Cup of Harmony 77 - everything thread

[Krytenia]

GENERAL ELECTION - Coverage, Part I

David Hughes: It's five minutes to ten on what could be the most exciting night ever in Krytenian politics. Welcome to KBS's through the night General Election coverage.

<roll credits> (OOC: well of course we're using the BBC theme. It's like the Psephologist's National Anthem)

David Hughes: We're gearing up for coverage throughout the night, but you still have a few minutes to go and vote. Until then, the results of our exit poll remain sealed in this envelope. Helping me through tonight we have a crack team of electoral experts and intrepid interviewers to guide us through. First, there's political editor Louise Candara, who'll be on the pulse with all the latest goings on at the campaign headquarters for each of the parties. Joining her is technology editor Stephen Scobie, who's scouring the depths of Chirper and Twii.tur for the hottest takes and the latest scoops.

Our analysis team is led by Emma Chamberlain, who's at the videowall with in-depth analysis of individual results.

Emma Chamberlain: We'll have all the predictions, results and movements from all 575 seats loading into this board so we can see on the ground what's happening. From South West Rutia to Port Victoria, we'll be able to crunch the numbers at ludicrous speed and give you the stories behind the data.

David Hughes: Up in the crows' nest we have Neil Anderssen, who'll be questioning those who are up, down, or working out which side they're on. And we have cameras at all the places you'd expect. We're in St Lawrence with the PM defending his Wall Vale seat, at the Emberton Convention Centre where there are twenty-seven counts, including Marcus Corrello at Castle Hill, with the Conservatives in Quinneth, the MNP in Tyfield, the Greens in Aigburth, and up in the mountains with Nicole Deschamps in Valque. Finally, we have the Green Room - the virtual world of Peter Nagy and his road to Portland House.

Peter Nagy: Yes, we have here laid out the seat plan. Can anyone get past the halfway mark and form a new government? Stay tuned!

David Hughes: and as the clock ticks down, we're almost ready to reveal the results of our exit poll, with over forty thousand polled at stations the length and breadth of the country, asked as they left the polls, and here is what they said:

<BONG!>

Our poll predicts the Reform Party will be the largest party, but will likely be just short of an overall majority. Here's the seat breakdown:

The Reform Party are predicted to have 279 seats, just nine short of an overall majority. The Conservatives will remain in opposition, with around a dozen seats fewer than last time, whist the Socialists and MNP are both well up. The Krytenian Democrats, though, the winning party at the last election, are expected to win just eleven seats this time out. Louise?

Louise Candara: All through this campaign, we've wondered what impact the Reform-Democrat split will have and this is an emphatic result for the Prime Minister, even though he's not guaranteed a majority. There are radical proposals on the table, some the Conservatives like, some the Socialists like, and it will be interesting to see how things will progress going forward. Of course there's margin for error, but if this exit poll is even close to right, I think Mr Linton will be able to govern in the short term at least.

to be continued...

[Oberour Ar Moro]

New Game is a sports blog headquartered in a skyscraper in Regium. It has one of those open floor plans that will eventually make every worker want to scream for a wall. You can see all the way across the floor, and Alix Pasquiou could see Venec de Grant-Moulin typing away behind a stack of books.

Oh no, he brought books from home, didn’t he?

Pasquiou steeled himself and marched over to his head football writer. “Do you have a second Venec?” The writer stopped his typing and looked up. “Of course, chief. What’s up?”

Alix Pasquiou is the editor of New Game, and has responsibility for the output of the site. And de Grant-Moulin’s output. His difficult output.

Alix started looking at the books on Venec’s desk. “So what are you planning with these?” he asked.

Venec leaned back on his chair and started picking up books. “I was thinking about utilizing some history, some literature when I write about the Cup of Harmony.”

“And these are yours, huh? A...biography of the urban planner Raphael de la Mare...a science fiction novel about humanity building a human habitat in space...the movie novelization of the occult detective story Elagabalus...the strategy guide for the video game Nationstatebound.” Right. Alix sat the books back down.

“Venec, many people enjoy your writing, but is it possible that you could focus more on the actual football being played.”

Venec looked honestly surprised. “What do you mean?”

Alix rubbed the back of his head before speaking. “Your writing on the qualifying matches was cerebral - and I liked it! But it was really light on actual football. Like who scored goals, or made passes, or got yellow cards, and the like. I’m asking you to just write about the games for the Cup of Harmony.”

“Just describe the games?”

“Yes. And just focus on players and coaches and the upcoming matches in the preview.”

Venec stared up at his editor. “Fine.” He shrugged and picked up his books to put them in his messenger bag. “I will write about the games and the players and the goals.”

Alix was surprised by how easy this discussion had been, though he could recognize that he was being humored. “Just for the cup, and you can go back to something closer to your regular style once it’s over.”

Venec nodded and put on his headphones, and very obviously started holding down his backspace key with a single finger, while slowly turning his head to Alix. Alix noted the passive aggression, awkwardly gave his writer a thumbs-up and turned quickly to return to his desk. He wondered what Alix would turn in.

---

New Game's Preview Of The Oberour Ar Moro National Team
Who will make the difference between victory and defeat?

By Venec de Grant-Moulin

The players and coaches and staff of the Oberour Ar Moro national football team have already flown to their new temporary home in Kelssek, as one of sixty teams to participate in Cup of Harmony 77.

After four games over five matchdays, the top two teams in each of the twelve groups, and the best eight third-place teams will move on to the Group of 32, before being winnowed down to Cup of Harmony champion: The best of the best of the rest.

But who are these, your new Dragoons? Who are the three coaches and twenty-three players that must ready themselves to face off against variegated competition? Here are some of the Oberours that are chomping on the bit and ready to push on.


Gilduin Roux, Manager

It is interesting to consider how Gilduin Roux’s public impression has changed from right before his announcement as national team manager to now, with all the vicissitudes in between. His original persona was heavily tied to Patrons, his football system team. Domineering, flashy, yet reactive and always in second place. Then came World Cup qualifying, and after Oberour Ar Moro’s loss to Riena he looked like an utter failure, a coach in over his head that was on his death bed. Had any man fallen so far? But when you come to today, he’s probably one of the most respected men in Oberour football. A man who reflected the nation’s disappointment but kept his head and worked in accord with his players to steady his ship. A few short months ago there were petitions to fire him during qualifying, now there are petitions for him to get a new contract from the Football Management Committee. He’s already committed to taking time off after this job before seeking a new football system job. But the impression he gives could change over the next four games. They’ve changed before.


Laurens Desainctvictori, Goalkeeper

The 30-year-old has never had his job as starting goalkeeper for the Dragoons challenged, and it’s hard to imagine it. Just how important is he to the team? Manager Roux announced he would be wearing the captain’s armband during the Cup of Harmony. Heady stuff for an Oberour defender. His sturdy and steady work between the sticks will hopefully extend throughout the roster.


Taran Bele, Striker

Taran emerged as a striker in the Di Bradini Cup, and then made his way onto the national team roster, and has now managed to displace Kerrian Odierne at striker completely. At his best Bele can be the man for the occasion and score for fun, but he can disappear for stretches. The hope is that he’s a young man about to put everything together. If he can do that in the Cup of Harmony, all the better.


Laou de Sablonneieres, Right Midfielder

Laou de Sablonneieres was buried in the player pool for Oberour Ar Moro's last qualification attempt but today finds himself starting at right midfield. No midfielder has ever really been able to sink his teeth into the job at the national team level. Laou, being 23, has a chance to make the job his for years to come. Or he could find himself in the same boat as Ruvonig Bouclier de Fer or Brevalan Gaspard: A player who just didn’t have that ineffable something needed for a long national team career.


Marzhin Petit, Sweeper

Sweeper is the definitive Oberour football position, and Petit plays it exactly how you'd hope a sweeper would. He covers the pitch in its entirety, he's involved on defense, he brings the ball up the pitch, he's there around the goal to score or assist. He’s a sharp player, cold on the field, and fearless in his challenges.

These five figures could be key for the first match for Oberour Ar Moro against Tiemnational van Fuutbol De Bondsaari, The Sarian national football team. The Sarian finished with an 11-4-9 record during qualifying, good enough for 7th in Group 3. They play a defensive 4-4-1-1, which should be an interesting counterpoint to the Dragoon’s offense in the forthcoming game at the Waterfront Dome in Kirkenes.

[Kohnhead]

Kohnhead prepares for opening COH match



Kohnhead has been drawn into group 5 with
Alba and Cymru Rank: 125
Flavovespia Rank: 66
New Lusitania Rank: 40
Kohnhead Rank: 102
Eastfield Lodge Rank: 74

Their first match will be against New Luisitania the heavy favorites to win the group. They are coming off of a third place finish in group 1 with 48 points. 48 points would have been a win (three points) ahead of our group 2 second place which was Drawkland at 45. Daniel Jota has been there main attacker in the World Cup notching double digit goals and almost reached the 15 mark. Jota anchored a very powerful New Luisitania attack but the defense did not perform as well, so look for us to take advantage of this. During qualifiers they were sending out a 3-5-2 which is probably why the defense did not perform as well.

On the other side I'm worried about our defense specifically the play of Newcastle and Callie Porsha. Newcastle had a streak of like one goal allowed in his first four games back from injury, yet allowed Maccian to score five goals in two hours during the BOF. Porsha filling in for Corton has some upside but has consistency issues and has not yet proven herself at the highest level.

The game will take place at the Stadium of the Stars in Ulyanof, Kelssek with a capacity of almost 45,000. While Kohnhead fans were known to sell out home games during the qualifiers the BOF showed us that we were constantly outnumbered at neutral site venues. Maybe with the improved play in qualifying that will change, but I'm a bit doubtful. The team does tend to play well in front of their fans and this could lead to struggles here.

Overall this is a very tough opening match as New Luisitania is ranked 40th in the world and are the favorites to win the group. Despite this an upset would really prove that Kohnhead can do this. I hope we manage to pull off the upset and continue to show why Kohnhead can become a football/soccer powerhouse.

[Astograth]

The last full technical meeting before departing for Zwangzug was held at the conference room of Astograth’s Miotako training ground in eastern Rumiatzi. Manager Louis Vaudrail had blocked off an entire working day for it and summoned all hands on deck. He had demanded extensive and intensive review and preparation for Cup of Harmony 77, and it was time to see what his staff had prepared ahead of the tournament.

Vaudrail pointed at Bayarte Ochart, one of his data analysis aides. “Historical context!”

Twenty heads turned to look, and the young man squirmed in his padded chair. “Uh, well. For prior meetings, nothing. We’ve never played anyone else in the group.”

Vaudrail waved his hand in frustration. “Yes, yes, obviously. But the rest!”

Ochart nodded. “The rest.” What were even the chances they’d be playing anyone else? Just in their own group they were clearly outclassed by Port Ember and Poafmersia, and quite even with Torisakia and Huayramarca. “Well, out of the teams playing in Zwangzug, there’s obviously Jeckland, whom we’ve just played, then Cheergirls, Darmen, Electrum, Barunia, Valladares and Newmanistan. Of these, Electrum are the most recent: two losses, both two-nil, in World Cup 79 qualifying. You’ll recall that team featured Narke, Doyenard and Anzizar, who are still fixtures in our defence. Darmen we’ve played six times, the most recent at Copa Rushmori 27, with a 2-3-1 record. Valladares last at Copa Rushmori 18, with a 0-2-2 record. Cheergirls two wins during World Cup 60 qualifying, and Barunia one loss at Cup of Harmony 58, in Falcus… Falkyr now, I guess. Newmanistan one loss in one meeting as well, at Cup of Harmony 47.”

“On the Kelssek side… we’ve now played EOT, New Lusitania and TJUN-ia, obviously, but there’s also Krytenia, the Blouman Empire, Filindostan, Kandorith, Delaclava, Eastfield Lodge and Jeruselem. Of these, the most recent is Filindostan, who beat us home and away in World Cup 83 qualifying – but then who didn’t, right?” No one laughed. “Before, it was Jeruselem, who knocked us out of the World Cup 68 playoffs; our full record against them is 2-1-3. The Blouman Empire beat us at World Cup 67, of course, and before that we traded a win and a loss during World Cup 66 qualifying. Which we didn’t qualify for. Kandorith we’ve only played once for one loss, at our Baptism of Fire. Likewise Delaclava, whom we’ve only faced once in a friendly during qualifying for World Cup 55, which they hosted. Eastfield Lodge were, of course, our very first opponent, but the last time we’ve played was at Cup of Harmony 50. Auspicious, if you ask me, even if that was our only win against three losses.”

“And Krytenia… Krytenia knocked us out of World Cup 59, on that infamous night in Northbrook, and we’ve never played them before or since. We did beat Sargossa that World Cup, though.”

Vaudrail frowned. “Are Sargossa in the Cup of Harmony?”

“Uh, no.”

“Then why do you bring this up?”

“Just tradition.”

Vaudrail’s frown grew deeper still. So many years in Astograth and some things still baffled him. You’d think they’d show more respect for a country that produced such First Division legends as Defederico, Ferreyra and Martinuccio. “All right. Overall, what is our record against all of these?”

Ochart swallowed. “11 wins, 9 draws… and 22 losses. But you have to bear in mind nearly all of these matches are… well, ancient, really. The only ones that should really count are the ones against Filindostan, Electrum, and our qualifying group from just now – that puts us at 2-2-6. Which still looks bad, but less so, I think.”

“Very well,” said Vaudrail, rubbing his eyes. “What can you tell us about the opposition that’s actually in our group?”

“Port Ember, our first opponents, finished 3rd in group 8, with 45 points, behind The Holy Empire and just one point lower than Ko-oren. Ranked 36, strong contender for the title. Then Huayramarca, who didn’t undergo the Baptism of Fire and jumped straight into qualifying group 7, finishing a respectable 7th with 32 points. This was a tough group, which featured Nephara and Sarzonia qualifying while Jeruselem, Darmen and Delaclava join Huayra in the Cup of Harmony.

After that we play Torisakia, who were 4th in group 2 with 43 points; the Squornshelan Remnant States beating them to 3rd on goal difference. The Hinodejin Empire and Drawkland qualified out of that group. Lastly Poafmersia, who were 5th in group 15 behind Brenecia, Reçueçn, Quebec and Filindostan, ending on 45 points. Huayramarca are notable outliers, but the rest is quite even if we go by qualifying results alone.”

“We won’t, is the point of this meeting,” stated Vaudrail sternly. “Now video analysis, what can you tell us about the group?”

Imanol Ezebere, head video analyst, poked his head down the table. “Sir, do you want the overview, or the details? I’ve brought several videos, too.”

Proactivity! Proactivity and thoroughness. This is what Vaudrail liked to see. “Just the overview for now, we’ll get to the clips later.”

Preparing for the possibility of a Cup of Harmony – or even World Cup – qualification from day 1, Vaudrail had demanded that the FAF finance detailed analysis of every qualifying match. This way, no matter who they faced or at what stage, they would have a wealth of data to fall back on. The problem was, the World Cup 85 qualifiers comprised no more and no less than 2,340 matches. That was 3,510 hours of video, nearly 5 months’ worth of nonstop 24-hour football. To boot, fully analysing a match to Vaudrail’s specifications required 4 hours for every single bout. This was far beyond the capabilities of the team’s staff, and the federation refused the funding to outsource… until Astograth beat Audioslavia.

With growing confidence in their manager, the FAF finally paid up. At great expense, they contracted with local IT giants Astek to set up an analysis operation out of one of their development centers in Antiguoko, and the results were finally in.

“I’ll go in the order we’ll play them like Bayarte did, sir. First Port Ember, the top seed. You’ll have noticed they play quite an ‘aggressive counter-attacking’ 4-4-2, which seeks to lure the opponents high up before pressing hard, winning the ball and moving it up quickly to take advantage. Logically, one would assume that the way to counter this would be to sit back and make them look for the goal without their counter-attacking shenanigans. However, based on the data, I believe this would be a mistake.

To illustrate this, let’s compare Tequilo and the Holy Empire, on one hand: both very attacking-minded teams. On the other, Cheergirls and Ko-oren, very much the opposite; extremely defensive. We can go to the videos for this later, but Tequilo managed a draw against the much more fancied Port Ember, while the Holy Empire absolutely tore them apart – their 7-3 away win has pointed out the flaws in the Port Emberian system like nothing else. Meanwhile, although Cheergirls did manage a 1-1 draw, the higher-ranked Ko-oren simply could not beat Port Ember across their two matches. I believe the best we can do is to draw from the Holy Empire’s playbook and meet them head on, though it must be noted that Port Ember have certainly taken note of that match and will have compensated for it since then. Any points would be valuable against them.

Next Huayramarca, who present a more balanced, mildly attacking playing style. Their 4-2-3-1 is called ‘el huayco’, which apparently means ‘mudslide’ – I guess everyone needs to name their formations nowadays. They’re rather cagey about what exactly this means, but in practice it’s a high press with high-speed attack. One of its main aims is to force the opposition into exhausting itself, especially when Huayramarca play at home due to the extreme altitudes and climates that their players are used to. We can look at their 2-2 home draw with Nephara or their 3-2 win over Jeruselem to see ‘el huayco’ in action. Overall, their campaign was quite irregular whether away or at home, but I believe that, playing in Zwangzug, we can be smart and tire their players out instead. If we lay back on our side of the pitch and stick to short passes, I believe we can effectively conserve our energy for the second half while they try to keep up the high press. This is a must win.

Then there’s Torisakia, another quite attacking side mainly fielding a 4-4-2. We’ll meet them after our bye day, while they’ll have played three matches in a row. Their 3-3 away draw against the Hinodejin and 5-4 win over the SRS shows what they’re capable of. A dangerous side, often underestimed. Their strikers Kelso and Kallian are their greatest asset in our estimation. I believe we can use Lekea and Gurina in defensive midfield to move into the channel between their centre midfield and forwards to cut off and isolate their attack. We could potentially replace Gurina with one of the centre-backs, such as Doyenard, if we need an anchor man, or shift to 3 centre-backs and push the full-backs further up if we feel they’re getting in through the flanks. In our opinion, also a must win.

Lastly, there’s Poafmersia. Not as attacking as Torisakia or Port Ember, but still aggressive. They’ve favoured 4-3-3 and 3-4-3 formations over these qualifiers; thankfully neither has a clever name. This team is extremely dangerous - you’ll remember they shocked the world by beating Brenecia 3-2 away on the first matchday of qualifying. They play very well away from home, so a neutral ground is not any advantage against them like it is against Huayramarca. Their playing style is somewhat similar to that of Port Ember, in that it lures in the opposition before launching fast counter-attacks; they don’t rely on possession. Unlike Port Ember, however, there’s no conclusive data on the best approach to them; they’ve thwarted defensive teams like Reçueçn, attacking teams like Brenecia and reckless teams like Quebec all the same. This will perhaps be the hardest match of the group, but being the last we’ll have significant additional data to go on. A draw would be a fine result, but we really need the win if we want to aim for second.”

Vaudrail was pleased. “That’s all very thorough, Imanol. Thank you.” He turned back to Ochart. “It’s just occurred to me, Bayarte – you didn’t mention the Lopez Principle.”

“I’ll- the Lopez Principle, sir?”

“The Lopez Principle.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

Vaudrail raised his eyebrows. “You don’t know the Lopez Principle?” he uttered, as if Ochart had never heard of gravity or fluid time. He looked around the table to find more puzzled faces. “Goodness, they don’t teach you anything in this country. Look-”

“The Lopez Principle, sir, of course.”

Vaudrail looked up from the paper where he was already drawing a chart. Landerra Lazaga, the researcher who’d been following them all through this World Cup, had spoken up from the very back of the conference room. Of course she’d be the smart one.

“Ms. Lazaga, thank you. Could you explain it, please? I can’t believe you people work in data analysis and don’t know this.”

Lazaga wasn’t so convinced this was common knowledge – she’d only come across it in old World Cup history books. And even then, only in some, only in footnotes. “The Lopez Principle suggests that, while the strength of a nation's football team and the strength of their domestic leagues might be positively correlated in some cases, their correlation is sometimes nonpositive. Which is to say, that the best national teams will often have poor domestic leagues, and vice versa.”

“I’m sorry,” butted in Ochart, “but that sounds like nonsense. Valanora have always had a strong league. Nephara are always title contenders. Eura. Vilita, Farfadillis, Banija; not the ‘best’ leagues but up there.”

“Cassadaigua,” said Vaudrail.

“What?”

“What about Cassadaigua?” he repeated. “Or Starblaydia. Or the Holy Empire, or Baker Park. When was the last time you heard about the league of Port Ember? How high is the Valladares national team ranked?”

Ochart stammered, Vaudrail hammered: “That, my friend, is the Lopez Principle.”

[Eraman]

CHAPTER 17
THE PREPARATION

Eraman's journey to Kelssek includes a layover in South Newlandia, their sparring partner before the Cup of Harmony starts. The two teams have faced each other in the qualifying campaign in which Eraman won once and drew once.

Tun Sengalang Petara agreed to be the sparring partner for South Newlandia who is also competing in the Cup of Harmony because he wanted to rectify their performance on the road, which has been awful.

It's the third time Eraman and South Newlandia faced each other in a short period and the much more match fit Eraman ensured that they are still undefeated against South Newlandia.

Eraman started aggressively and led 3-0 with goals from Kilat Saputra, Kudrat Saputra and Mano Bosa before the match even reached 30 minutes. With the match in the bag, Tun Sengalang Petara made 11 changes to the team at half time, introducing a whole new team before the second half started.

The second team doesn't look up for it and nearly handed South Newlandia a comeback. By the 71st minute, South Newlandia has scored 2 goals to close the gap to 1 goal.

A few minutes before the match ended, Era Hitam ensured that Eraman was victorious in South Newlandia. The match ended with Eraman winning by 4 goals to 2.

The win is a much-needed boost for Eraman as they left for Kelssek to play their first match in the Cup of Harmony against Sharktail who is currently on 6 matches winning streak.

[Eastfield Lodge]

Eastfield Lodge Roster for Cup of Harmony 77

Demonym: Eastfielder

The Imperial Commonwealth of Eastfield Lodge is a vast conglomerate of nations and states that resides almost entirely in a separate dimension to the reality you all know and love - a bubble universe would be an apt description (the why is a long story, involving the Dreamed Realm and a threat to the existence of the entire universe). The one bit of the country that lies in the regular dimension is a tiny island in the northern seas of the famous sporting region Rushmore, which serves as a transport hub for travel across the region by conventional transport, and for travel to the Imperial Commonwealth via something called a Void Ship (think of it like travelling through a well controlled wormhole).

The history of the country is long and complex, but the key overview is that it is a very socialist Muslim constitutional monarchy, with a noted reputation as being one of the nicest places to visit in the entirety of the known multiverse - the most recent WA census puts the Imperial Commonwealth in the top 100 nations in several measures such as Safety, Compliance/freedom from crime, Tourism, Weather, Compassion, Niceness and Environmental Beauty, amongst several others; most of which are also ranked as the best in the Rushmore region. Because of the initial portal, the nation advanced forwards in leaps and bounds technologically due to intermingling with denizens of another dimension, various alien races from the universe in which the popular RLStates TV show Doctor Who is situated. Whilst these aliens used to take part in life in the Imperial Commonwealth, even forming the Eastfielder National Team for a number of tournaments, they no longer exist in this bubble universe, due to a dimensional shift no longer aligning the two dimensions - for now, Eastfield Lodge only contains those beings that you find elsewhere in the NS multiverse.

Whilst we are a fairly chill nation, we are still fairly socially conservative, and there are plenty of special rules visitors need to be aware of:

• No Alcohol. At all.
• No smoking or recreational drugs at all. Visiting team members/fans will be given replacement/cessation therapy if struggling to cope.
• No public displays of affection. What you get up to in the privacy of your own hotel room is up to you, as long as it stays there.
• There isn't a legally enforced dress code, but at least dress respectfully, the locals will appreciate you.
• Cities are by and large car-free zones; make use of the extensive public transport system.
• Don't worry about a language barrier, there is an inbuilt telepathic translation circuit within the visas that you will be issued - it translates all speech and text into a language you understand instantaneously.
• No unhealthy junk food will be available, the country is too healthy for that. Also, the food will all be halal, but there is an extensive range of vegetarian/vegan options for those who insist.
• Ignore all the cameras and the police presence. They're for the safety of everyone.
• High-level technology pervades every aspect of society and life here, get used to it.

Lodger City Memorial Stadium
Location: New Lodger City
Capacity: 150,000
Description: The home of Eastfielder football, the stadium was built on the ruins of the old capital of Eastfield Lodge, Lodger City, which was flattened in a double disaster (severe floods from dams bursting and an explosion from an unknown source, killing much of the population of the city and rendering the city useless. Administrative functions were transferred over to Lodgertia, the city began to be rebuilt, and it was decided that this stadium would be one of the monuments erected in place. The inside walls contains inscriptions of the names of all the dead – just under 9 million. The stadium used to play host to the two classic giants of EL football – RGS Athletic and VLC FC - until both had their new stadiums finished; it is now only used for internationals and cup matches.

Parliament Stadium
Location: Lodgertia
Capacity: 80,000
Description: Formerly the second largest stadium in Eastfield Lodge (until King Iqbal II and Vorgan Park were completed), behind the Memorial Stadium in New Lodger City, it was built in the centre of Lodgertia, the capital of Eastfield Lodge, and the Imperial Commonwealth. It was named due to the fact that the Parliament is based just a few hundred metres down the road; in fact, the original stadium was actually joined to the Parliament building, as an area where MPs could watch or even engage in sport with the public, as well as being a designated protest site. However, with Lodgertia becoming more built up, it was decided that the stadium needed to be built up as well. It is home to Lodgertia United and Lodgertia City alongside being temporary hosts of RGS Athletic and VLC FC (when Lodger City was being rebuilt), and in the past has hosted several international matches, including the final of SBCC 27 and a group in both stages of Market Cup 4.

Tavernia Stadium
Location: Tavernia
Capacity: 65,921
Description: Currently the largest stadium outside of Eastfield Lodge itself, Tavernia Stadium sits near the heart of the city of Tavernia, in Westmeadow Tavern, the nation bordering Eastfield Lodge. WC85 will see the stadium's debut when it comes to hosting the Eastfield Lodge National Team, but it is no stranger to WC football though - it was the home ground for Westmeadow Tavern when they had their own international football team in the earlier years of the Imperial Commonwealth. It is also home to the two best teams in Westmeadow Tavern, with FC Tavernia and Tavernia City plying their trade here.

Schedule:
Lodger City Memorial Stadium: MD5 - Taeshan, MD12 - South Covello, MD15 - Main Nation Ministry, MD26 - Melbergia
Parliament Stadium: MD1 - Freeport, MD19 - North Quadana, MD21 - Flavovespia, MD24 - West Pocono
Tavernia Stadium: MD3 - The Appraisal To The Allmighty MR TAYTO, MD7 - Maccian, MD10 - A Flock of Seagulls, MD17 - Sylestone

Interim Manager: Robert Andrews
Age: 52. The former national team striker, who had over a century of international appearances to his name during his career, was specifically recruited by a former Eastfielder manager, his old friend and ex-teammate Shabeen Ahmad III. Being the national team's assistant manager was his first major job in football since his playing retirement, but his ability to calmly analyse situations even under immense pressure has earned him some plaudits from those in the know, and as such allowed the ICELFA some confidence in appointing him as the interim manager for this Cup of Harmony, whilst they reconsider the direction of the team.

Player are listed higher are more likely to play – strongest starting XI listed in Tactics section

Goalkeepers           		Age  Gen  Club                       Notes
Jam'Aan Couch         		26    F   Marine Coast United (VIL)
Dana Hutchins                   30    F   Hellinic Rouge (PAS)
Thijn Persson         		29    M   Olympia FC

Defenders             		Age  Gen  1° Pos  Other Pos   Club                      Notes
Tajo Carr-Ponce       		33    M     CB                Olympia FC
Svante Whitfield                26    M     CB                Marque (BRE)
Vallois Mackenzie               32    M     CB                Royal Jam FC
Renato Hargreaves     		30    M     CB                Hellinic Rouge (PAS)
Wilfred Holding       		29    M     CB                Workers Union (EUR)
Isabell Vargas                  27    F     CB                Norrion Rovers
Mahdhoodha Gower                26    F     CB                Royal Jam FC
Jumaana Aas                     26    F     CB                VLC FC

Wingbacks           		Age  Gen  1° Pos  Other Pos   Club                      Notes
Elouan Elbaz			26    M     RB                RGS Athletic
Eskama Nagi           		33    F     RB                Hellinic Rouge (PAS)
Juliette Conneely               29    F     RB                Norrion Rovers
Trym Shan                       29    M     LB                Nile Bridge
Faustina Dad                    29    F     LB                Raynor City United (VAL)
Ulima Salam                     29    F     LB                RGS Athletic

Midfielders           		Age  Gen  1° Pos  Other Pos   Club                      Notes
Graziana Din          		30    F     CM                Hellinic Rouge (PAS)
Arjean Jeremiah-Dockson         30    F     CM                CA Paulinthal (PAS)
Sorel Qwivotic        		29    M     DM                Royal Jam FC
Kaha Jewell                     28    F     AM                Nile Bridge
Jennifer Farrow       		29    F     CM                Crawford City (COS)       Box-to-box midfielder
Lucas Stepanov                  29    M     AM                Olympia FC
Malenna von Kraus     		32    F   Utility             Royal Jam FC              Ex-NSI international

Wingers				Age  Gen  1° Pos  Other Pos   Club                      Notes
Jewell Foley                    26    F     RM                North Laithland (NPH)
Raquel Accardi			29    F     RM                AFC Treason (NPH)
Sébastien Brelsford             26    M     RM                Norrion Rovers
Faustina Cousin 		32    F     LM                RGS Athletic
Crimson LaRosso                 30    F     LM                Royal Jam FC              aka "Swift Curse", ex-WGPC driver, ex-Sunrisian
Charmine Berretti     		33    F     LW                Norrion Rovers

Strikers			Age  Gen  Other Pos  Club                     Notes
Azhaar Morales         		32    M              Stein-los Turkish (PAS)
Nya Murray            		29    F              Hellinic Rouge (PAS)
Zaaid Stepan			29    M              Olympia FC

Formation: 3-3-3-1


It's a new look defensive formation for Eastfield Lodge now, with the team moving to three at the back, but still retaining the rotating attack system - striker and three players in behind moving about to find space. The central defender of the back three has permission to advance forwards on attack, allowing the formation to switch from a 3-3-3-1 to a more balanced 4-2-3-1 or even 4-1-4-1 in attacks, whilst the wingbacks retain the same attacking freedom they had under the previous 4-1-2-3 system. In terms of goal scoring, the ST will get the bulk of the goals, with good contributions from the AM and both WFs as well. The WFs will get most of the assists, followed closely by the AMs, then the ST, DM and the wingbacks.

Captain: Tajo Carr-Ponce
Vice-Captains: Raquel Accardi, Jennifer Farrow
Penalties: Nya Murray, Azhaar Morales, Kahla Jewell, Faustina Cousin
Corners: Jewell Foley, Faustina Cousin, Trym Shan
Free kicks – shooting: Jewell Foley, Nya Murray, Raquel Accardi
Free kicks – other: Jewell Foley, Jennifer Farrow, Raquel Accardi

Style: +1
RP Permissions:
Select my scorers: Y
Give out yellow cards to my players: Y (maximum five, TG me with a reason for more)
Give out red cards to my players: Y (only one more than the number given to your team, maximum of three - i.e. I get two red cards, you must have at least one)
RP injuries to my players: Y (Maximum 3, no career-ending injuries without my explicit permission – I reserve right to how long players are out; you can RP how severe it looks)
Godmod injuries: Y (within some reason)
Godmod scoring events: Y (Have fun.)
Godmod other events: Y (TG me if you're planning on killing anybody though, or anything really extreme.)

If I do RP, I will include the line-up for the next match in my RP post, along with any suspensions/injuries. If there is no line-up, look through my posts and check for current suspensions/injuries, but otherwise it’s fine. Also, if you're RP'ing any part of my match, please use the full name Eastfield Lodge at least once, it helps me find the RP.

NB: As the people of EL are extremely compassionate, and very civilised (despite what you may say about the religion), it would be uncharacteristic for the coaches/players to lose their temper, dive deliberately (jumping out of the way of bad tackles and falling awkwardly doesn't count), to be sent to the stands (if the ref is clearly very biased however...), spit, argue with the ref or fight. Players will also tend to inform the referee about mistakes/clarifications in judgement regarding throw-ins, fouls given but with no contact and goal kicks/corner kicks (plus other bouts of honesty - up to you).

[Kelssek]

Note: Don't be scared if you're not in the tables - it's because you didn't play a match today.

Group 1
The Jovannic 2–1 Euran Oceania Territories
Tequilo 0–0 Mercedini

  Group 1                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 The Jovannic                1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
2 Mercedini                   1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
  Tequilo                     1   0  1  0    0   0   0    1
4 Euran Oceania Territories   1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

Group 2
Chromatika 4–3 Blouman Empire
Northwest Kalactin 1–2 Krytenia

  Group 2                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Chromatika                  1   1  0  0    4   3  +1    3
2 Krytenia                    1   1  0  0    2   1  +1    3
3 Blouman Empire              1   0  0  1    3   4  −1    0
4 Northwest Kalactin          1   0  0  1    1   2  −1    0

Group 3
The Sarian 3–2 Oberour Ar Moro
Squornshelous 6–2 Legalese

  Group 3                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Squornshelous               1   1  0  0    6   2  +4    3
2 The Sarian                  1   1  0  0    3   2  +1    3
3 Oberour Ar Moro             1   0  0  1    2   3  −1    0
4 Legalese                    1   0  0  1    2   6  −4    0

Group 4
Kandorith 6–5 Delaclava
Vdara 3–5 Maccian

  Group 4                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Maccian                     1   1  0  0    5   3  +2    3
2 Kandorith                   1   1  0  0    6   5  +1    3
3 Delaclava                   1   0  0  1    5   6  −1    0
4 Vdara                       1   0  0  1    3   5  −2    0

Group 5
Flavovespia 4–1 Eastfield Lodge
New Lusitania 0–1 Kohnhead

  Group 5                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Flavovespia                 1   1  0  0    4   1  +3    3
2 Kohnhead                    1   1  0  0    1   0  +1    3
3 New Lusitania               1   0  0  1    0   1  −1    0
4 Eastfield Lodge             1   0  0  1    1   4  −3    0

Group 6
Sharktail 5–5 Eraman
Jeruselem 0–2 TJUN-ia

  Group 6                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 TJUN-ia                     1   1  0  0    2   0  +2    3
2 Eraman                      1   0  1  0    5   5   0    1
  Sharktail                   1   0  1  0    5   5   0    1
4 Jeruselem                   1   0  0  1    0   2  −2    0

[South Covello]

Jonathan Lee Moneybags vs. Samuel Izmailov and Maria Polus

Comes now the plaintiff, Mister Jonathan Lee Moneybags, aka the King of Legalese, aka the Vilitan National Team of Suing, and files a lawsuit against Mr. Samuel Izmailov (also known as Mr. Izmailov, Future Consul Izmailov, Lord Almighty Izmailov, and Mister Make Republica Great Again) and Ms. Maria Polus (also known as Sister Polus, the Nun in Shining Armor, the Batty Nun, the Wicked Nun, the Singing Nun, and the Nude Nun) seeking a sum of 655 billion (655,000,000,000) liberos for their various crimes and massive evil supremely as described below.

Article the first: Defendants subjected me to nuclear testing. Mr. Izmailov and Ms. Polus traveled from the Free Republics to South Covello three months ago and, with their army of Izmailov soldiers, kidnapped me at gunpoint and proceeded to run me over with a tank to knock me unconscious. They then stuck me in a potato sack and brought me to an island off the coast of the Republic of Jolarus which the government of the Free Republics used for nuclear testing. They then dropped 500,000,000 million nuclear bombs on the island and exposed mme to massive radiation, from which I developed 625 forms of cancer. Defendants then proceeded to brutally beat me to a pulp and force feed me 600 smores a minute for six hours which they roasted the marshmallows on the fire from the nuclear warheads.

Article the second: Defendants used magic they stole from the Dreamed Realm to turn me into cheese. I was forced to live as a cheese for 18 (18) days and then they finally turned me back into human but proceeded to brutally beat me again and set me on fire, burning me at the pillory and set me on fire while celebrating Defendant the Izmailov’s wife’s birthday party, but refused to let me have any of the cake. Plaintiff seeks to force defendants to pay for their sins with their money.

Article the third: Defendants subjected me to microwave testing. Shortly after returning me to Couth Covello as outlined in article the first, defendants kidnapped me again, ran me over with three tanks, and stuck me in two potato sacks, and transported me to the Republic of Jolarus again. Thereafter, I was placed in a giant human-sized microwave oven and subjected to high levels of microwaves for 187 hours, during which time I was not allowed to eat or sleep. I suffered severe emotional trauma as a result of defendants’ actions, during which they played “Republica the Gem of the Oceans” on non-stop loop sped up so it was in an obnoxiously high pitched voice. I was forced to listen to this song as they would not allow me to wear earplugs to protect me from this menace.

Article the fourth: Sister Polus forced me to worship the Lord Almighty Jesus Christ non-stop for a period of 37 days and 11 hours without being allowed to eat or sleep, and threatened to burn me at the pillory if I resisted. When I finally fell asleep after this torture, I was locked in the pillory and set ablaze after Defendant the Izmailov doused me in gasoline and Sister the Polus used a flamethrower on me. I burned for 16 hours until the Republican fire brigade put me out by spraying me with massive jets of water on the orders of Lord Almighty Izmailov. Such a thing was morally and functionally equivalent to waterboarding and it subjected me to severe emotional and physical trauma as a result I was near death and nearly died.

Article the fifth: Samuel Izmailov ran me over with the entire Republican military arsenal of tanks, breaking 519 (five hundred nineteen) of my bones.

Article the sixth: Sister Polus prayed to God that I would become a nun.

Article the seventh: Samuel Izmailov wrote a letter to Scarlett Nicholls that referred to me as “Scarlet the Harlot’s Ambassador of Suing” and sang a slanderous duet with Sister Polus that referred to me as the “World Cup Champion of Suing”. These acts caused me to suffer Great Harm to My Public Reputation

Article the eighth: Samuel Izmailov attempted to buy me as a slave and force me to cook him grilled cheese.

Article the ninth: Samuel Izmailov dickapitated and castrated me.

Article the tenth: Samuel Izmailov ate my baby.

Article the eleventh: Samuel Izmailov beat my ass and turned me into a potato for 16 days.

In summary, Plaintiff the Me seeks 655,000,000,000 billion liberos from each defendant jointly and severally and requests that they be banned from entering South Covello for the remainder of their lives, forced to listen to the song “I’m a Little Teapot” on loop for the rest of their lives, and that the song be played at their graves upon their deaths.

From the Desk of Judge Mary Bland

The lawsuit by Mr. Moneybags is DISMISSED in its entirety as frivolous, vexatious, and patently absurd, and Mr. Moneybags is hereby fined 500 liberos for wasting the court’s time, with interest to accumulate if Mr. Moneybags does not pay within twenty-one (21) days. With interest, Mr. Moneybags now owes a total of 8,985,121.34 liberos for his numerous frivolous, vexatious, and absurd lawsuits. Under South Covellan law, 20% of any income Mr. Moneybags receives will be withheld until remuneration is complete, but as of the time of this order, Mr. Moneybags is unemployed so no forced withholding can take place until such time as he gets a job. This court strongly urges him to cease and desist from these actions at once. This court is upset by this set of facts and wishes there was more it could do about the frivolous lawsuits Mr. Moneybags is filing at record rates, but is doing the most it can under our laws to stop him.

[Euran Oceania Territories]

skorji.eot/theway
Part One
Part Two
Part Three



Skorji Oslograd Presents:
THE WAY OF THE WARRIOR

PART FOUR – CLAN OSLOGRAD

Good evening followers. Today, I’m going to break slightly from my usual format, so that I can tell you a rather important story for me. It’s a key bit of background to understanding The Way. Enjoy.

----------

Long ago, a lowly fisherman came in from another hard shift on the trawler. He stank of tuna. His filthy yellow coat still sweated seawater from the spray of the North Rushmori Ocean. A warm broth waited for him. Had waited for him. It had run cold, his miserable wife having made it and put it out hours ago. He was late again. Life was hard.

The name of that fisherman? Albert Einstein Rasmus Sundström Oslograd. His wife was Charlotte Oslograd (nee Williams), and believe it or not, they are the reason I am here today. That’s right. Rasmus and Charlotte were my parents.

The pair met many years ago, when the glorious Euran motherland was starting to spread its wings in the world, but some time before we entered the World Cup for example. Charlotte Williams was a quiet young woman from Bastion who had studied geography at university in Rivet, up in Sameba, only to be deported during the last Endemian War (not the recent one, the one protested by all the hippies which Ben Randall fought in. Watch a documentary, I’m not a history teacher.)

Charlotte decided home wasn’t where the heart is and went travelling to “discover herself” and “grow”. She would tell me all about it when I was a boy, how she sailed and flew the multiverse – from the gritty tattoo parlour of a nation that is Nephara to the far off cities of Erathore. She ended up in Atlantian Oceania, stretching her meagre means by taking up minor bar jobs and crashing around strangers houses rather than paying for accommodation. She didn’t go into detail on that, but for some reason they were all men. Weird!

It was in a little hovel of a pub called The Shephard’s Delight that she met a delightful Polarian, Rasmus. He was a bit older and very ambitious. “I own my own business and I’m gonna’ rule the world!” he said, with unwavering confidence. Rasmus left quite the strong impression on Charlotte. After a few drinks they made their way back to a hotel, and engaged in an act of love unrivalled in its romance, their intertwined bodies becoming one under the heartwarming glow of a flickering bar lamp and a damp ceiling. Come to think of it, they never did say whether it was a good hotel. Anyway, point is, Rasmus and Charlotte canoodled, and before they knew it, she was pregnant.

Understandably Charlotte panicked when she got home to Bastion and realised what had happened a few weeks later. Unsupported by my grandparents, she jetted off to Polar Islandstates (later to become the Valhallan Union) to find what I believe the youngsters now call her “baby daddy”. There she found Rasmus in his home town of Axel Heiburg. He lived in a small house with his parents, and that business he owned was a small fishing boat with fourteen holes in the bow alone. He was delighted. She was less so. Still, she figured they might as well make a go of it. Nine months later, I was born. Skorji Charles Oslograd.

For several years they settled down together, moving into another shitty fisherman’s hut somewhere just down the coast with a little room for baby me. Soon the flowers of love withered, their relationship turning sour as it hit the cold hard wind of reality. The Oslograd parents arranged a hurried wedding to try and fix things, with Charlotte dropping her Euran surname but not her passport – she already had one eye on the exit in case things got worse. They did. Both philandered. They argued for days at a time. Eventually, both had enough, and stopped talking to one another.

It got to the point where Rasmus would stay on the boat all day and night, while Charlotte would do her teaching in the day and looking after me in the evenings. Their only interaction was the meal she’d leave out for him every night, a fragment of their original affection clinging on for dear life. Yet they remained together for some reason, perhaps because their financial situation required it. Or maybe it was because deep down neither of them wanted to be the one to blink first. It would mean taking the blame, admitting this whole adventure was a tragic mistake and running away rather than putting up with it any longer, and having the inevitable argument over custody of an infant Skorji.

That night Rasmus came home was the night things changed. He went back out in the cold night to clear ice from the front porch, only to slip and fall on his arse. As he cursed under his breath, Rasmus looked up and saw…me. I was three years old, and had somehow got out on my own at one in the morning. I can’t remember it, but according to him, I was waddling about in the snowed under back yard all by myself. ‘Skorji! What are you doing out of bed? Get back inside, you’ll freeze!’ It was then that he noticed I had a football at my feet.

Lit up by the full moon, three year old Skori Oslograd whipped a beautiful curling shot into the top right hand corner of the garage door. Rasmus couldn’t believe what he’d seen. Gears started turning in his mind and suddenly an idea dawned on him. He brought me inside and put me to bed, then woke Charlotte. Over the kitchen table they discussed the future and their relationship, spending all night going through every last dispute that existed between them. Finally, they agreed a way forward, and to give their rocky relationship another try; starting with him getting a new job with sane working hours and no fishy odour, and her taking me to my first football practices once I’d hit five years old.

And so the Skorji journey began, not with a thunderbolt of lightning or a shattering earthquake sent by the gods in my honour, but with marital problems and a clumsy revelation. Soon I was getting older and had a sister at five, Jules, and a brother at nine, Albin. When I was ten, our parents decided that the best thing to do for their careers and bringing us up was to move to Eura, specifically to Charlotte’s home of Bastion. This took me away from the training session of the FC Axel Heiburg kids team, whose scouts had already earmarked me for big things. My early foray into youth level football was not over however. Bastion were waiting for me, and in time so was Eura.

What’s the moral of this story? I think it’s that, if you live your life to its fullest and take advantage of the opportunities offered to you – and are willing to take some risks – eventually fate will ensure you do something amazing. In my parent’s case it was to take their gap year hookup turned married nightmare and transform it into a project, a project to birth and raise one of the greatest footballing icons of all time. In my case, aside from becoming one of the greatest footballing icons of all time, my “amazing thing” is that I will make the Euran Oceania Territories a land of footballing brilliance…eventually.

How did I know that was fate? Because of where I was conceived, of course. The Shephard’s Delight wasn’t in Audioslavia, Krytenia, Starblaydia...no, it was in a middling city called Fligsive. Fate brought me here to win the World Cup with Eura all those years ago. Now it has brought me here to transform the fortunes of this wonderful little corner of Eura overseas. Using the same philosophy that I do, you can transform your own life and achieve something amazing in your world. All you have to do is keep reading.

Join me next time for more insight and truth. Skorji out.

[Vdara]

You what?

Hopes were high for Vdara’s first match in the Cup of Harmony. Vdara were coming off of the back of a decently successful World Cup campaign, with a ten game unbeaten run and all. A win was definitely expected. Sadly, as you’ll see later, it was absolutely not to be.

In the dressing room, Væñøœrëñbérghüïś seemed quite confident, with a few words to say to his players.

”Well, I’m quite happy to welcome you all back to international football as a whole, considering the whole crashing out of the World Cup thing. Anyhow, we’re up against Maccian today, which should be a decent matchup. I’d quite like you all to get right out there and snatch a victory, and make a good impression on the rest of our groupmates. Otherwise, the next 3 matches will be absolutely hellish. You got me? Good. Allons-y!”

The match report is as follows:

1: Well, good evening to you all, you’re watching Vdara vs Maccian live on Vai 1, and the match is just about to start- oh, it already has. Well, let’s watch!
4: It’s a corner for Maccian, as Aurellix whips the ball into the box... and it’s headed in by Rupio-Yakezeid! Maccian take the lead early, and the home fans are well and truly stunned!
5: Lazelis has got the ball from Fotellis at kickoff, and he’s powering through the opposition defence! He’s rounded Kutatzi and... he’s scored! Vdara equalise almost instantly, and Lükækš Væñøœrëñbérghüïś seems relieved!
7: Luftboltzen is dangerously close to the edge of the box, she puts the cross in... and it’s deflected off of Pardakis and in! The captain looks embarrassed to have let that happen, and Maccian regain their lead!
10: Rükommpt has disposessed Karalas in midfield, and he’s moving forward with pace and agility. He takes a shot from range... which goes in! It’s four goals in ten minutes in this game, and three of them have come from Maccian! Vdara are being well and truly embarrassed at their own home ground, and the few thousand away fans are absolutely loving it! 3-1 to Maccian!
15: Vlahiades has the ball in the middle of the park, and he’s going to take it forward. He’s tried to cut inside, but he’s been dispossessed by Zören.
19: Fotellis has dispossessed Kadune quite far up the pitch, and is one on one with Senozen! He flicks the ball to the right... and slots it in! Vdara have cut the deficit in half, and are now only one goal behind!
25: Stzaszner is surprisingly far forward, and he’s managed to make it past both Mavroglou and Karalas. He’s ran through the Vdaran defence, chipped the ball over Moustakakos and... it’s in! Maccian are running away with this game in the first half, it’s 4-2!
35: Karalas is attempting a shot from range, but it’s hit the bar and rebounded to the feet of Zören.
45: Well, that’s half time. Væñøœrëñbérghüïś looks extremely embarrassed, and Vdara are booed off of the pitch at the break!

Væñøœrëñbérghüïś stormed into the dressing room, full of anger. The games against Lo Santano and South Concepthuania were fresh in his mind. He was watching his team collapse yet again.

”Now, could one of yous tell me what the f**k actually happened out there? We’re 4-2 down at half time, and we’re being booed off by our own f**king fans! What are you lot actually doing? Like, this shouldn’t be a f**king hard game at all, and yet you have all managed to make it out like it is one! Jesus, man. Jeeeeeesus Christ. We shouldn’t be in this position. I had a lot of faith in yous before this match, but I can feel that rapidly fading as I watch you f**kers play. Now, let’s get back onto that pitch and try and salvage this shitshow of a game!”

46: The referee has blown his whistle, and the game restarts. Maccian lead 4-2 against Vdara, and the home fans are not happy about that at all.
52: Aurellix has worked her way through the Vdaran defence, she’s nutmegged Giannakos and... slotted it past Moustakakos! It’s 5-2 to Maccian, and the boos are only getting louder! Væñøœrëñbérghüïś looks devastated, what has went wrong for him today?
60: Well, it’s quite clear why the fans are booing now. Vdara are well and truly losing, and it doesn’t seem like they can come back from this deficit!
64: Fotellis has received the ball from Giannakos, and he’s going to run forward with it. He’s made it into the box, but he’s lost his footing and the ball trundles into the hands of Senozen.
70: Lazelis is gunning forward right now, and he’s very good with the ball at his feet! He’s made it past Saseirein and Zören, and he takes a shot... which hits the post and goes out for a goal kick.
76: Væñøœrëñbérghüïś looks even less content than he did before, and he looks equally as flabbergasted as most of the home fans. What has gone wrong?
89: Fotellis is through on goal, and he puts it into the net to little fanfare. It’s 5-3, but it’s all little too late as the game will soon come to a close.
90: It’s well and truly over here at Millenium Park, and the Oi Magoi have been well and truly cracked open by The Gunslingers! You just have to wonder what the manager’s going to say in the dressing room, don’t you? I bet he’ll be all angry and mention how the players were quite shit out there tonight, because I know I would be.

”What in the everlasting fuck was that? No, seriously, what was that? This should’ve been an out and out victory, and you’ve only turned it into a 5-3 loss to f**king Maccian! Is this our new curse or what? Do we just lose our first matchday no matter how bog-standard our opponents are? Huh? Unbelievable. Absolutely, utterly unbelievable. I’m hoping to see a lot better from you all in our next match, because I won’t be tolerating shite like that again. Like, seriously, 5-3? To MACCIAN? Jesus, I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come because if so we are well and truly f**ked! F**ked, I tell you! F**KED! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home and cry into my pillow after a delicious bowl of microwaveable mac and cheese because, quite frankly, I can’t be arsed dealing with you lot for any more time today. Do better next time, and I mean a LOT better.”

Væñøœrëñbérghüïś did indeed go home and cry into his pillow at night, but he skipped dinner. He couldn’t bring himself to touch his mac and cheese after watching that result. He felt sick to his stomach. How could his team’s form have just disappeared in seconds? He didn’t know how, but he definitely wanted to find out. He also wanted to find out if he could make said form reappear in seconds, since he desperately needed to make it happen, and soon.

[Blouman Empire]

FOOTBALL FEDERATION OF BLOUMANY

The Football Federation of Bloumany (FFB) wishes to advise all interested parties of the final roster for the 85th World Cup Qualifiers has been finalised.

Manager: Lewis Parry: Lewis has recently been appointed manager of the Blouman International side after 5 successul years at Lewis Atlayda United winning 7 titles over his itme with the club. Lewis’ appointment comes at a time of rebuilding the international game and the FFB is confident of Lewis’ ability to do that

Goalkeepers

1. Henry Polinoir
Age: 30
Club: AC Willton

22. Rory Flinn
Age 33
Club: Old Road

31. Jack of the Meer
Age: 26
Club: Jollipville Athletic

Defenders

2. Rhys Lornet
Age: 25
Position: RB
Club: Old Road

3. David Parson
Age: 27
Position: CB
Club: Northport

4. Jason Potts
Age: 22
Position: CB
Club: Hartley United

5. Michael Relston
Age: 24
Position: LB
Club: Grinstead-Linkon United

13. William Dressen
Age: 21
Position: CB
Club: Hellstom

12. George Laner
Age: 20
Position: RCB
Club Woodstork

15. Jack Cooper

Age: 27
Position: LB
Club: Baxon City

Midfielders

6. John Miller
Age: 26
Position: DM/CM
Club: Kings Court

8. Isaac Cupstran
Age: 29
Position: CM/AM
Club: Jollipville Athletic

10. Ty Freltron
Age: 28
Position: AM
Club: Lytson FC

16. Max Fox
Age: 24
Position: DM
Club: Wests

18. Liam Peach
Age 18
Position CM
Club: Salton United

20. Nathanial Launzel
Age: 19
Position: AM

Forwards

7. Brad Hunter
Age: 24
Position: RW
Club: Junction Athletic

9. Luke Cousins
Age: 26
Position: ST
Club: Jollipville Athletic

11. Paul Credab
Age: 23
Position: LW
Club: St Bridget

17 James Tinkery
Age: 29
Position: RW
Club: Bruschoken

19 Oliver Eastall
Age: 29
Position: ST
Club: Jollipville United

21. Lincoln Zilva
Age: 24
Position: LW

Uniform
Home Strip

Away Strip


Style Modifier: +2
Formation

Starters listed above, if different will be notified

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod scoring events Y
RP injuries to my players Y (however, I decide severity)
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out red cards to my players N
Godmod other events Y (within reason TG me if you want something major)

[Northwest Kalactin]

A Few Weeks Before the Match against Krytenia
Matt Hall, Jimmy McCarthy, Luke Dillan and Frank Owens are in a hotel room in Kelssek, reviewing tape of their groupmates.

Hall: Why the hell do we have to come to Kelssek so early? We have 3 weeks until the first match.

Jimmy: I don’t really know, but I’m sure coach Damon has his reasons.

Dillan: So, who do we have in out first match?

Jimmy: We got Krytenia. We were drawn into a tough group, we also have Chromatika later in the cup.

Owens: Really? We got to play Chromatika again, we play them like, every tournament.

Hall: Yeah, I don’t wanna play Chromatika again, we play them so much.

Jimmy: Hey now guys, if we play them enough we can turn this into a rivalry where we play them all the time, and get to call them out when we beat them.

Owens: And what about Krytenia, if they get lucky they might lose in the semifinals.

Jimmy: Krytenia is a good team, perhaps the best in this group, we should watch out for them, they might beat us. Also, their coach is a Jaffacake.

Dillan: You mean like that chocolate cake you can get at a restaurant?

Jimmy: No, he is the nephew of Jeremy Jaffacake or something.

Hall: Who in the world is Jeremy Jaffacake?

Jimmy: He is literally one of the most famous sports writers in the world. He was also the president of the WCC for a bit.

Dillan: The guy from Audioslavia?

Jimmy: Yes the guy is from goddamn Audioslavia, can we get back on topic though?

Hall: So you’re saying that we will have to play some defensive crazed fuckery in our first game?

Jimmy: Oh my god! Just watch the film for gods sake!

Owens: Welp, they aren’t bad, you where right about saying they may be the best team in the group.

Jimmy: Yeah, all we have to do is make sure they don’t break through and score any goals, if we do that we can probably grab one and in the game.

Owens: So Jimmy, what do you have about our other group mates?

Jimmy: Well, I think Chromatika will definitely be a hard team to beat. They showed in qualifiers even after their rough start that they can come storming back and finish near the top. As far as Talamia goes, I think we should be able to beat them, but they will be able to grab some points on us if we screw up. The Blouman Empire will be the easiest team to beat in the group. The haven't really proven themselves yet, and could drop lots of points to everyone else in the group.

Owens: Well, we need to go out there and beat Krytenias ass.

Krytenia 2-1 Northwest Kalactin
Well, it was still and issue for the Kalactanians and it always will be. Defense. The team showed a very leaky defense today as they gave up 2 goals to a Krytenia team that really doesn’t have much of an offense. The high powered offense of Northwest Kalactin wasn’t really able to break through against the Krytenia team today, and only managed one goal in a disappointing game. Will Sanders scored the only goal of the game for the Kalactanians, off of a header. Elsewhere in the group, Chromatika won a game against the Blouman Empire that we think, should’ve been a much higher margin of victory. The Blouman Empire is a team that really hasn’t gone out and shown good performances, and we think it may stay that way for the rest of the tournament.

Elsewhere...
Group 1
The Jovannic pulls a surprise win against the EOT. Tequilo and Mercedini, the two best teams in the group, tie and each grab a point.

Group 3
Not many surprises here. The Legalese game however, was a game that probably should’ve been won by them, so it is a small punch in the noggin that they got blown out.

Group 4
In 2 very high scoring games, Maccian and Kandorith pull through to each win their games. Delaclava scored 5 goals but can still not win their game.

Group 5
Eastfield Lodge loses. Seriously, this team needs something to save them. They can’t qualify, and go out and get destroyed by a lower rank team.

Group 6
Jeruselem loses. A game that they really should’ve won, they got shut out by a relatively new team to the World Cup.

[Twicetagram and JYPe]

Catchy Advertisements with Archibald Asparagus Larry Jimmy Gourd
A combination of some VeggieTales references, but they sound like advertisements

---

Narrator: And now it's time for Victorian Plays with Archibald Asparagus, the part of the show where--
Archie runs into the scene
Archie: HOLD IT! When was I ever going to be a part of this show? I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't even TOLD that I was coming up next!
Jean-Claude: behind the cameraSorry sir. Ve vere zo caught up with ze props zat we forgot to tell you.
Archie: I don't care about your explanation. I am not prepared for this, and thus I will NOT do this. I quit!
Archie walks off
Jean-Claude: What are ve going to do? Ve don't have anyone else!
Philip: Maybe ve could continue with Silly Songs with larry, no?
Camera cuts to Larry on a director's chair
Larry: I thought today was my break day.
Philip: Maybe we could just cancel off this segment, no?
Jean-Claude: Wait! I zink ve have found ze right person.
Camera focuses on Jimmy Gourd eating a pizza
The French Peas: mischievously looks at each other Hmm...

Jimmy: irritated It's rude to interrupt someone while they're eating.
Jean-Claude: You are ze only person left.
Jimmy: Then why don't you just cancel this part?
Philip: Ve'll offer you free pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
Jimmy: Really? Okay where's the script?

Narrator: And now it's time for catchy advertisements with Jimmy Gourd, the part of the show where Jimmy Gourd comes and says, catchy advertisements.
Jimmy walks in with a costume reminiscent of the first Silly Song
Jimmy: Everybody's got a water buffalo, so why don't you? Get one now. Selling at 30% off at John's, if you buy 2 you get one free. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Despite being uncomfortable with hollering randomly, Jimmy continues
Jimmy: Everybody's got a baby kangaroo. You can get yours, it's twice as cheap. Wide arrange of baby roos, you can choose pink and blue. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Music abruptly stops
Jimmy: Wait. Do I really have to do this? This is just a remix of Larry's song.
Jean-Claude: Just do it.
Jimmy: Aw fine.

Scene changes to outside of a drive-thru. Smooth music starts to play
Jimmy: singing, with the shirt Mr Lunt had in His Cheeseburger He said to her, "I'd like a cheeseburger. And maybe a milkshake as well." She said to him, "I can't give you either." Then he said, "I guess I'll just see you later."
Jimmy: He drove out off the drive-thru and went home, but on the way he saw a sign for Denny's. "Bacon and eggs at half price, what a wonderful offer for me!"
Jimmy: You used to be his cheeseburger, used to be the cheeseburger. He went to Denny's yeah, not able to resist such an offer. Bacon and eggs at half price, get yours now at Denny's only.
Jimmy: You used to be his cheesebur...ger. ludicrous high note

Changes to a bathroom scene
Jimmy: in a bathing suit Oh where, is my hair brush. Oh where, is my hair brush. Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh whereeeeee. Is my hair brush.
Narrator: Having heard Jimmy's cry of help, Jerry Gourd enters the scene. Shocked, disgusted and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Jimmy in a towel, Jerry regains his composure and tells him...
Jerry: If you want a hairbrush you can get it at Best Denki. Also they're having a 40% discount. leaves
Narrator: Jimmy ponders for a while. He may not be able to find his hairbrush, but he could just buy a new one.
Jimmy: dances in circles Don't care 'bout my hairbrush. Don't care, 'bout my hairbrush. Don't care, I'll buy, don't care, I'll buy, don't care, I'll buy, don't care, I'll buy, I'll buyyyyyyyyyy… A new hairbrush.
Narrator: The end.
The audience applauses, and roses are being thrown on stage

Narrator: And this has been catchy advertisements with Jimmy. Tune in next time to say:
Now, where's my pizza.

[Baggieland]

The Daily Boing

BAGGIELAND GO TOP
But only alphabetically

Baggieland 2 – 2 Trolleborg FT (1 – 0 HT)

Baggieland kicked off their Cup of Harmony campaign with a hard fought draw against Trolleborg. A goal in each half ensured that the points were shared after their opponents came out stronger in the second period.

Baggieland came out of the blocks the quickest as the game began, the Throstles having almost 100% possession in the first 15 minutes. Despite plenty of attacking intent, they couldn’t unlock an organised Trolleborg defence. Then, the Trolleborgeners started to show their quality and turned up the heat on Baggieland, but they too couldn’t find a way through. The deadlock was eventually broken in the 37th minute when Livermore found Bomber in space, who in turn threaded the ball through the defenders and it was Richardson who ran onto the through-ball and dispatched it into the far left corner of the net.

The Trolleborg players must have received a right ear-bashing at half time, as they piled on the pressure straight from the whistle. It wasn’t long when their intense attacking paid off and they got their equaliser. Things got worse for Baggieland midway through the half when Trolleborg grabbed the lead, and Buckingham could be seen to be visibly angry with his players. But they responded well, and Ginger, who had replaced Bassett just ten minutes earlier, scored in the 81st minute. It was Bomber again who set up play for the goal, this time with a delightful cross field ball that was inch-perfect for Ginger to race onto and chip the ball over the advancing keeper.

Baggieland stats:

Scorers:
Jeff Richardson: (37’).
Ginger Astle: (81’).

Possession: 52%.
Corners: 8.

Tournament scorers:
Jeff Richardson: 1.
Ginger Astle: 1.

[Mavinet]

© Dai Hoa Times
Cup of Harmony 77: Mavinet starts off on the right foot
by Vu The An, Associate Sports Editor

---

The Cup of Harmony has officially started in Zwangzug and Kelssek. The Water Buffaloes reenter the international stage for the third time after their World Cup qualifying campaign left much to be desired. Being the second-lowest seeded team in the group is a huge disadvantage for Head Coach Nguyen Minh Quan's boys, although none can really complain given that this is still the first time Mavinet participate in the Cup of Harmony. To make things more challenging, the Water Buffaloes have to face the top seeded team of the group, Xanneria, right on the first matchday. Known for their ultra offensive play style, Xanneria greet all of their opponents with relentless attacks and brutal challenges for the ball. With a powerful front line and a physical group of players, Xanneria literally shoved their way into the top 50 teams of the multiverse.

Facing such a force of nature, the Water Buffaloes have a lot to take care of physically and defensively if they want to get out of the match with a positive result. Coming into the match with the usual 4-2-3-1 formation, Head Coach Minh Quan turned no heads with regards to personnel. The lack of changes in the starting lineup was justified, however, as Mavinet seems to have a knack for causing surprise on the first matchday. Much similar to the 1-0 win over Pasarga on the first World Cup qualifying match, the Water Buffaloes overcame Xanneria 3 goals to 2 on the Zwischen Soccer-Specific Stadium in Zwangzug.

Head Coach Minh Quan had clinical striker Vo Thanh Hai to thank for the outcome after he scored twice, including the winner - taking his personal goals tally for the national team to 22. The close-fought game got off to a bad start for Mavinet as their shambolic defending allowed Richard Presentino to score an overhead goal for Xanneria following a Doby Bunnkirk free-kick after just 69 seconds.

The Water Buffaloes slowly regained their composure and wrestled control of the game away from the opponents, with Ho Vu Thanh Hoang volleyed home in the 37th minute to draw the score level from Vu Tien Linh's superb left-wing cross. Xanneria's tendency to dwell on the ball when attacking costed them dearly at the start of the second half. A quick counter attack initiated from a great tackle in midfield in the 48th minute saw the ball passed through Tran Hoang Minh to Ho Vu Thanh Hoang before Thanh Hai slotted the ball into the lower left corner to finish the play.

Mavinet's lead was eliminated when Devon'elle Leymore capitalised on yet another messy defensive display from the Water Buffaloes in the 76th minute. The game was winding down with no prospect of another goal when a long range effort in the 81st minute from Thanh Hai unexpectedly ended up in the back of Xanneria's net. The power from the shot curved the ball away from Dom Brabham's stretched arm before landing in the upper right corner in front of the disappointing look of the goalkeeper and every Xannerian fans in the stadium.

With the win, Mavinet got a surprise 3 points against the top-seeded team and currenly sit second in the group. This will no doubt be a significant boost to the team's morale and Mavinet's chance of getting through to the next round. As a reminder, the top 2 teams from each group and 8 best third-placed teams will advance, so even if Mavinet fail to secure a top 2 finish, the chance is still there for the Water Buffaloes if they can gather enough points in the group stage matches.

While the fans will certainly enjoy this results for days to come, it is time to turn our attention to the next opponents waiting for us. The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, also known as the Grim Reapers, are no less formidable than the opponent Mavinet just overcame. Another team preferring ultra offensive tactics, the Grim Reapers have a group of powerful and clinical strikers at their disposal. Placing third in their World Cup qualifying group and losing out on a spot in the World Cup final by 7 points, the Quebecois certainly have eyes on the Cup of Harmony's silverware. Despite the early setback against Busoga Islands, the Grim Reapers are still a strong contender for the top 2 spots, and if anything, the match against Mavinet will be the one they want to use to get back into the race.

The Grim Reapers will want to reap full 3 points in the match ahead, but can the Water Buffaloes resist their opponent's thirst? Stay tuned for another exciting match on the ZS^3.

---

XANNERIA - 2
2' Richard Presentino
76' Devon'elle Leymore

MAVINET - 3
37' Ho Vu Thanh Hoang
48' Vo Thanh Hai
81' Vo Thanh Hai

[Geektopia]

Geektivities
*Be cool, be woke.
Reports done by Abdel-Dayem, our new Culture categorist and editor
Lessons 1 and 2

Conlang enClave #003 - Te

Ve'ne hu neovj eh // What I'm good at

Once more, "ve'ne" isn't an abbreviation and regarding anything new about it can be used in it's apostropheic form or it's original form "ve ne". Also, some bloopers here at post, when I was done writing my article yesterday something I didn't pick up when I left it there for all of your eyes to see that was pointed out by our loyal viewer 'gloveheadloui' was a minor typo. Ve ne isn't a word because it's spaced out, it's actually two words, but editing the error to say "two words" would look redundant and as such just "words" replaced it. Anyways, onto the lesson. Being good, as you may know, can inform someone what you excel at and are comfortable in doing, so why not say you are in another language?

Also, something that I forgot to mention, "ve'ne" or "ve ne" in this kind of sentence is replaced by a new word, which has an accent mark in it . This would be "vèon", and it can't be apostrophied as ve ne would be available to be.

Some examples would be:

"Vèon hu neovj eh vesseophv" (translating to oneself being good at drawing) | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh dmaodjô gôtièop" (translating to oneself being good at playing video games, but without the word "playing") | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh tpènj" (translating to oneself being good at swimming) | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh mîenj" (translating to oneself being good at reading) | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh tdsôucj" (translating to oneself being good at writing) | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh aonjsôudjv" (translating to oneself being good at arithmetic (this translation is more practical in comparison to the simplicity of "neve") | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh fenjte" (translating to oneself being good at dancing) | [] | "Vèon hu neovj eh tqûosv" (translating to oneself being good at sports or really any sport)

---

Conlang enClave #004 - Uc

Pairing a verb with "C'gjiess moun"

Now, this may be a little different than the standard traditional translation of "Ve'ne", or "I'm, but it does wonders when you want to compare something or make a clever analogy with it which I'm not sure you can do. This can also be used in a pretty literal meaning, suggesting that you would rather actually go out of your way to do something rather than just sillily bluff about it. Pronunciation matters, mind you, which is why you can pronounce the third letter in "C'gjiess" as if it was silent to sound like you're bluffing, or pronounce the j with full intent for the latter option, producing a "jess" sound. This applies for really any "ve'ne" translation if you're willing to piece together the sentence for it to make sense sarcastically or in a banter-ish way.

The examples that will be given will shape themselves up in quite literal ways though.

"C'gjiess moun mecjeosv geuo tiu pôut fîepeô" (translating to oneself who would rather talk about their given conversation later) | [] | "C'gjiess moun tdoèom pè dmès tpiedjve" (translating to oneself who'd rather ski than snowboard) | [] | "C'gjiess moun gîop ep gjefjc e mèonjtièom" (translating to oneself who'd rather handle a given problem theirselves; this phrase is considered to be impolite and informal to most Geektopians) | [] | "C'gjiess moun fam ecjeomi pè gepedjv enedj sûn jemm" (translating to oneself who'd rather see their parents sooner against staying out late) | [] | "C'gjiess moun edmeôudjv pè taô es ep vumh ep mè ep gef" (translating to oneself who'd rather exercise against sitting on the couch all day, evening, or morning) | [] | " C'gjiess moun ep gsiehse" (translating to oneself who'd rather know the answer against not knowing said answer, the answer of which will probably never be known)

---

The game against hardened veterans West Pocono goes Greens' way

West Pocono 0-3 Geektopia

---

Goals: 5' (Osorto | assist provided by Andreen | Geektopia), 51' (Sudlow | assist provided by Barella | Geektopia), 87' (Crete | assist provided by Pillars | Geektopia)

Player Ratings

Leabo: 7.0
Osorto: 8.0
Loui: 7.0
Barella: 7.5
Crete: 8.0
Pillars: 7.5
Andreen: 7.5
Sudlow: 8.0
Resendis: 7.0
Medine: 7.0
Houg: 7.0

Formula: WIN WITHOUT ASSISTING OR SCORING = 7.0 | LOSE WITHOUT ASSISTING OR SCORING = 6.0 | ASSIST: +.5 | SCORE: +1.0

[Jeruselem]

Daisy Cutter (nee Daisy Dallas) in Kelssek

Hello, this is Daisy Cutter for Naked News Jeruselem for the Cup of Harmony 77.
This is the first group game in Group 6, where we are of course.
In Group 6, Sharktail vs Eraman and Jeruselem vs TJUN-ia. Garifunya had their bye.

Sharktail and Eraman had 5-5 draw.
Both teams for sure will get points in this group draw.

Unfortunately for us, we didn't win or draw.
We lost 2-0.
Actually Jeruselem do have this have habit of losing their first Cup of Harmony game.
Admittedly we weren't at our best, maybe we should have given the players a proper rest after playing 24 world cup qualifying games.
But apparently we didn't.
Maybe time with loved ones would have helped recharge the batteries for the players.
So TJUN-ia are on 3 points, Sharktail and Eraman on 1 and we're last on zero. Garifunya also on zero because they haven't played a game.

What does this mean, we really kinda need to win our 3 games since you can't do much with a bye.
We actually don't have best record at the Cup of Harmony, apart from that one finals appearance.
Yeah we have sometimes gotten to the semi or quarter final occasionally but we do crash out at the group stage a lot.
Most of the time it's round of 16 or 32 and then we're out.

I do not have results from the ZUG, so we don't know how Quebec has gone.

Group 6 was bit weird as there was one draw but Groups 2 to 5 had no draws. Only Group 1 was like 6.
The Jovannic got full points in Group 1, while Mercedini and Tequilo draw.
Chromatika and Krytenia got their 3 points in Group 2.
Squornshelous and The Sarian were winners in Group 3. Squornshelous having notable 6-2 win over Legalese.
Maccian and Kandorith also maximum points in Group 4. Kandorith had to fight off Delaclava 6-5 in a goal fest.
Flavovespia and Kohnhead also had wins in Group 5.

A disappointing day for the Princesses, but it's not we're eliminated. A loss is really bad where you have 4 games to play.
But with 3 wins we can still get into the top 2, given the right results in other games.
We can hope we can do this.
Actually in one of last Cup of Harmony, we baredly made past the group stage. We got form.

Thanks everyone for messages of support for myself!
Unfortunately there's people out there who aren't so supportive.
Some discovered I was "Flower Girl" on well a known Jeruselem web cam site, and got angry.
Not that I actually hid that, I told people that.
Admitedly I am not a football girl, you know like Princess Kate.
I was never good at sports really except gymnastics.
I'm here to do my job.

Someone said I look like that Vera from Caramella Girls.
Maybe, but me can't sing.
I don't know Swedish either.
I'll leave the singing and dancing to someone who can.

That's all from me and the team here in Kelssek.
The team were looking a bit tired when they got here and they got here a day late due to the manager getting his dates wrong.
So they didn't get much rest before the actual game.

Time to go.

OOC
Group 6
Sharktail 5–5 Eraman
Jeruselem 0–2 TJUN-ia

[The Jovannic]

Matchday 1-- The Jovannic 2-1 Euran Oceanic Territories: The Euran Blessings

Welcome to Matchday review, as our boys travel to Klessek to beat EOT 2-1!

Good Morning Bobb, today we have a interesting match with our upset over EOT!

I'm amazed at how our boys played today. Really pushed on despite being a goal down eh?

Yes, lets show the highlights!

6th Minute: EOT goal

Our boys had the worst possible start.

I have to admit, it was some really good play from EOT there, I don't think even the best defenders could block that.

Well The Jovannic really struck back though!

Yes.

13th Minute: Sami Goal

Beautiful goal.

It's good, thats for sure. Good curve on the ball, just powerful enough to round the keeper.

50th Minute: Jin Tze goal

The icing on the cake. Good passing play, good finishing, good celebration.

Haha! We should do that dance.

The screen shuts suddenly

The Next math is against Ethane, who had a bye this game, we are still the underdogs, but if we play like last match, we will have a chance to win.

Starting Eleven
Mavin Tsuniki, Kish Dasny, Raye Eng, Kallin Yustat, Nivario Wesh, Stockain Lelop, Gavon Simoli, Rivilia Yunsala, Sami Ning, Ianu Fathe, Jovan Ilohil

[Legalese]

It just makes you Squorn: Legalese falls 6-2

Earlier this week, Legalese National Team Manager Hardy Bolder, speaking to our own Brandy Brocado about his adjustments and plans for the Cup of Harmony, stated that despite the weaker starting position for the Legalites, all they needed to do was “catch lighting in a bottle” to get to a top 3 spot and a chance at the Round of 32.

Watching the all-out salvos of back-and-forth attack this evening at Canada Stadium, however, it looks like the lightning struck Bolder and his chosen eleven square in the face, as the Squornshelous National Team struck quickly and didn’t look back, enroute to a 6-2 victory.

The Squorns struck gold twice in the first ten minutes. Hope that the high press would work on a 4-3-3 formation turned out to be incorrect, as a misstep by Gus Cestero let Lucia Krupin slip by on the left, starting a run that found Havard Popov on the opposite side of the penalty area, with Popov completing the strike that whistled by Karter Lindamood, opening the tally just four minutes in. A counter to a counter-attack just minutes later let Tove Anker break loose, slipping the ball by Lindamood, who appeared rooted to the spot.

“I’m a bit ashamed,” said Lindamood after the game, stating exactly what his face betrayed in the moment. “I’d heard that Squornshelous was from a pocket universe of sorts, and logically, it could be argued that they don’t exist in ours, and if I made that thought strong enough, maybe they’d disappear in a poof of logic. Instead, I learned that there must be a flaw in my logic somewhere, or that I should at least respect physics.”

An attempt to confirm or deny if Squornshelous really can exist outside of this pocket universe, as well as further elaboration on if this really means that when it comes down to it, aren’t we all just in a universe that seems infinitely vast to us, but in the perspective of some larger being, could very well just be a marble, or maybe even a snow globe, where the great creator -- perhaps the Holy Manager -- dreams up everything that happens and it just plays out in that snow globe was ultimately unsuccessful, owing to strict policies on the nature and form of questions being asked to the Squornshelous National Team requiring a process that per our paper’s policies, were not partaken in. (Editor’s note: This policy, for the record is the “Are you out of your fucking mind?” policy, for requests that are, in our opinion, so ridiculous to the notion of a free press and actual dialogue that we must simply reject them out of hand. Our reporter was just trying to be polite.)

For the Legalites, an off day awaits, and perhaps hope will remain when the dust settles. But at this point, starting off in dead last with no points and a -4 Goal Differential is unlikely to do wonders to their hopes of advancement.

“It’s a process, and we have to trust the process.” Hardy Bolder said after the match. “We’ll take what we learned today, head back to the training pitch, and see if we can get a decisive result against Oberour Ar Moro.”

[Blouman Empire]

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Lose In Seven Goal Thriller

Keira Andisori completed a hat-trick in injury time to snatch a thrilling victory for Chromatika, who punished a dire Blouman defensive display in the first game for both sides in the Cup of Harmony.

A dramatic climax at Kingswharf produced scenes of stark contrast - with Chromatika boss Konrad Evans shown a yellow card for racing to celebrate the winner with his players, as Lewis Parry put his hands over his face and crouched to the ground showing the strain of defeat. The Eagles attempted to play offside in the final added minute and Andisori was left unmarked to turn in a Jazmin Dragana cross, giving his side 3 points as the Cup of Harmony campaign began. The Chromatika forward had opened the scoring by prodding the ball home at the back post, with Hermaeus Mora heading a second much to the cheers of the Chromatika fans and to the dismay of Parry. Clearly angry in the opening 45 minutes, the Blouman manager saw his side hit back within six minutes of the restart - first through a solo run and finish by Luke Cousins, and then through an own goal. After digging themselves out of trouble, the Blouman defence was again undone by a long ball for Andisori to power in his second, only for Ryan Hunter to head a late equaliser which appeared to have earned the Eagles a point that had seemed so unlikely for much of the game. But Chromatika had other is and in a chaotic finish, Andisori won it with the Eagles a mess at the back once again.

Parry was visibly upset with the late goal later describing his side as “simply charitable” and the display as "naive". While Chromatika were intense in their play early on, each time they came forward they seemed to have the Eagles chasing shadows, with Jason Potts exposed at times and the back line punished as Andisori stole in to prod the opener from six yards. The Eagles had been competitive in the opening 45 minutes with Cousins almost opening the scoring after robbing Henri de Aea, while Hunter tested the Chromatika keeper. But similar to many games during the world cup qualifiers making life difficult for themselves that may have been behind Parry angrily screaming instructions from the sideline. Whatever he said at half-time worked because within six minutes his side were level when Cousins managed to collect a loose ball and make a run towards goal and slotted one home. The leveller came after a shot by Cousins deflected of the leg of the defender and into the net.

Again though, a lack of pressure and the ease with which Andisori ran clear to make it 3-2 summed up the constant lack of defensive instinct from the Eagles. Parry would be forgiven for sitting back at the team’s base wondering how his could be so slack in the back time and time again. A close ranger head by Hunter was a positive as the two sides levelled. It was in the dying minutes of injury time as Andisori finished and sending not just the Chromatika fans but also Evans wild as their Cup of Harmony campaign got off to the perfect start. Evans will get over the yellow card shown for his celebrations as his side secured the three points needed to put them up top. However, there was plenty not to like about his side in what was an inconsistent display. Starting brilliantly, notably the two goals they scored in the first half, they stopped playing as well at the start of the second, giving the Eagles chances and hope. But perhaps such moments of weakness can be expected from a side who have lost key matches during the qualifiers. Despite that they have some cultured gems in the team and Andisori’s ability to find the back of the net as he did three times today creates a real threat.

The Eagles will next face Northwest Kalactin at Millennium Park. Both sides lost their opening matches by a goal and both will be looking to bounce back to keep their hopes of moving past the group stage.

[Sharktail]

Group 6 Matchday 1

Sharktail 5
Eraman    5

Sharktail
(Farhan-16,Gaby-18,Shahrul-34,Gaby-52,Manaf-86)

Eraman
(Putra Daulapura-20,Buisan Buayan-48,Kilat Saputra-58,Buisan Buayan-72,Anton Mora-78



Lineup
Ahmad
Harold
Hidawi
Yusri
Izz
Chandra
Nik akif
Farhan
Fikri
Gaby
Shahrul

Sub
Manaf
Alfi

Hello, and good morning. How are you today? Feeling good, great. So today live stream again with me Nazri of course in Nazri TV.So did you watch the match against Eraman? It was really a fantastic match. You know I predict we would lose. However they done good when the match have started. We have leading 3-1 in the first half but Eraman back in second half score 4 goal while us score two more goals end the game 5-5. It really nerve-wracking.

Today I don't want yo talk about football too much. I want you all to share with you about my tour in nations at Melayu Archipelago. After we have done with the qualifying campaign, I book a ticket to go travelling. My first stop is Pemecutan. Pemecutan. This is the first town for me in Pemecutan. The purpose not just to go touring or travel but I really want to try the local dish in other nation. It not too hard to communicate because I good at English and Bahasa. So when I ask the citizen about the dish, it really easy to find all the dish. The first dish I try is Betutu Chicken or simply I could say chicken serve with the herb. What more awesome is all the food served on a banana leaf. It can surely attract international tourist. The serving also quite big, so I can say you will satisfy with it. The chef tells me that sometime they may use duck but it quite rare. Maybe they just using it for some special occasion like a new year or some kind of ceremony. You know I almost forgot that I doing a trip just for one day in each country and I will leave right away. I forgot that I want to try other dishes too. I suppose I could just ask for a small serving of Betutu Chicken. But well I have to try other dishes too or I will regret. I rarely go on travelling like this so I just try saving my money. I go to the second restaurant, I really lucky because all the dish I have marked to try, I can get it around that area. I go to some small restaurant but the decoration really awesome. In the wall, there is some word that writed in their native. I did not really understand I guess it some famous quote or poem there. So I a but full that time, so I choose a light meal. The dish I choose is Tipat Cantok. It the combination of Vegetable and rice cooked in coconut leaf. I think you all know about ketupat too. In one of our traditional dish. Come up to complete that combination is the peanut sauce. That the attraction of this dish. Come up with it, I try it with Daluman Ice made by Daluman leaf. You guys don't try to go searching for that leaf in Sharktail. Basically, you can only found it in Pemecutan. Maybe if they try to make it as export, we can have it in our nation.

End of my food journey in Pemecutan, I take a direct flight to Eraman. After all, I just do some quick travel. When I arrived, it already night. I have prepared the budget for it so I just try to find some budget hotel to save my money. Next time when I have more money, I will try to travel to more country and enjoy there. The next day I start my food journey in Eraman. I don't really have too much info about cuisine in Eraman. In my list, I have two, Nasi Lemak and Ambuyat. So I go to Nasi Lemak first. Ok, now we at one of the restaurants who serve Nasi Lemak. You can smell the aroma of Nasi lemak once you enter the restaurant. From the information I have, usually, they will take Nasi Lemak as a breakfast. For the tourist or anyone who still new in Eraman, this dish is the popular choice. But there re some interesting stat, Nasi Lemak has high calories so somehow this lead yo increasing of Diabetes in Eraman. But I have admitted that it was really delicious. The rice goes well with coconut milk and also the combination with sambal anchovies. After I was done eating Nasi Lemak, I tried to ask the chef about Ambuyat. It a bit frustrating after he tells me that I can just eat Ambuyat in Mitra. I try to saving and to go there I have to expand my budget. I don't have other choices so I choose to end there. I miss to try Ambuyat but next time I will go to Mitra and try Ambuyat.

So the tour ended there. It was really awesome. I recommend you all try to go to Pemecutan and Eraman. You will not regret it. So that all for today thank you.

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Group 6 Matchday 2

[Sylestone]

Sylestone, having a bye in Matchday One, played two friendlies and still have another scheduled against Poafmersia before their first game against Xanneria. It will be an interesting Cup of Harmony and Sylestone are well and truly looking forward to it.

Friendly #1:
HUElavia 2-0 Sylestone
Sylestone were outperformed by WC85 side HUElavia, but they performed well and 2-0 is a good showing against such a capable side. They have suffered losses far worse and the side was very pleased with their performance. Two goals in the 33rd and 39th minutes put Sylestone on the back foot after not looking brilliant in the first half and only the Brick Wall playing well. 2-0 at half time? A thrashing of 4-0, 5-0, or even more was looking possible. However, the Mixer and Tumble Dryer both put on some brilliant offensive moves in the second half and some good defence through ther Washing Machine and Ironing Board led to HUElavia's forward line being unable to break through. It was immensely satisfying and although it was a 2-0 loss, it showed the perhaps, just perhaps, the Sylestoneans are starting to show what they really are capable of.

Friendly #2:
Sharktail 2-2 Sylestone
An even more satisfying performance by the Appliances meant that Sylestone drew 2-2 with Sharktail, a side that performed pretty well in their group in the WC85 Qualifiers. The game started with a corner to the Sylestoneans, which was slotted in with a brilliant, curving ball by the Tumble Dryer. 1-0 up in the third minute was an ominous sign, but the lead was equalised with a penalty in the 22nd minute after the Washing Machine splashed water over a Sharktail midfielder. Sylestone then fell behind in the 45th minute when a brilliant shot from the left-winger sailed past the Brick Wall and into the goal. 2-1 down at half time wasn't brilliant, but it was acceptable. The second half started with Sharltail playing ultra-defensively, but the Bar Stool somehow broke through and deflected a flinging shot from the Tumble Dryer via the head into the goal in the 71st minute. Both sides then had good runs and nearly scored, but they clung onto a draw. WE will see whether they can pull out some more heroics in the games to come.

Lineup for the game against Xanneria:
Brick Wall
Ironing Board
Sofa
Washing Machine
Dishwasher
Drawer
Fridge
Spiderwebs
Bar Stool
Mixer
Tumble Dryer

[Talamia]

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Here is Auxe Aggelia, accompanied as always by Gian Gianvilipendio and George the Butterfly, Gian's husband and Talamia's mascot. Yeah, you read that right"

"When is this going to end, Auxe? I know you are just envious of our love"

"Of course. I am so envious of you going to bed every night with an animal that was once a caterpillar and that you can't even touch, because you would kill it. Wait. Don't butterflies live one day? And why isn't our national team mascot a hoopoe? That's our national animal!"

"As I imagined. Pure envy"

"Let's move on to football!

We are welcoming you from Langlois' Stade de la Pacifique, in Kelssek, where the Talamian National Football Team is about to take part to a completely new adventure! After a hundred years of friendlies, this year Talamia has decided to change its history. After taking part in the 85th World Cup qualifying and unexpectedly finishing fifth in their group, our national team is in the semifinals of the NSLeft Football Association Tournament, waiting to find out the next opponent. And now we have found out that Talamia Sports' Summaka entered the team in the seventy-seventh Cup of Harmony!"

"We don't stand a chance"

"Oh just shut up, Gian! Would you do me that favor?!"

"See? Straight, pure envy"

"I don't have to get drawn into this.

As I was saying: Talamia has overturned every prediction and is ready to do so also in these Cup of Harmony qualifiers. We are finally ranked, 122nd, and we know that in the group there is probably the most fearsome opponent of all: Chromatika. They are also our first, next opponents. This first game will be crucial. It is important to start on the right foot to make it clear that we are here too, that we are aiming high! But let's see the lineup announced by coach Sanisla Pedalisismi:

STARTING XI:

4-2-3-1
#1 Aha Diepeir
#2 Tjin Herev Eo
#5 Yante Skatezzo
#13 Timo Fulatto
#6 Calin Mestithemi
#8 Ansem Egemon (C)
#14 Fjössi Rooura
#7 Ptirn Lagios
#10 Kata Dioiiké
#20 Upe Bainika
#9 Stern A'apt

SUBS:
#12 Psal Arpaz
#23 Stizo Stiba Stroma
#3 Eter Katek
#4 Ana Lambàn
#21 Kof Vottetheis
#17 Mesacro Diodos
#19 Neaniaõ

But that's not all: the coach has also announced that we will see changes in the squad list, for the next games, in order to guarantee a little rest to the players who have been engaged in multiple competitions simultaneously for a month now."

"And now... GEORGE THE BUTTERFLY PREDICTS:

Talamia 1-3 Chromatika

Oh. Thank you, George"

"Stupid butterfly. Remeber to follow Talamia only here, on Pro Diorux Sports - Are you a sports devote? Pick up your TV remote!"

[Krytenia]

We'll Be Kalactin The Points, Thanks
By Rami Niblick in Latrobe, Kelssek

THEY came, they saw, they drank overpriced microbrewery beer, and they conquered...eventually. A match between two teams of great attacking prowess descended into a tired slog as a morning downpour took all the fizz out of the Macquarie Docklands pitch. Conditions would improve enough by the afternoon to start the game, and the pitch did dry out over the course of the match, but it was the mud rather than the skillset of the two sides that would be the deciding factor.

With the going heavy, both sides struggled to play their usual ground-based passing games, instead relying on long and high passes to attempt to move the ball forwards. This suited the Krytenian defence down to the ground, as Northwest Kalactin's front line is built for creativity and guile rather than the more agricultural style that their midfield felt forced to resort to. The beanpole that is Ross Green got plenty of heading practice in as attack after attack from the men in blue was repelled without much of a sweat being broken.

That's not to say that Krytenia were having much joy at the other end. Cormac O'Neill looked like he was wading through treacle, whilst Neil Smith was a virtual passenger for the first half as the ball so often went flying over his head, either into the waiting arms of goalkeeper Mark Romero or cleared calmly by his defenders. The only real clear-cut chance of the first half came when Phillip Eaton angled a deep cross into the box; Rafa Mendonca's header, though, only flashed across the goal and wide.

Thankfully, with bright sunshine and the undersoil heating working overtime, the game began to open up, and it was the Dragons who took the advantage shortly after the hour. James Pootsman, on for the tiring O'Neill, broke through a couple of tackles, creating space to find Eaton arrowing into the box. The Ashton winger met Pootsman's lofted ball perfectly, cracking a thumping volley past Romero before the 'keeper had had a chance to move.

The goal settled Krytenia, and they took the game by the scruff of the neck. Pootsman and Stephen Mariner pulled the strings in midfield, and the men in red and orange found chances ever easier to come by. It came as no surprise, then, that the Dragons added a second, Smith curling home a free kick after a late tackle on Mendonca drew a yellow card for Hue Grebv, who realised too late that he was getting nothing of the ball.

Northwest Kalactin are to be underestimated at your peril, though, and in the dying minutes proved the potency of their attack, Will Sanders heading home to finish off a fine passing move that stretched the Krytenian defence all over the pitch. It wasn't enough, though, and Krytenia saw out the final moments to take all three points.

There are still lessons to be learned - certainly the way the Kalactanians prised open the defence late in the game is a cause for concern - but the points are key. The Dragons have the next matchday off before facing the Blouman Empire. Another three points in that one should have us well on the way to the second round. Onward!

KRYTENIA - 2
Eaton 61
Smith 74

NORTHWEST KALACTIN - 1
Sanders 88

[Timuria]

Red Wolves Grab Opening Day Win

Electrum 0–2 Timuria
Ismail Burhan (49), Yerkebulan Suyumbayev (87)

by Tufan Nursultan

The Red Wolves came into their match against Electrum unsure of what to expect, especially when the gap in talent between all the sides in the group seems so narrow and they had to deal with a new pressure, that of being the top seeded side in the group. After an exceptionally tough first half it seemed like the Red Wovles would find their offence stunted and contained against their unusual opposition, who put on an admirable and brave performance, but that ultimately wasn't enough to prevent Timuria taking victory.

The early stages of the match were incredibly cagey, with neither side really committing great numbers towards offensive efforts. As such the first major chance of the match came at the 20 minute mark, with the ball finding its way to Volkan Ayhan in a lot of space at the far post from a Caner Turan cross, he snatched at his effort and sent the ball just wide with an awkwardly struck effort. The steadfastness of the Electrum defence began to frustrate Timuria and this began to leave gaps for them to exploit, with Roland McCourtney getting through on goal after a rare lapse from the Timuria defence. He placed shot was tipped just wide by Iskender Nur in the 28th minutes.

With halftime approaching the Red Wolves began to up the pressure, first a long range effort from Ertan Renda clipped the bar on its way out in the 38th minute. Then after a long period of build up from the midfield, Ismail Burhan would have his best chance of the first half, with his header being tipped over the bar by Ralph Mills in the 43rd minute. Electrum would get an opportunity on the break as the Red Wovles appeared to have relaxed as injury time began, with Einarson, King of the Armoured Bears (yes, really) playing the ball in to the Sentient Energy Ball (who really needs to take a corporeal form if you ask me) whose effort was held well by Iskender. The sides would go in level at the break, a bore draw on the cards as both sides seemed to be set to cancel each other out.

With the start of the second half the Red Wolves looked a lot more precise and dangerous, within a minute of the kick off Caner Turan cut inside and fired off a wicked shot that Mills barely tipped wide. From the ensuing corner Kemal Colak got a powerful head onto the ball, but the egg-shapped rolling being cleared the ball of the line. Timuria's goal would come however, Ismail Burhan played in by Reza Karaduman, whose through ball was deadly, allowing Ismail to pick his spot, the top right corner giving the Red Wolves the lead they so richly deserved at this point.

A long period of play would go by with little in the way of action aside from persistent fouling from both sides in what eventually began to resemble a pitched battle more than a football match. Two injuries befell the Red Wolves as Reza and Gokdeniz Dag had to be taken off, though both will return for the Red Wolves next match. The best chance of this extended period of poor and scrappy play would fall to David Peterson who came on for Electrum. His shot was barely pushed wide by Iskender. The three points would be secured as Timuria substitute Yerkebulan Suyumbayev unleashed a powerful shot from range and it left the keeper Mills with nothing they could do about it as it crashed into the back of the net.

The result leaves the Red Wolves top after one match, with their next opponent Savojarna opening with a bore draw against South Newlandia who both share second place for now. The Red Wolves will now have a bye, where they will be able to recover from the physical ordeal of this match where both sides racked up numerous fouls and the quality of play was far below what most would have expected from these two sides.

What They Said After The Match:

Bekir Altingunes: "We're off to a good start, we knew today would be a unique challenge and it has been, but the players have come through for us and delivered a good win. We're going to be taking the brief break to take a look at why our attackers maybe weren't as successful as we would like, but a win is a win and even though it took us a little longer to get the breakthrough than we might have liked that's to Electrum's credit they're going to upend someone in this group and I'm glad that it wasn't us. We'll be looking ahead to the Savojarna match and despite the injuries today I think we'll have our full strength squad back and we'll be working out how to unlock that excellent side."

Player Ratings:

Iskender Nur 7/10 - Made a series of critical saves that secured the result and gave a boost to the side at a critical time.

Ozbek Sarikaya 7/10 - The elder statesman on the side put in a brilliant physical performance that made him look 10 years younger.

Kemal Colak 7/10 - Looked excellent in his tackling today and helped to distribute the ball out of defence accurately and quickly.

Berker Balkan 7/10 - Was formidable and commanding in the air, stopping everything that came his way.

Gokdeniz Dag 6/10 - He was looking good until he was taken off with what looked like a fairly nasty injury, though he's expected to return next match.

Ertan Renda 6/10 - He struggled to complete his passes today, which naturally meant that it wasn't a great day for him.

Reza Karaduman 7/10 - Had a very good day before he had to be taken off with a knock he took during a collision with Julius van Buren.

Caner Turan 6/10 - Had a rather routine day where he was moved over to the right as Volkan was taken off, but didn't look especially good, or bad.

Vatan Ercetin 6/10 - A surprisingly quiet day for the show stealing attacking midfielder, he looked nervous at times which struck many of us as unusual.

Volkan Ayhan 5/10 - He was kept quiet today and didn't look like he was going to be much danger for the opposition.

Ismail Burhan 8/10 - A well taken goal and an excellent assist for the complete forward on a day where he enhanced his reputation.

Substitutes:

Yerkebulan Suyumbayev 7/10 - He was thrown on to try to make something happen and well, something happened, a well earned goal for the young left winger.

Sabah Tanriseven 6/10 - Didn't have a tremendous impact when he was brought on for Reza, but he conducted his defensive duties well.

Yildiray Sabuktiginoglu 6/10 - He came on for the injured Gokdeniz and helped the defence see out the match.

Person of the Match: Ismail Burhan - His performance today justified Bekir Altingunes's trust in him, he managed to create one goal and score another on a day when the offence seemed pedestrian he added a shot of adrenalin that felt like it was missing and secured the opening three points.