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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri May 18, 2018 5:33 pm

National League Division 1 - Matchday 31
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 3–0 Eletti Valligiani
Artiglieria 1–2 Oljestaden IF
Shamrock Cathair 2–1 Silexhera FC
Cazadores Cathair 2–4 AC Izotz Zubia
KT Moreazerua 0–1 1830 Cathair

Shamrock keep up the pace with victory over Silexhera, again with Crewe and Le Quellec on the scoresheet, while Cathair overcome Mozi in a tense encounter at the Ibarretako Estadioa with Wínrôuge grabbing the only goal of the game.

Caza versus Zozi is undoubtedly the match of the weekend, and it's the away side who come away victorious, inspired by a mercurial Laborious Hawk who scores two and provides for Auðbjörnsson and substitute Paul Calvez for a vital 4-2 victory.
National League Division 1 - Matchday 32
Eletti Valligiani 0–1 KT Moreazerua
1830 Cathair 3–1 Cazadores Cathair
AC Izotz Zubia 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
Silexhera FC 3–5 Artiglieria
Oljestaden IF 0–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera

National League Division 1     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 32 18 3 11 54 36 +18 57
2 Shamrock Cathair 32 15 9 8 60 51 +9 54
3 AC Izotz Zubia 32 15 7 10 55 36 +19 52
4 Cazadores Cathair 32 15 7 10 53 47 +6 52
5 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 32 11 9 12 48 51 -3 42
6 Oljestaden IF 32 10 11 11 48 51 -3 41
7 KT Moreazerua 32 9 10 13 48 60 -12 37
8 Artiglieria 32 8 11 13 60 71 -11 35
9 Silexhera FC 32 7 13 12 49 58 -9 34
10 Eletti Valligiani 32 9 6 17 25 39 -14 33


Cazadores Cathair's title ambitions take two huge blows as, over the course of a week, they lose 4-2 at home to Zozi and are soundly beaten away to title rivals 1830 Cathair, for whom Ignacio Borjon is the star of the show, creating all three of 1830's goals. Caza side drop from first to fourth after a shocking winless run. Cross-town rivals 1830 Cathair eke out a 1-0 victory away at Moreazerua to take first place with a three point gap over this season's surprise package Shamrock Cathair. Cammers's Shammers shade a huge six-pointer in Izotzazubia (Alexander Crewe with the goal, once more) to go second by two points, three off the lead, with only four games left to play, the first against their capital rivals, and fellow title hopefuls, 1830 Cathair.

At the bottom, Artiglieria's 5-3 victory over Silexhera leapfrogs them over their opponents and into eighth place, from the bottom, with Eletti Valligiani once again falling to the basement. Mozi's victory over EV puts a little daylight between them and that relegation playoff place, but it's not enough to recapture the imagination of the fans, who have largely stayed away during another disappointing season.
National League Division 1 - Matchday 33
Oljestaden IF 1–0 Eletti Valligiani
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–0 Silexhera FC
Artiglieria 3–4 AC Izotz Zubia
Shamrock Cathair 5–4 1830 Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 KT Moreazerua

Shamrock Cathair 5, 1830 Cathair 4. It's a match for the ages. A 3-1 half-time lead for the Elders, scored through Ceballos, Shinra and Szubanski, is pegged back to 3-2 early in the second through Crewe, grabbing his brace for the game. Alpha Gandhi gets his name on the scoresheet for the fifth time this season to make it 4-2, but Shamrock's reply is swift, halving the gap through a John Snodgrass header and equalising on sixty-five minutes with Jerquaad crossing low and hard for Carles Gorgas to sweep home. Shamrock, buoyed by a home side that, themselves, can barely believe they're doing this, pile on the pressure, with Rohan Cammers screaming instructions and throwing bits of paper everywhere in excitement. Rodger Mariezkurrena's goal on eighty four minutes sends the home fans into raptures as they go joint top of the league. Dragan Kryznjak, in the 1830 Cathair dugout, is sent off for throwing bits of paper around. The only difference between his expression of anger and Cammers's expression of excitement is that the Audioslavian had scrunched up his pieces of paper and thrown them at the fourth official.

Sunday's game sees Zozi keep pace, but they themselves needed some last minute heroics from Auðbjörnsson, who grabs a late brace to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. 'We're gonna win the league!' cry the Zozi fans in their unintelligible language. They might wel be on the way to doing that.

Cazadores, of course, are still in there, beating Mozi by a solitary Olimpia Vidal goal to nil. Chromatik striker Vidal, though overshadowed by Desya Kuznetsov, has been getting the goals when required. Caza are not out of this one yet.
National League Division 1 - Matchday 34
Eletti Valligiani 0–3 Cazadores Cathair
KT Moreazerua 1–2 Shamrock Cathair
1830 Cathair 1–1 Artiglieria
AC Izotz Zubia 3–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Silexhera FC 1–1 Oljestaden IF
National League Division 1     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 34 17 9 8 67 56 +11 60
2 AC Izotz Zubia 34 17 7 10 62 41 +21 58
3 1830 Cathair 34 18 4 12 59 42 +17 58
4 Cazadores Cathair 34 17 7 10 57 47 +10 58
5 Oljestaden IF 34 11 12 11 50 52 -2 45
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 34 11 10 13 50 54 -4 43
7 KT Moreazerua 34 9 10 15 49 63 -14 37
8 Silexhera FC 34 7 15 12 50 59 -9 36
9 Artiglieria 34 8 12 14 64 76 -12 36
10 Eletti Valligiani 34 9 6 19 25 43 -18 33


A last-ditch goal from Yohan Millar against ten-man Moreazerua sends shockwaves through Audioslavian football, as Shamrock Cathair... Shamrock Cathair Though... go two points clear with two games to play. Cathair can't recover from last week's bitter blow in time for their next game against Artiglieria in which the strugglers manage to hold on for a share of the points after John Revelwer's equaliser on 50 minutes in a Cathair-dominated game. Zozi and Cazadores, who have both caught up to the capital club with two wins over their two games, complete a four-way shitfight for the league title with, and this bears repeating, Shamrock Cathair in pole position. Shamrock Cathair Though

At the bottom, Ariglieria's point and Silexhera's draw agai... no. Sorry. Shamrock Cathair Though. Audioslavia can't. We just can't.
National League Division 1 - Matchday 35
Silexhera FC 0–0 Eletti Valligiani
Oljestaden IF 0–2 AC Izotz Zubia
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–3 1830 Cathair
Artiglieria 0–1 KT Moreazerua
Shamrock Cathair 3–1 Cazadores Cathair

National League Division 1     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 35 18 9 8 70 57 +13 63
2 AC Izotz Zubia 35 18 7 10 64 41 +23 61
3 1830 Cathair 35 19 4 12 62 43 +19 61
4 Cazadores Cathair 35 17 7 11 58 50 +8 58
5 Oljestaden IF 35 11 12 12 50 54 -4 45
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 35 11 10 14 51 57 -6 43
7 KT Moreazerua 35 10 10 15 50 63 -13 40
8 Silexhera FC 35 7 16 12 50 59 -9 37
9 Artiglieria 35 8 12 15 64 77 -13 36
10 Eletti Valligiani 35 9 7 19 25 43 -18 34


Zozi and Cathair both win away on the Saturday to temporarily take the lead in the title race, but the biggest match is the Capital Derby on Sunday in which Shamrock take on Cazadores in a match wherein the loser is all but out of the title race. Cazadores take the lead via Olimpia Vidal, but Shamrock are the team in the ascendancy and goals from Carles Gorgas and Conrad Edmond propel Shammers to within two points of the title with one game left to play. With Zozi and Cathair both at home against lower-table sides, only a victory on the final day of the season, away to Eletti Valligiani, will give Shamrock Cathair their first ever national championship.

Defeated Cazadores are out of the title race and can only hope and pray that one of Zozi or Cathair lose on the final day so they can jump into the UICA Champions Cup positions. As it stands, it's thursday-night Globe Cup footy for the boys (and girls) in blood red.

Oljestaden, despite their early season problems, are up to a nosebleed inducing fifth place in the league. Ivan Haarstad's insistence on his ridiculous 3-1-5-1 formation appears to have somehow paid off. Imagine what they could have done if they'd had even one good forward?

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri May 18, 2018 6:32 pm

National League Division 1 - Matchday 36
Eletti Valligiani 1–2 Shamrock Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 2–1 Artiglieria
KT Moreazerua 1–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
1830 Cathair 1–0 Oljestaden IF
AC Izotz Zubia 1–1 Silexhera FC

National League Division 1     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 36 19 9 8 72 58 +14 66 Champions, CC, AOCL
2 1830 Cathair 36 20 4 12 63 43 +20 64 CC
3 AC Izotz Zubia 36 18 8 10 65 42 +23 62 CC
4 Cazadores Cathair 36 18 7 11 60 51 +9 61 GC
5 Oljestaden IF 36 11 12 13 50 55 -5 45 GC
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 36 11 11 14 52 58 -6 44 GC
7 KT Moreazerua 36 10 11 15 51 64 -13 41
8 Silexhera FC 36 7 17 12 51 60 -9 38
9 Artiglieria 36 8 12 16 65 79 -14 36
10 Eletti Valligiani 36 9 7 20 26 45 -19 34 Relegation Playoff


Srsly tho wtf.

Shamrock Cathair are champions. Shamrock. Cathair. Though. Football. Bloody hell.

It turned out not to be too difficult, despite a scare at the end with an Eletti Valligiani goal. Shamrock go two goals up via Crewe and Mirko Vangelis before the eleventh minute and never look back. Zozi, held 1-1 at home to a Silexhera team trying to avoid that Relegation Playoff spot, finish a disappointing third after two championship winning seasons in a row and are forced to watch the trophy leave, via helicopter, ten minutes before the end of the game. 1830 Cathair, at least, did their part to make Shamrock tense, beating Oljestaden 1-0 via a seventy-fourth minute strike from Hazel van Robben, but Shamrock's squeaky-bum time is limited to the two minutes immediately following Eletti Valligiani's goal. EV, by this point, are all but ready for that relegation playoff game, though, and don't even look like adding an equaliser.

Shamrock Cathair are champions. S.C.T.

Cazadores, looking for a long time like they might win the league, have to make do with fourth place and a spot in the Globe Cup, while 1830 Cathair finish above Zozi for the first time since season four. They remain without a title since season three - a season in which Shamrock were relegated on just 27 points. How times have changed.

Oljestaden and Tout-Puissant Hasiera round out the Globe Cup places, while KT Moreazerua complete another torrid league season in seventh place.

National League Division 2     Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Burdoc Ridge 36 19 8 9 64 48 +16 65 Promoted
2 AS Marcadia 36 18 7 11 53 47 +6 61 Promoted
3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 36 17 7 12 83 66 +17 58 Promoted
4 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 36 15 11 10 68 58 +10 56 Promoted
5 Tenth Star Hasiera 36 15 5 16 52 52 0 50 Promoted
6 KT Laranjauzia 36 12 10 14 59 64 -5 46 Promotion Playoff
7 CdF Celtade 36 13 7 16 55 68 -13 46 Joins National League Two
8 KT Itzalovalle 36 11 7 18 29 40 -11 40 Joins National League Two
9 CF Herradores 36 9 12 15 47 60 -13 39 Joins National League Two
10 KT Koroatuz 36 9 10 17 58 65 -7 37 Joins National League Two

Promotion Playoff: Eletti Valligiani 4-0 KT Laranjauzia


It's a little bit of an anti-climax in the second flight, with most of the top five assured of rounding out the new fifteen-team National League three quarters of the way through the season. Burdoc Ridge will return at the first time of asking, with AS Marcadia, Isle of Kjeligsted and Tenth Star Hasiera all returning to a league they've all been relegated from at some point in the past. The only new team will be one Calcio Sicurezza Elfi, a team founded in Trentina, Padia by expats from Valanora ten years ago, that have come up through the divisions. They will be the fourth of four Padian teams in the top division next year, along with an Eletti Valligiani team that make light work of KT Laranjauzia in the promotional/relegation playoff, AS Marcadia and Artiglieria.
National League Division 3      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Ceilerden Harp 38 20 8 10 62 49 +13 68 Joins National League Two
2 Excelsior Zijweg 38 19 10 9 68 55 +13 67 Joins National League Two
3 Sobrevolante 38 19 8 11 85 62 +23 65 Joins National League Two
4 Santa Margarida 38 19 8 11 71 53 +18 65 Joins National League Two
5 KT Ferramendiak 38 19 7 12 75 63 +12 64 Joins National League Two
6 Necromarinai 38 20 3 15 68 44 +24 63 Joins National League Two
7 Viking Halehavn 38 18 5 15 75 60 +15 59 Joins National League Two
8 The Oran 38 15 11 12 60 60 0 56 Joins National League Two
9 Guerrilla Cathair 38 17 5 16 52 60 -8 56 Joins National League Two
10 Iron Brewery 38 17 4 17 61 62 -1 55 Joins National League Two
11 Reina Del Sud 38 14 8 16 53 55 -2 50 Joins National League Two
12 Uniao Tortuguita 38 14 8 16 58 61 -3 50 Joins National League Two
13 United Cathair FC 38 14 6 18 59 73 -14 48 Joins National League Two
14 Valens AV 38 12 10 16 62 69 -7 46 Joins National League Two
15 Sparta Zijweg 38 12 10 16 58 72 -14 46 Joins Regional League
16 SC Laivanrakentajas 38 12 9 17 47 58 -11 45 Joins Regional League
17 Lemmitania State FC 38 11 10 17 60 64 -4 43 Joins Regional League
18 DDM Dunas Secas 38 12 7 19 54 66 -12 43 Joins Regional League
19 Vidrieros 38 10 8 20 45 61 -16 38 Joins Regional League
20 KT Ferratzaileak 38 9 9 20 43 69 -26 36 Joins Regional League
National League Division 4      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Calcio Lecho 46 26 14 6 90 57 +33 92 Joins National League Two
2 KT Kanpoldelko 46 27 8 11 80 62 +18 89 Joins Regional League
3 Ceilerden Rovers 46 25 13 8 79 54 +25 88 Joins Regional League
4 Osarese Marcadia 46 22 14 10 79 52 +27 80 Joins Regional League
5 2130 Calolziolungho 46 23 9 14 85 60 +25 78 Joins Regional League
6 Crossport Dynamo 46 23 9 14 76 55 +21 78 Joins Regional League
7 CdFS Ilheiros 46 23 8 15 91 68 +23 77 Joins Regional League
8 Shires Owls 46 23 8 15 74 62 +12 77 Joins Regional League
9 Clockwork FC 46 20 7 19 83 74 +9 67 Joins Regional League
10 CF Cruceros 46 18 13 15 82 73 +9 67 Joins Regional League
11 Orquideas 46 18 11 17 66 62 +4 65 Joins Regional League
12 Fundición 46 19 8 19 67 69 -2 65 Joins Regional League
13 Valderantia United 46 16 11 19 59 65 -6 59 Joins Regional League
14 Glasgar Royals 46 15 14 17 75 86 -11 59 Joins Regional League
15 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 46 15 14 17 62 74 -12 59 Joins Regional League
16 Frecce 46 15 13 18 72 63 +9 58 Joins Regional League
17 Glasgar Rebels 46 16 10 20 55 62 -7 58 Joins Regional League
18 Maccabi Hasiera 46 16 9 21 55 66 -11 57 Joins Regional League
19 Shires Blaydes 46 15 9 22 60 71 -11 54 Joins Regional League
20 Crossport Mariners 46 15 8 23 61 75 -14 53 Joins Regional League
21 Viking Hryggur 46 13 13 20 63 74 -11 52 Joins Regional League
22 PLFC 46 9 14 23 49 85 -36 41 Joins Regional League
23 Steelworks 46 7 8 31 37 83 -46 29 Joins Regional League
24 Ross Railway 46 6 9 31 54 102 -48 27 Joins Regional League

Kirola Cup 1st Round
Oljestaden IF 2–0 Maccabi Hasiera
1830 Cathair 3–1 Shires Owls
Glasgar Royals 2–2 CdF Celtade (2–3 AET)
Valderantia United 3–3 The Oran (3–3 AET) (2–4 pen.)
Ceilerden Harp 1–0 Vidrieros
Shamrock Cathair 1–0 Fundición
Santa Margarida 2–1 Valens AV
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 Orquideas
Excelsior Zijweg 0–1 Sparta Zijweg
CdFS Ilheiros 1–0 AS Marcadia
Cazadores Cathair 3–1 Ceilerden Rovers
Tenth Star Hasiera 5–2 2130 Calolziolungho
CF Herradores 0–3 AC Izotz Zubia
Ross Railway 1–3 Eletti Valligiani
PLFC 2–1 Steelworks
Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 3–4 United Cathair FC
Calcio Lecho 0–0 Reina Del Sud (1–0 AET)
KT Kanpoldelko 1–3 SC Laivanrakentajas
KT Ferramendiak 4–4 Crossport Mariners (5–5 AET) (6–7 pen.)
Osarese Marcadia 1–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Shires Blaydes 3–1 Necromarinai
Artiglieria 0–0 KT Itzalovalle (1–1 AET) (4–1 pen.)
Sobrevolante 3–0 Clockwork FC
Glasgar Rebels 0–2 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
Burdoc Ridge 4–3 Viking Hryggur
KT Moreazerua 2–1 DDM Dunas Secas
KT Koroatuz 3–0 KT Laranjauzia
Guerrilla Cathair 1–2 Silexhera FC
Frecce 1–4 Iron Brewery
Viking Halehavn 5–2 Lemmitania State FC
KT Ferratzaileak 0–3 Uniao Tortuguita
Crossport Dynamo 1–1 CF Cruceros (1–1 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Kirola Cup 2nd Round
Artiglieria 1–1 Oljestaden IF (1–2 AET)
Crossport Mariners 2–1 Osarese Marcadia
CdF Celtade 1–2 CdFS Ilheiros
PLFC 1–0 Santa Margarida
Iron Brewery 0–0 Viking Halehavn (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Ceilerden Harp 0–1 Sobrevolante
Uniao Tortuguita 1–1 United Cathair FC (1–2 AET)
Eletti Valligiani 3–3 Calcio Lecho (4–3 AET)
Silexhera FC 3–1 Shamrock Cathair
KT Moreazerua 1–1 1830 Cathair (1–1 AET) (0–3 pen.)
SC Laivanrakentajas 1–0 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Sparta Zijweg 2–2 AC Izotz Zubia (2–2 AET) (5–6 pen.)
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 Shires Blaydes
KT Koroatuz 2–0 CF Cruceros
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 2–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
The Oran 0–2 Burdoc Ridge
Kirola Cup 3rd Round
AC Izotz Zubia 4–2 Eletti Valligiani
SC Laivanrakentajas 1–1 Sobrevolante (1–1 AET) (3–2 pen.)
PLFC 0–3 KT Koroatuz
Oljestaden IF 1–0 CdFS Ilheiros
Iron Brewery 0–1 Burdoc Ridge
Silexhera FC 2–1 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
United Cathair FC 0–0 Crossport Mariners (1–1 AET) (3–2 pen.)
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 1830 Cathair
Kirola Cup Quarter Final
Kirola Cup
Burdoc Ridge 6–1 SC Laivanrakentajas
KT Koroatuz 1–0 Silexhera FC
AC Izotz Zubia 3–0 Oljestaden IF
Cazadores Cathair 3–0 United Cathair FC
Kirola Cup Semi Final
Burdoc Ridge 0–1 KT Koroatuz
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 AC Izotz Zubia
Kirola Cup Final
KT Koroatuz 0–2 Cazadores Cathair


Cazadores Cathair are somehow the only top flight team to make it through to the final, and comfortably defeat KT Koroatuz to take their first National Cup trophy. Desya Kuznetsov and Olimpia vidal are the scorers, with the former celebrating by accidentally dropping the trophy on the latter's foot. Vidal, putting on a brave face, assures the media in the interview that he won't be missing any international football because of the injury.

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:57 pm

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Season 8

Team             Titles (TNL Era)
1830 Cathair - 10 (1)
AC Izotz Zubia. - 8 (3)
Shamrock Cathair - 1 (1)
Cazadores Cathair - 1 (1)
KT Moreazerua - 1 (1)

Only fifteen Audioslavian sides have ever played in the top flight of any league.
This is all of them in order of total points.

Most Points (LA+TNL Seasons)
1830 Cathair - 1535
AC Izotz Zubia - 1507
KT Itzalovalle - 1132
Cazadores Cathair - 922
KT Moreazerua - 721
Oljestaden IF - 675
Shamrock Cathair - 398
KT Ferramendiak - 313
Eletti Valligiani - 180
AS Marcadia - 171
KT Koroatuz - 148
Burdoc Ridge - 111
Artiglieria - 88
Silexhera FC - 84
Tenth Star Hasiera - 63
Season Eight of the Audioslavian National League (officially entitled 'The National League' for reasons best left in the offices of the Football Federation of Audioslavia) sees a new look compared to previous years. Gone is the old tried-and-tested ten-team system, in is a modern logo and a fifteen-club top flight in which each team will play each other twice. The change comes as a way to combat Audioslavian domestic football's drop from being arguably the world's finest league to the outer reaches of the world's top ten in the coefficients - a decline that has shown no sign of abating. Believing more off-days for top clubs will result in higher chances of victory on the continent and around the world, the FFA have decided on five 'expansion' spots and a 28-game season.

In the lower reaches of the league system, the remnants of the old ten-team division two and the larger division three have largely merged together to form a twenty-team second tier dubbed National Two, while the rest of the nation's professional clubs have been entered into Repechage 41. R41 is a forty-one team league in which every team plays each other only once, with the top four teams attaining automatic promotion to National Two. It's based on the commercially successful R49, which once formed the second division for both the LigAnaia North and the LigAnaia East back in the day.

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Shamrock Cathair Shammers
(Cathair, Central)

1. Rusty McPherson (32, G , AUD)
2. Lachlan Faulkner (22, D/M RL, AUD)
3. Cameron Burns (34, D RLC, AUD)
5. Louis Snodgrass (24, D C, AUD)
6. John Snodgrass (24, D C, AUD)
7. Yohan Millar (23, M/F CR, EFL)
8. Carles Gorgas (19, AM C, AUD)
9. Coco Le Quellec (21, F C, AUD)
10. Alexander Crewe (29, F C, APX)
11. Rodger Mariezkurrena (33, M LC, AUD)
12. Mirko Vangelis (35, M L, NPH)
13. Bombidillyo (26, G , DAI)
14. Danira Plibersek (30, M C, NPH)
15. Brodie Kronholm (21, M/F C, AUD)
17. Kian Wood (23, D C, AUD)
18. Kyle Maxfield (22, D RC, AUD)
19. Jerome Aitken (33, F C, AUD)
20. Osman Candelo (32, AM C, VLD)
21. Conrad Edmond (25, M C, AUD)
22. Jerquaad (20, D CR, DAI)
Mng. Rohan Cammers (44, M C, APX)

After spending much of their professional existence yo-yoing between the top two divisions, that Cammers’s Shammers are reigning champions of Audioslavia must be some kind of sick joke. Fans of Cazadores and 1830 certainly believe so. Last season’s march to a maiden title win shocked the nation. Going for two in a row may well be a little beyond the thin squad, but Shamrock remain as unpredictable as their notorious manager Rohan Cammers.
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1830 Cathair The Teatimers / The Elders
(Cathair, Central)

2. Valdemar Rasmussen (19, D/M RL, AUD)
3. Romain Capelle (32, D L, VLD)
4. Mario Valentini (22, M C, AUD)
5. Ryan Gordon (33, D C, AUD)
6. Niko Szubanski (30, D C, BRE)
7. Hazel van Robben (32, M/F RLC, QUE)
8. Faeron Soldarian (649, DM C, VAL)
9. Pristina Shine (29, F C, EQS)
10. Espy va Drake (770, M/F RLC, VAL)
11. Romelio Ceballos (34, F C, PAS)
13. Tucunduvá (31, G , DAI)
14. Ignacio Borjon (22, M RC, AUD)
15. Torquil Robie (29, DM/M C, AUD)
16. John Lomax (20, D RC, AUD)
17. Ainsley Gibson (28, D L, AFT)
18. Puristina Shinra (23, M C, HIN)
22. Charlie Gordon (22, D LC, AUD)
23. Lachlan McKenna (27, G , AUD)
24. Diego Monroy (21, D LC, AUD)
01. Fôrté Wínrôuge (34, AM C, FFD)
1+8. Zlatan Natividad (29, F C, AUD)
Mng. Dragan Kryznjak (44, F C, AUD)

As well as being the oldest club in Audioslavia, formed while the game was still young, amateur, upper-middle class and decidedly foreign, 1830 Cathair are the most successful side in Audioslavian history, winning the most league titles and being the first side from the isles to win the UICA Champions Cup.

Cathair have always been richer than their rivals, helped by a strong capital city economy and a steady procession of high-spending sponsors, but recent years have been leaner. Big names still fill the squad, with Espy va Drake, Faeron Soldarian, Hazel van Robben and Fôrté Wínrôuge on the books, but their main cross-national rivals AC Izotz Zubia have surpassed them, and the pack has caught up. Traditionally small-time local rivals Cazadores and Shamrock have both won titles more recently than 1830 Cathair. And that’s just weird. Manager Dragan Kryznjak is under pressure to right that wrong.
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AC Izotz Zubia Zozi
(Izotzazubia , Herradura)

1. Ángel Clavel (21, G , AUD)
2. Txordin Uzain (33, D R, AUD)
3. Javi Esqueda (29, D RL, AUD)
5. Ilatxi Altzibararechuluago (27, D C, AUD)
6. Robert Smith (33, D C, AUD)
8. Tar Hunor (28, M C, PAS)
9. Ingþór Auðbjörnsson (28, F C, PAS)
10. Fabio Mancini (35, M C, OSR)
11. Jody Zufiria (31, DM C, AUD)
13. Branadru (29, G , DAI)
14. Laborious Hawk (910, AM C, VAL)
15. Storm Holsen (22, DM C, AUD)
16. Inaki Villanueva (22, D RL, AUD)
17. Alessandro Juliana (18, M CR, AUD)
18. Manolo Hernandez Jr. (27, M R, AUD)
19. Paul Calvez (21, F C, AUD)
20. Laurentzi Urionaguena (22, M RC, AUD)
24. Iaaki Gorostiaga (23, F C, AUD)
99. Valrauncion (Elf, F RCL, KRY)
Mng. Patrick Courtois (41, D C, VLD)

AC Izotz Zubia are the second most successful side in the history of the Audioslavian game. The second of the country's teams to win the UICA Champions Cup (and in the stadium of national rivals 1830 Cathair, to boot), Zozi have been the best Audioslavian team in around a third of all their league seasons. The side have won two of the last three championships, having become the first team Audioslavian side to win the league outright two seasons in a row (including the LigAnaia era).

In previous seasons the side adopted an ultra-attacking approach, but departures of big names have put the side's formation back to a rather more traditional shape. The side will rely heavily on their foreign talent, backed up here and there by talent from their widely heralded youth setup.
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Cazadores Cathair Caza
(Cathair, Central)

1. Xabier Irungarai (25, G , AUD)
2. Adalberto Zufiaurre (35, D/M R, AUD)
3. Matthew Ingold (31, D L, SCH)
4. Yancy Andersen (29, D/M C, AUD)
5. Verghan Seghers-Verduzco (29, D C, AUD)
6. Vergan Peña (31, D C, AUD)
7. Andrea Arguelles (33, M RC, AUD)
8. Dane Pridgeon (18, M C, COS)
9. Julio Sokolov (33, F C, AUD)
10. Olimpia Vidal (23, F C, CMT)
11. Nestor Martinez (31, AM/F C, SJG)
12. Baran Kuznetsov (27, D RC, AUD)
13. Hardcheese (30, G , DAI)
14. Ashley Apaolaza (28, F CL, AUD)
15. Imanol Corallo (31, M RC, AUD)
16. Bryton Menheniot (22, DM C, APX)
17. Francisco Elizalde (30, M LC, AUD)
18. Sergio Belen (25, D R, AUD)
19. Ignacio Barbara (23, F C, AUD)
20. Randal Zepeda (28, M C, AUD)
Mng. Rook Cathar (45, F RLC, NPH)

For long periods the side most neutrals wanted to win, modern day Caza have turned a little pragmatic in recent years. No longer the upstart trying to usurp Zozi and 1830 from their thrones, Caza are now former league winners with a record of finishing no lower than fourth in recent seasons. This will be their first without Champions Cup football in five years.

The side are famed for a long line of ‘interesting’ personalities in the side. Noted crazy-people Anderson Sandro, Rohan Cammers, Desya Kuznetsov and Rook Cathar have all donned the dark red at some point in their career. The latter moving on to manage the club.
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Oljestaden IF Olga
(Oljestaden, Hyland)

1. Zebjan Istanjovich (37, G , SIC)
2. Morten Pshenichny (34, D R, PIS)
3. Hershel Nesbitt (34, D LC, AUD)
4. Tomas Kristofics (38, DM C, PIS)
5. Tomp McCloud (35, D L, COS)
7. Navarro lo Squadro (31, M R, FFD)
8. Tofer Kahlor (23, AM C, COS)
10. Funanya Nwapa (35, M C, COS)
11. Jack Churchfather (27, AM L, NPH)
12. Donato Castillo (20, G , EFL)
13. Kletus Tosset (21, F C, COS)
14. Badminton (33, M C, DAI)
16. Mathew Zwaan (32, M R, AUD)
17. Ernest De Keyser (31, D/M RC, AUD)
18. Clement Snijders (30, DM C, AUD)
20. Gale Van Hoorn (26, F C, AUD)
24. Adriaan Martens (27, D/M L, AUD)
25. Bohdan Melnikoff (28, F C, AUD)
26. Caleb di Weit (24, F C, AUD)
30. Marijn Poelmans (28, D RL, AUD)
Mng. Ivan Haarstad (48, mng , PIS)

Oljestaden have always been something of an odd-one-out in the Audioslavian top flight (when they haven't been struggling in the second divison, that is). Whereas the highest level of football in this country is often dominated by sides from the capital, Tzierra and the southwest, northerners Oljestaden consistently crop up here and there, whether in the Globe Cup positions or powering home to win the Kirola Cup. 

Polarian manager Ivan Haarstad, once a striker with the club, has always liked playing with, and managing, Polarian footballers, which explain how Tomas Kristofics has kept his place in the team over the past 17 seasons.
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Tout-Puissant Hasiera Les Sudistes
(Hasiera, Bas de la Sierra)

1. Louelle Ronquille (31, G , AUD)
2. Jeremiah Bendix (37, D RL, AUD)
3. Shane Stoppelbei (32, D L, YTT)
5. Emmanuel Fontan (27, D C, AUD)
6. Jean-Michel Boiteux (24, M C, AUD)
7. Leonardo Bousquet (24, AM/F C, EFL)
8. Marcus Sforza (32, AM C, AUD)
9. Iaaki Lacouague (29, F C, AUD)
10. Louis O'Brien (30, F C, OSR)
11. Jaume Picot (27, M LC, AUD)
12. Marcus Herrier (29, F C, AUD)
13. Jildas Le Hénaff (21, D L, AUD)
15. Marouane Gilberg (36, D L, AUD)
17. Javier Duarte (23, D RL, AUD)
19. Gioele Angelino (22, D LC, AUD)
20. Miquel Regal (28, M RL, AUD)
21. Charles Beck (23, D/M LC, AUD)
22. Arnau Basso (26, G , AUD)
23. Clarence Robaina (22, D L, AUD)
27. Futuyna (27, G , DAI)
Mng. Ari Mendea (62, M , AUD)

With every passing season there's usually one Hasiera team in the top flight. One maximum. They have a habit of passing each other on their way into and out of the first division. This 15-team season is the first to buck the trend. Tout-Puissant's ability to get stuck in to the Globe Cup places have cemented them in the top flight recently, while Tenth Star will just be looking to survive.
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KT Moreazerua Mozi
(Moreazerua, Herradura)

1. Santiago Dorantes (29, G , AUD)
2. Agustín Valenzuela (25, D R, AUD)
3. Alex Moralez (29, D LC, AUD)
4. Bennik Hreidarsson (30, DM C, SEM)
6. Dieter Konoval (28, D C, NPH)
7. Kelvin Lisco (26, D/M R, SAR)
8. Marco van Ciavatinni (30, M/F CR, ESH)
9. Benjamin Worsaw (35, F C, COS)
10. Joan Nonhagatte (28, M C, FFD)
11. Rynyr-Pilta Jan (27, AM C, QUS)
13. Timothy Landzaat (33, D RC, AUD)
14. Huele (37, AM C, SAM)
15. Nerman (29, M/F L, IRN)
16. Arturo Solagurenbeazkoa (28, D/M RL, AUD)
18. Circe (22, F C, DAI)
19. Inaki Etxabeguren (34, AM/F CL, AUD)
19. Imanol Andueza (27, F C, AUD)
20. Forest Azarola (29, F C, AUD)
23. Pendergarst (32, G , DAI)
mng. Jouard Caceres (46, D C, AUD)

Alexander Kirk's KT Moreazerua rose from being perennial relegation fodder to becoming champions a few years back, but times have changed. Mozi haven’t troubled the top half of the table for years, now,. Jouard Caceres has been tasked with putting the side back where they belong (the Globe Cup places, at the very least)). With county rivals Itzalovalle still languishing in the second tier, Mozi only have Zozi as their main rivalry, and that one has been rather lopsided in recent years.

Mozi, then, are rebuilding, but without UICA football they struggle to attract enough top foreign talent.
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Silexhera FC The Academicals
(Silica City, Silexhera)

1. Luca Zanardi (21, G , AUD)
2. Jefferson McMillan (33, D RC, AUD)
3. Nathan Lang (37, D LC, AUD)
4. Vilhelm Bacarde (32, DM C, YTT)
5. Lewis Vaughan (27, D C, LTN)
6. Dewey Carmichael (29, D C, AUD)
7. William Blake (27, M C, LTN)
8. Baldo Gabbard (32, M C, YTT)
9. Vraimond Tielemans (36, F C, AUD)
10. Bull De Roo (34, M C, AUD)
11. Dylan Yansway (31, M RL, AUD)
12. Shon Ferroni (35, F C, AUD)
13. Winfridh (32, G , DAI)
14. Ysaak (20, D CR, DAI)
15. Estanche (33, M C, DAI)
16. Dennis Weir (36, DM C, AUD)
17. Haywood Baden (33, D/M RL, AUD)
18. Ted Cal (28, M C, AUD)
Mng. Juan Juez (57, F C, AUD)

Silexhera, a former nation unto itself that qualified for World Cup 48, have a rich footballing history but not much in the way of money or local population, with Silexhera being sparsely populated. They have always managed to make do with meagre resources, however, as can be attested to by the fact that, well, they’re still here. Silexhera were favourites for the drop last year, but an eighth-placed finish kept them more than safe for the coming season. Optimistic fans may fancy that they can push on this year.
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Artiglieria The Gunners
(Bolzana, Padia)

1. Uolleys (26, G , DAI)
2. Alessio Tornetta (24, D RL, AUD)
3. Leonardo Di Bari (25, D L, AUD)
4. Jordan Nancarrow (31, M C, BRE)
5. Francesco Azzaro (27, D C, AUD)
6. Michele Merlini (27, D C, AUD)
7. John Revelwer (25, M R, DUN)
8. Bruno Guridi (28, M/F RL, AUD)
9. Odis Panico (29, F C, AUD)
10. Menderchuk (27, F C, DAI)
11. Matt Branch (33, M L, COS)
12. Francesco Fazio (27, M C, AUD)
13. Homer Bruzzese (21, G , AUD)
14. Kelly Caldarone (29, DM C, AUD)
15. Maximiliano Villavicencio (24, M/F C, AUD)
17. Eduardo De Valle (22, M LC, AUD)
20. Fedyenka Rudnitsky (27, M R, AUD)
21. Paolo Castellucci (23, AM LC, AUD)
24. Salvatore Cartelli (21, D R, AUD)
27. Arnoud Koolhaas (23, D C, AUD)
28. Giorgio Cavaliere (21, F C, AUD)
29. Filippo Bracco (20, F C, AUD)
Mng. Orson Faulkner (42, D RC, BRE)

Artiglieria hail from Padia on the west coast of Audioslavia - a place that has broken onto the Audioslavian football map in recent years with the arrival of Marcadia and Valligiani to the top flight. Both sides hit the heights of the Globe Cup before their adrenaline petered out. Artiglieria, in their first season, did a similarly impressive job in qualifying for the Champions Cup, but similarly endured a difficult sophomore year in the top flight. Manager Orson Faulkner, a legend at AC Izotz Zubia, will look keep the side going in the top division.
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Eletti Valligiani I Gialloneri
(Valligiani, Padia)

1. Lucas Lemann (26, G , PAS)
2. Gilberto Anzures (35, D RL, AUD)
3. Geraldo Seghers (35, D LC, AUD)
5. Jon Verhoeven (31, M C, AUD)
6. Michael Marroquin (32, D LC, AUD)
6. Angelo Buffone (27, D C, AUD)
7. Giulio Campus (21, M RL, AUD)
8. Fabio Puccini (33, F C, AUD)
9. Giacomo Tripodi (25, M LC, AUD)
10. Anders Engstrom (39, M/F C, COS)
11. Alejandro Aretxaga (33, M LC, AUD)
12. Federico Trevino (35, M L, AUD)
13. Stanford Rand (31, G , AUD)
14. Christopher Ortegon (24, D L, AUD)
15. Arlie Papandrea (30, M RL, AUD)
16. Flavio Fugleberg (32, D/M C, AUD)
17. Bruce Cortesi (31, M RL, AUD)
18. Elvis Arteaga (30, M/F LC, AUD)
19. Apal Carpinelli (33, F C, AUD)
21. Edoardo Scicchitano (20, M LC, AUD)
Mng. Renaud Marchand (49, M C, AUD)

Eletti finished bottom of the league last season, yet maintained their top flight status due to the league’s expansion from 10 to 15 clubs via a playoff victory over the second division’s sixth-placed club. Once seen as the powerhouse of the east coast, Artiglieria have since taken that mantle. E.V. almost certainly have the least proven squad in the top flight, with a great deal many of their top players having departed in recent years, but the side remain difficult to play against at home and may just stave off a relegation place. Cosumarite veteran Anders Engstrom will, once again, captain the side.
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Burdoc Ridge Thistle
(Ceilerden, Central)

1. Liam McAdams (24, G , AUD)
2. Leif Davidson (24, D R, AUD)
3. Kieran Nielsen (26, D L, AUD)
5. Emmanuel Awuah (30, D C, SEM)
6. Kestryl Morejon (32, D C, AUD)
7. Jean Buchanan-McIntyre (29, M R, AUD)
8. Raadi Bowden (24, AM/F C, EFL)
9. Hannes Van den Hoek (22, F C, AUD)
10. Adam Logan (29, AM/F CL, AUD)
11. Marc Buchanan (32, M L, AUD)
12. William Carr (30, DM C, AUD)
14. Israel Murga (30, AM RC, AUD)
15. Carghan Rolan (36, D LC, AUD)
16. Osvald Johnsen (28, M R, AUD)
17. Archie Hofstede (34, D RC, AUD)
18. Aidan Stuart (26, D C, AUD)
19. Brodie Maloney (25, AM R, AUD)
20. Jude Tomas (32, M/F RL, AUD)
22. Chick McKenzie (21, F C, AUD)
23. Carghan Vale (28, F C, AUD)
Mng. Coalan Bray (56, F C, AUD)

Wee Burdoc won the second division last year, and so will see themselves as best placed to give the top teams a run for their money. The Thistle have always been slightly in the shadow of the teams from nearby Cathair, but enjoy one of the more passionate fan-bases in Audioslavia and, despite meagre resources, should be able to match any of the big teams on their day.
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AS Marcadia I Marchetti
(Marcadia, Padia)

1. Jeremy Sedillo (38, G , AUD)
2. Otto Giovannucci (31, D RC, AUD)
3. Tobiasso Bagnato (31, D RL, AUD)
4. Nicolò Gioffre (24, M C, AUD)
5. Xaviar Corvo (35, D C, AUD)
6. Nicola Conetta (23, D C, AUD)
7. Adonis Pizarro (31, AM RC, AUD)
8. Fausto Vigorito (36, AM LC, AUD)
9. Francesco Zini (35, F C, AUD)
10. Nicola Zadra (29, F C, AUD)
11. Pietro Raspa (28, F C, AUD)
12. Nicolò Casassa (27, DM C, AUD)
14. Shannon Martinetti (33, AM RL, AUD)
15. Adolfo De Nicola (28, F C, AUD)
16. Hiro Fangio (28, M C, AUD)
17. Rich Di Vita (31, F C, AUD)
18. Andrea Li Causi (28, D RC, AUD)
19. Simos Arvanitakis (, AM RL, FHU)
20. Salvatore Del Pozzo (22, AM LC, AUD)
21. Eddy Roldan (33, D C, AUD)
22. Brock Cucci (32, F C, AUD)
23. Neal Denis (31, AM RL, AUD)
Mng. Claudio Redondo (61, D C, AUD)

AS Marcadia have been in the top flight before, managing two finishes in the top six and a number of relegation battles - some won, some lost. The side count Artiglieria and Eletti Valligiani among the rivals (especially the latter)
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Calcio Sicurezza Elfi The Northern Marauders
(Trentina, Padia)

1. Ibrahim Mathisen (29, G , VAL)
2. Young Sgroi (28, D R, AUD)
3. Christopher Peña (34, D RL, AUD)
5. Gustav Marinussen (29, D CR, VAL)
6. Fredrik Pettersen (20, D C, VAL)
7. Zane Narez (32, M R, AUD)
8. Robert Jégou (24, M/F C, AUD)
9. Dennis Våge (23, F C, VAL)
11. Guillem Rodas (25, D/M L, AUD)
12. Agusteth Denisco (25, AM LC, AUD)
13. Adie Spencer (25, F RC, AUD)
14. Fredrik Skotnes (23, M RL, VAL)
15. Frits Versteeg (25, D C, AUD)
16. Leonardo Accomando (25, D C, AUD)
17. Davide Neri (26, M RL, AUD)
18. Randell Arrizabalaga (24, D C, AUD)
19. Ehoarn Le Tallec (24, AM RC, AUD)
20. Shannon Vanhof (31, D C, AUD)
21. Tyler Armstrong (25, G , AUD)
22. Alfie McGregor (25, F C, AUD)
23. Iker Lucena (25, M/F R, AUD)
24. Celtan Ansotegi (37, G , AUD)
Mng. Axel Tufte (48, VAL)

When the FFA first announced plans to increase the top flight from 10 to 15 clubs, critics started to reel off a list of supposedly ‘undeserving’ teams who could end up playing in the expanded first division. Calcio Sicurezza Elfi, a team founded by immigrants from the dark south-west of Atlantian Oceania, weren’t even on that list. That they’re now a top flight team is a huge surprise, given their modest resources, and yet the side, peppered here and there with previously unheralded Vanorian talent, could well be on their way to causing a shock in the top division.
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Isle of Kjeligsted FC The Barbers
(Kjelstad, Kjeligsted)

1. Jamison Pounds (33, G , AUD)
2. Rabih Nabi (28, D R, AUD)
3. Abdus Atiyah (32, D L, AUD)
4. Mubarak Manzanares (25, D/M RC, AUD)
5. Sharifullah Henein (30, D C, AUD)
6. Naqibullah Fakhoury (24, D C, AUD)
7. Aqeel Sayyid (33, AM RL, AUD)
9. Anis Trabelsi (24, F C, AUD)
10. Abd Tayeb (30, F C, AUD)
11. Abid Awan (21, M L, AUD)
12. Nazif Sabri (24, F C, AUD)
13. Nizam Jarrar (32, D/M R, AUD)
14. Salah Hakimi (27, M L, AUD)
15. Ghiyath Sawalha (24, M C, AUD)
16. Amir Muzquiz (21, DM C, AUD)
17. Leo Le Moal (23, D C, AUD)
18. Adham Yasser (31, M C, AUD)
19. Farid Kashif (25, M C, AUD)
20. Munif Habib (36, F C, AUD)
21. Anwar Bracero (18, M/F RL, AUD)
22. Ethan Floch (18, M C, AUD)
Mng. Frantzko Intxausti (63, AUD)

There was a time when Kjeligsted used the wealth of their investors to attract talent to Audioslavia’s northernmost football team. Those days are largely passed. It’s local boys that make up the bulk of the squad these days, and the change has given the side their first top flight berth in history, despite only finishing fourth in division two last year. Veteran manager Frantzko Intxausti thinks he can sneak his side into the top ten. Oddly, there’s nobody laughing at him right now.
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Tenth Star Hasiera The Syndicate
(Hasiera, Bas de la Sierra)

1. Paulinho Romã (35, G , WSI)
2. Andre Brammer (31, D R, AUD)
3. Byron Teran (31, D L, AUD)
4. Emmett Highes (28, M C, AUD)
5. Rodney Plath (33, D C, TIS)
6. Geert van Horst (36, D C, TIS)
7. Jean-Pablo Costacurta-Groove (36, M R, ESI)
8. Terrell Bouwman (28, M/F C, AUD)
9. Haywood Toscano (35, F C, AUD)
10. Hans Varas (32, F C, AUD)
11. Naphtali Thatcher (34, M L, BRE)
12. James Metcalf (36, M C, LTN)
13. Anibal Van de Werve (31, G , AUD)
14. Spencer Emberton (28, M/F C, AUD)
17. Jason Palacio-Barrio (28, M R, AUD)
18. Gwenhael Salaun (27, F C, AUD)
19. Eonmhid Carthurst (33, M C, TIS)
20. Gilbert King (31, F C, AUD)
Mng. Rami Levinsky (54, D R, AUD)

Tenth Star Hasiera have had the occasional cup of coffee in the top division of Audioslavian football, but have recently found themselves very much playing second fiddle to increasingly prosperous cross-town rivals Tout-Puissant. Tenth Star, a side founded by immigrants from the former nation of Mertagne, do have one advantage over their rivals - a Series B Champions Cup winner’s medal from two decades ago. The shine my have dulled over the years, but it’s something.
The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 9 4 3 2 16 12 +4 15
2 Cazadores Cathair 5 4 1 0 16 11 +5 13
3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 8 4 1 3 19 15 +4 13
4 Oljestaden IF 7 4 0 3 19 13 +6 12
5 Burdoc Ridge 5 4 0 1 10 4 +6 12
6 Artiglieria 5 3 1 1 15 12 +3 10
7 1830 Cathair 4 3 0 1 12 9 +3 9
8 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 8 2 3 3 13 15 −2 9
9 AS Marcadia 5 2 1 2 15 13 +2 7
10 Silexhera FC 5 2 1 2 9 8 +1 7
11 AC Izotz Zubia 5 2 1 2 8 7 +1 7
12 KT Moreazerua 6 0 4 2 13 15 −2 4
13 Tenth Star Hasiera 7 1 1 5 5 15 −10 4
14 Eletti Valligiani 5 0 3 2 7 10 −3 3
15 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 6 0 0 6 1 19 −18 0

National Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 KT Laranjauzia 9 7 2 0 14 1 +13 23
2 CdF Celtade 9 7 1 1 21 10 +11 22
3 Santa Margarida 9 6 1 2 23 17 +6 19
4 Necromarinai 9 4 4 1 25 20 +5 16
5 Iron Brewery 9 4 3 2 19 13 +6 15
6 KT Itzalovalle 9 4 3 2 7 5 +2 15
7 Reina Del Sud 9 4 2 3 11 9 +2 14
8 Excelsior Zijweg 9 4 1 4 13 14 −1 13
9 CF Herradores 9 3 2 4 16 14 +2 11
10 United Cathair FC 9 3 2 4 8 11 −3 11
11 Uniao Tortuguita 9 3 2 4 19 25 −6 11
12 Viking Halehavn 9 3 1 5 8 11 −3 10
13 The Oran 9 3 1 5 14 19 −5 10
14 Guerrilla Cathair 9 2 4 3 16 22 −6 10
15 Calcio Lecho 9 2 3 4 10 10 0 9
16 Valens AV 9 2 3 4 9 12 −3 9
17 Ceilerden Rovers 9 2 3 4 8 14 −6 9
18 Sobrevolante 9 2 2 5 15 17 −2 8
19 KT Ferramendiak 9 2 2 5 13 17 −4 8
20 Sparta Zijweg 9 1 2 6 6 14 −8 5


Biggest Win
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 0–6 Oljestaden IF

Highest Scoring Match
Eletti Valligiani 4–5 Cazadores Cathair

Biggest Upset
MD1: Burdoc Ridge 3–2 AC Izotz Zubia
MD5: AC Izotz Zubia 0–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi

Notable Results
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Cazadores Cathair 4–2 1830 Cathair


I know, I know. You’re looking at that league table and you’re thinking what on earth is that league table. This, my friends, is the future of football. Ten team leagues necessitate every team playing one another four times. That gets boring.? A fifteen team league would be over after only 24 weeks, right? Well, yes, but not if you do it the Audioslavian way. While the second division sees each team play each other twice, and every team playing every week, the top division sees only a handful of teams fulfil their fixtures every week, with some clubs earning up to five rest-weeks in a row at a time.

Above, we see that reigning champions Shamrock Cathair are top after a quarter of the season, but a closer inspection reveals that they’ve played one game every weekend, while second placed Cazadores are only two poins back, with four games in hand. Calcio Sicurezza Elfi, too, are a little higher in the table than a 4-1-3 record usually permits, but that they have a positive record at all at this point in the season is nothing short of a cause for wild celebration in Trentina. The fact that they also possess an away-win over heavyweights AC Izotz Zubia is also a cause for joy on the eastern coast.

At the bottom, Isle of Kjeligsted’s local boys are nought-for-six so far, while Mozi and EV are also winless. In the middle, powerhouses 1830 Cathair didn’t start their season until week five, yet still sit mid-table. Not a bad feat, but a 4-2 derby hammering by city rivals Cazadores has wiped the smiles off the supporters’ faces for now.

In the second division, KT Laranjauzia lead the way at nine games, the only undefeated side in the second tier. Luja are perhaps the only ‘big’ side left in Audioslavia’s footballing hotbed of Tzierra/Herradura never to have made it to the top flight of Audioslavian football. It’s a fact they are looking to rectify.
The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 14 8 4 2 34 27 +7 28
2 AC Izotz Zubia 14 8 3 3 37 26 +11 27
3 Shamrock Cathair 14 8 3 3 29 18 +11 27
4 Cazadores Cathair 14 8 1 5 33 29 +4 25
5 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 14 7 2 5 35 26 +9 23
6 Artiglieria 14 6 3 5 36 30 +6 21
7 Silexhera FC 14 6 3 5 22 22 0 21
8 AS Marcadia 14 5 4 5 32 32 0 19
9 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 14 5 4 5 23 24 −1 19
10 Burdoc Ridge 14 5 2 7 22 24 −2 17
11 Oljestaden IF 14 5 1 8 25 24 +1 16
12 KT Moreazerua 14 3 7 4 28 28 0 16
13 Eletti Valligiani 14 2 6 6 17 27 −10 12
14 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 14 3 2 9 12 29 −17 11
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 14 3 1 10 16 35 −19 10

National Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 KT Laranjauzia 19 14 3 2 43 16 +27 45
2 KT Itzalovalle 19 12 4 3 33 16 +17 40
3 Santa Margarida 19 12 4 3 49 34 +15 40
4 CdF Celtade 19 12 3 4 41 25 +16 39
5 Excelsior Zijweg 19 10 3 6 36 29 +7 33
6 CF Herradores 19 9 5 5 45 30 +15 32
7 KT Ferramendiak 19 8 4 7 34 30 +4 28
8 Iron Brewery 19 7 6 6 41 35 +6 27
9 Necromarinai 19 6 8 5 49 48 +1 26
10 The Oran 19 8 2 9 33 36 −3 26
11 Sobrevolante 19 6 4 9 29 27 +2 22
12 Reina Del Sud 19 6 4 9 26 35 −9 22
13 Guerrilla Cathair 19 5 6 8 40 52 −12 21
14 Viking Halehavn 19 5 5 9 15 22 −7 20
15 Valens AV 19 4 6 9 22 35 −13 18
16 Ceilerden Rovers 19 4 6 9 17 34 −17 18
17 Uniao Tortuguita 19 4 5 10 40 56 −16 17
18 United Cathair FC 19 4 5 10 22 39 −17 17
19 Calcio Lecho 19 3 7 9 16 24 −8 16
20 Sparta Zijweg 19 3 6 10 25 33 −8 15


Biggest win
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 6–2 Eletti Valligiani

Highest Scoring Matches
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 6–2 Eletti Valligiani
AC Izotz Zubia 4–4 KT Moreazerua
Burdoc Ridge 3–5 Tenth Star Hasiera

Biggest Upset
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 Cazadores Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 5–1 1830 Cathair

Notable Matches
Cazadores Cathair 3–4 AC Izotz Zubia
AC Izotz Zubia 2–2 1830 Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 3–2 Shamrock Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 5–1 1830 Cathair


The half-way stage of the season marks one of only three points wherein all the top-flight sides have played the same number of games - the others being the start and end of the season. Familiar names fill the top four, with the Catharan trident skewering south-easterners AC Izotz Zubia at the summit. They’re so close you could throw a blanket over all of them. What’s strange is that the team closest enough to be flinging said blanket are Calcio Sicurezza Elfi. The Northern Marauders have made an incredible start to their first season of top flight football, with Vanoran striker Dennis Våge and Hasieran-born Robert Jégou the boys behind the coup, scoring and assisting seemingly at will, especially in matchday 14s 6-2 shellacking of Eletti Valligiani. EV, like newcomers Kjeligsted and perennial struggled Tenth Star are slightly adrift at the bottom. Two of these three look to be making the short trip down to division two at the end of the season. A further two teams will be sucked into a relegation playoff, but who has to suffer that is anyone’s guess at the moment.

In twelfth position, KT Moreazerua’s fans are absolutely furious. They are increasingly removed from their golden generation and increasingly seem to be in danger of a return to the second flight for the first time since season 10 of the LigAnaia.

In National Two, Laranjauzia continue to lead the way, while former top-flight stalwarts KT Itzalovalle, a team whose plight in the second division had previously convinced conspiracy theorists that the increase from 10 to 15 teams was solely for Itzi's benefit before the Herradura club spectacularly failed to even finish in the top half of the old division two, find themselves in second place. Fans of the fallen giants are beginning to believe once again.

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:15 pm

The National League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 23 13 4 6 43 32 +11 43
2 AC Izotz Zubia 19 12 3 4 50 35 +15 39
3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 22 10 4 8 51 43 +8 34
4 Cazadores Cathair 19 10 3 6 43 35 +8 33
5 1830 Cathair 18 9 5 4 41 35 +6 32
6 KT Moreazerua 20 8 8 4 39 33 +6 32
7 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 22 9 5 8 39 38 +1 32
8 Artiglieria 19 7 5 7 44 40 +4 26
9 Silexhera FC 19 7 5 7 35 35 0 26
10 Oljestaden IF 21 7 4 10 38 37 +1 25
11 AS Marcadia 19 6 5 8 40 39 +1 23
12 Burdoc Ridge 19 5 3 11 33 40 −7 18
13 Eletti Valligiani 19 3 9 7 25 37 −12 18
14 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 20 5 3 12 21 39 −18 18
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 21 5 2 14 30 54 −24 17

National Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 KT Laranjauzia 28 20 5 3 63 28 +35 65
2 CdF Celtade 28 18 4 6 57 37 +20 58
3 KT Itzalovalle 28 17 6 5 55 26 +29 57
4 Santa Margarida 28 15 6 7 64 49 +15 51
5 CF Herradores 28 13 8 7 64 45 +19 47
6 The Oran 28 14 3 11 55 53 +2 45
7 Excelsior Zijweg 28 12 8 8 46 40 +6 44
8 Iron Brewery 28 11 8 9 61 49 +12 41
9 KT Ferramendiak 28 12 5 11 55 45 +10 41
10 Necromarinai 28 9 10 9 70 70 0 37
11 Sobrevolante 28 10 6 12 44 35 +9 36
12 Reina Del Sud 28 10 6 12 39 50 −11 36
13 Viking Halehavn 28 9 8 11 35 42 −7 35
14 Guerrilla Cathair 28 9 6 13 59 71 −12 33
15 Uniao Tortuguita 28 7 7 14 55 76 −21 28
16 United Cathair FC 28 6 7 15 31 55 −24 25
17 Calcio Lecho 28 5 9 14 28 45 −17 24
18 Sparta Zijweg 28 4 11 13 37 49 −12 23
19 Valens AV 28 5 8 15 29 53 −24 23
20 Ceilerden Rovers 28 4 9 15 25 54 −29 21

Biggest Win
AS Marcadia 6–2 Shamrock Cathair

Highest Scoring Match
Tenth Star Hasiera 7–4 Eletti Valligiani

Biggest Upset
AS Marcadia 6–2 Shamrock Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 3–1 1830 Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 1–2 Isle of Kjeligsted FC

Notable Matches
Cazadores Cathair 1–2 KT Moreazerua
AC Izotz Zubia 1–2 Shamrock Cathair
KT Moreazerua 2–1 1830 Cathair
Silexhera FC 5–5 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
1830 Cathair 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 0–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi


With the third quarter’s fixtures being a mirror of the first quarter’s, Shamrock Cathair know they have the chance to build a psychological gap between them and their title rivals. Losing 6-2 to AS Marcadia and providing Isle of Kjeligsted with their fifth win of the season wasn’t quite in Rohan Cammers’s plans. Shamrock do lead in matchweek 28, but it’s by just four points over AC Izotz Zubia, who have four games to bridge that gap before the end of the season. Calcio Sizurezza Elfi’s dream season continues, sneaking into third place, albeit with fewer games to go as their rivals. Two points separates third from seventh just now, but the capital duo of Cazadores and 1830 Cathair are the best placed to strike.

At the bottom, Tenth Star, Kjeligsted, EV and Burdoc Ridge are all off the pace. Two will be relegated automatically. The two who keep their heads above water will be going into a relegation playoff.

In the National Two, Laranjauzia remain top. With nine games to go, they’re looking nailed on to make their top-flight bow next season. Itzalovalle, after three seasons away from a top flight they’d spent their entire existence in previously, are fighting it out for second place with Celtade and relative newbies Santa Margarida, one of an influx of teams from the Lusophone north east.
Matchday 29
Burdoc Ridge 0–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Artiglieria 1–1 Tenth Star Hasiera
Silexhera FC 3–2 KT Moreazerua
AS Marcadia 3–3 Cazadores Cathair
Eletti Valligiani 0–1 1830 Cathair
Matchday 30
1830 Cathair 2–3 AS Marcadia
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 Silexhera FC
KT Moreazerua 4–0 Artiglieria
Tenth Star Hasiera 4–6 Burdoc Ridge
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–2 AC Izotz Zubia
The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 23 13 4 6 43 32 +11 43
2 AC Izotz Zubia 20 13 3 4 52 35 +17 42
3 Cazadores Cathair 21 11 4 6 47 38 +9 37
4 KT Moreazerua 22 9 8 5 45 36 +9 35
5 1830 Cathair 20 10 5 5 44 38 +6 35
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 24 10 5 9 41 40 +1 35
7 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 22 10 4 8 51 43 +8 34
8 Silexhera FC 21 8 5 8 38 38 0 29
9 AS Marcadia 21 7 6 8 46 44 +2 27
10 Artiglieria 21 7 6 8 45 45 0 27
11 Oljestaden IF 21 7 4 10 38 37 +1 25
12 Burdoc Ridge 21 6 3 12 39 46 −7 21
13 Eletti Valligiani 20 3 9 8 25 38 −13 18
14 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 20 5 3 12 21 39 −18 18
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 23 5 3 15 35 61 −26 18


Matchday 29’s midweek fixtures include a barnstormer on the east coast. AS Marcadia’s hopes of securing UICA football may be over, and the side are well clear of the relegation battle, but that doesn’t stop them thrice coming back from a goal down. The creativity of young midfielders Salvatore del Pozzo and Simos Arvanitakis is what brings Marcadia from the brink, with striker Nicola Zadra benefitting from their insightful passing twice. Cazadores are missing the game-changing abilities of departed striker Desya Kuznetsov, and it shows here as they fail to take three much needed points. Cathair leapfrog them by beating Eletti Valligiani by a solitary Pristina Shine goal to nil.

At the weekend, Marcadia’s goalscoring form continues as Zadra’s third brace in two games and Pozzo’s winner shock Cathair at home to cap off a week the capital clubs would rather forget. Relegation-threatened Burdoc Ridge look on, take inspiration, double it, and scunner high-flying Tout-Puissant Hasiera by six goals to four away from home to lift them three much needed points above their relegation threatened rivals. At the top, Cazadores Cathair’s Cosumarite teenager Dane Prigeon heads home deep into stoppage time to rescue three points against mid-table Silexhera to jump back into third place.
Matchday 31
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 2–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
AC Izotz Zubia 4–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Burdoc Ridge 2–3 KT Moreazerua
Artiglieria 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Silexhera FC 1–5 1830 Cathair
AS Marcadia 1–2 Eletti Valligiani
Matchday 32
Eletti Valligiani 1–2 Silexhera FC
1830 Cathair 2–2 Artiglieria
Cazadores Cathair 3–2 Burdoc Ridge
KT Moreazerua 1–3 AC Izotz Zubia
Tenth Star Hasiera 2–4 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–1 Oljestaden IF


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 22 15 3 4 59 36 +23 48
2 Shamrock Cathair 23 13 4 6 43 32 +11 43
3 Cazadores Cathair 23 12 5 6 51 41 +10 41
4 1830 Cathair 22 11 6 5 51 41 +10 39
5 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 26 11 6 9 45 43 +2 39
6 KT Moreazerua 24 10 8 6 49 41 +8 38
7 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 22 10 4 8 51 43 +8 34
8 Silexhera FC 23 9 5 9 41 44 −3 32
9 Artiglieria 23 7 8 8 48 48 0 29
10 AS Marcadia 22 7 6 9 47 46 +1 27
11 Oljestaden IF 22 7 4 11 39 39 0 25
12 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 22 6 4 12 27 43 −16 22
13 Burdoc Ridge 23 6 3 14 43 52 −9 21
14 Eletti Valligiani 22 4 9 9 28 41 −13 21
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 25 5 3 17 37 69 −32 18


KT Moreazerua are desperate for UICA football again after so many years off the pace, and though Marco van Ciavatinni and Joan Nonhagatte’s hard work in midfield brings them victory over Burdoc Ridge, a crushing home defeat to local rivals AC Izotz Zubia drops them further behind their rivals with just four games left to play. Zozi’s derby win comes after a 4-0 thrashing of stricken Tenth Star Hasiera, with Hawk, Valrauncion and the like doing their thing for the 8-time national champions. Zozi’s form sees them leapfrog Shamrock Cathair and race into a five-point lead in the championship, with none of the Cathair clubs able to keep the pace. 1830 Cathair, 5-1 winners at SIlexhera through va Drake’s playmaking and Ceballos’s experience, are held to a two-all draw against a very ordinary looking Artiglieria, who equalize at the death through Menderchuk, to the frustration of the capital club’s supporters.
Matchday 33
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Oljestaden IF 5–2 Tenth Star Hasiera
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 3–4 KT Moreazerua
AC Izotz Zubia 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Burdoc Ridge 1–3 1830 Cathair
Artiglieria 2–2 Eletti Valligiani
Silexhera FC 2–2 AS Marcadia
Matchday 34
AS Marcadia 5–3 Artiglieria
Eletti Valligiani 1–2 Burdoc Ridge
1830 Cathair 4–3 AC Izotz Zubia
Cazadores Cathair 1–3 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
KT Moreazerua 1–3 Oljestaden IF
Tenth Star Hasiera 4–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 3–1 Shamrock Cathair


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 24 15 4 5 63 41 +22 49
2 1830 Cathair 24 13 6 5 58 45 +13 45
3 Shamrock Cathair 24 13 4 7 44 35 +9 43
4 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 12 7 9 50 46 +4 43
5 Cazadores Cathair 25 12 6 7 53 45 +8 42
6 KT Moreazerua 26 11 8 7 54 47 +7 41
7 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 24 10 5 9 55 49 +6 35
8 Silexhera FC 24 9 6 9 43 46 −3 33
9 Oljestaden IF 24 9 4 11 47 42 +5 31
10 AS Marcadia 24 8 7 9 54 51 +3 31
11 Artiglieria 25 7 9 9 53 55 −2 30
12 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 24 7 4 13 33 48 −15 25
13 Burdoc Ridge 25 7 3 15 46 56 −10 24
14 Eletti Valligiani 24 4 10 10 31 45 −14 22
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 27 6 3 18 43 76 −33 21


The Elf emerges from their late-season hibernation to find the Hasiera brothers stood over them. Tout-Puissant Hasiera nudges them to check if they’re still alive and, finding they’re reasonably capable, Tenth Star Hasiera bashes them in the head before skulking off to another forest. Tenth Star, bottom of the league, three points adrift with only one game left to play, need to win that game by around twenty goals and hope each of the seven games their rivals have left to play results in a loss. They’re down. Also down, but in a more depression and anger sense rather than a physical one, are league leaders AC Izotz Zubia. Held at home by Cazadores thanks to Julio Sokolov’s annoying ability to seemingly score a header from any conceivable angle or position, they are then turned over by Hazel van Robben’s annoying ability to turn back the clock to five years ago, when she was still really good at football. An excellent, end-to-end encounter sees Cathair win to close the gap at the top to just four points. Shamrock remain third despite losing to Tout-Puissant Hasiera in what is, weirdly, TPH’s final game of the season. A cheeky four-match unbeaten run leaves the side in fourth place. From here they must wait and hope that neither the Northern Marauders, Academicals or Oilers can score the necessary points over their final four games to topple them from the Globe Cup spots.

Such a run would rather put the willies up Mozi, who are dragging their carcass to the final Globe Cup place, sneaking a victory over bottom-feeding Isle of Kjeligsted before losing meekly at home to Oljestaden IF.
Matchday 35
Shamrock Cathair 5–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 4–3 KT Moreazerua
Oljestaden IF 2–2 Cazadores Cathair
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 1–0 1830 Cathair
AC Izotz Zubia 3–2 Eletti Valligiani
Burdoc Ridge 2–0 AS Marcadia
Artiglieria 3–1 Silexhera FC
Matchday 36
Silexhera FC 4–1 Burdoc Ridge
AS Marcadia 3–2 AC Izotz Zubia
Eletti Valligiani 1–0 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
1830 Cathair 3–4 Oljestaden IF
Cazadores Cathair 2–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
KT Moreazerua 2–0 Shamrock Cathair


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 26 16 4 6 68 46 +22 52
2 Shamrock Cathair 26 14 4 8 49 37 +12 46
3 Cazadores Cathair 27 13 7 7 57 48 +9 46
4 1830 Cathair 26 13 6 7 61 50 +11 45
5 KT Moreazerua 28 12 8 8 59 51 +8 44
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 12 7 9 50 46 +4 43
7 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 26 11 5 10 60 54 +6 38
8 Silexhera FC 26 10 6 10 48 50 −2 36
9 Oljestaden IF 26 10 5 11 53 47 +6 35
10 AS Marcadia 26 9 7 10 57 55 +2 34
11 Artiglieria 26 8 9 9 56 56 0 33
12 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 26 8 4 14 34 49 −15 28
13 Burdoc Ridge 27 8 3 16 49 60 −11 27
14 Eletti Valligiani 26 5 10 11 34 48 −14 25
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 28 6 3 19 43 81 −38 21


Tenth Star Hasiera are put out of their misery spectacularly by Alexander Crewe and Coco Le Quellec as Shamrock take a big stride forward in their quest for the title. AC Izotz Zubia maintain the gap, defeating another struggler in Eletti Valligiani. All that’s left to complete a top-three sweep over the bottom three is for 1830 Cathair to beat Isle of Kjeligsted. Anis Trabelsi’s fifth minute strike confounds the ten-time national champions, who fail to find the reply despite the lion’s share of possession and the hunter’s share of shots at the target. You can put a fork in Cathair’s title ambitions: they are done.

This is exactly what Oljestaden IF do the next week, sticking Cathair four times, three courtesy of striker Tofer Kahlor, An unlikely loss for AC Izot Zubia to mid-table AS Marcadia (Nicola Zadra, predictably, scored the winning goal) makes no difference to the Faeron Soldarian’s Teatimers, who now lie seven points back with only two games left to play. Cathair will, once again, be watching another team lift the trophy instead of themselves. It probably won’t be another Cathair team. Cazadores grab four points over the two matchdays, but require a thirteen-goal swing over two games in order to stop Zozi marching to the title. Shamrock, toothless in defeat to a Moreazerua side cementing their place in the top five, ‘only’ need a ten goal swing.

One solitary point for AC Izotz Zubia would secure the salmon and silvers their ninth national championship - a record-extending fourth in the modern era.
Matchday 37
Shamrock Cathair 2–2 Cazadores Cathair
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 0–1 1830 Cathair
Oljestaden IF 4–1 Eletti Valligiani
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 1–2 AS Marcadia
AC Izotz Zubia 0–0 Silexhera FC
Burdoc Ridge 1–1 Artiglieria


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 27 16 5 6 68 46 +22 53
2 1830 Cathair 27 14 6 7 62 50 +12 48
3 Shamrock Cathair 27 14 5 8 51 39 +12 47
4 Cazadores Cathair 28 13 8 7 59 50 +9 47
5 KT Moreazerua 28 12 8 8 59 51 +8 44
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 12 7 9 50 46 +4 43
7 Oljestaden IF 27 11 5 11 57 48 +9 38
8 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 27 11 5 11 60 55 +5 38
9 AS Marcadia 27 10 7 10 59 56 +3 37
10 Silexhera FC 27 10 7 10 48 50 −2 37
11 Artiglieria 27 8 10 9 57 57 0 34
12 Burdoc Ridge 28 8 4 16 50 61 −11 28
13 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 27 8 4 15 35 51 −16 28
14 Eletti Valligiani 27 5 10 12 35 52 −17 25
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 28 6 3 19 43 81 −38 21


AC Izotz Zubia 0-0 Silexhera FC. After years of capitulations and three-way title races and last ditch winners and generally hollywood finishes to seasons, Zozi clinch the title by boring the ever loving toss out of everyone in viewing range. None of the team’s legion of fans care the slightest: AC Izotz Zubia are crowned champions for the third time in four seasons.

As for the rest of the league, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was all over. At the bottom, Eletti Valligiani are a win away from possibly staying up, but the side have won only five games all season and need Isle of Kjeligsted to get nothing against fellow ex-national team Silexhera FC. At the top, all three teams from 4th to 6th have played all their games, securing Globe Cup football above chasing Oljestaden, who are five points behind with three to play for, while the top three all have just one to go. The season is over, surely? There’s no way anything could change…
Matchday 38

Artiglieria 1–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Silexhera FC 2–1 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
AS Marcadia 1–2 Oljestaden IF
Eletti Valligiani 4–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
1830 Cathair 4–0 Shamrock Cathair

FINAL TABLE
1 AC Izotz Zubia 28 16 6 6 69 47 +22 54
2 1830 Cathair 28 15 6 7 66 50 +16 51
3 Cazadores Cathair 28 13 8 7 59 50 +9 47
4 Shamrock Cathair 28 14 5 9 51 43 +8 47
5 KT Moreazerua 28 12 8 8 59 51 +8 44
6 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 12 7 9 50 46 +4 43
7 Oljestaden IF 28 12 5 11 59 49 +10 41
8 Silexhera FC 28 11 7 10 50 51 −1 40
9 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 28 11 5 12 62 59 +3 38
10 AS Marcadia 28 10 7 11 60 58 +2 37
11 Artiglieria 28 8 11 9 58 58 0 35
12 Burdoc Ridge 28 8 4 16 50 61 −11 28
13 Eletti Valligiani 28 6 10 12 39 54 −15 28
14 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 28 8 4 16 36 53 −17 28
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 28 6 3 19 43 81 −38 21


…unless 1830 Cathair utterly thrash cross-town rivals Shamrock. A year after being crowned champions for the first time, Shamrock are humiliated by their richer friends from across town and drop into the Globe Cup. Cazadores, watching on TV, watch with glee as Shamrock drop below them on goal difference.

At the bottom, Isle of Kjeligsted briefly lead against Silexhera, but goals from Estanche and Yansway condemn the northerners to defeat, and they can only watch in horror as Eletti Valligiani leapfrog them into thirteenth via victory over Calcio Sicurezza Elfi.
Matchday 39
Burdoc Ridge vs CdF Celtade - 3-1
Eletti Valligiani vs Santa Margarida - 0-1
Matchday 40
Burdoc Ridge vs Santa Margarida - 1-0
Eletti Valligiani vs CdF Celtade - 3-3
Matchday 41Burdoc Ridge vs Eletti Valligiani - 2-1
CdF Celtade vs Santa Margarida - 4-4
Playoff Table

P W D L F A Pts
Burdoc Ridge 3 2 1 0 6 2 7 Remains in the National League
Santa Margarida 3 1 1 1 5 5 4 Promoted to the National League
————————————————————————————
CdF Celtade 3 0 2 1 7. 10 2 Remains in the National Two
Eletti Valligiani 3 0 1 2 4 6 1 Relegated to the National Two


CdF Celtade can’t manage to replicate their cup heroics. A 3-1 defeat by a confident Burdoc Ridge means they require a perfect final two games, but can find only two extra points, away to EV and at home to Santa Margarida, to finish third. Santa Margarida, a relatively new addition to the league, are promoted much to their supporters’ surprise, while Burdoc Ridge will once again play in the National League next season.


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1 KT Koroatuz                         40   34   4   2    87   17  +70   106 Promoted
2 Bombarralense 40 29 8 3 91 28 +63 95 Promoted
3 Crossport Mariners 40 28 8 4 83 27 +56 92 Promoted
4 Laranjeiras 40 27 7 6 75 29 +46 88 Promoted
5 Corações 40 27 6 7 61 26 +35 87
6 C.D. Portobranco 40 27 4 9 77 37 +40 85
7 DDM Dunas Secas 40 25 8 7 60 31 +29 83
8 Valão 40 24 10 6 80 30 +50 82
9 Kitherwell 40 25 7 8 75 27 +48 82
10 Hibernação 40 24 8 8 71 25 +46 80
11 Sporting Clube Marinheiros 40 23 11 6 66 31 +35 80
12 Alistoun Academicals 40 25 3 12 70 34 +36 78
13 Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 40 22 11 7 62 28 +34 77
14 Crossport Dynamo 40 20 13 7 56 33 +23 73
15 Osarese Marcadia 40 21 6 13 75 41 +34 69
16 Ceilerden Rovers 40 19 12 9 65 39 +26 69
17 Huiszwalluw FC 40 20 8 12 64 44 +20 68
18 CdFS Ilheiros 40 20 8 12 62 42 +20 68
19 KT Kanpoldelko 40 20 8 12 59 39 +20 68
20 SC Laivanrakentajas 40 18 9 13 61 41 +20 63
21 Orquideas 40 20 3 17 65 49 +16 63
22 Lemmitania State FC 40 17 10 13 65 44 +21 61
23 Frecce 40 17 9 14 67 39 +28 60
24 Shires Owls 40 17 5 18 62 53 +9 56
25 Vidrieros 40 17 4 19 61 58 +3 55
26 2130 Calolziolungho 40 15 8 17 52 41 +11 53
27 KT Ferratzaileak 40 15 5 20 56 48 +8 50
28 Clockwork FC 40 13 10 17 71 55 +16 49
29 Cerejeiras 40 13 6 21 57 50 +7 45
30 CF Cruceros 40 12 6 22 68 51 +17 42
31 Valderantia United 40 12 6 22 58 55 +3 42
32 Ross Railway 40 7 3 30 30 140 −110 24
33 PLFC 40 6 3 31 30 120 −90 21
34 Steelworks 40 1 13 26 8 68 −60 16
35 Maccabi Hasiera 40 4 4 32 11 95 −84 16
36 Glasgar Royals 40 4 3 33 9 101 −92 15
37 Fundición 40 1 11 28 7 99 −92 14
38 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 40 3 5 32 9 109 −100 14
39 Shires Blaydes 40 3 3 34 19 101 −82 12
40 Glasgar Rebels 40 3 2 35 17 100 −83 11
41 Viking Hryggur 40 1 4 35 12 109 −97 7

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Audioslavia
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Posts: 2584
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:23 pm

Season 8
Kirola Cup


Kirola Cup: Preliminary Round
Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 1–1 Valão (1–2 AET)
Ross Railway 4–0 Viking Hryggur
Shires Blaydes 0–3 Alistoun Academicals
Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 1–1 Maccabi Hasiera (1–2 AET)
Bombarralense 0–0 Kitherwell (2–1 AET)
Corações 5–0 Glasgar Rebels
Cerejeiras 4–0 Glasgar Royals
Crossport Mariners 4–0 Laranjeiras
Valderantia United 5–0 Fundición
Huiszwalluw FC 1–1 Hibernação (1–1 AET) (3–2 pen.)
C.D. Portobranco 4–0 PLFC
Sporting Clube Marinheiros 1–0 Steelworks

With Audioslavian football’s professional sphere now comprising of 71 clubs, up from 64, a preliminary qualifying stage is added to the Kirola Cup. The new teams appear to be a few steps above their more experienced rivals. Cerejeiras and Corações make light work of the old Glasgar teams, while Hiberian newcomers Alistoun overcome Shires Blaydes, across six old-vs-new encounters, only Laranjeiras fail to find victory, losing comfortably to Crossport Mariners
Kirola Cup: First Round
Reina Del Sud 1–1 Alistoun Academicals (1–1 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Eletti Valligiani 1–3 Tenth Star Hasiera
Shamrock Cathair 3–0 Shires Owls
Crossport Dynamo 1–1 Osarese Marcadia (2–2 AET) (8–9 pen.)
CdF Celtade 1–0 The Oran
C.D. Portobranco 4–1 Corações
KT Koroatuz 2–2 CdFS Ilheiros (3–3 AET) (4–5 pen.)
Maccabi Hasiera 0–2 KT Ferramendiak
Calcio Lecho 0–2 Cazadores Cathair
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 2–1 Viking Halehavn
1830 Cathair 3–0 KT Kanpoldelko
AC Izotz Zubia 4–0 Sparta Zijweg
KT Laranjauzia 0–2 Ceilerden Harp
Lemmitania State FC 2–1 Silexhera FC
Orquideas 2–2 Clockwork FC (3–3 AET) (4–1 pen.)
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–1 Artiglieria (2–1 AET)
Sporting Clube Marinheiros 1–1 Frecce (1–2 AET)
Cerejeiras 0–2 Burdoc Ridge
Bombarralense 4–0 Ross Railway
Necromarinai 1–2 KT Moreazerua
AS Marcadia 2–0 Oljestaden IF
CF Cruceros 0–2 Sobrevolante
Valens AV 1–1 Huiszwalluw FC (1–1 AET) (4–2 pen.)
Uniao Tortuguita 1–1 CF Herradores (3–2 AET)
Valderantia United 0–2 Iron Brewery
Excelsior Zijweg 2–1 Valão
Guerrilla Cathair 3–2 Santa Margarida
Vidrieros 3–1 2130 Calolziolungho
KT Itzalovalle 4–0 Ceilerden Rovers
KT Ferratzaileak 1–4 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
DDM Dunas Secas 5–0 United Cathair FC
SC Laivanrakentajas 3–0 Crossport Mariners

The biggest upset on Kirola Cup weekends is always when there are no upsets at all. The first round of season eight’s incarnation doesn’t quite manage that. Top flight Silexhera are turned over on visiting R41 club Lemmitania State F.C., in a matchup of two former World Cup qualifiers - turned - modestly powerful football club.
Kirola Cup: Second Round
Orquideas 0–3 Iron Brewery
Excelsior Zijweg 0–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
C.D. Portobranco 3–1 Shamrock Cathair
KT Ferramendiak 0–1 Burdoc Ridge
SC Laivanrakentajas 1–3 Alistoun Academicals
CdFS Ilheiros 0–2 1830 Cathair
Tenth Star Hasiera 1–0 Uniao Tortuguita
Lemmitania State FC 0–4 Sobrevolante
Frecce 1–2 Bombarralense
Vidrieros 1–3 AC Izotz Zubia
Osarese Marcadia 1–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Valens AV 2–3 Ceilerden Harp
KT Itzalovalle 5–0 DDM Dunas Secas
AS Marcadia 2–1 KT Moreazerua
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 3–1 Guerrilla Cathair
CdF Celtade 2–1 Cazadores Cathair

Cazadores and Shamrock limp pathetically back to the capital after both coming unstuck at lower league opposition. Cazadores can perhaps be forgiven for coming out second best away to second division high-fliers CdF Celtade, but Shamrock’s 3-1 capitulation to third-tier CD Portobranco is nothing short of farcical.
Kirola Cup: Third Round
Ceilerden Harp 2–0 Iron Brewery
C.D. Portobranco 0–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Burdoc Ridge 3–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Isle of Kjeligsted FC 0–1 1830 Cathair
Alistoun Academicals 0–2 Sobrevolante
AC Izotz Zubia 0–2 CdF Celtade
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–0 Bombarralense
AS Marcadia 1–0 KT Itzalovalle

Celtade do it again in the third round. Not content with bundling one of the National League’s top four out of the cup, they soundly defeat a patchwork AC Izotz Zubia to bound into the quarter finals.
Kirola Cup: Quarter Finals
Ceilerden Harp 0–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Burdoc Ridge 1–3 AS Marcadia
CdF Celtade 0–2 1830 Cathair
Sobrevolante 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi (1–2 AET)

CdF Celtade can’t quite make it three for three in matchups against the nation’s best, as Cathair turn them over on home soil thanks largely to a peerless performance from Espy va Drake. Elsewhere, the team formed by Espy’s compatriots are adding to their excellent breakout season by storming into the semi-finals ,overcoming Sobrevolante in extra time.
Kirola Cup: Semi Finals
1830 Cathair 2–3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–1 AS Marcadia

The Northern Marauders end any hope that Cathair had of salvaging a forgettable season via a last-minute winner from Dennis Våge, again the man in the right place at the right time. They will meet AS Marcadia in the final, who have been quietly overcoming a string of top-flight opposition to present themselves with the chance of a maiden major trophy.
Kirola Cup Final
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–1 AS Marcadia (1–2 AET)


Nicola Zadra’s last ditch heroics rescue Marcadia at the death, despite a spirited CSF performance. The first half of extra time sees Marcadia begin to assert their dominance on the game, and it’s converted to victory via Adonis Pizarro’s hundredth-minute strike. Marcadia, for so many years a club at the bottom of the top flight or at the top of the second division, win their first major silverware of their professional life.

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Sun Dec 15, 2019 6:43 pm

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Season 9


Ages are a little borked. Will fix for next time.

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1830 Cathair The Teatimers / The Elders
(Cathair, Central)

01. Fôrté Wínrôuge (35, AM C, FFD)
2. Valdemar Rasmussen (27, D/M RL, AUD)
3. Romain Capelle (33, D L, VLD)
4. Mario Valentini (30, DM C, AUD)
5. Ryan Gordon (41, D C, AUD)
6. Niko Szubanski (31, D C, BRE)
7. Hazel van Robben (33, M/F RLC, QUE)
8. Faeron Soldarian (650, DM C, VAL)
9. Pristina Shine (30, F C, EQS)
10. Espy va Drake (771, M/F RLC, VAL)
11. Rickson Marañón (25, AM LC, AUD)
12. Leona Rafford (28, D R, NPH)
13. Tucunduvá (32, G , DAI)
14. Thorsten Kramer (23, M/AM C, STL)
15. Torquil Robie (37, DM/M C, AUD)
16. John Lomax (28, D RC, AUD)
17. Ainsley Gibson (29, D L, AFT)
1+8. Zlatan Natividad (37, F C, AUD)
19. Puristina Shinra (24, M C, HIN)
20. Dean Sharp (30, F C, EUR)
22. Charlie Gordon (30, D LC, AUD)
23. Lachlan McKenna (35, G , AUD)
24. Diego Monroy (29, D LC, AUD)
25. Cooper Thompson (23, G , AUD)
Mng. Lee Sharp (67, F C, EUR)

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AC Izotz Zubia Zozi
(Izotzazubia , Herradura)

1. Gentle Breeze (31, G , EQS)
2. Inaki Villanueva (30, D RL, AUD)
3. Javi Esqueda (37, D RL, AUD)
4. Storm Holsen (30, DM C, AUD)
5. Ilatxi Altzibararechuluago (35, D C, AUD)
6. Robert Smith (41, D C, AUD)
7. Wilfried Baume (25, F C, VLD)
8. Tar Hunor (29, M C, PAS)
9. Ingþór Auðbjörnsson (29, F C, PAS)
10. Robert Jégou (32, M/F C, AUD)
11. Nicola Zadra (37, F C, AUD)
12. Leif Davidson (32, D R, AUD)
13. Branadru (30, G , DAI)
14. Laborious Hawk (911, AM C, VAL)
15. Laurentzi Urionaguena (30, M RC, AUD)
16. Christopher Ortegon (32, D L, AUD)
17. Alessandro Juliana (26, M CR, AUD)
18. Manolo Hernandez Jr. (35, M R, AUD)
19. Paul Calvez (29, F C, AUD)
20. Iaaki Gorostiaga (31, F C, AUD)
32. Powtapwinco Gonzalez (24, G , AUD)
99. Valrauncion (ELF, F RCL, KRY)
Mng. Patrick Courtois (42, D C, VLD)

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Artiglieria The Gunners
(Bolzana, Padia)

1. Uolleys (27, G , DAI)
2. Alessio Tornetta (32, D RL, AUD)
3. Leonardo Di Bari (33, D L, AUD)
4. Jordan Nancarrow (32, M C, BRE)
5. Francesco Azzaro (35, D C, AUD)
6. Michele Merlini (35, D C, AUD)
7. John Revelwer (26, M R, DUN)
8. Bruno Guridi (36, M/F RL, AUD)
9. Odis Panico (37, F C, AUD)
10. Menderchuk (28, F C, DAI)
11. Matt Branch (34, M CL, COS)
12. Francesco Fazio (35, M C, AUD)
13. Homer Bruzzese (29, G , AUD)
14. Kelly Caldarone (37, DM C, AUD)
15. Maximiliano Villavicencio (32, M/F C, AUD)
17. Eduardo De Valle (30, M LC, AUD)
20. Fedyenka Rudnitsky (35, M R, AUD)
21. Paolo Castellucci (31, AM LC, AUD)
24. Salvatore Cartelli (29, D R, AUD)
28. Giorgio Cavaliere (29, F C, AUD)
29. Filippo Bracco (28, F C, AUD)
Mng. Orson Faulkner (43, D RC, BRE)

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as marcadia I Marchetti
(Marcadia, Padia)

1. Jeremy Sedillo (46, G , AUD)
2. Otto Giovannucci (39, D RC, AUD)
3. Tobiasso Bagnato (39, D RL, AUD)
4. Nicolò Gioffre (32, M C, AUD)
6. Nicola Conetta (31, D C, AUD)
7. Simos Arvanitakis (17, AM RL, FHU)
8. Aloha (21, F C, DAI)
9. Caceres (31, F C, DAI)
10. Aranha (27, F C, DAI)
11. Corey Aonen (28, F C, VLZ)
12. Nicolò Casassa (35, DM C, AUD)
16. Hiro Fangio (36, M C, AUD)
18. Andrea Li Causi (36, D RC, AUD)
20. Salvatore Del Pozzo (30, AM LC, AUD)
23. Neal Denis (39, AM RL, AUD)
Mng. Claudio Redondo (69, D C, AUD)

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Burdoc Ridge Thistle
(Ceilerden, Central)

1. Liam McAdams (32, G , AUD)
2. Emili (33, D C, AUD)
3. Kieran Nielsen (34, D L, AUD)
4. William Carr (38, DM C, AUD)
5. Emmanuel Awuah (31, D C, SEM)
6. Kestryl Morejon (40, D C, AUD)
7. Jean Buchanan-McIntyre (37, M R, AUD)
8. Raadi Bowden (25, AM/F C, EFL)
9. Hannes Van den Hoek (30, F C, AUD)
10. Adam Logan (37, AM/F CL, AUD)
11. Umbro (28, F C, DAI)
12. Brodie Kronholm (29, M/F C, AUD)
14. Israel Murga (38, AM RC, AUD)
16. Osvald Johnsen (36, D/M R, AUD)
17. Bradford Manly (28, D/M RL, AUD)
18. Aidan Stuart (34, D C, AUD)
19. Brodie Maloney (33, AM R, AUD)
20. Rayford Good (27, M L, AUD)
22. Chick McKenzie (29, F C, AUD)
23. Carghan Vale (36, F C, AUD)
Mng. Coalan Bray (64, F C, AUD)

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Calcio Sicurezza Elfi The Northern Marauders
(Trentina, Padia)

1. Ibrahim Mathisen (30, G , VAL)
2. Young Sgroi (36, D R, AUD)
3. Christopher Peña (42, D RL, AUD)
5. Gustav Marinussen (30, D CR, VAL)
6. Fredrik Pettersen (21, D C, VAL)
9. Dennis Våge (24, F C, VAL)
11. Guillem Rodas (33, D/M L, AUD)
12. Agusteth Denisco (33, AM LC, AUD)
13. Adie Spencer (33, F RC, AUD)
14. Fredrik Skotnes (24, M RL, VAL)
15. Frits Versteeg (33, D C, AUD)
16. Leonardo Accomando (33, D C, AUD)
17. Davide Neri (34, M RL, AUD)
19. Ehoarn Le Tallec (32, AM RC, AUD)
20. Shannon Vanhof (39, D C, AUD)
21. Tyler Armstrong (33, G , AUD)
22. Alfie McGregor (33, F C, AUD)
23. Iker Lucena (33, M/F R, AUD)
24. Celtan Ansotegi (45, G , AUD)
Mng. Axel Tufte (49, , VAL)

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Cazadores Cathair Caza
(Cathair, Central)

1. Xabier Irungarai (33, G , AUD)
2. Sergio Belen (33, D R, AUD)
3. Matthew Ingold (32, D L, SCH)
4. Bryton Menheniot (23, DM C, APX)
5. Verghan Seghers-Verduzco (37, D C, AUD)
6. Vergan Peña (39, D C, AUD)
7. Ager Navascues (31, AM C, AUD)
8. Dane Pridgeon (19, M C, COS)
9. Julio Sokolov (41, F C, AUD)
10. Olimpia Vidal (24, F C, CMT)
11. Nestor Martinez (32, AM/F C, SJG)
13. Hardcheese (31, G , DAI)
14. Ashley Apaolaza (36, F CL, AUD)
15. Imanol Corallo (39, M RC, AUD)
16. Salvador Monterroso (22, D C, AUD)
17. Aurelio Saez (24, D L, AUD)
17. Francisco Elizalde (38, M LC, AUD)
18. Sonny Winter (30, D RC, AUD)
19. Ignacio Barbara (31, F C, AUD)
20. Elazar Lutegui (24, AM RC, AUD)
20. Randal Zepeda (36, M C, AUD)
Mng. Rook Cathar (46, F RLC, NPH)

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KT Itzalovalle Itzi
(Ferramendiak, Herradura)

1. Vianca (22, G , DAI)
2. Jirijii Januaa (36, D LC, VIL)
3. Francesc Perona (33, D RL, AUD)
4. Lutheromano Reigns (32, DM C, WSI)
5. Randell Arrizabalaga (32, D C, AUD)
6. Edgar Ambrose (35, D C, YTT)
7. Tori Apcutt (27, M R, BRE)
8. Balasi Barrenechea (34, AM RL, AUD)
9. August Thompson (26, F C, AUD)
10. Metan Cordean (30, M/AM C, COS)
11. Herschel Capurro-Carlos (36, M RL, AUD)
12. Billiam Heijmans (34, D C, AUD)
13. Jim Pedroso-Berrioategortua (34, M C, AUD)
14. Jody Zufiria (39, DM C, AUD)
15. Jane Glamorgan (33, D R, BRE)
16. Javier Gojenola (32, D C, AUD)
17. Axl Langager (30, D LC, AUD)
19. Sandro Quintal (25, F C, AUD)
20. Gordon Kellond (32, F C, BRE)
21. Jan Kuby (24, D C, AUD)
22. Brice Zarranz (31, D RC, AUD)
23. Mikolaus Muguruza (27, D C, AUD)
27. Arnoud Koolhaas (31, D C, AUD)
Mng. Ager Alaba (42, M C, ASG)

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KT Laranjauzia Luja
(Laranjauzia, Tzierra)

1. Iker Saucedo (29, G , AUD)
2. Kemen Arenaza (25, D R, AUD)
3. Fortun Ansotegi (29, D L, AUD)
4. Zorion Aranzibia (30, D/M C, AUD)
5. Txomin Lacouague (26, D LC, AUD)
5. Juan José Trinidad (31, D C, AUD)
7. Illan Bergara (30, AM R, AUD)
9. Gaizka Solagurenbeazkoa (29, F C, AUD)
10. Domeka Zabala (25, M/F CR, AUD)
11. Antton Asteinza (31, M LC, AUD)
12. Diego Parrilla (28, M L, AUD)
13. Iker Olibarri (31, D RL, AUD)
14. Matia Ouret (31, M/F RL, AUD)
15. Bardol Biain (25, D R, AUD)
16. Asentzio Berriex (29, D/M RC, AUD)
17. Kuiril Arambel (30, M L, AUD)
18. Gurutz Ezkarra (28, D C, AUD)
19. Ximen Agirre (28, AM C, AUD)
20. Álvaro Valdovinos (28, F C, AUD)
21. Satordi Bastida (27, F C, AUD)
23. Iaaki Sagues (25, DM C, AUD)
24. Asentzio Arizmendez (24, M R, AUD)
25. Ilari Oiharzabal (24, F C, AUD)
mng. Ramon Goicoechea (56, D C, AUD)

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KT Moreazerua Mozi
(Moreazerua, Herradura)

1. Santiago Dorantes (37, G , AUD)
2. Agustín Valenzuela (33, D R, AUD)
3. Alex Moralez (37, D LC, AUD)
4. Bennik Hreidarsson (31, DM C, SEM)
5. Andoni Zurutuza (33, M C, AUD)
6. Dieter Konoval (29, D C, NPH)
7. Kelvin Lisco (27, D/M R, SAR)
8. Marco van Ciavatinni (31, M/F CR, ESH)
9. Venâncio Paiva (27, F C, AUD)
10. Joan Nonhagatte (29, M C, FFD)
11. Rynyr-Pilta Jan (28, AM C, QUS)
13. Boualem Ghannouchi (26, D RC, AUD)
14. Rafael Borrego (28, D C, AUD)
15. Nerman (30, M/F L, IRN)
16. Arturo Solagurenbeazkoa (36, D/M RL, AUD)
17. Asaj Sotelo (34, M RC, COS)
18. Circe (23, F C, DAI)
21. Trevor Paraoan (18, AM/F C, FHU)
22. Jerquaad (21, D CR, DAI)
23. Pendergarst (33, G , DAI)
24. Asztrik Puskás (22, D L, AUD)
25. Ortzi Iarzagarai (23, M RC, AUD)
mng. Jouard Caceres (54, D C, AUD)

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Oljestaden IF Olga
(Oljestaden, Hyland)

1. Zebjan Istanjovich (38, G , SIC)
2. Morten Pshenichny (35, D R, PIS)
4. Tomas Kristofics (39, DM C, PIS)
5. Tomp McCloud (36, D L, COS)
6. Sebastiano Aretxaga (38, D RC, AUD)
7. Navarro lo Squadro (32, M R, FFD)
8. Tofer Kahlor (24, AM C, COS)
9. Kletus Tosset (22, F C, COS)
10. Funanya Nwapa (36, M C, COS)
11. Jack Churchfather (28, AM L, NPH)
12. Donato Castillo (21, G , EFL)
13. Marijn Poelmans (36, D RL, AUD)
14. Badminton (34, M C, DAI)
15. Vulav-Izilv Lec (16, DM C, QUS)
16. Caleb di Weit (32, F C, AUD)
17. Ernest De Keyser (39, D/M RC, AUD)
18. Clement Snijders (38, DM C, AUD)
19. Kyran Knudsen (22, AM L, AUD)
20. Gale Van Hoorn (34, F C, AUD)
21. Bohdan Melnikoff (36, F C, AUD)
23. Brady D'Etcheverry (38, AM CL, AUD)
24. Adriaan Martens (35, D/M L, AUD)
Mng. Ivan Haarstad (49, mng , PIS)

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Santa Margarida The Disciples
(Terravermelhada, Tortugal)

1. Lorenzo Vallejo (26, G , AUD)
2. Javier Duarte (31, D RL, AUD)
3. Alexandre Barbara (31, D/M RL, AUD)
4. Alan Diez (27, DM C, AUD)
5. Arthur Salaun (30, D RC, AUD)
6. Garai Basagoitia (32, D C, AUD)
7. Santiago Baeza (32, M R, AUD)
8. Cristòfor Sola (33, M C, AUD)
9. Gilbert King (39, F C, AUD)
10. Tomas Cayetano (30, M/F RC, AUD)
11. Waldemar (29, AM LC, AUD)
12. Ion De Bisschop (39, F C, AUD)
13. Thiago Vinas (22, AM L, AUD)
14. Barnabé Furtado (24, AM L, AUD)
15. Álvaro Olivar (28, D/M C, AUD)
16. Adão Monserrate (28, D C, AUD)
17. Kelmen Ugaldea (33, M R, AUD)
18. Reuben Kay (30, D R, AUD)
20. Akim Shimko (31, F C, AUD)
21. Eli Marmolejo (30, F C, AUD)
24. Cristiano Verissimo (24, DM C, AUD)
25. Santiago Chaparro (22, D/M LC, AUD)
Mng. Rami Levinsky (62, D R, AUD)

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Shamrock Cathair Shammers
(Cathair, Central)

1. Rusty McPherson (40, G , AUD)
2. Atsuhiro Miyazawa (23, D R, OSR)
3. Logan Osborn (25, D LC, AUD)
4. Jay Van Beuren (27, DM C, AUD)
5. Louis Snodgrass (32, D C, AUD)
6. John Snodgrass (32, D C, AUD)
7. Yohan Millar (24, M/F CR, EFL)
8. Carles Gorgas (27, AM C, AUD)
9. Coco Le Quellec (29, F C, AUD)
10. Alexander Crewe (30, F C, APX)
11. Rosewing (27, F C, EQS)
12. Derrick McLendon (24, D LC, AUD)
13. Bombidillyo (27, G , DAI)
14. Danira Plibersek (31, M C, NPH)
15. Lachlan Faulkner (30, D/M RL, AUD)
16. Samuel McCurdy (26, M RC, AUD)
17. Kian Wood (31, D RCL, AUD)
24. Behsht Ftooftpa (30, D L, AUD)
18. Kyle Maxfield (30, D RC, AUD)
19. Peter Burrell (25, M RC, AUD)
20. Osman Candelo (33, AM C, VLD)
21. Conrad Edmond (33, M C, AUD)
23. Anthony Napier (27, M LC, AUD)
26. Thomas McGregor (27, G , AUD)
Mng. Rohan Cammers (45, M C, APX)

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Silexhera FC The Academicals
(Silica City, Silexhera)

1. Luca Zanardi (29, G , AUD)
2. Ysaak (21, D CR, DAI)
3. Theo Kergoat (24, D L, AUD)
4. Vilhelm Bacarde (33, DM C, YTT)
5. Lewis Vaughan (28, D C, LTN)
6. Dewey Carmichael (37, D C, AUD)
7. William Blake (28, M C, LTN)
8. Baldo Gabbard (33, M C, YTT)
9. Robbie Latten (24, F C, AUD)
11. Dylan Yansway (39, M RL, AUD)
12. Ricardo Pace (28, D C, ETN)
13. Winfridh (33, G , DAI)
14. Tomas Guellec (25, AM RC, AUD)
15. Bernard Sterling (25, M C, AUD)
15. Estanche (34, M C, DAI)
16. Hamish Le Bris (32, D/M LC, AUD)
17. Oren Galvis (23, M RC, AUD)
18. Ryan Shearer (23, D C, AUD)
18. Ted Cal (36, M C, AUD)
20. John Bird (23, M/F C, AUD)
20. Murray Pickard (24, F C, AUD)
21. Jospeh Eldridge (24, M R, AUD)
Mng. Juan Juez (65, F C, AUD)

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Tout-Puissant Hasiera Les Sudistes
(Hasiera, Bas de la Sierra)

1. Louelle Ronquille (39, G , AUD)
2. Gioele Angelino (30, D RC, AUD)
3. Shane Stoppelbei (33, D L, YTT)
4. Jaume Picot (35, M LC, AUD)
5. Emmanuel Fontan (35, D C, AUD)
6. Jean-Michel Boiteux (32, M C, AUD)
7. Leonardo Bousquet (25, AM/F C, EFL)
9. Iaaki Lacouague (37, F C, AUD)
10. Louis O'Brien (31, F C, OSR)
11. Miquel Regal (36, M RL, AUD)
12. Marcus Herrier (37, F C, AUD)
13. Jildas Le Hénaff (29, D L, AUD)
15. Charles Beck (31, D/M LC, AUD)
16. Fayez Shaban (23, D LC, AUD)
17. Jaume Grau (26, M RL, AUD)
18. Noah Le Duff (33, DM C, AUD)
19. Francis Gourcuff (33, M C, AUD)
20. Quirijn Van Eijk (32, M LC, AUD)
21. Futuyna (28, G , DAI)
23. Clarence Robaina (30, D L, AUD)
Mng. Ari Mendea (70, M , AUD)
Team Titles (TNL Era)
1830 Cathair - 10 (1)
AC Izotz Zubia. - 9 (4)
Shamrock Cathair - 1 (1)
Cazadores Cathair - 1 (1)
KT Moreazerua - 1 (1)
Last edited by Audioslavia on Sun Dec 15, 2019 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Audioslavia
Game Moderator
 
Posts: 2584
Founded: Antiquity
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Sun Dec 15, 2019 6:58 pm

Matchday 1
The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 4–2 Silexhera FC
AS Marcadia 1–0 KT Itzalovalle
KT Laranjauzia 0–1 KT Moreazerua
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 5–3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Artiglieria 2–1 Shamrock Cathair

AC Izotz Zubia announce their intent with a thumping 4-2 win over Silexhera in which Laborious Hawk and Valrauncion score a brace each. Laranjauzia’s initiation into the big time ends with a credible performance but a home defeat to Moreazerua thanks to a goal from Nonhagatte.

Matchday 2
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–3 Artiglieria
KT Moreazerua 3–4 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
KT Itzalovalle 1–0 KT Laranjauzia
Silexhera FC 2–1 AS Marcadia
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 1830 Cathair

Last year’s runners-up 1830 Cathair kick the season off with a local derby against last season’s third-placed Cazadores. Lee Sharp’s first game in charge of the 10-time champions is a tense and scrappy encounter in which new signing Dean Sharp, son of Lee, scores the only goal to separate the two teams.
Laranjauzia lose their second local derby in a row, before the evening game has an exciting Calcio Sicurezza team lose their second hum-dinger in a week. There have been thirteen goals in their only two games so far.

Matchday 3
Burdoc Ridge 0–0 Cazadores Cathair
KT Laranjauzia 2–1 Silexhera FC
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
Artiglieria 1–1 KT Moreazerua
Shamrock Cathair 2–4 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi

Sicurezza finally win and take their record to nineteen goals scored by both sides in their three matches, while Laranhauzia score a hard-earned victory over Silexhera, with Domeka Zabala and Gaizka scoring the goals.
On a week with neither Cathair nor Zozi performing, the main event is Tout-Puissant Hasiera’s visit of KT Itzalovalle. Two sides noted for their defensive football provide a quiet game in which Metan Cordean scores the only goal.

Matchday 4
KT Moreazerua 3–1 Shamrock Cathair
KT Itzalovalle 0–1 Artiglieria
Silexhera FC 2–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Cazadores Cathair 1–1 Oljestaden IF
1830 Cathair 1–1 Burdoc Ridge

Sharp’s Cathair are booed off at full time as they fail to get all three points against Burdoc Ridge, with Raadi Bowden netting a late equaliser to punish a wasteful Elders side. The next day, Cazadores fail to beat Oljestaden in similar circumstances, with Pridgeon, Sokolov and Vidal all wasteful in front of goal and Brady D’Etcheverry popping up at the last to seal a point for the visitors.
The marquee game sees Mozi thrash Shamrock by three goals to one, with Nonhagatte pulling the strings in midfield and Konoval, Jan and Lisco netting the goals for the men in purple.

Matchday 5
Oljestaden IF 1–1 1830 Cathair
Santa Margarida 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Artiglieria 2–1 Silexhera FC
Shamrock Cathair 3–1 KT Itzalovalle
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 4–1 KT Moreazerua

There’s more frustration for Cathair as they fail to take the three points yet again, this time with Oljestaden the spoilers, taking a one-goal lead through Nwapa only to be pegged back by a late strike from Winròuge. Cross-town rivals Cazadores and Shamrock have an easier time of it, with Cazadores ruining Santa Margarida’s ‘first game in the top division’ party and Shamrock running riot against Itzalovalle.

Matchday 6
KT Itzalovalle 2–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Silexhera FC 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
1830 Cathair 3–3 Santa Margarida
Burdoc Ridge 4–3 Oljestaden IF

Santa Margarida’s first game in the top flight may have been a disappointment, but there’s cause for celebration on their first visit to the capital as they come back from a goal down three times to gain a credible point from the Kirola Arena. Shamrock defeat Silexhera, but there’s disappointment in the western quarter of the capital as Cazadores lose out to Izotz Zubia thanks to a solitary header from Laborious Hawk

Matchday 7
Santa Margarida 1–1 Burdoc Ridge
AC Izotz Zubia 0–0 1830 Cathair
AS Marcadia 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–2 Silexhera FC
KT Moreazerua 3–0 KT Itzalovalle

Santa Margarida get another point, holding Thistle at home, while Mozi take a big derby win at home to Itzalovalle, with Nerman, Nonhagatte and Hreidarsson all on the scoresheet.

The big match of the weekend is, of course, AC Izotz Zubia versus 1830 Cathair. The Derby of Audioslavia ends goal-less. It’s perhaps the worst one in living memory and confines Cathair to a run of four games without a win.

Matchday 8
Silexhera FC 2–2 KT Moreazerua
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 KT Laranjauzia
1830 Cathair 1–3 AS Marcadia
Burdoc Ridge 3–6 AC Izotz Zubia
Oljestaden IF 2–3 Santa Margarida

Four becomes five as Cathair slump to an embarassing home defeat at AS Marcadia, who by now are well ahead of Cathair in the table despite playing two fewer games. Pressure mounts on new manager Lee Sharp, whose team are struggling in the early going.

Holders Zozi continue to go from strength to strength, smashing Burdoc Ridge by six goals to three in a ludicrous game at the Jaffacake Stadium

Matchday 9
The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 4–3 Oljestaden IF
AS Marcadia 2–0 Burdoc Ridge
KT Laranjauzia 2–3 1830 Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–3 Cazadores Cathair
KT Itzalovalle 0–1 Silexhera FC

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 5 4 1 0 15 8 +7 13
2 Artiglieria 5 4 1 0 9 5 +4 13
3 Silexhera FC 9 4 1 4 13 14 −1 13
4 KT Moreazerua 7 3 2 2 14 12 +2 11
5 AS Marcadia 5 3 1 1 8 4 +4 10
6 1830 Cathair 7 2 4 1 10 10 0 10
7 Cazadores Cathair 8 2 3 3 6 6 0 9
8 KT Itzalovalle 8 3 0 5 5 10 −5 9
9 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 6 2 0 4 15 15 0 6
10 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 5 2 0 3 11 12 −1 6
11 KT Laranjauzia 5 2 0 3 5 6 −1 6
12 Shamrock Cathair 5 2 0 3 8 10 −2 6
13 Burdoc Ridge 6 1 3 2 9 13 −4 6
14 Santa Margarida 4 1 2 1 7 7 0 5
15 Oljestaden IF 5 0 2 3 10 13 −3 2


Under-fire Lee Sharp gets little respite from his critics as his side labour to victory over Laranjauzia for only their second win of the season. At the top of the table, Zozi twice come back from two goals down to snatch victory from a game Oljestaden who remain rooted to the bottom with zero wins from five.

The surprise package thus far is Artiglieria, whose midfield duo of Matt Branch and Jordan Nancarrow have been formidable. Despite not playing on matchday nine, Artiglieria remain second ahead of Silexhera, who are the only team to have played on every matchday so far.



Matchday 10
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 Artiglieria
1830 Cathair 2–3 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Burdoc Ridge 0–0 KT Laranjauzia
Oljestaden IF 5–4 AS Marcadia
Santa Margarida 2–3 AC Izotz Zubia

1830 Cathair’s Euran contingent bear the brunt of the home side’s abuse as they fall 3-2 to a very ordinary Tout-Puissant Hasiera side, who crush a Cathair fightback from two goals down to steal the game at the death through Iaaki Lacouague’s long range strike. Cathair, with only two wins from eight games, are in terrible form and all signs point to Lee Sharp being let go if he can’t find turn things around quickly. Fortunately for him, his side don’t have any long breaks coming up wherein the owners might seek to make a change. It’s understood that he has until the halfway stage to sort his team out.

Elsewhere, Zozi continue their fine form, defeating a spirited Santa Margarida away thanks to goals from Nicola Zadra and Ingþór Auðbjörnsson. Artiglieria continue to chase at the top, scoring an impressive victory over Cazadores from a Menderchuk penalty, whereas the game of the day is a nine-goal barnstormer that finally sees Oljestaden get something in the W column.

Matchday 11
AS Marcadia 4–5 Santa Margarida
KT Laranjauzia 1–1 Oljestaden IF
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–1 Burdoc Ridge
Artiglieria 1–4 1830 Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 2–2 Cazadores Cathair

Artiglieria’s winning run is halted with interest by Cathair, whose new-look lineup includes Puristina Shinra and Zlatan Natividad leading the line up front. Both get on the scoresheet in the 4-1 away win.

AS Marcadia lose 5-4 for the second week in a row, so their fans are getting their money’s worth, at least, while Oljestaden manage to put another point on the board, so good for them.

The marquee match this week is the ‘other’ Cathair derby between Cazadores and Shamrock. Neither side have got a handle on this season yet and it shows in a scrappy encounter. Rook Cathar’s Cazadores twice take the lead through Olimpia Vidal, but are reduced to 10 and then 9 men as first Nestor Martinez and then Matthew Ingold are sent from the field for repeated fouling. Shamrock barely manage to make a dent in 9-man Cathair, but do manage to get a share of the points in the last minute via a disastrous clearance attempt from Sergio Belen who, in trying to hook a waist-high ball clear of his own six yard box, only succeds in booting the ball into his own face and falling over as it rebounds into the bottom corner.

Matchday 12
Cazadores Cathair 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
1830 Cathair 2–0 Shamrock Cathair
Burdoc Ridge 4–2 Artiglieria
Oljestaden IF 0–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Santa Margarida 5–3 KT Laranjauzia
AC Izotz Zubia 4–3 AS Marcadia

Shamrock are woefully ineffective in their second derby of the week, tamely giving up all three points to a rejuvenated 1830 Cathair team, for whom Rickson Marañón is on top form, creating one goal and scoring the other. AC Izotz Zubia continue their pattern of win one week, take the next week off, beating an AS Marcadia team that has a thing for narrow yet high-scoring defeats.

At the bottom, Santa Margarida take victory over fellow newcomers KT Laranjauzia.

Matchday 13
KT Laranjauzia 1–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–3 Santa Margarida
Artiglieria 3–3 Oljestaden IF
Shamrock Cathair 3–3 Burdoc Ridge
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 3–3 1830 Cathair
KT Moreazerua 1–1 Cazadores Cathair

Cathair’s comeback is halted in its tracks by a CSE side that simply refuse to lose, coming back from two goals and then one goal down to take a point from Cathair’s visit, before Saturday evening’s game sees Zozi similarly drop points away to Laranjauzia.

On a weekend of six and two goal draws, Santa Margarida are the only club to take a win, beating a TPH side that continue to blow hot and cold.

Matchday 14
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
1830 Cathair 2–0 KT Moreazerua
Burdoc Ridge 4–3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Oljestaden IF 0–0 Shamrock Cathair
Santa Margarida 2–2 Artiglieria
AC Izotz Zubia 1–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
AS Marcadia 1–0 KT Laranjauzia

Cathair bounce back to boss their game with Moreazerua while Zozi again struggle to break down a resolute defence marshalled by national team player Jean-Michel Boiteux.

Matchday 15
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–2 AS Marcadia
Artiglieria 3–5 AC Izotz Zubia
Shamrock Cathair 1–0 Santa Margarida
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–3 Oljestaden IF
KT Moreazerua 1–1 Burdoc Ridge
KT Itzalovalle 1–2 1830 Cathair
Silexhera FC 0–2 Cazadores Cathair

It’s a good day for the capital as all its teams win, 1830 the most impressive as they defeat a typically stingy Itzalovalle side, scoring goals through Torquil Robie and Pristina Shine, now back in the first time at the expense of near-namesake Shinra.


Matchday 16
1830 Cathair 1–0 Silexhera FC
Burdoc Ridge 4–0 KT Itzalovalle
Oljestaden IF 2–2 KT Moreazerua
Santa Margarida 2–5 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
AC Izotz Zubia 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
AS Marcadia 2–1 Artiglieria
KT Laranjauzia 2–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera

Another good day for Cathair, with both teams winning and Cazadores having a much needed rest weekend. Shamrock’s away win over AC Izotz Zubia, their only goal coming from new signing Rosewing, is something of a shock, putting pressure on Patrick Courtois to put things right.

Matchday 17
Artiglieria 2–1 KT Laranjauzia
Shamrock Cathair 0–1 AS Marcadia
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 AC Izotz Zubia
KT Moreazerua 3–0 Santa Margarida
KT Itzalovalle 1–2 Oljestaden IF
Silexhera FC 2–2 Burdoc Ridge

Things are not yet right. Two defeats from two keeps Zozi two points behind Cathair at the top, who have played two more games than their cross-country rivals.

Matchday 18
Oljestaden IF 1–2 Silexhera FC
Santa Margarida 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
AC Izotz Zubia 4–3 KT Moreazerua
AS Marcadia 0–4 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
KT Laranjauzia 0–2 Shamrock Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 4–1 Artiglieria

Zozi steal a pulsating derby right at the end, converting a 1-3 deficit into a 4-3 win over the final fifteen minutes so leapfrog Cathair at the top of the league with only game left to play.

Matchday 19
Shamrock Cathair 1–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 0–3 KT Laranjauzia
KT Moreazerua 2–4 AS Marcadia
KT Itzalovalle 0–0 AC Izotz Zubia
Silexhera FC 1–0 Santa Margarida

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 14 8 4 2 34 24 +10 28
2 1830 Cathair 14 7 5 2 26 18 +8 26
3 AS Marcadia 14 8 1 5 29 26 +3 25
4 Burdoc Ridge 14 5 7 2 28 24 +4 22
5 Shamrock Cathair 14 6 3 5 18 18 0 21
6 Artiglieria 14 6 3 5 25 30 −5 21
7 Silexhera FC 14 6 2 6 18 20 −2 20
8 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 14 5 2 7 35 32 +3 17
9 KT Moreazerua 14 4 5 5 26 26 0 17
10 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 14 5 2 7 24 25 −1 17
11 KT Itzalovalle 14 5 1 8 9 18 −9 16
12 Cazadores Cathair 14 3 6 5 12 12 0 15
13 Oljestaden IF 14 3 6 5 27 29 −2 15
14 Santa Margarida 14 4 3 7 26 31 −5 15
15 KT Laranjauzia 14 3 4 7 16 20 −4 13


There are only two Champions’ Cup spots available to Audioslavian teams this season, and it’ll come as no surprise at all that Zozi and Cathair are the two teams occupying those spots at the halfway stage.

Below, Marcadia and Burdoc Ridge surely couldn’t have expected to be in the top four at the start of the season, but here they both are.

With three wins over the course of fourteen games, Cazadores Cathair are in big trouble. Caza, supposedly Audioslavia’s best team according to the UICA rankings (at time of writing), sit in twelfth place with just three wins from fourteen games thus far.
Matchday 20
Silexhera FC 1–1 AC Izotz Zubia
KT Itzalovalle 4–1 AS Marcadia
KT Moreazerua 1–0 KT Laranjauzia
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Shamrock Cathair 1–0 Artiglieria

With Cathair having the weekend off, AS Marcadia have the chance to leap up to second place, a point behind Zozi who labour to a draw in Saturday’s early kickoff. Marcadia emphatically do not seize their chance. Struggling Itzalovalle run riot, with Metan Cordean the hero.

Elsewhere, Moreazerua overcome stricken Larajauzia to propel themselves further towards the top five.


Matchday 21
Artiglieria 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–2 KT Moreazerua
KT Laranjauzia 0–0 KT Itzalovalle
AS Marcadia 1–2 Silexhera FC
1830 Cathair 2–1 Cazadores Cathair

1830 Cathair’s victory in the Cathair Derby on Sunday puts Audioslavia’s most famous club back at the top of the table, with Zozi out of action. AS Marcadia continue to fall off the pace, losing in the dying seconds to Silexhera FC via Daineri full-back Ysaak’s far-post diving header.

Matchday 22
Cazadores Cathair 1–1 Burdoc Ridge
Silexhera FC 0–0 KT Laranjauzia
KT Itzalovalle 1–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
KT Moreazerua 4–3 Artiglieria
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–2 Shamrock Cathair

Shamrock continue to make quiet progress, if ‘quiet’ is the right word. Manager Rohan Cammers celebrates Alexander Crewe’s winner by playfully garotting the team’s physio with his tie, resulting in the home side’s physio begrudgingly helping to resuscitate the stricken medic.

Matchday 23
Shamrock Cathair 2–3 KT Moreazerua
Artiglieria 1–4 KT Itzalovalle
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–0 Silexhera FC
Oljestaden IF 2–4 Cazadores Cathair
Burdoc Ridge 1–0 1830 Cathair

Burdoc Ridge are still keeping pace at the top, and an upset home victory over leaders Cathair means the league is still wide open, despite challengers Shamrock being overcome by a Moreazerua team blowing hot and cold this season.

Matchday 24
1830 Cathair 3–0 Oljestaden IF
Cazadores Cathair 0–1 Santa Margarida
Silexhera FC 1–1 Artiglieria
KT Itzalovalle 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
KT Moreazerua 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi

Cathair are back to winning ways via thumping victory over Oljestaden, with Zlatan Natividad twice on the scoresheet. Shamrock keep pace, sneaking another victory via Crewe’s keen eye for goal.

Matchday 25
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–0 KT Itzalovalle
Shamrock Cathair 3–0 Silexhera FC
AC Izotz Zubia 3–1 Cazadores Cathair
Santa Margarida 0–4 1830 Cathair
Oljestaden IF 1–0 Burdoc Ridge

Zozi, Shamrock and Cathair take convincing victories on the twenty-fifth matchday, and its these three who look most likely to make a serious title challenge going into the tail end of the season.

Zozi, champions in three out of the last four seasons, have two games in hand over their rivals with a similar amount of points. 1830 Cathair haven’t been national champions since Season 3, and have had to watch both their city rivals Shamrock and Cazadores take the titles in the intervening years. The side are desperate for the nation’s biggest prize.

Matchday 26
Burdoc Ridge 0–1 Santa Margarida
1830 Cathair 2–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 AS Marcadia
Silexhera FC 2–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
KT Itzalovalle 0–1 KT Moreazerua

A sterling Cathair performance puts their biggest rivals to the sword in the Derby of Audioslavia, with Pristina Shine and near-namesake Puristina Shinra on target for the capital club either side of Laborious Hawk’s headed response.

Cathair’s lead at the top is far from insurmountable, with Zozi still maintaining two games in hand, but it’s certainly the Teatimers who are in the ascendency.

The Globe Cup spots could still go to anyone at this stage, while at the bottom Laranjauzia are in danger of dropping completely off the pace, despite their game(s) in hand on their relegation rivals.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 19 11 5 3 37 21 +16 38
2 Shamrock Cathair 19 10 3 6 27 22 +5 33
3 AC Izotz Zubia 17 9 5 3 39 28 +11 32
4 KT Moreazerua 20 8 7 5 38 34 +4 31
5 Silexhera FC 21 8 5 8 24 29 −5 29
6 Burdoc Ridge 18 6 8 4 30 27 +3 26
7 KT Itzalovalle 21 8 2 11 18 24 −6 26
8 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 20 7 4 9 43 39 +4 25
9 AS Marcadia 17 8 1 8 31 33 −2 25
10 Artiglieria 19 6 5 8 31 41 −10 23
11 Cazadores Cathair 20 5 7 8 20 21 −1 22
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 18 6 3 9 29 30 −1 21
13 Santa Margarida 17 6 3 8 28 35 −7 21
14 Oljestaden IF 17 4 6 7 30 36 −6 18
15 KT Laranjauzia 17 3 6 8 16 21 −5 15
Matchday 27
KT Moreazerua 1–0 Silexhera FC
KT Laranjauzia 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
AS Marcadia 3–5 1830 Cathair
AC Izotz Zubia 3–2 Burdoc Ridge
Santa Margarida 1–2 Oljestaden IF

AS Marcadia’s three goals flatter the eastern outfit as Cathair over-run them with five first-half goals, scored through Shine, va Drake, van Robben, Szubanski and Lomax. Zozi keep the pace, but twice fall behind in defeating Burdoc Ridge and are showing signs that the pressure is starting to get to them.

At the bottom, Oljestaden’s away victory over Santa Margarida is an incredibly important one that takes them out of the automatic relegation places.

Matchday 28
Oljestaden IF 3–3 AC Izotz Zubia
Burdoc Ridge 0–3 AS Marcadia
1830 Cathair 3–1 KT Laranjauzia
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Silexhera FC 0–0 KT Itzalovalle

With Zozi having lost a 3-1 lead away to Oljestaden to drop two points to the northern strugglers, Cathair seize the oportunity to put daylight between themselves and their cross-country rivals, sweeping past bottom side Laranjauzia at a canter.

As manager Lee Sharp attests, it is Cathair’s to lose right now. The side are eight points clear of second and charging towards another domestic title.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 21 13 5 3 45 25 +20 44
2 AC Izotz Zubia 19 10 6 3 45 33 +12 36
3 KT Moreazerua 21 9 7 5 39 34 +5 34
4 Shamrock Cathair 19 10 3 6 27 22 +5 33
5 Silexhera FC 23 8 6 9 24 30 −6 30
6 AS Marcadia 19 9 1 9 37 38 −1 28
7 KT Itzalovalle 22 8 3 11 18 24 −6 27
8 Cazadores Cathair 22 6 8 8 23 22 +1 26
9 Burdoc Ridge 20 6 8 6 32 33 −1 26
10 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 20 7 4 9 43 39 +4 25
11 Artiglieria 19 6 5 8 31 41 −10 23
12 Oljestaden IF 19 5 7 7 35 40 −5 22
13 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 19 6 3 10 29 32 −3 21
14 Santa Margarida 18 6 3 9 29 37 −8 21
15 KT Laranjauzia 19 3 7 9 18 25 −7 16
Matchday 29
The National League
Artiglieria 3–0 Cazadores Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–2 1830 Cathair
KT Laranjauzia 1–1 Burdoc Ridge
AS Marcadia 2–3 Oljestaden IF
AC Izotz Zubia 4–1 Santa Margarida

Zozi and Cathair both take victories on Matchday 29, with Zozi showing they do have resolve by performing well in Monday night’s matchup.

Matchday 30
The National League
Santa Margarida 1–0 AS Marcadia
Oljestaden IF 0–1 KT Laranjauzia
Burdoc Ridge 2–4 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
1830 Cathair 2–5 Artiglieria
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 Shamrock Cathair

Well where on earth did that come from. One goal up after three minutes, Cathair switch off and are humiliated for it, with an attack-minded Artiglieria refusing to relinquish the pressure despite going 2, 3 and then 4 goals up before the hour. Cathair manage a solitary penalty - and a dubious one at that - in reply.

The Teatimers remain eight points to the good with regards to their main rivals, but Zozi’s three games in hand mean their fate is technically not in their hands.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 23 14 5 4 49 31 +18 47
2 AC Izotz Zubia 20 11 6 3 49 34 +15 39
3 KT Moreazerua 21 9 7 5 39 34 +5 34
4 Shamrock Cathair 20 10 3 7 27 23 +4 33
5 Silexhera FC 23 8 6 9 24 30 −6 30
6 Cazadores Cathair 24 7 8 9 24 25 −1 29
7 Artiglieria 21 8 5 8 39 43 −4 29
8 AS Marcadia 21 9 1 11 39 42 −3 28
9 Burdoc Ridge 22 6 9 7 35 38 −3 27
10 KT Itzalovalle 22 8 3 11 18 24 −6 27
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 20 7 4 9 43 39 +4 25
12 Oljestaden IF 21 6 7 8 38 43 −5 25
13 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 21 7 3 11 34 36 −2 24
14 Santa Margarida 20 7 3 10 31 41 −10 24
15 KT Laranjauzia 21 4 8 9 20 26 −6 20
Matchday 31
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–3 Cazadores Cathair
Shamrock Cathair 1–2 1830 Cathair
Artiglieria 3–1 Burdoc Ridge
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–1 Oljestaden IF
KT Laranjauzia 3–0 Santa Margarida
AS Marcadia 0–2 AC Izotz Zubia

A fracturous Cathair derby on Saturday afternoon ends with 1830 hanging on for dear life to take all three points - a result that all but ends Shamrock’s shrunken ambitions of a title challenge. Cathair go to 50 points, but Zozi keep the pressure on with victory away to Marcadia.

At the bottom, Laranjauzia aren’t out of it yet, scunnering fellow relegation candidates Santa Margarida by four goals to nil to stay just about in touch with the pack.

Matchday 32
The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 3–1 KT Laranjauzia
Santa Margarida 0–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Oljestaden IF 1–1 Artiglieria
Burdoc Ridge 1–3 Shamrock Cathair
1830 Cathair 5–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Cazadores Cathair 2–1 KT Moreazerua

Another 5-2 result, this time in Cathair’s favour, matches Zozi’s 3-1 Saturday lunchtime vitory over Laranjauzia. Cathair, with three games to go, simply cannot shake their rivals.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 25 16 5 4 56 34 +22 53
2 AC Izotz Zubia 22 13 6 3 54 35 +19 45
3 Shamrock Cathair 22 11 3 8 31 26 +5 36
4 Cazadores Cathair 26 9 8 9 29 28 +1 35
5 KT Moreazerua 22 9 7 6 40 36 +4 34
6 Artiglieria 23 9 6 8 43 45 −2 33
7 Silexhera FC 23 8 6 9 24 30 −6 30
8 AS Marcadia 22 9 1 12 39 44 −5 28
9 Oljestaden IF 23 6 9 8 40 45 −5 27
10 KT Itzalovalle 22 8 3 11 18 24 −6 27
11 Burdoc Ridge 24 6 9 9 37 44 −7 27
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 23 7 5 11 35 37 −2 26
13 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 22 7 4 11 47 47 0 25
14 Santa Margarida 22 7 4 11 31 44 −13 25
15 KT Laranjauzia 23 5 8 10 24 29 −5 23
Matchday 33
KT Itzalovalle 2–3 Cazadores Cathair
KT Moreazerua 1–2 1830 Cathair
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 3–2 Burdoc Ridge
Shamrock Cathair 2–2 Oljestaden IF
Artiglieria 1–1 Santa Margarida
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–2 AC Izotz Zubia
KT Laranjauzia 1–2 AS Marcadia

Disaster for Zozi. Louis O’Brien’s last-gasp equaliser denies the reigning champions two points and gives Cathair some much-needed daylight at the top after the capital club’s 2-1 win over Moreazerua, who remain in mid-table pergatory.

Matchday 34
AS Marcadia 2–2 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
AC Izotz Zubia 3–1 Artiglieria
Santa Margarida 0–2 Shamrock Cathair
Oljestaden IF 3–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Burdoc Ridge 1–3 KT Moreazerua
1830 Cathair 0–2 KT Itzalovalle
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 Silexhera FC

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 27 17 5 5 58 37 +21 56
2 AC Izotz Zubia 24 14 7 3 59 38 +21 49
3 Cazadores Cathair 28 11 8 9 33 30 +3 41
4 Shamrock Cathair 24 12 4 8 35 28 +7 40
5 KT Moreazerua 24 10 7 7 44 39 +5 37
6 Artiglieria 25 9 7 9 45 49 −4 34
7 AS Marcadia 24 10 2 12 43 47 −4 32
8 Oljestaden IF 25 7 10 8 45 49 −4 31
9 KT Itzalovalle 24 9 3 12 22 27 −5 30
10 Silexhera FC 24 8 6 10 24 31 −7 30
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 24 8 4 12 52 52 0 28
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 25 7 7 11 39 41 −2 28
13 Burdoc Ridge 26 6 9 11 40 50 −10 27
14 Santa Margarida 24 7 5 12 32 47 −15 26
15 KT Laranjauzia 24 5 8 11 25 31 −6 23
Whatever Zozi can do, Cathair can do worse. The Teatimers are upset at home once again, allowing Zozi to make up ground.

Below them, Cazadores Cathair are eight points behind in third, but with one caveat - the side have now played every single one of their league games this season, with many of the other teams still with four to play.

At the top, Cathair’s final game will come next week, away to Slexhera.

Matchday 35
The National League
Silexhera FC 0–1 1830 Cathair
KT Itzalovalle 1–0 Burdoc Ridge
KT Moreazerua 3–1 Oljestaden IF
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 4–4 Santa Margarida
Shamrock Cathair 3–4 AC Izotz Zubia
Artiglieria 2–2 AS Marcadia
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–1 KT Laranjauzia

Shamrock looked good for defending their 3-2 lead with only minutes left on the clock against AC Izotz Zubia, yet contrived to lose to two very soft goals in the game’s dying moments. Typical kamikaze Shamrogue football? A concerted attempt to give Zozi every help they need in overtaking Shamrock’s arch rivals? That’s for others to decide. Either way, 1830 Cathair’s season is over. With the side out of all cup competitions too, the players are given two week’s holiday to get away from the Audioslavian football goldfish bowl.

All eyes turn to AC Izotz Zubia, seven points behind with three matches left to play. Two wins and a draw is the minimum Zozi need in order to win a fourth title in five years and to deny their great rivals a league title.

Matchday 36
The National League
KT Laranjauzia 0–2 Artiglieria
AS Marcadia 0–3 Shamrock Cathair
AC Izotz Zubia 1–0 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Santa Margarida 0–1 KT Moreazerua
Oljestaden IF 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
Burdoc Ridge 3–2 Silexhera FC

An assured performance in Izotzazubia gives Zozi three points and completes one third of their task, with Cathair’s fans and players almost unable to watch, helplessly.

Cross-city rivals Cazadores are in the same boat, having finished their season already. Caza lie in fifth, the final Globe Cup position, and are watching intently as Artiglieria and Itzalovalle make a final push.

Above them, Mozi and Shamrock are assured berths in the Globe Cup next season.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 28 18 5 5 59 37 +22 59
2 AC Izotz Zubia 26 16 7 3 64 41 +23 55
3 Shamrock Cathair 26 13 4 9 41 32 +9 43
4 KT Moreazerua 26 12 7 7 48 40 +8 43
5 Cazadores Cathair 28 11 8 9 33 30 +3 41
6 Artiglieria 27 10 8 9 49 51 −2 38
7 KT Itzalovalle 26 11 3 12 24 27 −3 36
8 AS Marcadia 26 10 3 13 45 52 −7 33
9 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 26 8 7 11 41 42 −1 31
10 Oljestaden IF 27 7 10 10 46 53 −7 31
11 Silexhera FC 26 8 6 12 26 35 −9 30
12 Burdoc Ridge 28 7 9 12 43 53 −10 30
13 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 26 8 5 13 56 57 −1 29
14 Santa Margarida 26 7 6 13 36 52 −16 27
15 KT Laranjauzia 26 5 8 13 26 35 −9 23
Matchday 37
Silexhera FC 1–4 Oljestaden IF
KT Itzalovalle 2–0 Santa Margarida
KT Moreazerua 3–5 AC Izotz Zubia
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 0–0 AS Marcadia
Shamrock Cathair 2–2 KT Laranjauzia
Artiglieria 3–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera

Two down, one to go. AC Izotz Zubia smash five past Moreazerua, who twice take the lead during a frantic first half but are eventually undone by the mastery of Hawk and the goalscoring prowess of Auðbjörnsson. One game to go: A draw with Itzalovalle will be enough.

Such a draw, along with giving Zozi the title, would cement Cazadores as the final Globe Cup team.
Elsewhere, Shamrock relegate Laranjauzia via a two-all draw.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 28 18 5 5 59 37 +22 59
2 AC Izotz Zubia 27 17 7 3 69 44 +25 58
3 Shamrock Cathair 27 13 5 9 43 34 +9 44
4 KT Moreazerua 27 12 7 8 51 45 +6 43
5 Cazadores Cathair 28 11 8 9 33 30 +3 41
6 Artiglieria 28 11 8 9 52 52 0 41
7 KT Itzalovalle 27 12 3 12 26 27 −1 39
8 Oljestaden IF 28 8 10 10 50 54 −4 34
9 AS Marcadia 27 10 4 13 45 52 −7 34
10 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 27 8 7 12 42 45 −3 31
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 27 8 6 13 56 57 −1 30
12 Burdoc Ridge 28 7 9 12 43 53 −10 30
13 Silexhera FC 27 8 6 13 27 39 −12 30
14 Santa Margarida 27 7 6 14 36 54 −18 27
15 KT Laranjauzia 27 5 9 13 28 37 −9 24


Matchday 38
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
KT Laranjauzia 5–2 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
AS Marcadia 2–1 KT Moreazerua
AC Izotz Zubia 1–2 KT Itzalovalle
Santa Margarida 1–0 Silexhera FC

All they had to do was draw. All they had to do. AC Izotz Zubia throw the league away in front of their own supporters, gifting their greatest rivals the league title and losing to their nearest local rivals. A sickener. Tori Apcutt is the unlikely hero for Itzalovalle, creating both the goals that sent Itzi back to the Globe Cup.

At the final whistle, manager Patrick Courtois humbly applauds the opposition and his own supporters, and is royally booed for his troubles.

At the bottom, Santa Margarida’s 1-0 win over Silexhera isn’t enough to secure safety. They are demoted to National League Two alongside Laranzauzia, who pick up only their sixth win of the season on the final day, destroying a Calcio Sircurezza Elfi team who already had one eye on their summer holidays.

Also at the bottom, Burdoc Ridge will play in the relegation playoff for the second consecutive season.

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 28 18 5 5 59 37 +22 59 CC
2 AC Izotz Zubia 28 17 7 4 70 46 +24 58 CC
3 Shamrock Cathair 28 14 5 9 44 34 +10 47 GC
4 KT Moreazerua 28 12 7 9 52 47 +5 43 GC
5 KT Itzalovalle 28 13 3 12 28 28 0 42 GC
6 Cazadores Cathair 28 11 8 9 33 30 +3 41
7 Artiglieria 28 11 8 9 52 52 0 41
8 AS Marcadia 28 11 4 13 47 53 −6 37
9 Oljestaden IF 28 8 10 10 50 54 −4 34
10 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 8 7 13 42 46 −4 31
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 28 8 6 14 58 62 −4 30
12 Burdoc Ridge 28 7 9 12 43 53 −10 30 Relegation Playoff
13 Silexhera FC 28 8 6 14 27 40 −13 30 Relegation Playoff
14 Santa Margarida 28 8 6 14 37 54 −17 30 Relegated
15 KT Laranjauzia 28 6 9 13 33 39 −6 27 Relegated


Image

National League Two
National Two              Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Bombarralense 38 17 12 9 70 58 +12 63 Promoted
2 Tenth Star Hasiera 38 18 8 12 67 59 +8 62 Promoted
3 KT Koroatuz 38 17 10 11 51 41 +10 61 Promotion Playoff
4 Sobrevolante 38 17 9 12 69 59 +10 60 Promotion Playoff
5 CF Herradores 38 16 11 11 65 52 +13 59
6 Eletti Valligiani 38 16 11 11 40 34 +6 59
7 CdF Celtade 38 17 8 13 60 58 +2 59
8 Excelsior Zijweg 38 16 9 13 65 60 +5 57
9 Iron Brewery 38 15 11 12 66 62 +4 56
10 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 38 14 10 14 61 60 +1 52
11 The Oran 38 15 7 16 56 58 −2 52
12 Uniao Tortuguita 38 13 13 12 61 64 −3 52
13 Necromarinai 38 13 9 16 82 83 −1 48
14 KT Ferramendiak 38 13 8 17 51 57 −6 47
15 Viking Halehavn 38 10 16 12 53 61 −8 46
16 Laranjeiras 38 12 9 17 49 50 −1 45
17 United Cathair FC 38 11 9 18 49 55 −6 42 Relegated
18 Reina Del Sud 38 11 9 18 51 61 −10 42 Relegated
19 Guerrilla Cathair 38 10 10 18 65 76 −11 40 Relegated
20 Crossport Mariners 38 11 7 20 45 68 −23 40 Relegated
R41
R41                                Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Osarese Marcadia 40 37 1 2 114 29 +85 112 Promoted
2 Hibernação 40 25 9 6 78 40 +38 84 Promoted
3 Corações 40 25 6 9 73 40 +33 81 Promoted
4 Huiszwalluw FC 40 26 2 12 75 53 +22 80 Promoted
5 Kitherwell 40 23 8 9 83 52 +31 77
6 Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 40 22 10 8 95 64 +31 76
7 Ceilerden Rovers 40 23 7 10 74 47 +27 76
8 Valão 40 23 6 11 89 57 +32 75
9 C.D. Portobranco 40 21 10 9 77 47 +30 73
10 Sporting Clube Marinheiros 40 21 10 9 81 58 +23 73
11 KT Kanpoldelko 40 20 11 9 68 47 +21 71
12 SC Laivanrakentajas 40 20 11 9 76 60 +16 71
13 Alistoun Academicals 40 19 8 13 70 56 +14 65
14 Lemmitania State FC 40 19 6 15 68 61 +7 63
15 Crossport Dynamo 40 19 6 15 57 55 +2 63
16 DDM Dunas Secas 40 17 10 13 67 61 +6 61
17 Orquideas 40 15 14 11 54 43 +11 59
18 Valens AV 40 17 7 16 68 63 +5 58
19 Frecce 40 17 6 17 51 51 0 57
20 KT Ferratzaileak 40 16 8 16 65 66 −1 56
21 CdFS Ilheiros 40 15 11 14 67 68 −1 56
22 Clockwork FC 40 16 8 16 57 63 −6 56
23 Sparta Zijweg 40 15 11 14 59 67 −8 56
24 Ceilerden Harp 40 15 10 15 62 63 −1 55
25 2130 Calolziolungho 40 16 7 17 57 60 −3 55
26 Valderantia United 40 15 4 21 52 59 −7 49
27 CF Cruceros 40 12 10 18 51 70 −19 46
28 Vidrieros 40 12 9 19 54 64 −10 45
29 Calcio Lecho 40 10 11 19 62 76 −14 41
30 Maccabi Hasiera 40 12 5 23 51 67 −16 41
31 Coile Owls 40 11 7 22 47 69 −22 40
32 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 40 11 5 24 68 89 −21 38
33 Viking Hryggur 40 11 5 24 51 89 −38 38
34 Ross Railway 40 9 8 23 55 88 −33 35
35 Cerejeiras 40 8 10 22 54 85 −31 34
36 Glasgar Rebels 40 8 10 22 44 75 −31 34
37 Coile Blades 40 8 7 25 47 88 −41 31
38 Fundición 40 7 8 25 61 93 −32 29
39 Glasgar Royals 40 7 8 25 41 78 −37 29
40 Steelworks 40 6 10 24 45 70 −25 28
41 PLFC 40 5 12 23 38 75 −37 27
Team              Pld  W   D   L   F   A  Pts
Burdoc Ridge 3 2 1 0 6 2 7
Silexhera FC 3 2 0 1 8 2 6
KT Koroatuz 3 1 0 2 1 5 3
Sobrevolante 3 0 1 2 1 7 1

Burdoc Ridge 1-1 Sobrevolante
Silexhera FC 2-0 KT Koroatuz

Burdoc Ridge 3-0 KT Koroatuz
Silexhera 5-0 Sobrevolante

Burdoc Ridge 2-1 Silexhera FC
KT Koroatuz 1-0 Sobrevolante


For the first time, there are no promotions or relegations in the playoffs, with the top tier sides comfortably dispatching the teams from third and fourth in the second division.


Kirola Cup Season 9

Coile Blades 2–3 Steelworks
KT Ferratzaileak 3–2 2130 Calolziolungho
Glasgar Royals 1–2 CdFS Ilheiros
CF Cruceros 1–0 Vidrieros
Orquideas 1–0 Coile Owls
Valderantia United 2–1 Glasgar Rebels
Maccabi Hasiera 0–1 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz
Clockwork FC 4–3 Ross Railway
Fundición 1–1 Frecce (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
SC Laivanrakentajas 0–1 Viking Hryggur
Lemmitania State FC 0–1 PLFC
KT Kanpoldelko 4–5 Cerejeiras
First Round
Kirola Cup
KT Itzalovalle 3–2 Shamrock Cathair
CdF Celtade 1–2 KT Moreazerua
Viking Hryggur 1–0 PLFC
Artiglieria 1–0 Calcio Lecho
Necromarinai 0–1 Clockwork FC
Uniao Tortuguita 0–0 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi (0–0 AET) (2–4 pen.)
Crossport Mariners 0–1 AS Marcadia
Cerejeiras 2–4 KT Ferramendiak
Corações 1–2 CdFS Ilheiros
Reina Del Sud 1–2 Bombarralense
Iron Brewery 1–2 Huiszwalluw FC
KT Ferratzaileak 2–2 Orquideas (2–3 AET)
Kitherwell 1–1 KT Koroatuz (1–1 AET) (5–4 pen.)
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 5–1 Ceilerden Rovers
United Cathair FC 2–2 CF Cruceros (2–2 AET) (2–3 pen.)
Valderantia United 1–5 Guerrilla Cathair
Oljestaden IF 1–2 AC Izotz Zubia
Fundición 1–2 Excelsior Zijweg
Eletti Valligiani 1–0 Ceilerden Harp
Sobrevolante 0–0 Osarese Marcadia (0–0 AET) (4–5 pen.)
Valens AV 0–1 1830 Cathair
CF Herradores 0–2 Steelworks
Burdoc Ridge 2–0 Viking Halehavn
Cazadores Cathair 2–2 Crossport Dynamo (2–5 AET)
Hibernação 0–2 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz
C.D. Portobranco 4–2 Valão
Sporting Clube Marinheiros 2–3 Laranjeiras
Silexhera FC 1–0 Santa Margarida
Alistoun Academicals 3–1 Sparta Zijweg
KT Laranjauzia 0–2 DDM Dunas Secas
Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 3–1 Isle of Kjeligsted FC
Tenth Star Hasiera 0–0 The Oran (0–1 AET)
Second Round
Kirola Cup
Crossport Dynamo 4–2 Kitherwell
Clockwork FC 0–1 1830 Cathair
KT Moreazerua 3–2 Eletti Valligiani
Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 1–0 The Oran
Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 2–0 Steelworks
Silexhera FC 3–2 KT Ferramendiak
Laranjeiras 2–2 Huiszwalluw FC (2–3 AET)
Alistoun Academicals 0–0 AS Marcadia (0–1 AET)
Orquideas 2–0 C.D. Portobranco
Viking Hryggur 1–2 Osarese Marcadia
Bombarralense 1–1 CF Cruceros (2–1 AET)
Artiglieria 3–1 KT Itzalovalle
Guerrilla Cathair 3–4 Burdoc Ridge
DDM Dunas Secas 0–0 Excelsior Zijweg (0–1 AET)
CdFS Ilheiros 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi (1–2 AET)
AC Izotz Zubia 1–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Third Round
Kirola Cup
KT Moreazerua 1–1 Orquideas (2–1 AET)
Huiszwalluw FC 1–2 Crossport Dynamo
Burdoc Ridge 3–5 AC Izotz Zubia
Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 1–0 1830 Cathair
Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 0–0 Osarese Marcadia (0–1 AET)
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 Artiglieria
Excelsior Zijweg 2–5 AS Marcadia
Bombarralense 0–0 Silexhera FC (0–0 AET) (3–1 pen.)
Kirola Cup
Quarter Final
Crossport Dynamo 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi (1–1 AET) (5–4 pen.)
AS Marcadia 1–0 KT Moreazerua
Bombarralense 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 0–1 Osarese Marcadia
Semi Final
Osarese Marcadia 1–2 AS Marcadia
AC Izotz Zubia 5–2 Crossport Dynamo
Kirola Cup
AS Marcadia 2–6 AC Izotz Zubia


AC Izotz Zubia’s awful end to the league season is tempered somewhat by a 6-2 smashing of AS Marcadia in the Kirola Cup

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Tue Feb 04, 2020 8:05 pm

OOC: A Tale of Two Cathairs is written in the style of a Netflix documentary. It’s assumed that there would be accompanying video. You’ll have to provide the visuals with your own imaginations, but the audio transcript is below.

Image


Key:
Match commentary. During these sections in italics the focus of the footage is largely on the fans and the managers, with footage of the actual football coming from pitch-side cameras. There are occasional shots of local bars showing the match, following the emotions of each team’s fans. For bars showing the Shamrock Cathair matches, assume an Irish Pub. For bars showing Cazadores matches, assume a more Latin-American or Mediterranean feel. I imagine the commentators to have the voices of Brian Moore for Cazadores games and Ian Crocker for Shamrock games, but naturally you can replace these with whoever you like in your mind.

Blue sections are snippets of Audioslavian TV News, presented by various sports anchors who may or may not resemble James Richardson and Diletta Leotta

Voiceover by Jeremy Jaffacake. Assume uncanny valley Scottish accent and volume problems

<Information about what is happening on screen will appear in triangular brackets like so>

Image


<Cold open: A montage of the first three games of the new season>

You join us on a sweltering summer’s day here at the Glass Bridge Stadium as a very new-look Shamrock, though still in their tradiional deep emarald green, kick off against KT Moreazerua…

…here in Lusitaninha it’s the home side Bombarralense who get us underway, their very first game in the top flight, kicking from left to right in their bright red home shirts, Cazadores in their change strip clad all in black…

…and still Mozi can’t get the ball clear Lisco… loses out to van Beuren, danger here for Shamrock! Van Beuren to Crewe.. Rosewing… it’s played in for Danira PILBEERSEEEK OHHHFT what a block that is from Dieter Konoval, it’s away for a corner…

…Bombarralense force another corner, headed away by Jerquaad… and that’s a miskick from Dane Prigeon, it’s Leon Davis, Mishima aand saved well, Cazadores have gotten away with that one…

…and that’s a mistake, it’s Yohan Miller, square for Rosewing, and Rosewing… blocked… Alexander Crewe! And Shamrock lead, forced low, forced through Pendergaarst who is furious with his…

…defenders tracking back as Bombarralense come forward once more, that’s Way, Way way out to Harrow on the right, whipped in for FranKEN! Over the bar, he had so much space! Cazadores manager Rook Cathar looks furious with his team…

…furiously gesticulating at the referee, who’s coming over… he’s going to book the Shamrock manager. Oh, Rohan Cammers, no stranger to the odd yellow in his playing days and he has one here too, it’s a yellow to Cammers for shouting at the referee, it’s yellow for Logan Osborn for the trip, it’s a penalty to Morezerua, can they make something of this. Nonhagatte, the weight lays on his broad shoulders… and it’s a goal. 1-1 as we approach…

…half-time comes and Rook Cathair storms down the tunnel, you wouldn’t want to be a Cazadores player in that dressing room very soon…

…Rohan Cammers will have some stern words with his Shamrock team, so dominant in this opening half of the season, yet the game is still tied at 1-1…


<a handheld camera follows Rohan into the Shamrock Cathair changing room>

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“Thirty thousand people are here to see you fucks, are you going to let them down?They’ve been looking forward to the opening game for months, counting the days, they’ve seen you, you, Atsuhiro, Colm, Les, they’ve seen you come in and they’re desperate for you to be the real deal. Are you the real deal? Well? Don’t fucking tell me, tell them. Show them who you are, and don’t you dare come back in here without proving to them that you’re fit to wear The Green”

ROOK CATHAR:
“The bloody hell has gotten into you? You train all summer and then you come out here to the sticks just to fold under the pressure? These guys, Bombarralense, they’ve been playing in the second flight all their lives, their fans have seen nothing but pish their entire lives, they’ve been dreaming about coming to the big leagues and showing the likes of Cazadores what for, but I didn’t dedicate the last decade of my life to getting the best out of the sort of team who wilts under pressure. These guys are trying their hearts out, so we have to try harder. Francis, Creidne, you’re Cazadores now. That name means something. Don’t you dare come back in here without…”

..O’Tuathail still, to the by-line, deflected and out, it’s a corner for Shamrock, Rohan Cammers waving his centre-halves forward…

…come streaming forward on the counter, Bombarralense are exposed here, it’s Francis Sutherland, he’s past Kuby, there’s shirts waiting, it’s in for LINDAUERRRRRR and it’s ONE-NIL Cazadores…

…it’s swung in high, looking to his Les JAWALLAWALLA! Shamrock re-take the lead, and it’s the big Apoxian!


Matchday One
Shamrock Cathair 2–1 KT Moreazerua
Crewe ’31

Nonhagatte ’43
Jawallawalla ’64

Bombarralense 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Lindauer ’55


…made hard work of their visit to Hasiera, only taking the lead in the 92nd minute through this goal from Osman Candelo..
…two out of two for Cazadores, for whom Olimpia Vidal’s 25th minute strike was enough to salvage all three points…
…and it’s Cazadores’s third 1-0 victory in a row as Itzalovalle fall victim to substitute Aloha’s 75th minute strike, the Daineri ensuring Cazadores’ perfect start to the season continues…
…fantastic performance from Shamrock as Zozi come to the capital and can only take a single point. Laborious Hawk’s early strike looked to be the start of an onslought, but Crewe’s reply took the wind from Izotz Zubia’s sails and Shamrock hold the giants to a draw, 1-1 here at Glass Bridge


Matchdays Two and Three

Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–3 Shamrock Cathair
Crewe ’13

Bousquet ’21
Bailey ’54
O’Tuathail ’78
Candelo ’90+2


Cazadores Cathair 1–0 Silexhera FC
Vidal ’25

KT Itzalovalle 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Aloha ’75


Shamrock Cathair 1–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Hawk ‘7
Crewe ’44


Cazadores and Shamrock, Cathair’s ‘other’ clubs. Permanently in the shadow of decadent rivals 1830 Cathair. Each team has their own personality. 1830 Cathair, one of the oldest clubs in Audioslavia, were founded as a strictly amateur team, selecting graduates from local private schools to play for the love of the game. Founded in the city’s rich Grand Forum district, an area that has only become richer over the centuries, 1830 Cathair reluctantly embraced professionalism only at the start of the LigAnaia era, and used their wealth to dominate Audioslavian football. Five LigAnaia titles arrived at Cathair’s door, nine times they were the best performing Audioslavian team. One CopAnaia, one UICA Champions’ Cup, one UICA Super Cup, one Cygnus Cup, one AOCL, the side have won almost every trophy on offer both at home and abroad.

Life has always been different in the eastern and western districts of the capital. Shamrock on one side, Cazadores on the other. They aren't the only other clubs in the capital. United Cathair and Guerrilla Cathair are smaller clubs that have always plied their trade in the lower leagues. Shamrock and Cazadores have always been much, much bigger and yet, compared to 1830, so so small. They are the middle children of the capital. Never unloved, but always unfashionable.

Shamrock have always been professional, for a long time keeping their players sheltered and fed by playing exhibition matches as often as they possible could. Founded in the dockyards, a team followed by many in rural western Audioslavia and the industrial, working class western districts of Cathair. Shamrock, without the income, connections or glamour of 1830, have always struggled. Eighth place in LigAnaia season two was their best finish in the LigAnaia era. A few seasons of yo-yoing between LigAnaia’s 1 and 2 followed before the club sank like a stone, vanishing into division three before the league was absorbed into the old R49. In five seasons in that division, the second flight of LigAnaia football, the side finished in the top half only twice.

The club have fared better since the start of the National League era, earning promotion to the top flight immediately and suffering through six difficult seasons, including one in the second tier again, before achieving their greatest ever finish in season seven.

First.


<a rugged looking forty-something man sits down on a leather armchair, facing just away from the camera, waits awkwardly while an attractive girl with green hair puts his clip-mic into position. He has salt-and-pepper hair and a complexion that suggests he may have recently spent four months out at sea. Either that or he likes a drink. Like many forty-something men he has a very large head on a regular-sized body - again, probably the result of alcohol. Below the neck, he’s slim and wiry but for a slight pot belly that is, thankfully, hidden underneath a smart shirt, green tie and dark green blazer with the Shamrock Cathair crest on the heart>
“Rohan” says the interviewer, clearly Jeremy Jaffacake from the weirdy half-rolled ‘R’. “Thank you for coming”
“Can I tell you about the time I won us the league yet”
“Go right ah..”
“Second best day of my career in football. No doubt.”
“Second best?”

“Aye. Watching Alexander Crewe net that first goal in the final game. Hearing the news that 1830 Cathair and Zozi were messing up. Watching all our hard work fall into place. Bliss.”

<a different room, a different chair, a different man. A much, much larger man, with short blond hair receeding a little and flecked with white. He sits on a red two-person sofa and almost fills it. He looks like someone made one big suit out of three and then put five fridges into it. He nods at the interviewer, who starts by asking him a question>
"So, Rook, we've spoken to Rohan, who started by telling us he enjoyed winning the league that one time.
“We could have won the league that season. Should have. Injury problems in the final run-in took us from first to fourth. Perils of having a small squad and a good first eleven but just kids behind that. It was our lowest finish for three years. We’d finished second twice in a row before that, after winning the title ourselves. Even then, even with the prize money, a club like Cazadores have to work twice as hard to compete. ”

Cazadores Cathair joined the LigAnaia in season three and immediately earned promotion to the top flight. There, the team made a habit of narrowly avoiding relegation, finishing in the top half of the top division only once - a tenth place in season twelve.

Cazadores would finally be relegated in the first National League season, but would return quickly to embark upon the greatest era in their history. Fourth place, back then good enough for a Champions Cup spot, followed before an unlikely maiden title in season four. Two runners-up finishes followed, then fourth, then third, and finally the side finished sixth last year - their worst finish for six cycles.

Cazadores are the team of the city’s eastern provinces, traditionally a ghetto before a short economic boom pitched various skyscrapers and shopping centres in and around the smaller, older buildings. Cazadores though, retain their identity, continuing to play their football at the ancient El Ruedo stadium in an area still full of the short, white, yellow and pink concrete housing that used to be the area’s trademark.

This week, National League Season 10, Matchday 4, both Shamrock and Cazadores have the week off. It’s a side-effect of having a 28-matchday, 15-team league that runs over the course of 38 matchdays. Ten weekends off per team. Often, many of these off-weeks happen at once. Cazadores have just the one weekend off, while Shamrock will now play zero games until matchday eight.

We invited both managers to share a sofa with one another to watch all the fixtures from matchday four.

They declined.

Instead, they’ll be watching the games separately.

All matches on Matchday Four take place on Sunday evening at 5 o’clock. Not the usual turn of events, wherein typically four matches will be played at 3pm on Saturday, with a couple others shown on live TV on either Friday night, Saturday lunchtime, Saturday night, Sunday lunchtime or Sunday afternoon. The gimmick of having all games on the Sunday evening is exactly that - a gimmick. Created by Audioslavian TV in a bid to entertain foreign investors at the expense of the fans.


Rohan Cammers has the TV tuned to full coverage of AC Izotz Zubia versus Bombarralense.

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“Two-nothing up in ten minutes. How long did it take Cazadores to score against this lot? Zozi always have the odd dry patch but they’re moving through the gears nicely today. Their strength and weakness is that they’re so attacking, and there’s a few teams in the league who’ve figured out how to deal with that. Here’s Hawk.. Hawk’s gonna wait with it until one of the strikers… aye there it is for Audbjornsson aaand goal. Nice finish. Hawk - Audbjornsson - Goal is a far too regular occurrence for my liking, even if Thor is getting on a bit.”

Rook Cathair sits in front of Ceu Sports’ Umbrella coverage of all five matches, jumping from game to game as and when the goals fly in.

ROOK CATHAR:
“A goal at the Hygolje Arena eh? That’ll be Oljestaden taking the lead then. 1-0. Knudsen’s a great player. I’m not quite sure what he’s still doing at Oljestaden”
“You don’t rate the Oilers?” comes a question from the man sitting on the part of the sofa somehow not occupied by Rook Cathar. It’s Jeremy Jaffacake, squeezed into a corner.
“It’s not as if I don’t rate them, it’s just they’re playing Artiglieria, and I honestly haven’t seen a team look this bad on paper for quite some time”

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“Ooh, hello, Bombarralense aren’t lying down are they? Still throwing defenders forward at corners. That’s Jan Kuby. Good player. 3-1 now”

ROOK CATHAR:
“Itzi versus Mozi is quieter than you’d expect. That’s supposed to be a derby, yet you can see empty seats in the stadium. I’m glad Itzi are back up. As a sports fan, you understand, not as a manager of a team that has to play them. They’re one of the ‘big six’, as people call us now. 1830 Cathair and AC Izotz Zubia at the top, us and Shamrock from Cathair and Mozi and Itzi from the mountains. Itzalovalle used to be comfortably the number three side in the country, back in the day, and were still decent when I joined Caza. Couldn’t believe it when they got relegated. Even more so when they couldn’t come back up immediately”
“They made some bad decisions” says Jeremy
“Absolutely they did. Gordon Kellond? What were they playing at?”

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“Hah, go on! Go on! Yes! 3-2! Leon Davis for Bombarral! Bloody hell they’re actually making a game of this. 3-2 going into half-time. I reckon they can do it. Zozi have absolutely switched off”

ROOK CATHAR:
“Hello, something happening in… Hasiera. Ah. For a second there I thought we were getting something good. Tout-Puissant take the lead. Leonardo Bousquet. Admittedly I don’t know much about him. An Eastfielder? Well he can only be so good then…”

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“And there’s Hawk to spoil the party. 4-2 Zozi. Bombarral have some balls, I’ll give them that, and Zozi are prone to the odd catastophe, what with all the stars butting heads in that team, but I think that’ll be it.”

ROOK CATHAR:
“Calcio Sicurezza Elfi are beating Burdoc Ridge. They’re a strange team. Every season they get tipped to go back down and every season they seem to acquit themselves okay. The Valanora-born players they have in their team are... decent. Let's just say they'd never get within a mile of the Valanora national team. Neither could any of the Burdoc Ridge team, for that matter. It's a mark of the relative depth of each league, for me. A team of plucky Vanoran scamps can survive at the top level of Audioslavian football. Their opposites, Audio Bull Synergy, have barely left a dent in the third or fourth tier of domestic football over in the south west”

ROHAN CAMMERS:
“And that’s it. Audbjornsson, 5-2. Zozi are over the line. How old is Thor these days? Two hundred? I hear he’s quietly stepping aside from playing at the end of the season. Good for everyone else, that’s for sure.”

Matchday 4

The National League
KT Moreazerua 1–2 KT Itzalovalle
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–1 Silexhera FC
AC Izotz Zubia 5–2 Bombarralense
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–1 Burdoc Ridge
Oljestaden IF 2–1 Artiglieria

The National League Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Cazadores Cathair 3 3 0 0 3 0 +3 9
2 Shamrock Cathair 3 2 1 0 6 4 +2 7
3 KT Itzalovalle 3 2 0 1 8 3 +5 6
Oljestaden IF 2 2 0 0 8 3 +5 6
5 KT Moreazerua 4 2 0 2 7 6 +1 6
6 AC Izotz Zubia 4 1 2 1 8 6 +2 5
7 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 4 1 1 2 10 11 −1 4
8 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 3 1 1 1 5 8 −3 4
9 1830 Cathair 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
10 Bombarralense 4 1 0 3 7 12 −5 3
11 AS Marcadia 2 0 2 0 5 5 0 2
12 Artiglieria 2 0 1 1 2 3 −1 1
-- Tenth Star Hasiera 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
14 Burdoc Ridge 1 0 0 1 1 2 −1 0
15 Silexhera FC 4 0 0 4 2 10 −8 0


Having played three matches each - two more than city rivals 1830 Cathair - Cazadores and Shamrock both sit atop the league. But how long can they stay there?
Last edited by Audioslavia on Tue Feb 04, 2020 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Feb 07, 2020 4:25 pm

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<EXT a football stadium. Highlights from a game that’s clearly a few years old. We recognise some of the names here, but the white shirts and the commentator’s accent are unfamiliar>
…and Crewe celebrates by… what is he doing? He jumps into the crowd but… isn’t that the Uxminister end? The away fans and the stewards are all leaping to their feet as Crewe… that’s an obscene gesture… Crewe is bundled back onto the pitch by security and I think the referee might have to do something here, Alexander Crewe has already been booked… red card! Red card! Egloskerry take the lead but are down to ten men! That's Crewe's fourth red card of the season, a record only equalled by another Egloskerry player. You won't need me to remind you of who that is...

<INT: A taxi, heading from Cathair International Airport to western Cathair. Inside are Les Jawallawalla and Jeremy Jaffacake. Les looks like he might have had a couple of glasses of wine on the plane over. Jeremy looks like he might have had quite a few glasses of wine every day for a few hundred years.>

JEREMY: So, Les Jawallawalla, you’ve transfered from Egloskerry to Shamrock Cathair, following in the footsteps of Alexander Crewe and your new boss, Rohan Cammers. They were… storied figures at Egloskerry, were they not?

LES: Hah, yes, I watched them both play while I was growing up. I’m Egloskerrian myself and, back in school, everyone pretended to be Crewe or Cammers. On the pitch when scoring a goal or hacking someone down, off the pitch while shouting at a random passer-by or making obscene gestures at people on a bus, that sort of thing.

JEREMY: It’s an interesting place, isn’t it. Provincial, colourful..

LES: Yeah. I mean if you tell someone from Egloskerry that they’re ‘provincial’ they might punch you in the jaw, but yeah.

JEREMY: Are you looking forward to meeting the two legends?

LES: I’m a bit apprehensive, to be honest. I mean, yeah, I’m excited, but this is my manager and my captain now. I’ve got to make sure I make a good impression, y’know? I know you can’t take the Egloskerry out of the boy, but still, Shamrock are a little more professional than I’m used to, so…

<CUT to INT head office at Shamrock Cathair’s Glass Bridge stadium. Jeremy joins Les, Alexander Crewe and Rohan Cammers in Rohan’s manager’s office.>

ROHAN: So then I just ran onto the pitch, took the ball off Jaarki and blootered it into the goal. Best goal I ever scored. I mean, I wasn’t *playing*, and I was tanked up on some of that DIY kit beers I’d been making, which is probably why I invaded the pitch in the first place, but it was a great goal. Counted too.



CREWE: I took over that mantle. Got sent off four times playing for Oldem in a single season. Equalled your record. Good times, good times.

ROHAN: I mean that’s the best part of football isn’t it, being a complete and utter prick?

CREWE: If you score a goal but you haven’t put your hand around the neck of some donkey number five in the build-up, does it even count?

ROHAN: Speaking of donkey number fives, Les, we’re giving you the number six

LES: Well that’s a relief

JEREMY: So, Rohan, Les Jawallawalla here has joined, Iliya Karapetrov comes for just two million, and you’ve got two more Apoxian players in: The young Kelssek player, O’Tuathail, and experienced Mrii striker Aldo Vocani. Do you have any more plans for last-ditch deals in the transfer window?

ROHAN: Nah. I’ve got my team now. That’s it for us, I think. We’ve got what amounts to a good line-up, one that’ll take us to the Globe Cup at least. That’s the target.

JEREMY: And why take so many players from Apox?

ROHAN: Shits and giggles

CREWE: You’re not actually allowed to talk to Apoxians any more are you?

ROHAN (laughing): Well no. I mean yes, but not officially. After that little invade-the-pitch-score-a-goal-chuckle-away-out-of-the-stadium escapade I did, I’m banned from playing football in Apox ever again. Thing is, they also banned me from setting foot inside a stadium in Apox. That also covers being in a stadium digitally, too, so I can’t skype anyone to ask about transfers

JEREMY: So you have to use a phone, like any other person

ROHAN: Yeah well I *insist* on using Skype don’t I. End up talking to some bod from the office at Dwile or whatever who’s outside the stadium holding their iPad up to their face, shouting through the window whatever I say to whoevers the manager.

LES: You should let me open up a skype call with a club. You can put your head into camera after a couple of minutes of the call and they’d have to quickly throw their laptop through a window before they get fined

ROHAN: … you’re going to fit in just fine here, kid

It’s the last day of the transfer window. At eleven o’clock tonight, that window slams shut. Shamrock Cathair have done all the business they need. This is not quite the case at Cazadores

…Francis Sutherland arrives from Avante Leipreachán, the winger has cost the club four million dollars. Manager Rook Cathar is confident that Sutherland very much has a role to play…
…Brenecian striker Creidne Lindauer, who arrives for eight million dollars from Kingsgrove, Cazadores’s second most expensive player in history. Cathar insists the outlay is necessary to propel Cazadores into the upper echelons of the National League…

…come streaming forward on the counter, Bombarralense are exposed here, it’s Francis Sutherland, he’s past Kuby, there’s shirts waiting, it’s in for LINDAUERRRRRR and it’s ONE-NIL Cazadores…
…and KT Morezerua have sold Jerquaad to rivals Cazadores Cathair, quite the coup for Cathar…
…Bombarralense force another corner, headed away by Jerquaad…
…young Vilitan defender strongly linked with a move to the capital. Shamrock Cathair are supposedly interested, but it’s Cathar’s Cazadores who…
…Geafi Laina-Sola, the veteran Vilitan defender, looks to be on the way to Cazadores for a fee of…
…Koranjo, a hot prospect for Jlinal Cove, is rumoured to be joining Laina-Sola at Cazadores to create a two-Vilitan defence in the capital…
…very much in the lead for the signature of the Vilitan, seen as the future of the Vilitan national team’s defence…
…still in talks with Inteali Koranjo…
…talks with Laina-Sola are on-going…
…stalled in talks to get both Vilitans to Cazadores…
…no update at Cazadores, who are still in the hunt for the Vilitan pairing of Sola and Koranjo, but…
…still no news from…
…could perhaps have broken down…
…as Koranjo decides his future…
…said to be considering staying put at Lonngeylin Coast…
…last-ditch bid to secure the signature of the Vilitan…


<INT: Cazadores Cathair’s head office. Rook Cathar is seen putting the phone down before running a hand through his thinning blonde hair. Jeremy Jaffacake is sitting across from the manager’s desk.>

CATHAR: Flight CA1093 from Jlinal is delayed another hour. Inteali Koranjo will be on the flight. Still awaiting paperwork from Vilita.

JEREMY: The deal is definitely on?

CATHAR: Pending a medical. He’ll get here at 10 at a push along with his agent. We do the medical… rush the medical, really, while his agent checks the paperwork. Assuming everything is okay, then we sign and fax the paperwork over to whatever UICA is calling itself these days.

JEREMY: The ICFC?

CATHAR: It’s something like that, yes. And then there’s…

JEREMY: Wait, did you say ’fax’

CATHAR (shrugging and pointing towards the machine in the corner that looks like it was build out of tin by an 80s communist with a penchant for brutalism, beige and bakelite who’d once had the concept of ergonomics explained to him by a man sitting at the bottom of a well with a loudspeaker and a strong Welsh accent and figured he knew enough about it from that conversation to never even think about it ever again): What can I say. You can add all the glamour you want to football and it’ll still be run by the sort of men who regard ballpoint pens as dangerous new technology that threatens the inkwell market.

JEREMY: You were after another Vilitan, too?

CATHAR: Laina-Sola. I’d asked his club to get back to me by yesterday. They finally managed it this afternoon, saying their man had decided to stay at Longyearbyen or whiever Long team it is. Deal’s off.

JEREMY: Why yesterday

CATHAR: Last minute bid for Jirii Januaa from Itzalovalle. Nothing doing, now. By the time they responded it’d be too late for Januaa to get here.

JEREMY: Why the fixation on middle-aged Vilitans?

CATHAR: Well, they’re both excellent players, but we were looking at getting someone in to help Koranjo develop. Ideally a Vilitan, as they generally find Audioslavians to be a bit weird, which I sympathise with. We’re thin on the ground for seasoned centre-halves. Monterroso’s our oldest and most experienced centre-half and he basically warmed the bench last season. He’s 24. Koranjo already has international experience with Vilita, he’s not going to learn anything from Monterroso.

JEREMY: You’re hoping Koranjo lands on his feet?

CATHAR: At this rate, I’m just hoping he lands in this plane.

…hoping to announce the signing of Inteali Koranjo from Jlinal Cove…
…young defender has apparently landed at Cathair International…
…as our helicopter follows the taxi from Terminal 1 to eastern Cathair..
…enters the building at.. we make it 22:20, now the transfer window slams shut at….
…can only speculate at what must be happening at Cazadores HQ right now…


<INT: Desya Kuznetsov’s Cafe, Styrn Medical Centre, Cathair. The medical centre is named after Ronda Judit Styrn, former Audioslavia and Cazadores player who infamously left Cazadores for city rivals 1830 Cathair. Feeling guilty, the legendary striker donated part of her signing-on fee towards Cazadores’ new medical centre, which finally opened the year after Styrn left. As a show of good faith, Cazadores named the centre after their former striker after she moved on to Red Star Severny. Desya Kuznetsov’s Cafe is an unofficial term for the cafe inside the medical centre, so called due to the fact that Desya Kuznesov scrawled his name on the counter using a compass. God knows where he got a compass from.>

In the background, a young Vilitan footballer is running on a treadmill with an oxygen pipe in his mouth and various sensors stuck to various parts of his body. His agent, a small Vilitan man who’s name is Helmut (’no relation!’ joked the agent, poorly) is perusing the final page of a document. Jeremy is eyeing him carefully. Rook Cathar is trying hard to look like he isn’t about to wring the lawyer’s neck.

It’s is 10:45pm. Paperwork has to arrive at IFCF headquarters in fifteen minutes.

HELMUT: What is this, 'release claws'?

CATHAR: That's something to cover you. If Caza get relegated, which we won't, Inteali will be free to speak to other clubs, with no...

HELMUT (interrupting): No no, not 'release clause', I mean 'release claws'. With a 'w'. Like a cat. Rawr.

CATHAR: Oh that. 'Claws' is the name of our mascot. The lion. That part ensures Inteali would be released from his contract if he were to be eaten by a lion.

HELMUET: Does... does that happen often?

CATHAR: It barely happens at all

HELMUT: Barely?

CATHAR: We've got thirteen minutes to get this to ICFCFCF or whatever it's called. Is there anything pressing we can help you with.

HELMUT: I'm not sure we'd want Inteali to be released from his contract if he's eaten by lions

CATHAR: It is just one lion, and why?

HELMUT: Will he actually be exposed to this lion?

CATHAR: If he gets a bit frisky with his lockpick during publicity stunts then it's very likely. Best keep his bobby pins in his hair, that lad. Why would you want him to stay on contract if he's eaten by a lion?

HELMUT: Where is this lion?

CATHAR: It's in a zoo, that's where lions fucking live and will you answer the question?

HELMUT: Lions don't live at the zoo. Very few lions are kept there. Lions live on plains.

CATHAR: ...lions don't live on planes what the fuck are you talking about

HELMUT: They... what do you mean lions don't live on plains. Where do you think wild lions live?

CATHAR: Well not in fucking cockpits that's for certain. Why don't you want...

HELMUT (interrupting): No not that sort of... look if my client is eaten by a lion I'm sure his family would like to receive any money that would have been due to my client were my client not to have been eaten by a lion. That's just business

CATHAR: I don't think Inteali is going to care either way

HELMUT: He's just in the next room, shall I shout through and ask him? Ask him how he feels about his club not paying his family if he gets eaten by a lion?

CATHAR: Just... do you want us to take it out of the contract?

HELMUT: I'm sure the secretaries wouldn't mind taking it out

CATHAR: Fuck sake, here

<Alexander Crewe takes a black biro out of his pocket and scribbles out the section titled 'release claws'>

HELMUT: I... suppose that will have to do

CATHAR: Let's just get his signed.

<The pair take the contract to Inteali, who at this point is standing next to the treadmill getting his breath back.>

CATHAR: Now then, Inteali. How do you feel?

INTEALI: Fit, boss

CATHAR: Welp, I'm not your boss until you sign right here

INTEALI: What's this blacked out bit?

HELMUT and CATHAR (together): It's not important.

INTEALI (signing): And.. there. Can I call you 'boss' now, boss?

CATHAR: Let's fire up the fax machine and find out


...still no word from Cazadores over the signing of...
...half past eleven now as we await the final transfers of the day...
...almost an hour past the end of the window, and word from Cathair...
...a deal worth just over...
...Inteali Koranjo is an excellent coup for Crewe...
...in time for Cazadores's next game, at home against...

...KT Moreazerua, one of only five teams to have been crowned Champions of Audioslavia in the history of the domestic game, will kick off. Mozi in purple will be attacking the goal to your right, Cazadores in red...
...Nonhagatte, that's out to Paraoan on the left, whipped into the box and blocked by Koranjo...
...the young Vilitan clears the ball out to the wing, and here's Sutherland, Asterisk across to cover but that's an excellent turn of pace from the Havynwilde international, it's inside to Pridgeon, through to Vidal! 1-0! 1-0 to Cazadores...
...who can counter here, Mozi are overstretched, it's through for Vidal, back for Lindauerrrrr OH WHAT A GOAL! Cathar jumps into the air, fists pumping, what a strike that is from Lindauer. Fully thirty yards, low into the corner with Pendergaarst absolutely nowhere...
...nowhere near a comeback here as Cazadores, backed by their home fans, go into the break two goals to the good...
...play by Nonhagatte, in for Van Ciavatinni and that's a clever one-two with Umbro, danger here, Koranjo comes in and that's an important challenge on the edge of the... oh penalty! Penalty to Moreazerua and you have to say, that did not look like a penalty, Koranjo is furious...
...furiously remonstrating on the sidelines as we see the replay, Van Ciavatinni gets the ball tangled in his feet as he tries to take it past Koranjo, the Vilitan is strong in the challenge, he does get the ball and a bit of the man but surely Van Ciavatinni was going to ground anyway there! Oh, that's unlucky for the debutant....
...who watches on as Nonhagatte... SCORES and it's game on here at El Ruedo...
...mis-placed from Koranjo and there's danger here! Umbro takes it forward and that's a snap shot oh! Inches wide! There were players open for him, Van Ciavatinni is frantically waving his arms....
...signalling another corner for Moreazerua, they are very much knocking on the door here, it's swung in by Iarzagarai and that's cleared by Koanjo at the near post...
...and it's the side-netting, Circe with an excellent chance for the equaliser, and who was marking him?...
...through for Circe but that's an excellent recovery from Koranjo to slide in, a brave decision from the teenager who's already been booked here on his debut...
...all over! Cazadores remain unbeaten at this early stage in the season. That's four wins from four as they sit atop the league!...
...a baptism of fire of sorts for Koranjo, who emerges victorious but perhaps a little weary from his introduction to Audioslavian football.


Cazadores Cathair 2-1 KT Moreazerua
Vidal '23
Lindauer '28

Nonhagatte (PEN, 61)

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Sat Feb 08, 2020 9:20 am

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Cazadores put their 100% record on the line here, clad in white and going from right to left. Hosts Tout-Puissant have only won one of their opening five games, but can feasibly go fourth here if they can repel Cazadores this evening…
…having to retreat here, it’s Bousquet, on to Grau, danger here, and Grau cuts inside and that’s Le Quellec arriving ooh that’s a let-off, a drilled ball across goal and Le Quellec is an inch away from connecting with the ball, with Hardcheese still scrambling to get across…
…a cross comes in, it’s Le Hénaff! Saved by Hardcheese oh so acrobatically! Tipped over the bar by the big Daineri and it’s another corner…
…played short to Stoppelbei, floated in, and it’s headed out by Koranjo, volleyed back in by Bailey! Oh what a save! Hardcheese sprawls to his left and digs the ball out of the air, fantastic stop by the keeper…
…who plucks that ball out of the air with ease and it’s thrown immediately to Menheniot and Cazadores can counter, they’ll go through Sutherland, Sutherland skips forward, in for Vidal, Vidal to Lind… no, that’s not a good pass by Vidal…
…and the Chromatik is limping here. Vidal motions that he can continue but he’s moving very gingerly on that left foot…
…you can see here he just steps onto the outside of his foot as he makes the pass. Yeah. Yeah the ankle isn’t supposed to move that way for very long, that’s certainly a strain…
…on comes Aloha for Cazadores, Vidal high-fives the Daineri as he makes his way onto the field…
…Tout-Puissant have been the better team here in the first half, though they won’t have time to take this corner, that’s half time…
…second half and there’s another substitution from Cazadores, and it’s Lindauer who’s been taken off, replaced by Daineri striker Aranha, a summer signing from AS Marcadia, making his debut today…
…Lindauer hasn’t made their way back to the dug-out for the second half, a niggle perhaps? Perhaps the Brenecian isn’t too happy about being subbed off at half-time. It’s not like they’ve put a foot wrong, it’s just been such a quiet half for the number 7. A bit of frustration perhaps? Ah wait, there she is. Headphones on. Scowl. There’s your answer…
…Aranha here. To Aloha and back that’s a wonderful one-two, Aloha with a shot! Just wide of the goal with Futuyna beaten, excellent build-up play from Cazadores…
…who are taking the game to Tout-Puissant now, it’s Etxenoz, over to Sutherland, Sutherland plays the ball square to Aranha who let’s it run, it’s Aloha, Aranha, Goal! Oh that’s a lovely goal! And it’s given Cazadores the lead here! Are they going to make it five wins on the trot?…
…and it’s all over, Tout-Puissants fans make their feelings known about their side’s abysmal second half. TPH 0, Caza 1…


Matchday 6

Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Aranha ’64


Season eight of the LigAnaia - sixteen seasons ago - saw Starblaydia’s Jhanna City make an eyebrow-raising purchase in the transfer market. They brought in a comparatively untried and untested goalkeeper from Tommy-Atkins. His name was Batmacumba. He was the first Daineri in the LigAnaia. Batmacumba was a sole bright spot in what was otherwise a dark couple of years for the Starblaydi outfit, his acrobatic saves and fiery temperament made him a fan favourite for the club, and then for Tout-Puissant Hasiera for a single season, before the stopper was signed by 1830 Cathair for LigAnaia season twelve. Not to be outdone, AC Izotz Zubia found their own Dainer goalkeeper, signing Acquafresca from Adubo Fertio a few weeks later. Both men were supposed to be there as backups, but both would cement themselves as number one, in role if not number, within two seasons.

Both players are enjoying their retirement now. Both were the start of a strange Audioslavian trend.

Eleven of the National League’s fifteen clubs now boast a Daineri goalkeeper. It’s almost like a status symbol.

It’s not just flamboyant goalkeepers that have captured the imagination, either. Plenty of outfielders are on the books at Audioslavian clubs. Dainer are the most represented foreign nation in Audioslavian football and by quite some distance - add togeter the 2nd, 3rd and 4th most represented nationalities and you get the amount of Daineris playing football in Audioslavia: 26.

Four of them now play for Cazadores Cathair.

Jerquaad, formerly of cross-town rivals Shamrock and recently at KT Morezerua, arrived in pre-season to join Keeper Hardcheese who has been captain for two seasons now, having joined from Jéan in season six. Aranha and Aloha, signed for AS Marcadia last season and combining for a number of goals together, were bought at the start of the transfer window.


“I managed on a goal on my debut!” beams Aloha, scorer of the only goal in Caza’s win over KT Itzalovalle on matchday three. Aranha nods. “Same here. It took me a couple more games to get on the field, but this guy fed me the ball on Saturday and I hit the goal. They should start us more often!”

Interviewing them is one Jeremy Jaffacake. Because two would be too many.

“Criedne Lindauer didn’t seem too happy about being taken off at half-time. Why do you think that was?”

“It’s difficult” nods Aranha, “To be on the field and not receive the ball. This happened to me, to us, at Marcadia. Marcadia struggled last season, they always stuggle I think, so we don’t see the ball too often. And then, when we did score, the boss wanted to take me or Aloha from the field, play defensive. Here, well, opportunities are less, but when we get to the field we know there will be opportunities. For Criedne, she didn’t touch the ball very much in the first half, and then Vidal gets injured and Aloha plays”
“Vidal is okay now, I think. He starts next week” says Aloha
“It’s fair. He’s here for a long time. He’s a good player. I think Criedne felt the frustration to be taken off at half-time. The boss knows I play better when I’m with Aloha. Aloha and Aranha are a good strike force together, so the boss wanted us both at our best. It works!”
“It works” repeats Aloha, nodding.
“What’s your relationship with Hardcheese like?” asks Jeremy
“He’s good, a team-mate, we don’t know him so well” says Aranha
“Not all Daineris are friends, Jeremy” says Aloha
“It’s five wins from five for Cazadores. You couldn’t get a better start if you tried. Next week though, next week is AC Izotz Zubia” asks Jeremy.
“They are bad this season!” exclaims Aloha
“One win in six games. 1-3-2. It’s very bad for them” agrees Aranha
“Why do you think that is?” asks Jeremy
“Because it’s better to win” says Aranha, as Aloha nods sagely.
“No.. I mean why are Zozi having such a bad start?”
“A little unlucky, I think” says Aranha.
“They lost to Cathair, 1830 Cathair I mean, on the first day. And then draws, lots of draws, and then last week against Itzalovalle, that was bad”
“Very bad result” nods Aranha. “I hope this means they are still bad next week”
“And will you be playing next week?” asks Jeremy
“I hope”
“I hope”

…I hope you’re sitting comfortably, it’s the marquee match of week seven of the National League, AC Izotz Zubia in their familiar pink and silver hoops visit Cazadores in deep red. Zozi have had a terrible start by their high standards, while Caza have had the dream opening few weeks to their season. Five games played, five games won, each by the narrowest of margins. Can they stamp their authority over this game, and this league, against one of the biggest teams in Audioslavia?
…Vidal is looking lively, no signs of last week’s injury that was a wonderful turn-and-shot, well saved from Gentle Breeze, one of the few goalkeepers not to be Daineri…
…Vidal here, to Pridgeon and that’s through for Lindauer! oh! Saved by Breeze! The follow up comes from Sutherland but that’s an excellent tackle from Michael Christie, and Zozi hold on…
…hold on a minute that’s been taken quickly, Auðbjörnsson! Goal Zozi! 1-0 to the visitors! Oh and Cazadores just went to sleep for that free-kick! It’s hit while Hardcheese is arranging the wall and that’s Auðbjörnsson, the only one alive to the ball, who controls on the chest and coolly finishes into the space! Quick thinking from Hawk, taken with aplomb by Auðbjörnsson, and on the balance of play you have to admit Zozi are unlikely leaders here at El Ruedo!
…all of the stadium is screaming for a penalty, but nothing doing! Lindauer here, she’s gone down, that’s a clear tug of the shirt from Storm Holsen, he’s hauled the striker to the floor. The crowd are livid… and Rook Cathar just stands there staring. I would not want to be in his way right now…
…an hour gone now, Lindauer heads the ball down but it’s behind Vidal, Sutherland arriving but that’s blocked brilliantly by Davidson…
…Valrauncion on the counter here, he’s past Jerquaad, whipped in to Baume! Saved by Hardcheese! And the rebound, it’s Carrick! and it’s blocked by Koranjo! End to end stuff here…
…here’s the substitution, it’s Menheniot and Vidal coming off, the Dainer duo of Aloha and Aranha arriving for the final push…
…played forward for Lindauer, back to Pridgeon, to Aloha… and Aranha! And ALOHAAAAA off the bar! from the Daineri! Oh, that was almost…
…almost 2-0! Excellent pull back from Hawk but that’s high from Baume, who couldn’t adjust for the bobble in the ball there…
…there’s a ball over to the wing and it’s Sutherland, first time ball to Aloha! And ARANHA saved by Breeze! It’s a corner…
…another corner…
…have forced another corner here, taken by Jerquaad, cleared by Christie, back in by Pridgeon, ARANHA! Blocked! ALOHA! Saved! Oh, what do Cazadores have to do to score?!…
…and it’s all over here at El Ruedo! Cazadores’s dream start comes to and end, and it’s AC Izotz Zubia who take the spoils. Caza will remain top, but they can be caught if Shamrock and 1830 can win their games in hand. Final score…


Matchday 7

Cazadores Cathair 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Auðbjörnsson ’28


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Cazadores Cathair 6 5 0 1 6 2 +4 15
2 KT Itzalovalle 5 4 0 1 11 3 +8 12
3 Oljestaden IF 5 3 1 1 17 8 +9 10
4 1830 Cathair 3 3 0 0 7 3 +4 9
5 KT Moreazerua 6 3 0 3 12 11 +1 9
6 AC Izotz Zubia 7 2 3 2 12 11 +1 9
7 Shamrock Cathair 3 2 1 0 6 4 +2 7

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Feb 10, 2020 6:26 pm

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…The Stadio Oromë has gone absolutely insane here! 35 minutes gone and Calcio Sicurezza have not only weathered the storm, but they lead! Dennis Våge leapt higher than everyone at the back post, it was his header back across goal that flummoxed the Shamrock defence, and it’s Petterson, the centre-half, who has time to chest the ball down and poke it into the corner. 1-0 here to Sicurezza, are the Northern Marauders about to inflict a first defeat of the season onto Shamrock Cathair?…

<INT the away changing room at Stadio Oromë. A number of tired men in green shirts sit slumped on the benches surrounding a trolley. The trolley once contained bottled water, glucose-based energy drinks and various protein-based foods, but those are all on the floor. A furious Apoxian man has violently disassembled the trolley and is now using its wheelbase to punctuate the points to his argument that he is currently screaming at the ceiling. Every time Rohan Cammers swears, he smashes the trolley’s wheel-base against the tiled floor>

“…can fuck off back to Bongo Bongo Land where you came from unless you can get your heads out of your arses long enough to pass the [expletive deleted] ball to each [expletive deleted] other. And another thing! Alex, if you can [expletive deleted] start using that massive [expletive deleted] chest of yours to [expletive deleted] get in the way of the [expletive deleted] ball when its played to you, we might just [expletive deleted] stand a [expletive deleted] chance over the next [expletive deleted] forty [expletive deleted] five [expletive deleted] minutes. You’re not [expletive deleted] Laborious [expletive deleted] Hawk, you’re not even [expletive deleted] Gordon [expletive deleted] Kellond, you’re a [expletive deleted]-housing Egloskerry [expletive deleted]-wit with broader [expletive deleted] shoulders than a [expletive deleted] Rhino on [expletive deleted] HGH so [expletive deleted] play to your [expletive deleted] strengths, is that [expletive deleted] alright? Is it too much to [expletive deleted] ask that you stop trying to [expletive deleted] flick the ball [expletive deleted] around like you’re some [expletive deleted] Farfy-[expletive deleted]-dilly-dally whoopsie-[expletive deleted]-doodle dandy [expletive deleted]. The only [expletive deleted] time I’m going to want you to [expletive deleted] turn and run onto a [expletive deleted] ball is when I’m filming your [deleted at request of law team] [expletive deleted] [deleted at request of law team] with your [expletive deleted] mother. You [expletive deleted] control the [expletive deleted] ball and you [expletive deleted] shield it and you [expletive deleted] wait and you [expletive deleted] wait more and if the midfield don’t [expletive deleted] arrive to create something then that’s their [expletive deleted] fault and I [expletive deleted] shout at [expletive deleted] them instead, and speaking of [expletive deleted] which, Yohan, Jay, Illya, Danira, if you don’t start [expletive deleted] getting [expletive deleted] forward and [expletive deleted] playing when you get your [expletive deleted] arses into their [expletive deleted] third of the [expletive deleted] pitch then I’m going to [extended violent sexual metaphor]…”

…Illya Karapetrov has been getting forward much more often, this is better from Shamrock, the ball is cut back to O’Tuathail, to Rosewing, danger here, Rosewing! Blocked! And again! 1-1! It’s the pony who smashes one past the elves, and Shamrock are right back in…
…to the middle where Crewe is waiting. Crewe backs into the defender, Pettersen is putting the big Apoxian under pressure but for nothing, Crewe lays the ball off for Yohan Millar who’s arriving! Millar! Rosewing! SAVED by Mathisen! That was an excellent opportunity…
..Opportunity from this corner, it’s whipped in, and there’s Jawallawallah! Saved! And GOAL! Swept in at the rebound! And it’s Crewe! Alexander Crewe for Shamrock! Whatever the gaffer told him in the dressing room has paid off, it’s 2-1 Shamrock as they turn this one around with thirty minutes still to play!…



Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1-2 Shamrock Cathair

Pettersen ’35
Rosewing ’51
Crewe ’60


<INT a large house on the outskirts of Cathair. Actually, the house isn’t particularly large by the standards of those around it - this is clearly a rich suburb - but there’s something about the doors and furniture that suggests the person living here needs all the space they can get. Shamrock Cathair’s number 11 sits on an over-sized sofa. Their name is Rosewing. They are unmistakeably a pony. Sitting just off camera is the unmistakeable voice of Jeremy Jaffacake. And the rest of him too, we assume>

JEREMY: Rosewing. You’ve been playing your football in Audioslavia now for just over a season. DId you ever have anyone like Rohan Cammers as a manager before?

ROSEWING: Hah. Erm, well yes, I’ve played under managers who are quite forceful and confident in their own abilities, which I think Rohan has in spades…

JEREMY: Is that how you’d describe him? Forceful and ‘confident in his own abilities’?

ROSEWING: I mean…

JEREMY: I mean, you wouldn’t call him a violent psychopath or anything?

ROSEWING: Honestly.. honestly he doesn’t give it both barrels with me as he does with everyone else. I mean.. I know how it is for some people. They see a pony with big pink wings and they don’t really know how to react. I think we have an understanding. He lets me just get on with my game. If I’m terrible, he’ll haul me off, if not, he’ll just let me do my thing.

JEREMY: Aldo Vocani arrived in pre-season. He’s got a lot of experience, a lot of goals to his name, are you not worried about losing your place to a man, a *man*, that the manager understands better than he does a… y’know. One of you.

ROSEWING: Not at all. I mean, yes, Rohan Cammers might be considered to possess some of the many characteristics of, as you say, a violent psychopath, but if anything the psychopathy acts in my favour. He wants whatever’s best for him and the team, and right now the thing that’s ‘best’ for the team is having a pony up front, galloping around and shitting everywhere

JEREMY: I.. what?

ROSEWING: Just kidding.

JEREMY: And… and Rohan’s style. It works when you want to get results in the short term, but do you not think there might be longer term psychological problems that emanate from your boss losing his shit twice a month

<Rosewing waits a little too long before answering the question>

ROSEWING: No. No of course n…

…not the greatest half of football we’ve ever seen here at Glass Bridge Stadium, Shamrock have failed, thus far, to break down Oljestaden as we kick off for the second half…
…chance that was! Alexander Crewe with the chest down, played square to Millar, the cross looping over Jäggman and there was Rosewing, but that’s excellently saved from Donato Castillo, proving himself worthy of having been selected over Istanjovich thus far…
…far from comfortable for the goalkeeper, who has to leap to tip Cocoabo #91’s shot around the post…
…off the post! Oh how close that was! Rosewing’s square ball and Alexander Crewe was there with the shot, Castillo was beaten all ends up but it’s off the woodwork! Oh Alexander Crewe…
…Crewe tries to flick one there and run onto it, but that’s well intercepted by Santiago Santiago, immediately down the line for Knudsen to run onto, Knudsen is on his own here with Jawallawallah and Osborne sprinting back, it’s Knudsen! Gets away from Osborne! KNUDSEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHNNNN OH WHAT A…



Shamrock Cathair 0–1 Oljestaden IF

Knudsen 74’


<INT Rohan Cammers’s manager’s office at Glass Bridge Stadium. Rohan is dressed in a green Shamrock Cathair-branded suit that you get the impression he’s being made to wear. Jeremy Jaffacake sits opposite him, nervously eyeing the police baton that Rohan is twirling as he speaks>

ROHAN (calmly): I know you think I’m a psychopath

JEREMY: No I…

ROHAN: I’ve heard it from a number of players. You’ve mentioned it twice. Typical media. You shout a bit and slightly alter a trolley and all of a sudden you’re space-Hitler

JEREMY: You’re what

ROHAN: But I’m not space-Hitler. I’m space-necessary. You think it’s easy managing Shamrock? We’ve got, what, the third biggest budget in the city? A little behind Caza, who seem to make money hand over fist in the transfer market, and light-years behind being as profitable as even 1830 Cathair’s second biggest cafe. We’re well behind Zozi and Mozi and even Itzi these days, probably Oljestaden too, in terms of how much money we make every week. When you’re in that position, you have to get the best out of your players, and I get the best out of my players however I see fit.

JEREMY: Listen I…

ROHAN: Listen Schmisten. We’ve played two games over these last two weeks. A win that should have been a loss and a loss that might have been a draw. Say I was all nicey-nicey to them and said it was okay that they were a goal down to Calcio Sicurezza. What then. Do they go out and win? No they do not. They’re a skilfull team. Let’s say they get a draw, then the next week, cos they haven’t been screamed at, they’re all positive and hold Oljestaden to a 1-1 draw. What do we end up with?

JEREMY: …

ROHAN: ..well?

JEREMY: Two points

ROHAN: ..and how many points have we gotten instead, doing shit my way?

JEREMY: Three. But the point is, Rohan, we’re talking long term here. Who’s to say your way is correct if your team goes to Artiglieria, a team you should beat, and lose? Or at least fail to win? What would that mean?

ROHAN: That’s just it. We won’t lose. The idea that there are long term flaws with my system is stupid

JEREMY: I suppose you’ll be proving that this Sunday

ROHAN: You bet your…

…Donker! Yes! 1-0! Artiglieria lead on fifty-five minutes! That’s an awful mistake from Jawallahwallah and Donker is there to sweep the ball home! Can Artiglieria take their first victory of the…
…seasoned professional like Crewe should not be behaving like that, he’s so close to being sent off here, a violent shove on Nancarrow as he tries to shield the ball…
…ball goes out of play, and we have a substitution here, it’s Rosewing who’ll leave the field to be replaced by the veteran Mrii, Aldo Vocani…
…Vocani’s too slow for that one, it’s cleared by Gordon and here come Artiglieria on the counter, it’s played in for Matt Branch, one-two with Silva, Branch! Ooohft that was so close to being two-nil! Branch from fully thirty-yards but it’s just wide of the goal…
…kick launched high, flicked on by Crewe to Vocani, and that’s good play from the Mrii, it’s laid off for Millar who’s brought down…
…into the box for VOCANI! GOAL! Aldo Vocani has equalised for Shamrock and it’s game on here! The header helps on the powerful cross and it’s straight into the corner…
….kick for Artiglieria, they’ve matched pace with Shamrock all day, it’s BRANCH! Wide! Oh a let-off for Shamrock…
…Shamrock’s defence are at sixes and sevens here, Miyazawa’s slipped and it’s Silva! SILVAAAAAAA…
…what a save that was to keep Shamrock in the game. Silva jinking down the left, smashed towards the far corner but Bombidillyo has done so well to tip that one wide…
…for another corner, just a minute to go of the ninety, Shamrock have been poor today but still they try to steal this one at the death. It’s played short for Karapetrov, whipped in to the box! VOCANI! IT’S IN! Shamrock have stolen it! Right at the death! Artiglieria’s players slump to the floor! Their awful start to the season will continue, it’s…



Artiglieria 1–2 Shamrock Cathair

Donker ’55
Vocani ’72, ’90

Matchday 10

The National League Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 1830 Cathair 6 5 1 0 17 5 +12 16
2 Cazadores Cathair 6 5 0 1 6 2 +4 15
3 Oljestaden IF 8 4 1 3 22 16 +6 13
4 Shamrock Cathair 6 4 1 1 10 7 +3 13
5 AC Izotz Zubia 9 3 4 2 18 16 +2 13
6 KT Itzalovalle 5 4 0 1 11 3 +8 12
7 AS Marcadia 6 2 4 0 22 14 +8 10
8 KT Moreazerua 7 3 1 3 15 14 +1 10
9 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 9 3 1 5 16 25 −9 10
10 Burdoc Ridge 6 2 2 2 10 13 −3 8
11 Bombarralense 6 2 0 4 12 17 −5 6
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 8 1 1 6 15 20 −5 4
13 Silexhera FC 6 1 1 4 7 14 −7 4
Tenth Star Hasiera 5 1 1 3 7 14 −7 4
15 Artiglieria 7 0 2 5 7 15 −8 2

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Feb 10, 2020 6:53 pm

Image
<Matchday footage. It’s colourful and shiny>
…It’s all over! Shamrock Cathair have won! They’ve beaten their Central rivals by two goals, and it’s onwards and upwards for Shamrock!

Shamrock Cathair 3–1 Burdoc Ridge
Crewe ’31

Jeph'dinoes ’41
Vocani ’53
Pilbersek ’56


<Matchday footage. It’s slightly grainy and everyone has stupid hairstyles>
…it’s all over! Shamrock Cathair have won! They’ve beaten their city rivals 1830 in their own stadium, but it’s their opposition who celebrate! It’s unbelievable! 1830 Cathair, two-nil down, thought the league title had slipped from their fingers! But the full time whistle has sounded in Izotzazubia! AC Izotz Zubia and The Syndicate’s Burgess FC can only draw! A win for either side would have snatched the title from the Audioslavian capital! Fligsive FC too! Fligsive could have taken it too, but what a result for Moreazerua to hold them to a draw! 1830 Cathair have been soundly defeated by Shamrock, but will win the title at their own stadium! Shamrock fans don’t know how to react. LigAnaia Season 2 has ended. Shamrock finish 9th, 1830 Cathair take their first LigAnaia title!

<INT Rohan Cammers's manager's office at Glass Bridge Stadium. Rohan Cammers watches the footage with a wry, rueful smile. The Shamrock Cathair manager adjusts his Shamrock Cathair tie, checks the Shamrock Cathair badge on the blazer that you can be sure he wouldn’t be wearing unless he was on TV, and says that was the greatest moment of my career>

“I’d made a bit of a name for myself in Apox, playing for Egloskerry. Especially in Audioslavia” he says, his eyes glazing over slightly as he remembers what is now a very distant past. “Apoxian football used to get a fair bit of air-time back when domestic football here was still amateur, when all the best Audioslavian players went abroad at 21 and never came back. Egloskerry captured the imagination. Wild and ‘provincial’ and culturally a little strange, especially for Audioslavians. And there I was, kicking people in the shins and shouting at the ref. I was a very Audioslavian player. Makes sense that I played in this country for so long.”

“1830 Cathair signed me for next to nowt and I went right into their midfield, playing behind Wilf. Wilf was the star. I looked up to him a lot. I think he respected me too, begrudgingly”

<Camera cuts to a different interview, this time with Wilf Lidgley wearing an Audioslavia National Team blazer.>
“Yeah Rohan Cammers is a horrible bastard”

<Cut back to Rohan>
“He said what?” says Rohan Cammers, with a grin. “Yeah I miss that kid. I used to rib him something awful when we were on the same team. I spent a week replacing all of his clothes with tu-tus once because he kept doing those stupid little turns.”
Rohan smiles, and his eyes glaze over a little once again. So much so that he barely hears the interviewer ask him his next question.
“Is that, coupled with Lidgley’s increasing influence at 1830 Cathair, possibly the reason why they let you go after just two seasons?”

“Hah” grunts Rohan. “Yeah. Yeah probably”
“You became a bit of a journeyman after that”
“You could say that, aye. Belight Wanderers in Mareibat for a cup of coffee, then back to Apox with Wrexton and then, after just a year or so there, on to Manechester City in Equestria on a free. First time my services hadn’t commanded a transfer fee. I was 30, of course”
“You were there for barely any time at all, too” said the interviewer
“Aye” said Rohan. “Aye well I got homesick didn’t I” says Rohan, looking back at the Shamrock Cathair crest. “Couldn’t wait to come back to Cathair”
“And you did” said the interviewer
“Yeah” said Rohan, starting to look a little sheepish.
“..to Cazadores Cathair”
“To Cazadores Cathair” repeated Rohan, nodding. “Caza had a great team back then. RJ Styrn had left, but we got Jonathan Faña in, the young San Jose Guayabelense…”
“‘We?’”
“Well it was a ‘we’ at the time, wasn’t it” says Rohan. “Lutheromano Reigns was there too, as a teenager. Big strapping young lad with stupid hair, he was. Always wearing a vest. Madness. Used to hang out with Serge Rollins and Edgar Ambrose all the time. That was quite the defensive shield I tell you. And then they brought me in to tear things up in midfield, on occasion, and they brought in a striker too, didn’t they? I forget his name”
“Do you?”
“Aye” says Rohan, grinning. “Slipped my mind”

<A different interview. Cazadores Cathair manager Rook Cathar>
“He said he doesn’t remember me? God he’s a horrible bastard”
“Tell us about Cazadores, back then” says the interviewer.
“It was a good time to be in Cathair, certainly. Maybe not at Cazadores. We were a strong team, maybe the third or fourth best in the country, but that was back in the days of the LigAnaia, y’know? We had Iskara Daii and Tele from Starblaydia and Hastmead Diamante and Firewood from Osarius, plus Comunas and Tyrellia from Legalese, and then there’s Zozi and 1830 too. Tough, tough league. To be honest, though, it’s probably my favourite time as a footballer”
“Even when 1830 Cathair won the UICA Champions Cup that year?”
“Well 1830 always won everything. It didn’t matter. We just played our game, kicked who we could and hoped for the best. Me and Rohan, we were similar types of player. Went straight for the jugular, despite that often being against the rules of football”

“Is that style something you’ve instilled in your team, do you think?”
“No” says Rook Cathar. “I mean, I suppose the players I get in naturally gravitate that way if they’ve been shouted at, by me, enough times, but I try to use every player to the best of their own abilities, and if they’re not that ‘type’, I don’t want to make them that type”

The interviewer asks the same question to Rohan Cammers. He responds with a short “Yup”

…Tenth Star Hasiera kick off, wearing dark blue, with Shamrock in their change strip of white and gold…
…Cazadores kick off, it’s their first league game for four weeks and so they should be favourites here against a Calcio Sicurezza team missing two key players…
…EARLY GOAL! And that has to take the wind out of Shamrock’s sails, it’s Alexander Ninestar! And Tenth Star have the lead! Can they hold on for only their second…
…victory here, surely, with two first half goals. The first coming from Francis Sutherland with a superb curler with the outside of the left boot, the second set up by Sutherland for Olimpia Vidal to slot home at the far post, and it’s 2-0 Cazadores as we go into the break…
…have come out of the break looking fired up, and here’s Colm O'Tuathail down the left for Shamrock, it’s cut back for Crewe! Mis-hit! ROSEWING! GOAL! What a substitution that is from Cammers! Vocani had been looking a little heavy-legged but you can’t say that about the Equestrian, and Shamrock are back in it here!…
…Rosewing galloping down the right, that’s a probing run from Millar and Rosewing’s found him! Millar! In for CREWE OOoohh over the bar! And you have to feel Shamrock should have had the lead here…
…here’s a MISTAKE from Koranjo! Oh no! And it’s Dennis Våge! To finish for 2-1! And from nowhere, with ten minutes to go, Calcio Sicurezza are somehow back in this! A guttural roar from the crowd! Cazadores’s victory isn’t looking quite so assured…
…assured in the box as Alexander Crewe? Nobody, that’s who. A very swift take and a crisp finish, and Shamrock Cathair have taken the lead. 2-1 here at Syndicate Stadium…
…stadium is absolutely deafening as Sicurezza force yet another corner! The big men are coming forward for this one, it’s curled in, away from Koranjo, back in from Campus! And WARDAK! GOAAAAL! GOAL FOR SICUREZZA! It’s 2-2! In injury time! Sicurezza have stolen one here! Oh and Rook Cathar looks on in utter disgust, you would not want to be a Cazadores player going back into that changing room…
…Shamrock Cathar have won, a convincing second half but they have blown so hot and cold recently. They’ll need to sort themselves out by next week. It’s the big one. Shamrock Cathair against cross-town rivals… 1830 Cathair


Matchday 12

Tenth Star Hasiera 1–2 Shamrock Cathair
Ninestar ‘9
Rosewing ’49
Crewe ’82


Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–2 Cazadores Cathair
Sutherland ’24
Vidal ’43

Våge ’80
Wardak ’90+1

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Tue Feb 11, 2020 8:28 pm

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<EXT various tourist attractions around the city of Cathair. A number of tourists are being interviewed and asked who their favourite Audioslavian football team is. Here are their responses>
“I support the Cathair”
“I am for Cathair”
“Cathair”
“Cataar”
“Cathayeer”
“I like the Izoztz Zobbie”
“Cahar”
“Izozizuzibia”
“Cathair”
“I am support Itzalotzazooby”
“Zozi”
“Cathair”
“Cathrare”
“Caaaata”
“Caaaaaaaaaaa”

<CUT to INT Rook Cathar’s manager’s office, and Cazadores manager Rook Cathar watching footage of the interviews on a screen>

“Do you see what our [expletive deleted] problem is? What are Cazadores Cathair called? ‘Cazadores’. Shamrock Cathair are ‘Shamrock’, what are 1830 Cathair called? ‘Cathair’. Not 1830, not any of the stupid nicknames they have - the tea-timers, the elders, the ‘lions’ despite the fact that both Caza and Shamrock have lions on their crests too, because the lion is the symbol of the bloody city, not the club… it makes me sick. And there’s the fact that everyone who supports them is either a clueless tourist who can’t even pronounce the name correctly or a complete fu…”

<CUT to INT Wilfred Lidgley’s manager’s office, situated at the Arena Kirola, home of both 1830 Cathair and the Audioslavian National Team. Lidgley played for 1830 Cathair for most of his career and managed the club for years before taking up the head-coaching position with the national team. He, like Rohan Cammers and Alexander Crewe, is an Apoxian who fell in love with Audioslavia’s capital city. The forthcoming World Cup - World Cup 84, will be his last for the national team. He’s rumoured to be returning to Apox for the first time in 25 years in his professional career. It stands to reason that he’s starting to feel sentimental>

“I mean I admit, 1830 Cathair’s fans can be a little on the fairweather side. It is a side-effect of success, mind. 1830 Cathair won the LigAnaia five times in fourteen seasons, often beating out the best from Starblaydia, Osarius, Legalese and the like. Domestic football in Audioslavia was built on the exploits of Cathair and Zozi at home and abroad. Both teams brought home the UICA Champions’ Cup at a time when few teams from Audioslavia were capable of competing in inter-national club football at even the most basic level. We got eyes on the LigAnaia, and after it The National League, by being good and being big. It’s natural that fans of smaller clubs, like Shamrock and Caza, would begrudge us, but…”

<CUT to INT Rohan Cammers’s manager’s office, the Shamrock Cathair manager is watching Wilf’s interview on a monitor>

“…[expletive deleted] that. [expletive deleted] that right out of the [expletive deleted] window. Let me tell you how 1830 Cathair came to prominence - and I should [expletive deleted] know, because I was [expletive deleted] there.”

“The LigAnaia is fondly remembered through claret-tinted spectacles as the days in which Audioslavian football clubs turned professional and exploded onto the international scene. Super Cups, Champions’ Cups, AOCLs supposedly fell into the laps of Zozi and Ca… Zozi and 1830 Cathair like popcorn onto your lap at the cinema. There’s so much more to it than that.

First of all, let’s get the elephant out of the room and [expletive deleted] him down the stairs and out the window. People like to bring up the fact that I played for 1830 Cathair. More so than the fact I also represented Cazadores before coming to Shamrock. They say it with almost reverence, the [expletive deleted]. Like, like my career meant something ‘cos I’d been on the books at that club. Like it’s proof that, deep down, I was a good football player after all. It’s complete [expletive deleted]. I was always a clod-hopping waster. Even at 1830 Cathair. Especially at 1830 Cathair. Because when I was at 1830 Cathair, 1830 Cathair were expletive deleted. Jesus, any average club could have won the first few seasons of the LigAnaia. Take this Tenth Star Hasiera team and they’d have stormed to the league title back in the day. You have to remember, for a lot of those early years, Audioslavian football was [expletive deleted], and it was even as [expletive deleted] as Syndicatian football.”

“The LigAnaia was built on the shoulders of the Syndicatians. They’d already had a domestic league that’d been playing for a couple of years, so their teams were drilled. Audioslavian clubs came in, six of them to Syndicatia’s eight, and the FFA poured oil and blood money into the Audioslavian clubs that it felt could compete. Oljestaden were one of the big sides early on, competing for the Globe Cup places against bigger sides with the cash injections it was getting from the government, winning the first COCANEFA Cup, but they missed out on an early league title that both Zozi and 1830 Cathair lucked their way to, and that was that for them.”

“When Starblaydi teams entered the league for season three, they were touted as being some of the biggest teams in the multiverse. Horse-shit. Iskara Daii were decades removed from their Champions League triumphs from the pre-UICA era. Still trading on the name of being the biggest club side in Starblaydi football, which is a bit like being the best janitor at the Folks’ Bank of Cathair. Impressive, sure, if you like watching people mop up shit for 90 minutes when the money being pumped to the opposite end of the building. Legalite teams joined soon after, then Osarian teams, but by then Audioslavian football had limped into the world’s top twenty and gotten itself two UICA Champions’ Cup spots, and by that time it was too late for the Osarians, who had actual proper clubs owned by actual proper people, to make a dent. The Primary Association gimmick killed Osarian teams as a force in UICA until they finally broke free of the LigAnaia yolk. COCANEFA’s and UICA’s rules meant it was nigh on impossible for any association to supplant that of Audioslavia or The Syndicate as the league’s ‘Primary Associations’. Audioslavian football was guaranteed at least one Champions Cup and two Globe Cup entrants, Syndicatia the same, and then more as their proper teams actually started doing well in UICA tournaments despite having the decks stacked against them at home. Osarian and Legalite and Starblaydi teams would have, what, one, two spots in the Champions Cup or the Globe Cup in total. They could never propel themselves onwards and upwards like Audioslavian teams could, and eventually the money that Zozi and 1830 Cathair were raking in from playing lucrative UICA matches started to tilt the balance even further.”

“All the money 1830 Cathair were making made it harder for Cazadores and Shamrock to do anything. We were like two mom-and-pops shops either side of a hypermarket. We couldn’t compete for fans, TV money, nothing. When 1830 Cathair won the Champions Cup and finished a whopping fourth in the LigAnaia, do you know where Shamrock Cathair were? Shamrock were down in the R49 with 48 other clubs. We finished 33rd. The season after? 44th. Shammers finished in the bottom half of the R49 every season bar one until the end of the LigAnaia period. Look at season thirteen. We were 39th. 1830 Cathair finished sixth in the top flight, in a league with five UICA CC spots, and still qualified for the UICA Champions’ Cup because of the Primary Association format. Audioslavian football had done so ‘well’ gaming the system that it was required by the rules that at least two Audioslavian clubs qualify for the CC. Osarius’s Hastmead Diamante finished fifth and were forced into the Globe Cup. It’s no wonder the LigAnaia disbanded.”

“Audioslavian football has always relied on Cathair and Zozi… 1830 Cathair and Zozi… doing well to boost the league’s standing on the international stage, while leaving none of the perks for the rest of us unless we really do well. That’s part of what made winning the league seven so appealing, finishing two points ahead of 1830 Cathair in second. The thing is, what did it change? Nothing. Zozi found money up their arses next season and blitzed the league, and then 1830 Cathair won it last season.”

“I know I played for that Cathair, but I have no affinity for them. And every, every single [expletive deleted] time we come up against them, I absolutely [expletive deleted] want to [expletive deleted] them as hard as I possibly…”

...can Shamrock Cathair put one over on their city-centre rivals here at the Glass Bridge stadium, or will it once again by 1830 Cathair to assert their dominance over their west-city rivals? We kick off here, Shamrock in green, 1830 Cathair in the famous blue and white stripes get us underway…
…way, way off target as Alexander Crewe scuppers the finish, oh what a chance that was for Shamrock…
…Shamrock have gotten off lightly there, and oh how furious Espy va Drake is with himself after that miss. Let clean through on goal and that shot is hooked just beyond the far post…
…post! Oh so close! Steve Erickson at the far post climbing all over Jawallawallah, no hint of a free-kick, yet the header is over the bar…
…over the bar from Vocani, who grimaces. What an effort that was from fully thirty…
…yards! Saaaved by Bombidillyo, and acrobatically too…
…much power on that as Rickson Marañón sends that one high and…
…and Shamrock will kick us off for the second half, still goal-less here…
…while over in eastern Cathair, Cazadores remain tied at one a-piece with a high-flying Oljestaden side, Kyran Knudsen has netted yet another goal. That’s four in four games for the winger…
…winger Yohann Millar’s ball was too high for Vocani arriving at the back post, that was a golden opportunity for Shamrock…
…Shamrock make a change here, it’s Rosewing on for Vocani as Shamrock look to inject a little place up front…
…front of the defender as the ball was played, it’s rightfully disallowed! A let-off for Shamrock as Shakira Handris holds their head in their hands! Handris thought they’d scored the opener…
..THE OPENING GOAL! AND WHAT AN IMPORTANT GOAL THAT MIGHT PROVE TO BE!!! IT’S LES JAWALLAWALLAHHHHHHHH 1-0 Shamrock! Looped over from Karapetrov’s corner and the young Apoxian bullets that one into the corner…
…INTO THE CORNER OF THE GOAL! And The Glass Bridge Stadium has gone absolutely mental here! It’s 2-0! Rosewing! Rosewing with an excellent strike! Rohan Cammers punches the air! Cathair manager Lee Sharp can only grimace in disgust, the lions have been tamed here in western Cathair! It’s…


Shamrock Cathair 2–0 1830 Cathair
Jawallawallah ’77
Rosewing ’85


Cazadores Cathair 1–1 Oljestaden IF
Knudsen ’14
Pridgeon ’36

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 9 7 1 1 17 9 +8 22
2 1830 Cathair 8 6 1 1 25 11 +14 19
3 KT Itzalovalle 8 6 1 1 19 8 +11 19
4 Oljestaden IF 11 5 3 3 27 20 +7 18
5 Cazadores Cathair 8 5 2 1 9 5 +4 17


<INT Rohan Cammers’s Manager’s office. The Apoxian looks as smug as a cat that has earned cream by disproving your argument by shitting on your rug. He says:>

“We’re not going to dwell on the result. We’re going to keep pushing and make sure we stay ahead of them [expletive deleted] from central Cathair. Mark my words. Shamrock Cathair are atop the league and we’re here to stay!”

…Sports news now, and a huge upset at the top of the table as Shamrock Cathair are well beaten by AS Marcadia in Padia, while cross-town rivals Cazadores can only draw with bottom-of-the-table Artiglieria…
…off-week for Shamrock as Cazadores rely on a last-minute strike from Olimpia Vidal to rescue all three points against struggling Burdoc Ridge…
….against newcomers Bombarralense to silence the doubters, Rosewing the scorer of two goals with a third coming from O’Tuathail…
…Cazadores, meanwhile, leave it late to secure victory over struggling Tenth Star Hasiera


Matchday 14

AS Marcadia 2–0 Shamrock Cathair
Caceres ’58
Menderchuk ’64

Artiglieria 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Calvez ’11
Sutherland ’81
Matchday 15

Cazadores Cathair 3–2 Burdoc Ridge
Lindauer ’18, ’35

Jeph'dinoes ’21
Bowden ’28
Vidal ’87
Matchday 16

Shamrock Cathair 3–2 Bombarralense
Rosewing ’37, ’42
O’Tuathail ’62

Davis ’74
Franken ’80

Tenth Star Hasiera 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Monterroso ’84


<EXT just outside Cazadores Cathair's training ground, the crew meet up with long-time Caza midfielder Bryton Menheniot, who's been at the club since he was a young boy>

“When it comes to the 1830 Cathair rivalry.. I don’t feel it as strongly as the boss, and definitely not as strongly as Rohan Cammers does. Or, at least, I don’t feel that level of hatred. Cathair never rejected me. And yes, I call them ‘Cathair’ and I don’t feel that demeans us at all. We are Cazadores and we don’t need the city name for people to know where we are and who we are. If it was up to me, we’d just take the word ‘Cathair’ out of our name. We have enough fans to fill the stadium without needing to attact tourists, but then the board tell me we need that international recognition for other things, so the name stays.”

“When Cazadores play Cathair.. when my Cazadores play Cathair.. we don’t try to beat them out of hate or out of a feeling of being slighted. We don’t have a chip on our shoulder like Shamrock do. We turned professional a few years after Shamrock and Cathair were busy playing in the LigAnaia and we quickly jumped from the capital’s third team to it’s second. Briefly, a couple of years ago, we were first. We finished ahead of Cathair three seasons in a row, winning the title once. We don’t have the silverware of Cathair, or even Shamrock, who have a Vilitan Cove Invitational to their name. We’re in that cup this year and we’ll try to win the tournament, we’re more than capable of it. We have a league title and one domestic cup, just like Shamrock, but we’ve never hit the lows that they’ve hit for had the hubris they’ve had. Spending all those years mired in the bottom reaches of the LigAnaia, doing so badly in the Challengers’ Cup this season whereas Cathair got straight out of their group in the IFCF Champions League… No. When my Cazadores play Cathair, we do it for the fans. For those who love Caza and those who hate the tea-timers and everyone between. The atmosphere at El Ruedo for those games in second to none, better than any Zozi/Cathair game you could mention. The air sparkles, your hair stands on end, you feel every missed chance and save and goal more an order of magnitude more strongly than you do in any other game. It’s football, it’s why we do this. I don’t particularly get nervous about football matches, but there’ll be butterflies in my stomach come kick-off, I’ll tell you that…”

…that’s an excellent opportunity for Pristina Shine and it’s well held by Harcheese. 1830 Cathair have been the better team so far, but it’s early days here’s at…
…the far post is VIDAL! No! Saved by Tucunduvá! And cleared away by Valentini….
...Valentini here, played through to Thorsten Kramer, and it’s Kramer to va Drake, danger here! Shinra! KRAMER! Wide! A gasp of relief from the stadium! Harcheese was rooted to the spot and could only watch the shot fade agonisingly wide from 20 yards…
..from 20 yards! Saved by Hardcheese! What a strike from Dean Sharp but the Cazadores goalkeeper is equal to that one…
…one-two with Pridgeon and Lindauer is through here! It’s Lindaueeeerrrrr no! Tucunduvá gets down low and beats the ball clear! Good lord, what score would we be on now if it wasn’t for the two Daineri goalkeepers…
…goalkeepers signal they’re ready to start, and we’re back underway here at El Ruedo, Caza in red making one change, it’s Koranjo coming on for Menheniot as Rook looks to shore up the defence, Iago Cacho will move up from centre-half to cover at defensive midfield…
…Cacho oooh it’s given away! Here’s Soldarian, straight to va Drake! VA DRAAAAAKE No! Side-netting! And that is a let off for the young Audioslavian defender…
…defender goes into the book here, it’s Koranjo who looks disgusted with the referee, free-kick for 1830 Cathair in a dangerous position…
…positioned well to stop that one, it was curled up and over the wall but Hardcheese is on hand to tip that one over the bar comfortably…
…corner to 1830 Cathair with just thirty minutes to go now…
…twenty minutes to go and still it’s 1830 Cathair who press, the ball played forward for Winrôuge the substitute, wearing the ’01’ shirt…
…with ten minutes to go to hold out, but they were so close to going behind! Winrôuge to va Drake, va Drake to Shine but it’s off the outside of the post with Hardcheese beaten and the defence in disarray…
…in disarray here! Cathar stands and glares but there’s nothing he can do, Inteali Koranjo is sent from the field, and Cazadores will have to fight on with ten players!…
…just like yesterday’s game in Silexhera where Shamrock lost Crewe and Jawallawallah and then lost their heads, losing by a goal to nil…
…SAVED by Hardcheese! What a game for the Daineri rock, there’s no holes in this cheese that’s for sure…
…shore up the defence once again, it’s Oscar Veloso who will be Cathar’s final substitution for Cazadores, coming on for a very tired Olimpia Vidal…
…and Caza can break here! There’s a man over on the far side if Lindauer can find him… they can! It’s Sutherland on the left! Sutherland bearing down on goal! Sutherland! Still Sutherland! SUTHERLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…


Matchday 17
Cazadores Cathair 1–0 1830 Cathair
Sutherland ’88


Silexhera FC 1–0 Shamrock Cathair
Pace ’77


<INT the manager’s office of Rook Cathar. The Cazadores boss looks as smug as a sentient BMW watching a slightly older BMW pull up alongside it>
“Another thing Cazadores have over Shamrock is that we won’t go and get a rubbish result against AS Marcadia just after having beaten our local…”

Matchday 18

AS Marcadia 0–0 Cazadores Cathair

Shamrock Cathair 1–0 KT Itzalovalle
H. Hoogervoorst ’28


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 13 9 1 3 21 14 +7 28
2 Cazadores Cathair 13 8 4 1 15 8 +7 28

3 1830 Cathair 13 8 3 2 32 14 +18 27
4 KT Itzalovalle 13 8 2 3 27 13 +14 26
5 KT Moreazerua 13 7 2 4 23 19 +4 23
6 Bombarralense 13 7 1 5 30 26 +4 22
7 AC Izotz Zubia 13 5 6 2 28 23 +5 21
8 Oljestaden IF 14 5 5 4 33 27 +6 20
9 AS Marcadia 13 4 6 3 35 30 +5 18
10 Silexhera FC 14 5 3 6 20 24 −4 18
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 14 4 3 7 23 34 −11 15
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 13 3 2 8 29 33 −4 11
13 Burdoc Ridge 14 2 3 9 20 33 −13 9
14 Artiglieria 14 1 3 10 18 35 −17 6
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 13 1 2 10 11 32 −21 5


Join us next week, for a top-of-the-table clash between two sides you may well be familiar with.
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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:49 pm

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<INT Shamrock's team bus. Journalist Rubio Sanchez is interviewing various players as they make their way across the city for the match against rivals Cazadores.

JAY VAN BEUREN: It's the 'other' derby, isn't it? Both sets of fans make a point of pretending not to make a big deal of it. As far as Cazadores fans are concerned, their team's rivals are 1830 Cathair and that's that. We 'don't matter' to them. We're not on their level. It's all horseshit."

DANIRA PLIBERSEK: Our fans do the same thing. We like to say 1830 Cathair are our personal rivals and that Caza are beneath us. In reality, Shamrock and Cazadores are very much alike in our standing in world football. That's what both sets of fans hate. The other team is a mirror being held up to themselves, showing the flaws in each team.

OSMAN CANDELO: Obviously I'd like to be playing but, well, at 34 years old my role has been cut. I'm going to be a substitute, I know this, so if we need someone to create chances late in the game, I will be there.

ROHAN CAMMERS: Osman was a star player for a while here, but in Plibersek and van Beuren we have two very solid midfielders. Danira used to be box-to-box, but they spend more time in the centre these days and, honestly, it's improving Danira's game to not be knackering themselves out chasing things. van Beuren sits in front of the defence and murders anything that comes near him, and the creativity comes from the wings

COLM O'TUATHAIL: Aye I'm dead proud of what I've done here so far. The team are flying, and the boss has told me to concern myself only with getting forward and creating. Danira and Jay clean up after me if I make a mistake. It feels like a luxury but, I suppose, as long as the team keep winning I'll get to keep doing that. Losing to Silexhera the other week made me a bit nervous, to be honest.

YOHAN MILLAR: It made *you* nervous? I got a shoe thrown at my head.

RUBIO: Rohan Cammers threw his shoe at your head?

YOHAN: No, he threw 'a' shoe at my head.

ATSUHIRO MIYAZAWA: It was my shoe. He demanded I gave it to him. Threatened to his me with his shoe if I didn't. I don't know why I gave it to him. He'd already thrown both his own shoes at the referee.

YOHAN: I think he even said 'shoe!' as he did it. Like he was saying 'shoo'

RUBIO: How come he hasn't been banned for that?

YOHAN: Ref's back was turned. Turned towards his own locker, supposedly.

ATSUHIRO: Some say he was looking for his shoes.

<INT the dining room at Cazadores Cathair's training complex, where the Caza team are eating their pre-match meal. Lots of bread, fish and rice. Jeremy Jaffacake is interviewing various Caza players>

ROOK CATHAR: I expect all the talk among the Shamrock players is over how big this derby is

JEREMY: Rubio tells me they were mainly talking about shoes

ROOK: Huh.

DANE PRIDGEON: They're an odd lot, those boys. Weird rivals to have.

BRYTON MENHENIOT: They're not technically our rivals though, eh? 1830 Cathair, those are our rivals.

JEREMY: Actually Rubio was saying that...

BRYTON (interrupting): Yeah yeah, Shamrock are rivals too, but it's not quite the same. Caza have been going toe-to-toe with 1830 Cathair these last few years. Same amount of league titles over the last seven seasons

OLIMPIA VIDAL: You could say the same about Shamrock though

BRYTON: Balls. I've been at Caza since I was a kid. I've been through the last few years as a Caza player. We've been equal to or better than them. The COCANEFA rankings prove it. We've spent a lot of time ahead of them. I mean look at this graph.

OLIMPIA: Put your phone away, I know what the rankings have looked like. The fact is, Shamrock and Cazadores and 1830 Cathair are all at a very similar level. Right now, it's us as Shamrock at the top of the league. We need to forget Eighteen Thirty Whoever. Shamrock are in front of us

FRANCIS SUTHERLAND: Aye and we're goantae knock they [expletive deleted] doon. Their jaiket's oan a shoogly peg an aw

RUBIO: I'm sorry what

AURELIO SAEZ: He always talks like that. As long as he keeps bombing forward up the wing and creating goals we don't mind.

ROOK: More of the same today, Francis

FRANCIS: Aye

ROOK: As long as we get off to a good start, we should be...

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Matchday 19

Cazadores Cathair 0–3 Shamrock Cathair
Millar ’12
Crewe ’17, ’24


The National League

KT Itzalovalle 1–1 Bombarralense
KT Moreazerua 2–1 AS Marcadia
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–3 1830 Cathair
AC Izotz Zubia 4–3 Tenth Star Hasiera

HALFWAY STAGE
The National League Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Shamrock Cathair 14 10 1 3 24 14 +10 31
2 1830 Cathair 14 9 3 2 35 14 +21 30
3 Cazadores Cathair 14 8 4 2 15 11 +4 28
4 KT Itzalovalle 14 8 3 3 28 14 +14 27
5 KT Moreazerua 14 8 2 4 25 20 +5 26
6 AC Izotz Zubia 14 6 6 2 32 26 +6 24
7 Bombarralense 14 7 2 5 31 27 +4 23
8 Oljestaden IF 14 5 5 4 33 27 +6 20
9 AS Marcadia 14 4 6 4 36 32 +4 18
10 Silexhera FC 14 5 3 6 20 24 −4 18
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 14 4 3 7 23 34 −11 15
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 14 3 2 9 29 36 −7 11
13 Burdoc Ridge 14 2 3 9 20 33 −13 9
14 Artiglieria 14 1 3 10 18 35 −17 6
15 Tenth Star Hasiera 14 1 2 11 14 36 −22 5

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:54 pm

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Earlier in the season, we tried to get Rook Cathar and Rohan Cammers into the same room to talk some football. They declined. We asked again after the half-way point of the season, following Shamrock’s 3-0 away win over Cazadores. Rohan agreed, grinning as he did so. Rook Cathar also gave the go-ahead.

<INT a roped-off corner in a bar in eastern Cathair, just a few hundred metres from Cazadores’s El Ruedo stadium. Rook Cathar is dressed smart-casual, in what looks like an expensive white shirt (probably two expensive white shirts cut together to fit someone of Rook’s stature), black trousers and shiny black shoes. Rohan Cammers, who is just arriving, is wearing a god-awful shirt in two shades of light blue with a white collar, and is sporting a burberry flat-cap. Already sitting at the small table for three is Jeremy Jaffacake, wearing a trilby and a big dirty coat. Rohan Cammers has a pint of lager, Rook has a glass of wine that looks larger than the pint glass. Jeremy Jaffacake has a glass of whisky with ice and a straw and an umbrella. He also has a tablet>

ROOK: Good to see you, Rohan. You haven’t changed a bit.

ROHAN: You’ve somehow gotten bigger and scarier

ROOK: Yeah this all used to be muscle at one point. I’m transitioning into a big fat guy

ROHAN: Speaking of transitioning, Jeremy is rapidly becoming an old woman. What’s with the ice, straw and umbrella?


JEREMY: It’s how you’re supposed to drink whisky

ROHAN: In space, maybe. Ah, anyway. Being around here brings back memories. Back when I was playing for Cazadores I lived up the road

ROOK: I remember. You still managed to be late for training every day

ROHAN: It wasn’t every day.

JEREMY: What do you remember about that time? Rook and Rohan both playing for Cazadores?

ROOK: I remember having to learn how to play with only 10 men for the final twenty minutes when Rohan lost his shit and assaulted their playmaker

ROHAN: I *never* lost my shit. I was always completely calm when I was tearing people’s meniscus in half.

ROOK: Meniscus? You’ve been reading a dictionary.


ROHAN: Not quite. A rubbish meniscus is what stopped me playing

ROOK: That and, by the end, you were slower to turn than yoghurt.

ROHAN: Says the human oil tanker over here

JEREMY: Anyway gentlemen. Here, I’m going to show you two pictures. You’re going to do a bit of word association. Tell me what you think about one, or both. Is that okay?

ROOK: Fire away

JEREMY: Right then. First up:
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ROHAN: Ah, I see. We’re comparing rivals, are we?

JEREMY: Well this show is rather about rivalries

ROOK: All I can see is two yo-yos

ROHAN: Didn’t both teams go about ten years without being in the top flight together? One’d get relegated as soon as the other got promoted. Literally this town ain’t big enough for the both of us

ROOK: Tout-Puissant occasionally have a decent team. Nothing to show for it th… wait when did Tenth Star win an ‘International Trophy’

ROHAN: Series B Champions’ Cup. Over ten seasons ago now.

ROOK: You’re counting those?

JEREMY: Apparently. Which team is better?

ROOK: Tout-Puissant. Tenth Star should be called ‘Three Points Hasiera’.

ROHAN: Aye, a diddy team. The diddiest.

JEREMY: Next up:
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ROOK: Oh god, Osarese

ROHAN: I’ll be honest, they scare the willies out of me

ROOK: AS Marcadia have always been pretty strong, absolutely beatable though. Osarese.. I don’t know yet. They’ve never been in the top flight but they’ve skipped up the leagues at record pace.

ROHAN: Dominating the second flight. We’ll see what they’re made of next season.

ROOK: You want us to say which is better?

JEREMY: *nods*

ROOK: I have to go for AS Marcadia. Osarese aren’t tested yet.

ROHAN: I’ll have to pass.

JEREMY: Fair do’s. Here’s another one:
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ROHAN: The enemy!

ROOK: Both of them. Bloody hell, look how many trophies they have. Cathair with more international trophies than Caza and Shamrock have medals put together

ROHAN: ‘1830’ you mean. Not ‘Cathair’

ROOK: Same thing. I could not for the life of me tell you which is ‘better’. Heart says 1830 Cathair, but Zozi have more domestic trophies.

ROHAN: Zozi more dominant recently, but 1830 are the champions. AOCL, Champions Cup, Cygnus Cup, somehow despite only winning the Audioslavian cup once

ROOK: It was the COCANEFA Cup, I think. A little more impressive. I think I’d have to go for Cathair

ROHAN: Nah. Zozi for me. Zozi have been unplayable recently. The league’s as strong as its ever been and they’ve won three out of the last five. 1830 Cathair won last season. You remember the other team to win it in the last five seasons, Rook?

ROOK: I do. I congratulated you

ROHAN: I wouldn’t call a friendly, celebratory punch in the mouth ‘congratulations’ but hey, I took it.

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ROOK: Ah, the ‘norf’.

ROHAN: I tell you something I can’t stand. It’s going up north in the springtime to bloody Oljestaden. The atmosphere is entirely made of dust and it’s about a kajlillion degrees.

ROOK: You don’t remember playing at Isle of Kjeligsted

ROHAN: Kjelstad in autumn is even worse but at least they have the decency to stay in the second division most of the time. Oljestaden are the better side. It’s not even close.

ROOK: Oljestaden. Yeah. They’re a weird team but they’re always tough to beat. ‘Cup specialists’ back in the day, too. Not many teams won the COCANEFA Cup *and* the Kirola Cup.

ROHAN: I think it’s just them.

ROOK: Oljestaden the better of the two.

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ROHAN: These two aren’t rivals

ROOK: They’re the only big-ish sides in the west of Audioslavia, not including Silexhera.

ROHAN: Burdoc like to think they’re our rivals.

ROOK: They are

ROHAN: Our rivals are 1830 Cathair

ROOK: Let’s not start this again. Burdoc by a mile. Next.

ROHAN: Yeah. Burdoc.

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ROOK: Okay , these two are rivals.

ROHAN: But does anybody care?

ROOK: Of course. Perhaps not now that Sparta are languishing in the R41. Excelsior have always had the prettier badge. I’ll go for them.

ROHAN: Sparta. Just to be different.

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ROHAN: I’ve never understood why Audioslavia’s elven immigrants settled in Padia. When I think of elves I rarely think ‘pizza’.

ROOK: Vanor-Audioslavians are rarely actual elves

ROHAN: Anyway, Elfi for this one. Tenacious.

ROOK: Artiglieria are traditionally the better team. They did what Osarese are doing now, which is a warning for Osarese…

ROHAN: Because Artiglieria have been awful this season.

ROOK: Still. On traditional strength, I’ll go for Artiglieria.

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ROHAN: Not this is a rivalry.

ROOK: They both hate Zozi more than they hate each other. A bit like us with Cathair, Rohan.

ROHAN: 1830. And aye, maybe. Mozi have been the better team over the last ten seasons, so Mozi. Itzi were hilarious for a few years

ROOK: A year after they got relegated for the first time in their history, the league was restructured so that the best five teams from the then-ten-team second tier got promoted. Itzi missed out.

ROHAN: They were garbage.

ROOK: Yeah. Mozi.

Image

ROHAN: Lusitaninha is a weird place with weird clubs. Bombarralense. They’ve done well this year.

ROOK: I hate playing against them. Santa Margarida I could deal with. The Bombers.

Image

ROOK: If we’re going on rivals, it should really be Feri and Itzi. They’re from the same city and despise each other.

ROHAN: Feri are in the second flight though. Barely. They fell like a stone after last being in the top division.

ROOK: Easily the biggest stadium in the second tier. Still. They’ve always been better than Kozi.

ROHAN: Did Kozi win the SBCC too?

ROOK: They did. Feri won the Kirola Cup once though, which I’d put as the bigger tournament.

ROHAN: Fair .

Image

ROHAN: These two aren’t rivals.

ROOK: You’re quite the expert on which teams aren’t rivals, aren’t you?

ROHAN: They’re not though. It’s a four hour drive from one place to the other.

ROOK: Yeah. Eletti were always AS Marcadia’s big rivals, until they started playing dreadful football.

ROHAN: Laranjauzia are the diddiest of the teams in Herradura.

ROOK: No arguments here. Eletti the better.

ROHAN: Yup. Eletti the betty.

Image

ROHAN: Well now you’re really scraping the barrel. These teams are two divisions apart, how can they be rivals?

ROOK: Both have played in the last 32 of the World Cup, if you ask some people.

ROHAN: What?!

ROOK: Some people say Lemmitania State are the successor team to the Lemmitania National Team.

ROHAN: Balls

ROOK: Same with Silexhera FC. Silexhera’s NT played in World Cup… what was it… 48? 47?

ROHAN: Also balls. They’re just club teams, regardless of the name or their colours. They buy foreigners.

JEREMY: Whatever you say. And, the penultimate slide…

Image

ROHAN: You’ve used our old crest.

ROOK: It’s better than the new one.

ROHAN: Well maybe. The best team here is…

ROOK: Shamrock

ROHAN: Sha… wait what?

ROOK: I’m kidding. We’re the best.

ROHAN: No you. Shamrock have…

JEREMY (interrupting) We thought you’d get into a hilarious argument, but we also don’t want a fight, so we’ll go straight to the final slide.

Image

ROOK: Ah yes. The other other Cathair derby.

ROHAN: United Cathair are horrible hipster douchebags. Did you see that tweet they sent out.

ROOK: Well ‘Seamróga’ is a bit of a silly name.

ROHAN: It’s traditional. Anyway. Both the hipsters and the feminists got dumped out of tier two last season. Neither are particularly worth watching.

ROOK: Both have been becoming more and more popular, though

ROHAN: So has Fornite

ROOK: You don’t know what Fortnite is

ROHAN: I know it’s cool to hate it. Anyway. I’ll go for Guerrilla

ROOK: I’ll go for United Cathair. They’re going to give you a game next week

ROHAN: We’ll roll over them. Shamrock have only ever won one Kirola Cup and it’s high-time we won another.

ROOK: Full strength line-up?

ROHAN: With the league up for grabs? No way. Our reserves will be more than capable of…

…massive upsets in the Kirola Cup, as Shamrock Cathair bow out of the Kirola Cup on penalty kicks to nearby poor relations United Cathair….
…United Cathair, of division three, equalised in the final minutes as an under-strengthed Shamrock tried to cling onto their lead, and were victorious in the shoot-out...
...elsewhere in Cathair, Rook Cathar was in philisophical mood as a similarly under-powered Caza crashed out of the tournament, losing 3-0 to....


United Cathair FC 1–1 Shamrock Cathair (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Reina Del Sud 3–0 Cazadores Cathair

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Feb 14, 2020 5:43 pm

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…and the full time whistle blows! Shamrock Cathair, fresh from their cup humiliation, have been beaten here! Dieter Konoval’s header is the difference, it’s Mozi 1, Shamrock 0…
…Goal! What a goal! And Tout-Puissant have stolen it! Right at the end! It’s Bousquet! You can hear a pin drop here in the Glass Bridge Stadium! It’s three defeats on the bounce for Shamrock!
…and it’s full time! Silexhera have held on, Cazadores only needed a point to go top, and they couldn’t manage even that! Silexhera 1, Cazadores 0 as Rook Cathar storms up the tunnel…
…Cazadores have bounced back to take victory here! They will keep the pressure on leaders Moreazerua and remain a point ahead of Izotz Zubia who have sauntered past a very lacklustre Shamrock Cathair…


Matchday 20

The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 2–1 1830 Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 2–4 AS Marcadia
KT Moreazerua 1–0 Shamrock Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 5–1 Bombarralense
KT Itzalovalle 1–0 Silexhera FC

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 15 10 1 4 24 15 +9 31
2 Cazadores Cathair 15 9 4 2 20 12 +8 31
3 1830 Cathair 15 9 3 3 36 16 +20 30
4 KT Itzalovalle 15 9 3 3 29 14 +15 30
5 KT Moreazerua 15 9 2 4 26 20 +6 29
6 AC Izotz Zubia 15 7 6 2 34 27 +7 27
7 Bombarralense 15 7 2 6 32 32 0 23
Matchday 21

The National League
Silexhera FC 1–0 Cazadores Cathair
Bombarralense 0–1 KT Moreazerua
Shamrock Cathair 0–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
AS Marcadia 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
Oljestaden IF 5–3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 KT Moreazerua 16 10 2 4 27 20 +7 32
2 Shamrock Cathair 16 10 1 5 24 16 +8 31
3 Cazadores Cathair 16 9 4 3 20 13 +7 31
4 1830 Cathair 15 9 3 3 36 16 +20 30
5 KT Itzalovalle 15 9 3 3 29 14 +15 30
6 AC Izotz Zubia 16 8 6 2 35 27 +8 30
7 Oljestaden IF 15 6 5 4 38 30 +8 23
Matchday 22

The National League
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–1 Artiglieria
AC Izotz Zubia 2–0 Shamrock Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 0–0 Bombarralense
KT Moreazerua 1–0 Silexhera FC
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 KT Itzalovalle

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 KT Moreazerua 17 11 2 4 28 20 +8 35
2 Cazadores Cathair 17 10 4 3 22 13 +9 34
3 AC Izotz Zubia 17 9 6 2 37 27 +10 33
4 Shamrock Cathair 17 10 1 6 24 18 +6 31
5 1830 Cathair 15 9 3 3 36 16 +20 30
6 KT Itzalovalle 16 9 3 4 29 16 +13 30
7 Bombarralense 17 7 3 7 32 33 −1 24


<VARIOUS: We see footage of Shamrock manager Rohan Cammers taking his team for training. A montage of training drills set to music, with occasional voice-overs from Cammers>

“The break couldn’t have come at a worse time for us. Top of the league, in the best form I’ve seen us in for years, we could have done with playing game after game but no. A winter break. Just a week and a half, but it was enough. We were awful in the cup match, and then to come back and lose three on the trot was bad, but now we have another break. The way the league works, every team has a few matchdays off here and there. Right now it’s our turn. We get to watch our rivals slog it out on the sleet while we drop down the table like a stone. It isn’t my idea of fun”

Matchday 23

The National League
KT Itzalovalle 0–0 KT Moreazerua
Silexhera FC 0–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Bombarralense 3–2 AC Izotz Zubia
Burdoc Ridge 2–4 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Artiglieria 0–5 Oljestaden IF

The National League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 KT Moreazerua 18 11 3 4 28 20 +8 36
2 Cazadores Cathair 17 10 4 3 22 13 +9 34
3 AC Izotz Zubia 18 9 6 3 39 30 +9 33
4 KT Itzalovalle 17 9 4 4 29 16 +13 31
5 Shamrock Cathair 17 10 1 6 24 18 +6 31
6 1830 Cathair 15 9 3 3 36 16 +20 30
7 Bombarralense 18 8 3 7 35 35 0 27
8 Oljestaden IF 16 7 5 4 43 30 +13 26


“The very idea of a ‘game in hand’ is just… offensive. People treat it like you’ve already got the three points from each of them. Even the players do. “Oh, we’re just five points behind but we’ve a game in hand, so it’s basically two”. And then with this league you end up having played three less than everyone else, so your fans are like ‘well it’s nine points the gap, and we’ve got nine points in hand, so we’re basically joint top. It doesn’t work like that. Never has. Those games, you can feel the pressure. Even watching our title rivals cancel each other out doesn’t help. We’re going to go into our next three games fighting for our lives. We’ll be knackered after those three games, but then it continues. To win the league, or get high enough up it to satisfy your fans, your employers, it’s a fight. Like every other part of football. It’s a fight to the death”

…Cazadores nil, Moreazerua nil, it’s ‘as you were’ at the top, especially with Zozi failing to capitalise on what should have been a home banker against Silexhera..

]Matchday 24

The National League
Oljestaden IF 5–1 Burdoc Ridge
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 3–2 Tenth Star Hasiera
AC Izotz Zubia 1–1 Silexhera FC
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–0 KT Itzalovalle
KT Moreazerua 0–0 Cazadores Cathair

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 KT Moreazerua 19 11 4 4 28 20 +8 37
2 Cazadores Cathair 18 10 5 3 22 13 +9 35
3 AC Izotz Zubia 19 9 7 3 40 31 +9 34
4 KT Itzalovalle 18 9 4 5 29 17 +12 31
5 Shamrock Cathair 17 10 1 6 24 18 +6 31
6 1830 Cathair 15 9 3 3 36 16 +20 30
7 Oljestaden IF 17 8 5 4 48 31 +17 29
8 Bombarralense 18 8 3 7 35 35 0 27


“And then there’s your rivals. 1830 Cathair have played two games fewer than us, four fewer than Mozi at the top, with a gap of only seven points. The pressures on them, too, but with their squad they can chop and change until they get the right combination for each match. “

“It gets to the point where the table is just a lie. You need to be a mathematish-boffin to calculate which team is really in the driving seat. Is it Cazadores? Us? 1830? Who [expletive deleted] knows”

…and it’s all over! Cazadores get the win they needed, they go top of the league with nine games to go.. or twelve if you’re 1830 Cathair… or eight if you’re Zozi… it really is anyone’s title…

Matchday 25

The National League
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
KT Itzalovalle 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
1830 Cathair 1–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Tenth Star Hasiera 0–2 Oljestaden IF
Burdoc Ridge 7–5 Artiglieria

The National League       Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Cazadores Cathair 19 11 5 3 24 13 +11 38
2 AC Izotz Zubia 20 10 7 3 41 31 +10 37
3 KT Moreazerua 19 11 4 4 28 20 +8 37
4 Oljestaden IF 18 9 5 4 50 31 +19 32
5 1830 Cathair 16 9 4 3 37 17 +20 31
6 KT Itzalovalle 19 9 4 6 29 18 +11 31
7 Shamrock Cathair 17 10 1 6 24 18 +6 31


<INT Rohan Cammers’s office. He’s watching Cazadores versus AC Izotz Zubia.

“Oh for [expletive deleted] sake”

…GOAL! What a goal! It’s Olimpia Vidal with space at the far side, turns beautifully, and what a beautiful shot that is! Curled with the outside of the right boot, and Breeze is beaten! What a chance this is for Cazadores Cathair to go four points clear

Matchday 26

The National League
Artiglieria 2–3 Tenth Star Hasiera
Oljestaden IF 2–3 1830 Cathair
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 2–2 AS Marcadia
AC Izotz Zubia 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 3–2 KT Moreazerua

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Cazadores Cathair 20 12 5 3 25 13 +12 41
2 AC Izotz Zubia 21 10 7 4 41 32 +9 37
3 KT Moreazerua 20 11 4 5 30 23 +7 37
4 1830 Cathair 17 10 4 3 40 19 +21 34
5 Oljestaden IF 19 9 5 5 52 34 +18 32
6 KT Itzalovalle 19 9 4 6 29 18 +11 31
7 Shamrock Cathair 17 10 1 6 24 18 +6 31
8 Bombarralense 18 8 3 7 35 35 0 27

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Postby Audioslavia » Sat Feb 15, 2020 4:49 pm

Image

…and it’s Millar… and Rosewing… they’re queuing up here! It’s over to VAN BEUREN! And it’s three! Down and out? Not a bit of it! Shamrock Cathair are back with a bang…

<INT an apartment in eastern Cathair inhabited by three Mercedini footballers, all of whom are on the books at Cazadores Cathair. They are left-winger Giorgio Gucci, striker Mikhail Gerardo and right-sided midfielder Christian Armani. Sitting a few feet away from them, just off camera, is Jeremy Jaffacake. The four of them are watching Shamrock Cathair roll over Calcio Sicurezza Elfi in matchday twenty-seven of The National League. It is the first of four bye-days for Cazadores>

JEREMY: So, boys, Shamrock are back on form, so it seems. Do you have any predictions for how the season’s going to end?

ARMANI: We kinda have to say ‘Cazadores are going to win it’, I think. We’d be awful team-mates if we just sat here like ‘yeah, Zozi are going to beat everyone, why even bother turning up

GUCCI: You should have said ‘1830 Cathair’, then you’d really have been in trouble

ARMANI: Yeah I couldn’t bring myself to say the ‘other other’ Cathair.

JEREMY: You’re drinking the Cazadores kool-aid then?

ARMANI: It’s not ‘kool-aid’, I’m proud to represent the team.

GERARDO: Christian has a poster of Rook Cathar above his bed.

ARMANI: I did used to have a Rook Cathar poster actually

GUCCI: No wonder the boss never picks you. He’s scared of you stalking him

JEREMY: The only thing Rook Cathar is scared of is a set of scales. Speaking about not being picked, though, you boys have featured very sporadically so far, haven’t you?

GERARDO: Those two have been getting on from the bench.

GUCCI: And we all had the honour of getting smashed to pieces by Reina del Sud, with the help of a few members of the youth team.

JEREMY: That result must’ve hurt.

ARMANI: Yes and no. Yes it hurt because, now, the road to the first team is longer, and I feel like the fans don’t trust us now, even if we’ve played well when coming off the bench

GERARDO: All six minutes so far this season!

ARMANI: Still. We were all at Project Olimpia together. We know what it’s like to be under pressure and fighting a losing battle alongside one another.

JEREMY: Project What?

GUCCI: Project Olimpia is a youth academy in the Mercedini league system. Pretty much all the players are teenagers. Christian, Mikhail and I were part of a very good Project Olimpa team a few years ago.

ARMANI: We were too good.

GUCCI: Far too good. We managed to get promoted to the top flight, against all logic and odds.

JEREMY: I think I remember that

GERARDO (laughing): You probably remember us getting our asses handed to us every single week

GUCCI: It was hard as hell, being 18 years old and playing against the best teams in the country. We ended up being relegated before Easter, but the experience toughened us up. And, as they say, steel sharpens steel.

ARMANI: And now we’re here. We went beyond the club’s age range and were free to find another team.

GERARDO: Caza have taken a punt on us

ARMANI: Hence A, we’re absolutely going to drink the [expletive deleted] kool-aid, because this club has given us a chance. B, if things start going wrong, we’re still confident we can make a difference.

GUCCI: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I hate having an enforced three-or-four-week break twice a season.

ARMANI: Yeah. We want to get back out there.

GUCCI: All we can do is it eat right, train our butts off and take our opportunities.

GERARDO: And speaking of taking opportunities…

…and it’s there! It’s four! What a crisp finish that is from Aldo Vocani, and Shamrock march on!…

Matchday 27

The National League
KT Moreazerua 1–4 AC Izotz Zubia
Shamrock Cathair 4–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
AS Marcadia 3–1 Oljestaden IF
1830 Cathair 5–2 Artiglieria
Tenth Star Hasiera 3–1 Burdoc Ridge

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Cazadores Cathair 20 12 5 3 25 13 +12 41
2 AC Izotz Zubia 22 11 7 4 45 33 +12 40
3 1830 Cathair 18 11 4 3 45 21 +24 37
4 KT Moreazerua 21 11 4 6 31 27 +4 37
5 Shamrock Cathair 18 11 1 6 28 19 +9 34
6 Oljestaden IF 20 9 5 6 53 37 +16 32
7 KT Itzalovalle 19 9 4 6 29 18 +11 31
8 Bombarralense 18 8 3 7 35 35 0 27


<INT Rook Cathar’s manager’s office at El Ruedo stadium, eastern Cathair. He has just hung up the phone. Jeremy Jaffacake is also there>

ROOK: Well… I think this one is going to work out much simpler than the last one.

JEREMY: What’s this?

ROOK: There’s a two-week January transfer window in the National League. We’ve agreed a fee with Itzalovalle for Jirijii Januaa. It’s… more expensive than you’d expect for a 37 year-old, but this is something we desperately need. Inteali Koranjo hasn’t really settled in. He’s been nervy, irritable, as you’d expect for a young teenager arriving on foreign shores for the first time. We’re hoping Januaa can be something of a… I don’t want to say ‘father figure’… something of a familiar figure for him. Within a few weeks, Januaa and Koranjo could be our first choice defenders. We’ll stick with Monterroso and Veloso for now. They’ve been doing well enough.

JEREMY: Speaking of young lads on foreign shores, there are three Mercedini that you haven’t given much of an opportunity to so far..

ROOK: Good lads, those three. The jury is still out as to whether they have what it takes at this level. Their problem is they’re all forward players. Two wingers and a striker. We’ve got Francis Sutherland, Olimpia Vidal and Gaizka Etxenoz in those positions, plus the likes of Aranha and Aloha as backup strikers, so Mick Gerardo hasn’t had much of a look-in up front. On the wings, we’ve got Nestor Martinez who’s still our go-to for a replacement. He’s been here years. He’s 33, which is why he’s not starting like he has, well, for the last thirteen seasons. He’s such a loyal servant that it’s difficult to supplant him, you know what I mean?

JEREMY: Do you think one of them will make it into the first-team on a permanent basis?

ROOK: Gucci and Armani have the most potential. If they don’t at least make it here, then there’s plenty of teams where they’d fit right in.

JEREMY: And Gerardo?

ROOK: We’ll see…. ah balls. Shamrock have scored

…and it’s all over here in Oljestaden. Crewe’s goal has given Shamrock three much-needed points as they rise to fourth in the league, six points behind AC Izotz Zubia in first but having played four fewer games..

Matchday 28

The National League
Burdoc Ridge 0–1 1830 Cathair
Artiglieria 0–0 AS Marcadia
Oljestaden IF 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–1 Bombarralense
AC Izotz Zubia 4–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
2 Cazadores Cathair 20 12 5 3 25 13 +12 41
3 1830 Cathair 19 12 4 3 46 21 +25 40
4 Shamrock Cathair 19 12 1 6 29 19 +10 37
5 KT Moreazerua 21 11 4 6 31 27 +4 37
6 Oljestaden IF 21 9 5 7 53 38 +15 32
7 KT Itzalovalle 19 9 4 6 29 18 +11 31


…Cathar’s Cazadores Cathair have announced the signing of Jirijii Januaa from KT Itzalovalle for an undisclosed fee. Januaa is rumoured to be arriving as support for young Vilitan defender Inteali Koranjo, who has been criticised by some fans for his patchy form since arriving from Jlinal Cove…
…the loss for 1830 Cathair puts city rivals Shamrock in the driving seat. Shamrock, rampant winners at home to Artiglieria, go joint-second in the table alongside their two city rivals, 1830 Cathair and Cazadores…


Matchday 29

The National League
Silexhera FC 2–0 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Bombarralense 4–3 Oljestaden IF
Shamrock Cathair 3–0 Artiglieria
AS Marcadia 2–0 Burdoc Ridge
1830 Cathair 0–1 Tenth Star Hasiera

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
2 Cazadores Cathair 20 12 5 3 25 13 +12 41
3 1830 Cathair 20 12 4 4 46 22 +24 40
4 Shamrock Cathair 20 13 1 6 32 19 +13 40
5 KT Moreazerua 21 11 4 6 31 27 +4 37
6 Oljestaden IF 22 9 5 8 56 42 +14 32
7 KT Itzalovalle 19 9 4 6 29 18 +11 31



…meanwhile in domestic football, Shamrock left it until late to earn a crucial victory over Burdoc Ridge, with Colm O’Tuathail’s eighty-sixth minute strike the difference between Shamrock and Central region rivals Burdoc Ridge. Shamrock Cathair’s points tally is now the same as leaders AC Izotz Zubia, who have played three more games..


Matchday 30

Tenth Star Hasiera 2–1 AS Marcadia
Burdoc Ridge 2–3 Shamrock Cathair
Artiglieria 0–2 Bombarralense
Oljestaden IF 3–4 Silexhera FC
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–1 KT Itzalovalle

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
2 Shamrock Cathair 21 14 1 6 35 21 +14 43
3 Cazadores Cathair 20 12 5 3 25 13 +12 41
4 1830 Cathair 20 12 4 4 46 22 +24 40
5 KT Moreazerua 21 11 4 6 31 27 +4 37
6 Bombarralense 21 10 4 7 42 39 +3 34
7 Oljestaden IF 23 9 5 9 59 46 +13 32
8 KT Itzalovalle 20 9 5 6 30 19 +11 32
9 AS Marcadia 21 7 8 6 48 40 +8 29
10 Silexhera FC 21 8 5 8 28 30 −2 29
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 24 6 8 10 40 55 −15 26
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 22 6 4 12 37 48 −11 22
13 Tenth Star Hasiera 20 5 2 13 25 45 −20 17
14 Burdoc Ridge 21 3 3 15 33 56 −23 12
15 Artiglieria 22 1 5 16 28 61 −33 8

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Mon Feb 17, 2020 7:02 pm

Image
…finally, for Cazadores fans, the wait is over. The side get us underway here for their first league match in four weeks. Rook Cathar’s line-up remains largely unchanged. Hardcheese in goal, Monterroso and Veloso the centre-halves with Saez and Jequaad either side. Sutherland on the left wing, Etxenoz on the right, Menheniot just behind Pridgeon in midfield with a strike-force of Vidal and Lindauer. Opponents Calcio Sicurezza name three changes from the side that claimed a draw with Itzalovalle…
…played in to Sutherland, the cut-back, VIDAL! Goal! One-nil Cazadores! Can the capital club continue their winning run?…
…Sicurezza are seeing more and more of the ball here. Probably one of the best-drilled teams in the league, they’re beginning to find in-roads into Caza’s defence… here’s Vâge, danger here! Vâge! FLOCH! Saaved by Hardcheese! A warning from the Northern Marauders…
…Vidal holds the ball up well, and it’s square for Lindauer but that’s a good interception from Canez. Sicurezza starting to get the measure of Cazadores…
…Campus here to Wardak.. Wardak… Vâge! GOAL! Goal Sicurezza! The home fans fall silent as Sicurezza grab the…
…second! It’s a second for Sicurezza! It’s Qamar Wardak! Five minutes to go until half-time and Sicurezza have struck a vital…
…goal!…………. Cazadores are in shock. They are in actual shock. It’s the same move! Hit low in front of the area, flicked into the danger area by Giulio Campus and Wardak makes it 3-1 to Sicurezza! Monterroso and Veloso are nowhere to be seen! Rook Cathar just stands there, it’s a disaster for Cazadores!
…No changes for Cazadores in the second half as they try to claw back that lead…
…no real penetration from Cazadores here, and you have to say that Sicurezza look comfortable…
…comfortably a penalty? Absolutely not. Sutherland goes down very easily there, and Cazadores will have the chance from the spot-kick..
…SAVED by Mathisen! Followed up by Vidaaaaal! 3-2! Cazadores have grabbed a goal back, it’s Olimpia Vidal!
…still Cazadores struggle to create chances, and here’s Campus! Campus breaks down the wing, inside for Wardak, to Väge! Over to Skotnes arriving! Skotneeeeees no! Inches wide! Ohh Hardcheese was beaten there, but it remains 3-2!…
…and finally, finally Cazadores make changes. It’s Aloha and Aranha to come on..
…given away by Aranha and Sicurezza can break here…
…collected by Hardcheese, the crowd demand a quick ball out, they’re desperate here…
…Cazadores getting increasingly desperate and Dane Pridgeon has already been booked! It’s Pridgeon who’s sent off! Cazadores down to 10-men…
…Sicurezza content to sit back as we enter the final minutes…
…OH WHAT A GOAL! FROM NOWHERE! FROM ABSOLUTE NOWHERE! WHERE HAS THAT COME FROM! Fully 35 yards! Has Francis Sutherland rescued this one for…




Logan Osborn’s sixtieth-minute header was enough to separate the two sides as Shamrock Cathair registered yet another victory. Shamrock open a three-point gap between themselves and second place as Cazadores fall back to fourth. Next week’s crunch derby is every bit a six pointer as Shamrock travel to the centre of the city to face reigning champions 1830 Cathair

Matchday 31

The National League
Cazadores 3-3 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Vidal ‘7, ’55

Vâge ’31
Wardak ’40, ’42
Sutherland ’89

KT Itzalovalle 3–2 Oljestaden IF
Silexhera FC 2–1 Artiglieria
Bombarralense 2–0 Burdoc Ridge
Shamrock Cathair 1–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Osborn ’59


AS Marcadia 0–1 1830 Cathair

The National League.         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 22 15 1 6 36 21 +15 46
2 1830 Cathair 21 13 4 4 47 22 +25 43
3 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
4 Cazadores Cathair 21 12 6 3 28 16 +12 42
5 Bombarralense 22 11 4 7 44 39 +5 37
6 KT Moreazerua 21 11 4 6 31 27 +4 37
7 KT Itzalovalle 21 10 5 6 33 21 +12 35


…Shamrock Cathair get us underway here in our lunch-time fixture, clad in all green. 1830 Cathair in their traditional white and blue stripes, short a number of key players due to injury, with Lomax still recovering from his knock and va Drake not yet fit enough to make the matchday squad after a recurrence of his ankle injury in training…
…Dean Sharp here, shot blocked, Marañón… still Marañón! And stiiiilll no! Side-netting! A let-off for Shamrock as Rickson Marañón weaves his magic once again…
..and it’s THORSTEN KRAMERRRR no! Offside! It won’t count! Ironic applause from the away fans as the Arena Kirola gradually comes to its senses…
…Osborn and Jawallawallah under increasing pressure here, but holding firm as the sides go into the break locked at 0-0..
..O’Tuathail marauding down that left wing once more, tackled by Carter, it’s fallen for Miyazawaaaaa it’s in! It’s in from the full-back! Did he mean that? Did he mean that! It looks to all the world like a cross but it loops in over the head of Tucunduvá! It’s 1-0 Shamrock! It’s a goal as important to the title race as it is bizarre!..
…still Cathair storm forward, it’s Kramer here, he’s past Van Beuren, Kramer to Shine, Shine.. waits… and that’s Erickson arriviiiiiing.. saved! Bombidillyo with the block! It’s not clear yet, back into the mixer from Soldarian, and that’s SHARP! Blocked! Marañón! No! What a tackle that is from Osborn! Marañón… what is he doing dallying there! A toe-poke! A toe-poke is all he had to…
…do here as Shamrock defend resolutely. McCurdy on for Plibersek. It’s all-hands on deck on Shamrock’s final third…
…The chip from VOCANIIII! NO! It’s off the line from McCurdy!…
…McCurdy batters the ball away and it’ll be collected by Soldarian, in for Shinra… to Shine… to Erickson! Kramer! KRAMER! OFF THE POST! And it’s away by Jawallawallah! Can Shamrock hold on…
…it’s all over! It’s a league double for Shamrock over their city rivals! 1830 Cathair 0, Shamrock 1, and it is a Six. Point. Gap. There’s only five matches to go! Have Shamrock just won the league at Arena Kirola?…


Monday night football news now, and Cazadores thinning hopes of a second National League title took a major blow today as, for the second week in succession, they failed to hold onto a narrow lead. Lindauer’s first-half strike was cancelled out by Kyran Knudsen’s far-post header, and Cazadores find themselves locked in fourth place, level with defeated Cathair and a Zozi side still enduring their second mid-season break.

Matchday 32

The National League
1830 Cathair 0–1 Shamrock Cathair
Miyazawa ’48


Tenth Star Hasiera 1–2 Bombarralense
Burdoc Ridge 0–0 Silexhera FC
Artiglieria 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 1–0 KT Moreazerua
Oljestaden IF 1–1 Cazadores Cathair
Lindauer ’25
Knudsen ’68


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 23 16 1 6 37 21 +16 49
2 1830 Cathair 22 13 4 5 47 23 +24 43
3 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
4 Cazadores Cathair 22 12 7 3 29 17 +12 43
5 Bombarralense 23 12 4 7 46 40 +6 40
6 KT Itzalovalle 22 11 5 6 34 21 +13 38
7 KT Moreazerua 22 11 4 7 31 28 +3 37


And Now for Saturday’s football round-up. The main news tonight. Lee Sharp tonight declared his team’s title chances ‘dead and buried and dug up and then murdered again’ as the side lost narrowly to National League newcomers Bombarralense, for whom Leon Davis’s goal was enough to take the spoils. The reigning champions drop to third, nine points behind leaders Shamrock Cathair, rampant winners over AS Marcadia this afternoon.

1830 Cathair may even drop to third place if Cazadores can take victory in tomorrow’s encounter with…


…Artiglieria, rooted to the bottom of The National League, kick us off here clad in red, with Cazadores in their alternative white and gold attacking the goal to your…
..right at the start! It’s unbelievable! It’s the worst possible start for Rook Cathar who can only grit his teeth in despair! Paul Calvez opens the scoring, and Artiglieria have 88 minutes to hold out…
loud boos for Cathar’s men as they go into the half-time break a goal down. Rook Cathar… surely he has to make changes here?…
…it’s all-change on the left hand side. Etxenoz makes way for Giorgio Gucci while another Mercedinian, Christian Armani, will go into the midfield in exchange for Iago Cacho. A swashbuckling decision from Cathar…
….Koranjo coming on now for Monterroso. He’ll join Jirjii Januaa at the back for Caza, an all-Vilitan centre-half pairing…
…and that’s well intercepted from Koranjo again, he’s looked a different player since he’s come on, he looks full of confidence! It’s over to Gucci… Gucci to Armani.. Gucci again, what a turn of pace! It’s a cross! VIDAAAAL no! Saved by Bruzzese! Artiglieria hold on!
…Koranjo gets up for that one wonderfully! It’s 1-1 here! A fantastic header!…
…2-1! 2-1 Cazadores to the utter relief of the crowd! It’s cut back beautifully from Gucci and Lindauer is there!…
…through from Armani! Gucci here on the by-line… oh he’s beaten Nancarrow! Gucci! OH WHAT. A. GOAL. How has he squeezed it in from there? It’s ingenious from the Mercedinian, it’s 3-1 Cazadores, and they will go into second place!


Matchday 33

The National League
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 3–1 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi
Shamrock Cathair 4–1 AS Marcadia
Crewe ’13, 51
O’Tuathail ’55
Candelo ’81

Caceres ’88

KT Moreazerua 1–0 Oljestaden IF
KT Itzalovalle 4–0 Burdoc Ridge
Silexhera FC 0–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Bombarralense 1–0 1830 Cathair

Cazadores Cathair 3–1 Artiglieria
Calvez ‘2
Koranjo ’58
Lindauer ’66
Gucci ’69


The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 24 17 1 6 41 22 +19 52
2 Cazadores Cathair 23 13 7 3 32 18 +14 46
3 1830 Cathair 23 13 4 6 47 24 +23 43
4 AC Izotz Zubia 23 12 7 4 49 34 +15 43
5 Bombarralense 24 13 4 7 47 40 +7 43
6 KT Itzalovalle 23 12 5 6 38 21 +17 41
7 KT Moreazerua 23 12 4 7 32 28 +4 40
8 Silexhera FC 24 9 7 8 30 31 −1 34
9 Oljestaden IF 26 9 6 11 62 51 +11 33
10 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 27 7 9 11 45 61 −16 30
11 AS Marcadia 23 7 8 8 49 45 +4 29
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 23 7 4 12 40 49 −9 25
13 Tenth Star Hasiera 23 5 3 15 26 48 −22 18
14 Burdoc Ridge 24 3 4 17 33 62 −29 13
15 Artiglieria 25 1 5 19 30 67 −37 8

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Audioslavia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Wed Feb 19, 2020 10:55 am

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Giorgio Gucci’s seventieth minute strike was enough for Cazadores to overcome Central rivals Burdoc Ridge this afternoon, as Cazadores halve the gap between themselves and league leaders Shamrock, who had a bye-week. Man of the match Inteali Koranjo, along with Vilitan defensive partner Jirjii Januaa, were praised for their heroics in keeping a resurgent Burdoc Ridge at bay for the final minutes.

Elsewhere, Patrick Courtois has called Zozi’s title challenge ‘completely over’ as his side fail to take all three points from Sicurezza. Zozi, eight points adrift of the top with only four games to go, need a lot of other results to go their way in order to even qualify for the Champions League, while 1830 Cathair keep up the pressure with victory over Silexhera


Matchday 34

The National League
AS Marcadia 4–4 Bombarralense
1830 Cathair 2–1 Silexhera FC
Tenth Star Hasiera 0–0 KT Itzalovalle
Burdoc Ridge 0–1 Cazadores Cathair
Gucci ’70


Artiglieria 0–1 KT Moreazerua
Oljestaden IF 3–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 3–3 AC Izotz Zubia

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 24 17 1 6 41 22 +19 52
2 Cazadores Cathair 24 14 7 3 33 18 +15 49
3 1830 Cathair 24 14 4 6 49 25 +24 46
4 AC Izotz Zubia 24 12 8 4 52 37 +15 44
5 Bombarralense 25 13 5 7 51 44 +7 44
6 KT Moreazerua 24 13 4 7 33 28 +5 43
7 KT Itzalovalle 24 12 6 6 38 21 +17 42


Cazadores make it two clean-sheets in a row as they close the gap between themselves and Shamrock to just one point. Shamrock will face a tricky away tie against sixth-placed Bombarralense on Sunday afternoon, hoping to put the gap back to three points…

…three points clear if it stays like this! Alexander Crewe at the far post, it’s 1-0 Shamrock…
…have some defending to do here as Leon Davis comes forward, it’s over to Ambrosia Chance on the left, there’s bodies arriving, Chance to Frankeeeen saaaved by Bombidillyo!…
…who claws that one over the bar, Shamrock looking on dangerous ground here…
…half-time whistle which could not have come soon enough for Shamrock Cathair, 1-0 up but seemingly content to sit on their lead…
…lead was almost extended there! Rosewing with the diving header at the near-post but it’s off the inside of the woodwork and rolls agonisingly beside, but not over, the line!..
…and that’s another yellow card for Shamrock, they’re beginning to get frustrated here. Scicchitano with the chip into the box, that’s a poor header from Jawallawallah and it’s MISHIMAAAA! No! Just wide from the hybrid Hinojin….
…Davis to Way as Bombarralense come again, and Way’s been taken down here and it’s Alexander Crewe the culprit.. Crewe has already been booked! And he walks! Bombarralense will play the final five with an extra man…
..men over on the right here if Muzquiz can find one… it’s Chance. Chance for Chance! It’s loose! DAVIS! GOAL! GOAL Bombarral! It’s Leon Davis! And have Bombarralense rescued a point here? Has a spanner been thrown into the works for Shamrock?…


Matchday 35

The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 1–0 Oljestaden IF
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 4–4 Artiglieria
KT Moreazerua 5–0 Burdoc Ridge
Cazadores Cathair 2–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
Lindauer ’32
Armani ’81


KT Itzalovalle 0–1 1830 Cathair
Silexhera FC 1–2 AS Marcadia
Bombarralense 1–1 Shamrock Cathair
Crewe ’17

Davis ’87

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 25 17 2 6 42 23 +19 53
2 Cazadores Cathair 25 15 7 3 35 18 +17 52
3 1830 Cathair 25 15 4 6 50 25 +25 49
4 AC Izotz Zubia 25 13 8 4 53 37 +16 47
5 KT Moreazerua 25 14 4 7 38 28 +10 46
6 Bombarralense 26 13 6 7 52 45 +7 45
7 KT Itzalovalle 25 12 6 7 38 22 +16 42


Shamrock Cathair bounced back from last week’s disappointment to thrash Silexhera by six goals to three today. They increase their lead at the top of the table to four points, but will have to wait for the results of Sunday afternoon’s derby. Second faces third as Cazadores Cathair take on city rivals 1830 Cathair

…Cazadores are in fine form, zero goals conceded over two games, Januaa and Koranjo working like clockwork at the back. They start with Christian Armani on the right wing, and here he is now, cutting inside, laying the ball to Pridgeon who shoots from distance! But it’s over the bar with Tucunduvá watching on anxiously…
…Armani again here, he’s got the measure of Gibson on that right wing, it’s in to Alexander Crewe! Saved by Tucunduvá! Acrobatically batted over the bar, and Cazadores have their foot on the gas here…
…here’s another chance! It’s Vidal sprinting onto the ball! He’s got a two yard head-start on the defender, it’s Vidaaaal no! Tucunduvá narrows the angle and that shot slides agonizingly wide of the goal…
…1830 Cathair are without a single point in derbies against their capital city rivals this season, but they look to change that here, it’s Sharp to Marañón, Marañón to Shine! Pristina Shine! Wide! A warning for Cazadores, they will not have it easy today…
…half-time comes, zero all. If it stays like this, Shamrock will, effectively, be four points away from the title…
…and here’s Dean Sharp, that’s a speculative effooorroohh off the bar!…
…Vidal here plays it through! And Lindauerrrrrr no! Blocked by the advancing Tucunduvá!…
…and here’s Thorsten Kramer again, driving 1830 Cathair forward… it’s played to va Drake, va Drake back to Kramer and that’s a wonderful ball! It’s Shakira Handris! GOAL! GOAL 1830 Cathair! It’s Handris the substitute! The capacity crowd finally starts making some noise! Have 1830 Cathair finally….


Matchday 36

The National League
Shamrock Cathair 6–3 Silexhera FC
Latten ‘3
Vocani ‘8
Millar ’13

Vaughan ’40
Estanche ’45+1
H. Hoogervorst ’62, ’67, ’79
Rosewing ’90+3


AS Marcadia 0–1 KT Itzalovalle
Tenth Star Hasiera 0–2 KT Moreazerua
Burdoc Ridge 1–1 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Artiglieria 0–1 AC Izotz Zubia
1830 Cathair 1–0 Cazadores Cathair
Handris ’61

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 26 18 2 6 48 26 +22 56
2 1830 Cathair 26 16 4 6 51 25 +26 52
3 Cazadores Cathair 26 15 7 4 35 19 +16 52
4 AC Izotz Zubia 26 14 8 4 54 37 +17 50
5 KT Moreazerua 26 15 4 7 40 28 +12 49
6 KT Itzalovalle 26 13 6 7 39 22 +17 45
7 Bombarralense 26 13 6 7 52 45 +7 45


The penultimate stage of the National League has been completed, we have a final picture of how the title run-in will look.

Cazadores Cathair, three-one winners over Marcadia, will still cling to their outside-shot of winning the title. Above them, 1830 Cathair look in impetuous form as they clobber Moreazerua by five goals to one and, with a full-strength squad once again, will welcome twelfth-placed Tout-Puissant Hasiera to the Arena Kirola.

Assuming the reigning champions beat their struggling opponents, Shamrock Cathair will need a victory in their final game to secure the league title. All is not so clear, though. Tout-Puissant Hasiera require just one point to avoid falling into the relegation playoff, so may bring the team bus onto the field with them against the title challengers.

That final game will be one of the fiercest derbies in recent memory, as the leaders host cross-capital rivals Cazadores Cathair in what amounts to a title play-off.

The two sides, rumoured to currently be featured in a documentary series, will play for the Audioslavian Championship over ninety minutes. Should the match end in a draw, it’s very likely that 1830 Cathair, and not Shamrock or Cazadores, will take the title…


Matchday 37

The National League
AC Izotz Zubia 3–0 Burdoc Ridge
Tout-Puissant Hasiera 1–0 Tenth Star Hasiera
KT Moreazerua 1–5 1830 Cathair
Cazadores Cathair 3–1 AS Marcadia
KT Itzalovalle 2–2 Shamrock Cathair
Silexhera FC 2–2 Bombarralense

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Shamrock Cathair 27 18 3 6 50 28 +22 57
2 1830 Cathair 27 17 4 6 56 26 +30 55
3 Cazadores Cathair 27 16 7 4 38 20 +18 55
4 AC Izotz Zubia 27 15 8 4 57 37 +20 53
5 KT Moreazerua 27 15 4 8 41 33 +8 49
6 KT Itzalovalle 27 13 7 7 41 24 +17 46
7 Bombarralense 27 13 7 7 54 47 +7 46
8 Oljestaden IF 28 10 6 12 65 53 +12 36
9 Silexhera FC 28 9 8 11 37 43 −6 35
10 AS Marcadia 27 8 9 10 56 54 +2 33
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 28 7 10 11 48 64 −16 31
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 27 8 6 13 47 57 −10 30
13 Tenth Star Hasiera 27 5 4 18 26 53 −27 19
14 Burdoc Ridge 28 3 5 20 34 72 −38 14
15 Artiglieria 28 1 6 21 34 73 −39 9

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Fri Feb 21, 2020 3:06 pm

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<INT Cazadores Cathair team bus. Jeremy Jaffacake is interviewing players>

JEREMY: Last time you played against Shamrock you got your pants pulled down. How confident do you feel this time?

AURELIO SAEZ: We didn’t have Koranjo and Januaa running the show in central defence back then. They’ve been on epic form.

FRANCIS SUTHERLAND: Aye they’re covering for you every time you bomb forward and cannae get back.

AURELIO: Also this. Running is just so tiring. I should have been a centre-half myself

FRANCIS: A five foot seven centre-half?

SALVADOR MONTERROSO: You should have eaten your vegetables, kid

AURELIO: ‘Kid?’ I’m older than you…

JEREMY: How do you feel about losing your place to Jirjii this late in the season, Salvador?

SALVADOR *shrugging*: Januaa wins about fourteen World Cups per year and he’s still got it even at the ripe old age of seven million. All I can do is learn.

GAIZKA ETXENOZ: Losing your place sucks, but if it’s good for the team, and if I can make a difference from the bench, it’s all good.

CHRISTIAN ARMANI: Very true. Playing the final twenty minutes fresh when everyone else is knackered makes you look good, too

GIORGIO GUCCI: Yes, I found that worked in my favour for a while, too

OLIMPIA VIDAL: Your names are ‘Gucci’ and ‘Armani’, you should look good all the time.

CREIDNE LINDAUER: Yeah boys, no excuses

GIORGIO: Kirola need to up their game, first…

JEREMY: Rook. Chances?

ROOK: They’re not winning the league today. Not on your life.

JEREMY: How do you…

ROOK (interrupting): And I’d gladly exchange your life to stop them winning it, too

JEREMY: You’d gladly exchange my life for pie and chips

ROOK: What kind of pie are we talking?

JEREMY: We’re still talking hypothetically here aren’t we?

ROOK: What kind of pie.

<INT Shamrock Cathair’s player’s cantine. Pre-match meals are being consumed. Many of the team are being interviewed by Rubio Sanchez>

ALEXANDER CREWE: What kind of pie even is this?

YOHAN MILLAR: You say that every week. It’s still called a quiche

CREWE: I don’t trust it

ROHAN CAMMERS: Put your rice down you and shut up

RUBIO SANCHEZ: Quiche isn’t a traditional pre-match meal is it?

ROHAN: It’s hardly quiche. It’s just lots and lots of fish and veg with some eggs round it. These guys don’t eat anything unless it’s beige.

OSMAN CANDELO: All Audioslavian food is ‘beige’

ROHAN: Exactly.

RUBIO: So.. onto football? This has to be the biggest match of your career? End-of-season capital derby to decide the league?

ROHAN: That has happened to me before. 1830 vs Shamrock back in the day….

CREWE: The boss played for the ‘other’ Cathairs.

ROHAN: Trust me, I’m reminded of that whenever we lose.

RUBIO: and only a victory will suffice today, unless…

ROHAN: Unless Schmunless. Cathair are going to walk all over ‘Tout-Puissant’. Terribly named team.

RUBIO: And if they do?

ROHAN: This lot have to beat Cazadores either way. 3-0 like last time. I’m not sitting there for 90 minutes shitting myself.

ImageImage

…a guttural roar from the crowd as Shamrock kick off. This is it. The title decider! Five National League fixtures all kick off simultaneously. We’ll be cutting away to goals from all over the league today. 1830 Cathair’s fate isn’t in their hands, so they’ll just have to win and hope against Tout-Puissant. Bombarralense and Itzalovalle both chase the final Challengers Cup place, hoping KT Morezerua slip up in a tough away fixture against tenth-placed AS Marcadia. Tenth Star Hasiera and AC Izotz Zubia both have nothing to play for but pride, both all but assured 13th and 4th place. Zozi will need a miracle to qualify for the Champions League now. The main event, though, that’s right here. Three times the normal amount of cameras and sound equipment on display around the pitch - both teams are featuring in a documentary to be coming out in a few months….
…and Candelo with the pass but it’s over the head of Vocani and drifts out for a goal-kick.. and I don’t know if you heard that or not but the mood within the stadium has just changed… news from Arena Kirola, 1830 Cathair have opened the scoring after just eight minutes! Let’s cut to the game… it’s Steve Erickson driving forward, it’s pulled back for Andries Nijland, the cross comes in from the young winger and that’s a fine header, flicked on into the bottom corner, 1830 Cathair take the lead and, if it stays like that, Cazadores’s hopes of a league title, or even a Champions League place, are completely dashed here…
..here’s Sarz marauding down the left for Caza, this game is being played at break-neck pace! It’s whipped in for VIDAL! No! Saved by Bombidillyo!…
…two goals to nil, two goals to nil for Cathair, it’s Faeron Soldarian in what will be the midfielder’s final league fixture, a speculative shot skims along the grass and under the dive of Futuyna for two-nil…
…Vocani here, but that’s well saved from Bombidillyo…
…also we’ve a goal for Tout-Puissant’s rivals, Tenth Star have taken an unlikely lead against AC Izotz Zubia! Brenecian midfielder Naphtali Thatcher with the strike, it’s 1-0 to Tenth Star!…
…what a turn that is from Millar! It’s Millar! It’s Crewe! No! Wide of the post, and what a let off that is for Cazadores!
…a goal too in Bombarral, it’s the home side, and Jan Kuby here has powered a header home for 1-0!
..is that a penalty?! Crewe tumbles over in the box, Jirjii Januaa is waggling his finger at the referee… and Crewe is being booked for a dive here! Amazing stuff! Rohan Cammers is furious! He’s left his technical area and he’s encroached onto the field to scream at the referee! The fourth official dragging him back…
…news from Marcadia, it is a penalty to Moreazerua. Let’s go over to the game, it’s Nonhagatte for Mozi… and he scores! 1-0 to Moreazerua who look to be keeping hold of that final Challengers Cup spot so far….
…and it’s through here! A chance for Cazadores! VIDAAAAAL no! Off the post and away by Jawallawallah! What a chance that was for Cazadores to get the opener! Still no goals here at Glass Bridge Stadium…


<INT Shamrock Cathair changing room. Rohan Cammers is giving his half-time team-talk>

“Not as easy as all that, is it? Not easy to break down this Cazadores team, is it? Just like I told you it wouldn’t be. You’re running around out there doing *just enough* to get by, *just enough* to keep those [expletive deleted] off you while you listen to what the crowd are shouting at you. Like you’re expecting them to tell you ‘1830 are three-down, ease off lads’. It isn’t [expletive deleted] happening. 1830 are winning, like we know they would, so we need to start winning as well. Nobody is going to win this league for you. This league is already won. [expletive deleted] the league. All you eleven [expletive deleteds] have to do is beat the team in front of you. Cazadores hate us. They won’t do us any favours out there. They want to see you weeping into your shirt at the final whistle. Do you want that? You want to be a meme for the rest of your career? No? Then go back out there and fight them. They’re a good team with good players. We’re better. We’re stronger. We [expletive deleted] want it more. Much more than they or anyone else can ever know. To hell with the league, to hell with everyone. For forty five minutes, get your head down, get stuck in and fight

<INT Cazadores Cathair changing room. Rook Cathar gives his half-team speech>

“I’m sure you’ve heard. 1830 are winning. Nobody here will be winning the title today. You worked hard, we didn’t get it. That’s football. Next best thing: getting into the Champions League. That… that’s on our plate. We can have that if we want it. Keep playing as you’re playing, keep up the intensity and we’ll finish this season with a win, we’ll rob these green bastards of a title and we’ll be playing Champions League football next season. Strike. Dwile. Raynor City. Cazadores. It’s up to you now. It’s time. Get back to whhhait a minute who the hell are…”

[i]..and we’re getting reports from the dressing room… a Shamrock fan has, so we’re hearing broken into the Cazadores changing room and tried to attack the Cazadores players. This is very serious. We’re hearing that he may have been stopped by Cazadores manager Rook Cathar. The assailant, who’s identity is unknown so far, is said to have been taken into medical care with four broken ribs, a broken jaw and a chinese burn. The altercation can’t have lasted more than four seconds so heaven knows how Rook Cathar had the time to even.. but anyway, there’ll be a delay here…
…finally kicks off after a five minute delay. News already from 1830 Cathair, they’re now three goals up…
..Zozi equalise, let’s take a look, it’s Laborious Hawk - I mean, who else - who powers home from twenty yards. A draw won’t quite be enough, however. They remain behind Cazadores. Another goal for Zozi, though, and Caza will need to win in order to get Champions League football next season…
…Itzalovalle have equalised! Let’s take a look… it’s Wilhelm Nkitilina for Itzi, struck left-footed that’s a wonderful volley to make in one each. Itzi will need one more and will require Mozi to stop winning against Marcadia in order to snatch that final Challengers Cup place… and… I’m hearing we’ve missed a goal at Glass Bridge! There’s been a goal at Glass Bridge stadium! This is huge for the title race it’s… it’s Alexander Crewe! Shamrock lead! A deflected shot from Candelo, it’s ricocheted between two players and Crewe with an out-stretched boot! It’s 1-0 Shamrock! Can they do it? Can they win the National League for the second time…
…for Francis Sutherland on the left, Caza heaping on the pressure, it’s Sutherland with the cross, it’s Pridgeon! DANE PRIDGEON! WHAT A save that is from Bombidillyo! He launches himself to his right and palms it away…
…away by Jawallawallah from the corner and Shamrock will break here! Shamrock will break! We’re hearing reports that 1830 Cathair are now four-nil up but it might not matter! It’s Vocani who lays it off to O’Tuathail! O’Tuathail down the left, he’s past Saez! It’s O’Tuathaaaaaaaiiiiiil! GOAL! GOAL SHAMROCK! It’s two-nothing! With thirty minutes still to play! Colm O’Tuathail has doubled their lead! Is the title finally heading to…
…substitution for Shamrock, Vocani comes off, the old man has been struggling since the goal, and Plibersek will come on. Shamrock shifting to a 4-5-1 to hold this lead…
…Change too for Cazadores. Giorgio Gucci comes off and it’s the elder statesman Nestor Martinez of San Jose Guayabal, a man who’s creativity gave Caza the title all those years ago, to try to stop at least one of their rivals winning this one!
…what a substitution this is from Cathar. Full back Aurelio Saez leaves the field, and on comes striker Mikhail Gerardo for only his third appearance of the season. Cathar is going for it, Cazadores Cathair are going for it
…and here is Gerardo! No! Sliced wide oh and that was a golden opportunity for..
…O’Tuathail as Shamrock break! It’s O’Tuathail the goalscorer! Laid off for Plibersek! And Candelo! And with the lob it’s ALEXANDER CREEEEEWE! GOOANO! OFF THE LINE from Koranjo! What an acrobatic clearance that was!
….and here’s Crewe! Header! Saved by Hardcheese! Shamrock oh so close to putting this one away!
…and it’s O’Tuathail! But it’s an excellent tackle from Koranjo!
…it’s all over in Bombarral, 1-1 between them and Itzalovalle. It’s a draw too for Hasiera who steal a final point from AC Izotz Zubia. Cazadores are assured of at least third place now…
…Cazadores can break here, they’re still in the hunt for that final Champions League place but they’ll need three goals now, it’s Gerardo the substitute, back for Lindauer and now Pridgeon… Lindauer! PRIDGEON! SAVED by Hardcheese, but here’s FRANCIS SUTHERLAND! AND IT’S 2-1! 2-1 with seven minutes left to play!…
…Full-time at 1830 Cathair, they win four-nothing, but as it stands they will finish second in the league unless Cazadores can make the break-through here…
…comes the final substitution for Shamrock it’s Karapetrov, the full-back on for playmaker Osman Candelo. It is all hands on deck at the back here…
…and this is a chance for Lindauer! No! Over the bar! It goes begging! Hearts in mouths here at the Glass Bridge stadium, just five minutes to go…
…three minutes to go as Millar makes his way down the right, the crowd screaming at him to go into the corner but that’s a tired dummy and Koranjo comes out with the ball, hit directly forward to Vidal, who wins the header… Pridgeon… Menheniot… VIDAL THROUGH FOR LINDAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEERRR no! Saved by the feet of Bombidillyo and it bounces wide! Shamrock are on the ropes here!…
…1 minute to go. This is the only match being played now. Mozi have beaten Marcadia, that’s Mozi in the Challengers Cup next year. Itzalovalle, just behind, will be playing in the Vilitan invitational, the tournament Cazadores lost the final of this season. Can they make amends here? They’ll need two goals if they’re to get to the Champions League, but just one will destroy their green-clad rivals and hand the title on a plate to 1830 Cathair…
…injury time now. Injury time, there’ll be just three minutes of it! Lindauer’s shot is blocked, it’s another corner. The noise here is deafening..
…whipped over from Gucci, out by Osborn that’s a powerful header, but Shamrock can’t chase it down, it’s Menheniot, Menheniot over to the wing, Sutherland cuts inside, Sutherland with the cross, deflected, corner again…
…there can’t be much time left, it’s looped back into the box by an exhausted Jerquaad. The crowd cheer the clearing header from Osborn! Van Beuren only half away, Menheniot cuts in and still Cazadores come…
…and still they attack. The three minutes are almost up! It’s Menheniot who lifts it in! Away from Jawallawallah! Headed back in from Lindauer! It’s Vidal! It’s Vidal! It’s VIDAAAL! TACKLED BY MIYAZAWA! LOOSE BALL KORANJO’S THERE! AND GUCCI! BLOCKED! IT’S IN THE AIR! AND WHO’S THAT ON THE FAR SIDE?! IT’S CONTROLLED! TURNED! SHOT! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLL MIKHAIL GERRRRRRRRRARDOOOOOOOOOOOOAOOAOAOAOAAHAHAHOO!
Image


Matchday 38

The National League
Bombarralense 1–1 KT Itzalovalle
Shamrock Cathair 2–2 Cazadores Cathair
AS Marcadia 0–1 KT Moreazerua
1830 Cathair 4–0 Tout-Puissant Hasiera
Tenth Star Hasiera 1–1 AC Izotz Zubia

The National League          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 1830 Cathair 28 18 4 6 60 26 +34 58
2 Shamrock Cathair 28 18 4 6 52 30 +22 58
3 Cazadores Cathair 28 16 8 4 40 22 +18 56
4 AC Izotz Zubia 28 15 9 4 58 38 +20 54
5 KT Moreazerua 28 16 4 8 42 33 +9 52
6 KT Itzalovalle 28 13 8 7 42 25 +17 47
7 Bombarralense 28 13 8 7 55 48 +7 47
8 Oljestaden IF 28 10 6 12 65 53 +12 36
9 Silexhera FC 28 9 8 11 37 43 −6 35
10 AS Marcadia 28 8 9 11 56 55 +1 33
11 Calcio Sicurezza Elfi 28 7 10 11 48 64 −16 31
12 Tout-Puissant Hasiera 28 8 6 14 47 61 −14 30
13 Tenth Star Hasiera 28 5 5 18 27 54 −27 20
14 Burdoc Ridge 28 3 5 20 34 72 −38 14
15 Artiglieria 28 1 6 21 34 73 −39 9


National League Two          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 KT Koroatuz 38 22 10 6 52 25 +27 76
2 KT Ferramendiak 38 22 6 10 79 58 +21 72
3 Osarese Marcadia 38 20 10 8 54 31 +23 70
4 The Oran 38 21 5 12 67 46 +21 68
5 Excelsior Zijweg 38 18 9 11 68 58 +10 63
6 KT Laranjauzia 38 18 8 12 59 47 +12 62
7 Sobrevolante 38 16 12 10 65 50 +15 60
8 Eletti Valligiani 38 17 7 14 84 70 +14 58
9 Santa Margarida 38 16 10 12 69 59 +10 58
10 CdF Celtade 38 18 4 16 55 49 +6 58
11 Isle of Kjeligsted FC 38 16 8 14 65 61 +4 56
12 Laranjeiras 38 16 5 17 53 53 0 53
13 Hibernação 38 15 6 17 69 71 −2 51
14 CF Herradores 38 14 7 17 55 60 −5 49
15 Corações 38 14 6 18 67 69 −2 48
16 Huiszwalluw FC 38 10 14 14 45 54 −9 44
17 Necromarinai 38 12 4 22 64 81 −17 40
18 Iron Brewery 38 9 9 20 50 72 −22 36
19 Uniao Tortuguita 38 10 4 24 63 91 −28 34
20 Viking Halehavn* 38 2 4 32 26 104 −78 -10
* Docked 20 points for entering administration


R41                                   Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Sporting Clube de São Jeremías 40 28 6 6 83 36 +47 90
2 Sporting Clube Marinheiros 40 26 9 5 72 27 +45 87
3 Crossport Dynamo 40 23 7 10 67 45 +22 76
4 C.D. Portobranco 40 21 11 8 52 33 +19 74
5 Crossport Mariners 40 20 12 8 54 36 +18 72
6 DDM Dunas Secas 40 22 6 12 55 43 +12 72
7 Alistoun Academicals 40 19 12 9 54 37 +17 69
8 Reina Del Sud 40 17 16 7 57 39 +18 67
9 SC Laivanrakentajas 40 17 14 9 76 52 +24 65
10 Valens AV 40 17 14 9 61 44 +17 65
11 Kitherwell 40 17 14 9 68 58 +10 65
12 Vidrieros 40 19 8 13 68 61 +7 65
13 Valão 40 17 13 10 54 29 +25 64
14 KT Kanpoldelko 40 18 10 12 59 54 +5 64
15 Guerrilla Cathair 40 16 15 9 53 39 +14 63
16 United Cathair FC 40 17 11 12 72 53 +19 62
17 Ceilerden Harp 40 17 10 13 64 52 +12 61
18 Frecce 40 17 10 13 57 54 +3 61
19 Lemmitania State FC 40 17 10 13 68 67 +1 61
20 2130 Calolziolungho 40 15 15 10 52 49 +3 60
21 CdFS Ilheiros 40 16 10 14 57 53 +4 58
22 KT Ferratzaileak 40 17 7 16 61 70 −9 58
23 Ceilerden Rovers 40 15 12 13 51 41 +10 57
24 Sparta Zijweg 40 13 15 12 51 57 −6 54
25 Clockwork FC 40 16 4 20 45 56 −11 52
26 Orquideas 40 13 12 15 58 56 +2 51
27 CF Cruceros 40 13 12 15 41 46 −5 51
28 Valderantia United 40 11 15 14 58 67 −9 48
29 Coile Owls 40 13 5 22 51 61 −10 44
30 Calcio Lecho 40 9 16 15 40 59 −19 43
31 Maccabi Hasiera 40 10 9 21 51 77 −26 39
32 Viking Hryggur 40 10 8 22 51 73 −22 38
33 Ross Railway 40 9 9 22 44 73 −29 36
34 Deportivo de Puerta Cruz 40 7 14 19 38 60 −22 35
35 Cerejeiras 40 8 11 21 57 84 −27 35
36 Glasgar Rebels 40 9 7 24 39 65 −26 34
37 Fundición 40 7 11 22 41 56 −15 32
38 Steelworks 40 7 9 24 31 62 −31 30
39 Coile Blades 40 6 11 23 39 66 −27 29
40 PLFC 40 7 7 26 39 66 −27 28
41 Glasgar Royals 40 6 9 25 28 61 −33 27

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