CAFA Cup V (5): The Squeakquel -- RP/Results Thread

[Pyazhnaya]

Other than Chromatika (courtesy of Pyazhmetal-owned FK Shakhter Z'ai'ai), Tikariot is the nation with the most Pyazhnayan players, so today we will have a look at the burgundy-and-teal in the land of the Snowy Owls.

So far that have been 18 Pyazhnayan players in the history of the Tikariot Premier League, with varying successes. The two pioneers had been Larisa Nekrestyanova and Timur Krasnopyorov, who entered the league for the Vilharady Owls and Dhun Lagarr FC respectively. While Krasnopyorov never managed to get past a reserve role and left the league again after two disappointing seasons to sign with Flavovespian Marthorpe City FC, Nekrestyanova became not necessarily a Vilharady legend, but definitely an important player throughout her four seasons with the Dhaencunori outfit, which came to an end with the relegation of the Owls after season 105. With 129 games, 25 goals, and 20 assists she actually is the Pyazhnayan record-holder in all three categories.

Since these two players made their debuts in the TPL, clubs across the country have signed 16 other players, with some currently in the Pyazhnayan squad at the fifth CAFA tournament, them being Yekaterina Pshenichnikova, Aleksandra Novoseltseva, Danila Terentyev, Danila Mukhametshin, Ulyona Khomkolova, Iraida Yozhina, Timofey Aristarkhov, and Inna Parshikova. Many of the Pyazhnayans making their way into the TPL are young, often graduating from the by now renowned Pyazhnyy Futbolni Akademiya in the capital Krasnograd, with two young players joining the Premier League again for next season with goalkeeper Elisey Moroshkin and right back Sergey Kharlamov.

But let's have a look at the current players. Several of the Pyazhnayan players are not just starters in their respective clubs, but also play for some of the best teams in the nation, such as the Port Rhovanyon AFC, Parakleion Firebirds or Oriannor Mountaineers. The three arguably biggest talents plying their trade in the Tikariot Premier League at the moment are coincidentally three ladies, proving that the oft-called myth of the "weaker sex" is just that - a myth.

Yekaterina Pshenichnikova holds down the defensive fort of Oriannor together with Tikariotian centre back Eric Ongaro. Starting her career in Tikariot with the Emerald Coast Raiders from Carathyr, she joined the Mountaineers as a back-up before taking over the starter role in the last season. During this time she also has proven to be an offensive threat as well, with ten goals and assists each in her 80 games in the league to date.

Aleksandra Novoseltseva from the Parakleion Firebirds also has risen through the ranks of the Paladonian side, taking over in central midfield for aging Polkopian Yuri Smyefinov, having shown a remarkable scoring touch in the past season.

Third in the club is Danya Zabolotnaya, who plays for the Avanaroch White Wings. Originally coming to Tikariot to play for Meriador FC, she transferred to the Paladonian capital the season after and had been the understudy to Stephen Mhor for three seasons and is now slated to take over his position as right back in the upcoming season.

[Tjorl]

Viktor Mandel and his Orcas have itched to compete in the CAFA Cup ever since a shock decision from Prime Minister Gunnarsson's administration moved Tjorl from its long-time residence in Oatland to a new alliance in Anaia. While they never actually had the quality and experience needed to lift the trophy when they were still eligible to compete in the IAC, they have reached a level in which they would regularly compete in the knockout stages. However, Mandel was warned that things wouldn't immediately turn out that way in their Anaian interregional debut, and that the Orcas would have to restart at square one. With Torleif Persson and Jan Thomassen gone, young talents have quickly filled the gap in the Tjorlish midfield, namely Mathias Schärer, Tobi Krzanowski, and Ann-Sofie Hansdottir.

~A few months later~
in the eyes of Elisabet Kruse, Mauschlag midfielder

Lis opened her eyes and she saw, out the airplane window, a densely-packed metropolis of skyscrapers, highways, and suburbs flanked by a number of lakes and a vast wetland which had a beautiful color of deep green mixed with just a little bit of blue. It was Dannin, the capital of Mertagne. A few minutes later, she heard the screech of the plane's wheels as it touched down on the airport tarmac. Inside the terminal, she was greeted by a small group of fans, mostly Tjorlish diaspora who lived in Mertagne. She clearly liked what she first experienced of the country, but she wouldn't have a lot of time to savor it before the Orcas' headed into training camp once again.

~A week after~

Damn. Two painful defeats in a row. First was against Lexandrija. The first goal of the match between the Orcas and the Illuminated came when Nasir Majerle's and Jon-Jafar Latham's strong and scrappy play eventually saw the ball bundled into Ralf Lewisohn's net. Despite an equalizer thanks to a lashing shot from Hans Beringer that Hansa Tabasi failed to save, Freya Martinjan's stylish finish was what secured the three points in Lexandrija's favor. Next was Kotzellach. While both sides faced plenty of chances that they undoubtably had the skill to convert, they simply couldn't as they kept trading punches throughout the rainy afternoon in Dannin. Eventually, Sigismund Weller broke Tjorlish hearts as his chip went just over the reach of Lewisohn in the third minute of added time.

Two games played, two defeats, and a goal difference of negative two. The Orcas' lack of preparedness and experience certainly set them back, but some feel that they could've done something to avoid where they are now. However, they're not technically eliminated just yet, and now they'll have to hope that not only will they defeat a pretty capable Pyazhnaya side by a large-enough margin, but also a Lexandrijan victory over Kotzellach. If they are to accomplish anything in the final matchday, it'll be with the help of star striker Nikolaj Eriksen. The current holder of the Zentraliga's Skjöldur-Spitzenschützen has not yet impressed at the tournament, to say the least. Hopefully, he'll be there when the Orcas most need him.

[Ochre Islands]

The Prime Minister, Heather Fairweather, had called an urgent meeting following Mertagne's response to the threats from the Ochre Islands Football Association.

'Explain it to me again' she asked, not the first time today, though considering how incredulous she was at such a development it's really no surprise she had to ask once again. 'On the boundary of an international meeting about CAFA, one of the FA's reps asked a question to a Mertagnian delegate. The Mertagnian responded, but to say that OIFA needed to ask this through the proper channels for transparency and so on. This was fine.'

A second staffer now picked the story up. 'What then happened was a delegate from Ko-oren asked a question in the same manner but instead of being told to ask in the proper place, they got an instant response.'

'And OIFA took that as a large enough snub to send them Lime Cordial?' 'Yes, well the title page at least ' 'Great... Anyone have any ideas?' 'Well, PM, there is a sizeable Mertagnian community on the Sunset Sea. Visit a restaurant, eat the people, see the food, try and patch things up.' Heather nodded in agreement. Not a bad plan.

So it was that later that evening, just after sunset as the pinky-orange glow across the ocean was dimming that Prime Minister found herself in the 'Victory's Lifeboat' restaurant, which was owned and operated by Mertagnian ex-pats and sat on the third best beach on the beautiful Sunset Sea. An entire gaggle of the Ochre press, as well as Mertagnian cameras and news crews were also there, along with some foreign observers along for the ride.

'We're very pleased with CAFA' the PM said, speaking to the press. 'The hosts have been very gracious and the players tell me conditions have been perfect, so no complaints whatsoever.' The PM made more small talk when a waiter came over with her plate. '"The Fresko River Special", Prime Minister. Salmon baked with a pesto sauce - all Mertagnian ingredients, even the fish, which was farmed offshore, adjacent to this beach.'

While the fish clearly had, the PM didn't rise to the bait and began to tackle her incredibly saucy fish dinner.

She finished that as best she could when being watched by the press, then put her knife and fork down on the plate. Annoyingly, they slid into the sauce and she dirtied her fingers trying to pull them back up onto the side slightly. 'Excuse me, I'll just go wash my hands' she said and retreated to the bathroom.

'This is going well' she thought, rinsing off her hands. The lights went out. 'Oh!' It was pitch dark. She turned around and hit her face off a shelf, mouth first. 'Ouch! Think I've cut my lip' she thought. She grabbed a towel to try and stem the bleeding and dried her hands off as well. Walking out, she was met with cameras, bloodied Mertagnian flag pressed to her mouth and covered in soap suds.

[Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley]

Estorvipa and Estorpiva 1–1 Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley
Goals: Zaluzhenko 79’; Lawrence 35’

Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley 2–3 Osarius
Goals: Ochoa (o.g.) 38’, Frinton-Smith 45’; Fox 29’, Theus 71’, Gomez 90+6’

Inventory of the foot lockers of various players:

Edmund Swanson

Gloves (2 pairs)
3 books about political economy
4 books of poetry
2 books of English social history
Sketching paper
Pencils
Small knife for sharpening pencils

Stephen Hobbs

Literally nothing as this isn't a character I've developed in any way

Frank Lambert

3 tins of Friar Benedict pies (unopened)
1 tin of Friar Benedict pie (opened)
1 tin opener

Algie St. Clair

2 bottles of sherry
4 bottles of red wine
3 bottles of brandy
1 bottle of whiskey
1 corkscrew pouch (empty)
Draft of a W.C. Fields joke

Harry Zoomtwat

Unfranked draft letter to the Ochre Islands offering services as a soldier of fortune
Unfranked draft letter to Mertagne and Cardenao offering services as a soldier of fortune
Langenscheidt Pocket Greek Dictionary
Letter of undying love from Lady Calliope Bentley-Buckingham-Baxter
Letter of undying love from Countess Emily Merriweather-Post-Pavilion
Letter of undying love from Countess Emily Merriweather-Post-Pavilion's sisters (x2)
Letter? covered in drunken unreadable scrawls from Marquess Sophia
King Ottakar's Sceptre (slightly chipped)
Assorted grave goods taken from the Tomb of Tuttifruitti
Pandora diamond (slightly chipped)
Mauser Carbine
Ammunition
1 emergency bottle of McGlenaghan 84 Triple Malt
1 protective cup (size: medium, according to the Elephant Keeper at Londontown Zoological Preservarium)

Mansfield Frinton-Smith

Matchday programme from the game against Osarius in which he scored his first national team goal
Principles of Agronomy (mint condition)
Catullus Collected Edition Vol. 2 (well thumbed)
Moderately tasteful nude photograph of young man (very well thumbed)

Friedrich von Schurburg

Wig
Monocle
False passport
Mein Hovercraft ist voll von Aalen English-German phrasebook
Cyanide capsule
Miniature pistol
Shoe with blade that shoots out of the toe
Watch with exploding poison dart gun
Assorted papers from the Treasury, War Office, Admiralty, and Chancellory of the Duchy of Bovrilchester, all marked 'Top Secret' or 'Classified'
Mad Milkmaids IV pornographic film reel

Jack Dence

Military Medal
Featherstone Cholmondeley Empire Medal
Pocket watch (engraved, dented with bullet)
Photograph of him in uniform with a young lady
Dear John letter from said young lady
Draft letter to King indicating desire to return medals
Draft will and testament
1 bottle of gin (nearly empty)
Revolver
1 bullet

Jimmy Lawrence

Communist Party of Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley membership card
Evening Star newspaper
Russian phrasebook
The Working Man's Marx: An Introductory Primer
Picture of him and his comrades on the docks

Bill Caldwell

Mining helmet
Pick
Headlamp
Clothes sooty with coal dust
Letter home expressing dissastisfaction with "foreign muck" they are forced to eat in Mertagne
Gollywog tin containing tea bags, powdered milk, and sugar packets

David Stanton

Book of Common Prayer
Workingman's Guide to Prayer and Prosperity
Methodism: Today's New Divinity
The Silent Sin: Defeating The Urge To Self-Pleasure Through Clean Living And Good Faith
Crucifix
Bible
1 book full of pictures of women with enormous knoc-

497.5 words

[Cardenao]

The TV kept flickering in the corner.

“Damn thing’s been acting up for…well years now,” Miguel said as he slapped the box, trying to get the signal to correct. Of course, they were lucky enough to even be getting a television signal, something that couldn’t be said for the majority of Cardenaoans. Technology was not the nation’s strong point, nothing that was modern tech could be considered to be in Cardenao’s hand of cards.

“Fuck’s sake just please work…I didn’t get to see the game against Isles of the Dead but I heard Juanma scored a real banger of a goal,” as more slaps were administered to the television.

The fellas at the bar collectively muttered as the signal flickered off again.

“No football mate?” asked a particularly desperate miner who had just gotten off work, eager for some aguardiente and footie to take his mind off things. He’d been busier than ever down in the mines, all workers were these days. Didn’t matter if you were a woodcutter, a military man, a miner, a factory worker, everyone was being worked harder than ever as Mihaly’s modernization plan and the state of emergency meant the nation was ramping up to an almost wartime level or production.

Well…no football? Might as well discuss the finer nuances of the geopolitical situation!

“Right well the ways I see it, this is all one big dramatic overreaction. The whole Mertagne and Ochre sabre rattling, all this other stuff, it’s just crazy. To me it seems like this was just an accident, you know just how loose those Ochren’s are, probably was some just some drunk flyboy showing off to a friend and next thing you know, we got national four year plan and ain’t having no elections!”

“Jaime…just some drunk flyboy? Don’t you remember poor Annabelle Bloom with that great gash across her noggin? By the Gods this was intentional!”

“You know I’m inclined to agree with Miguel here, this seems a wanton act of terror! I’ve been doing some research and looking into it and I know this was a deliberate attempt to undercut the Cardenao chestnut industry!”

“Errr…right On Gi, I’m sure that’s technically a possibility but I’m not sure how close to the truth that is. Either way, whatever the reason, what’s up next for us?”


“Well probably another round of drinks, maybe some Tsungi, then I’m gonna head home, Missus is probably wondering what I’m up to.”

“No, you fool, I obviously meant next for Cardenao, the country you know?”

“Hmm well that is an interesting question, we have to consider the nuances of Mihaly’s four year plan, what that means in the context of Ochren-Cardenaoan relations…”

The TV flickered back to life, just in time to see Haritz Larrainzar assist Juanma Saez for the game winner. All those in attendance let out a great cheer, all talk of politics and chestnuts and Ochre and Bostopia and all that sorta talk died out in a second as football took over.

[Aleirave]

And so, they made it out alive.

Despite the faltering start against StrayaRoos, the renewed fire underneath this Seagulls team brought them the win against Cobrio by a score of 2 to 1. Haulafo Paka'ula breathed a sigh of relief after the match, knowing that all was not yet lost, but the picture was still quite a complicated one, as Koronavia's win over StrayaRoos left Group F as the messiest group in the bunch.

Whereas every other group had a team already sitting at 2 wins (except H, which was still a fair bit clearer than whatever the hell F was), Group F had four teams sitting all tied at one win, one loss. Cobrio with a +1 GD, Koronavia at -1, StrayaRoos and Aleirave tied at 0. The qualification picture was a universe of strangeness.

Cobrio was in the best position to advance out of the bunch. Because of their GD advantage, they only had to avoid defeat against StrayaRoos to seal their spot in the Round of 16. Sounds easy enough. Koronavia, with the worst GD, was in the mirror position: they had to beat the Seagulls, no drawing allowed.

The tie between StrayaRoos and Aleirave was another mess. Either team would be guaranteed to advance with a win and guaranteed elimination with a loss, that much was for sure. But once draws were introduced into the mix, things would get wacky.

If StrayaRoos drew against Cobrio, then they'd be guaranteed to finish behind them. Their hope to advance would hinge on both Aleirave and Koronavia staying below them, which would require them to draw as well. Two draws would leave the Emus ahead of the Seagulls on head to head.

If Aleirave drew, they'd be guaranteed to finish ahead of Koronavia, and would need one other team to stay behind them to move on. What that would mean is that they'd be hoping and praying for someone to win in the Cobrio-StrayaRoos match. Who won wouldn't matter. Just someone.

Obviously the clearest way ahead would be to just beat this pot 4 team standing in their way. Of course, that would be the ideal situation for Haulafo and company. But if push came to shove and the score finished tied, their position would be oh-so-bizarre, with fans on the isle cheering for someone, anyone to win that Cobrio match. No favorite team, just an island-wide hatred of the concept of drawing a football match.

First thing's first though: Haulafo had to train his team to make sure they didn't lose, and boy, was the training intense this time around. With his back against the wall and his arse on the line, he tried his hardest to make sure that this upcoming match would not be the Seagulls' last. He had to make this happen. All or nothing.

As the clock ticked down before the critical kickoff, Haulafo sat on the bench, nervously twiddling his thumbs. It would be alright. Aleirave would win. The Seagulls would prevail... right?

[Bostopia]

Bostopia managing to draw 3 - 3 with an established player on the CAFA scene was a remarkable success. Whilst there obviously were not any wild celebrations in Newfort, or [redacted], or even [redacted], the citizens of the nation were of course proud of the efforts shown. Bostopia, having been in Anaia forever, knew all they needed to know about Grande Cucina, having watched them play for many years, and were able to keep the scoreline equal.

In a park in central Newfort, two of the nations most reknowned spies were meeting. Or at least they would be reknowned were they not spies and therefore a bit secrative about it all. Esther Randall walked into the park, looking like the sort of girl you'd bring home to your mum only to discover she was the sort of girl who was rather like your mum actually. This has its perks, being looked after and cared for, but also accounted for one or two worrying trips to the therapists. Awaiting Esther was Candice Nicholles, who was sat on a park bench, holding the lead of a large alsatian dog (who was sat at her feet) in her hand. As Esther approached, she fed the dog a biscuit and told him he was a 'good boy' as she scratched his head a little.

'Esther! My friend!' It's good to see you again' Candice greeted her friend warmly, offering the seat next to her. 'It is that, Candice' Esther said a little coolly, sitting down and putting her phone into a coat pocket. It wasn't the warmest of Newfort days but the people here were both hardy and sensible when it came to cooler weather. 'So, what's news?' Candice asked.

Esther looked around. Nothing unusual. A fountain incessantly babbling away, one or two older pensioners wandering through looking for the roast chestnut salesman, and the occasional businessman in a flash suit strolling through at pace.

'Everything's going as planned. The Ochres are almost racing themselves into pariah state status.'

'It's as we feared' Candice replied, brushing her bleached bangs out of the middle of her face and having them mingle into the gingerness of the rest of her hair near her ear. 'The Ochre Islands carry too much Bostopia-2004 and must be isolated. I don't think the rest of Anaia's mature enough to understand Bostopia managing to "be" on difference planes of existence so we must use the languages they do speak, diplomacy and force.'

'The Mertagnians understand it.' Esther responded. 'They still hold the Ochres responsible for the time Bostopia invaded them. One or two carefully timed spats by both parties have created quite the storm that Mertagne doesn't want to back down from and-' Esther checked her phone 'And it seems the Ochre Islanders are unable to stop spiralling out of control.' Esther smiled. 'Shall I tell the Duke of this development?' 'No need' said Candice. The dog jumped up and his head fell off.

'For it is I!' He cried. 'The Duke!'

[Osarius]

A blood-red sky, a lush green field. Darkness. A distant, golden glow. "Daughter of the valley," a kindly female voice spoke. It was the kind of voice a grandmother had. But nobody was to be seen. "Though our blood flows through your veins, still you serve those who oppressed us."

Thunder pealed. Kody Theus awoke with a start.

Her head throbbed lightly, and her vision swirled slightly. Blurry at the edges. As if she were slightly drunk, viewing the world through smudged spectacles. What she knew for certain though, was that she was in a hospital. "Oh, great," she said. To nobody in particular. Slowly, her vision returned to normal, though her head still pained her. She took another look around the room, and recognised her roommate to her right. 'Oh, Kenza is okay. Good.' She thought.

Wait.

"Kenza?" Kody sat up slightly too fast and winced. "Kenza?!" She asked again. No response.

Dragging herself out of the hospital bed, Kody winced again as she stood up. This time the pain shooting through her left side. "What the hell happened to me?" She said. Again, to nobody in particular. "Or, damn..." She paused as she reached Kenza's bed. "To ... us?"

Kenza's right arm and leg were both in casts. It looked like she also had some mild burns on the right side of her face. Kody covered her mouth and choked out a sob. 'What the hell happened?'

"Ah, you're awake Ms Theus," a voice behind her spoke. Male, professional. The doctor, then. She whirled to face him. 'Yep. Doctor.'

"What happened?!" Kody asked.

"You and your uh, friend, here... You were in an accident. Do you... not have any memory of the incident?"

Kody scrunched her eyes tight. This didn't make any sense. She remembered getting up to go and find Kenza, but... she didn't leave the hotel. Did she?

"N-no... I don't. Accident? What kind of accid-"

"A car crash. You have absolutely no recollection of the-"

"NO!" Kody pressed the heels of her hands into her face. "Where's my phone? I need to call m-"

"Cabinet by the bed, Ms Theus."

Kody staggered back over to the cabinet and retrieved her phone. She was vaguely aware of some shuffling behind her. More people entering the room. Immediately she opened her messages, and began tapping out a reply to the latest one, from her brother, consoling her for the Firebirds' loss. A hand grasped her shoulder, gently, and she shrugged it off. "Ms Theus, if you'd like to jus-"

"I wouldn't." Kody snarled, facing the two nurses who had entered the room. The doctor from earlier had drawn a curtain around Kenza's bed.

"You might be in shock, Ms Theus," the hand grasped again, a little more firmly. So did a second. They gently steered her toward her bed. "We strongly recommend you sit down."

Something didn't add up here. How was she in a car crash when she didn't leave the hotel? And what happened to Kenza?

[Huayramarca]

After two weeks of high-intensity training, to the level that, perhaps no-one in the squad had ever been trained, it was time for a focus switch from the usual power training they were being subjected. Three friendlies were given by the Federación Huayramarquina de Fútbol so the players could test what they have learned during the camp in the Québécois Arctic Circle, one match against the locals, another against Græntfjall, a known foe from the recent World Cup 92 and Cardenao, one of the most promising sides for the next World Cup Cycle, with some players excelling in exciting leagues and nations such as Tikariot.

Omar Caicedo’s training emphasised power and also another interesting part of the game, field vision. Hazel van Robben had detected that many of the current players had a weak point, that being keeping their eyes on the ball and trying to go via brute force instead of having a clear view of their surroundings. That situation hindered the talent of many of the players, except for a couple being Gabriel Sayritupac and Bryan Tello, casually the two most prolific players of the squad. Zelaya wished to emphasise on players to improve their chances through individuality and skill, which was also needed to complement any potential idea that could come from honing their spatial analysis while on the move.

With specific sets of training that focused on forcing the players to think more critically, to have vision of their surroundings, it was time to see how they could test themselves. A first match against Québec showed how the players struggled at parts to adapt with the new style of play, being imprecise or even abusing of individualities while attacking. Rodolfo Zelaya had also to shake up the reigns to tell the players that freedom to use individuality comes with a responsibility, learning to use it wisely. Omar Caicedo was satisfied with the 2-2 score, as it was “something good” for being “the first time we use a way different approach for how we play”.

Second match, against Græntfjall, imprecisions were a thing of the past, the team was getting cohesion more and more and it was noted on how they decided to attack their rival, in a more efficient way than what they did during the World Cup proper, two goals from Gabriel Sayritupac put the Condors in the lead, but they didn’t took care of the momentum they’ve been building, as the rivals tied the match, the Condors weren’t able to break the parity as they didn’t performed as good as the first match.

With a bulk of data now available, the Condors faced Cardenao in a match where grit and efficiency were notable, the team rushed through the field and used their newly crafted skills to get the victory, a suffered one as it was a 4-3 but as Rodolfo Zelaya said “If you want to get among the best in the Multiverse, you’ve got to learn suffering.” A great build-up that is promising.

[Audioslavia]

You May Be Of The Opinion That Audioslavia Are In Decline, But This Article Says Otherwise

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otherwise


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[Mertagne]

MATCHDAY THREE RESULTS

Group A
The Karodin Tetrarchy 3–1 Parumaquae @ Dannin City Stadium, Dannin, kick-off 18:00. Michelle Romanage, CAFA president, made a pre-match speech that absolutely bombed, overshadowing the match.
Cocoabo Forest 4-6 Mertagne @ Spectrum Stadium, Dannin, kick-off 18:00 (Scorinated by Quebec and Shingoryeo)

.                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Mertagne                 3    3   0   0    11    5   +6     9 - Advance A1
2 The Karodin Tetrarchy    3    1   1   1     4    3   +1     4 - Advance A2
3 Cocoabo Forest           3    1   1   1     6    7   −1     4 - Eliminated
4 Parumaquae               3    0   0   3     2    8   −6     0 - Eliminated

The Karodin Tetrarchy advance on goal difference.

Group B
Pyazhnaya 2–2 Tjorl @ Dannin City Stadium, Dannin, kick-off 18:00
Kotzellach 1–1 Lexandrija @ Spectrum Stadium, Dannin, kick-off 18:00

.                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Lexandrija              3    2   1   0     6    2   +4     7 - Advance B1
2 Pyazhnaya               3    1   1   1     6    6    0     4 - Advance B2
3 Kotzellach              3    1   1   1     3    5   −2     4 - Eliminated
4 Tjorl                   3    0   1   2     3    5   −2     1 - Eliminated

Pyazhnaya advance on goal difference.

Group C
Chromatika 1–2 New Gesem @ Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo, kick-off 18:00
Cheboa 0–1 Audioslavia @ Origas Arena, Kurtz, kick-off 18:00. Rapper 'White Motif' arrived at the game and crashed the post-match interviews rambling about the "genius of Egon Must".

.                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Chromatika              3    2   0   1     4    2   +2     6 - Advance C1
2 New Gesem               3    2   0   1     5    4   +1     6 - Advance C2
3 Audioslavia             3    2   0   1     3    3    0     6 - Eliminated
4 Cheboa                  3    0   0   3     1    4   −3     0 - Eliminated

New Gesem advance on goal difference in a blow to post-football.

Group D
Ochre Islands 3–1 Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley @ Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo, kick-off 18:00. One broadcast commentator would not stop calling the Ochre Islands "Bostopia", no matter how many times she was corrected.
Osarius 2–1 Estorvipa and Estorpiva @ Origas Arena, Kurtz, kick-off 18:00

.                                  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Ochre Islands                     3    3   0   0     8    4   +4     9 - Advance D1
2 Osarius                           3    2   0   1     6    5   +1     6 - Advance D2
3 Estorvipa and Estorpiva           3    0   1   2     4    6   −2     1 - Eliminated
4 Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley    3    0   1   2     4    7   −3     1 - Eliminated

Group E
Yesopalitha 1–0 Bostopia @ Keers Dock Pitch, Keers, kick-off 18:00. One broadcast commentator would not stop calling Bostopia "The Ochre Mainland", no matter how many times he was corrected.
Grande Cucina 0–3 Huayramarca @ Flynn Ar3na, New Fligsive, kick-off 18:00

.                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Huayramarca             3    3   0   0     5    0   +5     9 - Advance E1
2 Yesopalitha             3    1   1   1     1    1    0     4 - Advance E2
3 Grande Cucina           3    0   2   1     3    6   −3     2 - Eliminated
4 Bostopia                3    0   1   2     3    5   −2     1 - Eliminated

Group F
Aleirave 3–1 Koronavia @ Keers Dock Pitch, Keers, kick-off 18:00. Koronavian fans saw increased security due to news surrounding Andreas Görlitz.
StrayaRoos 2–2 Cobrio @ Flynn Ar3na, New Fligsive, kick-off 18:00

.                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Aleirave                3    2   0   1     5    3   +2     6 - Advance F1
2 Cobrio                  3    1   1   1     8    7   +1     4 - Advance F2
3 StrayaRoos              3    1   1   1     4    4    0     4 - Eliminated
4 Koronavia               3    1   0   2     6    9   −3     3 - Eliminated

Group G
Krytenia 2–1 Isles of the Dead @ The Ring Tank Stadium, Ostosaide, kick-off 18:00. All of the potable water in the stadium had been salted by accident, making it undrinkable.
Cardenao 0–1 Ko-oren @ Spire Campus, Blackave, kick-off 18:00. Students protested against the chestnutting of Cardenao by the Ochre Islands.

.                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Ko-oren                 3    2   1   0     9    1   +8     7 - Advance G1
2 Cardenao                3    2   0   1     5    3   +2     6 - Advance G2
3 Krytenia                3    1   1   1     5    6   −1     4 - Eliminated
4 Isles of the Dead       3    0   0   3     1   10   −9     0 - Eliminated

Group H
Evermark 0–0 Atheara @ The Ring Tank Stadium, Ostosaide, kick-off 18:00. Second half delayed by half an hour as smoke from smoke guns heavily obfuscated the stadium.
Euran Oceania Territories 2–3 Flavovespia @ Spire Campus, Blackave, kick-off 18:00

.                             Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Flavovespia                  3    2   1   0     6    3   +3     7 - Advance H1
2 Euran Oceania Territories    3    1   1   1     3    3    0     4 - Advance H2
3 Evermark                     3    0   3   0     1    1    0     3 - Eliminated
4 Atheara                      3    0   1   2     0    3   −3     1 - Eliminated

RP Bonus statistics do not include brevity bonus.
20 roleplays were graded before this cutoff.
Of these roleplays, the mean RP bonus was 74.50%.
The median RP bonus was 70.00%.
The standard deviation was 12.34%.
4 roleplays received above 90% RP bonus.
17 roleplays received brevity bonus, of which 1 received the reduced bonus.

---

ROUND OF SIXTEEN MATCHUPS
Ro16 matchups were performed in a bisected A1 vs B2 format. D1 plays A2, E1 plays F2, and H1 plays E2.

Mertagne vs. Pyazhnaya
@ Dannin City Stadium, Dannin

Lexandrija vs. New Gesem
@ Spectrum Stadium, Dannin

Chromatika vs. Osarius
@ Origas Arena, Kurtz

Ochre Islands vs. The Karodin Tetrarchy
@ Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo

Huayramarca vs. Cobrio
@ Flynn Ar3na, New Fligsive

Aleirave vs. Cardenao
@ The Ring Tank Stadium, Ostosaide

Ko-oren vs. Euran Oceania Territories
@ Keers Dock Pitch, Keers

Flavovespia vs. Yesopalitha
@ Spire Campus, Blackave

Your RP prompt for the Round of 16 concerns REPUTATION. How is your nation and its people known to others around the multiverse? Does its reputation precede it when it comes to sporting tournaments? Are there people in your nation that may surprise others that base them on stereotypes?

[Ko-oren]

"Obadiah, as the captain of this young CAFA squad, how do you think EOT will prepare for the next game?"

"They ought to know what's coming. Not sure how to stop it, like I honestly wouldn't exactly know how to stop us. We've got a reputation, I suppose. Dig a trench like we do and we'll get a set piece 1-0. Attack freely and get countered. Use the modern school of counterpressing and possession, slow cautious buildups, and walk into our wall each and every time. Play dirty and we'll do the same. Use speed and find out that for speed to be useful, you need space to run to. Use strategy and you're only helping us run down the clock. You could outmuscle us but we'll see if you can do that for 90 minutes."

"Or just get far enough to play you in the CAFA final?"

"Or that. Bad news for EOT, that."

"What would you like this team to be reminded for?"

"I can give you the officially vetted speech by the KFA, if you want."

"By all means."

"The strong defensive tradition that sets us apart, constructed with a diversity of languages and styles at the domestic level."

"And as a Schemerdrecht SVV player, how's that domestic level going for you?"

"First of all, how dare you."

---

The Dragonflies lock up Group G in typical fashion, a 1-0 over Cardenao. That's following a 1-1 to Krytenia, a team we should beat but never quite can - see cricket - but it all felt like a safe and sure thing after that 6-0 over the Isles of the Dead. After everything's said and done, Cardenao join us in the next round despite their loss, but then again they had beaten the other two group mates before. Had we lost this, by a huge margin, we could have fallen to third place so there was very little to play for in round three.

The same can't be said in some other groups: Evermark and Atheara draw 0-0 where any win put them in the next round as our Round of Sixteen opponents instead of EOT. Cobrio survive with a 2-2 to StrayaRoos and Aleirave help them out by beating Koronavia. Yesopalitha sneak into the final sixteen with a win paired with Bostopia and Grande Cucina losses. Osarius stay cool and collected in their 2-1 win to send Estorvipa and Estorpiva home. Lastly, Audioslavia do win but it's not enough in a group where three teams win twice. Cheboa exit with no points but in the chaotic mess of tiebreakers Chromatika and New Gesem advance. All draws in Group B help Pyazhnaya and hinder Kotzellach. And in Group A, hosts Mertagne easily advance while Cocoabo Forest, scoring four goals, still lose and finish third. That 6-4 game had as many goals as Group H saw across all six games, by the way.

Many thought that Audioslavia would qualify for the Round of 16 but this Bullsfeed article says otherwise. Happy 20th.

[New Gesem]

New Gesem’s introduction to the wider world started during its economic miracle a few decades back, when the first Gesemite corporations started to go public. Investors from across Anaia, seeing high returns and low regulation, bought in, some investing significant sums in a market that seemed unable to lose. When the economic growth proved to be hollow, the result of the equivalent of a nationwide pyramid scheme, the word “fraud” was thrown around with some reckless abandon by those who’d lost everything in the collapse.

The anger toward New Gesem in the aftermath was palpable, though most analysts reasoned that investors had known, or should have known, what they were getting into. The word “fraud” was thrown around freely, and suddenly everything Gesemite was suspect–their economy, their government, their way of life. Were they really a democracy if only a small, privileged elite was allowed to vote? Were the fraternities really being the best stewards of the Gesemite people? Pressure mounted, and only surprisingly deft diplomacy combined with the specter of a 100,000-strong, fully mechanized army kept the talk of intervention to whispers.

No one was hurt more by the Gesemite economic collapse than New Gesem, and without help from the outside, the nation’s recovery was slow and uneven. The downturn haunted Gesemites doing business abroad, and the taint of “fraud” was used to justify premiums on everything from insurance to logistics. The country’s rulers hit back, enacting protectionist policies that bordered on draconian but kept Gesemite investment domestic, allowing the nation to rebuild independent of any outside assistance. Attempts to reignite foreign investment were stymied by red tape and mutual distrust, further isolating New Gesem.

This stigma has carried over into the realm of sports, stunting New Gesem’s entry into regional and multiversal competition. Only the Reverend Lee Gibbs, a well-respected minister and former football player acting with a single-minded intensity, was able to crack the unofficial embargo long enough to enter his New Gesem Pilgrims in successive World Bowls. Soon two universities followed suit into NSCF, but they did so alone, without the support of the Gesemite government or wider society.

As a result of this reputation for fraud, Gesemite sports executives have had to be methodical in their approach to entering the international arena, starting with the smallest of competitions and working up to, currently, the regionals. Mistrust of the outside world runs deep, and the most hardcore isolationist Gesemites believe that fielding an international soccer team is the first step to adopting the so-called Anaian Order. Their vocal protests at games and on social media have also colored New Gesem’s participation in these events, giving the impression of a fractured base.

Nevertheless, New Gesem has come together well enough to field a team that has advanced at the expense of Anaian titans Audioslavia, leading many to wonder whether the nation’s day in the sun has arrived at last. If the Brotherhood manage a playoff win, it will go a long way to redeeming the Gesemites.

[Chromatika]

Despite losing to New Gesem in a game where Siane Sundrifter and the defense folded late, the Anomalies find themselves making it to the second round of the CAFA, a tournament that they have traditionally underperformed at. A routine win over Cheboa was the opening match, with Lavrentiy Xuen-Zhukov scoring in the sixty-fourth off of a Baillaire Fillar cross; Xuen-Zhukov continued his stellar form from the World Cup, while the back three, led by Ami Coulibaly and Cylie Nodis, held down the fort.

Then, it was the highly anticipated match against the Bulls of Audioslavia; in a cagey match where both defenses really held their ground, Chromatika excelled on the counter. The first goal, a Candice Delaya tap-in, happened when Edith Fillar took the ball down the left flank for over half the pitch; her pass found Baillaire, who utilized the fact that Lavrentiy draws all the attention to find Delaya, lurking just beyond the box. A stellar play from the Chromatik winger.

As Audioslavia started to press to try go get the equalizer, it was the newcomer to the squad - Evin Françine-Miklavivec, another Chromatik/Mytanar dual-national with lots of upside - that kickstarted the next goal. Françine-Miklavivec took the ball away from an Audioslav midfielder, and with one deft touch, pushed the ball up the field down the right flank, where Emilie Kruetzberg did the rest. The winger with the fiery red hair dribbled around one defender and fired from midrange, beating the keeper to the top left corner of the net.

That meant that the loss to New Gesem came even more from left field. Lavrentiy Xuen-Zhukov had scored in the eighteenth minute, his left foot converting a neat chance set up by Baillaire (a theme is being born here); however, New Gesem recovered, and the Gesemites controlled the pace of the game for the rest of the match, getting the game winner off of a corner in the second half.

Chromatika continues to be a team run by the Fillars - even this version still contains two, and both of them play major roles. With the emergence of the Mytanar/Chromatik contingent, though, that may be the next big story to affect the Anomalies for multiple World Cups. With Françine-Miklavivec, Xuen-Zhukov, and Mesic-Mizayaki in this lineup, and a few others still waiting on the wings, talent is starting to reach the Anomalies from different corners of the multiverse.

This will be the sixth meeting between Chromatika and Osarius in the history of football; though the Anomalies missed the heyday of the Firebirds, they are still a side that can show up at the CAFA and turn in a great result. As Lev Repin continues his work with the Anomalies - this time, taking a closer look at the younger players to gauge their potential - the groundwork is being done to build up success to be a perennial occurrence than just the recent World Cup. Reaching the Quarterfinals would do wonders, and the Firebirds are in the way.

[Yesopalitha]

Gone are the days of Jacques Kemp, the Vander Rox sisters, and the Flames playing a free-flowing game, when Yesopalitha cracked the top ten of teams in the world and almost reached the pinnacle of football. Now, football in Yesopalitha has become more tense, politically sensitive, and highly defensive, as Hashai'i Isbelar has been in charge for the last decade.

With humans now being excluded from the squad - to be fair, most of the population is Unbidden, and for the longest time, Nadya Dostoevich was the token Unbidden that was part of the previous squad - Isbelar has used the shock factor of the different species of Unbidden being on the pitch, along with their physicality and overall defensive mindset, to run a 4-5-1 and look to build a wall first. This means that every goal scored is priceless, while the Flames don't concede many. It's taken a few tournaments to start to get things to click, but the best part of the team being fully Unbidden is that time is not an issue. Of the starting eleven, only the Goalkeeper, Mik'o'si, is someone that will age naturally, and even then, Orcs can be physically fit enough to play goalkeeper through their fifties. All the Unbidden have is time.

Perhaps more interesting is the fact that Isbelar has made the personalities of this team work. To see the annoying, freaky hag N't'eri work in tandem with the tough, daring, physical duregar Carros Santai while Benpherros the wraith and Barrion Melfre the Dark Elf watches their flanks is an image straight out of the nightmares of the Bidden.

Genthe, the skeleton who loves to crack jokes about the fact that nobody can fully tell what species they were when they were alive, watches the middle, while Sauri Is'aha, the mummy, and Bollosollomotai, the chaos demon, work the sides; T'leira the lich and Bizaak Kelia, the Goblin, make a curious tandem in the midfield, with Kelia barely being four feet tall, while T'leira can levitate and isn't afraid to use that to her advantage.

Qhesserris, the succubus, scores over 90% of the team's goals in open play (most goals for the Flames happen on set pieces), often times being left to figure things out on her own. She's become better and better at it as time goes by, and though Certani, the engima of a presence that can come off the bench, is a force of their own, Qhesserris has the starting job for now.

One may ask, "With the population being mostly Undead, couldn't someone become better at the game just through sheer time, and overcome someone that is already on the roster?" Yes, that is possible; however, since the players on the squad have played the game longer, and know how to work with each other, there really isn't a reason for this team to change players on a whim. They continue to make the knockout rounds, and as long as the results hold up, why fix what isn't yet broken?

[Flavovespia]

Flavovespians tend to be a fairly quiet and reserved, yet still attempt to be friendly whether it’s on their travels, or to tourists visiting Flavovespia. Flavovespians will often be seen on their travels with their phones, travels guides of even little tidbits of information they printed off, to try and understand the local culture and language and immerse themselves. This often feeds into the reputation that Flavovespians want to be diligent, their tends to be a belief especially when outside the nation, that Flavovespians don’t want to be seen as ignorant or offensive to others. Going the other way, Flavovespians are always keen to welcome visitors and learn about their home countries. Although it must be said that acting in a way contrary to Flavovespian values, especially vocally criticising those values, tends to be strongly frowned upon.

Closer to sports, Flavovespians will tend to be described as cautious, bordering on the pessimistic. Any match against even the lowest ranked sides in a group, and there’ll be talk of potential upsets, the danger of dropped points, and the need to get the job done. Against a top seed, and the talk will be of the unlikely pathway to a victory. Flavovespians won’t want to get too confident even from a leading position, keeping the big celebrations until the moment is confirmed. That said, as celebrations for qualifying to World Cup 91 and then even more so the CAFA Cup 4 victory showed, when Flavovespians do win, they can party for hours on end, dressed in a sea of yellow and black. The national football team has a great reputation for being a unifying force across the nation, political and sporting rivalries are put to one side when Flavovespia play. Early scepticism about if the national team would be well supported was quickly shown to be pessimistic, even the less thrilling matches on paper are watched by many more than most league games.

In terms of Flavovespia’s football team, what kind of a reputation does it have? Well prior to a few cycles ago, they seemed to be notorious slow starters. Combined with a reputation for early away losses against low ranked sides, its easy to see how Flavovespia became pessimistic and acted like some cycles were over before they’d reach the latter stages. Recent times have seen Flavovespia correct that record somewhat, although their reputation for never quite being able to go toe to toe with the biggest nations remains. An exception being CAFA Cup 4, where Flavovespia finally put their name in history by lifting the trophy. With so many managers over the years, it’s hard for Flavovespia to really have a stereotypical style of play. Currently though, the image of Flavovespia’s national team is one of direct, vertical play. No fancy playing out of the back by defenders, the team always look to go forward and move with pace. A style of play with a reputation for being a bit old school, but for the most part it works.

[Aleirave]

On the final matchday, there was bad news and there was good news. First, the bad news. Cobrio and StrayaRoos played to a 2-2 draw. That meant that the pressure was on. Aleirave would have to win. No drawing allowed.

The Seagulls delivered.

They managed to beat Koronavia by a score of 3-1, ensuring their safe passage to the Round of 16, despite that initial hiccup against the Emus. Curiously, that meant that the StrayaRoos-Cobrio draw played directly into their hands.

You see, all of the previous combinations of matches, the "if X draws Y then we have to hope for Z", all of that crystal-balling, ended on the difference between second and either third or fourth. Except, that is, for one.

Here, a wrong plus a right made a bigger right. The draw between Cobrio and StrayaRoos put more pressure on the Seagulls to win, but it also added more weight onto that victory, as they were no longer playing for second, but rather first. This was the only timeline where Aleirave would swipe 1st in Group F and the easier Ro16 matchup that would come with it.

Aleirave had managed to recover a disaster of a first matchday into a 1st place finish, not without a little help from their old friend Margaret, but now, none of that mattered. It was on to the knockouts, and looking back is a blunder when your next game is always at risk of being your last. Thanks to Cobrio and StrayaRoos, the Seagulls would not be facing Huayramarca, who had a perfect group stage and showed no signs of slowing down, but rather Cardenao, a nation that crashed out of the group stage in Aleirave's Baptism of Fire, now contesting their second CAFA Cup. They, like Aleirave, went through the group stage with a 2-0-1 record, that one loss being 0-1 to Ko-oren, which was about the most understandable outcome to ever exist in the history of football.

This one would be far from easy. Cardenao may've been seeded at the bottom of Pot 3 as opposed to Aleirave's top of Pot 2, but on the other hand they beat Krytenia 4-2, which isn't exactly something to scoff at.

Both Haulafo Paka'ula and Katya Olayeva both knew that this team's work was cut out for them. This was going to be far from easy, and if they wanted to reach the top eight, let alone the final four, they'd have to defuse the unpredictable threat that was Cardenao.

Haulafo's thoughts before the match? His words were cautiously optimistic. "This match is far from free. Then again, that goes for any match at this stage. They're not supposed to be free, why the heck should they be? We'll try our hardest, and I know this team is going to play the best they possibly can."

Although his words seemed to reflect a level of confidence, on the inside he was scared to death. There was a good chance it'd all end here.

[Cardenao]

The day that would go down in infamy started with a strong northerly wind blowing in from the Itsasoan Sea, pushing a rolling wave of fog into the Iceethuh Sea between the Ochre Islands and Cardenao.

‘Today everything changes,’ Mihaly whispered to himself over a cup of tea. He closed his eyes and breathed in the brewing smell, opening his mind to what lay nearly 100 miles to the north of his palace in Alameda.

He imagined himself flying faster than any bird, covering the distance between the palace and the Ochren capital of Bellflower in seconds as he whipped over the Sea, pushing through the dense fog that accumulated until he saw the history makers.

20 mighty ships steamed towards Bellflower with haste. One would be excused for thinking these 20 smaller vessels were Ochren, indeed they were still covered in some of the country’s colors, but on closer observation you would see the blue and gold of Cardenao hastily painted over in a slapdash job.

Yes, they were the 20 ships Cardenao had exchanged flax to the Ochre Islands for, and now they were being returned to sender, complete with Cardenaoan soldiers. As they pushed out of the fog, the real threat emerged.

Slicing out from behind them was a steely machine of war, a Shango-class missile cruiser, nearly 10,000 tons with 96 assorted surface-to-surface/air/submarine missiles. It was a fearsome sight and the pride of the Cardenaoan navy, fresh from Banija at no cost, a testament to the depth of their national relationship.

The mighty ship came to a stop 15 nautical miles off the coast of Ochre, the sun beaming off the CRS Harmony name that blazed across its hull. As the other ships neared the Ochren shore, the two missile launchers on the Harmony pivoted and calibrated themselves towards Bellflower, with the national football stadium and high consulate within the target area. Of course, the sailors didn’t actually know how to fire the missiles per se, but it’s the implication that counts.

As the 20 ships neared the shore, several RHIBs full of Cardenaoan soldiers were lowered over the sides of each vessel to begin the attack. They hit the water, and motored towards the beachhead, with the brave soldiers steeling themselves for the combat that was to come.

'Today everything changes,' Private Antonio Valentine thought to himself as he gripped his rifle tight and wiped the sea mist off his face. He thought of his mother Luisa and his father Patron, the love he felt from them and his kid brother Patrice. He thought of the love of his life, Kaitlyna, and the future they had together. All thoughts vanished as the boat reached shore and he and the other soldiers jumped down into the sand and charged into history.

Elsewhere in Mertagne, Cardenaoan midfield sensation Haritz Larrainzar looked with confidence into the eyes of the Aleiravan player across from him. The whistle blew and the CAFA Round of 16 got underway.

‘Today everything changes.’

[Mertagne]

Mertagne are beginning to make a habit of delivering on home soil. Their group stage in the premier group of CAFA V, A, has left them soaring above the competition of neighbours The Karodin Tetrarchy, near-neighbours Cocoabo Forest, and not-bours Parumaquae, who saw their CAFA debut come to a close with a 0-0-3 record.

Mertagne's performance, the best of those in the tournament, has earned them a Round of 16 spot against Pyazhnaya. The sure to be bombastic match against the northerners at Dannin City Stadium will be an interesting matchup, as the Pyazhnayans are certainly punching below their weight class when it comes to their current performance in the tournament. Pundits have even claimed that the awya team my well have an even chance against the Green Goblins when all is said and done, as the Mertagnians continue to express their habit of giving more than their all in the first part of a tournament, only to bottle it in the group stage. Historically, the CAFA has been a poor ground for success for the Mertagnian side, with their best performance coming from the previous edition in which Cobrio pipped the side to 11th in the consolation bracket, handing Mertagne a 12th place result. A victory in this next game would mean the best CAFA performance for the team yet.

Looking optimistically forward, the path to the finals is lined with heavyweights, however, although the potential quarter-final match-up between either Lexandrija or New Gesem was expected by pundits at the start of the tournament to be filled by a different opponent - that of Chromatika, who eventually topped their group, or Audioslavia, who crashed out by failing to get the upper hand enough against Cheboa in their final group stage game. The Bulls, who are certainly no strangers to Mertagnian soil, appear to have struggled here, albeit with a 2-0-1 record that would have seen them progress from many other groups. If Mertagne are able to get the upper hand in both the Round of 16 and the Quarter Finals, the semi-finals could have any number of strong teams to face, ranging from Chromatika to the Ochre Islands. Any matchup between the Ochres and Mertagne is sure to be one that is equally fought off of the pitch, with the two teams' respective governments causing all sorts of stenches outside the tournament, with effervescent sabre rattling occurring in and across the Ocean of Ayes.

Mertagne is championing the Bekkside cause, being the only Bekkside nation to make it out of the Group Stage, and one of only three to enter the tournament in the first place. Calanian football is surging in nations such as Huayramarca and New Gesem, but this special sub-sub-region still has a lot to show to those watching across the multiverse. In this tournament, the second to come to the Bekk in five editions, Mertagne will be looking to go all the way in front of a feverish home crowd which will be demanding nothing less. Onward!

[Pyazhnaya]

Pyazhnaya to take on hosts in Round of 16

The group stage of the fifth edition of CAFA, Anaia's premier regional football competition, is over. While things did not quite go as planned for the Pyazhnayan national team, they at least achieved their first goal. After kicking things off in style with a clear 4-1 victory over Kotzellach, the fortunes of the burgundy-and-teal went onto a rollercoaster ride for the remainder of the first round. A 0-3 loss to Lexandrija put Pyazhnaya's hopes to advance in serious jeopardy as Kotzellach beat favourites Tjorl by a single goal, bringing the two nations even on points going into the final match of the group stage.

The premise was straightforward: Either match Kotzellach's result or better. Pyazhnaya went into the last match with a two-goal advantage in goal difference courtesy of the match day 1 victory, but in the worst case, even a win would not guarantee advancement to the knock-out stages, especially given that Kotzellach's opponents Lexandrija were all but guaranteed to advance and Tjorl were initially considered the favourites in the group. And in the end, things did come down to the goal difference as both matches ended up in draws, Kotzellach finishing 1-apiece against Lexandrija and Pyazhnaya holding Tjorl to a 2-2 split contest, allowing the team to advance on the aforementioned better goal difference.

For the Round of Sixteen, Pyazhnaya will remain in Dannin, but they will have their work cut out for them as they will meet hosts Mertagne, who topped their group of The Karodin Tetrarchy, Cocoabo Forest and Parumaquae with three straight wins, taking full advantage of the home advantage. We reached out to coach Aleksandr Zavrashin for some statements about both the group stage and the upcoming match.

"I'm happy that we managed to advance from the group stage, even though there obviously is still a lot of room for improvement. Our first match against Kotzellach was an outstanding performance, so I'm not sure if our players underestimated Lexandrija or what happened, but I won't mince my words when saying that this game was not worthy of a Pyazhnayan national team. Thankfully the team kept its spirit up and managed a respectable draw against Tjorl, even though I will say that we were lucky that Kotzellach did not manage to win their game against Lexandrija.

Looking forward, Mertagne definitely will be a very hard nut to crack, but being the hosting nation does not only have the advantage of the majority of fans backing them up. With that also comes increased pressure and while their group stage was impressive, they also now have an even bigger expectation on them to continue performing like this. Our team will do whatever is needed to stop Mertagne's run, even if it will not make us very popular in the nation. I will not divulge any details on line-up or tactics beforehand as we will need any advantage we can get. But I am confident that we will advance."

[Huayramarca]

Hardworking, tenacious yet somewhat shy or lacking initiative and confidence; those are the main stereotypes that go around Huayramarca and its people, some of them are right according to the region, as people in the Sierra (mountains) are known for being introverts, from the Yungas to the eastern border with Mertagne. People from the Jungle region, neighbouring Krytenia, zones of Mertagne and the Cocoabo Forest, are known for being resilient and admirable hardworking, they are the ones who have garnered the talent of initiative to change their surroundings to make them more liveable, to develop themselves as the richest region of Huayramarca.

People from the Coast and the San Carlos Archipelago are the most festive, extroverted, and confident inhabitants of Huayramarca, to the point that they might look arrogant or annoying to people from the Sierra, that’s a main reason why both regions have a somewhat heated rivalry in different aspects such as: economy, sports, arts, etc. Generalising over Huayramarca isn’t accurate at all, as people mostly keeps the idea of what they saw first, and what they see first are those inhabitants from the Sierra, which is where the capital, Chuquiago, is located.

This set of attitudes can be reflected into the Huayramarcan National Team, the Condors are a team with wild variations of attitude from player to player, that are miraculously stickied under the same goal of victory. You can see players such as Bryan Tello, the legendary goal poacher, having a lot of self-confidence and initiative, something you can notice in the pitch while taking full responsibility for converting the most opportunities possible to goals, also being responsible for the times he fails, he’s not afraid of biting the bullets. Another player with the same mindset is Orlando Mina; both are people from the coastal regions.

The biggest group of players are those from the Sierra, among them Gabriel Sayritupac, the Mamani brothers (Ian and Juan), Kevin Quispe, Santiago Chumacero among others. They are the incarnation of the stereotypical Serrano, crestfallen-looking, timid, rather analytical, and hard-nosed individuals; some traits that they have is that they rely on collective performances rather than polishing and utilising their own skills to attack. During the last months, some of their performances have been brought up to the attention of the managerial team, as they haven’t been using their potential, that’s part of the reason on why the managers decided to do a rather brutal training camp to change their mindsets.

Then, from the Jungle we have Abraham Mendoza, Felipe Fernández, Mario Ccahuantico among others; they are players that will keep fighting until their last breath, although when conditions are unfavourable, a bad trait from them is that they might be overconfident when things are looking good, they might need a shake-up from time to time to make sure they keep themselves level-headed.

Under the last months, the stereotypical traits of the Condors have been changed, and a new team is surging from bad performances, how radical will be their attitude improvement?

[Ochre Islands]

Oh, as if the Ochres didn't have a plan for this. It was put into action the moment Project Alouette stay-behinds in Cardenao warned them of large-scale Cardenao troop movements and no sign of any bridges being built nearby.

Cardenao -ense? -noan? - lese? -iola? -andpastarian? troops disembarked from their landing craft on the small beach in Bellflower city next to the stadium, they were met not by a militia, or Caribineers, but by a horde of Ochre holiday reps whose clipboards were set squarely to 'bamboozle'.

'Hello, welcome to the Ochre Islands!' said a particularly chirpy young girl to the first soldier up the beach. 'I've got you down here as being on coach 'a', so if you and around 50 of your friends could go and climb aboard that would be so wonderful'

'This... This is an invasion!' The soldier said. 'Ooh, party games already' the rep replied, 'I can see you've got your matching outfits, now on the bus please!'

From a distance, Ochre military officials watched on as the Cardenao troops were shepherded onto various coaches and their weapons put into the hold underneath. 'What's the plan now then?' 'They're going to get bussed to various hotels across Mournhow and given the all-inclusive treatment for a week until we send them all back home.' 'So their invasion was technically a success?' 'A landing with minimal casualties, a sort-of established beachhead and onward transportation across the island. I'd say it's going well for them, yes, until the coach journey makes them a bit drowsy that is.'

Suffice to say, it wasn't long until the bewildered troops were firmly rounded up and sent to hotels across the four corners of the island. At the Golden Most Beach Resort in the north of Mournhow, just outside Lander's Port, the first coachload of soldiers arrived.

'Welcome to the Golden Most! Please go on through to reception where Sophie will be waiting to take all your details. Have a great stay guys!'

'Hi hi hi gang hi! Oh I love your matching outfits! Here you are, a piña colada and a little garland of flowers for everyone, and for you, and you, and - oh hello soldier! Can I help?'

'You can't put us up in a hotel, this is an invasion!'
'Oh, silly, of course not, this is a Beach Resort!'
'You don't understand' the soldier said firmly, 'this is an invasion!' Sophie smiled back 'Of course it is, of course it is, now, you've just missed breakfast, but lunch is served from 12-2 in the main restaurant - it's a buffet system so eat what you can - then we have entertainment around the pool from 12:30 til 3, you musn't miss the water polo, then dinner is 5:30 - 8PM, again in the main restaurant, and evening entertainment is in the 'Golden Waters' bar until around 10:30!'
'THIS IS AN INVASION'
'Here are the keys to your room, don't forget to buy a postcard from the resort shop!'

[Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley]

Ochre Islands 3–1 Featherstonehaugh Cholmondeley
Goals: Mikkels 34’, Lucksmith 45+1’, Builder 56’; Lawrence 88’

Harry Zoomtwat will return in...

Harry Zoomtwat and the Curse of Tuttifruitti!!

Slightly less than 497.5 words

[Mertagne]

ROUND OF SIXTEEN SCORES

Mertagne 0–1 Pyazhnaya
@ Dannin City Stadium, Dannin, kick off 10:00.
It was just really humid. The horrible kind that nobody enjoys.
(Scorinated by Mytanija)

Lexandrija 2–1 New Gesem
@ Spectrum Stadium, Dannin, kick off 14:00

Chromatika 2–1 Osarius
@ Origas Arena, Kurtz, kick off 18:00

Ochre Islands 1–3 The Karodin Tetrarchy
@ Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo, kick off 22:00
Half time oranges were replaced with half-time chestnuts.

Huayramarca 4–2 Cobrio
@ Flynn Ar3na, New Fligsive, kick off 14:00
Satirical versions of both team anthems were played erroneously before the start of the match.

Aleirave 3–2 Cardenao
@ The Ring Tank Stadium, Ostosaide, kick off 11:00
Many Cardenian fans seemed focussed on other news throughout the match, causing a delay to the second half.
Fans were treated to a display of sea lion tricks involving footballs kicked out of the pitch boundaries to pass the time.

Ko-oren 0–0 Euran Oceania Territories (0–0 AET) (3–2 pen.)
@ Keers Dock Pitch, Keers, kick off 17:00
Fans of either side had moored ships outside the pitch and blared their ship horns whenever a player on the opposing team took a set piece.

Flavovespia 2–0 Yesopalitha
@ Spire Campus, Blackave, kick off 22:00

---

QUARTER FINAL MATCHUPS

Pyazhnaya vs. Lexandrija
@ Flynn Ar3na, New Fligsive

Chromatika vs. The Karodin Tetrarchy
@ Cop Limy Stadium, Neorudo

Huayramarca vs. Aleirave
@ The Ring Tank Stadium, Ostosaide

Ko-oren vs. Flavovespia
@ Dannin City Stadium, Dannin

RP Bonus statistics do not include brevity bonus.
11 roleplays were graded before this cutoff.
Of these roleplays, the mean RP bonus was 74.55%.
The median RP bonus was 70.00%.
The standard deviation was 8.2%.
1 roleplays received above 90% RP bonus.
11 roleplays received brevity bonus, of which 0 received the reduced bonus.
This will be the final RP Bonus statistics box due to dwindling remaining competitors.

[Ko-oren]

Noise at a football match is unfortunately something to put up with. Music has a huge tradition in Ko-oren, so at best that's what we hear from the Top League down to the Amateur divisions - at worst it's a cacophony of yelling and several instruments with no rhyme or reason. There's the drums from Finisterre - with Miradela's rhythm section especially gifted with their 7/4s and 11/8ths. Whistles in Yoshima, melodic and light. Brass in the northeast, march-like and stately. Singing happens too, but for language reasons that doesn't spread too far and it's difficult to properly insult an opposing fanbase if they can't understand you in the first place. That said, the Capitals tend to bring some necessary a capella to the Top League. You'd think that Cote Austral would come up with a tradition of their own to upstage the capitals, but they're too busy leaving early and generally do coefficientspeakly things. Organised chaos is the choice of the south coast, with Bruncester and Cirelbourne. That leaves the southwest, but they seem to have found a tradition of their own. Sydberg Olympia and WSR AFC, take note.

The Dragonflies snuck into the CAFA quarterfinals for the fourth time - out of five - by leveraging a tactical 0-0 over EOT, knowing they'd best them on penalties.

Who are we kidding, it was quite shit.

Davenport's cautious formation left us with no attacking intent and to be fair, EOT also didn't want it to become an open match. A ball crossing midfield was generally a rugby union-style kick to pin the opposition down deep. A player of the opposition crossing midfield was often a reason for a shove or a tackle, and the folks in nearby Keers Dock - binoculars and all - weren't entertained. It might have been us who started it, it might have been them, it could very well have been neutral Mertagnians. But at some point, after another late challenge on another useless attack, the fans had enough. As the Euran captain walked up to boot a free kick into the wall, or straight at Cyamou, or somewhere in the stands, HONK. And for every throw in, goal kick, free kick, or kick-off (second half, both extra time halves), more ships joined in.

Things got interesting when it came to penalties. Gillinghurst won the toss, and opted to use the goal nearest to the dock. And for 10 penalty kicks, HONK the same HONK annoying HONK ships kept blaring HONK those godawful things HONK and while it started off fun and innocuous HONK the joke is really, really overdone if HONK they keep ******ing doing it every 15 seconds HONK ooh, the EOT guy missed HONK and Mallerbury scores! Ko-oren wins! HONK

Up next is an Anaian classic, Ko-oren versus Flavovespia. Huayramarca versus Aleirave also promises to be a show, we're always interested in what Chromatika can do, this time against the Karodin Tetrarchy, and we also have the rebrands of Lexandrija taking on a scary Pyazhnaya team.