22nd International Basketball Championships IC Thread

[Saint Kanye]

DRIVE-BY SHOOTING INJURES THREE IN ETHANE
Kibitzer sportswriter among victims

by Chad De Lombre



Ray Wright (File Photo)

MERSEYSHORE - Three people, including Kibitzer sports reporter Ray Wright, were sent to the hospital in this Ethanese city yesterday night after an unidentified person fired several gunshots from a speeding vehicle in front of them while they were standing at a bus stop at approximately 10 pm Ethanese time yesterday. Wright, 45, was hit twice in the attack, in the right shoulder and right arm. The second victim, a 19-year-old Ethanese girl, was shot in the left shoulder, while the third, a 34-year-old Ethanese man, got struck in the left leg, and also hit his head on the fire hydrant in front of him when he fell forward. Witnesses described the attacker as around six feet tall, of medium build, pale skin, black hair, and wearing goth makeup and clothing, but were unable to identify it as male or female. The vehicle was described as a light blue, older model two-door sports car with a high spoiler, but no one was able to get its plates. Police are searching for a motive for the said incident, but so far has come up fruitless.

Wright is one of several Kibitzer staff who are in Ethane to cover the 22nd International Basketball Championships and was about to go back to his hotel when the drive-by shooting happened. He says that he hopes for the attacker to be identified and arrested as soon as possible, and offers a reward of 75,000 Coinyes (approximately 149,000 NS$ at the time of this writing) for its capture.

---

IBC 22: SIX IN A ROW
Surge flatten West Saintland anew, 97-61

by Maria Muller

MERSEYSHORE - There is simply no stopping the St. Kanye Surge right now.

The Kanyean national basketball team extend their winning streak to six games after another big win over West Saintland, 97-61, in the 22nd International Basketball Championships group stages. All five starters of the Surge, who wore purple, scored in double digits in the blowout, led by Michael Porter's 20 on 7-for-10 field goals and 4-for-5 free throws. He also had six assists and a rebound. Victor McLain's scoring output matched his jersey number, and all of his 18 points scored were from three-point territory. Meanwhile, the Sanctii's Prince Ioannes played like the star center he is, netting himself a double-double of 27 points and 12 rebounds, but his teammates weren't much help as West Saintland fell to 4-3.

The Prince found himself working alone at times, as he played cleanup to his teammates' poor shooting throughout the game. While productive, exhaustion soon took a toll on him, as he begged to sit out for the last three minutes of the game after staying on for all of the first 37. Lucia Cornelia, the Sanctii's female player who's usually deadly beyond the arc, was basically a no-factor today as she found herself struggling and eventually finished with a mere three points on 1-for-7 shooting.

"It's hard to play catch-up with only one man", Surge assistant coach Bernard Foley said of Prince Ioannes. He noted that the Sanctii center would make scoring runs of his own, and while it didn't make West Saintland take the lead, "it was the only thing preventing them by losing by, like, fifty or eighty or more."

Up next for the Kanyeans, who are already in the playoffs and who now own the biggest point differential in the tournament at +129, is 1-5 Main Nation Ministry. "They're [MNM] already out, but us being the 'anything can happen' team, we ain't taking any chances, we ain't letting them play the spoiler", stated Surge captain Josh Jackson. 2,545 Kanyeans were in Gabriel Arena today.

Scores:

ST. KANYE 97 - Porter 20, McLain 18, Dotson 13, Pond 12, Jackson 10, Duff 6, Coyle 5, Walker 5, Norris 4, Adams 2, Lopez 2, Levy 0.

WEST SAINTLAND 61 - Ioannes 27, Cornificius 7, Acilius 6, Sacerdus 6, A. Dexius 5, Talmudius 4, Cornelia 3, Magius 3, Axius 0, G. Dexius 0, Sornatius 0.

Quarters: 26-14, 54-25, 69-40, 97-61.

---

Around the IBC

by the Kibitzer Research Department

GROUP A: ABAJA 93, FREE REPUBLICS 65

The Abaja Lions (6-1) eliminate Free Republics (1-5), and enter the IBC 22 playoffs together with idle Abanhfleft (5-1). Group A thus becomes the first group to complete its playoffs cast, with only the placing left to be determined.

GROUP B: OISINISTAN 80, EQUATORIAL ZELDAEN 72

Oisinistan (1-5) grabs its first win, over Equatorial Zeldaen (2-5), in a battle of already eliminated teams.

GROUP C: CHROMATIKA 75, DRAWKLAND 71

In the Group C standings, Chromatika (3-4) shake things up, while the Net Corp (3-3) continue to fall away from first.

GROUP D: ROYAL KINGDOM OF QUEBEC 92, DIMETRIJA 78

The world #1 RKQ (5-2) shut the playoffs door on Dimetrija, who's still without a win at 0-6.

GROUP E: ETHANE 101, KABOOMLANDIA 71

Hosts Ethane (4-2) keep their playoff hopes alive by torching Kaboomlandia (3-4) by thirty.

GROUP F: QASDEN 90, NATANIANS AND NOSTS 87

Another team to stay alive is the Qasden Vans (3-3), who eliminate N&N (2-5) in a close contest.

GROUP G: MAIN NATION MINISTRY 78, PITTOPI 63

MNM (1-5) is also eliminated, despite getting its first win. The Surge better watch out, for MNM will likely still have the momentum from that win when the two clash tomorrow. Meanwhile, Pittopi's woes continue, as they are now on a four-game skid to 3-4 after an impressive 3-0 start.

GROUP H: GANDAK 62, LOCUTERRIS 59

The last, but not the least team to be booted out of the tournament is Locuterris (1-5), with a single possession loss to Gandak (4-3).

---

Game Schedule - Group G

Surge Record So Far: 6-0

Matchday 1: BREAK
Matchday 2: W 72-61 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 3: W 90-67 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 4: W 91-65 vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR*)
Matchday 5: W 73-57 vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Matchday 6: BREAK
Matchday 7: W 74-57 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 8: W 97-61 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 9: White Jerseys vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR)
Matchday 10: Purple Jerseys vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Playoffs

*Unranked.

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.

[Ethane]

A 'Paella Taco'. If you want to know more about what this weird dish is, please TG me.


Cutoff.

[Ethane]

Results - Match Day 9

Group A
Anglatia 79–66 Free Republics
Abaja 63–81 Abanhfleft

Group A                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Abanhfleft              7    6   0   1   553  457  +96    18
2 Abaja                   8    6   0   2   639  571  +68    18
3 Anglatia                7    3   0   4   543  569  −26     9
4 Republic of Rawn        7    2   0   5   518  521   −3     6
5 Free Republics          7    1   0   6   447  582 −135     3

Group B
Oisinistan 72–92 Valladares
Flardania 75–90 Vangaziland

Group B                  Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Vangaziland             7    6   0   1   611  477 +134    18
2 Valladares              7    5   0   2   557  527  +30    15
3 Flardania               8    4   0   4   590  627  −37    12
4 Equatorial Zeldaen      7    2   0   5   485  553  −68     6
5 Oisinistan              7    1   0   6   479  538  −59     3

Group C
West Phoenicia 75–78 Drawkland
Chromatika 71–68 Vettrera

Group C                Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Drawkland               7    4   0   3   555  511  +44    12
2 Gregoryisgodistan       7    4   0   3   517  503  +14    12
3 Vettrera                7    4   0   3   519  513   +6    12
4 Chromatika              8    4   0   4   557  616  −59    12
5 West Phoenicia          7    2   0   5   517  522   −5     6

Group D
United States of Devonta 76–74 Dimetrija
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 60–70 Ceni

Group D                     Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 United States of Devonta    7    6   0   1   565  526  +39    18
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec     8    5   0   3   618  569  +49    15
3 Ceni                        7    5   0   2   521  481  +40    15
4 95X                         7    2   0   5   511  560  −49     6
5 Dimetrija                   7    0   0   7   501  580  −79     0

Group E
Frenline Delpha 78–85 Ethane
Kaboomlandia 58–69 Jeckland

Group E                                  Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Ethane                                    7    5   0   2   594  521  +73    15
2 Jeckland                                  7    5   0   2   553  509  +44    15
3 Kaboomlandia                              8    3   0   5   569  619  −50     9
4 Frenline Delpha                           7    3   0   4   505  523  −18     9
5 Barneata and Molisokita Tel Solvikstan    7    2   0   5   482  531  −49     6

Group F
Bendicion 65–83 Qasden
Natanians and Nosts 90–78 Cosumar

Group F                Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Cosumar                 7    5   0   2   561  479  +82    15
2 Qasden                  7    4   0   3   516  541  −25    12
3 Bendicion               7    3   0   4   563  543  +20     9
4 Natanians and Nosts     8    3   0   5   629  660  −31     9
5 Titovija                7    3   0   4   486  532  −46     9

Group G
Main Nation Ministry 56–119 Saint Kanye
West Saintland 69–51 Nova Anglicana

Group G                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Saint Kanye             7    7   0   0   616  424 +192    21
2 West Saintland          8    5   0   3   583  572  +11    15
3 Pittopi                 7    3   0   4   515  546  −31     9
4 Nova Anglicana          7    2   0   5   478  515  −37     6
5 Main Nation Ministry    7    1   0   6   480  615 −135     3

Group H
Locuterris 87–90 Unified Sunrise Islands
Valanora 84–77 Nueva Andalusia

Group H                   Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Valanora                   8    6   0   2   623  571  +52    18
3 Unified Sunrise Islands    7    5   0   2   576  559  +17    13
2 Gandak                     7    4   0   3   518  494  +24    12
4 Nueva Andalusia            7    2   0   5   544  556  −12     7
5 Locuterris                 7    1   0   6   528  609  −81     3

[Abanhfleft]

A Tale of Two Brothers, Part Six

The 62nd or 63rd Baptism of Fire (Vitaly didn’t know which) was already underway in Kirishima and Red Blackiland. Arkadi Zima had indeed been called up for the Revolutionary Nordskania national football team and had accepted the call-up, and now he was making waves by being one of the tournament’s best players. Being as the Baptism of Fire was where a lot of Fleftic clubs liked to do their shopping during the transfer window, it was inevitable that Arkadi was going to get the attention of many clubs, and soon the office of Imperial Markovsky was entertaining offers for Arkadi from over a dozen clubs all over the multiverse.

All the while, Arkadi’s twin brother, Vitaly, was quietly plugging away in the depths of the club, training and keeping up match fitness in the admittedly dim hope that he was finally going to play a game for the Imperials. What else was there for him to do anyway? It wasn’t as if he was suddenly going to be blessed with unspeakably good footballing ability which would immediately elevate him to an unmovable part of the Imperials’ starting eleven.

Vitaly was just about to go home following a training session with the rest of the benchwarmers when he met a familiar figure in the hallways of the club’s offices. “Uncle Baz!” he called out, and the man turned around and smiled warmly. “Mano po, tito,” Vitaly said as he took the man’s right hand and touched it to his forehead, a common Fleftic greeting to an elderly person who was close to the greeter.

“Ikaw naman, Vitaly, there’s no need for you na magmano sa akin,” Basil “Baz” Coltrane said as he ruffled Vitaly’s hair. Baz was actually Marissa Bures’ uncle, not Vitaly’s, but Vitaly still called him uncle because he had been very friendly with the Zimas, and Vitaly personally liked him as well.

“So, Tito Baz, what brings you back here to Imperial?” Vitaly asked. “I thought you were in Haranguer now.” Until last season, Baz Coltrane had been the first team manager of Imperial Markovsky, but in the offseason, he had been poached by All-Inclusive Haranguer’s new manager, Wallace Partridge, to be his assistant manager.

“Oh, I think you know what I’m doing here, Vitaly,” Baz said with a knowing smile.

“It’s for Arkadi, isn’t it?”

“Bingo,” Baz said with a snap of the fingers.

“Why would Haranguer need Arkadi, Tito Baz?” Vitaly asked, genuinely curious. “I thought you already signed those kids from Tumbra and Anglatia, Luke and Abigail, for your central midfield.”

“Ah, but we’re not looking to slot Arkadi in central midfield, are we?” Coltrane said cryptically. “No, what we, meaning me and Wally, want to do with Arkadi is to play him as a central attacking midfielder because we’re a little bit low in the central attacking midfielder department—”

“Good luck with that, Tito,” Vitaly said. “Arkadi likes to sit deep and break up the opponents’ attacks too much to be a good CAM. Besides, what are you doing with Lasse Torson and Sam Gonza?”

“Lasse’s too slow to be a good CAM now, and Sam’s better off at striker, that’s what we’re doing with them. Anyway, I’ve just come back from your manager’s office. I don’t know what’s going on here, but the team seems really keen to let Arkadi go quickly for someone who’s really lighting it up in the Baptism of Fire. I would’ve expected them to try to hold on to him for as long as they could, but it looks like they just want to get rid of him. I was prepared to give them a bid in the region of 5 million but I’ve just been told that they’d gladly let him go for 1 million or even cheaper just as long as he’s out of their hair. Why’s that?”

“Well, you’ve heard about what happened to him, right? He went off to fight for Nordskania and caused a great big hullabaloo because people thought that others would soon copy him and game the system to get out of serving in the armed forces. Then he came back and was picked up by the MSS for indefinite detention. The club and the SFA had to pull strings to get him out of the MSS’s hands, and that caused even more controversy. Let him rot in the MSS, people said. He doesn’t deserve to walk free after leaving us for another country. You know what I’m talking about. Now the club thinks they made a big mistake in bringing him back so now they want to get rid of him ASAP. His sparking to life in the Baptism of Fire is just what the club wants because it makes him more marketable than if he decided to stay here because no one pays attention to Liga Ikatlo, even for good players.”

“Huh,” Coltrane said. “So that’s the story. Well, it’s been nice talking to you, Vitaly. Now I’ve got to go to Flardania to talk to Arkadi about something. Until we see again.”

“Of course, Tito.” Vitaly walked out onto the parking lot to his car, where he was surprised to see Coltrane’s niece, Marissa Bures, waiting for him. “Mari! What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Nothing really, Vitaly, I just wanted to ask you something,” Marissa replied. “Wait a minute, was that Tito Baz you were just talking to earlier?”

“Yeah, he’s here to talk about buying Arkadi for Haranguer.”

“Oh, how I wish that it was that easy,” Marissa muttered. “I really hope that Arkadi does go to Haranguer, but I don’t think it’s going to be that simple.”

“Huh? Why do you say that?”

“Have you seen the Ghost’s latest tweet?”

“You mean MacTavish’s Ghost? No, I haven’t had the chance yet.” The Ghost of John MacTavish was this Twitter “in-the-know”, or ITK, account which regularly tweeted about player injuries and transfer rumors throughout the Premier League, but he also sometimes dabbled in transfer rumors from throughout the Fleftic football pyramid and the rest of the multiverse.

“Well, here it is.” Marissa held up her smartphone so Vitaly could see what she wanted him to see. It was indeed the Ghost’s latest tweet, and apparently it was about Arkadi.



“Wow,” Vitaly said once he saw Arkadi’s demands. “I always knew that Arkadi has a big head, but this is just stupid, even for him. Now no one’s going to want to pick him up. It’s just outrageous, what he wants. He’s just 21 years old, for God’s sake. He’s just been promoted to the first team. He’s proven nothing yet. And now he wants to be the highest paid player for whichever club still wants to sign him? Not just that, but he also wants a mansion, a sports car, and a model girlfriend? Like, seriously, dude, what the fuck?”

“Yeah, I know,” Marissa said. “Listen, Vitaly, I already told you this, but I’m here because I wanted to talk to you about something. It’s about Arkadi.”

“Figures,” Vitaly muttered. “So, what about him?”

“I don’t want to sound like a stalker, but I’ve been going through Arkadi’s social media over the last few days,” Marissa said.

“Yeah, Mari, that so doesn’t make you sound like a stalker,” Vitaly said with a smile.

“Stop it, Vitaly, you’re embarrassing me!” Marissa punched Vitaly’s arm, but even she couldn’t help but crack a grin. “Okay, but seriously now, I’ve been going through Arkadi’s history, and I saw this.” Marissa scrolled through her phone and pulled up a picture. Vitaly was surprised to see that he knew this picture. It was the one with Arkadi and that Nordskanian girl, the one which Arkadi had tried to hide to Mariss and the one which Vitaly took so that he could research the identity of the mystery girl. “So, what about that pic?” he asked Marissa.

“It’s not just the picture itself, Vitaly. Look at the caption as well.”

“Me and Miss Natalia Kotov,” Vitaly read out loud. “Hashtag I think I’m in love. Oh.”

“Exactly,” Marissa said. “Vitaly, I want you to answer me honestly, and because you’re the only person out there who really knows Arkadi. I want to know, Vitaly: does Arkadi still love me?”

“What?” Vitaly felt flustered, afraid, and unsure of how to go ahead with this. He didn’t know what to do next. “Why would you ask me that, Mari?”

“I don’t know, Vitaly, to be honest. But let’s just say that Arkadi’s been, well, more distant from me ever since he got back from Nordskania. I thought it was probably just PTSD or something like it, but I looked up PTSD’s symptoms, and he doesn’t have any of them, so it’s obviously not PTSD. But it’s not just that. He doesn’t kiss me like he used to. He doesn’t hug me like he used to. Once, he even called out ‘Natalia’ instead of my name while we were having sex—”

“Whoa! Too much information, Mari,” Vitaly said, holding up his hand to stop her. He also didn’t want to imagine his brother and Marissa getting it on because of his own feelings for her. “Look, Mari, I don’t know how to say this, but you know Arkadi. He loves Nordskania more than anything else. And, yeah, I know that that probably means that he loves it more than you, but that’s probably not what you mean. I can’t say anything about Arkadi’s relationships with those guys he met and fought with in Nordskania, so I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”

“I thought you were going to say that,” Marissa said dejectedly. Tears were already beginning to form in her eyes.

“Hey, Mari, don’t cry!” Vitaly said, embracing her suddenly. “Look, I’m sorry that I can’t be of any help to you right now, but you don’t have to cry about it!”

“No, Vitaly, it’s not that,” Marissa finally said after she wiped away the tears in her eyes. She then looked up at him and said, “I’m going to test him.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I’m going to test Arkadi, Vitaly. I heard some friends of friends talking about how this Nordskanian club, FK National, is going to give him everything he wants. I’m going to make him choose: me or Nordskania.”

“Mari, are you sure you want to do that?” Vitaly asked. “You might not like where this is going to end up.”

“I don’t care, Vitaly,” Marissa said as she accessed her social media app and signed in. “I have to know if he still loves me. If he gives up his demands or goes to anywhere other than Nordskania, then that means that he still loves me. But if he signs for this National club then that means that he no longer loves me. I’m going to do it, Vitaly, I really am. But what should I say?”

“‘Make your choice: me or Nordskania?’” Marissa said, reading out her planned tweet. “No, that sounds too confrontational. How about this: ‘It’s either me or your country.’ No, still too confrontational. All right, I think I have it. ‘Make up your mind or else it’s over between us.’ No, I don’t think so too; that one makes me sound like I’m whining. Okay. This time, I’m sure of this. What do you think, Arkadi?” Marissa held up her phone for him to check her tweet. It was exactly the last message she had just erased, but Vitaly wasn’t in the mood to bring it up.

“I think that’s all right,” Vitaly said. “It sums up everything you want to say neatly.”

“You really think so?” Marissa sounded doubtful.

“Trust me, Mari. Once Arkadi sees that, he knows he’ll have to make a choice.”

“Oh, but what if he chooses to go to Nordskania?”

“That’s the price you’re going to have to pay, Mari,” Vitaly said, patting her arm gently. “You wanted to know whether he still loves you, right? This is how you’re going to find out. This is how we’re going to find out, because I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

Marissa sniffed as more tears welled up in her eyes. “Thanks, Vitaly, for all of this,” she said.

“Don’t mention it, Mari. Can I drive you back to your place? I don’t want you to get hurt, especially in your current state.”

“Thanks, Vitaly. You’re a true friend.”

A true friend, Vitaly thought as he and Marissa got into his car. So this is what the friendzone feels like. No wonder there are a lot of stories and memes about it. It sucks to be in the friendzone. And Vitaly wondered why he found it difficult to tell Marissa that he had this sinking feeling that Arkadi was going to go to Nordskania whether Marissa wanted him to go or not, and that Arkadi was in love with Natalia Kotov, whom Vitaly had found out was a medic during the northern revolution and was now the physiotherapist of the Revolutionary Nordskania national football team. Vitaly had done some stalking of his own and saw even more pictures of Arkadi with Natalia along with declarations of love from Natalia to Arkadi. That was what had convinced Vitaly that his brother had well and gone over to someone else during his time in Nordskania.

But Vitaly couldn’t tell Marissa this, not just yet. Vitaly simply didn’t have the heart to break Mari’s even further. He was not an asshole like his brother was. Maybe it was better that Arkadi be the one to break up with Marissa, because Vitaly just knew that Arkadi had just been waiting for the opportunity to break up so he could finally be with his Natalia. It was probably for the best of everyone involved. But Arkadi Zima was still an unmitigated asshole and a son of a bitch in Vitaly Zima’s eyes, both for running away to Nordskania and for breaking a friend’s heart by getting a girlfriend in some foreign land.

Vitaly’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the wheel tightly and he let out a harsh breath, which Marissa immediately noticed. “What’s wrong, Vitaly?”

“Nothing, just some bruises I picked up in training,” Vitaly replied. No, he was not going to hurt Marissa even further by telling her about Arkadi and Natalia right now, but he made sure that he was going to tell her about this when she was ready. He just hoped that she wouldn’t push him away when she found out that he had always known. God, what a fucking messed up life he was living!

[Saint Kanye]

IBC 22: MAGNIFICENT SEVEN!
Surge one game away from sweep of group stages after crushing MNM 119-56

by Claude Harlan

MERSEYSHORE - If there is one good thing to find in the Main Nation Ministry national basketball team's poor performance in Matchday 9 of the group stages of the 22nd International Basketball Championships here in Ethane, it is their refusal to quit despite being outmatched by their counterparts from the Glorious Free Republic, the St. Kanye Surge. The Kanyeans rolled to a perfect 7-0 record by scoring a whopping 119 points, including 40 in the second quarter, against 56 for MNM, who dropped to 1-6. Not only that, the white-clad Surge had the clear advantage in rebounds (58 to MNM's 14) and forced turnovers (22 to MNM's six). Victor McLain provided the bulk of the Surge's scoring with 30 points, including 8-for-12 threes. McLain stated in an interview after the game "I just did what I did best, which is shoot threes. But of course that alone won't get us this win; it's a team effort, really." Captain Josh Jackson was the second highest scorer, with 21 points, seven rebounds and three assists.

St. Kanye won the jump ball and went on a 16-0 run before MNM would finally score, on a running jumper by their point guard, 4:12 left in the first quarter, which ended with the Surge well ahead, 25-7. In the second quarter, the Yeezies turned the game into an exhibition for their fans, appealing to the mostly Kanyean crowd (2,702 out of 6,500 seats at Gabriel Arena) with monster dunks and difficult trick shots, as well as powerful blocks and amazingly quick steals. Meanwhile, MNM kept pushing on, but stumbled further behind, the halftime score being 65-21 in favor of the Surge.

Kanyean head coach Anton Spoletto decided to give his starters a rest in the third quarter, leaving the reserves to continue what they have started, and they did not disappoint, doing as good a job as the starters in offense and defense. Coach Spoletto then used various combinations of starters and reserves in the fourth, to give everyone a chance to pad their stats. When the final buzzer signaled the end of the game and St. Kanye's sixty-three-point win, Surge supporters in purple and lime did a wave across the arena. MNM's players dragged their exhausted selves back to their locker room, refusing photo ops and interviews; their fans filed out equally as quietly.

The Surge only need to defeat 3-4 Pittopi tomorrow to complete a sweep of their Group G opponents. Barring a huge upset by Pittopi, the Surge are on pace to grab the #1 seeding in the upcoming Round of 16. "As Josh [Jackson] said yesterday, we shall not let anyone play spoiler against us. Especially not a team so hungry for a win to break their losing streak, and wanting their record to look more respectable before they go home", said St. Kanye's assistant coach, Bernard Foley, referring to Pittopi. "Their [Pittopi's] losing streak started with us [Matchday 5, St. Kanye won 73-57], we're not letting it end with us", Jackson himself added.

Scores:

ST. KANYE 119 - McLain 30, Jackson 21, Dotson 15, Pond 15, Porter 11, Norris 8, Levy 6, Coyle 4, Walker 4, Lopez 3, Adams 2.

MAIN NATION MINISTRY 56 - Individual scores not available.

Quarters: 25-7, 65-21, 91-38, 119-56.

---

Around the IBC

by the Kibitzer Research Department

GROUP A: ABANHFLEFT 81, ABAJA 63

The Abanhfleft Rebolusyonaryos (6-1) claim first place in Group A, regardless of the outcome of their game tomorrow. If they win, they will have a better record than the second place Abaja Lions (6-2). If they lose, they will tie Abaja but get the tiebreaker for beating the Lions twice.

GROUP B: VANGAZILAND 90, FLARDANIA 75

Flardania finishes 4-4 and out of the playoffs, while Vangaziland goes to 6-1 and first in Group B regardless of tomorrow's result (win and they have a better record than 5-2 Valladares, lose and they get the tiebreaker for winning by a bigger margin over Valladares than Valladares winning over them).

GROUP C: DRAWKLAND 78, WEST PHOENICIA 75

With the Net Corp's win and Vettrera's loss, it's now a three-way tie for first in Group C, with Drawkland, Vettrera and the Gregoryisgodistan Tall Slaves all sporting 4-3 records. Meanwhile, the Scorpions are out of the tournament even if they win tomorrow, as their record falls to 2-5.

GROUP D: UNITED STATES OF DEVONTA 76, DIMETRIJA 74

Dimetrija remains the only winless team in IBC 22 at 0-7 after a close loss to the USD, who go 6-1 and become a late addition to the playoffs cast.

GROUP E: JECKLAND 69, KABOOMLANDIA 58

Jeckland (5-2) eliminates Kaboomlandia (3-5) from playoff contention. Whether they go first in Group E or second behind hosts Ethane (also 5-2) boils down to which of the two teams wins, or wins bigger, or loses by less, tomorrow.

GROUP F: NATANIANS AND NOSTS 90, COSUMAR 78

The Stallions (5-2) go on to the next level despite the loss to already-eliminated N&N, who finish 3-5.

GROUP G: WEST SAINTLAND 69, NOVA ANGLICANA 51

The Sanctii win their last game of the group stages, finish second to the 7-0 Surge at 5-3, and shutter the Lions' little window of hope of making it to the playoffs by dropping them to 2-5,

GROUP H: VALANORA 84, NUEVA ANDALUSIA 77

The elves close out their schedule at 6-2 and clinch first place in Group H (if the 5-2 Unified Sunrise Islands wins tomorrow, they get second place due to Valanora's win over them bigger than the reverse; if they lose then Gandak, currently at 4-3, advances instead for beating them twice), while also eliminating the Horneros (2-5).

---

Game Schedule - Group G

Surge Record So Far: 7-0

Matchday 1: BREAK
Matchday 2: W 72-61 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 3: W 90-67 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 4: W 91-65 vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR*)
Matchday 5: W 73-57 vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Matchday 6: BREAK
Matchday 7: W 74-57 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 8: W 97-61 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 9: W 119-56 vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR)
Matchday 10: Purple Jerseys vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Playoffs

*Unranked.

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.[/quote]

[Ethane]

POLICE STILL IN SEARCH FOR DRIVE-BY SHOOTER

A drive-by shooter who attacked just a few days ago, sending 3 people to hospital is still on the loose.

Just a few days ago, three people, including Kibitzer sports reporter Ray Wright were hospitalised after they were shot at by someone in a light blue, older model 2 door sports car by an bus stop in the city centre of Merseyshore. Wright was hit twice in the shooting, once in the right shoulder and again in the right arm. The second casualty, who we can now identify as Grace Charlain, was shot in the left shoulder and is currently on life-support, with doctors saying she is unlikely to make it, and the third casualty was Stephen Walker, a 34-year old man, who was heading off to see his children for the first time in 5 years. He was struck in the left leg and was hit in the head by a fire hydrant in front of him. He died just 20 minutes after arriving in the hospital, the doctors unable to do anything to save him.

The police had arrested 2 suspects yesterday, who fitted the description of the attacker, but they have been proven to have an alibi, and are not the actual attackers, meaning the real attacker is still on the loose. The police are warning everyone to remain vigilante, and be careful of people approaching them who fit the description, as well as watching out for cars which also meet the description.

The police are appealing for further witnesses to the case to come forward, to see if they can piece together anything more about the attacker, while also appealing to the public to keep an eye out for the man. He was described to be around six feet tall, of medium build, with pale skin, black hair, and wearing goth makeup and clothing. Previously, they were unable to identify the gender, but later CCTV footage has shown him to be male.

[Ethane]

A room in the royal palace, New Sarum.


Cutoff.

[Ethane]

Results - Match Day 10

Group A
Abanhfleft 84–83 Anglatia
Free Republics 75–69 Republic of Rawn

Group A                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Abanhfleft              8    7   0   1   637  540  +97    21
2 Abaja                   8    6   0   2   639  571  +68    18
3 Anglatia                8    3   0   5   626  653  −27     9
4 Republic of Rawn        8    2   0   6   587  596   −9     6
5 Free Republics          8    2   0   6   522  651 −129     6

Group B
Vangaziland 90–62 Oisinistan
Valladares 84–68 Equatorial Zeldaen

Group B                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Vangaziland             8    7   0   1   701  539 +162    21
2 Valladares              8    6   0   2   641  595  +46    18
3 Flardania               8    4   0   4   590  627  −37    12
4 Equatorial Zeldaen      8    2   0   6   553  637  −84     6
5 Oisinistan              8    1   0   7   541  628  −87     3

Group C
Vettrera 75–65 West Phoenicia
Drawkland 75–57 Gregoryisgodistan

Group C                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Drawkland               8    5   0   3   630  568  +62    15
2 Vettrera                8    5   0   3   594  578  +16    15
3 Gregoryisgodistan       8    4   0   4   574  578   −4    12
4 Chromatika              8    4   0   4   557  616  −59    12
5 West Phoenicia          8    2   0   6   582  597  −15     6

Group D
Ceni 83–65 United States of Devonta
Dimetrija 67–72 95X

Group D                     Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Ceni                        8    6   0   2   604  546  +58    18
2 United States of Devonta    8    6   0   2   630  609  +21    18
3 Royal Kingdom of Quebec     8    5   0   3   618  569  +49    15
4 95X                         8    3   0   5   583  627  −44     9
5 Dimetrija                   8    0   0   8   568  652  −84     0

Group E
Jeckland 71–78 Frenline Delpha
Ethane 72–67 Barneata and Molisokita Tel Solvikstan

Group E                                   Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Ethane                                    8    6   0   2   666  588  +78    18
2 Jeckland                                  8    5   0   3   624  587  +37    15
3 Frenline Delpha                           8    4   0   4   583  594  −11    12
4 Kaboomlandia                              8    3   0   5   569  619  −50     9
5 Barneata and Molisokita Tel Solvikstan    8    2   0   6   549  603  −54     6

Group F
Cosumar 79–79 Bendicion (90–87 OT)
Qasden 91–77 Titovija

Group F                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Cosumar                 8    6   0   2   651  566  +85    16
2 Qasden                  8    5   0   3   607  618  −11    15
3 Bendicion               8    3   0   5   650  633  +17     10
4 Natanians and Nosts     8    3   0   5   629  660  −31     9
5 Titovija                8    3   0   5   563  623  −60     9

Group G
Nova Anglicana 74–70 Main Nation Ministry
Saint Kanye 71–79 Pittopi

Group G                 Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Saint Kanye             8    7   0   1   687  503 +184    21
2 West Saintland          8    5   0   3   583  572  +11    15
3 Pittopi                 8    4   0   4   594  617  −23    12
4 Nova Anglicana          8    3   0   5   552  585  −33     9
5 Main Nation Ministry    8    1   0   7   550  689 −139     3

Group H
Nueva Andalusia 91–56 Locuterris
Unified Sunrise Islands 77–83 Gandak

Nueva Andalusia 74–74 Unified Sunrise Islands (90–91 OT)

Group H                    Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts 
1 Valanora                   8    6   0   2   623  571  +52    18
2 Gandak                     8    5   0   3   601  571  +30    15
3 Unified Sunrise Islands    8    5   0   3   653  642  +11    13
4 Nueva Andalusia            8    3   0   5   635  612  +23     10
5 Locuterris                 8    1   0   7   584  700 −116     3

[Ethane]

Seeding and Playoff Fixtures

Seeding                      Pld    W   D   L    PF   PA   PD   Pts

1  Saint Kanye                 8    7   0   1   687  503 +184    21
2  Vangaziland                 8    7   0   1   701  539 +162    21
3  Abanhfleft                  8    7   0   1   637  540  +97    21
4  Ethane                      8    6   0   2   666  588  +78    18
5  Ceni                        8    6   0   2   604  546  +58    18
6  Valanora                    8    6   0   2   623  571  +52    18
7  Cosumar                     8    6   0   2   651  566  +85    16
8  Drawkland                   8    5   0   3   630  568  +62    15

9  Abaja                       8    6   0   2   639  571  +68    18
10 Valladares                  8    6   0   2   641  595  +46    18
11 United States of Devonta    8    6   0   2   630  609  +21    18
12 Jeckland                    8    5   0   3   624  587  +37    15
13 Gandak                      8    5   0   3   601  571  +30    15
14 Vettrera                    8    5   0   3   594  578  +16    15
15 West Saintland              8    5   0   3   583  572  +11    15
16 Qasden                      8    5   0   3   607  618  −11    15

Saint Kayne vs Qasden
Heritage Sports Centre, New Sarum

Vangaziland vs West Saintland
Hearthstone Arena, New Sarum

Abanhfleft vs Vettrera
Hampton Courts Multi-Purpose Sports Centre, Southern Hampton

Ethane vs Gandak
Swanmouth Square Arena, Swanmouth

Ceni vs Jeckland
Kingsley Park Arena, Letson

Valanora vs United States of Devonta
Titleigh Multi-Purpose Arena, Swanmouth

Cosumar vs Valladares
Gabriel Arena, Merseyshore

Drawkland vs Abaja
Hullbury Globe Entertainment Village Sports Arena, Hullbury

[Saint Kanye]

IBC 22: WE ARE NUMBER ONE
Surge claim top playoffs seed despite dropping final game

by Dante Dinkley

MERSEYSHORE - As Howie Day once said, "even the best fall down sometimes".

Pittopi ended two streaks today: their own four-game losing streak, and the St. Kanye Surge's seven-game winning streak, by playing a very physical game that saw several Surge starters sitting out for extended periods of time due to minor injuries. The bench did all they could, but the purple-clad Kanyeans would eventually lose 71-79. Michael Porter had 16 points and seven assists in the losing effort, but despite this, the Surge still take the #1 seed in the upcoming Round of 16 with a 7-1 record and +184 point differential.

It was clear that the Pittopi team that faced St. Kanye today weren't going to let themselves be pushed around unlike last time, when they were beaten 57-73. They took the first quarter, 22-18, and led by twelve with 4:45 remaining in the second, 38-26, when Surge marksman Victor McLain led a scoring run that tied the game at 46 at halftime. However, with 9:06 remaining in the third, McLain would be shoved down by Pittopi's starting PF, split his free throws, then head back to the bench hurting. He would not return until the fourth. With 2:37 remaining also in the third and the Yeezies down 52-60, Brock Dotson would be elbowed by Pittopi's center, making him suffer a broken nose. He would not return to the game, and will likely spend the playoffs in a protective mask. The closest the Surge would get for the rest of the game is three, 62-65, with 6:53 remaining after a fadeaway three by reserve Jayvon Duff, before falling behind again in the end.

The 2,635 Kanyeans at Gabriel Arena were dismayed at the end of their streak, but some were still happy upon learning about the Surge's position in the playoffs stage. "Yeah, let them [Pittopi] go home in high spirits, we're top seed anyway", said fan Lucretia Stapleton, 27, of Kardash (not to be confused with the capital Kardashia). The Surge elected to wear their purple away jerseys against the 16th-seeded Qasden Vans, who finished the group stages with a 5-3 record. The Vans were able to slip by the original Surge in a friendly game last season, 71-70, but Kanyean head coach Anton Spoletto isn't going to be fazed by this. "We're a different team now, literally. That win by them wouldn't matter to us, since this will technically be our first meeting, aside from [assistant] Coach [Bernard] Foley, who was with the old crew and could teach us a thing or two about how he saw the Qads play." The St. Kanye-Qasden game (a single game, not a series) will be held in a new location, the Heritage Sports Centre in New Sarum.

Scores:

PITTOPI 79 - Individual scores not available.

ST. KANYE 71 - Porter 16, Pond 13, McLain 10, Dotson 9, Jackson 9, Duff 5, Lopez 4, Adams 2, Norris 2, Levy 1, Coyle 0, Walker 0.

Quarters: 22-18, 46-46, 62-57, 79-71.

---

Around the IBC

by the Kibitzer Research Department

GROUP A: ABANHFLEFT 84, ANGLATIA 83

The Abanhfleft Rebolusyonaryos pay back a close loss to the Anglatia Crusaders in Matchday 5 with a close win of their own. The Rebs clinch first in their group with a 7-1 record, with the Crusaders going home 3-5.

GROUP B: VANGAZILAND 90, OISINISTAN 62

Vangaziland also goes 7-1 and get the #2 seed by virtue of their +162 point differential. Oisinistan exits the group stages at 1-7.

GROUP C: DRAWKLAND 75, GREGORYISGODISTAN 57

The Group C deadlock is broken, and it is the Gregoryisgodistan Tall Slaves who get booted out by slipping to 4-4. Drawkland ties with Vettrera at 5-3, but the former tops the group over the latter by virtue of a better head-to-head point differential.

GROUP D: CENI 83, UNITED STATES OF DEVONTA 65

With these two teams tied at 6-2, Ceni takes precedence over the USD because they beat them twice.

GROUP E: FRENLINE DELPHA 78, JECKLAND 71

The home crowd has the already-eliminated Frenline Delpha Anacondas (4-4) to thank as they play spoiler, sending Jeckland down to 5-3 after Ethane has already won the first game to go 6-2.

GROUP F: COSUMAR 90, BENDICION 87, OT

The Cosumar Stallions (6-2) enter the playoffs on a high note, beating the Bendicion Eagles (3-5) in a tight overtime game.

GROUP G: NOVA ANGLICANA 74, MAIN NATION MINISTRY 70

The Nova Anglicana Lions (3-5) fail to make the playoffs, but they made good out of their last playdate by defeating MNM and bringing them down to 1-7.

GROUP H: GANDAK 83, UNIFIED SUNRISE ISLANDS 77

The 5-3 tie between Gandak and the USI is broken by the former's 2-0 record over the latter. Gandak takes the second playoffs spot in Group G after 6-2 Valanora.

---

Game Schedule - Group G

Surge Record So Far: 7-1

Matchday 1: BREAK
Matchday 2: W 72-61 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 3: W 90-67 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 4: W 91-65 vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR*)
Matchday 5: W 73-57 vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Matchday 6: BREAK
Matchday 7: W 74-57 vs. Nova Anglicana (16)
Matchday 8: W 97-61 vs. West Saintland (8)
Matchday 9: W 119-56 vs. Main Nation Ministry (UR)
Matchday 10: L 71-79 vs. Pittopi (UR)
BREAK
Round of 16: Purple Jerseys vs. Qasden (13)

*Unranked.

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.[/quote]

[Ethane]

Explosive News: Sports
International Basketball Championships 22

[Home] [Cricket] [Rugby] [Hockey] [Tennis] [Baseball] [Basketball] [Gaelic Football] [Other Sports]

---

The Playoffs Preview Part 1

Saint Kayne vs Qasden

Saint Kayne has proven to be an almost unstoppable force during the group stages. As the top seeded team, they have performed the best in the groups, winning all but 1 game. Their biggest victory came in the ninth match day of the groups, when they demolished Main Nation Ministry 119 points to 56 points - a margin of 63 points, proving they have a strong attacking lineup which is a force to be reckoned with. However, they have been proven to be beatable. Having almost gone through 7 matches without being beaten, including against strong teams such as West Saintland and Nova Anglicana, they then went to lose in their last match against Pittopi 79 to 71 in a massive upset, which prevented any team from going unbeaten during the groups. However, they are not a team to ignore, as they have the highest points differential in the tournament - +184 points across the 8 group stage matches - beating Vangaziland who had +162, and while they do not have the highest points for in the tournament - Vangaziland pips them to that by 14 points - their high points for record combined with the best defence in the tournament leaves them as a team that others should be worried about, and one that is a foot in to win this tournament.

Qasden has shown itself through the group stages as a team which has the capability to perform well, but has pitfalls which has prevented them from performing stronger. The team was in a relatively interesting group, one that ended up having 2 clear winners but a group of strong unranked teams and lower-ranked teams who performed relatively well compared to those in other groups, leaving both teams progressing at the bottom-end of the seeding. Qasden themselves just lost out to Cosumar for the group victory and a higher seeding, as Cosumar won a game in overtime, giving them an extra point, so in that case could be seen as relatively unlucky, but their defence was weak throughout, and let the team down against teams such as Bendicion on match day 4, when they lost 100-77. This weak defence is shown through them having the worst points against score of any team progressing out the groups, and one trait of their team that will likely let them down against the team from Saint Kayne in their playoff match.

Prediction
This game seems to be relatively clear cut in terms of who the victor will be. There is no doubting the quality of the Qasden basketball team, as they did manage to progress out of the groups into the playoffs, which is a relatively decent feat in itself, considering the quality of some of the opposition in the groups this IBC. However, the team from Saint Kayne, with their strong attack and defence which has seen them acheive the best points differential in the groups, seems to be practically unbeatable apart from a slip-up against Pittopi. A slip-up against Qasden remains unlikely, almost impossible, meaning that this game isn't about whether Saint Kayne wins, but how much by.

Vangaziland vs West Saintland

Vangaziland is a team that was pushed throughout the group stages by the pressures of Valladares behind them, but a team that never let up more than that one game, which was against Valladares near the start of the group stages and which they only lost by a margin of 1 point - Valladares 76–75 Vangaziland on match day 2. They are undoubtedly one of the strongest teams in this tournament, as shown by their strength in attack - Vangaziland has acheived the best points for differential out of all the teams with 701 points for across the 8 group games, which equates to 88 points per game - which has propelled them to the second seed, only behind Saint Kayne who held the strongest defence in the groups. They also hold the prize of the second best defence in the tournament, making Vangaziland and Saint Kayne a great match were it to come up later in the playoffs or the final.

West Saintland, out of all the teams to progress out of the groups, seems to be relatively unspecial, and especially weak in attack. They appear to have an average defence - 572 points were scored against them during the 8 games - and have the weakest attack out of all the progressing teams - 583 points for across the 8 games. They also only won 5 of their games and lost 3 of them, putting them second to last in the seeding along with their poor +11 points differential, only avoiding the bottom seeding because Qasden has progressed as the only team with a negative points differential. However, at points the team has shone, such as their 69-51 victory against Nova Anglicana, and their 49-80 victory against Main Nation Ministry, and while they may not be the strongest of teams, they were in a group with one of the best international teams in the current time in Saint Kayne, and so do have an excuse for their below par performance.

Prediction:
This is another game which seems to have almost complete certainty in the outcome of the game before it has even begun. West Saintland have had a difficult run through the groups, having to face Saint Kayne, which was always going to be a difficult task, yet they could never find a way past the almost unbeatable defence. However, their inability to win against Saint Kayne leaves no room to suggest that they can beat Vangaziland, who are the second best team in the tournament by a large margin, and have a better attacking presence than Saint Kayne, and with the worst attack in all the teams who progressed, there appears to be no path to victory for them.

Abanhfleft vs Vettrera

Abanhfleft is the third such team that has only lost 1 of their group games, suggesting that they are a relatively strong team to contend with. Their performance has justified their claim as the third strongest team in the tournament. Holding the third best defence in the tournament - only 540 points were scored against them, 1 higher than Vangaziland - puts them as a serious contender for the title of the tournament. However, their average attack on the court - only a points for record of 637 - does leave questions about their chances, not necessarily in their earlier playoff games but later when they face the likes of Saint Kayne and Vangaziland, if they do come that far into the tournament. However, their loss did come to Anglatia, who had a rather weak cycle, albeit having only lost 83 points to 81.

Vettrera is another team which achieved a relatively meagre 5 wins out of 8, and has one of the worst defences in the teams progressing from the groups - scoring only 594 points across the 8 games, an average of 74 points per game. However, they have succeeded against some stronger teams, including their narrow 77-76 victory against Drawkland on match day 7. However, they were in a relatively unfortunate and testing group, with the teams progressing based on their last fixtures and with 2 teams finishing on 15 and 2 teams finishing on 12, meaning that all teams were tested during the groups and come into the playoffs having had more pressure applied, and therefore in a slightly better position than other teams, who may have been able to stroll through their groups, such as Abanhfleft, who was the first team to guarantee they would progress out of the groups.

Prediction:
This game does appear to be a slightly closer affair than the other two games with teams who dominated their groups. However, it is fairly obvious which team is the stronger out of the 2 in this fixture. While Vettrera has been tested more in the groups, they did put in a weak performance in the groups and this reflects on them as a team that could be stronger, but has failed to shine at its brightest. This leaves the game open for Abanhfleft to take, and while Vettrera does have a slim chance of victory, the domination of Abanhfleft during the group stages is sure likely to continue into this game, and possibly further into the playoffs.

Ethane vs Gandak

Ethane takes the place as the 4th seeded team to progress out of the groups. They progress with the third strongest attack - 666 points for across the 8 group games - which is no simple feat with the rest of the competition. Weaknesses in the team earlier in the group stage saw 2 losses against teams such as Jeckland in the second match day and Frenline Delpha on the fourth match day, both of which were competitive teams for progression. However, this strong performance from Ethane is founded on a challenging and competitive group, with both Frenline Delpha and Jeckland having pushed for progression, and Kaboomlandia with an early surge to try to progress to the playoffs in what will be their last International Basketball Championshiops. While Ethane has had some weaknesses, especially in defence where 588 points were scored against them during their 8 group matches, the 4th worst record in defence of all teams who progressed to the playoffs, they still remain a strong team, and will be a force for all teams to be wary of come the playoff fixtures.

Gandak takes on the best chance of all second seeded teams to win their playoff fixtures so far, with their record in the group stages. Despite losing 3 of their 8 games, 1 more than Ethane lost, they remain in with a fighting chance considering they have the better defence of the two teams, conceding only 571 points during their 8 games. While they certainly aren't as strong in attack, with only 601 points for across the 8 games, they have a strong team, and do have a fighting chance in the playoff fixture against Ethane.

Prediction:
Gandak does have a strong team coming into these playoffs. They have a stronger defence than Ethane, the team they are facing, and have come in with a half decent record after being challenged in group stages for their position. However, Ethane remains the likely victor in this game, with the dominant attack, and a much more challenging group which has pressured them a lot more, equipping them for the playoffs better. This game will likely go to Ethane, but Gandak should not be discounted.

[Abaja]

International Basketball Championships XXII

R016: Drawkland vs Abaja

---

The group stages in IBC 22 are over with. Now, the Abaja Lions (#9) are looking to get past the first round for the first time since entering the IBC. This time, they face the Drawkland Net Corps (#8), who have won 5 of their 8 games played in the group stages of IBC 22. Drawkland has shown that they can defeat even the more competitive teams like Gregoryisgodistan and Vettrera. They started off hot, winning their first three games before going into a short slump, losing back-to-back-to-back games to Gregoryisgodistan, Chromatika and Vettrera. Now being in 3rd place in the group stages, the Net Corps got on to two straight wins and jump from 3rd place to 1st place, securing their playoff spot. Talk about clutch. The Abaja Lions also got on the same hot streak, going undefeated on their first three games before getting stumped by Abahnfleft. Not just once, but twice.

Head Coach Yuhan Anekwe spoke out to his players, saying what the team needed to do in order to win. "Defense!", he said. "Defense is more important than anything in this game. What we must do is clog the lanes for any Drawkian player willing to drive in. Don't EVER leave any man open from outside. Play aggressive, but not too aggressive. We don't want anyone to get into foul trouble. Don't be selfish with the ball. Hero ball will only pressure on your back and won't give the rest of the team any momentum. If you find someone open, then get it to them!" *Glances at Pápá Mouyre* "If he ain't open, then don't try to squeeze it in there! I don't want Olu to be getting all the damn rebounds! Help him out and stop expecting him to get a board on every guy! I am saying this all of this because sometimes you guys look like fools on the court. Playing sloppy with no chemistry. The two losses that we recieved from Abahnfleft reflects my words." "YOU!" *Points at Jacob Nessal* "YOU better be 100% POSITIVE that you are going to knock down that damn field goal before thinking about calling for a pass! R'Andi! I want you to do a better job at boxing out against defenders. Put your hands UP! Jump UP! NOBODY will SLEEP tonight until I see you all have gone 10/10 from the free throw line!" He went on and on for hours yelling at the players to make defensive plays, take smart shots, and pass the ball The players went through drills and scrimmages for hours. At the end of practice, he said to his players, "We only have one chance to make things happen. One fuck-up and we a done. So am I."

During the press conference, the much calmer version of Anekwe spoke out about the match. "I think Drawkland is a great team that shows a lot of heart out on the court. Though they aren't the best, they are always willing to put up a fight. This game definetly won't be a simple one for us. We will actually have to work for every possession that we get. I'm sure my players are ready. We just need to make defense a priority in the game. Without defense, they'll be scoring all over us easily, which is obviously what we don't want. I've gone over some plays with my players which I'm sure will work in the game IF we play smart and work as a team. This could be my last chance as a coach, and I'm willing to make it happen. I want Abajans to see that their national team was successful at the sport that they love the most. I'm sure every Abajan fan would be excited to see the team win, even if it were by the smallest margin."

[Abanhfleft]

A Tale of Two Brothers, Part Eight

The Loin and Pound was just one of many pubs scattered throughout the New Kilkenny district of Markovsky, but it was easily the most popular because this particular pub was owned by the family of one of the cities’ darlings, the young Fleftic national team and Ludogorets Markovsky Ladies striker Zsofia Dolan. The Loin and Pound was also basically at the other end of town from the home ground and facilities of Imperial Markovsky Football Club, but following his companion’s desires to get away from places which reminded her of her ex-boyfriend, Vitaly Zima had driven all the way here anyway with Marissa Bures, former girlfriend of Vitaly’s twin brother Arkadi.

It was just nine in the morning when Vitaly and Marissa arrived at the Loin and Pound, but when they got there, they were very much surprised to see that the whole place was already packed. There weren’t any games on at the moment showing any teams from Markovsky, so that couldn’t be the reason why there were a lot of people at the bar, but Vitaly didn’t know what could possibly bring all this people here. “Stay here, Mari,” he told Marissa as he got out of the car and walked into the bar.

He was surprised to see that not only were there a lot of people in the bar at this time, but that he recognized a lot of them as well. What in the world were the Fleftic women’s national football team and the Malabon Black Ops basketball team doing here in the Loin and Pound? Everyone turned around in surprise as Vitaly walked into the bar, and he could feel everyone’s eyes track him as he walked over to the bar where the current proprietor, a curly-haired and bearded Irishman named David Norton was pouring drinks.

“Oh, shite,” David muttered once he saw Vitaly walking towards him. “You shouldn’t be here, Vitaly,” he said once the Imperial Markovsky player had reached him. “You shouldn’t know about this, man.”

“What’s going on here, David?” Vitaly asked. “What are Chelsea Stuart and Leo Baxter and Alex Rousseau and Newt Isaacs and the rest doing here?”

Just as David opened his mouth to reply, the door opened once again, and Marissa walked in. Her appearance was greeted with a lot more enthusiasm than Vitaly’s, and one of the women even stood up to greet Mari. “Mari, I’m so glad you could come!” none other than Zsofia Dolan herself said as she embraced Marissa. “So, are you going to join the Tuesday Club for sure now?”

“The Tuesday Club? What’s the Tuesday Club?” Vitaly asked.

“Oh, well, since the cat’s out of the bag and all that…” David muttered. “The Tuesday Club is this gathering of friends and associates every available Tuesday to drink, chat, and shoot some darts. It used to just be the Mythical Five, you know; Chelsea, Alex, Sonny, Lilly, and Addie, and then the rest of the women’s national team got in on the action. Then the other Mythical Five came along; Leo, Newt, Jan, Boris, and Dylan, and now they’re bringing along other people as well. It used to be a secret thing, but you know how there are no longer any more secrets in this interconnected world of ours, Vitaly, so the Tuesday Club’s not as big of a secret as it was before. It should be off-limits to the likes of you, who haven’t been invited in by any of the members, but seeing as you’re here now, you have to join. It looks like your brother’s girlfriend’s already getting in on the action, though.”

Vitaly turned around and saw that Marissa was already seated with Zsofia on a table which included Alexandra Rousseau, Leonidas Baxter, Isabella Maynard, Newton Isaacs, Allison Torres, and a girl who looked very much like Alisandra Vacek. “Yeah, that’s Allie Vacek over there, all right,” David said to Vitaly’s unasked question. “Who would’ve thought that Sonny Torres herself, who’s supposed to be the role model of the players of Sporting Club de Ceneisis, is leading her own side’s top prospect astray? You can’t make up a story like this.”

“Look, Davey, is there any possibility that Mari and I could get a private parlor or someplace quiet?” Vitaly asked.

“Ho-ho-ho, Vitaly, are you already getting the moves on your brother’s ex?”

“It’s not like that, David, and you know it. So, how about it? Anywhere quiet where the two of us could just sit and drink?”

“I’m afraid there’s no such place here right now,” David replied with an apologetic shrug. “It’s a full house, after all.”

“Figures,” Vitaly muttered. “Right, just give me two San Miguel beers.”

“They’re ready and waiting for you, sir,” David said with a Cheshire cat grin as he laid down two brown bottles on the bar, which Vitaly took back to the table where Mari was sitting. But at the same time he sat down, Zsofia stood up and called out, “Everyone, I would like to propose a toast.” Everyone turned around, glasses and mugs and bottles in hand. “To the newest members of the Tuesday Club, Allie Vacek, Mari Bures, and Vitaly Zima!”

“To, Allie, Mari, and Vitaly!” the others repeated.

Zsofia sat back down and turned to Vitaly. “Don’t be shy, guy!” she said. “Look, I know that this is your first time with the Tuesday Club, but I’m sure David’s already told you how we do it here. Just tilt your head back, tip the beer and the scotch and the vodka and whatever else you fancy in your mouth, get talking, and shoot some darts if you still can!” Zsofia then turned to Marissa and said, “I think I know why you finally decided to join us, Mari. It has everything to do with what your boyfriend just said on Tweeter, doesn’t it?”

Marissa could only laugh as she drank from her beer. “God, the issue’s really chasing me everywhere I go,” she muttered. “Yeah, Sofie, this has everything to do with that goddamned Arkadi breaking up with me. You know, I didn’t really plan on going here and joining the Tuesday Club, and it totally slipped my mind that you were going to be doing it here when Vitaly brought me here, but here we are now.”

“Did the guy really just call you a gold digger, though?” Alex Rousseau asked, already slurring her words. Vitaly wondered how long the current session of the Tuesday Club had been going on before he and Mari interrupted them for Alex and the others to already be deep in the sauce like that.

“Damn right he did!” Marissa shouted. She never did have a high toleration for alcohol. “And don’t ask me why he thinks I’m the gold digger when he’s the one who wanted to become the highest paid player for whatever club wants him! This trip was supposed to be all about me forgetting about him, but you’re all just making it worse!”

“Well, how was I to know that you wanted to forget all about him?” Zsofia asked. “All right, I’ll shut up now.”

“But you are right about what you want to do, Mari,” Leo Baxter said, adding his two cents to the conversation. “Once your guy thinks that you just love him for something, then that’s the time for you to forget all about him and move on. God knows that I could have loved Alex here for her money, but obviously, our love’s not like that, right?”

“You’re damn right about that, Leo,” Alex said, and the two of them kissed. “Oh, and Mari,” Leo said once they had finished, “don’t waste any more time crying about that guy if he’s treating you like that. Look at Allie here. She’s already lost her mother yet she doesn’t look like it!”

“It’s not for lack of trying,” Allie Vacek said from her end of the table. Vitaly had heard rumors and gossip that Allie played games on a high level of inebriation, and while he had no idea if it was true, it seemed to be the only explanation why she was still a bit more coherent and composed than the rest of the Tuesday Club. “I mean, I know that she’s my mother, and she’s the one who gave birth to me, but she also kept trying to control me and turn me into her model daughter, and she kept wasting my hard-earned money on her own stuff. I just can’t feel anything for my mother anymore, be it guilt or remorse or sadness or anything.”

“Hey! We finally got her talking!” Newt Isaacs called out from the middle of the table.

Sonny Torres, Allie’s teammate in Sporting Ceneisis, asked her, “Did your mom really do that? Did your mom take all the money that you got from your sponsorships and your recording deals and blew it all on drugs and booze?”

“Yep,” Allie nodded, sipping her own drink. “That’s why I agreed to sign for Ceneisis even though it’s not the biggest contract I could have had. I don’t deal well with people trying to control me. I guess it’s because my mom’s been trying to control me ever since I could walk and talk, but that’s just how I roll. I didn’t get off to a good start with Tullio, either,” she said, referring to the new manager of Sporting Ceneisis, Tullio Zorzalo. “Tullio signed Lance Connors along with me hoping that he’d keep me in control, but Lance is really not the kind of friend or influence that Tullio thinks he is to me, and when I reported to the first team training session, I showed up ‘drunk as a skunk,’ as Sonny here was more than happy to describe it. Sonny here bailed me out for Tullio, you know? She agreed to take me under her wing for him, and I also had to promise not to do it again as a condition for him bringing on my half-siblings to the academy as well. They’re nearly dirt poor because they’re with my worthless excuse of a father, and I’m not going to make them go through the same hardships that I did when I was growing up.”

“That sounds like a good thing for you to do,” Bella Maynard piped in. “But maybe you should work on mending your relationship with your father.”

“He gave up any right to be called my father when he left me and my mom,” Allie said, and judging by the tone of her voice, this topic was not open for further discussion, even among the Tuesday Club. “Still, it’s not half bad, this Tuesday Club. I heard about the reputations of your teams when it comes to booze and drugs, but I wasn’t expecting to be treated to this when Sonny agreed to help me tackle my drinking problems.”

“Well, to be completely honest, drugs is the only thing which we don’t tolerate over here,” Sonny said. “Coaches are willing to overlook drinking and booze as long as no one tries to smuggle drinks in during training, no one shows up halfway into a bottle like Allie here, and everyone gives their hundred-and-ten percent during training.”

“All right, all right, but let’s get to the question to which everyone wants to know the answer,” Bella said, raising her hands to shush the rest of the table. “Allie, how in the world do you do it? Multiple sponsorship deals, a singing career, and even a spot as a character in a TV show? All of us here can barely focus on just playing football and basketball, and here you are, juggling your football career with your other things, and you’re just eighteen! Leo here has some rap albums made during the basketball offseason; Chelsea, Alex, and Sonny have still got that band they made up back in college; and I’ve done some a cappella stuff on Your-Tube but that’s all offseason stuff for us. You’ve got recording sessions, commercial shoots, and now a main role in a TV series in Anglatia! How are you going to do that now that you’re here in Abanhfleft?”

“Oh, it’s all much easier than it sounds,” Allie replied. “My TV series is now going to be shooting here because I’ve moved to Ceneisis, and my record label’s opened up a new branch in Mereilles to accommodate my schedule.”

“Well, I’m glad that you can do all that at such a young age,” Bella said, “but make sure not to overwork yourself too. I mean, you look like you’ve got a huge career ahead of you, and I’d sure hate to see it wasted because you ended up burning yourself out by handling too much.”

“I’ve already been doing this for a few years now,” Allie said confidently. “I’m sure that I can manage a few more years.”

“Give us some lines from your latest episode!” Zsofia called out. The rest of the table agreed with Zsofia, and Allie tipsily stood up. “Hang on, let me get into character first,” she said, and then she cleared her throat, and said, “Do not be afraid of the barking of the dogs who are waiting at our gates. Our collective hopes and dreams, which are in our hands and on our shoulders, are safe. There are false heroes and false beliefs which we must work together to eradicate to attain the freedom we want. This is not a legend and not a concept, this heroism we want to reach. We come from one root, one blood, one name, one path which we must take, one oath, and one flag.”

“Hey, that sounds familiar,” Sonny muttered.

“It should be,” Allie said with a smile. “The scriptwriters took it from the lyrics of one of your songs from your offseason albums. Of course, there’s still a lot of work to do to clean it up and make it something that you’d expect to hear on TV, but don’t worry about the royalties. The production staff’s not cheap.”

“Hey, I think Mandy and Vicky are ready to continue their darts rivalry,” Zsofia said, referring to Amanda Warren and Victoria Carter, who had stood up and taken their places in front of the pub’s dart board. And that was how the rest of the day went, with darts and drinks and music. Newt Isaacs and Chelsea Stuart got into a contest on who was the better guitarist, with the contest being very even in everyone’s opinion. Vitaly himself shot some darts with Jan Harris, who ended up demolishing Vitaly in three consecutive legs. Mari went up against Allie and made a good accounting of herself. And through all that, none of them ever gave Arkadi Zima another thought.

[Ethane]

Or Happy Holidays.


Cutoff.

[Ethane]

Results - Round of 16

(1) Saint Kanye 91–73 Qasden (16)

(2) Vangaziland 90–58 West Saintland (15)

(3) Abanhfleft 94–52 Vettrera (14)

(4) Ethane 91–71 Gandak (13)

(5) Ceni 93–62 Jeckland (12)

(6) Valanora 68–70 United States of Devonta (11)

(7) Cosumar 84–88 Valladares (10)

(8) Drawkland 74–76 Abaja (9)

Saint Kanye vs Abaja
Heritage Sports Centre, New Sarum

Vangaziland vs Valladares
Hearthstone Arena, New Sarum

Abanhfleft vs United States of Devonta
Swanmouth Square Arena, Swanmouth

Ethane vs Ceni
Titleigh Multi-Purpose Arena, Swanmouth

[Saint Kanye]

IBC 22: SURGE ELIMINATE VANS IN R16
Up next: Abaja in QF round

by Claude Harlan

NEW SARUM - Brock Dotson scored 23 points, including 15 in the second half, to help the #1 seed St. Kanye Surge erase a five-point deficit at halftime and beat the #16 seed Qasden Vans, 91-73, in their 22nd International Basketball Championships Round of 16 game held at the Heritage Sports Centre in New Sarum, Ethane. With the playoffs being only a single game per round, the Surge already move on to the quarterfinal round, where they will be playing the Abaja Lions, while the Vans are now eliminated. Abaja, seeded ninth, outlasted the eighth-seeded and much bigger Drawkland Net Corps 76-74.

With the Surge choosing to wear their purple jerseys to the game, the Vans played in white. It was the latter who drew first blood, with a fifteen-foot jumper and one courtesy of power forward Ryu Okasayo, who would end up being the Qads' top scorer with 18. Shooting guard Victor McLain of the Surge quickly tied things up in the next sequence with a right corner three. Qasden would respond with an 11-2 run, but St. Kanye would close the gap to just two, 17-19, at the end of the first quarter. It would be a back-and-forth game for the second quarter, with neither team leading by more than five (even then, Qasden's five-point lead came at the halftime buzzer with a floater by point guard Justen Hocks, 38-33 Qasden).

Coaches Anton Spoletto and Bernard Foley of the Surge decided to switch things around and start the third quarter playing tall ball. Both centers Joel Pond and DeAngelo Norris were put in (Norris as PF), with Dotson, naturally a PF, playing the three spot. Captain Josh Jackson moved from small forward to SG, while McLain became the PG. This lineup immediately produced results, with the two seven-footers Pond and Norris and the 6'10" Dotson using their height to block and rebound at will, and Jackson and McLain using their deadly offensive skills as always. The game swung in St. Kanye's favor as they made runs, capturing the team's and the game's biggest lead so far at ten, 66-56, at the end of the third. The fourth quarter saw yet another change of tactics for the Kanyeans, as they put in Jayvon Duff at SF to help McLain out in shooting threes, starting PG Michael Porter back in for quick scoring, and Pond and Dotson for cleanup. The Surge, true to their name, continued surging ahead. They led by 24, 88-64 after two free throws by Michael Porter off a foul by Tzayne Porter (no relation), exactly two and a half minutes remaining in the game. The Vans reduced the gap a little with the Kanyeans resting their players, ending up losing by just eighteen. At the end of the game, the Surge's Coach Spoletto went to the Qad bench to shake the hand of his counterpart Dravin Starks, with Assistant Coach Foley doing the same to the Vans' Assistant Coach Angela Llamer. The players from both sides did their handshakes at midcourt.

"That's one down", said the Surge's Dotson. After being told that their next opponent is Abaja, the avid follower of international hoops added, "The Lions are a rising team. They've been improving since their first IBC debut [IBC 17]. They'll give us quite a challenge". Abaja's first round win likely means an extension to the contract of head coach Yuhan Anekwe, as there are rumors that he'll be fired if the Lions don't reach the quarterfinals, something that they have now done so after defeating the Drawks.

The St. Kanye-Abaja game will be held at this same location. 6,135 Kanyeans were able to enter the 20,000-seater stadium for the Qasden game, with more expected to come tomorrow. The Surge will be playing in white against the Lions, who changed their away uniform from green to black this season.

Scores:

ST. KANYE 91 - Dotson 23, McLain 16, Pond 14, Jackson 12, Norris 8, Porter 8, Duff 7, Adams 2, Coyle 1, Levy 0, Lopez 0, Walker 0.

QASDEN 73 - Okasayo 18, Hocks 13, Tazel 12, Markins 8, Boxton 7, Pobbs 5, Porter 4, Rybrett 4, Ulemar 2, Aksen 0, Frosts 0, Trepel 0.

Quarters: 17-19, 33-38, 66-56, 91-73.

Reader Mark H. from Lincolnton tells us that the "Vans" nickname of Qasden's basketball team comes from a kind of cat, not a vehicle. Thank you for the info, Mark! You receive a free Kibitzer jacket. You have 30 days to claim your prize. Please email merchandise@the-kardashia-kibitzer.stk for details, as well as your color and size preference.

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Around the IBC - Playoffs Edition

by the Kibitzer Research Department

(2) VANGAZILAND 90, (15) WEST SAINTLAND 58

Vangaziland showed why they are IBC 22's top offensive team with a 32-point demolition of the Sanctii.

(3) ABANHFLEFT 94, (14) VETTRERA 52

An even more lopsided win came courtesy of the defending champ Rebolusyonaryos, as they steamrollered Vettrera by 42.

(4) ETHANE 91, (13) GANDAK 71

Hosts Ethane stay alive in this tournament, beating first-timers Gandak by twenty.

(5) CENI 93, (12) JECKLAND 62

Ceni advances with a 31-point whooping of Jeckland. Up next for the Snakes are the hosts themselves.

(11) UNITED STATES OF DEVONTA 70, (6) VALANORA 68

The campaign of IBC 21's runners-up ends with a two-point defeat to the USD, who face the Fleftics next.

(10) VALLADARES 88, (7) COSUMAR 84

Valladares arranges a third meeting with fellow Group B team Vangaziland with the Round of 16's second upset, over the Stallions.

(9) ABAJA 76, (8) DRAWKLAND 74

Finally, we have the Surge's quarters opponent, the Lions, who edged a Drawkland team that's one place higher in both the seedings and the world rankings (15th vs. 14th).

---

Game Schedule - Playoffs

Round of 16: W 91-73 vs. Qasden (13)
Quarterfinals: White Jerseys vs. Abaja (15)

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.

[Abanhfleft]

I'm going to shift the Pridnestrovian invasion storyline here right now because the World Bowl is on break. Enjoy if you dare as always.

The Pridnestrovian Invasion of Nordskania, Part Eleven

Admiral of the Pridnestrovian Navy Timofey Rubchev Naval Base
Novorossiysk-na-Dnistr, Yatuvilsk Socialist State, Pridnestrovia

A cold and foggy dawn was preparing to rise up in the Pridnestrovian port town of Novorossiysk-na-Dnistr, or Novorossiysk for short. The name of the city roughly translated to “New Russia on the Dniester”, and it was one of the oldest settlements on the Dniester River, established by Russian colonists when they first set foot on the new continent in their constant search for resources, warm ports, and territory. Novorossiysk was the most important town during the Russian colonization of Pridnestrovia and still remains the second-largest city in the country and the most important port city. It was the site of Pridnestrovia’s largest shipbuilders, the Novorossiysk Machine Building Enterprise (commonly shortened to NOVMASH), which was the primary contractor for the Pridnestrovian Navy but also had special branches producing civilian shipping. On the mouth of the Dniester River, a few kilometers away from the city itself, was the country’s largest naval base. Officially the Admiral of the Pridnestrovian Navy Timofey Rubchev Naval Base, and the Rubchev Naval Base for short, it was named after Admiral Timofey Rubchev, who had led the Pridnestrovian Navy during both the democratic transition of the country and its subsequent return to communism under President Field Marshal Stepan Stepanovich Stepanenko. Rubchev, while never a true supporter of socialism, was a patriot, popular with the people, and had famously declared that he “would fight for democracy, socialism, fascism, anarchism and any other kind of –ism so long as the Pridnestrovian Republic remains.”

Today was looking to be yet another cold day for the citizens of Novorossiysk even as the war between Pridnestrovia and the Mountain Pact of Anglatia, the Nordskanian Democratic People’s Republic, the so-called “State of Nordskania” and the so-called “Community of Revolutionary Nordskania” was heating up. But, beyond the mists of the Dniester, a threat waited for its opportunity to show the citizens of Pridnestrovia that they were not safe from the imperialist aggressors.

Rubchev Naval Base was such an important and strategic installation for Pridnestrovia that aside from the already substantial naval presence, it also had nearby supporting Army and Air Force barracks and air fields. Even the Strategic Rocket Forces had deployed a special detachment tasked specifically to defending the base against missile attacks, and it was from the Air Force that the first signs that the fighting between Pridnestrovia and Anglatia had taken on a new level came.

“Comrade Colonel, I’m picking up five unidentified returns on the edge of our territorial airspace,” one of the radar officers manning the massive early warning and detection complex at the western edge of Rubchev Naval Base, furthest away from a potential seaborne invasion landing attempt, said to his commander when he noticed the five green blips appear on his screen. Aside from radar, the complex utilized other technologies such as visible-light and infrared satellite imagery and seismological sensors, among others, to detect possible threats to the security of Novorossiysk in particular and Pridnestrovian sovereignty in general.

The colonel in command of the radar section of the early-warning complex walked over to the screen of the radar officer who had called in the blips and looked at it for himself. “Are you not picking up any transponder pings from them?” he asked.

“Negative, Comrade Colonel,” the radar officer replied. “If they were ours, we would have a clear transponder signal, and even if the transponders on five planes somehow all failed at the same time, they would still be appearing much more clearly than just a bunch of green dots like we’re seeing now. But as you can see, the radar returns on them are quite indistinct.”

“How about the IFF?”

“We should still be getting something from them even if they are from Anglatia or Abanhfleft or whichever country, but as you can see, Comrade Colonel, even the IFF has nothing on them.”

“Keep an eye on them, Comrade Captain, and tell me if they’re doing anything suspicious. I’m going to call the tower about this.”

“Yes, Comrade Colonel.”

The colonel of aviation walked over to a nearby telephone and punched in a single number, which immediately connected him to the air control tower of the air force base near Novorossiysk and Rubchev Naval Base. “Andrey Ilyich, it’s Ilya Markovich,” he said. “I need you to check your radars and see if you’re picking up five blips outside the territorial airspace.”

“Hold on a minute there, Ilya Markovich,” the colonel commanding the air control tower of the air force base replied as he walked over to his own radar screens. “Yes, I see them,” he said. “You did say five blips, right?”

“Yes, you’re right, five blips.”

“Well, I also have five blips on my scope, but they’re now inside our airspace, and they look like they’re traveling at a fast pace…” The colonel of aviation in the control tower went silent as he observed the blips travel from the edge of the radar, which roughly corresponded to the edge of Pridnestrovia’s territorial airspace, towards the center, roughly equivalent to the city of Novorossiysk, at near-supersonic speeds. “I’ll call you back, Markich,” he said before he put down the phone without waiting for a reply and striding over to one of the air traffic controllers. “Scramble some interceptors and get them up in the air because five unidentified objects have just penetrated our airspace and are now going supersonic for Novorossiysk!” he ordered.

“Yes, Comrade Colonel,” the captain of aviation nodded her head.

“And try to make contact with those blips! Try to find out who they are, what they’re doing here, and why they have just trespassed into Pridnestrovian airspace without permission!”

“Yes, Comrade Colonel.”

Once three successive tries to make contact with the unidentified contacts had yielded nothing but static, the four MiG-35 fighter jets which had just taken off from the air force base on what was supposed to be a routine patrol mission over the Pridnestrovian coast had been reassigned to intercept the rapidly incoming blips, identify them and, if possible, try to ascertain their motives. For Lieutenant Colonel of Aviation Vladimir Petrovich Malenkov, this was not how he had imagined he would be spending his last few years in the Air Force before his mandatory retirement. Malenkov was a veteran of over a dozen wars and campaigns through his fifty years in the Air Force, most notably the Great Patriotic War against Szavoda, but in the new peace of the current decade, he had looked forward to a quiet last few years flying MiGs on routine patrols of Pridnestrovian airspace, but now that they had invaded Pridnestrovia and dragged the Anglatian imperialists and their fascist and anarchist puppets into the fight, Malenkov had had to face the prospect that he would have to fly on the frontlines one last time before he retired. And since he was retiring, he was very much aware that his chances of making it through this latest conflict in time for his 65th birthday were growing ever slimmer by the day.

Still, he had been given his orders, and while he had no idea what to expect when he intercepted the mysterious blips, he was going to carry out the orders given to him by competent authorities. He served the Pridnestrovian Republic, after all.

He and his flight of three other MiGs, composed of Major of Aviation Yuri Fyodorovich Ashchenko, Senior Lieutenant of Aviation Tanya Ivanovna Numismatova, and Lieutenant of Aviation Mark Yuriyevich Zhuzhev, had been sent out by the air force controllers to divert from their current patrol and intercept the blips which had suddenly appeared alongside the rising sun today. The blips could be anything from either Fleftic or Anglatian jets to actual unidentified flying objects, or UFOs. As a pilot, Malenkov was skeptical of the UFO phenomenon, but right now, with the blips not responding to any calls or even sending out a transponder or IFF signal, the latter seemed a little bit more possible right now.

“Tiger Flight, you should be within visual range of the contacts now,” the air force controller told them as Malenkov and his MiGs initiated a racetrack patrol pattern over the waters just outside Novorossiysk.

“If we’re within visual range then we should be right next to the contacts by now,” Ashchenko muttered on the inter-plane frequency. “The fog over here is as thick as a cloud!”

“You’re right, Yuri,” Malenkov replied. “We have to get out of his fog bank if we’re going to get eyes on the contacts. Yuri, you and I will take the top. Tanya and Mark will take the bottom.”

“Yes, Comrade Colonel,” both Numismatova and Zhuzhev said in compliance of his orders, and Malenkov could hear the telltale scream of jet engines descending through the atmosphere. He applied a little more thrust to his own MiG and lifted the nose a little to give him added speed and altitude. Behind him, he felt more than heard Ashchenko’s MiG following him up above the fog. The MiG-35 was no doubt a great technological marvel in warplane design, but for Malenkov, it felt just a little bit too modern. Maybe it was because he had been trained in the old first-generation MiGs and Sukhois in which the pilot was in complete control and not sharing it with some kind of computer or whatnot, but Malenkov felt more comfortable, more in his element in the MiG-19 of his youth rather than the fly-by-wire MiG-29s and MiG-35s available to the Air Force. Still, he couldn’t deny that the MiG-35 was a good jet even though computers were doing more of the flying for the jets than the pilots now.

“Rubchev, this is Tiger One,” Malenkov suddenly said. “I have eyes on the contacts.”

Flying above the fog bank had been the wise move, after all. Once above the fog, the visibility was thousands of times better, and even Malenkov’s age-blurred eyes could discern the proverbial silver linings in the fog, which turned out to be a formation of four fighter jets surrounding a single larger jet. And, judging by the fact that it was slim and streamlined, Malenkov could guess that the large plane in the middle of the fighters was some kind of stealth bomber.

That in itself would explain some of the things observed on initial contact by the radar stations. It would explain why the blips were not registering properly on the radar, and it also explained how the blips were able to go almost supersonic to get from the edge of Pridnestrovian airspace to being almost above Novorossiysk right now. But right now, it didn’t explain the absence of either a friendly or an enemy designation from the IFF.

“Tiger Flight, form on me,” Malenkov ordered, and he barely registered the reports of assent as he punched on the afterburner to eat up the distance between him and the contacts. As soon as he was nearly level with the bomber and its escort, he turned off the afterburner and pulled back on the stick until he was flying level with and to the left of the contacts and in the same direction as they were, towards Novorossiysk. Ashchenko’s MiG then appeared on Malenkov’s left wingtip as he kept the contacts on his right. Beyond them, Numismatova and Zhuzhev took up their own intercept formations to the right of the contacts. At this distance, it was easy to make out the markings on the bomber, which had been painted a brilliant white. “Novorossiysk, this is Tiger One,” Malenkov called out. “The contacts are Anglatian Air Force.”

The air force controller forgot all about protocol when she shouted, “Govno!” on the radio for Tiger Flight to hear.

“She’s right, you know,” Ashchenko said to the rest of Tiger Flight.

“Novorossiysk, what are the rules of engagement?” Malenkov asked. “Do we bring them down or force them to land?”

“Negative, Tiger One. Hold intercept formation until further notice.”

Hold formation until further notice… That told Malenkov everything that he needed to know. No one was sure how to deal with this latest development, this infringement of sovereign Pridnestrovian territory by imperialist warplanes. If it was any other country, Malenkov would have found it a little bit funny. Seeing as it was his own Pridnestrovia which was at a loss, he didn’t find it very funny at all.

“Tiger Flight, confirm that you have intercepted Anglatian Air Force units,” the controller finally said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes, Novorossiysk, we confirm that these are Anglatian Air Force units,” Malenkov repeated. “I can see three purple stars inside a white circle ringed in purple on the wings and the vertical stabilizer, the rudder.”

“Tiger Flight, you do not have permission to engage the units. Do not fire on the planes or make any aggressive moves. However, our comrades in KGB and GRU wish that you could take pictures of the planes for further examination of the enemy’s capabilities.”

“Repeat your last, Novorossiysk,” Ashchenko said, not quite believing his ears.

“The KGB and the GRU want pictures of the Anglatian planes for further examination, Tiger Two. If you can provide them photos of these planes, it will help the Committee and the Directorate determine the new threat level to our nation by the imperialists.”

“Copy that, Novorossiysk,” Malenkov said before Ashchenko could say some choice expletives about the Committee for State Security and the Military Intelligence Directorate. “We can’t shoot down these planes because that’s what Comrade Colden wants, a reason to finally bring the war to us,” he told Ashchenko on the private channel. “I’m sure that we’ll get updated orders to bring down these bastards as soon as they appear to be preparing for an attack on Novorossiysk, but before we get that order, we cannot do anything to them.”

“I understand, Volodya,” Ashchenko replied, referring to Malenkov by his nickname.

Soon enough, Malenkov got confirmation of his own theory when the controller got back to them. “Tiger Flight, these are your rules of engagement,” the controller in Novorossiysk said. “You are to maintain interception distance from the contacts. You do not have permission to engage the contacts. However, you do have permission to engage if, in your opinion, the contacts appearing to be preparing to attack Novorossiysk and nearby facilities. And you are to gather photographic evidence of the contacts for the KGB and the GRU to examine and analyze potential capabilities.”

“Copy that, Novorossiysk,” Malenkov said. Following the Anglatian bomber and its escorts at a safe distance was child’s play for him. And even though the Anglatians did not have or did not turn on their IFF transponders during their transit from their country to Pridnestrovia’s shores, and despite the fact that the bomber had elements of stealth designed into it, at this distance a Sunbeam air-to-air missile couldn’t possibly miss such a big and inviting target. But Malenkov and the rest of Tiger Flight kept their missiles quiet just yet, even though they did turn to their sides and give the Anglatian pilots glances at their weaponry.

The difficult part of the operation was photographing the Anglatian bomber. Pridnestrovian sources knew that Anglatia had developed a new bomber plane capable of firing nuclear-tipped missiles, but they had little information on the plane aside from that. If this bomber turned out to be one of those new-fangled planes, a few quality photos would give Pridnestrovia essential information about its capabilities and how much of a threat it posed to them in the current stage of the war. Unfortunately for Malenkov and Tiger Flight, their MiGs were fighter jets and interceptors equipped with missiles, bombs, and guns; not reconnaissance planes equipped mostly with cameras. But a solution that only the modern world could have come up with provided itself when both Numismatova and Zhuzhev offered to use their smartphones to photograph the Anglatian planes.

“How good are the cameras on your phones, though, Tanya, Mark?” Malenkov asked. He was, after all, an old man with a sometimes well-placed mistrust of modern technology.

“My phone has a 32-megapixel camera, Comrade Colonel,” Zhuzhev replied. “And I think Tanya’s phone has 16 megapixels.”

“Can you explain to me what that means in terms an old man like me can understand?”

“Let’s just say that it’s as clear as any photograph from our satellites,” Zhuzhev said.

“All right, I’ll take your word for it. Mark, form up on my wing. Yuri, you do the same with Tanya.”

Ashchenko and Zhuzhev switched places in their formation, with Zhuzhev flying at Malenkov’s left wingtip and Ashchenko holding formation on Numismatova’s right. Malenkov watched as young Mark Zhuzhev held up the black rectangle that was his smartphone and took photos of the Anglatian bomber. Zhuzhev masterfully flew his MiG around the bomber and its escorts, taking pictures from every conceivable angle. Zhuzhev even took pictures of the bomber’s belly and then, in a superb display of flying expertise, Zhuzhev flew above the bomber in an upside down position and took pictures of the top. In his opinion, the pictures that he and Tanya Numismatova took today would certainly help the KGB and the GRU create a good analysis of the capability of this latest Anglatian weapon.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of flying all around the bomber, a feat which didn’t even faze the Anglatian pilots, both Zhuzhev and Numismatova declared that they were finished. Right at that moment, the Anglatian bomber began to descend through the clouds until it was just a few thousand feet above the highest buildings in Novorossiysk. “Yuri, follow me and keep on this bomber’s tail!” Malenkov ordered. “Tanya, Mark, keep an eye on the escorts.”

Malenkov and Ashchenko followed the bomber as it flew above Novorossiysk, where everyone who looked up would clearly see it as the fog had lifted by now. As they followed the bomber, Malenkov couldn’t help but notice some of the landmarks of Novorossiysk, from the Cathedral of Saint Avvakum to the Nistreanu Insurance Tower to the Novorossiysk Nickel Arena, the home stadium of FC Admiral Novorossiysk of the Pridnestrovian Super League. The bomber flew all the way across the city before turning back just beyond the range of the anti-aircraft batteries surrounding Rubchev Naval Base and then going the same way it had come from.

After that run over the city, the bomber and its escorts took to flying in circles over the Novorossiysk beachfront, in full view of anyone and everyone who wanted to watch. The Pridnestrovian jets maintained a close distance to the Anglatians until eventually the Anglatian bomber turned away from the city and cracked the air with sonic booms as it went supersonic on its journey back to Anglatia, flocked by its escorts.

“What was that all about, Volodya?” Ashchenko asked once the Anglatians had departed Pridnestrovian airspace altogether.

“I believe they call it a show of force, Yuri,” Malenkov replied as Tiger Flight made its way back to its current home base. “Our dear Comrade Colden wishes to show us that he has the equipment to strike us when he wants. But the Comrade President will not take this sitting down. He will want to respond in kind and threaten Colden’s own people. Just how exactly he will choose to do so, though, I do not know. But Comrade Stepanenko will respond in kind, and I am willing to bet my retirement pension on that.”

[Saint Kanye]

GUNMAN IN ETHANESE DRIVE-BY CASE ARRESTED
Suspect turned in by mother

by Danica Tressler

MERSEYSHORE - The hunt for the drive-by shooter who killed a 34-year-old recent parolee and injured two others ended yesterday when the suspect was turned over to the authorities by his own mother.

Riley Tucker, 25, shot three people in front of a bus stop at approximately 10 pm Ethanese time last Monday: Kibitzer sportswriter Ray Wright, 45, who's recovering at the city hospital; Grace Charlain, 19, who's also at the hospital but in a coma; and Stephen Walker, 34, a former swindler who was just released from jail and who died from his injuries in the ambulance. Tucker was arrested in the apartment that he's sharing with his mother Mia, 52, after she called the cops on his son at approximately 5 in the morning Ethanese time yesterday. The younger Tucker confessed that he was hoping to kill a love rival by the name of Jett Spielman that night. Spielman, 26, escaped the drive-by shooting unharmed when he rushed into a nearby pet store, police later learned.

Upon hearing of the news of the arrest, Wright has stated that the 75,000-Coinye reward (about NS$151,000 at the time of this writing) shall be given to Mrs. Tucker, the one who found the culprit, as promised. The money shall be given once Wright gets out of the hospital.

[Ethane]

Or Happy Holidays.


Cutoff.

[Ethane]

Results - Round of 8

(1) Saint Kanye 79–73 Abaja (9)

(2) Vangaziland 76–74 Valladares (10)

(3) Abanhfleft 94-69 United States of Devonta (11)

(4) Ethane 68-62 Ceni (5)

Saint Kanye vs Abanhfleft
Heritage Sports Centre, New Sarum

Ethane vs Vangaziland
Hearthstone Arena, New Sarum

[Abanhfleft]

The Pridnestrovian Invasion of Nordskania, Part Twelve

Ross, Empire of Anglatia

His name was Vladislav Karlov. His papers said that he came from Turbayov, Nordskania and fled to Anglatia once the anarchists had taken over the northern part of the country. Karlov was an itinerant immigrant worker, performing various odd jobs throughout the country as he tried to come to terms with the fact that his own country had been torn apart into anarchist and socialist sides. Karlov made no secret that he harbored socialist views; he thought that Vasily Zharkov was the greatest thing to come to Nordskania since sliced bread, and that the anarchists, whom the Anglatians had supported “secretly,” had no business splitting the country apart.

Recently, Karlov had gotten a job as a truck driver, hauling various goods and whatnot around the country. Today, Karlov was in Ross, the capital of Anglatia, and his current job was to take a load of canned fruits from the capital to Lane. His route would take him across the capital city before getting on the highway to Lane, which was just perfect for him. It would fit right in with the plan in his mind.

Cruising down the streets of Ross, Karlov spotted a war rally going on in a particularly wide stretch of road in front of the local meeting house for the current ruling party of the empire. War rallies had gotten more popular ever since Pridnestrovia had invaded Nordskania, and the anarchists of Revolutionary Nordskania had declared war on Pridnestrovia to keep their homeland from falling under socialist rule once again, and Anglatia had come into the war on the side of Revolutionary Nordskania, who along with a few other Nordskanian breakaway states had combined to form the Mountain Pact. This particular war rally was exhorting the people with images of Anglatian victories during the Second Imperial Crusade, the Second Torsjo War, and the current campaign in Nordskania. They also vilified the Pridnestrovians by showing images of supposed war crimes committed by the Pridnestrovian occupiers on captured Nordskanian villages, prisoners, and even select tortures for captured Anglatians. It was more than enough to set the people supporting their side and hating the other, and while the Anglatians were enthralled by their empire’s noble war effort against the hated communists, Karlov chose the moment to strike.

Because the truck that he was driving was an automatic, it was hard for Karlov to gain speed as he pressed his foot on the accelerator once the light had turned green. It was especially hard because trucks had more gears than ordinary cars, but eventually Karlov was able to get his truck going at a respectable speed. At the next intersection, he ignored the signs forbidding passage straight ahead due to the rally, and Karlov put the pedal to the metal as he crashed through the signs, the protective barriers, and into the crowd.

The screams of the people mixed with dull thuds as bodies were smashed against the truck. The bumps which Karlov ran over during this short trip into the crowd were actually people whose bodies had been forced under the truck by the chaos and the stampede to get away from the mad driver. At first, people were still thinking that this was just a freak accident, but once Karlov steered the truck towards another large group of people, they realized that this was no accident; someone was after their blood.

Karlov didn’t bother with counting how many people he had run over; what mattered now was the mission, and his mission was to kill. Once the truck had lost whatever momentum it had gained during the first seconds of the attack, Karlov braked the truck and hopped out of the cab. He then took out a pistol with a 100-round ultra-high-capacity magazine and opened fire on the remaining crowd. As he pulled the trigger, he opened his mouth to scream his own war cries.

“Remember Torsjo!” Karlov shouted. “Remember Patierre! Remember Ryakova! Remember your beloved dead!”

By this time, the local police had finally responded to what had been reported as a terrorist attack, and they converged on the scene to confront Vladislav Karlov. Karlov was hit twice in the chest even as he emptied a hundred rounds into the Anglatian crowd and police, but once he had to reload, the police took the opportunity to land the third and final blow to Karlov, who slumped back against the front wheel of his truck, blood dribbling from his slack mouth along with his last rasping breath. “Remember your beloved dead” were his last words before he finally succumbed to the darkness.

---

The Kremlin
Tiraspol, Transnistrian Socialist State, Pridnestrovia

“Things are looking better for us on the ground in Nordskania now, Comrade President,” Minister of Defense Marshal of the Army Oleg Sergeyevich Dallutev said to begin the latest update of the situation in Nordskania to the Pridnestrovian Politburo. “Because the Nordskanian People’s Army has spread itself so thin fighting on so many fronts, we have been able to achieve much faster progress on that particular front than anywhere else at the moment. The 66th Guards Division has rolled up at least three divisions’ worth of forces from the so-called ‘Soviet Republic of Nordskania’, but it’s getting harder and harder both to consolidate our gains in the south and to keep up the chase against the NPA as they retreat ever closer to Puloko. Comrade General Pankavuranov is asking for permission to shift the 247th Guards Armored Division and the 50th Motor Rifle Division from their positions around Sopova and the Red Strip to supporting the 66th Guards in their march to Puloko.”

“And who shall take the place of the 247th Guards Armored and the 50th Motor Rifles around Sopova, Comrade Marshal?” President Field Marshal Stepan Stepanovich Stepanenko asked.

“Two divisions, the 9th Mountain Division and the 67th Rheinburg Infantry Division, will take the place of the 247th Guards Armored and the 50th Motor Rifles around Sopova and maintain the pressure on the fascists and their imperialist reinforcements,” Dallutev replied.

“Since when did the 9th Mountain and the 67th Rheinburg arrive in Nordskania, Comrade Marshal?”

“In the last few hours, Comrade President. Despite the Anglatian Navy’s Third Fleet to intercept our own convoys to Nordskania, our own Navy’s submarines were able to dissuade them from the opportunity until such time as our own forces have landed safely in the combat zone.”

“How were the imperialist ships able to escape their anarchist puppets’ port? I thought our Navy is keeping them cooped up in Turbayov?” Stepanenko asked.

“Yes, Comrade President, that is true,” Admiral of the Navy Vasily Grigoriyevich Domovich replied. “However, once the Anglatians had got word of the arrival of our convoys, I gave our submarines orders to let the Anglatian Navy sail out of Turbayov and lure them towards our convoys. Once they were within striking distance of our ships, our submarines let loose with their sonar and kept the enemy surface ships on their toes until such time that our own transports were able to deliver reinforcements to us. Sure, we did lose seven out of seventeen transport ships, three frigates, and suffered catastrophic damage to one of our destroyers during the Anglatian sortie, but the important thing is that we were able to reinforce our forces in Nordskania with more than two-thirds of the force that we had brought from our country.”

“Very well, then. Oleg Sergeyevich, tell Vsevolod Leonidovich that he has permission to move the two divisions he requested from Sopova to Puloko and to move the reinforcing divisions to the Sopova front.”

“As you wish, Comrade President.”

“Sergey Mikhailovich, how goes the air war today?” Stepanenko asked.

Marshal of Aviation Sergey Mikhailovich Drulyenko cleared his throat loudly and took some time to speak. “It has become a little bit more difficult for our air forces to operate in Nordskania as freely as they used to,” Drulyenko admitted. “The Anglatians are bringing in designated anti-aircraft units to support the division which they already have on the ground. Our planes are still able to control the skies and do damage to the enemy, Comrade President, there is no doubt about that,” he quickly added, “but as of today they may to play a smaller role in the fighting than we had planned.”

“How is that possible, Comrade Marshal? Shouldn’t you be doing something to solve that?”

“Yes, Comrade President, that is true. Our intelligence tells us that these anti-aircraft units are part of the Anglatian division on the ground. It is just a matter of catching them with our ground units and the skies of Nordskania will be ours once again.”

“Excellent. Now, Timofey Ilyich, are there any news from our enemy’s homefront?”

“Yes, Comrade President, and I am afraid that they are not good news for the faint of heart,” Timofey Ilyich Andropov, Chairman of the Committee for State Security, replied to Stepanenko’s query. “In the last few hours, there has apparently been a terrorist attack in Ross, the capital of the Anglatian empire. It appears as if a Nordskanian refugee has decided to drive a truck through a war rally, killing an unknown number of people, before he got out of his truck and opened fire on the crowd, injuring dozens more. Only a swift, if you even call it that, response from the local police prevented this from being a worse tragedy for the Anglatians than it is right now. Before he was killed, the attacker shouted things like ‘Remember Torsjo!’, ‘Remember Ryakova!’, and ‘Remember your beloved dead.’ Right now, they do not know what these statements mean, but they think that it must be related to the war in Nordskania.”

Stepanenko shook his head in sad resignation. “That is the shape of today’s world, comrades,” he said in a low and even tone. “People are now finding stranger and stranger ways to send their messages across. First we have the Anglatian bomber appearing over Novorossiysk, and now we have a mad truck driver running over people and shooting at them in Ross. What is the world coming to? Surely the truck attack happening just days after the Anglatians sent their bombers to our shores is a massive, massive coincidence.”

“If you say so, Comrade President,” Chairman Andropov said in a neutral voice.

“Now, comrades, is there anything else which I should be aware of before we return to the business of running our country?” Stepanenko asked. “Vladimir Nikolayevich, Boris Faddeyevich, do you have anything for us?”

Major General Boris Faddeyevich Birsakov of the Military Intelligence Directorate decided to speak up first. “Comrade President, we have come across an unexpected development,” he said. “While carrying out consolidation operations in the Fiergrad area south of Sopova, our soldiers encountered sporadic resistance in the towns of Fiergrad and Duradino despite scouting reports which said that the aforementioned towns should already be clear of People’s Army resistance. The People’s Army had abandoned said towns in their efforts to fight in three fronts at once: against us, against the anarchists, and against Zharkov’s loyalists, and the scouts reported no presence of enemy activity in the towns when they went to scout them out. However, in the two hours which it took our infantry to go from their positions to Fiergrad and Duradino, this new enemy force, which is estimated to be from between a battalion to a regiment’s worth of manpower, has managed to infiltrate Fiergrad and Duradino, and now they’re keeping our lads on their toes while they work on securing the area.”

“Where could this enemy force have come from, then?” Stepanenko asked. “I thought that we had already accounted for all of our enemies in Nordskania.”

“Comrade President, if I may interrupt, I believe that I have the answer to that particular question,” Foreign Minister Vladimir Nikolayevich Ofinovic said. “My people in the Foreign Ministry have been doing their jobs, ensuring that public support of our war in Nordskania remains high among our allies, friends, and associated states, when they came across these mentions of a so-called ‘Vestania for the Vestanians’ movement. The Vestanians are a people descended from the original Valerian settlers of Nordskania before branching off to become their own people. They’ve kept quiet during the original turmoil in Nordskania and even fought alongside the northern anarchists during that particular conflict, but now that Nordskania is in a right mess, it looks like they’ve decided that now is the time for them to get their own country. Their recruitment sites are currently claiming that they have captured both Fiergrad and Duradino and have declared Fiergrad as their new capital. This is most likely inspired by Darya Zharkov’s declaration of the Red Strip and Sopova as being the site of her so-called ‘State of Nordskania’. The Vestanians are calling their own people to arms to support their own state, and even though the majority of the local Vestanian population would rather keep themselves out of the fighting, we have reliable records of migrant Vestanian populations, and we have reason to believe that these migrants are the ones being called upon by the local Vestanian populace to help carve out their own state in Nordskania.”

“Do these Vestanians pose any threat to our ultimate objective of restoring order to Nordskania?” Stepanenko asked.

“Hardly, Comrade President,” Birsakov replied. “Yes, the Vestanians have at least a battalion and at most a regiment’s worth of men, but they are little more than a paramilitary force hastily organized to protect their own people against the Nordskanian People’s Army during the latter’s occupation of the Vestanian homelands. If we bring one of the two divisions supporting the 66th Guards to task against the Vestanians, I am confident that we will wipe them out quickly and eliminate further resistance from them. However, Comrade General Pankavuranov has brought up an interesting possibility, Comrade President…”

“Do tell, Boris Faddeyevich,” Stepanenko invited.

“Comrade President, General Pankavuranov believes that it is possible to bring the Vestanians to our side for the rest of the conflict in Nordskania,” Birsakov said, choosing his words carefully. “Some of the Directorate’s agents in the area have chosen to maintain covert surveillance of the Vestanians and their supposed leadership element, and they have reason to believe that the Vestanians could choose to strike an alliance with the Mountain Pact because of their close proximity to the so-called State of Nordskania, which is, as you know, one of the members of this Mountain Pact. However, there are elements of the Vestanian leadership which do not like the idea of entering into an alliance with the Mountain Pact, but we are still uncertain as to which way the Vestanians lean. General Pankavuranov believes that this provides us with an opportunity to secure our flank against fascist and anarchist aggression by having an ally and a buffer state while we proceed with our offensive against Puloko and the People’s Army.”

“And how are we going to go about getting the Vestanians to our side?” Stepanenko asked. “I remember someone saying that the Vestanians fought with the anarchists against our old allies, the Nordskanian Democratic People’s Republic. How are we going to convince them to fight alongside us Communists?”

“The Vestanians wish to have their own state, Comrade President,” Ofinovic replied. “The Mountain Pact and Anglatia are more interested in having ideological allies; the concerns of a people without a homeland are of no consequence to them. Yes, the Vestanians fought alongside the anarchists against the communists of the old regime, but if we promise them their own country once we have completed our overall objective of returning order to Nordskania and to guarantee their freedom and independence, then maybe we can lure them over to our side.”

“This is indeed an interesting development, comrades,” Stepanenko said once the Politburo had absorbed the new information provided to them. “It is not often that I acknowledge that I have made the wrong decisions, but perhaps the decision to not have any allies in this war is going to cost us in the long run. Perhaps now is the time to make some friends. But I really hope that we make the right decision in making a new friend out of these Vestanians. Because if they turn out to be the worst kind of friend, the wrath of Pridnestrovia will wipe them off the face of the earth.”

[Saint Kanye]

IBC 22: YEEZIES VS. FLEFTICS III
Surge knock Abaja Lions off, arrange semis duel with Rebs

by Dante Dinkley

NEW SARUM - New season, new look, same rivalry.

Both the St. Kanye Surge and the Abanhfleft Rebolusyonaryos entered the 22nd International Basketball Championships in Ethane with overhauled rosters, but the classic rivalry between the purple and lime and the blue, orange and green, the two most recent IBC champs, becomes reignited as both teams move on to the semifinals against different foes. The Surge won against the Abaja Lions 79-73, whereas the Rebs turned back the United States of Devonta, 94-69.

The clash between the Surge and the Rebs will be vastly different from the two teams' previous IBC meetings. For one, they are in the semis, whereas in IBC 19 and 20, they fought in the quarterfinals. For another, the likes of James Blackwell and Leonidas Baxter were replaced by a starting five of Michael Porter, Victor McLain, Josh Jackson, Brock Dotson and Joel Pond for St. Kanye, and Chris Morada, Emiliano Sumeras, Karri Savila, Emerson Paloma and Jazz Higgs (whose mother Kristen hails from the Glorious Free Republic) for Abanhfleft. The series record stands at 2-0 (4-1 in actual games played) in the Yeezies' favor, although the Rebs made it all the way to the IBC 21 crown without resistance from the Surge, who didn't make the playoffs.

The Surge first had to go through the Abajans before getting to this epic clash. The Lions beat a much bigger Drawkland Net Corps team by two, 76-74 in the Round of 16, and were looking for a second straight upset in the quarterfinals. 7'2" center Joseph Olu won the jump ball over his two inches shorter Kanyean rival Joel Pond, and the black-clad Lions scored the first six points of the game. A three by Surge captain Josh Jackson and a hook shot by Michael Porter made the score 6-5, but three successive shots by Abaja's captain, shooting guard Jacob Nessal, made the Lions pull away again. The Surge used up their first timeout with 6:54 remaining in the first quarter with them trailing 17-10. Victor McLain, who missed four of five shots, and Brock Dotson, who already got three fouls without a single score, were taken out in favor of Jayvon Duff and Joey Levy in the shooting guard and power forward positions, respectively. The Surge then went on a 11-1 run to finish the first ten minutes of play leading 21-18.

After the Lions retook the lead 30-26 with 7:47 remaining in the second quarter, Kanyean head coach Anton Spoletto put his starters back. McLain shook off his rough start by making his next four shots, three of them from long range, while Dotson was able to outrebound Olu twice and block two shots. These acts helped the Surge take a nine-point lead, 45-36, at halftime. However, Armani Welch's three steals and Nessal\s ten-point performance in the third quarter cut the Kanyean lead back to five, 60-55. It didn't make things much easier when Pond got whistled for his fifth for charging, against Abajan reserve Vincent Osu, with 8:17 left in the fourth and the Kanyeans protecting a slim lead, 67-62. Pond's replacement DeAngelo Norris held his own against the Lions' bigs, though, making crucial shots such as the two-handed slam at 1:52 left, plus the free throw off a foul by Mbade Grette, for a six-point Surge lead, 74-68. The Surge held on to this lead until a right corner three from Welch with just 41.5 seconds remaining put the Lions back within a single possession, 76-73. Jackson missed the shot on the next sequence, which gave Abaja the opportunity to either tie or get to within one, 14.8 seconds remaining. But the inbound by Papa Mouyre was intercepted by Porter, who then passed the ball to McLain, who drained a quick three before any Lion could get to him for the intentional foul. With only 6.4 seconds remaining and out of timeouts, Abaja could not respond quick enough, and they would bow out of IBC 22 with a 79-73 loss to the St. Kanye Surge. The top scorers of both teams were the Surge's Victor McLain with 22 and the Lions' Jacob Nessal with 20.

Darrell Gatson of the original Surge was one of the 6,438 Kanyeans in the tightly-packed Heritage Sports Centre. "We're back as one of the best in this contest, one of the four remaining. Props on the guys, props on the staff, and of course the fans for their undying support. We're two games away and we need them wins more than ever, so let's go, team!" he said. Current Surge player Zack Coyle, in a separate interview, also thanked everyone, and added "I understand why the next game's gonna be a big deal, and seeing how our team did against them [Abanhfleft] back in IBC 19 and 20, there's no room for us to let our countrymen down."

The top seed Surge will once again wear white for tomorrow's match, also to be held here. This means that the Rebs, the #3 seed, will be wearing blue. The other semis game pits hosts Ethane, the #4 seed, against second-seeded Vangaziland. The former got in by virtue of a 68-62 victory over Ceni, while the latter stopped former groupmate Valladares, 76-74.

Scores:

ST. KANYE 79 - McLain 22, Jackson 15, Porter 12, Dotson 7, Pond 7, Norris 6, Duff 5, Levy 5, Adams 0, Coyle 0, Lopez 0, Walker 0.

ABAJA 73 - Nessal 20, Welch 16, Olu 8, R'Andi 7, Mouyre 6, Osu 6, Grette 4, Akazi 2, Marakwo 2, Ojejie 2, Anele 0, Nicholson 0.

Quarters: 21-18, 45-36, 60-55, 79-73.

---

Around the Web - IBC 22 Playoffs Edition

No international competition is complete without internet-savvy Kanyeans reacting on social media, as this selection of tweets show:

---

Game Schedule - Playoffs

Round of 16: W 91-73 vs. Qasden (13)
Quarterfinals: W 79-73 vs. Abaja (15)
Semifinals: White Jerseys vs. Abanhfleft (2)

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.

[Ethane]

Cutoff.

[Ethane]

Results - Semi-Finals

(1) Saint Kanye 82–74 Abanhfleft (3)

(4) Ethane 96– 71 Vangaziland (2)  
(scorinated by Damukuni)

Ethane vs Saint Kayne
Heritage Sports Centre, New Sarum

Abanhfleft vs Vangaziland
Hearthstone Arena, New Sarum

[Saint Kanye]

(OOC: Any resemblance to real Twitter usernames is purely coincidental. Same with last post)



IBC 22: FINAL PITS SURGE AGAINST HOSTS
Abanhfleft squares off with Vangaziland for bronze

by Dante Dinkley

NEW SARUM - The St. Kanye Surge return, from a season of missing the playoffs, back to the finals of the International Basketball Championships, in the 22nd edition in Ethane.

Sporting brand-new players, the Surge rallied back from 15 points down at the end of the third quarter to deny the Abanhfleft Rebolusyonaryos a chance for back-to-back titles, 82-74. St. Kanye thus arranges a title duel with hosts Ethane, who overwhelmed Vangaziland 96-71. Joel Pond led the Surge with 17 points, 12 rebounds and three blocks, while 7'5" half-Kanyean center Jazz Higgs was the Rebs' leading scorer with 20. After the game, Surge head coach Anton Spoletto commended his players and called on supporters of the Kanyean hoops team for support, saying "Great job, boys. This is it, the finals. We just got past our biggest opponents yet [the Rebs], now let's take it even further by doing all our best. Now don't underestimate Ethane, they have the home crowd on their side, which means a lot of energy for their team to feed off of. Something we'll also be needing from our very own fans."

It was a low-scoring first quarter for the Surge and Rebs' third meeting in an IBC playoff stage (the other two being the IBC 19 and 20 quarterfinals, both won by the Yeezies). Abanhfleft's Higgs had no problem getting the jump ball over his Kanyean counterpart Pond, but the Rebs missed on their first possession when power forward Emerson Paloma's 11-foot jumper bounced off the rim. St. Kanye then had the chance to put the game's first points on the board, but point guard Michael Porter's shot was blocked by Higgs. The two teams shot a combined 25% in the first quarter, which ended with the white-clad Kanyeans holding a slim lead over the blue-wearing Fleftics, 13-12. The game was still close in the second quarter, but there was a lot more scoring from both sides. The Kanyeans had a 12-4 run that gave them a 25-16 advantage midway through the quarter, however, Fleftic captain, point guard Christian Morada, led a 15-5 comeback for the Rebs that gave them the lead at halftime, 31-30.

The third period saw Abanhfleft trying to pull away and keep their title defense hopes alive. Higgs dunked over both Surge centers, Pond with 6:34 remaining and reserve DeAngelo Norris at the 3:19 mark, combining with Morada for 23 of the Rebs' 31 third quarter points, for a score of 62 against the Surge's 47. This silenced some of the 6,582 Kanyeans at Heritage Sports Centre. Fan Azalea Blaney, 30, said "We didn't lose hope during that time. Rather, we were contemplating what the Surge would do to get themselves out of that hole."

The answer to that was both tried and tested offense and good and honest defense. Pond and power forward Brock Dotson tightened up their security in the paint, while Porter stripped defenders of the ball and made passes to St. Kanye's scoring machines, small forward and captain Josh Jackson, and three-point specialist shooting guard Victor McLain. The Yeezies were able to take the lead, 78-74 on a four-point play by McLain off a foul by Fleftic counterpart Emiliano Sumeras with just 1:28 remaining. Abanhfleft simply gave up fouls the rest of the way, and Porter sunk four free throws at the end for the final tally, as the two teams shook hands and the Kanyean crowd shouted "FI-NALS! FI-NALS!"

Ethane, a defensive-minded team, shall be relying on a first five of Andrew Steven-Pauls, Kevin Stacey, Henry Tellersom, Samuel Anderson and Lewis Oswalds. The Surge's Zack Coyle, known for his defensive prowess, calls the hosts "the next best thing to facing the Ko-orenites, since that team with the famously strong D is regrettably not in this IBC." The game is once again at Heritage Sports Centre, and the Kanyeans this time will be wearing purple.

Scores:

ST. KANYE 82 - Pond 17, McLain 15, Porter 13, Dotson 10, Jackson 10, Coyle 6, Norris 4, Walker 4, Lopez 3, Adams 0, Duff 0, Levy 0.

ABANHFLEFT 74 - Higgs 20, Morada 17, Paloma 14, Savila 7, Sumeras 7, Guiloreza 4, Beatty 2, Simboro 2, Malaganas 1, Alvarez 0, Cabañas 0, Estoya 0.

Quarters: 13-12, 30-31, 47-62, 82-74.

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Around the Web - IBC 22 Playoffs Edition

The result of the St. Kanye-Abanhfleft semis matchup generated a lot of buzz on cyberspace. Here are a few samples.

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Game Schedule - Playoffs

Round of 16: W 91-73 vs. Qasden (13)
Quarterfinals: W 79-73 vs. Abaja (15)
Semifinals: W 82-74 vs. Abanhfleft (2)
Finals: Purple Jerseys vs. Ethane (19)

All games televised live through SKYNET (Saint KanYe NETwork) Sports Channel 12 and streamed on ibc-tv.stk.