Squornshelan Hockey League Season 1 Preview
Arena: Synesoft Center (cap 18,300)
Goal Song
Team History: Sociologists and historians can debate the extent to which Arkintoofle's reputation as a blue collar town remains valid, but it's still going to be how the city is viewed, and that image has certainly rubbed off on their hockey team. While some other fanbases are consistently critical of Arkintoofle's supporters for being, for lack of better terms, rude, crude, loud, and proud, you can't argue that the atmosphere in the Sharks' barn is second to anyone else's.
Current Team: A bruisingly physical team rife with all manner of grit, truculence, sandpaper, and whatever other metaphors for being unpleasant and difficult to play against that you can think up. It starts back on the blue line with captain Ebbe Strom, who sets the tone for the entire team. He brings plenty of the crunching hits down low and standing up at the blue line you'd expect, but also a tremendous work rate and an absurd amount of minutes eaten up, as he routinely approaches or surpasses 25 minutes player per game. Behind Strom and the rest of the defensive corps, goalkeeper Ture Antons continues the hardworking trend of the team. He's sometimes referred to as the "smartest man in the SHL" though hardest studying might be a better descriptor. While he might sometimes lack the positional instinct of Rinne, or the sheer athleticism of Matejevic, he's made his reputation by knowing the league's best shooters better than they know themselves, making their nastiest snipes and dangles look pedestrian. Up front, the forwards are led by top-line center Hajnal Kristanssen, who may be the best two-way player in the league, and excels in every aspect of the game, but it’s uncertain whether the team’s middle six is good enough to provide enough depth scoring.
Arena: The Macrodome (cap. 18,500)
Goal Song
Team History: Brantisvogan, although not the newest addition to the league, is the youngest organization. They still have nearly a century of history to look back on, but that pales in comparison to the age of the competition. They’ve also lacked the level of success and popularity of the more established clubs despite being the only team in the single largest metro area in the nation.
Current Team: Brantisvogan are not a great team this season. They’re not bad at forward, particularly with top-line playmaking winger Senga Morris able to make anyone else on the ice look that much better with her passing and anticipation. The back end is an issue though, as they lack a true top defensive pairing, as well as a true starting goalkeeper, going instead with the tandem of Ildiko Lund and Viktor Vincze in net. Either keeper is good enough when at their best, but neither has shown the kind of consistency needed to truly be considered a starter.
Arena: Scolaidh Arena (cap. 17,700)
Goal Song
Team History: It’s sometimes difficult to make definite assertions about when particularly early teams truly began play. Can the Voyagers Club of Han Dold and its amateur hockey team, which played against other civic organizations from across the city, be properly considered a direct successor of the modern, professional team? Even if you don’t concede that particular point, the Voyagers have been playing hockey in Han Dold City for well over a century, and Han Dold City is considered by many to be the birthplace of Squornshelan Hockey. The stereotypical Voyagers fan is loud, confident, and absolutely convinced of their team’s superiority in every possible facet of the game and culture of hockey. This, of course, is not quite fair to the majority of their fans, and a game in Han Dold City is invariably sold out and deafening, and their snarling St. Bernard emblem can be seen on shirts and caps throughout the city even in the depths of the offseason.
Current Team: The Voyagers are a powerhouse of a team led by what is probably the best line in Squornshelan hockey, the so-called ABK line of Seagh Alan, Dorina Bradaigh, and Tegan Kelley. Alan’s addition in particular brought some needed size and strength to complement the speed and skill of the two smaller wingers, along with his own undeniable hockey skill and IQ. On the blue line, elder statesman Tavish Devine still holds sway, using his long stride and even longer reach to surprise younger, quicker players who think for a moment that they have a step on him.
Arena: Millenium Insurance Center (cap. 16,900)
Goal Song
Team History: If there’s any place that can and will dispute Han Dold City’s claim to be the birthplace of Squornshelan hockey, it’s Han Wavel. The Walrus are the Voyagers’ oldest, closest, and most hated rival, but it’s impossible to imagine either team without the other. The Walrus can perhaps argue that they iced a team of professionals earlier than any other extant club, though some would argue that they resorted to paying players after losing to the Voyagers ten years straight. They can boast nearly as many championships as the Voyagers, nearly as many years in the league, and nearly as many supporters. Nearly, but not quite.
Current Team: The Walrus are an eager, young, puck-moving team but one that has yet to taste true postseason success in its current iteration. They have a glut of players with a lot of skill on the puck and in the offensive zone, but have a persistent reputation for being, well, a bit of a soft team who are too easily pushed around. Top line wingers Mikaela Corcrain and Aydan Jarpen are hardly physical powerhouses, as shifty and talented with the puck as each might be. The team has plenty of scoring depth, with another national team level talent on the second line in Tam Dubgall, but lacks the sheer size and grit on the blue line and in their top six to consistently impose their will on the opposition and open space on the ice for their top talents. When you play the Walrus, they’re definitely going to score a few, but so are you.
Arena: LutenBank Arena (cap. 17,120)
Goal Song
Team History: Oddly enough, bringing hockey to Lutenblag was a much more organic process than in Sjerezo, albeit roughly contemporary. The kombinat leaders of the city at that time were much more concerned with meeting production quotas than fostering civic culture. Instead of being a professional organization from the beginning, HC Lutenblag began as the name would indicate, as a grassroots organization. HC quickly became the preeminent amateur hockey organization, and when the SHL stopped accepting challenge matches for possession of its trophy, club members organized to purchase a league franchise and go pro.
Current Team: Lutenblag is a middling team; not great, not terrible. The team’s unquestioned leader is Milan Zyma, who is a threat to shoot and score from anywhere in the attacking zone. Their gameplan, unsurprisingly, centers on them getting him the puck whenever possible to let him work his magic. To that end, defenseman Tapani Jezek fits the team well. Considered by some to be slightly undersized, he’s a smooth skater and excellent puck mover who sees the ice with a maturity that belies his mere 20 years of age. He also has the benefit of playing next to the towering Maxim Nyberg who is the gigantic, stay-at-home grinder to compliment Jezek's skill and finesse.
Arena: Ironworks Arena (cap. 19,200)
Goal Song
Team History: Santraginus as a hockey club goes back a long, long way. The Imperial Navy, in order to compete with the Army team that would eventually become Vogsphere HC, formed their own hockey roster. The Clippers are not that team, it was disbanded during the final fall of the Imperium. They are however, the successor to the team formed from among the civilian shipping workers and sailors of the city, who became just as big a rival to the Navy as the Army squad was. In typical Santraginean fashion, their fans have generally been aligned with what passed for an opposition party under the Imperium, and they were enthusiastically welcomed into the league after Squornshelan reunification.
Current Team: Santraginus are a decent enough hockey team, led by two-way defenseman Bruno Todorov, the highlight of a capable cadre of blueliners that also includes rising prospect Lochlann O'Corra. There's a shortage of top-end talent in the forward corps though, and while they do a decent job with puck possession and their transitional game, the team struggles to create high-danger chances. In net, Janka Chalupnik plays well enough, but isn't the caliber of goalkeeper to routinely steal low-scoring games, which is what the current Clippers roster would need to be realistically competitive.
Arena: St. Parthag Center (cap. 18,050)
Goal Song
Team History: Before air travel became common, Sjerezo was the gateway to Molvania from the rest of what was at the time West Squornshelous. Thus, hockey came early to Sjerezo, and a group of local businessmen, most notably railroad magnate Torvald Plcek, organized a professional team. The Eagles were pretty bad for their first couple years, as there were not yet many Molvanian players of note, and few Han players were willing to sign for the fledgling side given the language barrier and generally poor opinion of Molvania in the minds of most Squornshelans at the time.
Current Team: The Eagles are an excellent team with a hard-working, hard-checking mentality married to just the right amount of swagger. Both the biggest body and the biggest personality on the current Eagles roster are found in massive power forward Vsevolod Poplawski. He seems to have the same crooked grin on his slab of a face when outmuscling opposing defenders as he does delivering one-liners to the media. His linemate Kseniya Pavlovic mirrors his physical playstyle, and though she might only weigh in at 81 kilos, thighs the size of small tree trunks and a distinct pugnacious streak mean she hits and shields the puck as if she were 10 or so kilos larger. They’re also solid at the back end, with amazingly athletic goalkeeper Tobias Matijevic pulling off circus saves with regularity, and all-around defenseman Czeslaw Wyrzik who is equally at home flattening opponents as he is cranking 100 mph slap shots from the point.
Arena: Fanoil Center (cap. 17,240)
Goal Song
Team History: The Oilers were, as you’d probably guess, founded by the petroleum giant, Flanoil. The company bought the original franchise, and the team retains the colors and theming taken from that era. Eventually though, laws were passed forbidding corporate ownership of sports teams, so the Oilers were split off into an independent entity, and have remained so to the present day.
Current Team: The current Oilers roster is one that has a reputation for being generally undersized and pushed around by their opponents. They certainly do have skilled players, but struggle at times with puck retrieval and other physical areas of the game. They brought in former Vogsphere center Synne Partin a couple seasons ago for her gritty, hardworking reputation, but she’s hardly the largest or strongest player in the league, and her efforts can only go so far. Top defender Hjordis Bents is emblematic of the team’s current reputation. She’s an excellent puck mover and skater, but is among the smallest players in the league, and makes her defensive plays with an active stick rather than brute strength.
Arena: Microtek Center (cap. 18,900)
Goal Song
Team History: Vogsphere HC were the exhibition team of the Imperial Squornshelan Army. Their original purpose was to play matches to entertain troops, but they quickly became a point of pride for the nation, and the players, while still holding official ranks, were essentially professionals, playing in a professional league, but simply funded by the Army. Their annual series against the Navy team from Santraginus was among the highlights of the Imperial hockey league, and while no direct successor of that team remains, they do still have a spirited rivalry with the Clippers.
Current Team: Vogsphere are a well rounded team, but seem to lack the star power to mount a realistic challenge for the league this season. Star defenseman Taras Groshev is still an excellent player, but certainly isn't getting any younger, and at 35 isn't quite the dynamic puck mover that he once was. He's still a massive presence at the back, and picks out superb breakout passes, but is less likely to jump up into the attack, and more likely to be caught up ice one occasions when he does. Still, the team is far from bad,
Arena: Brantid Motors Arena (cap. 17,800)
Goal Song
Team History: Bridging the gap between civic club teams and millionaire founded professional entities, Icebreaker have a hybrid origin story. A local fundraiser was conducted to buy franchise rights, and while certain “leading citizens” were prominent among the donors, the club was independently run from its inception. The team was first known as the Zarss Ice Men, but that nickname, of course, eventually fell out of favor in an increasingly gender inclusive society. They were rebranded as Icebreaker, after the nuclear-powered behemoths that keep the port open and accessible during the winter months.
Current Team: It all starts in net with Wislava Rinne, who is quite simply the best goaltender in the league. She has the big body to fill the net and makes a ton of saves just based on excellent positioning. While some fans have been known to underrate her due to this sometimes unspectacular playstyle, she’s consistently rated as the most difficult keeper to score against in player polls. Among the skaters, the definite leader is Zhelazko Lang who captains both Icebreaker and the national team. He’s a prototypical playmaking center, perhaps not as quick as he was a few years ago, but every bit as dangerous a passer and shooter as ever. Goizeder Arigani, playing on Lang’s wing, is speed incarnate. While he’s an inconsistent shooter, the sheer number of opportunities created by his speed and Lang’s savvy lets him tally his fair share of goals.
