Cup of Harmony 77 - everything thread

[Kelssek]

Scroll down for 3rd-place qualifiers, seeding, and matchups.

Group 1
Mercedini 1–0 The Jovannic
Euran Oceania Territories 1–1 Ethane

  Group 1                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Tequilo                     4   3  1  0   13   5  +8   10 Q
2 Mercedini                   4   2  2  0    8   4  +4    8 Q
3 Ethane                      4   1  2  1    9   8  +1    5
4 The Jovannic                4   1  0  3    5  11  −6    3
5 Euran Oceania Territories   4   0  1  3    4  11  −7    1

Group 2
Krytenia 0–1 Chromatika
Blouman Empire 4–3 Talamia

  Group 2                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Krytenia                    4   3  0  1   11   6  +5    9 Q
2 Northwest Kalactin          4   2  1  1    9   6  +3    7 Q
3 Chromatika                  4   2  0  2    9   9   0    6
4 Talamia                     4   1  1  2    9  11  −2    4
5 Blouman Empire              4   1  0  3   10  16  −6    3

Group 3
Legalese 2–2 The Sarian
Oberour Ar Moro 4–3 South Covello

  Group 3                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Squornshelous               4   3  0  1   13  10  +3    9 Q
2 South Covello               4   1  2  1    9   7  +2    5 Q
3 The Sarian                  4   1  2  1    7   7   0    5
4 Legalese                    4   1  2  1    8  11  −3    5
5 Oberour Ar Moro             4   1  0  3    9  11  −2    3

Group 4
Maccian 1–2 Kandorith
Delaclava 1–0 Filindostan

  Group 4                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts
1 Vdara                       4   3  0  1   18  14  +4    9 Q
2 Kandorith                   4   2  1  1   15  14  +1    7 Q
3 Delaclava                   4   1  1  2   11  12  −1    4
4 Filindostan                 4   1  1  2    8   9  −1    4
5 Maccian                     4   1  1  2    9  12  −3    4

Group 5
Kohnhead 1–0 Flavovespia
Eastfield Lodge 0–0 Alba and Cymru

  Group 5                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kohnhead                    4   3  1  0    8   3  +5   10 Q
2 Flavovespia                 4   3  0  1    8   3  +5    9 Q
3 Eastfield Lodge             4   1  1  2    5   9  −4    4
4 Alba and Cymru              4   0  3  1    1   3  −2    3
5 New Lusitania               4   0  1  3    1   5  −4    1

Group 6
TJUN-ia 2–1 Sharktail
Eraman 0–0 Garifunya

  Group 6                   Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 TJUN-ia                     4   3  0  1    7   3  +4    9 Q
2 Sharktail                   4   2  1  1    9   8  +1    7 Q
3 Jeruselem                   4   2  0  2    6   5  +1    6
4 Eraman                      4   1  2  1    8   9  −1    5
5 Garifunya                   4   0  1  3    0   5  −5    1

Seeding

Seed                        Pld    W    D    L    GF  GA   GD   Pts
  1 Tequilo                   4    3    1    0    13   5    8    10
  2 Busoga Islands            4    3    1    0    13   6    7    10
  3 Kohnhead                  4    3    1    0     8   3    5    10
  4 Astograth                 4    3    1    0     6   2    4    10
  5 Darmen                    4    3    1    0     8   5    3    10
  6 Krytenia                  4    3    0    1    11   6    5     9
  7 Vdara                     4    3    0    1    18  14    4     9
  8 Geektopia                 4    3    0    1     9   5    4     9
  9 TJUN-ia                   4    3    0    1     7   3    4     9
 10 Squornshelous             4    3    0    1    13  10    3     9
 11 Twicetagria               4    3    0    1     9   7    2     9
 12 South Newlandia           4    2    2    0     5   3    2     8
---- Second-place teams ----
 13 Flavovespia               4    3    0    1     8   3    5    9
 14 Riena                     4    2    2    0     9   3    6    8
 15 Mercedini                 4    2    2    0     8   4    4    8
 16 Northwest Kalactin        4    2    1    1     9   6    3    7
 17 Timuria                   4    2    1    1     9   7    2    7
 18 Valladares                4    2    1    1    12  10    2    7
 19 Kandorith                 4    2    1    1    15  14    1    7
 20 Sharktail                 4    2    1    1     9   8    1    7
 21 Omerica                   4    2    1    1     7   7    0    7
 22 Port Ember                4    2    0    2     7   6    1    6
 23 I.A. Quebec               4    2    0    2     7   8   -1    6
 24 South Covello             4    1    2    1     9   7    2    5
---- Third-place teams ----
 25 Savojarna                 4    2    1    1    3    2    1    7
 26 Jeruselem                 4    2    0    2    6    5    1    6
 27 Chromatika                4    2    0    2    9    9    0    6
 28 West Pocono               4    2    0    2    4    5    1    6
 29 Ethane                    4    1    2    1    9    8    1    5
 30 The Sarian                4    1    2    1    7    7    0    5
 31 Poafmersia                4    1    2    1    7    8   -1    5
 32 Trolleborg                4    1    1    2    5    4    1    4
  X Mavinet                   4    1    1    2    6    7   -1    4
  X Delaclava                 4    1    1    2   11   12   -1    4
  X Balqia                    4    1    1    2    2    3   -1    4
  X Eastfield Lodge           4    1    1    2    5    9   -4    4

Round of 32 fixtures (seeded bracket, for reference)
Zwangzug
Tequilo vs. Trolleborg - Ayathen Arena, Keppal City
Timuria vs. Northwest Kalactin - Pacific Field, Bassabook
TJUN-ia vs. South Covello - Bug House, Twineur
Geektopia vs. Savojarna - Sector 32 Park, Sharag
Darmen vs. West Pocono - ZS^3, Zwischen
South Newlandia vs. Omerica - Janaki Gardens, Guariday
Flavovespia vs. Sharktail - City Athletic Venue, Arlington
Ethane vs. Astograth - Kyogijo Concord, Trink

Kelssek
Kohnhead vs. The Sarian - Stade Outineau, Outineau
Kandorith vs. Riena - Stade de la Pacifique, Langlois
Twicetagria vs. Port Ember - Waterfront Dome, Kirkenes
Krytenia vs. Chromatika - Stadium of the Stars, Ulyanof
Vdara vs. Jeruselem - Millennium Park, Redswyth
Squornshelous vs. Independent Athletes from Quebec - Bowreach, Vickery
Mercedini vs. Valladares - Kingswharf, Breton
Busoga Islands vs. Poafmersia - Stadium Konoha, Burnaby

[Geektopia]

Geektivities
*Be cool, be woke.
Reports done by McCallister, our new sports editor.

---

Brilliant bounding myriads of joy on last matchday

Geektopia 4-3 Valladares

Goals: 10' (Andreen | assist provided by Sudlow | Geektopia), 20' (Barella | assist provided by Sudlow | Geektopia), 44' (Wilfried Baume | assist provided by Leonardo Rojas | Valladares), 59' (Wilfried Baume | assist provided by Martín Delgado | Valladares), 63' (Barella | assist provided by Medine | Geektopia), 71' (Andreen | assist provided by Loui | Geektopia), 90' (Alexandre | assist provided by Christian O'Brien | Valladares)

Player Ratings

Leabo: 7.0
Osorto: 7.0
Loui: 7.5
Barella: 9.0
Crete: 7.0
Pillars: 7.0
Andreen: 9.0
Sudlow: 8.0
Resendis: 7.0
Medine: 7.5
Houg: 7.0

---

GKTA kicked off with a do-or-die match, the latter being Dingledine's trustworthy reputation in home country, for he was replaced by assistant manager La Touche at gameside in Forbridge. "travelling complications" he said, although the gaffer was present versus Barunia the other day. A defeat on a bad day without Dingle's everloving guidance would also mean that the Greens would have to clutch a third place spot on six points to advance anyways, and with the threat of Newmanistan and conceding five goals, a loss wasn't acceptable in the grand scheme of things. Touche brought out a subbing youngster in Balin, for reason of having better consistency than Houg, the player to sub out. Balin, in his unspectacularfulness didn't knock up a goal nor an assist, but was unlucky to pass to a player that assisted one of Geektopia's four goals.

The affair had begun encouragingly for the Valladars, who almost took an eighth-minute lead but saw theirselves counterattacked by the Nine-Man Gambit maneuver which involved Barella passing to Pillars, who would then pass ball to the useless Houg who would do something useful, longing it for Osorto to pick up as he'd further the attacking play in Medine, once the defense thickened to him, the best under pressure forward ball would be made to a disfigured-looking Loui, who'd fake a shot, then pass to Crete, who'd discreetly back it to Sudlow, who looked to always assist in this game as he swept forward then looked for a man to score in Andreen. That's pretty much how GKTA envisioned and hoped it would look like, a simple but winding counterattack which saw nine out of ten players involved for the one-two.

The Geeks would play proud and stray from the tactics that were given in an effort of not looking too "predictable". This way of thinking wasn't irresponsible for now as Geektopia ensured their knockout debut through another swift counterattack where Valladares, again, had a lot of the ball before an onrush of blue and light blue jerseys. One thing led to the next from a swift and suave looking Barella free-kick, and Geektopia were up two-nil. Just before half-time though, came a closed-off looking goal that really seemed to bend in the air to go in net.

The aforementioned way of thinking to stray away from a 2-4-8-0-7-1-3-6-5 did make the Greens pay as it always looked to, Valladares equalized from two down, and the vulnerable Geeks looked to muffle this rebellion early afterwards, which they achieved four minutes on as they stuck to their original attack with a twist of Medine switching places with Sudlow to assist Barella again, it wasn't back to the olden, first-half days yet for GKTA, for they were only one goal in front. The Geeks wanted another goal, and so they got it from a corner leading to an Andreen header. No one knows who the corner boy was, but this goal would prove essential for GKTA to win the game and the group, although tieing would have already done good. An equalizing goal at the ninetieth would be absolutely heartdrenching in any regards, but Dingledine's day off was not spoiled, and it had confirmed the first entry into a WCC knockout stage in the Greens' history.

---

Greens not heralded to keep up with Savojarna, here are the average ratings for our players. We keep the top five, and replace the bottom five with our blooming youth products three thousand years down the line, when WC86 pops up. The goalkeeper will always be replaced by somebody, doesn't matter if they were back-boning the back line or not.

1. Andreen: 7.5
1. Sudlow: 7.5
3. Barella: 7.375
4. Crete: 7.25
5. Osorto: 7
-----------------------------------
5. Pillars: 7
7. Loui: 6.875
7. Medine: 6.875
9. Houg: 6.75
9. Resendis: 6.75

[Jeruselem]

Daisy Cutter and Jeruselem manager Boris Lancaster ...

Daisy:
This is Daisy Cutter for Naked News Jeruselem at the Cup of Harmony 77 in Kelssek. I'm with the Jeruselem manager Boris Lancaster here. Today on match day 5 of the group stage, where have played all our games and wait for the results of the other two games in Group 6. Not ideal but that's the way it is.

Boris: Hey hey
Daisy: We had the bye, and as discussed later show, we had our fate in the hands of other teams. And we discussed the scenarios where we could stay in 3rd spot. Now for reality, what was going to happen?
Boris: Well, I said things would work out and not to worry.
Daisy: Yeah you always bloody say that
Boris: I'm right ... well most of the time
Daisy: We had TJUN-ia vs Sharktail, and Eraman vs Garifunya. Garifunya were eliminated already.
Boris: I guess we were kinda going be as well hey

Daisy:
In the battle of 1st vs 2nd, TJUN-ia vs Sharktail.
TJUN-ia beat Sharktail 2-1 a result we didn't actually want.
We really wanted Sharktail to win as it would leave TJUN-ia on the same points as us.
But TJUN-ia did win and we had no control over that result.
This meant TJUN-ia won Group 6 with 9 points and Sharktail were 2nd on 7.
They just switched positions from last round.

Boris: I guess that game was important but those two were always going lead the table and make the next round.

Daisy:
In the battle of 4th vs 5th, Eraman vs Garifunya.
Garifunya were eliminated anyway.
Eraman had to win, a draw or loss was not an option if they wanted to take 3rd spot.
Well lucky for us Eraman who really should have won, seriously - drew 0-0 with Garifunya.
Lucky us, it means we stayed 3rd in Group 6.

Boris: All good
Daisy: Well, the consequence is we aren't eliminated but we face Vdara at Millennium Park, Redswyth.
Boris: We can beat them, well anyone can win this cup.

Daisy:
In Group 4, Vdara won the group with 3 wins and 1 loss. Scoring 18 goals and conceding 14.
Jeruselem won 2 and lost 2. Scoring like 6 goals and conceding 5 goals.
Based on these results, you'd think Vdara would be favourite.
But we don't score a lot, but our measly defense could save us - we just need to score the winning goals.
Our downfall is the lack of goals, which explains our two losses.

Boris: Yes we don't look that great based on results but we're here and we can win.
Daisy: We need to score, how we going fix that without breaking our defense.
Boris: I have a plan
Daisy: You had a plan for our last game, that didn't work.
Boris: This one will work, don't worry.

Daisy:
OK
Quebec made the next round too.
They face Squornshelous in Kelssek,Bowreach, Vickery.
Quebec were 2nd in their group, 2 wins and 2 losses. Like us! 7 goals scored, a bit low for them and 8 conceded.
Squornshelous won their group, 3 wins and 1 loss. 13 goals scored and 10 conceded.
Surely, Squornshelous look like the most likely to win this one too.

Boris: I put my money on Quebec.
Daisy: Going for the underdog?
Boris: Yes, they have more to show.
Daisy: So, our defense is great. But goals ... we aren't scoring enough. 6 in 4 games is not winning material.
Boris: We're here and we can get better.
Daisy: Got a plan, then?

Boris: Yeah
Daisy: Better be better than previous ones ...
Boris: It is
Daisy: Yes, that's it from me and ... him. A full round up for the Cup of Harmony 77 round of 32 finalists, err won't be done by me. I gots no idea. Someone in studio will do that one, probably someone who knows football. Princess Kate that is.
Boris: I've never seen you on the football field.
Daisy: Me? I trip myself over. I'm no threat on anyone playing football.


OOC
Group 6
TJUN-ia 2–1 Sharktail
Eraman 0–0 Garifunya

Round of 32
Vdara vs. Jeruselem - Millennium Park, Redswyth

[Xanneria]

Maroons pull upset draw over Busorga with a curse looming over their shoulders
By Steve Stevenson

ZWANGZUG - An emotional draw may not have sent the Maroons onward but it was a need point emotionally as the Xannerian team is still reeling from a skywalk collapse outside of the Dean Stadium in Catalan City during a Domestic game between Catalan City ISC and Mainland FC saw 25 fans injured and 8 dead after a walkway between parking lot collapsed. Many fans may know this as the stadium only a few years ago where the last COH was played in which groundskeepers could not swap out the pitchers mound and rubber fast enough for the COH, this is actually giving some fans an outlet to say Xanerria is cursed till they host another CoH. For this gameXanneria was given permission to wear their black home uniforms even though they had been designated as the "away team". Also both teams wore black armbands. The motivation was enough to take a team who many though had been worn out from the domestic season to take on a power of the CoH in Busoga, Busoga looked good early controlling the ball deep in Xanneria territory and came out with two goals. One at the 17th minute mark had seen a Ikshu Amitabh penalty Kick taken after a Xannerian player finally got yellow carded by an unknowing ref (It seems the trend had been going towards less calls against Xanneria and more for the Maroons opponents, but this bucked the trend.)

Nothing that Evan Jefferson the old veteran could do could stop the kick. Another kick by Amitabh saw him score 15 minutes later, but then despite all odds, Jefferson, the old man whose come back this cycle as a player coach showed his wits and started acting like the young buck he was. Kick after kick was stopped and he turned into a literal brick wall as if he played for Syle, the old man showed the veteran Busoga keeper Hibbaan al-Shareef did nothing to help his cause in free agency as after halftime the Busoga team looked flat and morally defeated for some unknown reason. nearly an hour in and Xanneria got on the board from a Richard Presintino goal. But it seemed like it was still a lost cause to get any form of points. A hero was needed, and the most appropriate one came to the forefront. Jox Alirome a midfielder who himself is from Catalin City, the home of the disaster at the seemingly cursed "Dean Stadium" and a hero to ISC Catalan City fans everywhere made a penalty kick in place at the 87 minute mark to score the game tying goal. Alirome replaced Frenchesca Bonchek who had been substituted for Aaron Braddock. Alirome was the choice as Coach Rhule said

It was theraputic for Jox, he handled it well and did what he had to, it's just a shame we couldn't truely get over the hump after the bad weather two days ago. Hopefully we'll cruise in the CE next year, and do well there. I guess those druggies in Newmanistan may get in our way but we'll bust through.

In the end this third place tie saw none of the teams make it through the next round as Xanneria and co were only the 33rd best team.

Busorga Islands - 2
Amitabh 17' 33'



Xanneria - 2
Presintino 59'
Alirome 87'

[Delaclava]

After big final victory, Phoenixes look back on season with pride

Artem Kohut scored the lone goal of the match and the Phoenixes capped off a surprisingly strong first season in return with a second top-50 victory, 1-0 over Filindostan in their final match of the season.

The chances of advancing to the round of 32 were slim, and while Delaclava pressed with offensive substitutions in an attempt to increase their goal differential and win a "lucky loser" berth, the efforts were futile and the Phoenixes were instead left to be satisfied with the victory itself, in which they were superior to Group 4's top seed at every stage of the game and never looked threatened to surrender the lead after Kohut's 28th-minute finishing strike on a counter attack led by a Dathan Ingram tackle in the midfield.

In postgame press, the players were aware of how close they came to continuing their season - especially given what could only be considered missed opportunities in the earlier games of the tournament - but were choosing to look at the expectations they ended up surpassing.

"We came together off no experience, no chemistry, only hopes but no promises," captain Keaton Durbridge said. "It was really tough at times this season, but at every turn we tried to find the silver lining, a glimmer of a chance that would motivate us to keep pushing forward.

"And in the end, we didn't do so bad for ourselves."

The Phoenixes finished with a record of 15-11-23 in 49 games played, with a home record in qualifiers and friendlies of 6-5-7 in 18 games played. The highlights of the season included a four-game winning streak at the Wonder Cup in Qasden which culminated in a Moon Bracket championship, a 9-7-8 record in qualifying to finish sixth of 13 in the group, and a 2-1 home victory over Jeruselem.

The Phoenixes' weaknesses came from occasional bouts of streakiness, evinced by a seven-game losing streak that started in pre-qualifying friendlies and extended to the qualification stage itself. Delaclava then came out of qualifying on another bad run of four losses in five games. However, many friendlies were deliberately scheduled against tougher oppositions, and the Phoenixes showed the ability to eventually rebound from these lows.

"We've seen the level we're capable of," team scoring leader Lukas Meyer said, "and we've also experienced the level we want to get to. It won't get any easier, but we're really excited for the challenge. This is a group that's up for it."

The unquestionable low point of the season was the team misconduct that led to the desertion of Ryan Keating, the dismissal of twelve players from the squad, and the sacking of manager Tim Landers. But the Delaclava team showed more resiliency than ever, putting together a new team almost overnight, winning a handful of games and unearthing boundless potential - most notably in the form of offensive phenom Kohut.

"It was really intimidating to come into the rapport that'd already been built, not to mention go against some of the best players out there," Kohut admitted. "But the core that was there was intent on taking the new guys in and making it work.

"The old guys there were really hurting from that scandal. They wanted to be focused purely on their performance and felt like some of their own had taken that away. But all we could do was go about our business, with the new attitude, 100% focus. And it worked. That's what this team is now."

While manager Johannes Detmer floated the possibility of playing one more match against a select opponent, he confirmed that otherwise the Phoenixes would be done for the season.

"They've worked very hard all season, taken on some great opposing teams, and improved in spades from the first game I saw," Detmer proclaimed. "I encouraged them, go home. Maybe make the short trip to Mriin, watch the rest of the World Cup, immerse yourselves in the atmosphere, where you want to be someday.

"But other than that, we've played our last football today. At this moment, we have nothing left to prove."

Those last words couldn't be truer. While the consistency will later come, the Delaclava national football team, in one season, showed at their best that they can beat the best teams, hang with the very best teams, score at will, shut down opposing offenses, erase deficits, lock up leads - and most importantly, respond to adversity and come back stronger.

The road to the top of football is rough, jagged, and crowded. This team is made for it.

Delaclava 1-0 Filindostan

DEL, Kohut (Meyer, Ingram) 28'.

DEL, Ross; Cicak, Gusev, Joseph (Berrera 64'); Ingram, Girardi, Campbell (Hovhannisyan 83'), Albert (Rogers 75'), Durbridge; Kohut, Meyer.

[PotatoFarmers]

Astograth 2
Duarte 39'
Doyenard 53'

Poafmersia 0

Starting 11 - Sandi Jaliaha; Graciia Warisian, Pasits Rikachz, Danzik Hoboson (c), Timothy Gausun; Daas Taisg, Terezia Campos, Gisiik Moonar; Joel Haodao, Bytia Hisel, Aubrey Mayer
Substitutes - Alex Hoboson (Rikachz 37'); Shakira Handris (Hisel 55'); Denise Pickford (Gausun 79')

For Adnan, he was in absolutely no mood to talk to anyone the night in the hotel room. For him, there was only one question - Is our Cup of Harmony journey going to end like that?
The thought of bowing out as one of the lower few 3rd placed teams was frighteningly similar to what happened 2 years ago, where a win against Hampton Island (who have, by the way, outperformed the Red Panjias by playing in the World Cup proper) was not enough to send Poafmersia into the knockout stages. Unlike then, where all the matches were played in the same day with just 1-2 hour difference, Poafmersia had to wait over 6 hours to find out their fate as 12 other matches played out in Kelssek. 5 points was okay, but it is nowhere near the safe limits.
The match against Astograth brought back memories of the loss against Twicetagria in the pre-CoH friendlies. Then, it was Poafmersia playing 3-4-3, before an injury to Donk Mason changed the tempo of the game and caused the opposition to sneak in goals. This time round, it was Pasits Rikachz who got injured after falling to the ground from a hard tackle. Rikachz's injury really upset the tempo of the side, as the Red Panjias went out to defend all the way and score on the counter-attack. Alex Hoboson came on, but Alex's expertise was in playing the game of out running the opponents and beating them on pace, not in parking the bus. Duarte, Astograth's creative midfielder, opened the scoring in the 39th minute, further setting back the Poafmersian team. A header by Doyenard through a corner after the half-time break was enough to seal the win. With Port Ember defeating Huayramarca, Poafmersia dropped straight to 3rd place and had to wait for other results to go their way.
For Adnan, he couldn't sleep. He stayed in his hotel room alone, hoping and praying that not too many good results happened in the other half, in Kelssek. Katiri Hedge was the more optimistic person this time round, calling on the team to only pack some of their stuff with the hopes that they could stay in Zwangzug for the next half of their Cup of Harmony journey. Being the 3rd best out of the 6 third-placed teams for Groups 7-12, Katiri could not be more optimistic. It turned out that he was partially right - that Poafmersia could get into the knockout stages. But just like what happened 4 years ago during the Baptism of Fire, they had to leave Zwangzug and go to the second host nation - Kelssek.
But the attention turned towards the draw, which Adnan was super upset about. Being the 31st best qualifier, we got drawn against the 2nd best qualifier...which is Busoga Islands. Strangely enough, this new chapter of the World Cup Qualifier and then Cup of Harmony seems like a reunion of sorts. Poafmersia has never played against Busoga Islands, but the players could probably take inspiration from Banija, one of the footballing powerhouses around. A huge number of players in their national team play within the Banijan football pyramid, and surely Banijan football has some influence on their football. Katiri pointed out that you cannot simply judge one side until you play them, which is probably some sound advice. After all, we thought Quebec was quite an okay team until we played them the first time round. And considering that this Busoga Islands side defeated Quebec in the Cup of Harmony, the coaches believe that nothing much can be done but to stick with a traditional Poafmersian game plan. The main priority is to win this match, but after that, the journey is super difficult. If Poafmersia gets past Busoga Islands, they then play the winner of Mercedini and Valladares, both sides which are no joke and provide a stern challenge. Vdara, Jeruselem, Squornshelous, or even Quebec would await the Red Panjias in the Quarterfinals should they advance that far. But really, rather than think about so far down the knockout stages, they have to think how to get past a Busoga Islands side which is in tip-top form. At least the players believe they can win the match, because Poafmersia's record in knockout stages of big tournaments have been quite colourful.

Starting 11 against Busoga Islands - Sandi Jaliaha; Alex Pickford, Danzik Hoboson (c), Alex Hoboson, Timothy Gausun; Daas Taisg, Terezia Campos, Gisiik Moonar; Joel Haodao, Shakira Handris, Pete Carisa

[Busoga Islands]

Bethany Donnell, Post-Game Press Conference

Bethany Donnell, the Busoga Islands manager, walked up to the podium after the Busoga Islands v. Xanneria match. With the group having already been clinched the matchday before in the Islanders 5-1 win over the household appliances of Sylestone, she was looking past the Pot 1 side and into the knockout stages. It was, of course, too much before the match to look into possible Round of 32 opponent, but now that the dust was settled across Zwangzug and Kelssek, their opponent would be clear- they'd have a date with Poafmersia in the Round of 32.

Busoga Chronicle: How do you feel about your team's performance today? Are you happy with the performance? Do you feel as if your team should have come away with more points today?

Bethany Donnell: Well, you know, Xanneria is a tough opponent. They get forward aggressively and in neighbors, and it is a style of play that, combined with their level of talent, is extremely difficult to defend against. Our team has played extremely well in the Cup of Harmony so far, and I think that, all things considering, we played a fairly decent game. Are we happy with the result? Of course not. Blowing a 2-0 lead is never what you want to see. But in the grand scheme of things, we are not too stressed about it.

I saw that we finished 2nd in the overall group table, which makes us the #2 overall seed for the knockout stages. We've got a tough opponent in Poafmersia. I haven't watched much film on them yet, we just got out of the Xanneria match. But I know a little bit about them off-hand. They are a strong team, and come with passionate fans. It will be a fun match, regardless of outcome.

All-Banija Sports Magazine: 10 points in four games. #2 overall seed. Did you expect the knockout stages to go this well?

Bethany Donnell: Did I expect us to do what we had to do to get out of this group? I would say yes. Did I expect us to get 10 points, especially in the fashion that we have? I would be lying if I said so. But this team has always been capable- and the group stages, you saw just how good this team can be when we are playing at our free-flowing best. We saw glimpses of it in World Cup Qualifying. Our draws against Kita-Hinode. Our road win in Kohnhead. The talent and chemistry are there. The consistency? Not always.

There are no rewards for making the knockout stages in terms of opponents. Poafmersia is ranked 3 spots ahead of us. Mercedini or Valladares behind them are both ranked even higher. From here on out, it is going to be tough opponent after tough opponent. In our history, we've never won a knockout stage match at a major tournament. We want that to end here.

Dukuma Eagle: Who were the biggest players for the team during group play? Who has to step up in the knockout stages?

Bethany Donnell: This is a team of 23, not just a group of 23 individuals. Plenty of players stood out, had excellent performances. It takes the collective to have a strong group stage out of nowhere, and we absolutely had one. And, of course, we had individuals step up. Amitabh had five first half goals in our last two group stage matches- he had a hat trick within 5 minutes against Sylestone, and he scored twice in the first half today against Xanneria. I believe that he's a truly world class talent, and he'll have a great time of it in Havynwilde. Six goals in the last three games is an absolutely blistering pace, and he's truly in the form of his life. He'll be a lot for Poafmersia to handle.

But although he gets the accolades from goal-scoring, there are other players who have been strong as well. al-Shareef, the team's beating heart, has been a showstopper in front of goal. There's a reason he won the golden glove in the BSL- because he's a top rated keeper, even at his age. Kamu Jacobs has been excellent as always. Jay Khano has been out there too, playing with strength and power and playing selflessly for the good of the team.

We need to continue playing as we have been in the knockout stages. The knockouts are a different beast entirely. We've had the proper mental approach so far- superior focus, and yet, not letting the moment get to us. We need to maintain that. Every game from here on out, the lights will get a little bit brighter. It's do or die. There must be a winner. We've got to keep our wits. If we can do that, then I truly believe that we can succeed and take on Poafmersia.

ANy last questions?"

Lakiska Post: Quick question. We're in Zwangzug right now. They're in the quarterfinals against Banija of the World Cup. Who do you got?

Bethany Donnell: Well, they'd fire me if I said Banija, right? everyone laughs. And considering we're currently in Zwangzug, although about to fly to Kelssek, I think they can win the chess match that will be that Quarterfinal. But I'm not thinking about the World Cup- I'm worried about the team in front of me. Go Islanders!

[TJUN-ia]

By Peter Davis
And so, it all came down to this. The battle for Group 6 would be decided in the Latrobe, a cultural hub of Kelssek. The Jaguars of TJUN-ia played the Blue Monster of Sharktail to decide who would win the group and who had to settle for a lower position. As the "home team" for this fixture, TJUN-ia would be in the blue and orange while Sharktail would be in white. David Seems, looking to qualify for his first knockout rounds as team manager, took on an already-qualified Blue Monster lead by a man 11 years the senior of Seems known simply as Sahami.

In fact, everyone from Sharktail was only known by their last names. I guess it is a tradition over there, but it greatly helped commentators around the multiverse who were covering the games. The first half saw no progress for either team, as both defences were committed to not slipping up in any way. There were plenty of chances for sure, but nothing that challenged either Gylfisson or David too much.

It would be the second half where all the drama would go down. A lack of concentration by Hidawi in the 49th minute allowed for Kepo Ulawaya to take possession and then shoot the ball past David. 1-0 Jags, but not for long. A rare communication error in the TJUN-ian defence allowed Alfi an easy shot at goal to level the game up in the 52nd. Then came more chances for both teams, but nothing went in. That is until the 86th minute when substitute Vijay Palalele of all people headed in a Pedro Vasquez without much in the way to stop him.

As the final whistle blew, both teams shook hands and congratulated each other on a great campaign. TJUN-ia had given Sharktail its only defeat to take Group 6 by two points. With Eraman playing out a goalless draw with Garifunya, it meant that Jeruselem also advanced. TJUN-ia, for only the third time, will play knockout football.

Now we must leave Kelssek. As the 9th seeds in the Round of 32, we must play the 24th seeds in Zwangzug. The opponents will be the 16th-ranked Rebels of South Covello and the venue will be the Bug House in the college-town of Twineur. Get your ID cards ready and pack your bags. TJUN-ia will play knockout football against the highest-ranked team in the tournament in the friendly confines of Wrigley. GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE
MD1: vs Jeruselem (42) - Griffin Park, Novonaya (39,200) W 2-0 (1st)
MD2: BYE (2nd)
MD3: vs Eraman (60) - Canada Stadium, Neorvins (66,300) L 0-2 (4th)
MD4: vs Garifunya (157) - Community Stadium, Arvika (34,700) W 3-0 (2nd)
MD5: vs Sharktail (109) - Macquarie Docklands, Latrobe (cap. 55,700) W 2-1 (1st)
Ro32: vs South Covello (13) - Bug House, Twineur, Zwangzug

[Vdara]

A Rise in Support

Following Vdara’s qualification to the Round of 32, many Vdarans who hadn’t even liked football before this Cup of Harmony began supporting the national team.

We interviewed some people on the streets of Chania to ask them if they supported the Vdarans after this qualification. Here are some of the responses:

”I’ve never really been much of a football person, but seeing Vdara do well has been a dream of mine for a while, so I may as well support the lads!” - Savvina Primatou, 61

”Loving Vdara is part of my life, so I may as well love them when they’re playing football, as well!” - Emmanouil Demetrioulis, 74

”WE LOVE VDARA, WE DO! WE LOVE VDARA, WE DO! WE LOVE, VDARA, WE DO! OH, VDARA WE LOVE YOU!” - Korina Katsaroglou, 35

Heartwarming. Anyhow, let’s switch our coverage over to the national team themselves, who are currently waiting for the Round of 32 draw result.

Hôtel des Pins Yorktown, Kirkenes, Kelssek

The whole national team, staff and all, were watching the draw live on TV, down in the hotel bar. A few autographs were signed, a couple of photos were taken, but other than that they were mostly left alone by their adoring fans. The Zwangzug section was over and done with, and Vdara’s name didn’t pop up, so the entire team kept on waiting.

While the team waited on Vdara to get drawn against somebody, Alexis Fotellis had a question for the manager.

”Hey, Lükækš, I meant to ask...

”What’s up, Alexis?”

”How did you manage to get the FA to fork out for such a nice hotel to stay in? Last Cup of Harmony, we were stuck at this little 2-star hostel with four players per room!”

”See, Alexis, there’s one thing you have to learn as a manager, and that’s to not take shit from anyone. The FA were going to try and stick us in a 3 star hotel over by the airport, but I told them that I wasn’t having my players in a three star hotel after that World Cup performance.”

”Huh, neat. Hey, look, we’ve been drawn!”

At this point, all eyes were drawn to the television. The players didn’t know that they could watch the English version of the draw, so they were watching the French-language version of the draw. Some of the players don’t even know English, either.

”Les équipes qui joueront au Parc du Millénaire de Redswyth seront:
Védara, qui a dominé le groupe quatre avec neuf points, contre... Jéruselem, qui s'est qualifié avec un maigre six points. Je suis sûr que ce sera un bon match, non? Ensuite, nous avons...”

Væñøœrëñbérghüïś looked quite satisfied with the draw, and he passed this sentiment onto the players.

”Jeruselem, eh? They’ll definitely be a tough opponent, but they struggled a lot more than we did. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Chirstoforos Lazelis looked confused, as he doesn’t speak French. Not many of players did.

”Where did they say we were playing again, Lükækš?”

”We’re going to Millennium Park again, over in Redswyth.”

”Oh, that’s shit. We lost last time we played there, remember?”

”Don’t worry about it. We’ve had three wins since then, no need to think it’s a curse specific to Millennium Park or that.”

Chirstoforos was still worried, however. For such a prolific goalscorer, he was still a very superstitious individual. There may very well be a curse at Millennium Park, but we won’t find that out until Vdara actually play against Jeruselem on July 1st.

[Squornshelous]

Recollection, Chapter 11
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

Markkus was surprised by the size of the crowd. He and the rest of them were gathered at an athletic apparel and equipment store in a working class neighborhood that the locals called Arlin Hill. In any case, it appeared to be a core area of support for Sporting Jaglan, the club that Vang had signed with. She was slated to hold a brief press conference here today along with the club's manager, one Ensio Kedar. The presser would be followed by a meet and greet open to the public. It seemed to Markkus like the only chance he was likely to get to meet with her. Having nothing else to do, he'd been free to head down early, and found a spot near the front of a line which eventually stretched back out of sight around the corner of the block. He wished for the fourth or fifth time that afternoon that he'd stopped to buy a scarf. Against the sea of prominent red and green, he felt painfully conspicuous in his nondescript outfit of grays and tans. He hadn't been expecting quite so many people. But he supposed with their national team falling one goal short of keeping their Cup of Harmony run alive, this was as good a distraction as any for the crestfallen Westies. He'd gathered from eavesdropping on the fans around him that last year had not been a good one for the club, though they seemed divided on whether signing Vang was a move that would actually turn their fortunes around, or simply a publicity stunt meant to shore up Kedar's job security. In either case, they were universally curious to see the mysterious Imperial who had come to join their club.

If only you knew one's standing right next to you.

Don't be unkind Markkus. No doubt they've made us out to be a race of hideous monsters these past 80-odd years. Some inquisitiveness is only natural.

The conclusion of the press conference portion of the event was marked by the departure of a veritable battalion of credential-toting journalists and a few photographers, though several of the latter remained inside to get some shots of Vang interacting with her new public. Club staff came to the door next, and began ushering fans inside. They followed along a winding path down aisles festooned with boots, balls, and a huge variety of athletic apparel of all kinds. After a few minutes of inching forward behind the others, Markkus reached the end of an aisle, and there she was. Vang was seated on the other side of a table draped in the same red and green stripes that everyone but him was wearing. In front of her, the procession of fans filed by one by one, exchanging a few words and presenting some object or other for her to autograph. At first glance, he was almost surprised that she looked no different than how he'd remembered. Her blonde hair was still cut in the same choppy bob she'd worn when he'd first met her in the dilapidated block of flats in the bomb-blighted former suburbs outside Kakrafoon. Somehow, he had expected her to look older. It had only been two years, yes, but they had been the longest two years of his life, and he was sure the strain he'd been under had left telltale marks on his face that would never fade. Vang didn't appear at all the worse for wear for whatever she'd been through since that night in Xanneria. If anything, she actually looked a bit younger than he'd remembered her. No, that's not quite right. She doesn't look younger. She looks happier. Thinking back, he couldn't remember a time when Vang hadn't worn a guarded expression around him, if not an outright frown. Something about the thought made him angry. What the hell happened that night that things have gone so well for her while I'm so miserable?

As one young fan moved on, autographed poster held safe against her chest, Vang's eyes drifted over the crowd, and past Markkus. The reaction wasn't immediate, she didn't appear to have really been focusing on anything in particular, but a second or so later a slight frown appeared on her face, and her gaze rapidly swept back up the line until it met his own. Her eyes widened, and she froze completely, then quickly turned and motioned a staffer over, speaking into her ear. Vang rose abruptly from the chair, and hustled toward the back of the store, as the staffer spoke up, explaining that the club's new star needed to use the restroom. To Markkus's experienced eye, the signal given to event security was as obvious as a police siren.

Dear me, Markkus. It doesn't appear that she's pleased to see you. You never were very good at making friends at work, were you?

Ignoring Melkochuk, Markkus shoved the man immediately in front of him aside and began striding forward, uncaring of the angry remarks from everyone around him.

"Vang, come back here. I need to talk to you." The nearest security guard had reached him by now, and tried to take him by the shoulder, but he twisted away and shoved the man in the chest, sending him stumbling backward. "It's about what happened in Xanneria. I need your help, Vang." The moment's reprieve the shove had earned him ended, and hands firmly seized both of his arms. Kicking futilely at the smooth linoleum floor, he thrashed back and forth between the men dragging him steadily toward the front door. "Let go of me, you don't understand, I know her. I have to talk to her."

"I don't care if you're her dear old dad, bud, you're done here."

The two deposited him unceremoniously on the sidewalk outside and stood side by side, arms crossed in the doorway. Later on, Holmgren couldn't remember exactly what he'd shouted at them, nothing coherent he was sure. He knew they'd had to physically prevent him from reentering the store, as he'd picked up a few scrapes and bruises in the process. Within a few minutes, a police vehicle had pulled up, and he'd been arrested. Now he was sitting in another holding cell. The only difference was, this time, he had no friends in high places to get him out. The only soul he knew in this entire country had fled at the sight of him, and he was probably going to be found out as a Squornshelan national any minute.

Well Markkus, I think that went rather well, don't you?

[South Covello]

Christina Archuleta's Predictions for Cup of Harmony 77 Round of 32

SoCo Goes Loco was temporarily taken offline due to severe thunderstorms knocking out the power to the studio, but Christina Archuleta was not to be deterred and instead made her "predictions" for the Round of 32 of the Cup of Harmony on the popular South Covello Soccer blog Gold and Red United.

Tequilo vs. Trolleborg: Oh boy, this is perhaps my most favorite matchup and it happens right off the bat. Tequila funsters against trolls and borgs. I like tequila, in fact I've draken 50 gallons of it in the last day. Dranken is a word, right? Anyway, sentient Tequila shots win 3-0 because yum time for another drinky poo!

Timuria vs. Northwest Kalactin: Who was it on the podcast who said Northwest Kalactin is like an Energizer Bunny that doesn't shut up? I like bunnies. My dad was the Easter Bunny. Or maybe he just pretended to be so we could celebrate Easter. I really don't know. But I like to think he magically transformed into the Easter Bunny every year, Santa Claus every Christmas, oh wait, we grew up in the Gregist days, didn't we, and there was only Gregmas and Creation Day. So I must just be making this up as a fever drunk dream. Anyway, I'm sure Northwest Kalactin is really sentinet bunny rabbits who are oh so cute since there's no way that could be a metaphor for anything, so I'll take the bunnies 2-1 in extra time since they won't shut up.

TJUN-ia vs. South Covello: What the hell is a TJUN-la? What's with the random capitalization? Anyway, I'm taking us since we are the land of kumquats and coconuts and kumquat coconut cake and I love kumquat coconut cake and oh boy a sapient bunny just flew by my window or maybe it was a bird. I'm not sure of the difference. Anyway, since this is magic and I can say whatever they want and everyone will believe me and laugh and say ha ha Christina you are so brilliant since that's what all my friends do and I'm sure they're not sarcastic since they would never do that, I say we win eleventy-seven to nil. Eleventy-seven's a number, right? It's desaydos plus breakfast times the square root of chicken? Something like that? Yay, we win over the stupid capitalization sensation that's sweeping the nation, just like constipation.

Geektopia vs. Savojarna: Nerd! Geek! Loser! You probably do math at lunch while playing your nerdy band instruments, Geektopia! And I've never met a nerd who was good at sports! When I was in high school, once the Gregists were overthrown and I could do what I wanted, I would pants the nerds and paint them green then tie them to the flagpole. Remarkably I was never expelled. But nerds deserve to be punished because they are nerds and geeks and nobody likes brains! I don't have brain smarts and I do just fine. Savojarna wins 8-0 since Nerdgeeks suck at sports.

Darmen vs. West Pocono: Isn't Darmen like, the best team other than us? And West Pocono is east of East Pocono, I'm sure. Since that's how geography works. It's called West Pocono since East Pocono is west of it. And yeah, Pocono my Okono, that's my new catch phrase. But West Pocono is so incredibly overrated, they were in our World Cup group and I didn't like them then and I don't like them now. They're just naughty children who don't know geography. Sort of like me only I'm an adult who likes kumquats and cake and muskrats and possums. Anyway, Darmen wins 2-0. What what? Yay yay, go Darmen the Carmen or whatever they are.

South Newlandia vs. Omerica: Is there an Oldlandia? Probably, that must be the home of the sapient kumquats. Oh how I'd love to eat a sapient kumquat but that seems like murder. I'll do it anyway. But we're talking about Newlandia, specifically its southern version, the one that is southern of the south of the north of the east of the west. Does that make sense? I don't know. I need more tequila shots. Anyway, Omerica wins 4-1 because Omerica sounds like Enrico who does my hair so fabulously and always tells me how smart and beautiful I am with my lovely haircut.

Flavovespia vs. Sharktail: Flavo Flav vs. the Baby Sharks. Hmmm, I like baby sharks, they're so cute and cuddly. I swam with them once. Or maybe they were dolphins. I'm really not sure. But I'd so love to swim with baby sharks again and maybe if Sharktail wins I will get to do so. So I will pick the Baby Sharks of Sharktail to win in penalties after a 1-1 draw because I just don't want to pick a team to win this game. Maybe it's the tequila talking, I really don't know. Also, I'm hungry. I'm going to get a kumquat cake and eat it while I type.

Ethane vs. Astograth: Astograth sounds like astronaut so they must be from the moon, right? Are they like Costa Luna? That nation that was full of geniuses who think llamas live in trees under the sea according to Lord Almighty Gregory? That was a bit odd propaganda since it was so obvious from that show that they were so much smarter than most of us - they realized three wasn't a number. Brilliant of them. They realized llamas live in trees under the sea. Brilliant of them. Because we all know llamas live in trees under the sea. Or is that just me who realizes that? Anyway, Astronauts of Moon Unit beat the toxic gas of Ethane 3-0 because now three is a number again, it can be when I want it to be and not when I don't because it's magical that way.

Kohnhead vs. The Sarian: People call me a Kohnhead all the time. Or maybe it's a dumb blockhead. But yeah, The Sarian played an extremely boring game with us in the group stage, but Kohnhead sounds like an exciting band that throws marzipan into the crowd when they are done playing and I want to watch such a band. Also now that I am done with my kumquat cake which looks and tastes exactly like tequila I am going to eat marzipan that looks and tastes exactly like tequila. But first, I am predicting that Kohnhead wins 4-3 because yay marzipan.

Twicetargia vs. Port Ember: Port Ember? Is that a port that's on fire? Sounds fun. I like fire. I will set this cheese that looks and tastes exactly like tequila on fire and then eat or drink it. Wow, that's good. But maybe I shouldn't have eaten the glass it came in. Now my stomach hurts. I should probably call a doctor but I have to pick these games first. So because I don't know who or what a Twicetargia is, but it sounds like a supermarket chain, I am picking Port Ember to commit arson and burn down the supermarket, winning 6-3.

Krytenia vs. Chromatika: Krytie, mate, is what the Turtle Hunter says. Is it not? So obviously Krytenia is home to sentient turtles, like Squirtle. So Squirtle and the Turtles are awesome and is Squirtle sentient too? I assume so if he's a Krytie, mate. Anyway, the Krytie Turtle/Squirtles beat Chromatika 2-0 because I think Chromatika isn't even real and is an imaginary place just like Saintland. That's why they call it Ain't Land, because it Ain't Real. But only me and the fake Costa Lunians know that, not even the real Costa Lunians who live on the coast of the moon.

Vdara vs. Jeruselem: This should be interesting. We have the naked princesses of Jeruselem in this one. But the uniform is clearly defined in the rulebook so how can they play naked? Although we have talking ponies somehow so I guess rules don't matter anymore. Anyway, the naked princesses are probably beauty queens who, like the beauty queen who is writing this, are so beautiful and naked and drunk on Tequila that they will distract the Vdara players and score endlessly unopposed, winning 1093-0. Speaking of which, time for more tequila!

Sqournshelous vs. Independent Athletes from Quebec: Squishy Squishy Squishy Time! Squishyshelous is perhaps my favorite team other than the Tequila World team. Squishy is good! I will play with my Squishy and he will be my Squishy! Meanwhile Fruity Quebbles is a cereal, not a country. Squishy beats Cereal, hands down. Final score 3-2.

Mercidini vs. Valladares: Valladares is pronounced like Valarie-Darris only with a few silent syllables. And I have a bff named Valarie Darris. I wonder if they're related. Can a person be related to a country? Maybe it's named after her and they dropped a few syllables over the years. She does go by Val sometimes, and I think her middle name is Artichoke with begins with an A. So she could be Val A. Darris! It all fits! My biffle is secretly the Queen of Valladares and they named the country after her! Obviously I'm picking her country since she won't share her tequila with me if I don't and that would be a tragedy. Valerie wins 4-0. Speaking of tequila, time for more tequila!

Busoga Islands vs. Poafmersia: Are either of these countries where they invented tequila? No, that's Tequila World and we already dealt with them in the first game. But Busoga Islands sounds like bus and I like party buses where I can drink lots of tequila, speaking of which I'll drink more now and pick the Party Bus Islands to win 4-2 and that is it for this article so time to drink more tequila!

[Northwest Kalactin]

Northwest Kalactin Gets Drawn With Timuria In Round of 32
Well, after match day 4 the Kalactanians had a Knockout Round spot clinched. They where able to spend the night before the next matches just having fun because they really didn’t have to worry about how they played the next day. What they did have to worry about though is how the other teams played. They where technically at risk of being bumped down to a third place spot, however this was extremely unlikely as they would have to watch Talamia win by multiple goals if they were going to end up finishing in third. Hell, Talamia didn’t even finish in the third spot of their group. It was Chromatika who would claim third, as they needed up beating first place Krytenia to secure a third place spot. Talamia on the other hand, lost in a large surprise to the Blouman Empire, who showed large struggles for the entirety of the tournament. The match ended in a 4-3 Blouman win, and both sides would end to to go on and not qualify for any Knockout Stage for this tournament. The Kalactanians sure had a great tournament, they showed a defensive touch that hadn’t been seen in other tournaments and also kept their offense running well. The Kalactanians got drawn with Talamia, who had a pretty good showing theirselves this tournament. They went on to finish second in a tough group which included Savojarna along with the up-and coming South Newlandia. They had by far the best offense on their group, finishing with 9 goals, 4 more than any team in their group. Timuria will certainly be a very hard match for the team, but we think that they will be able to overcome to odds and play them to a good game, possibly come out with a nice win.

Zwangzug
The entire Kalactanian team files into the hotel for their first night in Zwangzug. Coach Damon leads the team and registers into the hotel. They go throw their stuff in the rooms and stroll into the hotel conference room for a speech by the coach.

”Well boys, I’m going to make this quick, need some sleep, the jet lag was horrible, how many time zones are we away from Kelssek? Anyways, we have a touch opponent coming up, Timuria, I think we will be able to pull off a win against them. I don’t decide who wins the games though, I will leave it all out there to you boys to show who is the better team. You better get some rest, the game is still a week away, so I have control over you guys for a bit. Tomorrow you guys will be up at 7:00 AM sharp. Coach Damon is going to take you guys on a quick run. You need to be in tip-top shape to go out there and give their asses to them on the field. Like I said, get some rest. Also go tell those guys from the South Covello podcast they are awesome. Energizer Bunnies are cool.

Predictions, Zwangzug Half
Tequilo vs. Trolleborg - Tequilo has an easy win. 3-1 Tequilo.
Timuria vs. Northwest Kalactin - Kalactin in 90 minutes, 3–2. Enough said.
TJUN-ia vs. South Covello - South Covello destroys TJUN-ia, 4–1.
Geektopia vs. Savojarna - Savojarna wins here very close match though.
Darmen vs. West Pocono - No surprises here. Darmen wins, about 4–2.
South Newlandia vs. Omerica - South Newlandia showed a very good petrformance during the GS. We think they will be able to beat Omerica, will be a close game though.
Flavovespia vs. Sharktail - Sharktail in Extra Time. 2–1
Ethane vs. Astograth - Old Timers, Astograth will be able to pull an win against Ethane, very close game that will be fought to the last minute though.

[Chromatika]

Chromatik City Courier
Jordan Lawless, Sports Columnist

Cup of Harmony Matchday 5: Chromatika 1-0 Krytenia @ Millennium Park, Redswyth, Kelssek
Chromatik Scorers: de Aea '78
Starting XI (4-2-3-1): Ria; Xiao - de Aea - Will - Ilya; Armageddon - Dias; Victoriane - Mora - Dragana; Andisori, K. (C).
Substitutes: Austic -> Ilya ('52), Kim, M.S. -> Dias ('69), Reynolds -> Dragana ('85)

MILLENNIUM PARK, REDSWYTH, KELSSEK -

For ninety minutes, Mia Ria was a wall. For ninety minutes, Kai Xiao, Henri de Aea, Kattie Will, and Valence Ilya held firm. For seventy-eight minutes, it didn't seem like it would matter - Carpenter was playing a solid match as well - and then the moment of the game came.

Kaytlyn Victoriane was tackled along the right side by a charging Theodoros Eleftheriou in a borderline foul that the referee called, and Hermaeus Mora's free kick was a low drooping one that Carpenter was leaping to get before all six feet seven inches of Henri de Aea drooped and nimbly headed the ball into the net. This goal proved to be the difference as Chromatika made it as one of the highest placed third placed teams to head to the Round of 32, where they will face...

Krytenia. Again.

And where? Stadium of the Stars in Ulyanof, where the team had lost to Northwest Kalactin just one matchday ago. Deja vu, much?

So, the team will march on, fully knowing that the job of both their Manager and Assistant Manager still remain on the line.

The only other result in Chromatik history while playing in the Cup of Harmony? A defeat in penalty kicks to Fluvique in CoH 66, a tournament where Chromatika didn't yield a single goal yet still was eliminated.

As for previews regarding the Quarterfinals of the World Cup and the Round of 32 of the Cup of Harmony:

World Cup Quarterfinals
Turori 3-1 Free Republics - Cocoa-bo power proves to be too strong for Republicans to contend with.
Zwangzug 2-3 Banija - Banija continues its rise, hitting the semifinals in dramatic fashion in a late score.
Nephara 3-3 Eura (4-3 AET) - This blockbuster goes to extra time with Nephara just edging out their fellow Rushmori powerhouse.
Valanora 3-1 Commonwealth of Baker Park - Valanora is back in their quest for six! Baker Park is an emerging Atlantian power, but falls short here.

Cup of Harmony Round of 32
Tequilo 3-1 Trolleborg - Tequilo is ranked 1st for a reason, and shouldn't have too much of a problem here.
Timuria 1-2 Northwest Kalactin - Chromatika will never underestimate the Kalactinians again. They pull off the upset here.
TJUN-ia 0-1 South Covello - Classic South Covello fashion, shutting out their opponent with their oppressive defense.
Geektopia 1-3 Savojarna - Are we a bit biased toward those teams that were in Group 3 with us during qualifying? Maybe.
Darmen 4-0 West Pocono - The biggest margin of victory comes from Darmen, the second highest seeded team in the tournament. At least they're in the same half as South Covello and we shouldn't see both of them in a row or something ridiculous like that.
South Newlandia 1-1 Omerica (1-2 AET) - Omerica edges over newcomers Newlandia here on a late-minute score.
Flavovespia 3-1 Sharktail - Go, go, fellow AO!
Ethane 1-3 Astograth - I am all for Astograth returning to the international picture.
Kohnhead 0-2 The Sarian - See above. Imagine if all four teams from Group 3 make it to the Round of 16.
Kandorith 1-3 Riena - Riena seems to be a hot name to bet on doing well in the next few World Cup cycles.
Twicetagria 1-2 Port Ember - We know a bit about the Port Embrians, and they are not a team to be underestimated.
Krytenia 1-2 Chromatika - Don't think we'll shut them out two games in a row, but we do hold the head-to-head record.
Vdara 2-1 Jeruselem - All for anyone to take down Jeruselem. They're just one of those teams you have to love to hate.
Squornshelous 1-2 Independent Athletes from Quebec - Also all for the return of Quebecois football, though they are both AO.
Mercedini 2-3 Valladares - A big ticket match in the Round of 32, should be a fun one to watch, with the Valladars barely edging out.
Busoga Islands 1-3 Poafmersia - Yep. Them Busogans again. Poafmersia should handle them.

[Twicetagram and JYPe]

Why 49 Shouldn’t be the Square of 7
I have no grudges against the number itself.49 is sliced in between 2 undoubtedly important numbers in mathematics: 48 and 50. 49 is also a dope number. Like, it looks like one of those cool guys(along with all the multiples of 16) who everyone wants to be friends with.
But, I have a problem with this mathematical statement: 7x7, or 7^2 = 49. Like, why?
It’s not about mathematics or science or whatever. We don’t do that. In fact, it’s about mathematical aesthetics. Yes, in Twicetagria apparently numbers are judged on how beautiful or fat they are.
(P.S.: It’s also a studied subject in various universities)
Numner 7 is one of the most prominent number in the world. Important in luck and religion, who doesn't like 7?
Now, I'm not saying 49 shouldn't be a multiple of 7. Problem is, it is just too imperfect to be its square. I would fancy 51 or 48 to be 7's square, but 49? Come on. You can do better than that.

[Tequilo]

TAPALUPÉ, Tequilo - So many match days, so little time… don’t worry, when you don’t have time for the big read (and we don’t have time for the big write) let the GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!! Daily take the strain - all your favourite bits, in brief. But first - some editorial business:

[ROLLING RETRACTION REPEATER]
We apologise yet again for… well you know what for. It won’t happen again though. We are sure of that. Usual caveats on editorial policy apply.¹

And, now on to the business of the day - first, let’s fire up the Copametro and find out how Los Pitxileros did in the Cup of Harmony. What’s that you say, a rest day?

DAY OFF FOR HEADLINE WRITER
Tequilo Finish Top Seed

Location: Burnaby International Airport, Kelssek | Date: Bruming-25.° SB-621

Los Pitxileros head to Zwangzug for the knockout phase (or match, depending on…) after stunning themselves into the first seed spot at the end of the group stage here in the Cup of Harmony. Big wins over Euran Oceania Territories and The Jovannic, and snatching four points from six against the more fancied Mercedini and Ethane, left Tequilo not only topping the group but the whole procession of sixty teams - a moment to cherish when checking the final standings in your GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-ah!!! Daily report. Hoping for third place and with good grace, a pass into the knockouts, the Agave-Blues have shown a willingness to compete with the better sides and a surprising steeliness in the face of pressure - this was evident in World Cup qualifying when taking points off both eventual qualifiers The Holy AsylumEmpire and Ko-oren, and proved the case again here in Kelssek, with the added quality, it seems, of eliminating complacency when going into a match as favourite. Can Coach Isaac Martí lead his team through a deep run in this competition?

In theory the next match is the easy tie of the round with former Baptism of Fire champions Trolleborg, who have on paper a disappointing run that just about edged them into the knockout rounds. But anyone watching will have seen a lot of promise and some decent performances - but the trolls have not been rewarded with the results. The question now is, are they boosted by sneaking into the knockouts as 32nd seed, or are they lacking in confidence as they struggle to put teams away? Pundits are… punting… for the short bet, top seed to win - but The Trolls will probably have something to say about that. Coach Martí is without the injured keeper Oscar Bienvenida for this game, with former #1 Ferran Teixedó getting his first appearance in the Cup of Harmony, while Huracan and Tutayan are both serving bans and hoping the team wins through to give them another game. Noxochinoch and Ricardo Bailén respectively will replace them. Meanwhile young sensation Alexandro Calvoecheaga, who scored a brace on his debut, has to settle for the bench as experienced striker Urlegi Gorostola is brought in for this ’sudden death’ fixture, the coach preferring him to fans favourite Roxelio Toran.

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Starting Line-Up for TEQUILO vs. Trolleborg:
4-1-3-2: Teixedó | Zambo, Apeiztegui, Noxochinoch, Chicchan | Callañuapa | Artechevarria, Tafalla (Capitan), Bailén | Tlacolotl & Gorostola

VENUE: Ayethen Arena, Keppal City

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
The Issues That Are Really Giving You The Needle Right Now

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Cariño Niebla, our own GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!! Extra journalist, writes in from Kelssek: Did you get my email?
- Yes, Cariño, we certainly did. And I hope you got mine.¹

Meanwhile the debate about writing to the editor seems to be winding down to conclusion with the following sensible contributions. Firstly, Martín Costello of Arca Nueva writes: Perhaps if GOLa published more often, people wouldn’t feel the need to write in so much? Like, they would know there was always another opportunity to write in just around the corner - easing the pressure?

’El Sensato’ suggests: Why don’t we have a poll? That usually settles things.
- Remember when we had that poll about the sewage problems in El Lavabo County? We had shitty letters for a month after that - hardly a resolution.

We have more foreign correspondance! Corey Glen-Brown, of Twineur, Zwangzug opens a new can of editorial worms by wondering: How many footnotes in a news article is appropriate, and is there such a thing as too many? My grandma² says they're always tasteful, but my boss says it can conceivably go too far³. Looking for insight, thanks.⁴

We also have another letter from The Plough Islands, and it’s Anon. again - except it isn’t: I am happy to report that we now have plenty of rain, but I do feel that you have perhaps got my name wrong. Yours, ANatoly ONopka. - We don’t know what happened there, Anatoly, apologies: we’ve got our intern Juan-Line Juataguay up on a disciplinary and we’ll add this to the list.^{1 - yes, you read correctly, 1}

The hunt for missing goalkeeper García de Corcoles continues, as Montreal S. telegrams: You can’t believe everything you read in the letters section. I feel A. de X [yesterday’s letters - Ed.] was having us on about the FSSO - that place has long gone, as I’m sure he was when he thought he saw García on his stag weekend (congratulations, by the way). No, I heard from my cable guy that he’s actually in Zwangzug, where he is either (a) homeless on the street, covered in wild hair and birds nests, trying to meet up with the Tequilo team for a ride home; (b) not homeless at all and booked to be a pundit on local TV analysing the Cup of Harmony matches; or (f no) hatching a terrible terrorist incident with a dirty bomb to stop the CoH and irradiate ten thousand square kilometres of virgin Zuggian Rainforest - which he would clearly be doing in flagrant violation of local customs and permissions regarding the detonation of dirty bombs.⁵. I personally think this unlikely, and he’s probably just unwashed in Bassabook where local permissions are permissable on such things.

Finally, Rubèn Curto from Chanco Cóndor suggests: with all these letters wondering where ‘Touchdown in Kelssek’ went, I may just as well have spent the time writing it myself.
- Perhaps, in a way, that’s precisely what you did Rubèn.¹

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NEXT TIME
What’s Up In The Next Issue of GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!!

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Coming soon - will there be more Cup of Harmony? And if not, whatever next? Plus, at some point, the conclusion of the rebooted first new series of Rúi de los Rovas, and more letters to the editor, no doubt.

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FOOTNOTES
1Screen-grab copy reads:

From: Cariño Niebla <carino.niebla@gola.teq>
To: The Chief <editor@gola.teq>
Cc: The Intern <juan-line.juataguay@gola.teq>
Subject: Take Off From Kelssek

Hello Chief

Thanks for the email with the printed Cup of Harmony schedule. You have every right to be furious for us missing the entire qualification stage in pursuit of a story that was already gone, and I will be sure to pass on your emotional words of wisdom to my useless assistant Todaspartes. With utter humiliation we are heading home, and I have made him buy our tickets out of our own money because I can hardly expect you to cover our expenses for such a paucity of return. Obviously if Tequilo had been a half decent football team they would’ve made the Round of 32, but by coincidence having seen them up ahead of us in the departure lounge, they are clearly on their way home too and I can only hope they may have at least got a point somewhere, perhaps against The Jovannic. They were too far ahead for me to catch up and have a word, and they must be on a different flight home to us because they aren’t at our gate. Typical.

We will see you back home in Tapalupé tomorrow, when Todaspartes will report for his disciplinary after such a shambolic trip. Speaking of which, I hear you have got that nabo Juan-Line Juataguay for publishing my private emails on the GOLa blog. I hope you throw the digital book at him - copied in for transparency and gloating.

2She's Candelariasian, if that makes a difference. - Corey G.-B
3The typesetters agree with this - Iker Salame, Typesetter
4We will open this up to the general public - Ed.⁶
5All citizens of Tequilo are advised by the government to educate themselves on and travel within the permissions of their host countries at all times; in a leaflet they receive with their passport. Therefore, García de Corcoles - and any other citizen of Tequilo - will know that the setting off of dirty bombs without written permission from local authorities in Zwangzug is both unacceptable and probably illegal. So this definitely won’t happen.
6Just write to the editor here at GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-a!!!⁷
7Or TG Tequilo - really, do! My thanks to Zwangzug & The Plough Islands for doing just that… as reported above.

[Sharktail]

Group 6 matchday 5

TJUN-ia
Kepo Ulawaya (m 49)
Vijay Palalele (m 86)



Sharktail-1
Alfi (m 52)

Line up
David
Harold
Hidawi
Yusri
Irfan
Chandra
Shafizan
Farhan
Fikri
Gaby
Alfi

Sub
Faiz
Azaim
Virman

Is it ok now?

oh ok, nice. Hello and good morning al. Welcome back to Nazri TV channel. How do you do today? Good? I not too good. You all know what the reason is. And it also the reason I'm here today live streaming with you all. Fira cut my allowance so I cannot go to Zwangzug. I have been eating instant noodle for three days streak now. Arghh, it like I live in hell.

So to heal this pain, I decided to do stream. Just please don't comment anything about food, I hungry now. You can do that if you want to send it to me. So, Sharktail NT fails to keep the unbeaten record after losing to TJUnia, The jag beat the shark. Let just said the shark has been dragged to the land. You know no way jag can beat Shark in water. Well, we also qualified so let be happy with that. We up against Flavovespia next. Done in Kelssek, now Zwangzug our next destination.

Do you guys remember the football game I played last year? (comment: You want to play It again?) Nope. I frustrated not being able to watch the game between Sharktail Flavovespia so I use that game again. I edited Sharktail and Flavovespia current National team roster. You know I not good in editing so mostly I mess up.

So I have choose 11 starters for both teams. For Flavovespia, I don't know who they will start tomorrow so I just put any name.



I think Sahami may start with Ahmad tomorrow. It has been awhile since Ahmad play. He is the no 1 keeper for Sharktail after all. David, I think he may have some problem with stamina. You can see in the match against TJUnia, he is a bit late to make a move. For another position nothing really important. Just keep swapping player. All of them doesn't have too much different. Of course, Gaby will be in starting line up.



For Flavovespia, they won 3 game streak before losing their last game in group 5. So one mistake, we out. They are great right. Their captain Hall will become the torn if we let him go around freely. He may try to create dome move for their striker. For all other players, hmm let wait tomorrow. I don't know who they will start except Hall. Most of the team will not easily swap their captain. They do not choose for anything okay. They choose because they are legend, the is a star, they are pro, what more you want me to say.

So I tried to play once. What do you think the final result be? Who wins? (Comment: Sharktail win 1-0) That the answer I hope but that not happen. We lose.



We lose 2-1 to Flavovespia. Since start from early until the end,the defend is our weakest part.

It was really frustrating. I really good at playing the game but why I keep losing. It just adds more frustration to me. (Who the best player in the match you play?) Hmm, Flavo striker Terrance Daley. Even in the real world, he one of the dangerous striker. If Sharktail wants yo win tomorrow, I think they can add him as one of the players to watch. He is dangerous.

Ok that all for today. So just forget about the game result. Our NT more good than that you know. Just relax, they will do more good. Time for me to eat. One more days with instant noodles. Arghh, I happier to stay single if it turns like this. Sad for me. Bye, see you next time if I not die because starving. Good bye world.

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Round Of 32 vs Flavovespia

Starting Line Up

Ahmad
Harold
Yusti
Hidawi
Izz
Chandra
Farhan
Fikri
Nik Akif
Shahrul
Gaby

[Savojarna]

SavojarSports.sj - inside reports from all Savojarna
Late victory over Zeta Reka secures knockout qualification

By Anders Själlström
It seems like Savojarna’s performances always come down to the last day, but unlike in the World Cup Qualification and its unlucky 2-1 loss in Chromatika, the Savojars managed to secure their participation in the Cup of Harmony’s second round with a late goal against a highly defensive and skilled Zeta Reka. Against the group’s third seed, many expected a sluggish and difficult game and emphasised the need to hold at the back, even as a victory of two goals may have been needed to secure second place in the group. However, it seemed like Mikaela Rangren was planning to settle for a third place, knowing that with all likelihood seven points would be enough to make it even if the Savojars would end up third.

And thus, it was a defensive Savojarna lining up on this day, Ullqvist replacing the more aggressive Polina Zirkova and Rika Lundell replaced by a more defensive option in Paddi Gren, aiming to shore up the Northlights against what seemed to be Zeta Reka’s most dangerous option, the fast counter. Twice Gren had to work back indeed, but most of the time the setup worked splendidly as Andersson surveilled Rybki, avoiding any quick action of the aging playmaker. Offensively, however, Savojarna were limited heavily by the tight midfield of their opponents and could not find the space that they are used to. After the break, Rangren reacted to this problem by pushing up the fullbacks, looking for a higher stance that would not allow Zeta Reka as much time to get behind the ball after losing it.

Thanks to Skov’s willingness to run and Pedersen’s ability to press his opponent, the Savojars managed a more aggressive defence without compromising their stability. As a result, they caught out Zeta Reka a first time after 57 minutes when Jotansson hit the crossbar, and then again six minutes later when Voynov found a gap, but failed to score as he was whistled back for a narrow off-side. With a bit more than ten minutes to go, Rangren shifted forwards by replacing Maersk with a second striker in Simon Jacobsen, who managed to create much chaos in the Zeta Rekan line. Finally, it was him who managed to combine past the central defence with Voynov, and scored a shot through Bosko Nowak’s legs. The lead secured, Savojarna spent the rest of the match defending with two tight chains and managed to secure victory with a stable defence, resulting in qualification for the second round.

There, the Savojars will meet old enemies with Geektopia. The Geeks have clashed with Savojarna before multiple times, first in rugby where they were the ones to edge Savojarna out of a World Cup knockout stage and then in football, where they clashed in the World Cup 84 qualifiers. Back then, Geektopia had gotten a hurtful upset over Savojarna; now, the Northlights will be aiming for a revenge. The Geeks are not at all what they used to be, with their timelines spanning 3000 years between World Cups if we correctly understood their informational material, the last result from almost three years ago (for us) does not have to mean much. Savojarna are looking to defend against their aggressive 3-3-4, and counter with their fast wings - the formation lacks width, potentially damaging against the likes of Voynov and Jashkin.

[West Pocono]

LACK OF RESPECT

Despite beating Newmanistan, one of the top overall seeds in the entire Cup of Harmony, the Thunder of West Pocono are not getting much respect as they prepare to play a knockout match against Darmen. It is fair to say that beating Newmanistan is soccer is not going to impress many people, so you could dig back further and see that this team played South Covello and Taeshan to scoreless draws during qualifying. During the Cup of Harmony group stage, the Thunder conceded only five goals, putting them in the top half of the teams that have advanced in overall defensive play. West Pocono is as low as they are because they do not score goals, not because they are unable to keep the ball out of their own net.

“Making predictions for the sake of making predictions,” manager Nathan Ruddy told us as the team prepares to play Darmen, “If you’re going to make them, do a little research on the teams. This team is not getting involved in a 4-2 scoreline. And if you think we’re going to lose 4-0, then you haven’t watched any of our games to know what we are really about.” Defender Carl Huerta agreed, “It is kinda nutty. Darmen is not a light up the scoreboard type of team. They are a talented two-way team that is responsible both offensively and defensively. They got to where they are because of this competency. It is highly unlikely that they are going to score four against us.” Midfielder Lonnie Rice had advice, “Research the teams. Go ahead and predict us to lose. We know we are major underdog in this match, but know what we are about. Do what Christina Archuleta of South Covello did in her predictions. Heck, she might have said some wacky things and said she doesn’t like us. That’s fine, but she knew we’re not allowing four. 2-0, fine, that’s a responsible score to predict us to lose by.” Archuleta mentioned East Pocono, too. The ceased to exist nation was Rushmori for a time, so is Atlantian Oceania west or east of Rushmore? A question for the ages? But all of us really know the answer that.

Despite the team being predicted to lose by everyone, do not expect the Thunder to roll over for Darmen. They will play sober for the match, as there was no evidence that the opponent struggled playing against intoxicated players. Darmen was 3-1-0 in the group stage, so picking them is safe money. Safe money does not always end up that way in the end.

[South Newlandia]

ELEPHANT VALLEY MAIL
Sports -> Soccer
South Newlandia wins group, to play in Round of 32

When the Elephants found out that they would play Timuria, Savojarna, Zeta Reka and Electrum in their group, they knew of the quality. They thought they could make it out of the group, but hardly anyone expected that they would win the group. Admittedly with quite a bit of luck, South Newlandia finished first in the group, with Timuria and Savojarna advancing as well. A great fight in Bassabook eventually ended in a three all draw.

Timuria 3-3 South Newlandia

The game in Bassabook didn’t start exciting. Timuria, a rather offensive team, and South Newlandia had both basically clinched the Round of 32, but there was still something to play for. Because of how the seeding works, the group winner would avoid all other group winners, while the second-placed teams may have to play hard opponents. Neither side was going to take this match lightly.

Timuria had a first chance in the 17th minute. Ismail Burhan had received the ball from Caner Turan, but Burhan’s shot had missed the goal by just a bit.
South Newlandia took longer to get into the game, and had a first chance in the 26th minute, but a free kick by Corban Green missed everyone, and was caught by Iskender Nur, the goalkeeper for Timuria.

Timuria had a strong phase now, and they had multiple chances, but more than once, Mikhail Trischuk got a hand on the ball at the last moment. The biggest chance in this phase was a direct free kick by Ertan Renda, but a good save by Mikhail Trischuk kept the game tied.

In the 42nd minute, South Newlandia had the ball. Corban Green dribbled it down the left side, and got a flank in. Simon McCabe got his head on the ball, and seemingly out of nothing, South Newlandia led the game 1-0.

It was half-time now, and South Newlandia seemed to fluke their way to a third victory. Robert Wolverine seemed happy about the standings, while the Timurian Coach Bekir Altingunes seemed less happy about it.

The second half started off fast. Right from the kick-off, a beautiful double-pass between Vatan Ercetin and Volkan Ayhan got the former one on one with Mikhail Trischuk, and the South Newlandian goalkeeper was beaten for the first time in this tournament. In the 46th minute, the score was now 1-1, and the game was completely open again.

The Elephants were shocked, and Timuria struck right again. A long and good pass by Reza Karaduman went behind the South Newlandian defense, and Ismail Burhan scored easily in the 49th minute to give Timuria the lead.

Robert Wolverine had to do something. He decided to exchange Jack Schroeder for Tommy Anderson. Anderson was able to stabilize the defense sometimes in the past, in this time, it worked as well. The Elephants were now more solid, and Timuria had to slow down a bit.

In the 57th minute, Timuria got close to a third goal, but a shot by Volkan Ayhan was well saved by Mikhail Trischuk.

South Newlandia fought to get back in the game, and they got there in the 71st minute. Corban Green got a corner in, and Dhruv Roy rose higher than everyone else. His header wasn’t defendable for Iskender Nur.

South Newlandia was now back in the game, and they actually went ahead in the 78th minute. This time, it was Michael Glossman scoring after a pass by Abdurahman Bishop.

Timuria, not wanting to risk dropping into 3rd place, fought back, and they found an equalizer late in the game. In the 86th minute, it was Yerkebulan Suyumbayev, who wasn’t in the game for long yet, getting a good pass to another player substituted in, Bayram Tansu. Tansu scored to get Timuria one point and 2nd place in the group.

Overall, South Newlandia can be very happy with the result. After arguably quite lucky wins against Electrum and Zeta Reka, this was a well-fought draw. Like Savojarna and Timuria, the Elephants have chances to go deeper into the knockouts.

Player Rankings

Mikhail Trischuk (GK, Captain) 7
It wasn’t his best day, but some saves kept South Newlandia from conceding more goals.

Dhruv Roy (LB) 8
He scored a goal, but defensively, he could have done better.

Jack Schroeder (LCB) 6

Manuel O’Neill (RCB) 7

Raphael Moreno (RB) 6

Kevin Mohamed (DM) 5
He seemed to be the weakest link in the team.

Corban Green (LM) 8

Jarod Stuart (RM) 6
He played mediocre, and got subbed off for McMora after half-time.

Abdurahman Bishop (OM) 7

Simon McCabe (ST) 8

Michael Glossman (ST) 8
He seems to be a great addition to the team.

Patrick McMora (RM) 7

Tommy Anderson (CB) 8
He made the defense more stable.

Finnley Wallis (OM) –
He came in for the last ten minutes for Bishop.

Starters against Omerica

Wallis and McMora return to the first eleven for Stuart and Bishop.

Results from Group 11, Matchday 5

Savojarna (59) 1-0 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom (98)
Savojarna secured their advancement while Zeta Reka is now eliminated.

Timuria (44) 3-3 South Newlandia (101)

Final Group Standings

* Group 11                            Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 South Newlandia                       4   2  2  0    5   3  +2    8
2 Timuria                               4   2  1  1    9   7  +2    7
3 Savojarna                             4   2  1  1    3   2  +1    7
4 Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom             4   1  0  3    3   5  −2    3
5 Electrum                              4   1  0  3    1   4  −3    3

Schedule for the Round of 32

Tequilo (90) vs. Trolleborg (56)
Timuria (44) vs. Northwest Kalactin (89)
TJUN-ia (92) vs. South Covello (16)
Geektopia (72) vs. Savojarna (59)

Darmen (29) vs. West Pocono (146)
South Newlandia (101) vs. Omerica (81)
Flavovespia (66) vs. Sharktail (109)
Ethane (55) vs. Astograth (99)


Kohnhead (102) vs. The Sarian (73)
Kandorith (48) vs. Riena (80)
Twicetagria (114) vs. Port Ember (36)
Krytenia (62) vs. Chromatika (30)

Vdara (77) vs. Jeruselem (42)
Squornshelous (71) vs. Independent Athletes from Quebec (90)
Mercedini (31) vs. Valladares (111)
Busoga Islands (53) vs. Poafmersia (50)

South Newlandia will play their next match in Guariday, in Janaki Gardens. They will stay in Zwangzug, like the entire upper half of the bracket, but move from the East to the Southwest. Omerica will be a tough opponent, but the Elephants are confident that they have a chance.

[Kohnhead]

"After the tournament I'm done"



As Kohnhead advances to the round of 32, as the three seed out of all 32 teams, starting goalkeeper Jackson Newcastle announced the move many expected was coming. The 34 year old has undergone many injuries over the course of his career, and believes it's best if after the tournament is over he officially ends his career. He said it was an honor for him to have played in qualifying and played in the Cup of Harmony.

This comes on the heels of Kohnhead's 1-0 win against Flavovespia, and the fact that they will be playing The Sarian, a team that finished with five points in four games and is the 30th ranked for the round of 32. In the round of 32 games this team has played in they are 1-0, with a in in the BOF 72 round of 32 against Maccian. A 5-5 game after extra time that we won on penalties, so the odds are in our favor in that regard. In some more great new we will be returning to the Stade Outineau in Outineau, Kelssek which was the site of our most recent game.

Speaking of that game it was our second 1-0 win in the tournament, as the only goal was scored by Erin Maltos on a penalty kick that some are still debating whether it was deserved or not. This occurred in the 19th minute, and for the rest of the game Newcastle was great in goal. Let's go far in the Cup of Harmony to give him a proper fairwell.

If we win, we will take on the winner of the Kandorith versus Riena match. We know Riena as they were a semifinalist in that same BOF, and we played a pre WC-qualifiers friendly against them in a 2-2 draw. Riena got eight points, compared to Kandorith's seven. Kandorith was very good offensively scoring 15 goals in four games, the second best of all teams advancing, yet they allowed 14 goals, tied for the worst mark of all teams advancing. Here is our projected lineup:

[Mercedini]

77th Cup of Harmony Group Stage Review
Mercedini vs. Valladares
@ Kingwharf - Breton, Kelssek

Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to Kelssek for more of Mercedini Sport Daily's coverage of the 77th Cup of Harmony. When we left you, it was all lined up to be a nail-biting finish to proceedings in Group 1 as three teams were left fighting for the final qualification spot. We knew that Tequilo were already safe and EOT were already out, but that left ourselves, Ethane and The Jovannic to battle for the one remaining auto-qualifying spot and the third place spot which would turn into a spot in the knockout rounds if other results were favourable. Action was hotting up all across Kelssek with twelve games occurring across the nation, but it was only the games in Arvika and Kirkenes which bore any impact on the fortunes of the Mercedinians. The men in blue and black simply had to avoid defeat, so let's see how they fared against The Jovannic, who are a dangerous up-and-coming nation new to the scene.

Cup of Harmony: By The Skin Of Your Teeth

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FULL TIME

COH | MD5

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MERCEDINI 1
Garzallo 81'
THE JOVANNIC 0

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Kirkenes, Kelssek
Attendance - 57,482

A single goal and some shredded nerves was the end result of an extremely tight tussle between the top seeds and the bottom seeds of the group, as Mercedini confirmed their spot in the Cup of Harmony Round of 32 by finishing second in the group. It is a result the Mercedini will welcome, but it was far from convincing as The Jovannic gave as good as they got to expertly bridge the gulf in ranking between the two nations. On another day, the Emperors could have won the match with several chances to hit the target, but the 50/50s seem to fall for the Golden Eagles, who kept it goalless before edging ahead in the dying embers of the game to put the match and the knockout rounds out of reach for their opponents. Their victory means Mercedini will likely feature in the match of the round as they face Valladares in a hotly contested match here in Breton. Whoever wins that match will likely open up the bracket for themselves, although you can never be sure of any outcome at the Cup of Harmony until the final whistle has blown.

Back to the match in Kirkenes and it seemed from the outset that it would be a mismatch between the two sides, with no real previous pedigree from The Jovannic, while Mercedini have already gone all the way at the tournament previously, and were looking for a potential second here. Both teams knew what they had to do to advance, Mercedini needed to avoid defeat, while The Jovannic had to win. In the end, something had to give between these two sides. There were also eyes on the other match in Arvika as both teams could still qualify if the Euran Oceanian Territories could shock Ethane in the paralleling this one. Opening exchanges were dicey, with so much on the line for both sides, but it was The Jovannic who kicked off and kept possession, as they were looking for an opening against a defence which hasn't been the most reassuring for Mercedinian fans.

The first big chance fell for Yunsala on the far side, as Sami Ning broke free of his marker and flashed a cross along the face of goal. Multiple bodies were thrown at the ball from both sides, but no connection was made from anywhere, and the ball safely rolled out for a Mercedinain throw-in on the other side of he pitch. It was a warning sign for the team in blue and black, and the crowd were awoken, sensing an upset which seemed unlikely before kick-off. Mercedini's first chance fell to Chillotov who was fed a delicious ball by Presic. The Lajuno striker took a touch before releasing a tame curled shot which didn't bend enough, and flew high and wide of the goal. Chances were few and far between with both defences refusing to give ground to their attacking adversaries, only three shots on target were registered in the first half, with all of those failing to trouble the goalies at either end. All of that resulted in a close first half which finished goalless, and everything to play for in the final forty-five.

Only one chance at the break, from the Mercedinian camp, where Nymark gave way to Kraljic for his first run out of the campaign. In Arvika, while news was slow to keep through, the as-it-stood result meant that Mercedini were still going through as it stood, although plenty of football was still to be played, and everything could change. Mercedini kicked off the second half with Billic looking on from the touchline, his interim period as manager had yet to ignite with any real ferocity, with his team doing just enough each time to keep their heads above water. All of that looked to have come undone, as The Jovannic looked to have scored with Ilohil crashing the ball home from close range after the Elaani spilled the ball from a corner, but the referee blew his whistle due to an infringement in the build-up, a major let off for the Golden Eagles.

That infringement was made to pay for it's error as Mercedini had the ball in the net for real, only a couple of minutes after the restart. It was a four-on-four as Mercedini pushed forward following a break down of play from their opponents. Chillotov had the ball and was rushing towards the defenders with his strike partner and the two wingers in support as they pushed up as a collective. He fed Garzallo through after he made a run down the line. He gathered the ball on the corner of the box with multiple players calling for it, he was weaving in and out as his marker was backpedalling to try and keep an obstacle between the ball and the goal. Garzallo cut inside to open up the space and lash the ball inside the near post for an opener. It took a minute for his attackers to process what he did, but Garzallo was already celebrating in the corner before they even thought to run over to goalscorer and eventual match winner. A provider-turned-finisher, that goal was vital in all but sealing Mercedini's place in the Round of 32, regardless of the result in the other game.

The clock was ticking away on The Jovannic time at the tournament, they needed to find at least one to keep their hopes alive. The Golden Eagles were effectively playing as with a 10-1-0 formation as they parked the bus against their opponents. They could let in one, but let in two and it could prove to be fatal to their campaign. Keeping the ball and frustrating The Jovannic attacking threat was the new aim of the game for the top seeds to squeeze through, with each passing second getting more comfortable as they ticked along. Stoppage time gave The Jovannic one last chance to keep their flame burning, at least for a little while, but a floated ball was caught by Elaani to snuff their flame out. The final whistle rang out around the stadium, and that was that. What looked academic on paper was more of a scrap than the result would tell. A clean sheet and three points is a good way to end the group stage, they confirm second place in the group at the beat The plucky Jovannic by one goal to nil.

So there we have it, Mercedini remain unbeaten in the group with a 2-2-0 record to qualify for the knockouts automatically in second place, meaning they are likely to face another second placed side in the Round of 32 draw. Unfortunately, that second placed just so happens to be another under-performer in Valladares, in what could be the match of the round. Both are highly ranked, both are yet to reach their full potential so far this cycle, so a win for either side would likely install great confidence to go further in this tournament. In their half of the draw, Dini have got the aforementioned Valladares, Krytenia, Chromatika, Quebec (now Independent), and SRS who, if you remember, beat Mercedini on their own turf when they hosted the Independents' Cup. Lots to digest with sixteen matches going on between Zwangzug and Kelssek, we will be back with coverage of Dini's game, as well as the highlight of the round including the shocks and any early favourites for the title. Don't run away too far!

[Omerica]

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The Beet

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Free Stater couple are disappointed that they won’t see the Incorrigibles play on their trip to Kelssek
“Seeing Omerica lose against a no-name nation was the entire point,” the couple say of their visa-free trip to the Socialist Commonwealth

Not even trains could beat the sweet, sweet allure of brown gravy- and cheese curd-topped potato frites.

Clayquot, Kelssek — A couple from the Free State have described their trip to Kelssek as “a colossal waste of time” after they discovered that they will not get to see their country’s national team play during their trip.

“We had this all planned out,” Griselda Morgan Dukes-Paterson-Park told The Beet in an exclusive interview. “We were going to get watch Omerica get smashed by some country we’d never heard of before yesterday, get smashed in a bespoke Champjaune vineyard and freeze up in the mountains of Lupinissia. Now it’s ruined.”

“All of a sudden, we found out Kelssek had a visa-free travel programme for Omericans,” Griselda Morgan’s husband Marcus Victor said while shovelling poutine into his mouth, “and it was like we had to come here. Especially since the Cup of Harmony was on and Omerica might get to play.”

The couple had already been to several Kelssekian landmarks in their eight days in the country and were wearing tacky “I ❤ KS” shirts when The Beet reporters found them. The pair were particularly keen on the Kirkenes Art Gallery and the Fjordlands National Park in Kewatin, but agreed that the trip was spoilt by the lack of Incorrigibles football.

“I’d even broken out my Anglian-Galliennais dictionary for the trip,” Marcus Victor said. “Who would need this thing in Zwangzug?”

When the draw for the Cup of Harmony knockout stage was revealed, it emerged that Omerica would be staying in Zwangzug—where The Beet has just discovered the Cup of Harmony final will be held—for the remainder of the tournament, as the United Republican Soccer Federation had previously said “fuck no” to the idea of flying out to a different country to play a “third-place playoff”.

“We’ve learned our lesson from last time,” URSF spokesman Adolphe Rémi Charbonneau-Olivier-Nicolas told The Beet. “The only place we’re flying after a semifinal loss is home.”

Zwangzug is, however, known for a number of attractions such as [INSERT A LIST OF THINGS HERE]. The country is also famed for its strange theatrical and literature scene, as well as its odd musical tastes. The country also has a strange footballing tradition, where draws are worth half a point. [INSERT CHESS JOKE HERE].

“It’s probably a nice place,” Griselda Morgan stated when prompted, “but we don’t want to go through the hassle of getting visas. Our passports were hard enough.”

The Dukes-Paterson-Parks immediately bolted from the interview on their way to the Omerican consulate when asked about Zwangzugian trains. The Beet cannot confirm whether or not they intend to travel to Zwangzug after all. —TB

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United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port Alexandre, MS 18-A40
UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA

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Omerica 1–3 Twicetagria
Cup of Harmony 77 group stage — Matchday Five
Eglantine Park, Merano (FTC), Zwangzug
Goalscorers: Jean-François Fernand 30’; Autumn Kiel 25’ – Fanny Torreira 52’, 88’
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Rowan Greycastle; Alphonse Notley – Charity Kayode – Aristide de Felice – Lauren Kerry; Maxime Fournier – Elise Bianchi (captain) – Simone Bonfils; Maïa Bustos – Jean–François Fernand – Jamal Ahmad
Substitutions: Notley > Fernand Michelakakis (62’) – Kerry > Jet Sneyders (62’) – Ahmad > George Palmeiro (78’)

South Newlandia v Omerica
Cup of Harmony 77 knockout stage — Round of Thirty-Two
Janaki Gardens, Guariday, Zwangzug
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Drew Durant; Alphonse Notley – Charity Kayode – Aristide de Felice – Lauren Kerry; Maxime Fournier – Elise Bianchi (captain) – Simone Bonfils; Jessie Beckett – Alexis Chrysanthos – George Palmeiro

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[TJUN-ia]

By Peter Davis

Twineur, Zwangzug is somewhat of a college town. And it will be from the Bug House, their home of amateur sport, that TJUN-ia's professional footballing fate will be decided. The 92nd ranked Jags will host the 16th-ranked Rebels of South Covello in a game many expect to be a challenge for this team

The Rebels are the masters of defence on paper but they have only 1 win thus far on their road to this point. 2 draws were enough to get them through and they will be hoping that they can get some momentum running on route to a potential final.

No one expects us to win this game: a publication from Northwest Kalactin thinks the Rebels will win 4-1 while the Chromatik City Courier (Chromatika) has it down as a 1-0 win for South Covello. However, no one really expected TJUN-ia to win their group and look where we are now. David Seems knows this game will be difficult as all hell, but he won't give up just yet. Let's hope most of the nation hasn't given up either. GO JAGS!

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SCHEDULE
MD1: vs Jeruselem (42) - Griffin Park, Novonaya (39,200) W 2-0 (1st)
MD2: BYE (2nd)
MD3: vs Eraman (60) - Canada Stadium, Neorvins (66,300) L 0-2 (4th)
MD4: vs Garifunya (157) - Community Stadium, Arvika (34,700) W 3-0 (2nd)
MD5: vs Sharktail (109) - Macquarie Docklands, Latrobe (cap. 55,700) W 2-1 (1st)
Ro32: vs South Covello (16) - Bug House, Twineur, Zwangzug

[Flavovespia]

Flavovespia's chances of a perfect group stage record and the group victory were ended with a 1-0 to Kohnhead. With qualifying assured for both sides, plenty were hopeful for an exciting open match. Unfortunately there was just the one goal, and it didn't go the way of Flavovespia.

Flavovespia lined up back in Outineau, in their home kit once again. Richard Crawford however had taken the opportunity to rotate some of the squad, resting a few tired players, and possibly trialling some of the rotation players to see who could be depended on in the later saves.

There were hopes of a quick an entertaining start just 5 minutes in, with a dangerous long ball by James King. Steven Hall drove into the box and took a shot, but hooked it slightly. It curled the wrong way and flew past the post. An effort that could've completely changed the game if it had gone in, but it wasn't to be this time.

The big moment of the game came 19 minutes in. Aaron Korkson made a good run into the box and went shoulder to shoulder with Alexander May, and the Kohnhead striker went tumbling down. The referee blew the whistle, and pointed to the spot. Flavovespia were furious, calling it a dive. However there would be no changing of the decision by the referee. Erin Maltos stepped up and the penalty was well hit, even if he had dived the right way, he'd probably not have saved it.

Flavovespia had a few half chances after that in the first half, but none as good as their first effort. Kohnhead also had a few shots, but nothing too dangerous for Meehan to deal with, and it was 1-0 at half-time.

The second half would inevitably be played with Kohnhead focusing more on defence, a clean sheet sending them top of the group. This seemed to be a problem for Flavovespia, rarely able to deal with the crowd of bodies thrown in front of them. Christopher Ace in particular was struggling in the game. He would be subbed off for Ramon Martin, with Hall moving back to the right. Valentine Richmond also cane on for Brian Buttery.

Flavovespia were looking much improved after those changes. Scott Coleman twice had good shots saved by Jackson Newcastle. The veteran keeper was playing at his best, and despite his imminent retirement, showed no signs of age. Try as they might, Flavovespia failed to get past Jackson Newcastle in this game.

The full-time whistle went, and it was 1-0 to Kohnlead in the end. They top the group on 10 points, with Flavovespia ending up on 9. Eastfield Lodge and Alba and Cymru played out a scoreless draw, and that eliminated them both in the end, Eastfield Lodge not one of the Top 8 3rd placed teams. Alba and Cymru come in 4th, with 3 draws, certainly not the worst performance by a debut team. Sadly for New Lusitania, they were last on just 1 point.

Flavovespia will certainly feel as if that penalty was the major difference in the game. Without it, plenty of Flavovespians will argue that they could've kept a clean sheet, or gone on to win. However, others may say Richard Crawford's squad choice as showing too much hubris, and that the team should've gone harder to try and ensure a win and a perfect record. Nevertheless the team need to learn from the result, but at the same time not dwell on it, as the knockout stages arrive.

The Round of 32 game for Flavovespia sees them leave Kelssek and travel to the other host nation, Zwangzug. There, they'll face Sharktail. Sharktail had a spectactular 5-5 draw with Eraman. That was followed up by wins against Garifunya and Jeruselem. A 2-1 loss to TJUN-ia in their last game wasn't enough to stop them making it to the Round of 32. Flavovespia may have had the better record in the group stages, and a 43 place advantage in the KPB rankings, but Richard Crawford and his side know nothing can be taken for granted in a knockout match. They must be ready for the fight, to progress into the Round of 16. Reaching the knockouts was on paper and in the mind of the fans the minimum expectations, but now many will be hopeful to take it further. The loss against Kohnhead must be quickly moved on from, and a good performance is needed in City Athletic Venue, Arlington.

[Darmen]

MfCC Blog & Podcast @moosfromcowcorner · 2m

Now that @DFAofficial have advanced to the Round of 32 at the #CoH77, we can only hope for the biggest implosion of all time against West Pocono. A loss will mean the rightful return of attention to the cricket, a far superior sport.

Maximum Dissent @maximumdissent_69 · 1m

football is best sport I have never heard of this cricket what is it

Capt. Slow, DCG @captain_slow_ · 32s

cricket is a bug you blithering idiotic morons

OOC: So apparently this is what "inspiration" looks like to me now? Help.