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Postby Legalese » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:29 pm


Roster Thread
Scores and Next Fixtures Thread (Link TBA)

Welcome to the 34th AOCAF Cup! This competition, the longest-running regional association football competition in NS, returns to Legalese for the second time in its history. This iteration brings with it a number of new and old names, as well as a unique format, designed to heighten interest and implications for all teams at each level. The Preliminaries open with a power-pairing format, with all twenty-four entrants liable to play any five of their twenty-three opponents. However, to get the first set of pairings, we needed to draw them out. The draw was conducted this evening, and resulted in the following pairings for Matchday 1, along with their stadium assignments (more info on the stadia follows):

Dorian & Sonya v. Kagdaza & Pazhujebu - Wilson Gulch, Sagdineo
Milchama v. Nellietopia - City Pitch, Brecorn
Cosumar v. The Bear Islands - Highfield, Quinfrancis

95X v. Legalese - National Stadium, Legalese City
Audioslavia v. Cafundeu - Protectorate Road, Tiberia
New Montreal States v. The Icemark - Robertson Pitch, Plainsview

Burchadinger v. Ipeland - Caerangelion, Numalia
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega v. Armed Beers - The Coliseum, Tyrellia
Pacitalia v. Osarius - Mallaber International Field, Okerson

Unitopolis v. New West Guiana - Sien Cove, Sien Bay
Inis na Dun v. Zarbli - Jackson Memorial Stadium, Layton
Valanora v. Vilita & Turori - Badger Dome, Brookholt

The schedule for the AOCAF will be as follows:

March 3: MD 1 Scorinated; MD 2 fixtures paired.
March 5: MD 2 Scorinated; MD 3 fixtures paired.
March 7: MD 3 Scorinated; MD 4 fixtures paired.
March 9: MD 4 Scorinated; MD 5 fixtures paired.
March 11: MD 5 Scorinated; Championship Phase set, along with any playoffs for the final slots, if needed.
March 12: Playoffs to pare down to eight for the Championship Phase (if necessary).
March 16: Championship Phase: Quarterfinals
March 18: Semifinals
March 19: 3PPO
March 20: AOCAF XXXIV Championship at National Stadium in Legalese City.

Good luck!
Last edited by Legalese on Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Host/Co-Host of:
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Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
Baptism of Fire IX, XIV, XV, XVI, XLII, LII

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Postby Legalese » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:44 pm

A guide to Legalese locales and stadia


About Legalese: The Judicial Federation of Legalese is a moderate-sized nation in Atlantian Oceania. Its existence dates back to just over 250 years, as evidenced by the Legal Calendar's marking of the year of this AOCAF Cup as year 255. The nation is governed officially by a judicial body known as the High Court of Legalese, which has final judgement on all matters of the law and government; in reality, the nation is a bureaucracy, with nearly all the functions of a nation-state operated by the Bureaucratic Service. The distribution of human services is largely handled on a local level, however, giving most Legalites the appearance of a democratic society, and as such, the government is generally described as stable, having survived in this form for nearly 50 years. In that time, the Judicial Federation expanded its borders across the Nemyan Strait, helping establish a working system of government on the Karin Islands, so named for the natives of the island. This competition showcases many of the facilities among both the mainland and the island.

Over the course of AOCAF XXXIV, the following stadia will be used:

City Pitch, Brecorn
Home of Brecorn City
Capacity: 25,539
-Will host a Quarterfinal

Cougar Stadium, Comunas
Home of Comunas Cougars
Capacity: 31,093
-Will be a Quarterfinal host

Jackson Memorial Stadium, Layton
Home of Layton Mountaineers and Ft. Robinson Engineers
Capacity: 22,212

The Coliseum, Tyrellia
Home of Tyrellia Titans
Capacity: 43,285
-Will host either the host or the #1 seed in the Quarterfinal

Sien Cove, Sien Bay
Home of Sien Bay Pirates
Capacity: 27,401
-Will host a Quarterfinal

Wilson Gulch, Sagdineo
Home of Bekknia Athletic
Capacity: 64,231
-Semifinal host for either the host or the top remaining seed

Mallaber International Field, Okerson
Home of Okerson United
Capacity: 74,034
-Semifinal host

Protectorate Road, Tiberia
Home of The Knights of Tiberia
Capacity: 47,444

Caerangelion, Numalia
Home of Draig Goch FC
Capacity: 55,032
Host of the 3PPO

Highfield, Quinfrancis (S. Francis City)
Home of Argyle Warriors
Capacity: 41,923

Badger Dome, Quinfrancis (Brookholt suburb)
Home of Brookholt Badgers
Capacity: 53,893

Robertson Pitch, Plainsview
Home of Plainsview Aces
Capacity: 32,941

Riverside Park, Tiberia (West Tiberia)
Home of Valinci AFC
Capacity: 36,231

Carter Stadium, Gavelton
Home of Gavelton Bangers
Capacity: 35,690

National Stadium (also referred to as Jordan Stadium), Legalese City
Home of LC Capitals
Capacity: 83,068
Host of the AOCAF XXXIV Championship
Last edited by Legalese on Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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AO: It's not just a place, it's THE PLACE

Winner of Cup of Harmony 55 and Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree II
NS Sports' Primary Proponent of the Casaran System Tournament
Host/Co-Host of:
World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
Baptism of Fire IX, XIV, XV, XVI, XLII, LII

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Postby Legalese » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:57 pm

Also, here are the latest version of the AORRs, which were used in the draw, and will be each team's pre-rank for the AOCAF. Note that the formula is the sum of the following items:
  • Points per game (ppg) from the most recent AOCAF (33) KO rounds * 8
  • PPG from the most recent AOCAF (33) preliminaries * 4
  • PPG from the second-most recent AOCAF (32) KO rounds *4
  • PPG from the second-most recent AOCAF (32) prelims * 2
  • PPG from the third-most recent AOCAF (31) KO rounds * 2
  • PPG from the third-most recent AOCAF (31) prelims * 1
  • A nation's current KPB, if they have one, divided by 4

The rankings, as of AOCAF XXXIV, are as follows. This list is inclusive of all current entrants, as well as past entrants:
1 Cafundeu 48.05
2 Krytenia 40.93
3 Kagdazka and Pazhujebu 36.16
4 Pacitalia 31.93
5 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 26.80
6 Burchadinger 26.23
7 Sarzonia 21.64
8 Valanora 20.10
9 Starblaydia 18.39
10 Dorian and Sonya 17.50
11 Sorthern Northland 17.09
12 The Bear Islands 16.20
13 Jeru FC 11.47
14 Cosumar 11.47
15 New Montreal States 10.72
16 Delaclava 9.32
17 Osarius 8.05
18 Erathore 7.09
19 Savski Venac 7.05
20 Mantwenic 6.77
21 Carpathia and Ruthenia 6.34
22 Inis Na Dun 6.00
23 Vilita 5.70
24 Cheergirls 5.01
25 Ang Grung 5.00
26 Northern Bettia 3.79
27 Milchama 3.27
28 Sportgirls 3.13
29 Ipeland 2.99
30 Legalese 2.22
30 Branta Island 2.09
32 95X 2.00
33 Kos 2.00
34 Scandonia 1.87
35 Bettia 1.78
36 Unitopolis 1.76
37 Indiarga 1.60
38 Bluth Corporation 1.00
39 Port Hawthorne 0.67
40 Tarrentum 0.20
41 Armed Beers 0.00
41 Audioslavia 0.00
41 Nellietopia 0.00
41 New West Guiana 0.00
41 The Icemark 0.00
41 Zarbli 0.00
Last edited by Legalese on Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
Legalese proudly calls Atlantian Oceania its home!
AO: It's not just a place, it's THE PLACE

Winner of Cup of Harmony 55 and Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree II
NS Sports' Primary Proponent of the Casaran System Tournament
Host/Co-Host of:
World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
Baptism of Fire IX, XIV, XV, XVI, XLII, LII

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Postby Audioslavia » Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:18 am

Tiberia, Legalese, Audioslavia's base camp for AOCAF tournament, the country's first foray into international football for over a century. Jeremy Jaffacake folded his arms and looked at the assembled crew. Twenty-two alleged 'footballers', only a handful of whom he'd ever heard of.

Andre-Luis Particle was a nephew of a former Silexheran player, Marc Vauvenargues was a precocious talent from Silexhera, but had been poached for the Audioslavian team by means unknown. Mantzio Janssens had been featured in a magazine or two as one of the stars of the future, but notably as a possible star for Astograth and Sporting Iturributa, rather than for Audioslavia. Jeremy had made turning Mantzio's head his number one priority in the run up to the AOCAF tournament and, although he'd found young Janssens to be a little cold to the idea, he's found Janssens seniors to be more than receptive to both the concept, and the thousands of pounds Jeremy could whip up in bribe money. Jeroen and Colgan were young stars in the Vilitan leagues, apparently related to a couple of Audioslavs that had gone to play in Vilita almost two centuries ago. Jeremy remembered their supposed ancestors well, but these guys may well have just 'borrowed' their surnames and claimed to be Audioslavians. Jeremy neither knew nor cared. They were decent footballers anyway.

That just left Weverton Sporadic. Son of Kelly, the former Silexhera superstar. Just 18 years old, Cafunduese born but with his father's Silexheran blood, a real prospect albeit one without a current club. The rest of the guys lined up? Journeymen at best, as far as he could tell, although Jeremy would welcome being proved wrong.

"So, Weverton" said Jeremy, looking at the young midfielder. "Fit? Raring to go? Ready to pull on the famous claret and green?". Sporadic junior turned to his father, Kelly, whom had been chosen as manager for the team.
"O que ele disse?" said Weverton. Jeremy opened his eyes wide, looking at Kelly, upon whose face there was a sheepish smile.
"You.. you didn't teach him Anglo?
"We live in Cafundeu" said Kelly. "I speak fluent Cafunduese, as does his mother. There was never any need.."
"Well. Good job you're the manager then, isn't it?" said Jeremy, watching Kelly translate the phrase for his son. Weverton listened, turned, and beamed a big smile at Jeremy.
"Si!" came the reply, followed by a few other words Jeremy had no hope of translating.

Twenty minutes later, the team were training under the warm Tiberian sun. The 'players' from the now strictly-amateur Audioslavian and Silexheran leagues were noticeably struggling. The handful of players from Cedrus Soundgardia - a Starblaydi club for Audioslavian refugees and descendents - seemed to be aquitting themselves a little better. Sporadic, Janssens and Vauvenargues were noticeably head and shoulders above their 'compatriots'. Jeremy turned to Kelly, who was watching intently.

"What are our chances?" Jeremy asked
"Slim to none, in terms of winning the thing" replied Kelly, "although we should take at least a couple of points.."
"Explain to me how this cup works, then" said Jeremy, scratching his head, "I've never had to deal with the 'Power-play' formula before"
"Well, it's actually quite simple" began Kelly, "There's twenty-four teams in one group. For the first match, we could be playing anyone not in our 'pot'; our pot, by the way, contains the worst teams, but that's to be expected. After that first match is completed, we play the team next to us in the league so, if we lose 0-5, we'll most likely play a team who also lost by the same scoreline. We continue like that until five games have been completed and then, if memory serves me correctly, the top few teams are put in a little knockout stage"
Jeremy nodded, understanding.
"So, what do we have to do to get into that knockout bracket?" asked Jeremy
"Train harder, firstly" came Kelly's reply, "but I've been thinking about it. If we get a strong team in match one it isn't, necessarily, the end of the world. A defeat might mean we get to play a weak team, which is our best chance for a win. From there, a scraped win over a mid-table team in matchday three will put us in contention, going into the final two games. Qualification for the knockouts is probably beyond us but I'd be disappointed if we didn't come away with five or seven points. Two wins and a draw or a win and two draws."
"Right" said Jeremy
"Either way, this is just the warm-up, isn't it?" asked Kelly, finally taking his eye off the training session, "the real battle is the BoF. The first chance for silverware in an official WCC sanctioned competition..."
"Absolutely" replied Jeremy, "but, y'know...."
"I know" said Kelly. "I know".

On the field, Weverton Sporadic received a square pass and, with a turn of his shoulders and a flick of his boot too fast to make out, dummied the oncoming defender and rounded him with ease, galloping into the box with the ball at his feet. He looked up, looked at the goalie, and tried to pick his spot before... before..
...he was upended by a fairly ferocious shoulder-barge from behind. Kelly blew his whistle as hard as he could and ran over to the field. Jeremy watched him go, and looked over to the prone Weverton, face down on the grass. He looked at the culprit; one 'Ted'. No one knew much about 'Ted'. He'd been in a maximum security prison in Taeshan for ten years, but the word on the street was that he was a decent amateur defender in his day. Jeremy had been speaking to a hack at his paper, Krytenia's Emberton Post, about the guy who, apparently, the Taeshan government wanted to Extradite. Trouble was, no-one knew the guy's actual nationality, let alone surname, and 'Ted' wasn't about to divulge either. Jeremy, working on behalf of the Audioslavian government, 'claimed' him as an Audioslav and agreed to extradite the guy to Audioslavia on the condition he try out for the national team.
"He's the kind of guy..." he'd said to Kelly, a few weeks previously, "...who you want on the inside of the tent, pissing out, rather than the other way round"
Kelly had agreed, but hadn't reckoned on the guy - an enormous, bald, tattooed, six-foot-four beast of a man with a temper to match - bringing his unique 'style' into training as well as full internationals.

Weverton was a little shaky getting to his feet, but seemed to be in one piece. 'Ted', in fairness, shook his hand and got on with the game. He was one to look out for...

Jeremy looked at his watch. Mid-day. He had the draw for the cup to go to that afternoon, followed by matchday one in just a few days, most probably here in Tiberia. Who knows where the team's other matches would be played. At least we've no fans to cart around thought Jeremy, as Marc Vauvenargues struck a free-kick six yards over the bar.

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Postby Ipeland » Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:20 pm

Noah Moore was waiting at the base for the first AOCAF match. He had taken over the national job temporarily after Deniel Stainag had to go into hospital for minor surgery, which unfortunately, made him miss the AOCAF XXXIV. He hoped he would recover soon, the pressures of the job were getting to him already, and he hadn't managed a single game yet.

To make matters worse, the AOCAF was in the summer, the middle of the domestic season, which would obviously prove a challenge to get the top players in the country after the new regulation from the IFA which allowed players in the national team to join domestic clubs, and allowed the national team to be made of players from the domestic clubs. Moore had personally thought this rule was idiotic, and for good reasons, and one of them was playing itself out right now.

A mini-bus sped round the corner in the road next to where Moore was standing, almost tipping over as it's small wheels tried desperately to get some grip on the wet surface. It rounded another corner more normally than the last one and the driver put on the brakes in front of Moore, but it didn't stop. He could only look as the mini-bus crashed into some foam which was being delivered by some men next door. Luckily the foam nor the mini-bus was damaged, but Moore had to endure some angry shouts from the men upstairs.

After that fiasco was sorted out, Moore led the driver of the mini-bus, who happened to be his assistant manager, Karl Simon and 20 other men into the building. They turned left then right, then left again, then right again and continued straight down a corridor which lead to a large empty hall. The players lined up in a line in order of number. Moore turned to his assistant;

"So how limited was the search?"
"Very", Simon said, "Even more so because of the formation you gave me."
"The 5-4-1?"
"What?", Simon said with a blank look on his face, "The 5-4-1? You gave me 0-3-4-3-0 didn't you?"

He then stormed out of the hall. A rather long, loud silence followed, which was broken by Simon saying;

"Well that was your manager, I'm sure he'll calm down later. Anyway, 20 laps around this hall. GO." He blew a whistle, which echoed through the hall.
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Postby Vilita » Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:31 am

Vilita & Turori Eel Cat Things
"Fine, We'll take them with us too..."

Vilita national team coaches Kris Wrice and Tika Massa discuss the AOCAF XXXIV Roster...

TM: Kris, you've only got Vilitan players in the roster.

KW: Yes, and?

TM: Well, this is a joint entry

KW: Oh crap, you're right. Then why isn't there a Turorian Coach here?

TM: You mean Frederick Anx-schit or whatever his name is?

KW: Yea

TM: I heard he was asked to resign.

KW: Well, the Eels have been pretty horrible since coming back.

TM: Yes, they really have.

KW: So why would I want any of their players?

TM: I think there would be a lot of angry Turorian's if we picked an Eel-Cat things roster without any Eels on it.

KW: Fine. Do the have anyone decent?

TM: Well they've got a pair of decent keepers.

KW: We've got like 8 decent keepers

TM: Come on, Marine Coast's goalkeeper, Miiastara, add him to the roster, no wories

KW: Fine, who else.

TM: Well, Yoains Konoaafeo is always highly rated at Cednia Beach

KW: What position does he play?

TM: Defender.

KW: Fine. Is there anyone that might actually make a difference?

TM: Restiaa Mumamba is pretty handy to have on the bench, he can play anywhere, and play it well

KW: Even keeper?

TM: Not sure about keeper

KW: Fine, we'll add a few lets just go down the list, add 1 or 2 per position from Turori and let some of the Vilitan guys take a break.

TM: It would be really funny if we let Kilpter take a break

KW: Why?

TM: He's Vilitan and Turorian, so this is a true NT for him!

KW: Ah right, well lets move him down the depth chart and see how he reacts

TM: Sounds good.

KW: Alright, where do we submit this?

TM: Give it to me, I'll take care of the roster.

KW: What about the Kits

TM: You didn't order new kits?

KW: No, I figured we'd just use the Vilitan ones

TM: That won't fly

KW: What do we have?

TM: We have the Psychedelic ones from AOCAF XIX

KW: o_0

TM: I know, it will have to do.
Last edited by Vilita on Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Nellietopia » Sat Mar 03, 2012 3:12 pm

For ease of translation, we'll pretend anyone can understand the nellies. Otherwise, this RP will be a bunch of "rtehdah" and "hrhehbna", and the like. And we don't like that.

Notwithstanding, the recent release of ranks from the AOCAFXXXIV Legalese Tournament Organization Authority (or whatever, we just made up a fancy name) was deeply troubling to the nellies who had come. They looked down on the ranks. #43.

They looked at the ranks wondering how this could be, when they realized something very terrible had happened: the ranks were organized by points, then by alphabetical order. This last part was most important, because as it would seem, the nellies were unhappy that Audioslavia was ranked ahead by one point. To be fair, they weren't upset that Audioslavia was higher ranked, indeed it would have been better that Audioslavia was ranked #41st, because then the nellies would be ranked 42nd. And that meant a lot to the nellies.

Guard Duck assembled all of ALFAC, and they pondered their next move.

"We can't just declare war on Audioslavia, simply because they're ranked 42nd. There has to be another way."

The head of the Bovine Goose Corps concurred. "We've suffered many great casualties in the Snorthish war. Though victorious (in a weird way... see AO RP threads for details...) we were, our numbers were hurt by the radiation and the worms. We cannot fight a war right now."

"That's preprepreposterous," quacked Guard Duck, amid the calls for some other diplomatic (i.e. not war) sanction. "We can easily wipe out the Audioslavian curse (apparently, he's unaware of what they actually means...) off the face of the whole earth. There's no reason why we shouldn't be ranked 42nd. And there's no way we're going to let some Audioslavia nitwits usurp our place!"

One of the supervisory nellies chuckled. "You know, we're mumbling all about Audioslavia, when we should be talking about Milchama."

Guard Duck seemed a bit confused. "You mean you want us to invade Milchama instead? I'm not trying to say we're wimps, but Milchama are much stronger than Audioslavia. Not to mention, they're right next door, a step over the river - so to speak."

"Yes," the nellie replied, "But they're our next opponents! The only margin that separates us from 42nd place is one whole team... well, except for all of those below us. Milchama is slated as our next opponent. Maybe instead of eliminating our opponents, we can usurp the rank of 42nd place? Then, we'll avoid a costly war against Audioslavia."

"I still don't get it," Guard Duck quacked. "How will we eliminate Milchama without going to war with the freaks?"

"They want us to what?"

The team were set-up in the huddle just before stepping out onto the pitch. They were in fact in the tunnel, waiting for the procession of the teams to commence. And just like that, they were given instructions about what to do with the Milchama team.

"Bite their sorry arses."

"Excuse me," spoke :P, "but I like to eat fresh meat."

"It's all part of the plan."

"Well, can we get the substitutes to do that? I don't want to taste Milchama arse. Besides that, we've already had lunch and second dinner. I want to be hungry for my midnight snack."

Suddenly, a load horrific rumble swept over the stadium, the nellies felt like the whole place was going to capsize. Of course, that was just the announcer announcing the beginning of the match, and just as soon as the rumbling had started, the teams started to walk out. They broke out of the huddle and started to walk down with children next to them. One of them even sported the same smile that went on the Nellie Scout Cookies Real-Kids Cookies (cookies made from real kids, surprisingly popular) as they walked down the tunnel and out. The stadium started with loud cheers, but as the nellies took to the pitch, the cheering died off quickly, and you could see people reaching for binoculars to spot out the rest of the team (B was perfectly visible, of course).

As the teams lined up for that ceremonial anthem singing, David buzzed out his final notes - "Don't worry about biting their arses. We'll just play, and if all else fails, then we'll bite."



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Postby Vilita » Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:45 pm

Vilita & Turori Eel Cat Things
"Fine, We'll take them with us too..."

Kris Wrice and Tika Massa turned on the light to the basement at the Tivali Ring Stadium's storage facility.

"here it is, AOCAF Kits"

Its just a box of Replicas, but they'll do.


No way.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry, this just won't do. I won't let anyone wear these things.

Well what do you expect to do we've got to play a match.

Call up the designers. Tell them we need a proper kit and logo for this team NOW. Players won't play if they feel like idiots stepping onto the pitch.

Our mascot is an Eel-Cat Thing, its going to be hard to sugar coat it.

Just get it done.


How's this?


Now we're talking. Get them printed quick, we've got to fly out to Legalese tonight.
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Postby Audioslavia » Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:22 pm

A pub. Legalese. Jeremy Jaffacake, in his role of 'ambassador of the Federation de Football de Audioslavia', was setting about improving the diplomatic relations between himself and a pint of Legalite beer.

Cafundeu, he thought to himself, of all the teams we could have been drawn with. Cafundeu. It was indeed an unfortunate draw. Audioslavia were unranked, going into the tournament, and Cafundeu were the holders, the number one ranked team, and the favourites.

Jeremy had fond memories of a match in Cafundeu some forty years ago. Silexhera, Audioslavia's neighbours and a country that Jeremy had followed for a few years, had gone to Cafundeu and taken a vital win in their World Cup 47 qualifying group. Kelly Sporadic, now Audioslavia's manager, had scored the only goal, a big middle finger to the manager of the Cafunduese club that had kept him on the bench or in the reserves most of the season.

That was then, however. Silexhera had hit the ground running in world football. They'd taken a 5-3-2 record in their very first qualifcation series without even bothering to enter the BoF and had, after a somewhat disappointing second campaign, qualified for the cup at their third attempt, reaching the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy final on the way and reaching the knockout stages of the Cup of Harmony too.

Audioslavia, with this rag-tag bunch of individuals, immigrants, journeymen and and ne'er-do-wells, were far below the standard set by the plucky Silexherans. A heavy defeat was on the cards in game one.

"Phone call for a Jay McVities? Jay McVities in here?"
"I'm 'Jay McVities' said Jeremy Jaffacake, standing up. It was, indeed, his nom de plume for the Emberton Post, the Krytenian newspaper that employed him when he wasn't wearing his F.F.A. hat. Indeed, he'd be writing a couple of articles on the AOCAF cup for the paper. He thanked the barman and picked up the receiver.
He didn't speak. Something was troubling him... what was it? He tried not to think about. He thought about answering the phone with a simple 'hello', but decided on the old 'guess the caller' game instead. He'd been called 'Jay McVities', so it was certainly from the Emberton Post. Who'd be calling him from the Emberton Post? The boss? Nah. Cleo? No reason to. That just left one man. One eager, sometimes naive, young man.
"Rubio!" said Jeremy, his eyes pointing to the ceiling as he spoke. A voice came from the other end. Rubio's. Jeremy closed his eyes and smiled at his correct deduction.
"How's the boozing going, Jeremy?" said Rubio.
"Er..." began Jeremy. He paused. He realised what was troubling him. Here he was; pub, foreign country. His bosses and colleagues at the F.F.A. didn't know where he was, neither did the team or the coach, so how had Rubio known to call this particular bar? To date, the young Krytenian hadn't shown evidence of any particular powers of sleuthery. He had, however, been learning from the master himself in recent months. It'd be interesting to know what tricks the young protege had picked up.
"Not bad, not bad, but before we get to the reason you're calling me.." continued Jeremy. "...enlighten me; how on earth did you know I was here?" Rubio, however, was playing his cards close to his chest.
"Oh, someone at the hotel told me you were in a bar" said Rubio, futilely attempting to avoid being questioned.
"Bullshit" replied Jeremy. "No-one at the hotel knows I'm here"
"I mean..."
"Also", interrupted Jeremy, "you're going to have to start earlier than that. You're not even supposed to know what hotel I'm staying at"
"Why not?" came Rubio's voice on the other end.
"I don't mean 'not supposed to' like its a secret, I mean 'not supposed to' because the only way you could have that information is through nefarious or enterprising means. The Post know what city I'm in, because it's common knowledge, but have no reason for knowing what hotel I'm staying at because, of course, I'm not filling out their expense forms. Even if I was, you're certainly not in a privelidged enough position at the Post to have access to my expense files."
"True, well, what does it matter how I know where you are?" asked Rubio
"It matters for three reasons. Rubie my young whippersnapper. Firstly, I'm interested. Secondly, I'd like to know what methods you're using because I'm vain enough to want to know exactly how my methods are wearing off on you and, thirdly, I want to make sure you're never, ever, one or two steps ahead of me on anything"
"Oh" said Rubio, almost a little sadly
"That last part" said Jeremy, "is the biggest compliment I can give to a fellow journalist. I like you, Rubio, that's why I want to keep up with you." Jeremy could almost hear Rubio smiling.
"OK boss well I found where y..."
"Don't call me boss"
"OK Jeremy, well I found the hotel you were staying at very easily. You told me you didn't like to spend too much time with the players or the manager - you said something about getting a conversation of them as being like drawing blood from a particularly illiterate stone - and that you prefer to stay in a different hotel than the team and the rest of the suits. So I looked at Google Maps.."
"The on-line atlas run by the group of kiwis?" asked Jeremy
"That's the one. The hotel the team are staying at is a four-star hotel. Now, you wouldn't put yourself in a five-star hotel because of the possible ramifications - pun intended; if Rami Niblick and/or The Cy'un got wind that had insisted on a posher hotel than your compatriots, they could run a nice, juicy attack story - but you also couldn't bring yourself to stay in a lower-quality hotel than a bunch of common footballers - no offence, but you're a little arrogant like that.."
"Fair point" Jeremy conceded
" you'd be staying in a four-star hotel different to the one the team were in. As Google Maps has it, there are three four-star hotels in Tiberia. The national team, manager and F.F.A. are in one, the Sceptre Hotel, which leaves two other possibilities, one of which is Court & Crown hotel. Sound familiar?" It did. Jeremy fished the hotel's brochure out of his inside pocket and unfolded it with his free hand. C&C - Experience the Tiberian Sun was the headline.
"So?" asked Jeremy, "why this one, and not the other?"
"Glad you asked" said Rubio, growing into the Columbo role. "The other four-star hotel is [i[The Tiberius[/i]."
"So Tiberius. Lord Tiberius. Lord Tiberius Starblayde..." Jeremy smiled. The fact that that particular hotel owed its name to the man responsible for Starblaydia - and therefore everything bad with the world - wasn't in fact the reason for his choice of the Court and Crown - it was simply the first he'd popped into and had been convinced of his choice by a particularly cute receptionist - but at least it made sense. He was strangely proud of Rubio. But still...
"Well done. That still doesn't explain how you've found me at this particular bar, and doesn't explain how you'd know I'd be in this particular bar at this particular time..."
"Well, for that I needed Google Street View" said Rubio. "The front doors of your hotel look out onto a fairly long road going from left to right. There are more buildings and lights to the left, so more chance of a decent pub being in that direction. However, the training facilities that Audioslavia are using are actually in an easterly direction, so I assumed you'd be more familiar with that route. So, I traced the route from the hotel to the training ground and noticed that, a ten minute walk from your hotel, there is a small plaza. It has a river running through it and, generally, it looks very nice. Tiberia gets quite hot in the summer, so I guessed you'd be outside one of the four bars in the plaza enjoying a relaxing, sunny, afternoon pint. Then, however, I then looked at the weather reports, which tell me that its drizzling rain in Tiberia right now, so you'd be inside. Now, this is where it got a little difficult. of the four bars, one of them doubles up as a strip club. This is almost certainly the one you'd normally chose, but with Rami on your case and with you wearing the F.F.A. badge on your jacket... not so likely. Of the remaining three, Fittipaldi's is a Vilitan-themed pub, so that's out, and The Yellow House looks like a bit of a student bar, so that just leaves the [i}Drunken Marmoset[/i]. Their website tells me that they stock Burung Brew, have a smoking section, and also tells me their phone number..."
"Oh, Rubio" said Jeremy, "we'll make a decent journalist of you yet"
"Thanks. So. I have news for you."
"Ah, yes of course. What is it? Good or bad?"
"Erm, weird" said Rubio
"How so?" asked Jeremy.
"Well, one of the guys at the political desk got a phone call an hour ago. It was from Krytenian Intelligence..." Jeremy couldn't stop himself from giggling.
"Krytenian Intelligence?" laughed Jeremy, "HAH!"
"Oh, behave yourself." Jeremy couldn't help but make his apology sound less than sincere.
"Sorry. I have the utmost respect for Krytenian Intelligence."
"How is he, these days?"
"Very clever" said Rubio, sarcastically. He allowed Jeremy a second or two to bask in his joke before continuing.
"Well 'he', or someone from the intelligence bureau, called the political desk. Said there had been 'mumbles' of some description coming from Nellietopia..."
"There are always 'mumbles of some description' coming from Nellietopie" replied Jeremy, "have you heard them speak? It's all 'rtehdah' this and 'hrhehbna' that. They're a truly weird people..."
"A very weird people, Jeremy, which is probably why they were talking about declaring war on you."
Both Rubio and Jeremy had to wait a few seconds for that to sink in.
"Declare war on me?!" said Jeremy, incredulously.
"Not you, Audioslavia as a whole"
"Audioslavia as a whole? Have you seen Audioslavia as a whole? In fact, 'Audioslavia as a hole' is the most accurate possible description of the place. Its a post-apocalyptic wasteland. We don't have an army, we barely have civilians. 99% of our landscape is either irradiated, a desert, or both - a product of a particularly clumsy civil war a couple of centuries ago. We have two popular centres that are impossible to reach except by high-altitude aeroplanes with a specific kind of ion-shielding, or by using a jeep, a geiger counter, plenty of water and a lot of care. Our population is, what, 200,000? Half of them in Cathair City and the other half dotted in villages in the Horseshoe Mountains. Oh, and there's about twenty-thousand settlers on the island we own in Atlantian Oceania, which is the only reason we're elligible for this tournament in the first place. That island has, as far as we can tell, zero natural resources apart from a big, dead lake in the middle that, I believe, holds the region record for 'body of water with the lowest oxygen content', meaning the fish are so small you could catch a hundred of them there and there'd barely be enough for to make one fish finger. It's a small, useless island with rubbish soil, no interesting flora or faunae, a handful of ugly, bored looking animals and a small football stadium built out of bits of old, decrepid Audioslavian stadiums that have been salvaged, radation-treated and shipped over from the mainland. What on earth would Nellietopia want with us?"
"They just want to wipe you off the face of the planet."
"But why?"
"Well thats the thing, Jeremy. Apparently, they're annoyed that you're ranked ahead of them in the draw for the AOCAF."
Jeremy was speechless. First time for everything, and all that.
"We're ranked ahead of Nellietopia?"
"....we're unranked" said Jeremy, incredulously. "We don't have a ranking. We're starting from scratch. No KPB points, no AO points, nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Rien. How on [iearth[/i] are we ahead of them in the rankings for the tournament?"
"Because of the latin alphabet"
"Okay. What about the latin alphabet"
"It lists 'A' before 'N'. Nellietopia have no KPB points either, so they're unranked too, but the list has Audioslavia as 41st and Nellietopia as 42nd.
"So... they want to destroy an entire culture because..."
"Culture?" said Rubio, interrupting. "Audioslavia has a culture?"
"Har har. 1-1. Okay, so they want to destroy an entire country, people, whatever, on the basis that it will cause them to be one rank higher in the list of teams competing in the AOCAF, despite the fact that, at this particular point in the list, the order of nations is entirely arbitrary and has provably zero effect on the tournament, and even zero meaning whatsoever?"
"Right. Well, thankyou for getting in touch. That is some damn interesting information."
"So, what are you going to do, Jeremy?"
"We've got to play Cafundeu in a couple of days, Rubie, I have to prepare for that game. We'll hope this Nellietheelephant malarkey passes for now but, if not then, well...."
"Well what?"
"Well they'll have Jeremy motherf***ing Jaffacake on their case, that's 'well what'"

The two journalists said their goodbyes, and hung up. Jeremy got back to his beer which was now, regrettably, warm.
Atlantian Oceania, he thought to himself, in between sips. What a strange, strange region.
If Jeremy were in a reflective mood, he may realised that it was exactly where he belonged.

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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Legalese » Sat Mar 03, 2012 7:58 pm

I hope you all had your fill, because we're being cut off.

And now the scores, along with tables and MD 2 fixtures...
Last edited by Legalese on Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Vilita » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:47 am


Eel-Cat Things Hang on in Badger Dome Thriller

Vilita & Turori draw 4-4 with Valanora in high intensity Takilan Showdown

There was no rest for goalkeepers Aranora Jaded (Vilita & Turori) and Mariaddren Undodhen (Valanora) during their opening matchday clash in the AOCAF XXXIV competition. Vilita & Turori and Valanora combined for 20 shots on goal, and an incredible 30 corner kicks, keeping the action inside either penalty area for the majority of the match, with less battling in the center of the pitch.

It was a night, perhaps, that many expected the Elven Marauders to run away with the victory due to their Semi-Final run during the World Cup 59 campaign, and the utter farce that was the Vilita & Turori AOCAF XXXIII campaign. The Eel-Cat things, however, had other plans, looking to show that they could repeat strong performances in World Cup Qualifying and in the Cup of Harmony with a strong regional campaign as well, even if they were dragging the lowly Turorians along with them.

The Eel-Cat Things looked to set the tone early as Strike FC's Viji-Mara Lawaai was sent through by Tujamu Treola in the opening minutes, slotting past Mariaddren Undodhen for what would become the first indication of a very Takilan evening in Brookholt, Legalese.

The action would switch from one side of the pitch to the other with multiple corner kicks on each end with the goalkeepers looking strong and confident to turn the chances away. Undodhen slipped again, however, in the 23rd minute. To be fair, there was very little that any goalkeeper was going to be able to do about Miiara Makose's header. The connection from Resaie Kentiak's corner kick was flawless and only a miracle save could prevent the ball from hitting twine. There was no miracle as the Eel-Cat things to a shock 2-0 lead through what was Makose's only positive contribution of the match.

Makose was involved on the other end of the pitch just 5 minutes later, being cleanly dispossesed by Hanutaut Lilithian who embarrassed the Vilitan defender in front of thousands of fans before rubbing salt in the wounds by rocketing a shot past Aranora Jaded to pull one back for Valanora. Makose was substituted soon after with star Turorian defender Yoains Konoaafeo taking his place.

Both teams would continue to attack but no further goals would occur during the first half, and the Eel-Cat things skipped into the lockeroom with a buoying 2-1 lead after 45 minutes.

The second half picked up right where the first left off with shots fired and corner kicks earned virtually every 90 seconds. Just before the hour mark, Thankanion Elenelwa played a cool 1-2-1-2 with Dwier Titenburg Jr. who fired a shot that clanked off the inside of the left post before banking into the net to level the scores at 2 a piece.

The Eel-Cat things responded with a substitution, taking off the uncharacteristicly ineffective Jomur Hulyer and introducing Turorian midfielder Rikko Rawaii. The ploy worked as Rawaii's energy opened up another clear opportunity for the Eel-Cat things, Rawaii's critical run drawing all three Vanorian defenders. Somehow, Rawaii was able to poke the ball out of the defensive wall that closed in on him to a completely unmarked Viji-mara Lawaai who had no trouble with the entire net to shoot at, giving Vilita & Turori the 3-2 lead.

The Eel-Cat things appeared to still be celebrating when the kickoff occurred, and the Elven Marauders had absolutely no trouble rushing down the pitch in a horde and overwhelming the Vilita & Turori backline. Lucas Hearts was one of four Vanorian players open in the penalty box after the unorthodox 'mob' play that left the Eel-Cats utterly confused, and Hearts quickly returned the sides to level terms at three goals a piece.

The match got a little calm for 10 minutes, a decided difference from the way the rest of the match had gone, but as full time neared, the tempo picked up again and the shots and barrage of corner kicks continued.

Valanora took a 4-3 lead with 8 minutes to play through man of the match Thankanion Elenelwa. Trailing for the first time in the match, this prompted coaches Kris Wrice and Tika Massa to make a change. The first Vilitan for Vilitan swap of the match came when goalscorer Viji-mara Lawaii was removed, replaced by Strike FC teammate, the young phenom Yves Gadois.

The Eel-Cat things continued to press, earning 5 corner kicks in the final 5 minutes of play, and it was Gadois that become the hero in the final minute of normal time, flicking a corner kick past Undodhen to level the scores, and provide the last action in a back and forther thriller at the Badger Dome.

Vilita & Turori Goalscorers::
3' Viji-mara Lawaai
23' Miiara Makose
64' Viji-mara Lawaai
89' Yves Gadois

Valanora Goalscorers::
28' Hanutaut Lilithian
58' Dwier Titenburg Jr
65' Lucas Hearts
82' Thankanion Elenelwa


Best Player: Tujamu Treola
Worst Player: Miiara Makose
Shots on Target: 11
Corner Kicks: 16


Best Player: Thankanion Elenelwa
Worst Player: Morronuth Neltanta
Shots on Target: 9
Corner Kicks: 14

Vilita ^ Turori Eel Cat Things (3-(1-4)-2) ::
[GK] Aranora Jaded, [D] Sipaao Vereaoao, [D] Uajiala Pulkki, [D] Miiara Makose, [DMC] Tujamu Treola, [ML] Resaie Kentiak, [MC] Steffyn Siazzu, [MC] Rexii Tzikas, [MR] Jomur Hulyer, [FC] Xcnaio Bansoa, [FC] Viji-mara Lawaai
[FC] Yves Gadois, [FC] Liinai Zakazaka, [M] Rikko Rawaii, [M] Jian Lejsrma, [U] Yoains Konoaafeo, [D] Ritopa Simafela, [GK] Ronji Miiastara

Vilita & Turori Substitutions::
(35) - Miiara Makose >>> Yoains Konoaafeo
(61) - Jomur Hulyer >>> Rikko Rawaii
(83) - Viji-mara Lawaai >>> Yves Gadois

(For Future Statistical Reference)
GK :: Aranora Jaded 5

D :: Sipaao Vereaoao 10
D :: Uajiala Pulkki 6
D :: Miiara Makose 6

DMC :: Tujamu Treola 9

ML :: Resaie Kentiak 8
MC :: Steffyn Siazzu 10
MC :: Rexii Tzikas 5
MR :: Jomur Hulyer 4

FC :: Xcnaio Bansoa 5
FC :: Viji-mara Lawaai 10

Subs Bench:
FC :: Yves Gadois 5
FC :: Liinai Zakazaka DNP
M :: Rikko Rawaii 5
M :: Jian Lejsrma DNP
U :: Yoains Konoaafeo 6
D :: Ritopa Simafela DNP
GK :: Ronji Miiastara DNP
Last edited by Vilita on Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:35 pm

"Jeremy Jaffacake?" said a Legalite official. Jeremy pretended not to hear. There were more important things going on than having to speak to some Legalesiapesian bod in a suit, who no doubt wanted him to do something stupid like stop jumping around so much, or stub his cigar out, or stop swearing so much in loud, gutteral Audioslavian. "Phone call for a 'Jeremy Jaffacake'.." the official continued. Jeremy ignored him for a few seconds more but it was apparent, from the feel of the Legalite's eyes in the side of his head, that the official knew exactly who Jeremy was, and wasn't going to give up until he went to the phone. The journalist turned to the official.
"Fine. Fine. The tunnel, aye?"
"Yes sir, thankyou"
Jeremy kept his eyes on the field of play for a few seconds longer, before turning his shoulders away from the pitch, walking away and, eventually, averting his eyes altogether. He threw his cigarette onto the gravel beside the dug-out that housed various other suits from the F.F.A., Audioslavia's manager, Kelly Sporadic, and a collection of substitutes, all with their attentione entirely on the twenty-two men running around the pitch at the Protectorate Road Stadium. 0-0. The second half had just begun.
Jeremy ambled up the tunnel, deep in thought, and stopped beside a temporary telephone, its receiver dangling towards the floor on its cable. He tugged on the wire, the phone jumped into his hand. He put it to his ear and said 'hello'.
"No prizes for guessing how I found you this time, eh" said a voice. It was Rubio, Jeremy's young journalist colleague from Krytenia's Emberton Post newspaper.
"Nope" said Jeremy. "In fact, I'd be more surprised if you didn't know where I was, what with me being heavily involved in the re-birth of Audioslavian football, and with this being the hour of Audioslavia's 'triumphant return' to international football, and with this match being broadcast live to the masses on Krytenian television and all"
"Is it?"
"Is what?"
"The match. Is it on Krytenian telly?"
"Yeah. Of course it is. Big match, this..."
"Yeah... I'm pretty sure none of the big channels are showing it, actually, Jeremy."
"We have a Cafunduese language channel.."
"It'll be on that then, won't it?"
"..which is only available in certain areas.."
"Yeah well..."
"..and they don't have any kind of live rights to the game. They're showing it on tape-delay tonight.."
"Fine. The game is still on Krytenian TV though"
"Hardly 'broadcast live to the masses' Jeremy.."
Jeremy could almost hear the little git smile with that comment. He decided to concede defeat, in the hopes that in would cause young Rubio to get to the point.
"Fine, fine, you win. So, what can I do for you, anyway Rubio?"
"Well, I'm just watching the game myself, actually. Illegal internet stream - only way to watch the game live in Krytenia, y'know - and I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am. Turns out there may be a few folk-memories of how to play decent - if a little defensive - football at work, here.
"Audioslavia never played 'defensively' in the olden days. We were a straight, traditional, pass-it-to-the-skilfull-guy/boot-it-to-the-big-guy outfit. Other teams made mistakes, we didn't, and we punished everybody for it"
"Not 'everybody' Jeremy" Rubio corrected, "sooner or later you'd meet a decent enough team who didn't make mistakes and then, poof, that was it for you.."
"Oh, so you've been doing more research, have you?"
"Atta boy. But aye, we're not playing badly at all. Couple of scares in the first ten minutes but our five-man defence is holding up"
"More like an eight-man defence, really"
"Well, yeah, when we don't have posession, but them three midfielders are supposed to burst upfield for counter attack and keep the ball moving when we do have posession. We've only had one or two proper attacks but we've looked dangerous enough..."
"Yeah, its about those midfielders. That's the main reason I'm calling"
"Oh really?"
"Really, yeah. You're watching the game on the touchline, aren't you?"
"Yes. From the dug-out, even"
"So you probably can't see what I'm seeing.."
"I don't have the benefit of action replays here, no, and I much prefer to be higher in the stands with the hacks."
"Well I have the camera angles, and I have action replays, and I'm a football journalist, and I can tell you where your midfield are going wrong."
"Oh really?"
"And I suppose some more exact information would come at a price, wouldn't it?
"No, not at all" replied Rubio, which took Jeremy aback, somewhat. He had a lot more he needed to teach this kid about the trade.
"So... tell me. What are we doing wrong?"
"Whenever you've got the ball, either from intercepting a wayward Cafunuese pass, or making a tackle, or getting on the end of free balls or high balls or goal kicks and whatnot, your midfield are trying to pass. Pass pass pass."
"So?" replied Jeremy, "that's how our two best chances came about. Vauvenargues spooned the first one after getting on the end of, what was it, four one-touch passes in a row? If he'd have steadied himself before his shot we'd be 1-0 by now. Weverton Sporadic almost got the other one. Good save from the Cafunduese goalie, there."
"Yeah, and that chance came the same way, a succession of short passes up the field"
"Exactly. Pretty football"
"It was, but it won't win you the game, Jeremy"
"How so?"
"I'm explaining how so. You've had two chances all game, both from passing moves out of defence, but you could have, or should have, had more chances. It should be perfectly obvious to you that this Cafundeu team, apart from being more than a little make-shift, just aren't up for this game. They don't have anything to prove like your boys. They'd much rather be at home with their wives or playstations, especially their defence, Jeremy. They've spent the majority of the first half, and the first five minutes of this one, pegging you back in your own half, stationed around your box watching their crosses and passes and long-range efforts rebound from Audioslavian heads and shins, ankles and chests. The attackers are getting increasingly desperate and disorganized and the defence are just switching off. They don't see the ball for twenty minutes and then, bang, you're counter-attacking and they're propelled into action. Thing is, though, in trying to be delicate and maintain posession over creating scoring chances, you're giving them time to get their bearings, come to their senses, organize themselves and make it harder for you to get your shots off. Little Weverton's shot had to come through a crowd of players, and the reason your striker, Vauvenargues, was lacking composure for his shot was because their centre-halves were giving him the chase."
Jeremy had to concede that, not only did Rubio have a point, but that he had quite the football brain on him.
"So, what's your solution, Rubie? Long ball?"
"Exactly. Get the message out to the back-five, back-eight, whatever, to launch the ball high and long when they get posession. Young Vauvenargues has the pace to really put the willies up the defenders, and you know Weverton Sporadic can do some damage if he gets the ball in the right position. If you make him drop back as you're doing now he's only going to use his considerable talents to lay the ball square for the guys backing him up. Get him facing towards the goal when he's tracking the ball, or receiving a pass, and you'll really see an improvement in your chances."
Jeremy didn't qutie hear Rubio's last few words. Abel, old friend of Kelly Sporadic and, unofficially at the moment, Audioslavia's assistant-manager, was walking through the tunnel on his way to the dugout. Jeremy stopped him, and relayed Rubio's opinion to him as succinctly as possible. Abel didn't seem convinced.
"The boss wants us to pass it around" said Abel, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable about being told what to do by a non-footballer.
"I know" said Jeremy, "but get him to try this for twenty minutes. If you do, that 'unofficial' title of yours might well become official, and handsomely paid, I might add..." That was all Abel needed. He nodded to Jeremy and continued his way out into the open air, turning left out of Jeremy's sight.
"You there? Jeremy? Jeremy?"
"I'm here"
"Who was that?"
"Abel who?"
"Abel god-knows. All these Cafunduese people have about five surnames each."
"Relax, he's the assistant to Kelly Sporadic, I've just convinced him to get the manager to change tack. Not bad for twenty-seconds work, eh?"
"Work that I'll be getting 'handsomely rewarded' for too, right?" came Rubio's hopeful question. Jeremy smiled.
"So there was a catch..."
"No.. no Jeremy I..."
"Relax, Rubie, you've done god's work here son. I'm eternally grateful. Keep up the expert advice and I'll make it worth your while, make no mistake about that."
"Yeah" said Rubio, a little more seriously, now. "Yeah if you can get the photographs posted to me ay-sap that'll be great, we'll crop-check them into the columns at twilight"
"Tuesday? Uh huh... Tuesday is good for me, how's the wife, Dave?"
"...It's Cleo isn't it?"
"Yes mate. Yes mate that's fine"
"Cleo, my step-daughter, senior to you at the newspaper, she's in your office?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, yeah we've checked that out, no problem"
"So why are you pretending I'm some idiot photographer?" said Jeremy, bemused and a little perplexed, "Cleo knows I'm working for the F.F.A. and she also knows I'll be covering this game - as independently and un-biased as possible, and under a pseudonym - for the paper.."
"She's gone"
"So what was that about?"
"Rumour has it she's not as comfortable with you doing two jobs as she had previous intimated. She's fine with you being there with the team, but wants you up in the press section keeping an eye om everything to do with the game, not just Audioslavia's tactics. She'd be a bit pissed off if she knew I was dragging you down the tunnel to give you tactical advice"
"Well, fair enough. I'll be away from the dugout for the next game. I don't like it down there anyway. Can't see a thing..."
"Yeah.. .yeah It's much better up with your fellow journos... probably..."
"Unless..." said Jeremy, his brain having set off again. "Unless she wants me up in the press box for altogether different purposes..."
"How do you mean, Jeremy?" asked Rubio
"She's been around for long enough to have... friends. Acquaintances. People who owe her favours, especially in Atlantian Oceania. Spies, you reckon? People keeping tabs on me?"
"I think you're being a little paranoid, Jeremy"
"Hmmm... I'm not so sure. I suspected from day-one that Cleo has an ulterior motive for getting me at the Emberton Post. Still none the wiser as to what it is, mind..."
"But.. really?"
"We go way back. She's Rami's daughter, of course, and married to my illegitimate son.. She's got an angle, that's for sure, but whether its on behalf of herself, or her husband, her dad... who knows..."
"I would have thought Cleo was independent enough to not being doing her Dad's dirty work.. but then they've always had a good relationship with each other so there's no reason to believe they're not in cahoots..."
"But if they are in cahoots then... why would Rami Niblick want me to get a decent job with a decent Krytenian paper? Does he feel sorry for me? I bloody well doubt it.."
"Jeremy, shut up"
"If h... I beg your pardon?"
"Shut up and listen" repeated Rubio. Jeremy was rather aggreived by his colleague's exceptionally rude demands, but figured there'd have to be a very good reason for Rubio to break out of his usually timid personality like that.
"Fine" Jeremy said. "Go on..."
"Not to me, Jeremy. To your surroundings..."
Jeremy obliged. He held the phone a little away from his ear and listened. Nothing. Nothing at all. You could hear a pin-drop. Why was that odd?
Because he was in a busy football stadium, that's why. A stadium a quarter full with Cafundeu fans and three-quarters full with locals and Atlantian Oceanians of various nationalities. With only a few exceptions in the crowd, the only Audioslavians in the stadium were on the pitch, and even most of them weren't properly Audioslavian. Jeremy kept listening, more intently this time. The crackle of polite applause, individual voices, echoing down the tunnel. They were cheering. A jubilant Mo McAdam, an amateur Audioslavian goalkeeper who was over the moon just to make it to the bench, bounced past the entrance to the tunnel, waving his arms in the air like a crazyperson. Another sound. A muffled voice. It was Rubio's on the other end of the phone's handset, which was dangling limply in Jeremy's hand.
"1-0" came the voice. "Big long ball from defence, Cafundeu defender made an absolute pig's ear of the header, skims off the back of his head, takes all the pace off the ball which bobbles towards the edge of the eighteen-yard box. Vauvenargues tears the centre-halves a new one with his pace, they're miles behind him by the time the striker gets the ball. Takes a touch to prod the ball into the area, about parallel with the right side of the six-yard box, sixteen yards from goal. He obviously really, really wants to shoot but he's started to panic, can't get his feet in order, but he looks to his left there's young Weverton in support, no marking whatsoever, both defenders catching up to Vauvenargues. Shunts a square-pass out from between his feet, gets taken out by a clumsy defender. Ref's about to blow for a penalty before he sees Weverton in the path of the ball. Sixteen yards from goal, parallel with the goalpost, Vauvenargues has taken the entire defence out of the game and got the 'Keeper's full attention, who's positioning is just a joke by the time Weverton gets it. Sidefooted in, 1-0 Audioslavia. How's this for a famous win, eh Jeremy?"
"I.... owe... you one.."
"Go celebrate. I'm gonna finish my coffee"
The line went dead. Jeremy jogged out to the pitch. A very nervous, sheepish looking Cafundeu team were kicking off for the second time that match, 1-0 down to an un-ranked team of amateurs. Jeremy looked over the bench. Kelly Sporadic, father of goalscorer Weverton, was beaming the biggest smile Jeremy had ever seen. Jeremy remembered that day, forty years before. In Cafundeu. Cafundeu 0-1 Silexhera. Kelly Sporadic with the only goal of the game. An equally embarrassed Cafundeu team...
Jeremy allowed himself a wry smile.
Surely not... he thought to himself, staring out at the pitch. Surely not...

Cafundeu - 0
Audioslavia - 1 (W. Sporadic, 58)

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Postby 95X » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:32 pm

from the Pacific City Courier:
Legalese 4, 95X 3
LEGALESE—Having home crowd advantage, Legalese fans cheered their team to a 4-3 victory in the final minutes of their opening match of the 34th AOCAF Cup.
Scoring for 95X was expectedly led by Toby Sigrid, who scored twice for 95X, with the first being memorable for scoring on a collision with teammate Xi Foureleven.
“Both of us were there, at the same time,” Sigrid commented after the match. “Either of us could've easily scored.”
Either way, fans are more likely to remember the televised scene where Sigrid landed on top of Foureleven, who coldly dumped him off, got up, then turned around to help Sigrid back up.
“Neither of us enjoyed it much,” Foureleven groaned after the game.
It appeared the match would end in a 3-3 tie, however a home crowd cheered on their team in the final minutes, leading to a goal by Legalese forward Jimmy Jay in the 89th minute.
95X will next attempt to diffuse and drink Armed Beers in Plainsview, Legalese.
95X 3 (Sigrid :24, :71; Russell :42)
Legalese 4 (Rutledge :12, :61; Wilson :50; Jay :89)
Nation not my RL views, etc.
Poe's Law. Nonpartisan.
Atlantian Oceania. The Place.
“An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.”—Niels Bohr
‘Everyone makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers at the end of pencils.’—Bob Monkhouse paraphrase
“If you want to read books, read books.”—Dennis James
“Sanity loss has its benefits”—Decoherent
AOCAF 22 & 47 Champions! • Volleyball World Expo 1, 2, 4, 7 & 9 Champions!

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Postby The Icemark » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:54 pm

Last edited by The Icemark on Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Nellietopia » Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:44 pm

In retrospect, annihilating the Milchama squad was probably not the best idea in the book. We're not sure how a bunch of nellies wiped out the Milchama team, but they managed to do it in the lockers after the match. Rumours have it that the two teams switched lockers, but the nellies forgot about it (or the Milchamans forgot about it - we're not sure...). But considering as the impressive Nellietopia defeating Milchama didn't necessarily eliminate them from the competition, that left a whole can of worms for the Legalese authority to can back up. First of all, what do you do with a completely homivorous (i.e. man-eating) arachnids? Second of all, what do you do with a non-existent team (it's not like they had any bodies left to reanimate...)?

Well, joining in the grand tradition of all great noobish NS entities, they retconned the whole thing, awarded an uncustomary 4-nil win to the Nellies, and the match was never played.

Well, surely you weren't hoping to read that now?

It really started in the beginning of the match, after the crowd waited 10 minutes and 93 seconds to hear the Nellietopia national anthem, only to later realize that the whole anthem was 10 minutes and 93 seconds of high-pitched squealing (you could tell that something was awry because the dogs were all running away from the stadium). And after the Milchama national anthem was played out - a lack-luster pandering of socialist singing, conducted by a chorus whose tenors were perpetually off by one half-step and whose sopranos were perpetually 3 whole-steps too high (just try listening to that and keeping your sanity intact), people were really anxious to have the game start.

And the Legalese authorities unilaterally vowed to double-check all of the national anthems before playing them out in front of the crowd.

The Milchama players stood in awe of the nellies, ripping voraciously through their defensive lines. nub masduhshdshdgsfd was particularly clinical, scoring an early three goals before the linesman ruled the latter two goals out, on account that the match official hadn't even restart play yet. nub masduhshdshdgsfd was undaunted, however, as he played out three whole goals before half-time. The Milchama players clearly had no defense against the Nellies and were eager to hit the lockers for 15 minutes. It was at this juncture the tragic events occurred - both sides of players entering the lockers. Again, no one is sure how or why it happened, but when the guards outside the locker rooms heard the screams and cries of agony, they were left appalled to see blood, guts, gore, and hardly anything else all over the place. The nellies had quenched their thirst of man-flesh, but the guards weren't in the mood to find out just how much their thirst had been quenched. The Legalese authorities were called in, a quarantine established around the locker room, and even a plan to gas out the nellies was put on the tables.

"No..." Out of the shadows beamed the legendary John McClintock - the infamous Instigator that no one has ever heard of in Legalese. The guards and authorities present stood there agape at whom was there in their presence. John stepped forward, blowing bubbles (strawberry-flavoured) out of his bubble pipe. He took one glance at the door and knew immediately what to do.

"It is time for us to do what is unthinkable."

The others stood there still agape. "We just can't do that," they replied.

John turned back, loading the pipe with some more strawberry-flavoured soap. "We must. Otherwise, there'll be no end to the shame of what has become our beloved country. Can you imagine the public appeal after learning about this event? I mean... what were we thinking? Letting these man-eating monsters into our cities and letting them run amuck? We must have had our eyes tied behind our backs and our hands gouged out. Our brains must have been liquefied by some idealistic pursuit of 'every thing must be allowed to compete' - I mean, armed beers? Who are we to kid? What happened to 'all living things must have cells and reproduce'? What happened to 'Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free practice thereof'? What happened to 'if your head is wax, don't walk in the sun'? What happened to...?"

"Sir?" one of the guards said a bit apologetically. "Can we get to the point? We've got 5 minutes to get both teams back out on the pitch, and there's really no way we can do it when one half of the teams are in the other half's guts. And I might be a dumb-witted Legalite, but where on earth are you pulling out these quotes?"

John placed on a cliched pair of sunglasses (in the dark underbelly of a stadium? who can blame him...) and quaintly replied, "Quotes are for fools."

Everyone present was torn between emotions of admiration and an overriding feeling of quizzical indigestion. But they still marveled at John McClintock's suave coolness as he approached the door to the locker room. "Ladies and gents," he said, "it is time for a recon."

"Sir," the guards said, "we've already done that. The Milchama team is gone, and the nellies are wallowing in a pool of blood. There's no need for a recon."

"Really?" John then removed the glasses, glanced into the locker room, and stuck head back out with a perplexed gesture on his face. "Well, then screw that. Skip straight to the retcon." He replaced the glasses and walked casually back into the shadows. In an instant, the whole episode disappeared from the minds of those present, they magically skipped the match, awarded the 4-nil win to the Nellies, and somehow managed to get the Milchama team back in order. Damn, this sounds a little too familiar...

Another session of the Armed Forces League of Allemenschen Critters (aka AFLAC) was convened after it emerged that someone had hacked into the last meeting. And amidst the mumbling and rumbling and squeaking in odd tones and pitches, you could almost guess what they were saying...

"WE MUST RETALIATE!" chided the nellies.

The only person (or thing... if that's your way) not fretting about anything was Guard Duck, happily smoking a cigar* in the corner of the room. All of the clamour about war and Audioslavia and spies really put some folk into a frenzy. But after most of the emotions and charged atmosphere subsided, Guard Duck waddled up to the center of the floor. He didn't need to get their attention; they all gave it directly without a fuss.

"Seems to me that we've been a bit relaxed about our security. But that's not too bad. I think it's worth our while to give the bastards who heard our conversations a hand. And a grenade as well. Besides that, if the rest of the world is so terrified of us that they need to spy on us, then so be it. AFLAC will be there to put them in their places, so help us we'll put them in their places."

He paused and waddled around in circles around the center stage. He started to talk. "We have our own intelligence that suggests that the Krytenians have somehow learned to speak goose, which somehow explains why they decided to move to Rushmore. But their expertise in speaking goose has left us in a curious predicament, since we cannot let the goose-speakers go quiet, and we really can't blame the Krytenians for having poor intelligence (hahar). So I propose a meager compromise to bombing the hell out of those Krytie bastards."

"What compromise is this?"

At that, Guard Duck pulled out a remote and hit a big red button. Nothing happened. He hit the button again. Nothing happened again. He hit the button several hundreds of times in a few seconds before a loud voice on the intercom announced, "Launch sequence initiated, target locked." A unanimous gasp filled the room before Guard Duck assuaged everyone's fears. "No worries people, that's the wrong button." He tossed the button away and pulled out another remote and pressed the big red button. Instantly, the center platform opened up and revealed Guard Duck's master plan.

"We'll send the Nellie Scout Corps into the lands of Krytenia, and we'll tax the nellies out of the Krytie bastards. They'll be inundated with our Nellie Scouts such that they'll have to buy all our cookies. And then they'll think twice about spying on us."

The crowd sat there with blank stares (especially the nellies, with their eight eyes...). "Seriously? We'd rather nuke them. And speaking of that, what was the launch sequence for?"

Guard Duck shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that was part of a nuclear program aimed at wiping out Sorthern Northland, but no worries about that because (1) Sorthern Northland is no more, (2) we never had nukes to start with, and (3) the missiles only ever reached half the distance to Sorthern Northland."

That last part really shocked the nellies. "WHAT?!?"

*Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking is hazardous to your health, and can cause lung cancer. Be smart, wear a nicotine patch instead.


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Postby Legalese » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:19 pm

(OOC: Due to demand from non-AOers who can't see the scores thread, I'll post scores not RPed in RP form about 24 hours after the matches in here, along with the next fixtures.)

"...and that, folks, is the sound of silence from Protectorate Road. Deafening, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is, Dwight. One to Nil, the champs go down! And we send you back to the studio, with Mitch and Barry!"

"Thanks, Dwight. Today was a day full of surprises, wasn't it Barry?"

"Yes, indeed Mitch. Not only do we have Audioslavia pulling off a shocker, but our own team, the hosts, squeak out a high-scoring affair in Legalese City, a 4-3 result over 95X. Freddy Rutledge came in big, scoring two, with Jimmy Jay netting home the winner in front of over 80,000 fans at National Stadium."

"A quick rundown of the other scores: the all-ampersand game goes in favor of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, a three-nil win over Dorian and Sonya. The Bear Islands rip through Cosumar two to one; Ipeland hangs five on Burchadinger to take that match five to four; it was a cold one for Armed Beers, as the Dragonii of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega roll over them five to one. Perennial regional powerhouse Pacitalia starts on their winning ways with a three to one result over Osarius; Unitopolis crushes New West Guiana seven to one, while Inis Na Dun blanks Zarbli four to nil. And as mentioned before, New Montreal States wins 2-nil over newcomers The Icemark, Nellietopia beats Milchama in a forgettable four to nil match, and lastly, Valanora and Vilita play to a draw, scoring four apiece, and setting up a second-day fixture between Legalese and Valanora over on the Island, as they'll be filling The Coliseum in Tyrellia for this one. The other matches are now visible on your screen."

Code: Select all
At Caerangelion (Numalia)
Unitopolis v. Ipeland

At Protectorate Road (Tiberia)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega v. Audioslavia

At Cougar Stadium (Comunas)
Nellietopia v. The Bear Islands

At Highfield (Quinfrancis)
Inis Na Dun v. New Montreal States

At National Stadium (Legalese City)
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu v. Pacitalia

At The Coliseum (Tyrellia)
Legalese v. Valanora

At Wilson Gulch (Sagdineo)
Vilita v. Cafundeu

At Carter Stadium (Gavelton)
Burchadinger v. New West Guiana

At Riverside Park (West Tiberia)
Cosumar v. Zarbli

At Robertson Pitch (Plainsview)
95X v. Armed Beers

At Sien Cove (Sien Bay)
Osarius v. Milchama

At Mallaber Internationa Field (Okerson)
The Icemark v. Dorian and Sonya
Last edited by Legalese on Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
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Postby Audioslavia » Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:19 pm

Jeremy Jaffacake finished the last remnants of his beer with a satisfied, hearty *gulp* and settled his emptied bottle down on the table.
"This is alright.." he said to himself, sitting in the Legalite summer sun, outside a trendy cafe, empty bottle of beer in hand but, with a nod of his head and an attempt at a smile, a full one on the horizon by way of an attractive young waitress. Most important of all, he was pouring over a review of Audioslavia's historic win over Cafundeu. Unranked Audioslavia beating Cafundeu, number one in the region and a year on from reaching the knockout stages of World Cup 58. It was moments like this that had encouraged him to get back into football, and encourage what was left of Audioslavia's government and population. The article was from Krytenia's Emberton Post newspaper; the paper that employed him, and indeed it was his review of the game that he was reading, over and over again. Very well written, Jeremy thought, pleased with his work, very well written indeed.

The piece was, however, dwarfed by an interesting analysis of lower league Krytenian football, concentrating mainly on the lightly-regarded C.F. Avides and their newfound status as playoff-contenders. There was no by-line on the piece, but it was clear that the author would be one Rubio Sanchez, colleague of Jeremy and unofficial, card-less member of Los Avidos, the team's supporter's group. Tsh. Jeremy had been outdone again by his young protege. Still, no matter. The market for Audioslavian football was hardly going to be huge in Krytenia. In a lesser Krytenian paper, The Cy'Un, for example, there would barely be any mention of it.

There was, however, an apparent growing global market for one aspect of Audioslavian football. The shirts. The famous claret, white and green.

The phenomenon had started a couple of years ago, with Astograth's appearance in the 'Legends of the World Cup' tournament, wearing a version of Audioslavia's vintage World Cup 19-losing shirt, had apparently captivated the worldwide audience. There had been clamour for retro-Audioslavia shirts which Jeremy had made sure the F.F.A. had satisfied, selling the shirts for a cool q20-a-pop. He's been surprised as to how well they'd done out of the little enterprise. According to the accounts department, sales with in the five-figure region in many countries, with sales in Astograth very close to hitting the 100,000 mark. Only in Krytenia were the numbers a little disheartening. Very disheartening, actually, with official figures stating that they'd sold minus-thirty products. Of the thirty-two shirts delivered to a JMBSport shop, thirty-one had been burned on sight, the remainder having been taken by Jeremy on arrival to the country. Still, the enterprise had paid for Audioslavia's travel expenses over to Legalese, and then some.

Jeremy put down his paper and took a sip of the beer that had magically appeared on his table. He looked around. Something was wrong. What was it? Could it be, perhaps, the fact that, on the opposite side of the table to him, a goose had appeared? A goose wearing sunglasses.

"Ummm... hi..." said Jeremy, failing to hide his utter confusion at this turn of events. The goose removed its sunglasses and leaned in closer to Jeremy, its eyes shifting from left to right, as if it was checking they weren't being watched. It shook its head a little, as if beckoning Jeremy to come closer. Jeremy obliged, leaning in, as if the goose was going to whisper something important into his ear. The goose moved its bill towards Jeremy's ear. It breathed in...
Jeremy jumped back, startled. The goose hopped down and waddled off towards the river.

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Postby Ipeland » Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:37 pm

AOCAF: Ipeland beat Burchadinger in 5-4 thriller

It was an interesting last 45 minutes for both sides in this supposed game of equals. Well, not 45 minutes because there was 8 minutes of injury time, but still it was an interesting second half. One side filled with professionals, and the other side filled with under 18's, amateurs, and semi-professionals. It was a surprise then, that both sides re-entered the dressing rooms at the end of the first half, neither of them scoring a goal. That scoreline summed up the first half in a nutshell, really. Both teams keeping the ball to themselves, playing in the middle of the field, and pretty much no action to report on at all.

The managers must've spiked the players half time oranges or something, because there was a much better showing in the second half from both sides. In total both goalkeepers had to deal with 50 shots in total over the second half, totaling to just under one shot per minute. The first goal came straight from the kick-off, a Burchandinger midfielder booting it up the field, which was headed by a striker over our 16 year old keeper, Isaac Thomas', outstretched arms. Burchadinger showed their class and doubled their lead about 5 minutes after, a bad mistake by Thomas leading to a Burchadinger striker to knock it into the open goal. After a bad injury to Alexander Graham, who had to be stretchered off and wasted 8 minutes of game time, the game restarted once more. Ipeland scored a goal in the 67th minute, Noah Moore showing his footballing experience, despite only having played at amateur around 20 years ago, by heading in a in swinging corner. Ipeland then equalized about 3 minutes after, Cole Price doing a spectacular run and finishing with a neat tap in. Then it all went quiet for 15 minutes, until Burchadinger retook the lead from an out-swinging corner. They then increased that lead to 4-2 just before the 90 minute mark. By then, the 10,000 Ipelandic fans had resigned themselves to defeat and started leaving the stadium. But then saw a comeback for the Ipeland team, who basically attacked, attacked, attacked for the whole of injury time. Noah Moore scored his second from a free kick one minute in. Then Aiden Robinson's cross 'accidentally' went into the net in the 4th minute if injury time, bringing the scores level. Ipeland pressed and pressed but couldn't find that last goal, until the 8th minute of injury time when 15 year old youngster Alex Carting, rose above the rest of the players and headed in with the last kick of the game.

All in all, a game which shows what these bunch of rag-tag players cobbled together from random teams can do, and I'm sure some of the larger domestic teams will be taking note of these games to see who will be a bright star in the future.

Our next game is against Unitopolis, who whupped New West Guiana 7-1 in their most recent match. It will be played at Caerangelion in Numalia.
Formerly known as Hutt River

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Postby Legalese » Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:21 pm

Matchday 2 is now cut off, and the results are now available.
Last edited by Legalese on Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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World Cup XXII and LXVIII
Cup of Harmony XI and XIII
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Postby The Icemark » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:39 am


It was the night the impossible dream died. As the sun dipped over this grand stadium The Kingdom Of The Icemark's star failed to shine against the all-stars of The Sylvanaes Queendom Dorian and Sonya. 10-man The Icemark were overpowered by the 10th rank former quarter-finalists as they were thrashed 4-0 in their second preliminarily Match of the tournament.
Player/manager King Redrought Lindenshield refused to be downcast despite the result. " The mood in the camp is still good," he insisted though with a strained look on his face."We are not out of it yet. Nothing is impossible. Who knows what can happen? It has been a fantastic experience despite the outcomes of our matches so far."
Prior to the game King Redrought Lindenshield had talked about not being disheartened by our first result and beliveing the team was capable of upsetting the odds, but as the much-anticipated clash got under way at the imposing 74,000 crowd of the Mallaber International Field The Icemark boss was quickly caught up in a nightmare.
The newcombers had been dealt a blow minutes before kick-off when White Annis was taken ill and had to be replaced replaced by C. Grimswald.
And Grimswald was to have an unwanted hand in the opening goal, when the Dorian and Sonya striker easily rose above the makeshift midfielder on the penalty spot and powered a header past Iphignea to take the lead after merely 55 seconds.
The Icemark, so confidant before the tournament, looked nervous, perhaps overawed, not only by the early setbacks but also by the sense of occasion and the intimidating size and atmosphere of the stadium - the largest they've ever played in.
Dorian And Sonya moved ruthlessly through the gears as The Icemark did not make an impression on the game. The Icemark looked ragged and Grimswald day got worse when he was given his marching orders after 15 minutes when he was booked for a second time. Their chances off getting back into the contest had been delievered a fatal blow and Dorian And Sonya soon began to launch wave after wave of attacks, penning The Icemark further and further back.
The Icemark's only real opportunity of the night came when Lady Theowin unleashed a burst of pace as she darted past the right-back and into the box but only fired into the side netting.
When the whistle blew for half-time, they would have been relieved that they had managed to withstand an onslaught and only be one goal down.
But their brave resistance was not to last, as the second half was turned into a Dorian And Sonya attacking master class, with the nation managing to notch up an amazing 28 attempts on target over the course of the game.
Dorian And Sonya gained a deserved cushion when they looped a header over Iphignea. They continued to surge forward and rifled a stunning and unstoppable third goal from the edge of the area into the top corner before finishing The Icemark off with a volleyed fourth goal from a tight angle.
By the end of the match The Icemark were not only counting the cost of wounded pride, but also of Lady Theowin cramping badly and Baron Cerdic limping off with a twisted ankle. By the end of the game, The Icemark were pleading for the final whistle.
King Redrought had spoken before the match about keeping the dream alive, but the dream has become a nightmare. The Icemark had dared to believe that despite their opening defeat that greater deeds could be acheieved but were left by the superior side in tatters. They must now accept the game, the tie, the campaign, the dream is over.

Player Ratings: L. Iphignea, 3, B. Cerdic, 4 (Sigurdsson,2), B. Athelstan, 4, B. Athelflaeda, 4, W. Witchmother, 4, C. Grimswald, 1, O. Stagapolous, 4, E. Celeste, 4, L. Theowin, 6, R. Lindenshield, 5, L. Celeste, 4

The Icemark Player Of The Match: L. Theowin

Match Facts:
Shots On Target: 0-28
Corner Kicks: 1-10
Yellow/Red Cards - 3/1-TBD
Possession: 30%-70%

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Osarius » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:30 am

Osarius squad for AOCAF XXXIV finally confirmed

After a delay, and the deployment of what Firebirds manager Alain Montblanc called "experimental" lineups for the first two games, the official squad list has now been released.

Montblanc's selection will perhaps raise eyebrows in some quarters, as it contains very few players over the age of 23, and some have suggested that the former under-21s boss is taking an unnecessarily radical step in his selection in order to prime the Firebirds for their next World Cup qualifying campaign.

Last time out, the Firebirds started relatively well before crashing and burning halfway through qualifying, finishing well behind the playoff berth. Montblanc refused to openly criticise his team at the time, but it was insinuated that he felt the national team had stagnated due to a lack of genuine competition from younger players.

This selection openly addresses that problem, and given the general apathy in Osarius toward the AOCAF Cup as opposed to the World Cup, for example -- likely the result of OSN's monopolisation of AOCAF TV rights -- even if his decision fails spectacularly, he is unlikely to suffer much of a backlash. At the very least, the decision will give some younger players valuable tournament experience, while familiarising them with Montblanc's preferred style of play; the 4-2-3-1 system.

The full squad is here, with a projected starting lineup, based on Montblanc's tendencies. The twenty-three player selection is dominated -- predictably -- by Firewood City and Hastmead Diamante, though the conspicuous absence of Utica players may be of some concern for fans of the Tubrissian side, who are well known for their youth-centric policy.

Matchday selections will likely tend toward experience in key positions, and with Montblanc said to consider the Steele-Vidal partnership to be the long-term future of the Firebirds, it doesn't make sense for him to field Micah Robinson and/or Isabelle Paredes ahead of either. It is likely that Montblanc will select Bryant ahead of Maria di Corradi, underlining the need for the team to retain possession, rather than merely steal goals on the break. While Bryant does have the pace required to counter-attack, he has bulked up considerably during his time in Erathore, and will hope to establish himself as a legitimate rival for Romario Roberts. Maria di Corradi's pacy, goal-poaching style will likely see her used as an impact substitute, while her brother takes position of pride as team captain and focal point of the side's attacking play.

The younger sibling commented on his selection as team captain -- meaning he follows in his father's footsteps -- in the post-match press conference after the 3-0 win over Michama. "It's obviously a great honour, the first two matches I wore the armband, but I didn't expect it to be an official thing. It's something you dream about, leading your country."

His Firewood teammate Serenity Lewis was named as vice-captain, meaning she too could follow in paternal footsteps, should Alessandro be ruled out for any reason, but she chose not to comment on that, instead getting caught by a question from a newspaper regarding her midfield partnership with Reinaldo Gonzalez. Gonzalez bought out his Firewood City contract and walked out on the club, joining hated rivals Greeningham City last season, and Lewis was asked if she harboured any resentment toward the midfielder. "Not really. He's a good player, and we work well together. We always have. In fact, as a friend of Rei's, I understand why he left Firewood. I don't think he should have, with the rivalries and well... its Firewood City, but, I think I understand. He wanted to play regular football. It was that simple, and I don't think you can begrudge a footballer wanting to play football, you know?"

Osarius sit at a record of 1-1, after slumping to defeat against Pacitalia on matchday one, before recovering superbly to pick up a 3-0 win over Milchama on matchday two. Next up is Audioslavia, whose 5-3-1-1 system -- which is said to be positively Karelan -- will pose a stern test for the Firebirds' offensive ability. Rex Robinson, the team's second-choice right back, has allegedly been trying to help his teammates understand the tactical implications of the 5-3-1-1 system, being familiar with it from Paper Tree Town. "I think the key for us against Audioslavia will be to control the midfield. They actually have a huge advantage there, so I spoke to Habib [Kouli], Amanda [Jenkins] and Kate [Cromwell], explaining how I usually have to defend against a fullback and not a midfielder. I'm not as good getting forward as Habib, so I doubt I'll be playing, but if I can help off-the-pitch, I'll do what I can." It is also likely that Katherine Cromwell will get the nod ahead of Jenkins for this clash, also as a result of her superior attacking skillset.
Ruler: - vacant - | Population: ~125 million (as of 2300) | Capital: Burningham, Mount Crown
Civilisation Index: 13.43 • Tier 7, Level 2, Type 5
Current Project(s): A customisable trading card game and a 7-a-side footy sim

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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Audioslavia » Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:10 pm

Well this wasn't turning out very well. After spending most of the Cafundeu game in the dugout with the subs and the managerial staff, Jeremy had decided to watch game two from up in the media section of the Riverside Park stadium. Sitting up here afforded him a much better tactical view of the game and it appeased his bosses at the Emberton Post, who insisted he take a step back from the action and wear his Journalist Hat rather than his F.F.A. Hat during games, but in moving he appeared to be missing a trick; all the action was going on in Audioslavia's dug-out. Audioslavia's captain, 'Ted' (surname unknown, and he wasn't about to tell anyone soon), was almost on the touchline and remonstrating with Bulls manager Kelly Sporadic. About what, he couldn't tell, but the big centre-half's absense from the Audioslavia back-line could prove costly at any moment.

Audioslavia were already one goal down. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega had taken the lead in the twelfth minute, overcoming an Audioslavian defence, the same defence that had kept top-ranked Cafundeu from scoring for a whole ninety minutes, with a very simple goal. A high cross from one winger, Bareqii Ulu’namo, had been enough to take all three of Audioslavia's centre-halves out of the game and they could only watch as the ball dropped to Rassiria N’Bai to head home from the corner of the six yard box, not even needing to jump or put any power in the header, just letting it bounce of the fore-head and into the near-post gap that goalkeeper Charlestone didn't look like closing any time soon.

It had been all ASMV in the first half. They were the 5th ranked team in the AOCAF and were playing with a verve and panache that Cafundeu had lacked in game one. By the break they should have been two or three goals ahead but for some wasteful finishing. On the whole. Audioslavia were doing enough defensively, but hadn't had a single shot at goal to their name.

The second half had begun as the first had ended, with ASMV maintaining the lion's share of posession and most of Audioslavia's out-fielders behind the ball. On the hour mark, manager Kelly Sporadic had decided he wanted to change things up a little, with the idea being that, if the game continued as it was, Audioslavia would be taking an 1-0 loss, and so why not pop a striker on for the last half an hour? The defence may struggle, but there was little difference between losing 1-0 and 3-0 anyway.

Kelly's decisiion had been to take off defensive-midfielder Torsten Ibsen - one of only two players in the starting line-up who played their football in Audioslavia's strictly-amateur league and well out of his depth at this level - and throw on Cedrus Soundgardia striker Claudio Monza.

From Jeremy's vantage point, up in the stands, the intention had been to change Audioslavia's 5-3-1-1 into a 4-4-2 with a diamond midfield, one of the centre-halves moving out to play in the role vacated by Ibsen and Weverton Sporadic moving back from his attacking-midfield position to accommodate the extra striker. Monza appeared to have information about the new tactic shouted into his ear by the boss, with the intention of him giving the tactical changes to the captain, 'Ted', on his arrival to the field of play. This was where the problem was. Jeremy had seen 'Ted' simply shake his head. Monza had tried to remonstrate, but Ted had simply shaken his head again, mouthed some words rather aggressively and pointed to his captain's armband.

No-one outside of Audioslavia's camp could quite work out why exactly this 'Ted', with no professsional pedigree whatsoever and rumoured to be an ex-con extradited to Audioslavia from Taeshan - perhaps despite having no Audioslavian blood at all - had been given the captaincy. Jeremy knew. Ted had turned up to training wearing the captain's armband and no-one had questioned him. You didn't question Ted. You didn't even tell him what to do. You just stuck him in defence and hoped he didn't put anyone in hospital, let alone get sent off.

After five minutes of Audioslavia playing a very ropey 5-2-1-2 formation, Kelly Sporadic had gotten off the bench and was waving at his 'captain'. Ted had hacked down pint-sized striker Jaqinze Irin’arbor on the edge of the area - Irin'arbor had found acres of space after a quick passing move had pulled Audioslavia's defences apart quicker than usual - and collected a yellow card for his troubles. While Irin'arbor had received some medical attention - the young striker would eventually be substituted as a 'precaution' - Ted had sauntered over to the touchline. Jeremy couldn't hear what Kelly was shouting to the guy, but it was clear it wasn't anything positive. Ted kept shaking his head and occasionally pointing at his captain's armband, mouthing the familiar 'don't tell me what to do' and giving Kelly his patented glare.

Play resumed with Ted still remnstrating with his manager. Substitute Irzabeyhl Zu’kportyh had gotten a head onto the free-kick but only managed to direct it into the arms of a relieved Audioslavian goalkeeper. At this point, Kelly was pointing to the defence, signalling that he just wanted Ted to get on with the game, which he eventually did. Jeremy watched as Kelly walked back to the dugout, his fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. Jeremy decided he needed to get himself down to the touchline. This was where the story was and, in any case, as a member of the F.F.A. he had a right to be down there.

He made it halfway down the tunnel before he noticed a phone ringing. It was one of the temporary ones installed in the tunnel to be used by journalists and officials. Jeremy noticed one of the Legalite officials walking towards the ringing phone. The official was surprised when Jeremy looked at his watch, smiled, and picked the phone up himself, saying 'Hi Rubio...'

By chance, it was indeed a 'Rubio' on the line. The same Rubio that had given Jeremy a phone-call during the Cafundeu game. Jeremy worked with the young Rubio Sanchez at the Emberton Post, and had figured he'd be watching the game on his computer.

"Watching the game on my computer" said Rubio. "What's happening? Oh, and well guessed, by the way"
"Thanks" said Jeremy, "and I dont know for sure what's going on, but I've a vague idea.."
"The idea being...?"
"The idea being that Ted is a liability. He's a bully, and possibly a violent one. I mean, the guy was serving fifteen-to-twenty in a Taeshan prison for christ's sake. He's only here because he's arguably Audioslavian, was a stand-out player in the Los Riosa Prison XI that defeated their Prison Guard opponents by a four goals and six fractures to nil, and had a bit of an amateur pedigree in Taeshan."
"I know the sort" said Rubio
"You do? How?"
"Used to play football as kid and we had this guy on our team, Ricardo, big guy, total nutcase, he was given the captaincy simply because no-one wanted to tell him what to do. Kept getting himself sent off and, despite being a defender, kept moving up to play in midfield whenever he wanted to. Left big gaping holes at the back. I used to play in the midfield, bit of a playmaker, me, but I'd have to track back to cover all the holes he was making. Didn't help that the guy kept losing the ball. He was a horrible player. Anyway, the only way to get him to agree to sit back, or to agree to tactical changes, was to convince him that it was his idea all along. You had to be creative, clever, witty, and as such it was always left to me to win him round. I'd tell him I 'd be taking over from him in the centre of defence because, with him galavanting forward at all the wrong occasions, we needed someone to command the defence. He'd take that as an affront and tell me to stay where I was with 'all my namby-pamby flicks and passes', and that he'd go a 'lead the defence'. When we had a narrow lead and needed him to stay back and cover when we got a corner, I'd tell him their striker had been talking shit about how slow he was, and how he was going to out-pace him and kill him on the counter-attack. Ricardo would then, naturally, tell me he was going to pay 'close attention' to this striker, and make sure he was 'occupied' while we were taking the corner, no doubt poking elbows into his sides and neck, threatening him and whatnot..."
"What's happened?" said Jeremy, interrupting. Jeremy had heard a roar from the crowd. "Is that 2-0?"
"Er... I don't know. My internet stream must be a little behind, hang on..."
"Must be 2-0, the ASMV fans are chanting something"
"Wait for it... their striker's through, Ted closing in... penalty. Penalty to ASMV. Ted had been beaten for pace and has just tripped that striker up, not even attempting to play the ball. Dirty play. He'll be off here..."
"Just heard a 'wahaaay' from the crowd" said Jeremy "that'll be him sent off then"
"I'd have sent him off. The ref is calming things down, taking Ted over to one side, red card, Ted does not look happy"
"Oh for hell's sake" said Jeremy, giving the wall a small punch in frustration "I hate Ted. He's an absolutely liability and, in short, an unreconstructed wanker. I honestly don't see the point in having that gargantuan Taeshani prick in the team ahead of even the most limited of amateurs. I tell you, Rubio, if I was a few years younger I'd give that bald git a piece of my mind"
"Would you now?" came a reply. Not Rubio's. It was coming from behind Jeremy.
Shit... he thought to himself. Of course... Rubio's footage... delayed... Ted was already making his way up the tunnel in real time when Rubio saw the ref brandishing his card on the stream... oh... oh dear...
"Jeremy?" said Rubio, but Jeremy was no longer listening, instead turning round, slowly, to see the big, angry face of 'Ted' staring him down from just two feet away. Ted closed the gap to a little over half a foot, leaning over Jeremy in such a way that made the journalist thank the lord he wasn't wearing white trousers.
"And what exactly would you do, old man? I'm right here, right now, in yer face, so why don't you repeat what you just said to yer little twat friend on the phone?"
Jeremy had to think quickly. Very quickly indeed. Come on Jeremy, get it together. He's a big, angry ex-con who looks like he can rip my head off with minimal effort, but he can't be that bright... not only is he a jailbird but he's a footballer too.. the two rarely amount to someone being a brainbox. I can talk my way out of this... just think... something... anything.... shit.... what's the best course of action here?
Jeremy heard the line go dead on the phone. He looked at the receiver, then back at Ted, still scowling at him, and put the receiver back in its holster as slowly as he could.
OK, stalling for time will only work so long, we've got to pick an angle, here, and go for it. Don't try and explain your way out of this, he's heard you talking crap about him and it'll just strengthen his resolve to redecorate the tunnel with your spleen. Don't pass this off as nothing.. be brave.. be fierce.. don't be aggressive, be forthright... stand up for yourself... no, actually, just insult him. He won't see it coming!
Jeremy tried to suppress a gulp. Here goes nothing, he thought. He pointed at the phone.
"That was the Arsehole Store" he said to Ted. "They're running out of you". Jeremy tried desperately not to flinch as he said it, to keep his eyes placed firmly, but not intimidatingly (like that was possible) on Ted.
Ted looked astonished. He wore the expression of a man who, making breakfast, had just witnessed a sausage sit up, take a dollop of haggis and throw it in his face. It took Ted a couple of seconds to get his bearings, but when he did, his reply would be one Jeremy would remember for a long time.
"Arsehole Store?" said Ted, moving his head closer to Jeremy's until their fore-heads were almost touching. Ted pretty much had to stoop to acheive the effect, "I've been in prison mate. I know exactly what an arsehole stores. Lemme tell yer; you'd be surprised exactly how... 'capacious' they can be."
"That... was a cleverer and more erudite reply than I was expecting" said Jeremy, truthfully.
"You sayin' I'm not usually 'Erudite'"
"Of course not.."
"I'm always f***ing erudite"
"Of course"
"I've got the most.... f***ing expressive vocabulary you've ever heard of, mate. No one's got a vocabulary as... as.... as f***in' expressive as mine. I'm f***in' expressive, I am"
"Of course... I"
"And lemme express to you how much I'm going to enjoy seeing how much your arsehole stores. You'll see it to"
"Cos I'm gonna shove your head up there"
Ted grabbed Jeremy's collar as he said this last sentence. This is it, thought Jeremy, the best case scenario for my life, from this moment on. is that I die immediately. He closed his eyes.
He opened them. Ted was wincing, and shook his head as one would do to displace a fly that had perched on one's forehead. Ted looked to his left. Jeremy followed his gaze. A man was standing with a camera pointed it that two, and a confused expression on his face.
"Oh" said the photographer. Ted let go of Jeremy's collar. "I... I didn't"
"Didn't what?" said Ted, directing his scowl at this new target.
"I... I should go"
"Me too" said Jeremy, using the opportunity to back a couple of feet away from Ted while the ex-con's attention was diverted.
"You use the pic in a paper and I'll beat you to a pulp. I'll beat you to a pulp using this guy as a weapon" he said, pointing first to the photographer and then to Jeremy. The photographer kept backing off, and eventually turned and ran in the opposite direction. Ted turned back to Jeremy, who had managed to get a full four feet away from the maniac and was ready to run if he needed to. "And you, Jeremy Jaffacake, I'll deal with you later."
With that, Ted stomped off to the tunnel toward's Audioslavia's changing room. Jeremy heard a door slam and the muffled sound of sports equiptment being thrown at walls. He also heard a phone ring. The same one he'd put down what seemed like an hour ago. He picked it up.
"H.. hello?" said Jeremy
"Rubio" said Rubio. "You OK?"
"Yeah... yeah I just had the fright of my life... you know that... you know 'Ted' we were talking about"
"Yep" said Rubio, "I heard him threaten you and I figured what had happened. Did the cavalry turn up in time?"
"Uh.. yes.. wait, what?"
"The cavalry. I made a call. Well, two, actually"
"Jesus christ Rubio, you're a star. You're an absolute star! How did you...?"
"Oh, y'know, nothing really, I just put a phone call through to the stadium and told them Jeremy Jaffacake was being assaulted on their premises"
"Phew" said Jeremy, before pausing. "Hang on, I didn't see any stadium staff here..."
"Yeah" said Rubio, "they said 'as good a place as any' and then hung up, so I made another call..."
Jeremy thought about the photographer... how disappointed he looked after he'd taken that photo...
"No.." he said
"Yep" said Rubio, "Made a call to our very own 'The Cy'Un'. Told them Jeremy Jaffacake was drinking and verbally abusing some female footballers in the tunnel at Audioslavia's match. Told them his fly was undone too"
"Wow... what did they say?"
"They didn't. They hung up immediately. Figured they'd be right on the phone to whichever papparazzi contact they had at the stadium. How quick was he?"
"Can't have been more than a minute or two... almost certainly saved my ass from... well, from god knows what"
"So you're OK, yeah?"
"Yeah... I owe you one. I owe you a few by now.."
"Think nothing of it" said Rubio, "you can speak to a couple of the bods in accounts and get me a raise, and you can teach me some more of that voodoo private-eye stuff that you do, and we'll call it quits."
"Certainly will" said Jeremy "on both counts."
There was a pause in the conversation. Jeremy looked up the tunnel to the pitch. The ball was being sent from the ASMV half to Audioslavia's half once again.
"Did they score the penalty?" asked Jeremy, "2-0 now?"
"Nope" said Rubio. "Great save from your goalie, tipped it round the post for a corner..." Jeremy curled his spare hand into a fist and uttered a silent 'yesss' in the general direction of the ceiling, "...which they scored from." - Jeremy uncurled his fist - "keeper made up for his heroics of thirty seconds before by dropping a poor cross straight at the feet of an ASMV player. Turned out to be Rassiria N’Bai, who got her second"
"Oh" came Jeremy's reply
"You're out of this one, Jeremy, you're having to do even more defending now then you were in the first half."
Jeremy sighed. A 2-0 defeat to ASMV was hardly the end of the world. There were three matches left in which Audioslavia could feasibly hit their target of amassing seven points from the group stage. That meant a win, a draw and a loss in their upcoming fixtures. It wouldn't be enough to make the second round, but advancing to that stage was never going to be likely in Audioslavia's first tournament back on the international scene. The Baptism of Fire tournament in a months's time - that was the important one.
"Nevermind, Rubie" Jeremy said, finally, "its to be expected. Our defense seems to at least be capable, right now"
"Yeah. Yeah I have to say I'm impressed. You guys desperately need a proper outlet, though. The two wee guys up front aren't strong enough to hold the ball up and set up counter-attacks.
"Aye" said Jeremy, "got to play with the players we've got, though"

Ten minutes later, Jeremy was sat on the bench beside Kelly Sporadic, getting the manager's view on the situation. Rubio had been right - Ted wouldn't do anything unless you managed to convince him that it was his idea all along. It wouldn't be the easiest of tasks to pull off, though, with both Jeremy and Rubio agreeing that the big man was brighter than he looked.
"Find someone" Jeremy had said to him, "find someone who can stand up to him and outsmart him. Find someone who can get him to play the way you need him to play"

The full-time whistle came and went. Audioslavia had been defeated, brought down to earth a little, but not humiliated. Hands were shaken all round, on the pitch and off.

When the players got back to the dressing room, there was no sign of Ted. Or his bags. Or a lot of the players' jewelry and electronics.

Full Time Score:
Audioslavia 0
Andossa Se Mitrin vega 2 (N'Bai - 18, 70)
Last edited by Audioslavia on Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Unitopolitan Roster for the AOCAF XXXIV

Postby Unitopolis » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:06 pm

(OOC): Sorry for complete lack of RP, I'm unable to see the scores for the matches when they happen because I don't have an account :palm: Here is my team for the rest of the tournament anyway, I'll try and get at least 1 more RP done before I'm knocked out.

GK Robert Godfrey 	Athletic Stanza 	28 
GK Dario Lopez Univerbardé 23
GK Robert Bragg New Dublin Dragons 29
LB Joshua Blake Athletic Stanza 28
LB Oliver Ward Wexwick 23
CB Sufjan Scopus (C) Athletic Stanza 26
CB Henri Sheuffer Zamba Torpedoes 20
CB Paul Grandin Zamba Torpedoes 30
CB Eric O'Donnell Wexwick 24
RB Josef Matinzky Eastern Chase (Civil Citizenry) 24
RB Aaron Miles Borderlands Sport 32
CDM John Radcliffe Univerbardé 27
CDM Daniel Podorino Van Sahar 28
LAM Exodus Otohegina Zamba Torpedoes 26
LAM Jason Nolbert Central City FC 23
LAM Alex Palmer LC Lagoa 21
CAM Dario Gishauf Athletic Stanza 24
CAM Abraham Arudaya Zamba Torpedoes 26
CAM John Freud New Dublin Dragons 31
RAM Luca Fabrossi Gratizoli 25
RAM Sun-Woo Kim Rihiki 23
RAM Noah Bloomstone Black Cherry (Hanox) 25
ST Shola N'Zwanzi Zamba Torpedoes 27
ST Emiliano Litz Gratizoli 24
ST Kevin O'Flynn New Dublin Dragons 22
ST Jack Beglin Athletic Stanza 26

Manager: Jack Beade - Jack Beade is one of the most respected and highly regarded managers in Unitopolitan history. He began his football career as a tough-tackling left-back with Univerbarde, before spells with Krazaky BK (with who he won a Player of the Year award) and later Athletic Stanza (where he won a league winners medal). He retired in 2001 and went straight into management, winning promotion to the Hibernium B Division with FC Mostov 1896 in his debut season.

After consolidating the club in the division, he was appointed manager of the national team, and he finished third in the Baptism of Fire 38. After an unsuccessful qualifying campaign he was sacked from the national job and he went to Elesbury FC in Mantwenic. Two consecutive MRPL titles followed before he returned to Unitopolis to manage LC Lagoa. Although he was unable to return the club to its former glory, he won a UFA Cup with the Lemons in the second of his three seasons at the Forest Park Stadium. After taking a year off from football he was re-hired by the UFA to manage the team during the AOCAF XXXIV and oversee the qualification campaign for World Cup 57.


GK: Robert Godfrey
LB: Joshua Blake
CB: Sufjan Scopus (C)
CB: Henri Sheuffer
RB: Josef Matinzky
CDM: John Radcliffe
LAM: Exodus Otohegina
CAM: Dario Gishauf
RAM: Luca Fabrossi
ST: Shola N'Zwanzi
ST: Emiliano Litz
Last edited by Unitopolis on Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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- Unitopolis WINNER
The Unitopolitan Embassy
Baptism of Fire 38: 3rd
Cup of Harmony 43, 44, 45, 47: Second Round
Gaelic Football World Cup I: 3rd
Gaelic Football World Cup II: Winners
Gaelic Football World Cup III: Winners
Olympic Bronze Medals in 200m and 400m sprints

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Founded: May 31, 2011

Postby Achtklan » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:46 pm

*posted with wrong nation... must've timed out...*
Last edited by Achtklan on Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Vilita » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:13 pm


Eel-Cat Things Cut Roster to 24 Players

Travel Distraction cited as Source of Disharmony in poor result

Citing confusion over who would be in the squad for each match and the costs of traveling between Legalese and Civil Citizenry between matches, the Football Association of Vilita have decided to do an about face on their earlier decision to alternate players between the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football tournament and the 21st Di Bradini Cup competition. Coach Kris Wrice will remain in Legalese to coach the Vilita & Turori Eel-Cat Things AOCAF squad while Tika Massa will head the Jungle Kitties in Civil Citizenry.

Arcticala Inlet 'keeper Aranora Jaded will be the go-to keeper for the Eel-Cat things in Legalese along with Turori's Ronji Miiastara and World Cup 58 and World Cup 58 backup goalkeeper Jungrii Canopii. Much to the dissapointment of fans in Atlantian Oceania, Vilitan National Team goalkeeper Nycflala Kater will be the #1 in the Di Bradini Cup, meaning one of the stars of the Vilitan League will not be participating in the rest of the AOCAF.

On defense, Vilita National Team captain Ritopa Simafela will be another absense from the AOCAF roster, the Strike FC defender will be captaining the Under-21 squad in Civil Citizenry, joined by Strike teammate Niubo Deneli and Eastal Lunar's Kadi Molali. An equally strong defensive lineup will certainly be in Coach Wrice's AOCAF squad in Legalese where Miiara Makose, Uajiala Pulkki and Turori National Team star Yoains Konoaafeo will be top choices in the lineup.

Vilitan backup Tujamu Treola will be competing with Turorian utility player Restiaa Mumamba for the starting position as floater in the Eel-Cat Things lineup. Tika Massa and the Under-21 Squad taking defensive midfielder Retiso Buran, starter in all but 6 of Vilita's National Team matches since World Cup 57, and expected to start all the matches for the Jungle Kitties in the Di Bradini Cup.

In midfield, the two all-time(active) average rating leaders on the Vilitan National Team were split up as Jomur Hulyer went to the Under-21 squad in Civil Citizenry while Strike FC teamate Jian Lejsrma will be staying in Atlantian Oceania with the Eel-Cat Things. The Under-21 squad will be quite strong with Astara Daiili, Steffyn Siazzu and Viliaka Morasita all on the Di Bradini Cup roster. Rexii Tzikas, Resaie Kentiak, Aniara Jiurjai and a trio of Turorians also join the Eel-Cats in Legalese.

On attack, the Stellar Divisions all time biggest transfer, Kristofer Kilpter, is sticking around in Legalese to play with the Eel-Cat things, Kilpter being half Turorian after all. Strike FC attacking duo Viji-mara Lawaai and Yves Gadois will lead the attacking force in Civil Citizenry with Xcnaio Bansoa, Sirkii Maoliaudo and Actalia Mermaioada backing them up.

With the split, coaches Wrice and Massa believe that both they, and their players will be able to focus better on the matches at hand giving them a better chance at success in both competitions than their previous strategy of shuttling players between regions just to gain a marginal tactical advantage over the opposition that is probably lost over in fatigue and disharmony in the squad.

Turorian fans will be pleased to see the increased importance of Turorian players in the re-structured Eel-Cat things player selection pool, with an increased liklihood of seeing Turorian players in the starting lineup despite the poor performance of some Turorians against Cafundeu.

Kris Wrice, remaining in Legalese to coach the AOCAF squad, has named the following players in his 24 player selection:


[ 91 ] Aranora Jaded [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 15 CAPS: 2 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.50 Average Rating ]
Jaded was given a great confidence boost by the decision of the coaching staff to sell Jaqe Planst to Cednia Beach AFC. The two young keepers were fighting for the right to be the next Arcticala starting keeper, and Jaded won that job, leading Arcticala to the Tropical Trophy title in Season 27 - on penalty kicks, against his opposite number Planst who was making his first start for Cednia Beach since leaving Arcticala.

[ 1 ] Ronji Miiastara [ - Marine Coast (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- GK ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 17 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Miiastara joined Marine Coast United in Vilita for their V-League 27 campaign in the Declasse, just the second ever for the club at that level. Miiastara was tasked with keeping the ball out of the net, and he did just that, helping lead Marine Coast United back to the Stellar Division at the first attempt leading up to V-League 28.

[ 92 ] Jungrii Canopii [ - Eastal Lunar - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 11 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 4.83 Average Rating ]
Canopii spent most of World Cup 57 Qualifications on the bench, earning three substitute appearances in official matches, though he was named starter for the mid-qualification charity match against Akbarabad to raise money for big cats, where he made 11 saves. Despite spending most of the campaign as the primary backup, Canopii was not given the opportunity to start when #1 keeper Kater missed two matches, leading doubts as to whether he is looked upon as a serious canadidate for the starting role in the future. After starting at the Inland Academy then signing for Inland Peaks, Canopii left the home-town club when they were relegated from the Stellar Division after Season 26, joining cross-range rivals Eastal Lunar.


[ 64 ] Uajiala Pulkki [ - Cednia Beach AFC (TUR) - ]
------- D C ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 13 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.08 Average Rating ]
Pulkki is a descendent of former Inland Peaks FC defender Pasi Pulkki, and many are saying he could even be better then his ancestors. Pulkki unfortunately lasted barely 22 minutes in his competitive debut against Ipeland in World Cup 57 qualifying, but has put in some more impressive performances since. Like many of his teammates, Pulkki left Inland Peaks after their relegation in VLeague 26, and headed over to Eastal Lunar. Pulkki was a star for Eastal during VLeague 27 earning a transfer to former champions Cednia Beach AFC for VLeague 28.

[ 94 ] Miiara Makose [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D C ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 40 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.62 Average Rating ]
Makose has Druidan blood, though has been diluted through multiple generations. He was trained as a goalkeeper in Turori but did not want to be stuck in the shadows of Nycflala Kater, so switched over to the defensive role when joining the Strike Academy. The transition was clearly justified as Makose was one of the top performing players in World Cup 57 qualifying, carrying a 6.65 average rating while appearing in 14 of Vilita's 16 group matches. Makose was also part of Strike's dominating VLeague 27 performances winning the League and Cup titles with the club.

[ 66 ] Sipaao Vereaoao [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D L ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 1 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 5.00 Average Rating ]
A product of the Inland Academy, Vereaoao has played in both Vilita & Turori, but committed his future to the Jungle Cats when featuring for them as a half time substitute against Nitrome Island during World Cup 57 qualifying. Vereaoao left long-time home Inland Peaks after they failed to achieve promotion from the Declasse during VLeague 27. Vereaoao signed for Marine Coast United, who had earned promotion in addition to a place in International Competitions

[ 2 ] Yoains Konoaafeo [ - Cednia Beach AFC (TUR) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- D RLC ( AGE: 21 CAPS: 19 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Konoaafeo was the top defensive product of the Yeaddin Academy and was expected to be part of the Vilitan national team set up due to this fact. However, after not being capped during World Cup 57 Qualifying, and learning of Turori's intention to enter World Cup 58, Konoaafeo switched allegiances both for club and country. After playing half of V-League 26 with the Kionao Locals, Konoaafeo moved to Cednia Beach AFC where he would lead the Coconut Kickers to their second V-League championship, being named Turorian player of the season in the process.

[ 8 ] Ricata Amakra [ - Orbital Kickers - ]
------- D C ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 0 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
The product of the Alikka-Corra Academy is a defender being compared locally with former Alikki-Corra FC defender Emarka Laniora. While he doesn't yet share the same ability to charge up either wing with the ball, his solid defensive skills should see him earn some playing time with the National Team. Amakra has been a star performer in the Non-Leagues with the Orbital Kickers.

[ 3 ] Lioniaa Tana [ - Eastal Lunar (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- D/DM LC ( AGE: 20 CAPS: 17 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Tana is one of the most athetlically skilled defensive players in the Turorian arsenal, although Tana's weakness shines in technical areas like heading and man to man marking. After starting their career at Vilitan side Rammsissil, Tana moved to Eastal Lunar FC during V-League 27.


[ 39 ] Tujamu Treola [ - Tivali United - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 17 CAPS: 6 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.33 Average Rating ]
A product of the Strike Academy, Tujamu Treola excels both defensively in the midfield, and with his head both defensively and on corner kicks. Treola made his competitive debut in World Cup 57 qualifying against West Zirconia, but has never signed a professional contract.

[ 22 ] Restiaa Mumamba [ - Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- ATH ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 17 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Mumamba has been the definition of a versatile player for Vilita's Yeaddin Owls since joining them for the V-League 27 season from Jlinal Cove FC. Mumamba has played in every position from Central Defender to Striker, scoring a game winning goal in one game and a game saving tackle in the next. Mumamba is an expert choice for a third sub or to allow tactical changes on the pitch without substitutions being made.

[ 38 ] Dronik Ratuva [ - Morata Valley - ]
------- DM RLC ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 0 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Dronik Ratuva was an exciting prospect from the Valley Academy, who is also able to move wide to defensively cover the wings when 2 or 3 central defenders are used. Ratuva helped Morata Valley earn promotion to the Stellar Division during VLeague 26.


[ 53 ] Resaie Kentiak [ - Arcticala Inlet - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 28 :: GOALS::SR: 2 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.53 Average Rating ]
Kentiak is a product of the Coastal Academy who has played a substitute role in the center of midfield for the Vilitan National Team.

[ 74 ] Jian Lejsrma [ - Strike FC - ]
------- AM RL ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 18 :: GOALS::SR: 5 U21: REG: ) :: [ 7.62 Average Rating ]
Lejsrma is a speed demon who was trained at the Strike Academy. The most dynamic and pacey winger in the Vilitan system, he is expected to be a great player for many seasons to come. At this stage in his development, he may get overlooked as he works more on his technique and vision, but with experience, he will learn these skills. Lejsrma has been an important part of Strike FC's VLeague successes

[ 27 ] Rexii Tzikas [ - Cednia Beach AFC (TUR) - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 41 :: GOALS::SR: 6 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.20 Average Rating ]
Tzikas was the top propsect of the Arcticala Academy, and one of the most highly rated players in the Vilitan National Team pool entering World Cup 57 Qualifiers. The Tzikas name has some history in Vilitan Sport, formerly, Toby Tzikas was a midfielder on the National Team, though he was less known than other former Vilitan Stars as he played his club football in Starblaydia. Rexii was the only Vilitan player to start every single match during qualifications for World Cup 57. His presence was strong averaging a 6.01 rating with 2 goals. Tzikas strong performances also were reflected domestically scoring 9 goals in 2 seasons with Turoki Tide before transferring to Cednia Beach for VLeague 28 season.

[ 7 ] Rikko Rawaii [ - Arcticala Inlet (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- AM C ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 19 :: GOALS::SR: 2 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Rawaii's dribbling ability coupled with lightning pace make him a threat any time he touches the ball, to create something even from nothing with a few quick moves. Rawaii is not known so much as a goalscorer, instead, an opportunity creator.

[ 17 ] Cediici Tzatzos [ - Strike FC (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- M R ( AGE: 22 CAPS: 18 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
A determined winger, Tzatzos is a product of the Strike Academy and has remained a bit-part player for the club since the Vilitan League resumed for Season 26.

[ 70 ] Aniara Jiurjai [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 15 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 5.66 Average Rating ]
Jiurjai was trained in Turori but declared for Vilita after being called upon for World Cup 57 Qualifying. Jiurjai can play both central and outside midfield and can use both feet equally well. After declaring for Vilita, Jiurjai moved from Turori to Turoki to play with the Turoki Tide. Strong performances during VLeague 26 earned Jiurjai a transfer to Strike for VLeague 27 where the midfielder was instrumental to Strike's League and Cup double.

[ 13 ] Vrotaoa Lorasoiba [ - Arcticala Inlet (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- M C ( AGE: 20 CAPS: 17 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Lorasoiba's impressive performances for Turoki United, including 5 goals during the V-League 26 season, earned a high-value transfer to top Vilitan side Arcticala Inlet AFC. While it took Lorasoiba some time to get settled into life on the big Island, Lorasoiba's performances were enough to get an invitation to the Turori National Training camp for World Cup 58.


[ 43 ] Kristofer Kilpter [ - Cednia Beach AFC (TUR) - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 41 :: GOALS::SR: 7 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.26 Average Rating ]
Kilpter is joint Vilitan & Turori national, but declared to play for Vilita, with the lure of World Cup competition in Vilita's entry into World Cup 57 the key decision maker after the Turorian side was not entered. Kilpter netted 4 times during the World Cup 57 campaign but missed three matches due to an undisclosed injury. After struggling to win silverware with the Yeaddin Owls, Kilpter made the Largest Transfer in V-League history (12.7 kT) to Turorian side Cednia Beach. The transfer was more than double the 4.5kT previous transfer record in the Vilitan League, which was also payed by Cednia Beach to Yeaddin (for Antonis Siazzu).

[ 8 ] Liinai Zakazaka [ - Jlinal Cove FC (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- F C ( AGE: 19 CAPS: 18 :: GOALS::SR: 2 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Zakazaka joined Jlinal Cove FC for the V-League 27 season and gained some attention back in Turori for their contribution to the 'Cove's impressive top-4 finish in the final standings

[ 44 ] Erocka Lorei [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 16 :: GOALS::SR: 8 U21: REG: ) :: [ 6.45 Average Rating ]
The top attacking prospect at the Kiiara Academy, Erocka Lorei was expected to get quite a few chances to impress on the national stage during World Cup 57 Qualifying and did not dissapoint, leading the Vilitan team in goals scored with 5 in the competition despite only featuring in 11 out of 16 matches. Lorei claims to be a penalty kick specialist but has not been known for his aerial ability. Lorei signed professionally for Declasse side Liguon Valley during Season 26, but moved on to the Stellar Division during Season 27 with Makosile.

[ 9 ] Anuh Ciniima [ - Morata Valley (Vilita) - ] :: TURORIAN ::
------- F C ( AGE: 20 CAPS: 8 :: GOALS::SR: 1 U21: REG: ) :: [ N/R ]
Ciniima was born in Turori to Misrantian parents before moving to Vilita to study and train for his sporting career. The unselfish striker joined Morata Valley after their promotion to the Stellar Division for Season 27 as a compliment to Turorian Striker Loala Kigoouao. Ciniima, while able to put the ball in the net when needed, has shown to be an expert decision maker, recording twice as many assists as goals inside the box.

[ 9 ] Lita Adjei [ - Unattached - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 18 CAPS: 1 :: GOALS::SR: 0 U21: REG: ) :: [ 5.00 Average Rating ]
A product of the Turoki Academy, Adjei has sport in the blood, being a descendent of former Stellar Division top Forward award winner Ippolit Adjei. Adjei moved on a loan to newly promoted Hojosan in The Yorozura after WC57 quals as part of an investment deal with the clubs kit sponsors, VIlitan based Vilaye energy drink.

The new selection pool will be active immediately, starting with the Vilita - Icemark clash on MD3.
Last edited by Vilita on Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
-¤-¤-¤World Cup 20 Champions¤-¤-¤-¤-¤-¤World Cup 68 Champions¤-¤-¤-
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