- HATEBALL: MD2 somehow manages to be even more devastating for already devastated Black Butterflies
When is a 3–4 game not a 3–4 game? When Hannasea are playing. This particular riddle was solved in a bizarre match at the Kinetik Stadium, as the Randoms utterly smashed the Black Butterflies, yet managed to come away with a win only by a one goal margin. The Randoms were physically dominant throughout, controlling over 67% of possession and having four times as many shots on goal. But that only tells half the story. Another revealing stat demonstrates why, despite conceding three times, Abigail Eastwood earned Player of the Match honours: more than half of the shots fired at the Random goal were from her own side. Apparently, the Randoms – while adept at dribbling, passing, and tackling – had decided to shoot at complete… random. Several times Bryony Soto or Baxter Woodcock were through on goal with a clear chance, but decided to blast the ball km over the bar. Other times, the Randoms turned around and ran back to the other end before shooting at their own goal. Rebecca Morgan scored twice, but the pick of the Hannasean goals came from Random defender Kristen Medrano, who unleashed a fearsome strike that Eastwood had no chance of stopping. Fortunately for Medrano, her teammates got busy randomly scoring at the other end through Soto (2), Ashlyn Langley and Tashan Dalton. After the game a perplexed Keira Gibson attempted to explain what had just happened, but broke down when she ran out of space on her blackboard somewhere around the point that she had to invoke the Möbius inversion formula.
BASEBALL: Sangti held scoreless as Choughs fly high
Hannasea’s national baseball team soared to the top of their group in the EBT thanks to Zac Parker, who threw 8.1 innings of a shutout against Sangti, and Ethan Harman, whose 9th inning homer pushed put the seal on a decisive win at the Dolphin Stadium in Newport. In the first inning, Jason Mathis – who had had a rough start to the tournament with a no-hit, three-strikeout showing against Copper Cuprum – got his first base hit. He turned it into a run as he stole 2nd, moved to 3rd when Seraphim Soliveres couldn’t handle Aaron Green’s sharply hit line drive, and scored on a pitch that found its way to the backstop, proving the veteran slugger still wasn’t above manufacturing runs on the basepaths when needed. The game remained tight through 8 innings, but Parker never allowed more than one runner on, striking out 7 and walking just 1. In the 9th, the Choughs extended their lead as Joe Mills led off with a basehit, Jay Wagner was clipped by an inside pitch from Monica Theresa Malig, and then Jake Walsh drove in Mills on a groundball down the 3rd base line. Harman’s line drive over the left fence wasn’t the biggest home run, but they all count – in this case, for 3 runs, that put victory well beyond Sangti’s means, as Zander Skinner finished things off with three quick outs in the 9th.
HOCKEY
Hannasea’s national ice hockey team captain Louis Kane issued a public dressing down of his players after their 1 – 0 defeat to Fhulgamous Peninsula, saying they were “wasting time” and “messing around”. “Too much of practice time is spent on things like puck handling and shooting,” he said, “And not enough is spent on fighting.” He singled out Jin-Yang Yu, to date leading the team in goals and shots, but who is yet to get into a single fight. “I really have to question his motivation,” admitted Kane, after Yu skipped a team fight practice to instead spend four hours forensically reviewing tape room footage of opponents’ tendencies.
In a true battle of the titans, a famous contest played out at the Jungledrom in Ratzupalfu. Heavy rain had turned the pitch into a mud-patch slick as glass, and on this surface, the two teams competed: to see who could put up the more inept offensive performance. The honourable victors were, just, the Elephants, who impressively managed to reach neither 100 yards net passing nor 100 yards net rushing; Hannasea had them matched to the fourth quarter, when quarterback Jack McCarthy inexplicably threw a pass to wide receiver Jett Scott, whose 77 yard run exactly matched the team’s entire passing yards up to that point. With offensive linepersons unable to establish their footing on the quagmire, a game that should have heavily favoured the Elephants became a shootout, except a shootout where both teams were aiming at their own feet. Robert Stein was sacked and intercepted three times apiece, Giovanni Read lost two fumbles, and Abdul Corbett missed two kicks as the driving rain reduced visibility. McCarthy – intercepted twice, sacked 5 times – fared little better, and until Scott’s breakaway, Hannasea’s longest play was just 17 yards long. The teams went a combined 6-from-40 on 3rd down attempts. It was a good day to be a punter, and a miserable day for everyone else.
