Futsal World Cup IV [RP/Scores/Rosters]

[The Macabees]

Futsal World Cup
IV

Second Empire of the Golden Throne

Finally, the much awaited Futsal World Cup has begun! Thirty-two nations compete for the most important futsal title the world knows, but only one will be crowned this year. Will the host, two time champion, take the title, or will Jeruselem successfully defend their own claims? Otherwise, will a completely new team take the thrown? A brilliant and exciting tournament awaits us.

[OOC: Sorry about the wait, but with the World Cup and a very long article I had to complete, I didn't have time to start the thread. But, no worries, because here it is! Given the amount of new teams, I think rankings would create a lot of disparity, and so I've decided to base scorination entirely on RP. I will ask someone to rate my RPs based on the general scale I use.]

Group A
Macabees, The
Pays de Horreur
Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Xander-Knafe

Group B
Jesselton
Sarzonia
Albundania
Eastfield Lodge

Group C
Babbage Islands, The
Delaclava
Dorian and Sonya
Puteria

Group D
Jeruselem
Burchadinger
Iron Coast
Toiletdonia

Group E
Daehanjeiguk
Swartaz
Vescia
Tyoduura

Group F
Somewhereistonia
Krytenia
CCOPO
Haimsland

Group G
Cafundéu
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Mantwenic
Velchen

Group H
Taeshan
Balida
Tretskivucia
Aalnordhavn

Tournament Organization
Group Stage (There is no home team advantage, despite playing each team twice)
MD1 (17/7/2010): 1 vs. 4, 3 vs. 2
MD2 (19/7/2010): 2 vs. 4, 1 vs. 3
MD3 (21/7/2010): 4 vs. 3, 2 vs. 1
MD4 (23/7/2010): 4 vs. 1, 2 vs. 3
MD5 (25/7/2010): 4 vs. 2, 3 vs. 1
MD6 (27/7/2010): 3 vs. 4, 1 vs. 2

Round of Sixteen (29/7/2010): Organized in the same fashion the 2010 FIFA World Cup was.
Quarterfinals (31/7/2010)
Semifinals (2/8/2010)
Final and Third Place Play Off (4/8/2010)

[Sarzonia]

[OOC: I'd be willing to grade your RPs if you'd like. Or you can just give yourself the average rating for an RP no matter how good it is as a compromise.]

Sarzonia Stars
Manager: Brian Tawes, 47
Assistant Manager: Matthew Dyson, 38
Goalkeepers Coach: Brad Estill, 54

Players (Starters in BOLD)
Goalkeeper 1 Will Hereford 5'11, 175 pounds; 24 years old
Hereford has cat-like reflexes and is extremely quick coming off his line. He plays angles aggressively; sometimes this causes him to be out of position on shots.
Defender 2 Tomás Colón 6'0, 190 pounds; 29 years old
Uses quickness and is a dogged defender. Is not the fastest player over long runs, but this is negated somewhat on a futsal pitch.
Defender/Midfielder 3 Clayton Wallace 6'2, 205 pounds; 25 years old
Whatever speed Colón lacks, Wallace makes up for. He has excellent ball skills and strong instincts. Also being given a look by the AOCAF side.
Midfielder/Forward 4 Jim Sullivan 5'10, 170 pounds; 28 years old - Team captain
His nose for goal and his ability to orchestrate an offence are what give him both the central role in the team's offence and the captain's armband. Of course, being a natural leader doesn't hurt either.
Forward 5 Ray Tunney 6'1, 210 pounds; 25 years old
He's known more for his ability to get the physical goals, such as goals off crosses or corners. His ball skills are somewhat suspect.
6 Defender Valarie Tillman 5'6, 140 pounds; 28 years old
Tillman makes herself an absolute pest when she plays against men. She led her club team in fouls drawn. Her model looks have sometimes led players who fouled her aggressively during matches to ask her out after them.
7 Defender Sophie Barnes 5'8, 150 pounds; 24 years old
Has a little bit of that Carletta Ryan spunk to her. She's also a dogged defender and is not afraid to mix it up with men, especially bigger ones.
9 Midfielder Alex Johnson 6'1, 200 pounds; 22 years old
Trying to get match fit after minor knee surgery; he'd likely be in the starting lineup if it weren't for the surgery. He was the fastest player of any Star until the surgery. It may take some time before he regains that speed.
10 Forward Jon Wilson 6'3, 215 pounds; 20 years old
No, he's not related to the First Family of Stars football. But that's about the only difference between them and Jon. He grew up emulating Brian and his younger brother Kevin in the backyard and picked up a number of things from them.
12 Midfielder/Forward/Defender Mark Calloway 5'9, 170 pounds; 22 years old
Brought onto the team because he could play all four field positions. He even suggested he could serve as an emergency goalkeeper if necessary.
13 Goalkeeper Henry Gomes 6'4 205 pounds; 35 years old - Alternate captain.
The oldest player on the team by far, Gomes is looked to for his veteran leadership and his "been there, done that" sense of things.

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem Futsal World Cup IV team

Coach: Ailill Ó Riagáin of Southern Northland
* Former Assistant Coach of SN World Cup team.
* Jeru FC World Cup coach for 50 and 51

Goalkeepers
* (F,18) - Tegan Babbage - Bikini model regularly on TV
* (M,24) - Dave Dobbins - Sheepdog trainer

Defense
* (F,20) - Princess Helena Troi Dallas - Daughter of Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas and World Cup play for 50-51.
* (M,20) - Adonis Koutopolis - Likes picking up chicks
* (F,22) - Anne Raynor - Former pole dancing champ and now erotic arts reporter.
* (M,18) - Colin Baker - Junior plumber
* (F,22) - Cassie Cato - Professional beer taster

Offense
* (M,23) - Paul Venetio - Dancing instructor
* (M,21) - Angus Rodan - Farm worker
* (F,25) - Jill Beer - Always the first to get drunk and naked
* (F,19) - Joanne Jane - Trainee Naked News Jeruselem reporter, friend of Sam Sallad
* (M,23) - Wayne Kanga - Finesse isn't his style but it works.

[The Macabees]

Macabee National Futsal Team: Futsal World Cup II Squad

Style Modifier: +2

Kit
[float=left][/float]
The home futsal kit is designed to represent the original colors of the Macabee flag. The gold represents "the Golden Throne", while the black and white are taken directly from the old Imperial flag. However, the four stars represent the "Old Empire", and the three new territories (Guffingford, Safehaven and Theohuanacu). The Imperial Eagle, of course, represents Fedala and the House of Catalán, as well as the Second Empire. This specific kit was first designed for this specific year, and was released earlier during the year. Although usually Macabee national teams tend to opt for foreign kit contractors, this one is unique since it was designed and produced by a local clothing company. So, the Macabee National Futsal Team is one of the few teams to have opted for a local kit maker. It is expected to remain the Imperial kit for some time to come—at least until Futsal World Cup II.

Management
Manager: Síesmar Ret—Ret, fifty-seven years old, led the Second Empire of the Golden Throne to two consecutive futsal world cup victories (first and second tournament), only to finally retire from national management and see his squad go down in the semifinals to Daehanjeiguk during the third tournament. He has voluntarily come back to take the reigns of the Second Empire's futsal team, looking for the same success he found during his first two stints as national manager. Unfortunately, he does not count on the same men he did twelve and eight years ago, but the men he does have are equally as capable.

Squad
Noríen Sem (21), Goalkeeper: Sem is very young and very talented. He has the keen ability to stay close to the goal, while keeping track of the ball, making it very difficult for opposing players to score around him. As a result, he does a very good job at keeping "foreign balls" out the goal, offering a huge advantage to the national team. Although fairly large in terms of stature, he is still very athletic and nimble, allowing him to stretch himself out to force blocks.

Formas Teném (25), Goalkeeper: Teném, while older, is still very agile and talented, although generally not held in as high regard as Norién Sem. Nevertheless, there are reasons why he was chosen as second-string goalkeeper. He is, without a doubt, the best replacement for Sem, on the national level. He has many similar attributes, although he not as experienced, nor as fast as Sem, giving him a slight relative disadvantage. Nevertheless, he is a fearless defender and has done a good job at keeping the the "goals against" count low in all of the games he has played in for his league team.

Visent Felé (27): Felé is fast and can run for long periods of time, making him a valuable player in the back of the formation and in the center. He is also a talented playmaker, which means that he has the ability to control the speed of the game, and set up the play for the strikers up front. As a result, he tends to hang back and act as a safety and playmaker simultaneously. This gives the team a large advantage in terms of being able to stop the opposing team from making a breakaway, while it also gives them a good player that can make good passes behind defenses and create goal scoring opportunities.

Díeg Nastik (23): Nastik wiss now being included as a starter. He plays great in the middle of the court, able to strike hard from a distance and also connect with players on top of court. He's a fast thinker, making him a powerful asset, and he is known for hustling up and down, giving him the ability to preform miraculous defending duties. He is, without a doubt, a great addition to the squad.

Three other players have been chosen as secondaries for the same position, more or less: Roj Cer (21), Gregor Fíel (18) and Nan Ves (19).

Jonas Catá (22): Catá is fast, flexible and a great juggler. He is known for his "Maradonas", and for setting up great shots.

Frederik Ferlón (25):

Nantes Drek (24):

All Macabee international futsal strikers tend to be young, to take advantage of an increase in energy. Three others were chosen as potential replacements during the game: Varg Cederik (22), Lars Retanol (18) and Mika Cartól (19).

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem's Futsal World IV coach with Princess Helena Troi Dallas (aka "Claire")

Ailill Ó Riagáin: I've been watching the videos of the last cup.
Claire: Yeah?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: We've got a pretty aggressive strategy.
Claire: Well, attack is best form of defense.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: I don't think this team can sustain your mother's strategy.
Claire: We're going all conservative?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: No, we have to be more patient and not go all out attack.
Claire: I hope you're going to use System Karela on us?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: I have a different strategy to what your mother does.
Claire: More the Merginn Moffat style?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: You could say that.
Claire: So what you think of this team?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: How come they are all basically amateur Futsal players?
Claire: Hey, I'm not a stupid amateur player.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: You don't count there.
Claire: We don't have professional Futsal leagues.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: How come so much women?
Claire: Women want to look good and keep fit, so they don't turn into beach whales when they get older.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: And you can pick up good looking fit men while you're it.
Claire: Well, that too.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: So why are you here?
Claire: Mum was a winning Futsal player and coach. I'm just taking over the mantle.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: You seem to be rather popular in Futsal circles.
Claire: Well, if there was an all-star Futsal team ... my mother would be in there. I'm the next generation of kick-ass Futsal Dallas girls.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: But other teams might think you're just the average defender.
Claire: I'm no feather duster. Two World Cups, and I'm gonna be a Futsal World Champ too. I'm not here for a holiday.
Ailill Ó Riagáin: I don't want any trouble on the pitch.
Claire: Like?
Ailill Ó Riagáin: Bad language and hitting people.
Claire: It's not my fault I'm tempermental like Mum.

[The Macabees]

So, given the following,

• Only three people have role-played thus far.
• I am super hung over from last night.

Scorination will not occur until I come back from work, which is at 8PM Pacific Time. So, you have around nine hours to post if you want.

[Daehanjeiguk]

The Monks of Sungsan are coming out once more again as the pre-eminent experts on futsal, representing the Han Empire once more again. There's probably some SLANI rule about wearing shoes, so these chaps will all be wearing specially-made footwear, designed to give the wearer only the basics in terms of comfort. As always, the monks dress in golden ceremonial robes for every match; we assure everyone that these monks know that nudity is not particularly palatable, so de-robing is not a valid mode of celebration. Moreover, you can't pray every single time you score a goal; and you can only kick the ball, not your opponents (futsal is a bit tougher at the monastery ).

And so without further ado, your great team roster (again)!

Starting Line-up

GK - Brother Sang: Big and chubby, he's got a strong kick and a stronger gut. Selected obviously for his skill at stopping the ball. He's also reputedly the 41st incarnation of the head of the monastery, so he also acts as the head of the team.
DF - Brother Sang: Not so big a chubby, but definitely tall. He's got a big head too, so he can stop the ball in the air. And his footwork is sublime (damned shoes might get in the way though).
DMC - Brother Sang: Big, tall, kindly. He wouldn't hurt a butterfly, so his method of playing the ball involves supremely adept disengagement and peaceable dispossession. And his touches on the ball are so feathery light too.
AMC - Brother Sang: Short, but definitely mischievous. He's got great speed, so watch out for his pace on and off the ball. His footwork is peerless among the community, so explains his selection into this team, in spite of his young age (well, maybe he's just one of those old people who look young?).
ST - Brother Sang: He's got a poor touch, but his shooting and passing are sublime. He is deftly accurate. Rumor has it that he spends 1093 hours a week kicking, whacking, and otherwise hitting a ball on a bullseye from about 10 meters out; and that's pretty darned impressive, considering there are only 168 hours in a week.

Subs
GK - Brother Sang: Less chubby, more leaky; obviously not as good as Brother Sang.
DF - Brother Sang: He's got a weak head; we're not even sure if he has one.
MF - Brother Sang: Combine Brother Sang's method of dispossession and Brother Sang's mischievous dexterity, and you won't get this person; still, it's a nice thought.
ST - Brother Song: Well, ain't that a change? The only brother not named Sang.

RP as you feel; just don't make my monks do things that are unbecoming of monks (i.e. steal, murder, sex, etc...).

Playing Style: +max; for monks, they like to attack.

FWC IV - Group E
MD1: vs Tyoduura
MD2: vs Vescia
MD3: vs Swartaz
MD4: vs Tyoduura
MD5: vs Vescia
MD6: vs Swartaz

[Daehanjeiguk]

FWC IV - Group E
MD1: vs Tyoduura
MD2: vs Vescia
MD3: vs Swartaz
MD4: vs Tyoduura
MD5: vs Vescia
MD6: vs Swartaz

Continued from here...

It soared.

It missed.

The timer called for time, and it was without a doubt a victory for the demons. Sang looked despondent at the master who had led him so far through this tournament.

"Well, it's time to say good bye."

"Wait, it's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..."

Sang's pleas faded as the vortex summoning the demons dragged him away into the dark abyss. And with that, the court erupted in full joy. They glanced at the master - Master Sang now - who returned back to the crowds of the monks. They congratulated him for a good well done. The temple master nodded his head as he approached Master Sang. He was all smiles.

"You have done it now! You have freed yourself from the pestilence of the demon-boy."

Master Sang nodded in return. "It was a long and hard journey, but I am finally free from his burdens. I cannot quite believe how I had fallen for his ploys, a desperate child looking for enlightenment."

"They will come to us in many forms, but we must equally resist the desire to help them. For once we are with them, we will be stuck with them forever. But you..." the temple master patted his shoulders. "You have freed yourself. Perhaps now would be time for some good rest?"

"I think that I shall meditate now," Master Sang replied. "It has been a trying journey, and I will need to regain my focus."

"Focus is good."

MBC Sports

Reprieve Take Two!

THE MACABEES - We're back again in the Empire of the Golden Throne or something else just quite like it, here for the 4th edition of the Futsal World Cup. And once again, owing to the lack of domestic interest, we're having monks represent us. Not that it's bad or anything, but it's more sad that people still don't care enough about futsal. In a few years, we might have a futsal league, but for the moment, only the Monks of Sungsan Monastery are leading the way in domestic interest. As such, you probably won't get too many people reading this.

But after reaching the cup final (again), the Monks are well placed into Group E with Swartaz, Vescia, and Tyoduura. Heaven knows who they are and if they can play well, but the Monks make it a habit to play each game like it's the last one. And typically, it's done marvels for the monks. But we'll wait and see what comes of it. In the meantime, we've got a look ahead for the Second Round, with a fascinating 32 teams contending for the trophy. Top shots Jeruselem and their harem of men (yes, we said that [ed. I didn't]) are stuck in Group D, while the hosts are quite happily at home in Group A. We've got a few of those football-minded countries as well, with Cafundéu, Krytenia, and Taeshan joining the action on what is likely to be our side of the bracket. Curious to see how things turn out in that respect.

Oh, and have you seen our red balloon yet?

[Toiletdonia]

Toi Echo
Futsal World cup starts

Last night Teroian fans arrived in The Macabees for the futsal world cup. This is a very new sport to Teroi but most people assumed it was a football style sport so the fans left in their hoards. The Teroian federation of sport has said that there will be no roster but they have decided to pick a team of monks from the mountain. All these monks are part of the sport proclamation an insane religion where people pray to god to give their team a good result. They are all called Bob, Jim, or Dave and are all doing this for the sheer fun of it.

Although the manager is the one area where we aren't lacking in knowledge and professionalism. They managed to find a guy who understood the sport call Steve. He has managed several football sides and is good at the whole managerial side of things. We asked him earlier of what he thought of the group and he said "Have they drawn it already? Damn I'll have to go check."

For those of you who don't know what the group is ,it is this:

Group D
Jeruselem
Prediction: 1st
They are the defending champions and will pose a threat to us all. Teroi seriously hope that we can come out of the game against them with a dignified result. A narrow defeat would be an achievement against this team of volunteers (But we are all volunteers to.) But as always Teroi are optimistic and are aiming for a draw in this game.
Burchadinger
Prediction: 3rd
Our rivals who we will face for the fist time (We just assume they are rivals.) We know this game could be a win and we will fight for it. Hopefully a win in many opinion but anything can happen. No matter the result it is likely that one of these teams will come off with the bragging rights and the other shall live in shame for ever (or at least until the next game.)
Iron Coast
Prediction: 4th
Iron Coast are very new here and we expect a good result. Seeing as we are also unranked a draw might be the end result. We don't hate them and they don't hate us so it should be a pleasant game to watch.
Toiletdonia
Prediction: 2nd
Well this is us and we are here to fight. We should just make it to the knock-out stage but it will be close.

***

"I never thought that we would get called up so anything. I always thought our job was just to bring good luck by praying."

"So did I but obviously god is smiling on us."

"I'm just glad we all fitted into the name range otherwise it just wouldn't have been as good."

"Yeah but I still have no idea why they chose us weird smelling weak monks to play for a national anything."

"Well maybe they think that they will have god one their side."

"That would explain it but really it is a bit bizarre."

"Who is going to pray while were gone? And who is going to look after the beer erm I mean holy water."

"I'm sure we can still pray before games and buy some more holy water later."

"I guess but it would be nice to have someone pray for us. You know just so we can have peace at mind."

"Oh well we shouldn't need to worry."

"Well then lets pack our bag were going to the second empire!"

"HOORAY! Wait a sec if it is the second empire what is the first empire?"

"You know I'm not sure..."

"It doesn't really matter but what music have you guys put on you Ipod for the flight?"

"David Bowie, U2 and the cure."

"I've got some stuff by the pixies and some stuff by the white stripes."

"Cool I have 2 hours of Nirvana."

"Did they really make that much stuff?"

"No I'm just going to listen to smells like teen for half an hour and then listen to the rest of the album twice I left the other albums out because.. well they suck really."

"Fair enough."

"Lets go then boys!"

[Pays de Horreur]

The Pays de Horreur Cirque du Horreur Futsal team.

The Pays de Horreur team participating in the fourth edition of the Futsal World Cup is the same team that featured in the third, comprised of the nation’s favorite Circus attractions, due, in part to the lack of a Futsal infrastructure in Pays de Horreur and the desire of the ring leader Mr. Richter to showcase his famous Circus on an international forum. The aim of their appearance is not to win the World Cup but to attract a large enough foreign audience to take the Cirque du Horreur on tour.

Manager/Coach – Mr. Richter – The ringmaster. Leads with an iron fist, an actual iron fist, if one of his “players” steps out of line or makes a mistake he’s likely to devise some sadistic and humiliating punishment. Often seen in a top hat wielding his cat o’ nine tails.

Goalkeeper

Kano and Kang the Siamese Twins. Perhaps with a slight advantage, they have two pairs of hands and four legs, the cunning Mr. Richter decided they would make the best goalkeeper as they would take up more space in the goal. Lack a little mobility and may prove awkward when deciding which one of them kicks the ball.

Outfield

Renzo the dancing bear. Renzo is a hulking bear with a large ring through his nose. Forced to dance in Mr. Richter’s circus, the ringmaster now has the bear playing in front of the goalkeeper, not far from his reach and still on a chain.

Hercule the midget. No circus is complete without a resident short man. Standing only 4feet tall Hercule is likely to be the smallest player in the cup. He’s quick and agile, but the ball is as big as his head.

Timothy the strong man. Tim is the “muscle” in a team that also features a bear. Temperamental is his middle name and if things don’t go the way of the circus he’s likely to have a fit. A little dimwitted, which helps explain his total obedience to Mr. Richter.

Wallace the lion tamer. There is a fine line between bravery and idiocy and Wallace rests on that line. He’s sans lion while at the World Cup, which just makes him Wallace, a tall, slender and athletic man but maybe a few marbles short of a picnic.

Other Attractions

Worth taking a peek at, whilst the team plays, in the Big Top just outside are Guillaume, the sword swallower, watch in amazement as he manages to “swallow” a sword, then gaze in astonishment as somebody else does something else weird with something else. That somebody is Laurent, the fire eater who will change your opinion on even the most fiery curry you have ever eaten. After that hold your breath as the acrobats astonish you with their daring feats high above the ground. Ioki, Maki and India perform daredevil stunts pushing the limits between life and death. And finally, Trudy the bearded lady, won’t be appearing.

[The Macabees]

Match Day One

Group A
Macabees, The 10-1 Xander-Knafe
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 2-8 Pays de Horreur

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Macabees, The              1   1   0   0   10    1    9    3
   2  Pays de Horreur            1   1   0   0    8    2    6    3
   3  Koseli Cumhuriyetler       1   0   0   1    2    8   -6    0
   4  Xander-Knafe               1   0   0   1    1   10   -9    0

Group B
Jesselton 1-2 Eastfield Lodge
Albundania 1-5 Sarzonia

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Sarzonia                   1   1   0   0    5    1    4    3
   2  Eastfield Lodge            1   1   0   0    2    1    1    3
   3  Jesselton                  1   0   0   1    1    2   -1    0
   4  Albundania                 1   0   0   1    1    5   -4    0

Group C
Babbage Islands, The 2-6 Puteria
Dorian and Sonya 3-4 Delaclava

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Puteria                    1   1   0   0    6    2    4    3
   2  Delaclava                  1   1   0   0    4    3    1    3
   3  Dorian and Sonya           1   0   0   1    3    4   -1    0
   4  Babbage Islands, The       1   0   0   1    2    6   -4    0

Group D
Jeruselem 4-7 Toiletdonia
Iron Coast 2-0 Burchadinger

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Toiletdonia                1   1   0   0    7    4    3    3
   2  Iron Coast                 1   1   0   0    2    0    2    3
   3  Burchadinger               1   0   0   1    0    2   -2    0
   4  Jeruselem                  1   0   0   1    4    7   -3    0

Group E
Daehanjeiguk 8-4 Tyoduura
Vescia 2-4 Swartaz

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Daehanjeiguk               1   1   0   0    8    4    4    3
   2  Swartaz                    1   1   0   0    4    2    2    3
   3  Vescia                     1   0   0   1    2    4   -2    0
   4  Tyoduura                   1   0   0   1    4    8   -4    0

Group F
Somewhereistonia 5-4 Haimsland
CCOPO 2-6 Krytenia

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Krytenia                   1   1   0   0    6    2    4    3
   2  Somewhereistonia           1   1   0   0    5    4    1    3
   3  Haimsland                  1   0   0   1    4    5   -1    0
   4  CCOPO                      1   0   0   1    2    6   -4    0

Group G
Cafundéu 7-4 Velchen
Mantwenic 5-8 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Andossa Se Mitrin Vega     1   1   0   0    8    5    3    3
   2  Cafundéu                   1   1   0   0    7    4    3    3
   3  Mantwenic                  1   0   0   1    5    8   -3    0
   4  Velchen                    1   0   0   1    4    7   -3    0

Group H
Taeshan 4-5 Aalnordhavn
Tretskivucia 5-5 Balida

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Aalnordhavn                1   1   0   0    5    4    1    3
   2  Tretskivucia               1   0   1   0    5    5    0    1
   3  Balida                     1   0   1   0    5    5    0    1
   4  Taeshan                    1   0   0   1    4    5   -1    0

[Toiletdonia]

Toi Echo

Matchday 1 in The Second Empire

After days of build up the team consisting mainly of monks played in their first game. They played previous champions Jeruselem and had a great game for was is essentially a team of confused amateur enthusiasts. The loosely assembled group of bald men beat the favourites for the group in an exciting game.

The game started well for Jeruselem. After only 2 minutes they got the ball roughly half-way and crossed it in over the top. It was a header that put it in and the team of what we assume are holy people as well. They were on the attack after that still. It wasn't long until they got the second goal which came from a long scrabble in the Teroian half. In the process one of the monks Dave got injured and was taken off. It was later realised that he fractured his arm.

Soon after the game settled into counter-attack after counter attack. Teroi got a couple of good chances. Jim nearly scored for the priests when he got the ball deep in opposition territory. He shot at the goal but it was deflected into the bar and away into the box and it went around like a pinball. It finally fell to one of the Dave's and he shot. Sadly it hit row X and the chance had gone.

It was in the 18th minute that finally there was a break through. It was a Bob who scored. He got the ball in our own half and ran down the wing. He cut in and dribbled past the defence. He had only the keeper to beat and he ran at him. He looked like he was going to try a shot but he chipped it over the top and into the net.

More goals came before half-time. Teroi finally turned the game on it's head. A Jim got the ball and crossed it in. It was a Bob who got the end of it and headed it home into the net. The next goal came from a Dave. He got the ball in a defence splitting pass and kicked it off his weak foot into the back of the net. Finally it was half-time and things were looking good for the priests. News from the other game said that their rivals (Burchadinger) were losing to the Iron Coast side 1-0.

The first goal of the second half came from a Jim. It was Bob on the ball who dribbled it down the wing. He passed it to Dave who took a shot. It was deflected away to Jim. He smashed it home past the keeper to make it 4-2. The Teroian crowd went mad with beer and celebration. There were even a few tears, for once it looked like Teroi were about to achieve something.

Later though Jeruselem hit a quick spell of luck in the 11th and 12th minutes to bring it back to 4-4. Teroi hit back though almost instantly from the kick-off. It was a pass from Bob to Jim. He put it back to Dave who dribbled forward and shot powerfully. It soared in the air up and up. It then dipped back down sharply to go into the net. The keeper flailed for it but it was no use. Dave ran off to the side line where he was jumped on by fans. The mood went from worried to party again and the fans started to enjoy it.

The game continued in a good way for Teroi. Minutes later another goal came. This time it was Jim who got the ball from the opponents goal kick. He ran forward jumped over the keeper and stopped it on the line. He then got down on his tummy and knocked it over the line with his head. It was later labelled "Weirdest goal of the century."

The final goal came from the manager Steve. He put himself on for the last minute and he got the ball from Jim. He ran past the whole of the opponents defence and attack. Finally he had only the keeper to beat and he kicked it at the goal. It flew through the air with elegance and grace and finally hit the bar smashing down just over the line as a goal. He jumped into the crowd and was picked up by it. The ref blew the final whistle and the partying went on long into the night. Especially after news came through that rivals Burchadinger had lost 2-0. At the minute it looks like Teroi could be leading the group and maybe going far in this tournament in the second empire.

Group D
Jeruselem 4-7 Toiletdonia
Iron Coast 2-0 Burchadinger

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Toiletdonia                1   1   0   0    7    4    3    3
   2  Iron Coast                 1   1   0   0    2    0    2    3
   3  Burchadinger               1   0   0   1    0    2   -2    0
   4  Jeruselem                  1   0   0   1    4    7   -3    0

***

"WOW!"

"I really can't believe it we really won that game!"

"Yeah that made me feel alive."

*Someone knocks on the door.*

"Hey I wonder who this is."

"Probably just some fans."

"Yeah probably."

*They open the door and a man in black robes comes in.*

"Oh god I knew there was a catch."

"Hello I am the priest. You monks have done well and congrats on that."

"Thanks but what do you want?"

"Well before you continue on your quest for I have something to tell you."

"Well what is it?"

"If you get knocked out before the quarter-final you will be taken to hell to spend eternity."

"Oh dear that isn't good."

"That isn't all. If you don't finish third we will do something no as bad."

"What?"

"Well we will deport you to hull"

"That makes no sense! If anything that is a worse punishment!"

"You have been warned."

*A puff of smoke and he disappears*

"Well then we better go to training."

[Sarzonia]

A goalkeepers coach has every right to be pleased about his team's defensive performance when they only concede one goal in a futsal match.

Add to it an offence that produced five goals in a convincing 5-1 victory over Albundania and Brian Tawes had plenty of reasons to be happy with his squad.

"We did some really good things out there on both sides of the ball," he said. "We expected a few growing pains for our first match, but if we demonstrated any, we may do well in this tournament."

While Sarzonia (1-0-0) are level with Eastfield Lodge after that team's 2-1 victory over Jesselton, the Stars took the momentary lead in the table due to a plus-four goal differential. The match between the two teams will likely be billed as being the group title match, but goalie Will Hereford said that talk was premature.

"Let's not put too much importance into one match. We have a six-match group stage," he said. "They had a tough go against Jesselton, and that's whom we face in the next match. We've got to make sure we do what we need to do for us to reach our goals."

Media types in other countries might be crowing about The Golden Throne's 10-1 rout of Xander-Knafe or Pays de Horreur's 8-2 thrashing of Koseli Cumhuriyetler instead of Sarzonia's victory. The Stars triumph may not have been the most dominating performance of the first Matchday of the Futsal World Cup, but for defender Tomás Colón, that was more than enough.

"We're not worried about anything that happens outside of what we can control," Colón said. "And frankly, we have more important matters to think about than The Golden Throne winning 10-1 or Pays de Horreur winning 8-2."

"Even if goal difference or total goals scored turn out to be tiebreakers for a higher seed in the knockouts?"

"We're not there yet," Colón said. "Right now, our focus is on Eastfield Lodge."

In fact, the Stars were far more interested in how their southern neighbours Delaclava were doing. Many of them cheered wildly in their dressing room when the final whistle sounded on the large screen television and the Phoenixes pulled out a 4-3 victory over Dorian and Sonya.

"When we're not playing them, we usually always support Delaclava," midfielder/forward Jim Sullivan said. "The only way we don't support them is if we're playing them or we need them to lose for us to qualify for knockouts. Even if the latter were to happen, it's still hard to root against them."

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem's Futsal World IV coach with Princess Helena Troi Dallas (aka "Claire")

Ailill: Well, that was interesting.
Claire: We f**king lost the game, that's no bl**dy good.
Ailill: That's because we didn't defend very well.
Claire: We lost because we waited for them to attack and them counterattack. One is not going win a game waiting for the other team to strike first.
Ailill: We just had to hold possession for longer.
Claire: It's hard to do that when most of the team is defending and not many do the attacking.
Ailill: We were justing doing that all wrong.
Claire: We lost because they kept on attacking after we lost the ball from defending. You're not going win the game if the opponent is given time to attack first.
Ailill: Just means we need more practice with this new tactic.
Claire: We're better at scoring goals than defending. We didn't win the last cup by defending first and attacking after.
Ailill: I don't think the old tactic of holding the ball and stalking in their half will work this cup.
Claire: It works, you draw out their players out of the defensive area and someone like me who's quick and faster beats the keeper.
Ailill: But that takes far too much energy, you can't keep it up for the whole game.
Claire: It's a lot better than wasting energy waiting for them to come at you, some teams are all out attack ... they won't stop attacking all game like today.
Ailill: Surely, they'll get worn out and slow down - then we strike.
Claire: The distance between the goals is a lot shorter so the transition between defending and attack is about NIL.
Ailill: Not to worry, this is our first game. We're just a little rusty.
Claire: Losing is not an option in my book.
Ailill: We'll be back on the winning track soon. I know you think the way Mum did thing was better but she's not here.
Claire: But in the past, we didn't lose many games especially the first one.
Ailill: This is a new team, we don't have the past veterans here. We're just getting used to new things.
Claire: Well, it's gonna be your fault in the end man.
Ailill: Don't worry Princess, you stress too easily.
Claire: I don't want to go home so early.
Ailill: Relax, have a beer.
Claire: I'd be more relaxed with a win. Losing makes me unhappy.
Ailill: You can't win everything everyday.
Claire: It's no good losing a game we should have won. We should have won this game.
Ailill: The other two teams only scored two goals between themselves. We should be fine.
Claire: Well, I hope you're right.

[Daehanjeiguk]

FWC IV - Group E
MD1: 8-4 vs Tyoduura
MD2: vs Vescia
MD3: vs Swartaz
MD4: vs Tyoduura
MD5: vs Vescia
MD6: vs Swartaz

MBC Sports

Evil Cat Spoils Han Win Over Tyoduura

THE MACABEES - Well, it's not too often you get to read just a newspaper article, but today the writer of all those weird melodramas got called in sick on account of yelling too much at the recent DBC quarterfinal match (why he needs to yell at a kiddie's match is one question, why he needs a voice is another). In any case, we're stuck with yet another dilemma as we could detail in detail the epic 8-4 win over Tyoduura, which was rather boring, or we could detail the serious case of a rabid cat (at least we think it was rabid...) that terrorized the crowds.

In our ever-present quest to please everyone and no one, we'll do both - starting with the match. As we are all well aware, futsal is a sport much like football, except the court is much small and the walls are pretty much in play. No out of bounds (unless you break the walls, in which case you've got more problems than if you hadn't broken the boundaries) and pretty much any surface is playable. Ideally, you'll want to score in the box-like goal, but you can also juggle the ball around the walls and wow the crowds with expert skillz. But you won't win too many games that way. Hands are off-limits, and penalties are just as hard as real shots. With that in mind, the monks of Sungsan Monstery showed some real skills on the ball, something that they have spent many years tempering and perfecting. And while they are not perfect in themselves, they're pretty darned good at it, and they clearly dominated the play of the game. They went up on an early 3-nil lead before Tyoduura had a shot on goal (which went in). They were up 5-1 when Tyoduura scored yet another goal. And while Tyoduura did manage a near come back, scoring twice in the final 5 minutes of play, the final result was really never in doubt. The monks dominated play and they controlled the ball quite cleanly. Unfortunately, their attack minded play made them quite vulnerable on the defensive end, but when you're scoring as many goals as you can, then those thrilling high-scoring matches are never too far away. It'll be good confidence for the monks as well, when they take on Vescia, who lost their opener against Swartaz 2-4.

But enough about the match, because I can guarantee you that 70% of the people in the arena did not watch the game. Instead, they were panicked and running away from a ferocious cat, who apparently was upset that there were monks in the arena. The little furball paraded round and round the arena, tearing into people as it went along its merry way (well, maybe it was merry terrorizing the people there...). At length, the security guards had to get a fire extinguisher because the cat had started a fire on someone's pants, but not until after it had already caused a power outage, pulled 1093 wedgies on pantless spectators, broken out of jail using only fingernail clippers and catnip, and in sum caused all sorts of mayhem. Doubtless, authorities in the Second Empire will be keen to avoid future travesties as this, particularly by animals of no particular origin. The cat was eventually apprehended, tossed on a raft with a sail set for distant lands. Heaven knows where the cat will be, and heaven knows that the authorities will attempt to deny any existence of an "evil cat".

But rest assured, it really did happen. You can't pull out enough duct tape to hide all of the cat scratches at the arena, and if anyone else begs to differ, they can have my job and eat it too.

[The Macabees]

Match Day Two

[Next match day will be scored in two days.]

Group A
Pays de Horreur 5-2 Xander-Knafe
Macabees, The 5-7 Koseli Cumhuriyetler

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Pays de Horreur            2   2   0   0   13    4    9    6
   2  Macabees, The              2   1   0   1   15    8    7    3
   3  Koseli Cumhuriyetler       2   1   0   1    9   13   -4    3
   4  Xander-Knafe               2   0   0   2    3   15  -12    0

Group B
Sarzonia 4-1 Eastfield Lodge
Jesselton 5-0 Albundania

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Sarzonia                   2   2   0   0    9    2    7    6
   2  Jesselton                  2   1   0   1    6    2    4    3
   3  Eastfield Lodge            2   1   0   1    3    5   -2    3
   4  Albundania                 2   0   0   2    1   10   -9    0

Group C
Delaclava 1-5 Puteria
Babbage Islands, The 2-3 Dorian and Sonya

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Puteria                    2   2   0   0   11    3    8    6
   2  Dorian and Sonya           2   1   0   1    6    6    0    3
   3  Delaclava                  2   1   0   1    5    8   -3    3
   4  Babbage Islands, The       2   0   0   2    4    9   -5    0

Group D
Burchadinger 1-8 Toiletdonia
Jeruselem 11-1 Iron Coast

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Toiletdonia                2   2   0   0   15    5   10    6
   2  Jeruselem                  2   1   0   1   15    8    7    3
   3  Iron Coast                 2   1   0   1    3   11   -8    3
   4  Burchadinger               2   0   0   2    1   10   -9    0

Group E
Swartaz 3-5 Tyoduura
Daehanjeiguk 15-1 Vescia

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Daehanjeiguk               2   2   0   0   23    5   18    6
   2  Swartaz                    2   1   0   1    7    7    0    3
   3  Tyoduura                   2   1   0   1    9   11   -2    3
   4  Vescia                     2   0   0   2    3   19  -16    0

Group F
Krytenia 4-5 Haimsland
Somewhereistonia 6-5 CCOPO

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Somewhereistonia           2   2   0   0   11    9    2    6
   2  Krytenia                   2   1   0   1   10    7    3    3
   3  Haimsland                  2   1   0   1    9    9    0    3
   4  CCOPO                      2   0   0   2    7   12   -5    0

Group G
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 6-1 Velchen
Cafundéu 3-4 Mantwenic

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Andossa Se Mitrin Vega     2   2   0   0   14    6    8    6
   2  Cafundéu                   2   1   0   1   10    8    2    3
   3  Mantwenic                  2   1   0   1    9   11   -2    3
   4  Velchen                    2   0   0   2    5   13   -8    0

Group H
Balida 5-3 Aalnordhavn
Taeshan 2-2 Tretskivucia

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Balida                     2   1   1   0   10    8    2    4
   2  Aalnordhavn                2   1   0   1    8    9   -1    3
   3  Tretskivucia               2   0   2   0    7    7    0    2
   4  Taeshan                    2   0   1   1    6    7   -1    1

[Tyoduura]

Tyoduura have sent a team to the fourth Futsal World Cup, after it was decided that the national sports, Tyoduuran rules futsal, had produced enough decent-quality players to send to an international tournament, even if the rules were different - the national sport being more akin to ice hockey on rollerskates and a hard court than to actual futsal.

However, the ten players that have been sent are known only by their first names, something the Football Board says is to protect them from being attacked by other jealous players who failed to make the team upon their return home.

Goalkeeper: Franesliis (sub: Yaiiva)
Defenders: Heruuna, Guuvoai (subs: Jackson, Owiin)
Midfielder: Johnson (sub: Ootuin)
Forward: Albert (sub: Sleci)

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem's Futsal World IV coach with Princess Helena Troi Dallas (aka "Claire")

Ailill: See Princess, I know what I'm doing.
Claire: That's because Iron Coast are a bunch of numpties who don't know what they were doing today.
Ailill: Admitted Iron Coast had an awful game today.
Claire: Not as bad the folks who played the Han.
Ailill: Yes, they'll always be teams who get their asses kicked.
Claire: Their ball turnover was pretty clumsy to watch.
Ailill: Doesn't help if you're playing the World Champs like us either.
Claire: They were too passive, too much dithering. We jump on them and they lose the ball, then we score lots of goals.
Ailill: I don't think they are used to fast pace of Futsal.
Claire: Futsal is a fast game, no room for dithering and time wasting.
Ailill: Especially with people you like you around.
Claire: You have to get in their face and show they can't have too much time in the ball. If you don't pass it, I'll take it off you.
Ailill: They didn't seem to like direct attacks.
Claire: Well, they should get used to it. All the best teams attack hard, fast and direct ... none of this pussy footing around.
Ailill: I don't think they are used to aggressive teams.
Claire: The crowds demand goals, Jeruselem deliver goals.
Ailill: Wasn't quite expecting eleven goals though.
Claire: The Han scored 15! We could have done better!
Ailill: I'm new to all this. Still working out the difference between football and Futsal.
Claire: Futsal is football on speed. Smaller package, bigger hit.
Ailill: It's not the game for old Ailill here. Still losing 11-1 is crap. Maybe there were a few distractions?
Claire: Like what?
Ailill: All the girls on our team are pretty good looking and have impressive ... err
Claire: Hey, nothing wrong with a good pair!
Ailill: I'm not complaining.
Claire: Who cares if people stare, if it gives us the advantages!
Ailill: I'm not used to it, I've been working with an all male team for a while.
Claire: Well, it's WIN OR BUST.
Ailill: In this case, lots of a good busts.
Claire: So what about mine? Eh?
Ailill: I'm a married man Princess.
Claire: Doesn't stop married men looking.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Starting 5

GK	10	M	Rohoyejy “Roho” Ess'kin'onn		26	6’3	195
M/D	12	F	Rideka Wor'qua			24	6’0	211
M/D	22	M	Aoughyightu N'turdar			19	6’5	210
F/M	11	M	Zodecuco “Cuco” Um'echa		23	6’0	184
F/M	23	M	Owarokime Ny'lere			25	5’10	175


Bench

GK	30	F	Negizina Ny'lere			24	5’9	155
M/D	25	F	Salosyde Old'pol'onn			27	5’10	165
M/D	41	M	Dobyhi Den'or'igh 			17	5’11	180
F/M	14	M	Kiweey Ryn'tin 			20	6’2	193
F/M	00	M	Uildaessii Del'sam			21	6’1	198

Sea Dragons on a Roll

The Sea Dragons are off to a brilliant start in the 4th Futsol World Cup with easy victories over Mantenwic and Velchen. But things look to be a bit more difficult in the next match as the squad faces a very tough opponent in the form of Cafundeu who is coming off a disappointing loss to Mantenwic and will be looking to make a statement.

But the Sea Dragons have made their statements as well in the form of 8-5 and 6-1 victories. Bring it on.

[Daehanjeiguk]

FWC IV - Group E
MD1: 8-4 vs Tyoduura
MD2: 15-1 vs Vescia
MD3: vs Swartaz
MD4: vs Tyoduura
MD5: vs Vescia
MD6: vs Swartaz

MBC Sports

There Really Isn't Much Else To Say...

THE MACABEES - Wow. What a day. You'd be hard pressed to find a better headline than a 15-1 win for the monks of Sungsan Monastery. I mean, it's true that the stars were going on star in protest at a decision by some not-so-renowned international astronomical union. They refused to set, and as a result, the day was a little bit longer than normal. It's also true that the cat that ravaged that last match between the Han and Tyoduura was just extradited to Tutustan (they're still around?), pending some terrorism charges by the RATS (Rats Against Totalitarian Societies). Who knew that an evil mad cat could be a terrorist? It's also true that they're still having wars over oil and all that, in the great and grand scheme of international incidents that most sane countries tend to avoid. Ever since the discovery that raw resources are ubiquitous, wars over materials seem to have lost their significance.

So we're stuck with a thrilling 15-goal masterpiece. And there's really no good way to describe how it happen. I mean, on the one hand, it was great that we won by so much. On the other hand, they scored the same goal, 15 times. The only other excitement was when the other team scored. And that goal moreorless fell in accidentally. Nonetheless, if you liked goals, it was a great match to watch.

Incidentally, the 15 goal thriller has put the Han up in the charts of goal scoring wundergnaben at the FWC. To explicate this phenomenon, we turned to our Sorthern correspondent from the Beningrad University of the Bloody Obvious. "That's the Beningrad University of the Bleeding Obvious," he said. Apparently, the goal fest is related to the transition between a purely adjective state of bloodedness to a gerund state. Perhaps metaphysically it means that the monks are progressing to a higher state of being, from a simple static adornment to an active and continually self-replenishing action? "Or, maybe you just had a big fucking typo," our Sorthern correspondent said in response to this advance.

Indeed, it appears that there is a positive correlation between the number of typos in our average MBC reports and the number of pigeons found on the 1093rd incarnation of the statue of Pedro the Donkey in Beningrad Square (or whatever the hell it's called). Do MBC typos cause the spontaneous generation of pigeons? Well, basic statistics tells us that correlation does not imply causation, but etiology teaches us causation is a matter of purpose. Moreover, Murphy's Law states that any answer is likely to be an inconveniently bad one, while the Chocolate Amendment disallows any statute of limitations for chocolate-covered morsels. But after all of this research and conniving inquisition, we are no better at explaining the 15-1 win than we were trying to describe what had happened.

In sum, maybe it defies explanation?

[Sarzonia]

The Sarzonian national futsal side were sitting down on stools in their dressing room long after the last reporters had shuffled out. They had just completed a workmanlike 4-1 victory over Eastfield Lodge, giving them a full six points in two matches.

They'd just finished their showering and were sitting around in that transition between their shower attire and their post match outfits.

Mostly, they were trying to take stock of the day's events. They were well aware that The Han Empire slaughtered Vescia 15-1. They knew Jeruselem made The Iron Coast look more like Balsa Woods Central with an 11-1 victory. Toiletdonia earned a dominating 8-1 victory over Burchadinger.

Of the group leaders and the teams with 2-0-0 records, Sarzonia's nine goals were the fewest. They just weren't blowing people out of the water the way some of these teams were. On the other hand, they were one of only two teams to concede just two goals in the first two matches. Their next opponents, Jesselton, were the other.

"It just means we're going to have to continue to do what we've had to do these first two matches," said forward Ray Tunney, who has tallied three goals to lead his team in scoring. "We've had to fight, scratch and claw for goals. We just haven't had the flowing offence Coach Tawes wants."

However, as a former goalkeeper and a current goalkeeping coach elsewhere, Tawes has to be pleased with his defence's ability to shut down opposing offences, right?

"We've done well so far," he said. "But we also know this game doesn't lend itself to a truly defensive posture. We know we're going to get scored upon and we're going to have to develop the firepower to be able to answer, and to be able to work well on counterattacks."

One reason the Stars weren't as excited as you might expect a 2-0 side to be was the team had just seen the score of the Delaclava match on the crawl.

"They lost to Puteria 5-1."

"Slani hell."

[Toiletdonia]

Toi Sport

Beating rivals

Last night Teroi did well in the Futsal world cup after beating Arch rivals Burchadinger 8-1. This puts them top of the group with only one game left and with all good luck Teroi could be going to the next round with the top number of points.

The game started in Teroi's favour. It was Dave who had the ball and he passed to Jim, Jim lobbed the ball over the keeper and Bob tapped it over the line for a goal. He ran to the touchline with the rest of the team and they did a crazy dance. It was a big moment because it was a goal against the rivals.

The next three minute brought more goal for Teroi but it also brought a more unwelcome goal. It was only 2 minutes since the last goal and some guys called Dave got the ball on the edge of the box and ran hell for leather at the goal. He ran past the keeper and tapped it in to make it 2-0. But 1 minute later Burchadinger got back a goal. It was from a cock up in the defence allowing them to tap it into the net to make it 2-1.

Then more goals came in quick succession. First Jim got a goal after running the full length of the pitch and smashing into the back of the net with a curling shot. Next it was Dave with the goal after he received a defence splitting pass and he only had to chip it over the keeper to put it into the back of the net. Then it was half-time and the score was 4-1.

The start of the second was great for Teroi. It started with kick-off, literally. It was Jim passing it to Bob and Bob shot hitting it straight into the back of the net for a goal. He ran off to the going mad and he got a bear hug from manager Steve. The second half saw Teroi dominating the game and it wasn't long before a second goal came. It was Jim who ran down the wing with the ball and he passed it forward to Dave. Dave crossed it in and Bob got on the end of it with a diving header putting it in the back of the net.

The next goal was one from an unlikely source. There was a rabbit on the pitch who just happened to be walking about. Jim kicked it and the ball bounced off the rabbit. It soared into the air and dipped down slowly, slowly and into the net! The group hugged the rabbit and gave it back it owner. The owner now has kindly donated it to the Teroian futsal squad as a mascot.

The final goal came from Dave. He got the ball in Teroi's penalty area and kicked it into the air. It Dipped down and further down and the keeper got his finger tips to it. But it still slowly fell into the net after hitting the bar and one minute later the ref blew for full time and there were huge celebrations all over the Teroi stands. Later that night there was a huge party and everyone from Teroi was in tears of happiness. This will stick in our memories for years to come.

Group D
Burchadinger 1-8 Toiletdonia
Jeruselem 11-1 Iron Coast

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Toiletdonia                2   2   0   0   15    5   10    6
   2  Jeruselem                  2   1   0   1   15    8    7    3
   3  Iron Coast                 2   1   0   1    3   11   -8    3
   4  Burchadinger               2   0   0   2    1   10   -9    0

***

"Well done boys we won't have to kill you tonight."

"Well that's nice to know."

"You must now complete your mission alone. I will come for you when you have finished to either deport you to hell or to congratulate you."

"Okay bye then."

*Puff of smoke and the priest disappears"

"So do you think we can do it?"

"I sure hope so."

"Me to."

"I think we will you know, I just have a gut feeling."

"Well we either win or go to hell so I hope your right."

"We better get started then."

***

New roster announced

After weeks of haggling a roster has finally officially been announced by the Teroian board of Futsal.

Starters in bold

GK- Dave
GK- Jim
DF- Bob
DF- Jim
DF- Bob
DF- Dave
MF- Dave
MF- Jim
MF- Bob
MF- Jim
ST- Bob
ST- Dave
ST- Jim

[The Macabees]

Futsal Golden-Whites Stumble

The Golden-Whites, always favorites and always strong at these types of futsal tournaments — indeed, two-times world champion — fell to an unknown. That’s right, the Turkish Koseli Cumhuriyetler managed to outscore the Golden-Whites, in a gruesome 5–7 match up. The Second Empire’s national futsal team was simply unable to put up a good enough defense, in sharp contrast to the defensive prowess showed during the 10–2 slaughter of Xander-Knafe. As such, the Golden-Whites find themselves second in a group in which only the Golden-Whites were supposed to come out on top. Worse still, their match day is against Pays de Horreur, the current group leaders. A loss here can cost the Second Empire the group, even if they still qualified for the second round.

Síesmar Ret, national manager, is not too concerned, however, “We played the game cocky of our abilities, and we paid the price. We tried to win it by outscoring our opponents, but we could not cope with their tactics, while remaining ‘tacticless’ ourselves. It is an important lesson, and I’m glad it was taught to us so early in the tournament. There are still four group matches to go, and those are twelve points which can take us to the knock-out stages. While I would love to finish the group first, by principle interest is in securing ten points. Ten points should be enough to qualify for the next round.”

Ten points would require the Golden-Whites to win at least two of their next four matches, and draw one of the final two. Fans are hoping that one of those victories can be against Pays de Horreur today, as not only would that secure another three points, but it would level the group off with a six-point leadership (one that can be shared by three teams, if all pans out as it should).

Young Jonas Catá, the star striker of the team, left us his own opinion, “We have a very strong team, even if we have not preformed in a previous world cup together. Nevertheless, neither did the first team, and they became world champions. Despite our defeat yesterday, I am confident in this squad’s ability to make it to the final and win it. I would love to secure my country a third futsal world championship, especially since we are known for our futsal. We will just have to play a much tighter game, especially since Pays de Horreur is a much more challenging team than Koseli Cumhuriyetler.”

As expected, Jeruselem recovered from their match day one defeat at the hands of a very impressive Toiletdonia (who are now two for two). Jeruselem not only came back, but defeated their opponents by 11–1. Daehanjeiguk, who were last tournament’s runner ups (and also runner ups for the Second International Futsal Soccer Tournament — the predecessor of the Futsal World Cup), have also established themselves as this year’s heavyweights. They soundly stomped Vescia 15–1, becoming the tournament’s top goal scorers (with twenty-three goals). Somewhereestonia has been pulling some near victories, but they too are two-for-two, and looking to take the group. Otherwise, the other new favorite is Sarzonia, who also has taken all six points so far. While their matches are perhaps not as flashy as the high-scoring slaughters by Daehanjeiguk and Jeruselem, Sarzonia’s meticulous tactics are absolutely brilliant. As of present, it is expected that Daehanjeiguk, Jeruselem and Sarzonia will be in the top four, while given their position as locals, it is also expected that the Second Empire will make it to the top four for the fourth consecutive tournament (two championships, and one third-place finish).

In the mean time, today will have the half-way point for the group stage, as team’s look to secure their passage to the next round. No groups will be decided today, most likely, but nevertheless this match is important for all teams — in a six-game group stage, all points are equally as important.

[The Macabees]

[Note: I will be in Las Vegas tomorrow and Friday, and so it's possible that scorination will not occur until Saturday morning.]

Match Day Three

Group A
Xander-Knafe 4-6 Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Pays de Horreur 3-7 Macabees, The

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Macabees, The              3   2   0   1   22   11   11    6
   2  Pays de Horreur            3   2   0   1   16   11    5    6
   3  Koseli Cumhuriyetler       3   2   0   1   15   17   -2    6
   4  Xander-Knafe               3   0   0   3    7   21  -14    0

Group B
Eastfield Lodge 4-2 Albundania
Sarzonia 6-1 Jesselton

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Sarzonia                   3   3   0   0   15    3   12    9
   2  Eastfield Lodge            3   2   0   1    7    7    0    6
   3  Jesselton                  3   1   0   2    7    8   -1    3
   4  Albundania                 3   0   0   3    3   14  -11    0

Group C
Puteria 3-8 Dorian and Sonya
Delaclava 6-3 Babbage Islands, The

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Dorian and Sonya           3   2   0   1   14    9    5    6
   2  Puteria                    3   2   0   1   14   11    3    6
   3  Delaclava                  3   2   0   1   11   11    0    6
   4  Babbage Islands, The       3   0   0   3    7   15   -8    0

Group D
Toiletdoni 5-0 Iron Coast
Burchadinger 0-6 Jeruselem

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Toiletdonia                3   3   0   0   20    5   15    9
   2  Jeruselem                  3   2   0   1   21    8   13    6
   3  Iron Coast                 3   1   0   2    3   16  -13    3
   4  Burchadinger               3   0   0   3    1   16  -15    0

Group E
Tyoduura 3-1 Vescia
Swartaz 1-14 Daehanjeiguk

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Daehanjeiguk               3   3   0   0   37    6   31    9
   2  Tyoduura                   3   2   0   1   12   12    0    6
   3  Swartaz                    3   1   0   2    8   21  -13    3
   4  Vescia                     3   0   0   3    4   22  -18    0

Group F
Haimsland 2-4 CCOPO
Krytenia 3-7 Somewhereistonia

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Somewhereistonia           3   3   0   0   18   12    6    9
   2  Krytenia                   3   1   0   2   13   14   -1    3
   3  Haimsland                  3   1   0   2   11   13   -2    3
   4  CCOPO                      3   1   0   2   11   14   -3    3

Group G
Velchen 2-2 Mantwenic
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 6-1 Cafundéu

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Andossa Se Mitrin Vega     3   3   0   0   20    7   13    9
   2  Mantwenic                  3   1   1   1   11   13   -2    4
   3  Cafundéu                   3   1   0   2   11   14   -3    3
   4  Velchen                    3   0   1   2    7   15   -8    1

Group H
Aalnordhavn 3-2 Tretskivucia
Balida 5-1 Taeshan

Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Balida                     3   2   1   0   15    9    6    7
   2  Aalnordhavn                3   2   0   1   11   11    0    6
   3  Tretskivucia               3   0   2   1    9   10   -1    2
   4  Taeshan                    3   0   1   2    7   12   -5    1

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem's Futsal World IV coach with Princess Helena Troi Dallas (aka "Claire")

Ailill: I think my plan is on track, what do think as our resident expert?
Claire: We've only played 3 games. You can't judge from 3 games.
Ailill: But the team have settled into our new tactics and playing accordingly.
Claire: I suppose ...
Ailill: I'm not saying we're gonna win but we're doing good. Solid defending and scoring goals.
Claire: Assuming the first game wasn't counted.
Ailill: Well, we play the Toiletdonia mob again next don't we?
Claire: Good thing the other two teams suck.
Ailill: I think we can win this time.
Claire: I really hope so. Getting beaten by a team named after a toilet isn't good reading in the news.
Ailill: Don't get ahead of yourself eh?
Claire: Like what coach?
Ailill: You're a defender, not a striker.
Claire: I'm not going repeat the same mistakes as the first game.
Ailill: I like you to hold back a little for the next one, be less aggressive.
Claire: I have only one speed, none or full speed.
Ailill: Well, hold back the throttle.
Claire: Wa? Cruising speed?
Ailill: I know it's hard to slow down for you.
Claire: OK
Ailill: And another thing?
Claire: Yes?
Ailill: Is it normal for the team to change in public?
Claire: Yes, it is a problem?
Ailill: No, I was just wondering.
Claire: Adds to the entertainment value of the game.
Ailill: Yeah, but some of the girls don't wear underwear.
Claire: I don't see a problem.
Ailill: Some people might be offended.
Claire: They should be watching the game, not the girls on our bench.
Ailill: I'm not complaining myself. Wish these things happened at home.
Claire: Well, I'm glad you like living in Jeruselem.
Ailill: The wife gets worried about all the good looking women I hang around with.
Claire: Well, a Dallas a day keeps the blues away.