CoH80 - The Even Frostier Cup: Everything Thread

[Abanhfleft]

DISCLAIMER: Gaelic Gamers is an independents sports blogging website created by four cousins with a common liking and passion for sports of all kinds and is in no way or form affiliated with or organized by any official news organization in the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft. All statements and opinions posted here are our own and not anyone else's.

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Gaelic Gamers
Presents...

The Football Fallacies
with The Man from Markovsky

THE MEDIOCRITY CONTINUES

Hello and welcome to The Football Fallacies. Right, so here we are. In the Cup of Harmony, right where we probably deservedly belong. In fact, I'd even hazard to say that we don't even deserve to be in the Cup of Harmony, not after how we absolutely and spectacularly shit the bed at the tail end of the qualifiers and in the playoffs against Yuezhou! I mean, what are we even doing here in the first place? We're all just getting ready to suffer through more pain and ignominy now, aren't we? Especially with that bastard Wurzmann in charge. Oh sure, it's just for this tournament, but you just know, you just know that this Cup of Harmony is going to be anything but harmonious for us.

Come on now, let's just admit it. This team of ours peaked well before this point. That one Cup of Harmony where we lost third place on penalties was the absolute highest point of this team, and we've been going constantly downhill ever since. This team... it's never going to be able to live up to the standards that the team before them set. It just won't. The old team literally didn't know what to expect when they were going up against the best teams in the multiverse, so they played their hearts out and actually did their darnedest best to keep up and not get swamped. This generation of players... well, they were raised on failure and thus all they've ever known is failure. And if you've been doing something for so long, it gets to the point where it's literally the only thing you know to do, and anything else becomes impossibly difficult to do.

Even our coaches have fallen victim to this mentality. Heinrich Wurzmann is one of those coaches. He was put in charge of the national team in the Independents Cup from back before we were actually sending the actual national team there and didn't get anything better than third place. The whole footballing world then adapted, while he didn't. And now Wurzmann is still playing these hopelessly outdated tactics against teams that have most certainly watched tape of us playing, and now he has no idea how to adapt against these teams adapting against us. Like Kandorith, for example. I'm not sure if this is our first time playing against them because I do remember something about an Abanhfleft-Kandorith match in a previous World Cup. You know, back when this team and this country actually took football seriously instead of literally playing up to the memes!?

It was just another typical Abanhfleft performance in recent memory. We get a shitload of chances which our players just are unable to convert despite some of those being literally tap-ins if they actually get to the ball in time. And then Kandorith take the lead on the back of an absolutely shitty dive that even the worst FPL referee would see coming a mile away, and yet this ref gives it as a penalty. If it weren't for Prudence Woodward saving our asses for the umpteenth time, we'd be staring at the back of an opening day loss. Sure, an opening day loss would be completely in character for Abanhfleft, but for once, I would just like to see us be able to go through a tournament without any heartbreak or hair-pulling madness. Is that really too much to ask for? Apparently, if our most recent World Cup qualifying is anything to go by, yes.

Anyway, that's all that there is from me. If you've got any thoughts or comments of your own about the match against Kandorith then feel free to leave them down below. Until then, I've been the Man from Markovsky, still disappointed in our country.

    ABANHFLEFT 1 - 1 KANDORITH
WOODWARD (85')       HONDA (66')

[Valentine Z]

Post 2 - Double Double.

That's... that's a lot of twos. A pairing like no other, a linked coupling, Zwei, Deux, Dos, and many more two's to come, too. First and foremost, the Valentians got 2 attackers on their offensive side - Clarissa and Gwen. Clarissa scored one goal against the team of New Lusitania, and so did Gwen. So that was not one, but two goals scored from each of the attackers in the Valentian side. Then the opponent did the same thing - 2 goals scored against the Valentians. And then they got news from the scoreboard that Darmen and Chartistan also scored 2 goals against one another. 2 pairs, 4 teams, 8 goals, and maybe we can shove in 16, 32, and other powers of 2 somewhere inside them. "That was... that was quite a wild ride," Valentijn said to herself, with her team once again on her table and doing their administrative work. Valentijn gently placed her hand on the table, making sure not to squash anyone on it. "I mean, we did pretty good, nothing to complain there. The attackers, defenders, midfielders, you all did very nicely. Holly too, nice save on those near-goals! It's okay, don't worry about it. We can't block all the shots. Anyway, going back to what I wanted to say, this is definitely one for the history books if anyone cares about it. 2 pairs, 2 goals each. I bet you guys are seeing this too, hehe."

A few lighthearted laughs and groans emerged from the Valentians. Valentijn has always been one to appreciate puns - lame, good, or anywhere in-between. She would have been possibly the maker of best dad jokes if she magically changed back into a man and had kids. As for Clarissa and Gwen, the two of them gave each other a high-five, with Clarissa checking her own set of codes against Intelligence Officer Jenny in order to check for any weaknesses or indications of error inside of them. "90 minutes of runtime on the field. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, I think. You performed pretty well and kicking, hehe," Jenny commented, fiddling around on her tablet. No one was seriously injured, perhaps other than Holly who took a football to the face, but she shrugged it off as it was nothing for her. She could not be damaged by blunt force, anyway. Mandy suffered a bit of cramps at 22nd and 22nd second into the match, quickly being substituted by Major Layla before the game resumes on. Gwen was adjusting her uniform, to which she was wearing her devices that came with being the Fate of the Omniverse. "I still could not believe we nearly forgot to change it from WC88 to CoH 80! Not that many people will care, but imagine if we got spearheaded into the news outlets!"

In a way, Gwen was being half-joking and half-serious with this. Any particular kind of news they got from the international attention can be spotty at best, and very daunting at worst. They got one in NSSCRA 10, they nearly got one in WC88 just because they decided to host a farewell party. "I can't blame them that much," Fleet Admiral Augustine commented, "Maybe they are just a bit intimidated by our heights. Or they just found us gentle and a bit of a pushover, though either way we look at it, I am not complaining."

"Valentijn could go crazy on them if she wanted to. I know she - well, he... back in the days - did that to that random sod back in WC85. Just stormed over to the stadium like no one's business and held the guy in his hand. That was pretty funny, I bet it is a bit traumatic for the guy," Gwen added on, with the others joining her in chuckling and laughing a little. It was then back to normal, as the Valentians took their rest of the day. With the performance they are getting so far, Valentijn did not see the need to push her team with military drills, at least not for the time being. The Valentians shuffled around, finishing their unfinished businesses until they hopped off the table (fall damage was not exactly an issue) and went for a bit of R&R. Almost all of them decided to go out for that R&R and to see the sights around them, while Valentijn, Anastasia, and Holly stayed inside, along with a few other Valentians - both to keep guard of the place and also because they could not be bothered to shrink down or were nervous (as with Holly). "Next match will be with Darmen. Be prepared for it, but hey, no worries. I know we can do this. I don't need to overexert you guys all the time."

Events of MD1, as told by the Valentians:

11:33 - New Lusitania scored their very first goal against the Valentians. ST Gonçalo Paciente (União Leiriense).

20:45 - Clarissa Alanis Star Samantha Harumi scored her first goal.

22:22 - Mandy Juliet Colette Diva Bertillon went out of the field due to severe cramps in her legs. Layla Symmantra Evangeline Stefanie Lim Tian Zhi was the substitute for the rest of MD1.

30:02 - New Lusitania scored their second goal against the Valentians. ST Tomás Silva (Belém).

44:44 - Gwen Tracer Allison Fate Eveline Oxton scored her first goal, making it 2 goals for the Valentians.

51:22 - Holly Aurora Lapia Radiant Starlight got hit directly in the face. She got knocked down onto the ground, but recovered within exactly 2.22 seconds, citing that she can continue on. Her performance did not see any deterioration for the rest of the match. She didn't feel that foul play was involved, so no yellow/red cards were given out.

60:03 - Gwen Tracer Allison Fate Eveline Oxton dove face-first onto the football field, having slipped and tripped from excessive sidestepping. Neither minor nor major injuries sustained.

70:31 - The ball rebounded from the goalpost and nearly hit Holly Aurora Lapia Radiant Starlight in her face, but she took a quick sidestep and caught the ball in time.

90:00 - End of match. No further goals from either team.

[Oberour Ar Moro]

Snow Kings in the Winter Queendom
By Jildas de la Taille

The Oberour Ar Moro national team scored an emphatic 5-0 victory over Montana Verde in the opening match of Copa Rushmori 80.

Matching the freezing temperatures was striker Taran Bele, who was cold, calm, and collected with the goal in his sights. Bele’s hat trick powered the Dragoons to the emphatic victory.

The Oberours were on the attack from the beginning, and the Condors clearly found it difficult to go toe-to-toe against the Dragoons and their peculiar style of football. Just seven minutes in, Iudicael Breut worked his way to just outside the penalty area before finding Bele. Bele then slotted the ball between the keeper and the near post to open the scoring.

At the 20 minute mark the Dragoons blunted a Montana Verde attack when Lunen Margas intercepted a Julia Verala pass. Margas quickly passed to Peterne de Courbueil who launched a deep ball over the top to Eneour Pique-Pain who then scored with ease.

A mere four minutes later the Dragoons were back on the attack in the Condor half when a Jairo tackle on de Courbueil squirted the ball loose. Unfortunately for Montana Verde the ball landed in the path of Taran Bele who took his chance quickly and fired the ball past the keeper in the bottom right corner. The score was now three-nil and Oberour Ar Moro were clearly in control of the game.

Montana Verde refused to sit back and continued on the attack, but at the 37 minute mark their efforts that had been blunted so far were turned back on their heads. The Condors had a free kick, and Thiago Montilla went for broke, hoping to drop his kick over the Oberour wall. Unfortunately for the Verdeans, Drev Brébeuf timed his jump well and he headed the ball towards safety. The loose ball was collected by Marzhin Petit, who then took the ball and charged downfield, outrunning the Condor defenders. He then crossed up Dolfo, the Condor keeper, who had attempted to charge forward and blunt the attack. Petit then took his shot, which went into the goal off the upright for a magnificent solo effort goal.

(OOC: The above goal is submitted as our #goalofthetournament candidate)

Oberour Ar Moro were on relative cruise control from that point on, with Bele putting an exclamation mark on the day with a goal scored by header from a Kast le Bufetier corner in the 55th minute.

Following the drubbing the Dragoons now have to prepare for the highly anticipated rematch against TJUN-ia, who are coming off a 2-0 vctory against Indusse.

World Cup 88 Qualification Schedule
WIN | DRAW | LOSS

MD01: Montaña Verde 0 – 5 Oberour ar Moro
MD02: Oberour Ar Moro (1-0-0) v TJUN-ia (1-0-0)
MD03: Indusse (0-0-1) v Oberour Ar Moro (1-0-0)

[The Grearish Union]

CRICKET | FOOTBALL | RUGBY | CHESS | MOTORSPORT | TENNIS | ESPORTS | MISCELLANEOUS

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The Frostier Cup: Pemecutan Handled Decently

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Pemecutan 1-1 The Grearish Union @ Laxenvöllur, Kyrkdorf, Graintfjall

Pemecutan
Scorers: P. O. Jaya [42']
Players: K. A. Prakasa, S. B. Wijaya (R. Ekawana '71), S. P. Laksamana, D. P. Kusuma, R. P. Pratama, D. R. Putra , R. Karyadi (A. Setiahadi 45'), A. Kusumawijaya, B. Hermawan, P. O. Jaya, A. T. Wijaya (B. Narmada 62’)

The Grearish Union
Scorers: J. Daly [81']
Players: S. Schaefer, J. Rodrigues, L. Taylor, T. Golde, C. Frank, F. Sloan , C. Benton, L. Potts (G. Knott '45), J. Daly, A. McAuley, W. Kline

If something screams Graintfjall to the core, it is definitely hidden somewhere in the suburbs of Kyrkdorf. The home ground of the Mühlrich club has seen quite a few of its days of history in the years gone by, and now looks forward to a bright future while being nestled cozily in the high alpine mountains of the country. Not known for being the most welcoming of stadia in the country for visiting teams and fans alike, the hardened mountain people show their passion strongly for their football, and it is expected that the colours of their fervour will keep splashing on to the pitch every now and then. You could call it a phoenix-fourfold — when something survives four fires in its soul after having its body burnt down, there can be no other explanation of the same.

The cold, cold matchday meant that the Black Lilies were duly clad in their winter apparel — gloves and all — trying to save themselves from the bitter mountain cold more than trying to look pretty. Well, maybe not McAuley, who is frankly loving all the cameras around her. Pemecutan were very strong from the off, making a massive statement about their cause in the process. Being the undoubtedly superior side in the contest, the opponents knit a web around the Grearish at all times, playing out beautifully from the back and choking any counterattack that the Black Lilies could pose against this strong an opponent.

The first 45 minutes were firmly in the grasp of the Pemecutan national side, when the Graintfjaller manager of the Black Lilies made the very important decision of substituting-in Gia Knott for the Black Lilies at the break. The Grearish were already trailing 1-0 at half-time, thanks to the neat tap-in from close range P. O. Jaya for Pemecutan. The entire second half saw the momentum shift ever so slightly towards the Black Lilies by the minute, as the calm head of Knott made sure that the Grearish were creating chances and getting into the oppenents' third of the pitch. The breakthrough came at the dying stages of the match as Janet Daly headed in a beautiful cross from the super-sub Gia Knott to make it 1-1. Some dogged defending at the end saw the Grearish play out a great draw in adverse conditions.

Up next is the match against Sylestone, followed by the game against Vdara. The general feeling is that the sole point obtained from the Pemecutan game will be the maximum that the Black Lilies will be able to muster from this very difficult CoH group. Will that be the case, or will the Grearish be able to pounce on opportunities and produce (highly unlikely) upsets? Only time shall tell.

Lineup v Sylestone @ Sanktjakobvöllur, Háttmark, Graintfjall

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S. Schaefer (GK), J. Rodrigues (C), L. Radcliffe, M. Elliott, C. Frank, F. Sloan, C. Benton, G. Knott, J. Daly, A. McAuley, W. Kline

[Squornshelous]

When the Devil Drives, Chapter 10
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

Lucia Krupin was not particularly pleased to be back in Hastings.

With two of their matches to take place in the central-Krytenian city, the Red and Black had elected to have their home base for the Cup of Harmony there. This had necessitated traveling south to Avidia for their opening match, but that seemed like less of a disruption than uprooting their whole operation as they shifted venues. Now, of course, there was second-guessing of that decision after the team looked flat and uninspired, drawing with Kohnhead to begin the tournament. Lucia knew that the travel wasn't the problem. The two cities were fairly close together and the trip back and forth was pretty routine, all things considered. The truth was that the team was worn down for reasons that had nothing to do with a few hours spent on a bus.

It wasn't anything wrong with Hastings per se. It was fine, she supposed. But it wasn't home. Just like back in Tumbra, everyone here seemed obsessed with curry. Fucking curry. She did not understand this fixation on rice and peppers that the rest of the multiverse apparently shared. There were other options, sure, but an alarming number of them caused her physical pain to eat. It was some kind of insanity. The national forest nearby was as scenic as advertised, but as strange to her as the food and languages. She'd taken some time prior to their opener to walk along one of the public trails, and had been amazed at the disorder she'd found. Yardley Forest had an air of wildness like nothing she'd seen before, and of age. Moldering trees lay where they had fallen, and many species of tree mingled together. Back home, she'd sometimes headed out to visit tree farms, walking under row upon row of Elms, Ashes, Alders and others. She'd hoped to find the same sense of quiet relaxation here, but Yardley Forest was nothing alike. Around each bend of the winding path, she'd half expected some shaggy wolf or bear to be waiting for her, jaws agape and slavering. The ranger at the trailhead had assured her she was in no danger, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, like the forest itself was some primordial predator, stalking her trail. She'd had to cut her outing short and head back to the hotel, more stressed than when she'd left. It said something though, about what a wealthy nation Krytenia must be. To have the luxury of setting aside such an important resource as this forest, to go so far as to build a city under its eaves, and to simply leave it there. It was like having a pile of gemstones in a room of your house, and just contenting yourself with going in there to look at them once in a while.

This line of thought, like any she had taken up lately, only brought Lucia back to her homesickness. She could only hope that after the tournament they would be allowed to return. However big the terrorist threat might be, there had to be a way to keep the team safe, she was sure. It was impossible to be sure what would happen though, with the amount of misinformation being pushed by foreign media, who had always favored the Westies. They didn't even bother to make their fakery believable now. She felt embarrassed on behalf of the newsanchors who had been forced to read such obvious lies as the absurd claim that terrorists had taken control of Vogsphere and captured the Emperor. It frustrated her, because it was impossible to know anything about what was really going on when they abandoned simple exaggeration and left reality behind entirely.

Lucia did hope that the people back home were able to watch the team play, although she couldn't exactly be proud of their recent results. Everything had gone downhill since that memorable match against Brenecia in Lakewood. They'd stumbled at the finish line, and the final matchday's meaningless win over Twicetagria had left a bitter taste, with their opponents headed for World Cup glory despite losing. They hadn't even managed to get a win against 57th-ranked Kohnhead, and had essentially placed themselves in a must-win situation leading up to their next match against Eraman. Lucia didn't know a lot about history, it had never interested her, but she thought for sure, this had to be just about the lowest point in Squornshelan history.

[Sarzonia]

Losing the potential for two points in the Group B table was bad enough for the Sarzonian national football team.

Doing so when lost points could bring an early end to the playing careers of midfielder Brady Reynolds and forward Mek'hi West was especially galling. Sarzonia had their chances to put one goal, one fucking goal, past Xanneria goalkeeper Markus Portsman and they saw their chances hit the woodwork, sail high or wide of the mark, or hit his glove and carom away harmlessly.

It kept Sarzonia interim manager Nathan Hanifer up trying to figure out how to get his charges to score a goal. Just one. The team didn't have to recall the days when they earned the first scorigami in Sarzonia history with a 10-3 away victory over Arroza. Just one Goddamn goal.

Of course, that was also predicated on the defence holding serve. In the three matches Hanifer managed, the Stars allowed one goal, and it was in the only match that didn't count in a World Cup qualifying group or Cup of Harmony table, but it was against the team the Stars would be facing next with their chances of qualifying for the knockout stages of the Cup of Harmony hanging in the balance.

Atheara managed the lone goal against the Stars, earning a 1-0 exhibition victory in an away fixture Hanifer scheduled as preparation for his team to get used to hearing his voice at the top, and for himself to get an idea of whether his different ideas from former manager Nicola Mentes would work with this team. It might help hearing a Sarzonian accent instead of a Megistan accent; then again, it might not. Hanifer's ideas were similar enough to Mentes's where that combination worked well, or so they thought. Well, against an Atlantian Oceania that still included the traitorous Anaian nations, it did work. World Cup qualifying was a different matter, as it included some lost points against unranked sides. In the same group as world No. 1 and defending world champions Nephara, the Stars could ill afford to lose any points.

And yet, they did. That's why they ended up in a Krytenian hellhole with Mentes gone and both Reynolds and West about to make their exits from playing international football. They would find out later that another important part of their team would also call it a career after this cycle, as goalkeeper Paolo Gomes suffered a setback in his rehabilitation and suffered a strained MCL and LCL in addition to the torn ACL. He tearfully announced his retirement, choosing to say it in his native tongue of Portuguese instead of his learned English.

They didn't want to be here, not just because they would rather be among the 32 teams competing for a World Cup. There were other considerations too, of course. Namely, being in Krytenia when the Incorporated Sarzonian Government all but considered them persona non grata. If they were more paranoid, they would check the food to make sure the Kryties didn't try to poison it.

That was silly, the players thought. Especially Wilson, who noticed the looks of sadness in the eyes of the few Kryties who chose to lock them on his. A couple of the pairs of eyes were angrier, sure, but Wilson couldn't necessarily tell if those flashes of anger were directed at the people of Sarzonia or its government, or if their fury was over the fact that relations between two formerly close nations were fraying in plain view.

Still, this was never going to be a pleasure trip, even if Krytenia had opted to stay in Atlantian Oceania. It wouldn't have been even if Emberton and Woodstock weren't so frantically trying to salvage a sliver of the closeness between the two governments. But now? With the cold civil war enveloping Atlantian Oceania and the traitors in Anaia, it was definitely not a vacation. There would be no day trips to museums or art exhibits, no shopping adventures, no trips to the pub for a brew. Charlie King made a brief stop incognito and noticed Sarzonia's prized Mariner's Grog and Topgallant Ale were double the price in argentals they were the last time he'd made the trip. When he caught a sneer from the bartender after ordering a Topgallant Ale, King just said, "forget it," and walked out of the bar and back to the hotel.

As it stood, all four Group B sides had the same record: 0-1-0, one point, no goals scored, none conceded. A victory over Atheara, especially one which Athearan media once predicted would see Sarzonia "ground pound" Atheara, would go a long way toward ensuring Reynolds and West played at least one more match. For Reynolds, it would be quite some time before he'd be eligible to play for the "Senior Stars," the over-35 national team. West would be eligible once the next one started. Regardless, though, the theme of sad endings was continuing quite unabated.

[Kandorith]

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Shinonome Kyoai - International

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Difficult match where Kandorith could not shine.
In an effort to top the group; Kandorith dit not impress.
By Natsumi Miyasaki
Sports

^{SHARE THIS:}

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TENKYO, KANYORI — Unable to grab a win in the opening match of the Cup of Harmony has brought up talks of worrying scenarios. Where it was expected for Watanabe's Nadeshiko to win; they had to do with a one to one draw against Abanhfleft. A disappointing result for the Kandorese but not bad per-say. Questions remain however in the wake of the first game of the Cup of Harmony and how Watanabe will prepare the team against an opponent shrouded in mystery. The players however; are very much in form but even they could not turn the game around when Watanabe started shouting from the sideline and the officials cautioned him for his behaviour.

Akira Watanabe already stated that he expects other teams to be the favourites for the Cup of Harmony. "I do not think we are in any way considered to be the favourites" he stated towards Shinonome Kyoai.

"Barunia, Legalese and Oberour ar Moro fit the role of favourites more than we do; they are a selection who are showing huge potential and they are all playing on the highest level in their own domestic leagues and even abroad. They are playing very attacking football, scoring goals like it is nothing and they are able to stop the opponent in their tracks when it comes to the attack. All of these teams seem to be in complete harmony and look like they have been playing together for over a decade. We can learn a lot from them.

Although when I look at the Nadeshiko myself I do see a glimpse of hope. Our best position is to fill the underdog role and we aim to please in that role. There is only one thing on our minds right now and that is to win the upcoming matches. I do not think we failed in the opening match but we were too anxious against a difficult opponent. The opportunities we had; were easily disposed off by Abanhfleft and this is a situation which should not happen again. We definitely need to learn from this."

The Kandorese fans see Akira Watanabe as an outsider, a dark horse, in the current Cup of Harmony. Many fans have also stated that other countries are faring way better in the current tournament and are performing above their expectations; while Kandorith is limping behind. The Kandorese had a massively disappointing World Cup qualification campaign, losing to nations where they should have had absolute victories, this has impacted the morale of the Kandorese fans.

In the end however, surviving the group phase is an absolute must for the Kandorese who have been dropping in the rankings like a brick. Where under Hasebe the Kandorese were quickly climbing the ranks again; right now under Watanabe they have not been performing to expectations. It is a tournament to watch as the Nadeshiko try to return to glory and are looking for a miracle to save them from humiliation.

Kandorith will face the elusive nation of North Japan next, a perceived dictatorship which has an absolute hatred for anything which does not swing their way. Watanabe has urged caution towards playing against this team as they look poised to try and cause injury when they are on the backbone of the match. A nation which is deluded by their own grandeur and sees the Kandorese as an enemy of the state. One thing is for sure; the Nadeshiko have to triumph in this match and hopefully, Abanhfleft will not get any extra points too. This would be the best situation for the Kandorese and the scenario they will be looking for as this would mean that the last game against Eshialand will be the decisive match and this is where Kandorith could absolutely shine, at least on paper.

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Group L                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Eshialand              1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
2 Abanhfleft             1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
  Kandorith              1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
4 North Japan            1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0

[Saltstead]

(DISCLAIMER: This is not a Goal of the Tournament nomination.)

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(Disallowed) Goal of the Tournament Nominee
Haråud Haråudssen 67’ (Pratapgadh 0:0 Saltstead)

STN Radio 2 transcript

Aleksänder Johanssen-Smid: There is a certain stubbornness to both these teams in the Langvöllur. Neither is giving the other a centimetre of ground here. We are still scoreless in the Group J opener here in Graintfjall, with Pratapgadh getting the better of Saltstead so far.

AJS: Chetan Dandekar takes the shot… and puts it straight into the gloves of Kathrinita Äsħes. One of the best chances Pratapgadh have had thus far and they are unlucky to not be in the lead. Äsħes throws the ball out wide to [Micħäl] Aurelius for Saltstead.

AJS: Aurelius to [Natasħa] Aħterop. A bunch of white shirts pushing forward here! It looks like the Stallions are coming alive at last. Aħterop with a long cross to Aleksa le Duc. This is one of the best opportunities Saltstead have had all game.

AJS: Le Duc with a long ball to Haråud Haråudssen… And Haråudssen heads it past [Purshottama] Mahanta! … and the flag is up for offside. It will not count.

AJS: We are still scoreless here in Hofvinger and [Christiane] van Åupħen is using her final substitution. Mina Ratmaker will come off in favour of Reinhard Åubreħtssen as a second striker. Saltstead are officially desperate.

[Later…]

AJS: And the opening game of Group J finishes scoreless. Pratapgadh and Saltstead are both unlucky to have not scored here. Only time will tell if this result comes back to haunt either side.

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★
The Royal Saltsteadish Football Association
Royal House of Sport, Ashwell

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Pratapgadh 0:0 Saltstead
Cup of Harmony 80 group stage — Matchday 1
Langvöllur Arena, Hofvinger, Graintfjall
Saltstead goalscorers: (none)
Starting line-up (4–5–1): Kathrinita Äsħes; Micħäl Aurelius, Jan-Pijr Åudenberg, Serena van Middelkamp, Catharine de Vriħt (captain); Natasħa Aħterop, Benni Sħåul, Zacharias van den Slåp, Mina Ratmaker, Aleksa le Duc; Haråud Haråudssen
Substitutions: Aurelius > Johan van Tilborg (46’); Sħåul > Constantijn van Bleck (56’); Ratmaker > Reinhard Åubreħtssen (67’)

Saltstead : Legalese
Cup of Harmony 80 group stage — Matchday 2
PR-1070 Platz, Hartburg, Graintfjall
Starting line-up (4–4–2): Robert-Jan van Daal; Micħäl Aurelius, Jan-Pijr Åudenberg, Serena van Middelkamp, Catharine de Vriħt (captain); Natasħa Aħterop, Constantijn van Bleck, Mina Ratmaker, Aleksa le Duc; Stepħanie Withöüf, Haråud Haråudssen
Substitute bench: Kathrinita Äsħes, Julij Kåler; Pijr Josefssen, Johan van Tilborg, Yorg Handel, Victoria Rothöüf; Benni Sħåul, Zacharias van den Slåp, Theodor Felicianus, Nico Joxepħssen, Aleksa Pascal; Reinhard Åubreħtssen

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[North Japan]

HOKUTOU-KO DAILY
The Voice of The People

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Glorious Victory For Kirin

HOKUTOU-KO (JCNA) — The first game in the Cup of Harmony ended in an absolute slaughter in favour of the Kirin. Eshialand had no answer to the absolute brilliant play of the People's Republic style of football. The first goal fell in the second minute of the match and left the team from Eshialand absolutely stunned and unable to take a breather and pick themselves up from the utterly devastating attacks.

In the name of the glorious People's Republic the Japanese team has shown absolute splendour and brilliance on the field; beating the Eshialand team with seven goals to nill. Where the DPRJ plays with their hearts, the opponent seemed to be playing on chance and gambles to try and get the ball behind the impenetrable wall of the Japanese defence. This is where they went wrong; the game of the opponent was mostly gambling and poking to try and find a hole in the defence, where the Japanese played with tactic and insight to break down the Eshialandians and score goal after goal.

For the Glorious Motherland this is yet another victory when it comes to football and it shows the world that we are one of the most successful nations in existence. Because the evil nations of Græntfjall and Krytenia would not allow Japanese fans into their nations, because this would give our team the extra push for greatness, we had to depend on the home support of our glorious people. During the second half it became clear however; even without the Japanese fans the People's Republic team is one of the best teams that has ever been on the fields of football.

After winning the World Cup and beating Eshialand in convincing fashion there seems to be no stopping the Kirin in their quest for total domination. In the end, one mission remains; becoming the most dominant nation in the footballing world. This is where the upcoming game plays a large role.

The next game is against the nation Kandorith, or Kanyori in their native language, which is an absolutely corrupted and deceitful nation. These people, who look similar to us, have strayed far from the path of righteousness and human feelings. A nation which believes in false idols, mega-corporations in implants in the human body is no basis for a modern society. The nation itself has no rights for the working class and has eliminated the protection of the weaker people.

Because we are the chosen defenders of all people in the world, weak, strong, poor or successful; it should be a simple victory for the Kirin. The Kandorese will not stand a change against our superior team and ideology. They will feel the complete wrath of Communism and the wrath of human empathy. No longer shall machines rule their existence and we will cause an awakening in their pathetic nation which will lead to revolution.

[Graintfjall]

Græntfjall – 0 (0)
B. Ernestisson; Lúthersdóttir, Bensson (40’) (83’), Reynarsson, Vilbertsdóttir; Jvarsson (c) (84’ T. Ernestisson ), Ásvaldursson; Guttisdóttir; Jonathansdóttir, Dannysdóttir (67’ Wolfgangsdóttir ), Heikkisdóttir (44’) (90+3’ Bergmundursson )

Barunia – 4 (3)
Mendoza (23’), Carter (31’), Moorhouse (33’), Cartwright (90’)

When Knattspyrnusamband Græntfjalls announced that Igrene Cantor would become the first female manager of the senior Græntfjaller national football team, they might have hoped it would be a headline-grabbing announcement. By the end of the week, it was struggling to find space on an inset box on page 43. The appointment of the Nepharan, previously manager of Brenecian side Marque, came as a surprise to those who felt Pasargan Jens Reiniger or Will Barnard, Gunzlach’s manager originally hailing from Baker Park, were the leading candidates. But in truth KG could have announced Adolf Hilter* team manager, and still failed to own the news cycle.

With caretaker manager Torsten Oliversson still in charge for the opening game of the Cup of Harmony, hosted for the first time on Græntfjaller soil, the debut international fixture at GT Estadio Fútbol De Musarañas De Oro, new home of GT Molding and the largest football stadium ever built in the country, saw a horror show play out. And we’re not talking about the pre-match opening ceremony where a couple of fireworks exploded, maiming a back-up dancer (come on, he didn’t lose that many limbs). The action on the field was far worse as Barunia slaughtered the Snow Wolves, scoring 3 goals within 30 minutes and adding a 4th to complete the abject humiliation.

Perhaps the Snow Wolves could plead distraction. Prior to the game, after all, KG had confirmed a three month ban for Jason Þórhallursson that ruled the striker out for the entirety of the tournament. In a statement notable for its extreme brevity, Þórhallursson apologized to his teammates but avoided any contrition or remorse, while confirming he would not appeal the decision. His positive test for MDMA, not considered a performance enhancing substance but rather a ‘substance of abuse’ under WCC/NSOC/KG/GO regulations, represents a massive embarrassment, particularly in light of the country’s hosting the Cup of Harmony. Even as the opening game was underway, massive posters advertising Þórhallursson in the #9 shirt were being hastily torn down by tournament volunteers.

Following the 4 – 0 drubbing, an emotional Hrærekur Jvarsson announced his resignation as captain of the Snow Wolves. The most-capped Græntfjaller footballer of all time and Græntfjaller MVP of the Baptism of Fire 73, the team’s first (and only?) international footballing success, Jvarsson has been beset by injuries during the last two seasons, but said he had no plans to retire. The situation was further complicated by an injury to Emeli Vilbertsdóttir, who had been elected by teammates to take over the captaincy. She will miss the next game against Baggieland, the much anticipated re-run of the ‘Baggies v Wolves’ clash – and thus Jvarsson has been handed back the very captain’s armband he sought to give up.

Cantor’s first game has seen her make three changes, in addition to bringing in Tom Ernestisson in place of Vigfús Bensson, who picked up an 83rd minute red card and will be suspended. After a string of disappointing performances Hanne Heikkisdóttir is dropped and Eiríka Jonathansdóttir’s prolonged goal drought sees her also out of favor; Lilly Wolfgangsdóttir earns a very surprising start in the #9 jersey, and no less surprising is the return to the starting lineup of Sara Kristoffersdóttir, frustrating copy editors across the land as they now reach into the thesaurus for synonyms for ‘mercurial’. Jade Miansdóttir is also preferred to Álfar Ásvaldursson in the holding role. The set up looks like a more conventional 4-4-2 narrow diamond.

Starting XI against Baggieland: B. Ernestisson; Lúthersdóttir, T. Ernestisson, Reynarsson, Kristersson; Hólmarsdóttir, Jvarsson (c), Guttisdóttir, Kristoffersdóttir; Dannysdóttir, Wolfgangsdóttir

---

* No relation to any similarly named individuals, Hilter was a Græntfjaller light entertainment star in the immediate post-communist years. His rather naff, and now horribly dated, pop ballads such as “Love Is All We Need” and “Kittens And Rainbows” remain a fixture of retirement community soirées.

[Krytenia]

GENERAL ELECTION - Coverage, Part I

David Hughes: Amid some of the greatest political upheavals in the nation's history, it's time, potentially, for one more. Who makes it to Portland House? Let's find out!

<roll credits> (OOC: Psephologist's National Anthem, because of course.)

David Hughes: There's still a few minutes if you haven't voted yet, so until then, we're keeping schtum on our exit poll. Joining me in our election hub tonight we have a crack team of experts, analysts, and number crunchers. First, there's our political editor Louise Candara, keeping up with all the latest news from campaign HQs around Krytenia. Alongside her is technology editor Stephen Scobie, who's keeping tabs on Chirper, Twii.tur, and any other social media he can get his mitts on.

Our analysis team is led by Emma Chamberlain, who's at the videowall with in-depth analysis of individual results.

Emma Chamberlain: We'll have all the predictions, results and movements from all 575 seats loading into this board so we can see on the ground what's happening. Who's swinging where, who's up, who's down, and who's looking for a new job on Monday morning.

David Hughes: In the bear pit there's Neil Anderssen, who'll be questioning the victors, vanquished, and the happily no longer involved in this circus. And we have cameras with all the leaders. The Prime Minister will be hoping to retain power - and that starts at his Wall Vale count. Down south, Penelope Baker will be hoping to become PM, and we're with her in Cammerstone, with the MNP leader John Martindale further east in Aldridge, and Socialist leader Nicole Deschamps up in the Monteste mountains. Finally, we have the Green Room - the virtual world of Peter Nagy and his road to Portland House.

Peter Nagy: Charles Linton got past the post to three hundred and one last time. Can anyone hit the magical 288 and form a majority this time? Stay tuned!

David Hughes: So here we go, the last few seconds before we can reveal our exit poll. What will be the story of tonight?

<BONG!>

Our poll predicts that Penelope Baker will be the next Prime Minister of Krytenia, with a solid majority of over sixty. The Reform Party will lose all but four of their seats, with the Socialists becoming the new Opposition, whilst the Democrats are forecast to win sixty seats. Bear in mind, though, that total includes candidates who won their seats under Reform last time. It'll be a good night for the minor parties as well, with gains for the Greens, a second Communist MW to join Ivan Kaladze, and a first-ever seat for the Bloc.

Louise Candara: The public have given Mr Linton a message, and that message appears to be "Bye Felicia". The Conservatives will be already making plans for government - though it's true the exit poll might be off, that's a lot that it needs to be wrong for Ms Baker to not have a majority here.

to be continued...

[Montana Verde]

Montaña Verde – 0 (0)
Dolfo; Castiglione (20’ Julia Varela (43’)), Edelberto, Jairo, Justin; Edgar; Cristo Díaz (81’ Emma ), Kristjana; Primitivo (12’); Thiago Montilla (46’) (69’ Naomí Berrocal ), Osito

Secuaz de la Muerte – 5 (4)
Bele (7’, 24’, 55’), Pique-Pain (20’), Petit (37’)

Coronel Lucas Iván Moruga Berganza’s brow was slick with sweat; the flickering light of the fire gave his features, not matinee idol handsome in the best light, a particularly savage glare. A private goggled at the appearance of the Coronel this far behind the lines, but let him through after a swift double take.

“What is going on?” demanded Coronel Moruga. “Why is the fire support stopped?”

Capitan Esteban Pareja Zoido looked like he was going to be sick. Moruga glanced down at his boots. Correction, sick, again. “They are pulling out.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Coronel, the Græntfjallers. They are – they are pulling out.”

Moruga shoved past the panic-stricken Capitan, leaving him to chunder afresh over his boots, and stepped down into the command bunker. Soldiers were milling about in confusion, officers were shouting countermanding orders over one another, and in the corner, an enormous blonde man was the only one showing calm. Specifically, he was very calmly packing his bag.

“No.” It was phrased as an order, a question, a plea. And, perhaps, a prayer.

“We are into goings.” Why couldn’t they fucking learn Verdean? fumed Moruga, but this was not the time for grammar lessons. This was time for…

“No.”

The blonde man gave him an ice-eyed rictus smile and tried to wish him luck. The mangled sentence ended up wishing him good underpants. Which, as it happened, was appropriate, as Coronel Moruga had just voided into his. No air support. No heavy gun support. The advisors peeling off the lines, heading for their helicopters and dragons to fly home. Leaving Moruga, his men, and half a million screaming leftists to sort out their differences on their own terms…

He struggled to think of a metaphor for just how bad this situation was. In fútbol, it was like losing 5 – 0…

[Sylestone]

Top Ten Victories in Sylestonean Football History - Part Two

Number 6-7

Number Seven: Sylestone 2-1 The Sarian - World Cup 87 Qualifiers, Matchday Nine
The Bay Reserve, Betham, Sylestone

Number seven in the list is Sylestone’s 2-1 win over The Sarian in Betham during qualifiers for World Cup 87. Now, The Sarian aren’t the most notable footballing force in the world, but in these qualifiers, they certainly were. In World Cup 86, they ran rampant during qualifying in order to finish second, only behind Vilita, and secure one of the six auto-qualifying second-place slots. What’s more, they did this from pot four.

In the previous year, the Sentients had a brilliant Cup of Harmony, finishing third despite being one of the lowest-ranked sides in the competition. It was a brutal display and the nation could not have been happier when they began to show signs of following it up in the World Cup Qualifiers.

This was one of those games. Coming into the game, the Sentients were in fifth on thirteen points while the Saari were in fourth on fifteen. Everything pointed towards an engaging match, with the hosts being the weaker side rank-wise of the two. However, they still were deemed to stand a solid chance in front of a lively home crowd in Betham.

And stand a chance they did. Right from the outset, they began to dominate the Saari, continually pushing them back into their own half. However, when the Tumble Dryer finally had the chance to score in the eighth minute, the shot was a poor one and Saari goalkeeper Lex horn had no problems with catching it.

After this, though, The Sarian began to regroup and slowly began to take the initiative. A long buildup of play resulted in a corner, one which Lach Houten took. It was a beautiful shot, hit perfectly around the post and into the goal. Not even the Brick Wall had a chance. And as a result, The Sarian were beginning to dominate.

However, the Sentients held them off. It was a tough job, don’t get me wrong, but slowly, it began to work. They regained possession but as it approached half time, they were still in the deficit. And that’s when the Bar Stool was tripped.

It happened in the penalty area, too. Henri Brujzen, a Saari defender, performed a poor slide tackle, one of which tripped up the poor midfielder. However, the referee was not hesitant to point directly towards the penalty spot and raise a yellow card - booking the Saari. The ever-reliable Fridge took the kick and slotted it past Horn to perfection. Even if she had gone the right way, there was no way she would have saved it.

And so it was. At half time, the Sentients had succeeded at keeping their apparently superior opponents at bay, only giving them a few opportunities. An intriguing second half awaited the crowd at Betham.

A series of chances occurred in the twenty minutes after half time, for both sides. Neither sides’ defenders were at their absolute best, but neither were the forwards. The shots for goal either missed or went directly to the goalkeeper - it was only very rarely that they were really challenged.

In the 71st minute, though, the Saari had their best chance since Houten’s moment of brilliance. Once again, it was The Sarian’s forward who was given the chance, with a cross into the box. It was effectively an one-on-one with the Brick Wall, but with Sylestonean defenders advancing from all sides, Houten could only take the one touch. Although it was on target, it was not good enough for the Brick Wall. The score was still 1-1.

The Sentients’ next opportunity arrived in the 78th minute. A brilliant pass from the Bar Stool bisected two Saari defenders and rolled directly towards the Bar Stool. However, with the ball being controlled near the goal line, a direct shot was nigh on impossible. With a feint away from a Saari defender, the Mixer then turned and shot at goal, this time with a much more favourable angle. The ball curled away from Horn and crashed into the bottom-left corner of the net and the Sentients, against all odds, were 2-1 up. Pot 5 were beating Pot 2.

And it stayed that way. Although The Sarian dominated the final few minutes, they could not break the stacked Sylestonean defence. They had won and fourth spot had been sealed, for the time being.

And that’s where they were at the end of the qualifiers. Unfortunately, a pair of losses to eventual World Cup runners-up Ko-oren, Quebec and the Blouman Empire ensured they would not finish within the top three, but hey. After your previous record in qualifying, 29 points from 18 games is pretty darn acceptable.

SYLESTONE - 2
Fridge 42’ (P)
Mixer 78’

THE SARIAN - 1
Houten 17’

Number Six: Sylestone 0-0 Ethane (0-0 AET) (4-3 pen.) - Cup of Harmony 78, Round of 32
Somewhere, Ethane

Ah, Ethane. There can be absolutely no surprises that they have a mention in Sylestone’s best victories of all time. ‘Cause that’s all we ever do against them, after all. Win.

No, but seriously. It seems to be that way in every single sport except football. Football is the one sport where the Ethanian Red Kites are superior to the Sylestonean Sentients (and humans). Not any other sport. Just fuckin’ football.

And naturally, they had to celebrate that rivalry. That’s what rivals do, right? They go out for parties and celebrate until 4 o’clock in the morning when they fall unconscious after drinking litres upon litres of vodka and whatever else. But these two are nations, not just close mates celebrating whatever the fuck close mates want to celebrate. So what do they do?

They co-host the 78th Cup of Harmony.

And, naturally, come across each other in the tournament’s round of 32.

It had taken them many a year, but finally, the Sentients were starting to display their footballing prowess on the world stage. In the group stage of the tournament, they had succeeded in clinching second place, ahead of the likes of Krytenia and upcoming footballing giant Tikariot. They had a 3-1-2 record, with wins over Twicetagria, The Jovannic and Murphtannia all pivotal in their progression. A draw on matchday three with Tikariot gave the Sentients their tenth point in total, while a 4-1 loss to eventual victors Krytenia and a 1-0 loss to the undefeated Xanneria were the only two blemishes the Sentients themselves had produced. The latter of which they would turn around later on in the tournament, as already covered.

Meanwhile, the Red Kites had also attained the exact same record as the Sentients. However, unlike Sylestone, their ten points had netted them third place in the group and as a result, the nations were at each others’ heels in the first knockout round. As it was between two emerging rivals, it was easily one of the best matches in the tournament. And in Sylestonean footballing history.

Overall, as you would expect, the Ethanians dominated. They weren’t utterly ruthless, but the Brick Wall was challenged far more often than its opposite number. Within the first twenty minutes, it pulled off at least four brilliant saves that a smaller goalkeeper may have failed in keeping out. But it took until the 25th minute for Brick Wall’s dominance really began to shine through.

The ominous look of a literal Brick Wall in goals was too much for Declan Smith. After being fouled, within the box, he ran back to take the resulting spot kick, confidence running high. Until he saw the Wall itself. In order to score, he knew he needed to hit his shot to perfection - nothing else would suffice. And he didn’t. The Brick Wall deflected the shot away with ease, directly to the Stove, who ran up the left wing with the ball. The Ethanian defence was caught off guard as the Sentient midfielder began to hone in on Joss Araujo in goals. However, with several Ethanian defenders converging, the Stove panicked and shot for goal. The ball hit Araujo in the nuts and as he lay writhing on the ground, the entire stadium shook with laughter. However, as all 22 players on the field (save Araujo) rolled around, it seemed that no one had realised that the ball was still in play. Eventually, Red Kite defender Max Wilburn-Mason came to his senses and smacked the ball out of play. By the time the half-time break came around, the Toaster gave the Sentients an… expletive-laden rant, despite the scoreline still somehow being 0-0.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SCORE! MR STOVE HERE KICKED THE FUCKING BALL INTO HIS FUCKING NUTS AND THEN ALL OF YOU JUST FUCKING LAUGH AND NO ONE FUCKING DECIDES TO GO UP AND KICK THE FUCKING BALL INTO THE FUCKING GOAL! WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING!!! WE PROBABLY JUST GAVE THE FUCKING GAME AWAY THEN AND THERE. BUT WE CAN DO THIS. GET THE FUCK BACK OUT THERE AND START FUCKING THINKING, OK? I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU UNTIL WE ARE THREE FUCKING GOALS UP." - Toaster at the half time break

What did I tell you? Get used to it. It’s the Toaster.

But inside, it was secretly chuffed. While the Sentients could easily lose their hold on the game in a moment of madness, keeping their far-superior Esportivan counterparts to 0-0 inside the first half of the game. They may have had far less possession and were continually inside their own half, but no goals are no goals.

However, at the beginning of the second half, the Sentients began to fight back. The midfield began cutting down the Red Kites’ offensives as play returned to an even deadlock. Neither sides’ goalkeepers were troubled too much until the 73rd minute of the match. Yes, it took 28 entire minutes for either side to really have a single chance.

And, somehow, it was to Sylestone. The Fridge took a corner, and kicked it directly to the Bar Stool in front of the goalmouth. With only Araujo to beat, the Bar Stool should have been able to score. But it couldn’t. Araujo was prepared and procured an outstretched leg to block the midfielder’s shot at goal. It deflected to the Tumble Dryer, who in front of a near-open goal, was lost in the nervousness of it all. It shot, and missed. By an entire fucking metre.

The Toaster was not happy.

Nothing else of note really happened until full-time, although the Ethanians slowly began to regain dominance in the game heading into extra time. However, with only 30 minutes left until penalties, they had to do something. Because when a Brick Wall is in goals, your chances of converting a penalty cannot be very high.

In the 102nd minute, though, three minutes before the break in extra time, Declan Smith of Ethane received a pass from Alex Woodrow, broke past the Dishwasher and slotted the ball into the goal. There was nothing at all the Brick Wall could do, but while the home crowd erupted into cheers, it appeared that the Drawer had seen something no one else had.

Smith was offside. It was still 0-0.

And 0-0 it stayed. No matter how hard Ethane tried, they could not break the Sylestonean defence in the remaining fifteen minutes. The game had gone to penalties. This was it.

But when the Mixer cleared the crossbar by metres in the first shot of the shootout, odds were not in the Sentients’ favour. And when Wilburn-Mason slotted the Red Kites’ first shot past the Brick Wall, Ethane seemed destined to take the honours. Again.

But no. As calm as a refrigerator, the Bar Stool stepped up and slotted the ball into the right corner of the net to even the scores.

And even it stayed. The Brick Wall saved the Red Kites’ second shot before the following two shots for either nation were converted. With one shot to go, the two rivals could not be separated with three goals to each of them.

The Dishwasher stepped up to the mark. If it missed, Sylestone would almost certainly be going home. It didn’t. The shot went directly up the middle, hit the underside of the crossbar and bounced into the back of the net.

Declan Smith then stood up to take the final penalty before it went into sudden death. The pressure was on him. Could he score?

The pressure was too much. By no means was the shot a bad one; it would have defeated almost any goalkeeper in the multiverse. But not the Brick Wall. The abrupt silence in the crowd that followed the deflection away from the goal was followed by cheers from the small number of Sylestoneans in the crowd. Somehow, against all odds, they had progressed to the round of 16 of the Cup of Harmony. How far could they go?

Take that, Ethane.

SYLESTONE - 0

ETHANE - 0

---

VDARA - 2
Petras 17’, 56’

SYLESTONE - 0

Schedule:

MD1: Sylestone 0-2 Vdara @ Hagejoki Play Park, Graentfjall
MD2: Sylestone - The Grearish Union @ Sanktjakobvöllur, Graentfjall
MD3: Sylestone - Pemecutan @ Fjlarkfjall Arena, Graentfjall

[Krytenia]

If you're in Groups I to P, the cutoff message reads as follows:

Don't waste your prayers, they can't save us,
Lifestyles of the sick and dangerous...

Group I
Oberour ar Moro 0–0 TJUN-ia
Montaña Verde 3–0 Indusse

Group I                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Oberour ar Moro        2   1  1  0    5   0  +5    4
2 TJUN-ia                2   1  1  0    2   0  +2    4
3 Montaña Verde          2   1  0  1    3   5  −2    3
4 Indusse                2   0  0  2    0   5  −5    0  E

Group J
Saltstead 5–2 Legalese
Pratapgadh 0–5 Electrum

Group J                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Saltstead              2   1  1  0    5   2  +3    4
2 Legalese               2   1  0  1    7   6  +1    3
3 Electrum               2   1  0  1    6   5  +1    3
4 Pratapgadh             2   0  1  1    0   5  −5    1

Group K
Pemecutan 0–0 Vdara
The Grearish Union 0–0 Sylestone

Group K                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Vdara                  2   1  1  0    2   0  +2    4
2 Pemecutan              2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
  The Grearish Union     2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
4 Sylestone              2   0  1  1    0   2  −2    1

Group L
Kandorith 3–1 North Japan
Abanhfleft 5–1 Eshialand

Group L                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Abanhfleft             2   1  1  0    6   2  +4    4
2 Kandorith              2   1  1  0    4   2  +2    4
3 Eshialand              2   1  0  1    2   5  −3    3
4 North Japan            2   0  0  2    1   4  −3    0  E

Group M
Adab 1–2 Siovanija & Teusland
San Ortelio 4–0 Garifunya

Group M                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 San Ortelio            2   2  0  0    6   0  +6    6  Q
2 Siovanija & Teusland   2   2  0  0    5   2  +3    6  Q
3 Adab                   2   0  0  2    1   4  −3    0  E
4 Garifunya              2   0  0  2    1   7  −6    0  E

Group N
Garbelia 1–0 Eastfield Lodge
Sharktail 0–2 Zwangzug

Group N                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Garbelia               2   2  0  0    2   0  +2    6  Q
2 Zwangzug               2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
3 Eastfield Lodge        2   0  1  1    1   2  −1    1
4 Sharktail              2   0  0  2    0   3  −3    0  E

Group O
Srednjaci 2–1 Murphtannia
Squidroidia 1–2 Sargossa

Group O                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sargossa               2   2  0  0    3   1  +2    6
2 Squidroidia            2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
3 Srednjaci              2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
4 Murphtannia            2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0

Group P
Barunia 2–0 Bollonich
Græntfjall 2–0 Baggieland

Group P                Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Barunia                2   2  0  0    6   0  +6    6  Q*
2 Bollonich              2   1  0  1    2   3  −1    3
3 Græntfjall             2   1  0  1    2   4  −2    3
4 Baggieland             2   0  0  2    1   4  −3    0  E*

Bollonich and Græntfjall meet on MD3 and therefore can neither both catch Barunia or be caught by Baggieland.

[Graintfjall]

Each MD I will be offering a small prompt on the theme of music. These prompts are not required and there is no extra bonus for doing them compared with doing a match report or any other type of RP; they’re simply there because, at the end of a long World Cup cycle and with many tournaments competing for attention, inspiration may be running thin. Feel free to respond in whatever format you like – or ignore them entirely.

Punk

Was there a moment that your team broke all the rules? Do you have any particularly rebellious players? A manager who broke with convention? A match that signalled the start of Anarchy in the $NATION_PRETITLE?

---

MD2 cutoff

Group A
Tumbra 1–1 Mytanija
Krytenia 1–1 The Licentian Isles

  Group A                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Mytanija                         2   1  1  0    4   1  +3    4
2 Krytenia                         2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
3 Tumbra                           2   0  1  1    1   3  −2    1
4 The Licentian Isles              2   0  1  1    1   4  −3    1

Group B
Xanneria 3–4 Reçueçn
Sarzonia 2–0 Atheara

  Group B                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sarzonia                         2   1  1  0    2   0  +2    4
2 Reçueçn                          2   1  1  0    4   3  +1    4
3 Xanneria                         2   0  1  1    3   4  −1    1
4 Atheara                          2   0  1  1    0   2  −2    1

Group C
Ranoria 1–0 Sendhang
Huayramarca 3–1 Savojarna

  Group C                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Huayramarca                      2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
2 Ranoria                          2   1  1  0    1   0  +1    4
3 Savojarna                        2   1  0  1    3   4  −1    3
4 Sendhang                         2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0 E

Group D
Squornshelous 2–0 Eraman
Kohnhead 1–3 Le Choix

  Group D                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Squornshelous                    2   1  1  0    3   1  +2    4
2 Le Choix                         2   1  0  1    4   3  +1    3
3 Eraman                           2   1  0  1    2   3  −1    3
4 Kohnhead                         2   0  1  1    2   4  −2    1

Group E
Chartistan 1–1 New Lusitania
Darmen 3–2 Valentine Z

  Group E                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Darmen                           2   1  1  0    5   4  +1    4
2 Chartistan                       2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
  New Lusitania                    2   0  2  0    3   3   0    2
4 Valentine Z                      2   0  1  1    4   5  −1    1

Group F
St Trinians 1–1 Hispinas
Zeta Reka and Hügeltaldom 1–1 Drawkland

  Group F                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Drawkland                        2   0  2  0    5   5   0    2
  Hispinas                         2   0  2  0    5   5   0    2
  St Trinians                      2   0  2  0    2   2   0    2
  Zeta Reka and Hügeltaldom        2   0  2  0    2   2   0    2

Group G
Trolleborg 1–0 Sannyamathland
Busoga Islands 2–0 Talamia

  Group G                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Busoga Islands                   2   2  0  0    3   0  +3    6 Q
2 Trolleborg                       2   1  0  1    1   1   0    3
3 Talamia                          2   1  0  1    2   3  −1    3
4 Sannyamathland                   2   0  0  2    1   3  −2    0 E

Group H
Ethane 1–0 Flavovespia
The Gothanita Isles 2–3 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles

  Group H                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Ethane                           2   2  0  0    2   0  +2    6
2 Flavovespia                      2   1  0  1    2   2   0    3
3 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles      2   1  0  1    4   4   0    3
4 The Gothanita Isles              2   0  0  2    2   4  −2    0

[Srednjaci]

Who knows more

MIRKO DORIĆ : Dear viewers, welcome to the quiz "Who knows more ?!" this is a fun quiz show that has a humanitarian goal. We will gather two teams of four competitors from each sport. Teams will have three games available and the winner is the one who wins more games. Each plays one point and has a total of six questions per team. This is the first quiz in the series. The winning team wins the Jack Pot in the amount of 300,000 dalats which it donates to any humanitarian organization or association for the protection of people, animals or the environment. Today we have two teams that will fight against each other.

MACTH ONE : FOOTBALL VS TENNIS

Lucija Bagarić and Tena Špiričić with Mirko Dorić at show

MIRKO DORIĆ : Today, football and tennis teams will cross their knowledge. So let's go then. The football team will be represented by Davida Zimmer, Vjekoslav Talić, Isidor Matković and Danijela Majić. Say hello to the football team!
(competitors enter the stage)
Please take your positions on the left counter.
And the tennis team will be represented by Tena Špiričić, Ljubomir Ivanković, Lucija Bagarić and Leonid Farkaš ... let's applaud them too.
(competitors arrived on stage).
Ladies and gentlemen, take your positions on the right counter. And to make this quiz even more tense, the team leaders will take care of it. The leader of the football team is our celebrated boxer Robert Zurović and the leader of the tennis team is also the celebrated boxer, younger brother Tom Zurović! Guys, you can suggest an answer to your teams but you must not say it.
So, during consultations, team leaders are allowed to lead the team to the answer but they are not allowed to say the answer directly if they know it.

FIRST ROUND

MIRKO DORIĆ : The game is called - SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY SPORT!
In this game, the questions are about the sport of the opposing team. Each team has six questions. The winner is the team that has more answers. For consultations, each team gets 45 seconds. Tem football opens first.
Are you ready for a football team.

TEAM: We are! haha

MIRKO: please, applause for the upcoming football players!

MIRKO: Thank you! Let's go with the questions. You listen carefully.
At which international tennis tournament did Srednjaci first appear?

TEAM LEADER: does anyone know?

ISIDOR: Steinigestrasse Open?

MIRKO: the answer is correct! Applause for the first point.
Next question. What is the name of the country that hosts the Astello Open?

TEM LEADER: does anyone know?

DAVIDA: I think we should consult.

TEAM LEADER: we are asking for a consultation!

MIRKO: ok, 45 seconds on the move ... NOW

TEAM FOOTBALL: I whisper softly ...

DAVIDA: I think we have the answer.

MIRKO: Who is it?

DAVIDA: San Ortelio?

MIRKO: San Ortelio is the correct answer! And another affected issue.
Let's go to the third question. Please applause the audience ... thank you.
What is the name of the tennis player who stopped Ljubomir Ivankovic three times?

IVANKOVIC: hahahaha

TEAM LEADER: does anyone know?

ISIDOR: Navsal?

MIRKO: How else? We need a full name ...

TEAM LEDAR: consultation?

ISIDOR: Isn't it Ardil?

MIRKO: That's right! Ardil Navsal! and the third question affected. Let's move on to the fourth question.
Which tennis tournament starts?

DAVIDA: Beçonailles?

MIRKO: bravo! it goes to you hahaha
The fourth question is affected.
The fifth question is this: what is the name of the couple who beat our Tena and Alina in the Hamilton International final?

TEAM LEADER: Does anyone know? Do we need a consultation?

DANIJELA: Yes, consultation please

MIRKO: Your new 45th second is starting

tik tik tik tik
The football team whispers. They are completely insecure.

MIRKO: Your time is up. Do we have an answer?

TALIC: Arne Oxwald and Goran McEnroe?

MIRKO: incorrect answer! The correct answer is Sara Zhuo and Gyrachor Rentos from Electrum and Ceni.
Let's go to the last question.
How many wins in a row did Leo and Goran have before they were defeated in the quarterfinals by Hamilton International?

ISIDOR: 15?

MIRKO: 15 is the correct answer! Bravo! Team, you had one incorrect answer which means you collected five answers !! woohoo
And now we’ll see how much tennis knows about football!
Tennis players, I hope you're ready. There are six questions before you. Let's go right away with the first question.
What football competition is ahead of us?

TEAM LEADER: does anyone know or are we going for a consultation?

IVANKOVIĆ: Cup of Harmony?

MIRKO: that is the correct answer! Bravo! Let's go to another question. What is the biggest victory of our national team and against whom?

TENA: Wait, aren't those two questions? Haha

MIRKO: Not if the question is related to the same event.

TENA: What are these tricks? Haha

MIRKO: does anyone know?

FARKAŠ: 5: 1 against Ibixa?

MIRKO: Yes! Bravo. This is the second correct answer. Let's go to the third question.
Who is our national team top scorer?

LUCIJA: I know! Isidor Matković?

MIRKO: That's right! Lucia answered correctly. Let's go to question number 4! At the CoH, our national team last match will play against...?

IVANKOVIĆ: Sargossa?

MIRKO: Well... Sargossa is the correct answer. And the last question is. Our national team suffered the heaviest defeat in the qualifications for WC88, since when?

TEAM LEADER: Does anyone know? Consultations?

TENA: I think I know, but maybe we should consult ...

TEAM LEADER: We are seeking consultation

MIRKO: ok, your 45 seconds have just started.

The tennis team is whispering ...

TENA: Bongo Johnson?

MIRKO: Bongo Johnson is the correct answer. Bravo Tena!
This answer gives a score of 6 correct answers for a tennis team and a football team has 5 correct answers. The result after the first game is 1: 0 for the tennis team!

Celebration of the tennis team!

MIRKO: ok, let's move on!

GEOGRAPHY

MIRKO: The second game is geography. Each team gets three questions from geography. The team must select only one member to match. We start football with that again.
Footballers ready?

TEAM LEADER: Yes, we are. Always ready.

MIRKO: Who is your respondent?

TEAM LEADER: Isidor

MIRKO: ok, then listen carefully. Which city in DR Srednjaci is also called the blue city?

ISIDOR: Sleeping?

MIRKO: Dormatisi is the correct answer.

MIRKO : Our oldest city- state is?

ISIDOR : Hmmm, Melarit?

MIRKO : that is correct answer! Bravo! Last one is : Captal city of Dotivija is?

ISIDOR : Dotivija City...

MIRKO : wow! Three of three! Respect!
Tennis player, your turn. You know the rules. Who is your respondent?

TEAM LEADER : Ljubo will our player.

MIRKO : ok, Ljubo, are you ready?

IVANKOVIĆ : ready

MIRKO: First question. What is name of capital city of North Slavonija?

LJUBO : Podgora?

MIRKO : That is correct!
Second question is. In which Srednjacian town is automotodrome?

LJUBO : Raduč?

MIRKO : correct again!
Last question is. Most popular our summer touristic destination is...?

LJUBO : Plava Laguna?

MIRKO : Plava Laguna is correct!! Both teams play werry well. So both team have a three of three! So, teams will receive 0,5 points. Result after two games is 1,5-0,5 for tennis team.
Lets play last game!

FAST FINGER

MIRKO : in this game all of you have a buttons in front of you. After question only fast finger can answer.
Let's play!
First question is : What is name of animal Delaclava's national basketball team?

TRIIIIIN (button sound)

MIRKO : Tem football is faster, and Talić is fastes player. Talić, tell us what you think?

TALIĆ :Bird?

MIRKO : we need more, we need name of bird

TALIĆ : eagle?

MIRKO : nooo, it is not eagle. Tennis team, do you know answer?

FARKAŠ : phoenix?

MIRKO : yes, that is correct!
next question: Which big international football competition is playing right now?

TRIIIIIN (button sound)

MIRKO : again the football team is faster of course. And it was Talić again haha
Tell us man...

TALIĆ : IBA Champions League qualifikations and Cup of Harmony?

MIRKO : yes, that is right!
1:1 is score in this game
Next question: Where was last basketball world championship?

TRIIIIIN (button sound)

MIRKO : who is fastest finger? Oh, is Lucija Bagarić. Lucija, do you know the answer? Be carefull. If you say correctly your Tem is winner, if you are wrong...you lose.

LUCIJA : yas I know that haha

MIRKO : ok, where was last basketball championship?

LUCIJA : Delaclava?

MIRKO : Delaclava is correct!!
Tennis team wins a 300 000 Dalats!
What a great play by tennis team!!

Tennis team jumping around and celebrate!

MIRKO : Congrats tennis team. So , to whom movey goes ?

TENA : we decide that money goes to " Kolibri". Organisation for werry ill children of leukemia and cancer.

MIRKO : thank you very much people! I hope that money will help some child and parents.
Thank you dear viewers. Stay with our program. Next time we have new more teams, Handball vs Basketball!

[Chartistan]

"Can you believe it again, Doctor Lucas? You've just drawn against ANOTHER top-tier side in New Lusitania! How does that feel?"

The cameras were all snapping at the press conference shortly after the game in Linford between New Lusitania and Combbrush's Chartistani national team. The result of that game? A draw. Once again the seemingly plucky underdogs had gotten a result against a major opponent in their group, placing them in a good position to qualify for the Round of 32 for the first time in the history, albeit a short one, of this team. All Lucas was doing was staring in front of the flashing cameras, water in tow.

"I swear this team is fantastic against top 50 opposition, heck, even top 60 opposition! These are the highest caliber of teams in this tournament at least, and guess what? 2 freaking points! I'll take it every day of the week!"

"Doctor Lucas, what was going through your mind when Exnash scored the game opener?"

"When that ball was headed into the net by him, I swear it all felt like the past few cycles a dream. You don't expect a team like this to be good against opposition that will most likely beat you up to a pulp THIS consistently, if you get what I mean. What should have been heavy losses were turned into wins. Every single time it felt like I got fifty Charts on a scratcher, and I tell ya, I thought this was going to be the case again."

"Then the goal by Daniel Jota came in at the second half. What was your reaction to that?"

"To be honest, I expected New Lusitania to at least draw. You can't lead against a team like them when you're not even in the top 100 for long, do you? That Jota goal was class, I tell you, absolute class by a player of his stature. He should be proud that it got to the back of the net of Williams. He should be very proud of that strike."

"With 2 games already done, you have one more game on the schedule against Valentine Z. How's your team coping with an opponent of their stature after drawing consecutively against top 60 opposition?"

"We should be beating them. No matter how you slice it, it should be a victory for our team. I know that the Valentinians are a bit tall and all, but they are lower in the rankings than us. Then again our team might be a little rusted to handle lower tier opposition due to our exploits against Darmen and New Lusitania, so who the hell knows?"

"Again, it is entirely possible for your team to be eliminated if they lose against Valentine Z or they draw and New Lusitania wins against Darmen. If your team does get eliminated, what would be your reaction?"

"...Stuff happens. I get it. Just because we did those results doesn't mean that we're through automatically! I would be fine if we got knocked out, because guess what? We can PLAY football. Not many teams can say that at a tournament this big."

"One more question before you go: Do you expect any of the other Chartistani players to play abroad, like Exnash or Yamjune?"

"It depends. If we somehow make it deep, some teams would like to snap those players up. Personally playing abroad would be best for these players, but I understand not all of them are ready. Those who are performing wonders for the team will most likely make the jump abroad."

"That's all Doctor Lucas."

"Thank you."

[Garbelia]

Garbelia (Goodotter 72) 1–0 Eastfield Lodge

Lutri Otterdottir's reign was going well. Her young Garbelia side had just become one of the first teams to make it through to the Cup of Harmony knockout stages from what looked like a group of death, being 3rd seeds, where even the team below them in the rankings were former giants. And they were winning in the right way she thought. A solid defence being the platform to attack. That is how it is meant to work. Her record was P 20 W9 D5 L6, and she had already got a Di Bradini Cup quarter-final under her belt. Last night was no different. Eastfield Lodge attacked well, but were starved of possession. And now Garbelia get that little green Q next to their name. Of course they'd probably draw some team who crashed out of the playoffs and lose in the Ro16, but at least they made it from the group stages. Things were looking up for the Otters.

[Tumbra]

Tumbra 1-1 Mytanija

Tumbra (4-3-3): 1 - Lennon; 2 - Hughes 4 - Henderson (14 - Ashburn, 69'), 5 - Brown (20 - Paterson, 79'), 19 - Carter; 6 - Hicks, 16 - Morgan, 23 - Cole; 7 - Fraser (17 - van Heirolf, 83'), 9 - Vaughn; 11 - Sheldon

Mytanija (3-1-3-3): 1 - Kasun; 3 - Savicevic, 4 - Anac, 5 - Odonelec, P; 6 - Hrdaljko; 2 - Vukovic, 10 - Odonelec, J., 7 - Fezjuli (18 - Kupresak, 64'); 8 - Gavrilovic, 11 - Gajic (20 - Yvjoev, 83'); 9 - Ocokoljic (21 - Andrijasevic, 89')

TMB scorers: Phil Cole (36')
MYT scorers: Jezdimir Ockoljic (38')

Player of the Match: Jezdimir Ocokoljic (MYT)

SPORT: TUMBRA 1-1 MYTANIJA
On A Knife's Edge, Three Minutes of Chaos Sees Fight To Qualify Go To Final Matchday; Result In Cyan-Black Derby Needed

ELLISHAM — Tumbra's future in the Cup of Harmony looks set to be on a knife's edge after the Black Eagles failed to produce a result against the Mytanars, in which play was evenly distributed, and opportunities were present galore; but once again, in a tale familiar to most Tumbrans, disappointing finishing led to the spoils being shared. The result now presents major questions over the long-term future of Marco Hemmings, and whether he can remain in the job of national team manager long term. Rumours abate that he might leave the post after the Cup of Harmony, even if the manager gets Tumbra out of the extremely dangerous Group A; reports state that he is as yet uncommitted to the stridently more defensive approach put in place after the first half of qualifying by his assistant manager, Peter Gabriel; and that uncommitment, and reported uncomfortableness with the defensive direction taken by the team, might cause him to leave the job early.

The match — Tumbra's first encounter with the Mytanars since the previous Cup of Harmony, in which the Tumbrans ran out 1-0 winners — got off to a lively and combative start, as both teams jostled for control of the ball; notably, Robin Vaughn was observed drifting further deeper and into the midfield than his usual role as an out-and-out inside forward; evidently the tactical shift was engineered to deny the Mytanars, who boast a four-man midfield, total control of it. This left Couno Rangers striker Marcus Sheldon as the man sole attacking threat, while most goal threats would come down the left wing; Neil Fraser would continually force both left winger Srdan Vukovic and centre-back Grigorij Savicevic to track back and across the defence to deal with the Clyde Park playmaker.

Several attacking runs were made on both sides, but neither would break through; a twenty-fifth minute chance by talismanic striker Jezdimir Ocokoljic was saved by goalkeeper John Lennon, eager to right the mistakes made in the match against Krytenia; Tumbra, too, would have an opportunity denied by Mytanar goalkeeper Pedja Kasun, with Neil Fraser's inswinging shot from just outside the box heroically parried by the Ararat Severyan goalkeeper.

The deadlock, however, would be broken by Phil Cole in the thirty-sixth minute; the attacking midfielder spying a spot on the edge of the box; latching onto a cross by Robin Vaughn, Cole smartly outfoxed the defenders in the box and rifled the ball into the net with his left foot. A low, powerful shot, Kasun was unable to respond; by the time he dived, the ball had already gone past him. What followed next, however, would be two minutes of chaos; the Mytanars, upon restarting, pressed the ball extremely high and began passing extremely quickly; by the time Ocokoljic got his foot to the ball in an onside position, it was too late to stop the energetic striker and the neat finish helped Mytanija equalise within 90 seconds of Cole's goal. The Black Eagles had been pegged back; heading into the half-time break, it would be 1-1.

The second half would see the Black Eagles' offensive line cut in half, with magnificent defending again on either side to deny many further opportunities on goal; though the match was remarkable for its high rate of yellow cards; four were given out to either side, for a total of eight yellow cards for various fouls and manouveres throughout the match. That, perhaps, was what necessitated the defensive backline swapping out; Hemmings perhaps was not willing to risk his main defensive lineup for the key match against the Licentian Isles.

The match would end 1-1; Tumbra would score their first point of the Cup of Harmony, needing three points to progress from the group. The team will remain in Ellisham for their game against the Licentian Isles, a regional rival; the last time the two sides met, the Islanders dispatched Tumbra 2-1 to progress to the quarter-finals of the Campionato Esportiva. Should the Black Eagles be dumped out of the group stages, questions will be raised over Hemmings' long-term future with the team; with the draw against Mytanija, the Black Eagles have now gone winless in all five matches since his return.

Much, then, hinges on the Black Eagles' performances against the Licentian Isles; though, in a scenario familiar to Tumbrans, whether they progress from the group stages or not is completely out of their hands.

MATCH 57 — THE LICENTIAN ISLES vs TUMBRA @ TICKFORD PARK, ELLISHAM
Starters: 1 - Lennon; 2 - Hughes, 14 - Ashburn, 5 - Brown, 3 - White; 6 - Hicks, 8 - McGrath, 10 - Herlinger; 17 - van Heirolf, 9 - Vaughn, 22 - Cohen
Substitutes: 12 - Addison, 13 - Barker; 18 - Campbell, 4 - Henderson, 20 - Paterson, 19 - Carter; 15 - Aitken, 16 - Morgan, 23 - ; 17 - van Heirolf, 21 - Cresswood; 22 - Cohen

---

Link to Arc Home
defender meets midfielder: season 2, part 7

Previously...
Stephen Kerr touches down in Chromatika, and his dear friend Trudy Harrison's about to bring him on a whirlwind tour of the country. To his absolute surprise, though, she drags him to an opening ceremony, and surprises him even more when it's revealed that she, of all people, was chosen to raise the flag of the World Cup. What'll happen next?

After an opening ceremony of that stature, and arguably of the world's pre-eminent sporting event, there has to be a function.

And while Stephen would typically have relished any opportunity to mix it up with people from all across the globe and enjoy the free food, he experienced a particular reluctance to attend this one. And secondly, he was way, way underdressed. With the exception of the man in blue overalls, most of the people there were wearing full evening dress; Stephen found himself gently ushered into the function room wearing...cargo pants, sneakers and a black shirt. Evidently he wasn't prepared for this; the only notice he got was when Trudy grabbed his arm and led him into the function room after the opening ceremony, without saying a word. An apologetic glance on her face later, she'd disappeared into the crowd.

Well, as well as someone who had clearly been the centre of attention could disappear into a crowd, anyway.

If anyone asked, he was wearing the outfit ironically; though he'd tried his best to stay out of the spotlight, and nobody had given him as much a glance. He'd spent the night mostly flitting about the sides of the room, holding a small paper plate cautiously and eating what little food he'd managed to glean from the trays, or from the ever-present waiters. He'd briefly considered asking if he could borrow a waistcoat, just to blend in; but if he did, he expected he'd just get more attention. What was a waiter doing without a tie? And why wasn't he doing waiter things?

So there he was, relegated to the corner of an impressive ballroom, with a lot of the rich and famous of the world in there. He recognised a few, though he wasn't daft enough to go and talk to them. And right in the middle of it all, in the same black, flowing dress that she wore when raising the World Cup flag, was Trudy Harrison. Laughing, socialising, chatting with those who talked to her as though she'd been born to do it. It struck Stephen as strange — this was a side of her he'd never seen before. A social butterfly. But then again, as he reflected, he hadn't seen much of Trudy in the year prior. Perhaps she'd just gained a lot of social skills.

Hours passed, the crowd thinned, yet Trudy showed no signs of slowing down. The kimchi Stephen had taken a particular liking to had grown cold; the fermented vegetables sat on his plate, sad and wrinkled, and Stephen really had no interest in it anymore. Merely staring at the world going by, again, he'd picked a vacant table and sat down; a phone notification buzzed. A tentative buzz revealed it wasn't from Trudy, but from his agent, John.

Negotiations...not going well. They're not prepared to pay. I might walk away — I am not letting you stay on two thousand a week. I'll get your name around the world; surely people will want to pay for the next big defensive thing.

For a vacation where he was meant to be getting away from the stress of his future of his footballing career, it sure found a way to catch up to him. He sighed, marked the notification as read; and sat at the table, ignoring the waiters who brought wine to his side.

What did the future hold for him? Was he really going to move to Chromatika? From Trudy's perspective, who'd spent the past year here, Chromatika did sound like the perfect place to hone his footballing talent. A decently-highly placed and competitive football league. A culture he'd enjoyed, and thought he'd fit right into. Sure, the weather was a little on the cold side, but there wasn't anything he couldn't adjust to in time.

Plus, Trudy was here.

This was a holiday, for god's sake, but it quickly seemed like scouting for his next home.

Phone, face down; and the next time the waiter passed the table, he gratefully took a cup of wine. It wasn't strong, but he never did drink much. He drank too much on his first sip; the smoky feeling rising through his nose almost was too much. After what felt like an eternity, he drained the glass, and immediately regretted it; pushing the glass away, that would be it for tonight.

After what felt like an eternity, Trudy finally sat down next to him; in characteristic Harrison fashion, it was less a sit and more a flop. Presumably with less people around, she could act more like herself again; but she still cast eyes around, warily.

"So...I owe you an explanation."
"Trudy, I don't really care. I've felt naked throughout the night and I've spent the last three hours prowling around this ballroom. If I didn't know better I'd say I was more acquainted with the paintings on the wall than anyone here. Let's get the fuck out of here, please — I don't think I can physically stand this place anymore."
She looked at him, almost taken aback. "Sure...let's...let's go."

---

Their attempt to get as far away from the stadium as possible brought them to a little park; then again, the stadium really was just about a ten minute walk away, and its bright lights still shone, resplendently, a celebration of football that had occurred before and a celebration of the football that was about to begin.

Trudy had dropped the dress; now dressed in a simple t-shirt and pants, the two walked quietly. Stephen's hands were in his pockets, Trudy keeping a small distance away from him, evidently cautious of making conversation. It was evident he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Penny for your thoughts?"
"I don't know, Trudy."
"I'm sorry I didn't let you know about this earlier. I should've...well, I should've let you know. So you could prepare.
"That would've been nice, yeah. But what led you to yknow, raising the flag of the whole bloody competition itself? The pride of place in the entire competition?"
"About three months ago, from what I'd heard, this lady called Ms. Eyken was tasked with finding people to raise the flags for this ceremony. It was...big. But they couldn't find anyone fitting, anyone that had sufficient gravitas to raise the big one."
"And they somehow chose you?"
"Believe me, I don't know how they got to know my story, either. Evidently news spreads, you know?"
Stephen's mind flashed back to the text he received from his agent.
"Anyway, a few weeks before this, they got in contact. Said they'd heard about my story and how they wanted me to raise the flag, as a symbol of sporting equality. I couldn't say no, Stephen."
Stephen looked up, glanced at Trudy. She seemed genuinely down; but at the same time, who could deny her that? The chance to make a splash on the world stage?
"Mmm. You could've at least told me."
"I wanted to keep it a surprise."
"Not even a hint? Darn."
"I'm...sorry."

The two continued walking in silence for a while.

"What'd they talk to you about, anyway? You certainly seemed...at ease amongst the rich and famous."
"Mostly about my career. And the TFF's resignation. That's made waves throughout the world."
"You never seemed like the kind to be up for this kind of social interaction."
"What can I say? I'm good at acting, I guess. I'm exhausted," she said in a noncommittal way. Stephen wanted to press the issue, know exactly what Trudy was hiding from her, but he decided to let it go. He didn't want to press her too much; and there was no indication she'd been lying, anyway.

The rest of the night was quiet; Trudy walked with Stephen back to his hotel in the middle of Chromia. Even near midnight, it was a bustling city; Trudy advised him to pack for the trip to Deprí Lanar, where they'd be watching the first match of the competition.

---

Deprí Lanar was intimidating and awe-inspiring in equal measure, though there hadn't been much to write home about; the industrial city which made mostly cars had little in the vein of sights and sounds that screamed tourism; they were mostly there for the first match, anyway, a real end-to-end battle as Chromatika did battle with the Quebecois. The hosts came out victors; but that was it.

The second matchday would see them go to a much more tourist-friendly place; Trudy revealed that they'd be heading to Lhor, on the north coast of the country. Renowned for its naval culture and fashion, Trudy promised they'd indulge in both; but Stephen was personally more interested in the former.

A breath of fresh air, too, the town proved to be; Straton, too, faced the sea, but the cold sea air in Lhor proved to be extremely refreshing. Whales dominated the tourist parts of the city; even their local football club had a whale as their motif. It seemed like a lot of people in their mid 20s lived there, too; the atmosphere certainly seemed like the place to be for young people. If Chromia felt like an established giant, Lhor felt like somewhere that had more energy and was going somewhere fast; such was how youth seemed to play on the general vibe the city had.

She'd been right about fashion, too; the streets were filled with boutiques which they'd stopped in. Stephen had bought a nice hat; there was a scarf which had caught his eye, too; long, flowing yet looking equally scratchy; the multiple colours which the scarf seemed to encompass seemed to come straight out of the Imperial Commonwealth of Eastfield Lodge. When he'd asked about the scarf, the shop owner merely smiled; there was a sense the scarf had a lot of history behind it.

The main attraction, though, outside the football — Pasarga versus Banija, 72 vs 86, as it was touted, a match between former world champions — was the whales. They'd both signed up for a whalewatching tour; hopefully they'd be able to see multiple. If Lhor had been cold on land, it was even colder on the sea; even Trudy, who'd been in the country for a year, found herself shivering. Stephen had put his hat on her; though it looked ludicrously oversized it somehow helped warm her.

One, two, three whales began breaching the water; their magnificent grey bodies leaped above it, a graceful move which reminded the two of them how small they were compared to these great beasts of the north. Near the end, a particularly playful one decided to draw close to the boat and perform a tail-slap; sending water onto the deck, drenching both Stephen and Trudy. Both of them began laughing uncontrollably; a whale deciding to go right next to a ship and drenching both of them was somehow inherently funny, even if there hadn't been a punchline.

What wasn't so funny was drying off their outer clothes later; it had gotten so cold that it was more comfortable wearing just their shirts and not the jackets that they'd been so securely wrapped up in. Both of them would shiver as they looked for somewhere warm to dive; in the end, a cafe sufficed. With a knowing look at each other, they ordered a waffle and two iced chocolates.

It had been a good day. No football, nothing; just two friends enjoying each other's company, far away from home.

[Electrum]

The Turnip: Five Interesting Yet Strangely Soothing Facts About Graintfjall
by Billiam Maskey, chief-editor-in-chief

Turnip chombers rejoice! We've chombed our way into the World Cup Proper after our various pleas and appeals worked, and the Electrumite national football team (a.k.a. The Turnips) are now flying to the quaint city of Graintfjall in order to play against Saltsdead for a spot in the coveted World Cup Round of 32. It has been a long and arduous journey, littered with jars of sperm oil and that mysterious tricky bitchy witchy ma'am whom we call Margaret. To help assist you with preparations for this monumental match, we have decided to metaphysically pour cold water over you by giving you five interesting yet strangely soothing facts about Graintfjall.

1. They have cute words for weird but quaint concepts

While everyone and their mum knows Græntfjaller words like hygge, inglenook, chicken tikka masala and forsetafrú, the Græntfjaller language has many interesting words that our language can surely get its grubby little hands on. For example, they have the word 'volsenlöpsfristelorkasaminen' which is a commonly used word when speaking to second language speakers of Græntfjaller as it roughly translates to 'word or concept that is tough to translate'. Meanwhile the word 'úúúúúúúúúúú' literally translates as 'the feeling you get when you pee in the snow and it immediately solidifies due to the cold temperature.' What a calming and soothing word! Finally, there is the word 'gorky' that means something like 'socialist realism is just good praxis', how radical!

2. Its politicians must compete in game shows as they doubles for elections

In a quirky tradition, elections in Græntfjall don't operate within the usual rules that we expect from other nations. Instead of an organised system where parties register with the Electoral Commission, a campaign happens, and then people vote for their favourite candidate, all elections are run by the television networks in a televoting contest. In fact, if you want to be a Græntfjaller politician, you need to get your dancing shoes ready, because each channel runs its own version of 'So You Thing You Can Dance', where politicians have to dance their way to get enough televotes to get elected to the Thing, the Græntfjaller legislature.

3. Everyone had a fun time drawing the World Cup fixtures in Græntfjall

While Electrumites know that we have to face Saltsdead at VG Arena (short for Vtuber Gamer Arena) for a chance to qualify for the World Cup Round of 32, what they don't know is how the tournament was drawn. In short, when the pots were drawn, the Græntfjallers were confused about the process, because the word 'pot' in English has two meanings - it could either mean a vessel, or the devil's cabbage. Because all Græntfjallers learn English from the outdated Græntfjaller-Correct Language Dictionary, where the only definition listed under 'pot' was 'sin spinach', the pots were drawn by having a representative from each of the football federations smoke at random one of the eight varieties of 'cringy kale'. Whichever of the eight they smoked, determined the group and location they would be play in. For example, Alexander Krane of Electrum smoked the 'Molding Peas' variety, which is known for its associations with the letter J, and for tasting like moldy peas.

4. The strange ceremony that Græntfjaller children have to undergo

The Græntfjallers have an unhælthy obsession with the ligaturæ 'æ'. So much so that when primary school children lærn the alphabet, they also have to lærn the letter æ. In fact, they have to write the letter æ down at læst a hundred times, and lærn how to type it out on the computer, as it is an essential skill to know how to write your own country's name. Once children get the gist of knowing how to write and type æ, they are finally rædy to graduate from primary school to secondary school. It's an elaborate ceremony where the tæchers sacrifice a goat in order to get its blood to draw æ, and parents give their children at least a hundred dollars, maybe more, depending on how much blood the goat had to begin with. Epic!

5. The existence of Græntfjall means that there probably is no God

Back in the good old days, some people say that the space eat of the Kytler Peninsula, in Pavola, was actually greyed out, and that such a nation didn't exist there. Then, as sudden as a brain aneurysm, the country of Græntfjall just spontaneously appeared -- in other words -- spontaneous generation. In the context of the God-disproving world, spontaneous generation is the concept of living things arising from non-living things -- after all, there is no need for God if living things can appear out of non-living things. Therefore, QED, the existence of Græntfjall means that there is no Creator. No one person can claim that they created Græntfjall, an entire culture with fascinating rituals and history, it just appeared.

And there you have it, five interesting facts about Græntfjall! We are really tired so we really appreciate all the feedback we receive about this issue, please put all of your feedback into the nearest waste basket and we guarantee we will read it by the time it gets to the inevitable heat death of the universe.

[Squidroidia]

Crunch Time - Hartburg

There was one game left on the Squidroidian schedule for this edition of the Cup of Harmony, and it was the one that every Squidroidian seemingly circled in their calendars. The rematch. Murphtannia versus Squidroidia. The last time these 2 teams met was only a cycle ago in IAC 11, Murphtannia needing a win to have any hope of advancing to the knockouts and Squidroidia needing a win to have a shot at topping the group. As fate would have it, #MURSQR would be again crucial for both teams and their chances to make the Round of 32, and once again Murphtannia needed this win more than Squidroidia.

As the group stood heading into the final matchday, Murphtannia sat with 0 points after losses to Sargossa and Srednjaci. Squidroidia were on 3 points along with the latter, which they beat in Matchday 1 before losing to Saragossa. In all likelyhood, Murphtannia needed to win against Squidroidia by 2 goals and hope Sargossa beat Srednjaci to advance. For Squidroidia, a win would secure them in unless Srednjaci beat Sargossa by a bigger margin than what Squidroidia beat Murphtannia by, and a draw by both teams would mean that a Srednjaci win would put them through no matter what result. If Squidroidia drew with Murphtannia 1-1 and Sargossa drew with Srednjaci 2-2, Squidroidia and Sargossa would go through due to the Inklings and their 2-1 win on Matchday 1. The stakes were high.

That last clash between the 2 outfits was a game that broke the rules of scoring for both teams even during a tournament that saw A Flock of Seagulls beat them 3-2. A 9 goal thriller with plenty of action, lead changes and yes, goals, was on display as Murphtannia were knocked out of the IAC after losing 5-4 to Squidroidia, all but guaranteeing that they advanced to the Round of 16. It came after Manager Murphy whipped them 5-1 in the Twicetagrien Football Invitational too.

Over the course of those previous 2 fixtures, 15 goals were scored, as much as Squidroidia from the start of IFC 2 to the Semi-Finals, which was 5 fixtures. 7.5 goals a game is something that would make mouths water at the sight, almost like an average Farfadillis game. And yet these were 2 opponents who didn't even qualify for the World Cup yet. People were expecting round 3 to be just like the IAC 11 game - An absolute barnburner and instant classic with somebody going home.

Manager Johnson, however, knew that nothing could be repeated forever. For all he knew, this game might be a 1 or 2 goal game. The defensive strategies he had with him meant that Squidroidia hadn't been involved in a game with more than 5 goals since when Mito was in charge for his final game as Squidroidian NT coach when they lost to Omerica 5-3 in the previous Cup of Harmony. You can't have classics forever, it seemed.

But like before the 2nd game between these 2 nations at IAC 11, Johnson knew that he couldn't slip now, and neither would his team. A loss and a Srednjaci win or draw would put them through. Murphtannia could still advance if they pulled out all the right stops. Sargossa could very well be eliminated. But here was now, and now was here. There was no going back at the Hartburg New Park. Manager Murphy was waiting for him. And it was going to be one hell of a match.

[Bollonich]

The Karvian Chronicle

A Tough Loss to Barunia; A draw is all we need

We were confident, confident in our abilities following our great victory over Baggieland. We were coming into the Cup of Harmony with lots of experience following a number of victories and in the match against Baggieland we had shown what we could di, and despite being a pot 4 team we could contest for qualification. We were now up against Barunia a formidable team in their own right as they had beaten hosts and Pot 1 team Græntfjall 4-0. Coming into the game we knew that the match was going to be a challenging one and that defeating Barunia would be immensely hard. Talent and confidence however were things we didn’t lack as Gildiric fielded the same lineup that we saw against Baggieland.
Barunia meanwhile played a 4-3-1-2 with 2 wide midfielders, a defensive midfielder and an attacking one. Their lineup seemed strong and ready to counter the tactics posed by Gildiric however the mastermind that Gildiric is it was expected that he would come out with some counter tactics to counter the Barunian force.
The match begun in an highly unexpected manner as Barunia came out in the beginning all guns blazing scoring right at the 3rd minute. After winning the ball in the Barunian half Bentley played the ball to Moreno who tapped it too Obando. This seemed to be play that would likely lead to nothing as they were just passing in their own half having to go back due to the Bollonischian press. Soon the ball fell to the feet of Brayshaw who took the ball in his stride and started sprinting before passing the ball to Swan as he came face to face with Swanson. Swan played the ball to Carter who after dribbling past a defender took on a shot which was brilliantly saved by Sirigu and came off the post. However luckily for Barunia the ball then fell to the feet of Moorhouse who tapped the ball in comfortably scoring and putting Barunia ahead. The match following this early goal stayed fairly silent till the first half with both teams holding down their ground not allowing any opportunities to the opposition. With the beginning of the second half, Bollonischian strikers had a flurry of chances which were all missed to the disappointment of the Bollonischian supporters at Steinaux, Græntfjall. It was the 67th minute when the ball fell to the feet of Hum, who passed the ball to Rios. Rios after dribbling past Obando made way into the D. He smoothly played it to his right to the feet of Moreno who put in an accurate cross for the head of Perry. The same Perry who had been extremely clinical for the whole season scoring 19 gaols in 27 matches. He was expected to score as the fans looked on, hoping and praying that he does. Græntfjall being a regional neighbour of Bollonich saw a large number of fans visiting as usual and the stadium seemed to have been overflowed with Bollonischian fans. Hence when Perry failed to put in what was probably the easiest chance Bollonich had in the game the atmosphere had gone silent, people were stunned. He had been the player for Bollonich in the WCQ and also the player who got them so far into the Even Frostier Cup. Hence not scoring here was something no one expected and shocked everyone. This would later come back to haunt Bollonich as Barunia managed to score another goal putting the game to bed and securing their qualification. And there it was, our dream start had been destroyed as we still stood at 2nd but with our qualification prospects looking faint.
In the last and final matochday we were to face Græntfjall the hosts themselves at Háttmark where Græntfjall shall be backed by their home fans. However the Bollonischians were not ones to give up and hence would always give their best. To qualify all that we would need to do is draw the game against Græntfjall. Since Bollonich currently have a goal difference of -1 while Græntfjall has -2 which means a draw would send Bollonich through with 4 points.

Domestic Sport : Copa Bollonich confirmed

For what was a huge day in international football for Bollonich we also saw a massive change in the domestic footballing structure of Bollonich, as a cup competition the Copa Bollonich was finally confirmed by the BFF, the first round of which is to begin right after the summer international break. The calls and need for a cup competition through out all the different tiers could be widely seen in domestic football. Following what was an important meet by the board members of the Bollonischian Football Federation who met to discuss the future of Bollonischian football following the great performances in the WCQ. The introduction of a Cup Competition seemed to be something inevitable in the end. What the main question was what format were we gonna go with as Bollonich only has 50 BFF recognised professional clubs. A hugely popular and suggested format was a preliminary round between the 36 bottom seeded teams with the 14 top seeded teams moving onto the Round of 32. This format however was refused and a different format was taken into consideration. The format states that the 20 teams in the third division shall host the 20 teams from the 2nd division in the Preliminary Round. The games shall be played in a seeded manner with the last positioned team in the third division shall host the 1st team from the 2nd division and the seeding follows in this method. Following the Preliminary Round in the 2nd Round 8 teams from the first division play with the exception of the league winner and cup winner. If both the cup winner and league winner are the same team then the cup runner up is the team that doesn’t need to appear in the first round. The 28 teams are again seeded for the fixtures with the matches being hosted by the teams that have a lower seed. Following the conclusion of the first round the Round of 16 begins with the final round of seeding after including the 2 exempted teams. Such a format was chosen as it would allow the fans of lower league teams access to the matches and also give them a chance to perform at home. The matches following the first round will all be held at the John Lennon Football Stadium in a neutral ground.

P.S. Sorry for the huge image

[Sarzonia]

There was a lot of talk about frustration in Sarzonian national football team camp. There was lack of scoring. There was palpable tension between the Sarzonians in Krytenia and the Kryties who looked at the Atlantian Oceania natives with a torrent of emotions bubbling under the veneer of aloof politeness.

For the first half of Sarzonia's 2-0 victory over Atheara, the frustration about lack of scoring continued. It started with a header by striker Jake Campos that beat goalkeeper Mugel Krygorf in the 23rd minute but was disallowed because forward Cayden Aguirre was called offside. It continued with a laser by Aguirre in the 36th minute that banged off the top of the woodwork and right to the boot of defender Alexei Murov, who banged the ball out of danger.

The frustration finally came to an end courtesy of both soon-to-be retiring Stars players. Forward Mek'hi West saw midfielder Brady Reynolds trap an attempted pass from Murov to midfielder Ivan Yesterov-Rukovic and made a move to work his way between the defenders, quickly glancing back at Reynolds and began to launch his run toward the goal.

As if seeing and knowing exactly what West was doing, Reynolds fired a cross anticipating a header from West. The ball sailed into the area perfectly placed for West. He skied, met the ball with his forehead, and slammed the ball past Krygorf. West glanced quickly at both linesman and saw their flags in hand and poised parallel to their right legs. He saw the Græntfjaller referee point his right arm toward the centre circle and took off toward the right corner of the stadium where Navy-clad Sarzonia supporters were cheering. He dove into the grass as Reynolds, team captain Clayton Wilson, Campos and others ran after him and joyously piled on. Would it merit goalofthetournament consideration? Who knows?

The Stars finally found the back of the net in the 69th minute, nicely ending a frustrating scoring drought. It wouldn't end all the missed opportunities as a Holly Cambrio bid to extend the lead caromed off Krygorf's outstretched glove and past the end line five minutes later. The defence stiffened, and Charlie King was instrumental in denying an Athearan bid to equalize in the 82nd minute.

Finally, though, Reynolds himself took advantage of the attention being paid to West by the defence as he chest-trapped a Wilson cross that lofted a bit too high for West. Reynolds then volleyed the ball just over the leaping Krygorf to give the Stars breathing room in the third minute of stoppage time.

A few seconds of a desperate last ditch effort to counterattack later, the final whistle sounded. Sarzonia earned its first victory in the Nathan Hanifer era as interim manager. Coupled with Reçueçn defeating Xanneria 4-3, it set up the final match for the Stars as potentially being a battle for the Group B crown.

A draw would guarantee both teams a spot in the Round of 32 and a group title for Sarzonia, but Hanifer shrugged off any notion of settling for a draw.

"That's not how we do things in Sarzonia," he said. "We want the full three [points for a victory], and one won't be good enough."

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier

While his homeland were defeated at Peak'n'Break Stadium in Grande Mountain, Moonbeam Infantino's globetrotting excursions may have seen him pass through Zwischen. "Yeah, there was this one guy in the tour group who kept rambling on about the diverse opportunities that football brings to the world," said local tour guide Leslie Callahan. "And his accent kind of reminded me of McDonagh." Kirk McDonagh, the former manager of Ephesian FC, recently stepped down from that position to take over the Pasarga Wanderers. They have won their first two games in World Cup 88 proper, and clinched a knockout berth with a game to spare.

Callahan noted that "Most foreigners, when they hear about Ephesian, tend to be like 'are you sure that's a good idea' or 'I don't even think that's legal.' This guy was babbling about 'your nuanced interpretation of Law 3.1 is really punk, bro'. Which is a nice change of pace, but still!" (Ephesian's attacking-minded 3-2-1-2-3 formation harkens back to the early days of the national team, with all the pros and cons you might expect.)

"You never know what's gonna happen when we go by the Ziggurat," Callahan said, referring to the large structure that was originally the center of government affairs and now has more historic value. "Some visitors will be really into it when you tell them about absurd events involving former football players and managers behaving like idiots, some people will consider it implausible and judge your nation accordingly. This guy summarized the anniversary incident as 'kinda harsh' and 'a real downer,' which is honestly as good a summary as any, although it doesn't really say much about his citizenship."

"There are definitely foreigners who get tired of walking several blocks in and ask why we can't take a car or something, which is an entire conversation in itself," Callahan added darkly. "But whoever it was had a lot of endurance, although he would occasionally go on tangents about new innovations in green airplane technology which were kind of mind-numbing."

Of course, the real mark of one's personality is how one responds to the availabilty of breakfast food, and in that regard the visitor was clear. "He kept wolfing down the Peak'n'Break muffins," said Callahan. "At first muttering something about 'promoting circadian wellness' and then 'highly motivational even if marginally fattening' and by the end I couldn't really make anything out over all the chewing."

Meanwhile, in the Cup of Harmony, Jaclyn Burkhart and Johan Idmar's goals saw Zwangzug past Sharktail. They face Garbelia, who have already qualified, on Matchday Three. A win would see Zwangzug advance, to face off against one of the sides from Group F, which...on second thought never mind about Group F.

[Flavovespia]

Ethane too hot to handle for Flavovespia

Ethane 1 - 0 Flavovespia

Flavovespia’s optimism and ambitions took a hit in a narrow loss against Ethane. The game was a close one, but in the end Ethane ran out victors, to give themselves a great chance of progressing to the Round of 32, potentially as group winners.

It was a slightly cooler but still warm day in Bradwell, for Flavovespia’s second group game of the Cup of Harmony. Ethane were the opponents of Flavovespia, decked out in their maroon and orange kits. Flavovespia named an unchanged starting 11, as they lined up in their yellow shirts with black shorts and socks.

This was a game where early on, goalkeepers and defences ruled over attack. Plenty of crosses were plucked out of the air with ease by the respective goalkeepers, or headed away with firm contact on the ball by a defender. The closest either side came to scoring in the opening half-hour was 27 minutes in. A Steven Hall whipped cross was met by Scott Coleman who’d cleared his marker, only to then send the header flying over the bar by a good few metres.

Ethane’s play in the first half seemed to be almost there, but just lacking that one killer moment to get a goal. They thought they had it in the 40th minute. From 40 metres out, a great through ball saw Scott Burgess dash through, and fire low and hard, well beyond Aarif Muhammad and into the net. But the flag was then raised, and despite the protests by Burgess, video referee confirmed the decision of the linesman. It would be 0-0 at half-time, neither side quite at their best, but very much showing signs of grabbing a goal or more.

The 57th minute saw the deadlock broken. Scott Burgess received the ball from Josh Montoya about 30 or so metres out, and a turn of pace saw him get away from Daniel Lansdell to be able to shoot. Aarif Muhammad got down low to block the first shot with his leg, but the rebound fell into the path of Kyle Ford. Ford placed his shot, beyond the outstretched leg of Tony Gardner sliding in vain, and into the net. 1-0 for Ethane, they were the side to finally take a chance.

Flavovespia had half an hour to try and take a point or three out of this game. But in the following minutes, it was Ethane who nearly doubled. A Josh Montoya ball into the box caused confusing amongst those in yellow shirts. Burgess fired hard at goal, but should’ve gone for placement, his shot was straight at Aarif Muhammad. Flavovespia meanwhile, were struggling in the attacking third, Ethane were getting more bodies back, to defend a slender lead. Of the front 4, only Hall seemed to be getting any success, forcing a few blocks and saves.

Flavovespia’s closest effort came in the dying minutes. A free-kick into the box was pinged around by both sides, before Alexander May went for goal. But for a timely block by an outstretched leg sending the ball onto the post and to safety, it would’ve been 1-1. Agonisingly close for May, and the frustration on his face was clear to see. Ethane survived that scare, and saw out the rest of the game more comfortably.

In an Isles matchup, Pluvia and the Saxean Isles won 2-3 over The Gothanita Isles. Flavovespia’s destiny is practically in their own hands. Win by 2 goals, and Flavovespia are through. A 1 goal win would seal the deal, unless Pluvia and the Saxean Isles take a 1 goal win over Ethane, at which point a coin-toss determines the situation. For the players, the mentality will be to just win and get the job done. Marcus McCormick’s next match could absolutely make or break his legacy as Flavovespia manager. And he has some big questions about team selection, who starts in defence, and crucially based on the form of the first two games, who starts in attack?

Punk

Lucky Diamond

If anyone could definite “punk” in Flavovespian football terms, it’s the goalkeeper Lucky Diamond. Born Lucas Kevin Diamond, he gained the nickname from a combination of his name, and for his tendency to avoid conceding despite taking big risks in goal. Lucky Diamond is no stranger to personal controversy, and he’s considered a controversial player, some love his unconventional style on and off the pitch, other hate him and think he treats the game as a joke. What can’t be denied, is some of the crazy incidents he’s been involved in. Here’s some of them

23AU (youth career) – He isn’t offered a youth team contract at home side Havermilly, and becomes a youth free agent. Whilst nobody truly knows why Havermilly rejected him, his tendency to tray from goal, and alleged bad behaviour are claimed reasons. Controversially signs for neighbours and rivals Guildwell Football. Causes further anger by describing Havermilly as "a ****hole” on social media network Buzz.

24AU – 26AU (Guildwell Football) – Makes the Guildwell Football roster as second choice goalkeeper. Keeps clean sheet in Flavovespia Gold Cup and senior debut against Caffchin. Makes league debut in penultimate game against Hopford. Diamond keeps a clean sheet in a 0-2 win that relegates Hopford. However debut is somewhat marred for partially causing a fracas after a strong but fair challenge outside the box with Hopford striker James Conway. Then fined post-match, after holding up middle fingers and then pointing them down in front of the crowd after they boo him off the pitch. In 25AU, Diamond becomes locally infamous for a wild 18th party, with thousands of pounds of damage caused and multiple guests arrested. Nevertheless, Guildwell Football snatch a first ever promotion to the top flight, on the final game of the season. However, the debut for Guildwell Football and Lucky Diamond in the Super League is a terrible 5-0 defeat at Butterfield Rovers. Diamond is then fined by the FFA for swearing multiple times on live TV when asked to describe the result. Later on in the season, receives a second fine after an online spat on Buzz with fellow outspoken Flavovespian footballer, now retired Roberto Goncalves, after Diamond fouled Goncalves and Scott Coleman in their match. Despite Guildwell Football’s relegation, Lucky Diamond stays in the Super League, signing for South Maishop.

27AU-28AU (South Maishop) – Lucky Diamond receives many plaudits for a good season in goal, winning the Player of the Season award for South Maishop, and seen as the best young keeper in the Super League. Causes plenty of raised eyebrows when he turns up to the club’s annual dinner in South Maishop in a full leather suit, and raises even more eyebrows with his huge volume of alcohol consumed, and a barely comprehensible award speech. After his first international call up, he dyes ponytail yellow with black streaks in celebration. The haircut was described as “absolutely absurd” by ICTV Sports commentator Ian Hunt. Diamond fired back on Buzz, calling Hunt a “miserable, baling old git”. (A sentiment plenty didn’t exactly disagree with). Diamond was a popular figure at South Maishop, and kept off-field behaviour relatively restrained.

29AU – present (Loxthorpe Rovers) - Joins Loxthorpe Rovers, as one of the signings made by manager Carter Cromwell who comes into the club. Turns up at his first press conference with green and white streaks dyed into his hair, and a green velvet suit. In 30AU, causes drama after a 5-1 derby loss to Langmere Green Rovers. After several home fans mock him with a “middle fingers down” gesture, he storms towards the crowd post-game, with Nick Bracken and a steward forced to hold him back from a confrontation. Diamond works his way towards the top of the pundits ratings for goalkeepers in the Super League, although is also known on the pitch for taking the most risks as a goalkeeper. Off the pitch, it becomes a running joke to try and predict what he’ll wear to any interview or event. On Buzz, has got into spats with a number of figures, including former international and Langmere Green Rovers player Henrik Jensen, ex-Havermilly manager Colin Hewitt, who didn’t offer him a pro contract, and populist right-wing politician Lazaro Gremano. Diamond’s chaotic, mayhem-inducing, punk style over the years may not be to everybody’s tastes, but football would certainly be less lively without characters like Diamond. Will he ever increase his tally of caps above 1? Only time will tell.