World Cup 68 RP Thread

by **Super-Llamaland** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:23 am

Chapter 1
Chapter 1.5
Chapter 1.75
Chapter 1.875
Chapter 1.9375
Chapter 1.96875
Chapter 1.984375

Complied Rundimness

Chapter 1.9921875

"Hicana, just admit you suck at basketball," Llama was saying.

"Nope. We are playing to twenty-one, pickup basketball, right now."

"Umm...okay."

"And if you're so good, mister Round-of-sixteen-at-the-IBC, then you can take on me and Jeckland over here."

Jeckland turned around, confused. "What?"

"Let's go, Jeck," Hicana said belligerently. "We are going to beat up Llama-face over here."

"Uh, and I don't get a partner?" Llama was backing into a corner for some reason or another.

Suddenly, they heard a shout of "Hey! Llama!" It sounded vaguely Salvadoran.

"San Jose Guayabal!" Llama yelled, running over to the newcomer. "Just in time to play pickup basketball!"

And so they played. It was not pretty. The team of Llama and Guayabal soundly thrashed Jeckland and Hicana, who accused them of cheating despite fouling Guayabal while he was shooting at least six times, by a score of twenty-one to four. Llama allegedly scored fifteen points, although SJG had something to say about that.

"No-puff-fair!" Hicana yelled, on his knees, as Jeckland came out with a bottle of water and some peanuts.

"Why does everybody in this RP like eating peanuts?" SJG asked, while stealing Jeckland's peanuts and eating them.

"Anyways, what do we do about undead New Koln?" Hicana asked at Llama, staring at him pointedly.

"There's only one option. We call--"

"No!" Hicana cried. "Not the fabled Ghost-Busters!"

"Actually, I was going to call for a pizza so we can talk this over at lunch, but that works too," he said.

"You don't understand!" Hicana yelled. "Once the GhostBusters killed my best friend."

"Was your best friend...a ghost?"

"Yeah, but I don't see where you're going with this."

"The GhostBusters? Who's that?" Jeckland asked.

"Paradystopia and a few mods," Llama explained to him. "I thought you were the one that told me New Koln was still alive in disguise."

"Well, yeah, but I thought Paradystopia was going independently."

"Okay, what's their number?"

"1-800-222-1222."

"Isn't that the Poison Control Center?"

"Not in this dimension. In this dimension, the Poison Control Center number is 3-486."

"That's not even a phone number."

"Stop thinking like a normal person!" Llama yelled frustratedly.

"Okay, okay, squirrels," mumbled Jeckland.

"That's better. Wait, what's that!"

A piece of paper fell from the ceiling. It appeared to be from a wormhole that had opened up. It was a six-inch-long scroll of yellowed parchment. Llama caught it before it touched the ground and opened it. It read, THE RIGHTS OF ALL SAPIENT BEINGS IN THE MULTIVERSE.

The introduction wrote: THESE ARE THE RIGHTS OF ALL SAPIENT BEINGS. IF YOU VIOLATE THESE, IT IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.

And they began.

1.) The right to pretend flashlights are lightsabers.
2.) The right to deny the first right as a right.
3.) The right to purple construction paper.
4.) The right to free emoticon usage. (Repealed in right seven)
5.) The right to choosing when to swallow peanuts...

"Uh oh," said Hicana, "didn't you violate that right, Llama?"

"Yeah...TO THE SPACESHIP!"

Jeckland, SJG, Llama, and Hicana rushed to the large blue spaceship that had randomly appeared in the living room.

Mark Rogers walked towards the garden and fell through the wormhole, which really wasn't in the lush, green garden but right next to it. He appeared in Gregoryisgodistan and climbed onto the beach, completely ignoring Gerald Smith, who was lying on the beach, he climbed into the Gregoryisgodistan slave camp, picked up the universe-renowned physicist Gerald Smith, and despite hearing a cry of "Noooo" from an interdimensional wormhole Llama created, was sucked back onto the large blue spaceship in the living room of Llama's house.

"What's your name?"

"Gerald Smith," said Gerald Smith, waking up. There were a few people from that one rogue nation that worshipped their dictator, Gregory. What was it called, Johnisgodistan? No...he thought Gregory was in it somehow.

JohnisGregoryistan? never mind, that made no sense.

"Gerald Smith, welcome to this slave camp. You'll be staying here for a quite a long time, so please come with us."

"Erm, I don't want to...?"

"Now." A rope appeared. Smith was hog-tied and carried to the prison camp.

"This is bad," Jeckland noted, "very bad." They had gotten a video feed of Gerald Smith.

"Okay, I got this," Llama said, and began to RP.

A wormhole appeared in one of the Gregoryisgodistani slaves. Gerald's feet, formerly resting on the man's just, popped through it and into the spaceship, where Llama, Hicana, SJG, and Jeckland all began to tug on it.

"Harder!" SJG gasped. "We're losing him!"

Meanwhile, the Gregoryisgodistanis were noticeably upset and tried to yank him back. A fierce tug-of-war ensued.

"Ow," Gerald said as the competing groups tried to tug him apart.

Meanwhile, in the ship, Mark Rogers and the Wrong Gerald Smith flashed into view.

"Pull! Pull!" Llama cried, so they ran over and did so. But it was no use. The men from Gregoryisgodistan were beginning to tug Gerald back. "It's no use! Let's get out of here, there's a price on my head now!"

"Don't be so greedy, Llama!"

"I'm about to die! We're all about to die!"

Suddenly, a massive Multiverse Patrol and Police Ship appeared behind them.

"Tug harder, for Margaret's sake!" Llama screamed hysterically as he began to drive the ship.

by **HopNation** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:56 am

The Games

Wow, that was a match! Super-Llamaland came prepared for our Hops that's for sure. Watching the game the two sides seemed very even in terms of skill level. They both wanted to come way with a win, but alas the side from Super-Llamaland handed the Hops their first home loss of this cycle. Something we figured would happen, but not until the second leg as teams would be more prepared for the Brew Kettle Brigade and the noise they produce from their supporters section. The two teams were even at half, but Tigers came out of the locker room ready to start the second half and scored an early goal. That goal was scored by striker Bobby Crosby and he was assisted by Jake Wiggins. The Hops powered back and took some control of the game after the goal and managed to net their equalizer in the 82nd minute, which came from some very good play by Myer as he slotted the ball forward through Nelson and Hanson of the Tigers for Schytaing to knock home. This was short lived however as Crosby struck again just two minutes later to give the Tigers their game winner. Their rematch should be one for the ages, at least if this match is any indication of how they compare to each other going forward. Overall a great match by both sides.

HopNation Match Ups

MD 1: vs The Fair Republic (5-1)	MD  8: @ The Fair Republic
MD 2: @ Theaoie (1-1)     		MD  9: vs Theaoie
MD 3: vs Seraphic Empire (3-0)          MD 10: @ Seraphic Empire
MD 4: @ Osarius (2-6)			MD 11: vs Osarius
MD 5: vs Super-Llamaland (1-2)	        MD 12: @ Super-Llamaland
MD 6: @ Sandwich Territories		MD 13: vs Sandwich Territories
MD 7: vs Kaldtland			MD 14: @ Kaldtland
Win|Draw|Loss

The Expectations

Things seem to be falling into place now that the teams are past half way to the half way point of qualifications. The next couple of matches should see the group falling even more into our predicted finish list, but remember there are always some surprises along the way.

Current Places:
Osarius
Sandwich Territories
Super-Llamaland
The Fair Republic
HopNation
Theaoie
Seraphic Empire
Kaldtland

Predicted Finish:
Osarius
Sandwich Territories
HopNation
Super-Llamaland
The Fair Republic
Seraphic Empire
Theaoie
Kaldtland

We'll continue to post these, but look for a revised Finish list once the second leg gets underway. Until then Brew On Brew Well Hoptonians!

by **Paradystopia** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:08 pm

OOC: Limited time = Short RP. Dennis Barker(?)'s application to the PSABBHSTRANDOMLETTERSWTF on hold for now.

Very nice Mr Lascivious-Squid is it? Your vivid explanation of twenty-seven ways to use a frying pan as a sexual aid was most enthralling, if a little grotesque in places. Could you please elaborate on your experience in horseradish surveillance?

Mm-hm. Good good. You have how many plants, sorry?

Thirty-six. Great and you say ...

No, Mr Lascivious-Squid, you needn't provide me with twenty-seven sexual uses for horseradish. We've already established you are utterly cuckoo.

You're welcome. So, what methods of surveillance are you currently using?

Mm-hm, mm-hm.

So that's hidden cameras in the turnip patch, all your garden gnomes are equipped with night-vision goggles and a seismograph in the greenhouse?

Sorry, of course. All the individual plants are micro-chipped.

I beg your pardon?

Your friend Budgie wonders if he can play for The Inevitable Syndicate? Well, I ...

Or Audioslavia, he's not fussy. I see. Well, I'm actually unable to answer that query Mr Lascivious-Squid. I'd advise that ...

Yes, I see. Regardless of whether he's actually an ironically named goose, you'd have to take up that inquiry with the appropriate bodies.

No thank you, I wouldn't like to hear twenty-seven ways to use a goose as a sexual aid. I believe there are laws against that sort of thing.

Purely hypothetical, I see.

Yes, I'd imagine they are quite soft. Anyway Mr Lascivious-Squid, thank you for your time. We'll be in contact once we've reviewed all the applications.

May the force be with you also. Thank you again. Bye.

by **McKleigh** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:24 pm

McKleigh finds itself sitting in 5th after a second win after defeating Iturributa 2-0. Goals scored by Lincoln McKleigh and Jonah MacGrough. McKleigh is ecstatic as the next two matches should not only result in wins but an increase in net points as we play bottom of the pack Gandham Islands and then Levivania.

But before we become to confident lets review some history. After a winless BOF 42 McKleigh found itself with 3 wins and a draw after 5 matches in World Cup 55. McKleigh has just two wins and a draw after 5 matches currently. In WC55 we ended with 5 wins 5 draws and 10 losses. Let us not forget history. Let us go forward with determination to win. We are only 0-1-2 against the top three with our worst defeat being by only two goals. We could defeat any of those teams, we could just as easily lose out. The deciding factor could be fan support, something we lacked in WC55. So lets get out there and cheer our players on!

by **Gregoryisgodistan** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:27 pm

Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord Fired (Literally)

Following a disappointing start to World Cup qualifying, with just one win in their first five games, Gregoryisgodistan's Soccer Bureau announced that it had fired Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord from his role as head coach. Furthermore, Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord was quite literally fired. His body was taken to the middle of Lord Almighty Gregory National Stadium after the team failed to even score a goal against Taijan, a nation which no longer exists thanks to Lord Almighty Gregory smiting them. In fact, the Foot Slaves have not scored a goal for four games now. It is a truly terrible performance, and Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord is clearly to blame.

But back on topic, after Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord was taken to the middle of the field, he was tied to a wooden pole, doused in gasoline, and set on fire. He is thought to be the first soccer coach in history to be literally fired for poor performance. He has greatly shamed the nation, and truly deserved this fate. According to Lord Almighty Gregory, "This sinner betrayed me and this great nation. He deserves to perish for his sins. A literal firing is the most fitting way for him to go. He shall now be burning forever in the Land of Eternal Torture, where all sinners go."

Meanwhile, Gregoryisgodistan needed a new coach, and Lord Almighty Gregory personally named former midfielder Retired Soldier Commander Lieutenant Warlord McBurgerKing the new head coach. Retired Soldier Commander Lieutenant Warlord McBurgerKing played as a midfielder in World Cup 66 and World Cup 67 qualifying as well as in one Cup of Harmony and one Baptism of Fire. He started every game while he was on the roster and scored four goals as well as recording 10 assists. His eight assists in World Cup 67 qualifying are more than any Foot Slave ever has had in a single qualifying tournament. (OOC: Bonus points if you know why this statistic is misleading. But it's propaganda, so who cares?)

Retired Soldier Commander Lieutenant Warlord McBurgerKing will take over as head coach immediately, as Gregoryisgodistan hosts Kericia tonight. The Foot Slaves are currently in a disappointing sixth place in Group 16 with only 6 points, while Kericia is in second place with 10. However, only three points separate the Foot Slaves from third place Svengarda, and a third place finish would be good enough for a playoff spot. Furthermore, the Foot Slaves are only five points out of first place despite being in sixth place, making Group 16 one of the closest groups in qualifying. Only Group 5 has fewer points separating the first and sixth place teams. Although we are almost halfway through and the Foot Slaves are in sixth place, there is still hope for them due to the unique format of qualifying and the tightness of the group. It should be a fun next couple weeks. Go Foot Slaves!

by **Northern Sunrise Islands** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:44 pm

RADIO ESPORTIVA
Chapter 6: I think we're not in Sportsville anymore

Sunrise: What favor?
Paradys: Well, you see... I have a likeness for word studying.
Sunrise: Meh, go use a computer then. I'm unavailable.
Paradys: Sunrise, you don't work at anything, how could you be unavailable?
Sunrise: I had to endure an angry Apox, scrubbing floors at UICA, Kitsunia's tail on my mouth and to top it off a throw that only Segata Sanshiro could do!
Paradys: Uh... who?
Sunrise: I wonder if Hodori is paying us to say that.
Paradys: Paying us?
Sunrise: Follow the script!
Paradys: What script? ...Forget it, I just need you to go find my dictionary.
Sunrise: ...Just that?
Paradys: Uh huh.
Sunrise: No shenanigans?
Paradys: Yup.
Sunrise: Whatever you say, miss.

After a rather long walk, the two finally arrive at Paradys' Lair, a strange castle-like house. Sunrise was impressed (and also afraid) by the walls of stone and the other relics.

Sunrise: Eh... you live here?
Paradys: Where else would I live, Sunrise?
Sunrise: I don't know... in the current century?
Paradys: *sigh* You just don't understand the beauty of old, classic things.
Sunrise: Oh, don't tell me you play in 8-bit machines!
Paradys: Machines?
Sunrise: Dear lord! Let's just go get that damn dictionary!
Paradys: Oh, here it is.

Paradys opens the doors of her closet, with a complete dark background inside it, nothing being seen. She also hands Sunrise a lantern.

Paradys: You're going to need it. But don't worry. You'll be fine. Enter.

Sunrise enters the closet reluctantly, until finding itself lost on the dark.

Sunrise: Paradys? You there! Send help!
Paradys: *from far away* USE THE LANTERN!
Sunrise: Oh...

As he turns the lantern on, he continues to walk, before finally finding out that this wasn't at all a closet.

Sunrise: Where am I?

He notices a small sign saying "Welcome to Paraland", before paying attention to the area it had a road made of bricks, dozens of trees that curiously were in black and white and strange things all around. Suddenly two young boys, one dressed in purple and yellow with a crown on his head and another one dressed in red and white playing a tambourine.

Matthew: You're at Paraland! I'm Prince Matthew and this is my ally, Lord Agremian!
Agremian: *tambourine noises*
Sunrise: Heh, well... what is this place?
Matthew: It's a magical place, guarded by the gods of Srsp!
Agremian: *tambourine noises*
Sunrise: OK... Now, do you two know where is the dictionary Paradys lost?
Matthew: Oh, the magical dictionary! It's at the end of the road of gray bricks... but you'll face dozens and dozens of denizens! You'll fight a sea battle against the mighty Sailor Ark and will have to defeat the strong mind power of Lymyrk to obtain it and-
Sunrise: You sure it's not that over there?

Sunrise points to a shiny book near the trees.

Matthew: Oh... that's nothing, ignore that. Let's go to your adventure!
Sunrise: Hmmm...

Sunrise gets the shiny book, wipes the dirt on front of it and finds an exit not too far away.

Sunrise: I think this does it. Bye, folks. See you at the Heritage Dinner.
Matthew: Bye... *sigh*
Agremian: You think we convinced him that it was entretaining?
Matthew: Keep in character, for crying out loud. She's going to fire us if we keep screwing up her exhibitions of this new fun park.
Agremian: Well, if it was at least original...
Matthew: It is!
Agremian: Kansas would certainly like to doubt that.

Sunrise finally gets back at the main room of Paradys' Lair, with said book.

Paradys: Already? Did you bribe Lymyrk to progress?
Sunrise: Nope. Just found it and brought it back. What was that all about?
Paradys: Well... I needed someone to test my fun park and no one was available. So I heard you were doing favors for some quick cash and... well, that was my way of testing it.
Sunrise: You need to hide the book better.
Paradys: Blame Ghana. She can't figure out her way to hide things even being Magikal and all.
Sunrise: Of course not, she's good at Quidditch only, you should've known better.
Paradys: Well, did it look nice, at least?
Sunrise: Yeah... It did. If you want, I could test it later, but now I'll go get some rest. I'm surprised I still haven't got hurt in this episode yet.
Paradys: You shouldn't say that. Laser Guided Karma can suck.
Sunrise: Whatever, where's my money?
Paradys: I'll send it to your radio account later.
Sunrise: Fine by me, see you!

As the Sunrise left, still unbelieving that he somehow survived this episode intact and not tired at all, a roaming Free Repulics dropkicks Sunrise to collision with a table that was for whatever reason laying around.

Free Republics: Best for the business!
Sunrise: ...Fffff-

by **Astograth** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:11 pm

Gaskon Ugarte cleared his throat and inched closer to the microphones, placing both hands on the railing. He carried no script; the people would be his inspiration, he'd told his concerned aides. The balcony jutted out from the side of Castle Hill, facing out over a grand avenue that led to Central Square; this was the historical centre and axis of life in Rumiatzi. This stone balcony was the place from where the dukes of old reviewed their mustered soldiers and militia, and from where the Grand Dukes of today read their speeches on days of national importance.

Gaskon Ugarte was not a duke, nevermind the Grand Duke, but this was certainly a day of national importance. Lastur I had been cowardly assassinated that very morning - officially by a trio of Iturributan agents that had already been apprehended and were under questioning. Now it was critical that he won over the citizenry.

“People of Astograth!”

He paused for effect, and the crowd to quiet. Through the microphones on either side of him, his voice would reach every corner of the plaza and Astograth.

“Brothers and sisters. Sons and daughters of this blessed land. I am known to you as Gaskon Ugarte, Minister of the Interior and Chief Advisor to the Grand Duke - and I shall further serve you as Lord Protector of the Realm from today until His Majesty Gaxan the First comes of age.

But I do not speak to you now as Lord Protector! I address you in this time of crisis, people of Astograth, to ask you for your help! Yes! Your help! For I am only one among the people of this great country, and it will take all seventy-six millions of us to leave behind us this state of war!

'State of war?' I hear you ask! Indeed! In a state of war are we! We have been at war eighteen years, ever since we allowed insurgents and terrorists to seize the province of Iturributa. We had grown complacent - rich and prosperous - but fatally blind to this threat. In our complacency we allowed evil to spread its black tendrils over the most precious pearl the Modraine ever saw! In our complacency we grew weak, and were thus unable to defeat an enemy we outnumbered vastly. We allowed criminals to drive terror into our hearts, and a wedge of death between us and the people of Iturributa, who are our brothers and sisters!

Iturributa was founded by King Aitor the Magnificent; since the first stone was laid on its sunny shore it has been a part of the whole that is Astograth. Thus, eighteen years ago we allowed a limb - our left arm, with which we hold our mighty shield - to be severed from our body!

Astograthians! I am but one, but together we are MANY! We are seventy-six millions! Seventy-six thousands of thousands! It is our duty to together form the right arm with which we will drive a giant sword into the hearts of our enemies! A sword forged from the steel will of seventy-six millions! That is what we were in days of old, in the days of Berlasko! In the days of Otsoko! Of Aitor the Magnificent!

Brothers and sisters, the Black Chain of Gesterlake harkens to a thousand years ago, and it is my dream that one day we shall have formed it in the present with seventy-six million links! I am the Lord Protector, but I am only one. A worthless link of black iron, if you will.

But we? We are a CHAIN a thousand years STRONG! Linked together we are united! Linked together we are equal! Alone we are nothing, but linked together we are the mightiest force that Rushmore and the world has yet seen!

We will build an Army! And a Navy! And an Air Force! They will be the articles of war that will bring down the righteous wrath of Astograth upon all those who have slighted us! From the mere sight of the Astograthian spirit, our enemies shall cower and surrender! Our memory is long. What was taken shall be returned to its rightful place! Wrongs shall be righted, beginning with the swift justice that will be administered upon those responsible for the murder of our martyr Lastur I - and whose intellectual murderers we all know hide behind the walls of an illegal and tyrannical 'republic'!

To the sound of wheels and hammers, we will feed the fires of industry with the rotten refuse of our decaying present... and a new world will be born! ORDER and FREEDOM will be brought where there is now CHAOS and DESPAIR!

This is what I say to you, brothers and sisters of ASTOGRATH! I am only one, BUT TOGETHER WE ARE STRONG!”

With his hands to the night sky and a fierce expression, Gaskon Ugarte soaked in the applause. Thunderous applause that boomed into the ages.

A New Day is Dawning - Forward, Astograth

by **The greater Vakolicci Haven** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:17 pm

It was not going to. O'clane as he read the letters displayed on his desk.

Gregoryisgodistan had declared a genocide against any Vakolicci in its boarders. To make matters worse, 5 had actually been killed. The Vakolicci had to defend their own, and with the recent vote in the Havensschkorpal, President O'clane had the democratic mandate to do what he was currently doing.

Jens Schural sat at the controls of his VKL-919 heavy ground attack bomber, and felt the reassuring motions of a lot of Celari engineering lifting him up into the air. one of 60 of such bombers, their fighter escort of 90 Cl-120 air-superiority fighters would be, if it was thought correctly, enough to defend against whatever equipment the backward dictatorship could put against them.

Their actions were a warning only: but still, hundreds of bombs would reign down on Gregoryisgodistan's major cities.

by **Cassadaigua** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:22 pm

Random Observations,
by Jennifer McCray, Intern, Concord Heights Times

Rachel Sharper is feeling under the weather today, and I guess everyone was busy with other assignments so they asked me to cover the recent World Cup qualifying game against Nouvel Ecosse. What a fantastic opportunity! Unfortunately, I did not watch the game live, as I was not expecting to be covering it, and instead watched the NSCAA 6 tournament draw with my friends at UCH (University of Concord Heights). I am still a senior there, and the campus is buzzing about trying to repeat as college basketball champions. UCH drew a #9 seed though, and will be playing La Jolla College of Kinzar in the first round.

My boss Mrs. Sharper told me not to worry over not having watched the soccer game live, as the Concord Heights Times tries not to be about a standard match report. I guess that might have made my life easier, to fast forward to the points in the game where the goals were scored, and talk about them. It’s a good thing I didn’t do that, because I would have missed some of the great saves that Jennifer Phillips made in the first 20 minutes to keep it a scoreless draw. Jessica Runyon sat this one out, you will recall that she left the game against Maklohi Vai with cramping issues at halftime, and the trainers felt that she would not be 100% for this match, and coach Barrett gave the start to Kristen Cipriani. I thought the 28-year old fullback was caught off-guard by the level of play early, but she was able to get adjusted just fine. Nouvel Ecosse’s Darren McFadden look good early, but was a complete non-factor late in the game that surely fans of the Rampant Walrus wondered what the heck happened to him, much like a star running back in college who can’t seem to cut it in the pros. Instead, it was our Fillies (I gotta get used to that), who took the game over, and took a 1-0 lead late in the first half on a goal by Emily Petersen. The lead was doubled just eight minutes into the second half as Petersen this time picked up a nice assist for her work to set up goal scorer Stacey Matthews. Cassadaigua controlled the second half, but got an unlucky break in 86th minute, when a ball was misplayed in the back end, and Colin Di Nesbo intercepted a pass and had a clean run on goalkeeper Phillips, and finished with authority. Thankfully, we had a 2-0 lead at that point and coach Barrett can file this away as a “do not let that happen again” moment, instead of something that cost us a match. With the win, Cassadaigua is 4-1-0, tied with New Montreal States atop the group, and the two former World Baseball Classic champions have a four point lead over third. With the Fillies final two games of the first half at hone to Yveltal and away at Annar, the team is in a good position right now.

In Gregoryisgodistan, Head Soccer Coach Soccerlord McSoccerlord was fired for the teams poor play in a game against Taijan. I do not agree with the methods in which this nation uses to punish people and coaches for poor play. I don’t really understand why Lord Almighty Gregory needs to do this kind of stuff. What is the motivation for players and coaches to succeed for their nation, if they know that one bad game will result in not only being executed, but doing so in such a public manner? For me, if I had the sporting ability enough to represent the country, but knew that I could be beheaded in public or set ablaze while my whole family and friends watched, just because things did not go well, then I would choose the safer route and stay at home and worship Gregory in safety. There can not be a high morale within this team because of this, and I can’t ever see their national teams having success, if the players feel their lives are on the line with ever game. You cannot play a game in a nervous state of mind, because nerves create mistakes. Lord Almighty Gregory should try to become a more merciful leader, and if he has superhuman powers, to use them for good things once in a while.

The Paradystopi Department for the Advancement of Bonkers Behaviour and Horseradish Surveillance Technique Research Department is looking for new individuals to work for them, but I take it Sister Polus of Saintland is not willing to relocate. Alright, I’m sorry, that was bad!

by **Carialus** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:24 pm

The Secret War
Part 8

Vonsterdan, Deala-

Chief of Staff Fredward Gordon- The crouds around the Capital Building in Vonsterdan, Deala, has grown exponentially over the last few days. What started out as a meager picket line of pro-socialists and Carialite Nationalists has turned into a roaring croud numbering 50,000 +. As of yet, a big yet, no violence has broken out. However, since the massive crouds were blocking a few major roads, a couple of fatalities have occurred due to emergency personnel not being able to reach their destination. Because of these incidents related to the protests, the Deala government has no choice but to disband crouds by peaceful methods. If any protesters do not leave peacefully then they will be removed from the capital and permanently deported using any means necessary. Thank you, and obey this executive order.

*Gordon then waited patiently for an hour so the protesters had enough time to pack up and move out. Of course, only five thousand of the hardheaded croud had dicipated by that time. The hard way it was, then.

*Gordon motioned for the lines of riot police to move forward. They began to push back the croud with brute force, but then the croud began to fight back.

Gordon- Leave at once or face deportation! I repeat, leave at once or face deportation!

*The crowd wasn't budging. The riot police then began to use their riot clubs. The croud was once again losing ground and some of the less determined protesters were fleeing the scene. However, the mass that remained became increasingly violent.

Gordon- Leave now or face deportation! Leave now or face deportation!

*The mob began to fight back as protesters through stones and pieces of brick at the phalanx of riot police. The police responded by throwing in canisters of tear gas. Sadly, this only made the croud angrier. The mass then took whatever they could find, such as metal poles, and began combatting the police.

*The situation was getting increasingly dangerouse. Riot police were freely beating protesters and spraying pepper spray and tear gas into the rioting masses. The protesters responsed by throwing flares and firecrackers at the Police.

*Then a shot rang out and it all broke loose. The SWAT teams that had gathered around the area thought they were being fired upon and shot at the croud with their fully automatic rifles. Some of the members of the protesters then returned fire with concealed pistols.

*That's what got most of the croud running. Now there was a stampede to leave the area and people were being trampled underfoot. Horrifyingly, a few bombs went off in the croud that were made specifically as anti-personnel. At the time, it was not known if the mob had denoted the bombs or if the police had.

*After the bombs went off, the croud dispersed rapidly. What they left behind looked like a war scene. Wounded and dead littered the streets and sirens were wailing. This had definitely not gone as planned.

by **Vilita** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:48 pm

TROPICORP SET TO TEST NEW BALLS

It was a rather disappointing olympic performance for the tropicorp engineers. Sure there was a lot to take away from the performances, a lot of data to analyze, and of course, a lot of improvements to make.

But it just made it hurt all the more. They were right there. They were so close. Vilitan athletes who were supposed to compete using tropicorp equipment were winning gold medals. They just weren't using the tropicorp equipment.

It was certainly fitting of a bittersweet description. Their countrymen were winning gold medals, moreso in fact than any other nation. But they were doing so in other equipment. It was a lesson to the engineers at Tropicorp that they weren't going to change the world in a day, it was going to take time.

While one of the reasons Tropicorp itself was created was to remove the taxing industrial process of research, development and production of not-so-nature friendly things, Tropicorp itself did have a primary charter to research ways to take those very processes and make them more environmentally neutral.

It is perhaps in this arena that Tropicorp is most likely, if they should succeed, to have the greatest impact on the multiverse. However, until those breakthroughs come, they will sure maintain their sports themed side projects like designing a lighter, faster bobsled and cranking out trucks full of high performance racing tyres to be shipped all over the multiverse.

Tropicorp Tyres were used on the winning ride during the inaugural Nationstates Grand Prix championships and are now a fixture on the Hodori Motorsports circuit, as well as around local race tracks throughout Vilita, Turori and portions of Atlantian Oceania.

However, Tropicorp has yet to break in on Vilita's biggest sporting attraction: The Vilitan National Team. Tropicorp is certainly pushing Association Football as an avenue to familiarize themselves with the Vilitan public. For the first time in history, there is a competition to decide which teams will be accepted into the Vilitan League at the start of each new season - and Tropicorps name is all over it. The Tropicorp Lower Leagues even have a team based in Tropicorp - Tropicorp FC.

But the Vilita National Teams kits are still made by Vilitan firm 3WD. 3WD's relationship with the Vilita National Team is so ingrained in the culture, in fact, that they don't even waste space on the kits by putting their logo on them. Its just, the National Team kits.

There is an opening, however, for Tropicorp. The balls. Of course, international balls might be a different story, but they have to start somewhere, and it may take time for them to get the formula right. However, Tropicorp engineers have developed initial prototypes of a ball that is rounder and lighter than a traditional ball whilst still meeting the same quality and performance attributes desired by major international and domestic sporting associations.

It is believed that Tropicorp is going to begin offering its Prototype TCp-X1 Ball to Atlantian Oceania sporting associations at no cost for use in their domestic leagues or on the training ground, and expects to receive suitable feedback such that Tropicorp balls will be coming off the production line ahead of the World Cup 69 qualifiers.

Nations from outside of Atlantian Oceania may also be able to get their hand's on Tropicorp Balls but will likely be required to pay a fee and sign a technology exclusivity with Tropicorp.

While Tropicorp Officials have not formally announced this program, it is believed that more information will be revealed in the coming weeks.

by **Glaser** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:17 pm

Can we qualify? / Reill N'sauier

A steady performance by Glaser's starting eleven got them a good 4 nil against the weak Neuereland (that doesn't have a single point yet) and got them the deserved 1st place in the group. For now. First, let's talk about the game.

Match Review:

The first goal came to the dismay of some Glaserian fans (who went to catch a good spot in the line for the hot-dogs in the break) at the dying seconds of the first half. Redmeill shot from quite a long distance away to try and score before the ref's whistle, he hit the right post and the rebound came to Wur's foot and he nudged in the goal. All the first half Glaser played quite bad and without creativity to break the Neuereland bunker, except one great through ball which Redmeill passed to Wur but the striker's shot went above the bar. Neuereland nearly scored themselves with Hartmann blasting a shot from a corner rebound that unfortunately for him hit his teammate Eisen and didn't go in the target area.

The second goal came in the 56th minute after Dreschler tackled Ilvzern hard and got the yellow: Redmeill made it look like he was taking a shot but instead passed to the free M'nor who in front of goal didn't miss and set the scoreline on two zero. The third goal came in a Glaserian set position- M'nor elevated the ball in a cross to Brodro's head and in. The replay shows Brodro made a slight tackle on Kauffman while running to the ball, but the referee didn't see it.

The third net breacher was 20 minutes later, when Melirr passed Dreschler on the left flank and crossed inside the box. Adler went to the ball but slipped and actually let Redmeill receive the ball and direct it to the left of Freidrischen. The final fourth goal was in the 80th minute mark: M'nor fired a long pass to Wur after passing around with the defensive line, Wur tried to chip the long ball over the goalie but instead he hit Adler with the ball that eventually rolled into the net. Own goal for poor Adler.

This easy away match was an opportunity for Meliss to throw in all the youngsters and bench warmers he's got, and let them have minimum playing time. It was an easy match destined for Glaser to win. But so far the Dragons have passed the easy part of the tournament. The next three matches will decide the fate of the qualifiers, because these are hard clashes for Glaser with the group leaders.

The next match at home (fortunately) with the astounding Archregimancy which is seventh in the world can give four options, and plenty of consequences:

Glaser wins, fans riot: Glaser with the help of star Bronde'e Mur may but just may sting The Archregimancy at home, and maintain themselves as group leaders. This will bring Glaser to a total state of football hooliganism because of the joy of winning (joy that the Dragons of Gate 5 will unleash on public property of course). Glaser in this point can or: hazed by the win and lose the next two crucial matches against Chiata and the German American States, or take the reigns of the group and survive until the end in the first or second position.
Likeliness: 10%

Glaser ties, fans riot: Glaser with the help of a successful counter-attack or good defense manage to draw against the football giant. Glaser still is at the upper region of the group, but not at first place. This will bring momentarily happiness for the Red Dragons but this loss of points early on (when the big teams aren't at their best) won't get Glaser the World Cup ticket. Glaser can achieve medium results in the following matches, and end the campaign with result that will satisfy the fans.
Likeliness: 35%

Glaser loses, fans riot: Two things can happen in this option- or a minimal loss or an Archregimancy goal-fest. If Glaser gets dazed by a singular goal or a referee decision, Glaser won't be astounded by the following losses at Chiata and The German American States. This will need Meliss to get the media on his side to be picked for the team coach once again. A goal-fest will get the fans on Meliss' throat, and the media as well, something that will make him lose his job as a coach someday.
Likeliness: 54.99

The Archregimancy portal thingy fails, fans riot: This option does sound quite weird but the godforsaken Glaser citizens don't believe that this portal thing rumored to be how the way The Archregimancy goes to games really exists. If it fails, all the fans will riot and Glaser will likely be or given a technical 3-0 or be kicked from the competition.
Likeliness: 0.01%

Glaser's lineup for the next game.

by **Star United States** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:38 pm

Star United States

The World Cup 68 Qualifies

☆★ Still Surviving ★☆

Previous Editions: SUS Roster, First Victory, Check, Second Victory? Oh yeah!, First Tie? Okay., Rocking The Tournament

Star United States 1 – 1 The Inevitable Syndicate

The Golden Stadium (Golden City, Star United States) – Yesterday, The Inevitable Syndicate faced Star United States. There were only two goals made throughout the match, making the result of this game a tie.

The match started on minute 0, where The Inevitable started with the ball, since they were the guest in Star United States. They had most of the ball possesion during the first quarter. Nothing much happened during the first halp, exculding a couple of attempts on the goal from both side, but no goals were scored. There was no extra time added to the first time, therefore on minute 45, it ended.

During the second half, it seemed like all the players were hyped and ready, from both sides. Something had to happen in the locker room, maybe they got a raise, anyways they were ready. The whitsle was blown, and the last half of the game started.

On Minute 56, Star United States player Soarison did a quick pass to Stafford, who then kicked it back to Soarison, they did thos various times as they to the the goal net. Finally, Stafford passed the ball to Solo, a defender who was helping out, and he didn’t hesiate to kick the ball towards the goal. On Minute 58, GOALLLLLLL was the cry that was heard by the fans of Star United States in the Golden Stadium. (Star United States 1 – 0 The Inevitable Syndicate)

The match seems like it was gonna give Star United States three points, until this hope was los ton minute 87.

Minute 87 – Jacob Pratt, a forward of The Inevitable Syndicate, got the hold of the ball, and without taking a second thought about it, he kicked the ball.

Minute 88 – Spark, goalkeeper of Star United States, saw the ball the coming, and dived for it, but it slipped right under before he landed onto the ground. Score. At this moment, everyone stood shock, well on the Star United States side, because the rival team was cheering. Reports went silence, and the score board change, Star United States 1, The Inevitable Syndicate 1.

Minute 90 +2 – Beep. The whistle make the sound that ended the match. A tied match for both teams, who will be receiving one point each.

What’s the result?

“We needed the win to stay at first place of group 18…” said Luke Curtis, head coach of Star United States National Soccer Team. And as a matter of fact this is true, since Astrograth won over Carialus.

Day Five matches and updated standing are below:

Group 18
The Royal Barangay 4–0 New Mumford
Carialus 2–4 Astograth
Star United States 1–1 The Inevitable Syndicate
New South Aqmuland 5–1 Arititan

  Group 18                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Astograth                          5    4   0   1    15    6   +9    12
2 Star United States                 5    3   2   0    13    9   +4    11
3 New South Aqmuland                 5    3   1   1    14    9   +5    10
4 The Inevitable Syndicate           5    3   1   1     8    3   +5    10
5 The Royal Barangay                 5    2   1   2    10    9   +1     7
6 Carialus                           5    2   0   3     8    8    0     6
7 Arititan                           5    0   1   4     6   17  −11     1
8 New Mumford                        5    0   0   5     5   18  −13     0

How do the Rivals seem now?

Astrograth
This team is currently holding first place in Group 18, with 12 points. Star United States is in second place with 11 points.
Star United States hasn’t faced this team. Until tonight. Star United States will face the second highest ranked team in Group 18, in Astrograth. This result might be a little intereting, since Star United States tied with the highest ranked nation yesterday.

New South Aqmuland
It doesn’t seem like it’s this nation’s first cup, if our information isb’t mistaken. The nation is currently in third place fo the Group 18, trailing Star United States by one point. Last time Star United States faced this team, the match was tied. Therefore anything is possible for the next on April 3, 2014 in New South Aqumland.

The Inevitable Syndicate
Star United States just faced this team, and the match was a tie. Being the highest ranked nation in Group 18, a loss for Star United States was expect, but it was a tie instead. Does this team still pose a challenge to Star United States? Well, yes and no. Yes, because even though this game was tied, The Inevitable Synicate is a really high ranked team. Rank 10. They find themseleves 125 ranks higher than Star United States, whose current Rank is 135. No, because a nation ranked 135 was able to tie with a nation whose Rank is 10. Very surprising. Anyways, anything is possible in thie tournament.
This tea mis currently in fouth place with ten points.

The Royal Barangay
Currently holds fifth place in the group with seven points. Star United States has played this nation as a friendly, but hopes are still high. Is this nation a challenge? Possibly. This is because, so far, this nation hasn’t been doing as well as other experts had exepet it to do.

Carialus
Star United States had already faced this team, and they are a challenge, but as not as big as they used to be prior to the first match between these two nations. This nation will be visiting Star United States on the first of April, in Star United States.

Arititan
Star United States won against this team on the 27th of March, winning the the score of 2 – 4. This nation, just like Carialus, isn’t as big as a challenge like before. This nation will play Star United States again on April 4, 2014 in the Five-Point Stadium in Star United States.

New Mumford
This nation is a challenge, but not as big as other teams in Group 18 for Star United States. This team lost 1 – 2 to Star United States on March 25, 2014. These two teams will play again on the second of April in Star United States.

Today’s Match

Today, Star United States will face Astrograth, it’s the 1st place against the 2nd place match. Star United States will travel to this nation top lay against them for the sixth match day of the tournament. Star United States and this nation don’t have any pervious records. Possiblities are endless for this match, well not really: one team wins, one team loses, unless if they tie. Anything’s possibly! Best of luck to all teams playing today!

Editor’s Note

Attention readers! Due to the fact that Star United States’ offical national languages are English, Spanish, and Portuguese, some of our following editions may be bilinugal, or even trilingual! Thanks!

by **Menukten** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:40 pm

Fans today were concerned with the news that two more players on the national soccer team have fallen victim to a strange illness.

Midfielder John Fox and defender Timothy Silent Deer were found in their shared hotel room this morning pale, unconscious, barely breathing with little pulse and a high fever. The symptoms are similar to those expressed by Fat Bear, who was struck down a day earlier.

The mysterious illnesses are widely thought to be the work of rogue midfielder Albert Red Hand, who was ejected from the team for using witchcraft on a Kandorith goalkeeper and has since gone missing. Red Hand has a history of witchcraft and wooboo, which was his purported occupation before he took up soccer.

With two team captains falling ill two days in a row, the job, which is rumored to be cursed, now falls to defender Wilma Blue Throat. Joining her will be Menukten's two last subs, Phillip Black Cheeks and Rupert Red Eyes.

The illnesses mean that Menukten cannot afford any more players to be injured or fall sick, or they will not be able to field eleven players.

"We are very concerned for our convalescent teammates," says Blue Throat, "but we must try our best regardless. We must play in their honor and work our hardest to make sure their absence won't be a burden to the team, or themselves."

Blue Throat, along with the now invalid Fox, recently reorganized the squad to counter what is widely regarded as the loss of Fat Bear's spirit medicine during the game against Kandorith two days ago. The squad will now play in a 4-6-0 starting formation, hoping the lack of strikers will open up the opposing defense.

The new strategy did little to thwart Vaugania's 4-4-2, and the 73rd ranked squad swept Menukten 3-0.

"Well, we're stilling working the kinks out of our new strategy," says Blue Throat, "We'll learn from this game and come back stronger."

by **Eura** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:51 pm

EURA RESPOND TO CRITICISM WITH THUMPING WIN
Early chances of a shock snuffed out in Gloriax
Simon Banning reports

- Spartan congratulates team on "getting back on track"
- Sporadic has "full confidence" in Lyle Heath
- Licentian Isles break Nova's resistance while Guayabal win again
- Feeney to miss next game through injury; Churchilli comes in to replace him
- Sameba stun Boring Paradise as inexplicable progress continues

GLORIAX – 1
White 12

EURA – 4
King 20
Oslograd 46
Spartan 54
Churchilli 87

Eura returned to winning ways after consecutive World Cup qualifying draws which had left them frustrated and more importantly not top of the group.

Kelly Sporadic's team were convincing as they put five past the Licentian Isles in a roller coaster of a game in Bastion in the second round of matches, but since then underwhelming draws away to San Jose Guayabal and Nova Anglicana had taken the wind out of Eura's sails. Eura looked oddly bereft of confidence in front of goal as their grip on the group slipped a little. However there is a long way to go yet and Eura are now only behind third seeds Guayabal on goal difference after they thrashed Gloriax 4-1 away from home. Both the Licentian Isles and Guayabal won again, but Kelly Sporadic will be pleased with the manner in which his team took apart their lower seeded hosts this evening. Eura started with a slightly different formation as Ashtree was dropped for Ulsa midfielder Ryan King, who played behind the striker Oslograd and between wingers Sinclair and Adams. Gloriax lined up with a 4-3-1-2 that had served them relatively well so far in qualifying, winning two and drawing one of their four opening fixtures.

Eura were expected to come out of the gates like lions after some frustration in their previous two games, but surprisingly they started sluggishly in a rather dull opening ten minutes. Then, somewhat out of the blue, Gloriax turned their seemingly ineffective play down the middle into a superb goal. They overloaded Eura's midfield in a two minute period of pressure while Eura sat back and let their defenders be dragged out of position to support the midfield, before Nicholas White found a gap in the defence from 20 yards to plow through, taking a shot from just inside the box that Chris Waller stood little chance of saving. It was a very well worked goal, but from a Euran point of view their possession game had fallen apart and they had struggled to assert themselves, coming under pressure and eventually conceding. In an ice cold display of ruthless management, Sporadic immediately dragged off the out of form Lyle Heath (who had been partly responsible for the goal) and threw on Directus centreback Craig Gilbert in his place.

The top seeds reacted well to the goal though, which seemed to shake them out of their slumber. They went up the other end and almost scored straight away as Skorji Oslograd fired a shot just past the left hand post. In the 20th minute, only eight minutes after the goal, the Euran's equalised. Ryan King repaid the faith shown in him by his manager, drifting inside after taking the ball out to the left wing from Tim Curren's ball forward before curling the ball inside the near post, much to the annoyance of Gloriax keeper Matt Grey. It was King's first goal for his country. Eura dominated right up to half time and perhaps should've led at the break, but a swerving John Spartan free kick hit the bar rather than finding its way into the net. Another ruthless substitution was made at the break. The unusually ineffectual Mike Adams was hauled off this time, replaced by Falourr winger Toby Hayes who went onto the left, while Sinclair was shifted over to the right.

The substitution paid off straight away as Hayes swept a low ball into the box which the Gloriax defence could not deal with. Grey found himself giving his back line a lecture as soon as the ball had found its way past him thanks to the outstretched boot of Oslograd. Minutes later the game was killed off clinically by Eura. Nick Feeney created some space on the right to play in Sinclair, who then won a corner for Eura with some clever footwork to force a desperate tackle from Gloriax left back Ethan Black. Sinclair then whipped in the corner only for it to be headed straight back to him. Sinclair chested the ball down and launched an unexpected volleyed cross into the box, which John Spartan met with a well timed header to score. Feeney unfortunately injured himself in this build up play, having to go off while the corner was taken. He is expected to miss the next qualifier, and was promptly replaced by the young and very talented wingback Weylon Churchilli. Churchilli almost made an instant impact, firing a low shot wide a few minutes after coming on with his first touch.

Eura fashioned many more chances but failed to score again, until Churchilli popped up to claim his third goal for Eura. He utilised his extreme pace to sprint to the back post from his position on the right after he had came into the box with Craig Sinclair on the ball on the right flank. Sinclair crossed the ball to the far post where Churchilli had got there before any other player, allowing the Spartangrad wingback to head past Grey with ease. It was a classic example of shoddy defending where a back line had been allowed to drift over to one side of the pitch without watching for unmarked players on the other. Not that Eura cared, of course. They had recorded a pretty convincing win to get back on track after a tough couple of games. John Spartan praised the energy the team displayed in their comeback, while Kelly Sporadic congratulated the squad players who performed well on the day - King, Churchilli and Hayes.

However his press conference was dominated by two topics Sporadic felt uncomfortable about; Lyle Heath's defensive qualities and Nick Feeney's knees. When asked about whether or not his early substitution of Heath was a sign that he had lost faith in the player, he was cautious. "Lyle is a very important member of the team. He wasn't 100% fit today and it was my fault that I didn't say to him, you know, you should let yourself rest this one out. I needed to make an attacking tactical change too as we had gone behind early and couldn't afford to not win again." Asked as to how bringing on a like for like player (centreback Craig Gilbert) was an attacking tactical move, Kelly was refreshingly honest about his opinion of the Euran media as usual. "Craig might be a defender but hes a different kind of defender to Lyle. He's a bit more suited to an attacking set up. Football is more nuanced than 'this bloke plays in this spot and this one in this one', there's different kinds of players in each position that are available to you. Not that you lot would consider that as critical thought seems to be one of your weaker points."

On Feeney, Sporadic was a bit more grave in his tone. "Nick is, in my opinion and I think the opinion of a lot of others, the best right back in the world. But he isn't quite so young anymore and the injury today looked painful. It won't keep him out for too long, one international game we reckon, but it has reoccurred a few times now. That said we are confident he will be back to full fitness soon and if not we have plenty of quality to call on in Weylon and Gareth." The victory relieves the pressure on Eura but the group is still tighter than many of us would've liked it to be. Up next is sixth seed The Holy Forden Church, who will be traveling to Bastion with only one win in their last five. Despite Eura not being top of the group, one might argue that a difficult start has been seen out. The Licentian Isles have already been beaten at home while defeat was avoided in a tricky away tie in San Jose Guayabal. Only the Nova Anglicana draw, a goalless shutout at home, will have been particularly disappointing so far.

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by **Armakistan** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:58 pm

Draw with Kinitaria leaves Armakistan still in the hunt for 2nd

Nick Kelly's 13th minute goal was cancelled out by a fine second half strike from Navra Kulisev which sent the passionate travelling fans, who had ignored travel advice, crazy. The game started out with both teams flying into it. Kinitaria made sure they made an impact, none more so than Ciprian Marin who made sure 18 year old youngster Edward Appleby would not forgot him in a hurry by dragging his studs down the left midfielders calf. The referee seemed to miss this fact and only booked the 35 year old. Appleby recovered after some treatment and took his revenge by turning the defender inside out on a mazy run into the box where he linked up with Kelly who scored the first goal of the game with a snap shot out of reach from the goalie who tried his best to get down low to the ball. The keeper was however able to keep out Bobby Bell's shot from distance after he was set up by his brother Freddy Bell and then a glancing header from Bucklebury after a cross from James Darling perfectly picked him out in the box.

Kinitaria did also offer attacking promise as they made Daniels work on a couple of occasions and even caused a dramatic goal line scramble which was stopped after a good save from the keeper, a great block on the line by Mickleson and an equally good block by the post. The two teams went into the half even in most aspects except the score and the second half could go either way.

The opposition team appeared to be the strongest after the break, however Armakistan managed to strike the post after Darling cut inside and hit a curling shot against the right peg. However in the 68th minute Armakistan's chances of pulling off a shock win against one of the groups favorites for qualification were dashed as Navra Kulisev fierce strike into the path of many bodies found its way through and nestled in the back of the net. The game ended without further incident and no on field protest from fans meant that the two well matched teams could now concentrate on their next matches even though they both missed out on 3 crucial points. Armakistan will feel the most annoyed as they would liked to pick up maximum points before their big game against group leaders Northern Sunrise Islands where they will play at Union Stadium a place they are undefeated having won the BoF 3rd place playoff game their only a few months ago. Admittedly it was against different opponents as NSI were hosts but the Armakistan team will take any chances as they look to play their toughest team yet.

by **Svengarda** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 3:04 pm

Eremeni stood, mouth open, aghast.

"Ya..you..crnnn...grttf" Eremeni tried to piece together a coherent sentence but his brain was too stunned to put some words out. Instead Eremeni continued to splutter for another five seconds until he was cut off by the duck.

"Hi"

"....who, what even are you?" Eremeni replied, still very confused.

"Well, it appears I'm a rubber bath duck. Except now I can move, and speak. That's certainly a new occurrence. I've spent the last 6 years sitting by the side of your bath, and well, here we are now. So, breakfast?"

In one swift, if bumbling, movement, Eremeni picked up the duck (much to its displeasure), opened the window and hurled it into the small back garden, which was covered by a few inches of snow already. The duck landed with a soft 'whoosh' into the powder and Eremeni high-tailed it out of the bathroom, past his elder sister carrying a mug of tea and back into his bedroom.

"14, that's a bit young to be going crazy" he said to himself whilst he dressed, before rushing downstairs to his angry mother and waiting breakfast. He blocked out his mothers complaints about his condition whilst putting away the cereal and toast at breakneck speed. He was then out the door, bag in hand, and off down to the bus stop. The bus which took him into the city centre, and to school, arrived shortly afterwards and he took his seat in the regular place: the single seat, so as nobody could disrupt him, even if he was doing nothing.

Half-way through the journey, he took his bag to search for a book he needed for the day ahead, but upon unzipping the bag, he was greeted by two black dots.

And the yellow bath duck surrounding them.

"F***"

by **Mytannion** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 3:36 pm

Tikhon Voronin didn't know exactly why he was branded a 'dirty player'. He was aggressive sure, he always had been, but he wasn't exactly 'dirty'. That insinuated that he aimed to break the rules or something like that and that certainly wasn't what he tried to do. He tried to win the ball and he tried to win it fairly and if it meant he went in hard, he went in hard. His tackling technique was actually quite good, it's just that he did go in to make sure that the player who was on the receiving end had something to remember him by. Had something that may make them believe they can't play the game with the same grit and determination, they'd be thinking about the crunching challenge and perhaps not be the same creative player that they were before it, or the same goalscoring forward, or whatever. Aggressive tackles can change everything in a game, it can put top footballers off their game and that is a massive bonus to a team struggling. Voronin could remember multiple times when sides he had been playing in had been saved from another team's star man by one of his crunching tackles and the tide of the game had changed because that player couldn't play his normal game, he was scared of Voronin coming in like that again.

He had gained a rather unfair reputation for it, the media had demonised some of his performances and he had always felt that that was something that was wholly unfair. There were lots of tough tackling midfielders, he didn't understand why he was picked out in particular. Maybe it was his attitude off the ball, he was often aggressive towards the opposition and one of the first people to get into a scrap if there ever was one on the field. If that was the main point then it was something he could understand a little more, he didn't really know why he got involved in the pushing and shoving on the field but it all happened quickly and that was exactly it, it just sort of, well, happened. It was over in a flash and Voronin never really had full control of himself when it did, he almost forgot himself as it went on. He did have to admit that he lost control sometimes and that was a little disappointing due to the problems it generated.

When he was younger he was simply better than the rest, a player who could tackle, run, score. He could dominate games with consummate ease, but that's usually the classic case when a young footballer is better than the rest. But when he got scouted and joined an academy, it all changed, it became harder and Voronin had to adapt his game to be as good. He felt that that was when it all changed, he became a more aggressive player and gradually gained a reputation for being a tough tackler. When you were playing his team it wasn't the team that you were playing, but it was that team with Voronin. That team with the guy who tackled harder than anyone you had faced before. When players started to find it hard to play against him, that was when he realised he had something a bit special and it took him a while to realise what it was. He wasn't the smartest player, that was true and he wasn't the smartest person either, but eventually he worked out that it had something to do with his ability to tackle hard and put players off running at him, trying to get past him.

That same thing carried through to his professional career and when playing for Liria Prizren he found that players at fellow Top League sides almost feared facing him, they didn't want to run at him and suffer an injury. Sure, it may not be directly from the tackle itself, but even the best tackles can sometimes have a bit of a follow through and that could result in an injury which could leave them out for a fair amount of time. Voronin knew that he could use it to put players off and that was when he started using verbal comments to get at players. He promised them that he would leave a mark, perhaps accompanied with a little shove and then they knew he might be gunning for them. It meant that he was in their head and it meant that they might not be inclined to play how they normally do and even that small mental victory could mean that his side won win.

That was the key behind it all. Voronin knew that his aggression could offer his team a bonus that not even the most talented dribblers or goalscorers could, it meant that opposition players may not play as well, quite simply. They might be scared, fearing an injury and that was enough for Voronin to never change his playing style, even if it may result in a whole lot of yellow and red cards. He didn't have long left in his career now, particularly with the national side and that had perhaps made him more cynical as his pace gradually waned. He tackled harder more often, but he also became better at disguising it. Little clips of the ankles here, a follow through with a rake of the studs down a leg there. It might result in a talking to because it was slightly reckless, but as long as the damaging bit was concealed, masked, the referee wouldn't resort to a stronger course of action.

Voronin would never change.

by **Darmen** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 3:49 pm

Darmen struggles, Barunia pulls away from rest of Group 7

Darmen lost to Barunia in their second match of qualifying for World Cup 68. The match, which was their first one on the road this cycle, ended with the All Greens down by two, 1-3. Tor Tong Lee scored the only goal of the match, saving Darmen from being held scoreless and avoiding a massive embarrassment. Manager William von Kriesler was upset with the back three of Adan, Vue and Rydzik, who had failed to step up when the Barunian's did get past Nur al Din Lambert. So upset in fact, that for the next match against Stadavrik, von Kriesler changed the entire defensive lineup, with Goodwin, Sinapati and Findley taking to the field.

But they let Stadavrik score within two minutes of the start of that match at the Borg El Beat. So in went Garza and Flemer, with Sinapati being the lone survivor of the indecision by the new manager. Darmen would go on to win the game, 4-1, with Luca Cormio and Gene Turko both scoring two goals.

So when Darmen took to the pitch for a very important match against Gyatso-kai, It was Garza, Sinapati and Flemer forming the back three. But the Gyatso-kai scored first, so back in went Adan and Rydzik, and Darmen could now claim to have used five different defensive lineups. Darmen would once again come back against Gyatso-kai, as Tor Tong Lee, Bryan Faulkner and substitute Josimar Son would all tally.

After four matches, Darmen was second in the group, with a 3-0-1 record. That placing and record were probably the only thing saving von Kriesler from being fired, and eventually word came down from Darmeni Soccer Federation President, and former All Greens manager himself, Timothy O'Donahaue, to "just pick one and stick to it like a stamp!"

That strategy seemed to work quite well in Darmen's latest match against the Cyrstal Empire, as the opposing ponies were held scoreless by Adan, Sinapati and Rydzik. Which would have been more than fine with any All Green fan, player or coach, had the Darmeni offense managed to put at least one goal past Amberlocks. They didn't, and with the match ending in a scoreless draw, Darmen fell five points behind group leaders Barunia.

Darmen still has nine matches remaining, including matches against Nexxus Drako and The Cabindan Free State before the mid-qualifying break and a friendly with Zenic, so the five point gap is nothing to get too worried about just yet. However, Barunia looks unstoppable, and only Darmen and Gyatso-kai look like challengers, so Darmen may be in need of a miracle.

Mitchell Hellewege was on a mission. No, not one of those exciting missions to kill someone of spy on someone. A rather boring mission to get a name out of someone by saying, "please" like a polite gentlemen.

Mitchell flattened himself against the wall as a Polo game passed him by on the main floor of the Ministry of Sport building. He then proceeded into the elevator, where he was met by an archer. The archer's bow was ready to fire, but luckily, there was no target and Mitchell was safe from...

The elevator's door opened and the archer shot at the target set up across the hallway. Mitchell almost found himself being shot in the head, but ducked just in time to avoid ruining the archers chance at a bulls-eye. With his heart pounding, both Mitchell and the Archer proceeded down the hallway, before Mitchell went left and the Archer right, the Archer firing off another shot.

Mitchell finally arrived at the place he needed to be.

The Right Honorable Georges Thomas
Member of Parliament for Scott City East
Minister of Sport

Mitchell placed his hand on the door, opening it. He was met with a golf ball that smashed into his head, knocking him out. When he came too, he babbled out a few words, "I watch football for the pretty colors."

Thomas looked at the young man quite puzzled. "You touch yourself with pickled flowers?"

"No, that's not what I said..."

"Well whatever, what do you want? What'd you come here for?" ordered Thomas.

"Um, I'm not quite sure, I can't seem to remember."

"Sorry about that, I have a nasty slice," apologized Thomas.

"I think I remember now, the Prime Minister wants to know who you're nominating for the World Cup Seeding Committee."

"Ah, of course. Myself, I'm nominating myself," replied Thomas.

"You can do that?"

"Well for starters, I'm a Minister of His Majesty's Government, so I can do whatever hell I want. And since I'm no longer a coach, I meet the requirement of the Committee. And since I didn't go to the Draw for Qualification and getting drunk and yelling 'OBJECTION' so I'm going to use this as my chance to do that."

"Right then, I'll let him now."

Thomas added as Mitchell left his office while rubbing his head, "And tell him that there's nothing he can do to change my mind."

Last.fm · by **Cosumar** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 4:24 pm

The Cosumarite Courier
Cosumar's #1 Sports News Source

DRAGONS REMAIN UNDEFEATED ATOP GROUP THANKS TO HIGH-OCTANE OFFENSE

RAMUSOK, COSUMAR - After blowing a 4-1 lead in the second half at Paradisian North Park, the Dragons conceded a draw in what seemed like a certain win against rival Boring Paradise. Manager Farris Crowley was far from easy on his team after this complete defensive meltdown.

"It's inexcusable, it really is. Never in my fifteen World Cups have I seen such flat-out lazy defense late in a match from a team wearing the Cosumar uniform," Crowley said. "There was no energy, no urgency. I am baffled that a veteran team like ours failed to understand that no lead is ever safe, especially against a team as good as Boring Paradise that has given us trouble in the past. We have been doing a fine job scoring goals, but if this disgusting complacency on defense continues, I will not hesitate to make personnel changes."

Crowley was right to criticize his team for their Matchday 5 performance, but coming out of higher-ranked Boring Paradise's home field with any points at all could be seen as a victory from a more objective point-of-view. A few weeks ago, any Cosumarite would've told you that forcing a draw on the road at Boring Paradise would be a satisfactory result. Even after that disheartening draw in stoppage time, the Dragons remained the leaders of Group 8. The question became not "How did this happen?" but rather "How will the team respond to this?".

That question was answered thoroughly against The Andromeda Islands in Matchday 6. It seems that the Dragons heard Crowley's message loud-and-clear.

To the home crowd at Leviathan Arena's delight, the Dragons burst out of the gate angry and determined from the start. Angry at themselves for their lapse in concentration against Boring Paradise and determined to take it out on unranked Group 8 bottom-feeders The Andromeda Islands. The Cosumarite offense continued to roll on all cylinders, piling up five goals en route to a convincing 5-2 win.

Ten minutes into the game the Dragons already found themselves with a 2-0 lead. In the 4th minute, Sur Arora got behind the entire Andromeda defense and easily slipped the ball past the goalkeeper after a perfectly-placed lob pass from Abel Scarloff. Six minutes later, Addam Andsman-Savage was tackled from behind by an Andromeda defender, who was given a yellow card. Andsman-Savage's free kick was a beautifully curved and blisteringly-fast ball to the top-right corner that the goalkeeper had no chance at deflecting.

Meanwhile, the Cosumarite defense put on its best display since its Matchday 1 shutout of Usjekhipstahf. Despite The Andromeda Islands' two opportunistic goals, they had virtually no good looks at the goal for the rest of the game. Alexander Pearce's unit was absolutely smothering - the most aggressive we've seen. If they can keep up this intensity and the offense continues to produce goals at a breakneck pace, Cosumar will be tough to stop.

Up 3-1 at halftime, the Dragons did not look back. There would be no second-half meltdown this time, they made sure of it. Though things became a bit uneasy for the home crowd after The Andromeda Islands closed the gap to 3-2, reserve forward Corey Simmons quickly put their fears to rest with a spectacular header that found the back of the net off of a corner kick. Sur Arora put the nail in the coffin with an easy goal in the 79th minute after he made the goalkeeper slip with a nasty feint.

Cosumar - 5
Scorer: Arora (4), Andsman-Savage (10), Scarloff (38), Simmons (63), Arora (79)
The Andromeda Islands - 2
Scorer: Unknown Forward (28), Unknown Forward (55)

Farris Crowley's revitalized Dragons squad now sits atop Group 8 with 13 points, though Farfadillis and Sameba are close behind with 12 points. The Dragons' unexpected success so far can be attributed to the high-octane offense. 21 goals through five games is a Cosumarite record, and is the third-most of any team in the World Cup.

Elsewhere in Group 8, Sameba knocked off Boring Paradise to continue the Paradisians rough start. The Paradisians now sit in 5th and desperately need a win over Catholican Catholica tomorrow to get them back on track. Usjekhipstahf kept Alsacie winless with a 3-1 victory, staying within reach of catching up to Farfadillis and Sameba should their winning streak continue. In fact, Usjekhipstahf and Farfadillis will meet in Matchday 6. Luciano Spalletti's squad has been hot of late and if they can pull off the upset they should surpass the #9-ranked favorites in the table.

In Matchday 6, the Dragons (4-1-0) will be pitted against surprise contender Sameba (4-0-1) in a match that will help shape the top of the Group 8 standings. These two WC68 upstarts will likely be battling for position down the stretch, so any upper-hand gained at this junction will be crucial. A win could solidify Cosumar's position at the top of the group while a loss could send them tumbling to a precarious 3rd place.

This match will be a classic case of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Cosumar has lit up opposing defenses (averaging over 4 goals per game) whereas Sameba's stout defense has held opponents to only 9 goals through 5 games. The Dragons' forwards must step up and aggressively challenge Dario Ragili and the rest of the Sameban defenders. If they can score 5 against the Farfadillis back line, I am confident they can do the same to relatively unproven #111 Sameba. The Cosmarite Courier predicts a hard-fought 3-2 victory for the Dragons.

For a report of the Cosumar-Sameba match and a preview of Matchday 7's meeting with Catholican Catholica, check out tomorrow's edition of The Cosumarite Courier. Thank You for reading,

Brock Denver
Staff Writer

Cosumar's World Cup 68 Journey
Matchday 1: Cosumar 3-0 Usjekhipstahf
Matchday 2: Alsacie 2-4 Cosumar
Matchday 3: Cosumar 5-3 Farfadillis
Matchday 4: Boring Paradise 4-4 Cosumar
Matchday 5: Cosumar 5-2 The Andromeda Islands
Matchday 6: Cosumar vs Sameba (Home)
Matchday 7: Catholican Catholica vs. Cosumar (Away)
Matchday 8: Usjekhipstahf vs. Cosumar (Away)
Matchday 9: Cosumar vs. Alsacie (Home)
Matchday 10: Farfadillis vs. Cosumar (Away)
Matchday 11: Cosumar vs. Boring Paradise (Home)
Matchday 12: The Andromeda Islands vs. Cosumar (Away)
Matchday 13: Sameba vs. Cosumar (Away)
Matchday 14: Cosumar vs. Catholican Catholica (Home)

Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

Cosumar's Goal-Scorers Tally (21)
Sur Arora: 5 goals
Addam Andsman-Savage: 5 goals
Francois Renault: 4 goals
Ejegefe Na'Safeh: 2 goals
Paaron Petrov: 1 goal
Thomas Teverridge: 1 goal
Tae Woo Miyori: 1 goal
Abel Scarloff: 1 goal
Corey Simmons: 1 goal

by **Felix** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 4:39 pm

A retired Mikel Araboa enjoys his afternoon tea in a unknown country in a unknown region. He was drinking some of his tea when he feels a little rumble, he puts the glass down and gets up. He then walks around making sure that his possessions didn't fall to the floor, they didn't. He shrugs and sits back down, "Just another rumble, nothing too surprising, after all, this is a earthquake prone nation." he says to himself.

He then turns on the tv where his favourite program was interrupted for a breaking news report, at first he thought nothing of it but he then heard the anchor say this, "Reports are coming in that the region of Esportiva is gone, we can't conform what's going on there but all radio, satellite, phone and GPS communication has ceased. Fears are rising that billions of people might have perished..." Mikel's jaw drops. And the anchor continues, "Oh, oh my... Breaking news.... The region of Rushmore is gone too... And wait, we have satellite footage?" The screen then transitions to the said footage. It shows the whole region crumbling rapidly, nothing seemed to stand the horrible destruction...

Mikel ran towards the phone, he was going to call Sebastian Krister who was retired as well and living in Vettrera. He heard the ring and heard his friend pick up the phone, "Hello?" The voice seemed panicked. Mikel asked, "What is going on? Are you ok?" Sebastian responded, "No man! I am not ok! My family and I are packing our things, we have been feeling some strong earthquakes in Vettrera and apparently this country isn't the only one, it seems like the whole region is..." There was a pause and Mikel said, "Is what?" He hears Sebastian say this, "Oh god... Run!" The line went dead and Mikel was in a state of shock." He felt another rumble.

Mikel wakes up, his heart is beating quickly from the weird dream he just experienced. He then looks at the time, 3:05 AM. He looks at his surroundings, "What the hell?" He asked to himself while looking. His wife, Patricia Araboa woke up and then sits up, "What's wrong?" She asks. Mikel looks at the clock in their master bedroom before he responds, "I-I, don't know... I just had the weirdest dream... It was, terrible." He gets his notepad from the bedside table out and writes down what he can remember. Since it has been awake for less than five minutes he can remember most of his dream with accurate detail. His wife hugs him but then goes to sleep. Mikel though doesn't, he was rattled by the dream.

---

Yun Dong Lee's Report On The Charruterra/Felix Match

Football, it's not just a game, it's a battle, a 90 minute battle where the players are the solders and a whole nation clings their hopes on that 90 minute match. This game between Felix and Charruterra was no exception to that fact. The game between the two national sides was a battle and even though 27 year old Simo Roni wasn't the captain of the team, he was certainly a leader that motivated the team and organized the attacks that lead to goals. He was truly, the man of the match and had it not been for him Felix could've had two games in a row where they got the L rather than the W.

The match didn't start well though, Charruterra started off better than the Felixians and it showed when they had that quick goal in the 3rd minute when Monsió Darmafá received the nice pass from Canamazán Fajú that completely caught the Felixian side offguard and left Darmafá all by himself. It was easy for him as he simply flicked the ball over the diving Matías Ciriaco. Charruterra had the big 1-0 lead. But things didn't stop there Charruterra once again got the better of the Felixian defense and once again Monsió Darmafá scored. This time it was a free kick header that did for the Felixians after a questionable foul made by Aloysius Blau. he got a yellow card by the way.

But anyways, the Charruterrana forward scored his second goal in the 14th minute and Felix, 53rd in the world was down 2-0. It was nearing halftime and it looked bad, really bad but in the 43rd there was a glimmer of hope for the Felixian team that was being outplayed in every meaning of the word as Simo Roni made his qualifying debut goal. He got the nice pass by Sebastian Krister and buried the shot from inside the box. It gave the Felixian fans something to cheer and anticipate for halftime. 2-1, Felix is still behind.

A second half comeback loomed for the Felixian side and that comeback was underway with a goal from Gabriel Jenaro in the 47th minute off the back heel pass by Simo Roni, Jenaro got the ball and soon shot the ball on the top right corner, the poor goalkeeper, Júrja Mahí had no chance in blocking the shot. The comeback finally ended with Felix getting the lead with a goal coming in the 55th minute from a shot by Simo Roni, the man got his second goal and started to catch the attention from every Felixian fan.

And the game continued, Felix wanted to finish off any hopes for the Charruterranas making their own comeback, firstly they switched off Jon Vilmar for Josh Smith and then the switched off a struggling Andres de Colorado for Nickolaus Dürr. The team then went from a passive creature with doubts in their own skill (despite the fact they just got the lead) to a team confident with everything, Simo Roni helped fuel that confidence. The last goal in the match came in the 74th minute when Simo Roni made a cross the pitch pass to Dürr and Dürr passed the ball to a wide open Sebastian Krister who correctly timed his run against the Charruterrana line.

He was by himself, 1 v 1 and it looked like he was going to win the battle. He did, the fantastic chip over the goalkeeper's head seem to gas out the Charruterrana team and Felix had their 2-4 lead. They finalized their comeback. Felix had to shutdown some flare-ups caused by Charruterra but it was easily shutdown by the resurgent Felixian defense. Felix won the match at the end of the day and Felix now had the Group in their hands, Apox drew against a determined Yttribrian side, great news for The Phoenix. We then have to face those guys next, I hope we can win.

---

World Cup 68 Qualifiers: Things Are Looking Up Here Esportiva?
By: Steven Smith

Esportiva is a region that is usually underestimated by anyone living in Rushmore or Atlantian Oceania. And why wouldn't they think that? I mean, we usually have two or three nations making it out of the qualifying stage and they usually finish up at the Group Stage (with the exception of Apox who finished in the Round of 16, the region's best finish). But oh how times are going to change, no longer are we going to be the weakest sporting region, no, we are going to rise up just like how our national animal does (our animal is the Phoenix by the way) and we are going to prove the multiverse wrong.

Yes, we are going to send a 6 representatives to the greatest tournament of them all. 6? You might be asking (the other question could be what am I smoking). Why 6? Because I see 6 teams that can make it to the World Cup Final, they have the talent and they have the mentality for them to be a World Cup team. Who are the 6 might be your next question (again, the other question could be what am I smoking and you should stop asking, I am not high, I swear). The 6 are New Sideburn, Northern Sunrise Islands, Apox, Paradystopia, The Licentian Isles, and, us, Felix.

But my listing isn't done yet, no, far from it. I even have a list of teams that are good and will make it to the playoffs but will not qualify. Here it is, Buyan, The Royal Barangay, San Jose Guayabal, Yttribia, Chiata, German American States and Boring Paradise. So let me explain my thinking, alright?

Teams that will qualify-

New Sideburn: Currently sitting in second place with 12 points. Their only loss came from group leaders Valladares and while they don't have an attractive football style (instead prefer the nitty gritty style of play) they still haven't lost against the minor teams. That is a great sign that they haven't crumbled to the seemingly resurgent minnows around the multiverse (unlike most favourites here). But they need to win the next leg against Valladares to show that they are indeed the team to have a WC spot. And something tells me they will win and will prove they are WC team.

Northern Sunrise Islands: They have been dominating Group 19 and as a result they are in first with 15 points, 5 more than the nearest competitor who is also Esportivan (surprisingly). Anyways, they have been a huge power and beat the first seeded team comfortably, 2-5. That goes to show that this team is one to be watched for. They are a lock in for the World Cup if they continue play like this and I hope they do make it. Can't really hate a Pokémon filled nation.

Apox: Ah, that team from that group we might share. Currently 2nd (behind us truly) and is 19th in the world. Remember that ranking when they finish this group in second and easily get by the tough two game playoff they would have to face. They are a talented team with a good array of players, my only problem is that they lost their top goalgetter, he is out for the rest of the qualifiers. Not sure how this team is going to make it but they can (despite that 0-0 draw against Yttribia).

Paradystopia: This has to qualify, I mean they have been trying for years now right? At this point the EWCC and the WCC should just give to them! But alas, it wouldn't be fair for the rest of the 180+ national sides competing. Still this team is sitting pretty at 2nd with 12 points their only loss coming to The Holy Empire. Like New Sideburn, this team needs to win or draw against The Holy Empire to prove that they are indeed a World Cup qualifying contender. I think they can do that.

The Licentian Isles: I personally don't like that country but you can't deny the team is good. Despite their 3rd place placing I expect them to finish second and I know this team has the skill set to make it through that two leg playoff thing. I just hope they don't mess up, they already had as of late...

Felix: We are currently in first place and we might stay that way should we win against Yttribia. But lets look at the facts, we drew against Apox at their home nonetheless! But we also lost against Milchama... Add that up it looks like our fate is still undetermined. If we can win in return legs against Apox and Milchama we will get a clear, a very clear picture if we can make it to the final. But I still put this team on the list because I believe we can make it to the final because we have the potential to do so.

Teams that will make it to the playoffs but not qualify-

Buyan: This is totally surprising, but in a good way. They are 1st in Group 1 and they just came off the big victory Jeru FC. But do I see them qualify? No, but I could be wrong. This team is in a very thin line between qualifying and not qualifying there is no doubt they have the talent but it all depends if they have the will to make it. Right now? They do, but what if they lose a game? Will they still have the will? Maybe, maybe.

The Royal Barangay: Our rivals haven't been doing well as of late so I don't give them that much of chance to make it out of the qualifying stage. But they will get that third place spot, that's for sure. Right now they seem under motivated, I hope things like that could change, they need to but I expect them to. They may be rivals but I wish the best for them.

San Jose Guayabal: They are first in a group that contains those Licenians and Eurans. Wow. So like Buyan I expect them to clearly make it through to the playoff stage? Do they win, do they lose? I don't know, they are in that fine line. But I am going to predict that they don't make it, but I can be proven wrong. I hope so.

Yttribia: Cult followers, eh? Yeah, I give them a chance, we face them next so the next game will be crucial if they can cross that "we got the playoff spot and that's it" to the "IN THE WORLD CUP FINALS BABY!". I predicting a close loss and that will prove my point that this team isn't ready for the World Cup, yet. I expect them to qualify next World Cup. They have the talent after all.

Chiata: This is the third team that is on that fine line bullcrap I have been talking about. They are good as they are second in Group 20. They are tied with the team above in terms of points but they are behind in goal difference. I expect them to take their second place spot and try and go and win their playoff games. Again, I am not 100% sure if they can make it to the final, it is a tough call.

German American States: They are in 3rd. In the same group as Chiata is. Tough call, as per usual. Talented? Yes. Rivals? Hell yes. Do I like them? Eeeeehhh. Fine line here, blah, blah, blah. Tough to determine.

Boring Paradise: Look at the German American States. Not willing to mention them.

Next up is Yttribia, I hope we win. I really do.

In other news...

>> Nationalist Party adds repealing gay marriage to their platform.
>> 45% of Felixians don't like the WA.
>> President Tamara Van Der Ven to visit rural areas in Felix.

(OOC: Nothing personal folks, just RPing.

)

by **Schiavonia** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 4:43 pm

Jenny: "One-nil to Brenecia as we reach the last five minutes. Your bet is still on, Kev."

Kev: "Yes, but I'm Schiavone through and through! I don't know who I should be shouting for!"

Jenny: "Schiavonia, silly! But this is end-to-end stuff! Schiavonia are currently pushing forward, the shot coming in from Bell... straight at Connell, though."

Kev: "I'm split! Come on both teams!"

Jenny: "You know, you'd never have had this problem in Schiavonia's early days."

Kev: "Why so?"

Jenny: "Well, put simply, because nobody knew about us."

Kev: "Why not?"

Jenny: "Because we had no contact with outsiders throughout."

Kev: "Why not?"

Jenny: "Because outsiders had not found Schiavonia, and Schiavonia had not found out about anywhere else."

Kev: "But how come?"

Jenny: "Because we hadn't discovered how to build a boat properly."

Kev: "Ah. But how come they hadn't found us?"

Jenny: "I dunno. Sometimes it just takes a while for places to find other places. Although Bryson almost found a place in the back of the net for the ball there. Just wide."

Kev: "Almost time to cash in! So what happened in that period, then?"

Jenny: "Well, Schiavonia became a much larger version of the society we know it as today."

Kev: "Wow! I imagine it must have been a wonderful place."

Jenny: "On the whole, it was. Though we didn't have football. So the islands, instead of battling with each other by the sword, did battle in other ways."

Kev: "They had swords?"

Jenny: "Well, pointy sticks. They didn't have swords. They just kind of bashed and jabbed each other with long pieces of wood. But then they stopped that."

Kev: "So what did they do?"

Jenny: "Running, jumping and throwing."

Kev: "Athletics?"

Jenny: "Pretty much, though not in the organised way we know it nowadays. And also weightlifting. But the weight of the pressure is clearly getting to the Sloths here. That pass from Cueto was wayward..."

Kev: "But these rivalries became friendly?"

Jenny: "Of course! It made people realise that you didn't have to fight each other to be better than them, and it taught them respect."

Kev: "Because they were competitive without hatred and bloodshed."

Jenny: "Exactly that. So society grew, and even though the people had their differences, they worked through these for the benefit of one another. But there was still one difference that had the potential to split society."

Kev: "A split?"

Jenny: "Yes, like that one in the Schiavone defence. Fortunately, Sylver's pass is mopped up by O'Connor."

Kev: "And that was?"

Jenny: "Between the Schiavones and the Redskins."

Kev: "The Redskins? Who were they?"

Jenny: "They were an ethnic group within Schiavonia, found across the islands, but largely in the South-Eastern cluster."

Kev: "So what was the problem with them?"

Jenny: "Well, they didn't quite hold the same values as everyone else. They tended not to be as unified as the other ethnic groups that came together to form Schiavonia. They still preferred violent sports to the more peaceful alternatives that the rest of the populace had come to know and love, and generally did not integrate with the rest of the nation."

Kev: "So why did they bother?"

Jenny: "Well, they were convinced by Winston Schiavone that they would be better off as part of the federation, and they would never have been able to reach the two-thirds of the vote required to leave."

Kev: "Ah, OK."

Jenny: "As the Sloths push again, but Blige shoots wide. Anyway, we'll hear more about them in due course. And more about Schiavonia's history, too. I didn't mean to break into that little lesson, what with it being a tight game with plenty of action, especially as we're right at the end. The very end. But we'll have more of that in a later game. Because there is the final whistle! One-nil to Brenecia, though a fantastic performance from the Sloths, who were never out of it. It bodes well for the visit of the so-far winless Dorado Grande next up!"

Kev: "No win for me, either, but I'm proud of our boys and girls today! Well done, Sloths!"

Jenny: "How much did you lose?"

Kev: "Three thousand wields"

Jenny: "How much?"

Kev: "Three thousand wields"

Jenny: That is quite a bit, you know."

Kev: "It was all I had."

Jenny: "You bet all you had on a Brenecia two-nil win."

Kev: "Yes."

Jenny: "Good luck getting the Paradystopi job in Audioslavia, then."

by **Polar Islandstates** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:35 pm

"Seen this, Lena?"

"What's that, Boris?"

"Says here that they've announced Alexsandr van Sorensen as the sixth inductee to the Hall of Fame from the Terns."

"That's nice, dear."

"Hmph. Bout bloody time, if you ask me!"

"I wasn't, dear."

"It's bloody ridiculous is what it is! The best all-round player we've ever had in the nation, and he's had to wait years and years until he was allowed in the Hall of Fame. All because of that daft rule the FPIFA have were players in the squad can't be inducted until they retire. Hence we've got Petter Bielsen in there well before Hauge or van Sorensen were allowed in. It's daft! I mean, I've nothing against Bielsen; he was a cracking player in his day and probably deserves the spot over any of the other players that were retired at the time. But, come on, he's no Hauge, and he's certainly no van Sorensen."

"I see, dear."

"It's political correctness gone mad, is what it is."

"Is it? I do wish you wouldn't read that paper before breakfast, Boris, you haven't taken your blood pressure tablets yet. Remember what the doctor said?"

"Hmph. Alright, alright, I'm taking them, I'm taking them. It is though."

"Is what, dear?"

"Political correctness. Gone mad."

"I see. If you say so, dear."

"I do say so. I bet you wouldn't get this in Audioslavia. Or Vilita. Or anywhere in Atlantian Oceania, for that matter. It's all those Acquans, isn't it? Coming over here, taking our jobs..."

"At the FPIFA, dear?"

"Well, maybe not there, but elsewhere. Trickle down, isn't it? There's just no guts in the game any more. SK can just throw money at it, East Franz are so hung up on SK they've gone to shit. Jan Mayen are nothing without van Sorensen - another reason he should be in the Hall of Fame already - and Surtsey will go to shit soon enough."

"Finish your coffee, dear."

"And on top of all that I can't even afford a season ticket for the Diamonds anymore! All whilst these overpaid international footballers come over here and flop about the place at the slightest touch! It's stuff and nonsense! If I wanted to watch Astograthian football I'd move to Astograth!"

"Not right now though, dear."

"What do you mean?"

"They're having a coup of sorts, aren't they dear?"

"Who? Astograth? Don't be silly woman. Where was I? Oh yes, overpaid footballers. I bet van Sorensen wasn't overpaid. Heard what they're paying him to be assistant manager at Jan Mayen right now? A pittance. And he's happy to have it. Now that's loyalty. He played like any one of us would have played would have played for our side. And that's why he should have been in the Hall of Fame already. I mean, look at Kungas-Vaga! He'll be the next in, I suppose, unless he's still playing. Our first ever title winning captain and he'll have to wait to go in the Hall of Fame for as long as his playing career is going. Ridiculous decision making by those clowns in Franz Josef City, again."

"I'm sure they do their best, dear."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course, dear."

"Clowns, the lot of them. All the way up through the game. Like Kolehmainen! He's another one! Pass the jam, please."

"Here you go, dear."

"The guy just needs to man up, doesn't he? Depression, my arse. Have you ever been so depressed you had to accept a much better paid job somewhere in a bigger city? No, me neither. Bloke just needs to get his head out of his arse and stop being so lazy. Man up."

"I don't like that phrase, dear."

"What's wrong wi-"

"Depression is a serious mental health issue, Boris. Don't belittle it. You've got your own health problems, you wouldn't like it if someone told you to 'man up' and stop taking your medication."

"Hmph. That's different."

"Is it, dear? How is it different?"

"It's all his head, woman!"

"Don't call me woman. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I can't see your heart from I'm sitting but I can tell you haven't taken your pressure tablets yet. Take them."

"Hmph. Fine."

"And turn away from the sports pages. It only makes you upset. The Terns won, didn't they?"

"Four-nil, yes."

"Then why are you so angry, dear?"

"Hmph."

"Well then. Turn the sports pages away, please. Take a look at what else is going on in the world. You might learn something."

"...yes, dear."

"Pass the jam please, Boris."

"Hm? Oh, there you g-..."

"Boris?"

"Jiminy Fuckit what the hell's going on in Astograth?!"

"...I did try and tell you, dear."

"You did? When?"

"...nevermind, dear. Nevermind."

by **Yttribia** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:56 pm

Part One
Part Two
Part Three A
Part Three B
Part Four

Well, now is the time. After a week of preparation and debate, it was time for the six members of the Federal Council to take the stage in one of the largest Q&A sessions in the known multiverse. And Giorgio Marchegiano was reciting his Rosary as usual, before he takes the stage to speak to the general audience inside the Universität Schweighausenergrund Arena. Attendees had flocked to the five-thousand capacity stadium by the masses, with the seats reorganized from a basketball venue to a s this was literally history in the making. The six heads of state were to engage with the crowd present, and any Yttribian whose tweets were considered trending on microblogging website Vesper, or on news aggregation website Imondo. Giorgio finished reciting the Holy Rosary, when Laureen Varela, governor of Fresnosa came up to him.

"So, Giorgio, how the hell are you going to plan to out Richard's economic plan

"Well, Laureen, I have some set up questions, but in the eventual end, it all depends on the Lord and Saviour, Gesù Cristo, who will help me through this hour and a half of debates, by calming me down throughout the entire debate."

"Damn it Giorgio, cut the religion out, it's honestly-"

"Damn it Laureen, cut the attitude out, it's honestly one of the worst things a person could ever have in their mind. Sure, I understand why you all mock me about my religion, no problem, I sometimes mock it too, but the severity of the mocking is what I do not stand for. I've never made fun of your atheism, or godforsakeness, or whatever its called nowadays, you know why? Because I actually care about people for who they are, not their religion."

"Wow, I'm absolutely sorry about what I said, I didn't know that this was going to-"

"It's fine, you get used to the comments by now."

"Listen, Giorgio, how can I ever repay you for what I was about to say?"

"You can thank me later."

"Thank you, later?"

"Yes. Just you wait and see."

One of the members working with the national broadcaster, CdRY, came up to the two governors, who were the last of the Federal Council members to be offstage.

"Five minutes, your Excellencies."

"No need to call us that, but thank you."

Giorgio stands up, and takes his cane leaning next to his chair, and the two walk toward their chairs on stage, in front of the five thousand people present inside the auditorium. There is a small desk in front of the stage, reserved for the town-hall moderators. Sitting around the half table are the other four Federal Council members, with the order of the people sitting around the half-circle table, from left to right being Giorgio, Richard, Aubert, Jeanette, Emma, and Laureen. Giorgio leans over to Richard, and whispers into his ear.

"You do know that the entire nations really wants to know your secrets on how you doubled the average income?"

"Well, the thing is that-"

"Your secret on how you increased the income of each and every one of the citizens of your region will be revealed tonight? Yeah, that's coming out, ol' sunnyboy. Either that, or you make a plan to do the exact same thing with the nation. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, now sit up straight, or else you'll be knocked out while the cameras are rolling, okay? We're about to go live, and to believe that more people are watching this than they are that soccer match, isn't that right, Richard?"

"Yes, sir."

"And fix that damn attitude while you're at it. You won't get re-elected next time regional elections are coming up."

Richard takes a gulp, as if he were scared, while Giorgio makes a nod to Laureen across the table. Emma leans over to Laureen, and they begin to whisper.

"What the hell was that nod all about?"

"Oh, I honestly don't know. I think I might have to ask him about that after this town hall meeting is through. Anyways, are you nervous? Any questions you aren't looking forward to?"

"Not necessarily, but I know for a fact that Richard is super fucking nervous about being asked about income equality, that's a fact. That no good son-of-a-gun is always a snob."

"Hopefully he caves in, and eventually gives the plans for increasing the national income. Unless he's the don of the mafia."

The two are laughing their heads off at what Laureen just said, and the cameraman signals for ten seconds before the start of the transmission. The two start laughing, while the six are beginning to think of what is about to unfold within the next hour.

Aubert Eccleston, was thinking, "I swear, this is going to kill me. Hell, I'm not even mad with Grimaldi! Looks like I'm retiring after my term is done. Become a broadcaster, or a farmer. I honestly don't care, nowadays," and then took a quick look over to Jeanette.

"Deep breaths, you can do this. Time to voice out your support for the Yttribian youth, et cetera, and smile at the camera," was what Jeanette was thinking when she took a look over to Emma.

"Time to show the world that Obersinn is actually relevant, and that there is more than Fontvieille and Telino. Hopefully, we'll get more tourism, and whatnot. Hell, now that I'm thinking, who the hell is going to run Fontvieille? And what the hell about our various ministries, and holy crap. We need someone to overview the federal government," thought Emma, while trying to smile, and kindly smiled and stared at Richard.

"Well, fuck. Time to get out of here, and become the next Grimaldi," were his final pre-debate thoughts, while he glared over towards Laureen for possibly the last time.

"This is it. The whole region is watching history unfold. And how nervous am I, not at all," Laureen thought, while she smiled and nodded towards Giorgio.

"People will look to me as the hero this nation has needed. No more of this mocking. Time to make myself a name in history," Giorgio had on his mind, while he looked at the cameraman signal the final three seconds.

He pointed towards the cameraman, and watched the camera proceed to roll, and the moderator announce his name.

"Good evening, Yttribia, my name is Michael Becker from CdRY 1, and welcome to the Yttribian Town Hall meeting, live from the Universität Schweighausenergrund Arena, here in Schweighausenergrun, in Obersinn."

The crowd applauded, and watched the six governors wave at them all.

by **Lymantatia** » Sat Mar 29, 2014 6:00 pm

Statistics on the Predictions

Five of the nations in the Round of 16 (even half of the nations in the semifinals) were founded after January 2012.
Eight (or should I say half) of nations in the the Round of 16 were founded after January 2011.

Lymantatia 2–0 Ratastan
Posted at 12:00pm 2014 March 29 by Edmund Diamond - Finally, we have thrashed the Ratastan team two by zero.
Goalscorers
33 minutes - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia)
71 minutes - Jacques Bressler (Lymantatia)
Current Statistics
Average number of time of goals: 52 minutes
Average number of time of goals by other teams: 50 minutes
Most goals by person on Lymantatia's team: Jacques Bressler (10)

World Cup 68 RP Thread

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