5260 Ivesh Bulah Season Preview 30 December 5259 - Vussašighu Yudhuthva - Oh my, what a sight it was. Black and blue ribbons on the Ivesh Bulah trophy. After a full decade of FKM dominance, it was time for a change-up. But did you think it was going to be the Terrors? We sure didn't. Yes, they had a nice group of youngsters clamoring around, predicting success for themselves, but there's always at least one team doing that, and we know where they end up.
Face-down in football's metaphorical humble pie, that's where. And let me tell you, humble pie smells far from good. It doesn't smell good, like blueberry pie. It smells bad. Like a sulphur vent. Basically we're trying to tell you that humble pie is poop.
Anyway, given our general agreement that blueberry pie is delicious and humble pie is not, and given our astute assumption that the high-stepping, big-bragging, inferiority-complex-having Therakham would be consuming the humble variety, imagine our surprise at years' end when it was the blueberry type they were stuffing their mouths with! Indeed, the Terrors backed up their words by vanquishing FKM by a slim but significant four-point margin. That once-ridiculed young team became the talk of the town thanks to their accomplishment. Names like Padorin Sharivker, Qevheh'sibepi Bandele, Šathagha Oluremelekun, and Venedikt Golubev, which once sounded like code names for Bostopian paramilitary splinter cells, are now household names.
Not to mention Eitan Andropov. But for Therakham fans, talking about him is undoubtedly bittersweet. After he'd spent his whole career at Vulkan, he was offered a chance at a starting job he wouldn't have had with the Volcano, and over to Mahathu he came. And despite his age, what a year it was with the Terrors. As Therakham's captain and best player, their title win could not have happened without the hard-nosed right back.
But his success was the reason for his retirement. After winning his first-ever league trophy, Andropov decided to hang up the cleats. Now his black and blue wearing club must move forward without him. Fans' only consolation is that Chiji’thassevha Udhi has been pried away from FKM. They must hope he will serve as an adequate replacement, for other sides will be breathing down Therakham's neck in 5260.
Like cross-city rivals FKM, who were dispossessed after winning six straight league trophies before this last season. The major pieces are all still there: Natasha Klossovskaya, Fušia Oujadda, Peregrina Thašighi, Ignatiy Voropaev, and Lazhthuthezha Jujazhedhi. With a stacked lineup, they will be contenders, no doubt. Yes, losing Dzhamila Ivakina and the aforementioned Udhi, both to transfer, might hamper them slightly, but as always, they have loads of great youth players coming up through the ranks.
Plus, with awareness that the club needs to branch out in its new non-Kagdaz surroundings, the People's Club's color scheme has been altered a bit. While orange and silver will remain prominent in FKM's strip, Pazhujebi black has now been added as well. Supplementing this reinvention, unprecedented grassroots outreach across the overcrowded metropolis that is the capital Mahathu is designed to reel in even more supporters.
But despite FKM's best efforts to conquer the Islands' largest city, other, smaller clubs persist like zits. Like Vezhidrupa, for example. Led by the technically gifted pass master (or is it mistress?) Veronica Thundayal, the Vipers stormed unexpectedly up the table into fourth place last season. They finished with a goal difference of zero, a stat that hints at the club's woeful defensive acumen, but they were prolific in attack.
Gee, what manager could engineer this kind of Takil-esque approach? Hmm. Maybe... wait! Is that... Brutušam Erassi stealthily creeping his way back into the hearts and minds of Pazhujebi football fans? Well, what do you know. After leaving his job as Kagdazka and Pazhujebu boss in disgrace (having never quite figured out how to make a 3-4-3 formation work on the international level), Erassi became the Sargossa national team manager for a lengthy spell. He was quite successful there, and parted ways with the Corsairs on good terms.
And yet when he came back to the Pazhujeb Islands, it was inevitable that he would be remembered for his failures with K&P, not his triumphs with Sargossa. The big clubs would be reticent to hire him. Vezhidrupa, however, are not a big club. Mahathu's entertainment district has never been particularly boastful of their team (even though it did produce the impressively gargantuan attack dog Odšahe Yakoko). But VZL has never been short on cash, and they've been able to rebuild quickly after several separate collapses. Now it appears that with Thundayal and her equally youthful teammates Epeputha Zhaparhi, Vyacheslav Pintusevich, and Iyapo Piriqa firing on all cylinders, Vezhidrupa could forge a new existence as a top club in the Pazhujeb Islands.
So there you go. The Mahathu Three, as many are dubbing them. Therakham, FKM, and Vezhidrupa. Are these the clubs that will square off for the league title this season? Or will other sides have their say? Raktaghav Hathi weren't far away last season, after all! Any club that can boast Ouighšikh Dhujabghevatha, Zubeida Ichuvihaja, Thavjiv Šeruthuvu, and the aforementioned Yakoko in its starting eleven is good enough to press for at least a Champions' Cup spot. And then there's always Vulkan! Perennial bridesmaids, it would seem, in both Kagdazka and Pazhujebu and the Pazhujeb Islands, but they did still have the second-best goal difference in the league last season after belting in fifty-seven goals, a ridiculous and possibly bogus number.
And could we hear from the big-money, big-fan-base triad of sleeping giants, Angels, Urajbina, and Zhevassi? The former club has brought in a few nice transfers, the latter has just been promoted under the leadership of Fidesta Qiva, who was a legend for the Blue and Orange as a player two decades ago, and the middle... uh... yeah, no, Urajbina are going to be horrible this year. Might even be relegation material, unless Meteoriti can find a way to stink it up worse than them. The Yellow, Red, and Blue are painfully top-heavy when it comes to the age of their best players... far too many are well into their thirties.
Anyway, who needs all this yapping? You just want to look at all the neat tables that we have set up below, don't you. Well, all right, fair enough, we'll leave you to it. Just a note, however, the little asterisks in the Experts' Ratings blurb that every team has are representations of the opinions of our special analysts here at the
Herald, retired chief sports editor for Радиосеть Федерации Innokentiy Aleksashkin, former Zhevassi press secretary Chumi'chujama Šanha, and acting legal representative of the KPFA Players Union Senghor Waota. If a team has five stars from any given analyst, it means they'll be a title contender. If a team has only one, though, it means they'll totally suck.
ANGELSa.k.a. The Red and Blue
Full Name: Kuratmad Angels Athletic Club
City: Mahathu
Stadium: Praça de Prata (66,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 9th
Trophies in Club History: 0
Supporter Politics: Right-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin * Šanha *** Waota **
Manager: Wladyslaw Bashirskaya
Formation: 4-4-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Khipi'ribuji Anuvitta M CB 31
Ouaneh'thethazhu Ekhadegha M CB 26
Umashankar Srivastava M CB 29Anton Zimyatov M CB 27
Dzhamila Ivakina F CM 21Anene Soyinka M CM 24
Eduard Winogradsky M CM 28Gausra Gunendran M DM 28
Dadi Ouak M DM 26
Saveli Kovlun M GK 27
Šu Pabhiši M GK 31Fabiyan Aznabaev M LB 28
Duzhfašeh Bhuzhutheh M LB 28
Nessetheezhu Khavukhev M LB 28
Trebiusam Magesh M LB 25
Lazhi'dušegheh Qeechfassa M LB 18Danya Trubachev M LB 31
Dihibhiveh Suhi M LM 25
Okpara Lugheh M RB 23
Chikae Numa M RM 31Dassathus Efušada M ST 26
Needasseh Šefe Qib M ST 18
Yegor Shalaev M ST 29
Maksim Voroshilov M ST 23(starters in
bold)
FKMa.k.a. The People's Club
Full Name: Football Klub Murmansk
City: Mahathu
Stadium: Government District Stadium (85,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 2nd
Trophies in Club History: 12 (8 leagues, 3 cups, and 1 TQCC)
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin **** Šanha *** Waota *****
Manager: Nemešiabhi Ja
Formation: 4-5-1
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Caepio Monicam M AM 24
Rakh Umakanta M AM 21
Serafima Baronova F CB 27
Kondrati Korneev M CB 27
Ouimhinathuvi Fah M CM 27Iv Gutta M CM 30
Saenus Emudhu M DM 16
Lazhthuthezha Jujazhedhi F DM 27Qasim Ukhtomsky M GK 20
Ignatiy Voropaev M GK 24
Heydar Varenkov M LB 24Anjuthušizhu Ghedafghupa M LM 33
Eduard Porkhomov M LM 30
Peregrina Thašighi F LM 35Qakhanukhi Yudhajit M LM 18
Natasha Klossovskaya F RB 28
Fušia Oujadda F RM 33Manu Uneegha M RM 29
Pudhash Zuenyika M RM 26
Sevastyan Chtgheglovski M ST 25
Ijev’inthibku Širharbidhiku M ST 28(starters in
bold)
METEORITIa.k.a. The White and Blue
Full Name: Meteoriti Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Ouedhina Amuzhivi
Stadium: Ouedhina Amuzhivi Stidiyama (46,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 8th
Trophies in Club History: 0
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin * Šanha ** Waota **
Manager: Boris Timriz
Formation: 4-1-2-1-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Boris Turov M AM 29
Fedot Luzhkov M CB 28
Juthu'thiheri Natraj M CB 25Vsevolod Rospev M CB 21
Balachandar Ebezhik M CM 20
Oleg Putyatin M DM 22Karp Zakarov M DM 28
Yeremai Glebovich M GK 21
Thašaf Jimoh F GK 18Foonoo Tha M GK 20
Andrei Nakhimov M LB 23Yaghu'tharira Shrinivas M LB 22
Vladimir Nasenko M LM 27
Averki Ovchinnikov M LM 20Jušupekhir Reh M LM 19
Florenti Tarasov M LM 28
Jhawar Va M RB 25
Canidius Ghanuju M RM 18
Linusam Bango M ST 18
Rodion Bushmanov M ST 19Jinraj Ghirighoosha M ST 24
Ferh Inoniyegha M ST 19
Yuneh'šijechu Sajibher M ST 22
(starters in
bold)
RAKTAGHAV HATHIa.k.a. The Red Elephants
Full Name: Raktaghav Hathi
City: Emuzhezh
Stadium: Emuzhezh Stidiyama (36,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 3rd
Trophies in Club History: 1 (1 cup)
Supporter Politics: Right-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin *** Šanha ***** Waota ***
Manager: Kaikusi Iku'po
Formation: 5-3-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Rada Krylova F AM 30
Ouighšikh Dhujabghevatha M CB 24
Taheq Enaharo M CB 21
Luharhana Mhamesha F CB 18
Falconiusam Urbhevighi M CB 22Crispin Yogish M CB 31
Gordianus Kuruvilla M CM 30
Offin Sowrirajan M CM 30
Osya Instinsky M DM 28
Odšahe Yakoko M DM 33
Yefrem Yakushkin M DM 20
Zubeida Ichuvihaja F GK 38Atish Meyappan M GK 18
Vahuthabhi Mbango M LB 30Achi Rachaqachi M LB 27
Svyatopolk Bartrev M LM 23
Anastas Bakhtin M ST 27Pachomiusam Bhu M ST 23
Khughizhu Dheebha M ST 26
Carantušam Khidh M ST 18
Zamajnuzhe Khumir M ST 20
Šebhijithi Meqivhamu M ST 25
Thavjiv Šeruthuvu M ST 26Orusim Soldatov M ST 25
(starters in
bold)
THERAKHAMa.k.a. The Terrors
Full Name: Therakham Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Mahathu
Stadium: Therakham Velodrama (52,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 1st
Trophies in Club History: 2 (1 league and 1 cup)
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin ***** Šanha ***** Waota *****
Manager: Yegor Gaznayev
Formation: 5-2-1-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Jhepi'vedhessi Chellappan M AM 22Murali Ajuwa M CB 23
Amartya Gihif M CB 27
Venedikt Golubev M CB 29Ivan Kazapov M CB 31
Vharia Ouirudhuthupeecheh F CB 20Andrei Rostovtzeff M CB 19
Chiji’thassevha Udhi M CB 26
Ata Ouazh M CM 28
Zhi Sreenivas M DM 27Radoslav Luzhkov M GK 27
Anastas Naumov M GK 26
Epana Vuzh M GK 28Antip Zheronkin M GK 22
Anjaka Cansai M LB 25
Valentin Gutionov M LB 29
Dharam Nguimgo M LB 18Šathagha Oluremelekun M LB 30
Chujathach Baraguina M RM 28
Qevheh'sibepi Bandele M ST 29
Umaru Macheši M ST 23
Padorin Sharivker M ST 27(starters in
bold)
URAJBINAa.k.a. The Yellow, Red, and Blue
Full Name: Urajbina Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Urajbina
Stadium: Oberlander'ajat Stidiyama (41,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 10th
Trophies in Club History: 2 (2 cups)
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin * Šanha * Waota *
Manager: Charha Chadi
Formation: 4-4-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Postumianusam Aliyu M CB 30
Šidibruvu Dhivadha M CB 30Falx Khumathejib M CB 20
Yamin Obukhov M CB 29
Servilius Parh M CB 19
Yuri Utepov M CB 33
Yughiviz Bhab M CM 20
Bureh Sadhussithiji M CM 20
Domevlo Ghi M GK 19Ghijeh'hizhighi Šejha M GK 25
Artyom Borzakov M LM 25
Jahat Chahachim M RB 38Uv Zha M RB 30
Bikath Ateba M RM 20
Ahiratha Cheenqašifu M RM 30
Yegor Obolensky M RM 32
Vergiliusam Ateba M ST 21Feofil Gordiev M ST 23
Ouagha Mebhav M ST 27Itoto Ukipu M ST 24
(starters in
bold)
URNABHIa.k.a. The Spiders
Full Name: Urnabhi
City: Emuzhezh
Stadium: Emuzhezh Stidiyama (36,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 7th
Trophies in Club History: 0
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin *** Šanha ** Waota ***
Manager: Cjkbavkc Qd
Formation: 4-3-1-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Ouašukhuma Bhunhufajeh M AM 26
Ryurik Mizirov M CB 37
Ouagh Olembe M CB 29Nhu Vidwans M CB 30
Ayoluwa Ghu F CM 23
Wlodzimierz Nelidov M GK 22
Assu Danquah M LB 25
Yuzhissa Aghimaqaj M LM 33Lucullus Dhapeshvana M LM 24
Caligularana Harishandra M LM 32
Sivissivu Ihu M LM 22
Yaghepidhi Oparaku M LM 23
Ayodhika Oparaku F LM 18
Akasagarbhi Jathirissi M RB 27
Lakha'nakhira Reenharaji M RB 19Yelisei Timkowski M RM 25
Pavel Vengerov M RM 29Bandele Visweswaramurthy M RM 19
Okpara Aliyu M ST 27
Hridayaja Durai M ST 28
Bishwajit Thajubhu M ST 27(starters in
bold)
VEZHIDRUPAa.k.a. The Vipers
Full Name: Vezhidrupa Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Mahathu
Stadium: Namhanku Aviation Field (32,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 4th
Trophies in Club History: 0
Supporter Politics: Right-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin ***** Šanha ***** Waota *****
Manager: Brutušam Erassi
Formation: 3-4-3
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Profuteriušam Nikesh M CB 25
Pi'po Semari M CB 26
Kuzma Gataullin M CM 25
Donat Guliyev M CM 24
Iyapo Piriqa M CM 18Dheesh Amufi M GK 28
Nikita Karbonenko M GK 28
Vhunu'dahara Saach M GK 24
Essi'nuchibhu Zuduthirvena M GK 22Vladimir Loginov M LM 27
Catonius Solaja M LM 28Yov Baronov M RM 31
Reevhu Bazighe M RM 20
Lacheej Dhudi M RM 18
Veronica Thundayal F RM 20
Kiril Hvorostovsky M ST 22
Vyacheslav Pintusevich M ST 25Onanin Shubukin M ST 25
Vheequbuj Yavar M ST 23
Epeputha Zhaparhi M ST 18(starters in
bold)
VULKANa.k.a. The Volcano
Full Name: Football Club Vulkan Gelendzhik
City: Novoye Kagdazka
Stadium: Yašah Studios Field (62,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 5th
Trophies in Club History: 1 (1 cup)
Supporter Politics: Left-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin **** Šanha **** Waota ****
Manager: Kha Zhessahi
Formation: 4-4-2
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Dhuhuvrizhifi Bazighe M CB 23
Rima Melamida F CB 24
Andrian Mikhaylichenko M CB 29
Naum Venclov M CB 27Gleb Guznishchev M CM 22
Vee Mharighechooba M CM 21
Nikita Prerovsky M CM 31Sanjog Šan M CM 30
Aj Katusi M GK 18
Akanni Vazhpaji M GK 27
Rodion Martinov M LB 28
Nadhathadheegh Qhu M LM 31Dhess Šu M LM 28
Osip Lazarenko M RM 23
Basanta Olukojo M RM 27Yarok Svatkowski M RM 26
Ouadhuchassia Ešu F ST 25
Chalia Sajid F ST 27Konstantin Tsarapkin M ST 29
Zhivi'ejethi Zhu M ST 30(starters in
bold)
YASTRABIa.k.a. The Hawks
Full Name: Yastrabi Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Ouedhina Amuzhivi
Stadium: Ouedhina Amuzhivi Stidiyama (46,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: 6th
Trophies in Club History: 1 (1 cup)
Supporter Politics: Right-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin ** Šanha **** Waota ****
Manager: Sheef Bedi
Formation: 3-4-3
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Azhibhef Seetharaman M AM 24
Zivan Mozarov M CB 22Dihebhakeh Okpara M CM 28
Kkrhumoq Ztnkk M CM 25
Ouadikh Lhu M GK 27
Camran Linchuk M LB 28Soja Mbongo M LB 29
Lazhi'dušegheh Qeechfassa M LB 18
Rodian Bakhvalov M LM 23Ilya Narimanov M RB 29
Leonti Rospev M RB 24
Veegh Surati F RB 19
Bhussu Tapti M RB 20
Naum Udachin M RB 34
Taras Murin M RM 23Obierika Solanki M RM 31
Thidhi'faghupi Akpan M ST 30
Sergei Astapkovich M ST 26
Lyonya Filipov M ST 31
Baneegh Hukhijjisseh M ST 30Enavada Zha M ST 32
(starters in
bold)
ZHEVASSIa.k.a. The Galacticos
Full Name: Zhevassi Zafaryab Ludujat
City: Zhevassi
Stadium: Graha'ajat Stidiyama (99,000 seats)
Finish Last Year: PIFA League 1 Champion
Trophies in Club History: 8 (5 leagues and 3 cups)
Supporter Politics: Right-wing
Experts' Ratings: Aleksashkin ** Šanha * Waota *
Manager: Fidesta Qiva
Formation: 4-5-1
NAME GENDER POS AGE
Jejia Arussu F AM 24
Ejkessia Adebola F CB 21
Soterichus Amueke M CB 17
Nikita Borshevsky M CB 29Chaqu'ethavu Hejibheheh M CB 19
Gerasim Meshcheryakova M CB 30
Ravil Oleshuk M CB 22
Adesanya Tchami M CB 17
Hakhubefi Fodio M CM 21
Ryurik Orlov M CM 22
Ouare'neeghucheh Vasava M DM 30
Bogdan Gerschenkron M GK 21Nikodim Nakhimoff M GK 30
Yathajur Theghathissanu M LB 21Kopos Motova M LM 26
Venedikt Proniakin M LM 30
Rubessadhandi Soyinka F RM 26Fekha'jizhimu Urassezhu M RM 18
Balavan Jav M ST 32Ezhib'zhebhugha Ouimiqiv M ST 23
Ašakhune Sudhindranath M ST 21
Jaghaq Tantry M ST 24
(starters in
bold)