World Cup 81: Roleplay Thread

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

In between rounds of interrogation, they had permitted Tshiunza Aarud a television. There were not many channels available, but she was able to watch a few news programs. Currently, a sports anchor was breaking down the Confederacy's latest victories, bouncing back from their losses against Pasarga and 95X to defeat Vakolicci Haven and Celeria 2-1, and then Dormill and Stiura 2-0 in a match that was highlighted by the return of a handful of the players who had been poisoned. The result assured them of a top half final position, which would almost certainly be fifth place. While it was mathematicaly possible for them to catch Geisenfried and 95X, but those two teams faced Dormill and Stiura and Olastor respectively, while the Black-and-Reds final match would be played away to group runners up Qasden.

The interrogator, one Agent Tewodros Zollner, entered the room and glanced at the screen. "Does it both you that they've still been playing so well, despite everything your team tried?"

"Quite the contrary, Agent Zollner. I find it comforting that we failed so thoroughly, despite all our seeming success. It only serves to demonstrate that the mission was impossible from the outset. There is no shame in failing to achieve the impossible."

"Really? I'd be frustrated if I were in your shoes."

"Oh certainly I have been frustrated, but my frustration is reserved for those who set me this task. It was a senseless, petty decision, and by far the most asinine thing I have ever been called upon to do for the SIO."

"I guess that makes sense when you think about it."

"It's kind of you to be so agreeable, Agent, but it isn't necessary for you to identify with my state of mind. I'm the one who has to make peace with my actions. Shall we proceed to business?"

"If you say so Ms. Aarud. They've decided it's time to move you to a different facility, one with tighter security and fewer personnel."

"I hope it's in Algolia. I'd like very much to go back there." Thsiunza glanced up at Agent Zollner. "Oh don't worry, I know you can't tell me these things. Just an idle wish, please, carry on."

"You will be transferred tomorrow morning by van, there will be multiple stages to the transit." Your escorts will be a mixture of CSA agents and CPB officers, but they will all be in CPB uniforms for this operation. Don't trust anyone not wearing one."

"A wise precaution, Agent Zollner, but surely if SIO agents compromise your operation, they will also be wearing CPB uniforms."

"I guess you're right again. Anyway, we just need you to have a basic familiarity with the plan before we enact it."

"As you say, I do not need to know all the details."

"Exactly. I will be present as part of your escort from your cell to the van, along with Captain Ruoho. We thought you might find that appropriate."

"Very much so, Agent. I would be glad to see him one last time. Hopefully we will arrive before match time. I think I would like to watch."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In other cells in the same facility, several other members of Tshiunza's team sat, waiting for their fates to be decided. One in particular was waiting for something else entirely. Anatoliy Sorokin, who had briefly posed as phoney photographer Aatu Perchkov had been in this cell for a very long time. He had not spoken to anyone the entire time he had been there, and it had not taken long before they stopped bothering to speak to him. Sorokin didn't bother to look up as the slot on his cell door slid open, but what the man standing beyond said caught his attention instantly.

"Authorization: thorn, one, six, epsilon, five, nine. Operative Sorokin, you have a new mission. Be ready to move at dawn tomorrow. You will receive further instructions then."

"Acknowledged."

[Sargossa]

SSM | Sargossan State Media
International Edition - Sport



Slipped Away


Blanco Borrayo reports;

Historically Sargossan national sides have been uncomfortable with the tag of favourites. Of the three previous campaigns in which the Corsairs have been plucked from pot one they have qualified for the Finals just once. And even that once was by the skin of their collective teeth, a single point ahead of a plucky young nation known as Nephara. Keep an eye on them, they’re destined for big things. So there was something grimly inevitable about another failure here. Ever since the desperate home defeat to unranked Sangti, that derailed the momentum of five straight victories to start this campaign, the writing had been increasingly on the wall. Until finally, in the rain of Soute the qualification spot officially drifted out of reach.

The details at this stage are faintly irrelevant. Needless to say that Rodrigo Defederico’s side huffed and puffed but couldn’t kill off Walenty Jez’s well drilled, well organised outfit. The two banks of four worked in perfect unison, forged in the heat of the Baptism Of Fire, and held out against the waves of darker blue that broke against them like surf against the cliffs. So the side ranked just outside the sportiverse’s top twenty failed to defeat the side ranked just outside its top two hundred and the World Cup place vanished into the ether. For over in Tentai Kita-Hinode rolled over hopeless Raffiah and established a five point lead at the top, with just three points left to play for.

And the draw in Soute, coupled with a Main Nation Ministry victory at home to Altai Almas, means that the Corsairs may not even have the consolation of a place in the playoffs. There’s just a single point between the nations in second and third, with just one fixture left to play. Sargossa host The Alpine Union, who are ending the campaign strongly. Meanwhile the Main Nation Ministry travel to Siovanija and Teusland, who aren’t. The likelihood now is that Sargossa will need a victory in that final match to avoid the ignominy of finishing third. A galling prospect given that the Corsairs are the group’s top scorers, have the best defensive record and are unbeaten against both the nation that has pipped them to the post and the one that could yet wrest the playoff place from them.

So it’s to Goza for a single game shootout against The Alpine Union. The previous fixture between the nations ended in a 2 – 2 stalemate. A repeat of that result would probably prove catastrophic to the Sargossa’s world cup hopes, its world ranking and would be a kick right to the ego. So avoiding that would be delightful.

Group 14                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Kita-Hinode                      17   12   4   1    44   25  +19    40
 2 Sargossa                         17   10   5   2    47   21  +26    35
 3 Main Nation Ministry             17   10   4   3    44   25  +19    34
 4 Alpine Union                     17    9   4   4    34   25   +9    31
 5 Siovanija and Teusland           17    9   2   6    42   30  +12    29
 6 Soute                            17    6   4   7    23   23    0    22
 7 Sangti                           17    5   5   7    21   36  −15    20
 8 Thibaea                          17    4   4   9    36   43   −7    16
 9 Altai Almas                      17    3   1  13    20   44  −24    10
10 Raffiah                          17    0   1  16    10   49  −39     1

[Kita-Hinode]

HINODEJIN FOOTBALL
Satomi's Poltergeists guaranteed on the World Cup
Building upon repats from Sunrise, new faces and a revived Sang Kyung-Ja, Hinodejin football returns to the World Cup
TENTAI CITY - Before the match against Raffiah, much had to be defined in Group 14's ways towards the World Cup, both Siovania and Teusland and the Alpine Union fighting to stay alive, though depending on results of both Sargossa and the Main Nation Ministry so that it wasn't just an exercise in futility in the end. Above all those, remained the Hinodejin Empire, whose form improved exponentially after the team had been denied in heartbreaking fashion a chance at the previous World Cup. Once again, with the Empress at the helm, the Empire's job wasn't exactly hard, only requiring a win over the group's bottom nation (and currently under revolt, a fate sadly not quite rare among this Cup's qualifier competitors with at least seven nations confirmed to be under turmoil) Raffiah to make what they expected before the start of the qualifiers to truly happen, a guaranteed spot among the thirty-two teams of the World Cup.

Knowing that the game wasn't exactly high in priorities, although it'd be wise to try and nail it as soon as possible, Empress Satomi II chose to field a squad mixed with expected starters and bench members getting opportunities to claim starter-dom at international games. Sato Nagatomo took to the field for the first time as a starting keeper, with the belief that the low-scoring Raffiah offensive powers wouldn't put up a fight. The back three had Juri Kisame, who has been battling out for the right-back slot over reigning KiHi-League champions' starter right-back Taki Musashino; Kamalani Kanani at her less usual position of center-back, giving rest for both de Charlot and a surprisingly decent Tsarakishiyane, a Mido-Hinode alumni that more or less came to professional football via joining recently promoted Hwoarang Seidoshi and at the left-back, the somewhat uneventful but solid Kireshimono. Matsumura shockingly was chosen as the defensive midfielder, over the fairly effective Motoko Kusanagi and the sympathetic and really effective Mutsumi Otohime; opening the field for another former Mido-Hinode attendée in Ami Fukui, who gets to play center midfielder.

The sides of the middle-ground were taken at the right by Southern Sunrisian-born Sunshine Rayne, one of two names that finally reached Hinodejin citizenship after a couple of seasons where the somewhat experienced midfielder defended Miare CosmoStars and the often quirky Raiden Kojima, who made sure to keep his high vibration sword as far away as possible from the field, lest he repeated the incident that almost happened at Vilita during the season. Although many hoped that Sang Kyung-Ja would be making an appearance as a starter, possibly capping off her return to the football fields after a concussion showed signs of possibly endangering the future of her career only for the Kanshiro-born player to come back and win a title for her hometown club and serve as the true propeller of Hinodejin fortunes these qualifiers, Satomi chose to instead rely on the Rito known as Namikashisen, a stalwart of Hylian Ninfu. Both Suijin Minami, formerly at Buyan, now a star from Mashu Hellowenia and Iori Saitou, a man currently displaying his skills at Nephara after possibly sinking Wakaba Houndooms, got to get a nice and sweet view from the bench, while former Western Sunrisian Caipirinha and former Hinodejin regular Eurynomile Kyunishakuga, whom some might remember having briefly played at Dainer, only to reach a sort of resurgence for, of all teams, the usually strap-pocketed North Kazama United, started for the game.

Usually, games that serve as the climax of a rather auspicious return to form, having been somewhat ghost-like in the past qualifiers, should be all full of spectacle and just really good football. Alas, the game had to include the clearly revolted Raffiah folk, whom current federation was in shambles. Albeit the team didn't quite have the funds to properly include player names, a notable exception was one Hosho bin Sawari, a rather pissed-off center back that managed to get a red card and leave the game in a huff. Caipirinha, one of the team's two former Sunrisians, managed to get away with a rather straight shot to the goal to open up the score. Kojima, slightly more in a flair mood, managed to sneak through two defenders before finding the net, still in the first half. A third goal, scored once again by Caipirinha, would be ruled offside with the use of Snitch Hired In Tournament, a new technology applied by World Cup referees in order to guarantee fairness.

In the end, the Hinodejin Empire guaranteed a rather nice note in their long history, the official return to World Cup stardom now being in consideration.

[Kelssek]

Marxism and no-spanking law blamed for spread of DISGUSTING yoghurt container licking behaviour in national soccer team

A renowned incel has said that communist teachings are behind the shocking actions of Kelssek's national soccer players, more and more of whom have been caught licking the yoghurt off the foil wrappers after peeling them off the container.

After Tim Bowler was exposed for his disgusting habit last week, more footage and witnesses have come forward with evidence that Mason Curtin, Shaheen Taleb, Kai Poirier, and Blake McDonagh have all been licking their yoghurt containers too. An examination of the recycling bins in the Kelssek training camp revealed that up to nine squad members are potentially engaging in this reckless pattern.

Renowed psychologist Norman Jeterson, bestselling author of Twelve Rules for Rambling Anecdotes about Children Throwing Fits in Airports, said the licking of yoghurt foil lids is yet another sign of how a victim culture is leading the descent of modern society into chaos.

“Parenting has become worse and worse since we stopped spanking kids. In the past, this kind of thing would not have been tolerated. Instead we have an entire generation raised on moral relativism who cannot tell right from wrong. This licking stuff is only the beginning of the downfall of civilization.”

“Licking yoghurt lids is rewarded by serotonin, which in laboratory settings we extract from lobsters. When you are a lobster, it’s inevitable that social hierarchy will result. Nothing should be done about this because obedience to authority is simply a biological impulse.”

“We should simply give in to the capitalist patriarchy if we want order in our society. I wouldn't blame him because he's after all brainwashed into the victim mentality of the academic establishment, being subject to virtue signalling because biological determinism made him do it.”

When questioned about whether his comments were another example of the deep state, given that his income as a tenured professor at the University of Kirkenes derives primarily from public funding, Jeterson stormed out of the office. He later telephoned the newsroom and apologized for his actions, noting that his all-beef diet was causing “acute constipation side-effects.”

[Polkopia]

Peeto Gordost' is a club which plays in the Polkopian Premier League. At the end of the last season, the knights finished in 3rd place and continue to play in the top flight of Polkopian football for the upcoming season. The team currently plays in the city of Peeto, and their home ground is the Stadion Hanisovovichavoy, which seats up to 78,213 spectators.

History:

Peeto Gordost' was founded in 1930 and was the first club to be founded in Peeto and is currently Polkopia's most successful club to date. In its first two years, the club participated in the First Division, which was the predecessor to the Premier League. Peeto Gordost' won the 1931-32 First Division, and the league was disbanded the following year and reestablished the following year with 10 teams instead of four. Peeto Gordost' won only one league title between 1933 and 1942.

After 1946, when the Premier League returned after a brief hiatus, Peeto Gordost' would go on to start their most successful league campaigns to date, winning eight championships between 1946 and 1962. In this time, Peeto Gordost' overtook rival cub Peeto Korol' as the most popular club in Peeto, and Peeto Gordost's fanbase ended up being the reason for Torpedo Peeto's founding in the 1950's, for reasons similar to Mordovia FC being the reason for Olympik Restnov's founding in the same city. Throughout the 1960's, the club consistently finished in the top 3, but seldom won the title, winning only once in 1964

In the 1970's, Peeto Korol' and Torpedo Peeto saw periods of success, which in turn led to Peeto Gordost' suffering a massive decline in a fanbase and revenue. Although the club never experienced bankruptcy, the club was forced to sell some of its top players and cut back funding in its youth programs. It wasn't until the early 1980's where Peeto Gordost's results began to improve and its revenue began to increase.

In the 1990's, Peeto Gordost' won three titles and in 1999, became the official sponsor for the newly-released game, PFF, which was a PC-based game where players could play as any single player from the Polkopian Premier League and simulate their season. Eventually, their sponsorship was lost in 2006, but Peeto Gordost' became quickly recognized by any casual football fan within the nation.

In 2015, the club was disbanded, along with the other Polkopian clubs, due to a large-scale corruption scandal across the entirety of the PFA. The club was reestablished the following year and Peeto Gordost' participated in the 2017-18 Polkopian Premier League, finishing 3rd out of 16 teams.

Squad:

##       POS.        NAME.                                                   
#1       GK       Ilya Kustyev
#2       GK       Mario Fontana
#3       GK       Maksim Opsev
#24      DEF      Feofan Ferro 
#17      DEF      Rurik Orkachev
#56      DEF      Vanya Kuzić
#49      DEF      Yovan Kuković
#70      DEF      Dmitri Yerokhev
#28      DEF      Giovanni Nunev
#12      MID      Konstantin Velin
#44      MID      Sami Durma
#9       MID      Irakliy Živkov
#34      MID      Boris Yerovan
#6       MID      Denis Kutsyev
#11      MID      Mario Orchenko
#39      FWD      Vali Stavros
#20      FWD      Oleg Trenton
#15      FWD      Alexei Vanyasov
#41      FWD      Luca Kulisov

[Qusmo]

[Indusse]

Group 6
Semarland 2–1 Ceskaar
Tobria 0–2 Farfadillis
Aggrey-Fynn Land 2–1 Kelssek
Indusse 1–0 Tarper
Super-Llamaland 1–2 Santa Rafa

Group 6 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Farfadillis 17 14 1 2 44 13 +31 43
2 Indusse 17 12 2 3 36 22 +14 38
3 Super-Llamaland 17 11 2 4 46 23 +23 35
4 Semarland 17 9 3 5 36 20 +16 30
5 Santa Rafa 17 9 1 7 26 22 +4 28
6 Aggrey-Fynn Land 17 8 2 7 31 28 +3 26
7 Kelssek 17 7 3 7 32 33 −1 24
8 Tobria 17 3 1 13 21 45 −24 10
9 Tarper 17 2 2 13 8 34 −26 8
10 Ceskaar 17 1 1 15 7 47 −40 4

INDUSSE DEFEATS TARPER


indusse defeated tarper for 1-0 yesterday.the goal was scored by baskar. Indusse invites tarper to see indusse.


O lord you heard our prayers!!!!!

#FORCA INDUSSE
#FORCA FOOTBALL

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

The contingent from Darmen--President Tor Tong Lee, Foreign Minister David O'Donahaue and their other aides and security personnel--stepped off the plane at Belle Haven International Airport, and were greeted by Thomas Dixon, Foreign Minister; Lawrence Reid, Minister of Industry, Trade, & Commerce and Wesley Tanner, who was the Majority Leader in the Council of State, Baker Park's Upper House. Tanner was a last minute addition to represent the Prime Minister.

"President Lee, welcome to Baker Park. I'm Thomas Dixon, the Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, and I offer you the abject apologies of the Prime Minister, who was forced to remain behind in the city for an urgent meeting, but will be meeting you when we arrive at the hotel we have arranged for you to unwind and freshen up after your trip." Dixon introduced the others and then the parties loaded into the transportation and headed towards the city. Dixon and Tanner rode in the limousine with the President and O'Donahaue.

Lee asked about the Prime Minister's typical daily schedule. Dixon was happy to explain. "We are in the last few days of this period of sitting for legislative business, so there are a hundred things that need to be wrapped up--bills that need voted on, decisions about various committee work. You know, the unglamorous part of legislating. The legislative leader surprised her with this need to discuss things ahead of tomorrow's session so she really had no choice. She was not happy."

The President then moved the topic towards the game, and what the overall mood was. It was Tanner who picked up the narrative. "I'm sure you can imagine sir, there is quite a lot of excitement. We are a pretty sports-mad country but we have a bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to going up against teams from other nations. One of my colleagues in the Council mentioned that there were about five or six charter flights that came in from Darmen yesterday, and I'm sure others got in today."

The small talk the rest of way consisted of pointing out particular points of interest; once the motorcade had turned onto Central Avenue, the major north-south traffic artery on the south side of the river, they were waved through on the one lane that was cleared--it was a common routine that the Metro Police knew how to do with the least amount of disruption to traffic flow, which was already extremely heavy on this stretch of road.

"One of the biggest challenges we have from a civic engineering standpoint is how to improve transportation without just bulldozing everything and starting from scratch. This area is sort of the Holy Grail of that challenge."

The motorcade arrived at The Beaulieu, a high-end hotel designed in the Beaux-Arts style (similar to Belle Haven Station, the railroad terminus across the street from the hotel).

As promised, Rebecca Schoenlein arrived in another motorcade just behind the first one. She hustled out of the car she was in and was ready to welcome the President and his party just inside the lobby of the hotel.

"President Lee, welcome to our country, I am so sorry I wasn't able to meet you at the airport."
Lee was gracious and not offended. "Prime Minister, do not let that trouble you. Mr Dixon explained the situation, these things happen."

"I believe we arranged for 2 suites and 2 adjoining rooms for your party--we didn't want to assume you were planning on staying overnight, but we can make arrangements if you feel as though you wish to--along with a couple of rooms for our people. If you would like to have the staffs and hotel work out the details, we could have a brief chat in the lounge?"

The main participants retired to the comfort of the Soleil Room, one of Belle Haven's most upscale cocktail lounges, which was probably cutting into the bottom line dearly.

""So, Mr President, thank you for accepting our invitation to the match tonight, and for allowing us to discuss a bit of business on the side. We understand the position you are in regarding your infrastructure, and the generous offers you've received for aid. We had to overhaul our entire infrastructure in the Commonwealth over a long period of time, and we almost collapsed our economy in the 1970's as a result. But we understand that there are a lot of influences in your decision making. We don't offer trade or mutual commercial opportunities because we look to get into the socio-political workings of Darmen, or any other nation. We have a good commercial relationship with the Kingdom of Banija, and some might say, what are they getting out of it? When they get to a place where they are prepared to export goods or services, we will provide them a market. And all we are asking from you, is the opportunity to present some potential two-way trade between us?"

(to be continued...)

[Main Nation Ministry]

Being Inhuman

After The Leader gotten his card from the Machine of Death, he immediately had Tim Peridot executed and the Machine itself stored within the "northwest" as he uses as a term to store "artifacts". He started to have all of the news outlets and propaganda spread stories of the Machine of Death releasing false death predictions to citizens. While most people who were already brainwashed in the nation believed it, the ones who didn't accepted the information anyways, seeing it as a way to lie to each themselves happy. Now the Ministry of Science was now focusing on better opportunities as one would say, such as contagious word phrase diseases, testing if vampires are actually real, and forcing impossible choices on random test subjects.

"Alright, all you have to do is push this button in front of you to get a large amount of 100,000 chips."
"And what else happens?" the test subject asked.
To the scientist's glee, they refuse to tell them the negative consequences of the button.

Meanwhile, in several rooms that lead to the office of the Leader, General Emmanuel Jones has appeared to inform him about the football team of Main Nation Ministry attempted to get to the finals against Sargossa. However, several guards had prevented him from entering his office. "I'm terribly sorry, but the Leader cannot accept visitors at any time." a guard informs him.
"What? Why? I need to send him important intel about the World Bowl!"
"Terribly sorry. We will have the intel sent to him. The Leader is in a bit of a stressful mood where he can't accept visitors in person."
"What could he-" Jones wanted to think why the Leader was suddenly acting like this, since both of them didn't have to worry about the machine, since the Leader had just gotten rid of it. Unless..

"You guys stay here. I'm going to send someone here tomorrow to straighten him out. I know her. The Leader wants her to die in every possible way imaginable and yet wants her to stay alive. That why this will work." Jones said, leaving the building.

[East Belzaria]

East Belzarian State Media managed to secure an interview with Lorn Monte prior to the final qualifying match against Penguinland.

What was life before the East Belzaria National Team?
"Well, I've played football all my life. I played on some local teams in Belzarian Command." he says "East Belzaria is a great country. I know people say that things we're bad because of our authoritarian ways. But the public transit is great, the law enforcement is the best in the Kriosian Belt, and overall when I walk the streets of Belzarian Command, I see home. I grew up playing football, and that's where I met Shad [Radclyffe] for the first time."

How did you meet Shad Radclyffe?
"Our two teams met in the Junior Belzarian Command Championship semi-final." Monte continues. "He was so perfect in passing the ball, to the point where our side went 1-0 behind very early. But then, I was subbed into the game at halftime and we came back to win 4-2. I think I may have scored 3 goals. After the game, he came up to me and asked 'You did a great job. Why were you on the bench?' I was caught off guard by this question because it seemed to me that he had the better game. I praised him, and that summer we started to train together. The next year, Shad joined our team and our duo allowed us both to win the JBCC the next year."

How did you join the national team?
"One day, while at University, I was approached by the chairman who told me that I had an offer from the national team." he said "The chairman said: 'If you don't take this, you're expelled.' He was obviously joking, but he saw something in me and wanted me to further my potential"

What do you think of East Belzaria's progress?
"It's incredible" He says with certainty "I really didn't know what to expect. When we got to Garifunya for the first game, everyone was just happy to be there. After the Saltstead game though, we were lost, and didn't know what to do. We didn't see David [Madridson] for a bit. No one knew where he went. When we left for Kalactin, he wasn't even on the plane. Then, about 2 hours before kickoff. He showed up and said very simply 'I know I've been gone, but now I'm back, and now the negative additude is the thing that needs to be gone.' We've never looked back. It's been very positive, and we've had some great times together. We've now won 5 games in a row, and I think we would have had a shot at qualifyng if it weren't for how we started the campaign. But hey, we've done our country proud. That's all we ever wanted. Tommorow, I want to do that again, when we face Penguinland."

East Belzarian State media will report on the final match of qualifying, including an analysis of the Group 10 Finale, where a 3 way battle is going down between Saltstead, Garifunya and the Equestrian States.

[Adab]

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Bringing you the latest news and rumors in football, in Adab and abroad

---

Starblaydia 4-2 Adab
Rayyen (7'), Capodanno (20'), Di Bradini (34'), Mendez (89') | Uhwan (64' pen), Yargab (79')
Yellow card(s): Garkadrum (64')

NEWS | WORLD CUP
By: Elymur Amwan

Adab's World Cup dreams end, but they have acquitted themselves well

The Adabian national football team, ranked 260 in the multiverse, lost 4-2 to Starblaydia at the latter's Stadii Di Bradini. Although the country was in third place in Group 5 of the World Cup qualifiers, with 32 points to its name, this loss ended any chances it had of qualifying for the World Cup finals, being six points below second-placed Audioslavia and ten below Starblaydia with one match remaining on the schedule.

Nevertheless, though the Adabian team will not be present for the World Cup proper, achieving third place in this formidable group was already a remarkable achievement in itself, especially considering that the Adab Football Association, the national team, and the entire league system had been dormant for ten years amid a massive government crackdown on corruption within Adabian football; the former two were only reactivated last year.

This achievement is even more incredible when the youth and inexperience of the Adabian players are factored in. They had been chosen through a nationwide trial and had no prior experience in professional football. The oldest of the players is 20. Their performance in this match, in which they were down 3-0 early in the match, is but the latest proof of their resilience and teamwork in the face of adversary.

Adab's previous encounter with the Starblaydis, a 1-3 loss at home at the Adab City Stadium, was marred with incendiary comments by Adabian assistant manager Inimabakesh Thulus - which eventually earned him an expulsion to the stands - and four yellow cards, three of which came from the Adabian side. Manager Saad Kaykali was not present there, dealing with "family business".

Before this match, the visiting Adabians had set out to convince the Starblaydis - and the entire footballing world - that the farce of the previous match would not be repeated. Most notably, Kaykali had ordered Thulus to stay home and await "further news" from the Football Association, which is currently considering handing down sanctions on the assistant manager. Kaykali also held a press conference in Adab City in which he assured the press that "we will play fairly, and only fairly, and that's the way we have always played."

Even his detractors must agree that Kaykali delivered on his promise; this match was generally peaceful and commentators agreed that both sides displayed fair play and largely conducted themselves in a sportsmanlike fashion for the entire duration of the match. Most notably, the stadium erupted in cheers before the start of the match as Kaykali shook hands with Starblaydi manager Ázëwyn Fëanáro and assistant manager Jerzy Makuszewski.

The Starblaydis opened the match with the ball and they clearly did not throw away this advantage, summoning their superior skill and speed to outmaneuver the Adabian players and break into the latter's defense, which uncharacteristically broke down so early in the match. With the defenders distracted by Aaron Cole, the ball soon passed to Mezna Rayyen, who deftly worked her way past Eannatum al-Tikriti and Shamsidad Nahmoud before blasting the ball into the back of the net. It was only seven minutes into the match.

Things did not become better for the Adabians, as the Starblaydi players continued their attack, intent on wearing them down early in the match. The defenders were the most severely affected by this, as they spent the first twenty minutes of the match negotiating wave after wave of Starblaydi attacks - some of which seriously endangered the net - with the midfielders, whose line had been breached, forced to come to their aid.

The Adabians attempted to close down the space in which the Starblaydis were able to operate, but could not match their speed and hold on to the ball for long, let alone launch a viable counterattack. The defense and midfield seemed to once again solidify, only to be once again ripped apart under constant Starblaydi pressure around the 20th minute. The Starblaydis, led by captain Marcello Di Bradini, proceeded to ride roughshod over their young opponents, and Di Bradini produced a powerful cross which landed the ball before Viola Capodanno; she then blasted the ball past Adabian goalkeeper Mohammed Marramzi and into the net.

The score was now 2-0 in favor of the Starblaydis, and the match seemed all but over for their opponents. The home side's dominance was further reinforced in the 34th minute as Di Bradini, with the help of his cohorts, overpowered the Adabian defenders and calmly delivered the ball into the Adabian goal with a long shot from just outside the penalty area.

From the dugout, Kaykali was heard encouraging his players to "push on"; he must have known as well as the players that their World Cup journey was coming to an end, but was determined to go down in the best way possible. The Starblaydis, flush with confidence, pulled Cole out in the 40th minute, replacing him with 20-year-old Elianora Mendez. This, in fact, was Mendez's debut for the senior team; she had made one appearance for the Starblaydi U21 team.

There was no indication that Adab would turn things around in the second half; down three goals to nil, it seemed that the youngsters had done more than enough, but the road had to end here. Yet they would not go down without a fight.

The Adabians began the second half with the ball, and though for a moment it was wrested away from them, they soon regained it and took advantage of this opportunity as best as they could. Perhaps refreshed by the halftime rest, the Adabians, spearheaded by forward Enlilbani Yargab, now found themselves launching concerted and coordinated counterattacks on the Starblaydi side, inching closer and closer to their goal, with the fluidity of their formation allowing freedom of movement and making it easier for them to cancel out the inevitable Starblaydi assaults.

Kaykali continued shouting instructions from the dugout and urged them to continue moving forward; the team clearly listened to him, and the Starblaydis began to buckle under constant Adabian pressure.

Matters briefly became complicated in the 64th minute; delivering the ball into the penalty area, Yargab was apparently tackled by Dorn Garkadrum and fell, nearly crushing the latter in the process. Though initially there was some confusion as to whether Yargab was indeed tackled by Garkadrum or - as the Starblaydis insisted - he merely failed to notice the dwarf and stumbled, Garkadrum was eventually given the yellow card and the Adabians were awarded a penalty, the only stain on what was otherwise a clean match.

Adanirari Uhwan was chosen to take the penalty. He skillfully feigned a shot to the left, only to blast the ball into the top right corner of the net, with Starblaydi keeper Martin Bennet unable to respond in time.

This goal further energized the Adabians, and though they knew that the odds were against them, they were determined to do the best with whatever resources were available to them. Starblaydia, for its part, tightened their defense, clearly not wanting the Adabians to score any more goals. Yargab, the squad's most prolific scorer, continued leading incursions deep into the Starblaydi side of the pitch, assisted by Uhwan and Shamsuiluna Zambiya. His efforts bore fruit in the 79th minute, as the young forward converted an assist from Zambiya into a masterful bicycle kick which sent the ball flying above Bennet and straight into the net, perhaps the best moment of the match for the Adabians.

With the score now 3-2, the Starblaydis suddenly found themselves up by just one goal. As for Adab, the players now saw the possibility of at least equalizing lying open before them. While their chances of qualifying for the finals remained slim, manager Kaykali loudly urged his players to "attack, attack, attack', hoping to put at least one more goal past the Starblaydi keeper.

Yet the Adabians failed to mount another successful attack, and an incursion into the Starblaydia defense in the 89th minute was met with a strong response, with Esposito taking the ball down the pitch and away from the Adabians. He passed the ball to Di Bradini, who then made a dash for the Adabian goal, with the Adabian defenders unable to keep pace with him. With the goal nearly defenseless in front of him, Di Bradini passed the ball to none other than the debutant Elianora Mendez, who calmly shot the ball into the net - her first goal for the senior team - to the cheers of the nearly two hundred thousand spectators gathered at the stadium. Adab's World Cup dream was over.

What happens next?

While it is now impossible for Adab to qualify for the World Cup finals, the country still has one remaining match to play in Group 5, against unranked Andwell. Andwell sits at the bottom of the group with six points, having failed to win a single match and lost eleven times, and Adab is overwhelmingly favored to come out of the match with a victory.

But what happens next for the Adabian team which had defied all expectations and, indeed, came close to clinching a spot in the World Cup? The Football Association is still formulating plans for the reactivation of the league system, which was laid low by the beginning of the corruption crackdown in 2008 and is still inactive today. And of course there have been whispers about an invitation to the Cup of Harmony.

Kaykali brushed off all questions regarding the team's future at the post-match press conference, where he appeared with coaches Yitzhak Bennett and Faisal ar-Rashid. Instead he took the time to pay tribute to the players and staff. "To know that we have made it this far, to place third in a group which includes nations such as Starblaydia and Audioslavia, it is a very remarkable achievement," he said. "So many people in our own country wrote us off before we even played our first match, and yet we went out here and we did our best."

The Adabian manager continued, "We broke into the quarterfinals of the Independents Cup last year, and now we're able to hold our own against more experienced and formidable teams. We did this with probably one of the youngest and most inexperienced teams in the multiverse. The oldest player in this squad is 20. They're all either 18, 19, or 20. You could say that a few were still teenagers, and the others were just entering young adulthood.

"They had never played in a professional football league before, because it was frozen by the government, and we found them through a nationwide trial event. One of the players dropped out of school and opted for homeschooling so that he could better chase his footballing dreams. Once they were young and green. Today they are still young, but no longer green. The experience has shaped them and made them into better men.

"And of course none of this would have happened without the help of our staff, all members of the staff. They have helped the players so much and I'm sure they will continue to do so."

Bennett stated that, although the team did not qualify for the World Cup, they would still "see the positive side" of their Group 5 experience and continue to work to improve themselves in the future. "I think we will draw inspiration from this journey, because it shows that nothing is impossible when you put your heart and mind to it," he said. "We will work harder and improve ourselves in the future and implement all the things that we have learned in our training. We will be back in the next World Cup better and stronger than ever."

Finally, ar-Rashid paid tribute to the country's opponent. "Starblaydia, of course, is one of the best teams in the world and we are privileged to have been able to play against them. A very impressive team. I think they deserve to win the whole thing, and if they do then I will be happy for them."

See also:
Do you think Adab's World Cup qualification effort has been a success?
FA President: We are still considering all feasible options for Thulus
Poll: What are your favorite football formations?

[Mattijana]

Dear Mr Jakob Jutkiewicz

I went to summon you from the office, but then I realised I had suspended you, so I had to write this letter instead. This took up much of my important time, so read it very carefully.

As you are now aware, you are about to visit the people of South Covello in order to convince them that the Mattijanan government actually likes them. I've spoken to the rest of the big department cheeses and we have now arranged the details of your visit.

You have been assigned a ticket on the 09:40 flight to Freedom City, the capital of South Covello. Ensure you arrive at the airport at least two hours prior to this in order to check in, drop off your luggage and go through security.

You will be travelling with Mrs Marina Kovac, the director-general of the TujineBuro. You will meet her in the airport restaurant at 08:30. Do not in any circumstances be late. From here you will travel to your gate, which should be assigned by your arrival time.

Whilst arrangements in Freedom City are yet to be fully cleared up, we are hopeful of some representatives from the South Covello foreign office meeting you at the airport to take you to your accommodation. We have reserved two single rooms at a hotel in the centre of Freedom City for you and Mrs Kovac when you get there. As an additional sanction, you miss the Mattijana Acronius match that will seal our fate this qualifying cycle, so tough luck on that. You'll probably have to sit through South Covello grind out another 1-0 win, but don't tell anyone I said that.

It is important that you maintain the upmost respect for the country you are visiting. The last thing we need right now is for some junior travel writer to cause even more offense than he's already caused. Remember who and what you are representing during your stay. Also remember that you are skating on ice thinner than an alpine lake in late spring.

Good luck. Don't cock it up.

Marko Østergaard, Director of Foreign Advice, TujineBuro Mattijanska.

---

Jakob Jutkiewicz was rather late.

Caught out by unusually heavy rushhour traffic around Petrovijanka, he had eventually reached terminal 2 of Petrovijanka International Airport by 8:15, dropped off his suitcase and negotiated his way through an annoyingly long security queue. By the time one of the guards had given him a thorough pat down after a metal detector was set off by what Jakob could only assume was the zip on his trousers, it was already 8:50 and despite the fact he still had a solid amount of time to go the short distance to the gate, he was 20 minutes late to meet Marina. Considering his letter from Østergaard had said not to be late in any circumstances, this was definitely a bad thing.

Dashing across the departure lounge and up the stairs to the restaurant, Jakob spied a middle-aged woman with short, greying hair at a distant table, surrounded by three men in dark suits with briefcases. Dark-suited men with briefcases were usually a sign someone important from the government was in the area. He took a deep breath and walked over.

"Ah Jakob."

Jakob stopped in his tracks. He turned to find a stern-looking woman at a nearby table gazing up at him. Like the other lady, her hair was short and she was middle-aged, but this time it was blond in colour.

"I'm Marina Kovac, Director-General of the TujineBuro. You're 20 minutes late."

"Ah yes. I'm sorry, the traffic getting out of Petrovijanka was awful.."

Marina interjected.

"You should have left earlier then. 20 seconds I can just about excuse, 20 minutes is diabolical. Shame really, the coffee here is excellent, you've missed out. You thought I was the woman over there didn't you?"

"Um...yes" replied Jakob, hoping Marina knew who the suit-surrounded lady was.

"Of course you did. Don't know who she thinks she is, probably some self-obsessed businesswoman. We need to head to the gate."

Marina got up, picking up a small cabin bag as she went and stepped back down to the departure lounge. Jakob had been in too much of a rush to check the board showing all the flights leaving Petrovijanka that morning on his way over, so took a glance upwards as he passed. Marina seemed to already know where she was going as she strode straight past it.

Destination            Airline       Time    Gate   Status

 Freedom City   Air Petrovi   09:40    14    On Time

Gate 14. Damnit. That was a short walk from the departure lounge. That meant more time sitting around in awkward silence with a woman who was clearly the boss with no people in dark suits to break it up with mundane messages about emails and security.

At least it was on time.

[Tinhampton]

Forays of Folly
Season 1, Interlude: Food for Thought

---

Some twelve hours earlier, the entire Tinhamptonian contingent had individually awoken from their slumbers at a hotel somewhere in Concord Heights, the capital city of the enemies that were set to host them in the evening. By seven-thirty, when barely any of the other essentials had been concluded nor even initially dealt with in the first place, actual Miners skipper Michael Young would lead the team for the first - but not the last - time that day, into their team breakfast.
"Now, if you stare down into your bowls," commanded Young not long after they had been handed out, "you will see two Blox'O'Wheat dolloped with a generous helping of milk. Multiply that by 23 players and the gaffer and we have 48 of the stuff you need to eat by quarter past eight. After what Julia's shown me about... let's just say the whole Octinstine incident, you just can't trust what they serve over here. Is it even here in the first place? Who knows?"
"Which one?" requested Salt, who had barely felt thankful at the fare of fibre that was offered to her. "Is it the one where Cassadaigua lost to them after a bout of food poisoning that took out half of their starting lineup, or the one where we defeated them after all of their starting lineup was replaced by a bunch of schoolkids that we barely defeated by two goals to zilch?"
"The first one," replied the captain, "not that you'll be able to differentiate so early in the morning. Didn't make a difference anyway, we would have still needed to win this game. Which, to be fair, I want everybody on this team to contribute to. Even if you're a substitute, you still have a duty to help our team win."
Although Atherton was still intent on being her usual boisterous self - you should just look at North and Elliott during most such Retinue meetings - she was still reluctant to do so. That being said, she did whip out a table she had extracted from another newspaper - this time, the Herald:

THE CURRENT GROUP 16 TABLE:

.
AS IT CURRENTLY STANDS
.

Group 16            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brenecia          17   14   2   1    35    6  +29    44
 2 Cassadaigua       17   13   1   3    45   19  +26    40
 3 TINHAMPTON        17   13   1   3    26    7  +19    40

*Tinhampton trails Cassadaigua on head-to-head record

IF RIORDAN HAD NEVER SCORED
AGAINST AL-MUMTAZ AND EVANS HAD
DONE SO AGAINST CASSADAIGUA

Group 16            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Brenecia          17   13   3   1    34    6  +28    42
 2 TINHAMPTON        17   14   0   3    27    7  +20    42
 3 Cassadaigua       17   13   0   4    45   20  +25    39

*Tinhampton trails Brenecia on head-to-head record

Whilst this was going on, a mysterious visitor wondered: "Duties, pray tell, such as...?"
"You make a good point there, actually," declared North astutely. "There is a big, big difference between deontological and utilitarian points of view, especially in terms of applied football. Is it necessarily better to have a team play always to conduct certain series of actions in an attempt to win whatever match is coming up, or to achieve the greatest happiness to the greatest number of... supporters even if it means failing to win anything of note? Well, in the modern environment, the former approach is not just advisable, but---"
"QUIT YAPPIN' ABOUT YOUR PHILOSOPISING!", hailed the same unknown voice from the same corner of the room.
"Philosophy? Sounds interesting," noticed Jones. "I'd like to ask you now - what is this team's material cause?"
"Twenty-three good-for-nothing Sunday league footballers," piped up Wright, ironically a Sunday league footballer when he wasn't in the national team, "who couldn't defend for toffee against those fucking Oscis!"
"No, twenty-three very dedicated footballers," hit back the ominously breakfast-free and otherwise newly-appointed backroom assistant Waterman, "who've thrown everything they possibly could have done into the qualifiers. Yes, we'll need to put in some more tonight, but the payoff could be very dramatic."
Rachel Coltfield pointed to herself. For some mysterious reason, a silence fell amongst the room.
"And as for our formal ca---"
"Make no mistake about it," quickly recognised national-team old-timer Cameron. "Always four defenders with some defensive midfielder of some description in the team. Yes, that might be a fast and loose description, but we have no time to waste!"
Jones concurred, supporting it with his observation that "I think it must have been five minutes since our breakfast allegedly started something like that. Now, what is our efficient cause, more importantly, or how exactly did this team become what it is today? I might have been a proper lad, but I couldn't have possibly done all of this on my own!"
Vatunska was quick off the mark to claim that "Yes, sir, I think it was my sweeping that doing it."
"Somebody's firing as manager" - said Evans, whilst pointing to Coltfield - "or perhaps Clive Turnbull after the Oscioru horror show."
"We lost to a TV channel," bemoaned Ford, "and now we're up against some of the best countries in the multiverse. How did we get there? Because of our horrendous record against certain other teams ranked much lower than us, of course! If we didn't improve that, we'd be fourth or fifth in the table and well out of contention!"
"And what is our final cause?" asked the former captain again. "What exactly is our end to our means, the ultimate goal that we must reach?"
"Isn't it getting closer to this horribly egotistical Prime Mover bloke?" guessed Valley, with what was not so much a tinge as a lashing of doubt.
"Qualify for the World Cup first," informed Graham, "and only then can we talk about where we want to go next. This discussion will always be taking place, no matter who happens to be gathered around this table - I reckon even the government are talking about it right now, when they're not babbing on about Johnny Boy."
"To win the dammit thing, of course!" reverberated Atherton.
"Now, I think," further noted the naturalised Gladom Newion ex-midfielder, "I agree with what Juli-ay has been---"
"You motherfucker, it's a schwa!*"
"Oh, what Mrs Goalkeeper Something's been saying about what we need to do is a good thing, very extremely good. I think we should give her a captaincy thingy whatever thingy, I think." Vatunska then started mowing down his first Blok'O'Wheat, not wishing to get entangled in the knots of another fiery debate, as if his opinion was the Unchallengeable Word of Margaret Herself.
"Leadership is a good thing, but it's one of many things," also pronounced Morris. "What else do we have? We have a furious desire for victory, we have an entire city behind us, we have a strong element of team spirit..." before being quick to point to a poster reading "OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT!"
"What, team spirit?" inquired Ball, who was far from the only person to spend more time enthralled in listening to the discussion than in eating his breakfast. "People are going to be asking where to find it! It's not an add-on to what happens when Brian Small or Julia - yes, I mean you, Athers, don't screw up again - screws up again, it is a necessary part of the team's being! If we are to take the example of us human beings - no, I mean just one of you..."
That victory was the only approach possible, to no surprise, left many in the Tinhamptonian camp left unconvinced - the Miners clearly had competitive and intellectual hunger (or what countless more established philosophers have referred to as a lower and higher pleasure respectively), which was even more obviously not being reflected in their digestive system. Young was also swift in leaving the breakfast party to fend for itself, all the while trying to work out what thirteen divided by forty-eight was as a percentage. A smidgen over 27%, since you asked so politely.
"I remain entirely unconvinced," leaped al-Khazr, "that any discussion of a mind-body distinction will necessarily have to involve some element of unintentional category mistake!"

*OOCly, with apologies to Audio

[Blaneu]

The Cape Chronicle

---

5 Lessons from Last Weeks Fixtures

1. Young pretenders look set in defense: The last two fixtures have seen Red Vernon and Justin Hollands, an experienced duo, shoved out from their position at the back and replaced with one of Sean MacDermot or Elliot Sketty. Despite losing this experience, and going from a back three to a back four, Blaneu have conceded only one goal over two tough fixtures. MacDermot was particularly impressive up against qualification chasing Mattijana, managing to hold off the opposition despite long spells of pressure from a team with far much more to play for. It is now looking increasingly likely that Snellbridge may well shuffle those at the back before a potential Cup of Harmony campaign, with Vernon and Hollands likely to miss out. It is yet unclear whether he will persist with just two at the back, or if he will instead shuffle back to three at the back for the cagey world of tournament football.
   
2. Still no solution upfront: Several re-shuffles have been seen on the front line since Blaneu clearly looked set not to qualify, and none of them have provided much enlightenment. In many ways John Hartson remains one of the strongest options, slow yet stately he has the intelligence and poise to unlock a defense. Elsewhere and Paul MacDaffyd failed to break a goal drought, despite being given a half of football against the Sherpa Empire, meanwhile John Pottinger seems to operate similarly to Hartson but with far less awareness of his surroundings. Gethin Powell probably looks the most likely long-term solution, but he has little to no physical presence and often fails to co-ordinate well with his team mates.
   
3. The Isthmus Arena is one hell of a venue: Blaneu had very little to play for against Mattijana, the only possible motivating factors being either pride or spite, but you'd be forgiven for not picking this up from the home fans. The Isthmus Arena produced a great atmosphere, with the crowd in good voice. This seemed to have the effect of geeing up Blaneu, who produced a tight, defensive display where they also occasionally managed to look dangerous pressing forward. The policy of the National Side touring the country, as opposed to having its own fixed stadium, drew criticism from some quarters before the campaign, but the variety of crowds and atmospheres surely has changed these cynics minds.
   
4. Dusan Vukoja, sore draw-er?: In an interview with MFO Sport, the Mattijanan put forward his belief that Blaneu were playing for the draw, most likely because "they knew we'd probably take them apart if they gave us the space". Such a statement from a manager of a far more prestigious side than Blaneu sound a little bitter. Many in the sports press in Blaneu have responded with retorts along the lines that you have to unpick the defense in front of you. Making statements like this will do little to provide Blaneuans with any sympathy with the Mattijanans if they do end up failing to qualify for World Cup 81, perhaps making that draw look fairly pivotal at the sharp end of the campaign.
   
5. But Snellbridge remains nonplussed: On the subject of Vukoja's remarks, Snellbridge had little to say other than "I think we defended very robustly, but with the game over my attention is fully on the fixture with Mytanija." Speaking of which, the squad has been announced, and it appears that Snellbridge will be handing out caps to players that are yet to feature, with Iain French and Glenn Peterson both earning starts. Beyond that the policy of trying out youth persists, with Powell and Pottinger upfront, Navarro and Apnest starting on the wings, Gwent and Starkey in the centre and Peterson, Sketty, Elron and French at the back.

[Saltstead]

stallion.stable.co.ha
All Saltsteadish! All football!

---

How badly do you want Gay Ware to be sacked?

Northwest Kalactin 2–2 Saltstead. Our World Cup dream is basically dead. The Stallions can no longer win automatic qualification and need to better Garifunya’s final result to seal a playoff spot. Given the gusto the Stallions have been dropping points with, that is not going to happen, so the only question that remains is how badly you want manager Gay Ware to be sacked.

The answers have been fascinating to say the least.

Can parliament legalise murder so the streets can run red with her blood?
— Aleksander Mathias, Weilenze

Let’s kick the party off with what is hands down the most disturbing answer.

Even if the Chamber of Deputies is in a murdery mood, our appointed upper house would certainly stifle the democratic will of the Saltsteadish people by doing everything in its power to prevent that from becoming law. Even the King, who is ex officio President of the Royal Saltsteadish Football Federation and (unlike his predecessors) a noted football fanatic, would not be crazy enough to promulgate legalised murder.

As a fantasy, however, we have to admit that it would be viscerally satisfying to see Ware dragged through the streets of Ashwell as our sacrificial lamb. Surely every nation on a trajectory towards ultimate success needs to have a scapegoat at one point or another. Just ask the Brenecians, who had been so used to failure that they suddenly failed to fail and won the World Cup. They had a manager or two they wanted to blast to the surface of the sun.

Our judgement: 10/10 would legalise managerial sacrifice :thumbsup:

Let’s send her back to SIS. If she does the same shit there as she does with the national team, Cherrygrove have the Gold Division locked up for the next four decades.
— Lucas Halsbad, Cherrygrove

Sneaky. Very sneaky.

Eww…

The partisan gall on display here is wonderfully inspiring, even more than the hackneyed suggestions to have Ware lead [insert political party respondent doesn’t like here]. It appeases two nations with one stone: Saltsteaders will be happy to see Ware’s back and Cenians will be thrilled to see Skiff-in-Strasse Footballsclub capsize to the depths of the Bronze Division. I mean, why would you have an octagon on your club crest? What kind of Satanic witchcraft is that? This isn’t a mixed-martial arts club.

Oh, we have just been informed that the octagon is supposed to represent a stop sign.

Forget we ever said any of this.

Our judgement: 7.8/10 too much boat in street :thumbsdown:

How many campaigns has she run? Can’t we give her one more chance to be actually competent?
— Lena Steinhall, Applewald

Let’s cut the eminently reasonable act out, please. This is supposed to be a time for seething anger and rage, not rational thought.

This is Ware’s first qualifying campaign and all managers need to be put through trial by fire. If a manager cannot achieve at the first time of asking, then they must be catapulted across the border and left to their fate with the Kryosi. We put up with Jan-Peter Wietdal’s shit because he brought us a trophy the first time we threw him to the sharks—and we got to be the first team in more than half a century to win the Baptism of Fire despite losing our opening game, so bonus points.

But losing is otherwise unacceptable. We are currently being informed that victory for one team necessarily implies defeat for the other in a zero-sum game such as football, but dammit, we don’t care. More blood for the blood god!

Our judgement: -10/10 no chance :thumbsdown:

Maybe Garifunya might actually lose, so maybe we actually have a chance.
— Pier Jong, Port Michael

That’s a good joke.

Wait, you’re serious. Can we get whatever you’re smoking, because it must be good.

Our judgement: ∞/10 thanks for hooking us up with your dealer :thumbsup:

.... Saltstead predicted starting XI: Julian Lyksdal; Otto Frederickssen, Natalia Henriksson, Emmet le Duc, Camillė Dalman, Ann-Elisabeth Smid; Ann-Marine Crabshaas, Johanna Mårits, Martin Wissen, Martin Moss; Carle de Marcht
.... Sorrentopia predicted starting XI: Anastasio Neil; Willy Pocock, Lowell Ughi, Zeph Tasker; Dom Piper, Pearce Dale; Donato Bent, Aureliano Agnusdei; Roly St. John, Braith Maddison, Herb May
— Aleksander Mathiassen from Gold Coast, Northwest Kalactin

---

[Squornshelan Remnant States]

The morning they came to get her, everything went completely smoothly. Agent Zollner and Captian Ruoho, flanked by two other CPB officers appeared outside her cell at 8:15 am precisely. The halls they led her through were completely deserted, except for other men in CPB uniform, standing silent and watchful at checkpoints along the way to the garage. Their footsteps echoed as they walked, not quite in unison, with the four escorts forming a box around her. They did not speak, and Tshiunza somehow felt afraid to break the silence.

It almost feels as if I am being taken out to the gallows.

They turned a final corner and emerged through the double doors into the garage, which, amazingly, had also been emptied. Everything extraneous, all vehicles and equipment had been carted off to who knew where, leaving absolutely nothing for any possible assailant to hide behind. The only thing remaining was an unmarked, armored police van, that was nonetheless very conspicuously a police vehicle. It was not what Tshiunza would have chosen as her transport, but she supposed it would serve. Doubtless there would be less obvious vehicles used later in her journey, but for the moment, her hosts seemed to prefer the safety of a rolling fortress to that of anonymity.

Around the vehicle stood three more officers, these ones in full riot gear. One stood by each door; it seemed two would ride up front, and one in back with her. Tshiunza and her escorts crossed the empty garage and the man at the back of the van opened the rear door and stood to the side, gesturing that she should climb in. She stepped up, steadying herself against the doorframe and turned to face her escorts.

"Thank you Captain, Agent. Goodbye."

Ruoho replied, "Good luck," while Zollner only nodded curtly. Then she was inside and her guardian was latching the door shut and seating himself in one of the seats opposite her. Silence reigned once again, but only for a moment, as she heard the dull thuds of the driver and passenger doors shutting, and the rumble of the van starting up. They eased out and turned on to the street. She instinctively began to count turns. The ability to build a mental map of a journey taken in a windowless cabin had come in useful more than once in her long career. Old habits die hard I suppose.

A movement opposite her drew her attention as the officer reached up to scratch at his balaclava-clad head. As she watched in mounting horror, he pulled it off and dropped it to the floor. Cold grey eyes stared at her as a shock of recognition ran through her. I should never have gotten my hopes up. Who did I think I was, thinking I could outwit State Intelligence. Ah well, they'd have probably killed me anyway. After barely a fraction of a second of racing thoughts, she regained her composure.

"Hello Anatoliy."

"Goodbye Tshiunza."

[Darmen]

Tor Tong Lee tried to remain as engaged in the conversation as he could. He wasn't sure whether the look of interest he was mustering in his face was good enough to make the others in the room believe he was actually interested. He actually wasn't sure what a stereotypical 'interested' facial expression even looked light. Quickly glancing at a nearby mirror, Lee sputtered and coughed when he realized he was actually making a fish face. That wasn't something Heads of State did, was it?

Donald O'Donahaue was carrying the flag for Darmen, marching valiantly through the conversation, boldly declaring the importance of bilateral trade agreements and modern infrastructure. He had held a captive audience for the better part of half an hour, but had accomplished little in formulating an actual trade agreement. So far the leaders had only agreed that JSB Heavy Machinery Company, Ltd., which manufactured large construction equipment that the Darmenis would need to complete their infrastructure projects, was to be allowed to import its machinery into Darmen without having to pay the normal 2% tariff that Darmen normally levied on imported goods.

Eventually, as time approached for the All Greens vs. Bees match to kickoff, the officials left the Beaulieu hotel for Keller Field. The Darmenis would return to the hotel later that night, having accepted an offer to stay the night. The President of the Republic and his Foreign Affairs Secretary would return to Darmen early in the morning following a light breakfast.

The conversation about trade continued in the executive box, O'Donahaue and Rebecca Schoenlein, Baker Park's Prime Minister feverishly exchanged their ideas and views on the matter. The junior officials of the host nation would also occasionally chime in on the conversation. But Lee, being a lover of football, was completely detached from the situation. If anyone in the media had been paying attention, the fact that it was O'Donahaue and Schoenlein sitting next to each other with Lee several seats away would have been enough to cause sensational headlines about a breech in diplomatic protocol.

O'Donahaue and Schoenlein paused their conversation only long enough to allow the national anthems to be played. Even when Evan Ashcroft scored for Baker Park in the 15th minute, Schoenlein continued conversing with O'Donahaue as she clapped in appreciation of the goal she hadn't seen. Further down the row of seats, Lee let out a heavy sigh, wondering simultaneously how the Darmeni defenders could play so softly and how a conversation about trade could be so enthralling. Things remained much the same when Hafiz Igiekhume had the ball glance off his head and into the goal on a corner to give Baker Park a two to nothing lead. Lee stood up and begin to walk towards the exit.

O'Donahaue had thought this was coming and reacted quickly, "Mr. President, I implore you to stay. Madame Schoenlein and I are getting very close to agreeing in principle on the trade deal we came here to negotiate. I'd like you to hear the details."

"O'Donahaue, I assure you, I'm only going..." Lee paused, unsure of how to continue. He truly did need to pee, but wasn't sure how to announce such things in the presence of foreign dignitaries - no one had briefed him on what to say in the event he needed to. "...to use the restroom."

O'Donahaue misjudged the President's trepidatious statement to be the lie he had expected to hear, just like when he had told the Sargossan President that he was ill. "No, Mr. President, I insist you stay, it will only take a moment."

"Fine," said Lee, returning to his seat. O'Donahaue and Schoenlein returned to their discussion, the fact that Lee was still not involved in the talks seemed not to occur to Schoenlein. A few moments later Lee stood up again. This time his demeanor was slightly different, he seemed rather upset. His left pant leg was also darker than his right, something which hadn't been so earlier. Addressing O'Donahaue indignantly, Lee watched as a look of shock crossed his Foreign Secretary's face, "While it would appear that I no longer need to use the restroom for the same purpose as I did earlier, I shall be going there nonetheless.” Lee stormed out, not waiting for a reply.

O’Donahaue, still shocked, could only turn to the Prime Minister and offer his apologies on behalf of the entire Republic. “He is 55 you know,” seemed to get a chuckle out of Schoenlein.

Unfortunately for O’Donahaue, the incident had made him forget all about what he had originally been worried about and attempting to prevent from happening.

Unfortunately for Lee, he got lost on his way to the restroom and ended up in the visiting team’s dressing room. He was waiting for the players when they entered at half time. After giving a speech that would make his addresses to Parliament look like the work of a fourth grade forensics competitor, he entered the field of play and took up his traditional spot in midfield. Murmurs spread through the 56,500 attendees at Keller Park like wildfire, culminating in a loud roar when the Darmeni fans noticed their leader on the field.

In the executive box, Donald O’Donahaue let out a loud moan which caused Schoenlein to recoil in shock. O’Donahaue was once again forced to apologize on behalf of the entire Republic.

On the field, Lee made an impact immediately upon touching the ball for the first time, smashing the ball towards goal... from forty-two yards out. He missed wildly, but smiled anyways. He was finally in his comfort zone after spending a day discussing, or more correctly not discussing, matters of state with foreign officials. He was free.

Perhaps Lee was too free, as he failed to make much of a positive impact on the match for the All Greens. When the referee blew his whistle for the final time, the score was still two to nothing and Darmen was relegated to qualifying for the World Cup via a playoff.

At least Darmen was getting a trade agreement out of the trip.

[Nephara]

Greater Libertania 0 - 1 Nephara
(4-2-3-1) 20 - Mercator; 2 - Brymora, 5 - Brosch, 22 - Thorn, 19 - Katarec; 4 - Carrow, 15 - Shone (8 - Brandtner 70'); 7 - Coffey (13 - Saroszi 78'), 21 - Montag, 11 - Porter; 9 - Metzger
Goal: Metzger 37'

Michael Brandon was tiring of Skorji Oslograd.
A home fixture against EOT was his main warm-up before contesting the Cup of Champions with a somewhat... diluted squad. It had been booked in Sabrefell, at Nephara's biggest and most iconic stadium... and the marketers' reward was the most empty seats of any Nepharim fixture in years, since the days where every fixture was at the Farham Arena. The hope, presumably, was that the punters would focus on the 'Eura', the nation's closest friends and casual footballing rivals, and somehow blank out the 'n Oceanic Territories'.
Brandon sure as hell wished he could blank out Skorji fucking Oslograd right about now. His team-talk had been interrupted by the sheer volume of his bellowing.

"Now, lads, be first to every ball, heavy winds today so play it safe with the pass-"
"BALLOOOOOOOOONS"

Fuck's sake.
And now, as the sides walked out of the tunnel, Oslograd was in his ear again. "Brandon! Haven't abandoned the sinking ship yet, I see! You or your Quisling adjutant..." He glared at Tom Riley, who stared out noncommittally into the distance.
"Uh-huh," said Brandon. "Ship isn't sinking. We're first. You're fifth."
"Ahh, typical Brandon. Thinking the game's played on paper, not grass. Newsflash, poindexter! Is paper green? Is paper fucking green, Brandon?"
"No."
"Pshaw." Oslograd flipped his beautiful, luscious mane, as he turned to survey the Nepharim team. "And I see you're back to your old tricks, scraping the bottom of the barrel to find eleven cripples and children. 'Rotation!' Pah. The game is dead, Brandon, and you are twisting the knife in its eye socket."
Brandon sighed. "Look. Skorji. It's not a sign of disrespect. Besides, we're missing several players to injury. Swoboda? Still recovering from a sprained wrist in training. Konoval's had a minor ankle injury, Rowland's come down with ligma, Close i-"
Oslograd snorted, like a stallion protesting at its saddle. "You with your made-up words again! Classic Brandon. What the hell is ligma supposed to be?!"
A hush came over the Nepharim bench. Michael Brandon turned, with a terrible glint in his cold grey eyes, and smiled.

[Equestrian States]

Ponies Rebound from Upset to Clinch Playoff Spot
by Steve McNotapony

Equestrian States 1-0 Lochario
at Royal Equestria Stadium in Canterlot, Equestria
Attendance: 105,362
Scoring:
Aarón Aiza '7 (Rosewing)

CANTERLOT - The Ponies' stunning home loss against unranked East Belzaria might've been just the wake-up call this team needed after all.

The Equestrian States had previously been drifting aimlessly through the second half of their qualifying campaign, passively watching as Garifunya and Saltstead slowly cut into the Ponies' once-imposing lead atop Group 10 until it had dwindled to just one point. Manager Pearly White didn't field a full-strength squad for the East Belzaria game and it came back to bite her in the ass, as she acknowledged in her somber post-match press conference. But the Ponies' second half struggles could hardly be pinned all on the national team boss's shoulders, the Equestrian attack has seemingly evaporated after plastering Penguinland 4-0, scoring just three goals in six games and being shut out by both of the group's unranked sides in consecutive matches.

However, the Ponies' penultimate qualifying match against Lochario saw the Equestrian States at least partially return to form. It wasn't a blowout on the scoreboard, but anyone watching would've seen the Ponies thoroughly dominate the game from start to finish. Indeed, the Ponies won the possession battle with 71% control and out-shot the Ginger Tigers 14-2, giving up only one on-target shot to the visitors which Gentle Breeze easily collected. If not for a strong performance from Locharian keeper Esteban Vasquez, the Equestrians would have likely won by another two or three goals.

That said, Aarón Aiza's 7th minute strike was all the Ponies needed to claim all three points. Rosewing found a way through the Locharian back line before passing to the wide-open Aiza trailing just a bit behind her, leaving Vasquez no chance to make a save. The early goal provided some much-needed relief for the crowd at Royal Equestria Stadium which filled every free corner of the famed venue and then some. From there it was simply a matter of not letting the Ginger Tigers into the Equestrian half, which the Ponies' midfield and defense did a superb job of ensuring. The Equestrian attack played things relatively safe as the match wore on, not wanting to set up a Lochario counterattack, but still got a few good looks at the goal of their own. Pristina Shine and Rosewing each rattled the woodwork and Aiza nearly found the net again off a corner, denied only by a goal line clearance from defender Alek Kolashkov. Luminesce also had a penalty shout waved off in the second half when she was brought down on the edge of the box by Kolashkov.

Pearly White made her substitutions to shore up the back line, but it didn't end up mattering as the Equestrians saw out the final minutes without too much fanfare. Lochario, thankfully, didn't have much to play for other than pride, and in the end were deservedly beaten by the Ponies. The final whistle blew as news trickled in from Northwest Kalactin that Saltstead had been held to a draw, assuring the Equestrians of at least a playoff berth with one day of games remaining. Pearly White was clearly relieved in her post-match interviews, praising her team's solid all-around performance on the night while acknowledging there is still work to be done. The Ponies' boss also confirmed that she'd be bringing a full-strength squad to Sharktail to see out the campaign and leave nothing to chance.

   GROUP 10                       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts        Match Day 17 Results:
 1  Equestrian States (17)      17   12   3   2    30    7  +23    39   P     Equestrian States 1–0 Lochario 
 2  Garifunya (67)              17   12   2   3    29   18  +11    38        @ Royal Equestria Stadium in Canterlot, EQS
 3  Saltstead (38)              17   11   3   3    29   10  +19    36         East Belzaria 4–0 Sharktail 
 4  Northwest Kalactin (87)     17    9   4   4    34   19  +15    31   E    @ Belzarian Command Complex in Command, EBZ
 5  East Belzaria (UR)          17    8   4   5    24   20   +4    28   E     South Batoko 0–0 Penguinland 
 6  Lochario (135)              17    8   2   7    19   13   +6    26   E    @ Unknown Venue in Unknown City, SBK
 7  Sharktail (230)             17    4   5   8    23   34  −11    17   E     Sorrentopia 2–3 Garifunya 
 8  Sorrentopia (207)           17    3   3  11    17   27  −10    12   E    @ Sorren Stadium in Sorren, SOR
 9  South Batoko (UR)           17    0   6  11     4   32  −28     6   E     Northwest Kalactin 2–2 Saltstead 
10  Penguinland (272)           17    1   2  14    12   41  −29     5   E    @ Gold Coast Stadium in Gold Coast, NWK

MATCH DAY 18 FIXTURES:
 Sharktail vs. Equestrian States 
@ Kota Lama National Arena in Kota Sultan, SHK
 Lochario vs. Northwest Kalactin 
@ Zun Olympic Stadium in Zun, LOC
 Saltstead vs. Sorrentopia 
@ King William VII National Park in Ashwell, SAL
 Garifunya vs. South Batoko 
@ Staad Fyet nan Garifunya in Frederykvil, GAR
 Penguinland vs. East Belzaria 
@ Unknown Venue in Unknown City, PEN

Elsewhere in Qualifying Group 10, the biggest result again came from the match involving Saltstead, where the Stallions dropped crucial points in a 2-2 draw against Northwest Kalactin, the result also eliminating the Kalactanians' slim remaining odds to qualify for the World Cup. Meanwhile, Garifunya took advantage of the Saltsteaders' draw, winning 3-2 against Sorrentopia to leapfrog the Stallions and take at least temporary ownership of second place in Group 10, which we now know will not be providing one of the three qualifying runner-ups and will be consigned instead to a playoff, likely as one of the unseeded teams in that draw. With just one match remaining and the Ponies now three points ahead of third place Saltstead, the best the Stallions can do is to equal the Ponies' point total. The Equestrians hold the head-to-head tiebreaker against both Garifunya and Saltstead, meaning that the Ponies have at least clinched a playoff spot.

The final match day will see the Equestrian States travel to Kota Sultan to face 230th-ranked Sharktail, where three points for the Ponies would clinch first place in Group 10, qualifying them for the World Cup finals. Should the Equestrians drop points, it's still possible for the Ponies to win the group, provided that Garifunya (currently one point back) does not win against unranked South Batoko at home. Garifunya dropping points is also the only scenario in which Saltstead will reach the qualifying playoffs as they face a must-win at home against 207th-ranked Sorrentopia, the Stallions holding the head-to-head tiebreaker against Garifunya courtesy of their impressive 7-1 aggregate victories. A three-way tie on points atop the group between the remaining contenders (possible with a Ponies loss, a Garifunyan draw, and a Stallions win) would see the Equestrian States finish in first with Saltstead in second on head-to-head points.

Outside of the top three's battle to qualify for the World Cup, there isn't too much to watch for in Group 10. Barring a dramatic reversal in goal differential, Northwest Kalactin is assured of finishing fourth. Unranked East Belzaria will look to finish off their impressive campaign with a victory against bottom-of-the-table Penguinland to clinch fifth, the East Belzarians' performance this cycle certainly catching the eye of probable Cup of Harmony organizers within the Equestrian States' Hoofball Association. Lochario could still overtake East Belzaria should results go their way, but their poor second half form makes it difficult to see that happening despite the Locharians narrowly holding the tiebreaker there. Finally, South Batoko is still without a win on the campaign and will be hard-pressed to earn one on the road against a Garifunyan side that still could win the group, but the Batokoni are still just ahead of Penguinland in the race to avoid last place. The Batokoni have, however, at least impressed defensively after losing their first eight matches, scraping out scoreless draws at home against each of the group's top three sides, even if they needed a bit of canine - err - intervention against the Equestrian States.

Ultimately, Group 10 is one of several qualifying groups that neutrals will surely be watching on the final match day of the campaign, with three teams still in the running and only one of them assured of anything. Ponies fans will doubtlessly make the trek to Sharktail en masse to lend their team support from Kota Lama National Arena's away end. You can also expect that there'll be plenty of pieces published in the next few days about why Ponies supporters should dread the possibility of the Equestrian States participating in another qualifying playoff, inevitably sparking PTSD incidents among long-time followers of the Equestrian team. Regardless of the result against Sharktail, however, Ponies manager Pearly White will likely remain under pressure for the foreseeable future after the Equestrians' hugely disappointing second half performance despite her otherwise successful tenure as national team boss.

[Mriin]

Ever wondered which MNL club you should support, but don't have any ties to the locales they inhabit? No? Too bad, here's a quiz.

1) What's your opinion on goals?
     A) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
     B) As long as it's a good game, it doesn't really matter how many go in.
     C) My wife left me for a striker and it's my personal mission in life to see them stamped out.

2) How much do you value success?
     A) My children are jealous of the attention my trophies get.
     B) The ups and the downs are what make things interesting.
     C) To be a sports fan is to know true suffering.

3) Do off-the-field antics entertain you?
     A) I have a drama IV hooked directly into my bloodstream.
     B) Anyone who doesn't leave everything on the field is a hack.
     C) Would it kill anyone to be a positive influence in the community for once?

Put your answers in a row to find your new team below! There are a few holes, particularly in permutations asking for successful teams--if you miss, try lowering your expectations.

AAA) Vidial Alchemists - Perhaps the most innovative team in the MNL, the Alchemists are always on the cutting edge trying out Don Mizzet's wacky new theories on the nature of football. Some say that lack of focus is why they haven't won a championship yet, but it's always a close affair. Borne in the extremely competitive environment of the University of Alchemy, it's common for tensions to run high as players jostle both for playing time and tenure.

AAB) Harbor - The first back-to-back champions of the MNL! The sailors play an exciting, fast-paced game with a focus on lethal pressure from the wings. Both their success and Lasser Rei's performance on the national team has swayed quite a few fans from other islands, further rubbing salt in the wound of their crosstown rivals AFC Hosingr.

ABA) Maal Dæmons - Run by the oft-theorized-as-maniacal Vance Lazaar, the Dæmons are instantly recognizable by their lopsided formation involving five--yes, five--strikers. The league's ultimate "Results May Vary" squad.

ABB) Wyvernscrest - The most established of the expansion teams, the Wyverns' play is closely modeled on that of the national team, which was seeing unprecedented success at the time they were founded and ever since. That translates into a 4-3-3 that favors attacking but attempts to remain a bit balanced, which has seen them slowly climb into the upper midtable the past few seasons.

ABC) Easthold Royals - An experiment in 'trusting the youth' that worked out surprisingly well. The team that started as an entirely U21 side has consistently been just a hair outside of the UICA spots, and it'll be exciting to watch them come into their own over the next few years.

ACA) AC Mariina - A team specifically crafted of flashy journeyplayers, they're at the very least always entertaining. Their collective skill seems to be a cut above the Lower Division, but they lack the real star power to make an impact in the Premier Division--I hope you like yo-yos.

ACB) Laneia - The enigmatic all-dryad team is hard to parse, with their funky 6-1-3 formation and their wildly inconsistent results. I'm not sure if they're particularly concerned with winning, but are still worth watching as a tiny window into dryad culture most Mriinians haven't had before.

ACC) Evyr Thespians - An excellent team to follow if you're more interested in cheeky antics and gimmicky events than top-notch play. The Thespians are always out there to put on a show, for a certain definition of show.

BAA) Bruul Skewers - Affectionately known as the Saviors of Bruul, as the team's original outrageously dirty play and continued lack of results finally got everyone angry enough to run owner Rone Kresh out of town. He's come to be called the Butcher of Bruul, and the city has begun to flourish once again now that his mobster-esque business has been rooted out. The Skewers are still one of the most physical teams in the league, but under player-manager Geraard Tavol they've shaped up their act and even had a chance in the Globe Cup.

BBA) Westhold Royals - The team in all the headlines right now, for all the wrong reasons. Fresh ex-owner Rochford Kantal had built something of a "superteam"--as much as you could from a largely amateur player pool--and enjoyed some success, often topping the table for large portions of the season. But twice they collapsed and threw away the title. Between those disappointments and Kantal reportedly being rather upset with how a successful team was running at a loss, the team is no longer under his control and the future ahead is murky.

BBB) Seastone Royals - Just a couple of jobbers. What sort of boring sack are you that you picked three B's?

BBC) Prei Dragonriders - A side put together from the Mont Prei Military Academy. They've done a respectable job considering they seem determined to stay in-house for their talent, but that lack of recruiting breadth alongside the players have extensive off-the-pitch responsibilities does bring into question if the team's cap is any higher than their current performance.

BCA) Gryst Brewers - The Brewers are the premier home of false hope and suffering, having three consecutive seasons where they were either third or joint-third-if-not-for-tiebreakers in the Lower--very notable when the top two get to taste Premier play in the next season. They've even spent long stretches in the promotion slots throughout those seasons, just to really grind their fans to dust.

BCB) Mont Reàl - Located in a town without a commonly agreed upon name, quite a ways up the mountain from Ashfell. The team has a similar lack of a coherent identity, playing a loose approximation of football that failed to impress even in the Lower. Hell, if you could find a way to ingratiate yourself to management you could probably have a say in the team's future right now.

BCC) Ashfell - A strange, niche community growing on the largely barren southern slope of Mont Prei, Ashfell has become something of a hotspot for young adult Mriinians who adore the ancient-styled architecture inspired by the plentiful nearby ruins. The cashflow from this young, relatively wealthy patronage seems to be paying off for the local team, who have managed to stay up (by the razor's edge) in the Premier two seasons running against all predictions. They're also notable for being tightly wound with the nearby University of Archaeology, with the team frequently showing up to public dig site events to encourage people to show up and get engaged.

CAB) AFC Hosingr - The unlikely face of multiculturalism in the MNL. After several inexplicable seasons of severe underperformance, including losing a large chunk of their fanbase to local rivals Harbor, owner Jezebel Cotler was the first to fully dive into the transfer window and craft a custom-built from line. Featuring a young Equestrian and Daineri, a middling Drawkian, and a geriatric Cosumarite, they found their way back to the top four. While they maintain their defensive proclivities, a little international help has finally helped them find the back of the net just enough.

CAC) Maal Angels - Easily the team with the largest following throughout the nation, the Angels have the pedigree of being the joint-oldest team and the distinction of being the good one (the Dæmons across town have struggled significantly more since incorporation). They've taken the first three MNL cups in a row, and finally managed the double-double in taking the league championship as well last season. It all comes down to their second-to-none defensive acumen, having conceded the least by a large margin several times and being joint-lowest once more.

CBA) I cba, tbh

CBB) Mont Prei - The highly disciplined monks high upon the mountain peak, Mont is a... strange team. They hang out near the upper echelons of the standings, but never appear a dominant force. The common theory is that their rigorous, synchronized playstyle makes them an incredibly difficult squad to upset, but also leaves them without the creativity to cause an upset themselves. So they vacuum up most points against bottom-half sides, comfortably nestling themselves in the top half... but rarely anywhere within a shout of the championship.

CBC) Weldsmith - Originally founded as a way to bring together Maal's historically poor industrial district, Weldsmith finally managed to convince MNL officials to let them play in the Lower despite not having a wealthy backer funding the side. They immediately turned around and rewarded their fans' faith, putting on an impressive display allowing only ten goals in twenty-two games to immediately shoot up to the Premier. The future of this team promises to be bright, but their first taste of high-level football is going to be a crucible.

CCA) Centre Bruul - Please, see a psychiatrist. This masochism isn't healthy.

CCB) Wyrmstone - While they nominally fight over the farmlands with Wyvernscrest, the more apt comparison for Wyrmstone is the Angels' dark shadow. While the Angels embody elegant defensive play, true practitioners of Karela, the Wyrms do their best to turn every game into a slow grind. 'Gridlock' is perhaps the best single word to describe their play.

CCC) Maal PhiloFC - Finally, last and least, PhiloFC are a fully collegiate team from a not-particularly-sporty college. They tend to bring up the Lower's cellar by a fair margin, but hey, they're having fun. At least they actually play as a team, though--they actually managed to rack up a fair amount of points last season because several of the Lower teams (that didn't even make this list) had such divided clubhouses their players barely acknowledged their teammates on the field. It was truly fascinating watching them find new and innovative ways to gift PhiloFC points.

[Vilita]

Vilita off to World Cup 81 despite draw with Last Place Unranked

Shrine of Democracy Stadium, Completely Undemocratic Capital City, Vithuland :: After finally getting back on the attack with a 6-3 victory over Oberour Ar Moro at Marine World Park in Crosaibi, the Jungle Cats continued their roller-coaster travel plan of alternating home and away matches that had continued straight through the qualification campaign. There had been no two consecutive matches at any point in the campaign either at home or on the road for the Vilita National Team and there wasn't going to be at any point before the end of the campaign.

There were questions defensively however as the Shutout Specialist Mako Canopii had now appeared in four consecutive matches of which exactly none had been a shutout. This was a stark contrast from the Vilitan campaign up until that point which had seen seven clean sheets earned over the course of the first eleven matches. While no one had been faulting the performances of the Yeaddin Owls netminder for the majority of the conceded goals, the fact still remained that of the now eight-matches where the Jungle Cats did concede at least one goal, Canopii was in the net for five of those matches.

The Vilitan coaching staff seemed to be intent on keeping Canopii in net until they were able to walk off the pitch at the end of the 90 minutes without having conceded a goal, likely in an attempt to boost the netminders confidence ahead of the World Cup 81 Finals in Banija and the Free Republics where the Yeaddin Owls goalkeeper is expected to be the Jungle Cats first choice shot stopper.

Unfortunately, if the goal was to try to ensure Canopii had a clean sheet to regain their momentum heading into the World Cup Finals, it was once again not going to come on this matchday in Vithuland. The match was barely five minutes in when Rintala Sekagaya non-chalantly looked to play across to Jirijii Januaa. Instead of a firm, high pass however, Sekagaya flubbed a wet fish along the ground that was easily intercepted by the pressing Vithullaterii attacker. Canopii rushed out late unsuspecting of the error but it was too late as the ball was smartly curled to the far post and in. It was just the third time all campaign that the Jungle Cats had trailed in a match.

Vilita would equalize less than five minutes from the interval through Kwuimekii Hentetii but still could not have been pleased with the scores level at the halfway mark as they looked not to fall into the grasp of their opponents but to re-gain their form of earlier in the campaign.

The Jungle Cats would come out stronger in the second half as they also feared giving up their advantage over second placed Mercedini in the Group 13 table by conceding unnecessary points to low ranked opposition. Experienced midfielder Tripate Falcon gave the Jungle Cats the lead in the 48th minute with a well placed free kick to allow the Vilitan coaching staff to breathe a sigh of relief. Vilita would begin controlling the match better as the second half progressed on and would ultimately put the match out of reach with 20 minutes left to play when Polaox Torerun delivered the corner kick that Arocki Tadalek connected on, past the Vithulala netminder and giving the Jungle Cats their third goal for the second consecutive match.

After scoring three goals or more for the first eight matches of the campaign, the 3-1 victory over Vithuland marked the first time since that run to open the campaign that the Jungle Cats were able to score 3 or more goals in consecutive matches. However, after conceding in the first half, it was now five consecutive matches without a clean sheet for Vilita after previously only having one instance with back-to-back matches where they had conceded a goal prior to that.

Vilita [3] - [1] Vithuland

:: Vilita Goalscorers :: :: 41' Kwuimekii Hentetii :: 48' Tripate Falcon :: 70' Arocki Tadalek

:: Vilita Statistics :: :: Possession: 59% :: Shots on Target: 7 :: Corner Kicks: 13

:: Vithuland Statistics :: :: Possession: 41% :: Shots on Target: 3 :: Corner Kicks: 4

---

Vilita Jungle Cats Lineup v. Vithuland ::
[GK] Mako Canopii, [D.] Arocki Tadalek, [D.] Jirijii Januaa, [D.] Rintala Sekagaya, [D.] Kwuimekii Hentetii, [ML] Polaox Torerun, [MC] Limu Katarakhna, [MC] Westii Yahaya, [MR] Tripate Falcon, [FC] Sipke Tarala, [FC] Nii'arala Milaaso
BENCH::
[FC] Kaivel Illatara, [FC] Nuola Brenzil, [M] Purapal Eskiiy, [M] Ikala Mravedii, [U ] Kudii Davasarii, [D] Jirak Trikala, [GK] Cilamara Issah

---

Tivali Ring Stadium, Alikki-Corra, Vilita The Vilita National Team would return to their home turf at the Tivali Ring Stadium in Alikki-Corra to close out the home portion of their campaign against lowly Swibia. The Swibians were one of the worst teams in the first half of qualification without recording a win and perched firmly at the bottom of all teams in the World Cup 81 Qualifications. While they had improved in the second half, there was no expectation that the Unranked side would be able to compete with the Vilitan National Team at their home stadium with the Jungle Cats entering the match knowing that a victory over the worst team in the Group - the team that they smashed eight goals in on the road earlier in the campaign - would ensure they would clinch the top spot in Group 13 and a place in the World Cup 81 finals in Banija and the Free Republics.

After five consecutive matches between the sticks - a virtually unheard of run for a Vilitan goalkeeper - and having conceded in each of those matches even if they weren't all faulted to the netminder; Mako Canopii took a break and allowed Upsin Ajaara of Brenecia's Northern Stallions to make their first start of the qualifying campaign.

Unfortunately for Ajaara, there was some rust to shake off and the Swibians struck early marking the first time in the campaign that the Vilita National Team had trailed in multiple matches consecutively. Vilita were down 0-1 at half time and for the second consecutive match as well were not leading at the break.

Vilita leveled the score in the 53rd minute through Rintala Sekagaya who perhaps earned some self-vindication after being arguably responsible for the only goal that the Jungle Cats conceded in their previous match against Vithuland, denying the team their first shutout in five matches. The comeback was short lived however as Swibia once again stunned the crowd at the Tivali Ring Stadium at the sixty-five minute mark as the unranked side became the first team to take two seperate leads in a match against the Vilita National Team during the World Cup 81 Qualification campaign.

It also marked the end of the evening for Upsin Ajaara, in a move taken straight out of the Ice Hockey Arena the Vilitan coaching staff decided that perhaps a change between the sticks might motivate the players on the field to be more impactful on the night and brought regular starting goalkeeper Mako Canopii into the match as well as taking out goal scoring defender Rintala Sekagaya and introducing forward Linvoi Warazil, switching to a more attacking formation in hopes of a grand stand finish in front of the home fans to punch their ticket to the World Cup 81 Finals in Banija and the Free Republics.

While the Jungle Cats did turn up the dial on the attack, they could only muster one additional goal thanks to a moment of youthful skill from the former Galacticos Young Player of the Season and Eastal Lunar prodigy Nii'arala Milaaso, at the very least saving the Vilitan National Team from the ultimate embarrassment, rescuing a 2-2 draw to keep the Jungle Cats unbeaten record alive and avoid an incomprehensible home defeat to an unranked side at the bottom of the Group 13 table.

Vilita [2] - [2] Swibia

:: Vilita Goalscorers :: :: 53' Rintala Sekagaya :: 71' Nii'arala Milaaso

:: Vilita Statistics :: :: Possession: 56% :: Shots on Target: 4 :: Corner Kicks: 7

:: Swibia Statistics :: :: Possession: 44% :: Shots on Target: 5 :: Corner Kicks: 7

---

Vilita Jungle Cats Lineup v. Swibia ::
[GK] Upsin Ajaara, [D.] Linkat Cjinder, [D.] Mileke Drokasorna, [D.] Rintala Sekagaya, [D.] Kwuimekii Hentetii, [ML] Va'a-Rio Kiwavn, [MC] Polaox Torerun, [MC] Karisto Monafog, [MR] Jyuola Mtalata, [FC] Nuola Brenzil, [FC] Nii'arala Milaaso
BENCH::
[FC] Enzoril Alabonni, [FC] Linvoi Warazil, [M] Kamarul Zaman, [M] Westii Yahaya, [U ] Jurzen Devmiko, [D] Inbekira Ajhabekk, [GK] Mako Canopii

---

Group 13                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Vilita                           17   15   2   0    56   16  +40    47
 2 Mercedini                        17   15   0   2    61   20  +41    45
 3 Tobiasia                         17   11   2   4    43   27  +16    35
 4 Anthor                           17    7   3   7    33   33    0    24
 5 Kernovi and Rewgwlas             17    7   2   8    33   42   −9    23
 6 Oberour Ar Moro                  17    5   6   6    36   39   −3    21
 7 Rannoria                         17    5   5   7    26   34   −8    20
 8 Vithuland                        17    4   2  11    21   34  −13    14
 9 Swibia                           17    2   2  13    17   54  −37     8
10 Kilaguni                         17    2   0  15    16   43  −27     6

Despite being held on the night however, the Vilita National Team was able to mathematically ensure a spot in the World Cup 81 finals thanks to results elsewhere in the qualification groups. What the Vilita National Team was unable to lock up, however, was first place in Group 13 as the draw held the Jungle Cats to 47 points with fifteen wins and two draws over the first seventeen matchdays while Mercedini were at 45 points with the same amount of wins as Vilita but two defeats instead of two draws giving the Vilitans a two point advantage heading into the final matchday.

First Place in Group 13 would be on the line in Mercedini as the reigning Independent Association Cup champion squared off against the co-reigning Champions of the AOCAF Cup. After strong qualification campaigns from both squads, Vilita and Mercedini had already secured their slots in the World Cup 81 Finals putting a damper on the excitement of their top of the table clash despite the fact that it would be a winner-take-all clash for first place in the Group. Some rumors had been floating around twii.tur in the build up to the match that due to the reduced stakes, the two sides had originally agreed to field "U-9" squads for the match. However, the Vilitan Football Association released a twii of their own in response to the rumors suggesting that they couldn't field a U-9 squad even if they wanted to as they don't have a recognized national U-9 squad to field in any such match.

In the end, the two sides will have to consider what approach to take for the match as it would be a rare chance to square off against quality opposition heading into the World Cup Finals, but could also serve as a last chance to see fringe players on the pitch before deciding a squad for World Cup 81 in Banija and the Free Republics.

---

[Main Nation Ministry]

Rewriting

Somewhere in the Northwest, several scientists were observing the Machine of Death that was in it's own containment room, where it was locked in a large glass case that only served to make it more intimidating than it seemed. "Well, I guess it's another artifact to make sure the public shouldn't touch or terrible things will happen." Scientist Bill remarked, as Scientist Edwin was wondering what happened to the machine. "At least, everyone can attend the armed forces without worry now. To not be able to serve your country can be disastrous." Edwin said, as they passed by several other artifacts. "I see that the influencer is now in good condition. Along with the Hawthrone door among other things." Edwin continued, as they walked towards a room which contains a new artifact besides the Machine of Death.

Inside was a strange-looking machine that wasn't made outta whatever eldritch flesh that appeared (thank god), but seemed to be built of standard industrial mechanical parts. On one end of the machine was a metal plug that had dried blood at the needle-like tip to show that it has been of use. At the other end was a typewriter with a set of blank sheets of paper, along with a rectangle-shaped slot to insert books inside. At the middle was a plain video screen that served to view whatever the machine had to offer. "Is this it? The stenographic book reader?" Bill asked Edwin, which he confirmed. "They found it in a warehouse, which was in the midst of being cleared out. We did some tests already. You see that plug? You need to insert it directly into your ear or poke it into your skull, then the machine will literally...get this..turn all of the memories that you know and not know into a book. It's an autobiography dispenser without the hassle of writing."

"And that slot?" Bill asked, pointing at the slot at the end of the machine. "If you insert a book of any form that is either an autobiography or fiction book, it will create a visual representation of whatever events happened in that piece of literature. It's like watching an adaptation." Edwin said. "Let me guess. This is here, instead of the Ministry of Science, because it mess up things? In terms of reality?" Bill asked. "Right there, Billy-o. After a test subject had their memories in a book, we decided to rewrite the book to see the effects. You can burn the book and no harm will be due. However, managing to perfectly get rid and replace a portion of your own writing, that book that change the reality of that individual. For example, we started to write several things on that subject's book. Things didn't go so well.."

"Explain, please."
"First off, their personality became more anti-wealthy as I would say. Another side effect is being on the verge of mental breakdowns, since we decided to kill off their wife by writing her dying in their book. When that happened, she actually died in real life."
"..."
"We did that for science."
"Why do things have to have negative consequences?"
"Life isn't fair, Bill."

---

Emmanuel Jones arrived back at the room before the Leader's office, bringing someone along. "Use the intercom. I brought someone along that the Leader should want to see." Jones demanded, where a soldier hesitantly activated the intercom. "Uhh, Leader, sir? Emmanuel Jones has returned with a woman that wishes to see you."
The Leader replied on his own intercom, "I can't allow visitors!"
"I know, sir. But Jones claims that this woman wishes to see you?"
"Who is this woman, then!?"
"I can say her name, sir. However, I'm already in an awkward situation, because I'm not allowed to mention her name, until under your orders."
"Keller Harrington?! Is that you?" The Leader yelled over the intercom.

"Relax. I came, since you were feeling a bit down. And because Jones is forcing me to visit."

[Freeport Isles]

The Freeport Free Press
World Cup 81 Qualifying: Lolicia's Stunner Saves a Point for Freeport
by Dirty Rag

St. Saratoga 2-2 Freeport
(K. Hagen '24, Deadbeat [OG] '37, H. Wenzel '79, Lolicia '90+3)

ROGERBEI, St. Saratoga - Late in the second half of Freeport's penultimate World Cup 81 qualifying match, things were looking grim for the Condottieri. Trailing by a goal after St. Saratoga striker Harry Wenzel beat Kukiri to the near post on a corner, Freeport was on track to suffer a disappointing defeat against a side the Condottieri previously beat 4-0 in their first meeting. Then Mad Dash subbed in teenage midfield sensation Lolicia with less than 10 minutes remaining.

Lolicia has quietly been one of the standout performers for the Condottieri this campaign, despite her limited minutes and lack of starts. The 16 year-old zebra who plies her trade professionally with Crystal Princess HC in the UHA Third League has incredible pace, seemingly creates opportunities out of nothing, and was named the best young player in the league last season after making her debut for the Princesses halfway through the campaign. It wasn't too surprising that Lolicia was included in Mad Dash's expanded qualifying roster, but she's been limited to appearances off the bench as she still lacks the endurance of the older players. For the Condottieri, she's mostly provided a key pass here, an assist there, and maybe an opportunity-denying tackle or two.

But last night, it was her turn to take the spotlight for herself. After stripping the ball from Lars Zehetbauer in Freeport's third near the touchline, Lolicia quickly gathered herself off the ground, seized the ball and raced up the sideline. Leaving St. Saratoga midfielders and defenders in her dust, she cut inside for a one-on-one with goalkeeper Lennard Gesele before chipping the ball over the keeper into the back of the net. The supporters in the away end at Saints National Stadium went predictably wild, lighting more than a few flares to shroud the stands in black and blue smoke despite the efforts of stadium security to rein in the chaotic celebration.

For her part, Lolicia was positively beaming as she was mobbed by her teammates. The match may have ended in a draw, but for Freeport fans it felt more like a win as they not only scored the late equalizer but also may have witnessed a moment that hoofball fans will look back on years from now as the defining highlight in a world-class superstar's young career.

   GROUP 17                      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts        Match Day 17 Results:
 1  Baker Park (46)            17   13   3   1    42   16  +26    42   Q     St. Saratoga 2–2 Freeport 
 2  Darmen (22)                17   12   3   2    43   24  +19    39   P    @ Saints National Stadium in Rogerbei, STS
 3  Taeshan (60)               17   10   3   4    24    8  +16    33         Kwesiland 0–0 Taeshan 
 4  Coldfield (71)             17    9   4   4    30   24   +6    31        @ Unknown Venue in Unknown City, KWS
 5  Freeport (189)             17    8   3   6    45   36   +9    27         Baker Park 2–0 Darmen 
 6  Timmy's Tigers (262)       17    8   2   7    32   28   +4    26        @ Keller Field in Belle Haven, BKP
 7  St. Saratoga (167)         17    6   4   7    30   31   −1    22         Coldfield 2–0 South Caleblan 
 8  Innovian Indusse (307)     17    3   2  12    14   31  −17    11        @ Crownsville Palace Colossus in Crownsville, CDF
 9  Kwesiland (UR)             17    1   3  13    19   45  −26     6         Innovian Indusse 1–2 Timmy's Tigers 
10  South Caleblan (UR)        17    1   1  15    14   50  −36     4        @ Unknown Venue in Unknown City, IIN

Meanwhile, Baker Park clinched the top spot in Group 17 with a 2-0 victory over Darmen to officially qualify for the World Cup and consign the Darmenis to a playoff berth. The Bees' win also means that nobody in the group will have anything really to play for other than pride on the final day of qualifying, with some slight movement in the final standings possible outside the top two. Freeport will return home for their qualifying finale against Coldfield where a win for the Condottieri would clinch a finish in the top half of the table. However, even a loss to Coldfield wouldn't dampen Condottieri supporters' spirits too much, as it's been a fairly successful (or at least respectable) debut campaign for Freeport regardless.

Of the teams which made their debut at Baptism of Fire 68 this cycle, just four have earned more points than the Condottieri in their first qualifying campaigns: Kavagrad, Squornshelous, Santa Rafa, and Michine. Freeport's ambitions of someday being a world-beater are still a long way from being realized, but the Condottieri have taken a strong first step towards establishing themselves as the next great hoofball nation to emerge from southwestern Atlantian Oceania.

[Turori]

Last shot for the #Cocoabo !!! Better win big or go back to the forest...

I put 50T on @FilindostanNT to make the playoffs!!! #ApoxSux

INDUSSE WINS

---

#IndusseWins

If the #EquestrianStates don't make it ima sell my pony collection

Star United States just one loss away from a perfect record. Can they do it? #PerfectLosers

Eura, Ethane, Nephara, Pasarga, Vilita, South Covello and Chromatika. Who will have the best overall record? #WC81quals

Most surprising team of qualifying? Re-twii for #Polkopia ; star for #NewLusitania

---

#Beepee is gonna shock you all!

---

INDUSSE WINS

[Qusmo]

SPONY LUQ TELEVISION

Hello, all. Welcome to Spony Luq Television, broadcasting from Qanz, Qusmo. Qusmo has fought valiantly, & achieved a historically successfully campaign, but ultimately fell short of the World Cup. Despite a 3-0 victory in Nuadh-Alba, extending Qusmo’s unbeaten streak to a record eight matches, the team was eliminated from contention for Group 9’s playoff spot after Matchday Seventeen. Qusmo has just one match remaining - & it’s against that team which has just eliminated them: Polkopia. Let’s look at the final stages of qualification & beyond. First, we have a question from a viewer right here in Qanz.

Is there anything to play for on the final match?

Yes. To be clear, there is nothing to play for in terms of World Cup qualification. There is nothing to play for in terms of Qusmo’s position in the table. But there is everything to play for in terms of pride.

Qusmo will play their final match of the qualification cycle in Qusmo, at Mastad Qusma, against Polkopia. Polkopia will be looking for a win, tied on points with Valanora for the sole spot out of Group 9 directly to Banija & the Free Republics, in the hope that they will be able to skip a playoff altogether. That said, though, after a monumental 11-3 shellacking of Axuva, Polkopia is guaranteed at least a spot in the playoff - & that ended Qusmo’s hopes of qualifying. Qusmo will come wanting a result from this match, as manager Avarn-Oxolt Ban admitted in a press conference following the news of their elimination.

“Of course, it’s a heartbreaking thing. We’ve come so far, we’ve fought so hard, & we’ve done so much. It really doesn’t feel right to go out now, in this way, after a victory. We wanted to play Polkopia on the final matchday with everything on the line. We wanted to go up against them, one on one, & have a chance to prove ourselves once & for all. It’s a shame we won’t get the chance to play for a spot in the playoff, but that fixture is still on our calendar, & we still have an opportunity to prove ourselves.”

“We may not get the rewards for it that we may like, but we’ll know that we’re capable of going far & doing great things - & maybe even going further in the next cycle. For now, though, we’re hoping for a statement victory at our national stadium, in front of 80 000 roaring fans. Anything less would be unacceptable.”

Qusmo cannot finish any higher or lower on the table than the third they currently are. They cannot qualify for the World Cup. But they will hope to avoid allowing Polkopia to be the second team to beat them twice in competitive matches, & they will hope to extend their record unbeaten streak, & they will hope to earn more KPB points for the rankings. But, most of all, Qusmo will hope to gain pride from this match.

But expanding your question more broadly, a lot of teams have a massive amount to play for on their final matchday. Starting in Group 1, Turori has the group wrapped up, but New Lusitania & Beepee are competing for the playoff spot. New Lusitania has a two-point advantage & the head-to-head tiebreaker, with a 1-0 win at home & a 3-2 win in Beepee. That means all they need for a spot in the playoff is a draw or better against Gudalajara, a team they beat 4-0 at home earlier & which has tallied two draws, fifteen losses, & no wins so far in Qualifying. If Gudalajara somehow picks up their first win of the campaign in that match, Beepee would need a win to capitalize; nothing short would do. Unfortunately for the Baptism of Fire 67 champions, that’s no walk in the park, as they face Valladares - a team which Qusmo faced in Copa Rushmori XXX, losing 1-0. New Lusitania is a heavy favourite to get to the playoff from Group 1.

In Group 2, it’s all over already. Cosumar has won the group comfortably, while Juvencus has clinched a spot in the playoff. They have thirty-eight points, while their nearest competitor, Acapais, has only thirty-five. Technically, Acapais could catch up & tie Juvencus on points, but they cannot win the tiebreaker. Juvencus drew 0-0 in Acapais on Matchday Ten, which was more than enough to preserve their head-to-head margin after a 5-0 win in Juvencus on Matchday One. Thus, Cosumar will be heading to the World Cup & Juvencus is destined for the playoff.

Meanwhile, there’s a little more drama to be had in Group 3 - but not too much. Barunia top the group on forty-four points, with Drawkland only one point behind. However, both are assured of at least a second-place finish - & either would likely finish as one of the three best second-place sides, giving them an automatic qualification spot despite their status on the table. Barunia is in an especially nice spot; not only do they have a one-point edge over Drawkland, but they also have the head-to-tiebreaker, by virtue of a 2-1 home win on Matchday Eleven & a 1-0 win in Drawkland on Matchday Two. That means that Barunia would win the group with a win or if Drawkland fails to win. Even if Drawkland does surpass them in the group, Barunia needs only a draw against Egyptosian to guarantee that they would make it to the World Cup without having to go through a playoff. The only way Barunia could fall into a playoff is if they lose, Drawkland wins, & either Eshan or Qasden also win. In any event, being a seeded team in the playoff is the worst result they could have. Drawkland also cannot go lower than a playoff, though they can go through as one of the top three second-place teams or as a group winner if they can defeat Natanians and Nosts. If Drawkland draws, Eshan would need to win by at least five or Qasden would need to win by at least fourteen in order to unseat Drawkland. If Drawkland loses, it would take a win by Eshan or Qasden of any margin or a fourteen-goal Cassadaigua win in order to knock Drawkland into a playoff. In any event, Drawkland will be going to a playoff at the very least - & they are in the driver’s seat to skip it altogether & qualify automatically, whether as first or second in the group.

That’s a lot of permutations, but Drawkland & Barunia can feel very confident in their position; Group 4 will see some interesting action on the final matchday, as Apox & Filindostan are tied on thirty-six points.

ICly, Spony Luq Television previewed all nineteen groups. OOCly, those are a lot of groups, & I’m out of time. I’m eliminated far from being done, anyways, so I’ll just post what I do have.

&, finally, we reach Group 9. Qusmo has just been eliminated, meaning that both Valanora & Polkopia will reach at least a playoff. The two teams are tied on thirty-eight points, but Valanora has the tiebreaker; despite a 4-1 Polkopia win on Matchday Four, Valanora came back at home with a 4-0 win on Matchday Thirteen. That means that Valanora can clinch a berth in World Cup 81 with a win in Karulicja; the unranked side kept it close at 2-1 when the match was in Valanora. If Karulicja can earn points from that match, Polkopia would have an opening, but they will play in Qusmo on their final matchday, & Qusmo will set their sights on ensuring that Polkopia does not go through. In fact, though they cannot reach the final tournament themselves, a win at Mastad Qusma would guarantee that Polkopia will have to go through a playoff to get there. Ultimately, Polkopia has to earn a better result than Valanora in order to quality directly. If Valanora loses, Polkopia would need at least a draw. If Valanora draws, Polkopia would need a win. & if Valanora wins, there’s nothing Polkopia would be able to do. Those are the only ways that Polkopia can skip the playoff to qualify directly, & those are the only ways that Valanora can be relegated to a playoff. If none of those results happen, Polkopia will be destined for a playoff, while Valanora will qualify for yet another World Cup.

In any event, Qusmo will not make it. But that’s not because Qusmo had a poor showing. Just the opposite: in a group filled with five previous World Cup qualifiers, including one record five-time champion, Qusmo did a remarkable job in securing third place, above the likes of Savalen, Eastfield Lodge, & New Gazi. They have had an unbelievable run of form, & they will look to build on the successes of this cycle - for even entertaining the notion of a World Cup appearance into Matchday Seventeen in this group is a monumental success - possibly in the Cup of Harmony, then in the Copa Rushmori, &, ultimately, in the qualifying campaign for World Cup 82. Maybe the result will be even better then.

Group 9
Rakivland 0–2 Savalen
Polkopia 11–3 Axuva
Nuadh-Alba 0–3 Qusmo
Valanora 0–1 New Gazi
Eastfield Lodge 2–1 Karulicja

Group 9                            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Valanora                         17   12   2   3    45   21  +24    38
 2 Polkopia                         17   12   2   3    44   23  +21    38
 3 Qusmo                            17   10   4   3    30    9  +21    34
 4 Eastfield Lodge                  17    9   4   4    35   22  +13    31
 5 New Gazi                         17    9   2   6    27   22   +5    29
 6 Karulicja                        17    8   1   8    34   28   +6    25
 7 Savalen                          17    7   1   9    21   25   −4    22
 8 Rakivland                        17    3   4  10    26   36  −10    13
 9 Axuva                            17    3   1  13    21   60  −39    10
10 Nuadh-Alba                       17    0   3  14    10   47  −37     3

QNT eliminated from World Cup 81 Qualification despite 3-0 win
Nuadh-Alba 0–3 Qusmo
Hosted in Nuadh-Alba

---

GK  Xynat-Evela Cuf
CB  Cunix-Betva Tla
CB  Zenon-Gerol Kal
CB  Yelto-Alfan Ono
CM  Yamaj-Blonz Jok
68’ Yunal-Julad Waz
CM  Ilinx-Kepex Zev
AM  Gavax-Nenzi Abe (19’)
74’ Yoltz-Tlanx Sal
LM  Kynda-Sevet Pec (80’)
RM  Forzu-Ralox Kal
SS  Paliv-Xilit Max
74’ Nirlo-Betva Uzo
ST  Xilit-Zaxac Yol (55’)