Ninth Handball World Cup (RP, Squads, Scores)

by **Ancharmunn** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:16 am

Morning Herald

Near flawless preparation disappoints organising chairman

With the revived Handball World Cup set to be hosted in Ancharmunn one might have been excused for having the impression that all is going well. Confident declarations that Ancharmunn is ready to welcome the world (and dreamed hamsters) have certainly made it look like that all is going to plan.

Not so according to Teague Healy, the chairman of the Handball World Cup Organising Committee. His opening gambits may suggest otherwise, but for Healy it seems the preparations couldn't have been any worse.

“It's gone absolutely perfectly, the people working to get this tournament ready have all gone above and beyond their station to ensure that nothing is left to chance. The athletes and fans are going to arrive here from around the world to be greeted by fantastically courteous and friendly helpers and the teams are all going to be thoroughly looked after.”

“It may all sound perfect but it's the exact opposite. Aside from one notriously unreliable foreign rag there's been no suggestions from foreign media that Charmunnry supporters will beat people up for being a bit foreign. They won't of course, but there's still nothing like stirring up a bit of tension leading up to a tournament is there?”

It's not only the lack of negative appraisals of his countrymen that has had Healy down, but also the on time and under budget rennovations of the venues to be used. “They've all been done exactly to plan and earlier than the deadlines. I even tried flooding one by leaving a tap on overnight but when I got into the office in the morning I found an email saying that they'd found a leak and had fixed it already! What's a tournament like this if taxpayers can't have a good whinge about their money being poorly spent?”

Perhaps the final straw for Healy though is the fact that such efficient has meant little for him in the way of the public eye. “I mean really, if you look back through the whole process my name has only been mentioned by the media a handful of times. There's been absolutely no problems for me to come out and insist really aren't problems and that everything's going to be fine.”

Even Ancharmunn's notoriously dire railway network seems to have got in the way of Healy's desire for problems.

“That's just it really.” comments Healy, “When even the bloody trains are running on time you know it's all going smoothly. I was hoping to get the Tynealan presidency on the back of this World Cup, but when I can't even build up a public persona by criticising the shoddiness of the trains what chance have I got?”

by **The Babbage Islands** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 10:36 am

The Babbage Islands Squad
Ninth Handball World Cup

Starters

Pivot: Sigbjörn Eymundsson, Montreal Sasanachs (Cotdelapoms)
Left Wing: Consuelo Lucio, captain, US Charlevoix (Cotdelapoms)
Left Back: Juan Ortiz, St. Valentine's University
Centre Back: Thomas Sinclair, US Charlevoix (Cotdelapoms)
Right Back: Mauricio Briones, US Charlevoix (Cotdelapoms)
Right Wing: Bastien Dubois, Cap Nordique Guillemots (Cotdelapoms)
Goalkeeper: Angela Young, Babbage Academy of Engineering

Backups

P Oddgeir Finnson, Outremont Kodiaks (Cotdelapoms)
LW Stefani Collins, Dickinson College
LB Gaspar Sala, Universidad de Santa Catalina
CB Grímur Steingrímsson, Kingston Griffins (Cotdelapoms)
RB Heinrich Brandt, Babbage Academy of Engineering
RW Emilio Acosta, Universidad de Santa Catalina
GK Eric Dunwoody, Ensign Peak Military Academy

Coaches

Aaron Christopher, 46, former head coach at St. Valentine's University.
Tommy Wilkinson, 32, former assistant at Babbage Academy of Engineering.

Notes

Seven players including five starters play professionally overseas. The other seven play at university. Three (Lucio, Young, and Collins) are women. All are between ages 21 and 30.

The top player on the squad is undoubtedly Lucio, captain at Charlevoix and still smarting from a loss in the Bernier Cup final after a dominating regular season run. She's exciting, athletic, and fond of converting impossible angles into goals. Sinclair, a one-time sports broadcaster before taking a flyer on a SuperLigue tryout, is a very astute playmaker. Ortiz and Young faced off against each other in the BCUAA collegiate final, with Young making a spectacular stop of Ortiz in the final seconds to preserve a one-point win. Now they're playing together.

Permissions

Don't kill or grievously injure anyone. Otherwise it's all good.

by **Carmadin** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 1:35 pm

Carmadin National Handball team:

Coache: Fahndur Gaehraw

Starting VII:
Pivot: Thayrow Haehdur
Left Wing: Jakur Psheht
Left Back: Kihndohli Paeshoht
Center Back: Ahldahmn Pahdee
Right Back: Soymii Jahkur
Right Wing: P'zurt chehk Maejaw
Keeper: Ahlaehzhaht Kahlehtuu

Subs:

Pivot: Kehlandjch Ahsahd
Left Wing: Pohkahleet Jahmehn
Left Back: Hurdurmur Cheshaht
Center Back: Thoyjur Mahktpyu
Right Back: Faklklh Pohndur
Right Wing: Keh'h'h'kahn Mohch
Keeper: Qauru Pahn

Undoubtedly the pinnacle handball team in the nation, this team was assembled when news of the Handball WC came around. It was thought that, as handball is a rapidly rising sport in Carmadin, that the World Cup would be an excellent kickoff to the professional league that will soon be established, the Carmadin Handball Premiership. While the CHP will never rival the SuperLigue in terms of an international audience, and indeed will be fighting to gain footing in Carmadin, with much of these players wishing to move and play outside the CHP. Every one of these players is not yet attatched to a CHP club, and is free to play abroad nudge. nudge. hint. hint. While favorable results are not expected at the World Cup (OOC: won't be able to RP at all), the motive behing Carmadin's participation is to show Carmadin audiences the high level of play outside the borders, and hopefully spur the fastest-growing sport in the United Provinces forward even more.

Permissions:
As I won't be able to RP, please do choose my scorers, injure my players, give them fouls. All I ask is that you not end their career just as it starts.

by **Cyborg Holland** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:45 pm

A Stranger in a foreign land: The Story of Thayrow Haehdur

Today, at the Sports & Recreation Deparment office at Paritzburg University, a strange, dark man dropped his kit bag outside the door and knocked politely on the glass. A solitary "come in" rung from inside the office, and he slowly turned the handle and walked in.

The Sports Director of Paritzburg University Rune Aaldenberg stood up from his desk and shook the mans hand.

"Nice to finally meet you, Thay- They-?"

"Thayrow"

"Ah...I see...well, I'm glad you managed to make the trip here, I'm sure you're going to be very comfortable in our country, but the weather may be a bit colder!"

Thayrow nodded his head, understanding the general gist of his words, and thought it was best to just nod. Rune continued to talkand Thayrow just continued to nod. He had no idea what he was saying, as he spoke quickly and in a certain eastern dialect, not like the Amzterdam Dutch in the book which Thayrow had flicked through on the way to Paritzburg. He didn't like the small, cramped university and town, he prefered the countryside, and the handball court of course. He longed to leave the cramped office and start playing handball, but that would have to wait, as the Varsity season still had 3 weeks till its next season.

After another 5 minutes of Rune explaining his lodgings, local traditions and customs, and how stuff would generally work with him being the first ever overseas player to play in the Varsity league. After this, Rune put his hand on Thayrow's shoulder and said

"Don't worry kid, you'll do great for us"

And with that, Thayrow left the cramped office, famed for it's view of brick walls. He turned to walk down the hallway, but hesistated for a second; stopping in mid-stride. But then he continued back down the hall.

(Part 1 of 3)

by **Free South Califas** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 3:26 pm

With apologies to Astograth, here is the first page of the RLStates signup thread for the 1938 World Men's Handball Championship. Note, this is in a wholly different universe than the RLStates forum which Asto RPs.

Thousand Year Reich wrote:
OK RLStates, I know we've never had one of these, but we all had fun at the Berlin Games, and I'm itching to show off my big, strapping lads again. Perhaps they can play in their gold medals?

Besides, the stupid Olympic Committee is considering leaving handball off next time. I HOST A GREAT TOURNAMENT AND LET NONE DARE SAY OTHERWISE. I swear to God I will burn them down. Anyway, we had better get a championship going here so we can all sig heil at the eternal champions, the perfect Aryan Men. We had six teams at the Olympics, so I'm shooting for six signups here.

All games will be at the Deutschlandhalle in Berlin. No Jews.

Signups: 2/6
Germany
Austria

Austria wrote:
We'll be back to defend our silver. So excited! What is it, 1937 in your timeline?

Thousand Year Reich wrote:
Thanks for your interest, friend. Our governments and our people should get nice and close over the next few years, what do you think?
You almost got it, it's actually 1938. So I guess you could call this the 1938 World Handball Championship.

United States of America wrote:
Uh...Sorry, there's just no way this will work. We have a lot of Jews. You think I'm gonna RP Congress telling American Jews not to go see our handball games? Nuh uh, ain't gonna happen. Have your stupid cup, it doesn't mean anything, Nazi scum. Let's see if they even let you into the WA.

Thousand Year Reich wrote:
What a fool! How dare you insult the Master Race?! You're not welcome in Germany anyway! THE THIRD REICH WILL RULE FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!
Better watch that fancy statue you got there

Eretz Yisrael wrote:
Heh...let's see how that works out. See you in II, buddy.

Thousand Year Reich wrote:
Shut up, no one recognizes you.

United States of America wrote:
Thousand Year Reich wrote:
Shut up, no one recognizes you.
You better watch yourself or things are gonna get ugly.

by **THRILLEDGE** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:18 pm

The Thrilledge Dreadlocks National Handball Team

Head Coach: Donny Rummel

Starters
GK: Joel Wilcox
RB: Kyle Newlon
CB: Jeremy Kingsbury
P: Scott Luciano
RW: Glenn Culver
LW: Russell Conti

Bench
GK: Alan Hutchings
RB: Todd Lewis
CB: Aaron Zimmerman
LB: Keith Greene
P: Shawn Dykstra
RW: Dennis Soloria
LW: Marvin Keaton

RP what you'd like just don't injure my players.

by **Ancharmunn** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:19 pm

Let's get this show on the road with the first matchday's cutoff. Scores coming up shortly, in the meantime here's a video of someone supposedly getting excited at Olympic handball!

by **Ancharmunn** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:28 pm

For the record the tiebreaking criteria will match that used in the 2011 World Men's Handball Championship which was;
Head to head points
Head to head goal difference
Head to head goals for
Goal difference
Goals for
Drawing of lots

Group A
The Jahistic Unified Republic 23–26 Licentiapacisterra
Prusai 27–29 Civil Citizenry
Mapletish 24–30 Passo Tonale

. Group A                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Passo Tonale                        1   1  0  0   30  24  +6    2
2 Licentiapacisterra                  1   1  0  0   26  23  +3    2
3 Civil Citizenry                     1   1  0  0   29  27  +2    2
4 Prusai                              1   0  0  1   27  29  −2    0
5 The Jahistic Unified Republic       1   0  0  1   23  26  −3    0
6 Mapletish                           1   0  0  1   24  30  −6    0

Group B
Anollasia 22–23 The Holy Empire
Vettrera 21–28 Boriem
Maron 25–24 Rennidan

. Group B                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Boriem                              1   1  0  0   28  21  +7    2
2 Maron                               1   1  0  0   25  24  +1    2
3 The Holy Empire                     1   1  0  0   23  22  +1    2
4 Rennidan                            1   0  0  1   24  25  −1    0
5 Anollasia                           1   0  0  1   22  23  −1    0
6 Vettrera                            1   0  0  1   21  28  −7    0

Group C
New Republic of Egypt 23–32 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Taijan 24–21 West Tyland
Cotdelapoms 33–21 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

. Group C                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cotdelapoms                         1   1  0  0   33  21 +12    2
2 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec         1   1  0  0   32  23  +9    2
3 Taijan                              1   1  0  0   24  21  +3    2
4 West Tyland                         1   0  0  1   21  24  −3    0
5 New Republic of Egypt               1   0  0  1   23  32  −9    0
6 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega              1   0  0  1   21  33 −12    0

Group D
Camwood 18–34 Daehanjeiguk
Krytenia 24–39 Free South Califas
Carmadin 24–32 Hakkland

. Group D                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Daehanjeiguk                        1   1  0  0   34  18 +16    2
2 Free South Califas                  1   1  0  0   39  24 +15    2
3 Hakkland                            1   1  0  0   32  24  +8    2
4 Carmadin                            1   0  0  1   24  32  −8    0
5 Krytenia                            1   0  0  1   24  39 −15    0
6 Camwood                             1   0  0  1   18  34 −16    0

Group E
The Babbage Islands 24–24 Polar Islandstates
Darmen 27–22 Yesopalitha
Equestrian States 26–24 Thrilledge

. Group E                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Darmen                              1   1  0  0   27  22  +5    2
2 Equestrian States                   1   1  0  0   26  24  +2    2
3 Polar Islandstates                  1   0  1  0   24  24   0    1
  The Babbage Islands                 1   0  1  0   24  24   0    1
5 Thrilledge                          1   0  0  1   24  26  −2    0
6 Yesopalitha                         1   0  0  1   22  27  −5    0

Group F
Michael VII 23–24 Taeshan
Lymantatia 28–18 Saer Republic
Thatius 29–33 Urszag-Csatoria

. Group F                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Lymantatia                          1   1  0  0   28  18 +10    2
2 Urszag-Csatoria                     1   1  0  0   33  29  +4    2
3 Taeshan                             1   1  0  0   24  23  +1    2
4 Michael VII                         1   0  0  1   23  24  −1    0
5 Thatius                             1   0  0  1   29  33  −4    0
6 Saer Republic                       1   0  0  1   18  28 −10    0

Group G
Cyborg Holland 34–27 Slembana
Saugeais 27–25 Falconfar
Vamprican-Krumbian Confederacy 24–32 Mark50

. Group G                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Mark50                              1   1  0  0   32  24  +8    2
2 Cyborg Holland                      1   1  0  0   34  27  +7    2
3 Saugeais                            1   1  0  0   27  25  +2    2
4 Falconfar                           1   0  0  1   25  27  −2    0
5 Slembana                            1   0  0  1   27  34  −7    0
6 Vamprican-Krumbian Confederacy      1   0  0  1   24  32  −8    0

Group H
Liventia 31–26 Megadia
Sicoutimont 35–24 Conservative World
Ancharmunn 28–29 Union Isle

. Group H                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sicoutimont                         1   1  0  0   35  24 +11    2
2 Liventia                            1   1  0  0   31  26  +5    2
3 Union Isle                          1   1  0  0   29  28  +1    2
4 Ancharmunn                          1   0  0  1   28  29  −1    0
5 Megadia                             1   0  0  1   26  31  −5    0
6 Conservative World                  1   0  0  1   24  35 −11    0

by **Taijan** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:46 pm

Code: Select all: PRESS RELEASE--FOR IMMEDIATE DISCLOSURE A SOLID START FOR LE VERT The anticipation was almost palpable in Freeport today as almost two thousand people gathered outside United Park to watch the handball match between Taijan and West Tyland on the big screen, as big a crowd as ever seen at a live United match. Across the city, and at other such viewing stations in cities across Taijan, cheers erupted as the very first Taijani handball team ever took the court. In a country where sports are often held up as evidence of strong regionalism that hinders national progress, the entire population has managed to come together behind Joshua Cho and his handballers, at least for this tournament. The match started out slow for Le Vert, as the team came out in a primarily defensive formation that yielded few goals and proved too unwieldy to prevent West Tyland from taking an early lead. Halfway through the first period, however, an impressive deflection by goalkeeper Rasmussen sent the ball directly into the path of Joshua Cho, who drove in for a fourteenth-minute goal that would prove to be the turning point for Le Vert. The remainder of the game ran like clockwork, with both teams scoring at regular intervals until another play change allowed Taijan to take another lead in the fiftieth minute. Cho went on to score eleven points for Le Vert, thus setting a Taijani record in international handball. "We played great," Cho told Licentiapacisterran news media after the game, "I mean, I can't complain, but we're going to have to play just as well against the New Egyptian Republic and Quebec if we want to have any hope of advancing." Cho strategically left out the team's opponent after Quebec, defending Olympic champions Cotdelapoms. "This was exactly how we need to play. Fast, smart, aggressive. If we can keep up this standard, and only if, we have a good shot at advancement."

by **Daehanjeiguk** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 8:52 pm

It was remarkable just how awful they were and still managed to win. Park Song-Gil was very much the reason why the team were so strong. But what caught the coaches off-guard was their liberal (almost obscene) use of non-hands to move the ball. For starters, there lots of heads. At times, it was tennis, so fluid were their movements on the ball in the air (even though it probably would have been easier to move the ball around while dribbling and running). But it was perhaps the oddness of their style that caught the opponents off-guard, as the Han whipped 34 goals on an unsuspecting Camwood. Perhaps even more disturbing - given the recent implementation of civilian movement restrictions (aka curfews) - was the baffling chorus of crickets that swamped to watch the Han play. Ancharmunn officials were still trying to figure out how to sell tickets to the little buggers. As for the match itself, the coach didn't like what he saw, but rather than mope about how awful the Han truly were, he decided to hone those rather odd talents.

"Okay, so you boys (and girl) don't like to play with your hands. That's fine." He paused as the players lined up for practice before their match against Hakkland. They were dripping with water, because someone started a fire in the stadium, releasing the water sprayers. Unfortunately, someone thought it would be a nice prank to fill the water system with kerosene, so they had to shut off the pipes. Fire authorities were still conducting the arson investigation while they stood out in the pouring rain (thank goodness for that - otherwise the practice facilities would have burned to the ground!). The coach continued his banter. "But we are not going to use our feet no matter what the circumstances. You can do anything but use your feet."

The coach reached into his bag and pulled out a long stick. It was not obvious how the stick fit into the bag, especially since the stick was longer than the bag itself. Moreover, no one remembered packing a stick into the bag. Nonetheless, the coach was standing there with a stick in his hands. It seemed that he was going to rely on ancient Han coaching methods. "If you use your feet, I will hit you with this bamboo pole!"

The goalkeepers raised their hands. "Even us?"

"Yes, especially you!" Just for measure, the coach whacked them on the head with the stick. It took a great amount of force to maneuver the stick around, so as he dealt his blow on the goalkeepers for asking the question, he managed to skim the heads of everyone else on the team. It was plainly obvious the coach was not kidding. "Now play!"

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the players had his hand raised up.

"Yes, Shin Choe?"

"Coach... I put the kerosene in the water system..."

=== PRIVATE RELEASE FROM THE IMPERIAL ACADEMY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS ===

Code: Select all: To the Ancharmunn Foreign Ministry: RE: Arson at the Handball Practice Facility in Cashlauncarriga We are humbly sorry about the damages caused by the fire in the facilities in your territories, especially those caused by our own citizens. We are issuing this statement to your ministry to apologize for this incident, and to remand to your custody the individual - Shin Choe of Sacheon Province - and our preliminary reports regarding the investigation. While we are convinced that our citizen did not cause the fire that burned your facilities, we have considerable evidence that he did put kerosene into the water sprinkler system designed to extinguish any outbreak of fire because he "thought it would make the place shine." How and why he came this conclusion, how and why he managed to gain access to your sprinkler system, and how and why there was kerosene on the premises remains a mystery to us, but we leave our citizen in your capable hands. If your authorities should decide to press any criminal charges for his conduct, please inform us so that we may insure his rights as a Han national are not infringed unfairly. Once again, we are sorry for the incident. We strongly encourage you to increase security for your plumbing systems in the hopes that such accidents do not occur again. We will educate our nationals not to play with your facilities beyond what has already been graciously provided to us for purposes of the athletic competition. Imperial Academy of Foreign Affairs

***

The sweatshop was beaming with activity. Since the Shinhae War, civil security had become something of a mind slip in the eyes of the Imperial Authorities, preferring to expend their precious manpower hunting and destroying the Mujeongbu. In the new territories, sweatshops such as these were common, as gangs cemented their control over basic, mundane things - like food and shelter. They were employing men, women, children - all to do one thing. In a mass array of computers and routers, their eyes were fixed onto the screens with a bunch of numbers to the side. Credit card information, personal identification numbers, bank access accounts - basically electronic money written upon pieces of paper. And the object of their obsession was more or less the bids. Every 4.5 seconds, each person would bid a certain, negligible quantity of money for a certain event. The gangsters would play the odds, and in a moment, money would flush in that direction. In truth, much of their prospecting was pure speculation - shoveling money in one direction just because it seemed right. They would play with the betting market, to wreak havoc upon it. Seldom would they win any money - they already had enough money from their drugs, trafficking, and other "profitable enterprises", and the money that they used to bet wasn't even their own. It was more or less a leisure.

It was a leisure until he stepped in. No one was sure whence he came or why he was there at first. But it was as bold an entrance you could make without turning the house inside out and letting loose all of the hot, steamy computers and their fixed watchers. He came in clad in a white business suit, white leather shoes, white shirt, black tie, and a black fedora hat. His shades had a tint of pink in them as he strolled into the place, knocking down the doors in the process. The bosses took one glimpse at the new man and a guard came over with a gun leveled at him. Not even a glance to side, the white-suit man disarmed the guard and punched him in the face in the same, swift blow. He took the gun and brought it over with him to the table where the bosses had assembled for their lunch. He slid in the chair opposite the men and gave a confident chuckle.

"What if I were the police?" he said. "Then you would all be busted, this operation dead."

The head boss looked at the man, trying to figure him out. "Who are you?"

"Me?" the man replied. "I'm a floater. I come in and I leave when I please. But you - that's the real mystery." The man patted the gun and left it on the table, uncomfortably close to the reach of so many others, and yet they were all afraid of how quickly he could just as easily disable them as he did the guard. "You old men sit here in the middle of the jungle with cash looted from everywhere around the world, and you're content to just bet money haphazardly? This does not seem the sort of men that Baek-Ryeon or Sam-Hap would want to recruit."

"Who are you with?" the boss asked again.

"I am with no one, and yet with everyone." The man was quizzical to say the least. "I am the sort of man who comes to prepare the way for something bigger."

"No man comes in here and claims to be from Baek-Ryeon or Sam-Hap without having some credentials. Show us your mark (aka tattoo)!"

The man calmly obliged. He first removed his shades to reveal his scarred right eye - lost apparently to a razor cut. He then proceeded to show his right arm, pulling up the sleeve to his elbow - "謀反,惡逆,不道" - tattoos belonging to a criminal (and forcefully given by the State). It was as if the men needed no further proof of the man's identity - Jang Sun-Baek. He was the famous "Yu-Ryang-Ja" - the Wanderer. He was a criminal borne of the depravity of the Shinhae War - at age 13, he killed his parents and proceeded to slaughter his village. He was taken by the Mujeongbu who molded him into an even worse monster - a smart and savvy monster. He was sentenced to death when he was just 15 years of age, but stayed in prison only long enough to get his tattoos. His escape was especially infamous - he broke the bars of his cell with his bar hands and proceeded to beat the guards with the broken pieces of his quarters. He then leaped over the fence - an agonizing 10 meter leap in the air, landing presumably into the boggy mess outside the prison. He had been seldom seen after the escape, but was evidently doing well enough with his life - a budding young adult now with a classy suit and a few scars to tell his story.

The bosses were plenty more respectful. "We were humbled to have you in our presence. What can we do for you, Mr. Jang?"

Jang recovered his eyes and pointed at the computers. "You have slaves working in menial conditions just so you fat cats can enjoy a good betting spree? I grant you - give me control of this operation, and I'll make this building your top paying facility in three days."

"But no one can do that! It's impossible to play the odds without a bookmaker," the men replied.

Jang shook his head. "That's because you gentlemen have been doing this thing wrong. Give it to me, and I'll do it right."

"I'm not about to give away my one personal leisure," the head boss replied, slightly annoyed now. "This is just for fun, nothing serious."

Jang pointed out at the masses of slaves among the computers. "It looks serious for them to me. And I'm not asking. I'm saying."

"Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged." Jang had only one instant to move, and ironically he didn't move towards his gun, sitting there pretty on the table. Instead, he kicked down on the table, throwing up the books and pieces into the air. It threw off the guards and the bosses, who watched the falling pieces while Jang made the most of his distraction to grab the gun and fired one shot - aimed straight at the head boss's head. The dust settled and an uneasy silence followed the mess. Jang was the only confident, calm person sitting there, everyone else tense and pondering. He waved the gun around. "Anyone else with a dissent? I'm a rather open guy, if you want to know. I'm open to suggestions." Not a sound. "Good." He turned to the remaining bosses and said blankly. "You. Old guys. We're going to meet in Shingu tomorrow evening, dinner at the Gong-Hae Restaurant at 18h. I expect to see you there. If I don't see you there, I'll assume you've gone to the police, and you might as well dig your grave. Things are going to run differently now that I'm in charge."

With that, he stood up and walked out. "And fix the door as well."

by **Yesopalitha** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:38 am

Although the group of college girls (yes, they are all college age) from Yesopalitha tried to hang around against the more experienced players from Darmen, they failed, losing 27-22.

Julianne Potter led scoring for the Yesopalithan squad (who by the way don't even have a nickname), scoring eight of the twenty-two goals, and Miriam Neovasin, along with Catarina Pollack, scored five apiece. The offense wasn't the problem with this squad, as twenty-two goals is plenty enough in a game of handball; no, the problem was in the defensive end.

Kevin Larvee was the biggest threat, scoring a total of eleven goals, as the defense of the Yesopalithans couldn't stop the crisp passing of the Darmeni squad. It was a bit frustrating to watch, especially in one stretch in the second half when Darmen scored seven goals in a row to put the game away. Yesopalitha tried to mount a comeback, but they didn't have the skills or the experience.

Next up, the Yesopalithan Girls will try to get their first win against the nation of Equestrian States. As The Babbage Islands and Polar Islandstates are both also in their group, this game is a must-win game.

Although, the true story is that handball is being shown at all in Yesopalitha. This much exposure will be good for the enthusiasts of the sport.

by **Falconfar** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:55 am

Ionian Handball League      Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Spaceport Sounders        36   32   0   4  1074  854 +220    96
 2 Junction Juggernauts      36   28   2   6  1004  869 +135    86
 3 Gerard Sporting Club      36   27   1   8  1000  863 +137    82
 4 Freedie's Center          36   20   2  14   973  902  +71    62
 5 Mountaintop Warriors      36   18   2  16   944  928  +16    56
 6 Vance, Inc.               36   17   5  14   942  920  +22    56
 7 Bernard Barriers          36   10   1  25   868  971 −103    31
 8 Kelly's Corner            36    8   2  26   851 1006 −155    26
 9 Willie's Warriors         36    7   1  28   870 1024 −154    22
10 Anderson Astronauts       36    5   0  31   831 1020 −189    15

As one can see, the Ionian Handball League is one that is a bit spread apart in talent. Spaceport Sounders won the last season by ten points, the biggest margin of victory in some time. Anderson Astronauts are looking for some answers, while the Junction Juggernauts are sick and tired of second place.

In their first game representing the country of Falconfar, the players had a bit of a hard time working together, and it showed at the end of the game when, with the score tied at twenty-five, Saugeais scored two goals off of turnovers caused by lack of communication between the players of Falconfar. It was also apparent that the Sounders players would pass to each other more than others and the Juggernauts players would do the same.

It sounds so cliche to say that the team must play as a team, but that is really the problem. Against Saugeais, they had the talent to take the game; it was selfishness that lost it. And in the moon of Iona, Handball causes many fights; it would be huge if this team would stop fighting among themselves...

by **The Jahistic Unified Republic** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:38 am

Excerpt from SportsNation on Jahistic Private TV, Anchors: Lane Kevins (LK) and Jordan Tracey (JT, Female):

LK: The creation of the brandnew Jahistic NOI should really capitalize on the fact our usually introverted country is branching out, at least in the sporting realm and this shoul---

JT: Hate to interrupt, but I have word from the United Jahistic Handball League (opens note) Wow--- just in, literally 30 seconds ago, the UJHL is sending a delegation to the Handball World Cup's 9th Edition. We have the official statement of the UJHL, it reads the following, and I quote "The United Jahistic Handball League is happy to announce that we will send the best athletes from our teams from the League to compete in the International Stage for the first time in a matter of days. This was not an off-the-wall decision. The decision had been made 4 months prior, and we are proud to compete on the international stage for the first time."

LK: Amazing news, just 90 minutes ago, we were just accepted into the Olympics, but now? Holy crap, this is just awesome news. The government has always kept up introverted policies on sports, and this is just saying the JUR is ready for the international stage, again, breaking news, just an hour and a half after forming the Jahistic NOI, we are going to compete in our first handball competition.

JT: We don't have an official roster, we are expecting one from either the JNOI or the UJHL shortly, but one has to think the obvious picks: Garey and Jacobson are a must have for the team if they want a chance of going for this.

LK: I'm still blown at this sudden decision... we are hearing of sudden celebrations in the Capital... Obviously for this awesome announcements. Do we have a feed? We do? Well everyone in UJHL Official Fan Jerseys are just having a blast out there. SportsNation will cover all of these events, we are hearing from executives. This is going to be wonderful for the UJHL and the JUR as a whole, we'll go to a commercial break but we'll comeback with more of this awesome news.

--2 minutes later--

JT: This is just in, the roster, now appearing on your screen, and we are hearing a roar of approval from the crowds gathering in various cities, including the Capital as the names are getting read outloud by a representative of the UJHL. My biggest question, is this the team for the Olympics next year? The JNOI Representative is right there next to the UJHL representative.

LK: The Olympics are a year from now, let's focus on today. We have a handball team. Tell me that this isn't the greatest news to anyone wanting to express national pride through sports! This is just wonderful!

JT: It sure is... it sure is. Thats all the time we have, but we will talk to you later on SportsNation, and I'm sure this is frontpage news tomorrow. For Lane, I'm Jordan Tracey, good night, fellow countrymen, and God bless our new sportsmen.

by **Cotdelapoms** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:25 am

(OOC: As always- big pile of salt.)

Apples Cruise To Victory Over Sea Dragons
Rodrigues' Seven, Kristján's Five Lead Way

Maudraiska Arena in Rushmore is an interesting place to watch handball, with an all wooden exterior from local Yew trees, and an interior filled for last nights' Cotdelapoms vs. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega contest with approximately 4000 boisterous Apple partisans. Whether the 4000 were made up entirely of Cotdelapomais tourists, or if they also featured a fair number of glory hunters remained to be seen; it is impressive considering how recently Cotdelapomais handball became a major ticket that we are already at the point where outsiders have taken kindly to our fine heroes. The crowd was treated to a spectacle as the Apples dismantled the Sea Dragons from ASMV in ritualistic fashion, scoring the first four goals of the match before the Vegans could even get on the board. Luc Rodrigues was his sterling self, netting five goals in the first half rout and generally wreaking havoc on the Vegan defence with his agility and power.

On the defensive end, we saw that Jires Julien has brought Ismaël Pellegrino into the team for a reason- the tall Kodiak pivot is one of Superligue's most physical players, and he got significant minutes in the match with the Sea Dragons. Pellegrino, along with the excellent Michel Robitaille, kept the centre of the court occupied and forced ASMV to play considerably more along the wings than they had hoped. In the first half, the Vegans- perhaps a more physical than technical squad, routinely would try to crowd the centre of the court when on the attack, and were routinely rebuffed when they were unable to get into the crease and get shots from the middle. Andughi Is'asi's squad kept this tactic up for almost the entirety of the first half until they were finally in a 14-8 hole, at which point they started to incorporate players like Tutywaku Qu'aset and captain Yr Ild'tase a bit more- Ild'tase had decided to drift a little further wide than his initial runs into the centre, and at this point the Vegans briefly looked alive.

Unfortunately though, for the Vegans- Benoît D'Aoust had one of his best matches for his country, saving nearly 50% of ASMV's shots, benefitting slightly from so many of them being weak shots from traffic. He shut the door on countless Vegan chances in the early going of the second half, and by the 43rd minute of the game, the Apples were up 22-15, meaning they had already scored enough to win. The Vegans fought valiantly, but as a newly formed team were simply not good enough to keep up with the defending gold medalists.

SCORING SUMMARY
Rodrigues- 7 goals, 5 assists
Svensson-Deslauriers- 6 goals, 4 assists
Robitaille- 4 goals, 6 assists
Janneteau- 4 goals, 1 assist
Laprise- 4 goals, 2 assists
Hjálmtýsson- 2 goals, 2 assists,
Brouillette- 2 goals, 1 assists
Pellegrino- 2 goals, 0 assists, 2 minute suspension
Desbiens- 1 goals, 3 assists, 2 2 minute suspensions, yellow card
Carroll- 1 goal, 2 assists
---------
D'Aoust- 21 goals allowed, 40 shots

PLAYER OF THE MATCH: Without a doubt, Luc Rodrigues, whose movement and brilliant trick shots almost single handedly beat the Vegans- Kristján Svensson-Deslauriers should buy him a watch if he keeps feeding him the ball with open lanes to the goal.
DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE MATCH: It's hard to say anything bad about any Apple players in this game, but Frédéric Desbiens was outplayed by Ismaël Pellegrino defensively- and was occasionally a foul hazard, picking up a card and a pair of suspensions. His ball distribution was good, though.
PLAY OF THE MATCH: Rodrigues breaks through a Vegan wall and sees Eduiyii Ough'loro coming towards him- immediately sends the ball to the open Gilles Janneteau, who knuckle-balls one over the now diving Ough'loro. Ough'loro had a look on her face as the ball knuckled over her head that suggested that she was out of her depth (despite being perhaps the best player on the Vegan side!)

------

NOTEBOOK:

*Daehanjaeguk had the blowout win of the first day of the tournament, disassembling Camwood 34-18. Many onlookers were perplexed at the Han Empire's unusual style of play- the team played almost as if they had been coached by a seal. They also drew some attention in the community for a fire in their practice facility that was enhanced by the emergency water sprayers being filled with kerosene. Le Télégramme has reason to believe that this is a common occurrence in Ancharmunn and has alerted coach Julien to be weary of the Apples' practice facility. Whilst Le Télégramme has been unable to find any evidence to back this up, we also have reason to believe that one of the most popular folksy expressions of the Charmunnry people is "Nothing ever burns down by itself, every fire needs a little bit of help." which would certainly lend credence to the idea that they are trying to kill unsuspecting Cotdelapomais tourists through shoddy emergency preparations.

*Speaking of emergency preparations, it seems as though hell may be on its' way to freezing over, because we here at Le Télégramme may have found a Charmunnry individual who is not a drunk and thieving thug- World Cup Organising Committee chairman Teague Healy. He may have said some incendiary comments about our newspaper (join the club!), but when it came out that the competition was operating too smoothly for his liking, he became a hero of this particular publication. When this publication suggests that giving government dollars to Rushmori aid is akin to treason, know that we are not referring to dollars that wind up in your hands, Mr. Healy. Of course, Mr. Healy, you should look closer at your own tournament- just last night at least 5 Cotdelapomais tourists were kicked out of a pub for being "too drunk and disorderly", which seems like it should be physically impossible considering the state of the average Charmunnry at 3 in the afternoon.

*Polar Islandstates and the Babbage Islands drew at 24-all. After Matteus Nygard proclaimed himself to be the best player in the world, you'd think the Polarians would start the tournament off with a bang rather than a whimper.

*It is with a heavy heart that we must alert you to our dwindling reader base, as only 4000 copies of last Sunday's paper were successfully sold, and ad buys have been steadily streaming downwards. Unfortunately, the federal government is unwilling to help our paper out, as they only contribute money to "public" broadcasting causes- which are of course too cowardly to tackle the real issues that impact the lives of Cotdelapomais, such as the decline of Le Télégramme, the constant petty thievery on Albionpool's streets by Charmunnry thugs, and the nearly $3000 that taxpayers spend annually on trimming the beard of Jarvis Coquerique. As always, if you want to continue the fight against Rushmori acceptance in our fair nation, please consider having your company buy an ad in our paper.

by **Ancharmunn** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:59 pm

Matchday two cutoff! Scores coming shortly.

Worth nothing that I'll be bringing cutoffs forward. To leave plenty of time for RPs to be posted I'll be doing this gradually over the next few days, bringing it forward roughly an hour or so each night.

by **Ancharmunn** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:10 pm

Group A
Licentiapacisterra 32–22 Passo Tonale
Civil Citizenry 24–29 Mapletish
The Jahistic Unified Republic 30–26 Prusai

. Group A                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Licentiapacisterra                  2   2  0  0   58  45 +13    4
2 Passo Tonale                        2   1  0  1   52  56  −4    2
3 Mapletish                           2   1  0  1   53  54  −1    2
4 The Jahistic Unified Republic       2   1  0  1   53  52  +1    2
5 Civil Citizenry                     2   1  0  1   53  56  −3    2
6 Prusai                              2   0  0  2   53  59  −6    0

Group B
The Holy Empire 24–22 Rennidan
Boriem 26–27 Maron
Anollasia 30–27 Vettrera

. Group B                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 The Holy Empire                     2   2  0  0   47  44  +3    4
2 Maron                               2   2  0  0   52  50  +2    4
3 Boriem                              2   1  0  1   54  48  +6    2
4 Anollasia                           2   1  0  1   52  50  +2    2
5 Rennidan                            2   0  0  2   46  49  −3    0
6 Vettrera                            2   0  0  2   48  58 −10    0

Group C
The Royal Kingdom of Quebec 32–27 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
West Tyland 22–30 Cotdelapoms
New Republic of Egypt 24–28 Taijan

. Group C                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cotdelapoms                         2   2  0  0   63  43 +20    4
2 The Royal Kingdom of Quebec         2   2  0  0   64  50 +14    4
3 Taijan                              2   2  0  0   52  45  +7    4
4 West Tyland                         2   0  0  2   43  54 −11    0
5 New Republic of Egypt               2   0  0  2   47  60 −13    0
6 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega              2   0  0  2   48  65 −17    0

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 29–12 Hakkland
Free South Califas 25–20 Carmadin
Camwood 24–22 Krytenia

. Group D                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Daehanjeiguk                        2   2  0  0   63  30 +33    4
2 Free South Califas                  2   2  0  0   64  44 +20    4
3 Hakkland                            2   1  0  1   44  53  −9    2
4 Camwood                             2   1  0  1   42  56 −14    2
5 Carmadin                            2   0  0  2   44  57 −13    0
6 Krytenia                            2   0  0  2   46  63 −17    0

Group E
Polar Islandstates 29–21 Thrilledge
Yesopalitha 23–22 Equestrian States
The Babbage Islands 30–24 Darmen

. Group E                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Polar Islandstates                  2   1  1  0   53  45  +8    3
2 The Babbage Islands                 2   1  1  0   54  48  +6    3
3 Darmen                              2   1  0  1   51  52  −1    2
4 Yesopalitha                         2   1  0  1   45  49  −4    2
5 Equestrian States                   2   1  0  1   48  47  +1    2
6 Thrilledge                          2   0  0  2   45  55 −10    0

Group F
Taeshan 28–22 Urszag-Csatoria
Saer Republic 27–28 Thatius
Michael VII 26–28 Lymantatia

. Group F                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Lymantatia                          2   2  0  0   56  44 +12    4
2 Taeshan                             2   2  0  0   52  45  +7    4
3 Urszag-Csatoria                     2   1  0  1   55  57  −2    2
4 Thatius                             2   1  0  1   57  60  −3    2
5 Michael VII                         2   0  0  2   49  52  −3    0
6 Saer Republic                       2   0  0  2   45  56 −11    0

Group G
Slembana 29–24 Mark50
Falconfar 24–21 Vamprican-Krumbian Confederacy
Cyborg Holland 27–22 Saugeais

. Group G                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Cyborg Holland                      2   2  0  0   61  49 +12    4
2 Slembana                            2   1  0  1   56  58  −2    2
3 Saugeais                            2   1  0  1   49  52  −3    2
4 Mark50                              2   1  0  1   56  53  +3    2
5 Falconfar                           2   1  0  1   49  48  +1    2
6 Vamprican-Krumbian Confederacy      2   0  0  2   45  56 −11    0

Group H
Megadia 27–22 Union Isle
Conservative World 21–27 Ancharmunn
Liventia 21–30 Sicoutimont

. Group H                           Pld   W  D  L   GF  GA  GD  Pts 
1 Sicoutimont                         2   2  0  0   65  45 +20    4
2 Liventia                            2   1  0  1   52  56  −4    2
3 Megadia                             2   1  0  1   53  53   0    2
4 Union Isle                          2   1  0  1   51  55  −4    2
5 Ancharmunn                          2   1  0  1   55  50  +5    2
6 Conservative World                  2   0  0  2   45  62 −17    0

by **Camwood** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:21 pm

Camian Handball National Team

Manager: Henry Bellmont

STARTERS
GK Landon Murray - Age 22
LB Connor Bennett - Age 19
CB Cameron Evans - Age 20
RB Joseph Graham - Age 25
LW Blake Holmes - Age 24
RW Samuel Webb - Age 21
PV Steven Morgan - Age 21

SUBSTITUTES
GK Thomas Lee - Age 20
LB Richard Donell - Age 21
RB Blake Graham - Age 19
LW Ryan Moore - Age 20
RW Joshua Lewis - Age 20

RP Permissions
Go Wild

by **The Jahistic Unified Republic** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:59 pm

Jordan Tracey (JT) and Lane Kevins(LK) at the newsdesk, as always.

JT: Well, a bittersweet two games for the JUR National Handball Team, for the first day losing to to Licentiapacisterra, in a well fought 23-26 defeat. Nicholas Garey with an awesome 12 saves in that game, and Ezekiel Moore taking a nice 8 saves by the end of the game. The brothely duo Jeff and Devyn took home plenty of goals ontop of that. Ultimatly losing to that nation, but don't count us out yet! We took home a 4 point victory (30-26) in a well fought handball game against Prusai, with Double J, the youngster taking home 8 goals on his own!

LK: Oh my goodness, what an awesome game that was, and Double J himself has released a press release to the Jahistic People, obviously intending on making a statement.

My fellow countrymen, athletes and artists, I hope that my story can be used as an example. As many of you have known, I grew up impoverished. With all due respect to my teammates, I didn't have anyone to pay for my career, I earned my right to be here. They have too, but it was a damn harder path for me. The JUR Team has a plethora of talent, and I respect and love every single one of my teammates. But i just want people to know, not everything is handed on a silver platter. I hope the impoverished youth can see by my contributions to this big organization and, more importantly, to this nation I love.

The Jahistic People are known for their fierce spirit and their own exceptionalism. If the JUR can make it past the Group play, we can say "we have arrived, we refuse to remain silent anymore!" Like we did when we founded our great nation. Handball is our national sport for a reason, we hold it in high regard for a reason. We are the JUR, we show that we have fighting spirit through this wonderful institution. The JUR will become a power, not through wars or backroom deals, but by sports.

Sports is our way. The Handball Team, is our way. We played a fierce two games. With our first victory, we've sent a sentence. Now let's type an essay

_{-- Julius Jacobson, official statement.}

BTW: RP Permissions, have fun with it, don't kill/injure us though.

by **Yesopalitha** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:40 pm

A narrow game against the Equestrian States may have been what the Yesopalithan Women's Handball Team needed to get ready for competition against The Babbage Islands and Polar Islandstates, the two big names in the competition.

Leading the way for the squad was another solid game by Julianna Potter, who scored eight goals. Catarina Pollack scored six, and Miriam Neovasin five. Although it seems that only three women are being the primary scorers, the other three are doing a good job getting the ball to those players.

The game was close till the end, with Yesopalitha coming back from a three-goal deficit to tie it with one minute to go. The Equestrian States tried to run a fast-break, but the ball was stolen by Neovasin, who threw it to Potter on the other end of the floor, who threw it in for the final margin.

The team was told after the game that fifty thousand viewers had watched the second game, up from only ten thousand the first day. Although Yesopalitha does have a population of about five million, and hence, the exposure isn't that much, the fact that it is on the rise is good for this still young sport.

Perhaps making it to the playoffs would help that a lot... Or maybe, an upset against a great team?

by **Taijan** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:41 pm

Le Vert Remains Undefeated
Just two games have been played by the Taijani national handball team in its short history, and thus far, the young Joshua Cho has kept his team perfect. The teams 28-24 defeat of the New Republic of Egypt has come as an incredible shock to the sporting public of Taijan, many of whom did not expect the Green and Gold to manage even one win in its inaugural World Cup.
"It's unreal," said coach Jason Trang immediately after the match, "This is more than I think could have been expected of us the whole tournament, but now the goals are even higher. This tournament is far from over, and our next two matches will each be harder than the next."
After a slightly rocky start to the team's debut match, tonight's game plan seemed to be both much more solid and much more effective. Standout penetration play by Cho allowed for ample early scoring opportunities on the wings, where Rene LeBlanc sank four points in the first half, allowing the Vert to go into the second half up by a whopping six points. The first half particularly was characterized by more wing play from LeBlanc and his partner in crime Derrick Matthias, with fewer shots taken directly by Cho, though he did lead the match in assists. The early second half showed overtones of yesterday's play that called into doubt the consistency of the Taijan players as the Egyptians launched a powerful counterattack that sank the Taijani lead to one, but eight points by Cho in the half, out of a total twelve for the match, brought the team back from the brink.
Celebrations erupted across Taijan, not just in the handball-mad north, but also in cosmopolitan cities like Nova Algiers and Coco Bay.
"It's a great feeling," said LeBlanc, "To come onto the international scene this strong, but we're gonna need all the momentum we've built and then some to take on Quebec in the next match."
Indeed, the Taijan-Quebec match is shaping up to be a major decider for Group C, as the team winning it will have an upper hand in the battle for the second-place berth behind powerhouse Cotdelapoms. Both teams are undefeated thus far, Quebec having defeated Egypt and Andossa se Sitrin Vega, and Taijan West Tyland and now Egypt, but three undefeated teams remain in the group, only two of which can advance. While Cotdelapoms appears to have the top berth locked, second place is still in the air, and the next match will go a long ways to deciding who will advance.

by **Ancharmunn** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:55 pm

Morning Herald
INSIDE: Handball World Cup – Nine goal hero Nic Rhaith slams timid Conservative World tactics

Anger for elderly as community hall set ablaze

There was shock and anger yesterday in the remote Contae Hoileáin Órga as residents in Cashlauncarriga came to terms with an apparent arson attack on a valued community hall. The Burnbank Village Hall, set adjacent to the Pálás Nic Rhaith Handball World Cup venue, has for decades provided a variety of uses to the local community from youths sports clubs to weekly meals for the elderly. It had also recently been provided to Handball World Cup teams competing in Cashlauncarriga as a warm-up and training venue.

Firefighters however spent much of the night battling fierce flames which threatened the structural integrity of the building. Whilst the exact cause of the inferno has yet to be established police have confirmed that they believe tampering with the internal water sprinklers designed to go off in the event of a fire may have accelerated the blaze.

A foreign national, understood to be a member of Daehanjeiguk's handball squad, has been arrested in relation to the incident, though police appear resigned to be unable to charge the individual.

Local police commander Fionnbharr ó Ceallaigh confirmed as much by telling a press briefing, “We have an individual under arrest and he has proven to be very helpful in our investigations. His evidence leads us to believe that he contaminated the building's internal safety systems with a quantity of paraffin, though he denies having started the fire. Whilst his actions were clearly naïve and reckless we don't believe he intended any harm and as such we may be unable to charge him. We will however continue to question the individual and carrying on the investigation.”

Time constraints however could impede such questioning with police having a limit of 48 hours to question a suspect before either releasing or charging them.

Local residents meanwhile will have to go rather longer without their valued facility, with Grania Ward, a local organiser of events for the elderly calling the damage caused by the blaze “devastating”.

“The hall is such a wonderful place for the local community” she explained, “Everyone uses it from toddler's playgroups to our meals for the elderly scheme. For many older residents the weekly meal is one of the few opportunities they get to get out and meet people. It really can be a lifeline so this fire will hit hard on that. I fear that the longer the building is out of action, the lonelier some of our most vulnerable people will get, and the consequences of that can only be dreadful.”

Perhaps surprisingly however the blaze has been welcomed in some quarters with Teague Healy having proclaimed the incident as “the best possible start this tournament could have hard”. The Handball World Cup Organising Committee chairman has come under criticism after making comments that he felt their hadn't been enough problems in the build up to the tournament, but seemed undeterred into claiming what many would see as disastrous as in fact beneficial.

“It's fantastic!” he exclaimed, “It's really just the thing I've been waiting for. People can start asking questions about whether we should have got this tournament and how we're clearly not ready. To those people I say we are, we shall overcome this minor hiccup and put on a fantastic tournament. For me it's been an almost dreamlike start to the tournament, and now the hard work really starts. The world shall now see how brilliant I am at overcoming problems like venues being burnt down.”

In what has, in Healy's eyes at least, been a good couple of days for the organising chairman, Healy has also received some unexpected praise from abroad with the Cotdelapomais paper Le Télégramme as a 'hero' for his approach to running the tournament. For Healy such a seal of endorsement is more than welcome.

“See! They get me, I only wish the people of Ancharmunn could share the mindset of that fine publication.”

The dwindling readership and irrelevance of Le Télégramme perhaps offers an insight as to why they don't however.

by **Falconfar** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 7:22 pm

There was a definite vibe in the air during Falconfar (well, technically just Iona) defeating the nation commonly referred to as VKC by a score of 24-21 in the second game of the group stage of the World Handball Tournament. That vibe, of course, was one of teamwork - unlike the last game, in which the Spaceport Sounders' players and the Junction Juggernauts' players just played with each other; in this game, they played as a whole unit, and it showed as the game became more fluent for the Ionians, and they prevailed to record their first win.

"We had to just set our differences aside and help each other out," admitted a player who wanted to remain anonymous, "We are best when we play together as a single unit."

It is the hope of the Ionians that they can win the rest of the games, or close enough so that they can make the playoffs. They want Iona to be known for more than just the Defenders and the Spiders of the multiple varieties of sports...

Good luck Ionians!

by **Daehanjeiguk** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:24 pm

Munhwa Shinhwa, English Edition wrote:
HAN HANDBALL TEAM HANDS ANOTHER RIOT; CRICKETS ROAR IN 29-12 WIN

CASHLAUNCARRIGA - From the start to the end, the Han Handball Squad have impressed both locals and foreigners alike. In two games, the Han Squad stand atop Group D with 4 points and a goal difference of 33, the highest of any team. Contributing to this strong performance is an unusually strong defense, conceding only 30 goals so far. A potent offense, led by the charismatic Kim Hak-Seop, is scoring goals wild as well, using strange tactics that have baffled opponents, observers, and critics alike. Perhaps it is most odd that - due to homeland restrictions preventing a large crowd of Han citizens in attendance - crickets have become the raucous fans to cheer on the team. Ancharmunn officials seem distressed at losing profits, but another official chided this challenge as "insignificant" compared to the fire disaster at a local community center that had served as the practice court for the Imperial Squad.

It seems odd for a society that has grown up under the recent sports phenomenon of football to field a team of handball players, but admittedly, this isn't a team full of seasoned professionals. "This is a team that's been put through a lot of work and practice," says Head Coach Pak Seung-Ho. "I can't say they're talented players, but we've been doing practice old style for a long time. What you're seeing out there is a mix of hard work and sheer luck." Sheer luck, indeed, as the squad that plays handball predominantly avoids using their hands, preferring to use their heads, chests, and on occasion knees (which are permitted). Nonetheless, the team has begun to grow into a top contender for the second round, with just three more matches ahead.

Next on the road are the unimpressive Krytenians, who have yet to publish their roster for closer examination. For all that we care, they could have sent goats to compete; hopefully, the Han beat them nonetheless.

***

IMPERIAL CONSTRUCTION CONSORTIUM PLOTS RECONSTRUCTION OF LOCAL COMMUNITY IN ANCHARMUNN

GYEONGJU - A local consortium of construction companies has put together a plan to rebuild a community center in Cashlauncarriga, Ancharmunn - a quiet, rural town where the Imperial Handball Squad is currently participating in the 9th World Handball Cup after reports that a fire had burned it down. While much of the structure apparently remains intact, fire damage - exacerbated by the use of an accelerant - has left the building unusable, and local authorities have been quoted stating the building is "likely to be condemned". In a great act of charity, Chilseong, the progeniture of the rescued commercial giant Samseong; Dongcheol, a leading mining and heavy industries corporation; and Hanjin, noted airline and freight carrier; have teamed up to build a new community center.

A spokesman for the new consortium released a public statement for the public in Gyeongju: "We feel for the tragic loss of this central cultural icon in this town, and owing to our current commitments, we feel that it is our duty as guests to offer in return for the hospitality of these townsfolk and for our gratitude in hosting our people, we have decided to offer our resources to build anew their burned community center."

News of this plan has sparked largely public condemnation for a "pet project in some [foreign] country", lambasting the military regime for allowing commercial resources to be spent abroad, rather than on pressing domestic needs. "Half of the country is in total ruin," Kim Geun-Ha - head of the Han Reconstruction Society. "It's embarrassing to walk around the Gyeongju parks and charred trees still litter the paths! People in this country need shelters, they need food, they need security. Gang-related violence has sho through the roof, and this is after the government recovered these territories in the wake of the [terrorists] expulsion. What exactly do these Cha-mun-ni folk have to offer us in return? A bunch of kumquats or a basket of muffins? They don't deserve our pity."

An Imperial spokesman has declined to reply to rumours that this consortium was hastily planned as reparations for the damage allegedly caused by a Han national. Meanwhile, the military regime that continues to manage the government on behalf of his Imperial Majesty, the Yeongmu Emperor, has been unusually quiet on matters pertaining to the Imperial Handball team or the fire incident in Ancharmunn.

The coach looked out at the players after reading the more important parts of the article. It was hard to get subscriptions of the latest news, but thanks to portable electronics, he could just as easily read them from the Internet. The players all knew about the fire in Ancharmunn, of course. But what remained stark news to most was the dire state of the Empire. Few people talked about it - it was a broken state. These sports events that the military regime sends out regularly - they're just distractions for a people who have seen the bitter torments of war for the greater part of ten, long years. The coach didn't always agree with the regime, but he suddenly came to the realization of something that he had not really appreciated earlier: they were there on a mission.

"I hope you realize," he told the players, "that we are here to play. I don't ask you to win these games. Honestly, I didn't expect you to win at all. But what you have right in front of you is the opportunity to win. And when you win, you win on behalf of a people whose pride is hurt, whose welfare is scant, whose livelihood is fraught with tragedy and poverty. We are here to win this for them, to give them something to cheer. To be fair, they can't come here. But we shouldn't care. We can hear them cheer from wherever we are, because we are children of Han. And when the Han play, we play to win." He calmed his expressions, his voice raising in volume as he spoke. The players, beaten and battered with the bamboo sticks, stood with more than just a sense of pride - this was their honor, as ambassadors of their people, to represent the best of the Han at their very worst time. It didn't really matter anymore that they were virtually novices - they had to win this tournament.

Just outside the locker room, an unusually loud cacophony of chirps awaited them. "In a moment," the coach continued, "we're going to be playing against a Krytenian team that has nothing to play for, nothing to lose for. We have something. Heaven help me, I don't want you to lose that. It's all we've got left right now. Don't disappoint me."

***

The cafe on the corner of Gung-jeon Road and Tae-Han Avenue was not particularly bustling or busy. But for a moment, there was a swarm of activity as black, shaded cars arrived and left their precocious passengers behind to enjoy a meal at the behest of one man. There were a number of gangs, rivals and unfamiliars alike, assembled. The owners of the place felt so uneasy that they closed the building to the public. And as they all assembled, one man came walking down the stairs from the second story.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. This is the Ta-i-bok Palace, where you can get the best noodles - I say - in the whole of Shingu. It's perhaps wise for you to take your orders now before we get started on business."

One of the bosses gruffed. "I'm not hungry. Tell us why we are here."

Jang pulled out a gun and shot the man straight in the head. He fell over dead, immediately eliciting the fury of those present (particularly those from his gang). Jang quietly put away his pistol and calmly replied, "He didn't say please. And I have a name. Please use it." He was notoriously strict on manners and mores. Even though his heart ran with cold blood, he had enough civility to know that proper etiquette commanded respect, so he had made it a habit to mercilessly kill impious folk. "If you're not hungry, then I can cut straight to the chase," Jang said, descending the stairs farther. "I have assembled you - all one and singular men and women - to participate in the greatest gambling fix in the history of fixes. We are going to fix the incorrigible."

"The World Cup, Mr. Jang?" answered one of the men.

"No, that organization is overloaded with bureaucracy and corrupt men. It's one of the dirtiest competitions in the world. Besides that, we'd have so much competition in that aspect. No, we are going to work on something entirely different."

"What, Mr. Jang?"

"The Handball World Cup."

There was a hushed silence. Some of the men wanted to laugh. Most were too frightened to do so. Jang explained his rationale. "It has been easy in the past to fix a match, first by bribing the match officials, next by bribing players, and then by bribing coaches. But it's just so tedious. But we have a unique opportunity to bribe an entire association - with the authority to control the match officials, the players, and the coaches. To do this, we'll need all of the resources that your organizations have to offer. Now, I say this in particular because we have the union of two advantages in any fix. One, the association must be dirt poor. The World Handball Cup is being hosted by Ancharmunn. Let's face it - their country is so poor, they have to eat turnips and potatoes for a living. And all of the beer that they drink domestically is donkey's urine, flavored with dirt and fermented on a boat for 18 days. Their association grapples the challenges of hosting a competition, and you all know that can be very expensive. Security is lax in the country, we'll take the association head by storm, and offer him a deal that he can't refuse. Once that happens,... well, all of the cogs in the wheel will start to turn themselves. And through our unique 'profit-sharing' venture, we'll be poised to enrich the lives of Ancharmunny residents with this act of charity."

Jang Sun-Baek took a quick pause, picking up a glass of seol-ju. "Now, why handball?" He drank the glass in one gulp and threw the glass against the rickety, scrap metal wall of the cafe. "That's the great mystery, and that is the very reason why we'll do handball. The authorities around the world are going to be wondering... 'why handball?' And my friends, such inquiry will be the first fruits of apathy. We'll take over handball, and no one will do a thing about it. No one can do a thing about it."

The gangs seemed to gathering better comprehension of Jang's intentions. "Who will we fix to win this competition, Mr. Jang?"

Jang shook his head. "That's not my concern. First things first - we need to talk to the head of the organization."

"How do we do that?" And after a little pause. "Mr. Jang?"

Jang pulled out a piece of a newspaper clip - "Morning Herald". "They'll tell us how."

by **Civil Citizenry** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 9:05 pm

Handball Fans Renew Skepticism After Challenging Opening Games
AS WORLD CUP KICKS OFF IN EAST RUSHMORE, CRITICS WONDER WHY CITIZ MEN WERE SENT INSTEAD OF WOMEN

BNS | MULLENDROGHED, Ancharmunn | One of the most under-the-radar moments in Citiz sports history was the glorious moment when the Citiz women's handball team clinched the Olympic gold medal in Lasft five years ago. The Citiz slaughtered the competition, increasingly so as the pressure mounted. Against an unheralded Hakklandian team, Civil Citizenry scored twenty-eight goals and won by six; then the story was retold in the gold medal match, annihilating Kernansquillec's hapless women by seven goals. The squad that our nation managed to assemble was one of the most dominant in handball history.

So with the world's most impressive handball teams coalescing in the tiny nation of Ancharmunn, there is a distinct feeling that something is missing - maybe because that dynastic team is conspicuously still in Civil Citizenry. The Citiz Handball Administration stirred controversy throughout the handball world by selecting an unheralded all-male squad, many of whom live in nearby Cotdelapoms, ahead of the former gold medalists. Perhaps the worst part of the situation is, the outrage that is due the aggrieved women is secluded to that minimal handball community.

It is well-known that female athletes are - not quite discriminated against, but certainly subservient, in a sense, to their male compatriots. There are no professional leagues devoted to women, and there are not many females that have integrated themselves in male-dominated sports. Citiz women's fight for athletic equality has been well-documented (recall the now-dormant Women4Winning movement), but to little avail. And it is a major affront to that movement that the greatest team of women in Civil Citizenry's four-decade history has been slighted. The government doesn't even consider it worthy of competing with other championship clubs in the sport.

Handball World Cup Results
Civil Citizenry 29, Prusai 27
Top Scorer: Hewson Devon (8)
Mapletish 29, Civil Citizenry 24
Top Scorer: Axton Webleigh (5)

Perhaps there's some legitimate reasoning. As Delman Harlan asserted, "Handball is one of the most physical sports out there. You can't really expect some women to push through five muscular males dozens of times a game in order to score." And that's true: no Kernansquillecian female can compare with the imposing defensive lines of the Cotdelapomais. The Citiz men, meantime, haven't fared much better: their three-goal loss to Cotdelapoms in the Olympic quarterfinals was more of a blowout than the scoreline would have the average onlooker assume. But at least they have the size and raw manpower that could perhaps gift the squad a deep run in the World Cup.

Still, what does it say about our nation that we feel we must have the XY humans represent us on the world stage, instead of letting the more accomplished athletes flaunt the talents they have refined for many years? Just because many of our male handballers compete alongside Cotdelapomais in their Superligue, doesn't mean they're any more capable of throwing a ball in a goal as some of our best women, indeed the best in the world. Maybe the CHA could have at least mixed the genders so that the very best handballers would earn a trip to Mullendroghed - regardless of "locker room concerns" among the more testosterone-fueled athletes.

Maybe this outrage, like most protests among sportswomen, is for naught now that the World Cup is under way. Already, the men are inspiring few with their performances: first a close call with unknown Prusai, then a disappointing five-goal loss at the hands of Mapletish. What the Citiz are leaving on the court would be embarrassing against the Cotdelapomais or even the Emberton silver medalists from northern Polaria. It makes this author wish for some more sizable tushies wearing our red and black on the handball court... perhaps we need some Dagans - or some Taeshani men. Burrrrrn!

by **Maron** » Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:22 am

Christchurch Herald

Celebrations abound, in Maron as the Handball team is 2-0 in group play. Maron having won 25-24 and 27-26 in the two opening games that has sent the sports enthused nation into a frenzy. Thouh Handball is certainly one of Maron's most popular sports, the amount of people playing Handball in Maron has dropped off considerably, thouh with the national team doing so well in the World Cup, Maron is hoping to succeed very well, as this is the first international tournament Maron has competed in handball. The Eagles as they are known, are Flyin High. The King of Maron has set aside a couple days during the tournament so that he can fly out and watch the Eagles compete for the World Cup of Handball. Maron is hoping for a wonderful tournament. Whether they reach the final or not, Maron will compete as hard as they can as they try to lift the Cup and take it home. We in Christchurch wish all teams the best, and will have further coverage of the World Cup as it progresses towards the Knockout phase.

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