Græntfjall Domestic Sports Thread

by **Graintfjall** » Mon Feb 01, 2021 6:53 am

MD2
Korsbach 2–2 Estdal
Steinaux 1–1 Fliserboding
Lammedal 4–2 Hofvinger
Altendalur 3–1 Folte
Mühlrich 2–1 Maigburg
Molding 2–2 Gunzlach

Fjölvar was a lot less excited about a second half comeback this week, as his beloved Sabres were on the end of a spirited Estdal rally capped by a Rato Guðmannsson header that cost the home team two points (and Fjölvar himself even more points, continuing as he did to soldier on with half the Korsbach defence in his fantasy team). Svanfríð, ice in her veins as ever, had been cheered by Kleveir’s goal last week but subbed him out for Quîrîjá all the same, seeing the writing on the wall that the Farf striker was to be the go-to 9 for Steinaux in Erlingsson’s continued absence, and was rewarded with a goal. Fliserboding’s goal spoiled a clean sheet for Marietta Briggs, though, whom she’d also picked. Steinaux’s injury worries continued, with Cail Coghlan limping off early, which was bad news for Einar, who’d picked the dependable winger in his team. Vrona Adamska was another injury hit, this time for the Locusts, which was less of a fantasy concern as no one in the office had picked any Fliserboding defenders against the mighty Sausages’ offence.

Poor Arnfast regretted not playing his wild card after last week proved his instincts about Hofvinger’s defensive prowess wrong: this week confirmed his error as Lammedal spanked four goals past the unfortunate Thörnqvist (still in Arnfast’s team, still racking up negative fantasy points that his offensive picks didn’t offset as Gainsbourg let Anderson Pill and Mateus Kujan take over the scoring load for Molding). One of the goals came from defender Salmar Sigbjörnsson, a blind impulse pick for the lucky Julian. Lyngar Rögnvaldursson’s double was scant consolation for worried Northern Wolves’ fans, but good news for Larissa who’d decided to transfer for the dependable striker. She had a great week, soaring to the top of the table as perennial fantasy great Tyler Prentice proved worth the points she’d gambled on him, scoring twice. The only fly in the ointment was Gunzlach being held to a draw, and yet another Wakabayashi goal taunting Larissa’s reluctant decision not to pick her.

Arnfast’s week went from bad to worse as Natasja Hólmarsdóttir picked up two yellow cards. Not only did the sending off cost him points it meant she’d be suspended next match so he’d need to transfer her out of his fantasy team, which meant in the (he insists, not completely unlikely) event he ran into her mid-week, he’d lose his sure-fire chat-up line.

MD3
Gunzlach 0–0 Korsbach
Maigburg 4–3 Molding
Folte 4–3 Mühlrich
Hofvinger 3–2 Altendalur
Fliserboding 2–1 Lammedal
Estdal 3–0 Steinaux

Come Monday morning, Fjölvar spent fifteen minutes leaning on Larissa’s reception desk recounting the way his Sabres had valiantly held her Gunners to a 0 – 0 draw; the only reason she didn’t grind her teeth down in frustration was that she’d stuck with Jorgesson in goal, who had rewarded her with a clean sheet, and continued to risk not picking Wakabayashi, who had had a rare game without a goal or assist. McCabe also continued to be a strong pick for Fjölvar in the fantasy stakes, his captain scoring twice against the Turtles.

At last some good fortune for Arnfast, who’d made Eiríka Jonathansdóttir his captain. She scored a hat-trick (including a penalty that Hólmarsdóttir would probably have taken); the fourth goal was reassigned away from after the Order’s chanting and burning of black candles, but it was still a fantastic points haul for struggling AFC Arnfast (and enough to leave Molding, wannabe title contenders, bottom of the table). Not such good news for Einar: Gainsbourg, his captain, scored a goal, but his tactic of picking whomever played against Estdal ran seriously aground in their shock win over stumbling defending champions Steinaux. After the game, Svanfríð decided to swap out Quîrîjá for the potent Rato Guðmannsson, who’d scored twice, but it was a case of shutting the harpoon enclosure after the whale has bolted.

Even worse for Einar, he’d picked up through the grapevine that Altendalur were considering some changes to their ageing defence, and gambled on young Lau Sifong to play ahead of Thorn Tristram. Lau did play – and got sent off, as Altendalur continued their tradition of having the worst disciplinary record in the GPL (evidence of their uncouth Western brutishness, or of a systemic anti-Western bias among the referees?). And he’d picked Pedro Roâ: the young Tequiloan phenom wasn’t, thus far, continuing last season’s goal scoring spree, and managed another fat null points this week as the Chessmen’s goals came through Prentice (of course) and Pistor.

Julian had picked Sara Aðalsteinnsdóttir having noticed a really good Fliserboding midfielder called Sara. Of course, he was thinking of a player who left the club two seasons ago, but no matter, this Sara scored anyway, in the battle of the newly promoted sides. Festering rivalries from last season’s Division 1 scraps left it a messy game with 10 yellow cards handed out, and each of our fantasy players were affected, Einar – to put a miserable cap on his week – with two from each team, having chosen a number of budget options to give himself room in the budget for Wakabayashi. Who went goalless. Oh, Einar…

Week 3 Fantasy Standings
Larissa's Warriors     		77
SwagBois69             		71
121_weasels_in_11_trenchcoats	62
The Meteors          		61
AFC Arnfast      		60
enter team name here 		42

by **Graintfjall** » Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:05 pm

MD4
Korsbach 0–1 Steinaux
Lammedal 0–1 Estdal
Mühlrich 0–1 Hofvinger
Gunzlach 3–1 Maigburg
Altendalur 2–0 Fliserboding
Molding 3–3 Folte

It was a tough Monday morning in the office. Korsbach’s first defeat of the season marked another first: the first use of goal-line technology to review a goal in GPL history. The shot had pretty clearly crossed the line, but not according to Fjölvar who turned what was meant to be the morning’s supply chain review meeting into a 90 minute lecture on the unfairness of it all. Svanfríð rued trading Quîrîjá away, though Fabian Lukasson proved a good cheap pick when he grabbed the winner against Lammedal, and decided to swap him back into her team for next week, fancying he might score a hatful against Estdal’s every-leaky defense. Rögnvaldursson’s goal was good news for Larissa; Prentice added a penalty against Fliserboding for more points, and Liam Hughes’s two thumping headers against Maigburg ensured she retained the pole position in the office league.

Einar was initially left fuming: he’d transferred Pedro Roâ after his disappointing start to the season, only for him to now find his scoring touch, while Tristram, whom he’d picked in place of Lau, was booked. By Tuesday he’d cheered up, though, as his captain Gainsbourg scored her second hat-trick of the season in the Monday evening game.

Despite keeping a clean sheet for the first time, Anne Davidsdóttir’s injury was the final straw in Arnfast’s gamble on Hofvinger defenders, and he decided to play his ‘wild card’ option just 4 weeks into the season. One of the players he picked in his new selection was Gainsbourg, though too late to benefit from this week’s haul. It meant she was now in half the office’s teams; nationwide, she was picked by 47% of all players, the most of any player. One of the players he gave up was Jonathansdóttir, despite her goal against Gunzlach.

MD5
Maigburg 0–2 Korsbach
Folte 0–0 Gunzlach
Hofvinger 1–2 Molding
Fliserboding 0–1 Mühlrich
Estdal 2–4 Altendalur
Steinaux 4–0 Lammedal

It may seem unfair that fantasy football treats every goal as worth exactly the same points value. A beautiful curling shot earns exactly the same points as Melina Nicosdóttir’s toe-poke tap-in. And yet, that’s true of football itself: all that matters is the scoreline, no matter how it comes about. Such were the weighty dualities of modern life that the staff of Hvítur Hali were left to consider as Fjölvar dedicated the first hour of the Monday workday to replaying the highlights of the Sabres’ 2 – 0 away win at Maigburg.

Gainsbourg continued scoring (though those who had her in her team were annoyed she turned over penalty taking duties to Michael Arciniega, who calmly slotted the winner). Rögnvaldursson, by contrast, annoy Larissa with a limpid display, and compounded her frustration by being substituted for Jori Kjellsson, who duly scored a consolation goal that lost her the clean sheet bonus points for Christian Einvarðursson. Lilly Wolfgangsdóttir continued not scoring, justifying Larissa’s decision to move on from her, though watching her beloved Gunners fail to score against the Striders, whose defense has fallen apart so far this season, spoiled even the satisfaction of that. The 0 – 0 draw at least meant Hughes earned some clean sheet points both for her, and for Svanfríð, who’d transferred for him after noting his increased role at set pieces and calculating that a defender capable of scoring was a good investment. Fjölvar’s violently masturbatory celebrations of Korsbach’s win meant he failed to notice McCabe going goalless for the first time in a while.

It hadn’t always worked for him, but Einar’s “whomever is playing against Estdal” strategy began paying rich dividends when Pistor scored early (Julian rued transferring her out of his team, after feeling all the comic potential of calling her “pissed-her-self” had been mined). Pedro Roâ added to the scoring to dampen Einar’s mood a little, and Tyler Prentice got in on the action to help Larissa, just barely, retain her lead on the office league. Not such a good game for Arnfast, who’d picked Logan Osborn (the strange, exotic name appealing to his romantic sensibilities as he imagined who mysterious meaning it held in its native tongue): Osborn was the worst fantasy player of the week as he picked up a yellow card for a foul that earned Estdal a penalty, and then scored them a second with his own head. Osborn had been a terrific player for Altendalur last season but seemed to be ageing quite poorly and Einar took a punt, transferring for Koji Nishimoto whom he suspected might soon be in the starting lineup, or at least getting regular minutes, for the Chessmen, and was still pretty cheap.

Steinaux’s 4 – 0 win was a case of sharing around the goodies. Paan Kleiver, getting a start, scored in the opening minutes, Julian having found room in the budget for the plucky satyr whose price had dropped a bit since mainly coming off the bench. (Incidentally, Julian finds the phrase ‘coming off the bench’ uncomfortable, as he was once arrested for doing exactly that in a public park.) Çè Quîrîjá chimed in, twice, much to Svanfríð’s delight, and Hrærekur Jvarsson joined in as well, which again benefitted Julian’s team (despite being an expensive player, Julian had picked Jvarsson, feeling he owed him a place in the side after the amount of time he’d spent ogling the man’s wife in a magazine spread in which she discussed … some Mytanar political thingy, Julian wasn’t too sure, he wasn’t exactly looking at the text).

Week 5 Fantasy Standings
Larissa's Warriors    		101
The Meteors          		98
SwagBois69             		82
121_weasels_in_11_trenchcoats	82
AFC Arnfast      		76
enter team name here 		50

by **Graintfjall** » Sat Mar 27, 2021 3:46 pm

First things first, an apology and an admission. I tried a different RP arc this season, but I lost interest in it. Then a month went by, I lost track of some of data, and with no motivation to continue, I’ve had to call that one. It’s hardly the first RP arc I’ve ever abandoned after finding my literary eyes were bigger than my stomach, but as it affects other people’s players, I do apologize. It means I’ve chosen to play out the rest of the season in slightly different fashion. I doubt anyone is mortally offended at not finding out who won a fictional office fantasy football league for a fictional league,t but I can certainly promise that next season’s RP arc will be even more disjointed, half-baked, poorly planned, and ultimately blue-balling.

Those who followed the World Cup of Hockey draw may have noticed Ms Aurora Shadowsoul dealing a traditional Græntfjaller deck of tarotspil. Or at least – the suit cards. The Minor Arcana. But what about the trump cards – the Major Arcana?

Snævar Arnviðsson

Remember how Maigburg shelled out to retain the services of dynamic central midfielder Natasja Hólmarsdóttir? Well, just a few weeks into the season, Maigburg were loitering in the relegation zone, with little inspiration to move forward. And Natasja came calling for a transfer anyway. A deal was hammered out with Grande Mountain of the newly formed Cassadagan league. Several other Græntfjaller women also made a mid-season jump, most notably Lilly Wolfgangsdóttir, whose career switch from Altendalur – where she was a club legend for scoring the goal that won them the GPL title – to Gunzlach – where she was a bit part, a very poor man’s Jason Þórhallursson – had definitely not worked out.

But the arrangement left a sour taste for the Catbears, who’d invested so much in developing Natasja, only to lose her because she felt her national team ambitions were being frustrated playing on a struggling side. Grande Mountain finished the Dagan season in the top 4, so she’ll have a chance at IFCF action, something that never would have happened with Maigburg (not to serve up a spoiler already, but no, they did not manage to get into the top places of the GPL after the dreadful start to the season they endured). With some GPL teams going mad splurging on transfers and free agents in the off-season, Maigburg’s own acquisitions – an ageing Sarian midfielder, a young Sharktail goalkeeper, and a literal fucking hedgehog – weren’t enough to keep pace.

Worse was to follow. Rayyan Noor Zaman, the Akhdari right-back who’d incomprehensibly led the Green Falcons in scoring during their ill-fated World Cup 87 qualifying campaign, had been brought in as replacement for highly popular club legend Paulina Philipsdóttir, who, frustrated at being overlooked for national team selection, had departed for nearby San Ortelio to prove her case. Catbear ultras, long champions of Paulina’s credentials (most neutral observers felt she lacked the defensive soundness and pace of Elektra Lúthersdóttir), responded in sickening fashion by repeatedly racially abusing Zaman. Last season was blighted by Turtle ultras abusing some of their opponents, but this was the first time the uglier section of Græntfjaller fans had turned their fire on one of their own players.

Club Chairman Snævar Arnviðsson, who had mishandled negotiations with Natasja, now issued a pathetic response that was equal parts equivocation, victim-blaming, and outright blinkered denial. When Petter Erlingsson issued a scathing criticism of the club’s inaction, a ‘tired and emotional’ Arnviðsson called in to the Jessika Jünkindietrünk show on which he was appearing and tried to challenge Erlingsson to a fist fight. A subsequent twii.tur barrage after his invitation was declined by the Steinaux captain indicated that Arnviðsson was concerned that racists were getting all the attention and didn’t want homophobes and misogynists to feel left out, so did a good job representing both. It was all too much for the club’s star player, Eiríka Jonathansdóttir, who – now firmly in the national team squad reckoning – decided she’d had enough and announced she too would be leaving at the end of the season.

As, fortunately, would Mr Arnviðsson, who lost a vote of confidence at a club EGM and was sent packing. The Catbears scrapped their way to 9th place (spoilers!) and stayed up, although next season they will be missing both their lead central midfielder, and their main striker. Eiríka’s 12 goals were a little down on last season’s haul but still led the team. But who would want to join a club as dysfunctional (or represent a fan base as toxic) as Maigburg? They will have a hard time even keeping the players they already have on their books – though, surprisingly, Zaman himself decided to stay, having scored 9 goals and impressed as a rare Akhdari model of professionalism in the face of everything he endured.

Çè Quîrîjá and

Paan Kleveir – Goal of the Season

Steinaux were rocked by two major injury blows this season. In the pre-season New Græntfjaller Super Cup, Petter Erlingsson went down with a knee injury that required season ending (or ‘season never starting in the first place’) surgery; halfway through the season, Hrærekur Jvarsson was ruled out with a back injury that saw him miss the Copa Rushmoreroundofsixteendefeatsatthehandsofnephara. But, yet, but wait, no spoilers – ugh, no, this isn’t going to work. Let’s just say: spoilers. And jump right to the end: Steinaux won the league, becoming the first team to successfully defend their title for more than a decade. Even without two club legends, two of the strongest Græntfjaller players in the league, they won. At the halfway mark they’d been down in fourth place, but a strong back end to the season powered them over the line, including a 2 – 7 demolition of the Gunners in their hated rivals’ own stadium. They also accounted for the biggest win of the season, an 8 – 1 crushing of the insipid Mühlrich.

How did the Sausages manage it? A lot of credit must go to their defensive giant, Hjörleifur Reynarsson, more on whom later, but what they really needed with Erlingsson, the reigning Gold Boot out for the season, was goals. Çè Quîrîjá stepped up. Farf players have perhaps struggled slightly adapting to the GPL, with its more defensive style and lower tolerance for eccentricity (and the fact it’s too cold to get a proper arson raging); since we’re into spoiler territory, the Farf-heaviest club, Estdal, continued to struggle this season. Çè Quîrîjá himself had a quiet first season, spending a lot of time on the bench. But taking on the starting ‘9’ role this season he excelled, putting the Farf Statistical Deviation to good use and raking in 15 goals. But he was, surprisingly, outscored by Paan Kleveir, the satyr who was there to prove that Mriin’s farewell to international ~~foot~~hoofball wouldn’t mean they were entirely forgotten. He scored 16 times, featuring in a variety of roles: starting alongside Çè Quîrîjá, playing behind him in the ‘10’ slot, or coming off the bench as an impact sub – fully half of his goals came from games he did not start in.

Çè Quîrîjá and Kleveir proved popular with Sausages fans. The naked commercialism of the oil-money club has rather bleached it of its individual identity (even the shirts are now stark white) and Erlingsson, while a club hero, is so effortlessly politik and cautious as to smooth any potential controversies. While Erlingsson should return next season, Sausages fans will no doubt be hoping for plenty of appearances from the dynamic foreign strikers, whose influence was probably best summed up by a goal during the 3 – 0 win over Altendalur. Technically credited to Kleveir – and thus proving the difference in their end-of-season tallies – much of the work was done by Çè Quîrîjá, who dribbled half the length of the field, shredding what was once – but definitely no longer – the league’s best defense before slipping a perfectly weighted pass to Kleveir, who finished with a cheeky gabb*.

* Græntfjaller term for rabona.

Momoko Wakabayashi – People’s Player of the Year

It’s something of a mystery who Momoko Wakabayashi even is. Barely heralded coming out of the Hinodejin Empire, she spent a brief uneventful spell with Myrtle Wanderers in Xanneria, before being picked up on the free agent market by Gunzlach. Grappling with foreign naming conventions, she was initially listed as ‘W. Momoko’ on the team roster, with the joke being the ‘W’ stood for ‘Who?’. The answer: it stands for the player who’s had more points (goals and assists) than any other in the league over the past 3 seasons. Wildly popular with her loyal Gunzlach fans, she’s also set something of a trend, with Gunzlach becoming the go-to club for talented female players.

Women have always played equal with men in Græntfjall, one of the few happier legacies of the communist era. But men still dominate the rosters of most of the top clubs; Steinaux themselves, for all the progressive buzzwords spewed by Überolía as they try to distract from their rapacious corporate interests, have historically fielded relatively few women. Gunzlach, by contrast, have come to embrace women players. They played a key role in developing Jade Miansdóttir, who’s moved to Kohnhead and become a regular national team member, and this season regularly fielded a starting XI with 6 of them: Arinbjörg Björnsdóttir and precocious Quebecois defensive prospect An Seung-Mi, Jaida Bissette and the dazzling creative talent Delphi Barbarouses, and Hanna Takáts, the first Pasargan to play in the GPL and one of the most eagerly anticipated off-season signings – and, of course, Wakabayashi.

The one woman who didn’t work out at Gunzlach was Lilly Wolfgangsdóttir, who they shipped off to Cassadaigua and right quick, which left Wakabayashi to shoulder much of the offensive burden. She scored 14 goals and had 11 assists – scoring or assisting on fully half of every goal Gunzlach scored – and added a brace in the Cup final. She was less effective at IFCF level, and showed signs of overuse as she tired towards the end of the season, so once again the club will be looking for reinforcements up front. Takáts, with 11 goals, and Barbarouses, with 13 assists, certainly helped out, but they were second in the fan estimations to the cult heroine Wakabayashi, who has even sparked an unusual new tradition, with fans pelting the ground with peaches (based on an approximate translation of her name into Græntfjaller). It beats cabbages, I guess.

Alicia Gainsbourg – Gold Boot

Gainsbourg had been slow to warm up to the GPL last season. This time she got going fast, with two hat-tricks in the first month, and kept going. She finished on 23 goals in 22 games – short of Þórhallursson’s record mark, but the most ever by a woman and the most ever by a foreigner, though at times, the 6’4” Chromatik could have comfortably passed as an honorary Big Fucking Græntfjaller. Her relentless goal scoring drove Molding on all season to the title they quite openly coveted: it was theirs to lose at the midway mark. Which, they did, as back to back losses to Maigburg and Folte, and draws with Hofvinger and Fliserboding, meaning they took 2 points from the next month of games. By then the traditional big three had passed them and the Gold Shrews were left to rue yet another fourth place finish.

In the off-season, they’d brought in more strikers, including Mateus Kujan, the single biggest spend in GPL history. 3 million NS$ for 8 goals seemed a lot, but the scouting on Kujan had always been that he was not a prolific finisher, and with Gainsbourg knocking them in from every angle, he didn’t need to be. Instead, his support play allowed her to flourish, while opening up opportunities for Sinisa Gaspersie and Hanne Heikkisdóttir to use their pace. Critics felt Molding’s problems came from the midfield, with Michael Arciniega, though a doughty player who put in effort for every minute he played, not really the midfield maestro worthy of a big-spending club. No prizes for guessing who they’ll be targetting in the off-season transfer market.

And it won’t be defenders, as having locked down Mathias Kristersson and Fredrik Thorleifsson, they have one of the best center back pairings in the league ready to go, and homegrown too. Center backs have come to rival oil, metals, and racism as Græntfjall’s biggest exports in recent years, but these two aren’t going anywhere. Well, except to a new stadium. That’s right: having poured money into the club, Grupo Taxhavn have decided the tatty little Spajoküm Arena isn’t quite on brand with their image, so Molding will be moving to a new stadium in South Háttmark. Early indications are it will be substantially larger than either the Grand National or International Arenas, but dedicated solely to football, Tequiloan interests being more focussed than Græntfjaller ones. The Gold Shrews will walk out next season in what will almost certainly be the biggest, best stadium in the country. A fitting stage in which to finish fourth, again.

Will Barnard – Manager of the Year

Gunzlach nearly won it all this year, until on the penultimate day of the season – hey, I said, we’re past spoilers – they suffered a gutting 4 – 2 defeat away at Lammedal, by far the worst team in the league. That put them out of range of Steinaux, and just within range of Altendalur, whom they thrashed 3 – 0 on the final day to hand the title to their North Háttmark rivals; in previous years, it was suggested, they might have thrown the game to avoid gifting the league to Steinaux, but the new second Champions League place meant they had to win to stay ahead of Altendalur and Molding. At least they could look back fondly to the start of the season, when they’d beaten the Sausages in the New Super Cup (and, some of the harder line Gunners ultras boasted, crocked their captain for the season). And they had a last laugh too, one week after the final of the league, when they again beat Steinaux, this time in the Cup Final, to make it three Cups in a row for the Gunners. In between, of course, they’d surrendered that awful 2 – 7 mauling.

Whether or not two trophies, second in the league, and a Champions League berth was enough depends on your perspective. Any other club would have sawed off their leg (a treatment Gunzlach’s team doctor helpfully tried to administer to the injured Petter Erlingsson before stewards hauled him off, incidentally) for such dividends. For the Gunners, it wasn’t enough, especially as it was the Sausages who won the league. For Will Barnard, it was largely vindication of his off-season purchases – Takáts was excellent, Barbarouses capable of inconsistent brilliance, Noffke dependable despite a loss of pace, and An Seung-Mi developing into a high quality defensive option who could also play forward alongside Barnard’s countryman Diaz in defensive midfield – given he hadn’t made the single big smash purchase some fans had hoped for.

Barnard has also been responsible for popularizing the 3 – 4 – 1 – 2, previously basically unknown in Græntfjall, a country where deviation from 4 – 4 – 2 was until relatively recently treated on par with witchcraft (and remedied, with burning torch, in much the same way). It actually makes a lot of sense, given the overabundance of center backs, to move to formations allowing three of them to play, but it’s taken an outsider to bring such common sense to these shores. Barnard is likely to retain one inch of a buttock on the hot seat for as long as he doesn’t bring Gunzlach a league title, but that’s just a reflection of how unreasonably demanding the Gunners’ fanbase can be. A deeper IFCF run would also be nice although a return to the Champions League will mean being thrown in at the very deep end.

Cardinal Jannik Eyjarsson

He’s actually not the Pope, although his aspirations to promotion are held back only by the uncertainty over whether such a figure even exists in the multiverse at the moment. All the same, Cardinal Jannik Eyjarsson is the dominant figure in Græntfjaller Catholicism, and his dedication at the New Laxenvöllur drew a huge crowd. Tragically for Mühlrich, it was actually the biggest crowd they drew all year, as they struggled to fill their brand spanking new stadium. Especially once it became clear they were going to be relegated. That’s right, the Turtles, one of the oldest and most prestigious clubs in Græntfjall, were sent crashing from the GPL after scraping only a draw against Molding on the final day, though Maigburg smashed the dismal Lammedal anyway to make the result immaterial.

Mühlrich were shaken by last season’s financial penalties for their fans’ racist chanting and the loss of star midfielder Álfar Ásvaldursson, who’s gone on to much happier pastures with Teus club Marlesee 97. But they still had enough quality that they should have avoided such a fate, including several international caps, among them Baptism of Fire winner Ásgautur Johannesson, whose joining from Altendalur gave the uncomfortable impression that he was moving in search of a club whose “values” better fitted his own: given his choice of destination was a club just fined for xenophobic behavior, it left questions about what his values were, that he happily clarified in a press conference of stunningly base profanity. They brought in foreign players Antti Roope and Kam Grijs to partner the admittedly ageing Richard Armada. And it was all to be for nought.

The Cardinal’s fiery dedication still ringing in their ears – his speech had warned against the evils of modern life (he apparently considered “Islamist terrorism” and “boys playing with dolls” to be morally equivalent in his list of said evils) – the Turtles’ season began OK, reaching as high as 8th place. They’d never seriously been targetting IFCF places but as they went unbeaten for six games at one stage, relegation seemed a distant threat. But in the back half of the season their form collapsed, failing to win a single game away from home. Their expensive new digs loomed like a massive white elephant. Their fans at least managed to keep their behavior in check (at least compared to the Catbear Crowd).

The Turtles’ future is unclear. Foreign players are likely to be granted releases, and relegated clubs have not – with the honorable exception of Fliserboding – found it easy to win back their places in the GPL. Anyone remember that Kuodorf used to be a GPL side? They also represent the deeply unfashionable south of the country when the entire focus of international attention seems to be on the north, which will make it harder to attract even domestic talent. André Raphaelsson has been fired. The club is in a huge mire. It’s going to need more than a few prayers to drag them out.

Footballer’s Wives

Even a headline-grabbing acquisition by new super-channel GS SuperSports+ couldn’t fix that annoyingly incorrect apostrophe. Otherwise, though, the producers of Footballer’s Wives continued to rake in the cash as each episode drew massive viewing figures. They could practically start printing their money after a telenovela adaptation for the Verdean market was announced. Here are some of the highlights from this season’s episodes:

Trying to capitalize on her insane domestic form, Alicia Gainsbourg makes a domestic appearance, with her boyfriend, Tomas Osborn, a lawyer with the interestingly named Death Templar Law Firm. Sadly that’s about all that’s interesting as they seem a loving, happy couple – ugh! Terrible for television! Fortunately, they were featured in an episode set at a dinner party hosted by Mathias and Bjarnfreður; the latter spiced things up with an elaborate tantrum.
Keilah put on some tanning lotion.
Another happy couple were steadily phased out. Karoline Vernerisdóttir made one final NT appearance in a last gasp effort to qualify for World Cup 87 but has since essentially retired, and Kang Guilin, apparently unhappy with her will-she-won’t-she attitude, informed her that as far as he’s concerned, she won’t. All of which has made Stephanie very happy, with a corresponding dip in interest from viewers. Karoline will no longer appear on the show starting next season, and the producers are scrambling to find another same sex couple to fill in for them, much to the good Cardinal’s horror, leading to a sermon about an “infestation of lesbians” (an “infestation of lesbians” is, incidentally, what tech support described finding on the Cardinal’s hard drive).
Kyrri popped his shirt off.
Daniela’s role on the show has grown larger as Stefan Jokulsson has started playing more often for the national team, but with Ralf retired, some of the old spark with Cathrine is gone. Thus there was much excitement when it was announced Ralf is planning on going into management, but so far actual drama is yet to spark, footage of him patiently sitting in coaching course lessons or leading out children for dribbling practice failing to yield much in the way of exciting personality clashes.
Keilah bought oranges, dropped them, and bent over to pick them up.
Mia has not let the small matter of her son moving to a different country slow down her ambition for stardom. She flits between Teusland and Græntfjall, proving that she’s a truly international menace. Her abortive attempts at launching a singing career have been a major focus of this season, as have been her business partnership with Tanja, hawking a perfume so noxious it led to an export ban under legislation to prevent chemical weapons proliferation.
Kyrri put a new shirt on, then popped it off again.
Enesa didn’t let the small matter of her husband’s injury ruling him out for much of the football season prevent her from grabbing plenty of screen time. She was even invited to provide commentary as GTV covered the Mytanar elections, slinging a mixture of insults about the fashion sense of Jedinstvo leader Ana Mecava-Catic and barely concealed attempts to flog her jewelry line. Viewers found her more entertaining and informative than the handful of beardy psephologists breaking down the proportional representation system of an obscure foreign nation.
Keilah also got a new shirt. But oh no, it got wet!
Up until the final episode, viewers were deadlocked on who the MVP was. Anna-Liisa, with her diabolical scheming (foiled at every turn by Hjörleifur’s lumpen stupidity) or Qiu Chun with her brutal witticisms about her fellow wives.
And then came the final episode, which broke all broadcasting records in Græntfjaller history. This was because of a promised guest appearance by Jason Þórhallursson, the biggest star in the country but one who’d wisely steered clear of the tawdry show until now. Viewers groaned with frustration when the episode turned out to be set at the house of the pleasant i.e. boring Karlína and Petter – but were soon delighted when a farce worthy of Benny Alfredsson** unfolded as Petter, still on crutches, chased his arch nemesis around his own bedroom while a sobbing Karlína (unveiled earlier that week as the face of the government’s faith-based education initiative) issued a firm denial of any impropriety while simultaneously flinging a pair of incriminating underpants out the window. Broadcast three days before the Cup Final, it added piquancy to what turned out to yet another ‘away victory’ for Gunzlach (who still claimed Þórhallursson as one of their own, and taunted Steinaux with crude chants throughout) at the Grander International Arena.

** Græntfjaller slapstick comic well known for his bawdy high-speed chases set to Yakkity Shred Guitar.

Græntfjall Cup

Having fairly well telegraphed who won the Cup, let’s take a look at the road to the Final.

Played at the Grander International Arena – the home arena of Steinaux – this was a humiliating affair, and not just because of certain off-field indiscretions hanging over proceedings. They were absolutely thrashed, the much vaunted Steinaux defense showing about as much dependability as Karlína Mummisdóttir’s wedding vows, as more than one wag noted post-match. The game came a week after the season ended, but there was no question the Sausages had aspirations to do the double, a hand they tipped when the electronic scoreboard malfunctioned and began showing a congratulatory message on doing just that – right as Momoko Wakabayashi slammed a penalty into the top corner to make the score 2 – 5. Delphi Barbarouses, Hanna Takáts and An Seung-Mi all scored two; interestingly, in Gunzlach’s three consecutive Cup wins, all their goals have been scored by foreign players, on this occasion all of them women.

Earlier, the big shock of the Round of 32 was Molding going out. They fielded a 2nd XI (at the time they were targeting the League) but it was still a stronger team than Haafberg. There were surprisingly deep runs for Maigburg, abject in the League, and Edlidolz, who were relegated from Division 1 the same week they made the semi-finals, but in the end KG officials had to be overjoyed that the restructured Cup had led to the number one national derby playing out for the fourth time (over the course of the season, Gunzlach won both Cup matches, Steinaux one League encounter, and the other finished a tense 2 – 2 draw after a late Jasmine Gardener goal for the Sausages).

The Cup remains an awkward affair, with little enthusiasm among the bigger clubs yet a structure that all but ensures they will dominate the final rounds. Gunzlach’s continued supremacy has taken some of the appeal out of it, but Steinaux showed their hand by so openly rooting for the ‘double’ this season, suggesting it will be a target for them – and trophy-hungry Molding – in the future, assuming KG’s ongoing tinkering doesn’t entirely wreck the competition.

Hjörleifur Reynarsson – Defensive Player of the Year

You can call it home bias or North Háttmark bias, and Molding fans certainly called it both as the season’s leading goal scorer, Alicia Gainsbourg, finished in runner-up place in the official MVP voting to Hjörleifur Reynarsson. (The subsequent online battle for the fan vote caused support between the two to deadlock, and the Gunners pushed Momoko Wakabayashi over the line ahead of either.) For Steinaux fans, it was justifiable given his heroic performances in the absence of Petter Erlingsson and Hrærekur Jvarsson, leading the injury-hit Steinaux to a title defense. We’ll look at the MVP race and Steinaux’s season later, but for now let’s focus on the other major award Reynarsson won, his second Defensive Player of the Year.

Often stereotyped as a “Big Fucking Græntfjaller”, Reynarsson has in fact shown considerably more skill, versatility, and ability to run a few yards without needing an emergency oxygen tank than the previous generation of Vilbjörn Hjörleifursson and Ralf Álfarsson. He’s become the first name on the team sheet for the national team, too, and at that at easily the most stacked position. In fact it’s been a banner year for Græntfjaller center backs; his old mate Vigfús Bensson has enjoyed the move to Flavovespia and was named in their Team of the Year, a similar honor following in South Newlandia for Reidar Rögnvaldursson, formerly a central midfield prospect with Gunzlach but successfully converted to a new role following his performances at the Di Bradini Cup, where his defensive knack was first noted. With Tom Ernestisson contesting for starting minutes in the Republikliga, and Mathias Kristersson, Stefan Jokulsson, and Frederik Thorleifsson all impressing in the GPL, it’s a position of such depth it perhaps explains Kang Guilin’s switch to a 3-at-the-back look.

Foreign center backs have certainly played a role in raising the level of the position in the GPL. This season Altendalur bade farewell to Audioslave Logan Osborn, who had been acquired as a veteran presence and gave stalwart service, but was becoming a very veteran presence as Koji Nishimoto broke into the side. Interestingly, for a nation mostly known for its attacking football, Quebec produced two welcome new additions, Luka Czernin of Estdal and An Seung-Mi of Gunzlach; Vrona Adamska, meanwhile, was absolutely superb at the heart of a surprisingly effective Fliserboding defense. The Locusts were relegated two years ago behind some absolutely awful defensive performances, and have certainly patched things up with the Squornshelan acquisition. Folte likewise found a worthy partner for Jokulsson in Orhan Mataras.

But it’s fair to say Reynarsson towered above them all. He scored five goals, all of them with his head (the resulting impact on his brain function was difficult to assess because he ate the traumatic brain injury test paper); he put his body on the line yet picked up just four bookings; and most impressively, he played all but six minutes of the season, an iron man streak even by the standards of Græntfjall’s short season. A club loyalist and devoted family man, there’s presumably little danger of his being tempted overseas by anything but a truly outstanding offer. He’s likely to retain the captaincy even on Erlingsson’s return as the striker seeks some understandable time away from the limelight. The only real question will be when the demands of international, domestic, and international club football all start catching up with him physically.

Olly Evans

Olly Evans missed out on the formal Gold Gloves award: though Korsbach kept more clean sheets than any other team (including Fliserboding, who conceded fewer goals but rarely managed a goose egg) two of those were at the hands of Yuezhou’s Wang Jielian; Hofvinger’s Farf keeper Patrik Thörnqvist won the technical award with 7 clean sheets all on his own; Thomas Quinnipag of Zwangzug took bronze, demonstrating the incredible paucity of native stock at the position. That said, Evans was clearly the keeper of the season, and was named starting goalkeeper in the formal Team of the Year and the fans’ team of the year, the latter a recognition of the fact that, while Græntfjallers normally vote for their own, current national goalkeeping prospects are so dire there was little choice but to go with the foreign option. Evans was highly impressive, not so much in terms of incredible saves, but more sensible management of his defensive line.

Having the best goalkeeper of the year was about all that Korsbach could boast about, and that more or less tells you how their season went. They threatened the top 5 only for a single week, and had what was generally considered the thinnest roster in the league. It wasn’t that Tao Beiliang, Noruose Nerauro, and Luke Olivera weren’t good players, but the reserves were near non-existent. Tao was not quite up to the standards of his breakout season, while the club swung and missed in the off-season at acquiring a genuine striker, leaving them to cope with Margaux Torkildsdóttir and Melina Nicosdóttir – both fine poachers, capable of a goal or two on their day when presented with the chance, but not attacking playmakers capable of developing those chances in the first place.

The team’s leading goal scorer was, unexpectedly, Air Latte of Charistan, with 11 goals (initial hopes of 34 + 35 assists sadly proved overblown, however). She kept switching positions, but, just like magic, proved a welcome sweetener for the struggling Sabres. Otherwise, though, the Sabres were a drab unit, except when playing their South Háttmark rivals, Molding. Those two games finished 4 – 4 and 4 – 5. About a quarter of the goals both for and against Korsbach over the course of the season were confined to just those two matches. Yet the Gold Shrews stubbornly refused to give the derby any great attention, seemingly embarrassed by their poor neighbors. Korsbach, lacking the munificence of a ~~multinational tax haven~~ generous international investor, seemed like very poor neighbors at times.

So going into the off-season, this will be the challenge for Korsbach. They can’t spend heavily and have few good players to off-load. Their needs remain the same as ever, a main target 9. At least they have a decent goalkeeper now, for when the opposition’s well paid strikers rain down shots on goal.

Promotion and Relegation

Little change in the ‘boomerang’ nature of the lower leagues. Hagejoki will be back next season, joined by GPL newbies Mokofen, which should add spice with another southern club in the mix. Edlidolz sank like a stone despite making the Cup semifinals, Tromskowitz and Diepoldsburg bounced back and forth again. Old GPL teams Kuodorf, Oost-Hartburg and Hintersfjörður are snapping at getting back into the big leagues but will have to wait another season. There’s been talk of reorganization to try to generate a more competitive lower league structure: the new GS SuperSports+ money might help, with more coverage of lower league games, but for now it remains a pretty slovenly affair. As before, KG declined to submit teams for the IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy, citing schedule congestion and the desires of newly promoted clubs to concentrate on avoiding relegation.

   Division 1            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Mokofen                30   17   5   8    53   31  +22    56
 2 Hagejoki               30   14  10   6    24   11  +13    52
 3 Kuodorf                30   14   6  10    42   48   −6    48
 4 Oost-Hartburg          30   13   8   9    29   34   −5    47
 5 Hintersfjörður         30   14   3  13    30   30    0    45
 6 Kyrkdorf               30   12   7  11    35   28   +7    43
 7 Kirchmegen             30   11   9  10    30   33   −3    42
 8 Þingsnitz              30   10  11   9    38   27  +11    41
 9 Reschensreppur         30   10  10  10    51   45   +6    40
10 Hinteram               30   10   9  11    18   23   −5    39
11 Gründorf               30   10   7  13    39   43   −4    37
12 Esna                   30    9   9  12    28   32   −4    36
13 Lengschach             30    9   7  14    25   27   −2    34
14 Kochhavn               30    9   7  14    43   58  −15    34
15 Edlidolz               30    8   9  13    18   21   −3    33
16 Tromskowitz            30    9   5  16    17   29  −12    32

   Division 2A           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Tuldam                 26   16   8   2    24    8  +16    56
 2 Paschvík               26   13   7   6    26   17   +9    46
 3 Schwakirchen           26   12   8   6    25   13  +12    44
 4 Notschach              26   12   7   7    40   26  +14    43
 5 Voleln                 26   13   3  10    21   12   +9    42
 6 Schudvík               26   10   9   7    33   23  +10    39
 7 Järvendorf             26    9   9   8    16   12   +4    36
 8 Gerstungtal            26    9   9   8    17   14   +3    36
 9 Ostholm                26   10   5  11    23   21   +2    35
10 Lohrreith              26    7  11   8    26   23   +3    32
11 Lehberg                26    7   7  12    22   31   −9    28
12 Vildkappel             26    6   7  13    17   38  −21    25
13 Harmersgrunn           26    5   6  15    16   36  −20    21
14 Haafberg               26    4   2  20    11   43  −32    14

   Division 2B           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Diepoldsburg           22   16   4   2    22    6  +16    52
 2 Putzendorf             22   12   5   5    20   11   +9    41
 3 Aigsvinger             22   12   4   6    23   14   +9    40
 4 Kangasdorf             22   10   7   5    31   19  +12    37
 5 Ilsburg                22    8   7   7    15   11   +4    31
 6 Goesberg               22    8   6   8    13   14   −1    30
 7 Væggerfried            22    8   3  11    23   27   −4    27
 8 Frederiksfahrn         22    6   8   8    17   17    0    26
 9 Gstockmäki             22    7   5  10    13   18   −5    26
10 Laitwinkl              22    7   3  12    17   25   −8    24
11 Nordmarksdorf          22    4   6  12    10   25  −15    18
12 Haderhavn              22    3   4  15     7   24  −17    13

Fair Play Table

Folte kept chugging along all season in search of a first taste of IFCF action. They were in the top five spots to the very end – when they had the ill fortune to play their final game against a Steinaux side who needed a win to ensure they retained the title. Once Helder Geurkink had scored, the Sausages closed up shop and the Striders received the grim news after the final whistle that Chiyo Murayami had scored a suitably dramatic late goal to give Hofvinger a win over Estdal, and thus, move up to 5th place.

Managed by a South Newlandian and routinely featuring four of them in the playing XI, the best such import remained Simon McCabe, who once again led the scoring with 15 goals. However, another Esportivan import also impressed, Jason Cefalo of Newmanistan breaking into the side. He scored just 4 goals, but had 12 assists, working as an effective strike partner to McCabe and Abishai Vestal. The defense was also pretty solid, led by ‘Folte Tower’ Stefan Jokulsson. The season wasn’t exactly a tragic disappointment for Folte, but they had clearly lost something in the form of midfield dynamo Johanna Álvgeirsdóttir; in her place, Andrew Collins wasn’t up to the same level. Varga Neury led the team with 13 assists but frustratingly had just a single goal. Compared with the top sides, Folte lacked that special bit of quality.

That said, they did, for a third season in a row, win the Fair Play Award. Marius Qiang has overseen a culture of fair play at Folte that’s far removed from the racism and controversy of some other clubs. Which is – lovely. But when it leads to his side toiling in mid-table oblivion, some fans are starting to wonder whether risking the odd sharp challenge or bit of gamesmanship would really be so bad. In the meantime, Folte will get a taste of international football, hopefully, if their application to the Vilitan Cove Invitational is accepted; and hope it went better than the first try, bounced out in the first round by Home United of Mapletish.

League-wide, Altendalur were as always the most ill-disciplined club (according to their fans, because referees are biased against Western teams). Tinni Ilíasarson amassed 12 yellow cards, better than one every second game, to help his club Lammedal lead the league in something (other than goals conceded, losses, and metric tons of ass sucked) as they racked up 53 yellows over a 22 game season. Yet neither team finished bottom of the Fair Play Table, a dishonor that instead fell to Maigburg, helped by a 100 point Fair Play Point deduction for their fans’s scurrilous behavior. Critics of KG’s lax enforcement said that unless actual points were docked, it wouldn’t be the last such chanting Græntfjaller stadiums heard.

Nathaniel Auvergne

When it came time for the team of the year awards, some predictable names featured: Hjörleifur Reynarsson in central defense, Wakabayashi and Gainsbourg splitting the selections at striker, and Emeli Vilbertsdóttir miles ahead of anyone else at left back (which, oddly, wasn’t enough to stop her being dropped from the NT squad for the Copa Rushmori). 8 or 9 names, you could have picked at the start of the season. But the official team of the year had a surprise in store at the key central midfield position, choosing, ahead of the likes of Delphi Barbarouses, Tyler Prentice, or Li Jing, the Hofvinger player Nathaniel Auvergne.

The Northern Wolves have been through some difficult years (by the high standards of their demanding, if not outright delusional, fanbase). Yes, they’ve been consistently mid-table, but they haven’t been able to challenge for IFCF since their inaugural attempt, and seen a ‘Big Four’ emerge that doesn’t include them. While there’s no question they’d like to break back into that Big Four, for now they’ll be happy enough to be part of the Big Five and make use of that extra IFCF berth that, for the moment, Græntfjall enjoys. They managed that thanks to their last day victory over Estdal, needing a last minute goal from defender Chiyo Murayami – but managing it nonetheless.

Much of the credit is owed to Auvergne. Amid a sea of BFGs and foreign imports favored for their breakaway speed the Savigliane midfielder may have seemed physically unexceptional. His personal stats, of 10 goals, were good, but nothing absolutely outstanding. But he was a canny operator, holding together a Hofvinger that was light on talent with a maturity beyond his years. His intelligent reading of the game and clinical passing formed an instrumental partnership with forwards Lyngar Rögnvaldursson and Dai Qiu and midfield partners Martyn Ceath and Hæming Tronsson.

At the risk of damning with faint praise, few would have expected him to emerge as one of the premier central midfield players in the league after a reasonably quiet first season. And admittedly, most of the native born CM prospects have shuffled off overseas, thinning the competition at the position. Still though, Auvergne was impressive, and Hofvinger fans were delighted to see him part of the squad for his national team (even if they were mad jelly that Savigliane qualified for the World Cup). Said qualification may mean rising stock for Savigliane players. Will Hofvinger be able to retain Auvergne’s services? Will they seek to capitalize on his probable increase in value and fix up the rest of their patchwork squad? Will they ever not think of themselves as champions-in-waiting? The answer to at least one of these we already know: will they bollocks.

Hróðólfur Leifsson

So much for that. A year after winning Manager of the Year, it was very much a case of what have you done for us lately. The answer, not much, led to Estdal being the first team to fire their manager (amazingly, before the appalling Lammedal, who let Ingi Marínósson rack up a couple more losses before giving him the boot). Over the course of the season, four teams would get rid of their managers in an increasing sign of change; in the days before IFCF football, managers could accumulate losing season after losing season and retain faith so long as they avoided relegation, but now with a limited number of international club football places up for grabs, pressure has ratcheted up. Rakel Alvinsdóttir of Korsbach was probably the most unfortunate victim of said pressure.

But it was Hróðólfur Leifsson’s dismissal that was the most embarrassing, as he proved he hadn’t really turned around the Ducks at all – just done enough to avoid relegation. And the same pattern recurred this season: Marsý Goðmundsdóttir was brought in, managed to eke out 10th place, and was duly hailed as the savior (though this time the voting panel had the sense not to prematurely crown her with any awards). But Estdal’s situation remains substantially similar to their struggles under Cayo Punta. Defensive infirmity – Julio Miranda dived around manfully in goal but sheer volume told, and Luca Czernin was a man alone in the center – coupled with a disappointing failure to get the most of their attacking talent. Losing Robin Harrysson didn’t help.

Despite this, Estdal have the core of a solid team with Czernin, Luis Terregrosa and Morgan Slavicka, and above all Rato Guðmannsson, who proved that BFGs can do a job on offense too and churned out 21 goals, good for the Silver Boot. But it wasn’t enough for them to be distinct also-rans, and that will make attracting talent harder. Skoðar Optik haven’t been willing to spend to the same extent as some other lead sponsors (to be fair, even the season ticket holders seem unwilling to spend money on this team). Estdal’s relative geographic isolation compared to the rest of the league also doesn’t help. But really, blaming geography after three consecutive seasons of mediocrity is taking things too far. The fundamental problem is the lack of roster depth. Until that’s solved, Estdal could relocate to north Háttmark and still struggle.

Tyler Prentice,

Darren Hunt and

Thorn Tristram

The GPL has benefited from foreign players, but the increasing exodus of every single Græntfjaller with a scrap of talent from every club other than Steinaux has created droughts increasingly filled by second rate or washed up foreign players. That, couched in considerably more diplomatic language, was the conclusion of the Jakobsson report, commissioned by KG to investigate the state and future prospects of the domestic game. The 400 page report, dense with financial statistical annexes and complex graphs, said what every terrace regular already knew to be true. The outcome was a resolution by KG to introduce caps on foreign players on a per-team and per-squad level, and to add financial incentives for young players, both domestic and foreign.

This was probably inevitable after a couple of rounds of transfer window splurging by chief executives who realized they could pick up foreign players off the free agent market or for free or low transfers without investing in youth development, which could in turn be outsourced to foreign clubs. When Alicia Gainsbourg or Li Jing are playing alongside Mathias Kristersson or Hjörleifur Reynarsson, it seems like a pretty good deal. When teams full of second-raters whose names can’t even be pronounced in their own countries are trooping out to play dismal affairs without a remote NT prospect in sight, it becomes less alluring. The exact structure of the limits is yet to be known, but it probably means there will be a slew of exits.

Altendalur will in particular be hit – or rather affected, because the change will probably be for the better. Three years ago they won the league with a good mix of talented homegrown youngsters and a few wise old heads brought in from overseas to provide leadership. By the end of this season, the white and black had started to merge into an omnipresent gray. Logan Osborn was the first casualty, but by the end of the season Thorn Tristram, Darren Hunt and Tyler Prentice had all lost their first team places as well. All were warmly applauded off after the final game, and all will be fondly remembered – not just by Chessmen for their role in the title campaign, but by the wider spectrum of football fans for being the first to make the jump to the GPL and risk their careers on the fledgling league. But the wheel of time grinds on and they’re likely to be the first casualties of cuts to meet foreign player limits.

GT Molding

Calling them El Diablo may be a bit much, but we sense our friends in Tequilo might be willing to have more of a sense of humor about this sort of thing than some. For some, it was the symbol of the intrusion of Tequiloan football into Græntfjaller sports, which couldn’t be less of a jarring mis-fit of the two cultures; for others, it was simply a desecration of the name of one of the oldest multi sports clubs in the country. From next season, Molding will compete as ‘GT Molding’. The Gold Shrews will never quite be the same again.

Of course, money and football are hardly new. And some, especially on the left, asked why Molding was getting so much attention when the owners of the two leading clubs were hardly saintly figures themselves. Überolía’s jacket encompasses everything from climate change denial and corruption to infiltrating foreign governments and third world coups, while Qardinal received the largest fine in the history of Græntfjaller consumer rights law for a data privacy violation details of which are curiously hard to uncover, mainly because the web giant de-indexed all material relating to it from their search engine.

The arrival on the scene of the new behemoth GS SuperSports+ is only going to compound this issue. Hockey, handball and water polo fans are concerned the money pouring into football will drown out the traditionally varied tastes of multi sports clubs; witness Altendalur, openly eschewing the MSK model to pursue football above all else, and the success they’ve had. (Their owners, Florus, are hardly above reproach either, ruthlessly lobbying against a bill to provide discounted prescription medicines to the vulnerable.)

How KG manages the collision of financial interests with those of the people’s game that endured for decades under communism is probably going to dictate whether the opening of GPL to foreign markets remains a viable prospect. A coalition of leftist activists and common Sabres fans came together to force Korsbach not to sell a controlling interest to arms manufacturers Peace Solutions Incorporated – but that has left Korsbach struggling in a different arms race, one for quality foreign players, as they lack the (blood) money of other clubs, most notably their direct rivals, Molding, whose fans have very quickly made their peace with the selling of the club.

Hrærekur Jvarsson

It had looked pretty innocuous: Zwangzugian striker Hans “Not That One” Larsson*** was chasing for the ball, and slipped on the wet pitch, dragging down Jvarsson him. The thud as the BFG hit the ground was lost in the roar of the Florus Stadion; a few minutes later, as he was stretchered off, the place was silent. Freak injuries hit Steinaux harder than any other team this season, beginning before the season even began, with Petter Erlingsson crumpling in agony during the pre-season New Super Cup. But Jvarsson’s absence was arguably even bigger. While Erlingsson has always refused international selection out of a desire to spend more time with his family (yeah, about that…) Jvarsson served as de facto national captain following in from Ralf Álfarsson, and then was formally installed into the role.

The most capped player in Snow Wolves history had to miss the Copa Rushmori and a chance to make up for the previous instalment’s disappoint. More than that, he had to sit out (or lie out, actually, as it was his back that was injured) most of the domestic season, missing out on Steinaux’s championship run. His injury shouldn’t prove career ending – look at how Eiríka Jonathansdóttir, once told she would never walk again, has bounced back to win NT honors – but he’s the wrong side of 30 to be suffering such difficulties.

Those two injuries grabbed most of the headlines, but there were others. The former Baptism of Fire winner and Altendalur club captain Andrin Franklínsson’s career appears to be over after wrecking his knee in a foul (although as he was the one committing said foul, there was muted sympathy). Another Baptism of Fire squad member, Gabríel Svennsson, lost most of the season after breaking his collarbone kayaking. (Incidentally, a “don’t go fucking kayaking in rainy season” clause has been swiftly added to most player contracts.) Toddi Hróðvarsson’s season for Lammedal was lost to hamstring injury (not his hamstring, his driver, who suffered a twinge and crashed his car, giving the striker whiplash). Gunzlach reserve keeper Frederikke Guttisdóttir suffered the most amusing injury of the season, falling down the stairs of the Grander International Arena and breaking her arm. OK, I know it doesn’t sound funny, but it you just had to be there, as the 50,000 Steinaux fans laughing at her discomfort were.

Overall, injuries were up across the league. A packed schedule, congested to fit around the ever increasing international demands? Club football and travel halfway around the multiverse midway through a cold rain-soaked season? Just random luck? Everyone else had their diagnosis, but there’s certainly no desire to cut down on the football, so it may just be that some teams have to invest more in fitness and conditioning.

*** Hans Larsson is an incredibly common Græntfjaller name, so the player from Zwangzug has earned an unusual nickname.

Pedro Roâ – Young Player of the Year

While Altendalur’s roster as a whole was ageing, Pedro Roâ was just turning 21 as he carved up defenses and became the first foreigner to win a major GPL award. At times the laconic Tequiloan striker’s attitude irritated his coach, teammates, fans, opponents, opposing fans, journalists, distant badgers. He slacked off in a couple of crunch games and didn’t seem to like travelling, struggling to make an impact of IFCF games. But he still churned out goals at a prodigious rate, netting as many as he is years old. Or, less poetically, 21 in 21 games (he missed one through suspension after a red card – laid back he may be, but he still plays for Altendalur, so the odd brutal foul is to be expected).

His teammate, Vanorian midfielder Eva Pistor, and Quebecois defender An Seung-Mi of Gunzlach were the other contenders. It meant all three hailed from foreign shores, striking a pretty dire note about the state of youth development in Græntfjall. Having never had a formally organized youth league, therefore, KG decided that from next season it would begin procedures to develop one, with a view to doing one better on the second place finish in the Di Bradini Cup – by a team, many noted, whose roster predominantly plied their trade overseas.

Youth development has been a tricky needle to thread. Græntfjall has little tradition of college sports outside upper-class pursuits such as fencing and rowing. The lack of a dedicated youth level has led to teenagers and 20somethings moldering on benches or being thrust in at the deep end. Some, such as national team stars Jason and Amanda, have risen to such opportunities and flourished. Others have disappeared under the pressure and had nothing left to fall back on after being cast of a game that has no further use for them. It is to be hoped that a combination of the youth league and added financial incentives will change this around. Otherwise, the current generation of Snow Wolves will have no one coming through the ranks to replace them.

Present day in Radewah, suburb of Abqaturah…

This is actually a serious OOC note. It is my plan over the next ~two seasons’ worth of time to RP an election and some kind of war/foreign military intervention, involving my puppet, Jabal Akhdar. I absolutely respect and understand that this is not the sort of thing everyone wants to read about, but I want to give it a try. So if it’s definitely not anything you want anything to do with, then I have no problems with you wanting to steer clear. At the same times a reassurance: the MLS and EPL rumbled on quite happily during the Iraq War, and I certainly won’t be doing any stories that involve war, terrorism, or any dark scariness intruding on the domestic league in any tangible way. It’s just a background storyline that will be going on for a while, so it’s only fair give anyone invested in my world building (all ones of you…) notice of that.

by **Graintfjall** » Sat Mar 27, 2021 3:47 pm

Hjörleifur Reynarsson – MVP

Alicia Gainsbourg had a hell of a season, as did Delphi Barbarouses. But Hjörleifur Reynarsson had a hell-er of a season. From the depths of watching his captain go down to injured, to the heights of lifting the league trophy for the second time, in between 22 games of near flawless football from the big man. His incredible fitness despite his prodigious size allowed him to be used as a target at corners then track back to snuff out any counter-attacks; his improved on-ball skills had him playing as, if not quite a needle-threading playmaker, at least a good second option to play through; and he led his team from the very front.

Steinaux cut things closer than they would have liked: one day, club captain Petter Erlingsson reflected, it would be nice to win by enough of a margin to actually enjoy the last day. But in hindsight they were clearly the best team in the league. Of course being funded by an oil giant who would probably have sent mercenary forces to hunt them down like dogs had they not win helped, both in terms of resources and motivation, and of course they were disappointed not to make more progress in the IFCF and to lose the Cup to Them. But from where they started, with the prospect of a season being completely ruined, they recovered with considerable character and depth.

Where they go from here will depend on Svenn Kristjánsson’s long term vision. They could probably afford to swing for someone more high profile than Li Jing, though moving on would be harsh on the Yuezhuese talent who’s given so much over the last couple of seasons. Marietta Briggs and Jamie Burke traded chances in goal, neither entirely convincing. Their wing players are the wrong side of 25. But, the level of the GPL is such that their ambitions may once again overreach come transfer time.

Græntfjall, meanwhile, continues to benefit at the national level from Reynarsson’s service. But having played every minute of the World Cup campaign, and near enough every minute of the domestic season, the question must be when he can be given some rest in order to recover for the next round. Already, a shake-up for the Eagle’s Cup squad is being mooted.

Final Table

   Premier League        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Steinaux               22   13   5   4    56   33  +23    44
 2 Gunzlach               22   11   7   4    49   34  +15    40
 3 Altendalur             22   12   4   6    39   27  +12    40
 4 Molding                22   10   8   4    50   38  +12    38
 5 Hofvinger              22   10   2  10    35   41   −6    32
 6 Folte                  22    6  11   5    33   31   +2    29
 7 Fliserboding           22    6   9   7    22   23   −1    27
 8 Korsbach               22    6   8   8    29   30   −1    26
 9 Maigburg               22    7   5  10    36   41   −5    26
10 Estdal                 22    6   6  10    38   48  −10    24
11 Mühlrich               22    5   6  11    34   47  −13    21
12 Lammedal               22    3   3  16    27   55  −28    12

On a final administrative note, this concludes my use of this thread. Next season’s GPL and all future domestic football and other sports involving Græntfjall and my other nations will be posted to the GS SuperSports+ thread. Bye! See you next season for exciting new adventures in overambition and underdelivery!

Græntfjall Domestic Sports Thread

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