Advertisement
by Ko-oren » Fri Jun 26, 2020 11:04 am
by Siovanija and Teusland » Fri Jun 26, 2020 11:29 am
Baker Park 0-1 Siovanija & Teusland, @ Iron Alley, Hosingr, Mriin
Starting XI: Heuser; Steimle, Klopfer, Jager, Vesele; Mihailov (Brotzmann 78’), Kramer, V. Dimitrov, Kogler (Kokalj 61’), Tauscher, Ribbeck (Mandl 89’)
Goals: Michael Ribbeck 67’
Stelburger Zeitung Man of the Match: Karl-Heinz Jager
by Kita-Hinode » Fri Jun 26, 2020 11:49 am
by 95X » Fri Jun 26, 2020 12:24 pm
Nation not my RL views, etc.
Poe's Law. Nonpartisan.
by Zwangzug » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:00 pm
by Vilita » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:16 pm
Vilita 4 - 2 Newmanistan
Goals: :: 13' Sipke Tarala:: 37' Limu Katarakhna:: 57' Fishtii Blikala:: 88' Clarana Refiami
Team: Vernasa Sanamun, Mileke Drokasorna, Jirak Trikala, Inbekira Ajhabekk, Polaox Torerun (Va'a-Rio Kiwavn 64'), Limu Katarakhna, Cywrenta Vlintejni, Jyuola Mtalata, Intikko Kuhilana (Nii'arala Milaaso 45'), Tenziki Kulakao (Fishtii Blikala 67'), Sipke Tarala
Vilita 6 - 1 Oberour Ar Moro
Goals: :: 15' Va'a-Rio Kiwavn:: 28' Linkat Cjinder:: 35' Clarana Refiami:: 68' Enzoril Alabonni:: 76' Linkat Cjinder:: 83' Limu Katarakhna
Team: Vernasa Sanamun (Enzoril Alabonni 59'), Rojara Tiones, Linkat Cjinder, Mileke Drokasorna, Cywrenta Vlintejni, Limu Katarakhna, Va'a-Rio Kiwavn (Jyuola Mtalata 45'), Polaox Torerun, Berali Tzufarei (Intikko Kuhilana 45'), Nii'arala Milaaso, Clarana Refiami
Vilita 1 - 1 Drunk People at the Local Tavern
Goals: :: 44' Cywrenta Vlintejni
Team: Vernasa Sanamun, Rojara Tiones, Inteali Koranjo, Linkat Cjinder, Jyuola Mtalata, Polaox Torerun, Cywrenta Vlintejni (Kudii Davasarii 60'), Limu Katarakhna, Va'a-Rio Kiwavn, Enzoril Alabonni (Tenziki Kulakao 45'), Sipke Tarala (Nii'arala Milaaso 45')
Vilita 4 - 2 Riena
Goals: :: 13' Rojara Tiones:: 37' Jurzen Devmiko:: 56' Linvoi Warazil:: 84' Nii'arala Milaaso
Team: Mako Canopii (Vernasa Sanamun 61'), Linkat Cjinder, Rojara Tiones, Jirak Trikala, Polaox Torerun, Cavuna Aquafek, Jurzen Devmiko (Linvoi Warazil 45'), Limu Katarakhna, Kudii Davasarii (Sipke Tarala 45'), Nii'arala Milaaso, Fishtii Blikala
Vilita 4 - 0 Legalese
Goals: :: 26' Polaox Torerun:: 28' Polaox Torerun:: 69' Cavuna Aquafek:: 75' Mileke Drokasorna
Team: Hanauma Ranbomahi, Linkat Cjinder (Cavuna Aquafek 45'), Mileke Drokasorna, Jirak Trikala (Berali Tzufarei 71'), Cywrenta Vlintejni, Va'a-Rio Kiwavn, Limu Katarakhna, Polaox Torerun (Intikko Kuhilana 45'), Jyuola Mtalata, Sipke Tarala, Tenziki Kulakao
by Kelssek » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:40 pm
THE FOOTBALL ZINE ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE READING
REALISTIC CROWD NOISE SINCE 2006
Kelssek: Poirier, Bowler, Fourtin, Halliger, Liadon, Lapierre, Demetriev (Dionne 71’), Ó Tuathail, Champetier (Douglass 78’), Custworth (Taleb 59’), Lister.
by Banija » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:52 pm
by Sarzonia » Fri Jun 26, 2020 3:42 pm
by Farfadillis » Fri Jun 26, 2020 3:43 pm
by Pasarga » Fri Jun 26, 2020 4:07 pm
by Turori » Fri Jun 26, 2020 4:48 pm
Turori 3 - 0 Farfadillis
Goals: :: 7' Kentu Umaka'a:: 43' Wiztsana Iretziia:: 68' Mirana Gotuai
Team: Wiyauw An'maude, Mikki Mayelli, Yitizo Mpala'a, Biliki Rona'atu'i, Moumouni Verre'elali (Lati'ala Giaoka 65'), Daliora Toru'u, Mbdiai Akarenaa (Mirana Gotuai 61'), Kentu Umaka'a (Nubara Moafalia 45'), Kiidallen Aeroluzzi, Nua'oma Aikiki, Wiztsana Iretziia
by Valanora » Fri Jun 26, 2020 5:21 pm
by Brenecia » Fri Jun 26, 2020 6:06 pm
Brenecia 3 - 2 Qasden
(4-3-3) 20 - Wright; 2 - Shepherd, 22 - Leadbetter, 6 - Mathers, 19 - Prentice; 8 - Matheson (c), 4 - Townsend (23 - Fallon 65'), 14 - Caitiff; 7 - Cheney, 10 - Ciogach (9 - Bremner 81'), 16 - Fletcher (11 - Pace 76')
Goals: Caitiff 22', Prentice 37', Matheson 61'
by Mriin » Fri Jun 26, 2020 6:12 pm
by Commonwealth of Baker Park » Fri Jun 26, 2020 6:31 pm
by Mriin » Fri Jun 26, 2020 7:39 pm
by Farfadillis » Fri Jun 26, 2020 8:12 pm
by Audioslavia » Sat Jun 27, 2020 12:31 am
Script
In Episode 2, Chapter 1 of The Idiot Project, we quite rudely asserted that it’d be boring to focus on the most successful teams of the world cup. ‘Boring’ wasn’t quite the word. The word we were looking for was ‘predictable’.
This is the third episode of The Idiot Project and, in all the stats I’ve collated, it’s almost impossible to find one where the elves *don’t* dominate.
So this is the game we’re playing. Untitled Elf Game. The rules are simple:
1: Find a metric where Valanora aren’t completely fucking dominating
2: Stay at home.
3: Wash your hands.
Here we go. Round one. Win percentage over total games played. The key here is to be right at the northern end of the chart. Here’s all the usual suspects… and here’s Valanora. No dice.
Okay, round two, here’s The Torch from Episode 2. It hasn’t been updated for World Cup 84 but it’ll do the job. Total games played over Goal Difference. The better the goal difference, the further to the right you’ll be. Here’s three of the usual suspects. Where’s Valanora? We’ll need to go further east. There. Valanora are so far away from everyone else, that the majority of the football world are literally over the horizon. The graph is made fifteen percent bigger just by them being on it. This why you didn’t see them in The Torch in the last episode, I had to cut them out to fit everything in the screen.
This shit is hard. I mean, take that Quarter Final stat for example. There’s only a couple of teams who have even made 17 quarter-finals in their history, let alone in a *row*. Valanora, with 34 total appearances in the last eight, are miles ahead of everyone..
Let’s try this chart. This chart shows every international football team to have won at least two major trophies in their history. By ‘major’ we mean any one of the three official NSWC tites - the World Cup, the Cup of Harmony and the Baptism of Fire - and any of the four major regional championships, the AOCAF Cup, Copa Rushmori, Campionato Esportiva and the Independent Associations Cup. As promised in chapter two, we see Pacitalia near the top, but it’s Starblaydia above them rather than Valanora. There. A metric Valanora don’t dominate. Kind of. I mean, if you compare them to pretty much every other team in the multiverse then… erm.. Okay. I’ve got another one. Here’s one where Valanora aren’t at the top.
We’ll stay on this graph. Every colour here represents a different type of trophy. Dark colours for the regionals, light for the NSWC titles. At the bottom there’s the teams who’ve only won one type of trophy. Hypocria have a pair of AOCAF Cups, both Candelaria and Marquez have a cup each, Bostopia have two cups of harmony. The digit next to their name tells you how many colours are on their bar, for those of you who are colourblind or easily distracted. Further north, there’s a group of teams with one Cup of Harmony and one regional championship, plus Lethislavania with a BoF and CoH that they won in the *same cycle*. We’ll keep going. There’s four teams with exactly four World Cups each and nothing else, plus Druida with a slew of early AOCAF championships. Bettia are the first of a very select group of three-colour sides, while Sarzonia were the original winners of the Grand Slam - one regional title and one each of the three NSWC championships. Four in total. Four is the maximum amount of colours a team can have. That’s rule four of Untitled Elf Game. “Four is the maximum amount of colours you can have”
Nephara missed that memo. The Cormorants were already Grand Slam champions by the time the five-time Campianoato Esportiva winners leapt into Rushmore after cycle 77. They’d win the Copa Rushmori at their fourth attempt, cementing a record that is unlikely to be beaten.
Unlikely… but not impossible.
For most teams, the Grand Slam is impossible. If you don’t win your Baptism of Fire tournament then your Grand Slam ambitions die before you’ve even kicked a ball in qualifying. Let’s remove everyone in this chart that hasn’t won a BoF. Here’s Audioslavia right near the top. They were close to completing the Grand Slam in cycle 80, but lost to Mercedini in their one and only Cup of Harmony final appearance.
Of the teams left, Turori and Newmanistan are best placed to pick up the Grand Slam. Both need unlikely World Cup wins, Newmanistan require an Esportivan regional title while Turori have already shared an AOCAF Cup with neighbouring Vilita.
And… that’s the sticking point with this metric. Turori and Newmanistan would both *dearly* love to complete their Grand Slam, to win the World Cup and to be part of that elite two-team group, but here’s the thing: Valanora are still *eligible* for this Grand Slam.
When the Marauders signed up for World Cup 29, still under the moniker ‘Elves Security Forces’, they declined to enter the Baptism of Fire tournament. If they wanted to really *go* for the Grand Slam, they’d need to pull out of international football for long enough for their KPB points to decrease to zero, and then make their move. They could try to win the Cup of Harmony, but it’d mean missing out on the World Cup and another chance to win that coveted sixth world championship. They could even challenge for Nephara’s record of five colours if only they’d leave Atlantian Oceania for pastures new.
They don’t want to do that. They don’t want to do *any* of that.
In this metric, Valanora don’t absolutely dominate because - and only because - *they don’t want to*.
Maybe there aren’t any metrics wherein Valanora aren’t crushing it.
Maybe if we want a chance at winning The Untitled Elf Game we’ll have to invent a whole new way of deciding which team is the best…
Notes / Extras
Low-key my favourite TIP video.
Intro music was initially Lulu’s cover of Man who Sold the World but good lord that song is annoying to listen to more than once. Also there were originally more shots of that episode of Jeopardy interspersed with the footage. It was really bad.
Colourful graph showing every major title ever won
Quarter-final appearances in a row
Quarter-final appearances.
The Torch
Win Percentage / Total Games Played
Other random images
by Commonwealth of Baker Park » Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:25 pm
by Nephara » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:47 am
Nephara 2 - 0 95X
(4-4-2) 1 - Mercator; 2 - Stride, 5 - Thorn (vc), 6 - Brosch, 3 - Close (c, 19 - Muscadin 63'); 13 - Saroszi, 7 - Kuepper, 4 - Shone (15 - Kastriot 76'), 11 - Strongbow (16 - Deventer 70'); 9 - Bastable, 10 - Metzger
Goals: Strongbow 51', Bastable 58'
by Brenecia » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:56 am
Starblaydia 1 - 0 Brenecia
(4-3-3) 20 - Wright; 18 - Lonergan, 22 - Leadbetter, 6 - Mathers, 19 - Prentice; 8 - Matheson (c), 4 - Townsend, 14 - Caitiff (21 - Parker 86'); 7 - Cheney, 17 - Lindauer (10 - Ciogach 59'), 16 - Fletcher (11 - Pace 74')
by Free Republics » Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:14 am
Advertisement
Users browsing this forum: Auprussia, Mertagne, The Plough Islands, Valanora
Advertisement