World Bowl XXXII - Everything thread (FINALS posted)

[Cosumar]

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Cosumar National Gridiron Team
World Bowl XXXII

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Basic Information

Nation: The Fiefdom of Cosumar

Demonym: Cosumarite

Nickname: Dragons

Home FIeld: The Xanadu Dome, Pelethas (capacity 94,000 for gridiron)

Debut: Baptism of Iron VI (3rd place) & World Bowl XI

Ranking: 7th

World Bowl XXXI: 3rd in All-Mart Conference (12-2), eliminated by Banija in Round of 16

Style Modifier: Moderately Offensive (+3)

Football in Cosumar: Football, primarily known here as Gridiron Football (varying by region), is the second-most popular spectator sport behind only Association Football (soccer). The Cosumar Football League (CFL) commands a strong Fiefdom-wide following. The most recent season's results can be found here. Cosumar's World Bowl team is a collection of All-Stars from the CFL. Cosumar also boasts two of the most prominent college football programs in the world: Ramusok Capital University and Stoneshore College. RCU and Stoneshore have both won the NationStates College Football (NSCF) championship, the former three times. As such, many of Cosumar's World Bowl players had experience in NSCF prior to their CFL careers. For example, RCU star quarterback Brandon Reigner was drafted into the CFL by the Emerald Cove Conquistadors and has become MVP there, landing him on the National Team for World Bowls. As previously mentioned, gridiron is quite popular at collegiate, professional, AND international levels.


Uniform
HOME


AWAY



Coaching Staff

Head Coach: Rod Mason (62)

Assistant Head Coach: Phillip Jennings (52)

Offensive Coordinator: Kirk Keathley (44)

Defensive Coordinator: Lars Björklund (50)

Special Teams Coordinator: David Huxley (59)

Offensive Team Captain: Brandon Reigner (QB)

Defensive Team Captain: Leumas Ren (S)



Roster
Starters in bold
Name - Age - CFL Team

QUARTERBACK
Brandon Reigner - 35 - Emerald Cove Conquistadors
Jeston Boulware - 32 - Morponte Marauders
Ra'ef Nimmo-Dirksen - 26 - Na'Malsille Venom

The absence of Jakkrik Levinsson can still be felt after his post-WB30 retirement, but it's nevertheless a veteran group of quarterbacks that Rod Mason has called in. Jeston Boulware, who actually started most of World Bowl XXIX six years ago while Levinsson was mourning the death of his son, will return to back up reigning CFL MVP Brandon Reigner. Boulware was never the dynamic and flashy playmaker that Levinsson was, but he's the prototypical quarterback. Tall, broad-shouldered, with the highest throw velocity in Cosumar. Excels doing quick drops and immediately hitting his receivers on slants and other short routes. Brandon Reigner, meanwhile, is noted for his poise and leadership at the end of games, and cannon arm throwing downfield. Third-choice Ra'ef Nimmo-Dirksen is here to gain experience for the future. A former Arena League player, Nimmo-Dirksen is an elusive dual-threat with superb quickness jolting out of the pocket that pundits say remind them of Levinsson himself when he was first starting out.


BACKFIELD
RB Neptune Trevorrow - 30 - Versiaville Vikings
RB Macauley Swarthman - 27 - Hagenheim Vagabonds
RB Nic Perrantes - 26 - Dawchire Eagles

FB Major Ackerman - 29 - Versiaville Vikings

Neptune Trevorrow is a bruising back who loves dishing out punishment at the end of his runs. He hits the hole with aggression and is a beast to bring down. Coach Mason will have to limit his carries to keep him from getting worn down over the course of the tournament. This means there will be plenty of carries available for Macauley Swarthman, last season's breakout star who is a complete back with an all-around game, and Nic Perrantes, the young speedster who is finally back to full strength after sitting out last season with ACL/MCL tears following a promising rookie season. At fullback, Coach Mason called in Major Ackerman due to his chemistry with Trevorrow. He has blocked for Trevorrow for years and won two Dragon Bowls with him.


TIGHT END
Justus Bod - 29 - Kaldukosic Blazers
Lucas Castillo - 29 - Bayford Blue Dragons
Mati Jalonen - 23 - Helfin Mighty Men

With Kashmir Morrow finally retired, Justus Bod is now the unquestioned first-choice tight end after his best two statistical seasons yet for the ever-consistent Blazers, helping his team to Dragon Bowl XIII with his wide catch radius and hand strength. Lucas Castillo, no relation to famous corner DuAndre, is a consistent performer who moves into the TE2 role. He's not extraordinary, but he's a good blocker and route runner. Mati Jalonen earns his first call-up as the third TE and a core special-teamer after a nice rookie season for the Mighty Men.


WIDE RECEIVER
Thoumen Kuyengall - 27 - Olask Dolphins
Seamus Fiefield - 27 - Emerald Cove Conquistadors
Akim Fjara - 31 - Helfin Mighty Men
Thomen Hanfstaengl - 27 - Versiaville Vikings
Madison Weeldreyer - 24 - Samotath Scourge

Cosumar will feature a very different receiving corps than World Bowl 31. Kuyengall still starts out wide, as the most dominant receiver from Silver Conferece, but there was a bit of a void after him with longtime fixture Willoughby retiring perhaps prematurely. Kuyengall is the tall, blazing-fast deep threat. Seamus Fifield, opposite him, is more of a prototypical possession receiver: master route-runner and space-creator, great hands. Akim Fjara, noted for his quick acceleration and elusive cuts in tight spaces, will line up in the slot, where he has a good rapport killing defenses by a thousand cuts with former RCU teammate Reigner. Thomen Hanfstangel is a like-for-like back-up for the other Thoumen, a vertical threat, and Weeldreyer is a utility receiver who can do it all - most notable for having the fastest 40 time on the team.


OFFENSIVE LINE
LT Gregory Votto - 26 - Ramusok Stars
LT Leighton Kurevic - 32 - Sarmon Spirit

LG Harmon St. Clair - 28 - Sarmon Spirit
LG Varum Na'Golo - 33 - Hagenheim Vagabonds

C Finn Maki - 27 - Emerald Cove Conquistadores
C Michael Fuchs - 24 - Samotath Scourge

RG Jakk Trice - 26 - Emerald Cove Conquistadores
RG Elsdom Blomsson - 29 - Helfin Mighty Men

RT Codal Kouyate - 28 - Opjenheim Bulldogs
RT Demetrius Petrov - 31 - Dusk Bearcats

Rod Mason has revitalized the offensive line since World Bowl XXX. Neither starting tackle had played a down for Cosumar before until the last World Bowl. But both are shining stars now, ready to power Cosumar to glory this time. Gregory Votto earned All-CFL First Team honors three years in a row out of Stoneshore College, a stellar pass protector with nimble feet under his massivley muscular frame. Codal Kouyate, once his rival in NSCF with RCU, had similarly impressive third season this year. Kouyate is known for his unbelievable hands. Iron grip - once he has hold of a defender under the chest pads, they're at his mercy. If there's a weakness, it's the interior line. Both centers are inexpereinced at this level with zero international starts between them. Guards Trice and St. Clair are solid, but not world-class players like Votto or Kouyate.


DEFENSIVE TACKLE
Maximillian Hall - 29 - Dawchire Eagles
Lothar Grunstein - 28 - Bayford Blue Dragons
Vaber Dandurand - 27 - Sarmon Spirit
Kol Chessmore - 23 - Na'Malsille Venom

Hall and Grunstein are massive bodies that clog up the running lanes. They stop the inside running game dead in its tracks. They don't do much else, but they perform that one task very well. That especially applies to Grunstein, who is by far the largest player of the lot at nearly 400 lbs, but lacks the others' finesse. When the Dragons need more pass rush up the middle, they'll insert Dandurand or Chessmore, who are more modern, finesse pass-rushing DTs who can also play DE.


DEFENSIVE END
LE Toby Tancredi - 30 - Dawchire Eagles
LE Connell Rapoport - 26 - Winnipeg Raiders
LE Oskirk Hevermann - 32 - Morponte Marauders

RE Antigonus Jameson - 28 - Crawford Comrades
RE Melvin MacDiarmid - 26 - Cassandra Wildcats
RE Goran Kravikovic - 22 - Hagenheim Vagabonds

It has been a good run for Oskirk Hevermann, who has spearheaded Cosumar's pass rush for a decade. He'll still play a key role on this team, but it's now the time for the generation of Melvin MacDiarmid and Connell Rapoport to rise. They'll push starters Jameson and Tancredi, both former NSCF Defensive Player of the Year finalists who have achieved that same level of production in the CFL. Tancredi's effectiveness sacking the quarterback is a huge reason why the Dawchire Eagles have flipped from lovable losers to true contenders in recent seasons. The secret to his success is his flawless technique and arsenal of well-crafted moves. Jameson, on the other hand, is just a freakish athlete who overwhelms offensive linemen with his speed, power and relentless motor.


LINEBACKERS
LOLB Quin Wooton - 27 - Morponte Marauders
LOLB Dat Zheng - 32 - Versiaville Vikings

MLB Berahthram Nedved - 28 - Mallox Tigers
MLB Artur Seeger - 27 - Kaldukosic Blazers

ROLB Cygnus Cason - 27 - Na'Malsille Venom
ROLB Kalah Na'Safeh - 29 - Emerald Cove Conquistadors

After being broken in as the starter in World Bowl XXXI, Cygnus Cason is ready for the limelight as the bona-fide star of the Cosumarite linebacking corps. His play-reading instincts and closing speed are second to none on the roster. Berahthram Nedved is a physical presence in the middle who is a sure tackler and racks up a lot of them with his athleticism, but isn't quite the playmaker on the ball that alternate Seeger is. Mason may rotate the two quite a bit. Dat Zheng, meanwhile, is one of the most respected figures in the Cosumarite game after leading the Vikings D to a second Dragon Bowl last season. He will transition to a back-up role this season and guide the transition to starterhood for reigner CFL Defensive Player of the Year Quin Wooton. Groomed by the Marauders' machine, Wooton is a great, complete linebacker who is putting together a skillset that combines Zheng's consistency and leadership with the physical measurables that his elder never had.


CORNERBACK
Sveinn Sneijder - 29 - Samotath Scourge
DuAndre Castillo - 34 - Zakhoro Wolfpack
Lark Bowman - 23 - Centus Owls
Hedley Shrewton - 30 - Olask Dolphins
Curinho - 24 - Kaldukosic Blazers

Sneijder is the centerpiece of a Samotath Scourge defense that just stunned elite CFL offenses en route to the Silver Conference Championship, possessing all the smarts, speed and savvy you want in a corner. He's slightly shorter than you'd like, but that's made up for by the ageless DuAndre Castillo on the other side. Castillo is tall, wiry corner (6"5), with springy legs built for outjumping receivers. Don't even try to throw in his direction on jump-ball. Even at 34. A crop of young corners including Bowman and Curinho is pressing hard behind them.


SAFETY
SS Leumas Ren - 31 - Pelethas Thunder
SS Tad Partain - 26 - Dusk Bearcats

FS Devan Edelby - 30 - Kaldukosic Kataklysm
FS Kirum Sexton - 29 - Flen Jaguars

What do opponents need to know about the Cosumar secondary? Leumas Ren. That is all. The man is arguably the best safety in the history of the CFL and Cosumarite national team, blossoming into an incredible player over the last six seasons in Pelethas that have seen the Thunder dominate the league. His unquenchable fire and lust for contact make him a force to be reckoned with still after all these years. Kirum Sexton also revived his National Team career with a move to free safety last year that saw him lead the CFL in deflections despite playing on a bad team. He will back up longtime starter and Kataklysm captain Edelby, a long rangy playmaking safety. Tad Partain is the new blood in the unit, pushed into the conversation by a resurgent season for the Dusk Bearcats and their defense in which he caught six interceptions. He's an undersized but feisty defender who likes to mix it up with big star receivers, but is viewed as too undisciplined for the strict Mason to play him often.


SPECIAL TEAMS
K Xendel Reieffen - 37 - Altamirano Devils
K Latep Na'At - 28 - OAS Kingsmen

P Keevu Schavinski - 67 - Ramusok Stars
P Æðelbeorht Baardsson - 30 - Morponte Marauders

KR Devin Ferris (WR)
PR Nic Perrantes (RB)

Xendel Reieffen is as consistent as they come, a bona-fide institution for Cosumar on special teams over the years. Keevu Schavinksi, Ramusok's 67-year-old punter, remains one of the more remarkable stories in all of Gridiron. He's by far the longest-serving member of the National Team and still boots balls downfield like he did 45 years ago. How his unorthodox diet and legendary training regimen keeps him hardy at an advanced age is the subject of much speculation and curiosity year-in, year-out. Conspiracy theory has it that he might have some type of cyborg component or mechanical enhancement.




Schedule

MD1: Bye
MD2: vs. Taeshan (27)
MD3: @ Desertfoxenland
MD4: vs. New Dukaine
MD5: @ Lisander
MD6: Bye
MD7: @ Taeshan (27)
MD8: vs. Desertfoxenland
MD9: @ New Dukaine
MD10: vs. Lisander


RP Permissions

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my Scorers: Yes
Choose Scoring Events: Yes
Godmod Scoring Events: Yes
RP Injuries to my Players: Yes, but leave the severity up to me
Godmod Injuries to my Players: Yes
Godmod Other Events: Yes

[Bongo Johnson]

***MD2 Cutoff***

Mobo failed, had to build a whole new computer. World Bowl data and scorinations are fine (everything stored in the cloud) but definitely was not able to make normal cutoff time today. Normal cutoffs should apply from here on out, unless something bizarre happens again

[Bongo Johnson]

MD2 Results

Group A
BYE: The Fair Republic

West Phoenicia 7–3 Barunia
Greater Vakolicci Haven 9–6 Miloscia

Group A                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 West Phoenicia                            2    2   0   0    40   27  +13     6
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven                   1    1   0   0     9    6   +3     3
3 Barunia                                   2    1   0   1    26   27   −1     3
4 The Fair Republic                         1    0   0   1    20   23   −3     0
5 Miloscia                                  2    0   0   2    30   42  −12     0

Group B
BYE: Frenline Delpha

Parakos 0–17 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics
Nova Anglicana 33–23 Ethane

Group B                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Frenline Delpha                           1    1   0   0    27   10  +17     3
2 Nova Anglicana                            1    1   0   0    33   23  +10     3
3 Ethane                                    2    1   0   1    38   36   +2     3
4 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics       2    1   0   1    27   27    0     3
5 Parakos                                   2    0   0   2     3   32  −29     0

Group C
BYE: Torisakia

Allamunic States 10–30 The Kiaser Colonies
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 16–7 Free Republics

Group C                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 The Kiaser Colonies                       2    2   0   0    57   27  +30     6
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                   1    1   0   0    16    7   +9     3
3 Allamunic States                          2    1   0   1    26   43  −17     3
4 Torisakia                                 1    0   0   1    17   27  −10     0
5 Free Republics                            2    0   0   2    20   32  −12     0

Group D
BYE: New Dukaine

Lisander 9–21 Desertfoxenland
Cosumar 13–12 Taeshan

Group D                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 New Dukaine                               1    1   0   0    20   10  +10     3
2 Cosumar                                   1    1   0   0    13   12   +1     3
3 Taeshan                                   2    1   0   1    36   27   +9     3
4 Desertfoxenland                           2    1   0   1    31   29   +2     3
5 Lisander                                  2    0   0   2    23   45  −22     0

Group E
BYE: Krossa

Trans-Dniesters 10–10 (F/OT) Ormencia Bythoria
Kaboomlandia 27–10 Ko-oren

Group E                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Ormencia Bythoria                         2    1   1   0    24   13  +11     4
2 Kaboomlandia                              1    1   0   0    27   10  +17     3
3 Ko-oren                                   2    1   0   1    31   30   +1     3
4 Trans-Dniesters                           2    0   1   1    13   31  −18     1
5 Krossa                                    1    0   0   1     3   14  −11     0

Group F
BYE: The Iron Syndicate

United States of Devonta 43–26 Abhichandra
Abanhfleft 23–0 Nephara

Group F                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 United States of Devonta                  2    2   0   0    56   26  +30     6
2 Abanhfleft                                1    1   0   0    23    0  +23     3
3 Abhichandra                               2    1   0   1    49   65  −16     3
4 The Iron Syndicate                        1    0   0   1    22   23   −1     0
5 Nephara                                   2    0   0   2     0   36  −36     0

Group G
BYE: Bongo Johnson

Kebec 6–33 Firebolt
Newmanistan 7–9 Gregoryisgodistan

1 Gregoryisgodistan                         2    2   0   0    19   14   +5     6
2 Bongo Johnson                             1    1   0   0    17   16   +1     3
3 Firebolt                                  2    1   0   1    49   23  +26     3
4 Newmanistan                               1    0   0   1     7    9   −2     0
5 Kebec                                     2    0   0   2    13   43  −30     0

Group H
BYE: Drawkland

Anthor 27–13 Seikuea
West Saintland 10–20 Ranoria

Group H                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Anthor                                    2    2   0   0    55   25  +30     6
2 Drawkland                                 1    1   0   0    64   30  +34     3
3 Ranoria                                   2    1   0   1    32   38   −6     3
4 West Saintland                            1    0   0   1    10   20  −10     0
5 Seikuea                                   2    0   0   2    43   91  −48     0

[Abanhfleft]

Young Guns, Part Ten

The big day had finally arrived. Kelly McGinnis was finally headed off for greener pastures, at least for the duration of the coming season. She was both excited and scared at the same time. She was finally going to go away from the Fhulghamous! Even an environmentalist could only stare at the verdant forests and sharp peaks of the Fhulghamous Peninsula for so long before that person would want to see something else, and that was exactly how Kelly felt right now. She had already conquered the Fhulghamous by winning the local Women’s Premier League title. She wanted a bigger challenge, and she hoped that the move to Hoventon & Corlington Town in Mercedini would give her that bigger challenge, but not too great a challenge.

Yet at the same time, Kelly was also scared. This was the first time that she was going away from home, at least the place that she had come to consider home. Moving from Mereilles to the Fhulghamous had been tough, but at least it was the whole family which had moved. Now, Kelly was about to move to another country entirely, and even though it was just for a year, Kelly was already feeling as if she was going to be cut off from her family forever.

“Always remember to write back, all right, Kelly?” her mother said for what had to be the hundredth time as the McGinnis family waited for the taxi that would take Kelly to the airport to finally arrive.

“Mom, you’re so old-fashioned!” Kelly said in reply. “I don’t need to write back to anyone anymore now that I’ve finally got the hang of Snapchat. Just follow me there and keep up with my stories!”

“Oh, come on, Kel,” Kenny McGinnis, Kelly’s twin brother, said. “You already said it yourself. Mom is old-fashioned. How do you expect her to know how to operate a smartphone, let alone get her own Snapchat account so she can follow you?”

“Hey, you two, stop it now,” their mother interrupted. “Just because I prefer to use cellphones and send emails doesn’t make me old-fashioned!”

“But it does, Mom,” Kenny said a little teasingly. “Nobody uses emails anymore, Mom. People now post, tweet, like, and share. We only ever use emails to sign up for social media and apply for jobs anyway.”

Before either Kelly or their mother could say anything about what Kenny just said, though, a silver sedan bearing the logo of a popular international driver-for-hire company stopped in front of their large suburban home, a luxury afforded to them by Kelly’s father’s position in a large mining corporation extracting diamonds from the Fhulghamous Peninsula’s large and rich deposits. “All right, Mom, Dad, Kenny, time for me to go,” Kelly said, and she adjusted her backpack so that its straps settled comfortably on her shoulders, and then she gave her family a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but for Kenny, she licked her lips so that saliva was almost dripping from them so that she could give her twin brother a very wet kiss.

“Shame on you, Kelly!” Kenny said as he wiped the saliva from his cheek, although he was smiling. “You’re already on your way to becoming a grown woman and yet you’re still doing such disgusting behaviour!”

“That’s why I love you, Kenny,” Kelly said, blowing him another kiss. “But seriously now, Dad, Mom, Kenny, it’s time for me to say goodbye, so… goodbye. I love you all. Yeah, even you, Kenny.”

“I love you too, Kel,” Kenny said. “I’m even gonna miss you and the way you always drool on yourself whenever you have to kiss me every time we have to offer peace during Mass.”

“And I’m gonna miss your dry wit, Ken,” Kelly said back. “Well, I guess this really is goodbye after all,” she added, and then she picked up the gym bag carrying her other belongings beside her and began walking towards the car.

“Kelly!” her mother shouted. Kelly turned around and called out, “Yeah, Mom?”

“Remember to do the thing we talked about!”

“Yeah, Mom, I’ll do it, I promise!” Kelly waved farewell at her family once again—god, was saying goodbye really this hard?—and then she finally got into the back of the car and looked back at her family long and hard for one last time before the car finally rounded a corner and their house vanished from view. Kelly couldn’t repress a little sniffle as she felt a tear or two begin to form in her eyes. That was the last time that she was going to see her family, at least in the flesh, for the next year. The advent of modern technology and social media had meant that Kelly could still see her family once she arrived in Mercedini and while she stayed there for her season-long loan to Hoventon & Corlington, but there was still nothing which compared to actually talking to her mom and dad and even Kenny face to face.

With one last wistful look back, Kelly finally settled into the backseat and sighed, and then she remembered what she and her mother had just talked about so she took out her phone and texted the details of her ride (the name of the driver, the make and model of the car, and even the car’s license plate) to her mom, dad, and brother Kenny. There had been a string of rapes and sexual assault cases committed by taxi drivers and drivers-for-hire in recent months, and Kelly texting the details of her ride would make sure that her family knew exactly who was with her in the unfortunate event that anything ever happened to her on the way to the airport. Her texts sent, Kelly leaned back into her seat once again and settled in for the ride.

It was about ten minutes or so into the ride when Kelly felt that something was just a little bit not right. She was somewhat familiar with the streets of Besanza and was definitely familiar with the road to the airport, and she could see that they were not traveling down the right path. “Hey, driver, where are we going?” she asked. “This isn’t the way to the airport.”

“Just a shortcut, miss,” the driver replied in a gravelly voice. “We got traffic on the way to the airport, and we don’t want you to be late for your flight, do we?”

“I guess you have a point there,” Kelly conceded. “But… just get us there quickly, please?”

“Will do,” the driver replied. But fifteen minutes later and they were still deep within the side streets of Besanza, and Kelly had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she was just being driven around in circles. Five minutes after that, when Kelly was now definitely sure that they had just passed the local basketball stadium yet again, she raised her voice and said, “Driver, you can just drop me off here now, please. I think I’d rather take my chances with the traffic.”

“Sorry, miss, I’m afraid I can’t do that,” the driver said. “I got my orders and I’m just following them.” He then pressed a button on his door which automatically locked the doors of his car. Kelly’s heart began to beat rapidly at that moment. She didn’t know what the driver or whoever was giving him his orders wanted to do with her, but she was sure that she wasn’t going to like it one bit. Kelly reached for the lock on her door, unlocked it, and tried to force the door open, but the door wouldn’t budge. Child-locked, she thought to herself. She then slid over to the door on the other side and did the same thing with the exact same results. Shit! I’m trapped! Kelly immediately reached for her phone and was just about to type a message to her family when she noticed that there was no cell service. “Sorry about that, miss,” the driver said, “but we can’t have anyone else knowing that we’ve got you and we have to talk to you so I had to have the signal jammer on right now.”

“Talk to me?” Kelly asked. “What do you want to talk about with me? If this has anything to do with my dad’s company then you’re not going to get anything from us or from the company!”

“It’s got nothing to do with your dad’s company, miss. Trust me,” the driver said, still with the same emotionless gravelly voice, “just sit back and relax and let my boss do the talking. You’ll understand things better from him, I promise.” The driver then turned the car towards a dark parking lot and parked in a space which was very far away from any light sources. The driver killed the engine and then he got out of the car, locking it behind him as he walked away.

Kelly had no idea how long she waited for something to happen. She certainly spent some time trying to force open the doors but they all had been child-locked before she had been picked up with the single objective of keeping her inside the car in mind. After failing to open any of the doors, Kelly then tried to use her phone once again, but the jammer must still be active as she still couldn’t get any bars on her phone. Having realized that she was now out of options, Kelly set aside her phone and waited for what was coming. She hoped that whatever was in store for her didn’t involve her being trapped in some kind of car bomb. That was one of the more unpleasant deaths there ever could be, in her honest opinion.

Finally, the car unlocked itself and another man stepped into the driver’s seat before locking the car once again. Kelly could tell that this man was not the driver who had taken her to this place as the driver was a heavyset man and a thick neck while this new arrival was very much slender, almost even willowy in appearance. He wore a black hoodie to cover his hair and a white featureless plastic mask over his face. Kelly, upon seeing another person in the car with her, finally found the courage within her and she asked the newcomer, “Who the hell are you and what do you want with me?”

“You are Kelly McGinnis,” the masked man said. “You are currently playing for Airbus Fhulghamous Besanza Women’s Football Club, but for this season you are to be loaned out to Hoventon & Corlington Town Football Club in Mercedini for the whole of the season as per your demands for a move to a foreign club.”

“Well, I would be on my way to Mercedini if you hadn’t just had me kidnapped by my Uber-Grab driver,” Kelly said. “Look, buddy, you better tell me what you want to tell me right now or tell me I’m being kidnapped or else I’m going to be late for my flight to Riuwiee and people are going to wonder where the hell I am.”

“Don’t worry about that, Kelly,” the masked man said. “No one will realize that you will be late for your flight. Your flight is currently being delayed due to technical difficulties, and those technical difficulties will only be sorted out once you finally board your flight. You will not be late for any flight. You can trust me on that.”

“Who are you people?” Kelly asked. “How can you have the power to hold flights and that kind of shit? Only the MSS and the RBI should be able to do that kind of thing.”

“We are not the MSS, and neither are we the RBI,” the masked man replied. “The RBI is actually our enemy. They took down one of our cells as we were trying to force change within the corrupted system of international sports. You see, Miss McGinnis, there are a lot of people in our beloved country who believe that we really should be doing much better in the field of sports than we already are, and this is not just due to the incapability of our players to achieve their true potentials. There is an outside force trying to keep the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft down on its knees and keep us from achieving the true successes that we have deserved already. We used to be many small groups, but now we have come under a single banner and name, and we now call ourselves the True Fans of Abanhfleft.”

“Holy shit,” Kelly muttered. Everyone who was anyone had heard of the True Fans of Abanhfleft, those die-hard nutjobs who firmly and fervently believed that there was a wide-ranging conspiracy whose sole aim was to deprive Abanhfleft of any victories in the international sporting stage. Of course, anyone with half a brain knew that this wasn’t true; sometimes Abanhfleft’s players and teams just weren’t up to the task, and sometimes their opponents were just that much more motivated than they were. And the sole fact which was the basis of the True Fans’ beliefs wasn’t true at all; Abanhfleft had actually already won a bunch of trophies in many major international tournaments. But the thing with those who subscribed to conspiracy theories was that there was no piece of evidence which couldn’t be twisted to fit their own warped worldview. In fact, the True Fans had already claimed that Abanhfleft’s title victories in international tournaments had actually been allowed by the members of the conspiracy for the sole purpose of deflecting any attention to their conspiracy, but the True Fans claimed that they knew the true purpose of the conspirators and they were determined to expose them for the cheating frauds that they were by any means necessary.

The event which had well and truly thrust the True Fans into the spotlight was their abduction of the ambassador of Saint Kanye to the Empire of Cats, Nina Dirnt, during the semifinals of the 23rd International Basketball Championships. That particular cell of True Fans who had stashed the abducted ambassador right in the heart of Qasden’s T.V. City had demanded that the Saint Kanye Surge (the national basketball team of the Glorious Republic of Saint Kanye) be stripped of their rank and titles in the IBC and the current title handed over to the Abanhfleft Rebolusyonaryos by default. After four days of searching which coincided with the Finals of the 23rd IBC, that cell of True Fans were eventually apprehended by a combined force of Fleftic, Kanyean, and Catsian special forces operatives, led by a special task force from Abanhfleft’s Republican Bureau of Investigation.

Kelly McGinnis could only guess at what the Real Fans of Abanhfleft could possibly want with her. “What do you want from me?” she asked.

“We only want you to see that we speak the truth,” the masked man said. “The conspiracy is real. Have you, by any instance, watched the latest Di Bradini Cup lately?”

“No, not really, I haven’t,” Kelly replied. “Sorry about that.”

“Well, let me tell you a little something which happened in the latest Di Bradini Cup,” the masked man said. “Abanhfleft was drawn in a group which included Nephara, The Iron Syndicate, and Ethane. Abanhfleft’s first game in this Di Bradini Cup was against Ethane. That game ended in a 3-3 draw. That shouldn’t have happened at all. Why? Because Ethane fielded a team which included players over the age of 21. The Di Bradini Cup is supposed to be a successor of the Under-21 World Cup which means that only players under the age of 21 should be able to participate in this tournament. Yet Ethane was allowed to play their games with a number of overage players. Our own football federation raised this problem to the Vanorian authorities but no action was taken against Ethane, and they were allowed to play against us. Two of the Ethane players who scored against us were actually overage and therefore they should not have been able to play at all. If the Vanorian authorities had followed the rules of the tournament then Abanhfleft should have been awarded the victory due to the Ethane team’s violations of the rules, and even if it was decided that Ethane could play, but without their overage players, we would have won the match 3-1 and we might have stood a chance of qualifying in that tournament. But because we drew against an Ethane team which shouldn’t have been allowed to compete at all, at least not with their overage players, then we would have carried momentum into the games against Nephara and The Iron Syndicate and we could even have won all our games in the group stage and therefore topped our group. And if that doesn’t convince you, then perhaps the final against Anglatia in the 3rd Sporting World Cup should be more than enough for you. If not, I can bring up numerous cases in which we were cheated out of our rightful titles.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Kelly asked. “Why tell me, some sixteen-year-old girl who’s still trying to make it big into the game, instead of the people who could actually make a change like the folks in the SFA or some of the really established stars?”

“We already did that. It didn’t work. The Samahang Futbol ng Abanhfleft and all the other national sports federations and organizations refuse to deal with us because we are considered to be criminals. And those established stars which you have talked about are more than content with letting the conspirators get away with denying us our rightful titles and trophies. Even Newton Isaacs, the man who revealed the truth of the whole matter to us True Fans, has backed down from his views and refuses to acknowledge his right as leader of the True Fans.”

“Newton Isaacs didn’t reveal anything; he just said he didn’t want to win the IBC after we got swept by Saint Kanye,” Kelly said even though she had a feeling that this masked man, deluded as he was with his own beliefs, wouldn’t pay any attention to her attempts to dissuade him.

“But don’t you see the hidden meaning behind his words? He no longer wants to win the International Basketball Championships because he knows that we will not be able to do so as long as the conspiracy remains in place and we are kept down by these envious people. And it’s more of the same with the stars we’ve reached out to. But you, Kelly, you’re young. You’re still full of piss and vinegar and the drive to win no matter what. Surely you wouldn’t accept that we are not meant to win anything of value in the sporting stage lying down? That’s not the Kelly McGinnis the people and fans of Abanhfleft are used to seeing.”

“Look, man, whoever you are, there’s no reason for me to believe that there’s a big conspiracy out there aimed at denying titles and trophies to Abanhfleft,” Kelly retorted. “Sure, maybe I can give you the latest Di Bradini Cup with Ethane’s overage players. But the other times, we were just plain and simply outplayed. Saint Kanye were on a roll and we’re not close to the unstoppable force that we used to be in basketball, not that we were any sort of unstoppable force there to begin with; we were stopped plenty of times in the IBC. And we were both unlucky and too complacent against Bvriania in the Rugby World Cup. Bad luck is real, man. Get over your conspiracy theory and shit! I’m not falling for it, whatever you try to show or tell me.”

The masked man sighed and shook his head. “I was really hoping that it wouldn’t come to this,” he said, “but you’ve given me no other choice.”

“All right, now what is this? Are you going to kill me because I won’t join your deluded organization? You know better than that,” Kelly bluffed, hoping that what she was saying was really going to happen. “You kill me and you’re going to bring the RBI and the MSS down on your group like a very heavy sack of bricks.”

“Don’t worry, Kelly,” the masked man said, and Kelly could see the grin on his face even despite the mask. “The True Fans are not in the business of killing. Aldo Thomson is a special case but he took his decision upon himself, and anyway, he blew himself up before the True Fans organized ourselves into the force that we are now. We’re not going to kill you. But I have to tell you not to tell anyone else about what we have just discussed, or else we will be forced to take… drastic measures with you. Thank you, Miss McGinnis, and have a good flight to Mercedini.” The masked man then went out of the car, and within seconds the original driver was back in his place.

“You still want to go to the airport, miss?” the driver asked. “And don’t even think about calling the cops or your family; the jammer’s still active.”

“Just get this over with, please, and get me out of here,” Kelly said. She had no idea why she was being so boisterous around these people when she knew that there was no way that she should even be this callous and dismissive right in the presence of people who truly believed what they were saying. The True Fans of Abanhfleft were little more than fanatics and they were determined to prove their theory that a large conspiracy is actively preventing Abanhfleft from winning any significant silverware no matter what, and they were also determined to convert as many people into their belief system as possible to show that they are not just a fringe sector but an actual segment of society. Well, Kelly McGinnis is definitely not going to be the first actual athlete to publicly believe in this bullshit conspiracy, and I certainly won’t believe in it in private, she told herself as the car drove out of the parking lot and back onto the road. Within minutes they were already at the airport, and the driver finally unlocked the car and allowed Kelly to step out by herself, but not before leaving with a few parting words. “Please, don’t tell anyone else about what just happened, or else we will take drastic measures to prevent nothing will come of this,” the driver said, and then he returned to the car and drove off in a cloud of dust and exhaust.

Kelly snorted and then she immediately reached for her phone once again. Now that she was far away from the signal jammer, nothing was preventing her from sending a message or making a call to her family to tell them what had just happened. But as soon as he tried to make a call, all she could hear from her phone was an automated message telling that she didn’t have enough credit balance to make a call. Kelly cursed and then she tried sending a text, but she didn’t have enough credits to do that as well. Fuck, these guys really thought of everything, Kelly thought, and then, fuming, she proceeded towards the check-in counter where she had been told the plane would be kept waiting for her so that she didn’t miss the flight to Riuwiee and cause a disturbance in the routine which the RBI could pick up and use to investigate the True Fans.

“You’re just in time, Miss McGinnis,” the man behind the counter said as he examined Kelly’s tickets. “And you’re in luck as well. The plane has been delayed by technical problems so I don’t see any problem in squeezing you aboard. Mandy, take over for me, will you, while I escort our passenger to her plane?” the man asked another fellow clerk behind the counter. The man then stepped out from behind the counter and, true to his word, escorted Kelly straight to the gate where the plane that would take her to the Fleftic capital of Riuwiee and her connecting flight to Mercedini was currently going through “technical difficulties.” The man unlocked the door to the jetway and personally led Kelly to her seat on the plane. As soon as the man from the counter disembarked from the plane, Kelly heard the plane’s public address system chime on and the pilot, “This is your captain speaking, ladies and gentlemen, and I am here to tell you that our technical difficulties have finally been solved and we can now proceed with our flight to Riuwiee. Thank you for your patience, our dear passengers, and thank you for flying with Fhulghamous Airlines.”

Only one thing was on Kelly McGinnis’ mind as she settled in for the flight from Besanza to Riuwiee: I have to get in contact with someone, anyone, and tell them about what the True Fans just told me. I just don’t know how to do that or who I have to talk to.

[The Kiaser Colonies]

Nobody ever said the Kiasers were immune to extreme hubris. Far from it. But seriously, how about that for a win? As upsets go, they don't come much bigger than minnows beating a top 5 nation. Just a the result the Kiaser Colonies needed to turn some heads back home. Finally the general public were getting the news. The results made it into the broadsheet papers, onto the radio, the news, there were highlights on the main TV channel late that night. There was even a reported (and confirmed!) sighting of team jerseys on sale in a sports shop in Kaiserville.

Yes, the people really liked to big up their sporting achievements. Had it been the football (soccer) team beating the current world champions, it would have been the height of excitement. Breaking news live from the venue after the final whistle, full highlights, celebrations across the country. And a sudden rise in birth rates nine months later. Comparatively, this was pretty big form American football seeing as it went from being avoided to talked about in bars.

Nobody was quite sure where the performance had come from. How these amateurs turned up and comprehensively beat the Allamunic States. They were as talented and as professional and talented professionals got. Leonard James must have mastered the team talk, because something had his charges fired up. The Bourne brothers being imperious in defence, with each of Mason and Tyson breaking through to sack the opposing quarterback more than once. The kind of form that probably even had our defence coach Taika MacDonald questioning just if that's a normal amount of times for that to happen? But some how, the stand out performer of the day in defence was 36 year old, househusband and father of 3, Tom McKenzie. From how he played today, you wouldn't have guessed he plays for a social team on Thursday evenings and reads children's books on a nightly basis. Because he was tearing into the States running backs with wince inducing intensity. Anything that went down his alley could be considered a wasted down. The one run that made the necessary distance on his side was met with a crunching tackle that resulted in a fumble that saw Jason Bourne collect and score a touch down in the fourth quarter. You'd almost feel sorry for any monster that made the mistake of hiding under his daughters bed.

And the attack, not to be outdone, put on an impressive display too. Notable highlights included another dazzling run from Mitchell Duke. Receiving the kick off for the second half, Duke gave a master class in footwork. In the mesmerising run he sent defenders flailing round him as he side dodged one, spun out of another attempted tackle before executing a strong fend to push a third back. The run to the end zone all but clear now bar the final defender hanging behind. One outrageous side step and some powerful acceleration off the mark resulted in the rugby-american football dual star scoring the Kiaser Colonies first touch down of the game, his second of the tournament. Several other clever plays resulted in good yards made and momentum built. Quarterback Ben Christensen maintained his high percentage of pass completion during the course of the display.

The game had actually started quite well for the opposition. Marching up the field and scoring a touchdown off a good running move through the middle of the defensive line. Willard-Lacey kept the Kiaser's in touch for the quarter though by kicking 2 field goals. In the second quarter, both defences successfully stifled the opposition attack, with both sides trading field goals to leave the favourites leading 10-9 at the half. Then Duke's sensational score upped the Kiaser's already solid and confident performance to a great one. A second touch down to running back Vern Victors in the third quarter and the final touchdown from Jason Bourne saw the Kiaser Colonies put a nice finish on the scoreboard after a battling performance from the entire squad.

A big scalp claimed for the rookies, one that leaves them in poll position with two wins from two. No let up for the next game though as they take on 13th seeds in the world, the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, who opened their campaign with a 16-7 over the Free Republics. If the Kiaser's could land another big upset in this game, it would put them into a position to actually think about their qualification prospects, which would be invaluable to the growth of the sport in the Kiaser Colonies.

[Bongo Johnson]

***MD3 Cutoff***

[Bongo Johnson]

MD3 Results

Group A
BYE: Miloscia

Barunia 7–7 (F/OT) Greater Vakolicci Haven
The Fair Republic 16–3 West Phoenicia

Group A                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 West Phoenicia                            3    2   0   1    43   43    0     6
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven                   2    1   1   0    16   13   +3     4
3 Barunia                                   3    1   1   1    33   34   −1     4
4 The Fair Republic                         2    1   0   1    36   26  +10     3
5 Miloscia                                  2    0   0   2    30   42  −12     0

Group B
BYE: Ethane

Union of Socialist Alpine Republics 55–17 Nova Anglicana
Frenline Delpha 47–13 Parakos

Group B                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Frenline Delpha                           2    2   0   0    74   23  +51     6
2 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics       3    2   0   1    82   44  +38     6
3 Nova Anglicana                            2    1   0   1    50   78  −28     3
4 Ethane                                    2    1   0   1    38   36   +2     3
5 Parakos                                   3    0   0   3    16   79  −63     0

Group C
BYE: Free Republics

The Kiaser Colonies 14–27 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Torisakia 21–26 Allamunic States

Group C                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                   2    2   0   0    43   21  +22     6
2 The Kiaser Colonies                       3    2   0   1    71   54  +17     6
3 Allamunic States                          3    2   0   1    52   64  −12     6
4 Free Republics                            2    0   0   2    20   32  −12     0
5 Torisakia                                 2    0   0   2    38   53  −15     0

Group D
BYE: Taeshan

Desertfoxenland 6–37 Cosumar
New Dukaine 23–70 Lisander

Group D                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Cosumar                                   2    2   0   0    50   18  +32     6
2 Lisander                                  3    1   0   2    93   68  +25     3
3 Taeshan                                   2    1   0   1    36   27   +9     3
4 Desertfoxenland                           3    1   0   2    37   66  −29     3
5 New Dukaine                               2    1   0   1    43   80  −37     3

Group E
BYE: Ko-oren

Ormencia Bythoria 16–17 Kaboomlandia
Krossa 15–21 Trans-Dniesters

Group E                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Kaboomlandia                              2    2   0   0    44   26  +18     6
2 Ormencia Bythoria                         3    1   1   1    40   30  +10     4
3 Trans-Dniesters                           3    1   1   1    34   46  −12     4
4 Ko-oren                                   2    1   0   1    31   30   +1     3
5 Krossa                                    2    0   0   2    18   35  −17     0

Group F
BYE: Nephara

Abhichandra 3–55 Abanhfleft
The Iron Syndicate 19–23 United States of Devonta

Group F                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 United States of Devonta                  3    3   0   0    79   45  +34     9
2 Abanhfleft                                2    2   0   0    78    3  +75     6
3 Abhichandra                               3    1   0   2    52  120  −68     3
4 The Iron Syndicate                        2    0   0   2    41   46   −5     0
5 Nephara                                   2    0   0   2     0   36  −36     0

Group G
BYE: Gregoryisgodistan

Firebolt 26–23 Newmanistan
Bongo Johnson 31–17 Kebec

Group G                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Bongo Johnson                             2    2   0   0    48   33  +15     6
2 Firebolt                                  3    2   0   1    75   46  +29     6
3 Gregoryisgodistan                         2    2   0   0    19   14   +5     6
4 Newmanistan                               2    0   0   2    30   35   −5     0
5 Kebec                                     3    0   0   3    30   74  −44     0

Group H
BYE: Ranoria

Seikuea 10–31 West Saintland
Drawkland 20–21 Anthor

Group H                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Anthor                                    3    3   0   0    76   45  +31     9
2 Ranoria                                   2    1   0   1    32   38   −6     3
3 Drawkland                                 2    1   0   1    84   51  +33     3
4 West Saintland                            2    1   0   1    41   30  +11     3
5 Seikuea                                   3    0   0   3    53  122  −69     0

[Kaboomlandia]

Phoenix excelling so far through two World Bowl matches

It hasn't been pretty so far, but Kaboomlandia will take it. The Phoenix, after defeating old rival Ko-oren 27-10 in their opening match, barely eked out a one-point victory against unranked Ormencia Bythoria to keep them on top of Group E. "It's not the game we were hoping for, but all we can do is take the three points and move on to focus on the game against Krossa," said head coach Ryan MacLeod after the game. Travis Reuben started, and while he wasn't the MVP quarterback that he was last tournament, he got the job done, completing 22 of 28 passes for 219 yards and a touchdown. Though the Phoenix are ranked fourth overall in the world, the Bythorians have been unexpectedly plucky this tournament, managing a 1-1-1 record through three games. "We're not going to blow out teams by fifty points like we did last tournament, so we have to buckle down and earn every point," continued MacLeod. Indeed, while memories such as the 69-13 demolition of Qasden last tournament may be fond to dwell upon, practicality is necessary because we all know how that season ended. Having the weakest group in the tournament hasn't helped much either, as the aforementioned Bythorians and the newcomers Pridnestrovia have been right in the swing of things as well. "We can't rest on our laurels, there's a lot of hungry newer teams in this group," mentioned tight end Jack White. Here's the call of the final play that secured the victory:

"Fifty-nine minutes and fifty-five seconds are gone in this football game. Kaboomlandia maintaining a slim one-point lead over Ormencia Bythoria thanks to a Caleb McCallum field goal. Bythorians trying to do the same here for the victory, kicking from the 47-yard line. Both teams have been quite even tonight, both with great offensive and defensive plays. Five seconds to go here on the kick, this will be the final play. Ormencia Bythoria setting up for the snap, and it is back, held, kicked...BLOCKED! A linebacker, I think it was Darren Drouin, got his hand on the ball and deflected it safely to the sideline! The Phoenix will take the slim victory!"

Next up is Krossa, who are ranked last in Group E. Around the tournament, Lisander got their first win of the tournament thanks to a 70-23 thrashing of New Dukaine, while Abanhfleft demolished Abhichandra 55-3.

[Krossa]

The hotel, a smaller one that maintained it's luxury, had 1/4 it's floors rented by the Otters. The team had yet to go out for dinner, to try the good of this nation, to see it's culture and get a break. Even on bye week there was no free time, with the team agreeing to practice on drills for three days of the week. The team wanted a real break, although even than some agreed that it would be immature to celebrate after a loss. Two losses. Although it felt busy for the players, it was even busier for the coaching staff who were working on a scheme that better used the TE. They wanted a asset who could block when the QB and rushing backs had to run but then also someone who could catch. The starting TE, Vortusk, was a great blocker however play calling restricted him from using that strength, which some would argue is even better than is catching ability. Either way something had to change more in the offense than in the defense. Although the scores looked bad it was mostly due to the offenses inability to answer back against the opponent.

Eric Komorav, QB, wondered where this game went wrong. Maybe it was just the unfamiliarity of this place. His girlfriend was flying in two days so maybe that would get him in a better move. It would also be a good idea to get used to this nation, maybe he could go sightseeing with her. The star thought back to yesterday's game however. He did decent, two touchdowns and quite a lot of passing yards. He had also...

Hey, atleast we scored a touchdown!

"...Ight into his hands! Four feet ahead of him, about another foot above him, and right into the damn corners hands. They had him covered perfectly, yet on the other side of the field we have Savella, not covered and wide open. And who does Komorav through to? Well, the answer isn't Savella and it isn't Reijo. It's a ghisy infront of Reijo! Perfect sense, right? Someone call a priest, I think Komorav is possessed!"Dave Kouchi took a deep breath.

"He did alright. Two touchdowns, a beautiful rush and a slippery spin move, and a otherwise decent performance. But he threw that pick to end the game....I pulled my hair so hard that I had to go to the barber to get it fixed. But anyways, if we see Komorav get into control I think he can be dominant against Kabloomlandia. That is hard to say however because this 2-0 team is a experienced force to be reckoned with. The defense in yesterday's performance did alright, allowing two touchdowns on the opponents sighed with a forced fumble recovery and a pick. The linebackers improved and were more aware of the running game with a good blitz here and there. The opponent was pretty restricted by our defense if you take away the easy touchdown caused by Komorav's pick. They prevailed on occasion by mixing up their play and complimenting short gains with a large gain here and there. Ukko Halla and Jyri Samella teamed up for a combined pick and a handful of deflections. The safeties were decent at covering downfield and Alpi Raisanen's big hit and forced fumble on a WR, which was totally legal, was my play of the game. Congratulations defense...congrats.

[Abanhfleft]

Super Gridiron, Part Three

Hotel Kostelnikova
Tiraspol, Transnistrian Socialist State, Pridnestrovia

“Congratulations on your new league,” the ambassador of the Democratic Republic of Abanhfleft to the Democratic People’s Republic of the United Socialist States of Pridnestrovia said to Anastasiy Olegovich Kornilenko, newly confirmed as the first commissioner of the new Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. “It’s about time you guys had an American football league of your own. Basketball and soccer are all good and everything but even you guys have had to admit that American football could very well be the next big thing.”

“Yes, Comrade Ambassador, that’s exactly what we thought when we decided to finally go ahead with establishing the Gridiron Super League,” Kornilenko said. “One can only stay isolated from the rest of the sporting community for so long. Everyone seems to love gridiron, even our own people, so we decided that today was the right time to finally announce the establishment of the Gridiron Super League.”

“And the good thing about the new ‘special relationship’ between our two nations, Mr. Kornilenko, is that we are now both free to acknowledge Abanhfleft’s role in establishing American football in your country,” the Fleftic ambassador said. “After all, most of your national team’s players did receive their education in American football in our country. Now, Mr. Kornilenko, if you don’t mind me asking, I hope that you can answer a few of my questions regarding your new league.”

“I’d be very happy to oblige you, Comrade Ambassador, as long as it is not about vital trade secrets or state secrets of the Pridnestrovian Republic,” Kornilenko said with a smile.

“Nothing of the sort, my dear Anastasiy Olegovich,” the Fleftic ambassador said with a light chuckle. “Now, I’ve heard rumors that your Gridiron Super League is considering a restriction on foreign players in order to achieve your organization’s other aim of developing interest and talented Pridnestrovian players at the grassroots level. I do believe that the limit on foreign players is very much a good thing if you want to cultivate your own local talent, but I think I see a potential problem with this: most of your league’s players will be coming from Abanhfleft, after all. How can you work your way around your own rules?”

“That’s an easy question to answer, Comrade Ambassador,” Kornilenko replied. “You already said it yourself before, Ambassador. Most of our national team players are from your country, but as they had been born in Pridnestrovia or born to Pridnestrovian parents, they are still considered Pridnestrovians in the eyes of our law. That wasn’t always the case before because, as you know, Pridnestrovia and Abanhfleft used to be the old rivals until very recently, when the Pridnestrovian Republic found itself a new enemy and made its old enemy Abanhfleft into a close friend.”

“I do hope that this special relationship doesn’t turn out to be a case of ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer,’ Anastasiy,” the Fleftic ambassador said with a wink.

“Perish the thought, Comrade Ambassador. Pridnestrovia recognizes that it has a new enemy and that enemy is definitely not Abanhfleft anymore. Anyway, as I was saying, there used to be a time when Pridnestrovian law dictated that anyone who left Pridnestrovia to live in Abanhfleft and acquired Fleftic citizenship were immediately stripped of their Pridnestrovian citizenship. This was the time the Comrade President was still coming to grips with the power of his position and he was still learning the ropes. Now, the Comrade President knows better, and he also knows who his friends and enemies are, and Pridnestrovians who had once left the country are now welcome back with open arms with their Pridnestrovian citizenships waiting for them. This is how we are going to get talented Pridnestrovian players in our league’s teams, but of course we hope that the time will come that locally-born Pridnestrovian players will eventually form the backbone of every team in the league, as is the case with the Super League and the Basketball Super League.”

“Well, Anastasiy Olegovich, I wish you good luck for your own endeavours, as well as the endeavours of the Gridiron Super League.” Kornilenko and the Fleftic ambassador shook hands before the latter went off to confer with one of his attaches. Kornilenko then went around the room making his manners to the guests before he was approached by another ambassador, this time the one from Barunia. “Good afternoon, Comrade Ambassador,” Kornilenko said to him. “What can I do for you today?”

“I think you’ve already heard this a lot of times, Mr. Kornilenko, but I would just like to say it again as I feel that it cannot be said enough,” the Barunian ambassador said. “Congratulations on finally establishing a nationwide gridiron league in Pridnestrovia, Mr. Kornilenko. It’s definitely much more than my own country has. Sure, we have our own national team and even a competitive college team in the NSCF, but I fear that the time when we get our own national league may still be quite a long way away.”

“Don’t put yourself and your country down so quickly, my dear Comrade Ambassador,” Kornilenko said. “Nothing is impossible, after all. Five years ago, if someone suggested here in Pridnestrovia that it was time to establish our own gridiron league, they would have been laughed right out of our country. But now, it is obvious that this is what the people of Pridnestrovia wanted, and we just gave it to them.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” the Barunian ambassador nodded.

“Is there something you want to say, Comrade Ambassador?” Kornilenko asked. “Is something troubling you? Or is this a matter between Barunians and only Barunians?”

“Yes, Mr. Kornilenko, you could say that,” the Barunian ambassador replied, “but it is a matter in which I believe you can help us out. You see, the Barunian government has decided that while there is definitely support in our nation for gridiron football, it is not yet enough to warrant the creation of our own league. But we all know that it is definitely not in anyone’s interests to let our national team and our college team rot in the sidelines while we wait for the next World Bowl or NSCF. We have a team of players but nowhere to let them play. Our government has been searching for a good league in which our players could participate as their own team, and I was wondering whether your Gridiron Super League would be open to let a team from another nation participate.”

“That’s certainly an intriguing proposition that you’ve given me there, Comrade Ambassador,” Kornilenko said, rubbing his chin and thinking about what he had just learned. The Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League currently had nine teams set to participate in its first season, but the aim of the Special Commission had been to create a league with an even number of teams. The Special Commission had received word that the Kesselburger Sporting Union (to which belonged teams such as Kesselburger Kickers of the Pridnestrovian National Premier Football League, the Kesselburger Cagers of the Pridnestrovian Basketball Super League, and the Kesselburger Ruckers of the Rugby Super League) intended to assemble a gridiron team by acquiring at least one of the amateur gridiron sides playing in Kesselburg, but negotiations with regards to the takeover of one of these amateur teams was not proceeding as well as the Kesselburger Sporting Union had thought, and there was a real chance that the Gridiron Super League would begin play with only nine teams, not the worst number but also definitely not the optimum for the Special Commission. There wasn’t enough time to make contact with another organization in a good market interested in establishing a gridiron team. But here was another team, (almost) ready-made and just waiting for a league in which they could play. Anastasiy Kornilenko was already thinking about the distance between Pridnestrovia and Barunia and how they could let this Barunian team circumvent the rules about the cap on foreign players… “Have you any word on who else is interested in letting your team play in their league?” he asked the Barunian ambassador. “Because, Comrade Ambassador, we certainly are interested in letting your team play in our league.”

“I have no word yet from any other countries or from my government yet, Mr. Kornilenko,” the Barunian ambassador replied, “but I also have a few concerns about the rules of your league. I’ve heard that you have instituted a cap on foreign players to allow the development of your own players from the ground up. How could the Barunian team hope to compete in your league with rules like that?”

“What’s that they used to say about rules, Comrade Ambassador? They’re meant to be broken.” I’m making this up as I’m going along, aren’t I? Kornilenko thought to himself, and then out loud, he said, “We can just say that the Barunians are local players so long as they play for their team. In this case, a Barunian player playing in a Pridnestrovian team will be considered a foreign player, and likewise for a Pridnestrovian player in the Barunian team. But Barunians in the Barunian team will all be considered local players and therefore not under the foreign player limit rule.” Damn it, if this goes through and the Barunians do become the tenth team of the Gridiron Super League then I’m going to make sure that I will add that rule, even if I have to write it down using my own blood as the ink, Kornilenko concluded to himself.

“Well, then, Mr. Kornilenko, in that case, I will pass this along to my government and they will think long and hard about your proposal,” the Barunian ambassador said. “Thank you for listening to me, and goodbye for now.”

“Yes, Comrade Ambassador, goodbye for now,” Kornilenko repeated. If the Barunian team was indeed the solution to the problem of a league with an odd number of teams then that meant that he only had one problem left now: the recruitment of female players to the Gridiron Super League. Kornilenko and the teams already had a few candidates in mind, but there was one player whom Kornilenko particularly wanted to see playing in Pridnestrovia, and he felt that he knew just the pitch to convince her to play in the Gridiron Super League.

---

128 Fenwick Street
Barangay Penalosa
Thereisnogodabad, Fhulghamous Peninsula
Three days later

It had been three months since Kelly Profit had graduated from Thereisnogodistan Community College with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and five months since Thereisnogodistan Community College were defeated in the NSCF playoffs for a spot in the knockout rounds once again to deny Kelly her final chance to win some silverware with the Atheists and make a name for herself in American football. She knew that her chance to become an American football star had gone up in flames once she and TCC had lost that playoff match because that was both her last chance to show her talents to the rest of the multiverse and Thereisnogodistan Community College’s failure to go deeper into the NSCF tournament was a sign that it was still a weak program with average (at best) players. Heck, some of TCC’s alumni were only breaking into the Fleftic national American football team for the first time such as their old quarterback Harrison Aumann (who happened to be Kelly Profit’s cousin, but that was beside the point at the moment), and other alumni had given up on the sport altogether, like Milan Iliev and Yusuf Khumaira, who both decided that they would rather play football (the sort of football where the foot is actually used to play the ball).

The last three months had been quite mind-numbingly boring for Kelly. It was hard for someone with a psychology degree to get decent work immediately after graduation, but that was beside the point for Kelly. She wanted to play American football, and not just in her grandparents’ house’s lawn and backyard. She wanted to play professionally and not just sit around the house on her phone or her laptop whiling away the days while the rest of her peers were already landing their first ever jobs and earning their first paychecks.

Of course, there was a way for Kelly to play professional American football in Abanhfleft, but for her, it meant giving up her own dignity if she went to play there. There was a league in Abanhfleft in which women could play American football professionally, but the league existed more for the entertainment value than for the actual sport itself. It was, of course, the Bikini League, so called because its players wore uniforms little better than bikinis or lingerie with armor padding. The pay was good; there were some actual rivalries and not just manufactured ones which the league owners wanted to present as part of a “storyline” (like professional wrestlers), but the league was mostly there to show off the bodies of the girls playing in it. And for Kelly Profit, who considered herself both a conservative and a feminist, the Bikini League was simply not an option. Nor were the amateur American football leagues scattered throughout Abanhfleft which at least respected women enough to let them play in uniforms similar to those worn by the men. They were amateur, after all, played by those who truly loved the game. Kelly loved the game as well, but she made no secret of wanting to get some money playing the game as well.

Kelly was lying down on the couch, watching YouTube on her laptop when the doorbell rang. Kelly sighed, removed her earphones, and walked over to the door to answer it. She looked through the peephole to look at the visitors. She didn’t recognize any of them but they all looked like they had been cut from the same mold of big Slavic person. They were wearing business suits, but that didn’t mean anything to Kelly. She had seen a lot of movies. Mobsters dressed like businessmen, even the Russian mafiya.

Kelly opened the door a little and stuck her face out. “Can I help you guys?” she asked.

“Are you Kelly Profit?” the smallest of the big Slavic types asked back.

Kelly considered saying no for a moment. “Yeah, I am,” she finally said. “Who are you again?”

“I’m Anastasiy Olegovich Kornilenko, Commissioner of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League,” the man replied. “These are my associates, Vladimir Orban, general manager of the Bratsk Dolphins, and Pylyp Stasiuk, one of the Dolphins’ star players. May we come in?”

“Oh,” Kelly said as the man’s words sank in. “Oh, yeah, of course, come in, come in,” she stuttered as she opened the door wider. “Make yourself at home. I’d offer you guys a drink or some bread but I don’t know how to do those things just yet.”

As the men from Pridnestrovia sat down in the living room, Kelly set herself up in one of the larger and comfier chairs so that she could talk to all of the men sort of face to face. “I’ve heard of your new league, sirs,” she said to them. “And I think that’s the reason why you’re here talking to me right now. You said that in order to integrate yourselves into the international sporting community, you’re going to allow girls to play in your, what did you call it again, Gridiron Super League. And I have a feeling that that’s what you want me to do for you, be the big name and popular face that attracts the other girls to play for your league as well.”

Anastasiy Kornilenko chuckled. “Did you read my script?” he asked with a smile. “Because you’ve just recited to me the gist of what I was supposed to be here to tell you. But it seems as if there’s no longer any need for us to busy ourselves with easing ourselves into the topic at hand. What do you want to know, then, Comrade Profit? Hey, I like that. It’s like the perfect mix of capitalism and communism. ‘Comrade Profit.’ It’s what people would call ironic, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it’s actually supposed to be.”

“Funny you should mention profit,” Kelly said. “I was just about to ask you guys about how much I’m going to be getting if I join you and your new league.”

Vladimir Orban, the ethnic Hungarian from the Ixanian Socialist State who was the general manager of the Bratsk Dolphins, took up the mantle of speaking from Kornilenko. “Under the current pay scheme instituted by the Special Commission on Gridiron Football on the Gridiron Super League to ensure both competitiveness and profits between the teams, you will be paid nine million rubles a week as per your role as the starting quarterback of the Dolphins.”

“By which you mean that I’m actually going to get only ninety thousand penenks, which isn’t even equal to thirty thousand NSDs now under the new exchange rate,” Kelly said. “I have an offer from the Bikini League telling me they’re willing to pay me upwards of fifty thousand NSD,” she bluffed. “What’s stopping me from barely even giving you guys and your offer a second thought and signing up for the Flashers or the Streakers or the Speedsters or whatever their teams are called?”

“We know that you’re a principled woman, Miss Profit,” Orban said. “You have your own beliefs and stick to them as well as any good Party ideologue. I have a feeling that you would rather take the pay cut if it meant that you maintained your dignity. We may not be able to pay you much, Miss Profit, but at least you get to keep your dignity and self-respect with you. With the other league, you might get tons of fat paychecks at the cost of a uniform that’s more for the satisfaction of the men than the protection of the women, and I believe that you consider that little better than whoring yourself out.”

“You have a point there, mister,” Kelly said knowingly. “All right, then. Say that I accept your offer to play. What’s it going to be like? How are the other players? What’s Bratsk like as a city or a fanbase?”

“Comrades, if you’ll allow me,” Pylyp Stasiuk interrupted, and Kornilenko nodded his assent for Stasiuk to take up the narrative. “To get a feel for what it’s like to be in Bratsk, Kelly, imagine as if you’re in either Port Thimpodopoulos or Besanza. Then imagine putting those two cities together. That’s what Bratsk is like. It’s an industrial town based mostly around mining and fishing. In Bratsk, though, we mine copper, nickel, aluminum, and titanium, as opposed to the diamonds and emeralds that you extract over in Besanza. But you get the gist. The people of Bratsk work hard for their families and their country and sports is one of the few ways that they can get to relax and enjoy themselves. But recently, they haven’t had much reason to enjoy. Chernomorets Bratsk has barely survived relegation from the Super League and they look like they could very well be going down next season, and the Bratsk Buccaneers of the Basketball Super League have been holding up the rest of the teams for a substantial number of years now. The Dolphins are just the thing that the people of Bratsk need to pick themselves up and we hope that you can help these hardworking people finally have a team which they would be proud to call their own.”

Kelly nodded her head. “All right, then, now let’s say that your pitch has convinced me to play for the Dolphins. Who are going to be my teammates? I know you’re going to be one of them, Pylyp, and to tell the truth, I’m actually looking forward to it because I remember that tackle you made on Ilham Menzhidekudov when the Wizards played the Dorfdifving Dreadnoughts. That’s just the sort of defensive play that I like.”

“You’ll be playing alongside guys like Denis Sokolov, Rolan Bogomolov, and Karekin Davidyan as your receivers,” Stasiuk replied. “For your defense, you’ve got yours truly, Cezary Gomulka, and Vladimir’s youngest son Edvin. It’s really a good and promising team, I tell you, and with you as our quarterback, we the Dolphins are confident that you could make us the first ever champions of the Gridiron Super League.”

“You had me at keeping my dignity, guys,” Kelly finally said after a few minutes of silence between them. “Now, where do I sign?”

Anastasiy Kornilenko couldn’t keep the smile from forming on his face. “Excellent, excellent!” he said, clapping his hands. “This is just perfect! The Gridiron Super League will really be the league of the future! Welcome aboard, Comrade Kelly! We hope to see even more inspirational things with you and we hope that you will set the example for both our incoming male and female players.”

“That’s a little bit too much for me, I think,” Kelly said frankly. “I think I’ll just stick to making Bratsk win for the people of Bratsk.”

They all shared a good laugh at that.

[Free Republics]

News Magazine

The Awful Austerity Budget Has Been Signed into Law by the Consuls
by: Royale Truchon

Consul Nicholls and Consul Bolton both signed the recently passed budget into law today, averting a government shutdown and inflicting brutal cuts known as "austerity" upon many essential programs. Given how little the Federation Government actually does, you'd expect that there wouldn't be much to cut, especially since the military's budget remained wholly untouched, but somehow our "representatives" in Republica found a way to slash spending anyway. According to the non-partisan Economic Policy Center, this "Austerity Budget" will reduce our GDP by approximately 1% in the coming year and will threaten our ability to feed ourselves, to provide even faith-based charity for the poor and to prevent working conditions from becoming even more inhumane and intolerable.

Even before the passage of this new budget, spending on many essential governmental responsibilities was zero. There was no Federation government spending whatsoever on health care, foreign aid, climate change, social justice or democracy promotion last year. I don't think I need to tell you that everything resembling a basic public assistance program has not existed in our nation at the federation level in decades. Our government also spends absolutely nothing on public broadcasting and, now that the Austerity Budget has been passed, we will not be spending any more money on science. How in the hell can a nation like ours remain competitive in the multiversal economy without staying on the cutting edge of science and, let's face it, we can't do that if the government refuses to fund science and leaves its funding entirely to profit-seeking corporations.

Amazingly, the military is whining about how this new budget allegedly cuts so-called "defense" spending even though the military's budget actually increases by 5 million thalers under it. This is obscene, especially after the extreme buildup of our military over the past dozen years. We now have a military strong enough and well-equipped enough to defend us against any foe and capable of invading just about any nation in the multiverse, so long as the soldiers do not mutiny. Our navy consists of thousands of warships, including many battleships that are exorbitantly expensive to keep around and have limited military utility. We have an air force that can launch thousands of fighter jets simultaneously. We even have a new Space Corps, which is seeking to weaponize space and secure the intergalactic ambitions of the megalomaniacs in the military. Yet, they get more money while we can't even spare scraps for scientific research.

Making matters even worse, this budget includes a massive tax cut that reduces the federational tax rate from 5% to 3% with the loss in revenue largely offset by corresponding spending cuts. However, there is an expectation, likely unfounded, that reducing these rates will likely boost GDP and thus increase revenue. This makes no sense, however, since many local jurisdictions, particularly those run by enlightened leaders such as Progressives, intend to raise their taxes in order since the 10% tax cap remains intact, so taxes for many people won't be coming down. By the way, that is a good thing because, as every educated person knows, taxes are the price we pay for civilization. Senator Sibylla Croteau told me via email that "This is a sad day for the Free Republics. This Austerity Budget slashes spending on vital public services and actually includes the proposal of a constitutional amendment that would prohibit any Republic from offering public funding for basic women's health services. Still, we must persist in our Resistance and we must never stop fighting for basic human decency in government."

That constitutional amendment has now been sent to the various Republics for approval. I urge all of my readers to contact your Republic representatives and tell them to block this proposed amendment and to increase funding for women's health organizations such as Preventing Parenthood. Don't let anybody tell you that Preventing Parenthood can be privately funded. Private funding would jeopardize their mission and open them up to pressure from corporations and plutocrats. Publicly funded birth control and abortion are fundamental human rights. Don't let the misogynists deprive you of your rights and even of your health. Don't let them force you to suffer through a 9-month illness that prevents you from living your life! If Jak Hamilton's national football team is deserving of public funding and if our soccer team has the right to use our armed forces to protect them from being brought to justice then surely women have the right to public funding for our health care. Only a misogynist would disagree with something so obvious!

Royale Truchon is a young journalist out of Guertin College. Royale chose the small liberal arts college in Keronama for its reputation as a haven for idealistic freethinkers who dream of a better multiverse. When she wasn't attending class or writing articles for the Guertin Sentinel, she spent her college years protesting against Consul Kulseth's tyranny and in favor of something better. Now, she wants to use her position at News Magazine to make a difference and help bring about social change.

[Nova Anglicana]

Statistical Highlights From Games 1 and 2

Lions-Red Kites Box Score

Lions-Bison Box Score

Offense: Quarterback Tim Moody is 48-83 for 555 yards, 5 TDs and 2 INTs through 2 games. His completion percentage is 57.8% and his QBR is 88.2, which is about average. The running game hasn't been worth much so far, with Steele and Dixon combining for 101 yards on 29 carries (3.5 average) and one touchdown. Wideouts Noah Cook and Hugh Carr have been leading the pack with 25 combined catches (Cook 13, Carr 12) and 328 yards (both 164) and all five touchdowns from Moody (Cook 3, Carr 2). The other offensive players have been marginal contributors.

Defense: We only have data from game 2, but Luke O'Brien led with 11 tackles and the starting linebackers combined for 35 tackles overall. Will Shelton and starting defensive end Jake Reese have one sack apiece. The defense was good enough against Ethane, but got ripped apart by the UAR.

Special Teams: Alain Hollande is 3-3 on field goals, but his long is 33, so he really hasn't been tested. He has also missed an extra point. Lucien Babin is averaging 43.5 yards per punt, but he has a long of 62 and two punts that traveled less than 30 yards. Special teams could improve, but isn't the biggest problem for this team right now.

[Ko-oren]

The Stallhaven Standard

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Established 1859

3 korona

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First and foremost, a small note of interest to our readers. Our coverage of the World Bowl tournament is about two days behind the actual happenings in the nation of Bongo Johnson. The cause of this is the state of technology in the two nations. As a fairly recent invention, we rely on telegraph for our reporters on the site to convey their information to us. However, as it seems, other nations seem to rely on a less tangible technology involving wiring information almost immediately - without a wire involved. We hope to implement this technology some day, but it seems about 200 years ahead of what we are currently capable of. Also, we have been directed to a museum to find a telegraph to use as it is in their eyes an "obsolete technology". With that, we hope to have informed you enough about the events in Bongo Johnson and the apparent delay between reports and actual match days.

Second, the fledgling nation of Ko-oren seems to hold some weight in the world of Gridiron football. It is so far unclear to us as to how this has developed. As far as we know, the Stallhaven Companies' League, inspired by the Stallhaven Companies' Baseball League in its setup, is the first attempt from the archipelago we call home to codify and organise gridiron football, professional or amateur. We are currently investigating where this reputation has come from, in between watching the endless stream of football that unfolds before our eyes.

Thirdly, the tournament is under way and by the time this text has found the reader in print, we might have already seen the second or third match day of the World Bowl. The Standard will henceforth report on the first game of the Ko-orenite team. The Greenblues, as some fans have casually refered to our team, have faced the team of Trans-Dniesters. The first opponent seemed to expect a passing opponent, like the teams we have so often seen in our first days in Bongo Johnson. In this foreign strategy, the quarterback is mostly a passing player without many physical duties. Now the sport has certainly moved in this direction domestically as well, but surely not as much as the foreign teams here. The rush is still often used in foreign strategies, but seemingly not as much as our team has done today.

Justin Hooligan started off the game by kicking off to our communist opponents. The red-dominated flag and hammer and sickle symbols are obviously important to them, however the true nature of their meanings was lost on us until far after the game. It took our defence seven scrimmages to retake possession, when the clock showed there were eleven minutes left to play in the first quarter. The entire remaining time of the first quarter was entirely Ko-orenite possession, ending in a touchdown for Wilbur Wellington on a 6-yard rush through a gap between Howard Lancaster and Robert Elliott, who certainly deserved to have their names recorded based on the merit of their accomplishments in setting up the space for Wellington to dash through. The end of the first quarter and the start of the second were completely Trans-Dniesters' possession, but again failed to record points. The end of the second quarter was another Ko-orenite touchdown, this time it was Devon Lindsay himself to misdirect the defence and run it in. A fake handoff to Sebastian Chamberlain set up the linebackers to dash left, and Lindsay went left as well, only left viewed from the opposite angle, and nobody came close to catch him short. At this point in time, rushing added 90 yards to Ko-oren's total, while receiving yards totalled to less than 50. Again, these statistics seem tiny compared to the totals of some teams in the competition, mostly because they do not efficiently march up or down the field, but instead have several possession changes in one quarter alone, and offences seem very comfortable quickly traversing 40-60 yards. A slower setup like our rushing attack takes far more time to work out, but does its job to frustrate the opposing defence anyway.

The third and fourth quarter were mostly similar to the first two, though Trans-Dniesters came close enough to kick for a field goal successfully. Ko-oren ran into the endzone one more time, for a final score of 21-3.

[Bongo Johnson]

***MD4 Cutoff***

[Bongo Johnson]

MD4 Results

Group A

Greater Vakolicci Haven 7–3 The Fair Republic
Miloscia 17–26 Barunia

Group A                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Barunia                                   4    2   1   1    59   51   +8     7
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven                   3    2   1   0    23   16   +7     7
3 West Phoenicia                            3    2   0   1    43   43    0     6
4 The Fair Republic                         3    1   0   2    39   33   +6     3
5 Miloscia                                  3    0   0   3    47   68  −21     0

Group B

Nova Anglicana 20–27 Frenline Delpha
Ethane 13–6 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics

Group B                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Frenline Delpha                           3    3   0   0   101   43  +58     9
2 Ethane                                    3    2   0   1    51   42   +9     6
3 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics       4    2   0   2    88   57  +31     6
4 Nova Anglicana                            3    1   0   2    70  105  −35     3
5 Parakos                                   3    0   0   3    16   79  −63     0

Group C

Royal Kingdom of Quebec 32–3 Torisakia
Free Republics 26–22 The Kiaser Colonies

Group C                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                   3    3   0   0    75   24  +51     9
2 The Kiaser Colonies                       4    2   0   2    93   80  +13     6
3 Allamunic States                          3    2   0   1    52   64  −12     6
4 Free Republics                            3    1   0   2    46   54   −8     3
5 Torisakia                                 3    0   0   3    41   85  −44     0

Group D

Cosumar 19–3 New Dukaine
Taeshan 36–18 Desertfoxenland

Group D                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Cosumar                                   3    3   0   0    69   21  +48     9
2 Taeshan                                   3    2   0   1    72   45  +27     6
3 Lisander                                  3    1   0   2    93   68  +25     3
4 Desertfoxenland                           4    1   0   3    55  102  −47     3
5 New Dukaine                               3    1   0   2    46   99  −53     3

Group E

Kaboomlandia 37–16 Krossa
Ko-oren 13–3 Ormencia Bythoria

Group E                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Kaboomlandia                              3    3   0   0    81   42  +39     9
2 Ko-oren                                   3    2   0   1    44   33  +11     6
3 Ormencia Bythoria                         4    1   1   2    43   43    0     4
4 Trans-Dniesters                           3    1   1   1    34   46  −12     4
5 Krossa                                    3    0   0   3    34   72  −38     0

Group F

Abanhfleft 36–37 The Iron Syndicate
Nephara 13–0 Abhichandra

Group F                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 United States of Devonta                  3    3   0   0    79   45  +34     9
2 Abanhfleft                                3    2   0   1   114   40  +74     6
3 Nephara                                   3    1   0   2    13   36  −23     3
4 Abhichandra                               4    1   0   3    52  133  −81     3
5 The Iron Syndicate                        3    1   0   2    78   82   −4     3

Group G

Newmanistan 29–3 Bongo Johnson
Gregoryisgodistan 27–0 Firebolt

Group G                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Gregoryisgodistan                         3    3   0   0    46   14  +32     9
2 Bongo Johnson                             3    2   0   1    51   62  −11     6
3 Firebolt                                  4    2   0   2    75   73   +2     6
4 Newmanistan                               3    1   0   2    59   38  +21     3
5 Kebec                                     3    0   0   3    30   74  −44     0

Group H

West Saintland 31–41 Drawkland
Ranoria 62–16 Seikuea

Group H                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Anthor                                    3    3   0   0    76   45  +31     9
2 Drawkland                                 3    2   0   1   125   82  +43     6
3 Ranoria                                   3    2   0   1    94   54  +40     6
4 West Saintland                            3    1   0   2    72   71   +1     3
5 Seikuea                                   4    0   0   4    69  184 −115     0

[Kaboomlandia]

Phoenix win convincingly to stay atop Group E

After barely squeaking past an unranked newcomer to the World Bowl, the Kaboomlandia Phoenix came out with a better performance, soundly defeating Krossa 37-16 to remain undefeated through their first three games of the 32nd World Bowl. Approaching the halfway point of the group stage, getting a strong start has been crucial. "We don't want to be chasing games late in the group stage, and we definitely don't want to rely on the results of other games to get us into the playoffs, so it's important we get on top of our group and stay there," commented Ryan MacLeod. "The team played a strong all-around game tonight and we're looking good against Pridnestrovia tomorrow." Travis Reuben once again started, and he played a big role in getting the Phoenix out to a big 21-10 lead at the half before mostly handing off to Andrew Michaels in the second half.

The first quarter didn't quite get off to the start the Phoenix wanted. After a completion to Manny Hayes midway through the first quarter, the veteran receiver was stripped of the ball by Krossan linebacker Arvi Suomi. Krossa worked efficiently from there, working small passes and then running the ball in from the four-yard line to go up 7-0. But this is Kaboomlandia we're talking about, and the gridiron powerhouse is no stranger to trailing in games. Ryan MacLeod's pass-first system is excellent for getting teams back in games, and the Phoenix quickly drew even thanks to a 33-yard completion to Lamar Anderson. The second quarter was when the Kaboomlandian defense got settled in, limiting Krossa to only a field goal from Alexi Vakardin while Jack White and Andrew Michaels scored touchdowns.

After halftime, the Phoenix kept right on going, as a 16-yard touchdown run from Michaels extended the lead to 28-10. Reuben was left in the whole game, but he simply handed it off to Michaels most of the time with an occasional pass to keep the defense honest. "Reuben was pulled out of games early several times with last year's juggernaut, and I don't really think that helped, so we left him in all game," explained offensive coordinator Mike McCarty.

The Phoenix next take on Pridnestrovia to wrap up the first half of the group stage.

[-Anthor-]

Three Games in, Voodoo are #1
A surprising set of victories, including against #2 Drawkland, see's the Celridge V's sitting ontop of their group

^{SHARE THIS:}

Gnaeus Tanicius Vopiscus (@Gnaeus Tanicius Vopiscus)(TH)
^{Uriel 22, 601AE 3:45 PM | Vaumort, Anthor}

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V's don't stop training; even when they get a week off and are coming off of three very impressive winsTH photo

Vaumort, Anthor(Herald) — Anthor is known for a few things; our scenic countryside drives and views, the northerners great passion for hockey, the southern metropolis's and our odd chance of success with sports, but I'd never thought we'd be known for sitting in first place in a World Bowl group, albiet only three games in; but still, this is the most successful debut of any Anthoran national team, in any sport. Ever.

The Celridge Voodoo's, for the Anthorans and foreigners alike who are uninformed, is the national team that is officially sanctioned by the AGL(Anthoran Gridiron League) and the Ministry of Sports, and therefore represents us in the gridiron international play; however, despite them being formed approximately eleven years ago, back when Andie Battle was the best quarterback in the league, they have never formally entered a World Bowl, and never formally entered any international competitions, aside from a few single games against regional neighbors and their national team, with mixed success. However, the Minister of Sport seemed particularly interested in seeing Celridge compete this year, especially after an official report from the Centerham Bank that stated that gridiron was the fourth largest sport in the Kingdom, trailing association football, ice hockey, and baseball; and it's numbers, and their projected growth, was the highest in decades. The report states this may be the result of record immigration levels, especially from countries and locations where gridiron is the only form of football, or the more popular one; I know, it's hard to imagine that here, our tiny AGL is somewhere else as mighty as the true football over here.

In order to give the Voodoo a fighting chance, the AGL and Ministry of Sports jointly announced the hiring of a new head coach just as the AGL entered it's off-season, a Joel Turnbull, who if any of you follow gridiron football at all, you most definitely know his name, especially in the collegiate scene; he was formerly the man in charge at Bowerstone University, and was the one responsible for their absolute dominance of the Anthoran Collegiate Series, winning a total of 4 championships in his 12 years (587AE-598AE) running the program, and he also amassed an impressive 84% winning percentage over the 192 games he coached with them. He's without a question the best football coach in the Kingdom, and was the perfect selection for this team; a bit surprising though, since practically the entire AGL and ACS have tried wooing him out of his semi-retirement since he left BU back in 599, with no success, but apparently he was up for the challenge here. He brought an entire new coaching ensemble with him, and Turnbull fan's will recognize a few names; Matthew Evans, Joseph Cough, Sebastian Bull all had previously worked under him in their roles at Bowerstone, Daniel Templeton has been responsible for producing some of the most elite quarterbacks currently playing, and no defense under Oliver O'Sullivan has ever given up a large farce; quite the hardcore group of men to assemble a large team.

However, the players selected for the Voodoo, not as impressive. Reviewing their offense, not a single Armie Battle-Collin Waters or Jeff Brucer to be found. I guess you could count Markus Spurr, except he hasn't played a AGL game since he blew his knew out two seasons ago. The injury wasn't the problem, it was the mouth that remained intact and I'm a little surprised to find a controversial player like him on a roster of Turnbulls; and get this, their supposed "captain on the field", the kid hasn't even graduated high school yet! Nicholas Harriot, a senior at Pitthorpe High School inside of Dunford, I mean, excuse me what? Not enough men you had to find a kid to do your job for you?

But, despite my feelings about the lack of an explosive offensive star, or any big names on the roster at all really, Joel Turnbull and his V's made me eat my words after their first international match, an away game against Ranoria which Anthor won handily, 28-12. Remember that kid I was ragging on in the previous paragraph, the high school senior? Yeah, Nicholas Harriot threw for a amazing 281 yards, 2 TD's, one of which was a spectacular one handed grab from Markus Spurr who also had a breakthrough day with 5 receptions and a 113 yards. Lewis Davis didn't want to be left out, running with 19 carries and 103 yards, with a single touchdown to cap off his solid starting performance and of course, the defense wanted to remind their counterparts they were just as good; Liam Barrett, Sean Mitchell and Lewis Noble combined for a total of 3 sacks, Noble also managed to pull away an interception and was also joined by corner Isaac Bishop; the full safety George Lawrence got the chance to remind everyone he played running back in college at Anclieve; he managed to pick off the Ranorian gunslinger on a deep lob pass in the 3rd quarter and returned it 65 yards for the V's final touchdown, burning past every other player on his streak down the sidelines.

Now, if this performance wasn't enough to make you stop and go alrighty then, the Voodoo got your back and read your minds; in their first international home game against Seikuea, they turned in an almost near identical performance as from the week prior; Harriot went 11-19, 215 yards, Markus Spurr helped catch 101 of those, and Lewis Davis trailblazed for a second 100+ yard performance; on top of that, the Anthoran defense got to say they blocked an extra point attempt following the Seikuean score in the second quarter, then Barrett launched higher then most defensive tackles I've ever seen and swatted down the kick; to be fair to the opposition, they also managed a similar feat, though many fans of the V's were calling a false start on the defensive players that the referee's never managed to call.

So, here you are; you're Joel Turnbull, you are 2 games into your international pro football career, and you've won them quite handily. Your offense has combined for 7 touchdowns, 500+ yards, your quarterback who everyone doubted is managing to play far above his age, and what I thought was his skill, grade, and your defense is shining like the best product O'Sullivan has coached in half a decade, despite only training with them for three months. However, your third game, boy, you're going up against Drawkland Grid Corps. They've won this World Bowl, and they've done it more then once, moreover, they are the second best team in the multiverse at pro football, and you're raw team has to take them on. Now, I'd love to know how that talk went down, but since I wasn't present, let's just examine the result shall we?

Somehow, in some way, the V's marched on into that stadium, faced up against what some argue is the best football team around, and they held them to 20 points, and just shy of 200 yards for a full four quarters; somehow, a team that has previously ruled all over the field, marching up and down like it's as easy as cake, was completely shut down and chilled by defenders who have only played 2 games outside of their native league.

Now, the game went quite differently then the last two; Harriot was struggling a bit more to find the completions, the Grid Corps was testing the highest ceiling of the offensive line's capabilities, and more then a few times they won; I think I counted no less then 6 of his incompletions were because they wrapped him up, and they managed to drop him in the backfield on two separate occasions. Despite the heavy pressure, we got to see a classic display of Turnbull's proke n'prod, young Harriot excelled especially in the late 1st quarter at stretching the heavy defense out on a quick slant or crossover route, and then with a two tight end formation with some excellent blocking, letting Davis streak some nice yardage out and carry them up the field; Markus Spurr had a bit of a rough day, certainly exchanged more then a few words with the Drawkland corners over what he thought was interfence, but he still managed to tally some 5 receptions and 85 yards. Lane Smith and Sam Cameron also pitched in and helped him, chipping in for 3 receptions each, and Cameron even caught a touchdown reception off of a left slant route right at the start of a second quarter. Honestly, that second quarter, those blackbacks came alive with flashing it down the field, with Nicholas Harriot going from going 3/9 in the first half, to 7/8 in the second half, with 2 touch down passes on two separate times, Cameron catching the first just a few minutes into the quarter and then Robert Atwood reeling a low pass in for the second on a trick play. By the time the third quarter begin, Celridge was up 14-0, and with how they were playing on both sides of the field, this game was looking to be over; a particular nail in the coffin towards that theory was Lewis Davis rushing on a single play for 47 yards, and then to be followed up in the next play with a brilliant 49-yd pash from Harriot to Spurr that ended up bringing the score to a full 21-0, but instead of being the nail in the coffin, it proved to be the awakening of that monster we had all be fearful of.

The Grid Corps were awoken with quite the fury, I guess they finally realized they had been shutout for 3 quarters of play by an unranked team, and they went into complete overdrive mode; they managed to score within 5 minutes of beginning the fourth quarter, and then they stripped the ball from Lewis Davis on a 3rd and 2 situation, and then managed to take that ball from the V's own 42 into the opposing endzone, inching that scoreline in further and further. At this point, the Celridge too began to try and lockdown this game so they could walk out with a win, they managed to get pretty close to avenging some of those points, but their kicker missed out on a 43-yd field goal attempt. Their defense tried to rally, Lewis Noble intercepting the ball on a quick slant route, but then the V's went four and out. The following 3 minutes of play was the first real stress test for Celridge I think, three minutes left, your opposing side has the ball and they've run all over you in this last quarter and you're only up by a single touchdown, it was certainly a make or break it situation. The Grid Corps pressed hard, trying at first to quickly sprint down the field with some long bombs, but tightly contested catches made that impossible. Then they tried the run game, trying to punch through to force a field goal, and in the end, that was all they got on this drive, 4 points less then they were certainly hoping to walk away with. However, a brilliant onside kick in the following play was somehow recovered, legally, by the Grid Corps, and with just under a minute of play left, they had the ball once again; I can't imagine the anxiety on either side, even though both sides just showed grim determination.

Ultimately, the V's defense bent, but did not break. The Grid Corps spent :57 to do 6 plays, go 38 yards, and kick another field goal; despite giving up 20 points in the fourth quarter alone, I've never seen a sideline celebrate quite as much as the V's did once the final whistle was blown, somehow, someway they had managed to beat the second best team in the entire World Bowl, and they did so on a pretty hard fought game.

Now, in the weeks coming as the V's go into a bye week which will serve as a nice capstone to their three magnificent victories, Joel Turnbull is going to focus harder then ever to try and continue to bring this team around, keep them focused and switched on; but I can't imagine that the V's are doing anything but gleefully waiting to battle again in two weeks and add some more numbers to that win column.


Gnaeus Tanicus Vopiscus contributed to this article.

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© Tharsius Herald Ltd 2014

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514390 comments

^{FAVORITE THIS DISCUSSION}

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BerryfordPrideKF · 1 minute ago
Damn V's, you know, gridiron isn't that big back home, but ya'll are playing your hearts out and it's working! #VforVoodoo

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MacAlsnaN · 4 minutes ago
How the fuck has a kid, a has been and a okay halfback run circles around this World Bowl? By the Gods, can we get these people in the World Cup to? Ducks, Warriors, take some notes, these guys are showing you how to properly play on the the international level

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65431 up · 100 down

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VaronD · 4 hours ago
#CelridgeChamps Keep grindin bois, you making us proud!!!!

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[Ko-oren]

Fortuna Forum

Western Altiora's Newspaper - Cities of Fortuna, Civitas Altioranis, Sedes Regis and Profectus

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Founded 1854

Price: 5 korona

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Altiora's great sports have all finished their seasons and so it might be wise to direct attention outwards. Broadening our horizons through looking at sports from a different viewpoint, and in recent years it has become impossible to ignore the developments of Stallhaven. Noble sports performed in Altiora, mostly cricket, (field) hockey, and Ko-orenite football, seem to be of little to no importance to Stallhaveners. There, such foreign sports like rugby union and league, soccer and gridiron football are popular. Combine that with the influx of money into their region and you have a sporting culture which, as much as we want to deny it, could some day rival our own.

In one of the sports of the Stallhaveners, gridiron football, the largest event in the world has just commenced. The World Bowl, featuring eleven, no twenty...five? fourty-eight Greenblue athletes. While gridiron football has become such a force to be reckoned with in Ko-oren so rapidly, the people from Kongaijin, Reoanacht, Yeodalan and Lathna have all adopted it as one of their favourite sports as well. Here you might expect athletes from all five areas. No such thing exists. The entire roster is exclusively Stallhavener in origin.

Expecting only few of our readers have any experience with this sport, allow me to offer a small overview. Gridiron has been organised into the Stallhavener Companies' Football League (hard to differentiate from the other Stallhavener Companies' Leagues in both Rugby codes, who insist on using the name Football, as well as soccer who do the same). This league has only been founded recently, and feature three teams from Stallhaven as well as a team made up of Sytherans. The Sytherans have a team in almost every Ko-orenite league on the basis of being such a scattered people that they are in contact with every sport, living everywhere so that every sport is exposed to Sytherans, and the Sytherans are exposed to every sport.

Four teams, as follows:
Goledon Godspeed - from the city of Goledon, the Godspeed were the first team to be founded, in 1854, predating the Fortuna Forum by two weeks.
Cirelbourne Skies - from Cirelbourne, the largest city of the three. Cirelbourne actually supports a small gridiron league within the city, from which talent is syphoned into the Skies.
Bruncester Destroyers - from Bruncester, or Bruynster according to its mostly Dutch-speaking population, the Destroyers have the largest support and draw fans from most of Stallhaven.
Sytheran Swans - the team from the scattered race of Ko-oren, the Sytherans. They are a welcome addition to the league, the youngest team to be founded, predated the opening to the first season of the SCFL by 6 weeks.

Players from the first three teams are in the national team. The vital position of quarterback is played by Devon Lindsay of the Goledon Godspeed, while the critical role of fullback is performed by Sebastian Chamberlain of the Bruncester Destroyers. It seems that even rivals can work together when facing a greater external threat, a common enemy.

In the first game, the Ko-orenites have beaten Trans-Dniesters, while in the second, Kaboomlandia was the more powerful team. After a scheduled bye, Ko-oren will take on Ormencia Bythoria, and after that, Krossa, before replaying the same teams.

(OOC: Altiorans use far more Latin/French roots, and look a bit down on everyone in general)

[Free Republics]

5 minutes and 13 seconds remained on the clock. James Lacey-Willard had just kicked a 48-yard field goal to put The Kiaser Colonies in the lead 22 to 19 and delivered a touchback right through the end zone at The Dannydome. Wibe Rus discussed strategy with Edvin Berg and then stepped onto the field at the 25 yard line (OOC: I'm assuming that the World Bowl has adopted the NFL's rule change in this area). The young field general lined his troops up in the I-Formation and handed off to fullback Jacob Naylor on first down. The fullback charged into the line and, catching the defense off guard, managed to rack up 8 yards before he was tackled by Jason Bourne at the 33 yard line. On second down, Rus called play action and put on an award-winning acting performance to sell the fake handoff. Last year, he hadn't been remotely convincing on play action but the acting lessons that he had taken during the offseason were starting to pay off. He looked to the middle of the field and found a wide-open Bartha Myricoorish. Myricoorish hauled in the pass easily and charged forward until he was tackled at midfield by both Kiaser safeties.

Suddenly, the Republicans were moving down the field. Head Coach Jak Hamilton was well aware that the opposition had used up all of their timeouts earlier in the half on a miscommunication that nearly led to a delay of game penalty and two failed coaches challenges and he reminded his quarterback of this fact as he urged him to take his time. The Republican defense was a decent unit but they were not, in any sense, an elite defensive team. Facing a team like The Kiaser Colonies that had scored 30 against the Allamunnic States and which had already scored 5 field goals and a touchdown against them, Coach Hamilton wasn't exactly confident in his defensive unit.

In this situation, Rus chose to hand off to his talented tailback Matthijn Admiraal. Admiraal took the handoff and began a sweep to the right side of the field. He managed to pick up a few yards but failed to get the corner. Realizing he was about to be pushed out of bounds, he screamed "DOWN!" at the top of his lungs to ensure that he would be downed in the field of play and the clock would continue to run. On 2nd and 4, Rus handed off to Admiraal once again. This time around though, the Republicans dialed up an off-tackle run and their tailback was tackled inches shy of a first down. On third down, Rus called the quarterback sneak. The Kiaser defense saw it coming and desperately tried to stop the Republican quarterback but Wibe Rus would not be denied. He forced his way through the defense and picked up the first down plus 3 bonus yards. Next, Rus returned to the play action pass and quickly found Roman Vesely on a fade route for an 11 yard gain and another first down with just 2 minutes and 42 seconds remaining on the clock. As the clock ticked closer and closer to the 2 minute warning, Rus handed off to Jorma Isometsa, who had come in to spell Admiraal and the powerful Isometsa picked up 3 yards to set up second and 7 at the 23 yard line with just 2 minutes remaining on the clock.

After the game stopped so that broadcasters could air some extra commercials, Rus led his team back onto the field. Admiraal had checked back into the game. On second and 7, Rus dialed up a screen to his fullback Naylor, who was left uncovered by the defense, which had never expected the fullback to actually get the ball in this situation. Naylor saw plenty of open space in front of him and pushed forward for a 6 yard gain, setting up 3rd and 1. Everybody in the stadium was expecting a run in this situation, which only made it all the easier for Rus when he called play action once again and delivered a bullet to Anes Kokoravec who caught the pass at the 6 yard line. Under a minute now remained on the clock and the Republican quarterback did not hesitate before calling a draw play. Admiraal took the handoff and managed to pick up 5 yards before he was brought down half a yard shy of the goal line with just 30 seconds left on the clock. On the sidelines, Jak Hamilton immediately starting running toward the nearest official making the time out symbol and screaming "Time Out" at the top of his lungs. Finally, with 25 seconds remaining, one of the officials noticed and stopped the clock. The FFR now had just 1 time out remaining and 3 more downs.

As the referee signaled for play to resume, the Republicans broke their huddle and lined up at the line of scrimmage in a goal line formation. Rus received the snap from Vlad Maslow and attempted a quarterback sneak but was stopped short of the goal line. Instead of calling timeout, the Republicans got back up, lined up in formation and snapped the ball again with 10 seconds remaining on the clock. This time, Rus handed off to Admiraal and the back leaped over his offensive line. At that moment, it was unclear if he had crossed the plane of the goal and the replay official called for a booth replay after ruling it a touchdown on the field. A few minutes later, the referee announced that "The ruling on the field stands" and awarded the FFR a go-ahead touchdown. Dean Kevin kicked the extra point to make it a 4 point lead and the FFR led 26 to 22 with just 7 seconds to go.

Kevin booted the ball out of the end zone, bringing out the Kiaser offense. Jarvis Pratt took the snap for his team and dropped back to throw a Hail Mary but before he could get it off, "Big" Mo Henderson charged through the offensive line and left him flat on his back. The remaining seconds ticked down and the FFR had picked up its first victory of World Bowl XXXII but nobody knew for sure whether or not Admiraal had actually scored the game-winning touchdown...

[Newmanistan]

THE WORLD BOWL IS DEAD

Newmanistanian journalist Brianne Henry talks to defensive end Tyrell Douglas, the captain of the defense, about the teams early World Bowl 32 campaign. It got interesting at the end.

Henry: Tyrell, thank you for your time. It is a pleasure to have you with us.

Douglas: Thank you, Brianne.

Henry: Three games of the World Bowl are now complete for the Rockets, and the team is off to a rather shaky start. What’s going on?

Douglas: I don’t think anyone really knows. Football is tough, and sometimes you just don’t get the bounces that you want. We really played well against Greg’s team on our side of the ball, but we didn’t get the job done on offense. Then, we have a better offensive performance and lose another close one. We need to be consistent on both sides of the ball.

Henry: In some ways, the team could be 3-0 with a break or two.

Douglas: Yes, we could, but that’s not how we want to look at it. We lost the games, and you make your own breaks. Both the offense and defense have to be good in the same game like it was against Bongo.

Henry: Can we see that as the starting point to better things, and getting this turned around?

Douglas: We shall see. We have a game against a hungry winless team in the their building coming up, and we cannot take them for granted.

Henry: Do you think the team was at a disadvantage to have the off day in matchday one?

Douglas: There is one teams per group that get one bye day. Everyone else gets two. It’s not a bye day, as in a day to regroup, when its on matchday one. But that’s just how it goes, and you have to respond to the challenges that you are faced with.

Henry: Fair enough. Let’s talk about football in general now. Why is it that the World Bowl doesn’t have the spark that it used to in Newmanistan?

Douglas: I don’t know.

Henry: Everyone was crazy for the World Baseball Classic when we returned. Even basketball got some solid coverage, both professional and collegiately, but the World Bowl just seems flat.

Douglas: Well, we have to give them something to cheer about. The baseball team has. So have the college basketball teams. We have not.

Henry: Is there any way, other then winning games, that the team can do that?

Douglas: Winning games is how you do it. I do think the fact that the Empire has historically underachieved made our return in the country a little less exciting.

Henry: Newmanistanians miss Dancougar, Arroza, and Rennidan, don’t they?

Douglas: Maybe. You know, with them, and with Secristan, and Cassadaigua, there was a lot of additional fun. I’m not seeing that now, I suppose. Right now, the rivalries are gone, and it’s just a matter of showing up, hoping you get a result, and on to the next tournament.

Henry: The World Bowl is stale these days? I have to admit, the games I read about long ago were far more exciting then I see now.

Douglas: I am hearing that from people. My papa told me great stories about the tournament and that the World Bowl is not what it used to be anymore.

Henry: A Newmanistanian media analysis organization stated that between what they termed a “cutoff” between MD 3 and 4, there were six international press releases. Between MD 2 and 3, there were two. Absolutely unbelievable.

Douglas: It’s a real shame, Brianne.

Henry: It is, well I wish you the best of luck.

Douglas: Thank you.


SO YES, THE WORLD BOWL IS DEAD

By Brianne Henry.

Where is all of the excitement for the World Bowl? Weren’t the drums of thrilling football supposed to be beating loudly right now? Well, they are in the host nation. Bongo Johnson has showed up and done a terrific job in the early stages. But they can’t force the rest of the world to be interested.

The Pocono City Media Analysis Organization stated that between what is termed a cutoff, or in other words the time when games begin playing, and after the initial build up, a total of eight international press releases were provided between matchdays 1 and 2, a number that inexplicably dropped to two between matchdays 2 and 3, and only rebounded to six between 3 and 4. Obviously, Newmanistan did not help much in that time period, but where is everyone?

Kristen Bourque, of the PCMAO states, “A lot of teams provided rosters to the world, and there was that initial post of excitement. Then the games started happening, and we have not seen much out of people. It is very disappointing and certainly not what was customary when Newmanistan, Dancougar, Rennidan, Secristan, Arroza, Cassadaigua, and the Allamunnic States could be counted on to provided excitement on a daily occurrence, and then you had the contributions from other nations too. World Bowl 32 so far is an embarrassment to those who have gone before them in the early days as far as press coverage is concerned. Kudos to the Drawkland’s and the Abanhfleft’s. You guys have stepped up big-time. But where is everyone else? Too much sitting on rank. That’s not what the World Bowl used to be.”

What does Bourque feel is the reason for this? “Some might say it’s the “off-season” of the main sports regular season, and I get that, I guess. Maybe press organizations have other priorities at the moment. But they can’t use other competitions as an excuse. The World Cup is not going on now. The World Bowl is dead. It’s a shell of its former self and I hate to say it.”

That it is.

RIP, World Bowls of old.

[Union of Socialist Alpine Republics]

The Alpine Union lost against Ethane

Stratton, Bongo Johnson - (NEIP) After crushing Nova Anglicana 55-17 in a game which Coconut Riddick scored 3 rushing touchdowns, the Alpine Union faced Ethane, a much tougher team, and couldn't win. The Red Kites won 13-6. Ethane started with the ball in the 1st quarter and made a field goal on their 1st drive. The Bisons also made a field goal in the 1st quarter. The Alpine Union had the ball at their own 35 yard line with 3:09 remaining in the 2nd quarter.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Jarius Floyd for 16 yards. Coconut Riddick runs for 3 yards. It's the two minutes warning, the Green & white is at the 46 yard line in Ethane's territory with a 2nd and 7.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Marquis Hatwood for 21 yards.
Coconut Riddick runs for 5 yards.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Coconut Riddick for 7 yards. It's a 1st and 10 at the 13 yards line with 44 seconds left.
Coconut Riddick runs for 2 yards.
17 seconds left, 16 seconds left, 15 seconds left, Jordan Sawyer snaps the ball. Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to John McRae is incomplete.
11 seconds left. Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Brian Shaw is incomplete.
4th and 8 at the 11 yards line. 7 seconds left. The field goal unit comes on the field and Crockett Burkhead is attempting a 28 yards field goal. The kick is good and the Alpine Union is leading 6-3 at the halftime.

With 8:12 remaining in the 3rd quarter, Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Jarius Floyd is intercepted by Darren Walker who returns it to the 36 yards line in Alpine territory. On the next play, Christopher Stewart passes to Jack Mason for 29 yards. Jerry Lawrence follows with a 7 yards rushing touchdown and the Red Kites are leading 10-6. Ethane added 3 more points early in the 4th quarter on a 31 yards field goal. Down 13-6, the Alpine Union had the ball at their own 27 yards line with 0:42 remaining and two time outs in the 4th quarter.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Demarcus Woods is incomplete.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Jennifer Killebrew for 44 yards. The Bisons call a time out with 0:28 remaining. 1 time out left, 1st and 10 at the 29 yards line in Red kites' territory.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Marquis Hatwood is inncomplete.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Demarcus Woods is incomplete.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Demarcus Woods for 13 yards. The Reprezentacja Alpejski calls their final time out. 15 seconds remaining, the ball is at the 16 yards line.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to John McRae is incomplete.
Clifford Jenkins passes to Jarius Floyd for 7 yards and he goes out of bounds. 8 seconds remaining, 3rd and 3 at the 9 yards line.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Coconut Riddick is incomplete.
Clifford Jenkins' pass intended to Demarcus Woods is incomplete.
Ethane gets the ball on a turnover on downs with 1 second remaining. Christopher Stewart kneels the ball and Ethane wins 13-6.

The Bisons are currently 3rd in group B with 2 wins and 2 losts, Ethane gets the tie breaker on head to head results and we can say the final game on MD9 will be important.

Ethane        3   0   7   3  -  13
Alpine Union  3   3   0   0  -   6

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
11:58 Field Goal by Lucas Walker (44 yards)
2:42 Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (34 yards)
2ND QUARTER
0:05 Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (28 yards)
3RD QUARTER
7:39 Touchdown by Jerry Lawrence (7 yards run). Extra point by Lucas Walker.
4TH QUARTER
10:35 Field Goal by Lucas Walker (26 yards)

OOC: I took Ethane's player names on their last Worl Bowl roster

[Ranoria]

Derek McNair Finds his Stride in 62-16 Win After Struggling in Weeks 1 and 2

Explosive rookie quarterback Derek McNair, serving in the place of all star Bo Callahan as the Steamers signal-caller, had paltry performances in the first couple of weeks, having to rely on his freakish athleticism to make plays, clocking in stat lines of 22/51, 146 yards, 1 TD, 5 INTthrough the air as compared to his total of 162 rushing yards and two scores there.

While it was speculated, and likely correctly, that McNair didn't have a firm grasp on the Steamers offense, it seems that, now, in week 3, he's managed to get it together, after putting together a spectacular performance in which he threw for an impressive three hundred and seventy yards and four touchdowns while grabbing another forty and a score on his legs. Along with that, former RFL MVP runner Tommy Parker churned out a crushing hundred and thirty yards and two touchdowns. The offense also managed two field goals, while inside linebacker Spencer Gyler intercepted a pass on the fifteen yard line for a touchdown.

If this momentum lasts, the Memphis Steamers could have even more success in this contest than did their college counterparts in the Richardson Governors, Richardson University being the Alma Mater of Derek McNair.

"Huh. Maybe they're not so hopeless after all." John Garrett nodded approvingly after reading his predecessor's statline before taking a bite out of a chicken wing, "I heard that Ranoria State is looking to enter the international competition next year. That should be fun."

"Eh, they aren't good enough to make it in. But you should've known they couldn't hold Derek for long," Javier Gilmore laughed, "I caught passes from him, too, you know. I can't say that his spiral was quite as tight as yours is, but that man's almost as fast as I am, and one hell of a lot stronger. I can't say the same about you."

"Thanks...I think."

[Drawkland]

GOLDEN BOWL ALERT!!!

After 4 Matchdays of dormancy, the Golden Bowl has finally been moved! While we were all focused on whether or not the Nephara Bowl would survive before merging with the Golden Bowl, we forgot to even consider that the Golden Bowl was still vulnerable. And it's just that which has happened.

In this Matchday 4 matchup, newcomers The Iron Syndicate took on defending champions Abanhfleft by a very close scoreline of 36-37. This win sends the Golden Bowl to the Iron nation, ending the Fleftics' reign of 4 matches. Who knows how The Iron Syndicate will fare with their new Bowl, but it's quite likely that they'll at least carry it to the playoffs, which is good.

Meanwhile, the Nephara Bowl remains safe in Devonta's hands, at least for now. It's likely Abanhfleft will take it anyway, and possibly have them merged next time they play The Iron Syndicate, although only time will tell.

That's the ALERT for today! This is Golden Bowl HQ, signing off!

---

Matthew Watts, the Corps Kicker, was sitting across from Raleigh Stig, with Vander Levy and Jason McFarland all around him on the train to their next game. It's sorta predictable that all the special teamers would sit together, really. I mean, you gotta stick together, blah blah. Their next match, against the unranked but still strong Ranoria, was set to be a tough one. As kickers and punters though, it's not like they'd be feeling the brunt of the pressure. They'd just have to do their job.

"Look, Raleigh, all we gotta do is do out job. Don't worry about it. Plus, you have the comparably easier job. All you gotta do is what you've done perfectly for years," Matthew consoled him.
"I dunno man. In practice you know I've started hooking them wide for some damn reason. As the kickoff specialist that's a huge deal."
"Give it a rest, man," said Jason, "You know that's just nerves. You can always boot it out of the end zone if you're feeling nervous. Ain't nobody will complain about that."
"But that's not why I'm on the team. I'm on the team because I can troll the return men. And I'm starting to not do that."
"Well, and onside kicks, but when's the last time we had to do one of those?" chuckled Matthew.
"Bro, you smoking?" Jason replied, "We had to do an onside against somebody in the playoffs last Bowl."
"Damn, you're right," said Matthew, "But that was me. I'm pretty bad at that. Ral here can pull them off with the utmost proficiency."
Raleigh blew air out of his lips. "I dunno, dude. The pressure just keeps mounting."
"Relax, just relax," Vander spoke up, "You won't have to pull one off for weeks. Just remember that you're a professional."
'Alright. I'll try my best," Raleigh shrugged.

Keegan Masters and Leopold Cross sat alone across from each other.
"Still pissed about that game versus Anthor," Leo huffed.
"What, that we lost? Duh," Keegan replied.
"Not just that," Leo shot back, "That guy, what was his name? Harriot?"
"Right, Nicholas Harriot."
"Yeah. He got lucky. I was this close," Leo motioned with his arms about 6 inched apart, "To like 5 sacks. Those guys, Clark, Bell, Dunn, Smart, all of those O line dudes. They were walls that collapsed a half second too late for me. I'm so mad at myself for letting them get the better of me."
"Don't worry about it. I know how you feel. If the Fullback Boone was any slower it'd be done. I can tell you, that one play in the second quarter he side-pancaked me on a blitz, christ. If I'd sidestepped him it would've been a 10 yard loss, maybe even a fumble. Instead he hit up whatever receiver and got the touchdown. Man, that play could've stopped that L."
"Well, at least we worked up Saintland," Leo decided after they both nodded and decided that luck sucked.
"Too true. They're lucky they got 31. Maybe if Mathis didn't call so many damn blitzes then we could've shut their air game down."
"Talk about human turnstiles, too. Floridius? Conconius? Like a revolving door straight into the QB lobby. Scored like a dozen hits combined on the two of them. Great fumble recovery on that one sack I pulled, by the way."
"Secretly jealous," Keegan shrugged, "I wanted that to be my sack to pad my stats. But a fumble recovery touchdown is pretty rare too so I can't complain."
"You have all the fun," Leo sniffed, "You even had that fake punt run. Talk about money play."
"Tis true," Keegan mocked a somber tone, "Though it is just so challenging being me. Having to practice both on defense and special teams and sometimes offense is such a drain on the soul."
"Shut up." Leo smiled then went returned to staring out the window. Entent was visible in the distance, getting closer by the minute.

[Bongo Johnson]

***MD5 Cutoff***

[Bongo Johnson]

MD5 Results

Group A

The Fair Republic 13–9 Miloscia
West Phoenicia 0–20 Greater Vakolicci Haven

Group A                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Greater Vakolicci Haven                   4    3   1   0    43   16  +27    10
2 Barunia                                   4    2   1   1    59   51   +8     7
3 The Fair Republic                         4    2   0   2    52   42  +10     6
4 West Phoenicia                            4    2   0   2    43   63  −20     6
5 Miloscia                                  4    0   0   4    56   81  −25     0

Group B

Frenline Delpha 27–19 Ethane
Parakos 9–41 Nova Anglicana

Group B                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Frenline Delpha                           4    4   0   0   128   62  +66    12
2 Union of Socialist Alpine Republics       4    2   0   2    88   57  +31     6
3 Ethane                                    4    2   0   2    70   69   +1     6
4 Nova Anglicana                            4    2   0   2   111  114   −3     6
5 Parakos                                   4    0   0   4    25  120  −95     0

Group C

Torisakia 14–48 Free Republics
Allamunic States 10–20 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

Group C                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec                   4    4   0   0    95   34  +61    12
2 Free Republics                            4    2   0   2    94   68  +26     6
3 The Kiaser Colonies                       4    2   0   2    93   80  +13     6
4 Allamunic States                          4    2   0   2    62   84  −22     6
5 Torisakia                                 4    0   0   4    55  133  −78     0

Group D

New Dukaine 20–14 Taeshan
Lisander 16–19 Cosumar

Group D                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Cosumar                                   4    4   0   0    88   37  +51    12
2 New Dukaine                               4    2   0   2    66  113  −47     6
3 Taeshan                                   4    2   0   2    86   65  +21     6
4 Desertfoxenland                           4    1   0   3    55  102  −47     3
5 Lisander                                  4    1   0   3   109   87  +22     3

Group E

Krossa 32–30 Ko-oren
Trans-Dniesters 10–14 Kaboomlandia

Group E                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Kaboomlandia                              4    4   0   0    95   52  +43    12
2 Ko-oren                                   4    2   0   2    74   65   +9     6
3 Ormencia Bythoria                         4    1   1   2    43   43    0     4
4 Trans-Dniesters                           4    1   1   2    44   60  −16     4
5 Krossa                                    4    1   0   3    66  102  −36     3

Group F

The Iron Syndicate 40–32 Nephara
United States of Devonta 13–57 Abanhfleft

Group F                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Abanhfleft                                4    3   0   1   171   53 +118     9
2 United States of Devonta                  4    3   0   1    92  102  −10     9
3 The Iron Syndicate                        4    2   0   2   118  114   +4     6
4 Nephara                                   4    1   0   3    45   76  −31     3
5 Abhichandra                               4    1   0   3    52  133  −81     3

Group G

Bongo Johnson 10–37 Gregoryisgodistan
Kebec 20–29 Newmanistan

Group G                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Gregoryisgodistan                         4    4   0   0    83   24  +59    12
2 Newmanistan                               4    2   0   2    88   58  +30     6
3 Firebolt                                  4    2   0   2    75   73   +2     6
4 Bongo Johnson                             4    2   0   2    61   99  −38     6
5 Kebec                                     4    0   0   4    50  103  −53     0

Group H

Drawkland 57–22 Ranoria
Anthor 0–19 West Saintland

Group H                                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Anthor                                    4    3   0   1    76   64  +12     9
2 Drawkland                                 4    3   0   1   182  104  +78     9
3 Ranoria                                   4    2   0   2   116  111   +5     6
4 West Saintland                            4    2   0   2    91   71  +20     6
5 Seikuea                                   4    0   0   4    69  184 −115     0