DRAWKLAND BID FOR WORLD CUP 83:
The Incredible Evil
Also Saltstead is the cohost now kthxbai
The Incredible Evil
Also Saltstead is the cohost now kthxbai
Hello, one and all, and welcome to Drawkland’s bid for World Cup 83! DISC (Drawkian International Sporting Council) has been infiltrated by some sort of malicious memers in a strange ploy to make Drawkland host the worst World Cup ever, in order to finally destroy its reputation in the sporting world. Apparently this is some sort of petty revenge for Drawkland failing to qualify for two cycles running and sucking the Cup of Harmony. Whether this evil ever comes to light is up to the voting base, of course.
The World Cup Constitution demands that every bid for the World Cup consist of two co-hosts. As the malevolent forces behind this bid submitted the paperwork as quickly as possible so nobody at DISC would notice, no nation has been contacted to co-host. Since a bid must have a co-host to reach a vote, the nation to first respond to this thread will be the designated co-host (since generally the first response to a bid thread is a tag post by the co-host), provided they are currently signed up for this edition of the World Cup, as mandated. This co-host will not be involved in the operation of this evil cup in any way, shape or form. Their only purpose will be to take over operations in the case that the user behind Drawkland dies or is incapacitated long-term during the duration of this cup. In this case, the hosting rights to the cup will be allocated via the user’s last will and testament to the designated co-host nation. Because of the legal processes that are associated with executing a will are complicated, this may delay the cup by 3-6 months.
Right now you’re probably wondering “well what makes this cup so bad anyway? surely the random co-host thing can’t be that damning?” Well, pal, get ready to cringe.
FORMAT/SCORINATION/BONUSES
*thunder crackling in the distance*
*thunder crackling in the distance*
Obviously, to remain constitutional, the traditional field of 32 nations will be used for the World Cup finals. Drawkland and the random co-host will automatically qualify, as per the norm. However,
What about the qualifying format for the plebian nations? This is where it gets interesting. With 4 nations auto-qualifying, that leaves 28 spots for the rest of the multiverse to try and grab for the chance at glory. We could have a 15- or 20-group format, like most cups these days, but to hell with that. This bid is evil. Half the participants will participate in 7 groups, and the other half will go through a Casaran run the same length as the groups’ double round-robin (depends on signup numbers). The group winner and runner-up of all 7 groups will qualify to the World Cup, as well as the Top 14 nations in the Casaran table at the end of the qualifying run. There will not be any playoffs. Fuck playoffs.
Since the Casaran system is in use for half the field, a specific number of signups is not necessary. Any number will do, although if this bid is selected a very specific deadline will be set for signups (since there’s no number cutoff to shoot for). The nearest number divisible by 7 will be calculated and then halved. This will be the amount of teams per group. Since any number will be used, the exact length of qualifying will not be confirmed until the groups are drawn. Right now we're floating at 140 signups, which is pointing to 7 groups of 10 and 70 nations in the Casaran.
The pots will be constructed as usual. Every nation will be listed in order of rank. Then every other nation (likely any rank which is an even number, barring possible gaps and ties) will be removed from this list up to the amount of 7 x nations per group. These nations will be then arranged in their own pots and drawn into groups as per a normal fashion. The remaining nations will be entered in the Casaran setup. Since Casaran requires an even number of participants, if the final signup number is odd, I will add in a puppet nation to make the signup number even. Because of this, I will not otherwise be signing up a puppet nation (not like that matters to this bid).
Tiebreakers: Points, H2H, Goal Difference, H2H Goal Difference, Away Goals,
In addition, to promote RP or something like that, each group will have one or two “quirks” or, more accurately, “curses” upon them. These will be outlined below. One of them will have to do with the format or scorination, while the other will have to do with an IC issue. Unless otherwise specified, the scorination method will be SQIS with xkoranate style mods.
GROUP 1: Group 1 will be scorinated “normally,” but ties will be turned off. Matches drawn after full time will go to extra time and penalties as necessary. This is also an IC stipulation.
GROUP 2: Matches without goals will not be tolerated in Group 2. If results are scorinated where a team does not score any goals in a match, the batch of results will be rescorinated. Rescorination will persist until every team has scored a goal every matchday. This should be enough of an IC weirdness that I don't have to throw in anything else. You're welcome.
GROUP 3: Every matchday, two random nations in Group 3 will be selected using a random number generator. One nation’s bonus will be reset to 0 for the duration of the matchday, while the other’s will be set to the maximum current bonus at that matchday. Their bonus will be set back to its value for the next matchday, unless they are selected again the next matchday. IC’ly, the best player (arguably) of the 0 bonus team is withheld for “drug testing” (they’re actually forced to play for the max bonus team).
GROUP 4: Group 4 will be using whatever the standard fixture method is (double round robin probably), but the tiebreakers will be backwards. That is (ignoring the 7ball match because that would be excessive to do every matchday), Away Goals, H2H GD, GD, H2H, Points. IC’ly, teams will be forced to play in American football gear, pads, helmets, and all, despite still just playing regulation association football.
GROUP 5: Instead of using the raw KPB value for teams in Group 5, I will actually use the rank value. This means the Pot 1 team will be at the disadvantage since their rank will likely be single-digit compared to the lower-ranked teams in the 200s. To make things equitable, I may use a log scale or a square root to make things more fair. Unranked teams will start at 0. IC’ly, matches must be timed to take place in the rain. If there is no rain on the scheduled day, the match must be relocated or rescheduled to make sure the weather for the match is as shitty as possible.
GROUP 6: Group 6 will actually be playing Beach Soccer. That’s it. That’s the entire quirk, both OOC and IC.
GROUP 7: Group 7 will not have a normal group stage. Instead, they will have a triple-elimination playoff bracket. The winner and runner up will both qualify for the World Cup, obviously. Because this is played over a maximum of 10 rounds, scorination for this group will be done once every other cutoff. IC’ly, the worst-ranked nation will be the host of a given match, meaning the Pot 1 team will not have a home game for the entire campaign. HARD MODE. This is also technically a scorination stipulation.
CASARAN NATIONS: LOL, you have to play Casaran. Suck it, nerds! Also, I won’t post the next day’s fixtures. Who you’re facing the next day will be a surprise!
The post-qualifying ranks will be used to determine nations' bonuses. There will be 1/7 RP bonus carryover from qualifying to finals. Any additional bonuses (shown below) will be carried over at full value.
The World Cup finals will consist of the classic 8 groups of 4, 32-nation format. Best two teams will qualify for the playoffs, which go Round of 16 onwards. This is to keep the spirit of The Game alive, you know what I mean? But here’s the catch. Every group’s scores will be generated via a different method of scorination.
GROUP A: Group A will be held using the SQIS Association Football formula with xkoranate style mods. They will be held in normal stadia under normal conditions, but no fans who aren’t Drawkian citizens will be allowed to attend any matches. This may result in empty stadia for some matches, but at least you aren’t in Group B.
GROUP B: Group B will be held using the NSFS formula NSFS mods, because we’re trying to have parallels here. Matches will be held offshore on the Sulsuland archipelago. These are generally just open fields with no structures near them, so not many fans will be able to attend. Oh well. Also all your players may get the Sulsu virus and turn into Sulsu.
GROUP C: Group C will be using the SGIS formula first developed by SJG. I forget if that one has differing style mods, but fuck it, if there’s multiple I’ll just flip a coin. IC’ly, this group will be officiated entirely by VAR. There will be no on-field referee.
GROUP D: Group D will use the WC68 formula. You didn’t think this bid could get worse, but it did. In this group, nations will play the first half of their matches in one stadium, then take an extended halftime break where they transfer to another stadium to finish the second half. If extra time is needed, a third stadium will be employed.
GROUP E: Group E will use the Footba11er formula. Not sure on the last time that formula’s ever been used, so I’ll probably have to treat it for rust first. Because I’m American, “football” generally refers to the gridiron, and thus teams here will IC be playing on regulation American Football fields, but still playing association football. There will be association goals as required, but the gridiron goalposts will still be in the way. The association markings will still be there but harder to see since they’re covered by the American football markings (kinda like high school fields in America).
GROUP F: Group F will use the American Football Post-XXXI formula developed by FFR, using IFAF overtime. IC, these national teams will be forced at gunpoint to play American football rather than association football.
GROUP G: Group G, since I’m thinking about american sports, will be scorinated with the xkoranate baseball function (not NSFS, as I’m not looking for linescores). The players will still be playing association football, but it will be on baseball diamonds rather than a regulation pitch. No, we won’t cover up the infield dirt with temporary turf. Don’t be a wuss.
GROUP H: Matches in Group H will be held in my basement. Me and
For playoff scorination, the team with the higher rank will be given priority, i.e. if #1-ranked Nation A plays #7-ranked Nation B, then whatever odd group stipulations applied to Nation A, both from an IC and OOC standpoint, will apply to that playoff match. The playoffs will still be using the standard A1 vs D2 bracket, so the stipulations are based on the current KPB rankings. The exception is the World Cup Final, which will be scorinated with SQIS/xkoranate style mods, completely normally. The match will IC’ly be held at Seven Stars Stadium.
Should Drawkland reach the playoff stage, the co-host will be called upon to scorinate the match exactly as it should be scorinated as instructed by this bid’s format. Since Drawkland will likely be placed into Group A, this will not be difficult. If they do not scorinate the match(es) correctly, they will be removed and replaced by another co-host of my choosing. I will then change all logos/wording/references to the old nation with the new nation. However, this will not be an IC retcon.
Also, the third place match won’t be soccer. The two squads will instead play a match of 7ball (Heptad Honors Stadium, Drawk City). If either 3PPO competitor correctly and thoroughly referenced the rules and playing of 7ball in an RP at any point during the cycle (qualifying, group stage, playoffs, even in BoF if applicable), they will be given 77 KPB’s worth of bonus for the 3PPO match. Obviously you can’t predict making the 3PPO nor would that be your end goal, but better safe than sorry right?
OTHER BONUSES/PERKS
Gotta grab votes somehow, right?
Gotta grab votes somehow, right?
Nations will be able to earn additional bonuses through the use of challenges and perks available throughout the duration of the qualifying campaign and the World Cup proper. Some of these include, but will not be limited to:
- Finding my YouTube channel, be sure to Subscribe, click the little bell icon so you’ll always be notified of my content, and liking the video! CAN WE HIT 5,000 LIKES?
- Making a funny Sulsu meme. Meme will be shown to my friend, the creator of Sulsu. The amount of bonus it receives will be based on how funny he thinks it is.
- You may receive a bonus depending on the rarity of your “NationStates: The Gathering” card. Send a link to me or reference it in an RP to receive the bonus.
- If your nation is called “Sulsuland” you will instantly receive 7 KPB worth of bonus. Sulsu World Cup Champion When?
- Any nation whose user admits to liking the New England Patriots, Oakland Raiders, Los Angeles Dodgers, or New York Yankees will have their bonus cut in half. I swear I’m not trying to target Damu here.
- Nations will receive extra bonuses on their RP if they give glory to Drawkland, its national team, its leader Iarocav, the quality of my RPs and hosting prowess, and anything else that gives me an ego boost. Bonus is scaled to how big my ego boost is
- Any originally-composed music made during this World Cup will be rewarded with a large amount of bonus, the exact amount being confidential.
- If ESF permanently allows Reactions back on the Discord, any of her nations signed up for this Cup will be given 10 free KPB bonus.
- Any nation, if they TG me to call my attention to them, will receive 0.5 KPB for every Easter Egg issue they’ve answered.
- At some point during qualifying, a quiz about the rules of 7ball will be posted. The score you get on this quiz will be added to your bonus at a rate of 0.5 KPB per question correctly answered. - There will be at most 7 questions on this quiz, for a maximum possible bonus of 3.5 KPB. Anybody who looks up the rules while taking the quiz is a DIRTY ROTTEN CHEATER and if you admit to it your bonus will be reset to 0. You hear me?! ZERO!!
- A small additional daily bonus will be given to nations who change their flag to a version of their flag but in Drawkland colors (primarily black and red, secondarily blue and gold). Any nation whose flag is changed accordingly at the RP cutoff will receive the bonus.
- A small additional daily bonus will be given to nations who are residing in the region Sonnel when any RP cutoff is posted.
- Anybody who’s played a match of PUBG Mobile with me will receive an undisclosed bonus. Since I uninstalled the app due to it taking up too much space on my phone, only a few nations have and will qualify for this. I got a new phone though, so if some of you are desperate for more bonus I might reinstall and be open for co-op matches.
- Any nation which contains Drawkian players in their domestic league system will receive a bonus dependent on the exact number of players in that league. The exact bonus per player will not be revealed. This kinda sucks because I've been inactive domestically and don't have many players abroad anymore. Oh well!
- RPs entirely written in perfect iambic pentameter will be given a bonus.
- You may receive a bonus per tournament titles previously won. However, only competitions where Drawkland has entered the most recent edition qualify. Therefore, only World Cup, IAC, and american sport (minus hockey) titles qualify. Basically Cassadaigua is getting a fat stack of bonus.
- Nations that have participated in World Cup 1 or Baptism of Fire 64 will be entitled to a bonus, just make sure it’s mentioned on the roster to receive said bonus.
- If a participating nation is named “Amnarei-asud,” their bonus will be set to 0 and will remain at 0 for the duration of the tournament, even if they post a roster/RP. Saltstead won’t receive a deduction, but you’re on thin fucking ice.
- Every RP cutoff, a random word will be posted. Any RPs over the next matchday which employ this word will receive a bonus. The more naturally the word fits into the RP, the more valuable the bonus will be.
EXPERIENCE
I have some
I have some
Just like any memey host bidder should, Drawkland has hosted many memes. Most recently, Cup of Harmony 70 #BIGGUNSBIGGOALS #IMPERIALISM with the GOAT Eshan.
Oh, he’s also hosted two International Cups of 7ball, which are total memes. I mean seriously, Mercedini almost won one just by posting pasta recipes he found online. Also, Drawkland has made several nearly exclusive meme RPs in recently tournaments. There’s also the meme WC77 bid with Ethane through the Isles of Avon. That could’ve been huge.
“Hey, I want real experience too!” you say? Fine. Drawkland has also hosted Baptism of Fire 65 with Spaam #SPAWK #NOTMEMORABLEENOUGHFORMEMESTATUS #STOPITWITHTHEGODDAMNHASHTAGS, World Cup 79 with Ceni #RIPCREDO #HARVARD #CREDRAWK #RIPCOMEBACKPLS, and also a bunch of American sports events which over 50% of you don’t give a shit about so I won’t mention. Also, Drawkland is currently hosting IAC-7, which will be completed in the next 2 weeks.
Now you may worry about the co-host. You don’t know who they are, or if they hosted anything. Well, I have faith. I mean, what are the odds that some scrub who doesn’t even have a computer will be the first to respond? I guess I’m just taking that risk. Tbh, they won’t be touching anything scorination-wise unless I die, go into a coma, or make the WC playoffs, so it’s not exactly a super pressing concern. What happens if the first poster doesn’t want to be the co-host and explicitly says so?
Crap, well, I didn’t initially think of that. Well, I’m making the decision. If the first poster in this thread doesn’t want on this sinking ship, they can pass the co-host honor, hot-potato style, to another currently signed up nation (provided that nation acknowledges their now co-host status). That next nation, if they don’t want to co-host, can pass it to another nation in the same fashion. To declare they are passing co-hosting rights on, they must post it on the World Cup Discussion Thread, on this thread, or to me via telegram.
Even if you suddenly realize your mistake after you pass on the co-hosting rights and want them back, you are now locked out. Zero forgiveness here. Once you pass on the rights, you cannot get them back, even if another nation nominates you. Nations that nominate a previously-nominated nation will be informed that their nomination is not valid and will keep co-hosting duties until they pass it on to a valid nation or the deadline hits.
Now the same deadline that will be used for the World Cup signups will be used for co-hosting duties. Whichever nation currently possess the co-hosting duties at that time will be locked in as co-host. Again, they’re probably not going to need to do anything over the course of this cup. And again, if a nation actually wants co-hosting duties for this cup, they don’t have to pass them on and can just stay put until the deadline.
Also, read the first letter of every paragraph in this section.
QUESTIONS?
Answering some you may already have
Answering some you may already have
Q: “Why are you doing this, drawk?”
A: Because I feel like it, lol. Also I'm tired of waiting for World Cup bids and this will definitely force people to post a bid soon.
Q: “Why should I vote for this bid?”
A: You shouldn’t. Unless you like chaos? Then you definitely should. Tbh tho, if this bid gets any votes I will be alarmed.
Q: “You’ve never hosted an event in Casaran. Do you have confidence in your ability to use this system?”
A: I honestly have no clue how Casaran works. If this bid wins somehow (which would be kinda stupid), then I’ll ask FFR how the fuck Casaran actually works and figure it out.
Q: “Do you seriously expect us to believe that you’d carry out this format to a T if you actually win?”
A: Absolutely. I may have made this stupid-ass meme bid, but I will stand by the fact that the format will be followed exactly as it is written here. If proof is requested, I will take selfies of me scorinating/otherwise generating the results as promised.
Q: “Is this bid legal?”
A: In letter, yes. In spirit, eh. The constitution, honestly, is pretty lax. All that’s really required is a co-host (who will be selected as soon as this thread is responded to), and that the World Cup itself be comprised of 32 nations. Of course, you can argue semantics about the co-host being “involved” and “actively scorinating matches” and how the field of 32 was designated because it’s supposed to “follow the real life format” and “be realistic” but if you want those to always be exactly followed then you oughta put it in writing.
Q: “What happens if this bid is still somehow unconstitutional?”
A: I will do everything in my power to retain the memeiness of the bid while keeping the bid legal enough to be brought to vote. What good is a meme bid that doesn’t actually get voted on? Again, the constitution is quite vague and doesn’t have many real restrictions, so really unless the current President is an asshole and makes an executive order or something, I don’t see this bid being illegal. Again, I’m not forcing anybody to vote for this bid. I’m actually actively asking people to not vote for this. If this wins then by God it’s what the people want.
Q: “How is the rank keeper supposed to deal with this? The format is abnormal and not the same for every nation!”
A: Well, there’s nothing illegal about it. Sure, it would suck for the rank keeper, but the base formula is Points/Games Played. Teams will always be playing matches and a win/loss/draw will be determined, no matter how strange the system scheduling/scoring the matches is.
Q: “Seriously, this bid is kind of insulting and unfunny. Why did you even make it in the first place?”
A: Oh, get the stick out of your ass.
Q: “So like … this bid isn’t going to win. What are you going to do with all the hard work you did concocting this shitty excuse for a host bid?”
A: I will open a rift in space-time and go to a dimension where I did win the host vote, and I will post the results of this convoluted cup in this dimension’s WCRP thread as RPs.
Q: “Wait, so you’re telling me you have the ability to travel between dimensions, but you’re just going to go to a dimension where only one thing is changed instead of going to a dimension where all these nations actually exist and where you can spectate the coming World Cup?”
A: Shit, you’re right. I hope they have free WiFi in Drawkland, because that’s where I’ll be sending all my RPs from.
If you have any other questions, ask away. I’m pretty sure I covered everything, so I can’t imagine why anybody would have any additional questions to ask. Also, if you have a suggestion for an even more diabolical scheme for scorinating/dealing with matches than I already have listed, ping me on this thread or on Discord or something. I may replace one here with a new one (of course notifying clearly with a post on this thread to make sure voters are aware).
Thanks fellas and ladies, and remember. On Corps.
EDIT: Thanks to a fantastic suggestion from Mriin on the Discord, I am hereby REPLACING "Coin Flip" as a tiebreaker with a match of 7ball played between the two national teams in question. This will only be invoked on the final matchday if teams are tied on the table, but not if the group stage is still in progress. This will still apply, even if both teams are out of contention for advancing to the next round.
Also, I have made a logo for this Cup!
The DRAWKIAN INTERNATIONAL SPORTING COUNCIL, in association with ROYAL SALTSTEADISH FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION, are proud to announce WORLD CUP 83 - DRAWKLAND & SALTSTEAD - EVIL EDITION, conducted by the association of Seven Stars Stadium and Millennium Arena at Grand Gate Park in Centivar County Complex and presented by Drawk Corps, Drawk Corps with a cooler metallic logo, the Drawkian Organization of Collegiate Athletics, the International Basketball Organization, Drawkian League Kickerball, the Independents Association Cup - 7, the International Cup of 7ball, Drawkland National Sports Network, the Kick Corps, the International Marching Arts Association, the Big Seven 83 Conference, the Flying Drawk Conference, the Terranean League, the International "fuck the University of Cenial and their bitch asses" Brigade (not pictured), "I can't believe I got cucked by Amnarei-asud in the BoF 64 semifinals and no i'll never get over it" Anonymous (not pictured), the International "Drawkland still has the best qualifying streak as a newcomer unless Baker Park ties us this cycle" Alliance (not pictured), that one host bid for World Cup 77 I did with Ethane ft. The Isles of Avon, IAC-7-DRK, #BIGGUNSBIGGOALS, aka #CUPOFHARMONY70, aka #THEBESTCUPOFHARMONYJUSTASKESHAN, closed captioning provided by the SONNEL SOCCER SHOWDOWN, patent pending and I'm not sure when I'll start using it, Iarocav (immortal ruler [Drawkionel] of Drawkland) but he's really mad for some reason, literally a random fucking Sulsu I found on the street, that one clutch juice meme I post every time I get to a final, and the fact that Drawkland blew a 10-3 lead in a single inning in Game 5 of the Round of 16 against Scootalove City in World Baseball Classic 41, hosted in Equestrian States.
Edit: is this a actual bid