World Bowl XXXIX ~ Everything Thread

[Saint Kanye]

TAES SEND YEEZIES TUMBLING, 30-9

by Castiel Mugabe

KARDASHIA - As a young team, only in its second season of international gridiron competition, things aren't expected to be easy for the St. Kanye Surge. The recent World Bowl XXXIX match at home, against the Taeshan Fitin' Falcons, was no exception. The Yeezies suffer their second straight blowout, being beaten by the more experienced, higher ranked Tae side 30-9, at the Pencurve Electronics Field here.

"It can't be said that we didn't lose hope, despite them [Taes] being higher in rank [seventh] than us [thirty-third]", said Surge head coach Jeff Delphine. "We still fought valiantly, but of course, those Falcons ain't gonna go soft on us. We'll still fight hard when we meet again later in the group stages, since we believe that anything can happen."

The Fitin' Falcons buried the home team early, making the score 20-nil at halftime. During the first half, the Surge had three good chances to score within their thirty-yard line, but these ended in an interception, a fumble, and then another interception. This led to starting quarterback Landon Klein being benched in the second half in favor of R.J. Linetti. He didn't fare any better, though; while Linetti made some big gains with his legs (being a scrambler, in contrast to Klein's cannon arm), the St. Kanye offense still couldn't find the end zone, only having to settle for three James Rasputin field goals to score.

The two losses coming after two wins pulled St. Kanye down the Group B standings further at fourth, below the identical 3-1 records of the Jeckland Spuds, the Xanneria Maroons, and their recent conquerors. Next up for the Surge, though, is the 0-4 team from Silver Beach, who lost 37-nil to the Maroons. "Silver Beach keep losing big, but underestimating them would be foolish. We won't look down to any opponent, whether higher or lower in rank, or unranked", said Yeezie special teams coordinator Ken Kirby. Meanwhile, the Taes host the Spuds, 20-14 overtime winners over Lisander (1-2), next.

---

Scoring Information:

TAE - field goal Stephens 42 TAE 3-0
TAE - Smallwood 13 pass from Forrest (Stephens kick) TAE 10-0

TAE - Huyett 22 run (Stephens kick) TAE 17-0
TAE - field goal Stephens 35 TAE 20-0

TAE - field goal Stephens 30 TAE 23-0
STK - field goal Rasputin 37 TAE 23-3
STK - field goal Rasputin 46 TAE 23-6

STK - field goal Rasputin 28 TAE 23-9
TAE - Lantern 26 pass from Forrest (Stephens kick) TAE 30-9

Schedule:

Matchday 1: W 24-12 @ Jeckland (UR*)
Matchday 2: W 20-15 vs. Lisander (30)
Matchday 3: L 7-34 @ Xanneria (14)
Matchday 4: L 9-30 vs. Taeshan (7)
Matchday 5: White/White @ Silver Beach (UR)
BREAK
Matchday 6: Purple/Purple vs. Jeckland (UR)
Matchday 7: White/White @ Lisander (30)
Matchday 8: Purple/Black vs. Xanneria (14)
Matchday 9: White/Purple @ Taeshan (7)
Matchday 10: Purple/Purple vs. Silver Beach (UR)

*Unranked.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Childhood, Traces
PART 3 - Fake Empire

‘Alright, so it seems like we’re heading to a bit more intimate and I guess, historical, of origins. Asher, how are you feeling about it?’

‘Well, it’s the same ole. People ask about that all the time, but you know, you get used to it. Have you ever travelled abroad and people ask this, that and whatnot because you happen to know someone or probably had an ancestor somewhere around there?’

‘Sure. I’ve had that once or twice. For all the different reasons though, and I’m sure you know well about the troubles my dad gets into every other week.’

‘But all’s good though right? No troubles and shit?’

‘Well, it doesn’t change from the fact that you’re a homie, and my homie as well.’

‘Indeed not.’

‘So do you really want me to address all this on a fairly long record right now.’

‘Sure, if you can. Of course, take breaks here and there as you need it.’

‘Alright.’

---

So, the thing about Quebecois peerage is that more often than not, they do involve either or both of those native to the land, or mysterious arrivals who had arrived in the country in the nation’s first three centuries. So, it is only fitting that the Lundrigan crest, blue and white in a cross pattern, is centred by a solitary mast, to indicate just one of few hundred origin stories (some families do claim multiple, so the numbers aren’t as large as you’d think).

According to my late grandfather Robert Alexander Lundrigan, a certain 8th Baron of Bron-Yr-Aur known for his businesses and indulgences, the certain founder of our family was a man named Michael Lundrigan, a certain Welshman who came to what was then known under the full name Royal Kingdom of Quebec and Shingoryeo. How he had ended up in the Mainland Quebec in the 1510s, when most of English fishing and colonising fleets had only begun arriving in Acadie, Newfoundland and Sealtainn Eireann in 1540s, remains a mystery. It is something that neither myself nor my own cousins were able to hold much information about, though by the 1600s government documents safely stored at Bibliotheque Nationale du Quebec indicates that 3 of 5 Lundrigan children, named Michael, Connor and Thomas of Bron-y-Aur, Anticosti Island, had ended up in the Royal Quebecois Navy.

For about two to three centuries, the Lundrigans were naval officers and public servants who either served in the military or stayed home in their plot. There are some examples here and there, though I’m going to keep to three for here- my great-great-grandmother, Lady Edith Hextall Lundrigan (1881-1967), the Baroness Bron-y-Aur, was the first woman to be elected to the Parliament in 1917 elections. The achievement, something that we partly remember in textbooks and also on social media feeds as ‘Quebec Remembers’ short programs we recall watching when little. She, who married Lord John, the 8th Baron, became a widow at an early age when Lord John passed from typhus four years earlier. This unfortunate set of circumstances, ironically enough, caused the provincial reserved scholar and the legendary politician’s only child to become a baro at age 10. The certain son, Simeon John Lundrigan (1907-1988), was known to history students as one of the air force heroes during the Westlands front of the Southern Rushmori War and, in his old age, the Labour Party Lord that his father had strayed from, almost as if the fate were to bring the family back to the chain of service and servitude. He lived a boring life and married a Petrogradian emigre with certain ‘francais elegant’, whom he had acquainted during the War, and after the war, had lived a quiet four decades in peace.

Still, the finest was probably someone I still recall somewhat well. My late grandfather, Alexander Lundrigan, was probably best remembered for being one of the admirals from the certain Felix Liberation War of 2008-2010 against the Nazis. He was a man with not-so-exemplary abilities, though his ability to consolidate the forces and the personnel, proved to become particularly crucial as he climbed up the ladders. ‘Well he wasn’t the most competent,’ said Dr. Everett Sanipass, a renowned historian who I was privileged to listen to his lecture many months ago, ‘But he was still a key part in bringing together the Felixian rebels, who needed training and discipline, with their Quebecois instructors and comrades. In a situation where international military presence complicates the narrative, he did his best to bring together the solidarity.’ The certain sociable nature of his as a classical, Quebecois gentleman, I recall, a sense of the times and ‘the class’ we take for granted, but really need to appreciate.

With things in life, a lot of the times we have to think about when is the right time to walk away from it all, and that’s usually the hardest part. Upon retirement, the Parti Quebecois (Centrists by political scale in general, non-American, terms, but due to complicated political situations here, they are probably the furthest right you can get for a major party) leader and Prime Minister Isabelle Perreault offered him to return for to his hereditary House of Lords seat or receive the Knight honour of the Royal Moogoonghwa Order. Frankly, the RMO was slightly over-issued, especially for officers, for this war, but grandpapa was frankly happy to take it (‘everybody knew he was giving up the Lords seat for his children’s political ambition,’ notes certain auntie Jennifer).

After that, he spent his time back in his childhood home on the Island, playing cricket and working on making sure there would be enough humanly scent and the warmth found in the house. Unfortunately, I, having spent the first six of ten years of my life on the other side of the PORTAL, do not recall much of him. There were some fun stories here and there at times, but those, dear reader, I’ll leave it for future when I’ll be able to at least come back to something.

By the time I had come back, he was in his last months of his life after years of . As father’s election campaign was underway and he would eventually find himself in the Parliament, it was mostly my maman who flew back and forth between Kingston and Anticosti Island, and would bring to her father-in-law naval and childhood objects to fill up the Naval career. Then the next thing, around the eleventh year of my life, was my family all flying to the Island- on March 11, 2031, he peacefully went back to the homesoil of the place he had long desired to come back during his time away.

Passing at age eighty, Lord Alexander left three sons and two daughters. The eldest was Anthony, who inherited the Lundrigan barony as he had been waiting for two decades prior; he married a baroness’ third daughter, a Catholic he met while studying at Universite du Saguenay. Next came uncle Brock, longtime fencing coach, who I will be talking about in a few minutes and of course, the youngest, my father. The aunties were Jennifer, who married certain Hans Sorensen in Nyhavn, Norrehavn; and Rachael, who resides on the other side of the Island. Among them many stories were shared and told, but probably the best one to talk about will be that of my second uncle, Brock Andreas.

[Delaclava]

When these games conclude, we'll have hit the halfway point! There's an off day tomorrow, but there will also be an exciting release of IC information, so get ready to plan your travels to Delaclava! And make sure you'll be heading there as participants, not as spectators. Take a breath tomorrow, get geared up with renewed energy, and when it comes to RP, make sure you find the right angle.

Gameday 5 cutoff!

---

Group A
Transmondian Commonwealth of New England 29–6 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Drunk People at the Local Tavern 3–3 Equestria (12–6 OT)
Drawkland 27–16 Delaclava

  Group A                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland                                      5    5   0   118   35  +83
2 Transmondian Commonwealth of New England       5    3   2    95   74  +21
3 Delaclava                                      5    3   2   115   81  +34
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                        5    2   3    61   88  −27
5 Drunk People at the Local Tavern               5    1   4    41  114  −73
6 Equestria                                      5    1   4    43   81  −38

Group B
Silver Beach 0–20 Saint Kanye
Lisander 3–10 Xanneria
Taeshan 20–3 Jeckland

  Group B                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Xanneria                                       5    4   1   118   35  +83
2 Taeshan                                        5    4   1    81   36  +45
3 Saint Kanye                                    5    3   2    80   91  −11
4 Jeckland                                       5    3   2   113   74  +39
5 Lisander                                       5    1   4    64   74  −10
6 Silver Beach                                   5    0   5    10  156 −146

Group C
Squidroidia 20–23 Velstrania
Martune 13–40 Krytenia
Geektopia 17–22 Main Nation Ministry

  Group C                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry                           5    5   0   145   75  +70
2 Geektopia                                      5    4   1   104   45  +59
3 Velstrania                                     5    3   2    89   85   +4
4 Krytenia                                       5    1   4    82  107  −25
5 Squidroidia                                    5    1   4    60   89  −29
6 Martune                                        5    1   4    46  125  −79

Group D
Ko-oren 15–3 Nagore
The Sarian 7–20 TJUN-ia
Cassadaigua 36–10 The Jovannic

  Group D                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Ko-oren                                        5    4   1    98   23  +75
2 Cassadaigua                                    5    4   1    99   56  +43
3 TJUN-ia                                        5    4   1   105   41  +64
4 The Sarian                                     5    2   3    64   96  −32
5 The Jovannic                                   5    1   4    62  116  −54
6 Nagore                                         5    0   5    43  139  −96

Group E
Alba and Cymru 10–22 Banija
Vangaziland 6–13 Terre Septentrionale
Western Fardelshufflestein 24–19 HUElavia

  Group E                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale                           5    4   1    98   54  +44
2 Vangaziland                                    5    4   1   114   46  +68
3 Banija                                         5    3   2   126   88  +38
4 Western Fardelshufflestein                     5    2   3    67  123  −56
5 HUElavia                                       5    2   3    93   77  +16
6 Alba and Cymru                                 5    0   5    36  146 −110

Group F
Inner AginanaUsordia 3–10 Newmanistan
Bongo Johnson 34–3 Damukuni
Ranoria 33–10 Lovisa

  Group F                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Ranoria                                        5    5   0   143   40 +103
2 Newmanistan                                    5    4   1   108   44  +64
3 Inner AginanaUsordia                           5    3   2   113   76  +37
4 Lovisa                                         5    2   3    79  137  −58
5 Bongo Johnson                                  5    1   4    51  105  −54
6 Damukuni                                       5    0   5    61  153  −92

Group G
Kohnhead 31–10 Sarzonia
Free Republics 37–13 Northwest Kalactin
The Greater Nordics 17–6 Torisakia

  Group G                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics                                 5    5   0   166   36 +130
2 The Greater Nordics                            5    3   2    72   65   +7
3 Torisakia                                      5    3   2   121  114   +7
4 Northwest Kalactin                             5    2   3    81  123  −42
5 Kohnhead                                       5    1   4    70   83  −13
6 Sarzonia                                       5    1   4    56  145  −89

Group H
South Covello 31–7 United Civil Republic
Karditan 10–0 Mathuvan Union
Abanhfleft 0–29 Allamunnic States

  Group H                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Allamunnic States                              5    4   1   130    6 +124
2 Abanhfleft                                     5    4   1    45   32  +13
3 South Covello                                  5    4   1    74   50  +24
4 Karditan                                       5    2   3    55   50   +5
5 Mathuvan Union                                 5    1   4    36   74  −38
6 United Civil Republic                          5    0   5    14  142 −128

[Squidroidia]

Previous Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

Road to the World Bowl

The Squidroidian Flyers

---

Episode 6 - Halfway There

The halfway point in any competition signals a change in how the team works heading into the 2nd half of the season. For Squidroidia's World Bowl team, they need this now more than ever. In a group containing giants like the Main Nation Ministry and minnows like Martune, they have only won 1 game as an unranked side, against lowly Krytenia who sit just above them in Group C. For Squidroidia to even get a chance at the Playoffs, they'd have to win all 5 of their remaining games and hope that Geektopia, MNM, Velstrania and Krytenia all drop games other than those against the Flyers.

Speaking of Velstrania, the final game of the first half of the group was, of course, a home loss. A rough, tough game that ended in Velstrania kicking a field goal in the dying seconds to win the game, Squidroidians from Inkopolis to the villages have seemed to doubt this style of football. As most people are watching the World Cup underway in Farf and Mriin and even watching Squidroidia's army lacrosse team whip a top 15 nation into submission to go top of their group in the world championships, people didn't seem to care about gridiron anymore. Squidroidia isn't a good team, and Colonel Tanyu knew this. His team can't afford to lose another game of gridiron. So after the loss against the #22 ranked team in gridiron, he set up a meeting of the Flyers.

"Guys, I know that this first half has been particularly rough on you all, but at least you got yourselves a win. That's all I cared about, a win." At first he was happy for Squidroidia after their win over Krytenia. That game at least put some hope on this team to make the journey to Delaclava for the Playoffs. But as he looked at the players, they knew what he was going to say next.

"But you guys need to win more. My dream for this team was to make the knockouts. Now? We don't control our own destiny! At the very best we can go 6-4 and that does not guarantee us to make the playoffs! I don't want you all to worry about point difference so I'll tell you this... When was the last time you lost in a major competition? For me, it was the Squidroidia Bowl, but as you may all know, THIS ISN'T THE SQUIDROIDIA BOWL! THIS IS THE WORLD BOWL AND I HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND!"

The players were mad silent. They knew they were embarrassing their families... Especially Hideyoshi's, watching the QB sling a ball from the heavens.

"Boss... I know mom and dad are up there, watching me as I play football for my country, but I really think that they aren't seeing me at my best... Sure there was Krytenia, but every other game I wasn't the best on the field. I know I'm doing something wrong..."

"Sir, it isn't about the game... It's about loving your parents first and foremost. I know they love you throwing the ball. I think they should see you throw it more. But honestly, they don't care about losses. They care about you having fun. Understand buddy?"

"Understand." Hideyoshi would sit back down as the team was dismissed, heading back to the army base to rest for the 2nd half of their World Bowl journey.

---

Squidroidia 20-23 Velstrania (Greater Vakolicci Haven)

Box Score

Regulation
7-0 Squidroidia TD (Soseki), extra point good
7-7 Velstrania TD, extra point good
14-7 Squidroidia TD (Hanshiro), extra point good
14-10 Velstrania FG
14-17 Velstrania TD, extra point good
20-17 Squidroidia TD (Tomoyuki), extra point no good
20-20 Velstrania FG
20-23 Velstrania FG

The Schedule
All home games are at Inkopolis City Stadium

Matchday 1 - Vs. Martune L, 3-9 OT
-
Matchday 2 - @ Geektopia L, 13-26
-
Matchday 3 - Vs. Main Nation Ministry L, 0-19
-
Matchday 4 - @ Krytenia  W, 24-12
-
Matchday 5 - Vs. Velstrania L, 20-23
-
Matchday 6 - @ Martune
-
Matchday 7 - Vs. Geektopia
-
Matchday 8 - @ Main Nation Ministry
-
Matchday 9 - Vs. Krytenia
-
Matchday 10 - @ Velstrania

[Banija]

Serpent Eagles breathe life back into World Bowl XXXIX by winning three games in a row


Banijan defenders pose after Banijan victory on Matchday 5

BUSUKUMA, NATIONAL CAPITOL REGION- The World Bowl XXXIX campaign got off to a disastrous start for the Banijans. It was a tough group- HUElavia, Terre Septentrionale, and Vangaziland being the other ranked sides, you knew that this team would be in for a fight. Fortunate to be in Pot 2, and having finished the last World Bowl with a losing record of 2-3, there were not many high hopes for the fifth and final World Bowl of Head Coach Alastair Jobs. And considering the rough start to this World Bowl, there were legitimate fears that this could also be disastrous.

It started out poorly. Matchday 1 saw the Banijans pay a visit to a tough HUElavia side. A team that, clearly, can sneak up on anyone and beat them. The two teams could not be separated after 60 minutes- each team had scored two touchdowns, two extra points, and a pair of field goals. Or, in simpler terms, were tied at 20 points a piece. And so they went to overtime, with college overtime rules. What happened? On the first possession of overtime, HUElavia was able to score quickly. Diogo Fernandes from 16 yards out, on a third and one, to make it 27-20. And on the ensuing possession, we got all the way to the goal line. But the HUElavians stood up- Nose Tackle Eduardo Santos blew through the line of scrimmage, blew up the play, and pulled off the upset for HUElavia.

It put Banija behind the 8 ball in the group. Sound like World Bowl XXXVIII, huh? And then we played the Pot 1 team, ninth ranked Vangaziland. That game went poorly also. We couldn't finish drives, having four field goal attempts in the red zone, and only making three of them, as we scored 16 points. Vangaziland scored 21, of course, and three touchdowns outdid us in Busukuma and set us back to 0-2. It put us in a tough position. 0-2 to start the groups. Only the top two go to the knockout stages- the bar is extremely high. Many thought infighting at that point could get the team, with frustrating World Bowl after frustrating World Bowl.

But credit to Alastair Jobs for pulling the group together. He told reporters that his team had a choice to make after that second loss. "Put up or shut up." He said. "This is football- you're as good as your record says you are. And our record says we're pretty garbage right now. Do we not believe that? Do we legitimately believe that we're barely a top 20 nation in the multiverse in gridiron, or do we think that we're much better than that? If we truly believe that we're better than that, then we need to get up and start playing like it."

A public challenge to his players. Would this World Bowl also be disastrous, sink Banija's rank, and be a full reckoning on the state of the national team? We know the talent to do better is there- both the Champions Bowl and NSCF trophies are presently in Istria, held by the Istria Black Mambas and the University of Loyola-Istria, respectively. They had a must-win on Matchday 3, in Terre Septentrionale. If they lost, it'd all be over before it began. But Isaka Jawara pulled his boys together. In an all-important game, he torched the Nordiques defenders, throwing four touchdown passes in the 35-20 road win.

That was the spark that brought the team back. A 33-10 win on Matchday 4, and a 22-10 win on Matchday 5, now means the Banijans, who were down and out, are all of a sudden back in business. The group's top two sides are Terre Septentrionale, at 4-1, and Vangaziland, at 4-1. We are right behind them, chomping at the bit, sitting with a 3-2 record. Isaka Jawara said that this momentum showed this team was capable of much, much more. "Look, we see our rivals, like Ranoria, flying through the group stages. WE have the talent. We've just got to put it together. And we've got a lot more games to win."

We may be behind in the ranks for now, but never underestimate confidence and momentum. Coming out of the break, we'll have HUElavia. That'll be a must win. If we lose, we'll fall to 3-3 with four games left, and HUElavia would also have the tiebreaker over our team, thanks to a pair of head to head wins. We won't look beyond that. The key? Beat HUElavia at home. Take it a game at a time. That's all we can be worried about- getting to 4-2. We'll deal with Week 7 once we get there.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale beats Vangaziland

Vangaziland - Hi y'all! my name is Émilie-Rose Bourbeau, I'm 11 years old and I'm the editor's little niece. Because football writer Jacques Lacouture is gone on vacations in the Busoga Islands, my uncle asked me to write an article about the game against Vangaziland. I'm really good at writing, I have A grades at school. So here we go. I had to travel with mommy to Vangaziland at the last minute and we arrived at the stadium 30 minutes before the kickoff. Well, sitting in the press box taking notes is kinda intimidating. It's not the first time I've been in a press box, as I accompanied my uncle a couple of time, but it was my first time as a journalist. This sounds weird being called a journalist, I wonder what my fiends at school will think of it.

Terre Septentrionale made two field goals, one in the 1st half and one early in the 3rd quarter on their first drive. Then with 9 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter when the score was 6-6, the Nordiques had the ball on a 3rd and 8 at the 32 yards line in Vangaziland territory. It was really odd how Terre Septentrionale players were placed on the field. Montavious McBryde, who is the running back, was behind the snapper like he was the quarterback but he's the running back. Then, Tyquavious Wilderbralthwait was on the field but he's the 4th string quarterback and he was lining as a wide receiver. Mommy said it was a wildcat formation and Tyquavious Wilderbralthwait only plays in that specific formation. So, Karter Szczyrbak snapped the ball to the running back Montavious McBryde and he give the ball to the other running back, Keyonte Roberts-Whitaker. Roberts-Whitaker was running to the side and he pitched the ball to quarterback Tyquavious Wilderbralthwait who was running towards him. Wilderbralthwait threw the ball to a wide open Nick Donald-McIntyre at the 9 yards line who ran to the endzone for a touchdown. It was really weird, mommy said it's a trick play! The extra point was good and the score was 13-6 and this is the final score, Terre Septentrionale beat Vangaziland!

TERRE SEPTENTRIONALE ONLY BOXSCORE

1ST QUARTER
8:28 - Field Goal by Nick DeLuca (25 yards).

2ND QUARTER
No score

3RD QUARTER
11:13 - Field Goal by Nick DeLuca (41 yards).

4TH QUARTER
9:18 - Touchdown by Nick Donald-McIntyre (32 yards pass from Tyquavious Wilderbralthwait). Extra point by Nick DeLuca.

1st place

Terre Septentrionale is now in 1st place tied with Vangaziland but we beat them so we're ahead of them. Next week is a bye so players will rest and on week 6, the Reprezentacja Nordycki will travel to Western Fardelshufflestein. I hope if Jacques Lacouture isn't coming back, my uncle will find someone else to write match reports because travelling on the weekends and going to school on weekdays is exausting. Now we're still in Vangaziland and our flight is scheduled for tonight and I need to do my math homeworks in the plane and also take some sleep because I have school on monday. I hope y'all enjoyed this article it was my first article ever!

Émilie-Rose Bourbeau,
11 years old,
La tribune Septentrionale

[Sarzonia]

Joe Locklear was sitting in a bar on the outskirts of Woodstock instead of being on the pitch with the Sarzonian national gridball team.

He wasn't even willing to give new coach Les Steckhall a chance to prove his mettle. The man had only been an offensive coordinator for one full season and was only just beginning to install more of his game plan during the run up to training camp when he was suddenly named the head coach of the Stars.

He'd gone to bat for Tim Gates and was rewarded with a record of 0-3. The offence scored just three points in the previous two matches. Granted, one of the matches was against Free Republics, for as much vitriol as the Sarzonians justifiably felt toward a country this close to electing some who openly and brazenly called for an invasion of Sarzonia and a regime change, they were still the No. 1 ranked team in the multiverse and the defending champions.

The other team, however was ranked 55th, a ranking that shouldn't have been so insurmountable for a team that was returning to international gridball after a lengthy absence.

Locklear would have been willing to work with Steckhall as a new offensive coordinator. He would have been curious to see how he could mesh with the style behind Portland's running game, but when Gates resigned, he felt he'd lost his biggest ally. And for a guy who had never been a head coach at any level?

He watched the game between the Stars and Kohnhead quickly devolve from a 10-10 first quarter draw after quarterback Sam Rosen completed a 36-yard scoring strike to Matt Largent on third and 10 as Rosen threw a costly interception late in the third quarter with Sarzonia only down 17-10. Percy Whitehead read Rosen's eyes and saw him looking at Steve Swain the entire way.

Why didn't you look him off? Locklear thought as he slammed his fist on the bar next to his Blue Fox Ale. He saw the disapproving scowl from Kendra, the bartender working that night. He fumed as he saw Whitehead prance into the end zone with a gift wrapped pick six and a backbreaking play.

Running back Ty'Relle Clinton got a handoff from Rosen and had a gigantic hole opened up by left guard Nate Felton as he ran a counter trey to perfection. However, a glancing blow by right edge Levi Espinosa jarred the ball loose and he pounced on it for a first down at the Sarzonia 36-yard line. Three plays later, quarterback Jackson Watford tossed a 34-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Marco Polisson for the final margin of victory.

The Stars head into the mid-qualifying break at 1-4 after two embarrassing losses to teams they expected to at least be competitive with. Granted, their one victory was a game they weren't supposed to win, and the loss to Free Republics was hardly a surprise. But for this team the only real drama was whether External Affairs would even allow the Stars to travel to Free Republics with the diplomatic controversy still simmering.

After Steckhall finally made it back to his hotel room following the match that sent the Stars into last place in the group, he saw a text from a number he recognised all too well. It was his former boss Gil Spencer. He was annoyed. After asking for suggestions and advice and getting rebuffed, now he was texting Steckhall?

He only skimmed the text before the option came up to leave the text as unread. He saw enough of the text to realise that Spencer was actually offering the constructive feedback he previously declined to. He had to wonder if the move was an indication of a change of heart on Spencer's part or if it was part of an ulterior motive: Watch the inexperienced coach fail, then ride in like a knight in shining armour and rescue the team.

He thought for a moment. He remembered the resentment he felt toward Spencer when he denied the young offensive coordinator a chance to interview for the same position. He remembered the cold shoulder he'd gotten from Spencer after he interviewed for and was offered the head coaching position. He also remembered what his father would have said had he been alive. Be the bigger man. Forgive. He decided he wasn't ready for that. At least not yet.

He left Gil Spencer on read.

[Main Nation Ministry]

Tedium

Another day, another dollar. In the level of typical bureaucracy that was the Ministry, every single cog exists to do its job. At the top of the gears and machinery was the Leader, who would usually be at his desk, doing some sort of issue or two, just to make sure things in the dictatorship were running smoothly. How long has the gears not gotten rusty? There were times that a spanner was thrown into the works, but that spanner would be taken out and tossed to the floor eventually. However, there are times where someone managed to wedge it deep inside, so that it can do more damage, where the cogs had to be replaced. And at some times, the top gear, which was the Leader, vanished from time to time.

---

Dorbi Truman strolled through the hallway, as he was trying to reach the Leader to discuss some recent legislation that were affecting some tourist hotspots. Two soldiers, who were guarding the entrance, stopped him from entering. "Do you mind? I need to see the Leader over a diplomatic matter?" Truman said, but the two men in front of the doors didn't budge. "Sorry, the Leader is currently on a lunch break. You need to wait until he returns to his office before you can proceed."
"Lunch break?! He practically eats in his office!" Truman said, frustrated.
"We're only following orders, sir."

It wasn't until Princess Keller Harrington arrived, was when Truman noticed something weird. "Harrington? What are you doing here?" Truman asked. "I been texting the Leader over my schedule. I'm taking some educational classes for summer, so I been texting him that my whole 'propaganda' schedule needs to be moved around. He hadn't responded to his phone all day."
Truman took a look at the doors and figured something was up. "Keller, if you would authorize these men to let the two of us in?" Truman said, where Keller sighed. "Fine.. You two. Patrol Victory Square." Keller said to the men, where they both saluted and stepped away from the doors.

"If he's slacking in there, he's going to make me have a stroke."
"Come on, Truman. I had to face worse from him." Keller said, as they opened the doors. The inside of the Leader's office looked the same. Except that the Leader wasn't at his desk. Instead, there was some sort of note that was left behind with some sort of special candy wrapped in the same style as the seaside piers in the nation. "The hell?" Truman said, as he read the note.

This note has been addressed to top government officials, where any non top-government officials are to be given amnestics immediately. Truly that this memo is being read by those that I trust. You may continue reading.

---

To explain my abnormal absence, figuring that several conditions might have tipped you off. I am to not disclose my current whereabouts, as I have put myself on
a private mission. Due to the nature of this mission, if there is any direct interference, it might prove to have disastrous consquences. That's why I trust myself in doing this mission. There is a lot of things I wish to address to Princess Keller Harrington. Private things. But the thing I want to say is that I'm dependent on surviving on my own. I can't explain why for the safety of others. As usual, I know I have placed heavy work in other people's hands. Some are probably already backtalking me for doing so.

What's important is that I will return. Don't know when, but due to the conditions I'm in, travel might be limited. Under no circumstances, should you disrupt my office. I have already set a protocol to prevent entry into my private residence. Moreso, knowing that the government will not be run into the ground while I'm gone, I asked that things go smoothly for the World Bowl this season with the help of General Emmanuel Jones. The other ministries should be doing fine without my help, though the heads should know what they are doing.

And for good measure, Jessica Madden is still to be treated with disclipine.

Keller immediately rolled her eyes, when the Leader mentioned Jessica.

I promise that I can explain some things from after my return to the nation. For now, my own conquest that I have embarked is to be ignored. Also, I didn't know if Keller likes coconut, though I ask that you give them to her.

Sincerely,
The Leader

Truman looked at the note with a dumbfounded look on his face. He was confused, yes, but what did the Leader mean? Where was he? "Where the hell did he go?!" Truman said, wanting questions, but the nature of the Leader's letter stated that he is to not state where he was heading for the safety of the nation. "Didn't you read? The Leader said that he's going somewhere that's confidential. For all I know, he might be going on a vacation or something." Keller said, picking up the candy that the Leader wanted her to have.

"Can we guarantee that he will be ok?"
"I know a bit about him, Truman. I think where he is at, he's sees himself as unstoppable. If things go wrong, he knows how to improvise."

OOC Note: I'm sorry for not posting frequently in the everything thread. Due to summer classes, my schedule is messed up. However, I do have a story arc that could be interesting for some.

[TJUN-ia]

After our first loss of the campaign against Ko-oren, the Jaguars entered The Sarian looking to rebound and achieve highs no one really expected. At the beginning of the season, some thought TJUN-ia could do well in some aspect but they never thought that we would enter this game tied at the top of the table at 3-1. Gus McKerrin, intentionally or otherwise, has somehow managed to drag this team to contention to make the trip to Deleclava and he wanted to ensure that didn't change entering the off-day.

The first quarter showed what this game would look like: a defensive battle. Both offences were snuffed as both Mohammad Al-Khalifa (TJUN-ia DC) and Pietr Geval (the Sari counterpart) managed to keep the game scoreless after 15 minutes.

The second quarter finally saw some cracks, but it would be the home team who struck first. Hylaari Buuf threw the ball to Ryli Kindvanluuc, who managed to snake his way to the endzone for a 35-yard TD. The extra point was kicked by Pietr Kindvanaluun and it was 7-0 for De Bondsaari. The Jaguars bounced back with a touchdown of their own, a 23-yard pass by Jake Griffin to Hubert Valois, but Chi On-Ma missed the extra point. The teams would go to the locker rooms soon after with The Sarian leading 7-6.

If Gus wanted a response by P.J. Swarts and his offence than he would certainly get it. In the third quarter, Griffin found Valois again for a 34-yard TD while in the forth he ran the ball in himself from 6-yards. Both extra points were kicked by Chi and that would be the end of the scoring for this game.

So, 4-1. Who saw that coming? Not me, that's for for certain! Tied at the top with Casadiagua and Ko-oren, the remaining 5 games will be very important in order to continue being in contention. A trip to Concord Heights will start us off and it looks like we will go 4-2. Surely? GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group D)
MD1: vs Cassadiagua (11) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington W 21-14 (3rd/1-0)
MD2: @The Jovannic (UR) - De Stadium Le Buile, Buile W 21-0 (1st/2-0)
MD3: vs Nagore (UR) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington W 44-3 (1st/3-0)
MD4: vs Ko-oren (3) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington L 0-17 (3rd/3-1)
MD5: @The Sarian (49) W 20-7 (3rd/4-1)
------------------------OFF-DAY------------------------
MD6: @Cassadiagua (11)
MD7: vs The Jovannic (UR) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington
MD8: @Nagore (UR)
MD9: @Ko-oren (3)
MD10: vs The Sarian (49) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington

[Ranoria]

Ranoria Remains Unbeaten, Newmanistan Nipping at Heels

Darnell Sleight, the team's 24 year old top corner, has struggled this season. However, after both an interception and a safety today, he may be coming into his own.

Lovisa never stood a chance against this dynamic attack, and Derek McNair made sure to bury them early by leading his offense to a pair of first quarter touchdowns. Ranoria almost certainly knocked them out of the playoff hunt by bringing their record to 2-3, while our own remained spotless.

In the win, the defense notched an interception and four sacks, providing a playmaking spark that is necessary to secure such a standout performance on that side. The team's top corner, Darnell Sleight, also notched a safety late in the fourth quarter. In doing so, he ended a streak of two scoring drives in a row by Lovisa, and any hope they had at coming back.

As usual though, the offense garnered most of the attention. McNair provided 267 passing yards on 23 attempts and 20 completions, while Vice Jackson III carried the ball twenty eight times for 111 yards. Katterfield, the team's second runner, notched eight carries of his own today, and the ground game continued to be a lethal weapon for this team, especially with McNair passing just six times in the second half. When you go into halftime up 21-0, it's bound to happen.

However, Newmanistan refuses to go away. After a tight loss to our own national team earlier in the season, they are 4-1. A win against the Ranorian team in this coming second portion of the round robin could result in their winning of the group if this continues, which would be catastrophic for seeding purposes.

[Newmanistan]

THE ROCKET REPORT

HALFWAY THERE

by Brianne Henry,

Qualifying for the World Bowl has reached it’s halfway point, and here are some things we know about the Rockets thus far:

1) The team sits in second place in the group with a 4-1 record, a game behind the undefeated Ranoria side, but a game or more ahead of the cutline.

Thoughts: This would get them into the playoffs, but they must continue to play at the level in which they are doing. That is never a guarantee with this team, but making the playoffs is an expectation of the squad. Beyond that, those expectations are probably not to win a championship, that is simply the goal of the team. We can talk about that goal, and when we are being reasonable and unreasonable in what we expect, versus what we want, when we get there. If we get there, of course. Marvin Dineen is still the head coach, remember.

2) The offense: Better, but still inconsistent.

Thoughts: There is still room for improvement, as we have learned in the last two games where they have only scored ten points in each of them. Those were against better teams, but how you are truly evaluated is by your performance those teams. Overall, I think the addition of Stephon Sutton has helped. But I can’t think of how the team stalled at the four yard line in that critical late game possession against Ranoria. For as good as they had been playing to that point, the demons of past World Bowls, and futility in the red zone showed here. Yes, give credit to the Ranorian defense. However, when we’ve seen it before from our side, the pain never goes away. Not surprisingly, the carryover spilled into the next game, with the Rockets failing to score an offensive touchdown. The lone TD was on a pick six from Desmond Jenkins against the InnerAginanaUsoria side.

3) The defense: A highlight

Thoughts: The way things look right now, if this team has a long run in the playoffs, it is going to be thanks to the defense. This group has come together and been much more consistent then the offense has to this point. Desmond Jenkins has three picks in four games, it does not get much better then that, and Lenny Bailey has picked up at least one sack in each of the games. Most importantly, the pass rush is doing what it is designed to do, put pressure on the QB so they can’t sit in the pocket, have a cup of coffee, and then deliver the pass.

4) Coaching: Give Marvin Dineen some credit, please.

Thoughts: The team has won four out of five games, and they played Ranoria well for the most part. Right now, there is not much negative that you can say other then the way the offense can be trending. The next game is going to pivotal for Dineen. Can he get the offense back on track? If he can, then I will start to give him a little more credit.

[Nagore]

Out of Our League

JOSHUA YATES

To argue that Nagore's reintroduction to the world of international sporting has started off rather pitifully would be an understatement. Nagore's football team is currently ranked last in their group, and to be quite honest, is poised to finish the group stage without a single win if changes do not occur rather quickly. In some ways, this poor performance was to be expected. Nagore came into this tournament with limited knowledge of and experience with the teams that they find themselves up against. Moreover, from the jump Nagore appeared to struggle to field a team for this event. Despite the Nagorian government offering cash bonuses to individuals willing to play in the World Bowl, many of the stars of the Nagorian Football League did not believe it was worth the risk of injury, or exhaustion, and instead chose to focus more on the season ahead. Because of this, Nagore's World bowl roster appears to be less of a "who's who" of football all-stars, and instead a random assortment of free agents, rookies, and players near retirement. As a result, Dominic Temple, newly appointed Head of Public Image for the Nagorian government has recently spent little time discussing the performance of Nagore's gridiron team, and instead shifted focus to talking about the potential for Nagore to perform well at the U18 World Championships and the upcoming Olympics. While growing pains are to be expected from a nation that has been absent from the international stage in years, Nagore's sports teams are going to need to show at least some indicators of potential if this project is going to have any legs.

[Allamunnic States]

Allamunnika Daily
Sports - World Bowl XXXIX Coverage

At halftime, Allamunnae are in control
Shutout win over Abahnfleft vaults Regulars into Group H lead entering second half of qualifiers
by Aldyn Wyrnur

With a road match against Abahnfleft standing between the Regulars and the group lead and the second half of qualifiers, Rik Olafsunn's squad delivered their fourth shutout win of World Bowl XXXIX, 29-0, over the Fleftics to take control of Group H. The win places the Regulars ahead of Abahnfleft based on head-to-head record, who are in turn ahead of South Covello on head-to-head record, and with the difference presumably coming in the Allamunnic team's favor based on point differential.

The match against Abahnfleft unfolded as a steady building of momentum and a lead by the Regulars, as the defense swarmed and hammered the beleaguered Fleftic offense and the Allamunnic offense returned to its ground-and-pound philosophy to grind down their opposition. The game opened with the Regulars winning the coin-toss and electing to defer, ending the opening drive on an interception by FS#05 Anke Baenty at the Allamunnic 19. The Regulars would follow it upon getting the ball back with a 32-yard field goal by K#15 Sofya Torrus. After cutting another possession short, the Allamunnae would be able to eat up the remainder of the first quarter on a drive that would culminate early in the 2nd quarter with a 1-yard touchdown run by HB#31 Piotr Sfynsunn on an option run out of the Wishbone.

Disaster struck Abahnfleft when they got the ball back, as their quarterback was sacked into the endzone by DE#59 Theodur Waalturs for a safety and a 15-0 deficit. After the fair punt, the Allamunnae were able to use up most of the rest of the quarter on a 76-yard drive that culminated in a 4-yard touchdown rush on a power run by HB#22 Fredrik Eriksunn out of the Power-I. The team would go into halftime nursing a 19-0 lead.

The second half saw the Regulars take their foot off the gas just a little bit; the starting offense became much less hesitant to punt in the second half in general, and the fourth quarter in particular. The first score came off of their opening possession of the half, where they were able to drive to the Fleftic 14-yard line to set up a 31-yard field goal by Sofya Torrus. A forced fumble at the Allamunnic 35-yard line gave them good field position for another long, time-eating drive where the Allamunnic ground attack came through, with QB#12 Ed Kaarlsunn punching in a 3-yard touchdown run on an option keeper. After Torrus' PAT, the final 29-0 margin of victory was set. The fourth quarter was basically a formality; the Fleftics might have still been on the field, but the lights had metaphorically gone out by then.

Going into the second half of qualifiers, the Regulars will have a road-heavy slate. They will get home rematches against South Covello (who inflicted the Regulars sole loss thus far on them in South Covello, 6-3) and Abahnfleft, while going on the road for a second and third time in a row against the UCR and Mathuvan Union, with a rubber match against Karditan after the South Covello game. If the Regulars can hold serve or even improve on their first half performance, they will be in control of Group H and well-positioned to be seeded quite highly come the Round of Sixteen. However, wins are far from guaranteed, and it is not inconceivable that a collapse could see the Regulars miss the playoffs. Fans will watch with bated breath in the hopes that the Regulars will live up to expectations.

Statistical Leaders:

Passing:
QB#12 Ed Kaarlsunn - 5/8, 103 yards
Total: 5/8, 103 yards

Rushing:
HB#22 Fredrik Eriksunn - 15 rushes, 92 yards, TD
FB#24 Derrik Staalburg - 14 rushes, 73 yards
QB#12 Ed Kaarlsunn - 12 rushes, 50 yards, TD
HB#31 Piotr Sfynsunn - 10 rushes, 47 yards, TD
Total: 51 rushes, 262 yards, 3 TDs

[Kohnhead]

Kohnhead pick up their first win



The offense finally arrived as Watford put to bed any real concern. We just needed to go against a team that was also unranked to do it. Sarzonia was coming off of a surprise upset of The Greater Nordics but we showed them our true offensive firepower in a 31-10 victory.

The game was actually tied at 10 following the first quarter. Watford had looked very good just two in completions but one was an interception in the red zone. That throw was actually a result of Billy James injuring his leg while running a route and thus he was out of position to make the catch. It certainly wasn't Watford's fault. The defense hadn't played as well as they had been playing, and especially with the game against Northwest Kalactin people were starting to wonder if they were falling off. They gave up a 36 yard pass to Matt Largent, and Sam Rosen was hot early.

Those doubts were put to bed in the rest of the game. The offense also picked up with Watford tossing a 7 yard td to Bradson, and for the defense. Percy Whitehead has really stepped up this tournament and continued his hot streak with an interception that was intended for Steve Swain late in the third. He got his second pick six as he had green grass in front of him to make the lead two touchdowns.

Ty'Relle Clinton tried to make this a game as he bounded through a massive hole opened by Felton but Levi Espinosa is pursuit was able to knock the ball out, and then dive on it giving Kohnhead the ball back deep in Sarzonian territory. Marco Polisson was able to catch a ball in the back of the end zone as Watford threw him a dot, and he had beat his defender on a hitch and go route.

In terms of injuries the last two games have dealt a beating on our squad. Georgette Butler the starting rb went down with a neck injury against NWK. We talked about the injury to Billy James, and Worthing is doubtful for the next game after injuring her elbow more. Yater suffered a hip injury and it is questionable about her return. Carolyn Sloan had to be carted off of the field on a stretcher against Sarzonia with an apparent neck injury suffered after trying to take out a defender with her head. This makes our corner room even smaller as Gabriel Giles will have to step in for probably the rest of the tournament.

Our next match is against Free Republics who we actually played well against in the first match of the tournament. Hopefully Watford and the offense can stay hot, and the defense can continue playing like it has. Here's the table

Group G                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics                                 5    5   0   166   36 +130
2 The Greater Nordics                            5    3   2    72   65   +7
3 Torisakia                                      5    3   2   121  114   +7
4 Northwest Kalactin                             5    2   3    81  123  −42
5 Kohnhead                                       5    1   4    70   83  −13
6 Sarzonia                                       5    1   4    56  145  −89

Injury Report
RB Georgette Butler O-Neck
TE Billy James D-Ankle
LT Molly Worthing D-Elbow
RE Brittany Yater Q-Hip
CB Ariel Knox O-Knee
CB Carolyn Sloan-Neck

[Delaclava]

DSGN.com Gridiron

After humbling defeat to Drawkland, Phoenixes look forward to continued improvement

Following a 27-16 loss to the #2 team in the world in Drawkland, the Phoenixes now take stock of their situation with determination and optimism, in the hopes that they will be one of the top two teams in Group A that will get to play for the World Bowl championship in Delaclava.

"We're five games in, and we're feeling good about where we stand," quarterback Brian Mathis said, "We've gotten our feet wet, picked up a few good wins. But now we need to find that next level. Drawkland and the Commonwealth are the top two teams to beat, and we need to find a way in somehow."

Delaclava trailed 19-0 at the half in Drawkland, but showed some resilience in opening the second half with a long option play from Mathis to Sequoyah Cooper, which was scored as a Cooper 52 yard touchdown run, and then a QB sneak conversion. After a stop, the Phoenixes had an opportunity to draw within a field goal, but a bad read by Mathis gifted the Grid Corps a pick-six. Mathis would find Mateus Eldridge for a long passing touchdown in the closing minutes, but it was too little, too late.

"We couldn't get the win," said offensive lineman Colton Voigt, "but we always felt like we were able to keep working, keep finding ways to stay in the contest and figure out their gameplan.

"We can't wait to go against them on our own turf."

Delaclava sits in third place in Group A with a 3-2. Drawkland leads at a perfect 5-0, while Transmondian Commonwealth is in second, also a 3-2 but with a head-to-head home win over Delaclava.

"If we're going to advance, we're going to need to get that one back," proclaimed head coach Gorka Bielsa. "That's why we're excited to come home for those matches in the second half. We went on the road to take on the biggest challenges in the group and looked really good doing it. But we're done with looking really good. We're here to win."

First things first: the Phoenixes will return home to take on Sarzonia for a friendly at Royster Field. The last time the Stars came to the National Athletic Complex's main gridiron stadium, it was named "Golden Grass Stadium", before being recently re-christened in honor of Max Royster, the winning coach of World Bowls XIII and XV.

The Stars are reeling, with a 1-4 record in a tough Group G, not to mention a recent coaching and quarterbacking change. But Bielsa cautioned against counting the Stars in the friendly: "They're tough, gritty, and highly motivated to have an improved second half. And no doubt, that starts with beating one of their old rivals. Both teams need a win here to set the tone for the second half. We'll be ready."

After that, it's off to Quebec to begin the official second half of the World Bowl group stage. Delaclava won the home rubber 23-14, a highly competitive affair, and the return game will no doubt look the same.

"If we're thinking of ourselves as a team that can win the World Bowl - and I know we can - " Mathis said, "that means we need to take care of business. This is a game where we need to do just that. Win the smaller games so that the big games really do matter.

"We have one goal in mind, and each day it looks a little bit more possible. We're not stopping now."

Drawkland 27–16 Delaclava

1st Quarter
DRK, Jack Hoy 42 yard run (Dustin Beck pass to Riley Hoyt), 5:18
DRK, Beck 31 yard pass to Trey Council (Sammy Wilkins run), 0:32
2nd Quarter
DRK, Matthew Watts 26 yard FG, 9:41
3rd Quarter
DEL, Sequoyah Cooper 52 yard run (Brian Mathis run) 10:06
DRK, Lenox Daley 15 yard interception return (Beck pass to Toby Miller) 4:23
4th Quarter
DEL, Mathis 70 yard pass to Mateus Eldridge (Mathis pass to Matthew Plank) 2:31

[Saint Kanye]

SURGE RETURN TO WINNING WAYS, BEAT S. BEACH 20-NIL

by Chuck Duncan

SILVER BEACH - It had been a good start to the St. Kanye Surge national gridiron team's World Bowl XXXIX campaign, as they got back to back wins against the Jeckland Spuds, 24-12, and the team from Lisander, 20-15. However, they followed up their two victories with a pair of losses to the group's powerhouses, 7-34 against the Xanneria Maroons and 9-30 against the Taeshan Fitin' Falcons. The Surge needed to get back on track if they wanted to advance to the playoffs.

They traveled to Silver Beach next to take on the home team, who they felt were not to be taken lightly despite being unranked and having four losses in as many games, including shutouts in the last three.

Well, make that five losses in as many games, and shutouts in the last three - the Surge snap their losing streak by defeating Silver Beach twenty to nothing.

The Yeezie defense reigned supreme in this match, with both of their touchdowns coming off turnovers. Light-footed linebacker Hansel Jones scored on a fumble return in the first quarter, while cornerback Aidan O'Connor took an interception to the house in the third. O'Connor finished with three INTs total, while right end Matt Dawson and nose tackle Robby Edison did their part in harassing the opposing quarterback with two sacks apiece.

"At their best, our defense can perform every bit as good as our offense", spoke St. Kanye's defensive coordinator Kevin Macintyre. "I see them as being a vital part of our future successes, hoping of course that we have more of those. After this game is a one-day break, which the Surge said will be spent to get back to St. Kanye early. There they will do battle with the Spuds for the second time. "Look at them [Spuds], they've rattled off three wins after we beat them. I expect them to come out stronger and give us a tougher challenge in our second meeting", said Edison. Silver Beach will hope to finally get into the win column as they travel to Lisander to play the only team they scored against thus far in this competition.

---

Scoring Information:

STK - Jones 42 fumble return (Rasputin kick) STK 7-0

STK - field goal Rasputin 29 STK 10-0

STK - O'Connor 65 interception return (Rasputin kick) STK 17-0
STK - field goal Rasputin 51 STK 20-0

(no scoring in 4th)

Schedule:

Matchday 1: W 24-12 @ Jeckland (UR*)
Matchday 2: W 20-15 vs. Lisander (30)
Matchday 3: L 7-34 @ Xanneria (14)
Matchday 4: L 9-30 vs. Taeshan (7)
Matchday 5: W 20-0 @ Silver Beach (UR)
BREAK
Matchday 6: Purple/Purple vs. Jeckland (UR)
Matchday 7: White/White @ Lisander (30)
Matchday 8: Purple/Black vs. Xanneria (14)
Matchday 9: White/Purple @ Taeshan (7)
Matchday 10: Purple/Purple vs. Silver Beach (UR)

*Unranked.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

OOC : Many thanks to Vdara and Baker Park for letting me use a Vdaran royal and of course, the setting of Endover, Baker Park.

Childhood, Traces
PART 4.1 - Anna Sun

When it comes to understanding uncle Brock and how my parents met, there is the other, Vdaran side of the family.

The Chania house crest is a much more simplified version of the Vdaran Coat of Arms, though if you understand the origins of the contemporary nation-building practices, there lies only little surprise. The pale bird sitting on the tree within the blue background there is still there, certainly fitting to the maritime heritage of the country with booming tourism, Mantinades poetry and whatnot. Still, it's important to note that the Chanians, while royal in origin, are not as closely related or associated to Her Majesty as many of the royal observers seem to think, and I myself do not enjoy the connections either. The Vdaran maternal ancestors of mine were fairly new to the throne, having been in power from 1945, in their small kingdom located midway between Llamaland, Hinodejin Empire and Lisander, and Filindostan. Father’s been there a few times too, per the obligations of the Royal House of Chania, via an Aeroquebec flight, and so I have my family when I was little. Unfortunately, such memories are few and wide, especially as I grew older and visits happened every blue moon. It’s not so much on my unwillingness, but rather that I usually had commitments that made such visits unrealised for a solid decade.

Rather, I share more fond memories of summers spent in cottage villages abroad. Diagrammatically, hundreds of cottages circle around dozens of lakes on the Lake District, northeast of Baker Park, which may be represented as the childhood fragments of endless Bakerians and Atlantian Oceanians, as did a couple of those I recall within those hundreds. Dozens on the northwestern side of Red Deer Lake, about two hours northeast of Endborough, stood particular Quebecois cottage villages, where Quebecois and the other families of Commonwealth origins rented or owned cottages during during summers, with Quebecois-owned cottages on northern end, the Rushmori-Commonwealthers on the middle, and the Banijans, Tamazghans and Acadianans on the very northern tip, with the villages lacking borders and pretty much linked with stores, piers and few other amenities they were to share along the lakeshore.

Among them, I recall two particular features: the Village-des-Pins station situated halfway between the Quebecois and the Rushmori-Commonwealther villages, which was about ten minutes walk away from my familial cottage, and the mile-long Gwangmoo Pier that distinguished the feature; I was there to watch the sunsets quite often, if my memory serves me correctly.

Anyways, the cottage home of Limassol Cottage, formerly named enters history when King Stelios I, the founding monarch of independent Vdara, bought a particular property. Of course, there are various theories to why he would pick a cottage property on the other side of the Multiverse, but that is not the issue. While the monarch himself did not frequent the property, mostly due to the domestic matters every founding monarch had to tend to, his daughter, late Queen Acacia of Vdara, spent occasional summers in the region, spent time socialising with the Quebecois elite, and had taken enough memories of the Bakerian summers back to Vdara.

My mother, Athena de Chania (1995-), is the daughter of Stelios II the Elderly (1971-), the third king of Vdara, and Helena of Nicosia (1969-), daughter of a certain Nicosian duke who died half a century ago. Of her siblings, she had one older, Princess Alexia (1993-), and one younger, Prince Michael, siblings. And it is from that certain auntie who binds the story the first time.
If the legends tell me correctly, there was a baseball match that took place in Jubillee Park, in honour of Her Royal Highness, sometime between 1 and 5 in the afternoon.

Two people, who had their closest chances, had aimed to win over her and so went forth with it. I can frankly imagine the excitement of a couple dozen men, led by two pesky gentlemen-to-be, in the very grassy fields of the Jubilee Park. I can even smell the soil of the dust that blew upon a run and the grass covered by morning dew that somehow outstayed its time of survival above the leaves. And of course, the smell of summer sweat that came out of the young, youthful selves bidding to win over a heart! For one there was no winner, the match having ended at 15 a 2-2 tie game.

It is at this diamond where my mother befriended two elder siblings of the man she was eventually going to marry. Auntie Rachel, for much of her twenties and thirties, went into investigative journalism and, in the last engagements of her former career in Quebec City, played few crucial groundsetting roles in The Tageukgi’s coverage of a treason plot that would eventually culminate into execution or below-ground detention of 3,864 in year 2036.

Her five decades of life, aside from occasional adventures, hasn’t been particularly eventful, though she did have a couple of lucky instances involving chance from her twenties. Once, on the middle of the first Caraqueno Civil War (OOC: WC70-74 would be the rough timeframe), her train ticket from Caracas Metropolitan Station was nullified because she woke up late- she woke up at 9:00 a.m. for a 7:45 a.m. train- so she ended up staying an extra day before heading home, and walked away safe as the train heading to St-Armand entered into the inferno. That story of her own virtue of luck, best described in ancient idiom (塞翁之馬), was of course just one of hundreds she told us and on media, but in this I will restrain myself from unnecessary recantations.

Anyways, due to her job, she had moved fairly regularly and would disappear for months if not a year at times with little options to contact him. Stil, my family did try to see her, and her vice versa to us, whenever possible. Her return to the old cottage was something that she had clearly thought of in mind, though not in the old Lundrigan cottage, but rather the Limassol Cottage just few kilometres away. Of course, by that point, she had long been used to questioning from the Vdaran authorities about her involvement and whatnot in such minefields that would normally cause such bureaucrats and intelligence officers to flip over. Such was the way and I would get it used to it, was what she said and to this day, I appreciate her words for it. The older you get, the more you notice about how sometimes it's not easy being known with a possible target on your back.

[Drawkland]

WORLD BOWL XXXIX GROUP STAGE HALFWAY REVIEW
Written By: Hayley Powell and Chuck Paul

---

It's now been a whole cycle since we were absolutely jobbed in the World Bowl XXXVIII final. I mean, there's really no proof, but you expect us believe that the vastly outmatched Cosumar squad manages to beat us in the first double elim semifinals, setting up a cakewalk first final for the FFR, is completely legitimate? No chance. Then we claw back tooth and nail into the real final to face the hosting team in the Free Republics ... and we have to beat them twice to win the title. They end up not needing it, by absolutely flaying us alive in a bloody spectacle that I refuse to ever watch again. You're telling me Dak Waterman's farewell game is getting manhandled by a bunch of cheating pricks in front of God and everyone and he gets no justice? Absolutely shameful.

Now before my blood pressure spikes so high I have to go to the ER again, let me start thinking about this World Bowl. We're still riding high after a ... "successful" World Bowl XXXVIII campaign. Though Waterman has finally parted with the NT, the dynamic Dustin Beck has now been in the system long enough to be a valuable starter. The question is, who will be the new standout rookie to get into the squad? That's a question for another cycle, really. For now, we have enough stock in Beck that things should end up well enough.

We're now halfway through the group stage, so allow me to do a quick blitz review of the first few matches.
@ EQUESTRIA
I'll admit that starting your new campaign with an away game against a low-ranked nation whose citizens prefer the other football is not exactly the marquee matchup fans want to see. However, I think that Head Coach Quentin Averfel was salivating at this chance. After all, it's a cakewalk matchup with a little bit of difficulty to make sure you're not lulled into a false sense of security. It's perfect to start a campaign from a breaking-in standppint.

The Grid Corps got straight to work, putting together a slow and churning drive that ate up most of the first quarter. It was capped with a 4-yard run by Jack Hoy on 3rd and goal to score the first points of the game. Jack Hoy got the ball in the wildcat for the two point conversion, and easily scored it to go up 0-8. Equestria's offense was not equipped to handle the aggressive and stifling Corps defense, so they gave up the ball quickly on their first possession. The next Grid Corps drive ended similarly, this time capped with a 8-yard pass from Beck to Covington. Beck and Hoy ran a read option play for the two-pointer, and Beck kept to make the score 0-16. Equestria's next drive once again fizzled out, and left only enough time on the clock for the Corps offense to get into field goal range and set up Matthew Watts to nail a 44 yard field goal.

With the score 0-19 at halftime and the Equestrians showing no signs of life on offense, the Corps rotated most of the starters out and let the second teams have a go. The third quarter remained barren, with both offenses punting due to missed opportunities. With Zac Gold at the helm, the Corps offense scored their final points at the beginning of the fourth quarter, thanks to a drive-ending run by Wilkins from 12 yards out. With the second team in, there was no desire to go for two, so Watts hit the extra point to bring the score to its final resting place, 0-26. As far as opening games, it's all you could ask for.

vs NEW ENGLAND
The first home tilt for Drawkland would not be as much of a standout game as their opener. Well, for the offense at least. The defenses had their way in this matchup, and the score showed it. This match was going to be the hardest of the home slate, being against the #16 ranked pot 2 team of The Transmondian Commonwealth of New England (we're just gonna call them New England). We sorta lucked out with getting New England as our Pot 2 team, but that's no excuse to let our guard down, especially at home. This would be a crucial matchup, especially if we end up losing to them on their home soil in the second half of the group stage.

As I hinted at earlier, both defenses were on fire for this matchup. I wouldn't necessarily chalk it up to offensive ineptitude (as many low-scoring games are), as both the squads have talented offenses which weren't particularly bad in the game. The defenses were just doing their jobs, getting turnovers when the offense is in field goal range, or keeping them out of it altogether. New England were first to score, with Robert Metzger Coal hitting a field goal from the eleven yard line after a successful goalline stand by the Corps defense. The next Corps drive fizzled out, but a great punt by Vander Levy pinned the Commonwealth deep. Jordan Max cut off an out route by Samuel Hudson Coal, getting the offense right into the red zone to start their drive. As time in the second quarter waned, Beck managed to scramble for a 12-yard touchdown to get Drawkland on the board. Unfortunately, the two-point conversion pass to Madison was knocked away by Cary Adams Noble.

The halftime score of 6-3 was not exactly expected, but the crowd was no less hyped as they were at the starting kickoff as the teams took the field to start the second half. For Averfel, he figured he needed to pull something special on offense to get on the board again. Drawkland's first possession of the second half started well. Once they got to the 40 yard line, Averfel called a trick play for the offense. The offense had been going run almost the whole drive so far, trading handoffs between Hoy, Anders, and Beck keepers. They sold out in a running formation, with Beck tossing Hoy the ball from under center. New England had dialed up a blitz for the down, and the defense collapsed onto Hoy. Unfortunately for New England, they brought a corner in for the blitz and expected the safety to come down and cover the receiver at the line, who happened to be Daniel Madison. Madison had put on the jets as soon as the ball was snapped, and Hoy quickly set his feet and launched the ball right before being hammered to the ground. The ball had just enough juice on it to get over Mark Griswold Coal's head and into the hands of Madison who pranced into the end zone. This time, the two point pass was successful, this time an angle route to Hoy in the middle of the end zone.

The 14-3 scoreline was secure but not comfortable. Luckily, the Corps defense did their job in spite of the lack of offensive help. When the clock struck zero, the home fans were the ones delighted and the New England squad had to trudge home to their interdimensional homes empty-handed.

@ DRUNK PEOPLE
When presented a chance to play literally random drunk people in one of their mom's backyards, you take advantage of it. The name of this game was gadgetry. Averfel has been around the block a few times as a head coach, so he's had more than a few funny play ideas. Drunk People, playing literal backyard football, have all kinds of funny tricks up their sleeve. In a postgame interview, Averfel said he'd told the team "you can have all the fun they want, but if you lose, all your heads will roll." So that's exactly what the team did.

The timekeeping was loose and the play was fun. It was, after all, backyard football. The Corps ended up scoring first, thanks to that end around reverse play that everybody has seen already, specifically here being a pass from Toby Miller to Dustin Beck. The two pointer was actually not a two-pointer, as right before the snap, Dustin Beck scooted another 5 or so yards back from his shotgun position and drop-kicked the ball for the point after. The Drunk People would strike back, with their (beautifully) named running back, "Drawk," absolutely rolling over everybody. He ended up scoring the touchdown and the two-point conversion as well. After all, what's more fun than going for two?

Unfortunately, a really neat flea flicker by the Grid Corps ended in an interception by Tori Sakia, and the Drunk People, led by the fearless and fearsome Drawk on offense, once again rolled to another touchdown, and Drawk once again added the two point conversion by himself on the ground. Thankfully, there was enough time on the clock for the Corps to get down the field, with Watts capping the drive and the first half with a field goal from the 10.93 yard line.

The second half had a lot more defensive highlights, with the Corps offense playing a bit too fast and loose. As time began to elapse, the possibility of a Drunk People upset became ever more likely, or so it seemed. Once the Corps got the ball with a few minutes left to play, they suddenly shifted gears, a gear that the Drunk People simply didn't have. The offense rumbled down the field with ferocity, and scored thanks to a run by Jack Hoy at the one yard line with seconds left to go. With the score locked at 16-16, any smart person would elect to go for a normal PAT to break the tie easily. But this was a game for fun ... that wouldn't be the case. The Corps elected to go for two. Dustin Beck received the snap, and decided to start running to his right. The Drunk People defense had blitzed from that side, however, so he doubled back and went to the left. By now, more defenders had crashed down on that side. Running out of space, Beck doubled back again, turning around and running further behind the line of scrimmage. Half the Drunk defense was on his tail now, with every receiver madly running around in the end zone trying to get Beck's attention, but he continued running back and forth between Drunk defenders. That is, until he spotted an opening. With only the linebacker Banija left on one side, Beck hurdled over the diving defender and suddenly had tons of space. He sprinted forward, and it was clear there was no stopping him. Another drunken defender went to dive at him right before the goalline, but this time he front flipped over the defender and across the plane.

It may have been dumb, but it was fun, and Drawkland walked away with another win in their pockets. Not bad, if I say so myself.

MATCHES TO COME
My girlfriend is giving me evil looks, so it looks like I'll be cutting this review short for now. I mean, I'm sure Chuck will be mad at me, but I fear my girlfriend WAYYYY more than I fear my editor. I think he can survive me only writing about three games. Probably. This is actually nice, because then we'll have a clean three games to talk about for the next installment. That's what I'll be saying in my apology email, anyway. But for now, we're doing alright! We'll probably get maimed out of nowhere in the playoffs, but who cares! On Corps babey!!!!

[Delaclava]

The second half of the group stage now begins! You've seen each team in your group once - now you know what it takes to hang with them, beat them, take care of business, upset them - whatever the situation. Hope you've all had a chance to regroup, start the second half strong, and make sure everyone on the team is on the same page.

Gameday 6 cutoff!

---

First thing's first - a mid-group stage friendly was arranged between Delaclava and Sarzonia - the Cyanea Classic at Royster Field in Catherina. Pay close attention, for while you're unlikely to see either team in the final, this 110,000 seat stadium in the National Athletic Complex will be the location of the championship match, so take in the sights and sounds and envision yourselves taking the field here.

Delaclava 67–13 Sarzonia

No, I didn't know xkoranate could do that either...

---

Group A
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 14–17 Delaclava
Drawkland 34–7 Equestria
Drunk People at the Local Tavern 0–23 Transmondian Commonwealth of New England

  Group A                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland                                      6    6   0   152   42 +110
2 Transmondian Commonwealth of New England       6    4   2   118   74  +44
3 Delaclava                                      6    4   2   132   95  +37
4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                        6    2   4    75  105  −30
5 Drunk People at the Local Tavern               6    1   5    41  137  −96
6 Equestria                                      6    1   5    50  115  −65

Group B
Saint Kanye 16–21 Jeckland
Taeshan 17–13 Xanneria
Lisander 17–6 Silver Beach

  Group B                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Taeshan                                        6    5   1    98   49  +49
2 Jeckland                                       6    4   2   134   90  +44
3 Xanneria                                       6    4   2   131   52  +79
4 Saint Kanye                                    6    3   3    96  112  −16
5 Lisander                                       6    2   4    81   80   +1
6 Silver Beach                                   6    0   6    16  173 −157  E

Silver Beach is eliminated because even if they finish 4-6, Jeckland and Xanneria still have a matchup remaining, so one of them (as well as Taeshan) must finish with at least five wins.

Group C
Velstrania 24–35 Main Nation Ministry
Geektopia 32–13 Krytenia
Martune 0–7 Squidroidia

  Group C                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry                           6    6   0   180   99  +81
2 Geektopia                                      6    5   1   136   58  +78
3 Velstrania                                     6    3   3   113  120   −7
4 Squidroidia                                    6    2   4    67   89  −22
5 Krytenia                                       6    1   5    95  139  −44 E
6 Martune                                        6    1   5    46  132  −86

Krytenia is eliminated because their best case scenario is to tie Geektopia at 5-5, where Geektopia then has a 2-0 H2H record.

Group D
Nagore 17–26 The Jovannic
Cassadaigua 17–0 TJUN-ia
The Sarian 14–25 Ko-oren

  Group D                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Cassadaigua                                    6    5   1   116   56  +60
2 Ko-oren                                        6    5   1   123   37  +86
3 TJUN-ia                                        6    4   2   105   58  +47
4 The Sarian                                     6    2   4    78  121  −43
5 The Jovannic                                   6    2   4    88  133  −45
6 Nagore                                         6    0   6    60  165 −105 E

Nagore is eliminated because they cannot surpass second-placed Ko-oren.

Group E
Banija 33–21 HUElavia
Western Fardelshufflestein 0–13 Terre Septentrionale
Vangaziland 31–3 Alba and Cymru

  Group E                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale                           6    5   1   111   54  +57
2 Vangaziland                                    6    5   1   145   49  +96
3 Banija                                         6    4   2   159  109  +50
4 Western Fardelshufflestein                     6    2   4    67  136  −69
5 HUElavia                                       6    2   4   114  110   +4
6 Alba and Cymru                                 6    0   6    39  177 −138 E

Alba and Cymru is eliminated because they cannot surpass second-placed Vangaziland.

Group F
Newmanistan 23–9 Lovisa
Ranoria 44–14 Damukuni
Bongo Johnson 15–17 Inner AginanaUsordia

  Group F                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Ranoria                                        6    6   0   187   54 +133
2 Newmanistan                                    6    5   1   131   53  +78
3 Inner AginanaUsordia                           6    4   2   130   91  +39
4 Lovisa                                         6    2   4    88  160  −72
5 Bongo Johnson                                  6    1   5    66  122  −56
6 Damukuni                                       6    0   6    75  197 −122 E

Damukuni is eliminated because they cannot surpass second-placed Newmanistan.

Group G
Sarzonia 9–19 Torisakia
The Greater Nordics 25–3 Northwest Kalactin
Free Republics 30–14 Kohnhead

  Group G                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics                                 6    6   0   196   50 +146
2 The Greater Nordics                            6    4   2    97   68  +29
3 Torisakia                                      6    4   2   140  123  +17
4 Northwest Kalactin                             6    2   4    84  148  −64
5 Kohnhead                                       6    1   5    84  113  −29
6 Sarzonia                                       6    1   5    65  164  −99

Group H
United Civil Republic 0–20 Allamunnic States
Abanhfleft 31–14 Mathuvan Union
Karditan 12–10 South Covello

  Group H                                      Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Allamunnic States                              6    5   1   150    6 +144
2 Abanhfleft                                     6    5   1    76   46  +30
3 South Covello                                  6    4   2    84   62  +22
4 Karditan                                       6    3   3    67   60   +7
5 Mathuvan Union                                 6    1   5    50  105  −55
6 United Civil Republic                          6    0   6    14  162 −148 E

United Civil Republic is eliminated because they cannot surpass second-placed Abanhfleft.

[Ranoria]

A Clean Slate: Cornerback Renders Damukini Top WR Helpless

Derek McNair (left) and WR Mario Terrin after a touchdown pass...one of many on the day for McNair

Darnell Sleight was the focus of our last piece, and that will continue here. The corner, a fourth round draft pick in 2019 who was cut in his third season, has beens sensational the last two games. After an interception and a safety in week 5, his man was targeted just three times today, all resulting in pass deflections. Sleight is emerging as a young speedster after playing sub par football early in the year. That said, the coaches have allowed him to play more man coverage in the last couple of games, and he has thrived in that system.

If he keeps this up, he'll be put in an interesting position. The entirety of the Ranorian Football League is scooping up pass rushers and defensive backs with a fervor. And, after being drafted by the Illinois Farmers, he'll have his pick of a football team more than ready to pay him top money for a cornerback.

But of course, we have other news! The offense finally turned in a 40 plus point game, and McNair led the entire way. The quarterback turned in 4 touchdowns passing and two rushing, thoroughly dominating his competition with 471 total yards. He has been hard to stop so far, and has only turned the ball over twice, both in the same game. Which, of course, was a victory for the 6-0 squad.

With this standout job by the offense, they are the second highest scoring team in the World Bowl qualifier rounds, sitting just 9 points behind the Free Republics in that category with 186 in 6 games, good for an average of exactly 31.

Statistical Leaders for Ranoria Through Week 6:

QB Derek McNair:
-115/138, 1,708, 12.3 P/A, 14 TD, 2 INT
-30 rush, 172 yards, 5.73 yp/a, 4 TD, 1 fumble/1 lost
HB Vice Jackson III:
-140 carries, 624 yards, 4.45 yp/a, 2 TD
-16 receptions, 110 yards, 1 TD
HB Carlson Katterfield:
-22 rushes, 95 yards, 4.32 yp/a
-13 receptions, 92 yards, 1 TD
TE Johnny Farmer:
-31 receptions, 381 yards, 6 TD
WR Ricardo Jackson:
-32 receptions, 501 yards, 3 TD

DE William Teller: 18 tackles, 4.5 sacks, 2 TFL
DT Kevin Gerhart: 12 tackles, 2.5 sack
CB Darnell Sleight: 17 tackles, 2 sack, 5 PDef, 2 INT, 1 safety

[TJUN-ia]

The 2nd half of the World Bowl campaign began in Cassadiagua, as the Dagans looked to exact revenge over a TJUN-ia side that beat the in MD1 via extraordinary circumstances. The Jaguars entered tonight's game 4-1, tied at the top with Ko-oren and the Dagans and this game was going to be important. Gus McKerrin knew that, of course, but that didn't stop the inevitable.

The Dagans won this game 17-0. Two touchdowns by Taylor Crimmins (throwing to Alexa Schultz for both) and a 35-yard FG by Kiersten Baker. If that sounds familiar, then you'd be correct: Ko-oren beat us in New Washington by that same scoreline. Which begs the question - if our other game against the Dagans was a home win then what's going to happen when we face the Dragonflies on the road in MD9?

It may be decided soon, as both the Dagans and the Dragonflies must face each other next. One team will go 6-1, the other 5-2. If TJUN-ia wants to keep in the hunt for a berth in Deleclava, then it must win in THe Gardens against The Jovannic. GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group D)
MD1: vs Cassadiagua (11) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington W 21-14 (3rd/1-0)
MD2: @The Jovannic (UR) - De Stadium Le Buile, Buile W 21-0 (1st/2-0)
MD3: vs Nagore (UR) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington W 44-3 (1st/3-0)
MD4: vs Ko-oren (3) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington L 0-17 (3rd/3-1)
MD5: @The Sarian (49) W 20-7 (3rd/4-1)
------------------------OFF-DAY------------------------
MD6: @Cassadiagua (11) L 0-17 (3rd/4-2)
MD7: vs The Jovannic (UR) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington
MD8: @Nagore (UR)
MD9: @Ko-oren (3)
MD10: vs The Sarian (49) - Field of Dreams in The Gardens, New Washington

[Squidroidia]

Previous Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Road to the World Bowl

The Squidroidian Flyers

---

Episode 7 - Squidroidian Scorigami

In the World Bowl there's always room for terrific scorelines to pop up, in the group stage or the knockout tournament. Just think of the scorelines we had in just this goaround. Think of 50+ point blowouts against Silver Beach, hard fought games against the likes of Western Fardelshufflestein and HUElavia, Lovisa Win Twice, that's why we love the World Bowl. You can see absolute nobodies get pummeled against veterans and at the same time see encounters closer than a usual open-wheel race. And then there's Martune v Squidroidia. When both teams started their World Bowl campaign against each other, they produced the first of 2 OT games so far. In the return fixture, they produced arguably the most baffling scoreline seen so far in World Bowl XXXIX. This is the tale of 2 games. This is the Royals vs the Flyers.

Game 1. Inkopolis City Stadium, usually a haven for Squidroidian association football, was about to play host to its first ever gridiron football game. The Squidroidia Armed Forces, or SAF, usually had their big gridiron clashes, including the once every year Squidroidian Bowl, at the Park. The Squidroidia Armed Forces Park, on Takanori Army Base, just a short trip from Inkopolis. This time, however, they were presenting this new brand of football in front of the country's biggest stadium. A sold out crowd turned out to see the Flyers, led by a certain guy, I don't know if you heard of him, his name is Chiziwa Hideyoshi. Their matchup to start the World Bowl was against an unranked, seemingly new to gridiron nation named Martune. And it was close. The Squidroidians were treated to an overtime game and everything!

The scoreline after Squidroidia missed the chance to counter Martune's touchdown? 3-9.

Only 12 points were scored that game. Twelve. Sure, these teams both had zero experience on the field, the score is going to be low as it is, but TWELVE POINTS? You're telling me that these 2 teams only combined for 2 field goals and a touchdown with a no good extra point? If you told me that, I would call you insane. There are 2 main theories to this. One states that Martune are an exceptionally amazing defensive team but are absolutely horrendous on offense. At least the offense part is sort of correct, but in Martune's next 4 games they lost all of them by a combined margin of 122-37. That included a 23-0 loss to Velstrania away and a 27-0 crushing at the hands of Geektopia. They didn't even score points until their 32–24 loss against the Main Nation Ministry. If anything this would have to go to Squidroidia, with the 4th best points allowed and the 2nd worst points scored at the halfway point. The only team worse than them on offense? Well, Martune.

The second theory, however, is much more plausible. Seeing as the staff at ICS only had a 1 week turnover period between the Squidroidian Cup Final of association football and this game, the team had to rush to set up the gridiron pitch. End zones, goal posts, everything. The Squidroidian team played on the pitch the day before the game, and Colonel Tanyu, the Squidroidian head coach, said that quote:

"You expect a gridiron team to play on this? If I were the head of the SAF, I would change my mind right this instant.

Fortunately the issues were fixed and the Squidroidians and their group mates had a wild good time. As the 2nd half dawned on the 2 teams, Squidroidia was heading to Martune's field. Was the play going to be any better? I'll let the scoreline say all of the words.

---

Martune 0-7 Squidroidia

No words can describe what just happened. Maybe the box score can tell us something we missed.

Box Score

Regulation
0-7 Squidroidia TD (Hideyoshi), extra point good

Nope. It was just 1 score all game. A QB sneak by Hideyoshi and a successful PAT by Tone Dayu. It wasn't even a field goal and 2 safeties! The football gods have cursed the games against these 2 to be terrible, terrible slugfests, on horrible pitches that can't even house a rat. 19 points were scored. In both games. If you excuse me I'm going to get myself a drink.

---

The Schedule
All home games are at Inkopolis City Stadium

Matchday 1 - Vs. Martune L, 3-9 OT
-
Matchday 2 - @ Geektopia L, 13-26
-
Matchday 3 - Vs. Main Nation Ministry L, 0-19
-
Matchday 4 - @ Krytenia  W, 24-12
-
Matchday 5 - Vs. Velstrania L, 20-23
-
Matchday 6 - @ Martune  W, 7-0
-
Matchday 7 - Vs. Geektopia
-
Matchday 8 - @ Main Nation Ministry
-
Matchday 9 - Vs. Krytenia
-
Matchday 10 - @ Velstrania

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale beats Western Fardelshufflestein again

New Hamletberg, Western Fardelshufflestein - On matchday 6, Terre Septentrionale travelled to Western Fardelshufflestein to play against the team we beat 30-0 on mtchday 1. The Brown Bears were harder to beat this time and we won by a score of 13-0. The first quarter ended by a score of 0-0. Then, early in the 2nd quarter, the Nordiques were at the 12 yards line in Fardelshufflestein territory when Keyonte Roberts-Whitaker ran to the endzone for the touchdown and the score was 7-0. With no time left on the clock in the 2nd quarter, Terre Septentrionale made a 50 yards field goal and it was 10-0 at the halftime.

Late in the 3rd quarter, Western Fardelshufflestein started with the ball at their own 20 yards line and after a 1st down, they were at their own 32 yards line. On a 1st and 10, Liam Wright ran with the ball for 4 yards but fumbles the ball at the end of his run and it was recovered by Colton Novak-Reigelsperger at the 41 yard line in Western Fardelshufflestein territory. Nick Wrzuszczak is the one who forced the fumble. On a 1st and 10, Haylie Woo passed to Jennifer Killebrew for 26 yards. The ball was on the 15 yards line. Montavious McBryde had two runs, one for 3 yards and one for no gain. On a 3rd and 7, Haylie Woo made an incomplete pass and Terre Septentrionale had to bring the field goal unit. Nick DeLuca's 29 yards kick was good and the score was 13-0 Reprezentacja Nordycki and it was the final score.

BOXSCORE

1ST QUARTER
No score

2ND QUARTER
12:24 - Touchdown by Keyonte Roberts-Whitaker (12 yards run). Extra point by Nick DeLuca.
0:00 - Field Goal by Nick DeLuca (50 yards).

3RD QUARTER
3:29 - Field Goal by Nick DeLuca (29 yards).

4TH QUARTER
No score

Still 1st, HUElavia is our next opponent

With this win and Vangaziland's win against Alba and Cymru, Terre Septentrionale is still first in the standings with 5 wins in 6 games, tied with Vangaziland but since we beat them, we have the tie break. Banija isn't far behind with 4 wins in 6 games. They avenged their matchday 1 loss against HUElavia by beating them 33-21. Our next opponent is HUElavia and we'll rewcieve them at Stadion Vjekoslav Špoljarić in the coastal town of Kukljica. Kukljica is the capital city of the township of Dalmatia, which is bordered on the east by the township of Texas which has a significant minority of spanish speaking people. Sheldrick Ferguson-McCloud injured his leg against Western Fardelshufflestein and will be out for 2-3 weeks. Kentre'vious McCullum will replace him as the 2nd wide receiver and Louis-Philip Laframboise-Deschamps will be the wide receiver #3. DeShawn Lewis-Harris is probable against HUElavia with a minor injury.

Karine Gingras,
your new football writer,
La tribune Septentrionale

[Sarzonia]

The friendly may have been arranged by former Sarzonia national gridball team coach Tim Gates, but Les Steckhall welcomed the opportunity to try out different combinations, including starting backup quarterback Mike Barnett against a Delaclava team that was also returning to the world gridball stage after an absence.

While the Stars struggled in the first half of qualifying to the tune of a 1-4 record and have compiled some heavy losses, some analysts pointed out that Group F is a so-called group of death. The Stars earned a home victory over the second highest ranked team in the group and were relatively competitive with Torisakia in an away loss, but also lost a blowout to fellow unranked side Kohnhead.

They were shut out and dominated by world No. 1 and defending World Bowl champions Free Republics, but an unranked team playing a superpower of a team would be extremely unlikely to win a result against such a team even given normal circumstances. Add to that the political ramifications of the matchup and you have interesting theatre.

Barnett came out attempting to stay with the running game, but running back Ty'Relle Clinton suffered a sprained ankle on his fourth carry and had to be helped off the pitch. Steckhall said Clinton was fine and would have been able to play if the match counted. However, the Stars couldn't get anything going on the ground, rushing for minus-nine yards on 16 carries with the top two running backs. They also fumbled five times and saw two of them returned for touchdowns.

Barnett threw two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns, and a blocked field goal attempt from reserve kicker Erik Abrams resulted in another touchdown. The defence wasn't much better and the Stars stunk up Royster Field in an embarrassing 67-13 loss.

"The less I think about it, the better," Steckhall said.

The Stars would play a much more competitive match against Torisakia, losing 19-9, but the real drama centred on whether the team would even get on the plane to fly to Free Republics.

Senior Vice President for External Affairs Bryan Conway announced that all flights from federally controlled airports to Free Republics were suspended except for "urgent activities," which Conway specifically indicated did not include gridball.

The team still gathered at the Woodstock International Jetport, which is under City of Woodstock jurisdiction and is not subject to federal control.

Conway said he contacted Woodstock Mayor Claudia Alta and "directed her to abide by the prohibition" against travel to Free Republics.

However, Alta announced that the flight to Free Republics would take off as scheduled.

"We advised External Affairs that we, the Woodstock International Jetport Air Travel Authority, the City Council and I personally that we have agreed to allow the gridball team to travel to Free Republics for their scheduled fixture.

"We advised the External Affairs Department and I made clear to President Haffner personally that I would comply with any reasonable directive from External Affairs," Alta said, slowing down and adding an edge to her voice as she emphasised the word reasonable.

"In my judgment, forbidding a gridball team from playing in a country we're not at war with doesn't qualify as a 'reasonable' directive," she added. When asked if she told Haffner that, she said aides at her private residence could hear both her and Haffner shouting at each other from the west wing.

As for Steckhall, he addressed the team briefly while the aircraft taxied on the runway in Woodstock.

"Okay, team, once we get off the plane, we go straight to the hotel, then it's only to the practice field, the stadium, then directly back to the airport. We clear on this?"

The team murmured its ascent as the fasten seatbelts sign illuminated and the telltale ding sounded. Steckhall didn't know what the future of Sarz-Free Republics relations would be and he didn't care whether Alta decided to open a campaign for President. Right now, his mind was elsewhere.

[Jeckland]

OOC: YOU SHOULD READ THE WHOLE RP BEFORE CLICKING ON THE LINK WITHIN IT. Trust me, it makes it better.

OOC: Anything written in quotation marks and bolded is from Saint Kanye's RP, with the following non bolded text in quotation marks from an online generator.

Technology has come a long way in recent years. Artificial Intelligence has taken over many tasks which humans used to do. But can it write like a human? Can it tell a story? Let's test that out...

Seriously? We're 4-2 in our debut World Bowl, we've just beaten Saint Kanye away, and this series is generating the most hits on the site? Whilst I wish the state of gridiron in this country was better, I suppose I should be glad of any attention it gets at all, particularly since this is good for my career. I'm Ibbie Pemberton, and this is the series (apparently this is a series now) where we look at World Bowl reports from other nations and complete them using computers. Today is the turn again of a report from Saint Kanye. Whilst the match report from The Kardashia Kibitzer has not been published at the time of writing, we will instead use a more happy one for the Yeezys, courtesy of their 20-0 victory over group whipping boys Silver Beach.

Let's start with the only mention of Jeckland in the article, because that makes it that bit more interesting. It also details the start of Saint Kanye's run - can the computer tell us what happened next?

"It had been a good start to the St. Kanye Surge national gridiron team's World Bowl XXXIX campaign, as they got back to back wins against the Jeckland Spuds, 24-12, and the team from Lisander, 20-15.. They also picked up the win in their home opener against the Michigan Spuds, 20-15. They would have scored in that contest had it not been for an interception by the team from Springfield, 15-13.

These 'Michigan' bastards stole our nickname! I don't know what country Michigan is, but they can kiss my arse! Everyone knows the Spud is an animal only native to Jeckland, so why the hell would they name themselves that? Unless they were talking about mashed potato, which is stupid. I'm glad Saint Kanye beat them. Springfield seem like arseholes too, making an interception in a game they weren't even involved in. I'm not sure what 15-13 is, perhaps a bible verse given that the country is called Saint Kanye.

"The team will have a chance to play again during the national season's final round on the road against the University of Minnesota, who beat the Spuds in the national semifinals."

This seems to imply that Saint Kanye is in some kind of national university final, against Minnesota. I don't know if that's a country or a university, but apparently it doesn't matter anyway. Either way, it looks like those thieving Michigan 'Spuds' were beaten in the semifinals of this tournament, so that's good.

"The game will be played on Friday, January 12, at 8:00 PM CST. For more information on how to watch the St. Kanye Surge national football game, please click here."

AAAAAH! THE BOT HAS BECOME WORSE THAN SENTIENT... CAPITALIST!

Jokes aside, this is strange. I don't know what the dates and times are relative to their calendar, but that could feasibly be when the Jeckland game was here. The link, however, sends me to a lovely little song and not a live stream. Perhaps this is a gridiron song in Saint Kanye, but it seems far too pop like. Perhaps we'll never know.

Fuck it, I've got time. Let's do a review of this thing.

I starts with a lovely drum kick, before bringing in a cheery sounding beat of a decent tempo. In the video, the performer can be seen doing a little shimmy happily before the song itself starts, setting the tone for the performance to follow. The song begins with a short verse, in which the singer affirms his love for the subject, presumably a romantic interest with whom he is in a relationship. In the bridge, he builds the listener up, explaining he is revealing his feelings to this interest. The chorus is repetitively catchy, where the singer makes numerous claims of commitment towards his love interest. Whilst there isn't a great depth of lyricism throughout the song, it doesn't need it - it's a simple, catchy, upbeat kind of song. It does what it sets out to do, and does it well. I'll probably find myself singing it in the shower tomorrow morning.

Anyway, that's one of the least sports related articles you'll ever see in the sports section, but the fact that so many people like these doesn't really make much sense to me anyway, so why not? Thanks for reading.

Watch.