World Cup of Hockey XXIX Everything Thread (IC)

[Ficiscia]

FNSN.fc WCOH Coverage: Back against the wall against Quebec

The first game of the Ficiscian National Team in the KO round against the hosts, the Royal Kingdom of Quebec in Quebec City did not really work out as planned. The only Ficiscian goal was scored in the second period by NHK Friya's Baldur Hejman who got a pass on the wing and lifted the puck over Marc McDonald's pad. The Quebecois played a physical game that caused problems for the Ficiscians, playing without any healthy reserves from now on as a check from Blanc-Laperriere against center Paulus Marcius broke two ribs of the young forward. There were hard discussions as the first goal for Quebec was scored during a powerplay that occured after a heavily disputed call from the referees - Arrius was given a hooking penalty against Raoul Jang when he claimed the Quebecois had held his stick - and many Ficiscians felt cheated. Similar scenes came after the second goal when Ficiscia's keeper Aedificor claimed to being interfered with. The replay shows contact between Myeon Kim's hip and the shoulder of Aedificor, but the referees eventually claimed that the center was pushed into the goalkeeper by defender Lucius Minor. We talked with the Ficiscians after the game.

Kyrillos Brica, RW, Team Captain

"The game was very physical and hard for us, we could hardly cut through the defense today. I think that we were unlucky as well, I had hit the crossbar, Decimius [Aedificor, ed.] was pushed before the second goal, the audience was really loud and might have influenced some of us or the Quebecois, but we will strike back! I don't see a reason to complain or anything, that's hockey - and we were lucky against Zenic or The Sword Bloke, so why complain now? We will go home, train hard again and fight our way back into this series tomorrow!"

Decimius Aedificor, GK

(appears furious smacking his stick into the corner) "I don't know what happened out there that made them think they should ever have allowed that goal! I can see from behind what's happening and of course Lucius [Minor, ed.] pushes him as they fight but then the forward moves back! I see him doing a sidestep into my shoulder and you tell me it's Lucius's fault? I think that's ridiculous. I'm not saying they did anything on purpose, but they maybe shouldn't just take a quick look at the review and just walk out allowing goals! How can I make a save if I get knocked off balance so shortly before a shot??"

Kyrillos Muratus, Head Coach

"I told my boys to watch out for their physical game, and I think they did well in trying to push back, but then we got that one goal and were knocked off balance. We have been unlucky, but we definitely had problems ourselves too. For tomorrow, I have to put Sextius [Oppido, who was missing the game due to illness, ed.] in again as we lost Marcius now. It's terrible what kind of bad luck we have at the moment - losses against the Swordeans, against Quebec, but I still think my team does really well. Nobody really expected us to make it until here, so why should we complain? Watch the Quebecois game, analyze our mistakes, and tomorrow, play with all our power and score the goals we need."

People on social media, players and fans alike, showed feelings of pride and a will to fight back, as our Social Media Review shows:

"From a goalkeeper's POV that was a horrible scene. Getting a hit to the head is no fun, guys. Refs need to punish this! #QUEvsFIC #WCoH" - @perkokajssaofficial (NHK Friya goalkeeper)

"First loss but we are still proud!!!! #SemperFiciscia #QUEvsFIC #wcoh @FicisciaNTHockey" - @Vera_Litora (Ficiscian radio host)

"@FicisciaNTHockey luck left us but fight back there is always a second chance guys! tomorrow 1930 my thoughts are with you and win for me!" - @p_Marcius75 (Paulus Marcius, injured National Team center)

"The Ficiscian National Team these days is truly a source of pride and inspiration to everyone in this nation. All of Ficiscia is proud of our boys even if you cannot beat Quebec tonight. Fight back tomorrow and don't forget the 89 million people back home who stand with you. Semper Ficiscia!" - Lucia Nerata (Facebook) - Prime Minister of Ficiscia

ROYAL KINGDOM OF QUEBEC 3-1 Ficiscia (0-0, 1-1, 2-0)

SCORERS: 24' Clovius 1-0 (Gong, Jodoin/Penalty Arrius); 29' Hejman 1-1 (Berjaman, Marcius/Penalty Turcotte); 46' Gaudreau 2-1 (St. Kang, Johnson); 59' Clark 3-1 (Empty net)
PENALTY: 7x 2 min RK Quebec / 6x 2 min + 10 min (Arrius/dissent) Ficiscia
SHOTS: QUE 42-33 FIC

THREE STARS:
*** QUE #29 Marc McDonald
** FIC #1 Carolus Aedificor
* QUE #54 Patrick Gaudreau

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan 1–0 Neu Engollon

"Hello, and welcome to Kingston, here in The Royal Kingdom of Quebec, for today's World Cup of Hockey Round of 16 match between Gregoryisgodistan and Neu Engollon. The Ice Slaves will be out for revenge after their shocking early elimination last time, will we see a victory, a shutout, and maybe even a crushing or two from the Enemy Crushers? Who knows? Let's get ready for puck drop.

...

"16:02 left in the first period, Delmasso with the puck, oh, and he is absolutely clobbered into the boards by Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples. Delmasso tries to wobble away but is hammered into the boards again by Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples. Delmasso is down, and he looks concussed. The Enemy Crushers have knocked him out. He's unconscious and will be carried off the ice by emergency personnel. Looks like he's alive though, otherwise they'd resuscitate him, but he's probably concussed at the very least. Anyway, they'll call Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples for a five minute major for boarding since it resulted in a head injury, and now Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples is not happy at all and is trying to crush the referees. And he is succeeding in crushing the referees. They have all been crushed. And it's even better because these refs are from the Land of the Devil, San Jose Guayabal. Well, not anymore. Now they're from the Land of Eternal Punishment, where heathens go after they die. So we'll get a brand new refereeing crew, and they are debating whether to uphold the penalty, call a new one, or what. And Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples is looming over them menacingly, and he is not happy. And now Gregoryisgodistani fans are chanting "DEATH TO THE REFS" as all the Enemy Crushers converge on the new officials. And they're upholding the penalty. And Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples is crushing them too, no surprise. They're all dead. I don't even know where these fools were from, but they're fools so who cares? And now the third refereeing crew is coming in and declaring any further crushing of officials will result in a Gregoryisgodistani forfeit, but are declining to call any further penalties on Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples. He will go to the box for five minutes, and that's it. No ejection or anything else. And now the Neu Engollon coach is complaining to the referees about how Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples should be ejected, and I think he just got a bench minor for that. Now the referees are sorting out how exactly to allocate the penalty minutes. Let's bring in rules expert and former international hockey referee Police Officer LMZCNZIC9AS9D to explain how this should happen."

"Well, Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples should go to the penalty box for five minutes regardless, but because of the bench minor on Neu Engollon, now the Ibex only get a three-minute power play. So someone else from Gregoryisgodistan is going to have to go to the box for three minutes, they'll get out at the end of that and we'll play 5-on-5. Meanwhile, Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples can't come out of the penalty box until the first stoppage of play after his penalty expires, or it would be 6-on-5 and that would be unfair."

"And the refs are telling this to both coaches, and it looks like Pervert Chaser LL00PP19F will go to the box and join his Enemy Crusher friend. The refs have finally sorted everything out and we're ready to get underway. Faceoff won by Ibex, Volksein, to Terfram, shoots, tremendous save by Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel! Sameuax tries to shoot the rebound, blocked again by Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel and it's cleared down the ice by Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz. No icing, as there's a penalty kill in progress. 2:21 left on the penalty kill as Bassati chases it down behind his own net. He gets it up to Reimsel, who passes to Velper, to Gavnic, shoots, blocked by Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel. Velper shoots, deflected by Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland and it will go out of play and we'll have another faceoff. 1:53 left on the penalty kill for the Ice Slaves. They win the faceoff and immediately Enemy Crusher Crushallov St. Lind clears it down the ice, that will kill off another 10 seconds or so. Bassati gets to it now, gets it up, but Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat steps in front of it, now shoots from beyond the blue line, oh, that nearly went in! It hits the right post and bounces away. Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat shoots now, covered by Bassati. 53 seconds left on the penalty kill. And now Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat says something to Reimsel and we've got ourselves a fight. A clean, old fashioned fight with Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat punching at Reimsel rather than crushing him and Reimsel punching back. Now the refs will come in and finally separate them and they'll get five minute majors each for fighting. Lots of people in the penalty box now, lots of penalties to keep track of. I'd hate to be the penalty box operator.

"Well, there are still 53 seconds left on the penalty kill, as the Ice Slaves win the face-off and clear it down the ice again. 40 seconds left now as Neu Engollon looks to recover, oh, and a jarring hit on Terfram by Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz and the puck scoots away. 30 seconds on the penalty kill now as Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz just sends it down to the end of the ice. 20 seconds left as Bassati gets it up to Sameaux, who tries to knock it down to his teammate but there's a miscommunication and it goes all the way down for an icing with 9 seconds left on the penalty kill.

"Faceoff won by Gregoryisgodistan, they'll just knock it back beyond the blue line and hold onto it until the penalty expires, and a standing ovation as they successfully kill the penalty. But Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples is still in the box, it will be the Pervert Chaser emerging from the box. If Liu Qiang An hadn't lost his cool at the referee, there would still be two minutes left to kill, so that was a big bench minor. But we're back to even strength now.

...

"3:09 left in the first period, and Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Harry Rupertson is skating down the ice. He dishes it to Weatherman 92UDH9111 who shoots, stick save by Bassati. Pervert Chaser JDJJ8138 tries to shoot again, it's way high and into the netting behind the goal. That brings us to an official timeout, though as is our practice for our broadcast, we'll keep it right here. And now it looks like they're having a Dance Cam here at the Arena for fans to get up and show their best dance moves. And a fan behind the Gregoryisgodistani bench has taken off his shirt and is spinning it around in the air like a Horse Beater would do with his whip before whipping the horse. And this infuriates Pervert Chaser JDJJ8138, who is leaping into the stands and is now going to dickapitate and castrate the fan. And he's surely going to earn a penalty for that! Oh but wait, now a few Neu Engollon players are running into the stands to defend someone who I guess is one of their fans, and now Gregoryisgodistanis are leaping into the stands as well, and we've got a large hockey fight spilling over into the stands with the fans, classic old-fashioned hockey fun. And they're all getting at it and now the referees are leaping into it to separate them as are Kingston City Police Department forces, and the refs will take a long look at this one to determine penalties. This could result in a number of very lengthy penalties."

...

"And after 23 minutes of video review of a fight that took about 10 minutes, we have our call. Let's listen in."

"There are numerous penalties. 10 minute double major, Pervert Chaser JDJJ8138 of Gregoryisgodistan, fighting and violence against a fan. He is disqualified as a result of two major penalties. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat of Gregoryisgodistan. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Bigmac Fatfrize of Gregoryisgodistan. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland of Gregoryisgodistan. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz of Gregoryisgodistan. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz of Gregoryisgodistan. 5 minute major, fighting, Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples of Gregoryisgodistan. As this is Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples's second major of the game, he is disqualified. 5 minute major, Enemy Crusher Porkbert McPorkerstein of Gregoryisgodistan, fighting. 5 minute major, Julien LeTranc of Neu Engollon, fighting and leaving the playing area. 5 minute major, fighting, Ernst Volkzein, Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, fighting, Maurice Terfram of Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, fighting, Karsten Ruggiero, Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, Bojan Gavnic, Neu Engollon, fighting. 5 minute major, fighting, Andre Manon of Neu Engollon. Five minute major, fighting, Nils Telhoffen of Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, fighting, David Mastroni, Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, fighting, Alex Weissbaum of Neu Engollon. 5 minute major, Siegfried Kemmelz, Neu Engollon, fighting. Additionally, bench minors have been assessed to each team. This is the first bench minor on Gregoryisgodistan and the second bench minor on Neu Engollon. Any further bench minors on Neu Engollon will result in the disqualification of their coach."

"So that's 7 majors and a double major on Gregoryisgodistan, and 9 majors on Neu Engollon. Plus the bench minors. They'll all offset. Two Gregoryisgodistanis have been ejected, six will go to the penalty box along with the nine Ibexes. Nobody has to serve the bench minors because they offset. But the teams will both have to play with a very limited rotation for the next five minutes. Luckily there's an intermission in between."

...

"17:03 left in the second, and as the puck goes out of play, all of these penalties will finally end and they come out of the penalty box. The Gregoryisgodistani fans in attendance are giving their Enemy Crushers a standing ovation. And now as the Enemy Crushers raise their sticks to acknowledge the fans, this is really angering the Ibex. They know better than to take a cheap shot, pick up their second major of the game, and get tossed, but they're obviously fuming and we may very well see another major fight tonight.

...

"12:03 left in the second period, the game has settled down for the most part, but not for long as Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland takes a cheap shot at Gazzina, nowhere near the play, and that will draw a whistle. Gazzina then shoves Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland to the ice, Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland gets back up and we have yet another fight. This is so awesome, even more penalties, that's Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland's second major of the night, so he will be ejected, but Gazzini picks up the major as well, as the refs separate them before others can get involved. Oh, and now Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz takes a cheap shot at Gazzini as the latter goes to the penalty box, and he gets taken out by Velper who tackles him football style. And that will be a second major on Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz and a first major on Velper. This is really getting ugly. I've lost track of how many penalty minutes we've had. Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz is tossed now, Velper goes to the box along with Gazzini, Gregoryisgodistan has nobody in the box but only because they've been sent to the locker room. This is just getting incredibly ugly.

...

"5:59 left in the second, there's the whistle so Velper and Gazzini get out of the penalty box, and backup goaltender Enemy Crusher Krushofski Krushinski and third-string goaltender Enemy Crusher Porky Porkbites leave the bench and just body slam the two of them to the ground, total cheap shots, and now stand over and taunt them. They get up and shove the two goaltenders to the ground. Will they be tossed now? No, the ref is calling two majors on Gregoryisgodistan and two minors on Neu Engollon, so we'll play 5-on-3 for three minutes. Oh, but now Neu Engollon's two backup goaltenders come out to defend their teammates' honor, and shove Enemy Crusher Porky Porkbites and Enemy Crusher Krushofski Krushinski to the ground and they'll get majors, shame as they squandered the chance for three minutes of 5-on-3, now it seems like there's a party in the penalty box. This game just gets more and more violent.

...

"And there's the final whistle for the third period, as all the miscreant goaltenders from earlier get out of the penalty box, and they all give each other some shoves, but no punches, before heading to the locker room. But the refs are discussing whether to assess a penalty, and it looks like they'll assess two coincidental minors on each team, the backup goaltenders will start in the penalty box for two minutes when we play the third period, but it will be 5-on-5. Just a lot of ugly penalties here. This game may set a World Cup of Hockey record for most penalties.

...

"1:03 left in the third period, surprisingly no penalties called this period, Actor 81248D8J on the breakaway - oh and he's tripped up by Reimsel, that will be a penalty and maybe a penalty shot. It is! The ref calls Reimsel two minutes tripping, and a penalty shot to Actor 81248D8J. If he makes it, Reimsel doesn't go to the box but the penalty minutes still count. And Liu Qiang An should have received a third bench minor and been tossed as he threw his fake hairpiece onto the ice in a fit of rage, but the ref apparently doesn't notice it. Now he does, but he didn't actually see Liu Qiang An throw it so he can't call the bench minor, only hand him back his fake hairpiece. Anyway, Actor 81248D8J to take the penalty shot, HE SCORES! ICE SLAVES LEAD 1-0! AND SINCE THEY HAVEN'T ALLOWED A GOAL YET IN ALMOST 360 MINUTES, THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE OVER.

...

"And there it is, the final whistle, Ice Slaves take Game 1 1-0 in a penalty-filled, fight-filled, match. 175 penalty minutes, that may be some sort of record. What fun. We hope you enjoyed watching. We'll see you tomorrow night!"

[Kaboomlandia]

Phoenix flattened by Valanora in Game 1

If there was ever a time to ring the alarm bells, now is it. The Kaboomlandians came out flat and couldn't get going in a 6-3 loss to Valanora. Coach Blair Mitchell expressed his disappointment after the game, saying the team should have been much, much better. Dylan Brady was terrible, allowing five goals on 23 shots before being yanked after the second period. The team was 4-for-7 on the penalty kill. You heard that right, a 57.1% penalty-killing average. Mitchell did'n't disclose who his starting goalie would be for tonight's game, but the entire team will need to be better. The only player who was good for the Phoenix was Kevin Bore, and that was because of his eight blocked shots. The Phoenix gave up 54 shots total. Unacceptable.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Round of 16, Game 2 Cutoff

God Bless the Royal Kingdom of Quebec.

---

Kaboomlandia 3–3 Valanora (3–4 OT)
Valanora wins the series, 2-0

Ficiscia 1-5 Royal Kingdom of Quebec (Scorinated by Electrum)
Royal Kingdom of Quebec wins the series, 2-0

Nephara 1–2 Elejamie
Elejamie wins the series, 2-0

Novaya Zemlya 2–5 Esparmuran
Series tied, 1-1

Nova Anglicana 0–1 Zenic
Zenic wins the series, 2-0

Neu Engollon 2–2 Gregoryisgodistan (2–3 OT)
Gregoryisgodistan wins the series, 2-0

Ontorisa 0–1 Ko-oren
Series tied, 1-1

Abanhfleft 3–4 Cosumar
Series tied, 1-1

[Kaboomlandia]

Phoenix Eliminated in Overtime

The Kaboomlandians came so, so close and still lost. Valanora beat them 4-3 in double overtime. Lyle Mace got the start after Dylan Brady's awful performance yesterday, and he almost single-handedly kept Kaboomlandia in this game. The Calcuttas outshot the Phoenix 58-37 and had eight power plays. The Phoenix were undisciplined in this game, but somehow survived this long. The game started with Kaboomlandia giving up the first goal on a power play. Imenien Lithloth took the puck at the top of the left circle and whipped it in to beat Mace. The Phoenix would strike back, though, late in the first:

"Bryson Martin takes advantage of a bad turnover and he's gone! A two-on-one with Murray! Martin over to Murray...SCORES! ZACK MURRAY! TIE GAME!"

The second period was slightly better for the Kaboomlandians. Although they were outshot 14-6, they killed off all three penalties they had that period. Nevertheless, the score was 3-1 after two periods. However, the Phoenix managed to pull off another comeback with two late goals to tie the score. The game went back-and-forth in the first overtime, with neither team able to score. It was in the second overtime, though, that Valanora broke through:

"Lithloth fakes out Clooney and he's away! In comes Lithloth. He shoots, stopped by Mace. Cutting to the goal, rebound, scores! It's over! It's over! Valanora finishes off Kaboomlandia in double overtime!"

This loss is definitely nothing for the Phoenix to hang their head about. The team went further than they ever have before in this tournament. The entire team will be playing in the Olympics in Electrum next.

[Elejamie]

"And, with the news about Elejamie's second Round of 16 game, we turn to John Daverson. John?"

That's right, Steve. Good morning, Elejamie! Elejamie are now through to the quarter finals of the World Cup of Hockey following a 2-1 win over Nephara in game two. Most of the line-up was the same as game one, although head coach Michael Madgwick did make three changes: Peter Berg replaced Antonio Cervantes in goal; Neil Cuevas, who has recently signed for the Elejamie City Ice Elephants, was also part of the line-up, replacing Mike Cruickshank on the third defence pair; and Bill Judge made his international senior debut as he replaced Aaron Andrews on line three. Here are the highlights:

The first period was more memorable because of the penalties rather than any actual attempts. In the first minute, Francisco Solano was given. Shortly afterwards, on the penalty kill, Cerin Meloten very nearly made it 1-0, which a snap shot that was just saved in time. That was shortly followed by Nepharim receiving a two minute minor for slashing; although. Eight minutes from time, things got a little bit heated between Bill Judge and Reinhard Matheson, although, thankfully, it didn't escalate into a fight; however, both players still received a two minute minor for roughing. A final penalty - Lupe receiving a two minute minor for high-sticking - happened less than two minutes before the end of the period and, when it came to a close, the match was still goalless.

The second period was where all the goals were scored. Nephara found themselves 1-0 up early on, with Cath Scannell's wrist shot making its way past Peter Berg; captain Sigrid Holden and Markus Guildenstern. For the first time in the tournament, Elejamie were losing and were trying hard to rectify that. Fortunately, halfway through the period, James Han managed to level the scores, with a backhander that made its way past Ronan Steiner and assistance from Neil Cuevas, as well as linemate and fellow Avon Stars player Pael Atenar. The Icy Elephants managed to finally snatch the lead in the dying seconds, when Cerin Meloten's shovel shot - assisted by Anatoly Kasputin and Lupe - went inbetween Steiner's legs. At the end of the period, which thankfully was cleaner than the one that preceded it, the score was 2-1 to Elejamie.

The third period was uneventful. Shortly after he came on, Greg Warren received a two minute minor for interference. However, Nephara were unable to level the scores, even with the extra player advantage. Same thing happened for Elejamie when Levin Conover was sent to the box for two minutes for slashing. In fact, Elejamie came very close to making it 3-1, when a shot by Anatoly Kasputin managed to squeeze its way in; unfortunately, it was waved off after it turns out the net was moved. However, despite the lack of scoring in two of the three periods, Elejamie still managed to walk away the victors and, with that, a spot in the quarter finals.

In a post-match interview, head coach Michael Madgwick said "That was a tough match, yes. And, admittedly, we could've done better there as well. But I'm still proud of what the boys managed to do. I'm proud that we managed to get to the quarter-finals three times in a row. Still, here's hoping we do better in our next match."

"Who do you think you'll be facing in the next round?"

"I don't know. Probably Abanhfleft, if you were to ask me. They're a good team and all, taking Gregoryisgodistan to that goalless draw. In fact, speaking of the Ice Slaves, I won't rule them out just yet, just in case all the group winners win their series. Either way, we'll find out soon enough."

Meanwhile, in the other group matches of the day, Kaboomlandia fought as hard as they could but, in the end, they went down 4-3 in overtime to reigning champions Valanora. Gregoryisgodistan's shut-out streak may have come to an end but they managed to complete their revenge as they beat Neu Engollon 3-2 in overtime to claim their spot in the next round. Zenic could only manage a very narrow 1-0 victory over Nova Anglicana but it was enough to see them through. And the hosts Quebec destroyed Ficiscia 5-1 to take their place in the quarter final.

However, not all matches ended with a definite series victory. Ontorisa, who came second in Group C just behind Elejamie, went down 1-0 to Ko-oren. Esparmuran bounced back in style with a 5-2 victory over Novaya Zemlya. And Cosumar managed to squeeze an extra day out of their series against Abanhfleft by winning 4-3. Who will win their series and stay in the competition? And who will be booking their flight home? We'll find out tonight in an extra special Puck Drop bulletin tonight.

Meanwhile, in rugby union, Esteban Moreno is out for six weeks after breaking his ankle in Saturday's match against local rivals Avon Knights; a match that ended in a 35-21 victory for the Knights. According to video evidence, the Coventry Wyverns prop fell awkwardly as he was tackled by Knights prop Tony White...

---

Period			P1	P2	P3	FS
Nephara			0	1	0	1
Elejamie		0	2	0	2

---

Why didn't I spot Nephara's roster earlier?! Seriously, sorry mate for not checking it before I posted my original match 1 RP post. Be glad I checked it when I was writing this one, otherwise a whole load of stuff that might not please you would've happened.

[Ontorisa]

Mandatory Morning Practice
Quebec
9:07 AM

"What the fuck was that last night boys?!" Legearm Cataross shouted at the team as they all looked around after the morning practice. "You go and score fucking 4 goals on them and then last night no one showed up! God fucking damnit! How the hell are we supposed to get past the Round of 16 if you can fucking put the puck in the back of the net?!"

"Boys, we had problems breaking out the puck in our end. The Ko-reans caught onto what we do, flicking the puck off of the glass or boards and began tightening up their defence. You can't keep doing the same thing if it causes 3, 4 or 5 turnovers, you have to switch it up on the fly." Melai Poekis spoke right after Cataross. "Defence men, start skating. We know and we've seen you guys skate quickly and crisply. Do that if the standard breakout doesn't work. Forwards, if you see a defence man moving up, head back to cover his position. We gave up too many odd man rushes that lead to shots on goal and that nasty cross crease goal."

"Game 3 tonight. We got a ton of people making their way out to watch us play. Don't disappoint boys. Play not just for yourselves, or winning the game, but for country and everyone who has gotten you here." Cataross turned and left the room, the assistant coaches following him before Tealmos Wedernas stood up.

"Boys! We fucking got this! You gonna quit here now or are we gonna put up a fight and fucking win this?!" Wedernas shouted. "You think that we've come all of this way just to lose?! Nah boys! I want to be that guy who hands each one of you that fucking World Cup! I want to be that guy who congratulates you on getting that game winning goal! I want to be that captain who insists that you go in front, that you touch that cup! We need to earn that right! We have four teams standing in our way and you know what? Put your mind to it and we'll blast past them! Let's go!"

Oh! Oh! Oh! Pumba rahvahulga püsti! Oh! Oh! Oh! Saada punast valgust! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ontorisa! Ontorisa! Falcons hõljumine! Falcons hõljumine!

[Zenic]

There is something to be said when you can accurately predict how a series will go. Either the winning them is just really talented and the losers aren't up to their level or the winning team is good enough to win a lot but has become too predictable to become champions. So, which is the case for Zenic? That is a question we will be asking of the Frozen Survivors for the rest of this tournament after they swept Nova Anglicana 2 games to none in order to advance to the Quarterfinals in the Royal Kingdom of Quebec.

Goals from Jernej, Jeykll and Franco helped Zenic overcome an early goal by Leif Haas to win Game 1 of their Round of 16 series 3-1. The following Game 2 was a much tighter affair as neither squad managed many realistic chances of scoring in the first two periods. It wasn't until there was only 4 minutes left in the game that Veronica Herut managed to deflect an Ellsworth shot past Todd Ingram for the lone goal of Game 2. With the win, the Frozen Survivors received an extra day off to prepare for whomever they are paired with in the Quarterfinals.

From the information we have received from Quebec, it appears that there will be re-seeding before the Quarterfinals begin. The implication of this action signifies that Zenic may not have to face the #1 in the world, Gregoryisgodistan, in the next round. The decision will depend on whether Esparmuran can beat Novaya Zemlya in Game 3 of their Round of 16 series. If Esparmuran emerge victors, they will move on to face Zenic in the next round; if not, Zenic will square off against Gregoryisgodistan.

This situation is important as the two teams are extreme opposites of each other. While the world's number 1 Ice Slaves are an incredibly defensive-minded squad, the world's number 4 are an incredibly offensive-minded squad who have scored over 25 goals so far in this tournament. The two possible scenarios each pose different challenges that Giehl and Tawfeek will have to work hard to overcome if they wish to advance to the Semifinals and continue their march to a championship.

--Pauline Ferzi

Pauline Ferzi is a homegrown talent, having lived most of her life in San Valerie. She attended New Citium University and majored in sports journalism. She joined The Leinz Herald soon after graduation and returned to San Valerie after the Zenic national hockey team’s headquarters and stadium were constructed. She is now the lead reporter on any and all news hockey related and looks to have a promising career.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Note: There's reseeding in this WCoH.

Round of 16, Game 3 Cutoff

Time to dance the Bolero between survival and elimination.

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Esparmuran 0–0 Novaya Zemlya (0–1 OT)
Ko-oren 3–5 Ontorisa
Cosumar 3–3 Abanhfleft (4-3 OT)

Quarterfinals Fixture
#1 Valanora vs. #13 Novaya Zemlya @ Colisee D'Abitibi, Val d'Or
#2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec vs. #10 Ontorisa @ The Palladium, Ottawa
#3 Elejamie vs. #8 Cosumar @ ParkSang Pavillon, Sherbrooke
#5 Zenic vs. #6 Gregoryisgodistan @ Northwest Centre, Attawapiskat

[Novaya Zemlya]

ESPARMURAN 0 - 0 NOVAYA ZEMLYA (0-1 OT)
Recap | Boxscore | Stats | The Timofeyev Report | Video

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BEZUKLADNIKOV BEAST MODE

After the Novozemlyans fell flat on their faces in the crapfest that was game 2, I think most of us were bracing ourselves for another Ro16 exit.

In game 2, head coach Bobr continued to play his top guns every other shift, and they looked completely gassed already by the end of the second. The Espars on the other hand, had kept their momentum from the third period of game 1 and hit the ground running. They were flying out there. Blaine Blackwood was a force on their blueline, dictating the pace of the game like only truly elite defensemen can do. Orrell Beake was doing Beake things, scoring seemingly at will and generally made life difficult for the Novozemlyan defenders. The final 5-2 score was actually somewhat flattering for Novaya Zemlya. I think most of us feared that game 3 would be more of the same, as nothing pointed to the Novozemlyans being able to bounce back.

But they somehow did. The biggest reason was, of course, Iosif Bezukladnikov, who recorded his first shutout for the tournament. He has not had a great WCoH by his standards, but that right there was a legendary goaltending performance. Assuming my math skills are up to par, he now has a total of 12 WCoH shutouts in his career. Hopefully there's more to come.

Improved coaching was another important factor. Bogdan Bobr finally adjusted and started distributing his ice time more evenly than the last two games. It was really beneficial to have some fresh legs around when the game went to OT.

Another guy who stood out was Enver Anoshkin. If modern day defensemen are all about a fancy transition game, Enver is the opposite. A prototype old school warrior who will level you in the corner and make the safe, simple play. Chip it out, or ring it around the boards. He is a bit of a non-factor in a lot of games, especially when we are supposed to be the better team and carry the play. It's in a game like this one, however, when you are up against a world class offense, that you really appreciate him.

Coach Bobr seemed happy after the game. For a brief moment there to start the press conference, it was almost as if he even cracked a smile, but before anyone had a chance to catch the moment on camera, he quickly returned to his trademark combination of bored and annoyed.

"All credit to the boys tonight," the coach said. "Great team effort all around, superb goaltending from Bezu, and a great individual effort on the game winner by Dominik [Shelagin]. I don't know why he doesn't do that more often."

The Novozemlyans will now travel back to their cosy roadside motel on the outskirts of Val d'Or, where they stayed during the group stage, and prepare for a QF series against defending world champions Valanora. The Calcuttas went 5-0-0 in Group E with an outstanding 26-9 goal differential, before knocking out Kaboomlandia 2 games to 0 in the first round. Even though most would consider them heavy favorites, Zakhar Golumbovsky thinks otherwise.

"It's going to be a challenge but I think we have a chance," the winger said. "They are not unbeatable. The Kaboomlandians took them to OT last night. Plus I think they might underestimate us a bit. They could be in for a surprise."

[Elejamie]

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Eight Teams Left: Analyses and Predictions

So here we are. After that 2-0 series win over Nephara, Elejamie are through to the quarter finals for the third tournament in a row. It may not have been the most exciting series but it has been a phenomenal tournament so far. Sailing through what could've been a group of death with nothing but wins. Taking down a former giant 5-0; it could've been . But then I thought about all the other teams? How are they doing? And how will they do later down the line? So, wired up on enough coffee to give a bull elephant a heart attack, I've decided to sit down and write my predictions for the 29th World Cup of Hockey, along with a quick but (hopefully) accurate analysis of each team to give you some insight. Also, there won't be any pictures because I feel that this is already long enough.

Also, because I haven't seen a match report from Gregoryisgodistan - probably because the guy writing it was executed for whatever reason - I've decided to write my own. Pity, because I've always liked reading them, even if it was biased in their favour. Oh well, let's get started.

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Quarter-Finals

Valanora vs Novaya Zemlya

In one corner, we have Valanora, aka the Calcuttas. Made up of elves that have lived for centuries and will continue to exist long after we've stopped, which is actually quite scary when you think about it but we won't get into that here. Four times World Champions, recently hosting and winning the last one, where they defeated Zenic three games to two in the finals; they've also won the seventh, eighth and seventeenth editions of the tournament. Which, admittedly, was a massive step up from their performance in Ko-oren, where they finished third in Group F. Indeed, the Vanorians were in the inaugural tournament, finishing second, followed by a third place finish in the second. Plenty of experience; in fact, so much that I can't really write much of it here, especially since some of it's been lost to the ether. Either way, a top ten pick and a very strong contender.

In the other corner, we have Novaya Zemlya. They aren't necessarily a bad team. Sure, they got off to a bad start and it wasn't until the 27th edition that they made it out of the group stages, eventually going on to finish fourth. Then came the 28th edition, where they came second in their group, just behind Ontorisa, before losing their series 2-1 to Nova Anglicana. And, they were absolutely humiliated in their Group F match against eventual winners Cosumar (more on them later), going down 7-4. Still, no matter what the score is, let's just hope that Fyodor Ryzhkov doesn't do anything too rash or, failing that, let's the Calcuttas are a bit more tolerant; I don't think anyone wants to see a repeat of his bout with Franny Solano.

Prediction? Valanora in two games. Natch.

Royal Kingdom of Quebec vs Ontorisa

Quebec definitely have a huge advantage, being both the host nation and the second-best team in the multiverse. However, despite this, they haven't really had much to their name. They won the tournament only once; back at the World Cup of Hockey 26, on home ice at the Montréal Forum in (gasp) Montréal, they went from 2-0 against Gyatso-Kai (who are long overdue for a return) to win the series 3-2. Their junior side has had more of a success, winning the 4th World Junior Hockey Championships; the 8th edition on home ice; and the (hmph) 9th edition in Vermark. So they've got a very good chance here.

Ontorisa, on the other hand, aren't anything to scoff at either. They didn't do too badly in our group, only coming in second, simply because they lost 4-3 to us; they also managed to win their series against Ko-oren 2-1, only just losing game two 1-0. They even did a fairly good job in Valanora, topping Group C and winning their first Round of 16 match against Zenic 4-2. Unfortunately, their luck ran out as the Arctic Survivors bounced back with a 2-1 win in game two, before delivering the coup de grace with a 4-1 win in game three. Unfortunately, that's where all the positive things that can be said about them ends. They came fourth in Group E back in Ko-oren, winning three, drawing one and losing two. Same thing happened again in the tournament before it, except it was three wins and three losses.

Prediction? Definitely the Ice Knights, although a bigger question would be whether or not it'll be a simple 2-0 or if the Falcons will make it 2-1.

Elejamie vs Cosumar

We all know about how Elejamie bounced back from a disappointing first tournament, pushing aside then-hockey heavyweights Havl in a thrilling 6-5 victory and qualifying for the round of 16 with one match left to play; said match turned into a 5-1 thrashing of Nassau-Hessen - followed by us sweeping Arkiasis (who came second in Group G in Ko-oren and came third in Group C here) before we bowed out to Novaya Zemlya. We went into the 28th edition with high hopes, only to be met with a lack of information about where we'll be playing, a lack of information about when we'll be playing and dozens of very, very, VERY boring matches; three disappointing draws and two vaguely interesting wins summed up a miserable second place in Group F, just behind Quebec. The Round of 16 was a little bit better, as we managed to shut out The Sword Bloke in both games, but things didn't kick off until the quarter-finals against Esparmuran. Although we fell in straight games to Valanora, we bounced back with a 2-1 series win against Nova Anglicana to finish with the bronze medal. And now, here we are, finishing top of Group B with five straight wins (including a 5-0 thrashing of the Equestrian States), followed by a thrilling 2-0 series win over Nephara in the round of 16.

Cosumar isn't exactly a bad team either. Yes, they did have a couple of disappointing first couple of days, drawing 4-4 with the Unified Sunrise Islands and 3-3 with the Allamunnic States. But they did go on to beat Novaya Zemlya, who's one place above them in the rankings, 7-4. And they followed it up with another absolutely astounding victory, 4-0 over Iskandervale, before a 3-2 win over eventual last-placers Klaus Devastorie officially sent them through. However, along with Havl, they were one of the thirdiest third place teams in the group stages of the last tournament, making it to the round of 16, where they were swept by Valanora. Before that, however, they were in Gregoryisgodistan, where they topped Group D and made it to the quarter finals, where they were swept by the Equestrian States. And, finally, they were fifth in Group C back in the multi-national 26th edition. I would go into more history, but I feel that this is long enough. Besides, you can probably get my drift: their hockey history lately is pretty much a roller coaster from the bizarro universe.

Prediction? Another easy sweep for the Icy Elephants. I mean, don't get me wrong they might end up forcing us into overtime, but I wouldn't exactly say they're likely to trouble us.

Zenic vs Gregoryisgodistan

They're the Ice Slaves. They famously won the 27th World Cup of Hockey on home ice (even if half of the matches were played in Ko-oren), completely sweeping Esparmuran 3-0. They've also won the 24th edition in The Royal Barangay, completely sweeping Quebec 3-0. They have Enemy Crushers, who are exactly what they sound like. They're top of the world rankings. Nuff said.

Zenic, on the other hand, have a much more detailed history. The Arctic Survivors were the runners-up in the last tournament, losing their series 3-2 to hosts Valanora. In Ko-oren, they finished top of Group E, just ahead of the [co-]hosts, won their series against Feministvs Sanctvsterra 2-1 and made it to the quarter finals where they were swept by eventual runners-up Esparmuran; being humiliated in game one by going down 6-1 and, although they managed to come back, it wasn't enough to take game two, which the Espars won 5-4. Before that, they were in our group for the 26th edition. They beat us 2-0, which sent us out of the competition with one match left to play (don't worry, we've [mostly] gotten over it), finished second behind Havl, swept their series against Ko-oren before being swept themselves by Vilita and Turori (who went on to finish fourth, behind Valanora). In the 25th World Cup of Hockey, they came second place in Group H, winning five games and only losing two, where they made their way into the Round of 16; they managed to put up a fight against the Equestrian States, losing game one 5-4 in overtime, winning game two 5-4 in regulation time and game three 1-0. However, they were up against co-hosts Quebec, who won both their games - first 4-3 and then 6-1 - and were dumped out (you may notice a pattern emerging). And, finally, we finish with their debut in WCoH24, where they finished in fifth place in Group H with three wins and seven losses, essentially being knocked out after their 5-3 defeat to Saintland.

Prediction? Gregoryisgodistan in three. Not just because Lord Almighty Gregory will send Enemy Crushers after me if I say the Ice Slaves lose but, rather, it's because a) they're the better team overall and b) Zenic have a bit of a habit of falling in the quarter-finals.

Semi-Finals

Even though there's a good chance that at least one of my predictions are wrong, I'm still going to roll with them and see how they'll affect the rest of the tournament. With that in mind, let's kick things off with...

Valanora vs Gregoryisgodistan

The last time these two teams have played each other was a quarter-final bout at the 26th World Cup of Hockey. Over at the Turoki Coliseum in Turoki, Vilita, the Calcuttas managed to snatch a 2-1 series win over the Ice Slaves. Their first match ended with a 3-2 OT win for the Calcuttas. Fortunately, the Ice Slaves managed to take the second match 2-0. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough and, in game three, they went down 4-2; Valanora made it to the semi-finals, where they lost their series to Quebec 2-1, although they went on to. So, obviously, Gregoryisgodistan will be bitter going into this, hoping to avenge their loss. Will they be able to pull it off? Or will the reigning champions make it to a second straight final? I would say "look away now" but that would defeat the purpose of this article. Also, I'm too lazy to try and find any more previous encounters - if there are any - so this will have to do.

Prediction? Valanora in game three. Sorry, Lord Almighty Gregory, it's not that I doubt your supremacy, it's just that your forwards need a very good kick to get working properly. They've been terrible upfront and there have been two games so far where your guys have scored at least three goals; that 4-0 victory over Kazirstan in the group stages and that 3-2 overtime win against Neu Engollon. On the upside, your defence and your goalies are really working wonders, as we had to wait at least 360 minutes (six hours!) before someone was lucky enough to beat them. So, if the immortal elves were to come out on top and best you, the score would probably be 1-0 or 2-1 to the Vanorians, with a good chance that it would be an overtime win. Maybe even a shootout, if we get as many here as we did in Valanora.

In short: you'll lose but only just.

Quebec vs Elejamie

Alright, now this is the big one. We've played against Quebec a number of times, so I'm not going to bother with the details. Instead I'm going to bring up our last three meetings. First, there was that disappointing 0-0 draw back in Valanora, where everyone was more concerned with fighting each other than they were with scoring goals; in fact, I remember it being so boring that coach Madgwick was more interested playing video games than watching the match. Then, there was our 3-2 win over them at the infamous - for reasons we shall not discuss here less it brings up bad memories and/or insults the wrong people - 9th World Junior Hockey Championships, with Stacy Saunders (who is, fittingly enough, half-Quebecois through his father Danny); the sole highlight of an excruciatingly bad tournament. And, to finish it off, there was that friendly before the 27th World Cup of Hockey, where they won 4-3. I wouldn't say it's a bad match; Antonio Cervantes (aka "Toni" or "Tonio" to his friends, family, fans and colleagues) didn't do too bad a job in goal, Cerin Meloten and Anatoly Kasputin scored some excellent goals and Franny Solano had an excellent fight.

Knowing us, our plans are to a) try to wear them out by fighting (it's a bold strategy; let's see if it pays off for us) and b) try and get our fighters on the ice, since we need all the muscle we can get.

Prediction? Honestly, this can go either way, to the point where I think it will be decided in game three. Do I go with my heart and say Elejamie? Or do I go with my head and say Quebec? Hmm... Hopefully, I'll be proven wrong here but, sadly, my money's with Quebec.

Final and third-place playoff

Valanora vs Quebec

The last time these two teams played were the aforementioned semi-finals in WCoH26. Valanora got a very easy win in game 1; 4-1. However, Quebec weren't eactly down and out as they managed to take game two 5-1 and - just to shake off any bad demons, put the final nail in the coffin or any other tired cliché you can think of - win game three 3-1, in order to make it to the final. Before that, the two played to a goalless draw in Group 7 all the way back at the WCoH21, hosted by the Equestria States; Valanora finished second in the group and, eventually, lost their Round of 16 series to Polkopia 2-1, whereas Quebec came third in the group, got through because of a wild card spot and lost 1-0 to Byfugland in the round of 24. And, to finish off, we have their first known encounter (or, rather, the first encounter I could find), which was a Group 5 match at the previous tournament in Kelssek; Quebec won 4-3, although neither team advanced to the next round (Quebec finished third, whereas Valanora came fifth).

Prediction? Quebec to take the trophy in game three. Don't get me wrong, they're both great teams - in fact, along with Gregoryisgodistan (see next paragraph), they round off the top three teams in the multiverse. But, out of the five encounters I've brought up above, Quebec has won three of them and one of them ended in a goalless draw. Coupled with the fact that they've got a home advantage, which might've helped the Calcuttas in the last tournament, they've got this one in the bag.

Elejamie vs Gregoryisgodistan

Should my predictions come true, then this will be our first meeting. And I think it's fair to say that the best case scenario is that we forfeit both games. However, it's not all bad. Some unnamed Gregoryisgodistani sports writer thought that, back in WCoH27, the Ice Slaves would crush the Icy Elephants in the final. Obviously that didn't happen because we didn't make it that far but, if we did, then they'd obviously be right. Either way, if our players, fans brave and/or stupid enough to attend the match and everyone else in the vicinity shows some respect to Gregoryisgodistan, then there's a slim chance that there'll be less crushings. A slim chance.

Prediction? I'm going to say Gregoryisgodistan in two, for the sole reason that, if I say anything else, I'll be crushed and/or Elejamie will be put on the Enemy List, two things we don't want. Granted, that might still happen anyway because I didn't peg them to win the tournament proper but hey, at least you come away with some sort of victory if you come third. If you come fourth, you pretty much lose as losing (and not the good kind with double negatives).

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Of course, I'm not saying this is what will happen. For all I know, the final could just easily just be an Elejamie/Novaya Zemlya rematch. Either way, while I still have some energy and while I'm trying, I'm going to sing the Gregoryisgodistani national anthem for an hour as pennance for doubting them. Wish me luck.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

"14:03 left in the first overtime, 2-2 Ice Slaves and Ibex. Oh, here's Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz on the breakaway, HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES! ICE SLAVES WIN! THE ICE SLAVES ARE GOING TO THE QUARTERFINALS! WHAT A BREAKAWAY! Enemy Crusher Crushy McCrushawitz sends the fans home happy!

"Oh, and now the entire team is gathering on the Ice and they are going to sing the national anthem of Gregoryisgodistan loud and proud to show their appreciation to Lord Almighty Gregory for enabling them to make it this far in the World Cup of Hockey and enact revenge on Neu Engollon. Let's listen in."

You are our God, you are our Lord
Lord Almighty Gregory
You kill the heathens by the sword
Lord Almighty Gregory
We worship you unto the core
We will love you forevermore
You kill the fools in holy war
Lord Almighty Gregory

Hark to the Lord and his appeal
Lord Almighty Gregory
We worship you with all our zeal
Lord Almighty Gregory
You are our God, you do reveal
Before you, we pray and kneel
You stab the heathens in the heel
Lord Almighty Gregory

You are our God, in you we trust
Lord Almighty Gregory
Your holy sword shall never rust
Lord Almighty Gregory
You turn Hicanans all to dust
You are kind and always just
Worship you, we must! We must!
Lord Almighty Gregory

You give us prune juice and free gruel
Lord Almighty Gregory
Those who don’t love you are all fools
Lord Almighty Gregory
You’re always generous, not cruel
You kill the Sanctii in a duel
You are our God and you do rule
Lord Almighty Gregory

You lead our country brave and strong
Lord Almighty Gregory
We bow and praise you all day long
Lord Almighty Gregory
You’re always right, you’re never wrong
And so we sing our favorite song
And if you love him, sing along
Lord Almighty Gregory

You shoot the heathens in the head
Lord Almighty Gregory
And pretty soon they’ll all be dead
Lord Almighty Gregory
We worship you from dawn till bed
And raise our flag, gold, black and red
With gruel and prune juice we are fed
Lord Almighty Gregory

We praise you and we worship you
Lord Almighty Gregory
To you we all remain so true
Lord Almighty Gregory
The Church of Saintland has no clue
That to you, all praise is due
And you never take a poo
Lord Almighty Gregory

You will not yield to heathen clowns
Lord Almighty Gregory
You will destroy the Sanctii crown
Lord Almighty Gregory
All our enemies go down
From Apox to St. Petrus town
And Llamaland will wear a frown
Lord Almighty Gregory

Sound the trumpet, play the drum
Lord Almighty Gregory
Those who don’t praise you are so dumb
Lord Almighty Gregory
The guns we’ll blast, the harps we’ll strum
Hurrah! We’ll kill the heathen scum!
They’ll die! They’ll burn! We’ll come! We’ll come!
Lord Almighty Gregory

"And that was quite a heroic performance by the brave, noble, good old hockey team. And now we're in for a special treat because they're going to perform their Victory Performance of Heathen Hate. And first, they're going to set 41 flags of Neu Engollon on fire and throw them into the crowd while they're on fire. The crowd flees in panic, but we're not done. Now, the Ice Slaves are bringing out an actual, live Ibex onto the ice and they're going to chop its head off. And now they throw the head into the stands and slice the Ibex's body in half! This is awesome. And now it's time for the Burning of the Enemy List. They are setting 95 Republican flags, 58 Guayabalense flags, and 33 flags of every other nation on the Enemy List on fire, dousing them with gasoline, and setting them on fire again. And now they are throwing them into the crowd. And out come 591 mannequins of Dumpy O'Rumpy and 313 mannequins of Queen Margaret I and they are getting set on fire as well and now they are getting smashed to bits with sledgehammers. What glory! And now out come 612 Dumpy O'Rumpy statues and 591 Queen Margaret statues and they're all getting smashed to bits! And now they set the bits on fire! And there is a big fire burning at center ice and they throw in more Guayabalense and Republican flags and just for the heck of it, another live ibex. It's all burning as the ibex gets roasted nice and crispy, and now all the players, even commoners who have been granted special dispensation by Lord Almighty Gregory himself, are gathering round the campfire, roasting marshmallows, making smores, and singing campfire songs of praise to Lord Almighty Gregory in all of his glory. And now they're throwing 913 flags of Associated Godlands, 383 mannequins of Shirley Phelps-Roper, and 341 statues of Shirley Phelps-Roper onto the fire and watching them burn. Now it's time for more songs and more marshmallows as the fire burns higher and hotter. Oh, no, the sprinklers have gone off and doused the fire, the fans, and the Ice Slaves with water. But the ibex is ready to eat. Yum, yum, ibex meat. They'll eat it the old fashioned way, tearing the meat from the carcass. Yum yum yum! Well, that's all folks. We don't know who we're playing yet, but we'll see you Wednesday night against whoever. Maybe Zenic? Good night, everyone! Except heathens! Bad night to you!"

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Quarterfinals, Game 1 Cutoff

Bang Bang! First blood drawn.

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Valanora 1–4 Novaya Zemlya
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 1-1 Ontorisa (2-1 OT - Scorinated by Electrum)
Elejamie 3–2 Cosumar
Zenic 0–1 Gregoryisgodistan

[Zenic]

To say that the Frozen Survivors did not play well would be disingenuous and false. However, despite the high level of play from Giehl and his players, they fell to Gregoryisgodistan 1-0 in Game 1 of their Quarterfinal series. Now, Zenic will be playing with their hopes on the line the following match and Game 3, if they should make it to that point.

It was great defending from both sides throughout the entirety of the game. Even the moment of the goal by Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Harry Rupertson towards the end of the first period was defended well. Both sides incurred 3 penalties each: all of them for hooking. Other than that, this match would be loved by those who believed defense was the key to winning championships.

Lynda Tawfeek, the assistant coach and in charge of training offensive skills, will be hard at work analyzing what went wrong in Game 1. The following is a suggestion that several experts here at the Leinz Herald have mentioned. One thing she will need to do is get more production out of the second and third string players in order to keep up the pressure on the Gregoryisgodistan defense to find a crack in their proverbial armor. Doing so will help with the second issue of stopping the over-reliance on Tendaji Jernej. After all, it is a 'team' effort, not a superstar effort to score goals and win games. If Zenic truly want to be the best team in the world, they will have to find a way to score against a team that has allowed only 2 goals in this tournament so far.

As the teams clash once more at the Northwest Centre in Attawapiskat, the world will be watching to see if last year's runner-ups can continue their success and momentum or if last year was indeed a fluke result. It is games like this that make champions or break the losers into nothingness.

--Pauline Ferzi

Pauline Ferzi is a homegrown talent, having lived most of her life in San Valerie. She attended New Citium University and majored in sports journalism. She joined The Leinz Herald soon after graduation and returned to San Valerie after the Zenic national hockey team’s headquarters and stadium were constructed. She is now the lead reporter on any and all news hockey related and looks to have a promising career.

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
Calcuttas on Edge of Disaster

Kaboomlandia was a hurdle that the Calcuttas jumped over with relative ease, the overtime game being more of an aberration many thought that a true showing of what the Calcuttas could perform. After all, they had easily handled Kaboomlandia in the group and then in the first game of the Round of Sixteen, though the fact that the two faced off in the first knockout round after playing in the same group was and still is a point of consternation for many within the Vanorian federation. What with the good run of form from the group stages and the fact that they had scratched, clawed, and fought their way to the title last edition, the one bad match was simply a statistical probability. You usually just don't run over the same squad three times in a row, regardless of the disparity in quality between the sides.

However perhaps the Calcuttas should have seen it as a warning that their high paced, high octane game was starting to be found out by their opposition as Novaya Zemlya completely sideswiped the side and took a very surprising four to nil win in game one of the Quarterfinals. This is a worrying sign not only because of the way that the Calcuttas were torn apart by the Novaya Zemlya attack and kept at bay by some rough play, but also because the other three favorites in their series all won their first game. There is also the fact that this was they only match of the four that was not decided by just a goal, as if the world was saying that everyone else that had made the Quarterfinals were significantly better than the reigning champions themselves.

This is not to slight Novaya Zemlya, who have definitely done their due diligence to work themselves all the way to the eight spot in the world rankings, but this is a team that the Calcuttas honestly should be beating. Then again, this is the same side that has fallen into a weird sort of peak and valley cycle with the tournament, as if they just do not know how to sustain the success from previous tournament. It definitely is a mental issue, whatever it is, as it has been shown time and time again that the side has the talent to win the tournament each and every time they enter. Maybe it is a bit of overconfidence or just the remarkably high standards that they are held up to, but they never seem to replicate good cycles.

That can all change tonight though in game 2. Yes the side was blitzed and bullied by Novaya in the first game and were thoroughly humiliated in doing so, yet the side took their opponents best shot and can now come out swinging themselves. While they can not rough up or muck up the game like some other sides can, they can definitely play a smarter game than they did in these last two. Better passes, better shift changes, and more hustle from the entire group and you can see that score from the first game flipped on its head. For the Calcuttas that has to be their hope, to get the little parts of the game right and right themselves, for if they do not there is no tomorrow for the side and such a loss at this stage would truly be considered a disappointment by the side and the fans both.

[Elejamie]

"... We now go over to John Daverson with the news about the first quarter final match at the World Cup of Hockey. John?"

That's right, Steve. Good morning, Elejamie! It's 1-0 to Elejamie as they managed to defeat Cosumar 3-2. The Ice Dragons, ranked 9th in the world, were leading throughout most of the match but, eventually, they managed to take the victory. The match also saw Ethan Swinburne play the third period in a blood-stained jersey after a particularly bad high-sticking incident. Here are the highlights:

The first period was a slight disaster. For a start, Cosumar very nearly took the lead with a wrist shot from Hugh Vargstenen was saved by Antonio Cervantes. Even after play restarted at the face-off, Vargstenen's second shot hit the post, with Corzina Prentice's wrist shot also being caught by Cervantes. It wasn't until seven minutes to go - along with Pael Atenar receiving a two minute minor for slashing - when Silver Worrilow finally beat Cervantes with a slap shot and assistance. Unfortunately, Elejamie weren't able to rebound from that and, at the end of the period, the score was 1-0 to Cosumar.

Elejamie did get some leeway during the second period when, six minutes after the start, Ethan Swinburne managed to pull one back; his snap shot, assisted by Felipe Barajas and Mike Cruickshank, managed to finally get past Nikki Messer. Things got even better for the Icy Elephants when, shortly afterwards, Riley Mrozek was given a double minor for high-sticking Swinburne; unfortunately, Elejamie weren't able to get ahead on the power play and Swinburne had to sit out for a while as he stitched up. Things got even worse when, two and a half minutes from the end, Jaret Cherry's unassisted shovel shot helped the Ice Dragons to retake the lead. Elejamie could only watch as Cosumar finished the period 2-1 up, hoping that they could make things go their way in the third.

Fortunately, the third period was there things turned around. Just over a minute after the start of the match, Cerin Meloten managed to level the scores once more, thanks to this wrist shot and assistance from Anatoly Kasputin and Lupe. It was at that point where Elejamie felt themselves get back in the game. Indeed, Cervantes showed more promise in goal, saving shots like this slap shot from Hob Eraksson, which could've easily gone in. Elejamie then had a major advantage eight minutes from the end when Vargstenen was sent to the box for two minutes due to interference. However, the Icy Elephants were unable to do anything on the power play; in fact, it was just after the Cosumite returned to the ice that they were finally able to take the lead for the first time this match - Lucas Madgwick managing to net a backhander, with linemates Bill Harrison and Paul Morton backing him up. Eventually, Elejamie managed to get a narrow 3-2 victory and, with that, game one of the series.

In a post-match interview, head coach Michael Madgwick said "Cosumar really had us worried there. I mean, I'm not saying we were bad or anything out there, it's just that they were better. And we were both lucky and thankful for that win. Let's just hope we can improve for game two."

"Do you think you'll get another sweep?"

"Yes. I mean, don't get me wrong, Cosumar's a good team and they were leading for most of that match. But I don't think they'll be able to worry us. We just need to figure out how to close them down and how to put more into their net. But I can go over that tomorrow morning. As for my prediction? Another win by one goal, because that's how all of our games are going so far."

In a different post-match interview, Ethan Swinburne said "I'm not mad at Riley for what he did. I wasn't looking where I was going, he didn't look where his stick was... Something was bound to happen eventually. Besides, it was just a small cut, got stitched up and got back on the bench five minutes before the break. You know, I wanted to come on earlier, just in case I was called on to do my shift. But Sam [Finney] and Rach[el McIntlock] didn't want me to. I'm not mad about that either; they're the physios and they knew what they were doing."

Meanwhile, in the other quarter-final matches of the day, reigning champions Valanora were on the receiving end of a blowout as they went down 4-1 to Novaya Zemlya; Gregoryisgodistan got back in form with a 1-0 regulation time victory over Zenic; and Quebec could only scrap a 2-1 overtime win over Ontorisa. Tonight, we have game two of each series. Will the Arctic Survivors manage to beat the Ice Slaves' defence? Will the Falcons get one over the Ice Knights? Will the Icy Elephants win their second game against the Ice Dragons? And will the Calcuttas get their revenge on the Novozemlyans? Find out tonight, Puck Drop, 9pm.

Meanwhile in the rugby, John Watkins has announced that he will be retiring from international rugby. The 35-year-old Murgon Bullfrogs fullback, who signed a three year extension on his contract, also announced that he will retire from rugby proper once his contract expires...

---

Period			P1	P2	P3	FS
Elejamie		0	1	2	3
Cosumar			1	1	0	2

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Quarterfinals, Game 2 Results

Skate hard, Shoot harder.

---

Novaya Zemlya 4-6 Valanora
Series tied, 1-1

Ontorisa 0-1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec (Scorinated by 95X)
Royal Kingdom of Quebec wins series, 2-0

Cosumar 0-2 Elejamie
Elejamie wins series, 2-0

Gregoryisgodistan 1-2 Zenic
Series tied, 1-1

[Novaya Zemlya]

NOVAYA ZEMLYA 4 - 6 VALANORA
Recap | Boxscore | Stats | The Timofeyev Report | Video

---

"A BUNCH OF CLOWNS"
Fyodor Ryzhkov awaits hearing and possible suspension for controversial comments

VAL D'OR Novaya Zemlya came up short in the second game of the quarterfinals against Valanora, losing 4-6. The Novozemlyans had surprised the defending champions (and the rest of us) in game 1 by playing an extremely physical game, wearing down the Calcuttas and eventually winning by a decisive 4-1 score.

I game 2, the Novozemlyans once again tried to set the tone early with physical play. This time, it backfired and resulted mostly in a parade to the penalty box. The Vanorian power play, which had been absent in game 1, finally clicked, and Novaya Zemlya paid dearly for their lack of discipline.

Bogdan "Tantrum" Bobr

Late in the first period, Volodya Polzin was sent off on a questionable interference call, which marked the fourth straight penalty for the Novozemlyans. This sparked some anger on the Novozemlyan bench, and head coach Bogdan Bobr made no secret of his feelings towards the refs, throwing water bottles and a goalie stick onto the ice to get the message across. The event ended up with the Calcuttas getting 5 on 3 advantage, on which they capitalized to take a 3-1 lead into the first intermission.

"It's preposterous," Polzin said during the break. (He used a funny voice and really emphasized the prePOSTerous part, which made the reporter uncomfortable and confused for a second, but things quickly got back to normal and Polzin delivered the cliches expected from him.) "I just finished my check. But we need to move on. We really need to stay disciplined and step it up in the second. Good teams find a way to win despite a couple of calls going against them."

The Novozemlyans did take slightly less penalties for the rest of the game, but were not able to catch up to the high-flying Vanorians, although a late third period goal by Nikolai Gavrilov brought the Novozemlyans to within one, 4-5. With one minute to go, Bobr pulled Iosif Bezukladnikov for an extra attacker, but to no avail. Laerbelidon Taltauré could put the game away with an empty netter, and the Novozemlyan team now has to focus on getting their stuff together for game 3.

Naturally, a lot of questions both during the game and afterwards focused on the amount of Novozemlyan penalties. Defenseman Fyodor Ryzhkov, who himself had two crosschecking minors to his name, was not very diplomatic in an interview with Quebecois TV during the second intermission: "These zebras are a bunch of clowns. They must have put money on the elves."

The quote eventually found its way to the World Cup of Hockey Federation, who will hold a telephone hearing with Ryzhkov during the day. It is reported that the Federation does not take lightly on players publically questioning the integrity of the game, and Ryzhkov might be looking at a fine or possibly a one-game suspension for his comments.

Ryzhkov's statement apparently divided the Novozemlyan people. The main TV station in the country, PBN (who sursprised everyone and actually paid up the cash for broadcasting rights this WCoH, instead of airing pirated streams) held a poll on the subject after the game, in which close to 40 percent declared that they agreed with Ryzhkov, while almost 50 percent wanted him to shut up and focus on his own game.

Team captain Krasimir Yerokhin took a different approach than teammate Ryzhkov. "Bad calls happen, but we should have adjusted and not allowed ourselves to get distracted," he told the Journal after the game. "Most of the calls were probably correct anyway. We lacked discipline tonight. You don't get away with that against a team like the Calcuttas. But we showed in game 1 that we can beat these guys, and I know we can do it again."

[Zenic]

"Holy shit, that game was definitely not good for my heart," Tawfeek exclaimed before she drank some of her beer.

For the third straight game, Zenic was involved in a game that was determined by the narrowest of margins. Once again, Zenic emerged victorious as they defeated Gregoryisgodistan in Game 2 of their Quarterfinal series in Attawapiskat by the score of 2-1. As a result, Giehl, Tawfeek and some of the staff decided to go out to have one or two drinks before going back to the hotel and prepping for Game 3. Of course, the conversation at the bar was all about hockey.

Game 2 was as rough as Game 1 but still managed to feature more goals. "That first goal was certainly something, wasn't Lynda? Who knew that Stanford had such a good slap-shot," Giehl said. "Yeah, the kid's been practicing it since the last World Cup of Hockey. It helped the Royals win the ZEHL the season before last yet he was scared to use it for us for some reason. I convinced him to try it in the game and BAM! Right past Enemy Crusher Fatso or whatever that fat-ass is called," Tawfeek said, raising her voice at the bam and then lowering it back to normal levels afterwards.

Despite the majesty of Stanford Alan Medeiros' shot in the middle of the 1st period, the Ice Slaves managed to equalize at the end of the 2nd period on an equally impressive Slave Beater NDNSHYQ19 slap-shot. It knocked the wind out of the sails of the squad that Giehl worked hard to return during the second intermission. "Not too bad of a second intermission speech you made, Henri. It made ME want to go out there and skate for the Empire." Giehl smiled. "Thanks. I do admit it was a bit strange to become so over-passionate like that. It felt as good as when Tendaji scored the winner."

The winning goal from Tendaji Jernej came with 5 minutes left in the 3rd period. Ellsworth had taken a wrist-shot on goal that was blocked well by Fatso the third. However, he failed to hold on to the puck and Jernej emerged from behind the goal and placed it right into the top of the net to make the score 2-1. Giehl then rotated between his second line (that specialized in holding the puck and eating up time) and his third line (that specialized in defending). In the end, the strategy worked as the referee blew the whistle for full time, giving the Frozen Survivors the victory.

"Ahh," Giehl said after finishing the drink he had been enjoying. "That certainly hit the spot. I do think it's time we should go and start prepping for Game 3." A few in the group, including Tawfeek, groaned a bit but all agreed that they did need to prep in order to make sure the squad would beat the Ice Slaves one more time and reach the Semifinals. Everyone paid for their drink or drinks and headed off to the hotel.

Now that they had some fun, it was time to get to work; they were going to have to stay up late game-planning if they hoped to continue to beat the best squads in the multiverse.

[Ontorisa]

Tealmos Wedernas led Team Ontorisa to shake hands with Team Quebec as Quebec defeated Ontorisa 1-0. It was reminiscent of the friendly the two teams had played two World Cups ago, and the passion and rivalry was still there. Wedernas looked back at the team, each and every person there contributing to Ontorisa getting to this position. He sighed, before looking forward at the oncoming Quebecois Captain, Dave Clark. The two looked at each other, Wedernas fixing his hair before offering his right hand.

"Good game man." Wedernas spoke quickly, shaking Clark's hand before patting his shoulder. "Good luck next round."

"You too brother, solid game." Clark replied, repaying the gesture as the teams began to shake hands.

In the background, the cheers from both the hometown Quebecois fans and the Ontorisan fans were incredible. Both sides' fans were showing immense respect for each other as both games had been super close, each one decided by only one goal.

"Hey good game Tealmos, see you next year." Another Quebecois player shook Wedernas' hand as he continued to skate forward.

"You too man. Good luck next round." Wedernas smiled to the player as he moved onto the next Quebecois player.

"Hey man, no hard feelings from two years ago?" Wedernas could hear someone say.

"It's fine haha. Good luck next series." Wedernas recognized Corispan's voice.

The teams continued, shaking hands, exchanging words as Wedernas finally shook hands with the head coach of Team Quebec: Philip Woodcock.

"Good playing out there." Woodcock shook Wedernas' hand.

"Hey thanks, tell your #3 that his checks were great." Wedernas smiled before looking around the stadium then back at his team.

As Team Ontorisa gathered, Wedernas looked at each face and then smiled. They had gone farther and played harder than they had ever before. They lost to one of the best teams coming into the World Cup and made sure that each game the two teams played were hard, fast paced and fantastic to watch.

"Boys! Been one hell of a ride!" Wedernas called out over the cheer of the fans. "Let's celebrate!"

The team skated around a tiny bit, and despite not being from Quebec, saluted the fans anyways, lifting their sticks and clapping with their gloves on. It was a heartwarming sight as the team stayed on for about 2 minutes before slowly, one by one, they skated off until it was just Wedernas looking around, making sure he was the last one off. He skated to the bench, looked back, and then went to the locker room for the last time.

Ontorisa may have been swept by the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, but to everyone in Ontorisa, they had a small victory in face of this. They defied expectations and pushed farther.

[Elejamie]

"... Over to John Daverson, with the news about the second quarter final game. John?"

That's right, Steve. Good morning, Elejamie! Elejamie are now through to the semi-finals after a 2-0 victory over Cosumar. Despite Francisco Solano sitting this one out and being replaced by Alejandro Rubio Orosco, the Icy Elephants proved that they were still in control of the ice, with Antonio Cervantes shutting out the opposition for the first time since the 5-0 thrashing of the Equestrian States on day three. Here are the highlights:

The first period got off to a bit of a bad start, as Alejandro Rubio Orosco received a two minute minor for crosschecking Alex Johnston. Fortunately, Cosumar weren't able to score on the powerplay, so Elejamie were able to breathe a sigh of relief. However, when Sholakh Marszal also received a minor - this time for tripping George Lincoln, who tried his hardest not to fight back - Elejamie were unable to do anything on their powerplay either. Cosumar very nearly took the lead three minutes from time when Riley Mrozek's snap shot managed to beat Cervantes; however, it was ruled out when it turned out that Galen Gibson was offside. Eventually, the first period ended goalless, with both teams still in with a chance to win it.

The second period seemed like it was an improvement over the first. Elejamie came very close to taking the lead when Anatoly Kasputin's slap shot was caught by Messer. Kasputin had a good chance to put it in, only for it to go wide. Eventually, just over halfway through the period, Elejamie went 1-0 up. After Cosumar's Reid Muir was given a two minute minor for clipping Carlos Sierra, the Icy Elephants' powerplay unit took to the ice. There, Cerin Meloten won the face-off and passed it to Anatoly Kasputin, who was finally able to score, netting the puck off of the one-timer. The Ice Dragons came close to levelling the scores roughly a minute later, when Corzina Prentice managed to tap the puck in; however, the goal was disallowed when she accidentally moved the net. A second Cosumite penalty came six minutes from time when Alex Douglass was sent into the box for crashing into Antonio Cervantes; fortunately, Cervantes wasn't injured and managed to carry on as normal. At the end of the second period, the score was 1-0 to Elejamie.

The third period was a further improvement. Five minutes after the start of the match, Bill Harrison managed to double Elejamie's lead, thanks to a shovel shot and assistance from Davenport Dockers teammate Lucas Madgwick and Greg Warren. Not long afterwards, a poorly-timed line change resulted in Cosumar receiving a minor penalty for having too many players on the ice; Jane Spader decided to take one for the team by sitting in the box and, luckily for her, Elejamie were unable to make it 3-0. Unfortunately, Cosumar were still unable to put the puck past Cervantes; the best chance they had . In the dying seconds, just as Lupe was returning to the ice after sitting out a minor penalty for hooking, Cosumar very nearly made it 2-1, with a slap shot from Corzina Prentice just hitting the crossbar. When the klaxon went, Elejamie were the 2-0 winners, receiving their fourth shut-out win of the tournament and, with that, a spot in the semi-finals.

In a post-match interview, head coach Michael Madgwick said "That, honestly, was a much better experience. Toni did a very good job in goal and managed to shake off that crash like it was nothing. Lupe, Adam and everyone else also deserve some praise, managing to help Toni with keeping the pucks out. Alejandro didn't do too bad a job replacing Franny on line one; hopefully, he'll be back for the semi-finals. And, of course, I can't forget Anatoly and Bill for scoring those goals, along with Cerin, Lucas and Greg for assisting them. You know what? Kudos all around for a good job tonight."

"Who do you think you'll be playing in the next round?"

"Quebec. No doubt about it. Apart from the whole ranking system, how it works and the fact that Valanora is pretty much going to beat Novaya Zemlya no questions asked, there's the fact that I don't think Ontorisa would be able to beat them. I'm not saying the Falcons are a bad team, I'm just saying that the Ice Knights are better."

Meanwhile, in the other quarter final matches of the day, Quebec are the only other team through to the semi-finals as they just managed to grab a 1-0 win over Ontorisa. However, Valanora managed to get revenge on Novaya Zemlya as they won 6-4. And Zenic proved they weren't quite beaten. While Elejamie and Quebec have their day off today, Valanora-Novaya Zemlya and Zenic-Gregoryisgodistan will go to day three. Will it be the Calcuttas vs the Ice Slaves in a World Cup of Hockey 26 rematch? Or will the Novozemlyans travel to the Arctic Survivors? Find out tonight, Puck Drop, 9pm, ETV1.

Meanwhile in the basketball, Paul Duke will probably miss the first few opening EPBL games following a hernia operation. The Barr Dragons centre will be missing the first game against the Iceland Fire on February 10th, along with the following matches against the Avon Saints and Berlin Crusaders...

---

Period			P1	P2	P3	FS
Cosumar			0	0	0	0
Elejamie		0	1	1	2

[Gregoryisgodistan]

OOC: See RL "Civil Conflict"

Gregoryisgodistan Unilaterally Declares Hockey Rivalry With Nephara

In response to Ontorisa unilaterally declaring that its hockey team has a rivalry with the Quebecois hockey team, in spite of ample evidence to the contrary, the Gregoryisgodistan Hockey Team has decided to get in on the fun, unilaterally declaring a hockey rivalry with newfound Esportiva rivalry Nephara. In the words of Hockey Federation President Hockey Federation President Louis Cichacabra, "Nephara has long been one of the premier sporting nations of Esportiva. So have we. Therefore, we are unilaterally declaring a hockey rivalry with Nephara, since apparently that's what all the cool kids are doing nowadays. This rivalry will be called the Civil Conflict, because that is apparently a cool name for a rivalry, or so the cool kids say. If Ontorisa can unilaterally declare a rivalry, so can we. The rivalry will even have a trophy. It will be called the Civil Conflict Cup. Every time we play the Nephromancers, the winner will get to keep the Civil Conflict Cup until the next time we play each other. If Nephara doesn't want the Civil Conflict Cup, we will mail it to their Hockey Federation offices anyway, via international post, instructing them to bring it to the next game. If they return it to sender, we will mail it again until they accept it. If they don't bother bringing the trophy to the next game because they don't care, Lord Almighty Gregory will launch an invasion to retrieve the trophy, at which point the troops will peacefully withdraw."

Lord Almighty Gregory was also pleased by the new rivalry, saying 'Although we have never had a rivalry with Nephara before, I am pleased to introduce the Civil Conflict. Any game we ever play against Nephara will be Must-See TV, and everyone will be forced to watch or be executed. Speaking of which, Game 3 against Zenic tonight is also Must-See TV, but is not part of the Civil Conflict. And we will win, because we always win everything. Our Enemy Crushers are the best, and when they face the Nephromancers in the next Civil Conflict, they will crush the Nephromancers to death and set them on fire. Because that is what Enemy Crushers do best. I am looking forward to a long and budding rivalry, and yes, all the cool kids are declaring rivalries unilaterally, so that is what we will do as well. Nephara, you are going down! Get ready for the most one-sided rivalry in history as we win every game we ever play against you! And let's also burn lots of Nepharan flags in Gregoryisgodistan and Quebec. Heck, let's climb to the top of the Nepharan Embassy in Quebec, retrieve the flag from the top, and burn it after we flee the embassy. That would be fun, wouldn't it? As long as we don't get shot. If we do, it's not worth it. So maybe we won't do that. Maybe we'll just burn other flags we can find. Yes, after we beat Zenic in Game 3 tonight, I will order the players to burn 593 Zenic flags and 593 Nephara flags and roast marshmallows on the fire. And even the commoners on the team can eat them, just to show my love for the team and how awesome they will be for beating Zenic. This is the year we win title number 3. Mark my words. The Ice Slaves will win the World Cup of Hockey, this year, and every year, forever. We will beat Nephara, we will beat Ontorisa, we will beat Quebec, we will beat Zenic, and we will beat everyone else who dares stand in our way! Nothing will stop the awesome power of the Lord! Nothing will stop the Enemy Crushers! We are going to prove ourselves to be the greatest hockey team in Multiverse History! We will be better than Havl! We will be better than whichever old farts are better than Havl! We will be better than whichever long dead farts are better than the old farts who are better than Havl! And we will be better than Valanora, who thinks they're the new Havl but really isn't because we are! And the immortal elves aren't really immortal, only I am immortal, as only I am Lord! And the immortal elves will find out they aren't immortal when our Enemy Crushers crush them and then we slice their dead bodies with the Brownie Cutter of Death! And maybe the immortal elf so-called goddess will claim to reincarnate the elfy poos, but we will really see them dead. And mark my words, ELVES MUST DIE! THEY ARE NOT IMMORTAL! ONLY I AM IMMORTAL FOR ONLY I AM GOD! It will be crushy elfy time, and then slicey elfy time, if we ever face Valanora! And then we will beat them and win the World Cup of Hockey. But hopefully Nova Zemlya beats the elf heathens tonight so we don't have to. But we will if we have to, because we are the greatest.

"In fact, I am declaring every Ice Slaves game this World Cup of Hockey to be Must-See TV, in addition to all future games against the Nephromancers. And we will win this tournament and every hockey tournament thereafter! Mark my words! Zenic, you are going down! So is everyone else we face! That is all, now go watch the hockey game. Go Ice Slaves!"

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Quarterfinals, Game 3 Cutoff

Quebbles feels sleepy, so here's his track of the night before finishing the day off with a scorination.

---

Valanora 3–0 Novaya Zemlya
Valanora wins the series, 2-1
Zenic 0–1 Gregoryisgodistan
Gregoryisgodistan wins the series, 2-1

Semifinals Fixtures
#1 Valanora vs. #6 Gregoryisgodistan @ Soongookseonyeol Centre, Chicoutimi
#2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec vs. #3 Elejamie @ Montreal Forum, Montreal

[Gregoryisgodistan]

"1:02 left in this one, we're still scoreless, Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz down the ice, makes a nice move, shoots SCORES! ICE SLAVES LEAD 1-0! THEY ARE WINNING AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING THROUGH TO THE SEMIFINALS! Oh, and Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz takes a cheap shot at Tamrat Hermann, and Hermann fights back, and now the other Enemy Crushers all surround Hermann and are about to crush him. But now the Zenic players surround them and are tearing them off and we have a massive fight on our hands. And both goaltenders are out from their boxes and fighting as well, and this is really getting ugly. Almost the entire both teams are out on the ice fighting and the refs are helpless to pull them apart. Now the coaches are coming onto the ice to separate their players, and things are getting uglier and uglier. The refs are helplessly trying to pull the players away and this is getting so ugly. And now Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz is crushing one of the refs just because he can. And Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel is crushing the other two. The backup officials storm onto the ice to separate them, and they'll have a bit more luck. They're finally starting to separate them after 18 minutes of fighting, and they'll review the tapes to see who gets penalized.

...

"And after 25 minutes of review, we've got the call. Let's go down to the official."

"There are numerous penalties as a result of the incident. First, for Gregoryisgodistan. Slave Beater NDNSHYQ19, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Bigmac Fatfrize, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Ronald Fatgoat, 10 minute game misconduct. Prison Guard AQIIUS, 10 minute game misconduct. Pervert Chaser LL00PP19F, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Krushallah Krushsaintland, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Porky McCrushawitz, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples, 10 minute game misconduct. Enemy Crusher Porkbert McPorkerstein, 10 minute game misconduct. Prison Guard QQQQPPPAL, 10 minute game misconduct, Prison Guard QQQQPPPAL, 10 minute game misconduct. Slave Beater KKALMN, 10 minute game misconduct, Slave Beater KKALMN, 10 minute game misconduct, Slave Beater KKALMN, 10 minute game misconduct, Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel, 10 minute game misconduct. Additionally, a game misconduct has been assessed on the bench and Horse Beater LAL9120 has been ejected.

"Now, for the penalties on Zenic. Celso Tennison, 10 minute game misconduct. Celso Tennison , 10 minute game misconduct. Gustaf Hoedemakers, 10 minute game misconduct. Adele Ott, 10 minute game misconduct. Veronica Herut, 10 minute game misconduct. Gianmarco Jekyll, 10 minute game misconduct. Stanford Alan Medeiros, 10 minute game misconduct. Tamrat Hermann, 10 minute game misconduct. Adetokunbo Tobias, 10 minute game misconduct. Gottlieb Franco, 10 minute game misconduct. Yesenia Roggeveen, 10 minute game misconduct. Yesenia Roggeveen, 10 minute game misconduct. Olli Piatek, 10 minute game misconduct. Additionally, a game misconduct has been assessed to the bench, and the coach is ejected.

"As Zenic only has three players left, we will play 3-on-3 for the last minute plus overtime."

"And now the Enemy Crushers who were ejected are crushing these officials just for fun, and are charging towards the three Zenic players who haven't been ejected, the refs separate them and will issue more 10 minute game misconducts on all of them, 12 total, and now they're crushing the fourth officiating crew, and they'll bring in a fifth, who say the Ice Slaves will forfeit if the Enemy Crushers won't go to the locker room for the rest of the game.

...

"And there's the final whistle after a minute in which the teams were afraid to do anything. Ice Slaves win! And now that the game is over, the Enemy Crushers are storming out of the locker room and crushing the officials as soon as they sign the game result. And they're dead too. Five officiating crews crushed, and lots and lots of penalty minutes. 43 game misconducts, for 430 penalty minutes right there, plus we had about 12 before that for a total of 442. How impressive. That beats the Neu Engollon game which probably was a record in itself. And now we will face Valanora, so let's do that. We will beat the elves!"

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
Retribution

Some will say that what goes around comes around, humans call it karma, that a universal force finds a way of balancing the world, light and dark, good and evil, moral and immoral deeds. The idea of cosmic balance is seemingly a sentient idea that spawns among all who develop sentience and then a civilization to follow, with the religions and philosophies of life being at an epicenter of that civilization. It is a strange thing that nearly every culture and species that has followed such a path has come with something that resembles these ideas, of the balance that existence has. Perhaps it is because we as individuals and as societies yearn to believe that eventually good things will happen to good people and the opposite as well. That at the end of the day, every action that you have has a consequence and the fruit of the consequence could be ripe or sour depending upon the nature of your actions.

In so believing this string of ideas, one might say that the Calcuttas triumph over the side from Novaya Zemlya after initially falling to them was something akin to the cosmic balance resetting itself, especially given the demeanor of their side following the Calcuttas victory in the second game to force the pivotal game three. Their players had used some more aggressive tactics to try and bully the Calcuttas off their game and had great success in doing so in the first and even the second game to an extent. However their conduct afterwards, where they complained about the officials being corrupt or having a decisive bias in favor of the Calcuttas speaks to their true colors and why those more aggressive tactics were a symptom of something far darker and corrupt inside their hearts and minds. In a word, one would have to go with jealousy, though that is perhaps too strong of a word in truth. Regardless if such line of thinking is truth or fallacy, it certainly seems to take hold of sentient subjects, thus the ideas of retribution, of vengeance, of revenge spring forth and you could very easily say that the Calcuttas exacted their own measure of such in taking the series and in the third game putting their foes to the sword in a display of speed and skill that they are famous for.

From both a moral and tactical point of view, the Calcuttas are in for more of the same as they find themselves once more in the semifinals of the tournament, taking on the tyrannical slave nation. Yes, that nation which is so morally corrupt that we in the press refuse to even use their nation name. As we all know, they are considered by the WCoHF to be the best team in the world, despite the fact that the Calcuttas were the ones to have triumphed last edition. We also know that the aggressive and abrasive tactics that Novaya Zemlya employed to an extent against the Calcuttas will definitely be on display and then some, especially when one takes into consideration the moniker of their club.

It is then upon the side to show their resiliency and perseverance as they displayed in these previous two games, for it is here where the true challenge and desires of this side arise. From the moment the Calcuttas landed in Quebec they wanted to prove that their win was not a fluke and having escaped the trap that could have been their Quarterfinal tie, they are now presented that opportunity in full. It is not the captain's duty to rally the squad, not at this juncture, it is upon each and every single player to rally themselves. The coaches and the captains have done their jobs to get them here, have seen them through adversity that should have sunk their chances of winning. Now it is up to each of them as sportsmen to play with all that is within them and display the skills, the talent, and the cohesion that makes the Calcuttas one of the most storied sides in all of the WCoH history.