A The Beet Exclusive: The URSF announce plans to replace all Anglo-Omericans with Lusophone doppelgangers
Lusitanian-speaking copies will duly be substituted in for all English-speaking Omericans, effective for footballers with the upcoming Campeonato das Associações Independentes
A map leaked from the Federal Secretariat for Tourism, Sport and Culture detailing the transition schedule
Celebrating the founding of the Federação de Futebol Independente and its mission to fully de-Anglicise the Independent Associations, the URSF have announced their complete coöperation with this initiative by replacing all of Omerica’s Anglophone players with otherwise-identical Lusophone copies. The United Republican Soccer Federation has also transitioned to exclusively using Lusitanian in its documentation, including roster and matchday line-up releases, for the upcoming “Campeonato das Associações Independentes” in the predominately Lusophone nation of HUElavia.
“We can see the trends here,” Omerican Prime Minister Julie Thibault, noted non-Anglophone, told A Beterraba in an exclusive interview. “English is dead. Lusitanian is the future. We have to adapt to the times if we want to be able to compete.”
“We hope that by adopting a common language,” Thibault stated, “that we can create a cohesive and unified ‘Independent Associations’ that isn’t just based on envy of Rushmore, Esportiva and AOCAF. I see us being visionaries in this field, revolutionary even.”
The transition will continue after after the IAC, with the west coast republics of West Calaverde, Windstead, the Seafoam Islands and New Guernsey scheduled to be the first to undergo “Lusophonisation”. The second stage will move east to Mespalia, the Free State, Port-des-Saints and the anglophone regions of Avon before the final stage concludes with the de-Anglicisation of Great Arden, Heathmoor, Coleraine and the Emerald Isles.
Per leaked plans, republics with names deemed “too Anglic” will be rechristened; this reportedly applies to Coleraine, Heathmoor, Strathavon, Windstead and (possibly) New Guernsey. Contests will be held in these republics to come up with suitably Lusophone names. Authorities hope to complete this transition in time for the IAC’s landmark tenth edition, but the process is expected to take at least four years to complete, which would run up to the tournament’s eleventh edition.
According to the URSF, this programme will not affect Omerica’s Francophone population.
“The FFI have not announced any plans to replace the French language,” URSF President Casimir Paquet said in an exclusive interview with A Beterraba. “As far as we’re aware, they don’t even know it exists.” —TB
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Federação Republicana Unida de Futebol
6 Jacques la Rouge Road
Porto Alexandre, ME 18-A40
REPÚBLICAS UNIDAS DA OMERICA
[OME] Omerica 1–0 Sajnur [SAJ]
Fase de grupos do 9º Campeonato das Associações Independentes — Primeira jornada
Estadio Porto, Portimao, HUElavia
Marcadores: Christina Falkirk 22’; (nenhum)
Formação da Omerica (4–3–3): Jean-Robert Tosi; “Jet” Sneyders – Aristide de Felice – Charity Kayode – Fernand Michelakakis; John Soares – Jodi Bennett – Red Bolton (capitão); George Palmeiro – Christina Falkirk – Jessie Beckett
Substituições: Kayode > Noah Clement (60’), de Felice > Raphaël Martin (60’), Palmeiro > Adélaïde Argyris (70’)
[HUE] HUElavia v Omerica [OME]
Fase de grupos do 9º Campeonato das Associações Independentes — Segunda jornada
Estádio Costeiro, HUEsillia, HUElavia
Formação da Omerica (4–3–3): Valentine Augustin; “Jet” Sneyders – Aristide de Felice – Charity Kayode – Fernand Michelakakis; John Soares – Elise Bianchi – Red Bolton (capitão); George Palmeiro – Christina Falkirk – Jessie Beckett