World Bowl XXXI Everything Thread

by **Main Nation Ministry** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:25 pm

After the First Matchday

The teams were cheering. Main Nation Ministry destroyed the Christian Isles with 32-0. The General immediately ran up to them with a smile on his face. "I can't believe this! This is our first time and we were trained to be naturals! Now, don't let your guards be down! We need to keep training the same way! I shall have more prisoners for you to train with. Now, we will return to training!"

During the 2nd day of training, the prisoners who volunteered either left the training area on a stretcher or in a body bag.

Meanwhile...

The number one fan was carrying a duffel bag, smiling. She was here to honor the Leader, but she wants to have the Leader honor her back. She did what she wanted to love him, but he branded her a terrorist for it. It makes sense, seeing how the Leader compared her if Ted Bundy and Charles Manson raised a child. Her charisma was high enough, that no one will question her, even if she was threatening them with a gun saying how it's from a movie. She was in in her "home" with her "parents". Her "parents" lifelessly sat at the chairs at each end of the table, frozen in time, already dead. She turned on the TV and saw the news of the football team winning the first match day. She got herself a bottle of the Leader's favorite soda and sipped it.

And now, back to Training...

The general was sipping his own drink. A guilty pleasure of snake fish oil with vodka. He looked down back at the training area, where the defensive team were once again, tackling another poor soul. The general simply smiled again, knowing that his team is going to win the next match day. He went back to his office and admired the photo of him with the former Second In-Command. "You will be missed.", the General said, frowning a little. He already made a call to the Ministry of Truth to write the team's first win in the history books. The general put on his cologne and put his little silver snake fish pin on. When the team wins the next match day, he will make a press conference addressing the team and having the population encourage them to win.

"For the history books."

Back at the training area, Ray Wilkerson was practicing kicking the football to the goals, laces out as always. James Millers walked up to Ray who kicked a goal. "Ray, my man!", said James. "Mr Millers, I'm practicing as always." "I know that, Ray. But you need to stay focused. I saw you almost about to taunt the crowd from the opposition side. You need to remember the consequences of things." "Mr Millers-", Ray stopped because he stepped in a puddle of blood from another unlucky prisoner. "Ray, I know you can do good, those Christian Isles parasites were weak. They deserved to lose. You still need to remember to stay on your guard." "Yes, Mr Millers.", Ray said as he walked to the restroom to wash off his bloody cleat.

by **Free Republics** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:46 pm

This is your Matchday 2 Cutoff, presented by the Salvation Circle. Visit your local Salvation Circle church this Sunday morning to learn how you too can gain forgiveness for your sins!

MD2 Results

All-Mart Conference

All-Mart Conference
Banija 55–13 Vettrera
Main Nation Ministry 19–3 Santaclausisgodistan
The Redvale 30–0 Christian Isles
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 29–16 Abaja
Schottia 44–0 Somersville
Southern Democratic States 3–45 Cosumar

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Schottia                      2    2   0    67    0  +67
 2 Cosumar                       2    2   0    76   16  +60
 3 Main Nation Ministry          2    2   0    51    3  +48
 4 Banija                        2    2   0    87   40  +47
 5 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       2    2   0    63   23  +40
 6 The Redvale                   2    1   1    43   31  +12
 7 Southern Democratic States    2    1   1    26   51  −25
 8 Abaja                         2    0   2    43   61  −18
 9 Santaclausisgodistan          2    0   2     3   42  −39
10 Vettrera                      2    0   2    19   78  −59
11 Christian Isles               2    0   2     0   62  −62
12 Somersville                   2    0   2     7   78  −71

RT&T Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry          2    2   0    51    3  +48
2 Banija                        2    2   0    87   40  +47
3 Abaja                         2    0   2    43   61  −18
4 Christian Isles               2    0   2     0   62  −62

R&K Bank Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Cosumar                       2    2   0    76   16  +60
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       2    2   0    63   23  +40
3 The Redvale                   2    1   1    43   31  +12
4 Somersville                   2    0   2     7   78  −71

FreedomCola Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Schottia                      2    2   0    67    0  +67
2 Southern Democratic States    2    1   1    26   51  −25
3 Santaclausisgodistan          2    0   2     3   42  −39
4 Vettrera                      2    0   2    19   78  −59

Sporting World Conference

Sporting World Conference
West Saintland 6–7 The Fair Republic
Qasden 13–69 Kaboomlandia
Kebec 30–26 De Dreamland
The United States of Saints 3–16 Allamunnic States
Jeckland 0–36 Gregoryisgodistan
Newmanistan 43–6 Cumhact

                                Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Kaboomlandia                   2    2   0   105   20  +85
 2 Allamunnic States              2    2   0    59   10  +49
 3 Kebec                          2    2   0    64   26  +38
 4 The Fair Republic              2    2   0    29   24   +5
 5 The United States of Saints    2    1   1    25   35  −10
 6 Newmanistan                    2    1   1    61   28  +33
 7 Gregoryisgodistan              2    1   1    55   22  +33
 8 Qasden                         2    1   1    67   76   −9
 9 West Saintland                 2    0   2    13   50  −37
10 De Dreamland                   2    0   2    33   84  −51
11 Jeckland                       2    0   2     7   72  −65
12 Cumhact                        2    0   2     6   77  −71

RepublicSoft Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Allamunnic States              2    2   0    59   10  +49
2 Qasden                         2    1   1    67   76   −9
3 West Saintland                 2    0   2    13   50  −37
4 De Dreamland                   2    0   2    33   84  −51

O'Reilly Organization Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Kebec                          2    2   0    64   26  +38
2 The United States of Saints    2    1   1    25   35  −10
3 Gregoryisgodistan              2    1   1    55   22  +33
4 Cumhact                        2    0   2     6   77  −71

Olden Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Kaboomlandia                   2    2   0   105   20  +85
2 The Fair Republic              2    2   0    29   24   +5
3 Newmanistan                    2    1   1    61   28  +33
4 Jeckland                       2    0   2     7   72  −65

Nicholls Enterprises Conference

Nicholls Enterprises Conference
Oisinistan 33–3 Republic of Rawn
Fujisawan Territories 20–19 United States of Devonta
Frenline Delpha 38–0 Fleuronordicia
Allamunnic Sporting Commission 17–37 Drawkland
Ethane 37–19 Thereisnogodistan
Selvera 34–20 Korizland

                                   Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Frenline Delpha                   2    2   0    71    3  +68
 2 Drawkland                         2    2   0    52   27  +25
 3 Fujisawan Territories             2    2   0    37   26  +11
 4 Oisinistan                        2    1   1    43   18  +25
 5 United States of Devonta          2    1   1    32   26   +6
 6 Ethane                            2    1   1    43   32  +11
 7 Republic of Rawn                  2    1   1    24   47  −23
 8 Selvera                           2    1   1    48   41   +7
 9 Thereisnogodistan                 2    1   1    44   54  −10
10 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    2    0   2    34   62  −28
11 Korizland                         2    0   2    23   67  −44
12 Fleuronordicia                    2    0   2     7   55  −48

Bank of Acedonia Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland                         2    2   0    52   27  +25
2 Fujisawan Territories             2    2   0    37   26  +11
3 Oisinistan                        2    1   1    43   18  +25
4 Fleuronordicia                    2    0   2     7   55  −48

Bank of Republica Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Frenline Delpha                   2    2   0    71    3  +68
2 Thereisnogodistan                 2    1   1    44   54  −10
3 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    2    0   2    34   62  −28
4 Korizland                         2    0   2    23   67  −44

Baseton Mutual Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 United States of Devonta          2    1   1    32   26   +6
2 Republic of Rawn                  2    1   1    24   47  −23
3 Ethane                            2    1   1    43   32  +11
4 Selvera                           2    1   1    48   41   +7

Dixon Light Conference

Dixon Light Conference
Smertonosnyy 7–12 Abanhfleft
Nassau-Hessen 40–26 Cryandolap
Greater Vakolicci Haven 63–0 Equatorial Zeldaen
Northern Shrekistan 16–37 Free Republics
Kosovakia 9–23 Chromatika
Firebolt 16–7 West Angola

                            Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Greater Vakolicci Haven    2    2   0   107   10  +97
 2 Chromatika                 2    2   0    70   19  +51
 3 Nassau-Hessen              2    2   0    73   26  +47
 4 Free Republics             2    2   0    63   22  +41
 5 Abanhfleft                 2    2   0    41   15  +26
 6 Cryandolap                 2    1   1    64   55   +9
 7 Firebolt                   2    1   1    24   36  −12
 8 Smertonosnyy               2    0   2    13   38  −25
 9 Kosovakia                  2    0   2    24   61  −37
10 West Angola                2    0   2    17   60  −43
11 Northern Shrekistan        2    0   2    26   84  −58
12 Equatorial Zeldaen         2    0   2     0   96  −96

New Republican Wrestling Conglomerate Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Nassau-Hessen              2    2   0    73   26  +47
2 Free Republics             2    2   0    63   22  +41
3 Smertonosnyy               2    0   2    13   38  −25
4 Equatorial Zeldaen         2    0   2     0   96  −96

National Organization for Men Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Greater Vakolicci Haven    2    2   0   107   10  +97
2 Chromatika                 2    2   0    70   19  +51
3 West Angola                2    0   2    17   60  −43
4 Northern Shrekistan        2    0   2    26   84  −58

BearOil Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Abanhfleft                 2    2   0    41   15  +26
2 Cryandolap                 2    1   1    64   55   +9
3 Firebolt                   2    1   1    24   36  −12
4 Kosovakia                  2    0   2    24   61  −37

by **The united states of Saints** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 8:30 pm

U.S. Saints National Football Team

OOC Note: I started this after the second matchday cutoff but am putting it now so I don't forget.
Basic Information

Nation: The united states of Saints

Past Appearances: World Bowl XXIX

Nickname: Paladins

Colors: Magenta and White (previously maroon and gold)

Offensive Strategy: Believes in the run game, if you can run the ball well then you can open up a lot of opportunities offensively. Does have the capability to pass the ball occasionally.

Defensive Strategy: runs a 5-3 defensive front. Pass Defence plays zone coverage a lot but will definetely go man to man. Strong point is stopping the run game.

Coaching Staff

Head Coach: Tony Agresta

Assistant Head Coach: Jackson "Ducky" Shaw

Defensive Coordinator: Mark "The Bear" Robert

Offensive Coordinator: Bailey Choppin

Special Teams Coordinator: Dillon Monjure

World Bowl XXXI Schedule:
MD 1: Gregoryisgodistan (7)
MD 2: Allamunic States (4)
MD 3: Kebec
MD 4: Kaboomlandia (10)
MD 5: Qasden (49)
MD 6: Cumhact 
MD 7: Fair Republic (14)
MD 8: Gregoryisgodistan (7)
MD 9: De Dreamland
MD 10: Jeckland
MD 11: Kebec 
MD 12: Newmanistan
MD 13: West Saintland (25)
MD 14: Cumhact

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my Scorers: Yes
Choose Scoring Events: Yes
Godmod Scoring Events: No
RP Injuries to my Players: Yes (no longer than two games)
Godmod Injuries to my Players: No
Godmod Other Events: No

Style Modifier:-3

The Paladins have returned to the World Bowl in its 31st edition. The only time the Paladins have ever competed in this prestigious event was World Bowl XXIX their inaugural year into international leagues and the World Bowl. Many back then didn't think they would get a winning record, much less getting past the group stage. However, the Paladins proved those who thought that wrong and then some. They manages to make to the semi-finals in the playoffs where they would be beaten by eventual champions Anglatia 8-6. In the third place game The Paladins faced Banija and won by a score of 13-3 claiming 3rd place and going from an unranked to 19th.

The momentum and excitement for the next would mostly disappear in the offseason. A natural disaster struck the small-sized, but powerful nation, a 8.6 Earthquake. This earthquake devastated nearly half the country, crippling it economically with hundreds of billions of dollars in damages. Thankfully, the Capital City Aprilia was on the half of the country that not hit by the earthquake. Government officials immediately called for a Crisis Emergency Session to figure out what would need to be done to repair everything and get back to where they were. The officials then declared the plan to severely cut many things including sports financing and sent the money to service organizations to help the people and recover from the earthquake. As a result of this cut there was not enough funding to support the national leagues and the international teams, forcing the Paladins to sit out of World Bowl XXX.

Now to the present, The United States of Saints is doing a good job recovering, but still has a ways to go. Enough money was put together to support the sports leagues and teams, allowing them to start their seasons and prepare for international sporte competitions. We hope the Paladins will do well this edition of the World Bowl to get the people of The United States of Saints to forget the disaster and look forward to another season of football. The University of Angelwood-Aprilia is doing just that in NSCF 15 so the Paladins can do the same. Even though they are now ranked 26th for missing World Bowl XXX they should still do well.

by **Main Nation Ministry** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:53 pm

After the Second Matchday

The general was standing back in front of the team again, but they were sweating and almost appeared to smell like candy canes and gingerbread men, but it was possible that it was in their figment of their imaginations.
"Another successful victory! However, I noticed some things during the game. Firstly, the opposition team got 3 points, but you all got 19. Secondly, you lost 3 points from people wearing Santa suits! No time for the blame game. I shall have you all on a strict diet and exercise course of intense practice and orange slices, water and snake fish to eat. Now report to the training area at an instant!", the General yelled at his team to do so.

Meanwhile...again

The number one fan was sitting at the TV, watching the sports. She made cookies shaped like football and ate them with glee. She looked down on the floor where there was a chalk outline covered with photos of her favorite person in the world, the Leader. The Leader isn't dead, but she wants him in her "house." Noises came from the bedroom, which started with knocking, but she get the knife soon. She didn't want her guest making too much noise. Besides, she lined the bedroom with egg cartons and covered the bedroom floor with paper.

Back at Training

The team were at the cafeteria, staying hydrated with bottles of fresh water, orange slices, and tasty snake fish cuisine with help of the government approved nutritionist. Ray was talking to himself practicing "Laces out" as he finished eating and went back to the goals to start kicking. The general was eating his own meal with ingredients to make him stay focused. A business agent walked up to him at the cafeteria and started talking. "General, sir. I'm from S.I.G.H.T and we were wondering if you let us advertise Stanley the Snakefish mascots to people in Main Nation Ministry to spy on our citizens and keep them entertained with the Bowl. Can we make the toys now?" "Of course, we need to have the Leader be happy when he gets back from the Welcoming Ball." "Yes, General, sir.", the agent said before walking away with the General's statement.

The general drank another glass of his guilty pleasure, then yelled at his team in the cafeteria, "Ok, men! I hope you all are full and hydrated. We shall begin training as usual! We shall have the prisoners hold knifes when you are practicing with them, so you all are prepared and focused! Now when you all enter the training area, you will immediately run two miles around the training area!" The general gets a watch and yelled again, "The time starts...."

"NOW!"

by **Banija** » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:47 pm

The All-Banija Sports Magazine
The only nationwide publication that is all sports, all the time!

High-flying Banijan offense powers team to 2-0 start in World Bowl play; sets up showdown with Main Nation Ministry for First place in the RT&T Division

Vena Resnick(#87) celebrates with quarterback Dennis Zervos during 55-13 home victory over Vettrera

BUSUKUMA- The Kingdom of Banija is entering this World Bowl with its highest ever ranking, #5 on the planet. Now, of course, Banija has risen that high in the rankings thanks to deep runs in the last two tournaments, where they have achieved 2 straight 4th place finishes. Which means, of course, they've battled their way to the semifinals of two consecutive World Bowls. This also means, however, that they are combined 0-4 after the quarterfinal round of the World Bowl, losing two semifinals and two third place matches. Of course, this time around, they have a real battle on their hands, after some serious reformatting happened for this tournament.

Banija, in their opening game, met Abaja, who was a group stage rival with Banija in World Bowl 30. While Banija achieved the sweep back then to win the group, and ultimately eliminated Abaja on matchday 10 of the group stages in a defensive battle, this game was the exact opposite of their last meeting. Banija scored 3 touchdowns, hit 3 more field goals, and even had a safety, while Abaja scored four touchdowns. Abaja's last touchdown was with 27 seconds left, and they failed a 2 point conversion. While they recovered the onside kick, they fumbled the ensuing snap, which was recovered by Banija for the victory. While the Banijan offense was clicking on all cylinders, in a way we never saw with Myles Debaba at the helm, the defense seemed much, much weaker than the ones who had taken Banija to two straight semifinal appearances.

While Abaja is a quality opponent, in their second game, they played tournament newcomers Vettrera, who were clearly overmatched. The score was 31-0 at halftime, and Banija simply cruised, obtaining a massive 55-13 victory. We believe that this is Banija's biggest victory ever on the international level in the sport of gridiron football, while it is definitely a record for points scored at the Stadium of the Restoration. But the team to watch- no, the story to watch- has to be the Main Nation Ministry, who is in Banija's division, ahead of them in the division standings, and visits Busukuma in week 3 for a massive showdown.

Main Nation Ministry is built like the Banijan football teams of old. Built behind the back of a dominating defense, the stories people would hear from training were disturbing. So disturbing, in fact, Ezekiel Daniachew felt it was best if he didn't tell his players what was going on at a Main National Ministry practice. So the fact that they are 2-0 right now means that this is a big matchup in Busukuma, Banija's 3rd straight home game to open this tournament.

While this game is on Banija's home field, the strength vs. strength matchup will have to be the Main Nation Ministry defense, against the suddenly high-flying Banijan offense. Usually, Banija is on the other side of these strength vs. strength matchups, so we'll see how this team is built to react to a situation like this. They will have the crowd at their back, of course, which will be a big help, and, crucially, this team hasn't left Banija yet. There aren't any miles on these guys bodies yet from this tournament, and it is crucial to maximize home stands like this, because they are always followed by grueling road trips. Of course, in this season, they will play 6 of 7 on the road after matchday 6, which includes 2 3 game road trips.

The key to this game has to be Dennis Zervos. This will be the first time he will be facing an elite defense at this level. Of course, he has shown at the NSCF level that he is capable of dealing with pressure. He quarterbacked a 2 loss Loyola-Istria school all the way to the NSCF 14 championship, even if he won it in Istria. He faced plenty of elite defenses in the NSCF, and he was able to dispatch them all en route to an NSCF title. The two teams that had beaten Loyola- Northern Moravica and South Seas University- lost to them the 2nd time round that season, as Northern lost in the last game of conference play, while South Seas lost in the Final.

He will never be hit as hard like this defense will hit him in week 3. They are capable of putting quite a few nasty hits on players, and that fear will be in the back of Zervos' head. He needs to be able to stay in the pocket and make those throws, and if he can keep his composure, he should be fine, as this aggressive defensive team leaves for lots of winnable one on one matchups on the outside. But if Zervos cannot keep his composure, or the pressure gets there a little too quickly, then look for him to get rattled. He, of course, is still extremely young. If he gets rattled, that is how Banija turns the ball over, and that is how Main Nation Ministry can walk out of here in sole possession of first place.

Ultimately, considering Banija's experience, the fact that they've been here before, as well as the fact that they are playing at home, they are at a slight advantage over the visitors. We predict a 28-24 victory over Banija, but we expect this to be a division race that is tight all the way to the finish, where these two teams duke it out to the very end of the group stage to see who gets the division's automatic berth in the Round of 16.

by **CoraSpia** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:46 am

A! C! D!...or maybe not?
What is the difference between a Havenic football team and a Havenic football team playing an awful side? Is it the lack of glorious pecism? No...Havenic fans know they can lose at any moment, they always do, after all, even when they're on a winning streak. Is it a lack of violence? Uhm...no, Havenic football crowds are naturally violent people who'll randomly start fights for no apparent reason. What it is is that you rarely hear a crowd yelling out 'A! C! D!' as they are generally known for doing.

Altario Cron-Dit, quarterback, brand, icon. The Mighty warbirds football team, filled mainly of slaves and other general outcasts, found its saviour in 'ACD,' a former slave himself who elected to keep playing for them even when he was freed. The huge, hulking giant at quarterback generally is known for his honour: he hates the crowd violence that characterises Havenic sport, and he regularly speaks out against unfair plays. When it comes to respecting clearly useless opposition however, all bets are off.
"If they clearly aren't trying to compete what is the point of me rewarding them?" Altario asked following the Havens 63-0 destruction of 'equatorial Zeldaen.' "They protected their quarterback awfully, their receivers had absolutely no idea what he was thinking even when they did get a pass off, they were just sad to play against."

This attitude was made plainly obvious when ACD's gameplan changed rapidly in the second quarter. During the first, the crowd had honoured his long and extravagant passing with the general cries of A! C! D!, however he literally gave them nothing to cheer him about later on in the match as almost every play was a simple hand off to Citur Cronan. And the funny thing is, it actually worked! The running back punched massive holes in the Zeldaen defence, and the Havenic defence prevented their opposition from scoring anything whatsoever, helped in part by an ejection for their quarterback for randomly deciding that punching Cronan in the throat would be a good idea.
ACD invites viewers to join the Haven the next time they are playing credible opposition.

by **Allamunnic States** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 12:24 pm

Allamunnic Sports Network
Web Content
Gridiron - World Bowl Coverage

[b]So Which Team Is Ours?
Feud makes things awkward for Allamunnic fans
by Theo Fraanlunn

For any Allamunnic gridiron fans that might have been living under a rock, there is a confusing state of affairs at this 31st World Bowl. The Federation has, somehow, fielded two teams, not that the authority that operates the Allamunnic States' national teams will admit it.

The team officially fielded by the Allamunnic Sporting Commission for the Federation's benefit is the Iron Tide, which has so far "rolled" to two consecutive losses (against admittedly good teams from Thereisnogodistan and defending champions Drawkland) behind a lackluster defense and a turnover-prone, if somewhat explosive offense. There have been signs of promise from this squad, which bears only a passing resemblance to the World Bowl XXX squad, coached by new face Tomus Meyer, but not enough to stave off embarrassment.

The embarrassment stems largely from the second team, which Allamunnic Sporting Commissioner Gaarutt Kolvyn requested we not speak of. However, because in this nation we have a free press, we will be discussing this team, the Regulars, who play in Dunnmaar and wear blue-and-gray just like Allamunnic teams of old. The Regulars actually claimed the official slot of the Allamunnic States' team, despite lacking the backing of the Sporting Commission, and have used the opportunity to good effect, winning both of their games thus far by double digits over West Saintland and United States of Saints.

The obvious answer for fans, of course, is to support both teams. After all, both are wearing Allamunnic blue-and-gray, play on Allamunnic fields, and feature players fans have come to know and love over the years. Where the awkwardness begins is in the teams' clear animosity for one another.

When asked to release a statement on the upstart team playing in Dunnmaar, Commissioner Kolvyn reportedly looked rather cross and refused to comment. Apparently a directive was also issued to other Commission officials to the same effect, because we were unable to receive any confirmation on an official position from the Commission or Iron Tide staff or players regarding the Regulars.

Luckily, the staff and players of the Regulars were much more open. After a fashion. Asked for comment, Head Coach Rikard Olafsunn stated that "[the Regulars were] reformed as a protest of the Commission's shameful treatment of our former Coach, Baeryk Vaalburger, and their misplaced priorities in placing raw profit and personal politics ahead of the building a winning program this entire country can be proud of."

Fullback Torren Tormundsunn, the alleged mastermind and driving force behind the Regulars' reformation as an independent organization, expressed a similar sentiment, albeit in a much more profane manner. "[Expletive] Kolvyn. Damned suit wouldn't know a gridiron team if [rest of comment is too obscene to reproduce here]."

We could not reach former head coach Vaalburger for comment on the disagreement, due to his responsibilities as offensive coordinator for the Schottic National Team, assisting longtime friend Lewis Patterson.

by **Frenline Delpha** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:04 pm

May Contain Murder Part 2

As the man listened to the TV station report on his devious, deadly deed, he felt pride rise in his heart, a joyous song in his chest he couldn't explain. His heinous actions had made the morning news, and it filled his tiny, stone-cold heart with joy. He was actually surprised how great the infamy of his crime made him feel. Walking down the street one day, he overheard two people talking about the deed on the street.

"I honestly don't know what to think of this killing. The victim was stabbed three times, in three locations that would suggest opportunity, but the ballgag seems to indicate the killer planned this crime. It's rather confusing, I think." lamented the first gentlemen.

"I don't care what the circumstances behind the murder were," proclaimed the other man. "I just want the police to catch the son-of-a-bitch. If I could get my hands on him, I'd rip his throat out myself. Leaving that disabled sister alone with no family in the area. What kinds of sick bastard would do this?"

This last comment pricked the man's interest. That lady had a sister? he pondered to himself. I might just have found my next killing. After disovering this, he decided to head home and pull up his laptop to do some research before he concoted his plan for this lady's sister.

* * *

"What was the point?" sobbed Regina Gordo over a phone call to her aunt all the way in Bloodbenderopolis. "There doesn't even appear to be a motive for the crime. Nobody hated Susan, she had no enemies. Even people who didn't like her had respect for her. I don't understand why anyone would do this to a person like my sis. It makes no fucking sense!" And with that, the waterworks started again.

"Life doesn't make sense, honey. It's not something we can explain. Don't worry, I convinced my boss to give me a month off while you find a new place to live. I should be down there in five hours. Then, we can look for people who'd be willing to help you in your current state."

"But... what... about... Susan?" came the teary-eyed response. "What am... *sniff*... what am I supposed to do... about her. She was my best friend. We did everything together. I still... still remember the week after I finally got out of the hospital. She knew I loved Frenline Delpha baseball, so she took me to their first round of 16 game against Zyarus during the last WBC. It was a pitcher's duel, but I couldn't have cared less. All that mattered to me was that... that... that my sister had spent so much money on me just to make me happy after I discovered I may never walk again. *sniff* She was so nice. Why was she killed? Who would do such a thing? Why would they do this? It... it doesn't *sniffle* make sense." Regina choked out. As soon as she finished her sentence, she couldn't hold back her emotions any longer. After about fifteen minutes, her eyes resembled a miniature model of the Doverport Falls (think Niagra Falls but between Frenline Delpha and Banija). After thirty, there were no more tears to cry.

* * *

Poppy John looked down at her script for the 7 PM newscast and was shocked when she saw her first story for that night. "Police believe the killing of Susan Gordo was planned by the perpetrator. According to family, Susan would walk the same route every night after she got off from working at the library. The police believe the killer took note of this and followed her several days before the killing. One day, he waited in the alley in between her route and killed her, but not without a struggle. Police Chief Barney Damon released this statement: 'We are currently unable to find a motive for this killing. Susan was not very wealthy, and her wallet was still found on her person when we artived at the scene. After talking to people who frequently came in contact with Susan, it seems she had no enemies to speak of, and she appeared to be in perfectly good spirits the day of the murder. Out investigation is still ongoing.' The Fishlick PD has also stated that they plan on placing a guard in the Gordo residence in case the killer is targeting Susan's family as well."

"Good lord, Steve!" Poppy exclaimed to her co-worker Steve Bordell. "Who would do such a thing? And now her sister needs an armed guard? This guy is insane." Suddenly, the camerman called for action. Showtime, thought Poppy. Let's hope they catch this perp.

* * *

As the man watched the seven o'clock news, he realized he was going to have to go about this a different way. He would now have to plan around an armed guard in the house as well. However, his mind was already formulated a plan. He had disovered that Susan and her sister lived just four blocks from his apartment and the alley. Their house was an apartment, but it was both run-down, and a solo house. All he would need to do is break down the window wi a brick in order to draw out the police officer. Then, he would gag ambush the officer and grab his gun. He had to plan this right, though. How would he get the police officer's gun away from him? The answer was obvious. He would scout out the premises beforehand, and find a good hiding spot. Then, he could wait for the police officer to approach his position and stab him. That would give him free reign on his next victim. Hw would wait a week before scouting out the area so the heat could die down first. Maybe this would all blow over.

The next week was uneventful as he waited out the media buzz, waiting for the hype around the killing to die (that was not intended). However, he couldn't wait forever. Ten days after his last killing, the man decided to scout out the premises. However, luck would strike him that day. When he arrived near the apartment, he noticed a fire going on about half-a-block down the street. Neighbors were all around the house, and the officer who was guarding the lady's sister was calling fire services. Everyone was unaware of anything going on behind them. The man knew this was his chance. He continued walking to the side of the street the house was on and turned towards the house. Making sure to keep his ballgag and knives concealed, he snuck quietly into the house, as the officer left the door unlocked.

Entering into the front room, he saw nothing. He then opened the first door to his left. Fater closing the front door, that is. This was just an office, with nothing but a desk and a low end computer sitting on it. He moved on. Just a little further on to the left was the ktichen, an open faced kitchen with a bar facing towards the end if the house. However, no one was there either. Then, he entered the living room from that hallway. Nothing there either. That meant that there was one room left. The man hoped she was there. He creaked open the door, slowly. In his first peek, he saw the wheelchair the sister was in. Opening the door a bit further revealed to him that the sister was indeed laying there sleeping. He knew this was his best chance. Quietly, he snuck into the bedroom, a new stainless steel knife, and his ornate one, in his hand. Silently, he slipped the ballgag into the girl's mouth and buckled it. This caused her to awake, but she could only muffle a terrorized scream due to the ballgag now in her mouth. With terror in her eyes, she realized what was going to happen to her.

* * *

When the officer got back from dealing with the fire down the street, he felt something was off. The sister's room's door was opened. Charging in, he saw the horrific fate of the girl. She has suffered several stab wounds, including three in the stomach, one of which contained a stainless steel knife. The window was also opened, probably used by the killer to escape after the deed. The ballgag also stood out to the officer. Quickly calling for backup, he realized that they weren't dealing with a normal killer. This man had calling cards. This murderer was a serial killer.

by **CoraSpia** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:07 pm

Despite recent pressure, Havenssport secretary-general Lord Alphonse Racali has refused to name a national stadium for gridiron football, preferring the usual Havenic standard of travelling teams. Lord Racali, a former wrestler, has called plans to choose a national stadium 'ludicrous,' and a 'clear attempt to isolate certain parts of the haven for special attention.
The world bol, the current tournament that the Havenic Green Army find themselves in, is a tournament in which many teams generally prefer to claim a national stadium: the Haven, however, has a team which travels around various provinces, in order to give more sporting attention to different areas of the nation...and Lord Racali tells everyone they are only up for a treat in the Haven's multitudinous venues.
"Whether it's the cultural experience of Iros, the vast commercial presence of the Della Barecci Metropolis or the grandure of Velstursgaaten you're in for a treat," he stated. "All our host cities are selected for thir vibrant atmospheres, they are all amongst our largest with populations in the millions, and they all have easy transport links with the rest of the world." We believe, however, that it should be noted that the Della Barecci Metropolis, and the Havens largest stadium 'the fortress' (which seats more than 250000 specttors), is still being used despite its reputation for crowd trouble, despite the disagreement of many sport campaigners.
"The atmosphere in the fortress is a disgrace," Asara Delmar, the president of the commission for cleaner competition (CCC) states. "Fans are regularly killed their, and that's no exaggeration. Before it hosts international competition again, della barecci authorities must be required to sort out the security within their stadium."

by **Newmanistan** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:41 pm

(In a nation that is not Newmanistan)

Tyler Newman was not a normal 9th grader at Newport High. He was part of the royal family of Newmanistan, but it was a family that no longer had any kind of power. When the disaster was struck, even the ruling dynasty of the Empire had to escape, and everyone other then Emperor Michael IV was able to make it out. The Emperor at the time tried to be the hero and stayed at home in Pocono City, hoping for a miracle, but the rest of the family went elsewhere in the region. However, not even the great leader was able to survive and his death seemed to mean the death of the family legacy. To survive like normal citizens, the remaining members of the royal family knew they could no longer be recognized as being that and accepted the fact that they no longer had any power. But ruling and power was always part of the family, and young Tyler always seemed to act out like he was the king of the school, which was starting to become a problem now that he was a teenager. His parents never kept it a secret to him and their other children that they were once part of a ruling dynasty, but they tried the best they could to let their kids know that was in the past and was not the present.

Mrs. Billings, the principal of Newport High had arranged for a meeting with Tyler’s father, Michael, in her office to discuss the Tyler’s behavior. “The school will no longer tolerate the behavior of your son, Mr. Newman.” She began, “We have never seen such a degree of disrespect for authority like he has given towards teachers. His level of bullying in this school makes many students uncomfortable and I am getting many complaints now. We have decided that he would be best off going to the Whittingham School For Troubled Youth if this does not improve. We will give him two more weeks, and if things do not improve, he will be officially expelled.”

Before his father could respond, Tyler interrupted, “Hey, Dad, get a load of her old purse right there. You’re telling me that the best purse a principal can afford is that nasty thing? I’m not going to that school, I have more friends there then enemies, and things will not be pretty if you try to kick me out. Oh, and my girlfriend wears much better jewelry then that.”

The principal was wanting to snap back a response, but professionally turned to Michael to advise him again of the potential punishment. “That is exactly that kind of thing we are talking about. He has no respect for authority, and walks through these halls like he is better then everyone else. You’re son needs help, and until he realizes that he is no better then anyone else here, we’re not going to accept him here. We’re going to be nice and give you two weeks to make things better with your son or its off to the Whittingham School.”

Michael Newman looked at his son, and then at Mrs. Billings and was going to apologize for his son before this uncontrollable sensation of being possessed came over him. “Now you listen, whatever your name is. My son doesn’t come here to be one of the crowd. This school belongs to him, not to you or to the administration. Whatever he wants to do, you are going to let him to do, and you are going to smile as he does it.” The feeling of being possessed then became lifted from him as Tyler shouted, “Alright, Dad!” and he tried to take back his statement, “I’m, what was that? I’m sorry, mam. I, I don’t feel really good. I didn’t say that, did I? I, I mean, I will talk to my son.”

Mrs. Billings was not pleased and was not going to take the apology, “Well, change of plans. We begin the process of expelling your son immediately.”

Michael prepared to plead for forgiveness until he became possessed again, “In fact, whoever you are, you should bowing down to me and my son right now. Get on the floor, you old hag. Bow down! Oh yeah, and he’s right, you have awful taste in jewelry.”

Becoming very uncomfortable, Mrs. Billings picked up the phone to try and call for assistance, but the wire was somehow mysteriously cut. She looked to retrieve her cellphone from her purse, but it was all of the sudden dead as well. As Michael and Tyler laughed at her futile efforts, she tried to run, but the door was locked, she tried to yell but her voice could no longer utter a sound. The spirit that had possessed Michael Newman emerged from his body, and appeared as a ghost like figure while Michael was back to being his normal self again. Upon seeing the ghost, Mrs. Billings fainted.

“The throne is calling for you to return, Michael.” The spirit said. “Tyler, you too will soon have the power you rightfully deserve, but its not here.”

Tyler stood in complete astonishment, while Michael, familiar with the folklore of the spirits came right out and asked, “Back home, you mean? Newmanistan?”

“Yes, Michael. The throne awaits you. You’re work here, is done. The Empire is rising from the ashes. Resurrected to its glory. Tomorrow, we have the great ceremony! Do you believe, Michael?! Are you ready to lead the Empire?” The spirit asked.

“I would love to, but I guess I am not understanding how all this is going to be happening so quickly. Though I was always taught to believe in the Spirits, so I know it will be great but, what will Newmanistan be like?” Michael asked.

“Do I get to be a Prince or something? Can my girlfriend come with me?” Tyler asked.

“Thank you both for having the faith. That is what the Spirits want, as they felt betrayed. At the same time, Michael, you’re father was brave to remain in Newmanistan. He may have had the faith, but because so few people did not, the Empire could not continue at the time. They have been waiting for the perfect moment, and the time has come. When you return, the Spirits will take care of everything. Newmanistan will be great again, and it will all make sense. The Empire, however, needs a leader. And Michael, that man would have been you. You’re fathers and all their fathers will be watching you and believe in you. Tomorrow, in a great ceremony, the throne will be yours again. Now, as for your son. Tyler, yes, you will be a Prince. But not only will you be a Prince, you will be next in line to become Emperor after your father. It is our hope in time that you will learn to be, perhaps, a little nicer to all people and not just your inner circle of friends like you have been here. We’ll get you there. Unfortunately, you’re girlfriend cannot come. But do not worry, you will be a Prince in Newmanistan which means you will be able to choose just about anyone you want.”

“I guess I’ll deal with it,” Tyler said, “But, you were not very nice to my principal with what you said to her.”

The Spirit replied, “I was just having fun. It’s been a long time. Let us go now.”

Michael smiled, “I will come. What happens to her?”

The Spirit replied, “Oh, we’ll wake her up from the spell and it will be like it was all a bad dream to her. Now, the throne awaits. Let us go home.”

by **Kaboomlandia** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:34 pm

Kaboomlandia embarrasses Qasden in one-sided victory

Phoenix wide receiver Manny Hayes celebrates his second touchdown of the night in a 69-13 win over Qasden on Wednesday night.

After a 36-7 victory at home against Jeckland, many Kaboomlandian fans were expecting another high-scoring game on the road in Qasden, but nobody could have predicted this: a 69-13 demolition of Qasden in their own building. For those unfamiliar with football, that's a ridiculous nine touchdowns. The Qasden defense was simply invisible during this game, allowing 307 yards and three touchdowns to Travis Reuben in the first half alone before head coach Kevin Nivek yanked all his starters at halftime with his team leading 45-3. The even scarier part? This isn't the team record for their largest voting margin. Older fans will remember World Bowl 27, when the Frederic Allemande-led Kings (ah, remember when they were called that?) blew out The Sword Bloke 57-zip in the final game of the group stage. The fans certainly didn't want to stick around to watch their team get blown out; despite announced attendance of 56,000 at the start of the game, that fell to about a third of that midway through the third quarter, and in the fourth quarter it was estimated that only 10,000 fans remained, several being Kaboomlandian travelling fans.

The first quarter was actually surprisingly even; Caleb McCallum kicked a field goal for the Phoenix and the Qasden team responded with one of their own. Then the floodgates opened. Travis Reuben wasn't a superhero, but he didn't have to be. The Qasden defense was simply a step behind on every play. Manny Hayes got two touchdowns and Jack White had a touchdown. Reuben didn't hesitate to pass the ball around. And this was all in the first quarter. Five minutes into the first half, it was 3-3. At the end of the first quarter it was 24-3. With 169 yards already after one quarter, Reuben started giving the ball to Andrew Michaels more in the second quarter, but it didn't matter either. He shredded the Qasden defense anyway, running for 148 yards and two touchdowns. Even the defense got in on the act when Cameron Johnson intercepted a pass and ran it back 27 yards for a touchdown. Here were the stats after one half:

Kaboomlandia
Passing:
#4 Reuben: 25/28, 307 yards, 3 TD
Rushing:
#33 Michaels: 21 carries, 128 yards, 2 TD
#21 Anderson: 2 carries, 12 yards
Receiving:
#11 Hayes: 8 catches, 94 yards, 2 TD
#85 White: 6 catches, 64 yards, 1 TD
#88 J. Malone: 5 catches, 46 yards
#16 Schremp: 5 catches, 47 yards

After the second quarter, it should come as no surprise that Kevin Nivek yanked all his first-string players out of the game with a 42-point lead. And it still didn't matter, as Pauly Anderson ran for 126 yards and three touchdowns himself. Russell Jones didn't throw except on third down, but was still 7/9 on third downs. "We didn't want to get overconfident, so we just went back to basics and played every play like it was in a closer game," remarked Anderson after the game when asked how he stayed focused.

After this absolute drubbing of Qasden, the Phoenix will need to stay focused on the second half of this road trip against a much better team from The Fair Republic, who are ranked just four spots below the Phoenix.

by **Fujisawan Territories** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 5:22 pm

Hoji Metropolitan Daily Record

Hurricane improve to 2-0 with win in the Global Arena

Hoji, Iwosaka-- On a rain soasked night in Hoji, the Hurricane survived a scare at home in the Crosscom Global Arena to notch another upset and remain undefeated. Only a last minute come from behind drive prevented a sure loss to the #20 United States of Devonta, the final scoreline 20-19.

For the second consecutive game, the offense moved the chains but only produced a couple touchdowns. The ground game remained solid, and Shoyo Oka ran it in from ten yards out for a score late in the third, while Yoriyuki Okamoto caught a fourth quarter touchdown pass to record the first score in the passing game this season. And once more, starting quarterback Masazumi Kozutsami looked gassed towards the end of the game. It didn't help he'd been sacked four times on the day as the pass protection broke down against the United States of Devonta.

The United States of Devonta owned the first half, gaining points off a safety and holding the Hurricane scoreless in the half. On 3rd and 9 on the Hurricane's second possession of the game, Kozutsami took his first sack of the day in the end zone for a safety, facing monstrous pressure. The United States of Devonta would take the 2-0 lead into halftime, and the Hurricane showed flashes of greatness here and there through the half but could not put points on the board, not even a field goal. A prime example of this was a thirty three yard Doppo Nitta catch during a very promising drive, only to have Kozutsami throw an interception on the very next play. It's fair to say that the Fujisawan Territories never really fell into a rhythm during the first half.

There were a lot of forelorn expressions across the faces in the locker room at halftime. Trailing 2-0 at halftime is almost comical. Almost. Even a field goal at any point in the first half would have given the Hurricane the lead heading into the locker room. It just wasn't meant to be. There was talk about giving second string quarterback Shiba Momotami the nod to start the second half, but ultimately, Coach Urogataya stood by his starting QB. The mood was somber and quite depressing, but Coach Urogataya tried his damnedest to inspire the team for the start of the second half.

The Hurricane put together a six play, fifty eight yard drive to open the second half, which resulted in a Torazo Yogi field goal and a 3-2 lead. The defense, which had surprisingly held the United States of Devonta scoreless offensively to this point, surrendered their first points of the game mid third quarter on a poorly defended screen play from the Hurricane forty yard line. The Hurricane answered with an offensive touchdown of their own, while managing to chew up a substantial amount of game clock at the same time. Shoyo Oka rumbled into the end zone from ten yards out with 3:36 left in the third quarter in what was the fourth lead change of the game, the Hurricane now leading 10-9 following the PAT.

The lead changed for the fifth time of the game when with 11:29 left in regulation, the United States of Devonta recorded another aerial bomb for a fifty two yard score, reclaiming the lead 16-10. The Hurricane have showed signs of struggling with deep coverage in their two games thus far. The United States of Devonta added a field goal to bring the score to 19-10 with just over seven minutes in the game. Facing a two possession game, the panicked expressions of the Hurricane players were very palpable.

A breathtaking Hurricane drive which included plays of thirty two and twenty nine yards stalled at the United States of Devonta three yard line. On 4th and Goal from the three, 3:17 left on the clock and two Hurricane timeouts remaining Coach Urogataya agonized over going for it or bagging the guaranteed three points. He burned a precious timeout to consult with offensive coordinator Yoshihisa Kawazu and place kicker Yogi. The hometown crowd actually booed when they witnessed Yogi take the field following the timeout. The kick was good and the score narrowed to 19-13.
The Hurricane defense stood tall and forced a United States of Devonta three and out on their ensuing possession. When the Hurricane got the ball back, there was 1:58 left in the game. This is it. The two minute drill. It's hammered home in every practice. Etsuya Ibi fielded the punt and raced to the Devonta twenty six yard line.

On 1st and 10, Kozutsami was dropped for his fourth and final sack of the day. The Hurricane now faced 2nd and 17 from the thirty three. Kozutsami hit Doppo Nitta for eleven and Nitta raced out of bounds to stop the clock. On 3rd and 6 from the twenty two yard line, Kazuko Nagata caught an ugly play action pass that had been tipped by a Devonta defender. The pass was almost good for a first down. Almost. Gridiron football is a game of inches, and Nagata was about an inch short of the first down. On 4th and IN from the sixteen, Nagata got the touch and powered through the middle to pick up the desperately needed inch to get that critical first down. With :33 left in the game, hearts were pounding in Crosscom. Hoji, otherwise known as the City of Hearts, was about to be the City of Heart Attacks if the Hurricane could not pull of the win.
On 1st and 10 from thirteen yards out, Kozutsami found Ikki Murro in the back of the end zone for six. Visions of the Newmanistan-Fujisawan Territories game that sent the Hurricane to World Bowl VII (oh yes, Territorials still talk about that game to this day) must have been swirling in the minds of the fans and players. In the end though, Yogi's extra point was not blocked, and it safely sailed through the uprights and the PAT was good, making the score 20-19.

The Hurricane had to play from behind to win, but recorded another upset in this tournament. It's been an impressive albeit unexpected performance for the Hurricane so far in what is their return after two decades missing from the World Bowl scene.

The Hurricane will next take on Oisinistan in the Hurricane's first road game of the tournament. Historically, the Hurricane do not travel well, and have heavily relied on home wins at Crosscom Global Arena to achieve winning records. Tonight could very well be the Hurricane's first loss of the season and it would not be a surprising result to this sports editorial board.

The Daily Record Report Card

Offense: B
The offense continued to struggle against the United States of Devonta, going scoreless the entire first half. Trailing 2-0 at halftime was an embarrassment to the Hurricane staff, players and sold out Crosscom Global Arena. The passing game was still lackluster at times, but the true bright spot of the offensive unit on the night was the run game. The fourth down conversion was a great call; just give it to your bruising fullback straight up the middle and let him pick up the inch you need. The O-Line had a bad day (let's hope it was just a bad day) and Kozutsami got sacked four times. He also looked a little fatigued (that's putting it nicely) towards the end of the game, but to be fair, he had to play catch up in a game with six lead changes.

Defense: A
This defense is really turning out to be stellar this time round. It's kept the struggling Hurricane offense in the game against two modestly ranked opponents. I'd definitely go on record and say it's the best defense we've seen on a Hurricane team ever. The Hurricane held the #20 United States of Devonta scoreless on offense for the entire first half and the 2-0 lead Devonta took to halftime was only due to Hurricane miscues. The forced three and out on the United States of Devonta's last possession was huge, and that defensive stand is a shining example of just how improved this defense is over previous units. Who'd ever have reasoned that the defense would outperform the offense? Certainly not us. What is total insanity is that the Hurricane are actually losing on the turnover differential front. They're 2-0 despite committing more turnovers than their opponents. That is fairly uncommon in gridiron football. We aren't getting the takeaways and defensive scoring plays we're accustomed to, yet we're still seeing a great defense none the less that is keeping us in games. Outstanding!

Special Teams: B+
Yogi hit all his field goals on the night. Kick coverage was markedly better. Ibi's stellar punt return at the end of the game helped the Hurricane win. All around, a better outing for the special teams unit last night in the Global Arena.

___________________________________________________________________________

KATE 88.9 FM|Hoji's premier post-rock station|World Bowl Mania

Congratulations to Togai I'itaka of Magiku! Like father, like daughter. Togai and his daughter won tickets to the Hurricane win over the #20 United States of Devonta in the Global Arena last night. Two generations of Hurricane fans who got to watch the game live on us. You could be next!

Listen to the Katie and Bee Morning Show on KATE 88.9 FM and be the 88th person to enter the keyword of the day online at 8:08am to win a Hurricane fan prize pack worth ¥800! The keyword of the day is: ROAD TRIP

___________________________________________________________________________

Hoji Metropolitan Daily Record

Oisinistan-Fujisawan Territories Pre-Game Coverage

Category Five Hurricane Talking Points of the Day

Category One
Defense better than the offense? What?!

I guess this is some parallel universe where the Hurricane defense is better than the Hurricane offense. But seriously, back in the day, the Hurricane would put up 30-40 points a game. Most of the time anyway. Unless they were playing Taeshan. I digress. The real reason we won the game against the United States of Devonta last night is because the defense held them scoreless the entire first half and made an incredible stand at the end of the game to give our offense the chance to win the game. It's a real shocker that our defense has been so good. Hey, I guess our new and improved defense will come in handy against Drawkland. We'll see.

Category Two
Coach made the right call re: Kozutsami

It would be a real boondoggle to swap out your starting quarterback based on a poor first half of play when you're only down by two points. Coach Urogataya is not a bonehead, though. He made the right call in keeping Kozutsami in the game and it paid off in dividend later in the game. We had the best chance to win the game with Kozutsami under center, and guess what? We won. Granted we barely won, but we won. Kudos to Coach for doing the right thing, the smart thing, and keeping Kozutsami in.

Category Three
Boos at Crosscom?

Maybe we are in a parallel universe after all. Wow. You don't hear boos very often in the Crosscom Global Arena. Yet, that's precisely what we heard when Yogi took the field to kick a field goal late in the game. I do understand the situation and the frustration on the part of the fans though. You've put together an immaculate drive only to have it unravel at your opponent's three yard line. You can't afford a field goal when you really need a touchdown and you're locked in a two possession game. Once again though, Coach made the right call, got the easy three, and the defense did the rest to give the offense another shot. Hey, that's the best you can ask for. Really though...boos? Come on guys and gals!

Category Four
Upcoming game against Drawkland a contest between the unbeaten?

It will be yet another test tonight against Oisinistan, but if the Hurricane are able to pull off the win tonight, there's a good chance they could roll into the Drawkland game undefeated, as they face unranked Korizland in matchday four, widely viewed as a winnable game. And Drawkland is well, Drawkland. We're expecting them to be unbeaten when we face them for the first time. The potential is there for this to really be a defining game for both the Territories and Drawkland. First things first though, and that's tonight's game against Oisinistan

Category Five
The Territories have struggled on the road

There's no pleasant way to say this: historically, the Hurricane have been a dreadful road team. It's just always been that way. If we lose tonight, don't be surprised. And this game is truly a test in so many ways. We'll get the first look at whether the Hurricane can establish an offensive rhythm in a hostile stadium. They are renown for their slow starts in their own stadium in front of their hometown crowd as it is. We'll see if we can keep the momentum going as we hurtle through space toward that Drawkland game. If we win, we'll be a respectable 3-0, but if we lose, we could be in for quite a setback looking at the remainder of the season. If the history books are anything to judge, it appears like Oisinistan has the upper hand and a real opportunity to defeat us tonight.

by **Free Republics** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 7:40 pm

This is your Dixon Light Matchday 3 Cutoff! Dixon Light: The Official Beer of Parties since 1836!

MD3 Results

All-Mart Conference

RT&T Division
Abaja 27–0 Christian Isles
Banija 29–13 Main Nation Ministry

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Banija                        3    3   0   116   53  +63
2 Main Nation Ministry          3    2   1    64   32  +32
3 Abaja                         3    1   2    70   61   +9
4 Christian Isles               3    0   3     0   89  −89

R&K Bank Division
Cosumar 20–0 Somersville
The Redvale 12–49 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Cosumar                       3    3   0    96   16  +80
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       3    3   0   112   35  +77
3 The Redvale                   3    1   2    55   80  −25
4 Somersville                   3    0   3     7   98  −91

FreedomCola Division
Southern Democratic States 0–20 Schottia
Vettrera 0–39 Santaclausisgodistan

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Schottia                      3    3   0    87    0  +87
2 Santaclausisgodistan          3    1   2    42   42    0
3 Southern Democratic States    3    1   2    26   71  −45
4 Vettrera                      3    0   3    19  117  −98

All-Mart Conference

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Schottia                      3    3   0    87    0  +87
 2 Cosumar                       3    3   0    96   16  +80
 3 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       3    3   0   112   35  +77
 4 Banija                        3    3   0   116   53  +63
 5 Main Nation Ministry          3    2   1    64   32  +32
 6 Abaja                         3    1   2    70   61   +9
 7 Santaclausisgodistan          3    1   2    42   42    0
 8 The Redvale                   3    1   2    55   80  −25
 9 Southern Democratic States    3    1   2    26   71  −45
10 Christian Isles               3    0   3     0   89  −89
11 Somersville                   3    0   3     7   98  −91
12 Vettrera                      3    0   3    19  117  −98

Sporting World Conference

RepublicSoft Division
Allamunnic States 52–6 De Dreamland
West Saintland 31–0 Qasden

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Allamunnic States              3    3   0   111   16  +95
2 West Saintland                 3    1   2    44   50   −6
3 Qasden                         3    1   2    67  107  −40
4 De Dreamland                   3    0   3    39  136  −97

O'Reilly Organization Division
Cumhact 0–13 Gregoryisgodistan
Kebec 10–15 The United States of Saints

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 The United States of Saints    3    2   1    40   45   −5
2 Gregoryisgodistan              3    2   1    68   22  +46
3 Kebec                          3    2   1    74   41  +33
4 Cumhact                        3    0   3     6   90  −84

Olden Division
Newmanistan 60–10 Jeckland
The Fair Republic 0–35 Kaboomlandia

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Kaboomlandia                   3    3   0   140   20 +120
2 The Fair Republic              3    2   1    29   59  −30
3 Newmanistan                    3    2   1   121   38  +83
4 Jeckland                       3    0   3    17  132 −115

Sporting World Conference

                                Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Kaboomlandia                   3    3   0   140   20 +120
 2 Allamunnic States              3    3   0   111   16  +95
 3 The United States of Saints    3    2   1    40   45   −5
 4 The Fair Republic              3    2   1    29   59  −30
 5 Newmanistan                    3    2   1   121   38  +83
 6 Gregoryisgodistan              3    2   1    68   22  +46
 7 Kebec                          3    2   1    74   41  +33
 8 West Saintland                 3    1   2    44   50   −6
 9 Qasden                         3    1   2    67  107  −40
10 Cumhact                        3    0   3     6   90  −84
11 De Dreamland                   3    0   3    39  136  −97
12 Jeckland                       3    0   3    17  132 −115

Nicholls Enterprises Conference

Bank of Acedonia Division
Drawkland 42–27 Fleuronordicia
Oisinistan 24–29 Fujisawan Territories

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland                         3    3   0    94   54  +40
2 Fujisawan Territories             3    3   0    66   50  +16
3 Oisinistan                        3    1   2    67   47  +20
4 Fleuronordicia                    3    0   3    34   97  −63

Bank of Republica Division
Korizland 0–67 Thereisnogodistan
Frenline Delpha 68–12 Allamunnic Sporting Commission

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Frenline Delpha                   3    3   0   139   15 +124
2 Thereisnogodistan                 3    2   1   111   54  +57
3 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    3    0   3    46  130  −84
4 Korizland                         3    0   3    23  134 −111

Baseton Mutual Division
Selvera 0–19 Ethane
Republic of Rawn 7–9 United States of Devonta

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 United States of Devonta          3    2   1    41   33   +8
2 Ethane                            3    2   1    62   32  +30
3 Republic of Rawn                  3    1   2    31   56  −25
4 Selvera                           3    1   2    48   60  −12

Nicholls Enterprises Conference

                                   Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Frenline Delpha                   3    3   0   139   15 +124
 2 Drawkland                         3    3   0    94   54  +40
 3 Fujisawan Territories             3    3   0    66   50  +16
 4 United States of Devonta          3    2   1    41   33   +8
 5 Ethane                            3    2   1    62   32  +30
 6 Thereisnogodistan                 3    2   1   111   54  +57
 7 Oisinistan                        3    1   2    67   47  +20
 8 Republic of Rawn                  3    1   2    31   56  −25
 9 Selvera                           3    1   2    48   60  −12
10 Fleuronordicia                    3    0   3    34   97  −63
11 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    3    0   3    46  130  −84
12 Korizland                         3    0   3    23  134 −111

Dixon Light Conference

New Republican Wrestling Conglomerate Division
Free Republics 40–0 Equatorial Zeldaen
Smertonosnyy 17–43 Nassau-Hessen

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics             3    3   0   103   22  +81
2 Nassau-Hessen              3    3   0   116   43  +73
3 Smertonosnyy               3    0   3    30   81  −51
4 Equatorial Zeldaen         3    0   3     0  136 −136

National Organization for Men Division
West Angola 16–25 Chromatika
Greater Vakolicci Haven 49–3 Northern Shrekistan

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Greater Vakolicci Haven    3    3   0   156   13 +143
2 Chromatika                 3    3   0    95   35  +60
3 West Angola                3    0   3    33   85  −52
4 Northern Shrekistan        3    0   3    29  133 −104


BearOil Division
Firebolt 41–7 Kosovakia
Abanhfleft 65–7 Cryandolap

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Abanhfleft                 3    3   0   106   22  +84
2 Firebolt                   3    2   1    65   43  +22
3 Cryandolap                 3    1   2    71  120  −49
4 Kosovakia                  3    0   3    31  102  −71

Dixon Light Conference

                            Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Greater Vakolicci Haven    3    3   0   156   13 +143
 2 Abanhfleft                 3    3   0   106   22  +84
 3 Free Republics             3    3   0   103   22  +81
 4 Nassau-Hessen              3    3   0   116   43  +73
 5 Chromatika                 3    3   0    95   35  +60
 6 Firebolt                   3    2   1    65   43  +22
 7 Cryandolap                 3    1   2    71  120  −49
 8 Smertonosnyy               3    0   3    30   81  −51
 9 West Angola                3    0   3    33   85  −52
10 Kosovakia                  3    0   3    31  102  −71
11 Northern Shrekistan        3    0   3    29  133 −104
12 Equatorial Zeldaen         3    0   3     0  136 −136

by **Main Nation Ministry** » Thu Dec 08, 2016 9:46 pm

Denial

After that fateful disappointing match day, the General was pissed. Very pissed.

"What! The fuck!? Did I witness?!" yelled the General at his own assistant head coach, center position, quarterback, and tight end at his office. "You had one job! One damn job! Mr. Jones, you were supposed to educate my men at the line of duty!" the general was scolding his own lieutenant general, acting like it just like war again. "General, sir. Listen. We were not expecting Banija to have a good defense against us." "I'm the general and I shall have you know, that will there will be no more slip-ups! The match days will get harder and harder, so expect it! The other three of you were the least helpful during the match. I will have you all on extended training. Now get the fuck out of here!" the General said as he was about to hit the quarterback with a golf club. The general grabs the All-Banija Sports Magazine and a lighter and starts burning the magazine. A crazed smile on his face, as it slowly burns.

The Burning Rainbow: Episode 15

A cheery and upbeat tune plays.

"Hello boys and girls, today it is time to burn a book that is hurtful to the minds of the population of lovely Main Nation Ministry. Today's episode is a recommended magazine suggested by General Winston Harrington called The All-Banija Sports Magazine. Our General has said that Dennis Zervos should die and rot in hell because he has insulted the Main Nation Ministry by winning the Match Day 3 of the World Bowl. However, our football team will not accept defeat. Now, kids. The first thing when burning a book is covering the book with something flammable, so ask your mother and father from a squirt of gasoline on this abomination of a magazine. After the book is doused, head to the book burning pile by Peace Road Address 48. Once there, toss your book into the fire."

"Now kids, don't read books by other nations. Only read books from us. Everything in our books is the truth and shows the best fiction. If you don't have any books, watch TV. Yes, even the show you are watching right now. Watch the World Bowl game and cheer for our football team. Don't disappoint us."

The same cheery and upbeat tune plays as the episode ends.

Untitled Video

The number one fan turns on the video camera and addresses a speech. "Hello, everyone! It's me. Your favorite fan in the world. Today, I met a man at the mall today. He was very cute and insulted me delightful. I think he is the perfect type as I set up a date for him in the bedroom. Come on, let me show you!"

The number one fan picks up the camera and heads to the bedroom door. She sets the camera down on a stool facing the door as the fan came into full view. She opened the door to reveal a bloody man laying on the ground, with duct tape over his mouth, crying with his eyes that appeared to be glued open. She smiles cheerfully, goes into the bedroom and closes the door. The muffled screams of the man are heard as they get louder, then immediately stop. The camera still rolls footage from an estimated time of 2 hours.

And Now, back to your regular scheduled training session and the latest in violence...

The teams were lined up as usual, but this time the General was wearing cleats, just as the team.
"Ok, men. Match Day 3 was disappointing and I punished the people who did the poorest job." the general said as the other team members noticed the quarterback smells like thrown tomatoes. "Today, we will do new tactics that will crush the competition." the general said as a prisoner was forced at the other end of the training area.

Suddenly, the general started running towards the prisoners at full sprint. Then without instant, the general jumps into the air, like a bird, and have both feet into the face of the prisoners. The cleats pierced the prisoner's face at full force as they both went into the floor. The team were amazed at, what the general have done as he runs back to the team. "You see that! We call this a difficultly tweak! We are going to have this method used in Match Day 4 and we are going to show the opposition team that we mean business! We will show them that we will KILL to win! You all understand?!"

"Sir, Yes, Sir!" yelled the team as another batch of prisoners were forced to be lined up.

"Now, train!"

by **De Dreamland** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 4:39 am

CHANNEL DDD NEWS: THE SPORTS REPORT

Following the nation's third embarrasing loss in a row, mobs of angry peasants marched on Cappytown chanting "RIGGED! RIGGED! RIGGED!". King DeDeDe has not responded to those claims but has said the performance of the Dreamland Blue Monarchs has been embarrassing but still says there is a chance of making the playoffs. The press official said that there is good potential but haven't got a break against a very tough conference and division. This still doesn't calm fears of peasants as one said "We clearly have a great football team its just that they hate our nation because they hate our king and his policies". However no evidence has been found of fixed matches and no investigation has been called. The next match is against Jeckland and extra security as well as the Waddle Dee Guard have been called in case of extra "rowdiness".

by **Kaboomlandia** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:56 am

Phoenix put up convincing shutout on Fair Republic

Tight end Enoch Bailey dives over for a touchdown in a 35-0 victory over The Fair Republic Thursday night.

In a tournament that has seen some incredibly lopsided scores, including a 69-13 win over Qasden and an insane 67-zip whitewashing by Thereisnogodistan over Korizland, the Kaboomlandians were no different, flattening The Fair Republic 35-0 to improve to 3-0 and strengthen their hold on the top spot in the Sporting World conference. Travis Reuben started the game and was quite impressive, notching 28 completions on 34 passes for 284 yards and three touchdowns, with only a single interception marring his record. And he still didn't get to play the whole game, being pulled after three quarters for Russell Jones. This one can be chalked up to the Kaboomlandian schedule coming up rather than a matter of a lopsided game. "Reuben was very good tonight, but we wanted to rest him for our tough game against the United States of Saints tomorrow night," explained coach Kevin Nivek. "It's our first game at home in a while and we want to rest him for that."

In the first quarter, the Phoenix offense actually looked human, solidifying the idea that it was simply a very weak Qasden defense that led to the 69-13 victory. In particular, Travis Reuben threw an interception - his first of the group stage - when trying to execute a pass to the sideline on a second-and-eight play in the first quarter. Despite the pick, however, the Phoenix defense held strong and forced the Fair Republic to punt the ball away. Kaboomlandia would score their first touchdown later when Travis Reuben found James Malone on an 8-yard quick-strike play in the end zone to make it 7-0. Early in the second quarter, the Phoenix struck again on a nice little surprise play:

"Phoenix at the 16-yard line now. Second down, 11 yards to go after a Michaels rushing play was taken down for a one-yard loss. Now Reuben will take the snap, drop back to pass...no, he's handing it off to the tight end Enoch Bailey cutting behind the line! Bailey on the trick rushing play, crossing the line of scrimmage and he's away! Everyone had dropped back for the pass and Bailey's down the left side with Andrew Michaels blocking for him. Bailey to the five yard line, finally defenders catch him, but Bailey will follow Michaels over the line for a touchdown! A strange trick handoff to Enoch Bailey leads to a 16-yard rushing touchdown!"

When asked to comment on the trick play after the game, Reuben simply said "Obviously it was a planned play, but if the Fair Republic saw through it and played the run defense I'd have just passed or thrown the ball away. It was something that me and Enoch had talked about doing earlier, but we just decided to try it in the red zone and up a touchdown." The second half ended with a 21-0 margin after Reuben found Brett Schremp for a touchdown.

The second half, unlike last game, was rather uneventful, as only two touchdowns were scored in the third quarter and nothing happened after Russell Jones came in for the fourth quarter, for a final score of 35-0 for the Phoenix. The team's next one will be their biggest yet, playing a strong side from the United States of Saints.

by **Drawkland** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 7:55 am

WORLD BOWL XXXI DIVISION HEATING UP
Written By: Phillip Ward and Ben Lincoln

RECENT RESULTS
FROM BANK of ACEDONIA DIVISION:
Oisinistan 10–15 Drawkland
Fujisawan Territories 17–7 Fleuronordicia
Oisinistan 33–3 Republic of Rawn
Fujisawan Territories 20–19 United States of Devonta
Frenline Delpha 38–0 Fleuronordicia
Allamunnic Sporting Commission 17–37 Drawkland
Drawkland 42–27 Fleuronordicia
Oisinistan 24–29 Fujisawan Territories
' Bank of Acedonia Division         Pld   W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Drawkland                         3    3   0    94   54  +40
2 Fujisawan Territories             3    3   0    66   50  +16
3 Oisinistan                        3    1   2    67   47  +20
4 Fleuronordicia                    3    0   3    34   97  −63
Despite Conference Standing Available,
DNSN will not post them alongside articles.

World Bowl XXXI Schedule - Grid Corps
Home Team Listed First
1. Oisinistan 10–15 Drawkland
2. Allamunnic Sporting Commission 17–37 Drawkland
3. Drawkland 42–27 Fleuronordicia
4. Drawkland - Selvera
5. United States of Devonta - Drawkland
6. Fujisawan Territories - Drawkland
7. Drawkland - Korizland
8. Drawkland - Oisinistan
9. Frenline Delpha - Drawkland
10. Drawkland - Republic of Rawn
11. Fleuronordicia - Drawkland
12. Drawkland - Thereisnogodistan
13. Ethane - Drawkland
14. Drawkland - Fujisawan Territories

PREVIOUSLY
After starting the 31st World Bowl in the Free Republics to a good start (a win over Oisinistan), the Drawkian national gridiron team has been ready to take on the next 2 opponents: the Allamunnic Sporting Commission, and Fleuronordicia. Wins will keep the Grid Corps on top of the Bank of Acedonia Division, and thus it's important that the Corps keeps their winning streak alive as long as possible, for in such a competitive conference like the Nicholls Enterprises conference, even a single loss can cripple a team. This we know, and so does the Corps, which is why they're trying their hardest to keep their winning game alive and running. Fortunately, this seems to be working, for now, but with teams like Fujisawan Territories and Frenline Delpha hot on the winning streak too, it's anybody's guess on how the rest of the matches will shape out.

Hopefully they're good for Drawkland.

vs ALLAMUNNIC SPORTING COMMISSION
After a rather close win against Oisinistan, the Grid Corps was prepared for the Iron Tide of the Allamunnic Sporting Commission. Now, if you're following the rest of the Bowl, you'll know that this isn't the same team or even same entity of Allamunnic States, in fact, the team representing the Allamunnic States is like a rogue team of the Regulars who roughed it out on their own after being slightly disowned for a Round of 16 exit in Ethane. The Allamunnic Sporting Commission is the officially condoned team of the nation, but for some reason the Regulars got themselves registered as the actual Allamunnic States team while the Iron Tide had to settle with representing the specific Sporting Commission. At least, that's what we think. It's all really the fault of some pissed off executives trying to overdick the people that actually play the sport because they're, well, dicks. If you want to witness the passive aggressive drama firsthand, we'd suggest Allamunnic States Daily or Allamunnic Sports Network since, well, they probably know more about this than we do. Also, you know what'd be hilarious? If they both made it to the playoffs and had to play each other. I'd love to see that crowd.

Anyway, the Grid Corps had to play these guys. Going into the game, Head Coach Quentin Averfel was quoted to have said "we'd probably be more worried if we were the playing the real Allamunnic States. These guys are chumps." And it seems like he was right: the game was clearly in Drawkian favor the entire time, they were only losing for 1 minute of the game. In fact, many fans agreed it was pretty reminiscent of the World Bowl XXX final, at least as far as scorelines and pacing goes.

The Iron Tide won the toss and elected to kick, which mightily annoyed the Grid Corps fans and players (the Grid Corps always prefers to get the ball at the half either as a way to return the game to their favor or just piss off the team that's already losing by a huge margin), but a possession is a possession, so they decided to just take it and run with it. Literally. Daniel Madison fielded it in the end zone after Kaarl Hunt just hammered the shit out of the opening kickoff. But because Daniel Madison is a classic Drawkian and therefore waived the option of a touchback and began the sprint that the Drawkian fans knew well. This wasn't just his returning for a big gain sprint, this was his "I'm taking this leather turd straight to your end zone" sprint. It was perfectly lined up, too. The ball went off to the right of the field, and that was the direction that the Drawkian defense went in before heel-turning to match the incoming Iron Tide. Apparently, Iron can't knock down a Corps, because the defense simply manhandled each other, while Daniel Madison simply shot up the outside hashes, reaching almost 1.5 steps every yard line when he got to top gear around the opposite 30. He just seemed to move in another gear the Iron Tide didn't have, and when he brought the ball in for a touchdown, the nearest Allamunnic defender was nearly 12 yards away. The score was 0-7 with about 12 seconds ticked off the clock (God bless Matthew Watts and Daniel Madison).

The kickoff from Matthew Watts was a good one, and as the Corps Tide advanced on the Iron one, Jana Gaelunn received the kick and just took the knee in the end zone. Touchback, which resulted in an audacious "OOOO" from the substantial Drawkian crowd in attendance (despite being played in Allamunnika). The defense forced a 3-and-Out, for the Allamunnic Players never had to face Drawkland, and wasn't used to the Drawkian physique and massive playmaking abilities of the defense. Junn Wylsunn punted the ball out of bounds to prevent a Madison return that started the game, and thus the Drawkians started at around the 30 yard line. The rest of the drives of the quarter were unremarkable, except for the second-to-last drive of the quarter, by the Allamunnics. They got within 2 yard line, deep in the red zone, 1st and Goal. Cue the two sacks on Bryn Skyldsunn and a run by Ella Kaarbrynn smashed behind the line of scrimmage for negative yardage. 4th and goal and the Iron Tide had gone to low tide, stuck on the 9 yard line. To keep their pace in the game going, they went with a rare field goal which, admittedly, Hunt nailed directly in the middle of the uprights to bring the score to 3-7 which stuck until the end of the first.

The next Drawkian possession bled through to the second quarter, which the Iron Tide managed to heavily thwart. The Allamunnics took the punt in for a 10 yard return (the Jason McFarland, the punter, prefers to punt long rather than high, which while it does result in a potentially longer return, does tire out the returner which can be played for an advantage later in the game). They marched up the field, mainly with the running game, which sucked a lot of clock out of the quarter, but eventually they made it to the end zone for their touchdown of the game. As they always go for two, which the Drawkian defensive line seemed to conveniently forget, they scored an extra 2 points on it, bringing the score to 11-7. But despite that, the Drawkian return to the 25 yard line after the kickoff resulted in a bomb of a pass to, shockingly, Daniel Madison, who made the catch in heavy traffic (surrounded by 3 defenders) on 1st down. He was barely brought down, but not before he penetrated the red zone on the 12 yard line. A simple run by Bennett Morgan took the touchdown home, an outside run to the opposite side the Iron Tide was expecting. Another extra point and the Drawkians had the lead again, this time 11-14.

The clock winded down again, a couple possessions from each team went by. Jason McFarland came out to punt for Drawkland. Brandt was expecting another long punt as McFarland had been doing all game, so he was a couple yardlines further than he'd been for the other returns. But that sneaky bastard McFarland punted one way high instead, and Brandt had to scramble forward to make the catch, and while doing so, forgot to signal for a fair catch. An incoming couple of Drawkian trains known as Leopold Cross and Jacob Stevens came in with such power than Brandt had just looked back to the field from the catch before he got trucked. But instead of going down, the Drawkians had actually forced him upwards, which made him swing for balance which, in turn, tossed the ball straight out of his hands. Fumble! Cross nabbed the ball quickly and returned it before the stadium knew what just happened, touchdown Drawkland! The score was then a 10-point Drawkian lead, 11-21.

Halftime came and went, and the Drawkians had to kick to the Allamunnic Sporting Commission (I wouldn't have typed that out but Ben bet I wouldn't do it so I had to), but another 3-and-Out from changing the pace again forced the game to stay in Drawkian hands. The Drawkians actually only got 2 first downs off the resulting drive, forcing a punt. But McFarland did it again, directly aiming the ball to the corner in the single digit yards. The play was known throughout the defense, and all the returner could do was brace since he couldn't get a touchback in time. The Iron Tide was stuck on its own 1 yard line ... and then came a run stopper so hard that Brandt Hendriks started babbling about the number 7 after being hit (luckily he didn't have a concussion, but he did have to sit out a few plays). While he wasn't back far enough for a safety, it kept the Tide off the running game and instead they went for a pass option. The Grid Corps line did a deceptive lineup on the line and came in for a surprise sack that Skyldsunn literally couldn't see coming. He got whacked hard, and thus came the 2 points for a safety, 11-23 Drawkland. And then the kickoff came back to Drawkland afterwards, which Madison almost returned for a touchdown, but a savvy Allamunnic defender shoved him out of bounds (barely) at the 50. An inside run by Antonio Anders which busted through the pocket and into the secondary was unexpected, considering the defense expecting a pass, and he trucked his way through for a 50 yard run for a touchdown. 11-30 Drawkland, due to another good PAT by Watts, which brought the game clearly out of reach for the Allamunnic Sporting Commission.

Luckily, they managed to pull at least a few points in the 4th quarter, but the 20-yard touchdown pass and a failed 2-point conversion just couldn't match the might of the Grid Corps. Especially 2 possessions later when Skyldsunn tossed a pass to the outside, but was suddenly snagged by Wil Comso and brought to the end zone, for a huge Pick 6 plus the PAT to bring the score to 17-37. That scoreline stayed the rest of the game, and, unshockingly, the stadium was pretty quiet when the clock ran out and the Grid Corps secured the win, unless you were listening to the upper left side of Federal Steel Field, where the Drawkian fans went berserk and cheered extremely loud, which still managed to echo and fill the stadium. The Corps remained undefeated, and rightfully so.

ALLAMUNNIC SPORTING COMMISSION	3	8	0	6	17
DRAWKLAND	7	14	9	7	37

vs FLEURONORDICIA
We don't have much to say about this game. We beat them before, we beat them again, but this time way more impressively. And by a huge scoreline too, which will be needed to take down Frenline Delpha's huge Point Differential, even though they're in another division and it doesn't really matter, it's more of an honor thing.

Anyway, yeah. We couldn't read the weird French names and couldn't find a roster anywhere, so it's not like we could say much. Fortunately, it was an extremely lit match and a good one to start off at home. And it's always good to remain undefeated.

DRAWKLAND	7	14	14	7	42
FLEURONORDICIA	7	7	7	6	27

PREDICTIONS
With a home game against the unranked Selvera next, it's expected to be a massive blowout like you might see around the rest of this Bowl group stage. After that comes a game against the currently still skilled United States of Devonta, who are the top 1-loss team. The latter game will definitely be a challenge but the Drawkians are expected to pull out with a still-impressive win.

Then comes the away game against Fujisawan Territories, which is expected to be a huge and close game. It will be at Crosscom Global Arena, and it will be loud. Luckily, Drawkians have been turning up in record numbers, and reportedly the stadium is already overbooked for both this game and the one to be held in Drawkland. We can't tell how the game will end ... but it'll be intense all the same.

Good luck, Corps. Keep making us proud.

by **Fujisawan Territories** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:37 am

Hoji Metropolitan Daily Record

On a roll: 3-0

Hoji, Iwosaka-- The Hurricane blew into Oisinistan and came away with an impressive but worrying 29-24 win last night, in a game that was tight all throughout. Not only did we see improvements on offense, but the defense also recorded their first defensive score of the tournament. The win gives the Hurricane strong momentum heading into tonight's game against Korizland, a game most anlysts predict the Hurricane will win.

Offensive production was explosive from the jump. The Hurricane uncharacteristically converted their first possession of the game into a touchdown in the ground game on a twelve yard Shoyo Oka draw play. The Hurricane then forced a three and out on defense, preventing a response from Oisinistan. The two teams traded punts the remainder of the first quarter.

With 11:38 on the clock in the second quarter, Oisinistan posted their first points of the game on a thirty two yard field goal to close the score to 7-3. The Hurricane had an immediate response, assembling a ten play, seventy nine yard drive that culminated in a Ikki Muro four yard play action grab. Muro has established himself during his eleven year pro gridiron career with the Kumanawa Doves to be a serious goalline threat, and that role was utilized to perfection here. It's likely that Muro will be inserted into goal line packages (replacing Yoriyuki Okamoto) for the remainder of the tourney. The touchdown gave the Hurricane a 14-3 lead.

Just over five minutes of game time later, the Hurricane poured onto that lead with Oka's second running touchdown of the day. Oka rocketed eighty six yards to the end zone, exploiting a defensive collapse on a broken play. Once Oka got into the secondary and say open daylight, it was off to the races, and Oka took it to the house. The Hurricane would hold a 21-3 lead at halftime.

The attitude in the locker room at halftime was cocky and confident. That was quite the mistake as it would turn out. Little did the Hurricane players know, but Oisinistan was down but not out, and they were about to make a huge comeback in the game.

Oisinistan scored on their first possession of the second half on a Houston James eighteen yard touchdown reception to cut the lead to 21-10. Natsu "Gator" Sakai had an outstanding chance for a leaping interception on the play. He simply miscalculated and got burned badly for the Oisinistan score. The Oisinistan defense seemed to have stemmed the bleeding and held the Hurricane scoreless in the third quarter.

The fourth quarter was a challenging one for the Hurricane. Just a minute and twenty five seconds into the quarter, Masazumi Kozutsami threw an interception that was returned for a score by Masue Joinvilles for a Oisinistan touchdown. Just like that, the score was now 21-17 and Oisinistan was back in the game.

At the 8:17 mark, Ian Mountbatten raced into the end zone for an Oisinistan touchdown and a 24-21 lead. The Hurricane players looked absoluelty shellshocked. They had just blown a 21-3 halftime lead. Watching the substantial lead evaporate before their very eyes did not seem to inspire the offense, which did not put up any points in the fourth quarter as well.

However, at the 2:27 mark, the Gennai Go scooped up a fumble and made a mad dash for the end zone. It was a twenty nine yard sprint for the aptly named linebacker. Go he did indeed. The score at 27-24 in favor of the Hurricane, Coach Urogataya opted for a two point conversion. Kozutsumi barely got it in for the two on a designed quarterback keeper. The defense held for the remainder of the game and the Hurricane won the game 29-24.

Next up for the Hurricane is Korizland on the road.

The Daily Record Report Card

Offense: B+
The offense came out swinging from the get go this time, eventually leading up to a 21-3 halftime lead. The ground game produced two scores, including an eighty six yard run for a score by Oka who brilliantly exploited a broken play on Oisinistan's part. Everything went well in the first half, but the second half produced no offensive points and a 21-3 halftime lead was squandered. It took a defensive score with less than three minutes left to win the game. The Hurricane must stay focused in order to win games. They cannot continue to let large leads slip away. There was enough offensive production in the first half to ease some of the worry.

Defense: A
The defense played well again for the third straight game. The Gennai Go fumble recovery and touchdown was badly needed for the win and if it weren't for that, the Hurricane would have lost. Coverage in the secondary was above average last night, though they gave up two touchdowns through the air. The Oisinistan run game was largely contained All in all, another solid defensive performance with a key stand to close out the game.

Special Teams: A-
No misses from Yogi last night. Kick coverage was great last night.

___________________________________________________________________________

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___________________________________________________________________________

by **Newmanistan** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:24 pm

Rick Sanders had a difficult three days. He never heard from the Spirit since it paid him a visit in his backyard, however the momentos remained in his house. The bat and the game ball from World Baseball Classic 19, so he knew what he experienced was real and was not a dream. During the brief period, he tried to research as much as he could about Tundra Falls, Newmanistan and the legend of the Spirits, but could not come across anything conclusive. All he could really find is that there was a belief that some sort of supernatural presence may have existed but there was nothing decisive enough. He researched World Baseball Classic 19, and what happened there at the end of the semifinals. While he thought he knew all the details of that, he looked to find out if there was anything more. All he could discover were things he already knew.

He tried to tell his wife, who immediately wondered if due to his old age, if he might be getting senile so she asked him a bunch of other questions about his past. Rick was able to answer all of them with ease, demonstrating to his wife that he was not losing his mind. She was not from Newmanistan, and was simply someone he met in his adopted homeland, so she never really knew about Newmanistanian culture and always shrugged off the legend of the Tundra Falls spirits as being silly. Rick started to realize that as the hours went by, and decided that if the Spirit did return, he would go with it.

For Vince Thompson, the last two days had been a trip down memory lane. He knew that when he woke up the next morning and saw the football still in his duffle bag along with the post it note attached to it, that he had experienced something very real. He was frequently sentimental, so when he stayed behind longer that day, it was nothing new for school administration. Vince thought about what it might have been like to live in Newmanistan but he never had the opportunity. Even though he would have been fine staying put, it was not a difficult decision for him to leave everything behind. There was not much to leave anyway, as football was his life. He had been married twice, but each of his prior spouses left him because they each could not stand his obsessions with football. The gridiron was the love of his life, and the kids he coached were his family, and he was perfectly fine with that. If the Spirit never came in two days, he knew his life would go on, but he was truly faithful and would sit in his office waiting for the its arrival.

It was just a formality for Michael Newman. He knew that from being part of the ruling family of the Empire, that there was so much more to the legend of the Tundra Falls Spirits. His biggest concern wasn’t about what would happen prior to the ceremony, but what would happen afterward. All of the sudden, he would be expected to lead an Empire, and know everything about it. Upon returning home that night, he told his wife that they were going home and she would be the Queen that she should be. For her, it was a little different, since she married into the family and would not be a native Newmanistanian. However, Michael advised her very well of their past, and made her confident that something amazing was about to happen. So much so, that she wanted to find the perfect outfit for the occasion, so she went out shopping and bought a very expensive dress and set of jewelry. She charged it of course, knowing that she’d never have to pay the bill. Tyler, the oldest of their children, wrote a goodbye note to his girlfriend and had a long conversation with her that night. He knew that she would never be able to comprehend what was really happening and hoped that the Spirits would look out for her well being since he had to leave her behind.

In various parts of the world, there were similar appearances by the Spirits to bring other well known descendants of once prominent Newmanistanian figures back home to the Empire. The Spirits used the same technique with all of them, showing them just enough to realize that what they experienced was not a dream. In all cases, some sort of momento was given to the person by the Spirit, that remained with them after the Spirit disappeared. No one would get the second chance to talk with the Spirit before they came and attempted to bring them home. Slowly, but surely, all of them would become believers. As promised, the Spirits came for all of them, and brought them to this place.

It seemed awfully deserted. There was no plant life or any other form of life, but there was a large and impressive sporting facility. It was the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, having stood dormant for decades upon decades. Each person was brought into the Proving Grounds, one by one, accompanied by a ghost like figure onto the football field of the facility, and told to stand in a pre-determined spot. Once each person was brought the first Spirit departed, and what seemed to be a new set of ghost-like figures emerged. Each ghost represented the now deceased prominent relative of the living person with the exception of Michael Newman. The living would hold hands with deceased as a red carpet appeared, leading to a gigantic throne. Suddenly, the royal music began playing, and the lifelike Spirits of each former Emperor and Empress, walking in the order in which they had ruled, slowly made their way down the red carpet and towards the throne, with the exception of Michael IV, the most recent Emperor. Michael IV stopped walking once he was in front of son. “Come with me”, he whispered as he extended his hand. Fighting back a tear from his face, Michael Newman grabbed the lifelike hand of his father. Michael IV ushered to Michael’s family that they were to walk with him. They made their way to the throne. “That is for you” whispered Michael IV, “Sit down.” Michael Newman glanced at the throne, and while he could not believe this was happening, he went up to it and took a seat. Once he sat down, the music stopped playing.

The Spirit of Michael I, appeared beside the throne now, in a loud booming voice asked everyone, “Do you believe?!” Everyone on hand screamed affirmatively. It asked again, “Can we make it, happen?” Again, everyone screamed their affirmation. The Spirit then looked to the Heavens, “They believe! Let’s do this, let’s bring it back!” Just then, a bright light shined with a loud boom associated with it. The Spirit of Michael I smiled, and looked to Michael Newman, and presented him with his crown and cape. “I now declare you, Emperor Michael V!” Everyone stood and cheered as all spirits, other then the Spirit of Michael I, ascended back into the Heavens. There was of course, one more then that needed to be done, that is, to make everything normal, again; just like there had never been a disaster in the first place. Again, the bright light shined, with the loud boom associated with it.

Following the boom, there was no longer a ceremony. All people other then Emperor Michael V and family were gone. They were no longer at the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, but instead at the Royal Palace in Pocono City. It was just them and the Spirit of Michael I.

“It has happened.” Michael I explained, “Everything is just like it would have been, now. Just like it used to be. You and your family are the only ones allowed to remember what had really happened, and you must not tell anyone.”

“I will not tell anyone,” Michael V said, “But I am concerned about just that I don’t know anything about leading and ruling. Other then what I have read about, I don’t really don’t know what was happened. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know anyone other then my family, and these people expect me to lead!”

“Trust your instincts. Your genes and instincts know exactly what to do. It will be fine. But if you need help, we will always be here. For everyone else, no one knows if we really exist. It’s the faith in us, that makes them hopeful. You know we really exist and we lead you to do the right thing, through faith.” Michael I responded.

Michael V nodded, “I will do my best.”

Just then, the now Prince Tyler intervened, “Oh my God, it’s all really happening, look at this newspaper!”

Michael V took the paper, but Michael I read the headline out loud, “2-1 Newmanistan at 3-0 Allamunnic States in World Bowl tonight. Yes, Emperor, a good Newmanistan against a just a little bit better Allamunnic States in World Bowl action. Like I said, nothing has changed!”

by **Banija** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 1:43 pm

The All-Banija Sports Magazine
The only nationwide publication that is all sports, all the time!

Banijan defense steps up and shuts down Main Nation Ministry as Banija sweeps 3 game home stand to start World Bowl XXXI

Robel Kassa(#15) celebrates his 3rd quarter touchdown reception in game against Main Nation Ministry

BUSUKUMA- Dennis Zervos threw two touchdown passes, one to Christos Cosse and the 2nd to Robel Kassa. Zivorad Dvorak added a touchdown on the ground from 13 yards out, and kicker Beyne Yemane was 2/2 from 40+ yards, one from 41 and the other from 48, as Banija rolled against upstarts Main Nation Ministry by a score of 29-13, to establish themselves firmly in first place atop the RT&T division and, most importantly, put themselves in a position for an automatic berth in the knockout stages of this tournament.

The 1st quarter went well for this team. The team had a 54 yard drive to open the game, getting inside the red zone, but Beyne Yemane was unable to convert from 36 yards, so they ended up with no points and Main Nation Ministry was able to take over while allowing no points on the scoreboard. They went three & out, punted, and Banija followed by getting a couple of first downs, and then being forced to punt. Punter Ares Siska was able to pin the ball inside the 5 yard line, at the 3, to begin Main Nation Ministry's next drive, and that proved to be crucial.

The crowd came to life. A false start moved Main Nation Ministry back to the 1 & 1/2 yard line, for a 2nd and 12 from inside their own 2. Quarterback Floyd Narragansett dropped back to pass, and was sacked in the end zone by none other than superstar defensive end Momir Litvinov for a safety, to give Banija an early 2-0 lead. The soldout stadium was rocking for this first place matchup, and even though they were not playing a big name opponent, Main Nation Ministry's inexperience showed.

After the ensuing free kick, Dennis Zervos threw a screen pass to Vena Resnick, who broke a couple of tackles and broke a 40 yard gain, to be down at the 12 yard line of Main Nation Ministry. On the very next play, Zervos threw the ball over the middle of the field to Christos Cosse, who is a menace to deal with inside the red zone, and he caught the 11 yard touchdown pass. The extra point was converted to give this team a 9-0 lead over their opponents.

While Main Nation Ministry was able to convert field goals on their next two drives to make the score 9-6, Banija scored a field goal on the last play of the first half, from 48 yards out, to give the hosts a 12-6 lead at halftime. They forced a 3 & out to start the third quarter, and then Zervos marched his team down the field. A 6 minute drive, in which the team was 5/5 on third down, all from 4 yards or less, the drive ended with a 12 yard touchdown strike to #1 receiver Robel Kassa, to give his team a 19-6 lead in the 3rd quarter. The ensuing kickoff, of course, was returned for a touchdown to cut Banija's lead to 19-13.

Banija, however, was able to pull away in the 4th quarter behind their surprisingly dominating defense. Another field goal, followed by a short touchdown plunge by Zivorad Dvorak allowed the hosts to pull away and come out of the Stadium of the Restoration with a 29-13 victory, a 3-0 record, and sole possesion of first place in the RT&T division by virtue of being the only unbeaten team in the division. Now, of course, as a side note, this edition of the All-Banija Sports Magazine set a record for sales outside of United Valhaven, as a surprising number were bought in Main Nation Ministry. However. it is going around that they were all burned inside that country, so maybe that is motivation for the return match in week 11.

Banija started the schedule with a 3 game homestand and 4 of their first 5 at home, and it is imperative that Banija makes the most of all these early home games. Between week 6 and week 12, Banija will play 6 games away from home and only one game here within the city limits of Busukuma. Banija's first road game of this tournament, which is crazy to think that their first away game is in week 4, is at an unranked Somersville, who is 0-3 and has only scored 7 points throughout their first 3 games, while giving up 98. While Banija(-31) will enter the game as heavy favorites, this is the perfect trap game as Banija gets ready for their upcoming road trip in a couple of weeks, and Ezekiel Daniachew will have to play the mental game to keep his team focused on the task at hand- getting win #4 against Somersville.

by **Free Republics** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:49 pm

This is your Matchday 4 Cutoff presented by RepublicSoft Doors 13! Doors 13: Now Backdoor Free! We Promise!

MD4 Results

All-Mart Conference

All-Mart Conference
Christian Isles 3–39 Schottia
Abaja 17–6 Southern Democratic States
Somersville 20–57 Banija
Cosumar 44–7 Main Nation Ministry
Vettrera 7–27 The Redvale
Santaclausisgodistan 14–31 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Schottia                      4    4   0   126    3 +123
 2 Cosumar                       4    4   0   140   23 +117
 3 Banija                        4    4   0   173   73 +100
 4 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       4    4   0   143   49  +94
 5 Abaja                         4    2   2    87   67  +20
 6 The Redvale                   4    2   2    82   87   −5
 7 Main Nation Ministry          4    2   2    71   76   −5
 8 Santaclausisgodistan          4    1   3    56   73  −17
 9 Southern Democratic States    4    1   3    32   88  −56
10 Vettrera                      4    0   4    26  144 −118
11 Christian Isles               4    0   4     3  128 −125
12 Somersville                   4    0   4    27  155 −128

RT&T Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Banija                        4    4   0   173   73 +100
2 Abaja                         4    2   2    87   67  +20
3 Main Nation Ministry          4    2   2    71   76   −5
4 Christian Isles               4    0   4     3  128 −125

R&K Bank Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Cosumar                       4    4   0   140   23 +117
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       4    4   0   143   49  +94
3 The Redvale                   4    2   2    82   87   −5
4 Somersville                   4    0   4    27  155 −128

FreedomCola Division

                              Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Schottia                      4    4   0   126    3 +123
2 Santaclausisgodistan          4    1   3    56   73  −17
3 Southern Democratic States    4    1   3    32   88  −56
4 Vettrera                      4    0   4    26  144 −118

Sporting World Conference

Sporting World Conference
De Dreamland 38–0 Jeckland
Allamunnic States 30–37 Newmanistan
Gregoryisgodistan 24–7 West Saintland
Cumhact 0–55 Qasden
The Fair Republic 35–13 Kebec
Kaboomlandia 38–3 The United States of Saints

                                Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Kaboomlandia                   4    4   0   178   23 +155
 2 The Fair Republic              4    3   1    64   72   −8
 3 Newmanistan                    4    3   1   158   68  +90
 4 Allamunnic States              4    3   1   141   53  +88
 5 Gregoryisgodistan              4    3   1    92   29  +63
 6 The United States of Saints    4    2   2    43   83  −40
 7 Qasden                         4    2   2   122  107  +15
 8 Kebec                          4    2   2    87   76  +11
 9 West Saintland                 4    1   3    51   74  −23
10 De Dreamland                   4    1   3    77  136  −59
11 Cumhact                        4    0   4     6  145 −139
12 Jeckland                       4    0   4    17  170 −153

RepublicSoft Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Allamunnic States              4    3   1   141   53  +88
2 Qasden                         4    2   2   122  107  +15
3 West Saintland                 4    1   3    51   74  −23
4 De Dreamland                   4    1   3    77  136  −59

O'Reilly Organization Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Gregoryisgodistan              4    3   1    92   29  +63
2 The United States of Saints    4    2   2    43   83  −40
3 Kebec                          4    2   2    87   76  +11
4 Cumhact                        4    0   4     6  145 −139

Olden Division

                               Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Kaboomlandia                   4    4   0   178   23 +155
2 The Fair Republic              4    3   1    64   72   −8
3 Newmanistan                    4    3   1   158   68  +90
4 Jeckland                       4    0   4    17  170 −153

Nicholls Enterprises Conference

Nicholls Enterprises Conference
Fleuronordicia 0–24 Ethane
Drawkland 63–9 Selvera
Thereisnogodistan 47–17 Oisinistan
Korizland 17–50 Fujisawan Territories
Republic of Rawn 20–33 Frenline Delpha
United States of Devonta 56–24 Allamunnic Sporting Commission

                                   Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Frenline Delpha                   4    4   0   172   35 +137
 2 Drawkland                         4    4   0   157   63  +94
 3 Fujisawan Territories             4    4   0   116   67  +49
 4 United States of Devonta          4    3   1    97   57  +40
 5 Ethane                            4    3   1    86   32  +54
 6 Thereisnogodistan                 4    3   1   158   71  +87
 7 Oisinistan                        4    1   3    84   94  −10
 8 Republic of Rawn                  4    1   3    51   89  −38
 9 Selvera                           4    1   3    57  123  −66
10 Fleuronordicia                    4    0   4    34  121  −87
11 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    4    0   4    70  186 −116
12 Korizland                         4    0   4    40  184 −144

Bank of Acedonia Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Drawkland                         4    4   0   157   63  +94
2 Fujisawan Territories             4    4   0   116   67  +49
3 Oisinistan                        4    1   3    84   94  −10
4 Fleuronordicia                    4    0   4    34  121  −87

Bank of Republica Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Frenline Delpha                   4    4   0   172   35 +137
2 Thereisnogodistan                 4    3   1   158   71  +87
3 Allamunnic Sporting Commission    4    0   4    70  186 −116
4 Korizland                         4    0   4    40  184 −144

Baseton Mutual Division

                                  Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 United States of Devonta          4    3   1    97   57  +40
2 Ethane                            4    3   1    86   32  +54
3 Republic of Rawn                  4    1   3    51   89  −38
4 Selvera                           4    1   3    57  123  −66

Dixon Light Conference

Dixon Light Conference
Equatorial Zeldaen 43–19 Kosovakia
Free Republics 40–13 Firebolt
Chromatika 21–10 Smertonosnyy
West Angola 0–30 Nassau-Hessen
Abanhfleft 43–16 Greater Vakolicci Haven
Cryandolap 34–17 Northern Shrekistan

                            Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
 1 Abanhfleft                 4    4   0   149   38 +111
 2 Free Republics             4    4   0   143   35 +108
 3 Nassau-Hessen              4    4   0   146   43 +103
 4 Chromatika                 4    4   0   116   45  +71
 5 Greater Vakolicci Haven    4    3   1   172   56 +116
 6 Firebolt                   4    2   2    78   83   −5
 7 Cryandolap                 4    2   2   105  137  −32
 8 Equatorial Zeldaen         4    1   3    43  155 −112
 9 Smertonosnyy               4    0   4    40  102  −62
10 West Angola                4    0   4    33  115  −82
11 Kosovakia                  4    0   4    50  145  −95
12 Northern Shrekistan        4    0   4    46  167 −121

New Republican Wrestling Conglomerate Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Free Republics             4    4   0   143   35 +108
2 Nassau-Hessen              4    4   0   146   43 +103
3 Equatorial Zeldaen         4    1   3    43  155 −112
4 Smertonosnyy               4    0   4    40  102  −62

National Organization for Men Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Chromatika                 4    4   0   116   45  +71
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven    4    3   1   172   56 +116
3 West Angola                4    0   4    33  115  −82
4 Northern Shrekistan        4    0   4    46  167 −121

BearOil Division

                           Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Abanhfleft                 4    4   0   149   38 +111
2 Firebolt                   4    2   2    78   83   −5
3 Cryandolap                 4    2   2   105  137  −32
4 Kosovakia                  4    0   4    50  145  −95

by **Main Nation Ministry** » Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:15 pm

Anger

"Do you fucking people care for once?!"

The general was yelling in his office again, but this time with a different set of players. The players were one of the tackle players Darius Wallace, linebacker Jarvis Handel, and most importantly the punt kicker Xavier Grendel. What happened on that match day was that another disaster. What cost the Main Nation Ministry points firstly was the defense tackle wasn't working as planned, since Darius managed to tackle himself somehow as he tried to tackle an offensive player. Secondly, Jarvis let there be a gap in the line backing, which the opposition offensive ran through. Then lastly and most embarrassing, punt kicker Xavier forgot the basic rule as stated by Ray the main kicker himself. Laces out. Every time, Xavier kicked the ball, it would always go out of bounds and always would be catch by the opposition team.

"We aren't going to win this, if we keep fucking up! I was planning on doing a press conference to show how good this team was and you fucked that up also! You were born to help this great nation and you disappointed it! You are not just soldiers, I made you be players!" the general said as he picked up the golf club and managed to strike the punter in the shoulder. The teammates ran out of the office, while the general went in a cursing frenzy. He sat in his chair and starts observing the recent match day footage, fast forwarding and rewinding on his flat screen TV.

Suddenly, without warning, he rips from TV from the sockets and throws it through his window. The TV shattered the window as it falls to the ground, exploding in sparks.

Meanwhile, as usual.

The number one fan was cutting up newspapers and magazines as she is watching the recent match day. She checked her trusty power drill on the table. She will be ready with that later, but first... She got out her duffel bag and examined a bottle in the bag. Cyanide. She drank another can of the Leader's favorite soda drink. Then she heard a chair fall to the floor. She slowly looks over to see one of her "family" members on the floor. She slowly walks to them and quietly says as she puts the chair back upright,
"You belong here now."

Upgrades and Changes

The general slowly walked in front of the team, but was silent. He was simply pacing back and forth, as they waited for an answer. Coming into the training area was a man carrying two large medical kits who opens them revealing syringes. "Now. today we are still stepping things up for the good of this team. These syringes contain a nutritious serum of vitamins similar to B-12. This serum is approved by the Ministry of Safety and is made for your health." the general said as he gets a syringe from the kit and immediately injects it into the punter's vein. "You will all be injected with this serum and you will immediately start intense training."

The general had them do bench and leg presses, sprints, jumps, sit and reach tests, and of course, tackles. However, the major difference in tackling the prisoners is that they purposely gave them knives to convince them to attack the players, but the players keep crushing the prisoners by tackling as always. Some players got cuts from the training, but nothing too major.

Xavier was being scolded by Ray Wilkerson for being laces in, instead of out. "It affects the ball, Xavier. I always kick the ball so it's not laces in. You need to remember this, like seriously, if you keep punting the wrong way, the general could snap and do something stupid." "But, it's only just a game." "No, Xavier. The General is a serious man. The Leader isn't here to watch the training, but he probably do the same." The two were heading a conversation as they were training for kicking the ball and punting.

However, overhearing from a balcony was the General, silent as he eavesdropped on the conversation. They were talking about him. "How dare they. I shall have them trial and killed if they screw up.." he said under his breath.

works? · by **Abanhfleft** » Sat Dec 10, 2016 7:07 am

The Pridnestrovian Invasion of Nordskania, Part One

Aboard Pridnestrovian Air Force Ilyushin Il-76 PD-99007
Somewhere above the Red Strip
Serpukhov-5 Fortress, Red Strip, Nordskanian Democratic People’s Republic

The Ilyushin Il-76 flying over the skies of Nordskania tonight bore the livery of an Oontaznik cargo airline company, but the aircraft itself was not owned by any Oontaznik entity. In truth, the Il-76 was the property of the Pridnestrovian Air Force, and it was about to play its small but very important part in the coming war between the old “fraternal socialist allies”, Pridnestrovia and Nordskania.

Inside the Ilyushin was a crack squad of Spetsnaz troopers, the best of the best of the soldiers of the Pridnestrovian Army. To even be recruited to the Spetsnaz was already a great honor in and of itself, a sign that one was considered to be part of the best. But unfortunately, not everyone recruited to join the Spetsnaz was good enough for the unit’s high and exacting standards. Over half of all Spetsnaz recruits at any given time drop out of the unit’s grueling training course, rumored to involve all manners of actual combat situations, escape and evasion scenarios, and even actual and simulated torture sessions. Deaths during Spetsnaz training were constantly feeding the armed forces’ rumor mill, but nothing like such has ever been confirmed or denied by the Spetsnaz. For those who failed the course, it was a constant reminder of their humiliation, that they were not good enough to be part of the best of the best. But for those who did survive the course, they had the honor and privilege of becoming part of the only unit which their country and government trusted to carry out the will of the Democratic People’s Republic of the United Socialist States of Pridnestrovia.

Six Spetsnaz troopers had been chosen to carry out this particular mission for the Pridnestrovian Republic. It was small, even for the Spetsnaz, which usually deployed squads of around ten troopers, but there was a reason for the reduced complement for this particular mission. The six Spetsnaz were to be accompanied to their objective by four agents of the Military Intelligence Directorate. Much as both the Spetsnaz and the GRU would have preferred to go it alone, though (the Spetsnaz had no patience for the cloak-and-dagger tactics of the GRU, and the GRU didn’t like it that the Spetsnaz shot first and asked questions later, and if they had wanted to blow stuff up, they would have stayed with the regular army) both sides knew that they needed each other’s help if they were to successfully execute their mission.

Major Mikhail Yevgeniyevich Kutuzov was not expecting to be back in Nordskania this soon, but here he was, about to jump out of a plane and back into the country that was now about to become hostile to him and his countrymen. Kutuzov had been to Nordskania a fair few times before, always on official business training the Nordskanian People’s Army’s own Spetsnaz element, but he had always found the time to take a break and see the sights of the country, particularly that of the capital Ryakova. He liked seeing Ryakova the most, even though most of Nordskania’s cities were beautiful in their own right. Maybe it was because Ryakova was so easily able to blend the old-time European charm of the old city with the socialist utilitarianism of the present government. But now it was all gone, burned to the ground by the Blue Roses to give them time to escape the clutches of the Nordskanian People’s Army, which was looking to capture Ryakova and eliminate the Roses.

That was the moment when everyone realized that none of the factions in Nordskania competing for dominance and supremacy were going to be good enough to pull Nordskania out of the chaos that had been its own leader’s doing. Vasily Zharkov, while a cunning and sly fox and a chess grandmaster, had been unable to think five moves ahead when he decided to let his own daughter stage a revolution in his own country, and now everyone in the country was going to pay the price of his failed gambit at regaining power.

Across the collapsible plastic table from Kutuzov was his opposite number from the GRU, Major Grigoriy Dmitriyevich Umalin. There were about thirty years separating the two majors, yet they held the same rank within the Army. Kutuzov got his rank through sheer hard work and fighting on Pridnestrovia’s secret battlefields while had become a major by virtue of his finishing at the top of his class in Officer Candidate School, but both of them respected the way that the other had attained his rank. However, in deference to Kutuzov’s longer time in the service, he had been given overall command of the entire mission. Right now, he and Umalin were discussing the final details of their mission.

“Are you absolutely certain that we are not going to jump into a hostile area, Umalin?” Kutuzov asked. “The latest intelligence from our satellites shows that a large force of Blue Roses is surrounding the Red Strip and besieging the central fortress. The central fortress is currently held by a group calling itself the ‘Kingdom of God’. You say that we have somehow managed to strike a deal with this so-called Kingdom of God despite the Politburo’s declaration that we will have no allies in this coming war. How sure are you that these religionists will hold up their end of the bargain?”

“Comrade Major, you have to understand that the so-called Kingdom of God is an extremely militarized religious organization which has withstood the persecution and onslaught of various other religionist rivals. But with the Blue Roses knocking on their doors, so to speak, with the assistance of the Anglatian Orthodox Crows, the Kingdom of God sees the arrival of our armies as a chance to finally get their revenge on their enemies. Now I know that our force is just a drop in the bucket that is the Red Army about to land on Nordskania’s shores, but they have agreed to take us in during the early hours of the invasion since we are going to be guiding our cruise missiles onto the Blue Roses, which are the largest enemy force nearest to the Army’s chosen landing sites. This is the only real chance for the Kingdom of God to strike against their enemies and persecutors, and they damned well sure will take it. They are not going to backstab us, Comrade Major. That I can assure you.”

Kutuzov grunted. “Religion really is the opium of the masses, is it not, Umalin?” he asked. “It makes the people crazy and sick and willing to do anything for their chosen religion. Sure, it has its uses and advantages, but it also has massive disadvantages and drawbacks which outweigh the positives. But, as the grandmasters say, even pawns have their uses.”

A yellow light went on beside Kutuzov’s head. “I forgot that you haven’t ever jumped out of a plane before, Umalin,” he said as he noticed the alarmed look on the GRU major’s face. “The yellow light means that we now have five minutes before we are supposed to jump. That is the time for us to arrange our kit and parachutes.” Kutuzov quickly stood up and proceeded to the back of the plane, leaving Umalin behind to pick up the pace. They encountered first the four women who were part of the mission: Spetsnaz troopers Captain Gavrina Vasilyevna Kumilyova and Sergeant Arya Vladimirovna Nukova, and GRU agents Senior Lieutenant Dmitriya Sergeyevna Shevtsova and Junior Lieutenant Olga Titovna Grisenko. The four women immediately stood up and at attention once they saw Kutuzov and Umalin.

Kutuzov raised his right hand with all fingers outstretched and said, “Five minutes.” Kumilyova and Nukova immediately nodded their heads and walked back to the other troopers while Shevtsova and Grisenko stared mutely at Kutuzov’s hand. Umalin shrugged his shoulders as if to say “It’s the Spetsnaz. What do you expect?” and then he nodded his head towards the back of the plane where their equipment lay ready. Kumilyova and Nukova walked over to the rest of the troopers and shouted, “Five minutes!” rousing the resting troopers into action.

Everyone was armed with the AK-103 assault rifle, the latest iteration of Mikhail Kalashnikov’s iconic weapon, except for the Spetsnaz’s heavy gunner, who was packing a PKP Pecheneg machine gun. He and the three other Spetsnaz who weren’t carrying second specialist weapons would be carrying ammunition for the machine gun. As the squad’s designated marksmen, Kumilyova and Nukova were also carrying Dragunov sniper rifles. The same loadout applied to Grisenko and Shevtsova.

Everyone carried twelve magazines of thirty rounds of 5.45mm bullets, not counting the magazine already loaded in their weapons. The Spetsnaz sidearm was the MP-443 Grach pistol, while the GRU carried the smaller and older but just as reliable Makarov pistol. Each trooper and agent also carried on them two regular fragmentation grenades and one of a flashbang, smoke, or phosphorus grenade depending on the trooper or agent. All this was carried on a ballistic vest specially designed to carry all this.

Their parachutes were made of a special and top-secret radar-absorbing cloth-like material, and they were all dark gray with white spots randomly applied on the surface. It seemed counterintuitive, but dark gray with white spots was actually better at camouflage during night operations than actual black, which was actually more noticeable at night. And because they were going to execute a HAHO (high altitude high opening) jump, they would all be wearing oxygen masks until 10 thousand feet, when the air was thick enough again for humans to breathe unassisted. These masks were fed by canisters strapped to their chests, canisters which carried only enough oxygen for the five-minute descent from 30 thousand feet to 10 thousand.

Everyone had managed to secure their vests, equipment, and parachutes when the orange light turned green. “One minute,” Kutuzov said, and then he fitted a plastic earpiece with a cheek-mounted microphone into his ear. “Comm check,” he said. “All troopers, report.”

“Kumilyova.” “Klimov.” “Yanenko.” “Sorbariyev.” “Nukova.”

Kutuzov then turned to the GRU team and said, “GRU, comm check.”

“Umalin here.” “Andropov reporting.” “Shevtsova, check.” “Grisenko.”

The green light began to blink. “Thirty seconds,” Kutuzov called out. “Masks on. Prepare for decompression.” Everyone fitted their gas masks over their faces and turned on their oxygen supply. The air coming into Kutuzov’s nostrils and mouth tasted metallic and stale and felt cold on his face, but it was going to keep him alive for the majority of the plunge to the earth. He then walked over to a large red button near the Ilyushin’s tail ramp surrounded with warnings in red block letters not to press during flight. He felt a rush of air on his uniformed body as the Ilyushin released the pressurized air inside its cabin to equalize with the outside pressure. The tail ramp then began to descend into the slipstream, causing the Ilyushin to begin tossing around like a cork in a sink. The rush of air around Kutuzov intensified, and he watched as a piece of paper fluttered past his face and out of the ramp before he lost sight of it in the dark and cold night.

The blinking green light then suddenly went out, along with the red lights lining the interior of the plane. The red lights were there to preserve the jumpers’ night vision. Umalin then felt Kutuzov hook their arms on each other, and then they ran down the ramp together and into empty air. The shrill whine of the Ilyushin’s four engines faded considerably as soon as Kutuzov and Umalin jumped out, and soon Umalin’s ears were ringing as he tried to get used to the complete silence of the air whistling past him after so long listening to the background hum of the Soloviev turbofans.

A red light suddenly appeared on Umalin’s wristwatch. He reached out for the ripcord on his right shoulder and, hoping that he had packed his own parachute correctly, pulled the rope. The dark gray canopy with random white dots bloomed above Umalin’s head, and he felt a strange tightening pull on his crotch where the parachute was harnessed to him. Umalin grunted as the straps began to dig into his thighs, and then he eventually got used to the feeling. As he floated down to the ground under the slowing guidance of the parachute, he looked down at where he was supposed to land with the rest of his team and the Spetsnaz troopers.

The Red Strip lay below him, nestled between the Nordskanian coast and the mountains running down the spine of the country. In the distant horizon, he thought that he could still see the raging fires in Ryakova, which had recently fallen to the now-rebelling Nordskanian People’s Army, but it was the ground immediately below him which concerned him more. He could see numerous camp fires from the besieging Blue Roses, who had been joined in the struggle by their criminal allies, the Crows from Anglatia and the Maslev Cartel from the northern part of Nordskania, the part calling itself “Revolutionary Nordskania”. The forces surrounded the most prominent part of the Red Strip, the large fortress right in the middle of the military installation. Officially, its name was the Serpukhov-5 Fortress, but everyone else had gotten used to calling it the Red Strip with regards to the place where it had been sited by the Pridnestrovian and Nordskanian engineers who had built the whole thing in the first place. The fort itself had been designed by Vladimir Lvovich Andropov, father of Captain Mstislav Vladimirovich Andropov, who was also floating down to the fortress from an Ilyushin. The whole facility had been designed to withstand even a direct nuclear strike, and only a nuclear warhead detonating right on top of the fortress’ roof had a hope in breaching the thick concrete walls and defenses. It was truly a great piece of ugly socialist engineering, and it was apparently still holding up well even after all these years.

With the north of Nordskania falling to the anarchist rebels, the Nordskanian People’s Army had had to pull out of the Red Strip and decommission it during the budget cuts that it endured in failing to bring down the anarchist insurgency, and the fort itself had been left for nature to reclaim. Then, at the start of the so-called Rose Revolutions, the Adventist religionists calling itself the Kingdom of God had occupied the place ahead of the Blue Roses, who had wanted the place for their own because of its easy defensibility. And it was these misguided religionists who were going to help Pridnestrovia fire the first shots in the coming war with their old fraternal socialist ally. Even from high up above, Umalin could see that the Adventists had added some defenses of their own to the place, shoring up the walls and even turning the interior barracks into a place fit for human habitation, at least for a given time.

“Umalin,” Kutuzov’s voice said through Umalin’s earpiece, “form up with me.”

“Where are you, Comrade Major?” Umalin asked.

“I’m at your one o’clock, Umalin,” Kutuzov replied. But even with the knowledge that there was someone almost right in front of him, Umalin had difficulty finding Kutuzov’s parachute in the darkness. The scientists were right: dark gray parachutes with randomly applied white dots were much better camouflage at night that pure black parachutes. Finally, he was able to spot Kutuzov, who appeared to be dangling from thin air. As soon as he saw the Spetsnaz major, Umalin heard Kutuzov speak once again. “We are going to be landing in staggered pairs, Umalin,” Kutuzov said. That way, we won’t crowd ourselves during what is arguably the most dangerous part of our operation.”

“Yes, Comrade Major,” Umalin said for lack of anything else to say. For the next few minutes, Umalin alternated between looking at the sky and at the Red Strip. At 10 thousand feet, he was finally able to remove the gas mask on his face as the oxygen levels around him were now high enough to support human life. Taking off the mask allowed him a clearer view of the Red Strip, and the unencumbered perspective allowed him to see that while the Nordskanian Adventists had sited numerous anti-aircraft guns and emplacements around the fortress, the roof itself was oddly devoid of any defenses. Not even a pair of guards had been assigned to watch the skies for any signs of paratroopers or an airborne assault. At least we won’t have to start on the wrong foot, Umalin conceded to himself. It was also a good thing that they wouldn’t have to watch for any potential signs of backstabbing even though that could still certainly happen.

“We are about to land soon, Umalin,” Kutuzov said. “Remember what I told you during your jump training.”

“Yes, Comrade Major,” Umalin replied. There were three steps to making a successful parachute landing, he learned during the jump crash course that he and his GRU team had gone through in preparation for this mission: lean back, bend your knees, and run a short distance as soon as you hit the ground. He knew first-hand what would happen if he missed even a single one of those three steps: he would end up with his face or ass on the ground.

Kutuzov tugged on his canopy to collapse it and speed up his descent. Umalin did the same, although he tugged at his canopy with his right hand first to turn to the right and give him plenty of roof to land on. He then watched Kutuzov land first. There was barely any sound as Kutuzov’s boots kissed the reinforced concrete, and he only took three hopping steps before the Spetsnaz major completely collapsed his canopy and rolled it up into his pack.

Umalin tried to copy Kutuzov’s landing, but he was so intent on watching the roof that his feet ended up getting dragged on the concrete when he finally landed, and he would have probably broken his nose had he not remembered to run. His parachute canopy billowed behind him and Umalin’s attempts to collapse it were not as smooth or stealthy as Kutuzov’s, but eventually he was able to fold it up into his pack as well. “Nice recovery, Major,” Kutuzov said as he approached Umalin. “I really thought you were going to kiss the fortress there for a second.”

“I learned from the best, did I not, Comrade Major?” Umalin replied.

The others landed on the roof in pairs just like Kutuzov and Umalin had done. It was obvious from the quality of their landings which were Spetsnaz and which were GRU. Captain Andropov fared worst of all of the agents from the Directorate. He failed to collapse his canopy completely as soon as he was on the roof, and a breeze had caught the canopy and almost pulled him over the edge. It was only through the timely intervention of Kutuzov, Umalin, and Captain Gavrina Kumilyova of the Spetsnaz that Andropov didn’t end up smashing into the ground below.

“Let us not become parachutists again, Grisha,” Andropov said to Umalin after the latter had helped him back up to the roof.

“We serve the Pridnestrovian Republic, Slava,” Umalin said in reply. “We do what it takes to serve her.”

“Then I hope that she never asks us to jump out of a plane again.”

The Spetsnaz team and the GRU agents were now assembled at various points around the roof of the fortress. Kutuzov turned to Umalin and asked him, “What now, Comrade Major?”

“This is the point where we make contact with those who occupy the fort,” Umalin replied.

As if on cue, the only door leading from the roof into the fortress opened, and two men stepped outside.

by **Banija** » Sat Dec 10, 2016 8:28 am

The All-Banija Sports Magazine
The only nationwide publication that is all sports, all the time!

Electric offense scores on every single possesion as they pummel Somersville 57-20 in first road game of the 31st World Bowl

Vena Resnick(#87) celebrates his touchdown reception with Tight End Christos Cosse(#81)

SOMERSVILLE- While an upset was possible, nobody really took seriously the possibility of Somersville defeating Banija in our team's first road game of the season. Somersville was one of the worst teams in the conference heading into this game, and now afterwards, they have the distinction for being the absolute worst team in the All-Mart Conference, being at the very bottom of the 12 team table. The All-Mart Conference is quickly becoming a conference of the 'haves' and of the 'have-nots'. While every conference has 4 qualifiers to the knockout stages, with 3 division winners and one wild card, the four qualifiers look to be fairly obvious from this point from the All-Mart Conference.

There are 4 teams that have a perfect record at 4-0. That is Banija, who played their first three games at home and their only away game against Somersville, Cosumar, Schottia(who are both in the top 6), and the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, who is #13 overall. Schottia has opened up a 3 game lead in the division through just 4 games, which many think would be insurmountable at this point, especially considering the way the other teams in the division are playing.

Banija has a 2 game lead in their division. While slightly less commanding than Schottia's, they beat their two main competitors in the division on their home field already. A shootout victory, a game only won in the 4th quarter against Abaja opened the tournament with a 32-27 victory for Banija. Then, in week 3, a 29-13 victory over Main Nation Ministry where the defense dominated, sandwiching a 42 point blowout win for this Banijan squad. That head to head victory is certainly an advantage for Banija, and they know how to beat both teams. While they still have the return trip to worry about, they both still have to play each other, giving Banija a certain advantage in the RT&T Division.

The R&K Bank Division has the most exciting race. Cosumar & Quebec have opened up a 2 game lead on the third place side, The Redvale, who also happens to be Banija's next opponent. If Banija takes care of business at home, as expected, both teams could have a 3 game lead just 5 games into the race, making that division race all but over. With both teams dominance in the short-term, it is clear that the 2nd place finisher in this heated division race would easily have the inside track to get that All-Mart Wild Card spot.

Knowing that, Banija did everything they could to dominate their opponent. They scored on all 11 possessions, meaning that this team never once lined up in a punt formation. This team scored 6 times in the first half, with 4 touchdowns and two field goals, to open up a 34-0 lead going into the half. In the first half, Dennis Zervos dominated the host defense, accounting for all 4 touchdowns himself. He had a 15 yard touchdown pass to Christos Cosse, a 4 yard touchdown pass to Vena Resnick, and a 27 yard strike to Robel Kassa on a 3rd & 15 play. He also took the ball in himself on a 13 yard quarterback draw. Yemane also converted from 37 and 29 yards out as well.

That was all Ezekiel Daniachew needed to see from his starters. He took out his starters on both sides of the football at halftime, and the backups came in and did their job for this team. This team, of course, only threw the ball 3 times in the 2nd half, which included a 3 yard touchdown pass to George Cunningham, who is playing in his first ever World Bowl at the age of 30. Somersville was actually able to do something against Banija in the 2nd half. Their three touchdowns came on a kickoff return, and 2 4th quarter touchdown passes in garbage time. The last touchdown, with under a minute left, saw Somersville attempt and fail a 2 point conversion. Banija's other scores in this half were a 40 yard touchdown run by Rhodes Maragos, and Yemane field goals from 28, 35, and 49 yards.

After this domination, Banija looks to end the first stretch of qualifying matches with a perfect home record. To do that, they must play host to The Redvale, who are unranked but are currently 2-2. A true mid-level team, nobody seriously thinks that they can win at the Stadium of the Restoration, but this will not be like the Somersville matchup for Banija. They open as 26 point favorites, and they will look to win this game before entering their most brutal stretch of this campaign, which means that 6 of the 7 games after The Redvale's visit will be played away from home. Including, of course, visits to Schottia and Cosumar, both teams in the top 6 of the World Bowl rankings. Because of that, getting a 5th win now could mean a lot when it is all said and done, especially if Abaja or Main Nation Ministry goes streaking through the meat of the schedule, especially considering the fact that wrestling a Wild Card spot from Quebec or Cosumar would seem like an extremely tall order, to say the least.

by **Allamunnic Sporting Commission** » Sat Dec 10, 2016 9:15 am

Hadley J. Thornburger Memorial Building
Allamunnic Sporting Commission Central Office
City of Roan, Federal District of Roan, FAS

The sun was shining brightly, even though there was a morning chill on streets of Roan as Tomus Meyer, Nik Urbyn, Leif Coelmunn, and Daanyl Mueller walked towards the headquarters of the authority on the Allamunnic States' national sporting teams. The summons to come meet with Commissioner Kolvyn had hardly been a surprise, but it had been unwelcome all the same. None of the four members of the Iron Tide's coaching staff had any illusions about the subject of the coming meeting. They had been called upon to be chewed out by their boss.

It was, Meyer reflected, not exactly uncalled for. For a nation as used to success on the gridiron as the Allamunnae, the 0-4 start by their national team was almost baffling. Certainly, there was nothing especially hard to understand in a team getting outplayed by its opposition, particularly when it had opened up with four straight games against well-established gridiron powers from Thereisnogodistan, Drawkland, Frenline Delpha, and the United States of Devonta. But the Allamunnic fans were not accustomed to failure, and it was clear that answers were needed.

The Hadley J. Thornburger Memorial Building, recently rechristened in honor of the deceased long-time Commissioner, had served as the Commission's home in Roan for the last five years, a bright, open, modern facility that had offices for the administration and bureaucracy needed to operate the nation's national teams, as well as the cushy offices of the members of the Commission's Board and the Commissioner himself, and added to several rather nice conference rooms in which to conduct business, negotiations, and strategy.

As they approached, Meyer kept his youthful face towards the ground, hidden behind the bill of a ball cap. The other coaches did the same, hoping to avoid being recognized as they stepped toward the sliding glass doors of the building. There were a few reporters milling about on the street, obviously having received some sort of tip regarding the meeting, but not recognizing the coaches in nondescript business suits, hard to discern from the rest of the people going about their business on a Monday morning in the Federal capital.

They managed to avoid detection as they entered the building, then lifting their heads as they approached the front desk. The floors were almost spit-polished, highly reflective stone that stretched quite some ways in the sunlit atrium. At the reception desk, there were two young adults sitting, one a cute young man with a fresh, clean-cut long face and a strong chin, with bright blue eyes and short sandy hair, wearing a clean white dress shirt and a gray sports jacket, alongside a similarly pretty woman, brown hair in a ponytail, a black blazer on over a yellow-and-white dotted blouse, with minimally-framed glasses perched on a small, sharp nose.

"Can we help you, sirs?" the receptionists said almost in unison. Meyer nodded, glancing back to make sure the almost-elderly Mueller had kept up, and that the sometimes-surly Coelmunn was not looking too sour.

"Yes. We were called here to see Commissioner Kolvyn," he said. "Appointment for Tomus Meyer, Nikolus Urbyn, Leif Coelmunn, and Daanyl Mueller." The young lady, who had a nametag indicating that her name was Rylla, nodded to her associate, who flipped through a notebook that looked to be a summary of the day's visitor appointments.

"Ah yes, we have you right here," he said in a youthful voice. "Here are your nametags," he said, sliding a set of plastic badges along the desk. The coaches obligingly donned the badges. "Commissioner Kolvyn is waiting for you in conference room number six," he added. With a nod, the coaches walked off, acquainted to the building from previous visits. They canted off to the right, then followed a somewhat long corridor sheltered off from the luminous light of the atrium.

As the coaches filed into the third conference room on the right side of that hallway, they were greeted by the sight of Commissioner Kolvyn. Kolvyn was a square-jawed, clean-shaven man with slicked-back blond hair and a very handsome face well-suited to smiling. However, at present, his face was contorted into a sullen grimace, and his scowl only became more pronounced as the coaches entered the room.

"Ah, good, you are here," he said, his voice dry. "Let us waste no time. Business needs be discussed." He stood up, showing himself to be fairly tall, albeit still within the Allamunnic average range. "What. The fuck. Is going on with your team? You told me, Tomus, that you could win, provided you were able to implement your system, that you could make the fans content with their new squad, as long as I let you coach without much in the way of interference." Although his voice was at a normal speaking volume, the anger in it was apparent.

Meyer gave a look to the others. Let me handle this, he plead quietly. "I misunderstood the nature of the assignment when I made that promise, although our failures are still on me," he said. "When I told you that I could get this team winning without problem, it was before you fired Vaalburger, and I had operated under the impression that I would be working with a very similar roster. Not exactly the same, no, but similar. I was not aware that we were facing defection from a large chunk of the team so that they could..." he searched for words. "Go and embarrass us."

"You said you were confident in the talents of this roster you put together in the aftermath of that," Kolvyn noted, his scowl now accompanied by a borderline glare. "And I believed you."

"It's not a matter of talent," Meyer hissed back. "The talent's not lacking. But you don't rip apart a team with the kind of tradition and cohesion that the Regulars had and just expect everyone to click. That offensive line's not much different from the one that played World Bowl XXX, but you can tell just by watching that they aren't on the same page," he said. "You can tell with the whole fucking team. Nobody is on the same page. They don't know each other, for the most part. Nobody does. Most of those players had not even met one another prior to our training camp. You don't just build team unity and identity overnight. I thought you had me inheriting a team with that unity. I can't rebuild a culture this quickly."

Seemingly unsure what else to say, Kolvyn turned his attention to Leif Coelmunn. "Coelmunn! I thought you said you could keep this defense on the level of the World Bowl XXX unit?"

Coelmunn had a history as a player. Never the most talented on the field, he had been disproportionately penalty-prone, and had never handled being bossed around well. It was actually something of a miracle he had responded as well to coaching has he had. He was proof that some approaches were more effective than others. "Actually, Gaarutt, if you listened to me as much as you did to yourself, you'd know I told you I was simply your best chance at maintaining that defense. After you, you know, chased seven of our starters out of the organization, along with the defensive coordinator and most of the position coaches. And required that I change our front to better showcase the linebacker talent you had lined up for me. I didn't promise you shit, other than that if I couldn't do it, nobody outside Theo-fucking-Dahlstadt could do it. And you can't afford him."

That managed to get both Meyer and Urbyn, along with Kolvyn, staring at the young defensive coordinator bug-eyed. Sitting the furthest away, the elder special teams coach's expression was inscrutable, with his hand placed strategically over his mouth, leaning against his arm braced against the table, although a closer observer might see smile lines around his eyes. Urbyn and Meyer's expressions suggested they were merely shocked. Kolvyn, by contrast, looked like he might have a stroke from sheer rage.

Realizing his job was already probably gone (if Coach Vaalburger hadn't been safe after dominating his group, who really was?), Coelmunn decided that since he had apparently found Kolvyn's beserk button, he should just mash it for all it was worth. "But hey, I don't know what you expected from all of this. Let's not pretend like all these players just 'decided to leave,'" he said. "You chased them out, Commissioner. This situation we're in is your fault entirely. You know why? Because using that same 'vanilla' offense they've always used, a squad half the size of ours is 3-1 and averaging 35 points per game. How? By having an elite running back, running behind an elite center-guard tandem and possibly the best damn fullback in the world, with a strong veteran wideout and tight-end catching passes from an experienced, strong-armed quarterback. Whose common denominator, by the way, is that you managed to piss off every single one of them to a point where they would rather play without pay than play for you, Commissioner."

He sat back, glaring at Kolvyn. Kolvyn's face had gone from beet red to a disturbing purple hue. After a few long minutes, he managed to at least outwardly regain his composure, before hissing.

"You're fired. Get out, Coelmunn." Before Leif even had a chance to rise from his seat, though, Meyer had spoken.

"No, he's not, Commissioner."

"Excuse me?" Kolvyn snarled. "I hope I did not just hear what I think I heard." He turned his glare from Coelmunn to Meyer. "Because what I think I just heard was you countermanding the man who writes your paychecks."

Meyer stared back at him levelly. "Yes, I am. All due respect, Commissioner, I need my staff if you want us to even have a prayer of turning this thing around," he explained. "I can handle discipline in-house, but as bad as the defense has been thus far, it's not unexpected based on the hurdles we are up against. I think Leif is wrong in his belief that you set those hurdles up intentionally, but that they were an unexpected consequence of actions you took is... at least not wholly unreasonable," he said, keeping his voice steady and conciliatory. Kolvyn had at least closed his mouth, now, and was listening.

"And despite the inappropriateness of his outburst," he said, giving Coelmunn a look that pleaded him to hold his tongue, "he has a right to be frustrated. I ask that you please let it slide, this time, because, if I'm being honest, the job is bigger than expected, and I need my staff." He fixed Kolvyn with his calm gaze. "I took this job on the impression that you would let me coach as I thought best. If, at the end of the campaign, you thought me still unsuitable, I am more than willing to tender my resignation, but I sincerely believe that trying to change course too dramatically now will do more harm than good. Despite the way this has started, I think I can get us back to .500. If I can't by all means, you'll have my resignation on your desk the day after matchday fourteen."

Kolvyn took a deep breath, and then sighed. "I hope you're right in your confidence, Tomus. I'll expect you to deliver. One way or another."

World Bowl XXXI Everything Thread

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