Original Script
Esportiva was founded by the nation of Cyborg Holland right at the start of 2012, and quickly positioned itself as the third major sporting region behind the traditional heavyweights of Rushmore and Atlantian Oceania. Beginning as a depository for sporting puppet nations, it slowly began to take on an identity of its own, and although Cyborg Holland bowed out of international football in the early 60s, there were a slew of talented footballing nations ready to take their place and defend the honour of Esportiva on the world stage.
The Licentian Isles debuted as a fully-fledged Esportivan nation in Cycle 59, reaching the semi-finals of their Baptism of Fire tournament and finishing third behind Audioslavia and Karditan. Nevertheless, the Licentians qualified for the big dance in only their third attempt, two cycles before either the Bulls or the Robber Barons made their first appearances.
That first Licentian appearance coincided with the international football debuts of Apox and the Northern Sunrise Islands. Apox’s distinctive red and white stripes and left-field choice of a duck-billed platypus as their mascot would be seen in the last thirty-two just four cycles after their inception, while the Sunrise Islands would develop various branches across the sporting world, eventually unite as Unified Sunrise, and become a superpower after cycle 70. You may be more familiar with them as the nation of Kita-Hinode. /KEET-a hin-NO-duh/
The deeply missed Paradystopia debuted in cycle 63 and added a delicate dusting of absolute chaos to everything they touched, while cycle sixty-four would see the introduction of the talented Rüntenbach, for a while known as German American States, and some nation called ‘New Sideburn’, who you may be more familiar with under their new moniker. Every great team needs a rival, and Nephara’s arrived on the scene a cycle later as San Jose Guayabal took to the international stage.
Also debuting in the mid-sixties were Felix and The Royal Barangay, with the much-beloved Buyan entering the scene in cycle 67.
For most of the sixties, the Esportivan nations were represented sparsely in the last thirty-two. A period in which only Apox and the Licentians were proving strong enough to reach the finals. In one World Cup, the sixty-sixth edition, precisely zero nations from Esportiva were represented.
For World Cup 68 the boot would be firmly on the other foot.
World Cup 68’s double playoff system worked well but made a lot of people angry. I mean, that’s pretty much the tag-line for any system pioneered by Legalese and Free Republics. “It’ll work, but it’ll make people angry”
The idea was simple enough, but not so simple that I’d dare to explain it without the use of a powerpoint presentation. After the traditional double round-robin qualifiers, the winners of each of the twenty-four groups would go to a two-legged playoff. The teams finishing second and third in the groups would go into their own playoff. From here, the winners of the first playoff, over two legs, would go to the World Cup, with the losers going to a second playoff. Of the 48 runners up, half would go through to the second playoffs, with the other half being knocked out.
In the second playoff, these twenty-four teams would be drawn with the twelve losers from the Group Winners’ playoff. The eighteen winners over two legs would go to the World Cup.
Northern Sunrise Islands struck a blow for Esportiva in the winners’ playoff, cruising past Rushmore’s Cassadaigua, while Atlantian Oceania’s Blouman Empire came up short against Felix to ensure that at least two Esportivans would be going into the finals. Further down this list we see Audioslavia winning the Unofficial World Championship from Sameba.
In the second playoff, an array of Esportivan football teams went toe to toe with rivals from AO, Rushmore and the rest of the multiverse. Esportiva’s Super-Llamaland and The Licentian Isles would face Rushmore’s Taeshan and Sameba respectively. Atlantian Oceanian heavyweights Ko-oren, Starblaydia and Farfadillis would pose tough tests for German American States, Paradystopia and Nephara, here still known as New Sideburn. Elsewhere, The Royal Barangay versus Estope is an all-Esportiva clash, while veterans The Archregimancy would be trying to stop San Jose Guayabal from qualifying for their first World Cup.
On this chart we see the teams from these matchups. The Y axis is how many World Cups the side had qualified for prior to World Cup 68, the X axis is their KPB ranking before the qualifiers began. As you might expect, the Esportivans’ playoff opponents had a huge advantage in both skill and experience. In each matchup bar one, the Esportivan nations are at a disadvantage. That especially goes for Paradystopia and San Jose Guayabal, who are giving up a huge deficit in experience and ranking points. Taeshan have an edge over X, while German American States, Super-Llamaland and X are all very much second-favourites. Only The Licentian Isles, the highest ranked Esportivan team here, have an advantage over a Sameba side that actually dropped into the second playoff from the winners’ bracket.
Esportiva already has two teams in the World Cup, and will definitely have one more, with regionmates Estope and Y playing one another. The Licentian Isles are likely on course for a fifth World Cup, but what of the rest? If only one of these nations can grab an unlikely upset victory, the region of Esportiva will have five nations in the World Cup for the first time in its history.
After the dust settled, the day of the second leg of the playoffs had been given a name: Red Wednesday.
Trivia / Extras
- Not all of the matches on Red Wednesday were RP’d. For those, I just invented the scorers and times. Sorry not sorry. RP Permissions have a statute of limitations.
- Generally, when I create a mediocre chapter of TIP, I feel satisfied with what I’ve done. When I write a *good* one, I feel like I could, or should, have done it even better. This is one of the latter.
- I owe Super Llamaland an apology. They should have featured much more in this video than they did. I made the RISE image back in 2014, when all this was going down, and apparently forgot to include them in it - an error which I then compounded by leaving them out of *most* of this video. They are still there in the big scrolly bit though.
- For a few months this year I fell off the wagon and I was smoking cigarettes again. I think that’s evident in my vocal performance, which is definitely not my favourite. Don’t smoke, kids.
- Chapters 6 and 7 were originally the same video, but they got split into two on Mriin’s advice. The original version was only 20 minutes long, so it wouldn’t even have been the longest TIP video if it had stayed at that length, but it was so incredibly dense and wordy - with the vocals faster than normal and covering so much ground over those twenty minutes - that it was utterly exhausting to watch all in one go. Cutting it in half and adding a quiet opening to chapter 7 was the right call.
- The only disadvantage to splitting the video in half is that Red Wednesday and the Endless Sunrise was easily the best title of any TIP video.
