Inaugural CAFA Cup: RP/Scores Thread

[Starblaydia]

Behind his mirrored, steel-rimmed sunglasses, standard issue for the Praetoran Navy’s senior officers, Captain Tapani Kimmo chewed his watermelon and blueberry-flavoured gum with the partially open mouth and the soft squelching saliva sounds of a man who knew he was master of all he surveyed.

The surveillance was made easier with his Oz53-BS field binoculars, again standard issue on board any Starblaydi ship. The lavender-tinted lenses offered 10x magnification on a 50mm objective lens, bringing the remaining ships of the Starblaydi Bekk Fleet, Task Force Bekkwatch into sharply enhanced focus. The Blade Grey standard colour scheme of the eleven vessels surrounding his ship surged proudly through the calm waters of the largest enclosed body of water in Anaia. The radio on the bridge of the Custodian-class* guided missile destroyer was crackling softly with commentary on the CAFA Cup, but Starblaydia were losing 4-3 to the team in Cyan.

“Sir,” one of his Lieutenants piped up “who shall we Anaia-late today?”

The smile on the Ell-Tee Jay-Gee’s face was clearly audible, even as Kimmo’s attention was focused on the folded blades of a JS-85 ASW/ASuW stealth attack helicopter, under maintenance on a carrier ship some 1600 yards away.

“Ousevale, Mercia, Beckton and Emberton,” the man with the four bars on his shoulders said dryly, the command snapping the junior grade Lieutenant into action, “warm ‘em up, set co-ordinates.”

“Aye sir!” the Lieutenant said, turning to his communication panel. “All hands, training exercise Six-Niner-X-Ray, warm up tubes Three, Five, Seven and Eleven, and turn that game off!”

“Keep me updated, Sparks,” the Captain reminded his radio man, always known for being a football fan.

Across the ship, sailors went into action, preparing the main armament of the ship, Balrog Land Attack Missiles (BLAMs) for training exercise virtual firing. These Balrogs were the latest type-O version, with each BLAM-O EDM-420 able to dial in a setting to deliver a variable yield of between 5 and 109.3 kilotons of nuclear destruction upon a surface target.

As lights turned green across the control panels of the bridge, the ‘Nuke’ – shorthand for a nuclear technician on a naval ship - turned his firing key in the slot and flipped open the plastic cover that prevented the little red button from being pushed accidentally. Big red buttons are easier to accidentally press, after all. Everything was ready. It was a tense moment across the ship, even if it was only training.

“Sir, we are green across the board, all enemy cities targeted.”

“Very good, Ensign,” the Captain said, enjoying the feel of the power for a moment before his thoughts were interrupted.

“Sir,” his radio operator sparked up, forehead contorted into a frown of disbelief, “the score. It’s Five.”

“God in heaven,” Kimmo replied, “Five-Three?”

“Firing Three!” shouted his LTJG, immediately. The bridge suddenly became a place of furious noise and blinding light as the cruise missile tore its way out of the firing tube and into the sky, heading towards Mercia.

“Um,” Captain Kimmo said, meekly, “abort?”



OOC Note, which hopefully does not count for the 500 words above:
*The Custodian-class takes the role of the RL Arleigh Burke-class in the Starblaydi Navy, and is roughly between a Cyclone-class and an Iowa-class in equivalence.

[Chromatika]

181 Rain Heights Ave
Chromia, Capital District, Chromatika

The first inklings of trouble came at seven in the morning at 181 Rain Heights Avenue. Paul, the next door neighbor, noticed that the poodle that was usually let out every morning for a walk wasn't coming by his door as he was drinking his coffee. As his neighbor was always a very punctual woman, Paul raised an eyebrow. He did remember hearing her car come back the other evening - they were acquaintances, and kept an eye on each other's safety - and she hadn't gone out early that morning. He knew that she had lived a life of fame and valued her privacy - he had helped her stave off paparazzi before. This wasn't one of those times, though. It was going to be a normal day, except Dario the poodle wasn't walking or cheerfully barking.

Thirty minutes later, Paul started to really get worried. Usually by now, his neighbor would be getting out of her house to go get Dario, who would've finished his walk. Then, she was out of the door by seven forty-five to go to wherever she needed to for the day. Privacy mattered a lot, but safety also mattered, and he decided to go check up on her.

He knocked on the door three times, and then rang the doorbell; when there wasn't an immediate response, he knocked on the door three more times. All he heard in reply was silence. There wasn't even the sound of Dario barking, which sent alarm bells ringing in his head. He immediately called 119, and started to feverishly pound on the door.

This brought the next closest neighbor, an elderly woman named Heidi, who confirmed everything that Paul knew: their mutual neighbor had come in the last night before, stayed, and not left. Something was definitely wrong here.

However, nobody could've guessed the scene when the Chromia Central Police Department opened the front door and got in. The first thing that they found was an empty leash - Dario would not be found that day, and was actually found a week later abandoned at a city park in northern Chromia. The next thing they found was a trail of rose petals leading from the front door to the bedroom.

With grim looks on their faces, the CCPD officers opened the bedroom door to find a haunting scene. There, laying on the bed, above the blankets, was the dead body of the woman that they had come to find, a look of horror on her face. There was no blood, marks, or wounds of any kind; an autopsy would show that she had died of cardiac arrest three hours ago. That would've made sense except that Dario the poodle was gone.

That was how Chromia woke up one morning and found out that Ga-yeong Han, 34, had passed away in the middle of the night.

That was how the Anomalies found out that they were under more scrutiny than they had originally thought.

[Yesopalitha]

The Blood Red Moon, Part 4

By the time that Grieda made it back to the outpost that she reported out of, she was barely alive. However, she was able to do her duty and inform her contact about what she had been told before passing out. The news of the assault reached the trio of Cozaen Payne, Stridita Rane, and Crezhul Nightshade. They put out a Priority 1 Alert to all outstanding agents, warned them of the impending threat, and started to really examine where the leak could have sprung.

As for whom the creature could have been working with, or working for, the likelihood of it being an agent of the Bidden seemed to be rather slim; for the being to have mentioned the "Bidden" by name would have been something that the non-traditionally evil creatures would never partake in. No, it had to be some other maleficent being who was actually fine with the damage that the species of light and darkness were causing to each other, which meant that their enemy actually transcended both species and morality.

Where did that leave the Black Hand? Admittedly, not in a much different place. The Red Moon was still approaching, and the ritual that they had planned - one that would restore free will to all the Unbidden to choose for themselves instead of being innately being told to do one thing or another - was worthy any cost. All of their agents knew the risk being taken by associating with their movement; to stop now would be folly.

Which led to yet another question: There wasn't much possibility that the being would have known that they would give up just by threatening them once. So, what had been the point of the assault? To show up from the get-go and threaten them? To scare them?

As Greida's wounds healed, it became apparent that she would never be the same again. Specifically, her fangs started to look a little different than standard vampires. Instead of the traditional fangs, hers looked more like barbed hooks that would sink into a victim's neck and actually tear on the way out. Her fingernails became claws and she became more feral, more sensitive to the light. The Black Hand had to relieve her of her duties as an agent and have a memory wipe administered on her so that she would not be a liability.

She was yet another casualty to a growing list of fallen people who had given their lives trying to change the "natural" order of things. The reason that they had to succeed was to make sure that their sacrifices hadn't been in vain. That the endless cycle of good killing evil killing good had to stop, at least to the point where the individual got to choose instead of the cosmos just telling them what they were. If they could introduce that key variable, the rest would take care of themselves.

So, despite the mounting heavy losses, they carried on.

[Kotzellach]

Cocoabo Forest 1-0 Kotzellach

KTZ (4-5-1): 1 - Zeidler, 2 - Knauer, 20 - Bolz, 5 - Engels, 19 - Ries; 14 - Kruger (7 - Heine, 80'), 6 - Preuß, 8 - Foster (15 - Brauer, 45'), 17 - Gerhardt, 9 - Winter (21 - Trautmann, 74'); 11 - Weller

KTZ scorers: nil
COF scorers: Cocoabo #86 (29')

Player of the Match: Cocoabo #86 (COF)

XUOIS vs KOTZELLACH @ CAERANGELION, NUMALIA
Starters: 1 - Zeidler, 2 - Knauer, 4 - Starke, 5 - Engels, 19 - Ries; 14 - Kruger, 6 - Preuß, 13 - Eberle, 15 - Brauer, 9 - Winter; 11 - Weller
Subs 12 - Kirschner, 23 - Vogel; 3 - Balzer, 20 - Bolz, 18 - Höhn, 16 - Koller, 19 - Ries; 7 - Heine, 8 - Foster, 17 - Gerhardt, 10 - Borchert, 21 - Trautmann; 22 - Heinemann

---

In preparation for the upcoming season of the Kotzellachian Premier Division,
Die Kotzellacher Zeitung presents...

Gleikinger SV

Roster

Pos	No	Name			 Age	Sex	Nationality
MG		Wernher Baumgärtner	49	M	Kotzellach

Starters
GK	1	Leonard Kirschner	34	M	Kotzellach
LB	2	Martin Kurz		25	M	Kotzellach
CB	6	Pascal Wolff		24	M	Kotzellach
CB	3	Harold Wüst		28	M	Kotzellach
RB	5	Otmar Grabowski		22	M	Kotzellach
CDM	4	Yvonne Kühne		22	F	Kotzellach
LM	14	Sabine Krüger		27	F	Kotzellach
CM	8	Nils Schön		29	M	Kotzellach
CM	10	Corinna Bachmann	21	F	Kotzellach
RM	9	Catrin Heckmann		18	F	Kotzellach
ST	11	Heinz-Hermann Hagen	23	M	Kotzellach

Reserves
GK	12	Jan Klostermann		24	M	Kotzellach
LB	15	Paweł Kobus		18	M	Kotzellach
CB	18	Edgar Fritz		31	M	Kotzellach
CB	16	Karl-Josef Dörr		32	M	Kotzellach
RB	22	Alexandra Jürgens	26	F	Kotzellach
CM	21	Theodor Kreuzer		25	M	Kotzellach
CM	19	Sophie Thiemann		26	F	Kotzellach
LW	31	Kirsten Sprenger	19	F	Kotzellach
RW	24	Wolfgang Schlüter	30	M	Kotzellach
ST	17	Sabina Schiffer		32	F	Kotzellach

Bold indicates players in the national team.

Quick Facts

Location: Gleiking, Gr. Kotzellach
Last Season: 1.Liga, 7th
Stadium: Silberpark-Stadion, 27,500 capacity
Nickname: die Tiefe, die Könige
Manager: Wernher Baumgärtner, 49
Style of Play: Midfield domination and steady possession.
Prediction: Midfield battlers
Support them if...: Dark green's your thing, or if you live on the peninsula of Greater Kotzellach but simply cannot be arsed to support any teams from the city itself.

LAST SEASON: Considering that Sabine Krüger is probably the best wide midfielder in the league, 7th was a major disappointment for the team. Then again, they did suffer the ignominy of losing their starting goalkeeper halfway through the season to injury — and their form never recovered. With Kirschner back in the saddle, they must hope for an improvement in their fortunes, though he is getting on in age — and there are rumours that his recovery has not gone as well as some have hoped.

HISTORY: Hailing from a small suburb just outside Kotzellach City proper, Gleiking are where they are right now through a right mix of transfer guile, sheer determination, and a lot of luck. Owned by local-boy-turned-good Dietmar Klostermann (no relation to backup keeper Jan), he invested in the squad and the youth academy, allowing them to bring through the greatest talent of the club's history — Sabine Krüger — at the same time that the club began amassing a run of form. They won their 2. Liga title back in the day with time aplenty to spare, narrowly survived their first season in the 1. Liga, and have entered a rhythm of being a midtable side ever since.

EXPECTATIONS: Hopes are high, even if the difference between the fans' expectations and the actual quality of the playing squad differs. They'll be a midtable side for sure, but things could go south very rapidly.

STYLE OF PLAY: Manager Baumgärtner utilises a 4-1-4-1 system, with emphasis on retaining possession and a steady buildup. This in turn means the tempo of play that Gleikinger utilise is amongst the slowest, if not the slowest, in the league. Much emphasis is put on passing to each other in the middle while slowly finding a way past, wearing the other team out or by inviting a rash challenge.

KEY PLAYERS: Kirschner between the sticks will be crucial, as will Krüger on the left; but for the season to go anywhere players like Yvonne Kühne, replacing the recently departed old defensive midfielder, must step up and provide hope for the fans of the only club on the most-crowded peninsula that isn't from the city proper. It's not that far from it, but they'll happily claim they're not from the big city itself.

[Mertagne]

Horatian Ode, anyone?

ODE TO THE MERTAGNIAN FOOTBALL TEAM

I've seen this team through several draws,
And met with thunderous applause,
Yet it's taken me 'till here,
For my respect to come clear.

Our team's defence is quite second-to-few,
With ol' Stelos and Axlor coming through,
They're capable and bright,
And their ball-stops quite a sight.

Midfield's got a soft spot in my heart,
Especially when Drunt and Eclis start,
The two work in as one,
And the ball is often won.

Our strikers have a chance at something great,
When they pick up on chances we create.
Vantula's got a foot,
Where he says - the ball's put.

I really hope our team's good form improves,
I'd genuinely hate to see us lose,
We're good for the CAFA,
But long is the ladder...

[Ko-oren]

OOC: I'm not ready to admit how long it took me to type this up. I hope it makes sense. Welcome to the most experimental thing I've done.

Nil-nil boo-boo

Core scores around round two too bad: sad. Where we're so-so two-for-two on nil-nil back-to-back, see C half have won one. Kry cry 'I've five!', Star starts un-won; rank rank. Well well, why Huay bully Bulls? Haute Aut eye tie to too gauche Ko. Thesh sesh: 'Tchell yell "No, no!", safe save, ball roll to two backs, back again, gain clear clear. And in vogue Vaug's box-to-box play splay deaf defence hence top stop will still cease C's naught-naught awe draw.

[Flavovespia]

Osarius 2 – 3 Flavovespia

14’ : GOAL - Flavovespia! Michael Cole flashes a whipped cross in. Didier Karembeu can only knock it into his own goal attempting to stop Coleman.

24’: GOAL - Osarius! Danielle Jackson gets past Alexander May, then fires a powerful shot with great accuracy. Aarif Muhammad stood no chance.

32’ : GOAL - Osarius! A misplaced pass by David Blythe is intercepted by Jackson. One touch, a shot and it was straight past an out of position Aarif Muhammad.

87’: GOAL - Flavovespia! Hall darts into the box, and Dafne Cesario’s trips him. Coleman steps up and equalises with an accurate penalty.

90+6’: GOAL - Flavovespia! Hall’s free-kick is parried by Aurelio Cesario, but only to Coleman who taps in the rebound to win it!

Flavovespia 3 – 3 Legalese

6’: GOAL - Legalese! Nerves at the back hit Flavovespia, a mix-up allows a free header for Fredrick Charlot to score first.

26’ GOAL - Flavovespia! A good cross from Cole, and Coleman holds off the defender to head home.

29’ GOAL - Flavovespia! Hall’s great curling effort from 20 metres beats Ramon Clinch.

32’ GOAL - Legalese! Bode Calderson has the space and time to place it past Aarif Muhammd.

43’ GOAL - Flavovespia! Cole’s curling shot from a tight angle is enough for Flavovespia’s 3rd goal.

47’ GOAL - Legalese! Mark Gelabert hits a powerful shot from 25 metres out, and it goes in just under the bar.

The editors would also like to apologise to Austailia. We mistakenly referred to “Kevin and Ephraim the Wretched”, a grammatical ambiguity. We must emphasise that only Ephraim is “the Wretched”, Kevin is just Kevin. Neither would claim the other’s title. Nor are they one goat with the name “Kevin and Ephraim the Wretched”.

[Ochre Islands]

(OOC: Words below this line: 1093)

---BSS Kelly Firth---

The BSS Kelly Firth is a Fenton-Class guided-missile cruiser, a member of the “Bostopian Anaian Fleet” which regularly patrols the waters between The Bostopian Anaian Claim of the Ochre Islands and the enemy states nearby. Today's mission had been a reconnaissance and suppression mission of any locals seen off towards the north-east edge of the Ochre's EEZ. It had been a long time by Bostopian standards since the last foreign fishing vessel (and a dirty looking one at that) was politely requested to “Jimmy do one, bruv, eh?” However, Admiral Granpolla was still proud of the job his men had done that one long hours ago.

Admiral Granpolla stood on the deck of the warship, scanning the ocean waves with nothing but a decent enough pair of sunglasses for assistance. The sunglasses had served him well for almost as long as Bostopia had been in Anaia, having picked them up from a beachside vendor in one of the backwater countries they'd invited themselves to around two to three years ago on their way to the Ochres. Granpolla took his sunglasses off and looked at them, reading the text on the sticker on the inside of the arm “Made in Mertagne”. “Now that had been a bloody good day” he thought to himself.

It had not, in fact, been a “bloody good day” for the Bostopian Navy. The Bostopian Anaian Fleet had mistakenly sailed to the north of the largest Anaian continent, which was, to be precise, known as “the long way round” to get to the Ochres. Starting to become short of supplies and fearing mutiny, two aircraft took off from the carrier in the fleet and scouted the coastline of the country they were heading toward. Granpolla ordered a company of men into a Landing Craft, along with the ships Quartermasters, and they had powered toward the destination of choice, the main fleet setting anchor just inside Mertagnian waters due to calculation errors that had undetected since the fleet moved from one region to another.

Holidaymakers had been stunned to see landing craft approaching the pristine shores they were enjoying, let alone around 150 soldiers and a couple of 4x4s suddenly pouring off a ramp into the shallow seas. There was also an overly smartly-dressed man at the back of the ship trying to use his hand to keep the glare of the midday sun away from his eyes. Whilst the soldiers had formed some sort of an orderly queue, they were doing so to flash their passports at the first local they saw, who in fact happened to be very confused and trying to rent parasols out by the hour to beach-goers. Once passed what they thought was one of the more advanced border controls they had come across, they began escorting the quartermasters into the nearest supermarkets and wholesale merchants they could find.

The soldiers had of course paid their way, and were slowly re-embarking after a trip to the amusement arcade at the end of the pier when the overly smartly-dressed Granpolla stopped suddenly at a vendor on the parade. He surveyed the cheap sunglasses on offer, picking up a pair, trying them on, then, being pleased with himself for a job well done, threw enough of a wad of cash at the vendor that ensured he hadn't had to work for a solid year.

Of course, the Bostopian Fleet ended up being chased out of Mertagnian waters by their Navy, who had taken a little bit of time to establish that the cash and carrys being rather peaceably invaded was in fact not a joke. Granpolla overlooked the being chased away bit in his official report, which led to his promotion to Admiral, especially helped by his act of bravery rescuing a maiden from false imprisonment (in reality, he had won a stuffed toy on a grabber machine).

Granpolla was snapped out of his happy memories by sirens sounding across the ship. “Code Red, Code Red, Code Red” called out across the tannoy, summoning all hands to their stations. Granpolla looked up at the bridge, the windows gleaming in the sunlight, a picture of calm and grace in all seasons. Then he ran. He ran across the deck, flinging himself into the first passageway door. Realising it was the wrong passageway, he ran back out, then ran into the next one, which was correct. He located the stairway, the shoes on his feet making metallic sounds as he charged up the stairs toward the bridge. Fortunately, he didn't trip too much despite the sunglasses and was still recognised by the crew member standing guard outside the bridge itself.

He charged in, out of breath and quite light headed from running up the stairs, sirens still sounding around him not helping decision making at all. “Status!” Granpolla yelled, pulling his sunglasses off and struggling with the change of light now too. He approached his senior officers who were huddled around satellite tracking maps. “A barrage of missiles has launched from Starblaydia on a trajectory toward the Ochres, Admiral” one of the officers replied. Granpolla looked down at the maps, watching the projected tracks of the missiles firmly heading toward the Ochre Islands. It looked like there was ...something... between Starblaydia and the Ochres but he wasn't quite able to make it out.

Another tone was audible now. “Message from the Emperor, Admiral!” a junior officer called out rather excitedly. “Wants to know if we could send a fleet of tanks to intercept the missiles, Sir?” “Tanks but no tanks, Emperor” Granpolla thought, now with images of flying tanks in his mind to add to the general chaos in his head.

“We must protect Bostopian territory, even here, at all costs!” Granpolla said out loud. This was his moment, the moment where Admiral Granpolla could really show the crown jewels of the Bostopian fleet, their anti-missile technology credentials to the world. “Are the interceptors ready?”

“They are, Admiral” another commander called, headset against one ear. “But they'd intercept the missiles over something called a 'Krytenia'.” Granpolla charged over to the tracking map again, his eyes still adjusting to the difference in light conditions, rubbing them futilely.

“Fire those interceptor missiles now” Granpolla yelled. “I see no Krytenia!”

Ochre Islands 4 – 3 Xannerian Sunbelt Islands

You have been watching...

GK - Walters.
Defence - Lambert, Gordon, Davey (Sub. Hart 45'), Burke (Sub. Moore 73').
Midfield – Walters (Sub. Read 82'), Thomas, Cummings, Watkins.
Strikers - Wilkinson, Holland.

Goals – Wilkinson 11', 65'. Holland 29'. Watkins 79'

[Grande Cucina]

Grande Cucina 4-5 Northwest Kalactin

GCU (3-5-2): 1 - Pappardelle; 21 - Pizzoccheri, 4 - Struncatura, 5 - Fiori, 16 - Stringozzi, 3 - Ditali (19 - Cappelli, 78'); 6 - Calamaranta, 8 - Chifferi, 18 - Linguine (15 - Festoni, 84'); 7 - Tagliatelle, 9 - Gramigne (11 - Tortellini, 53')

GCU scorers: Enrico Tagliatelle (3', 64', 71'), Rosa Gramigne (7')

Player of the Match: Enrico Tagliatelle (GCU)

GRANDE CUCINA STARTING XI vs PERLASILANGAN @ CITY GROUNDS, MAINSAIL
Starters: 1 - Pappardelle; 21 - Pizzoccheri, 4 - Struncatura, 5 - Fiori, 16 - Stringozzi, 3 - Ditali; 6 - Calamaranta, 8 - Chifferi, 18 - Linguine; 7 - Tagliatelle, 11 - Tortellini
Bench: 12 - Mafaldine, 13 - Cencioni; 17 - Taglierini, 20 - Cavatappi, 19 - Cappelli; 13 - Bavette, 14 - Boccoli, 15 - Festoni, 21 - Ricciolini; 9 - Gramigne, 22 - Canederli
Injured - Unavailable: 2 - Farfalline

FRANCESCO RAVIOLO - WHO IS HE?

Boiardi Award-winning journalist FRANCESCO RAVIOLO is LA GAZZETTO DELLO CALCIO's leading Sports Correspondent, and author of several books. His two most famous works are Prezzemolo: La creazione di una leggenda and Sistema Cucina: Il lavandino delle opportunità, a biography of Grande Cucinan playing and managing legend Giancarlo Prezzemolo (also father of the current national team manager, Antonio) and a history of Grande Cucinan football and its tactical evolution.

His career in football journalism began at the age of 19, after he managed to first break the story of Gisueppe Pappardelle's transfer from CS Barilla to Ronzoni — major news in the Cucinan footballing sphere. He joined LA GAZZETTO DELLO CALCIO shortly afterwards. He currently serves as Lead Correspondent on the Transfer Desk for LA GAZZETTO DELLO CALCIO, and is renowned for his feed on twii.tur, where he shares transfer information with his legion of followers on the platform.

When not flying around the world, Raviolo, 31, is based in Barilla, Grande Cucina. He lives with his wife and two children. In his spare time, he enjoys growing plants and cooking.

[Krytenia]

The sirens blared in the radar control room of KRAF Heelandhill, some fifty miles inland of Stanton. The lieutenant checked the blip on his screen, and slammed a large violet button on his control panel. The sirens went into overdrive, with a monotonous voice added to join the general din.

CODE PURPLE. CODE PURPLE.

In the capital, Penelope Baker was ushered to the sub-basement of Portland House.

In the Beck, meanwhile, the battleship KNV Ganymede was about to get a rather frenzied transmission from the other side of the inland sea...

---

"This is an all points broadcast to ships of the Krytenian Navy. Do you read?"
Commander Francis Todhunter, on the bridge of the Ganymede, answered the radio. "This is the Krytenian Naval Vessel Ganymede. State your name and purpose."
"This is Captain Tipani Kimmo of the Starblaydi Navy ship *static*. There has been an incident on board our ship, and a missile is currently in flight towards Mercia. The missile is a training blank, and carries no warhead, and we are currently attempting a controlled descent into an uninhabited area. Please do not be alarmed."
"Mercia, Captain? Could you be a little more specific?"
"What do you want, a street address?"
"Well, no, it's just that Mercia is three states making up the entire southern part of the nation."
"...so where do Mercia Bromham play?"
"Bromham."
"Oh."

---

In the sub-basement of Portland House, Penelope Baker breathed a sigh of relief. The Starblaydi missile was a dummy, and currently on a trajectory to crash into farmland somewhere between Shruton and Wroxham. The apology from the Starblaydi official that she had spoken to had been profuse, and the conversation in the end was good-humoured - both parties had decided to blame it if necessary on Alun Belmwr, the Mercia Bromham striker whose first goal of a match-winning hat-trick had been Krytenia's three thousandth in international football.

The reverie was broken by a second emergency call, this time from the other coast at KRAF Reacher Bay.

Penelope rubbed her temples. "Oh, now what?!?"

---

Squadron Twenty were the crack pilots of the famed Krytenian Royal Air Force. First seeing action in the Xilean-Krytenian War as Tango Squadron, becoming a "Twenty" was the pinnacle of an Air Force pilot's career. Having a flight suit with the squadron badge, a single black rose with the motto "Ex rosa spina" - "The Thorns of the Rose" - got you instant respect. Nine of the squadron's finest were now on their way to intercept some Interceptors - Bostopian missiles approaching the west coast.

These men and women are not known for making mistakes. One missile, however, got past the scrambled jets. The radar station at Reacher Bay watched the blip as it passed over the coastal city, nearby Newley...and all the way to the field adjacent to the one where the dud Starblaydi missile had crashed not thirty seconds earlier. There was a loud bang and spraying of blood, bones and dirt as the warhead impacted an unsuspecting cow.

Back at Portland House, Penelope Baker waited for an answer on the other end of the phone, and unleashed hell.
"BOSTON! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?!?"

---

The following morning, the remnants of the Starblaydi missile were quietly transported to the nation's embassy in Emberton. The embassy staff opened the box; atop the fragments of ordinance was a sky blue shirt, emblazoned with the name "BELMWR" and the squad number 53.

[Avorago]

HOW TO WRITE ABOUT A 6-4 VICTORY IN EXACTLY 289 WORDS

Following the 3-0 victory over Kotzellach, Avorago’s defence could be excused for thinking that they were a whole lot better than what they really were in reality. But Pyazhnaya were another aggressive-minded team, although they didn’t go to the same hyper-attacking extent the Avoragans did. But it was still enough to put an astonishing number of goals past Avoragan goalkeeper Coobine Muljohn.

In total, four balls hit the back of the Avoragan net, including three in the final half hour to put the pressure on. Four goals. Enough to send any team’s hopes down to the core of the planet, no matter how well they performed beforehand.

But if that was the case, then how have Avorago got six points from two games? That’s two wins from two. Did they cheat or have the hosts decided to do things a little differently?

No and no.

Avorago won on their own merits.

By scoring six goals.

Elechi Ibeamaka opened the scoring in the seventh minute before Eberegbulam Onwuamaeze chipped in with a goal in the ninth to put Avorago 2-0 up early on. Nine minutes later, though, Inna Parshikova deflected a cross from Svetlana Ananyeva into the back of the net, but Chifo Chiazagomekpele thundered a penalty home to put Avorago 3-1.

Goals to Ibeamaka and Okwaduigbo Chiemela put Avorago 5-1 up, but two quick goals to Pyazhnaya kept their hopes alive, although Nwabugwu Achebe wasn’t having any of it to put Avorago 6-3 up. Despite a second goal to Ananyeva, the Primates held on for a 6-4 victory.

Whup, there goes my word count!

AVORAGO - 6
Ibeamaka 7’, 38’
Onwuamaeze 9’
Chiazagomekpele 26’ (p)
Chiemela 56’
Achebe 79’

PYAZHNAYA - 4
Parshikova 18’
Ananyeva 65’, 87’
Annenkov 68’

Word Count: 300 (including box score and not this bit)

[Mont Vert]

Isaac Joseph had been flying high ever since the 84th minute of the match against Chromatika, when he had climbed above Cylie Nodis and got his head first to the corner from Roméo Latour. His flick header had sent the ball to the corner, past a sprawling Juxon Fillar. For the last few minutes of the game, the conch horn blowing of the Cockerel Crew had drowned out everything else including, and long past, the final whistle.

Normally, Ludovic Bellefontaine was the star, the glamorous young talent who got all the goals, all the attention, all the women. But just for tonight, it was Isaac’s turn to grin before the snapping cameras and have microphones thrust into his face, Isaac’s turn to lead a raucous team toast in the hotel before that evening’s dinner, and Isaac’s turn to fend off the advances of a half dozen enthusiastic female fans.

For Isaac needed only Hélène. The CAFA Cup was a long tournament and Wilfrid Beaubrun had permitted the team’s WAGs to accompany them to Legalese. Hélène was waiting for Isaac in his room. They drank a little champagne (but only a little, for the next game was coming, fast) and watched the highlights, which included about five slow motion replays of his goal (it had, otherwise, been a fairly boring game). Afterwards they lay together in bed.

“I wish you would open up to me,” sighed Hélène. “This should be your night, and you’re still holding it all in.” She rapped a knuckle gently on his chest.

“It’s just difficult for me to…”

“Share with me. Please, Isaac.”

He gazed into her eyes. “You promise you won’t judge?”

She nodded. “I want to know the real you. Your passion.”

Isaac reached under the bed and emerged with a massive, studded, vibrating

RP cut off at 300 words

[Saltstead]

Saltstead’s Goal of the Tournament Nominee
Haråud Haråudssen 87’ (Saltstead 1:0 Iskandervale)

STN Radio 2 transcript

Aleksänder Johanssen-Smid: The National Eleven have been fairly dominant here in Spetz-Tessah, but Iskandervale has been stubbornly resilient. Heading into the last four minutes plus stoppage… [Victoria] Rothöüf dispossesses [Artak] Voskanyan. Saltstead has a very good counterattack opportunity here.

AJS: Rothöüf to [Aleksa] le Duc. Le Duc with a long ball to Haråud Haråudssen… Haråudssen heads it down and has it under control here, barrelling forward. Haråudssen within sight of [Serikzhan] Cooper in goal and… GOAL! Haråudssen beats out Cooper without a doubt and Saltstead is officially in front!

AJS: A bit similar to the Cup of Harmony goal against Pratapgadh that was chalked off, but no flag here at Shoreline Park. This time the goal will count! Haråud Haråudssen has broken down Iskandervale and Saltstead finally has the lead with three minutes and stoppage to go.

[Later…]

AJS: The whistle goes in Spetz-Tessah and Saltstead has beaten Iskandervale one goal to none. Saltstead squeaks a second win here at CAFA, but they all count the same! Thankfully, unlike certain Cup of Harmony finalists, we don’t have to worry about any missiles hurtling toward Ashwell and Saltstead’s dream of an Anaian miracle lives on.

AJS: Iskandervale was remarkably resilient and gave Saltstead a lot of trouble in the match, but ultimately it was not enough to get a point. You get the sense that Iskandervale is simply overdue for points, but it just was not meant to happen here.

---

★
The Royal Saltsteadish Football Association

---

---

Saltstead : Ochre Islands
Starting XI: Äsħes; Aurelius, Åudenberg, Van Tilborg, Rothöüf; Aħterop, Sħåul, Felicianus, Le Duc; Åubreħtssen; Haråudssen
Substitute bench: Van Daal, Kåler; Josefssen, Van Middelkamp, De Vriħt, Handel; Van Bleck, Van den Slåp, Ratmaker, Joxepħssen, Pascal; Withöüf

---

[Pyazhnaya]

She wasn't sure, if it was something to be proud of or rather to be taken as an insult, to be likened to a disgruntled rhino before morning caffeine, but it seemed to have been picked up by the press. Oh well, nothing she could do about it as she indeed was hard-headed and did like her coffee in the morning. And this cup was just how she liked it, black as the night and so strong that you could hear the spoon wince when she stirred in just the slightest amount of sugar. Today was the day of the second game at the inaugural CAFA tournament, against Avorago who the media had taken a shine to by endearingly calling them savages. Fine with her, she could out-savage anybody.

---

What on earth are they doing? This is not a football game, this is a blitzkrieg! What formation are they playing? 1-1-8?

---

Ulyona Khomkolova was not used to be the one getting pushed around in her defense, no, she was the one doing the pushing normally, even at just 18 years old. But the Primates were truly throwing caution to the wind and tried to just plainly overrun the defense! Not even ten minutes in and they were down by two goals, this was getting personal!

---

OK, this is not happening! You want blitzkrieg? I'll be your minefield!

---

What followed was something that a lot of independent observers had not witnessed before in a football game. Where on other pitches finesse and technique would decide matches, here it was brute force and tactics? Forget it. Here it was Khomkolova against Avorago and observers were not sure how this game ended with 22 players on the pitch, but there were no expulsions or injuries. Bruises, though? Plenty!

[Vdara]

President Romanatos had a busy schedule ahead of him. He’d planned out his day beforehand, ready to do whatever was necessary in order to gain some popularity. Written in his notebook (in crayon) were the words “write song, make speech, kill bird.”

“Birds - what do they do, and why? They can obviously play football, but what’s their purpose? Do they contribute to society? Do they pay taxes? Can they hurt us? The answer to all of these questions is NO! We are a strong nation, and we can destroy these birds INSTANTANEOUSLY! Comrades - we must unite behind our great nation against the birds, and bring peace to our islands!”

The song is to the tune of ’Glory Glory Hallelujah’.

The match against the Cocoabo was one last final straw,
And now, folk wish to banish every thing that goes “ca-caw!”
So, very soon the President announced the fateful words,
“We’re going to war with birds!”

We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
Hang on, I’ve forgot the damn words!
Ach, fuck it, we hate birds!

Despite our flag, we know fine well that birds are evil sods.
As humans, we shall fight them, for the avians are not gods!
We’re running out of bird insults, you should now have the gist -
We’ll turn birds into mist!

We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
Pigeons, sparrows, all the same - birds!
(Do penguins count as birds?)

And so, we sing this chant as we are marching out to war
The birds, they can’t halt us nor our unreasonable uproar
Our armoury provides us with a large amount of guns,
And ammunition - tonnes!

We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
We’re Vdarans and we hate birds!
BIRDS, BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS, BIRDS
WE’RE STRONGER THAN THE BIRDS!

(Word count: 300 words)

[Quebec and Shingoryeo]

Word Limit: 299

Words from Post-Game Media Conference - With Manager George Wangolo

Severine Parker (SP): Good evening coach Wangolo. Once again, thank you for being here in the media. My name is Severine Parker from Kingston Daily. I would like to first start by saying congratulations to your team to the second consecutive victory against Yesopalitha, however challenging it may have been.

George Wangolo (GW): Thank you, Ms. Parker. Not the best of times, but good to be here.

SP: Thank you. As you know, the match was a closely contested one until the Grim Reapers eventually broke the levee. What were your thoughts regarding the match?

GW: It's fine. A win is a win. We have to remember that a lot of the guys playing out there aren't the most experienced when it comes to facing unconventional opponents, and it may take a while for them to get used to the Multiverse football.

Arkady Groys (AG): This is Arkady Groys from the Golazo! Magazine. Thank you once again for the win. What are some of your thoughts regarding the players' behaviour on the bench, one that brought some media attention to the national team?

GW: A victory is a victory. That said, I'm sure they know well enough, or at least they should, about certain behaviours that would not be tolerated elsewhere. I don't want this to repeat again, and they have been given reminders about.

AG: Thank you. If there's a player of the match, who would you give the honour to?

GW: Henri Tangganga. He's been brilliant with us and with Stanton Town, and today's game tell us that for sure. Still, I urge him not to take too much value out of what I say here, and focus on his future performances ahead of the national team selection for World Cup Qualifying stage for the 89th time.

[Xuois]

MORVEN, Legalese — Officials have allegedly confiscated a banner from fans in attendance at Arbuckle Park ahead of the CAFA Cup match between Vdara and Xuois. We have been assured that this banner did not promote far-right, racist, or fascist abuse, and officials have assured us they have not taken any banner supporting a social group or cause, such as a rainbow pride flag, from the premises, as has known to happen in football stadia in other countries. We are still not entirely sure what the banner means or even what it looks like, but it appears to have caused visible and acute distress among some fans from Vdara. From interviews with people in the area at the time, we can provide the following sketch:

We will have more updates on this situation as they develop.

[Legalese]

Matchday 3 Cutoff

Wilkins you get some points with your coffee? Find out here shortly!

Group A
Legalese 4-5 Savigliane
Flavovespia 2-0 Austailia
Cobrio 2-5 Osarius

Group A	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Savigliane	2	1	0	7	10	7	3
Flavovespia	2	1	0	7	8	5	3
Osarius	1	1	1	4	9	7	2
Cobrio	1	0	2	3	6	10	-4
Austailia	0	2	1	2	4	6	-2
Legalese	0	1	2	1	9	11	-2

Group B
Pyazhnaya 3-5 Vdara
Avorago 3-5 Cocoabo Forest
Xuois 4-0 Kotzellach

Group B	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Cocoabo Forest	3	0	0	9	10	5	5
Avorago	2	0	1	6	12	9	3
Xuois	1	1	1	4	8	5	3
Vdara	1	1	1	4	9	9	0
Pyazhnaya	1	0	2	3	10	13	-3
Kotzellach	0	0	3	0	0	8	-8

Group C
Krytenia 0-0 Audioslavia
Starblaydia 4-4 Aut-Ves-Nat
Huayramarca 0-2 Ko-oren

Group C	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Krytenia	1	2	0	5	7	5	2
Aut-Ves-Nat	1	2	0	5	7	5	2
Ko-oren	1	2	0	5	2	0	2
Huayramarca	1	1	1	4	4	4	0
Starblaydia	0	2	1	2	7	9	-2
Audioslavia	0	1	2	1	1	5	-4

Group D
Mertagne 0-1 Mont Vert
Perlasilangan 5-5 Grande Cucina
Chromatika 3-2 Northwest Kalactin

Group D	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Mont Vert	2	1	0	7	4	2	2
Chromatika	1	1	1	4	3	3	0
Northwest Kalactin	1	1	1	4	12	12	0
Perlasilangan	0	3	0	3	12	12	0
Mertagne	0	2	1	2	2	3	-1
Grande Cucina	0	2	1	2	11	12	-1

Group E
Iskandervale 0-0 Yesopalitha
Saltstead 1-2 Ochre Islands
Independent Athletes from Quebec 3-4 Xannerian Sunbelt Islands

Group E	W	D	L	Pts	GF	GA	GD
Ochre Islands	3	0	0	9	8	5	3
Saltstead	2	0	1	6	4	2	2
Independent Athletes from Quebec	2	0	1	6	8	7	1
Xannerian Sunbelt Islands	1	0	2	3	7	9	-2
Iskandervale	0	1	2	1	3	5	-2
Yesopalitha	0	1	2	1	1	3	-2

[Audioslavia]

Ko-oren

Who can I beat? It’s not Huayramarca. It’s not Huayramarca, they all saw to that
Who can I beat? I can’t beat a boat, I can’t beat a boat, at least not Aut-Ves-Nat
When bulls play Starblaydia, all of the steaks are so high
And if it weren’t for Stroud we might’ve lost to Kry

Who can I beat? I can’t beat Vdara, I can’t beat Vdara, they act far too wide
Who can I beat? I can’t beat Plough Islands, our offer to play them was politely declined
I can’t beat the Cocoabos, they use their talons to twiit
And Cobres put me off, they always jerk their meat

Where’s the first cup going to go? There’s a champion to anoint
It won’t be Audioslavia with just one point (x2)

Who can I beat? I won’t defeat Legal, I won’t defeat Legal, they’re only the host.
Who can I beat? It’s not Avorago, it’s not Avorago, they’re too good on toast
Non battiamo Osarius, loro fanno troppi gol
Anche Savigliane, i cigni, odio

Who can I beat? Not Perlasilangan, not Perlasilangan, it’s not 2014
Who can I beat? I can’t beat Mertagne, their shirts are too shiny, their flag is too green
We can’t beat Chromatika, we’re scared of Amélie Ju
And Grande Cucina would serve us with ragú

Where’s the first cup going to go? Who will wear the maiden crown
Anaia has a circus, but who’s the clown? (x2)

Maybe we could beat the Ko-orenites. Like us, they often choke
Maybe we could beat the Ko-orenites. Ze verslaan is erg leuk.
I hope that we’re more entertaining playing Ko-orenites. Even if our games are always dull.
I hope that we can spend the evening eating dragonflies. It's a diet for a starving bull.
Ko-orenites..
Ko-orenites..
Ko-or-or-en-ites

[Cocoabo Forest]

---

Motivation can be a powerful force.

The Cocoabo already had plenty of motivation to prove themselves as a standalone entity in the CAFA Cup. Now they have even more.

The trainers from the Cocoabo Enrichment and Enhancement Project already felt they had their chance stolen from them. They were in. They were at the World Cup. And then they weren't.

The Cocoabo stayed proud. They did what they were asked to do. They played in front of the crowds at Cocoabo Park. They made appearances at random delectable shops throughout the multiverse.


Yet the Cocoabo weren't the only ones who were Motivated. The Turori National Team were motivated as well. Motivated by just how close the Cocoabo had come to being the first Turorian representative side to advance to the World Cup Semi-Finals. How close the Cocoabo had come to extinguishing the Citizen Squad from the Turorian Lexicon.

That motivation propelled the Turori National Team to new heights. The World Cup Semi-Finals. The Final. Champions.

As the Cocoabo watched from the exhibition matches and eateries of the multiverse, their motivation was fueled. Slowly, Quietly the potential motivation built up awaiting a kinetic release that has finally been cashed in on in Legalese.

Now, spurred on by the accomplishments of the very squad they had motivated to achieve the things that the Cocoabo thought they could achieve, the quest continues. Three Matches. Three Wins. But the Cocoabo were not done yet.

With materials plastered to the Locker Room wall reminding them of the recognition they could have had, the Cocoabo are now just one point away from a guaranteed place in the Knockout Round and three points from a first round bye with Pyazhnaya on deck.

[Mont Vert]

The Legend Of The Brown Pearl!

The walls of the palace shook as another cannonball ripped through a battlement. Members of the household had gone to bed celebrating the dawn of a new century, and woken on January 1st, 1900, to find the island’s population raising armed rebellion. Soldiers and gendarmes were put to the sword – or clubbed or ripped apart by bare hands. Once the revolting population took the armory, they turned the heavy guns on the palace itself.

Below the bedchamber of Vígmundur, Vicomte de Azéma, the doors in the courtyard splintered. A tidal wave of humanity, a slave population that had toiled on long past emancipation had swept most enlightened countries, poured through the wreckage. He turned back, unable to watch the fate of the scant few guards that had not deserted their posts. His daughter, Aðalheiður, mad with fear, sat shivering on his bed. He approached her, slapped her hard across the cheeks, and grabbed her shoulders.

“Aðalheiður, child, you must pull yourself together! You must flee!”

“No, I want to stay here with you, Pabbi!”

“You can’t. They will… do unspeakable things if they find you.”

“Then you should come too!”

“No, Aðalheiður.” Bravely, he drew himself up to his full regal bearing. “I will not dishonor the men who have fallen and died to defend Grande Mont Vert in my name by turning tail.” He called over Laëtitia, the maid. “Take her to La Crique Des Contrebandiers. A boat is waiting for you. You must make for the mainland.” Another cannonball boomed; the windows of the bedchamber shattered. Aðalheiður screamed. Into her hands, he pressed the precious family jewel. “Take this with you.” He closed her fingers around the jewel and kissed her forehead.

“But Pabbi, how shall I smuggle the White Pearl out?”

RP cut off at 300 words

[Krytenia]

CONTENT WARNING: Contains salty language and references to Emperor Boston. Parental discretion is advised.
OOC: With gratitude to Ochre Islands (Bostopia) for recording the line. Sadly I don't sound enough like an irate middle-aged female politician to return the favour.

"This is the Emperor Boston, ahoy-hoy to you."

"BOSTON! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?!?"

"Oh! Oh, OK. Unfortunately, I feel much to unwell to continue talking to you in this fashion, so what I'm going to do instead is communicate with you solely using the power of the miiiiiiiiiiind. One moment please."

"DON'T YOU GIVE ME THE - there's muzak. Why is there muzak?" (sighing) "Now look here, Boston, you may see your own sovereign territory as some sort of massive game map, but shooting live ordinance over a nation without so much as a by your leave is a massive no-no. In fact, some people may see it as a declaration of war. Hell, if it wasn't for the fact you were aiming at a foreign target, we'd be putting a shiny new crater in your tinpot little 'empire' right now. So forget the telepathy bullshit and EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

...

"Defending sovereign territory? DEFENDING SOVEREIGN TERRITORY?!? Look, Reacher Bay is nice and all, beautiful beach, decent surfing conditions, but it sure as hell isn't yours."

...

"The Ochre Islands are miles out to sea. No excuse."

...

"He hasn't heard of 'a Krytenia'? What clowns do you have running your...of course, Bostopia. Look, Boston, pull any more shit like this and I mean it, Shiny. New. Crater. We're done here." (slams phone down)

[Savigliane]

Red text: Alberto Caccini, PM and leader of center-left Populistas. Dealing with a centrist breakaway faction led by Miranda Russo.
Blue text: Violette Bartois, leader of the left-wing Alliance des Sociaux-Democrates.
Current governing coalition: Populistas, ASD, Fronte (far-left), Greens.
Current opposition: Ligue-Este (center-right), Une Nation (center, led by Emmanuel Saint Laurent), smaller parties.
Ligurie: French-speaking half of Savigliane.

"...are you fucking kidding me?"

"I'm not, Prime Minister; they released a statement five minutes ago."

"'Ligurie Libre?' Talk about some sore losers. One election doesn't go their way and they're out? How many do they have?"

"At least nine seats, Prime Minister. And early opinion polling is more mixed than we were anticipating."

"I imagine that'd come out of the opposition, no? Shouldn't be a big deal for our coalition."

"One of them was ASD. Your coalition partners."

"I know who's in our majority, I'm the fucking prime minister. Which one is it."

"That would be MP Martin. From the third district of Villeneuve."

"Get me that maggot on line two."

"We've tried, Prime Minister. He didn't pick up."

"Then get me Violette ffffFucking Bartois so we can figure out this trainwreck. And did Russo ever get back to me?"

"She was willing to be conciliatory. But there may be some defection from Populistas to Une Nation."

"Emmanuel Saint Laurent, outmanuevering me? This is a low point. Yeah, this one hurts."

"MP Bartois on the phone for you, Prime Minister."

"Thanks, Bernard. Oh, and get me a copy of the statement? Violette."

"Alberto. Is this about Ligurie Libre?"

"Of course it is. How much do you know about it?"

"About as much as you, by the sound of it."

"The statement, Prime Minister."

"Thank you, Bernard. It's ridiculous, isn't it, Violette? Surely Ligurie won't fall for it."

"A minority already has. The separation of all French-speaking regions from Savigliane got fifteen percent support in a recent poll. And they already have nine MPs on their side. Did Russo get back to you?"

"She's in, but her faction doesn't back it."

"Sounds like we've lost the majority, then. I've already gotten two resignations."

"We need to get this pushed back. Ligue-Est is kicking our ass in the polls."

"I might be able to buy us some time, but that won't change the polling. Ligue-Est and Une Nation are between a rock and a hard place on the separatist movement, but none of those voters are coming back to us."

"All those fringe parties too. It's bad enough we have to partner with the communists - if they'll even enter another coalition with us after Foxchester. And we've got 'God's Plan' to deal with."

"What did you have in mind, then? The numbers aren't on our side."

"They aren't now. But I've got something big."

"How big?"

"How big is a parallel dimension?"

[Flavovespia]

Flavovespia 2 – 0 Austailia

Key moments:

15': A slow start, and Austailia nearly open the scoring. Audrey is on target from just inside the box, but shoots too centrally and Aarif Muhammad can save with relative ease.

23': Robert Totten plays a good through ball, but Scott Coleman can’t get the ball out of his feet to shoot, and Anya clears it.

38’: Ephraim the Wretched has a shot deflected away by Tony Gardner. Kishan Rees then plays a ball forward quickly on the counter. Michael Cole gets it, and shoots from long range. Kevin parties it away, into the path of Coleman, but the striker mistimes the volley and skies it.

HT: A slow game with only a few chances. Little is making its way past the midfield, and went an attack does, finishing is not there at both ends.

58' GOAL - Flavovespia! Steven Hall opens the scoring after a lacklustre first half. Cole drives into the box, and fires from a tight angle. Kevin blocks, but the ball flies across the face of the goal, and Hall shoots into a wide open goal.

77’ GOAL - Flavovespia! It’s a debut goal for Victor Cooke off the bench. Hall is the provider this time. He finds space down the right wing to fire a high cross in. Cooke rises highest, and a strong header on the ball, puts it into the corner. His first goal just 10 minutes after coming on, silencing many critics.

FT: Flavovespia win by 2 goals, they keep up their undefeated record, and get a first clean sheet. Austailia were unable to get going in the second half unfortunately. 7 points for Flavovespia should be enough for the play-in round, with an eye on a bye to the Round of 16.

[Ko-oren]

Life beyond Juliasterinthen

Some readers might not be able to mentally picture this, but Juliasterinthen has not always been the national team coach. Ko-orenite football can very much be divided in a BK and SK period: Before Katanmak and Since Katanmak (not 'After Katanmak' - he's still here). Before Katanmak, the Dragonflies were an occasionally interesting team with some decent results versus the big boys and alright results versus the rest - acknowledged, sometimes respected, rarely feared. Since Katanmak, the team enjoyed a steady ascent up the KPB rankings even if the national league didn't exactly follow suit in the UICA/IFCF rankings and that's a fact we've been comfortable with for a long time (even as the Top League is actually, apparently, maybe going places nowadays!). And yet, we need to talk about a Life Beyond Juliasterinthen. He has previously said that he reached his shelf life. So, what do we have past this?

The obvious choices to succeed Katanmak are the assistant coaches: Davenport, Varela, and Schoppe. Each represents a slightly different take on the tried and tested 5-3-2 or 5-4-1. As we know, Juliasterinthen favours a systemic approach, analysing the opponent, without much room for individual brilliance. The dismantling of Mriin (2x) was a masterclass in this regard. The three lost Rounds of 16 in the World Cup under his reign have been more of a disasterclass in that regard.

Davenport is very much a continuation of what we know. Fiercely defensive with a focus on patterns and roles, but unlike Juliasterinthen, she likely favours a slow buildup and long possession sessions over a quick counterattack. Focus on the opponents' strengths and disregard your own qualities.

Varela comes from the Miradela system, and goes for heavy midfields, and the boring kind of tiki-taka: keep the ball in your team for as long as possible and maybe walk it in if you really need a goal. Know your strengths and overpower your foe.

Schoppe comes from the northern side of things, which could mean very different things depending on whether you're from Straudum (which makes the Dragonflies look like a happy-go-lucky creatively attacking team) or Schemerdrecht (high-energy defending and some attacking, sometimes)

Foreign coaches are something the KFA never brought up on their own, but there are possibilities. An Audioslavian manager teaching us to merge good strategy and tactics in defence with the shithousing needed for results (I mean, don't look at Group C table as how to that's going for them). A Starblaydian manager to show us how defence can be beautiful, with a Varela-like passing flow to everything (again, don't look at the Group C table as to how that's working out right now).