- “…sucked ass.
“But enough about the Hannasean ski team, let’s turn to the Hannasean basketball team! Joining us now is Sabrina Jordan, who’s bringing us up to speed with how things stand in the qualification games for the International Basketball Championship. And, ooh, I can see our graphic design have been hard at work whipping up something special! Sabrina, is the final match going to be worthy of such efforts?”
“It could be – but the unfortunate truth is it’s more likely to be a horrible disappointment.”
“Actually I said we were done talking about skiing for today.”
“I wasn’t!?”
“Oh, my apologies. It’s just the words ‘horrible disappointment’ must have created a bit of a link in my brain by this point. You were saying…”
“Unfortunately, the Hannaseans don’t really control their own destiny. They would need to beat Valladares – a major upset in itself. But even then, if Sarzonia and Filindostan both win, and both are playing lower ranked teams, the head-to-head advantage would see the Hannasean team relegated to the consolation tournament.”
“So it’s either a day of upsets – or a day of upset?”
“Pretty much. Now, the team did what they needed to last night, putting away Ethane 84 – 80. Tom Powell’s 25 points were a tournament high, and there were 9 rebounds apiece for Joe Tanner, Jacques Brazier and Joaquin Navarra. Ben Santiago hit 4 three-pointers, including the game clincher. It was an efficient display, without some of the usual flash, but also without some of the usual errors – 10 assists for Tanner with only 1 turnover, for example. The win keeps their nose above water, but, well…”
“They’re still up to their noses in water?”
“Yes. Still, entering the tournament unranked, they’ve done better than expected, and hopefully some of that momentum can continue should the HBA ever enter the IUBC…”
“Sabrina, if you think there’s going to be another IUBC any time soon, I have some shares in a failing brick-and-mortar game resale business to sell you!”
“…or the Coffee Ministry fund a full Olympic team.”
“So what will the gameplan be for the final match?”
“An added complication is that despite an underwhelming campaign to date Valladares aren’t dead in the water. They could still move up with a win, so they have everything to play for. That means no rest or rotation, it will have to be a full strength side. In the last few games Powell has been starting at 2 and Brody Navarro at 3, and we’d expect that to continue.”
“What lessons have the team learned this tournament?”
“At times the team has been a bit callow compared to international standards, especially when it comes to three-point shooting, which just isn’t as prominent in the HBA as it appears to be in some foreign leagues. On the plus side, the team has competed pretty well in physical matches, contesting rebounds, lasting 40 minutes at international pace.”
“So better shooting but the same athleticism. So basically next time we need to send 12 supermen who can do everything?”
“Biologically engineered, lab-grown specimens of basketball perfection, yes. Still wouldn’t like their chances against the Delaclavs, though.”
“Well Sabrina, we’ll all be wishing the team the best tonight at the Monster MASH.”
“I’m sure the arena will be very loud if the stars – and results – align!”
“Haha, of course. Sabrina Jordan, thank you.
“Now, speaking of loud cheers, let’s discuss plans for the execution of the Hannasean ski team: in private in order to damnatio memoriae their sorry asses, or in public so we can all cheer on the guillotine…?”