World Cup 87 - RP Thread

by **Starblaydia** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:29 pm

OOC: For correct RP bonus attribution, the song 'May the Wellerman Come' is a Tiktok, erm, performance that's gone mainstream viral and is performed by singers @nathanevanss @_luke.the.voice_ , @apsloan01, @the.bobbybass, and @jonnystewartbass, none of whom I'd presume are on NS. The background is a shutterstock asset, while all characters and animation are done by me. Thanks to Osarius (as Cobrio), Kry and Audio for agreeing to be in it, and also to Bos, who doesn't get a say but I'm sure would love it anyway.

Getting in Tune
Sea Shanties sweep Starblaydia, surprisingly supplanting soccer

While Starblaydia's football team rocket up Group 12 from ninth place to third with two straight victories, the latest trend across the country is the tried and tested Sea Shanty, having caught newfound popularity with several tunes going viral and making the charts. The oddest of which, perhaps, is a bunch of idiots dressed in national flags singing a song about sugar and tea and rum. You might have heard of it, unlike our football coverage that no-one really wants to read. To watch this latest video, either click the image below, or right here.

by **HUElavia** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:18 pm

Tough Defeats exposes Severe Crises in HUElavia!

HUElavia 0-1 Silvedania
(Guilbert 41')
(Nuevo Estadio Oriental, Manilla)

Geektopia 4-2 HUElavia
(Sdao 8', 45', Ponti 70', 88' | Navarro 29', 75')
(Isleshore Stadium, Isleshore)

Coming into Matchday 2 and 3, HUElavia was facing a massive change with their coaching, after Estela Garcia Kimura was sacked coming off the 3-1 shock defeat at Murphtannia. Her repleacement was David Illaramendi, the former manager of Athletic Club Itio. He had the task of getting the team together, especially where they were looking very shaky. For the first match, the B-Team was playing with Duran as the Captain and Vannier in goal. The second match had the A-Team playing with Lobato in goal and as Captain. The fans were hoping things could change for the better.

The matches did not go as what was hoped. The game versus Silvedania only saw one goal, a free kick taken by Guilbert in the 41st minute blasted over the wall and past a reaching Vannier to make it 0-1, with HUElavia trying to score, but falling short in their home opener. The next match against Geektopia was another brutal loss. Two excellent solo goals by Navarro in each half with his left foot going past Lertora were sandwiched by solo goals of the likes of Sdao and Ponti that would go past Lobato. The match ended 4-2, with the team having no answers for these matches. After the second game, some of the players had a very anxious and scared face going into the locker rooms.

Thus, for the first time in nearly 16 years, the HUElavia National Football Team is in another crisis. The last time this occurred was in the World Cup 83 qualifiers where the team missed out due to losing games in the second half of qualifiers, leaving a psychological scar on the players. A group of Sport Psychologists have been hired to help the players, especially the A-Team come over their funk and anxieties with these matches. Clearly, the four consecutive losses in the IAC Final is rearing it's ugly head. On top of that, the mounting pressures of the upcoming Presidential Elections sees a 4-way tie for the votes, where HUElavia is heading down a road of massive change, and one that is looking more and more against President Adriano Coimbra and the Liberal Party. The Green Party, Libertarian Pary and Conservative Party are gaining traction, and it looks like a Runoff may happen for the first time in HUElavian History. Regardless, while treatment is given to the team for anxiety and panic attacks, the matches must go on. The A-Team will play against Recuecn, but Ramos will start in goal while the centerback pairing will be Fernandez-Roux with D'Aquila. Guilbert will start in favor of Sakaguchi and Sol in favor of Sissoko. Navarro will be officially Captain for the first time. The game will be in Estadio Salvador in Sao Salvador with the Home Alternative Uniform being worn and in a soldout crowd. The C-Team with Baptista in goal will start at Fluvannia, with Coelho as Captain, while the team wears their Away Alternative Uniform. One thing is for sure, the team needs to begin getting points, especially since the fans are losing patience with the team, and there are expectations for this group of players. The team continues to train while the fans pray in droves at religious services for the team.

All we can do from this point is move up.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVIA! GO HUELAVIA!

by **West Zirconia** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 2:44 pm

The Daily Herald

for all your World Cup news

Price WZC2.10

To mark the return of West Zirconia to international football, the Daily Herald looks back at the team responsible for the greatest achievement in World Cup history. The Meerkats reached the second round of World Cup 51, and we ask the question: Where are they now?

Part One: The Back End

Tom Lyons: After a career of over 400 appearances for Bradley Hornets, Tom continued as coach at the club. He subsequently went into management, first with East Snaith and then a disastrous spell at Houghton Hawks. He retired from football altogether afterwards, and now works as an insurance broker.

Ben Phillips: Captain, talisman, Hall of Fame candidate and reluctant gay icon, Ben was promoted to caretaker manager of the national team following the death of Chris Irwin during World Cup 58. His subsequent performances in that tournament and in Copa Rushmori 8 made his appointment a permanent one, and he remains as national team manager to this day.

Andy Turner: After his career ended, Andy intended to spend two years travelling the length and breadth of Rushmore before settling on a future career. Six weeks into the journey, part-way across Candelaria And Marquez, he met the woman who was to become his wife. The rest of the intended journey was put on indefinite hold (“perhaps we’ll do it when the kids are older” - his youngest is now twenty years old). While he waits for the travel bug to bite him and his wife Alicia once more, he runs a restaurant in Caires.

Lewis Fox: One of the few members of the squad to have a successful career in management. After seeing out his playing career at Mort Park, he coached there before taking over as manager of Division Three side Catterall Juniors. Further appointments at Corpus Christi and Greenwood Athletic saw him climb up the leagues. Currently manages Division One side Broxton and Marrs Hill.

Paul Paterson: Having played in Candelaria And Marquez for much of his career, Paul took coaching roles in that country before returning home. Since then he has been coach at Division Two side Houghton Eagles.

In next week’s Daily Herald – The Middle Men.

by **Graintfjall** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 3:13 pm

The front page of græpædia, the online encyclopedia about all things Græntfjall, after MD3.

From today’s featured article
The 2017 Lúðurbjór Classic was the opening race of the Græntfjaller ForceMoto Championship, an annual domestic motorbike racing competition. It was held at the Watzströnd Race Ring in Estdal on 2nd April 2017 in front of a 23,000 strong record, while an estimated 3.5 million watched the race on television. The 25-lap race was won by Team Blue M’s Hreimur Stålesson, defending his title from the previous season and giving his new team their first ever win; Anfin Áskelsson and Tim Gabrielsson finished second and third respectively. The race was notable for the last-minute abandonment of Villiam Arndórsson, defending ForceMoto Champion, following a bad injury in his warm-up lap, and for marking the debut of Lúna Marcossdóttir, the first woman to compete in top-level motorbike racing in Græntfjall.
Recently featured: “Jól” (Koko the Kraken episode) · Lammedal Castle · Norðurlang National Park

In the news
Mýrkjartan Príorsson, first and only President of Græntfjall, dies age 94.
Tropical Storm Muminjon makes landfall in the Græntfjaller South Indies.
Cardinal Jannik Eyjarsson and Archeparch Engilbjartur Vilgeirsson issue a joint statement condemning the repression of Christians in Jabal Akhdar.
Scientists in the Græntfjaller Antarctic Dependency report the calving of a large iceberg.
Gunzlach midfielder Jade Miansdóttir signs with Kohnhead Premier League champions Porter City.
Ongoing: 15th Winter Olympics · Laafjörður protests
Recent deaths: Levi Swensson

DID U NO…
… that the Rehmann fatwa enjoined Moors whose territory had fallen under the control of Græntfjaller Crusaders to engage in taqiya?
… that Græntfjall reimposed its claim of sovereignty over the exclave cities of Oberassendorf and Schachlein when the Royal House of Háttmark was reinstated?
… that General Secretary Jonathan Jansson appointed his cat Porridge as “First Mouser of the Republic” and awarded her the Red Star of Valor?
… that the draw for this year’s Græntfjall Cup will take place from outer space?
… that the 1985 Græntfjaller Open was cancelled after an alleged kraken sighting in the water feature at the 12th hole?
… that the final frame of the 1978 Græntfjaller Masters lasted for over 12 hours as both players repeatedly snookered one another on the octarine ball?
… that Rushmori amber recovered from the gravesites of early Græntfjaller Vikings has been found to contain fossilized remains of a previously unknown species of ant?
… that the ethnomusicologist Símon Amonsson wrote over 200 “new sea shanties”, reviving the genre by incorporating modern rhythms from around the world?
… that New Energy Græntfjall! leader Dani Arhippasbur tried to execute a citizen’s arrest against the Pope for preaching against the use of condoms?

On this day
Hrefn Gar (Græntfjaller neopaganism); Independence Day (North West Bikere); Kamdyr People’s Day (Independent Kamdyr Peoples)
262 – The Cimarii smashed the forces of the Tauril Empire at the Battle of the Plattyrdyk, bringing to an end the War of the Quite Nice Cup.
1689 – A slave mutiny broke out on the Græntfjaller South India Company ship Sjórefur.
1825 – The murder of Eyþóra Jóhannesdóttir led to a wave of recriminations against the Hómin people.
1954 – The Græntfjaller Hockey League was founded in Laafjörður.
1961 – General Secretary Adrian Louisson dismissed nine members of the Politburo of the Græntfjaller Communist Party in the “Stepfather’s Coup”.
2011 – Details of “Operation Rainforest Kraken”, a covert counter-narcoterrorism operation in Montaña Verde undertaken by Græntfjaller special forces, were leaked to Index Græntfjalls by an anonymous whistleblower.
2020 – The Græntfjaller government signed a new Memorandum of Understanding with representatives of the Aiaiani people, ceding mineral rights in exchange for political concessions.

Today’s featured list
Græntfjaller football club Gunzlach’s seasons have resulted in more domestic titles than any other club in the country. Initially founded as a rugby union club in the late 19th century, and later branching out into the multi-sports model common to many sports clubs in Græntfjall, Gunzlach first began competing in football in 1899. They first entered the Græntfjaller League of Footballing Playing Chaps in 1921, but were expelled in 1924 for breaching strict rules enforcing Corinthian amateurism. They were readmitted in 1933, one year after a change to permit professional players; as such they are not considered to be one of the original ‘Big Four’ clubs, though have since surpassed all four in terms of league success. Known as the Gunners in reference to their proximity to the site of the former Royal Arsenal, Gunzlach have an enduring historic rivalry with Steinaux, known as the “North Háttmark Derby”. Gunzlach have won 24 league titles, including 4 of the 21 seasons of the Græntfjaller Premier League, of which they were founding members, and 28 cup titles, including the two most recent editions of the Græntfjall Cup. In recent years Gunzlach have begun competing in IFCF tournaments, and have qualified for the Challengers Cup in every year of eligibility.
Recently featured: Ground beetles of Rushmore · Grímur and Tindur filmography · Municipalities of the Græntfjaller Alps

Today’s featured picture
Henrika Hlífarsdóttir (1760 – 1843) was a Græntfjaller lighthouse keeper. She is recognized as the longest serving lighthouse keeper in Græntfjaller history, having faithfully maintained the lighthouse at Rykkhavn for 48 years. Despite having little formal schooling, she personally oversaw the construction of the modern lighthouse. A capable and industrious woman, she also launched two fund-raising campaigns, known as the “Fishy Letters Campaigns”. Under her watch, the Græntfjaller Coast Guard’s approach to lighthouses fundamentally changed, from beacons meant merely to illuminate kraken-free bays, to powerful displays intended to ward ships away from dangerous rocks and sandbars. Hlífarsdóttir first arrived in the Hagkvæmni Islands in the early 1790s, with her husband, medical doctor Ormur Jákupsson, whose work in Græntfjaller Multinesia had led to him contracting a tropical fever. He was sent to the islands for a rest cure amid the bracing sea air, but failed to recover and died in 1795, leaving the grieving widow to begin her watch alone at Rykkhavn. This picture is taken from an early 20th century children’s textbook Græntfjaller Women of Science.
Recently featured: Great ringed skua · Wiedebraut at Dusk · Millennium Tower (Háttmark)

by **Banija** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 3:36 pm

Squad Composition and Analysis, Part 1/2- Goalkeepers & Defenders

Banijan players at a training session

BUSUKUMA, NATIONAL CAPITOL REGION- There was always going to be changes in the Banijan squad after their championship victory at World Cup 86. A multitude of retirements after a nation's first World Cup title is expected- there's a reason why consistent success on the international stage is so hard to achieve. But with Gitonga Kahara, the World Cup Hall of Famer, the former Boy Wonder, the most popular Banijan player of all time(at least in Banija), leading the way, there were a big number. He left the left wing spot open. Amadi Uche and Ablie Kah's retirements from international play left spots available in the central midfield.

Marcus Waters said the hallmark of a quality national team was the ability to have multiple good players at each position, and the depth and competition required to nurture that talent. "Every high level national team has quality players that will be left off of the final 23." He told reporters. "Banija has taken the road there- but in just a generation, we have developed great depth all across the board in terms of players who are available for selection to wear the green shirt. A few tournaments ago, we had a number of top-level players- but not enough to establish depth. Could not rotate the squad without sacrificing a significant amount of quality. We didn't have that competition for places in the squad that you always look for."

And now, there are a number of players at each position who are battling for playing time. We're going to take a positional group by positional group look at the squad- at who's been inviting, who's on the extended list, and what other players may be lurking in the background for playing time?

In Part 1, we'll focus on Goalkeepers and midfielders. During Part 2, we'll focus on Midfielders and Attackers.

Goalkeepers
Starter: François Tantoh(Herzegovina City FC, Banija)
Reserves: Wanda Kouyaté(Jungle Strike FC, Vilita), Akabueze Okparo(Istria City FC, Banija)

Now, these three are interesting. Banija really has two top goalkeepers in this position at the moment- Tantoh and Kouyaté. Okparo, although he had a strong season for the club in Banija's biggest city, is third on this list but he's a very distant third. Tantoh and Kouyaté are in a fierce competition for playing time. Tantoh, of course, has the upper hand in this competition for the goalkeeping spot so far. It's telling, however, that Marcus Waters hasn't given the #1 jersey to anybody since Delbin Kasekende left to play for the Busoga Islands. They have never really truly settled on a goalkeeper who is head and shoulders above the competition. Tantoh has gotten the playing time, both for club and country. Tantoh has been the clear first choice in North Moravica for a number of years now, which helps his own chances to wear this jersey. And, of course, he started all 7 matches at World Cup 86. He remained starter for all but one match at AOCAF 62 as well, solidifying his hold on the starting position.

Wanda Kouyaté, on the other hand, has closed the gap since the last World Cup. She played in a couple of the smaller tournaments for Banija, and had some strong performances. She wore the jersey at the Eagle's Cup, and the captain's armband as well, leading what was functionally a B team. Displaying her own leadership abilities and abilities to lead a defense, she led them all the way to the Final, where they fell to 5 time world champions Valanora. She then led the women's team to a tournament in Qasden, leading them to the quarterfinals of that tournament. Her performances there earned her respect at her club. For the first time, she led Jungle Strike in games played at the goalkeeper position, turning in 27 games.

Marcus Waters has always said that Tantoh's more consistent playing time at club was an advantage for him to be selected. But no more. Kouyaté is being entrusted with playing time at the club level, and has helped lead their team to a league title. "Wanda has been making the case for herself on the pitch, and her case is impressive." Marcus Waters said. "I've made no decisions for World Cup 87- how can I make decisions for a tournament we haven't yet qualified for? But while Tantoh will start, she will certainly get her opportunities to make her case during World Cup Qualifying." This woman is a serial winner- she's the only person in the multiverse, to our knowledge, who has won a U18 World Cup, a U21 World Cup, and the senior-level World Cup. Playing for Jungle Strike FC in Vilita, who are perennial winners there as well. The debate around her has always raged. She's the most decorated Banijan in history, in terms of silverware at the club and national level. Is she simply lucky to be on good teams though, or is she simply good? We'll see if she can prove her own worth during much of the second half of Qualifying, when she's projected to become the starter for the Kadongo Kamu.

Defenders
Starters: Alanso Tibamba(Hondo FC, Valanora), Kuma Bultum(Raynor City United, Valanora), Samba Ogunsola(Holdenberg City, Eura)
Reserves: Chiokie Uchie(Marine Coast United, Vilita), Demba Kinteh(Dí Maozöxê, Farfadillis), Lama Nyang(Jinja City FC, Banija)
On the Radar: Kemo Jawara(Wexax United, Valanora), Uzoma Iruka(Hoima Warriors, Banija), Koba Konateh(Umbazi Metropolitan SC, Banija), Kabiru Sowe(Herzegovina City FC, Banija)

For an offensively minded team, Banija is absolutely stacked at defender. We have listed 10 defenders here- 6 of whom are on the actual squad, in the 23 right now, and projected to go with the team to World Cup 87(assuming we qualify). With the switch from a back 4 to a back 3 at the beginning of AOCAF 62, to better fit the team's star strike pair in Ilman Jawara and Idai Uster, there is even more fierce competition to play on the team's backline.

Out of all of these players, only one of them for this team is somebody who you put on the team sheet and forget about. That is Kuma Bultum. He is probably, at an individual level, one of Banija's most decorated players. Banija's first ever straight up Galactico, he's been shortlisted a couple of other times as well. He's been an elite defender for Raynor City United, arguably the biggest club in all of Atlantian Oceania, for a number of years now. And with Gitonga Kahara retired, he's got the armband himself now. He's truly the first name on the team sheet for the national team, and it's never bad to be a fixture in the starting XI for both the World Cup champions and for one of the biggest clubs in the multiverse, Raynor City United.

This team has the firepower to play a back 3 because whoever are on either side of Kuma Bultum are elite as well, and they can hold things down enough to allow the offense to really put pressure on their opponents. It's best exemplified, of course, throughout the course of World Cup Qualifying. The spots on either side of Kuma Bultum simply rotate. Right now, Alanso Tibamba and Samba Ogunsola are getting the first chance to claim those spots. Alanso Tibamba starred for Istria City FC in the BSL, with his rise allowing Istria City to win a league title and then the AOCL. Samba Ogunsola is still young, just 22, but already claiming a place for himself in the Euraleague, the first Banijan national teamer to do it over there.

But right behind them, we have some more talented Banijan players. Demba Kinteh is a World Cup champion. He just moved to Dí Maozöxê in Farfadillis, and has been a starter on their backline to help them win the inaugural S-FPL. Kinteh is also a U18 world champion. He's got all sorts of talent and range, went to Schottia early, and now is closer to home, playing in the Shango-Fogoa Premier League. Chiokie Uchie, who has been waiting patiently for a chance to impress on the national team, will finally have his chance at first team minutes, as he's going to start for most of the second half of Qualifying as well. And, of course, Lama Nyang, a talented defender in his own right.

The depth at this position that Banija has is probably best exemplified at who's not on the team. Fekati Abdi, a left back who scored in the World Cup Final- off the squad. He retired, of course, but still. Ogunsola wasn't ready then, and Tibamba was fueding with Waters. Now both are starters- and both better than Abdi probably, even if Abdi is better at getting forward? Uzoma Iruka, a strong defender in her own right, started in the World Cup Final as well. Now, with the switch to a back 3, she's not even on the squad. Koba Konateh had a decent S-FPL season, but you can't look that great when you're getting relegated. So she's missing her chance, for now.

Wexax United Academy project Kemo Jawara is the most interesting of all these prospects. He's projected to lead Banija to DBC 50, when Banija finally returns to the U21 World Cup. Vanorian media have already dubbed the 20 year old center back the most popular player at Wexax United. He comes off the bench for them currently, and is soon to join their starting lineup. Depending on how fast he develops, we could have a backline that consists entirely of Elven Premiership players, which would be something.

All sorts of talent for the world champions at this position. That's why we hold that position, of course. The next part of our squad analysis will include talking about the people who cover the next two thirds of the pitch- the midfielders, and the attackers.

by **Jeruselem** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:17 pm

Princess Katherine Dallas (naked) at Dazza Dallas Stadium.

Hello, this is Princess Katherine for Naked News Jeruselem covering the World Cup 87 at Dazza Dallas Stadium for match day 2 of qualification at the World Cup 87. Another home game, this time the visitors are New Lusitania and the Algarves. They are our main rivals. Group 13 games first before we discuss our game, because ... we can and don't complain.

Oberour Ar Moro hosted Saltstead and won their first home game of this cup 4-1. We did beat them 2-1 last game but Saltstead were no match for the home team. They get their first points of the cup.
Vangaziland hosted Melbergia but the home team failed to impress going down 2-0 to the visitors. Melbergia also got their first points of the cup.
Banija hosted The Belacian States and the home team won 2-0 to add to their win last game.
Thibaea hosted Stevidia and also won ... 2-0. Yeah another 2-0 win the group 13. Thibaea continue their winning streaking, to 2 now.

Well that leaves Jeruselem vs New Lusitania and the Algarves. I'll just call them New Lusitania because saying Algarves too much gets annoying. The top 2 seeds meet early and New Lusitania did lose their first game at home. I guess having this game early is great because we do not want to playing late in qualification.

A real test for the home team with a true rival at the doorstep and New Lusitania came away with 3-1 win. A team surely the benchmark of the group despite their early loss which happens. I guess they sorted themselves out today and gave us our first loss of the cup. It's all not doom and gloom from the loss, you need a stern test from a classy opponent to find areas for improvement. We feel we have our opponent too much control over the game and they dictated the game far too much. The backline might need a reshuffle as we had weaknesses exposed for all to see. We should have been more competitive but we have a new manager and starting with a team who haven't played together much. We were expecting New Lusitania to bounce back from their loss at home.

It's still early days for all groups with two games done. Banija and Thibaea have the maximum 6 points. New Lusitania, Jeruselem, Oberour Ar Moro, Saltstead, Melbergia and Vangaziland have 1 win each and sit on 3 points. Stevidia and The Belacian States still to record any points on the bottom. Table doesn't tell you much this early. Banija and Thibaea have so far looked the best but they haven't played us or New Lusitania as yet.

We had a bit of rain today, threatening to delay the game but the Gods decided otherwise.
Once again anti-monarchists were on the streets attempting to disrupt the game.
Most go home after a while leaving the hardcore protesters and troublemakers.
As usual, we had a few anti-maskers in the stadium trying make a statement but they got rounded up and thrown out.
Oh by the way, don't be an asshat and cough on police. They'll pepperspray your face OK? And then spray you with alcohol to kill viruses, ... in your face.

Yeah, that's it from me for now. Next game is in Stevidia where I won't be there.
So be nice to everyone or FAQ you as one might say.

...

Akai Hanto in Stevidia

This is Akai Hanto for Naked News Jeruselem covering the World Cup 87. We're in Stevidia for our first away qualification game, being match day 3 already.
This is a first ... first away game for Jeruselem, first away game for the new manager Pekora and first away game for me.
Also the first time we've been Stevidia! Actually probably the first time Stevidia will play Jeruselem too.
So far we've won one and lost one, both at home. Away games are different and a real test of the team as you're in a foreign environment with foriegn laws.

Apologies there will no cooking shows in Naked News Jeruselem with me! I know some people love them. Although my coworkers prefer I don't do any cooking at all.

Oh yes, the other games in Group 13 first.
New Lusitania and the Algarves hosted Oberour Ar Moro, both were winners last game. The hosts won 3-2 for their first win at home.
The Belacian States hosted the undefeated Thibaea, and the Thibaea stayed undefeated beating the home team 4-1.
Melbergia hosted the other undefeated team Banija, and got soundly beaten 4-0 by Banija who remain undefeated like Thibaea.
Saltstead hosted Vangaziland and got another win 2-0.

Pekora and the team who lost to New Lusitania ... and the Algarves ... had to bounce back from the home loss.
There was a hold-up at immigration when they realised the bunny girl, Pekora, was actually the team manager.
I guess they were expecting the manager to be older mature type of person.

Anyway, we somehow to play the game with our slightly psycho manager and got the win 3-1.
Admittedly the opponent was not the same type as New Lusitania ... and the Algarves ... so we were expected to this one.
We were far less troubled this time round apart from lapse on concentration allowing the home team to score a goal.
A competent win but I think my friend Kate might find things we could have done better.
I'm not going analyse the game because I have no idea really.

Yeah, we won!
3 points for us!
I guess that all that matters!

If you want analysis, err well we'll have one later. Just don't ask me. I'm trained talking monkey.
The group 13 table doesn't look much different from match day 2.
Banija and Thibaea both undefeated on 9 points.
New Lusitania .. and the Algarves ... and Jeruselem on 6 points in 3rd and 4th.
Saltstead on 6 points in 5th.
We have Melbergia, Oberour Ar Moro and Vangaziland on 3 points next.
Bottom 2 are Stevidia and The Belacian States on zero.

Sadly, it's official policy we kinda go home after the game.
So I can't hang around Stevidia and become a tourist.
No time for cooking either! I guess some people might be happy about that too.
Apologies for no crazy shit I usually do because I don't want to locked up overseas here.
I'm not that insane.

by **Ibixa** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:29 pm

Dotix opens domain to the world

Dotix, the company responsible for domain registrations in Ibixa, has today announced that the .ix domain will now be open to non-Ibixan companies to use.

Prospective organisations wanting to use the domain will have to comply with certain rules, including:

Sites must comply with international law
Pornographic and other content unsuitable for minors is forbidden
Sites must have an option to view in Catalan

Prices are available on request, and it is expected that picture-hosting and ticket-selling sites will be at the front of the queue, with the domains p.ix and t.ix both among those available at time of writing.

OOC: If you wish to get i on this, TG Ibixa.

by **Hapilopper** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:29 pm

Hokutou-Ko, North Japan
Right after Match 3 of World Cup 87 Qualifiers: Hapilopper 3-1 North Japan
Typically, winning two matches in a row and placing oneself at the top of the group table was cause for celebration, right? Well, if your name is Nathan Ellis, it wasn’t enough. Nate had been a good boy throughout the first three matches, keeping himself out of any kind of trouble or controversy so he could stay in good enough shape for the Vdara match – a match where he would find himself facing down Alexis Fotellis for the third (or fourth?) time. So when he took a look at a television monitor after the Hapilopper-North Japan match and found that Fotellis had been red carded for punching Xannerian forward Kyle Falcon, Ellis flew into a rage.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!” Nate screamed, throwing a chair at the television monitor, knocking it off a wall-mounted stand and sending it crashing to the ground, demolishing it. “I’ve been acting like this for nothing?”

The rest of the team looked over to see what was going on.

“Fucking Fotellis got red carded!” Nate shouted. “I’ve been trying as hard as I can to be a nice guy for the rest of you and for him. I want to face him straight up without either of us worrying about the consequences, and he gets red carded? What the fuck?! Now I can’t go up against him!”

“Nate, relax!” Bobby East chided. “You got to be nice for us, not just for him, man. Let him do his thing. If he ain’t playing us, that’s fine.”
Nate stood there for a while and looked at the rest of his teammates.

“We’re in a great spot right now,” Bobby continued. “We’ve won two in a row. We’re doing something great. Don’t mess it up, man.”

“You’re right,” Nate said, calming down. “It just pisses me off, you know? I feel like I’m not giving my all because of it, and he gets himself red carded, you know? The reason I was so happy we got Vdara is I wanted to show that little shitbird who runs the place, and now he gets himself suspended. That’s just fucking great!”

“He’s living rent-free in your head, Ellis!” Cooter Harris shouted. “You are way too consumed with that guy. We’re busting our asses trying to get ahead in this damn qualifier and all you’re concerned with is that Alexis Fotellis prick! Just let him go! Behave for us, not for him!”

“Yeah, but…”

“But nothing!” Cooter snapped. “You talk about being a team player. You kicked those guys asses that were trying to fix matches. Leave the petty personal shit with the hat check girl and worry about who we’re facing instead. If you worry too much about some guy from some other place, we’re not going to get anywhere in this, so do it for us!”

Nate nodded his head and sat down. He’d later get disciplined by head coach Thom Perkins when he came back to find the demolished television in the locker room. He was asked to pay for the broken television, and Team Hapilopper issued a formal apology to the North Japan squad for the incident. And as they were headed back to Hapilopper after winning the match, reporters were asking just why Nate was so angry.

As the team flew back, Nate learned that Fotellis had supposedly been provoked by Falcon, and he sent a threatening twii to Falcon as a result, asking him (and everyone else) to leave Fotellis to him.

NATHAN ELLIS ✓

@NateEllis
Hey Kyle Falcon, leave Fotellis to me or I'll end you. I want him to myself.

#WC87 : #HAPvVDR : #XANvVDR

NATHAN ELLIS ✓

@NateEllis
And Fotellis: There's a reason I've been a good boy lately. I was hoping you would have been better than to stoop to some dipshit Xannerian's level. I want you without any strings attached, Fotellis.

#WC87 : #HAPvVDR : #XANvVDR

The Greg Eastin Memorial City Hall, Hapilopper City
The next morning
There were other preparations for the next Hapiloppian road trip, and these preparations were not quite as well-publicized as others. In a room in the basement of City Hall in Hapilopper City, representatives from the Hapilopper City Police Department, including its infamous Secret Criminal Undermining Movement (SCUM) unit, were discussing the next road trip, which would take Team Hapilopper to Vdara.

The reasons for this meeting were very clear. There were serious concerns over Team Hapilopper’s safety in Vdara, and more specifically, Nate Ellis’s safety in Vdara. Ellis was widely considered the single most hated athlete in all of Vdara, and the Hapilopper City Police felt it needed to bring along some security detail for the entire team, and for Nate in particular.

“We need people in Vdara,” said Rusty Baker, chief of the Hapilopper City Police Department. “We need to make sure that some lunatic isn’t going to run onto the pitch and stab Nate or any other player.”

“Gotcha,” responded Mike Moody, head of the SCUM Unit. “But we also need to keep a low profile so we’re not making a big deal over it. I mean, if the Vdarans see armed police around the team, it might lead to something, so let’s keep a profile.”

Throughout the meeting, it had been agreed upon that the SCUM Unit would be located at strategic parts all around the VdarArena, the team would wear bulletproof vests at all times when in Vdara, and players would be asked to not converse with any fans, so as to avoid any potential incidents.

Also in the meeting, Team Hapilopper head Dom Probst asked about the logistics of such protection, and how much they’d have to keep Nate Ellis out of the public eye in order to keep him safe.

“I mean, I’m concerned someone’s going to do something,” Dom said. “The last thing we need, and the last thing Vdara probably needs, is for someone to come in and take him out.”

“That’s a valid point,” Baker said. “What we’re going to do is ask him to stay in the hotel room before the moment we get to the stadium, and we’ll have two escorts with him at all times, unless when he’s on the pitch.”

“Good,” Dom replied.

“Also, I was wondering if…” Baker started, thinking about what to say. “After World Cup 84, we started keeping tabs on all travel between Hapilopper and Vdara and vice versa, just to make sure that anyone traveling between the two nations didn’t have any ill intentions. Maybe a Vdaran extremist comes in and offs Nate, or some Hapiloppian wingnut comes in to take out Mr. Fotellis.”

“What’s your point?” Dom asked. “I mean, that’s good and all, but what’s your point?”

“My point is, last year, we received word that Mr. Ellis traveled to Vdara,” Baker explained. “I was wondering if you or anyone within the association knew about it. Around the time of World Cup 86, we received word that Mr. Ellis went on a trip to Vdara.”

“Excuse me?” Dom asked, a little surprised by this revelation.

“Trying to match up the dates and the matches…” Baker said, looking at Vdara’s schedule from World Cup 86 qualifiers, “and it appears he flew to Vdara around the time they played Acronius during the qualifiers. You know anything about this?”

Dom’s eyes went wide, and then sat back in his chair, thinking about a few phone calls he received around that time.

“Holy shit,” Dom said. “I do now. Stevenson and Cooter called at the exact same time crying about how they swore they saw him during that match, and they swore he kicked Alexis Fotellis in the chest. Why do you bring this up?”

“Because we can not guarantee Mr. Ellis’s safety if he makes these sort of unannounced trips,” Baker explained. “I mean, intelligence has shown us that his status in Vdara is such that unless he’s with people that can guarantee his safety, we can’t guarantee he’ll be OK. We need someone with him at all times.”

“I got you,” Dom replied. “I’ll have a talk with Nate about this before we leave.”

“You might need this for proof,” Baker said, giving Dom a piece of paper confirming the trip from Hapilopper City to Chania, Vdara. “And keep this on the down-low. We do not need this surveillance program coming out. Trust me. We don’t. Officially, Hapilopper has good relations with Vdara and we don’t want this surveillance program to impact that sort of relations.”

“Alright, I’ll keep this quiet,” Dom said. “If I do anything, I’ll just say it’s because he cheap-shotted someone. Lord knows he does it.”

by **Kohnhead** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:04 pm

Kohnhead continue to roll, still sit in first of the group

Kohnhead players before the match against Savigliane

In the most recent qualifying stretch, Kohnhead played two matches, one in Savigliane and the other at home against pot three side Port Ember. The first of these matches on the road in Savigliane was against the pot 6 side ranked 124 in the World. We were coming off of a 7-2 thrashing of the United Pink States and carried that momentum into Savigliane who were coming off of a win themselves blanking Pemecutan 1-0. However we were too much for them and walked away with a 4-1 that seems less dominating than it was as we were coming off of the aforementioned five goal win against United Pink States.

Sure it was an easy opening schedule but picking up wins and not draws against these mid ranked teams are absolutely crucial if you stand any chance at qualifying. Kohnhead looked like the better side from the get go but couldn't put one in the back of the net with Charles Laker in particular missing a sitter right in front of the goal and he just sent it right over the bar. Camillo Notari and the entire defense breathed a sigh of relief after Laker's miss and he looked visibly frusterated about it.

It wasn't Kohnhead who got on the board first unlike last time in our 7-2 win we jumped out to a 3-0 lead and never gave it up. This time around it was Isabella Coste who found the back of the net for the opponents and put us down 1-0 in the 29th minute. It seemed like it can only mean one thing for Kohnhead, Deja Vu as stuff like this happened all of last cycle, we would dominate but just couldn't win or score despite having more chances and having more possession.

Fortunately that was not the case in this match as just six minutes later Sophie Johnson would tie it up scoring off of a cross from Linus Rallyton where she jumped up and beat a defender in the box to head it in. Despite a decent look for Erin Maltos in the 42nd we would head into halftime tied at 1 but it felt like we should have had more. The second half on the other hand would rain goals for us Brains and we would quickly put the game out of reach.

It would be Aaron Korkson scoring his 4th goal of the tournament on a penalty in the 52nd minute and it wasn't a controversial one. Al Torgan (in for Cogginter) played a ball in to Taylor Rodar making a run and she got taken down Chiara Blanco in the box leading to the penalty. It might be a cheap way to make it 2-1 but we felt that it was deserrved and it certainly wouldn't be our last goal. In the 65th minute Savigliane got their last major chance of the game but Giovanna Vitale's shot was an easy save for Bertha Sanders who has been mostly out of any limelight due to the offensive's performance.

It was Al Torgan in the 72nd minute scoring this one as the Capital FC star is clearly outplaying Ida Cogginter and despite the success of the team do they think about putting in Torgan for Cogginter soon. We all know Suzanna Barter is the long term plan in place of Cogginter but I think Torgan gives them a better chance to succeed now. This goal is actually all on Erin Maltos who had a fantastic cross on the ground to him and all Torgan had to do was tap it in victoriously to give us the 3-1 lead and make a comeback quite difficult.

While it didn't matter too much in the long run we got another goal in the 89th this time it was scored by Charles Laker who was assisted by Barter (on for Rallyton). Korkson played in a cross to Barter who took it down with her chest and passed it to Laker who fired a shot from just inside the box that went right by Notari to give us the 4-1 lead which is how the score stayed.

Kohnhead had now won their first two games by a combined score of 11-3 and sat in 1st place on goal differential over Siovanija & Teusland although no one else was on six points making it even more impressive. Aaron Korkson has starred in the 4-4-2 and Al Torgan has looked great as a sub off the bench, I wonder how he would look playing the full 90.

Our next opponent Port Ember was a team that we were somewhat familiar with considering our 3-2 win against them in the 10th IAC that won us the Group. That however was a very different Port Ember team one that was too much in the past, and so it really took away our advantage that Michael White had from having coached against them twice last cycle on South Newlandia.

The new Port Ember had a unexpectedly poor start to the tournament as the 57th ranked team although they lost expectedly to pot 1 side Eura in their first match. A 0-0 draw against Pemecutan is not the best but we know this is a talented team and at the end of the day we would play them to a tough 2-2 draw.

This was the first match we would be playing a team that was in a higher pot than us and it did show to be honest as we were certainly a bit more cautious than we had been against Savigliane and United Pink States. The match was to be played in Chicken King Stadium under the lights for the first time ever and it was an awesome experience for all who witnessed it.

It would be Port Ember who scored the first goal with Charlton Townsend getting it with a nice chip over keeper Bertha Sanders. Sanders had rushed out of her goal to try and contest and then for some reason stopped before trying to backtrack way too late. If you're going to go it and challenge for the ball as a keeper you cannot freeze in the middle and if you're going to stay back and prevent the chip then stay back. This occured quite early on in the 12th minute and Kohnhead wouldn't be able to respond much later.

A goal from Finnbar Cox in the 19th minute would really put Kohnhead's chance in this match on life support as they just beat us on a corner. Port Ember following this went more defensive in an effort to try and preserve the win despite having all the momentum. While it might have been the right call they would regret this decision later in the game. The score at halftime would remain 2-0 Port Ember and it would be the second half when Kohnhead found their skills they possessed the first two matches.

While we were a lot more attacking throughout the second half we just couldn't find the back of the net despite repeated efforts for the first 25 minutes of it. We had chances although they weren't superb but you could just feel that Port Ember couldn't continue to bend and they would eventually break. It would come on a patented Charles Laker run in the 73rd minute as he intercepted the ball and swerved around a defender using his speed to get into a great position to score and make it a 2-1 match.

It would be on a corner swung in by Rallyton that bounced off of the head of Claire Corton and landed at Erin Maltos' foot who had to shoot it at a sort of volley into the ground due to the angle. Ilbert Moses dove the right way he really did but it would take a weird deflection off of Jason Lee's foot and go into the goal nowhere near where Moses dived to tie the game at 2.

Sure we could have gotten the three points and had a perfect start to qualifiers but this is still a quality draw against a very good side and given Siovanija & Teusland's draw against Eura we still have the first place in the group (and that automatic qualification spot) secured. While our win against the United Pink States doesn't look like much, Savigliane have won both their games not against us and Port Ember are a top 50 team to draw against. Our goal differential of +8 is one of the best in the entire qualification field and it shows how dominant we've been in our wins.

Group 19                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Kohnhead                               3    2   1   0    13    5   +8     7
 2 Siovanija & Teusland                   3    2   1   0     7    3   +4     7
 3 Natanians and Nosts                    3    2   0   1     6    5   +1     6
 4 Savigliane                             3    2   0   1     5    5    0     6
 5 Eura                                   3    1   2   0     4    2   +2     5
 6 Mapletish                              3    1   1   1     2    2    0     4
 7 Al Qurija                              3    1   0   2     6    7   −1     3
 8 Port Ember                             3    0   2   1     2    4   −2     2
 9 Pemecutan                              3    0   1   2     0    2   −2     1
10 United Pink States                     3    0   0   3     3   13  −10     0

Next up we travel to take on 6th place Mapletish who have a win, a loss, and a very statement draw against Eura and while they sit in 6th and are unranked it should be quite a challenge but a winnable one and a necessary three points if we want to continue our good run of form. Let's continue to drink the grape and apple juice (beer is illegal here in Kohnhead) while we can as Kohnhead are still in a spot that would qualify for the World Cup.

by **Siovanija and Teusland** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:32 pm

The Last Archduke - Chapter II, Part I

This continues the RP series started in WC86. If you’d like to refresh on the story, the last update can be found here. If you’d like to start from the top, the beginning can be found here.

October 22, 1895 - Somewhere at the Front

Corporal Franz Danneberg sat alone in the dark, cold trench, just past midnight, pen in hand.

“Dear mama,” he began. No, he thought. What could he say to his mother that wouldn’t frighten her to death?

“Dear father.” Almost instantly, it was scratched out too - he loved his father, but how could he write to the man leading the war about how terrible the whole thing was?

“Dear Liesl,” Another page gone, for the same reason the page with his mother’s name was on the ground, pinned to the dirt by the piercing midnight rain.

“Liebe Schatzelein,” began another letter. He thought back to the day his unit paraded down the streets of Stelburg. It was raining then, too - typical fucking Stelburg, he said. The army had hardened the young man, as it had millions of others. But as he closed his eyes and smiled, he remembered marching down the Charlottenbergstrasse, through the Teuslandplatz, and his girlfriend, noblewoman Larissa von Ransmayr, standing beside his mother and sister in the crowd. He remembered how she’d placed a little flower in his cap, and kissed him goodbye. It was the last time he’d seen anyone from back home, almost 6 months ago now. There were letters, but much like tonight, Franz found it hard to write about what was going on.

How could he write about what he’d seen at the front? Within a day of getting to the front, two of his best friends from basic training had already been killed. It was brutal trench warfare. You woke up in the morning to the sounds of Siovanijan artillery bombarding the lines, and just prayed to God that it wasn’t in your trench. You went for breakfast hoping that a little bit of your head wouldn’t be visible to the snipers that seemed to lurk everywhere. And then, you waited. Waited in the trench, playing cards. Maybe up on the mountainside with binoculars that didn’t really work. Maybe at a machine gun position. Waited to kill or die. At night, you went to bed to the sounds of fierce air battles above - both countries sending waves of bombers at the others’ cities. And in the morning, you did it all over again.

No one could understand that. Franz didn’t understand it. Sometimes, when on early-morning watch duty like tonight, he tried to make sense of it all. Why the Siovanijans and the Teus hated each other so much. Why thousands died every single day for mere metres of land, usually lost the next day. And most of all, why the hell he’d volunteered to be here.

A rustle came from the path leading up to the trench. Stones moving. Probably an animal, Franz thought. Deer liked to use the army trails from time to time. But, instincts kicked in, and he reached for his gun. The Gewehr 92, it was the pride of the Imperial Teus Army. The introduction of the new rifle in 1892 had given the Teus a massive advantage over the Siovanijans at the start - they made a rapid push across the front. But by the middle of 1893, the Siovanijans had captured enough G92’s to develop their own counter, and it was back to the drawing board for both sides. It was still the most effective infantry weapon of the war, and as his commanding officer had said, “Your rifle is your life.”

Franz moved slowly up to the observation point, his heart pumping as he looked out. They were definitely the steps of a human. Multiple humans. The Siovanijans never usually raided at night, but Franz was taking no chances, as he prepared himself to shoot. Then, he saw the light of a hand-held lantern from the leader of the party. The black and gold coat of a Teus officer.

“Kameraden, you should’ve told us you were coming at this hour,” Franz yelled, partially to cut the tension within him.

The officer paused, saying “A Teus officer is always precisely on time.” Franz could hear laughter from the men with him, as they trudged up to the trench.

“Herr Unteroffizier, where is your commanding officer?”

“He’s asleep, the whole unit is. It’s nearly half one.”

“Well, you will do, young.. Danneberg. Look here, men, here is your future Kaiser!”
More laughter. “This one? He looks like he’s never left the palace, truly!”

Franz was a little hurt by their laughter. He thought he’d grown up quite a bit in the army. “Come on out, Archduke. I’ve read about you, the newspapers talk about how brave you are for joining up. Won’t you be brave and step out to talk to the men of the 54th Stelburg Jagerdivision?”

The 54th Stelburg Jagerdivision. They were legendary on the frontlines, their stories told from Marzig in the north to Siowenienberg in the south. An elite squad of riflemen, it was said that they had taken a fort near Karnowitz from the Siovanijans outgunned 10 to 1. The Siovanijans feared them, and the word was they had orders to shoot any prisoner that had a wolf cap badge - the wolf the symbol of the city of Stelburg, and adapted by the division. They were called the Black Wolves by the Teus, and the Devils by the Siovanijans.

Franz stepped out of his trench now, and shook hands with the officer, who introduced himself as Major Erich Kursl. He could tell instantly that these men were hard. Some of them wouldn’t even return a handshake, just staring Franz down in the eye. A younger member of the division was a bit friendlier with him, which prompted some of the older members to mock their squadmate. Finally, Franz got a great surprise he certainly wasn’t expecting:

“He’s a good Stelburg kid, don’t be too hard on him. Though he could use a haircut,” said a man who threw his arm around Franz’s shoulder to the laughter of his comrades. Franz had heard that voice before, a few years ago. Yes, here was former FC Teussen Stelburg captain Franz Gorz, with dirt on his face and a golden St. Gustaf’s Cross on his breast. Franz’s idol growing up, now before him. He was speechless.

Major Kursl spoke up again. “Corporal, we just made contact with a Siovanijan division about 2 hours ago in Sector 4M. We held them off, but lost a great deal in terms of resources. We were hoping to camp at your trench for a few days while we await restock, and then be on our way. Allow us to relieve you of your duty for the night, the Black Wolves will keep watch. In the morning, we will speak to your officer.”

What else could Franz say? “Of course.”

Two members of the squad pushed past him, almost knocking him down. Franz watched them work, dropping off their packs, taking up positions in the trench, and waiting silently in the night. He was able to lay in his bed - on this night, for once, there were no planes overhead. It was cold, rain was dripping through the roof, and the off-key singing of the Black Wolves was enough to drive anyone crazy. But thoughts of those back home warmed him up, and he quickly drifted off, ready to begin another day of hopefully cheating death.

Siovanija & Teusland 3-1 Natanians and Nosts, @ Olimpski-Stadion, Borograd, Siovanija

Starting XI: Sveteikov; Steimle, Maksimov, Kronthaler (Thierse 66’), Vesele; Kramer (Hristov 66’), Mihailov, Witzel; Kokalj, Krukenberg, Dezelac (Ilev 88’)
Goals: Denis Dezelac 1’, 40’, 73’
Man of the Match: Denis Dezelac

Eura 1-1 Siovanija & Teusland, @ Eura

Starting XI: Heuser; Steimle, Jager, Thierse (Maksimov 46’), Vesele; Kramer, Mihailov, Bliznakov; Kogler (Kokalj 60’), Tauscher, Ilev (Ribbeck 90’)
Goals: Thorsten Kramer 68’
Man of the Match: Thorsten Kramer

Siovanija & Teusland National Football Team
Squad Selection - Qualifiers 4 & 5
Home against Pemecutan, away to Kohnhead

GK - Ewald Heuser, Anatoli Sveteikov, Lino Kaberle
LB - Edgar Steimle, Bastian Mendel
CB - Karl-Heinz Jager, Erich Thierse, Taras Maksimov, Tristan Niedermayer
RB - Darijen Vesele, Trude Spitz
CM - Thorsten Kramer, Todor Mihailov, Henrik Martin
LW - Lojze Kokalj, Andrey Bunev
CAM - Leopold Bliznakov, Viktor Dimitrov
RW - Lukas Tauscher, Florian Krukenberg
CF - Michael Ribbeck, Stanimir Ilev, Denis Dezelac

Expected Starting XI vs Pemecutan: Kaberle; Steimle, Maksimov, Niedermayer, Spitz; Kramer, Martin, Dimitrov; Bunev, Krukenberg, Dezelac

Expected Starting XI vs Kohnhead: Heuser; Mendel, Jager, Thierse, Vesele; Kramer, Mihailov, Bliznakov; Kokalj, Tauscher, Ribbeck

by **Sylestone** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:47 pm

PESFIELD, SYLESTONE - With another two matchdays of World Cup Qualification done, Sylestone are sitting pretty in third place on seven points thus far in the tournament. A goalless draw away from home against Legalese gave us a spark of hope, which exploded when we defeated Crystalline Caverns in Pesfield yesterday. The only two sides above us are the Independent Athletes from Quebec, who have a perfect record and Legalese, who we've already played against. Yes, readers, we are indeed ahead of Pot One side Ko-oren, who are below us, if only marginally.

I suppose we'd better start with the Matchday Two game. It was uneventful game from the outset, with neither side proving the others' better as both sides struggling in the forward lines. The Mixer and Tumble Dryer had their worst games for a while, but fortunately for us Sylestoneans, Legalese's unnamed forwards struggled just as much against our superb defence. The result was 0-0, and the Brick Wall had his second clean sheet in a row, a great sign that the side are beginning to peak just at the right time - during qualification.
Reportedly, around a quarter of the stadium was already asleep when the first real chance for either side occurred - in the 33rd minute. The Tumble Dryer ran forward with the ball, before making a perfect pass to the Bar Stool who was advancing quickly to his right. The Bar Stool knocked it on to the Mixer, who, seeing a chance at goal, shot. The ball curved towards the goalkeeper's left hand, but it curved a little too much as it went out of play a couple of metres from the goal. The Mixer breathed a frustrated sigh as the game continued, uneventful as always.
Legalese had the only other chance of the first half in the 42nd minute when their centre midfielder dribbled the ball past the Ironing Board, who fouled him and was given a free kick from ten metres outside the penalty box. The fouled player shot it and for a second it looked like Legalese could take the lead, but the Brick Wall was just too good as he batted it aside like it was the easiest thing in the world, which to him is was because he is a GOD. Anyway, by the time half-time came around, the scoreline was still 0-0 and the world's most boring game remained boring.
After half-time, the game was even more boring. Boring, boring, boring. It's so boring that I can't even be ~~fucked~~ bothered to write any more about the game. Oh well, my boss is making me. So, basically, nothing happened. It wasn't until the 83rd minute when, finally, Legalese broke through. They had waited until the Sylestonean defence dozed off to sleep and they woke up too late. Nearly. Legalese's centre forward was so cocky at his chance to score that he didn't realise that the Drawer was sneaking up behind him. He tried to kick the ball, but the Drawer already had it and fell flat on his face. It was the only interesting thing for the entire match and both sides sighed with relief when the referee blew his whistle to end the match. Finally.

LEGALESE -0

SYLESTONE - 0

Back in Sylestone, a not-so-boring game was played between the hosts and Pot 7 side Crystalline Caverns. Crystalline Caverns kicked off, and immediately had a chance at goal. Captain Alvar Jensson worked his way around the Washing Machine before making a through pass to Opheliet Nandris who was charging towards goal. After receiving the ball, he shot on sight. The ball travelled so quickly is broke through the Brick Wall that was guarding the goals and fell over the line. Two minutes in and Crystalline Caverns were already one goal in the lead. Talk about a shitty start.
However, it wasn't long until Sylestone bounced back. In the 18th minute, the Tumble Dryer received the ball from the Fridge and began to look up the field. He passed to the Mixer, who immediately flicked it back to him, completely fooling Umber Rockwater in the Cavern's centre defence. The star forward then dribbled the ball towards the goal, weaving in and out of defenders before finally booting it at the goal. It whizzed by Elvind Gore's outstretched hand, who later said he didn't even see it and Sylestone had equalised. The stage was set for a great game of football.
Sylestone's next opportunity came in the 31st minute, but a poor shot from the Mixer fell straight into Gore's arms as he through his "head" back and groaned. Then in the 39th minute, Sylestone were awarded a penalty after the Mixer was severely fouled in the penalty area. The Tumble Dryer took the shot and fooled Gore, scoring Sylestone's second goal. The lead was now one, and we were back on top.
After half-time, both sides took to the defence, doing their best to not give anything away. Memories of the game against Legalese came to the forefront of the viewers' minds, but it was not to be. Eventually, in the 76th minute, Jensson once again broke through, but this time could not convert as his shot flew over the crossbar. He put his head in his hands as the pressure began to get to the Caverns' players. They had one last shot, 5 minutes into injury time, but the Brick Wall was too good, throwing one of his precious bricks at the ball as it threatened to pass into the goal. It bobbled to the Dishwasher, who quickly kicked it out, forcing the referee to blow the whistle for full-time.

Sylestone now travel to Schemerdrecht, Ko-oren for their matchday four game against Ko-oren, before coming back to Sentient Oval for their game against the Independent Athletes from Quebec. See you then!

SYLESTONE - 2
Tumble Dryer 18', 39' (p)

RCYSTALLINE CAVERNS - 1
Nandris 2'

by **Quemorr Isles** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 8:06 pm

ESPORTIVAN REGIONAL QUALIFIERS - MATCHDAYS 3&4

Group A

Matchday 3
Sylestone 2–3 Damukuni
Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom 1–2 Newmanistan
Filindostan 2–0 Bongo Johnson
Riena 0–0 Hampton Island
Vangaziland 0–0 South Covello

Matchday 4
Damukuni 4–2 South Covello
Hampton Island 0–1 Vangaziland
Bongo Johnson 0–1 Riena
Newmanistan 3–1 Filindostan
Sylestone 1–2 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom

Group A                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Damukuni                        4    2   2   0     9    6   +3     8
 2 Newmanistan                     4    2   1   1     9    7   +2     7
 3 Hampton Island                  4    2   1   1     3    2   +1     7
 4 Riena                           4    2   1   1     2    1   +1     7
 5 Sylestone                       4    2   0   2    12    9   +3     6
 6 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom       4    2   0   2     7    4   +3     6
 7 Vangaziland                     4    1   2   1     2    2    0     5
 8 South Covello                   4    1   2   1     4    5   −1     5
 9 Filindostan                     4    1   1   2     5    6   −1     4
10 Bongo Johnson                   4    0   0   4     1   12  −11     0

Group B

Matchday 3
Ancherion 1–0 Tumbra
Vdara 3–1 Natanians and Nosts
The Grearish Union 2–5 Xanneria
Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison 2–4 Brenecia
South Newlandia 0–2 Lisander

Matchday 4
Tumbra 0–1 Lisander
Brenecia 1–0 South Newlandia
Xanneria 5–3 Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison
Natanians and Nosts 3–3 The Grearish Union
Ancherion 1–0 Vdara

Group B                            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Ancherion                            4    4   0   0     5    1   +4    12
 2 Lisander                             4    3   1   0     6    2   +4    10
 3 Xanneria                             4    3   0   1    15   10   +5     9
 4 Brenecia                             4    3   0   1     8    5   +3     9
 5 Vdara                                4    2   0   2     7    6   +1     6
 6 South Newlandia                      4    2   0   2     3    4   −1     6
 7 Natanians and Nosts                  4    1   1   2     7    8   −1     4
 8 The Grearish Union                   4    0   2   2     9   13   −4     2
 9 Tumbra                               4    0   0   4     2    7   −5     0
10 Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalison       4    0   0   4     5   11   −6     0

Game of the Day
Riena and Hampton Island fought out a hard 0-0 draw, with both sides being named as serious contenders for qualification. It showed with neither side really being able to break through, forcing a draw on matchday 3 of Group A. After four games, the two sides are next to each other on eight points, with the higher-ranked Hampton Island in third.

Upset of the Day
Hampton Island takes yet another mention, after blowing what should have been an easy win at home to the Pot 9 side of Vangaziland. While the away side is very good at some other sports, such as lacrosse, they aren't much good at football, but they still were too good for Hampton Island. Somehow.

by **Chromatika** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 8:10 pm

Matchday 2: United States of Devonta 1-0 Chromatika
DEV: Forward '24; CMT: None
Starting XI: Tioux; Chapman - Will - Ken - Pomeroy; Victoriane (C) - Zuniga - Kuznetsov; Kuzami; Non - Andisori, B.
Substitutes: De Saint-Pierre -> Chapman ('56), Kim, M.J. -> Kuzami ('71), Andisori, K. -> Non ('84)
Matchday 3: Chromatika 7-2 Eastfield Lodge @ The Islander Dome, Myana, Myana Island
CMT: Non '14, Victoriane '33, Kuzami '45+1, Andisori, B. '51, Han '69, Gainsbourg '77, '90+2
Starting XI: Tioux; Chapman - Will - Ken - Pomeroy; Victoriane (C) - Zuniga - Kuznetsov; Kuzami; Non - Andisori, B.
Substitutes: Rondeau -> Will ('48), Han -> Kuznetsov ('68), Gainsbourg -> Andisori, B. ('74)

Starting XI Grades for Devonta and Eastfield Lodge

GK Ferret Tioux: 6/10
Tioux played an admirable game against Devonta in the face of a rather bad outing by the midfield, only conceding one goal in eleven attempts in an affair where Chromatika struggled. Then, he gave up two goals in transition to Eastfield Lodge, though with the way that even the defense was heading up the field, it can be argued that that isn't entirely his fault. Not the best pair of matches, but decent.

RB Dina Chapman 7/10
Held up remarkably against Devonta, and was instrumental in two of the goals scored against Eastfield Lodge. Continues to be a bright spot in transition, wasn't noteworthy in positive nor negative ways for most of the matches.

CB Kattie Will 6.5/10
Was beaten by the Devontan forward in the only goal conceded in the first match, and missed three easy passes in the second match. Did make three tackles in the second half that stopped three Eastfielder chances.

CB Giles Ken 5.5/10
Looked tired often in the match against Devonta, being caught out. Had a much better showing against Eastfield Lodge, but needs to work on his conditioning or get over whatever bug he's had.

LB Nina Pomeroy 7.5/10
The bright light of the backfield for these two matches, assisted on two goals in the Eastfield Lodge match while contributing solid minutes.

RW Kaytlyn Victoriane 7.5/10
Had the only real chance on goal against Devonta, missing by inches. Scored once on Eastfield Lodge, and was a big part of the probing attacking style.

DM Kateryna Zuniga 8/10
Led the team on the pitch in communication and tackles, and assisted on four goals scored against Eastfield Lodge. Looks ready to step into the spotlight.

LW Vasiliy Marten Kuznetsov 6.5/10
Though he didn't score himself, Kuznetsov assisted in two goals and was a busybody all over the field.

AM Mimi Kuzami 7/10
Scored once and assisted once against Eastfield Lodge; made forays to the Devontan third multiple times.

ST Kristian Non 6/10
One goal, two assists against Eastfield Lodge. Looked lost at times against Devonta.

ST Beaunia Andisori 6/10
One goal, one assist against Eastfield Lodge. Was hobbled a bit in the Devontan match, but toughed it out.

World Cup 87 Qualifiers, Part 3: The Missing Person

M I S S I N G

Name: Celebrity RaeAnn Hauser
Age: 18
Hometown: Eyrods, Myana Island, Chromatika
Summary: Celebrity RaeAnn Hauser, daughter to Dr. Handel Hauser and Miriame-Gabrielle Hauser, both scientists at the Eyrodii Jungle Excavation Project, was last seen by a security guard leaving the premises of their abode at 2300 hours on the 22nd day. She has been reported to be wearing a black hooded sweater, jeans, and sneakers. She has dark-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a birthmark on her left cheek of three dots in a triangular shape.

If you've seen Ms. Hauser, please contact the Chromatik police or her parents at the number listed below.

Eyrods Police Phone Number: XXX-XXXX
Dr. Handel Hauser Phone Number: YYY-YYYY
Mrs. Hauser Phone Number: ZZZ-ZZZZ

A message was sent to Haley Hauser, as well...

It's been three days since her departure, with no contact. What had befallen dear Celebrity?

Chromatik Team for WC Qualifying - Matchday 4 @ Mavinet and Matchday 5 vs. Arklanda @ Z'ai'ai Field, Z'ai'ai, Mountain District
Projected Starting XI: Fillar, J.; De Saint-Pierre - Rondeau - Baugh - Austic; Marc - Dias (C) - Reynolds; Hauser; Gainsbourg - Thibodeaux.
Reserves: Descombes; Watt, Odling, Ingram, Nocturne, Rowles; Kelly, Larriet-Cortes, Croix-Pierre; Fillar, B.; Andisori, K., Toussaint.

by **Hebitaka** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 8:28 pm

A man is sitting in the center in a chair. The camera rolls and the filming begins.

Host: Hey what's up everyone. Hope you guys are doing well. Welcome to the Soccer United. This is a show where we talk about football in Hebitaka and this is your host Raj Yadav and today we have our guests, Imura Roshii, former coach of the Hebitakish national team along with Naveen Ali, the manager of Demolishers FC from SLA. So Mr. Ali it is looking like that your team has got a lot of foreign transfers, according to stats raising up to 13 foreign transfer in this season. Are you putting your confidence more on overseas players?

Ali: Not quite. The reason for so many transfers is that the Hebitakish players currently are getting old. And currently there are very less overseas in the league. I am looking to buy comperatively cheaper and younger foreigners, train them for about a year and sell them over in the domestic transfers earning quite the profit.

Roshii: So, a marketing strategy. Good one.

Raj: Well what do you say about this Sir Roshii. You've been manager of Athletic Club. How does this strategy sound.

Roshii: Hmm. This strategy technically is not new. It has been a norm to take in youth players, train em and make them great enough to get a good fortune. The only thing new is that it is done to foreign free transfers. All of the players are free right?

Ali: Not all. Mersias is a bought player. The most paid foreigner in the league yet.

Raj: The 23 year old Indussian Striker Mersias bought for 4 million NSD.What expectations you have for him. Is he also a buy for sale or for play.

Ali: For play of course. He's 23. If we start training him now to increase his market value, it will take him 5 years at minimum to reach value of 5 million. At that point he would already be 29. If a player like him were to leave, it would be upsetting for both players as well as fans.

Raj: Oh. That's great. Now, how about we talk a bit international. The world cup qualifiers already finished it's third matchday. 2 wins and a draw, 3rd position with 7 points. As a former coach, what remarks do you have on the games.

Roshii: Hmm. Let's break it down. First game vs Widaya. A win of 1-0. Masake's great goal.

Ali: Yup. The team surely was on form that day.

Raj: You saw the game.

Ali: No but I heard from a friend.

Roshii: You heard wrong then. The team played really bitter. All defensive. The victory was only possible because of Tinnu's great keeping. Masake's final minute goal was great, but it would have been useless without Tinnu's saves. Great guy, deserved the MOTM.

Raj: Ok. What about the recent matches. What do you say?

Roshii: Excellent game. The way the team played against Widya, it looked a sheer loss against Khytonya. But the team turned the tides and won 2-0. One goal from Vijay and one from Ravi. Great team coordination, perfect example of how to shine as a team rather than being alone. The defense, the offense completely outshined Khytonya. And as of the final game, I still could not beleive it.

Raj and Ali laughes.

Roshii: (Laughing) I ... If someone were to say me now that the result was a prank and Hebitaka lost, I would still believe them. I mean how. The victory chances of Vilta were above 90% and the chance of draw was like 4 or 5 %. Still the team went on to a scoreless end of 0-0. I salute the defense for being able to defend the likes of International level players like Tarala and Alabonni who have been in the World cup winning team three times while the defenders were like, their caps are still in single digit!(Jokingly)

All of them chuckle and laugh a bit.

Raj: Well let's get serious now. What do you think of the upcoming games. I mean the team has yet to face a lot more. The fourth game against Balqia. What do you have to say for them.

Roshii: Nothing much except for the fact that the team is comparatively new. Qualified for the final 32 in WC 83 and seemingly that is their best result in the WC. The team is currently ranked at 123.

Raj: Well who do you think will shine in this game.

Roshii: The chances are still for the opponent. With quite the stronger team than the falcons, Balqian team is quite the tough. The team's strategy is equally distributed for the offense as well as the defense. Players like Janus Topolin would annoy the likes of Kazuto and Talukdar while the defense of Ratnik and Elioviq might be a hurdle for Vijay and the Masake brothers.

Raj: That was quite the analysis. But who among these players do you think will shine as a star in this upcoming game.

Roshii: Of course it is going to be the midfeilders. I have my bet on Raziq and Kareli.

Raj: Wait what? You didn't even take their names the first time. I mean why do you think the midfielders will shine even though they are not as great hurdle as strikers or defenders in this game.

Roshii: Isn't it simple. While Hebitaka only has a slight dependency on strike, the strategy of equal defensive and offensive play. This means none of the teams are offensive or defensive. And that means a trouble for the midfielder. If opposition is offensive, the midfielders play a defensive role helping it to stop goals, while in case the opposition is defensive, the mid players help the striker score goals. But in this case both are equally strong and hence the midfield has to maintain both the help provided to the defenders and the coordination to the strikers. This means more trouble. And greater the trouble, the greater chance to overcome them and hence a greater chance to shine.

Raj: Well said sir. Now i move to sir Ali. What do you have to say about the game against Zeta Reka & Hugeltaldom?

Ali: Hmm. Seeing the rankings, this team is in higher position than the previous one. Hence Hebitaka has even lesser chance to win. But the thing about this team is that the team is comparatively newer and is yet to qualify for the final 32. The team's strategy is quite different from Balqia as well. The team believes more in speed and strike with stronger forwards like B Rawić and A Gal helped by rather agile midfielders like S Gröss and Z Kolarowić. Gonna be a good challenge to the defense.

Raj: So which players do you think will shine for this one.

Ali: My bets on Rawic and Vijay.

Raj: Both Strikers?

Ali: I know with a more offensive opponent the defense has more chance to shine. But if we look at it, Hebitaka is slightly offensive, and since stronger offense means comparitvely weaker defense, the likes of Vijay and Masake shining are more.

Raj: Well I guess the time is running out. I have to finish the interview now. Well you guys don't go anywhere cause this is just the end of this segment. We are going to take a small break and return to our next segment where we meet the players and have a look how the domestic players of FC Daredevils and how their practice is going without the help of internationally experienced players. Thank you.

by **Geektopia** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:32 pm

A New Web Blog Series Thing: The Molecular Level Ep. 2 | Legend: --- Arturo Vitriol

--- » Welcome back, listeners, and it looks like I'm welcoming you to the second episode of this one already. Oops, didn't mean to, that should be on the second paragraph. Well it's fine anyway, listeners, because I was all pent-up and angry for what I talked about last time, but I've slept for a few days and recorded what I dreamt of, so in this opening section we're gonna talk about our dreams for a bit, and I'll reveal a new mail-in function on our website after I share my dreams and ask you to share yours.

--- » So, remarkably I drank warm milk and got my sleep in it's full eight hours five days ago, but nothing came to my mind when I was asleep. That's why on the fourth to last day, I turned something on in my room and got real cozy, I suppose it was a.. uh.. yes! That one World cup Qualifying game of us winning at our newly renovated stadium, Isleshore. That one game two campaigns ago that sent a shockwave across the multiverse and established that we were more of a home-winning side which weren't to be trifled with, not withstanding when we were on the road against other nations, of course. So I had a dream that I was a ticketholder for that game, I was on my duty for all of the ninety minutes, and by post match, there was this one crazy woman with the forename of Manju, (I don't know how I remember it) who walked up to my stand and said, "If your board hadn't dropped Loui out of international football entirely, maybe you could have racked up two or three against us. Disgraceful, I loved him!". She promptly spat in my eyes afterwards, but then subliminally winked at me as she walked away from the booth!? I don't know what she was talking about because Loui was in that game against Starblaydia, it felt so surreal, I can't properly paraphrase what went on before going into a long conspiracy theory.

--- » What do you guys make of it? This question and details about your dreams can be answered in the pop-up prompt which activates every 5 seconds you're on the website and click off of it until you either leave or concede to making an account. From there on, you can browse your cursor over the heading which reads "Mail-in", click on it, and submit what I ask you to on this show! Amazing!

--- » For the main theme of the episode, I'm going to go over chemicals and their etymologies as I always try to, and also skim over the political bits to keep it authentic. We have another alliterative edition, with both of our molecules of the week being Thyroxine and Tetrafluroethane, the main difference between these two being that Tetrafluroethane isn't a cancer agent and Thyroxine is. Now I can't have one of these materials in a refrigerant to play around with of course, my show isn't just being carried by myself, it's mainstream existence also depends on whether I anger my censors or not, and this material that I'm going to introduce first is going to be a hell of a controversial one, so it's not going to be on the show, but we'll talk about it a lot anyways.

--- » Tetrafluroethane is admired by a lot of citizens in our country and even some people with high social standing are proposing vigorously to add it to the traditional table of elements because it's a propellant to cannons, and people can use this to fight our gun control laws by counter-proposing a treaty that was made one thousand years ago and still stands today. The "If You Don't Have Gunpowder In Your Gun, You Can Carry It Everywhere" treaty advocates for exactly what is titled. Unemployed scientists who are against gun control and probably don't get employed for that very reason have designed a heterogenous mix of propellant which is made 25% from the material we speak of here, Tetrafluroethane, 60% percent gunstone, and 15% fiberlubricant. Surprisingly, it is a valid mixture, and has shot nineteen out of twenty times when prompted inside of a Chrome Revolver, which cues me to ask, why aren't civilians who are vying for this civil exercise also nominate fiberlubricant and gunstone to be canonical elements too, if they have the time?

--- » So, that's Tetrafluroethane for you, it's controversies, it's chemical use. Pretty much everything to cover has been covered besides the structural formula of this odd, mysterious, chemical and how to remember it, just in case you're asked for what it looks like in a nuclear lab. So, what I like to imagine here, this photo for me is a representation of criminal justice in our country. So we have two police officers in the middle here, marked by the letter C. And so we also have fools, marked by their respective letter F, on the top, the left side, and the bottom left side. These fools are also backed up by hooligans, who have their own letter as well, I'm sure by now you know what it is, now that I've singled every group of chemicals out. Now these hooligans and fools have completely encircled the cops, but the cops are stronger and work together in motion, just as chemicals of the same kind would, so you know, these cops are definitely comin' for that ass and bringing six handcuffs while they do it. Fortunately for us, this molecule's state of matter isn't a solid or a liquid, it's a gas, which means that these molecules move fast, up to two thousands miles an hour. So you can just metaphorically imagine there's this unending pain for these looneys as the two officers completely pulverize the crap out of them at two thousand miles an hour. Now that's what a law-abiding Geekopian likes to see!

--- » For our next chemical to be explained, we'll have to go through metabolic rates and how these processes can't go through too soon or too late, especially in the thyroid gland, which is located in the neck, or more specifically in one's neck just below the larynx, which is more commonly known as the voice box. The thyroid gland is one of a number of glands which affects heart rate and regulates body temperature. If one has metabolism in their thyroid occurring faster or slower than the healthy average, serious health problems can arise. Thyroxine regulates the metabolic rate that goes through such glands of the body, so you also can't have too much or too little of it. The side effects are numerous when they're noticeable, if one doesn't have enough of these levels of thyroxine in their body they get tired and gain weight, vice versa if one has too much.

--- » Now where in the body this thyroxin exactly comes from isn't debated anymore, used to be a hot topic in the 500s, when Kwandoans had more intelligent questions than we do now. Two hormones produce the unusually iodine-high chemical and those are: TRH and TSH, the former being a thyrotropin releaser and the latter a thyroid stimulator. TRH is a very short-lived secretion in it's life of travel to the pituitary gland, where it secretes the TSH for the TSH to then produce triiodothyroxine, then the thyroxin (produced by TRH and TSH earlier) fulfills it's role and with triiodothyroxine, initiates some sort of a feedback loop to increase quantities of itself to prevent the release of thyrotropin-releasing hormones in the bloodstream. As you can imagine, this series of events is vital for the rest of the body to maintain thyroid hormones, especially in some concentrations in the thyroid itself. No, what am I saying, the thyroid is part of the throat, hormones for it aren't necessary in other parts of the body! Stupid.

--- » If one is undersupplied with iodine, which has a high concentration in thyroxin, one gets a lump in the neck. Goitre doesn't hurt that much to have, it's just uncomfortable baggage. Natural enthusiasts who'd rather not utilize modern medicine and own beach houses on Isleshore can just go outside and look around their environment for sponge and seaweed to treat the ailment, but sources say that these sponge-swallowers who think that their affliction might not ever go away sometimes keep eight seaweed-caked sponges in their gallbladder for days at a time. This is very crafty of them, although scientists say that both of these materials have a fundamental role in the ecosystem as well as the economy of the many port cities in the Isleshore province, including province capital Isleshore which contains the enclave city of Chiseled Cheddar Bay, just 10 miles left off of Chiseled Cheddar Port.

--- » Seaweed is used in many countries that are extensive in maritime knowledge and is wanted by countries that are extensive in maritime knowledge, so we can't economically be better if there's not more capital for more things to export, and seaweed is one of the things these selfish yoga-pant wearing hipsters are keeping in their esophagus that the government wants to export. The algae wasn't much of an accommodation until yesterday, when nearly everyone in Cheddar Port attained cases of Goitre, or "Derbyshire neck" due to low levels of personal health from the quality of living for the poor. No one knows why now, but the physical illness is airborne-contagious, now rich people in the country can stop saying they're born from gods and that everyone's after their body, because no one will be when their neck swells up to the size of an ostrich egg.

--- » You guys know how sponges are vital to the environment, right? I don't need to explain it in more than two sentences as our beautiful coral systems simply wouldn't survive without sponges, and a lot more marine life than you think simply wouldn't survive without coral. Why don't these idiots just pay for the medication before I blow a vein?

Dinitrophenol & Dichlorodifluoromethane

Fluvannia 1-1 Geektopia <> 19,899 @ Takeuchi Park Stadium, Charlottesville, Fluvannia
Goals: 42' #30 Ponti (assisted by #37 Foletta), 44' Chad Gordon (assisted by Ivan Mcdaniel)

Substitutions: 8' | #30 Ponti in for replacement of #27 Swenty, 8' | #4 Livengood in for replacement of #29 Diminno, 52' | #23 Rebimbas in for replacement of #6 Germaine Sophie, 56' | #20 Rinnert in for replacement of #37 Foletta, 56' | #5 Dargy in for replacement of #13 Julio

Player's Marks:
LERTORA: 6.5
ABDILL: 6.5
PITTER: 6.5
GERMAIN SOPHIE: 6.5
MATKOWSKI: 6.5
SDAO: 6.5
SWENTY: 6.5 ⬇️
JULIO: 6.5 ⬇️
FOLETTA: 7.0 ⬇️
GERMAINE SOPHIE: 6.5 ⬇️
DIMINNO: 6.5 ⬇️
—————————————————
PONTI: 8.0 ⬆️
LIVENGOOD: 6.5 ⬆️
DARGY: 6.3 ⬆️
RINNERT: 6.0 ⬆️
REBIMBAS: 6.5 ⬆️

Geektopia 4-2 HUElavia <> 39,780 @ Isleshore Stadium, Isleshore, Geektopia
Goals: 8’ #14 Sdao (assisted by #19 Germain Sophie), 29’ #7 Mark Navarro (assisted by #20 Melissa Reveles), 45’ #14 Sdao (assisted by #22 Lertora), 70’ #30 Ponti (assisted by #14 Sdao), 75’ #7 Mark Navarro (assisted by #15 Manuel Mendieta), 88’ #30 Ponti (assisted by #25 Manese)

Substitutions: 18’ | #13 Julio in for replacement of #5 Dargy, 18’ | #23 Rebimbas in for replacement of #6 Germaine Sophie, 56’ | #4 Livengood in for replacement of #29 Diminno, 64’ | #30 Ponti in for replacement of #27 Swenty, 78’ | #25 Manese in for replacement of #37 Foletta

Player's Marks:
LERTORA: 7.5
GERMAIN SOPHIE: 7.5
PITTER: 7.0
ABDILL: 7.0
MATKOWSKI: 7.0
SDAO: 9.3
DARGY: 7.0 ⬇️
SWENTY: 7.0 ⬇️
FOLETTA: 7.0 ⬇️
GERMAINE SOPHIE: 7.0 ⬇️
DIMINNO: 7.0 ⬇️
—————————————————
JULIO: 7.0 ⬆️
LIVENGOOD: 7.0 ⬆️
DARGY: 7.0 ⬆️
PONTI: 9.0 ⬆️
MANESE: 7.5 ⬆️

by **Acronius** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:58 pm

Weaver's Boys go three rounds
Acronia emerge unbeaten following consecutive matches against top three seeds in Group 3
James E. Sudlow (@SudlowUP)
^{Sports | Lionsgate, Acronia}

^{SHARE THIS:}

Acronia 1 — 0 Busoga Islands

BUS - 4-3-3 (DM)
GK - Mustafa Taal
RB - Abdullah Guennoun
CB - Govind Nigam
CB - Hassan Thiaw
LB - Mohammed Gassama
CM - Jay Khano
CDM - Delbin Kasakende
CM - Cicek Aga
RW - Upanshu Paramartha
LW - Kamu Jacobs (C)
CF - Sarika Birla

ACR - 4-3-3 (DM)
GK - Michael Rowland
RB - Gabriel Milton
CB - Roger Meyo
CB - Jérôme Karam
LB - Samuel Njoku
CM - Michael Fromme
CDM - Marin Trésor (C)
CM - David Garner
RW - Victor Pax
LW - Loïc Taubira
CF - David Pascale

Match Events
Karam - '7
Fromme - '34

Baykal/Aga - '56
Milton - '65

Ornet/Birla - '67
Akgun/Khano - '73
St-Saëns/Pax - '76
Egan/Pascale - '78
Traoré/Fromme - '90

Baykal - '90+2
Jacobs - '90+4

Goalscorers
Taubira - '78
x
No goalscorers

LIONSGATE, ACRONIA — In a twist of fate, Acronia has defied the odds to defend their home at Union Park and emerge victorious against Group 3's third seed, Busoga Islands, on matchday 2 of the World Cup 78 qualification campaign. In a game of inches, it would be a solitary Loïc Taubira goal that would provide Acronia with its first win of the campaign following a 2—2 draw against Cassadaigua on matchday 1. The shock result catapulted Acronia to 2nd place in the group, trailing behind only Cassadaigua after the Fillies' convincing 5—3 victory against Flavovespia put them in pole position on goal difference. The Acronian lineup was largely unchanged from its matchday 1 excursion, with only Gabriel Milton and Victor Pax coming in at right-back and right-wing respectively to replace Ibrahim Obeng and Antony Saint-Saëns — decisions by manager James Weaver which would prove crucial, as Milton would go on to assist the only goal and win a man of the match award.

The game at Union Park was a tight and cagey affair, perhaps unbefitting a heavily attack-minded team like Acronia, but the fixture would nevertheless prove to be ample entertainment for the thousands cheering on from the stands. The Busogans played a very patient possession-based game, gradually working up the field in rhythmic passing patterns to create chances, forcing Acronia to play in an unfamiliar defensive style, with goalkeeper Michael Rowland saving his team on more than one occasion, to build on his solid performance against Cassadaigua. A series of dangerous Busogan attacks culminating in shots from the likes of Sarika Birla and Kamu Jacobs would ultimately prove fruitless, with both teams walking back to the dressing rooms empty-handed at half-time.

Perhaps emboldened by their ability to ward off the Busogans for all of 45 minutes however, the Acronians set out at the resumption of play with less tact and more guile, slowly growing out of its total defense mentality to launch counterattacks with increasing frequency. Right winger Victor Pax can count himself unlucky for only managing to nick the crossbar with his 69th minute half-volley off a David Garner corner kick, but it would eventually be Pax's counterpart on the opposite wing, Loïc Taubira, who would steal the show 9 minutes later. Feeding off a 60-yard pass from Gabriel Milton, Taubira skillfully knocked the ball past Busogan right-back Abdullah Guennoun and unleashed a ferocious shot into the top corner of the goal's near side from 20 yards out, with Mustafa Taal only managing to get the slightest fingertip touch on the ball.

The final quarter of an hour or so of the game following Taubira's strike would see the visitors change significantly in mentality, switching to a much more direct and offensive style of football which once again forced Acronia into defense — deep-lying forward Paul Egan, brought on to replace David Pascale up top immediately after the goal in the 78th minute, was left with hardly anything to do for his international debut. The Busogans grew increasingly combative as time began to run out, with substitute Osman Baykal and captain Kamu Jacobs both picking up bookings in stoppage time. Their efforts would prove fruitless however, and Acronia would emerge victorious at Union Park with a narrow win against Group 3's third seed. There would be no time for resting on laurels though, for their next fixture pitted them against Group 3's second seed, Flavovespia.

Flavovespia 0 — 0 Acronia

ACR - 4-3-3 (DM)
GK - Michael Rowland
RB - Gabriel Milton
CB - Augustin Sani
CB - Jérôme Karam
LB - Samuel Njoku
CM - Michael Fromme
CDM - Marin Trésor (C)
CM - David Garner
RW - Antony St-Saëns
LW - Loïc Taubira
CF - David Pascale

FVA - 4-4-2 (D)
GK - David Meehan
RB - David Blythe
CB - Tony Gardner
CB - Ian Cohen
LB - Scott Vaughan
CDM - James King
RM - Christopher Ace
LM - Jonathan Feld
CAM - Steven Hall
CF - Ramon Martin
CF - Scott Coleman

Match Statistics
0
15
10
61%
696
80%
11
1
0
1
9
0
7
4
39%
392
84%
12
1
0
1
5
Goals
Shots
Shots on target
Possession
Passes
Pass Accuracy
Fouls
Yellow cards
Red cards
Offsides
Corners

Goalscorers
No goalscorers
x
No goalscorers

MARTHORPE, FLAVOVESPIA — Defying the bookmakers for a third consecutive game, Acronia travelled away to the sleek, jet-black City Arena in the city of Marthorpe for a tricky fixture against Flavovespia — and somehow emerged largely unscathed. The match in the centre-east of the island nation was a goalless one, with an uncharacteristically resilient Acronian defense frustrating the home team and just about managing to rebuke all 15 of the locals' attempts on goal. Clad in their signature black and yellow kits, the Hornets, as they are known, were a force to be reckoned with despite the scoreline, and showed great agency and ability both in defense and attack, going on to rack up 61% of possession, 26 out of 33 shots, and 696 out of 1088 passes throughout the game. Acronia's performance should not be discounted either though, with Weaver's men proving themselves largely capable of matching the Flavovespians' guile on the pitch despite a rather significant 59-place disparity between the two sides in the world rankings — Flavovespia are 41st whilst Acronia are 100th.

The matchday 3 fixture was primarily a battle contested in the midfield rather than a more dynamic end-to-end affair, something which ultimately hugely benefited Acronia whilst working to the detriment of Flavovespia, facilitating in large part the away side's ability to walk out of Marthorpe with a point. The reasons for this can be explained simply by looking at the formations employed by either side. Acronia employs a rather standard 4-3-3 with the most central member of its midfield three, Marin Trésor, being slightly pushed back into a defensive midfield position, whilst David Garner and Michael Fromme also maintain central positions they scarcely deviate from. Consequently, Acronia's middle third and front third are largely separate entities, with the former feeding the latter rather than the two blending with each other.

Conversely, Flavovespia lines up in a diamond midfield, a choice which greatly stimulates the team's attacking play by linking all three sections of the team — defense, midfield, and attack — using a defensive midfielder and an attacking midfielder as gateways into each third. The result is a very unified lineup which can easily move the ball to any area of the pitch as a consequence, something evidenced by the impressive number of shots they were able to challenge goalkeeper Michael Rowland with. However, with lateral midfielders Jonathan Feld and Christopher Ace constantly moving up the flanks due to the fact that they are primarily charged with playmaking, and attacking midfielder Steven Hall charged with almost outright offensive duties, this more or less leaves only holding midfielder James King in the middle third, shouldering the defensive responsibilities of four players, and leaving him outnumbered two to one by Michael Fromme and David Garner when Acronia moves the ball through its midfield on the counterattack.

To compensate, Feld and Ace must deviate from their lateral positions and adapt into unfamiliar central positions to help King defend when Acronia regain possession, stunting Flavovespia's ability to press on with their attacking prowess and round off the Acronians — and because Feld and Ace then need time to reposition themselves on the flanks when their team gets the ball back, this also gives time for Garner and Fromme to move back and defend. This dynamic results in a very choppy game largely centered in the midfield, and one dominated by a recurring theme of constant possession switches, with both teams unable to break through the other's ranks. This in turn potentially deprived the Flavovespians of another 10 or 15 opportunities to attack and shoot, something which almost certainly would have finally beaten Michael Rowland, who already looked worn out after warding off the 15 shots the home side did end up mustering.

Though this Acronian side has shown great promise in producing a 1-2-0 record against the top 3 seeds of the group back-to-back-to-back despite disparities in ranking in all three fixtures, it is now crucial that they continue in their current form for their upcoming matches in the first half of the qualification campaign. Draws or losses to 315th-ranked Hispinas, 259th-ranked Muralos, or unranked Nacaltora, for instance, would be enough to undo all the hard work Acronia put in to produce results against 4th-ranked Cassadaigua, 79th-ranked Busoga Islands, and 41st-ranked Flavovespia — but then again, completely bottling it now after those performances would be the most distinctly Acronian course of action one could take. Weaver's boys will be taking on Hispinas back home at Union Park next, before then traveling to the Dynamo Stadium in Nord-Urbo for a matchday 5 fixture against Muralos.

beanwheelie · 30 minutes ago
RECORD BREAKING BOTTLEJOB IMMINENT. THE GODS ORDAIN IT
2,801 up · 162 down
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EmeraldCityHarmony82 · 29 minutes ago
Marin Trésor should be dropped under NO circumstances.
1,111 up · 326 down
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yongleemperor_zhudi · seconds ago
i've been chasing an acronian around my apartment for a month and i swear to god im about to have a stroke
578,183,53 up · 0 down
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World Cup 87 Qualification Campaign - Union of Acronian Kingdoms

Schedule
MD1: Cassadaigua 2—2 Acronia @Dagan Airways Stadium, Concord Heights (A)
MD2: Acronia 1—0 Busoga Islands @Union Park, Lionsgate (H)
MD3: Flavovespia 0—0 Acronia @City Arena, Marthorpe (A)
MD4: Acronia vs. Hispinas @Union Park, Lionsgate (H)
MD5: Muralos vs. Acronia @Dynamo Stadium, Nord-Urbo (A)
MD6: Acronia vs. Nacaltora @Union Park, Lionsgate (H)
MD7: Havynwilde vs. Acronia @Uvenstadion Superparc, Iyes (A)
MD8: Acronia vs. Central Shaneville @Union Park, Lionsgate (H)
MD9: TJUN-ia vs. Acronia @Beregozera Stadium, Szensky (A)

MD10: Acronia vs. Cassadaigua @Atlas Arena, Defense (H)
MD11: Busoga Islands vs. Acronia @Lakiska City Field, Lakiska (A)
MD12: Acronia vs. Flavovespia @Atlas Arena, Defense (H)
MD13: Hispinas vs. Acronia @??? (A)
MD14: Acronia vs. Muralos @Atlas Arena, Defense (H)
MD15: Nacaltora vs. Acronia @??? (A)
MD16: Acronia vs. Havynwilde @Atlas Arena, Defense (H)
MD17: Central Shaneville vs. Acronia @Red Bull Arena, Shaneville City (A)
MD18: Acronia vs. TJUN-ia @Atlas Arena, Defense (H)

Goals
Michael Fromme - 1
David Pascale - 1
Loïc Taubira - 1
Assists
David Garner - 1
Loïc Taubira - 1
Gabriel Milton - 1
Yellow Cards
Michael Fromme - 2
Jérôme Karam - 2
Ibrahim Obeng - 1
David Garner - 1
Gabriel Milton - 1
Red Cards
None
Man of the Match
Michael Fromme - 1
Michael Rowland - 1
Gabriel Milton - 1

Appearances
Michael Rowland - 3
Samuel Njoku - 3
Jérôme Karam - 3
Marin Trésor - 3
David Garner - 3
Michael Fromme - 3
Loïc Taubira - 3
David Pascale - 3
Antony St-Saëns - 2(1)
Roger Meyo - 2(1)
Gabriel Milton - 2
Victor Pax - 1(1)
Ibrahim Obeng - 1
Dino Sani - 1
Ahmed Traoré - 0(2)
Paul Egan - 0(2)
Alex Grémillon - 0(1)
Matthew Hurst - 0(1)
x

STARTING XI VS HISPINAS
(MD4, Home)
4-3-3 (DM)

PASCALE
TAUBIRA ------------ PAX

GARNER ------ FROMME
TRÉSOR

NJOKU ------------ MILTON
KARAM --- MEYO

ROWLAND

x

STARTING XI VS MURALOS
(MD5, AWAY)
4-3-3 (DM)

PASCALE
TAUBIRA ---------- ST-SAËNS

GARNER ------ FROMME
TRÉSOR

NJOKU ---------- MILTON
KARAM --- MEYO

ROWLAND

x

by **Wrecker** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 10:15 pm

The President’s House, Halsted
Sometime during World Cup 87 Qualifier Match 3: Wreckeria v. Darmen
Arnold Martin, the president of Wreckeria, had been brought in several years before as a man that could look past the disputes that the Party of Pride and the True Wreckerians had gone through over the years. The two parties and its partisans had been responsible for 54 years of violence, and for the last several years, there had been an uneasy peace between the two groups, simply because people were just plain tired of violence. Plain tired of war. Plain tired of losing friends, family, coworkers, classmates and what have you to a random shelling of an area thought to be an outpost for one side or the other.

Every day at 6 p.m., Arnold would get into his car and drive around a part of Halsted that had been desecrated by the violence. He’d go by an old automobile factory that had been bombed one day. Or maybe another day he’d pull over and look at the shell of an apartment complex that had been burnt from the inside out. Maybe he’d go out to see the old National Stadium, some of its charred remains still standing amidst the unfinished construction, construction that had ended abruptly due to the government running out of funds.

There was no publicity intended with these trips; Arnold just wanted to remind himself of where his nation had been, as a not-so-gentle reminder to keep on keeping on. To keep building Wreckeria past its reputation as the land that always warred, the laughingstock of Atlantian Oceania, a place nobody wanted to go to, even to drive through. It was about that time again, and not really pleased with the way the World Cup Qualifying match was going – Wreckeria was already down 2-1 in the 44th minute – Arnold turned the TV off, left the President’s House and went for a ride.

This had been a bad week for Arnold. He had gone through a lot of those lately. Extreme right-wingers from the True Wreckerians had started howling loudly about what a sham the coalition government had been, that government led by Arnold Martin and featuring members of both rival parties. They had started howling several months before, talking about how crime in Halsted and all over Wreckeria was going up ever since the economy had collapsed. People were losing jobs by the day, almost by the minute, it seemed.

They had howled that Arnold’s plan of assisting businesses in trouble had done more harm than good. They argued that the Martin plan of intervention had only aided the more high-profile businesses while ignored the mom-and-pop businesses that lined the main streets of small town Wreckeria. And as more businesses went under, as more people lost their jobs, more and more people were howling. And the cries of “sham government” went more mainstream.

Arnold felt those cries were counterproductive. He demanded that those more extreme right-wingers “either provide a solution or sit down and shut up.”

“We’re in this together,” Arnold shouted to those right-wingers in Wreckerian parliament. “I’m sick and tired of people shouting and complaining but not offering a solution to the problem. I’m not the only person in power here. I’m not the only person that runs this damned government. My door’s just as open to you as it is everyone else, so you either provide a solution or sit down and shut up!”

That did little to quell matters. In fact, those right-wingers felt empowered by Arnold’s admonishment – he had acknowledged their presence. He had legitimized their argument, and many felt that doing so was one of the biggest blunders he could have possibly made. The day before this one, some of these right-wingers, led by True Wreckerian whip Sally Fortune, called for President Martin’s resignation “or we’re going to start taking action.”

“You asked us to provide a solution a week ago,” Fortune said. “Well, here’s our solution. You offer your resignation, right here and right now and give the command to someone who’s actually going to do something about these dire straits we’re in. Since you don’t seem to be all that interested in fixing this mess we’re in, how about you step aside and let some of us from the True Wreckerians do the right thing?”

Fortune, who represents the western suburbs of Sprague, the third-largest city in Wreckeria, was growing angrier and angrier with her cries.

“And I’ll tell you something else, Mr. President, if you don’t leave the office, we’ll take you out of it. You’re engaging in dereliction of duty and we’re going to put a stop to it.”

The cries angered some more moderate True Wreckerians and all of the Party of Pride, but to Fortune and her ilk, it was about getting Wreckeria out of the economic difficulties they were facing. She couldn’t care less about what anyone else thought. They were going to take power, one way or another.

Arnold thought about those cries as he pulled up to a city block on the outskirts of Halsted, a block that had been gutted. He pulled his car off to the side of the road and got out. As he walked around the block, he looked down to spot some shrapnel from an explosive device that had gone off here. All around the area, there was silence, with the exception of cars passing by on a nearby highway.

He walked through the block, and spotted residential buildings burnt out, a restaurant that had been deserted, and some old store that had been burnt out from the inside. He rarely saw people on these daily 6 p.m. jaunts. He didn’t expect to see anyone on this occasion. Occasionally he would see shoes, old clothing, pictures of families that had lived there, and an awful smell that indicated that something had indeed perished in the area.

That smell had indicated he might not want to look in the chests or in closets. He learned that lesson the hard way a year ago, when he opened a closet of an apartment to find the corpse of a man, clutching a rifle in case someone had come to take him away. It had been clear the man had been dead for some time, based on the way his body had decomposed. It was something that stuck with Arnold for some time.

As he looked around this burnt out area, he heard an angry voice call out from behind. “WHO’S THERE?!” a ragged voice shouted.

Arnold turned around to spot a man, ready to attack, holding a long rifle ready to fire. He looked like the last survivor of whatever manner of horror had happened here, and it looked like it weighed on him. A good way to describe him would be “rode hard and put away wet.”

“IDENTIFY YOURSELF!” the man shouted at him, wondering if Arnold was carrying a gun.

“Sir,” Arnold said calmly, his hands raised. “I’m Arnold Martin, I’m the President of Wreckeria. I’m just visiting. I do not want problems. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave right now.”

Arnold walked backward from where he came, not taking his eyes off the man. The man was walking towards him, his eyes wide, looking for any source of conflict from the President.

“I don’t want any problems either,” the man said nervously. “Those… those bastards. They shelled us. All they want is us dead. They want you dead.”

“Who?” Arnold asked.

The man tried to speak, but couldn’t. It was obvious whoever he was talking about angered him so much even still, even if whatever had happened was so long ago.

“Those BASTARDS! Those True Wreckerians,” the man said furiously. “All they want is power. All they want is a land they can rule over. Everyone died here. They killed everyone here. Come here. You say you’re the President, I wanna show you some things.”

Arnold decided to follow the man, but nervously watched him in case this was an ambush. He had been warned about falling into people’s traps. Maybe he might get to the wrong place of town and he could get mugged by a group of street toughs. Maybe he might go some place and get kidnapped by a small-time drug dealer, or shot by a sniper. But he was determined to visit these places anyway to remind himself of what Wreckeria needed to get away from.

“You see this?” the man said, pointing to the gutted remains of a building, remains that had obviously been there for years. “This was the center of this area. Right there? That was O’Day’s, great pub we all used to go to. When we got off work, we’d stop there for a cold one.”

The man walked into the remains and grabbed what looked like a drink coaster. He gave it to Arnold.

“I was a bartender here,” the man said, his guard lowering, upon realizing that not only was Arnold not a threat, but rather someone that could help him out. “We had a group of regulars come here every night. There was Chuck, the computer programmer, his wife Betty, a teacher…”

The man stopped and looked around at the area. He was getting emotional thinking of people from years gone by.

“Steven sat right here, he used to cover the city councils, David played in a beer league softball team, sat next to him, Maggie right over here, she was something else… she knew more about cars than any of us. I think she was into drag racing.”

And then the man stopped, looked up into the heavens and pursed his lips. Then he looked down and back at Arnold.

“One night, they were all there. There were tons of people here. I was home, I had a migraine headache that day,” the man said, thinking back. “I was sound asleep and all of a sudden I was shook up out of bed. I went out to see what happened and saw flames, black smoke, and the sound of…”

Arnold stood there and listened. He didn’t want to say anything at that point; to do so would have been inappropriate. But the man’s emotions were growing more and more raw by the second.

“Fuckin… god damn… SCREAMING!” the man roared, furious at the memory. “People crying for help! People looking for the ones they loved and they were GONE. They were fucking GONE, man! THEY WERE FUCKING GONE!”

The man just stared a hole through Arnold. He knew Arnold had nothing to do with it, but he knew that he could do something to prevent it from happening again.

“Those True Wreckerian motherfuckers said this place was hiding insurgents from the POP,” the man said. “That was bullshit and we knew it. Everyone knew that was bullshit. They just wanted to show strength. Let me tell you something. You said you were the President of Wreckeria, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Arnold said softly.

“I heard those bastards are trying to take over,” the man said calmly. “They take over and this? Look at all this, man. This destruction.”

The man looked around, his anger getting to him again.

“A shell landed right here. I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING DIED HERE,” the man roared. “I lost all my friends that night. All of them. And if those bastards take full power? This shit’s gonna happen all over Wreckeria. They’re gonna claim some place is a POP stronghold, even if it’s some god damn elementary school full of 5-year olds. If you’re the President of Wreckeria, you fucking STOP those bastards.”

“Yes, sir.”

The man outstretched his arm. “My name is Will O’Day,” he said. “My parents owned this place. They died that day too. I stay around here to look out for looters. We have a lot of them. You’re obviously not a looter. But, please, be careful when you come around places like this. You might be our last hope of keeping this place from going all the way to hell.”

“I’ll try my best, sir,” Arnold said.

by **Twicetagram and JYPe** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:15 pm

Home >> International >> World Cup

SCANDAL: Disgraced defender Koulouris suspended from National Team indefinitely!

By Antoniv Vasiliev

Garthapis Koulouris has been indefinitely suspended from the NT, according to a statement released by the TFA this morning.

“It is with great regret that we have decided to indefinitely suspend G. Koulouris from the National Team for the time being,” said a representative of the TFA, “She will be relieved of her duties for now, and her replacement will be announced later.”

While the reason for her suspension hasn’t been disclosed yet, many videos have circulated about a so-called “smurf orgy” in Quebec City, and it was revealed that Koulouris attended one. While the reasons for her attendance are unclear, it may have been because of her recent signing with CSKA Quebec.
(For the uninitiated, a smurf orgy is, well, a sexy orgy with questionable creatures)

Many people have come out to criticise Koulouris on social media, while many others have also defended her.

“Really? Going on an orgy abroad? And while the qualis are happening? She should be suspended for life. National disgrace.” Said one Footbook user dimp1000.

“Traitor to Twicetagria.” Said another user.

Despite the load of hate Koulouris is having, she has a lot of defenders by her side.

“If a man did this y’all wouldn’t give a shit. When a woman does it this happens. Sexism much?” Said Twitur user DeepfriedBalls. Many others agreed with them, with HornyFoxy replying, “They say discrimination doesn’t happen in Twicetagria... What’s this then?”.

The hashtags #koulouristraitor and #saynotosmurforgies have all been trending on domestic Twitur, as well as #justiceforkoulouris and #whatswrongwithorgies.

See more updates on the website.

Home >> International >> World Cup

Johan Khartivi to replace Koulouris in National Team says TFA

By Antoniv Vasiliev

According to an official press release by the TFA, Johan Khartivi has replaced Garthapis Koulouris in the National Team for the remaining of the World Cup Qualifications and future tournaments.

“Johan Khartivi has officially replaced suspended Koulouris for the remainder of the World Cup Qualifiers and future tournaments until further announcements by the TFA. The player in question has been informed in advance and is already ready to join the team in training,” said a TFA spokesperson.

This move has been marked with disappointment, mostly due to Khartivi’s known history to be controversial and racist.

“We’re replacing a person caught in an orgy with a racist... Classic Twicetagria” said Twitur user MemphisNopay. Another person agreed with them, saying, “We want to be known as a top team, still have to do a lot domestically...”

However, some users have defended TFA’s move, stating that a “racist” loyal to their country would be better than a traitor.

Join us later as we face off Sulsuland in the qualifiers in a few days time.

by **Northwest Kalactin** » Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:25 pm

Regional Qualifiers Sim MDs 2&3
MD2

AO Group 1
Legalese 1–2 Tioguldos
Ibixa 0–3 Qasden
Khytonya 0–1 Krytenia
Farfadillis 3–0 Turori

   AO Group 1                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Qasden                                 2    2   0   0     8    1   +7     6
 2 Krytenia                               2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 3 Tioguldos                              2    2   0   0     3    1   +2     6
 4 Farfadillis                            1    1   0   0     3    0   +3     3
 5 Turori                                 2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 6 Freeport                               1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
 7 Khytonya                               2    0   0   2     0    4   −4     0
 8 Legalese                               2    0   0   2     2    7   −5     0
 9 Ibixa                                  2    0   0   2     0    5   −5     0

AO Group 2
Netop 1–3 Barunia
Bonbohk u Piche 2–6 Mavinet
Pluvia and Saxean 0–2 Siovanija and Teusland
Valanora 2–0 Ko-oren

   AO Group 2                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Siovanija and Teusland                 2    2   0   0     7    1   +6     6
 2 Mavinet                                2    2   0   0     7    2   +5     6
 3 Valanora                               1    1   0   0     2    0   +2     3
 4 Barunia                                2    1   0   1     3    2   +1     3
 5 Gyatso-Kai                             1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
 6 Ko-oren                                2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
   Pluvia and Saxean                      2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
 8 Netop                                  2    0   0   2     1    4   −3     0
 9 Bonbohk u Piche                        2    0   0   2     3   11   −8     0

AO Group 3
Quakmybush 0–1 Busoga Islands
Sett Forest 0–1 Maccian
Fjorsz 0–1 Equestria
Banija 4–0 Audioslavia

   AO Group 3                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Maccian                                2    2   0   0     4    0   +4     6
 2 Equestria                              2    2   0   0     5    2   +3     6
 3 Busoga Islands                         2    2   0   0     4    1   +3     6
 4 Banija                                 1    1   0   0     4    0   +4     3
 5 Audioslavia                            2    1   0   1     1    4   −3     3
 6 Euran Oceania Territories              1    0   0   1     1    3   −2     0
 7 Fjorsz                                 2    0   0   2     0    2   −2     0
 8 Sett Forest                            2    0   0   2     2    5   −3     0
 9 Quakmybush                             2    0   0   2     0    4   −4     0

AO Group 4
Savigliane 0–0 Twicetagria
Wreckeria 0–4 Northwest kalactin
Muralos 0–2 Flavovespia
Starblaydia 0–1 Mriin

   AO Group 4                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Flavovespia                            2    2   0   0     4    0   +4     6
 2 Mriin                                  2    2   0   0     4    1   +3     6
 3 Northwest kalactin                     2    1   1   0     4    0   +4     4
 4 Twicetagria                            2    1   1   0     3    0   +3     4
 5 Savigliane                             2    0   2   0     0    0    0     2
 6 Starblaydia                            1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
 7 Saltstead                              1    0   0   1     0    3   −3     0
 8 Muralos                                2    0   0   2     1    5   −4     0
 9 Wreckeria                              2    0   0   2     0    6   −6     0

AO Group 5
Hapilopper 2–1 Blouman Empire
Cosumar 1–3 Independent Athletes from Quebec
Jabal Ahkdar 0–4 Chromatika
Vilita 0–1 Commonwealth of Baker Park

   AO Group 5                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chromatika                             2    2   0   0     9    0   +9     6
 2 Independent Athletes from Quebec       2    2   0   0     5    1   +4     6
 3 Commonwealth of Baker Park             2    2   0   0     2    0   +2     6
 4 Blouman Empire                         2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 5 Hapilopper                             2    1   0   1     2    3   −1     3
 6 Huayramarca                            1    0   0   1     1    2   −1     0
 7 Vilita                                 1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
 8 Jabal Ahkdar                           2    0   0   2     0    5   −5     0
 9 Cosumar                                2    0   0   2     1    8   −7     0

Game of the Day: Vilita 0–1 Commonwealth of Baker Park
The very anticipated game between 2 top 10 teams was going to be a very exciting one coming in. A goal by Baker Park however, made it all the more exciting as they pulled a very important win over Vilita, who is a contender for the World Cup title right now.

Upset of the Day: Legalese 1–2 Tioguldos
We knew that Tioguldos was a good team coming in, however their win against Legalese confirmed that even more. Legalese is a team with a very rich history in the cup, while Tioguldos only has 2 cycles of experience. This win could prove important to a possible Tioguldos qualification.

Rivalry of the Day: Banija 4–0 Audioslavia
Even though some may not claim it as a rivalry coming in, the showdown between the Great Southwest and the The Northeast got heated today. Banija was able to pull out a win in their first game of the sim on home turf, ad the World #1s defend their reputation.

Rushmore Group 1
Pasarga 1–0 Darmen

   Rushmore Group 1                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pasarga                                1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
 2 Darmen                                 1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0

Rushmore Group 2
Savojarna 1–0 Valladares

   Rushmore Group 2                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Savojarna                              1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
 2 Valladares                             1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0

Rushmore Group 3
Eura 1–0 Sargossa

   Rushmore Group 3                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Eura                                   1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
 2 Sargossa                               1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0

Rushmore Group 4
Cassadaigua 3–1 Astograth

   Rushmore Group 4                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Cassadaigua                            1    1   0   0     3    1   +2     3
 2 Astograth                              1    0   0   1     1    3   −2     0

Rushmore Group 5
Nephara 2–0 Graintfjall

   Rushmore Group 5                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Nephara                                1    1   0   0     2    0   +2     3
 2 Graintfjall                            1    0   0   1     0    2   −2     0

Game of the Day: Cassadaigua 3–1 Astograth
Well, there weren’t many games to choose from in Rushmore today, but this game may be as good as any we will see during this simulation. A showdown between 2 teams that in the recent years, have been rising to the top level, where Cassadaigua is already at themselves.

No Notable Upsets

Rivalry of the Day: Savojarna 1–0 Valladares
A Rushmore rivalry came out to a very close game today, as Savojarna and Valladares duked it out in a close match between the 2 teams. Ultimately, Savojarna was able to pull the win out at the end, which may help put them over the top in the short Rushmori Round Robin.

Indies Group 1
Caryton 2–1 TBS
T Republic 1–3 Icecliff
North Alazia 1–1 Emastalia
Melbergia 2–5 Indusse
Terre Septentrionale 3–2 New Lusitania

   Indies Group 1                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Indusse                                2    2   0   0     9    3   +6     6
 2 Caryton                                2    2   0   0     4    2   +2     6
 3 Emastalia                              2    1   1   0     6    1   +5     4
 4 New Lusitania                          2    1   0   1     5    3   +2     3
 5 Icecliff                               2    1   0   1     4    3   +1     3
 6 Terre Septentrionale                   2    1   0   1     4    4    0     3
 7 TBS                                    2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 8 North Alazia                           2    0   1   1     2    5   −3     1
 9 Melbergia                              2    0   0   2     2    8   −6     0
10 T Republic                             2    0   0   2     1    8   −7     0

Indies Group 2
Beepee 1–0 UAC
Cirrus Azale 2–4 Hebitaka
U-koro 0–2 Murphtannia
Widaya 2–2 Juvencus
Drawkland 3–1 Poafmersia

   Indies Group 2                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Murphtannia                            2    2   0   0     6    0   +6     6
 2 Drawkland                              2    2   0   0     7    3   +4     6
 3 Hebitaka                               2    1   1   0     5    3   +2     4
 4 Juvencus                               2    1   1   0     4    2   +2     4
 5 Poafmersia                             2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 6 Beepee                                 2    1   0   1     3    4   −1     3
 7 UAC                                    2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
 8 Widaya                                 2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
 9 U-koro                                 2    0   0   2     0    4   −4     0
10 Cirrus Azale                           2    0   0   2     2    8   −6     0



Waisnor 0–3 Squidroidia
State of Trinity 2–6 Garifunya
Stevid 0–4 Freechi
Trolleborg 1–0 Bluecliff
Abanhfleft 1–0 Al-Qurija

                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Freechi                 2    2   0   0     6    0   +6     6
 2 Trolleborg              2    2   0   0     5    0   +5     6
 3 Abanhfleft              2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 4 Garifunya               2    1   1   0     7    3   +4     4
 5 Squidroidia             2    1   1   0     4    1   +3     4
 6 Bluecliff               2    0   1   1     0    1   −1     1
 7 Stevid                  2    0   1   1     0    4   −4     1
 8 Al-Qurija               2    0   0   2     0    5   −5     0
   Waisnor                 2    0   0   2     0    5   −5     0
10 State of Trinity        2    0   0   2     2    8   −6     0

Indies Group 4
Trigel 3–2 St. Domingues
Quemmor Isles 1–0 PSTCT
Cascadia 0–1 Megistos
Hafamarimet 0–2 Darkmania
Zwangzug 6–3 Geektopia

   Indies Group 4                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Zwangzug                               2    2   0   0     9    3   +6     6
 2 Darkmania                              2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
   Megistos                               2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 4 Hafamarimet                            2    1   0   1     1    2   −1     3
   Quemmor Isles                          2    1   0   1     1    2   −1     3
 6 Trigel                                 2    1   0   1     3    5   −2     3
 7 St. Domingues                          2    0   1   1     4    5   −1     1
 8 PSTCT                                  2    0   1   1     2    3   −1     1
 9 Cascadia                               2    0   0   2     0    2   −2     0
10 Geektopia                              2    0   0   2     3    7   −4     0

Indies Group 5
Smosh Games 1–1 Mexi Catcha
West Angola 1–1 Ranoria
Aepreleh 0–2 Sulsuland
Hindu RR 1–1 Kohnhead
Kandorith 0–0 Jeruselem

   Indies Group 5                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Sulsuland                              2    2   0   0     4    0   +4     6
 2 Jeruselem                              2    1   1   0     4    0   +4     4
 3 Mexi Catcha                            2    1   1   0     5    4   +1     4
 4 Kohnhead                               2    1   1   0     3    2   +1     4
 5 Kandorith                              2    1   1   0     1    0   +1     4
 6 Ranoria                                2    0   1   1     4    5   −1     1
 7 Smosh Games                            2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
 8 West Angola                            2    0   1   1     1    3   −2     1
 9 Hindu RR                               2    0   1   1     1    5   −4     1
10 Aepreleh                               2    0   0   2     1    4   −3     0

Indies Group 6
Gothina Isles 0–3 Mand Blustopia
North Japan 1–0 Chartistan
Magnecia and Galmencia 1–1 Balqia
Tornado Queendom 0–1 Sharktail
Kelssek 2–0 Squornshelous

   Indies Group 6                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Kelssek                                2    2   0   0     6    1   +5     6
 2 Sharktail                              2    2   0   0     5    0   +5     6
 3 Mand Blustopia                         2    2   0   0     6    2   +4     6
 4 North Japan                            2    1   1   0     1    0   +1     4
 5 Squornshelous                          2    1   0   1     1    2   −1     3
 6 Balqia                                 2    0   2   0     1    1    0     2
 7 Magnecia and Galmencia                 2    0   1   1     1    5   −4     1
 8 Chartistan                             2    0   0   2     2    4   −2     0
 9 Tornado Queendom                       2    0   0   2     0    2   −2     0
10 Gothina Isles                          2    0   0   2     1    7   −6     0

Indies Group 7
Garbellia 0–0 Sannyamathaland
Socialist New Britain 1–0 Fluvannia
Regmotto 0–3 Rangers FC
Critical Operations 1–4 Squornshelan Remnant States
Mercedini 0–1 Port Ember

   Indies Group 7                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Port Ember                             2    2   0   0     6    2   +4     6
 2 Squornshelan Remnant States            2    2   0   0     5    1   +4     6
 3 Rangers FC                             2    1   1   0     3    0   +3     4
 4 Socialist New Britain                  2    1   1   0     1    0   +1     4
 5 Fluvannia                              2    1   0   1     2    2    0     3
   Mercedini                              2    1   0   1     2    2    0     3
 7 Garbellia                              2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
   Sannyamathaland                        2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
 9 Regmotto                               2    0   0   2     0    4   −4     0
10 Critical Operations                    2    0   0   2     3    9   −6     0

Indies Group 8
Pays Den Haut 1–2 Rwezakaland
Silvedana 0–1 Transvolcanic
Logano 0–1 Baggieland
Frezza 0–2 Devonta
HUElavia 2–0 Omerica

   Indies Group 8                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Baggieland                             2    2   0   0     4    0   +4     6
 2 Transvolcanic                          2    2   0   0     3    1   +2     6
 3 Devonta                                2    1   1   0     3    1   +2     4
   HUElavia                               2    1   1   0     3    1   +2     4
 5 Rwezakaland                            2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 6 Omerica                                2    1   0   1     3    4   −1     3
 7 Pays Den Haut                          2    0   1   1     2    3   −1     1
 8 Logano                                 2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
 9 Frezza                                 2    0   0   2     2    5   −3     0
10 Silvedana                              2    0   0   2     0    4   −4     0

Indies Group 9
Lorrana 2–2 Armed King
Red Kelp 2–2 Arklanda
Norish Jeia Repa 1–4 Havynwilde
Pemecutan 0–2 Acronius
The Holy Empire 2–1 TJUN-ia

   Indies Group 9                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 The Holy Empire                        2    2   0   0     4    1   +3     6
 2 Acronius                               2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 3 Havynwilde                             2    1   1   0     5    2   +3     4
 4 Arklanda                               2    1   1   0     3    2   +1     4
 5 Pemecutan                              2    1   0   1     2    3   −1     3
 6 Red Kelp                               2    0   2   0     3    3    0     2
 7 Armed King                             2    0   1   1     2    3   −1     1
 8 Lorrana                                2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
 9 TJUN-ia                                2    0   0   2     2    4   −2     0
10 Norish Jeia Repa                       2    0   0   2     1    5   −4     0

Indies Group 10
Thibaea 1–2 United Pink States
Central Shaneville 0–1 Treekidistan
Yerapia 3–3 ZSeparatists
Acastanha 0–1 Sajnur
The Sarian 1–1 Tequilo

   Indies Group 10                      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Sajnur                                 2    2   0   0     5    3   +2     6
 2 United Pink States                     2    2   0   0     4    2   +2     6
 3 Tequilo                                2    1   1   0     3    1   +2     4
 4 The Sarian                             2    1   1   0     2    1   +1     4
 5 Treekidistan                           2    1   0   1     2    2    0     3
 6 ZSeparatists                           2    0   2   0     3    3    0     2
 7 Yerapia                                2    0   1   1     6    7   −1     1
 8 Central Shaneville                     2    0   1   1     0    1   −1     1
 9 Thibaea                                2    0   0   2     1    3   −2     0
10 Acastanha                              2    0   0   2     0    3   −3     0

Game of the Day: The Sarian 1–1 Tequilo
As the top 2 teams in Group 10 went to a showdown that may help decide the group in the end, neither side was able to pull out the victory that they needed. Whoever won, would likely take over the group, alas we will see what the United Pink States and Sajnur have to offer.

Rivalry of the Day: Terre Septentrionale 3–2 New Lusitania
As 2 power teams from the Indies must play each other, we see a match of 2 teams that have shown strong performances in the Independent Associations Cup in recent years. Both teams have had strong recent cycles, but it was the 2 time qualifier, Terre Septentrionale who won in the end.

Upset of the Day: Widaya 2–2 Juvencus
The relatively unknown Widaya were able to fight against 2 time Cup of Harmony Champions Juvencus today, and do their part to force a draw against a team that is estimated to have far more skill than them. In group 2 a new frountrunner emerges in Murphtannia.

MD3

Krytenia 0–1 Farfadillis
Qasden 3–1 Khytonya
Tioguldos 2–0 Ibixa
Freeport 5–4 Legalese

   AO Group 1                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Qasden                                 3    3   0   0    11    2   +9     9
 2 Tioguldos                              3    3   0   0     5    1   +4     9
 3 Farfadillis                            2    2   0   0     4    0   +4     6
 4 Krytenia                               3    2   0   1     3    1   +2     6
 5 Freeport                               2    1   0   1     5    5    0     3
 6 Turori                                 2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 7 Legalese                               3    0   0   3     6   12   −6     0
 8 Khytonya                               3    0   0   3     1    7   −6     0
 9 Ibixa                                  3    0   0   3     0    7   −7     0

AO Group 2
Siovanija and Teusland 2–3 Valanora
Mavinet 3–0 Pluvia and Saxean
Barunia 7–2 Bonbohk u Piche
Gyatso-Kai 2–0 Netop

   AO Group 2                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Mavinet                                3    3   0   0    10    2   +8     9
 2 Barunia                                3    2   0   1    10    4   +6     6
 3 Siovanija and Teusland                 3    2   0   1     9    4   +5     6
 4 Valanora                               2    2   0   0     5    2   +3     6
 5 Gyatso-Kai                             2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 6 Ko-oren                                2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
 7 Pluvia and Saxean                      3    0   1   2     2    7   −5     1
 8 Netop                                  3    0   0   3     1    6   −5     0
 9 Bonbohk u Piche                        3    0   0   3     5   18  −13     0

AO Group 3
Equestria 0–0 Banija
Maccian 6–1 Fjorsz
Busoga Islands 2–0 Sett Forest
Euran Oceania Territories 3–1 Quakmybush

   AO Group 3                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Maccian                                3    3   0   0    10    1   +9     9
 2 Busoga Islands                         3    3   0   0     6    1   +5     9
 3 Equestria                              3    2   1   0     5    2   +3     7
 4 Banija                                 2    1   1   0     4    0   +4     4
 5 Euran Oceania Territories              2    1   0   1     4    4    0     3
 6 Audioslavia                            2    1   0   1     1    4   −3     3
 7 Sett Forest                            3    0   0   3     2    7   −5     0
 8 Quakmybush                             3    0   0   3     1    7   −6     0
 9 Fjorsz                                 3    0   0   3     1    8   −7     0

AO Group 4
Flavovespia 2–3 Starblaydia
Northwest kalactin 1–0 Muralos
Twicetagria 2–0 Wreckeria
Saltstead 5–3 Savigliane

   AO Group 4                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Northwest kalactin                     3    2   1   0     5    0   +5     7
   Twicetagria                            3    2   1   0     5    0   +5     7
 3 Flavovespia                            3    2   0   1     6    3   +3     6
 4 Mriin                                  2    2   0   0     4    1   +3     6
 5 Starblaydia                            2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 6 Saltstead                              2    1   0   1     5    6   −1     3
 7 Savigliane                             3    0   2   1     3    5   −2     2
 8 Muralos                                3    0   0   3     1    6   −5     0
 9 Wreckeria                              3    0   0   3     0    8   −8     0

AO Group 5
Chromatika 2–4 Vilita
Independent Athletes from Quebec 5–1 Jabal Ahkdar
Blouman Empire 1–0 Cosumar
Huayramarca 1–2 Hapilopper

   AO Group 5                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Independent Athletes from Quebec       3    3   0   0    10    2   +8     9
 2 Chromatika                             3    2   0   1    11    4   +7     6
 3 Commonwealth of Baker Park             2    2   0   0     2    0   +2     6
 4 Blouman Empire                         3    2   0   1     4    3   +1     6
 5 Hapilopper                             3    2   0   1     4    4    0     6
 6 Vilita                                 2    1   0   1     4    3   +1     3
 7 Huayramarca                            2    0   0   2     2    4   −2     0
 8 Cosumar                                3    0   0   3     1    9   −8     0
 9 Jabal Ahkdar                           3    0   0   3     1   10   −9     0

Game & Rivalry of the Day Equestria 0–0 Banija
There is no doubt that this game was going to be highly anticipated coming into today. The battle of the 2 power teams from the ~~Great~~ Gross Southwest is one of the best rivalries in all of the multiverse right now. Both teams are among the top in the world, and multiple meetings on the International Stage have proved it. This game would be a disappointment for both sides however, as no one was able to win the game after 90.

Blowout of the Day Barunia 7–2 Bonbohk u Piche
No doubt who was the better squad in this game. Barunia scored a whopping 7 goals against a Bonbohk u Piche that looked strong coming out of the Baptism of Fire, but they sure as hell didn’t after this game. 2 high powered offenses faced off, and one would easily take the W.

Rushmore Group 1
Electrum 2–3 Pasarga

   Rushmore Group 1                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pasarga                                2    2   0   0     4    2   +2     6
 2 Electrum                               1    0   0   1     2    3   −1     0
 3 Darmen                                 1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0

Rushmore Group 2
Yuezhou 0–2 Savojarna

   Rushmore Group 2                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Savojarna                              2    2   0   0     3    0   +3     6
 2 Valladares                             1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
 3 Yuezhou                                1    0   0   1     0    2   −2     0

Rushmore Group 3
Oberour Ar Moro 1–3 Eura

   Rushmore Group 3                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Eura                                   2    2   0   0     4    1   +3     6
 2 Sargossa                               1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
 3 Oberour Ar Moro                        1    0   0   1     1    3   −2     0

Rushmore Group 4
Tikariot 0–0 Cassadaigua

   Rushmore Group 4                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Cassadaigua                            2    1   1   0     3    1   +2     4
 2 Tikariot                               1    0   1   0     0    0    0     1
 3 Astograth                              1    0   0   1     1    3   −2     0

Rushmore Group 5
Plane of Possibility 0–3 Nephara

   Rushmore Group 5                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Nephara                                2    2   0   0     5    0   +5     6
 2 Graintfjall                            1    0   0   1     0    2   −2     0
 3 Plane of Possibility                   1    0   0   1     0    3   −3     0

Game of the Day Electrum 2–3 Pasarga
While there are not many games to speak of here, you don’t get the chance to have 2 World Cup winners in the same game very often. Both squads have fallen since their Hay-days, although this game was an interesting one. Pasarga was able to win by 1 goal in the end, but Electrum still looks very promising.

Blowout of the Day Plane of Possibility 0–3 Nephara
Even though it was only by a mere 3 goals, Nephara still played in dominant fashion against The Plane of Possibility, who nobody can say much about right now. Nephara keeps their Clean Sheet going, as they are now 5-0 in Goal Differential so far.

Indies Group 1
New Lusitania 2–1 Caryton
Indusse 1–4 Terre Septentrionale
Emastalia 0–1 Melbergia
Icecliff 3–4 North Alazia
TBS 0–1 T Republic

   Indies Group 1                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Indusse                                3    2   0   1    10    7   +3     6
 2 Terre Septentrionale                   3    2   0   1     8    5   +3     6
 3 New Lusitania                          3    2   0   1     7    4   +3     6
 4 Caryton                                3    2   0   1     5    4   +1     6
 5 Emastalia                              3    1   1   1     6    2   +4     4
 6 North Alazia                           3    1   1   1     6    8   −2     4
 7 Icecliff                               3    1   0   2     7    7    0     3
 8 TBS                                    3    1   0   2     3    4   −1     3
 9 Melbergia                              3    1   0   2     3    8   −5     3
10 T Republic                             3    1   0   2     2    8   −6     3

Indies Group 2
Poafmersia 3–1 Beepee
Juvencus 1–3 Drawkland
Murphtannia 2–0 Widaya
Hebitaka 0–0 U-koro
UAC 3–1 Cirrus Azale

   Indies Group 2                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Murphtannia                            3    3   0   0     8    0   +8     9
 2 Drawkland                              3    3   0   0    10    4   +6     9
 3 Poafmersia                             3    2   0   1     6    4   +2     6
 4 Hebitaka                               3    1   2   0     5    3   +2     5
 5 UAC                                    3    1   1   1     4    3   +1     4
 6 Juvencus                               3    1   1   1     5    5    0     4
 7 Beepee                                 3    1   0   2     4    7   −3     3
 8 Widaya                                 3    0   1   2     2    6   −4     1
 9 U-koro                                 3    0   1   2     0    4   −4     1
10 Cirrus Azale                           3    0   0   3     3   11   −8     0

Al-Qurija 1–0 Waisnor
Bluecliff 0–1 Abanhfleft
Freechi 5–1 Trolleborg
Garifunya 1–0 Stevid
Squidroidia 3–0 State of Trinity

                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Freechi                 3    3   0   0    11    1  +10     9
 2 Abanhfleft              3    3   0   0     4    0   +4     9
 3 Squidroidia             3    2   1   0     7    1   +6     7
 4 Garifunya               3    2   1   0     8    3   +5     7
 5 Trolleborg              3    2   0   1     6    5   +1     6
 6 Al-Qurija               3    1   0   2     1    5   −4     3
 7 Bluecliff               3    0   1   2     0    2   −2     1
 8 Stevid                  3    0   1   2     0    5   −5     1
 9 Waisnor                 3    0   0   3     0    6   −6     0
10 State of Trinity        3    0   0   3     2   11   −9     0

Indies Group 4
Geektopia 1–0 Trigel
Darkmania 0–2 Zwangzug
Megistos 6–0 Hafamarimet
PSTCT 2–1 Cascadia
St. Domingues 3–1 Quemmor Isles

   Indies Group 4                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Megistos                               3    3   0   0     9    0   +9     9
 2 Zwangzug                               3    3   0   0    11    3   +8     9
 3 Darkmania                              3    2   0   1     3    2   +1     6
 4 St. Domingues                          3    1   1   1     7    6   +1     4
 5 PSTCT                                  3    1   1   1     4    4    0     4
 6 Geektopia                              3    1   0   2     4    7   −3     3
 7 Trigel                                 3    1   0   2     3    6   −3     3
 8 Quemmor Isles                          3    1   0   2     2    5   −3     3
 9 Hafamarimet                            3    1   0   2     1    8   −7     3
10 Cascadia                               3    0   0   3     1    4   −3     0

Indies Group 5
Jeruselem 4–0 Smosh Games
Kohnhead 2–6 Kandorith
Sulsuland 6–0 Hindu RR
Ranoria 2–4 Aepreleh
Mexi Catcha 0–0 West Angola

   Indies Group 5                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Sulsuland                              3    3   0   0    10    0  +10     9
 2 Jeruselem                              3    2   1   0     8    0   +8     7
 3 Kandorith                              3    2   1   0     7    2   +5     7
 4 Mexi Catcha                            3    1   2   0     5    4   +1     5
 5 Kohnhead                               3    1   1   1     5    8   −3     4
 6 Aepreleh                               3    1   0   2     5    6   −1     3
 7 West Angola                            3    0   2   1     1    3   −2     2
 8 Ranoria                                3    0   1   2     6    9   −3     1
 9 Smosh Games                            3    0   1   2     1    6   −5     1
10 Hindu RR                               3    0   1   2     1   11  −10     1

Indies Group 6
Squornshelous 3–0 Gothina Isles
Sharktail 0–3 Kelssek
Balqia 3–3 Tornado Queendom
Chartistan 1–0 Magnecia and Galmencia
Mand Blustopia 1–4 North Japan

   Indies Group 6                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Kelssek                                3    3   0   0     9    1   +8     9
 2 North Japan                            3    2   1   0     5    1   +4     7
 3 Sharktail                              3    2   0   1     5    3   +2     6
 4 Squornshelous                          3    2   0   1     4    2   +2     6
 5 Mand Blustopia                         3    2   0   1     7    6   +1     6
 6 Balqia                                 3    0   3   0     4    4    0     3
 7 Chartistan                             3    1   0   2     3    4   −1     3
 8 Tornado Queendom                       3    0   1   2     3    5   −2     1
 9 Magnecia and Galmencia                 3    0   1   2     1    6   −5     1
10 Gothina Isles                          3    0   0   3     1   10   −9     0

Indies Group 7
Port Ember 1–1 Garbellia
Squornshelan Remnant States 0–2 Mercedini
Rangers FC 2–0 Critical Operations
Fluvannia 0–1 Regmotto
Sannyamathaland 2–2 Socialist New Britain

   Indies Group 7                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Rangers FC                             3    2   1   0     5    0   +5     7
 2 Port Ember                             3    2   1   0     7    3   +4     7
 3 Squornshelan Remnant States            3    2   0   1     5    3   +2     6
 4 Mercedini                              3    2   0   1     4    2   +2     6
 5 Socialist New Britain                  3    1   2   0     3    2   +1     5
 6 Fluvannia                              3    1   0   2     2    3   −1     3
 7 Regmotto                               3    1   0   2     1    4   −3     3
 8 Sannyamathaland                        3    0   2   1     3    4   −1     2
 9 Garbellia                              3    0   2   1     2    3   −1     2
10 Critical Operations                    3    0   0   3     3   11   −8     0

Indies Group 8
Omerica 3–4 Pays Den Haut
Devonta 4–3 HUElavia
Baggieland 1–0 Frezza
Transvolcanic 3–0 Logano
Rwezakaland 3–3 Silvedana

   Indies Group 8                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Transvolcanic                          3    3   0   0     6    1   +5     9
 2 Baggieland                             3    3   0   0     5    0   +5     9
 3 Devonta                                3    2   1   0     7    4   +3     7
 4 HUElavia                               3    1   1   1     6    5   +1     4
 5 Rwezakaland                            3    1   1   1     6    6    0     4
 6 Pays Den Haut                          3    1   1   1     6    6    0     4
 7 Omerica                                3    1   0   2     6    8   −2     3
 8 Silvedana                              3    0   1   2     3    7   −4     1
 9 Logano                                 3    0   1   2     1    5   −4     1
10 Frezza                                 3    0   0   3     2    6   −4     0

Indies Group 9
TJUN-ia 3–0 Lorrana
Acronius 0–1 The Holy Empire
Havynwilde 0–0 Pemecutan
Arklanda 2–2 Norish Jeia Repa
Armed King 2–4 Red Kelp

   Indies Group 9                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 The Holy Empire                        3    3   0   0     5    1   +4     9
 2 Acronius                               3    2   0   1     3    1   +2     6
 3 Havynwilde                             3    1   2   0     5    2   +3     5
 4 Red Kelp                               3    1   2   0     7    5   +2     5
 5 Arklanda                               3    1   2   0     5    4   +1     5
 6 Pemecutan                              3    1   1   1     2    3   −1     4
 7 TJUN-ia                                3    1   0   2     5    4   +1     3
 8 Armed King                             3    0   1   2     4    7   −3     1
 9 Norish Jeia Repa                       3    0   1   2     3    7   −4     1
10 Lorrana                                3    0   1   2     2    7   −5     1

Indies Group 10
Tequilo 3–1 Thibaea
Sajnur 1–2 The Sarian
ZSeparatists 2–0 Acastanha
Treekidistan 5–3 Yerapia
United Pink States 0–1 Central Shaneville

   Indies Group 10                      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Tequilo                                3    2   1   0     6    2   +4     7
 2 The Sarian                             3    2   1   0     4    2   +2     7
 3 Treekidistan                           3    2   0   1     7    5   +2     6
 4 Sajnur                                 3    2   0   1     6    5   +1     6
 5 United Pink States                     3    2   0   1     4    3   +1     6
 6 ZSeparatists                           3    1   2   0     5    3   +2     5
 7 Central Shaneville                     3    1   1   1     1    1    0     4
 8 Yerapia                                3    0   1   2     9   12   −3     1
 9 Thibaea                                3    0   0   3     2    6   −4     0
10 Acastanha                              3    0   0   3     0    5   −5     0

Game of the Day Havynwilde 0–0 Pemecutan
In a Melayu Archipelago showdown, 2 familiar foes met each other in group play. Both Havynwilde and Pemecutan- who are coming off strong Melayu Cup appearances, played out to a scoreless draw today, as neither side was able to get the edge on offense.

Rivalry of the Day Juvencus 1–3 Drawkland
While it may have not been as competitive as some hoped for, the game between the top 2 teams in Sonnel is always a fun one to watch, as both teams come out with strong squads coming into the cup. If Drawkland can keep their play up, Murphtannia will have some competitors in the group.

Blowout of the Day Sulsuland 6–0 Hindu RR
You didn’t expect them at this level did you. Sulsuland, outside of this win, is now leading their group, and have a 10-0 goal differential. Their strong play has shown potential, as has their ability to capitalize words as of late.

by **Tequilo** » Fri Jan 15, 2021 12:20 am

KIPOLALIA
The Auto-Imitation Disease

Part 2/7: Iso Camp 19

[Part 1 - in which the Tequilo IAC squad catch The Kip]

“All I talm bout skraight is dat ion know y sumn been made to try fo no reason buh is skraight at da same time not fin speck nun bet out of it cuh das juh how it be” said Alex Gallo to the nice air hostess Rosa on AirBone Flight 6 straight out of Gibber City.

“He really would like a glass of sparkling water,” said team captain Vilca Hualla, helpfully. Finally, the Tequilo squad were on their way home from an abortive IAC appearance with more than half of them infected with the auto-imitation disease Kipolalia. Poor Rosa was struggling to manage them on the private charter with all this nonsense-speak that sounded like an infant school production of Southside Shanty, the infamous story of star-crossed lovers from the rival gangs, the Kipps and the Nubbs.

“Dam thanks for da iss been a nice like journey skraight n now dat I’m out I think I’ve set up sum busy sht like dat so preciate n imma see sum of y’all Q” said Alex, when Rosa brought his fizzy water. She assumed he was trying to be appreciative whilst still pulling some bizarre hand and straight-arm motions which, she had been advised, he really couldn’t help and had literally no idea how stupid he looked. She smiled sympathetically at the little loser.

“I’m ever so sorry,’ said Vilca Hualla, “but I think he’s being sarcastic, although I can’t really be sure.”

Poor confused Rosa’s face fell, and Alex really appeared not to take it well, making angry hand signals and groping his crotch, and shouting “ight! ight! ight!” over and over; “Imma fin doppa baddas!” he cried.

“Anytime now I suppose you’ll be calling me a dawg,” said Rosa, rolling her eyes, applying full wither, and winking at Vilca Hualla whom she really rather admired; “I better go serve some of the other badass apeths,” she told him. Sure enough, the plane had descended into something a like a zoo.

§

El Presidente, Itzalzo Urbano ‘Tzalti’ Larrosa, received his first technical briefing on the situation while the Kipolalia-infected IAC squad were still in the sky on their way back to Tequilo; it was a good job they had taken the unusual - and cheaper - option of flying to and from the tournament rather than the more usual - and more expensive - oversea option using the fluid-time powered Bonesea barques - they would already be in port by now and potentially spreading their unfortunate germs around the docks of Tapa Harbour. As it was, there was still time to divert them, advised the military commander Air Marshall Lagos - it was just a matter of where to. An air base could quickly be converted as a containment area. Chief Scientific Advisor Doctor Nacao was of the strong opinion that they must not be allowed to touch down on mainland Tequilo, which really left only the options of the Antivador archipelago or perhaps some friendly foreign state who could be persuaded, or bribed, to host them for approximately a month while the scientific community worked out what to do with them: somewhere in Ao, maybe, where they are easily bribed and, frankly, have it coming. A few eyebrows were raised at that - a chance for a spot of clandestine biological warfare? The two gentlemen in the room from Bonesea, the eloquent and dead-eyed narrative agents, Señors Couth & Ruly, seemed very keen on this idea - but to his credit, President Larrosa was not prepared to abandon the poor fellows of the team to a dank dark hole in Ao, whatever the long-term benefits for spycraft in the region.

Admiral Tobaras of the Allied States Armada inspected the live map on the main screen in the government incident room, and noting that the team were presently over the Wide Enness Ocean, felt confident he could divert an anti-aircraft guided missile destroyer presently on exercise nearby to ‘disappear’ the plane, although this was met with little appetite from the civilian advisors in the room. In the end, it was the Army who had the most effective solution. Having been placed in charge of operations for the seemingly twice-annual outbreak of Z-Day chaos, they had a number of isolation sites in key locations around the country, and in particular, on some of the more remote islands of the Antivador archipelago. One at least had a landing strip, could be operational within the hour, and was secure enough to contain the most virulent of auto-imitation diseases.

Two hours later, AirBone Flight 6 inbound from Gibberish touched down at a military airstrip on the tiny and largely empty island of Nira, home of government Z-Day emergency facility, Iso Camp 19. Epidemiologists, virologists and government advisors were already on their way, and Los Pitxileros - the footballers - were greeted off the plane not by customs officers and admiring supporters of the national team, but by armed soldiers of the 19th Military Provost Guard Service to ‘assist’ with their stay in quarantine. A message from El Presidente delivered by the man in charge of the facility, Captain Cotus, welcomed them to their temporary home, praised them for their excellent performance - under the circumstances - in the Independent Associations Championship, and asked for forbearance whilst they addressed the ‘surely short-term’ inconvenience of having caught The Kip.

TAPALUPÉ, Tequilo - The World Cup begins to warm up! Version 87 is well and truly up and running… and we've got your back for all the latest in the biggest and best competition in the multiverse: let the GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!! Daily take the strain - all your favourite bits, in brief. All this week: Track & Trace… whatever happened to The Class of 72? Rúi de Las Rovas… season three of the famous old comic book strip rebooted. Logistics Report... how to manage a touring football team without picking up any weird viral infections; and of course, we have mail! You can write in too, if you want to - address your fascinating texts to spamcatcher@gola.teq or drop a letter in the mail to PO Box 654353583.2, Grand Central Post Office, Tapalupé¹ But first, El Copametro… how are Los Pitxileros making out in the qualification campaign trail?

BALLISTIC IN BALQIA

Balqia 1-4 TEQUILO HT: 0-1

Location: Secret location
Attendance: Not even the Ultra-Mariachi Band with Basil the Bison Terrier
Scorers: Balto Kareli 83' | Xaime Medal 3' Ricardo Bailén 46' Tlacolotl 54' 66' Assists: Janus Topolin 83' | Tlacolotl 3' Ecuador 46' Huracan 66'
Booked: Andrev Zanos, Ugo Rotnoviq, Paul Iagonoviq, Janus Topolin | Huachalla, Tol Chicote Sent off: Kamil Gobeliq
Injured: Patrick Zambo (severity 11/20), Huracan (1/20), Huachalla (3/20), Ixtub Tün (3/20)
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenida (VC) | Patrick Zambo (sub: Blêxu), Tol Chicote, Huracan, Huachalla | Ixtub Tün (sub: Aleixo Claver) | Vilca Hualla (C), Xaime Medal, Ricardo Bailén (sub: Tutayan) | Tlacolotl, Ecuador
Player of the Match: Tlacolotl (Tequilo)

THOSE DAMNED ZETANS, REKANS ETC.

TEQUILO 2-2 Zeta Reka Hügateldom HT: 2-1

Location: El Mesperuza; Iragartze, Puezan
Attendance: 76,505
Scorers: Roxelio Toran 1' (pen) Çenturion 17' | Aleixo Claver (OG) 2' Assists: Ecuador 17'
Booked: Blêxu, Çenturion, Ricardo Bailén, Jatsu Cañaverri
Injured: Ecuador (1/20), Jatsu Cañaverri (11/20)
Tequilo Line-Up: Oscar Bienvenida (VC) | Blêxu (sub: Jatsu Cañaverri), Antton Machinena, Noxochinoch (sub: Tol Chicote), Eolo Sorazar | Aleixo Claver | Vilca Hualla (C), Çenturion, Ricardo Bailén | Roxelio Toran (sub: Tlacolotl), Ecuador
Player of the Match: Eolo Sorazar (Tequilo)

Four points on the board feels like a decent haul from two games for Los Pitxileros including a strong win in Balqia - but it comes at a cost of another tight draw against those damned Zetans, Rekans and Huggle-Tummies and with the loss through injury to Patrick Zambo for at least the first half of qualifying. The bright spot was the return of Tlacolotl to his very best in the away win, scoring twice and earning an assist, as well as player of the match, to remind everyone why he is still the leading striker in Tequilo despite a recent run of injuries. That gradual return to fitness and a cautious approach to his rehabilitation meant coach Ramiro Paredo left him on the bench for the second game of the double header, trusting in an equally revitalised Roxelio Toran to do the job, and he repaid that faith with a goal in the chaotic start to the match - Roxelio earning a penalty in the first minute and duly dispatching, before the unfortunate Aleixo Claver, making his first start for the country, hit an own goal equaliser a minute later. Young attacking midfielder Çenturion put the Agave-Blues back in front 15 minutes later, but despite good possession and territorial dominance at El Mesperuza, the home side could not put the game to bed and typically the Zetans fought back with a last minute equaliser to frustrate the home crowd.

TEQUILO STAT SUMMARY
Competition goals: Tlacolotl (2) Vilca Hualla, Ricardo Bailén, Xaime Medal, Roxelio Toran (1)
Competition assists: Ixtub Tün, Tlacolotl, Ecuador, Huracan, Ecuador (1)
Competition PoMs: Huachalla, Tlacolotl, Eolo Sorazar (1)
Competition cards: Huracan, Ixtub Tün, Vilca Hualla, Ecuador, Huachalla, Tol Chicote, Ricardo Bailén, Blêxu, Çenturion, Jatsu Cañaverri (1 yellow card each)

Confirmed Line-Up for TEQUILO @ State of Trinity @ unpublished location
Oscar Bienvenida (VC) | Blêxu, Antton Machinena, Huracan, Eolo Sorazar | Aleixo Claver | Vilca Hualla (C), Çenturion, Ricardo Bailén | Roxelio Toran, Ecuador

Probable Line-Up for TEQUILO vs. Tikariot @ Estadio 77o, Ixta-Comitán, Chazapa
Oscar Bienvenida (VC) | Blêxu, Antton Machinena, Huracan, Huachalla | Ixtub Tün | Vilca Hualla (C), Niño Pinto, Ricardo Bailén | Tlacolotl, Ecuador

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
The things that are really dampening your tweets right now

Good morning everyone. We have letters!

Regular correspondent Rùben Curto of Chanco Cóndor writes: “Good start to the World Cup, I feel, though we really ought to have dispatched those damned Zetans, Rekans et al. What they hell are they going on about now with all this Terra Salamantica to win the World Cup business? I don’t even know what they are talking about, it’s all made up nonsense or something, a fantasy world - it’s even worse than your shoddy magazine. Umm, hello? Taxi for the Zetans and whatnot - clearly NattiQex are going to win the World Cup.”

Well everyone is entitled to their opinion, Rùben. ‘Gato de Selva’ of Tirinto is just pleased the Champions League is finally underway, purring: “At last, the Champions League is underway! And to think I rushed my dinner to tune in to the first match on the telè, only to find the announcement was premature and I had to wait nine days for kick-off - I could’ve cooked gator bourguinon with caramelised cactus and grasshopper frites instead of microwaving yesterday’s remains of the takeaway!”

“And another thing,” notes Dolores de Silva, of Dolores, though she never mentioned the first thing, “I hope the 77o fans [Pitxi-Pitxi 77 - Ed.] don’t write in whining because they had to replay their first preliminary rounds again due to an administrative slip up; after all, at least they still managed to get through. How they pilloried us Moto ultras last season for complaining when all those wins were taken away from us and we got knocked out three rounds sooner than reality, also because of administrative slip ups!”

Fair point Dolores, but unfortunately they have written in whining. ‘Furioso de 77o’ whines: “Who the hell is doing the administration of football these days? Your intern at the Gola desk?” [That’s fourteen too few Ls there, F.d77o, but we realise you were probably too furious to count - Ed].

Finally, following the revelation from regular García-spotter Norm. de Plume (‘I think García has been kidnapped!’ - yesterday’s letters), Sylvia Bombarra of Gardaresso helpfully confirms: “He’s in the army now! Uh-oh, in the army now!” - thank you Sylvia.

If you have spotted García, want to disagree with our correspondants or just like to share your opinion on the pitxi, please drop us a line at Letters To The Editor, spamcatcher@gola.teq or slowmail to PO Box 654353583.2, Grand Central Post Office, Tapalupé.¹.

RÚI DE LOS ROVAS
The famous cartoon strip from a fantasy football world - season 3

He’s back! Following the huge success of the rebooted Rúi de Los Rovas (literally no-one wrote in to complain) we launch season three of the reinvigorated cartoon strip following the fortunes of legendary Rúi Raza, fictional world class player, manager and now football agent, age 144 and going strong at his offices of the Raza Agency in ‘Switzerland’; where there are no extradition agreements and where he works with his son Roque, grandson Ronaldo, great-grand-daughter Rita and her son, generation five’s Rodi Raza-Shearer, coming through the ranks at Rúi’s legendary old club Blackburn Rovers.

And what a crazy storyline we have planned for you this season - Rúi’s agency headquarters at Infantino Towers in ’Switzerland’ gets raided by the feds with yet more corruption charges levelled at resident organised crime mob, ‘Der Fifa’, who used to run football but now stick to their longtime interests in money laundering, people trafficking and protectionism, and happen to have an office in the same building as The Raza Agency. Meanwhile, Rúi’s son Roque, still recovering from being shot by Vladimir ‘The Inhaler’ Putin, lands in more trouble while playing golf with a fascist ex-dictator and friend of Vlad’s at his private course in ‘Florida’, and young Rodi gets a move up north to fictional superclub Celtic, and a free holiday in Dubai that’s sure to go wrong.

But that’s not all… the big story that has got our cartoonists all a-twitter? Well, it may stretch the bounds of believability but we thought we’d really go out there this time with an apocalyptic tale about bat soup and the end of the world, including a disease named after a beer, a rogue state that set the disease in motion and then made gazillions selling protective equipment to help people survive it, and empty football stadiums all over the world with no-one to see it when ‘Everton’ became quite good again. You couldn’t make it up - and yet we’ll give it a try…

NEXT UP
What's coming next with GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLa!!!

In the next edition of GOLa Extra, we continue our thrilling look back at the Kipolalia Crisis when some of our boys went to Gibberwilde and caught the auto-imitation bug; PLUS! - in the Daily edition look out for more adventures of fictional comic book legend Rúi de Los Rovas, now into his 120s and running the family agency as he tries to find a new home for 'Lionel Messi', the world's greatest ever tax dodger; there will be our regular letters feature; we talk to some of the logistics team in the World Cup squad about how to manage a campaign of double-matchdays; and of course we'll keep you bang up to date with the progress of Los Pitxileros in World Cup 87...

[1]Or TG Tequilo and we'll be sure to publish you in the next edition of the DAILY!

World Cup 81/82/83/84

© Sporting Times Daily 2021
WCQ off to shaky start for BP
by Mindy Cartwright, National Soccer Editor

NT Women's Manager Jen Prescott, leading one of the two squads in this WC Qualifying tournament, was closer to bemused than amused in the aftermath of the most recent result, a 5-5 shootout against Cascadia which left the Commonwealth with just 3 points from their first three matches.

"There are a lot of different things that can be zeroed in on, dissected to get into the minutiae of why or why not something is an issue. But it comes down to being better over 90 minutes against whoever you're against, because they want your head, they want to stuff and mount you on a wall--'the AOCAF champs, the so-called interim champs'. I don't know if we're taking that shit too seriously, but I know my people are going be ready for the next time we're up (vs Quakmybush on matchday 6 at Falcon Stadium in State University)."

That was last month, and as the NT look ahead to the next matchday double header, starting off with Bonbokh u Pieche at Old College Park in Southend, some of the most senior NT player pool members have echoed Prescott's words.

"We'd better damned well be better all around than we have been so far", said Lorenzo Taborn ahead of the squad's final training session before leaving for Southend. "When I came in for (WC cycle) 81--along with a few others of us who'd been in the BOF, but not played in quali--the older players told us we'd better understand that this was a different world, and that we'd better get the jitters, the nerves, the f(oolishness) out of the way before things got serious".

Antonio Sotolongo, who had one of the five tallies for BP against Cascadia, accepted blame on behalf of the team on the pitch, as he was captain. "When you score a goal and the team scores five, that should be cause to be happy; when those things occur but the result is not a win, it takes a lot of the gloss off the achievement. I know all of the squad played to the best of their ability and we congratulate the Cascadia team for their result arising from their outstanding efforts. We look forward to the next chance to make amends."

This is the third time in the NS Sports era that the NT has drawn three matches in a row: ahead of the World Cup 81 Finals, BP faced Banija (1-1) and Free Republics (2-2) in friendlies before playing the defending World Champions Brenecia to a 1-1 stalemate at the Nail Frolov Colosseum in Santangelo Perotutia. The other occasion was in the following cycle, when a pair of 1-1 friendlies against Banija and New Lusitania & the Algarves preceded a WCQ matchday 1 scoreless draw against Nanatians & Nosts.
By comparison, there was only a single instance in pre-NSS history where three consecutive NT matches ended with honors even; in 1951-52 the trio of draws snapped the 8 match losing streak against international opponents that began the history of the BPNT (they would lose 2 matches following before recording the first ever victory in late 1952).

BP vs Bonbakh u Pieche:
Gaines; Bauer, Wiseman, Hutchins; Grimaldi, D'Amico, Nolan (C), Porter; Craig; West, Pryor

BP vs Electrum
Johnston; Bartok, Edmonds, Jordan; Westmoreland, Buxton, Taborn, Fernandez; Bozeman (C); Simmons, LeClair

by **Tumbra** » Fri Jan 15, 2021 12:40 am

Dunsford, Westmond
29 December 2020
12:06pm

The sun was up and it was gradually getting warmer across the cold commuter town of Dunsford, but when the investigating officer in charge of the Locke Case - as it had become to be known by the media - arrived in the police station at which Locke was locked up, he was holding a heavy winter coat in his hand. He went over to the counter officer.

"Is he sufficiently cold?"

"I believe so. We've had the temp at 10 degrees for a while. Moved him to the Freezer after the paperwork was done...which was about four hours ago. He should be sufficiently softened up by now," the counter officer murmured, clicking through a computer program. "He's huddled up in the corner of the room. Yeah."

"Thank you."

"Level 3, 4th room. Here's the remote."

The investigating officer's job was to find out some details from Locke about what happened and what he'd done to possibly have those items in his car. The car had long been sent to the state's crime scene investigation unit, and they'd found several pieces of evidence in the short time since the car had arrived at their headquarters. It wasn't looking good for Locke.

He put on the coat before going in. He hated using the Freezer to interrogate suspects, but it was effective at getting them to crack. He sighed, avoided the handle - which was always ice-cold to the touch - pushed the door - nope, just as bad, it's just as cold, why didn't I bring gloves - and went in, as the cold - no, freezing - air hit his face. The bright lights and white walls practically glowed in the room, designed for maximum discomfort and maximum information to be extracted. Investigators were given several tools

He gingerly took a step inside, and closed the door. The subject was curled up in the corner of the room in a foetal-esque position, and was shivering. His shoes had been removed, and his clothes had been replaced with the standard lockup uniform of a grey t-shirt and short pants. None of these would allow heat to remain in his body, and the it showed. The skin on his body had a slight red tinge to it, and it was certainly a pitiful sight all around.

"Ahem." the investigator said as he sat down on the chair in the middle of the room. Locke didn't move and continued to lie down.

"Ahem." No reaction.

"Ahem." A small glance, but then he continued looking down. "I think you'll find that I can be the key to your freedom from this place."

He slammed the remote down on the table.

"I can turn up the temperature of this room, or I can leave it as it is. If you co-ordinate with my instructions, then I can help make this place less unbearable for both of us. If you don't, well, I can always leave you here."

The statement had the desired effect. Slowly, but surely, he dragged himself across the frigid floor and onto the chair. He struggled to keep his head up, and seemingly refused to look at the investigator. A small but satisfied grin crept across the investigator's face, as he increased the temperature of the room by one degree, making a big show of demonstrating it to him.

"Good morning, Mr. Locke. You see, when you co-operate, the outcome gets better for both of us."

No response.

"I'll now proceed to read to you a summary of what's been going on, then I'll ask you some questions. You, Jacob Locke of Georgia, were arrested at 5.30am on 29 December 2020 for possession of an offensive weapon, namely, a baseball bat that our officers found in your car. You were also arrested for possession of a wanted vehicle, namely the green car you were driving."

No response, but Locke had put his elbows on the table to support his head, and was now staring intently at the investigator. Defiantly, the investigator noted.

"Let's begin with the basics. What were you doing on Dunsford West Road at 3.15am when you were stopped by the police?"

No response.

"Again, I remind you, Mr. Locke, I can either help your situation or make it worse. It all lies in this remote."

No response.

"Very well." The investigator pressed another button on the remote, lowering the temperature by one degree. "What were you doing on Dunsford West Road at 3.15am when you were stopped by the police?

4.15pm

The investigator walked out of the room, immensely frustrated, angry, and his nose red.

"No luck, sir?" the same counter officer said as the investigator walked toward him to return the remote.

"None. Damn that man. We weren't able to get a peep out of him."

"Looks like we'll keep him there, then. Can I have the remote back, please?"

The investigator grudgingly returned it, and walked out of the doors back onto the street. Fruitless, the case was definitely going to court.

by **Bluecliff** » Fri Jan 15, 2021 1:31 am

You aren't cheering for Bluecliff. That's well established.

Frankly, if your rattlesnake-rattle of a head¹ still has a slight inkling of cheering for Bluecliff, we can't help you other than to point you, and all the hapless fans already exhausted and fed up with the World Cup's endless drudgery, to the unquestioned pinnacle of world sport.

¹ This Ruvaslânan insult is supposed to convey the relative smallness of your brain. It really isn't anatomically correct and doesn't translate well, but it's been left in for ... effect and a bit of cultural flavor. You see the problems with the Ruvaslânans already, we presume.

The Bluecliff Championship begins in just a matter of mere weeks now (down from months as of a few weeks ago). The prohibitive favorites in the minds of the Ruvaslânans are the Ruvaslânans. What makes this situation different, though, is that Ruvaslâna is favored (a bit) outside Ruvaslâna. Genuinely, mind-bogglingly unprecedented stuff.

This is also the first Bluecliff Championship to occur since the union of the Fourteen Free Cities. An interesting little piece of trivia, to be sure, but one that pales in comparison to this "favorites" situation.

It is imperative that newcomers to the Bluecliff Championship understand the ongoing dynamics of the Championship before they choose a team. That's why we, thirteen authors of dubious origin among these Fourteen Free Cities, have taken it as incumbent upon our sacred duty to the world to inform all those interested of the major issues with the Ruvaslânan team at the Championship, and (let's be honest), Ruvaslânans in general.

Let's start with this nonsense. This garish gobbledeygook is not the "famous old blue, red, and gold" of a proud city sandwiched lengthwise between the merciless sea and the noble mountains. This flag is total malarkey.

Perhaps a bit harsh, but it got your attention. The point holds for much more than the flag. Speaking of attention, the Ruvaslânan is obsessed with it. I'm sure we don't have to tell you, but the flashy flag and the ridiculous length to width ratio of the damn city does nothing but scratch the surface of the borderline-pathological need for attention and control in that city, it's a nightmare. There is a reason that Ruvaslâna is the origin of both managers and is the first Free City previewed in the run-up to the Bluecliff Championship.

Ruvaslâna has the longest history in football of any of the Fourteen Free Cities, the oldest league, and some of the union's most storied clubs. It is the homeland of every manager the Bluecliff national team has ever had.
But again, it is first up on this list because of petty politics and irredeemably arrogant attitudes.

Here's what to expect from the Ruvaslânans, if your side has the grave misfortune to be drawn in a seven-city group with them for the first phase of the Bluecliff Championship.

The fans are as noisy as they are entitled, banging steel drums and hollering when they aren't busy scamming you or being much better than you in every way.
The food is garbage, unless you really like new and odd types of assorted spicy soups. Even for those palates greatly attuned to novel and exotic spicy soups, the food is garbage.
Have you even actually been to Ruvaslâna? You barely know what Bluecliff is² so let's assume no. The best way to describe Ruvaslâna is "stacked on top of itself." Ruvaslâna is one of the most densely populated places in the multiverse, owing, again, to the fact that it's sandwiched between the merciless sea and the noble mountains. You can scarcely feel yourself think in the place
²Fourteen Free Cities or Fourteen Free Cities and urban areas?
Speaking of being unable to think, for all their long history the Ruvaslânans have never come close to the tactical innovations of, say, Anatarīpatuhianata or the Beryèzians. How do you think Ninyan Makkak got the top job for the Baptism of Fire? It wasn't tactical genius and it wasn't merit, it's all the most boring, scummy, low-down, low-level politics you could possibly imagine
Are you sick of taking the train? Probably not. Public transport is objectively a good thing and trains are right up there with the best of em. Trust us, though, in Ruvaslâna? You will be sick of taking the train. This one doesn't have so much to do with the Bluecliff Championship but it really does need to be mentioned how sick you'll get of taking the train, and listening to the stupid announcements. For god's sake, we get it, "سِ انا ستات نُوانا"
The football is not that good, it's just good. We don't know how to explain this one, but we think you get it. You know? They're not inspiring, or entertaining, or interesting, they just win a lot. There's no fluid passing or sleek motion, no strange maneuvering with the wing backs like Nialabade tried that one time, no risks, no rewards, no passion, no fight, just the garish flags and the ball hitting the back of the net.
You really will get bored of taking the train

We wanted to keep the theme up and give you fourteen bullet points just here, but there's not that much to say that hasn't been said by the disdain for the weird soups. You could check out the mountains, I guess, and become enlightened by the yak farmers on your way to Colhaut, but we actually kind of like it there and so we'll leave that out. It's awfully peaceful to go to one of the smattering of resorts in the mountainside and overlook the long (again, ridiculously long) city's twinkling lights between you and the open ocean.

Maybe the only redeeming factor³ of Ruvaslâna comes once you get the hell out of it.
³ Besides the circumflexes, of course, those things rule.

Assistant Manager Makara Keho has no clue

No less than one hundred and ninety-six favors were traded between mid-to-low level Bluecliffian politicians in the last twenty-three hours. Once the countryside bridges were funded and the memorial parks renamed and the neighborhood council suitably stacked with allies, one noteworthy deal made it possible to announce that the Bluecliff National Team (which again, nobody has any interest in) will play their upcoming home game with South Newlandia at MALAV DALLIMAN MUSTEDÁN in

Alfoda Aljodillu. Home to the aptly named Alfodan club Dalliman Mustadán, Malav Dalliman Mustedán seats a shave under thirty thousand and is, to be honest, a bit creaky.
That's not what was important in the hosting decision - the Malav is situated adjacent to a flagship hotel owned by a consortium whose second most important investor has ties to a local politician whose ally has a connection in the sports ministry. That's all it takes, baby.

by **Sannyamathland** » Fri Jan 15, 2021 2:56 am

COSTLY ERRORS

Sannyamathland:0-2:Qasden

Costly Errors-yes that would be the correct words to describe the performances of the Sannyamathland National team till now in this year's World Cup Qualification.The loss to Qasden was truly an unfortunate one as the Lions had a decent outing,to be honest,but a few errors here and there lead to their downfall.Mount missed an easy goal chance,and Mbiki hit the woodworks from a fine position,all of which ultimately lead to a 2-0 thrasing by Qasden.These are mistakes,plain and simple,and very costly ones,let me remind you.
This happened in the last match too.Joe Wallow uneccesarily tackled the opponent striker in the box,which lead to the penalty and the subsequent decisive goal.Sannyamathland is now at the last position of their group,with not a single win in the last 3 matches.However,the only silver lining has been the 21 year old Ivan Sandiev,who has performed exceptionally well in each of the matches,and in the last match too he provided the beautiful pass to Mount,which the captain astonishingly missed.

by **Treekidistan** » Fri Jan 15, 2021 3:02 am

TREEKIDISTAN FOOTBALL FEDERATION OFFICIAL
Not upto the Mark

Gouvanarch 2–2 Treekidistan
Treekidistan 0–0 Juvencus
San Ortelio 1–0 Treekidistan

Group 6                                 Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Turori                                 3    3   0   0     5    2   +3     9
 2 San Ortelio                            3    2   1   0     4    2   +2     7
 3 Juvencus                               3    1   2   0     2    1   +1     5
 4 Freeport                               3    1   1   1     5    2   +3     4
 5 Mercedini                              3    1   1   1     5    3   +2     4
 6 Gouvanarch                             3    1   1   1     9    8   +1     4
   Qasden                                 3    1   1   1     2    1   +1     4
 8 Treekidistan                           3    0   2   1     2    3   −1     2
 9 Cosumar                                3    0   1   2     3    6   −3     1
10 Sannyamathland                         3    0   0   3     0    9   −9     0

Baptism of Fire and Ice champions are back! Three WorldCup Matchdays got over but the champions weren't able to win a game. The matches were against Gouvanarch,Juvencus and San Ortelio. Treekidistan drew the games against Juvencus and Gouvanarch but, lost to San Ortelio.
Matchday 1: Treekidistan versus Gouvanarch
In the first Matchday against Gouvanarch, The coach send the same playing XI as the one in the BoF Finals. The team was playing the debut world cup match. The team was still in the Final Championship Hangover. The Match started, within three minutes Gouvanarch scored their first goal. The players were startled. That was quick and that was against the champions. Treekidistan is 190th in the world cup rankings. The Victory over Bluecliff Football Team in the finals helped them to do so. The first goal helped Gouvanarch to keep a major possession against Treekidistan in the first half. No one scored any goal in the first half. The first half ended with Gouvanarch leading. In the second half, the possession was retaken by Treekidistan. Three minutes after the half time break (48'), Krishna Das Patel who was the MVP in the finals against Bluecliff started a counter attack. He was the gear of the attack, the acceleration was still with someone else. He sprinted forward and crossed the ball into the penalty box. Gonzales! Yes, he was there! Gonzales took the ball and gave a kick resulting in Treekidistan's first World Cup goal. Treekidistan was at the pace, the game continued and Gouvanarch tried high for a scoring a equilizer. But, all the shots were saved by the Treekid Keeper. Treekidistan started to play a defensive game, almost seventy nine percentage of counter attacks and shots on target were by the Gouvanarch players. But, the stats weren't applicable here. Another counter attack by Krishna das Patel and he passed the ball to Gonzales who sprinted forward like a Cheetah. In a small fraction of second, Gonzales flicked the ball to the left and Patel drifted and jumped for a header. That's quite a unusual header, yes it was unique. That's something unique to be a goal. Treekidistan scores another goal in the Seventy Fifth Minute. Treekidistan is on a lead of one goal against Gouvanarch. Gouvanarch continued to do counter attacks now, Treekidistan too was doing attacking gameplay. The game went without any goals till the eighty eighth minute. That was a counter attack from the Gouvanarch players, they took the shot near the penalty box and the goalkeeper successfully pushed it back. The ball went near the penalty spot, the goalkeeper jumped to take the ball in his hands, just then one of Treekidistans Defenders tried clearing the ball. Out of the confusion, both of them collapsed and the ball went to the legs of a Gouvanarch striker. It was a easy one, another goal and it was the end. The equilizer made the score a draw. Treekidistan 2-2 Gouvanarch.

Matchday 2: The second Matchday was a ought to win match for Treekidistan. The boring match for the strikers, were none of the goals were made. The match against Juvencus was one of its kind. The game was started with a Possession from Juvencus. Of course, Juvencus isn't new they're a well established bunch of football maniacs. Well established means we'll established whatelse? All the prediction servers and communities in Treekidistan published predictions saying that this will be the first lose of Treekidistan. Juvencus is once again, a well established bunch of football maniacs. But, the results can be unpredictable too. According to Betpool™, which is the number one, betting and prediction site in Treekidistan predicted "Treekidistan hasn't lost to anyone till date, they just started new but Juvencus isn't like that they have been playing for WorldCups for a long time. According to the betting tips and prediction controllers, Treekidistan will face its first ever defeat against Juvencus. The match will end for a score of three against one. Where, Treekidistan will score one and Juvencus Three.". Many other sites and organisations like 'Kixobets™', 'Sportztree™', 'Phoenix Betting Service' predicted the defeat of Treekidistan atleast for a margin of two goals. But, the biggest predictor Margaret wasn't predicting it. The Match ended as goal less draw that is 0-0. Juvencus 0-0 Treekidistan.

Matchday 3: The third Matchday was predicted to be a easy win, the game also was like that. There wasn't much movements in the ground. There used to be counter attacks and such things from both the sides but none could score a goal. San Ortelio isn't new, but the youth may do something great. Who knows, what would happen? The game ended for the first half for a score of 0-0. No one was able to score a goal. The second half started with a Majority Possession from Treekidistan. Treekidistan started its counter attacks more often. San Ortelio was calm but had to attack so that they could win the match. On the sixty nineth minute of the game, Gonzales sprinted forward and passed the ball to Patel who was at his front. Patel took the ball and kicked it in. That was goal!, Wait! Wait a min! The referee called for a offside, it was a clear offside. Poor Treekidistan, that was a chance to lead but it wasn't one now. The game continued again, but this time it's chance for San Ortelio, San Ortelio didn't miss it. A fantastic goal by one of their strikers helped them to the lead the match till the end. That's the end of the defeat less drive. Treekidistan faces it's first ever defeat against San Ortelio. Treekidistan 0-1 San Ortelio.

TREEKIDISTAN FOOTBALL FEDERATION OFFICIAL: Previous Edition

Treekidistan has a major culture known as Treekidism, There are three main holy texts in the religion of Treekids. They are:
1. The Symposium of the Lost Kid
2. El libro del niño salvador (The book of the Saviour Kid)
3. The Biova Testament

In the first book known as The Symposium of the Lost kid, there are twelve chapters in it. It is as follows:
Chapter 1: The Beginning (This chapter is about the beginning of the culture and the world)
Chapter 2: The Rise of the GodKing (This chapter deals with the Beginning of Treekid and the life of the God in the material world.)
Chapter 3: The Holy Solitude (This chapter is describing the holy Appearence of the kid and the miracles performed by him)
Chapter 4: The Ecosanance (This chapter describes the changes in the country and the places in the locality)
Chapter 5: The Crowning Glory (This chapter is the final chapter of the book saying about the crowning of Treekid as the sole ruler of the universe).

The
Symposium of the Lost Kid
Chapter 1: The Beginning

Edited Version

“Your acts values against your life, the goodness in you will bring you more closer to the almighty”

~ Chapter 1; Prologue

Life in the earth started from a single matter, the seed of life as it is known is the origin of the whole universe. Centuries and Centuries ago, there existed no earth, no creatures and no other bodies. Everything that existed was the void. Nothing could be seen, a dark lump of cloud no, it was just black as blindness. One day, that happened. A small blinking of light happened in the whole dark void. A Seed as gigantic as two Crores of fully grown elephants emerged from nowhere. The Seed the holy seed of life was thus created. The Seed rotated through the void until it reached its start, it suddenly got divided in to two halves. The upper half created the earth and the edge of the upper half remained as itself. The lower half created the creatures and other celestial bodies creating a environment as it is now. Alike the upper half, the lower edge also remained. The upper edge was captivated by a strong holy forces from the earth's surface and it grew out to be the holy tree of Treekidistan. The Mother Tree! The lower edge changed into the golden waterfall of immortality which is situated somewhere in the universe. The golden waterfall of immortality still remains as unidentifiable. The Mother Tree gave life to the creatures and created air,water and the knowledge of sciences and arts. The Mother Tree created a replica of itself so that the living organisms could use it for its benefit.

To be Continued...

World Cup 87 - RP Thread

WC-87q RP#3 MD4-5

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