Midcontinent Sports Network · Sanford Domestic Newswire

[Greater Sanford]

Midcon Sports Network

Welcome to Midcon Sports Network, bringing you all the action from Sanford's premier domestic competitions: the Sanford PREMIER League, the Sanford PREMIER Cup, and the Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association.

Football
Domestic competitions: Sanford PREMIER League; Sanford PREMIER Cup
International competitions: IFCF Champions League; IFCF Challengers Cup; IFCF Associations Trophy; IFCF Cup Winners' Cup; CRF Copa de Campeones; Vilitan Cove Invitational; Copa Pavola

Season One: Preview. Fall. Spring. Awards.
Season Two: Summer. Fall. Spring. Finale.
Season Three: Full Season.
Season Four: Full Season.
Season Five: Summer. Fall. Spring. Finale.

Ssn.  League Champion                    Cup Champion
  1   Sanford Falls PREMIER              River Valley
  2   Sanford Falls PREMIER (2)          Corn Palace
  3   Corn Palace                        Railyards
  4   Corn Palace (2)                    Lewiston Clark
  5   Sanford Falls PREMIER (3)          Baptists

Basketball
Domestic competition: Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
International competition: IUBC Trophy

Season One: Introduction. Preview. Results.

Ssn.  League Champion                    Runner-Up
  1   Corn Palace Cobbers                Campanile Tyrannosaurus

[Greater Sanford]

Sanford PREMIER League — Season One Preview

For decades, a variety of teams have played football in Sanford, content to compete amongst themselves. The game began as a mostly amateur endeavour for its first few decades in the Sanford, with slow but gradual trends towards semiprofessionalism. Regional pride was on the line, but so was religious pride, as three of the country’s six historic teams that have survived to this day were founded with strong religious connections: the clubs from the nation’s largest city, Sanford Falls, and the nearby town of McGovern. The others were secular, and represented regions of this rural nation more than their towns themselves: Red Stream is from the far south of the country, Derry is due north of Sanford Falls on the east side of the country, and Granite City is the only team from the country’s north or west.

Only in the past few years, really, could the top teams of the country truly be considered professional — thanks to a large infusion of funds from the country’s richest man, D. Tommy Sanford. However, the banking magnate has now decided to venture into sport in a more direct role, founding his own club in Sanford Falls, instigating the establishment of another club to even out the numbers, and pressing the nation’s other top clubs to establish a pathway towards international competition for the first time. No one really has any illusions about what will happen when players and clubs from Sanford will meet the harsh reality of the rest of the world, but it seems to be Tommy Sanford’s hope that IFCF competition can facilitate better players from abroad, better exposure to international markets, and, most importantly, even more money in his coffers.

So, the Sanford PREMIER League — sponsored by PREMIER Bank, Tommy Sanford’s primary vehicle for money-making — will open a new chapter in the history of football in Sanford. The eight teams — three from Sanford Falls, five from five other towns, and four with religious roots and four without — will compete in a double round robin league, with each team playing every other once between mid-September and mid-November and once more between mid-February and late April, with a three-month break in between to avoid at least some of the area’s harsh winters.

The eight teams will also contest a cup competition for the first time: held concurrently with the league season, the Sanford PREMIER Cup will be a double-elimination tournament, in contrast to the more traditional single-elimination knockout cups often seen elsewhere. This is attributable both to the fact that, with no previous model to choose from, organizers could get creative, and to the fact that the main organizer was Tommy Sanford himself, and he wanted to do his best to ensure a cupset wouldn’t knock his favored team out fully.

League champions will qualify for the IFCF Champions’ League and the Rushmori Copa de Campeones, while the remainder of the top half of the league will be entitled to compete in the IFCF Challengers’ Cup. Cup champions will not receive an automatic berth in the Challengers’ Cup, in another one of Tommy Sanford’s efforts to maximize the chances his own team will qualify for IFCF competition, but cup winners will play in the IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup. Meanwhile, another team will also be nominated to compete in the Vilitan Cove Invitational based on their cup performance: the cup runner-up will earn Sanford’s nomination unless it finished in the top four of the league, in which case the nomination will be conferred upon the other semifinalist, the remaining quarterfinalist, or the remaining third round team with better league placing, all to give lower sides a tangible reward for good performances in the cup, even if a single team comes to dominate.

With all that set, it’s time to meet the teams that’ll be competing — and soon, time for the matches themselves. Welcome to Sanford, and welcome to the Sanford PREMIER League.

Baptists
Nickname: the Cougars
Home Colours: Purple / purple / purple
Away Colours: Grey / white / white
Stadium: Young Field (cap. 5 000), Sanford Falls
Primary Rivals: Martin Luther (derby, religious), Sanford Falls PREMIER (derby)
Manager: Devin Brewster (43m)
Starting XI (3–5–2): Jerry Matthius (29m); Frank Giddings (24m), Emma Spitznagel (21f), Will Genaust (27m); Don Larson (21m), Gail Unruh (20f), Al Killey (28m), Charlie Rohrer (24m), James Hart (27m); Steven Dean (23m), Leslee Schwartz (24f)

Background: This football club was founded by a group of — well, what it says on the tin. Baptists have always remained true to their traditional religious ethos, & they traditionally have a very strong rivalry with Martin Luther, with whom they contest the Holy Derby. Expect to see the players form prayer circles — with even rival or secular sides always invited — after each match. It will be interesting to see how the Cougars respond to the introduction of a new derby rival, especially given the juxtaposition of Baptists’s pious devotion and Sanford Falls PREMIER’s naked ambition.

Summary: Baptists always have a strong defense, but it’s moving forward where many of their troubles lie. The team is defensively solid, with three at the back assisted by two wingbacks and two defensively-minded central midfielders; even with the defection of star centreback Andrew Edel to Sanford Falls PREMIER, the team should be hard to break down. However, the team has an equally difficult time picking apart its opponents. All told, Baptists could be competitive for an IFCF or VCI berth, but asking for much more seems unreasonable.

Prediction: Fifth

Corn Palace
Nickname: the Kernels
Home Colours: Yellow / yellow / yellow
Away Colours: Black / black / black
Stadium: Discovery Archeodome (cap. 3 000), McGovern
Primary Rivals: Lewiston Clark (religious), Baptists (religious)
Manager: Frank Vehle (50m)
Starting XI (4–2–2–2): Nate Rozum (24m); Mike Johnson (32m), Oscar Carlson (23m), Donna Fraser (27f), Mary Rylance (20f); Allison Hitchcock (30f), Leslie Miskimins (32f), Jerry Reiner (21m), Mary Rumelhart (22f); Harry Hyde (19m), Greg Feinstein (19m)

Background: That name? Yes, before you ask, there is a real corn palace in McGovern. And yes, a corn palace is basically a palace made out of corn. Look, it was used back in the day to store corn after harvests; outside Sanford Falls, Sanford’s a rural place, alright? Anyways, in addition to the name, it’s a football club, too — although not a very good one. It has Methodist, and specifically Wesleyan, roots, and as a result, it has had rivalries with other religious-inspired clubs — particularly Baptists, since the series with Martin Luther is a bit more imbalanced. With the introduction of a new religious club, though, Corn Palace has hope that it won’t be the worst team in the league, and perhaps it can even form, and emerge triumphant in, a rivalry between religious sides from outside Sanford Falls.

Summary: Corn Palace won’t be winning any titles this year; in fact, it’s unlikely they’ll mount a challenge for IFCF football. Still, they could be an interesting package — even leaving aside, yes, that name, as well as the fact that they boast more women in their starting XI than any other side. The team features two deep-lying playmakers in their thirties, but they have plenty of youth elsewhere on the pitch. Three of their four wide players are under 23, while both their strikers are nineteen. The kids may have potential; if they can realize it, perhaps Corn Palace will have a foundation to build on. But that palace won’t be built this year.

Prediction: Seventh

Lewiston Clark
Nickname: the Lancers
Home Colours: Red / black / red
Away Colours: Black / white / black
Stadium: Riverside Park (cap. 1 600), Lewiston
Primary Rivals: Corn Palace (religious), River Valley (regional)
Manager: Lisa French (58f)
Starting XI (5–4–1): Scott Ziebach (26m); Abby Stevens (20f), Chris Hunhoff (28m), Layne Stransky (19m), Pam Ahmann (22f), Harvey Kennedy (20m); Lee Winslow (20m), Rob Nelson (31m), Alex Bogue (24f), Nancy Somsen (24f); Joe Lloyd (18m)

Background: Lewiston Clark is one of two clubs debuting this season. They arguably shouldn’t even be here, given that they’re from the smallest town represented in the league besides Red Stream’s historic River Valley, and they’re practically next-door neighbors to that much more well-known and well-supported club. Those who backed a team from Redlin to fill this eighth spot might have a point that the town’s bigger and that, as it stands now, no other club in the league is really anywhere near Northern, but Lewiston Clark carried a little bit more sway among the powers that be, and that’s all that matters now. They’ll claim they’re rivals with River Valley as the two clubs in the south, but they’re not anywhere near their level of talent. Given their Benedictine influences, which serve to balance out fellow newcomers Sanford Falls PREMIER’s status as a secular club, they may find Corn Palace to be more natural rivals, as the only other religious club outside Sanford Falls and likely the club closest to their level of quality.

Summary: Lewiston Clark knows it won’t win very many matches, but it very much hopes it won’t lose as many as one might expect, either. To that end, manager Lisa French has focused everything she can on shoring up the new club’s defense, highlighted by the 5–4–1 formation. Striker Joe Lloyd seems likely to be completely isolated relatively often, but he may be counted on to provide much of the team’s goalscoring threat singlehandedly. That’s a big ask of an eighteen-year-old. Unless something unexpected happens, expecting much of anything at all from this club is likely expecting too much.

Prediction: Eighth

Martin Luther
Nickname: the Vikings
Home Colours: Orange / white / white
Away Colours: Black / orange / black
Stadium: Overland Stadium (cap. 6 500), Sanford Falls
Primary Rivals: Sioux Falls PREMIER (derby), Baptists (derby, religious)
Manager: Ron Naeve (36m)
Starting XI (4–2–1–3): Tony Detlie (20m); Thomas Kirby (31m), Mary vanDorn (28f), Tona Gourley (24f), Kevin Thomason (32m); Linda Wegner (24f), Craig Schreier (18m), Gary Kelly (30m); Caleb Hemmingsen (24m), Benny Graham (29m), Paul Olsen (30m)

Background: Martin Luther is a fairly old club and, as one might expect, Lutheran. The club doesn’t remain as dedicated to its religious roots as, say, Baptists, but the two clubs’ identities as religious clubs certainly added a special spark to their rivalry — all the more intense because, until this year, it had been the only true derby in Sanford. That will change now, though, as Sioux Falls PREMIER has muscled its way into the picture, challenging Martin Luther’s status as the top team from Sanford Falls. Still, despite their new rivals’ generous benefactor, Martin Luther is well-supported and financially strong in its own right, so it won’t back down from the newcomers, or anyone else, without a fight.

Summary: Martin Luther has a great shot at IFCF football, just as long as it can beat its old rivals, Baptists. With Jenny Frederickson having left for new rivals Sanford Falls PREMIER, that may be a bit more difficult, but it certainly won’t be impossible, as the team boasts plenty of experience — though despite having its youngest manager, Martin Luther also has the joint-oldest starting XI in the league. If their cards fall right, they stand a very good chance of being Sanford’s best historically religious club and earning a Challengers’ Cup spot as a reward.

Prediction: Fourth

Northern
Nickname: the Wolves
Home Colours: Red / red / yellow
Away Colours: Yellow / black / white
Stadium: Roncalli Field (cap. 6 000), Granite City
Primary Rivals: Railyards (regional), River Valley (regional)
Manager: Jacob Weisbecker (42m)
Starting XI (4–4–2 diamond): Doug Barry (19m); Brendan Amundson (20m), John Jones (24m), Rachael White (24f), Jane Miller (23f); Aaron Jewett (32m), Jake Swisher (31m), Joe Mooney (28m), John Holgate (27m); Chase Kornmann (32m), Abby Hoffman (30f)

Background: Northern are, well, in the north. Also in the west. Really, they’re nowhere near another team in the league, which makes them an annoying road trip for opposing teams, but also makes every road trip they have to take difficult for themselves and their supporters. Northern is generally considered third-best of the three classic secular teams, but they still count those two other clubs as rivals. Derry is about halfway between the country’s northern and southern extremities, making Railyards slightly closer than any other team in the league, and Northern has historically had a slightly better record against Railyards than River Valley, but it’s a good day in Granite City whenever Northern can beat either.

Summary: Northern’s backline and goalkeeper are all younger than twenty-five, but ahead of them, all its forwards and midfielders are in their late twenties or older. Of the eleven strikers listed among league teams’ starting XIs, a majority are teenagers, and none are older than Northern’s Abby Hoffman — aside from her teammate Chase Kornmann. Both are in their thirties already. A lot will ride on the gamble that older means wiser, and wiser means wilier, more dangerous strikers. The odds are a little long, but Northern has placed its bets for a top-half finish, and perhaps it’ll cash in.

Prediction: Sixth

Railyards
Nickname: the Jackrabbits
Home Colours: Blue / yellow / white
Away Colours: Yellow / blue / yellow
Stadium: The Checkerboard (cap. 19 300), Derry
Primary Rivals: River Valley (historical), Northern (regional)
Manager: Keith Natwick (55m)
Starting XI (4–2–3–1): Shawn Parsley (23f); Amy Clark (30f), Doug Weaver (31m), Heath Tidemann (25m), Max Burris (19m); John Kurtenbach (23m), Michael Allstot (32m), James Wentzy (27m), Miles Fenn (31m), Josh Rauch (30m); Richard Marking (18m)

Background: Railyards are one of Sanford’s two oldest and most historic sides. Although considered slightly more junior than River Valley, the team is consistently at or among the top of the domestic game, and it has always relished the prospect of knocking their greatest rival down to size. However, as the only other team from the northern three-quarters of the country, and a junior rival at that, the club may most hate losing to Northern. Meanwhile, Railyards is extremely well-supported, and the club is particularly popular with farmers. In fact, it just built a new stadium, the Checkerboard, a few years ago, which was double the size of any other stadium in the country before the Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium was opened in Sanford Falls.

Summary: Railyards are in quite a good shape to make a title run. The team lost Justin Broin to Sanford Falls PREMIER, but Max Burris looks like a promising young replacement. Perhaps Richard Marking can’t be relied upon for all the team’s goals, but the likes of James Wentzy, Miles Fenn, and Josh Rauch love to get forward and contribute to or score goals, and they’ve been doing it together for many years now. They know how to break down opposing defenses, and their familiarity and continuity will be key to any potential title challenge. Railyards will certainly expect to be among Sanford’s first IFCF contingent, and it may well be the country’s best shot of keeping Sanford Falls PREMIER out of the Champions’ League.

Prediction: Runners-up

River Valley
Nickname: the Coyotes
Home Colours: Red / white / red
Away Colours: White / white / white
Stadium: The ValleyDome (cap. 9 100), Red Stream
Primary Rivals: Railyards (historical), Sanford Falls PREMIER (national)
Manager: Shayna Lennon (61f)
Starting XI (3–4–3): Scott Colvin (29m); Anna Jolley (21f), John Brown (21m), John Schafer (19m); Rachel Brady (26f), Will Ring (29m), Bethany Meierhenry (32f), Alex Ives (22m); Frank Wheeler (20m), Joel Nesselhuff (31m), Robert Cooper (18m)

Background: River Valley likes to think of itself as the big dogs in Sanford. Historically, they have always battled for that distinction with Railyards, with whom they have quite an evenly matched head-to-head series record. They are Sanford’s oldest club, one of its most historically significant and successful, and one of its most well-supported. However, its status will be challenged by the introduction of Sanford Falls PREMIER. With a richly financed new rival, River Valley does not intend to go gently into that good night; they will do all they can to compete with all comers, and they have the enduring quality to be a real challenge for whatever team they face.

Summary: River Valley is usually at or near the top of the heap, but both their wingers were poached by Sanford Falls PREMIER, which could pose a challenge for the club. The team has a very young back three, and their forward line isn’t very imposing. It will likely be up to the team’s midfield, and perhaps its goalkeeper, to ensure the team retain the lofty ideals it has always set for itself. River Valley should expect IFCF football, but they could just as easily make a title challenge as they could risk falling short of international competition altogether.

Prediction: Third

Sanford Falls PREMIER
Nickname: the Robbers
Home Colours: Green / green / green
Away Colours: White / white / white
Stadium: Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium (cap. 33 700), Sanford Falls
Primary Rivals: Martin Luther (derby), Baptists (derby)
Manager: Dan Brescia (58m)
Starting XI (4–1–2–3): Jenna Jones (19f); Andy Wingert (18m), Andrew Edel (31m), Harry Evans (20m), Justin Broin (25m); Rick Fossum (18m), Jenny Fredrickson (25f), Parker Baszler (29m); Mason Clark (23m), Chuck Dow (26m), Dave Gullickson (19m)

Background: Sanford Falls PREMIER is already the most hated team in Sanford, and they haven’t even played a match. The team is a tribute to capitalism. It does not have fans; it exists only to make money for the ultrarich man who owns it, and there is no one in Sanford who is not well aware of that fact. They are also quite aware that the owner of the club has incredible power in the country and exercised some of that influence to bend the league and its regulations to his own whims, to minimize risk and maximize potential return on investment. Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium has a capacity of 33 700, but it seems unlikely to ever see a crowd approach even near that figure; still, it’s good to be the biggest, and it’s good to be the best. That’s exactly what Tommy Sanford will expect his team to be.

Summary: Sanford Falls PREMIER earned its nickname in two ways: by being bought and paid for by a banker who made his money off exorbitant interest rates for low-credit customers and the fact that the team itself poached at least one player in its starting lineup from every other returning team in the league: Jenna Jones from Corn Palace, Andrew Edel from Baptists, Justin Broin from Railyards, Jenny Fredrickson from Martin Luther, Parker Baszler from Norther, and Mason Clark and Chuck Dow from River Valley. They managed to do this, of course, by offering salaries double or more what they made with their old clubs. This means Sanford Falls PREMIER has some of the league’s best players, but their cohesiveness on and off the pitch may be a volatile mix for manager Dan Brescia to handle. Still, with all his team’s talent and the massive investment he made even before the club has played its first match, Tommy Sanford will expect his club to win trophies from its very beginning.

Prediction: Champions

[Greater Sanford]

Sanford PREMIER League — Season One Fall

September

Matchday One
Sanford Falls PREMIER 6–2 Lewiston Clark
Martin Luther 3–0 Baptists
Corn Palace 1–0 Northern
River Valley 1–3 Railyards

For the first matchday of the Sanford PREMIER League as such, a series of significant matches were played. Of course, Sanford Falls PREMIER wheedled into hosting the league’s debut match in their monstrosity of a stadium. The league’s opening match ostensibly celebrated its two newcomers, both making their debuts, though some cynics think it was scripted to give Sanford Falls PREMIER their best possible chance at a nice result to look at for their “first match played” statistics. Whether or not that really was the intention, they certainly earned it, with a six-goal statement against hapless Lewiston Clark. Martin Luther earned an emphatic three-nil victory over Baptists in the first Holy Derby of the Sanford PREMIER League era, Corn Palace eked by Northern one-nil, and Railyards earned the league’s first away points by beating old rivals River Valley three-one.

Matchday Two
Lewiston Clark 0–2 Railyards
Northern 0–1 River Valley
Baptists 2–0 Corn Palace
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–4 Martin Luther

It’s only been two matchdays, but it seems as though Martin Luther has a very formidable attack, with seven goals in two matches. Meanwhile, it seems Sanford Falls PREMIER may have an even better strike rate, with ten goals from their first two matches, but they might also have quite a poor defense. That cost them the early lead in the league, with Railyards emerging as the only team to win both their first two matches of the league season, again on the road, though this time against a less formidable opponent. Meanwhile, River Valley and Baptists rebounded from opening day losses to earn their first three points, while Northern and Lewiston Clark are still searching for their first points.

October

Matchday Three
Martin Luther 1–1 Lewiston Clark
Corn Palace 2–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
River Valley 2–2 Baptists
Railyards 0–1 Northern

Just before the cup was set to begin, Lewiston Clark earned the first result of the team’s young history, earning an impressive away point against Martin Luther by holding the team’s bevy of attacking talent to but a single goal. Sanford Falls PREMIER continued their glut of goals — for both sides — against Corn Palace, though they did up a win in their first-ever away match, good enough to reclaim their place atop the league table in the early going after Northern earned its first league points and Railyards dropped points for the first time in an upset at the Checkerboard.

Cup First Round
Baptists 2–2 Corn Palace (3–2 AET)
River Valley 2–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Martin Luther 1–2 Northern
Railyards 1–0 Lewiston Clark

The first round of the Sanford PREMIER Cup features the two oldest, most historic teams and the two older, religiously-affiliated Sanford Falls teams host the two newcomer teams and the two other teams in the league. Other than that, it’s a random draw. The first round produces four exciting matches, all decided by a single goal, including one which required extra time. Sanford Falls PREMIER’s defense conceded multiple goals for its fourth consecutive match, but this time, its offense wasn’t able to keep up; the team suffered its first-ever loss, though fortunately for them, the tournament’s double-elimination structure will give them a second chance — if they can manage to win cup six matches in succession. Northern may be happiest with its result, as the first round’s only away win puts them just one match away from the victors’ quarterfinal. With consecutive away wins in the league and the cup, perhaps this will be the start of a run of positive form for them.

Matchday Four
Lewiston Clark 2–0 Northern
Baptists 3–3 Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 5–1 River Valley
Martin Luther 2–0 Corn Palace

Or maybe not. Lewiston Clark earns its first-ever win in front of its home supporters in Lewiston at Northern’s expense. To be fair, Lewiston Clark to Northern is the longest away trip in the league. They did fare better than River Valley, which visited the Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium expecting to be competitive but got demolished instead. Sanford Falls PREMIER’s defense limited River Valley to just one goal, but the team still has yet to earn a clean sheet after five matches; after Lewiston Clark’s victory, they remain the last team in the league not to record at least one such defensive performance. It remains yet to be seen whether Sanford Falls PREMIER’s offense can stay this prolific for the entire season, or if their permissive defense will cost them.

Matchday Five
Corn Palace 0–2 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 3–3 Martin Luther
Railyards 0–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Northern 0–0 Baptists

Just like that, Sanford Falls PREMIER has the clean sheet its defense had been searching for. The team has earned a very important away win against a serious title rival, silencing the rowdy fans at the Checkerboard. Combined with River Valley’s draw with Martin Luther, Sanford Falls PREMIER is now four points clear and unbeaten in the league. And they aren’t the only newcomers having a successful run of form, either; don’t look now, but Lewiston Clark is on a three-match league unbeaten streak, including wins in each of its last two matches, putting them in the IFCF places at the moment. That will surely change as more matches are played, but given how the country’s population can sustain so few teams and its climate can tolerate such a short season, we’re already a third of the way through the league season.

Cup Second Round, Winners’ Group
Railyards 1–0 Northern
River Valley 2–0 Baptists

Cup Second Round, Losers’ Group
Martin Luther 2–0 Corn Palace
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER

For the cup’s second round, first round winners were drawn against each other randomly, while first round losers were drawn against each other randomly, as well, with the hosts of each contest also being determined at random. It seems as though that fact may have been significant, as home teams have won seven of eight matches so far, including all four in the second round. Most notably of all, Lewiston Clark avenged their matchday one loss against Sanford Falls PREMIER by knocking them out of the Sanford PREMIER Cup at its earliest stage, becoming the first team to keep a clean sheet against the most fearsome attack in Sanford. The double-elimination format was designed precisely to keep big names like Sanford Falls PREMIER from being unceremoniously dumped out of the competition, but even that was not enough, as Sanford Falls PREMIER and Corn Palace will be the first to go. Losers’ group winners Martin Luther and Lewiston Clark will advance to the third round, where they will be hosted by winners’ group losers Northern and Baptists. Meanwhile, old rivals Railyards and River Valley will receive byes to the victors’ quarterfinal, where they will fight for the right to advance directly to the championship series.

November

Matchday Six
Lewiston Clark 1–1 Baptists
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Northern
Martin Luther 3–3 Railyards
Corn Palace 0–1 River Valley

Lewiston Clark is really doing well now, aren’t they? It took them a little while to find their footing, and it seemed like they weren’t prepared for the league after their first-match wholloping, but they’re on a four-match unbeaten run in all competitions, including a nice draw against Baptists on matchday six and a cup win over Sanford Falls PREMIER to avenge their initial poor welcome to the league. The question is: can they keep it up? Meanwhile, even though they can’t win a double, can anyone stop Sanford Falls PREMIER in the league? Their defense isn’t a unit of world-beaters, by any means, but it certainly seems like they’ve begun to learn how to play together for the most part after their first few matches in the league. Martin Luther played out a hard-fought draw against Railyards, a worthy opponent, but those are two home points dropped. Even though Martin Luther is also an unbeaten team in the league, matchday six’s results mean Sanford Falls PREMIER has taken a six-point lead in the league race. It seems as though all the midtable clubs are all taking points off each other and not allowing any one of them to mount a challenge to Sanford Falls PREMIER’s title aspirations just yet. Will that change?

Matchday Seven
River Valley 2–1 Lewiston Clark
Railyards 2–3 Corn Palace
Northern 1–0 Martin Luther
Baptists 3–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

It took half the season, but Sanford Falls PREMIER has finally endured a loss in the league. It was while visiting Baptists, to boot — the moneychangers in the temple. Sanford Falls PREMIER has won all five of its league matches against teams from outside Sanford Falls, but it has taken just a single point from its first two derbies thus far. If Sanford Falls PREMIER is unable to win the title, it may be due to struggles in derbies. Its closest competition so far is River Valley, which heads into its winter break with a three-match winning run and four-match unbeaten run in all competitions, the second-most points in the league, and a trip to the victors’ quarterfinal in the cup. Still, as many points separate second-place River Valley from league-leading Sanford Falls PREMIER as they do from last-place Corn Palace. There is a whole half of the season left to play — and a three-month break might go some way to resetting teams’ form — but it will be an uphill battle to knock Sanford Falls PREMIER off their perch in the league.

Cup Third Round
Northern 2–0 Lewiston Clark
Baptists 0–0 Martin Luther (1–0 AET)

Still, half the league has one more match to play before heading home for break, as the cup prepares to eliminate two more teams. Because Martin Luther had already met Northern in the first round, the draw generated another Holy Derby, this time hosted by Baptists — and this time won by them. It was contested right down to the wire, but a last-ditch header sealed the win for Baptists — and, combined with their win over their other derby rival in the last league match of the calendar year — a very sweet feeling heading into winter break. They will join Northern in the elimination quarterfinal, and the task in front of them is clear, but difficult: in order to win the Sanford PREMIER Cup, Northern and Baptists must first go through each other in their quarterfinal, then earn an away win against the loser of the victors’ quarterfinal between Railyards and River Valley, and finally win first away and then again at home against the winner of the victors’ quarterfinal in the championship series. Four wins, including one against every team left in competition and a second against the team that will arrive in the championship series unbeaten, is certainly a very tall order. For now, though, the supporters of these two clubs get to celebrate a win and dream of more to come in spring.

  Sanford PREMIER League  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts                                          
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER     7    5   1   1    24   13  +11    16    —   5–1  4–4   —    —   6–2  2–1   —    Tentative CL/CdC
2 River Valley              7    3   2   2    11   14   −3    11    —    —   3–3  2–2  1–3  2–1   —    —    Tentative ChC
3 Martin Luther             7    2   4   1    16   12   +4    10    —    —    —   3–0  3–3  1–1   —   2–0   Tentative ChC
4 Baptists                  7    2   4   1    11   11    0    10   3–2   —    —    —   3–3   —    —   2–0   Tentative ChC
5 Railyards                 7    2   2   3    13   13    0     8   0–2   —    —    —    —    —   0–1  2–3
6 Lewiston Clark            7    2   2   3     9   12   −3     8    —    —    —   1–1  0–2   —   2–0   — 
7 Northern                  7    2   1   4     3    6   −3     7    —   0–1  1–0  0–0   —    —    —    — 
8 Corn Palace               7    2   0   5     6   12   −6     6   2–3  0–1   —    —    —   0–2  1–0   —

[Greater Sanford]

Sanford PREMIER League — Season One Spring

February

Matchday Eight
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Baptists 4–1 Martin Luther
Northern 1–0 Corn Palace
Railyards 3–1 River Valley

Sanford Falls PREMIER continues to hold a commanding lead over the chasing pack. Lewiston Clark have dropped near the foot of the table after their unlikely run midway through the fall, so it’s likely that this was one of Sanford Falls PREMIER’s easier fixtures of their spring schedule. Still, with six matchdays remaining, they have a six-point lead over Baptists and an eight-point cushion over the rest of the field. Baptists lead the chasing pack thanks to an emphatic four-one win over Martin Luther, atoning for their three-nil opening day loss against their bitter rivals. They’ve split the league series and knocked Martin Luther out of the cup, so Baptists fans have reason to be happy. Even happier are Railyards supporters, though, as they have successfully swept their season series against their biggest rivals, River Valley. The two teams play again in just two weeks’ time in the cup with a spot in the championship series on the line; can Railyards make it three from three?

Matchday Nine
Railyards 1–0 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 1–0 Northern
Corn Palace 0–1 Baptists
Martin Luther 2–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday nine goes as badly as it can for Sanford Falls PREMIER, as each of the team’s biggest threats won, there were no draws, and the team lost in a derby against Martin Luther. Entering matchday nine, Sanford Falls PREMIER had a six-point cushion for the league title; now, that margin has halved, and the team has a six-point cushion for IFCF places. Sanford Falls PREMIER is unlikely to drop that far, but at the end of February, the team has to be sweating a bit more than the weather would suggest. Baptists picked up an away win over Corn Palace, giving them an eight-match league unbeaten run, dating back to their opening day derby loss visiting Martin Luther at Overland Stadium. If they can continue to match Sanford Falls PREMIER’s results like-for-like until matchday fourteen, they will visit the Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium on the final matchday knowing a win would make them league champions. It’s still Sanford Falls PREMIER’s league to lose, but it is now fully within Baptists’s power to win the league if they’re able to take advantage.

March

Cup Victors’ Quarterfinal
River Valley 2–1 Railyards

Cup Elimination Quarterfinal
Baptists 1–2 Northern

The cup quarterfinals have arrived, bringing with them a pair of massive fixtures. In essence, River Valley and Railyards need to win one of their next two cup fixtures to advance to the championship series, while Baptists and Northern can get there if they win both of their next two. River Valley–Railyards was the juiciest pairing of the two, as not only would the winner advance to the championship series, but the two teams stood as bitter rivals. Railyards had won both of their league matches, each by a three-one score, but nine out of ten cup matches in prior rounds had been won by their hosts, and as soon as River Valley scored their second goal, it was practically over. Railyards will get another chance in the semifinal, where they will host Northern, the winner of the other quarterfinal. In a bit of coincidence, that means that the last three standing in the cup are the three original secular clubs in the league. By knocking out hosts Baptists, it becomes all the more unlikely that we will see a league-cup double in the inaugural season of both, as both Railyards and River Valley are five points behind the lead and Northern lags in sixth. However, with two thirds of the league season elapsed and just three teams remaining in the cup, it’s still all to play for.

Matchday Ten
Lewiston Clark 0–1 Martin Luther
Sanford Falls PREMIER 9–3 Corn Palace
Baptists 1–0 River Valley
Northern 4–3 Railyards

Baptists beat River Valley to keep pace with the league leaders and Martin Luther beat Lewiston Clark to put all three city sides atop the podium, and Corn Palace and Lewiston Clark were both mathematically eliminated from the title race, but the real stories of matchday ten are of two matches with veritable offensive explosions. In a flashback to their earlier defensive woes, Sanford Falls PREMIER conceded three at home to Corn Palace, but that didn’t matter, because seven different players scored for Sanford Falls PREMIER and the team won by six, surpassing their own record for winning margin in the league. Nine goals is exactly as many as their opponents, Corn Palace, have scored all season thus far, even after Sanford Falls PREMIER allowed them to boost their season goals scored tally by fifty percent in a single match. Nine goals is also more than Northern have scored all season, despite doubling their season goals total in a single match. That was enough to secure a win over Railyards, bringing them just one point away from an IFCF spot, despite increasing their season goals conceded tally by over forty percent in that match alone. It’s unlikely we’ll see another similar outburst of goals the remainder of the way, but as we get closer to the run-in, the stakes are only heating up.

Matchday Eleven
Northern 3–0 Lewiston Clark
Railyards 1–0 Baptists
River Valley 3–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Corn Palace 3–3 Martin Luther

Matchday eleven was awful for title challengers, as both Sanford Falls PREMIER and Baptists lost away matches against strong opposition. Sanford Falls PREMIER could have taken a commanding lead in the title race; with a win, they would have needed only two points to win the title, as long as at least one of them came on matchday fourteen against Baptists, or they could have clinched the title before then with at least four points from their next two matches. However, Sanford Falls PREMIER remains in danger of losing the title if they lose to Baptists. Meanwhile, Baptists could have seized the league lead, putting another team besides Sanford Falls PREMIER atop the table for the first time since matchday two. As it stands, the team will still win the title if they take a perfect nine points from their remaining matches, but they may not have any more margin for error. Baptists does benefit from a seemingly lighter run-in, though, as they will host Northern and then Lewiston Clark before visiting Sanford Falls PREMIER on the final matchday, while their title rivals will host Railyards before visiting Northern. The teams that benefitted from matchday eleven were the midtable, as with three matchdays left to play, only three points now separate Baptists in second from Northern in sixth, while Railyards, Martin Luther, and River Valley are all locked on seventeen points in third, fourth, and fifth, respectively. Meanwhile, just one matchday after being eliminated from title contention, Corn Palace and Lewiston Clark have been mathematically eliminated from the IFCF race, too, the latter because of the combination of future fixtures and past head-to-head results. These two teams will contest dead rubbers for the rest of the season, with nothing but pride to play for — but for the other six teams in the league, the stakes are higher than ever.

Cup Semifinal
Semifinal
Railyards 2–0 Northern

Speaking of teams being eliminated from international competition, Railyards has joined rivals River Valley as the second team to guarantee a nomination to an international tournament by advancing past Northern to the cup championship series. The fixture was a repeat of the teams’ second round cup match, also hosted at the Checkerboard, and Railyards secured a clean sheet and a win in ninety both times. Now, they’ll see another previous-round repeat, as they are set to face River Valley in the championship series. Railyards will need to win first at the ValleyDome and then again at the Checkerboard to claim the trophy. If the Sanford PREMIER Cup were a single-elimination tournament, River Valley would have already won the trophy and qualified for the IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, but they will need to win one more fixture against River Valley, either as hosts or visitors, to win the title once and for all. The first match of the series will be hosted by River Valley, which may prove significant, as eleven of thirteen cup matches to this point have been won by their hosts, including these two teams’ fixture in the quarterfinals. Railyards won both of their two league fixtures, however, so they will still have another shot to win the cup if they can manage to take four from five over the course of a single season.

April

Matchday Twelve
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Corn Palace
Martin Luther 3–0 River Valley
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–0 Railyards
Baptists 2–1 Northern

The title race is continuing to heat up. If Baptists win at home to last-place Lewiston Clark, a single match at the Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium will decide the inaugural champion of the Sanford PREMIER League. Martin Luther still has a shot at the title, if it can win against Railyards and Northern while both the other Sanford Falls clubs drop points. However, with losses against the top three, Railyards, River Valley, and Northern have all been eliminated from title contention. That means Sanford Falls PREMIER is the first team to clinch at least an IFCF Challengers’ Cup berth, although it will surely want more than that. It also means that Railyards, River Valley, and Northern are incredibly close in the race for the last IFCF Challengers’ Cup spot on offer, though another spot could open up if Martin Luther or perhaps Baptists drop points. With two matchdays left, it’s all to play for.

Matchday Thirteen
Baptists 0–0 Lewiston Clark
Northern 3–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 2–2 Martin Luther
River Valley 3–1 Corn Palace

Matchday thirteen is packed full with drama. First, Baptists played to a scoreless draw against Lewiston Clark. That meant that Sanford Falls PREMIER would win the league with a matchday to spare if it could earn an away win against Northern. The league leaders battled back from two-nil down to take the lead, but the purple side of Sanford Falls was jubilant as Northern recovered to find an equalizer. The result eliminated Martin Luther from the title race, as it could finish no better than in a three-way tie for the title, which would see them place second behind Baptists on head-to-head points due to Baptists’ superior head-to-head record against Sanford Falls PREMIER, which would finish third. However, Martin Luther could not muster even that scenario, as they drew two-all with Railyards. With every other match ending in a draw, it was a perfect opportunity for River Valley to make progress in the table, and they capitalized, defeating already-eliminated Corn Palace to move up to fourth in the table, meaning a win on the final matchday would guarantee the team a place in the IFCF Challengers’ Cup, or even just a draw if Railyards cannot defeat Corn Palace, although that would be putting it too much to chance for their supporters’ liking. In third, Martin Luther has not quite mathematically clinched IFCF qualification yet, but they’re awfully close; it would take a home loss to Northern, a River Valley away win against Lewiston Clark, a Railyards away win against Corn Palace, and at least a seven-goal swing in goal differential — plus a swing of at least five goals scored if the goal differential swing is exactly seven — in favor of Railyards to see Martin Luther knocked out of international competition entirely. In fifth, Railyards could sneak up the table with a win over Corn Palace and a River Valley draw or loss to Lewiston Clark, or via the aforementioned seven-or-more goal differential swing compared to Martin Luther, which would also have to lose if River Valley wins. Meanwhile, sixth-place Northern was eliminated from IFCF contention, thanks to losing the head-to-head series against River Valley. But at the top, the match with top billing will be Sanford Falls PREMIER–Baptists. A Sanford Falls PREMIER win or draw would crown them champions, but Baptists could steal away the title at the last if they can secure an away win. No matter what will happen, history will be made.

  Sanford PREMIER League  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts                                          
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER    13    8   2   3    42   25  +17    26    —    —   4–4  5–1  3–0  2–1  9–3  6–2   Tentative CL/CdC
2 Baptists                 13    6   5   2    19   14   +5    23   3–2   —   4–1  1–0  3–3  2–1  2–0  0–0   Tentative ChC
3 Martin Luther            13    5   6   2    28   21   +7    21   2–0  3–0   —   3–0  3–3   —   2–0  1–1   Tentative ChC
4 River Valley             13    6   2   5    19   23   −4    20   3–1  2–2  3–3   —   1–3  1–0  3–1  2–1   Tentative ChC
5 Railyards                13    5   3   5    23   23    0    18   0–2  1–0  2–2  3–1   —   0–1  2–3  1–0
6 Northern                 13    5   2   6    15   15    0    17   3–3  0–0  1–0  0–1  4–3   —   1–0  3–0
7 Corn Palace              13    3   1   9    15   30  −15    10   2–3  0–1  3–3  0–1   —   1–0   —   0–2
8 Lewiston Clark           13    2   3   8    11   21  −10     9   1–2  1–1  0–1   —   0–2  2–0  1–2   —

Cup First Championship Match
First Championship Match
River Valley 1–0 Railyards

But first, the first match of the Sanford PREMIER Cup championship series — and we have a champion! River Valley only needed to win one out of two, but they put it to bed on their first opportunity, in front of their home fans and over their fiercest rival at a packed ValleyDome. River Valley will be going to the IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, and Railyards will be nominated for the Vilitan Cove Invitational if it fails to qualify for the IFCF Challengers’ Cup; most importantly of all, however, River Valley has won all four of its cup matches — each tidily and within ninety minutes, felling genuine contenders such as Sanford Falls PREMIER, Baptists, and then their dreaded rivals Railyards twice in succession — to firmly establish themselves as the inaugural champions of the Sanford PREMIER Cup.

Matchday Fourteen
Lewiston Clark 0–0 River Valley
Corn Palace 1–4 Railyards
Martin Luther 2–0 Northern
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Baptists

In the first match of the day, Lewiston Clark was already eliminated, while River Valley required an away win to guarantee its spot in the IFCF Challengers’ Cup. Unfortunately for them, Lewiston Clark thought of themselves as River Valley’s rivals, and they sought to prove it — by denying River Valley the chance to qualify to the Challengers’ Cup. Their ultradefensive posture, playing almost explicitly for the draw that could cost their opponents dearly, worked to perfection, infuriating River Valley players, coaching staff, and supporters after the match. Meanwhile, Railyards took care of business against a weak opponent, and they surpassed rivals River Valley for that final Challengers’ Cup spot. River Valley, the oldest team in the nation, may not have considered newcomers Lewiston Clark to be their rivals before the season, but there’s certainly bad blood between them now, even if they can content themselves with a trophy and a Cup Winners’ Cup berth. Meanwhile, Railyards’s IFCF qualification passed Sanford’s Vilitan Cove Invitational nomination to cup semifinalists Northern, earning the sixth-placed squad a chance at international football despite losing a dead rubber to a Martin Luther side that wanted to ensure its almost-certain Challengers’ Cup spot. That left only one match, which just so happened to be the biggest one of all: Sanford Falls PREMIER–Baptists. Nineteen-year-old striker Dave Gullickson scored in the eighteenth minute to put the hosts ahead, and then Tommy Sanford’s flashy, attack-minded team did something it had barely done all season long: defend. The team had the second-worst defensive record in the league, but all that counted was ensuring Baptists wouldn’t put two past them on their home field, and they succeeded at just that. Baptists players collapsed on the pitch at the sound of the final whistle, while those of Sanford Falls PREMIER erupted in jubilation. Sanford Falls PREMIER are now the inaugural winners of the Sanford PREMIER League.

  Sanford PREMIER League  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts                                          
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER    14    9   2   3    43   25  +18    29    —   4–4  1–0  3–0  5–1  2–1  6–2  9–3   Champions’ League & Copa de Campeones
2 Martin Luther            14    6   6   2    30   21   +9    24   2–0   —   3–0  3–3  3–0  2–0  1–1  2–0   Challengers’ Cup
3 Baptists                 14    6   5   3    19   15   +4    23   3–2  4–1   —   3–3  1–0  2–1  0–0  2–0   Challengers’ Cup
4 Railyards                14    6   3   5    27   24   +3    21   0–2  2–2  1–0   —   3–1  0–1  1–0  2–3   Challengers’ Cup
5 River Valley             14    6   3   5    19   23   −4    21   3–1  3–3  2–2  1–3   —   1–0  2–1  3–1   Cup Winners’ Cup
6 Northern                 14    5   2   7    15   17   −2    17   3–3  1–0  0–0  4–3  0–1   —   3–0  1–0   Vilitan Cove Invitational
7 Lewiston Clark           14    2   4   8    11   21  −10    10   1–2  0–1  1–1  0–2  0–0  2–0   —   1–2
8 Corn Palace              14    3   1  10    16   34  −18    10   2–3  3–3  0–1  1–4  0–1  1–0  0–2   —

[Greater Sanford]

Sanford PREMIER League — Season One Awards

At the conclusion of the first season of the Sanford PREMIER League, two teams were recognized for their achievements on the pitch throughout the year — Sanford PREMIER League champions Sanford Falls PREMIER and Sanford PREMIER Cup champions River Valley, respectively — but their accomplishments, and those of other teams, are only made possible by the individuals who are a part of those teams. We know that’s as true in football as it is at a local community business like PREMIER Bank and PREMIER BankCard, and that’s why we’re proud to present a series of awards that will highlight the beautiful power of individuals.

We’ll be revealing our selections for our PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI, a sort of team of the season comprising the best of the best at each position on the pitch, as well as our full PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII, for players who had exemplary seasons but just missed the cut. We’ll then present our PREMIER BankCard Platinum Awards: four individual awards for some of the most talented players and managers in Sanford today. Finally, the members of our PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII will take to the pitch together for a special match against a top-ranked foreign club in the first PREMIER BankCard Trophy!

The rules for the PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI are simple: be the best at your position! Influenced by the so-called horizontal 2–7–2 that is popular in Sanford, the team will comprise of one fullback or wingback and one wide midfielder or winged forward on each side of the pitch, plus one goalkeeper, two centre backs, one defensive and one attacking midfielder, and one striker down the middle. That leaves the eleventh spot open for whichever player not already selected would improve the team most. The other seven members of the PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII will be composed of one goalkeeper and two each of defenders, midfielders, and forwards. To be eligible, a player must be a regular starter for their club at their position, and all clubs must be represented by at least one player in the Gold XVIII.

So, without further ado, let’s kick things off immediately. With the league’s best save percentage this season, Northern’s Doug Barry is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI goalkeeper!

Not just a replacement for Sanford Falls PREMIER signing Andrew Edel, and not just an upgrade, but perhaps the best centreback in the league, Baptists’s Emma Spitznagel is our first selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI centre back!

The standout performer on the back line for an underdog squad that conceded the second-fewest goals in the league, Northern’s Brendan Amundson is our second selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI centre back!

Not only a contributor to the best defensive record in the league but also his team’s only true wide player on the left, Baptists’s Don Larson is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI left back!

A player who supplied service from deep with an assortment of devastating passes and the most accurate crosses in the league, Sanford Falls PREMIER’s Justin Broin is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI right back!

A steadying presence who shielded the backline, was a primary playmaker despite playing from deep in midfield, and captained her club to a resounding cup championship, River Valley’s Bethany Meierhenry is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI defensive midfielder!

The primary creative pivot for what was far and away the league’s most devastating attack, Sanford Falls PREMIER’s Jenny Frederickson is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI attacking midfielder!

An all-around forward comfortable playing outside or in, evidenced by his status among the top five of both the goals and assists charts this season, Sanford Falls PREMIER’s Mason Clark is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI left winger!

Having topped the league’s goalscoring charts despite playing on the wing, fueling his team’s attack to the effect of nearly a full goal per match more prolific than the next-best team, Sanford Falls PREMIER’s Chuck Dow is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI right winger!

Perhaps the best out-and-out goalscorer in the league, who spearheaded the league’s second-best offense and captained the league’s second-best team, Martin Luther’s Paul Olsen is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI striker!

The primary creative force driving an attack that had no peers outside the city of Sanford Falls, Railyards attacking midfielder James Wentzy is our selection for PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI player XI!

Rounding out our PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII are seven additional worthy players: as a reserve goalkeeper, Baptists goalkeeper Jerry Matthius; as reserve defenders, Martin Luther centre back Mary vanDorn and Lewiston Clark centre back Chris Hunhoff; as reserve midfielders, Railyards defensive midfielder John Kurtenbach and Corn Palace right wing midfielder Mary Rumelhart; and as reserve forwards, Railyards striker Richard Marking and Martin Luther right wing forward Benny Graham!

So, we now know the players who comprise our first PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI and our first PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII — but who will take home the most prestigious honors of all?

First, the identities of the winners of two awards have been known since the day the Sanford PREMIER League season ended. Having recorded six clean sheets over the course of the season, more than any other goalkeeper, the first winner of the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Glove is Martin Luther’s Tony Detlie!

Interestingly, the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Glove winner does not feature among the PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI or even the PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII, as Doug Barry and Jerry Matthius — the two other goalkeepers to preserve five clean sheets in the league — won those honors. Detlie was quite inconsistent, as he kept six clean sheets but conceded at least three goals in five other matches, including shipping four goals in both away matches against Martin Luther’s two derby rivals. This award is a recognition of Detlie’s great potential — but the fact that he was left off the Sanford PREMIER League roster for the PREMIER BankCard Trophy is a recognition of how much he still has left to grow.

Next, having scored more goals than any other player in the Sanford PREMIER League, the first winner of the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Boot is Sanford Falls PREMIER right wing forward Chuck Dow! Sanford Falls PREMIER’s attack was nothing short of dominant this season, and Dow’s incisive runs into the box, remarkable quality from distance, and pure finishing class — as well as plenty of service from a stellar collection of teammates — allowed him to claim the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Boot all for himself.

The first PREMIER BankCard Titanium Manager is Baptists’s Devin Brewster. He achieved enviable success with an unfancied group of players, maintaining a remarkable defensive solidity that was greater than the sum of its parts and which pushed eventual champions Sanford Falls PREMIER to its very limit. In charge of the only team that defied the 2–7–2 norm in Sanford, Brewster tactically zigged where other managers zagged, and it came incredibly close to paying off in the form of the first Sanford PREMIER League trophy. Instead, the PREMIER BankCard Trophy will have to do.

Finally, one award is the most anticipated of all. Among eighty-eight candidates, many of them with sterling performances, one person has stood out as the best and fairest player in the league over the course of the entire season. The first winner of the PREMIER BankCard Diamond Ball is Sanford Falls PREMIER left wing forward Mason Clark! Clark finished joint-fourth in the league’s goals scored tally and second in the league’s assists tally, evidence of his role in every facet of potentially the best attacking force Sanfordan football has ever seen and of his absolutely vital importance to that historic team performance. At just twenty-three years old, the rest of the league will surely shudder to consider the impact Mason Clark can, and surely will, have in Sanford. This award may be Clark’s first of many.

The PREMIER BankCard Gold XVIII, the PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI, and the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Manager were then invited to participate in the first PREMIER BankCard Trophy, a match against Sanford Der Berg PREMIER FK of Zeta Reka & Hügeltaldom! Unfortunately, the collective power of the Sanford PREMIER League was not enough to match that of the Esportivan club owned by David A. Sanford, the nephew of Sanford Falls PREMIER owner and PREMIER Bank and PREMIER BankCard founder T. Denny Sanford.

PREMIER BankCard Platinum XI 1–3 Sanford Der Berg PREMIER FK
PXI: Paul Olsen 56’
SDB: Trevor Cathburt 23’, Marko Opština 44’, Wladmir Kanić 78’

[Greater Sanford]

✹ June ✹

Inaugural Copa Pavola, Opening Round
Martin Luther 3–0 Vreton City FC (BOL)
Libertas Bergheim (SVJ) 3–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Inaugural Copa Pavola, Second Round
Martin Luther 0–2 GT Molding (GRÆ)
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–0 (a.e.t., 0–0 f.t., 5–6 p.) KX Adaxa (TXA)

Inaugural Copa Pavola, Third Round
Martin Luther 1–2 FC Pesari (SOR)
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Inter Catrallo (SOR)

Inaugural Copa Pavola, Final Round, Confrontation for Thirteenth
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–1 KF Huxabe (TXA)

Inaugural Copa Pavola, Final Round, Confrontation for Seventh
Martin Luther 4–3 Hagejoki (GRÆ)

“Are you familiar with the boa constrictor, David?” David A. Sanford was here to visit D. Tommy Sanford, the richest man in Sanford — and his uncle. Tommy greeted his nephew, but his gaze seemed more intently focused on a glass of what looked, perhaps, like whiskey than his visitor.

“Can’t say that I am.”

David’s response was met with a sigh. “Ah, what a creature. Shame this isn’t their natural habitat. As a matter of fact, there’s only one boa constrictor living in all of Sanford.”

“Oh? Is that at the zoo, then?”

“No. You’re looking at him.” Tommy set down his glass and, finally, looked squarely at his kin. He maintained eye contact with David until it became noticeably uncomfortable. “What do you think it is that I do, David? I find my competition, and I make it my prey. I make it my plaything. I crush the life out of it, slowly, methodically, and I keep squeezing until we both know it’s over, until all I’m doing is prolonging the misery, and yet I keep squeezing. Now, ask yourself: why is that?”

“I— I don’t know, Uncle.”

“Well, I’ll tell you why.” Tommy leaned forward. “It’s because in the animal kingdom, creatures must feast on others or die. You have to have that killer instinct. If you don’t, there’s no way you can survive— doing what I do, being who I am. And so football’s exactly like the rest of it. I assemble the finest roster of talent in the entire country, signing every other club’s stars and best players to give me the title in our first year in charge.

“But we weren’t ruthless enough. Our defense was mediocre, and we didn’t get enough goals in, either. So I get rid of every defensive starter we had and replace our striker with a man who’s won a Champions’ Cup, two Cup Winners’ Cups, four Härlighet Ligans, and eighteen other trophies and awards over the years. His trophy cabinet alone’s more impressive than the combined achievements of the rest of the entire league put together.

“We’d win a league title without Arrowsword, sure; we’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again. But with someone like that? With someone like that, it’s over. As soon as we have our grip, it’s done. There’s nothing you can do.” Tommy smirked, with a fire burning behind his eyes, betraying a twisted sort of delight. David was scared.

“Struggling to keep your airways open, struggling to continue to breathe— it only delays the inevitable.”

[Greater Sanford]

✹ July ✹

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Extra Preliminary Round, First Leg
Martin Luther 2–2 Blasting Beach (QGP)
Beiyun Stars (YZH) 1–3 Baptists
Eastburg United (WRL) 2–1 Railyards

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Extra Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Blasting Beach (QGP) 0–1 (2–3 agg.) Martin Luther
Baptists 2–1 (5–2 agg.) Beiyun Stars (YZH)
Railyards 0–3 (1–5 agg.) Eastburg United (WRL)

Seventh IFCF Champions League, First Preliminary Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–0 AC Lopel (ACH)
Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, First Preliminary Round, First Leg
Baptists 1–1 Cyrene Bay (OAM)
Wanda Island Wanderers (AFT) 2–2 Martin Luther

Seventh IFCF Champions League, First Preliminary Round, Second Leg
AC Lopel (ACH) 1–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, First Preliminary Round, First Leg
Cyrene Bay (OAM) 3–0 (4–1 agg.) Baptists
Martin Luther 1–1 ([a] 3–3 agg.) Wanda Island Wanderers (AFT)

Seventh IFCF Champions League, Second Preliminary Round, First Leg
Catrallo Calcio (SOR) 4–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Preliminary Round, First Leg
Martin Luther 1–1 Cyrene Bay (OAM)

✹ August ✹

Seventh IFCF Champions League, First Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 (1–6 agg.) Catrallo Calcio (SOR)
Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, First Preliminary Round, First Leg
Cyrene Bay (OAM) 0–2 (1–3 agg.) Martin Luther

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Preliminary Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–0 Rammsissil (VIL)
Martin Luther 1–1 Ogroven Vanguardi FK (ZRH)

Matchday One
Beadle-Normal 1–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Corn Palace 1–0 River Valley
Lewiston Clark 2–0 Railyards
Martin Luther 1–0 Northern
Off: Baptists

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Rammsissil (VIL) 0–1 (0–3 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER
Ogroven Vanguardi FK (ZRH) 2–1 (2–3 agg.) Martin Luther

Matchday Two
Railyards 2–1 Martin Luther
River Valley 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–1 Corn Palace
Baptists 1–1 Beadle-Normal
Off: Northern

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, First Leg
Chromatik (CMT) 3–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER

✹ September ✹

Matchday Three
Corn Palace 0–0 Baptists
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Martin Luther 2–1 River Valley
Northern 3–3 Railyards
Off: Beadle-Normal

Seventh IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–2 (0–5 agg.) Chromatik (CMT)

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday One

Group A
Corn Palace 3-4 Martin Luther
Off: Railyards

Group B
Beadle-Normal 2-2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Baptists

Group C
Lewiston Clark 1-1 River Valley
Off: Northern

Matchday Four
River Valley 0–1 Northern
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 Martin Luther
Baptists 2–2 Lewiston Clark
Beadle-Normal 1–4 Corn Palace
Off: Railyards

Matchday Five
Lewiston Clark 0–0 Beadle-Normal
Martin Luther 0–1 Baptists
Northern 0–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 0–0 River Valley
Off: Corn Palace

Fifty-Fifth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, First Leg
River Valley 2–1 Acoflosa United (MRC)

✹ October ✹

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday Two

Group A
Railyards 3-3 Corn Palace
Off: Martin Luther

Group B
Baptists 2-1 Beadle-Normal
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Group C
Northern 1-0 Lewiston Clark
Off: River Valley

Matchday Six
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–3 Railyards
Baptists 0–1 Northern
Beadle-Normal 0–4 Martin Luther
Corn Palace 3–0 Lewiston Clark
Off: River Valley

Fifty-Fifth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Acoflosa United (MRC) 1–1 (2–3 agg.) River Valley

Matchday Seven
Martin Luther 3–3 Corn Palace
Northern 0–1 Beadle-Normal
Railyards 1–2 Baptists
River Valley 0–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Lewiston Clark

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday Three

Group A
Martin Luther 3-2 Railyards
Off: Corn Palace

Group B
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3-4 Baptists
Off: Beadle-Normal

Group C
River Valley 0-2 Northern
Off: Lewiston Clark

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. A  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Martin Luther            2    2   0   0     7    5   +2     6
 2 Corn Palace              2    0   1   1     6    7   -1     1
 3 Railyards                2    0   1   1     5    6   -1     1

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. B  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Baptists                 2    2   0   0     6    4   +2     6
 2 Sanford Falls PREMIER    2    0   1   1     5    6   −1     1
 3 Beadle-Normal            2    0   1   1     3    4   −1     1

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. C  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Northern                 2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 2 Lewiston Clark           2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
 3 River Valley             2    0   1   1     1    3   −2     1

SPC Quarterfinals         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
C1 Northern                 2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
A1 Martin Luther            2    2   0   0     7    5   +2     6
B1 Baptists                 2    2   0   0     6    4   +2     6
A2 Corn Palace              2    0   1   1     6    7   -1     1
B2 Sanford Falls PREMIER    2    0   1   1     5    6   −1     1
A3 Railyards                2    0   1   1     5    6   -1     1
B3 Beadle-Normal            2    0   1   1     3    4   −1     1
C2 Lewiston Clark           2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
C3 River Valley             2    0   1   1     1    3   −2     1

Twelfth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, First Leg
1912 Stelburg (STL) 2–0 Northern

Matchday Eight
Baptists 3–0 River Valley
Beadle-Normal 2–4 Railyards
Corn Palace 2–2 Northern
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Martin Luther
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Twelfth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Northern 3–0 (3–2 agg.) 1912 Stelburg (STL)

✹ November ✹

Matchday Nine
Northern 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Railyards 3–1 Corn Palace
River Valley 1–0 Beadle-Normal
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Baptists
Off: Martin Luther

Sanford PREMIER League    Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Railyards                8    4   2   2    16   12   +4    14
 2 Corn Palace              8    3   4   1    15   10   +5    13
 3 Martin Luther            8    4   1   3    13    9   +4    13
 4 Baptists                 8    3   4   1    11    7   +4    13
 5 Northern                 8    3   2   3     8    8    0    11
 6 Lewiston Clark           8    3   2   3     6    7   −1    11
 7 Sanford Falls PREMIER    8    2   3   3     9   10   −1     9
 8 River Valley             8    2   2   4     3    7   −4     8
 9 Beadle-Normal            8    1   2   5     6   17  −11     5

Twelfth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Round of Sixteen, First Leg
Northern 1–2 Avanaroch White Wings FC (TKT)

Twelfth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Round of Sixteen, Second Leg
Avanaroch White Wings FC (TKT) 3–0 (5–1 agg.) Northern

✹ December ✹

Fifty-Fifth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, First Round, First Leg
Gunzlach (GRF) 1–1 River Valley

Fifty-Fifth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, First Round, Second Leg
River Valley 0–1 (1–2 agg.) Gunzlach (GRF)

[Greater Sanford]

✹ January ✹

Fifty-Third Rushmori Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Lagostim (CBZ) 4–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Fifty-Third Rushmori Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–0 (3–4 agg.) Lagostim (CBZ)

✹ February ✹

Matchday Ten
Sanford Falls PREMIER 7–3 Beadle-Normal
River Valley 0–0 Corn Palace
Railyards 0–1 Lewiston Clark
Northern 1–2 Martin Luther
Off: Baptists

Matchday Eleven
Martin Luther 4–1 Railyards
Lewiston Clark 0–0 River Valley
Corn Palace 0–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Beadle-Normal 1–0 Baptists
Off: Northern

✹ March ✹

Matchday Twelve
Baptists 1–1 Corn Palace
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–3 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 1–0 Martin Luther
Railyards 2–2 Northern
Off: Beadle-Normal

Matchday Thirteen
Northern 2–0 River Valley
Martin Luther 0–4 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Lewiston Clark 1–1 Baptists
Corn Palace 1–2 Beadle-Normal
Off: Railyards

Cup Semifinals
Northern 1-2 Corn Palace
Martin Luther 3-3p Baptists (2-2 f.t., 4-5 p.)

Matchday Fourteen
Beadle-Normal 1–2 Lewiston Clark
Baptists 2–2 Martin Luther
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Northern
River Valley 0–5 Railyards
Off: Corn Palace

✹ April ✹

Matchday Fifteen
Railyards 2–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Northern 0–1 Baptists
Martin Luther 1–0 Beadle-Normal
Lewiston Clark 2–2 Corn Palace
Off: River Valley

Matchday Sixteen
Corn Palace 0–2 Martin Luther
Beadle-Normal 1–1 Northern
Baptists 4–3 Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 River Valley
Off: Lewiston Clark

Matchday Seventeen
River Valley 0–1 Baptists
Railyards 7–0 Beadle-Normal
Northern 0–1 Corn Palace
Martin Luther 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Sanford PREMIER League    Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Martin Luther           16    9   2   5    25   18   +7    29
 2 Sanford Falls PREMIER   15    8   4   3    30   19  +11    28
 3 Baptists                15    6   7   2    21   15   +6    25
 4 Railyards               15    6   3   6    36   26  +10    21
 5 Lewiston Clark          15    5   6   4    15   15    0    21
 6 Corn Palace             15    4   7   4    20   18   +2    19
 7 Northern                15    4   4   7    15   17   −2    16
 8 River Valley            15    3   4   8     4   16  −12    13
 9 Beadle-Normal           15    3   3   9    14   36  −22    12

[Greater Sanford]

✹ April ✹

Sanford PREMIER Cup Final
Baptists 1-2 Corn Palace

Matchday Eighteen
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Northern
Corn Palace 0–3 Railyards
Beadle-Normal 1–0 River Valley
Baptists 0–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Martin Luther

Sanford PREMIER League    Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Sanford Falls PREMIER   16    8   5   3    30   19  +11    29
 2 Martin Luther           16    9   2   5    25   18   +7    29
 3 Baptists                16    6   8   2    21   15   +6    26
 4 Railyards               16    7   3   6    39   26  +13    24
 5 Lewiston Clark          16    6   6   4    16   15   +1    24
 6 Corn Palace             16    4   7   5    20   21   −1    19
 7 Northern                16    4   4   8    15   18   −3    16
 8 Beadle-Normal           16    4   3   9    15   36  −21    15
 9 River Valley            16    3   4   9     4   17  −13    13

[Greater Sanford]

✹ June ✹

Second Copa Pavola, Opening Round
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–2 Red Star Karora (NYK)
RLSK Pawlograd (SVJ) 1–0 Martin Luther

Second Copa Pavola, Second Round
ESK Storevik (SVJ) 1–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER (1–1 f.t.)
Beian City (YZH) p0–0 Martin Luther (0–0 f.t., 5–4 p.)

Second Copa Pavola, Third Round
Parakleion Firebirds FC (TKT) 2–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Pro Stampano (SOR) 2–1 Martin Luther

Second Copa Pavola, Final Round, Confrontation for Fifteenth
(NYK) Red Star Karora (NYK) 1–2 Martin Luther (1–1 f.t.)

Second Copa Pavola, Final
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–1 Maigburg (GRÆ)

✹ July ✹

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Railyards 2–1 Cherrygrove City (SAL)
Baptists 2–2 Bartholomew FC (BRP)

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Cherrygrove City (SAL) 1–2 (2–4 agg.) Railyards
Bartholomew FC (BRP) 0–2 (2–4 agg.) Baptists

Eighth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–2 FK Vselitamak (PYA)

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
Martin Luther 2–0 Kota Lama Ranger (SHT)
Railyards 0–1 Montreal Koreana (QUE)
Baptists 4–3 Navel FC (WRL)

[pre]Eighth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
FK Vselitamak (PYA) 1–1 (3–1 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Kota Lama Ranger (SHT) 1–2 (1–4 agg.) Martin Luther
Montreal Koreana (QUE) 3–2 (4–2 agg.) Railyards
Navel FC (WRL) 0–1 (3–5 agg.) Baptists

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, First Leg
Baptists 1–2 102d Jr.s (ZWZ)
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 United Philibiscostal (OME)
Martin Luther 2–1 Pesetih Titih (PCU)

✹ August ✹

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, Second Leg
102d Jr.s (ZWZ) 2–0 (4–1 agg.) Baptists
United Philibiscostal (OME) 2–2 (2–3 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER
Pesetih Titih (PCU) 4–1 (5–3 agg.) Martin Luther

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–0 Gallant Cross (BRE)

Matchday One
Baptists 0–2 Railyards
Northern 3–2 Lewiston Clark
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–5 Corn Palace
Beadle-Normal 2–3 Martin Luther

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Gallant Cross (BRE) 1–0 (1–4 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Two
Corn Palace 4–3 Beadle-Normal
Lewiston Clark 0–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 5–3 Northern
River Valley 0–0 Baptists

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Advance Alara (KOR)

✹ September ✹

Matchday Three
Northern 0–1 River Valley
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–4 Railyards
Beadle-Normal 0–1 Lewiston Clark
Martin Luther 0–0 Corn Palace

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Advance Alara (KOR) 0–1 (2–3 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday One

Group A
Baptists 0–1 Beadle-Normal
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Group B
Northern 1–2 Lewiston Clark
Off: Corn Palace

Group C
Railyards 2–1 River Valley
Off: Martin Luther

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Canbix Muses (ZWZ)

Matchday Four
Lewiston Clark 3–3 Martin Luther
Railyards 3–4 Beadle-Normal
River Valley 1–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Baptists 0–2 Northern

Eighth IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, Second Leg
Canbix Muses (ZWZ) 2–1 (4–3 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Five
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Baptists
Beadle-Normal 2–1 River Valley
Martin Luther 2–3 Railyards
Corn Palace 0–0 Lewiston Clark

Fifty-Sixth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Starlight Boulevard FC (SQR) 1–1 Corn Palace

✹ October ✹

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday Two

Group A
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 Baptists
Off: Beadle-Normal

Group B
Corn Palace 1–2 Northern
Off: Lewiston Clark

Group C
Martin Luther 1–4 Railyards
Off: River Valley

Matchday Six
Railyards 1–3 Corn Palace
River Valley 2–3 Martin Luther
Baptists 2–2 Beadle-Normal
Northern 1–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Fifty-Sixth IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 0–0 (0–0 f.t., 3–0 p.) (1–1p agg.) Starlight Boulevard FC (SQR)

Matchday Seven
Beadle-Normal 0–0 Northern
Martin Luther 0–1 Baptists
Corn Palace 2–3 River Valley
Lewiston Clark 0–3 Railyards

Cup Quarterfinals, Matchday Three

Group A
Beadle-Normal 1–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Baptists

Group B
Lewiston Clark 1–3 Corn Palace
Off: Northern

Group C
River Valley 3–4 Martin Luther (2–2 f.t.)
Off: Railyards

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. A   Pld   W  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER      2   1  1    4   3  +1    3
2 Baptists                   2   1  1    2   2   0    3
3 Beadle-Normal              2   1  1    2   3  −1    3

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. B   Pld   W  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Corn Palace                2   1  1    4   3  +1    3
2 Northern                   2   1  1    3   3   0    3
3 Lewiston Clark             2   1  1    3   4  −1    3

SPC Quarterfinals Grp. C   Pld   W  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Railyards                  2   2  0    6   2  +4    6
2 Martin Luther              2   1  1    5   7  −2    3
3 River Valley               2   0  2    4   6  −2    0

Thirteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, First Leg
FC Capri (VAL) 1–2 Northern

Matchday Eight
River Valley 0–1 Lewiston Clark
Baptists 0–0 Corn Palace
Northern 1–0 Martin Luther
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Beadle-Normal

Thirteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Northern 0–1 (0–1 f.t., 3–4 p.) (2–2p agg.) FC Capri (VAL)

✹ November ✹

Matchday Nine
Martin Luther 0–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Corn Palace 4–2 Northern
Lewiston Clark 1–1 Baptists
Railyards 4–2 River Valley

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Railyards                   8    5   1   2    25   18   +7    16
 2 Corn Palace                 8    4   3   1    18   12   +6    15
 3 Sanford Falls PREMIER       8    2   5   1    17   15   +2    11
 4 Northern                    8    3   2   3    12   13   −1    11
 5 Lewiston Clark              8    2   3   3     8   12   −4     9
 6 Beadle-Normal               8    2   3   3    15   16   −1     9
 7 Baptists                    8    1   5   2     6    9   −3     8
 8 Martin Luther               8    2   2   4    11   14   −3     8
 9 River Valley                8    2   2   4    10   13   −3     8

✹ December ✹

“Boss, I can’t lie, I’m worried.”

“Worried? Come on now. Why would you be worried? You said you could turn things around, right?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Well, then what’s to worry about?”

Vanza-Jerat Gep grimaced. “After this team’s first season, you got rid of its entire backline and its starting goalkeeper and defensive midfielder, plus its striker. After its second season, you sacked the manager. Both seasons, we’d won the league, but you evidently didn’t feel we had been convincing enough. And now here I am, in my first season of management, knowing full I’m not your first choice, after you went after Marcus Waters, and Rodolfo Zelaya, and Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips, and we’re third in the table.”

D. Tommy Sanford put down his drink, sat down, and looked his manager right in the eye. “Look, you got us to the Copa Pavola final, and you eliminated both of the inaugural finalists on your way there. It may not have been massively prestigious, but you got us within a match of our first — Sanford’s first, this country’s first — international trophy. Last season, we finished thirteenth out of sixteen. That’s a considerable improvement.

“We got eliminated from the Champions League right off the bat? Well, you hadn’t had any truly competitive fixtures yet to integrate with your squad, and you steered us all the way to the playoff round in the Challengers Cup, just one fixture away from this country’s first appearance in an IFCF group stage, and you managed to thrash a team from Brenecia four-nil in the process. That’s impressive work.

“The league? We may be third now, but we were seventh last season at the midway mark, and we rallied to win the title. A few stumbles at the beginning were to be expected, since you’re just starting out, not only with this team, but with management, being truly in charge of a team, as a whole. I’m sure you’ll find your footing, just as we did last year.

“And let’s not forget the cup! This team has never progressed beyond the very first round. It's been possible to be eliminated from it, in either format, yet we’ll be playing in the semifinals in the new year. We’ve got a home match against Corn Palace — and I don’t care they’ve had an awfully lucky first half; how hard can that be? — and then a final against Railyards or at home against Northern.

“I’m not an unreasonable man, and I don’t have unreasonable expectations for you. You’re just starting out. And you’re doing great. You’ll certainly be here in the spring, and for many more after that, I might say.”

Gep was visibly relieved. “It means a lot to hear you say that, sir. Truly.”

D. Tommy Sanford smiled. “Of course. I can’t wait to see how many trophies we’ll win together.”

✹ January ✹

Fifty-Fourth Rushmori Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Catrallo Calcio (SOR) 1–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Fifty-Fourth Rushmori Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 (2–1 agg.) Catrallo Calcio (SOR)

✹ February ✹

Matchday Ten
Railyards 1–2 Baptists
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Northern
Corn Palace 2–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Martin Luther 2–1 Beadle-Normal

Fifty-Fourth Rushmori Copa de Campeones, First Round, First Leg
Metropolis Alligators (VLD) 2–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Eleven
Beadle-Normal 2–1 Corn Palace
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Northern 2–1 Railyards
Baptists 1–0 River Valley

Fifty-Fourth Rushmori Copa de Campeones, First Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–1 (0–3 agg.) Metropolis Alligators (VLD)

✹ March ✹

Matchday Twelve
River Valley 1–0 Northern
Railyards 2–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Beadle-Normal
Corn Palace 4–3 Martin Luther

Matchday Thirteen
Martin Luther 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Beadle-Normal 1–2 Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–2 River Valley
Northern 0–1 Baptists

Cup Semifinals
Railyards 4–3 Northern
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–1p Corn Palace (1–1 f.t., 2–4 p.)

Matchday Fourteen
Baptists 1–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
River Valley 1–2 Beadle-Normal
Railyards 1–2 Martin Luther
Lewiston Clark 2–3 Corn Palace

✹ April ✹

Matchday Fifteen
Corn Palace 3–2 Railyards
Martin Luther 3–1 River Valley
Beadle-Normal 0–1 Baptists
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Northern

Matchday Sixteen
Northern 2–1 Beadle-Normal
Baptists 2–4 Martin Luther
River Valley 1–1 Corn Palace
Railyards 2–2 Lewiston Clark

Matchday Seventeen
Lewiston Clark 0–0 River Valley
Corn Palace 1–0 Baptists
Martin Luther 1–2 Northern
Beadle-Normal 2–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                15    8   5   2    33   24   +9    29
 2 Sanford Falls PREMIER      15    6   7   2    29   24   +5    25
 3 Northern                   15    7   2   6    20   20    0    23
 4 Railyards                  15    7   2   6    36   31   +5    23
 5 Martin Luther              15    7   2   6    27   25   +2    23
 6 Baptists                   15    5   5   5    14   17   −3    20
 7 Beadle-Normal              16    5   4   7    26   28   −2    19
 8 River Valley               15    3   4   8    16   23   −7    13
 9 Lewiston Clark             15    2   5   8    14   23   −9    11

“And the scenes here at the Discovery Archeodome are amazing! Corn Palace has done it! Corn Palace has really done it! With a Gullickson goal in McGovern, against their Sanford Falls rivals Baptists and the best defense in the league, coupled with Beadle-Normal holding Sanford Falls PREMIER to a draw today in Mundt, Corn Palace are your new champions of the Sanford PREMIER League!

“The three thousand fans in gold and black feel like much more, and their voices are augmented by the frenzy outside the stadium, with perhaps even thousands unable to get in the doors for this historic night. It seems as though every single person in this town of just fifteen thousand is here, and everyone in the nation understands just what a momentous moment this is.

“What a turnaround for this club, and what a job manager Frank Vehle and this entire squad have accomplished. The team that finished bottom of the league in its first modern iteration, then managed to win the cup in its second year, has now won the league and has a chance to defend its cup title. It could even be the first team to ever win two national trophies in the same season in the history of Sanfordan football. Who knew that the first club to win the league title before the last matchday of the season wouldn’t be D. Tommy Sanford’s pet project, Sanford Falls PREMIER, or the other Sanford Falls sides, Martin Luther or Baptists, or even the traditional national heavyweights, River Valley or Railyards, but humble Corn Palace!

“And what a moment for young Dave Gullickson, just twenty-one years old and already with two league titles and one cup title under his belt, but surely this moment will be the most special of them all. He was deemed surplus to requirements at Sanford Falls PREMIER, loaned out to Corn Palace to gain experience, since PREMIER thought Corn Palace wouldn’t be a threat. Instead, Gullickson won a cup title for his team, he played international football, and now he’s scored the winning goal to snatch the title away from the very club from which he’s still on loan. What a story. What a story for this entire team. Corn Palace are champions of Sanford, and nothing — absolutely nothing — can take that, and this magical moment, away from them.”

Sanford PREMIER Cup Final
Railyards 2–0 Corn Palace

Matchday Eighteen
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–3 Martin Luther
Northern 2–1 Corn Palace
Baptists 0–0 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 0–1 Railyards

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                16    8   5   3    34   26   +8    29
 2 Railyards                  16    8   2   6    37   31   +6    26
 3 Sanford Falls PREMIER      16    6   8   2    32   27   +5    26
 4 Northern                   16    8   2   6    22   21   +1    26
 5 Martin Luther              16    7   3   6    30   28   +2    24
 6 Baptists                   16    5   6   5    14   17   −3    21
 7 Beadle-Normal              16    5   4   7    26   28   −2    19
 8 River Valley               16    3   4   9    16   24   −8    13
 9 Lewiston Clark             16    2   6   8    14   23   −9    12

“I want you out.”

“Sir?”

“I want you fucking out, you fucking lowlife genderless Qusmu piece of shit!”

Vanza-Jerat Gep couldn’t believe what they were hearing. “Sir, I —”

“Save your fucking breath! Save it and go blow yourself with it, or whatever you have down there! Just get out and go fuck yourself!”

“But —”

“No, fuck you! You know what you are? You’re shit! You’re nothing more than a piece of shit!”

“Sir, this team was not crap, this season —”

“You don’t fucking get it, do you, Gep?”

“Sir —”

“Do you even know the difference between crap and shit?”

D. Tommy Sanford had stopped screaming. Gep was incredulous that he clearly expected them to answer his question, and was growing increasingly irate that they didn’t do so immediately.

“Aren’t they the same, sir?” Qusmu was Gep’s first language, but they had a firm grasp on English, and they were fairly confident of the meanings of those two particular words. “They’re both poo?”

Sanford seemed to lose his mind at this, as if he hadn’t already. “No! No, you stupid fucking idiot! Shit is worse than crap, shit is so much worse than crap. Crap is bad. Shit —” Sanford was breathing so heavily, so angrily, it seemed he was on the verge of hyperventilating. “— is fucking shit! And guess what? You’re shit! Now get the fuck out of here, get the fuck out of this fucking country, and never come fucking back!”

[Greater Sanford]

✹ June ✹

Third Copa Pavola, Opening Round
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–0 SC Jiangdong (Yue Zhou)
Carathyr Emeralds FC (Tikariot) 2–3 Corn Palace

Third Copa Pavola, Second Round
Catrallo Calcio (San Ortelio) 3–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
FC Maihar (Bollonich) 0–2 Corn Palace

Third Copa Pavola, Third Round
ESK Storevik (Savojarna) 0–1 Corn Palace
Kitaran Revolutionary FC (Nyowani Kitara) 3–4 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Third Copa Pavola, Final Round, Confrontation for Fifth
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–1 (1–1 a.e.t., 3–2 p.) Hagejoki (Græntfjall)

Third Copa Pavola, Final
Maigburg (Græntfjall) 3–0 Corn Palace

For the second consecutive year in the Copa Pavola’s short history, a Sanfordan team faced off against Maigburg. In the same summer D. Tommy Sanford was rumored to have attempted to have launched a takeover bid of the Græntfjaller club, supposedly scuttled only at the eleventh hour over concerns of the club’s toxic fan culture, Maigburg again triumphed in a shutout win, this time over Corn Palace. It was an admirable run for Sanford’s new champions, in preparation for the stiff level of competition that awaits them in the Champions League.

Meanwhile, Sanford Falls PREMIER may have finished fifth, but they, too, emerged victorious in three of their four confrontations. Their lone loss was against familiar foes Catrallo Calcio. The score was even, somewhat, after the club from San Ortelio had routed PREMIER in its first Champions League appearance in Season Two, before PREMIER secured Sanford’s first Copa de Campeones win in Season Three by edging their Pavolan foes. Round three was an entertaining affair, but it ultimately went to hosts in San Ortelio, ending PREMIER’s hopes to win a Copa Pavola they did not truly qualify for on merit. However, it might be the end of the trilogy, as San Ortelian clubs are reportedly reconsidering the financial feasibility of future international competition. If that does prove to be the case, it will be a fitting end to a worthy battle.

In a season D. Tommy Sanford and PREMIER have acquired their third club — Brenecian second-tier club Rozelle United, now Sanford PREMIER United Rozelle FC — there can be absolutely no questioning PREMIER’s ownership’s commitment to their Sanford Falls asset. After failing to win the Sanford PREMIER League for the first time, D. Tommy Sanford sold nine players in his starting XI, keeping only Falcon Case, the thirty-seven-year-old Brenecian center midfielder who won World Cup 80, and Andrew Arrowsword, the thirty-nine-year-old Cenian striker who is credited with twenty-five major club and individual honors, including Champions’ Cup 66 and Galacticos Team of the Cycle with Real Azuris in Cosumar.

An almost completely reconstructed side features eight national team players, plus a Sanfordan who would surely be on his national team if it existed. All in all, $26.5 million was spent on new purchases, all worth at least $2 million, including two players — Faraj Han and Leah McKechnie — who matched Andrew Arrowsword’s mark two cycles ago as the most expensive transfer in league history. There have been fifteen incoming transfers exceeding $1.5 million in league history. All of them were bought by Sanford Falls PREMIER, and a majority of those were bought this past window.

That does not even include the man who was the most obvious signing of the entire window in the league. Twenty-two-year-old Sanfordan striker Dave Gullickson will return to Sanford Falls after two seasons on loan at Corn Palace, where he won the Sanford PREMIER Cup in his first season and the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Boot and the Sanford PREMIER League in his second. In fact, given the fact that he was PREMIER’s striker in their inaugural title-winning season, and the fact that Case has only been a part of PREMIER for its trophyless Season Three, Gullickson has won both more Sanford PREMIER League and Sanford PREMIER Cup trophies than the entire rest of the starting lineup combined, with Arrowsword’s Season Two Sanford PREMIER League title representing the Starting XI’s only other title-winning experience in Sanford.

So, all told, PREMIER had a World Cup-winning center midfielder and a Champions’ Cup-winning striker, bought $26.5 million worth in talent, and claimed the reigning Titanium Boot winner from the defending champions for free. PREMIER has assembled an extraordinary team, but it will be an extraordinary task to attempt to help this constellation of stars shine its brightest — and the hot seat at Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium will have more pressure than a star’s core.

New manager Kurtis Rakeruth, of Nephara, will sit on that hot seat this season. Arriving from Newrook City, their philosophy puts two strikers on the pitch at a time, as accommodating both Gullickson and Arrowsword was thought to be of paramount importance to owner D. Tommy Sanford. After Dan Brescia was sacked for not winning his back-to-back league titles convincingly enough, and Vanza-Jerat Gep was sacked for finishing third last season, Rakeruth will be under no illusions: return PREMIER to their place atop the table or get the sack. PREMIER seems to have the raw talent to do it, but can they realize their potential and get it done?

Railyards are a perennially strong side, having been a traditional national power in the pre-Sanford PREMIER League days, and having qualified for IFCF football in all three seasons of the new league thus far — including a runner-up finish in the league and victory in the Sanford PREMIER Cup a season ago. The board has made it clear that they hope to go one better this year, and they have attempted to supplement their prodigious attack by bringing in a couple of signings to bolster the defense. Still, the team’s net spend was the second-lowest in the league over the past offseason. Can running it back, with a couple tweaks, be enough to solidify the team’s foothold near the top and plant its flag at the summit?

But perhaps the most intriguing team will be Corn Palace — reigning Sanford PREMIER League champions Corn Palace, that is. The team plays in front of three thousand fans, in a city of fifteen thousand. They focus on youth development and profit on resale. It had just sold its star goalkeeper. Only three of its starters were older than twenty-five. It had been the only team in the entire league with a positive net spend in the window before last season. And yet, somehow, Corn Palace emerged as Season Three champions of the Sanford PREMIER League.

Having become the first team to win the league before the final matchday, and taken part in a Sanford PREMIER Cup final in April and a Copa Pavola final in June, the team will have plenty of confidence as they approach their title defense. They return ten of eleven starters from the team that lifted the league trophy last season, and seven starters from the team that won the Sanford PREMIER Cup in Season Two. Only five players who will start on Matchday One have won the Sanford PREMIER League on multiple occasions, and two of them — center back Andy Wingert and Rick Fossum, both Sanfordan and twenty-one — play for Corn Palace.

However, the biggest question mark will be the one piece from last season which will be missing. The year after winning the Sanford PREMIER League and the PREMIER BankCard Titanium Boot, young striker Dave Gullickson left Corn Palace for Sanford Falls PREMIER. & despite Corn Palace’s emphasis on prudent, sustainable financial development, & PREMIER’s emphasis on, well, not that, Corn Palace didn’t receive a dime from the transfer. In fact, Gullickson was on loan from PREMIER. There was nothing the Kernels could do.

To replace the man who scored more goals than anyone else last season, and may well have won the minnows the title, Corn Palace spent half a million dollars to buy seventeen-year-old Cabo Azurean striker Nicodemo Corte-Real. It is truly a major risk for the club. Despite the forward’s undoubted potential, he is still very young, and the transition to a new nation and a new culture can often be disruptive for a new signing — particularly a teenager. Even without bringing any new money in, spending only $500 000 in the last window means that Corn Palace has emerged from the transfer window with the league’s lowest net spend for the second consecutive year. Will it be enough?

The club will hope Nepharan strike partner Augustine Rahn can chip in with more goals, and that they can find goals from elsewhere in the squad, too. However, Corn Palace’s system is heavily reliant on its two strikers in attack, and the club have paired thirty-two-year-old Rahn with a partner almost half his age. If Corte-Real can break out as a star and carry on where Gullickson left off, the team has the blend of experience, confidence, talent, youth, and unity to challenge for honors again. However, if Corte-Real crashes and burns, the team will likely go down with him.

✹ July ✹

Ninth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
Corn Palace 5–1 Oslograd Academy (Euran Oceania Territories)

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
AC Pomena (Juvencus) 1–2 Northern
Railyards 2–3 AS Bezieres (Valladares)
Pescam Campuhan (Pemecutan) 1–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Ninth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Oslograd Academy (Euran Oceania Territories) 4–1 (5–6 agg.) Corn Palace

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Northern 0–3 (2–4 agg.) AC Pomena (Juvencus)
AS Bezieres (Valladares) 2–5 (5–7 agg.) Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–0 (5–1 agg.) Pescam Campuham (Pemecutan)

Ninth IFCF Champions League, Second Qualifying Round, First Leg
Corn Palace 1–2 Navel Sharks (Whirl Islands)

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Sporting Praia do Emerita (Acastanha)
New Bremen FC (Commonwealth of Baker Park) 1–2 Railyards

✹ August ✹

Ninth IFCF Champions League, Second Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Navel Sharks (Whirl Islands) 2–3 (4–4 agg., 3–1 p.) Corn Palace

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Sporting Praia do Emerita (Acastanha) 0–2 (2–4 agg.) Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 1–2 (3–3 agg., 2–4 p.) New Bremen FC (Commonwealth of Baker Park)

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, First Leg
Lumineers (The Quagpire) 3–4 Corn Palace
Lhor (Chromatika) 2–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday One
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–5 Corn Palace
Martin Luther 0–1 Baptists
Railyards 2–3 River Valley
Northern 0–0 Beadle-Normal

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 1–2 (5–5 agg., 5–4 p.) Lumineers (The Quagpire)
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 (3–4 agg.) Lhor (Chromatika)

Matchday Two
River Valley 0–0 Northern
Baptists 0–1 Railyards
Corn Palace 2–1 Martin Luther
Lewiston Clark 3–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, First Leg
Porter City (Kohnhead) 0–0 Corn Palace

✹ September ✹

Matchday Three
Martin Luther 1–1 Lewiston Clark
Railyards 0–1 Corn Palace
Northern 0–2 Baptists
Beadle-Normal 1–1 River Valley

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 2–1 (2–1 agg.) Porter City (Kohnhead)

Cup First Round, Matchday One

Pod A
Beadle-Normal 3–6 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Martin Luther

Pod B
Lewiston Clark 2–2 Corn Palace
Off: Baptists

Pod C
River Valley 0–0 Railyards
Off: Northern

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, First Leg
Istria City FC (Banija) 0–2 Corn Palace

Matchday Four
Baptists 2–2 Beadle-Normal
Corn Palace 2–2 Northern
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 Martin Luther

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Playoff Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 0–2 (2–2 agg., 4–3 p.) Istria City FC (Banija)

Matchday Five
Railyards 4–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Northern 1–1 Lewiston Clark
Beadle-Normal 3–3 Corn Palace
River Valley 0–1 Baptists

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                 5    3   2   0    13   10   +3    11         —    —    —    —    —    —   2–1  2–2   — 
 2 Baptists                    5    3   1   1     6    3   +3    10         —    —    —   0–1   —   2–2   —    —    — 
 3 Lewiston Clark              4    2   2   0     6    4   +2     8         —    —    —   1–0   —    —    —    —   3–2
 4 Railyards                   5    2   0   3     7    7    0     6        0–1   —    —    —   2–3   —    —    —   4–2
 5 River Valley                4    1   2   1     4    4    0     5         —   0–1   —    —    —    —    —   0–0   — 
 6 Beadle-Normal               4    0   4   0     6    6    0     4        3–3   —    —    —   1–1   —    —    —    — 
 7 Martin Luther               4    1   1   2     4    5   −1     4         —   0–1  1–1   —    —    —    —    —    — 
 8 Northern                    5    0   4   1     3    5   −2     4         —   0–2  1–1   —    —   0–0   —    —    — 
 9 Sanford Falls PREMIER       4    0   0   4     9   14   −5     0        4–5   —    —    —    —    —   1–2   —    —

Fifty-Seventh IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Sporting Arrachai (Acastanha) 1–0 Railyards

✹ October ✹

Cup First Round, Matchday Two

Pod A
Martin Luther 1–1 Beadle-Normal
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Pod B
Baptists 1–2 Lewiston Clark
Off: Corn Palace

Pod C
Northern 1–1 River Valley
Off: Railyards

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday One
Corn Palace 1–3 KT Moreazerua (Audioslavia)

Matchday Six
Corn Palace 1–3 River Valley
Lewiston Clark 2–0 Beadle-Normal
Sanford Falls PREMIER 5–4 Northern
Martin Luther 2–1 Railyards

Fifty-Seventh IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Railyards 1–1 (1–2 agg.) Sporting Arrachai (Acastanha)

Matchday Seven
Northern 0–2 Martin Luther
Beadle-Normal 4–7 Sanford Falls PREMIER
River Valley 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Baptists 1–1 Corn Palace

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday Two
Busukuma AC (Banija) 3–2 Corn Palace

Cup First Round, Matchday Three

Pod A
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–2 Martin Luther
Off: Beadle-Normal

Pod B
Corn Palace 1–1 Baptists
Off: Lewiston Clark

Pod C
Railyards 1–3 Northern
Off: River Valley

SPC First Round Pod A      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Martin Luther              2   1  1  0    3   2  +1    4
2 Sanford Falls PREMIER      2   1  0  1    7   5  +2    3
3 Beadle-Normal              2   0  1  1    4   7  −3    1

SPC First Round Pod A      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Lewiston Clark             2   1  1  0    4   3  +1    4
2 Corn Palace                2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
3 Baptists                   2   0  1  1    2   3  −1    1

SPC First Round Pod A      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Northern                   2   1  1  0    4   2  +2    4
2 River Valley               2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
3 Railyards                  2   0  1  1    1   3  −2    1

Fourteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Avidë (Pasarga) 1–1 Martin Luther

Matchday Eight
Lewiston Clark 2–1 Baptists
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 River Valley
Martin Luther 5–3 Beadle-Normal
Railyards 1–0 Northern

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday Three
Corn Palace 1–3 FC Yassaca (Squornshelan Remnant States)

Fourteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Martin Luther 0–1 (1–2 agg.) Avidë (Pasarga)

✹ November ✹

Matchday Nine
Beadle-Normal 4–3 Railyards
River Valley 1–2 Martin Luther
Baptists 3–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Corn Palace 3–1 Lewiston Clark

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Martin Luther               8    5   1   2    15   10   +5    16         —    —   0–1  1–1   —    —   2–1  5–3   — 
 2 Corn Palace                 8    4   3   1    18   15   +3    15        2–1   —    —   3–1  1–3   —    —    —   2–2
 3 Baptists                    8    4   2   2    11    8   +3    14         —   1–1   —    —    —   3–2  0–1  2–2   — 
 4 Lewiston Clark              8    4   2   2    11    9   +2    14         —    —   2–1   —    —   3–2  1–0  2–0   — 
 5 River Valley                8    3   2   3     9    8   +1    11        1–2   —   0–1  1–0   —    —    —    —   0–0
 6 Sanford Falls PREMIER       8    3   0   5    24   25   −1     9        1–2  4–5   —    —   1–0   —    —    —   5–4
 7 Railyards                   8    3   0   5    12   13   −1     9         —   0–1   —    —   2–3  4–2   —    —   1–0
 8 Beadle-Normal               8    1   4   3    17   23   −6     7         —   3–3   —    —   1–1  4–7  4–3   —    — 
 9 Northern                    8    0   4   4     7   13   −6     4        0–2   —   0–2  1–1   —    —    —   0–0   —

Cup Playoff
Lewiston Clark 0–0 Northern

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday Four
FC Yassaca (Squornshelan Remnant States) 2–1 Corn Palace

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday Five
KT Moreazerua (Audioslavia) 3–3 Corn Palace

✹ December ✹

Ninth IFCF Challengers Cup, Group Stage, Matchday Six
Corn Palace 3–3 Busukuma AC (Banija)

   Group J                       P  W  D  L  GF  GA  GD  Pts    Bus    Yas    Mor    Cor
1  Busukuma AC             BNJ   6  3  2  1  14  12   2  11      -     1-0    1-2    3-2  
2  FC Yassaca              SRS   6  3  2  1  13   8   5  11     4-4     -     1-1    2-1
3  KT Moreazerua           AUD   6  2  2  2  10  11  -1   8     1-2    0-3     -     3-3  
4  Corn Palace             SFD   6  0  2  4  11  17  -6   2     3-3    1-3    1-3     -

✹ January ✹

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Corn Palace 2–1 Navel Sharks (Whirl Islands)

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Navel Sharks (Whirl Islands) 4–1 (5–3 agg.) Corn Palace

✹ February ✹

Matchday Ten
Corn Palace 4–4 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Baptists 1–0 Martin Luther
River Valley 2–3 Railyards
Beadle-Normal 1–2 Northern

Matchday Eleven
Northern 0–1 River Valley
Railyards 0–3 Baptists
Martin Luther 2–5 Corn Palace
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–2 Lewiston Clark

Cup Third Round
Northern 0–1 Corn Palace
River Valley 1–1 (1–1 a.e.t., 2–3 p.) Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Twelve
Lewiston Clark 0–1 Martin Luther
Corn Palace 5–2 Railyards
Baptists 0–0 Northern
River Valley 0–0 Beadle-Normal

✹ March ✹

Matchday Thirteen
Beadle-Normal 0–0 Baptists
Northern 2–1 Corn Palace
Railyards 0–1 Lewiston Clark
Martin Luther 3–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                12    6   4   2    33   25   +8    22         —    —   2–1  3–1  1–3  4–4  5–2  2–2   — 
 2 Baptists                   12    6   4   2    15    8   +7    22        1–1   —   1–0   —    —   3–2  0–1  0–0  2–2
 3 Martin Luther              12    6   2   4    21   19   +2    20        2–5  0–1   —   1–1   —   3–3  2–1   —   5–3
 4 Lewiston Clark             11    5   3   3    14   12   +2    18         —   2–1  0–1   —    —   3–2  1–0   —   2–0
 5 River Valley               11    4   3   4    12   11   +1    15         —   0–1  1–2  1–0   —    —   2–3  0–0  0–0
 6 Sanford Falls PREMIER      11    3   3   5    33   34   −1    12        4–5   —   1–2  2–2  1–0   —    —   5–4   — 
 7 Railyards                  12    4   0   8    17   24   −7    12        0–1  0–3   —   0–1  2–3  4–2   —   1–0   — 
 8 Northern                   12    2   5   5    11   16   −5    11        2–1  0–2  0–2  1–1  0–1   —    —    —   0–0
 9 Beadle-Normal              11    1   6   4    18   25   −7     9        3–3  0–0   —    —   1–1  4–7  4–3  1–2   —

Cup Pod Winners’ Semifinal
Lewiston Clark 1–0 Martin Luther

Cup Fourth Round
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–0 Corn Palace

Matchday Fourteen
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Railyards
Lewiston Clark 0–0 Northern
Corn Palace 4–3 Beadle-Normal
Baptists 0–1 River Valley

Matchday Fifteen
River Valley 2–4 Corn Palace
Beadle-Normal 1–0 Lewiston Clark
Northern 3–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 2–2 Martin Luther

✹ April ✹

Cup Elimination Semifinal
Martin Luther 1–4 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Sixteen
Martin Luther 0–2 Northern
Sanford Falls PREMIER 4–1 Beadle-Normal
Lewiston Clark 1–0 River Valley
Corn Palace 3–1 Baptists

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                15    9   4   2    44   31  +13    31         —   3–1  3–1  2–1  4–4  1–3  2–2  5–2  4–3        Champions, CL, CdC, CP
 2 Baptists                   14    6   4   4    16   12   +4    22        1–1   —    —   1–0  3–2  0–1  0–0  0–1  2–2
 3 Lewiston Clark             14    6   4   4    15   13   +2    22         —   2–1   —   0–1  3–2  1–0  0–0  1–0  2–0
 4 Martin Luther              14    6   3   5    23   23    0    21        2–5  0–1  1–1   —   3–3   —   0–2  2–1  5–3
 5 Sanford Falls PREMIER      14    5   3   6    41   39   +2    18        4–5   —   2–2  1–2   —   1–0  5–4  2–1  4–1
 6 River Valley               14    5   3   6    15   16   −1    18        2–4  0–1  1–0  1–2   —    —   0–0  2–3  0–0
 7 Northern                   15    4   6   5    16   18   −2    18        2–1  0–2  1–1  0–2  3–2  0–1   —    —   0–0
 8 Railyards                  14    4   1   9    20   28   −8    13        0–1  0–3  0–1  2–2  4–2  2–3  1–0   —    — 
 9 Beadle-Normal              14    2   6   6    23   33  −10    12        3–3  0–0  1–0   —   4–7  1–1  1–2  4–3   —

Matchday Seventeen
Baptists 2–1 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 2–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Beadle-Normal 1–3 Martin Luther
Northern 2–1 Railyards

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1 Corn Palace                15    9   4   2    44   31  +13    31         —   3–1  2–1  3–1  4–4  2–2  1–3  5–2  4–3        Champions, CL, CdC, CP
 2 Baptists                   15    7   4   4    18   13   +5    25        1–1   —   1–0  2–1  3–2  0–0  0–1  0–1  2–2        ChC
 3 Martin Luther              15    7   3   5    26   24   +2    24        2–5  0–1   —   1–1  3–3  0–2   —   2–1  5–3
 4 Lewiston Clark             15    6   4   5    16   15   +1    22         —   2–1  0–1   —   3–2  0–0  1–0  1–0  2–0
 5 Sanford Falls PREMIER      15    6   3   6    44   41   +3    21        4–5   —   1–2  2–2   —   5–4  1–0  2–1  4–1
 6 Northern                   16    5   6   5    18   19   −1    21        2–1  0–2  0–2  1–1  3–2   —   0–1  2–1  0–0
 7 River Valley               15    5   3   7    17   19   −2    18        2–4  0–1  1–2  1–0  2–3  0–0   —   2–3  0–0
 8 Railyards                  15    4   1  10    21   30   −9    13        0–1  0–3  2–2  0–1  4–2  1–0  2–3   —    — 
 9 Beadle-Normal              15    2   6   7    24   36  −12    12        3–3  0–0  1–3  1–0  4–7  1–2  1–1  4–3   —

Sanford PREMIER Cup Final
Lewiston Clark 4–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Eighteen
Railyards 5–2 Beadle-Normal
Martin Luther 2–3 River Valley
Sanford Falls PREMIER 5–2 Baptists
Lewiston Clark 2–5 Corn Palace

Sanford PREMIER League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts        CnP Bap  SFP  MLu  LwC  RvV  Nth  Ryd  BNl 
 1 Corn Palace                16   10   4   2    49   33  +16    34         —   3–1  4–4  2–1  3–1  1–3  2–2  5–2  4–3        Champions, CL, CdC, CP
 2 Baptists                   16    7   4   5    20   18   +2    25        1–1   —   3–2  1–0  2–1  0–1  0–0  0–1  2–2        ChC
 3 Sanford Falls PREMIER      16    7   3   6    49   43   +6    24        4–5  5–2   —   1–2  2–2  1–0  5–4  2–1  4–1        ChC, CP
 4 Martin Luther              16    7   3   6    28   27   +1    24        2–5  0–1  3–3   —   1–1  2–3  0–2  2–1  5–3        ChC
 5 Lewiston Clark             16    6   4   6    18   20   −2    22        2–5  2–1  3–2  0–1   —   1–0  0–0  1–0  2–0        SPC, CWC
 6 River Valley               16    6   3   7    20   21   −1    21        2–4  0–1  2–3  1–2  1–0   —   0–0  2–3  0–0
 7 Northern                   16    5   6   5    18   19   −1    21        2–1  0–2  3–2  0–2  1–1  0–1   —   2–1  0–0        VCI
 8 Railyards                  16    5   1  10    26   32   −6    16        0–1  0–3  4–2  2–2  0–1  2–3  1–0   —   5–2
 9 Beadle-Normal              16    2   6   8    26   41  −15    12        3–3  0–0  4–7  1–3  1–0  1–1  1–2  4–3   —

What happened.

That’s all PREMIER can say after another shocking season. Once again, a team full of stars and new arrivals could not jell immediately — and a dreadful start was the team’s downfall. The team played two league matches in August, two league matches in September, and one league match in November, and it lost them all. Until the league resumed for the spring half in February, it had only earned points in October. After five matchdays, it had a game in hand, but it trailed reigning champions Corn Palace by eleven points. It had a much better spring, but it was too late by that point. At the end of the fall half of the season, the club could earn a maximum of thirty-three points even if it won all its remaining fixtures in the spring. Corn Palace won the league with thirty-four.

The new strike partnership of Arrowsword and Gullickson was not to blame, as it not only matched Corn Palace for the league’s best attack, but set a new single-season scoring record for a club in the process. Instead, the team’s defense let them down, with an eye-watering forty-three goals conceded in sixteen matches, setting a new record for most goals conceded in a single season. PREMIER will need to thoroughly sort out its defense for next season if it hopes to win titles again. However, another manager, surely, will be responsible for that transformation — & perhaps very different players again, too.

And what a season Corn Palace had. After three straight seasons of league champions finishing with twenty-nine points — allowing for the fact that Season One featured two less matches per club — the Kernels won the title in the canter, smashing the league points record and setting a new record for goals scored, matched only by PREMIER. The team actually had the third-worst defense in the league, conceding more than twice per match on average, but powered by young star Nicodemo Corte-Real, the Kernels’ offense overwhelmed their opposition, putting just over three in the net per match on average.

The team became Sanford’s first to qualify for an IFCF group stage, and although it was not able to manage a win there, it did score in every match — a harbinger of what was to come, as the team scored thirty-one goals in its eight matches after being freed of international commitments. A Corn Palace player again won the Titanium Boot, but it wasn’t the departed Dave Gullickson. Instead, his young replacement, Nicodemo Corte-Real, took the gong, the Platinum Ball trophy for player of the year, and — most importantly — the league title. At just seventeen, Corn Palace’s future could be remarkable if they are able to keep ahold of their prize striker. But in McGovern, no one is paying that much mind for now. Right now, they’re basking in the moment. They’re celebrating their club being named back-to-back Sanford PREMIER League champions.

[Greater Sanford]

✹ June ✹

Fourth Copa Pavola, Opening Round
Results

Fourth Copa Pavola, Second Round
Results

Fourth Copa Pavola, Third Round
Results

Fourth Copa Pavola, Final Round, Confrontation for Nth
Results

ICly, this happened, and it was great.

But looking ahead to the domestic season, what most observers are talking about now is new squad registration rules, set to take effect for the first time this season, as part of a compromise agreed to after Season Three — in exchange, among other concessions, for Sanford Falls PREMIER to be named a permanent entry for the Copa Pavola. From now on, Sanford PREMIER League teams will have to field three Sanfordans, four Pavolans, and six Rushmoris at any given time. This has reshaped the league and its rosters, as the transfer value of Sanfordan players has skyrocketed — particularly those that deep-pocketed Sanford Falls PREMIER covet.

Sanford Falls PREMIER once again blew away the rest of the league in terms of transfer spending, with $17.10 million this summer alone — but this time, much of that money went right back into other Sanford PREMIER League teams, which completely transformed several clubs’ budgets, and may even have allowed them to recruit better players — but only if they got their transfer business right. And of course, even with all that money, PREMIER must spend it wisely if they want to return to the top step of the Sanford PREMIER League podium after two years away. Will Corn Palace defend their title? Will Sanford Falls PREMIER finally put it all together? Will another team emerge as a shock contender, like Palace itself two seasons ago? Will the Sanford PREMIER Cup go to another first-time champion, or will this be the first year a club becomes a multiple-time winner? And who will qualify for international football?

The beauty of June is that anything could still happen.

Beadle-Normal will not be very good this year. For starters, they never really have been. Sanford’s newest club, having played its first match in Season Two, they have yet to place outside the bottom third of the Sanford PREMIER League, they have yet to reach twenty points or more in a season, and they have yet to make it beyond the first round of any Sanford PREMIER Cup.

What’s more important for Beadle-Normal is getting their finances right so that they can stay on the field in the first place. Since they only joined the league in its second season, they missed out on the massive bonus payments PREMIER made to all league clubs ahead of Season One, and they were forced to make a series of mostly free transfers and loan deals just to put a team on the field. That meant that most of their players were nonsalable assets — if they were even theirs to sell in the first place. The club put an inferior product on the field for a town half the size of the next-smallest SPL city, with none of the history or generations of fandom as River Valley. Something needed to change, and fast.

Well, now it has. This year’s Beadle-Normal roster features four changes to the starting XI — tied with Sanford Falls PREMIER for the most out of any SPL club this season. Chances are, they won’t be taking the club to the gold. But they might take them out of the red. Sure, one of their starters just graduated from college and has never played professionally, and another is a nineteen-year-old who just graduated high school in Sanford, but Beadle-Normal has finally gotten its loans off its books and can focus on developing their own players, their own talent, their own assets — and perhaps this season can be the start of something special. Perhaps it can be the start of a new era.

But that special moment won’t be coming anytime this season.

Lewiston Clark is trying, they really are. The club was only created ahead of Season One of the Sanford PREMIER League, and they certainly didn’t get their pick of players the way Sanford Falls PREMIER did the same year. Just look at their club crest: a knight’s helmet, two crossed swords, their entire club name spelled out in a medieval font. They even billed themselves as a religiously-affiliated club, like several historic Sanfordan clubs. This club has been desperate to do anything they can to give themselves a veneer of history.

The problem is a half hour’s drive to the east: River Valley. That other club that plays in red actually does have a rich history — and a lot of the southern Sanfordan fans in and around Lewiston have been Valley fans for generations. Lewiston Clark is making inroads, but after four seasons of coexistence, it’s starting to look worryingly like two southern Sanfordan clubs is one too many: neither club has so far placed in the top-four IFCF spots, and although each club has won the Sanford PREMIER Cup once, they have also both won the league’s wooden spoon.

The difference is that Lewiston Clark’s cup championship came just last season, after a final against Sanford Falls PREMIER at Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium. Southern fans will finally get a taste of international football via the IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, three seasons after River Valley’s own appearance in the same competition. And if Lewiston Clark needs anything, it’s not a couple of crossed swords on the club crest or ties with the Methodist Church: it’s good, exciting football played at an international standard against the best opponents Sanford and the rest of the world have to offer. Now, they have a chance.

Instead of grasping for an imagined past, Lewiston Clark has the chance to construct a better future for the club. River Valley will always be the legacy brand in the area — but perhaps if Lewiston Clark can continue to win on the pitch, they’ll be able to win over the legitimacy, the history, and the fans they’ve always craved.

Northern is, in some ways, the opposite of Lewiston Clark. Take away the fact that they’re the third Sanfordan club to wear red. (Well, the second — Lewiston Clark’s really the third.) They’ve always been nonaffiliated with any religion. They don’t have splashy branding. They have plenty of history, but that isn’t very splashy, either. And they don’t struggle with having a rival too close: they’re both the westernmost and, by far, the northernmost team in the Sanford PREMIER League.

They also have plenty of experience on the international stage. Somehow, along with Sanford Falls PREMIER and Martin Luther, Northern is one of three Sanfordan clubs to have never failed to qualify for international football — and the only one playing (far, far) away from Sanford Falls. Somehow, Northern has entered the Vilitan Cove Invitational three of the four years Sanford has entered teams, with a top-four finish and Challengers Cup spot disqualifying them the other year. It’s an awfully long drive to Granite City from any other SPL city, and that’s perhaps in part why Northern has by far the best home-field advantage in the league, according to how successful the team has been when they’ve played at Roncalli Field compared to less friendlier confines.

That home-field advantage will be put to the test this season. Sure, Northern has one of the league’s most experienced defenses; its starting goalkeeper and backline have all been with the club since the league first started. But up front, Northern will be trusting an eighteen-year-old high school graduate and a nineteen-year-old playing football outside his home country for the first time to provide the goals, after getting rid of their previous forward line for having not done enough.

Can that be the difference? Northern’s proclivity for Vilitan Cove hints at a few trends, besides an appetite for warm weather amidst the harsh Sanfordan winter. They’ve been the best team in the Sanford PREMIER Cup not otherwise qualified for international football — or, in the one year they did qualify for the Challengers Cup, they would have been if they’d finished outside the top four — meaning they do good work in cup fixtures, but they haven’t been able to go all the way, and they’ve had more trouble with the league. A rock-solid defense can buy a few cup results, but you need goals to win trophies, and you need goals to sustain a league campaign. Much of Northern’s defensive core is approaching its prime playing years, but that means its striker pair will have to play beyond their years to take full advantage. Can they?

Railyards had always had the edges. In Season One, they may have lost in the cup final to River Valley, but they pipped their biggest rivals to fourth and a Challengers Cup berth on goal difference. In Season Two, they again earned fourth on goal difference, this time at the expense of Lewiston Clark. In Season Three, they won the cup and placed second in the league — beating Northern by a goal difference margin of five and Sanford Falls PREMIER by a single goal’s worth of difference. Every year, they earned more points in the league, and they got closer and closer to a title challenge: eight points away in Season One, then five points, then just three.

Last year, Railyards did not have any edges. They were eliminated in the first round of the cup, and they finished eighth in the league — by far their worst-ever finish. Instead of consolidating & building on their steady progress, the bottom seemed to give way. The club has not lost faith in manager Keith Natwick. Their thinking is that the man who got them to such a good point can get them back to those heights again.

However, the club seems awfully confident in their squad, too. They made only two changes to their starting XI: an eighteen-year-old youth signing to pair twenty-year-old Valery Babykin in a double pivot and a thirty-year-old fullback who cost just half a million dollars. Of course, that fullback is Larry Martinez, the Northwest Kalactin legend, and he’s coming from AC Izotz Zubia in Audioslavia, so he’s clearly not of a poor standard. But still, he’s one of five Railyards starters in their thirties, and they’re paired with two more starters who are no more than twenty. Given the age profile of the squad, and the performances last season, one could be forgiven for believing it could have been set for a rebuild, but this seems not to be Railyards’s goal — despite spending less money on incoming transfers than any other club in the league this window.

In Season Three, Railyards won the cup and were runners-up in the league. In Season Four, Railyards were eliminated from the cup at the first opportunity and were runners-up for the wooden spoon. Can the new additions spark a turnaround for the club? Can the returning players recapture their previous form? Railyards will likely need to be able to answer both questions in the affirmative to put last season behind them and return to the heights they had reached before.

Martin Luther are an interesting case study, as a team that handled a single-season blip in form well — and didn’t allow it to turn into anything more than a blip. After finishing as runners-up in the league for two consecutive years, they missed IFCF qualification in Season Three, having to settle for the Vilitan Cove Invitational instead. However, the next season, they managed to advance to within one match of the cup final and finished fourth in the league, just one point behind Baptists in second. Now, for the third time in four seasons, Martin Luther will represent Sanford in the Challengers Cup.

They’ve built much of their team on what seems to be a sustainable core, too. Ljubisa Dragicevic and Mitch Nelson are teenagers and were promoted from the youth ranks the past two seasons, while Jan Meyer and Mark Bustamante are twenty-three each and Ronald Warnock is twenty-four. The others in the starting lineup seem to be in their primes, either twenty-eight or twenty-nine — except for two players in their thirties, who each deserve special attention of their own.

At thirty-four, Paul Olsen is still a dangerous striker in the league, and he has been Martin Luther’s captain since the league began. Players like Hemmingsen, Nelson, and others are not relied upon to provide goals, just to create chances; it’s up to Olsen to finish whatever he has the chance to. So goes Olsen, so goes the club. Parker Baszler is a new addition, and he will be the only player starting at the beginning of the season who has previously started Sanford PREMIER League matches for two other clubs, as well. He will be one of the players tasked with getting the ball to places where Olsen can put it into the back of the net. However, he is a Sanfordan player, which is also important for the club, as it is only one Sanfordan above the league-mandated minimum figure of domestic players. Martin Luther need both these players to succeed in order to succeed as a team this season — but both are Sanfordan, so the club’s options could be constrained if they hoped to replace either or both of them this season.

Of course, Martin Luther will certainly hope there is no need for that — certainly not yet. The team has a solid, fairly young core, with a wily veteran talisman up front. If they can put it all together, they could certainly qualify for IFCF football yet again.

It was a monumental summer for Baptists. The club had just bounced back from a failure to qualify for IFCF places — after consecutive seasons placed higher than every other team from outside Sanford Falls — to finish second in the league. One move defined their offseason: the decision to sell their captain, Emma Spitznagel, to Sanford Falls PREMIER. Spitznagel was clearly one of the best centrebacks in the league throughout her career. She was consistently one of the league’s best players at any position. Most importantly, she was Sanfordan. With new nationality-based squad registration rules in force for the first time in Season Five, Sanford Falls PREMIER was desperate for quality Sanfordan talent to help them reach their quota, and Spitznagel could perform admirably in the PREMIER defense. After spending months negotiating the deal, it was finally announced: not only would star centreback Spitznagel move to PREMIER, but so would goalkeeper Jerry Matthius.

The move transformed Baptists’s finances. Matthius went for $4.5 million, and Spitznagel commanded a figure of $6 million. Before this summer, no domestic transfer in Sanford had ever been concluded for more than $1.5 million. Matthius’s transfer tripled that record, & Spitznagel’s quadrupled it. In fact, Spitznagel is now the record transfer for the Sanford PREMIER League. Andrew Arrowsword, Faraj Han, Leah McKechnie, and Laureline Forestier had all cost PREMIER $5 million. Only Spitznagel cost them more.

It was a brilliant piece of negotiation, concluded from an extremely strong position of clearly having some of Sanford’s best talent. But it could only succeed if the two players were replaced adequately. Baptists certainly tried, as they shattered the transfer record for any non-PREMIER club by bringing in Tommy Waluigi for $3 million, Iñaki Imabayama for $2 million, and Pierre Vasseur for $2 million. No team aside from PREMIER had paid more than $1.5 million for a player before. The previous record summer spending for any non-PREMIER club was $2.5 million. And Baptists still shattered the record for most positive net spend, finishing the summer still $3.5 million in the black. Only two teams had ever previously managed to bring in more via transfer fees than they spent in a window, and neither had managed more than a $0.2 million profit.

Spitznagel and Matthius will be extremely difficult players to replace, but Waluigi — who has since adopted what had been his last name as his mononym — Imabayama, and Vasseur will be trusted to do just that. Vasseur is an experienced, veteran striker, who can finally bring the goals Baptists had been lacking, after winning four trophies in Kelssek and plenty of individual honors along the way. At twenty-nine, Imabayama is a centreback in his prime, and he has already won league titles and been named to teams of the season in both Zeta Reka and Hügeltaldom and Astograth. And Waluigi might be the most eccentric of the lot, reportedly being overjoyed to play in purple (despite not actually getting to do so, given his status as a goalkeeper) and demanding the number two kit from Karii Bruun, despite, again, being a goalkeeper.

River Valley was also busy in the transfer market, but instead of making big, expensive splashes like Baptists or PREMIER, they made a series of moves that were cost-effective but which hold great promise to be effective on the pitch. First was the decision to recall Frank Wheeler from loan at Beadle-Normal: the team had struggled from the wings ever since PREMIER poached both their starters in those slots before their first season, but Wheeler had been effective in Mundt, and he came for free.

Next was another free transfer: nineteen-year-old South Newlandian left back Willie Ferrari was recruited to play in Red Stream. He had never before played professionally, but manager Dan Brescia saw a special raw talent to be molded. “Willie has amazing pace, but he has room to grow into an even better, well-rounded player in the years to come.” Referencing WGPC, “He has great one-lap pace, but let’s put it together for a full race day.”

Finally, the pièce de résistance: for a club transfer record of $2 million, Brenecian attacking midfielder Kristina Wise — who was handed the captain’s armband almost immediately when her car pulled up to Red Stream. A former Vanorian Premiership Team of the Season member and Player of the Season; a three-time cup winner and eight-time league champion in Valanora; a player who has won three regional championships across two regions — CONESPIO Campionato Esportivano di Campeones 25 with Kingsgrove and AOCAF Atlantian Oceania Champions Leagues XXXIX and XL with Raynor City United — and a champion of IFCF Super Cup 5, IFCF Cup Winners Cup 54, IFCF Challengers Cup 9, and IFCF Champions League 5 with Raynor City United. Now, Kristine Wise would be pulling the strings at the ValleyDome.

River Valley has slowly been building a project. Shayna Lennon retired after finishing last in the league in Season Two, and the team brought in just-sacked PREMIER manager Dan Brescia — who had won both Sanford PREMIER League titles awarded to that point. Only Brescia, with PREMIER, and Dan Vehle, with Corn Palace, have ever won a Sanfordan title in the SPL era thus far. Even holding for his former club’s financial advantages, he clearly knows something, and the results have been encouraging: Valley has improved its league placement every season Brescia has been in Red Stream, and despite a disappointing sixth last season, the team was only four points behind runners-up Baptists. River Valley is close to finally qualifying for IFCF football — and for the first time, despite being a traditional power in Sanford. Kristina Wise and Valley’s two other incoming transfers this season might just be what the team needs to put them over the top.

Corn Palace: the most decorated club in Sanford, of its Sanford PREMIER League era. Corn Palace is the only club to have won both the Sanford PREMIER Cup and the Sanford PREMIER League. No club has won more Sanford PREMIER Cup trophies than Corn Palace’s one, and no club has won more Sanford PREMIER League titles than Corn Palace’s two. The club is the two-time defending national champion, and last season was the most dominant performance in the history of the Sanford PREMIER League. They have won more trophies in the SPL era than any other club in the nation, and they have won a trophy for each of the past three seasons in succession.

How brilliant these past few years have been for Corn Palace. The club went from last in Season One — still a record-worst points and goal difference in the league to this day — to the Sanford PREMIER Cup in Season Two, the Sanford PREMIER League in Season Three, and a record-shattering thirty-four-point Sanford PREMIER League campaign in Season Four, in which they won the league by a record nine points and two matchdays to spare. All in front of capacity crowds of three thousand at the Discovery Archeodome — and after emerging from this summer $2.3 million in the black, they are the only club in Sanford to have a positive net spend across all four summers since the Sanford PREMIER League first kicked off.

How could Corn Palace follow up such an act? By preparing for a future as gilded as the present. Andy Wingert was sold to Sanford Falls PREMIER for $3.6 million and replaced by twenty-two-year-old Septembar Drpić, who cost half the price. Wingert’s centreback partner Oscar Carlson was sold to Beadle-Normal and replaced by eighteen-year-old former youth player David Feigen. Thirty-four-year-old left midfielder Kelly McInnes retired, but she was replaced by Katherine Hall, a recent high school graduate fifteen years her junior. Just two players in Corn Palace’s starting XI are in their thirties. Eight are twenty-four or younger. Three are still teenagers. And yet, those eight starters who are younger than twenty-five have already won fourteen trophies between them.

This is a team that has been assembled to win in Season Ten, or beyond — but under the leadership of Frank Vehle, they are title contenders in Season Five. Corn Palace are Sanford’s two-time defending national champions, and they will hope to beat Sanford Falls PREMIER to become the first team in Sanford to win three Sanford PREMIER League championships. But whatever happens, there is no doubt that Corn Palace will be here, among the upper echelons of Sanfordan football, for many years to come.

Nothing short of domination is acceptable for Sanford Falls PREMIER owner D. Tommy Sanford. He sacked his first manager, Dan Brescia, despite winning league champions in both seasons he was in charge, for not doing so dominantly enough. He has since sacked two managers in successive years for failing to deliver a trophy to Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium. He was reported to be incensed by last season’s performance, in which the team not only failed to recapture the league title, but surrendered it again to Corn Palace, were leapfrogged by Baptists for city supremacy, and lost a cup final in their home stadium to boot.

Spare a thought for Sanford Falls PREMIER’s fourth manager in four seasons: Savigliano Andrea Spinelli, formerly a SavigLega champion with AC Acqui Bollente. Say what you will about PREMIER’s financial might. None of PREMIER’s managers have really been bad — or if they did, they’ve certainly been able to fool the people who make hiring decisions. Dan Brescia immediately landed back in the Sanford PREMIER League, Vanza-Jerat Gep quickly found work in the Squornshelan Superleague, and Kurtis Rakeruth was hired as Pasarga’s national team manager just days after he was sacked in Sanford Falls. But this job requires winning a league with only sixteen matches per year, every single time, without leaving a doubt — all while managing a complex mix of egos from expensive, trophy-winning, and often aging players who need to settle in immediately, before they’re cast off as failures and the next manager has to settle in their replacements.

This year’s roster does feature more continuity than normal — but that’s not saying much. Only one of PREMIER’s starters arrived in Season Three: thirty-eight-year-old World Cup 80 champion midfielder Falcon Case. Only one played for PREMIER in Season Two: forty-year-old Champions’ Cup 66 champion striker Andrew Arrowsword. No player has managed to survive from Season One to Season Five — or even from Season One to Season Four. Meanwhile, six players on PREMIER’s roster are in their thirties, to say nothing of Arrowsword, who is on the wrong side of forty. These are all excellent, top-quality players with gobs of talent and experience. This is still a $37.1 million squad — an order of magnitude more expensive to assemble than most of the rest of the league — but how much do they still have left, and can they all jell quickly enough in a season in which a four-match cold streak constitutes a quarter of the season?

Forward Andrew Arrowsword hasn’t been the same since leaving Atlantian Oceania, and strike partner Dave Gullickson can’t seem to handle the pressure outside Mundt. PREMIER’s two wide midfielders, Lazuli Moore and Cohen Devine, openly hate each other. Central midfielders Falcon Case and Arlo McGregor are both naturally attacking midfielders, leaving a gap behind. And of the five players comprising PREMIER’s goalkeeper and backline, only one played for the team last season. Brescia couldn’t keep his job for more than two seasons, Vanza-Jerat couldn’t place PREMIER as the best club in Sanford, and Rakeruth couldn’t even place PREMIER as the best club in Sanford Falls — and now new league squad registration regulations compelled the team to sell high-priced, high-profile foreign talent and field more Sanfordans instead. But make no mistake: D. Tommy Sanford will expect domination.

[Greater Sanford]

✹ July ✹

Tenth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
Negus Koromanti (Cobrio) 1–1 Corn Palace

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, First Leg
Regium United (Oberour Ar Moro) 1–1 Martin Luther
Baptists 1–1 St. John's Arsenal (Quebec and Shingoryeo)
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–0 Konunsfjord 014 (Tjorl)

Tenth IFCF Champions League, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 3–0 Negus Koromanti (Cobrio) (4–1 agg.)

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, First Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Martin Luther 0–0 Regium United (Oberour Ar Moro) (0–0 f.t.) (5–4 pen.) (p1–1 agg.)
St. John's Arsenal (Quebec and Shingoryeo) 1–2 Baptists (2–3 agg.)
Konunsfjord 014 (Tjorl) 0–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER (4–0 agg.)

Tenth IFCF Champions League, Second Qualifying Round, First Leg
Corn Palace 4–0 East Dewayo (Nyowani Kitara)

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, First Leg
Mosul (Adab) 1–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Martin Luther 1–3 Avidia United (Krytenia)
Crystal Guard HC (Crystal Empire) 2–2 Baptists

✹ August ✹

Tenth IFCF Champions League, Second Qualifying Round, Second Leg
East Dewayo (Nyowani Kitara) 2–0 Corn Palace (2–4 agg.)

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Second Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Mosul (Adab) (4–1 agg.)
Avidia United (Krytenia) 3–2 Martin Luther (6–3 agg.)
Baptists 0–1 Crystal Guard HC (Crystal Empire) (2–3 agg.)

Tenth IFCF Champions League, Third Qualifying Round, First Leg
Partisan Sjoedrhavn (Savojarna) 2–2 Corn Palace

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, First Leg
Blue Mountain Range (Astograth) 1–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday One
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Corn Palace
Martin Luther 3–1 Baptists
River Valley 3–1 Beadle-Normal
Northern 2–0 Railyards

Tenth IFCF Champions League, Third Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 0–1 Partisan Sjoedrhavn (Savojarna) (2–3 agg.)

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Third Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Blue Mountain Range (Astograth) (4–2 agg.)

Matchday Two
Beadle-Normal 2–1 Northern
Baptists 2–0 River Valley
Corn Palace 2–1 Martin Luther
Lewiston Clark 2–4 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, First Leg
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Ogroven Vanguardi FK (Zeta Reka & Hügeltaldom)
Corn Palace 3–2 Sporting Arrachai (Acastanha)

✹ September ✹

Matchday Three
Martin Luther 2–0 Lewiston Clark
River Valley 1–1 Corn Palace
Northern 0–2 Baptists
Railyards 2–2 Beadle-Normal

Tenth IFCF Challengers Cup, Fourth Qualifying Round, Second Leg
Ogroven Vanguardi FK (Zeta Reka & Hügeltaldom) 2–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER (2–1 agg.)
Sporting Arrachai (Acastanha) 2–1 Corn Palace (2–1 f.t.) (5–4 pen.) (4p–4 agg.)

Cup First Round, Matchday One

Pod A
Railyards 2–1 Corn Palace
Off: Martin Luther

Pod B
River Valley 1–1 Lewiston Clark
Off: Northern

Pod C
Beadle-Normal 0–1 Baptists
Off: Sanford Falls PREMIER

Matchday Four
Baptists 0–1 Railyards
Corn Palace 0–0 Northern
Lewiston Clark 1–1 River Valley
Sanford Falls PREMIER 1–0 Martin Luther

Matchday Five
River Valley 0–2 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Northern 1–1 Lewiston Clark
Railyards 2–1 Corn Palace
Beadle-Normal 0–1 Baptists

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER    4    4   0   0     9    3   +6    12
2 Baptists                 5    3   0   2     6    4   +2     9
3 Railyards                4    2   1   1     5    5    0     7
4 Martin Luther            4    2   0   2     6    4   +2     6
5 Corn Palace              5    1   2   2     5    6   −1     5
6 Northern                 5    1   2   2     4    5   −1     5
7 River Valley             5    1   2   2     5    7   −2     5
8 Beadle-Normal            4    1   1   2     5    7   −2     4
9 Lewiston Clark           4    0   2   2     4    8   −4     2

Fifty-Seventh IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Riuwiee United (Abanhfleft) 3–1 Lewiston Clark

✹ October ✹

Cup First Round, Matchday Two

Pod A
Martin Luther 1–1 Railyards
Off: Corn Palace

Pod B
Northern 1–3 River Valley
Off: Lewiston Clark

Pod C
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–0 Beadle-Normal
Off: Baptists

Matchday Six
Corn Palace 1–1 Beadle-Normal
Lewiston Clark 3–0 Railyards
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–2 Northern
Martin Luther 1–2 River Valley

Fifty-Seventh IFCF Cup Winners’ Cup, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Lewiston Clark 0–1 Riuwiee United (Abanhfleft) (1–4 agg.)

Matchday Seven
Northern 2–1 Martin Luther
Railyards 1–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Beadle-Normal 1–2 Lewiston Clark
Baptists 0–0 Corn Palace

Cup First Round, Matchday Three

Pod A
Corn Palace 1–2 Martin Luther
Off: Railyards

Pod B
Lewiston Clark 3–2 Northern
Off: River Valley

Pod C
Baptists 4–0 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Off: Beadle-Normal

SPC First Round Pod A      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Martin Luther              2   1  1  0    3   2  +1    4    Playoff
2 Railyards                  2   1  1  0    3   2  +1    4    Sexafinal
3 Corn Palace                2   0  0  2    2   4  -2    0

SPC First Round Pod B      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 River Valley               2   1  1  0    4   2  +2    4    Playoff
2 Lewiston Clark             2   1  1  0    4   3  +1    4    Sexafinal
3 Northern                   2   0  0  2    3   6  -3    0

SPC First Round Pod C      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Baptists                   2   2  0  0    5   0  +5    6    Semifinal
2 Beadle-Normal              2   0  1  1    0   1  -1    1    Sexafinal
3 Sanford Falls PREMIER      2   0  1  1    0   4  -4    1

Fourteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Katashi-Kanatsu (Ko-oren) 1–0 Northern

Matchday Eight
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Baptists
Sanford Falls PREMIER 0–0 Beadle-Normal
Martin Luther 1–3 Railyards
River Valley 1–2 Northern

Fourteenth Vilitan Cove Invitational, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Northern 1–1 Katashi-Kanatsu (Ko-oren) (1–2 agg.)

✹ November ✹

Matchday Nine
Railyards 0–2 River Valley
Beadle-Normal 1–1 Martin Luther
Baptists 0–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Corn Palace 4–0 Lewiston Clark

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER    8    5   2   1    13    6   +7    17
2 Northern                 8    4   2   2    10    7   +3    14
3 Baptists                 8    4   1   3     8    8    0    13
4 River Valley             8    3   2   3    10   10    0    11
5 Railyards                8    3   2   3     9   12   −3    11
6 Corn Palace              8    2   4   2    10    7   +3    10
7 Lewiston Clark           8    2   2   4    10   15   −5     8
8 Martin Luther            8    2   1   5    10   12   −2     7
9 Beadle-Normal            8    1   4   3     8   11   −3     7

Cup Playoff
River Valley 1–0 Martin Luther (0–0 f.t.)

In a first, every Sanford PREMIER League team survived the IFCF first qualifying round — although Baptists and Martin Luther were eliminated in their second. Still, Corn Palace managed to last until the third qualifying round of the Champions League — going where no Sanfordan club had gone before — and both the Kernels and PREMIER advanced to the fourth qualifying round of the Challengers Cup. Sanford will remain just outside the top forty IFCF associations, but next season will be the last in which their coefficient points will replace a pre-SPL season — meaning a jump of eight places in the IFCF ranks could be possible, and five IFCF places isn’t totally out of the picture with an excellent international showing next year, although it might take another appearance in an IFCF group stage to do it.

Sanford Falls PREMIER made a scintillating start, winning all four league matches they played and seven of eight matches in the IFCF Challengers Cup into the beginning of October. As of the first of the month, they had played twelve matches in all competitions and won eleven. Just five matchdays into the season, they had already established a commanding claim on the league, with a three-point lead and a match in hand over second-place Baptists, with a five-point lead on third-place Railyards.

Of course, October saw them go winless in all competitions: a loss and a draw knocked them out of the Sanford PREMIER Cup in its first round, and a loss and two draws in the league helped bring them closer to the chasing pack, too. But when all was said and done, Sanford PREMIER had a three-goal margin in the league at the end of the fall, having scored the most goals in the league and conceded the fewest goals.

And they had established that margin over, of all teams, Northern. The team from Sanford’s second city had nearly gone three-for-three in the fall against clubs from Sanford Falls, with wins against River Valley, Railyards, Martin Luther, and Sanford Falls PREMIER showing that Northern intended to compete.

The two other big surprises on the table were found further down: Corn Palace and Martin Luther. The defending champions, who were so dominant last season, found themselves sixth in the league, outside the IFCF places, eliminated from the cup, and finished with IFCF football halfway through the season. They could only match the points tally they earned last season by winning each of their remaining fixtures in the spring half of the season. It certainly seemed like they couldn’t win anything this year with kids.

Meanwhile, Martin Luther was mired even further down the table, only a single goal’s worth of goal difference above Beadle-Normal in last. To be sure, they were only four points away from the IFCF places, so they weren’t out of it yet, but they would have to play much better in the second half of the season if they hoped to salvage anything after their performances in the fall.

[Greater Sanford]

✹ January ✹

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, First Leg
Olympic Nangang (Yue Zhou) 2–1 Corn Palace

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Preliminary Round, Second Leg
Corn Palace 4–0 Olympic Nangang (Yue Zhou) (5–2 agg.)

✹ February ✹

Matchday Ten
Corn Palace 2–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Baptists 0–2 Martin Luther
Beadle-Normal 1–2 River Valley
Railyards 2–1 Northern

Matchday Eleven
Northern 1–0 Beadle-Normal
River Valley 2–1 Baptists
Martin Luther 0–1 Corn Palace
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–3 Lewiston Clark

Cup Sexafinals
Martin Luther 4–0 Beadle-Normal
Railyards 1–0 Lewiston Clark

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, First Round, First Leg
Corn Palace 1–1 Partisan Sjoedrhavn (Savojarna)

Matchday Twelve
Lewiston Clark 0–1 Martin Luther
Corn Palace 2–0 River Valley
Baptists 0–0 Northern
Beadle-Normal 1–0 Railyards

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, First Round, Second Leg
Partisan Sjoedrhavn (Savojarna) 0–1 Corn Palace (1–2 agg.)

✹ March ✹

Matchday Thirteen
Railyards 0–2 Baptists
Northern 1–5 Corn Palace
River Valley 2–0 Lewiston Clark
Martin Luther 0–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Corn Palace             12    6   4   2    20    9  +11    22
2 Sanford Falls PREMIER   11    6   2   3    17   11   +6    20
3 River Valley            12    6   2   4    16   14   +2    20
4 Northern                12    5   3   4    13   14   −1    18
5 Baptists                12    5   2   5    11   12   −1    17
6 Railyards               11    4   2   5    11   16   −5    14
7 Martin Luther           12    4   1   7    13   14   −1    13
8 Lewiston Clark          11    3   2   6    13   20   −7    11
9 Beadle-Normal           11    2   4   5    10   14   −4    10

Cup First Semifinal
River Valley 2–1 Baptists

Cup Quarterfinal
Railyards 1–1 Martin Luther (0–0 f.t.) (3–4 pen.)

Matchday Fourteen
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–1 River Valley
Lewiston Clark 2–1 Northern
Corn Palace 2–1 Railyards
Baptists 2–1 Beadle-Normal

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Quarterfinals, First Leg
Corn Palace 2–0 Molding (Græntfjall)

✹ April ✹

Matchday Fifteen
Beadle-Normal 1–1 Corn Palace
Railyards 2–1 Lewiston Clark
Northern 1–1 Sanford Falls PREMIER
River Valley 1–2 Martin Luther

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Quarterfinals, Second Leg
Molding (Græntfjall) 0–1 Corn Palace (0–3 agg.)

Cup Second Semifinal
Baptists 1–0 Martin Luther

Matchday Sixteen
Martin Luther 2–2 Northern
Sanford Falls PREMIER 3–3 Railyards
Lewiston Clark 1–1 Beadle-Normal
Corn Palace 0–1 Baptists

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Corn Palace             15    7   5   3    23   12  +11    26
2 Sanford Falls PREMIER   14    7   4   3    24   16   +8    25
3 Baptists                14    7   2   5    14   13   +1    23
4 River Valley            14    6   2   6    18   19   −1    20
5 Northern                15    5   5   5    17   19   −2    20
6 Railyards               14    5   3   6    17   22   −5    18
7 Martin Luther           14    5   2   7    17   17    0    17
8 Lewiston Clark          14    4   3   7    17   24   −7    15
9 Beadle-Normal           14    2   6   6    13   18   −5    12

Corn Palace needed a miracle at the beginning of spring to continue its hunt for a third consecutive Sanford PREMIER League championship. They had won only two of their first eight league matches. Meanwhile, they would have to earn about a point per match, on average, over the second half of the season to surpass Sanford Falls PREMIER for the league lead. PREMIER was on pace for thirty-four points over the whole season. Corn Palace could only achieve that total if they won every remaining match of the season.

And yet, something happened in January, as Corn Palace hosted Olympic Nangang in Copa de Campeones preliminary round play. The Kernels had lost the first leg, to reduce their record in all competitions over the course of the season to five wins, six draws, and eight losses. But in front of a home crowd at the Discovery Archeodome, they routed the Yue Super! League champions, and they haven’t looked back since.

They defeated Sanford Falls PREMIER in their next match, a critical six-pointer which would have all but ended Palace’s title hopes had it gone the other way. They defeated Martin Luther away, held Partisan Sjoedrhavn to a draw in the Copa de Campeones, beat River Valley in the league, and then eliminated the Savojar Football Serien A at their home stadium.

Then March came along, and with it a five-one thumping of Northern at Roncalli Field, a home win against Railyards, and a two-nil win over Molding of Græntfjall in the Copa de Campeones quarterfinals. Sanford Falls PREMIER still had a game in hand, but the Kernels were leading PREMIER by two points — and with PREMIER’s win over River Valley at the end of March and Northern’s loss to Lewiston Clark at the same time, no other team in the league was within five points of Corn Palace, even if they were to win a match in hand.

In April, Corn Palace seemed to lose focus a bit, conceding a late equalizer to Beadle-Normal that squandered Northern’s draw against PREMIER on the same day. But they closed out their Copa de Campeones fixture against Molding with another win, sending them into the semifinals for the first time — far beyond what any Sanfordan club had accomplished in any international tournament.

But did that balance of regional and domestic commitments become unsettled by the business end of the season? No one in Sanford had yet had to manage international fixtures so late into the season, and Corn Palace lost a home match to Baptists on Matchday Sixteen. Sanford Falls PREMIER were themselves held to a draw at home against Railyards, meaning Corn Palace was still in the lead for the league entering their spring off week, but they had wasted consecutive matchdays of PREMIER dropped points, after the club had failed to win only one match not played against the Kernels themselves in the second half of the season before April rolled along.

As the table stood entering the league’s final two matchdays, Corn Palace had a two-point lead over Sanford Falls PREMIER, though they only had one domestic fixture remaining and a regional semifinal to worry about, while PREMIER had two opportunities to score points in the league. Corn Palace would be off for Matchday Seventeen before visiting Lewiston Clark on Matchday Eighteen, with an historic Copa de Campeones two-legged tie against Port Rhovanyon AFC to deal with before Lewiston Clark, while PREMIER would simply need to beat Beadle-Normal away and then Baptists at home to win its third Sanfordan championship. Both clubs were guaranteed a place in the IFCF Challengers Cup at least, but there was only one prize on either team’s mind: the Sanford PREMIER League title.

[Greater Sanford]

Matchday Seventeen
Baptists 3–1 Lewiston Clark
Beadle-Normal 2–3 Sanford Falls PREMIER
Railyards 3–1 Martin Luther
Northern 1–0 River Valley

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER   15    8   4   3    27   18   +9    28
2 Corn Palace             15    7   5   3    23   12  +11    26
3 Baptists                15    8   2   5    17   14   +3    26
4 Northern                16    6   5   5    18   19   −1    23
5 Railyards               15    6   3   6    20   23   −3    21
6 River Valley            15    6   2   7    18   20   −2    20
7 Martin Luther           15    5   2   8    18   20   −2    17
8 Lewiston Clark          15    4   3   8    18   27   −9    15
9 Beadle-Normal           15    2   6   7    15   21   −6    12

With just one matchday to go, the stage is set. The stakes are clear.

Three teams are in contention for the Sanford PREMIER League title. Two will play each other. Sanford Falls PREMIER simply has to earn a win at home against derby rivals Baptists on the final matchday to reclaim the title. A draw would open them to the risk of losing out on the title on the final day. A loss would guarantee they would be surpassed.

Baptists is guaranteed at least third in the league, and an IFCF Challengers Cup berth, but they have a chance at something more. If they defeat Sanford Falls PREMIER, they could win the title for the first time, as long as Corn Palace does not earn an away win at Lewiston Clark — or unless Baptists can somehow make up an eight-goal margin in goal difference, which would require the club to score more than half of what they did over the entire rest of the season.

Meanwhile, Corn Palace also must win its final match if it hopes to win the league for a third year running. Luckily, its opponent has nothing to play for, but Corn Palace must hope for PREMIER to drop points against Baptists. As long as Palace wins and PREMIER fails to do the same, Palace will usurp PREMIER’s place on the table, owing to superior goal difference, if not superior points. The only way Palace could have the title slip from their grasp if they win and PREMIER doesn’t is if Baptists somehow earns an away win by at least nine goals in a final-matchday derby fixture against the league-leading side, which needs a win to guarantee itself the title.

For all intents and purposes, PREMIER will win the league with a win or with a draw coupled with Palace dropping points to Lewiston Clark; Corn Palace will win the league with a win coupled with PREMIER dropping points to Baptists; and Baptists will win the league with a win coupled with Corn Palace dropping points in Lewiston.

Meanwhile, the fourth and final IFCF spot remains up for grabs. Currently, Northern holds the place, but they are in a precarious position, having played their final match of the season. Either Railyards or River Valley would leapfrog them with a win on the final matchday — Railyards due to having more points, River Valley due to a tie on points, at worst a tie on goal difference, and at least one additional goal scored.

What complicates matters — or perhaps simplifies them — is that River Valley is due to host Railyards on the final matchday of the season. They are each other’s biggest rivals, and they are due to play a single match, with the winner qualifying for the IFCF Challengers Cup and the loser failing to do the same — or both could fail to qualify if the match ends in a draw. The math for Sanford’s fourth IFCF place is simple: River Valley gets the spot if they defeat Railyards, Railyards gets the spot if they defeat River Valley, and Northern keeps the spot if River Valley–Railyards ends in a draw. It’s anyone’s guess how things will end on the final matchday of the Sanford PREMIER League.

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Semifinals, First Leg
Corn Palace 0–1 Port Rhovanyon AFC (Tikariot)

Corn Palace and Port Rhovanyon AFC were similar teams in several respects. Both clubs were not traditional powers in their leagues, but had recently seen much more success. Both fielded a 4–4–2 to play one of the biggest matches in either club’s history. And they had plenty of young contributors — a majority of both teams’ starting XIs were twenty-three or younger, while with only a thirty-one-year-old goalkeeper, Port Rhovanyon started even fewer players in their thirties than Corn Palace’s two.

In the end, it was young Rekan centreback Veljko Bartović who scored a late, eighty-sixth minute header from a corner that put the Tikariotian champions on top after ninety minutes. It may have only been one goal, but this was a massive blow for Palace, as not only was it their home fixture, but it was the fixture held during their off week in the league. In the return fixture, they would not only have to contend with a hostile crowd, but a final-matchday away fixture which could determine whether they could win the league once again would be looming just days away — but if they hoped to advance to the Copa de Campeones final, they would have to chase the game in the semifinal. After Yuezhou, Savojarna, and Græntfjall, would their magical tour of Pavola come to an abrupt end in Tikariot?

Fifth Sanford PREMIER Cup Final
River Valley 0–2 Baptists

River Valley had defeated Baptists two-one in the first semifinal, in Red Stream, but when the stage became the final and the venue moved to Sanford Falls — albeit the supposedly neutral site of Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium — it was Baptists who earned a deserved win. Howe Carrigan scored the goal that would prove to be the winner in the twenty-seventh minute, and Pierre Vasseur put Baptists in protect-the-lead mode with a fifty-third minute strike. Kristina Wise produced some good chances for her teammates, but nothing would get by Waluigi, as Baptists celebrated their first trophy in the SPL era — a week before they hoped to get to celebrate another trophy, if they could win in the very same venue.

Fifty-Fifth CRF Copa de Campeones, Semifinals, Second Leg
Port Rhovanyon AFC (Tikariot) 3–0 Corn Palace (4–0 agg.)

Defending Tikariot Premier League champions Port Rhovanyon AFC seemed to pour their entire squad’s focus into advancing to the Copa de Campeones final, and perhaps even winning the competition. If that was their intention, they succeeded. The team was in freefall domestically, taking only two points from their final seven league fixtures, finishing the league season just a single place and a single point above the relegation zone.

They ended up brushing perilously close to the unthinkable for a reigning champion, but they knew they didn’t need much domestically to stay up, and they knew they wouldn’t gain much from putting their focus there. They weren’t juggling multiple competitions, like Corn Palace was trying to do. The only prize on offer for them was the Copa de Campeones, and they knew it.

Sanford PREMIER League Season Five, Matchday Eighteen
River Valley 3–1 Railyards
Martin Luther 0–1 Beadle-Normal
Sanford Falls PREMIER 2–1 Baptists
Lewiston Clark 1–2 Corn Palace

Sanford PREMIER League   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
1 Sanford Falls PREMIER   16    9   4   3    29   19  +10    31    Champions, CL, CdC, CP
2 Corn Palace             16    8   5   3    25   13  +12    29    ChC
3 Baptists                16    8   2   6    18   16   +2    26    ChC, SPC, CWC
4 River Valley            16    7   2   7    21   21   ±0    23    ChC, CP
5 Northern                16    6   5   5    18   19   -1    23
6 Railyards               16    6   3   7    21   26   -5    21
7 Martin Luther           16    5   2   9    18   21   -3    17    VCI
8 Beadle-Normal           16    3   6   7    16   21   -5    15
9 Lewiston Clark          16    4   3   9    19   29  -10    15

With that, the Sanford PREMIER League season is over. It was a thrilling finale, but Sanford PREMIER League emerged as champions, and River Valley will be joining Corn Palace and Baptists in the Challengers Cup. That also means that cup semifinalists Martin Luther will be nominated to the Vilitan Cove Invitational, not finalists River Valley.

Fresh off Sanford PREMIER Cup disappointment, River Valley snuffed out the IFCF hopes of both Northern and their biggest rivals, Railyards, with a convincing three-one win. Kristina Wise scored a brace, with an assist of a Dana Church goal sandwiched in between, to kill any hope for Northern or Railyards. A late cross from Larry Martinez to Richard Marking was aesthetically pleasing, but never had much chance at serving any other purpose than consolation for the traveling fans in blue and yellow — though it hardly managed even that.

Meanwhile, the battle at the top was appropriately dramatic. At halftime, Baptists led Sanford Falls PREMIER one-nil, courtesy of a Pierre Vasseur goal, while Corn Palace and Lewiston Clark were deadlocked after goals from Nicodemo Corte-Real and Simos Arvanitakis. With forty-five minutes to play, the live table would award Baptists their first-ever title, though either Corn Palace or PREMIER would jump in front with a goal.

In the sixty-seventh minute, that’s exactly what happened. Corn Palace centreback Septembar Drpić scored off a header, bringing Corn Palace in front of Lewiston Clark and ahead of both their Sanford Falls rivals in the table. Suddenly, Frank Vehle threw essentially the entire team, save for Corte-Real, behind the ball, and the Kernels clung on for dear life in Lewiston. Given that it was unlikely, to say the least, that Baptists could score another eight goals at Tommy Sanford PREMIER Stadium, Corn Palace just needed to hang on — and hope that Baptists could do the same.

Unfortunately for Kernels fans, Andrew Arrowsword plays for Sanford Falls PREMIER. In the seventy-seventh minute, he played a quick one-two sequence with Arlo McGregor to get behind Will Genaust, and with a powerful shot directed right into the top corner of the goal, he left even Waluigi incapable of stopping it.

At this point, Baptists seemed broken. They had conceded a late equalizer on the road to an extremely impressive, experienced team and derby rival. They had been pipped to the title on the final matchday by PREMIER before, and it looked like PREMIER would pip them on the table again. Further, even if Baptists could find a late winner, they would need Lewiston Clark — with nothing to play for save for their own pride — to score against a Corn Palace side doing everything humanly possible to stop them from doing just that.

Whether the cause was psychological or otherwise, the dam broke. Falcon Case played a beautiful ball that split two defenders, and Arrowsword did the rest, powering past an otherwise-impeccable Karii Bruun before curling a spot past Waluigi into the far corner. It was the eighty-second minute. Corn Palace had to rely on Baptists finding a late equalizer, but Baptists was struggling, knowing they needed an unlikely two plus a Lewiston Clark goal, while PREMIER went on their own ultra-defensive mode to see out the game. There was no chance Baptists could spoil their rival’s celebration. Andrea Spinelli made sure of that.

PREMIER, finally, had won the Sanford PREMIER League title.

[Greater Sanford]

Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
✹ Season One Introduction ✹

Introducing: the Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association.

Well, it’s not really “professional,” in any meaningful sense of the word. Sure, players are getting paid, but they’re getting a pittance. Salaries are paid on a per-game, not per-season, basis — perhaps players’ first potential red flag, though the salaries themselves make it pretty clear what kind of league this really is.

Minimum salaries are $250 per game — equivalent to $5000 for a full regular season, or $6000 as a maximum, given the fact that players are at least paid to play in the playoffs. Maximum salaries are $400 per game — which works out to $8000 for a regular season or $9600 as a playoff maximum. A salary cap of $3600 per game, divided between twelve rostered players, pegs league-average salaries at no more than $300 per game and total team salaries at a maximum of $72000 for owners to pay, or at most $86400 if their team wins the league championship.

But why basketball? And why now? Well, basketball is comfortably the third-most popular sport in Sanford, after football and baseball. After several seasons of the Sanford PREMIER League revolutionizing Sanfordan football, several local business leaders across Sanford saw a new opportunity to make even more money: professionalize the other sports, which were previously entirely amateur.

Sanfordan football was already swimming in more money than it knew what to do with thanks to D. Tommy Sanford. Baseball was a more popular sport in Sanford than basketball, but its structure — a collection of many hyperlocal teams representing individual communities, which a player would represent for their entire career — would be a poor fit for professionalization. Besides, it did not have an IFCF of its own to pump foreign money into owners’ pockets.

Ice hockey had a good claim as Sanford’s next-most popular sport after basketball, and it had its own Hockey Champions League, but Sanford could not reasonably sustain its own domestic league of any more than, at most, six teams. Teams lobbied for admission into the Pavolan Hockey League instead, and the country’s two largest cities — Sanford Falls and Granite City — were awarded places in the competition.

No, it would be basketball. It was popular domestically, it had plenty of history in Sanford, and there were several arenas already capable of hosting games for such a league. Plus, roster sizes — and, by extension, team wage bills — would be smaller than for other sports. And, of course, there was IUBC money waiting at the end of that yellow brick road. Basketball might be the third-most popular sport in Sanford, but it would be its second professional — or, at least, “professional” — league.

Ten cities in Sanford have populations of more than ten thousand, and eight received franchises in the new project. As River Valley found out in the Sanford PREMIER League, a team in Lewiston — the country’s sixth-most populous city — would have conflicted with the market of nearby Red Stream, which already had a great arena and a ready-made rivalry with practically every sports team from the city of Derry in place. Meanwhile, Neshobe’s case was simple: it was the smallest of Sanford’s top ten cities, and it was just a suburb of Sanford Falls, anyways.

The other eight cities would get SPBA teams. Sanford Falls, Granite City, and Derry were Sanford’s three largest cities; Redlin, Elk Plains, and Ft. Hughes would have their first professional sports teams, after being passed up in Sanford PREMIER League expansion; McGovern and Red Stream had utterly unique arenas that couldn’t be ignored in any self-respecting Sanfordan basketball league.

The teams were formed, all with a fun, family-friendly, minor-league feel: place names based on local landmarks or history, with unique, whimsical mascots reflecting their town, like the Hub City Pond Frogs, Campanile Tyrannosaurus, or Corn Palace Cobbers. All the teams seemed to get the memo, except for the Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse, which aggressively did not.

The concept of the league itself is fairly straightforward. The eight teams are divided into eastern and western divisions of four teams each. Teams play four games against each of their divisional rivals and two games against all other teams, for twenty in total. The top two teams in each division advance to a single-game division championship, and the winners will compete in a best-of-three league championship. The winners of that series will be crowned champions of Sanford — and they, the team they defeat in that series, and the best other regular-season team that qualified for the playoffs will play IUBC basketball the following season. Team owners signed contracts with players, arena leases with cities, and jersey supply agreements with uni·q, which had previously been a football-only kitmaker. Then, they got to work.

So, with no further ado, presenting: the eight teams competing in the inaugural season of the Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association.

[Greater Sanford]

Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
✹ Season One Preview ✹

Hub City Pond Frogs

City: Granite City
Arena: Barnett Arena (cap. 8 000)
Division: West
Colors: Green and brown

Placename: Granite City was nicknamed Sanford’s hub city when as many as four railroads passed through town, arranged like spokes in a wheel, all leading to the jewel of the Sanfordan north. Nowadays, passenger rail service does not exist in Sanford.

Nickname: When Granite City was being laid out by settlers, the region was in a drought. Only after a considerable number of life savings had been invested in the town was it discovered that it flooded regularly — hence, for a few years until local residents managed to engineer a solution, it became known as the frog pond.

Team: Why put a team in Granite City? Well, unless you want every team to come from Sanford Falls, Granite City’s likely the first place you should look. It’s Sanford’s second-biggest city, and it’s located in an area with few other major towns nearby. If you want fans in Sanford’s north, there’s no better place to place a team than Granite City. The city’s Sanford PREMIER League team is called Northern, after all. Plus, Barnett Arena is Sanford’s largest arena built expressly for basketball. It’s a no-brainer: unleash the Pond Frogs.

Tier: Potential contenders

Central Plains Governors

City: Elk Plains
Arena: Elk Plains Arena (cap. 7 000)
Division: West
Colors: Purple and gold

Placename: The city’s named Elk Plains, it’s on a plain, the entire country’s on a plain, and it’s basically in the center of the country. It’s Central Plains.

Nickname: Elk Plains is the capital of Sanford. The head of state of Sanford is called the governor, and the governor lives in the capital — Elk Plains. The team’s name is a nod to that fact, which makes everyone in town proud to live in Elk Plains.

Team: Why put a team in Elk Plains? Well, it’s the country’s capital, and it has more than double the population of Mundt, home to Sanford PREMIER League club Beadle-Normal, yet it doesn’t have any professional sports teams — or, at least, it didn’t until now. Plus, it fills a gap that has been underrepresented in Sanfordan sports: central Sanford. One look at the map of Sanford reveals a ring of significant towns spanning the entire country: Granite City to Elk Plains’s north, Ft. Hughes to its west, McGovern to the south, Mundt to the southeast, Derry to the east, and Redlin to the northeast. No similarly-sized towns exist inside this ring, though — except Elk Plains. With a single team to rally around, and a large arena to rally in, perhaps this team can capture the hearts of Sanford’s central plains.

Tier: Probable underdogs

Mnisose Anglers

City: Ft. Hughes
Arena: Mnisose Expo Center (cap. 1 500)
Division: West
Colors: Silver and burnt green

Placename: Ft. Hughes is located on the Mnisose River, and it is the only large city in Sanford near the country’s western extremity — defined and bounded by the Mnisose.

Nickname: The Mnisose River — particularly the region just north of Ft. Hughes — is home to some of the best fishing in Sanford. Among other types of fish found in the area, the team’s mascot was inspired by the salmon you can catch in the Mnisose. But the team isn’t named for the fish; it’s named for the anglers who reel them in.

Team: Why put a team in Ft. Hughes? Well, Ft. Hughes is another city that was passed up by Sanford PREMIER League expansion. The city is really more of a hockey town — a rarity in Sanford — and pushed hard for a Pavolan Hockey League team, but the larger markets of Sanford Falls and Granite City won the day. Instead, this franchise is a bit of a consolation prize, a recognition that a city like Ft. Hughes — as the largest town in all of western Sanford — deserves a professional sports team. It’s a consolation prize, and the fact that the team is playing in by far the smallest arena in the competition, which was originally built to host hockey, makes that clear. Still, although it may not be the prize salmon, Ft. Hughes has caught a good fish, because that’s just what good anglers do.

Tier: Probable underdogs

Corn Palace Cobbers

City: McGovern
Arena: Corn Palace (cap. 3 200)
Division: West
Colors: Yellow and green

Placename: “Corn Palace” is already well-known as the name of a surprisingly successful Sanford PREMIER League team, but it’s also a real building, and the Cobbers will play basketball in it.

Nickname: Who doesn’t love eating corn on the cob? It’s a Sanfordan staple. On a nice summer day, some sweet corn is your way of knowing everything’s good in the world. And you know what’s even better than some grilled sweet corn seasoned with salt and melted butter? The Cobbers, that’s what.

Team: Why put a team in McGovern? Well, it’s the team the world never knew it needed: a team that plays basketball in the Corn Palace. The exploits of the Sanford PREMIER League club known as Corn Palace are all the more impressive considering the fact that McGovern is really a basketball town, and the spiritual home of basketball in McGovern — perhaps in Sanford — is the Corn Palace. The building will celebrate its hundredth anniversary in two years’ time, and it retains all kinds of historic charm. You very simply can’t discuss Sanfordan basketball without paying tribute to the history of the Corn Palace — and now, the Cobbers hope, the Corn Palace will make more memories yet.

Tier: Potential contenders

South Sanford Tanagers

City: Red Stream
Arena: The ValleyDome (cap. 9 100)
Division: East
Colors: Red and black

Placename: Look at a map of Sanford. The only two big towns south of Sanford Falls are Red Stream and Lewiston. Red Stream has a team; Lewiston doesn’t. Thus, the team represents all of South Sanford.

Nickname: The scarlet tanager is a visually arresting migrating bird that can be found in southern Sanford in the summers. Continuing with both the town of Red Stream’s chromatic theme and the team’s embrace of all of South Sanford, a scarlet bird that makes its home in southern Sanford seems like a good choice for a mascot.

Team: Why put a team in Red Stream? Well, welcome to the ValleyDome. In what may be a unique setup, the Tanagers will play in the stadium of Sanford PREMIER League club River Valley during the team’s twelve-week winter break. That gives Red Stream the largest arena in the league. In fact, only two stadia in the nation of any kind are larger. Moreover, unlike River Valley, Red Stream does not have to compete with the nearby Lewiston market, only a thirty-minute drive to its west — which, in a place like Sanford, is not long at all. That seemed to hurt both teams’ competitiveness when Lewiston Clark was introduced to the Sanford PREMIER League, but this league won’t make the same mistake. On the contrary, not only do the Tanagers have a massive arena to fill, but in South Sanford, they have a sizable market to fill it.

Tier: Potential contenders

Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse

City: Sanford Falls
Arena: Sanford Falls Arena (cap. 4 800)
Division: East
Colors: Brown and black

Placename: The name is Sanford Falls. The team plays in Sanford Falls. Witty, huh? Get it?

Nickname: In its early days, Sanford Falls could attribute much of its prosperity to its agricultural processing industry. That is to say, it had one of the largest stockyards in all of Rushmore — and its main slaughterhouse is still among the largest pork processors in the entire region. Sure, in the years since, the town has diversified to retail, health care, and, of course, finance, but it all began with the agricultural industry. It all began with the slaughterhouse.

Team: Why put a team in Sanford Falls? Well, do you know anything about Sanford? It has the same population as the country’s next seventeen towns combined. How do you not put a team in Sanford Falls? As for where in the city the team will play, the Slaughterhouse will share the Sanford Falls Arena with the Sanford Falls Pilots, the city’s new Pavolan Hockey League team. The real question is not if a team should be awarded to Sanford Falls, but how many. The SPBA is making an interesting bet on just one team in town. The Sanford PREMIER League has three teams in the city, with the introduction of Sanford Falls PREMIER, and historically always had at least two major football teams, with Martin Luther and Baptists, before that. The lack of a city rivalry might be a shame, but what the league gets in return is unique: a single team for the entire city to unite around. Whereas locals’ loyalties are divided in the Sanford PREMIER League, could the Slaughterhouse become a source of civic pride or even civic identity for Sanford Falls?

Tier: Potential contenders

Campanile Tyrannosaurus

City: Derry
Arena: Verglas Arena (cap. 6 500)
Division: East
Colors: Cyan and purple

Placename: Just like the Cobbers take their name from an historic building, so do the Tyrannosaurus — but this time, it’s a bell tower called the Campanile, an instantly recognizable symbol of Derry all across Sanford. Unlike the Cobbers, though, they don’t actually play there.

Nickname: Several large, near-complete, and well-preserved dinosaur fossils have been found in what is now Sanford — particularly those of Tyrannosaurus rex. Several towns could have claims to the Tyrannosaurus, but Derry is the home of Sanford’s children’s museum, and as such, with its well-known, long-standing, and delightful permanent exhibit on dinosaurs, it has embraced this whimsical dinosaur-themed branding.

Team: Why put a team in Derry? Well, it’s the third-largest city in Sanford, and basketball is popular there — albeit not quite as much as football. It has a famous, distinctive local landmark to serve as the namesake of the team, and the prehistoric mascot and bright color scheme are sure to make the team a hit with the league’s youngest fans. If the product on the court is as good as the product in PR meetings has been so far, the Tyrannosaurus might just prove to be a model franchise.

Tier: Potential contenders

Water City Geysers

City: Redlin
Arena: Redlin Civic Arena (cap. 4 600)
Division: East
Colors: Blue and white

Placename: Redlin sits on the Big Sanford River and two lakes. It’s a city with water all around. It’s a water city.

Nickname: Geysers — well, to be honest, there aren’t any geysers in Sanford. But, hey, it’s better than the alternatives, like Riverboaters — which weren’t a major part of this part of Sanford’s history anyways — or Lakers — there’s already one of those in California City, and they’re marginally more well-known than the team in Redlin. Redlin already has a major river and two lakes. Why not introduce some more waterworks, too?

Team: Why put a team in Redlin? Well, it’s the largest city in the country that doesn’t already have a professional sports team. Plus, it’s the northernmost prominent city in the country aside from Granite City, and it can represent the northeast of the country, as neither Granite City nor Derry really fill that niche. In fact, it was a real surprise when the Sanford PREMIER League passed on Redlin for expansion, settling on Mundt — a city not much more than a quarter of Redlin’s size and close to many existing teams — instead. There have been rumors why the Sanford PREMIER League snubbed Redlin, but the SPBA will be betting big on having the only pro team in such a large city. Perhaps the Geysers can make a splash.

Tier: Probable underdogs

[Greater Sanford]

Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
✹ Season One Results ✹

Note: ICly, the games did not happen in this order. Games are played twice a week, with four weeks of cross-division play followed by six weeks of divisional play. In weeks one and three, Western Division teams hosted Eastern Division teams. In weeks two and four, Eastern Division teams hosted Western Division teams. In weeks five through ten, both games every team played any given week were against the same same-division opponent at the same venue. For example, if the Tyrannosaurus hosted the Tanagers in the first game of week five, the Tyrannosaurus would also host the Tanagers in the second game of week five. The xkoranate tables below reflect a double round robin between all teams and a double round robin between divisional teams, summing to a total of two games played against cross-division opponents and four games played against same-division opponents, adding up to the correct number of games against each team.

Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Corn Palace Cobbers 81–85 Hub City Pond Frogs
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 76–66 South Sanford Tanagers
Mnisose Anglers 67–84 Water City Geysers
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 75–80 Central Plains Governors

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Water City Geysers                               1    1   0    84   67  +17    1.000     1
2 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          1    1   0    76   66  +10    1.000     1
3 Central Plains Governors                         1    1   0    80   75   +5    1.000     1
4 Hub City Pond Frogs                              1    1   0    85   81   +4    1.000     1
5 Corn Palace Cobbers                              1    0   1    81   85   −4    0.000     0
6 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     1    0   1    75   80   −5    0.000     0
7 South Sanford Tanagers                           1    0   1    66   76  −10    0.000     0
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  1    0   1    67   84  −17    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 74–67 Central Plains Governors
Water City Geysers 78–86 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
South Sanford Tanagers 84–64 Mnisose Anglers
Corn Palace Cobbers 78–82 Campanile Tyrannosaurus

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          2    2   0   158  144  +14    1.000     2
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                              2    2   0   159  148  +11    1.000     2
3 Central Plains Governors                         2    1   1   147  149   −2    0.500     1
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     2    1   1   161  158   +3    0.500     1
5 South Sanford Tanagers                           2    1   1   150  140  +10    0.500     1
6 Water City Geysers                               2    1   1   162  153   +9    0.500     1
7 Corn Palace Cobbers                              2    0   2   159  167   −8    0.000     0
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  2    0   2   131  168  −37    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 91–96 Hub City Pond Frogs
Mnisose Anglers 64–75 Corn Palace Cobbers
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 59–73 South Sanford Tanagers
Central Plains Governors 77–76 Water City Geysers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              3    3   0   255  239  +16    1.000     3
2 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          3    2   1   249  240   +9    0.667     2
3 South Sanford Tanagers                           3    2   1   223  199  +24    0.667     2
4 Central Plains Governors                         3    2   1   224  225   −1    0.667     2
5 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     3    1   2   220  231  −11    0.333     1
6 Water City Geysers                               3    1   2   238  230   +8    0.333     1
7 Corn Palace Cobbers                              3    1   2   234  231   +3    0.333     1
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  3    0   3   195  243  −48    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 78–72 Water City Geysers
South Sanford Tanagers 86–79 Central Plains Governors
Corn Palace Cobbers 64–78 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 89–80 Mnisose Anglers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              4    4   0   333  311  +22    1.000     4
2 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          4    3   1   338  320  +18    0.750     3
3 South Sanford Tanagers                           4    3   1   309  278  +31    0.750     3
4 Central Plains Governors                         4    2   2   303  311   −8    0.500     2
5 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     4    2   2   298  295   +3    0.500     2
6 Water City Geysers                               4    1   3   310  308   +2    0.250     1
7 Corn Palace Cobbers                              4    1   3   298  309  −11    0.250     1
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  4    0   4   275  332  −57    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Mnisose Anglers 84–86 Hub City Pond Frogs
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 73–70 Campanile Tyrannosaurus
Central Plains Governors 76–67 Corn Palace Cobbers
Water City Geysers 65–73 South Sanford Tanagers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              5    5   0   419  395  +24    1.000     5
2 South Sanford Tanagers                           5    4   1   382  343  +39    0.800     4
3 Central Plains Governors                         5    3   2   379  378   +1    0.600     3
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     5    3   2   371  365   +6    0.600     3
5 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          5    3   2   408  393  +15    0.600     3
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                              5    1   4   365  385  −20    0.200     1
7 Water City Geysers                               5    1   4   375  381   −6    0.200     1
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  5    0   5   359  418  −59    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 76–77 South Sanford Tanagers
Corn Palace Cobbers 91–71 Water City Geysers
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 78–84 Central Plains Governors
Mnisose Anglers 74–92 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 South Sanford Tanagers                           6    5   1   459  419  +40    0.833     5
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                              6    5   1   495  472  +23    0.833     5
3 Central Plains Governors                         6    4   2   463  456   +7    0.667     4
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     6    4   2   463  439  +24    0.667     4
5 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          6    3   3   486  477   +9    0.500     3
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                              6    2   4   456  456    0    0.333     2
7 Water City Geysers                               6    1   5   446  472  −26    0.167     1
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  6    0   6   433  510  −77    0.000     0


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 80–86 Hub City Pond Frogs
Central Plains Governors 79–80 Mnisose Anglers
Water City Geysers 77–77 Campanile Tyrannosaurus (85–87 OT)
South Sanford Tanagers 82–88 Corn Palace Cobbers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              7    6   1   581  552  +29    0.857     6
2 South Sanford Tanagers                           7    5   2   541  507  +34    0.714     5
3 Central Plains Governors                         7    4   3   542  536   +6    0.571     4
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     7    4   3   543  525  +18    0.571     4
5 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          7    4   3   573  562  +11    0.571     4
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                              7    3   4   544  538   +6    0.429     3
7 Water City Geysers                               7    1   6   531  559  −28    0.143     1
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  7    1   6   513  589  −76    0.143     1


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 103–91 Corn Palace Cobbers
South Sanford Tanagers 89–61 Campanile Tyrannosaurus
Water City Geysers 76–71 Mnisose Anglers
Central Plains Governors 79–100 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              8    7   1   684  643  +41    0.875     7
2 South Sanford Tanagers                           8    6   2   630  568  +62    0.750     6
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     8    5   3   643  604  +39    0.625     5
4 Central Plains Governors                         8    4   4   621  636  −15    0.500     4
5 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          8    4   4   634  651  −17    0.500     4
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                              8    3   5   635  641   −6    0.375     3
7 Water City Geysers                               8    2   6   607  630  −23    0.250     2
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  8    1   7   584  665  −81    0.125     1


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Central Plains Governors 75–88 Hub City Pond Frogs
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 93–83 Water City Geysers
Mnisose Anglers 82–93 South Sanford Tanagers
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 83–78 Corn Palace Cobbers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                              9    8   1   772  718  +54    0.889     8
2 South Sanford Tanagers                           9    7   2   723  650  +73    0.778     7
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                     9    6   3   736  687  +49    0.667     6
4 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                          9    5   4   717  729  −12    0.556     5
5 Central Plains Governors                         9    4   5   696  724  −28    0.444     4
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                              9    3   6   713  724  −11    0.333     3
7 Water City Geysers                               9    2   7   690  723  −33    0.222     2
8 Mnisose Anglers                                  9    1   8   666  758  −92    0.111     1


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 63–77 Campanile Tyrannosaurus
Corn Palace Cobbers 83–64 Mnisose Anglers
South Sanford Tanagers 70–86 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Water City Geysers 63–74 Central Plains Governors

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs                             10    8   2   835  795  +40    0.800     8
2 South Sanford Tanagers                          10    7   3   793  736  +57    0.700     7
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                    10    7   3   822  757  +65    0.700     7
4 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                         10    6   4   794  792   +2    0.600     6
5 Central Plains Governors                        10    5   5   770  787  −17    0.500     5
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                             10    4   6   796  788   +8    0.400     4
7 Water City Geysers                              10    2   8   753  797  −44    0.200     2
8 Mnisose Anglers                                 10    1   9   730  841 −111    0.100     1


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Water City Geysers 80–78 Hub City Pond Frogs
Central Plains Governors 73–83 South Sanford Tanagers
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 82–101 Corn Palace Cobbers
Mnisose Anglers 74–65 Campanile Tyrannosaurus

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 South Sanford Tanagers                          11    8   3   876  809  +67    0.727     8
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                             11    8   3   913  875  +38    0.727     8
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                    11    7   4   904  858  +46    0.636     7
4 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                         11    6   5   859  866   −7    0.545     6
5 Central Plains Governors                        11    5   6   843  870  −27    0.455     5
6 Corn Palace Cobbers                             11    5   6   897  870  +27    0.455     5
7 Water City Geysers                              11    3   8   833  875  −42    0.273     3
8 Mnisose Anglers                                 11    2   9   804  906 −102    0.182     2


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 73–61 Mnisose Anglers
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 84–80 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Corn Palace Cobbers 82–67 Central Plains Governors
South Sanford Tanagers 77–69 Water City Geysers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 South Sanford Tanagers                          12    9   3   953  878  +75    0.750     9
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                             12    9   3   986  936  +50    0.750     9
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                    12    7   5   984  942  +42    0.583     7
4 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                         12    7   5   943  946   −3    0.583     7
5 Corn Palace Cobbers                             12    6   6   979  937  +42    0.500     6
6 Central Plains Governors                        12    5   7   910  952  −42    0.417     5
7 Water City Geysers                              12    3   9   902  952  −50    0.250     3
8 Mnisose Anglers                                 12    2  10   865  979 −114    0.167     2


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
South Sanford Tanagers 67–60 Hub City Pond Frogs
Water City Geysers 57–89 Corn Palace Cobbers
Central Plains Governors 82–68 Campanile Tyrannosaurus
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 91–82 Mnisose Anglers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 South Sanford Tanagers                          13   10   3  1020  938  +82    0.769    10
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                             13    9   4  1046 1003  +43    0.692     9
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                    13    8   5  1075 1024  +51    0.615     8
4 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                         13    7   6  1011 1028  −17    0.538     7
5 Corn Palace Cobbers                             13    7   6  1068  994  +74    0.538     7
6 Central Plains Governors                        13    6   7   992 1020  −28    0.462     6
7 Water City Geysers                              13    3  10   959 1041  −82    0.231     3
8 Mnisose Anglers                                 13    2  11   947 1070 −123    0.154     2


Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association
Hub City Pond Frogs 62–61 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Mnisose Anglers 69–72 Central Plains Governors
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 72–65 Water City Geysers
Corn Palace Cobbers 86–77 South Sanford Tanagers

  Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD    Win %   Pts 
1 South Sanford Tanagers                          14   10   4  1097 1024  +73    0.714    10
2 Hub City Pond Frogs                             14   10   4  1108 1064  +44    0.714    10
3 Campanile Tyrannosaurus                         14    8   6  1083 1093  −10    0.571     8
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse                    14    8   6  1136 1086  +50    0.571     8
5 Corn Palace Cobbers                             14    8   6  1154 1071  +83    0.571     8
6 Central Plains Governors                        14    7   7  1064 1089  −25    0.500     7
7 Water City Geysers                              14    3  11  1024 1113  −89    0.214     3
8 Mnisose Anglers                                 14    2  12  1016 1142 −126    0.143     2

SPBA Eastern Division
Water City Geysers 67–84 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 85–77 South Sanford Tanagers

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   1   1  0   84  67 +17    1.000    1
2 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        1   1  0   85  77  +8    1.000    1
3 South Sanford Tanagers         1   0  1   77  85  −8    0.000    0
4 Water City Geysers             1   0  1   67  84 −17    0.000    0

SPBA Western Division
Corn Palace Cobbers 71–72 Hub City Pond Frogs
Mnisose Anglers 74–79 Central Plains Governors

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Central Plains Governors       1   1  0   79  74  +5    1.000    1
2 Hub City Pond Frogs            1   1  0   72  71  +1    1.000    1
3 Corn Palace Cobbers            1   0  1   71  72  −1    0.000    0
4 Mnisose Anglers                1   0  1   74  79  −5    0.000    0


SPBA Eastern Division
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 79–89 South Sanford Tanagers
Water City Geysers 53–63 Campanile Tyrannosaurus

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        2   2  0  148 130 +18    1.000    2
2 South Sanford Tanagers         2   1  1  166 164  +2    0.500    1
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   2   1  1  163 156  +7    0.500    1
4 Water City Geysers             2   0  2  120 147 −27    0.000    0

SPBA Western Division
Hub City Pond Frogs 90–76 Central Plains Governors
Corn Palace Cobbers 76–66 Mnisose Anglers

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            2   2  0  162 147 +15    1.000    2
2 Corn Palace Cobbers            2   1  1  147 138  +9    0.500    1
3 Central Plains Governors       2   1  1  155 164  −9    0.500    1
4 Mnisose Anglers                2   0  2  140 155 −15    0.000    0


SPBA Eastern Division
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 72–61 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
South Sanford Tanagers 73–76 Water City Geysers

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        3   3  0  220 191 +29    1.000    3
2 South Sanford Tanagers         3   1  2  239 240  −1    0.333    1
3 Water City Geysers             3   1  2  196 220 −24    0.333    1
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   3   1  2  224 228  −4    0.333    1

SPBA Western Division
Mnisose Anglers 60–86 Hub City Pond Frogs
Central Plains Governors 93–73 Corn Palace Cobbers

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            3   3  0  248 207 +41    1.000    3
2 Central Plains Governors       3   2  1  248 237 +11    0.667    2
3 Corn Palace Cobbers            3   1  2  220 231 −11    0.333    1
4 Mnisose Anglers                3   0  3  200 241 −41    0.000    0


SPBA Eastern Division
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 77–67 Water City Geysers
South Sanford Tanagers 72–96 Campanile Tyrannosaurus

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        4   4  0  316 263 +53    1.000    4
2 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   4   2  2  301 295  +6    0.500    2
3 Water City Geysers             4   1  3  263 297 −34    0.250    1
4 South Sanford Tanagers         4   1  3  311 336 −25    0.250    1

SPBA Western Division
Hub City Pond Frogs 78–77 Corn Palace Cobbers
Central Plains Governors 67–70 Mnisose Anglers

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            4   4  0  326 284 +42    1.000    4
2 Central Plains Governors       4   2  2  315 307  +8    0.500    2
3 Corn Palace Cobbers            4   1  3  297 309 −12    0.250    1
4 Mnisose Anglers                4   1  3  270 308 −38    0.250    1


SPBA Eastern Division
South Sanford Tanagers 81–66 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 85–75 Water City Geysers

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        5   5  0  401 338 +63    1.000    5
2 South Sanford Tanagers         5   2  3  392 402 −10    0.400    2
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   5   2  3  367 376  −9    0.400    2
4 Water City Geysers             5   1  4  338 382 −44    0.200    1

SPBA Western Division
Central Plains Governors 66–88 Hub City Pond Frogs
Mnisose Anglers 65–91 Corn Palace Cobbers

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            5   5  0  414 350 +64    1.000    5
2 Central Plains Governors       5   2  3  381 395 −14    0.400    2
3 Corn Palace Cobbers            5   2  3  388 374 +14    0.400    2
4 Mnisose Anglers                5   1  4  335 399 −64    0.200    1


SPBA Eastern Division
Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse 73–85 Campanile Tyrannosaurus
Water City Geysers 73–70 South Sanford Tanagers

  SPBA Eastern Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        6   6  0  486 411 +75    1.000    6
2 South Sanford Tanagers         6   2  4  462 475 −13    0.333    2
3 Water City Geysers             6   2  4  411 452 −41    0.333    2
4 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   6   2  4  440 461 −21    0.333    2

SPBA Western Division
Hub City Pond Frogs 87–79 Mnisose Anglers
Corn Palace Cobbers 76–70 Central Plains Governors

  SPBA Western Division        Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD    Win %  Pts 
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            6   6  0  501 429 +72    1.000    6
2 Corn Palace Cobbers            6   3  3  464 444 +20    0.500    3
3 Central Plains Governors       6   2  4  451 471 −20    0.333    2
4 Mnisose Anglers                6   1  5  414 486 −72    0.167    1

  SPBA Eastern Division         Pld    W   L    Win %
1 Campanile Tyrannosaurus        20   14   6    0.700
2 South Sanford Tanagers         20   12   8    0.600
3 Sanford Falls Slaughterhouse   20   10  10    0.500
4 Water City Geysers             20    5  15    0.250

  SPBA Western Division         Pld    W   L    Win %
1 Hub City Pond Frogs            20   16   4    0.800
2 Corn Palace Cobbers            20   11   9    0.550
3 Central Plains Governors       20    9  11    0.450
4 Mnisose Anglers                20    3  17    0.150

After valiant efforts, the Slaughterhouse and Governors each failed to advance past the regular season, finishing two games behind a playoff spot, while the Geysers and Anglers lagged further behind at the bottom of the league. All eyes will now be on four teams: the Tyrannosaurus and Tanagers in the east and the Pond Frogs and Cobbers in the west, as two single-game playoffs will decide SPBA division champions and the teams to advance to the first SPBA Championship Series.

Each division champion will qualify for IUBC basketball, as will the best regular season runner-up. That means that, even if they lose in the playoffs, the SPBA regular-season champion is guaranteed an IUBC spot. Meanwhile, based on how the standings shook out, both Eastern Division playoff teams will qualify for IUBC basketball unless the Cobbers upset the Pond Frogs, in which case the Western Division will double up.

SPBA Eastern Division Playoff
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 78–78 South Sanford Tanagers (93–85 OT)

SPBA Western Division Playoff
Hub City Pond Frogs 81–90 Corn Palace Cobbers

After a regular season that only saw one game go into overtime out of eighty in total, the league’s first-ever playoff game went into an extra frame. As it happened, the Tyrannosaurus emerged two-for-two in overtime games, as they beat the Tanagers to win the Eastern Division and advance to the SPBA Championship Series. Given the two cities’ long-standing sporting rivalries, the teams’ regular season success, and such a hotly-contested division playoff game with such high stakes, it looks like Tyrannosaurus–Tanagers may already be a successful rivalry.

Meanwhile, the team playing in Sanford’s largest purpose-built basketball arena played the team from the country’s most historic arena. The team with the SPBA’s best record squared off against the team that just barely managed a winning season. And yet, on the road, in front of all those opposing fans, against that formidable team, it was the Cobbers that pulled out on top. They needed to win in order to qualify for IUBC basketball, but more importantly, they needed a win in order to advance to the SPBA Championship Series, and they’ve done just that. As the lower-seeded team, they will not have home court advantage in that series, either, but they’ll hope to spring another upset against another one of the SPBA’s best teams all the same.

SPBA Championship Series Game One
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 79–72 Corn Palace Cobbers

SPBA Championship Series Game Two
Corn Palace Cobbers 61–60 Campanile Tyrannosaurus

SPBA Championship Series Game Three
Campanile Tyrannosaurus 67–75 Corn Palace Cobbers

The championship matchup was delightful for SPBA organizers, pitting two teams from outside Sanford’s two largest cities, from two cities known for their love of basketball even in its amateur days, and predicted to be among Sanfordan basketball’s most popular teams — the Tyrannosaurus, for their unique, fun, family-friendly branding, and the Cobbers, capitalizing on the international popularity of the Corn Palace. Both teams would be joining the Hub City Pond Frogs in testing that popularity abroad in the IUBC, but the question remained: which one would do it as SPBA champions?

Well, we have our inaugural Sanfordan Professional Basketball Association champions, and they are the Corn Palace Cobbers!

The Cobbers won their championship the hard way, playing three of their four playoff games at home and playing on the verge of elimination the maximum three times. The two teams had played twice in the regular season, both times with similar results: an 83–78 Tyrannosaurus win at Veglas Arena and an 83–78 Tyrannosaurus win at the Corn Palace. That said, they had a shot, and they made it count.

Game one was a fairly straightforward win for the Tyrannosaurus. A late Cobbers rally made the scoreboard close, but the seven-point margin was about as close as the game got for the whole second half in Derry, and the Cobbers were on the ropes heading back to McGovern.

The Corn Palace was the site of a classic, though, as although the home team got out to an early lead, the Tyrannosaurus reeled them in, looking to end the series a game early, and the second half was a constant back-and-forth. Down by four with just over half a minute left, the Tyrannosaurus sank a corner three to pull within one, after which the Cobbers’ own shot landed off target. The Tyrannosaurus drove down the court, took a final timeout, and finally drained the clock to a single shot — but the Cobbers managed to snuff out the play, blocking the Tyrannosaurus attempt and surviving, by a single point, to play an all-or-nothing game three.

After finally managing to beat the Tyrannosaurus for the first time, the Cobbers would have to do it again on the road to win the title — while the Tyrannosaurus would have to bounce back and win to take the trophy. Unfortunately for the team in cyan and purple, the visitors started off on a scorching run and didn’t let up, taking a thirteen-point lead into halftime. Campanile got the crowd back into it in the second half, eventually closing the gap to within four, but they never got any closer.

Up 68–64 in the final minute, the Cobbers followed a dagger three by intercepting an errant pass. The resultant layup on the fast break pushed the team’s lead to 73–64 with little time remaining. The Tyrannosaurus pulled to within six on the next possession, but they needed to intentionally foul, and the Cobbers sank both of their free throws. After the Tyrannosaurus missed a contested three with less than ten seconds left on the clock, the hosts held their heads in dejection, and the visitors began to celebrate on the court — soon joined by their teammates on the bench and then the visiting fans who had made the drive from McGovern. Final score: 75–67, Cobbers. Corn Palace win the series — and the first-ever SPBA championship — two games to one.

[Greater Sanford]

Content warning: sexual offences, death, mental health

SANFORD FALLS, Sanford — In shocking developments out of Pavola overnight, banking executive D. Tommy Sanford has been arrested on multiple charges of possession of child pornography.

The nation of Sanford’s richest man, and the namesake of both the country and its largest city, was indicted by embattled Sanford Attorney General Jack Ravensburg — in what may be his last official act in office if he is formally charged on articles of impeachment against him in the Sanford House of Representatives tomorrow. Rumors had swirled of an investigation, but the indictment and arrest shocked the nation.

D. Tommy Sanford had built an international subprime banking empire with PREMIER Bank and PREMIER BankCard by targeting low-credit borrowers with few other credit options and charging exorbitant — in some cases, critics have alleged, even extortionate — interest rates. Sanford’s positive public image was solidified in his home country after he made a $400 million donation to its largest health care network, which subsequently renamed itself TS Health in his honor. He would eventually donate more than one billion dollars of his own personal wealth to TS Health.

After donating to many local and national institutions, Sanford reached a monumental public-private partnership with both the nation and its largest city, to secure naming rights for himself in the name of both the country and the city in exchange for sizable financial contributions. The exact terms of the deals have not been publicly released, but officials have assured citizens that the contributions were substantial. As a result, D. Tommy Sanford now lives in the city of Sanford Falls and in the nation of Sanford.

Internationally, Sanford is most well-known for having recently expanded his business ventures to the world of sport, placing his PREMIER Bank on the map by buying football clubs in Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom (Sanford Der Berg PREMIER FK), Brenecia (Sanford PREMIER United Rozelle FC), the Licentian Isles (Sanford Carrington PREMIER United FC), and Sanford (Sanford Falls PREMIER); by sponsoring competitions in Quebec and Shingoryeo (the Sanford Cup) and Sanford (the Sanford PREMIER League and the Sanford PREMIER Cup); by investing in popular football video game PREMIER Football Star!; and by bidding to host the most recent edition of the Copa Rushmori. Sanford was also widely known to be the impetus behind his nation’s participation in IFCF, CRF, and other international competition in recent years. It is unknown how these developments will affect any of these ventures, but reports of several prominent foreign players making plans to leave Sanford immediately have already begun to circulate.

The story is an astonishing twist in what had previously been a political drama of largely only national interest. Two years ago, Sanford Attorney General Jack Ravensburg struck and killed a pedestrian, Robert Williams, on a rural stretch of road while returning home from a fundraising dinner. When calling for emergency services, Ravensburg immediately told the dispatcher that he was the nation’s attorney general before claiming he had hit a deer. The county sheriff, Mick Folk, reported to the scene of the accident and did a preliminary search before allowing Ravensburg to drive home in Folk’s own personal vehicle. Folk did not administer a DUI test or interview Ravensburg that night. Williams’s body was discovered the next morning.

Since that time, Ravensburg has maintained that the crash was an accident, that he sincerely believed to have hit a deer, and that he acted properly throughout the entire period. Ravensburg pled no contest to misdemeanor traffic charges and served no jail time for his role in the crash, but public opinion turned against him sharply after the investigative report was leaked. Among its most damning findings, it noted that Williams’s glasses were discovered on the floor of Ravensburg’s car after the accident — meaning that his face would have not only been visible to Ravensburg when he was hit, but his face would have had to have gone through the attorney general’s windshield at some point.

Ravensburg has disputed such characterizations of the incident, and his legal team has even gone so far as to question the victim’s mental health, implying that the crash was not an accident, but a suicide — even going so far as to cast Ravensburg as the victim. The strategy has not seemed to work, as even many members of Ravensburg’s own dominant ruling party have cast doubt on Ravensburg’s claims of ignorance and innocence — including, most prominently, Sanford’s governor, Kirsten Nohm, who called on Ravensburg to resign.

Nohm has led the charge to impeach Ravensburg. If the House of Representatives votes to impeach Ravensburg tomorrow, he would be temporarily suspended from office pending a trial in the Sanford Senate — and if he is convicted, he would be removed from office, and Nohm would be entitled to name his successor. Nohm has indicated she would select Ravensburg’s predecessor, Martin Jackson, to serve the remainder of Ravensburg’s term. Since leaving office, Jackson has served as D. Tommy Sanford’s personal attorney.

Nohm has pounced on the opportunity to call Ravensburg’s ability to serve into question after her former political ally announced he had opened formal ethics investigations into Nohm’s alleged misappropriation of public resources and her alleged threats to fire a government regulator who had initially refused to grant Nohm’s daughter a real estate appraiser’s license, but then reversed her decision, after her daughter had failed the licensure test.

Ravensburg announced that his office had opened the investigation into D. Tommy Sanford two years ago — and just two weeks before the attorney general’s fatal pedestrian crash. Sanford personal attorney Martin Jackson had hitherto successfully ensured the investigation would remain sealed by a court, but upon Sanford’s arrest, the charges became a matter of public record. Neither Jackson nor Sanford himself had any comment on the allegations, though Nohm attacked Ravensburg for what she characterized as “another desperate political stitch-up job to irrevocably slander the reputation of perhaps this nation’s finest, most outstanding citizen, just hours before he will finally lose the ability to wield the power of his office as a political weapon.” Ravensburg’s response: “Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.”

After its governor came under investigation for multiple ethics scandals, its chief prosecutor who oversaw the investigation killed a man, its richest man and most towering public presence was arrested on that prosecutor’s allegations of sexual crimes, and that governor’s choice to be that prosecutor’s successor looks primed to be the lawyer who defended that richest man against those heinous allegations, there is no telling what is next for the nation of Sanford. All that seems certain is that nothing in Sanford will ever be quite the same.