Cup of Harmony 79: Everything Thread

[Kohnhead]

Kohnhead are drawn into Group E for the Cup of Harmony

Unlike the other two Cups of Harmony Kohnhead has been involved with, Cup of Harmony 79 hosted by Northwest Kalactin and Cassadaigua will feature quite a small group stage meaning that unlike the six matches we had to play last time in the Group stage, every game matters more than ever. Dropping points against the pot 4 team in your group could prove to be fatal with the top two teams advancing to the round of 32. While Kohnhead has made the knockouts both times, this time we are a pot 2 team and should be expected to reach the round of 32 and many are hoping for us to go further than that.

The Brains are coming into this tournament with the Unofficial World Champions Belt and having won four out of five of their final matches in qualifiers with the only drop coming against pot 1 team Eura in which we got a 0-0 draw recording our first ever points against a pot 1 team. No changes have been made to the squad although Michael White has confirmed that Al Torgan will continue to receive the starting job in the right midfield position after beating out Ida Cogginter for the job during qualifiers.

Obviously the biggest question will be if we can keep our belt and unless we win the tournament or get eliminated in the group stage while not losing we will most likely not retain the belt, how long can we keep it? In addition we hope to maintain the momentum and form that got us 4th in the Group Stage with the new 4-4-2 formation doing well and leading to great success from both Aaron Korkson and Erin Maltos who rebounded from a poor cycle last time out.

Let's take a look at our Group and see how we stack up compared to the other nations drawn into it.

Pot 1: Eura (12)
The team we take on for our first match is probably the worst team to draw in the entire tournament especially for Kohnhead. Earlier this year during qualifying Eura whooped us 4-0 at Chicken King Stadium before we survived a 0-0 draw with them to gain a point and keep the belt. Both of those matches were actually belt matches and so the first matchday will mark the third belt match between us this cycle. Obviously no team will have a home field advantage as we travel to Northwest Kalactin for this one but I think we showed home field advantage doesn't matter losing 4-0 at home when we played them.

By rank Eura are the best team to be playing in the Cup of Harmony following just an awful qualifying cycle that saw them get eliminated before the final matchday in part because of how well pot 6 Savigliane did to win the Group and earn their place in the World Cup Proper. While the other two teams in the Group have played Kohnhead a combined once, we just saw Eura twice and much like Geektopia last cycle will have to take that into consideration for gameplan purposes. Overall I don't think we can beat a Eura squad ranked 12th in the World with a new manager and one that will certainly be motivated following their awful performance.

Pot 2: Kohnhead (65)
That's us

Pot 3: Hapilopper (116)
Hapilopper actually come in as the worst team from pot 3 which makes this a very good draw for us with them being ranked down at 116. However the Haps certainly have talent and given the short nature of the Group Stage could look to very easily spoil Kohnhead's hopes of advancement. If we lose to Eura, our second match against Hapilopper will probably determine everything and a loss to them would be completely devastating. While I think we can beat a team that finished a distant 5th in their group this will be a match of vital importance to the Kohnhead advancement effort.

Pot 4: Baggieland (119)
If anyone remembers a few years ago at this point back in our Baptism of Fire we were actually in the same Group as Baggieland who came in 5th place of one of the best Baptism of Fire Groups in history that also contained Tequilo, World Cup qualifiers South Newlandia, Havynwilde, and Twicetagria. The only time we ever played The Throstles, Linus Rallyton scored the only goal in a 1-0 win in the second match of the Baptism of Fire. Now Baggieland are the second best team in pot 4 making them a poor draw for us coming in at rank 119 following a let down very far 6th place at 19 points in Group 9.


Overall I think Kohnhead can come in second of this group but the opening match against Eura will be a true test for us and it will be the first ever Cup of Harmony that we have competed where we will not open with New Lusitania and won't play them in the Group Stage (we shall see about the knockouts).

[Netop]

Netop are actually in the Cup of Harmony this time

Last cycle Netop were not invited to the somewhat exclusive Cup of Harmony despite a very good Baptism of Fire although it was the so-so performance in World Cup qualifying that was the reason. However following an extremely good, while overachieving by a ton cycle where we finished 3rd and could have won the group on the final matchday Netop have received an invite this time around. Captain Riggs and the squad will be flying out to Cassadaigua to compete in the 79th Cup of Harmony as a pot three team in a single round robin 4 team group stage.

Netop flew up the rankings following qualifiers jumping from being ranked 133rd to being ranked 96th just like that and a good Cup of Harmony could send us up the ranks more and into pot 4 territory for the next qualifying cycle. Teddy Riggs who was once unsure if he could wear the captain's patch at all has led this team as our main goal scorer and captain and while the 34 year old isn't the most skilled he is certainly one of my favorite players on the team.

Surprisingly the closest to qualifying in our group is actually the pot 4 team in San Ortelio who despite being an unranked made it all the way to the playoffs before losing twice to Baker Park to prevent them from reaching the World Cup as an unranked. Judging by rank they should come in last of the group however we know rank does not tell all and thus San Ortelio is a feared oppoenent in the eyes of Netopians. I would argue they are the worst pot 4 team to draw as not only are they the highest ranked in the pot they just made the freaking playoffs on 34 points.

Netop despite our 3rd place finish in the group actually come in last in terms of points scored during the qualifiers with a "measly" 32. The pot two side Jeruselem finished with 33 points just like the pot 1 side in Xanneria although both came in 4th of their groups. Jeruselem are ranked 57th in the World and aren't an awful draw although it definitely could have been better. Xanneria as a pot 1 side is beatable in my opinion being only ranked 45th and are probably the best draw in the group which speaks to the quality of the group.

I think despite Netop's great run at the qualifiers we fail to find success here in Cassadaigua, San Ortelio are much better than their rank indicates and Jeruselem and Xanneria definitely have the talent to beat us by a decent amount. I'm actually predicting Netop to finish last in the group although I'm confident we will manage to pick up at least a point from three matches. Our first match taking place in Concord Heights sees us do battle with pot 1 side Xanneria and a win could send a message to ourselves and the rest of our group that Netop are to be taken seriously.

[Saint-Domingues]

Group 5 in review

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Saint-Domingue's qualifying run is over, they will not be making their World Cup bow in Ethane & Taeshan. However, things are not all doom and gloom, with an impressive 4th-place finish and many memorable matches along the way. Here we look back on the matches that have taken us this far and on to the Cup of Harmony:

Game 1 - Saint-Domingue 3-1 Koniglich Wasserstein
Despite the reputation for being slow starters, Camilo Canisbro and his Dominguan team began their qualification campaign in good form. Goals from star men Julien Babesco and Josep Carpeña, plus a strike from youngster Nico Pozo and some heroics in goal from Jules Binet gave Saint-Domingue a fine opening-day win over a fellow World Cup debutant.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 2 - Hafamarimet 0-3 Saint-Domingue
A second game, and a second win. The Avengers won on the road against [REDACTED]'s Hafamarimet, who looked in a very sorry state. It was an easy win for Saint-Domingue who were 2-0 up at half-time courtesy of Babesco's brace and already looked out of sight. Maxence Vignon scored his first international goal to add gloss to the scoreline of a fine win.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 3 - Saint-Domingue 2-1 Sharktail
A good start turned into an excellent start as Saint-Domingue won all three of their opening fixtures. The fixture against Sharktail was the toughest challenge for the Avengers so far, and they narrowly progressed after an unlucky own-goal. Nine points from nine had the fans dreaming of a good placing.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 4 - Ancherion 5–4 Saint-Domingue
The first Dominguan setback, a frenetic game that went one way and then the other, nine goals shared and some controversial decisions, most of all involving Alfredo Cotilla. The defender was left incensed at a penalty decision which RTD remain convinced was a foul committed outside the area. The penalty negated an early Dominguan lead and Ancherion never looked back, whilst Cotilla garnered a red card.
Position in table: 3rd

Game 5 - Saint-Domingue 3-0 Zwangzug
One of the famous Dominguan wins.

There is little else to say. It was a magnificent, glorious, logic-defying win. A true upset as 269th-ranked Saint-Domingue thrashed 15th-ranked Zwangzug by three goals to nil and did so in style. Pozo. Babesco. Tanguy Lacourse. The heroes of the night who have surely written themselves into our footballing history.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 6 - Savojarna 1-0 Saint-Domingue
A tough fixture and a hard battle, though ultimately a disappointing result. Carlos Sanabria went to war with the Savojar captain Victoria Maersk in the middle, with the latter earning a red card late on. This was an ecouraging performance which showed that the win against Zwangzug was not a one-off and that the Avengers could go toe-to-toe with the big boys. For Savojarna, this was the moment they pulled away and raced to qualification. The win ensured that they went 4 points ahead of Saint-Domingue in second, and six ahead of any other challengers. They would never relinquish top spot.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 7 - Saint-Domingue 3-4 Netop
The worst 45 minutes of qualifying?

There aren't enough words in the dictionary for how poor Saint-Domingue were in the opening period. They were abysmal. Horrific. Wasteful. Error-strewn. Hapless. Terrible. Incompetent. Not good enough. Canisbro went ballistic on the sidelines.

There was a rally in the second-half thanks to some goals from Carpeña, Cotilla and Diego Palacio but it was too little, too late as Saint-Domingue lost their second place to the victorious Friends.
Position in table: 3rd

Game 8 - Saint-Domingue 3-3 Abanhfleft
Another hard-fought game against tough opposition, and finally one which brought some more points on the board. A brace from Fleftic winger Arthur MacAlistair looked to have to put his team out of sight with a healthy 3-1 lead until nine minutes from time, but a first goal for wonderkid Fabian Delannoy and then a dramatic, injury-time equaliser by Raoul Gimenez earned the Avengers a point. Though the fightback was encouraging, Saint-Domingue did slip to 4th in the table. The draw against Abanhfleft was the culmination of a poor run of just one win in five games, with a return of four points. If Saint-Domingue were to keep up in the race for the playoffs, they needed to up their game.
Position in table: 4th

Game 9 - Charistan 2-3 Saint-Domingue
Finally, back to winning ways.

A poor run of just one victory in five matches was over as Saint-Domingue triumphed away in Billboard. It was a topsy-turvy, exciting five-goal game with both sides leading and getting pegged back at separate points, before Raoul Gimenez scored the winner with eighteen minutes to go. A series of results going their way almost meant the Avengers were back up to the dizzying heights of second place.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 10 - Koniglich Wasserstein 0-2 Saint-Domingue
Gimenez scored again and Babesco netted a penalty as Saint-Domingue won their second consecutive game on the road. Canisbro was overjoyed with the clean sheet as Saint-Domingue looked to return to their solid foundations, putting an end to a run of conceding fifteen goals across six games.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 11 - Saint-Domingue 2-0 Hafamarimet
A bizarre goal for Alfredo Cotilla within the first minute of the match meant that Saint-Domingue truly eased to victory over luckless Hafamarimet. Nico Pozo added to the scoreline which at times felt like a sterile exhibition match considering the lack of drive and desire from their opponents. The ease in which Saint-Domingue had batted away a minnow gave them the look of a top side and had fans dreaming of a play-off place. Eleven games down and Saint-Domingue were still 2nd, with a three point buffer on Abanhfleft in 3rd - they couldn't, could they?
Position in table: 2nd

Game 12 - Sharktail 1-0 Saint-Domingue
The game where things slipped away.

Saint-Domingue were still riding high and in good spirits, but had a very difficult test to face in Kota Lama, where they were unfortunately undone by a very late goal. A strike by the substitute Win Aziz earned all three points for Sharktail with just two minutes to go in a game frustratingly light on chances. For all their bluster the Avengers struggled to create and came away with nothing.
Position in table: 2nd

Game 13 - Saint-Domingue 0-0 Ancherion
Ancherion were heavily reliant on their goalkeeper Clyde Zenin for the point, with their man between the sticks having to make save after save to keep the Dominguans out. But the goalless draw ensured that Saint-Domingue lost further ground in the qualification race with 2nd place slipping through their fingers. A return of just one point from the two games against Ancherion, particularly considering the chances had and decisions that went against the Avengers over the two fixtures constitute a real 'what if?' when one looks back at the race.
Position in table: 3rd

Game 14 - Zwangzug 1-0 Saint-Domingue
Saint-Domingue failed to score for the third consecutive game as their qualification run truly unravelled. An impressive Zwangzug turnaround was in parts the reason that Saint-Domingue missed out, with the new head coach Kate DiMarini winning 11 points from her 6 games up to this point, ultimately leading the team to 2nd and qualification via the play-offs.
Position in table: 5th

Game 15 - Saint-Domingue 2-2 Savojarna
The leaders came to town and they were in store for a tough battle. The Savojars twice took the lead but Saint-Domingue forced themselves onto level terms both times with well-taken goals from Carpeña and Babesco. On the face of it a solid point against a very skilled opposition, but unfortunately it was not enough to give the qualification push any new life and the Avengers still lingered in 5th.
Position in table: 5th

Match 16 - Netop 3-1 Saint-Domingue
Saint-Domingue were effectively eliminated by Netop in their penultimate away game, and given a footballing lesson at that. The Avengers were comprehensively outplayed and well beaten by the Friends, who eased past their opponents to keep their own play-off challenge alive.
Position in table: 5th

Match 17 - Abanhfleft 0–1 Saint-Domingue
With Saint-Domingue all but out, it was pride that Canisbro and his team were playing for. And oh did they win some on this night. It was a defensive masterclass from the Dominguan head coach and his backline, who held firm to deny Abanhfleft opportunities (plus a wonderful Binet save from the spot) before Babesco capped off an excellently worked counter-attack to give the country one of their best ever away days.
Position in table: 4th

Game 18 - Saint-Domingue 3-0 Chartistan
After the high-tension win in Mezaladbyi, the final game to round off qualifying against Charitstan was practically a procession. It was a heavily rotated lineup that offered Bruno Mastache a second cap with goals from Jeune, Palacio, and Pozo providing the goals for a sweet Avengers sign-off that celebrated the successes of the campaign.
Final position in table: 4th

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Lineups:
Mastache
Sauvage
Boleyn
Le Guen
Ahearn
Charbonneau
Lacourse
Delannoy
Keller <- Vignon 45'
Jeune <- Sanabria 86'
Palacio <- Pozo 76

Saint-Domingue: Jeune (6'), Palacio (24'), Pozo (84')
Chartistan: N/A
Venue: Saint Dominic's Park

• Babesco - 11
• Gimenez - 4
• Pozo - 4
• Carpeña - 3
• Jeune - 3
• Cotilla - 2
• Palacio - 2
• Delannoy - 1
• Lacourse - 1
• Le Guen - 1
• Vignon - 1

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

Three Things
Salwan Mynhier

Well here we are in the lawless place that is Northwest Kalactin. As I write, my hired bodyguards are standing behind me with assault rifles to ensure no enterprising local decides to help themself to my laptop. The draw for Cup of Harmony 79 took place last night, and now it's time to sit down and go through the groups one by one to see who's screwed and who's on easy street. Wait, there are how many groups? Ok new plan, no one at home cares about any group except our own, so forget the rest of them.

Group G
Krytenia (37)
Squornshelan Remnant States (75)
Transvolcanic (108)
Lorrana (170)

1. Welcome to Northwest Kalactin
   It's a radically different place from back home, both by form of government (or lack thereof) and by climate. It's nice to get some insight on a place like this from someone who's been there before. Accordingly, I sat down for a brief conversation with former Syneca and current Kempsey United midfielder Pylna Yarrow. Yarrow and fellow Confederate Aldir Pahlke, formerly of Viltvodle City and Arkintoofle United both headed to Kempsey two seasons ago on fairly modest transfer fees, but have enjoyed a certain degree of success. Both made the NKSL team of the season in their first cycle after finishing fourth. They improved on that the following season, finishing third, though Yarrow missed out on end of season honors that time.
   The first thing to know about Northwest Kalactin, she explained, is that thinking of it as a pure anarchy gives a very skewed picture of what life there is actually like. "If you're picturing some kind of free-for-all where anything goes and people act more like beasts, go ahead and put that right out of your head. There are laws, there is a government, it's just very minimal compared to what most people are used to." There was definitely a fair degree of culture shock though. "When I first got here, it took a long time to get used to how things work. And sure, there's people who take advantage, but is that really so different from anywhere else? Maybe you have to be a little more careful about certain things here, but it doesn't take that long to make the adjustment." Personally, I have doubts about a 'system' of government like this working for anyone but the rich and powerful, but Yarrow certainly seems convinced. Perhaps some of those enterprising Confederates who will make the trip here will find it to their liking as well.
   
   
2. Group Of Life?
   Group G is, by a significant margin, the weakest group in the tournament, with an average rank of 97.5 compared with an overall average for the tournament as a whole of 82.9225. The teams of Group G have an average of 11.04 KPB ranking points, over two full points lower than the tournament average of 13.2425. Yeah that's right, I used six sig figs there, what are you gonna do about it? Honestly, I can't help but think of the last time the Black-and-Reds were drawn into a Group G. That's right folks, it's Group Garbo the Second. Let's take a look around at the wretched unfortunates who join us here for this most inauspicious sequel.
   This group will feature two pairs of teams who shared qualifying groups. Krytenia, of course, were a part of Group 7 with our own Black-and-Reds. The Dragons, despite being second seed, finished just one point and one position ahead of us in fourth. The teams traded a pair of one-goal home victories, though if considered as a two-legged tie, Krytenia would just edge us on away goals. The other two teams in the group are Lorrana and Transvolcanic, both of whom competed in qualifying Group 12, with Transvolcanic finishing fourth with 28 points, and Lorrana eighth with 17. On paper, this has to look like a walkover for Krytenia. Then again, even if Krytenia could play the game on paper they could probably still find a way to snap the lead off their pencil and finish third. The question to be answered (not here, out on the pitch I mean) is which Krytenia team we will see. The return of the form of one cycle ago could see them go on another deep run toward a second straight CoH title, or at least another glorious semifinal defeat. Continuation of their form from qualifying though, could see them exit far earlier. Yeah, I know I'm one to talk about bad form late in qualifying.
   In any case, we open up by facing Krytenia, so there's no time for a slow start or any adjustments. This team either hits the ground running, or puts themselves immediately behind the eight ball.
   
   
3. Managing this team is like fixing Bubbly Wallpaper
   Mid-qualifying, the attack disappeared. A few matchdays later it was revived, but the defense suffered complete breakdowns in crucial matches against Farfadillis and Gyatso-kai. Putting up 7 against West Zirconia, 4 against Bongo Johnson, and 6 against Southeast New Britain was certainly fun, but the counterattacks coming the other way did nothing good for the stress levels of the supporters, or Stovar Krieven for that matter. "Obviously we're not pleased at all with our effort or our result against Gyatso-kai," Anne-Sophie Groothuis conceded in post-draw comments made to the Brantid Times, "and while all the goals in the last two matches definitely look nice on the statline, there are some underlying issues that remain for us to address. Better opposition could have exploited them to give us some serious trouble." Part of the issue through qualifying seemed to be a lack of stability in the lineup. With players shifting in and out, and the precise roles of many uncertain, chemistry seemed off at times. Hopefully, Groothuis has settled on a set first team by now, as more uncertainty as to who is first choice at the full back positions, and in midfield won't do anyone any good at this point.

So, just as we wondered earlier which Krytenia team would show up for the Cup of Harmony, we also have to wonder which Black-and-Reds will appear. The team that was held scoreless for three matches mid-qualifying? The one that dominated several matches down the stretch, but couldn't close out clean sheets, and got bodied by a couple competent attacks? Or the one from early on that kept matches close, but found a way to win more often than not? As I've said before, if I knew that, I'd be at the casino. Let's watch football.


CoH Schedule and Results:

MD1: SRS v KRY
MD2: LRN v SRS
MD3: SRS v TRV

SRS Qualifying Schedule and Results:

MD1  SWE 1-2 SRS @ First Coast Stadium (cap. 33,000), Auberlin, SWE
MD2  SRS 2-1 KRY @ Megabrantid Financial Field (cap. 69,245), Brantisvogan, Megabrantis, SRS
MD3  PFA 3-2 SRS @ Libira National Stadium (cap. 68,000), Fiskadaha City, PFA
MD4  SRS 1-0 CAR @ New Rudlit Arena (cap. 31,200), Rudlit, West Flania, SRS
MD5  WZA 2-3 SRS @ Edge Hill, Bradley, WZA
MD6  SRS 1-2 FFD @ Bridger Lane (cap. 72,406), Damogran, Algolia, SRS
MD7  GKI 2-3 SRS @ Stadia Capital (cap. 78,050), Beijing, Jing, GKI
MD8  SRS 2-0 BGJ @ Synesoft Arena (cap. 38,600), Syneca, Sivoliva, SRS
MD9  SNB 0-0 SRS @ [redacted]
MD10 SRS 0-1 SWE @ Reinallt Arena (cap. 41,230), Golgafrincham, Megabrantis, SRS
MD11 KRY 1-0 SRS @ Oxley Park, Emberton, KRY
MD12 SRS 2-2 PFA @ Slavnarzeczpospolitastadion (cap. 61,230), Lublova, Molvania, SRS
MD13 CAR 2-3 SRS @ [redacted]
MD14 SRS 7-1 WZA @ Olympiastad (cap. 47,550), Arkintoofle, Megabrantis, SRS
MD15 FFD 5-1 SRS @ [not sure, everything was on fire]
MD16 SRS 1-3 GKI @ Castle Street (cap. 57,300), Jaglan, Algolia, SRS
MD17 BGJ 1-4 SRS @ [redacted]
MD18 SRS 6-1 SNB @ Ralph Wilson Memorial Stadium (cap. 48,700), Han Dold City, Han Dold, SRS

[Murphtannia]

A disappointing qualifying campaign, CoH a fresh start?


Well if you've been living under a rock recently, or are new to Murphtannia, we didn't do as well as hoped in the World Cup Qualifying. Finishing in 7th, a place below last season, many few this as a step back, however it's important to remember how the team progressed. We saw the rise of Alex Saunders and Elliott, who hopefully will continue their impressive form into this CoH campaign.

Speaking of the CoH, Murphtannia were lucky enough to get an invite, and for the second season in a row, although Murphtannian fans will not rush to remember us crashing out of the competition at the group stages. Nevertheless this is a second chance, a chance for Murphy's team to prove their worth, and maybe, just maybe, a chance to earn some silverware to add to the trophy cabinet.

Murphtannia find themselves the lowest rank in Group H, and with our first game being against Juvencus the team should be expecting a challenge, but if we can grab all 3 points there then perhaps that could push us on to further cup upsets, as Murphtannia have done so often in in the previous World Cup's, and even in the last CoH when we beat the eventual winners 3-1. Still no matter wether we win the group or finish last, the fans will be with the team all the way, and the team should know, they have the backing of the FA and the people.

Susan Beckka - the Murphtannian times.

[Gyatso-kai]

An ASPN Production, Brought to you on ASPN.co.gki

Brattleboro, CASSADAIGUA – Diep Trang Kim Duc

Group O - CDG

MD 1 vs Balqia₁₂₅
MD 2 at Reçueçn₁₇
MD 3 vs Electrum₅₅

Regulation Win
OT / SO Win
OT / SO Loss
Regulation Loss

Having arrived with the Men’s National Team yesterday here in Brattleboro, just a stone’s through from the 85,000-seat Five Star Mobile Stadium, I am not sure if I am more nervous for this tournament or if it is the team which is nervous.

And what do they have to be nervous about?

In receiving an invitation to the Cup of Harmony for the fourth time in our nation’s history – and only the second time since The Silence – the Bisons are set to make history one way or another. On one hand, the Bisons are on a four-game winning streak, and hope to carry the momentum from the World Cup Qualifying into Cassadaigua in the Cup of Harmony. On the other hand, even if the Bisons are completely swept in the Cup of Harmony, they will have finished off one of the most successful campaigns in the Post-Silence Era. With so much pressure on Head Coach Kad’e Tay’haai to deliver before his contract expires and negotiations on an extension commence, he and the National Sports Council seemed to finally made a smart decision in the hiring of National ice Hockey Head Coach Ishii Hakoda as a “consultant” for the World Cup run, as well as bring him on for the shortened Cup of Harmony sprint.

Have to wonder if there is any magic left in his armor suit…

Looking to the actual tournament, it is hard to say whether or not where the Bisons look to be in the group.

As announced, we are in Group O, which is hosted in Cassadaigua; an absolute powerhouse in the sports multi-verse located in south-central Rushmore, Cassadaigua has a myriad of sporting events they have successfully hosted as well as an impressive cabinet of hardware to show their success off in. In our group – which given the size of the tournament, is only three other nations – we have mostly unknown nations to Gyatso-kai:

• Balqia₁₂₅ – Never Played Before
• Reçueçn₁₇ – Never Played Before
• Electrum₅₅ – Never Played Before

In a tournament with essentially-all-new opponents, it is a chance for the Bisons to show the multi-verse just how strong a team we are, against those nations with which we have no history.

◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ MATCHDAY ONE ► ► ► ►
10 February in Brattleboro, CDG
At the Five Star Mobile Stadium (Capacity 85,000)
VS Balqia₁₂₅
Style: +/- 0.0 (4-4-2 Formation)
WC 87 Record: 4-5-9, 17 pts, 7th in Group 17

The first team we faced had a rough World Cup Qualifying attempt. Coming out of a group dominated by Vilitia of Atlantian Oceania Fame and Tikariot of Rushmore, it was a surprise for many to see such a team come out of the Qualifying with a Harmony Invitational ticket in hand; amassing a 0.222 win percentage does not bode well for a team to face stronger opponents with success.

Expect the Bisons to start off the tournament continuing their victory streak from back in World Cup 87 and building solid momentum before their next match. The Bisons will be wearing the First Kit of Red and Gold for this match.

◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ MATCHDAY TWO ► ► ► ►
12 February in Winchester, CDG
At the Winchester City Lottery Stadium (Capacity: 59,000)
ATReçueçn₁₇
Style: - π (4-3-3 Formation)
WC 87 Record: 12-3-3, 2nd Place, Group 1 (Knocked Out in Playoffs)

Arguably one of the best teams in the Cup of Harmony, Reçueçn is poised to make a revenge stroke on the tournament; having been knocked out in the Playoff Rounds right before the World Cup Proper certainly left a bitter taste in many of the players on the team known as “ les licornes” in their native language. They will certainly be the team to beat, and should the Bisons find their way past a team which only allowed sixteen goals against themselves all tournament, it will likely be a cause of great celebration!

◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ MATCHDAY THREE ► ► ► ►
14 February in Grande Mountain, CDG
At the Peak’n’Break Stadium (Capacity: 66,000)
VS Electrum₅₅
Style: +/-0 (4-4-2 Formation)
WC 87 Record: 13-3-2, 3rd Place, Group 4

It is hard to put s finger on Electrum; Having won the World Cup back in the Seventy-Eighth Edition, the “sentient creatures” have since been termed “okay” by their “Computator” who writes up their roster information for multi-verse teams to have access to. A neutral style team according to ASPN, I would not be surprised if this game were to be the make-or-break of a self-coined “, where the Bisons – currently rated at +4.0 will certainly outscore their oppoents.

Though for many people’s sake… We better just have our de fence together.,,,

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URL: http://www.aspn.com.gk/articles/ahl/23121134
© 2021 Avatarian Sports Programming Network

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[Mytanija]

’28 Election Part 1
’28 Election Part 2
’28 Election Part 3
’28 Election Part 4



’28 ELECTION COVERAGE

“Good evening, I’m Ola Cenovic and welcome to the MKV broadcast headquarters in Esca for tonight’s coverage of the ’28 election. The first polls are starting to close and over the next few hours we are going to find out who will form the first democratically elected government of Mytanija since before the Mytanar Conflict. The campaign has been hard-fought and we will find out exactly what the public made of each party’s policies and also perhaps how they felt about each party’s leader as the votes are tallied and we start to get an idea of what the results look like. I’m here with MKV political editor Ania Ivkovic and reporter Luka Bolac to cover tonight’s results as they come in…”

***

“We believe we will shortly be getting word of the first constituency results from Rauchnya which is expected to skew leftwards, it will be interesting to see exactly who on the left has gotten the vote there or if that prediction is off and they may well vote for somebody else. Luka, how do you see things going there?”

“Well Ola most pollsters are extremely confident that Rauchik voters will vote for parties who have painted positive images of a unified Mytanija which has a place for Rauchnya. We know all too well the horrific treatment Rauchnya received under the Kalinina regime and the tension that this has caused to this day. Many Rauchik people want to put the past behind them and there is a feeling that Severyan in particular could be a stronghold for the likes of Jedinstvo and Ekologija. We know how those two parties have surged in the polls in the run-up to election day. Anybody who likes their football will know about Cassia’s links with Rauchik nationalism though and Cassia is the largest city in Rauchnya. Pollsters have factored this into their predictions but they feel that those voters simply will not turn out to vote. Rauchik nationalism is hardly compatible with Spasenje, for example, given that party’s links to the Kalinina regime. Rauchik nationalists could perhaps vote for the MNK given Radovan Stefanovic’s commitment to allowing each region to maintain its cultural values, but there is a scepticism about this too. Something just doesn’t quite seem right about Rauchik nationalists voting for a Mytanar national conservative party. We will see what happens, but Rauchnya could prove to be fertile ground for Jedinstvo and Ekologija and we will have to see if that leaves Radnika floundering as much as recent polls seem to indicate.”

“Thanks Luka. Ania, can I have a word from you about why the constituency results come first and then the proportional representation vote gets sorted later?”

“Yes, absolutely. As anybody who voted today will know the polling card had one section for the constituency vote, where voters cast their vote for their local representative and a section for the national vote. In the national vote section they could vote for any of the seven parties standing for election to the House of Representatives, this means that a voter can vote for someone different at national level to who they voted for at constituency level. The national vote is decided by proportional representation, so each party’s percentage of the national vote translates to a share of the 150-plus seats available.”

“150-plus?”

“Each party’s vote share is rounded upwards to the next full integer, so this can total over 100% and therefore the number of seats available can be slightly more than 150. But with regard to why this part of the vote takes longer, every constituency has to tabulate their local results and then move on to the tabulation of their constituency’s vote on a national level. Once they have those results the numbers have to be verified by all local parties and three neutral observers and the numbers have to be sent to Esca for the central election workers to monitor the national results. As the constituency results are done first everywhere and because they have to wait for all constituencies to do this it just means the full results from the proportional representation portion come in later.”

“When can we expect them?”

“The full results will be the last ones we receive, probably sometime in the morning. We will have results coming in from each constituency throughout the night though and we will gradually be able to build-up a picture of how things will pan out, both for constituency seats and the national seats available by proportional representation.”

“Thanks Ania. We’re now going to head to Samir in Ibon to get a sense of how things feel on the ground there…”

***

“…we’re already seeing huge results for Jedinstvo and Ekologija and even in places where Radnika were expecting to hold strong. Radenka Kovacevic’s party have already taken three of the ten Ebor constituencies and she will be very pleased to be performing well in her home city. It seems like the polls were right about Jedinstvo as they are doing well everywhere – the huge crowds at rallies and vociferous support from young people appear to be manifesting themselves in gains across the board – they’ve won seats in Thessia, a clean sweep of Severyan’s three different constituencies and in Visoravna too with two of the three constituencies available in Snezhnaya. Slobodan Acimovic and Radnika will be getting really worried at this point.”

“It appears we’re living through a truly historic night in Mytanar politics, thanks Ania. Luka, you’ve followed Radnika from early on in the campaign, what do you think Acimovic and his party will be thinking tonight as the results come in?”

“They were always bullish on their chances, Ola. They believed that voters would get to the polling booth and would go with what they know, that they would go with the familiar name from before the Conflict. As we can see at the moment, that doesn’t seem to be bearing out for them. I would be surprised if Acimovic stayed on as leader, he may well lead any post-election coalition talks which may arise, but the party will want blood. This election could have been an open goal for Radnika, but it always felt like they were avoiding the elephant in the room. They never set out what they thought Mytanija’s future should look like, neither did they try to engage with ideas about post-conflict reconciliation as the likes of Jedinstvo or Ekologija did nor did they rule it out like the MNK did. They failed to take a position and that looks to be having an effect on the outcome of the voting.”

“Yeah, sorry Ola, I’d just like to add a bit to what Luka said there. It’s difficult to say with certainty without having the full results but it appears as if Radnika’s decision to elect Acimovic as leader – a man who hasn’t been involved in politics before – could have played a part here too. Everybody saw how he performed under pressure during the television debates, he was under attack from the left – from Jedinstvo and Ekologija – and from the right, mostly from Stefanovic and the MNK. Stefanovic was mocking Acimovic at times for trying to mimic the policies of the centre-right whilst Mecava-Catic and Kovacevic were calling him out for betraying Radnika’s roots as a party of the centre-left. Acimovic seems to have performed poorly as party leader and it has affected Radnika’s election enormously. We shouldn’t forget that he beat a more left-wing candidate in the party’s leadership election too, things may well have been different.”

“That’s a very good point Ania and thanks Luka. We’re now going to head back to Samir in Ibon because I think he has the first result from there… Samir, hello!”

“Hello Ola. The first constituency result, Ibon 4 has gone to Jedinstvo. It really is turning into a historic night in Mytanar politics if results like this continue to happen. Ibon has always been considered to be a working-class city and prior to Kalinina’s regime was a Radnika stronghold, regularly returning a clean sweep of the city’s five constituencies for the party. It really does seem like the electoral ground is shifting and whether you consider Ana Mecava-Catic’s party to be great socialist unifiers or left-wing populists there can be no denying that they appear to have had their finger on the pulse of Mytanija throughout this election. Ibon 4 has been won by Fahreta Mandic, she’s only 26 years of age and will be one of the youngest members of the House of Representatives when the dust settles. Mandic is part of a new generation of Mytanars who see a unified future ahead of them and want to do away with what they consider to be the divisiveness of the past. It appears to be a message which has got through, particularly here in Ibon 4. I don’t expect the other Ibon constituencies to be too far behind here and we will see what happens with their results. We could well be watching the biggest shift on the left of Mytanar politics in decades happen before our eyes.”

“Thanks Samir. Well Luka, Samir said it there himself and you hinted at it before: are we witnessing a shift from Radnika to Jedinstvo on the left?”

***

“…thanks Damir. Let’s go to Ania over at our interactive wall to see the current numbers of seats each party has so far. It looks like we’re heading towards a fundamental shift in the balance of power of Mytanar politics, particularly on the left Ania, but will Radovan Stefanovic and his MNK be slightly disappointed with how they’ve done?”

“The current results we have for the constituency seats look very good for Jedinstvo and Ekologija and they are also largely in line with polling prior to the election. We have around 75% of constituency results in and Ana Mecava-Catic’s party are leading the way with 60 seats at the moment. Jedinstvo have done particularly well in Thessia as many expected, with Mecava-Catic winning in her seat with an enormous share of the vote – perhaps the highest in any single seat actually – an eye watering 83% vote share for Mecava-Catic in her Thessia 2 constituency. The MNK are in second with 43 seats and with regard to your question we really will have to see how it goes from here, the MNK are perhaps running out of places which they weren’t expected to win. They have done well in Zentria as expected and in Avnalia where they have won every single seat so far, but they have been hindered by their performance in Arsika where the youth vote appears to have had a huge effect. Arsika is a student city as everybody knows and both Ekologija and Zajedno Naprijed! have won two apiece, with the MNK taking the city’s other seat. The MNK will definitely be disappointed with that and they may also be slightly frustrated that they haven’t done quite as well as expected in Miago too. Miago has ten constituencies and as expected has returned several Spasenje seats, the city is known for being a stronghold for right-wing politics and the five seats Spasenje have grabbed reflects that. The MNK thought they could cut into Spasenje’s appeal at this election, they believed that people may have moderated their stances in cities like Miago and that could make former supporters of the far-right vote for the more mainstream MNK. The MNK only have two seats in Miago – three are still to return results – so that does not appear to have happened for them as much as they may have wanted.”

“And looking at the others there, it really does seem to be a bad night for Radnika. They’re down in… What is it? 6th place in the constituency seats at this point?”

“Yeah this has really turned into a catastrophic night for Radnika. As we can see here it is currently very close between Ekologija, Zajedno Naprijed! and Spasenje for 3rd place but they are all a long way ahead of Radnika who have only won 14 seats so far. Most worryingly for them is the fact that Slobodan Acimovic’s seat is still to come, Esca 13. They will certainly hope that that isn’t an unlucky number for him but they will be extremely worried that he might not even win that – any of Jedinstvo, Ekologija or Zajedno Naprijed! could conceivably take it – with the blow that that would cause to the image of the party, on top of everything else that has gone against them in this election.”

“Thanks Ania. Well Luka, catastrophe for Radnika and perhaps a degree of disappointment for the MNK. It has been a bad night for the traditional big two of Mytanar politics, hasn’t it?”

“Absolutely Ola. We’re seeing a fundamental realignment of Mytanar politics here, more so on the left than the right, but the MNK will probably be a bit disappointed that they haven’t been able to capitalise on what they will see as a fractured left. Radovan Stefanovic still has seats which his party can win but he might rue that he didn’t point out how disjointed the left is more, he was focussed on hammering home the message that his party would allow each region to maintain their own cultures but he might have been better off with a more instrumental argument – that the MNK would get things done whilst the left argued among themselves. As for Radnika, well, they’ve been the victims of being marginalised on every side and more or less on every policy possible. On the left Jedinstvo have blown them out of the water and Ekologija have contributed to that too, Zajedno Naprijed! appear to have appealed to the sort of people we would have seen voting for Radnika in the past in cities like Arsika. That student vote would normally have gone to Radnika but it seems to have been split between Ekologija and ZN! this time around – things didn’t quite shift enough to see Jedinstvo get any sensational wins there though. Then there’s even some places where the MNK have clearly benefited from a weak Radnika, some of the Esca constituencies that have gone MNK were seen as Radnika-leaning marginal seats but they have gone with Radovan Stefanovic’s party this time. Voters seem to have decided that they may as well go for the full-fat version rather than just a tough-talking Radnika which seems to have fought this election from the centre and lost out on all sides as a result.”

***

“We’re coming towards the end of a sensational night for Jedinstvo as they look like they have won the most seats by an extremely comfortable margin. Ana Mecava-Catic will have the first opportunity to consult with the other parties with regards to coalition-building, which there will definitely have to be as no one party has won enough seats to govern alone. We must note that these proportional representation totals we have here are projections, we don’t have full results from that portion of the vote yet, but it looks extremely good for Jedinstvo doesn’t it Ania?”

“Yeah absolutely Ola. This is a historic night in Mytanar politics and people will say ‘well, aren’t all elections by definition historic’ and that is a fair point but we have seen a party which didn’t exist prior to the Mytanar Conflict break what has been a two-way stranglehold between Radnika and the MNK for the first time ever in democratic elections. It is looking like Jedinstvo have secured around 36% of the vote at a national level and they’ve won 83 seats so far. We’re projecting the final two Thessian seats to fall for Mecava-Catic’s party so that will take their total up to 85 and mean they’re on course for 139 seats once the PR seats are added on top.”

“How have they managed it Luka?”

“You have to think that their positive campaign has worked wonders, they set out what they would do and painted a clear picture of what Mytanija under Jedinstvo would look like for voters. Ana Mecava-Catic rarely attacked her opponents personally, as Slobodan Acimovic and Radovan Stefanovic did on occasion, she focused on the policy and at times we saw her completely dismantle what Radnika and the MNK said they would do and they have performed amazingly well as a result. It will be interesting to see where Radnika go from here because they have been truly decimated and it seems like voters have almost asked what the point of Radnika is when Jedinstvo are there. Acimovic won his own seat by a razor-thin margin and had that fallen it would have made the night even more embarrassing for his party. It was tight between him and the Jedinstvo candidate in Esca 13.”

“Yeah, just to add to what Luka said Ola, Jedinstvo and Ekologija have both benefited from this let’s remember. We believe Ekologija are going to be the third-biggest party in the House of Representatives and they’ve already made noises about being receptive to going into coalition with Jedinstvo. Many have wondered out-loud what the difference is between Jedinstvo and Ekologija, they seem to agree on so many things, with Ekologija being that little bit more centred on climate change and the environment. The two parties are natural bedfellows and if you add their projected seat totals together – 139 and 52 – it nearly takes them to the 204 total needed for a majority. They’d have 191 seats between them and they might well be able to form a minority government and get things through the House of Representatives as a result without inviting any other parties into coalition with them. It will be very interesting to see if they talk to Radnika at all, the 23 seats we’re projecting for them would take the coalition over the 204 needed for a majority – it may be difficult for Acimovic to swallow his pride and agree to that though.”

“Do you think these results results have reinforced Mytanija’s regional differences Luka?”

“Well in some places yes and in others no. Thessia has come up big for Mecava-Catic and Jedinstvo as many were predicting, in the past the region has gone for Radnika but they obviously felt the authentic left-wing politics were with Jedinstvo this time around. Rauchnya went for the parties who promoted Mytanar unity, Jedinstvo and Ekologija did well there. Zentria, Magevskaya and Avnalia all went as we thought by voting MNK for the most part – although there are pockets of left-wing votes in larger Zentrian cities like the capital. Generally speaking – if you set the likes of Miago and Stratenberg aside – we have seen the large cities across Mytanija lean leftwards. The younger, more liberal populations of Mytanija’s cities have had their say and they have gone for Jedinstvo and Ekologija in many cases. If we use Arsika as a primary case study, it was thought of as a city which would mostly go MNK, but the large student population there has returned two Ekologija seats and two Zajedno Naprijed! seats. The MNK have done far better in smaller cities, provincial towns and rural constituencies. They account for less seats though and we can see from the comparison between the MNK and Jedinstvo’s projected national vote shares for the PR seats: MNK 24% versus Jedinstvo 36% how pronounced that gap is. So whilst in some cases we can see how the different political stances of Mytanija’s seven regions have manifested themselves in the results, I believe the biggest takeaway is how Mytanija’s younger, more liberal, more cosmopolitan large cities have had their say against the country’s smaller cities, towns and rural areas.”

“That is certainly a note to end it on for now. It has been an extremely long night and we will be finishing and handing over to the morning team for a few hours to get some much-needed rest before picking up coverage later on in the day. I’d like to thank Ania Ivkovic and Luka Bolac for their fantastic analysis in the studio, as well as all the MKV reporters around Mytanija who have been reporting on the ground. On behalf of everyone at MKV I’d like to thank you all at home for watching and contributing to what has been a memorable night in Mytanar politics. I’m Ola Cenovic and from all of us at MKV, goodnight and god bless.”

[Eura]

EFA Executive Committee
Offices of the Euran Football Association
Fletcher House, Bastion

Lee Sharp stared back at the EFA executive committee like a five foot six elephant in the room. At least it was just a photograph print on the wall rather than the man himself; a dashing image of him in his prime, powering home one of his most famous goals in the World Cup 60 final. Were Sharp actually in the room, he might somehow make the collective depression of Euran football’s governing body even worse. The only mercy of the last few weeks had been that Sharp had fallen on his sword before they would have to sack him, but it was no way for a national hero to go.

Euran football had, to put it mildly, entered an existential crisis. Eura failing to qualify for a World Cup was a huge shock – it had nearly happened several times over the years since Eura’s initial qualification for the 60th tournament, most recently when Michael Brandon recovered Eura from a dismal position mid-qualifying to win a playoff group and sneak in to the finals that way. But that was the point; they had always, somehow, clawed themselves back into contention, even when it seemed unlikely. It had happened so often that apart from a brief crisis of faith during that dire campaign under Brandon, Eurans had come to expect qualification whether it was a struggle or routine.

“Football’s home” boasts the branding of the Bastion Arena, crucible of a nation of billions who worship the game. Eura was certainly a good home for the beautiful game, having one of the world’s best (and certainly most financially powerful) leagues and twice world champions, albeit an increasingly long time ago. So how had it come to this? Well, the committee had just spent about a week discussing the reasons. The Chief Executive of the EFA, Arthur Grant-Thomas, sat glumly at his table with his summary notes of the discussions in front of him. Pages of thoughts were summarised by his “big list of problems” that the committee had identified:

REASONS WE DIDN’T QUALIFY:
The opposition – Savigliane couldn’t have been expected to play so well, Siovanija & Teusland turned up, and some notable banana skins (and cheating bastards!)
Lee Sharp – Good man manager but not well suited to this team and persisted with some selections (Reece Lucas, Tommy Sutton) longer than he should have done. Towards the end of his career – outdated? Third ex-Euran international in a row, but that might be beside the point?
The players – serious attitude and performance problems in the squad that need urgent addressing. Not as bad as the situation post-WC66 or even under Tommo at times, but some complacent old guards need clearing out – Roberts, Griffiths, Fletcher gone. Who next? Watts poor at int. level but clearly our best rightback. Belgrave alternatives all mediocre. Robshaw and Patterson different level for their clubs. Bowman not scoring. Is Brian Bond a luxury? Where are the leaders – Rowland carrying the can alone. Every starter in this team would walk into almost any club team in the world, so why don’t they turn up for Eura?
Injuries – Never had bad injury problems on national team, so why now? Steele, Bond, Robshaw, Wright all crocks during qualifying. Club schedule? Maybe Sharp/Riley got lax on the training.
No friendlies – No pre-qual/mid-qual friendlies. Team looked sluggish after the break. But we’ve done this before and been fine.
Compressed schedule – A CR and qualifiers stuffed into one domestic season is a lot. But, once again, used to do this every year!
Euraleague – More dominated by foreign imports than any league in the multiverse. Where are the youth opportunities? Big five don’t buy youngsters from smaller clubs anymore. Prospects being stifled – e.g. Tanya Green, Stewart Robson.
Bad luck – How else do you explain United Pink States.
Inability to beat top sides – Pasarga, Valanora, Nephara, Siovanija & Teusland; every time we hit a good second seed or a top seed rival in the last few cycles, we seem to have lost, bar Brenecia. Same problem we had under Belgrave and late era Tommo – bottlers?
Tactical stagnation – No new ideas. Last three managers have all had a similar outlook on the game. 4-2-3-1 or 4-2-2-2 for most of the last half-century. Has game moved on? Directus suggest otherwise.

Arthur skimmed back through his list and could immediately think of at least one or two more issues they hadn’t even covered. It was a bloody mess and a half, this. And that was just his thinking, let alone the others. ‘Why don’t we just give it to Riley? He got a pretty good win against Savigliane.’ Arthur sighed at his colleague’s repetitive intervention. They had been stuck on the topic of giving the job to Brandon and Sharp’s assistant Tom Riley, a World Cup winning Euran captain and the current caretaker manager, for hours, to the point that even a man of his patience had, er, lost it. ‘Enough! E-fucking-nough about Tom bloody Riley. He’s a good guy and all that but he doesn’t want it, he told us this. Do we really want someone who doesn’t actually want the job? Not to mention the fact he was Brandon and Sharp’s right hand man, and he’s 63. We might as well give up if that’s the limit of our ambitions.’ Arthur settled in his chair, feeling a little ashamed of his outburst.

His most useful ally in the room was his Deputy, Alyssa Proctor. She had once been the manager of the women’s national team before the men’s team went co-ed and was very much on the side of the modernisers. She also had given him that look from across the table that told him he’d misjudged the mood in the room. ‘Sorry everyone. I know this isn’t easy for any of us. I really think we just need to move on a bit, make a clean break. That’s why we’ve got the list. Alyssa?’
‘Thanks, Arthur. Our scouting team, with the help of the National Football Coaching Federation, have been looking into some of the suggestions various members of this committee have made over the past couple of weeks. I have been helping them do so and have spoken to representatives for most of these candidates, and in some cases the candidates themselves. I’ve tried to group them together in a sensible way, starting with managers available in Euraleague currently.’ She picked up a clicker for the massive digital display and loaded up the first slide on her comprehensive presentation. Unsurprisingly, the managers of the “big five” all featured, plus Lyle Heath following his success at Unioneers.

The consensus was…well, there wasn’t one, full stop – especially for one candidate whose name set off a debate that bounced around the room. ‘God, no, not Kryznjak.’
‘What, why?!’
‘He’s a basket case.’
‘A basket case who won three league titles on the trot and back to back Champions League titles.’
‘With Sharp’s team, sure. And a stupid transfer budget.’
‘Oh come on, so what? You can only manage the players you have in front of you.’
‘Yeah, yeah, easy to say that when he’s used to walloping small fry with Directus or 1830.’
‘We couldn’t trust him either – just look what he did to his own national team. Fucked off at five minutes notice! What if he did that to us?’
‘Well what are we going to do, stop him leaving the country?’
‘Maybe we could.’
‘The fact we’re even talking about such a thing shows the whole idea is mad. He’s about as reliable as a sink made of cardboard.’

‘Hold on a minute though,’ piped up one of the older members of the committee, ‘while we’re on the topic of Audioslavia, is Sterling Rose worth a shout?’ There was a murmur of agreement around the table. ‘He’s young, Euran, tactically adept and good at managing players. He’s been great for Bastion.’
‘True…’ said another member of the committee, lining up for a “but”, ‘…but going for experience has always served us well. I don’t think we want to go too young. And Sterling sets up quite defensively where he can, and for once it wasn’t just our defending that was the problem under Sharp.’
‘Alright then, how about Waller? He ticks the same boxes but has a bit of experience on him.’
‘What Waller has is a career full of taking mediocre teams slightly further. He hasn’t got Ulsa to where they should be in my view.’
‘Lawrence, you won’t be happy with Ulsa until they’ve won a quadruple. Forgive me if I take your view with a pinch of salt!’

Without prompting, Alyssa switched to the next slide, which showed a number of managers working abroad. ‘We did look at some Eurans overseas; Dan Eastwood has won a Champions League at Raynor City United, and he’d be our number one target. But, uh…’
‘But?’
‘He told us he wasn’t interested.’ An outraged committee member thumped their hand on the table in disgust. ‘Not interested in serving his country? Ungrateful little bastard!’
‘Calm down. It’s understandable given the mess we are in. And he’s not alone, I’m afraid. We reached out to Gareth Blackthorn, Chris Granger, John Spartan, none were that keen – not writing it off, but not keen. And maybe Granger and Spartan need more experience managing those top clubs.’ Arthur looked down at the list in front of him, correctly predicting what would come next; an inquisition among the committee into why so many top Euran coaches were reluctant to take the national team job. It took an hour, and no-one seemed willing to accept the real answer, which was that no big-name Euran manager wanted to put themselves at the mercy of the entire country and its brutal sporting press.

They spent more time after lunch going through non-Euran options at top clubs abroad, and much to Arthur’s frustration, couldn’t agree on any of them either.

Lisa Amos. Chromatika. Starling.
‘She’s the longest serving manager in Nephara, that’s got to be worth something. And what a statement it would be to have a woman manage the national team.’
‘That’s nice and all, but what has she actually won? Starling are pretty rubbish now, aren’t they?’
‘She managed Chromatika sure years ago. People like Spartan were still players when she was around!’
‘Maybe we could have looked at Amos last time. The moment has gone now though, surely.’
‘Her name is too easy to pun about with for the papers too. Can you imagine it? Aimless Amos?’

Brittany Byers. Cassadaigua. New Lakeland.
‘I don’t know. Why go for her when you can go for the real thing with Sweeney?’
‘Yeah, like she’s going to want to take us to the mighty Cup of Harmony. Byers might, on the other hand.’
‘They don’t compete in IFCF, so we have no competitive metric to judge by. I think we should stay safe – go with a league we know.’

Curtis Theberge. Pasarga. Free Agent.
‘…who? Oh hold on, the one in Cosumar. AFC Hollmanskillen?’
‘No, AC Holmenkollen. He did a good job.’
‘And what else? I mean, is that it?’
‘That’s it. And “it” isn’t enough in my book.’

Erin Camden. Brenecia. Cornellians.
‘Now this is more like it.’
‘Just look at Northern Union and what they’ve become. She can make serious radical change for the better, I’m telling you.’
‘Right, that’s assuming she’s even interested. I heard on the grapevine she turned down her own country let alone us. International football isn’t for everyone.’
‘We need someone driven, not Camden. What kind of top manager coasts in Schottia while they’re not competing internationally?’

None of this was going anywhere. He tried to get them talking about real heavy hitting candidates – top international managers with experience. Arthur and Alyssa exchanged looks, the former clearly determined to ensure this was where a decision was made. These were the people he really wanted. Four names, big names, came up on the screen.

Ichi Tuzzio. Farfadillis. Baker Park national team.
Daniella Strauss. Nephara. Free Agent.
Sir Lionel Mah. RK Quebec. Free Agent.
Lev Repin. Mytanija. Mytanija national team.

Arthur was prepared to take control of the conversation, only to find it dominated by a visceral reaction to one name from the other end of the long table, where the deeply unimpressed chairman of the Gold League had sat making unhelpful interventions all day. ‘Strauss? STRAUSS! Fucking hell, Arthur, you might as well announce we’re hiring Lee Sharp with a Nepharan twang and long hair. Alyssa, was this your idea or his?’
‘It was a joint proposal, and several people in this room suggested-‘
‘No, I’m not having it. She literally resigned halfway through qualifying because she was about to put Nephara through what’s happened to us.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Whatever, all I know is, if Lee had bailed halfway through qualifying we wouldn’t be apologising for him. I reckon she’d struggle with the big names anyway. If she can’t handle Moxham what’s she going to do about Bond? I’ve got sources over there you know, who are telling me this-’
‘Oh, like fuck you have. Go back to your pile of money Bob, leave this to the people who actually care about Eura winning games again.’

The discussion over Strauss continued to deteriorate. However it was hard for Arthur and Alyssa, who originally were quite keen on Strauss, not to agree with some of the points being raised by others. It would be odd for them to appoint Strauss now given what she had just been through. Yes, she’d got Nephara to two World Cup finals. But who was to say that was her and not the hugely talented squad? And what had been the end result, despite the success of getting there? She lost both of them. Lee Sharp also had a habit of losing World Cup finals, and they had experienced first-hand where that got them. It would also send the wrong message at a time where the EFA were being criticised heavily for taking away opportunities for Euran players and managers in favour of foreign imports, however unfair that criticism might be – and of all the imports Euran football had, none were already so numerous as Nepharans.

Farfadillis World Cup winner Tuzzio also brought up a lot of issues. He had been hugely successful with his own national team, but Eura play very differently and the culture clash could be immense. He was also going to the World Cup with Baker Park, and despite rumours that he may soon quit, Eura could not afford another long search for a manager like last time. As a Mytanar, Lev Repin presented an attractive option given the Euran love of Mytanija’s distinct brand of football going back a very long time. The committee did not share that enthusiasm. Repin was a “nice bloke”, and right at home managing his home nation with expectations proportionate to Mytanija’s steady return to footballing prominence. They did not want a nice bloke, and their expectations were far more demanding and urgent. Lionel Mah was considered briefly, until it rather embarrassingly became clear that he was even older than Lee Sharp and had technically retired.

After nearly a full day of debate it seemed the committee had achieved very little other than ruling out almost every candidate thrown at them. Arthur had been under pressure from the Ministry of Sport all week – in an unusual arrangement for a democratic country, the Euran government had traditionally taken a keen interest in exercising its influence over the EFA and this time was no different. Find a candidate and do it soon was the message from above. Still, there was no point going on if they were not going to find a resolution today, and the light was beginning to dim. ‘I suggest we reconvene tomorrow,’ Arthur proclaimed as he rose from his seat, ‘and take a second look at this shortlist. I think some of these options have some potential at least, even if we, uh, haven’t quite been able to agree on the specifics.’
‘Actually, I have one more suggestion.’ Alyssa twirled the clicker around in her hand and flinched as she pressed in, as if she were expecting a negative reaction.

Her “one more suggestion” left Arthur aghast. He thought they were on the same page. This was not on that page. ‘No.’
‘Just consider it-‘
‘No, categorically no. We’re not that desperate and I’m not exposing the EFA to that kind of risk. The answer has to be no.’
‘Are you seriously going to be like that? Think about it for a moment. We’re talking about a genuinely exciting, transformative option. Much more so than Sharp, or Brandon, or Belgrave. Isn’t that what we want?’
‘Not at any cost. Let’s move on.’ As much as Arthur wanted to put the idea to bed, he wasn’t going to be able to. ‘She’s right,’ weighed in one of the committee’s longest serving members, inviting others to join him. And one by one, they did.

‘Have you all taken leave of your senses?’ fumed Arthur, unable to believe what he was hearing. ‘Ok, fine, let’s entertain this for a moment. Look at some of the other managers we’ve talked about, the track records they have. He managed internationally for what, half a dozen World Cup qualifying campaigns and some regionals?’
‘And put in some credible performances! They always look good against the big teams as well, which we’ve struggled with. That team he’s got is not exactly gold dust; we have better players to go further with.’
‘They’ve never even qualified for the World Cup! Savigliane did it with eight million people and little international experience recently. This lot have had years, just as much heritage and a much bigger player pool.’
‘Well right now we haven’t qualified either, so who’s to say that should be a limiting factor? And come on, you know population isn’t an important factor, otherwise we’d walk every World Cup. Be fair, he has done very well given the circumstances.’

‘Fine. He has barely any club experience.’
‘Who cares? It’s a different skillset.’
‘The players he works with aren’t going to be remotely as difficult as ours!’
‘The man is his own icon, he won’t struggle with that.’
‘So was Lee Sharp.’
‘Right, but Lee Sharp was nice. And as we agreed earlier, nice isn’t what we need. We need a bastard.’
‘Maybe we do, but please, not that bastard. His temperament is shocking. I don’t want to have to lie awake at night wondering if the Euran national team’s manager is going to end up in a cell overnight.’
‘Oh come now Arthur, you’re being ludicrous. He’s a bit unorthodox, sure. It’s not like he’s ever been heavily sanctioned though is it?’
‘Yet.’

At the end of the table, the Gold League chairman twiddled his thumbs. Desperate, Arthur turned to him for support. ‘This is just an utterly daft idea. Have a think about how your clubs are going to react to the way he treats players on international duty. They’ve already complained before in his current position. Surely you see this is madness?’ The chairman twiddled away, knowing that his voice had suddenly become more important than ever. He couldn’t help but revel a little bit in Arthur coming to him for charity. ‘Wellllll…I suppose it could cause some difficulties.’ Arthur’s eyes widened – thank god! ‘I’m glad to hear you agree, and surely once we’ve reviewed these again we’ll find another candidate we can all agree on.’
‘I’m not finished.’ The chairman tapped the table as the cogs in his mind whirred along. Arthur gulped audibly. ‘…go on?’

‘As I said, he could cause some difficulties. Then again, so did Kelly Sporadic when he first came in, and he turned out to be a pretty good appointment. Think about the positives; he commands the respect of his current squad almost without question – we could use that. He’s a strong personality too, so he’ll control the players and won’t be afraid to dump anyone out of the squad who isn’t worth the effort. Tactically he’s very different to our usual orthodoxy. And we know he’ll get some of the prim donnas we call footballers to have a fire in their belly against the big teams that’s been sorely missing.’ The rest of the committee had gone silent – even Arthur found himself thinking this through more seriously than before. ‘Plus, he’s a winner. No, he hasn’t got that rag tag excuse of a “national” team abroad into the World Cup, that’s true. But every time he’s managed a team, they’ve improved massively, and as a player he was never on the end of the heartbreaks like Sharp was – he always found a way to win. Honestly, most of all, the attraction to me is that if we put him in the Euran dugout, if nothing else it will leave every opponent we have guessing. Every game. And that might be just what we need.’

The Gold League chairman’s intervention had shut everyone up for the first time that day. After what seemed like an age, Alyssa surveyed the room then turned to Arthur. ‘I think we should vote. He meets the criteria.’
‘Alyssa…’
‘Arthur, come on. I get your reservations. I share a lot of them. There’s a case to be heard though, and voting is how we do that.’ Finally Arthur caved in. Against his better judgement, he invited the committee to vote on the suggested candidate. One by one, hands went up around the table in favour of the appointment. A few remained down, including his. Once Alyssa and the Gold League chairman had raised theirs, almost all joined them. ‘It looks like we have a majority opinion, then. I see. Alyssa, if you could look into making contact, I’ll speak to the Ministry.’

Official press conference
Offices of the Euran Football Association
Fletcher House, Bastion

Hundreds of journalists waited patiently for the EFA’s nervous officials to unveil the new manager of the Euran national team, with the entire nation next in line behind them to find out the news. Four people emerged from backstage and sat at the briefing table in front of the journalists, and promptly introduced themselves, leaving a gap in the fifth chair in the middle. ‘Good morning everyone, I’m Callum Hurst, Head of Press for the Euran Football Association. And to my right…’
‘Arthur Grant-Thomas, Chief Executive of the EFA.’
‘Alyssa Proctor, Deputy Chief Executive.’
‘Julianna Carmichael, representative for the National Coaching Federation.’
‘Thank you. Ok, in a few moments we’ll get started, we’re just…uh…’ Someone in the shadows off stage was gesturing energetically at Callum as he tailed off. ‘…we’ll be with you in a minute.’

Darkness descended from nowhere – the lights had cut out completely. Arthur would have shot a glare at his colleague if he could; he had to resort to a barely concealed whisper instead. ‘This had better not be deliberate.’
‘Sorry – he insisted.’
‘Fucking hell…’ A set of lights suddenly blazed on from a corner behind the table, then another from the opposite corner, followed by blue and gold strobes illuminating the room. A pulsating dance number kicked in, blinding and dazzling everyone present, allowing a bulky figure with a cape swirling behind him to make his way down the centre footway and leap majestically onto the table, drop down into the chair and spin around to face the assorted press. A slightly embarrassed woman in a hoodie had followed him in and took an additional seat at the main table. The music and lights were gone. Cameras clicked. Twiiturs twiit’ed. Feelings fluttered.

‘…it is our…ugh…honour to present Skorji Oslograd as the new manager of the Euran national football team.’

[New Lusitania and the Algarves]

STL | Serviços de Transmissão Lusitana
Desporto/Sport | Futebol/Football
79ªTaça da Harmonia/79th Cup of Harmony
Previsão Pré-Torneio/Pre-Tournament Preview



So, at the final stretch, the Selecção failed at its big objective after a game so tantalizingly close, anything could have happened. The final goal was never to be seen and with that it was time for New Lusitania to confirm their invitation to the Cup of Harmony once more, a competition they’ve been present in for the last few years. The gigantic sixty-four team group stage sets up one of the biggest tournaments bearing the name will be hosted by Cassadaigua and Northwest Kalactin, New Lusitania travelling to the latter.
Eura, Mriin and Reçueçn are among the favourites but nothing is ever certain in this competition. The Selecção have been placed in Group C along with Tumbra (126), Graentfjall (61) and Mytanija (108). Whilst the Lusitanians may appear favourites, all three teams have been in good form in the recent world cup qualifiers. In the Selecção’s side not much has seemed to change with just the entry of Luís Miguel of Real Bragança coming in for João Teixeira in the official call-up roster as well as Miguel Pereira of SCUT for Trincal of Bracarense.
The first, rising up the ranks is Tumbra, who finished a respectable fifth in their Group, 18 with thirty points – eleven off qualification. The thirty points counted with nine wins where they clearly demonstrated ability and this being the final match, it’s going to be decisive for progression.
Graentfjall on the other hand were extremely unlucky in Group 9, coming third; a point off runners-up South Covello and two off group winners Nephara, who took a long time to take off this cycle. That combined with two unexpected draws with lower ranked sides in Matchdays 16 and 17, a Double Header of Terror for most, saw them finish just about off when it was there for the taking. An extremely versatile team, the Snow Wolves shift between an unorthodox orthodox 4-4-2 and their 4-2-3-1. This is, without a doubt, the game of the group going into the tournament, but how will things be between both sides at the end?
Mytanija were also close to qualification in Group 8 finishing fourth, one off hosts Northwest Kalactin, three off progression to the playoffs Huayramarca and six behind the leaders Audioslavia. Despite being very cunning and balanced tactically, on sheet it’s attacking with a 3-1-3-3 when in possession of the ball alternating with the standard 4-3-3 over the course of the match. In summary, ignore the rankings – there’s a lot of competition to be had in this exciting group, likely one of the best from its half of the draw.
Francisco Grilo is confident that the team can find a footing in their first match saying that “as long as we find ourselves well and truly in it and er continuing some decent form in a more consistent manner, I think we can eventually do some good things, but at this point it’s really just, as any tournament, concentrating on a match-to-match basis”. Ever cautious this Grilo, who later took to the conference room again and justified his choices after being questioned on them by responding “Both players did well with their chances and I think that considering their season’s they deserved a spot on the team, but it’s always hard, the call-up for any international break is always the hardest part in the pre-tournament phase y’know as we have a good national pool and we can only really select twenty-three and another five to come with us.
With the first match being the big one against Graentfjall Grilo expressed some concern about having to face such a team but in the end that “it’s two teams with plenty of experience on the world stage and we’ll have to look out for them because they’ve looked dangerous all-cycle and having to face them will definitely be tough because of that. They’re a team who know how to play and they know how to do it well and in the end I think it’s a game to look forward to and one of three games that will definitely test us.” Courage New Lusitania, a new dream arises…

[Cassadaigua]

Cup of Harmony 79- Matchday 1, Groups A-H

Group A
Valladares 2–1 Northwest Kalactin
Indusse 2–3 Frestovenia

Group A                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Frestovenia                      1   1  0  0    3   2  +1    3
2 Valladares                       1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
3 Indusse                          1   0  0  1    2   3  −1    0
4 Northwest Kalactin               1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

Group B
Newmanistan 5–2 Garbelia
Sharktail 2–3 Mavinet

Group B                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Newmanistan                      1   1  0  0    5   2  +3    3
2 Mavinet                          1   1  0  0    3   2  +1    3
3 Sharktail                        1   0  0  1    2   3  −1    0
4 Garbelia                         1   0  0  1    2   5  −3    0

Group C
Tumbra 1–0 Mytanija
Graintfjall 4–2 New Lusitania

Group C                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Graintfjall                      1   1  0  0    4   2  +2    3
2 Tumbra                           1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 Mytanija                         1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 New Lusitania                    1   0  0  1    2   4  −2    0

Group D
Sylestone 0–0 Yuezhou
Pluvia and the Saxean Isles 2–2 TJUN-ia

Group D                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Pluvia and the Saxean Isles      1   0  1  0    2   2   0    1
  TJUN-ia                          1   0  1  0    2   2   0    1
3 Sylestone                        1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
  Yuezhou                          1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1

Group E
Baggieland 2–2 Hapilopper
Eura 2–1 Kohnhead

Group E                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Eura                             1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
2 Baggieland                       1   0  1  0    2   2   0    1
  Hapilopper                       1   0  1  0    2   2   0    1
4 Kohnhead                         1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

Group F
Mercedini 3–0 The Gothanita Isles
Chartistan 0–1 Tequilo

Group F                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Mercedini                        1   1  0  0    3   0  +3    3
2 Tequilo                          1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 Chartistan                       1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 The Gothanita Isles              1   0  0  1    0   3  −3    0

Group G
Lorrana 2–0 Transvolcanic
Squornshelan Remnant States 1–0 Krytenia

Group G                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Lorrana                          1   1  0  0    2   0  +2    3
2 Squornshelan Remnant States      1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 Krytenia                         1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 Transvolcanic                    1   0  0  1    0   2  −2    0

Group H
Blouman Empire 2–0 Flavovespia
Murphtannia 1–1 Juvencus

Group H                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Blouman Empire                   1   1  0  0    2   0  +2    3
2 Juvencus                         1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
  Murphtannia                      1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
4 Flavovespia                      1   0  0  1    0   2  −2    0

[Saltstead]

stallion.stable.co.zs
All Saltsteadish! All football!

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Rosencrants “incredibly confident” ahead of a difficult Cup of Harmony

The finish to qualification was not what Saltsteadish supporters were hoping for, as New Lusitania snagged a spot in the qualifying playoffs with a victory over top-ranked Banija. That result rendered Saltstead’s thumping victory in Belac—which matched the Stallions’ trip to Makhnovia for the largest margin of victory ever by a Saltsteadish team—completely meaningless. That win, which tied a fourteen-year-old record set under Jan-Peter Wijtdal, has nonetheless given head coach John Nicholas Rosencrants “incredible confidence” for the Stallions’ immediate future.

And honestly, who can blame him? While not to the extent of Savigliane (who are led by former Saltstead head coach Tlanx-Nulzk Hal), Saltstead notably overperformed in the qualifiers and pushed New Lusitania all the way to the finish line. Some individual performances were less than ideal—and let’s not even start on Banija’s visit to Ashwell—, but on the whole, these Saltstead teams did remarkably well given the circumstances. The team even managed to pick up six wins in the second half of qualifying, including wins against Oberour Ar Moro (who had spanked Saltstead in the first match) and in New Lusitania.

So it was in high spirits that the Saltsteadish team departed from the Internäsjonal Lofthaven des Härtoydoms in Königstad-an-d’ Argent earlier this week, heading to Cassaidaigua for their seventh Cup of Harmony. The Stallions will start their consolation bid in New Lakeland against top seeds Kandorith, before facing Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom—whom Saltstead lost to twice in last cycle’s qualifiers—in Starksville. They will then wrap up the group stage in Battleboro against international darlings Bluecliff in a match suspiciously scheduled for after Kandorith and ZRH’s clash.

On paper, this group is a mixed bag: a tournament favourite in Kandorith, one of the most vulnerable second seeds in ZRH and a potential diamond in the rough in Bluecliff. Maybe if Saltstead had drawn the other second seed with a name that’s too damn long, we would not be talking about a possible second consecutive group stage exit, but we cannot go back in time to replay qualifying or redo the draw. We are stuck with what we’ve got. Unless Bluecliff pull out a surprise or Saltstead get a shocking blow on matchday one, the match against Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom will decide who goes through and history does not favour Saltstead in that fixture.

If the Stallions advance (and that “if” is important), they will face a team from Group L in the Round of 32. Omerica will be considered the preferred choice for Saltsteadish supporters, what with the Incorrigibles having never defeated the Stallions in four attempts. 139th-ranked Hebitaka will be the second-best choice ahead of fellow Cup of Harmony débutantes Saint-Domingue, while rising stars Squidroidia will be the team that the Stallions most want to avoid.

Things will get significantly trickier in the Round of 16, where tournament favourites and Saltsteadish boat-neighbours Mriin potentially await. If Saltstead do manage to avoid Mriin, then Huayramarca, Xanneria, Jeruselem, San Ortelio and Netop are all perfectly reasonable opponents, while Garifunya and Ibixa could theoretically get to the second knockout round. In the unlikely event that the Stallions advance to the quarterfinals, then Reçueçn, Sargossa and Huelavia all potentially lie in wait. If the Stallions can make it past that stage, then the sky is the theoretical limit.

But will Saltstead actually make it to that point? We think Rosencrants may be eating his eating words at the end of this process, but we can confirm that his team will look incredible while he is eating them.

██ Saltstead predicted starting XI against Kandorith: Robert-Jan van Daal; Micħäl Aurelius, Jan-Pijr Åudenberg, Serena van Middelkamp, Catharine de Vriħt; Natasħa Aħterop, Benni Sħåul, Zacharias van den Slåp, Mina Ratmaker, Thomas Lions; Reinhard Åubreħtssen
— Miho des Camps from Ashwell

★
The Royal Saltsteadish Football Association
Royal House of Sport, Ashwell

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Kandorith : Saltstead
Cup of Harmony 79 group stage — Matchday 1
Qusmair Stadium, New Lakeland, Cassadaigua
Starting line-up (4–5–1): Robert-Jan van Daal; Micħäl Aurelius, Dijter Ackerdijħ, Serena van Middelkamp, Catharine de Vriħt; Natasħa Aħterop, Benni Sħåul, Zacharias van den Slåp, Mina Ratmaker, Thomas Lions; Reinhard Åubreħtssen
Substitute bench: Kathrinita Äsħes, Christijn Sänt-Andreas; Jan-Pijr Åudenberg, Johan van Tilborg, Yorg Handel, Constantijn Kåler; Violeta Igesleven, Margaretha Wilheumssen, Nico Joxepħssen, Aleksa Pascal; Haråud Haråudssen, Edvard Rothås

---

[HUElavia]

A New Journey Awaits HUElavia!

Tonight, the start of another competition awaits the HUElavia National Football Team: the 79th Cup of Harmony. While just 16 years ago this was viewed as a pity competition, the mentality of the HUElavian Football Association, the team and the fans has radically changed. Now, the HUElavia National Football Team views the Cup of Harmony as a must-win competition, and even more important for the bigger picture, a chance to go up in the Multiversal Rankings.

As previously mentioned, HUElavia (32) was placed in Group N with Euran Oceania Territories (93), North Japan (154) and South Covello (54). Once again, the team will be playing the entire tournament in Cassadaigua. Many of the fans and players and personnel on the team, including Coach Salgado Lacerda, have fond memories of the hospitality and joys they had in their World Cup debut in World Cup 84. Back then, that was the watershed tournament that put HUElavia on the map of football competitions and show they were a serious force to reckon with.

Recently, the team and fans now know their locations for their matches in the Cup of Harmony Group Stage. For Matchday 1, it will be North Japan vs HUElavia in Ferguson Stadium (64,000) in Rutland. The second match will be South Covello vs HUElavia in Dagan Airways Stadium (83,000) in Concord Heights, which will be the site for the Cup of Harmony 79 Final. The third and final match will be HUElavia vs Euran Oceania Territories in Qusmair Stadium (77,000) in New Lakeland. It is expected that HUElavian fans will be taking up entire endzones to support the team, and about 45%-50% will be filled by HUElavians, at the very least.

There will be history made in the opening match versus North Japan, as Ana Ramos will become the first Female goalkeeper to be the main starter for HUElavia in a major tournament. As for the rest of the field, the main outfielders will be playing in the match. Despite being the away team for the match, HUElavia will wear the Home Uniform, which has gained massive popularity among the millions of HUElavians. The team has been training at their training base in Cassadaigua, and has enjoyed their time so far, along with interacting with the locals, visiting places of interest, and enjoying the local cuisine. The fans have also been enjoying their time in Cassadaigua once again, enjoying the food and locations, making good memories and friends out of the Cassadagans, and taking in the atmosphere once again. The fans have been more at calm, especially with the lowered crimes back in HUElavia, thanks to the efforts of President Suihi Michi looking to take down crime through boosts to a rebuilding Welfare system and improving the Law Enforcement in the country. While her popularity isn't so great at the moment, it is improving, and HUElavians seem to be turning a new leaf with her.

We've made it to the opening day for the 79th Cup of Harmony, and Rutland is where our story starts. The players are ready, the fans are flocking to the stadium to adorn the stands with Yellow, Green, and Blue, along with their banners of messages and the flags of where they come from.

It's time to make history.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

[Tumbra]

C O D A

Parts One and Two

III

By the time William V had returned to his office with the requisite tome - an ancient book, by any standards, with a beautiful maroon cover and gold-leaf binding - he was out of breath, his tie was slightly undone, and the weight of the book was making him pant. Out of breath, he set the book down on his ornate table - one that originated from when his family was invited to rule over Tumbra, from a less technologically advanced time.

He remembered such memories like they were yesterday. He missed them. Being on top was lonely, though his role and responsibilities had been neutered since his forefathers and distant relatives. Bouncing through the State Gardens in one of the many palaces with his family as a kid. Appearing on the balcony and waving at the amassed crowd when his uncle got married as a teenager. Showing up at state events. Being present at the funeral of his grandfather, then his own father.

It was his grandfather that he missed the most. His father was always distant, always concerned with the well-being of the country more than spending time with his own family, while his grandfather didn’t give many damns about it. Philip III of Tumbra was more often than not happy enough with delivering his yearly address to Parliament, and to the country at Christmas.

What he loved more was his family - especially the young William, who he spent many a winter evening with, in front of a fire, as he regaled him with tales of great conquerors long gone, and, of course, the book he was looking through right now.

One afternoon while Philip was in the library, a five-year-old William was desperately trying to escape his lessons. He didn’t want to learn his times tables or read words the way his nanny wanted him to read them. He wanted to play with his imaginary friends and his toys. Ducking into the nearest room - a giant hall with books stacked from floor to the very tall ceiling - he saw his grandfather at a table near the window, pored over a heavy tome, and ran over.

“Pop-pop!”
Philip looked up, momentarily allowing the light of the late afternoon to illuminate the creases in his face. Weathered by age, he looked every bit worse for wear, yet nevertheless mustered up a smile as he outstretched his arms. William leapt into them and embraced his grandfather.
“Shouldn’t you be at lessons, William?”
William squirmed uncomfortably as his face turned red. “Y...yes.”
“Just this once, I’ll let you stay with me. Would you like to see what I’m reading?
“Yes!”
“Today, I’m reading How To Build A Nation. Really, I shouldn’t be the one reading this. The Prime Minister should, really!” He chuckled. “But this one’s different.”
“How so, Pop-pop?”
“Well, William. Sometimes, despite people like us having to hand over power to the common people, we still have to step in sometimes. Particularly in times of grave national crises.”

He flipped to the page that William was looking for, one that had seemingly become a fixed point in time (as he privately liked to call it) in his mind.

“But what I wanted to look for was this, William. See, If this shows up, Tumbra is in grave danger. Pray, Will, that this never shows up. But if it does, you alone must choose. We are both blessed and cursed with power for a reason. And that is to act.”
“Pop-pop, why would we be in grave danger if this shows up?”
“Because it means something has gone wrong, and it’s now up to us to make a decision.”
“I don’t understand, Pop-pop.”
“You will, Will. You will.”

Six years later, in 1981, he would stand near his grandfather’s coffin and weep silently, for the only person outside his wife who truly loved him had passed. Thirty years later, he would do the same for his father, though notably, there were no tears for him.

Ruminating over such matters wouldn’t do him much good, now. He flipped open the front cover, and was surprised to see that such an ancient book...would have its title printed in perfect modern Tumbran.

Adobe NationStates, version 4.4.6 - User’s Guide
©2019, latest version
Versum-Multis Printing Press

2019? He gently moved his hand over the first page, only for the amount of dust that came off it to send him into a sneezing and coughing frenzy, and only returned when the dust had settled - all over his table, to his great frustration - and with a pair of gloves and a mask.

He then began flipping through the book, attempting to locate the source of the diagram that he had seen, foggy, in his memory. The device on his table was gradually warming up - initially cold when he entered the room, it had begun to warm once he plugged the cube into the briefcase, where indicated. The whirring, clanking and tingling sounds it produced - while not harmonious, not cacophonous either - were gradually speeding up, and occurring with more regularity.

As he continued searching through the book for the source of the diagram, skipping interesting yet boring practical details such as The Nation, Forum, Conundrums, and one particular section called Gameplay that looked particularly unwelcoming and threatening - he arrived at Troubleshooting and Resetting.

Troubleshooting and Resetting? William V thought. Surely there wasn’t something wrong with his country, was there? There was precious little left in the book, but he kept flipping. And there it was.

On page 394, near the upper right hand of the massive book, there it was. Like-for-like, the Cube which currently rested on his desk, and on page 395, the terminal it was hooked up to. He began skimming through the attached text. Loquacious and as flowery as it was, the King managed to grasp just the basics to realise that something had gone very wrong.

Upon reading the final sentence in detail, he nearly fell to the floor under the weight of the information and responsibilities he now knew he had, and what he had to do. He managed to stay up long enough to drag himself to his seat, then pulled open the drawer containing his favourite whisky, opened the bottle, and drank straight from it. Un-King like, but he was alone, and he needed it.

394
NationStates™ Troubleshooting Tools - Physical Means
NationStates™ always seeks to provide its users with the prerequisite tools to fix their nation in times of distress, fatal error or otherwise. Should the Multiverse determine that one’s nation is out of sync with the rest of the Multiverse, perhaps due to inactivity or otherwise, it shall deliver such tools to help the people of said NationState determine their future course of action.

It is highly recommended that such a tool be utilised by a person, or otherwise, that will occupy a position of power for a period of time for longer than ten (10) Multiversal Years, for the content of this book, should they be revealed to the wider citizens of the NationState, will require harsher corrective action as determined by the self-correcting Multiverse, and may have adverse effects. Such a tool is designed to correct relatively small errors, but the range of powers available is still quite large for the discerning user.

The Troubleshooting Tool will manifest in the form of a six-sided cube, in three dimensions. Plug the Troubleshooting Tool into the manner of its arrival, in order to begin the process of troubleshooting. Do bear in mind that the contents of the Troubleshooting Tool are personalised for each NationStates, and that options may be restricted or allowed accordingly. To accommodate this, please allow the Troubleshooting Tool enough time to warm up, which upon completion will be signified by the material of the Tool turning from a wood-like material to a metal-like material.

Such options for personalisation include:
- Hard Reset
- Soft Reset
- Tweaking of various population settings
- Regional settings

And many more. The Multiverse, upon receiving these corrections, will auto-correct the rest of history to accommodate the user’s changes - such an effort takes less effort than correcting one nation more.

The interface is self-explanatory and will update itself to the technological time period the NationState finds itself in, taking the form of the most convenient means of technology as to provide ease of access for the user(s).

Such tools are to be used with great caution, and all decisions must be made with the full consent of all present.

IV

Once William had drank his fill and sufficiently recovered from his ordeal, he returned to see that the wooden box had turned silver. It - he gave a cursory glance at the window behind him, peering behind the curtains - was also late afternoon. The box had stopped its whirring and clanking, settling instead into a short tick-tick-tick sound at regular intervals. He reached out, just one finger, to try and casually brush against it --

Ow. Not touching that again, he thought. Hot, extremely hot, and somehow felt extremely sharp despite him touching a noticeably and obviously smooth surface. The sudden urge to throw everything on the ground, to say fuck it (very un-statesmanlike, but this was obviously not a day to be a statesman) and try to destroy it, to let the Multiverse, whatever it was, correct whatever had gone wrong with his country --

A time to act.

Time to get to it, then.

He picked up the phone, made a few calls. The Prime Minister, and the Prime Minister only. None of his hangers-on or smarmy advisors, or his Cabinet Ministers. The Leader of the Opposition. He didn’t know much about her, but he got the feeling from her that she would become Prime Minister sooner rather than later...and so decided she was to be included as well.
A few hours later, Anne Palmer, the Leader of the Opposition arrived at the Palace. On foot. Keeping to her image of a woman of the people, William smiled as she walked in just as she did into Parliament every so often. When she arrived, he welcomed her into his office, and her eyes looked directly at the things on his desk.

“Your Majesty...what’s that?”
“We’ll find out soon enough. Have a seat. Any drink for you?”
“Water will do fine, Your Majesty. Thank you.”

The first thing she noticed was the ornate desk - from the 19th century, not the plastic kinds they sold at the local Easy Furniture store (Where You Assemble Everything Yourself!). It was the King's favourite. It was authoritarian and resonated power. Just the way he liked it. It was his palace. His rules.

He was still supreme sovereign, and it was a Royal Federation. She wasn’t sure why he’d brought her here, but if it was trying to intimidate her for statements she had made on republicanism in her youth...it was working. She tried her best to not look at the device on her desk. Wearing her trademark red skirt and her red jacket, she (yes, the first woman Leader of the Opposition, as she enjoyed reminding people) was looking more like a Prime Minister, the King mused, than the actual Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister arrived little over fifteen minutes later, and stumbled into the office. He sat down almost immediately - he by now was used to their weekly parleys, and was looking worse for wear each week. He furrowed his brows and put his interlocked hands on the desk, all the while sweating profusely and not looking well at all. A nervous wreck, compared to the youthful (yes, he was below 55, as he enjoyed reminding people) exuberance he displayed on TV and seemed to never lose.

He'd lost it now.

“Prime Minister. Ms. Palmer.” he nodded in their directions, as he sat down. “You must be wondering why we have called you here today.”
Both of them made no response.
“This”, he said, turning the screen towards them, “is something that you have to guard with your life. Nobody can know about this, other than the three of us. I have called you here today because we require your advice. This is a matter of grave national significance.”

The screen, with green text on a black background, was eerily reminiscent of 80s technology, or even more modern command prompts still employed today. On top, a green bar slowly ticked down, in line with the tick-tick-tick sound that was still emanating from the box. Multiple options on the screen followed, none of which made much sense to the two politicians.

"What do we know about this?" the Leader of the Opposition broke the silence.

"Not much. I ran a search through the archives and there have been no mentions of any of this NationStates software anywhere round here," came the curt reply from the Prime Minister. One too many bestings taken at Prime Minister's Questions had rather taken a beating on him.

"Surely it could have surfaced at different places, different times under different names..."
"Enough." The King spoke.

"The archives have no mention of these things. It has been a secret passed down through many generations of my family, from defeated to conquerer. This," he gesticulated to the screen, "is merely one form this could take. This is the Troubleshooting Tool. The Troubleshooting Tool is only delivered to the most senior person in the country, one that can hold the position of leader on a long-term basis. Dictators, kings, a senior civil servant on a sinecure post, but never presidents or prime ministers. If anarchy, then, probably some old man on top of a waterfall. This links to Adobe NationStates. Don't ask me how or where the name comes from, it would probably tear the fabric of this multiverse if I told you."

"Multiverse? What? But why not presidents or prime ministers?" enquired Palmer.

"Let's just say that the ballot box is an...annoyance. Too many people will end up knowing. Even my wife does not know about this. Whatever delivered that box to the front gates of your residence today, Prime Minister, knew it would end up here."
"So what does this do?"
"It allows us to reset the nation. Among other things, of course.”
“Reset?”
“Yes. Evidently the Multiverse has decided we have deviated far enough from our predetermined course or whatnot, and it has delivered this to us, seemingly as a warning.”
“What options do we have?”
“Let’s see, shall we?”

[Yue Zhou]

Note: "Sporting Buddha" is a rough translation of the Yue podcast, whose name in Yue is 体佛 ("Ti-Fo"). Definitely not a reference to anything.

TJ: "...So in your opinion, the key to holding Sylestone scoreless last night was Lu Jialan's brilliant tactics."

ZW: "Well, how else could you explain it, Jiewen? By playing a lower block than usual, we were able to crowd the box and suffocate Mixer by forcing him to play the ball from outside the box. It meant that we allowed Tumble Dryer, known for being inaccurate with their shooting, as well as Sylestone's midfielders, to take lower-quality shots from outside the box. However, if you look at Sylestone's Plan A, Mixer was really neutralized by those tactics."

TJ: "I'd push back on that a little, Wuxi. Sylestone's shots were mostly of a lower quality, sure, but they still had twelve of them. When you look at their relative attacking output compared to that of the R[bleep] Dragons (due to new podcasting regulations in Yuezhou, use of 'Red Dragons' is strongly discouraged in commercial media), it really seems like Lu Jialan cut off his nose to spite his face. The low block forced our midfield back, meaning that we were much less effective in the counterattack. I can't blame Yuezhou for playing so defensively or cynically holding out for a draw, but twelve shots when almost our entire team was in the box is poor form."

ZW: "Who cares about the number of shots? Yuezhou had the better quality chances on the day, and with tidier finishing, we easily could've made it 1-0. If you look at the xG map, we had 0.73 expected goals to their 0.69! That's really nice, especially since I remember you saying that Sylestone were a much better team than us."

TJ: "Well, even with such a marginal advantage, most of that xG came down to one chance. Outside of that, we didn't produce at all."

ZW: "You can't deny that Huang Shedong could've easily made it 1-0!"

TJ: "Sure, of our four total shots, that was probably the most likely to find the back of the net. But our gameplan can't be for Washing Machine to slip on a puddle that Dishwasher created, and vice versa, giving Wen Xiaohui space to find the through-ball to Huang. That's not something that we can count on against TJUN-ia or Pluvia & the Saxean Isles, and we were very lucky to have that chance today as well."

ZW: "Still, though! It almost makes you think, would Luo Dan be better suited to the starting striker's spot?"

TJ: "It wasn't particularly egregious of a miss from Huang to me - after all, it was still obnoxiously wet in Sylestone's box today, and absolutely nowhere else on the pitch. To me, that's almost bookable - if you think about it, Huang looked like he slipped a little, and that was directly due to the actions of Sylestone's defense."

ZW: "Too bad the referee was too horrified by the existential implications of sentient appliances, as well as their impact on our materialist consumer culture, to adapt the rulebook to them."

TJ: "Truly a shame."

ZW: "Anyways, I think we can break the offense down now?"

TJ: "We've been here for a while, and there's not much to break down - we were dreadful."

ZW: "Still, you have to admit we were better after Luo Dan came on."

TJ: "Honestly, we were pretty bad no matter who was up top. The defensiveness of Lu Jialan's 4-2-3-1 really isolates our strikers, and this is not a country where those sort of tactics work. You can't be playing long balls to a lone man up top when your starting striker is five foot seven."

ZW: "Yeah, I was a little surprised that we wouldn't want to keep Yu Wei on the roster as a target-man. It would've been nice to have that tactical option, even if Lu wasn't expecting to play so deep, but I'm excited to see what Ji Weibo has to offer."

TJ: "Alright, well, we've spent long enough on this segment. You want to pick a Man of the Match?"

ZW: "It's Han Jian for me. I think Wen Xiaohui had a strong case as well - it's been impressive to see her start tracking back so hard on the defensive end of things, and I think that's really the next step for her development if she can do it consistently - but Han was locking everything down in the box."

TJ: "Fine. Next up on Sporting Buddha, we break down Kang Guilin's Graintfjall and how they've adjusted tactically since a heartbreaking MD18 elimination. But first, a word from our sponsors..."

[Baggieland]

The DAILY BOING

Baggieland Held by Hapilopper

Baggieland 2 – 2 Hapilopper

This was the game that Baggieland had to win in order to have any chance of progression in a very tough group. Hapilopper are only three ranks in front of the Throstles and it was this game that had been targeted to give us our best chance of picking up three points. Games against Eura, the highest ranked team in the whole tournament, and Kohnhead, now a pot two team, await us.

Both teams started the game quite nervously – testing out each other's strengths and weaknesses, and it wasn't until midway through the half when the fans got to see the first attempt on goal. It was Hapilopper that came close when an excellent through ball from Beautiful Bobby found Randall unmarked on the edge of the area, she unleashed a fierce drive, but Osborne just managed to tip it around the corner of the left-hand post. This spurred the Throstles into life and they went on to dominate possession for the rest of the half. However, despite all that possession they failed to test Harris in the Hapilopperian goal. The teams went into the break without having broken the deadlock.

The second half was a much more exciting spectacle, kind of difficult not to be. This time Hapilopper broke the deadlock when Randall turned provider to allow Beautiful Bobby to slot home. Things got even worse for Baggieland not long after when Hapilopper went two – nil up thanks to another goal from the irresistible Beautiful Bobby, who was playing some very attractive football indeed. By this time Buckingham was on the touchline, yelling himself into an early heart attack and urging his players on. Finally, in the 68th minute, the Throstles pulled a goal back thanks to some excellent individual play from Bomber, who tricked his way around a couple of defenders and then laid the ball on for Richardson, who couldn't miss from six yards out. Baggieland were now piling on the pressure and were causing panic within the opposing team. Ten minutes later, the Throstles found the net again when Regis launched a high ball into the opposition box allowing Bassett to head home the equaliser. The game fizzled out after that with none of the players seeming to try anything special – wary of making a mistake and turning a draw into a loss.

[Twicetagram and JYPe]

Hinlaiva Kriugistu: Criminal
“Run!” I shouted, with a voice full of both excitement and fear, “The Vaya won’t catch up!” The Vaya were the police chasing us. Us being me and my friends. I don’t have time to talk about what we did for the police to come chasing us.

Filip made a sharp turn into a dark alley, and the rest of the gang followed. After a game of cat and mouse, the police lost track of us. Under a small tree, I opened our recently stolen treasure with my friends: Filip, Vrios and Andrei. Let’s see... a few useless necklaces, a gold ring, and a stash of cash. I think it’s worth around 10000¥.

Daylight robbery surely wasn’t something I wasn’t expecting myself to do as a 17 year old. By now I’d probably have been playing in the youth leagues for Raichovskiy. Shame I ‘dropped out’. By that I mean being kicked out for my attitude. I didn’t really care at that point. My love for football was fading every second, and I had better friends than in the academy. Filip was another academy dropout. He was supposed to be a promising attacker, but it wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes I reminisce about my academy days. The days where I would spend hours toiling under the hot sun. Even as a goalie, work was still tough.

“I heard the guy we jumped is a high profile guy from uptown,” Andrei said. Uptown was a term we used to refer to the more well known companies. Andrei threw away his pocket knife, stained with blood.

“Did we kill him?” Vrios asked nervously. Vrios himself was the son of the CEO of an uptown company. He ran away from home after being abused by his dad. Maybe that was why he was always scared of everything we did.

“Probably injured him a lot, but not kill. That’s inhumane,” I replied a bit jokingly. Vrios smiled unconvincingly. This was my life from today onwards: steal, hurt, run. I’d like to think of my career if I had stayed as a goalkeeper. Maybe I would have been in the starting XI for the national team. Now, instead of being listed on the squad list, I was listed on the Wanted list. My bounty had definitely been increased following what we did. No worries though, the Vaya would be too incompetent to catch me.

After splitting the cash, I walked to the gas station where I’d start my night shift. I dropped out of high school, and had to resort to working to earn money. My mother always nagged me, talking about how much money I would earn if I became a professional. I guess she just wants the money, that’s all.

Walking, I was. Calm, I felt. Until I heard footsteps behind me. Whoever was behind he definitely was on to catch me. I sprinted as fast as I could. I turned my head back. Oh god, it was them again. Couldn’t they leave me alone? For the uninitiated, I am talking about a gang who’s always wanted to recruit me for some reason. They were a strong but powerful group, and could pound me and my friends into pieces.

I guess I shouldn’t have stayed in my thoughts. Unbeknownst to me, I stopped running when I started thinking about the people chasing me. When I had finally realised, it was too late. I was punched out of consciousness. For now.

---

OOC Note: this is a series showing the lives of the squad if they hadn’t become footballers.

[Mriin]

Context RP

---

Some time ago...

Pirate Atoll—a small island located in the stretch of ocean betwixt Mriin, the Jovannic’s outlying islands, and the Euran’s maritime claims—is not a popular tourist attraction. Nor is it actually an atoll! The company that bought it simply thought that'd be a snappier title than "isle," especially as "bay" and "cove" were even less accurate descriptors. Historic corsair hideaways are a dime a dozen in the waters around Mriin and up through the Crystilakere Channel; it's almost impressive that they managed to find a rock that had zero evidence of ever being graced by a rogue dinghy. But that wouldn't stop them from digging a little mine shaft, hanging up a few props, and calling it a day.

There's far too little traffic to keep any staff permanently aboard, so it’s entirely on that day’s tour guide who meets the group at the harbour of departure to read up on the talking points. Today that duty fell on Janalai Contraar. A student at Hosingr’s University of Arcwelding, they had gotten themselves into some hot water vis-a-vis sports gambling arrears (that bet that the MNL would remain a functional organization throughout the cycle was supposed to be a slam dunk!) and now found themselves sailing the high waters trying to make amends. “Sailing” in this context naturally means keeping Delaclav tourists and city-slickers who’d never left a five-block radius of their Maal apartment from heaving their lunch overboard.

But today? Things felt a little different. They couldn’t quite place it, but Janalai was sure the group they met at one of Reyn’s derelict piers weren’t no ordinary tourists. One was a dragon for chrissake! Unfortunately, they’d always been terrible at telling dragons apart. But which one it was didn’t particularly matter as long as they were paying.

---

Several minutes prior, on said pier...

Don Mizzet—notable as the University of Alchemy’s Dean of External Affairs, Head of Medicinal Studies, Chair of the Board, Athletic Coordinator, Alumni Exemplar, Community Outreach Commander, and Vicelich, as well as former Mrii national team manager and founding member of the Mrii National League council—sighed as they waited outside one of his crony’s boat shacks. “I told you getting mixed up with those Tequiloa bootmakers would be nothing but trouble.”

Jezebel Cotler, owner of AFC Hosingr and near-WCC President Nominee-To-Be, fumed. “We were forced to stoop this low and only now you decide it’s time to start laying blame? Mister open a ‘film’ studio that violates dozens of international sapient rights laws just to pander to the Quebecois market?”

“At least I actually had an fallout plan prepared,” the dragon snorted, releasing a puff of smoke. “I actually can’t believe you thought you could just hop on a yacht and sail to Northwest Kalactin and be off scot-free.”

“It’s an anarchy! Who the fuck is going to persecute me there?”

“I don’t know, maybe the Quebecois military that are looking to build a base there? Extradition is a thing.”

“...fuck, I need to pay more attention to regional news.”

“Will you cats stop clawing at each other for one fucking second?” Vicky Lavoi—owner of the Maal Angels, and the third of three founding MNL council members present—pointed down the well-worn road back towards Reyn’s city center. “Looks like our guide has arrived.”

“Heya! Are you folks the ones fancyin’ a voyage to Pirate Atoll today?” Janalai kept a brazen smile on, despite their quick glances to the rusted windows that surrounded the group.

Vicky stepped forward, slightly adjusting her sunhat. “Aye, that’d be us! We’re rearing to get going, if you’re ready.”

“Oh—sure! Well, uh, first let me introduce myself. I’ll be your intrepid helmsman, Cap’n Janalai! And I hope you’re all ready for a boatload of fun!” The other three stifled a groan. “I know, I know, but it’s in my contract that I have to say it at least once. Now, roll call mateys! What will I be callin’ ya today?”

“Saandra,” said Vicky.

“I’m Kaara,” said Jezebel.

“And me oarsmen call be Ahab on fine sailin’ days like today,” drawled Don. Jez had a hard time choking back a laugh.

“A dragon at home on a boat, you say?” Janalai cocked a brow. “I’d say that’s a strange sighting, but so is a group of sightseers in Reyn.”

“Oh, we’re actually from Vidial,” Vicky chuckled, “the site just let us book for a fraction of a price leaving from here. Even adding in the train ticket!”

“Hah, fair enough. I was never great at finagling those systems, good on you for getting a deal; I get paid the same either way. Let’s get going, then—I think I see our fair ship just over yonder!”

---

More recently, but still some time ago…

Haven’s press room was more crowded than it had ever been throughout its history as the MNL’s favored press conference locale. Despite the newer downtown stadium Kapytaal having an ostensibly larger, better equipped, and more comfortable confines becoming available as of World Cup 85, Haven remained the de facto choice thanks to its convenient location just across the alley from MNL HQ. And lord knows the MNL would make any decision that made their jobs slightly easier.

But said HQ and most of the neighborhood around it was a ghost town at the moment. Cordoned off by official parliament task forces to preserve evidence and allow as incisive an investigation as possible. Tailtiu Brennan, her staff, and the enormous gaggle of reporters were escorted in progressively over the course of a very long day to take these seats. Why didn’t they move this particular conference to Kapytaal, now that the MNL council wasn’t even present to influence such a decision? Inertia, as best as anyone could guess. Nobody was sure who’s call it’d be to make so the default option took precedence.

“Alright everyone,” Tailtiu began, “settle down so we can get over with this. Looks like we’ve got a flight to Cassadaigua to prepare for. Leeeet’s... start with you.”

“Any news on the current whereabouts of the MNL leadership?”

“Now why in the multiverse do you think they’d tell me that? I’ve only gotten cryptic pseudo-instructions from burner phone numbers I suspect are actually them. I’ve got no idea where they’ve fucked off to.”

“How are you feeling knowing that you’ll be out of a job at the end of the cycle?”

“Not fucking great! I thought I had great job security here—y’all are so much less bloodthirsty about managers than other big World Cup nations. When it looked like we were at risk of missing out, I got Twiis consoling me that we’d played well, and wishing us better luck next time if the other teams got through by playing better. It’s insane that I could be at the helm of a nine-cycle qualification streak breaking and not have the fans baying for my head. Thank you to all the Reavers faithful—sincerely. Working for you was everything working for the MNL wasn’t.”

“Does knowing your fate is… well, sealed, for lack of a better term, affect how you’re going to approach this Cup of Harmony?”

“No, it won’t. I’d still like to end on a relative high, and a qualifying performance that would have seen us top several other groups doesn’t make me think a last-minute tactical shakeup is necessary. We’re taking it one match at a time. It’s all we can do, at this point.”

“Who do you think is the biggest threat in Group J?”

“Well, if that ain’t a loaded question. They’re all threats. Always will be at this level. Obviously Huayramarca is the biggest threat on paper, the next-highest ranked team who’ve been marked with a lot of potential these past few cycles. And the history between Garifunya and the Reavers has been drilled into me well at this point: Matchday 8, only three games into Mriin’s first Unofficial World Championship defense. Garifunya wins at home three-two. Only slightly less embarrassing than dropping the belt again to Cosneolta on that qualifier’s final matchday. I don’t know if that really qualifies as ‘bad blood,’ since people only started paying attention to the UWC like last cycle—but I know you talking heads will bring it up either way.”

“How about Ibixa, then? They’re ranked one-hundred and eighty-seventh—do you consider them a threat as well?”

“We’ve got three matches to play. There’s no wiggle room. If they’re putting at least twenty-two legs on that pitch, I’m treating them as a threat and we’re bringing our full forces to bear. And I’m not caught up on whatever intra-regional politics caused Krytenia to spawn a southerly mini-me, before you ask. I don’t know why that sort of thing keeps coming up in footballing circles.”

“How is player morale holding up in the face of ~current events~?”

“The locker room has really come together in our time of need. I was ready to kick some ass into gear if someone decided to get mopey, but thankfully it doesn’t seem required—yet.”

---

On the way to Pirate Atoll…

“Oh, holy shit!” Janalai popped out of their seat, before latching onto Vicky to regain her balance since that was a bad idea on a moving boat. “Oh fuck, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said with a wary glance at the guide’s phone. “What… caused that reaction?”

“Oh! So uh, Skorji Oslograd just got announced as Eura’s new manager. And I had thrown ten scales on that for shits and giggles! The odds were super low, which means I’ve probably got enough money for this to be my last trip of the summer!”

Don looked over and let out a puff of smoke. “Huh. They’re really that desperate.”

[Bluecliff]

AFSPFFFL - ASSOCIATION OF FANS, SUPPORTERS, AND PARTISANS OF THE FOURTEEN FREE FOOTBALL LEAGUES

ATTN:
Princess Cadance of the Equestrian States, President of the World Cup Committee
Adama Sowe of Banija, President-Elect of the World Cup Committee

RE: Shameless money and attention grab

Leadership of the World Cup Committee and all others concerned -

We see what you're playing at, and we are not amused.

Since we know the "World Cup Committee" is fully prepared to play dumb about its shameless, unconscionable, and probably illegal grabs for power, money, glory, and attention - a bit of context first.

We are the leaders of the supporters groups for the great and storied clubs playing in all Fourteen Free Football Leagues of Bluecliff. Recently, news that a shadowy consortium of The Worst Companies on Earth were in talks to create a Bluecliff Super League rocked the local footballing scene.

Not only is such a move a spit in the face, slap on the head, and shove in the chest to Bluecliff fans, it seems the "sell-out culture" has pervaded its way all the way to the rotten top of the footballing world.

You know, I'm sure, exactly what we're talking about - it's your organization, after all, that recently sent the Football Federation of the Fourteen Free Cities of the Bluecliff League an invitation to the "Cup of Harmony."

Unlike the perfectly acceptable preseason event that is the "Baptism of Fire," the Cup of Harmony is a ghoulish scheme cloaked in the dastardly guise of a meaningless consolation tournament for losers; and Eura.

You can surely see what we're getting at by now.

The Cup of Harmony purports to be a tournament for those who failed to achieve qualification to the World Cup. A sort of "second-tier" competition. Perfectly reasonable.
The World Cup purports to be a tournament for those who achieved qualification to the World Cup. A "first-tier" tournament. Equally reasonable.
The Cup of Harmony this time around is twice the World Cup's size. A welcome measure.
The top two teams in each group of each tournament advance. This splits each field into manageable, sixteen-team chunks.

Here is where the false veneer of innocence begins to crumble away from your disgusting scam!

WORLD CUP GROUPS TOP TWO = A TOP FLIGHT OF SIXTEEN TEAMS.
WORLD CUP GROUPS BOTTOM TWO = A SECOND FLIGHT OF SIXTEEN TEAMS.
CUP OF HARMONY GROUPS TOP TWO = TWO PARALLEL THIRD FLIGHTS OF SIXTEEN TEAMS.
CUP OF HARMONY GROUPS BOTTOM TWO = TWO PARALLEL FOURTH FLIGHTS OF SIXTEEN TEAMS.

The WORLD CUP COMMITTEE is creating a SUPER LEAGUE before our very EYES.

If we in Bluecliff weren't dealing with our own shameless effort to milk all the money, power, and paperwork possible out of the game here at home, we may not have cottoned on to the World Cup Committee's efforts to do the same to the entirety of the multiverse. We have furnished every member of the WCC with a copy of this letter, so that that body may discuss how to proceed now that the facts are out in the open.

We are committed to reactively working with you on this, and hope your prompt reply contains something in it that can be twisted out of context.

Cordially,

AFSPFFFL Executive Steering Committee Leadership Panel

P.S. Once the deed is done and the deal is inked, royalty payments may be made by cheque or money order. Thank you for including the Bluecliff League in the destruction of football.

[Omerica]

blogdefootball.co.or
All the football news that’s fit to print!

---

CoH79 group preview: No, Hebitaka, Jean-François Fernand is not an Omerica starter
By Anastasia Saint-Martin

That was a completely forgettable playoff as we expected it to be. Poafmersia pummelled and pumped the pitifully pathetic Incorrigibles to advance to their first World Cup finals and deserve all the plaudits for that achievement.

So normally, this is the point where we would express some kind of optimism for the Cup of Harmony, but not this time. The historical record simply does not justify it: Omerica have advanced to the knockout stage just five times in eleven attempts and have won a grand total of four knockout games out of nine. Worse yet, the tournament in Cassadaigua and Northwest Kalactin will be packed to the brim with powerhouses like Eura, Mriin, Reçueçn, Newmanistan and Huelavia, as well as other competitive sides like Kandorith, Mercedini, Krytenia, Tequilo, Graintfjall and Yuezhou. The chance of merely getting to the last sixteen will be an absolute crapshoot, dependent on avoiding the crème-de-la-crème and overpowering another aspiring nation. Just advancing to the knockout stage is the minimum bar we can realistically set for this Cup of Harmony and even failing to get over that is a perfectly plausible outcome.

Omerica will be among the top seeds for the Cup of Harmony, meaning that Alexis Stephanidis’s near-total impotence against top-tier opposition—the Incorrigibles have only once defeated a higher-ranked team in the last two World Cup cycles—will not be a factor in a tantalising group stage. And as one of the weakest top seeds, Omerica drew a group that promises to be as intriguing as possible, containing three highly promising newcomers to the World Cup Committee scene who will all be .

The Incorrigibles will kick off their umpteenth appearance at the Cup of Harmony in Starksville against the weakest of their opposition: Hebitaka (5–5–8; 15 GF, 26 GA). Alumni of the most recent Baptism of Fire, Hebitaka made it to the last sixteen before going out to noted burning rubbish skip United Pink States and went on to finished sixth in an admittedly stacked Group 17. There they finished some distance behind Zeta Reka and We Need a Shorter Name, but did record valiant draws against Vilita and Tequilo along the way. Given the circumstances, their performances ought not be discounted out of hand, especially as this is the Cup of Harmony, where anything can and does happen. They will be sorely disappointed to learn that Jean-François Fernand will be on the bench behind Omerica’s real star Alexis Chrysanthos, though.

Then, Incorrigibles manager Alexis Stephanidis has made no secret that Squidroidia (11–1–6; 48 GF, 33 GA) is the side she most looks forward to facing. The world first got a glimpse of the Inklings at IAC X, where they were one of the tournament’s two surprise semifinalists, and the 73rd Baptism of Fire. Finishing third at both tournaments and placing fifth and fourth in their two World Cup qualifying campaigns, Squidroidia are rising stars of international football and will hope that an upset against the Incorrigibles in Rutland will stamp the Inklings’ mark on the global game. And It should be noted that Stephanidis’s feelings are completely mutual: Squidroidians most wanted be in Omerica’s group ever since the farce at IAC 11, where Squidroidia were one of the nations that the Omerican Professional Footballers Association slighted by refusing to fly out to Havynwilde. An Omerica win would just add injury to insult, so you can guarantee that Squidroidia will do everything in their power to avoid that.

Finally, Omerica face a surprise revelation from the most recent Baptism of Fire in the Cassadaiguan capital of Concord Heights. Fellow gallophone nation Saint-Domingue (9–3–6; 35 GF, 24 GA) have had a fantastic start to Committee football life. Saint-Domingue gave Savojarna, Zwangzug, Abanhfleft and fellow surprise contenders Netop a run for their money: Saint Domingue nicked a point off eventual group winners Savojarna, conclusively beat Zwangzug at home and took four points off the Revolutionaries on their way to a fourth-place finish. If any nation in this group is capable of fashioning a surprise, it will be the Avengers. If Omerica are going into this match needing a result, it will likely end up like the game against Geisenfried in CoH 72: a disappointment.

After the group stage, progression is far less assured, as the likes of Kandorith and Mriin potentially lie in wait in the next two rounds. But before we can even roll the dice and hopefully defy the will of Bridget Kilkenny, we must make it out of the group. On paper, Omerica should have no trouble doing that, but football is famously not played on paper. Nothing is guaranteed, everything must be earned and that is honestly for the best. Now we wait and see how quickly the Incorrigibles will be returning to the Christiana Stephen Reading Memorial Airport. ◇

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Other Football News:
• Cup of Harmony 79 preview: S K O R J I B A L L, or This Is Eura’s Tournament and We’re All Just Playing In It
• IFCF: Raynor City United officially tie Yuba United’s record six world club championships at the Stade de la République
• IAC 12: URSF Congress delegates agree to delay any possible “Omexit” until after after the next Indie Championship

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Uniting Omerican sport fans across the United Republics — blogdefootball: a proud member of the Gryphon Pride network

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United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
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UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA

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Omerica v Hebitaka
Cup of Harmony 79 group stage — Matchday One
Cocoa-bo Stadium, Starksville, Cassadaigua
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Alexandra McGuire; Alphonse Notley, Anna Charles, Justin Thyme, Sacha Sepulveda (captain); Maxime Fournier, Fearchar Mac Cléirich, Nadiya al-Hashim; Jessie Beckett, Alexis Chrysanthos, Jamal Ahmad
Substitutes: Valentine Augustin, Antoine Vicario; Frédérique Marquetti, Jacques Laurent, Raphaël Martin, Felix Zanetti; Alphonse Fontaine, Paige Boyce, Christian Marts; Jean-François Fernand, Malcolm Beauchesne, Adélaïde Argyris

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[Recuecn]

The Reçuecians had never been to Cassadaigua before, but they had been to Rushmore, so they knew what to expect in terms of travel distance. Upon disembarkation, however, things felt a little bit different. Most things were about the same, but there was this looming feeling that things were upside-down, somehow, a difference you couldn't put your finger on instantly if you weren't familiar with Cassdaiguan culture. It gave a bit of an eerie feeling.

Les licornes didn't have time to worry about any of that. Their first game was scheduled to be their toughest, and they wasted no time getting ready for it. There were only a couple days before the kickoff, but them spent them entirely on the training field. The evenings too were consecrated to their goal, spent watching and rewatching videos of themselves and the Electrons Electrumites. Tremblay was constantly rushing about, always busy with something. He would stop a player to speak to them for just a minute before excusing himself and moving on, then returning later, giving the impression that he was somehow always present yet never around.

"He doesn't want us to think about him leaving," Gerauld said to Franky when they both happened to be alone on the sidelines together for a moment. "He's making sure we feel like he's spending time with us, without actually being with anyone long enough to give them time to start thinking about his departure or start asking about it."

"I thought he would bring up his retirement all the time," said Franky. "I thought it was all just to motivate us in the first place."

Yet Tremblay, now that he had made his decision, seemed to be just as scared of the approaching deadline as the rest of the team. He had more energy than ever before, but wherever he went he carried a frantic aura, a halo of anxiety. It was as if behind him there followed a ghost, holding a clock over his head and pointing to it menacingly. All Tremblay could do to keep the ghost at bay was run a little faster, make his speeches a little more invigorating, and train his players a little harder. He was distracting himself with his work.

Even for the players, utterly swamped with drills, workouts, scrimmages, and training sessions, it was impossible to keep the upcoming retirement out of their minds forever. The thought would occur to them when they least expected it. Emanuele, the sweeper, was pulling on his socks in the locker-room when he remarked to no one in particular, "Can you believe that at max we have eight more games with Coach? Maybe only three? Eight!" Relié, the assistant coach, would be seen jotting down notes on the most basic things Tremblay did, things he had never remarked upon before. Ägidius, 'paraclete' (which meant his duties overlapped significantly with the team counselor), would open interviews asking what was stressing players out, and lost track of the number of times he was told "you know, now that I think about it, Coach's retirement has really been hanging over me..." It was certainly a strange atmosphere pervading the team.

Yet one would hesitate to say morale suffered. The players worked harder than ever in training, encouraging each other as they worked and afterward. They smiled during press conferences and posted videos on social media of them dancing in the locker room. Things were different, but it didn't mean things were bad, and this was their final chance to prove themselves and to prove that their recent run of results had only been a fluke.

The Electrumites were waiting for them when it was finally time to march out onto the pitch and play their first game - their first game since failing qualification for the world cup for the first time since they'd come back. They had never played Electrum before, and this would be a new challenge. But this was about more than kicking Electrum's butt. This was about proving that Reçueçn still had it, that even with things falling apart, there was still a way forward - a way to victory.

[Northwest Kalactin]

Cup of Harmony 79- Matchday 1, Groups I-P
Group I
San Ortelio 2–1 Jeruselem
Netop 0–1 Xanneria

  Group I                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 San Ortelio                    1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
2 Xanneria                       1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 Jeruselem                      1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0
4 Netop                          1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0

Group J
Mriin 1–0 Huayramarca
Ibixa 4–4 Garifunya

  Group J                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Mriin                          1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
2 Garifunya                      1   0  1  0    4   4   0    1
  Ibixa                          1   0  1  0    4   4   0    1
4 Huayramarca                    1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0

Group K
Bluecliff League 5–4 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom
Kandorith 2–1 Saltstead

  Group K                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Bluecliff League               1   1  0  0    5   4  +1    3
2 Kandorith                      1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
3 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom      1   0  0  1    4   5  −1    0
4 Saltstead                      1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

Group L
Squidroidia 0–1 Saint-Domingue
Omerica 1–1 Hebitaka

  Group L                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Saint-Domingue                 1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
2 Hebitaka                       1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
  Omerica                        1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
4 Squidroidia                    1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0

Group M
Wreckeria 1–1 Abanhfleft
Darmen 3–4 Barunia

  Group M                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Barunia                        1   1  0  0    4   3  +1    3
2 Abanhfleft                     1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
  Wreckeria                      1   0  1  0    1   1   0    1
4 Darmen                         1   0  0  1    3   4  −1    0

Group N
Euran Oceanic Territories 0–0 South Covello
North Japan 3–5 HUElavia

  Group N                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 HUElavia                       1   1  0  0    5   3  +2    3
2 Euran Oceanic Territories      1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
  South Covello                  1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
4 North Japan                    1   0  0  1    3   5  −2    0

Group O
Balqia 5–3 Gyatso-Kai
Electrum 1–0 Recuecn

 

  Group O                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Balqia                         1   1  0  0    5   3  +2    3
2 Electrum                       1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 Recuecn                        1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 Gyatso-Kai                     1   0  0  1    3   5  −2    0

Group P
Busoga Islands 0–2 Twicetagria
Mapletish 2–3 Sargossa

 

  Group P                      Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Twicetagria                    1   1  0  0    2   0  +2    3
2 Sargossa                       1   1  0  0    3   2  +1    3
3 Mapletish                      1   0  0  1    2   3  −1    0
4 Busoga Islands                 1   0  0  1    0   2  −2    0

[Murphtannia]

Draw not the best start, but also not the worst.




Going into this first game it was very much an indicator of where Murphtannia were compared to their fellow group members. Many saw Juvencus as Murphtannia’s best chance for points, so they would be disappointed with the draw.

However many see Murphtannia as underdogs still, and the fact we at least have a point is enough for them. Personally I think the performance was excellent, we battled for every ball, never stopped running all day, but what cost us in the end was mistakes, Pallet switching off for those 3 seconds allowed substitute Matias Nespoli to get 1 on 1 with the keeper and put Juvencus in the lead. With only half an hour left of the game it took several brilliant saves from Ball to keep Murphtannia in the game, until in the 79th minute Saunders went out to the left, whipped in a ball for Murphy to head home for his first CoH goal this season.

The draw was earned, both sides played well and gave a good account of themselves, and I feel that if Murphtannia can keep these performances up, and Murphy and the coaching staff can manage to get the mistakes out of the team, then Murphtannia has a chance to progress out of the group stages for the first ever time, although the massive skill gap between Murphtannia and the other team in the group is something that will have to be addressed.

The fans were brilliant as normal, both Juvencus fans and Murphtannia fans worked together (well against each other) to create one hell of an atmosphere, I could barely hear myself think, so it’s nice to know that the team do in fact have the support of fans, who have travelled all this way to support their team, even if it is likely we won’t win a game.

Overall a decent start, not the victory many were hoping would help us push on, but not a demoralising defeat that leaves us crushed, a hard fought draw to let the Blouman Empire and Flavovespia know that we aren’t here to be pushed around.

This was Anthony Heckleson, Murphtannia Daily.

[Indusse]

IFA NEWS NETWORK
Bad Start

Group A
Valladares 2–1 Northwest Kalactin
Indusse 2–3 Frestovenia

Group A                        Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Frestovenia                      1   1  0  0    3   2  +1    3
2 Valladares                       1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
3 Indusse                          1   0  0  1    2   3  −1    0
4 Northwest Kalactin               1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

That was it, what everyone feared of! Indusse loses to Frestovenia in the first matchday of the seventy-ninth Cup of Harmony Tournament in Cassadaigua and Northwest Kalactin. The match was won by Frestovenia for a score of three against two, which was indeed a close match. The game started occasionally and Indusse was showing the majority of possession in the game. Counterattacks, Marvelous Shots and Tackles were presented by the indussean players and the major possession continued till the end. In the twenty-fourth minute of the game, Indusse scored the first-ever goal of the match, Baskar H Kumar sprinted from the eastern end and passed the ball to Mersias, Mersias took in the ball and smashed it inside the post. Yeah!! It is the goal! The game went the same till the end of the first half, Indusse leads the match for a score of one against none. The second half starts, everyone is waiting for the next goal and within a minute came the equilizer from Frestovenia, the goal was a header from one of their hairy team mates. No one expected that goal other than who all were present in the stadium. The game continued and Frestovenia still was having the possession in the game, the stats showed that Frestovenia had a seventy four percent possession over Indusse. In the sixty eighth minute, they scored their next goal. A goal which came from the free kick caused by a unwanted tackle from Budtedjson. It was a clear goal and yes, they are up for the lead. The game continued again, This time in the eighty sixth minute Mersiás sprinted forward with the ball and suddenly turned out to be active than before, he switched the ball to Bechun Butea who was just beside him and Bechun kicks it in. Indusse two-two Frestovenia. The game was in a draw stage but suddenly, in the eighty eighth minute! What happened? Frestovenia scored their winning goal. A header from their key player which used up the key to victory. Frestovenia 3-2 Indusse.

---

The Gaspillage Adventures
Continued..

....The brightness of the Mysterious light caused his eyes go blank. He couldn't see anything until the lights werw turned off from its source. "What was it?!" he thought. Suddenly, he saw something, something that he had seen somewhere, it was weird! He wasn't able to remember from where he did see those. Those things were moving, they live! They are some creature! There were two of them inside the cupsaucer. They looked dirty, maybe because the color which they had wasn't that of the people around him. Suddenly Donald thought of something, a sudden shock happened. "ET...." he heard a inner voice talking. He shouted "Aliens!! ETs!!" and all his playmates ran away in fear. The Creatures came near, Donald stepped back still it approached him
it came near so, near that Donald wasn't able to move a inch. They had a nice fragrance which didn't have any concerns with their color. They said "Lumbi Lumbi Hou Hou, Ziko-kaba Hou Hou", Donald was disappointed, what are these things speaking? He couldn't understand a word. While, Donald looked disappointed, one of those creatures started shouting at the other and they clicked a button on their suit. A green color emerged and something had happened. Now, it was clear the creatures started to speak the same language that Donald knows. "Hello, which planet is this? Is this the Terara? I mean the Earth?" asked the aliens. Donald shook his head. The Aliens continued "We are from the NKG Forces, that is NATO Kaba Greaves Forces. We belong to the far planets or Lumbi and NATO. Lumbinato is a union of planets which consists of the two planets. We look alike, with a small difference. We eat Kshawon or Chavo which is the same. It is densely founded in this planet they say." "But, why are you here now?" asks Donald and another alien emerged from the saucer. They can more closer and spoke "Will we get Chavo here?!"

To be continued...

[San Ortelio]

“Welcome back for the second part of Il Primo tra Cento and with us, we still have Pasquale Pino!”

For the viewers at home, there have been commercials for cars, insurance companies and that strange cheese-in-a-tube company that seems to be a bizarre marketing stunt to get rid of a glue production surplus. For Pasquale Pino, still seated in the large throne in the middle of the studio, there were small retouches from the make up artist. For the contestants, there were a few scripted jokes – they still laughed, but the production crew rolled their eyes for them right now. And for Vito Del Tonto, there was, in the privacy of his room, a brandy and a half. With phlegmatic steps, he walks into the audience and picks out a tall, bespectacled youngster.

“Gianpaolo, my friend, you opted for Rishie Smuggs on our previous question – are you sure about that one?”
“Not at all,” the kid admitted, “It’s a blind guess.”
“Aha! But blind guesses can deliver you a lot of cash in this show… As long as the light stays on. Let’s see if it does for Gianpaolo.”

There must be, as this show runs already in its second season, loyal watchers who have already discovered the pattern that if and when Vito walks up to someone after the replies, that it doesn’t bode well. It’s a sardonic side to the presenter who secretly hopes that they’ll be one hundred percent assured of their answer before seeing it all crumbling apart. Only in the latter stages, he picks out those shuffling over their chair, unsure yet correct – Vito is a tradesman, an experienced fellow and he knows that a laugh and a tear get every show going, even this quiz.

“The correct answer was… C! The wealthy Stan Epstein was brought down by Orlando Castorani. I must say, Pasquale, at that point, I thought the game was over before it had really started.”
“We knew it was a setback – but nothing more. We had delivered good games against teams like Jeruselem before, it was just a matter of keeping those attacks sharp and dangerous – and within ten minutes we were back in it.”
“Indeed,” Vito picked it up, “we could have asked the goal scorers of this historical bout but I’m sure that all of you at home, let alone our contestants, would remember the crucial header from Diego Buglia and the decisive strike from Carmine Garofalo: 2-1 at the break. The atmosphere at tea-time must have been completely different, Pasquale?”
“Of course. At first, playing in a monumental place such as the Dagan Airways Stadium had been humbling us, made us feel small. But now it was as if everyone was behind us, we knew that there was no one or nothing getting through our defensive line.”
“What a victory, indeed – and talking about victory, it seems only 29 people still have a chance to feel that taste of winning tonight! And that one lucky competitor might walk home with millions of lira, but at the moment there is 77450 in the pot!”

Everything seemed to run fluid now for Vito and after politely thanking Pasquale for his presence in the show, he made his way to an older gentleman.

“Dear viewers, we sometimes get the question – 'how old do I need to be to partake in Il Primo tra Cento' and usually that means we have to disappoint a teenager. But a few weeks back, our production team got the same question but with a totally different meaning… Adelberto, welcome to our episode tonight!”
“Thank you, thank you, Vito,” comes the calm reply. His voice is soft, nearly fragile but very clear.
“Adelberto, can you tell us how old you are?”
“I will be turning eighty-one next month a-“
“Eighty-one! Ladies and gentlemen, please give him a warm applause!”

Adelberto tries not to mind that Vito cut him short and smiles politely into the camera.

“Adelberto, you’ve made it this far, navigated past the first four questions. Do you see yourself winning?”
“Well, it was quite easy so far – I had expected something more like the Netopian left-backs used during qualifying or the like. Then again, my memory is not what it used to be anymore.”
“But you’re a huge fan, if I hear you correctly?” Vito pries.
“If you’ve got time in abundance, it’s not hard to be watch a lot of games – I think I’ve seen almost all of the Cup of Harmony.”
“All? Of a sixty-four team tournament?”
“Well, from a few the highlig-“
“In that case, Adelberto,” Vito drones on, “you might be a candidate for the victory. What would you do with the money?”
“Ehm…”

Somewhere down the stairs, out of screen, a production assistant gives a little nod. Those in the know will notice a flickering in Vito’s eyes – nearly every contestant he spoke so far gave the wrong answer, let’s hope this old fool still recalls what he told before the episode.

“Ehm… I’ll take my grandson to the next World Cup finals.”
“What a beautiful purpose, Adelberto, I can only hope it may occur! But for that, you’ll have to answer the next question correctly,” Vito says before turning to the camera, “The Cup of Harmony and the World Cup are organized by the WCC, the World Cup Committee, a powerful organization in the footballing landscape. But who is the current president of the committee? The four options are: Jeremy J-“
“Princess Cadance.”

Adelberto says it without little aplomb, nearly to himself, but loud enough for the cameras to pick it up.

“I beg your pardon,” Vito answers, slightly stunted.
“Princess… Oh,”
“CUT!” Evita yells through the studio.
“Of for f’s sake,” Vito sighs, having the experience to know the razor sharp cut-off between on- and off-air. “How hard can it be?”
“Mister Adelberto, you must understand that we cannot have contestants shouting the reply.”
“My apologies,” follows, added with a little bow.
“I’m very sorry but we must exclude you from the program, it’s against the rules and…”

Immediately, there is protest and a few participants rise from their seat. Whilst Evita waves her papers around, they start to revolt. One guy with the build of a woodcutter stampedes with large steps to the producer, shoving aside an assistant who replies with a punch. Suddenly there’s shouting and pushing and… Just when things start to fall apart, Adelberto gets up from his seat, slowly but with a majestic flair.

“Miss the producer is right – so there is no need to use violence or dirty words. I have made a mistake and that’s what it is. It is unfortunate but these are the rules.”

And he picks the cane from underneath his seat and slowly walks away. There is some astonishment, but it does cool down the heated spirits at once. Within minutes, everyone is back in their seat and the crowd warmer Paolo gets the atmosphere back where it needs to be with some self-referential jokes. In a corner, Vito and Evita look at it.

“After all those episodes, I don’t think I’ve heard one original joke from Paolo,” Vito nags, visibly still annoyed over the show getting out of hand.
“As long as they like it, I don’t care if he’s crap,” Evita murmurs, trying to ignore her sulking star. She’s still leafing through the rules, “I can’t get him back on, if a contestant complains afterwards, we’re toast. It’s the rulebook and-“
“Of course. With some decent editing we can leave in the ‘grandson’ bit and then we just move on and keep him out of the picture.”
“But,” Evita tries, “he did make good-“
“There’s 29 left for good television, sod him,” Vito replies, bluntly. “Well, not for long. Give them a hard question, a really hard one – I don’t feel like a long show tonight.”

And with these words, he walks away, leaving a frustrated Evita behind – again. She knows Vito’s will is law. If it isn’t for his popularity with the audience then it is for the strings he pulls with the management but… She hesitates for a second but then gives in.

“And so, we’re to our next question!” Vito exclaims once the cameras roll, as if nothing had happened. “The Cup of Harmony bring together competitors from across the multiverse but there are a lot of nations from just around the corner gathered. How many Rushmore sides qualified for the second tier tournament? Evita! The clock!”

It came with a little less charm than usual – and not because he anticipated a ton of mails from pedantic viewers pointing out that one got invited to the Cup and didn’t qualify.

---< A – Nine              >------< C – Eleven            >---
---< B – Ten               >------< D – Twelve            >---

In itself, it’s not the hardest question ever. If you had time, you could carefully scan the list of participants and pick out those with the right location – at least, Vito hoped the intern had done a proper job this time. There was no need to be reminded of the debacle when a question inferred that there had been forty-one governments since the bicameral change and it appeared that one had been skipped accidentally, costing some poor souls the chance of a few million quid.

“We stand here next to Luigi, tell us, how many did you count?”
“Pff… It was difficult in just seven seconds,” a man who clearly had picked out his best shirt and blazer after his mum insisted ’It’s on television, honey’. “I started with Graintfjall, Mytannia, Yuezhou, Mapletish, Darmen and then the time was almost up so I just doubled it… Ten?”
“Ten, ok… Can you add some, Elina,” Vito turned to the next chair.
“I had Mavinet in mind as well, Valladares, Sargossa, Electrum of course…” a woman with notably colored hair added.
“And us!” Luigi shouted cheerfully, “that’s ten! That’s ten!”
“Aaaand…” Vito spoke with a big grin, waving to the audience with a grand gesture to have a shouted addition.
“Eura!” a few replied.
“Oh, f-… Ehm. Fudge,” Luigi fell of cloud nine. “Eura, right. It’s so absurd they’re here.”

With a little tab to the lamp above his head, Vito bathed him in the red hue at once.

“Luigi is already eliminated, so let’s see who else struggled to count to more than ten!”

At once, a bunch of lights went out – literally and proverbially. Only six chairs still had the bright, white studio spots. Elina, the woman with the colored hair had made it, as did a man in his thirties next to her – a guy that looked like a sales agent. Two steps higher, a young lad, barely old enough to partake still was in. At the other side of the audience, there were three white lights left as well. The camera shortly scanned them: a stocky man in his fifties whose face had the uncanny resemblance of a mouse – immediately nicknaming him as Topolino in Vito’s mind -, the man who had punched the production assistant and – a bit to Vito’s surprise – Erica.

“Only six people left but… That also means there is already over 240 thousand lira to earn!”

There was a slight hesitation in his step on who to talk to next. He didn’t like the sales agent for probably not stopping his reply when asked a question, whilst Topolino might not even get started and as such, he paced towards the man with the woodcutter build.

“Pietro – that was a tough question… Was it a guess for you as well?”
“I’m a geography teacher,” came the swift reply. He had the low voice which went with the large frame and cut off the last syllable of each word, giving away to the viewers immediately that he had to be from the eastern part of the country.
"If you would win, Pietro, what would you do with the money?"
"I think," he calmly replied, keeping his eye on Vito, "that I would travel to the World Cup along with a good friend and his grandson."
“Can I guess,” Vito tried to shift the subject at once - he knows the ropes - and pointed to the flashy orange, tightly fitted shirt from the man, “that you are a Nottori fan?”
“I need a bit more cheer in my life than that,” Pietro answered swiftly, smiling a little for the first time since the incident – never let a good opportunity to mock league trailers go to waste. Up close with the camera on his wide neck, he looked as if he could snap the monitor for the answers in half with ease.
“But definitely a Spadi fan?” Vito recovered quickly – knowing very well that the answer could only be ‘yes’. Apart from patriotic obligations and the team doing well enough to have the crowd behind them, there was no saying no to the question if you supported your national side. A quick nod confirmed that and Vito continued, “So I hope you saw the second game of the Cup of Harmony.”

Characteristically, Vito turned to the camera which zoomed in on his face.

“The adversary, Netop, is known for a variety of reasons in the footballing world. One of them is the characteristic shirt numbers. A player with which of the following shirt numbers scored against San Ortelio? Evita! The clock!”

---< A – 123456            >------< C – 1.754             >---
---< B – 10a               >------< D – No Netopian scored>---

“Our six contestants have made their choice and I hope you at home as well. I see various answers, so will have to wave some of them goodbye. Who will leave and who will continue for the millions of lira, that will become clear… After the break!”

[Mapletish]

The Sour Kind
"I only know one thing, that is I know nothing"

Commentaries| Timothy Jozua

Mapletish 2–3 Sargossa: Rushmori neighbours outshines Dragons at the Winchester City Lottery Stadium

The Winchester City Lottery Stadium sits 59,000 and is the smallest stadium in Cassadaigua hosting the Cup of Harmony 79. However if luck and playing the lottery is central of the Dragons' chances in the Cup of Harmony then look no further than the opening match for the Dragons as they take on fellow Rushmori neighbours, Sargossa. The Dragons have history against Sargossa, The Dragons lost to the Corsairs 3-2 at the Copa Rushmori XX quarterfinals, the last time they met. The Corsairs would go on to win the Copa Rushmori for that edition. The Corsairs' head coach, Brian McAllister was first to come over to the Maplish side of the dugout as he initiated a handshake with Bernhard Floris. McAllister and Floris spent a few short minutes exchanging pleasantries as they looked on to the pitch where their players were warming up on. It looked like a reconciliation of old friends even though it was the first time, both head coaches have seen each other.

The Maplish players gathered at the dugout before they walked into the players' tunnels. Floris tried to make his pre-match pep talk work with a fiery speech, one can only guess how quirky the speech might be but the players were seen laughing and seemed a little relaxed as they walked into the players' tunnel. The Buio'Dzz lighted up the atmosphere at the Winchester City Lottery Stadium, as the traditional ritual was performed in Cassadaigua for the first time. Sargossa were first to make the attack against the Dragons in the 5th minute as Goyoso broke free from Sonnie's marking as the latter failed to track Goyoso's movement. Goyoso would go on to play a pass towards Varela who outgunned Singer who tried to cover the defensive space. Varela then slipped a pass towards Manzanares who went on to put a shot towards the bottom right corner of the goal against Meade. The scoreline favoured Sargossa 1-0.

The Dragons were quick to respond to the scoreline in the 18th minute. Elton snatched the ball away from Leguizamo in one of the Corsairs' attacking movements as the Dragons looked to begin their quick counter attack down the left flank through Elton. Elton managed a heavy body check over Leguizamo before snatching the ball away from the winger. Elton then took control of the ball and tried to link a long pass towards the on running Quin who attempted to get past Pomar who was trying to mark him. Another snap pass later towards Patrick saw Patrick attempting a powerful shot against Martinez. Martinez held onto the ball tightly.

The Corsairs were next to threaten the goal in the 27th minute. Cazalla took advantage of a misplaced pass between Bobbie and Quin as Cazalla started the Corsairs attack from the middle of the pitch. Cazalla would find Manzanares open in front of goal, which allowed the latter to pounce on the opportunity and unleashed a shot against the goal. This marked his second goal of the game as Dwight failed to cover the centre space well with Singer who went ahead to try and cut Manzanares off. The curling effort from the opposition forward went into the top right corner of the goal as Meade could only look as the shot sailed past his reach.

It was not for the Dragons' yet as they managed to get another opportunity on goal in the 35th minute. With just 10 minutes to go before the first half was up, the relaxed Dragons side who started the match looked a little beaten up and pressured as they were already two goals behind in the game. The Maplish defensive line sat a little higher up on the pitch and were beginning to press the Corsairs a little more intensively as they attempted to win any loose balls and to force errors from their opposition number. Their efforts paid off slightly as Bobbie managed to catch on to an error from the Corsairs at the left flank. Bobbie would attempt to bring the ball further out on the pitch as he attempted to beat the on running Marti who was trying to defend against him. Along the way Pomar attempted a double team. Bobbie released the pressure as he passed the ball towards Sonnie who attempted a quick pass towards Gauvain who put a long shot past Martinez in a snappy fashion, just 30 metres away from goal. The scoreline though, still skewed towards the Corsairs' favour, 2-1.

The rest of the first half remained in the Corsairs' favour as they dominated possession and the attacking initiative in the match and were close to scoring in the 39th minute, in a response that almost resulted in a goal for the Sargossa side. Fluid attacking play was what differentiated the Corsairs from the Dragons as the former were that much faster and that much aggressive with each of their offensive ventures. Cazalla was able to link up well with Varela from a build up play that starting from the backline passing by Dengra and Pomar before reaching the feet of Cazalla. Cazalla would sprint with the ball in an attempt to get past Tomomi and leaving the latter in his tracks, would feed the ball towards the on running Goyoso whose shot hit the finger tips on the right side diving Meade who parried the ball away much to the Fireykop's delight in the stands. The small Maplish supporters' contingent was crowded out by the majority Cassadagan crowd and the rest, the fans from Sargossa.

The half time break was sufficiently rejuvenating as the Dragons came back into the second half with the same line up. This time round, it was the Dragons who would take on the responsibility for starting the play. Although behind in terms of the scoreline, the Dragons were determined to get a result from this match as they attempted to mount an equaliser against the Rushmori heavyweights. The Dragons made heavy use of the midfield engine as the midfield 4 kept closed and passed within themselves. Quin was first to spot a gap in between Varela and Pomar in the 50th minute. He sort to get Gauvain to exploit that gap. Gauvain would go on to receive the ball from Quin in the earlier gap left by the Corsairs' pair and would go on to attack the goal himself. His long shot from 30 metres out caught centre backs Esnaider and Dengra by surprise as they thought Gauvain would come in a little closer as the pair sat deep and received him head on. Much to the Corsairs' relief, Martinez was able to hold onto that attempt on goal.

The Dragons would continue to chase the equalising goal and that came in the 56th minute. It was a through a left corner which was well played from Bobbie towards the head of Patrick who was dangerously left unmarked at the right corner of the box. Goyoso realised of the mistake too late as the ball got on to drop to the waist level of Patrick who attempted a strong volley past Martinez. The Dragons were up and were able to equalise 2-2.

The 65th minute was once again the Dragons' turn to shine as they got a direct free kick opportunity on the right side of the penalty box just 33 metres away from goal. Bobbie placed the ball habitually and in his calm and composed demanour, rotated his left ankle for a few times before counting his steps and walking back from the ball. The resulting run up was equally smooth and well executed which got him a good kick on the ball. However, the ball veered a little left and away from the goal as it hit the crossbar and away from the ball in what would be an excellent opportunity to take the lead from the dead ball situation.

The Dragons did not give up that easily and was able to play a good offensive build up play which was built straight away from a misplaced pass between Varela and Pomar in the 74th minute. It was caught onto by Quinn who was able to cross the ball towards Gauvain. Gauvain who had his jump readily timed made contact with the ball and headed it towards the goal as he stood ready in the penalty box. The ball was not fated to be in goal as it hit the crossbar and deflect out of the pitch for a goal kick. It was an amusing attempt to keep the Corsairs' on their toes as the Dragons searched for the goal to take the lead.

The 84th minute was the magic number for the Corsairs as that was the time, they took the lead and eventually won the game, as the Dragons faced a 0-2 record against the Corsairs. The Corsairs stuck to their physical play, which was a rendition of the SuperLiga in Sargossa which can get physical upon contact on and off the ball. As the Corsairs began their attack, the Dragons went forward to press and the players rubbed shoulders with each other in a physical one to one encounter between Cazalla and Tomomi as Tomomi attempted to win the ball cleanly against Cazalla. Cazalla stomped onto Tomomi's foot by accident and was able to leapt ahead of the right midfielder. Cazalla would then unleashed a scrumptious cross towards Verela who was lurking in the penalty area and the resulting shot sealed the game for the Crosairs.

The defeat meant the Dragons only have two games left to make a mark in the Cup of Harmony after 13 editions since they last appeared in the Cup of Harmony and to take the opportunity to climb the ranks which would favour the Dragons in their quest to rejuvenation and national pride in the Maplish national sports teams. This is Timothy once again and see you then!