World Cup 83 - Roleplay Thread

[Eastfield Lodge]

President's Park, Shirley, Commonwealth of Baker Park
Second half

The capacity crowd of 26 thousand were loving the spectacle so far. Well, not the 4 thousand travelling Eastfielder supporters - Eastfield Lodge were being dominated in this second half. Cries of foul rose from the crowd as Bozeman was muscled off the ball by Qwivotic, the firm challenge deemed perfectly fair in the eyes of the referee, but Qwivotic quickly gave the ball away as his wayward through ball trundled all the way out for a goal kick. On the bench, manager Jane Williamson wasn't even annoyed. This had been happening throughout the match, with every single one of her players being extremely wasteful. Despite being the vocal type of manager, she hadn't had the heart to get off the bench in the last half hour, with the visitors dictating play even if only scoring the one goal in the process.

The first half was a much more evenly poised contest. Both sides came out firing early doors, with Murray coming close for the visitors early on after beating the offside trap to meet Farrow's through ball, but she couldn't wrap her foot around the ball fully enough, skewing it wide of the far post. She wasted another half-chance minutes later, picking up a loose backpass from Briggs but only finding the legs of Gordon with the shot, the Baker Park goalie spreading herself well. At the other end, Bozeman was pulling the strings in attack, firstly stinging Couch's palms with a powerful shot from the edge of the box, and then setting up Sandoval with a deft chip, the striker only managing to find the side netting on the half-volley. The deadlock was broken by the hosts shortly after the half hour mark, with Bozeman again the orchestrator; a give-and-go with Sandoval saw him get past Holding on the turn before shooting across the face of goal - it came off the post, and ricocheted up perfectly onto Patton's head with the goal at her mercy. Some good fortune splitting the sides, but at least the Eastfielder bench weren't too worried - and their faith was rewarded just six minutes later, the Doctor scoring a superb free kick from 25 yards after he was charged off the ball by Haller. And the visitors nearly went into the break leading, as Jane was left with her head in her hands when Carr-Ponce broke free of his marker and could only manage to head the ball straight down the keeper's throat, goal at his mercy.

Jane wondered what went so wrong. The match was pretty even - one could even say they were on top. But something definitely changed, and the hosts had taken control of the second half, stifling the visitors in every area of the pitch. It was only the defensive effort of the team that prevented any further goals, with Couch pulling off a chain of remarkable saves to keep them out. The only thing splitting the sides in the scoreline was Bozeman, who somehow upped his level from the first half and was basically unplayable - Jane watched as time and time again he would ditch his marker, whoever it was, and pop up in space to receive the ball. He ended up being the difference in the scoreline currently, curling an effort beyond Couch's fingertips from the top of the D, but frankly, it could easily have been four or five one at this point.

Jane barked at Ilyess and Berretti to warm up, before getting off the bench and advancing to the edge of the pitch. Watching as Westmoreland sprayed a pass out wide to Haller, she noted Bozeman yet again drifting away from Qwivotic and into space. She frantically gestured at the Royal Jam player to get back onto him, but it was too late - Sandoval dropped deep to pick up the ball from Haller, dragging Holding out of position. He passed the ball back to Westmoreland, and off went Bozeman into the gap, Qwivotic attempting to keep up. Jane could only watch as Westmoreland's perfectly placed long ball fell into Bozeman's stride, the midfielder beating both Qwivotic and Couch to the ball, leaving those two to collide with each other and an empty net to roll the ball into. Jane turned and didn't even watch the goal, walking back to the bench and collapsing in a disgruntled heap as the stadium erupted around her. Only ten minutes to play, and not a solution in sight for the visitors. Jane sighed, got up and gave the two subs their instructions. This was supposed to be her dream job, but now she was in the role, and she began doubting whether it was a dream anymore - it had been a nightmarish few years since she took over from Shabeen, and she'd begun hearing the ever-louder calls for her resignation, or even worse, her head. She needed results, and if her fears were true, she'd only have ten games left to get them.

The race was on.

---

MD1: Eastfield Lodge 2-1 Libonesia
Line-up (4-1-2-3): Couch - Holding, Hargreaves, Maury (<> French 68'), Salam - Ilyess (<> Qwivotic 68') - The Doctor, Farrow (<> Lacroix 82') - Accardi, LaRosso, Safadao
Goals (Assists): Safadao (14' - LaRosso), Ilyess (58')

MD2: Baker Park 3-1 Eastfield Lodge
Line-up (4-1-2-3): Couch - Holding, Carr-Ponce, French, Salam (<> Gardner 70') - Qwivotic (<> Ilyess 81') - The Doctor, Farrow - Accardi, Cousin (<> Berretti 81'), Murray
Goals (Assists): The Doctor (38')

[Balqia]

-...And the angel spoke with a voice like a thunder “behold, for I am fury and thou shalt be afeared for the trespass thou committed shall not be forgiven” and so the knave…
Liene never thought that Adrianus Kalta was a religious man. In Balqia religion is taken very seriously, but the reporter always heard that people in high social classes were more secular, that wasn’t the case with Adrianus apparently. She spent the last two hours in a mass hearing the priest talk just to have a chance to talk to Kalta.
-... like our lives this mass has to end. For the glory of Hail and the Seven Prophets I declare this mass finished.
Finally the mass ended, everyone got up and started to move. After they leaved Liene took some time to remain silent, she isn’t a very suspicious person, but every hailist know that everyone must remain in silence after the mass. When the time of silence ended and everyone returned to their normal mood she started to act. Step one, identify the target. Kalta was leaving the mass, he was walking in the roads direction, probably to take a taxi. Step two, intercept. The reported passed the group of people like water passes through rocks, finally she stood besides the player. Step three, fire.
-Hello Mr Kalta. My name is Maria and I am a great fan of yours.
She got him. He wasn’t expecting this after a mass, most reporters just interview players when they are warned previously, and most people in Balqia have better thing to do than get autographs.
-Oh, h-hello. It’s nice to meet you Maria, how can I help you?
-I never thought that I’ll meet a football star like you. Your goal today was incredible.
He blushed. Without an excuse to dismiss her he will stay there for a while.
-Yes… everyone said we would draw against them. But I managed to score a goal in the last five minutes.
-I saw it. But why you all didn’t scored before?
-You know, Laq… our coach advised us to be more defensive, we must guarantee that our GD don’t get too low.
-Oh, I see, so you guys are playing focused on getting good scores.
-Y-yes, I mean, this is the objective of the sport…
Ok, she must get more offensive so the interesting things can be taken.
-But whit that defeat to Valanora that will be very, very difficult, don’t you think?
-Well, it’s part of the competition. Valanora could’ve been more gentle with us, that’s true. But if we manage to get some good scores with teams in lower ranks we can recover.
-Understood… So, are you confident?
-What?
-Are you confident that we will classify to the World Cup?
He took a quick look around, he was obviously nervous. She got lucky and no cab could be seen in the street.
-Actually… I don’t really think we will. I mean, we couldn’t in the last Cup, and he coach was far way better than it is now.
-But now you managed to win a game in the beginning of the Cup.
-That’s true, but it’s a new team that just arrived in the Cup, I don’t think we got a chance with the older teams.
-But we managed to win against Darmen in the last Cup.
-That was luck.
-Come on, they classified to the Cup and we managed to win. I think we have a fairly good chance of classify.
-Ok, look. I don’t know if you’ve seen the game, but Stravo isn’t in his best shape, the guy is being martyred by the coach, Matiq and Qalti are doing well, but without Rigo things aren’t the same. The guy was the best player in the Team, we have no chance unless our forwards improve lot.
That was surprising, everyone was used to be told that the team have high expectations and that victories where expected. She never thought that the players were so pessimistic.
-But we are better. You managed to score a goal, and you aren’t a forward.
Kalta sighed.
-Well, that was a mistake, really. I advanced way too much, Laqlo was having a heart attack and everyone asked me what I was thinking to advance to the goal area. I got too nervous to think and forget to pass the ball to Faj as I should’ve.
-Well yeah, but with some more mistakes like his we can classify.
He looked at her, his eyes had a curious emotion in them, nothing she could describe.
-Maybe…
And suddenly he opened a car’s door and entered in the vehicle. She never knew how that car got there, but what was intriguing her was that expression.
“Maybe he just thought I was kidding, or maybe I inspired him”. SHe wrote in her diary that day.

[Drawkland]

DRAWKLAND'S EVIL WORLD CUP
"Proof of Concept"

Much to chagrin of DISC staff everywhere, the "higher-ups" at DISC have decided to create a simulation of what would occur had Drawkland actually somehow won the World Cup 83 host vote. Obviously, we must present these results to the entire multiverse as a proof of concept, and thus we are here to present the EVIL WORLD CUP. Please remember that none of this is canon (unless, like .... you find a way that that would make sense), and that the bid will be followed to a T. I'm not lying. I'll prove it if necessary.

Qualifying MD2

Welcome one, welcome all to the (not) official MD2 of World Cup 83 qualifying! I am your host, Drawk Lexun, here to bring you the scores and some quick commentary on the first matchday of scores. Since this is the second matchday, neither the Casaran nations nor Group 7 (the bracket group) will be scorinated. Their next round of scorination will occur on MD3.

If you need a refresher course on what the hell is happening here, feel free to consult the Group Draw Post, or the bid itself which is linked in the post title. Now let's get underway!

THE GROUP NATIONS
Groups 1-6 are lucky enough to be scorinated today. How shall they fare in the most challenging conditions???????

Group 1
The Group With No Ties
Kavagrad 1–1 Nephara (2–1 AET)
Siovanija & Teusland 2–2 Omerica (2–3 AET)
Qasden 2–0 Schottia
Western Bjornaic 1–4 Quakmybush
Orion Islands 2–3 Aurevbush

   no ties allowed! america time!  Pld    W   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Aurevbush                         2    2   0     7    2   +5     6
   Omerica                           2    2   0     9    4   +5     6
 3 Qasden                            2    2   0     6    4   +2     6
 4 Kavagrad                          2    1   1     4    7   −3     3
 5 Quakmybush                        2    1   1     8    5   +3     3
 6 Nephara                           2    1   1     3    2   +1     3
 7 Schottia                          2    1   1     2    3   −1     3
 8 Orion Islands                     1    0   1     2    3   −1     0
 9 Siovanija & Teusland              2    0   2     3    5   −2     0
10 Bliuji                            1    0   1     0    2   −2     0
11 Western Bjornaic                  2    0   2     1    8   −7     0

Group 2
The Group With No Shutouts
Today's batch of matches required: 82 Rescorinations!
Ancherion 3–5 Eshan
Mercedini 4–1 Darkmania
Caras 1–3 Starcom Racing
Equestria 3–2 Asdia
Sajnur 2–1 Tinhampton

   score goals! be interesting!  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Eshan                           2    2   0   0     9    4   +5     6
 2 Mercedini                       2    1   1   0     7    4   +3     4
 3 Starcom Racing                  2    1   1   0     6    4   +2     4
 4 Sajnur                          1    1   0   0     2    1   +1     3
 5 Tinhampton                      2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 6 Equestria                       2    1   0   1     4    4    0     3
 7 Asdia                           2    1   0   1     7    4   +3     3
 8 Ancherion                       2    1   0   1     6    6    0     3
 9 Islas Aaland                    1    0   0   1     1    4   −3     0
10 Darkmania                       2    0   0   2     2    7   −5     0
11 Caras                           2    0   0   2     2    8   −6     0

Group 3
The Group Where A Team Gets Screwed Every Day
Today, the 0 team is Abanhfleft. The max team is Orestea.
San Carlos Islands 3–0 Far Wor Eryunce
Kita-Hinode 6–3 Mytanija
Vartugia 2–2 Turori
Abanhfleft 1–1 Anthor
Brusseldorf 1–1 Orestea

   MMAB hates this group  Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Abanhfleft               2    1   1   0     6    3   +3     4
 2 Anthor                   2    1   1   0     2    1   +1     4
 3 Turori                   2    1   1   0     6    5   +1     4
 4 Kita-Hinode              2    1   0   1     9    7   +2     3
 5 Mytanija                 2    1   0   1     8    6   +2     3
 6 San Carlos Islands       2    1   0   1     3    5   −2     3
 7 Far Wor Eryunce          2    1   0   1     2    3   −1     3
 8 Brusseldorf              1    0   1   0     1    1    0     1
 9 Orestea                  2    0   1   1     3    6   −3     1
10 Vartugia                 2    0   1   1     2    3   −1     1
11 Busoga Islands           1    0   0   1     0    2   −2     0

Group 4
The Group With Backwards Tiebreakers
Main Nation Ministry 3–5 Chromatika
Zwangzug 1–0 Tornado Queendom
Fevhader 4–2 The Szcerkina Federacy
Amuaplye 0–2 Audioslavia
Bengaliana 0–1 Sargossa

   srekaerbeit sdrawkcab   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Chromatika                2    2   0   0    11    5   +6     6
 2 Audioslavia               2    2   0   0     7    1   +6     6
 3 The Szcerkina Federacy    2    0   1   1     2    4   −2     1
 4 Balqia                    1    0   0   1     2    6   −4     0
 5 Sargossa                  2    2   0   0     2    0   +2     6
 6 Main Nation Ministry      2    1   0   1     4    5   −1     3
 7 Fevhader                  2    1   0   1     5    7   −2     3
 8 Zwangzug                  2    1   1   0     1    0   +1     4
 9 Bengaliana                1    0   0   1     0    1   −1     0
10 Amuaplye                  2    0   0   2     0    3   −3     0
11 Tornado Queendom          2    0   0   2     0    2   −2     0

Group 5
The Group With The Actual Rank Numbers
Qusmo 1–0 Brigantii
Free Republics 1–0 Osarius
Pratapgadh 4–2 Savojarna
HUElavia 0–4 West Phoenicia
Pius Desurongcrandis 1–0 Natanians & Nosts

   too top heavy!        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Pratapgadh              2    2   0   0     6    3   +3     6
 2 Savojarna               2    1   0   1     5    6   −1     3
 3 Free Republics          2    1   0   1     3    3    0     3
 4 Osarius                 2    1   0   1     6    4   +2     3
 5 Shatla                  1    1   0   0     4    1   +3     3
   West Phoenicia          2    1   0   1     5    2   +3     3
 7 Pius Desurongcrandis    1    1   0   0     1    0   +1     3
 8 Qusmo                   2    1   0   1     4    6   −2     3
 9 Natanians & Nosts       2    0   1   1     1    2   −1     1
10 HUElavia                2    0   1   1     1    5   −4     1
11 Brigantii               2    0   0   2     1    5   −4     0

Group 6
The Group That Plays Beach Soccer
Filindostan 4–5 Newmanistan
The Holy Empire 10–6 Xanneria
Dreamplanet 7–4 Valanora
Copper Cuprum 7–4 Lochario
Mareibat 6–9 Geektopia

   fanservice episode!   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Newmanistan             2    2   0   0    19    4  +15     6
 2 The Holy Empire         2    2   0   0    14    6   +8     6
 3 Geektopia               2    2   0   0    18   12   +6     6
 4 Dreamplanet             2    2   0   0    16   11   +5     6
 5 Copper Cuprum           2    1   0   1    13   13    0     3
   Xanneria                2    1   0   1    15   15    0     3
 7 Mareibat                1    0   0   1     6    9   −3     0
 8 Filindostan             2    0   0   2     9   14   −5     0
 9 Lochario                2    0   0   2    11   16   −5     0
10 Valanora                2    0   0   2     4   11   −7     0
11 Ariwana                 1    0   0   1     0   14  −14     0

Group 7
The Group That's Playing Triple Elimination
Today is an off day for you, but here's the bracket for the next round, just in case you need it again.

Sorry this is technically a day late, I misunderstood the real WC schedule. I'll try to remain in time with the actual WC for simplicity's sake from here on out. Also, you challenge word for the next day is "Pie Graph."

[Port Ember]

Port Ember Times

The Tridents prepares to face off against San José Guayabal

Pre Match Analysis & Interview

By Erica Davies - Port Ember Times Sports Section

Port Ember will face off against Competetive Solitaire in their second match of the World Cup Qualifier run this Friday, to be played in their opponent's home stadium.

Team Stats Analysis

San José Guayabal:

This team has played 2 matches so far as part of the World Cup Qualifier Run, in which they won both their matches against Far Wor Eryunce and Euran Oceania Territories in two very impressive matches. This team is currently unranked on the world rankings, but this must not be taken lightly, as they are an old footballing nation with decades of experience and history. They have competed in the world cup many times before they have taken a lomg hiatus from international football. Their new team brings with them their bags full of experience and history, hoping to make a comeback with a bang.

Port Ember:

This team has played 12 total international matches so far, of which they won 10 matches, drew 1 and lost 1 match. Their Qualifier Run is looking good so far, with one draw and one win against Chromatika and Competetive Solitaire respectively, both very strong teams. The Tridents is currently ranked as the 186th best team in the world.

From a pure statistics point of view, the next match will be a nail biting and interesting one. Port Ember might have that ranking number as a morale booster, yet their opponents are still unbeaten in this qualifier run, whereas Port Ember have drawn their first match. It will be a tough match for both sides, with Port Ember hoping to cash in on their homeground advantage.

Team Analysis - Port Ember

Offense: The technical offensive skills of the team is on suberb form. The chemistry between their starting striker duo and their midfield creates amazing attacking oppertunities. Also their signature 'Bait Ambush' tactic is still a highly effective tactic, proven to be effective at this level of football.

Midfield: Arguably the strongest component of this team, under command of the amazing Reddington. The midfield plays a perfect balance between organising the defence, and creating oppertunities for attack.

Defence: The backline has grew into a true iron wall of defence. They have howevered shown some cracks when put under constant pressure in their last matches, and will need some work leading up to the physical upcoming match.

Goalkeeping: Analysts have nothing but praise for Peter Smith the starting goalie. The young man is a legend in the making.

Substitutes: The team has a impressive line-up of substitutes, whom have received field time recently, adding possible depth to the team when needed. The extra attention they have received from the assistant coach is sure to play a important role as well.

Team Morale & Cohesion: The 4 year youth program is paying off dividends, as the team has excellent cohesion and on-the-field chemistry. The last match against Competetive Solitaire, where a team with decades of experience have placed immense pressure on them, and the team have still managed to grab a narrow 4-3 victory, is proof that they are a unified team.

Current Form:The team is on great form, winning their last match against an opponent of which the entire world believed would decimate them.

Typical Gameplan: Their typical system of tiring out and frustrating their opponents in an attempt to pull their 'Bait Ambush' is a risky play which can easily go wrong and concede a goal. However when it works, it is highly effective, and so far this is still effective on this level so far.

Starting Line-Ups

Port Ember

Goalkeeper (GK)(#1): Peter Smith.

Center Back (CB)(#2): Josh Richards.

Center Back (CB)(#3): Jason Lee.

Full Back (LB)(#4): Alex Kuhn.

Full Back (RB)(#5): Russel Pierce.

Attacking Midfield (AM)(#10): Raymond Reddington.

Defensive Midfield (DM)(#6): Steven Packard.

Wide Midfield (LM)(#8): Jason Chamberlain

Wide Midfield (RM)(#11): Steve Rogers.

Central Forward (CF)(#7): Leon Moult.

Central Forward (CF)(#9): Danny Nicovic.

Team Kit

The team have announced that they will play with their main kit in their upcoming match.

Pre Match Interview with Port Emberian Coach - Stuart Baxter

Erica Davies: Morning Coach. Congratulations on your previous win against a team who was predicted to decimate you! It surely is a great day for the fledgeling sport and is surely grabbing interest from the nation.

Stuart Baxter: Morning Erica, thank you! Indeed the team has worked very hard to get this far. The boys are turning into men, and the nation has good reason to be proud of them, and is learning not to count us out, no matter how bad the situation is looking like. The lads played their hearts out, and it paid off.

Erica Davies: Are you worried about the next game?

Stuart Baxter: Hell yes I am! Our oponents is a brilliant team who always plays their heart out on the field. They might be unranked, but they still have decades of experience and history on their side. They are also on great form, having won both their qualifier matches so far. I should also add that there are no easy matches on this level of the sport anymore. Each game is your toughest game.

The only thing I know for certain is, that whomever wil win tomorow, would have to play as if they want it. Like really want it. So whoever wins, will most probaly end up with a bloody nose in the process. A foresee a war on the field tomorow. We will be playing like its our last day alive.

Erica Davies: So for the next game, any changes in your gameplan, based on your opponents play?

Stuart Baxter: There is obviously a weakness or two which I have noticed from the other team, which we will hammer upon, but we will not change our overall play, besides fixing a mistake or two which we have noticed in our previous match.

Erica Davies: Good awnser! Lastly, prediction for the upcoming match?

Stuart Baxter: Simply put - its going to be all out war. You do not want to miss that game!

[Nephara]

Ethane 1 - 3 Nephara
(4-3-3) 12 - Mercator; 2 - Kielseng (18 - Sanger 86'), 5 - Thorn, 6 - Steelhenge, 3 - Close; 13 - Saroszi (7 - Fanaiyan 72'), 4 - Shone (15 - Rosenthal 67'), 21 - Moxham, 11 - Strongbow; 9 - Hawke (c), 10 - Metzger
Goals: Metzger 27', Strongbow 51', Moxham 59'

This was it.
Which was an ominous thing to have to think, the second game into one's managerial tenure. But it was true nonetheless. Strauss had come in and shaken things up, and had really, really wanted more time than this to embed the right ideas into the team before visiting the second seeds. Nevertheless, here they were. Shorn of her captain, too... though Estrella Hawke was easily captain material, herself. Less of Rowland's drive, but no less ambitious. She just hid it better. Which was to say, at all.
But Strauss trusted her players, trusted that they had absorbed what Strauss had told them. They were quick learners, all ambitious and driven to some extent - that's what made them Nepharim. And 4-4-fucking-2 was in their very bones.
A few clever commentators had remarked that Nephara tended to sail through qualification only to come unstuck at the main event; the time Nephara had won the main event, they'd stumbled through the playoffs first. Strauss had laughed politely at this suggestion of peaking too early, then dismissed it. Wins were wins. A win was always good; a defeat, always bad.
And tomorrow, defeat would mean she was running uphill.

"So don't lose." Hesterine Mercator tugged on her gloves. "Simple enough."
Roxelana Thorn managed a fragile smile. "That's my problem, Hess. I love playing the game, I'm just shit."
"Then get better. Practice. There's online chess ... things, I'm sure," ventured Estrella Hawke, gliding into her role as captain. "But this weird resentment of your sister... I mean, think about it this way, you're better at plenty of things than she is."
"Yeah, how the fuck can you even have an inferiority complex? You're raking in the cash, about to step out for a World Cup qualifier with your thirty-somethingth cap at the age of like nineteen-"
"Not helping, Ari," chided Circe Rosenthal. She, Hawke and Strongbow formed something of a clique within the team, three seasoned players all currently at Directus, all of whom got along well and were well-respected within the dressing room.
"So don't lose today, either," said Mercator. "I'm not planning to."
Studs clacked against benches, pads strapped onto shins. Metal clinked into little boxes as everyone reluctantly removed their piercings, talismans and luck charms. It all helped ground Daniella Strauss who, despite herself, was battling nerves, fidgeting with a coin she'd found in her jacket pocket. She'd never played for the Cormorants, never been a truly high-class striker, never managed one of the world's best teams. But all dressing rooms sounded the same, and that was a comfort.
The speech she gave them was direct. She ran through the plan again, reminded them of the dangerous winger, Ford, and the lethal striker, Cole. Her leftback, Close, was a reliable sort - he'd handle Ford and still have plenty of time to help provide width forward. She hoped. Defensively, Ethane weren't so strong. Applying pressure and pace to their back line had to form cracks. Again; she hoped.
But she never showed them her doubts, never looked anything less than supremely confident. If she couldn't believe in her own tactics, how could they?

90 minutes would decide how the public judged Strauss' more front-foot approach. Which, really, wasn't remotely fair. Anything can happen in a game, that was the beauty of the sport. How could a system be dismissed or exalted on the basis of a single match?
Still. Fairly or not, the judgement was good. Because here and now, the plan worked.
A brick wall of brute force marched out the tunnel, looking every inch the delinquents they were. Hawke, tall, proud, all-natural - the exception that proved the rule. Mercator and her eternal resting bitch face, spiky Kielseng and her extreme sidecut, clean-shaven Close and his intricate sleeve tattoos, Shone inked up still further. The centre-halves, Thorn and Steelhenge, not people you'd want to see down the end of a dark alleyway. Peroxide-blond Metzger and his too-easy smile, Strongbow's hair dyed a deep green. Saroszi's careful study in androgyny, Moxham's regrowth two months after a disastrous attempt at a fauxhawk. They were Team Evil; they knew it.
Metzger took a shot straight from kick-off.
Shepard caught it, of course, looking more confused than anything. But it was a symbol of intent. The mad lads were here to party.
And of course they'd offer steel to match their silk. A crunching challenge from Close showed Ford what he was up against, while the veteran West caught an elbow to the spine from Moxham. Strauss wanted full commitment to everything, and that went for off the ball perhaps more than on it. For all Brosque's image, his side had been content to sit off... ever, at all.
Both sides created chances early. Metzger sent a dangerous snap-shot just wide, before a lethal half-volley from Ford was beaten down by Mercator then cleared to safety by Thorn. Mercator was called into action again soon afterwards, a still-better save keeping Josh Montoya's free kick from finding the top corner, an iron-wristed flick over the bar. Moxham found space, then shot straight down Shepard's throat. End-to-end, but the Cormorants just seemed that bit quicker to every ball, that bit more determined for the lead, and it was uncharacteristic sloppiness from Ethane's leftback, the excellent Cai Woods, that saw him dwell overly on the ball, swarmed by Saroszi, turning back, stabbing a ball across halfway to Crawford, in practice to Estrella Hawke, who drew off the support then cut back for Metzger to slam home and celebrate, without too much inhibition, in front of the home active support.
He'd say something vaguely apologetic about it after the match, trying to contain his laughter.

The rest of the first half was fairly even; the second half would not be. Again an error, Montoya harried into a mistake, Shone clipping the ball from him and reminding everyone why it was worth keeping such a pain in the arse around, clipping a ball long over the top down the left, and Rowena Strongbow storming across Baker, shoulder-to-shoulder, overpowering him, then cutting inside, threading the needle between Waldron and the sidelines, then forcing a shot across Shepard.
Two minutes later, she swung in a cross, Hawke found it, powerfully... and Shepard sprawled across to claw it away, Metzger sliding in desperately to try and hook in the rebound but only managing to toe-poke it out for a goal-kick. No matter. There'd be other chances, as the Nepharim physicality took its toll; particularly on Kyle Ford, who was by now begging the referee for a yellow card on Close, a man who knew exactly how far to take things. He did get the booking, in the end, but Strauss was never afraid of a follow-up.
And it was Close who proved pivotal to Nephara's third, when Mercator rose to catch a cross from Roberts and quickly released him with a clever, well-weighted throw. Close sprang down the outside before playing in an unmarked Strongbow, threading a pass in the space between two defenders. Strongbow ran free before crossing, not exactly perfectly - she had too much pace, hurtling out of play - but with venom, nonetheless, evading everyone but Moxham as the lively playmaker leapt balletically to control the ball with her chest, found her feet as the ball bounced and dipped and dropped and put her right boot through it, ripping it beyond Shepard with pace.
Nephara eased off, the game's flow broke down a little with substitutions from both sides. It wasn't possible, or productive, to keep going like this, that would only create gaps to exploit. As it stood, Ethane did get the goal their chances probably merited, Kyle Ford finally dancing free and firing across goal for opposite flank Roberts to bury, and young Declan Smith tried to chip Mercator one-on-one but could only watch in despair as the rangy goalkeeper unfolded, plucked it out of the air and somersaulted, off-balance but with the agility to compensate. For the Cormorants' part, substitute Anita Sanger drilled a strike against the post in injury time, eager to make up for defensive failings last game.
By the end, though, 3-1 seemed about right. And a damn good result away from home against a strong second seed, one ranked 8th in the world just a cycle ago. The plan, then, was safe and sound. The players had bought in, and managed the result that would make it easy for future players to buy in, too. With wholesale changes planned for the next international break, there'd be time to test that against low-stakes opposition - Strauss had even asked for, and got, a friendly scheduled.
For now, though? A sarcastic soundbite for the press about a '100% record', a bottle of wine, and a plate of fresh seafood from the Brine.

NEPHARIM NATIONAL TEAM SELECTION - FORTNIGHT 2
Goalkeepers: 1 - Leila Ramelow (Vermillion Rage), 12 - Jason Petratos (RGS Athletic, EFL), 20 - Althea Taliadoros (Raven River)
Defenders: 2 - Valeri Longship (Crisisbless), 3 - Sander Katarec (Vermillion Rage), 5 - Alcander Visser (Starling), 6 - Gabrielle Reinhardt (Newrook City), 18 - Anita Sanger (Rammsissil, VIL), 19 - Nike Rouphos (Chenoworth Harriers), 22 - Ilyana Brosch (AFC Corvistone, c)
Midfielders: 4 - Catheline Marchant (OAS Royal FC, COS), 7 - Atalanta Skapetis (Coret Hawks), 8 - Malachi Chalk (Falourr, EUR), 11 - Marisha Staunton (Crisisbless), 13 - Marica Kuepper (Jungle Strike, VIL), 15 - Evangeline Aschenbach (Starling), 16 - Morena Deventer (Brinemouth), 21 - Mordecai Brandtner (Newrook City)
Forwards: 9 - Arista Tzorvas (Olympic Thessia, MYT), 10 - Konrad Lovelace (Starling), 14 - Erika Wolff (North Sabrefell), 17 - Kurtis Bastable (Hornchurch, EUR), 23 - Cheney Breremond (Vermillion Rage)

SCHEDULE
Nephara 5 - 3 Orion Islands @ Phoenix Rise (Corvistone)
Ethane 1 - 3 Nephara
[Bye] (Friendly: Ceyne Isles vs. Nephara)
Nephara vs. No @ Ludd's Hammer (Stahlburg)
Geisenfried vs. Nephara
Nephara vs. Kandonica @ Godswatch (Crisisbless)
Geektopia vs. Nephara
Orion Islands vs. Nephara
Nephara vs. Ethane @ Farham Arena (Sabrefell)
[Bye]
No vs. Nephara
Nephara vs. Geisenfried @ The Gauntlet (Treason)
Kandonica vs. Nephara
Nephara vs. Geektopia @ Eagle's Club (Brinemouth)

[Polkopia]

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 (Part 1) • Chapter 4 (Part 2) • Chapter 5 (Part 1) • Chapter 5 (Part 2) • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7

The following passages are taken directly from Polkopian author, Yakub Orvin's novel, Pelyučidnost', in which he describes the novel as a sort of a revitalization of the "golden age" of Polkopian literature dating back to the 18th century. By releasing the novel to the public, Orvin hopes to grow his international fanbase, as well as showcase the "hidden treasure" of Polkopian literature to the multiverse.

---

08. Fiora

It wasn’t a matter of Fiora’s inability to recognize herself, but more of her feeling an overwhelming revulsion which struck so immediately in the pit of her stomach at the slightest glimpse of this pampered stranger staring back at her from the ever-moving glass canvas before her which kept her from staring at herself in the mirror, of which she had been instructed several times to do, but such a sensation rendered her impossible to follow such simple commands.

Her face had been painted and powdered several times over and now was colored in such a brilliant hue of white where it’s a wonder that the great Polkopian poets willingly use the comparatively faded shades of linen and cloth in order to describe the ambiance of a vibrant snowy landscape, whereas the same maquillage present on her skin would result in an even more radiant picture painted of this fictional scenery in his reader’s head. To contrast her sickly pale skin, the stylists around her have plucked every rowdy strand of hair on her scalp and yanked the fibers atop her head into submission. One by one, the vultures around her had managed to pick off anything atop their scalp that they deemed out of place before leaving it bloody and irritable. The stylists had little care about the fact that she was to marry the prince and effectively become a princess of all Polkopian lands, but treated her with the same disregard and contempt as one would treat a mangy mutt who had plopped his flea-ridden body on somebody’s doorstep. One of the stylists in particular, a massive beast of a woman with an incredibly deep and raspy voice, grabbed her head and turned her head toward the mirror in front of her.

“My darling, I’ll need you to remain in this position unless otherwise instructed.” She said. Her voice was beginning to grow increasingly more commanding as she lost patience with Fiora’s stubbornness.

Her head was subsequently yanked back as the stylist grasped a dozen fibers of her heir along the side of her head and furiously tugged on them, before going through each and every one of them and ensuring that not one speck of dirt or anything unclean remained along the length of these follicles. When she was done inspecting each and every strand of hair, she began to braid them, intertwining each piece of hair within each other in the most intricate pattern imaginable, before wrapping the braid around the back of her head and tying the end around some more fibers of hair that were on the other side of her head, close to her ear.

“You come from Mur'kumska, is that correct my darling?” The stylist said, but didn’t wait for an answer and began walking away from her. She picked up something from one of the dressers and walked back to Fiora, holding a pin in her hand.

“Go on, take a look, girl!” The stylist handed Fiora the pin and she caressed it in her hands. The pin was shaped similar to that of an owl embellished in ornate gemstones which flashed silver and crimson in the light.

She recalled the stories her brother told her about Mur'kumska and those who lived in the city centuries ago. Like many of the native tribes who lived within the borders of what was now considered to be Polkopia, those in Mur'kumska adopted a “spirit animal” to which they would pray and beg for a good harvest and protection from outside enemies. While any trace of these people in Mur'kumska is hard to come by in present day, the legacy of the owl as the symbolic protector of the city lives in and has since become an icon for those living in the city and adjacent villages.
Fiora smiled and handed the pin back to the stylist. “It’s beautiful.”

The stylist allowed herself to smile for the first time since meeting Fiora, and fastened the pin to her hair, at the exact point where she had tied the braid to some of the other strands of her hair.

“Okay my darling, now that your hair is in order, I believe you’re ready to be dressed and then escorted downstairs.” The stylist exclaimed in what sounded more like a sigh of relief more than a proclamation.

Fiora stood up and was led to the center of the room, where the stylists’ predatory instincts resurfaced and they circled around her, eyeing her body up and down. Fiora, although draped in a simple sheet, had to restrain from covering herself with her hands, as the penetrating gazes around her made her feel more vulnerable than she would be if she were stark naked in a room full of hungry onlookers.

One of the stylists then proceeded to wrap some sort of material around her stomach that was some sort of fabric that could stretch to enormous lengths – something unlike Fiora had ever seen in her lifetime. The fabric was wrapped around her stomach several times over and forced her belly to shrink inward, causing immediate discomfort and Fiora found that she had to adjust her breathing in order to compensate. Afterward, three of the stylists carried a massive steel rack from across the room, which was shaped in an almost dysfunctional birdcage, however this heavy instrument was to be lowered onto Fiora and fitted around the waist so that Fiora’s dress would extend over this and give the illusion that Fiora boasted unnaturally large hips, a tradition that Madame Alyovna had warned her about before coming to the capital, but the Madame failed to mention just how heavy it was. All the previous lessons in perfecting her posture from Madame Alyovna were immediately forgotten when the cage was placed over her and she felt the steel limbs of the cage drag her body down. She could stand for a few moments without issues, but too long and her body reverted to what could only be described as an ungraceful slump.

Then came the dress. The dress was an incredible off-white color with golden trim around the sleeves, neckline, and waist. The bottom-half of the dress was characterized by a series of ruffles in the same color, but sprinkled with golden sparkles that reflected any light that shone on the material. She was instructed to wear similarly colored gloves that ran up to her biceps, and stockings that ran up to her thighs. A veil was then placed around the front of her face, obstructing her vision, and the stylists led her around the room so Fiora could practice walking about in such a fashion.

The moment had come where the princess was to make her debut in the public sphere, surrounded by judgmental, pompous strangers who would love nothing more than to gossip about the new figure in their society, and this first appearance would determine whether Fiora would be immediately accepted or rejected by this elitist class of people. She was incredibly nervous and for a while, had forgotten the purpose of this ball in the first place, as the thought of impressing everyone around her had clouded her judgement, but now, walking down the hallway and into the banquet hall, seemed to remind herself that there was only one person whose opinion of her mattered, and that was the man who her family had worked so hard to set her up with, the Prince Aleksis of Polkopia.

[Apox]

Previous Parts
Part 1, WC82, Part 2, WC82, Part 3, RUWC 27, Part 4, CE 24, Part 5, CE 24, Part 6, WCQs 83

The relationship between the government of Apox and the regime in Halholzer which had presided over almost total collapse of the country had deteriorated rapidly since Matthias Sindelar and the Green-ANP coalition had come to power. Jhon Cossack had essentially given up attempting to gain control over his rioting people, withdrawing forces loyal to him to the royal compound in Halholzer and essentially shutting himself off from the world. This wouldn't have been overly worrying for the population in Apox but for the spillover of instability and terror threats were having an effect on the stability of Apox itself.

This was compounded by the Free Party, which had pivoted into a much harder position under the fragmented and erratic leadership style of Artur Winklebottom, who had been fervently calling for Apoxian boots on the ground to clear up the mess which had been partly Apox created in Mareibat. They'd been gradually losing support, something Winklebottom fervently dismissed as polling errors, but nevertheless there was a feeling the tide was turning towards attempting to stop this slide into chaos.

Matthias himself had been reticent to even consider the prospect but his mind had been changed by two factors. The first was the recent bombing of a wind farm in rural Castle province, which while thankfully not resulting in any fatalities had caused a great deal of disruption to the region. Two major terrorist attacks and multiple other ones thwarted had finally led Matthias to decide that the only way to make this problem disappear would probably would be direct action on the part of the Apoxian military forces. The second factor was a phone call he'd received from the Mareibatian Democratic Party, one of the highly fractured groups in Mareibat now jostling for control. They seemed to him to be a more legitimate instution than, well, just about any in Mareibat, with other large rebel groups like Mareibat Freedom Militia and Bellight People's Army seeming like more destructive forces. What was most interesting though, was that they had specifically asked, and implored Matthias, to step in and take over control in Mareibat.

He knew what he had to do, and that was try to convince the heavily against direct action Daramie Jenkins and the ANP that this would be the best, and the right, course of action.

Apox 3-0 Juvencus Quintero 17', 80', Fox 35'
APX: Spitfire -- Fox, Scott, Gandhi, du Plessis -- Drawbridge -- Townsend (Demetrius 72'), Palmisano (Blinkman 67') -- Ephraim-Garza (Oakstone-Sandoval 37'), Blake-Tatum, Quintero
JVC: Bulgari -- Madeiros, Bassi, Ibarra -- Russo, Bret -- Zuñiga, Christian (Santini 63') -- Etxeberria (Laterza 59'), Silvestri, Martell

Apox return to actual qualifying for the World Cup for the first time in four years, and it is imperative they do well in this match against the second seeds in the group Juvencus. In this return to shorter qualifying group formats, any dropped points can have devastating effects on the chances of qualifying. Juvencus, a team the Apoxians have struggled against in the past, luckily weren't too difficult to overcome this time around, with Cassiopeia Quintero proving to be the key player on the day, proving incredibly difficult for the Juvencus defense to deal with and scoring twice, once straight from a free-kick and the second after being fed an excellent cross field through ball by Ayrton Fox, the other Apoxian scorer. There was a blow in the first half with Clarissa Ephraim-Garza having to come off with an ankle problem, being replaced by Miriam Oakstone-Sandoval, and likely being unable to play for the next match or two. This was a good start, and the team must hope that they are able to use this momentum to get into a good early position in the group.

[South Covello]

Carter Redwin Goes on Angry Twii Storm

Last night, in the wee hours of the morning, presidential candidate Carter Redwin went on an angry, hours long-rant on Twii.tur, complete with lies, misspellings, and all out stupidity. Here is the angry Twii storm, reproduced in full.

11:53 PM: PRESIDENTRESS AL-JABARI CALLS US TERRORISTS? NO, THAT ASSCLOWN IS A TERRORIST ALONG WITH EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T VOTE FOR ME! #MAKESOUTHCOVELLOGREATAGAIN #LOCKHIMUP

12:08 AM: Charge "President" al-Jabari with Treason! He is a Terrorist and a Traitor! I will do so! Vote for me or else!

12:31 AM: Bad idea - voting for al-Jabari. Good idea: Shooting al-Jabari

12:45 AM: And mosques too! #ShootThemUp

1:02 AM: TREASON FROM AL-JABARI! THATS WHY WE WINNING!

1:09 AM: I will Win! And then ALJABARI will Surrender his Will to Me! I am Great! All-Powerful, Even! Wow!

1:13 AM: I am the Greatest of All Time! All-Great Me Hail Me!

1:31 AM: President al-Jabari is a transgender gay Muslim terrorist! Like the anti-fascists, he must be Stopped Forever!

1:39 AM: I will Declare anti-fascism a Terrorist Ideology if elected! They're the real terrorists, the Ones Who Hate Me and All That Is Great! Lock them Up!

1:53 AM: I am not a Fascist! But if I was, Who Cares? The anti-Fascists are worse!

2:01 AM: AL-Jabari must #LockHimSelfUp for He is a #Terrorist and they all are!

2:12 AM: Of course, by al-Jabari, I mean the assclown who calls himself David Hale! The one who's brother Mohammed is the terrorist who burned down my HQ and Killed 791 people!

2:15 AM: Clsimsd there wa nobod insie are #FAKENEWS

2:18 AM: Speaking up which, any press who puts of #FAKENEWS about me will be locked up for life once I am Elected President!

2:30 AM: That includes al-Jabari and all its supporters!

2:33 AM: Yes, AL JABARI PREPARE TO MEET YOUR ETERNAL PUNSIHMENT!

2:36 AM: MAKE SOUTH COVELLO GREAT, WHITE, CHRISTIAN, STRAIGHT, AND ALL POWERFUL AGAIN THANKS TO ME!

2:39 AM: Yes, truly I am The Greatest One!

2:47 AM: Maria Polus is great too, so is Revan Bernat, but NOBODY is as Great as Me!

2:53 AM: Revan Bernat certainly knows how to control his people. He will #MakeEshanGreat Again as I #MakeSouthCovelloGreatAgain.

2:54 AM: Congrats to Revan The Great for knowing how to control his people! We should take a lesson from Him!

3:01 AM: GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD BYE AL JABARI FOREVER!

---

As some of the Twiis were seen as threatening, they were referred to the South Covello Bureau of Investigation. However, the SCBI said they would not be investigating a presidential candidate this close to the election, and the matter should be referred to the South Covello Election Commission. This, combined with a recent spate of violence by Redwin supporters (in addition to last week's mosque shooting, they have since targeted a synagogue, a gay bar, a black church, and a brunch for new immigrants, killing a combine 137 people) is a deeply disturbing trend. However, the SCEC claims their sole purview is violations of election law, which Redwin has not committed. With no national law enforcement agency willing to investigate, it seems like this disturbing trend will continue. Meanwhile, polls show Redwin slightly ahead of incumbent David Hale, with an average of 51% to 43%, with 6% undecided and 2% saying they would vote for one of the numerous random other candidates who have no chance of winning. With the election mere weeks away, time will tell what will happen and whether an incumbent will win or this nation will fall into chaos.

[Joshenia]

GOLIATH kITA-HINODE BROUGHT DOWN AGAIN
by Vundikani Magalasi


Sebastian Baum and Gabadinho embrace in celebration after Joshenia's winning goal

Kita-Hinode are one of the greats in NS World Cup history having won it twice, however in this iteration of the NS World Cup "The Poltergheists" giant status and chances of qualifying for the NS World Cup Finals are under threat after losing twice to inexperienced underdogs. The bad run for Kita-Hinode begun when Spensar ranked 312th beat the two time NS World Cup winners 2-3 at their own home ground. The embarrassment from the home loss and the Joshenian fans vigil outside the hotel Kita-Hinode had lodged lead them to lose once again to a lower ranked team. Joshenia who ranked 90th never expected to win against "The Poltergheists" and were predicted to lose. Joshenians hoped to only show Joshenias glory to the visitors.
Even though Joshenian fans were disrespectful by holding a vigil outside the hotel Kita-Hinode players were lodging, the hotel was a Crown accredited hotel with all the luxuries to make the players of "The Poltergheists" comfortable. On the day of the game Queen Lauren II Thalberg graced the occasion with her presence and in her speech she was quoted;" we are honoured to have one of the greatest teams in the multiverse play against us. We hope that The Poltergheists glory and good fortunes rub on our team." Greatness did indeed rub onto the Joshenian players and they dominated the play scoring 2 goals in the first 30 minutes from the penalty spot which Oradinho took putting the Golden eagles into the lead. Complacency caught the Joshenian side and in the last 10 minutes of the first half Kita-Hinode forward, Iori SAITOU who plays for Nephari club Brinemouth scored a brace to equalize. The second half saw a rejuvenated Kita-Hinode hunting for a first win as they put pressure on the Joshenian defence. "The Poltergheists" were lethal but were stopped from gaining a lead through the majestic saves from 21 year old goalkeeper Jörg Weisz. However in the 66th minute an own goal from Joshenian centre back Phillipp Baum gave "The Poltergheists" the lead. Phillip Baum's mistake greatly angered the Golden Eagle fans who begun calling for him to be substituted. He was finally substituted in the 78th minute for Stefan Sankt who a few minutes later equalized from a corner kick in fairy-tale fashion. For the Joshenians the game was over and they packed the bus as "The Poltergheists" continued to attack. The game seemed to be all done and dusted but a 87th minute mistake from Kita Hinode goal keeper, Iona MIZUKARA lead to a goal from Sebastian Baum to atone for his brothers earlier mistake and give the Golden Eagles the win. The whole of Joshenia seemed to shake as everyone celebrated Sebastian Baum's winning goal. As Joshenian celebrating a win against such a strong opponent, Kita-Hinodeans looked down in shame and frustration at having lost for a second match day.
After the match in post match interview Kita Hinode manager, Eleanor LINGARD was quoted; "the lose is really disappointing but I have seen this happen in previous world cups. I believe we have a strong squad and we will bounce back and qualify out of the group".
We reached out to the Joshenian manager for a comment on the win but we couldn't reach him as the whole Golden Eagles squad was invited for a party at the Golden Villa Palace.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

To: World Cup Committee President Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
From: The Holy Empire Football Association
RE: World Cup 83 hosts

Your Royal Highness,

Thank you for taking the time to reply personally to our recent query regarding WC83 hosting. His Imperial Majesty the Basileus of the Holy Empire greatly appreciates such courtesies on the part of mundies, and has asked us to convey his personal gratitude for your time and trouble.

If we read your missive correctly, you recommend that we continue to field a beach soccer team in the version of World Cup 83 hosted by Equestria and Banija, in order to minimise the type of misunderstanding caused by the New North Carolinian team's pitch expectations. Clearly they were expecting a sandier surface, and we shall take this into consideration when we next host a match.

Meanwhile, we shall continue to send our fourth-ranked normal XI to the 'evil' tournament hosted by Drawkland; though why Saltstead currently seem uninvolved with the latter escapes us.

Anyway, we're sure that this is what you were trying to tell us, that we can't possibly have understood your letter in any way, shape, or form; because we know you were actually talking in 'opposite language', whereby what you seem to be saying (or, in this case, writing) is the precise opposite of the message you were trying to convey.

I bet you knew that we'd realise you'd be writing to us in 'opposite language', because fortunately you left plenty of clues. We grant that they might have escaped the attention of mere mundies, but we entirely appreciate that you are a more elevated being as a result of your royal status, and that you have long since cast aside ordinary concerns of clear and unambiguous communication.

I believe that this is the point where mundies engaged in electronic communication leave one of these in order to show that they grasp your hidden meaning:

In any case, may we be so bold as to suggest that you have perhaps been slightly too subtle with your use of opposite language? When we turned up in Anollasia last night, the opposing team was fully clothed, and they insisted that we should play the match on grass - despite your intentions to the contrary. We won by a thumping great big margin regardless, of course, but the turn of events was the cause of some disappointment on our part.

You have also been kind enough to pass on the complaint from New North Carolina regarding the surface in the opening match. Clearly this is nothing more than a misunderstanding, and if you were to simply grant an interview to the appropriate media clarifying that you have been hitherto communicating in opposite language, and that it is your actual intent to have World Cup 83 take place as a beach soccer tournament (and might we add a personal 'bravo' for the originality of this format), while normal squads travel to Drawkland, I'm sure this can all be cleared up in an Ordinary Reality jiffy.

If there's anything we can do to help - perhaps by helping you to spread the message - please do not hesitate to let us know.

We remain, as ever, your most humble and obedient servants,

The Holy Empire Football Association


PS: Highest-scoring result in Holy Empire history in the Drawkland WC 83 tournament last night. The Holy Empire 10–6 Xanneria! When can we expect to start seeing some scores like that in your tournament?

[Dreamplanet]

Dreamplanet vs Ko-oren, Pre-Match Meeting

Having been labelled dark favourites to even win the group by many pundits worldwide, Dreamplanet are in risk of demolishing their entire momentum with a bad result against Ko-oren, many have claimed that Dreamplanet are overachieving, some claim that they are doing what they need to do to continue their natural progression, but if they don't beat Ko-oren and Eura, all of those aspirations might aswell be reserved for another chance.

Os Tricores had flown to Ko-oren, they would be under pressure from both sides, by the Ko-oren fans to crumble and let the home team celebrate, by the Dreamplanetian fans to continue their strike of good luck that has been going since the win against Apox at the start of the Campionato Esportiva 24 tournament, the team were well aware of the stakes, the media certainly wouldn't let them forget it. Manager Rodrigo Vaz held a team meeting a day before the crucial match against Ko-oren to iron out the details and motivate his squad.

Rodrigo Vaz: "Alright lads, you know what's up for stake tomorrow, it is no secret that Ko-oren play defensively and prefer to sneak a win instead of demolishing teams like we strive to do, we need to be careful and not fall for their ploys, we can't tire them out by sitting back like we did against other teams, but we don't want a 0-0 either, we want a win. I've decided that we're gonna focus more on counter-attacking, let them get out of position and then flank them, any suggestions?"

Luis Silva: "Well, this sounds really good to me but I'm not 100% sure, attacking is one of the few strengths we have, obviously if you insist that it's the best for us then we shall accept it, but I believe it's best to continue attacking, we nearly won against Eura but fate got Aaron Hungar, no offence."

Considering that he had been the one that doomed Os Tricores to defeat against Eura, an embarrassed Aaron Hungar felt that the time was right to redeem himself.
Aaron Hungar: "Eh, none taken. I need to redeem myself though, the public have lost their faith in me and I cannot let another defeat happen, fate is cruel but how you bounce back is important, I need to take on a bigger role next match, hopefully bag the winning goal and remind people that I'm the future of the national team."

After finishing his statement, Jorge Cardozo, in his typical brash and no-nonsense approach, saw something wrong with Aaron's statements and quickly voiced his suspicion.
Jorge Cardozo: "I see what you're doing here, you're trying to stage a coup here aren't you?"
Aaron Hungar: "What? No, no! I was just simply, uh, trying to show that I can rise above the pressure."
Jorge Cardozo: "You're far too young to say what you're saying, you should just–"

Rodrigo Vaz slammed his desk, the players instantly stopped their squabbling as they knew that their manager was still the authority, he didn't want to see his players argue at such a crucial time.
Rodrigo Vaz: "Calm down everyone, we do not need squabbling at this time, since you guys show that you don't know what to say, I'll tell you how you will play, you will focus on counter-attacking and doing it right, don't you dare miss a chance, ruse them out of position and then, for the love of all that is holy, score, score for goodness sake! Now get out of here, back onto the training field and sort things out privately if needs be, you're gonna be in nothing but the best shape tomorrow, I guarantee."

The players were truly stunned as they were dismissed, training was unusually quiet as players got an uncommon earful from their manager and the manager feared infighting, later in the day an anonymous source leaked the loss of temper, the Dreamplanetian FA have already denied it and now there's pressure on all fronts, even without a ball being kicked.

[Kelssek]

Welcome back, it’s 2:16 here on SportsRadio 860, Aarons in the Afternoon here with you and taking your calls, toll free nationwide and texts to 114860. Bit cloudy here on the slopes of North Burnaby, we’re at the forecast high of 29 degrees which will drop to a nice cool 14 overnight. Sun coming out tomorrow, high of 31, enjoy your long weekend whereever you are. Or maybe you took today off and are already listening to us at the cabin.

Anyway. Soccer for you now and Ashley Douglass has praised the New Sarian football program, even as she ruthlessly helped Kelssek prevail against the team of teenage girls by a scoreline of 3-1. Ashley Douglass now, speaking after the match.

“I would’ve loved to be part of a program like this. Seeing this team work together and perform at the international level, they’re way ahead of where I was at their age.”

Now Ashley Douglass plays on the right wing, also a good full-back, for CF Outineau. And she played in the university system, where they do separate men’s and women’s soccer. Fifth cap yesterday, excellent performance. I’m wondering what you think of this, cause the reality is that we aren’t as good as we like to think with giving opportunities equally for the genders in this country. Especially in sports like soccer where that kind of high-level team environment is what you need. We’re going to take some calls now. Line one we’ve got James calling us from Lonsdale. How are you doing James?

“Pretty well thanks.”

Your thoughts on Ashley Douglass and her performance? Do we need more of a women’s academies setup in soccer?

“Well she played good. Nice crosses into the box. What I want to know is how could we go up against a bunch of teenage girls and barely scrape a win.”

Scrape a win? Kelssek won 3-1, James.

“Yeah, only 3-1! This is a game that should’ve been dominated. I don’t know if they were going easy on them or something but this is international soccer and you gotta have some nationalism you know?”

Well playing against a bunch of teenage girls who are a lot better at soccer than you, I imagine. Were you ever chosen to represent a country at that age? Say what you like but that’s what they are doing and there are full senior teams who did much worse than them, in the World Cup qualifying yesterday.

“Well, why couldn’t we score more goals then?”

That’s like saying why can’t I be emperor of the moon? Is it your opinion that Kelssek didn’t play well enough yesterday?

“It’s not me saying that. Any kind of pie graph is gonna show Kelssek had the biggest slice of possession. So only 3-1? Against a team of teenage girls? What is this?”

Thanks for the call, James. We gotta move on here. Line two is Paul, and you’re calling us from Grand Falls, is that right?

“That’s right.”

There’s a big waterfall there, I heard.

“It’s pretty grand, yeah.”

Okay then. You sound like you heard that one before.

“Kinda.”

Paul, how do you think the national team did against those teenage girls then?

[Chromatika]

Recap of Matchday 1: Port Ember 3 - 3 Chromatika @ Waterstad International Stadium, Waterstad Borough, Port Ember Megalopolis, Republic of Port Ember (Cap. 94,736)
Goals: Andisori, B. '18, Montague '38, Thorben '53
Starting XI: Ria; Ruth - de Aea - Ibex - Ilya; Kelly - Armageddon - Montague - Dragana; Andisori, K. (C) - Andisori, B.
Substitutes: An -> Ruth ('48), Thorben -> Kelly ('61), Victoriane -> Andisori, K. ('82)
Recap: A strong start by the younger Andisori and the veteran Montague were upset by a trio of goals from Danny Nicovic as Port Ember held Chromatika to a 3-3 draw at the very first game of the Qualifying Cycle. Beuania Andisori opened the scoring in the eighteenth off of an excellent cross from Jazmin Dragana, and Alyss Montague scored an uncontested goal around the thirty-eighth. Though Molly Thorben was able to add to it, the team seemed deflated in the last twenty-five minutes.

---

Preview of Matchday 3: Chromatika vs. (69) Competitive Solitaire @ The Capitalizt Dome, Chromatik City, Chromatika (Cap. 144,000)
Starting XI: Nier; Ruth - de Aea - Ibex - Ilya; Thorben - Kuzami - Armageddon - Conrad; Andisori, K. (C) - Victoriane.
Preview: It is time for the return of football to The Capitalizt Dome. 144,000 people strong, all ready for Keira Andisori to score her hundredth goal, to see Jillian Nier again, to see Silian Parker pace the sidelines again. Keira Andisori will be doing everything possible to score her hundredth goal in front of the home crowd, while Xe's addition provides more speed to the starting XI, even if it removes Dragana, who had been the player of the match against Port Ember. With the Qualifying Cycle only being twelve games long, every point matters, even this early. Chromatika cannot afford many more points being left on the board.

---

Where Are They Now? Keira Andisori & Alyss Montague
by Jordan Lawless
Chromatik City Courier

Jordan's Recap

I watched the game away at Port Ember for the Chromatik team. For the first sixty minutes, they seemed on fire - the younger Andisori slotting things in, Montague showing her kicks, and Jazmin Dragana strutting her stuff with brilliant playmaking. Port Ember, to their credit, was never out of it, and that Danny Nicovic seems like a playmaker the world should keep an eye on in the future.

I'm not too worried, though. It's likely the Chromatiks will give Qusmo a run for their money but finish second, and have to rely on the Playoff Group Stage to qualify. Who is Qusmo, you ask? The Qusmi are the twenty-second ranked team in the world, and the top seeds in the group the Chromatiks find themselves in. A one-cycle absence has done some havoc, but it's not irrecoverable, and this team isn't the type to go down without a fight.

Where Are They Now? An Introduction

With the number of years that have gone by since we've last seen these players, let me catch you up on where they have been - their club teams, their club careers, their personal lives, and the like. A few of them were able to grant me interviews, while others declined, and I had to go off of newswires published in the countries that they are residing in.

Keira Andisori & Alyss Montague - The First Football Couple of Chromatika

What can be written about this power duo that hasn't been done already? Now twenty-nine, Keira Andisori - that of the one who was a major component of the Rainbow Revolution, the one who has declined offers to be both politician and footballer until she hangs up her cleats - doesn't have much left to prove. Starling of Nephara has been a perennial contender, with Andisori doing a fair share of the goalscoring. Paired with Lisa Amos, who's stayed at Starling the whole time after her stint managing the Chromatiks, they've beein in the top third of the standings year after year, being one of the major representatives of Chromatik football to the giant that is the Nepharim Premiership.

Not to be outdone, Alyss Montague, since joining Brinesmouth, has won her fair share of hardware as well, though she's recently taken a back seat as age has caught up to her. Winning multiple Premiership titles in the recent years, Montague, alongside her fellow countryman in Jazmin Dragana, has been the other power players up the top of the Nepharim Premiership.

When matchdays arrive twice a year and the two face each other, media outlets from both sides really try to pit them against each other. They seem to go into a bit of a truce to not answer any questions until after the match, and they are physical on the field in terms of tackling each other. You really wouldn't know that they were a couple during the season.

In the offseason, though, you can see them wandering the streets or visiting Felswyr, where Alyss has most of her family. You can see Keira providing lectures at Chromatik City College University and Chromatik State University, regarding politics, the Rainbow Revolution, and the like. You can see both of them working tirelessly in the lawsuit between the Checkers Party and the Chromatik Football Federation, as they've done the last two offseasons.

I was not able to catch either of them for an interview, though Keira and I remain close and do exchange correspondence back and forth. Both Keira and Alyss are rather saddened by the backwards step that has been evidenced by the lawsuit, and want to remind everyone that without love and hope, the country dies.

Next time, I will bring you an update on Gabriella Antonio, Cormak Lethbridge, and their twin daughters.

[Krytenia]

No Case For The Defence
By Rami Niblick in Zoloroni, Mercedini

IT may only be the third game of qualifying, but already the Dragons are face to face with a crunch game in their attempt to avoid a second successive visit to the Cup of Harmony. Alex Sampson, however, has a problem; the back four. It's fair to say that the defensive line for the men in sky blue and white are experiencing what could be described as "technical difficulties" with seven goals shipped in their opening two games.

If we're being honest, it's been a horror show. Gareth Brannan, never the fastest, appears to have slowed to the point where you'd bet on an inanimate object to beat hm to loose balls. Thomas Scott is too fond of wandering upfield and leaving a gaping hole on the flank, whilst Matthew Gray's ability to read the game has degenerated to the point where you wonder if he's now more perm than brain up there. Only Christopher Joel escapes the harshest criticism, but unfortunately he suffers from the unfortunate ailment of being surrounded by idiots.

At the other end, meanwhile, things are at least going well. Chris Naismith and Selly Kennedy are banging in the goals, and at least keeping the Dragons competitive. The problem is, though, that they can only bail out their back line so much - the defeat to Sinyal in Avidia being a case in point.

All eyes will be on Krytenia, then, when they face Mercedini tonight. The Golden Eagles are no strangers to this side, having beaten Krytenia twice in World Cup LXXXII qualifying, and there can be little room for defensive mishaps here. If there is, then either Sampson will need to look at replacing his defensive corps, or the higher-ups at KFA HQ will start to look at replacing him. Onward?

[Eraman]

_____THE PEOPLE'S NEWS_____
ERAMAN JOURNAL

| SPORTS | SUNDAY |

FOREIGN DIGNITARIES TO BE IN ATTENDANCE
DAULAPURA, ERAMAN - The Minister of Foreign Affairs from Hundredstar is expected to be in attendance at the
Daulapura Stadium for the match against The Szcerkina Federacy.

Dr. Bernardo Postell will arrive in Eraman on Tuesday and will be greeted by the Admiral of Eraman, Laksamana 
Selempeta Semarugah at the official residence of Eraman's Admiral, Istana Setia in Anara. 

The Eraman's Admiral Office said the visit is to discuss on the formation of an interregional organization.

The Hundredstar Minister of Foreign Affairs will have a tight schedule on his two days visit.

The Eraman's Admiral Office stated that Dr Bernardo Postell will travel to Daulapura after the meeting at 
Istana Setia for the 83rd World Cup Qualifying round between Eraman and The Szcerkina Federacy at Daulapura 
Stadium where he is expected to meet the Bendahara (Prime Minister) of Eraman, Tun Sengalang Petara who is 
also the President of Eraman Football Association.

The delegation from Hundredstar will include the Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ms. Maria Royalpools 
and Ministry of Foreign Affairs' Chief of Staff, Dr. Raymond Goldwedger.

[Saltstead]

---

The Royal House of Sport, Ashwell
3 August

---

“Christien Borghåuder”, the nameplate read. Underneath, the title “Eksecutivė Vicėpräsident”. I guess I’m in the right place.

As soon as Hal put their knuckles to the door, they could hear the man inside beckon them in.

“Good morning, Hal,” Christien began. “Take a seat,” he said, motioning to the chair in front of the desk.

“Nice chairs you have in here,” Hal answered, taking to the seat.

“Would you like a cup of coffee? I just brewed a pot and I can’t drink it all by myself.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Very well, then. Now,” Christien continued, praying he wouldn’t insult the guest in his office, “I hope you won’t be insulted by me asking, but why did you agree to be interviewed by The Beet?”

“I think it may help us,” Hal bluntly replied.

“And how do you propose it will do that?”

“Well first, I want to lure staff in Baker Park and Eastfield Lodge into a false sense of security. If the head coach of Saltstead doesn’t even know he’s being interviewed by a satirical news site, how will he coach the national team?”

“I don’t think they’ll buy it for a moment, Hal.”

“Well more importantly, it’s to put the minds of the nation at ease. I know my appointment has not been the most popular, especially with the events of AOCAF, but The Beet is a cultural institution.”

Christien nodded.

“Saltsteaders want and deserve someone who understands the culture of the nation and being in The Beet shows that the coach is taking the time to appreciate the culture.”

“So this is about them more than the opposition.”

“Maybe. I haven’t fully decided yet.”

“Unfortunately, there are people who will never accept you because you’re Qusma.”

“I’m aware of that, but I’m not concerned about them either.”

“Reasonable, I guess. I just want to warn you that you’re skating on thin ice with the press and there’s only so long we can hold them at bay.”

“I’d say it’s longer than you think.”

“I don’t know, but I hope you’re right.”

“Is there anything else we need to discuss this morning?” Hal queried, nervously looking at their watch.

“I don’t think so. All the arrangements are set for the Baker Park match,” Christien said as he stood up. “Good luck.”

Hal stood up in reply, with a hearty “thank you” and arm outstretched for a handshake. The pair would bid a brief farewell for the day, the door closing behind Hal as they departed for the match.

As he returned to his desk, Christien could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. Twii.tur recommends: #Hal. Christien bit.

The Beet sprak mid Tlanx-Nulzk #Hal. :Ο Incredible…
Un huvėdtrainer mid humor. Ik levės dat in un personė. xD #Hal
De Nationalė Elven is in gud handen. Grand respect, #Hal!

Holy shit. Sure there were a couple Twiis calling Hal an idiot, but goddamn, Christien had to admit he still had a thing or two to learn from this Qusmi mind.

[Schiavonia]

”You mean to say that…”

Isla couldn’t finish her sentence. The idea of this place she knew nothing about had become to much for her. Tears pouring like waterfalls. Viliaka offered her a tissue.

“The whole place, destroyed.”

“And the people?”

“Yes. According to reports from those who fled, the locals let their guests escape, but couldn’t…” his eyes began to well up, too, “...didn’t make it themselves.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Yes. It really was.”

“So how come you survived?”

“Well, I’m not fully Schiavone,” he explained, composing himsel. “To spread the gene pool of their tiny population, they use their incredibly friendly nature very effectively.”

“Oh, really,” she mused, less failing to read between the lines, more looking at an empty volume. “And how did they do that, then?

“You’re still only fifteen,” Viliaka retorted, “I’m not sure I’m the person who should be explaining… that to you.”

“That?”

“Don’t worry. Needless to say, I’ve lived in Vilita for most of my life. Most Schiavones somehow end up back on the island, but I never did. Only for football.”

“Ah. OK…” her brain whizzed as fast as it could onto the next question. “So you played football, then?”

“Yes. Clubs in Vilita, internationally for Schiavonia.”

It seemed to trigger something in Isla for a moment, but no longer than that. She moved on. “So how did you find out?”

Viliaka looked to be welling up again at the thought.

“Well, communication with the island was mixed at best. During my time in their football team, there was a period of six years where they just vanished from the scene. They were not always forthcoming at keeping up with the outside world.”

“But you said they were friendly with foreigners?”

“Well, initially, they used football as a way of travelling the multiverse. Then they discovered tourism, and the multiverse came to them. So they didn’t need to contact the outside.”

“But how did they attract the tourists?”

“Eventually, pretty badly. So they turned back to football.”

“Ah. Fair enough.”

“And that’s when I heard from them again. However, after their attempts at qualifying for World Cup 75, everything went quiet. I thought nothing of it for a while. But as stories crept out, I had to go and see for myself.”

His tears started again. “Are you OK?” Isla asked.

“It was the most harrowing thing I have ever seen,” he wept. “It was beautiful, but now it was destroyed. A civilisation blossoming, destroyed. All under solid rock. Where buildings once stood, nothing. It was all completely natural, yet it seemed so other-worldly and impossible... improbable…”

He was clearly distraught by it all, even after all these years. It was a quite shocking story. But there was one thing bugging Isla. Namely that a man she’d never met before had tracked her down to a relatively obscure corner of Krytenia to tell her all of this.

“I know this might sound quite selfish,” she began, tentatively, “especially when this is clearly a disturbing thing. But where do I fit into all of this?”

“Ah.” his expression perked up a little, as if he had remembered his purpose here, “So…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Randy Dalton’s quest to find the fabled family members of Margaret had brought him to New Cefn, Krytenia. The last anyone heard of this story, he was living in a damp hut in woodland near the city, then a caped figure lurked in the bushes.

Randy heard a slight rustle. His interest was piqued somewhat by the ever-so-slight disturbance of the undergrowth. He dropped his book, leaped to his feet, swung the door of his shack open and tentatively ventured out into the darkened wood. “Hello?” he inquisitively muttered in no direction in particular.

There was no reaction. Everything remained the same. Except… yes. There was quite clearly someone hiding in a thicket a small way along the clearing. The curve of a caped spine clearly emerging from the undergrowth.

“You do know I can see you there,” he shouted to them. The expected reaction was that they would either stay hidden or run away. But what actually happened was neither.

The caped figure rose up.

“Ah. Yes. Hello there.” The voice was very feminine, and sounded somehow tuneful.

“What are you doing in those bushes?”

“Well, I… um…”

“Are you spying on me?”

“No… well, yes… kind of… a little bit…”

“Is this to do with my work?”

“What work?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s top secret.”

“It can’t be that much of a secret if you just told me you’re working.”

“Well… I…”

“Actually, I’ve just seen you around these parts, and I liked the look of you, and I wondered what exactly you do in these forsaken forests.”

“Isn’t that a bit creepy?”

“You lurk in woodland all day, too.”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

Their gazes locked

“...I guess we’re…”

“...made for each other…”

She forced herself onto him, and he didn’t put up much of a resistance, truth be told.

“Actually,” Randy stuttered, “I was going to say that we’re not that dissimilar. But when you put it that way… what was your name again?”

“Carys. Carys Ifans.”

“Well, Carys. Maybe we should find out…”

And thus a little corner of Krytenia became a little bit Schiavone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Well, that was quite an entertaining day, wasn’t it Robin?”

They has not long left the qualifying draw for the World Cup 83 qualifiers, and even though Robin hadn’t uttered a word all day, this monologue felt every bit the conversation it wasn’t to Isla.

“I mean, I didn’t realise there were so many countries in the world. And I’m still not really sure what a multiverse is. But anyway, I knew about Krytenia, obviously, and Startblaydia, then there’s Autoslavia and Vitila, but now I’ve been to Banjoa, and there’s the other host Horseland, and then there was the lovely man from South Clovero who tried stealing our letters, but in the end we came to some kind of agreement that led to us having a goat in our team, too. Are you sure that’s OK with you, Gregory?”

Yes, a girl who travelled to Banija on her own was leaving with a horse and a goat, both set to play in the upcoming qualifiers. The aforementioned goat responded to her questioning by attempting to eat the piece of paper held in her hand.

“NO! Gregory! That’s not good! That’s the list of opponents we’ll be facing. We need that to navigate our way around.”

She unfurled the nibbled sheet of A4.

“So our first opponent is the nation of Bye. I’m not aware of them, but I presume they are just incredibly fond of people leaving. I say I’m not aware of them, I don’t know about you, but it would be fair to say I’m not aware of any of them.”

The animals continued their indifference.

“We then play Pasarga, which I’m led to believe is what happens when you walk by a posh ring stove. Then Cheetahs and Reptiles Coalition, which should be a good match for the humans and animals and foodstuffs coalition of our team. Then we have Abercontin-Jereaux, which I believe my mam has had to eat in a local high-end restaurant. Something to do with eggs, I think. Then Flardania, which I believed was a floral vitamin tonic; Zwangzug, which is the kind of noise a lump of falling metal clanking into a railing; and lastly Barunia, which I believe is a singles bar my dad’s been to back home. So that’ll be fun, won’t it?”

And off they marched into the sunset towards the airport, unaware of the real challenge awaiting them. Or if they’ll even try at all.

This could get brutal...

[Darmen]

Chapter VI: Ethnicity

For the purposes of the current census, the population of Darmen was asked to identify itself as belonging to one of eleven ethnicities. These eleven ethnicities were:

• Acquan
• Banijan
• Cotdelapomais
• Darmeni-Aboriginal
• Darmeni-Arab
• Darmeni-Asian
• Darmeni-Black
• Darmeni-Valladar
• Darmeni-White
• Tamarindian
• Valladar

It has become clear to the National Census Bureau that the limitation of responses to just eleven ethnicities was inadequate, and that in the future additional ethnicities must be added to increase accuracy.

Overall Breakdown

A Pie Chart.

Darmeni-White    7,196,983 83.94%
Darmeni-Arab       299,407  3.49%
Darmeni-Valladar   282,285  3.29%
Valladar           214,710  2.50%
Darmeni-Black      202,888  2.37%
Darmeni-Asian      107,875  1.26%
Cotdelapomais       82,863  0.97%
Acquan              62,022  0.72%
Tamarindian         51,681  0.60%
Banijan             36,916  0.43%
Darmeni-Aboriginal  36,031  0.42%

White Darmeni’s are by far the majority ethnicity in Darmen, representing 83.94% of the population. Arab Darmeni’s are the largest minority at 3.49% of the population, excepting that when the Darmeni-Valladar and Valladar populations are combined, they represent 5.79% of the population. Aboriginal Darmeni’s are the least numerous of the eleven ethnicities, representing just 0.42% of the total population.

Regional and Municipal Differences
The vast majority of Darmeni cities are homogeneous in their makeup, with all but ten of Darmen’s 72 municipalities being 89% White Darmeni and 11% Other. Of the remaining ten municipalities, they can be broken down into four groups: the Central Beltway, the Southeast and the municipalities of New Darmen and New Istria.

The Central Beltway consists of five municipalities: Kingsville, Leicester Square, Stanley, Super-Mare and Vogler City. These municipalities lie at the narrowest part of Darmen which separates the northern half of the nation from the southern half and lies just southeast of the capital, Scott City. Kingsville has an ethnic breakdown as follows: 73.09% White Darmeni, 19.26% Arab Darmeni and 7.65% Other. The other four municipalities have slightly larger White populations, 76%, slightly smaller Arab populations, 16%, and similar populations of others.

The Southeast consists of three municipalities: Chavarría, Kalenda and Rogerton. Of these three cities, no singular ethnicity can claim a majority, however, when combined, the Darmeni-Valladar and Valladar populations make up over half of the municipal populations.

Municipality Population White  Dar-Val  Valladar Other
Chavarría     45,128     7.21%  45.00%  43.00%   4.79%
Kalenda       42,789    36.95%  30.00%  25.00%   8.05%
Rogerton     381,178    23.93%  35.00%  33.00%   8.07%

The two remaining municipalities are home to large immigrant communities: New Darmen and New Istria.

New Darmen was formed through the amalgamation of three previous communities: New Cotdelapomais, New Ossidiacqua and New Tamarindia. It will therefore come as no surprise that the three major ethnicities in that municipality are: 39.50% Cotdelapomais, 29.50% Acquan, 24.75% Tamarindian and 6.25% Other.

New Istria was formed most recently, in 2042, as the home for a large group of Banijan refugees who fled their country following its war with the Equestrian States. It is the only municipality in Darmen where the entire population comes from the same ethnic group.

[Timuria]

Timuria Grab First Win in Shock and Awe Battle

by Tufan Nursultan

Kiryu-shi 3–4 Timuria
Kiryu-shi #8 (5, 15), Kiryu-shi #10 (43); Vatan Ercetin (32), Caner Turan (75), Atilla Acar (80), Ismail Burhan (90+2)

The national team earned their first victory of the qualification campaign, meaning after 2 games they sit in an unlikely 2nd place though most do not expect that to last. Despite an at times haphazard defensive effort, the national team can be happy to come back home with the 3 points in tow as there are no easy games at international level.

The national team's day began with a shock after a catastrophic error from Eyup Mustafa allowed the Kiryu-shi #8 to slot home past a helpless Saban Inekci. The national team was clearly shaken by this and seemed unable to retain possession for any significant period of time, once again a mistake, this time from Osman Hasanoglu allowed the host's to take a 2-0 lead in 15 minutes. The national team then struggled to reassert itself as an upset looked to be on the cards as their unranked opponents sought to open their international record with a win. In the 32nd minute prolific striker Vatan Ercetin found himself in space at the edge of the box and thundered a shot into the top-right corner giving the national team a lifeline.

The national team recovered some of its composure, the midfield rediscovered that it could in fact pass more than twice between each player before losing the ball. However, the lifeline was squandered right before half-time with the Kiryu-shi #10 taking advantage of a shaken Eyup Mustafa and scoring his team's third goal in the 43rd minute. A visibly furious Bekir Altingunes ushered his team into the changing room and he substituted both of his starting centre-backs.

The changes in defence brought some stability at the very least. Mistakes were cut down on as Yildiray Sabuktiginoglu and Tuna Rustemoglu took to the field, delivering a much more no-nonsense performance. The attacking players also built upon the goal scored by Vatan Ercetin, managing to put consistent, if fruitless pressure on the host's goal. With Ertan Renda and Tayyar Ozel routinely threatening the goal from range. With time beginning to wind down, the national team still found itself 2 goals down. The game's turning point would be delivered by Caner Turan whose deflected shot found the back of the net in the 75th minute.

Freshly invigorated and with Ismail Burhan now on the pitch as the team shifted to a 4-2-4, the Kiryu-shi box became target practise for the national team, with Atilla Acar bundling the equalising goal over the line from a goal line scramble. As the game looked to be heading to a draw, substitute Ismail Burhan who has been looking for a way to regain the trust of the management team grabbed the winner 2 minutes into injury time, sealing the national team's first win of the qualifiers.

Elsewhere in the group, Balqia edged out Lavize 1-0 away from home, while the national team's next opponent comfortably dispatched Kavagrad 3-1. An interesting fact for you all: every single team playing away from home won in this round of matches. These results leave the national team in a surprising 2nd place, though no one expects this to last so clip out/screenshot the table while you can!

What they said after the game:

Bekir Altingunes: "Obviously we're delighted to come out of here with the win. There are issues that come up, as they do whenever a plan meets reality. We'll consider this carefully and learn during our break. I'm keeping faith with the players who we believe in, but a performance like tonight's cannot happen again."

Atilla Acar: "Obviously I'm happy to just win, we made it very hard for ourselves. But on a personal level I am happy to score my first goal, hopefully the first of many, but I'd take many wins over many goals for myself."

Caner Turan: "I'm really flattered to win man of the match honours, on balance I suppose I did enough to earn it, but there were 4 players out there who could easily have won it."

Player Ratings:

1. Saban Inekci 6/10 - While he conceded 3, he wasn't at fault for any of them. He didn't make any mistakes himself and put an all together solid game.

2. Ozbek Sarikaya 6/10 - While the centre of defence was a shambles, Ozbek provided solidity on the flank

3. Eyup Mustafa 4/10 - While both centre-backs had a terrible game, Eyup looked utterly outclassed. Worrying if this is replicated.

4. Osman Hasanoglu 5/10 - He had a bad game, but at least he looked like he should be on the pitch, was rightly subbed off though.

5. Gokdeniz Dag 6/10 - Another silver lining in defence, he wasn't a catastrophe and helped stem the bleeding.

6. Atilla Acar 7/10 - The energetic midfielder got his first ever goal for the national team, long may he continue to perform this solidly.

7. Tayyar Ozel 7/10 - Had a very effective game, justifying his reputation as an excellent player.

8. Yusuf Ihsanoglu 7/10 - Provided great support as part of the midfield pivot. Bodes well if he builds on this.

9. Caner Turan 8/10 - Won man of the match honours and enhanced his excellent reputation.

10. Ertan Renda 7/10 - Another quietly good game for Ertan, who rarely disappoints.

11. Vatan Ercetin 7/10 - Grabbed an important goal that gave the national team a lifeline, it wasn't his fault they squandered it and made it hard for themselves.

Substitutes:

15. Tuna Rustemoglu 6/10 - Assisted in stemming the defensive bleeding very effectively.

20. Yildiray Sabuktiginoglu 6/10 - Provided some kind of stability and grit to the defence. A good appearance.

14. Ismail Burhan 7/10 - Got an important goal off the bench that won the game and earned him some much needed trust.

Man of the Match: Caner Turan - He's acclimated well to his starting role, having impressed in his previous opportunities he really shined today and is a credit to the decision making of the management team. A well earned Man of the Match award, though there were several worthy players.

Our editorial staff have managed to get points on the board, only one game after the national team managed to do so. That means that 2 of our lucky readers will be winning 10,000 Demirs. Just text the code at the top of this page to 1093 and you will receive a reply with instructions for you if you're a winner. Good luck!

Schedule and editor's predictions with the results so far:
MD1: vs Kavagrad, Manat School Sports Centre, L 0-2, Result: D 1-1
MD2: @ Kiryu-shi, W 1-0, Result: W 4-3
MD3: Bye
MD4: vs 95X, Tim-Enerji Park, L 0-3
MD5: @ Balqia D 2-2
MD6: vs Valanora, Hisar School Field of Excellence, L 1-4
MD7: @ Lavize D 1-1
MD8: @ Kavagrad L 1-3
MD9: vs Kiryu-shi, Maden-Is Stadium W 2-0
MD10: Bye
MD11: @ 95X L 0-4
MD12: vs Balqia, Manat School Sports Centre D 1-1
MD13: @ Valanora L 0-4
MD14: vs Lavize, Belediye Park W 1-0

Total points won: 2

The next match: Following a bye where the team will be able to reflect on its first two matches they will be out at Tim-Enerji Park to face early group leaders 95X in a game that few will expect them to get any kind of positive result from, especially with the troubles the team displayed defensively in this match. Rumours of a potential shake up in defence have been denied and the national team will likely line up with the same starting XI.

[Tinhampton]

OOC: Still utterly baffled? The Table of Contents for This Book Shouldn't Exist can be found HERE.

THIS BOOK SHOULDN'T EXIST
(C) Lydia Gould and Abdulrahman Haddad 2019
Part 1, Chapter 1 - The Historical Literature

III
Byrne's payments - although they were never transferred - had been meticulously planned out, if in a rather rushed fashion, not long afterwards. The numbers may have been completely wrong - although they were later corrected - and there was significant opposition even to the idea of paying King Bon Halal's ransom at cabinet meetings, but the Finance Minister plowed on regardless. Perhaps, in the wake of the firebombing of a Superb-branded petrol station that injured three people and significantly damaged the Tinhampton FA's headquarters, which was deliberately conducted out of concern about the contents of a gun-control ballot measure that was due to be voted on in March 2019, she was duty-bound to.
On Sunday the 16th of September, Andrew Gerard (one of the Tinhampton Student Unity's founding fathers, which called for then-Mayor Anderson to be impeached; as well as for Tinhampton University to stop charging tuition fees and take up explicit stances against racism, fascism, "colonisers" and fossil fuel funding) was arrested on suspicion of murdering Constable Phil Milliner and possessing a butterfly knife, for which he was later imprisoned for twenty-seven years. The following day, four protests swarmed Douglas Square, the home of the Baptismal Memorial and - for all intents and purposes - the heart of Tinhampton's city centre: a pro-Social Democratic List rally, an anti-Gladom Newion rally, the re-emergence of the neoconservatives, and the latest in a series of "midday strolls" by Action Against Austerity!, which housed among its number large swathes of the reformed Student Unity.
The protests then gradually meshed together for a few hours until the scores of protestors - numbered at around ten thousand now that the pro-war protestors had packed up early - decided to agree on a violent anti-government front. By the time the police were called in, almost 110 Tinhamptonians on both sides ended up in hospital as a result of injuries sustained in a brawl between them and the police, of which thirty-one died; upwards of 200, including the men who torched the Mayoral car, the number 56 bus and many of the stores on Fallon Street, did not sustain any wounds but were also arrested. On the 18th of September, the oldest branch of the Miners' Building Society and the bus intended to transport Octinstine's national team to Tin Park were also destroyed, the first incident of which was a bank run conducted so horridly that it only served to help inflate the dollar's price for a day or two.
These riots were not unprecedented: we did once bomb Police HQ in retaliation for an autistic boy's water pistol, after all, whilst any Tinhamptonian past her 20th birthday will almost certainly have some recollection of the mass protests that started over the old Social Democratic administration's attempts to wildly jack up income tax and business rates. This, however, was something completely different: anger over Gasworks Road exerting authority it barely had any right to - handing over billions of dollars to free its own citizens whilst at once assisting an angry dictator in the desert, offering an unconstitutional endorsement towards Viksberg's authoritarian and corrupt Change 2018 party.
At six o'clock on the Tuesday, Mayor John Price publicised his departure from office, ashamed of the seeping incompetence that was evident in attempting to deal with the mass panic that had enshrouded the city he called home. Less than an hour later, the Finance Minister - for a decade and a half that fiscal stalwart of the Tinhamptonian centre-right, attacked more often for her "sexual deviance" than her economic sensibility - had joined him, intending to stand down by October 5th, Tinhampton's Baptism Day and the eve of the third general strike in municipal history. By hook or by crook, the city would be thrust head-first into a new order that was "confusing yet blindingly shimmery at once" - and we would like it.
The carnage did not end there and then: no less than 132 people passed away in the four days of rioting that was later fuelled by a dismal 2-1 defeat at Cassadaigua which denied the Tinhamptonian national team a chance of playing at their first ever World Cup. This figure does not include the twenty victims of the truck-ramming attack, the six Student Unity protestors killed by a car that was carrying the Mayor emeritus, or the pair of gunned-down receptionists working in a coastal hotel in what remains the only example of incel-related terrorism in Tinhampton.

[Mercedini]

Troubles On Opening Night
Group G MD1 Review
@ Zoloroni Sports City Stadium - Zoloroni, Mercedini

FINAL SCORE

WCQ | MD1

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MERCEDINI 2
HUELAVIA 4

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Zoloroni, Mercedini
Attendance - 74,284

It was good while it lasted, but the Golden Eagles were dealt a massive uppercut in their own back yard by Huelavia as they lost by four goals to two as a second half meltdown gifted the visitors what could be an all-important three points against the group's top seeds come the end of the qualification cycle. It looked to be a formality as Chillotov bundled Dini into as 2-1 lead as the match entered first-half stoppage time, which cancelled out a Huelavia penalty which was converted for the equaliser just minutes before. The half-time team talks looked to have made a real difference for the visitors as they scored three unanswered goals in front of a packed Sports City Stadium to walk away from Zoloroni with all three points from the match, a major scalp for the nation who were expected to finish in mid table during the campaign. For Mercedini, they are left with a deficit that they will have to make before their BYE match on the final day of the first half, which will give every other team in the half a chance to either catch up with Dini at the top, or a chance to establish a larger gap between themselves and the group's top seed. Either way, it isn't the start that many would have expected from the three time World Cup Qualifiers, although the only thing to expect from qualification is to have your expectations destroyed.

Dini will head into their second match with a larger sense of urgency than one would be expecting at this early stage. They travel to Aurevbush without a point to their name and with a minus two goal difference which would place them towards the bottom of the table. The next highest-ranked nations of Krytenia and Schottia are all waiting in the wings to claim the one-and-only qualification spot from the group as Mercedini slip up. Which will make the coming matches all the more crucial as Dini try and claw back lost ground from their rivals and ensure they are on that flight to Banija and the Equestrian States this time around. An away trip to Aurevbush awaits the Golden Eagles in the next match day, while Krytenia follow them in what could be a six pointer for not just the two teams in action, but for the rest of the teams in the group as well. Chillotov and Dostalok both grabbed a goal a piece during that 4-2 loss at home, so they will have to take that form into their next match. Three points has almost become a necessity as this very early stage in proceedings. Around the grounds, no other team seems to have set the group alight just yet, meaning it hangs in the balance for all seven teams after the very first match. It's lining up to be a very exciting qualification campaign for everyone involved in Group G.

All that leaves us to do is thank you for watching this very quick review for the first match day of World Cup Qualification. For many coming out of the stadium, it certainly wasnt the start they wouldve wanted, although there is plenty of time to rectify what is hopefully a minor blip on their run towards the World Cup Finals. They have never made it past the World Cup Group Stages before, and that route seems to have been made a whole lot longer with that second half collapse. We hope you will be able to join us for coverage of the net match in Aurevbush, but until then... goodnight!

[Eura]

Slowly, with much trepidation, the new Monica Rowland took to the stage beside Michael Brandon and Tom Riley. Time to dance. Brandon took to the microphone. 'Good morning everyone, thanks. I want to say firstly how lovely it is to see you all back, we've missed you a lot.' Laughter rippled around the room at Brandon's self aware bit of sarcasm. Following Eura's surprise 4-2 defeat to Pasarga in the Copa Rushmori final, Brandon had reacted unusually badly to press questions after the game, a sign of his annoyance at making it all the way to a final in his first tournament in charge only to lose. He had admitted in private later that this was a bad call. Rowland thought he hadn't been aggressive enough. 'Of course Tom is with me but today we've also got Monica Rowland, who you will all know. I guess I should introduce her as the former captain of the Nephara national team. She's asked to say a few words.' Rowland took to the mic and prepared herself.

In the old days this moment would be marked by the clicking and clacking of hundreds of camera flash bulbs and a bundle of heavy microphones shoved in her face. One of the saving graces of modern technology was that smart phones were a lot less in your face. The pressure was off, at least when it came to environmental factors. On the inside however the externally tough Rowland was trembling like a leaf. She'd always been confident and communicated on the front foot, and although she had a tendency not to mince her words she could be diplomatic when needed. This was a more nuanced situation, one she did not like at all; a pre-prepared statement that had to be simultaneously saintly and in line with her character, or dissection by the press for perceived untrustworthy or uninspiring character would cut deep. The Nepharim media could be savage, sure. She knew from her upbringing though that the Euran sporting press were mercilessly cynical. Anything she said could be interpreted as fake if it wasn't delivered perfectly.

It took a few moments until Rowland realised she had frozen and had to start talking. 'I'd...' Shit. Shit shit shit. 'I'd like to thank everyone at the EFA for setting this up today. And Michael and Tom. Obviously.' The vultures looked unimpressed. Soon they would begin to circle. Under pressure, she decided to let her natural self take control. Fuck the script. 'Listen, I'm here because I want to play for my country. My country is Eura. I was born here, my mum's Euran, my town's Euran, and this place has always felt like home. I've no ill feelings towards Nephara, the guys on the squad are great and I wish them all the best...' Except Shone and her cronies. Goons the lot of them. She hesitated briefly to shut down her internal monologue before she accidentally said something she'd regret out loud. '...and I was proud to be their captain. I was proud to lead Aidan's team, and I wish him all the best for what he does next. But that was then, and this is now. I represented Nephara because I do value my family's homeland, I do, and that will always be part of me. I'm a Euran though when it comes down to it. If it wasn't for people's attitudes towards bloody chromosones I'd have been here a lot earlier. What I'm trying to say is I'm making myself available to play for the Euran national team.'

Rowland's last comment drew a smattering of laughs and suddenly she felt able to relax. It had been like ripping off a band aid. Her words had not been poetry but the necessary point had been communicated - she could worry later about any consequences from going off script. In truth though she didn't have anything to worry about. Eura's media was not baying for blood in her case, not yet anyway, which meant the relatable deviation from PR-speak was deemed to be better interpreted as "good strong Euran honesty" rather than "unbecoming Nepharim foulness". This was what mattered when it came to ensuring a positive reception among editors that would tell hundreds of millions of Eurans what to think of her. It also helped that she was a familiar face, having been a core player at Bastion for years, and repeatedly being the subject of "what if?" articles about whether or not Euran football should become co-ed. If this wasn't the case she had no doubt there would be the same old gender related interrogations of her physical strength, competence and mental fortitude that she'd quickly blown away after joining Bastion. And then there was her accent. Sure, she had that Vermillion twang thing going on and the cadence of her grumbling father, but there was enough Holdenberg steel in her voice to warm any Euran's heart.

Then came the questions. Some were new and novel. 'How is it going to feel to pull on the red and gold or blue and gold for the first time?' She smiled warmly, doing her best for the front pages as insisted upon by the EFA, drawing aggressive tapping of cameraphone triggers and photographers hulking digital cameras. Her answer was a bit more in-keeping with her personality. 'It'll be pretty good.' Some of the questions were pretty predictable. 'Monica, how do you think some of the lads will feel about you walking in to take their place from another team? Do you deserve it or are all of our boys going to be replaced by Nepharim?'
'Well without trying to sound too ENP...' This was a reference to a Euran far right party. '...I think I'm probably more Euran than some of them are.' A risky comment that made the EFA chair standing nearby squirm slightly. Fortunately the way she said it made it obvious that she was joking. 'No, really though, I can't help where I came from. All I can do is focus on where I'm going next, and that's into World Cup qualifying with Eura. We've got a great team and I'm not expecting to play right away or anything, I'll have to fight for my place just like anyone else.'

Unfortunately some questions were not new nor simply to be expected. One was inevitable. 'We all know you've always wanted to play for Eura. Is that the only reason you've switched allegiances? We've all heard the rumours.' Before the press conference she'd been urged by the EFA's "communications handlers" - she'd describe them as a squad of paranoid sociopaths instead - to avoid saying anything combative at all costs, and to steer well clear of admitting that her relationship with the Nephara team had been anything other than sunshine and butterflies. 'Look, I'm not sure how relevant that is now. Its in the past.' Her first mistake. They were not going to let this lie and a flurry of questions followed, thick and fast. 'Come on Monica we're not blind to what everyone else can see! What was it like?'
'Have you and Tawny Shone spoken since you knocked her out? Any reason she didn't press charges?'
'Who lost the dressing room first, you or Brosque?'
'What did Rowena Strongbow think?'
'You're not going to hit Rhys Griffiths too are you? He's only a little lad.' The last question made her smirk but the other three were pushing buttons. Brandon moved to intercept, until she gently nudged his arm under the desk. She could handle it. 'I think we went through a difficult time as a team and that led to disagreements, to some arguments, yeah. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. But its no secret that Nepharim teams like a scrap. Its not personal and I don't begrudge anyone for anything they said or did. Let's talk about Eura though. I care about our strengths, not Nephara's weaknesses.' What a seamless transition it was. A fidgeting Brandon tapped his feet, quietly jubilant.

Not long afterwards, Rowland was in the national team's allocated VIP seating watching Eura take on Dreamplanet. She'd avoided attending Eura's pre-qualifying friendly against Astograth, and their opener as they had rolled over Torisakia with an excellent performance. Dreamplanet were putting up a sterner fight. Eura had trailed for much of the game before Underwood (scoring twice) had got them back into it. The clock was ticking down and on the touchline Brandon looked agitated. It was an unusual look for such a cool character. How she wished she could step out there and grab the game by the scruff of its neck and turn it around, as she had done so many times for Nephara. Eura were blessed with plenty of capable central midfielders, yet few of them had the qualities she possessed. Talbot did, but his age was a concern. Players like Armstrong, Bevan and Humphreys were technically orientated playmakers who didn't have the iron grit and defensive capabilities of Rowland. Of the lot of them, only Gravesen looked capable of leaving a mark on his opponents.

Much to her relief Eura were delivered from crisis by their strikers once more. Sharp netted the leveler with a well taken tap in. The introduction of John Fletcher for Underwood gave Eura a hugely pressuring aerial presence as they racked up several consecutive corners immediately following the equaliser. His chaotic role in the box helped force Aaron Hungar into a calamitous own goal that gave Eura all three points to pack up and fly home. Rowland was invited by Brandon to join the post match celebrations - he'd already told her she'd be in the next match squad following an injury to Robshaw. He told her it would be a good opportunity to get to know some of the players she was less familiar with. To his surprise she declined. Rowland chose to fly home early instead and study their next opponent's previous matches, get back in the gym, then put in a strong showing for Bastion in their midweek Gold League game against Falourr. She was taking nothing for granted and would make sure that when the next international training session arrived, she would be every bit the player that her real homeland needed her to be.

[Kita-Hinode]

OOC: This weaker version of your regular Pokécard has been brought to you by an Android phone (because sometimes the power company ain't fixing stuff in time, sadly).

Lucas looked to the floor, realizing what was gonna happen. Ann Marie had all the reason on the world to eviscerate him, whether as a "light rib" oras the tipping point for a girl that had endured all sorts of vitriol.

Lloyd watched in silence as she did just that.

AM: Well, look at that. Hide your Kalosian kids, hide your Unovan wives. It's Lucas Monteiro, the fastest hook shot this side of Anglia!

Lloyd tried to comment a thing but he was stopped on his tracks.

AM: Let me have this, Lloyd. This clown made enough fun of me for a lifetime and I want revenge.

He sighed, shaking his head. The girl continued.

AM: Well, look at who ain't gonna have the money to buy a yacht and a couple of strippers dressed as Lopunnies. The life ain't nice, 'init sugar? That's what you get, you utter prick! Come back here, I'm not done with you!

He darted out, Lloyd following him on his trail. Soon enough, he caught up to Lucas, who was sitting on a bench facing a river.

LL: Pant... Pant... You're... fast...
LM: What, you want to snipe me as well?
LL: N-no, Lucas... Look, I'm sorry for Ann-
LM: It's fine. I deserve it. Come on.

Lloyd blinked, looking at Lucas as if he had grown another head, while Lucas kept facing the river with a frown.

LM: I might not have had all those plans about yachts and Lopunny strippers but I was a jerk to her. No wonder she hates my guts. I'm sure you hate me too.
LL: N-not at all... Well, you're a bit obnoxious but you're not that bad.
LM: And you know the funny thing? I don't... I don't hate Ann Marie. I know she hates me and probably will do so forever. I mean, I screwed up her dates, pissed her off several times, dumped an entire water bowl on her dress when she was a litte girl... Hell, she was smelling like a Magikarp for a week.

Unbeknownst to him, someone was watching him... and fuming.
LM: But I... I kinda like her, to be honest.
LL: I thought you hated her.
LM: No... Not at all. I think I should atone for my mistakes. In fact, I'll start with Ann. She deserves it.
??: Well, then you can help me gather the money to go to Margaretpalooza.

The two turned around, finding Ann Marie looking at the river, standing behind them.
AM: Turns out complaining about an utter prick loudly at work is a fireable offense at Chungus Burger.
LM: Margaretpalooza?
AM: The music/pokémon event. Breaking Nepharim, Metarunica, Matthewsianian Street Preachers, Eurabian, Ramriinstein, Hinode Police Club, Dainer dainer...
LL: I'm more of a country guy but that sounds good.
AM: Too bad it's expensive... But hey, it's not like you're-
LM: I'll do it.
LL: What?
LM: I'll qualify as a Pokémon Master and visit the event. That way you can attend the show.

The other two looked at each others and laughed.
LL: No offense, Lucas but...
AM: Being a Pokémon Master isn't something you can accomplish in a month.
LM: Guess I'll just ask my father about tips then.
AM: You say it like he's a chosen one or something.
LM: Well... you're not wrong, Ann Marie.

[Damukuni]

DBCSPORTS.COM.DU
Official Broadcaster WC 83, 84, 85

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Tracey, Leeds, Auni score in home opener; Mercianna leads disposessions
Staff Report

Wisdom Tracey may be 41, but she showed no proof of her age on the pitch as she, Qad-Damukunian upstart Jiah Leeds, and Lunigan midfielder Auni each scored one to spread out a 3-0 home opener against Bolgano at Atarashii-Damushuto International Stadium (Shinagawa Field).

The pitch, devoid of any Bolganese fans for reason of "nothing to do," played home to an all-out defensive rout from Air Damukuhni Terohiku rookie Mercianna Gaulans, who led defence with a total of 23 dispossessions. In fact, this was the first game ever where no shots were taken by the opponents (in this case the Bolganese), as they had simply given up by the 50th minute. Keeper Shoryū Enomoto (1st cap) never even had to touch the ball.

NEXT MATCH: @ Islas Aaland.

DKI 3-0 BLG
D: W. Tracey 29', J. Leeds 34', Auni O. 74'
B: (none)

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This Campaign
4th, Group N (3 pts., +3): BLG H (1/1 total), (1.000).

[Euran Oceania Territories]

Many months ago the Euran Oceania Territories achieved their greatest moment of success to date in international football. It was an AOCAF group game, and the illustrious Valanora were the opposition. Only fifteen minutes remained at the key moment. The Expats, as the national team were known, huffed and puffed having surged in the first half and created many chances to no avail, then been forced to go on the defensive in the second. Tobias Moller and his Elven giants impatiently smashed against the brick wall of the Expat's heroic defence, Moller visibly wondering if his side, weakened to give newer players experience, might be unable to penetrate this wall of human determination. Timwise Gerduns ran about like a gerbil on crack cocaine. Kurt Strong was strong. Pierre-Louis Le Tonnelier had slowed to a walking pace just like the stereotypical pub landlord he resembled. Skorji Oslograd power squatted so hard that his trousers were ripping open. A cross was floated in and headed towards goal, where Bart Jones was on hand to palm it away desperately.

The Expats seemed to be heading towards a nail biting finish in search of a crucial and famous point. They had already made two substitutions earlier in the game - Peter Chadwick being replaced by the more defensive George Richards to gain control of the midfield after half time, and Alex Charlton for the erratic looking Freddie Law at centreback. Oslograd now had a choice between bringing on a fourth defender to play the game out, or be more radical. He tended to make these changes on an all or nothing basis and this game was no different. The way of the warrior had to prevail - off would come the exhausted Willem Ajax, a central midfielder. On would come, you guessed it, prodigy wonderkid footballer Garret Ramsey, a man who really did stretch the definition of the prodigy, wonderkid and definitely footballer. Crucially he was a striker which left the Expats critically unbalanced and short in midfield. Valanora's dominance multiplied straight away, until something magnificent happened.

Collectively, Valanora's midfield had looked untouchable all second half when in the 75th minute, one of them having just struck the bar with a sublime effort from 35 yards, they made a rare error. They hesitated on the ball deep into the Expats half. Gerduns sprinted at them with fury, the Revolutionaries man having played an excellent game while resisting the urge to use the shiv Oslograd had forced him to hide in his boot. Normally the Vanorian would simply drift past a hyper ferret of a man like Gerduns but this time their decision came too late. They tried to drift to the left and Gerdun's judged the movement perfectly, nicking the ball from their feet and moving forward. With two players in front of him Gerdun's picked out young Kasey Fuller on the left and before anyone knew what was going on, the Expats were away on the unlikeliest of counter attacks. Tom Duffy was too slow to keep with the pace but Ramsey was away in the centre, floundering forward at some speed like a gazelle powered by energy drinks, positioned sumptuously to chest down and smash home Fullers long ball! Except, when the ball did come, he swung at it with his left peg and missed. The ball bounced backwards off the sole of his right boot and away from goal, bobbling along the ground towards another player 25 yards from goal.

Attack ending fluffed lines like this are common place in the world of football. What is a rarity is the kind of player who, out of nothing, can apply some magic to turn them into a moment of pure, unadulterated glory. The Expats have some decent Gold League players (even a couple of Champions Cup winners), but none have the understated and ludicrous brilliance of Le Tonnelier. He had literally stopped running whatsoever at around the sixtieth minute and was in the right position only by chance. What could this jumped up pub footballer do here to stop the mighty Valanora? Anyone who was asking that question in the moment should have remembered not to judge a book by its cover. He might have resembled a village cricketer or darts player, sure. But he had the ability to win games, his Gold League scoring record being testament to that. Therefore when the loose ball trickled towards Le Tonnelier, he didn't look at this as a pressurising moment where he had to hold on to the ball or find a better option. Ramsey was crap and Duffy nowhere to be seen. Neither Conway or Fuller had come in from the wings, into scoring positions, and passing backwards was not in Le Tonnelier's vocabulary. What he did notice was that Valanora's goalkeeper was ever so slightly off their line.

Like he'd done it a million times, Le Tonnelier put his right foot through the ball and sent it goalwards with a powerful chip. It dipped, ducked and dodged past the goalkeeper, who realised their plight too late to prevent the ball dropping into the top left hand corner just under the bar. The Expats supporters went mad. Ramsey covered his mouth, his eyes wide with shock. Oslograd celebrated typically ungracefully aside Moller, but for once had the decency not to do it for too long. The goalkeeper lashed out at the ball in embarrassed rage. Laborious Hawk frowned quizzically from the stands having been rested for this game. And there was Le Tonnelier, who stood still for a moment, before slowly turning to face the television cameras and raising his arms in celebration. Against all of the odds, the Euran Oceania Territories were beating Valanora 1-0. Now they had to defend for quarter of an hour with virtually no central midfield. Realising this, panic set in and the mistakes began. Freeman was too tired to track midfield runs and Valanora accumulated possession. They put in crosses, long range shots, free kicks and corners, to no avail. Oslograd finally switched; everyone would go on the defensive now without exceptions. Le Tonnelier himself was brought back. More time ticked away.

A golden chance appeared for the Elves - a cross in from the right beat everyone and hung tantalisingly in the air. Fortunately the head of Kurt Strong was there again to power it away. In stoppage time there was one final chance, a corner, and to add to the tension Valanora sent their keeper up. Seconds remained now. The corner cleared the first man and was headed towards goal - no! Duffy was there, steering it away with his own head. It was whipped right back in and the ball hit something or someone, it went through Charlton's legs and under Jones, surely into the net? Not quite. Gerdun's, a player transformed since he'd deserted Apox for the Territories, was two feet in front of the goal line and blocked firmly. The deflection was so fierce that when combined with his boot's retort, the clearance sailed miles away. For a moment it looked like Ramsey on the break might score into an open net. He went to pull the trigger only for his feet to get mixed up again, allowing Valanora to regain possession. Too late! The referee had blown his whistle. Oslograd sprinted onto the pitch. The celebrations were manic. The Expats had pulled off a memorable victory. Oslograd questionably attributed the goal to Ramsey's "deft touch to set up Big Dick Pierre". Thankfully, for once, the manager's inevitable idiotic post-game comment couldn't steal the headlines.