AOCAF Cup 43 - Everything Thread

by **Kinitaria** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 4:53 pm

Group A
Greater Watford 0–1 Maklohi Vai @ Stadion Munisipaliya, Litora
Kinitaria 2–0 New Cloudsdale @ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Group A                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Kinitaria                  2   2  0  0    5   2  +3    6  Q 
2 Maklohi Vai                2   2  0  0    3   0  +3    6  Q
3 Greater Watford            2   0  0  2    2   4  −2    0
4 New Cloudsdale             2   0  0  2    0   4  −4    0

Group B
Bonticello 0–0 Naitpyge @ Ter Komunada, Kasmenai
Osarius 1–5 West Guiana @ Stadion Viteanii Revolusii, Litora

Group B                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 West Guiana                2   1  1  0    6   2  +4    4
2 Osarius                    2   1  0  1    5   5   0    3
3 Naitpyge                   2   0  2  0    1   1   0    2
4 Bonticello                 2   0  1  1    0   4  −4    1

Group C
Kericia 0–1 Starblaydia @ Parc Četatii, Inovita
Saint Anne and Jacob 0–4 Ibex @ Arena "Spartak", Rexitova

Group C                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Starblaydia                2   2  0  0    4   2  +2    6
2 Ibex                       2   1  0  1    6   3  +3    3
3 Kericia                    2   1  0  1    1   1   0    3
4 Saint Anne and Jacob       2   0  0  2    0   5  −5    0

Group D
Vilita & Turori 5–2 Weimania @ Stadion "Lumar Beqiri", Mi'ato
95X 2–1 New Gordonopia @ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

Group D                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Vilita & Turori            2   2  0  0    9   4  +5    6
2 New Gordonopia             2   1  0  1    3   2  +1    3
3 95X                        2   1  0  1    4   5  −1    3
4 Weimania                   2   0  0  2    2   7  −5    0

Group E
Furellum 3–0 Perlasilangan @ Parc Semnal, Avnani
Valanora 1–1 The Inevitable Syndicate @ Stadion Orašii, Mi'ato

Group E                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Valanora                   2   1  1  0    4   2  +2    4
2 The Inevitable Syndicate   2   1  1  0    2   1  +1    4
3 Furellum                   2   1  0  1    4   3  +1    3
4 Perlasilangan              2   0  0  2    0   4  −4    0  E

Group F
Florgania 0–1 Lymryk Isles @ Stadion Universitii, Tirinthea
Ko-oren 0–1 Legalese @ Stadion Proletare, Fule

Group F                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Legalese                   2   2  0  0    5   2  +3    6
2 Ko-oren                    2   1  0  1    1   1   0    3
3 Lymryk Isles               2   1  0  1    3   4  −1    3
4 Florgania                  2   0  0  2    0   2  −2    0

Group G
Audioslavia 3–0 Preiva @ Arena Damacii, Damaciu
Blouman Empire 1–0 Schiavonia @ Stadion Nasiyonala, Chyr

Group G                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Audioslavia                2   2  0  0    4   0  +4    6
2 Preiva                     2   1  0  1    3   3   0    3
3 Blouman Empire             2   1  0  1    1   1   0    3
4 Schiavonia                 2   0  0  2    0   4  −4    0

Group H
Kjeligsted 0–3 Nellietopia @ Stadion "Dinamo", Paleu
Thatius 1–5 Farfadillis @ Stadion "Irin Kucinič", Lorceag

Group H                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Farfadillis                2   2  0  0    8   3  +5    6  Q
2 Nellietopia                2   1  0  1    5   3  +2    3
3 Thatius                    2   1  0  1    2   5  −3    3
4 Kjeligsted                 2   0  0  2    0   4  −4    0

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 9:58 am

The following was sent to me via Blatter:
Mr_Caffeine: @EthanSinclair_12, I bumped into you at Mi'ato Airport, and you didn't even say hello. What gives?

You really want to know? Here's the answer.
Plane journeys petrify me. I honestly can't ever think of a time I've ever had one that wasn't filled with some sort of strife. Now, I fly a lot, as my job does require it (even more so since we've been playing games in Audioslavia for the LigAnaia), and every time I have to take special precautions to make sure I don't freak out. There are several. Firstly, my MP3 player is loaded with an album that I only listen to when flying. It's filled with vintage Valhallan Yodelling, and for some reason this seems to calm me down when the plane's about to take off. Secondly, there's a poem I always like to read while on a plane. It's below.

For When I'm Sad By William Whittlesby

I often find I'm thinking,
when the chips seem rather down,
that someone out there's slinking,
with an even bigger frown.

They might be quite upset,
something may be amiss.
But they've not bit the dust quite yet,
Or've been taken to the abyss.

It may seem rather silly,
But I picture that I'm them,
Could be a bloke named Billy
Who's full of flu and phlegm.

Then I feel quite great,
As I know that I'm not worse.
I'm not in an awful awful state,
And I lack a terrible curse!

You could try it too of course,
If you seem rather sad,
Just shout from your lungs with a great force,
"HEY! IT'S NOT THAT BAD!"

As you can see, it's an awful poem. William Whittlesby is often credited as one of the Syndicate's worst poets, but one Winterval I got a book of his poems, that I first read on a plane, and I've taken it with me on every plane journey since.

You're probably thinking two things: "Why is this guy so crazy?", and "How did you develop your fear of flying anyway?" Well, the answer to the first question is that it's a common Syndicatian trait, and the answer to the second is a number of factors.

When I was young, my father lived in Legalese. Every year, I'd go and visit him, my step-mother, and my half-brothers over in Laurel. My mother couldn't afford two plane tickets, so I'd always have to go on my own. Well, one particular year, I had a terrible time. The plane was delayed due to flooding at the airport, and I had to sit in the coffee shop for seven hours before I was allowed to fly. After this, the plane had a load of turbulence on the way there, and the flight attendant skipped out on my in-flight meal. I got to Laurel, in the end, and then took three buses in the rain to get to my father's house. Turns out he'd forgot I was coming. I had to sleep in the shed on the first night.

So, with that flight being something I wanted to avoid, the next year I left a day in advance, and took the Trans-Calanian rail route and the connecting ferry over to the Karin Islands. It was a lovely experience, and I'd recommend taking the rail route as a holiday if you ever get the chance. Anyway. Next time I flew in a plane was just months before my first professional football game.

It wasn't a long flight, only one from Nostromo to Pinehearth, but it happened in the early hours of the morning, and was the worst experience I've ever had in my life. To cut a long story short, as I don't want to talk about it - the plane ran out of fuel, and we had to land in Lake Dysen. The sound of silence as the plane glided through the air on it's descent was just chilling, and I genuinely thought that I, along with the rest of my team, was going to die.

But, I'm still alive, just, and planes haven't killed me yet, as much as they want to... So, when I step off planes, I'm likely to be quite nervous, and cranky, and simply glad to be alive. So, if a fan (such as yourself, Mr_Caffeine) were to come up to me at the airport, I might not pay much attention to them, as I'm gathering my own thoughts. Sorry I didn't say hello.

by **Ibex** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 10:11 am

Ibex is a small, mostly-desert, land-locked nation found slightly west of The Inevitable Syndicate. It is populated mainly by "intelligent" Ibexes (goats). They speak, they work, and they pray; that's about it. The other species--pretty much any intelligent four-hooved creature other than ponies, cows, and pigs--tend to be slightly more educated and in administrative or important business positions, while still maintaining their spirituality. The top tiers of government and business are mostly the least-religious Ibexes, and tend to use the Opiate of the Masses as propaganda and a tool of oppression. Humans are advised to avoid visiting if they can; authorization for entry is difficult to obtain, unauthorized humans are usually enslaved, and there's not that much to see, anyway. Except for the hoofball, of course, and also some magnificent Cathedrals if that's your thing.

Kits courtesy of Kirola Sportswear of Audioslavia. The kit actually shown is worn by the team's human Valet; the players will be wearing kits of almost identical design, but shaped properly for their specific species.

Home

Away

Style Mod: +4.6
Formation: 2-4-4

Manager: Rasim Amirmoez, 41, Ibex. The Prince of Isllamabad, son of Emporor Shang Lér.

Starting XI
Pos  #   Name              Age  Species
GK   1   Bluegrass         21   Ibex
D    19  Saliha El-Amin    17   Ibex
D    3   Lujayn Salah      18   Ibex
ML   4   Rolling Plain     30   Buffalo
MLC  15  Arwa Dabil        19   Ibex
MRC  6   Azucena Salcedo   39   Impala
MR   7   Pterra Ramosa     26   Alpaca
LW   14  Illebo            22   Llama
FL   9   Aliston Antler    30   Antelope   [Captain]
FR   10  Baroque Garret    22   Ibex
RW   11  Baqir Jana        18   Ibex

Reserves
GK   20  Zaran             33   Zebra
D    2   Rebir Khan        15   Antelope
D    18  Llaria            23   Llama
M    17  Drevis Prong      25   Antelope
M    16  Jeptha Oll        31   Alpaca
M    5   Jackir Manaya     16   Alpaca
F    8   Hadi Inja         14   Ibex
F    13  Quon Nevina       18   Alpaca
F    12  Krunt Ishtag      27   Polar Bear

Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod scoring events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out red cards to my players Y (Encouraged. Ibexes are very aggressive.)
Godmod other events Y

by **Kericia** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 10:42 am

Kericia National Football Team

Nickname: The Seagulls
Manager: Marvin Goodman

name / age / club

GK:
Efrain Garcia / 40 / Hastings
Antonio Peña / 29 / Fulton

D:
Ralph Ross / 36 / Fulton
Marvin Hanson / 30 / Kericia City
Bruce Gallagher / 27 / Hastings
Glenn Turner / 23 / Fulton
Johnny Sanders / 24 / Constantia
Mitch Barnes / 34 / Pulaski
Alvin Hernández / 26 / Minetto

M:
Kevin Carpenter / 34 / Kericia City
Randy Hall / 34 / Fulton
Ben Mitchell / 32 / Kericia City
Jeffrey Johnson / 24 / Kericia Town
Gilberto Colón / 23 / Kericia City
Juan Padilla / 28 / Granby
Darren Fischer / 21 / Scriba

F:
Vince Conner / 32 / Fulton
Brett Marsh / 25 / Hastings
Floyd Dean / 29 / Volney
Lonnie Jacobs / 23 / Granby

Kits courtesy of 23 Outfitters, a sportswear manufacturer headquartered in Fulton, Kericia.

by **Nellietopia** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 2:10 pm

Nellietopia Express Post Journal of Current Events Translated by Freaky Dudes

KINITARIA - This place sucks. Not only can you not find a decent place to eat, but everyone everywhere just looks at you like there's something wrong with you. Hello? I have eight legs and two pedipalps. Get over it. And watch where you step, too. Not everyone is as big as your neighbor %$#^, who probably is towering right over you right now. And if a little bit of my sticky residue squirts out, don't be grossed out - it's natural. I use it from time to time to get places. Oh, if my exe is out there, please don't let her eat me.

It is hard to visit another country. Kinitaria is one of those places that just doesn't respect our kind. After all, they're sticking us in the same category as disgusting hexapods or icky clitellates. I mean, who doesn't love a good bug to bite, but that's like calling "humans" and "cows" virtually the same thing. I mean, yeah - they both eat, poop, and sleep. But cows don't go out and systematically round up the majority of the members of your species and poke them around with pointy things, occasionally raping the lactating females and slaughtering the unfit women and children of their kind. No, indeed, humans are a different kind of monster, the sort that thinks highly of itself and lowly of all other things, which may at times include members of their own species deemed unfit by some arbitrary standard. But I'm not here to judge them, I'm just tired to being walked upon by some pompous bipedal nincompoop.

And as for the reason to come here, well, like many other Nellies, we came for the footy. I mean, why else would we flock en masse to some other country, which - dazzling forests asides - boasts such a vehement distaste for our kind? I mean, we had dodge forty guards armed to the teeth with RAID just to get to the stadium only to find that the seats were too big. And when we tried to watch the game by stacking atop one another, we were told that we were blocking the view of the other spectators. One of these days, people in the world will learn not only to respect Nellies as equally-contributive members of the international community, but also as genuine friends with whom business, trade, and progress can be made in equal measure. And then maybe the rest of the critter community can get the same fair treatment as those gargantuan ursines, hubristic elves, stocky dwarves, and some other creature that is escaping my attention at the moment.

Anyway, it's time to dodge the guards again. When visiting Kinitaria, number 1 piece of advice: bring gas masks.

by **Audioslavia** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 6:04 pm

by **Bonticello** » Fri Feb 14, 2014 6:32 pm

(obviously, because Bonticello is currently rioting over the non-segregated performance a roster will not be posted, in order to preserve the identities of the competitors. Though you don't care, the roster will be posted for the BoF and the omission of a roster here, and an inclusion of one for the BoF will play an important part in my storyline & nation's history.

Below are portions of a special committee meeting between Bonticello Congressional Leaders in response to the recent riots in Cellopane. The black/Bonte Congressmen have not arrived yet, so the conversation revolves around several of the white congressmen from Cellopane

"This is insane. This is utterly insane. Cellopane still hasn't calmed down, and it's been three days. I mean really, how many people could give two shits about a 300 year old rivalry." (Barrow)

"I think the fact that the rivalry was able to last for 300 years is the problem...." (Hardaway)

"Regardless, now we're in this mess. What do you all suppose we do now? It's amazing that the citizens haven't come trying to burn down the capital yet. We're lucky that all they're doing is looting." (Craig)

"Well....I'd hate to say I told you all so. But I told you all so" (Parker)

"Yes Congressman Parker, your racism and regionalism is duly noted. Do you have anything even remotely helpful to add to the conversation?" (Hardaway)

"Okay, look, I really don't appreciate your tone. I told ALL of you this. The people aren't ready for this type of change. Things were going great until you all thought that we should change things and make waves. Nothing was going wrong before, the Bonte's had their land, we had ours, and everything was peachy" (Parker)

You call a border war peachy? You call persecution of BOTH races peachy? Gang mentality? Wasting a shitload of money every damn year to keep the people calm, and support this stupid defense budget. Banning immigration...banning interracial marriage. We're one of the few nations still existing where Gays are given more rights than those of mix-race. Where you can smoke marijuana, but you can't cross into adjacent territory. Where being White in Bonte, and Black in Cellopane are crimes. Do you know how fucked up that is? And it's not even like we subjugated the blacks. We pushed them off the land, but we all went our separate ways. All this shit is a result of a glorified family feud and it's ridiculous. We have no reason to hate each other. This was a war that our ancestors should have fought, not one that we should have" (Hardaway)

"Oh, shut up. At least it was better than what we have now. 1/2 the nation is in disarray. There's no peace here, no stability. People can't even broadcast the soccer tournament or release the names of the players that WE sent out because of this stupid ass desgregation argument, and the rioters will kill the players. This really isn't worth the trouble...I told every one of you. Don't. Make. Waves. I told all of you to let nature take its course." (Parker)

"What the fuck was NATURAL about what was going on before." (Barrow)

"What's natural about THIS! Come back to me when you figure that out." (Parker)

---Secretary Melissa Brightwood buzzed in on the intercom: "Congressman Craig, the Bonte representatives should be here within the next 45 minutes ---

"Thank you Melissa" (Craig)

by **Vilita** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 3:14 am

New Look Eel-Cat Things, Same Result

Vilita & Turori 5 - 2 Weimania

MI'ATO, KINITARIA :: After an opening matchday victory against their toughest Group D opposition, 95X, Nycflala Kater's Vilita & Turori Eel Cat Things squared offagainst Weimania, a debutant nation in the Atlantian Oceania Confederation of Association Football's premier regional event.

While an unknown entity to most, Weimania was widely believed to be one of the weaker and inexperienced sides in the competition so Kater took the opportunity to make wholesale changes to the starting lineup, making sure he had the chance to get as many players as possible playing time during this AOCAF.

In fact, Kater reached all the way back to his Reserves, tapping East Franz Athletic's Kristofer Kilpter to start along side the young Vilitan phenom Nili Ylimaiina and Cednia Beach stand out Matlya Eelador who sat out the first match as well. Kater, of course, one of the most famous Vilita & Turori Dual Nationals, was an important experienced member of the two previous Vilita & Turori AOCAF championships.

On defense, Amarini Baracelv and Arocki Tadalek were introduced in place of Enur Rotropii and Inaosnaa Klanoa and in Midfield it would be Dalian Magagula, Kigaoua Oalalka and Lopaki Kilpter making the starting lineup with only Purapal Eskiiy making the cut for a second time.

Whether it was fully just looking to give more players a chance, or a certain desire to not rubber-stamp the performance against 95X as "Acceptable" - Kater rung in the changes with only Geafi Laina-Sola and Purapal Eskiiy in the starting lineup for the Weimania match among those who also started against 95X. On the goalkeeping front, Zelkki Milake was given the night off with youngster Kalek Intafel given the start. Intafel, who currently plays for Alikki-Corra, is rumored to be in the sights of some of the Stellar Divisions top guns including Strike FC after Alikki-Corra's recent relegation to the Declasse.

As the match got started, it didn't take long for Kristofer Kilpter to prove that despite being the oldest player on the squad, he was still one of the most talented. Kilpter netted a pair of goals in the first half to put the Eel-Cat things up 2-0 at half time before making way for the Mliona-Lpaka AFC striker Inamari Altariiz.

Altariiz picked up right where Kilpter left off, adding to the Eel-Cat things lead just 7 minutes into the second half after attacking-partner Matlya Eelador opted to lay the ball off to Altariiz despite being one-on-one with the Keeper. Of course, it was a perfect pass and afforded Vilita & Turori an empty-net opportunity as Weimania's goalkeeper "Kluge" was left hung out to dry by his defenders.

The Eel-Cat Things added two more goals in the next ten minutes, a corner-kick headed in by Geafi Laina-Sola and a looping lob by Nili Ylimaiina, and the rout was certainly well in progress. However, Weimania was still pressuring for a goal of their own and the Turorian substitute, Shariif Denibo who came on in place of Kalek Intafel at the half was not doing particularly well at controlling his rebounds.

It would come back to haunt him in the 76th minute when a long shot by "Kleinert" that should have otherwise been easy for the Turoki Tide goalkeeper to cling on to was allowed to run free and "Bingle" beat Amarini Baracelv to the ball, side footing it into the back of the net to make the score 5-1.

While the Eel Cat things wouldn't get on the scoreboard again, Weimania did add one further consolation goal and this time it was "Kleinert" themselves scoring with the last kick of the match, a free kick from just outside the area.

It will surely have been a somewhat disappointing debut for the young Turorian goalkeeper Shariif Denibo but for Nycflala Kater's Eel-Cat Things it was two matches and two victories, virtually assuring advancement to the knockout rounds with only New Gordonopia standing in their way on Matchday 3.

	Weimania
:: Goalscorers :: :: 26' Kristofer Kilpter :: 36' Kristofer Kilpter :: 52' Inamari Altariiz :: 58' Geafi Laina-Sola :: 60' Nili Ylimaiina	:: Goalscorers :: :: 76' "Bingle" :: 90' "Kleinert" :: :: ::
:: Best Player: Matlya Eelador :: Worst Player: Amarini Baracelv :: Shots on Target: 7 :: Corner Kicks: 7	:: Best Player: "Kleinert" :: Worst Player: "Kluge" :: Shots on Target: 6 :: Corner Kicks: 6

Vilita & Turori Eel Cat Things ::
[GK] Kalek Intafel, [D.] Amarini Baracelv, [D.] Geafi Laina-Sola, [D.] Arocki Tadalek, [ML] Purapal Eskiiy, [MC] Dalian Magagula, [MC] Kigaoua Oalalka, [MR] Lopaki Kilpter, [FC] Matlya Eelador, [FC] Nili Ylimaiina, [FC] Kristofer Kilpter
BENCH::
[FC] Kaivel Illatara, [FC] Inamari Altariiz, [M] Tripate Falcon, [M] Inlite Makakio, [U] Enluta Makakio, [D] Endur Rotropii, [GK] Sharif Deniibo

Vilita & Turori Substitutions::
(21) - Kigaoua Oalalka >>> Inlite Makakio
(45) - Kristofer Kilpter >>> Inamari Altariiz
(45) - Kalek Intafel >>> Sharif Deniibo

by **Ko-oren** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 6:41 am

Readers' column:
Atlantian Oceania: 42 - Rushmore: 0

You know what's so good about the AOCAF? I mean, with the World Cup, Atlantian Oceania has a like 50% chance of winning, with the AOCAF, all titles are for the best region. We need more regional integration, and sports are one way of achieving that. Some regions go as far as having joint legislation and the like, and that might be a bit of a far future thing for AO right now, but one thing is sure and that is that we need to band together. Don't cheer for Ko-oren, cheer for Atlantian Oceania! Celebrate 42 straight AOCAF titles and 29 World Cups!

There's nothing more Atlantian Oceanian than a matchup between two island nations, one so far west that the sun rising in Starblaydia and the Inevitable Syndicate means that Ko-oren won't have sunrise for another three hours, and the other so far east that a AOTC 0 breakfast is a Lymryk Isles lunch. The two countries (rather: provinces of Atlantian Oceania) I'm talking about are seven hours apart, and one is even the northernmost and the other the sourthernmost nation in AO.

The AOCAF is not about winning, it's about working together to make any single d*mn Atlantian Oceanian team better so that they can destroy f***ing Flushmore and Es-poor-tiva next time the World Cup happens. And the same goes for the WBC, World Bowl, RUWC, WCoH and the IBC! How about regional Olympics to leave 'those other regions' on zero golds next time. The Winter Olympics are coming, and with no word about a Ko-orenite delegation, we might as well end up hoping the rest of the best region will win most of it.

So far, the Ko-orenite province that belongs to AO is second behind the autonomous region of Legalese. The latter are sure to go through (ok, almost sure) while the Greenblue province has to play the Lymryk Isles in what might as well be a single-knockout game. Florgania, our waterloo in the WCoH, has no way of doing anything bad to us anymore. After the group stage, 16 proud Atlantian Oceanian provinces go to the second round and whatever happens, a proud Atlantian Oceanian province will win the 43rd title for the region.

by **Farfadillis** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:21 am

BAM BAM BOOM BAM BAM... BAM

Yup, 5-1. Yes, we did just thrash the second seed. Yes, we did just secure advancement to the second round. Oh, we actually also secured topping the group too, thanks to the tiebreakers. Two teams find themselves three points away from us, but both of them have lost to us and so we can just completely ignore the upcoming match against Kjeligsted. Thank God we're facing the Slavis when it doesn't matter!

But now that we've nailed the group so early on, I think we could start thinking about our round of sixteen pairing. Taking a quick look, it pretty much looks like we're facing either Preiva or Blouman Empire. Actually, taking a look, it looks almost exactly the same as our group; the Slavis have topped their group too. This is particularly relieving, considering that we've got the chance they're knocked out before they face us (and therefore beat us, as they always do). The winner between Preiva and Blouman Empire will face us, basically. Blouman Empire is the favourite, and I look forward to facing them. We gotta have our revenge! But I'm actually going to be cheering for Preiva. I mean, I'd very much rather face Preiva than face the team that thrashed us twice.

But let's talk about the match against Thatius, that surely will cheer us up! Summarizing, we played as the second best team in Atlantian Oceania (thank you mathematically-dubious rankings!).

Thatius started playing terribly, thankfully. It became clear as soon as minute ten. Fôx got the ball close to the line, dribbled their right midfielder, then dribbled a fullback and then crossed. Roga then headed the ball to the upper-left corner, beating the centreback marking him to the ball. Boom, goal. Interesting showing from Roga, I must say. I suppose getting to the Champions' Cup final was not just luck after all.

And two minutes after that came another goal! Terán stripped Petković from the ball. headed forward, feinted a shot from afar, which left the goalkeeper wrongly positioned, dribbled Erkocević, who had rushed towards him, and shot to the lower-left corner with the goalkeeper still not prepared. Bam, another goal an everything seemed to indicate there would be nothing to worry about.

Five minutes later, Thatius scored from the penalty spot following a foul committed by Mata. Voloski took the penalty, shot to the upper-right corner, and that was that. There was nothing Lisdiren could do to stop that shot. Credit should go to Voloski for taking that penalty so well, though that was countered by his terrible overall performance.

And after those super exciting first seventeen minutes, nothing worthy of note happened until half time came. Well, actually, Tuzzio had a one-on-one stopped by the goalkeeper and Dandalleion had a shot miss the target by centimetres. But that was basically it. As much as the difference between the teams may have been one goal at half time, Farfadillis had been the better team, and it all showed in the second half.

Kâí started playing like in the Di Bradini Cup after half time. The whole attack started to concentrate on him. He was suffering of the "gravitational pull" effect - that's how I like to call it. It's sort of like the effect Bjorn Konigstein has on the pitch when playing for Franz Josef City. The ball always ends in his feet somewhat inexplicably. Well, that happened to Risko. I can't complain, at all. He made the most out of every time he got the ball, always starting deadly attacks.

In the fifteenth minute of the second half, he dribbled two players inside the box and passed the ball to Dandalleion, who shot from close range to the lower-right corner, making it impossible for the goalkeeper to stop the shot. Ten minutes after that, Kâí himself headed in a cross by Dandalleion.

So with that we were winning four-one already. After that, the game calmed down and we started focusing less on attacking and more on trying to make the game stay a calmed affair. The very last thing we wanted was to get an injury in a short competition, right? However, we did score another goal when Mêndêlöíndçêl connected a through pass to Roga, who went one-on-one with the goalkeeper. He then dribbled the goalkeeper and scored his second goal of the day. Five-one and a win for us. We had topped the group.

The match ended two minutes after the last goal, I must say I was surprised. I really hope we can keep playing like this, but it sounds very unlikely. Sorry for the mediocre blog entry today, I'm not really in the mood (for some reason!).

by **Valanora** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 2:21 pm

One game after another, one tournament after another, the days and years and everything between begins to just sort of blend together. It caused memory lapses for some, that he knew, and a general feeling of restlessness for others and the eventual departure from the physical world for some. He had felt it as well, that tingling that things were amiss, that there was quite a bit more to do in the world than just what he was doing. Yet as much soul searching and exploration that he had done over time, he had yet to find what else in the universe could call out and grip him the same way that sport did.

Art, culture, pursuits of intelligence, it all could bring some new experience to the life that he had lead, yet he had sampled that life already. Awards, they were nice, but ultimately meaningless, he did not pursue such things for the attention and admiration of others, but for his own pursuit and betterment. Perhaps that was what his purpose was, the eternal betterment of self, a noble goal though one that would never come to an end. There was always to better yourself, to make improvements upon your habits and the way you went above living your life. A million different little aspects that could be corrected, discarded, or improved upon, the everlasting an unattainable goal.

Life as a footballer became simpler then, a very order and rigid schedule to keep during the season. It was the off season and breaks that lead to the moments and days where his mind was left to wander through the traverse. During the season it was simple: train, study the opponents, train more, hold meetings, and then play the game. A simple and structured life that any one could get bogged down in and avoid the influence and noise from the rest of the world. It was easy to fall into the routine of what you had to do before and during each game and just put up the blinders to everything and anything else that was happening. He saw it for both his teammates at the club, as well as those on the national team, so blissfully caught up in just the munitions of the sport.

That was not enough for him though, that was never going to be enough for Laborious Hawk. He knew about the political tensions going on over in Rushmore, disrupting the celebration and competition of the Copa Rushmori. That was a major disappointment but he was not surprised, the world in Rushmore was more malleable than that of Atlantian Oceania, especially as of late. And that was perhaps why he was the captain of the Marauders, his eyes were open to the world and not focused solely in on what happened on the pitch and training grounds. Words were few enough, yet they mattered when they were spoken, and more often lead by example, but it was perhaps one of the many reasons that made him the perfect candidate over something like Faeron or Espy.

They all aided the side though, both physically and mentally, each in their own way. He knew that he was not the single leadership icon on the side, despite his status as captain, but he was the one who the side leaned on the most, who was needed at the most dire of moments when the side needed a massive lift. They were the supposed holy trinity of the side, a trinity that had grown together on the national team over the past forty plus years. All of them had more experiences and understanding of the game than most humans could have hoped to acquire in their entire lifetimes. Yet it was not enough to simply have it, you had to learn from it, use it to your advantage and better yourself from it. And then even if you did that, luck still needed to be on your side, to spare you from anything that might sweep you out your element, like a flu had done two years before in the AOCAF. Now though, now was the time to correct such mistakes of the past and focus solely on the pitch and the path before them.

by **Schiavonia** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:15 pm

Audioslavia wrote:
(Image)

After wearing their gold / orange home kits for the opening two matches of AOCAF 43, the Schiavone squad took receipt of a brand new set of white change kits from Barrengeka in time for their game against Audioslavia. Except, they weren't completely as they were expecting...

Tony Cueto was the first to notice.

"This is strange," he said, confused, "My shirt doesn't have 21 on it. It has a K instead."

Johnny Jones noticed the same - "Mine has a K on it, too."

Julio Howard noticed that his goalkeeper's shirt was wrong, too - "Mine has an N instead of a 1."

This was confusing the players, not least Kim Jones. Because, as she said, "At least I have a number. But it is a 0. And it looks as though Oliver has the same."

"Look team," coach Kenny Sanderson VI commanded, "They're the only shirts we've got. The ref won't let us wear our other kit, because they're too similar to their kit. So get yourself out onto that pitch, and try and salvage some pride. Don't lose by too many, alright?"

Inspiring words. But the team went out alongside their Audioslavian counterparts. They got out onto the pitch and lined up. And, though it didn't dawn on the Schiavone team, it had the rest of the stadium keeled over in stiches of laughter.

Lined up for the national anthems, the backs of the Sloth's shirts had been sequenced to read:

by **Kinitaria** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:52 pm

Group A
New Cloudsdale 4–1 Greater Watford @ Stadion "Dinamo", Paleu
Maklohi Vai 1–0 Kinitaria @ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Group A                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Maklohi Vai                3   3  0  0    4   0  +4    9  Q
2 Kinitaria                  3   2  0  1    5   3  +2    6  Q
3 New Cloudsdale             3   1  0  2    4   5  -1    3
4 Greater Watford            3   0  0  3    3   8  −5    0

Group B
West Guiana 2–0 Bonticello @ Arena Damacii, Damaciu
Naitpyge 4–6 Osarius @ Stadion Munisipaliya, Litora

Group B                     Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 West Guiana                 3   2  1  0    8   2  +6    7  Q
2 Osarius                     3   2  0  1   11   9  +2    6  Q
3 Naitpyge                    3   0  2  1    5   7  −2    2
4 Bonticello                  3   0  1  2    0   6  −6    1

Group C
Ibex 3–1 Kericia @ Ter Komunada, Kasmenai
Starblaydia 5–0 Saint Anne and Jacob @ Stadion Nasiyonala, Chyr

Group C                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Starblaydia                3   3  0  0    9   2  +7    9  Q
2 Ibex                       3   2  0  1    9   4  +5    6  Q
3 Kericia                    3   1  0  2    2   4  −2    3
4 Saint Anne and Jacob       3   0  0  3    0  10 −10    0

Group D
New Gordonopia 1–4 Vilita & Turori @ Stadion Proletare, Fule
Weimania 3–2 95X @ Stadion Universitii, Tirinthea

Group D                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts  
1 Vilita & Turori            3   3  0  0   13   5  +8    9  Q
2 New Gordonopia             3   1  0  2    4   6  −2    3  Q*
3 95X                        3   1  0  2    6   8  −2    3   *
4 Weimania                   3   1  0  2    5   9  −4    3   *
*New Gordonopia qualify ahead of 95X and Weimania on H2H GD

Group E
The Inevitable Syndicate 1–0 Furellum @ Stadion "Lumar Beqiri", Mi'ato
Perlasilangan 1–6 Valanora @ Arena "Spartak", Rexitova

Group E                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Valanora                   3   2  1  0   10   3  +7    7  Q*
2 The Inevitable Syndicate   3   2  1  0    3   1  +2    7  Q*
3 Furellum                   3   1  0  2    4   4   0    3
4 Perlasilangan              3   0  0  3    1  10  −9    0
*Valanora ahead of The Inevitable Syndicate on overall GD

Group F
Legalese 2–3 Florgania @ Stadion "Irin Kucinič", Lorceag
Lymryk Isles 0–1 Ko-oren @ Parc Četatii, Inovita

Group F                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Legalese                   3   2  0  1    7   5  +2    6  Q*
2 Ko-oren                    3   2  0  1    2   1  +1    6  Q*
3 Lymryk Isles               3   1  0  2    3   5  −2    3
4 Florgania                  3   1  0  2    3   4  −1    3
*Legalese ahead of Ko-oren on H2H points

Group G
Schiavonia 2–1 Audioslavia @ Stadion Orašii, Mi'ato
Preiva 2–1 Blouman Empire @ Parc Semnal, Avnani

Group G                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Audioslavia                3   2  0  1    5   2  +3    6  Q*
2 Preiva                     3   2  0  1    5   4  +1    6  Q*
3 Blouman Empire             3   1  0  2    2   3  −1    3
4 Schiavonia                 3   1  0  2    2   5  −3    3
*Audioslavia ahead of Preiva on H2H points

Group H
Farfadillis 2–1 Kjeligsted
Nellietopia 0–0 Thatius

Group H                    Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Farfadillis                3   3  0  0   10   4  +6    9  Q
2 Nellietopia                3   1  1  1    5   3  +2    4  Q*
3 Thatius                    3   1  1  1    2   5  −3    4   *
4 Kjeligsted                 3   0  0  3    1   6  −5    0
*Nellietopia qualify ahead of Thatius on overall GD

Round of 16 draw

Maklohi Vai v Osarius
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Starblaydia v New Gordonopia
@ Stadion Munisipaliya, Litora

West Guiana v Kinitaria
@ Stadion Viteanii Revolusii, Litora

Vilita & Turori v Ibex
@ Stadion "Irin Kucinič", Lorceag

Valanora v Ko-oren
@ Stadion Orašii, Mi'ato

Audioslavia v Nellietopia
@ Parc Četatii, Inovita

Legalese v The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Stadion "Lumar Beqiri", Mi'ato

Farfadillis v Preiva
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

by **95X** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:52 pm

95X 2, New Gordonopia 1
(Mitchell :23, Foureleven :52; New Gordonopia :39)

It looked simple on paper: if 95X defeated Weimania by at least three goals and V&T tied or held New Gordonopia scoreless, 95X would advance out of the group stage.

“You wanted to speak to me,” Marvin Stark said to Xi Foureleven in a room being rented as a team office, “and I understand it has to do with coaching and strategy.”

Foureleven stood there, handing Stark some ideas.

After reading through them, Stark puts them down, shakes his head, and looks straight at Foureleven.

“Do you know,” Stark says, “how many players provide me with viable team strategy ideas that doesn’t involve just them, but also includes the strengths of the other players?”

“I am likely the first,” Foureleven states with a straight face. “And I am likely the first national team player to do this.”

Stark considered the brilliance of the plan, when he noticed the evil smile on Foureleven’s face. He knew there was more to it than she was providing.

“Of course,” Foureleven says while smiling, “you do realize I know how to counter this strategy should you ever wish to use this against Oceanside during the regular season.”

As game time drew near, Stark explained the simple changes to the rest of the team, while Foureleven dodged dirty looks from the others that she was trying to take things over. Maybe it was her age, or her experience, whatever it was Foureleven seemed to deeply want to advance from group stage, but knew she would need everyone on the same page in order to have the chance.

by **Nellietopia** » Sat Feb 15, 2014 8:30 pm

Nellietopia Express Post Journal of Current Events Translated by Freaky Dudes

KINITARIA - This previous matchday, we've learned a few things about the world.

(1) Schiavonians wear ugly jerseys (but it apparently works).
(2) Xi Foureleven either makes a bad strategist or her teammates just don't share her character.
(3) Rushmore looks to be caught in the midst of some magnetic flux, attracting a lot of negative vibes (because they're so positive?).
(4) On a day when everyone decides to score tons of goals, Yafoties are enough to be thrilling encounters.

What is the Yafotie, you might ask? Well, it is the combination of two styles of play. On the one hand, there is a strong emphasis on a solid defense. Avoid conceding goals - that is the paramount priority. On the other hand, there is a particular need to bash one's head against a very solid object to numb the thought of attacking. When in possession of the ball, the ball must be squandered away, ten and ninety-three leagues away from the net. If successful, the tactical employment of a Yafotie strategy has the equivalent agony of scratching out one's eyes with 11M nitric acid while sleeping on a bed of prickly cacti, broken shards of glass, and half-rusted nails.

What was manifest on that day against Thatius was perhaps the greatest display of Yafotie since the original Yafotie of yore. The people watching were so bored that they all simultaneously broke out into a giant game of solitaire. The stadium announcer continually called for some missing kid named Kevin rather than call all of the action of the game, which was admittedly lacking. The referee took a nap between minutes 18 and 64, while the fourth official sat by playing with a paddle ball. In the end, after wasting 5600 seconds worth of life, the match ended a droll nil-nil draw, enough to send the Nellies into the next round to face off against Audioslavia.

In other news, Kinitaria was recently voted by Nellies as the second-worst vacation spot after Krytenia, which apparently no longer exists. Congratulations to Kinitaria for this most ignoble recognition.

by **Ko-oren** » Sun Feb 16, 2014 4:32 am

Readers' column:
Atlantian Oceania soldiers on, 16 provinces in second round

The Atlantian Oceanian State of Ko-oren barely won their last game against the southeastern Province of the Lymryk Isles. The State of Ko-oren will now advance along with Legalese Territory, where the latter will play the Inevitable Prefecture and the Greenblues will see the Special Elven Administrative Division of Valanora. Needless to say, it was a good day for Atlantian Oceanian football with 16 teams learning from their mistakes and 16 teams advancing to see who will win the next World Cup (because whoever wins the AOCAF might as well win AOCAF+Rest of the World).

With just 3 goals in 3 games, the State of Ko-oren's games must have been the most boring of all. The Local Council of Osarius is probably one of those administrative divisions you would like to see more of, with 20 goals in 3 games, and they will play the Province of Maklohi Vai.

Going into the final stage of the tournament, the Ko-orenite State team will probably try to beat SEAD Valanora, but I cannot really see how that would happen. Valanora's 3-5-2 is notorious for possession, midfield flooding and some dominating the other team. Ko-oren's 3-5-2 is something else entirely, with midfield flooding, like Vanorians, but also defending and trying to get rid of the ball as much as possible. Possession percentages like 20-80 are not out of the question, and the main question will be how many goals Ko-oren will concede. Which could as well be zero, because that happens frequently enough, but beating Valanora is something else. On the other hand, Valanora has not had a proper AOCAF finish since the 39th installment (2nd place). They are still ranked 3rd in the Atlantian Oceanian Union, though.

by **Farfadillis** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 11:50 am

Yes, yes; I finally got tired of silly titles. None of them were smart, funny, or anything. SO... yeah, no more titles. Also, it seems Farfadillis has stopped playing so well again. But, we finally defeated the Audioslavians... or at least something similar. Maybe the curse has broken? Eh... probably not, saying that is pretty much the same as when the Vilitans claim that defeating us under the name Vilita & Turori broke the curse.

The match was boring, I must say, but a win's a win. Kjeligsted started winning thanks to a goal by... Radford, I think? I don't know, I just know that in the fifth minute we were losing thanks to some unexpected couple of passes that surprised our defense (cause unexpected things surprise people). Still, we managed to come back thanks to a goal by Dandalleion in twentieth minute, and another by Terán in the fiftieth minute. So there went the match, we won and topper our group with a perfect score. And there's good news: Preiva beat Blouman Empire, which means we will be facing the lesser of the two possible opponents we could face! Plus we all know Blouman Empire would've thrashed us as has become usual, so it's good that they're not around anymore. I guess. No chance for revenge, though.

Now, about Preiva... I know almost nothing about them. The only thing I actually know is that they've got a striker called Joseph Calder. That's about it. I could give you all a preview and whatnot, but it would include even more lying and deceiving than usual, so I might as well not do that.

So, instead to keep you all entertained, I'm gonna give you a few... uhmmm... reviews of the teams that are left in the AOCAF Cup. Uh... yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

Ah, the Vaians. Yes, I know about them. At least more than I know about Preiva. They are by no means a bad national team (they almost made it to the World Cup last time around). They are an extremely defensive team, and will no doubt be a tough opponent for whoever they face. However, they're not completely incompetent when it comes to the attack, as their best player happens to be a striker. Tumo Makanopalani, who plays for Kiiarana City of Vilita, will be key for any goalscoring attempts coming from the Vaians. They topped their group with a perfect score, just like us, and even managed to defeat the hosts. That should be evidence of all I've said. It would not surprise me if they made it to the quarterfinals. However, they got quite unlucky, as topping the group meant facing Osarius for them. Osarius is a very potent national team, but they were thrashed by West Guiana, so Maklohi Vai has certainly got a chance of doing well. The semifinals might be pushing it, but the road does not look exceptionally complicated for them. The final, however, would be pushing it. I'd be surprised if they get so far. Winning the cup seems even more farfetched. Still, summing up, they're a more than capable national team, and they've got the weapons to make it somewhat far. Their defensive style should help them against better teams, as that can mean reaching penalties, which makes winning easier for them.

Osarius is a tough team, and it shows in the rankings (both KPB and AO rankings). The Firebirds are feared throughout the world, and not fearing them right now would be a mistake, no matter who you are. That said, they did suffer a humiliating loss against West Guiana, a team that is not particularly renowned, so one could argue they're not in their best form. Let's remember this is not their full-strength squad, too. It's just their under-25 squad, which does make a bit of a difference. They've not got Ezio Grassi in their lines and so their attack suffers a lot. At the same time, they still have got some talented players like McBride and Kane itching to show what they're worth, so writing them off for being young is just stupid. Plus our side is also very young, yet nobody writes us off. It would not surprise me too much if the Firebirds made it pretty far, maybe winning the championship, but their road does not look very friendly. They've got to face Maklohi Vai first, and they'll surely be parking the bus. Then? Starblaydia, most likely. After that? Current champions, probably. After that? Either Audioslavia, Valanora or us unless something weird happens. Still, the best has always got to beat the others, and Osarius has got the potential.

Starblaydia needs no introduction; everybody knows about the five-time World Cup winners. They've been in a bit of a downfall as of late, but they're still a team to be feared, and making it to the quarterfinals will be the minimum requirement for a team as skilled as this. Sure, the Starblaydis may only be a shadow of their former selves right now, but they're still to be feared, maybe even more than Osarius. They've got a few very talented players here and there, and every Farf will know of Ffion McAllister, the one who scared us a lot last time around. Yes, we did beat them last AOCAF Cup (and every time we've faced them, I believe), but football always allows for rematches. Still, facing them in a final seems very unlikely. They've got Vilita & Turori in their way after all. As a whole, the Starblaydi team is looking tough, as always, but just not as tough as you'd expect from a team coming from there. We'll see how they fare, but I'd be surprised if they did not make it past the round of sixteen, and making it to the semifinals is by no means impossible for this team. Reaching the final seems unlikely as they'll (most likely) have to face the incumbent champions, but they've been known to beat them in past occasions. A final match against Audioslavia and Valanora would be very fun to watch, but as said, it does not seem all that likely. A match against us would not be fun to watch for me, though. It would be more like tremendous suffering.

It's a surprise finding New Gordonopia here. I mean, they're an ok team and all, but they're not United Gordonopia, just a colony. Sure, their masters are a pretty good team (though they have failed to keep up with their first success), but I just can't see New Gordonopia making it very far to be honest. Still, very few people know that New Gordonopia is among the very few teams to have managed to keep a clean sheet against us after World Cup 63, which should show they're a pretty good team when it comes to defending (or at least it should indicate that we were not in our brightest day). Still, I know very little about them and can't give a final judgment, but that itself should show that they're unlikely to be a tough match for Starblaydia. It would be surprising to me if they made it any farther. If they reach the semifinals, I'll be even more surprised. If they somehow make the final, I'll already be going to church, I believe. If they happen to win the thing, I'm likely to visit Ruland. Something like that. So yeah, I don't believe they're likely to do anything more than reaching this stage, which should be considered a success back in New Gordonopia. Also, yes, I did type United Gordonopia instead of New Gordonopia in the picture. There's little difference beyond football power anyway.

An ok team, I guess, but nothing too special. I vaguely remember facing them once in AOCAF Cup 38, but that is it. They're unlikely to put up much of a challenge against the hosts, to be honest. They've got a few good players here, and there, but that is it, nothing really surprising. I can't even name one of their players, actually. I just know they're not a terrible team, and they've been around for ages. I don't recall them ever reaching the World Cup, though, that should show they're nothing too extraordinary. Meh, I guess they're good enough to be here, and that says something. Still, I don't believe they'll be able to make it to the quarterfinals, much less the semifinals. Making it to the finals seems almost impossible for them, and winning the thing is most likely out of the question. Not much to write about here, though, they're an average team at best and that's probably all you need to know.

The hosts are a pretty solid team, who seem to have left their traditionally sad history of bad luck behind are now looking at a whole new future, much brighter. They're now living up to the hype they created when winning the Baptism of Fire. They've got some pretty good players, like Kulisev and Mulkanov. Their biggest advantage, however, is being at home. Being at home means that they'll be even tougher than they were in the World Cup (may I remind you all Farves reading this why I say they were tough?). Reaching the quarterfinals shouldn't be hard for them, like, at all. I can easily see them doing that. However, they would be facing Vilita & Turori next. As good as they may be, I'd be thoroughly surprised if they managed to beat them. AND, if they do somehow beat them, they'd have to take on another tough team on the semifinals. And then an even tougher team on the final if they somehow win again. Very unlikely to win the thing, even if they're at home, but they're tough enough to make it to the quarterfinals and pose a realistic threat to the current champions.

Ok, first things first: I couldn't find a big enough flag. I think I found a worthy substitute, though. Still, though their flag may lie a bit, Vilita & Turori are the current back-to-back defending champions, which should show why they're very big candidates. They've got a few good players like the Kilpters, Rotropii, Milake, Makakio, Ylimaiina and the like. They're a team to fear. That said, I really don't see them winning again, I don't really know why. They're a very solid team and all, but winning the thing again with all the tough competition around seems very unlikely. They're obviously going to make it to the quarterfinals, and I believe they'll manage to win against the hosts too, but after that I don't believe they're able to make it much farther. I mean, reaching the final seems not very hard for them, and they're obviously the biggest candidates and all but... I... err... just don't see them winning. Don't ask why, I don't know why. Anyway, BOOOO Eel-Cat Things!

Now this is a terrible team. The evidence should be that I used Comic Sans to write "COWS" over them. Actually, they're a team of Ibexes and the like judging by the nation name (Ibex), but they're, like, the team the least likely to win, bar none. I'm surprised they've managed to make it this far, but they have simply because they were the least bad of three terrible teams. They're facing Vilita & Turori, and I'm more likely to bet on Audioslavia winning a final than to bet on them winning this match. Short description for a terrible team. Yes, harsh, but so is their government. What's more, I wouldn't find it strange if they started trying to kill me in secret or something.

Well, halfway through the teams left and I'm super tired... this might be all you see from me today, guys, though I might find the energy to finish the other half of the bracket (which happens to be way more interesting) today, who knows. If I do, I'll edit it in!

by **Audioslavia** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:11 pm

Bulls Blushing but Unbowed
Schiavonia strikes back after 'Knobjockeys' jibe

it was, so Andre-Luis Partico said after the game, merely a 'dead rubber'. Indeed, perhaps Audioslavia can even count themselves lucky on a day that saw Legalese concede three to Florgania and Blouman Empire, perceived pre-tournament to be outside bets for at least a semi-final, knocked out entirely by unheralded Preiva,

That, however, didn't stop Partico's outfit from looking decidedly silly. Perhaps even sillier than Schiavonia's literal outfit which, through a combination of a recent social media meme and an apparent interception of their team kit en route to the stadium, lined up with the phrase 'KNOBJOCKEYS' on their collective backs.

Audioslavia fielded a side featuring seven of the players who swept Preiva aside so comfortably on Wednesday night, giving debuts to McEighan, KD Johanssen and Intxausti while Salbatzailea was given a rare start in goal. Neither player had a say in Schiavonia's opening goal, which came by way of a far-post finish by Charlotte Chester, capitalising on an indecisive Bulls defence allowing a low Blige cross to run through the box uncleared. Zekani would level the score just four minutes later, powering a low-drive into the bottom corner after a cute Hudson-Blake flick had earned him a yard of space, but a wasted Zerubeltzak effort and two fine saves from Julio Howard kept the score at 1-1 at the break. Audioslavia would press in the second half, and maintain the lion's share of possession, but an alarming lack of cohesion in midfield, coupled with the Schiavone's adept defensive line, kept the score equal until the seventy-fourth minute when disaster struck for the men in claret and green. A break-away by Schiavonia, a Chester shot, tipped round the post by Salbatzailea, the resulting corner met with force by sub 'Strength' Bjørn-Morten Tomasson and powered into the bottom corner for 2-1.

The tiny nation of Schiavonia, beaten in their first two games back from the international wilderness, mocked by the Audioslavian media, had stuck it to the two-time World Champions, #3 ranked team in the world and self-proclaimed favourites for the tournament. The boys in red and amber may have been eliminated from the tournament - their opponents through to the second-round - but the future looks bright for the men (and women) who call themselves the 'Sloths'.

Audioslavia, meanwhile, will drag their carcass into a match with Nellietopia. The Bulls will enter the game as clear favourites, but whether the team have suffered a crucial blow to their collective confidence remains to be seen. All of a sudden, the straight march to an inevitable fourth regional championship seems very, very unlikely.

But then, as Partico has said before, it seemed similarly unlikely after his team back-to-back defeats in the first round of AOCAF38, and look what happened there.

by **The Inevitable Syndicate** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:21 pm

It seems that after I posted my last entry, Blatter blew up with questions for me. It seems that everyone thinks I've got the time to answer the pertinent questions in life, such as "What's your favourite pair of socks?", "What's your favourite book?", and "Fight me 1v1 on UICA 52 m8 I'll beet you proper good". That last one was quite the lucrative offer, and I'll be replying to him when I've got some downtime. But, the best question I was asked this week was the one below.

thatguywiththequiff: @EthanSinclair_12, what's the biggest mistake you've ever made?

Now, this is a good question. I've made many mistakes in my life, big and small, and to find the biggest took a little thought. I cast my mind back across my football career, and remembered great times such as the first time I played for Nostromo and tripped over my laces, or the time when I accidentally stole seven Saugeais Buns from my local bakery. However, I soon realised that none of those could compare to the time I went to Pacitalia on holiday.

I was thirteen, and a rebellious new teenager. I thought going to Pacitalia would be a right laugh - the weather's nice, there was a water park where I was staying, and the night life was something that, when I went back there aged 19, I'd never forget. However, this trip had a fatal flaw in it that I don't think I'll ever live down.

It was my fourth night in Murano, and I'd made friends with this great family from Pinehearth that were staying in the same hotel we were. The night time entertainment had just began, which I recall was a magic show, so my mother sat me and my half-brothers down to watch it. I got bored rather quickly, as I can't say I've ever been a fan of magic, and asked if I could pop to the loo. That wasn't the plan at all. The actual plan was to hop back up to my room and grab my Game Guy, so I could finish the level of Scarlet Avenger (anyone remember that one?) that I was playing at the time.

Unfortunately, when I got up to my room, the door was locked. A little deflated, I began to trudge back outside, when I saw a cleaner come out of the room next door. He was holding a bunch of cards. My thirteen year old brain kicked in here, and instantly thought "I should steal those cards and get my Game Guy!". This turned out to be the mistake. The cleaner noticed what I had done instantly, and shouted something to me in Pacitalian that I honestly don't think I'll ever remember. I made a dash for the lift, but it didn't come up fast enough, so I bolted it down the stairs. He followed suit, with a mop in one hand and a bucket in the other.

He continued to chase me as I came out of the building, and I ran past the stage where the magicians were doing their show. The cleaner bumbled after me, and I spotted the perfect escape route. I ran around the other side of the kiddie pool, and as he came around to get me I weaved around him and gave him the slip. At the point, my thirteen year old brain kicked in again, and said "Push him in the pool! It'll be funny!". So I did.

He went crashing in, and everyone saw me do it, and because it was a kiddie pool and wasn't too deep, he broke his arm trying to break his fall. Luckily, the man didn't press charges, but guess whose Game Guy got taken off of him for the rest of the month?

by **Osarius** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:41 pm

Jermain Lewis' banishment to the stands in the middle of the humiliating defeat against West Guiana very nearly had fatal consequences in Osarius' final group match against Naitpyge. Even with the experienced and acid-tongued Elissa Barca-Carthy at the helm. Even with the leadership of three former Osarius captains in the dugout. There was something lacking in the Firebirds' general performance.

But it had been showing before the Naitpyge game even started. It was showing during the West Guiana debacle. Even before the controversial sending off of teenage centre back Clemente Jaconelli on thirty minutes, the Firebirds were struggling. West Guiana had opened up a two goal lead when the Grasshoppers Turic defender raced back, and launched himself into a last-ditch tackle to prevent a third. The referee did not hesitate to brandish a red card and point to the penalty spot, sending Jermain Lewis into an apoplectic fit.

The fiery Fourgian's antics earned him banishment to the stands, leaving his young side -- already struggling, and now facing a remarkable uphill battle -- without their inspirational leader. His assistant, Elissa Barca-Carthy, made the immediate damage control adjustment, sacrificing Giorgia Caruso to bring in Irving Healy, and plug the defensive gap.

The knock-on effects, of course, were that the Firebirds' offensive line struggled. By the time they pulled a goal back in the seventy-second minute, the result was already decided.

Post-game, Jermain Lewis had few words. "It's madness. Clem won the ball cleanly, and the forward has just thrown himself over." The Osarius manager insisted. "I'm not going to accept it. It was a terrible decision and it killed the game."

When it was pointed out that his team were already chasing the game, and would have had a tough time of getting anything out of it anyway, Lewis replied with a scowl, "Sixty minutes if fifty-eight more than you need to score twice" before storming off.

The following day, AOCAF confirmed that Lewis' actions and comments had incurred punishment, and that the Osarius manager would be required to pay a fine and serve a one match touchline ban. Perhaps to rub salt in the wound, however, Jaconelli's red card was rescinded. "After reviewing the replay footage," an AOCAF spokesperson explained, "we have determined that Clemente Jaconelli's red card was excessive, and he will be available to play against Naitpyge in two days' time." That Lewis didn't commit homicide that afternoon might be considered something of a miracle.

It would not be any comfort to the Osarius boss to see the match against Naitpyge start much in the same vein as the West Guiana clash had ended. Ruby Fletcher, for all her ability, has been less than her best during this tournament. Early on, her questionable aerial ability was highlighted as she flapped at a floated corner, barely pushing it away from the head of a lurking forward. The second time, she was not so fortunate. Her decision to punch the ball away was not the wisest. Leaping through traffic, her punch didn't clear the box, leaving her stranded as the ball was tucked away.

While Fletcher was clearly at fault for the first goal, it would have been difficult to lay the blame at her feet for the second. The Hollybrent custodian did well to fling herself across goal to push away a downward header, only to be beaten at the near post with a tap in. Her frustration was clear, as she screamed at her defenders -- as did the assistant manager -- and booted the ball clear.

The Firebirds were reeling again, and needed something sharp. A kick. And Nathaniel Doherty provided. Wesley Kane's high cross cleared everyone in the box, for the Ponyville United winger to smash a volley into the roof of the net at the far post. Suddenly, the momentum had shifted, and Osarius had a foothold again. It didn't take long for them to make the most of it. Doherty again was at the centre of it, breaking free into the right channel onto a long ball, only to be caught from behind by a desperate challenge. Unlike Jaconelli's tackle, this one was certainly illegal, and the double punishment of red card and penalty was implemented. Captain Acosta waited patiently for the referee to dismiss all the protests, before confidently drilling the strike into the bottom right corner.

With a one-man advantage, Osarius pressed harder. Wesley Kane's corner was whipped in with speed, and after everyone in the box missed it, it was sliced in off a defender's shin at the back post. The Firebirds finally led, and looked to be firmly in control. Velásquez doubled the lead with a vicious strike from distance, before playing a perfectly weighted pass into the box for Caruso, who rounded the 'keeper to make it five.

At this point, Jermain Lewis' grim expression had softened up in the stands, and threatened to break into a smile. Threatened. The thunder returned to his face as Naitpyge pulled one back with a spectacular volley from the edge of the box, after Angelica Capiello had strayed from her man, and failed to close him down quickly enough. The threat of a comeback, while unlikely, seemed to loom large over the heads of a young Osarius squad, teeming with fragile egos and seemingly quick to lose confidence.

When Naitpyge reduced the deficit to one with a low strike through traffic in the eighty-fifth minute, that Ruby Fletcher was late to react to, the tension in the stadium was palpable. A nervous final few minutes awaited Lewis' [or should that be Barca-Carthy's? - Ed.] team, and there was a noticeable decline in attacking intent as the Firebirds cowered in their own half, clearly afraid. Whether it was fear of the prospect of failing against ten men, or the backlash they'd face in the dressing room in unclear. And also ultimately irrelevant.

Wesley Kane, the youngster who has promised much but not quite delivered yet, took off on a mazy run, beating three players before curling a beautiful strike beyond the goalkeeper to cap the result and secure victory, just seconds before the final whistle.

If there is one thing Jermain Lewis can be pleased about in that roller-coaster of a game, it's that his side are certainly capable of scoring goals. Even without the prolific talents of Ezio Grassi, the Firebirds are a potent offensive force, and they will need to prove it yet again in a few days time when they face Ishmael Walker's Maklohi Vai team.

Lewis and Walker were briefly acquainted on international duty for Osarius in the 2170s, and again while studying for their coaching badges some twenty years later. While Lewis has nothing but praise for Walker's coaching methods -- having seen him function as part of the overachieving World Cup semi finalist side a few cycles ago -- Walker is less than complementary of Lewis. Though Walker did not go as far as to outright criticise the Firebirds manager, he did seem to hint at a lack of discipline being a common theme in the Osarius camp in recent months.

Walker's Maklohi Vai side are well-known for their discipline -- as were Osarius under the Sahota-Walker management team, incidentally -- and staunch defensive play. Caruso will need to be at her best if she intends to bamboozle the well-drilled, experienced Vaian backline. If she can't, Osarius may well be heading home early.

by **Ibex** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:28 pm

"Have you come to tell me the news, Squire?" asked Emporor Shang Lér, sitting upon the gilded throne deep inside his Cathedral/Bunker in the heart of Xi'antler. His once fabulous silver coat has turned as white as sun-bleached sand over the many years; a true oddity among his kind, as not many Ibexes could claim a long enough life to reach such a stage.

The much, much (much) younger messenger nodded as he rose from the customary addressing-the-Emporor kneel. "Yes, Your Highness. I come bearing both the good and the bad."

"As always, young one. Let us deal with the bad first, lest it ruin the good."

"Very well. The Governor-General of Xi'antler has voiced concerns that the city is reaching its population limit; we are projected to reach a citizen per two meters squared in just six months."

The Emporor waved a hoof off to the side, causing an aide to rush over and pull down a map of the nation from a roller on a nearby wall. "Will advocating emigration to the other cities help? Surely Isllamabad and Tibuck could afford some space for our excess citizens."

"The Minister of Logistics said neigh. The other cities report similar conditions, albeit less urgent. It would only be a temporary bandage."

"You have already conversed with the Minister of Logistics? Did he impart any useful wisdom to you?"

"He mentioned the possibility of expansion. There simply is not much habitable land left in our deserts; an expansion of our borders would surely help ease the population burden."

"Of course it would. However, the powers that be in the Atlanian Ocean may not be too fond of us expanding, as we could not push our current borders without resorting to violence. We could expand to the south without too much outcry, but I doubt adding yet more desert to our territory will be worth fighting the warlords squabbling over the remains of Ahlenfi. At least, at the moment."

"The Minister foresaw these objections, and offered a peaceful alternative: the barren islands north of Audioslavia."

"Barren Islands? What are you referring to?"

"There is a large island located north of Audioslavia and south-east of the Septen Isles, with several smaller islands nearby. Some refer to it as the Broken Islands, as they are often seen unfit for human habitation; however, scouting reports indicate it may be perfectly suited to our kind. There should be little objection as the land is coveted by no-one else, so it would serve as an excellent colony."

"Brilliant! Consider this idea to have the Imporial stamp of approval. Has he formulated a plan to get the settlers to the island?"

"Not as of yet, my Liege."

"Ah. Well, report back to the minster that his idea has been approved, and tell him to get to work on the logistics. That's in his job title, after all."

"Shall we discuss the good news, then, Your Majesty?"

"Ah, of course! It must have slipped my mind."

"The football team has made it out of the group stage of the AOCAF!"

"Ah, excellent! Who shall we be playing next?"

"Vilita and Turori. It will be a tough game, surely, but I believe our team can pull through. However, one report written by a Farve has become very discussed of late, where the author labels us as cows and declares us by far the worst of the remaining teams, and proceeds to directly insult your government! To think a simple sports journalist would have such nerve."

"Ah, but it is merely the ramblings of someone who wishes they had a real influence on the world. There is no reason to pay such sensationalism mind."

"He also claimed that you were likely going to have him stealthily killed."

"Oh, really? Well, then he's just asking for it. However, it may do some good to show that we have no subtebly when dealing with dissidents when there's an example to be made. Send in the Sazakh*."

"I shall see to it."

*The Sazakh are Ibex's not-so-secret police force. Very fond of machetes.

by **Valanora** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:21 pm

"Ko-oren? Are they... any good?"

"Well, they consistently send teams to the AOCL, I know that much. With my work with the VFA, I always have to look up how they are doing in the UICA rankings in order to provide seeding information to the AOCL organizers. At any rate, they are not bad, though I would definitely not put them as likely winners of the tournament. They could possibly upset the Marauders, but I think our side are playing too well to let themselves be knocked out at such an early stage."

"That is pretty true, The Inevitable Syndicate was fortunate to draw us and the other two matches showed more or less the traditional Vanorian might. Do feel a bit sad for the last opponents though, seemed like alright fellows and their newness to the international arena. All the same, we had to win by as much as we could to earn the group title and hopefully easier match up in the second round. I am sure they understand, still, scoring six on a side is bound to leave a bitter taste in their mouths when they come up against us in future competitions."

"Like Audioslavia scoring four on us in the first World Cup we ever took part in, for both matches? Ah it was a bit glorious though to humiliate them upon one of their return into the World Cup, a dish served cold and waiting for years. Though with their recent titles compared to us having gone on a drought, you could say at the moment that they have the last laugh in that regard."

"Perhaps, yet it is in their history to become one of the best, they did not get to all those Finals and lose just by sheer luck. They have a history of turning out good players who are worthy of winning championships, just like Starblaydia. This entire region is full of upper echeleon sportsmen and women, some more so than others granted, which is why it is one of the best regions in the world. Constant having to keep yourself on edge and on the up and up for fear of your rivals catching up or even surpassing you. We've all seen it and that is why it is imperative that good performance in this AOCAF is not enough, but a great performance."

"Which naturally means we would need to win the title and finally fill in that vacant slot in the trophy case."

"Precisely."

"Still, Ko-oren, they sound funny and give me the goosebumps. I would feel better if we were playing Starblaydia to be honest, at least we know what to expect out of the Purple Peril and it is always a great match when we lock up. Makes me miss those times when the Marauders and the Starblaydis fought over the World Cup trophy like it was only for us two to share."

"Years long past and much more competition now. Competition that includes Ko-oren, who the Marauders ought to beat, especially with that dominating midfield of ours. Keep it away from the Ko-oren side and the pressure off the backline, it should be an easy task."

"If only it were so, the defense is our eternally Achilles tendon."

"And that is why the possession game has been slowly been worked into the Marauder style over an all out attack. It just needs to start paying dividends in every match instead of most of them."

by **Kinitaria** » Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:52 pm

Round of 16

Maklohi Vai 0-0 Osarius
Maklohi Vai 1-0 Osarius AET
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Starblaydia 3-0 New Gordonopia
@ Stadion Munisipaliya, Litora

West Guiana 2-2 Kinitaria
West Guiana 2-2 Kinitaria AET
Kinitaria win 4-3 on penalties
@ Stadion Viteanii Revolusii, Litora

Vilita & Turori 1-0 Ibex
@ Stadion "Irin Kucinič", Lorceag

Valanora 2-1 Ko-oren
@ Stadion Orašii, Mi'ato

Audioslavia 3-0 Nellietopia
@ Parc Četatii, Inovita

Legalese 1-0 The Inevitable Syndicate
@ Stadion "Lumar Beqiri", Mi'ato

Farfadillis 2-0 Preiva
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

Quarter-final draw

Maklohi Vai v Starblaydia
@ Central Stadium, Mi'ato

Kinitaria v Vilita & Turori
@ Stadion Viteanii Revolusii, Litora

Valanora v Audioslavia
@ Stadion Republikana, Serenberg

Legalese v Farfadillis
@ Stadion Orašii, Mi'ato

by **Vilita and Turori** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 6:14 am

Eel-Cat Things Stay Perfect

Vilita & Turori 4 - 1 New Gordonopia

FULE, KINITARIA :: Nycflala Kater kept his Vilita & Turori Eel-Cat Things in an aggressive 3-4-3 formation as they rounded out the group stage with an important 4-1 victory over New Gordonopia.

While the defending AOCAF Champions were clear favorites going into the match, the reality of the situation is that if New Gordonopia had managed to defeat the Eel-Cat Things, and had 95X managed to win, as they were expected to, against Weimania - Vilita & Turori could have fallen to the third position in the group and failed to advance to the knockout round.

There would be no scares for Kater's crew however, with Turorian midfielder Inlite Makakio scoring early on a cross from Purapal Eskiiy to give Vilita & Turori a 1-0 lead, putting New Gordonopia in a familiar position: Chasing the game.

It was a curious case for the players on the other side of the pitch, and there was a little confusion when Vilita & Turori attempted to mark or disrupt the play of their opponents. The New Gordonopia Kits were a dark blue/green combination with Black numbering and the lighting situation ensured that the numbers were indistinguishable from their shirts. To make matters worse, the players had no names on the back of their shirts and every last one of them looked as if they were straight out of a test tube - that or they were one big happy family of New Gordonopia siblings - every last one of them indistinguishable from the others.

Just as Vilita & Turori thought they were heading into the locker room with a 1-0 lead, however, a mistake while defending a corner kick by Strike FC attacker Enluta Makakio resulted in a penalty kick for New Gordonopia. There was to be no magic save from Zelkki Milake and with only 3 minutes until half time, there was no real opportunity for Vilita & Turori to regain any momentum to try to retake the lead before the half.

Nycflala Kater was not prepared to make any changes to his side at half time, instead looking to let the current group of players regain their confidence by retaking the lead.

They did just that 6 minutes into the second half and once again it was Makosile United midfielder Inlite Makakio finding the back of the net, putting Vilita & Turori up 2-1.

From that point, the Eel-Cat things dominated the second half, never letting New Gordonopia back into the match. Nili Ylimaiina and Inamara Altariiz, a 58th minute substitute each added goals for the Eel-Cat Things who would run off as 4-1 winners, propelling them into the knockout rounds once again.

	New Gordonopia
:: Goalscorers :: :: 4' Inlite Makakio :: 51' Inlite Makakio :: 66' Nili Ylimaiina :: 75' Inamari Altariiz	:: Goalscorers :: :: 42' Some New Gordonopian :: :: ::
:: Best Player: Purapal Eskiiy :: Worst Player: Enluta Makakio :: Shots on Target: 8 :: Corner Kicks: 15	:: Best Player: Some New Gordonopian :: Worst Player: Some New Gordonopian :: Shots on Target: 3 :: Corner Kicks: 4

Vilita & Turori Eel Cat Things ::
[GK] Zelkki Milake, [D.] Amarini Baracelv, [D.] Inaosnaa Klanoa, [D.] Endur Rotropii, [ML] Lopaki Kilpter, [MC] Purapal Eskiiy, [MC] Inlite Makakio, [MR] Kigaoua Oalalka, [FC] Kaivel Illatara, [FC] Nili Ylimaiina, [FC] Enluta Makakio
BENCH::
[FC] Inamari Altariiz, [FC] Lboaisa Akarelm, [M] Vliela Lianksa, [M] Dalian Magagula, [U] Kamarul Zaman, [D] Tlikao Muratai, [GK] Sharif Deniibo

Vilita & Turori Substitutions::
(58) - Kigaoua Oalalka >>> Inamari Altariiz
(73) - Enluta Makakio >>> Lboaisa Akarelm
(74) - Nili Ylimaiina >>> Vliela Lianksa

by **Farfadillis** » Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:34 pm

And to the quarterfinals we go. Preiva was a tad harder than expected, but experience and skill ended up doing the trick for us, as Kâí and Dandalleion scored in the fiftieth and fifty-eighth minute to sentence Preiva to elimination. Pretty good match for us. We're still in the competition with a perfect record, and we are capable of reaching the semifinals for the fifth time in history and the third time in history. If we do, surely the fifth time's the charm?

But let's talk about our opponents - talking about the match against Preiva is pretty boring... mainly because we face Preiva. We're facing the Inevitable Syndi - Wait... what? Really? Ah, my bad. Well, turns out the Syndicatians screwed up and so we're facing Legalese. As much as Legalese may not be a bad team, this does kind of surprise me. The Legalites should be a tough challenge too, nonetheless.

This is awkward... I had all this commentary planned for the Syndicatians. Ah, well, let's analyze Legalese and come up with things as we go along.

They've got a pretty good goalkeeper in the form of Tarquin Waldrop, though he does seem to fluke at times. I imagine they're at least somewhat safe when it comes to the goal line. Dandalleion, Terán, Kâí, Tuzzio, Fôx, Mêndêlöíndçêl and Roga will have it hard when taking shots. Hmm... come to think of it, we've got a wide variety of player who are at least small threats to goalies.

Then they've got an ok defense. Benson Black, Kenny Straud, Jeff Donaldson, Gruffudd Masters and so on. I mean, they're good, good enough for these standards, but I just don't see them working really well as a cohesive unit. They conceded three against Florgania for a reason, after all. I believe that if Terán is in a good day, he'll be key to ousting this defense. I just think he's the exact kind of player to counter their defense: one that cannot properly be taken care of if the defense does not work as one. Man-on-man marking certainly wouldn't work on him, we all know that. I also believe Dandalleion will be key, provided he gets assisted by the midfielders, which I believe is not a huge requirement considering the players that surround him.

After that they've got a pretty attacking midfielder, which seems to be just as weak as ours on the flanks (when it comes to defending, obviously, I love you Kâí and Fôx). Cloman is a young defensive midfielder who is likely to get overworked when facing both Tuzzio and Terán. Another reason why the key might be Terán. After that, their centre midfielder is easily their star. Cyrus Damhan is likely to be our biggest problem, and I'm not exactly sure of whether Mêndêlöíndçêl can properly handle him, specially considering how he's probably going to be moving all along the pitch's width to stop Brahm and Wayne as well, and they're not bad players. Yes, this will be yet another match in which we overwork our captain. Thank God he can still get the job properly done (which is to say, he can slow down the opposing attack and prevent lots of goals, but he won't make the defense one of iron).

And then up front they've got Boyle and Oxboro. Naturally, they're going to cause a lot of problems, just as every striker does. I seriously think we're damned to having a terrible defense for ages if our culture keeps being like this. People, defenders are not that boring. And we need them. Stop frowning upon them!

But anyway, the key, as I said, is likely to be Terán. Their key player will be Damhan. We'll see how it all turns out. I must admit I'm a bit confident, but we'll see. The Legalites are never an easy team... though I can't recall ever facing them. I just know that despite traditionally not being a very surprising teams (qualifying five or six times to the World Cup in countless attempts) they have posed a threat to many teams. Like the Syndicatians. Those bastards.

Also, the other quarterfinal of our bracket. You'll want to watch it. Valanora against Audioslavia. If we win against Legalese, getting to the final will be very hard.

But surely the fifth time's the charm?

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