Futsal World Cup II - Rosters, Roleplays & Scores

[Jeruselem]

OOC - Jeruselem actually don't play naked, we've never said that. It's just the Jeruselem women don't wear a lot of clothes and tend to be naked.

Response to Letter of Appeal to the Jesselton Hosting Committee for Futsal World Cup II from Bozztonia

We don't what these Bozztonians have been smoking. Our 8-4 win over Bozztonia was not done with our players playing naked like Qazians used to do. If you review the game, we were actually wearing clothes during the game. Yes, there was some nudity with players changing on the bench but all our players were clothed when we playing on the field.

We contend the Bozztonians were under the influence of funny substances during the game. Jeruselem teams do not play naked. Actually if you look the game, the Bozztonia team were on another planet. They were acting weird and seeing things that were not there like naked Jeruselem girls. The video evidence of the game is clear.

I think before the game, the Bozztonians were drinking too much of something. I've got video of them sitting around drinking and acting like idiots. Obvious this affected their game against us as some substance in their drinking bottles which look more like beer bottles to me, is responsible. I'm not saying some of our team were naked at some stage, as some of the girls changed in the bench and they don't care if people watch them. But when we played on the game, we were wearing clothes.

Oh, the strong lights might have had an effect with our team strip. The strip tends to go semi-transparent with water and articial lights. However, it does not go totally transparent and hence we cannot blame the lighting for this nudity.

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas

[Bozztonia]

Response to Jerusalems response

1) If you look naked you are just as off putting as if you actually were

2) Smoking is banned (All dubious substances have to be ingested alternativley)

3) Our drinks bottles look like beer bottles but are in fact a highly nutritious beverage distilled from hedghog kidneys (hedghogs being our national animal they are not killed but go into hedghospital to have a kidney removed under anaesthetic) Unfortunatley sometimes this brew can be affected by mad hedgehog disease(similar to mad cow disease but only temporary ).This may explain our strange behaviour.

4) We would like a gender test on Heidi Ho and have photographic evidence due to transparent/invisible kit( Although any gender may play our players could not stop gossiping about her/him and did not concentrate.

5) Could I have Heidi's phone number

[A-Stan and The Yoro]

The MacMurdo Half-Sun
A look at The ANY Band

If you recall, that in yesterdays article we mentioned that the Antarctistan and The Yorozuyan Football squad would be having a band, and the Futsal World Cup II would be the testing ground for this band. Well "over night" we were bombarded with e-mails asking to know more about the band. Why it's here, why it's "needed", why did they buy so many seats, and: where do babies come from? So we'll attempt to answer most of them.

Why is it here? The 'A'-squad had much fun near the end of the World Cup Qualifiers, during that time there was a party around every game, and they want to make that regular, so they petitioned the AFF for the band, and other things. The band's only one part of it all.

Why it's "needed"? It's needed because it is.

Why did they buy so many seats? The Futsal World Cup will also count for tryouts. Thinning the 10,000 applicants to around 1,000-1,500 final band members.

When will they play? They will play before and after games and during the half, after goals and after bookings for the opposition or other major events. Also, If there's a break for the other team to try to distract the opposing attacker. However the Halftime, pre and post-game slots might be given to guest bands some times. As for which games they'll play at, they will play at all Antarctistan and The Yorozuya games, regardless of location, however some games not in their own country will have a dramatically less presence.

What will they play? They will play compositions like the one featured yesterday on the online edition, but they will also play some instrumental rock. The marching type compositions will be more for post goal, and red card type events.

Where do babies come from? When a mommy and daddy.................

Hopefully this has educated you a little more about the band. We will keep you updated on this and other projects. For now, this all we have though.

[Jeruselem]

To: Bozztonia Futsal World Cup II Whatsit in Charge
From: Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas

1) There's a difference between nudity and people in slightly transparent clothes. For real nudity at a football game, please look at some Qazox World Cup football games.

2) Smoking was a suggestion your team was affected by some weird substances which you have just verified in your response.

3) Please ensure quality control of your hedgehog liver juice in the future. It is concerning you have allowed your product to be consumed without prior screening of this mad hedgehog disease.

4) I assure you Heidi Ho is a genuine female. If you desire, she's willing to come around to meet the Bozztonia Futsal World Cup II team in person to prove this. She is willing to be naked to prove she is a woman and not a man. It doesn't matter if a team member is male or female in this cup anyway, it is not unisex competition.

5) Ask Heidi herself, I'm not her mother.

[Cafundeu]

FOUR SCORED, TWO SUFFERED - TYPICAL
Solid victory comes even with some individual errors

Four goals against two. That's a nice scoreline. Not something that you would classify a performance as spectacular, or a win as brilliant, but a result that usually satisfied the supporters and gives the winning team a solid result and the points. And that was the scoreline of the first game involving the Cafundelense Black Toucans against the futsal team of Franberry, some place I've never hear abour, but which team isn't a bad one actually. After all, if we believe we have a top team, then our opponent played with decency to lose by two goals. But did this happen the way we are commenting here? Well, somewhat. The Black Toucans don't have the same fame of the Monopolists, and this seem to be justified by the fact they aren't as good. But the team has talent. Sometimes too much talent and few efficiency, I'd day, with the players wanting to impress everyone with smart and technical moves, as nice dribbles and complicated passes, which hardly reach their destined targets. When they do, the crowd can't avoid an "Ooooohhh!" of admiration, but most times they do an "Aaafffff!" in disappointment. And that's how the Cafundelense team is playing: too nice moves and few efficiency.

During the game against Franberry, the Black Toucans managed to control most of the ball possession, with time to set up the attacking moves. Lucas Vale and Diego Gastão, the younger players of the starting team, attempted many cool dribbles, but few shots at the goal. This until Franberry scored, defeating the strong goalkeeper Barrabás. Losing the game, it was up for the captain Luciano to bring some order in the Cafundelense team, creating more concrete chances and scoring twice, giving the victory to Cafundéu until halftime. But, when both teams returned playing, Franberry once again took advantage of the many wrong passes of the Black Toucans to tie the match. Sheik then scored the third goal of the Cafundelenses with a good individual play, and Luciano scored his third, giving the victory to Cafundéu. As it was said at the beginning of this short article, a satisfactory victory, which shows that we have a good team. But we couldn't avoid to get worried at the fact that some of our players seem to enter in the court to do a show, instead of battling for a win in a futsal game. If things continue this way, our coach Danilo should do some line-up changes.

[Sibirsky]

Likas, Jesselton (SP) Sibirsky Pulverized by Albundania
At the 2nd Futsal World Cup, the Capitalizt expected to do better against equally unranked Albundania. It didn't happen. Fellow UFSC Alliance members Albundania brought their soccer legend Martin Simpson to the tournament, who seemed to inspire the team. He did some scoring as well. Albundania had four goal scorers, three of whom had two goals each, to Sibirsky's just one goal by Wade. 7-1 was the scoreline. It happened early and often. Albundania took less than two minutes to get on the board. It was a pathetic display of defense. As if that loss, to an unranked team wasn't bad enough, our second game of the tournament is against the current world #1, and defending Futsal World Cup Champions, The Macabees. We don't know, perhaps the Macabees can set a world record for the number of goals. They easily defeated unranked Andrewboy 6-3. But after the Albundania game, the team seems to have lost the will and desire to play. We certainly hope they can get a spark, an inspiration, we just don't know where it can come from. No other team lost nearly by as large a margin. The biggest winner (other than Albundania) was Jerusalem with an 8-4 win over Bozztonia. We wish the Capitalizt luck.

[Bozztonia]

TANGERINE TIMES
Late Edition

The heroic soldiers of Bozztonia Futsal hope to march to an impressive victory over Franberry in tonights match.A large win bonus has been put up by the Bozztonian government believed to comprise of a brand new Lamborari GT and 5000 snots ($1 = 2,356 snots) which is just enough money to fill the tank at todays prices.

As an extra incentive Antonio Corleone has promised not to break any players legs if they are victorious.

Oh and if Heidi Ho is reading this could you meet Napoleon Da Gusto behind the stadium after the game.

[Jesselton]

MATCHDAY 2

GROUP A
Casari 6-2 Jerusalem
Iglesian Archipelago 4-1 Cafundeu
Franberry 3-5 Bozztonia

Code: Select all

 Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Casari                     2   2   0   0    8    2    6   6
   2  Iglesian Archipelago       2   1   0   1    4    3    1   3
   3  Jerusalem                  2   1   0   1   10   10    0   3 
   4  Cafundeu                   2   1   0   1    5    6   -1   3
   5  Bozztonia                  2   1   0   1    9   11   -2   3
   6  Franberry                  2   0   0   2    5    9   -4   0


GROUP B
The Macabees 6-3 Sibirsky
The Babbage Islands 5-5 Albundania
Euro-trash 2-2 Andrewboy

Code: Select all

 Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  The Macabees               2   2   0   0   12    6    6    6
   2  Albundania                 2   1   1   0   12    6    6    4 
   3  The Babbage Islands        2   1   1   0    8    7    1    4
   4  Euro-trash                 2   0   1   1    4    5   -1    1
   5  Andrewboy                  2   0   1   1    5    8   -3    1
   6  Sibirsky                   2   0   0   2    4   13   -9    0


GROUP C
Jesselton 6-7 Taeshan
Antarctistan 5-7 Euroslavia
Swartaz 3-4 Kenavt

Code: Select all

 Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Kenavt                     2   2   0   0   11    7    4    6
   2  Taeshan                    2   2   0   0   14   11    3    6
   3  Jesselton                  2   1   0   1   12   11    1    3
   4  Euroslavia                 2   1   0   1   11   11    0    3
   5  Swartaz                    2   0   0   2    8   11   -3    0
   6  Antarctistan               2   0   0   2    9   14   -5    0


GROUP D
Nouvelle Rhodes 0-11 Somewhereistonia
Queer Poco el Mono Ara 2-7 Delaclava
Connar Republic 3-4 Docky

Code: Select all

 Pos  Team                       P   W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts
   1  Somewhereistonia           2   2   0   0   16    2   14    6
   2  Docky                      2   2   0   0    9    7    2    6
   3  Delaclava                  2   1   1   0   11    6    5    4
   4  Nouvelle Rhodes            2   0   1   1    4   15  -11    1
   5  Connar Republic            2   0   0   2    5    9   -4    0
   6  Queer Poco el Mono Ara     2   0   0   2    6   12   -6    0


[Taeshan]

X Island Inquirer

Well it was a close game, but in the end the Ghetto Warriors did come off the field with a big 6-7 victory of the Jesselton National Team, the hosts of the 2nd Futsal World Cup. The game was close, but on a late goal the Warriors would be able to pull out a big victory and avoid the big upset. It was very close throughout the game and in the last few minutes, tha game was very interesting and tense as both teams tried to end the tie in the late minutes. It was very fun to watch from a fans percpective, and in the end it was a very nice game overall.

Yen I Xeda team scoring leader would have loved the game, if he had been able to play the whole game. After a nice goal early on to tie it at 1-1, he was injured on a nasty slide by a Jesseltonian, the player would only get a yellow, but the Jesseltonian coach seamed to give him more of a lashing taking him out for most of the game. Ludwig Hennicke would be superb in gaol, and kept the Warriors in it after a few early Jesselton goals made it 4-1. The Warriors battled back with 2 Amy Delgado and 2 Wilmeris Guteris, but they then conceded to more. A Hana~O Xusan goal would tie it, and in the 3rd to last minute of the game Petr Chevchenko in for Xeda would winthe game with a goal.

[Andrewboy]

Andrewboy gets draw vs euro-trash
in todays fustal world cup match. darwing 2-2 with euro-trash. The ANdrewboy fustal fans are happy enough with the result but are anxious for the next match and hopeful that andrewboy can satch a place in the scond round

[Jesselton]

Iqram Murtaza
President of Jesselton
88, Champion Road
House of Cantek
Kepayan

Official Statement from the President of Jesselton Regarding the Ongoing Second Futsal World Cup

First of all, I am very happy to see Jesselton hosting a big event like this. This chance doesn’t come very often and we are very glad to take this chance with open arm. We would like to welcome all 23 nations to our loving and peaceful country. This is a big opportunity for us to show the world that we are able to do things. This is an opportunity for us to show that socialism works.

2. However, I am very sad to notice that there are some uncivilized people trying to create chaos during this event. These things are not going to be tolerated in Jesselton. We have been a violence-free nation for a long time and we don’t want to see some uncivilized people destroyed that tradition. The recent unnecessary riot started by some uncivilized citizens of Andrewboy will not be taken lightly. After a thorough investigation from the Likas Police Department, we have identified 86 people that were involved in that incident. All of these 86 people are from Andrewboy and they will be deported straight back to their home country. These 86 people will also be ban from entering Jesselton forever. The government of Jesselton has also given a stern warning to the government of Andrewboy of their citizens’ violence conduct. Any other unnecessary things created by any Andrewboy citizens will result a ban for their citizens to enter Jesselton. We hope this is going to be a lesson to everybody involved in the event. As for now, the other innocent citizens of Andrewboy are still permitted to enter their remaining matches in Jesselton.

3. This riot caused by these uncivilized people has make some of the contingents worried especially The Macabees national team. We would like to assure every nations participating in this event that their contingents are safe here.

4. We have also received a formal complaint from Bozztonia regarding the non wearing kit by Jerusalem players. We don’t see this as an issue. First of all, I don’t really know what the Bozztonian saw but as far as I’m concerned, I haven’t seen any naked Jerusalem players on the court during the game. Secondly, almost 20% of Jesseltonian are nudist. We don’t see any problem with that. What people want to do with their body is not something that others should interfere with especially the government. And most importantly, our own national team is playing naked since we enter the international sporting arena. Nobody has ever complaint. I see this complain as a sign of “lack of respect” from the Bozztonian officials to the Jesseltonian.

5. We hope that this event will run smoothly and we hope everybody will enjoy this event. Good luck to the participating team and have fun in Jesselton. When I say have fun, I mean FUN. We have the best beer in the whole Calania. We also have a lot of good looking men and women out there. Not even the men and women from Krytenia, Starbladyia and Unreal229 can beat ours. To make things better, the pubs are open 24/7.

Thank you,

Signed
Iqram Murtaza
President of Jesselton

[A-Stan and The Yoro]

A memo from Manager Jake Roberts

We lost. They know it, we know it, I know it, the fans know it. Face it we lost. Get off your cloud nine and come back to earth. Your not invincible. Then again I know you knew that. It's time we get our minds of the past though. It's time we think about the future. No, not the next game. No, I'm talking about the big show. The qualifiers. After all, that's why you're doing Futsal, to get your legs warmed up for the big show. Now I know I shouldnt tell you this but each of you are on the A squad. So congratulations on that.

Thats all for today's memo, tomorrow's will contain a game analysis and a game plan for next time. Until then good night and good luck.

[Docky]

Another victory for Docky
It's such a shame we weren't in the first tournament, as Docky seem to have a talent for Futsal. Another victory for Docky means they have a 100% record after two games and are 2nd in our group. Docky grabbed a 4-3 victory over the Connar Republic and it was another close game, both of Docky's matches have ended in a 1 goal victory. Sadly, Somewhereistonia grabbed an 11-0 victory against Nouvelle Rhodes, so are flying far above Docky on Goal Difference. Meanwhile, Casari in Group A are leading by three points, and are the only team in the group to have a 100% record in the 2 games. It is a similar situation in Group B, as The Maccabees have 6 points from the first two games, and Albundania are 2 points behind them in second. Finally in Group C, Kenavt and Taeshan are joint 1st on 6 points, and Kenavt are only ahead by 1 goal on goal difference, so that is shaping up to be a close one in the group with the hosts Jesselton. Can Docky qualify from Group D and go all the way?

[The Babbage Islands]

Lots of excitement here in Jesselton at the futsal World Cup! About 80 hooligans from Andrewboy went on a nasty spree at the hotel where The Macabees team were staying. There have been all kinds of protests and official stuff, and I know that our security has quietly been tightened up. No details here, though, no sense in encouraging any rowdies out there.

Then there is the whole thing about people running around naked or almost naked everywhere, including on and around the court. It seems weird to us, coming from a country where over 99% of the population claim a religion. I don't think it affected us during the 5-5 draw with Albundania, mostly it's just a subject for chat in down times. Some of my teammates find it all rather sinful or worse, but we're professionals and that's not our business here. We may be a religious people, but we also have a very strong tradition of civil freedoms -- and this is another country.

Back to the match. Scoring five goals and only getting one point is a bit disappointing. Sure, we had two starters out with the stomach crud, as Jenifer Jervis and Sue Allen both have it now. Phyllis Reeves got three goals for us, and Francisca Ballesteros and Gaby Schoß both scored. But we really didn't do enough to stop the Albundanians from getting good shots on Doreen Herzog. She's a better keeper than she was allowed to be tonight.

I hope this stuff isn't too contagious, or we may have a problem. Futsal rosters aren't very large, and even two people out sick is a lot!

Oh, and one of Richard Valdemar's assistants (he's the FFB general secretary, the top man in Babbage international football) met with Phyllis after the match. She's not talking much, but she looks happy. I think that she'll get that offer I mentioned, she sure polished her credentials in this game. Yes, I know, futsal isn't exactly football. But it's not as though she has no record (two championships, eh?) on the pitch.

We'll try to get back on track next time, its not enough to score if you don't play defence. But I'm confident that we'll be there when it really matters, and we are still unbeaten this round. Later, folks!

[Casari]

"Hey, are fireworks legal here?" Peter Westenhouse said as he changed after the team practice between matches, giving each and every one of his teammates, coaches, and assorted team staff an involuntary shudder.

"Why... why do you need fireworks? You saw all those videos in school of mangled limbs and stuff." Meia Eskandi replied, shuddering again.

"Oh, those are just scare tactics to try and get kids from understanding the fun of fireworks through graphic violence. Hell, you enjoy any other explosions, who knows how many people show up each and every time they collapse a building. Explosions are awesome, and so are fireworks."

"You know, I'm pretty sure there's something in your central contract forbidding fireworks." James said, leaning against a locker, looking slightly broken like all other coaches forced to babysit a team of Casaran players who aren't overly condusive to the act of babysitting.

"I tell you, first they ban the booze, then they ban the junk food, now they ban the fireworks, it's as if they don't expect us to take care of ourselves at all!"

"Well, they don't trust ANYONE to take care of themselves, not since that incident with water balloons filled with Mustard."

"Well, back when Hil-"

"If you finish that sentence I will punch you in the back of the head."

"Bu-"

James cracked his knuckles and moved to stand, as James slumped, silent.

"Well, I don't expect someone wants to go pick up a twelver and relax then." Meia mumbled.

"Hey, let's get going!"

-----

"Owowowowowow that bastard stepped on my foot owowowowowowowowow." Kate repeated, over and over, squirming in her spot on the bench as one of the physios examined the trod-upon foot.

"There's nothing seriously injured." the physio announced, nodding at the coach.

"Good! I'm going to go back out there and kick that bastard in the back of the knee-"

"Kate, shutup." James said, standing and moving in front to obscure her view of the ongoing game against Jerusalem, which was then at a 4-1 Casari lead and not one the coach was willing to throw away just yet. "Just sit and calm down a while.

"Hey, Hi-"

"I will have the physio come back and cut that foot off at the upper thigh if you don't shut up right now."

"You know, Nina Leir was an accomplished international with a cybernetic leg."

"Oh, that's just a rumor."

"No, really! I've seen pictures."

"Huh. Anyway, I hope you can afford one." James said, the last half of his comments being obscured by a roar from the crowd. Spinning, he saw Peter in the middle of his slightly spastic looking goal dance, the score now sitting at five-one, and started clapping and shouting encouragement, before slumping into his seat, looking a little pale.

"What's wrong? Isn't scoring good?"

James sighed. "Now they're all going to want fireworks."

Kate shuddered. "Well, if they blow a hand off, they can play without it."

Jame snickered. "Ok, go back in for Ross. NO KICKING KNEES."

"Yes, Commander." she replied with a mock salute.

"Ugh, I hope that doesn't stick." James muttered to himself as Daniel Ross trotted off the floor before the kick, flashing a salute.

"Not likely, sir."

[Sibirsky]

Likas, Jesselton (SP) Sibirsky Manhandled by The Macabees
Interestingly, the Sibirsky national futsal team played better in their second game. It was not enough however as world #1 and defending champions The Macabees ran circles around them, winning 6-3. Jaun C. Wade had 2 goals and Eduardo J. Arnott added another, but it was not enough as The Macabees scored early and often. It took just 3 minutes for them to score their first goal, and they kept up the pressure. Wade later stated that he can see why they are the champs and ranked #1. "Although Albundania beat us worse, I think, we just weren't used to their style. It was our first game, and we just weren't ready. Against the Macabees, we really played tough, and were better prepared. They're just so much better than us, it didn't really matter." Up next, is another tough match, as the Capitalizt play the 2nd best team in the group The Babbage Islands. The Babbage Islands, interestingly played to a draw against Albundania. Perhaps Albundania, is better than expected. They are currently 2nd in the group, with the Babbage Islands 3rd. Thanks to big losses, the Capitalizt are last. We wish the Capitalizt luck.

[Albundania]

Miracle after Miracle!

We actually tied TBI, an amazing feat for a team which seems content to upset teams that should have an easy chance against us. Now TBI is included to our list, with a 5-5 tie. Carrasco got hammered, another sign of his aging, allowing Ballesteros and Schoß from scoring a total of five times on our keeper, keeping Liszeo on his feet all game. Simpson took up the slack on the offense though, giving TBI a fight for their lives with a total of four goals scored, and Luis Green responsible for the assists on three of those and for his own unassisted goal, where he juked out three players and took a shot from about 16 yards out for a goal. Unfortunately, our team has it's first injury. Luckily, we've started to fell in the bench and Miguel Amilio shall be joining the squad as a sub. Just in time, as Luis Green actually played the last 8 minutes with a broken toe, and still managed an assist. However, Amilio shall be taking Green's spot for the next two games while Green gets in better shape. This is a set-back which will seriously hamper Albundania's effort at making a lasting mark upon this tournament. Liszeo, however, was quite apologetic after the game. "I should've played better, and I apologize to my fans," he said in the post-game news conference. "My performance was lack-luster at best and it is my fault, not Carrasco's, that we lost. I shall give it all I have in the next game, and I sincerely apologize to all of our fans, and of course to our team." Albundania do however sit in the two position in the group, which is quite an upset. Our alliance mates in our group fared worse then us however, Sibirsky lost to the Macabees 3-6, which was quite expected, but puts them at the bottom of the group, and Euro-Trash tied Andrewboy 2-2. This is Albundania's Football Network, giving you the news from Jessleton. Back to the A league news, where Lemanskigrad United striker Roy Rankin will give us an interview on his team's success.

[Bozztonia]

The threat of leg breaks seemed to work for Bozztonias fledgling Futsal team as they gathered there wits together and earned a deserved victory against Franberry(who incidentally wore kits).Not distracted by the sight of dangly bits Bozztonia passed the ball well and were comfortable victors.We have decided to withdraw our appeal against naked Futsal players but would like it be known that we are not happy as the managers mother in law is in attendence at all games and is giving him a really hard time about the shocking views on display.Any way on to the next glorious victory and let it be known BOZZTONIA is going to win this tournament or you are all in serious bother........

[Jeruselem]

Marie: What's the problem Shay?
Shay: People keep on asking me if you're my mother.
Marie: Get used to it, people have trouble telling the difference between Dallas girls.
Shay: They should do their research first.

Marie: People are lazy m*th*rf*ck*rs sometimes.
Shay: Yes, people should think before they open their mouths!
Marie: Them dirty Casarans ...
Shay: Yes, it was a bit of dirty game.

Marie: I'm surprised no one got badly injured out there.
Shay: Still, it was pretty rough!
Marie: Borderline dirty tactics, typical Casarans.
Shay: They seemed like grabbing the shirts of our female team members.

Marie: That's because the girls don't punch people out.
Shay: I don't want to hit people.
Marie: Well, if that was me ... they'd be very careful. I don't tolerate crap from anyone.
Shay: People seem very careful with you.

Marie: The last person who annoyed me as some drunk Jeruselem dude wanting a fight thinking I was a imp.
Shay: What happened? Mind this happened a long time ago.
Marie: I beat him with this own flag.
Shay: Well, some of the Casaran guys ... asked for phone numbers.

Marie: Typical
Shay: Most of girls on this team are single sluts
Marie: Except me, I'm married.
Shay: Those Bozztonians fancy Heidi Ho.

Marie: They are really weird.
Shay: I heard the manager's mother-in-law follows the team around.
Marie: That's just as weird.
Shay: They just want to party and have a good time.

Marie: I think the Bozztonians complained only because that mother-in-law.
Shay: They weren't actually complaining when we were playing.
Marie: Exactly
Shay: Speaking of nudity ...

Marie: Don't we have a Naked News thing coming up?
Shay: I'd better get ready then.
Marie: Actually, don't the local team play naked like Qazox used to do?
Shay: I think so.

Marie: We'll be fine then.
Shay: Too many whingers out there.
Marie: Yes, and I can't stand people who complain about nothing.
Shay: Yes, people should stand for their morals or shut up

Marie: Where's Heidi?
Shay: Apparently, with some idiot from Bozztonia called Napoleon Da Gusto.

[The Macabees]

“Getting By”

Another match, another haphazard game played by the men in the Second Empire’s National Futsal Team. The Golden-Whites managed another 6–3, giving them all six points available to them thus far, while extending the shadow over the predictions on their own future. This was the same squad which Albundania had managed to ravage 1–7. To be fair, at least the Golden-Whites are “two and o’”, but getting through the group stage is one thing and being competitive during the knock-out rounds is completely another. But, they seem confident enough, especially as tonight they face Euro-Trash. A win would virtually guarantee placement for the team in the knock-outs, before playing the two more difficult opponents in the group (Albundania and Babbage Islands). Hopefully, this excitement and confidence will translate into an elevated form of play, as a massive win would also restore confidence in the team’s fans who were hoping for shut-outs and ridiculous score lines. But, this has always been a notable characteristic of Macabee sports; that is, a team’s lethargy and its apparent objective of making its future as muddled as possible by playing close to the edge. Under these circumstances, the team has normally played better than the fans originally thought they would, but they never won a major tournament, either. Four years ago, the futsal team blew almost every single team out of the water (except the return leg against Taeshan). That is what fans are looking for now. The Golden-Whites, in futsal, do not have the luxury of being a second-class squad. They are world champions, and people are looking for them to play like world champions.

The squad’s manager was quick to jump to their defense, again, “Like I made clear last match, we are not interested in expending all of our energy in these first games. Our opponents in the knock-outs will be much more complicated, and so we need to be at full strength when we get there, otherwise we run a greater chance of losing. We are doing the necessary to get by and into the knock-outs. We have much more to lose than other teams, which is why they have the luxury to put everything they have into utterly destroying their opponents. Our fans, and our enemies, should not read too much into our actions so far. We are one of the strongest teams in the tournaments, if not the strongest, and our “marginal” victories are not marginal, at all. We have led comfortably throughout both games, and there is little threat of us losing. I think that people should let us do what we do, because we’re the ones who won the title four years ago.”

Also, it should be considered that Sibirsky had just come out of a 1–7 defeat against Albundania. They were looking to make up for their horrific failure during the first match, and they did perform rather well during their second game. Indeed, it had not been the Second Empire they might have even won.

[Jesselton]

MATCHDAY 3

GROUP A
Jerusalem 9-4 Franberry
Casari 3-3 Cafundeu
Iglesian Archipelago 4-5 Bozztonia

GROUP B
Euro-trash 5-7 The Macabees
Sibirsky 1-7 The Babbage Islands
Albundania 10-3 Andrewboy

GROUP C
Kenavt 4-10 Taeshan
Antarctistan 4-5 Jesselton
Swartaz 3-3 Euroslavia

GROUP D
Somewhereistonia 5-4 Docky
Queer Poco el Mono Ara 4-2 Nouvelle Rhodes
Connar Republic 4-2 Delaclava

[Albundania]

Madness?

Martin Simpson is now officially a God. 6 goals in 40 minutes, being the reason behind it. It was domination of Andrewboy as we won 10-3 in a 40 minute game of Godly football, Amilio was a good reason for this. His jukes quickly had Andrewboy on their knees, and let Liszeo have an easy game, which also happened to be his best game yet. Even better than the game against Sibirsky. He stopped everything that came at him, and only the skilled Bansworth managed to beat him, and only on five occasions. With our bad luck though, all five of those chances resulted in great strikes, and Carrasco only managed to get a blocker to two of them. Justin Carrol did the rest of the scoring, making a beautiful four goals. This quick update brought to you by the Albundanian Football Network.

[Taeshan]

X Island Inquirer

For all the hype that surrounded the game last night between the Kenavt Purple Pirates, and the Taeshan Ghetto Warriors it proved to be just that, hype. The two evenly matched on paper, and tied for the group lead were expected to fight it out to the end in game 3 of the Futsal World Cup 2, but you always have to remember that the game is not played on paper and thus anything in the known world can pretty much happen. The expirienced Tae team smashed the Pirates 10-4 in the game, the first part of a two game series eliminating all speculation as to the posible frontrunner in the group.

It was close throughout the first half as the 4 Warriors goals would be matched by the Pirates. Yen I Xeda back after a small strained elbow in game 2, pumped in all four of the goaks maki9ng KLenavt pay for the las game, but Captain Ludwig Hennicke would not be able to capitalise on the good offense letting in 4. The second half though was a different story, after Xeda scored a Double Hattrick Amy Delgado nalso found the net twice, and the final two goals would come from Petr Chevchenko and Hana~o Xusan in the later minutes. The Warriors now control their own destiny in the next 7 games, and should look to be the favorites in the tournaments later stages.

[The Babbage Islands]

(Original text lost due to editing mishap! Sorry!)

[Bozztonia]

TANGERINE TIMES
Late Edition


Another victory for the ever improving minnows of this tournament Bozztonia over here in Jesselton. A narrow 5-4 win over the Iglesian Archipeligo who although being seeded were expected to triumph it always looked like Bozztonia would emerge on top.Two goals by John "Johnboy" Johnson and a second half hat trick by Bertollini "Bert" Giaccomo Lapisssetti Asti Spumanti Spaghetti Jones was aleys going to be enough even though the Iglesians scored a couple of flukey goals in the last minute. The defence is going to have to concentrate till the final whistle in future games. The only down side today was the form of Napoleon Da Gusto who was awful even though he played the first half with a wistful smile on his face he was heard to be singing love songs and mumbling something about Heidi Ho when he was subbed by Sid "Supersub" Goggins who lived up to his name and performed admirably in the second half.
Interviewed after the game boss Sir Alf said that Napoleon will be under a curfew of nine PM and would be chaperoned by Tony "Rubbish but his father is rich and sponsors the team" De Beers as his energys had obviously been expended in non Futsal directions.
Good luck to the boys in their next encounter with Cafundeu who most would expect to triumph but the Bozztonia boys are beginning to believe in themselves and it would be foolish to underestimate them.

GROUP A
Jerusalem 9-4 Franberry
Casari 3-3 Cafundeu
Iglesian Archipelago 4-5 Bozztonia


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Casari 3 2 1 0 11 5 6 7
2 Jerusalem 3 2 0 1 19 14 5 6
3 Bozztonia 3 2 0 1 14 15 -1 6
4 Cafundeu 3 1 1 1 8 9 -1 4
5 Iglesian Archipelago 3 1 0 2 8 8 0 3
6 Franberry 3 0 0 3 9 18 -4 0