World Cup 59 RP Thread

by **Audioslavia** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:13 pm

Sonnet to Audioslavia

Shall I compare thee to Iskara Daii?
Thou art less skilfull, and more annoying
Fast wingers lead our poor fullbacks astray;
Their crosses evade defenders we're employing.

One time too hot in tournaments we shined
And often our form, in knockouts, faded
And oft our spirit, through pressure, declined
Our farewells in major finals, we baded;

So up with this Bull-shit I will not put
You lose possession like the ball is toxic
Your defence; a brillo pad, porous but
So dry as to make me feel hypoxic

And no matter how much your fans implored ye
You couldn't even beat Chenkorya

by **Stachland** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:36 pm

Stachland Reds

Reds Win Important Match
by Witold Elliott

The Reds bested the previously undefeated Arcatea on the latter's home pitch yesterday, earning their second win of the World Cup qualifying campaign and making their own chances look considerably brighter.

After three matches in which a total of only two goals were scored, this match was, relatively speaking, an offensive display, with the Reds vanquishing their foes two goals to one to earn the win and three points.

The scoring began in the thirtieth minute, with all-time Stachlandic goals leader Lyle Verdak scoring on a shot from the penalty mark. The Arcateans managed to equalize in the one minute of stoppage time at the conclusion of the first half, and the stalemate continued for the first several minutes of the second half before Zachary Zeelowe made the go-ahead goal in the fifty-seventh minute of the match.

The Arcateans had only limited opportunities to try for another equalizer, and their best shot in the eightieth minute was saved cleanly by Navering Pounchtal.

"We're gaining momentum," said Pounchtal, who has given up only two goals in four games, despite the Reds' less-than-perfect record. "And hopefully we can continue."

Wealth of Music a Boon for the Cultured
by Morris Vert

In addition to simply being about football, the World Cup is also an opportunity for nations with disparate societal and geographical identities to partake in an intermingling of cultures. The players benefit tremendously from this—they, after all, have the privilege to travel to distant, exotic countries which they had not the faintest idea of only a week prior. They get to spend their time playing the game which they love, and immersing themselves in a culture that is often wholly foreign to their own.

It is appropriate, then, that a considerable number of songs—perhaps issued specifically for this World Cup qualifying campaign, perhaps simply gaining popularity in their home nations at a fortunate time—have become widely known the world over, in large part thanks to their exposure to visiting football teams. While some nations, such as Jerusalem, have been widely known for their music for some time, even here in relatively isolated Stachland, others have taken us entirely by surprise.

And it's not only music, but also poetry—which is, certainly, a very similar artistic medium—that has gained international popularity during this qualifying cycle. I would imagine that we will be seeing quite a bit more culture as the campaign continues. And I can say that it only has a positive impact upon the world, and that I am joyfully anticipating it.

by **Von Kopsho** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:13 pm

-WEEKEND EDITION-

Matchday 4: Von Kopsho 4–3 Eastfield Lodge. One of the weirdest games this humble reporter has ever seen. Luckily for Von Kopsho players (only RB Titus Casuat, FW Marcellus Ostasiewicz and AMC Sha Gianola performed properly) it hasn't been The Doctor's best day, and Jack's either, the charmer was more interested in flirting with DF Wally Brah and GK Florinda Freniere than in playing.
Von Kopsho were expected to lose against Eastfield Lodge, that's probably the reason behind local players attitude. From the first minute they seemed focused but hopeless as if the defeat had already been consummated. Then the miracle happened. Without even properly trying, each time they shot on goal the ball went to an unreachable spot for GK Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen, while surprisingly The Doctor and company couldn't barely get a shot on target. Von Kopsho players couldn't believe their luck. By the end of the first half Von Kopsho was leading 4-2 (Marcellus Ostasiewicz (6'), Sha Gianola (20'), Rachele Olloqui (38'), Titus Casuat (44'); Rory the Plastic Centurion (30'), The Doctor (45')) with a mediocre display. In the second half the nervousness and overconfidence took over. The team had a comfortable lead and seemed eager to increase the difference, which led them to unnecessary mistakes. With 4-3 in the scoreboard (Pyrovile in the 56th minute) DF Jae Pacholec got his second yellow card (out 3 games) in the 63rd minute and DF Alonso Kirkness, who had been on the field just nine minutes to compensate Jae Pacholec' sending off, a red card in the 72nd (out one game). With 18 minutes left and nine players on the field Von Kopsho seemed doomed. And even with everything favoring Eastfield Lodge's come back, the scoreboard stayed still until the final whistle, and not because of Von Kopsho composure but for Eastfield Lodge players incapacity to direct the ball to the goal.

Group Ten
Bostopia 3–2 Ossidiacqua
Von Kopsho 4–3 Eastfield Lodge
Taeshan 4–0 Unibot

Matchday 5: Ossidiacqua 2–2 Von Kopsho. Another surprise from Von Kopsho. Last match's result has been introduced in Von Kopsho's encyclopedia under the terms "miracle" and "luck". Despite the mediocre display the team managed to win a much higher ranked team. In last night's game, however, with the exception from GK Leandro Fiora the team performed brilliantly and even though not much luck did shone this time the team worked hard to snatch a point in Ossidiacqua, an excellent result.
Ossidiacqua, determined to get the three points and climb a few positions in the table, took control of the ball in the beginning with a short-pass game and enjoyed its first chances, while Von Kopsho was still trying to find it's place in the field. After ten minutes the situation leveled as Von Kopsho confidence and play got better and tried to control the ball. A terrific game fans of both teams enjoyed. Finally in the 30th minute RB Martin Cenghialta, with a long shot from his own half that found GK Leandro Fiora out of his area, scored the first goal for Ossidiacqua. Von Kopsho players didn't lower their arms and kept on fighting, creating chances and finally getting their reward ten minutes later after an extravagance from DM Erasmo Marye, who found FW Marcellus Ostasiewicz getting open. With 1-1 in the scoreboard and both teams working hard the referee decided to call half time.
The second half was as intense as the first one. With only six minutes in play we saw Ossidiacqua's MC Stephan Albertazzi take a goal directed pass that didn't found its target but luckily enough GK Leandro Fiora failed to parry properly letting the ball hit the net. Von Kopsho's goalkeeper will have to work hard to bring coach Santo Abina's trust on him back. We had to wait until the 70th minute to the goal that leveled the encounter, this time it was FW Marcellus Ostasiewicz who, after dragging goalkeeper and defenders with him, gifted the ball to DM Erasmo Marye. Another great combination. With this result the referee whistled the end of the game. Von Kopsho players and fans were delighted with the result, after four games the team has climbed to the third position in the table and will be receiving Luketopia tonight with hopes and real chances to get another three points before visiting group leaders Bostopia.

Group Ten
Eastfield Lodge 2–2 Taeshan
Ossidiacqua 2–2 Von Kopsho
Luketopia 2–5 Bostopia

Group Ten                          Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
1 Bostopia                           5    5   0   0    18    5  +13    15
2 Taeshan                            4    2   1   1    12    3   +9     7
3 Von Kopsho                         4    1   2   1     9   14   −5     5
4 Ossidiacqua                        4    1   2   1    10    9   +1     5
5 Eastfield Lodge                    5    1   2   2    11   13   −2     5
6 Unibot                             4    0   2   2     3   12   −9     2
7 Luketopia                          4    0   1   3     5   12   −7     1

Abina has made public tonight's starting 11:

GK  13 Florinda Freniere
RB  2  Titus Casuat
DF  4  Michal Lapuerta
DF  15 Wally Brah 
LB  5  Lonny Beauparlant - Captain
DM  6  Erasmo Marye
MR  18 Malcom Lecaros
ML  20 Kraig Niedzwiedzki
AMC 21 Sha Gianola
FW  9  Korey Cushen
FW  22 Marcellus Ostasiewicz

01.04.2012 - Kiesha Carco

LB and team vice-captain Lonny Beauparlant is watching the news in his room.

"As vote counting continues in Burma..."

Luketopia... a victory or a draw would be fantastic, that would almost secure avoiding the last position...

"... they have been given until midnight to start handing back power to the civilians or face..."

Why haven't I heard anything from him... he said yesterday...

"HELLO LONNY." said the TV newscaster.

"... Hello?" answered Lonny looking awkwardly the TV "Oh, it's you! Thank God! Sorry, I meant thank you...? Are you God? Wait! No, you said you weren't... Perhaps...?"
"I SEE YOU'RE STILL A BIT CONFUSED"
"Yes... No! I mean I believe in you, I do! What you did the last two games was great!"
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING."
"Was it us then? We did actually win against Eastfield Lodge??"
"YES, YOU WON. NO, IT WASN'T YOU."
"If it wasn't you and it wasn't us...?"
"AS I SAID THE OTHER DAY, I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU."
"You said you'd contact me yesterday..."
"I WAS BUSY."
"Bringing balance to society? Shaping humanity's fate? Creating new worlds?"
"I'M NOT GOD OR ANY GOD. BESIDES, I'M NOT THAT BORED, I HAVE A LIFE."
"Oh... I thought you would be like... well... I... you... I don't know what you are..."
"OK. FROM THE BEGINNING..."
"I'm all ears."
"SHUT UP! I AM THE NARRATOR. I HAVE CREATED YOU, YOUR COLLEAGUES, THE TEAM, VON KOPSHO... DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?"
"Yes. We owe our existence to you."
"I LIKE HOW THAT SOUNDS... ANYWAY, WITH REGARDS TO YOU, MY MISSION IS TO CONDUCT YOU THROUGH THE LET'S CALL IT FOOTBALL EXPERIENCE OF VON KOPSHO AND PERHAPS BEYOND. QUESTIONS?"
"Yes... a lot of them."
"FROM THE BEGINNING THEN."
"Your mission now is to conduct me through the World Cup?"
"CORRECT."
"You said you don't control the results, is that right?"
"EXACTLY."
"Then you aren't almighty?"
"WHEN IT COMES TO YOU AND VON KOPSHO, YES. OUTSIDE OF THAT, NO."
"So you're like the God of Von Kopsho?"
"AGAIN, I'M NO GOD."
"But you created Von Kopsho, us. We are your creations... then you're like our God, the highest authority..."
"NOT EXACTLY. I HAVE ALSO BEEN CREATED... AND MY MISSION IS TO GUIDE YOU."
"What!!!???"
"ENOGH FOR ONE DAY. THE GAME AGAINST LUKETOPIA WILL START SOON, YOU NEED TO GET READY."
"Wai..."
"TOMORROW. GOOD LUCK."
"But..."

"... international coalition will provide funding..."

"What the fuck?"

"... her nipples hard as a rock. Leaving economy and moving on to weather forecast..."

by **Kiryu-shi** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:18 pm

It was a familiar place, down by one. It seemed as if they were perpetually down by one, to be honest.

It wasn’t the greatest situation to be in - the defense had been keeping them in games fairly well, and the midfield game was usually never completely lost; there was just a tendency to slip up once or twice. Samantha realized that they were only losing by the slightest of margins, barely but regularly outclassed.

Not that she had much time to reflect - Meer and Erickson just played a great one-two, and now Meer had overlapped and was in empty space. He looked strong, this was his best game of qualifying thus far, attacking the relatively youthful Karl gadi-age on the left side. gadi-age would have fit right in in terms of age for the Kiryu-shi team, making him one of the less intimidating members of Homelands our, and Meer seemed determined to be able to showcase himself against some of the younger talent on the opposing side.

And with a beautiful touch at full spring with his left foot, Meer had crossed midfield, catching David foy out of position. Samantha once again started her run, leading Kiryu-shi down the field. She knew Meer wouldn’t be able to take a long cross on his own, he wasn’t going to be able to accurately send it to the far side of the goal, so she angled herself across to find open room towards the near side of the net, where she’d be able to collect any type of half-way decent cross. She felt the bracketing defenders, Michael byternsn and Rhys davr-age collapsing in towards her.

Her length wasn’t quite what it was at the beginning of the match, the weariness in her legs made each step feel heavy, like she was dragging concrete, but she was still relatively clear as she passed into the penalty box, and byternsn left to support the wing defense. Meer stepped over beautifully before sliding it back to Erickson, who was trailing, but Samantha didn’t need to make much of an adjustment as she moved directly towards the front of goal. She knew where Erickson would place his cross - they had practiced a hundred versions of this pattern back at Sakaino University. Her balance felt lighter than ever, and the defenders seemed to disappear.

The ball arced, perfectly, and her movements felt orchestrated, perfectly coordinated and balanced. Precise. Better than even the first time she had scored. Planting and pivoting with her left foot, she leaped to meet the ball in the air, contorting her body to move back away from the net while letting her moment swing her head towards the far corner. It was no way to get a lot of power, but the ball had plenty of speed as it traveled to meet her. All she had to do was play the angles.

The moment of impact passed - better now than it was the first few hundred times she had practiced heading - but still causing her more pain than it looked liked any of the others felt. But the ball arced perfectly, rotating softly through the air, clearing the keepers hands easily, falling under the bar and into the back of the net.

And a whistle blew, hands were up, no one was celebrating as time returned to normal speed, and Samantha watched as the keeper Herkison nonchalantly gathered the ball and rolled it out in front of him. Just another offsides.

Final Score:
Kiryu-shi 0
Homelands our 1

by **Gyatso-kai** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:19 pm

by **Astograth** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:25 pm

Continued from here

Whatever the vehicle was carrying, it didn't smell good. It smelled downright rotten, in fact, and Prince Lastur of Astograth, deposed heir to the Grand Duchy, was furious that to reclaim what was rightfully his he'd had to stow away on some broken-down truck headed west. West, towards the border with Civil Citizenry, crossing baked earth and rugged hills. Good terrain for an army... he didn't have one yet, but it was only a matter of time, right? For 31 years he'd been hailed as heir, damn it, and the people hadn't yet forgotten. Rumiatzi, and the central valleys in general, were lost to the High Lords, as were the unbreachable Blue Mountains, while the north coast would never rally to him. The east, meanwhile, was sparse and undefendable, but here in the west, and in the southern forests, he stood a chance of being a legitimate threat and staking his claim. Like the banished knights of old, how quaint!

Lastur entertained these notions in the darkness as the truck ran over deserted highways. He still commanded loyalty, aye, if his retinue and this one driver were any indication, but doubt tore at him. Was it enough? He would arrive in Sagastia soon enough, where he had been promised the local regiment would rebel against their officers. But then what? He was no general or guerrilla fighter. He could use troops, but not actually lead them. He didn't have a plan and right now he was on his own, his friends no doubt already arrested or close to being so after this little stunt.

Perhaps he should just leg it across the border and ask for asylum. No, damn it! Get a grip of yourself, he said aloud in the dark. He had to reach an agreement with the High Lords, and the only way of doing so would be through pressure. Armed pressure. What could he do then? Arrive in Sagastia, take the troops, march on Rumiatzi - “I'm sorry, Gaxan” - go to the palace, have a nice fine wine and wait for all of this to blow over? That'd never work. How many men in Sagastia were there, a hundred at most? No airbase, probably no tanks. Damn pathetic. Damn his father for slashing the military budget! On second thought, maybe being a guerrilla fighter wasn't so bad after all....

Arrive in Sagastia, take the troops, inspire the general populace of Astograth into violent rebellion - “Sorry, Gaxan” - go to the jungle, have a nice cold banana smoothie and wait for all of this to blow over. No, wait, violent rebellion? With what, a bloody radio broadcast? Don't be silly.

Alright then... arrive in Sagastia. Take the troops. Hide in the hills taking hostages - “Sorry, guys” - grab more troops, stay in the hills, have a nice cold winter, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of slightly demential planning amidst crates of rotting olives?

by **Mangolana** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:44 pm

Mangolana Gazzette

Mangolana loses first match of WCQ's

The Mangolana national team has officially lost there first match of World Cup 59 qualifying, when they lost to fellow Rushmore nation Nethertopia 1-0 in front of a capacity crowd at Ordonez field, in Skyline Mangolana. Mangolana played well for most of the match and had many chances for Mangolana to get on the board, but none could be capatalised on. Mangolana manager Mikael Svensson, in his post game press conference was quoted as saying, "We could have played another 6 halfs of football today, and we still wouldn't have scored tonight. It was just one of those nights. Hats off though to Nethertopia for there great defensive effort, and doing what they had to do to win the game, congrats."

The best of Mangolana's chances tonight came on a counter-attack from Alex Wesely. He was able to sprint up the field, and dart into the Nethertopia defense, using some strong and fancy footwork to avoid defender feet. He was able to work his way into the penalty area, where instead of taking a shot at the net, he attempted to pass the ball to Akeem Howard, where he put the ball just out of the reach of Akeem, resulting in the attack coming to an end.

The only goal of the match would come from Nethertopia, when they were awarded a corner in 83rd minute of the match. A player, presumably a defender who stood at 6'9 I believe, but don't quote me on that as I had just before takin my medication that can cause me some depth perception problems, so he could have actually been 5'5 for all I know, but anyways. The cross was taken perfectly and conected with the defenders head where it was redirected into the net to give Nethertopia a 1-0 win in front of the Mangolana crowd, giving Mangolana there first loss since there final match in the last Copa Rushmori.

by **Cowardly Pacifists** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:45 pm

The C.P. Sports Report
The First Publication Dedicated to Sports News in the Armed Republic of Cowardly Pacifists

SAUNGEAIS CRUSHES 10-MAN FRIGHTENED CHICKENS AS INJURIES AND PENALTIES FURTHER IMPERIL THREATEN C.P.'S WORLD CUP HOPES
Box Score
Frightened Chickens: 0 Saugeais: 5

Sunday, April 1st - Chaux, Saugeais.

Game Recap: The Frightened Chickens must have used up all of their stamina and skill earning a 0-1 squeaker-of-a-loss to Mytannion. The high-powered Saugeais Knights' offense crushed the C.P. squad yesterday in a way they've never experienced before: defeating the Chickens handily in a 5-0 blow-out/shut-out. While the epic failure might be attributed to playing part of the game with only 10-men, the Wimpson's red card and emerging injury reports combine to threaten the Chicken's future viability in the World Cup Qualifiers.

Everyone saw DM Criag Wimpson's tackle of Kuzman Ruslan that earned him the red card. "I just lost focus," Wimpson explained, "I was so focused on stopping the score that I lost my sense." The penalty has resulted in a two game suspension for Wimpson, who will be out for tonight's game against Ko-oren and the following game against the Imperial Canadian Dutchy. He will be eligible to return to play in the next round of qualifying matches. "I'm really sorry to put this burden on my team. I plan to appeal the suspension, hopefully they'll let me back for the match against the Dutchy." Michael Cur will be starting for

More bad news for the Chickens: Team Captain Brian Craven apparently suffered some sort of leg injury during the Saugeais match and will be out indefinitely. He has been definitively ruled out of tonight's match against Ko-oren and is questionable for the game against the Dutchy. FB William Fleeman will fill in for Craven at Stopper while Bertrand Wylee will come off the bench to start at Fleeman's Full back position.

All of this bodes poorly for the tonight's match-up at the Chickendome against high-ranked powerhouse Ko-oren. Fresh off a 8-1 stomping of the Dutchy, Ko-oren will keep their offensive powerhouse rolling in the A.R.C.P. Hopefully, Coach Encover will find a way to keep his hobbled team competitive.

by **Fire Dash** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:50 pm

A Pony on NationStates

I sat on my bed the day after the game against Nethertopia. We'd battled them shot for shot, steal for steal. In the end we managed to tie them, despite our much lower ranking. The goal by Rapid Dash, my sister, had been amazing. A beautiful curving shot that started high then came down through the top-left opening. All of it with just a few minutes to spare before time ran out on us. It was the perfect comeback to end the day.

It seemed that we were finally moving up in the world. We’d gone from a high-scoring, low-skill Baptism of Fire failure, to a squad that could contend with the best in the world after just a couple of tournaments! Okay, maybe not the best in the whole world. Maybe not even the top fifty. But those beatings we issued Legalese last time had to count for something, right? Regardless, we certainly weren’t the foals that had gone and gotten smeared in the Baptism of Fire group play anymore.

Unfortunately, there’d be another issue for the team to deal with, besides the high-ranked teams looking to wipe us off the face of the world. Me.

I'd sprained my wing during the match in Nethertopia, so coach told me to take the day off. Doc then went ahead and ordered it. The only consolation for me was that we had a scheduled break anyways. So there’d be no match for me to miss. But waiting for us at the end of the break was Mangolana, a team that had been predicted to beat the crap out of us from the start. Sure we’d somehow managed to grab and hold second place in the group for a few matches, but to be honest it wasn’t that much of a feat.

We’d gotten an easy schedule so far and all the best teams were holding each other down. But now we would have to face them directly. First we had the Mangolana match here in Canterlot. But that was the easy part. Behind the Ursa Minor of Mangolana was the Ursa Major of Jeruselem.

Trying to get my mind off the horribly depressing thoughts of losing both second place and the matches against Mangolana and Jeruselem, I hopped out of my bed and flew downstairs to my computer room. Landing in front of the bulky thing, I deftly tapped in my password and quickly logged on to my email account. Generally ignoring the fan mail (I could deal with that later), I searched the inbox for mail from my friends and family.

After a few minutes of not seeing anything from them, I was about to log off and play a video game when I saw an interesting message:

Code: Select all: To: firedash@esnatl.gov From: nationstates@hoofmail.com Subj: Do You Want to Rule a Nation?

Smirking, I clicked to preview the message. Usually these messages were amusing attempts to get me to give somepony and their ‘dying grandmother’ a couple million bits for treatment. Either that, or a guest appearance on some nopony’s video blog.

Code: Select all: Message: Have you ever had an interest in running a country? Have you ever wanted to make a nation follow your exact political beliefs? Do you want to be worshipped like an emperor? Or even create a country in which the people use moldy cheese as currency? Now you can! The political simulation game NATIONSTATES is the perfect way to run a country from the comfort of your own living room!

I leaned back against the clouds that formed my seat. Before being accepted as a forward on the national U-17 soccer team, I had long been interested in politics. Not as a corrupted politician, but as a teacher or reporter. The site certainly intrigued me, but there was probably a catch. Regardless, I scrolled down.

Code: Select all: Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself: what’s the catch? How much does NATIONSTATES cost? The answer to that question: NOTHING! NationStates is absolutely free! No startup cost, no premium subscription, none of your bits will be spent on this game! To get started today, just click the link below! http://www.nationstates.net/

Figuring I had nothing better to do, I went ahead and clicked on the link. A webpage dominated by a strange eye loaded quickly. On the site’s home page was a similar message, so I just selected the “Create a Nation” option, ignoring the advertisement. Tapping my own name into the first box, I began to fill out the form. Coming up short for an amusing currency, I put in the standard bit for the time being. I made the national animal a Phoenix as my colthood pet had been one. Strangely, the Equestrian States’ flag wasn’t an option for my flag, though there were plenty of others, so I left it as the default.

Within a couple minutes, I had submitted the nation. Up came a short description of my nation that made no sense to me. After a few minutes of stumbling around the site, I saw that I had received a few ‘telegrams’. Perplexed, I clicked on the bolded option. Most of the ‘telegrams’ seemed like recruitment mail for military organizations. I followed a couple of the links I had been sent and quickly discovered that this website was international. There were members from nations I’d never heard of, and most were non-Ponies. Humans, Dragons, and Elves were everywhere on the flags of the fictional countries.

Finally, I saw a nation that seemed to be run by a pony. It’s flag was the cover of a popular music album a few years back, and it was named similarly. The nation’s description showed it as being in the region of Equestria. I looked through the region’s ‘factbook’ before seeing the embassies links. Among them was the Pony Lands: my own home’s region.

I scrolled down to see the message board for the region, but saw a link to a World Cup discussion thread on the site’s forums. Immediately, I smiled and thought to myself: “Wouldn’t it be fun to discuss the tournament with fans?” So, I clicked the link.

But there was no real discussion of the Cup there, just a bunch of eggheads talking about their own NS World Cup. Disappointed, I was about to follow a more intriguing link on what seemed to be a war, when I saw a nation that was familiar to me.

Clicking a thread in the familiar country’s signature, I found myself looking at what appeared to be an exact copy of the Equestrian States. Finding that they had posted in the World Cup discussion, I filtered out all posts, save those posted by the ‘Equestrian States’. He’d copied the exact real life roster of the team for his ‘fake’ tournament! What kind of an uncreative moron was this guy? Talking about my nation like it wasn’t real!

Enraged, I exited the window, deleted the email, and logged-off the computer. Flying over to my couch, I plopped myself down in front of my television for the latest news from the World Cup. As I absorbed the footage, the memory of the strange site soon faded into the back of my mind.

Mangolana had lost to Nethertopia, but Jeruselem had beaten Kanslavia. The pressure was still on for us, though we’d stayed in second by virtue of our group-leading 13 goals. Determined to do something good for the team, I made a quick call to the coach. She agreed: attending the practice would help everypony relax a bit. Heading out of the room, I glanced back at the computer. I had a strange feeling that it had something important on it, not just to me, but to the Equestrian people as a whole. But then shrugged off the nagging concern. We had to be ready for the game against Mangolana, and time was a commodity we needed to take advantage of. Every moment of practice could not be wasted on idle browsing of websites. There was a game to win, and it wasn’t online.

by **Equestrian States** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:52 pm

Fire Dash wrote:*snip*

OOC: Confirming this is me.

by **Polar Islandstates** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:09 pm

For the penultimate time in the first half of qualifying... that's a CUTOFF.

SCORES

by **Liventia** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:08 pm

The higher-ups at the Football Association were fuming. Liventia was once a powerhouse name in world football; now here they were, with a team of no-hope soldiers, barely even registering shots on goal. Their sole successful attempt so far had come at home against the Babbage Islands — Petty Officer Andrew Johnson of the Liventia Naval Ship Fortress had scored with a wonderful looping header from a corner — and it was safe to say that team manager Richard Westhall, a colonel in the infantry, was feeling the pressure.

The FAL and Ministry of Defence had signed a deal to give the forces' best players a chance of living their dream, but this wasn't the way it was meant to turn out. Col Westhall knew that in the agreement somewhere was a get-out clause for the FAL — should the team take less than 3 points from its first 6 games, they could choose to sack the manager, or even rip the whole thing up — and he was perilously close to failing to make that minimum. Michael VII awaited on the last day of the first round of qualifiers, and they would be playing at home, in front of 29,800 boisterous Liventian fans. The visitors would have to make do with just 150 fans, and as The Babbage Islands found out, it wasn't easy playing on a military base.

Col Westhall had other things to worry about. He was due for a promotion to Brigadier soon — and to have the FAL rip up its agreement with the MoD would all but scupper his chances of becoming a general. His career in the military had been a hard-earned one, including being decorated with an Army Commandership for actions in the line of fire during the Outer Islands Insurgency. He really did not want to lose his long-awaited promotion to the generalship on the back of a silly side project.

Col Westhall's assistants in the backroom staff were Majors John Silsby and Owen Tynell of the 14th Armoured and Cavalry Division, 301st and Headquarters Battalions respectively. Both majors were also in line for promotions to lieutenant-colonel, and although their promotions would not necessarily be affected by the team's apparent failure, both men knew that it would go on their records, unspoken about but existing. The players could afford to be less concerned, however. They all knew that promotions awaited them should they do the impossible, but as long as they did their best, no one could fault them. They weren't professionals, after all.

The Ministry of Defence's Active Sport and Wellbeing Unit weren't having a fun time, either. Phones were ringing off the hook every hour — if not from the FAL breathing down their backs, then from yet another of those pesky reporters, student journalists, and citizen bloggers — those were the worst type — trying to get quotes for stories and posts. The head of ASWU, Air Marshal Jeremy Petrovsky, was coming under serious pressure from his colleagues in the MoD to pull the plug on the experiment, before the team even really had had a chance to prove themselves.

Westhall had been told by Petrovsky, in no uncertain terms, that he needed a win against Michael VII. The FAL had indicated they would use their option of firing the manager if their minimum target wasn't met by the halfway point. "You know what that means for that brigadiership of yours," Petrovsky had quietly added. Now, as the team gathered on another of the Borleai pitches to train (the whole team were staying together on base at the Borleai Defence Base away from their regular units for at least the duration of the experiment), Westhall told his assistants what was in the air.

One sound was all it took to jolt them out of their misery, however.

BANG!

As everyone instinctively dropped to the ground, all Westhall could hear was someone yelling for the base medic...

by **Socialist States Owen** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:24 pm

Poor FSSO defending continues in sluggish defeat
Clint Covey reports from Bastion Arena, Bastion, FSSO (Attendance: 89,401)

FSSO - 2
Kendrick (OG) 40
Thomas 76

CIVIL CITIZENRY - 4
Bond 19,
Feeney (OG) 25
Pollock 51
Royce 72 (Pen)
Kendrick s/o 75

Ben Randall slammed his players 'lack of passion' after they slipped to a poor 2-4 home defeat against Civil Citizenry.

The Citiz players came to FSSO expecting a draw to get this fixture out of the way, but were handed victory as the FSSO again were found lacking at the back; for the third game in a row the FSSO let in four goals, despite in every one of these games not playing badly enough overall to concede so many. The first example of this incompetence this time round came 19 minutes into the game, which had been quiet so far, when Brigham Bond tapped in from a goalmouth scramble after the FSSO failed to clear an unimaginative corner. Six minutes later it was 0-2 and it became rather obvious the FSSO were going down for a second consecutive game at home as Nick Feeney headed the ball over an infuriated Simon Neeson (who came in to goal for Daniel Belgrave, who took a knock before the game).

The FSSO did manage to get a goal back before half time as the Citiz side made their own error - Lester Kendrick rather comically volleyed the ball past his own keeper and captain, Gerard Diamond, when he had the simplest of clearances to make when under pressure from Paul Fessner. Ben Randall made a number of changes for this game and will have regretted it as the unorganised team failed to take their chances; and gifted them to a surprisingly downbeat Citiz side. They went 1-3 up thanks to a well taken Parker Pollock strike from the edge of the box - although the FSSO were let down again by poor officials as he appeared to handball before hitting it.

The Citiz players began to switch off as the second half went on but managed to go 1-4 up with a goal against the run of play as the FSSO finally found some sort of rhythm. Nick Feeney was adjudged to have brought down Miller Royce inside the box from a hopeful Pollard-Beck long ball, although replays show he went down very lightly despite some contact. Royce stepped up to take the penalty and slipped slightly as he took it on the wet grass, but skillfully managed to keep his foot at the right angle to turn it into the net. Civil Citizenry perhaps hoped to avenge their 5-1 humiliation several years earlier at the hands of a then anonymous FSSO team, but their defeat was dampened late on as Kendrick was sent off for a dangerous tackle on Sam Thomas as he ran out of the box to close him down. Thomas scored a header from the resulting free kick.

It was a good result for Civil Citizenry despite a moderate performance, although hopefully we will turn up when we go to their place. Regardless it was a wet cold night in the Bastion Arena and they coped with the pressure well - whilst their fans didn't. Despite having seen their team win a potentially difficult tie 4-2, there was some violence in the stands and anti-Citiz government banners were held up as 67 Citiz fans were arrested and interned by police, unlikely to face hurried calls for repatriation from their homeland. It was therefore somewhat ironic that the FSSO fans finished the game jubilant (as they always seem to, even in defeat) as the chants rained down from the stands at the Citiz fans reflecting their terrible economic crisis - rather callously in the view of this reporter, with chants such as "You've got no fucking money! No fuckkkking monnnney!", "You're getting laid off in the morning! Laid off in the mornnnning, and we're not talkin' to your coach!" and perhaps most nastily "We've got all your jobs, got all your jobbbbbbbbs, why not come work for us, we've got all your jobs!"

Five FSSO fans were also arrested for attempting and failing to incite racist anti-Citiz chants, which was seen as too far by the rest of the faithful. However, the police failed to keep taunting 'wallet waving' celebrations by the FSSO fans in...CHEQUE, HAH! Ok, the editor says thats too far. I retract that. In fact I wish to employ all of my linguistic skills to apologise...it's a shame they can't employ all of their people to get them some food AHAHAHA-

THE REPORTER RESPONSIBLE HAS BEEN SACKED AND REPLACED.

HallOOO thar! It is I, dEx-

NOT THIS AGAIN.

FSSO Player Ratings

40. Simon Neeson - 5/10
2. Nick Feeney - 4/10
5. Mike Humphrey - 5/10
21. Grant Davis - 3/10
23. Nicholas Kerr - 4/10
7. James McCroft - 5/10
24. Persa Ryans - 7/10
28. Clive Dawson - 5/10
11. Josh Stevenson - 6/10
14. Simon Xavier - 2/10
25. Sam Thomas - 7/10

Man of the Match - Persa Ryans

Next up: We have another tough game next, away at Karditan.

by **Erathore** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:49 pm

What a poor game that had been. A chance to go into second place wasted. It had been a shit game with a shit result against Carpathia and Ruthenia. 0-0. Neither team had really created an opportunity. And that was not acceptable for a team of their power. Alexio Del Nieran slammed his fist into his bed. A bunch of disappointments. Why couldn't a team boasting the the attacking skill of the highest scorers in several different leagues put the ball in the damn net when it mattered? Why could the two time Champions Cup finalist and one time winner, a globe-cup semifinalist, domestic cup, domestic league winners pull off anything against the 75th ranked team in the world. Bloody disappointing.

And that 3-1 loss to Krytenia? Even worse. They had gone up early, thanks to himself scoring with a free kick, but thrown away the lead. Jão Morinson, who had had a superb start, seemed to have fizzled out. It was time for a change. As the teams Captain for a long time, and the current vice-captain, he had a responsibility to do something. Isidoro Nao needed playing time. He was a superb player. He was an Outstanding Lad. Plenty of goals, caps, and awards. He would do it. Del Nieran, in a blinding moment of speed and skill, whipped out his mobile and opened it at the same time.

He went to his contacts. No wait, that was his games. No that was actually his music library. Del Nieran muttered under his breath, "How the bugger do you use this thing. Wouldn't hurt to make it simple now would it?" Right finally to his contacts. Time to find Marcello Dizarino in there. He typed in M…wait why did it jump to the G section? Now it was down to D! "What the hell?" Ah finally! Marcello Dizarino. Right time to call him! "Oh hell." Now it was trying to send him a text message. "Oh fuck all of it. I'm just going to hit the call button. Stupid thing." And fortunately that worked and the phone started ringing.

He got the answering machine. "Hey Marcello, it's me. Del Nieran. Look boss, Jão really hasn't been effective these past few games. Maybe he needs some rest. Which is convenient because Isidoro Nao really deserves some playing time. Also Ricardo Villa plays better as a striker. Soooo it would make sense to move him up front with Ringëril. And have Nao take his place alongside me in the midfield, whilst putting Jão on the bench. Thanks for listening to me Gaffer. Just looking out for the team. See you at the next practice."

"See you at the next practice." Dizarino let the message play out. Well the lad had read his mind, had seen the same issue and plotted the same solution he had. Maybe there was a future for him as a manager. One of the best Erathi players on history becoming a manager? That would be great. Dizarino sighed.

Jão was certainly playing well below par. He needed a break during their next qualifying game. And so Dizarino re-arranged the pieces of the chess game that was football. Villa and Ringëril up front, with Nao and Del Nieran behind them. Piqué was finally fit but could use with another matchday of rest. Mañel was playing great but he could use a breather too. Chris Wilnerd would get the start. Good stuff.

This was their year.

by **Jeruselem** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:16 pm

Somewhere in Nethertopia ...

Amy: I'm Amy Pond for Naked News Jeruselem, and I'm with Princess Sofia.
Sofia: Morning folks, YEAHHHHHHHHH!
Amy: You all know Jeruselem beat the hosts Nethertopia 2-1 and Jeru FC won too in our last sports report.
Sofia: But know we're doing a music review.
Amy: Yes, today's album is Monk on the Edge by MC MONKY L-MAN
Sofia: I can't work out the name. Shouldn't it be MC L-MAN MONK?

Amy: Anyway, what you think of this album. It's really hot in ASMV. Well, it's not doing well in Jeruselem but them Vegais are going crazy over the MONKY MAN.
Sofia: The MONKY sure has talent and his choice of topics is rather expected though. I can see why Vegais are going nuts over the Monk.
Amy: So how many nudies would go give it.
Sofia: Putting aside my distrust of monks and all, 4 nudies.
Amy: Wow, you don't give 4 out very often.
Sofia: He's definitely got sense of timing and knows how to put together a good song.

Amy: Which is your favourite?
Sofia: It's Dismissal, the last song.
Amy: I prefer Word Up. I wonder if we wears the same stuff if he makes a video?
Sofia: I think he would.
Amy: Now you're releasing one of your new singles early.
Sofia: Err, yes - somehow the folks in ASMV got hold of "I know you like to watch"

Amy: Is that the one of you in shower?
Sofia: Yes, it's that one.
Amy: Some people might think it's too naughty.
Sofia: Who cares, like everyone sees us naked on TV anyway.
Amy: Question is, would you sing any MONKY MAN songs?
Sofia: No, it wouldn't sound right and I can't rap to save my life.

Amy: Hey, someone sent me a remix.
Sofia: Yeah?
Amy: They remixed some of your and MONKY MAN's songs together.
Sofia: God, must sound awful.
Amy: I liked it.
Sofia: You have weird taste in music.

In another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

Amy: That's it from us.
Sofia: Yeah, see you all later.

The one, the one, the one, the one

And in another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

by **Qazox** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:53 pm

World Cup 59
The Road to History

5-0-0. Not too often Qazox reaches that record during qualifying. Usually the team has an early loss or draw against a team that they should have beaten. But to think that being unbeaten guarantees any success is the 2nd of the 7 deadly footballing sins. During World Cup 33 qualifying Qazox went 15-3-0, the best record in team history during qualifying. What did that get the team? Nothing but a first round exit from the World Cup. While beating everyone in your group during qualifying sounds good, it only really helps if you are not one of the top 2 or 3 seeds in the group.

As for today's match in Kulumba, Qazox took control early on a goal from Greg Shaw in the 28th minute; but Kevin Davis struck back in the 42nd to sent the match to half tied at one-all. As Qazox had shown throughout qualifying so far, the Eagles are a tough team to contain for 90 minutes. Shaw added another goal in the 63rd minute to make the scoreline 2-1. Tomas Vera, who came in for a very underachieving Daniel Spaatz in the 68th minute, added the final goal in the 80th minute.

While many teams start out hot, around the mid-qualifying break is when most of the stranger upsets occur. The first couple of weekends do have their share of upsets, as does the final weekend; but around this time is when fatigue usually sets in on the better teams and they play sloppy football. Other than the Gyatso-Kai match, however, the Eagles haven't seemed to be too fatigued and hopefully against 0-5-0 United Soviet Countries, Qazox can maintain their edge. USC has lost all of their games so far, but all 5 have been 1 goal losses, so perhaps it is more a matter of bad luck than poor skill that has seen them to their record.

After the USC game, qualifying will come to a half for 3 weeks, then the second half of qualifying will begin and the Road to History will truly start in earnest.

by **Cowardly Pacifists** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:57 pm

The C.P. Sports Report
The First Publication Dedicated to Sports News in the Armed Republic of Cowardly Pacifists

CHICKENS LOSING STREAK REACHES 5 STRAIGHT AS STRUGGLING SQUAD FALLS 0-1 TO KO-OREN

Box Score
Frightened Chickens: 0 Ko-oren: 1

Sunday, April 1st - Phrytton, A.R.C.P.

Game Recap: Playing offense was clearly a low priority for the struggling CPFC as they faced middle-ranked Ko-oren in the Chickendome. Devastated by the loss of team captain Brian Craven (leg) and DM Craig Wimpson (suspension), the team fell back on defense, playing in what appeared to be a 6-4-0 formation for most of the game.

Unfortunately the extreme defensive focus could not make up for the loss of two starters. Though he played quite well in the position, William Fleeman was clearly not fully prepared for the responsibility of Stopper. His unfamiliarity at the head of the defense was exposed when Ko-oren Striker Koyane Shiribeshi darted past Substitute DM Michael Cur and made a break for the center of the defensive field. Rather than play up to the man, Fleeman took a step back, giving Shiribeshi a clean shot at the goal. GK Frank Faste was unable to block the shot, giving Ko-oren a 1-0 lead at the 24' mark.

The Chickens rebounded well, finishing the first half with solid play and keeping Ko-oren scoreless in the second half. The match saw a fairly even mix of penalties from the two teams. Ko-oren - obviously still pumped from the 8 goals they managed against the Dutchy - earned a greater share of the fouls, with three yellow cards handed out for hard tackles (Pta Talmi at 6', Fin Fenner at 47', and Sobek Dehenat at 79'). The Chickens also earned three yellows, but only two were for fouls (Michael Cur at 63' and Nathan Neutralle at 81'), with the last given to Substitute FB Bertrand Wylee for wasting time before returning the ball to play at 39'.

Coach Encover commented on the loss as the team headed back to the locker room: "All things considered we played a great match today. We're down two starters and we've got one of our starters playing out of his usual position. On top of that, we just got creamed by the Saugeais Knights and this Ko-oren team put up 8 goals on the Imperial Canadian Dutchy. We had to pull back together and get our defense re-estabished. Considering the scoring display Ko-oren put on just one match ago, I think tonight's scoreboard shows we did that. We'll work on getting the offense going again in our next match."

Encover also discussed the team's two inactive starters: "Brian Craven's leg is still bothering him. He just got tested today, so we won't even know when he'll be back until tomorrow at the earliest. Obviously, we're all pulling for him to make a quick recovery, but I can say for sure that he's out until after the first qualification cycle is complete. Craig Wimpson is another matter. His appeal was heard today, and we might know before our next match whether he's able to compete. But for now, he's still suspended."

Asked about the teams losing streak (now at 5) Encover added: "Look, we've been playing some top ranked teams. Everyone we've seen so far has been about 100 ranks ahead of us or more. Aside from the match against Saugeais, we've been competitive in all of them. Frankly, I'm surprised we've done as well as we have. We finally get a relatively even match with the Imperial Canadian Dutchy next, so we'll see if we can't cap the losing streak off after tonight."

Next Opponent: The Frightened Chickens now go on the road to face the Imperial Canadian Dutchy. The match was billed as the CPFC's best chance at a win in Group #14 play. That chance has been severely diminished of late - with injuries, suspensions, and the epic loss to Saugeais all taking their toll on the Cowardly Pacifists. Whats more, the Dutchy had a bye since their last match in which to rest up and prepare for the Chickens. It's likely they'll be fresh and hungry for some retribution after the humiliating 8-1 loss they suffered against Ko-oren.

Still, the Chickens managed to hold Ko-oren in check even with their depleted squad, and the potential early return of DM Craig Wimpson has many fans optimistic that the CPFC may yet earn a win in the first round of the Group #14 World Cup Qualifiers.

Other BoF News: Other Group #14 results this week saw ₉Mytannion tie ₁₁₈Burchadinger 3 to 3. ₃₁Saugeais and ₆₆Octinstine seemed to play every man on offense in a high scoring match that Saugeais barely eeked out 5-4. The _unrkdImperial Canadian Dutchy was on bye. With the latest results tallied, Mytannion (4-2-0) remains first in Group #14, followed closely by Saugeais (4-1-0). A distant third is Ko-oren (3-0-2), who has Octinstine (2-0-0) following closely behind at fourth (3GD back from Ko-oren). Just a couple points behind them sits Burchadinger (2-1-2), a comfortable fifth. The consistent basement dwellers - the Frightened Chickens (0-0-5) and the Imperial Canadian Dutchy (0-0-5) - remain as they have throughout the qualifiers: CP in 6th; ICD in 7th (4GD back).

The current World Cup Darling is Group #8's The Holy Empire, who has finished their first round of Group play with a staggering stat-line of 6-0-0, 29GF 12GA +17GD. Offensive powerhouse of the Week goes to Group #137's Bears Armed, who put up 7 points against Darmen. Defensive Honors go to Group #11's Cosumar, who shut-out The Royal Kingdom of Quebec while also scoring an impressive 5 goals on offense. Honorable mention goes to Group #15's Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, who is the only team left in the World Cup Qualifiers who has yet to be scored on.

by **Sativaville** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:26 pm

Stoners lose twice!

By law we couldn't report yesterday, as April 1st is New Year's Day in Sativaville. One would think it would be April 20th.. but our founder was a bit of a joker.

As for the games, we lost to Pheonixaugusta or is it Philadeltrionia or Phoenigetuzstha 3-1, though Gordon Weaver finally scored. But the Ph-people scored on goals from Mithridates Tauras and Himilco Annibasti and Hamilqart Mithral. At least the unpronouncable nation has pronouncable names, unlike the Joes of Carmadin.

Then we lost to Archosaur or Archodille or Archregimancy 5-2, as the traditional 9-hour long national anthem put the Stoners to sleep. When they finally awoke with 10 minutes left in the match, it was 5-0 Monkees. We think that Fr. Laurence MC Monky L-Man, the #1 recording artist in the world at the moment scored all 5 goals, but I'm not sure, as I slept through most of the match as well. But Gordon weaver scored twice in the final 10 minutes (84th and 88th) to at least keep the Stoners from being shut-out.

And finally, Jeru FC will play us. A Bunch of Drunks and Stoners playing soccer? That alone is worth the price of admission.

by **Aguazul** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:50 pm

"Hey, Sosimo," smiled Mejia. "Sit down."

Sosimo sat on the edge of his chair, gripping the armrests unconsciously.

"How...well. Let's start on something specific. Apparently the popularity of music associated with the World Cup is climbing rather high. Would you consider some kind of, how you say, reprise? Raise money for some charity or whatever. Or keep it, I'm not bothered."

Sosimo narrowed his eyes. "Could this even possibly involve another trip to Andossa Se Mitrin Vega?"

"Possibly."

"Then it's out of the question."

"Fair enough," Mejia shrugged. "Out of curiosity, under what possible circumstances would it be time for "that" song? Or would you even know?"

Sosimo leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. "You're here. I'm here. Twenty of the team is here, and you don't seem to have a clue either about the others. That's not a compliment, but under the circumstances it's as good as." He bit his lips. "And, and, we're undefeated and in first place. Among other things. Nothing in the wars have changed, have they?"

"Not to my knowledge," shrugged Mejia, "though as you've seen, my knowledge isn't much."

He set the chair back down. "I love this team. And like I said, right now I tend to believe you. But if you know more than you're letting on...I won't stand for it."

"Of course not!" Mejia raged. Perhaps Sosimo was selling him too short; perhaps he'd already dried up.

"Okay. If you're not trying to tease me about music, what's up?"

"I want to know how the players are doing. Anything you've picked up on, that maybe I've missed?"

"Hmm." He closed his eyes, again. "Fabián is trouble, like I said before. He's mad at Muño for leaving, he's mad at Eusebio for winning the thing, he's mad at Macario for...I guess also winning the thing. Look, coach, you know you're going to have to rest Macario eventually, right? He's too young to push all the way like this, especially with Fabián giving him flak."

Mejia nodded.

"Three defenders or something. Play five or six in the midfield."

"I'm considering it."

"Yeah. Sure. After our second one versus zero after the scoreless tie," Sosimo teased.

"Says our goalscorer."

He blushed. "Of course, there's the Yakoleva clause."

"The what?"

"I was...trying to gauge how Jimeno was doing. Not that we really need him at this point but might as well not let him get too worked up about things before he knew what was going on. And he just mentioned that depending on...not to jinx anything...depending...you can, you know. You can find 23 players. The WCC doesn't care."

It was Mejia's turn to close his eyes and tap the desk irritably. "Jimeno is idealistic and has been playing abroad for a few seasons. I think he forgets that the WCC headquarters exist more or less completely at our government's whims. And that I wouldn't do anything without word from the head of our football association. Who is still gorging himself on Citiz food," he sighed. "Can you please write another verse about what to do when the head of your association is overeating overseas?"

Sosimo gave a faint smile. "See, you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Focusing on a...on your job. Your job and your life. They call it selfish but...it's you."

"Oh?" Mejia wrinkled his forehead. "No, no, no, it's Amendola's job! And he's not here!"

Sosimo laughed. "Okay. So. We keep on struggling as we are?"

"For now," said Mejia. "But it's not a struggle, is it? Not yet? That's what you mean."

Sosimo nodded. Then he blinked, nervous. "Coach?"

"Yeah?"

"What...what if Blén win?"

by **Yesopalitha** » Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:40 pm

Carmadin 0-0 Yesopalitha

Boxscore:

Carmadin 0

Yesopalitha 0

An excerpt from the news broadcast:
41^st minute - "Hilary Vander Rox to Jane, Jane to Jacks-Bentley, who is in wonderful position here. And he shoots - it's saved by Jahp, a nice save by the Carmadin keeper..."
52^nd minute - "Othozur on a breakaway, dodges Galvin, one on one with Patricia. Othozur shoots to the left - and WHAT A SAVE! Patricia Sweeney grabs it with one hand, and throws it to Galvin... Yesopalitha dodges a bullet there..."
77^th minute - "Not many opportunities left for either team now, as Jacks-Bentley takes the corner. He crosses it over, and Hilary is going for the header! She heads it - and it falls directly into Jahp's hands for the save... What a chance that was..."

After the Game - Sir James Handel
"It was a hard-fought draw. We knew that we had to handle Carmadin if we wanted a chance of finishing third in our group or perhaps even qualifying. Losing to The Archregimancy and Jeru FC had set us back, but this draw, I think it's just what we needed before the bye and then the second round of teams. Our offense was a bit off kilter today, but Jahp had a fantastic game in goal, so don't take anything away from the Carmadin keeper. I'll try to keep my troops sharp, we'll rest up a bit, and then try to do better during the second leg. I am proud of this team, for scrounging together ten points in the first leg of group play. And hats off to Patricia - that was by far her best game of the qualifying cycle so far."
After the Game - Patricia Sweeney
"I've been lucky, you know, to have my teammates scoring all those goals for me while I was struggling. It was nice to pay them back with a game like the one I had today. I hope that it's a start of a new trend where both the offense and the defense, including me, can help each other out in order that we achieve all that we can possibly achieve as a cohesive unit - a team."

From YesopalithaFlames.net

1. Who was the best player on the pitch for the Flames?
1. Patricia Sweeney 89%
2. Hilary Vander Rox 10%
3. Others 1%

2. Are you happy with the way the Flames have played so far?
1. Yes 75%
2. No 25%

Analysis: Sweeney's goalkeeping didn't go unnoticed as she won player of the match by an overwhelming margin. The fans like the effort so far, as well. Yesopalitha next has a bye.

Detailed questionnaire about the first half of Yesopalitha's qualifying soon!

by **Jeru FC** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:24 am

Assistant coach Princess Shay and player Felicia Day

Day: Princess, I have question.
Shay: Sure, what is it?
Day: Why are we paid so little?
Shay: Because the army pay you, we don't.
Day: Oh, what about you and Karra?
Shay: That's different.
Day: Why?
Shay: If the army paid our wages, you wouldn't have any coaches.
Day: Oh yes ...
Shay: That's the way it is.
Day: I save my money, but I don't have much anyway.
Shay: Oh yes, your wardrobe is like 5 dresses.
Day: I even recycle underwear.
Shay: What about army issued stuff?
Day: That stuff is so daggy, even grandma would refuse to wear it.
Shay: I don't have problems like that.
Day: But you have money, we don't.
Shay: Not to worry, you'll get your bonus.
Day: It's not much though.
Shay: Better than sticking coals down your pants.
Day: That sounds painful.
Shay: Don't worry girl, you'll find a rich husband.
Day: Well, that would be nice. You aren't married ...
Shay: I don't need to be.
Day: Oh yes, that's right.

by **Ko-oren** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:47 am

Time to get a win streak going

Cowardly Pacifists – Ko-oren 0-1

Ko-oren won for the second time in a row, yesterday in the Chickendome at Cowardly Pacifists. As both teams played defensively, it took a while before the match got underway, and it did not take as much time for the match to lose its tempo again. Fans saw a fair share of yellows for both teams, although unexpected.
Shiribeshi was the savior for Ko-oren, that struggled to get a hold in this match. Faced with a defensive 6-4-0 tactic, and as the own defensive tactics were not to be abandoned, it was difficult to reach the strikers. Shiribeshi ultimately profited from a flaw in the CPFC defense.

There were more than enough fouls; six yellow cards total, three for either team. Ko-oren saw Talmis, Fenner and Dehenat booked. This means that Dehenat will be suspended for the next match, as this is not his first yellow during this qualification. CPFC saw Cur, Nuetralle and substitute Wylee booked.

MA Pta Talmis responded: “We were faced with such a team that made us lose our concentration – I felt like I needed to do something. We didn’t know how long the match would even last for, and I think my foul reinvigorated the team. And before you mention it, you really may end a sentence with a preposition.” Scorer Koyane Shiribeshi: “That Fleeman really was a Good Guy Greg today. Thanks to him, I had a chance to score… Unfortunately we couldn’t do 8 like last match.” Midfielder MSc Ul Leire: “Five consecutive losses will be a problem to the team. But I’d like to see them turn it around against the Dutchy, they should be able to.”

KSN Poll of the Day:
Ko-oren will beat Octinstine.
Yes: 48%
No: 47%
Maybe: 5%

Starting 11's

Faste
Hyder
Fleeman
Craven
Duckler
Peacefield
Wimpson
Shivrson
Flinchmun
Yeller
Nuetralle

Asgard
Buhen
Dehenat
Nidog
Hel
Leire
Fenner
Talmis
Idrasil
Tokachi
Shiribeshi

Match Stats:
0 Goals 1
1 Shots on Target 4
4 Shots total 9
3 Yellow Cards 3
0 Red Cards 0
43% Possession 57%

Cowardly Pacifists 0–1 Ko-oren
Octinstine 4–5 Saugeais
Burchadinger 3–3 Mytannion
1 Mytannion 14p
2 Saugeais 13p
3 Ko-oren 9p
4 Octinstine 9p
5 Burchadinger 7p
6 Cowardly Pacifists 0p
7 The imperial canadian dutchy 0p

by **New Montreal States** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:47 am

New Montreal Presse-Journal Devoir
"Our expense account is larger than some national GDPs"
Internal Memorandum Form

FROM: Bertrand Desmarais, Publisher
TO: ALL EDITORS, ALL JOURNALISTS, ALL PRINT TECHS, ALL MARKETING, ALL DELIVERY, ALL SUPPORT STAFF
RE: YOUR COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF ANY FUCKING PROFESSIONALISM WHATSOEVER

Congratulations, ladies and gentlemen! That's two consecutive matchdays on which you geniuses completely screwed the pooch. For the benefit of those of you that have smoked and drunk your cerebrums into jello (to wit, all of you), let me remind you of the front page 117,898,400 subscribers from here to Notre-Père-le-Miséricordieux found on their front steps the morning after the Dorian and Sonya match:

The front page is blank except for: wrote:Wao-au-ah, wa-a-aah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the big white Dome where the A.C. blows.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying: Milchama, we are coming!

On we sweep with drunken roar, Inside your goal will be another score!

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the big white Dome where the A.C. blows.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of the half-dozen goals we scored. We are your overlords.

On we sweep with drunken roar, Inside your goal will be another score!

So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite, despite of all your losing.
Yeah, right!

As the Sports Desk has taken great pains to remind me, this was the first time since WC33 that the Paladin Dome attendees broke out the old standard. Yes, I know it was the Paladins' biggest win since they reformed and headed off to ASMV for the DI. And yes, I know that song can bring a room of drunken strangers together in no time. Believe me, my neighbors were screaming it in their backyards all night long, every fifteen minutes, like clockwork. That does not excuse you all from filling in people on how their worlds have changed in the last 24 hours, or at least telling the story about the three drunks who got arrested after the match for trying to use a drain-pumping truck to pump all the balls out of the ball pit at a Charley Burger as "a gift for Guillaume Ouillemet." You know, the stuff that pays the bills around here, and your paychecks.

And if you twits want to keep collecting those, I'd better never seen you do anything like what's happened around here during the day before, and the day after the Armed Bears match. Whoever brought in the grizzly-bear pinata stuffed with 600 two-ounce bottles of hard booze while I was out to lunch with my wife and mother-in-law will be fired the moment I find out who the responsible parties are! I couldn't help but notice the distinct lack of work that got done that entire afternoon, or the fact that a full two-thirds of the staff called in sick blaming "food poisoning from the cafeteria chicken à la king." I checked the menu, dipshits. They were serving chicken tenders and mashed potatoes that day. Although maybe you drunks didn't know about the mashed potatoes, considering the fact that someone seems to have emptied the drawer where I keep all the disciplinary records and filled it with twenty-seven pounds of cafeteria mashed potatoes. I HAVE PUT A CAMERA IN MY OFFICE! ANYONE TRYING THIS AGAIN WILL BE FIRED! And if I ever catch the nincompoops who dumped the mashed potatoes in company furniture, his/her ass will be on the street, and the cafeteria will charge them for the cost of the mashed potatoes!

Most distressing of all is what happened to my stress bear the afternoon before the Armed Bears match. As you comedic geniuses are all fond of reminding me, I keep a replica of Paddington Bear on my desk. Considering my family history of hypertension, it helps me relieve stress, like the kind you people keep dumping on me all day. Apparently while I was down in accounting trying to figure out how to make back all the money we lost thanks to your idiot front-page shenanigans, some group of jokers took it on themselves to steal Paddington out of my office. According to the note made up of cut-and-pasted bits of back headlines, you put Paddington on trial for "high treason to the New Montreal States and to the great institution of the New Montreal Presse-Journal Devoir." I subsequently found the remains of my bear in lot C, where he had apparently been burnt at the stake. Needless to say, if I find out who took it on themselves to be judge, jury and executioner for something my doctor says could help me make it past 60, you will be fired, then re-hired so I can immediately fire you again.

Coffee will now be 50¢ a cup until enough money has been raised to buy a replacement for Paddington.

On a more positive note, congrats to Wayne for coming up with "Getting the Bears Off Of Their Backs" as the headline for the sports page the day after the Armed Bears win. Well done!

Sincerely,

Bertrand

by **Cassadaigua** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 2:55 am

Responding when calls don’t go your way,
by Taylor Connolly

Well I was hoping to just forget all of the additional drama that surrounded the game against the FSSO. After all, surely, the applicable soccer/football committee would come out and speak against the post-game drama. Surely, the media would condemn the actions of the fans, and CASE (Cassadagan Association for Soccer Excellence) would accept the apology, and we would get back to soccer. Unfortunately, this is not the case and in my opinion, is the reason why we have won multiple championships in many different sports, and the FSSO has won nothing. Unless you consider something called a Market Cup an accomplishment. What is that anyway, a grocery shopping competition?

Their manager, and I use that word with a grain of salt, Ben Randall, threw a temper tantrum after I scored the go-ahead goal. So, all those young kids in the FSSO that were either watching in the stands or at home got a good idea on the mature way in which their team is led. Instead of getting on Mike Humphrey for pretty much stopping when he “thought” an offsides would be whistled, he tossed what appeared to be a water bottle in the stands, narrowly missing a 3-year old in the second row. In contrast, and if anyone from the Polar Islandstates happen to be reading this, they know the story: the Di Bradini Cup when a Polarian goal was allowed to stand up after being clearly offsides, proving to be the only score in a 1-0 win for one of the nations that will be co-hosting this very World Cup. Goalkeeper Zoey Anderson briefly stated her case in a calm manner, as did coach Meaghan Bateman (who coaches both the junior and the senior team), for a few seconds before we returned to action. Instead of a temper tantrum, CASE simply filed a protest to the organizers from Civil Citizenry. We played well in the rest of that game though were unable to win, but it was a defining moment of character-building for that team as they went on all the way to the Di Bradini Cup championship. What was the FSSO response to Randall’s behavior? Surrendering ANOTHER goal ten minutes later. I love, by the way, how their media has elected to claim that my free kick was poor. If five of their players failed to clear it, it couldn’t have been that poor, could it? Lol! Actually that was all by design because we knew their defense was still sobbing over the supposed non-call, and it worked to perfection. Their media claims at the end of the game we and the refs were booed after the match, but I bet about half that was directed at their own side for their complete loss of composure.

Now, there were some absurdities that took place after the game, especially considering the torching of our chartered jet. Here is a transcript of Stacie Kerrigan-Fraser’s (CASE President) about the incident:

Code: Select all: At first we were thinking we would sue, but let’s face it we are a much better nation then they are and are not going to stoop to their level. The focus of CASE and the Cassadagan National Team is on qualifying for the World Cup as we believe we have quite a strong team that can do damage in the actual Cup if we get there. This is a difficult group though and it requires us to maintain a high level of focus. Any kind of legal action from our nation, with “frightening” economy, towards theirs with a “fair” economy is pretty much pointless bullying. When the FSSO comes here later, they will be treated in a highly respectful way, much the way we welcome all nations and their fans to our great nation. Hopefully, that can then serve as an example to their fans. In the meantime, they can work on fixing up that defense that has now allowed 12 goals in their last three games.

Queen Cassie also made a brief statement:

Code: Select all: While the torching of our chartered jet could be seen as an act of terrorism, no one was injured and we will just consider it a done deal. It’s pretty silly if they think we owe them anything, though.

Well, so much for that. I had received a lot of comments and e-mails about that, so I figured I needed to spend time talking about that a little more then the 2-1 win over the Kytler Peninsulae. That was obviously, a much more standard and professional soccer game, and all the fans from Kytler that made it to Concord Heights seemed to have an enjoyable time despite seeing their team lose. They are a newer nation, but they the seasoned composure and respect for the sport as a long-time veteran of the game.

by **The Babbage Islands** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:56 am

The Bumblebees buckled down and got the most important win of the schedule, 2-1 away against Milchama, and now sit alone atop Group Four in World Cup qualifying. And the silence of the boo-birds is deafening. You know, Manning Pelham really does know a thing or two about this game.

We hit the pitch in Milchama in a 4-6 for the first time this tournament. Joey Baldwin got a back line start, and Joachim Erhardt was tapped to run the offence with Aubrey Dew on the bench. The teams traded goals in the last ten minutes of the first half to go into the interval 1-1. Our goal was classic Dagrún Hallvarðsdóttir slashing in from the wing; theirs came off the head of Colin Floyd four minutes later.

The second half was a defensive struggle. Pelham sat Katja Mira down for the first time this Cup season to put a fresh Chloe Packer in back. The Viktoria Baden wingback added new energy to the defence, and two more substitutions did the same for the attack. All three substitutes contributed to the game-winning goal, on a play started by Packer's outright theft and clearance to Tristan St-Pierre. Tristan brought the ball up, evading tacklers, and found towering Aubrey Dew in the box in her natural role. The pass was on target, Dew made no mistake, and it was 2-1 Bumblebees.

Now we play fifth-place Novikov in Belgium to end the first half of qualifyng, and the group has settled into a probable three-team scuffle. We're on 11 points from five matches, Milchama and Kagdazka and Pazhujebu are on 10 each. They're four points clear of the rest of the group. Form is telling, to be sure, and if it stays this close any missteps will be costly.

Before I send this off I should note the latest dictum from the FFB and FĈB offices, this one about foreign players. They want to hit the reset button on international signings, sensibly grandfathering existing contracts but coupling a three-foreigners-per-team limit with active recruitment of players to actually bring some to each team. This topic has been visited several times over the years. The difference appears to be one of marketing -- but that can, sometimes, be all the difference you need. I know that feelers are out in Filopines, Zenega, Yesopalitha, Astograth, and Seven Wonders so far, doubtless with many more to come.

Smile!

The Road to World Cup 59

Round 1: Erikkesh 2-3 Bumblebees
Solis (Miller 45) - NSvoboda, Jurado, Valle Barajas, Mira - Karven, White, Dew (Erhardt 79), Dagrún - GSvoboda, Keisler (Stevens 72). Goals: GSvoboda 2 (19, 65), Keisler (54).

Round 3: Bumblebees 0-0 Kagdazka and Pazhujebu (Capital Stadium, Charleston)
Miller - NSvoboda (Powell 61), Baldwin, Valle Barajas, Mira - Karven, St-Pierre (White 74), Dagrún, Dew - GSvoboda, Kroymann (Keisler 80).

Round 4: Liventia 1-2 Bumblebees
Miller - Powell, Baldwin, Nelson (Valle Barajas 68), Mira - Liang, White, Erhardt (Dew 45), Heath - Keisler, Stevens (Ingi 77). Goals: Keisler (47), Stevens (66).

Round 5: Bumblebees 0-0 Michael VII (Whitecliff Stadium, Dover)
Miller - NSvoboda, Jurado, Valle Barajas, Mira - Karven (Liang 70), White (St-Pierre 62), Dew, Dagrún - GSvoboda (Kroymann 76), Stevens.

Round 6: Milchama 1-2 Bumblebees
Miller - NSvoboda, Baldwin, Valle Barajas, Mira (Packer 66) - Karven, Liang, White (St-Pierre 75), Erhardt, Dagrún, GSvoboda (Dew 75). Goals: Dagrún (39), Dew (80).

Round 7: Bumblebees v Novikov (Memorial Park, Belgium)
Round 8: Bumblebees v Erikkesh (The U.F.O., Cardston)
Round 10: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu v Bumblebees
Round 11: Bumblebees v Liventia (The Great Dome, Gernsback)
Round 12: Michael VII v Bumblebees
Round 13: Bumblebees v Milchama (Ijak-Nash Stadium, Paris)
Round 14: Novikov v Bumblebees

World Cup 59 RP Thread

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