Games of the XI Olympiad—roleplaying thread

by **Mapletish** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 9:02 am

Day 2 kicked off with the Diving-Men's Synchronized 10 m Platform at the Aeropag Natatorium, Li Yi Jun and Glen Chesper put in a great diving performance as they finished with 447.29 points to qualify for the semi-finals. In the Diving-Women’s Synchronized 3 m Springboard, Lin Xin Yi and Che Hui Xuan won the semi-finals with 349.54 points, but a mistake in the 3rd dive by the pair put them in 3rd at 332.40 points in the Final.

The Heats of the Swimming—Men’s 200 m Freestyle saw Michael Jansen and Federico Reyes battle out for the semi-final bout for the event. However, both men came up short of the top 16 positions. Michael Jansen finished an agonizing 1:47.12 just 0:0.05 away from the top 16 position. Federico Reyes finished with a timing of 1:49.44 to finished 69th. In the Heats of the Men’s 100 m Backstroke, both Michael Jansen and Pepe Paquito crashed out at the Heats with a timing of 54.58 and 56.05 respectively. All was not lost for the swimming categories as Michael Jansen took bronze in the Men's 100 m Breaststroke event with a 59.26 swim. The event was won by Brodie Crossley from Wray with a 58.94 swim. In the Men’s 4×100 m Freestyle Relay, the team consisting of Michael Jansen/Pepe Paquito/Alberto Julio/Anselmo Ernest failed to get a top 8 position with a timing of 3:12.63.

In the Heats of the Women’s 400 m Freestyle, Elyse Amelia and Julie Kayla failed to get past the Heats as they finished 4:08.63 and $:19.35 respectively, not even close to the top 8 cut off. Elyse Amelia, however bounced back in the Women's 100 m Backstroke event with a 1:00.40 swim to get her in the 14th spot for the semi-finals. Her teammate Georgina Marilyn however finished 1:02.61 and saw her finished 64th. Elyse Amelia then qualified 5th fastest in the semi-finals with a 59.55 timing to seal her spot in the finals. In the Women’s 100 m Breaststroke, Elyse Amelia and Ashlyn Tracey failed to go any further than the Heats as they crushed out with a 1:08.13 and 1:11.71 timing respectively.

In the Women's Water Polo event, Mapletish lost their second game of the group stage with a 7-9 loss to Kaboomlandia. With an attack led by Becci Bernetta with a hat trick, the ladies were unable to hold off a more aggressive Kaboomlandia side as they were out-shot and out-swarm by their opponents. With the Men's team failing to qualify for the main event in Aeropag, the ladies are under pressure to deliver. in Archery-Women's Team event, Mapletish lost 6-2 in the 32nd finals event signalling an end to the Archery event for the Maplish. In Basketball-Men's event, former silver medalist Team Mapletish narrowly defeated Judea 82-90 in a display of careless plays and the team were having serious problems asserting themselves in the game.

In Boxing-Men's Middleweight, Seve Claudio lost 1-3 to Nam Don-hun. Fellow teammate, George Havic will participate in the 16th finals against Felipe Brooks from Electrum in the Men's Light Heavyweight event. Over at the Men’s Heavyweight, Duilio Gualterio was out clean with a 3-0 defeat to Impelli Argarua. In the Men's Super Heavyweight, Macario Basilio will face Colin Woods in the 16th-finals event.

In the Canoe Slalom - Men's K-1 Heats at the Olympic Rowing and canoeing Center, Port Lusambo, it was George Havic once again as he took on 2 runs on the obstacle course and finished with 85.52 best timing which qualify him for the semi-finals in 14th. In the Canoe Slalom—Women’s C-2 Heats, Bernarda Katica/Milica Matija failed to qualify in the top 14 with a 122.95 best timing out of their two runs and finished 22nd.

In the Road Cycling—Women’s Road Race event Nadine Suzette finished with a 3:52:37 timing which saw her finished fourth fastest timing behind Michaela Richardson which took home the bronze. It was an extremely close race as 40 riders finished at 3:52:37. It was more straightforward for Orianne Vérène as she finished 4:03:25, teammates Françoise Ninette, Jacqueline Ève and Victoire Vienne, however failed to finish the race due to equipment failure.

The EQUESTRIAN EVENTING—Individual event saw Detlef Timo finished highest among the Maplish riders at 39.1 putting him at 30th position with Josephine Jasmin at 40.8, Ermentrud Eva at 43.8, Dominik Gebbert at 45.1 and Lars Helfried at 65.3.With the top 25 riders advancing to the jumping final, Detlef Timo will bid that chance a farewell. The team score of 123.7 sees Mapletish in the 13th spot.

In FENCING—Men’s Individual Foil, Camillo Modesto crushed out at the 64th-finals with a 15-9 loss to Faron Dannel. Rufino Erminio beat Burcet Falconer 13-10 to advance to the 32nd finals. The journey was however cut short after Rufino Erminio was ousted in a close encounter against Llewellyn Vaughan 15-14, while Ciriaco Alfredo went home with 15-12 defeat to Faron Dannel, the same opponent who defeated Camillo Modesto. It was however not a good idea to get 2 Maplish out in a row, as Dannel was drawn out 14-9 to Jesmer Klippel.

In the ARTISTIC GYMNASTICS—Women’s qualifying event, Pollie Roxy qualified for the B Beam finals with a score of 16.525 and the individual all round finals with an overall score of 63.475. Her teammate, Josephine Kassandraa scored 16.325 to qualify for the U Bar finals. As a team, Mapletish were unable to qualify for the Team All Round final with a total score of 185.600 points. In the Hockey-Men's event, Mapletish beat Qasden 2-5 in their second matchday after suffering a defeat earlier. With 3 points, Mapletish is looking at the top 2 spots as that will mean qualification to the quarter finals. With a few matches left to play, Mapletish will have to focus. In the Hockey-Women's event, Mapletish lost to San Llera 1-3.

In the JUDO—Men’s 66 kg 32nd finals, Itsuki Shin faced an early exit with a loss to Aneurin Millington. In the JUDO—Women’s 52 kg 32nd finals, Adele Maddison faced defeat by Alexandra Elliott, the second Maplish Judo athlete to be ousted by a Liventian opponent. In Rowing-Men's Single Sculls, Amri Cornelio is placed in Quarter-final 3 together with Byrom (KRN), Escavedo Maso (VLT), Brian Dorian (FLU), Jan Madison (PAP) and Seth Curry (COS) in an attempt to get to the semi-finals. In ROWING—Men’s Double Sculls Repêchages, Jett Sonnie/Amri Cornelio failed to finished in the top 2 of the Repêchage and see themselves in the semi-finals E/F instead. In the ROWING—Men’s Lightweight Double Sculls, Jett Sonnie/Amri Cornelio finished 6:32.97 to finish in 4th of Heat 2 and sees themselves fighting for another chance as they were drawn to Repêchage 2 with Avraham benNachum/Amit benMikha’el (JUD), Vanse Yesneri/Viktor Tevserko (VEK) and Joseph Pionla/Isaac Piac (VKL).

In the ROWING—Men’s Quadruple Sculls, Jett Sonnie/Amri Cornelio/David Jonny/Adán Custodio will be racing the quarter-final 4 together with Iain Muir/Martin Hunter/Brahim van Heugten/Kieran Smyth (TLI), Julian Sveepa/Fredi Kubnetsov/Marko Junavi/Danilo Katkov (MTJ), Eden benShomshon/Peleg benAmichai/Avraham benNachum/Amit benMikha’el (JUD), Escavedo Maso/Turok Dinota/Riakao Iboabao/Tuaala Nuaboa (VLT) and Vincent dos-Bueron/Markús Snær-Guðnason/Jón Saint-Artur/Zef van As (FSS) in a display of teamwork and explosiveness as they look to book their spot in the finals ultimately. In the ROWING—Men’s Coxless Pairs Repêchages, Adán Custodio/Amri Cornelio topped their event with a 6:36.94 timing to book their spot in Quarter finals 2. In the ROWING—Men’s Coxless Fours Heats, Jett Sonnie/Amri Cornelio/David Jonny/Adán Custodio topped Heat 5 with a timing of 5:58.65 to qualify for the quarter finals. In the ROWING—Men’s Lightweight Coxless Fours, Sonnie/Amri Cornelio/David Jonny/Adán Custodio were placed in the Quarter-final 4 event.

In ROWING—Women’s Single Sculls, Brechtje Alida won her Repêchage event as she topped the timing charts 7:28.79, the fastest Repêchage timing as she booked a spot in quarter-final 3. In the ROWING—Women’s Double Sculls Repêchages, Brechtje Alida/Isabella Greet finished with a 7:11.61 timing to qualify for semi-finals E/F. The Rowing events continued with a bang as Brechtje Alida/Isabella Greet qualified for the quarter finals with a timing of 7:00.20 to win their heats in the ROWING—Women’s Lightweight Double Sculls. In the ROWING—Women’s Quadruple Sculls, Brechtje Alida/Isabella Greet/Augusta Prisca/Anna Lijsbeth are drawn to quarter-final 2. In ROWING—Women’s Coxless Pairs heats, Brechtje Alida/Isabella Greet safely qualified for the quarter finals with a 10 seconds lead over Heidi Royale/Abby Romfall. In the ROWING—Women’s Coxless Fours, Brechtje Alida/Isabella Greet/Augusta Prisca/Anna Lijsbeth finished third in their heats with a timing of 6:49.62 to qualify for the quarter-finals. The last Rowing event of the day saw the Repêchages of the ROWING—Women’s Lightweight Coxless Fours, with the four additional quarter finals spot awarded, the fastest to qualify from the Repêchages was Irina Kropotkina/Yelena Godunova/Mariya Vavryshkina/Aleksanra Kopytkina who finished 6:38.26. The ladies fom the Women's Lightweight Coxless Fours will see themselves in Quarter-final 1.

In the RUGBY—Women’s Sevens, Team Mapletish put on a 1-0-2 record for their remaining three matches and finished dead last in Group D with only seven points. They are bounded to the 17th-24th place quarter finals match up against Eastfield Lodge who finished fifth in Group C with nine points. In SHOOTING—Women’s 10 m Air Pistol qualification event, Annelien Heleentje finished 93 97 96 97 to score 383 points, just 4 points away from the top 8 as she boarded an early exit pass. Her teammate, Carla Riny finished 93 93 95 94 to score 375 points and finished 43rd. In SHOOTING—Women’s Trap qualification, Annelien Heleentje scored 67 points and finished 18th. Carla Riny settled for 35th after scoring only 62 points.

In the TABLE TENNIS—Women’s Singles 32nd finals, Ángela Laura swept her opponent, Lilac Nevereach aside with a 4-1 win, from a 11-7, 11-7, 5-11, 11-3, 11-5 exchanges. in the TENNIS—Men’s Singles, Dacre Martin crashed out 6-2, 6-3 agaisnt Leo Garry in the 64th finals. Braidy Carlton fared no better as he crashed out 5-7, 6-2, 5-7 to Roman Gonchar. Hopes were pinned on Alf Ted as he beat Joseph Solomon 3-6, 6-4, 9-7 to secure a 32nd final bout. In the TENNIS—Women’s Doubles, Agata Margherita/Amedea Sibilla beat Laquita Moresk/Kiko Moreto with a 7-5, 6-4 score. In INDOOR VOLLEYBALL—Men’s matchday one, Mapletish sees defeat after a 18-25, 25-18, 25-18, 25-23 loss to the Vilitan Union. They were however the better losers in the Group as they sit at fourth.

In WEIGHTLIFTING—Men’s 56 kg, Jo Jerald lifted a total of 268 kg to finished 30th with a 118 kg snatch and a 150 kg clean and jerk. The event also saw Neil Baker equal the Olympic record total of 293 kg. Gabby Darren finished 36th with a total of 261 kg, he posted a 115 kg snatch and a 146 kg clean and jerk. In the WEIGHTLIFTING—Women’s 53 kg event, Svetlana Begova equalled the Olympic record with a 222 kg total. Jacobine Cokkie managed a total of 209 kg and finished 18th overall. She posted a personal best 89 kg snatch and a 120 kg clean and jerk. Mies Annouk however failed to finish the competition after bombing out from the snatch as she failed to get past her opening weight of 82 kg. In BASEBALL-SOFTBALL—Women’s Softball, Mapletish beat Taeshan by a run to none as starting pitcher Catherine Adeline pitched a complete game and shut out Taeshan's battling order all game. Centre fielder, Lina Wynona scored the only run of the game in the 3rd inning with a 1 run homer with bases empty. In SEVENBALL—Men’s, the inexperienced Maplish squad lost to Judea 2 sets to 7 with a 4-7, 6-7, 7-6, 4-7, 7-2, 0-7, 3-7, 5-7, 2-7 game to rank third currently in Group D.

by **CoraSpia** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 9:15 am

Visitors guide to a Havenic election, part one

As you will be aware through your visit to one of our airports, the Greater Vakolicci Haven is one of the most liberal nations in the world when it comes to awarding citizenship. Havenic citizenship is awarded to anyone who wants it, with applications accepted at one of our citizenship centres (such as the booths at the airports), online at http://imigration.gov.hvn, and via post to your local citizenship centre.

One of the most visible benefits to Havenic citizenship is the right to vote in elections. Elections to the Havensschkorpal, the Vakolicci legislature happen every 3 years; elections for the presidency occur every 4 years.
As the Haven is a confederation, your province may very well have its own elections, as well as regional parties which contest the Havensschkorpal elections. All provinces, aside from Celeria, Bellania, Oscunt, Reivin and Zhaal hold elections to provincial legislatures and governorships, and Celeria holds elections for its royal council positions. In addition, many local authorities may hhold elections to city, county or district-level offices. This document, however concerns only Havenic national elections.

Elections to the Havensschkorpal take place on the first Friday in April every 3 years, the next taking place in 2017, under a proportional representation system. This system does not divide the provinces, and instead alots them a set number of Havensschkorpallers: parties use the party-list method to indicate the order of preference that they place on their candidates for each position.

The Havensschkorpal consists of a fixed number of 24000 elected Schkorpalers, who sit in the Grand Conclave in Iros. Due tto the large size of the Havensschkorpal, many parties generally form it; therefore, the government being ruled by a coalition of coalitions is not rare; in fact, this is the case at the moment.
Voters vote online, or at an electronic vvoting booth. Their is no minimum age to vote, however a recent poll showed that the average age at which parents take their children for their first vote is around 11 years old. Queues at voting booths, as many opt to vote online, are generally farely short, and the only ID required to cast a vote is your citizenship card. The automatic systems will recognise the province in which your citizenship is registered, and will place your vote into the total for this province.
Voters rank the parties listed in order of preference. As their are often several hundred parties listed, a voter can stop ranking at any time, and only vote for one or two parties in an election should they so wish. For this reason, their is often a large disparity between the number of votes gained by larger as opposed to smaller parties, though often voters do rank joke parties higher than serious parties that they disagree with.

Online voting generally occurs in the same way, with voters inputting their citizenship number and the election system recognising their province oof origin automatically.

Votes are counted in an ongoing count by the election system, with the votes read out in special ceremonies at around midnight on election night. Some provinces, such as Celeria, make a major festival of their election ceremony, with live internationally famous musicians playing, as well as various artistic displays and a general theme of national party spirit.
Almost all other provinces, however, do not make such a big deal of the ceremonies.

Elections have led to some rather strange parties gaining seats. Although their are clearly large parties, such as the libertarian and capitalist parties (the largest) on around 2 thousand seats each, and the Social Free and Democratic party on around 1500, joke parties are common. Recently, due to the events at the Olympic games that have been well-documented by the media, the 'Mr. Chicken party' has been set up. This party is expected to get between 4 and 20 seats, more than some parties which claim to have a more serious message.
Other parties which feature with prominence are regionalist parties, such as the powerful 'Free Celari Republic' party gaining around 200 of Celeria's seat allocation, and the Metropolitan League doing the same in the Della Barecci Metropolis. Parties which are fringe in most of the haven may also be extremely strong in certain areas: 'Fascist way Forward' and 'Fascism True Democracy' enjoy great support in the East of the Haven.

by **CoraSpia** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:03 am

(note: the following was seen on a billboard in the athlete's village)

Slightly damaged donkey for sale

Male, super-sized donkey, answers to the name of 'Bobblings,' for sale in Athlete's village. 7 feet tall, in green, maximum speed of around 30 miles per hour with electrification in place. Bobblings has two noses, and three eyes, however is still fond of chocolate mousse and parsley crumble. Hobbys include bomb disposal, ice-cream creation, Christmas card creation and the running of thee 10000 mitres.
Bobblings is an extremely hairy donkey, and regularly donates hair to charity. He is not castrated, however is not interested in having children at least until he has his life in order, and will generally refuse requests from both male and female donkeys for sex. However, he is partial to a gymnast.

Bobblins is electrified, and will use his new strength and speed in order to gain an advantage in donkey races. However, he will not allow any riders to use the electrification.

If interested, please contact decathlete John Humph, Greater Vakolicci Haven.

by **Dunnes** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:20 am

Olympic theme starts to play. Camera pans to multiple Aerpag locations, finally ending with a shot of the Olympic Tower.
Then a voiceover starts: Tonight. An underdog team looks to advance closer to the medal stand.
Show action shots of the Men’s Water Polo Team

Swimmers look to dive towards glory in the pool.
Show action shots of prior Olympic Swimming

And a longshot sailor seeks to gain gold.
Show action shots of Olympic Sailing.

In these games it takes guts, finesse, and a stroke of luck to strike gold. We will see if the athletes of the 11th Olympiad have that, and a whole lot more tonight at the Summer Olympics in Aeropag.
Show shots of Olympic Tower, followed by a shot of overhead Aeropag which turns into the Olympic Etoile, and the DBC logo with the flourish of an Olympic Flame that transforms the island into a star.

Cut to Studio.

Josh Teets (Studio Anchor for The Olympics on DBC, and longtime sportscaster in Dunnes): I’m John Teets and welcome to the DBC studios at the Main Press Center in Aeropag. We've got a full slate of coverage for you tonight, with the majority of the action in the water, whether in the pool or sea.

Graphic on side appears with list of events. As event is being talked about, event mircolugo pops up and event is highlighted.

At the Olympic Natatorium we’ll bring you live coverage of the finals tonight, as well as the preliminary races that featured Dunian athletes. They include Koa Nakkim, who will be looking to make his second final in the Men’s 200m Butterfly.
We’ll also have the highlights of both the Dunnes Men’s Water Polo Match
against Pilipinas, and the Kasai/Kasai versus Dimitrov/Burges Men’s Double Tennis match.
In other action we will have the Men’s 62 kilogram weightlifting live, featuring Dunnes’ Austin Rule.

But first we head out to the Jubilee Marina, where the Men’s and Women’s Sailing took place earlier today.

Dunian Navy Medal of Valor recipient, Lieutenant Captain Bryan Bollinger was in action in the first two races of the Men’s Sailboard. Bollinger, who received the medal after leading his boat into rough seas to rescue refugees whose boat was sinking will be looking for calmer seas in Aeropag. We head to the Marina now, where Steve Jabobson, and Mara Lewiston have the call.

Shot cut to an aerial view of the Marina

by **Kriegiersien** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 11:38 am

First medal.

The first medal was won. A 24–22 against Kernansquillec won the female Kriegiersien rugby team the bronze medal. But for the title defender this was only a small consolation, after the loss in the Semis against the North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team.

At the medal ceremony only the North Eurasian squad was fully present, while the Kriegiersien Captain collected the medals for her team alone, who was collectively binge drinking.

Boxing
Brie von Zart reached the Round of 8 as expected, were she will probably face Daria Kharlan from Quebec again, this was also the Final of the last Olympics. The last time Brie won with ease and surely wants to bust another medal dream for the girl from the Kingdom.

Table Tennis
Last Girl standing.
Esther Ada had stressful days, winning two games, one after 7 sets, and reaching the round of 8. She faces now Vivian Rue from Vettrera, a player who is on a Top Level.

In the second round Do Nguyen from West Phonecia slapped her, claiming the Kriegiersien had given her the middle finger after the match. The Kriegiersien fans countered that with throwing water filled condoms at Do, while Ada had to be hold back by her coach to not beat her opponent.

The Kriegiersien president later stated angrily that he had bombed West Phoencia for this insolence if "our bombers would have enough petrol to get so far" and "our Moon Canon could aim exactly enough to not hit East Phoencia or the Great Sea instead".

by **Tobiasia** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:37 pm

Today, in calling to their patriotic duty, TR (Tobiasia Retail) gave away 110 TR Air Blasters, compressed air guns that fire air at high speeds. The toy Blasters usually fire whatever the child wishes at high velocities, but in the Olympic Village, they will fire water filled condoms.

Today a member of the men's hockey team performed a beautiful yet accidental shot at an unnamed rugby women's sevens player. We believer he athlete was Corpasian. The five balconies of the Tobiasian area are patrolled by members of the water polo teams at night.

by **Bulgar Rouge** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:43 pm

Ivaylo was drinking his hot green tea in one of the more spacious and luxurious cafes of the Olympic village. Officially an "assistant coach", his utilitarian black, Maoist uniform and a little Bulgar Rouge flag pin signified that he was something entirely different. Copious amounts of sunlight were falling inside the large hall of the cafe, as clanking sounds of mugs, cups, dishes and occasional bouts of friendly laughter filled the room. Ivaylo's seriousness and black uniform sharply contrasted with all this, and for a reason.

A man with a grey uniform, as if out of nowhere, approached him and sat on the same table.

"How's the rowing ?" Ivaylo sipped once again from his tea.

"They're all very stable. We're anticipating a great performance. And not just them. Rada has been training meticulously, so has Georgi. Our little tennis star has been putting quite the effort as well. Everyone seems ready and motivated."

"Rada complained ?"

"Because of that little twat. I know it's a "field trip" assignment for him, but he's performing very badly. No self-control or discipline whatsoever."

"I think it's about time we cut his field trip short and send him back home. The harvest this year will not be as good and we'll need the extra labour. And by the way...the handball team's performance is disconcerting."

"I've had a talk with the girls. It's psychological. I don't think we have any reactionaries among them, their files are clean, most of them are quite young so no exposure to pre-Revolutionary influences, no known outside contacts. I observed their training and they did show quite a lot of skill. The nerves seemed to be less than the first time, so now I'm expecting a much better result."

"My file shows that as well. I think they'll bounce back. But I want those boxing and tennis medals. Nothing else matters to me."

"Table tennis was such a disappointment..."

"Alas, it was. But we still have very high chances in the next few days. And we haven't even started the athletics. It's gonna be fun."

by **Kelssek** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:17 pm

#Trending

From the "thing happens but not important enough to really be news" file
Festivities at Kelssek House, essentially a sponsored national beer tent which the Kelssek Olympic Committee brings to every Olympic host city to provide a venue for mingling and debauchery, are off to a good start in Aeropag. Kelssek's 4 judo silver medallists Brian Symonds, Tricia Slater, Lucien-Michel Dutoit, and Jane Daigle were seen dancing on a table last night chanting "We're number two!"

The KOC has reportedly counselled the four on the need for celebrations to be "inclusive" and sought assurances that Kyle Ulsen and Rachel Teibert would be welcomed to future table-top chant-drinking activities.

There were also reportedly problems in the kitchen last night. Orders of fries were slow to emerge after a West Phoenician customer looking for the washroom entered the kitchen instead and following what head chef James Hobson described as "a series of events", accidentally dropped their title of nobility in the deep fryer.

by **Sargossa** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:24 pm

SSM | Sargossan State Media
International Edition - Sport

Third Day Blues

Blanco Borrayo reports from Aeropag;

Day one in the Natatorium saw Sargossa register on the medal table with a bronze won by Hugo Rosales in the 400m Freestyle. Day two witnessed a Sargossan gold as the team of Julio De La Torre, Franco Pineda, Erick Romero and Damario Varas battled to victory in the 4 x 100m Freestyle Relay. Two medals in two days, and in Freestyle which has often proven to be the least favourite stroke of the nation’s finest practitioners of the aquatic arts. It was all going, well, swimmingly. But as day three drew to a close the pockets of Sargossan support in Aeropag’s Natatorium were just a little quieter than they had been twenty four hours earlier.

But while the fans were still having some measure of fun the same couldn’t be said of those involved in the nation’s Aquatics delegation. Director of Elite Aquatics Jordi Vidal spent much of the evening with a haunted look on his face and declined SargoSport’s interview request as he headed backstage after the final race. Catalina Aguilar, a star of the domestic Azul League and touted as a great medal hope here, was visibly in tears and had to be comforted by members of the coaching staff after her third and final attempt at individual honours ended with an agonising fourth place in the final of the 100m Backstroke. Her teammate Elina Lastra bombed out of the 100m Breaststroke final while neither Bryssa Parco and Letitia Momba made it beyond the semis of the 200m Freestyle. The Men fared even worse with Luís Bogarín and Eduardo Salvador, Azul League stalwarts both, failing to even emerge from the heats of the 200m Butterfly.

The general malaise seemed to extend to the rest of the delegation with further wipe outs in the Women’s Archery and the Sabre section of the Women’s Fencing. But Boxing tends to be a happier arena for Team Sargossa, and with three members of the delegation in action surely the rot would stop deep in the depths of the Olympic Tower. Actually no, no it wouldn’t. Óscar Guavera lost his Light Flyweight encounter with Mapletish’s Fabricio Leocadio, Oriol Martín exited the Lightweight and Yadra Candelario was outclassed in the Women’s Middleweight to complete the unwanted set. Similarly there were first round exits for judokas Carilla Alvarado and Alberto Estrada in their respective categories and Maurício Campos was the only one of the nation’s Shooters to even get close to a final, falling in a tightly contested Men’s Trap Shoot-off.

Sargossan success was quite hard to spot on day three, although Hernando Poveda, having finished 35th out of 39 in Race 1 of the One-Person Dinghy Sailing, contrived to come fifth in Race 2 to sit eighth overall. While the team of Carlos Moreno and Pablo Gallegos qualified for the semi-finals of the Men’s C-2 Canoe Slalom to provide some rare bright spots. So thank that deity we don’t actually believe in for Tennis and Volleyball. For the second day running the Tennis saw a Sargossan clean sweep with Catalina Laurel, Xuxa Asuncion and Montés all making it through to the round of 32 of the Singles without dropping a set between them. While the Men’s team of David Uribé and Diego Medina advanced in straight sets in the Doubles. And in Volleyball former Olympic champions the Camino sisters may have been turned over by the Wray duo of Boorman and Oswaren but they remain well placed to advance from their group. As do the Women’s Indoor Team, who made it two wins from two after a 3 – 1 victory over San Llera.

A small silver lining on a thoroughly cloudy day, hopefully day four will be kinder.

by **Ndaku** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:48 pm

Lumumbaville, the Center of Ndakene Culture

By: Harrison Young, Britonish globetrotter and wine enthusiast

I've heard a lot of marvelous things about the capital of the Interplanetary Federation. Lumumbaville, a city where Ndakene tradition and culture was born, and passed on from one generation to the other. There are still customs held by the People from the origins of Ndaku's culture, in the 1960's. One hundred and fifty years later, Ndakenes still hold onto those customs. That tells me how culturally fine and united these chaps are.

My first observation stepping off the airplane into L'Aéroport International de Lumumbaville was the quality of the air. I noticed, as I stepped outside to catch the nearest, that the overall quality of the air reminded me of that of a park or some green pasture. I've heard that Ndaku tends to be a very green nation, with their eco-friendly transportation and their regulated industries. I took a bus to the center of the city and that's where I chose to take a stroll to observe how Lumumbaville is like.

The atmosphere is very lively, bustling electric cars and buses with tons of people on sidewalks. Beside me as I was walking were a bunch of department stores, markets, supermarkets, and liquor stores. Not to leave out the fact that Lumumbaville's skyscrapers were very high, breathtaking, and simply a magnificent sight. The famous Triple Towers of the African Trade Center were the tallest of them all. Seeing a mix of self-driven cars and luxurious electric cars intrigued me.

After walking a few blocks I made it to the famous Route de la Culture, or Culture Street. This street is known for containing the majority of Ndaku's most famous and stunning historical museums. There was another thing I observed, and that was the heat in Lumumbaville. I arrived at the center of Lumumbaville around 2 pm, so that's when the African sun is at the peak. Although it was very hot, it wasn't humid. The humidity was so low that you would be able to cool off under a tree or some form of shade.

I eventually made my way to the Triple Tower fan zone, where they were displaying an array of sports Ndaku participated in in the Aeropag 2110 Games as well as other various sports. At the time, they were showing some club friendlies of the Ndakene Premier League; Black Crystal vs Stanleyville Stealers. I heard that Ndaku's football hype significantly decreased after we beat their men and women brutally in the Olympic qualifiers; many Ndakenes were left embarrassed and discouraged. Despite their frustration and disappointment with their national teams, they still possessed a notable and remarkable hype when it came to the nation's leagues. Football was their national sport, and they were determined to show the world that anytime soon.

Another thing I saw while walking throughout Lumumbaville: there are no homeless people. Much of the streets were clean and clear for people to walk; the majority of the young people wore either sports clothing or casual khakis and shirts. I haven't seen a single homeless person sitting under any overpass, bridge, or in front of an establishment. It's very rare to see homeless people in Doportedas, too, but I haven't seen a single homeless person here, and I've walked quite a distance.

My plan for today was to walk around and see the things Lumumbaville has to offer, and I saw clubs, bars, sports venues, amsusement venues; you name it. Lumumbaville is quite the city to visit. This city is full of diversity, culture, wine, history, tradition, wine, awesome people, and wine. Have I mentioned that Lumumaville is full of wine? If not, I cannot emphasize enough that wine makes its presence very known here. Wine is considered a very fine beverage to have in fine dining, so is vodka and very intriguing wine made with honey.

My tour through Ndaku isn't over, though. I've traveled all throughout my home country, the Great Britonisea, and many parts of the habitable Earth. I haven't been through a city as unique as Lumumbaville, which tells me other Ndakene cities must have the breathtaking and truly remarkable sites to see and experience.

by **Todd McCloud** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 3:26 pm

FROM THE DESK OF IKRISIA LEVINILE
PREMIER OF VEKAIYU

To the sitting Chairwoman of The Vekaiyun National Olympic Committee (VOC), Riyna Yovisktre,

I hope this message finds you well.

I recall that you were a member of the VOC prior to the selection of the first Vekaiyun delegation. I also recall the discussions we had after the former Premier of Vekaiyu was deposed and how you first intimated and later stressed limited governmental intervention with respect to the selection and day-to-day affairs of the Olympic committee, athletes, coaches, staff, and all other nonessential affiliates. You know that I would not have it any other way. You will agree that the Vekaiyun government has, much to my desire, applied the desired hands-off approach. This approach has no doubt improved international sentiments regarding our nation.

It ultimately is no concern to me if an athlete succeeds or fails, or even if the Vekaiyun delegation has a "good year" or a "bad year" with respect to these Olympic games. I believe that my lack of attendance for these events have made that perfectly clear - there are more pressing needs I must attend to. Read the media - our latest successful weapon test has caused quite a stir in the realm nearby, for instance. Nevertheless, I do expect a certain level of decorum to permeate through all aspects of the VOC, from temporary staff to the athletes themselves. All of which fall directly to you.

There have been certain events which have caused me to pause and meditate on the direction of the delegation this year. The altercations, albeit minor, between Vekaiyu and Ndaku during the water polo tournament hosted by our nation. Several critiques made after the Opening Ceremony, including allegations of inappropriate gesture(s) made by a particular gymnast. A symbol provided by a Vekaiyun judoka. Various allegations and complaints (again) perpetrated by Vekaiyun athletes that call into question the acumen and indiscriminate nature of judges for international gymnastics competitions. And, of course, today's spotlight in V3 News on Stapen Skilusi and his questioning of the fairness of judges when it comes to nonhuman athletes. Skilusi seems to hold more weight in the public eye than most of the prior commenters due to his traditionally calm demeanor and careful speech.

Even if there are glimmers of truth hidden in this deep quagmire, that is currently not my concern, nor is it my responsibility to relay policy. That is your job. I don't want to believe you are losing your ability to corral these needless comments and actions either. That is also your job. One who cannot accomplish these duties may not be suited for keeping athletes accountable with respect to their extra-competition actions and words, and focused solely on the competition itself. You must understand that if these actions continue to make headlines, I will be forced to intervene and suggest changes to the VOC itself. It is not my desire to do such, but you know as well as I know that the Vekaiyun delegation is charged with competing to the best of its ability and presenting itself as a respectable delegation. Without substance, these words and actions are akin to immature whining. We as Vekaiyuns are better than that.

If your body believes there is enough justification to question the legitimacy of the competition or the seemingly glaring omissions toward nonhuman individuals, so be it. Launch a private investigation with prominent international individuals and initiate a root-cause analysis. If not, then simply wash your collective hands clean and move on. In the meantime, ensure that all levels of the delegation - from the staff, to the coaches, to judges, athletes, etc. focus on competition and fair play. That has been our rapport over the last several years, and I am inclined to continue that line.

Cordially,
Ikrisia Levinile
Premier of Vekaiyu

by **Qasden** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 3:39 pm

Qasden
Athletic News

AeropagXI Medal Report- Days 1, 2 & 3

As the first 3 days in Aeropag come to a close, let's see the events we have medaled and/or events we might medal.

/\/\ Men's 200m Freestyle /\/\

In this swimming event, Mr. Asden Nightguard took 2nd in the heats and 6th in the semis, enough to qualify for the finals. As he was raised near the rusty harbors of Port Harston's west side, Nightguard's experience with swimming goes back throughout his troubled 24 years of life. Asden has said he dedicates this performance to his mother and late father, who were there for him every step of the way. A Qad medal here would sharply raise the popularity of competitive swimming in Qasden.

/\/\ Men's 7ball /\/\

Now, this event is used as a demonstration this year, but after a nice win over Free Swiss States, there's a chance we might be able to do well. Either way, it's still early and anything can happen. Anything....

/\/\ Men's Tennis /\/\

In the first round, all 4 Qad delegations won their respective matches. After the 2nd round, only 1 remained.... Ty Kanelious. As one of Qasden's young tennis legends, Kanelious has a pretty good shot of making it big in the Olympics.

/\/\ Women's Individual Archery /\/\

Archery. A sport that has lately been booming in the homeland. After the ranking round, Canary Fauxton, Diamond Hart, and Marlie Yikati have successfully advanced to the next round. If the trio can keep up with the good work, TQ may earn one of its most prized medals.

/\/\ Women's 100m Butterfly /\/\

You're probably wondering why the sides of this sport are gray. If what you're thinking is what I'm thinking, then you're probably right! Qasden's own Lyla Swallowtail finished 2nd in the event's final, earning the country its first medal, a beautiful silver. Even though Lyla just came short of taking gold from Krytenia's Palula Joseph, the southwest AO country roared in excitement and joy. With Swallowtail's achievement, the beautiful blue and red was raised alongside Krytenia and Mattijana.

That's all for this report. Stay tuned, stay updated, and stay alert for future reports from Aeropag!

by **North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 3:47 pm

Silver medal in women rugby!

Aeropag, Paripana - (NEIP) The North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team won its first medal, a silver medal in women rugby! North Eurasia won the quarterfinals 31–7 against Electrum, thanks to tries by Kyla McBride, Catriona Dunbar, Moira Cook and Fiona Mac Leoid and a succesful penalty kick.

In the semi finals, The North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team beat the X olympiad champs Kriegiersien 24–14 thanks to tries by Aibreann O'Toole, Sinead Kavanagh and Katie Gilmour and a succesful penalty kick. Mattijana won the other semi final 33–21 against Kernansquillec.

The final was played between North Eurasia and Mattijana. North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team lost 28–14, and tries were scored by Gwenllian Hawkins and Catriona Dunbar.

In other sports, Jennifer Hackett and Christie McGregor qualified for the semi finals in synchronized diving with a 2nd place in the 1st round. Kacper Sroczynski and Matt Jenner made the final, also in diving, but finished 8th.

In swimming, both Marianna Kaczkowska and Tara Ford made it to the semi finals in 200m freestyle but Kaczkowska finished 9th and Ford, 10th.

In men's water polo, North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team beat Cosumar 8–5.

In women's basketball, North Eurasia lost 77–60 against Kernansquillec. Tamika Kidd-Gilchrist was the leading scorer for North Eurasia with 22 points.

In boxing, Jessica Murphy won her 16th finals matchup and advanced to the 8th finals. Other North Eurasian athletes lost their matchup.

In equestrian, only Philipp Winterfeldt advanced to the finals. Prince Zygmunt VIII was eliminated (by the way thanks to the hosts for not removing his nobility title). The North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team finished 9th as a group.

In fencing, Zuzanna Wyrzykowska was eliminated in 32nd finals.

In rowing, most North Eurasian athletes were eliminated in the quarter finals. Only Lukasz Krakowski and Mariusz Polczynski (coxless pairs) and Zofia Kuczmarska, Katarzyna Kopczynska, Dolores Espinosa & Sara Strzelczyk (quadruple skulls) advanced to the A/B semi finals. Eliminated rowers goes to the C/D semifinals.

Lukasz Krakowski, Mariusz Polczynski, Keith Summers & Rasmus Knutsen (coxless four) advanced to the quarter finals. North Eurasia also advanced to the quarter finals in coxed eights men and women.

In sailing, Tyler Bishop (one person dinghy) is 3rd after two races. Seth Knight (sailboard) is 7th after 3 races. Sabrina Antonelli (one person dinghy) is 4th after 2 races. In sailboard, Freda Davies is 32nd after 2 races, she got a black flag disqualification two times. Here's what the North Eurasian wikipedia says about a black flag disqualification: "The Black Flag Rule 30.3 will be in effect. A boat within the triangle formed by the ends of the line and the first mark during the minute before the start will be disqualified without a hearing."

In tennis, Connor Kane & Tyler Toews won 6–2 6–3. Katie Lucic won 3–6 6–1 6–3. Maude Bergeron, Jen Bean and Melanie O’Malley all lost. Carlos Lopez & Jesus Alvarez also lost their double match.

In softball, North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team beat Mapletish 4–0. Britt Maloney was the player of the game with 2/4, 1 run, 2 rbi and a double.

Medal table after day 3

Eonstar                              EON   2   4   2    8
Paripana Sporting Council            PSC   4   1   2    7
Royal Kingdom of Québec              QUE   2   4   1    7
Electrum                             ETM   2   1   4    7
Kelssek                              KSK   1   4   2    7
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team NES   0   1   0    1

Pays d'en Haut athletes leaving the olympic village

Pays d'en Haut athletes whitin the North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team announced in a French–only communiqué that they are leaving the olympic village and have settled on a camping ground in the outskirts of Aeropag. The reason invoked is because of "the stupid and childish war involving a diabolic instrument invented for debauchery". It is known that Pays d'en Haut is overly religious and fornication and sex without the purpose of procreation is passible of death penalty in this nation.

by **The Serbian Empire** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 5:03 pm

Beograd Journal Letter to Editor

What's In a Name?
I was looking at the NCAA recruiting for college football and noticed some absurd names. Like who would name their kid Kaiser? He sounds like a bread roll or a title of Germans. Another was named Ja'Raymond. It's like Raymond wasn't unique enough for his parents. Phidarian? What? The parents couldn't decide between Darian and Phillip? LaBryan? Just a mutation of the mundane name. Then there was the unfortunate combination of Lowell Narcisse. Why in the hell is his last name so close to narcissist? Maybe we need some name laws to prevent the likes of Phidarian and LaBryan. At least the likes of Radney Castillo and what not are naturalized citizens, but some of these names are little more than fender benders of existing names that when mashed together lose all meaning.

A. Nonymous

The Serbian Sporting News
Fondmetal? Nope, It's a Gold Medal!

Who won them? Radney Castillo and Natalya Malkin. And of course, it was in the water just like most Serbian medals are won this way. The other thing both swimmers did today was qualify for the chance to win more medals. As in Castillo winning the Men's 100m Backstroke and qualifying for the 200m Butterfly by winning his race. Malkin won her race in the 100m Breaststroke by nearly three-quarters of a second. Her finals run was a 2nd place in the 200m Freestyle. Of course, those were our only medals to be had today.

Those Who Advance

All three women's archers advance to the round of 32. Marika Gaboric won over Lauren Foxa by a score of 6-2. Lidija Kovic won over Galina Kolokolnikova 6-5 in a narrow but close fashion. Kira Marcinko was absolutely dominating against Paulita Rosado winning 7-1. The only other delegation to have all three archers advance is Electrum with the Fields... I am fairly certain they're sisters. Either way, that's a pretty impressive feat for both delegations.

Do you know how much some women love to hit, slap, or punch people? Well, the Serbian Empire has several of them advancing in Lightweight Marika Galles, Welterweight Ajola Burimovic, and Heavyweight Natalija Petrovic. Petrovic's your standard Serbian women's heavyweight, tall and still quite lithe but her classification comes from height alone. The lighter ones are shorter, but that is no surprise. It's not like we're featuring Dia Beetus yet in this Olympiad. Now she's a heavyweight that literally looks as heavy as advertised.

Canoeing has Mila Predragovic advancing to the semi-finals, but her pace is some 5 seconds slower than the fastest time in the heats. Despite that, she is still four seconds fast than the fastest non-qualifier in Batel batYitzchak. Oy vey, the names in Judea are clearly gender-marked. I wonder if the bat is for bat mitzvah?

In Women's Tennis Singles, we have three advancers. Marisa Calliope Tijana who defeated Ray Strider of Eonstar in straight sets of 6-3 and 6-2. Gisela Stefanovic who had to fight harder to advance against Synclair Stemmons of Cosumar with three sets of 6-4, 3-6, and 6-1. Marisa Celeste Frieri has similar go to her adoptive sister of the High Empress with 6-2 and 6-3 sets over Ana Winnpeg of Paputu.

In Indoor Volleyball, the Serbian Women's Team tops the group standings but only look like a top candidate to advance further. Few teams have been as dominant so far in group play.

This leaves us with our medal standings: 2 gold, 1 silver, and 1 bronze.
8th or 11th depending on who you ask in the terms of best success.

Note: Vekaiyu, Kelssek, and Wray have more medals, but at the same time their medal totals either contain fewer gold medals, or in Vekaiyu's case, no silver medals but the same total of gold.

Electrum ETM 2 1 4 7
Eonstar EON 2 4 2 8
Ferkas CKF 3 2 1 6
Independent Olympic Athletes IOA 3 0 0 3
Mattijana MTJ 2 3 1 6
Paripana Sporting Council PSC 4 1 2 7
Royal Kingdom of Québec QUE 2 4 1 7
Serbian Empire SRB 2 1 1 4

by **Fluvique** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 5:12 pm

HOCKEY—

The Panthers won again

The Panthers awoke in Aeropag and roared tackles to Kelssek in the second matchday of the Group D. The 3-1 victory is the second-in-a-row, to be leaders of their group. The team led by Dan Kusht took over the game and generated the most dangerous chances in the first quarter. It happened in the sixth minute, when Loretta Jan crashed a shot off the post. After came the first penalty corner to Fluvique, which could not be taken advantage of and, despite the claim of a push, referees hid behind the Video Ref to mark goal kick to Kelssek.

However, in the second quarter came the blows of Kelssek. First, as announcement, Nancy Stafford was near to score in her first shot of penalty corner. After, in their second consecutive penalty corner, Stafford finally scored the opener goal. Fluvique's response was with two consecutive shots of Emiliana De Snaaijer and Marina Capittanni, but Julia Bailey saved her goal.

The third quarter could not have started better. When the pinture seemed darker for the Panthers, Eugénie Lesauvage appeared and in two minutes changed the score and put the team 2-1. The first was after two minutes: she stang the ball before a rival and hit a flush shot that left no chance to Bailey.

The second came after a penalty corner when, after a series of rebounds, the player of Greencastle Hockey Club, threw herself to the grass to cross the ball and beat them all. The fierceness of the team and its roar was bigger when, with at four minutes of the last quarter, Andrea Scotti was brillliant covering a penalty with a very good reaction with his left foot.

With the psychic injection, the drive and clear situations, Fluvique scored the third goal, thanks to a good reaction of Emiliana De Snaaijer, after a rebound in the goalkeeper. With this result, The Panthers are clear leaders of their group, playing with the same heart and soul as always, but also with their collective brilliance.

TENNIS—

Juan Gabriel Fernandez continued his winner start in the Olympic, this time together with Tommy Van Houte, in doubles. However, Alex Dimitrov and Mattias Burges showed their intentions to make sweat the Fluviquean couple in a very interesting match. The tennis centre seemed to be the Royal Lawn Tennis Club, due to the huge amount of Fluviqueans, filling the stands with flags from all over the country and popular football chants, adapted to tennis. It was a victory in three sets for the paysans, after two hours and a half by 6-2, 2-6 and 6-4 to surpass the 32nd-finals and wait for the next round.

In women’s singles, the things were harder with three defeats in four matches. Firstly, Elizabeth Quehall (BRI) defeated Beatrice Benchamp by 0-6, 6-4 and 2-6. On the evening, Patience Hohl won over Krista Fournier by 3-6, 6-3 and 5-7. A few minutes after, Jullianne Awada was eliminated by Brianna Dowd (KSK) in three sets (2-6, 7-6 and 4-6). The only good new was Giselle Delkem, who won in straight sets over Skyler Sawyer (ETN) by 7-5 and 6-0.

HANDBALL—

The Fluviquean women's handball team did a good jub to finally beat Paputu in their second game of the Group C. The Claw won 28-25, despite a bad start in which they were 0-7 down. Before the end of the first half, the Fluviqueans rallied and held a shot for much of the game. That start of the match showed the tricolor team with many nerves, errors and defensive frailties. However, some bumps in the Paputu's offensive allowed Fluvique to cut the difference and play more quiet.

With the passing of the minutes Fluvique improved in all lines, adjusted its game, won in solidity and was sharp in attack. That, coupled with more confidence, gave the game a much more equal game development. Thus, The Claw went to the locker room with four goals ahead over its rival: 13-9, with a great match of Fátima Rizzo.

In the second half Fluvique again took advantage of some repeated errors of Paputu and took a maximn advantage of five goals after 25 minutes. A couple of good attacks of Paputu, plus some defensive mistakes, put them close in the score, but the goal of Johanna Vinne was enough to secure the difference and the victory.

BOXING—

Tasha Sissie, the last olympic champion, continues his path in the tournament. In the 8th-finals of women’s welterweight she defeated Dorieanne Price (VTR). The maximum hope in boxing achieved one of the two positive performances of the day, after the defeats of Rosita Close, Brie von Zart, Willy Thijs and Alan Delbert. In women’s light flyweight, Marjan Leblanc defeated Xa Lokeseri in the 16th-finals.

ROWING—

The wind continue helping the Fluviquean delegation with good results coming from Port Lusambo and the medal hopes continue alive. In the quarter-finals of men’s double sculls, Brian Dorian/Andreas Giacomo finished 1st. In the same instance, but in coxless pairs, Kyle Rhisiart and Marious Amyas finished 3rd.

Another huge performance was in men’s coxed eights, where the Fluviquean team finished 1st on its heat. The same was for Samantha Deirdre and Lucia Lelia, in women’s double sculls. In women’s coxed eights, the tricolor team finished 2nd. The eyes of the country are over this events, dreaming with the first medals in this Olympics.

by **Hannasea** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 5:28 pm

Posted on the popular sports blog "He's Had An Absolute Holocaust".

Hannasean Olympic Hopefuls Series: Edition 2, Cereal-ization

posted by DeleteOnSight

In our ongoing series, we look at the Olympic prospects of athletes representing the Hannasean Federation. With so few medal hopefuls, we've chosen some different metrics by which to judge them. Today, we ask the question: which athlete would be most likely to gain a breakfast cereal endorsement?

Very unlikely to get a breakfast cereal endorsement deal - Khloe Wilkie

Somewhat unlikely to get a breakfast cereal endorsement deal - Michele Jarrett

I've never seen a magazine of uglies

Somewhat likely to get a breakfast cereal endorsement deal - Riley Thorne

Very likely to get a breakfast cereal endorsement deal - Nikki Dunn

Comments (62)

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by **Vangaziland** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 5:48 pm

Vangaziland entered the Games of the XI Olympiad with a relatively small delegation. Those who did compete would gain a lot of attention. Vangaziland was known for two things; her military and her sports media. The reporters would follow and support all their athletes, win or lose. Vangaziland had won one gold medal so far.

Eric Wardenson won a gold during a cycling road race, early in the games.

"It means so much to bring this back to Vangaziland. My win was for the Empire. At least we won't leave empty handed", Wardenson said.

The Vannish sports media has heaped much praise on the cyclist who was enjoying his time in the spotlight. With such a small delegation, the chances for Vannish medals was slim. Their teams would compete and look to follow in Wardenson's footsteps.

Basketball is one of the most popular sports in Vangaziland. The only player from the national team that competes in the International Basketball Championships was Sarah Overson. She played point guard for the Royals alongside players like Hectare Yulssen and Frank Hurcle.

"The Vannish Sports Commission gave Sarah permission to play on the women's Olympic team, although they limited the men's Olympic team to college players. This meant her co-stars could only watch from the sidelines, as three of her Royals teammates were in attendance for the latest game against Electrum.

Women's basketball was just as popular as the men's game in Vangaziland. Overson had done a lot to build interest in the sport. She was 6'4, which gave her enough size to play PG in the men's game. For the Olympics, she was playing SG.

"I really get to showcase my offense more here than I do with the Royals", Overson said. Her team lost to Electrum in overtime 89-84. "It's too bad it didn't work out tonight. Hopefully we can right this ship and finish strong."

Overson scored 19 points and had 5 assists, helping to move the ball from the SG position. "It's hard not to fall back to that point guard mentality", Overson admitted after the game. She also had 4 rebounds and a steal.

Overson was not the only talented woman on the Olympic women's team. Inene Ronday is known in Vangaziland for her jump shot. Unfortunately tonight, she missed a big one. A last second play was drawn out where Ronday would have one last shot. She caught the ball off the inbound pass and a screen was set for her defender. Ronday put the ball up and missed. The shot would have avoided overtime and given Vangaziland the win.

Ronday finished with 18 points and 6 rebounds. It looked like the moment got to her as her last shot looked rushed.

"I know, the miss was terrible", Ronday said after the game. But athletes move on from bad moments like that. We tried to fight back in overtime, but a few shots were off."

6'9 Lianne Jenter player center for Vangaziland and had a quiet night. She scored 10 and had 7 rebounds. She did have an impact defensively, at least keeping the game close early on. It was when Jenter was sent to the bench that Electrum went on the final run that gave them the victory.

"I think chances of a medal are nice to dream about", Jenter said. "But it's going to be tough. There are a lot of good teams. The world's best are all here. Hopefully we can make a run."

The ladies look to keep pushing and advance into medal contention.

by **Astyrian Olympics Delegation** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 7:45 pm

WHAT IS THE RIGHT BALANCE OF AGE IN THE OLYMPICS?
FILED BY: Matias Pereira (8/10/2016)

A single undercurrent runs through the Avissian portion of the Astyrian unified delegation - its relative high age and experience level. While at some levels, this might be beneficial for a sporting team, others think the team is becoming too old and decrepit, and some of its older athletes should pass the baton on to the next generation of athletes in multiple disciplines.

The age of the Avissian delegation is particularly glaring when one considers the fact that all of the Avissian Union's athletes in this Olympics have competed at previous Olympic Games - from repeat medallists like Luiz Vargas and Camila Garcia to less high-profile athletes such as Ernesto Magalhaes in the rowing and Cristovao Ferreira in the sailing.

The athletics portion of the delegation is perhaps the youngest - with last year's silver medalist in the 400m Álvaro Costa da Águia being one of the youngest, winning his medal last year at the age of 19. Unfortunately, though, he will not be making an appearance in Aeropag, with an administrative error sending him out of the Olympics; he failed to qualify in the 800m, where he had recorded a 4th place finish in Nassau Bay.

At least several other young Astyrian athletics competitors are participating, however, with 22-year old Sara Coelho-Silva qualifying for the women's 200m event, while Julia-Felicia Romão, a champion on the International Athletics Grand Prix, qualified automatically in the high jump at the age of 21. They complement established athletes Vargas and the Garcia sisters in the long and triple jumps; Raquel Vargas in the hurdles; and Joao Americo Garcia in the long distance events.

The rest of the events don't have so much diversity as the athletics, especially in the team events, with the Avissian contributions to the handball teams, volleyball teams, and water polo teams being comprised entirely of athletes who competed in the Olympics in the Kytler Peninsulae two years ago. Although the women's handball team, with a gold medal, is happy to return, the men's handball team had no such luck last time around, nor either volleyball teams, increasing calls for new blood in the Avissian team events.

The martial arts events - boxing, taekwondo, wrestling, judo, and fencing - have some older athletes, with Artur Alves, a former gold medalist, at the age of 32, with Jaco de Santigo at the age of 29, not ancient but still not the most sprightly either. Takewondo and wrestling don't have too many big names either, old or young, but the subpar athletes are on the older side, with only a few Olympics left in them.

That could change with the appointment of Hugo Coelho as Coordinator for Youth Development at the Avissian Olympic Committee to help with programs to bring in new talent from both Costa de Ouro and Morroseta. One of his first programs will be to establish programs, with the help of corporate sponsors, to bring in poor, disadvantaged youth into formal sports training, not only to help with talent scouts but to help reduce crime and help social programs.

"We can hit two birds with one stone, so to speak," says Coelho. "We can help the youth of our slums and poorer areas to get out of crime, give them a sense of direction, and give them opportunities to use their talents. But we also have the opportunity to develop some talent for the Olympics. A lot of the kids on the streets have some great skill in the combat sports - if we can harness that, we can do well at the next Olympics in those sports." Coelho also has his eye on weightlifting for his new program.

Swimming, too, is one of the older teams, with most of the sport dominated by a couple of athletes - Rafael Marquinhos Pereira in the breakstroke and Iago Ovidio Alves in the other events on the men's side, and Adelina Imaculada de Santigo on the women's side. But swimming in six or eight events can be quite tiring on the physique, especially with three athletes getting older and older by the year. So there is a need for some new talent in the swimming sector of the Olympics.

Coelho hopes to poach talent from the high school swimming competitions within the Avissian Union as well as developing new programs at the foundation level, with swimming programs all over the country to get more people into the game and relieve the pressure on the three aging main swimmers for the Avissian Union.

In the beach volleyball, one of the more competitive and exciting sports, the two main players on the Avissian team, Jaco Eleuterio Coelho and Amilcar Torres, are both in their late 30s, and a new team of two younger players can certainly improve on Coelho and Torres' good performance, with more energy and more aggressive games, producing a first volleyball medal for the team and giving a good entertainment value.

In short, there are some athletes that are getting too old - especially in some sports where the Avissian Union has not had too many medal chances and experience is not helping too much. In some sports, a new vein of youth players is desperately needed; in others, though, this vein of experience will help the Avissian Union to keep winning.

by **West Phoencia** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 8:05 pm

Olympic Games -

The 24 hour Olympic Sports Channel.

Hosts:

Devlin Carter
Princess Stephanie Sunbury, West Phoenician Figure Skater
Mitchell, Former Captain of the West Phoenician Basketball Team
Richard Home, Gold Medallist, Paralympics swimmer
Genevieve Horton, Sport Columnist

Devlin Carter: " Here are some of the best high lights from West Phoenicia. As we continue to struggle to obtain any medals. Bombing out in a lot of sports while a good balance of progression in others especially rowing, canoeing, sailing and boxing.

TENNIS—Women’s Singles-64th-finals

Athaliah True-Path defeated Melanie O’Malley from the North Eurasian Unified Sporting Team ( 6-2,6-3) helping her progress to the next stage alone as her team mates suffered defeats which is the current trend at the Aeropag Olympics for the West Phoenicians.

SHOOTING—Men’s 10 m Air Rifle

Shocking defeat of Crown Prince Glenton Bush III, ranking 18th.

SAILING—Women’s Sailboard
Roccio Salvador is sitting pretty in 3rd palce with a further 8 heats to go before she will know if she makes it to the medal round.

ROWING—Women’s Coxless Pairs

Katherine Malone/Angie Baffa survived the Repêchages and have moved onto the quarter finals.

ROWING—Women’s Lightweight Double Sculls

Whitey Tea Awe/Katherine Malone survived the Repêchages and have moved onto the quarter finals.

ROWING—Men’s Lightweight Double Sculls

Mike Lei/Edward Defence qualified to the next stage.

FENCING—Women’s Individual Sabre
Shout out to - Linda Lebanon who made it to the Women’s Individual Sabre who made it to the 16th's only to lose to Aranliniel Haglinaeth of Valanora who went on to win bronze.

EQUESTRIAN EVENTING—Individual

Bethany Bush was successful in progressing.

BOXING—Women’s Middleweight
Missy Whelan def. Zoe Karaän of Zitru in a Total knockout and has progressed.

BOXING—Women’s Light Flyweight
Kayla Renae of Taeshan is defeated by 1–2 Hope Anderson of West Phoenicia.

BADMINTON—Mixed Doubles
Daryl Headquarters/Gabrielle Deb progress after beating Jane Samso/Borden Cope of Taeshan

BADMINTON—Women’s Doubles
Amanda Lee/Gabrielle Deb defeated Nikola Bartosova/Martina Bartosova of the •Independent Olympic Athletes to progress.

BADMINTON—Men’s Doubles
Preben Defence/Brandon Defence progress after defeating Caleb Miller/Arthur Shaw of Kelssek.

Archery-Female Singles

Ameila Defence beats Mia Kasumi of 6-2 Kriegiersien to progress.

SWIMMING—Men’s 200 m Butterfly

Allan Komad progress to the finals

Play of the day:

Goes to Missy Whelan for her total knock out of her opponent.

by **Electrum** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 8:18 pm

Obscure Sports Weekly - Equestrian Section

Tough cross-country course sees almost all horses not make the optimal time in the eventing
by Marion Cartwright-Jacobson

Other than the gloomy sentiments presented by the Centralis Herald, it is true that the Equestrian eventing team can manage to sneak into the medals, after an extremely tough cross-country course which saw all riders not make the optimal time, thus being penalised with penalty points. The Electrumites can still win their target of at least one eventing team medal, however the individual seems out of reach with Kernansquillec locking up the top positions in both events.

The cross-country course was perhaps calibrated incorrectly as almost none of the horses kept to time. As the first few riders and horses out of the blocks realised, the consecutive barriers were perhaps the most difficult, being set very high, and not enough space to trot and make room for the next jump. Consequently, as word came through (by word or team members radioing to the start line about conditions) on how difficult this part of the course was, as well as the water section which saw many quick consecutive jumps over the water, this was definitely a four-star cross-country course.

In fact, it was Electrum's defending silver-medallist Edward Callahan on the green (inexperienced) horse Smiley II who was the quickest of all the Electrumites, with a cross-country score of 20.1. He managed to keep to time throughout, with only a refusal part-way through the water course which added 20 penalty points to his score -- after the event, Callahan conceded that it was his fault for not signalling to his horse quickly enough. Nonetheless, he managed to just managed to squeak past the line just 25 milliseconds over the optimal time to add another 0.1 time penalty point. This just goes to show how experienced Callahan was, being one of the few people to not garner a significant time penalty from the second stage of this event, but it was that refusal which really cost him. It was as if he and the horse were one, even though it was inexperienced, he guided it through the obstacles smoothly, and was so balanced that he didn't even look like he was a weight on the horse -- just that he was floating on it. That's what a master rider looks like.

Overall, it was Erskine Hunter which was the best points-wise for the Eventing Electrumites, scoring 12.7 time penalty points, or 31.75 seconds over the limit. Hunter and his horse Rios erred on the side of caution and generally took the long way around most of the obstacles. There was a little rub on one of the barriers in the last part of the course, but as the frangible pin didn't fall, there was no penalty. August Brooks on his ironically named horse For the love of gold with 14.8 penalty points, or 37 seconds over the optimal time. Electrumite leader Rachel Pino didn't manage that come-back she needed, riding too conservatively to stay in thirteenth place with 17.7 more penalty points (44.25 seconds) for a total score of 54.2. By way of comparison, she was tied equal thirteenth (after the dressage) with many competitors who have gone up the rankings, Thauds up to 9th and Rees-Moggs up to fourth (Smotherman eliminated).

Finally, the inexperienced Maria Hunter had 22.5 penalty points. Much like her compatriot Ed Callahan, she had a refusal too (20 penalty points), opting to take the quick paths, and going over the time limit by 6.25 seconds - 2.5 penalty points, which meant she gained a total of 22.5. This just showed the trend in the competition, the trade-off between riding conservatively but accruing many time penalty points or cutting corners and going the riskier, more direct points, but risking refusals. No one had a perfect round, and indeed, those who had three refusals were granted an automatic elimination, which ended the competitions of a few riders.

Tomorrow comes the jumping phase of the competition, after the first round, the team results will be announced and the top twenty-five riders will advance to the second jumping round. After that, the winners will be declared. In these fast-paced rounds, the horses will have to jump over barriers, but this time quickly and not over a cross-country course. Each obstacle that is dropped will mean the gain of an additional four penalty points, whereas the optimal time limit penalty points will also apply.

This is truly the last chance for Electrum to do well -- we're probably out of contention for the singles medals, but the team medals are still up for grabs. Assuming that the score of Maria Hunter is discarded, there is only five obstacle drops (20 points) that separate first place (Keransquilllec) and fifth place (Electrum), and only three obstacles between The Sarian, who are in the bronze medal spot and Electrum. It will be a tightly run contest, but Electrum will have to rely on the experience of Callahan and Brooks to carry them home. They cannot drop any obstacles at all.

OOC: Decided to roleplay a barely-roleplayed sport today, hope you enjoyed it

by **West Phoencia** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 8:55 pm

The exclusive West Phoenician club

West Phoenicia is known for it's lavish parties and frivolous spending so what better than to reward all the hard work their athletes and support staff have done to get this far.

While they may not be winning any gold or silver in the sports, there is plenty of West Phoenician gold and silver been floated about.

West Phoenician officials have rented out a venue for the entire length of the games. And have created a wonderland of fun and entertainment for West Phoenicians and guests from other nations.

The three floored venue has been decked out in all the luxury and debauchery that a West Phoenician could desire.

Large dance floors, with opulent bars ready to serve an iced cold beer or exotic cocktails, and a never ending buffet await those guests on the ground floor.

On the 1st floor is the Karaoke corner, and a host of pool tables, dart boards, video games, mini golf and a coffee bar and juice with 24hr barista service.

The 2nd floor is the Pamper floor, round the clock massages, tarot readings, séance, palm reading, manicures and pedicures, and a hair dressing section. Everything a pampered West Phoenician could desire.

The 3rd floor is strictly Adults only, with Love Rooms, Male and Female pole dancing and exotic party games to cater to those in the want,

The

by **Astyrian Olympics Delegation** » Wed Aug 10, 2016 10:33 pm

Svanur Castle
Rikijdrottin, Glisandia

Duke Henryk had had a long day by the time he made his way to the back parlor of the family suite in Svanur Castle. Most of his days were spent trying to keep his country together and bring some sense of normalcy back to Glisandia. That was a tall order these days.

Most of the world had moved on and forgotten about his Duchy after the Northern Lorecian War, when the People's Red Army of the Yellow Star Republic had been ejected from their occupation. Most but the fanatical Christian rebel group once known as the GGA (God's Glisandian Army), and now known as the Holy Domain, who continued their terrorist assaults on the small Nordic nation.

The Holy Domain had seen its inception during the war, the movement of the demagogue Harald Borinkrijn, a former disgraced General of the Royal Army. Borinkrijn had a small cabal of compatriots of similar extreme evangelical sentiment peppered throughout the military. When they saw their moment to rise up, when Glisandia was at its lowest and under occupation, they struck. They continued their attacks after the war, only saving a portion of their vitriol for the foreign invaders. Now they had begun a new front of terror.

Major members of the government, Ministers and Deputy Ministers, Police Chiefs, Mayors and even a Provincial Governor had been assassinated. Bombings, besides taking out officials, had also ripped through the populace, along with thrandee hit squads that preyed upon scattered villages in the south and west. Civilians were tortured and killed on a regular basis while the government forces were practically inept and powerless to stop the bloodshed.

Meanwhile, the rest of Astyria focused on the sounds that ambulance sirens make, earth tremors, renaming districts, royal lineage, and cows killed by windmills. That was actually international news.

Truth be told, there were a lot of serious issues plaguing the region. War had not only torn asunder Northern Lorecia, but also Southeast Teudallum, Bhormakaro, Insula Fera, Andamonia and several insurgencies brewing elsewhere, not to mention several natural disasters such as forest fires, hurricanes and earthquakes. Plenty of reasons that Astyrians would have moved on from being concerned about the plight of Glisandia.

Yet, focus had actually come back to Northern Lorecia and ironically to territory that had been controlled by the Duchy at one point. Many were up in arms at Romberg's plans to annex the Western Tundra. Duke Henryk had given tacit secret approval for the move to the Kaiser of Romberg, under some duress. The history between the two nations had been rocky at the best of times, and Henryk was determined to turn that history around. The focus had also stirred up Borinkrijn's Holy Domain, the major thorn to the reconstruction of the Duchy. The threats to him and his family had increased.

His security chief had pestered him for some time to do this, and now finally he'd given in. It was necessary, but one of the most difficult things he faced over these last few months.

His children sat on the cushioned bench seating that lined this particular turret of the Castle. Prince Anders had his attention on a tablet, while his sister, Princess Ivona, looked out the thick reinforced window while petting one of her many cats. The one that sat in her lap now was a Siamese. Ivona wore an elegant red satin and silk dress that had been inherited from her mother, the deceased Duchess. Seeing it instantly added more weight to Henryk's chest. She was the first to notice his presence.
"Father!"

She grabbed for the cat to move it, but Henryk waved her down.
"Please remain seated. I need to talk to you both."

Anders reluctantly put the tablet aside.
"What is it, Father?"

"We will be parting soon...and I needed to say goodbye."

"Where are you going?"

"Will it be safe?"

"I'm not going anywhere and I'm confident you'll be safe wherever you're going."

"What?"

"You aren't safe here. I don't think we'll be able to continue to guarantee your safety at the rate things are moving."

Ivona had water come to her eyes. Anders skin flashed red as he became riled.
"This is our nation, too. We need to show strength by remaining by your side. I won't leave you again, Father."

Ivona agreed in a choked voice.
"We've been to the Aurora Confederacy, to Nouvel Ecosse...I'm done with traveling, Papa."

Henryk raised his hands in mock defeat, smiling wistfully. He'd garnered much strength from these two. His flesh and blood. His future.
"That wasn't traveling, my dear, that was surviving. As this will be. You want to give me strength? Let me know confidently that you will survive...this."
He pointed back out the window to reinforce his point. The Ministry of Justice Courthouse was not in view, but it still smoldered in the distance from the bomb attack that had killed the Minister and dozens of others.

"Where are we to go? We're much safer here in the Castle, with the layers of security details." The Prince was persistent.

The Duke shook his head sadly.
"Eventually, they will find a way. They always do. And I don't want you here when they do. I don't plan to be here, either. Not in the Castle, in any case. This is about you, though. You spend your days shut up in here because it's just not safe anywhere else in the Duchy. That's no way for a young man and woman to live. Our ally, Gaul, has agreed to take you in."

"Gaul? Terre des Gaules? Where in Gaul? On the coast? The plains? In the mountains?"

The Duke shrugged.
"I don't know. I can't be allowed to know."
He weighed how much he should tell them in that regard. It had come home to him during security briefings that it was a very real possibility that he could be captured alive and tortured. Borinkrijn would stop at nothing to end the Royal line of Pierdczinsky.

The tears flowed freely now.
Ivona had acquiesced much quicker mentally than Anders. She was not a simple girl, despite what might be said. They knew how real the danger was, having lost their mother and older brother to those who wished them dead.
"This could last a long time. Years. Will you be able to visit us?"

"I will do my best, dear. I think we might be able to video chat. I don't know how it all works, but a BGSE agent was trying to explain to me how it can be routed to be untraceable. We'll find a way to stay in touch."

"Can I take my kitties?"

A two mile radius had been cleared around the military airfield close to the capital. The newly trained Glisandian special operations forces were out in force in the fields and woods surrounding, while the Royal Guard held the inside perimeter. The Gaul air force transport and fighter escort had been given clearance to land, but the true nature of their mission was unknown to the base personnel, probably up until the Royal Guard had made their presence felt. The greatest danger was of Domain moles inside the Duchy government and military.

A man in a business suit welcomed the two young royals aboard in both French and English.
"My name is Agent Louvard of the BGSE, the main intelligence agency for Gaul. I will be your main contact. You may ask me anything you like and I will do my best to answer you."

For the next four hours of their flight, Louvard remained seated and ignored every one of their questions.

After taking an extended break, Anders tried once more.
"Please answer me. Agent? Please? I'm sorry for calling you a frog. We are heading the wrong way to be going to Gaul. So where are we going?"

Louvard yawned, looking out the window.
"Ah, oui. We're out over the water now. I suppose I can tell you. You are right. We're not heading to Gaul. We're going to a protectorate of Gaul."

"Are you shitting me? We're going to Marqueville? How is that any safer than back home?"

Louvard smiled.
"Very astute. Actually, we're refueling in Marqueville, but your final destination is called Dachine. The locals call it Dao Chonh. You may have heard that one of our female fencers in the Olympics was doing very well. She's from there. I hope you packed plenty of cool clothes and swim suits."

by **The Archregimancy** » Thu Aug 11, 2016 3:09 am

IS OUTRAGE!
The Olympic Blog of Fr. Vasily the Heavily Accented

Yet More Immorality Uncovered in 'Games of Sexual Licentiousness'

Is OUTRAGE!

Between condom-throwing, condom-using, athlete-flashing and other examples of immorality that are scarring Games of Sexual Licentiousness that eleventh Olympiad has now become, there are being other events that show casting aside of morality.

First, it is coming to attention that it is not just being West Phoencia gymnasts that are doing nude flashing of brave Archregimancy athletes who are putting up with things here that they would never be putting up with back in home monasteries and hermitages. But at least West Phoencia gymnast harlots are being honest about their behaviour. When will other nations admit their athletes are discarding of clothes and showing bodies to monks? I am being sure that fit female athlete bodies are being aesthetically pleasing to men who are giving into carnal lusts, but this shocking display is not just being immoral, but is also being serious distraction to monastic athletes who are only wishing to pray and compete. Why are not authorities stopping the flashing of monks? Why are not other nations admitting to state sponsorship of flashing? Why are other nations not joining in condemnation of flashing?

Is clear sign of anti-Orthodox conspiracy.

Yes, yes, I am knowing that you are thinking that Fr. Vasily is constantly doing the banging on about anti-Orthodox conspiracy, and has been doing same thing since first Olympics, and that I am being tiresome. But I am telling you this: it is not being paranoid if they are really doing the trying to get you.

Then there are being other signs of immorality. I am not meaning to be doing picking on West Phoencia, but news is now coming that nation has built secret headquarters of demon-worshipping sin, complete with special demonic ceremonies of tarot reading and building of 'love rooms' where unmarried couples are being encouraged to do the fornicating and engaging in dark ceremony being known as 'exotic party games'. Soon I shall be doing the protesting with firmly written placard outside den of demonic sin to prove that I am doing the sternly disapproving of activities.

Then - and this is coming as shock to good Orthodox monk like Fr. Vasily - I am discovering that there is whole event at Olympics devoted to women hitting each other. This is making Fr. Vasily feel faint and in need of lie down. I am even reading of women athletes from Serbian Empire, nation where name is certainly sounding Orthodox, who are doing the boasting that 'some women love to hit, slap, or punch people'. What is happening to encouragement of happy homemakers bearing many rosy-cheeked Orthodox children who will, in many centuries over time, guarantee ultimate demographic triumph over heretical Catholics and Protestants due to ongoing supply of very large families? Instead women are doing the hitting of each other? Is this really what world is coming to? I am demanding that women's boxing immediately be banned, and existing film of results is being hidden under large inaccessible rock the location of which only I am knowing.

This ongoing search for immorality is not leaving much time for discussion of results, where brave monastic athletes have been busy on water in last day. Fr. Cosmas the Cosmic is underway in men's sailboard, event I am not understanding much, but where Fr. Cosmas is in strong position after three races. Gold medal hope Fr. Michael the Sailor is off to slow start in Men’s One-Person Dinghy - which at least is doing the getting from one place to another in boat, so is being easier to grasp. But Fr. Vasily is really doing the struggling to work out what is happening in rowing. This is being another event where athletes can lose but then gain reprieve in something called 'repechage', which is sounding suspiciously like immoral sexual behaviour, but I am understanding is just meaning 'race again to be giving you second chance to reach final'; is also confusing because there are being more than one semi-final but only some semi-finals are leading to full final. No, this is not making sense to Fr. Vasily either. Upshot is being that Fr. Callinicus & Fr. Constantine are in top semi-final leading to final of Men’s Coxless Pairs, but are being in lesser semi-final not leading to final of Men’s Double Sculls. But this is not being only water-based action! Fr. Nicanor of the Lakes & Fr. Timon of the Rivers are reaching semi-final of Men’s C-2 canoe. This is event with only one semi-final, so at least I am understanding what is going on.

Is this affinity to water perhaps in recognition of importance of water to baptism and many water-based miracles of Christ? I am not knowing, but is perhaps worth investigating. At least watching water-based sport is relief from constant surrounding of immorality in Games of Sexual Licentiousness.

by **Kernansquillec** » Thu Aug 11, 2016 5:22 am

From: Kernansquillec-NOC
Sent: Monday 10th August 2059, 20:12
To: KRN-delegation-AeropagXI, KRN-staff-AeropagXI
Cc:
Subject: News Bulletin

Dear Athletes and Coaches,

Firstly, the NOC would like to send its congratulations to Lacresha Meunier who won the silver medal in the women's 100m backstroke with a time of 58.89 seconds. We only send our regards to the equestrian team who are heading into the final day of competition with a lead in the team event and two riders in the top three. Clara Shulman and Kathern Frutos have also been in good form, qualifying for the last sixteen. Our boxers also deserve congratulations with Moises Hines, Marco Hover, Lorene Dankert, Hannah Lok, Hattie Mari, Clora Conkle and Daniella Whitsitt ensuring that the Kernansquillecan delegation didn't lose a single boxer yesterday, with all seven of them progressing to either the last sixteen or last eight of their weight categories. But finally, our thoughts also go out to the women's rugby sevens team who were defeated in the bronze medal playoff by just two points. That defeat also means that the delegation failed to pick up two medals on day three and as such, team captain Titus Gula shall avoid having to fork out for many, many pizzas.

Secondly, the NOC is happy to report that it will award a heart-shaped box of chocolates to: (a) the first male medallist; (b) the first medallist in a stadium outside of the Aeropag Natatorium; (c) the first medallist at the Olympic Tower. Further awards may also be distributed in order to give you that extra edge.

Thirdly, the NOC has heard worrying reports of other athletes looking for trouble by firing water bombs at other delegations. While we hope members of the delegation shall respect the instructions concerning water bombings issued yesterday, we fear an attack upon our delegation is becoming much more of an inevitability. Please exercise extreme vigilance and only wear clothes outside that you don't mind getting a bit wet. The NOC will be raising the security issue with the Olympic Committee, but in the case of no change in the situation, we are also preparing to stock up on eggs and flour in order to deter any first strike upon our delegation.

Fourthly, the members of the weightlifting team who engaged in an arm wrestling competition at the athletes' bar last night and who broke a table in the process are kindly, but forcefully, asked to come forward. We would also like to use this moment to remind athletes and all members of the delegation that the athletes' watering hole is first and foremost a place to relax and mingle with members of other delegations. It is not place design to get super pissed, sing karaoke, smoke weed and disappear to the bathroom with acquaintances (even if you were no doubt disappointed after your defeat, Ila Biggins, India Audette, Josephina Wallach and Maranda Voigt). The mobile phone, handbag and items of clothing left behind can be retrieved at the lobby.

Fifthly, despite their late night incidents, we must note that our girls were able to convince the bartenders to create a custom shot, which was of a green colour and has been fittingly named "the Drunken Kernansquillecan". While we discourage athletes still involved in competitions to enjoy it, it has been noted that the rum based shot is quite a success and can be ordered at the athletes' bar. Efforts are also being made to retrieve the recipe so as to bring it back home with us.

Sixthly, the NOC will not comment on reports that the information stated in points four and five came to our knowledge thanks to an unnamed NOC official who was present at (and involved in) the festivities at the athletes' bar.

Seventhly, the NOC is pleased to here that members of the delegation appear to be following our recommendations of the previous newsletters. We hope the delegation shall continue to uphold our high standards that shall help them succeed on the sporting field.

Finally, all athletes are reminded that TV crews from Kernansquillec will be allowed inside the team hotel tomorrow afternoon as they film a short clip about life in the Olympic Village. Members of staff and athletes who have been requested for interviews will be notified, but please be aware that if in the hotel at the time you are susceptible to be filmed and interviewed by the journalists.

Good luck for the upcoming events, the whole of Kernansquillec is behind you,

Kindest regards,

Isabella Pinkton
Head organiser of the Kernansquillecan delegation to the Aeropag Games
Kernansquillecan National Olympic Committee
104, boulevard du Faisan - K1580 KERNANSQUILLEC CITY
Tel. (+22) 1 27 52 66 07

by **Uzekia** » Thu Aug 11, 2016 5:45 am

ATHLETES OF THE GLORIOUS AND ETERNAL UZEKIAN EMPIRE!

Athletes, coaches, staff. You are the chosen ones. Chosen by the Holy Emperor himself to defend the colours of the Uzekian Empire in a foreign hostile nation against competitors who will stop at nothing to humiliate Uzekia. The competition may be rigged, but Uzekia shall triumph. For we are the strong. We are the mightly. We are the Chosen Ones. Uzekia shall win in the face of all of the odds and spite those who dare question our holy right to be the supreme nation, built by the supreme race, put on their Earth to save it from the unclean.

The Holy Emperor has been paying attention to your performances. He welcomes the sacrifices you have been making and expects you all to continue your upmost to vanquish our enemies. Both on the field and off of it. While defeating drugs cheats in rigged competitions is hard, as we showed on the first day with our silver medal, the sheer will and athletic power of the Chosen can vanquish all before it. But as for off of the field, no nation can come anywhere neat the Uzekian Empire. Even our shadow is above them. As such, the Uzekian Empire and the Holy Emperor are putting at your disposal a large supply of water guns, balloons, eggs, flour and glitter. Your objective: eliminate those who have wronged us. Rid Aeropag of the unclean. And above all, destroy the delegation of Dunnes. These enemies of the state have dared criticize the Holy Emperor. Every egg in the face, every athlete soaked, every room covered in glitter, ever coach turned white, ever wife and child gunned down shall be rewarded by the Holy Emperor.

Unleash hell upon our enemies. Let them know what it means to be afraid. Make them tremble before the all powerful might of the Uzekian Empire.

Glory to the Empire!

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