World Cup 54: RP thread

[Qazox]

The Road to One Big Island and World Cup 54

TWO.

As in 2 wins in 2 matches. Qazox held off numerous attacks by Churchma late and emerged victorious 1-0 against the defending CoH Champions. Tanya Calvin's 29th minute goal was the difference as both teams played almost flawless ball. The only excitement, other than the goal and the Churchmanian flurry at the end came when a streaker, with the New Bruxen Hotel and Casino logo painted on his arse; ran onto the field midway through the 2nd half. Carl Maplewood and Jason Gomez each dive tackled the man, and shared a chuckle while he was being handcuffed by QPeMAian police.

Now Qazox prepares to face Eastfield Lodge, who decimated Jalanat 6-nil today. These two teams are the only unbeatens left in this Interzonal group. The winner could qualify, pending the outcomes of the other matches, while the loser, if any; would most likely need another win over the final 2 games to qualify.

SCORELINE

QZX  1 0  1
CHR  0 0  0

Scoring:
Tanya Calvin (QZX) (5) 29'

ZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ Cafundeu L 0-4
MD2: v. Daemonheart @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562 W 1-0
MD3: v. Sirain @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500 W 3-2
MD4: BYE
MD5: @ Fellow Citizens W 3-0
MD6: v. Cafundeu @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052 W 2-0
MD7: @ Daemonheart W 4-1
MD8: @ Sirain W 4-1
MD9: BYE
MD10: v. Fellow Citizens @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721 W 3-1
INTERZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD11: Jalanat @ Estadio Victoria, Ambrose W 3-1
MD12: Churchma @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle W 1-0
MD13: Eastfield Lodge @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle
MD14: Khytenna @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda
MD15: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda

<Meanwhile> Somewhere in the air in the Q Continuum...

"Did you really think that I didn't know you had come back to Qazox, Kyle?" Dennis Halpberg asked.

Kyle Cartman just sat in his rather comfortable seat on Halpberg's private jet. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Kyle took a quick glance out the window and noticed they were flying southwest not south.

"Unusual way to get to Qazox City, Dennis. Flying over Lake Porter." Kyle replied.

"Whoever said we were going to Qazox City?" Dennis replied. "In fact, we're going to visit an old friend of yours in Green wombat; but I don't want to ruin the suprise."

"Green wombat? Really? You don't think I couldn't figure out who we're going to meet there? Maybe Danni Lupin, or Carlos Hornesby; or maybe even Jesse Ambrose? I know the scientists that could figure this out that reside in Green wombat." Kyle answered.

"I never said we were meeting a scientist. I just suggest that you relax for now. Your old friend doesn't want you all worn out before you meet." Dennis replied.

As Kyle leaned back and prepared himself for the remainder of the flight, his mind kept trying to solve whatever puzzle that Time, Matter, Life and Faith could solve, but kept coming up empty.

...

A few hours later, the jet landed at non-descrept airstrip and Halpberg waved Kyle to proceed in front of him. Since most of the flight had taken place at night, the blinding headlights of a truck obscured a figure that was waiting for them to come off the plane.

"President Halpberg... and Kyle Cartman. Well I never thought I'd see you again. Not after Rejistania. I trust you've brought the items. And Kyle this will be interesting, I wouldn't want you to miss this." A voice came from the obscured figure, who stepped foward enough that Kyle could see their face.

"Oh... my.. fucking... Ox..." Kyle could only manage to gasp out.

"I told you this was not over, Kyle." The person said. "Suprised to see your old 'friend', General Abraham Simpson?"

(To be continued...)

[Dorian and Sonya]

Unicorns Not Perfect.
Loss To Swartaz. Destruction Of Tailspower

My Queen,


Swartaz 3:2 D&S

An easy run through the first stage of the qualifiers may have put the girls in a rut as they cruised easily into the second round with only one draw to blemish their record. And with a 32-7 goal differential, it seemed as if we were quite unstoppable.

But somebody forgot to tell that to Swartaz. The match started with cheers from the Swartazians filling the stadium. But that was just fine as we knew that we would get our chance. So why not let them have theirs. It was the 10th minute when J’hys Ickaeth proved why she is considered among the best scorers in the game when a small crease showed open net from thirty yards out. The shot was perfect. The Unicorns had the lead and the chants of the Sylvanae filled the stadium. But it wouldn’t last long as Olec Dasra followed a brilliant move to get free with a shot the likes of which we have never seen before. And with that, the match was even.

The second half was to be much more of a challenge. Bage Euloropth, who had been struggling with a head cold for the past few days, stumbled while twisting to make a play on the ball. The resulting contact sent her opponent off on a stretcher. That fact rippled through the entire squad and Swartaz took advantage to pull ahead on the free kick.

It seemed as if that would be the end of things. And if Swartaz had pushed the issue it might just have been. But inexperience showed a bit as they put the match on cruise control. Airewen Rololond waited for her chance with a patience that most players lack. That moment came in the eightieth minute when she took advantage of a gaping hole in the defense to find herself one on one with the keeper. And that is a matchup we will always take and the match was pulled even at 2 all.

But Swartaz was not done and in the 88th they struck again to take the match and send the Unicorns to the lockers in shock.



D&S 5:2 Tailspower

The second match was against upstarts Tailspower. And the fact that they faced a Mystical Unicorns squad that had just suffered their first loss of qualification was nothing short of bad news for them - in the end.

The hangover from the loss against Swartaz lingered on as the match got underway. It showed in the body language of the Unicorns and in the uninspired way they played. And in the fact that they found themselves down 2-0 at the midway point.

Then Maelwen Maridilyon went off on her squad. Something she had never done before. All the way to the lockers and all the way back. Even as the whistle blew to begin the second half, she still berated her squad. The outburst must have worked for the Unicorns that took the pitch in the second half looked every part of a current World Cup Champion.

Narniel Amandguord would begin the second half goal fest in the 52nd minute as she slid between defenders to find the open shot and pull D&S within a goal. It didn’t take long for them to pull even as Ickaeth found the net just four minutes later.

I can say this for Tailspower, they were game. They were also overmatched. In the 63rd minute the Unicorns would pull ahead for good on a corner from Wend Rayghaest. Ickaeth would add a second goal in the 77th minute and your daughter would score in the 82nd to cap a 5 goal second half and a 5-2 win.

It would seem that the Unicorns have recovered their form and are now ready to make a serious run at defending their title.

Your humble servant,
Khyber

[The Archregimancy]

"...mmmmmm, and those were the smooth, smooth sounds of the Holy Hermits of the Desert Stylites here on Monastic Radio with me, Fr. John the Golden-Throated...."

<cheery monastic radio jingle!>

"Say, how about we open up the phone lines, and talk about last night's World Cup qualification victory over the heathens of Erathore... And on the line now I have Fr. Michael of the Seven Icons; Fr. Michael?"

"IT'S A DISGRACE!!!!!"

"What's a disgrace, Fr. Michael? That we only won 1-0 thanks to a questionable refereeing decision that saw us awarded a dubious 88th minute free kick? That we proceeded to score off the free kick despite questions over the morality of doing so? That when, in Christian penance, we attempted to rectify the situation by allowing Erathore to score, we came to realise that the reason they hadn't managed to put the ball in the back of the net in the preceding 90 minutes was that Malvolio and Mericci would be unable to score in a particularly bawdy house of fornication and sin? That the WCC has refused our pleas to have the result overturned?"

"NO NO NO NO NO. Well, yes... I mean, all those things are disgraces too. But what's a particular disgrace is that we're in the same group as the Vanorians and Krytenians!!!!"

"And why is this a disgrace, my dear Brother in Christ?"

"Because it's all part of AN ANTI-ORTHODOX CONSPIRACY!!!!"

"And what is the nature of this conspiracy, Fr. Michael?"

"Isn't it obvious? The Mormons running this Cup have put us in a group with two teams better than us!!!!!"

"Even if we accept that both those teams are better than us, my brother, have they not also put us in a group with three teams who are clearly worse than us? And do not the first three teams in each group go through?"

"Ummmmm, maybe."

"So what evidence is there of a conspiracy?"

"But.... But.... MORMONS!!!!!!!!"

"I do not doubt that the Latter Day Saints are indeed prominent within one of the hosts. But have you not forgotten that one of the most prominent media events involving both co-host nations in recent Cups was a marriage between prominent sporting figures from the Babbage Islands and Cassadaigua within the Orthodox Church?"

"YOU GIVE FALSE SUCCOR TO HEATHENS!!!!!!"

"Not at all, Fr. Michael. I no doubt share your deep and abiding concerns over specifically theological issues regarding the majority religious group in one of the co-hosts, but I simply see no reason to run around claiming that this inherently means there must be a conspiracy against us just because most people in the Babbage Islands reject the teachings of the Ecumenical Councils. In fact, last time I checked, our brave footballers had finished first in their initial qualification group, have won both of their interzonal matches so far, and are undefeated this tournament. This does suggest that even if there is a conspiracy, it is not wholly effective."

<sound of the phone being slammed down>

"Right... how about some major cool tunage? Here's the Massed Choir of the Slavic Monasteries of the Archregimancy with a particularly stirring rendition of the Troparion in the First Tone of The Meeting of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Temple. Oh yeah.... smoooooooth....."

Rejoice, O Virgin Theotokos, full of grace!
From you shone the Sun of Righteousness, Christ our God.
Enlightening those who sat in darkness!
Rejoice, and be glad, O righteous elder;
You accepted in your arms the Redeemer of our souls,
Who grants us the Resurrection.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Adventures in Queer Poco el Mono Ara: the Diary of a Notorious Witch

I was silent as I sat with his corpse.

The first pinkish light of the morning was tinting the tiny square of sky above us, all that was visible in the dark. The sound of breathing could be heard around me, I and all the other faithful ones. The corridor was cold, strangely so, for the last few days had been hot. Not that it would matter any more.

The pink square in the blackness began to shrink, becoming a narrower and narrower rectangle. At last, it was gone, swallowed by the dark.

Still no one made a sound aside from the breathing. And it was strange; this, we knew, was how it would all end. Breathing in the dark. In an odd way, it was comforting. No one would ever enter this place with us again. It was now a pathway to the next world. Our pathway. The faithful ones.

Soon, the air grew hot and stale.

And then I woke up in my Minanda hotel room, a vial of crusty burnt-yellow potion beside my face, half drank. I had got it, captured it properly, but it was the wrong dream. Instead of interpreting one dream, I would need to interpret two. But were they even related?

Upon the roof of my mouth I could feel it already. The dream had been caught exactly as I had intended, congealed into a blackish-orange pebble, and I pulled it from behind my front teeth. Now I had something. If I wanted to see the dream again I could grind the stone into a powder and drink some of it. So I did so, snatching up a glass from the bathroom sink and mixing some of the dream with water.

I was silent as I sat with the corpse.

The first pinkish light... wait. I remembered that I was dreaming on purpose. And then I became conscious of everything else, not the narrative I had already been through. I looked around, trying to see in the blackness. All I needed was to find something, one thing. But it was so dark. I could see the whites in the eyes of those around me, breathing as they stared into space. I looked around again. There must be something...

Then I saw a huge stone object, barely lit by the faint pinkness. I could see a face on top of it... and an inscription in a language I somehow knew how to read: May Anske Judge This Heart Pure.

I had read it just in time, for soon the square above was shrinking, shrinking, shrinking... and blackness. Then there was the comfort. Then the heat. Then the staleness...

And it was over once again.

Anske. Where had I read that name? I looked at my own wizened face in the mirror, trying to remember. Was it a leader? Another witch? A god? A legend? And that stone thing... it had to have been a coffin of some kind. But why was I dreaming of it?

I didn't have time to worry about it. The match against Khytenna was today, and I had to make sure that the terrible tactical failure against Churchma wasn't repeated. I had killed seven orioles the night before and strewn them on the floor in a magic pagan pattern that would enchant me with particular powers of focus and intelligence.

I met the team in the small hotel's dining room for breakfast. The very kind Pocoan staff, who seemed to be flattered and a bit surprised that we had chosen to stay at their comparatively tiny inn, had prepared for us an unusual light-blue-colored traditional breakfast dish that I didn't recognize. The players all seemed very cross and tense, and seemed to be bracing themselves for me to be very hard on them again. I knew I would have to set a new precedent.

"Men and women," I said, standing up. "I take the responsibility for what happened against Churchma. I tried to change what we know to be familiar. For the Khytenna game, I want you to simply be calm. Go through the rhythms. Trust your instincts. There is too much tension in this room. I will handle the strategy, I will handle the tactical wrangling, I will handle the pressure. I just want all of you to be comfortable and confident."

The players seemed happy to hear this and dug into the pale-blue porridge with relish. The speech had gone well. Now all I had to do was solidify my game plan...

Above in the stands we could hear them chanting our names... the travelling fans were in full voice, dressed in the same wisteria and green shirts the players were. Lined up as eleven men and women staring up at those fans, the players seemed much more level-headed than they had been one matchday ago. I had a good feeling about this game.

And the first half began just as I had foreseen it happening in the game plan: dreadfully boring. The Khytenna fans were hissing as we simply played keepaway when we had the ball and put ten men in our own box when when they had it. The players were not disheartened by the negativity, though, they knew that the energy they were saving for the second forty five would overwhelm their opposition, fully dedicated to the game plan.

At half time, I knew no speech was necessary. I instructed the captain Timriz (who I had forgiven) and the youngster Oujadda (who has quite a strong wit) to simply tell jokes for the entire break period; all I wanted was to dissolve the tension even further.

And it worked. I cannot recall one occasion upon which Khytenna managed to pull the ball out of their own half in the entire forty five minutes. Every man and woman on the pitch was running in the red; even Ghur looked downright pacy. He was really the driving force as well, every touch opening up new seams in the Khytenna defense.

But my real touches of brilliance came when I started making substitutions. In the 57th minute, I sent on Narozhylenko, recent recipient of a contract to play with Cafundelense club São Jorge, and it took just seconds before he was tapping in an easy chance created by a lovely Ghur through ball. He and his elderly assister removed their shirts in their exuberant celebrations, and were both booked, but I could hardly care, we were leading one nil.

In the 67th minute, I added Zedafski. Four minutes later still, the Étoile Rouge veteran had gotten a toe on a ricocheting Oujadda cross, and in the chaos the ball eventually rolled across the goal line. That made it two nil.

And on 81 minutes, Nikolic made way for Chadi at my behest. I now had four strikers on the pitch, and Khytenna seemed to have no answer to the onslaught as we turned the screw. Chadi was the next to score, in the 88th minute. His was aesthetically the prettiest, as he used a knee to control an aerial ball from Timriz at the back and struck it into the top corner of the net from a rather awkward angle.

So, not to gloat, but if you're counting that's three goals from three substitutes.

The players were thrilled, their confidence better than ever before as they left the pitch. The poisonous energy of the first interzonal match was history. I let the players celebrate boisterously in the dressing room. There was laughter aplenty. All was well.

On the national team front, at least. As we flew from Minanda back to home base at Monolithia, I pondered on the two dreams I'd had. The sizzling blood from the pyre, the disappearing pink square of sky, and the inscription about Anske... what on earth did these visions mean and why was I having them.

The sky was clear as we approached the area of the ancient pyramids in the far western corner of Queer Poco el Mono Ara. As I looked out the window down at the bright white desert sand, I caught a glimpse of one of the colossal tombs, its angled sides reaching up into the sky.

The realization struck me like an anvil to my head.

[Cosumar]

The Cosumarite Courier
World Cup 54: Dragons fail to breathe fire in Delaclava Interzonal
Cosumar's #1 Sports News Source

QUINIVILLE, DELACLAVA - Although the Cosumar Dragons were cursed to have both #7 Nethertopia and #8 Sorthern Northlandin their Interzonal group, many still believed they could advance to the World Cup proper by claiming third place. After the first two 2 match days in Delaclava, Cosumar has gotten their beatings at the hands of Nethertopia and Sorthern Northland over with, but has started off Interzonals with a 0-2 record and fifth place in the group. The other three teams in the Delaclava Interzonal; #89 Arda, #108 Haginonia, and #44 Jesselton all appear to be teams Cosumar is very capable of defeating. Unfortunately, being capable isn't good enough. Cosumar plays each of those three teams one time before Interzonals are over, and they must play to their full potential if they want to dig themselves out of this 0-0-2 hole. Just one more loss may see the Dragons packing their bags for home, and not One Big Island as hoped for.

"Well yeah, we lost two games - and there are only 5 games. We just have to focus on winning our next three games and hope its good enough to make it to One Big Island. I could talk about how much we want to go to the World Cup, how hard we've worked for it, but I think everyone already knows that. This is our fourth World Cup. There are no more excuses, we're not newcomers anymore. We've got to start winning games" said Dragons MF Keenen Juengerman.

Some fans may be distraught about Cosumar's two losses, however in a way, they are actually a ray of hope for the Dragons. When comparing Nethertopia or Sorthern Northland with Cosumar, one might expect the former two teams to obliterate the Dragons. However, this was not the case. The Dragons actually held their own against their two superiors, and although they were bested 2-0 in the end each time, they competed and didn't embarrass themselves. It's quite obvious that even in World Cup 53, these two teams would've made the Dragons look like a middle school's team. The fact that Cosumar is giving legendary World Cup teams a run for their money is a sign that they should be able to take care of business against their upcoming, lesser ranked, opponents.

"As manager of this team, I can tell you right now that either Nethertopia or Sorthern Northland would've swallowed us up if we'd played them over a year ago. I think we'll still advance to our first World Cup. If we can hold Nethertopia scoreless for over 70 minutes I think we can best some of the other teams in our group. Jesselton, Arda, and Haginonia are all incredible teams but I think we'll surprise 'em" Manager Farris Crowley said.

Delaclava Interzonal Standings

   Team                    P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Nethertopia             2  2 0  0  6  0  +6  6
 2 Sorthern Northland      2  2 0  0  5  1  +4  6
 3 Arda                    2  1 0  1  3  5  -2  3
 4 Haginonia               2  1 0  1  6  5  +1  3
 5 Cosumar                 2  0 0  2  0  4  -4  0
 6 Jesselton               2  0 0  2  3  8  -5  0

The Delaclava Interzonal Standings after match day 2. Nethertopia and Sorthern Northland top the group, as expected, with the other four scrambling for third place. That spot is currently held by Arda who is on top of Haginonia because of the head to head result in match day 1

The quest to qualify for the World Cup continues tonight for the Dragons. They are currently on their way from Brunswick, Delaclava to Quiniville, Delaclava via monorail. Beautiful Virtuous Stadium in Quiniville will be the location for Cosumar's 3rd Interzonal match, against Jesselton. The Jesselton squad, led by Fahmi Hamizi, has underachieved thus far, always giving their spot in Interzonals to unranked teams. Jesselton is currently last in the Delaclava Interzonal, but is not to be underestimated. They have had tremendous success in the past and have the expertise necessary to make a comeback, just like Cosumar intends to do. The loser of tonight's game between Cosumar and Jesselton will likely be eliminated. Everything is at stake and the Dragons must take care of business. The Dragons must breathe fire.

For a report of the match versus Jesselton and a preview of matchday 14's battle with Arda, check out tomorrow's edition of The Cosumarite Courier. Below you can find Cosumar's schedule and the photo of the day.

Thanks for reading,

Brandon Winters,
Staff Writer

Cosumar's World Cup 54 Journey
Publishers Cup 1st Round: Cosumar 0-0 Delaclava
Pre-Qualifying Friendly: Cosumar 0-0 Churchma
Matchday 1: TaeGyeongGiJang 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 2: Cosumar 1-2 Royalsoldiers
Matchday 3: Cosumar 1-0 Bazalonia
Matchday 4: Pasarga 3-0 Cosumar
Matchday 5: Cassandra Alyce Silver 0-4 Cosumar
Publishers Cup 2nd Round: Moresnetujo 1-2 Cosumar
Mid-Zonal Friendly: Cosumar 3-1 Unitopolis
Matchday 6: Cosumar 1-1 TaeGyeongGiJang
Matchday 7: Royalsoldiers 2-4 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Bazalonia 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 9: Cosumar 4-3 Pasarga
Matchday 10: Cosumar 2-0 Cassandra Alyce Silver
Publishers Cup 3rd Round: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1-0 Cosumar
Pre-Interzonal Friendly: Cosumar 2-3 Osarius
Matchday 11: Nethertopia 2-0 Cosumar
Matchday 12: Cosumar 0-2 Sorthern Northland
Matchday 13: Jesselton v Cosumar
Matchday 14: Arda v Cosumar
Matchday 15: Cosumar v Haginonia
Publishers Cup Final Round: Cosumar v Kulverint
Post-Interzonal Friendly (King's Cup): Khytenna v Cosumar
World Cup Tournament Play: TBD

Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

---

Photo of the Day: Cosumar's goal keeper, Jude Adjei-Kontoh unsuccessfully attempts to deny Sorthern Northland their second goal of the game.

[Akbarabad]

Akbarabad gear up for top of the table clash with another win.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): Another narrow 1-0 victory, this time over Pasarga sees the Tiger Eaters stay joint on top of the group along with Jeruselem. The victory was hardly convincing, with our strikers squandering numerous chances, before Samin Akbar finally gave us the lead late in the match through a hugely lucky deflected goal. Still the nature of the victory counts much less then the fact that we have another crucial three points in the bank.

Up next is a top of the table clash against joint group leaders Jeruselem who crushed favourites Cafundéu 5-1. This encounter is likely to be the hardest match in the entire qualifying stage for us, particularly with the form they are in. Still, we have at least a few grounds for optimism, not the least of which is the fact that we won the only previous match between our teams, 1-0 way back in World Cup 49. Additionally our defense has been rock solid throughout the matches in Valladares.

Obviously it won't be easy, but a positive result in this match would virtually guarantee qualification early. A reward like that certainly merits go8ing flat out for a win.


Akbarabad 1-0 Pasarga
( Samin Akbar 87")

[The Archregimancy]

OOC - Fair RP attribution - none of the jokes are original.


From the Imperial Comedy Festival

An excerpt from Andrew Lascaro's show Football Crazy

"Anyway, so we thought we were going to Newmanistan for a comedy show - and instead it turns out that we were expected to play football against some mundy nation called Cotdelapoms! And that we'd be coached by Juan Tzimisces! And I told them, right, 'Are you mad? We're comedians, not footballers. Football's a game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise - like me!'"

<Lascaro wobbles his ample belly - laughter>

"...so Tzimisces tells me that my ample frame is well suited to anchoring the five man midfield. To which I replied 'you betcha - at least it finally gives me a chance to dribble and still look neat.'"

<laughter>

"Then Tzimisces starts to talk tactics, except most of the team thought he was talking about a new kind of low calorie breath mint. See, seems that HEFA were under the impression that our lot eats, drinks and sleeps football; which we do - we just can't play it.

<lots of laughter>

"And all this because someone in Cafundeu dreamt up a squad of comedians in some sort of 'choose the squad' competition. Have you heard anything as crazy? I mean, if pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full, our team hadn't even seen the cup!"

<laughter>

"But somehow - and this is where things get even crazier - we won the game! 1-0! And I even scored the winning goal!! Alright, so it more bounced off me semi-conscious head during a corner I didn't know much about, but I was feeling soooo proud, right. And then I went to talk to the physio after the match, because me legs were feeling a bit sore like.... and the news was right devasting like, 'cos I'd done me hamstring in - so afterwards I dropped into this bar in Newmanistan to drown me sorrows, and a local said to me 'What's up mate? you look worried. 'Yes, I am,' I replied. "I've just been to the physio and he told me I can't play football.' And this local said "Oh, really? He's seen you play too then, has he?'"

<laughter>




-------------------------------------------

Next squad: A mixed team of Greek, Norse, Hindu and Slavic gods who can't actually play football too well [no repeats of the Aztec debacle - promise]

[The Babbage Islands]

RP cutoff!

Third Round Interzonal Results (Matchday 13)

[Cassadaigua]

Well it's snowing like crazy but I still have power and internet so let's have a RP cutoff!

Snow Covered Results

[Tynelia]

Pessimistic Times

Told YA So!

Oh man I hate being right all the time. Didn’t I tell you that Tynelia and Coach Malloy’s score-a-phobia was going to come back and bite the team on its backside before everything was said and done here? And look at that I’m right. Landau Institute showed what a fraud this team is and how bad the coaching is by whomping our so-called ‘tough defense’ to a 3-0 tune. Now all those delusionists who were all “yippee we’re tied for first after two matches’” can look up at the three teams now ahead of us and know that we’ll be watching the Cup at home, again.

Everything got tossed to the scrap heap in this one. Now we lose out to the Institue on head to head results and Al-Mumtaz beats us on both goals and differential. Nine goals in three matches for them already- we haven’t had that many since this whole thing started. We’re sitting here at a -2 GD and you can’t tell me there’s any way we’ll be seeing that get to the positives again.

Oh sure people might look at the schedule and say “hey it’s Sibirsky next- they’ve allowed 9 goals so far.” Good for them but I bet they suddenly discover their defense the moment they face Coach Malloy’s sorry excuse for an attack. At best we might escape with a 1-1 draw, on a good day which we haven’t had many of let me tell you. Then it’s Al-Mumtaz to finish things off and you know they’re looking for some revenge after us beating them on the last day of the CoH qualifiers then watching us weasel our way to the finals. That’s a loss for us right there. So let’s see a loss and a draw that’s 5 points all together! Does anyone thing that will get us anywhere? Me neither. But hey at least this means no one will feel like they’re missing out on anything when the Superb Bowl takes place this Sunday. Tynelia will be safely eliminated from anything that matters with a few days to spare. So relax, get yor friends to come by the house and watching something where the Lord of Scores is properly respected instead of insulted like He has been on the pitch this world cup.

[Jalanat]

Losing streak continues
Jalanat was desparate to end their losing streak today but were yet again disappointed when they had to play against Kagdazka and Pazhujebu in the Jewel in the Desert, Monolithia. Having lost against Toyur at the end of the zonal phase and to Qazox and Eastfield lodge with 3-1 and an embarrassing 6-0 respectively in the interzonal phase, times were very tough for the underdogs. They did not manage to end their losing streak in the match against Kagdazka and Pazhujebu bringing the number of consecutive losses up to 4.

Jalanat held out well in the first half, even managing to create a few chances themselves but they did not manage to take those chances. Ichirou Nakamura got a golden chance in the 24th minute, he managed to get past the defenders and the keeper was completely out of position. It seemed impossible to miss such a great chance, yet he could not keep the ball down and he somehow missed. A golden opportunity for Jalanat but it just ended with disappointment and disbelief that such a chance was not taken.

The first half ended goalless. Which was a miracle from Jalanat's perspective given the team's underdog position. In the second half they played a very rubbish game of football, making many dumb mistakes and giving away chances to the other team. Their passing game was terrible to say the least. and Kagdazka and Pazhujebu took full advantage of it. In the 56th minute, Vuhumkara managed to intercept a pass between Erik McGraw and Katsuro Miyosaka and he managed to get into the penalty area. Sishemuya could not get anywhere near the ball when it was powerfully shot in the top-left corner of the net.

Vuhumkara scored again in the 78th minute, the defense was poor and they gave away way to much space, thus, Zhevassi saw an opportunity to score from the 18 and he took the chance. He caught the keeper off guard and he brought Kagdazka and Pazhujebu even further into the lead.

The match ended with the scores being 0-2. Yet another loss for Jalanat, their 4th in a row. "I'm very disappointed that we couldn't play any better. We really need to win a match soon, but as far as I can see, that's not about to happen." Oliver DuWisse said. Jalanat's next match is against Churchma. This team is in the 4th place in the group, in front of Jalanat. Jalanat still hasn't managed to get a single point in the interzonal phase but they hope that they can change this with the upcoming match.

QPeMA Interzonal Standings

   Team                        P  W D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Qazox                       3  3 0  0  7   2  +5  9
 2 Eastfield Lodge             3  2 0  1 10   4  +6  6
 3 Kagdazka and Pazhujebu      3  2 0  1  6   2  +4  6
 4 Khytenna                    3  1 0  2  3   6  -3  3
 5 Churchma                    3  1 0  2  2   4  -2  3
 6 Jalanat                     3  0 0  3  1  11 -10  0

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

ASMV Tops Starblaydia 2:0. Purple Not So Perilous

Ciara: I cant believe it! I am awake, right?

Emyle: Believe it Sweetie. We just dropped the Purple Peril!

Mace: When it feels like the world is on your shoulders
And all of the madness has got you going crazy

Salis’hava: I love it when he sings.

Kymy: He always sings. But you played a monster match, girl!

Jonasei: Way to go Sali!

Mace: It's time to get out step out into the street
Where all of the action is right there at your feet

Ciara: Somebody’s gonna have to pinch me!… Ouch!

Kymy: Sorry. Couldn’t help it.

Mace: Well I know a place where we can dance all night away
Underneath electric stars

Emyle: Drink up and enjoy this one. Starblaydia traditionally pawn us.

Salis’hava: You really think I played well?

Mace: Just come with me and we can shake your blues right away
You'll be doing fine when the music starts

Jahirii: Hell yeah! You played a monstrous match!

Kymy: Jahirii! What are you doing here?

Mace: To the beat of the rhythm of the night
Dance until the morning light
Forget about the worries on your mind
You can leave them all behind
To the beat of the rhythm of the night
Oh the rhythm of the night, oh yeah

Jahirii: had to come down and give props for that result. I know how tough Starblaydia is to beat,

Jonasei: Wow! It’s an honor to finally meat you, Sir.

Mace: Look out on the street now the party's just beginning
The music's playing a celebration's starting

Ciara: Nice to see you again, Jahirii.

Jahirii: Knock off the ‘Sir’ stuff. That goal of yours was brilliant.

Emyle: Sali may not have heard ya. She’s all wrapped up in Mace’s song

Mace: Under the street lights the scene is being set
A night for romance a night you won't forget

Salis’hava: What?… He is sooooooo dreamy.

Jahirii: I see what you mean.

Jonasei: It’s kind of sad.

Mace: So come join the fun this ain't no time to be staying home
Oh there's too much going on
Tonight is gonna be a night like you've never known
We're gonna have a good time the whole night long

Emyle: Always has been.

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

Lydia’s office was stuffy. The Pocoan summer was upon them which meant intense heat for the majority of the day, blinding sunlight constantly beaming down on the country left everyone squinting. Lydia’s office had no air conditioning and the window only opened a crack, it was part of the design to stop people jumping. She was uncomfortably warm and was perhaps still retaining the angry heat of the morning with Marcus. She’d been fired up for an argument which never came and just had to leave and go to work.

After spending the best part of 8 hours in her cramped office, with an hour away in the sunshine for lunch she was just about ready to leave when the telephone rang.

“Hey.”

She was silent for a moment, she’d expected somebody a tad more important, or somebody who would need to call in a professional capacity, not Marcus.

“Hi.” She was stern. He had already forgotten the tetchiness of the morning’s exchange and was trying to be nice.

“What do you fancy for dinner?”

It was probably one of the most irritating questions he could ask. Marcus spent the majority of the day at home, doing very little and could have easily organized dinner. Lydia huffed, it was a considerably loud huff because Marcus heard it.

“What?” he said, indignantly.

“You couldn’t sort this out yourself? I’ve had a long day at work and this is the last thing I need to be worrying about.”

“Sorry, I just wondered what you’d like.”

The conversation continued like this for or 7 minutes with huffing and whining and eventually lead to the conclusion that Lydia would “just pick something up” on her way home. It was a nuisance and one she could do without after working hard while he stayed at home playing video games and pretending to search for jobs.

“I’ll see you in half an hour.” It was only a short walk between Lydia’s office and the flat they were living in, but the supermarket would prove to be an ordeal at this time in the afternoon, just as everybody else had finished work they would pack the aisles looking for a solution to that very same question that had irked her in the first place “what do you fancy for dinner?” There were those who would breeze through, grabbing something quick and light that would go with a salad, something that would reflect the sunny weather outside, then there were those lonely few who would be picking up the meals for one, scrutinizing the ingredients and deciding they didn’t want a curry because microwave meal curries came with rice, which was always terrible and they’d have to settle for a hotpot and then there was a small pocket of people who had finished work, collected the kids from school and were now in the supermarket trying to find everything they needed for a family meal while placating a kid who just wanted chocolate and wouldn’t stop screaming.

It was destined to be a horrendous and could have been avoided if Marcus had just sorted dinner. Midway through squeezing down an aisle littered with children, singles and staff restocking shelves Lydia’s mobile phone rang. It was a Detective Phil Power and he had some good news.

-----

The Whites battled like troopers against interzonal group leaders Jeru FC only to suffer defeat in the final five minutes through a penalty. It has been a long while since the football loving Pocoan fans have felt such injustice after what manager Mark Sloan claimed was a “blatant dive and one which has conned the referee and robbed us of what may yet prove to be a vital point.”

The game was a back and forth attacking game with both keepers on top form, keeping the match tied at 0-0. The Whites best chance of the first half came via route one football with keeper Traore launching the ball upfield. The ball reached Gilbert Batistuta who flicked it on with his head for Kandakram to chase on. A single touch took him round the defender and into the box. The Skyte attacker lashed the ball at goal and was thwarted by Head in the Jeru FC goal who got down to his right well and pushed the ball around the post.

In the 85th minute Bouche received the ball inside the box from Rump and was adjudged to have been tripped by Rudolpho. Replays have shown that the attacker tripped over the ball and not the defender.

The weak decision allowed Jeru FC to find the winner with next to no time for The Whites to respond and the winner came through Mango Mousse whose cheeky penalty saw Traore move before he struck the ball.

The defeat hasn’t affected the Whites position in the group and has left them needing a win in their next game to guarantee their place in the World Cup group stage.

[Cafundeu]

FOLHA DA CAPITAL
O jornal no lugar certo na hora certa da notícia

Edição de Sábado - Ano 240 - Caderno III - Preço: V$3,50

---

ANOTHER FAMILY HISTORY

Nico Lewton has a large family, but in this story we will just focus on his parents, who are going to watch him in Valladares for the match versus Tarrentum. Thanks to the money given to them by their son, they are able to stay in a nice hotel, but they never forget their humble beginnings. His father comments about this: "I always knew that my son was going to be a big star, but at the same time I am glad that he never let the fame take him over. He must remember that all this success came thanks to hard work, and that he must keep making an effort in order to justify all the money he earns." Still in the hotel, waiting for the taxi to come to take us to the stadium, where Cafundéu will play against Tarrentum at 16:00, his mother talks about the first steps of Lewton into football: "Well, my husband had to work all day, as a security guard, and I worked at home as a manicure, so he had to distract himself outside home after school. Yes, one thing must be noted: he always had to go to school, we always consider this to be more important even than football, and we knew that he had a really good talent in the sport. Other parents would have let him abandon the studies by knowing that money would come thanks to football, but Nico himself would regret this if we let him. So, everyday after school he went to the local football field to play with his friends... when he was thirteen, my husband decided to send him to make tests in Serrano."

His father also praises his son's determination: "As my wife said, he went to school and we encouraged him to give a lot of attention to it. And he proved to be extremely intelligent... at one point, we didn't even need to encourage him anymore, he would do it himself... and this happened too while playing football: whether he received a bad grade in a test or he did a bad match for the youth team, he would think about it for days and then work harder to overcome the mistakes. There were points in which we thought he was overreacting, but now we see that his perfeccionist style is one of his best qualities. That's how he started to be recognized as a potential star in Serrano, it was thanks to his excellent work rate, the fact that he put an effort even in training matches. It was important for him to get to the main squad when he was just seventeen, and to join the Di Bradini Cup team when he was just fifteen years old... it make us proud too." After that moment in his career, only improvements: a transfer to América, a callup to the main National Team, and titles with his domestic club. Now he is one of the main players of the Monopolists, and one of the responsible for the team's success during these qualifiers. The father shows some worry with this situation: "If the team fails to qualify, he'll end being considered one of the main guilty ones, it may be the end of his international career. Too bad that people forget years of hard work just because of a couple of bad games."

So the taxi finally comes to take us to the stadium, and this time my journey to the stands is calm: after all, differently than the other games, this time I am not together with celebrities... they are parents of one, but the usual Cafundelense would never know this. So, in few minutes we reach our chairs after the taxi leaves us close to the stadium, and get prepared to watch the game. As expected, Nico Lewton is going to be a starter for Cafundéu, and his mother comments the feeling of seeing her son entering on the pitch representing Cafundéu: "I am proud to see so many people supporting him and to know that he is there because he is one of the best, but I cannot stop worrying about him. Especially about his health. Sometimes these football matches get so violent, there were even a couple of times in which my Nico got involved in fights, so I always have the fear that something bad can happen to him... like an injury, or a red card that will surely end with many critics from the supporters and the media... and, when they criticize my son, I think that I am the one who suffers the most, he seems to be already used to this." His father comments: "Yes, se sometimes even closes her eyes when Nico attempts a sliding tackle or is the target of one... but he is a football player, he trains hard. I follow him like an usual football fans does: wanting him to work hard, to fight for the ball, to set up beautiful moves, and to score goals, of course!"

Nico Lewton even had a good start in the match, making some interesting passes for the Cafundelense attack, but the Monopolists squad is far from convincing. With the first half ending with a draw, the father of Lewton comments: "A team is composed by eleven players and substitutes. Nico alone won't be able to give the victory to Cafundéu. We have some talented players, but we need more team work, we need some of these players to show their talent. I guess that our league is so international that our players lack chemistry when they get united in the National Team. Or perhaps the mistake was the selection of the coach... Ijak is one of our greatest idols, but he was too much time away from Cafundéu to really know how our players are used to play and who are the best ones to be chosen for the squad. We can only hope that things improve." The mother says nothing during the match, focused on the figure of her son running on the pitch, and making some intense reactions each time he touches the ball, shouting as if he would hear her from there. But Lewton's performance get somewhat cold as the time passes, with him trying to help the Monopolists to control the midfield but being unable to create good goal opportunities. The chances are poor, and Cafundéu leaves enough space at their defence to suffer a goal, deeply frustrating thousands of supporters on the stands, including the two I am following.

Finally, near the middle of the second half, there is some movement on Cafundéu's bench... Ganz Ijak is preparing a substitution. And what was the surprise of the parents of Lewton when they discover that their son is the one being replace during the match. Yes, Sidmar is going to take his place, in order to make the Cafundelense team more offensive, in a desperate attempt to take the three points. The substitution didn't have much effect and, as expected, Nico's parents condemned the move. His father said: "My son is the leader of the team's midfield, it is him the one that organizes this section of the field. Marco Aurélio can be the captain, but he is more of an individual player and won't be able to guide the other members of the squad in order to prepare an offensive move, he plays more with instinct. It's not that Sidmar is a bad player, but there's a huge difference in quality between him and my son. As much as I admit that Nico wasn't having a good game, it was better to let him on the pitch." Of course he would say something like that, as much as he said that if he team lost it wouldn't be Lewton's fault... one is expected to defend his relatives. His mother preferred to not make negative comments on Ijak's move: "I'll keep supporting Cafundéu... after all, I'm not only Nico's mother, but also a Cafundelense." But her support didn't help the team much, as the loss came... perhaps this series will only end at the Cup of Harmony.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Adventures in Queer Poco el Mono Ara: the Diary of a Notorious Witch

More of them drifted into view from my airplane window. The ancient Monolithian civilization had built these great pyramids as tombs for their emperors, final resting places for their corpses before having their hearts judged by the god Anske, who would determine their place in either paradise or hell.

So now I knew what the images in those dreams were based in. The pyre with the bleeding human organs was a vision of the Monolithian burial ceremony, during which all the organs of the deceased (excluding the heart) were removed and burned upon a traditional fire. And that dark place with the pink square of morning sky was the tomb of King Ahmuktahran as it was being sealed... I had seen the last moments of his servants, buried alive alongside him, and the stone block with the inscription upon it was the king's sarcophagus.

So there it was. But what did it mean? Why was I seeing these visions? Was the king reaching out to me from the afterlife? Was there something he wanted me to do for him with my mystical powers? Or was this something else? Was this my own intuition guiding me towards something that would help me or the national team I was responsible for?

And then I snapped back into awareness of the situation. I looked back at the rest of the first-class section of the plane, where the players were chatting amongst themselves, grinning as they teased one another. The morale was high, and I was proud of that considering how the interzonals had started with that disastrous loss to Churchma. But we were not out of the woods yet. If we dropped points to Jalanat... well, it would be crippling. Eastfield Lodge and Qazox were waiting for us in our final two games. It was critical... absolutely critical... that we won the match against the Jalanese.

It was oppressively hot as we stepped off the plane and boarded the coach at the airport. We would head for the rapturously pretty oasis resort we had set up as our home base for the tournament. With our next two matches here in Monolithia, we were home, at least as at home as we could be in a foreign land.

The swaying palms of the oasis were visible up ahead as the bus drove through the bright white sand of the desert. One of the windows next to me was open a crack, and I could feel the sweltering desert air blowing onto the side of my face. I glanced down at the notes I had been making... how to beat Jalanat? Should I change strategies?

From my overnight bag I pulled the one object I had not yet used during my tenure as Kagdazka and Pazhujebu national team manager: my crystal ball. I do not take divination altogether too seriously... I believe, as I always have, that individuals are eminently in control of their own destinies. I dislike the notion that I should be attempting to foresee the actions of any opponent, for with the change of my tactics comes the change of the opponent itself.

But there was something about this match. Something lurking...

I placed a hand upon the ball and stared with powerful focus upon the glass orb. At first I saw only cloudy mist... and then in a flash I saw it: a vision of two men, one dressed in white, one dressed in sky blue. The blue-shirted combatant swung his leg around, striking at a colored ball... but instead it was the back of the white-clad man's head that he struck. An accident, to be fair.

So there it was. The first time I had ever truly foreseen with my eyes an event in a football match. But it was nothing to do with goalscoring, which I found both relieving and unhelpful. What this meant, I supposed, was that I would need to have my substitutions at the ready for the entire match, as this vision appeared to be of an injury to one of my players.

On the training pitch on the edge of the desert, one that had been constructed at the resort, specifically for us, I tried to watch for anyone who seemed even the slightest bit unfit. But all the lads and lasses seemed sharp; which was good insofar as the Jalanat match was concerned but bad insofar as I had no idea what the image in the crystal ball had meant.

By the time I knew it, it was night, and our bus was taking us to the stadium, the Jewel in the Desert. Well named it is, for its glittering exterior reminds one of a vast gemstone poking out of the rocky sands. We meandered into our dressing rooms, the mood calm.

"All right," I told the team, who had donned their away white Kagdazka and Pazhujebu shirts, "I want a possession-style game here, just like we worked on in training. Let's not get into any big scraps or throw in any rash tackles... I want to keep it clean. And in terms of aerial challenges..." I drifted off. I couldn't decide whether to warn them or not. Was the vision in the crystal ball even true?

"...never mind," I finished. "Control the pace of the game. That is your objective."

The opening moments of the game flew past. My instructions for the players to play a clean game had been heeded, but they may as well not have been as the referee seemed quite excited to extract his yellow card early on, showing it to two of my players and one of the Jalanese by the tenth minute, all of the bookings quite unfair. What country the fool was from I still cannot recall.

And then, before I knew it, I could feel a sharp blast of premonition in the 22nd minute. The moment was coming... a long ball from one corner of the pitch from Azi to García... Vaskaryev was headed towards it to challenge with his head... García didn't seem him there...

And it happened. Vaskaryev collapsed on the pitch, motionless. A concussion. I knew right away.

But I had seen this coming... I had been prepared for the loss of any of the players on the pitch. I would move Mizirov over to left back, push Oujadda all the way forward, alongside Vuhumkara, and add Razava to replace Vaskaryev. It wasn't perfect, but at least I had been ready.

My changes to the formation didn't seem to be working as two minutes later Nakamura slipped past a confused-looking Mizirov, who had been too far up the pitch. He was fast, I had to give it to him. He raced down the pitch towards Ichuvihaja, who waited too long before charging, giving the Jalanat striker the whole goal to aim at. I couldn't look...

...but he missed. We had dodged a bullet... nay, a cannonball. That couldn't happen again, but it was still nil nil for now.

I spoke to the players at half time.

"Well, Innokentiy is going to be out for a couple of weeks. I thought all of you ought to know. So that means that for the time being we are going to add Razava to the midfield and push Oujadda into a full-out striker position. We can adapt to this. We will be just as strong a team. We shall not lose heart. We shall not give up, neither here, nor in any future matches. We are stronger than a group of twenty-three men and women, we represent a country. Two, in fact. Two great countries of the Federation are watching us with faith and hope. Their dream is to see us in the World Cup finals for the first time as a unified state. Their dream is the same as ours, ladies and gentlemen! Their dream is the same as ours! And no matter the players who may suffer injury or poor form or any other mishap, we shall prevail! We shall!"

I have never been one for inspirational speeches, but I would like to believe that my fierce and even frightening appearance add intensity to my pep talks when I do give them. Whatever I did, I did it right, as in the second half the team was clearly the better side than the opposition. Razava and Vuhumkara in particular were relentless and impassioned, the former because he was being offered a rare chance to win a spot in the starting eleven, and the latter because the yellow card he had been shown earlier would ban him from our next game. Both were involved in the two goals we scored in the 56th and 78th minutes, with Razava providing the crisp passing and Vuhumkara providing the merciless finishing.

We killed off the match's last ten minutes with possession and strolled back into the dressing rooms after full time with more confidence than ever. I praised the team afterwards, presenting the match ball to Razava for his brave efforts as an emergency replacement, and telling them I would be taking them to a sushi restaurant after they changed clothes.

But the less I worried about the fate of our national team, the more I worried about those dreams of the pyramid I'd had. I certainly had to investigate the enormous tombs myself. So I made an appearance with the players at the restaurant and had a roll of sushi or two, but then ducked out early, leaping onto my broom and hurtling off towards the pyramids.

It was a new moon, and there was almost no light as I landed near the pyramid of King Ahmuktahran. With a wave of my hand I had conjured a burning torch to light my way across the sand. I had thought I was alone, but was surprised to see a group of people up ahead, chatting with each other amicably. What were they doing out here?

As I approached the people ahead, many of whom were wearing fanny packs and expensive hiking sneakers, I caught a glimpse of a sign nearby.

"Are You a Tourist Looking for a Spooky and Mysterious Adventure? Take a Late Night Tour of the Pyramid!"

[Landau Institute]

OFFICIAL REPORT FROM LANDAU INSTITUTE SQUAD
topics: numbers; winning

Numbers. Surely one of the most versatile things in the world, and the theme of our report today. After all, not only our match was versus Tynelia, which seems to have a closer relationship with the numbers than other nations, worshipping a Lord of the Scores, but also that the result of this match served to show us how things can change drastically, as our Landau Institute squad was really in a bad form, but had an outstanding match today. And, in football, numbers are essential, they appear everywhere: on the players' shirts, on the scoreline, on the rankings, in the time of the game... and in this sport numbers can produce many exact things, but also a huge level of randomness that we find it difficult to see in other things. First, a general view on the versatility of numbers. Surely the first thing that comes when we think of them is mathematical equations... well, in those the numbers produce exact results, situations in which there is no space for surprises and inconsistencies, and you always know what to expect. But numbers can also appear in codes, in supositions, and in those the consequence can be extremely random... think of the codes' case. A password composed by ten numbers forces us to think on a multitude of possibilities, and if we were to guess the correct one without having a clue about it, we would only get it right by pure luck, by the force of randomness. And football matches combine both of these situations: the exact ones and the random ones.

For the exact part, it is not difficult to find it: looking at the scoreline, the team that has more goals than the opponent is the one that wins the match and, following the rules, earns a number of points that is usually three. So, you know exactly what happens in these cases, there is no chance that something will surprise us: no team will win more points than what is shown on the rules, and the rules cover all kinds of situations, as WOs and matches ended before the end of the ninety minutes. But what makes the sport really special are the random situations: a better percentage of the ball possession doesn't guarantee the win, the same happens with a better ranking... in these case the numbers do not translate to results following an exact formula, you see? That's why we simply cannot find ways to perfectly predict the outcome of a football match, and most people would be glad for this, as this would destroy the whole excitement of watching a game. In the end, this shows us the point that we, if we are just people seeing the match, are unable to affect the result of the game, but only pray or give a support for one specific outcome. And in this point Tynelia's contributions to our studies enter: they follow an entity, they believe in something that could affect the game, and something that doesn't involve the players, coaches or officials. If this is true, this could bring an entirely new component of the combination of things that affect a football match.

But we must note that, in this match, any external force wasn't able to take the win away from us. You remember our last report when we understood that a stop on our basic studies was needed in exchange for a better preparation for the football matches themselves. And this worked well. And, thinking better about this, this was also some kind of study. We analyzed our opponents, and found a way to defeat them, to breach the defensive line that was seen as excellent. Our through passes coming from Jung and Lacan explored really well the ideas and styles of Freud, being able to take him to a new level of performance. And three goals came from this.

[Sorthern Northland]

Beningrad Morning Star

Sorthern Northland among first World Cup qualifiers

Sorthern Northland became one of the first nations to qualify for the fifty-fourth World Cup with a comfortable 3-0 victory over Arda in Corcorran, Delaclava last night. The win sees Sorthern Northland move on to nine points from three games during the interzonal phase of qualification and means that neither fourth and fifth placed Arda and Jesselton and both currently on three points can overhaul them in the two remaining matches due to head to head records being the primary tiebreaker. Sorthern Northland had previously beaten Jesselton 3-1.

Wins elsewhere have also seen Aguazul, Krytenia and Sorthern manager Ailill Ó Riagáin's Jeru FC join Sorthern Northland and the two host nations The Babbage Islands and Cassadaigua in the hat for the World Cup.

Seeking to secure qualification as quickly as possible Sorthern Northland were quick to apply pressure to Arda's defence with Dermot Wolfetone and David Black both testing the Ardan keeper early on. Despite the early good form of the opposing goalkeeper Sorthern Northland didn't have to wait long to break the deadlock with Kaeton Fishsnapperbottom rising to head home a Tadgh Ó Lorcáin corner after fourteen minutes.

Arda looked to quickly get back into the match with Sorthern goalkeeper Yasser El-Borolossy having to be at his best to deny Arda's attacking force three times in quick succession around the midway point of the opening half. It was in truth though the only period of pressure that Arda applied during the match and after thirty-three minutes Will Hooper was able to work his way into the box and slot the ball under the onrushing goalkeeper to increase the score to 2-0 Arda appeared to give up any hope of taking anything from the match.

Despite this though Sorthern Northland continued to seek further goals and got their reward after forty-two minutes, Eulàlia Marxuach being on hand to apply the finishing touch to a sublime piece of passing football down the right flank between winger Ó Lorcáin and full-back Laura O'Bagels.

Sorthern Northland might have been expected to have added further goals in the second-half and indeed they should have, Wolfetone, Hooper and substitute Aisling Ní Cheallaigh all being guilty of missing chances. Credit however has to go to Arda's goalkeeper in particular and their defence with a number of fine saves and superbly timed tackles denying the Sorthern attack.

For manager Caio Meback qualification at the earliest opportunity will come as a relief and whilst it offers the opportunity for Sortherners to relax he will be keeping his players from doing so to much.

“It is good, it means we are assured of our place and that we don't need to worry about qualifying in the remaining matches.” the Cafundulense manager told reporters, “It means we can play a more relaxed manner and I can some different things, but there won't be too many changes.”

“We have won all our qualifying matches and are in good form, if we can carry this on we can go into the World Cup finals full of momentum. Too many changes and we might lose that. It is a very delicate balance, but one I am glad to have.”

[Bears Armed]

Marra SunDaughter was pondering the Belles’ line-up, and whether she should change any details of this for either or both of their two remaining matches here. Although they had performed splendidly against the Bostopians yesterday (Five-one, who’d have expected that...), playing under tropical conditions in the jungle-surrounded stadium at Pkethat Šede, the heat and humidity there had certainly left the players concerned lacking a lot of their normal vim & vigour afterwards. Should she rest as many of them as possible for the game against Aguazul, even though that is the higher-ranked of the two teams that they have yet to face in this ‘Interzonal’, or should she still field them then — relying on their experience — but consider making a different selection for the match against Novikov afterwards instead? Hr’rmm, that was a tricky question… and the noise coming outside, where the players were exercising in a bid to accustom n themselves better to the local climate, and doing so to rather LOUD music, certainly wasn’t helping her concentration.


“You ain’t nothin’ but a ground-hog,
Just a-sleepin’ all the time;”

“Left leg, two, three, four!”

“You ain’t nothin’ but a ground-hog,
Just a-sleepin’ all the time;”

“Right leg, two, three, four!”

“You don’t never find no truffles,
So you ain’t no friend of mine!”

“Both legs, two, three, four!”

Sticking her head out through the window, which she had opened earlier in the forlorn hope that this would aid air circulation within the room, she called out to Urra SunBlesséd who was the person supervising that session:

“Heyyah, Honey, please tone it down a bit: I’m trying to do Manager-type work here, and having that music to cope with on top of the heat is making my head hurt. Find something more tuneful, please: I’m certainly not expecting anything from ‘Hums Ancient and Modern’, of course, but even so there must be some recordings in your collection that are easier to listen to…”

Urra shrugged.
“Hokay, Marra,” she replied, “You’re the Chief…”
She walked over to her portable record-player, lifted the arm so that she could remove the disc that had been in use, and then sorted through the pile of others that was resting on the table next to this machine. Evidently having found what she’d been looking for, she nodded in satisfaction as she placed a new record on the turntable and then lowered the needle back into position. A few seconds later, another song hit the air:

“Only Puh can make my world seem right;
On-ly Puh can make the darknesss light;
Only Puh, and Puh alone, can thrill me as Puh does,
And make this world seem like it's just for us...”

[Swartaz]

The Insight

Got a packed overview of the last two games today, as I missed the review of the last game due to a major connection error in the Newmanistani hotel our squad is residing in for the duration of the inter-zonals.

First, we were up against Valladares in the ground we had famously overturned the reigning champions Dorian & Sonya in just a few days before. Again our fans flocked to the ground, richly contributing to the eccentric atmosphere in the stadium. But for all their confidence and hopes, our end product was less than desireable. We seemed to almost have too much confidence going into the game having just beaten Dorian and Sonya, forgetting we were going up against a very capable team who we had stumbled against before.

Valladares didn't take long to get going, with Yoan Gignac scoring a superb breakaway goal with just over a minute gone. The majority of the rest of the first half was us piling on the pressure, with blitz style attacking again taking charge, but a combination of some brilliant Valladar defending and luck kept it one-nil at half time. The second half saw Valladares dictate most of the possession, and Miguel Flórez wrapped it up for them on seventy two minutes with a second excellent counter attack.

Onto the game against Cotdelapoms now, and this was one of the two games coming into this stage that we earmarked as a must win. We were to play this one out at the Empress Jessica Stadium in Pocono City, named after the famed Empress of Newmanistan. We were still slightly reeling from our loss a few days previously, but all the negative feeling was eradicated as soon as the ball started rolling. We executed our attacking plays with great swiftness and penetration, and it only took twelve minutes to put the ball in the back of the net, with Dasra the converter. A corner kick gifted us a second soon after, with Hugo Lukas climing high above everyone else to turn it in. The second half saw us again absent-mindedly put our game in cruise control, with the result being a Cotdelapoms goal late on by Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis, and a tense end to the game, but still a well earned and much needed three points.

[Delaclava]

DNBSports.com

What you need to know about the Phoenixes in WC54 so far

After a bomb destroyed our building - thankfully, the explosion occurred at 1 in the morning and no one was in the office at the time, so no one was hurt - we were unable to publish our website or run our broadcasting for a couple of weeks. We've finally relocated to a temporary location and normal broadcasting resumes. First, we have to catch you up on the happenings of the World Cup.

1. A massive scoring surge propelled Delaclava through the zonal stage with flying colors. Cursed with a dry streak of scoring, Delaclava burst the dam with a 3-1 win over Milchama. The scoring only continued from there, with a 3-0 win at Telamar, a 5-1 drubbing against Erathore, and after a shocking 2-1 loss at Everdilsike, a close 1-0 win over D Land and Isles to head into the break with a 4-0-1 record, 13 goals, and just four allowed. In the other half of the Zonal Phase, Delaclava replicated their 3-1 win against Milchama on the road, repeated a 3-0 win over Telamar at home, won a 3-0 victory at Erathore - which sealed qualification and a win in the zone - earned a 5-1 score in a revenge game with Everdilsike, and capped qualifiers with a 5-3 thriller at D Land and Isles, finished at 9-0-1 (27 points), 32 goals scored, and 9 goals allowed. Simon De Braden led the goal charge with ten of Delaclava's 32 goals, including three-goal games in the first Erathore game and the second Everdilsike game. Geraldo Ayala was right behind with nine - four in the closer against D Land and Isles - Alessandro Campeon Berrera had four, Ruben Hester had three, and Mose Fuentes, Jamal Pacheco, Stanley Ichtyelkov, Darcy Mulrooney, Calvin Castillo, and Zhenya Filatov each added one. Ichtyelkov and Berrera also had nine assists each.

2. However, the efforts of the defense should not be overlooked. The back line of Calvin Pope, Sheldon Berrera, Jamal Pacheco, and Lucio Magnani only earned one goal - from Pacheco, whom manager Garren Prescott has been asking to push up to midfield on the counterattack to form a sort of 3-5-2 - but they didn't even let in a goal a game. Goalkeeper Graham Torres had two clean sheets in five games. Torres gave up just four goals and made 38 saves for a stellar 90.5% save percentage. Assistant manager Hans Ullrich said, "We've been working hard with the defense and with the goalies to make sure we're giving our team the best chance to win each game." Seems to be working.

3. Dominant as the Phoenixes were in the zonal stage, they haven't looked so hot in the friendlies. To their credit, they did instigate their scoring streak with a 5-1 win in the first round of the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy over Pretty Awesome Persons in Catherina - our capital being an anchor city for the MSMT - with De Braden, Ayala, Filatov, Mulrooney, and Ichtyelkov scoring in that game. However, the Phoenixes got laid to waste 4-1 in their home stadium by The Babbage Islands - who, incidentally, are managed by Delaclav Michelle Germaine - could only tie a weak Kulverint side 1-1 in the second round of the Publishers Cup, and got smoked 4-1 by Cafundeu. Maybe Prescott and Ullrich were experimenting, but come on - we're not a weak mid-70's side anymore, we're the 20th team in the world, and we should look like it all the time. Delaclava gained some muster back with a 6-2 whipping of Carasatoga - courtesy of two each from De Braden and Ayala and one each from Filatov and Mustafa Shakur, who got his first international goal - and rallied to win at Bears Armed 2-1 on the shoulders of goals from Ichtyelkov and Alessandro Berrera. They've got one more match in the Publishers Cup against Loonaterian and a friendly at Sorthern Northland, so they need to look sharp.

4. There's an Interzonal Stage after the Zonal one, and Delaclava's fate is up in the air here. Delaclava, who is playing their Interzonal in Bostopia, opened with a 2-2 draw over Newmanistan. Not too terrible, with De Braden scoring his eleventh and twelfth goals of the campaign, but you'd expect to win when the Rockets haven't exactly touched the ball much on the international pitch for a while. Delaclava ended up earning a harder-than-necessary 2-0 win over Mantwenic, courtesy of two from Ayala, but then tied Unitopolis only 1-1. With the two strikers held scoreless, it took a 92nd-minute heroic goal from Lucio Magnani to salvage a draw. Delaclava is currently 1-2-0 for 5 points, with 5 tallies for and 3 against. That puts them 3rd of 6, behind Newmanistan (2-1-0) and The Andromeda Islands (2-0-1). 3rd is good for qualification into the World Cup, but it's not exactly rock solid position. With Pays de Horreur at 3 points but being a top-20 team primed to snatch back qualification, the Phoenixes are in a particularly precarious position at the moment, and although the Phoenixes are still in control of their own destiny, they won't be if they don't do what they need to do.

5. Speaking of Interzonals, Delaclava's hosting one of them. In addition to The Babbage Islands and Cassadaigua, eight nations who applied for the right to host an interzonal were given the chance. Delaclava's interzonal is being played by Sorthern Northland, Nethertopia, Arda, Jesselton, Haginonia, and Cosumar. It's been great competition so far with a couple of surprises - newcomers Haginonia put away Jesselton 5-2 in Blah-dee-blah, and then went on to crush Nethertopia 5-1. As it stands, Sorthern Northland has 9 points and are qualified - even if they tied for third on points, they would have the head-to-head advantage and would still be in - Haginonia and Nethertopia each have 6 points - the Haginonians have the head-to-head advantage - Jesselton and Arda each have three points, and Cosumar has 0. There are still two spots up for grabs, and the Delaclava interzonal culminates in an all-day event at the Delaclava National Athletic Complex which will be the final games for each team and will determine for sure who advances. For those who don't qualify, however, they might be able to stay in Delaclava because...

6. ...there's a Cup of Harmony that Delaclava might be hosting. Delaclava Football Association President Christian Caling announced that Delaclava was "discussing a bid for the 46th Cup of Harmony along with the great nation of Virabia". Specifics are currently being discussed by the two associations, and an official bid is expected to be released within the coming days. Delaclava hosted the same tournament just two editions ago with Valanora. There are some questions as to why Delaclava did not choose a geographically preferable nation, but if Delaclava can't qualify then they'll be playing all their games in their home country, so as far as Phoenixes fans go, it shouldn't be a problem.

7. Michelle Germaine seems to be an able successor to Ganz Ijak over with The Babbage Islands Bumblebees. Although the Islanders are the hosts and don't have to endure qualification, they've still been playing a few friendlies. The Bumblebees did lose to Bears Armed 1-0, but the number-three team in the world can't win every single game and losing to the Bears is perfectly respectable. They then beat Newmanistan 3-2 in a friendly and smothered Legalese 6-2 in their first-round MSMT game. Then, of course, we know what they did to the Phoenixes in the next round. The Bumblebees then proceeded to crush Carasatoga 10-0. There were some questions about whether running up the score so high was entirely ethical, but in her blog, former Bumblebee great Tegan Nash said, "Michelle, my advice is to tell 'em to pound sand. We all know that you started your low three forwards on the depth chart, and eventually substituted all three of them after each had two goals. Seven players found the net. Sometimes everything just works." And for those who have read Germaine's autobiography The Size of the Fight in the Dog: Standing on the Two Legs in my Heart, she comments on blowouts, "If you ask me, deliberately avoiding scoring on a team when you've got six or seven on them is what's disrespectful. At this level, if you get to 9-0 or 10-0, you're at least telling the other team that you respect them as a team that belongs on the international stage and will play them that way. If you get to 6-0 at the half, then put in your reserves and tell them to play some good possession football, you're saying that you don't respect the other team enough to play them like they're at your level. Playing all your reserves is what you do when you're an international team playing a college squad." Although the Babbage team lost to Sarzonia 3-1 in the MSMT semifinals, they did dispatch Swartaz 2-0. So they've put together a good string of games, and assuming they've been staying fresh while everyone else has been slugging it out in the qualifiers, they should go far.

So that's what's happened since we've been recovering from the bomb. Make sure you watch the Pays de Horreur and the Andromeda Islands games - they're really important! We're finally back to regular broadcasting, so you can catch them on DNBS1 again!

[Haginonia]

Haginonia Produce Upset Win

Haginonia have defeated favorites Nethertopia by a massive five-one margin. After losing their first game, and winning their second, the best Haginonia were expecting from this game was a draw, but it got better than that. The goals were lead by a hattrick from striker Emannuel Sarcharga, which was then backed up by a goal from Kwadwo Agyemeng-Badu and substitute Dario Puskas.

This win moved Haginonia into second place in the interzonals. Top placed Sorthern Northland, who are three points ahead of Haginonia, have already qualified and Haginonia are equal with third place Nethertopia and are three points ahead of fourth and fifth place Jesselton and Arda. In the next game Haginonia will play top place Sorthern Northland at Valhalla Stadium, a 105,000 seat stadium which will be the biggest stadium any of the Haginonian players have played in. it is a simple equation for Haginonia, lose and the final game could all come down to goal difference, win and they practically qualify, draw and they will still be in the top three come the final game regardless of other results. A loss would be a great disappointment but they are in form as we have seen in their last two game.

MD1
Arda 2-0 Haginonia (Donovan Field, Mariana, 35,000)

MD2
Haginonia 5-2 Jesselton (Nonsense, Blah-dee-blah, 45,000)

MD3
Haginonia 5-1 Nethertopia (Castle of Night, Brunswick, 60,000)

MD4
Sorthern Northland v Haginonia (Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla, 105,000)

MD5
Cosumar v Haginonia (Adam Levy Memorial Stadium, Catherina, 95,000)

Delaclava Interzonal Standings

   Team                    P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Sorthern Northland      3  3 0  0   8  1  +7  9 Q
 2 Haginonia               3  2 0  1  11  6  +5  6
 3 Nethertopia             3  2 0  1   7  5  +2  6
 4 Jesselton               3  1 0  2   5  8  -3  3
 5 Arda                    3  1 0  2   3  8  -5  3
 6 Cosumar                 3  0 0  3   0  6  -6  0

[Consortina]

NEWSFLASH Consortina

The Chief returns – and he brought back the spirit.

Matchday three saw a spectacular return of the Consortinean team that looked effortless on paper but was everything but that. Before the game, Kelssek looked like a clear favorite since they had scored four points in their first two games while Consortina suffered two rather one-sided defeats. However, it should be taken into account that Consortina had the tougher matchups to begin with. Apart from motivational issues, there was not too much information about which team should have been considered the favorite. And frankly, the teams declined to offer an answer either. Both sides showed rather unspirited play. The game got stuck in the midfield for the better part of the first half. Reich, Weyerhagen and Ravenburg on one side, Colwyn, Cliften and Jenkins on the other plugged the midfield and allowed the other teams no chance to break through. The few chances that broke the deadlock arose after solo efforts over the wings. But all of those attempts eventually got frustrated before they even got near a striker.

It was only appropriate that the first goal fell after a solo run that was actually illegal. Stanislaus Leonbert outran Francois St.Louis on the right flank, entered the area and just tried a finish by lobbig the ball over Zherdek who left the goal too far behind him. It worked spectacularly and the goal was a beauty to behold – nonetheless it should not have counted, seeing that Leonbert was offside when he got the ball from Reich. Normally, an unjust first goal would have been enough to break the discipline of at least one team and lead to more courageous play. But they would have none of it. Consortina withdrew (making the same error that they did against Starblaydia already) to their half and tried to conserve the lead but Kelssek neglected to make much use of the room their opponents had left them. They were handed the majority of the play but were unable to do much with it. To be fair, they created two chances for McElwood and Sinclair, but they were pathetically wasted. After 45 minutes, neither team appeared as a potential winner of this game.

After the halftime break, Kelssek emerged as the stronger team by far. Manager Tupper seemed to have found the right words to rally his team once again. It was not even clear what Xiaowen’s tactical instructions would have been as they were immediately nulled by the Kelssek team who dominated the game right from the beginning. With the substitution of Weitshayer, they had switched their system to increase their weight in the midfield even further, enabling them to halt the Consortinean assaults dead in their tracks. Leonbert, one of the key players in the past games, was completely shut out of the game by the agile Latrobean. Nonetheless, Consortina was able to preserve their slim lead since they at least found confidence in the defense once more. Titus Goldstein, who probably had made the worst game in his career against Andossa, made a strong comeback, winning all but one 1on1 duels and intercepted countless passes. And his colleagues In the defense showed notable improvement as well. Nonetheless – the relentless pressure of the Kelssek squad earned them their fair share of chances and it would probably have been only a matter of time until the defense started to crumble.

Would, that is. Somewhere around the 70th minute (nobody picked it up immediately), three men in black suits appeared in the coaching zone of Consortina, one of them debating with coach Xiaowen and clearly giving him instructions. When the video screen finally picked up on the scene, a cheer of surprise echoed through the stands of the Consortinean fans – their head coach had returned. And the team seemed to take notice as well. Shortly after the arrival of their actual coach, they gathered their composure once again and started to fight back against the Kelssek offence. But Wildgrimson had seen enough – Xiaowen removed Weyerhagen and Toivonen, bringing on Peace and Krok, taking the opportunity to give both of them some instructions on their way. Whether it were these new instructions, the substitutions or the mere appearance of Hartmut Wildgrimson – the Consoritnean team suddenly looked like they knew how to play soccer once again. Kelssek still posed a danger for the Consortinean goal but finally the team started to apply the counterattacks they are notorious for. Mary Peace and Boris Krok marked a goal each, bringing Consortina ahead 3:0. Within mere six minutes, the game had turned about entirely. Despite Kelssek valiantly putting up efforts to the last minute, Consortina played down the clock cynically – this time with success.

The 3-0 gave Consoritna new chances in the interzonal group 1 once more – but it also poses some serious questions:
- What has enabled Wildgrimson to return? Will he be able to coach the team for the next two games?
- What happens to Mr. Xiaowen who filled in a thankless position and didn’t really outperform the already low expectations?
- How dependent IS the team on the ‘right’ coach manning the sidelines?
- How is this episode going to affect the negotiations between Wilgrimson and his federation? There are sponsorship deals, gender issues, appearance fees and a new contract on the agenda and he just strengthened his position considerably.
We can make qualificated guesses about these after the interzonal stage probably. Pretty much anything can happen in the next two games.


STARTING 11 FOR NEXT MATCH

-------------------------------------------# 12 Zorin --------------------------------------------

#5 Gülyin---------#2 Goldstein---------#4 Beer de Shevin----------#13 Erdstetten

--------------------------#6 Reich------------#10 Weyerhagen------------------------------

-----#19 Leonbert-------------------#18 Ravenburg--------------------#8 Peace--------

-----------------------------------------#9 Rothschild -------------------------------------------

(Style will be +3)

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports
Draw vs Novikov

PAP 0
Novikov 0


Frank Roderick's amazing fingertip save in the 89th minute

A fierce match versus Novikov ended in a draw today. Novikov got several shots in, but Frank Roderick did an excellent job of blocking every shot. It seems that a day of rest has done Roderick well, and maybe we should do it more often. The problem is that Roderick is our most reliable goalkeeper. Although Alvarez is great, he is young and isn't yet up to Roderick's level.
Anyway, back to the game. Gonzalez and Mendoza engaged in a one two to slip past the defense and got a shot in, but it unfortunately hit the upright. The game was pretty even, and no team was visibly better than the other. PAP went up a spot, to 4th place in the table, one spot closer to qualification.
Considering that we are the lowest ranked team in the interzonal, we are doing pretty well. Could this be the year we go to a World Cup? What a way that would be to end Steven Sanchez's career as PAPMNT coach.

Our next match is against Bostopia, who just came from a 5-0 defeat by Bears Armed. They are currently 3rd in the table. Hopefully that defeat has made Bostopia a weaker team and can allows us to draw again or maybe win. I think that it's pretty obvious that Steven Sanchez will play defensive again, whether it will be a 4-5-1 or a 6-4-0 is the real question.
It will probably a 4-5-1 with a style modifier of +2, since we drew against Bears Armed with it.

Interzonal Schedule:
MD1 - @Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka: Pretty Awesome Persons 1-3 Aguazul
MD2 - @Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka: Bears Armed 1-1 Pretty Awesome Persons
MD3 - @Zhevassi, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons 0-0 Novikov
MD4 - @Urajbina, Pazhujebu: Bostopia (28th) v Pretty Awesome Persons (69th)
MD5 - @Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Burchadinger (60th)

[The Andromeda Islands]

Between matches, Coach Diana Lazzaro decided to give the Lady Eagles a day of liberty to explore the city of Fort Boston.

Raven Callas and Catherine Zeta Watson, the two youngest members of the Andromeda Eagles, are in the gift shop at the Fort Boston Museum of Modern Art. Watson notices that two of the security guards were watching them.

"Kathy, some of this stuff is cool and all, but I don't really get Modern Art."

"Nevermind that. You see those two guards," Watson asked Callas.

Callas looks over.

"Yeah. What about 'em?"

"I think they're watching us."

"They're Security Guards. It's what they do."

Just as Callas said that, one of the Security Guards pulls out a notebook and walks from the entrance to the gift shop.

"Good afternoon, ladies."

"Good afternoon, officer," Callas says.

"Listen. My partner and I need to settle an argument. Do you two play for the Andromeda Eagles?"

"Uhh, yeah?" Watson says. "Why do you ask?"

"We were at the match against Unitopolis," the guard said. "We saw Catherine Zeta Watson score two goals in the last ten minutes to win that match. I told him that you're Catherine Zeta Watson and Raven Callas."

"Very good," Callas said. "You two watch a lot of Soccer, then?"

The security guard turns to his friend.

"Hey, Tommy. Come here. It's them. I told you it was them."

"I can't leave my post. Have them come here!"

The guard and the two ladies walk over to the guard post. The other guard pulls out his notebook.

"Can we have your autographs?"

Callas pulls out a pen. "Who do I make this out to?"

As Callas and Watson sign the autographs, the two guards tell them that they've become big fans of the Andromeda Eagles in recent days.

"We like your Coach's style," Tommy said. "She really seems to let the players play."

"You should see her during practice," Watson said. "Coach says, 'Practice hard so that the game'll be easy.'"

Once the autographs were signed, Tommy conjurs enough courage to ask the girls out.

"If you need someone to show you around Fort Boston, Johnny and I get off in a few minutes."

"That's okay...," Callas says before Watson interrupts.

"Do you know how to get to the Castle?"

'It's much easier if I show you. If you could wait about ten minutes, we'll change into civilian clothes and meet you somewhere"

"How about the coffee shop down the street?"

"It's a date."

[Aguazul]

La Verdad

We have too qualified for the World Cup

Aguazul defeated Burchadinger to maintain their perfect interzonal record and

...hey! Hey, we have too qualified for the World Cup! And it's our fourth time! That means we get another spot in the World Cup Hall of Fame!

...yes, yes they are actually, Gerardo Riquelme won the last Gold Ball. He also assisted on Dorantes' goal, which was nice, but even if he hadn't, he's certainly of that caliber. And beyond him...take your pick! Cisneros? Villalobos? Bazán? We could even wait and hold off to see if there's even better talent down the road.

...no it wasn't.

Aguazul did, admittedly, concede one goal in between, to Markus Klogh, but were able to come away with all three points and lock up their spot.

...no, it won't be, there's still some time before the tournament gets underway and by then I'm sure the fields will be in good condition.

Now, how about some actual footage of the game? Where is my photographer?

Wait, who are you? No, I don't care that you want to work in a country with an actually good football team. Get out of my newsroom and take that ugly little frog with you.

It is neither pretty, nor awesome.