{BOLDSPORT} Low Quality Bonesea Sports News

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{BOLDSPORT} Low Quality Bonesea Sports News

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:20 am

CLOSED: thread for Bonesea sports RPs only, please TG for permission to post here.



Editor-in-Chief: Izzie Worthette

Welcome to the Boldsport online sportswire, a cheap and poorly proof-read substitute for our classy magazine, available as a responsibly-sourced paper version printed from renewable forest paper using real Bonesea squink, the best high-quality synthesised psuedo squid ink. Boldsport Magazine is available weekly for a mere ฿1.33, and includes fine articles, erudite commentary, award-winning photography, graphics an Audioslav would die for, the very latest scoops and the best sports journalism in the Wide Enness Ocean. This sportswire, on the other hand, is free... you get what you pay for: spelling errors, mixed metaphors, standardised national transport fonts, over-reliance on a narrow range of adjectives and a Bonesea Barque-load of sporting cliches.

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SB-587INDEPENDENTS CUP 3 | Poor show...
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Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:21 am

{RESERVED - For future indexing}
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{BOLDSPORT} Bonesligg

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:24 am


Organised by the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn, the Bonesligg is the national football league of Bonesea. Founded in SB-525, it is the second oldest football league in the Wide Enness Ocean, after the even more venerable Spittaligg, founded in SB-485 - which was the first and for 40 years only organised football league in Bonesea. While the Spittaligg catered for - and still does - the urban area of the Spit Peninsula and the capital, the Bonesligg capitalised on a growing demand around the country for football, and was established to unite the nation with the Greasy Churn. Naturally, it has been the old hands of the Spittaligg which have dominated the league, with Extramarine (formerly Spittalmarine) and Florence Boldclub the dominant sides, Athletic St. Leah (formerly Spit) also among the elite and only SS Skiveness from outside the capital city managing to compete regularly with the big three for a place in the top rankings of Bonesea Churning. Athletic, the team from St. Leah, Spittalsea, were the first declared national champions of Bonesea.

Beginning with two divisions of 12 teams in SB-525, the league has slowly expanded to reach what is likely to be its limit of sixty participating clubs in five divisions. There is a two-team automatic promotion and relegation observed up to and including the second tier; until SB-571, this included the top flight as well. In order to make the top division stronger, partly in preparation for planned participation in future UICA competitions and partly to develop the national team with a decent group of players, the Bonesligg-1 top division promotion/relegation rules changed; automatic promotion from Bonesligg-2 could only occur when a team won the second tier in three out of five seasons. They would replace the team with the worst average from the top flight over those three seasons. Grasshoppers FC were promoted in place of Turbine FF Gallowsea in SB-576 to become the first promotion-relegation since the 'Cumulative Promotion Rules' were applied. Subsequently, Torpedo Spitney replaced 1.FC Tocklehove in SB-580 as the second and last winner under the system before a reshuffle in SB-586 brought the return of automatic promotion, but with one up-one down in the top division.


Year	Season	CHAMPION		RUNNER-UP		3rd	

526 1 Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub Fishers Grimsea
527 2 Florence Boldclub Viking Tananger Fishers Grimsea
528 3 SS Skiveness Florence Boldclub 1.FC Tocklehove
529 4 Florence Boldclub Moss FC Turbine FF Gallowsea
530 5 Skelling Club Spittalmarine Gullravens FC
531 6 Spittalmarine Athletic Spit Skullion FF
532 7 Florence Boldclub SS Skiveness Moss FC
533 8 Moss FC Florence Boldclub Spittalmarine
534 9 1.FC Tocklehove Academic Spit Gymnasia Scold
535 10 Spittalmarine Florence Boldclub Athletic Spit
536 11 Spittalmarine Florence Boldclub SS Skiveness
537 12 Florence Boldclub Athletic Spit Spittalmarine
538 13 Spittalmarine Gullravens FC Moss FC
539 14 Florence Boldclub Spittalmarine Turbine FF Gallowsea
540 15 Skullion FF SS Skiveness Hearts FC
541 16 Kickers FF Sand Viking Tananger Athletic Spit
542 17 SS Skiveness Spittalmarine Moss FC
543 18 Florence Boldclub Turbine FF Gallowsea Spittalmarine
544 19 Moss FC Florence Boldclub Gullravens FC
545 20 SS Skiveness Spittalmarine Academic Spit
546 21 Spittalmarine Florence Boldclub SS Skiveness
547 22 Gymnasia Scold Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub
548 23 SS Skiveness Athletic Spit Kickers FF Sand
549 24 SS Skiveness Florence Boldclub 17.FF Tolling
550 25 Athletic Spit SS Skiveness Florence Boldclub
551 26 Gullravens FC Spittalmarine Athletic Spit
552 27 Florence Boldclub Moss FC Skelling Club
553 28 Athletic Spit Spittalmarine Florence Boldclub
554 29 Gymnasia Scold Skelling Club Spittalmarine
555 30 Florence Boldclub Viking Tananger Turbine FF Gallowsea
556 31 Gullravens FC Athletic Spit 17.FF Tolling
557 32 17.FF Tolling SS Skiveness 1.FC Tocklehove
558 33 Spittalmarine Torpedo Spitney Florence Boldclub
559 34 Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub Gymnasia Scold
560 35 Viking Tananger Moss FC 1.FC Tocklehove
561 36 Spittalmarine Start-93 17.FF Tolling
562 37 Viking Tananger Torpedo Spitney Spittalmarine
563 38 Spittalmarine Start-93 Turbine FF Gallowsea
564 39 Athletic Spit SS Skiveness Moss FC
565 40 Spittalmarine Moss FC Florence Boldclub
566 41 SS Skiveness Athletic Spit 1.FC Tocklehove
567 42 Spittalmarine Moss FC 1.FC Tocklehove
568 43 Moss FC Gullravens FC Gymnasia Scold
569 44 Moss FC SS Skiveness Spittalmarine
570 45 1.FC Tocklehove Gymnasia Scold Moss FC
571 46 Florence Boldclub Spittalmarine Moss FC
572 47 Spittalmarine SS Skiveness Moss FC
573 48 SS Skiveness Spittalmarine Athletic Spit
574 49 Viking Tananger Athletic Spit Spittalmarine
575 50 Spittalmarine Athletic Spit SS Skiveness
576 51 Florence Boldclub Spittalmarine Moss FC
577 52 Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub 1.FC Tocklehove
578 53 Florence Boldclub Start-93 Athletic Spit
579 54 Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub SS Skiveness
580 55 SS Skiveness Florence Boldclub Start-93
581 56 SS Skiveness Athletic Spit Florence Boldclub
582 57 Athletic Spit Start-93 SS Skiveness
583 58 Florence Boldclub SS Skiveness Gymnasia Scold
584 59 SS Skiveness Athletic Spit Torpedo Spitney
585 60 Florence Boldclub Gymnasia Scold SS Skiveness
586 61 SS Skiveness Oysterhaven Reds Florence Boldclub
587 62 SS Skiveness Gullravens FC Oysterhaven Reds
588 63 Blue Boys FF Gymnasia Scold SS Skiveness
589 64 Oysterhaven Reds SS Skiveness Florence Boldclub


13 Florence Boldclub (2 Ligg/Kop doubles)
12 SS Skiveness (2 doubles), Spittalmarine (1 double)
8 Athletic Spit
4 Moss FC
3 Viking Tananger
2 Gymnasia Scold, Gullravens FC, 1.FC Tocklehove
1 Skelling Club, Skullion FF, Kickers FF Sand, 17.FF Tolling, Blue Boys FF, Oysterhaven Reds
Last edited by Bonesea on Mon Jan 15, 2018 2:32 pm, edited 52 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Skellingkop

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:28 am


Organised by the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn, the Skellingkop is the national knockout football tournament of Bonesea. Founded in SB-538, fifteen seasons after the establishment of the national league, it was devised to compliment the growing interest in national competition and to supersede local and regional cups that had been running for considerably longer - the Spittalkop being the oldest tournament of any kind in Bonesea. The trophy, formally called the Ray Skellington Grade Trophy after the founding father of independent Bonesea, quickly became known as the Skellingkop, and the tournament - officially the Bonesea National Boldkop - is informally referred to by the same name.

From the outset the competition was designed for 64 competing teams, but expanded in SB-583 to double the size of 128 teams, allowing more village teams the chance to take on the masters. Often the number of entries can reach up to 200 and there can be a number of preliminary or elimination rounds between the non-league teams to complete the compliment that join the Bonesligg clubs in 'Kop-1', the first official round of the Skellingkop. There are six rounds of elimination leading to the Kop Final, with the semis referred to as Kop-6.

The competition has offered a few surprises along the way, with Whelm Town Welfare winning the first tournament and other smaller teams regularly reaching the final, although Fishers Grimsea are the only other lower-level side to win. Undoubtedly the dominant force in the Kop are SS Skiveness with a remarkable 16 final appearances and eleven wins, almost double what anyone else has managed to accomplish.


Year	Kop	Winner			Score	Runner-Up		Notes

538 1 Whelm Town Welfare 3-2 1.FC Tocklehove
539 2 SS Skiveness 4-1 Moss FC
540 3 Athletic Spit 4-0 Rapid FF Kells
541 4 Florence Boldclub 9-0 Washaway FC
542 5 SS Skiveness 1-0 Gullravens FC First league & cup double
543 6 Florence Boldclub 3-1 SS Skiveness League & cup double
544 7 Athletic Spit 1-0 SS Skiveness
545 8 Skelling Club 2-1 1.FC Tocklehove
546 9 SS Skiveness 5-2 Hearts AFC
547 10 SS Skiveness 4-0 Hearts AFC First 2-in-a-row
548 11 Athletic Spit p2-2 1.FC Tocklehove 1-1 FT; 2-1 PKs
549 12 SS Skiveness x4-2 Gymnasia Scold 1-1 FT; second double for SS
550 13 Moss FC 5-3 Spittalmarine
551 14 Moss FC 3-1 Washaway FC 2-in-a-row
552 15 1.FC Tocklehove 8-1 Whelm Town Welfare
553 16 Turbine FF Gallowsea p1-1 Celtic Club Skein 1-1 FT; 4-2 PKs
554 17 Spittalmarine 3-1 Kickers FF Sand
555 18 Moss FC 6-0 Viking Tananger
556 19 SS Skiveness 2-0 Athletic Spit
557 20 Athletic Spit 6-0 Washaway FC
558 21 Turbine FF Gallowsea 2-0 Crows Club
559 22 Start-93 p2-2 Athletic Spit 2-2 FT; 4-3 PKs
560 23 SS Skiveness 4-1 Moss FC
561 24 Florence Boldclub 0-0 Spittalmarine 3-2 PKs
562 25 1.FC Tocklehove 2-0 SS Skiveness
563 26 Florence Boldclub 6-0 Spittalmarine
564 27 Fishers Grimsea x1-0 Spittalmarine 0-0 FT;
565 28 Spittalmarine p2-2 SS Skiveness 1-1 FT; 2-0 PKs; League & Cup double
566 29 Athletic Spit 8-0 Skelling Club
567 30 SS Skiveness 5-1 Whelm Town Welfare
568 31 1.FC Tocklehove p2-2 Viking Tananger 2-2 FT; 4-3 PKs
569 32 SS Skiveness x1-0 Athletic Spit 0-0 FT;
570 33 Florence Boldclub 6-1 Spittalmarine
571 34 Gymnasia Scold 2-0 Turbine FF Gallowsea
572 35 1.FC Tocklehove 5-2 Whelm Town Welfare
573 36 Viking Tananger 3-2 Moss FC
574 37 SS Skiveness 4-3 Spittalmarine Tenth Kop win for SS
575 36 Viking Tananger 3-0 Spittalmarine
576 37 Viking Tananger 5-1 1.FC Tocklehove Third team to win 2-in-a-row
577 38 Viking Tananger 3-1 Whelm Town Welfare First team to win 3-in-a-row
578 39 Florence Boldclub x4-3 Moss FC 3-3 FT; Ligg/Kop double (2nd for Boldclub)
579 40 Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Spittalmarine
580 41 Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Florence Boldclub
581 42 Gymnasia Scold 5-1 Torpedo Spitney Second team to win 3-in-a-row
582 43 Viking Tananger 1-0 1.FC Tocklehove
583 44 Athletic Spit p2-2 Florence Boldclub 1-1 FT; 5-4 PKs
584 45 Gymnasia Scold 3-0 SS Skiveness
585 46 SS Skiveness x2-1 Gullravens FC 1-1 FT;
586 47 Oysterhaven Reds 3-1 Dogside Works FF
587 48 Armada Club 1–0 Rapid FF Kells
588 49 Torpedo Spitney 5–3 Gullravens FC
589 50 Fishers Grimsea 5-2 Start-93

Titles (finals)

11 SS Skiveness (16)
6 Florence Boldclub (8), Athletic Spit (9)
5 Gymnasia Scold (6), Viking Tananger (7)
4 1.FC Tocklehove (9)
3 Moss FC (7)
2 Fishers Grimsea (2), Turbine FF Gallowsea (3), Spittalmarine (10)
1 Oysterhaven Reds (1), Armada Club (1), Torpedo Spitney (2), Skelling Club (2), Start-93 (2), Whelm Town Welfare (5)

Non-winning finalists

3 Washaway FC, Gullravens FC
2 Hearts AFC
1 Rapid FF Kells, Celtic Skein, Kickers FF Sand, Crows Club, Dogside Works FF
Last edited by Bonesea on Wed Dec 20, 2017 1:03 am, edited 23 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} National Team Records

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:40 am


[EDITOR'S MEMO: Who the hell is the international team reporter these days? Get him down here to sort this mess out. NOW!!!]
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{BOLDSPORT} Baptism of Fire 62

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 14, 2016 11:49 am


Cosumar & Royal Kindgom of Quebec
In the Bonesea year SB-572

Bonesea's first tilt at international competition ended in a highly impressive final appearance against Chernodad, surprising everyone - not least themselves - along the way with their competitive debut. It had not started well, what with losing the squad en-route and then losing 0-17 in a dockside warm-up match in Burgess, Royal Kingdom of Quebec. But things rapidly improved under new manager Pythagoras Jones, former first mate of the HMS Custom of The Sea, and after winning their qualifying group with a perfect 3-0 record, the Purple Bruise went on to reach the final with a slightly defensive formation that failed to impress watchers back home, in terms of watchability. But who could complain at coming second in a major international tournament, and reaching a final in their very first, with a bunch of untrained sailors.

MVP: Des Jeruselem
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett 6 in 7 games
Record: P7 W6 D0 L1 F13 A4
Final Rank: 144

Stage	Venue	Opponent    Score R  Team  														Subs	   
Group N-RKQ US Saints 3-1 W Puffin/ Blue/ Lawson/ Scrote/ Shanty (1)/ Ortiz/ Yellowhammer/ Acosta/ Napoléon (1)/ Wickett (1)/ Jeruselem Sermons, Wherry
Group N-RKQ Litorea 2-1 W Puffin/ Blue/ Wherry/ Scrote/ Ruggles/ Ortiz/ Yellowhammer/ Acosta/ Sermons/ Wickett (1)/ Jeruselem (1) McCord, Gayle, Key
Group N-RKQ Shmirnov 2-0 W McCord ©/ Gayle/ Lawson/ Fletcher/ Ruggles/ Jones, N/ Jones, R (1)/ Acosta/ Key/ Wickett (1)/ Saltbones Jones W, Wherry
Group C Table - Quebec
Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bonesea 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
2 Litorea 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
3 Shmirnov 3 0 2 1 3 5 −2 2
4 The United States of Saints 3 0 1 2 3 6 −3 1

Stage Venue Opponent Score R Team Subs
R-16 N-RKQ Cre Drago 3-0 W McCord ©/ Blue/ Lawson/ Scrote/ Shanty/ Ortiz/ Yellowhammer/ Acosta (1)/ Napoléon (1)/ Wickett (1)/ Jeruselem Fletcher, Saltbones, Key
QF N-RKQ New Gazi 2-1 W McCord/ Blue/ Lawson/ Scrote/ Shanty/ Ortiz/ Yellowhammer/ Acosta/ Napoléon (1)/ Wickett (1)/ Jeruselem Saltbones, Jones R, Jones N
SF N-RKQ Brigantii 1-0 W Puffin ©/ Blue/ Lawson/ Scrote/ Ruggles/ Ortiz/ Jones, R/ Acosta/ Napoléon/ Wickett (1)/ Jeruselem Gayle, Sermons, Jones W

Final N-COS Chernordad 0-1 L Puffin/ Blue/ Lawson/ Scrote/ Shanty/ Ortiz/ Jones, R/ Acosta/ Napoléon/ Wickett/ Jeruselem Marshall, Sermons, Saltbones

Baptism of Fire 62
Pre-Tournament Friendly
@ The Pier, Dock 5, Burgess

Burgess Local Dockers XI Selection 17-0 Bonesea
Goals: various unregistered dockers, waifs & strays

By coach Pythagoras Jones' estimation, the lads of HMS Custom of The Sea are too few to reliably compete in a tournament, even one where they could expect to get a good thrashing at least three times in the first three games. The only solution will be to recruit a few locals to the cause.

A hastily arranged kickabout is set up on dockside, between some of the crew of the HMS Custom and the local labour force, with a surreptitious plan to scout the talent and see if they can pick up a couple reserves for the tournament. The balance of ability, however, is not quite what Pythagoras had expected. The locals are nine goals up in the first quarter of an hour, and every one of their lads is better than what the ship can offer. Only the ship's cook, Chilli-Bean Acosta, a Tamarindian immigrant and therefore a natural on the ball, can compare favourably to the locals. And since word quickly spreads about the kickabout with a bunch of hapless foreigners, the locals gather in numbers - there's about twenty five of them waiting for a turn at any time.

"We could make a whole squad out of these boys," says Stretcher Banks to the coach.

"We'd never get away with it. We'll just pick five at random, and hope no-one notices."


"I swear," say the men in turn, "to love my nation, to turn away from childish idols, to make a shambles of everything whenever my country demands it, to be the agent of haphazard narratives for the good of Bonesea and to sacrifice my dignity and finer qualities if the plot demands it, to tolerate the cold and the rain of my snakéd new home, to fear the mammoth but not the knogle, to serve unstintingly, curse unwaveringly, act uncannily and speak with the peculiar throwaway connotation of the Bonesfolk until the Old Man takes me and my bones once more are enveloped in the womb of my country."

And so, by ways unfortunate and perhaps a little contrived, the five good dockers* of Burgess become Bonesmen, as witnessed by Captain Ratio Suckling; and to them is given the Bruise-Purple shirts of the national football team in order that they might fill in at the Baptism of Fire while Messrs. Couth & Ruly, agents of the Narrative Committee, go out into the multiverse to find out what the devil happened to the actual designated squad that Ratio managed to lose.

*Poor old Chang took a bullet in the buttock when the team bus got shot up outside the Lil Wayne Enterprises Arena in Gotham, ahead of their opening match, and that was him out of the Baptism of Fire. I can't tell you the heavy irony of this incident in such a small text box. Maybe later.

The Spit Rattle wrote:

Bullets, Backsides & Bonesea!
Baptism of Outrage in Gotham!
Newspaper forced to crack out multiple exclamation marks!

Baptism of Fire 62
Match day 1
@ Lil Wayne Enterprises Arena, Gotham

United States of Saints 1-3 Bonesea
Goals: Maki ('31) / Shanty ('49), Wickett ('50), Napoléon ('77)

WHAT IN THE NAME OF dogs is going on in Cosubec?! The Spit Rattle has been forced to break a tight budget and send an investigative reporter to the other side of the multiverse to investigate and report on a bizarre set of facts emerging on the newswires about the opening tournament of the World Cup 75 cycle. The editor was shocked to discover:

> Bonesea team sheet unrecognisable!
> Foreign types!
> 17-0 warm-up defeat!
This paper was also horrified to read that:
> Player shot in buttock during bus attack!
> Murderous riots at football ground!
> Executions on the pitch!


The whole press room was infuriated to learn:
> Nine - NINE! - players booked for the Purple Bruise!
> No wrestling allowed!
> Cross-dressing at the dockyard!
And worst of all, the whole nation will be slightly irritated that:


> Rubbish Bonesea team wins contrary to narrative thrust
> No mention of separatist terrorists anywhere on MD-1
> dammit
> Newspaper runs out of exclamation marks
More to follow...

Boldsport Magazine wrote:

Bruise Through
Ship's Crew Win Against Expectation
Cards & Suspensions Suggest Struggles Ahead

Baptism of Fire 62
Match day 2
@ Bannockburn Stadium, Charlottetown, Prince Laurent Island

Bonesea 2-1 Litorea
Goals: Jeruselem ('45+1) Wickett ('50) / Masoù ('27)
Sent off: Puffin ('21) Jeruselem ('87), (Bonesea)

Bonesea's makeshift national team, labouring under multiple handicaps including a profound lack of experience and a naïve indiscipline, managed a second come-back win in a row in Charlottetown to qualify for the next stage of the 62nd Baptism of Fire. If the previous victory could be fairly chalked up to the contributions of the local recruits Marouaine Shanty & Napoléon - who both scored - Des Jeruselem & BE Lawson, this one with three of them rested was all about luck, grit and catennacio. Plus the flamboyant Jeruselem, and the hint of an emerging star - by Bonesea standards - of striker Conchobar Wickett.

A desperate start saw the Purple Bruise pinned into their half and things got precarious when captain and keeper Scelianus Puffin got a straight red for a body slam on Litorea triquartista Járvi, a perfect illustration of how the domestic game needs to be set aside for this tournament: greasy churning is not going to be tolerated by foreign referees. Replacement keeper McCord's first job, on for striker Billy Sermons, was to save a tame penalty from Járvi. But within five minutes Litorean captain and winger Marten Masoù had made amends with a neat volley, following up on a dangerous corner. It was backs to the wall for the rest of the half, the two central defenders Wherry and Scrote earning many admirers in the tight ground for their labours. Then the start of another shock result unfolded. Right at the end of the half, with their first counter, the Boney boys got voluptuous winger Des Jeruselem clear, and his neat strike with the last kick of the half levelled against all odds.

A second attack from second half kick-off gave fair warning that purple tails were up, as the impressive-looking Tamarindian midfielder Chilli-Bean Acosta smashed a rocket off the cross-bar, and in an early period of dominance, Wickett hit his second goal of the tournament when Jeruselem played him in behind to put Bonesea ahead. Litorean heads did not drop however, and they were soon back camped in the Bruise' half, where desperate defending stood between them and at least a draw. Jeruselem, Yellowhammer, Ortiz, Scrote and sub Cromwell Gayle all earned bookings, and the cross-dresser Jeruselem was punished with a second booking and a red card with five minutes to go, leaving his teammates to see out the game with nine men. With Yellowhammer, Ortiz and Scrote all picking up two yellows in the last two games, they will join him in suspension for the next one, although fortunately the result is now academic.

Bonesea have surprised two opponents so far in this tournament but in order to keep going they will have to find some discipline, and abandon the lesser-appreciated wrestling aspects of domestic churning. With a beginner coach, albeit the descendent of a World Cup-winner, it seems unlikely this brave bunch of Boney amateurs will have anything more than a grand day out in the final sixteen.

The 1.2.7 Fanzine wrote:

Extended Holiday For Seamen
Bruise Triple Despite Dalek Trouble
Some players alleged to be "quite good"

Baptism of Fire 62
Match day 3
@ Memorial Coliseum, California City, Manitoba

Shmirnov 0-2 Bonesea
Goals: Wickett ('67) Jones R ('76)

There are at least two headlines that come out of this otherwise rather dull game, as Bonesea stunned themselves with a third consecutive victory in the mild temperatures of California City, amid more scenes of chaos as a group of Daleks invaded the pitch at half time.

Victory was ensured after the break, which took two hours and had many wondering if the game ought to have been abandoned. Bonesea, already suffering under the weight of suspensions, looked ultra-cautious in the first half against an otherwise anonymous Shmirnov team who have rather failed to turn up at this tournament. They looked like they might grind out a third straight forgettable draw. But in the second half, they looked the more affected by events, and the Purple Bruise finally took control of the game, dominating the second forty five and perhaps unlucky to only come away with two goals. Conchobar Wickett scored for the third game in a row to suggest he might be worth his weight in conchobars, and Reskadinnick Jones, the son of the coach making his debut, killed the game off with a headed second goal.

In many ways the final scoreline was disappointing as Pythagoras Jones team continue to set up ultra defensively, and there is a growing clamour, in this office anyway, to switch to the vintage 1.2.7 formation and really give teams something to think about. Come on Pythagoras, attack attack attack!

Meanwhile the tournament continues to be bogged down by incidents of crowd trouble, schedule cock-ups and foul weather. For the second time our seamen have experienced a seriously delayed restart after violence in the stadium and on the pitch, this time by up to 40 'Daleks' according to local press releases. The highly militarised wheelchair users organisation, seeking disability rights by using violent acts of terrorism, resorted to its well-known tactic of parachuting in to big sports events with Kalashnikov Wheelchairs, riot gear, smoke flares, sonic grenades and deadly Green Potato guns. They were finally quelled by a Mountie SWAT team led by what appeared to be someone disguised as one of the old Wight pantheon of dubious devils, Doctor Baker-Who. Whatever next, the world wonders.

The Daily Isambard wrote:

Persistent Bruise Spreads
Bonesea Win Again, Odds Shorten
[i]Classy broadsheet refuses to use second byline

Baptism of Fire 62
@ Imperial Copper Stadium, Rouyn-Noranda

Bonesea 3-0 Cre Drago
Goals: Acosta ('14) Napoléon ('15) Wickett ('28)

The Purple Bruise pushed over another hurdle - quite literally at times - as Cre Drago were undone by an intense physical onslaught in the first half an hour, effectively finishing this as a contest and ensuring the Bonesfolk's unlikely run continues into the quarterfinals. Chilli-Bean Acosta, ship's cook on the HMS Custom of The Sea, got his reward for consistently tasty performances in this competition with the opening goal after quarter of an hour. That was the Tamarindian's first for his adopted country and was immediately followed by a second, as another naturalised foreigner, local docker Napoléon, bundled in a second less than a minute after the restart. By then the Crees had barely had a touch on the ball and when they did, the 'industrious' - read: brutal - churners from the cold island were all over them in a decidedly physical encounter. Cre Drago may justly feel they ought to have had more protection from the referee who seemed content to let play continue, barely calling foul let alone issuing warnings or cards. Rising star Conchobar Wickett added his fourth in four, predictably, getting the last touch on an Ogden Yellowhammer shot and directing it past miserable Cree keeper Alicia Frederick who looked like she might concede ten.

That wasn't to be the case, however, as Pythagoras Jones ordered his fishy boys to ease up, one eye on the next round, and the game settled into a dour non-contest with little further incident to write home about. That included a distinct lack of trouble in or around the ground as the local law enforcement finally seems to have got on top of unruly Quebeçois hooligans and disability terrorism. There was less joy with the weather, as this distant outpost of the enormous country was almost snowed under, requiring a leg-jamming sixteen hour train journey to get in and apparently more than double that to get out. This makeshift squad don't seem to mind though - the seamen of the HMS Custom and their associated waifs and strays are just enjoying the opportunity to kick a ball, and some opponents, around a snowy park.

The Skiveness Natterrag wrote:

Final Four!
Mammoth Trek To Forgettable Win
Dull games need a bit of grease & wrestle

Baptism of Fire 62
@ California City Memorial Coliseum, California City, Ontario

Bonesea 2-1 New Gazi
Goals: Wickett ('11) Napoléon ('90+2) / Contee ('37)

Only a last-minute winner from local lad Napoléon saved the Quebeçois public and the Bonesfolk back home watching on television from having to endure another thirty minutes of such dreadful football which might conservatively be called an insult to the competition and the sport, so dire was the offering from two squads of thoroughly exhausted footballers. Travelling for days on trains through the worst snow storm to hit the region in a gajillion years, one had every sympathy for players who looked shattered right at kickoff. But any hint of an heroic push to the final four was without credibility: the only push these players were making was for a decent hammock to swing in.

One must question the decision-making process of the NSWC Excomm and how many NS Dollars with Cosubec fingerprints on them are knocking around the WC Treasury right now for agreeing to host a major tournament in such perilous conditions. And we're not just talking about the weather here. For the second time in this tournament our patient seamen have had to wait it out while the game is delayed for pitch-side executions, and this in the more temperate stoner city of California, where one does not expect summary stadium execution rites reminiscent of the Staliban & OSIRIS death-cults running rampant and unchecked in barbaric nations like Starbabylon or Afghalinora*.

Even coach Pythagoras Jones, still learning on the job and ever-so-ever-so cautious, agreed reluctantly that what the competition needed was more attacking intent, more in-game violence and less out-game executions, better weather and better transport. "I think we can all agree that by preventing extra time with that late winner, the lad Napoléon has saved lives. Imagine the spike in suicide rates having to watch another half hour of that!" he said. Quite right, we say. The Skiveness Natterrag, your local local, joins the growing campaign for the Purple Bruise to switch to a more ambitious formation that will bring some excitement beyond voyeuristic and ever more horrible televised half time executions. We'd rather see the return of the 1.2.7 formation than another grisly death-by-approximately-a-thousand-cuts.

The Shambolica Borealis Weekly wrote:

Gotham Hoax!
Newswire Claims Shambolic Bonesea Sailors In Final
Or did the sailors hoax opposition into losing?

Baptism of Fire 62
@ Lil Wayne Enterprise Arena, Gotham, Terra Henrius

Brigantii 0-1 Bonesea
Goals: Wickett ('61)

Has there ever been such a sham of no-hopers run all the way to a title outside of that poorly-written unbelievable fictional sports story of 'RL' which was such an unlikely hit across the multiverse? Could a bunch of salty seamen 'do a Lyssessessessessesster'? And at the sharp end of the team a pale and skinny little thing with the eyes of a crackwhore who just keeps on banging away the goals like they were his sisters? Well, maybe life does imitate art, as Conchobar Wickett hit his sixth in six games on sixty minutes (ish) to get the Purple Bruise over the line and into the final of the Baptism of Fire.

In a tightly contested affair down Gotham way, where the atmosphere was generally calm and unusually collected, most people's favourites Birgantii certainly had the edge, the lion's share of chances and the better looking players. It's probably fair to say that Bonesea had the support though, with the Gothamites taking to this team of no-hopers and their chaotic approach to football as if they were the home side. But it would have counted for nothing if it hadn't been for poor Brigantine centre-back Wardell Raines, whose calamitous season came to an awful end when his weak and apologetic back pass to keeper Ray Hurst - under no pressure at all - was easily anticipated by the skinny rocket, Wickett. To maintain his remarkable goal-per-game consistency 'The Conch (it'll never catch on)' intercepted, rounded the keeper and poked home an unexpected winner with the perfect balance of fluid grace and unappealing looks of a rat up a drainpipe. Raines was substituted five minutes later to end his season ignominiously, but not before flamboyant Bonesea diva Des Jeruselem had brazenly ignored Brigantii RP permissions of 'no molesting' and pinched the unfortunate defender on the bottom. A small altercation followed in which Raines, Jeruselem and KP Scrote, never one to miss out on a scuffle, were all booked.

The favourites could not muster a fightback and somewhat capitulated in the last quarter of the game as the Bruise dug in for the win, and a wholly unexpected trip to Cosumar for the final against Chernodad, who, according to the scouting dossier, have been imitating the Purple Bruise' style through the knockout rounds; which seems a suicidally ridiculous thing to do, the Bonesfolk being practiced over three centuries of chaos. You can't turn the shambles, the meanwhiles, the unspoken asides and innuendo on and off at will... That said, it's worked for them so far.

The Uncertain Times wrote:

Heartbreak in Cosumar
Maybe RKQ Not So Bad After All
Nation to honour sailors with extra rations and blotwine

Baptism of Fire 62
@ Fire River Arena, Ramusok, Cosumar

Chernordad 1-0 Bonesea

As predicted by pundits and fans everywhere, and the famous fortune teller of Skiveness Pier, the Purple Bruise' luck had to run out sometime and predictably it was just as they might look like they could be better than they actually are. Standard. But what a glorious run to the final?! How everyone was surprised by the comfortable way in which a bunch of sailors, co-opted into the tournament to replace a team for reasons that have still not been adequately explained to the Bonesea public, took on some superior footballing nations and got themselves toward the top of the pile before being found out.

In consultation with the Narrative Committee and at the behest of the Cartographer General*, Donna Maw, the whole team have been offered first option on a place in the World Cup squad, and Pythagoras Jones is to remain as coach for as long as HQ Hobbs is still missing somewhere in the middle of next week. The Uncertain Times understands he is to be inducted on an Entry Level coaching course so as not to be a complete laughing stock when the world starts to engage with our boys The Purple Bruise. Calls for more adventurous football have largely been drowned out by the polite applause and genteel acclaim for coming second in the Baptism of Fire, but they will surely surface again as Bonesea begin their campaign in the World Cup proper.

Meanwhile - [I couldn't resist] - World Cup finalists San Jose Guayabal have honoured the achievements of this small band of salty seadogs by inviting them to compete in a pre-World Cup friendly which, when you consider the 17-0 drubbing the Bruise took in the Baptism warm up down on the docks, will most likely be the worst kind of drubbing you can possibly imagine but, as The Old Man used to say, "better apocalypse now than a lazy Sunday afternoon" - which we assume means we should get behind the team and enjoy the lessons we'll undoubtedly be learning from the experience.
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:27 am, edited 7 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} World Cup'75 Qualifying

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 28, 2016 5:40 am


For Audioslavia & Krytenia AK75
In the Bonesea year SB-573

Qualifying did not go according to plan; the plan being: it's the first qualifying campaign, expect heavy defeats to active nations, frustrating defeats to inactive rank cruisers, finish bottom and try not to get too disheartened. Or, as the Narrative Committee put it, we've got to RP the shinbones out of this tournament just to avoid sinking without trace. Under pressure to be more entertaining in defeat, coach Pythagoras Jones introduced the bizarre 1-2-7 'Argånger' formation declaring it will 'confuse opponents' and it seemed largely to work - the plan turned out to be not a plan as Bonesea chased Royal Kingdom of Quebec all the way for qualification. A mid-point blip and shaky home form undid automatic qualification - that and the Quebeçois all-conquering form - and the one thing that did go to plan - losing out to a rank coaster as the disinterested Swordians ground out results just to annoy everyone - also came undone when they quit unexpectedly and controversially with a Blexit vote, vacating the play-off spot to the Purple Bruise. Stunningly the Bruise took victories in both legs against the Greggs to make a rare first-comer qualification to the finals.

MVP: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett 6 in 13 games
Record: P14 W8 D1 L5 F30 A26
Interim Rank: 82 (up 62 from 144)

Stage	Venue	Opponent		Score	R	Line-Up														Subs
Qual A Welcomzia 1-1 D Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon, Wickett (1), Chang Blue, Sermons
Q H Royal Kingdom of Quebec 1-2 L Smith; Lawson; Shanty, Ortiz; Jeruselem (1), Jones R; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon, Wickett, Chang Jones N, Brown, Jones W
Q A Equestrian States 3-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Brown (1); Jeruselem, Jones R (1); Acosta, Sól, Napoléon, Wickett (1), Chang Sermons, Ortiz
Q H Corelia 3-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Brown; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon (1), Wickett (1), Chang (1) Turk, Sermons, Ortiz
Q A Amazonesta 4-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Brown; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Marshall, Napoléon (1), Wickett (2), Turk (1) Ortiz, Sermons, Blue
Q H Swordbloke 3-4 L Smith; Blue; Shanty (1), Brown; Jones N, Jones R; Acosta, Marshall, Napoléon, Wickett, Turk (1) Sól, Sermons, Skewes

Q H Welcomzia 2-3 L Smith; Scrote; Driver, Ortiz (1); Skewes, Jones R; Acosta, Marshall (1), Sermons, Wickett, Chang Wherry, Brown
Q A Royal Kingdom of Quebec 2-3 L Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz (1); Jeruselem, Jones R (1); Acosta, Marshall, Napoléon, Wickett, Turk Jones N
Q H Equestrian States 1-0 W Smith©; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Marshall, Napoléon (1), Wickett, Turk Skewes, Sól, Brown
Q A Corelia 5-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz (1); Jeruselem (1), Jones R; Acosta, Sól (2), Napoléon, Wickett (1), Turk Jones N, Jones W
Q H Amazonesta 1-3 L Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Brown; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon (1), Marshall, Turk Brown, Skewes
Q A Swordbloke 1-0 W Smith©; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Sól (1), Napoléon, Wickett, Turk Jones N

Group 12 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec 12 11 0 1 40 12 +28 33
2 Bonesea 12 6 1 5 27 24 +3 19
3 Amazonesta 12 4 4 4 26 29 −3 16
4 Kingdom of Corelia 12 3 3 6 19 29 −10 12
5 Equestrian States 12 2 4 6 17 19 −2 10
6 Welcomzia 12 1 2 9 15 34 −19 5
7 The Sword Bloke 12 6 4 2 25 22 +3 0*
*Points reset to 0 for ceasing.

Stage Venue Opponent Score R Line-Up Subs
Q-PO H Gregoryisgodistan 1-0 W Smith©; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz (1); Jeruselem, Turk; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon, Wickett, Chang Brown
Q-PO A Gregoryisgodistan 2-1 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty, Ortiz; Jeruselem, Jones R; Acosta, Sól, Napoléon, Wickett, Turk (2) Chang, Sermons, Blue

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 1
Welcomzia 1-1 Bonesea
@ Somewhere in the city of Cornamona, Welcomzia. Still not precisely sure where.
Goals: Thomas ('15) / Wickett ('61)

Despite the much-vaunted change in formation to a seven-striker mass-attack tactic, here was a game much short on goalmouth action as the home nation demonstrated to the rest of the world - and coach Pythagoras Jones - how to contain a fairly inexperienced and thoroughly top-heavy Purple Bruise. If they had had more about them as a counter-attacking team, you would have felt this game was the home side's game to win. But if the Argånger 127 formation does anything, it defends supremely high up the field, and the Welcs found it nigh impossible to release their strikers into the vast open space behind the last (read: only) defender. Pythagoras will stick to his high-risk attacking venture, we are sure, but this game illustrates just how we probably need to reign in expectations of 5-5 draws and 6-7 glorious-defeats, and remember that we are slated to finish bottom of this group. Perhaps, after all, a point away from home is not a bad result after all.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 2
Bonesea 1-2 RK Quebec
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,308
Goals: Jeruselem ('90+3) / Le Québéc ('4) Un Autre Québécois ('21)

With results going pretty much as expected across Matchday 2 including at the Boldpark in Spittalsea, the big question that will be asked in pubs and bars tonight is where were the two missing spectators, as the new stadium fell a brace short of capacity for it's first senior match. Were they put off by the 0-5 thrashing in the previous opening ceremony match against the Guyabualenseisensenesesishites, and unwilling to watch another mauling? Don't be surprised to see the question come up in the National Daily Issue this week, as everything else about the game was pretty much to script: eager new wannabees from upstart nation no match for stylish masters playing really at half-pace; early dominance of RKQ results in a clear lead inside the first quarter of the game from which the Purple Bruise can have no hope of recovery; the Grim Reapers sit in for the win, causing many rounds of Krytenian Wave in stands by bored onlookers; former Quebeçois showgirl/pimpdaddy with tragic backstory grabs late late consolation and celebrates in a lewd manner for which s/he earns yellow card; Bonesea still searching for first win since BoF semi-final.

But that doesn't tell the full story. In truth the Bonesfolk gave a good account of themselves against the World Number Six, and Pythagoras Jones' Argånger 127 formation, far from a kamikaze divebomb failure, proved to cause all manner of difficulties for the Quebeçois defence, making it very difficult to break out behind the front seven. In a game of who-will-blink-first, the Purple Bruise proved something of a solid contender, once they were into the game: the first twenty minutes were chaos and could have put the game over the horizon for the Reapers, but for the acrobatics of Bruise keeper Zipper Smith. Rumour has it the RKQ squad were seen out the night before in town and may have been trying the local 'spices'; certainly they very soon ran out of energy in the chilly surrounds of Spittalsea. If you scratch off the time it took Pythagoras to organise his one-man defence (BE Lawson might struggle to get another game after this early showing) you could argue Bonesea were good for a share of the points. But the real difference in class was that extra edge the Reapers had to make sure Jeruselem's goal was nothing more than a muffled cry in the dark. Surely though, on the back of this fair perfomance, there is a win in the Bruise yet this cycle?

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 3
Equestrian States 2-3 Bonesea
@ A ponyshack, Equestria.

Goals: Anonymous Pony ('43) Unnamed Donkey ('45+1) / Wickett ('22) Brown ('34) Napoléon ('42)

It was an unlikely location for the Purple Bruise' first historic World Cup win, coming as it did against a far superior and far more experienced nation, and one which had the natural psychological advantage of being the one thing the average Bonesman can't abide - horses. There was a lot of talk of bottling this otherwise potentially winnable fixture: EQS are definitely going through an indifferent spell but all the speculation was on whether or not the Bruise would lose their nerve against their four-legged counterparts. They didn't - and for a moment there, it looked like it might turn into a mauling. When Napoléon hit Bonesea's third three minutes before the break, the Argånger 127 formation really looked like it was going to pay out a serious dividend. But two quick replies from the ponies had Bonesea on the ropes and with a bloodied nose. The half time whistle just about saved them from blowing a serious lead. Regrouping for the second half, the Bonesmen pressed supremely high again, showing a surprising amount of confidence against a better team - on pixelpaper at least - and against the curséd horsey types. No more goals were forthcoming after a thrilling first half, but with the job done, coach Pythagoras Jones will come home for the next fixture hoping to build on this impressive victory.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 4
Bonesea 3-2 Corelia
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea; attendance 15,308

Goals: Jones R ('34) Wickett ('44) Chang ('76) / Månsson ('18) Borg ('63)

The Purple Bruise overcame another challenge in their debut World Cup campaign to register a first win on home soil, but concerns grow for the missing couple who again failed to turn up and fill the stadium to capacity. So far outgoing Cartographer General, Donna Maw, has declined to instigate a parliamentary enquiry, but unofficially the gossip-mongers at the House of Bones - the centre of parliament - suggest Maw is putting pressure on the local constabulary to start asking pertinent questions. She is believed to be feeling the pressure herself from the island's media and will not want to end her ten-year dictatorship with a dent to the national pride.

Meanwhile on the field of play, Reskadinnick Jones cemented his place at outside right with another swashbuckling display that brought his second international goal as reward, while Wickett hit his tenth in a tough encounter. Barquio Sól, playing for his place in the squad, hit another blank while Des Jeruselem the voluptuous winger with the perfect nails hit both posts and the crossbar in the second half as Bonesea piled on the pressure and hit top gear. Chang hit both a magnificent winner and the deck, going down under a pile of celebratory bodies to dislocate his shoulder blade. Pythagoras Jones hit Chang with a volley of abuse as he was forcefully substituted, obviously unhappy with his excessive celebrations, and many Bonesfolk hit the town after the game to celebrate the rising good fortune of the Purple Bruise.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 5
Amazonesta 2-4 Bonesea
@ Estadio Nacional Amazonesta

Goals: Boaventura ('45, '88) / Wickett ('12, '62) Napoléon ('17) Turk ('55)

The Purple Bruise stunned Amazonesta - and themselves to some extent - as the bandwagon gathered pace for a potential surprise play-off finish. A third consecutive World Cup win was earned - or taken - in brutal fashion as Bonesea rolled their skilful opponents off the game with a few moves from the greasy churn playbook - ie. wrestling them out of the contest. Young Tew Turk scored on his debut to cap a remarkable rise to the top table of Bonesea association football, and earned a booking when he proved he was prepared to mix it with the worst of them. Indeed six players took yellow cards sparking memories of the early BoF games where the Bruise struggled to distinguish between the international standard of gentlemanly conduct and the more local code of smash, bash and crash. All that means one-game suspensions for defender KP Scrote and Des Jeruselem next time out, with Chilli-Bean Acosta and Marouaine Shanty one card away from a ban as well.

If the Bonesfolk have surprised themselves with their current standing in the group, they also stunned the Amazonestos who knew by rights the game ought to have been theirs, on paper. And while they have been nothing but gracious in the local media, reflecting on how they were soundly bullied out of the match, there have been private rumblings of discontent with star man Federico Paiz suggesting the small island team played with a small island mentality, and was critical that the Purple Bruise 'did not try to do anything' - which might be debatable - and 'cannot win this competition' - which certainly isn't. Asked to respond, Bonesea vice captain Scrote cheekily suggested that Paiz was 'a sore loser' referring, no doubt, to the forearm-shaped bruise across his chest placed there by Tew Turk, who was lucky not to see red for the incident. The return fixture is shaping up to be something of a grudge match and the 'Nestos will need to spend a bit of time in the gym - the boxing gym, that is - if they are going to return the compliment at the Boldpark.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 7
Bonesea 3-4 Sword Blokes
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,308

Goals: Shanty ('46) Turk ('51) Bloke OG ('80) / Blokes ('34, '43, '68, '78)

The mystery grows on the absence of two Bonesfolk from the ground and a worldwide hunt via the Narrative Committee is surely not far away - the Boldpark remains two blood vessels short of a full bruise and its becoming something of a national obsession. Meanwhile, on the field of play, Bonesea's good run of form came to a sticky conclusion on the sharp end of some sword-wielding swordy blokes who, without even appearing to try, rolled over the Purple Bruise with ruthless efficiency, although a there was a short period of hope right at the start of the second half when the Bonesmen clawed their way back into the game. Previously the blokes had dominated the first half, going in two up and looking more than comfortable. Shanty and then young Turk with his second in two games pulled the Bruise level after a lightning start to the second half, but it was no more than a flash in the pan as the swords reasserted their earlier dominance to move into a 4-2 lead, looking like the first team to figure out how to get in behind the front seven. A late own goal flattered the home side who were well beaten, but after the midway break, they will have another chance to push for an unlikely play-off spot, giving the Narrative Committee a headache with two unscheduled games to plan for. But it would be a nice problem to have, and there is plenty of ball and wrestle to be done before that happens.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 8
Bonesea 2-3 Welcomzia
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea; attendance 15,308
Goals: Ortiz ('33) Marshall ('69) / Smith ('27) Fofana ('28, '77)

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 9
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 3-2 Bonesea
@ ‪The Samseongoloondongjang‬, Montreal
Goals: Kontiola ('19) Mvouba ('83) Gelinas (90+1) / Jones R. ('4) Ortiz ('21)

Things appear to have turned a little sour for the over-achieving Purple Bruise, as one disappointing defeat to the Swordy fellas has turned into three, including a very poor home defeat to the bottom-feeding Welks where, again, the Missing Two failed to turn up to fill the stadium. Pythagoras Jones, perhaps taking a victory for granted, rested a couple of key players in Des Jeruselem and Marouaine Shanty, and the whole team paid a heavy price for complacency. None more so than Billy Sermons, who in a rare appearance in what will surely be his last campaign before returning to sea, managed to get himself sent off in the first quarter of the game and leave the Bruise with everything to do. Chang's second yellow midway through the second half sealed the defeat but take nothing away from Welcomzia... they did turn up, after all. And that, as it happens, was enough to win the points.

Things were far improved in Montreal where injury-time heartbreak lost the game against the world number six despite twice leading and really showing some genuine promise for the future. Keep playing like this, and the results will sort themselves out. While this one was precisely the same scoreline as the previous game, the performance was a million miles away from it in the right direction. Reskadinnick Jones, who probably hasn't had nearly the coverage and praise he deserves in this campaign - largely because his opposite outside forward Des Jeruselem is such a flamboyant character - stunned the Grim Reapers with an early goal and from there it was largely an uphill battle for the home side. Undeterred by Kontiola's equaliser, the Purple Bruise maintained momentum and Skua Ortiz scored for the second game in a row to restore the lead two minutes later. Bonesea continued to pressure for the east of the half, incredibly going in ahead at the break. The second half was all about defence as the centre- and half-back combination of KP Scrote, Marouaine Shanty and Skua Ortiz was like a well-oiled defensive machine, frustrating the Reapers and going dangerously close to a stunning result in Montreal. In the end quality won out, Mvouba with a late equaliser cueing up a frantic all-hands defensive wall from the Bruise, but they could not hang on as Gelinas headed home the winner from a corner. It was hard on the underdogs who will feel they should at least have come away with a point. But if they didn't win any, they have at least made one: these boys cam play. Sometimes.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 10
Bonesea 1-0 Equestrian States
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,308

Goals: Napoléon ('90)
Key Stats: Possession 34:66 / Shots 7-12 / On Target 4-3 / Corners 3-4 / Yellows 0-4 / Reds 0-0

Bonesea just about kept on the coat-tails of the play-off chasers as Napoléon kept hopes alive, even with the disappointing news coming through that the Swordsmen had posted an unexpected win over Royal Kingdom of Quebec to really push the Purple Bruise out of the running. For much of the game it looked like they weren't running anyway, with the hoofers holding the pony's share of possession, and creating the most chances. But depsite their revulsion of the little hairy footballing equinistas, the Bonesmen stuck at it and just when all hope seemed lost, the young drifter from Quebec drifted in from the left to escape his maney marker and finish off a neat move started all the way back in the Boney box where KP Scrote played calmly out of defence, Shanty took up the attack, Wickett laid off unselfishly to Napoléon, and the little warrior hit an unstoppable stunner to ruin the horses' day. Conchobar Wickett's assist is all the more remarkable for having failed to find the net himself now in four games, his worst streak since hanging up his matelot clogs for football boots. But he is still leading the forward seven with supreme confidence and skill, so there is no need to panic yet.

Once more the main headline of the night is the two missing persons from the attendance register, and rumour has it the Spit Rattle is now running a man- woman- and/or person of indeterminate gender-hunt to discover just what the shinbones has happened to them. Expect a Narrative Committee-sanctioned update on rest day, shortly after NC-sanctioned gentle host-ribbing on match day eleven.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 11
Kingdom of Corelia 2-5 Bonesea (H/T: 0-2)
@ The National Stadium, Lindolands

Goals: Benamor ('49) Månsson ('61) / Sól ('16, '52) Jeruselem ('24) Ortiz ('53) Wickett ('82)
Key Stats: Possession 47:52 / Shots 16-26 / On Target 4-10 / Corners 7-7 / Yellows 0-4 / Reds 0-0
Booked: Smith; Jones R; Ortiz; Wickett

Bonesea posted a record high scoring game and hit five goals for the first time in their short international history but will rue the loss of in-form Skua Ortiz and main striker Conchobar Wickett who are suspended after three yellows in qualifying. That's a blow for Wickett in particular who loses his joint status as ever-present for the Purple Bruise since international football started a Chilli-Bean Acosta becomes the last man standing in that arena. Ortiz makes it three goals in four games, remarkable for a halfback with seven forwards ahead of him, while Barquio Sól becomes only the second man act Wickett to hit two in a game. The hunt is now on for the first national hatrick. Bonesea remain strong in third place but will need two victories from their final two games, and rely on the swordy blokes dropping points, to claim a remarkable play-off place.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 12
Bonesea 1-3 Amazonesta (H/T: 0-0)
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,308

Goals: Napoléon ('66) / Leitāo ('48) Falcone ('85) B. Rodrigues (90+2)
Key Stats: Possession 41:59 / Shots 4-15 / On Target 1-6 / Corners 5-8 / Yellows 2-1 / Reds 0-0
Booked: Scrote, Jeruselem / Braga

Bonesea's remarkable chase for a play-off place burned out with a whimper in another disappointing home fixture, the fourth defeat on home turf in this tournament. Hopes were high after a convincing win on the road to the Nestos in the first half of qualifying and the big goal-haul in the last game out in Corelia, but the Purple Bruise missed the presence of centre-forward Conchobar Wickett, who had been ever-present for the national side and missed his first game through suspension; many believe forlornly that they really miss the two missing people who again missed the match, failing to show up to fill the ground. In a preposterous reductionist argument the hunt for the missing two has taken on an extraordinary scapegoating flavour, as if the poor pass completion rate of the half-back two, the profligacy in front of goal of the forward seven, and KP Scrote's apparent Blotwine-induced torpor (according to reliable sources) weren't reason enough for a wholesale capitulation against the team chasing the Bruise down for a respectable third-placed finish.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Matchday 14
Swords 0-1 Bonesea (H/T: 0-2)
@ The Shop Owner's Stadium, Swordea

Goals: Sól ('51)
Key Stats: Possession 47:52 / Shots 5-15 / On Target 3-7 / Corners 8-6 / Yellows 2-3 / Reds 0-0
Booked: Jones R; Shanty; Jeruselem

In what was something of a dead rubber, with the Swordeans having already qualified and Bonesea assured of third place, Barquio Sól continued his personal revival - pun coming, please see below - to hit the winner as the Purple Bruise went looking for the additional KPB a win would give them, and as has often been the case in this campaign, looked more comfortable away from The Boldpark. The game was played out against the backdrop of a largely empty stadium as fans stayed away in their millions, occupied apparently with a looming apocalypse and the death of The Shop Owner, their revered and eccentric leader. Bonesea completed an impressive first campaign with an unexpected winning qualification cycle, and will look to revert to expectation by losing three straight in the Cup of Harmony, should they get the invite.

World Cup 75 Qualifying, Play-off First Leg
Bonesea 1-0 GGGGGGS (H/T: 1-0)
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Ortiz ('35)
Key Stats: Possession 37:63 / Shots 10-11 / On Target 4-10 / Corners 5-3 / Yellows 3-2 / Reds 0-0
Booked: Turk, Acosta, Brown (sub) / Prune Farmer 913881, History Teacher CZDE9745

In a quite remarkable turn of events, Bonesea are just one half decent game away from winning the ultimate prize of an exclusive Krytenian-made polo shirt, following the Purple Bruise' astonishing victory over the Foot Slaves of Greggsthebakersoneveryhighstreet. They might also go to the World Cup. The biggest cheer of the night was reserved for Mr. & Mrs. Scapegoat of Liarby, who finally turned up for a match at The Boldpark, filling the stadium for the first time and creating a new attendance record for the national team. That also seemed to change the fortune of the Bruise, who despite being under the cosh from the soon-to-be-confirmed world number 20 for most of the game, proved that the Argånger 127 formation could effectively be used as a counter-attacking strategy, Skua Ortiz hitting the all-important winner from behind the front seven just after the half hour mark. He's become quite adept in that role, this his fourth goal of qualifying which is quite remarkable given he's on defensive duty with seven forwards in front of him most of the time. It seems impossible to imagine victory could be secured in Greggsthebakersoneveryhighstreetnexttothekwikitan but with the Purple Bruise usually good for at least a goal in away games, and only once having lost by more than a single goal in qualifying, the Bonesfolk can dare to dream that an away goals knockout could be on the cards. One purple polo, coming right up. Perhaps. Probably not though.
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:27 am, edited 9 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} World Cup '75 Finals

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 28, 2016 6:07 am


Audioslavia & Krytenia: AK75
Occurring in the Bonesea year SB-574

Defying the odds to reach the finals, with a large slice of luck along the way, was half the story. Drawn into an impossible group with three big hitters, including legends Vilita and the world number 2-rated San Jose Guayabal - who had beaten the Purple Bruise 9-1 on aggregate over two friendly games before the start of World Cup qualifying. What followed was not a three-phase panning as everyone expected, but yet another shock qualification out of the group with two wins over the giants and a draw against the less appreciated but, at the time, perhaps better equipped Electrum. A round of 16 defeat against Cosumar followed, but Bonesea's remarkable performance has statisticians and historians scrambling to recall the last time a bunch of amateur debutants had done so well in the World Cup.

MVP: Conchobar Wickett
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett & Des Jeruselem; 3 in 4 games each
Record: P4 W2 D1 L1 F9 A10
Final Rank: 31 (up 51 from 82; 113-place rise in the cycle)

Stage	Venue	Opponent		Score	R	Line-Up														Subs

G N-OSR San Jose Guayabal 3-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty; Ortiz; Jeruselem (1); Jones R; Acosta; Sól; Napoléon (1); Wickett (1); Turk Legge; Jones I; Gyr
G N-OSR Electrum 2-2 D Smith; Scrote; Shanty; Ortiz; Jeruselem (2); Jones R; Acosta; Sól; Napoléon; Wickett; Turk Parr; Gyr
G N-OSR Vilita 3-2 W Smith; Scrote; Shanty; Ortiz; Jeruselem; Jones R; Acosta; Jones I; Napoléon (1); Wickett (1); Turk (1) Parr; Legge; Gyr

Group G Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bonesea 3 2 1 0 8 6 +2 7
2 Electrum 3 1 1 1 3 4 −1 4
3 Vilita 3 1 0 2 7 7 0 3
4 San Jose Guayabal 3 1 0 2 7 8 −1 3

R-16 N-AUD Cosumar 1-3 L Smith; Scrote; Shanty; Ortiz; Jeruselem; Jones R; Acosta; Jones I; Napoléon; Wickett (1); Turk Gyr; Legge (og); Sól

World Cup 75 Pre-Finals Friendlies
Qasden 3-3 Bonesea
@ Royal TV Stadium, TV City, Qasden

Bonesea goals: Napoléon ('27) Gyr ('35, '58)

Bonesea 0-3 Saintland
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea, attendance 15,310

Hasznia 2-2 Bonesea
@ Maritime Stadium, Sterling, Hasznia

Bonesea goals: Peterman ('10) Gyr ('24)

The Purple Bruise continued their dubious friendlies track record by extending their winless run to six games, although the improvement from a 0-17 thrashing to two away draws will be appreciated by statisticians and supporters alike. Sandwiched between those two lively score-draws was a humbling by world footballing power Saintland, although even that was a notable improvement on comparable ties against San Jose Guayabal at the start of qualifying. Coach Jones fielded a strong team for that middle fixture while experimenting with potential new squad candidates in the other two games, and in PM Gyr has found himself a very able candidate to succeed Des Jeruselem who likely will step down from international football at the end of this tournament to concentrate on his personal services business. Scoring three times in his first two games, he becomes the first Bonesea player to score twice on his international debut.

World Cup 75 Group G Match 1
San Jose Guayabal 2-3 Bonesea HT: 0-1
@ Mount Crown, Burningham, Osarius

Goals: Núñez ('60) Dos Santos ('88) / Jeruselem ('32) Napoléon ('49) Wickett ('71)
Key Stats: Possession: 63/37 Shots: 14-8 On target: 7-5 Fouls: 18-24 Yellow cards: 2-4 Reds: 0
Booked: Zelaya, Fraser / Scrote, Shanty, Ortiz, Wickett

Bonesea pulled off surely one of the greatest shocks in World Cup finals history in the early hours of this morning (Boreal Standard Time), coming to the finals as an unexpected outsider who failed to qualify but for a Blexit bye into the play-offs, and overcoming the last runners-up and world number 2, San Jose Guayabal. The Purple Bruise won a famous victory with a stunning display of counter-attacking football and the frankly ridiculous Argånger formation which the Guayabalanenseianiteseisieans somehow could not get to grips with at all, despite twice soundly thrashing more or less the same team in friendlies before qualifying. The nation will have woken up with acute hangovers this morning and many are probably still wondering if they consumed too much hallucinogenic Rue and imagined the whole thing. Well, I'm here to say no. By the Old Man's broken metatarsal, shinbones got real last night, and Bonesea have their first finals win about twenty-one years ahead of schedule. Eccentric Vilitan journalist and poster boy Sokiti Amakra called it right, predicting a Bonesea win whilst surely drunk on tropical cocktails, while all the powers of Guayakkabali multiyotta artificial intelligence and the Foot Algae Rhythm Mk.II thingummy couldn't see this one coming. Which is fair enough - neither did we.

World Cup 75 Finals, Group G Match 2
Electrum 2-2 Bonesea H/T 1-1
@ The Cauldron, Firewood, Osarius.

Goals: McGann ('26) Fielding ('86) / Jeruselem ('29, '59)

Key stats: Possession 41/59; Shots 12-9, on target 6-7; Corners 9-2; Fouls 24-19, yellow cards 1-1, reds 0.
Booked: Moore (sub) / Napoléon

The Purple Bruise took another remarkable point in the second game of the World Cup Finals, following up on a stunning victory over the world's second best team and refusing to allow their bubble to be burst by the world's 22nd best team, even looking like they might steal another win to qualify for the next round. A late Fielding equaliser denied them that shock and has left the boys with it all to do in the final group game against the world's 8th best team, but this is not a night for worry or disillusion, this is a night to celebrate that the world's recently-crowned 82nd best team continues to hold its own in the company of preposterously more able opponents. Unusually the Bonesmen were allowed the lion share of possession in the game, which rather cleverly cancelled out their counter-attack approach, with the Electrumites proving their defensive mettle to now really allow a great deal of penetration for much of the game. Voluptuous winger and national diva Des Jeruselem proved the difference for what would otherwise been a frustrated Bruise performance, hitting both goals and at one point seeming to place them into the knockout stages. Having finally earned a lead on the hour mark, Bonesea were finally subjected to an attacking barrage in the closing stages and sadly could not see the game out. Nevertheless the Purple Bruise can honestly say they have earned their complimentary JMC polo shirts in this tournament, and will hope to prolong the adventure with a positive result in their final game.

World Cup 75 Finals, Group G Match 3
Vilita 2-3 Bonesea H/T 1-1
@ The Cauldron, Firewood, Osarius.

Goals: Ylimaiima ('39) Eskiiy ('84) / Turk ('5) Napoléon ('74) Wickett ('78)

Key stats: Possession 63-37; Shots 13-16 , on target 7-8; Corners 7-6; Fouls 15-23, yellow cards 1-3, reds 0.
Booked: Chamya / Smith, Jeruselem, Jones I

Just... like... how the...?

Slow motion replays of the end of this game, with the heroic Bonesea players celebrating wildly with the bench and the seven or eight (OK, five) travelling supporters after a famous victory assured qualification to the knock-out rounds of the World Cup, show how, despite apparent appearances of joy unbridled, in fact the Bonesmen seemed overcome with an hysteria of shock and awe and even outright fear. Was this some kind of trick? Had they drifted into an alternate dimension? What was going to happen next, and how much was it going to hurt? A close-up of his eyes revealed that Conchobar Wickett looked for all the world like he'd run over the neighbours beloved cat and was working out what he was going to tell them. The Purple Bruise had turned up, only half-invited, to a World Cup and had blagged their way into the VIP lounge after mugging another of it's A-listers. Any minute now, surely, the reality police would turn up with a big fat check and send them all to hell.

World Cup 75 Finals, Second Round
Bonesea 1-3 Cosumar H/T 1-0
@ Hygolje Arena, Oljestaden, Audioslavia.

Goals: Wickett ('42) / Sigler ('55) Engström ('76) Legge (OG, '89)

Key stats: Possession 42/58; Shots 7-12, on target 2-8; Corners 1-2; Fouls 30-22, yellow cards 5-1, reds 0.
Booked: Acosta, Jeruselem, Ortiz, Scrote, Jones I / Soarhaven

Bonesea's unlikely and at times unbelievably fortunate run to the knockout stages of the World Cup came to a crashing end on Audioslav soil as the Purple Bruise came up against a well-drilled and well-oiled machine, the Cosumarites refusing to succumb to the pressure of a potential banana skin, unlike some of their associates up in the heady heights of the top twenty ranks. Where the Guayabalanenseianiteseisieans and the Jingle Jangle Cats roundly slipped on the comedy prop of domestic accident health and safety advisory films, and bruised their reputations against such a shoddy bunch of amateurs punching - sometimes literally - well above their weight, The Vanquishers of Cosumar did their homework and vanquished; the Azure Dragons azured the shinbones out of their inferior opponents and reminded the world that every nation has it's place, with Bonesea's about three hundred rungs below the Royal Blues.

Not that it was all one way traffic and the Dragons had the fright of their lives when late in the first half Conchobar Wickett headed up a rare and pacey counter-attack just before the break to slot home a neat finish and put the Bruise ahead at half time. Unlike other illustrious opponents who have caved in under the weight of expectation and a seven-man forward line, Cosumar rolled up their sleeves and dominated the second half completely, getting themselves back on level terms within ten minutes of the restart and pressing constantly for the lead. It came fully deserved but quite late in the day from captain Engström, breaking Bonesea hearts as the Bruise boys knew it was beyond them to pull it back. Poor old sub Ike Legge became the first Bonesea player to score an own goal against his country, approaching full time and in a last ditch tackle to save a certain goal, and that was the end of World Cup 75 for the sailors and chefs and postmen of Bonesea, to the great disappointment of the five travelling supporters who have followed the Bruise from pillar to post and seen some truly remarkable results on the way. As the Old Man would say, whatever next?
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:27 am, edited 14 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Bonesligg Season-574

Postby Bonesea » Thu Jul 28, 2016 8:39 am


BONESLIGG Season 49 / SB-574

Viking Tananger, managed by national team assistant gaffer Professor Kett win their all-time third title and first in twelve seasons, undoubtedly bolstered by the signature of former sailor and chef, the influential Tamarindian inside right Chilli-Bean Acosta. Mighty Florence Boldclub have a season to forget, incomprehensibly finishing bottom of the division for the first time in their history, while Washaway FC, just out in the suburbs beyond the capital, post their first ever Bonesligg-2 title win and will hope to make it the one of three in a row required for promotion. One-time champions Kickers FF Sand drop to the third tier, and are the first former national title-holders to play at this level.

.  Bonesligg-One           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 

1 Viking Tananger 36 19 9 8 79 64 +15 66
2 Athletic Spit 36 18 9 9 93 76 +17 63
3 Spittalmarine 36 16 10 10 83 70 +13 58
4 1.FC Tocklehove 36 17 7 12 76 68 +8 58
5 Moss FC 36 13 9 14 81 75 +6 48
6 Gymasia Scold 36 13 8 15 76 84 −8 47
7 SS Skiveness 36 12 9 15 73 89 −16 45
8 Start-93 36 10 10 16 74 81 −7 40
9 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 11 7 18 70 81 −11 40
10 Florence Boldclub 36 6 12 18 71 88 −17 30

Bonesligg-Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts

1 Washaway FC 36 18 9 9 84 70 +14 631/3
2 Whelm Town Welfare 36 16 10 10 84 77 +7 58
3 Grasshopper Club 36 17 5 14 93 76 +17 56
4 Skelling Club 36 16 7 13 88 79 +9 55
5 Gullravens FC 36 15 5 16 87 85 +2 50
6 Fishers Grimsea 36 13 10 13 72 79 −7 49
7 Hearts AFC 36 12 9 15 64 73 −9 45
8 Torpedo Spitney 36 12 7 17 87 97 −10 43
9 17.FF Tolling 36 11 9 16 67 77 −10 42
10 Kickers FF Sand 36 8 13 15 77 90 −13 37Relegated

Bonesligg-Three Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts

1 Turbine Moss FF 36 18 5 13 80 76 +4 59Promoted
2 Armada Club 36 14 11 11 92 89 +3 53
3 Celtic Club Skein 36 15 6 15 84 77 +7 51
4 Academic Spit 36 12 14 10 67 64 +3 50
5 Blue Boys FF 36 14 8 14 82 80 +2 50
6 Rapid FF Kells 36 13 10 13 64 63 +1 49
7 Spartans FF Liarby 36 13 10 13 77 79 −2 49
8 Banners FC Skiveness 36 13 9 14 72 74 −2 48
9 Tundra Axle FC 36 13 7 16 71 76 −5 46
10 1.FC Boe 36 13 4 19 80 91 −11 43Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts

1 Crows Club 36 18 6 12 89 72 +17 60Promoted
2 Guillemots 36 15 8 13 78 72 +6 53
3 SS Industriell 36 14 11 11 80 78 +2 53
4 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 15 5 16 83 81 +2 50
5 Irsha-57 SK 36 14 7 15 83 86 −3 49
6 St. Leah Gaels 36 14 7 15 80 88 −8 49
7 Stockett Brigade 36 12 11 13 80 79 +1 47
8 East Spit Casuals FC 36 13 8 15 83 92 −9 47
9 Oysterhaven FF 36 13 7 16 73 80 −7 46
10 Combine FF Pikefells 36 10 14 12 81 82 −1 44Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts

1 Blackskull Club 36 16 10 10 90 81 +9 58Promoted
2 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 14 13 9 87 77 +10 55
3 Turbine FF-B 36 15 9 12 69 67 +2 54
4 Viking-B 36 14 11 11 80 79 +1 53
5 Bannerclub Clun 36 13 13 10 83 76 +7 52
6 Otters Club 36 15 7 14 82 75 +7 52
7 Moss FC-B 36 12 10 14 70 80 −10 46
8 Athletic Spit-B 36 10 11 15 75 85 −10 41
9 SS Skiveness-B 36 8 16 12 76 80 −4 40
10 Spittalmarine-B 36 11 4 21 67 79 −12 37



.			Kop-1		

Skullion FF 10-0 Athletic-B
Hearts AFC 5-2 Turbine Moss FF
Union Skive 1-8 Tundra Axle FC
Moss-B 3-1 Olympic Gallowsea
Kickers FF Sand 3-3 Rapid FF Kells (4-4 AET, 1-3 PKs)
Combine FF Pikefells 0-6 Stockett Brigade
Gymnasia Scold 4-3 Celts Club
Bannerclub Clun 1-6 Viking Spit SK
Combine Tamness-Nordby 2-4 FC Berserkr
Whelm Town Welfare 2-2 Skiveness-B (2-2 AET, 3-1 PKs)
1.FC Bøe 3-0 Crows Club
Spartans FF Liarby 0-5 Skelling Club
Bannerclub Spit 5-5 FC Harbourwights (6-6 AET, 0-2 PKs)
Blue Boys FF 5-4 Penchant & District
Irsha-57 SK 3-0 Boldclub-B
SS Skiveness 3-1 1.FC Tocklehove
Celtic Club Skein 6-1 St. Leah Gaels
Washaway FC 3-1 Banners FC Skiveness
Viking-B 0-0 Spittalmarine-B (1-0 AET)
Oysterhaven FF 2-5 Viking Tananger
East Spit Casuals FC 6-0 SS Spittalsea
17.FF Tolling 1-1 Spittal County (4-2 AET)
Guillemots 0-7 Florence Boldclub
Turbine FF Gallowsea 2-0 Herring Club
Spittalmarine 4-1 Blackskull Club
Gullravens FC 0-1 Torpedo Spitney
Turbine-B 1-2 Grasshopper Club
Rangers Tocklehove FF 5-2 SS Industriell
Start-93 1-0 Fishers Grimsea
SCB-Alliance 1-3 Otters Club
Academic Spit 0-5 Moss FC
Athletic Spit 4-0 Armada Club


Skullion FF 1-4 Hearts AFC
Tundra Axle FC 1-1 Moss-B (1-1 AET, 2-3 PKs)
Rapid FF Kells 9-5 Stockett Brigade
Gymnasia Scold 4-2 Viking Spit SK
FC Berserkr 1-6 Whelm Town Welfare
1.FC Bøe 3-8 Skelling Club
FC Harbourwights 3-6 Blue Boys FF
Irsha-57 SK 1-5 SS Skiveness
Celtic Club Skein 2-2 Washaway FC (2-2 AET, 2-1 PKs)
Viking-B 0-1 Viking Tananger
East Spit Casuals FC 0-3 17.FF Tolling
Florence Boldclub 0-1 Turbine FF Gallowsea
Spittalmarine 8-0 Torpedo Spitney
Grasshopper Club 5-4 Rangers Tocklehove FF
Start-93 3-0 Otters Club
Moss FC 7-2 Athletic Spit


Hearts AFC 4-0 Moss-B
Rapid FF Kells 0-1 Gymnasia Scold
Whelm Town Welfare 1-3 Skelling Club
Blue Boys FF 0-3 SS Skiveness
Celtic Club Skein 1-4 Viking Tananger
17.FF Tolling 0-8 Turbine FF Gallowsea
Spittalmarine 2-1 Grasshopper Club
Start-93 3-1 Moss FC


Hearts AFC 3-1 Gymnasia Scold
Skelling Club 2-2 SS Skiveness (2-3 AET)
Viking Tananger 1-1 Turbine FF Gallowsea (1-1 AET, 3-4 PKs)
Spittalmarine 3-0 Start-93


Hearts AFC 2-3 SS Skiveness
Turbine FF Gallowsea 1-2 Spittalmarine

Kop Final

SS Skiveness 4-3 Spittalmarine
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:53 am, edited 9 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Eagles Cup 6

Postby Bonesea » Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:55 am


Eagles Cup
In the Bonesea years SB-574-5

The first surprise of the morning after a glorious run to the World Cup knockout runs was an invitation delivered to the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn in Spittalsea, from the arcane and secretive Eagles Club; with the offer of a place in the sixth instalment of the competition that went back so far, the island of Bonesea hadn't even been accidentally discovered by hapless navigator Captain Amble. To the infuriation of the members of the Narrative Committee, the chaps at the Fellowship were honour-bound to accept - who could reasonably refuse? - even though there had been a pre-Baptism of Fire agreement in place between the Fellowship, the Committee, and Government that there would be no involvement in international competitions between World Cups. At the first opportunity, the Fellowship had got all excited and signed up to the invitational. It meant the team went into the competition slightly unprepared, but that was not likely to be a factor, considering they had no preparation whatsoever after sneaking into the World Cup finals - and that hadn't gone so bad.

The draw pitted the Purple Bruise against three giants of the game past and present in Valanora, The Holy Empire, and Zwangzug - with six games to cherish and learn from. As seems to have become a recurring theme, the boys did much better than expected: clearly the Marauders and the Monks, easily two favourites on their day, were taking it easy and concentrating on other things. One assumes the Marauders were thinking about their upcoming AOCAF entry, while the Monks... well who can even guess what they were day-dreaming about? And so it came down to the contest with former isolationist former former football giants and all-round nice folks the Zwangis - who went on to win the competition. Bonesea finished an impressive second in the group, including what may go down as the greatest Bonesea game of all time, a truly lunatic 6-4 win over the lunatics from the Dreamed Realm in foggy conditions. Heading off to the Eagles' Club in Brinemouth, Nephara for a quarterfinal against former double World Cup champions Osarius, the Purple Bruise served up a second classic in a row with a 4-4 draw after extra time; going out on penalties in what even turned out to be a stonker of a shoot out, with nineteen consecutive conversions before Shilling Blue skyed it.

MVP: Conchobar Wickett
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett 8 in 7 games
Record: P7 W2 D4 L1 F21 A19

Stage	Venue	Opponent	Score	R	Line-Up														Subs

Qual A Zwangzug 2-2 D Smith Z; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Gyr; Jones R; Acosta (1); Smith A; Napoléon; Wickett; Turk Jones I; Hocking (1)
Qual A Valanora 2-2 D Smith Z; Blue; Shanty; Brown; Gyr; Jones R; Acosta; Smith A; Napoléon; Wickett (2); Turk Legge; Hocking; Ortiz
Qual A Holy Empire 2-2 D Smith Z; Blue; Shanty; Brown; Gyr (1); Jones R; Acosta; Smith A; Napoléon; Wickett (1); Turk Jones I; Ortiz
Qual H Zwangzug 3-2 W Smith Z; Blue; Shanty; Brown; Gyr (1); Jones R*; Acosta (1); Smith A (1); Napoléon; Wickett; Turk Ortiz; Legge; Chang
Qual H Valanora 2-3 L Smith Z; Legge; Shanty; Brown; Gyr; Chang; Acosta; Jones I (1); Napoléon; Wickett (1); Bilko Ortiz; Quentine-Rook*
Qual H Holy Empire 6-4 W Smith Z; Blue; Parr; Ortiz; Gyr; Chang; Acosta (1); Jones I (1); Hocking; Wickett (2); Turk (2) Driver

-------Group C---- P W D L GF-GA GD Pts
[1] Zwangzug 6 3 1 2 12-11 +1 10
[2] Bonesea 6 2 3 1 17-15 +2 9
3- Valanora 6 2 2 2 12-11 +1 8
4- The Holy Empire 6 1 2 3 12-16 -4 5

QF N-NPH Osarius 4-4p D Smith Z; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Gyr; Jones R; Acosta; Jones I; Napoléon; Wickett (2); Turk (2) Skewes EA

KEY: MoM / Booked / Sent-Off / Card Ban / *Injured

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 1

Zwangzug 2-2 Bonesea H/T 1-1
@ Wayr Stadium, Rackham Range, Zwangzug

Goals: Nelson ('7) Kristinsdottir ('86) / Acosta ('35) Hocking ('76)

Key stats: Possession 60/40; Shots 8-15, on target 5-9; Corners 6-4; Fouls 16-22, yellow cards 3-3, reds 0.
Booked: Wodehouse, Idoni, Shimura (sub) / Shanty, Ortiz, Napoléon

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 2

Valanora 2-2 Bonesea H/T 0-1
@ Hatire Memorial, Island of Capri

Goals: Fresco ('61) Tathtauré ('78) / Wickett ('28, '63)

Key stats: Possession 62/38; Shots 13-8, on target 9-5; Corners 9-2; Fouls 25-16, yellow cards 3-1, reds 0.
Booked: Toraandal, Cularin (sub), Lardireil / Blue

The Purple Bruise face a trio of ancient titans in their first post-World Cup adventures, and after bursting onto the scene like a haemorrhaging blood blister, everyone was wondering if it was all something of a flash in the (sterilised stainless steel hospital) pan. In Bonesea of course, they weren't wondering at all. They knew it was a flash in the pan. Or so they thought: despite losing two key performers in KP Scrote and Des Jeruselem, Bonesea have continued where they left off, rattling the cages of the old order, and generally becoming a nuisance with their seemingly hard-to-manage Argånger formation. First up was a creditable draw in isolationist Zwangzug which could have been a victory. And that was followed by a creditable draw in expansionist Valanora - yes, as far as we are informed, that Valanora, the ones who have been called the mighty Valanora at least twelve times per cycle, the ones who have been called the champions Valanora at the end of five cycles, the ones who take 'veteran' to a whole new level - which almost was a victory.

Both these giants had the fright of their lives, and despite dominating for much of the games, both needed late equalisers to get a point from the upstart amateurs out of the far chilly north. Once again the post men, bus drivers and used car salesmen have performed far above their expected level to take two unlikely points from their first two games away from home. The 2-2 draw with Zwangzug was a surprise - though withdrawn from world football of late, they have a heritage and the checkered genes to compete with anyone on their day. The 2-2 draw with Valanora - twice taking the lead and refusing to fold against sustained pressure - was arguably as great as defeating the world number two SJG in the group stage of the World Cup. It surely secures Bonesea's place in the modern game as the number one banana skin, best avoided.

Laborius Hawk is probably far too polite to accuse the Purple Bruise of playing with a small island mentality, but he'd be right to think it. And why not? It seems to work for them. If qualifying for the World Cup finals was a fluke, and qualifying for the knockout stages a minor miracle, then getting past at least two of these three giants to make the final stages of the Eagles Cup will be proof positive that she who probably shouldn't be named at this early stage of the cycle has taken rather a shine to the grim northmen.

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 3

Holy Empire 2-2 Bonesea H/T 2-0
@ Fogbound Highway in the Dreamed Realm

Goals: McMurk (’15, ‘45+2) / Wickett ('75) Gyr (’82)

Key stats: Possession 56/44; Shots 14-7, on target 7-5; Corners 5-7; Fouls 19-22, yellow cards 1-1, reds 0.
Booked: Smoggio / Brown

The number one banana skin continued to provide slippery conditions for the great and the good, as Bonesea completed a treble of 2-2 draws away from home against illustrious opposition with this fine draw against the asylum inmates of the Holy Empire. On a fogbound field somewhere between here and infinity, or possibly beyond, the dogged Purple Bruise found themselves up against a Fog Thing of Antiquity - possibly The Fog Thing of Antiquity – split into eleven shady characters with names like Foggy McMurk, Murky Fogg, P. Souper, and the rather exotic-sounding Effluviomo. They were a drab bunch of fellows, rather depressing in fact, but they could play some football and had Bonesea under the cosh for most of the game. That is a common experience for the boys in purple – “it’s not real purple!” shouted the opposition coach, in the press conference afterward when pressed on his side’s misty-cal late capitulation – and the Bruise never seem happier than when chasing the game.

They certainly had to chase this one with McMurk – or was it FitzBrumy? – hitting two first half goals to put Bonesea on the back foot going into the break, but as time wore on in the second half the resolve of the sentient visible mass of low-lying cloud water droplets was severely tested by the islanders who know a thing or two about operating in bad weather conditions. Late goals from Wickett and Gyr were fair reward for a strong finish, and Bonesea complete their away cycle undefeated. Although bottom of the group at the halfway stage, they know that if they can make home field advantage work for them, they could cause yet another qualification upset and perhaps even take a tilt at the title – and after all, why not?

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 4

Bonesea 3-2 Zwangzug H/T 2-1
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Gyr (‘2), Smith (‘11), Acosta (‘61) / Tanaka-Whit (‘35) Nimbue (‘83)
Key stats: Possession 55/45; Shots 10-12, on target 3-4; Pass Completion % 84-71, Corners 11-6; Fouls 9-17, yellow cards 1-2, reds 1-0.
Player Ratings: Smith, Z [8.8]; Blue [5.2]; Shanty [5.1] Brown [8.7]; Gyr [7.8] Jones, R [8.6]; Acosta [8.7] Smith, A [6.4] Napoléon [7.4] Wickett [8.8] Turk [7.4]

Booked: Camonoba / Brown; Sent off: Smith, A

The Purple Bruise took a big step toward a place in the Eagles Cup Finals to be held next year in… wait, where are the finals being held? Well, perhaps we are all getting a bit previous here, there is still plenty to do. But a full house saw Bonesea make it four undefeated in the group and spring from last to first in a tight group. The key to the final three home games was always going to be whether the Bruise could get over their home ground blues, and they did so in decent style here, with some good solid passing and a display of attacking football that yielded results right from the off. PM Gyr continues to impress as cover for Des Jeruselem and Austin Smith’s first goal for his nation will be a relief for him, although it may have been short-lived after getting a straight red early in the second half for a wild challenge on Ezekiel Arden-Ria , likely in retaliation for Arden-Ria’s earlier unpunished hit on Napoléon. Reskadinnick Jones picked up an injury and will miss the rest of qualifying, which is another blow for dad Pythagoras, who already has a two-game suspension of Smith to worry about, Turk looking in desperate need of a rest despite another solid performance, and Wång Shanty looking distinctly off his best.

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 5

Bonesea 2-3 Valanora H/T 2-1
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Jones, I (‘8), Wickett (‘45+2) / Fresco (pen; ‘6) Hawk (‘51) Mithlithelen (sub; ’56)
Key stats: Possession 47/53; Shots 10-10, on target 3-4; Pass Completion % 68-80, Corners 7-6; Fouls 5-9, yellow cards 0-1, reds 1-0.
Player Ratings: Smith Z (C) [4.4]; Legge [3.0]; Shanty [3.1], Brown [3.2]; Gyr [4.5], Acosta [5.6] , Napoléon [3.8], Wickett [5.3], Jones I [5.1], Bilko [3.0], Chang [4.9]; subs: Ortiz [4.9], Quentine-Rook [4.7]

Booked: - / Haerear
Sent off: Bilko / -

The curse of The Boldpark struck again as Bonesea once more failed to match their away result with a home one, and despite leading at half time in a match which would have got them through with a win, this one again got away from them as BB Biko became the second player in two games to get his marching orders. But of course this is one of the finest footballing forces in World football we were up against, and to not be thrashed out of sight might be considered a victory in itself. It goes some way to explaining how far the Purple Bruise has come that expectations are so high.

The signs were ominous from the start when, from their first real attack, Valanora forced a penalty which Allandren Fresco easily dispatched. The Bruise got lucky with an almost immediate equaliser, Idless Jones getting his first international goal two minutes after the restart from a seemingly offside position to slot home and raise spirits in the home camp. A tightly contested first half was punctuated by few chances but a disastrous tackle from BB Bilko, which got him sent off with a straight red and a three game ban five minutes before half time. A seemingly game-ending incident was turned on it's head, however, when The Conch hit a spectacular drive in off the bar two minutes into first half stoppage time, stunning everyone including the local support. Perhaps there would be something to be gained from this match after all.

No. In the end the Marauders took control of the game with a reshuffle at half time, bringing on Gonmucaethor Mithlithelen - easy for you to say - and going for a more offensive stance in the second half. Within ten minutes of the second half kick-off Valanora were ahead and there was then only ever going to be one winner. It wasn’t going to be the amateurs from a chilly rock in the North Enness Sea. Captain and legend Laborious Hawk, who by now perhaps should have a cup named after him and would certainly become one of the great football dignitaries if only he would damn well retire, proved why he's not ready to retire yet with a quick equaliser, and the sub Mithlithelen followed up shortly after to put the Marauders back in front. This time they held the lead comfortably to see the game through. Late in the match Anarch Quentine-Rook came on to make his international debut and was tragically stretchered off again eight minutes later with a broken leg, finishing his national contribution for a while. The Purple Bruise held on valiantly to keep the score down but will have to overcome their home blues in the final group stage game, probably needing a win over the Holy Asylum's fog bank to qualify for the finals.

Eagles Cup, Group C Match 6

Bonesea 6-4 Holy Empire H/T 3-2
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Turk ('11, '78) Jones, I (‘32), Wickett (‘36, '90+4) Acosta ('51) / Foggy ('37, '40, '47, '71)
Key stats: Possession 51/49; Shots 13-19, on target 8-7; Pass Completion % 72-70, Corners 9-11; Fouls 12-19, yellow cards 1-7, reds 0-1.
Player Ratings: Smith Z (C) [6.6]; Blue [8.5]; Parr [8.5], Ortiz [8.9]; Gyr [5.9], Acosta [9.2], Hocking [6.8], Wickett [9.1], Jones I [9.6], Turk [9.4], Chang [8.2]; subs: Driver [5.5]

Booked: Gyr / Seven naughty aspects of Fog
Sent off: - / One particularly naughty aspect of Fog

Through! The Purple Bruise can claim (just about) four qualifications from four groups in the last two years, adding the Eagles Cup to World Cup (just) as well as BoF and WC finals group stage qualifications. And in what style!

Indeed, what style was it? The ultimate chaotic abandon. This is the pure form of what Bonesea football is all about: it is unlikely for many years to come that an international game will better define how coach Pythagoras Jones wants to play his football: on the attack, on the attack, on the attack! It meant the back one - Shilling Blue - really had to earn his Spurs and the busiest man on the pitch was Zipper Smith the goalkeeper, who didn't have the best game but when you look at how the Holy Asylum peppered the goal, perhaps he wasn't so bad after all.

With a record aggregate score for a Bonesea national game and the first time the Bruise has hit six, this was a thriller from end to end. After taking a surprise three goal first half lead in an evenly-balanced and manic game, Bonesea conceded two late first half goals to edge a one goal lead at the break, but the fog bank hit back immediately in the second half to win away the advantage. Ever reliable Chilli-Bean Acosta settled the ship with a goal soon after to out the Bruise back in front, and while the Asylum pulled level once more, you could feel the tide change and the fog begin to thin. Tew Turk hit his second with twelve minutes to go and The Conch settled it in injury time - Bonesea finished second in the group to win a trip to Nephara for an Eagles Cup quarter final.

Eagles Cup, Quarterfinal

Osarius 4-4 Bonesea H/T 2-2 (aet; FT 3-3)
@ Eagle’s Club, Brinemouth, Nephara

Goals: Bianchi (‘6) Watson (’37 ‘110) Gentile (’88) / Turk (’29 ’108) Wickett (’55 ’81)
Key stats: Possession 51/49; Shots 12-12, on target 9-8; Pass Completion % 79-77, Corners 12-6; Fouls 13-14, yellow cards 3-0, reds 0-1.
Player Ratings: Smith Z (C) [7.2]; Blue [7.2]; Shanty [6.5], Ortiz [9.0]; Gyr [7.0], Jones R [7.9]; Acosta [6.2], Napoléon [6.1], Wickett [9.3], Jones I [7.2], Turk [8.8]

Booked: - / Bianchi, Zapata, Allen Sent off: Skewes / -

Thinking the last qualifying game against the Holy Empire was a one-off smash hit of a 6-4 victory would have been a mistake as the Bruise once again served up a bonkers mix of goals, goals, goals and suicide defending to thrash out a 4-4 extra time draw with Osarius. There were two tragedies in this game: the first that it had to end at all - only the respective coaches and the Ossie fand would have wanted a break from it; neutral fans and the six travelling Bonesea supporters must have loved the cut and thrust of exhibition football at it’s most insane.

The second tragedy, for Bonesea, was defeat on penalties and Shilling Blue’s personal nightmare of missing the crucial kick. But even the penalty kicks were a thrill a moment, with an extraordinary nineteen consecutive successful conversions before Blue stepped up, visibly reluctant after a fantastic game as the lone defender chasing his tail for 120 minutes, and wilted under the pressure, ballooning the ball over. It was a sad moment for the player and one he’ll want to forget in a hurry as the Purple Bruise head home, having given the locals about two and a quarter hours of preposterous fun in the intervening chaos after first emerging from the tunnel of the Eagle’s Club ground in Brinemouth.
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:54 am, edited 5 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Bonesligg Season-575

Postby Bonesea » Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:17 am


Bonesligg Champions


In the golden anniversary 50th edition of the Bonesligg, it seems fitting that the league’s most successful team should take the honours, with The Mariners winning their 12th title since the inception of the national league. In the end it was their experience that won it, as they demonstrated to nearest title rivals and cross-town neighbours Athletic Spit that it’s consistency over the long haul that will bring in the medals. A poor start and a slow finish killed of the Ancients, while Spittalmarine were strong and steady throughout to claim the title with three games to spare. The Mariners will take up the first ever UICA Champions Cup slot for Bonesea, with the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn (Bonesea’s FA to you and me) deciding that the time is right, what with recent international success and general integration policies from government, for Bonesea clubs to pit their wits and skills against the multiverse.

UICA and the rest of the world notwithstanding, Spittalmarine reminded everyone why they are perennial favourites for titles, as a squad of internationals and talented youngsters led by Bonesea national team goalkeeper and captain Zipper Smith, and The Sailors*’ goal machine Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett saw out the season with defensive solidity and attacking verve - second only to SS Skiveness on the attacking front, and Athletic defensively - to finsih five points clear, and this with their foot distinctly off the pedal when they lost their final two games, perhaps thinking ahead to the forthcoming Skellingkopfinal (to little avail - where they choked again, for a record seventh time).

The Conch was the obvious headline maker for Spittalmarine as Conchobar Wickett hit 23 goals to win the golden boot for the second season running, and he was at times unplayable. He’s formed a strong partnership with Bod Cusey up front, and inside forwards Achille Ybarra and Mark McAlexander, but all three of them are getting on and the next challenge for the Mariners will be bringing through new talent or poaching it from elsewhere. Although players are not especially mobile in Bonesea, since the game is an amateur one, Spittalmarine do have more pull than most and there are plenty of rumours that they have a hit list, top of which is young Start-93 starlet Tuw Turk. The most pressing need will be for an inside left with Achille Ybarra now approaching 42 and committing to one final season of football before retirement.

But The Mariners can also bring through talent of their own from their successful youth operation, the Rigger Monkeys, and in this season alone blooded three impressive youngsters in Woodloe Cash, Tomás Quinlan and Tolgus Carne. Cash in particular was extremely impressive in the half-back role alongside Dara Christensen, the 17-year old making 29 appearances to cement his place as a first choice back. Forwards Quinlan and Carne impressed at times but both showed the inconsistent form common with youth players, but they will have gained good experience from a glorious club season and will come back stronger and better next time around.

Spittalmarine are blessed with a number of national team players in Zipper Smith, Ike Legge, Dara Christensen, Backside Chang and Conchobar Wickett, and may well add to that if they are successful in attracting Tuw Turk into the club. Youngsters Woodloe Cash and Tolgus Carne also look set to have international futures, though both would have been disappointed the the Fellowship of the Greasy Churn opted not to form a junior international side for this year’s Di Bradini Cup as had earlier been rumoured. But their time looks like it will almost certainly come. For Spittalmarine, they looked a class act this season, but will need to bring players through with seven of their eleven regular starters on or over 30. For coach Fistral McCrary, the next few seasons will be a delicate balance of replacing old for new, but that is a persistent tradition within the club that McCrary should be more than capable of following - The Mariners aren’t going anywhere: there crown will not be easily won, as pre-season favourites Athletic Spit found out this time around.

*Bonesea’s new national team rebranding coming right up: goodbye Purple Bruise, helloooo sailors…

.   Bonesligg-One           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Spittalmarine 36 21 6 9 93 67 +26 69 UICA: CC
2 Athletic Spit 36 19 7 10 85 66 +19 64 UICA: GC
3 SS Skiveness 36 19 3 14 94 77 +17 60 UICA: GC
4 Florence Boldclub 36 17 8 11 84 73 +11 59 UICA: GC
5 Viking Tananger 36 17 6 13 89 81 +8 57
6 1.FC Tocklehove 36 14 8 14 92 86 +6 50
7 Gymasia Scold 36 11 7 18 69 88 −19 40
8 Start-93 36 11 6 19 71 85 −14 39
9 Moss FC 36 10 5 21 58 88 −30 35
10 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 8 10 18 76 100 −24 34

Athletic Spit, who started the season as favourites, proved too inconsistent to finish top of the pile and had to settle for a second consecutive runners-up spot. They had a slow start and a shaky finish, and although they led the table for a long period in mid-season, there was always evidence of their fragility, and it was clear going into the final quarterseason that the more experienced Mariners would probably catch them up and overtake them. But they will look to build on a promising season, and will hope to go one further next time around. As it is, along with SS Skiveness and rivals Florence Boldclub, the Ancients will compete in Bonesea’s first UICA entry as Globe Cup minnows.

After Athletic finished two big clubs who were revived from poor previous seasons. SS Skiveness looked a confident team for much of the season, and for a while looked like they might compete with the two Spittalsea leaders for the title. Although they ran out of steam toward the end, this was an encouraging showing for the Herrings. Meanwhile, after finishing bottom and starting badly this time around, the Boldclub parted ways with manager Boyet Rogers early on and never looked back. With Des Jeruselem taking the helm as player-coach after a petition from supporters, The Cocks mounted a solid comeback to finish inside the UICA places and ahead of defending champions Viking Tananger.

Viking had a disappointing drop in form in the final quarter after a solid defence for the best part of the campaign. Going into the final 9 games they were very much in the title hunt, and will have been desperately disappointed to lose so much momentum that they failed to qualify for the UICA Globe Cup. They’ll have some consolation with the Cygnus Cup after winning the Skellingkop in such emphatic fashion, but overall it was a step back for the southerners. 1.FC Tocklehove also failed to live up to their decent 4th place finish last time out and although they never looked like they would be in trouble, they could not match the previous season in style or final points accumulation.

The bottom three played out a loser takes all contest all season, but Gymnasia Scold, who only finished one point ahead of them, looked after the first half of the season like they might pull a real surprise. They started strongly as the early pace-setters and took big wins against all the top sides early on, but then fell away badly in the second half of the season, almost being pulled into the dogfight at the bottom. Of the bottom three, Start-93 and Turbine FF surely knew they were in for a tough season, but for Moss FC who were so recently a force in the game, this was a season of unravelling as they finished second bottom. There are real troubles ahead at the club if they don’t reform root and branch, and quickly. With Grasshopper Club winning Ligg-2 for the second time in three seasons, there is now a real possibility of relegation as they only need another title in the next two seasons to go up. That means the team with the worst average over three seasons will go down, and clubs will want to post decent finishes next year to avoid that.

Final Standings - Lower Divisions

.   Bonesligg-Two           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Grasshopper Club 36 23 7 6 95 66 +29 76 UICA-SBCC(2/5)*
2 Torpedo Spitney 36 20 7 9 85 70 +15 67 UICA-SBCC
3 Fishers Grimsea 36 18 9 9 100 82 +18 63 UICA-SBCC
4 Skelling Club 36 14 7 15 86 86 0 49
5 Washaway FC 36 13 10 13 86 90 −4 49 (1/5)
6 Gullravens FC 36 12 11 13 77 68 +9 47
7 17.FF Tolling 36 12 5 19 79 91 −12 41
8 Turbine Moss FF 36 12 5 19 67 89 −22 41
9 Hearts AFC 36 10 6 20 74 86 −12 36
10 Whelm Town Welfare 36 9 7 20 67 88 −21 34 Relegated

As main challengers Torpedo Spitney and Fishers Grimsea fell away, Grasshopper Club of Fennby were left to sweep all before them and win a second title in three seasons. This now means that, under the new Cumulative Promotion Rules for Ligg-2, another title in the next two seasons will earn them automatic promotion. Washaway FC's poor season means they have to win two titles in the next three seasons for automatic promotion. 17.FF Tolling, in so much trouble at the half-way stage, pulled well clear of relegation in the end as Town Welfare were, to coin the popular phrase of the tabloid sports media, overwhelmed. ithankyou.

Blue Boys FF of Innstrand will replace the Welfare in Ligg-2 with what was a comfortable title in the end, although Ligg-4 champions Oysterhaven FF from the Isle of Skive were the outstanding performers of the Ligg this season, running away with the title 22 points clear, with the most wins (24), the most points (82) and the least defeats (2) across all five divisions. In the basement, Boldclub-B are the first reserve side to win a promotion in the Ligg, and will move up to the fourth tier. Reserve sides are permitted to go as high as Ligg-3 where they will hit their glass ceiling, although it seems highly unlikely a reserve side could progress so far. Cross-town rivals Athletic-B get the Rubbishpoon, a small utensil-shaped trophy as a consolation for propping up the league. A team faces re-election if they finish bottom three times in five seasons.

.   Bonesligg-Three         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Blue Boys FF 36 20 11 5 94 62 +32 71 Promoted
2 Tundra Axle FC 36 19 6 11 82 74 +8 63
3 Kickers FF Sand 36 16 11 9 83 65 +18 59
4 Celtic Club Skein 36 14 10 12 91 86 +5 52
5 Armada Club 36 15 6 15 77 73 +4 51
6 Crows Club 36 13 11 12 75 81 −6 50
7 Spartans FF Liarby 36 12 10 14 86 92 −6 46
8 Academic Spit 36 8 11 17 64 79 −15 35
9 Banners FC Skiveness 36 8 8 20 67 92 −25 32
10 Rapid FF Kells 36 5 16 15 66 81 −15 31 Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Oysterhaven FF 36 24 10 2 98 58 +40 82 Promoted
2 SS Industriell 36 17 9 10 79 66 +13 60
3 Irsha-57 SK 36 15 12 9 100 82 +18 57
4 Guillemots 36 13 11 12 93 81 +12 50
5 Stockett Brigade 36 13 6 17 95 99 −4 45
6 1.FC Boe 36 12 7 17 82 91 −9 43
7 Blackskull Club 36 9 14 13 62 69 −7 41
8 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 9 14 13 65 81 −16 41
9 St. Leah Gaels 36 11 7 18 75 93 −18 40
10 East Spit Casuals FC 36 8 8 20 66 95 −29 32 Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Boldclub-B 36 21 10 5 91 59 +32 73 Promoted
2 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 17 11 8 95 79 +16 62
3 Bannerclub Clun 36 18 7 11 96 75 +21 61
4 Viking-B 36 15 11 10 82 74 +8 56
5 Turbine-B 36 14 10 12 66 59 +7 52
6 SS-B 36 13 7 16 84 98 −14 46
7 Moss Reserve 36 12 4 20 76 83 −7 40
8 Otters Club 36 11 7 18 81 102 −21 40
9 Marine-B 36 9 7 20 72 91 −19 34 (*Rp; 1/5)
10 Athletic-B 36 7 12 17 70 93 −23 33 Rubbishpoon (1/5)


Viking Tananger 3-0 Spittalmarine H/T 0-0
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Toribio Gallo (’63, ’71, ’84)

Key stats (Vk/Sp): Possession 43/57; Shots 7-17, on target 4-5; Pass Completion % 87-67, Corners 10-7; Fouls 14-18, yellow cards 4-4, reds 0.

Player of the match: Toribio Gallo (Viking Tananger)
Booked: Viking - Afzal (’37), Gallo (’77), Arthur (’82), Boyes (’89) / Marine - Christensen (’25), Wickett (’44), Cash (’47), Carne (’77)

Player Ratings
Viking					Spittalmarine

Crebo Kirkpatrick [9.5] Zipper Smith [6.5]
Oren Charaton [9.5] Ike Legge [4.7]
Devin Friel [7.7]sub’62 Dara Christensen [3.1]
Mus'ad Afzal [8.3] Woodloe Cash [3.8]
Julien Thayer [9.8] Ulises Alfaro [4.8]sub’61
Mabin Razorbill [8.3] Backside Chang [4.8]
Chilli-Bean Acosta [9.3]sub’82 Achille Ybarra [6.6]
Yngvar Derr [6.2] Bod Cusey [4.5]
Buzza McCarthy [8.2] Conchobar Wickett [5.5]
Stennack Stonechat [7.7] Tomás Quinlan [4.1]sub’74
Toribio Gallo [9.9]sub’85 Mark McAlexander [4.1]sub’68

Subs Used Subs Used
Rosko Arthur [8.2] Hiram Polk [3.6]
Mark Penner [ - ] Tolgus Carne [3.4]
Darien Boyes [ - ] Shutta Gribben [ - ]

Cheerio Toribio!
Viking Tananger 3-0 Spittalmarine

The Vikings put a disappointing title defence behind them to win a second Skellingkop in three seasons, but this fairytale final was all about retiring Tamarindian hero Toribio Gallo, 41, who played his 476th and final game for his only club after 19 seasons with the small southern outfit, and hit an incredible second-half hat-trick - his 128, 129 and 130th career goals - to sink perennial Kopp chokers Spittalmarine. Toribio’s status as a Viking club legend was assured well ahead of this final bow-out but the stunning manner in which the old campaigner engineered victory for the southerners and wrote his own lines for the end of this unlikely script has won him admirers all over the nation; to a man, woman, person of indeterminate gender and gender-irrelevant child, the stadium rose to applaud him when coach Kett brought him off with five minutes to play just after his third goal - a gentlemanly gesture for a gentleman churner. The roar of appreciation inside the Boldpark must’ve been heard all the way down in Tananger.

Incredibly Toribio may not have been on the pitch at all in the second half after a crunching tackle on young Woodloe Cash in the first ten minutes got him a stern telling-off from the referee but not even a yellow card, when many of the Spittalninnies must have been expecting red. They perhaps knew it wasn’t going to be their day (again) at that point, even though they had and would continue to dominate for the entire first half. But while Viking were happy to sit back and let the Mariners play in front of them, that possession amounted to little in the way of chances, with the forward line not hitting a rhythm and even the usually dangerous Conchobar Wickett looking out of sorts, spurning half chances that he would commonly turn into real chances.

Zenegalese inside forward Achille Ybarra looked the most likely to find a way through for Spittalmarine, but he was well marshalled by Viking captain and talisman Chilli-Bean Acosta, supported first by young half-back Devin Friel and then the excellent Rosko Arthur, who came on after an hour to replace the tiring Friel and made an instant impact. It was Arthur’s interception of a loose Ybarra offensive pass within seconds of coming on that was the springboard for the breakthrough goal, as he put Buzza McCarthy through down the centre, and his unselfish square ball past the flailing Zipper Smith gave Toribio an open goal to pass into for his first goal.

By then Viking had begun to get on top anyway as the Mariners tired, frustrated in their efforts to break down a solid defensive three of Charaton, Friel and Afzal. Dara Christensen, The Conch and Woodloe Cash all went in the referee’s notebook as tempers frayed. For Viking, Oren Charaton in particular was the standout contributor to the defensive first half, along with his Septentrion countryman Julien Thayer in the outside left position. But as the second half progressed, it was Toribio Gallo who began to signal his intentions as he took the game by the scruff of the neck and moved Viking into a more attacking phase of the game. Both Toribio and Stennack Stonechat had come close before the inspired Rosko Arthur substitution and the subsequent goal which broke the deadlock.

From that point forward there looked to be only one winner as Spittalmarine crumpled, weighed down it seemed by their own reputation for final failure, and Toribio had them on the rack eight minutes later with his second, a headed goal from a Razorbill corner. To their credit, the Mariners rallied, having already replaced Alfaro and McAlexander they brought on striker Shutta Gribben for Tomás Quinlan - youth for youth - and it did give the northerners some extra impetus, as they pressed looking for a way back in to the game. Conchobar Wickett, sensing an opportunity, looked more energetic in the closing stages than at any other time, and his link play with the young sub Gribben certainly made for better watching. But the crowd had already sensed the destiny of the day, and it was while Viking were really on the back foot and deeper than they had been all game that Chilli-Bean Acosta picked up a stray ball after a heavy clash between Julien Thayer and the Mariners’ winger Backside Change, played a neat one-two with Mabin Razorbill, and hit a needle-pass through to the on-rushing Toribio Gallo. The Tamarindian, suddenly looking a man half his age, left the centreback Ike Legge trailing in his wake, bore down on Zipper Smith, and dummied him into an early dive before chipping over for his third goal and, as it happened, his last competitive kick of a ball in Bonesea greasy churning.

“You literally couldn’t make this stuff up,” said opposing striker Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett in his post-match interview, perhaps not fully understanding the meaning of literalism but generously noting that the old Tamarindo was an inspiration and a hero to every striker in Bonesea.

Awards & Records

Champions:	Spittalmarine (12th title)
Runners-Up: Athletic Spit
Third Place: SS Skiveness

Kop Winners: Viking Tanager (2nd title; 4 finals)
Runners-Up: Spittalmarine (9 finals)

UICA Qualifications

Champions Cup: Spittalmarine
Globe Cup: Athletic Spit
SS Skiveness
Florence Boldclub
SBCC: Grasshopper Club
Torpedo Spitney
Fishers Grimsea
Cygnus Cup: Viking Tananger

EkstraKop-576: Spittalmarine vs. Viking Tananger
(Super Cup season opener)

Lower Ligg Champions

Bonesligg-2: Grasshopper Club
Bonesligg-3: Blue Boys FF (promoted)
Bonesligg-4: Oysterhaven FF (promoted)
Bonesligg-5: Boldclub-B (promoted)
Spittaligg-A: Skullion FF

Player Awards

Fellows Award: Conchobar Wickett (Spittalmarine)
(Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Toribio Gallo (Viking Tananger)
Third Place: Deveral Parr (Athletic Spit)

Bonesligg-2: Negus Pheasant (Gullravens FC)
Bonesligg-3: Carharrack Haven (Blue Boys FF)
Bonesligg-4: CU Smith (Oysterhaven FF)
Bonesligg-5: Cuileann ‘Cully’ Prischmann-Sankey (Boldclub-B)

Golden Boot: Conchobar Wickett (Spittalmarine) 27
Runner-Up: Tuelmenna Jones (SS Skiveness) 21

Bonesligg-2: Clement Carlin (Fishers Grimsea) 25
Bonesligg-3: Carharrack Haven (Blue Boys FF) 20
Bonesligg-4: Gunna Illand (Irsha-57 SK) 31
Bonesligg-5: Cephus Hunt (Bannerclub Clun) 21

Golden Glove: Laois Moran (Athletic Spit)
Runner-Up: Zipper Smith (Spittalmarine)

Bonesligg-2: Thorfinn Fokke (Grasshopper Club)
Bonesligg-3: Donkey Ray Harton (Blue Boys FF)
Bonesligg-4: Lamonaco (Oysterhaven FF)
Bonesligg-5: Knut Plain (Boldclub-B)

Young Fella: Tuw Turk (Start-93) age 19
(Young Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Woodloe Cash (Spittalmarine) 17
Third Place: Hannes Strand (1.FC Tocklehove) 19

Bonesligg-2: Rebbe Gyr (Torpedo Spitney) 16
Bonesligg-3: Godwin Ba (ZEN) (Spartans FF Liarby) 17
Bonesligg-4: Colan Mackay-Coss (SS Industriell) 16
Bonesligg-5: Metherall Caroe 18

Argångaward: Fistral McCrary (Spittalmarine)
(Coach of The Season)
Runner-Up: Des Jeruselem (Florence Boldclub)

Bonesligg-2: Otteran Harrigan (Grasshopper Club)
Bonesligg-3: Arlo Smith-Williamson (Blue Boys FF)
Bonesligg-4: Lamine Togo (ZEN) (Oysterhaven FF)
Bonesligg-5: Ermine Blackback Crane (Combine Tamness-Nordby)

Bonesligg-1 Awards

Finest Match: Athletic Spit 4–5 Florence Boldclub
Biggest Win: Athletic Spit 7–2 Start-93
Highest Score: Spittalmarine 7–5 Gymasia Scold
Player Goals: Conchobar Wickett (5); Spittalmarine 7–5 Gymasia Scold

The Golden Watch
Year SB-575 Inductees

This year, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Bonesligg, The Fellowship of the Greasy Churn have initiated a ‘hall of fame’ club called The Golden Watch. Every year an undefined number of former (and maybe, potentially, current) players, officials and other related staff will be inducted and given an actual commissioned gold watch from the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia, as well as membership to The Golden Watch club. Membership is given for outstanding contributions to the greasy churn.

Inductee 1:	Pythagoras Jones; first national team manager (SB-572 onwards)
Inductee 2: Des Jeruselem (RKQ); first transgender international for Bonesea (SB572/74)
Inductee 3: Varrick Jones; player for Athletic Spit (741 apps; 134 goals), retired.
Inductee 4: KP Scrote; outstanding player of BoF’62 & World Cup’75 national squads (SB-572/74)
Inductee 5: Toribio Gallo (TAM); player for Viking Tananger (476 apps; 130 goals), retired.
Inductee 6: Sebastiene Narbonensis (WGT); chair, Fellowship of The Greasy Churn
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:11 am, edited 5 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Tour of Esportonkin SB-576

Postby Bonesea » Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:56 am


Tour of Esportonkin
In the Bonesea year SB-576

For want of anything else to do and having no regional championship to compete in, The Fellowship of The Greasy Churn booked up a complete tour of the pre-eminent region of the self-titled ‘Big Three’ - Esportiva, or as it is called locally, Esportonkin. On top of this, the Fellowship was proud to launch a new passenger barque, HMS Purple Bruise, a vessel dedicated to moving the national team around the multiverse in true Boney style and in so doing creating all manner of adventures to report back to the Narrative Committee. On it’s maiden voyage to Esportonkin, as well as ensuring the players arrived fresh and exhilirated for eight games across the region, the Captain of the Purple Bruise, Asa Liechtenstein, was also able to report -

Our tour complete, the First Voyage of The Purple Bruise has ended successfully. We return home with an undefeated national team ready for next year’s World Cup qualifying campaign; we bring a fine Fhlug diamond that will pay for the trip twenty-three times over; we have a little Hato-Hato tea, some Anglatian winter limes (which we pickled as they were on the turn – they’ll be great with a mycoprotein curry), four hundred purple stinging nellies (also pickled), two hundred crates of Apoxi Resin craft beer, and one hundred cartons of Gadiryan goat’s milk; we also have a Gadiryan milking goat; we bring back two diplomats and a treasure hunter; and we have gained a couple of new crewmen. Ship’s Purser Democritus Smith has completed the accounts for the trip, and we post a healthy two hundred and twenty-three thousand Bone Shilling profit, after port fees; we’ll also claim a decent bounty for scuttling The Herring in port in Anglatia as she was an AOan-registered vessel of the Falcanian merchant fleet, the feathery bastids.

MVP: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett 5 in 4 games
Record: P8 W7 D1 L0 F22 A6

Venue	Opponent		Score	R	Line-Up															Subs

A Tumbra 2-0 W Dunbar©; Cottle; Parr; Ortiz; Gyr; Jones, R; Acosta*; Jones, I; Calhoun; Wickett (2)*; Turk Goose; Skewes, A
A Gadirya 1-0 W Dunbar©; Cottle*; Shanty; Skewes, A; Gyr; Tannager (1); Skewes, EA; Jones, I; Napoléon; Calhoun; Smith, S Polgigga; Smith, A; Hocking
A Anglatia 0-0 D Smith, Z©; Blue; Brown; Ortiz; Gyr; Jones, R; Skewes, EA; Jones, I; Napoléon; Smith, A; Turk Parr; Skewes, A
A Ethane 5-3 W Smith, Z; Polgigga; Parr*(1); Ortiz; Jones, N (1); Jones, R; Smith, A (2); Jones, I; Napoléon (1); Calhoun; Turk Tannager; Skewes, A; Hocking
A Fhulghamous Peninsula 3-0 W Dunbar©; Blue; Shanty; Skewes, A (1); Jones, N*; Tannager (1); Acosta; Smith, A; Napoléon; Wickett (1); Smith, S Polgigga; Brown
A Hasznia 4-0 W Smith, Z©*; Polgigga*; Brown; Ortiz; Gyr*; Jones, R (1); Acosta; Jones, I*; Hocking (1); Wickett (1); Turk (1) Goose; Shanty
A Licentian Isles 3-1 W Dunbar; Blue*; Shanty*; Skewes, A; Skewes, EA; Tannager; Acosta; Smith, A; Napoléon (1); Wickett (1)*; Smith, S (1) Hocking; Jones, R
A Apox Rep. XI 4-2 W Goose*; Ortiz; Brown*; Skewes, A (2); Skewes, EA; Jones, R; Acosta (1); Smith, A (1); Napoléon; Hocking; Turk Dunbar; Tannager

KEY: MoM / Booked / Sent-Off / Card Ban / * Injured / © Clean Sheet

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 1

Tumbra 0-2 Bonesea H/T 0-1

Goals: Wickett (’35, ’56)
Player of the match: Jones, I

Key stats: Possession 47/53; Shots 12-16, on target 5-4; Pass Completion % 66-81, Corners 2-4; Fouls 8-11, yellow cards 0-2, reds 1-2.
Player Ratings: Dunbar [7.7]; Cottle [7.7]; Parr [5.7], Ortiz [5.2]; Gyr [8.8], Jones R [8.6], Acosta [7.6], Calhoun [7.1], Wickett [8.5], Jones I [8.9], Turk [5.1]; subs: Goose [7.8], Skewes A [7.3]

Booked: -
Sent off: Parr

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 2

Gadirya 0-1 Bonesea H/T 0-1

Goals: Tannager (’9)
Player of the match: Tannager

Key stats: Possession 54/46; Shots 18-15, on target 6-5; Pass Completion % 77-77, Corners 10-10; Fouls 8-16, yellow cards 1-4, reds 0-1.
Player Ratings: Dunbar [5.4]; Cottle [4.3]; Shanty [5.0], Skewes A [5.0]; Gyr [5.4], Tannager [6.0], Skewes EA [4.1], Calhoun [4.1], Napoléon [4.1], Jones I [5.0], Smith S [5.2]; subs: Polgigga [4.1], Smith A [5.3], Hocking [4.8]

Booked: Dunbar, Napoléon, Calhoun, Polgigga
Sent off: Shanty

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 3

Anglatia 0-0 Bonesea H/T 0-0

Goals: -
Player of the match: Skewes EA

Key stats: Possession 54/46; Shots 12-12, on target 4-4; Pass Completion % 72-75, Corners 2-5; Fouls 6-11, yellow cards 1-2, reds 0
Player Ratings: Smith Z [4.0]; Blue [4.3]; Brown [5.5], Ortiz [4.0]; Gyr [5.5], Jones R [4.9], Skewes EA [5.6], Smith A [5.1], Napoléon [5.2], Jones I [4.4], Turk [4.1]; subs: Parr [4.5], Skewes A [5.7]

Booked: Smith Z, Napoléon
Sent off: -

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 4

Ethane 3-5 Bonesea H/T 1-4

Goals: Parr (‘5), Napoléon (’12), Jones N (’22), Smith A (’35, ’86)
Player of the match: Jones R

Key stats: Possession 40/60; Shots 11-14, on target 3-5; Pass Completion % 67-77, Corners 2-8; Fouls 11-17, yellow cards 3-1, reds 0-1
Player Ratings: Smith Z [5.6]; Polgigga [7.2]; Parr [6.8], Ortiz [8.3]; Jones N [8.6], Jones R [8.7], Smith A [7.8], Calhoun [8.4], Napoléon [7.3], Jones I [6.3], Turk [7.9]; subs: Tannager [5.8], Skewes A [5.1], Hocking [8.0]

Booked: Parr
Sent off: Calhoun

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 5

Fhulghamous Peninsula 0-3 Bonesea H/T 0-2

Goals: Tannager (’35), Wickett (’43), Skewes A (’64)
Player of the match: Dunbar

Key stats: Possession 42/58; Shots 8-17, on target 2-6; Pass Completion % 69-84, Corners 1-4; Fouls 14-8, yellow cards 1-5, reds 0
Player Ratings: Dunbar [10.0]; Blue [8.6]; Shanty [9.9], Skewes A [9.4]; Jones N [8.9], Tannager [8.4], Acosta [8.3], Napoléon [8.7], Wickett [8.2], Smith A [9.3], Smith S [9.2]; subs: Polgigga [8.1], Brown [9.6]

Booked: Dunbar, Blue, Tannager, Polgigga, Brown
Sent off: -

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 6

Hasznia 0-4 Bonesea H/T 0-1

Goals: Turk (‘7), Wickett (’80), Acosta (’82), Gyr (’85)
Player of the match: Wickett

Key stats: Possession 45/55; Shots 7-21, on target 2-8; Pass Completion % 64-87, Corners 2-7; Fouls 14-12, yellow cards 2-0, reds 0
Player Ratings: Smith Z [8.5]; Polgigga [8.9]; Brown [8.9], Ortiz [8.7]; Gyr [9.7], Jones R [8.0], Acosta [8.8], Hocking [9.2], Wickett [9.8], Jones I [9.2], Turk [9.7]; subs: Goose [8.1], Shanty [8.9]

Booked: -
Sent off: -

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 7

Licentian Isles 1-3 Bonesea H/T 0-1

Goals: Napoléon (‘5), Smith S (’81), Wickett (’87)
Player of the match: Acosta

Key stats: Possession 43/57; Shots 9-11, on target 3-4; Pass Completion % 64-78, Corners 3-9; Fouls 9-10, yellow cards 0-5, reds 0
Player Ratings: Dunbar [5.7]; Blue [6.2]; Shanty [8.2], Skewes A [5.4]; Skewes EA [7.4], Tannager [5.3], Acosta [8.7], Napoléon [6.1], Wickett [5.4], Smith A [8.3], Smith S [7.5]; subs: Hocking [5.1], Jones R [7.4]

Booked: Skewes A, Skewes EA, Smith A, Hocking, Jones R
Sent off: -

Tour of Esportonkin, Match 8

Apox Representative XI 2-4 Bonesea H/T 1-2

Goals: Smith A (‘9), Acosta (’34), Skewes A (’69, ’80)
Player of the match: Acosta

Key stats: Possession 41/59; Shots 8-14, on target 3-5; Pass Completion % 66-84, Corners 7-6; Fouls 6-15, yellow cards 4-1, reds 0-1
Player Ratings: Goose [5.9]; Ortiz [5.8]; Brown [5.9], Skewes A [5.5]; Skewes EA [8.4], Jones R [5.3], Acosta [8.7], Napoléon [5.5], Hocking [7.2], Smith A [5.5], Turk [8.4]; subs: Dunbar [7.1], Tannager [7.2]

Booked: Skewes EA
Sent off: Smith A
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:00 am, edited 3 times in total.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-576

Postby Bonesea » Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:05 am


[ Date: 14.Withering.577 ] Time flies… except in Paripana. Or maybe time just flies in Bonesea, what with the recent shenanigans of the deposed Narrative Committee and Rear Admiral Ratio Suckling’s adventures treasure-hunting in timewarped non-existent regions. However it has happened, almost two seasons have passed since Spittalmarine thought they had qualified for the nation’s first UICA entry - but the invite never came. In fact, the contest never came. We better catch up on what happened last season; SB-576 by the Bonesea Symmetrical Calendar.

Bonesligg Champions

Florence Boldclub

Player-coach and winger of indeterminate gender Des Jeruselem’s transformation of the Green Faeries has been remarkable, taking over less than two seasons ago when the team were bottom of the Bonesligg after five games and had finished bottom the season previously for the first time in their history. Afer guiding them to a respectable fourth-placed finish in ’75, they have come full circle so quickly with a narrow and historic tenth title win in a thrilling season, to become only the second club after neighbours Spittalmarine to reach double figures in championship wins. With an already impressive line-up of first team starters and a good portion of the Bonesea national squad in their ranks, Coach Jeruselem surprised everyone in pre-season by capturing the signing of student dentist and rising star Tuw Turk from Start-93, who was fully expected to go to Spittalmarine. That seems to have been the final piece in the puzzle for the Boldclub, who went on to take the title for the first time in five seasons.

It certainly wasn’t easy and owed some good fortune to the second half collapse of Viking Tananger, who had been ten points ahead of second placed Boldclub at the midway point in the season, before developing an inexplicable loss of confidence that led to them finishing fifth in a tight title run-in. For the Boldclub, winning the title seemed as impossible as Viking losing it when a mid-season loss of form led to consecutive defeats to strugglers Gymnasia (0-3), 1.FC Tocklehove (0-2 at home) and a thrashing at cross-town rivals Athletic (1-5) left them wallowing in mid-table and miles off the title race. This dip concluded with a narrow defeat 0-1 at Spittalmarine and suddenly they were looking over their shoulder at the strugglers rather than the title race, which SS Skiveness had assumed with Viking also in a crisis of confidence. A draw at home to the new leaders and a solid 3-0 win at Viking were the green shoots of a revival for The Cocks, who went on an eight game unbeaten run to put them right back in the mix, with SS and Spittalmarine out in front, Moss surprising everyone and Viking hanging on in there. Even so, with five games to go and The Mariners seemingly finishing their title hopes with a 3-0 triumph at a pack Boldpark, the club from Florence found themselves seven points behind and Spittalmarine apparently with an insurmountable lead.

And extraordinary matchday 32 turned the tide of the league. In Spittalsea, the Mariners were on the wrong end of perhaps the most remarkable game in Bonesligg history as they went down 6-10 at home; yes, sixteen goals. At one point 6-2 ahead, they suffered three quick dismissals leaving them with 35 minutes to play as 8 men. Despite heroic efforts to get another man sent off and the game necessarily abandoned, the referee refused to play along and 1.FC Tocklehove hot eight goals in the last forty minutes to rack up the most bizarre scoreline of all time. Fellows at the football authorities were said to be muttering superlatives about the decision to move to NSFS Formula rule modifications to make the game more entertaining, which it certainly had been for most of the season. Although this was beyond anything else by a country mile. Anything, that is, except what was happening on the Isle of Skive at the same time. In a title contest between The Herrings and the Green Faeries, Florence Boldclub almost matched 1.FC by hitting an extraordinary nine goals, going on to win 9-3 in a match where they did not have the excuse of any dismissals. With both Spittalmarine and SS Skiveness reeling from such collapses, Florence went on to take advantage, overhauling both sides with two games to play as they struggled to recover. The title was won on the final day of the season despite a 1-0 loss at Moss FC, who by dint of that win moved themselves above SS Skiveness and into third, will the Herrings dropped to 4th after losing at Viking. The Mariners had the perfect opportunity to win back first place and secure a second successive title but blew it with a disastrous 0-3 defeat at Turbine FF, who themselves were playing with relegation hanging over their heads. With the top three going into the final round all losing, the title went to the Boldclub, and Des Jeruselem becomes a club legend.

.   Bonesligg-One           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts	Av3 
1 Florence Boldclub 36 16 11 9 84 51 +33 59
2 Spittalmarine 36 16 9 11 82 65 +17 57
3 Moss FC 36 15 12 9 75 60 +15 57
4 SS Skiveness 36 15 11 10 71 53 +18 56
5 Viking Tananger 36 15 9 12 60 60 0 54
6 1.FC Tocklehove 36 15 3 18 74 85 −11 48
7 Start-93 36 12 9 15 67 86 −19 45 41.33
8 Athletic Spit 36 11 9 16 58 74 −16 42
9 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 10 9 17 64 75 −11 39 37.66 RELEGATED
10 Gymnasia Scold 36 7 14 15 57 83 −26 35 40.66

Along with the thrills and spills of the title race, the big news in the division is the first relegation since the introduction of the new Cumulative Promotion Rules five seasons ago. The rules were designed to improve the quality of the top division by making access to it harder. Under these rules, a team from the second tier would need to win the Bonesligg-2 title three times in five seasons to take promotion, and the team to go down would be the one with the poorest average points tally over the last three seasons. With the Grasshopper Club of Fennby able to win promotion with a title in either of the next two seasons, the strugglers were well aware this could be the season, and at the beginning of the season it was Start-93 in the frame. But they improved notably despite the loss of Tuw Turk and it was Turbine FF who drop, even though they finished above Gymnasia Scold. They now face a minimum of three seasons outside the top flight for the first time in their history. With Washaway FC being relegated and Skelling Club’s previous Ligg-2 title in ’71 now expiring, the Cumulative Rules now reset, and it will be at least three seasons before there is another relegation.

There were two notable reversals of fortune this season with Moss FC returning to good form after a period of struggle, and Athletic Spit having a really poor season by their own standards. Moss were expected to struggle and many tipped them for bottom place in the Ligg, but they signed some decent youngsters in the off-season including EA Skewes from Hearts, as well as promoting a really exciting academy prospect in Ruben Roche who, at 17, made an instant impact; The Bryophytes were competitive from the start and finished with a strong run into the top three. By contrast Athletic, many people’s favourite for the title, had an appalling start with only two wins in the first quarter of the season, and failed to recover from that. By the halfway stage they were bottom and appeared to be ‘doing a Boldclub’ or heading for the wooden spoon - unthinkable at the beginning of the season. A stunning 5-1 win over the Boldclub pointed to a potential revival, but it never came and the side struggled through toward the end of the season in the bottom two, enjoying a five game unbeaten run at the end to show signs of what they ought to have been and ensuring they ended above Turbine FF and Gymnasia.

Final Standings - Lower Divisions

.   Bonesligg-Two           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 

1 Grasshopper Club 36 20 9 7 93 42 +51 69 PROMOTED
2 Torpedo Spitney 36 20 9 7 98 64 +34 69
3 Gullravens FC 36 19 7 10 115 56 +59 64
4 Turbine Moss FF 36 17 8 11 106 63 +43 59
5 Skelling Club 36 16 9 11 84 59 +25 57
6 Blue Boys FF 36 15 10 11 69 67 +2 55
7 Fishers Grimsea 36 11 13 12 73 64 +9 46
8 17.FF Tolling 36 13 5 18 65 70 −5 44
9 Hearts AFC 36 6 3 27 35 151 −116 21
10 Washaway FC 36 4 5 27 29 131 −102 17 Relegated

Grasshopper Club and Torpedo Spitney contested the title all season long with the team from Fennby securing the title on the final day with a win over struggling 17.FF Tolling, and with that, the coveted spot in the top flight. For Torpedo, it is once again a disappointing near miss as it has been every season since the new promotion rules were introduced, and they will regroup to fight again next season hoping to join their three more illustrious city rivals in the top flight at some point, although they know it is at least three seasons away. For the other usual contenders Fishers Grimsea and Skelling Club, it was a case of mediocre seasons that move the dream of top flight football further away, especially for Skelling who had one title in the bag but which has now expired for the purposes of promotion. At the bottom end, Washaway FC’s relegation just two seasons after winning the title means they lose the credit of that title in terms of promotion eligibility, since a relegation wipes away the title’s qualifying status. They have bigger worries though as the club seems to have imploded since winning the title in ’74. Newly-promoted Blue Boys FF of Innstrand looked more than comfortable in the higher division and their fans will hope they can push on to become a challenger.

In Ligg-3 Whelm Town Welfare won automatic promotion back to the second tier (Cumulative Promotion Rules only apply to the top flight) at the first attempt of dropping down last season, while promoted side Oysterhaven FF just managed to avoid dropping back thanks to the abject performance of local rivals Banners FC Skiveness who conceded a league record 142 goals in the season. That included two 0-10 defeats and a 1-13 home defeat to fellow strugglers Tundra Axle FC. Like Welfare, Rapid Kells bounce back immediately from relegateion to Ligg-4 while in the basement East Spit Casuals finish bottom after two consecutive relegations and must wonder if the whole system is stacked against them, something which the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn has agreed they will investigate.

.   Bonesligg-Three         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Whelm Town Welfare 36 21 7 8 109 48 +61 70 Promoted
2 Kickers FF Sand 36 19 5 12 81 57 +24 62
3 Armada Club 36 14 15 7 81 56 +25 57
4 Crows Club 36 16 9 11 87 80 +7 57
5 Academic Spit 36 14 9 13 76 71 +5 51
6 Spartans FF Liarby 36 14 8 14 80 67 +13 50
7 Celtic Club Skein 36 12 11 13 59 66 −7 47
8 Tundra Axle FC 36 13 7 16 72 69 +3 46
9 Oysterhaven FF 36 9 12 15 53 81 −28 39
10 Banners FC Skiveness 36 4 5 27 39 142 −103 17 Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Rapid FF Kells 36 17 9 10 75 56 +19 60 Promoted
2 1.FC Bøe 36 17 6 13 79 72 +7 57
3 Stockett Brigade 36 13 14 9 82 67 +15 53
4 Guillemots 36 14 9 13 64 60 +4 51
5 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 13 11 12 64 66 −2 50
6 St. Leah Gaels 36 12 10 14 83 86 −3 46
7 SS Industriell 36 12 10 14 66 77 −11 46
8 Boldclub-B 36 13 5 18 46 59 −13 44
9 Irsha-57 SK 36 8 17 11 66 72 −6 41
10 Blackskull Club 36 10 11 15 76 86 −10 41 Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bannerclub Clun 36 18 11 7 78 70 +8 65 Promoted
2 Viking-B 36 18 8 10 92 59 +33 62
3 Marine-B 36 17 9 10 83 54 +29 60 (*Rp; 1/5)
4 Otters Club 36 12 14 10 81 62 +19 50
5 Moss Reserve 36 14 6 16 74 77 −3 48
6 Turbine-B 36 11 14 11 68 75 −7 47
7 Athletic-B 36 12 10 14 60 70 −10 46 (*Rp; 1/5)
8 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 13 5 18 67 76 −9 44
9 SS-B 36 9 10 17 50 73 −23 37
10 East Spit Casuals FC 36 10 5 21 47 84 −37 35 Rubbishpoon (1/5)

Winners: Viking Tananger

The Vikings won their third Kop in four seasons and became only the third team in history to defend a Kop title after SS Skiveness and their own local rivals Moss FC, in the process doling out a cup thrashing for 1.FC who have enjoyed their own relative success in this competition over recent years. Incredibly Viking had another veteran hatrick hero for the second final in a row as former international Buzza McCarthy, 33, hit a triple in this comfortable win. The Tockles were never at the races for this and Barquio Sól’s goal just after the hour proved no more than a scant consolation, after Buzza had completed his hatrick and young star Teppo Gulbrandsen had added one to give the Vikings a four goal lead. National captain Chilli-Bean Acosta completed the rout for the dominant southerners to give the club their third kop. Supporters will feel the extra vindication now that in two of their three kop wins they have beaten the two teams, Moss FC and 1.FC, who had defeated them in their only previous final appearances. Are we seeing the rise of a cup team to take on the might of SS Skiveness? Perhaps it is a bit early to call but no team has dominated the competition like this over the short term since Skiveness did in the ‘40s. The writing looked to be on the wall from the first round when Viking thumped non-league Skullion FF 11-0, and followed this up in Kop-2 with a scorching 8-1 victory over Ligg-4 leaders Rapid FF Kells. After a more sedate 3-1 third round win over potential banana skin Torpedo Spit, the thrashings resumed in the quarterfinals with a 7-1 triumph over Spartans Liarby, setting up a semi-final clash with deadly rivals Moss FC. The Vikings stormed through that tie with a 5-1 win and by matching that with the final triumph, have scored an incredible 39 goals to 4 against over six games, averaging better than 6-1 per game. It is a remarkable record-breaking cup scoring run, as well as their unbeaten run: having won the last two cups, knocked out on penalties in ’74, and won in ’73, they have not lost since the 572 Kop-4 over four years ago; a run of 22 kop games unbeaten. Even the mighty Herrings cannot match that.


Viking Tananger 5-1 1.FC Tocklehove H/T 3-0
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Buzza McCarthy (’1, ’20, ’53), Teppo Gullbrandsen (’34), Chilli-Bean Acosta (’68) / Barquio Sól (’63)

Key stats (Vk/Tk): Possession 58/42%; Shots 19-10, on target 8-3; Pass Completion % 87-63, Corners 10-2; Fouls 15-21, yellow cards 2-3, reds 0.

Player of the match: Buzza McCarthy (Viking Tananger)
Booked: Viking - Afzal (’13), Greatknot (’31) / 1.FC - Crowe (’24), Runnalls (’39), Waldron (’82)

Player Ratings
Viking					1.FC Tocklehove

Crebo Kirkpatrick [9.7] Tabby Lanner [3.3]
YB Norlander [8.2] Dew Wherry [1.2]
Devin Friel [9.0] Hannes Strand [0.9]
Mus'ad Afzal [8.8] OH Runnalls [3.8]
Julien Thayer [8.0] Nos Nuthatch [1.1]
Plusha Greatknot [8.7] Kite Bohenna [1.4]
Chilli-Bean Acosta [8.8]sub’88 Dagfinnr Inge Jokinen [2.8]
Teppo Gulbrandsen [9.8] Ogden Hocking [1.4]
Buzza McCarthy [9.8] Barquio Sól [4.0]sub’68
Stennack Stonechat [9.2]sub’84 Esben Hagebak [2.8]
Lilian Mbo [9.3]sub’88 GY Crowe [1.6]sub’74

Subs Used Subs Used
Ghesal Kitso [ - ] Santos Iturburua [3.2]
Mark Penner [ - ] Bose Whaldron [ - ]
Séafra McBride [ - ]

The Golden Watch
Year SB-576 Inductees

Last year, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Bonesligg, The Fellowship of the Greasy Churn initiated a ‘hall of fame’ club called The Golden Watch. Every year an undefined number of former (and maybe, potentially, current) players, officials and other related staff will be inducted and given an actual commissioned gold watch from the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia, as well as membership to The Golden Watch club. Membership is given for outstanding contributions to the greasy churn. At the end of this season, four further inductees were named, bringing the Golden Watch Club to 10 members.

Inductee 7:	Vine Dawkins, CF, played for 1.FC Tocklehove for 22 seasons, playing 594 games for the club and scoring 243 goals.	
Inductee 8: Kingsley Smith, IR, 503 games for Florence Boldclub, scoring 116 goals.
Inductee 9: Hermon Tuquevoix, IR, 678 games for Athletic Spit, 185 goals.
Inductee 10: Professor Kett, manager of Viking Tanager 558-575; assistant manager Bonesea national team, co-inventor of the Argånger.

Previous Inductees

Class of '75
Inductee 1: Pythagoras Jones; first national team manager (SB-572 onwards)
Inductee 2: Des Jeruselem (RKQ); first transgender international for Bonesea (SB572/74)
Inductee 3: Varrick Jones; player for Athletic Spit (741 apps; 134 goals), retired.
Inductee 4: KP Scrote; outstanding player of BoF’62 & World Cup’75 national squads (SB-572/74)
Inductee 5: Toribio Gallo (TAM); player for Viking Tananger (476 apps; 130 goals), retired.
Inductee 6: Sebastiene Narbonensis (WGT); chair, Fellowship of The Greasy Churn
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:01 am, edited 7 times in total.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-577

Postby Bonesea » Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:48 am


BONESLIGG Season 52 / SB-577

Time flies and the staff at Boldsport seem to have lost the will to write at the moment, something perhaps to do with all the shenanigans over at the Narrative Committee. Whatever the reason, the world grinds on and the UICA party is finally back in town. Which means a lot of organising to get the first entry from Bonesea into the mix: and first we'd better catch you up on the season before last - UICA will be taking entries from the 53rd Bonesligg, and the clubs are now in the off-season preparing for the 54th. But let's have a quick look at season 52, in which Florence Boldclub would be defending their tenth title, and Viking Tananger would be looking for a record-breaking three-in-a-row in the Skellingkop.

The Boldclub were unable to retain their title as the Ancients of Athletic Spit rolled back the years, winning their first title in 13 seasons and their sixth overall, delivering on a promise which has been suggested for several seasons and had failed to deliver. Last season's seventh-place was a huge disappointment but the Ancients came back strong, seeing out a late challenge from the reigning champions and surprise package 1.FC. The Tockles had to settle for third in a terrific season and will hope for a similar result in the following campaign when UICA places are finally at stake. At the bottom newly pomoted Grasshopper Club found the going tough but had their moments, and almost overhauled Start-93 in the final run-in. It wasn't to be but they will build on what they have and hope to be more competitive next time around.

.  Bonesligg-One           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Athletic Spit 36 17 9 10 88 72 +16 60

2 Florence Boldclub 36 16 8 12 65 70 −5 56
3 1.FC Tocklehove 36 15 10 11 90 83 +7 55
4 Spittalmarine 36 15 8 13 105 85 +20 53
5 Moss FC 36 15 6 15 70 72 −2 51
6 Gymnasia Scold 36 12 14 10 73 69 +4 50
7 SS Skiveness 36 13 8 15 73 77 −4 47
8 Viking Tananger 36 11 13 12 83 79 +4 46
9 Start-93 36 10 8 18 74 90 −16 38
10 Grasshopper Club 36 9 10 17 56 80 −24 37

Bonesligg-Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Torpedo Spitney 36 19 6 11 97 63 +34 63
2 Fishers Grimsea 36 18 6 12 116 86 +30 60
3 Whelm Town Welfare 36 18 6 12 81 69 +12 60
4 Gullravens FC 36 15 12 9 96 63 +33 57
5 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 17 6 13 95 62 +33 57
6 Blue Boys FF 36 14 12 10 62 71 −9 54
7 Turbine Moss FF 36 14 7 15 84 70 +14 49
8 17.FF Tolling 36 12 10 14 72 74 −2 46
9 Skelling Club 36 12 8 16 75 67 +8 44
10 Hearts AFC 36 4 1 31 43 196 −153 13Relegated

Cumulative Promotion Records
577 Torpedo Spitney
576 Grasshopper Club *promoted
575 Grasshopper Club
574 Washaway FC
573 Grasshopper Club

Bonesligg-Three Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Oysterhaven FF 36 17 9 10 72 72 0 60Promoted
2 Crows Club 36 16 11 9 75 44 +31 59
3 Tundra Axle FC 36 16 8 12 82 65 +17 56
4 Celtic Club Skein 36 13 14 9 86 67 +19 53
5 Academic Spit 36 13 11 12 60 53 +7 50
6 Armada Club 36 14 8 14 51 50 +1 50
7 Kickers FF Sand 36 12 13 11 66 58 +8 49
8 Spartans FF Liarby 36 13 10 13 74 71 +3 49
9 Rapid FF Kells 36 12 9 15 60 76 −16 45
10 Washaway FC 36 4 7 25 42 112 −70 19Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 SS Industriell 36 18 5 13 79 46 +33 59Promoted
2 Boldclub-B 36 18 5 13 70 58 +12 59
3 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 17 7 12 82 67 +15 58
4 Guillemots 36 15 12 9 67 50 +17 57
5 Irsha-57 SK 36 16 8 12 81 69 +12 56
6 Stockett Brigade 36 14 5 17 54 85 −31 47
7 1.FC Bøe 36 13 7 16 66 57 +9 46
8 Banners FC Skiveness 36 11 10 15 53 65 −12 43
9 St. Leah Gaels 36 12 7 17 57 84 −27 43
10 Bannerclub Clun 36 10 6 20 66 94 −28 36Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 East Spit Casuals FC 36 16 11 9 93 67 +26 59Promoted
2 Viking-B 36 15 10 11 76 64 +12 55
3 Blackskull Club 36 15 10 11 74 72 +2 55
4 Athletic-B 36 14 11 11 68 75 −7 53
5 Turbine-B 36 12 14 10 73 62 +11 50
6 SS-B 36 12 12 12 63 58 +5 48
7 Moss Reserve 36 12 11 13 57 61 −4 47
8 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 13 8 15 81 86 −5 47
9 Otters Club 36 11 10 15 75 76 −1 43
10 Marine-B 36 8 7 21 80 119 −39 31Rubbispoon

Cumulative Re-election Records
577 Marine-B *Faces re-election if 10th next season
576 East Spit Casuals
575 Athletic-B
574 Marine-B
573 SS-B



Viking become the first team in Skellingkop history to win three-in-a-row with a comfortable final win over surprise Bonesligg-2 finalists Whelm Town Welfare, and included on the way the competition's biggest win of the season, smashing Washaway FC 11-1 in the second round. Incredibly they have not lost a Skellingkop tie for six years, winning three titles and going out twice on penalties in the intervening years.


Bannerclub Clun 1–0 Banners FC Skiveness
Oysterhaven FF 0–1 Club Zenega
SCB-Alliance 1–3 SS Industriell
1.FC Bøe 0–7 Florence Boldclub
Rapid FF Kells 1–1 SS Electra Worksclub (3–1 AET)
Torpedo Spitney 5–0 East Spit Casuals FC
Blackskull Club 0–5 Fishers Grimsea
Kickers FF Sand 6–2 Start-93
Athletic Spit 1–0 Spittalmarine
Gullravens FC 1–1 St. Leah Gaels (2–1 AET)
Turbine Moss FF 1–3 Viking Tananger
Penchant & District 0–4 Washaway FC
Crows Club 3–1 Varsity Combination SU
Celtic Club Skein 1–1 Armada Club (1–1 AET) (4–5 pen.)
SS Skiveness 5–1 Fennby Airport
Academic Spit 3–1 Herring Club
Gymnasia Scold 5–0 Moss Reserve
FC Harbourwights 1–0 Celts Club
1.FC Tocklehove 1–0 Skullion FF
Boldclub-B 1–3 Shale Athletic SU
Blue Boys FF 4–1 Combine FF Pikefells
Turbine FF Gallowsea 3–3 Skelling Club (4–3 AET)
Marine-B 5–1 SS-B
Guillemots 1–0 Spartans FF Liarby
Combine Tamness-Nordby 1–0 Bannerclub FF Dogside
Grasshopper Club 4–0 Tundra Axle FC
Rangers Tocklehove FF 0–3 Turbine-B
Irsha-57 SK 0–1 Hearts AFC
Moss FC 4–6 Athletic-B
Bonesea Air Force Club 3–5 Viking-B
17.FF Tolling 1–3 Stockett Brigade
Whelm Town Welfare 0–0 Otters Club (1–0 AET)


Bannerclub Clun 4–0 Club Zenega
SS Industriell 1–5 Florence Boldclub
Rapid FF Kells 1–5 Torpedo Spitney
Fishers Grimsea 1–1 Kickers FF Sand (2–1 AET)
Athletic Spit 1–0 Gullravens FC
Viking Tananger 11–1 Washaway FC
Crows Club 0–1 Armada Club
SS Skiveness 3–1 Academic Spit
Gymnasia Scold 4–1 FC Harbourwights
1.FC Tocklehove 8–1 Shale Athletic SU
Blue Boys FF 1–1 Turbine FF Gallowsea (1–2 AET)
Marine-B 2–2 Guillemots (2–2 AET) (5–6 pen.)
Combine Tamness-Nordby 3–1 Grasshopper Club
Turbine-B 5–0 Hearts AFC
Athletic-B 1–3 Viking-B
Stockett Brigade 3–5 Whelm Town Welfare


Bannerclub Clun 1–5 Florence Boldclub
Torpedo Spitney 3–3 Fishers Grimsea (4–4 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Athletic Spit 1–1 Viking Tananger (1–2 AET)
Armada Club 0–1 SS Skiveness
Gymnasia Scold 0–1 1.FC Tocklehove
Turbine FF Gallowsea 6–3 Guillemots
Combine Tamness-Nordby 0–1 Turbine-B
Viking-B 1–9 Whelm Town Welfare


Florence Boldclub 5–1 Torpedo Spitney
Viking Tananger 1–0 SS Skiveness
1.FC Tocklehove 5–5 Turbine FF Gallowsea (5–5 AET) (2–4 pen.)
Turbine-B 1–1 Whelm Town Welfare (1–3 AET)


Florence Boldclub 0–1 Viking Tananger
Turbine FF Gallowsea 0–6 Whelm Town Welfare


Viking Tananger 3–1 Whelm Town Welfare
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{BOLDSPORT} World Cup'76 Qualifying

Postby Bonesea » Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:53 am


For Electrum & Ceni
In the Bonesea year SB-576

Perhaps for the first time in their careeers, there was some expectation on the players of the national team that they might actually go out and produce something to crow about. And not without reason: After debuting with an appearance in the final of Baptism of Fire ’62, the Purple Bruise went on to qualify - with a large helping of good fortune - to the finals of World Cup ’75 in Audioslavia & Krytenia, then went on to qualify from the group ahead of giants Vilita and San Jose Guayabal, finally being stopped by Cosumar in the round of sixteen. Following that came an impressive trip to the Eagles Cup finals after pipping Valanora and The Holy Asylum in the qualifying round. By the start of the new World Cup cycle, Bonesea had stormed to 31st in the world rankings. Drawn with former World Champions Nephara, and a couple of rivals from their BoF days in Brigantii and Schmirnov, the rebranded ‘Sailors’ coped with the expectation initially to finish a comfortable second and earn themselves a play-off date with Damukuni. Expected by their own countrymen to gain a second consecutive world cup finals slot, the boys wilted under pressure and in two poor games threw away their early hopes of an unblemished qualification track-record. The World Cup was over and ended, unlike the roar of ’75, with a whimper in ’76. Of course, they more than made up for it in the Cup of Almosts…

MVP: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Top Scorer: Idless Jones 4 in 6 games
Record: P14 W8 D2 L4 F31 A21
Interim Rank: 26 (up 5 from 31)

Stage	Venue	Opponent		Score	R	Line-Up														Subs
Qual H Northi Arabia 3-0 W Smith, Z©; Blue (1); Shanty; Ortiz; Gyr; Jones, R (1); Acosta; Jones, I; Napoléon; Wickett (1); Turk Parr; Brown
Q A Garifunya 5-4 W Smith, Z; Blue (1); Shanty (2); Ortiz; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta; Smith, A (1); Napoléon; Wickett; Turk (1) Skewes, A; Polgigga; Tannager
Q H Nephara 1-2 L Dunbar §; Blue §; Shanty; Ortiz; Gyr §; Jones, R (1); Acosta; Smith, A; Napoléon §; Wickett; Turk Grayse-Lennox; Cottle; Mbo
Q A Henzia 1-0 W Smith, Z©; Cottle; Shanty §; Skewes, A; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta (1); Smith, A; Grayse-Lennox; Wickett; Turk Polgigga; Gyr §; Skewes, EA
Q H Shmirnov 1-0 W Smith, Z©; Polgigga; Parr; Ortiz; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta (1); Jones, I §; Grayse-Lennox; Wickett; Turk Tannager; Hocking
Q A Brigantii 3-4 L Smith, Z; Polgigga; Parr; Ortiz; Jones, N (2); Jones, R; Acosta; Smith, A; Grayse-Lennox (1); Wickett; Mbo Blue; Hocking

Q A Northi Arabia 2-0 W Smith, Z©§; Blue; Parr (1)§; Ortiz; Jones, N; Jones, R §; Acosta; Hocking; Grayse-Lennox; Wickett; Mbo Dunbar; Brown
Q H Garifunya 3-1 W Dunbar §; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Jones, N §; Tannager §; Acosta §; Jones, I (1); G-Lennox (1); Wickett (1)§; Mbo Skewes, A; Hocking; Polgigga
Q A Nephara 1-2 L Smith, Z; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Brown; Jones, R; Skewes, EA (1); Jones, I; Grayse-Lennox; Hocking; Turk Dunbar; Parr
Q H Henzia 4-2 W Dunbar; Blue(1)§; Shanty; Skewes, A; Brown; Jones, R(1); Skewes, EA §; Jones, I; G-Lennox(1); Hocking; Turk(1) Cottle; Tannager
Q A Shmirnov 3-1 W Dunbar; Cottle; Shanty; Ortiz; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta; Jones, I (3); Grayse-Lennox; Smith, A; Turk Tannager; Mbo; Brown
Q H Brigantii 3-3 D Jones, G; Cottle; Parr; Brown (1); Jones, N; Tannager; Acosta; Jones, I §; Grayse-Lennox; Smith, A (2)§; Mbo Hocking; Turk

# Group 10 Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Nephara 12 9 3 0 28 12 +16 30Qualified
2 Bonesea 12 8 1 3 30 19 +11 25Play-Off
3 Garifunya 12 6 2 4 34 26 +8 20
4 Shmirnov 12 5 3 4 26 23 +3 18
5 Brigantii 12 4 4 4 27 22 +5 16
6 Northi Arabia 12 2 1 9 17 33 −16 7
7 Henzia 12 1 0 11 8 35 −27 3

Stage Venue Opponent Score R Line-Up Subs
Q-PO H Damukuni 1-1 D Smith, Z; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta; Hocking; Grayse-Lennox (1); Mbo; Turk Parr; Tannager
Q-PO A Damukuni 0-1 L Smith, Z; Blue; Parr §; Ortiz; Jones, N; Tannager; Acosta; Smith, A §; Grayse-Lennox; Wickett; Turk Napoléon; Gyr; Brown

Sporting a natty new muddy brown kit - more on that later - the former Purple Bruise, now known as The Sailors on account that the Brown Bruise or Skidmarks were not tremendously popular nicknames in a poll conducted by the Spit Rattle tabloid, started their second World Cup campaign in style with an impressive win over the anonymously disinterested Northi Arabians. After a disappointing final friendly defeat at home to the Guyabalense to open the new competition, and therefore with high hopes already slightly deflated, it was a welcome sight to see Conchobar 'The Conch' Wickett once more at his very best as he took command of the game and marshalled a seven-man strike force with the consummate self-belief of a striker at the very top of his game, and with each passing match he stretches his top scorer margin further away from the rest of the pack. Refusing to rest on their laurels after a magnificent run to the World Cup Final knockout stages last time out, coach Pythagoras was insistent on another high pressing, quick tempo, hard tackling, greasy churning and bawdy turn-of-phrasing approach to the game, completely overwhelming the startled Arabians from the outset. With near total dominance of possession, lots of chances, and The Conch terrorising the defence, it was a surprise it took so long to make the breakthrough. Quick goals in succession for lightning defender Shilling Blue from a corner and The Conch from a direct free kick just after the half hour mark practically killed the game dead; from then on it was something of a cat-and-mouse as The Sailors tacked with the wind and attacked like the wind for the rest of the game. Only a whole half of backs-to-the-wall defending from the Northiners prevented a cricket score, although there were, inevitably, the odd scare when Bonesea over-committed from time to time and got caught on a half-hearted break. Reskadinnick Jones, the coach's boy, capped a fine performance with a goal at the death as the exhausted visitors, clearly not happy with the late winter temperatures and a smattering of snow, could hold out no longer. The only blot on the landscape was Idless Jones' straight red card for a lumpy two-footed tackle which will see him miss the next three games. Expect to see Austin Smith get another chance to stake his claim as the third central striker. It's a voyage to Garifunya next before the big one - home to Nephara - and a chance to upset the apple cart again by taking a decent scalp at the Boldpark.

What began as an uninspiring contest between two sides apparently with lacklustre commitment to entertainment exploded to life in the second half and concluded in an explosive display of end to end football with one goal in mind: to have the last word. In the end the victory spoils went to The Sailors who held on through six minutes of nerve-wracking injury time for a hairline-thin winning margin; the ‘Garies will consider themselves unfortunate not to have got something out of the game, especially as they twice held the lead – and statistically, for the majority of the game they were in front – as well as seeing their siege of the Boney goal in those frantic final six minutes amount to three corners, once hitting the woodwork, once cleared off the line, one horrendous miss, a good penalty shout and, in the end, no final equaliser.

Midfielder Piotr Kenkhuis gave the home side an early lead against a distinctly off-colour Bonesea, but rather than press home their advantage to extend the lead, the ‘Garies seemed to decide an eleventh minute goal was probably defendable, and for a dire first half, they were quite right. The home coach Michel Bouwers and visiting coach Pythagoras Jones must have lit a few rockets and thrown a few tea cups, because both sides came out transformed in the second half. With nice attacking football from both sides, but little end product, the game really came alight around the hour mark as Boney half-back Marouaine Shanty hit his third goal for his adopted country from a set-piece, as the excellent Reskadinnick Jones, man of the match, lofted in a precision pass for Wånger to get his head on. Three minutes later, from a well worked corner kick, Shilling Blue got his second in as many games to put The Sailors in front. The lead lasted seconds, as the ‘Garies scored within 18 seconds of the restart through midfield Mamadou van der Linden to level things up again. It was a breathless passage of play but in fact was the warm up to the main act – an insane closing 20 minutes that started with wide man Nils Ledeboer putting the home side back in front with 12 minutes of regulation time to play.

At that point it was anyone’s game and there were clearly more goals to come. Four minutes after Ledeboer’s strike, Shanty came rampaging forward to get on the end of a Reskadinnick cross again, this time in open play, for his second headed goal – thus doubling his national tally in one game. At 3-3 with seven minutes to play, wonderkid Tuw Turk hit a superb solo goal after beating three defenders to put The Sailors out in front, and when striker Austin Smith hit a fifth for Bonesea in the last minute, it seemed like the visitors had sealed the deal and need only see the game out. The ‘Garies had other ideas, however, with Ledeboer once again hitting a quick goal from the restart – the Bonesfolk will doubtless be told by coach Pythagoras to curtail their goal celebrations somewhat, as this time it was only another 33 seconds from the kick-off before the Garifunyans had the ball in the back of the net – cueing a nail-biting six minutes of injury time for the boys in muddy brown.

Perhaps it shows the progress of the Bonesea national team over the last four Symmetrical Years that what would’ve been considered a surprisingly respectable narrow defeat to a world powerhouse when Pythagoras Jones got his first commission as team coach is now seen with as a rather disappointing opportunity to take control of the qualifying group. But that would take away from the fact that it was, after all, a world powerhouse of football, and it was, in fact, a respectable narrow defeat. Nephara are a damn fine footballing nation, even if they are a little lax with the security of their artistic treasures.

To be fair you couldn’t argue the result. The Cormorants took control of the game early with Claudia Cautcher’s seventh minute strike, and despite Reskadinnick Jones quickly resetting the balance a few minutes later, the visitors had complete control of the game, never allowing The Sailors time on the ball and holding possession comfortably for long frustrating periods. Once defender Calliope Katskalidis had put Nephara back in front just before half time, there didn’t ever look like any prospect of the home side coming back into the game.

Disaster struck for The Sailors just after the hour mark when Napoléon, who looked for much of the game like he was carrying an knock, went down under a heavy tackle and suffered a horror injury, breaking his leg and potentially ending his qualifying campaign. Young striker Ursell Grayse-Lennox made his national debut for The Sailors but was easily handled by the comfortable back four of The Cormorants, and will know he will have better games ahead of him. Coach Pythagoras Jones also gave a surprising debut to half back Lilian Mbo as he sought to change things around and perhaps throw a wild-card into the mix, knowing the Nepharans had done their homework and completely neutralised the home team in the second half. It was to no avail – The Sailors could not find a way back in. Coach Jones knows he’s got an uphill battle on his hands to win the group now, and will probably be looking to secure a play-off place, with Brigantii, beaten by Bonesea in the BoF semi-final last cycle, most likely to stand in their way.

Putting the disappointment of defeat at home to Nephara behind them, The Sailors took a voyage into the Asean region for a quiet and largely unremarkable appearance in Henzia, there to bag three points and briefly top group 10 with The Cormorants being held to a surprising draw against the vodka-snafflers of Shmirnov. Opting to sit back somewhat and counter on the break, but coming up against a rather unambitious Henzian home team, the game was punctuated only by Chilli-Bean Acosta’s second half goal and then two attempts by The Sailors to throw it all away with a reckless red card and a disastrous injury to PM Gyr.

Coach Pythagoras Jones opted to make changes for the game, three of them forced through injury with JK Cottle in for Shilling Blue, Zipper Smith back in after keeper Duald Dunbar picked up a strain in training, and a first international start for forward Ursell Grayse-Lennox in place of long-term absentee Napoléon and his snapped leg. Gyr and Ortiz were dropped to the bench and by the end of the game Gyr was surely wishing he had stayed there. In a game of few chances it was Mr. Reliable Chilli-Bean Acosta who got the breakthrough in the fiftieth minute with a speculative lob that surprised the Henzi keeper – embarrassed him might be a better description - in what proved to be the winning strike for Bonesea. While they had the undoubted quality in possession to extend the lead, they were down to ten men four minutes after the goal when Cottle, rattled by a sloppy Henzi tackle, lashed out and was immediately dismissed. Par Polgigga was brought on to the centreback role with Austin Smith, not having a great impact on the game, making way. Shortly afterward Gyr replaced the coach’s son Nobb Jones and after an impressive entrance pulled up suddenly under no pressure with a hamstring tear that will likely rule him out of the rest of qualifying, joining Napoléon in sick bay. With all substitutions made, The Sailors had to see out the remaining eleven minutes plus injury time with nine men, but the complete lack of interest from the home side ensured they were up to the task. Marouaine Shanty also went off injured to be replaced by Ansell Skewes and he will likely miss the next three games with a groin strain.

In a lively game of attacking intent, it was the lack of quality in front of goal that punctuated this slightly amateurish match between two sides who wouldn’t have looked out of place in a pre-Baptism sideshow like Copa Gaveo or the Slemb Invitational Cup (other quality minor tournaments are available). In the end Chilli-Bean Acosta’s late strike proved a winner in a watchable if not altogether finessed game of football. Tuw Turk’s straight red for a remark to the referee which must have been highly colourful or badly misunderstood took away one half of the game’s most exciting duo, with him combining so well up to that point with Reskadinnick Jones that they actually looked like a pair of semi-pros. Once he was gone, that thin slither of quality went with him. Bonesea will have better days and better games than this, but perhaps it’s a mark of a good cliché that they still managed to grind out a win whilst underperforming.

A tight and thrilling game of football at Warbury Stadium in Eborum saw Brigantii revive their flagging play-off hopes whilst putting a serious dent in The Sailors’ own aspirations, with a devastating ten minute spell midway through the first half proving the pivot in the game. Bonesea came into the game knowing they were going to get some rough treatment following their controversial BoF semi-final victory in Quebec four years ago, where the Purple Bruise, as Bonesea’s team had nicknamed themselves back then, lived up to their own billing and generally assaulted their way into the final and ultimately the runners-up spot. It was revenge for the All-Whites and doled out in a similar manner, with Bonesea out-muscled all across the park in a ‘spirited and competitive’ encounter. It all started so well for the Sailors, with young Ursell Grayse-Lennox scoring his first international goal in the sixth minute. But this time the Brigantii were not going to be bullied by their physical opponents and gave as much, and then more, than they got. Quick goals from Newell, McNamara and then Stevenson in an eight-minute blitz half way through the first period knocked the Sailors right out of their stride, and they never really got back into it. Nobb Jones pulled one back just after the hour mark but hopes of a comeback were immediately dampened when McNamara hit his second of the game for Brigantii to restore the two-goal advantage; when Jones hit his second, to win himself his first international brace and ultimately the Sailors’ man of the match award, it seemed to set up a grandstand finish, but a combination of Brigantii steel and the Sailors flagging energy levels never really put the final result in doubt.

Grayse-Lennox was a bright spot for Bonesea and unusually, Nobb outshone his brother Reskadinnick in a fine solo performance covering for long-term injury absentee PM Gyr. Lilian Mbo made his first international start but struggled to make an impact and was well marshalled by Jarred Stevenson. Young starlet Parr Polgigga was rather lost in the rough and tumble which is unusual for him – he usually enjoys the physicality of churning – but the forwards Winter and Irwin were too much for him, and he was eventually substituted for the more canny Shilling Blue. Conchobar Wickett once again had a quiet game, and is noticeably out of form, however the injury in the game to Austin Smith means coach Pythagoras Jones is thin on the ground with strikers and though The Conch could probably do with a rest, he probably isn’t going to get one.

Against a struggling and somewhat uncommitted Northi Arabia, the Sailors bounced back from disappointing defeat with a solid overall performance to secure a comfortable if routine victory away from home. It was a much improved showing although with The Conch still out of form and the young lads Hocking, Mbo and Grayse-Lennox still finding their feet, goals are somewhat hard to come by at the moment. Indeed half-back Deveral Parr hit the first and apparently winning goal to maintain a steady flow of goals from behind the forward seven through this campaign, suggesting that if the attacking two thirds of the team can get their act together, someone will be in for a tonking. Although the Arabians had very little to offer in this game, they didn’t get the overdue pasting the travelling five supporters and their dog Mahatma Overfelt were hoping for. The two Arabian fans in attendance made it a fiercely mundane and drab affair on the terrace, although one has to bless them for trying: clearly, there is virtually no interest at all in football in Northi Arabia from either the public or their anonymous team. The biggest impact on the game was from their ponderous defender nicknamed Arab Strap by the Bonesea Bruise Army supporters, who put through his own net in the dying seconds of the game to double a lead that was slim but never in any danger of being eradicated.

Tougher games await the Sailors – and the in-form Garifunya are up next: they are dangerously close to Bonesea in the play-off spot and after a chaotic and highly entertaining win for the Sailors in Frederykvil at the start of the campaign, this looks like a six-pointer in the qualification cycle. After that is an almost hopeless trip to Nephara – a hot tip to win back their title - so putting a bit of distance between themselves and their nearest rivals will be essential.

The Sailors won a hard-fought key victory on home soil to put a little distance between them and their nearest rivals for the play-off spot ahead of near-certain defeat in their next fixture, which they hope will keep them in second place as long as they don’t give up all of a four goal advantage on the emergent Shmirnov, their BoF foes. It could not have started any worse for The Sailors with Ledeboer giving the visitors a first half lead in a tightly contested and highly physical game, threatening to tear up the Bonesea campaign. Two quick replies close to the hour mark swung the game back for the Sailors, and Idless Jones’ late third sealed the deal. The home side finished the game with ten men after all three subs were used for injuries, and will lose key players in Chilli-Bean Acosta, the impressive Nobb Jones, and main striker Conchobar Wickett, who was back in stunning form as he bagged his first goal in seven games for his county. That is bad news ahead of the visit to Nephara, and the Sailors will be hard pressed to get anything out of that. But this was the game to win – and that has been done. Bonesea will be looking next at Shmirnov as another play-off spot rival but face three crucial games after Nephara that Coach Pythagoras Jones will be looking for maximum points from.

In a game the Sailors had little hope of getting anything from, they certainly acquitted themselves well to demonstrate that Boney international football is looking healthy, even if the squad really isn’t at the moment. With key players in Chilli-Bean Acosta and Conchobar Wickett out, this was always going to be an uphill task, and going down to ten men with a straight red for keeper and captain Zipper Smith right on the cusp of half time really made it an impossible task to get anything from the tie at all. And yet the Sailors were in with a shout right up to the final whistle, and The Cormorants will know they were in a game – they may have walked the group, but they didn’t get a walkover here and that is all you can ask.

The first half was a conservative and tactical game of bluff and counter-bluff, both sides probing but cautious, and the seven-man forward line was deep for much of the half. The clearest chance for the visitors fell to Ursell Grayse-Lennox in the 41st minute when Tuw Turk stranded Vyntra in no-mans-land with a superb dummy, and hit a low hard cross to the young striker with keeper Justinian Hargreave, heart in mouth, surprisingly flapping at the ball and misjudging its pace. Ursell more or less had an open goal to aim for, but dinked the ball onto the cross-bar and over. Four minutes later the Cormorants had the lead with their first clear opportunity, with neat work between the front two leaving Penumbra Amokachi in a one on one with Zipper Smith. Like his opposite number five minutes earlier, he made a complete hash of it, but took out Amokachi in the process. The referee had no choice but to red card the Captain, and the first job for Duald Dunbar, coming on for struggling striker Ogden Hocking, was to pick the ball out of the net after it had been comfortably blasted past him by Elaine Ashdown.

If anyone thought the game was over at that point, they were wrong. Recovering nicely from the blow just before the break and organising effectively whilst a man down, The Sailors came out fighting, and the game opened up considerably for a thoroughly entertaining second half. Goals were obviously coming and you might have bet on a split of five or six the way both sides went at it. Close to the hour mark Nephara put considerable distance between them and their dogged visitors when left back Hyacinth Surman finished off a goal-mouth scramble from a corner to double the Cormorants lead, but any thoughts of game-over were soon dismissed three minutes later as EA Skewes bagged his first international goal, getting on the end of a Turk reverse pass to pull the Sailors back into the game. From there on it was a hammer and tongs affair, and could have led to either side getting a brace or more; it says something about the Bonesea contribution that the home pundits awarded Nepharim keeper Justinian Hargrave the player of the match award.

Nephara to win the World Cup? We think so. Only Farfadillis can stop them, in our book. Bonesea to reach the finals? We hope so.

The Sailors got back to winning ways in emphatic style and pushed themselves to within one victory of a second consecutive play-off appearance. They may even qualify on their bye day if Garifunya lose at home to Nephara – and the way the Cormorants are bossing the group it is a distinct possibility. Two more performances like this one will at any rate surely yield the required points, as Coach Pythagoras Jones went for the kill and – bar two mistakes which really make the scoreline deceptively two-sided – this was a complete display from Bonesea and they will go into the lay-off with a cracker under their belts: this could have been double-digits if not for some profligate striking and quite a lot of woodwork – The Sailors hit the cross bar and post at each end during the game, and were virtually camped in the opposition half for most of the match.

Shilling Blue, magnificent again at centreback and pushing for player of the year in the national squad, hit his third goal of the campaign after twenty minutes, finishing off a training-ground move from a corner kick with a thirty yard unstoppable strike: it had been coming since kick-off. Ten minutes later another of the star turns, Reskadinnick Jones, hit a second after neat work from inside forward EA Skewes, who had a near-flawless game covering for Chilli-Bean Acosta. The Henzies caused something of a shock close to half-time when, on virtually their first foray into opposition territory, they forced an unnecessary corner when Ansell Skewes, who otherwise had a terrific night, needlessly put behind from a pass-back having lost track of his keeper and his position. From the resulting cross, a Henzi defender who we are calling Whiplash on account of his over-long neck, found himself unmarked in the box on the end of a surprisingly accurate cross, to pull one back for the team in cerise and taupe. Any thoughts of a revival were quickly dashed young Ursell Grayse-Lennox hit a missile with the last kick of the half to restore a two goal lead, after great build-up work and a fine assist from EA Skewes.

The second half started the way the first ended – with Bonesea having to restore a two-goal lead after another farcical moment at the back. In an almost comical show of sympathy for the otherwise hopeless Henzies, Ringbill Brown made a preposterously unsighted passback to his keeper which entirely flummoxed Duald Dunbar, hit a post, bounced back of the panicking keeper as he dived for the pass, bobbled up in the air as Shilling Blue raced back to save the day and bounced awkwardly off him so that his powerful clearance sliced right into the face of the onrushing Henzi winger - who we are calling Trunk on account of him appearing to have a little too much junk in it – and while he went down like a lead balloon pretending to have been shot, the ball rebounded goalward; Duald and Shilling got tangled up in each other attempting to block it, and the ball dribbled sheepishly over the line, almost apologising as it went in. The crowd immediately saw the funny side, as did defender Shilling Blue and a couple of the comedians in the team, but keeper Duald Dunbar, not known for his even keel, flew into a fury Ringbill Brown and the two had to be separated while the Henzoes celebrated and the crowd roared with laughter.

Winger Tew Turk got on the end of a third EA Skewes assist to once more open the gap just five minutes later with everyone just beginning to settle back down after such hilarity. The rest of the game was complete dominance from The Sailors with the visitors unable to get even the slightest sight of goal after that, although one desperate attempt from the half-way line by the player we are calling Ponzi - not on account of him trying to kid everyone he was an international footballer but because he tried one too many step-overs – must count as a shot on target even though Duald Dunbar trapped it with his left foot while appearing to lean on his goalpost polishing his water bottle. Bonesea, for their part, could not add goals to the tactical and territorial rout, but will be buoyed by their performance going into the break and the two key matches to come. The game ended miserably for the Henzmen with their defender Elmer Fudd (as we call him, for obvious reasons) being sent off after a second yellow for time-wasting (for less obvious reasons).

Play-offs achieved… and no CTE jiggery-pokery required this time: Shmirnov were dispatched with consummate professionalism to ensure a place in the extension games and the hope now will be for a favourable draw to allow progression into the finals in the irradiated war-torn region of Wigmore1. Idless Jones got himself in the record books with the first international hatrick for Bonesea, hitting all three goals and earning himself a standing ovation when coach Pythagoras substituted him in the last minute to honour his achievement, while the whole team survived without any major injury scares going into the final straight, although the coach will want to rest key players in the Brigantii dead rubber, to ensure maximum strength for the play-offs when he can also expect returns from injury for Conchobar Wickett and PM Gyr. There were also encouraging performances in this game from stand-in centreback JK Cottle, who seems to get either injured or sent off every time he plays for his country but avoided both on this occasion, and from Nobb Jones who really has grown into his role in this campaign.

Despite a dominant showing from start to finish with considerable possession all the way through, the Bonesfolk found themselves behind against the run of play early in the game when Maks Yercič caught the otherwise excellent JK Cottle knapping and made enough space for himself after a long ball up to take a sublime shot at goal, beating Duald Dunbar with ease. Idless Jones equalised twenty minutes later after sustained pressure and the sides went in level at the break, with the Kings knowing they had got off lightly after contributing little else after their goal. In the second half it was all one way traffic as the home side tried to dig in for the draw, something they had done well in a couple of decent performances against other higher rated sides, but Bonesea – and Idless Jones – were not to be denied, with two late goals to secure the win and that extended stay in the competition.

Bonesea played out a formality at home to Brigantii and as form suggested between these two closely matched teams (although one has enjoyed the rub of the green and the other – the visitors – definitely haven’t) it was a tied game all day long. That is not to say it wasn’t a belter: both sides went hammer and tong for the result and the upshot of that was a hugely entertaining game. A much-changed Bonesea side went behind early with JK Cottle becoming only the second player in the Sailors’ short history to score an own-goal when his panicked back-pass under pressure skipped right past an unprepared Godfrey Jones making his national debut in goal – not the most auspicious start to his international career. Jared Stevenson made it two shortly afterward and for a while there it looked like the Sailors were in for a tonking. But the boys rallied well just before half time with two quick goals from player-of-the-match Ringbill Brown and Austin Smith levelled things off nicely going into the break, though it was perhaps a little fortunate for the home side. Smith scored a second midway through the second half to put an improved Bonesea in front for the first time, but they were unable to hold the lead for anything but the shortest time, when Stevenson hit his second from the penalty spot after young sub Lennox Whitaker had been pulled down in the box.

Coach Pythagoras will have been pleased not to have lost this game when fielding such an inexperienced side, but there will be disappointment that two of his wiser heads will be out next game after picking up injuries. Austin Smith and Idless Jones will be severely missed, at least for the first leg of the play-offs, with the coach’s striking options further reduced with Napoléon and Conchobar Wickett remaining sidelined for the time being.

The Sailors will have to overcome the odds to qualify for a second straight World Cup finals after a poor show characterised by nervous ineffectiveness in what was probably the most pressurised game they have competed in since reaching the Baptism of Fire final – and even then, there was zero expectation of success. This was different: probably for the first time in five years of international football, Bonesea might have thought themselves potential favourites for the tie. Now, they are back to being outsiders again and that may suit them better.

It could have been so much worse. From just after the half hour mark, Bonesea were behind and not playing well. Joni Butler had given the visitors a deserved lead and only a late late Ursell Grayse-Lennox equaliser preserved some hope for the Sailors going into the second leg. Grayse-Lennox was a bright spot in an otherwise poor showing, the inexperienced central forward three unable to capitalise on possession and the rest of the team seeming to lose confidence as a result. The loss of Marouaine Shanty to a horror injury after only twenty minutes seemed to be the key moment in knocking the Sailors out of their stride, and it was something they never managed to recover. Reskadinnick Jones panicked in the box under pressure from a corner to put Shikoku Endo on the deck and was sent off, thus missing the next game. Zipper Smith did magnificently to save Ayala bat Noa’s penalty kick but could do nothing as Butler reacted first to the loose ball to put the visitors in front. With Bonesea down to ten men Damukuni shut up shop and victory looked certain until Grayse-Lennox pulled it out of the bag with his 85th-minute strike. All to play for…

The Sailors will hope for a Cup of Almost invitation after a disappointing World Cup exit at the Hidden Palace Resort Field, Eruguchi, despite a much improved performance on the rabbit-in-the-headlights showing at The Boldpark in the earlier leg of this tie. As has been a common story for Bonesea over the past six years of international football, they have looked a much better prospect on the road than they do at home. And yet, for all that, they still lost this tie by dint of defeat here at the Hidden Palace by a Jannie-Aurelia Jones goal on the hour for which they had no reply. The joy at having Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett back in the starting line-up with his strike partner Napoléon also coming to the bench – they have not formed their deadly partnership since Napoléon’s shattering injury in the third qualifying match almost a year ago, and boy has the national side missed that – was short lived as Austin Smith limped off with the game less than ten minutes old, a familiar story as the coach has had almost continuous injury problems with the forward line-up throughout this campaign.

That is not an excuse, however. And nor is the fact that the damned Ukuni authorities switched the venue at the very last minute, thus preventing any Bonesea fans from attending the game and lending their considerable support to proceedings. All seven supporters were instead trapped in bars in East Bay, West Bay and University City in what appears to be a calculated ‘divide and rule’ approach; the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn is considering a complaint to the NSWC authorities in HQ City, wherever that is; although they have little faith in that Jaffacake fellow, him being an Aoan and all. The truth is that despite a close game and a generally better one than the draw in Spittalsea, the central three of the forward line were completely ineffective – The Conch looked completely off the pace and not ready to return, and similarly Napoléon, who must have entered the game far earlier than Coach Pythagoras had hoped when he replaced Austin Smith on 8 minutes, was not at the races all afternoon. Even the discovery of the cycle, young Ursell Grayse-Lennox, had a poor game by his already high standards. Despite some decent possession The Sailors were unable to carve out any real gilt-edged chances and when Jannie-Aurelia popped up for her goal, you could see the Bonesea boys were a beaten team.

Coach Pythagoras will regroup for competitive football next year, hopefully returning to Quebec for the Cup of Almosts after a fine time there in the Baptism of Maybes five years ago. But who will make the cut? Will he go in a different direction? We’ll take a look at the squad performances in World Cup qualifying below. But what of Pythagoras himself? Well, he is much loved at home for where he has taken this squad in such a short space of time, and the generally bizarre brand of churning he likes to play which is still throwing off a lot of opponents – his win rate remains over 60%, fantastic for a small nation of complete amateurs who don’t even play by the same rules in their domestic game. But there has been some criticism that he named a squad of 25 at the beginning of the campaign and stuck with it even through deep injury crisis, as if it was a tournament squad, even playing players out of position at times when he was extremely short on personnel. There was no reason for him not to draft in additional replacements and although the nation is not awash with international talent, he surely ought to have been more flexible. He claims he ‘didn’t realise’ – typical comic Pythagoras – and in his defence has named a development group of 12 players in addition to his 25 for the upcoming friendlies against Ceni (so we will get there, after all!), Devonta and Kosovakia.
On indefinite hiatus with pressing RL adventures
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{BOLDSPORT} Cup of Harmony '68

Postby Bonesea » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:24 am


Royal Kingdom of Quebec & Schottia
In the Bonesea year SB-577

After a disappointing exit at the play-off stage in which nerves got the better of players expected to progress to the World Cup finals in Ceni & Electrum, Coach Pythagoras Jones and his team battened down the hatches and set sail for a stormy debut in the Cup of Harmony, aided and abetted - as it turned out - by the prevailing weather conditions which were very much to the advantage of the far northerners: Big Storm continued to rage in Quebec six years on from the Baptism of Fire, and the unbelievably cold conditions suited the Sailors just fine, as they won six consecutive victories to reach the Cup of Harmony final thrilling fashion. Taking on the hosts Schottia in their own national stadium, Bonesea won an absolute thriller of a game 5-4 in extra time to claim their first title of any description. It came with the rise to striking power of Idless Jones, and the full fruition of Coach Pythagoras' 1-2-7 attacking principles, and saw the Sailors sneak inside the top twenty at the end of the second cycle. That may change after the recalculation of ranking points once the next Baptism of Fire is complete but as it stands Bonesea will likely be in Pot 1 come the World Cup qualifying draw, and will look for a good run to the finals should that be the case. If not, there is always the Cup of Harmony again...

MVP: Marouaine Shanty
Top Scorer: Idless Jones 6 in 7 games
Record: P7 W7 D0 L0 F25 A13
Rank: 20 (up 6 from 26)

Stage	Venue	Opponent		Score	R	Line-Up														Subs
Group N-RKQ Kalumba 2-0 W Dunbar©; Blue; Shanty; Brown; Jones, N §; Jones, R; Acosta (1); Jones, I (1); Grayse-Lennox §; Wickett; Turk Napoléon; Drake §; Skewes, EA
G N-RKQ Kaboomlandia 4-3 W Dunbar §; Blue; Shanty; Ortiz; Skewes, EA (1); Jones, R; Acosta (1); Jones, I (1); Napoléon; Wickett (1); Mbo § Brown; Smith, Z ; Tannager
G N-RKQ Gadirya 4-3 W Smith, Z; Blue; Shanty (1); Ortiz §; Jones, N (1)§; Jones, R; Acosta ; Jones, I (1); Napoléon (1); Wickett; Turk Skewes, EA; Brown;

# Group E Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bonesea 3 3 0 0 10 6 +4 9
2 Kaboomlandia 3 2 0 1 7 4 +3 6
3 Gadirya 3 0 1 2 3 6 −3 1
4 Kalumba 3 0 1 2 0 4 −4 1

Stage Venue Opponent Score R Line-Up Subs
R-16 N-RKQ Hasznia 6-3 W Smith, Z; Blue §; Shanty; Brown; Jones, N; Tannager; Acosta; Jones, I (1); Napoléon (3); Wickett (1); Turk (1) Parr; Cottle; Gulbrandsen §
QF N-RKQ Anglatia 3-2 W Smith, Z §; Cottle §; Shanty (1) §; Brown; Jones, N (1); Jones, R; Acosta; Jones, I; Napoléon; Wickett; Turk Grayse-Lennox
SF N-RKQ Matthewsiania 1-0 W Jones, G©; Polgigga; Parr; Brown; Skewes, EA §; Jones, R; Acosta; Jones, I (1); Napoléon; Wickett; Turk Gulbrandsen; Skewes, A
Final N-SCH Scottia 5-4x W Jones, G; Cottle; Shanty; Brown; Jones, N; Jones, R; Acosta; Jones, I (1); Napoléon (1); Wickett (2); Turk (1) Parr; Grayse-Lennox; Polgigga

Cup of Harmony Group F Match 2

Bonesea 2-0 Kalumba HT: 0-0
@ Iqualuit Arena, Iqualuit

Scorers: Acosta ('59), Jones, I ('79)
Attendance: 37,927 (9 from Bonesea - well done Boneys)

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-KAL

Dunbar [8.5] YY Possession (%) 55/45
Blue [6.5] Shots 10-11
Shanty [8.9]* (Player of the match) On target 3-3
Brown [5.5] Pass Compl (%) 83-64
Jones, N [6.9] + YY Corners 10-1
Jones, R [7.2] YY Fouls 17-14
Acosta [8.2] (Goal: ’59) Yellow cards 5-3
Jones, I [8.3] (Goal: ’79) Red cards 1-0
Grayes-Lennox [8.1] +
Wickett [7.9]
Turk [6.9] YY RR(’88)

Napoléon [5.9] sub: Grayse-Lennox ’27
Drake [7.9] + sub: Jones, N ’41
Skewes, EA [ - ] sub: Drake ‘72

The Sailors secured a valuable opening win against the potential banana skin of Kalumba, but finished the game reduced to ten men and will face the next game without key inside forward Tuw Turk following his two yellow cards. There were also minor knocks for Nobb Jones and Ursell Grayse-Lennox, while Silian Drake came off the bench to make his competitive debut only to suffer a nasty sprain following a crunching tackle which will rule him out of the rest of the tournament, however long it takes for the rest of the team to get themselves eliminated. On the evidence of this controlled but not wholly convincing victory, the Sailors will have to be sharper in front of goal, but overall possession and chances created were high and the result rarely looked in doubt. Despite good pressure in the first half Bonesea were unable to break down the lime green defence and cut a frustrated jib as they went into the rest period, slightly forced out of shape by two substitutions. Ursell went first just before the half-hour mark with a dead-leg from which he didn’t seem able to recover, to be replaced by Napoléon; and just before the half was up, Nobb Jones game was done after a collision with Kalumban fullback Vincent Mkure, resulting in a concussion substitution with Silian Drake coming on. He lasted until the 78th minute when the Kalumban captain Duncan Edward flattened him, for which he earned a yellow card. Tuw Turk obviously felt that was a little lenient and took a booking for suggesting so to the ref, perhaps not using the best turn of phrase available to him. By then Bonesea had taken a deserved lead on the hour mark when Turk had set up the captain Chilli-Bean Acosta for a far-post tap in to put The Sailors in command. After Silian Drake’s removal, EA Skewes came on to take the subsequent free-kick which was delivered inch-perfect onto the head of Idless Jones, who rose and floated like a slim, athletic, Scandinavian-looking air-balloon to power home the second. There was no way back then for Kalumba as The Sailors took control of their qualification destiny.

Cup of Harmony Group F Match 2

Kaboomlandia 3-4 Bonesea HT: 1-4
@ Iqualuit Arena, Iqualuit

Scorers: Allard (’27, ’67) Libin (’79) /
Skewes, EA (‘1) Wickett (’16) Acosta (’29) Jones. I (’39)

Attendance: 41,009 with full Boney travellers attendance (9)

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-KAB

Dunbar [5.3] + Possession (%) 64/36
Blue [7.8] Shots 18-10
Shanty [7.6] On target 10-6
Ortiz [8.7]* (Player of the match) Pass Compl (%) 75-74
Skewes, EA [8.5] (Goal: ’1) Corners 8-6
Jones, R [7.5] Fouls 13-9
Acosta [8.3] (Goal: ’29) Yellow cards 0-4
Jones, I [8.0] (Goal: ’39) Red cards 0
Napoléon [5.9]
Wickett [8.0] (Goal: ’16)
Mbo [7.9] + Injuries Severity

Brown [ - ] sub: Shanty ’73 Mbo 12 weeks
Tannager [ - ] sub: Mbo ’79 Dunbar 10 weeks
Smith, Z [ - ] Sub: Dunbar ‘87

The Sailors bagged qualification to the knockout stages of the Cup of Almost with a win over the Boomers despite a late scare and two bad injuries that rule Lilian Mbo and Duald Dunbar out of the rest of the competition. The game seemed pretty much in the bag with a dominant first half performance, EA Skewes getting Bonesea off to a flyer with a goal in 34 seconds from a series of quick interchanges from kick-off and Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett putting distsnce between the sides on the quarter-hour mark with a headed goal from a fine Lilian Mbo corner. When the Phoenix hit one back from a Rene Allard penalty after half an hour, following a rather creative interpretation of handball from the ref against Shilling Blue in the box, the Sailors were resilient enough not to panic, restoring their two goal advantage just two minutes later. Captain Chilli-Bean Acosta dug out an optimistic cross into a crowded penalty area from Skua Ortiz, following up on the second ball after a corner clearance, and managed to hit the target at full stretch. The game was seemingly killed off just before the break from an incisive Bonesea counter-attack, EA Skewes combining well with Idless Jones before the latter hit home his second of the tournament to put The Sailors 4-1 up and apparently out of sight.

Bonesea eased off in the second half and almost paid the price for it. After a period of strong Bonesea possession at the start of the half, the Boomers began to threaten as the pace dropped, and Allard hit his and his team’s second from a corner needlessly given away by Napoléon lurking too deep in his own half in the search for some time on the ball. Even then there seemed no reason to panic, until what seemed a comical flop from Lilian Mbo in possession, unchallenged, led to a stray ball being picked up by Diana Libin who was grateful to smash a third goal into the back of the net and set up a tense final ten minutes. Lilian, for his part, did not get up and was stretchered off, with it being announced later he had popped a flange in his left spatula and will miss the rest of the tournament. Bonesea held out for the victory, but not before a final scare in the 87th minute when Duald Dunbar, in attempting to waste some time with the Sailors under intense pressure, tried to hoof the ball into – and perhaps beyond – row Z only succeeding in smashing the ball into the back of the head of Marouaine Shanty. The ball pinged back at Dunbar who was blind-sided as he turned away, the ball striking him on the side of the face. Now whilst it must have stung a bit in the ridiculously cold temperatures – minus 45 again thanks to Big Storm – it was by no means a serious injury-threatening impact. But the surprise of it, since Duald didn’t see it coming, was great enough that he apparently slapped himself in the face instinctively as if he’d been fly-bombed by a small Bonesea Winter Midge, and in so doing detached his retina and will miss the rest of the tournament, sitting it out with both Lilian Mbo (spatula flange) and Silian Drake (broken furnarius).

Cup of Harmony Group F Match 3

Bonesea 4-3 Gadirya HT: 2-0
@ Iqaluit Arena, Iqualuit

Scorers: Jones, N (‘3) Jones, I (’12) Napoléon (’63) Shanty (’83) /
Tuma (’58) Héroux (’74) Calvet (‘90+2)

Attendance: 33,543 (full ticket allocation to Bonesea taken up – 9)

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-GAD

Smith, Z [7.0] YY Possession (%) 58/42
Blue [8.1] Shots 18-9
Shanty [8.2]* (PoM; Goal: ’83) On target 10-6
Ortiz [6.6] + Pass Compl (%) 74-74
Jones, N [7.3] + (Goal: ‘3) Corners 3-5
Jones, R [6.4] YY Fouls 8-6
Acosta [6.4] Yellow cards 3-4
Jones, I [7.4] (Goal: ’12) Red cards 0
Napoléon [6.5] (Goal: ’63)
Wickett [7.9]
Turk [6.3] Injuries Severity

Skewes, EA [6.3] YY sub: Jones, N ’46 Jones, N minor
Brown [ - ] sub: Ortiz ’79 Ortiz 5 weeks

Bonesea completed a group stage clean-sweep with another action-packed thriller against struggling Baptism of Fire champions Gadirya, for whom this Cup of Almost has come at the end of a long haul through the cycle – but they showed no signs of fatigue after battling toe-to-toe with the Sailors through most of the game. It was the perfect start for Bonesea with Nobb Jones and Idless Jones – no relation – putting the Sailors out in front early and looking like it might be a tempest unleashed on the sinking Gaddies. But the inundation never happened, Gadirya steadied their ship, and the rest of the game proved a chess match of attacking football with neither side able to keep the upper hand. In the end, those first twelve minutes proved decisive: Bonesea’s roaring start put them too far out to catch. Already assured of a place in the last 16, the Sailors ensured they were top qualifiers of the Quebeçois half, and second over all only to hosts Schottia on the other side of the draw.

Hanbal Tuma pulled the Gaddies back into the game on the hour mark, heading in from a neatly worked corner to give the outsiders brief hope of getting a result after competing well for most of the game. Napoléon restored the two-goal buffer five minutes later, topping off a neat counter-attack when the Gaddies overplayed their hand in pursuit of an equaliser. But they weren’t quelled by the third goal, with veteran striker Michel Héroux showing no signs of his age to pull back a second for Gadirya with fifteen minutes remaining. Once again the Sailors had an answer for it, with Marouaine Shanty, player of the match and having the tournament of his life, made it 4-2 with seven minutes to go, effectively killing the game and ensuring Bonesea’s perfect treble in the group. Gadiryan captain Gérard Calvet’s late late strike was more or less the last kick of the game and proved only a consolation, but the real consolation for the defeated BoF winners was news that Kalumba had gone down to Kaboomlandia, while in group E Devonta and 95X had tied, ensuring the Gaddies would take a place in the last 16. For the Sailors, that was already guaranteed at the beginning of the game, but a win ensured a supposedly more favourable tie with Hasznia. The only shadow on the game was the unnecessary booking of Reskadinnick Jones, his second of the tournament, which means he sits out the Round of 16 tie with a one-game suspension.

Cup of Harmony Round of Sixteen

Bonesea 6-3 Hasznia HT: 3-3
@ California City Memorial Coliseum, California City

Scorers: Napoléon (‘8, 15, 75) Wickett (’33) Jones, I (’63) Turk (’66)
Pearson (’12, 40) Holloway (’35)

Attendance: 52,873 (including 9 Bonesfolk) – a record crowd for The Sailors

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-HAZ

Smith, Z [9.0] Possession (%) 59/41
Blue [8.7] + YY RR Shots 24-11
Shanty [9.0] YY On target 13-5
Brown [8.9] Pass Compl (%) 82-64
Jones, N [9.8] YY Corners 4-5
Tannager [9.1] Fouls 16-9
Acosta [8.5] Yellow cards 5-2
Jones, I [9.1] (Goal: ’63) Red cards 1-0
Napoléon [9.8]* (PoM; Goals: ‘8, 15, 75)
Wickett [9.4] (Goal: ’33)
Turk [9.7] (Goal: ’66) Injuries Severity

Parr [9.5] sub: Brown ’51 Blue 11 weeks
Cottle [ - ] YY sub: Blue ’72 Gulbrandsen 1 game
Gulbrandsen [ - ] + sub: Napoléon ‘80

The Sailors served up another helping of crazy football with the determined philosophy of ‘we don’t care how many we concede, as long as we score one more’ – or three, in this case. Ask centreback Shilling Blue though, and he will probably tell you he does care about the defensive aspect, judging by his sending off in the 72nd minute. By then Bonesea had conceded three but hit five, with another one in the pipeline thanks to Napoléon’s hat-trick, making him the second player after Idless Jones to hit three in a game. Two of those came in a frantic first half, with the former Quebeçois playing on home soil and scoring early as The Sailors stormed into a 3-1 lead, only to allow the White Suns back into it with two late goals, finishing a thrilling first half all-tied. After his first which came from getting on the end of a brilliant Tuw Turk low cross, Doyle Pearson hit his first of two for the Suns within four minutes. But Napoléon struck back immediately with his second to restore the lead and signal a frantic game to come. The Conch hit a third for Bonesea just after the half hour before the late first half collapse, defender Ellis Holloway and Pearson with goals to put Hasznia right back in the mix.

A second half storm by the Sailors won the game and a quarterfinal place for Bonesea, with Idless Jones concluding a long period of pressure just after the hour to put them back in front, and Tuw Turk within four minutes hit a fifth goal to restore the two goal margin. Napoléon hit his historic hat-trick with fifteen minutes left and was soon after withdrawn to a standing ovation, but not before Bonesea had lost key man Shilling Blue in bizarre circumstances minutes before the sixth goal. Crashed into unnecessarily by Pearson after a long night of heated exchanges between the two, Shilling went down like a sack of Bonesea turnips and was clearly very badly hurt. Whilst writhing about on the ground he was apparently booked for simulation, which riled him even more after patently looking furious with his opponent for the clumsy tackle. When the referee gave the free-kick the way of the White Suns despite a blatant foul on the Bonesea centreback, and refused to acknowledge the foul as Shilling Blue was carried off on a stretcher, the defender took further umbrage and remonstrated from the stretcher with the referee and the opponent Pearson. He was booked again and subsequently red carded as he was carried away. Clearly the local ref had been on the local toxins. Clueless.

Cup of Harmony Quarter-Final

Bonesea 3-2 Anglatia HT: 0-1
@ California City Memorial Coliseum, California City

Scorers: Grier (OG, ’48) Shanty (’77) Jones, N (’79) /
Espina (’11) Santana (’69)

Attendance: 57,236 (including 9 Bonesfolk) – another new record crowd for The Sailors

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-ANG

Smith, Z [7.9] + Possession (%) 51/49
Cottle [8.9] + * (Player of the Match) Shots 16-11
Shanty [8.0] + (goal: ’77) On target 7-5
Brown [8.7] Pass Compl (%) 81-67
Jones, N [7.0] YY (goal: ’79) Corners 4-7
Jones, R [6.7] Fouls 15-4
Acosta [8.8] Yellow cards 4-1
Jones, I [6.7] YY Red cards 0
Napoléon [6.7] YY
Wickett [6.6]
Turk [6.6] Injuries Severity

Polgigga [ - ] sub: Cottle ’71 Smith, Z 3 games
Grayse-Lennox [ - ] YY sub: Napoléon ’74 Cottle 1 game
Shanty 1 game

The Sailors left it late, late, late this time around to edge past Anglatia, who rightly looked entirely aggrieved at the end of a hard-fought and close tie which they feel they probably did enough to win. Ultimately it was their indiscipline in possession – with a 67% pass-rate completion – which undid them, together with a bit of grit from Bonesea and an awful lot of good fortune. The favourites were behind for long parts of this game and the tournament looked to be getting away from them until a rally in the last fifteen minutes got them over the line, with the defensive trio proving match-winners when the seven-man forward party could not find the final touch. Outstanding performances from Zipper Smith, JK Cottle and Marouaine Shanty won the day for Bonesea but were tempered by injuries to each of them – Zipper finished the game with a fractured occidiscus which ends his tournament and leaves coach Pythagoras Jones with one fit keeper, JK Cottle came off with a sprained agava ovata and Marouaine tweaked his candidum again. All the injuries cam late in the game and will be a disappointment to the coach, who claimed the Angies went over the top in once they had finally fallen behind – something usually directed the other way and as ever it was, to be fair, the Sailors guilty of most of the rough stuff on the day.

Kaden Espina gave Anglatia a deserved first half lead and they never looked troubled as the forward seven for the Sailors struggled to get out of the starting blocks. Idless Jones, scorer in every round of this competition until now, could not find the right connection, with Napoléon and Conchobar Wickett also struggling. The Conch had the only clear chance of the half and blasted over with time on the ball and only the keeper to beat. The Sailors caught a real break early in the second half when centre back Hector Grier, under no pressure, lost track of his positioning and made an horrendous pass back to his keeper that was nowhere near its intended destination and dribbled into the back of the net for an undeserved Bonesea equaliser not long after the second half kick-off. Anglatia continued to dominate and Jenna Santana put them back in front just past the hour mark with a well-taken free-kick, and you could not at that point see any other result than a Boney defeat. They had not been at the races at all. But things changed with the introduction of Ursell Grayse-Lennox in the 74[sip]th[/sup] minute, his athleticism and enthusiasm changing the pace for Bonesea and forcing Anglatia onto the back foot for the first time in the game. Within three minutes the Sailors had won a brace of corners and from the second one Marouaine Shanty, already carrying an injury, headed home a second equaliser. Confidence in the Anglatian side suddenly appeared brittle as they immediately wilted, Nobb Jones hitting a third and ultimately the winner for the Sailors two minutes later, with Ursell Grayse-Lennox and Idless Jones having further chances to extend the lead. Anglatia were mentally beaten from the moment of Shanty’s goal and although Bonesea failed to add to the one-goal lead, there was never any coming back from it for the Angies. Bonesea have at least ensured themselves two more games in the Cup of Almost.

Cup of Harmony Semi-Final

Bonesea 1-0 MatthewsianiaHT: 0-0
@ Iqaluit Arena, Iqaluit

Scorers: Jones, I

Attendance: 65,387 – so many people for a cold day up north; 9 of them from Bonesea

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-MTT

Jones, G [7.4] Possession (%) 64/36
Polgigga [7.7] Shots 12-10
Parr [5.6] On target 5-3
Brown [6.7] Pass Compl (%) 82-73
Skewes, EA [6.4] + Corners 8-3
Jones, R [8.6] Fouls 15-9
Acosta [8.7]* (Player of the Match) Yellow cards 1-1
Jones, I [7.4] (Goal: ’64) Red cards 0
Napoléon [6.7]
Wickett [7.7]
Turk [8.3] Injuries Severity

Gulbrandsen [6.0] sub: Wickett ’51 Wickett minor
Skewes, A [8.5] YY sub: Skewes, EA ’64 Skewes, EA 2 games

Idless Jones hit the goal that sends Bonesea into another final via a sparkling tournament campaign in Royal Quebec a mere six years – by the Bonesea calendar – since the last time they were here. It was far from a sparkling game however as nerves seemed to get the better of both sides and a cagey game provided for dull watching – probably to the great disappointment of the local public who had enjoyed watching the chaotic swashbuckling football of The Sailors, fraught with their lack of caution and general attacking intent. On a ridiculously freezing evening in the midst of Big Storm, those poor souls on the terraces must have pined for thermal longjohns, soup, and that kamikaze wrestle-ball they had been so admiring in Iqaluit during the group stages. But The Insufferables set up an effective defensive 5-3-2 formation that marshalled the Bonesea front seven and killed all the joy in the game for long periods. By half time it looked like around a third of the crowd had gone home or at least moved up town to the theatres, cinemas, clubs and basically anything that was indoors and more interesting than the first forty five minutes of a disappointing semi-final. Bonesea had the better of the possession but chances were few and far between at either end.

Things didn’t improve much in the second half but when Marcelinho Sulista upended EA Skewes with a careless – some might suggest violent – block on the edge of the penalty area just past the hour mark, things got momentarily lively as Skewes was withdrawn from play, with what turned out to be a swelling on his Minuartia Strobus – ruling him out of any contribution to the final. His cousin Ansell replaced him despite calls from the Bonesea supporters to bring on Des Jeruselem for one last swan song. Coach Pythagoras found himself short on wingers but a goal up as Idless hit a cracking, curling, bobbling freekick over the wall and beyond the despairing Edvan Costa in the Legion’s goal. It was a rare moment of quality in a poor game and there wasn’t much to follow up with. Neither team would be drawn into a last stand as the game petered out, with the discontented locals attempting to remind them of what was at stake with a rousing chorus of ‘Don’t Jump Off The Roof Dad’. The Sailors will breathe a sigh of relief that they weren’t robbed in the closing stages as they decided not to participate if at all possible, while the Matties will have to answer to critics back home as to why they couldn’t break out of their defensive mindset when 1-0 down against a patently unambitious bunch of amateurs with minutes to go and a cup final on the line.

Cup of Harmony Final

Bonesea 5-4 SchottiaHT: 2-1FT: 2-2
@ Harbour Hill Stadium, Handon, South Schottia

Scorers: Turk (’43) Jones, I (’44) Wickett (‘102, ‘111) Napoléon (‘117)
Martel-Burns (‘2, ’68) Coultan (‘113) MacDonald (‘115)

Attendance: 55,000

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-SCH

Jones, G [7.3] Possession (%) 48/52
Cottle [9.0] YY Shots 19-18
Shanty [8.4] On target 12-10
Brown [9.7] YY Pass Compl (%) 77-74
Jones, N [7.0] Corners 11-12
Jones, R [7.8] Fouls 17-14
Acosta [7.7] YY RR(’88) Yellow cards 8-2
Jones, I [7.3] (Goal: ’44) Red cards 2-0
Napoléon [7.4] YY (Goal: ’117)
Wickett [9.9]* (PoM) (Goals: ‘102, ‘111)
Turk [9.5] YY (Goal: ’43) Injuries Severity

Parr [7.5] sub: Brown ’78 Grayse-Lennox minor
Grayse-Lennox [6.3] + YY RR(’115) sub: Jones, I ’90
Polgigga [ - ] sub: Cottle ‘115

Kirtland Straw, commentator for Sputnik Sport said:

“Everybody is frozen to their seat – they think it’s going to penalties… it’s not now!”

Celebratory superlatives! Joy unbridled inadequately distilled into a few lines of badly written text!! Lashings of exclamation marks!!! Bonesea are Almost Champions! We’ve done it – we’ve thrown off the hardly comparable to Audioslavia but still slightly worrying mentality of perhaps we’ll never win a final! Memories of the Baptism of Fire heartbreak are dispelled, we CAN win things! And look! Look at the heroes parading the trophy and putting the captain, Chilli-Bean Acosta, on their shoulders, and taking scarves and flags to carry around on their lap of honour! The atmosphere! 54,991 polite applauses drowned out by the inarticulate and incomprehensible screaming-singing of the nine fans that have followed the team all the way around the multiverse for this very moment! And here they come! Nine people are on the pitch – let them join in stewards! Why not?! Let’s name the heroes on the terrace, supporting our Sailors! Here comes Malone and Manalaus, and there’s Mylor and Scorch McQuay and Marazion! Moloi’s over there with Mullion Roughlegg! And on come John-Bull Foster and Messa! All the fans are on the pitch now with the squad! The crocks on their crutches are off the bench too, the coaches and kit man are all joining in! It will be a hell of a party in Handon tonight! They’ll probably need a whole snug of a bar – takeover the town boys! Bonesea have won! Bonesea have won!

And so on.

To be fair, it was quite a contest – a fitting way, as the President of Schottian football graciously noted, to end the World Cup cycle. As expected, the Schotts went full tilt to grab a title in their own back yard, and the Sailors matched them in kind in an absolute thriller of a football match over 120 minutes of rough, tumble, goals, knees and elbows. Two Bonesea players got their marching orders toward the end of the game for an accumulation of infractions, including captain and national hero Chilli-Bean Acosta who was unfortunately not allowed to collect the trophy at the end as a result. Bonesea’s player of the tournament Marouaine ‘Wánger’ Shanty deservedly took his place at the end of an exhausting extra time period. From the very start the game was on a knife edge, Schottian coach Lionel Mah selecting the combative striker Corinne Martel-Burns as a statement of intent and seeing the change reap immediate rewards as the fearsome forward put the home side ahead within the first two minutes. The atmosphere was electric. In an incredibly open but well-matched half, Schottia maintained the lead almost – but not quite – to the break. With the home fans whistling for the ref to finish the half and give the Schotts time to replan from a point of advantage, two quick strikes before the end disappointed them all as Tuw Turk and then Idless Jones turned the game on it’s head with goals within 60 seconds of each other.

The second half was much the same as, unbowed by throwing away a good lead, the home side came at The Sailors hard and strong, led by Martel-Burns. In a magnificent period of attrition much loved by the visitors, it was she who put Schottia back on equal terms just after the hour mark, and despite great chances at each end, the game looked to have extra time written all over it. Things did not look too well starred when just before the full time whistle, with the extra period looming, Chilli-Bean earned a second yellow to leave the Sailors a man – and a leader - down for the next thirty minutes. Showing no intention of looking for a penalty shoot-out, Coach Pythagoras Jones freshened up his attack with the introduction of youngster Ursell Grayse-Lennox, who was in such fine form during the World Cup qualifying campaign – but it was the old warrior Conchobar The Conch Wickett who really turned the tide for the ten men with two goals either side of the extra time switch to finally give Bonesea some daylight and silence the partisan crowd. At 4-2 with seven minutes to go all the Sailors had to do was see the game out, but against a backdrop of stunned disappointment the Schotts rallied, hitting two quick goals including Jenny MacDonald’s freekick equaliser after Grayse Lennox had hauled down Kim Coultan, and in doing so earned his second yellow within five minutes. Disaster struck for the Bonesmen, they had thrown away a two goal advantage, lost two players to red cards, and didn’t even look likely now to survive to penalties, with three minutes remaining. Cue the moment Napoléon wrote himself into the history books, completing a hopeful counter-attack after sustained pressure from the home side to nod home what proved to be the winner, when penalties looked like the most Bonesea could hope for. With Schottia shattered, there was to be no final comeback, the hoops were broken and the Sailors victorious.

Quote of The Day

Physio Stretcher Banks

Any time we score more than four and hold the other team below five, we almost always win.
Last edited by Bonesea on Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-578

Postby Bonesea » Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:31 am


Bonesligg Champions

Florence Boldclub

Coach Des Jeruselem’s Boldclub move to within one title of Spittalmarine’s record 12 championships with their second title in three seasons, although they were pushed all the way by surprise team Start-93. Indeed the title looked beyond them right from the outset as The Geese had a flying start, culminating in their 5-1 thrashing of the Boldclub on matchday 6, leaving Florence second bottom and already nine points off the pace.Two consecutive 1-5 defeats for the Green Faeries were followed by two consecutive 5-0 victories and a run of five wins which put them back at the right end of the table in second at the quartermark. Start-93 had experienced a bit of a dip to let the chasers catch them, while Spittalmarine were emerging as the third early contenders. By the halfmark the three had drawn ahead of the chasing pack and it was a clear three-way battle ahead, although of course no-one expected the Geese to hold out for the season. In fact that is precisely what did happen as Spittalmarine fell away, allowing themselves to be caught by the chasing pack while the Boldclub and Start battled for the title. Boldclub’s second visit to Gannet Rec proved to be an even more disastrous affair than the first one, as they went down 0-7 to the rampant Geese, leaving them seven points adrift at the threequartermark and surely having been dealt a knockout blow. A home defeat to Moss the next week left them ten points behind and no-one could have predicted how they would go on to turn it around, finishing with an eleven-game unbeaten streak and winning seven of those, while in the same period Start-93 spectacularly crashed, winning only one of their last nine. The title was won with a game to spare when the Boldclub managed a narrow win over bottom club Gymnasia at the Boldpark, while Start-93 went down to city rivals Spittalmarine.

While keeper Bannan Goose and striker Austin Smith have seen their international opportunities wane under Coach Pythagoras Jones for the Sailors, at the Boldclub they were star performers during the season along with the stunning rise of JK Cottle to become the best centre-back in the league, going on to win the Fellows Award for Bonesligg player of the season. To the great dismay of club and fans alike, they will miss him dearly as he has taken up the opportunity to move abroad, poached by a Schottian club while performing so well in the Cup of Harmony. In young Par Polgigga they have an excellent replacement, with youngster Loze Cotterill coming up from the Bold Youth team also impressing - as ever, the Boldclub have plenty in reserve. Des Jeruselem continues to be availabel for selection himself and indeed played a key part in the end of season revival when Silian Drake was lost to a serious injury on international duty, although he has indicated he intends to step down from playing altogether at the end of next season. Bit-part player but much-loved Billy Sermons also played out his last season, and plans to go back to sea rather than stay in the game: he will take a Golden Watch with him on his travels after being one of two players inducted into the hall of fame at the end of the season. A real shot in the arm for the Green Faeries this season was the noticeable step-up of Medda ‘Ringbill’ Brown, a regular international and solid starter for the Boldclub over ten seasons, who seems this year to have found an extra gear and was spectacular during the long-unbeaten run-in.

With the UICA party finally in town the Boldclub will become the first official Bonesea representatives in the Champions Cup - something Spittalmarine thought they had earned three seasons ago, only to see entitlement lapse through timeline slippage* - and Des Jeruselem will want to strengthen for the season, so watch for transfer moves in a league where there is generally very little mobility. Early rumours have linked Coach Jeruselem with some of Start’s rising talent that propelled them up the league this season. Zenegalese halfback Mamadou Ibrahima is favourite, although the Boldclub are likely to miss out on young sensation Cephus Hunt and reformed ex-failed wonderkid Currian Cort (you do the maths on that) who look like following JK Cottle abroad.

* Many blame the excessive use of Fluid Time on major infrastructure construction sites across Bonesea, causing time-slip through temporal irradiation (an unproven theory)

.   Bonesligg-One           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Florence Boldclub 36 19 8 9 89 63 +26 65 UICA: CC
2 Start-93 36 16 11 9 89 57 +32 59 UICA: GC
3 Athletic Spit 36 14 11 11 67 62 +5 53 UICA: GC
4 Spittalmarine 36 16 5 15 86 89 −3 53 UICA: GC
5 Moss FC 36 14 8 14 77 74 +3 50
6 Viking Tananger 36 13 9 14 85 83 +2 48
7 1.FC Tocklehove 36 13 6 17 68 86 −18 45
8 Grasshopper Club 36 10 14 12 72 74 −2 44
9 SS Skiveness 36 10 14 12 62 70 −8 44
10 Gymnasia Scold 36 8 8 20 57 94 −37 32

Start-93 had a sensational season by their own standards, competing for the title right up to matchday 35, and in no short order it was down to their impressive transfer-market gambles - Hiram Polk, Lukas Markusson and Adisa Thoko Afolayan were all rejects from better clubs who stepped up a notch in their new environments, while Cephus Hunt, unearthed from the lower divisions, proved a magnificent find. Then on top of that local youth produce Currian Cort finally lived up to some of his lost promise to come good in a terrific season. The Geese are likely to pay the price for it though, with a clutch foreign clubs circling for Currian and Cephus, while the Boldclub look likely to raid some of their prize jewels too. Poor Spittalmarine have never quite gotten over the loss of their UICA Champions Cup place when nominations expired, so knowing this could be the season when a place was up for grabs provided some unwelcome pressure for them. After an impressive early start, they faded in the second half of the season and will be relieved at least to have just held on to a Globe Cup place after being caught by reigning champions Athletic, who themselves had a typically unpredictable season in which they spent some time at the bottom of the table but finally managed to put a run together to at least make their season look respectable on paper.

At the bottom Gymnasia had an awful season they will be keen to forget as they were bashed from pillar to post, while in the pack ahead of them SS Skiveness will feel they have underperformed dramatically. Coach XY Hallew is allegedly struggling to hold on to his job there with rumours the The Herrings may well be looking to ambitiously bring in a foreign coach to oversee a revival of fortunes in a squad that should be doing much better than it currently is. Grasshopper Club, in their second season, will be happy with an improvement in fortune that just about lifted them two places higher, but more importantly moved them much closer in the average points per season which will be accounted for in a promotion/relegation season, should any team in Bonesligg-2 win the title three seasons out of five. With Turbine FF Gallowsea, the only team to be relegated under the new Cumulative System, winning the title this season, that puts the next relegation back at least two seasons, so there is time for Grasshoppers and Gymnasia to fix their records. Start’s impressive season of course lifts them well up the deck for the time being.

Cumulative Relegation Summary
Avg. 578 577
6 Start-93 48.5 59 38
7 Viking Tananger 47.0 48 46
8 SS Skiveness 45.5 44 47
9 Gymnasia Scold 41.0 32 50
10 Grasshopper Club 40.5 44 37

Final Standings - Lower Divisions

.   Bonesligg-Two           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 18 9 9 101 51 +50 63 UICA: SBCC
2 Fishers Grimsea 36 16 13 7 83 61 +22 61 UICA: SBCC
3 Turbine Moss FF 36 15 10 11 80 62 +18 55 UICA: SBCC
4 Torpedo Spitney 36 15 8 13 82 76 +6 53
5 Gullravens FC 36 13 10 13 60 67 −7 49
6 17.FF Tolling 36 13 9 14 60 74 −14 48
7 Blue Boys FF 36 12 9 15 84 89 −5 45
8 Skelling Club 36 11 12 13 62 75 −13 45
9 Whelm Town Welfare 36 13 3 20 79 82 −3 42
10 Oysterhaven FF 36 8 9 19 66 120 −54 33 Relegated

Former relegated side Turbine FF Gallowsea showed some intent to a return to the higher echelons of Boney churning, their rebuilding process showing signs of positive outcomes and they narrowly took the title from perennial challengers Fishers Grimsea. Building a team around promising young halfback Horatio Connell, forward Ludo Kicinski and one-time international prospect Anarch Quentine-Rook, the side look impressive and will hope they can maintain a challenge over the next five seasons to win back a coveted top-flight spot. While Torpedo Spitney started the season favourites to retain the Ligg-2 title and really put the top-flight strugglers under pressure, they in fact had a disappointing season by their standards, failing to defend their title and even missing out on a first spot in the UICA Series-B Champions Cup. Impressive rnners-up Fishers will be joined in the SBCC by Gallowsea’s sister team, the over-achieving Turbine National’s second team from Moss, who followed up an unexpected promotion from Ligg-3 four seasons ago and two seasons of consolidation with a really impressive third placed finish. At the bottom Oysterhaven found the demands of higher level football too difficult in their first ever season at this level, and will go straight back down again; while Whelm Town Welfare found themselves struggling when perhaps many expected them to challenge at the top.

Cumulative Promotion Record

578 Turbine FF Gallowsea
577 Torpedo Spitney
576 Grasshopper Club *Promoted SB-576
575 Grasshopper Club
574 Washaway FC

Not content with a fantastic run in the Skellingkop and a famous 5-1 victory over Athletic Spit, the naval churning club Armada narrowly won promotion to tier 2 on the last day of the season, upsetting the odds and displacing long-time leaders Kickers FF who were themselves looking for a return to Ligg-2. For Hearts AFC it was a double-disaster, as they followed Washaway FC of the previous season in experiencing a double relegation, proving that sometimes it can be near impossible for a side to recover from a relegation in a single season. The challenge now will be to avoid dropping into the basement, something Washaway on just managed to do themselves - grateful as they will be to Banners FC of Skiveness for being the outright worst-performing team in the league this season. Exiting Ligg-4 by the front door were Stockett Brigade - the best team this season in league performances, led by 39-goal wonder striker Democritus Huang, who will surely be looking for a move into the top flight after a sensational season. In the basement, Combine Tamness-Nordby continued their boing-boing reputation in the lower echelons of league football, winning promotion again to Ligg-4. As many terrace wits would have sung at their matches this season, we’ll probably see them back again after a brief exile in higher realms. For Spittalmarine’s B team it was a third bottom-placed ’Rubbispoon’ in five seasons condemning them to a visit to the re-election panel at the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn, where they were generally expected to get approval to carry on. Awkward.

.   Bonesligg-Three         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Armada Club 36 17 10 9 95 69 +26 61 Promoted
2 Kickers FF Sand 36 17 10 9 65 52 +13 61
3 Crows Club 36 18 6 12 84 56 +28 60
4 Celtic Club Skein 36 14 15 7 88 56 +32 57
5 Academic Spit 36 14 10 12 62 68 −6 52
6 SS Industriell 36 14 8 14 75 73 +2 50
7 Tundra Axle FC 36 15 5 16 55 59 −4 50
8 Spartans FF Liarby 36 12 9 15 80 65 +15 45
9 Rapid FF Kells 36 9 7 20 59 80 −21 34
10 Hearts AFC 36 8 4 24 49 134 −85 28 Relegated

   Bonesligg-Four          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Stockett Brigade 36 21 7 8 108 57 +51 70 Promoted
2 Guillemots 36 20 8 8 94 55 +39 68
3 1.FC Bøe 36 17 9 10 75 57 +18 60
4 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 17 8 11 83 71 +12 59
5 St. Leah Gaels 36 15 6 15 98 73 +25 51
6 Boldclub-B 36 12 9 15 66 63 +3 45
7 East Spit Casuals FC 36 10 13 13 77 97 −20 43
8 Washaway FC 36 10 10 16 71 110 −39 40
9 Irsha-57 SK 36 9 11 16 55 75 −20 38
10 Banners FC Skiveness 36 5 7 24 52 121 −69 22 Relegated

   Bonesligg-Five          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 17 12 7 78 54 +24 63 Promoted
2 Blackskull Club 36 16 9 11 93 72 +21 57
3 Turbine-B 36 16 8 12 65 56 +9 56
4 Bannerclub Clun 36 14 13 9 83 63 +20 55
5 Otters Club 36 12 13 11 83 66 +17 49
6 Moss Reserve 36 14 6 16 77 77 0 48
7 SS-B 36 12 11 13 69 73 −4 47
8 Viking-B 36 9 13 14 64 84 −20 40
9 Athletic-B 36 9 11 16 68 96 −28 38
10 Marine-B 36 9 8 19 67 106 −39 35 Rubbishpoon

Cumulative Re-election Record
Bonesligg-5 Rubbishpoon

578 Marine-B * requires re-election
577 Marine-B
576 East Spit Casuals
575 Athletic-B
574 Marine-B

Re-election results
Marine-B have been sensationally and thoroughly unexpectedly voted out of the league after an allegedly tempestuous debate in the halls of the Fellowship. In the end, after a revote was taken when the first vote elucidated 51 votes from 50 members, only 5 members voted in favour of re-election, while 12 voted against and an angry 33 abstained. It is reported unofficially that the vote was 6 for and 45 against in the first vote, and that many abstainers felt the clear margin was against re-election despite some jiggery pokery. There is no automatic promotion to the Bonesligg from outside of it, and while usually the champion of the Spittaligg would be considered the primary candidate, this was Marine-C on this occasion and the Fellowship thought it preposterous to replace B with C. The highest place non-reserve team in the division was third placed Penchant & District, while there were also applications from Aero Fennby, and Club Zenega based in Tocklehove.

In a run-off vote Aero Fennby won the majority with 26 votes, from Club Zenega with 20 and Penchant & District eliminated in the first round of voting.


Florence Boldclub 4-3 (aet) Moss FC F/T 3-3 H/T 2-1
@ The Boldpark, Spittalsea. Attendance 15,310

Goals: Félix (’21), Smith (’30, ’114), Drake (’81), / Napoléon (’31), Roche (65), Dyson (’79)

Player of the match: EA Skewes (Moss FC)
Booked: Sanna, Paris, Sermons / Curran, Roche, Bartail

Player Ratings
Boldclub				Moss FC

Bannan Goose [7.2] Bernard Doisneau [7.2] Match Statistics
JK Cottle [7.8] Barney Howard [6.0]
Ringbill Brown [7.5] Ansell Skewes [7.2] Poss (%): 51/49
Erasmo Félix [6.8](1)sub’89 Jackdaw Verrin [7.3]sub ’78 Shots: 21-21
Sillian Drake [7.9](1) Ultán Curran [7.1] On Target: 9-9
Jean-Luc Sanna [7.8]sub ’90 Ruben Roche [8.9](1)sub’108 Pass Comp(%): 70-77
Tathai Rigby [7.8] EA Skewes [9.0] Corners: 4-9
Jérôme Paris [7.1] Deorwine Malone [7.5] Fouls: 15-4
Austin Smith [8.0](2) PG Dyson [7.5](1) Yellow cards: 3-3
Abdul-Aziz Zaman [7.7]sub ’59 Napoléon [7.5](1) Reds: 0
Tuw Turk [7.9] Budannon Chaffinch [7.7]sub ’90

Subs Used Subs Used
Mikael Gunnarsson [7.3] Stokoe Bartail [6.8]
Billy Sermons [7.5] Pacifique Kokolo [7.8]
Eniola Oluwa [7.3] BB Bilko [ - ]

Bold Strike Double Gold
Florence Boldclub 4-3 Moss FC

The Green Faeries wrote another chapter in history with this extra time win over southerners Moss FC, securing the fifth ligg/kop double and becoming the second team to achieve the feat twice after SS Skiveness; on the way, they appropriately dumped kop kings Viking Tananger out of the competition in the third round, inflicting their first defeat in this competition in six extraordinary years. It seemed only fitting that the team to finally knock Viking off their perch would be the one to go on and win the Skellingkop. It started auspiciously for the Boldclub with a first round hammering of Blue Boys FF in Innstrand, smashing them for nine goals in a sublime display, but they were not going to have the tournament all their own way. A surprise draw at basement reservists Turbine-B was something of an embarrassment although their blushes were spared by a combination of a penalty shoot-out win and Athletic’s stunning capitulation against Ligg-3 minnows Armada. The third round provided the plumb draw at home to Viking and the Green Faeries were back to the imperial best with a fine and historic 3-1 victory, ending the best run in Skellingkop history past, present and probably future - surely no-one will ever match it? After a big win in Kop-4 over minnows Academic, the Boldclub were pitted in the semi-final against Ligg-3 strugglers Spartans FF Liarby, and found themselves once more up against a tough opponent not overrawed by their more illustrious opponents. A narrow and hard-fought 1-0 victory put Florence into their sixth final, and with a 100% record so far in finals, they were not about to let go of that historic double despite coming up against a decent kop side and Ligg-1 rivals Moss FC.

In a tightly-contested box-to-box final with neither side showing any sign of nerves or reserve, it was clear there would be goals from the start, with Abdul-Aziz Zaman for Boldclub and Napoléon for the Bryophites both coming close in the opening exchanges. Reliable Tamarindian halfback Erasmo Félix broke the deadlock for Florence twenty minutes in when he poked home from a goal-mouth scramble following a corner, and Austin Smith doubled the lead ten minutes later when he got on the end of a cross in from Tuw Turk to lob over stranded keeper Bernard Doisineau. It was perhaps hard on Moss who had done enough not to be two goals down, with EA Skewes in absolutely fine form and generally running the show - without getting his just rewards. However, in the first of three assists on the day, he set up his international team-mate Napoléon to pull a quick goal back, and the game remained finely poised until the end of the half. In the second period, EA Skewes and his team came out all guns blazing, and Florence were forced into a rear-guard action for half an hour or more as the Bryophites laid seige to their penalty box. Skewes set up young star Ruben Roche for the well-deserved equaliser, and continued to majestically dominate the game as he laid on the third for PG Dyson, an easy tap in with ten minutes to go that put Moss 3-2 ahead. But it wasn;t enough against the canny Green Faeries, who struck back quickly when Sillian Drake found himself unmarked on the edge of the area after a Boldclub counterattack and blasted home a shot from distance with aplomb. Extra time was booked and the Boldclub had got themselves off the hook following a tough second half. Extra time belonged to the Spittalsea side, however, as the late equaliser seemed to knock the stuffing out of Moss, and there was an air of inevitability about the excellent moose-rider and sporting all-rounder Austin Smith’s second goal, just before the halfway switch, to put Florence Boldclub ahead and from where they went on to win the second part of an impressive double.

Skellingkop Season-578


Viking-B 4–4 Stockett Brigade (4–4 AET) (2–3 pen.)
SS-B 5–7 Gymnasia Scold
Athletic-B 0–3 Rapid FF Kells
Whelm Town Welfare 2–2 Otters Club (3–2 AET)
SS Skiveness 0–2 Start-93
1.FC Tocklehove 1–1 Turbine Moss FF (2–1 AET)
Bannerclub Clun 3–1 Aero Fennby
Marine-B 1–7 Oysterhaven FF
Spittalmarine 1–3 1.FC Bøe
Bannerclub FF Dogside 3–1 Moss Reserve
SS Industriell 3–3 Herring Club (5–4 AET)
Kickers FF Sand 3–1 Grasshopper Club
Fishers Grimsea 1–0 Guillemots
Penchant & District 0–3 Moss FC
Bonesea Air Force Club 1–3 Blackskull Club
SCB-Alliance 0–1 Rangers Tocklehove FF
Shale Athletics Union 3–1 Combined Varsity AU
Crows Club 1–1 Hearts AFC (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Armada Club 2–0 SS Electra Worksclub
Celtic Club Skein 0–5 Athletic Spit
Combine FF Pikefells 0–1 Spartans FF Liarby
17.FF Tolling 3–1 Torpedo Spitney
East Spit Casuals FC 1–1 Gullravens FC (1–2 AET)
FC Harbourwights 1–3 Tundra Axle FC
Academic Spit 7–1 Club Zenega
Skullion FF 0–3 Banners FC Skiveness
Celts Club 0–12 Skelling Club
Irsha-57 SK 2–2 Turbine FF Gallowsea (3–3 AET) (2–4 pen.)
Combine Tamness-Nordby 4–4 Turbine-B (4–5 AET)
Blue Boys FF 0–9 Florence Boldclub
Washaway FC 3–3 Boldclub-B (3–4 AET)
St. Leah Gaels 1–5 Viking Tananger


Stockett Brigade 1–9 Gymnasia Scold
Rapid FF Kells 1–1 Whelm Town Welfare (1–1 AET) (5–4 pen.)
Start-93 2–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Bannerclub Clun 0–5 Oysterhaven FF
1.FC Bøe 5–1 Bannerclub FF Dogside
SS Industriell 1–1 Kickers FF Sand (2–2 AET) (4–5 pen.)
Fishers Grimsea 1–3 Moss FC
Blackskull Club 1–1 Rangers Tocklehove FF (1–1 AET) (1–3 pen.)
Shale Athletics Union 2–4 Crows Club
Armada Club 5–1 Athletic Spit
Spartans FF Liarby 4–4 17.FF Tolling (5–4 AET)
Gullravens FC 1–3 Tundra Axle FC
Academic Spit 5–0 Banners FC Skiveness
Skelling Club 1–3 Turbine FF Gallowsea
Turbine-B 1–1 Florence Boldclub (1–1 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Boldclub-B 0–3 Viking Tananger


Gymnasia Scold 4–0 Rapid FF Kells
Start-93 5–1 Oysterhaven FF
1.FC Bøe 0–3 Kickers FF Sand
Moss FC 3–0 Rangers Tocklehove FF
Crows Club 0–2 Armada Club
Spartans FF Liarby 1–0 Tundra Axle FC
Academic Spit 5–1 Turbine FF Gallowsea
Florence Boldclub 3–1 Viking Tananger


Gymnasia Scold 1–1 Start-93 (2–1 AET)
Kickers FF Sand 1–7 Moss FC
Armada Club 1–3 Spartans FF Liarby
Academic Spit 1–5 Florence Boldclub


Gymnasia Scold 0–3 Moss FC
Spartans FF Liarby 0–1 Florence Boldclub


Moss FC 3–3 Florence Boldclub (3–4 AET)

Awards & Records

Champions:	Florence Boldclub (11th title)
Runners-Up: Start-93
Third Place: Athletic Spit

Kop Winners: Florence Boldclub (6th title; 6 finals; 2nd Ligg/Kop double)
Runners-Up: Moss FC (6 finals, 4 defeats)

UICA Qualifications

Champions Cup: Florence Boldclub
Globe Cup: Start-93
Athletic Spit
SBCC: Turbine FF Gallowsea
Fishers Grimsea
Turbine Moss FF
Cygnus Cup: Florence Boldclub

EkstraKop-579: Florence Boldclub vs. Moss FC
(Super Cup season opener)

Lower Ligg Champions

Bonesligg-2: Turbine FF Gallowsea
Bonesligg-3: Armada Club (promoted)
Bonesligg-4: Stockett Brigade (promoted)
Bonesligg-5: Combine Tamness-Nordby (promoted)
Spittaligg-A: Marine-C

Player Awards

Fellows Award: JK Cottle Florence Boldclub
(Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Shilling Blue Start-93
Third Place: Donkey Ray Harton Athletic Spit

Bonesligg-2: Anarch Quentine-Rook Turbine FF Gallowsea
Bonesligg-3: Cahir Congdon Armada Club
Bonesligg-4: Saturnin Diallo Rangers Tocklehove FF
Bonesligg-5: Talek Nicholls Combine Tamness-Nordby

Golden Boot: Idless Jones 26 goals, Spittalmarine
Runner-Up: Colan Macky-Coss 22, Grasshopper Club

Bonesligg-2: Shutta Gribben 28, Turbine FF Gallowsea
Bonesligg-3: Daveth Restoria 19, Spartans FF Liarby
Bonesligg-4: Democritus Huang 39, Stockett Brigade
Bonesligg-5: Clement Veery 22, Blackskull Club

Golden Glove: Donkey Ray Harton Athletic Spit
Runner-Up: Duald Dunbar Start-93

Bonesligg-2: Issey Kincaid Fishers Grimsea
Bonesligg-3: Savean Kittiwake Kickers FF Sand
Bonesligg-4: Breward Kneebone Guillemots
Bonesligg-5: Fulcrum Ross Combine Tamness-Nordby

Young Fella: Cephus Hunt 19 yrs, Start-93
(Young Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Nacho Zambrano 18, Spittalmarine
Third Place: Ruben Roche 19, Moss FC

Bonesligg-2: Rebbe Gyr 19, Torpedo Spitney
Bonesligg-3: Innes Percer 16, SS Industriell
Bonesligg-4: Saturnin Diallo 17, Rangers FF Tocklehove
Bonesligg-5: Junior Abessou 17, Turbine-B

Argångaward: Des Jeruselem Florence Boldclub
(Coach of The Season)
Runner-Up: Buccus Hike Start-93

Bonesligg-2: Artigan Smith Fishers Grimsea
Bonesligg-3: Bastan Miller Armada Club
Bonesligg-4: Kilhallon Minard Stockett Brigade
Bonesligg-5: Piper Doughty Combine Tamness-Nordby

Bonesligg-1 Awards

Finest Match: Moss FC 8–4 Viking Tananger
Biggest Win: Grasshopper Club 9–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Highest Score: Grasshopper Club 7–7 Florence Boldclub
Player Goals: Colan Mackay-Coss, 5 for Grasshopper Club vs. 1.FC Tocklehove (9-0)

The Golden Watch
Year SB-578 Inductees

Every year an undefined number of former (and maybe, potentially, current) players, officials and other related staff will be inducted and given an actual commissioned gold watch from the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia, as well as membership to The Golden Watch club. Membership is given for outstanding contributions to the greasy churn.

Inductee 11:	Billy Sermons;	won 16 caps for the national team (SB-572/75), player for Florence Boldclub	
Inductee 12: Tuelmenna Jones; long-serving striker for SS Skiveness, 26 seasons, playing 603 games and scoring 311 goals

Inductee 1:	Pythagoras Jones; first national team manager (SB-572 onwards)
Inductee 2: Des Jeruselem (RKQ); first transgender international for Bonesea (SB-572/74)
Inductee 3: Varrick Jones; player for Athletic Spit (741 apps; 134 goals), retired.
Inductee 4: KP Scrote; outstanding player of BoF’62 & World Cup’75 national squads (SB-572/74)
Inductee 5: Toribio Gallo (TAM); player for Viking Tananger (476 apps; 130 goals), retired.
Inductee 6: Sebastiene Narbonensis (WGT); chair, Fellowship of The Greasy Churn
Inductee 7: Vine Dawkins, CF, played for 1.FC Tocklehove for 22 seasons, playing 594 games for the club and scoring 243 goals.
Inductee 8: Kingsley Smith, IR, 503 games for Florence Boldclub, scoring 116 goals.
Inductee 9: Hermon Tuquevoix, IR, 678 games for Athletic Spit, 185 goals.
Inductee 10: Professor Kett, manager of Viking Tanager 558-575; assistant manager Bonesea national team, co-inventor of the Argånger.
Last edited by Bonesea on Wed Nov 30, 2016 7:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Galacticos Index for UICA-66

Postby Bonesea » Sat Dec 24, 2016 4:14 am


Who will be the next Laborious Hawk*, Simeone de Bradini, or Val Kylx? [Actually, Laborious Hawk is still the Laborious Hawk and will probably be the next one, too]

Boldsport Magazine, proud purveyor of shoddy sports journalism since about last April, brings you the first in what is sure to be the global phenomenon of the Boldsports Sports Writers Awards for the greatest football players in the universe: The Galacticos Index.

Boldsport Editor-in-Chief, Izzy Worthette:

“Here we all are, gathered at the Royal Polarian Hotel up on Herring Island just north of Spittalsea, a day after the UICA Champions Cup 66 Final - congratulations to Real Azuris for a remarkable and thrilling win - and the time has come to announce the winners of the awards for player of the cycle, team of the cycle and young player of the cycle.

“Since a prestigious award of this magnitude is bound to attract the attention of big clubs to the lucky few who have been nominated for the awards, we have on hand football agent, dealmaker and notorious fixer Ezra Carp to analyse the market and the potential demands an agent - I mean a player - could make to jump into the transfer market. No doubt he’ll be talking up the market and touting for clients if he’s not busy so let’s keep an eye on him and his table of sheik friends over there, who look Gadiryan but certainly don’t sound it when you get up close to them. We also have television pundit Kirtland Straw here from our satellite television partner Spudnix Sports to recap some of the achievements of the nominees we have on the card tonight.

“It has been an exhaustive process to get to this point and the journalists who make up the panel of sports writers have followed no less than 224 players across the top of the game from 30-odd nations and 27 of the best clubs in world football. Since it would take all night just to list them all out, members of the audience here tonight have been provided with the ‘Longlonglist’ in their programmes.

Alan Moore (ETM), Directus
Gavin Mitchell (OSR), Directus
Mâás Fôx (FFD), Directus
Pedrinho (VAL), Directus
Felipe Ebenezer (USI), Directus
Takacs Endre (PAS), Directus
Fabio Quella (SAM), Directus
Joachim Elden (MBT), Directus
Sol Myren (SJG), Directus
Ethan Cooke (EUR), Directus
Andrew Watson (EUR), Directus
Craig Gilbert (EUR), Directus
Charles Hunter (EUR), Directus

Bobbie Kennedy (AUD), Raynor City United
Jamar Eastgate (SEM), Raynor City United
Oani Moralziia (TUR), Raynor City United
Ooóoos Skueri (AUD), Raynor City United
Timi'sala Koarena (TUR), Raynor City United
Cristian Arango (VLD), Raynor City United
Patxi Azarola (AUD), Raynor City United
Carlos Alberto Sáez (VLD), Raynor City United
Lasse Pedersen (SEM), Raynor City United
Täjó Çíânflöné (FFD), Raynor City United
Timi'sala Koarena (TUR), Raynor City United
Ilglerdiriel Lithvathar (VAL), Raynor City United

Nemanja Petrovic (SZA), Ulsa
Espen Erevik (PIS), Ulsa
Branmir Milic (SZA), Ulsa
Adnan Szalai (NPH), Ulsa
Craig Sinclair (EUR), Ulsa
Sebastian Kaur (AUS), Ulsa
Kris Campbell (EUR), Ulsa
Jakob Lindesfarne (SEM), Ulsa
Frank Ainsworth (EUR), Ulsa
John Leach (EUR), Ulsa
Freddie Nolan (EUR), Ulsa

Kiki Nuremberg (FEL), 1830 Cathair
Lenka Randáková (PAS), 1830 Cathair
Ulrika Kinlasson (APX), 1830 Cathair
Jaime del Olmo (CEN), 1830 Cathair
Faeron Soldarian (VAL), 1830 Cathair
Rodolfo Zelaya (SJG), 1830 Cathair
Espy va Drake (VAL), 1830 Cathair
Romelio Ceballos (PAS), 1830 Cathair
Nzuzi Kidiaba (SEM), 1830 Cathair
Batmacumba (DAI), 1830 Cathair
Marco Angelo (KRY), 1830 Cathair
Emmanuel Awuah (SEM), 1830 Cathair
Nestor Martinez (SJG), 1830 Cathair
Sroel Cavan (ZEN), 1830 Cathair
Dymon Cole (SEM), 1830 Cathair
Superintendent van Nifterick (APX), 1830 Cathair
Gael Marquez (AUD), 1830 Cathair
Jouard Carceres (AUD), 1830 Cathair

Nathan Musendo (SEM), Northern Union
Geneva Urquhart (BRE), Northern Union
Catherine Gryphon (BRE), Northern Union
Marijana Kuralay (NPH), Northern Union
Scout Given (BRE), Northern Union
Melinda Rubio (OSR), Northern Union
Candace Rivers (EQS), Northern Union

Drê Röènôùjýâ (FFD), Brinemouth
Matt Vintner (NPH), Brinemouth
Chrysanthe Scafidis (NPH), Brinemouth
Jonathan Bosetti (VLD), Brinemouth
Gianluigi Calabrese (OSR), Brinemouth
Jonathan Bosetti (VLD), Brinemouth
Osman Candelo (VLD), Brinemouth
Juquinho (APX), Brinemouth
Konrad Gosforth (NPH), Brinemouth
Danijel Brymora (NPH), Brinemouth
Jess Silkman (NPH), Brinemouth

Abraham Terrazas (SJG), AC Itotz Zubia
Morlaithan Aldamiel (VAL), AC Itotz Zubia
Gregory Besoitagoena (AUD), AC Itotz Zubia
Patrick Courtois (VLD), AC Itotz Zubia
Orson Faulkner (BRE), AC Itotz Zubia
Paranawê (USI), AC Itotz Zubia
Sterling Rose (EUR), AC Itotz Zubia
Etamara Kulkkiia (TUR), AC Itotz Zubia
Fabio Mancini (OSR), AC Itotz Zubia
Ingþór Auðbjörnsson (PAS), AC Itotz Zubia
Acquafresca (DAI), AC Itotz Zubia
Laborious Hawk (VAL), AC Itotz Zubia
Lairelaerion Tinuviel (VAL), AC Itotz Zubia
Giorgia Caruso (OSR), AC Itotz Zubia
Tar Hunor (PAS), AC Itotz Zubia
Paulinho Romã (WSI), AC Itotz Zubia
Txordinutzko Etxehartzaren (AUD), AC Itotz Zubia
Frantzisko Apexarena (AUD), AC Itotz Zubia
Paranawé (NSI), AC Itotz Zubia

Nubara Moafalia (TUR), Cednia Beach
Nikolai Aksenov (POL), Cednia Beach
Heron Crew (SCH), Cednia Beach
Tripate Falcon (VIL/TUR), Cednia Beach
GQ Disterfred II (TUR), Cednia Beach
Oani Moralziia (TUR), Cednia Beach
Dmitri Levada (TUR), Cednia Beach
Va'a-Rio Kiwavyn, Cednia Beach
Kryhata Calanndi, Cednia Beach
Tinjus Mngomeni, Cednia Beach

Ursula Rankin (BRE), Tanrisal
Lemuel Ortez (AUD), Tanrisal
Tevreness Bale (COS), Tanrisal
Emely Towers (EFL), Tanrisal
Amitee Abdalla (EFL), Tanrisal
Sander Balliol (BRE), Tanrisal

Ruy Monrazón (FFD), Avenida Leal
Trejo Maes (FFD), Avenida Leal
Ostadar Arambilet (FFD), Avenida Lea
Mattías Passarelli (SJG), Avenida Lea
Morris Morrison (FFD)(17), Avenida Lea
Norberto Longes (FFD), Avenida Lea

Justinian Hargrave (NPH), Starling
Mirko Koehler (NPH), Starling
Hyacinth Surman (NPH), Starling
Malachi Gallagher (NPH), Starling
Claudia Cautcher (NPH), Starling
Lucius Kaspian (COS), Starling
Nicola Costello (OSR), Starling
Francesca Marquon (NPH), Starling
Hansi Westerlow (NPH), Starling
Reinhard Meixner (NPH), Starling
Estrella Hawke (NPH), Starling
Ali Asif (EFL), Starling
Deirdre McNessa (COS), Starling

Ace Newman (COS), CD FAS
Alexander Lopes (VLD), CD FAS
Sebastián Hernández (SJG), CD FAS
Luciano Feijoo (SJG), CD FAS
Emilio Duero (SJG), CD FAS
Arnoldo Flechamachete (QUE), CD FAS
Xavier Hertel (QUE), CD FAS
Hazel Van Robben (RKQ), CD FAS
Tukhbatulin (SJG), CD FAS
Gutiérrez (SJG), CD FAS
Somoza (SJG), CD FAS
Gómez (SJG), CD FAS
Di Maria (QUE), CD FAS
Melo (NSI), CD FAS
Duero, CD FAS

Bo Foureleven (NFX), Matthew Rangers
Elrond Yorick (ESH), Matthew Rangers
Westbrook, Matthew Rangers
Ninth (NFX), Matthew Rangers
Sappington, Matthew Rangers
Hikari (PRO), Matthew Rangers
Caparelli (FFD), Matthew Rangers
Anderton (NPH), Matthew Rangers
Palmer (OSR), Matthew Rangers
Markus (PAS), Matthew Rangers
Hawkwood (NPH), Matthew Rangers
de la Fuente (CEN), Matthew Rangers
Spearowhead, Matthew Rangers
Baghdassarian (YTT), Matthew Rangers

Scheherazade Meier (FFD), Sabrefell Moths
Juninho Dos Santos (SJG), Sabrefell Moths
Aaliyah Johnson (OSR), Sabrefell Moths
Jessica Weiss (PAS), Sabrefell Moths
Isadora Caravella, (NPH), Sabrefell Moths
Kirsten Cliving (c), (NPH), Sabrefell Moths
Gudrun Crowley (NPH), Sabrefell Moths
Leo Hargreaves (EUR), Sabrefell Moths

Andreas Sparwasser (BRE), Crisisbless
Autumn Starbuck (ISK), Crisisbless
Isaia URSO (OSR), Crisisbless
Anders Engström (COS), Crisisbless
Leona Rafford, Crisisbless
Sieglinde Lohengrin (NPH), Crisisbless
Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic (FFD), Crisisbless

Armando Elevado (FFD), Avenida Principal
Rainyardil Toraandal (VAL), Avenida Principal
Julia Price (OSR), Avenida Principal
Vareza Na'Noni (COS), Avenida Principal
Angelo Gelinas (QUE), Avenida Principal

Sean Fraser (SJG), Real Azuris
Hector Grier (ANG), Real Azuris
Ronan Bowditch (BRE), Real Azuris
Sandra Sybill (CRO), Real Azuris
August Ozuna (AUD), Real Azuris
Viviano Milani (PAS), Real Azuris
Andrew Arrowsword (CEN), Real Azuris (18)
Florentin Lachance (AUD), Real Azuris
Stig Söderquist (COS), Real Azuris
Adrian Lindberg (SLL), Real Azuris
Mortimer Chisenhall (COS), Real Azuris
Brygger Tidesson (COS), Real Azuris (16)

Dragan Kryznjak (AUD), Alianza FC
Ramón Ospina (SJG), Alianza FC
Leonardo Conavacio (QUE), Alianza FC
Mark Lindholm (SJG), Alianza FC
Davor Antunovic (PAS), Alianza FC
Marcia Danmark (BRE), Alianza FC

Odrej Cech (QUE), Turoki Tide
Polaox Torerun (VIL), Turoki Tide
Cavuna Aquafek (VIL), Turoki Tide
Amarini Baracelv (VIL), Turoki Tide

Elliot Horn (NGD), Celtic Noviodunum
Kira Koromin (CEN), Celtic Noviodunum
Michelle Stone (ETM), Celtic Noviodunum
Abigail Knight (ETM), Celtic Noviodunum
Jay Irikor (CEN), Celtic Noviodunum
Iñaki Martón (ESH), Celtic Noviodunum

Elaine Ashdown (NPH), Hastmead Diamante
Peppin Ruel (PAS), Hastmead Diamante
Esteban Crespo (OSR), Hastmead Diamante
Ryan Watson (OSR), Hastmead Diamante
Djair Claro-Hunt (SEM), Hastmead Diamante
Rnee Claro-Hunt (SEM), Hastmead Diamante
Reiss Claro-Hunt (SEM), Hastmead Diamante
Donminick M’Bia (SEM), Hastmead Diamante
Artemis Montanari (ESH), Hastmead Diamante (17)
Daniele Gentile (OSR), Hastmead Diamante
Demetrio Constantini (OSR), Hastmead Diamante
Will Simpson (OSR), Hastmead Diamante

Willem Ajax (APX/EOT), Bastion
Jeffrey Douglas (EUR), Bastion
Peter Morrison (EUR), Bastion
Lofty Jones (EUR), Bastion
Dion Underwood (EUR), Bastion
Adrian Bassa (VLD), Bastion

Hannah Alcouin (USI), Crawford City
Roddy Fraser (AUD), AFC Treason
Peter Svensson (COS), AFC Treason
Fedrea Quazin (EFL), FC Farleigh-Warburton
Anthony Baudelio (ESH), Phalanx AF
Sgt. Sam Billic (MRC), Myrmidon
Lea Pabst (PAS), Aurora Sylveons
Quinn Doherty (OSR), Trothwands Evolution
Jean-Marie Bentacaur (ESH), Baskita FC
Allison Swan (CEN), Crisisbless

“Kirtland, there are a lot of familiar faces on there of course, but any surprises?”

Kirtland Straw, Broadcaster, Spudnix Sports:

“Well I think the transfer of the Mercedinian military sergeant Sam Billic to Myrmidon in Ceni caught us all by surprise and they have done it again by sneaking in on this list - clearly we’ve got a bit of a rising star on our hands here with this one. A few youngsters made it onto the list despite not being first choice at their clubs - I’d cite Morris Morrison and Norberto Longes at Avenida Leal as examples - but clearly the wise guys on the voting panel are impressed with youth talent and want to acknowledge that, which will do wonders for their profile and marketability.”

Ezra Carp, super-agent:

“That’s right Kirtland. You look at young Roddy Fraser going to AFC Treason last season for 40 million green - crazy money, we all know that, but that sets the market value, doesn’t it? Clubs will think they might cash in and they’d be right - appearing on this longlonglist will easily put an extra 2.5 million clams on their price tag, and these youngsters won’t go for under 7.5 million now, I’d say.”

Izzy Worthette:

“And so onto the longlist, whittled down to the best thirty-eight players in the multiverse in the last cycle, although of course the locals will wonder why Tuw Turk didn’t make it.

The longlist, in alphabetical order, is as follows:”

Hannah Alcouin		24	CF	USI	Crawford City
Andrew Arrowsword 18 ST CEN Real Azuris
Elaine Ashdown 33 MC NPH Hastmead Diamante
Anthony Baudelio 20 ST ESH Phalanx AF
Jean-Marie Bentacur 24 MC ESH Baskita FC
Sgt. Sam Billic 29 ST MRC Myrmidon
Kris Campbell 30 ST EUR Ulsa
Romelio Ceballos 27 ST PAS 1830 Cathair FC
Täjó Çíânflöné 24 ST FFD Raynor City United
Mike Flanningan 29 DC USI Ramusok United
Mâás Fôx 35 MRC FFD Directus
Roddy Fraser 20 ST AUD AFC Treason
Sean Fraser 31 LW SJG Real Azuris
Daniele Gentile ? CM OSR Hastmead Diamante
Craig Gilbert 34 DC EUR Directus
Hector Grier 27 CB ANG Real Azuris
Catherine Gryphon 27 DM BRE Northern Union
Laborious Hawk 727 AMC VAL AC Itotz Zubia
Xavier Hertel 33 ML QUE CD FAS
Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic 25 AM FFD Crisisbless
Aaliyah Johnson 25? ST OSR Sabrefell Moths
Meagan Kelly 28 MR CHR Kionao Locals
Etamara Kulkkiia 28 MC TUR AC Itotz Zubia
Frank Lescott 33 DL VAL Tannenberg FC
Ilglerdiriel Lithvathar 733 AML VAL Raynor City United
Alexander Lopes 28 DR VLD CD FAS
Trejo Maes 25 DLR FFD Avenida Leal
Deirdre McNessa 27 DM COS Starling
Ruy Monrazón 26 DMC FFD Avenida Leal
Alan Moore 23 DC ETM Directus
Jaime del Olmo 33 AML CEN 1830 Cathair FC
Pedrinho 31 ST VLD Directus
Drê Röènôùjýâ 29 ML/DLR FFD Brinemouth
Peter Svensson 26 DC COS AFC Treason
Adnan Szalai 26 MR NPH Ulsa
Abraham Terrazas 23 GK SJG AC Itotz Zubia
Rainyardil Toraandal 659 DC VAL Avenida Principal
Rodolfo Zelaya 31 CF SJG 1830 Cathair FC

Ezra Carp:

“Clubs are going to have to pay top dollar to secure the services of one of these gems, Izzy. I’m talking about one and a half times the current average ‘high fee’. I’ve studied the transfer market in the last window and if you take the top ten highest transfer fees paid last time around, you’re looking at an average of 19.3 million moula. So I’m suggesting clubs looking to buy from the longlist will probably not get anyone lower than 29 million notes from this lot - minimum!

“Oh, and I must say, at this point - mostly highly over-rated player of the last cycle? It’s tough on the lad but look at Lucjusz Stef from Chromatika: he was unattached and Mar Sara paid 12.5 million spondoolies for his services - 12.5 million! To nobody! For an unattached player!”

Kirtland Straw:

“You’ve probably devalued him by about 70% there, Ezra…”

Izzy Worthette:

“We move now to the exciting bit of the evening when we begin to whittle down our candidates towards the prizes. First, I’m proud to present the Galacticos Index Team of The Cycle sponsored by the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia. Each player selected for the Best Eleven plus seven subs will receive a highly valuable collectors item platinum Schu-Tallinger timepiece as well, I’m sure, as renewed terms on their contract.

“The Boldsport Galacticos Team of The Cycle is as follows:”

Drê Röènôùjýâ;
Sean Fraser, Laborious Hawk, Deirdre McNessa;
Täjó Çíânflöné, Pedrinho, Andrew Arrowsword

“All the big hitters in there, Ezra - how much would it cost to put that team together, do you think?”

Ezra Carp:

“For that Galactico XI? We’d be talking astronomical prices, Izzy. Every one of those players is going to fetch more than the top price paid this time around - that was a cool 40 million bones for Roddy Fraser and for Hannah Alcouin’s unexpected move to Crawford City - they must be rolling in it, and ambitious too to lure a world cup champion to an unranked UICA side: watch for them over the next couple of seasons. If they’re going to spend big, I’d want to be in there with my stable of players, for sure. Anyway, I think prices for the band of eleven would go something like one and a half times the top dollar price; you’re looking 43 million readies minimum for any of these eleven, I’m sure of it, and 35 for the subs - at least.”

Izzy Worthette:

“And so to the shortlist for the player of the cycle. This is where we get to the real nitty gritty - thirty-eight becomes six. And the nominees, in alphabetical order, are:”

Andrew Arrowsword	18	ST	CEN	Real Azuris
Roddy Fraser 20 ST AUD AFC Treason
Ilglerdiriel Lithvathar 733 AML VAL Raynor City United
Pedrinho 31 ST VLD Directus
Adnan Szalai 26 MR NPH Ulsa
Rodolfo Zelaya 31 CF SJG 1830 Cathair FC

Ezra Carp:

“Arrowsword’s contribution to his side’s sensational Champions Cup victory gets him on the short-list and I’m hardly surprised. He and Fraser are two young sensations who are going to dominate world football for years to come. The other four are household names already of course and it’s difficult to separate them. It will be difficult to separate them from their clubs too - inflation for these six on the Galacticos Shortlist means we’ll be talking silly money here - one and a half times the astronomical prices we were talking about before. Don’t expect to land any of these diamonds for less than 65 million nicker.”

Izzy Worthette:

“Talking of young sensations, let’s move on to the Boldsport Young Player of the Cycle, sponsored by NomNom world famous confectioners - because sometimes, sour sugar is good for you. With a number of young players competing right at the top of the sport already, this was a difficult and tightly-contested affair. And the winner of a lifetimes’ supply of sugar toucans and chocolate toads is…”

.Roddy Fraser

Kirtland Straw:

“As Rodraig Fraser stepped up to take Audioslavia's fourth penalty of the World Cup semi-final shoot-out, he probably wasn't thinking to himself 'hey, if I can score this, my country will have been in 11.8% of all World Cup Final games ever'.

What's more likely to have been going through the player's mind, however, is something along the lines of ‘crikey o’reilly’.

Whether or not Fraser was thinking about the weight of history, he scored Audioslavia's winning penalty with all the confidence and ease of a man who seemed to know which way the goalie was going to dive before he even took the penalty. Fraser's celebration, more relieved than anything else, showed just how far the young striker has come since his incident-ridden international debut last year. The boy has become the man.”

Izzy Worthette:

“Err, Kirtland, are you quoting Jeremy Jaffacake there?”

Kirtland Straw:

“Well, that’s fair attribution, I suppose…”

Izzy Worthette:

“And so we come to the final presentation of the evening - the Boldsport Galactico Player of the Cycle, sponsored by legendary dealers in precious objects, The Nomarque Mint of Taxhavn, who are providing the winner of this prestigious award with the equally presitgious prize of NothingTM - for the man, woman or person of indeterminate gender who has everything.

“It has been twenty-three years since the last issue of the Nomarque Mint. And now, at last, they present our finest creation to date: Orbis Vacuume, the latest in a legendary line of Product No.1’s by the world famous Mint. 134.373924 millilitres of purest hard vacuum encased in a 3mm Adamant shell of 65.4mm diameter and an impossible 103.36% purity; nowhere in the entire multiverse will you find such extraordinary refinement, polished to a near frictionless 0.1255mu.

“And, naturally, it is beautiful beyond any useful scale of measurement.

“But there can be only one Supreme Galactico or player of the cycle (mainly because we could only afford one Orbis Vacuume) and finally we are at the point where we can reveal them. But first, there must be honourable mentions for the close runners-up. In third place…”

Ilglerdiriel Lithvathar

Kirtland Straw:

“At 733 years old, the elfin winger at mighty Raynor City United is no spring chicken by any measure but continues to impress at the very highest level, and just completed a fine season. Winner of a Champions Cup medal the previous season, Lithvathar is dynamic in attack but with enough speed and sense of the pitch to make up on any sort of defensive lapse. She is not nearly as skilled as some of her United team-mates, but do not let that fool you, in a moment of magic she can undress an entire backline and set up more prolific scorers with easy chances… and yes, for the record, that’s a quote too.”

Izzy Worthette:

“In second place, and what a magnificent rise to the top of world football it has been in such a short space of time…”

Roddy Fraser

Kirtland Straw:

“With a World Cup runners-up medal and a Champions Cup semi-final medal in this last cycle you could be forgiven for thinking young Roddy is a bit of a nearly man - and in some sense you would be right: he’s an Audioslav after all. So no surprise he has come second in the Galactico Index; but let’s not forget the lad is only 20. He has the world at his feet and I’m sure we’ll see him collect plenty of gongs or empty balls or whatever it is you're giving out in the future.”

Izzy Worthette:

“And so, finally, ladies, gentlemen, persons of indeterminate gender, gender-irrelevant children and anthropomorphic creatures of the more distant corners of the multiverse - the winner of the Boldsport Galactico Player of the Cycle is:”

Adnan Szalai

Kirtland Straw:

“Adnan Szalai, the Ulsa wide midfielder, is deservedly labelled the best player in the multiverse, with his searing runs down the right, a mazy unpredictability and a street-footballer's way of going through people either to cross, pass or score himself - that’s what I read in the Brinemouth Herald, and I can’t disagree with that. Winning the midfield player of the season in Eura for his contribution to the Ulsa cause, he starred in the team that won the Globe Cup in Audioslavia and will surely go on to greater glory on the international stage.

Ezra Carp:

“He will surely also lead Ulsa to greater glory in club football Kirtland, not just because they are a fine team who will always compete at the very pinnacle of club football, but because no-one could afford to prise him away. Buying the Galactico will be a Galacti-con, I should think: he’s probably worth about one and a half times more than the silly money you’d have to spend on the Galactico shortlisters - so I think we’d be looking at an impossible bid of around 98 million frogskins or even into nine figures, if that’s even possible. People may laugh now, but seriously - I can’t see him going for less at the moment.”

Izzy Worthette:

“And that concludes the Boldsport Galactico World Player of the Multiverse for the present cycle. It only leaves me to assure the audience that Ezra Carp’s estimations of the world transfer market are entirely his own and clubs can spend whatever the hell they like on players during the appropriate windows. In a related note, and conversely, Kirtland Straw’s opinions are entirely not his own and come from quotes he has read on the International Domestic Soccer Newswires and in World Cup forum threads.

“We’re all off to paint the town a modest shade of green. Any complaints about the final decisions should be directed to spamfolder@boldsport.oi.

For those who are interested, there was method to this madness. Taking top 20 UICA teams, top 10 national teams, loads of searches, marking down RP comments, looking at transfers, and coming to some form of RP bonus scoring led to the result you see here. Not very scientific but based on what I could see and read. The lesson for future galacticos: get a move to a top UICA club that does a lot of newswire posts… other nations RPing about your stars counts double… the count begins again after the Cygnus Cup final.
On indefinite hiatus with pressing RL adventures
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BoF '44 (Tamarindia) | NSWC '65 (Wight) | CoH '68 (Bonesea)

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Civil Rights Lovefest

{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-579 Preview

Postby Bonesea » Sat Dec 24, 2016 4:20 am


PREVIEW – Bonesligg Season SB-579

Champions – Florence Boldclub
Manager: Des Jeruselem
Captain: Erasmo Félix (Tamarindia)
Superstar: Tuw Turk
Fans’ Hero: Des Jeruselem
Watch For: Tanny McFarland (20)

In: Asteróide (Dainer) from Brunzundangas, DAI; Paracoílson (Capivara) from Ohiderts, DAI; Wilfried Ciza (Zenega) from Ocean Cadets u19s.
Out: JK Cottle to Handon United, SCH; MG Grumbla to Port Sebastian, SCH.
Retired: Boddicius Crane (37); Jérôme Paris (33)

Des Jeruselem has turned the club around from their worst ever season to the powerhouse team in Bonesea once more, with fans hoping they will soon catch their local neighbours Spittalmarine in terms of national titles won, sitting just two behind them at the moment. But this could be a tricky season for the Green Faeries, losing two key players in centre-back JK Cottle and veteran striker Jérôme Paris. In this first season where Bonesea has connected with multiversal football, it is no surprise some of the nation’s stars will be drawn away and JK is one of the first to be attracted by a pro contract, heading off to Schottia to sign for Handon United. In rising young star Par Polgigga, Coach Jeruselem will feel he has the ideal replacement, and has promoted another promising defender Bu Griffin from Bold Youth as back-up. Meanwhile Septen Islander Jérôme Paris has retired at 33, not fancying an early season start despite a first chance to play UICA football. The ex-striker joins another previous club centre-forward and Baptism of Fire hero Billy Sermons on the backroom team with Coach Jeruselem. With Tanny McFarland breaking through into the first team picture last season, along with champion moose-jockey Austin Smith and the Deadly Berber, Abdul-Aziz Zaman, Coach Jeruselem obviously feels he has decent stock up front but brings in reinforcements with the signings of two veteran foreign journeymen strikers, Asteróide of Dainer and and the Capivaran Paracoílson - hoping no doubt to bring experience from a decent standard league in the Superliga Daineri.

As the first representatives of Bonesea in UICA Champions Cup, the Boldclub will have to be in work early to negotiate the preliminary stages of the competition, and will hope not to be entirely annihilated in the first match. The early start should see them hit the ground running in the Bonesligg, but will it have a negative impact in the run-in?

BoneBet: Des Jeruselem looks a master at this funny old game of football management, and in Asteróide, we predict he has unearthed an out—of-this-world gem; no-one will stop them – 1st.

Runners-Up – Start-93
Manager: Buccus Hike
Captain: Shilling Blue
Superstar: Shilling Blue
Fans’ Hero: Duald Dunbar
Watch For: Hewney Abrahamsen (19)

In: Tomás Quinlan (Skoppa) from Athletic Spit; Santos Iturburua (Tamarindia) from 1.FC Tocklehove;
Out: Currian Cort to FC Soessch, SCH; Cephus Hunt to La Gorlions, SCH; Goulchan Omnes to Gymnasia Scold
Retired: Newton Sachs (35); Glinn Ugalde (24)

The Geese stunned the Bonesligg last season with a tilt at the title, matching their best ever finish in the end with second place. That was in no small part down to the triumvirate of strikers Cephus Hunt and the Zenegalese Adisa Thoko Afolayan with inside forward Currian Cort, who together looked far greater than the sum of their parts. The challenge was always going to be about keeping them together - a challenge which, to the despair of their supporters, they have been unable to rise to. Tempted by new money in the ambitious Schottic Premier League, Currian Cort has flown the nest for FC Soessch, while Cephus Hunt moves to La Gorlions. The club have managed to keep hold of Adisa Thoko, but are relying on new men Tomás Quinlan and Santos Iturburua to fill in the gaps. Neither looks likely to succeed - the Skoppan and the Tamarindian have been around the league for some time with accomplishing a great deal, and both were released by their clubs last season - Athletic Spit and 1.FC Tocklhove respectively - without playing a game. Start still have quality in keeper Duald Dunbar and centreback Shilling Blue, we must not forget that, plus Afolayan and inside right Lukas Markusson. But their talent has been whittled away over the last few seasons and it surely means a return to expectation as a perennial struggler.

BoneBet: Unable to recover from key player losses, the Geese will not see the heights they reached last season against all odds – 9th.

3rd – Athletic Spit
Manager: Ruan Buzzard
Captain: Carharrack Olsen
Superstar: Reskadinnick Jones
Fans’ Hero: Donkey Ray Harton
Watch For: Lash Jones (20)

In: Hércules Menezes (USI) from Projext +90 (EUR); Daveth Restoria from Spartans FF Liarby; Democritus Huang from Stockett Brigade;
Out: Tomás Quinlan to Start-93; Gonna Calhoun to Elspachia (MRC)
Retired: -

With a strong focus on bringing through talent from the Young Folk academy, Ruan Buzzard at Athletic has generally been conservative in the transfer market and continues to form with one notable exception. Dipping into the newly-opened international transfer market - at least new to Bonesea… and specifically only the free transfer market given the amateur nature of the league - Buzzard has signed promising young Sunrisian striker Hércules Menezes from the Euran Project +90 development team to boost his forward options, and it will be interesting to see just how influential the exotic forward can be in the Bonesligg. Buzzard’s only other signings were both standout strikers from the lower leagues, with Daveth Restoria from Spartans FF Liarby and prolific Democritus Huang inevitably finding his way into the top division after scoring 39 times in 36 games for rampant Stockett Brigade as they won the Ligg-4 title by a country kilometre. At 26 Huang is a bit of a late bloomer in Churning terms and Athletic are a young-looking squad with an average age of under 23, suggesting that if he gets it right, Buzzard is building a team that could dominate for some time. All the signs are that the young new Ancients team can do just that, although they’ll have a mighty battle with their cross-town rivals Boldclub if they want it all their own way.

Athletic move into their new stadium, St. Leah’s Ground, which opens with Independent Associations Championship hosting duties as the 21,400-seater arena replaces Boldpark as the new national arena, and Athletic will hope to replace the Boldclub as the new nationally-dominant team.

BoneBet: Expect more gains on last season, but they aren’t exactly the Boldclub - yet: 2nd.

4th – Spittalmarine
Manager: Fistral McCrary
Captain: ZC Tannager
Superstar: Conchobar Wickett
Fans’ Hero: Úlfr Rask (Vættr)
Watch For: Nacho Zambrano (Tamarindia, 20)

In: Adrián Larin (Medician Is.) from Young Refugees FC; Rebbe Gyr from Torpedo Spitney.
Out: Mark McAlexander to Moss FC; Jesus Alonso (Tamarindia) to Viking Tananger;
Retired: Dara Christensen (35)

While Athletic focus on youth, Fistral McCrary at the Mariners has relied on experience for some years and continues to do so with the oldest average squad in the league. Supporters will be dismayed by the lack of activity in the transfer market for the Globe Cup team, which started promisingly with the long-expected transfer of young sensation Rebbe Gyr from locals Torpedo Spitney, but that was almost the extent of it. A highly rated young refugee from the CTE Medician Isles, Adrián Larin, provides the only other new face at the club while the first in what is likely to be a string of retirements over the coming couple of seasons began with much-loved centre-back Dara Christensen hanging up his boots. The biggest surprise was the transfer of Mark McAlexander, a stalwart forward, to Moss FC, fuelling rumours of a breakdown in relationships with the coach. Fans at the club are bewildered by the lack of progress in recent years as the Spittalninnies seem to have entered the doldrums, just about making the Globe Cup places. While Boldsport predicts a similar 4th place finish this time around as well, supporters expect more of the nation’s most successful team, but worry about where it will come from. There are grumblings that it is time for a change at the top, something which is rare in the Bonesligg, but it will be the inevitable consequence of stagnation at a club used to having things all their own way.

BoneBet: McCrary to struggle holding onto his hat, and his job, with another inadequate season for the mighty Mariners – 4th.

5th – Moss FC
Manager: Camillo Jones
Captain: Jackdaw Verrin
Superstar: EA Skewes
Fans’ Hero: Jackdaw Verrin
Watch For: Ruben Roche (20)

In: Filipp Nashoba (Amberian Is.) from SG Viking Uunnabtut, ABI; Mark McAlexander from Spittalmarine
Out: Budannon Chaffinch to Orchids (TXH); Napoléon to Cednia Beach AFC (TUR)
Retired: Alpin Stacey (35)

Everything looked very promising for Moss FC as the off-season was progressing. Making solid ground in the league in recent seasons, manager Camillo Jones has impressed with his tactical nous and his eye for a good player. He was quick to dip his toe in the international market with the signing of Filip Nashova from the Amberian Islands before the nation imploded, and pulled of a real coup by nabbing Mark McAlexander from Spittalmarine, exploiting an opportunity as things begin to wobble for the big club up north. Tinkering around the edges of his squad, he has products of the renowned Juvenil academy breaking into the first team in Stokoe Bartail and new international winger Ruben Roche, with keeper Július Svabo, inside forward Pacifique Kokolo and striker Traise Akers all on the fringes on the team. Everything seemed green at Moss FC. And then Napoléon went AWOL. Reportedly chasing professional contracts in Ao, he abandoned club and country in controversial circumstances, deselecting himself from the national team’s inaugural IAC squad and walking out on his club without so much as a by-your-leave. The risk has paid off for him with a lucrative and high-profile contract at Cednia Beach AFC in Turori, but it leaves Camillo Jones with huge star-shaped hole in his plans back home in chilly Bonesea. Fans of the national team will forgive Napoléon, as national coach Pythagoras Jones has requested, when he returns to the fold for the Sailors, probably in the next World Cup qualifying cycle. But at the Bryophytes, they will have a hard time ever mentioning his name again.

While the departure of their key man is a blow, we shouldn’t forget there is a lot of rising talent at the club, plus the combative presence of international cousins EA and Ansell Skewes who are approaching their career peak. Mark McAlexander provides some of the experience lost while Filipp Nashoba will feel the weight of expectation in taking on Napoléon’s number 10 shirt - difficult to know how close he will get to healing that particular wound.

BoneBet: Despite the last-minute AWOL blow the Bryophytes are in good shape; nothing to worry about – 5th.

6th – Viking Tananger
Manager: Buzza McCarthy & Chilli-Bean Acosta
Captain: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Superstar: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Fans’ Hero: Chilli-Bean Acosta
Watch For: Calvo Jones-Watergate (22)

In: Lamonaco from Oysterhaven Reds; Jesus Alonso (Tamarindia) from Spittalmarine; Calvo Jones-Watergate from Athletic Spit;
Out: Stennack Stonechat to 1.FC Tocklehove;
Retired: Rémi Auguste St Pierre (36), Mark Penner (31)

Finally giving up their Kop dominance last season after three titles in a row and six years without defeat in the competition left Viking with a bit of a loss of purpose - despite being champions as recently as five seasons ago they are far from being a title contender now and the consolation of apparent guaranteed success in the Kop has gone. For much-loved management pair Buzza McCarthy and Chilli-Bean Acosta, filling the boots of genius coach Professor Kett will be the hardest challenge of their professional careers - The Prof kept Viking punching well above their weight for years. Buzza and Chilli-Bean will have the full and unconditional support of their hometown come what may, but it is hard to see how they will manage The Prof’s trick on present resources. In Mark Penner and Rémi Auguste St Pierre they have lost two key veterans as well, and must rely on unearthing rough diamonds - like keeper Lamonaco - from the lower leagues, or revitalising unfulfilled promise of other clubs’ rejects, as they hope to with Jesus Alonso from Spittalmarine and Calvo Jones-Watergate from Athletic. The latter certainly looks a prospect and it was a bit of a surprise he wasn’t given more time at the Ancients. In Lilian Mbo and Teppo Gulbrandsen the Vikings have a couple of international forwards, but the squad is thin on star quality, relying too much on captain and player-coach Chilli-Bean Acosta. Key will be the relationship between the club and local junior side Latiñeros, run by old Viking favourite Taribio Gallo. This season they have signed youngsters Jax Colombo and Levan Messa from the academy, and will hope a production line of talented Tamarindians might bolster the prospects of a team that has to perform miracles every season to match it’s recent glittering heights.

BoneBet: Not an easy season for the legends that are coaching an average side at best – 6th.

7th – 1.FC Tocklehove
Manager: Grant Ventonmire
Captain: Schreck (Dainer)
Superstar: Pablo Barros (Tamarindia)
Fans’ Hero: Tabby Lanner
Watch For: Saturnin Diallo (Zenega, 17)

In: Stennack Stonechat from Viking Tananger; Schreck (Dainer) from Sokabachi (DAI); Saturnin Diallo (Zenega) from Rangers FF Tocklehove
Out: -
Retired: -

The Tockles look set for a long season of struggle despite pulling in a couple of decent signings in Stennack Stonechat, the forward at Viking who seemed set for an international path but lost his way, and monstrous Daineri Schreck who coach Grant Ventonmire appears to have recruited to single-handedly save a club who also seem to have lost their way. The well at academy Chavo FC has run dry in recent seasons and 1.FC aren’t having much joy in the transfer market. Their third-place finish two seasons ago looks a very long way away now and you can’t see past the basement position for the club. Rumour has it the chemistry in the dressing room has been at an all-time low with one too many fights at half-time last season; Ventonmire will be hoping the hulking Schreck will get some control back and force some team ethic on a bunch of largely disinterested individuals. Pundits and fans alike feel a complete clear-out and rebuild might be the only thing that can save this team from a long period of struggle. You can look to the retirement of club legend Vine Dawkins after the third-placed high as the start of the decline, the team captain and ‘motifman’ holding everything together. So it has been a canny move by coach Ventonmire to bring Dawkins onto the coaching squad for this season - the pair of them with Schreck may yet save them, but certainly there will have to be some serious reconstruction over the next couple of seasons to bring the pride back to Tockle Park.

BoneBet: It’s going to be grim up north this season – 10th.

8th – Grasshopper Club
Manager: Otteran ‘Otter’ Harrigan
Captain: Barra Smith
Superstar: PM Gyr
Fans’ Hero: Ernie Skewer
Watch For: Seb Harrigan (17) & Leonardo Ducaldo (USI, 21)

In: Yasir Ala al-Din (BBS) from Viking Tananger; Leonardo Ducaldo (USI) from Project +90 (SJG)
Out: Budge Wearne to Coral Island FC (MRC)
Retired: -

Here is a club on the rise. A village team from the lower reaches of the Bonesligg formerly known as Fenn Holt FC, when the area was designated the appropriate site for the international airport thirty years ago, it was the beginning of the growth of the urban town of Fennby and the rise of it’s first football club, who used to play in green and had the nickname Grasshoppers. Adopted by the Airport Authority syndicate first for it’s construction workers and then as a link to the growing community, rebranded and backed by the nation’s commercial flight syndicate AirBone, Grasshoppers have risen through the divisions. The player at the heart of it was Otter Harrigan - and now he leads as manager. Taking them up to the top flight as the first team promoted under the new and difficult Cumulative Promotion Rules, he continues to build a club that may one day dominate at the top of the national game. They are not there yet - not by any means - but a low mid-table finish continues to be an impressive feat for this fledgling club and the man who seems to have single-handedly run it. Backers are sensible with their ambition - it is an amateur league after all - and Otter Harrigan has an eye for a good deal in the market. And now, a new Harrigan - his boy Seb - is breaking through with equal promise. Expect a modest season on paper, but underneath that is the growing confidence that Grasshoppers will win something, and soon.

BoneBet: Not setting the world alight yet, but continuing to lay the foundation – 8th.

9th – SS Skiveness
Manager: Escobar de Cabanyas
Captain: Kenny Rising
Superstar: Marouaine Wånger Shanty
Fans’ Hero: Kenny Rising
Watch For: Sted Gluvian (22)

In: Escobar de Cabanyas (Audioslavia) from North Hall (BRE); Devin de Valle (Audioslavia) from Marque (BRE); Kvetoslav Irniq (Amberian Is.) from SC Victoria Kangerjaat (ABI); Delmar Baxter (Semarland) from FC York (SEM);
Out: Scredda Smith to Orga City (MRC) & Wheveral Allen to Zoloroni Metropolitan (MRC)
Retired: -

A period of decline for The Herrings culminated in a bitterly disappointing 9th place finish last season, and led to the departure of coach XY Hallew. Generally considered the main power outside of the capital, SS have drifted so far off the pace that major surgery was needed. To the delight of their fanbase, the syndicate running the club have been prepared to wield the knife in dramatic fashion, with a bold new plan and some impressive imports. It all began with the coach. Breaking with all tradition, The Herrings signed the league’s first foreign coach in Audioslav journeyman footballer Escobar de Cabanyas, recently released from decent UICA club North Hall in Brenecia. While never considered a player of consequence in his home nation, he started his playing career with some promise which never quite flourished into the world class standards of many of his countrymen. Still he has been a solid performer through the years, will be a standout at this level since he has signed player terms as well, and is widely considered to have decent potential as a coach. The Fellowship (FA) is looking closely at the deal to ensure he is not on a professional contract for his playing role, but it is believed the Herrings have found a workaround with the coaching role, where full-time salaried staff are permitted. It is an ambitious move and beyond anything seen in Bonesea before - but it has been just the start. Escobar’s first move was to sign an assistant, and player-coach, also from Audioslavia and also just released from his contract in Brenecia - Devin de Valle. Then came Kvetoslav Irniq from the imploding Amberian Islands, and Delmar Baxter from Semarland. The moves have sent shockwaves through the local game - and the syndicate running the club are believed not to be stopping there. SS Skiveness are back - and back with a foreign-sounding bang (a krak, or raporto, perhaps).

BoneBet: Expect to find the Herrings up where they feel they belong – 3rd.

10th - Gymnasia Scold
Manager: Wellard Corfe
Captain: Alf Hall
Superstar: Skua Ortiz
Fans’ Hero: Navarino Smith
Watch For: Huddy Hugus (19)

In: Karl Boness (Semarland) from Copenbrok Klub (SEM); Goulchan Omnes from Start-93
Out: Tim Knute Grahn (Vættr) to Brampton United (MRC); Seleven Grosbeak to Orchids (TXH)
Retired: Caradon Forge (44)

The team from the western end of the Isle of Skive are the antithesis of their eastern island rivals SS. That is not to say the club lacks ambition - but Gymnasia has always been a small family club with a realistic outlook and a surprising amount of modest success for a club of their size, performing for most of their history in the top flight of Boney churning. To finish tenth out of ten does not engender panic at the club, and the anxiety of potential future relegation is assuaged by the calm confidence that they will be back in the top division soon enough. The team has it’s fair share of decent performers too - with Skua Ortiz and Navarino Smith both internationals, and a clutch of well-experienced churners who have played together for years. The loss to retirement of club legend Caradon Forge will be a blow - he went on as long as he could, 44 years old when he finished - but he joins the management team as would be expected in such a close-knit club. That tightness in the team will always win them through tough times and they will bounce back, with other clubs around them looking far more vulnerable with a deal less team spirit.

The club is not entirely insular though and impressed observers with the free transfer of Copenbrok Klub stopper Kark Boness, the Semarland keeper their first dip into the international transfer market and shaping up as quite a catch.

BoneBet: The family club to batten down the shutters and find some extra reserve for a modest season – 7th.



Finally the Bonesea contingent are able to participate in UICA competitions! With the teams so lowly ranked and inexperienced, they will have to begin early in the local off-season with a series of preliminary matches which are expected to be painful and over too quickly - it is all part of the learning process for the ambitions of the nation’s football clubs. Florence Boldclub almost have to start in the middle of last week with their first preliminary round place in the Champions Cup - one of ten teams who will start so early in the competition with a two-legged tie against AC Serone of Juvencus. In what appears to be an even match, the Boldclub might hope to get an early UICA win under their belt.

In the first preliminary of the Globe Cup, Spittalmarine pull Sebio City of Eshan while Athletic will begin their UICA journey with a tie against Yukikawa Glaceons of Kirisaki - both sides not fancied to progress any further. Meanwhile Start-93 begin their adventures in the third preliminary round and by that alone may well be the last team left standing in UICA competition, a quirk of the early seeding arrangements.

In the Series B Champions Cup, surprise qualifiers Turbine Moss FF could not have wished for a tougher draw pulling the Cosumarites Pelethas United in the first preliminary round, while Fishers Grimsea draw Lexington of Azrea and will hope they at least might get a result. Turbine FF Gallowsea, the Bonseligg-2 champions, enter at the third preliminary round stage.

First Preliminary Rounds

(JUE)                 AC Serone    0–2    Florence Boldclub         (BSE)   0–1   0–1

Boldclub are jubilant to reach the second preliminary round as coach Des Jeruselem masterminds home and away wins for the Green Faeries in their UICA debut matches. Tuw Turk hits the winner in Juvencus to give the Boldclub a solid hope for progression, while a full house at the Boldpark sees the Daineri Asteróide in a green and white shirt for the first time and he wows them, at the tender age of 35, with a commanding performance in the centre of the front seven. Austin Smith hits the winner and the Boldclub are through.

(ESH)                Sebio City    2–6    Spittalmarine             (BSE)   0–3   2–3 
(MZY) Yukikawa Glaceons 1–3 Athletic Spit (BSE) 1–1 0–2

Both the Mariners and the Ancients stun what might be considered better opposition, with Spittalmarine especially impressing in their 3-0 win in Eshan, with Conchobar Wickett (2) and Idless Jones demonstrating there is life in the old dogs yet. With the tie effectively over, they stroll to a 3-0 lead at the Boldpark in the return, only to be pegged back late on. But they are consolation goals as Spittalmarine win through. Athletic begin their campaign with a creditable if lucky draw in Kirisaki, but really impress in the return leg at St. Leah’s, with a confident Reskadinnick Jones brace inspired victory. They draw Deportivo Junín of Valadares in the next round, which will be a glamour tie that they can only hope won’t end in a complete trouncing. Spittalmarine also come out with a decent draw that will likely end their competition with a bang - the mighty Navel FC of the Whirl Islands.

(AZA)                 Lexington    2–7    Fishers Grimsea           (BSE)   1–4   1–3
(COS) Pelethas United 3–2 Turbine Moss FF (BSE) 2–1 1–1

The Fishers look supremely confident in strolling through their first ever UICA ties with comfortable wins in both legs, crushing the spirit of Lexington in the first game with a swashbuckling 4-1 win for the perfect start to international club football. Turbine Moss FF are the only club to go out in the first preliminary rounds, as expected, despite an impressive draw in the home tie down at The Verge. Pelethas United are too strong for them in the first game, although once again Turbine refuse to cave in and manage to keep the score entirely respectable.

Second Preliminary Rounds

(BSE)         Florence Boldclub    4–0    Blackfort City            (HSZ)   2–0   2–0

Des Jeruselem seems to have got hopes high in the Florence district as Boldclub complete two impressive wins over fellow debutants Blackfort City to reach the third preliminary round of the Champions Cup. It’s an impossible dream - could the Green Faeries be playing UICA football into the main rounds? Abdul-Aziz Zaman and Jean-Luc Sanna strike to secure a solid home win, and then Asteróide scores his first goals for the club, bagging a brace in the away ties the Boldclub go through with an impressive clean sheet, yet to concede in UICA football after four games. They will face FC Jansberg of Semarland in the third round, knowing in reality their Champions Cup adventure will end there and hoping for an impressive and dignified exit into the Globe Cup.

(VLD)           Deportivo Junín    2–4    Athletic Spit             (BSE)   2–1   0–3 
(BSE) Spittalmarine 2–4 Navel FC (WRL) 1–2 1–2

Spittalmarine go down fighting in both ties to complete their first experience in the UICA, and no-one could take away decent performances as they lose 1-2 home and away. But the first real shock provided to the world by Bonesea clubs comes in the second tie at St. Leah’s. Having lost 1-2 in Valladares (mistakenly travelling to Junín only to be turned away on the outskirts of the city for being Johnny Foreigner, and having to hotfoot it across to Metropolis where Deportivo were impatiently waiting at a delayed kick-off) - a narrow defeat far better than they could’ve hoped for - the Ancients play Deportivo off the park in the second leg, Ruan Buzzard’s side picking up a famous 3-0 win to go through to the third preliminary round. The Valladars are overpowered by the four Jones brothers on the pitch, with Nobb scoring the opener, while Sunrisian Hércules Menezes stuns the visitors for the second and Daveth Restoria completes a deserved pounding with the third. That win earns the Ancients a tie against Qidade Savana of Jasĭyun in the third preliminary with people wondering if, in fact, Boney clubs are actually quite good at this sort of thing. Meanwhile Start-93 begin their tournament with a pairing against Alissar Phoenix of Osarius, knowing that the bar has been set high by Athletic, Boldclub and indeed Spittalmarine who go out with some credit for their performances.

(WRL)                  Arica FC    2–6    Fishers Grimsea           (BSE)   1–1   1–5

While Athletic’s famous victory made all the headlines one night, we shouldn’t forget the achievements of Fishers Grimsea who cruised through their second leg tie against impressive opponents from the Whirl Islands, once again securing the biggest win of any Boney club in the round with a sound thrashing of Arica FC. It looked for all the world like a lucky result in the Whirl Islands with a 1-1 draw against a backdrop of almost constant pressure, but coach Artigan Smith turned the tie on it’s head in the second leg, where overcome by the extreme conditions of the remote north western coast of Bonesea, Arica FC collapsed entirely. The Fishers will face Cachimbo Amplo of Dainer in the third preliminary round hoping beyond hope to reach the group stages, while Turbine FF Gallowsea finally enter the competition with a tough draw against New Oxford Nucleus of Ceni.

Third Preliminary Rounds

(SEM)               FC Jansberg    2–3    Florence Boldclub         (BSE)   2–2   0–1

Incredibly, Florence Boldclub make it through to the start of the season proper still holding a place in the Champions Cup, following another famous win at the Boldpark. What an acquisition Asteróide seems to have been for Des Jeruselem - his man-of-the-match performance in Jansberg secured a magnificent hard-fought draw with two vital away goals from the Daineri himself and Silian Drake. With that platform to build on, fans saw Coach Jeruselem’s other international signing for the first time, Paracoílson, make his debut in the home tie. He set up a stunning winner for Austin Smith as the Green Faeries were able to celebrate the end of pre-season with a fifth win in six Champions Cup preliminary games, and five clean sheets. Best of all the win sets up a tie with the mighty Vilitan giants Turoki Tide in the play-off round, and though that may signal the end of their progression in the Champions Cup, no-one can deny what a stunning debut it has been.

(JSY)             Qidade Savana    1–2    Athletic Spit             (BSE)   1–1   0–1 
(OSR) Alissar Phoenix 4–3 Start-93 (BSE) 2–2 2–1

Like their crosstown rivals at the Boldpark, Athletic continue to defy the odds and reach the competition proper and a spot in the Globe Cup play-off round with a shock victory over Qidade Savana, providing another night of high entertainment at St.Leah’s where the Ancients overcame their storied visitors thanks to a Hércules Menezes winner in injury time. The hosts already looked through on away goals with Savana out of ideas and feeling sorry for themselves in the bitter cold of a night in Spittalsea, when the new Sunrisian youngster blindsided a shivering defender and put Athletic in front. They will face an Osarian side in Real Jraxville in the next round with a warning from up the road in Gannet where Start-93 lost at home to Alissar Phoenix after an impressive draw in Osarius. It was a short appearance in the competition for The Geese but like the other Boney sides coming out of the competitions, they played with gusto and impressed in defeat.

(BSE)      Turbine FF Gallowsea    3–6    New Oxford Nucleus        (CEN)   3–3   0–3 
(DAI) Cachimbo Amplo 5–6 Fishers Grimsea (BSE) 2–3 3–3

Fishers Grimsea found the going much harder in the third preliminary round against a strong Daineri side but prevailed in the end with a display of muscular attacking determination, once more providing some of the best UICA entertainment to be had for Bonesfolk even in the shadow of some famous matches in the more senior competitions. They have won the affections of the nation for their performances and progress into the main tournament play-off with a tie against Gatineau UC 98 of Valladares; With Whirl Islanders and Valladars having already fallen to Bonesfolk in this tournament UC 98 won’t be underestimating the Fishers and this will be a tough match indeed. Turbine FF Gallowsea go out at the first attempt after a thriller at Greenfinch Lane ended all square. The return in Ceni was a game too far for Turbine and they were really the only Boney club to be completely outplayed in a UICA fixture, well beaten by 3 goals to nil.

Play-Off Draws

Against all the odds, Bonesea remain represented in all UICA competitions at the first attempt.

Champions Cup: Florence Boldclub vs. Turoki Tide (VIL)
Globe Cup: Athletic Spit vs. Real Jraxville (OSR)
Series-B C Cup: Fishers Grimsea vs. Gatineau UC 98 (VLD)
Last edited by Bonesea on Sun Jan 01, 2017 1:29 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-579 Oppenligg

Postby Bonesea » Sat Dec 24, 2016 3:02 pm



For four clubs in Bonesligg-1 the season started early preliminary rounds in UICA competition, followed by extended runs for Florence Boldclub and, to some extent, Athletic Spit. The drain on resources early in the season was especially apparent at the Boldclub, who struggled to get started and have spent the first half of the season, the Oppenligg, in a perpetual state of catch up following a terrible start with only one win in their first nine games. While this featured five draws, there were notable back-to-back 4-8 and 1-5 defeats to Athletic and Viking respectively, leaving the Green Faeries sixteen points off the lead at the quartermark. But Des Jeruselem has not panicked as confidence grew with a great UICA run, players acclimatised to the demands of so much football, and the gap began to close. Now, moving into the second half of the season, the Shuttligg, they have closed the gap to nine points and are the form team of the moment, while the three ahead of them fight it out. While Tuw Turk, Austin Smith and Erasmo Félix have provided the style and flair throughout the campaign, it is the Daineri old warrior Asteróide who has proven the signing of the season, defying his 35 years to turn in a magnificent series of performances to wow his new supporters. The muscular, angry fellow is perfect for the physical demands of the domestic game and has won a huge following at the Boldpark with his ‘full-blooded’ approach to the game, rapidly being spoken of in terms of club legends.

Bonesligg-One Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Athletic Spit 18 12 3 3 55 31 +24 39
2 Grasshopper Club 18 11 3 4 60 27 +33 36
3 SS Skiveness 18 10 4 4 49 38 +11 34
4 Florence Boldclub 18 8 6 4 39 29 +10 30
5 Start-93 18 6 6 6 38 44 −6 24
6 Moss FC 18 4 7 7 33 35 −2 19
7 Viking Tananger 18 5 4 9 34 41 −7 19
8 Spittalmarine 18 4 6 8 24 31 −7 18
9 Gymnasia Scold 18 4 6 8 21 34 −13 18
10 1.FC Tocklehove 18 2 3 13 21 64 −43 9

While the Boldclub are coming on strong now, Ruan Buzzard’s Athletic have not missed a beat all season, and appeared unaffected by their place in UICA competition to run neck and neck all the way with surprise package Grasshopper Club. They too have found a foreign type who is a natural for the greasy churn in young Hércules Menezes, the 21-year old Sunrisian striker released by Project +90 in Eura. While Asteróide provides the assists at Boldclub, Hércules bangs in the goals for the Ancients up the road at St.Leah’s, leading the way in the goalscoring chart with 12 in 18 league games so far. Grasshoppers have surprised everyone by leading for most of the season, as coach Otter Harrigan gets his modest squad firing on all cylinders every week. Their spectacular 10-2 win over last season’s runner-up Start-93 in week 3 fired a warning to everyone, and they’ve been out in front ever since, only surrendering the lead at the top in week 18 with a 0-1 home defeat to the Boldclub, while Athletic took out struggling Viking. Veteran Ernie Skewer is having the time of his life with his hometown club Grasshoppers, and looks a perfect mentor for upcoming international Colan Mackay-Coss, who has stepped up to first team duties confidently to bang in ten goals during the Oppenligg. The signing of Yasir Ala al-Din from Viking Tananger looks like it might be one of the surprise deals of the season - the Berber was released after failing to impress in four seasons at Viking, but has stepped up magnificently to terrorise defences with his elusive running and languid style. So far there have been only a few appearances of new youngster Josúe Kubi, a Zenegalese immigrant who was promoted from the team’s under-19 team, but he has got everyone talking about his exuberant halfback performances: this is one to watch, and the coach is quite excited about him.

In what looks like it will be a four-moose chase to the finish line, Audioslav joint coaches Escobar de Cabanyas and Devin de Valle have performed miracles overnight at SS Skiveness, as they have confidently put the Herrings in the mix for a first title in six seasons with a wholly foreign-accented approach to the game. Exciting to watch, technically precise and tactically efficient, SS are a joy to watch. They need to eradicate some inconsistency in their game which is entirely to be expected of a team adapting to a whole new approach under new management, and if they can get that during the Shuttligg they could well be in it for the top spot at the end. The Audioslavs are the stars on the field as well as off of it, and seem to have selected well in bringing in Delmar Baxter, the Semar inside right who has adapated well to the demands of football this far north. The only blot on their copybook may be Kevotslav Irniq, the Amberian refugee, who looks entirely out of his depth at this level. Fans will be wondering if Scredda Smith was dispatched to Mercedini a little too quickly, with Sted Gluvian also looking a little out of sorts.

While Start-93 have not reached the heights of last season, they have at least defied expectations of a poor season with a comfortable mid-table position, while poor 1.FC Tocklehove look all at sea as predicted by most pundits, with the poorest record in all the divisions. It started disastrously with an 8-1 tonking at the Boldclub - who themselves had little to shout about in the first quarter of the season - and never recovered. They will be wishing their season could end now so coach Grant Ventonmire can start the urgent rebuild everyone predicted would have to happen at some point soon. Gymnasia Scold, Viking Tananger and Moss FC will all feel they could have done better in the Oppenligg whilst knowing a mid-table finish was always likely to be their best hope, but things have gone disastrously wrong for Fistral McCrary at Spittalmarine, as they have struggled all season. The poor form of usual contenders Conchobar Wickett and Idless Jones, the long-term injury to Godwin Ba, the loss of confidence of keeper Godfrey Jones, and the failure, so far, of Nacho Zambrano and Rebbe Gyr to reach the anticipated heights of their first seasons in the starting eleven at the Mariners have all combined to leave Spittalmarine very much at the wrong end of the table, with Fistral looking anxiously over his shoulder. It has all the hallmarks of their fierce rivals’ Florence Boldclub’s collapse a few years ago which Coach Jeruselem has put firmly behind them. The shoe looks distinctly on the other foot at the Boldpark now, with co-tenants Spittalmarine in rapid and largely inexplicable decline. It surely cannot continue for another season, can it?

Viking Tananger 1–3 Grasshopper Club
Start-93 0–3 Athletic Spit
Moss FC 0–1 SS Skiveness
Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Spittalmarine
Florence Boldclub 8–1 1.FC Tocklehove

Grasshopper Club 5–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Spittalmarine 1–1 Florence Boldclub
SS Skiveness 3–1 Gymnasia Scold
Athletic Spit 1–5 Moss FC
Viking Tananger 1–7 Start-93

Start-93 2–10 Grasshopper Club
Moss FC 1–5 Viking Tananger
Gymnasia Scold 0–1 Athletic Spit
Florence Boldclub 0–0 SS Skiveness
1.FC Tocklehove 3–5 Spittalmarine

Grasshopper Club 3–1 Spittalmarine
SS Skiveness 5–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Athletic Spit 8–4 Florence Boldclub
Viking Tananger 1–3 Gymnasia Scold
Start-93 1–0 Moss FC

Moss FC 2–0 Grasshopper Club
Gymnasia Scold 1–1 Start-93
Florence Boldclub 1–5 Viking Tananger
1.FC Tocklehove 0–7 Athletic Spit
Spittalmarine 0–3 SS Skiveness

Grasshopper Club 7–1 SS Skiveness
Athletic Spit 3–1 Spittalmarine
Viking Tananger 0–3 1.FC Tocklehove
Start-93 1–1 Florence Boldclub
Moss FC 3–0 Gymnasia Scold

Gymnasia Scold 0–3 Grasshopper Club
Florence Boldclub 1–1 Moss FC
1.FC Tocklehove 0–1 Start-93
Spittalmarine 2–2 Viking Tananger
SS Skiveness 0–3 Athletic Spit

Grasshopper Club 5–1 Athletic Spit
Viking Tananger 0–1 SS Skiveness
Start-93 4–2 Spittalmarine
Moss FC 3–7 1.FC Tocklehove
Gymnasia Scold 0–0 Florence Boldclub

Florence Boldclub 0–3 Grasshopper Club
1.FC Tocklehove 1–1 Gymnasia Scold
Spittalmarine 1–0 Moss FC
SS Skiveness 5–3 Start-93
Athletic Spit 7–1 Viking Tananger

Grasshopper Club 3–3 Viking Tananger
Athletic Spit 3–1 Start-93
SS Skiveness 5–3 Moss FC
Spittalmarine 3–1 Gymnasia Scold
1.FC Tocklehove 1–3 Florence Boldclub

1.FC Tocklehove 1–5 Grasshopper Club
Florence Boldclub 1–0 Spittalmarine
Gymnasia Scold 1–0 SS Skiveness
Moss FC 1–3 Athletic Spit
Start-93 3–0 Viking Tananger

Grasshopper Club 3–3 Start-93
Viking Tananger 1–1 Moss FC
Athletic Spit 1–1 Gymnasia Scold
SS Skiveness 2–2 Florence Boldclub
Spittalmarine 0–0 1.FC Tocklehove

Spittalmarine 0–1 Grasshopper Club
1.FC Tocklehove 2–6 SS Skiveness
Florence Boldclub 3–0 Athletic Spit
Gymnasia Scold 1–3 Viking Tananger
Moss FC 1–1 Start-93

Grasshopper Club 4–4 Moss FC
Start-93 3–3 Gymnasia Scold
Viking Tananger 0–1 Florence Boldclub
Athletic Spit 3–1 1.FC Tocklehove
SS Skiveness 5–3 Spittalmarine

SS Skiveness 3–0 Grasshopper Club
Spittalmarine 2–2 Athletic Spit
1.FC Tocklehove 0–5 Viking Tananger
Florence Boldclub 5–0 Start-93
Gymnasia Scold 1–1 Moss FC

Grasshopper Club 5–3 Gymnasia Scold
Moss FC 6–2 Florence Boldclub
Start-93 3–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Viking Tananger 0–0 Spittalmarine
Athletic Spit 5–5 SS Skiveness

Athletic Spit 1–0 Grasshopper Club
SS Skiveness 1–5 Viking Tananger
Spittalmarine 3–1 Start-93
1.FC Tocklehove 1–1 Moss FC
Florence Boldclub 5–0 Gymnasia Scold

Grasshopper Club 0–1 Florence Boldclub
Gymnasia Scold 3–0 1.FC Tocklehove
Moss FC 0–0 Spittalmarine
Start-93 3–3 SS Skiveness
Viking Tananger 1–3 Athletic Spit

UICA & Cygnus Cup

Nobody expected Bonesea teams still to be competing in UICA competitions heading into the main rounds but that is precisely what happened across all three tournaments as Florence Boldclub, Athletic Spit and Fishers Grimsea pulled some stunning results in the preliminaries to get themselves within a single tie of UICA group football.

Play-Off Rounds

(BSE)         Florence Boldclub    0–4    Turoki Tide               (VIL)   0–2   0–2

The Boldclub were given a Champions Cup masterclass by one of the aristocracy of multiversal football, as Turoki Tide dismantled the Green Faeries over two legs and send them into the Globe Cup qualifying round. Surely the greatest club side yet to play on Boney soil, the Vilitans rarely looked troubled by a team that had already upset the odds against superior opposition in previous rounds. There was no disgrace for Coach Jeruselem’s team here, but they never looked close to getting anything from either game. Entered into the Globe Cup Qualifying Round draw, the Boldclub pulled another trip to the tropics for an equally difficult tie against Kionao Locals. Any UICA group football looked unlikely now.

(BSE)             Athletic Spit    2–5    Real Jraxville            (OSR)   2–2   0–3

The dream ended in Osarius for Athletic after a decent home draw, but it was all too clear from the game at St.Leah’s that the Ancients were going to have difficulties bringing anything back from Ao. Real looked confident for most of the first tie, storming into a 2-0 lead before allowing Athletic back into the game, brothers Reskadinnick and Wron Jones hitting late goals as the visitors hit snooze. Their professionalism was never in question in the return tie however, as Real overran the Bonesmen in a comfortable win to eliminate Athletic and draw a close on what was a pretty impressive debut in UICA competition.

(BSE)           Fishers Grimsea    2–3    Gatineau UC 98            (VLD)   0–2   2–1

In a triple elimination whammy, the Fishers also went out after a disastrous home defeat in the first leg to Valladars UC 98. But as was the case in every round, they provided the most interest as they gave their opponents a real fright in the return leg with an impressive win, narrowly going out by a single goal and winning a great deal of admirers along the way.

Globe Cup Qualifying Round

(TUR)             Kionao Locals    4–4 a  Florence Boldclub         (BSE)   3–2   1–2

UICA group football! Two away goals in Turori were the magic ingredient in another mighty shock for the Bonesligg representation, as the Green Faeries dispatched the Locals to reach the group stages of the Globe Cup. In a tight match in the tropics, the Boldclub were usually on the back foot through the game, 0-2 down at half time before Tuw Turk pulled a surprise goal back. The locals re-established a two goal margin during a comfortable half and could have been further ahead by the time sub Tanny McFarland got a surprise injury-time second that would, in the end, prove crucial. The Locals were distinctly out of sorts for the return in chilly Bonesea, where Abdul-Aziz Zaman and Asteróide stunned them to post a 2-0 lead, and while the Locals pulled one back before half time, they could not find a way past the Boldclub for the second. With the tie level at 4-4, it was Tanny McFarland’s late one in Turori that suddenly meant everything: the Boldclub were through. The draw would pitch them with three giants by Bonesea standards in Spartangrad (EUR), North Hall (BRE) and Neuville Scythers (USI).

Cygnus Cup First Round

As double-winners the fixtures really began to pile up with the Boldclub qualifying for the group stage of the Globe Cup and entering the Cygnus Cup as winners of the domestic knockout competition, and the draw for this pitched the Green Faeries against another Sunrisian side in Selyne Athenians. Although offering an exciting route to potential further glory, it was the fixture congestion and the strained resources that put paid to this cycle’s chance of another shock.

(USI)             Selyne Athenians    5-2    Florence Boldclub            (BSE)   2-2   3-0

As with the game in Turori, the Boldclub hit a brace away from home to really put themselves in with a good shout of getting through this tie, particularly as they limited the home side to a draw. A brace from Austin Smith looked like it could be crucial for the Boldclub, but come the second tie the Bonesmen were struggling with fitness and Des Jeruselem was short on first team starters. With three youngsters in the starting eleven, the Boldclub were well beaten in Spittalsea, as the Athenians ran riot. It was a disappointing night given recent showings in international club football.

Globe Cup Group Stage

  Group I                        Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts   NvS  FBC  Spg  NHa
1 Neuville Scythers USI 6 4 1 1 10 5 +5 13 — 2–1 2–0 2–1
2 Florence Boldclub BSE 6 3 1 2 7 5 +2 10 1–0 — 2–0 2–0

3 Spartangrad EUR 6 2 1 3 5 7 −2 7 1–1 2–0 — 1–2
4 North Hall BRE 6 1 1 4 5 10 −5 4 1–3 1–1 0–1 —

After the sound beating by the Sunrisian side at the Boldpark in the Cygnus Cup, Florence turned the home ground into a fortress as they once more found a way, under the inspirational Des Jeruselem, to keep going into the second half of UICA competition against every odd you could possibly find. Winning all three home times and not conceding a single goal, while grabbing a crucial point on the road in a draw at North Hall, the Boldclub came clear second in the group to reach the knockout stages. The delirious support at the Boldpark could surely not have believed their eyes at times, as giant after giant were beaten, and the Green Faeries looked every bit a bonafide UICA side. It would be back to the tropics again and Vilita for the first knockout round, the sixteenth-final, for a contest with Eastal Lunar; surely the Boldclub did not fear anyone now, and certainly no-one of sound mind would want to predict the outcome of this tie.

Skellingkop Early Rounds


Combined Varisty Athletics Union 1–7 Gymnasia Scold
Viking Tananger 10–4 Oysterhaven FF
SS Skiveness 7–1 Hearts AFC
Washaway FC 1–1 Rapid FF Kells (2–2 AET) (1–2 pen.)
St. Leah Gaels 4–6 SS Industriell
Boldclub-B 0–1 Grasshopper Club
Bannerclub FF Dogside 0–3 Torpedo Spitney
1.FC Tocklehove 4–2 1.FC Bøe
Florence Boldclub 1–1 Viking-B (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Fishers Grimsea 1–3 Kickers FF Sand
SCB-Alliance 0–1 Herring Club
Academic Spit 1–1 Blue Boys FF (1–2 AET)
Tundra Axle FC 0–7 Stockett Brigade
Armada Club 0–3 Rangers Tocklehove FF
Skelling Club 5–3 Combine FF Pikefells
SS Electra Worksclub 3–3 Gullravens FC (3–3 AET) (4–1 pen.)
Celts Club 1–0 Club Zenega
Athletic-B 3–0 Marine-B
Turbine-B 0–3 Turbine Moss FF
Celtic Club Skein 3–1 Guillemots
Banners FC Skiveness 3–3 Spittalmarine (3–4 AET)
17.FF Tolling 3–5 Start-93
Combine Tamness-Nordby 6–2 Aero Fennby
Crows Club 7–1 Bonesea Air Force Club
Moss FC 5–0 FC Harbourwights
Athletic Spit 6–0 Blackskull Club
Skullion FF 0–3 Moss Reserve
East Spit Casuals FC 1–0 SS-B
Spartans FF Liarby 1–1 Bannerclub Clun (1–1 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Shale Athletics Union 0–0 Penchant & District (0–0 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Otters Club 3–0 Irsha-57 SK
Whelm Town Welfare 0–1 Turbine FF Gallowsea

All ten top flight clubs managed to progress after avoiding being drawn with each other in the first round of the Skellingkop, although it was easier for some than others. Cup kings Viking Tananger hit ten in a massive win over Oysterhaven Reds, while Gymnasia Scold and SS Skiveness both doled out 7-1 thrashings to lower league teams. But it wasn’t so easy for Florence Boldclub, struggling for form in the early domestic season and balancing the books with UICA commitments, who fielded a young side and needed penalties to see off Viking-B of the fifth tier. Spittalmarine had their own scare, needing extra time to see off their own fifth-tier opponents Banners Skiveness. The shock of the round was probably the Bonesligg’s basement side Bannerclub Clun stunning Spartans with a penalty win in Liarby.


Gymnasia Scold 3–1 Viking Tananger
SS Skiveness 3–0 Rapid FF Kells
SS Industriell 0–5 Grasshopper Club
Torpedo Spitney 1–3 1.FC Tocklehove
Florence Boldclub 3–0 Kickers FF Sand
Herring Club 1–4 Blue Boys FF
Stockett Brigade 5–1 Rangers Tocklehove FF
Skelling Club 8–5 SS Electra Worksclub
Celts Club 1–1 Athletic-B (1–1 AET) (4–3 pen.)
Turbine Moss FF 5–1 Celtic Club Skein
Spittalmarine 3–0 Start-93
Combine Tamness-Nordby 0–3 Crows Club
Moss FC 1–5 Athletic Spit
Moss Reserve 5–3 East Spit Casuals FC
Bannerclub Clun 2–0 Shale Athletics Union
Otters Club 0–1 Turbine FF Gallowsea

Viking go out again - more rare than winning, in recent years - when they meet Gymnasia in a Ligg-1 pair-off; one of three with Spittalmarine knocking out Start-93 and Athletic thrashing Moss FC at The Verge. The other four top teams successfully negotiate the second round without incident, although there are two Ligg-1 pairings in the next round, ensuring spaces will open up for lower league teams to go on a bit of a run.


Gymnasia Scold 5–1 SS Skiveness
Grasshopper Club 1–7 1.FC Tocklehove
Florence Boldclub 0–1 Blue Boys FF
Stockett Brigade 1–7 Skelling Club
Celts Club 1–5 Turbine Moss FF
Spittalmarine 3–1 Crows Club
Athletic Spit 3–1 Moss Reserve
Bannerclub Clun 1–5 Turbine FF Gallowsea

The best team in Kop history are out as West beats East in the battle of the Isle of Skive, Gymnasia knocking out the Herrings with a big 5-1 win. But the shock of the round is surely the inversion at the Aeropark, where top side Grasshoppers, hoping perhaps for silverware this season, are smashed by bottom club 1.FC. The Tockles may hope to build on this magnificent win the second half of the Ligg season to regain some pride after a poor Oppenligg showing. Cup holders Florence Boldclub are also on the end of a surprising reverse as they go out to Blue Boys FF of Innstrand - they are feeling the strain of too many fixtures and it showed in this performance. Spittalmarine and Athletic progress to leave four Ligg-1 sides standing for the quarter finals, with Gymnasia and 1.FC facing off to guarantee at least one more top side will go out and at least one lower league team will be represented in the semi-finals.

Oppenligg-579 Lower Divisions

Bonesligg-Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Whelm Town Welfare 18 11 0 7 51 35 +16 33
2 Gullravens FC 18 10 2 6 54 34 +20 32
3 Fishers Grimsea 18 10 0 8 42 34 +8 30
4 Torpedo Spitney 18 8 5 5 43 37 +6 29
5 Turbine FF Gallowsea 18 8 1 9 46 48 −2 25
6 Blue Boys FF 18 6 6 6 31 36 −5 24
7 Armada Club 18 7 2 9 27 30 −3 23
8 Turbine Moss FF 18 6 4 8 42 54 −12 22
9 17.FF Tolling 18 6 3 9 29 40 −11 21
10 Skelling Club 18 5 3 10 25 42 −17 18

Welfare have taken everyone by surprise in Ligg-2 to lead the way at the halfmark, ahead of usual challengers Gullravens FC, Fishers Grimsea and Torpedo Spitney who have been slow to get going despite being pencilled in as favourites - they have missed Rebbe Gyr who is probably not enjoying his step up to Spittalmarine. Reigning Ligg-2 champions Turbine FF Gallowsea are well off the pace this season, and will have one eye nervously on the spots behind them, while sister club and fellow SBCC contenders Turbine Moss FF are also struggling.

Bonesligg-Three Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 SS Industriell 18 9 4 5 44 37 +7 31
2 Oysterhaven Reds 18 7 8 3 52 36 +16 29
3 Celtic Club Skein 18 7 8 3 41 27 +14 29
4 Kickers FF Sand 18 7 6 5 45 34 +11 27
5 Academic Spit 18 7 6 5 40 34 +6 27
6 Stockett Brigade 18 7 5 6 36 44 −8 26
7 Tundra Axle FC 18 6 3 9 39 46 −7 21
8 Spartans FF Liarby 18 5 5 8 23 38 −15 20
9 Crows Club 18 5 3 10 26 43 −17 18
10 Rapid FF Kells 18 4 4 10 27 34 −7 16

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 1.FC Bøe 18 10 5 3 50 31 +19 35
2 Guillemots 18 10 4 4 38 20 +18 34
3 St. Leah Gaels 18 8 3 7 33 30 +3 27
4 Boldclub-B 18 7 5 6 33 29 +4 26
5 Hearts AFC 18 7 2 9 44 49 −5 23
6 Washaway FC 18 5 7 6 31 31 0 22
7 Combine Tamness-Nordby 18 6 4 8 27 39 −12 22
8 Irsha-57 SK 18 5 5 8 40 43 −3 20
9 Rangers Tocklehove FF 18 5 5 8 27 35 −8 20
10 East Spit Casuals FC 18 6 2 10 40 56 −16 20

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Banners FC Skiveness 18 11 4 3 59 32 +27 37
2 Aero Fennby 18 8 5 5 42 39 +3 29
3 Athletic-B 18 8 3 7 47 33 +14 27
4 Moss Reserve 18 8 3 7 34 26 +8 27
5 Turbine-B 18 8 3 7 48 41 +7 27
6 Blackskull Club 18 8 3 7 42 40 +2 27
7 SS-B 18 8 3 7 31 30 +1 27
8 Otters Club 18 7 5 6 35 41 −6 26
9 Viking-B 18 5 1 12 23 54 −31 16
10 Bannerclub Clun 18 2 4 12 36 61 −25 10
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-579 Shuttligg

Postby Bonesea » Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:18 am



Athletic Spit move into equal third-place in the all-time standings with their seventh title win, matching SS Skiveness through history and completing a superb season to regain their title lost last season to near-rivals Florence. There was no stopping Athletic this season with their championship rarely looking in doubt through the second half of the season, the Shuttligg. In the end it was won with four games to spare as the Ancients left three clubs to battle out for the final places behind them. Reigning champions the Boldclub won that particular battle to finish second and wonder what might have been if not for their disastrous start to the season, with only one win in their first nine games. Plaudits are also due to the Audioslav management team of de Cabanyas and de Valle at The Herrings, as SS Skiveness complete a marvellous turn-around to finish in their highest position for six years, while Grasshoppers finding the going a little heavy at the top over the course of 36 games, dropping off in the final turn to finish a very decent fourth. Spittalmarine recover somewhat but will still be unhappy to have finished ‘best of the rest’ in fifth, while Start-93 will be startled at their drop in the Shuttligg as they plunge from comfortable mid table to a distinctly uncomfortable second-last. As widely predicted though, 1.FC’s internal crisis plunged them into deep and chilly waters as they posted the worst record in the Bonesligg and the worst top flight season for any club in over a decade. Further bad news for them is that Torpedo Spitney’s second Ligg-2 title in three seasons puts them on the brink of a promotion place, needing a another title in the next two seasons to secure it, while the Tockles disastrous season makes them prime candidates for relegation based on cumulative points tallies over the last three seasons - next season they lose their impressive ‘577 posting of 55 points, when they came third, to make their position even worse if they can’t at least match or better improve on it. That seems highly unlikley.

Bonesligg-One Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Athletic Spit 36 22 6 8 102 62 +40 72

2 Florence Boldclub 36 17 11 8 81 58 +23 62
3 SS Skiveness 36 18 7 11 96 84 +12 61
4 Grasshopper Club 36 17 8 11 97 58 +39 59
5 Spittalmarine 36 13 10 13 68 55 +13 49
6 Gymnasia Scold 36 12 11 13 69 83 −14 47
7 Viking Tananger 36 11 10 15 74 70 +4 43
8 Moss FC 36 11 9 16 80 81 −1 42
9 Start-93 36 10 10 16 63 94 −31 40
10 1.FC Tocklehove 36 6 4 26 52 137 −85 22

Cumulative relegation table
Standings at SB-579
Avg. 579 578 577
Moss FC 47.7 42 50 51
Grasshopper Club 46.7 59 44 37
Start-93 45.7 40 59 38
Viking Tananger 45.7 43 48 46
Gymnasia Scold 43.0 47 32 50
1.FC Tocklehove 40.7 22 45 55

Viking Tananger 0–3 Grasshopper Club
Start-93 1–1 Athletic Spit
Moss FC 1–1 SS Skiveness
Gymnasia Scold 5–5 Spittalmarine
Florence Boldclub 3–1 1.FC Tocklehove

Grasshopper Club 1–3 1.FC Tocklehove
Spittalmarine 0–0 Florence Boldclub
SS Skiveness 5–5 Gymnasia Scold
Athletic Spit 3–1 Moss FC
Viking Tananger 6–0 Start-93

Start-93 1–6 Grasshopper Club
Moss FC 1–0 Viking Tananger
Gymnasia Scold 1–3 Athletic Spit
Florence Boldclub 1–0 SS Skiveness
1.FC Tocklehove 1–3 Spittalmarine

Grasshopper Club 0–1 Spittalmarine
SS Skiveness 2–4 1.FC Tocklehove
Athletic Spit 1–0 Florence Boldclub
Viking Tananger 1–1 Gymnasia Scold
Start-93 1–4 Moss FC

Moss FC 0–3 Grasshopper Club
Gymnasia Scold 1–3 Start-93
Florence Boldclub 1–1 Viking Tananger
1.FC Tocklehove 0–8 Athletic Spit
Spittalmarine 3–0 SS Skiveness

Grasshopper Club 5–1 SS Skiveness
Athletic Spit 0–3 Spittalmarine
Viking Tananger 7–1 1.FC Tocklehove
Start-93 0–3 Florence Boldclub
Moss FC 4–8 Gymnasia Scold

Gymnasia Scold 0–3 Grasshopper Club
Florence Boldclub 4–4 Moss FC
1.FC Tocklehove 0–4 Start-93
Spittalmarine 1–1 Viking Tananger
SS Skiveness 5–3 Athletic Spit

Grasshopper Club 0–1 Athletic Spit
Viking Tananger 5–7 SS Skiveness
Start-93 1–7 Spittalmarine
Moss FC 7–9 1.FC Tocklehove
Gymnasia Scold 1–7 Florence Boldclub

Florence Boldclub 1–1 Grasshopper Club
1.FC Tocklehove 1–3 Gymnasia Scold
Spittalmarine 1–3 Moss FC
SS Skiveness 3–3 Start-93
Athletic Spit 2–6 Viking Tananger

Grasshopper Club 0–0 Viking Tananger
Athletic Spit 4–0 Start-93
SS Skiveness 5–3 Moss FC
Spittalmarine 0–2 Gymnasia Scold
1.FC Tocklehove 3–9 Florence Boldclub

1.FC Tocklehove 3–1 Grasshopper Club
Florence Boldclub 1–0 Spittalmarine
Gymnasia Scold 4–2 SS Skiveness
Moss FC 1–3 Athletic Spit
Start-93 0–3 Viking Tananger

Grasshopper Club 1–1 Start-93
Viking Tananger 1–5 Moss FC
Athletic Spit 5–1 Gymnasia Scold
SS Skiveness 3–0 Florence Boldclub
Spittalmarine 7–1 1.FC Tocklehove

Spittalmarine 3–6 Grasshopper Club
1.FC Tocklehove 1–3 SS Skiveness
Florence Boldclub 0–5 Athletic Spit
Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Viking Tananger
Moss FC 0–1 Start-93

Grasshopper Club 2–8 Moss FC
Start-93 3–5 Gymnasia Scold
Viking Tananger 2–4 Florence Boldclub
Athletic Spit 3–1 1.FC Tocklehove
SS Skiveness 0–1 Spittalmarine

SS Skiveness 3–1 Grasshopper Club
Spittalmarine 5–1 Athletic Spit
1.FC Tocklehove 0–3 Viking Tananger
Florence Boldclub 1–1 Start-93
Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Moss FC

Grasshopper Club 3–3 Gymnasia Scold
Moss FC 1–3 Florence Boldclub
Start-93 5–1 1.FC Tocklehove
Viking Tananger 1–1 Spittalmarine
Athletic Spit 3–5 SS Skiveness

Athletic Spit 1–1 Grasshopper Club
SS Skiveness 1–3 Viking Tananger
Spittalmarine 3–0 Start-93
1.FC Tocklehove 0–3 Moss FC
Florence Boldclub 3–5 Gymnasia Scold

Grasshopper Club 0–1 Florence Boldclub
Gymnasia Scold 1–1 1.FC Tocklehove
Moss FC 1–0 Spittalmarine
Start-93 0–1 SS Skiveness
Viking Tananger 0–0 Athletic Spit


Torpedo win their second title in three seasons, just pipping perennial rivals Fishers Grimsea to the post as early leaders Welfare fell way off the pace in the Shuttligg to finish a distant fifth. Torpedo can now earn promotion with another title in the next two seasons, and you wouldn’t bet against them. Gullravens FC finish in the final mustard slot as Boney clubs prepare for the new UICA-off season tournaments, the Colour Cups, organised by the flashy bankers of Taxhavn to keep everyone amused when there is no UICA competition happening, as was the case for almost four Enness years before the 66th installment. At the wrong end of the table, last year’s surprise UICA qualifiers Turbine Moss fall out of the division after a terrible run across the Shuttligg, winning only two of eighteen games.

Bonesligg-Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Torpedo Spitney 36 20 7 9 94 57 +37 67

2 Fishers Grimsea 36 20 5 11 99 58 +41 65
3 Gullravens FC 36 18 6 12 90 61 +29 60
4 Blue Boys FF 36 16 9 11 71 64 +7 57
5 Whelm Town Welfare 36 15 4 17 74 81 −7 49
6 Armada Club 36 14 6 16 58 63 −5 48
7 Skelling Club 36 14 5 17 76 84 −8 47
8 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 14 4 18 76 87 −11 46
9 17.FF Tolling 36 13 4 19 67 89 −22 43
10 Turbine Moss FF 36 8 6 22 60 121 −61 30Relegated

Cumulative promotion table
Eligibility at SB-579

579 Torpedo Spitney
578 Turbine FF Gallowsea
577 Torpedo Spitney
576 Grasshopper Club *promoted 576
575 Grasshopper Club

UICA Globe Cup

No-one expected UICA interest to last this long into the season for Bonesea. No-one expected much more than the a lucky victory here or there - if we were lucky. And yet, for all that, Florence Boldclub had made it into the final knockout stages of the Globe Cup and had taken some famous scalps along the way. Who could even predict that more would not follow?

Knockout Rounds

Round of 32

(BSE) Florence Boldclub a 2–2 Eastal Lunar (VIL) 1–0 1–2

The ride goes on for the Boldclub, returning to Vilita after a controlled victory in Spittalsea by a single goal that looked, in all honesty, too fraail a margin to provide a springboard into the next round. Veteran halfback Ringbill Brown had hit the vital goal at the Boldpark in a close match, where it looked for all the world as if Lunar had underestimated an opponent who had surely earned a stripe or two in this tournament already. But in the tropical heat of the return game the boys from the cold stuff were soon behind and you could really only see this going one way until Des Jeruselem himself popped up to hit the away goal that proved fatal to the Vilitans. Though they went on to secure victory in the match, passage to the round of sixteen went to the Green Faeries on away goals.

Round of 16

(BSE) Florence Boldclub 8–0 Flanders FC (COM) 4–0 4–0

There were no such difficulties in the following round for the Boldclub as they stunningly brushed aside Flanders FC to suggest they really might be a contender, as unlikely as it seemed and as unlikely as it looked when typed up by this reporter. Supporters could barely believe what they were seeing in the first leg at the Boldpark as an Austin Smith hat-trick and one from outside right Jean-Luc Sanna gave the Green Faeries what looked like an insurmountable lead going into the away leg. Back in Ao they not only defended that aggregate lead but stunningly double it, Sanna again with Asteróide, Abdul-Aziz Zaman and Tanny McFarland all finding the goal to give Boldclub their biggest aggregate win in the tournament so far. Incredibly, Florence had set-up a quarterfinal appearance with the team they had followed out of the group stage, Neuville Scythers, even beating them on the way with a 1-0 in Spittalsea. Hopes were high…


(USI) Neuville Scythers 3–1 Florence Boldclub (BSE) 3–0 0–1

The twenty-first game of UICA competition for little Florence Boldclub proved one too many as the Green Faeries were well beaten in Neuville, going down 0-3 and knowing a recovery was pretty much out of the question. Playing for pride at the Boldpark in the return leg, Des Jeruselem’s side certainly earnerd that with an impressive 1-0 victory, thanks to an Austin Smith strike in the second half, but it was never going to be enough to bring the Scythers back in sight and finally, after 22 magnificent games and twelve victories, the Boldclub are out of the Globe Cup. I’m exhausted just writing about it.

Skellingkop Final Rounds


Gymnasia Scold 5–1 1.FC Tocklehove
Blue Boys FF 0–3 Skelling Club
Turbine Moss FF 0–6 Spittalmarine
Athletic Spit 0–3 Turbine FF Gallowsea

Any hope the Tockles had of some scant consolation in a dark season ended at Skive Bridge as Gymnasia smashed them, while Spittalmarine had an equally comfortable time down south to dispatch Turbine Moss FF. But the shock of the quarterfinals came at a packed St.Leah’s Ground in Spittalsea where Athletic, hopeful of winning a first-ever double, were well beaten by Turbine FF Gallowsea. Shipping three goals in a shocking first half, they were never able to recover and many supporters were heard voicing the usual refrain of ‘now we can concentrate on the league’ to mask the disappointment of expectations frustrated. Rival Boldclub fans, coming to terms with a glorious season but no trophies, will breathe a sigh of relief.


Gymnasia Scold 1–1 Skelling Club (2–1 AET)
Spittalmarine 1–0 Turbine FF Gallowsea

No such troubles for Spittalmarine at the Boldpark as they knock out Turbine with a professional display to reach their tenth Kopfinal, second only to SS Skiveness in appearances, although of course they are the famous chokers at the final hurdle. They will face Gymnasia in the final after The Gym squeezed past Ligg-2 hopefuls Skelling Club in extra time.


Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Spittalmarine

It would be hard to cry ‘Choke!’ on this performance as the Mariners dominated the fortieth Kopfinal from start to finish, and yet still managed to come away with nothing to continue their extraordinary record of losing finalists - this being their eighth defeat in ten finals. It was a classic smash and grab from The Gym who were outclassed and outplayed, and yet never lost their hope, to take the one chance when it presented itself and from that, against a barrage of attack from Spittalmarine, they took their second Kop title to the delight of their small travelling army of supporters. One must say that by their standards it has been a decent season and The Gym are looking a decent team at the moment - perhaps they will press on in the Ligg next season, and if there is one candidate who looks like they could be replaced among the front runners, it is The Mariners. Despite reaching a Kopfinal yet again, they really do look like they have lost their way.

Shuttligg-579 Lower Divisions

Bonesligg-Three Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Oysterhaven Reds 36 18 12 6 110 64 +46 66
2 SS Industriell 36 15 12 9 78 66 +12 57
3 Academic Spit 36 15 10 11 76 64 +12 55
4 Celtic Club Skein 36 11 18 7 64 54 +10 51
5 Tundra Axle FC 36 14 7 15 74 74 0 49
6 Stockett Brigade 36 13 10 13 78 81 −3 49
7 Kickers FF Sand 36 11 12 13 77 77 0 45
8 Spartans FF Liarby 36 11 11 14 56 69 −13 44
9 Rapid FF Kells 36 11 8 17 56 75 −19 41
10 Crows Club 36 7 8 21 48 93 −45 29Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Guillemots 36 23 8 5 94 39 +55 77
2 Boldclub-B 36 15 10 11 63 58 +5 55
3 1.FC Bøe 36 14 12 10 92 72 +20 54
4 St. Leah Gaels 36 15 8 13 61 61 0 53
5 Irsha-57 SK 36 13 9 14 86 74 +12 48
6 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 12 11 13 64 74 −10 47
7 Hearts AFC 36 12 7 17 82 96 −14 43
8 East Spit Casuals FC 36 13 4 19 78 94 −16 43
9 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 11 9 16 56 76 −20 42
10 Washaway FC 36 7 12 17 57 89 −32 33Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Blackskull Club 36 19 5 12 86 79 +7 62
2 Banners FC Skiveness 36 17 10 9 84 56 +28 61
3 Moss Reserve 36 17 8 11 69 48 +21 59
4 Athletic-B 36 16 5 15 77 68 +9 53
5 Turbine-B 36 14 8 14 90 79 +11 50
6 Otters Club 36 11 14 11 67 74 −7 47
7 Aero Fennby 36 11 12 13 60 71 −11 45
8 Viking-B 36 14 3 19 74 89 −15 45
9 SS-B 36 12 7 17 60 81 −21 43
10 Bannerclub Clun 36 9 8 19 68 90 −22 35Rubbishpoon

Cumulative re-election table
Eligibility at SB-579

579 Bannerclub Clun
578 Marine-B * failed re-election
577 Marine-B
576 East Spit Casuals
575 Athletic-B
Last edited by Bonesea on Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-579 Review

Postby Bonesea » Wed Dec 28, 2016 3:26 am


Bonesligg Champions

Athletic Spit

The Ancients marked their first season in their own home at the St.Leah’s Ground with an impressive Bonesligg title - their seventh - that was won with five games to spare. Unlike their crosstown rivals and reigning champions Florence Boldclub, Athletic were unaffected domestically by UICA interests despite getting through the early preliminaries of the Globe Cup, and got off to a strong start in the league in a head-to-head battle with surprise challengers Grasshopper Club from up the road in Fennby. Winning nine of their first eleven games, they couldn’t break away from dogged Grasshoppers who inflicted one of their two early defeats - a 5-1 tonking that suggest a new champion might be emerging. But titles are marathons not sprints and as they got to the end of the first half of the season, the Oppenligg, a crucial 1-0 win over Grasshoppers at St.Leah’s turned the tide; the following week Grasshoppers lost for the second game in a row to Boldclub, while Athletic won down south in Tananger to put clear daylight between the two clubs. Grasshoppers could not stay the course in the second half of the competition, the Shuttligg. While Athletic lost two in a row for the first time early in Shuttligg, they finished the sequence with a win in Fennby and went on to secure the title on matchday 32 with a 3-1 win over the hapless 1.FC. A ten point finishing margin could have been even more as the Ancients took their foot off the pedal and failed to win any of their last four games.

Athletic’s seventh title moves them up into third place in the all-time rankings alongside the nation’s most successful club outside of the capital, SS Skiveness, with their two city rivals a way ahead of them - Florence Boldclub on 11 titles and Spittalmarine the dominant force on 12. The oldest club in Bonesea - hence the nickname Ancients - Athletic have always been considered one of the big four clubs and have the broadest appeal of the three main city teams as they have never been identified quite so specifically with a particular district - while the Boldclub are obviously linked to Florence, the Mariners evolved in and are very tied to the Wharfside district of southern Spittalsea, while Athletic have always sold themselves as the ‘club for the whole city’. Despite their heritage and prestige they lag behind the others in titles but are one of the great cup clubs, including their famous 8-0 final win over Skelling Club in '66. Always competitive, they have never been out of the top flight and are a big producer of young talent. Founded by the once-great and now fallen Wightling club, Spit City, as a feeder club when the Old Country was just beginning to set up football in its backwater colonies, they were crowned the first national champions of Bonesea back in 526. It took them twenty-five years to win their second title and the air of ‘churning royalty’ about the club took on an ironic aspect that has never been shaken. But with two titles now in three seasons - the closest they have ever won two together - certainly suggests they are finally beginning to create an ‘era’ for themselves.

At the core of this new power team is the incredible Jones footballing family, with eldest of eleven sons of national team manager Pythagoras Jones the star of both club and country. At 26, Reskadinnick still has time on his side and plenty to accomplish. Also regulars this season for the Ancients were Nobb, Wron and Lash Jones; Nobb emerging more slowly than his elder brother but now an impressive international in his own right. Wron not quite at their standard but still a good pro in the top flight, while young Lash is shaping up nicely. Two more of Pythagoras boys, Mull and Claw, have impressed at international junior level while the other five - all the way down to wee Cromwell, aged five and three quarters, are on the books at Young Folk, Athletic’s impressive academy. Athletic is not just Jones FC however (a popular quip from envious rival fans, which Ancients supporters are now commonly adopting themselves), and the team is bristling with standout performers from the back to the front of the squad. In goal the temperamental keeper Donkey Ray Harton has already earned himself ‘club legend’ tag for his unique mix of astounding athleticism and childlike tantrums with his defenders, while Deveral Parr, player of the season in their last title run, may have lost his national team place but remains a firm favourite in the halfback role ahead of club captain Carharrack Olsen, who at 34 seems only to be getting better. The two young Zenegalese forwards Keita Song and Moussa Irakoze have come into their own this season while Manager Ruan Buzzard has impressed in the free transfer market as well, taking on young unknown Sunrisian Project+90 free agent Hércules Menezes and lower league standout strikers Daveth Restoria from Spartans Liarby and Democritus Huang from Stockett Brigade. While he struggled to adapt to the higher level, both Daveth and Hércules were outstanding, the latter really living up to his name with his physical engagement, something all Bonesfolk love to see on the greasy churning field.

Ruan Buzzard, 50, has shown there can be a local match for the great Des Jeruselem, the Quebeçois winger, player-coach and national team assistant manager who has taken Florence Boldclub to new levels. With Audioslavs Escobar de Cabanyas and Devin de Valle taking on the revival of the Herrings over in Skiveness, fears that a foreign-dominated management structure might soon exist in the Bonesligg are well and truly eased by Ruan’s impressive set up at Athletic. A child of the Overgiven orphanage in Septenward, he was named for the animal that was found watching over him on his discovery, abandoned up in the Pikefells, one of the many mysterious foundlings that have appeared there over many decades. Growing up to work as a logger, he played part-time football for Blue Boys FF in Innstrand, and was an unremarkable half back both there and later for Rangers Tocklehove. It was here that he cut his teeth as a manager, impressing enough to get a paid role in the backroom staff at Athletic under longtime team manager Mellion Beusse. When Mellion retired seven seasons ago in ’73, no-one inside the club was surprised that Ruan was appointed to the head coach role. It had been nine seasons since the Ancients last title and half a dozen since they had been in the top three. Under Ruan, they finished third in his debut season and have only once finished outside the top three, in his second season. He won his first title five seasons into the job and Athletic look set to be a dominant force for some time to come.

With a decent squad in place Coach Buzzard has not seen the need for major reinforcements for next season, but has two key recruitments relating to the goalkeeping position, signing ex-Athletic keeper Laois Moran as a full time coach and swooping for veteran international keeper Zipper Smith in a real coup, to back up his number one Donkey Ray Harton. With Zipper stalling over a new commitment to Spittalmarine, Ruan convinced him to switch clubs - rare between the three city rivals. He has also signed another promising Zenegalese youngster in Junior Abessou, the 18 year old making the switch from nearby Ligg-2 side Turbine, in Gallowsea. 24-year old Aggie London is expected to step up to a starting role for the team as an inside forward while the next in the Jones production line, Mull, is named in the first team squad and will become the fifth of the boys to play for Athletic if he gets a chance this season.

With the much-debated fluid time situation in the Wide Enness Ocean meaning time seems to pass much more quickly here rather than anywhere else, there is not expected to be UICA competition this season, and the spendthrift bankers of the Taxhavn FA have decided to jump in to take advantage, creating the Colour Cups invitational competition for the best clubs in the Boreal Islands to compete in the Oranjibol, Blue Marble Cup and fancily named Coupe de Moutarde where usually they would play in the Champions Cup, Globe Cup or SBCC. Arranged as a series of mini-tournament stages throughout the season on the Isle of Taxhavn, the competitions will feature preposterous riches as prize money - or bribe money - for competing in an otherwise meaningless filler competition. Bonesea clubs were among the first to sign up…

Bonesligg-One Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Athletic Spit 36 22 6 8 102 62 +40 72
2 Florence Boldclub 36 17 11 8 81 58 +23 62UICA-GC/Blue Marble Cup
3 SS Skiveness 36 18 7 11 96 84 +12 61UICA-GC/Blue Marble Cup
4 Grasshopper Club 36 17 8 11 97 58 +39 59UICA-GC/Blue Marble Cup
5 Spittalmarine 36 13 10 13 68 55 +13 49
6 Gymnasia Scold 36 12 11 13 69 83 −14 47
7 Viking Tananger 36 11 10 15 74 70 +4 43
8 Moss FC 36 11 9 16 80 81 −1 42
9 Start-93 36 10 10 16 63 94 −31 40
10 1.FC Tocklehove 36 6 4 26 52 137 −85 22

For four clubs in Bonesligg-1 the season started early preliminary rounds in UICA competition, followed by extended runs for Florence Boldclub and, to some extent, Athletic Spit. The drain on resources early in the season was especially apparent at the Boldclub, who struggled to get started and have spent the first half of the season, the Oppenligg, in a perpetual state of catch up following a terrible start with only one win in their first nine games. While this featured five draws, there were notable back-to-back 4-8 and 1-5 defeats to Athletic and Viking respectively, leaving the Green Faeries sixteen points off the lead at the quartermark. But Des Jeruselem did not panic as confidence grew with a great UICA run, players acclimatised to the demands of so much football, and the gap began to close. Moving into the second half of the season, the Shuttligg, they closed the gap to nine points and were the form team of the midseason, while the three ahead of them fought it out. With Athletic streaking ahead in the final straight, Boldclub won the battle to finish second and will wonder what might have been if not for their disastrous start to the season, with only one win in their first nine games. While Tuw Turk, Austin Smith and Erasmo Félix have provided the style and flair throughout the campaign, it is the Daineri old warrior Asteróide who has proven the signing of the season, defying his 35 years to turn in a magnificent series of performances to wow his new supporters. The muscular, angry fellow is perfect for the physical demands of the domestic game and has won a huge following at the Boldpark with his ‘fullblooded’ approach to the game, rapidly being spoken of in terms of club legends.

Plaudits are also due to the Audioslav management team of de Cabanyas and de Valle at The Herrings, as SS Skiveness complete a marvellous turn-around to finish in their highest position for six years, while Grasshoppers finding the going a little heavy at the top over the course of 36 games, dropping off in the final turn to finish a very decent fourth. The Audioslav joint coaches performed miracles overnight at SS Skiveness, as they confidently put the Herrings in the mix for a first title in six seasons with a wholly foreign-accented approach to the game. Exciting to watch, technically precise and tactically efficient, SS were a joy to watch. They need to eradicate some inconsistency in their game which is entirely to be expected of a team adapting to a whole new approach under new management, and if they can get that sorted they could well be in it for the top spot next season. The Audioslavs are the stars on the field as well as off of it, and seem to have selected well in bringing in Delmar Baxter, the Semar inside right who has adpated well to the demands of football this far north. The only blot on their copybook may be Kevotslav Irniq, the Amberian refugee, who looks entirely out of his depth at this level.

Cumulative relegation table
Standings at SB-579
Avg. 579 578 577
Moss FC 47.7 42 50 51
Grasshopper Club 46.7 59 44 37
Start-93 45.7 40 59 38
Viking Tananger 45.7 43 48 46
Gymnasia Scold 43.0 47 32 50
1.FC Tocklehove 40.7 22 45 55

Spittalmarine recovered somewhat during the Shuttligg after a poor start but will still be unhappy to have finished ‘best of the rest’ in fifth, while Start-93 will be startled at their drop in the Shuttligg as they plunge from comfortable mid table to a distinctly uncomfortable second-last. As widely predicted though, 1.FC’s internal crisis plunged them into deep and chilly waters as they posted the worst record in the Bonesligg and the worst top flight season for any club in over a decade. Further bad news for them is that Torpedo Spitney’s second Ligg-2 title in three seasons puts them on the brink of a promotion place, needing a another title in the next two seasons to secure it, while the Tockles disastrous season makes them prime candidates for relegation based on cumulative points tallies over the last three seasons - next season they lose their impressive ‘577 posting of 55 points, when they came third, to make their position even worse if they can’t at least match or better improve on it. That seems highly unlikley.


Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Spittalmarine H/T 0-0
@ St.Leah’s Ground, Spittalsea. Attendance 21,400

Goal: Alf Hall (63’)

Player of the match: Riaz Teke
Booked: Merwin, Ortiz, Hugus, Teke & Al-Hasan / Larin, Wickett (2)
Sent off: Wickett

Match Data
Gymnasia Scold						Spittalmarine						Match Stats	GS/SM
Karl Boness [8.0] Godfrey Jones [7.3] + Possession (%) 40/60
Champion Merwin [8.7]YY Godwin Ba [6.0] Shots 6-17
Skua Ortiz [9.4]YY Adrián Larin [6.1]YY On target 1-5
Navarino Smith [7.6] Woodloe Cash [7.7] Pass Compl (%) 81-72
Cragoe Driver [8.0] Gabriel Espada [7.5] Corners 8-13
Sæwine Hines [8.9] + ZC Tannager [7.9] Fouls 7-14
Huddy Hugus [7.7] + YY Úlfr Rask [6.6] + Yellow cards 5-3
Goulchan Omnes [9.2] Nacho Zambrano [6.3] Red cards 0-1
Alf Hall [9.3](goal: 63’) Conchobar Wickett [6.2]YYRR66’
David Caudle [8.4] Idless Jones [6.6]
Riaz Yuhanna Teke [9.8]YY * PoM Rebbe Gyr [6.4]

Lucas García [9.0] sub: Hynes 51’ Allan Berg [8.0] sub: Rask 26’
Shihab Ibn Al-Hasan [ - ]YY sub: Hugus 86’ Zipper Smith [7.7] sub: Jones G 37’
Cahir Treal [ - ] sub: Omnes 87’ Tolgus Carne [ - ] sub: Gyr 86’

Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Spittalmarine

The Mariners appalling Kopfinal record continued as Gymnasia Scold overcame the odds and the balance of play to win the famous last match of the Bonesea season, the Skellingkopfinal. It would be hard to cry ‘choke!’ on this performance as Spittalmarine dominated possession of the fortieth Kopfinal from start to finish, and yet still managed to come away with nothing to continue their extraordinary record of losing finalists - this being their eighth defeat in ten finals. It was a classic smash and grab from The Gym who were outplayed for long periods of the game, and yet never lost their hope, to take the one chance when it presented itself and from that, against a barrage of attack from Spittalmarine, they took their second Kop title to the delight of their small travelling army of supporters. One must say that by their standards it has been a decent season and The Gym are looking a decent team at the moment - perhaps they will press on in the Ligg next season, and if there is one candidate who looks like they could be replaced among the front runners, it is The Mariners. Despite reaching a Kopfinal yet again, they really do look like they have lost their way.

The counter-attacking play masterminded by Gymnasia coach Wellard Corfe was the undoing of The Mariners as wide men Cragoe ‘Trustme’ Driver and Sæwine Hines caused havoc, and the link play bewteen them and the centre three played by promising youngster Huddy Hugus and player of the match Riaz Teke was enough to keep the Mariners conservative and prevent them from pressing on with abandon until the last few minutes, when there was nothing to lose. The mischievous Berber, Teke, gave Godwin Ba and Adrián Larin problems all afternoon and the mounting frustrations led to bookings for Larin and for Conchobar Wickett who cut an isolated figure up front as he went on to get a second yellow after The Gym had got themselves in front, making the task of a comeback all but impossible for his side, despairing at yet another fall at the last hurdle. Just prior to that, fans favourite Alf Hall, another veteran striker, had latched on to a Lucas García through ball to strike past Godfrey Jones and put The Gym in front. The Conch had been robbed in possession by international team mate Skua Ortiz in the build up to that goal and his annoyance clearly got the better of him as he stewed on the consequence. Three minutes later he clattered Ortiz and got his marching orders.

Though only 1-0 up against one of the greatest teams in Bonesea football, everyone knew the Kop was going out east to Scold. Everything was stacked against Spittalmarine at that point, and the weight of a poor season in the league was heavy on them as they battled to find a way back in the last stages of the game. Manager Fistral McCrary knows he has a battle on his hands to save his job and revive the fortunes of the mighty Mariners, while up in Scold they will dine out on this modest success for years to come, expectations being so low by comparison. It has been a tough few seasons for The Gym but Wellard Corfe is beginning to assemble a team that could compete strongly in the coming seasons.

Awards & Records

Champions:	Athletic Spit (7th title)
Runners-Up: Florence Boldclub
Third Place: SS Skiveness

Kop Winners: Gymnasia Scold (2nd title; 3 finals)
Runners-Up: Spittalmarine (10 finals)

Taxhavn Colour Cup Qualifications

Oranjibol: Athletic Spit
Blue Marble Cup: Florence Boldclub
SS Skiveness
Grasshopper Club
Coupe de Moutarde: Torpedo Spitney
Fishers Grimsea
Gullravens FC

Lower Ligg Champions

Bonesligg-2: Torpedo Spitney
Bonesligg-3: Oysterhaven Reds (promoted)
Bonesligg-4: Guillemots (promoted)
Bonesligg-5: Blackskull Club (promoted)
Spittaligg-A: Skullion FF

Player Awards

Fellows Award: Reskadinnick Jones Athletic Spit
(Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Asteróide (DAI) Florence Boldclub
Third Place: Ernie Skewer Grasshopper Club

Bonesligg-2: Jalal Serghini (BBS) Torpedo Spitney
Bonesligg-3: CU Smith Oysterhaven Reds
Bonesligg-4: Franco Sánchez (TAM) Guillemots
Bonesligg-5: Clement Veery Blackskull Club

Golden Boot: Hércules Menezes (USI) 29 goals, Athletic Spit
Runner-Up: Ursell Grayse-Lennox 24, SS Skiveness

Bonesligg-2: Colan Carwana 31, Fishers Grimsea
Bonesligg-3: Radoslaw Hanak (ZZR) 27, Oysterhaven Reds
Bonesligg-4: Roskorwell Sumner 22, Guillemots
Bonesligg-5: Junior Abessou (ZEN) 26, Turbine-B

Golden Glove: Godfrey Jones Spittalmarine
Runner-Up: Bannan Goose Florence Boldclub

Bonesligg-2: Jalal Serghini (BBS) Torpedo Spitney
Bonesligg-3: Pendoggett Barrera Celtic Club Skein
Bonesligg-4: Breward Kneebone Guillemots
Bonesligg-5: Izaäk Bodella Blackskull Club

Young Fella: Yasir Ala al-Din (BBS) Grasshopper Club, age 21
(Young Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Ursell Grayse-Lennox SS Skiveness, 21
Third Place: Huddy Hugus Gymnasia Scold, 19

Bonesligg-2: Oyolvur Danjalsson Turbine FF Gallowsea, 19
Bonesligg-3: Radoslaw Hanak (ZZR) Oysterhaven Reds, 20
Bonesligg-4: Drake Carey Guillemots, 16
Bonesligg-5: Junior Abessou (ZEN) Turbine-B, 17

Argångaward: Ruan Buzzard Athletic Spit
(Coach of The Season)
Runner-Up: Des Jeruselem Florence Boldclub

Bonesligg-2: Mulfra Gerbino Torpedo Spitney
Bonesligg-3: Lamine Togo (ZEN) Oysterhaven Reds
Bonesligg-4: Woodman Cabel Guillemots
Bonesligg-5: XY Toulest (SEP) Blackskull Club

Bonesligg-1 Awards

Finest Match: Athletic Spit 8-4 Florence Boldclub
Biggest Win: (8) Start-93 2-10 Grasshopper Club; 1.FC Tocklehove 0-8 Athletic Spit
Highest Score: (15) Moss FC 7-9 1.FC Tocklehove
Player Goals: (5) Hércules Menezes (USI) for Athletic Spit 5-5 SS Skiveness

The Golden Watch
Year SB-579 Inductees

Every year an undefined number of former (and maybe, potentially, current) players, officials and other related staff will be inducted and given an actual commissioned gold watch from the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia, as well as membership to The Golden Watch club. Membership is given for outstanding contributions to the greasy churn.

Inductee 13:	Izzy Worthette; Journalist, editor at Boldsport, for services promoting the sport	
Inductee 14: Bodiccius Crane; former halfback for Florence Boldclub, retired
Inductee 15: Jérôme Paris (Septen Islander); former centreforward for Florence Boldclub, retired
Inductee 16: Doctor Iris Gramm (Mother Gramm); director of the Overgiven orphanage, for services to young players

Inductee 1:	Pythagoras Jones; first national team manager (SB-572 onwards)
Inductee 2: Des Jeruselem (RKQ); first transgender international for Bonesea (SB-572/74)
Inductee 3: Varrick Jones; player for Athletic Spit (741 apps; 134 goals), retired.
Inductee 4: KP Scrote; outstanding player of BoF’62 & World Cup’75 national squads (SB-572/74), retired.
Inductee 5: Toribio Gallo (TAM); player for Viking Tananger (476 apps; 130 goals), retired.
Inductee 6: Sebastiene Narbonensis (WGT); chair, Fellowship of The Greasy Churn
Inductee 7: Vine Dawkins, CF, played for 1.FC Tocklehove for 22 seasons, 594 games, 243 goals. Retired.
Inductee 8: Kingsley Smith, IR, 503 games for Florence Boldclub, scoring 116 goals. Retired.
Inductee 9: Hermon Tuquevoix, IR, 678 games for Athletic Spit, 185 goals. Retired.
Inductee 10: Professor Kett, manager of Viking Tanager 558-575; assistant manager Bonesea national, co-inventor of the Argånger.
Inductee 11: Billy Sermons; won 16 caps for the national team (SB-572/75), player for Florence Boldclub. Retired.
Inductee 12: Tuelmenna Jones; long-serving striker for SS Skiveness, 26 seasons, 603 games, 311 goals, retired.
Last edited by Bonesea on Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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{FEATURE} Johnny Foreigner Report 579

Postby Bonesea » Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:40 am

The Johnny Foreigner Report

The Low Down on our Bonesligg Migrants - Season 54
by Boldsport staff writer Johnny Foreigner

As the Fellowship of the Greasy Churn - that’s the Bonesea FA to you and me - opened the doors to travelling footballers from beyond the region of the Wide Enness Ocean for the first time, Season 54 welcomed a dozen or so prospectors looking for a new opportunity in this far-flung corner of the multiverse, intrigued perhaps by the sudden and surprising success of the Bonesea national team in recent WCC-sanctioned events. Our compadres from around the region have been coming here for decades of course, and in the likes of Chilli-Bean Acosta and Lilian Mbo we have Tamarindians and Zenegalesi taking the Oath of Fealty, becoming boney-fide citizens and pulling on the shirt of The Sailors to represent, so it’s not like we’re not used to foreign types coming over here, showing us how to apply the greasy churn: we love it. All welcome. Always have been, always will be. Well, apart from Homo Alfus. And religious types. Oh, and Gregorians, unless they are refugees from the system like our loyal National Butler, Benny Gruelmaker. But apart from them, everyone’s welcome.

Of course, the way we play it at home is a little… rougher… and muddier… and… greasier... than the widely appreciated international variant of Association Football; in Greasy Churning, one must be prepared for a spot of wrestling. It won’t be everyone’s cup of Boney Tea, that’s for sure. So who made the switch with bruising grace? And who got floored on their first outing? Welcome to the Johnny Foreigner Report, your annual round-up of the Football Migrants gracing our game.

Naturally, with the strictly amateur rules in place and the generally low ranking of the Bonesligg, no-one was expecting the Galacticos to turn up in chilly Bonesea; clubs are not yet permitted to pay salaries or transfer fees, so we already knew this would be a hunting ground for journeymen grafters and youngsters perhaps looking for a second chance after failing to cut the mustard back home. What everyone hoped was that one or two rough diamonds might be unearthed to bring something a little more exotic to the game. And there were certainly a few of them - emphasis on rough.

Johnny Foreigner Award

Centre forward, Florence Boldclub

The beefy thirty-five year-old veteran striker, released by his native club Brunzundangas in Dainer, arrived with little fanfare in the far north after failing to attract any suitors from more established leagues. Signed by the Green Faeries along with Capivaran vet Paracoílson, he seemed a little bit of a desparate move to get into the international market by coach Des Jeruselem, and there were one or two around the press room who were having a bit of a laugh at the coach´s expense on this one. But - cue interplanetary puns - Asteróide proved a stellar move, his contributions to the game were at times out of this world, he was the rock in the centre of the forward line for the Boldclub and he left many a defender trailing in his cometary wake during his debut season in the Bonesligg. He has become an overnight club legend. While a young foreign striker across town at incoming champions Athletic would win both the title and the golden boot with the Ancients, it was Asteróide´s overall contribution to the joy of the Bonesligg with his physical displays, introverted charm and greasy dominance that wins him the best migrant player of the season award. Hitting 19 goals in 46 games across all competitions, he proved an eye for goal but his hold-up play and linking with fellow forwards Austin Smith and young Tanny McFarland which powered another fine season for Jeruselem´s Fighting Cocks, as they finished narrow runners-up to Athletic. At 35 his age never looked a problem and he seems like he´s got a few years left in the tank yet, which is great news for Florence Boldclub. A quiet man on and off the pitch, players say he is a natural leader and much admired in the dressing room, where he has little to say but what he does say is powerful and inspirational.

Unlucky to miss out on the best foreigner award, forward Hércules Menezes at Athletic Spit also had an astonishing impact in his debut season. The Sunrisian former Project +90 graduate, coming out of war-torn Eura and probably just looking for some peace and quiet, failed to pick up a decent contract elsewhere and really hit the ground running in Bonesea for the Ancients. With 29 goals Hércules won the Golden Boot for the Bonesligg top flight as well as snagging himself a league title into the bargain with his physical displays. At only 22 he looks a real bargain, and someone who might dominate Boney football for years to come, unless more influential clubs spot his restoration from failed academy product to a top-drawer striker of the old-fashioned lump-and-grunt variety, or in Boneylinga, lumpengrunt. That´s not to say he doesn´t have plenty of other skills in his armoury - he´s an all-rounder who will hope to resurrect his career in the sleet and snow of a Bonesligg season.

Performance Summary

Name			Nat.	Pos.	Club			Apps.	Gls.	Rating

Asteróide DAI CF Florence Boldclub 46 19 8.63
Hércules Menezes USI CF Athletic Spit 39 29 8.03
Schreck DAI IL 1.FC Tocklehove 31 8 7.82
Escobar de Cabanyas AUD CF SS Skiveness 28 15 7.66
Karl Boness SEM GK Gymnasia Scold 36 7* 7.14
Devin de Valle AUD OL SS Skiveness 31 4 7.01
Leonardo Ducaldo USI CF Grasshopper Club 27 11 6.81
Delmar Baxter SEM IR SS Skiveness 19 3 6.62
Kvetoslav Irniq ABI CF SS Skiveness 8 0 5.99
Paracoílson CPV CF Florence Boldclub 9 1 5.43
Filipp Nashoba ABI CF Moss FC 23 6 5.19

*Clean sheets

Asteróide´s team-mate at the Boldclub, the Capivaran forward Paracoílson, also arrived in the cold northern outpost from a Daineri club, this time Olidherts, and although he failed to have the same impact as the Asteróide, he was a popular figure in the dressing room and on the terraces with his full-blooded appearances and committed personality. At 33 he´s very much in the twilight of his career, yet there is a feeling he may stay on in the nation for a while and try his hand at management the way they have across the country at SS Skiveness. There, Audioslav joint player-coaches Escobar de Cabanyas and Davin de Valle arrived from Brenecia after being released from their contracts at North Hall and Marque respectively. Both had early promise of an international career that never quite materialised, both enjoyed a reasonable standard of football before getting to the end of their contracts, and both have very much experienced a second wind out on the Isle of Skive where they have revived the fortunes of The Herrings - who had found themselves somewhat in the doldrums of late. De Cabanyas & de Valle took SS into third place in the league and are developing a bit of a reputation as importers of foreign types, creating an exotic-looking teamsheet at Driftwood Park most weeks.

It was another Daineri who really impressed, however, and even then at a club that was tragically out of its depth in a really poor season - Schreck, at 1.FC Tocklehove, rolled back the years to put in some crowd-pleasing displays of muscle and passion, largely to no avail. The Tockles finished bottom and a long way short of the pack; at 42, Schreck shamed many of his team-mates with regular stand-out performances in a dreadful season overall. Has he decided to retire, or to ship out to somewhere his talents may be more effective? No; no he hasn´t. Taking a role in the management set-up, the former Sokabachi advance midfielder aims to make something of a career in the Greasy Churn, although surely his playing days are numbered, by age at least.

Florence Boldclub have started a bit of a trend in scouting for youth and of course the numerous flotsam and jetsam of Unified Sunrise Multitudes are always a good place to start. The Green Fairies brought in two youngsters in season 54, Gore Mijhalovic and Arichi Kunorikato, both released from Tochimoto Ironboots and allegedly pretty good. At 16 and 15 respectively, it will likely be a while before we see much of them. Between these two and the two Project +90 refugees Hércules Menezes and Leonardo Ducaldo at Grasshopper Club, the scouts of Bonesea have spotted a rich source of remnant talent to be mined, and that has had quite a knock-on effect for the coming season, as clubs rush to join the bandwagon of signing foreign types because their names sound funny and will increase sales of name-printed replica shirts.

New Migrant Signings for Season 55

Name			Nat.	Pos.	Age	Club		Signed From

Carmelo Karl SEM CF 22 Athletic Spit Sp. Solsholm (SEM)
Matthias Eggleton SEM CF 27 Grasshoppers FC York (SEM)
Adel Nzonzi SEM OR 30 SS Skiveness Kangemark Sport (SEM)
Jeppe Melker SEM IR 18 SS Skiveness Adjurgen (SEM)
Jojo Valentine USI CB 22 SS Skiveness Project +90 (USI)
Lobjstein HUE HB 22 SS Skiveness Project +90 (DAI)
Piet Masschelin VLG CF 27 SS Skiveness Piershaven Club (VLG)
Erik Marlowe NPH CF 21 Florence Bold Project +90 (SJG)
Renato Moleiro RED CB 18 Florence Bold Midland Bluesox (RED)
Jannick den Linds SEM HB 18 Spittalmarine Sp.St.Adrensburg(SEM)
Zé Caramba USI GK 22 Spittalmarine Project +90 (USI)
Vojislav Pitalesharo ABI CF 21 Start-93 FC Minebnya S. (ABI)
Anders Boness SEM GK 21 Gymnasia Scold Molsbrik Arkjet (SEM)

Youth Signings

Mochi Yoshinami USI CF 17 Grasshopper u19 Nekora United (USI)
Mika Paprika USI HB 17 Grasshopper u19 C. Pokemonesa (USI)
Mateo Rossini USI/OSS AM 17 Grasshopper u19 Mardi City Int. (USI)
Jørgen Berthelsen USI IR 16 Grasshopper u19 Mardi City Int. (USI)
Scott Balde USI GK 16 Grasshopper u19 Mardi City Int. (USI)
Cocó USI IR 17 Bold Youth Frequência (USI)
João Batata USI OL 17 Bold Youth Floresta 42´ (USI)

SS Skiveness have gone all in for the next season, bringing no less than five football migrants in for the season and taking their total compliment to nine - watch out this season especially for Veldgouwen cult favourite Piet Masschelin, signed on sight from Piershaven Club following his impressive performances in the Independents Cup hosted in Bonesea during the off-season. Boney fans instantly took to his rough-and-tumble ways, and he looks set to impress in the coming season for an SS side many are tipping for glory under the Audioslav player-coaches. Six Semarlis are among the twenty foreign nationals that have been granted player permits for this season, of whom experienced winger Adel Nzonzi coming from Kangemark Sports looks a real coup for SS. The young Sunrisian goalkeeper heading to Spittalsea, Zé Caramba, looks a good acquisition from the Project +90 academy in the Unified Sunrise Islands, and is one of two Sunrisian first team signings along with Jojo Valentine at the Herrings, while an astonishing seven Sunrisian youth players have been acquired by Grasshoppers (5) and Florence Boldclub (2) for their youth teams - the Hoppers and the Green Fairies must have some good contacts within the Sunrise set-up; either that, or the multiverse is awash with Project +90 players. Finally, keep an eye out for Lobjstein, another Project +90 product hailing from Huelavia and coming out the Daineri branch to join SS Skiveness - there is a bit of a buzz about him around town and he may turn out to be the diamond everyone is waiting for.
Last edited by Bonesea on Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:09 am, edited 2 times in total.
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{BOLDSPORT} Independents Cup 1

Postby Bonesea » Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:37 pm


The Boreal Islands
In the Bonesea year SB-579

Founding and hosting their own tournament for non-aligned nations outside of the Big Three regions, and off the back of the Cup of Harmony championship title, The Sailors came into the inaugural Independent Associations Championship as clear favourites as the second-highest ranked entrant and enjoying home advantage. While the founding tournament was in many ways a great success, for the host nation it was at best a disappointing showing, and at worst, the teams most lacklustre performance in a competition in its short history - which is a particular disaster when it is located on home soil. Perhaps tired from the antics in SHOBEC, perhaps resting on their laurels, perhaps not coping with the pressure of being favourites at home - whatever the cause, the Sailors flattered to deceive, scraping through the qualification round and going out in the first knockout stage with little more than a whimper.

MVP: Conchobar Wickett (3 games, 3 goals, 1 player of the match; average rating 8.3)
Top Scorer: Conchobar Wickett 3 in 3 games
Record: P4 W2 D0 L2 F8 A8

Match by Match

Stage Opponent Result Line-Up Substitutes
Group Devonta 3-1 W Dunbar; Cottle; ShantyYY; OrtizYY; Jones, N §; Jones, RYY; Skewes, EA; Jones, I (2); Gulbrandsen (1); Wickett §YY; Turk Witt; McFarland §YY; Polgigga
Group Veldgouwen 0-2 L Jones, G; Cottle; Shanty; Ortiz §; Witt; Jones, R; AcostaYY; Jones, I; Gulbrandsen; Grayse-Lennox; Turk Jones, L; Mackay-Coss; Tannager
Group Averyickan C 3-2 W Dunbar; CottleYY; ShantyYY*; Skewes, A (1); Wittyy*; Jones, RRR*; Acosta; Jones, I; Gulbrandsen; Wickett (2); Turk Tannager; Jones, L §; Smith, NYY
R-16 Abanhfleft 2-3x L Dunbar; Cottle; Skewes A; Ortiz; Jones, N; Tannager (1); Acosta; Jones, I; Grayse-Lennox; Wickett (1); Turk Smith, N; Skewes, EA; McFarland

. Group A Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Veldgouwen 3 2 1 0 3 0 +3 7
2 Bonesea 3 2 0 1 6 5 +1 6
3 Averyickan City 3 1 1 1 5 3 +2 4
4 United States of Devonta 3 0 0 3 1 7 −6 0

KEY: © clean sheet; (1) goals scored; § injured; YY yellow card; RR straight red card; YR two yellows, red card; * suspended

Player Stats

No. Player Pos. Caps Starts Subs Gls R Y Rate PoM

1 Duald Dunbar GK 3 3 6.9
2 JK Cottle CB 4 4 1 5.7 1
3 Marouaine Shanty HB 3 3 2 4.6
4 Skua Ortiz HB 4 4 1 1 6.7
5 Nobb Jones OL 2 2 8.0
6 Reskadinnick Jones OR 3 3 1 1 5.7
7 Chilli-Bean Acosta IL 3 3 1 4.9
8 Idless Jones ST 4 4 2 5.9
9 Ursell Grayse-Lennox ST 2 2 6.6 1
10 Conchobar Wickett ST 3 3 3 1 8.3 1
11 Tuw Turk IR 4 4 1 6.6 1
12 Par Polgigga CB 1 0 1 -
13 Ansell Skewes HB 1 1 7.1
14 Navarino Smith HB 2 0 2 1 6.5
15 Jay Witt OL 3 2 1 1 6.1
16 ZC Tannager OR 3 1 2 1 6.0
17 EA Skewes IL 2 1 1 7.6
18 Tanny McFarland ST 2 0 2 1 5.6
19 Teppo Gulbrandsen ST 2 2 1 7.8
20 Colan Mackay-Coss ST 1 1 6.2
21 Godfrey Jones GK 1 1 2.1
22 Lilian Mbo IR - -
23 Lash Jones HB 2 2 6.5
24 Ruben Roche OR - -
31 Donkey Ray Harton GK - -

Independents Cup, Group A Matchday 1

[size=115]Bonesea 3-1 United States of DevontaHT: 0-0
@ St. Leah’s Ground, Spittalsea, Bonesea

Scorers: Jones, I (49’ 62’) Gulbrandson (60’)
Dunbar (OG) (75’)

Attendance: 21,398

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-DEV
Dunbar [5.5] Possession (%) 54/46
Cottle [9.0]* (Player of the Match) Shots 19-9
Shanty [6.8] YY On target 8-4
Ortiz [7.1] YY Pass Compl (%) 84-65
Jones N [8.5] + Corners 5-8
Jones R [7.5] YY Fouls 10-5
Skewes EA [7.2] Yellow cards 5-2
Jones I [8.9] (Goals: 49’ 62’) Red cards 0
Gulbrandsen [8.3] (Goal: 60’)
Wickett [7.8] + YY
Turk [6.7] Injuries Severity

Witt [7.3] sub: Jones N 49’ Jones N 2 games
McFarland [6.2] + YY sub: Wickett 54’ Wickett 1 game
Polgigga [ - ] sub: Cottle 88’ McFarland 3 games

Expected line-up vs. Veldgouwen (Argånger 127 formation):
Jones G; Cottle; Shanty, Ortiz; Witt, Jones R, Acosta, Jones I, Gulbrandsen, Grayse-Lennox, Turk.

A new record home crowd were in attendance at the opening ceremony for the brand new national stadium in St. Leah’s district, and the first game of the inaugural Independents Cup, with just Mr. & Mrs. Scapegoat of Liarby unable to attend to prevent a capacity crowd from being reached; the rest were treated to a professional performance from The Sailors in dispatching the USD with clinical style, although it wasn’t all calm seas and tailwinds. When these teams met for a friendly last year in Devonta City, they played out a kamikaze 5-5 draw but any hope of that sort of dingdong battle soon dissipated as caution seemed to be the order of the day. Indeed going into the interval with few chances and no goals, the very opposite kind of draw, the one involving a lot of yawning and hopping about on frozen feet to keep the circulation going looked the more likely.

It was a heavy tackle to Nobb Jones early in the second half that changed everything. A small scuffle broke out when the ref failed, in the eyes of the Bonesmen, to dish out adequate admonishments and sanctions, which seemed to put a fire in the belly of the home crowd and the team. From the resulting free-kick, sub Jay Witt, making his international debut, swung in a low cross to the edge of the six-yard box for Idless Jones to get on the end of with a firm strike into the bottom corner. That rather opened the flood gates and within eleven minutes The Sailors were three up, Idless adding a second from a Reskadinnick Jones threaded pass, and Teppo Gulbrandson bullying the defence off the ball a couple minutes later to hit home his second international goal. In the middle of all that Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett left the pitch after falling on his dendrobatidae buteo, replaced by another international debutant in Tanny McFarland. Both he and Jay Witt had impressive cameo appearances to start their international careers, without extending the scoreline further – Tanny had a couple of close calls, and was confident in possession, while Idless Jones almost got his second international hattrick when a hopeful punt wrong-footed the keeper but came back off a post into a safe area for the defence to clear. The Devontoids hit a late consolation to give the scoreline some respectability for them after JK Cottle, who had been monstrous at the back all day, tipped a comfortable ball back to his keeper Dunbar and watched in horror as the erratic number one made a complete hash of his clearance and sliced it into his own net. But in truth the Sailors ought to have been out of sight by then and the goal failed to light up the dispirited Devontans, who really didn’t have much to contribute to the opening match of the first Independent Associations Championship.

Quote of The Day
[On being asked about the continued absence of Napoléon, MIA in Vilita]

Des Jeruselem said
Well, I’ll tell you one thing. He’s not here. Maybe you should go ask Mr. & Mrs. Scapegoat, they usually have the inside track on missing persons. Is this the end of his international career? Of course not. He’s central to our plans for the next world cup campaign. Will he get a greasy leathering next time he shows his face in Bonesea? By the Old Man’s broken metatarsal, of course he will.

Independents Cup, Group A Matchday 2

Bonesea 0-2 VeldgouwenHT: 0-2
@ St. Leah’s Ground, Spittalsea, Bonesea

Scorers: Masschelin (27’ 28’)

Attendance: 21,398

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-DEV
Jones G [2.1] Possession (%) 57/43
Cottle [2.2] Shots 15-13
Shanty [1.3] On target 4-7
Ortiz [ - ] + Pass Compl (%) 62-77
Witt [3.7] Corners 3-10
Jones R [4.3] Fouls 15-7
Acosta [2.8]YY Yellow cards 1-1
Jones I [1.1] Red cards 0
Gulbrandsen [2.5]
Grayse-Lennox [4.9]
Turk [5.8]* (Player of the Team)
Injuries Severity
Jones L [7.3] sub: Ortiz 3’ Ortiz 1 game
Mackay-Coss [6.2] sub: Jones I 63’
Tannager [ - ] sub: Jones R 79’

Expected line-up vs. Averyickan City (Argånger 127 formation):
Dunbar; Cottle; Shanty, Skewes A; Witt, Jones R, Acosta, Jones I, Guldrandsen, Wickett, Turk.

It was an ill-starred beginning to the game when Skua Ortiz had to be replaced after only three minutes for reasons not easily discernable at the time – coach Pythagoras Jones stated afterwards he had come over ‘all peculiar’ and indeed was diagnosed with a minor virus later on that evening. The change seemed to unsettle the hosts who were slow to get going in the game and made very little progress as the match wore on. The boisterous opposition coach Johan Valkeniers seemed to have the measure of The Sailors and played a tactical masterstroke in breaking up the forward line-of-seven with some high pressing to knock Bonesea out of their usual flamboyant stride, with centre half Carlos Deferme bullying the usually aggressive strikers into submission. The game turned on Piet Masschelin’s two-minute finishing masterclass just before the half hour when he bagged a brace in spectacular fashion, first with a right-foot belter from the edge of the area, and then getting on the end of a Jim Decubber speculative cross with a wonderful header, generating the sort of power one might expect from a half-decent kick. Masschelin was prepared all game to mix it with the physicality of JK Cottle and Wanger Shanty, and this kept the backs busy and anxious, preventing them from pressing on to support a stifled front seven, well marshalled by man-of-the-match Carlos Deferme.

The quickfire two goals proved to be the winners for the visitors as they shocked Bonesea with a rough and tough performance to turn things on their heads, the aggressive game plan of Coach Pythagoras Jones usually a match for any side. Despite the surprisingly low number of cards – the referee was very – VERY – liberal – this was a wrestling contest of the highest order, something very much appreciated by the locals who are used to domestic football with much more contact than is permitted at the international level. Despite their disappointment at the result, they will have been impressed with the Veldies style of play, perfectly pitched to ruin the Sailors’ hopes of reaching a record nine consecutive international victories. It will be all to play for in the final game of group qualifying, with hosts taking on surprise package Averyickan City and Veldgouwan taking on the USD, who are already eliminated. The Veldies look like they will be through to the next round; meanwhile the Sailors still have it all to do against the unknown Averyfolk.

Quote of The Day
[On being asked to summarise the performance]

Des Jeruselem said
Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down.

Independents Cup, Group A Matchday 3

Bonesea 3-2 Averyickan CityHT: 1-1
@ St. Leah’s Ground, Spittalsea, Bonesea

Scorers: Wickett (29’ 68’) Skewes, A (55’)
Peters (2’) Leonus (71’)

Attendance: 21,400

Player		Rating					Match Stats	BSE-AVE
Dunbar [7.0] Possession (%) 60/40
Cottle [5.6]YY Shots 16-13
Shanty [5.7]YY On target 7-5
Skewes A [7.8] (goal 55’) Pass Compl (%) 76-64
Witt [7.2]YY RR78’ Corners 3-2
Jones R [5.3]RR78’ Fouls 17-9
Acosta [5.7] Yellow cards 5-1
Jones I [8.3] Red cards 2-0
Gulbrandsen [7.3]
Wickett [9.5]* (PoM) (goals 29’ 68’)
Turk [8.7]
Injuries Severity
Tannager [7.3] sub: Gulbrandson 30’ Jones L 3 games
Jones L [ - ] + sub: Jones I 78’
Smith N [ - ]YY sub: Jones L 90+5’

Expected line-up vs. Abanhfleft (Argånger 127 formation):
Dunbar; Cottle; Skewes A, Ortiz; Jones N, Tannager, Acosta, Jones I, Grayse-Lennox, Wickett, Turk.

The Sailors finished with nine men on the pitch but still managed to hang on for the win in a feisty affair at St. Leah’s, where the crowd was a record for a Bonesea home game thanks to the attendance of Mr. & Mrs. Scapegoat of Liarby, who obviously felt the all-or-nothing game was important enough to take up their ticket allocation on a windy night in Spittalsea. They are not ones for the big city all things considered, finding it rough and ill-mannered at the best of times, and they will not have been disarmed of their opinion after this rumbustious affair in which two players were sent off, five booked, and three will be suspended for the next game in the round of sixteen, successfully reached with a narrow victory over the Averies. It did not look too healthy early on – last time out, the Sailors lost a man to sickness in the first five minutes; this time, they conceded a goal. There was a universal groan around the new stadium as Richard Peters netted and Mr. Lenny Scapegoat was heard to cry ‘get the tibias into them, for fibula’s sake!’ before being soundly scolded by Mrs. Scapegoat for his public display of impropriety. But he could hardly be blamed for thinking the worst – the Sailors have not been on form since their glorious win in the Cup of Harmony. But in a man of the match performance, Conchobar ‘The Conch’ Wickett turned it around for Bonesea, to put them clear out in front with two goals and an assist. Equalising on the half hour, he capped a rising momentum from the Sailors with the goal. Urged on by Coach Pythagoras Jones and the ever-animated Des Jeruselem, the Sailors did get the tibias into them, setting up a rough and tough encounter in which tempers frayed on both sides. The teams went in level at the half but the momentum was surely with the Bonesmen.

There could have been no calming words in the dressing room at half time as the Sailors came out quite as tempestuous as the way they went into the break, pulling and pushing and kicking and shoving all the way. Intimidating their plucky opponents into submission, they found the Averies to be of a far meeker order than Velgouwen in the last game. The Conch battered the defence like a bucket of white fish down on the dock at Wharfside for much of the half, setting up Ansell Skewes – not one to pull a punch himself – to put Bonesea out in front, and then hitting a third with around twenty minutes to go to give the home crowd something to cheer about. But the hard wrestling of the home side was beginning to irritate the referee for some inexplicable reason, and after endless warnings he sent off Jay Witt for a second bookable offence and then immediately turned a straight red on Reskadinnick Jones for ‘afters’. Coach Pythagoras had to reshuffle the pack a little to see out the game, though not without some scares as Avery Leonus pulled a goal back to put all the pressure on the home side for the closing quarter hour. With a bit of wrestle and a lot of wrangle the Sailors kept the bruised Averies out to secure a place in the last sixteen, although they will be without key players including Wanger Shanty, booked for the second time in three games and facing a ban as a consequence, along with Jay & Reskadinnick.

Quote of The Day
[On being asked about squad indiscipline and suspensions]

Des Jeruselem said
Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.

[On being asked about preparations for the round of sixteen]

Des Jeruselem said
We have a strategic plan. It’s called doing things.
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{Boldsport} Domestic Season SB-580

Postby Bonesea » Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:32 am


Bonesligg Champions

SS Skiveness

The Audioslav revolution is complete at Driftwood Park as the joint player-managers Escobar de Cabanyas and Devin de Valle took The Herrings to their seventh title, and their first in seven seasons, bringing SS out of the doldrums they had found themselves in. Leading the way in foreign signings with no less than nine overseas nationals signed in the last two seasons, together with some very promising local talent coming through, de Cabanyas & de Valle - locally referred to fondly as 'Ez & Dev' - have built an impressive churning machine with lots of goals in them, largely thanks fine local boys Sted Gluvian and Ursell Grayse-Lennox, with the masterstroke of adding warrior Piet Masschelin to the squad - the Velder striker impressing locals during his appearances for his country in the Independents Cup hosted in Bonesea during pre-season. Ez & Dev were quick to pounce on the opportunity to lure him to SS, and have been richly rewarded by his contribution in progressing strike-mate Ursell toward the Golden Boot, with Piet winning the most assists in the Bonesligg in the process, and taking the end-of-season Johnny Foreigner Award. He was also runner-up to Boldclub's Tuw Turk as overall player of the season, finishing ahead of Ursell Grayse-Lennix in third.

Other top imports at Driftwood Park who really made a mark in the title season for Ez & Dav were Bonesligg debutants Adel Nzonzi and Lobjstein, hailing from Semarland and Heulavia respectively. Boney scouts have been busy in Semarland in recent years, finding a ready supply of free agents to bolster Bonesligg squads, and The Herring's Nzonzi proved the best of them this season, the marauding winger carrying a constant threat to opponents. Young halfback Lobjstein, a product of the omnipresent Sunrisian Project +90 in Dainer, has quickly risen to become a cult favourite in the town, with his full-blooded performances and friendly off-the-field manner that has made the community take him to heart. Nicknamed Lobbo, he has already had a fishing boat named after him, and has found his portrait hanging proudly in the foyer of one of Skiveness' favourite seafood restaurants, Sulley Wright's Lobster Pot. SS are not just about the foreign types of course, with keeper Spider Scrivenor in excellent form all season, while Bandry Mundy, Sted Gluvian and Ursell Grayse-Lennox all in the top echelons of Bonesligg churners - all of them on the edges of the national team. And a group of youngsters breaking through are offering immense potential - Morval Perch, Idaios Clapp, Creddan Pound, Fiakr Le Lay and Fursa Quinn all showing glimpses of a distinctly Boney future despite the many imports now plying their trade with The Herrings.

Famous supporter Odger Lee, the newspaper man, Narrative Committee member, Man of Skiveness and storyteller who is always ready with a humble opinion, has expressed nothing but delight at the balance of youth and foreigners in the club, and has not been overly sentimental about the loss of older stalwarts who were deemed part of the failing old guard and moved on unceremoniously. This season William Busque and Caesar Brantly, youth products who had been at the club for years, felt the business-like approach of the Audioslavs rebuilding programme and went without fanfare to Grasshoppers. After the title win, no-one in Skiveness is complaining. Further afield there are concerns about the number of overseas players in the squad - when you include players from other Boreal Islands and the Wide Enness Ocean - not usually counted as foreign types - fourteen of the twenty-five man squad were 'not of Boney origin'. Debate continues to rage in pubs, clubs and the corridors of the FA - the Fellowship of The Greasy Churn - as to whether this will affect future production of young local talent, and whether therefore there should be limits on the numbers of overseas players in teams. SS own answer is to point to the number of young locals who are coming through the system at Driftwood Park, not to mention - though they frequently do - the mighty Marouaine 'Wånger' Shanty, a 'foreigner' who is the beating heart of the internationally renowned Bonesea national team. Problem - what problem? ...wonders Odger.

. Bonesligg-One Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 SS Skiveness 36 18 9 9 84 57 +27 63 Oranjibol
2 Florence Boldclub 36 19 6 11 73 57 +16 63 Blue Marble Cup
3 Start-93 36 17 9 10 79 60 +19 60 Blue Marble Cup
4 Grasshopper Club 36 17 8 11 77 60 +17 59 Blue Marble Cup
5 Moss FC 36 16 9 11 66 53 +13 57
6 Athletic Spit 36 12 14 10 79 64 +15 50
7 Spittalmarine 36 12 10 14 64 78 −14 46
8 1.FC Tocklehove 36 10 7 19 48 77 −29 37 Relegated*
9 Viking Tananger 36 9 10 17 37 71 −34 37
10 Gymnasia Scold 36 7 4 25 44 74 −30 25

Des Jeruselem's Boldclub finished as runners-up for the second successive season, and the third time in four, missing out only on goal difference as they continue to impress under the flamboyant Québeçois player-coach. S/he also announced at the end of the season that next season, 581, would be his/her last as a player, as s/he wishes to focus more now on management both of Greasy Churning and of his/her House of Exotic Comforts entertainment chain. Nepharim free transfer Erik Marlowe impressed in his first season for the Green Faeries and looks a prospect who could go on to greater things within the league. Buccus Hike pulled off another miracle with Start-93 to get them into third place, as he did two season ago when they so narrowly missed out on a first title. This time they were also only three points off thanks to Hike's impressive tactical mastery, his getting the best out of a thin squad, and some very impressive youngsters who are beginning to show real promise - the likes of the Zenegalese Mamadou Ibrahima, Tregue Mawgan, Pelvis Crake and young player of the season runner-up KG McKinley.

Capital city big-guns Athletic Spit, the reigning champions, and Spittalmarine were both disappointing but the big talking point at the bottom end of the table was the relegation tussle between Gymnasia Scold and 1.FC Tocklehove. It seemed that with Torpedo set to win Bonesligg-2, cumulative relegation rules would apply and the poorest team of the past three seasons was likely to go down, following in the unfortunate footsteps of Turbine FF Gallowsea who became the first team to drop under the new system three years ago. It seemed nailed on that the Tockles would face the drop after an appalling season last year which more or less doomed them from the start, but that was without banking on another team, Gymnasia Scold, doing just as badly this time around. It went right down to the wire - and beyond. It all came down to the last game of the season, with the Tockles just needing to avoid defeat at Gymnasia's Skive Bridge home to stay in the division and relegate the Cup finalists. If the Gym won, it would need a head-to-head tie-breaker to settle it, with The Gym requiring at least a two-goal win to save themselves. The Berber national Riaz Yuhanna Teke, last season's cup final hero for the Gym, was at it again, hitting a late late third to give Gymnasia a 3-0 win and relegate 1.FC, who finished two places above them.

Cumulative Relegation Summary
Avg. 580 579 578
6 Moss FC 49.6 57 42 50
7 Spittalmarine 49.3 46 49 53
8 Viking Tananger 42.6 37 43 48
9 Gymnasia Scold 34.6 25 47 32
10 1.FC Tocklehove 34.6 37 22 45
Tie-break: season head-to-head
P W D L F A Pts.
1 Gymnasia Scold 4 2 0 2 7 5 6
2 1.FC Tocklehove 4 2 0 2 5 7 6

Final Standings - Lower Divisions

. Bonesligg-Two Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Torpedo Spitney 36 20 7 9 77 59 +18 67 Promoted, Coupe de Moutarde
2 Fishers Grimsea 36 17 9 10 81 63 +18 60 Coupe de Moutarde
3 Blue Boys FF 36 14 11 11 68 61 +7 53 Coupe de Moutarde
4 Oysterhaven Reds 36 14 7 15 65 74 −9 49
5 17.FF Tolling 36 14 6 16 84 71 +13 48
6 Armada Club 36 14 6 16 70 74 −4 48
7 Whelm Town Welfare 36 13 8 15 70 72 −2 47
8 Turbine FF Gallowsea 36 12 11 13 71 79 −8 47
9 Gullravens FC 36 10 11 15 78 77 +1 41
10 Skelling Club 36 9 10 17 48 82 −34 37 Relegated

Manager Mulfra Gerbino has finally masterminded a return to the top flight for Torpedo Spitney, the capital city's poor cousin who are always playing catch-up to their big three neighbours Athletic, Boldclub and Marine. With the reduction of the top division's size twelve years ago, Torpedo just missed the cut; before the introduction of cumulative relegation rules they finished one place shy of promotion in each of three seasons, and it has taken nine subsequent years to accumulate the 'three in five' required titles to win the place, finishing second on six occasions and having to watch Grasshoppers leapfrog them - to mix animal metaphors - and establish themselves in the top flight. But the wait is finally over and 'The Goats' are back at the top level once more. Three young players were the stars of the show for Torpedo - Berber keeper Jalal Serghini, 20, local lad Lua York-Smith, 19 and Redvali centreback Renato Moleiro, 18, on loan from Florence Boldclub who was the outstanding player in the division. The Goats are grateful to have him on loan for a further season as Florence play the long game with the development of this highly talented youngster.

Fishers Grimsea won't miss the promoted Torpedo, finishing just behind them for the third time in four seasons, and with relegated 1.FC Tocklehove they will assume the mantle of favourites, having been competitive in the division for some years without taking a title. Rumours of a league reshuffle to expand the top division again will be music to the Fishers' ears, being prime candidates as an expansion team. recent promotees Blue Boys FF and Oysterhaven Reds both impresssed, looking comfortable at this level, while perennial challengers Gullravens had a very poor season by their standards.

Cumulative Promotion Record

580 Torpedo Spitney *Promoted
579 Torpedo Spitney
578 Turbine FF Gallowsea
577 Torpedo Spitney
576 Grasshopper Club *Promoted SB-576

In the third division Turbine Moss FF make an immediate return to Ligg-2 ahead of SS Industriell of Amblesea. Academic Spit also made a good fist of things with a third placed finish while the much fancied Spartans, of Liarby, ended up in the basement spot and suffer relegation back to Ligg-4. They will be replaced by surprise champions 1.FC Bøe, winning the title from Boldclub-B on goal difference. 'B' were hoping to become the first reserve side to reach the glass ceiling for reserve teams of Ligg-3. Reservist rivals Turbine-B of Gallowsea won the basement division to join them in Ligg-4, while the town of Skiveness has the peculiar honour of having both the league champions and the wooden spoon winners in the same town in the same season, with Banners FC having a season to forget that included meeting their crosstown rivals in a Skellingkop game... and losing 0-10.

. Bonesligg-Three Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Turbine Moss FF 36 15 15 6 83 61 +22 60 Promoted
2 SS Industriell 36 17 6 13 97 89 +8 57
3 Academic Spit 36 15 10 11 73 65 +8 55
4 Tundra Axle FC 36 13 12 11 65 62 +3 51
5 Kickers FF Sand 36 13 11 12 82 70 +12 50
6 Stockett Brigade 36 14 8 14 58 67 −9 50
7 Rapid FF Kells 36 10 13 13 64 68 −4 43
8 Celtic Club Skein 36 9 15 12 49 66 −17 42
9 Guillemots 36 10 10 16 84 82 +2 40
10 Spartans FF Liarby 36 9 10 17 59 84 −25 37 Relegated

Bonesligg-Four Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 1.FC Bøe 36 18 6 12 78 57 +21 60 Promoted
2 Boldclub-B 36 17 9 10 61 45 +16 60
3 Crows Club 36 14 10 12 75 60 +15 52
4 Hearts AFC 36 14 8 14 62 56 +6 50
5 Rangers Tocklehove FF 36 14 7 15 65 63 +2 49
6 Irsha-57 SK 36 13 10 13 55 60 −5 49
7 St. Leah Gaels 36 13 9 14 77 73 +4 48
8 Combine Tamness-Nordby 36 13 6 17 62 85 −23 45
9 East Spit Casuals FC 36 9 17 10 54 53 +1 44
10 Blackskull Club 36 10 8 18 58 95 −37 38 Relegated

Bonesligg-Five Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Turbine-B 36 19 8 9 80 56 +24 65 Promoted
2 Otters Club 36 19 6 11 91 61 +30 63
3 Moss Reserve 36 17 7 12 87 73 +14 58
4 Viking-B 36 14 9 13 77 68 +9 51
5 Athletic-B 36 15 4 17 81 82 −1 49
6 SS-B 36 13 8 15 80 80 0 47
7 Aero Fennby 36 12 9 15 63 77 −14 45
8 Washaway FC 36 11 11 14 75 97 −22 44
9 Bannerclub Clun 36 11 8 17 54 69 −15 41
10 Banners FC Skiveness 36 10 8 18 66 91 −25 38 Rubbishpoon

Cumulative Re-election Record
Bonesligg-5 Rubbishpoon

580 Banners FC Skiveness
579 Bannerclub Clun
578 Marine-B *not re-elected
577 Marine-B
576 East Spit Casuals



Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Florence Boldclub H/T 1-0
@ St.Leah's Ground, Spittalsea. Attendance 21,400

Goal: Norris Smith

Player of the match: Norris Smith 15'
Booked: Jean-Luc Sanna

Player Ratings
Gymnasia				Boldclub

Karl Boness [9.0] Bannan Goose [6.9] Match Statistics
Norris Smith [10-](1) Par Polgigga [4.1]
Skua Ortiz [7.6] Mikael Gunnarson [4.3] Poss (%): 53/47
Navarino Smith [8.6] Erasmo Félix [5.6] Shots: 11-16
Morgan Salvage [9.0] Des Jeruselem [6.2] On Target: 6-5
Sæwine Hines [8.1] Jean-Luc Sanna [7.0] Pass Comp(%): 78-63
Huddy Hugus [8.8] Tathai Rigby [4.8] Corners: 7-6
Riaz Yuhanna Teke [9.9] Erik Marlowe [7.3] Fouls: 7-7
Alf Hall [9.8] Asteróide [7.8] Yellow cards: 0-1
David Caudle [7.1] Abdul-Aziz Zaman [5.8] Reds: 0
Snorre Baardsen [7.8] Tuw Turk [5.3]

Subs Used Subs Used
Ali Toufiq [9.5] Wilfried Ciza [6.9]
Cerebral Siskin [7.8] Tanny McFarland [6.1]
Ogma Codd [7.7] Elatha Rule [ - ]

Double Celebrations All Round
Gymnasia Scold 1-0 Florence Boldclub

It was doubles all round for Gymnasia, as they celebrated two great weeks of miracles for the club, first by pulling off the seeming impossible and surviving relegation on the last day of the season with a 3-0 home win over 1.FC Tocklhove, and followed it up with victory in the Skellingkop final to retain the title. The Gym join a unique club of four teams to have won back-to-back Kops, with SS Skiveness, Moss FC and Viking Tananger (a treble). On top of that, they become the first team to defeat Florence Boldclub in a final, with the Green Faeries having a proud record of six wins in six appearances before this game. Coming into their own in the final stages of the season after a truly appalling first three quarters, veteran coach Wellard Corfe never lost his nerve, never blinked, and won his rewards accordingly. Gymnasia will have to do so much better next season, and there is surely some squad work needs doing to make it happen, but let's enjoy this moment of supremacy from The Gym and the plaudits that go with it. An unremarkable competition turned into something special for them with a massive 9-1 victory over Rangers Tocklehove FF in Kop-4, the quarterfinal, and was followed up with an impressive semi-final victory over Kop masters SS Skiveness, chasing their own LiggKop double. If that was an unlikely victory, what followed was mission impossible against Des Jeruselem's Boldclub, who had just missed out on a potential third double themselves by conceding the league title on goal difference. Perhaps shattered by this blow, they were second best all through the final match to wrap up the season empty-handed.

Hero of the day was centreback Norris Smith, signed from Ligg-3 outfit Tundra Axle FC at the beginning of the season as a bit of a punt, and a back-up to experienced regular Champion Merwin. But Norris had impressed enough during the season to earn the starting slot for the back end of the season, which coincided with the Gym's upturn in form, and he was commanding in the Skellingkopfinal, an impregnable last line of defence who contained Marlowe, Asteróide and Zaman and marshalled his backs with the confidence of a seasoned veteran, despite his meagre 21 years. And he headed in what proved to be the winner after just quarter of an hour, putting the Gym out in front and though the lead was narrow, the Green Faeries were never able to close the gap or bridge the divide. Gymnasia, tails up, still smiling from their league miracle the week before, were the more likely to hit the second goal of the game, though it never came. One was enough for the Gym to take an historic Kop title.

Skellingkop Season-580


St. Leah Gaels 1–1 1.FC Tocklehove (1–1 AET) (3–1 pen.)
Armada Club 2–2 Irsha-57 SK (2–2 AET) (0–2 pen.)
Crows Club 3–1 Blackskull Club
Athletic Spit 5–3 Torpedo Spitney
Tundra Axle FC 0–0 Oysterhaven Reds (1–1 AET) (3–2 pen.)
Combine FF Pikefells 5–7 SS Skiveness
Herring Club 6–0 Aero Fennby
Celts Club 1–2 SS Electra Worksclub
Moss FC 1–5 Guillemots
Academic Spit 3–0 Bonesea Air Force Club
Viking-B 1–7 Start-93
Blue Boys FF 0–5 Spartans FF Liarby
Moss Reserve 1–1 Turbine FF Gallowsea (3–1 AET)
Club Zenega 1–5 Florence Boldclub
Boldclub-B 1–0 Athletic-B
Bannerclub Clun 0–1 Stockett Brigade
Grasshopper Club 3–0 SS-B
SS Industriell 3–0 Shale Athletics Union
Celtic Club Skein 1–1 Skelling Club (2–1 AET)
Turbine Moss FF 3–5 Rapid FF Kells
Banners FC Skiveness 3–1 Combined Varsity Athletics Union
Bannerclub FF Dogside 0–7 Turbine-B
Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Hearts AFC
Combine Tamness-Nordby 0–0 Fishers Grimsea (0–0 AET) (3–2 pen.)
1.FC Bøe 3–0 Washaway FC
Gullravens FC 5–5 Spittalmarine (5–6 AET)
Viking Tananger 6–6 17.FF Tolling (8–6 AET)
FC Harbourwights 1–0 SCB-Alliance
Whelm Town Welfare 7–5 Marine-B
East Spit Casuals FC 0–3 Kickers FF Sand
Skullion FF 2–2 Penchant & District (3–2 AET)
Otters Club 1–1 Rangers Tocklehove FF (1–3 AET)


Moss Reserve 3–6 Gymnasia Scold
St. Leah Gaels 1–0 1.FC Bøe
Turbine-B 1–1 Herring Club (2–2 AET) (5–6 pen.)
Skullion FF 2–4 Combine Tamness-Nordby
Grasshopper Club 7–1 Irsha-57 SK
Kickers FF Sand 3–0 Guillemots
Academic Spit 0–2 Start-93
SS Skiveness 10–0 Banners FC Skiveness
SS Electra Worksclub 0–3 FC Harbourwights
Boldclub-B 3–1 SS Industriell
Tundra Axle FC 1–0 Spartans FF Liarby
Rapid FF Kells 0–0 Whelm Town Welfare (0–0 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Stockett Brigade 4–2 Spittalmarine
Crows Club 0–5 Athletic Spit
Viking Tananger 6–6 Rangers Tocklehove FF (6–6 AET) (3–4 pen.)
Florence Boldclub 0–0 Celtic Club Skein (2–0 AET)


Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Kickers FF Sand
Whelm Town Welfare 3–3 Stockett Brigade (3–3 AET) (2–3 pen.)
Herring Club 2–1 Start-93
Athletic Spit 1–1 Grasshopper Club (2–1 AET)
Tundra Axle FC 3–5 Florence Boldclub
FC Harbourwights 0–3 Rangers Tocklehove FF
SS Skiveness 0–0 St. Leah Gaels (2–2 AET) (6–5 pen.)
Boldclub-B 0–1 Combine Tamness-Nordby


Combine Tamness-Nordby 0–0 Florence Boldclub (0–2 AET)
Stockett Brigade 4–4 Herring Club (5–4 AET)
Gymnasia Scold 9–1 Rangers Tocklehove FF
SS Skiveness 3–1 Athletic Spit


Gymnasia Scold 1–0 SS Skiveness
Florence Boldclub 3–0 Stockett Brigade


Gymnasia Scold 1–0 Florence Boldclub

Awards & Records

Champions:	SS Skiveness (8th title)
Runners-Up: Florence Boldclub
Third Place: Start-93

Kop Winners: Gymnasia Scold (3rd title; 4 finals)
Runners-Up: Florence Boldclub (7 finals)

Tax-Deductable Boreal Superleague Qualifications

Oranjibol: SS Skiveness
Blue Marble: Florence Boldclub
Grasshopper Club
C de Moutarde: Torpedo Spitney
Fishers Grimsea
Blue Boys FF
Duck Cup: Gymnasia Scold

EkstraKop-581: SS Skiveness vs. Gymnasia Scold
(Super Cup season opener)

Lower Ligg Champions

Bonesligg-2: Torpedo Spitney (promoted)
Bonesligg-3: Turbine Moss FF (promoted)
Bonesligg-4: 1.FC Bøe (promoted)
Bonesligg-5: Turbine-B (promoted)
Spittaligg-A: Celts Club

Player Awards

Fellows Award: Tuw Turk (Florence Boldclub)
(Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: Piet Masschelin (SS Skiveness)
Third Place: Ursell Grayse-Lennox (SS Skiveness)

Bonesligg-2: Renato Moleiro (Torpedo Spitney)
Bonesligg-3: Bodiniel Smith (Turbine Moss FF)
Bonesligg-4: XP Bustard (1.FC Bøe)
Bonesligg-5: AY Gyr (Turbine-B)

Golden Boot: Ursell Grayse-Lennox (SS Skiveness) 25
Runner-Up: Leonardo Ducaldo (Grasshopper Club) 24

Bonesligg-2: Othergates O'Sullivan (17.FF Tolling) 31
Bonesligg-3: Innes Purcer (SS Industriell) 33
Bonesligg-4: Antrim Ouellette (1.FC Bøe) 26
Bonesligg-5: Starn Lee (Otters Club) 24

Golden Glove: Bernard Doisneau (Moss FC)
Runner-Up: Duald Dunbar (Start-93)

Bonesligg-2: Jalal Serghini (Torpedo Spitney)
Bonesligg-3: Tenfold McGee (Turbine Moss FF)
Bonesligg-4: Knut Plain (Boldclub-B)
Bonesligg-5: Thrand Minkoff (Turbine-B)

Young Fella: Tallack Austin (Grasshopper Club) 19 yrs.
(Young Player of The Season)
Runner-Up: KG McKinley (Start-93) 19
Third Place: Nacho Zambrano (Spittalmarine) 20

Bonesligg-2: Lua York-Smith (Torpedo Spitney) 19
Bonesligg-3: Innes Purcer (SS Industriell) 17
Bonesligg-4: Etienne Fuentes (Crows Club) 17
Bonesligg-5: Eoghann MacMhiadhchain (Otters Club) 19

Argångaward: Escobar de Cabanyas & Devin de Valle (joint; SS Skiveness)
(Coach of The Season)
Runner-Up: Buccus Hike (Start-93)

Bonesligg-2: Mulfra Gerbino (Torpedo Spitney)
Bonesligg-3: Ifni Anderson (SS Industriell)
Bonesligg-4: DL Wilburn (1.FC Bøe)
Bonesligg-5: Joll Capane (Otters Club)

The Golden Watch
Year 580 Inductees

Every year an undefined number of former (and maybe, potentially, current) players, officials and other related staff will be inducted and given an actual commissioned gold watch from the highly sought-after watch maker Schu-Tallinger of Reselia, as well as membership to The Golden Watch club. Membership is given for outstanding contributions to the greasy churn.

Inductee 17:	Kite Bohenna; former outside right at 1.FC Tocklehove (retired SB-580); 533 games for the club. 108 goals.
Inductee 18: Kenny Rising; legendary and beloved halfback at SS Skiveness SB-556-580; 709 games, 31 goals.
Inductee 19: Shilling Blue; centreback of the Purple Generation, played for Start-93. 36 caps, 3 goals, Cup of Harmony winner.
Inductee 20: Julien Thayer (SEP); winger for Viking Tananger, retired.

Inductee 1:	Pythagoras Jones; first national team manager (SB-572 onwards)
Inductee 2: Des Jeruselem (RKQ); first transgender international for Bonesea (SB-572/74)
Inductee 3: Varrick Jones; player for Athletic Spit (741 apps; 134 goals), retired.
Inductee 4: KP Scrote; outstanding player of BoF’62 & World Cup’75 national squads (SB-572/74), retired.
Inductee 5: Toribio Gallo (TAM); player for Viking Tananger (476 apps; 130 goals), retired.
Inductee 6: Sebastiene Narbonensis (WGT); chair, Fellowship of The Greasy Churn
Inductee 7: Vine Dawkins, CF, played for 1.FC Tocklehove for 22 seasons, 594 games, 243 goals. Retired.
Inductee 8: Kingsley Smith, IR, 503 games for Florence Boldclub, scoring 116 goals. Retired.
Inductee 9: Hermon Tuquevoix, IR, 678 games for Athletic Spit, 185 goals. Retired.
Inductee 10: Professor Kett, manager of Viking Tanager 558-575; assistant manager Bonesea national, co-inventor of the Argånger.
Inductee 11: Billy Sermons; won 16 caps for the national team (SB-572/75), player for Florence Boldclub. Retired.
Inductee 12: Tuelmenna Jones; long-serving striker for SS Skiveness, 26 seasons, 603 games, 311 goals, retired.
Inductee 13: Izzy Worthette; Journalist, editor at Boldsport, for services promoting the sport
Inductee 14: Bodiccius Crane; former halfback for Florence Boldclub, retired
Inductee 15: Jérôme Paris (Septen Islander); former centreforward for Florence Boldclub, retired
Inductee 16: Doctor Iris Gramm (Mother Gramm); director of the Overgiven orphanage, for services to young players

Ins & Outs
Key Transfer Business - Season 580

The biggest move in the transfer market was possibly Athletic's capture of former international keeper and captain Zipper Smith from rivals Spittalmarine. Despite going in as the probable number two to up and coming Donkey Ray Harton, Zipper seemed keen to escape the doom and gloom of a former giant on the decline at Marine. Of the generally unknown foreign imports, the most eye-catching was probably that of Nepharim Erik Marlowe from the Sunrisian Project +90 in San Jose Guayabal. SS Skiveness continued their foreign recruitment plan and picked up three players who were absolutely outstanding in their first season - Adel Nzonzi, Piet Masschelin & Lobjstein. The two top bargains of the season would be Norris Smith at Gymnasia Scold who came on strong late in the day to rescue their season, and Tregue Mawgan at Start-93, part of their axis of youth that so impressed to earn The Geese a third-placed finish.

Name			Nat.	Pos.	Age	Club			Signed From

Faolan MacAomalain BSE OR 20 1.FC Tocklehove Turbine Moss FF
Eleiran Kadoret BSE CF 21 1.FC Tocklehove Spittalmarine
GR Trythall BSE IR 20 1.FC Tocklehove Blue Boys FF
Helge Aagaard PIS OR 20 1.FC Tocklehove Start-93

Zipper Smith BSE GK 34 Athletic Spit Spittalmarine
Carmelo Karl SEM CF 22 Athletic Spit Sporting Solsholm (SEM)
Junior Abessou ZEN OL 18 Athletic Spit Turbine FF Gallowsea

Erik Marlowe NPH CF 21 Florence Boldclub Project +90 (SJG)
Renato Moleiro RDV CB 18 Florence Boldclub Midland Bluesox (RDV)
*Loaned to Torpedo Spitney

Gloyas Crowe BSE GK 20 Grasshopper Club Whelm Town Welfare
William Busque SEP HB 27 Grasshopper Club SS Skiveness
Caesar Brantly BSE IL 28 Grasshopper Club SS Skiveness
Matthias Eggleton SEM CF 27 Grasshopper Club FC York (SEM)

Norris Smith BSE CB 21 Gymnasia Scold Tundra Axle FC
Anders Boness SEM GK 21 Gymnasia Scold Molsbik Arkjet (SEM)

Sol Smith BSE OR 20 Moss FC SS Skiveness

Adel Nzonzi SEM OR 30 SS Skiveness Kangemark Sport (SEM)
Piet Masschelin VLG CF 27 SS Skiveness Piershaven Club (VLG)
Lobjstein HUE HB 22 SS Skiveness Project +90 (DAI)
Jeppe Melker SEM IR 18 SS Skiveness Adjurgen (SEM)
Jojo Valentine USI CB 22 SS Skiveness Project +90 (USI)

Jannick de Linds SEM HB 18 Spittalmarine Sporting Saint Adrensburg (SEM
Zé Caramba USI GK 20 Spittalmarine Project +90 (USI)
Caesar Stave-Blysse BSE OL 20 Spittalmarine Athletic Spit

Tregue Mawgan BSE OL 21 Start-93 Athletic Spit
Vojislav Pitalesharo ABI CF 21 Start-93 FC Minebnya Siqornat (ABI)
Július Svabo VAE GK 21 Start-93 Moss FC
Manaus Smith BSE CB 21 Start-93 1.FC Tocklehove
Sweeney McCulloch BSE CF 27 Start-93 Spittalmarine

Finlay Sara SKO HB 24 Viking Tananger Start-93
Thorfinn Fokke VAE GK 22 Viking Tananger Grasshopper Club
Bautista Acosta TAM CB 21 Viking Tananger Gymnasia Scold
Fermín Endrizzi TAM CF 20 Viking Tananger Florence Boldclub

The Johnny Foreigner Report

The Low Down on our Bonesligg Migrants - Season 580
by Boldsport staff writer Johnny Foreigner

As the Fellowship of the Greasy Churn - that’s the Bonesea FA to you and me - opened the doors to travelling footballers from beyond the region of the Wide Enness Ocean for the first time, Season 54 welcomed a dozen or so prospectors looking for a new opportunity in this far-flung corner of the multiverse, intrigued perhaps by the sudden and surprising success of the Bonesea national team in recent WCC-sanctioned events. More followed this season, hoping to build on the welcome and the success of the first wave.

Our compadres from around the region have been coming here for decades of course, and in the likes of Chilli-Bean Acosta and Lilian Mbo we have Tamarindians and Zenegalesi taking the Oath of Fealty, becoming boney-fide citizens and pulling on the shirt of The Sailors to represent, so it’s not like we’re not used to foreign types coming over here, showing us how to apply the greasy churn: we love it. All welcome. Always have been, always will be. Well, apart from Homo Alfus. And religious types. Oh, and Gregorians, unless they are refugees from the system like our loyal National Butler, Benny Gruelmaker. But apart from them, everyone’s welcome.

Of course, the way we play it at home is a little… rougher… and muddier… and… greasier... than the widely appreciated international variant of Association Football; in Greasy Churning, one must be prepared for a spot of wrestling. It won’t be everyone’s cup of Boney Tea, that’s for sure. So who made the switch with bruising grace? And who got floored on their first outing? Welcome to the Johnny Foreigner Report, your annual round-up of the Football Migrants gracing our game.

Naturally, with the strictly amateur rules in place and the generally low ranking of the Bonesligg, no-one was expecting the Galacticos to turn up in chilly Bonesea; clubs are not yet permitted to pay salaries or transfer fees, so we already knew this would be a hunting ground for journeymen grafters and youngsters perhaps looking for a second chance after failing to cut the mustard back home. What everyone hoped was that one or two rough diamonds might be unearthed to bring something a little more exotic to the game. And there were certainly a few of them - emphasis on rough.

Johnny Foreigner Award SB-580
Piet Masschelin

Centre forward, SS Skiveness

Spotted by about 21,000 churning fans as the in-and-out centre-forward from the Veldgouwen national team competing in the Independents Cup, he immediately impressed all the arm-chair analysts with his physicality and preference to play it 'The Boney Way' - that is to say rougher and tougher than the average. With Bonesea performing so badly in the tournament, including a 0-2 reverse in the group match against Veldgouwen in which Masschelin scored, the Bonesfolk took the Veldies as their own for the rest of the tournament, and whether aided by that support or hampered by it, Veldgouwen went all the way to the final, only to fall at the last hurdle to the team Bonesea had beaten in the Cup of Harmony final the year before - Schottia. Out of the 21,000 or so who took a liking to the warrior Masschelin, it was the canny Audioslavs running the show at Skiveness who acted quickest, managing to pry Piet Maschelin from his hometown Piershaven Club. He was an immediate success in Skiveness, as the Herring bowled to the title under the new import system in which he settled with aplomb. Linking up brilliantly with upcoming young forward Ursell Grayse-Lennox, Piet hit 16 goals in his 38 appearances coming second in the scoring charts at the club behind Ursell, but topping the league for assists (18).

They love him back home too, despite his leaving them for colder climes. Here's their take on him, from our Veldie sports contact Mart-jan Schroten:

"A pure targetman with a rocket in his right foot, Piet Masschelin brings home the bacon for Piershaven Club. Across the last four seasons, he accumulated a very respectable 89 goals in 154 games, a figure that has gotten him two Golden Boots and the utmost respect from the home crowd. Masschelin is not an uncontested figure, admitting himself that he turns on a switch when going on the pitch: horrible tackles, clashes with fans, fights with opponents and swearing to refs, he has been there. In daily life, he is a fine guy without that short temper who is as hard on his teammates as he is on himself – doing an extra series after training is regular for him. His ambitiousness is not always loved, but it did result in the man who’s at his age already cited to be one of the best strikers ever produced in the nation. Should be capable to fight with the strong defences he’s handling at this stage."1 can't say fairer than that.

With SS winning the title and reaching the Kop semis, it is no surprise that their foreign contingent score well in the average ranking stats for the season, with Piet Masschelin, Adel Nzonzi, Lobjstein, Davin de Valle and Jeppe Melker all in the top echelons of the performance summary. Jeppe Melker, the young Semarli free transfer, was a bonus for the Audioslav boys as he was signed for the future but has, according to Ez & Dav, got himself ahead of schedule and is performing well as a regular for the new champions. Semarlis represent the biggest influx from one nation with no less than eight migrants playing in the top flight, and generally performing well. A notable top performer was Karl Boness, the keeper at Gymnasia Scold, who, despite his team's poor season, came third in the Johnny Foreigner Index. Envious eyes are watching his progress and he may well find himself with offers from higher-placed clubs soon. His elder brother Anders, another keeper, joined him this season and mostly watched from the bench, but when he had the chance he also impressed. Last year's winner Asteróide, the Daineri at the Boldclub, had another good season, almost hitting the 8 mark for average ratings, but was showing his age a bit in the latter part of the season. Meanwhile last season's Sunrisian runner-up Hércules Menezes also posted an excellent season, despite his side having a poor year by their own standards, dropping from reigning champion to sixth in the table. Florence Boldclub have two rising stars on their books in Nepharim Erik Marlowe and Redvali Renato Moleiro - both had good seasons, Molero out on loan at Torpedo where he won player of the season in Ligg-2 and promotion to the top flight; he will be staying at Torpedo for a second season before the Boldclub look to integrate him into their first team.

Performance Summary

Name			Nat.	Pos.	Club			Apps.	Gls.	Rating

Piet Masschelin VLG CF SS Skiveness 38 16 9.24
Adel Nzonzi SEM OR SS Skiveness 36 11 9.05
Karl Boness SEM GK Gymnasia Scold 34 5* 8.90
Hércules Menezes USI CF Athletic Spit 32 19 8.57
Renato Moleiro RED CB Torpedo Spitney § 33 0 8.46
Erik Marlowe NPH CF Florence Boldclub 27 11 8.19
Lobjstein HUE HB SS Skiveness 39 3 8.09
Vojislav Pitalesharo ABI CF Start-93 37 20 8.07
Jannick den Linds SEM HB Spittalmarine 36 1 8.05
Asteróide DAI CF Florence Boldclub 37 16 7.96
Devin de Valle AUD OL SS Skiveness 27 6 7.81
Zé Caramba USI GK Spittalmarine 3 2* 7.55
Jeppe Melker SEM IR SS Skiveness 15 4 7.50
Leonardo Ducaldo USI CF Grasshopper Club 33 24 7.17
Anders Boness SEM GK Gymnasia Scold 8 3* 7.11
Jojo Valentine USI CB SS Skiveness 8 0 6.77
Escobar de Cabanyas AUD CF SS Skiveness 9 4 6.61
Schreck DAI IL 1.FC Tocklehove 36 7 6.58
Kvetoslav Irniq ABI CF SS Skiveness 11 3 6.03
Carmelo Karl SEM CF Athletic Spit 3 1 5.64
Matthias Eggleton SEM CF Grasshoppers 1 0 5.50
Paracoílson CPV CF Florence Boldclub 11 2 5.42
Delmar Baxter SEM IR SS Skiveness 5 0 5.27
Filipp Nashoba ABI CF Moss FC 31 16 5.16

*Clean sheets
§ on loan from Florence Boldclub

Youth Players

Mochi Yoshinami USI CF Grasshopper u19
Mika Paprika USI HB Grasshopper u19
Mateo Rossini USI/OSS AM Grasshopper u19
Jørgen Berthelsen USI IR Grasshopper u19
Scott Balde USI GK Grasshopper u19
Cocó USI IR Bold Youth
João Batata USI OL Bold Youth

(1) Quoted from Veldgouwen's Independents' Cup roster

OOC Note
Although I have fallen a bit behind, I'm attempting to run one season per RL calendar month (season SB-580, here, is for January '17) based on my general rule of thumb that one RL month = one NS year (Boneytime). Generally that fits with a 4-year WC cycle - but not with a seasonal UICA cycle which seems to be running slower than WCs now. This will have an ageing impact on overseas players who come to Bonesea with a different ageing pattern. It may be impossible to resolve this satisfactorily with people using different interpretations of time; I'd suggest the Fluid Time refinery based in Whelm, akin to a leaky and unstable nuclear power plant, may be responsible for irregular ageing processes that will naturally be reversed without medical intervention when characters return to other regions of the multiverse and spend time in more temporally stable environments. i.e. you age them as you see fit... Always open to ideas, suggestions and collaborations on this point, via TG initially.
Last edited by Bonesea on Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
On indefinite hiatus with pressing RL adventures
Factbook | Sportswire | Boney Jen
BoF '44 (Tamarindia) | NSWC '65 (Wight) | CoH '68 (Bonesea)



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