World Cup 85 || RP Thread

[Kandorith]

Shinonome Kyoai - International
News From The Empire

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Seven Goal Spectacle Leads To Hopeful Campaign

*  Group 11                              Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Equestria                              11    9   2   0    35   16  +19    29
 2 HUElavia                               10    7   0   3    32   23   +9    21
 3 Xanneria                               10    6   3   1    24   16   +8    21
 4 Kandorith                              11    6   3   2    27   19   +8    21
 5 Fujai                                  10    3   5   2    14   18   −4    14
 6 Vdara                                  10    3   2   5    20   24   −4    11
 7 Blouman Empire                         10    2   4   4    16   19   −3    10
 8 Lo Santano                             10    2   4   4    18   24   −6    10
   South Concepthuania                    10    3   1   6    18   24   −6    10
10 Jamestownnnn                           10    3   1   6    17   24   −7    10
11 Nooooooooooooooo                       10    2   3   5    17   19   −2     9
12 Ancherion                              10    2   3   5    17   20   −3     9
13 Monglechabagd                          10    1   3   6    18   27   −9     6

Tenkyo, The worries of the home matches for Kandorith seem to be gone with a huge goal spectacle in the Empress Masumi Stadium. With a five to two scoreboard the fans were highly optimistic and cheerful as they finally saw Kandorith performing at their very best at home. Further cheers came once the matches of HUElavia and Xanneria ended of which the results drew the numbers two to four, all standing on 21 points. Hayabusa's team has been on a recent good spell with winning every match since the tactics of the team were altered.

The next match for the Kandorese Empire will be against Vdara, currently the number six in the group. Vdara is another new face on the international football stage which Kandorith has never played against yet; it is believed Hayabusa will once again take a cautious approach to matches like these. For the team it is now of vital importance to not drop any points and to set their vision and minds on taking over the second spot in the group. The Kandorese fans are extremely hopeful and the approval rating among fans towards Hayabusa is the highest any manager has had in the history of Kandorese football. Hayabusa is also the only manager ever to lead the Kandorese team for two consecutive tournaments and now the hope and wait is on to see if there will be an entire legacy for the nation under the leadership of Hayabusa.

For now, Kandorith has been performing wonderfully and will show it's resilience and strength in the upcoming matches. The only goal still is qualification and it does not matter if it's in first or second place. For the players it will be a test of mental strength and for the fans it will be endurance and having to sit through a tense campaign towards the World Cup.

[Hapilopper]

The Ellis Family house, south Buckridge
The day of World Cup 85 Qualifying Match 11: Hapilopper v. Banija
The Ellis family had made a day out of watching the big match between the Haps and the team from Banija, one of the top footballing powers in the multiverse. They were far from alone. A few days after the match, it was estimated that some 80 percent of all televisions in Hapilopper were tuned to Venerable Television’s coverage of the match. But unlike any other home, place of business or other gathering spot, the Ellis family had someone interesting with them – Nathan Ellis, the embattled defenseman for the Hapilopper National Football Team.

Ellis had been away from the team since that incident in Valentine Z, where he had laid down a cheap shot – yet another cheap shot – on Clarissa Alanis Star, the dual sport star and one of the more popular non-Hapiloppian athletes in the Dominion. Her husband, the Valkyrie General Valentijn, responded by picking Ellis up and nicely telling him to lay off. The moment put a new kind of fear into Ellis, though, and even after serving a two-match suspension – one for a red card, and one from the Hapilopper Football Association, Nate still didn’t feel like he was ready to return to the team.

So instead of dressing with his team at the Stadium of the Restoration in Banija, he was sitting in the backyard of his parents’ house in the south of Buckridge, the city he grew up in, and the city he started his club football career in. The house, your typical middle-class suburban house in the middle of a typical middle-class suburban neighborhood, was a far cry from the Stadium of the Restoration, and on a typical day, certainly a lot quieter. The loudest noise usually emanated from the road a few feet from the Ellis family property line, when some lunatics might get on their motorcycles and gun it down the road.

But on this day, there had been a block party atmosphere in the neighborhood. Families had gotten together for a pot luck barbecue on the circle road where the Ellis family lived. Children were running around in the center circle, playing games of tag, while the scent of barbecue impressed upon anyone that arrived in the neighborhood. Adults were telling jokes and exaggerating stories, while the sound of rock music played from a boombox.

Nate, however, was not interested in socializing. He was sitting on the back porch of the house, away from everyone, listening to H-Sports Radio’s broadcast of the match. He didn’t necessarily enjoy being around people, even on a good day. When he lived in Buckridge full-time, before getting picked up by Nepharim side Southfell United, those in the neighborhood sarcastically called Nate “Mr. Sunshine” for his antisocial attitude. He brushed off any attempts at other people talking to him, and anyone that wanted his autograph? Good luck with that.

But there were other things bothering him on this beautiful early evening in Buckridge. For starters, nobody from the Hapilopper National Football Team or the Hapilopper Football Association had reached out to him to see how he was doing. He had suffered a Cooter Harris-level meltdown after the Valentine Z match, and nobody, not even Cooter, had even attempted to call or text him. The only person he felt he could talk to was Dr. Belmore, the Hapilopper City-area psychiatrist that he had called practically every day to talk about his feelings.

Belmore had gotten a few things out of Nate – that his violent tendencies had stemmed from a series of incidents in middle school, where a group of schoolyard bullies beat the crap out of him for the first couple of weeks in the 6th grade. One day, Nate had enough, stole a tire iron from his father’s garage and slugged one of the bullies across the head. The feeling from smacking the bully upside the head gave him such a rush that he felt empowered to lash out more and more.

The problem, however, was that Nate didn’t know when to stop or how to channel his aggressions. One day, it’d be a thrown textbook. Next day, he’d slam a student into a water fountain. In high school, a guidance counselor suggested to him that maybe, if he tried out for a sport, he could channel his aggressions into something healthy.

“You should try soccer,” the counselor said. “It’s great, you get a lot of exercise, and you might be able to tackle people without getting in trouble.”

Nate fell in love with the game instantly, especially with getting to play defense. His defensive ability was a natural and helped propel Medwick High School’s soccer team to the top of the Buckridge City Championship. He felt more comfortable about himself, and felt like he had something to work for. People were starting to look at him in a much more positive light around Medwick High and around the area. Rather than being named “Most likely to shoot up a Mel’s Ultra-Mart,” he was named “Most likely to become an international sports hero” at his school.

Sure, there had been some incidents. A couple of gridiron players decided to test Nate’s toughness, loudly declaring he was “a sissy who signed up for some pansy-ass sport.”

Nate tripped one player and slammed his head into a locker door several times, shouting “YOU THINK THIS GAME’S FOR SISSIES?!”

The other player ran off.

That toughness became legend at Medwick High during his time there. He would involve himself in physical plays, regardless of the risks he was taking. An accidental headbutt with Johnstone High’s Parker Taylor opened up a huge cut on his head. Nate had it bandaged up, and played on, even as the bandages broke up. The shot of Nate walking off the pitch after the match, covered in blood, satisfied with how his defensive work had saved a 2-1 victory for Medwick, made headlines all over Hapilopper, and helped get him signed to FC Buckridge.

That same toughness was remembered when he was named to the Hapilopper National Football Team. Nate had been known as a player who gave no quarter and took none. That toughness made him beloved among many fans, hated among many others, but respected by almost everyone.

But what bothered him was that nobody had called him to check on him. Nobody had texted him. All he had was Dr. Belmore, who had been recommended by Ellis by the HFA.

A tear ran down Nate’s cheek. He wanted to be there for the Haps so badly. Yet, he felt like he had been thrown away like a piece of garbage because he had been a little too physical. In Nate’s eye, he had stood up for his players when they had been wronged, and to thank him, he had been shitcanned.

Those thoughts were very quickly put on the backburner. Everyone in the neighborhood started cheering wildly. The voice on Nate’s radio was going berserk.

“AND ERNIE STEVENSON HAS JUST SCORED SIX SECONDS INTO THE MATCH! THE HAPS LEAD BANIJA, ONE NIL!”

Over at the Stadium of the Restoration in Banija, the Haps had decided to fight as aggressively as possible, and Ernie Stevenson fired one into the back of the Banijan net six seconds into the match to try to put the Banijans on the back foot right off the bat. The problem with that strategy, however, was that the Haps wore themselves out, and Banija more than came back, scoring three goals in the second half of the match to take a 3-1 victory, and to demonstrate just who the toughest power in Group Six really was.

At least the Haps were still second in the group.

[West Pocono]

GUESS WHO TIED AGAIN?

For the seventh time in World Cup qualifying, the West Pocono Thunder played to a draw, this time not losing to Eastfield Lodge. Like the last game, this was not a scoreless, with the Poconi actually able to find the back of the net a single time. The consistency of this team to pick up points in World Cup qualifying should be admired, as they have done so in ten of their eleven matches thus far. The seven draws that West Pocono has picked up to this point are the highest throughout World Cup qualifying. So, it had me wondering, who would qualify in each group if it were three points for a draw, and one for a win instead of vice versa?

Group 1- Astograth & Sajnur
Group 2- Kita-Hinode & a cluster of teams on 12 points to determine the tiebreaker on (Busoga Islands, Drawkland, Kohnhead, and Jantor).
Group 3- Savojarna & Northwest Kalactin
Group 4- West Pocono & South Covello
Group 5- The Macabees & Valladares
Group 6- Hampton Island & Balqia
Group 7- Darmen & Welzat
Group 8- Devonta & Tequilo
Group 9- Kelssek & Nova Roma
Group 10- Ethane & Trolleborg
Group 11- Fujai & Blouman Empire
Group 12- Zeta Reka & 95X
Group 13- South Newlandia & Eraman
Group 14- Omerica & Newmanistan
Group 15- Emastalia & Damukuni

Obviously a silly thing to do, but interesting to see what teams would qualify under both this scenario and the right way of doing it. Just imagine what the World Cup would be like if it were the above teams and the two hosts. None of the well known names and greats of the world. But several still several good nations here, mixed in which up and coming nations, interesting rosters, and a slight sprinkle of teams with no rosters. Naturally, the way you know this is a crazy and absurd scenario is not because you are awarding more points for a draw then for a win, but because it is a scenario where Newmanistan actually makes it.

[Savojarna]

SavojarSports.sj - inside reports from all Savojarna
Rangren’s choice dilemma in the central defence

By Jaukka Halonen
Group 3 has been blown wide open by the bad start of Chromatika and the recent collapse of Adyatin, leaving almost every team on at least two wins (the only exception being Sanctanus, who have accumulated six draws to make up for it). One of the key characteristics in this fairly tricky group that has given Savojarna a solid position to qualify for their second World Cup ever in the second half of the campaign has been a strong defence. Seven goals conceded over 10 matches are not extremely remarkable across the board, as some teams like Taeshan have managed significantly fewer goals, but are still the fewest in the group by a distance. The reason for this is that Savojarna play a strong central defence, with the wingbacks advancing and pressuring opposition wingers. The question for the crucial stretch of games in The Sarian and at home against Chromatika, as well as for the second half of the group, is: Who will play at the centre-back position?

Roman Forsberg
Forsberg has somewhat surprisingly grown into the cornerstone of the defence. The Olympia Borograd back has received the most starts with eight, and profits from his height enabling him to be a very strong offensive threat at set pieces, something that Savojarna often lack since the departure of Hoyman from the starting formation. In defence, Forsberg has proven to be a calm and relatively quick defender despite his size, and with the positioning of the formerly often overly brash man getting improved significantly, he now is considered Savojarna’s defensive mainstay. This makes the young, tall defender likely to occupy a starting role in the key games of the campaign as well as a potential World Cup campaign. However, he has shown some mistakes as well, such as an over-reliance on radical tacklings that leave him prone to fouls. On the ball, his limitations have been alleviated by the help of Andersson and Maersk, but remain a handicap, albeit one that Rangren seems to care little about.

Linne Kjaer
The second-most starter next to Forsberg (starting seven games) profits from her intelligence to run the central defence and usually plays strong off the ball, positioning herself well to compensate for a lack of speed. However, despite her strength in retrieving balls, she is a bit clumsy at times, leading to vulnerability to fouls that has her seen being substituted off the most of all Savojar centre-backs at three times, two of them with a yellow card to her name. On the ball, she is competent but also a bit slow, making her a decent complement to Forsberg but a liability against more restricted, defensive sides compared to the technical skills of Zirkova or Omark. Overall, Kjaer seems the first choice right now, but it is unsure if this will remain the case.

Polina Zirkova
Zirkova has been given significant trust in the past, starting in the Copa Rushmori quarterfinal against Sargossa and also in three qualifier games, one of them the game in which Kjaer was suspended. Zirkova is particularly popular in games against more defensive sides, thanks to her ability to create on the ball. Nonetheless, there are arguments to play her more often: She is decidedly faster than Linne Kjaer, and willing to move around a lot. While this makes her an important threat in the offensive play especially when playing against more defensive teams, in Rangren’s system it can also make her a liability when playing more offensively proficient teams. A Savojarna playing around Zirkova’s weaknesses can be imagined, but it’s unlikely she will be given the nod over Kjaer on a regular basis for this campaign. Nonetheless, she is a promise for the future and a serviceable substitute especially when Savojarna are behind.

Simon Omark
Formerly a defensive mainstay for the Northlights, Omark has been pretty much entirely abandoned by Savojarna’s new coaching staff, starting only twice and not playing in any games against the four highest seeds of the group. The reason for this appears to be the unfavourable direct comparison with Forsberg in defence and in regards to scoring threats due to the latter’s height, as well as a diminished role for creativity in the centre-back position. Under Jurtanen and Zackrisson, a main reason of Omark’s popularity was the fact that he was particularly good at driving play forward with long balls or clever runs, a job that has increasingly fallen to the defensive midfielders rather than the backs under Rangren. Furthermore, the aggressive posturing of the fullbacks that Rangren prefers, coupled with the three-man-backline formed by Andersson falling back, makes it harder for centre backs to roam without compromising defensive stability, something that both Omark and Zirkova rely on to a certain degree.

Alternative options
There are already four proficient defenders in Savojarna’s squad, but the SFS shows us some more interesting talents that could be taken into consideration. First, Lok’s Trent Ullqvist has been on the extended lists before and has played three international games for Savojarna, two of them friendlies. Ullqvist could be a younger version of Omark, although with more solidity in the air, and a possible alternative not only in the back, but also on the defensive midfield position. Similarly, Energie Thorsborg’s Zibo Olberg is a player with potential to take on a creative role together with Forsberg or Kjaer, although for both of them it is hard to make a convincing case that they should be called up over Zirkova.
Rotor Värstjö’s Anders Hangren has shown an impressive SFS A season as a more destructive defender, but would need to back it up in the future in order to be considered viable for the team, whereas other SFS mainstays such as Rasmus Helman, Mikael Nielsen or Andrea Najmina fail to offer much over the current roster. While they all perfectly fit the Savojar bill of a defensively oriented, physical defender, it has generally been considered necessary for Northlights centre-backs to be confident on the ball and technically adept. Perhaps a long shot, but interesting alternative to finish on is Lauri Anttakari of Savojars Vinge, a tall and defensively oriented centre-back that could combine the offensive threat of Forsberg with a more solid outlook than many other options in the pool.

Overall, the central defence is a position where Savojarna are full of options, although many of them have their strengths and weaknesses, making it a relatively volatile balance to strike. Rangren so far has succeeded in doing so, and it is likely she will stick to her guns of Forsberg and Kjaer, although many other players await in the shadows. It will be interesting to see if Zirkova can balance her movement more over the course of time, as well as whether players like Ullqvist, Olberg or Anttakari will be given a chance in the near future in test matches or qualifiers against lower-ranked teams.

[Flavovespia]

Loxthorpe Rovers

The First Kit

Loxthorpe Rovers formed in 82BU as Loxthorpe FC. The exact shades and details of kits worn in the first year or so are hard to come by, but their 79BU kit in the inaugural Gold Cup was known to be “a green body with white trousers and socks”, according to a match report. There’s no evidence to the contrary in existence, so that is what Kitblog believes is the first kit for Loxthorpe Rovers. The shade is a bit harder to completely confirm, but a 72BU kit was in this colour, so again, this is the best guess.

Celebrated Classic

The 13BU-12BU kit was voted here. In an era where kits were becoming increasingly more busy and cluttered, Loxthorpe Rovers went with a classic look of green and white stripes. However they touched it off with some gold piping and trim, just enough to give the kit a unique look without falling for the excesses of the time. Worn to 2 mid-table finishes in the GWNFA Super League, so not the most memorable in terms of results, but a look the fans remember, and has since been restyled and redesigned many times in future seasons.

Modern Marvel

Their 12AU kit is the somewhat surprise winner here. Like with the celebrated classic, it combines green and white stripes with gold trim. In this case, the flow of the trim and white stripe down the sleeves works well, and the kit balances the classic green and white with modern day design. That said it’s probably not the most unanimously liked of the Modern Marvel kits. Sadly it worn in a season where they came only 13th in the Super League, so not fondly remembered for on pitch performances. Nevertheless, it was still chosen as the favourite of the modern era.

Colour of Success

5AU wins here, the season Loxthorpe Rovers took their second ever Super League title, one season after their first. They were also losing GWFA Cup finalists, just giving this season the edge in this category. Although it’s a green and white striped kit, it is heavy on the green, and with gold trim as well, the amount of white on this shirt is noticeably less than previous years. Not all fans approved of this look, one of the first to move away from the more simple kits that began the new era of football in the nation. Nevertheless it was a title winning and cup finalist kit, and thus iconic images were created in this shirt.

Fashion Disaster

Loxthorpe Rovers fans have long memories, as they choose the 41BU-35BU home kit as their fashion disaster. The GWNFA had a kit policy when the GWNFA Super League began of avoiding away kits by giving every team a unique colour. Loxthorpe Rovers were unfortunately the only team who couldn’t carry over any of their usual home colour, and wore these orange tops for 7 seasons, with black shorts and socks as a default. Despite some questionable looks in other seasons, the “it’s not green” kit won, and it took until 29BU before the team could return to green and white.

[Valanora]

The tension that was building had been let out a little bit after a vintage Laborious Hawk display had righted the Maurauders' ship. There was not many words that could adequately describe the legendary midfielders performance but apart from brilliant and superb. It was the sort of displays that made youngsters want to get into the game and older folk appreciate the beauty of it. Hawk just had that certain something about him that brought out the best of people when it was channeled correctly and it had been so.

A rest was to be had, as the Marauders had finally come upon their first of two bye days in the qualifying schedule it was a deserved rest after weathering the storm.of the campaign and their own worries and doubts but still be atop the table and in a qualifying spot regardless of how the matches would proceed on their off day. It would give the team a chance to reflect in their first half performance and see what needed some fine tuning and what was already working quite well. It also gave them a few days to ease the mental burden that such a prolonged qualifying campaign was bringing to the squad.

The rumors of the manager being replaced had surfaced after the Eraman matchand it was not without a bit of merit. While the Marauders had had a few spells of looking like one of the best teams in the world, those spells were too few and far between to be counted towards the mananger doing their job. Rumors still persist that should the Marauders not finish the qualifying campaign at the top of their group, that the ma ager will be getting replaced, even if the Empire is in second place and still qualified for the Finals. Such is the weight of expectations that come with the job of being the manager of the Marauders.

However there is still a second half of qualifying to play and the side knows where it needs to improve to get the results expected of it. A good second half showing will do wonders not just for the job security of the manager but for the squad to have their minds right for that potential trip into the Finals. As we saw two years ago, if you are not ready for that gauntlet on the first match day, you might as well be signing up to already be eliminated.

[Port Ember]

Port Emberian Times

The Road to World Cup 85 Edition

MATCHDAY 11 MATCH REPORT

Cheergirls 0 - 1 Port Ember

The Port Emberian National Football Team, nicknamed the Dragons managed to pick up a uninspired victory, despite strong predictions that a victory was far out of reach for this young squad undergoing unimaginable turbulent times. This victory was picked up during Match Day 11 of the World Cup 85 Qualification Season against Cheergirls.

This match was the first encounter between these two teams in history, and took place within the Hazel City High School field, situated within the city of Hazel City within the nation of Cheergirls.

The Match

The atmosphere of the Cheergirls/PE match matched the sulken mood of the grieving downtrodden Port Emberian squad, as the Port Emberian Dragons jogged onto the field with their red armbands (in honor and memory of their murdered captain Ray Reddington) - to a whopping crowd... of 2000 fans. This was by far the smallest, most backwater stadiums which this team has ever visited in their professional career.

The derby kicked off with the Cheerleaders providing one hell of a challenge to the off-form Port Emberian squad, as they launched an amazing effort of attacking football, utilizing a system never encountered by our national team before. The system our opponents employed can only be defined as "absolute chaos and mayhem" - seemingly following absolutely no structure, strategy or plan at all. This plan of no plans clearly caught our team offgaurd, forcing them against the wall, struggling to defend and counter this mayhem. Furthermore, although I am sure none will ever openly admit it, I am certain that our young lads were throughly distracted by the girls in their skimpy cheerleader uniforms. The few counter attacks mounted by the Dragons failed to amass to anything truly threatening.

The second half seemed to go a bit better as the Port Emberians managed to seize more control over posession and finally managed to score in minute 71 when winger Eric Tosaír charged like someone posessed through a opening on the right flank, slotting the ball home past the acrobatic keeper. The game finished 20 minutes later with the Port Emberians only seeking to maintain posession without attempting another offense.

Player Scores For The Match:

(GK)(#1) Peter Smith: 6/10
(CB)(#2) Josh Richards: 6/10
(CB)(#3) Jason Lee: 6/10
(LB)(#4)Alex Kuhn: 7/10
(RB)(#5)Russel Pierce: 6/10
(AM)(#10): William Carvello: 7/10
(DM)(#6): Steven Packard: 6/10
(LM)(#8): Jason Chamberlain: 6/10
(RM)(#11): Eric Tosaír of the Tribe of Waterford: 7/10
(CF)(#7) Leon Moult: 7/10
(CF)(#9)Danny Nicovic: 6/10

Substitutes:

(CF)(#22)Ryan Bowman: 6/10

Match Stats
Match: Port Ember Vs Cheergirls
Location: Cheergirls
Result: 0 - 1
Goals - Port Ember: Eric Tosaír
Goals - Cheergirls: None
Man of the Match - Port Ember: Eric Tosaír

Much to my disappointment the new coach of the team - Kent Block refused to release a post game statement.

Article by Erica Davies
Port Ember Times

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Port Emberian Times

The Road to World Cup 85 Edition

MATCHDAY 12 WIND UP

Match Day 12: Port Ember vs Vlasisitan

It's the eleventh match for our national team as part of the World Cup 85 Qualifiers, Group 8.

Location: The match is to be played at the Lilly Black Memorial Stadium, situated within the Lilly Black Borough of the capital city of Port Ember Megalopolis; Republic of Port Ember. This will be the first encounter between these two teams and is predicted to be in front of a fully packed stadium - nicknamed "The Dragon's Lair".

Team Breakdown: Port Ember

- International Ranking: 40.
- Current Standing in Group 8: 6
- Momentum: W,L,W,D,L,L,W,D,Bye,L,W
- Formation: 4-4-2
- Playstyle High Octane Offensive Play
- Kit to be used for next match: Main Kit (White & Blue)

The favorite underdogs and rapid rising stars have entered the darkest and most uncertain period of their young history. Recently the team's cohesion was broken by petty internal arguments and conflicts, eventually leading to the murder of their best player and Captain, Ray Reddington, by fellow player - reserve midfielder Frazer Murray, leading to the sudden resignation of the coach who established this very team - Stuart Baxter, culminating in the appointment of a complete wild card as the new manager - a man who has never coached a professional team before - one Kent Block. It remains to be seen whether this troubled team has what it takes to snap back from this dark hole.

Starting XI
- Goalkeeper (GK)(#1): Peter Smith.
- Center Back (CB)(#2): Josh Richards.
- Center Back (CB)(#3): Jason Lee.
- Full Back (LB)(#4): Alex Kuhn.
- Full Back (RB)(#5): Russel Pierce.
- Attacking Midfield (AM)(#10): William Carvello. (C)
- Defensive Midfield (DM)(#6): Steven Packard.
- Wide Midfield (LM)(#8): Jason Chamberlain.
- Wide Midfield (RM)(#11): Eric Tosaír of the Tribe of Waterford
- Central Forward (CF)(#7): Leon Moult.
- Central Forward (CF)(#9): Danny Nicovic.

Team Breakdown: Vlasisitan

- International Ranking: UR
- Current Standing in Group 8: 10
- Momentum: D,Bye;D;W;L:L;W;D;D;L;L
- Formation: Unknown
- Playstyle Completely Balanced Gameplay (Equal focus on Offense/Defense)

The Sultunate of Vlasisitan National Football Team is a absolute newcomer to the international football scene, this being their first ever international season appearance. They have had a struggling season, only albe to win two matches out of 10, and lost four, but also drew four. They have proven to be a fresh take on the pitch, managing to pull off numerous draws, making them a true wildcard in this group.

No starting roster has been made available.

An Analyst's Input - How do we win this one?!?

"There is not much to it actually. We maintain the advantage in areas such as fitness, talent, tactics and skill. Beating them, on paper at least, is a no brainer. Same old retort - stick to the basics and remain focused. However it seems that our teams performance lately is more unstable than a child on crack. I honestly dont know what to expect anymore, and with our new Coach, no one else does either." - Gerhard Black, Football Analyst and Journalist for Port Ember Times.

With that all said - I personally wish our lads the best of luck for the upcoming match - Make us Proud!!!

Article By Erica Davies
Port Ember Times

[Kohnhead]

Deep Dive: Jackson Newcastle



Special thanks to Jonathon Blackman of Kohnhead Sports Performing Network for doing a look into the players on the team. We start with the goalkeeper Jackson Newcastle.

5 years earlier
Jackson Newcastle at age 29 had just suffered a gruesome knee injury in an unimportant game for FC Kohnface City against bottom of the table Swisston FC. The doctors said it would take over 9 months before he would be able to play again, "I thought my career was over. Kohnface City would release me just seven days later, I didn't know if I I had more to prove and didn't want to keep playing." This was not his first major injury for the star goalkeeper but he hoped it would be the last.

"I talked with my family, was there a reason for me to keep playing? This was the low point in my career, I had finally joined with a big club only to have this happen, it hurt my soul deeply. They were able to convince me I was still wanted and I could still prove. In particular my brother John had the biggest impact." Newcastle started his intense rehab and wondered if a team would give him a chance, but he now had a determination to keep playing. John Newcastle had been the better soccer player throughout their childhood, a tragic injury left him alive but unable to play ever again, Newcastle has played for John since then.

"I couldn't just stop there was still so much more I knew I could accomplish." 13 months later he finally got cleared to not play but start running. It took him a lot longer to rehab than most but after 18 months and he was already 31 he could play again. "The question was would there be a team that was interested in signing me. I was completely surprised when the call came in from Walter."

For those of you who don't know, Sir Walter Birchy is the legendary manage of Kohnhead City FC the best club in Kohnhead. He not only wanted Newcastle on the team, he wanted him as the starting keeper as they tried to win their fifth straight title. He even got his number 1 the number he had worn since John's injury.

1 Year Ago
Following the best two seasons of Newcastle's career the announcement came that Kohnhead was finally allowed to participate in International competitions including the Baptism of Fire and the World Cup Qualifiers. Along with many of his teammates he was invited to a tryout. "It was the greatest honor I could receive as a player, and then to make the squad and be named the starter it was something else entirely."

We know the story at the Baptism of Fire. A great start for Newcastle gave way to struggles in a 3-0 loss to Tequilo and from then on he struggled in almost all of the remaining games. We know about the concussion that kept him sidelined for three games and then how in the four games after he has allowed one goal total and they've won three and lost one.

"This team is hungry. We aren't going to stop with overachieving a tiny bit, we want the World Cup. They can say it's not possible as long as they want but we won't believe them until qualifiers are over. We want it more like they do," Newcastle says as he sits outside the team facilities outside of Barnley.

Again a big thanks for that article from Jonathon Blackman. We will be seeing more of those in the future, I think next he talks with the captain Aaron Korkson, unfortunately the team itself lost 1-0 Yesterday to Squornshelan Remnant States. Callie Porsha played well in her debut, here are the standings:

Group 2                                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Kita-Hinode                                  10    8   2   0    27   11  +16    26
 2 Busoga Islands                               10    6   2   2    23   12  +11    20
 3 Kohnhead                                     10    6   2   2    22   15   +7    20
 4 Drawkland                                    10    6   2   2    17   11   +6    20
 5 Squornshelan Remnant States                  10    6   1   3    27   22   +5    19
 6 Torisakia                                    10    5   1   4    21   15   +6    16
 7 Donnacona                                    11    5   0   6    10    9   +1    15
 8 Jantor                                       10    3   3   4    18   23   −5    12
 9 Wreckeria                                    10    3   2   5    16   22   −6    11
10 Gyatso-kai                                   10    2   3   5    18   22   −4     9
11 Lochario                                     10    1   4   5    10   17   −7     7
12 Balaslandia                                  11    2   0   9    20   34  −14     6
13 EGM                                          10    1   2   7    13   29  −16     5

[Pasarga]

That sound you are hearing coming from Torgos is the sound of a collective sigh of relief. A sigh of relief as the Wanderers for honestly the first time in the campaign finally played up to billing of being a pot two team and favored to grab the second qualifying spot in the group. It was a long time coming for the squad to finally show a bit of life and fight for the group but it was a classy offensive performance that will be seen on the sports shows for the rest of the year, so thoroughly was the Wanderers domination of their opponent.

Where does that leave the side as we head into the final international weekend of the first half? Well they are in an ok position, currently occupying the second spot in the table with a chance to leapfrog Valanora who are sitting top of the group but have their hye day coming up next. It is and likely to continue to be a contentious battle for the second spot in the group with the expected side of Eramen doing well and South Newlandia punching well above their position of being fresh out of the Baptism of Fire. Yet it is better to be the side being chased than having to do the chasing as the Wanderers can attest to from the end of last Qualifying.

Jager has been the brightest star for the Wanderers and looks to be the key man for the side if they intend to return to the Finals. That is not to underplay the importance or quality of the rest of the team, but it has become very obvious who is the leading player for the side. It has become a case that the team is doing well in the matxhes that Jager does well in and they struggle to make their mark in the matches that Jager is unable to adsert his will over the match in. It is dangerous to be so reliant on one player to be the key to the team's success but if it is what will lead the squad back to glory, they will have to make do.

These last two matches of the first half will give a good indication if the side has really turned the corner or not. Stringing together three wins in a row to end the first half qill be a huge boost in confidence and solidify their position of finishing in the top two. For a sode that has lacked consistency for the last decade, this would be a very opportune time to go back to twenty years ago when the side had solved their consistency issues and challenged for titles. It is time to quit playing to the level of their opponents and instead to the level of talent they have shown domestically with their clubs.

[Garifunya]

OOC: The following contains descriptions of racially-motivated violence and refers back to this RP and this RP. Please skip this if you think this will be inappropriate for you. It has no bearing on RL events.

3 killed, others injured in racially-motivated Frederykvil attack

Maryssa Hassink, De Frederykvil Dagblad

A gang of black and white men descended on a primarily Latino housing complex in east Frederyvkil yesterday evening, killing three individuals and wounding dozens of others. Eyewitnesses describe children playing and parents relaxing and chatting outside when three trucks pulled up. More than a dozen men spilled out of the vehicles, wielding clubs, knives, and firearms, and began attacking the community. According to witnesses, the men were yelling racial slurs and saying "Leave our country!", before opening fire and attacking primarily male individuals. Most residents attempted to flee inside their houses, but a few fought back against the attackers. After a few minutes, police sirens could be heard and the attackers piled back into their trucks and sped away. The three individuals killed were identified as Miguel Morillo, Gustavo Vargas, and Abel Figueroa, who all had attempted to defend their community against the attackers.

This was not the first incident of racially-motivated violence this year. Attacks have been made on black and white communities, but it seems Latino communities and individuals, which make up just 4.5% of Garifunya's population, have most often been targeted. East Frederykvil especially has become home to more Latinos immigrating from Central America, South America, and the Caribbean. Experts who have been studying the problem say they have seen a rise in hate speech and threats online, and point to the existence of a "dark web" that is used by fringe groups to plot attacks and obtain weapons on the black market. Another troubling revelation is that individuals who promulgate hate speech online have often been linked to support for the National Party or the Patriotic Union, two right-of-centre opposition parties.

National Party founder and newspaper magnate Arjan Staal, when asked for comment, denounced the attack and disavowed National Party involvement: "This attack was ugly and not condoned by the National Party. We do not support the use of violence against innocent civilians and we had nothing to do with it. This does, however, show the failure of the Prins administration to crack down on violent crime and how ineffective their gun-grabbing laws have been. The National Party stands for the right of all ethnic communities to defend themselves with firearms. The only thing that would have stopped these men is an armed populace." The Patriotic Union had no comment as of press time, but promised to put out a statement soon.

Frederykvil mayor Lahari Hansen, police chief Charles Klinkhammer, and Wijksraadpresident (District Council President) David Breider issed a joint statement on the attack, saying, "We condemn the violence used against our Latino community in the strongest possible terms. This is not what Frederykvil is about. We stand committed to a multiracial and democratic community where problems are solved and voices are heard at the ballot box, not in street violence. We will pass legislation, appropriate funds, and take action to address violence, the black market, and online hate groups, and we call on President Prins and the legislature to do the same."

Puerto CF, the primarily Latino-backed and staffed Eerste Divisyon football club, said, "Our hearts break for the violence that has been inflicted today. We recognize our responsibility and importance to the Latino community and we deplore the attack. We will be donating money to the families of the victims and will memorialize Miguel, Gustavo, and Abel in our upcoming season. We stand together. We will never forget you."

President Prins issued a statement condemning the attack and promising swift action. This attack comes at an awkward time for the Prins administration. They had hoped to bask in the glow of the new Vice-President, Simone Lunenborg, and spend time discussing measures to reinvigorate the economy. Now the issue of crime and violence has reared its ugly head. The response from the President and legislature will determine the future of Garifunya.

[Filindostan]

By the Numbersssss555...

Izz me again for your daily (or semi-daily) dose of numbersssss555.

At first, we were not sure when we'll be back for more numbersssss555. But now, we'll just give some random numbers related to the World Cup qualifying campaign.

4 - The number of goalkeepers included in the World Cup qualifying pool. Since their debut qualifying campaign, the Pula Garudas have included more than 3 goalies in their squad. Actually in World Cup 79 qualifying, they had 6 players on the pool, including both Tonyo Vera and Cahya Kartawijaya, who are 2 of the goalies in the national pool.

40 - The percentage of matches Tonyo Vera will be taking part in. That is around 5.2 matches per 13 games, or we can have 10 matches in 26 games. the remaining 16 will be distributed to other candidates to determine the other 2 keepers joining the Fortunas keeper either in the World Cup finals or in the Cup of Harmony.

9 - Goals conceded by the Pula Garudas as of Matchday 11. After 10 matches (Matchday 6 was a bye day), Filindostan had the second fewest goals conceded after that number of matches, tied with 79. 80 takes the cake with the least goals conceded with 7. This figure was highly influenced by how the team had their philosophy of either attack or defense. In 79, they had a defensive oriented philosophy, only for them to abandon it and favor an attacking brand of football once the second half of qualifiers started.

We'll probably discuss other numbersssss later, I just need to get some sleep, and be back after some messages.

[Sargossa]

Tens of thousands of faces disappeared behind hands. The swerving drive from Mauricio Sainz had looked destined for the top corner but bent narrowly away at the last minute to disappear into the stand. Audiosania may not be the Audiosamia as Audioslavia (thankfully) but they were still doing a sterling job of keeping the Sargossan attack at bay. A run of just a single point from a possible nine may have come to end with the impressive victory away to Rafael Barrios’ Barunia but the Corsairs couldn’t afford to fall any further behind runaway leaders Cassadaigua and the always impressive Kelssek. Which is why Juan José Barreto’s side had all but given up on defending.

Both wingbacks and the defensive midfielder had been sacrificed, replaced by the tricky Esteban Leguizamo, the experienced Diego Puebla and the talented Diego Cazalla. Cazalla joined Sainz and Diego Alejandro Costa up front while Leguizamo and Puebla took up positions either side of César Goyoso and Adrián Fonseca in a midfield four. Speed and width, that is what the coach was demanding. The opposition were ranked where they were for reason. Up the tempo, the coach gesticulated from the technical area. Move the ball and the opponents around and get in behind them. Huff, puff and blow that sodding house right down.

Except it was the Sargossan house that almost imploded all on its own, as Roberto Penedo had to throw himself at the feet of a marauding attacker who had tried to take full advantage of the acres of space that had been presented to him. Around the Ciudad Deportiva fifty thousand fans let out a breath they hadn’t realised they’d been holding. That nervous interlude aside Barreto’s ‘fuck it, charge’ mentality was having an effect. Cazalla was denied by a smart save from close range, Goyoso stung the palms of the keeper from distance and Costa slide a presentable chance wide of the post. The Corsairs were huffing. The house was creaking. But would it fall?

Yes. Ultimately. It was the nous of Puebla on the right that created the breakthrough. The El Nacional winger tricked his way beyond his marker wide on the right and stood a tantalising ball up into the box. It cleared Sainz but behind him Leguizamo came steaming in to plant a header into the back of the net. The stadium celebrated. Maturín celebrated. The whole damn nation celebrated. It was a battle narrowly won in a protracted war, some way from conclusion.

[Jeckland]

JECKLAND SHOCK BULLS TO BLOW GROUP WIDE OPEN

Jeckland pulled off a shock 1-0 victory over Audioslavia in front of a raucous crowd at Jecken Stadium.

The Spuds went into the game off the back of a 4-0 win against Muradil, but a much different tactical battle faced them on this occasions. Audioslavia’s counter-attacking style is not something Jeckland would have been accustomed to from a better side than themselves, but they appeared willing to be patient and work the ball around in the absence of any obvious openings in the Bulls defensive shape. Pain and Hodson were reluctant to commit themselves forward, instead staying back to limit the threat of a counter-attack. This however led to Jeckland struggling to progress up the pitch due to a lack of numbers.

This bizarre stalemate meant the first quarter of the game passed with no incident or action of any significant note. The first shot on target came shortly before the hour mark, Knudsen’s effort from the edge of the area saved relatively comfortably by Clemens. This incident seemed to spur Audioslavia on, committing a little more to their attacks. This brought some success, with both Jeckish centre halves having to make vital interceptions to prevent goal scoring opportunities.
Jeckland seemed to be banking on set pieces to be a major source of goal threat, with a strange but seemingly effective new system in place at free kicks and corners. Every player in the opposition box, clustered in the penalty area, then ran in seemingly random but actually predetermined directions moments before the kick was taken. A Pain free kick was nodded wide by Sanderson in the best example of this in the first half.

The second half came, with Jeckland knowing the longer they kept the scores level the greater the tactical advantage they had. There was pressure on Audioslavia to win to hold their position in a qualifying space, and as such sooner or later Patterick may be tempted into trying something more adventurous. That didn’t happen at the beginning of the second half formation wise, but both Knudsen and Moxey hitting the target with shots showed a slightly more attacking intent in the first ten minutes. The Bulls were happy to keep the ball in attack, but Jeckland remained in their shape to snuff out most attacks that came.

On 65 minutes, Cyprian Stack, the striker who had been isolated for much of the game, was substituted, with his replacement Lynton more likely to be able to bring others into play. Within three minutes that decision looked a masterstroke. Lynton held the ball up with his back to goal 30 yards out, drawing a foul from a seemingly innocuous position. Jeckland loaded the box from the free kick, and it was captain Teddie Gilbert who broke free and headed home from Sanderson’s ball in. Gilbert’s celebration was notably muted despite the deafening roar of the 100,000 strong crowd, as the captain realised the team needed to keep their heads to hold onto an unprecedented lead.

Audioslavia manager Patterick’s response to going behind was confusing to say the least. Initially he didn’t make a substitution for ten further minutes. Knudsen, probably their best attacking outlet, came off for striker Rosel, who seemed to be deployed in the same role as the man he replaced despite usually being an orthodox striker. The other remaining attacking change saw defender Osborn come into the midfield for Cacho, seemingly deployed in a floating role somewhere vaguely forward on the pitch. Whilst the formation seemed to cause some confusion for the Jeckish defenders as to who to mark, it didn’t result in a huge amount of chances. A stoppage time through ball saw Rosel through one on one, but a poor touch meant Clemens dived onto the ball as the Jeckish crowd roared almost as loudly as when the goal was scored. Clemens thumped the ball upfield and the final whistle blew, causing huge celebrations from players, staff and fans alike.

Jeckland will have to bring themselves back to earth before their trip to Euran Ocenia Territories, where they will face almost the polar opposite of Audioslavia from a tactical sense. But for now, they can bask in the glory of one of their greatest wins ever.

Kayden Ross: “Outstanding result. The boys worked hard from minute one to ninety four and fully deserved the three points. Obviously this is a titanic achievement, but at the end of the day it counts the same as any other win and we have to back it up in the remaining qualifiers.”

ELSEWHERE IN GROUP 1

Both Astograth and Sajnur failed to take full advantage of the Bulls latest defeat, drawing with lowly Villablanca and Euran Oceania Territories. New Lusitania bridged the gap to the front with a thrilling 8-3 (yes, 8-3) victory over Necosia. TJUN-ia suffered a large home defeat, not for the first time, against Turori, who won big for what feels like the fiftieth time. Natanians and Nosts claimed a victory over Muradil.

RESULTS

Sajnur 1–1 Euran Oceania Territories
Jeckland 1–0 Audioslavia
Natanians and Nosts 1–0 Muradil
Villablanca 0–0 Astograth
TJUN-ia 1–5 Turori
New Lusitania 8–3 Necosia

TABLE

-  Group 1                                     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Turori                                       10   10   0   0    37    7  +30    30
 2 Astograth                                    10    5   4   1    18    7  +11    19
 3 Audioslavia                                  10    6   1   3    13    5   +8    19
 4 Sajnur                                       11    5   4   2    25   21   +4    19
 5 New Lusitania                                10    4   4   2    27   20   +7    16
 6 Jeckland                                     10    4   3   3    20   18   +2    15
 7 Natanians and Nosts                          10    3   4   3    15   19   −4    13
   Porticalia                                   10    3   4   3     9   13   −4    13
 9 Villablanca                                  10    2   4   4     9   18   −9    10
10 TJUN-ia                                      10    2   3   5    22   26   −4     9
11 Muradil                                      10    2   2   6    13   21   −8     8
12 Euran Oceania Territories                    10    1   2   7    16   31  −15     5
13 Necosia                                      11    0   3   8    15   33  −18     3

Turori’s lead grows again, this time into double figures. Eleven points behind are the chasing pack of Astograth, Audioslavia and Sajnur, the latter having played a game more. New Lusitania and Jeckland are poised just behind them, with an amazing run needed by any of the teams below to disrupt the order at the top.

MATCHDAY 12 FIXTURES

Turori (1st) vs. New Lusitania (5th) - One of the tougher fixtures for the Eels - not that that seems to matter at the moment.

Astograth (2nd) vs. TJUN-ia (10th) - A potentially tricky one for the Olives, but the kind of game they have to win to maintain their challenge at the top.

Muradil (11th) vs. Villablanca (9th) - Muradil will look at this as must win, and probably have the edge due to home advantage.

Audioslavia (3rd) vs. Natanians and Nosts (=7th) - These two teams have consistently ruined accumulators so far in this group, so it’s not as easy to predict as it appears.

Euran Oceania Territories (12th) vs. Jeckland (6th) - Before qualification kicked off you’d have had this as an easy home win - now it is anyone’s guess.

Porticalia (=7th) vs. Sajnur (4th) - Sajnur need a win here with their off day looming, but it won’t be a simple task.

Necosia are finally given the sweet release of a bye day from their miserable campaign to date.

---

Eleven

The first steps to fixing your life are realising just how bad things are. I’d had my moment of realisation. Now it was time to admit it.

The phone rang three times, before Mum picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mum.”

“How are you? Is everything alright?”

I’d hidden this from her for too long.

She knew that I’d been stressed and tired, but I’d always put it down to uni work. I wanted to protect her from my problems, knowing she was dealing with her own, but things had reached a point where that was no longer possible. I had to come clean.

“I’m leaving university” I blurted out. I’d considered how I would say it, but this was going to be a shock to her no matter what I did. So I went straight there.

The next hour was a blur of confession from me. Finally, I could tell someone how I’d been feeling all this time. She asked questions, I answered them. I went off on tangents, not often sticking to a consistent timeline, rushing to get the words out of me. This felt like a fraction of the weight I’d been carrying coming off my shoulders. This felt good.

I didn’t mention the bus though. I’d moved past that line of thinking with my decision to leave university, so I didn’t feel the need to scare Mum. I was no longer a risk to myself, at least not in that way.

And through it all, I knew I could bank on one thing. The thing that had been constant throughout all this. The unconditional, unrelenting love and support of my mother. She agreed it was the right decision to leave. She must have been angry at my consistent lies over the past few months, but she hid it well.

And so a week later, I found myself back in my bedroom at my old house. Did I know what to do next? Did I fuck. But I knew that I felt better about life today than I had yesterday. And that was a start.

[Siovanija and Teusland]

7:30PM - Mujaguzo Palace, Busukuma, Banija

The Siovanija & Teusland delegation in Banija had enjoyed an excellent reception on their first day in the country. Ever since their arrival in the country, every step had been taken by the hosts to ensure the warmest welcome possible. And now, here they were, in the grand hall of Mujaguzo Palace, admiring the brilliance of such an important place.

Chancellor Dominik Meier and his family, including wife Anna and young son Franz, were at the head of the group. They were joined, also, by several important ministers of the United Republics’ government: Sergey Sedlacek, the Defence Minister, Lukas Heider, the Nuclear Safety Minister as well as Rudolph Klauberg, Minister of Infrastructure. The Armed Forces were represented by Grand Admiral Alfred Reinmann, Chief of Staff of the Marine. They’d enjoyed a tour of the palace given by the Kabaka himself. The Chancellor and Grand Admiral were each history buffs, and enjoyed the Banijan history lesson that came with it, conversing with Kabaka Mwanga about his country’s history.

And to cap off the excitement of the first day was the dinner itself, hosted in this great hall. The Kabaka spoke, thanking the group for their visit to the country, and spoke of the great importance placed on the relationship between the two countries within Banija. Chancellor Meier also spoke, stating that the meeting in Stelburg between himself and Isebantu Mutungi had marked the beginning of a great future for both countries, and that the Chancellor was looking forward to continuing to build the friendship between the two states with this meeting in Busukuma.

When the dinner concluded, some of the visitors had shuffled out of the room. The families of the visiting officials, as well as some of the aides on the trip, departed for the night. There was still business to be done, however, things to be discussed. Katikkiro Kobe Azizi began the next phase of the evening by introducing some early topics for discussion before the important national security meetings tomorrow. The Katikkiro announced that Banija would be bidding for the upcoming Olympic Games alongside a Rushmori nation, and that the city of Istria would be a candidate city. The Banijan government was hoping to work again with Teus architectural company Architektur Erhart-Palme for the construction of a new Olympic Stadium in the city. In addition, as the Banijan Olympic Committee intended on having gridiron football as a demonstration event at the Games, they were wondering about the possibility of hosting a few early-stage matches in Siovanija & Teusland.

Finishing his remarks, Katikkiro Azizi called for a 10-minute break, giving the visiting delegation a chance to prepare their response. A quick call was made to Erwin Holthuzer, President of the Siovanija & Teusland Olympic Committee, who eagerly gave his response to the idea. At the conclusion of the break, Chancellor Meier rose to speak.

“First of all, I’d again like to say thank-you for an excellent evening. We’d like to offer our congratulations on the upcoming bid for the Olympic Games, and I personally would like to offer the best of luck on the bidding process. I’ve spoken already with Mr. Erwin Holthuzer, the President of our national Olympic Committee and our representative to the Olympic Council, and he is confident that the joint bid will have the full support of Siovanija & Teusland. As for your query regarding the construction of a new Olympic Stadium in Istria, I’ll let my Minister for Infrastructure, Rudolph Klauberg, respond.”

The Minister rose. He was a high-riser in the National Democratic Union ranks, and this trip abroad was a great opportunity for him. “We were all quite proud to watch the brilliant opening of the Stadium of the Restoration at the opening match of World Cup 81. And knowing the impact that Architektur Erhart-Palme made on the world through the construction of the stadium was a source of pride for all Siovanijans and Teus, and symbolized the great partnership between our two countries. Since the Stadium of the Restoration project, AEP have also worked on the new Draistadion in St. Jakob, and are currently in the finishing stages of the new Franz-Gorz-Stadion in Stelburg, which will be the second-biggest stadium in the country at 70,000 seats and will be the new home of historic football club FC Teussen Stelburg. We know that AEP will once again be proud to work with your government on the construction of the Istria Olympic Stadium, and that Siovanijans and Teus will be proudly watching.”

Chancellor Meier rose again. “As for the second part of your request. Great strides have already been taken in terms of growing the sport of gridiron football in our country, and we’re all looking forward to the upcoming Gridiron Football League of Banija games which will take place in Borograd and St. Jakob - I’ve got tickets, in fact, for the game between the Black Mambas and Springboks in Borograd. Sport is always a great way to grow the relationships between countries. Mr. Holthuzer has echoed that sentiment.”

The Chancellor paused, taking a brief glance at the notepad in front of him. “And we agree that hosting some of the early-stage matches of the gridiron football demonstration event would be an excellent opportunity for us. We propose the use of the Olimpski-Stadion in the national capital, Borograd, for the event. It seats 60,000 spectators, and is currently the second-largest in the country. As a proud Stelburger, it pains me to ruin the old joke that the Olimpski-Stadion would never live up to its name, but as a proud citizen of Siovanija & Teusland, I couldn’t be happier to see such an important event having the chance to be held in our country.”

Chancellor Meier paused again. “And, after speaking with Mr. Holthuzer, we’ve agreed that we will use this opportunity to continue the growth of gridiron football in the country by fielding a first-ever national team in the demonstration event itself. Again, we offer our full support and best wishes for the Olympic bid.”

With that, the meeting would break off for the evening. Already great progress had been made, and more was to come with the important national security meetings to come tomorrow. The delegations mingled for a while after the dinner had concluded, Chancellor Meier conversing again with Isebantu Mutungi, who he had gotten to know quite well in Stelburg, as well as the new Katikkiro, who he was already developing a rapport with. Grand Admiral Reinmann continued to discuss historical events and stories from the history of both countries with the Kabaka. The three Ministers chatted with Banijan counterparts as well, admiring the artwork on display at the Palace.

Afterwards, the delegation returned to the hotel. It wasn’t the end, however, for the United Republics’ group - they worked into the early hours of the morning preparing for the extremely important discussions that would take place tomorrow on the topic of the Banijan nuclear program.

Soracana Islands 0-1 Siovanija & Teusland, @ Uyuri City Stadium, Soracana Islands

Starting XI: Heuser; L. Dimitrov, Klopfer, Niedermayer, Lotbiniere (Helmke 60'); Bahr (Brotzmann 75'), Kramer, V. Dimitrov; Kokalj, Romanov, Reichwein (Ilev 89')
Goals: Ludwig Reichwein 49’
Man of the Match: Ivo Romanov
Report: It was a tricky night in the Soracana Islands, as the Goldhorns struggled to break down what was an excellent defensive performance for the home side, but in the end the national team came away with a fourth straight win, 1-0 the final. The Goldhorns put a great deal of pressure on the home side early, with Ivo Romanov in particular looking dangerous down the right side. The Soracanans, however, held well, and particularly the work of defensive midfielder Soragi Humajar should be praised, as he did a great job dealing with Thorsten Kramer and Viktor Dimitrov in that first half. The Goldhorns looked a little frustrated heading down the tunnel afterwards, feeling that they’d controlled the flow of play but hadn’t gotten anything to show for it. At the half, Gavin Hughes seemed to instruct the fullbacks, Lotbiniere and Dimitrov, to push further forward, and the Goldhorns would reap the rewards almost instantly. Lotbiniere rushed forward with the ball, which gave Ivo Romanov some extra space to get into an open position. Romanov received the pass and sent in a cross that met Ludwig Reichwein perfectly, giving the FC Teussen Stelburg forward his first goal of the campaign. That would be the only marker, however, for the Goldhorns. Soracana Islands would come close to an equalizer late, but Ewald Heuser tipped Agisa Janabander’s shot over the bar to preserve his clean sheet. A character win for the national team, as they really had to dig deep for this one, and it will be important as they face two challenging matches before the end of the first half of Qualifiers. First up will be the group’s number 1 seed Free Republics, who have the exact same record so far as the Goldhorns, that match to be played at the Nationalstadion. Then on the final day, the Goldhorns will travel to Ethane, the third seed of the group, with important points on the line.

[Mercedini]

85th World Cup Qualification Review So Far
@ Zoloroni Sports City Stadium - Zoloroni, Mercedini

Mercedini are currently 1-2-2 when playing at home, and have an unbeaten 4-1-0 record when playing away.

We are roaring through the match days thick and fast here at the Sports City Stadium, with Mercedini now in double digits in terms of matches played and opponents faced, and it's certainly been a rocky road. From stadium restrictions at home, to fan restrictions away, it certainly hasn't been a qualification campaign that beholds the passion and emotion that typically comes with a sporting occasion like this. Home form has been lacklustre, which has only added to the financial woes that the MFA will face in the coming weeks. Following their narrow 1-0 win in West Angola, the Golden Eagles sit in fifth place after ten games winning half of their matches, drawing three and losing two (against Banija and Valantine Z).

Pressure is undoubtedly growing on Cenian manager Elidyr Lyndainum, and with winning the Cup of Harmony and Independants' Cup with the Mercedinian National Team, fans are seeing their nation slip backwards by sporting standards, despite their fourth place finish at the Cup of Harmony last time round. Rumours are already beginning to circulate about his replacement, with several high profile managers for other national teams and domestic sides in the mix for the position. All that will likely distract from the action on the pitch, which has been magical at times, and woeful at times too. To keep his position, Lyndainium must guide his young team to a World Cup spot, or a least give them a sniff at qualification. Dini have two matches left in the first half of action, meaning they must close the gap to Hapilopper, who currently occupies that second place spot having played one more game. The group will likely result in a four-horse race for the one remaining qualification spot, with Banija already riding into the sunset following a perfect ten from ten thus far.

The MFA has already received open letters from fellow group members, urging caution and conservatism when it comes to the precautions set upon the national team. With the MFA set to release a second statement regarding the safety of visiting teams, plus the safety of host nations of Mercedinian away games. Several players have already spoken publicly about how these restrictions have effected their play style, hampering their progress as a team, however, the restrictions are likely to stay in place for the rest of qualification, plus any post-quals tournament that Mercedini are invited to.

Attention is already turning to post-qualification, as fans and pundits aim to look ahead of this current era of Mercedinian football. Remember, Mercedini have never missed a post-qualification tournament and hope to keep that trend going. The World Cup Finals and Cup of Harmony aid teams with vital KPB points which carry forward to the next edition of the tournament. Without Dini's fourth place finish in the Cup of Harmony last period, they would likely have fallen into Pot 3, facing much tougher opposition that their current group, and this group is solid.

With the situation in Mercedini improving day-by-day, Dimitry Larmée has been keen to open up Mercedini domestically and to the rest of the multiverse, but has warned sports fans that stadiums and mass gatherings will be the last thing to open. With officials and experts hoping to avoid jeopardising the progress made by the nation thus far, it is highly probable that the Sports City Stadium will remain closed to fans for the duration of qualification. Delegations to major events like away qualification matches, WorldVision and the World Hit Festival, will also be curated with as few members as possible. Mercedini has always seen itself as an outward looking nation, eager to showcase it's culture and build relationships far and wide. For now, that has been ceased with the Republic of Mercedini effectively going into a hiatus from the international community, but be assured, Mercedini's wings will spread wider than ever when she is allowed to fly free.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

PRESS CONFERENCE
AN IMPORTANT STATEMENT FROM SIR BARSANUPHIUS THE BOLD

Good Evening.

I am aware of the considerable scepticism surrounding my crusade to ban Cocoa-bo as an addictive and performance-enhancing substance.

Tonight I will offer you, if not proof, then certainly strong circumstantial evidence. It's my hope that outlining this evidence - some of which I've recently offered via other media - will help build momentum for an inquiry into Cocoa-bo; given the opposition to an immediate ban, I hope that Ordinary Reality nations will at least be able to agree to an inquiry. Likewise, if Vilita and Turori have nothing to hide, they cannot possibly object to an inquiry.

First of all, let me play you this disturbing tape from World Cup 80:

So Snuggles was super-excited when he found that a crate of delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo, along with extra coolers of extra-dense chocolate-topped drinks had been mysteriously delivered to the fluffy bunnies' dressing room.

Why, there was enough for three delectable drinks for each of the fluffy bunnies.

But oh no! What's this?

Snuggles drank all of the delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo!

He has had 48 serves of delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo!

No wonder Snuggles had a sugar high!

"I FEEL REALLY GOOD" said Snuggles.

"I'M HIGH ON LIFE" said Snuggles.

"I CAN HEAR THE COLOURS!" said Snuggles, as a dribble of brown chocolate-topped drink ran down his fluffy chin.

"Are you sure he should play?" asked Mr Di Bradini.

"Of course he should" said Mr Tzimisces. "What harm can he do?"

And you know what? Snuggles was so full of zip, zest, and zing, that he had scored a hattrick inside the first 20 minutes!

The cocoabos were completely unable to cope with the Cocoa-boed fluffy bunny on a rampant sugar high.

Now, it's true that Snuggles rather ran out of zip, zest, and zing at half time, and had to be replaced by Twix, but by then the damage was done, and the fluffy bunnies won the match 4-1!

"Hurrah!" cried all of the fluffy bunnies, as they had realised they had reached the semi-finals.

Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail would be so pleased!

But they were all rather sad that Mr Tzimisces had locked away any remaining supplies of delicious chocolate-topped Cocoa-bo.

World Cup 80 was, of course, the last time the Holy Empire reached the World Cup final. As you can see from this video, they only reached the semifinals when one of the players overdosed on Cocoa-bo, sending him into a drug-fuelled frenzy that allowed the Empire to defeat - ironically enough - Turori in the quarterfinals. This is, I believe, the first recorded incidence of Cocoa-bo's more dubious properties being clearly and unambiguously evidenced during a football match. We should all be relieved that Juan Tzimisces took the precaution of locking away the remaining supplies before even more damage could be done.



Next we move on to recent statements from Turori.

I am pleased to see that officials in the Island Emirate have denied reports in the Turnip that Cocoa-bo is made from the 'crushed up remnants of cocoabo bird feathers mixed with milk'; this will come as a relief to all concerned, not least to the cocoabo players on the Turori squad.

However, many will have joined me in being disturbed at the statement that 'Cocoa-bo does have a business relationship with the Inura Extracts company to provide select ingredients for a number of Cocoa-bo products, including its most popular signature line'.

This startling admission - which surely the relevant authorities would have preferred to keep secret - was followed by a statement from Inura Extracts itself noting that 'While Cocoa-bo has not publically claimed a direct relationship with the company, Inura Extracts have certainly not made any attempts to distance themselves from rumors that they are sourcing their extracts from the same sources the local beverage and delectable phenoms collect the raw material for their own product lines. It has also been rumored that Inura Extracts may be supplying product or sourcing raw goods from the same locations as the Vilisorma Beverage Company, makers of Vilaye Energy Drink'.

Given the claims that Cocoa-bo is both addictive and - under specific circumstances murky - clearly performance-enhancing, I think that the members of the World Cup Committee have a right to know who this mysterious 'Inura Extracts' might be, the precise nature of their business relationship with the manufacturers of Cocoa-bo, and why they actively boast that they 'have proven the ability to provide surge raw ingredients at competitive prices and on acceptable timelines'.



Next, let's move on the performance by the Cheergirls Squad in the present qualifying tournament. After Matchday 4, the Cheergirls were 0-1-3, and had just lost 5-1 to Mattijana. Prior to Matchday 5, the players' parents started doping the squad with Cocoa-bo, with the first doping event facilitated by Tara Milford's mother. The Cheergirls won the next match 1-0.

Under the pernicious influence of Cocoa-bo doping - and let me be absolutely clear that I believe the Cheergirls to be innocent victims here; it is the parents that are at fault - the girls went on to win their next four matches. At this point, players Daniella Catti and Meghan Banks seem to have developed concerns over the influence of Cocoa-bo, and decided to stop doping up on Cocoa-bo for their next three matches; they promptly accrued a 0-1-2 record in those post-Cocoa-bo matches, including a 5-1 loss to Ko-oren once they stopped using.

I shudder to think of the negative impact on their developing adolescent bodies had Miss Banks and Miss Catti not taken the mature and sensible decision to stop accepting their parents' doping efforts. Fortunately, they've also provided us with one of the few objective, neutral records of Cocoa-bo doping among participating World Cup nations. For the record, that was 0-2-5 in matches without Cocoa-bo doping, and 4-0-0 with Cocoa-bo doping. And that's in this World Cup alone.



Finally we move on to the question of Vilita's performances in World Cups. I am unaware of precisely when Cocoa-bo was introduced to Ordinary Reality, though it first came to the Holy Empire's attention in World Cup 79. Up until World Cup 78, Vilita were a moderately successful international side that had won just two World Cups - more than many nations, to be sure, but certainly not enough to rank the Jungle Cats among the Valanoras, Starblaydias, or Holy Empires of the footballing world. Between World Cups 77 and 82 - precisely when Cocoa-bo was coming to broader international attention, Vilita won three World Cups out of six, and continue to be one of the most consistently successful nations in the multiverse three World Cups later. Some will call this coincidence. Some will accuse me of being jealous of Vilita's recent success - the Holy Empire last won a World Cup in WC 69. So be it. But others will look at the totality of the evidence I am outlining tonight and agree that an enquiry is surely the appropriate next step.

Again, if they've done nothing wrong, then how can Vilita and Turori possibly object?

If other nations believe that Cocoa-bo is an innocent beverage, then what harm can an inquiry do?

And if nothing else, I think you'll agree that the circumstantial evidence of the destructive impact of Cocoa-bo on the World Cup continues to build.

A prominent Jeckland businessman has recently come forward to offer financial support for my efforts. I hope he will get in touch again so that we can discuss whether he would also be willing to finance an independent inquiry into the impact of Cocoa-bo.

Thank you for your time.

I look forward to reading objective reports on this evidence in tomorrow's newspapers.

[South Newlandia]

ELEPHANT VALLEY MAIL
Sports -> Soccer
South Newlandia fails to win in Coast Stadium again

The Coast Stadium of Elephant Town was the first South Newlandian ground to see their second match, as the game against Plane of Possibility was already played on matchday 5. This game ended with no scored goals, and most people thought that the Elephants could have done better. This time, the squad of Pangurstan would visit the stadium, and the game didn’t really go a lot better. In the worst South Newlandian game so far, they had to settle on a 1-1, which wasn’t enough to keep on track with the other top nations.

South Newlandia 1-1 Pangurstan

The Elephants’ problems started as early as minute 12, as Corban Green took a nasty hit. He had to leave the pitch immediately, and was brought to a nearby hospital as soon as possible. Early reports suggest he might have suffered a cruciate ligament tear, but there is no official statement yet. Donald Lancaster came into the match much earlier than he probably thought he would, and the Elephants were now mostly concerned with Green’s health. Corban Green had already suffered a hit to his ligaments back in the Baptism of Fire, and people were understandably afraid it might be even worse this time.

Pangurstan used the confusion to go ahead, scoring the 1-0. Mikhail Trischuk was caught on the wrong foot in the 15th minute, making things worse for South Newlandia.

South Newlandia was the stronger team throughout, but they failed to score the equalizer before half-time. Finnley Wallis came closest when his shot was directed barely above the goal by the goalkeeper in the 34th minute. Otherwise, Pangurstan’s defense did a good job of blocking the Elephants out, as they started effectively “parking the bus” early on.

At half-time, Coach Wolverine seemed out of ideas. He had already used one of his substitutions, but he had to use another one. He brought Abdurahman Bishop for Tommy Anderson, changing the formation into a 3-5-2 and playing both Wallis and Bishop for the first time together.

That did not work out, as the two just didn’t seem to work together at all. Despite constant pressure, it took South Newlandia until the 61st minute to finally get the equalizer. After a corner played short by Finnley Wallis, Patrick McMora got a flank in and Bjorn Cohen was able to score. As he was now hoping for all three points, Wolverine made another offensive substitution, exchanging Kevin Mohamed for Ricardo Rayner. The Elephants were now operating in a hyper-aggressive 3-4-3 formation with little regard to their defense.

Nevertheless, Pangurstan’s defense stood solid. The Elephants had constant pressure, but Brandon Irving missed the only good chance in the 75th minute, placing a good shot only a few centimetres beside the post.

In the 89th minute, South Newlandia finally got the ball in the net again. Abdurahman Bishop had made a great long pass for Brandon Irving, who went towards the goalie from Pangurstan all alone. He managed to outplay the goalkeeper and scored. Unfortunately, the Banijan linesman Bobby Camara had his flag raised; claiming Cohen was off-side. Naturally, chaos erupted from both the South Newlandian players and the bench, as they would not believe that one bit. Assistant Coach Michael White and Ricardo Rayner were first to complain to Camara and the main referee, but the decision stood. Videos of the play show that Cohen was indeed offside, even though just by a bit.

With that, the score remained 1-1. South Newlandia dropped two unnecessary points, and paly another draw at Coast Stadium. While this was at least an entertaining draw this time, losing Corban Green might be very bad for the Elephants.

Player Rankings

Mikhail Trischuk (GK, Captain) 6

Dhruv Roy (LB) 7

Manuel O’Neill (LCB) 7

Tommy Anderson (RCB) 6

Raphael Moreno (RB) 6

Kevin Mohamed (DM) 7

Corban Green (LM) –
We wish him all the best and a quick recovery.

Patrick McMora (RM) 8

Finnley Wallis (OM) 8

Brandon Irving (ST) 6
After two good games against Valanora and Bliuji, he seems to be back in his old ways now.

Bjorn Cohen (ST) 8

Donald Lancaster (LM) 6
He couldn’t spark the creativity as Corban Green can.

Abdurahman Bishop (OM) 7

Ricardo Rayner (ST) 5
He remained completely ineffective.

Starters against Mavinet

Despite the bad performance, Wolverine decided to play mostly the same players again, maybe for a lack of better options. Corban Green is the only player missing, and he will be replaced by Donald Lancaster. Simon McCabe will not return yet either.

Results from Matchday 11, Group 13

Tamgu (79) 3-1 Kuriko (330)
Tamgu continues their comeback with a win over Kuriko.

Pasarga (25) 6-0 The Kytler Peninsulae (UR)
Pasarga destroys The Kitler Peninsulae.

Eraman (63) 0-0 Juvencus (39)
Eraman and Juvencus draw their game, which doesn’t really help either team.

Ottoman Syldavia (338) 0-2 Bliuji (99)
Bliuji finally get another win at the expense of Ottoman Syldavia.

Plane of Possibility (148) 0-3 Valanora (15)
Valanora defeats the Planers handily.

South Newlandia (228) 1-1 Pangurstan (311)

Mavinet, the BoF-Champions, had their bye day.

Current standings

Group 13                              Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora                               11    7   2   2    21    9  +12    23
 2 Pasarga                                10    7   1   2    26   12  +14    22
 3 South Newlandia                        11    5   5   1    20   15   +5    20
 4 Eraman                                 10    5   3   2    17   12   +5    18
 5 Mavinet                                10    4   2   4    28   26   +2    14
   Tamgu                                  10    4   2   4    19   17   +2    14
 7 Juvencus                               10    3   3   4    26   26    0    12
 8 Plane of Possibility                   10    3   3   4    16   19   −3    12
 9 Bliuji                                 10    3   2   5    24   25   −1    11
10 Pangurstan                             10    3   2   5    19   22   −3    11
11 Ottoman Syldavia                       10    3   1   6    11   15   −4    10
12 The Kytler Peninsulae                  10    3   1   6    16   31  −15    10
13 Kuriko                                 10    2   1   7    12   26  −14     7

The next matchdays will be special, as two matchdays will happen right back-to-back according to the official scheduling. Because of this, most nations will play to games back-to-back, but as South Newlandia still has to catch up on their bye-day, they will play only one.

Schedule for Group 13, Matchday 12 and 13

Matchday 12

Bliuji (99) vs. Plane of Possibility (148)
Both teams desperately need a win here if they still want to get anything done.

Juvencus (39) vs. Ottoman Syldavia (338)
Juvencus should easily win this.

The Kytler Peninsulae (UR) vs. Eraman (63)
Eraman should be winning this game without big problems.

Kuriko (330) vs. Pasarga (25)
Pasarga has an easy game as well.

Pangurstan (311) vs. Tamgu (79)
Tamgu has an easy game too.

Mavinet (218) vs. South Newlandia (228)
This is where things get interesting. Both teams knew each other well, as they faced in the Quarterfinals of the Baptism of Fire. The score was 0-0 after 90 minutes and 1-1 after 120, and Mavinet overcame the Elephants 4-3 on penalties. Now, the Elephants hope for an appropriate rematch at Thang Long Stadium in Dai Hoa, Mavinet's capital.

Valanora, the current table-leaders, will also play only one game instead of two.

Matchday 13

Tamgu (79) vs. Mavinet (218)
This matchup is interesting. Both nations could use the win well here to stay in a good position.

Pasarga (25) vs. Pangurstan (311)
Pasarga actually has two easy matchups.

Eraman (63) vs. Kuriko (330)
Eraman has two easy games as well.

Ottoman Syldavia (338) vs. The Kitler Peninsulae (UR)
Both nations probably won’t be relevant at this point. Whoever loses this is definitely way down in the standings after that.

Plane of Possibility (148) vs. Juvencus (39)
Juvencus has two doable matches as well.

Valanora (15) vs. Bliuji (99)
Valanora should easily claim three points here.

Just as Valanora, South Newlandia will only play one game in the timeframe, as they catch up with their bye day.

[Torisakia]

Welcome to another edition of the Sports with Bort blog. I'm your host Bort Stevens. I apologize for my short and abrupt post the other day. I've had a lot of things to clear up since my release. Some of you have expressed concerns about my ability to continue to run this blog with everything going on. This blog is my pride and joy. I will continue to run it until I either physically can't or the feds take it away from me and never give it back, whichever comes first. Even with most of my time being spent cooperating with the TBI regarding Kiragate, I can always have my friend Boharry make the posts for me as I typically have them outlined in advance. Speaking of, people wondered if my friend Boharry and Rick the Dick got arrested as well for being my "accomplices". Turns out they did, but were released a short time later due to both of them being deemed "dangerously stupid". So in the end all of us are out of legal trouble. In other news, some of you asked about my dog Chuggles and his shenanigans while I was in prison. Yes he did eat my sofa, drink my emergency water, and order T$1000 worth of pay-per-view. If you're following me on Twitter @BortStevens you've probably already seen the pictures I posted of my sofa, my storage closet, and my cable bill. Some people apparently thought I was going to get rid of him after all that. Honestly I would but I couldn't trust anyone else with Chuggles because he has a very strict way to be taken care of. If you're off by even a fraction all hell breaks loose. Some also wondered where my cat Spleens was during all of this. She holed herself up on top of the fridge the entire time, only moving to eat the open chip bag in my pantry. Despite all of this, I was able to get my place cleaned up, got a new sofa, restocked my water supply, and set up a 4-digit PIN code on my cable account to keep out any unwanted access. We're slowly going back to normal around here at Bort HQ.

Hey we actually won yesterday. Even after I said the team had given up. Imagine that. They automatically start winning again once I get out of jail. Definitely no conspiracy going on there. In all seriousness, this was the most effort the team has shown in well over a week. The match against Balaslandia at Kirk & Hilton Heights started off slow like always. A few scoring opportunities for both ends but otherwise pretty uneventful. At the 22nd minute, Torisakia struck first on a free kick from 23 yard out by Gregory Franklyn to give Torisakia the 1-nil lead. It was Franklyn's second goal of the tournament which brings him up to 5 goals in total in his time with the national team. He's definitely improving as the years go on. The rest of the first half would be pretty boring as well, minus a few excellent saves by Mitch Issacson. It seemed like Balaslandia just couldn't get the ball past him no matter what they tried. Torisakia went into the half with their first lead in god knows how long. Fans couldn't keep their hopes up as this is Torisakia and we're known for shitting our beds. This was evident right out of the gate in the second half as Balaslandia scored within a minute to tie the game at 1-1. They just marched their way down the pitch playing keep-away and John Kirma managed to sneak the ball in past Issacson. Luckily for us, Balaslandia did nothing else the rest of the way. Torisakia reclaimed the lead in the 61st minute on a Syarhey Sweetcloud shot from 17 yards away that nearly knocked the Balaslandia keeper's head clean off. Afterwards Balaslandia would try to do something offensively but could barely get past mid-pitch. They were so desperate that they started to play dirty, sliding into our players trying to break their legs, calling them names, all that sort of thing. It was Torisakia who got the last laugh though as Zander Tugcama drew a yellow card for his actions. That'll show him. The Ice Birds sealed the deal in the 87th minute on a header goal by Faron James, and emerged victorious in Presidents City by a score of 3-1.

TORISAKIA 3-1 BALASLANDIA

Torisakia:
Franklyn 22'
Sweetcloud 61'
James 87'

Balaslandia:
Kirma 46'

Torisakia improves to 5-1-4 and still sits at 6th in Group 2, although they're only 10 points behind first place Kita-Hinode so if they can run the table this next leg then they might have a chance to move on. Group 2 is one of the tighter groups in qualifying, as we're a result away from having a tie for first and a tie for second. Torisakia plays Wreckeria next, who is 3-2-5 and not doing all that well. It's our final road game before the break so hopefully we'll end that on the right note. All four of Torisakia's losses have come against good teams so taking on one of the bottom-dwellers in the group shouldn't be too daunting of a task. I did hear that Jordan Kallian might sit out the next two games due to illness. Apparently the Chapplebee's he ate the other night betrayed him and now he has food poisoning. That's what he gets for eating there though. Frili's is way better. If he does sit, I would assume Tide Wallace would take his place and we would still keep the same formation as always. Also I got it wrong, Andy Sanders didn't go home. He bought a home in Brighton Corners on the beach. Lucky bastard.

That does it for today's edition. Join me next time as I unleash a pop quiz on your asses about the difference between VHF, UHF, and THF radio broadcasts. Well now it's not so much of a pop quiz anymore, is it? God dammit. I gotta go talk with my lawyer and the TBI again anyway. You all pass the pop quiz. IfIwasn'tunderrestrictionsbyGNDIswearIwouldtellthemathingortwoabout-.

[Vdara]

The Review (so far)

”Hello, and good morning, afternoon, evening and night to all of you around the world. I’m your host Panikos Zervopoulos, and I’m sitting here alongside Iosip Sideropoulos.”

“That you are, Pani. Now, Vdara are ten games into the qualifiers, and right now they’ve only had a measly three wins, drawing with Fujai and Ancherion while losing the other five Quite shit, if I do say so myself.”

“Anyhow, it’s time to look at every player’s performance and rate them, along with a review of every match so far. Join us tonight as we go through a list of every match and rate our performance in them!”

Matchday 1 - Lo Santano
”Quite possibly Vdara’s worst performance in the qualifiers so far, Vdara got off to a horrific start against a lowly Lo Santanoan side as the visitors took home a clean sheet and a 2-0 victory. Vdara managed to get quite a few shots, but Lo Santano prevailed with their only two shots on target going past Markos Moustakakos. My verdict is that Vdara’s performance was, at maximum, a 2/10. Now, onto the next one.”

---

Matchday 2 - Xanneria
”Although Vdara went on to lose this match due to a 90th minute penalty, Vdara showed a lot of promise. Lovely action from Karalas, Lazelis and Vlahiades helped Vdara come back from a 3-0 deficit to draw level by the 85th minute. However, a rubbish tackle from Valentinos Giannakos led to a penalty which was converted by Pete Saigon, who scored 4 goals in that match. Vdara’s performance has to be a 6/10, as this was a close scoreline which could’ve been a draw on Vdara’s day.”

---

Matchday 3 - Nooooooooooooooo
”Definitely not Vdara’s best performance, but a solid game overall. Nestoras Galanatos, who was a debutant that game, scored a fantastic goal from range against the opposition, with Lazelis scoring the other. However, Vdara did concede in this match, and they only won by a margin of two goals to one, so this performance only gets a 7/10.”

---

Matchday 4 - HUElavia
”This was a game of ups and mainly downs for Vdara. The first half was abysmal, with Vdara conceding six goals in the first half alone! However, Vdara later got their act together and scored 4 against the presumably fatigued HUElavians. Now, scoring four goals in one game is great, but conceding 6 is worse, so this performance only gets a 5/10 from me.”

---

Matchday 5 - Equestria
”Yet another match where Vdara held a better side to a single goal margin ahead of them, Equestria beat the Vdarans by only 3 goals to 2, but at one point the Vdarans were leading 2-1, which is fantastic for them. I’m going to have to say that this performance, although one of the best so far, is overshadowed by shoddy goalkeeping from Markos Moustakakos. 6/10.”

---

Matchday 6 - Blouman Empire
”Possibly Vdara’s best performance so far, the Vdarans showed their might by keeping a clean sheet against a veteran Blouman Empire side. Some great defending and some good goals helped Vdara to a 2-0 victory, so therefore this performance has to be an 8/10.

---

Matchday 7 - Fujai
”Although this performance still gained Vdara a point, it was still abysmal. Against the lowly Fujai, Vdara scored and conceded a singular goal, which is an embarrassment if I do say so myself. This performance only gets a 4/10 in my eyes.”

---

Matchday 8 - Jamestownnnn
”Another win in which Vdara didn’t really perform, a decent Vdaran side edged their way over low-ranked Jamestownnnn, leading them by only three goals to two. This performance definitely wasn’t one of their best, nor was it one of their worst, so this is going to be a solid 6/10.”

---

Matchday 9 - Ancherion
”Now, this game was awfully boring. Vdara was up against decently high-ranking Ancherion, who had done solidly in their past few games. However, both sides struggled to break each other down, leading to a 1-1 draw. 6/10.”

---

Matchday 10 - South Concepthuania
”Oh my, what a bad performance this turned out to be. Vdara were expected to win this match, and instead lost, badly. Conceding four goals against this rubbish team is unacceptable in our eyes, but wasn’t as bad as conceding 2 to Lo Santano without scoring any. However, this performance still only deserves a 2/10.”

“Well, now that you’ve seen our review of Vdara’s performance in every match so far, why don’t you stick around to see our review of every player’s performance? We’ll join you with that... after the break.”

[insert your typical adverts. laundry detergent, supermarkets with “LOW, LOW PRICES!” and car dealerships galore, plus the occasional health food advert.]

”Why hello there, and welcome back to The Review (so far)! Earlier, Panikos and I voiced our thoughts on each and every one of Vdara’s matchday performances and rated them out of 10. However, none of them got over 8/10. How about the players? How did they do? Find out right now, as we rate the performance of every player who has played so far!”

Markos Moustakakos - 10 appearances[b]
”Well, what can we say about Markos Moustakakos? Not much, really. Having conceded 24 goals in 10 games, he has a record of conceding 2.4 goals per game, which you can do easily with simple mathematics. However, he has made some good saves, and so he gets a 5/10.”

---

[b]Tryfon Vlahiades - 10 appearances
”Tryfon, Tryfon, Tryfon. A world class wing-back on his day, Tryfon Vlahiades has scored 3 goals in 10 games, which is pretty solid if I do say so myself. He’s also made some great tackles and is an all round great defender, so he gets a 7/10.”

---

Matheios Pardakis - 10 appearances
”Is Matheios the best performer in the team? Nope. Is he one of them? Still nope. At the age of 39, he captains the national team, but has been disappointing lately. Granted, he’s made some good tackles and leads by example, but he seems to have been almost non-existent lately, which is a shame. I can only really give him a 5/10.”

---

David Xeniadis - 10 appearances
”For a new starter, Xeniadis has made a great start. Having made quite a few memorable tackles, David has shown that he is a valuable asset to the team, and has been a shining star in what has been quite a bad defence. He gets a solid 6/10.”

---

Valentinos Giannakos - 8 appearances
”Has Valentinos had a good performance? Nope. Having given away a penalty against Xanneria and got a straight red card for it, we can’t rate him highly. 4/10.”

---

Manousos Athanas - 10 appearances
”Having scored twice in ten games, Athanas has been a decent wing-back so far. With running down the right side being his signature move so far, his defending has been alright as well, so he’s getting a 7/10.”

---

Vangelis Mavroglou - 10 appearances
”A decently solid midfielder, Vangelis has shown that he has been all-round okay during these qualifiers. However, we don’t really have much to say about him, so 6/10.”

---

Kimon Karalas - 10 appearances
”With multiple assists and a goal coming from Karalas, this midfield maestro has shown that he is an integral part of both the midfield and the squad as a whole, having made many passes during all 10 of his appearances. He’s fantastic, so he’s getting an 8/10.”

---

Anargyros Stamatelis - 10 appearances
”He’s solid, I’ll give him that. Has he made much of an impact? I don’t think so. 5/10 from me.”

---

Alexis Fotellis - 10 appearances
”Alexis Fotellis has not been at his best, having scored only one goal in his ten games. He can only really get a 4/10, in all honesty.”

---

Chirstoforos Lazelis - 10 appearances
”A stellar performer during these qualifiers, Lazelis has been absolutely fantastic, with 9 goals in 10 appearances! He might miss the occasional shot or two, but he has been wonderful, so it’s a 9/10 for him.”

---

Nestoras Galanatos - 2 appearances
”1 goal in two games is pretty good for any defender, but for a debutant, it’s really good. Having been used to fill in for the suspended Giannakos, he was decent, and he’s getting a 6/10.”

“Well, that’s all for tonight! Join us later for Vdara’s match against high-ranking Kandorith, only on Vai 1 and Vai Sports. Bye for now!”

[Balqia]

The room was illuminated by the monitor’s light only. The small photo of Matthew was in the upper-left corner, he was hugging a girl, both of them smiled to the camera, as if they expected very good news to be written in the blank space below. She tried to fulfill that wish, but every time a message was sent it disappeared instantly, the only one that was successfully received was ‘I love you <3’.
— Freaks.
She closed that window and opened the match’s video. As expected she couldn’t comment anything, just passively watch what she was supposed to do.
The match started with an unexpected advance by Caelapes forward, he was blocked by Engeliq just before a score was made, the balqese recovered the offensive, but utterly failed to score as Zay’s shot missed the goal by some meters. The match kept this pace until Torviq scored in the twentieth minute. Things went well until the rival team scored in the last minute of the second time.
She paused, forty five minutes and any attention could be paid to the video. They seemed like little puppets running from one side to another, the only thing she could think about was her son. Another window was opened, in seconds the chat was open and she typed ‘How are you?’. Success, he received it. She stood there, static, gazing at the screen, he was probably sleeping, but maybe, just maybe, he would pick up the phone and see the message.
And a answer did come. The window suddenly closed, returning to the video page. It was just a bug, right? She tried to open the chat again, but the site didn’t connected. Even the IP was unreachable. When she opened another navigator a pop up appears.
‘Back to work.’
She closed it and the window with the video was the only one in screen, everything else vanished. More clicks, every tab she opened went straight to the video. The cold sweat started to appear in her face, she felt observed, and probably was.
— Okay, okay, I am going back to work.
The video was stopped just before the end of the first half. It immediately returned to the match, no commentaries during the pause. The Caelapes advanced and scored another goal, Berka shouted from the bench. Some minutes later Zay managed to tie, but the match turned to a stalemate. The last minutes didn’t pass, at least the team managed to score the victory goal in the last minute of the match. It was finally over.
— It’s over!
She closed the window and went straight to the chat with her son. ‘Please, go to the embassy, I am being kept as a hostage!’, she sent it and it was received. She never felt so relieved, now it was a matter of time before being out of there. Or so she thought, the answer came immediately, it was a photo of her front door. It was late night, the photographer was inside a car.
‘They are already sleeping, you don’t want to wake them up, do you?’
She got up and closed the notebook. It was too much, she was leaving that place, and she was leaving now. With baggage packed she went to the door, to find it locked. The window? Locked too, and she didn’t managed to break it.
— Let me out! Let me out or I swear I will…
The room went bright again. It was the notebook, it was open and turned on. The heavy breathing made her sit on the bed, someone opened it, someone was in the room with her. But where? The room was too small, the beds too low, and even if the person was hiding, she would’ve noticed the movimentation, the room was too small to move without being perceived.
Something appeared in the screen. Mary moved to the chair, she had no other option. It was a video, a dark room with only a notebook providing light and a woman sitting before it. Wait… that was Mary! She turned around, but her sight went back to the screen, the camera should be in the corner somewhere.
Something caught her attention, a shadow was moving just behind her. It was a man, with a knife, he raised his hand and… she screamed and throw herself in the floor just before he caught her. Kicks were thrown randomly where he should be, but only hit the air. No one was there.
— Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Was she hallucinating? Maybe the stress was too much. Or maybe someone really was in the bedroom with her, maybe they were playing with her, making her fear them. Back to the computer she saw a clean workstation, the wallpaper was a family photo from when they went to the beach during Christmas.
— What do you want?
Tears went down her cheeks. A text editor popped in the screen, and a message followed right after.
‘Go back to work,’

[Omerica]

---

The Beet

---

A The Beet Editorial: Let’s add more days to the year so we can have all our qualifying games
Instead of letting World Cup qualification campaigns eat up the domestic calendar, we add brand new days to the year for our qualifying campaigns instead

Throw those old, useless calendars in the Incorrigibles’ away kit: our new and improved calendar is in town!

Canterlot, Equestria — It’s a new pastime to complain about how World Cup qualification campaigns are too long. The domestic calendars are being squeezed. Players cannot sustain this madness. Burnout.

And we’re not talking about what George Kostas is doing to Omerica’s qualifying dreams.

Speaking of Omerica… our adopted homeland has a fairly short club season at thirty games (and only four more matchdays than World Cup 85 qualifying), though this is compounded by two knockout cups—the Challenge Cup and the Federation Cup—that can add an extra twelve games to a top-flight calendar, plus the chaos of the IFCF on top of those 42 mad games. The growing international fixture list has yet to become a serious problem in these United Republics, but already, the football intelligentsia are moaning about.

Back when the league of our birthplace—Saltstead—was still chugging along in the public eye, clubs would play a huge 44 games! There was mercifully only one cup that no one cared about, but the Saltsteadish club season represented one of the longer campaigns in the multiverse. Rumour has it that the super-long qualifying campaigns are responsible for the distinct lack of salty steeds and Saltsteaders in recent World Cups.

There are a lot of ways to rebalance the calendar. Some people want qualifying playoffs so groups can be smaller, but playoffs are boring and Drawkians like to lose in them, so they’re out. Some federations are eliminating international breaks, so clubs just have to do without their best players for much of the season and what can I say but “yikes”? The United Republican Soccer Federation are floating an idea they’re calling “Incorrigibles FC”, where Omerican internationals would no longer play club football and need I explain why this is a bad idea? Some people have decided that the best way to go about this is to make seasons longer. A good start, we would say, but the most popular proposal is to make club seasons two calendar years long.

Rubbish, we say. One season must be one calendar year and vice versa. That’s why we’ve come up with a brand new solution to this problem: make the year longer!

Our idea is to add another 83 days to the calendar, giving us a year with 448 days. This has some nice advantages. Our weeks would still have seven days and there would still be four weeks in a month. We can adjust all the months to be 28 days long instead of the mess we have now and get a nice whole 16 months in the year. And since sixteen—like twelve—is divisible by four, we’d have four even seasons of four months each, with an extra month in each season. We can then use these extra days in our calendar to have all our qualification games, while leaving the original 365 for our domestic seasons.

“But,” you say, “We have 365 days in a year because all our different planets coincidentally orbit our stars in that same amount of time.”

Okay, we reply. We can fix that. All we have to do is move the planets further away from their stars, so that they orbit in 448 days instead of 365. Problem solved!

“But,” you say again, “wouldn’t we all freeze to death then?”

Okay, this Goldilocks zone nonsense. That’s why we also make all the stars bigger, so the Goldilocks zone is further away, so we can have our 400-day calendars and not freeze to death too. Any more questions?

“What if qualifying campaigns grow even longer and we have to add more days onto the year? How will societies adjust to the longer years? Will my pizza bagels take longer to cook?”

Shut up. We’ll solve all those problems later. Just trust us, this new calendar will work. With this new calendar, we can keep the growing and growing our international calendars more without having to put more pressure on our players or our clubs. And you, dear supporter, will get even more football to enjoy, so long as you ignore the fact that the length of time a planet takes to orbit its star doesn’t actually change your lifespan and that all time is merely a sapient construct that we name at whim. All you have to do is believe us.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make up some a few new month names. “Undecember” and “Duodecember” just aren’t cutting it for me. —TB

---

United Republican Soccer Federation
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Port Alexandre, MS 18-A40
UNITED REPUBLICS OF OMERICA

---

Southern Esportivan Union 1–1 Omerica
World Cup 85 qualifying group stage — Matchday Eleven
Portsmouth Arena, Portsmouth, Southern Esportivan Union
Goalscorers: Junior Wheeler 90’+3; Maïa Bustos 23’
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Jean-Robert Tosi; Alphonse Notley – Justin Thyme – Frédérique Marquetti – Lauren Kerry; Simone Bonfils – Soraya Archambault (captain) – Maxime Fournier; Maïa Bustos – Alexis Chrysanthos – Jamal Ahmad
Substitutions: Thyme > Charity Kayode (50’) – Ahmad > George Palmeiro (61’) – Kayode > Aristide de Felice (80’)

Omerica v Qasden
World Cup 85 qualifying group stage — Matchday Thirteen
Stade Municipal de Brétolles, Brétolles, Southavon
Omerica lineup (4–3–3): Drew Durant; Fernand Michelakakis – Noah Clement – Aristide de Felice – Felix Zanetti; John Soares – Georgeina Bennett – Red Bolton (captain); Jessie Beckett – Christina Falkirk – George Palmeiro

---

[Recuecn]

It certainly would've been nice to be able to blame Reçueçn's first loss of qualifiers on a sudden drop in form—an off day, maybe, or just team dysfunction (which was once more starting to rear its ugly head). But unfortunately for the reçuecian pundits and apologists, there was nothing on which to put the blame for allowing Brenecia to win. Reçueçn had played well; they simply weren't as good as Brenecia.

It had all looked good in the first half. Les licornes had kept the score even, and then, just before stoppage time, Hippolyte Lavigne took a horrific tackle as he cut into the box. Fortunately the left wing, who played in Xanneria's Omega Division and thus was used to much worse treatment than this, had the sense to go to ground. The ref didn't have to hesitate to give the penalty. Franky ran up to take the ball from Hippolyte, who had wanted to take it. As it turned out, Franky should've left well enough alone. Far too sure of himself, he tried to play mind games with Wright—and lost when she perfectly predicted his chip down the middle.

From there it was clear that the ENRF wouldn't have any better chances than that. They put up a brave fight and it looked for a few minutes at the beginning of the second half like they might get away with a draw despite being outplayed. But Matheson made it past Leclair with Kayserling uncharacteristically out of position for a shot Firaut had no chance of stopping, and from there it was over. Cheney's goal with fifteen minutes left mattered more to the Brenecians' own inter-squad rivalries than it did to the outcome of the match. Les licornes continued their fight and acquitted themselves with their honor intact in front of the home fans, but it was a far cry from the dominance they'd showed in earlier matches.

The coaches correctly identified the problem. Reçueçn just wasn't a top-tier competitor yet the way Brenecia was. They needed time to train, for their domestic programs to improve, for more infrastructure—all the things that would mean a slow but gradual rise to the top. But there was no way to tell the team "Look, you'll beat them in 86, or maybe 87. This is their moment." The team needed inspiration. This was the first loss, the end of the undefeated streak; the opportunity for striking fear into the boys' hearts couldn't be passed up.

Relié found the perfect scapegoat: Coca-Bo. Not that he believed any of the theories, despite their growing acceptance. No, his issue was with those who did believe: Franky.

Franky's escapades had drawn the ire of some of his teammates (and parts of the public), but the admiration of others. The team had been divided into two camps: Anti-Cocoa-Bo and—well, not pro-Cocoa-Bo, but at least anti-anti-Cocoa-Bo. Reçueçn had suffered at the hands of internal disagreement before, and it was back.

[Zwangzug]

Cutoff for Matchdays 12. And also 13.
Scores, followed immediately by scores for the following MD!

This concludes my scorination of the WCQs, thank you for your RPs, and we may cross paths with some of you later on!

[Kita-Hinode]

EDITORIAL
WD85 and why Hinodejin Football is still superior
Written by "Borga 13"
Let us not mince words: a truly national Hinodejin video game industry has officially died. It's a fact that we should have it be acknowledged if we are to move forward as a nation, society, civilization, race and form of life. Dream Games, actually a revived company, formerly an Esportivan outfit now sharing its' handlers between the Grearish Union and Rushmori country Electrum, has decided to step into the international market (and by proxy, the Hinodejin Empire) with a group of consistent but few titles, being led by two titles: Grand Theft Bloke and, to our shock, World Domination 85.

Now, the Hinodejin market has plenty of football options out there: Igaco's duo of series Hinodejin Football and Top 11 with their brand of realistic simulation, Hoshinoko's child-friendly Super Marco Strikers series featuring their (rather bland in my opinion) mascot Super Marco, Kusoga's Ultrasonic Soccer that presents itself as the equivalent of a mascot-fighter but in football, the previous Ultima-Igaco efforts (now solely in Ultima's pocket) known as the Street Kickers series that now also carries the Street League's branding, the arcade-heavy Master Leaguers from Hinama and a myriad of other smaller efforts that range (the noteworthy Radchester 2013 by Minami comes to mind) from manga adaptations to original content. And that's not to ignore series like Spark's Managerial World, Tayako's Libero Master (slightly copied from old Igaco title Libero Fever, now that I think of it) and the legendary football parody that is Chimp's Football a la Carte.

But let's get something straight: the best representation of football out there has to be our Hinodejin Football and there really isn't anything that compares, World Domination 85 might win out on the other dimension due to the licenses they have (which led to Hinodejin Football 43 to feature about twenty leagues of the IFCF with fake crests, team names and players) but the truth to the matter is that the best play comes from our title. That's not to say there's anything particularly wrong in some friendly competition if they wish. Companies like Hoshinoko (yuck), Kusoga, Hinama, Pachakon, Minami, Tayako, GAZE and our good old Igaco have kept the market alive for ages. If Nomi failed to take us down, like it tried to, it's not going to be some foreign show that will end us, heed my words.

So, yeah. Save your cash, put it to good use by supporting the local industry. Hinode as a whole will improve from this.

[Zwangzug]

"Hello, it is I, Stefan Gimbal, and with me to analyze Zwangzug's match against Bushkrub is the...is our...is Franziska Schnee-Krull, formerly of Eintracht Trink and the national team."

"Hello."

"What are the keys to this game?"

"Well, I think it's pretty simple; bear down on defense and don't get lackluster."

"Couldn't you say the same about the game against the Macabees?"

"Well, doing what's key doesn't always translate to a win, Stefan, the other side can play well too."

"I suppose. Who are the players to watch?"

"Lissa Crain is trying to make the most of her opportunity, I think she could do well. Given the uncertain state of the Mkabia league, we can look for Vizirani to challenge her onetime clubmate Sibal for playing time as well."

"And for the visiting side?"

"With all due respect, they haven't, uh, put up much of a showing since the Baptism of Fire, so it's hard to say."

"Well, fair enough. Let's send it down to the field..."

"...Kivrin dribbling expertly around Gofa Kurseff."

"Excuse me?"

"The twenty-five year old defender from Dabush SC?"

"Oh...right. Um, Kivrin in possession, sets up Blum, who takes it, but just over the bar."

"I think the attack has rushed things a little, they need to slow down and control their passes. Zwangzug are winning the struggle possession, now they just need to make it count."

"Well thank you for that analysis, Franziska, can you tell us anything about the bench options?"

"Zwangzug resting some of their typical starters but they have experience available. Sydney Stefred hasn't been as, um, distractable as in that first game against Squornshelous, I expect she could come on if needed to control a lead. Satenik Banach could also play, but Sonnabend resting her after the abdominal cramps reported in practice last week."

"Oof. What about the visitors, though? Patricia Peepee is a musician as well as a footballer, do you think she's risen to the level of some of the Twicetagrian side?"

"I...haven't the foggiest, Stefan."

"I see. Er, Kivrin again, passes to McCollins, and--yes, Jonah McCollins makes it one-nil! The hosts settling in here in Trink..."

"...great to see all these fans, they can be a bit...raucous at times, but the atmosphere in Trink always made it an exciting place to play."

"Do you think you'll ever return to playing professionally, Franziska?"

"I'm not sure what would give you that idea, Stefan, I'm retired."

"How about amateurly, then?"

"I suppose I might get together with some friends for a kickabout in the park, but that's not exactly national news."

"Well, why don't you fill us in on these players, then?"

"Ah, well, let's see. Angier's workmanlike, but he can put in a moment of magic when the occasion arises, I remember him from the bench in Trink, and he--"

"Yes, yes, we know he's great. Tell us about the visitors!"

"Look, Stefan, with all due respect, playing came naturally to me, but I don't have the skills to translate that into being a manager, and I certainly don't have the time and effort to keep up with the rosters of every BoF side that struggles in the qualifiers."

"What about their right-back, though?"

"Er...hasn't made much of an impact, admittedly, Blum and Twoni really in control down at that end!"

"Don't you think Vegan's proselytizing is having a negative impact on team morale?"

"Stefan, I would very much like to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but it's beginning to look like you're trying to trap me in saying something untoward."

"Ah...I would never...this is a big international match..."

"Is ideological posturing, whether for veganism or any other ideology, likely to create rifts in any given clubhouse? Absolutely. Is it stifling to free speech if one given individual insists on putting words in the mouth of others? I daresay it is. But is it any concern if yours or mine if such an individual subscribes to a worldview or uses a vocabulary outside the norm? Not really, seeing as we have freedom of speech ourselves. You know that."

"Well...yes..."

"Just because I have occasionally been slightly less leftist and relativistic than some in this or other countries' press might like, doesn't mean I'm not still an expert footballer with actual knowledge of the game, if you brought me here to catch me in a zinger you're wasting our viewers' time."

"Ha! You just said you were a footballer, but a minute ago you said you were retired--"

"Ah, get in! Yes! Angier makes it 2-0, and I've taken the liberty of cutting the unfortunate Stefan's mike in the celebrations. Now, for some further analysis of Sonnabend's tactics, let's compare this to his time in Bassabook, when..."