Baptism of Fire 44 Everything thread.

[Qazox]

Sorry but I was CUTOFF from leaving work on time tonight by a bunch of stragglers. Regional Quarterfinal scores and Regional Semifinal venues up ASAP!

[Qazox]

Winning teams are in BOLD

QF1 and QF2 winners will meet in one semifinal.
QF3 and QF4 winners will meet in the other semifinal.

Mangolana Region--

QF1- @ Mangolana City Stadium, Mangolana City #1 Nicole Scherzinger 1-1 #9 Gyatso-Kai (2-1 AET)
QF2- @ Republic Stadium, Skyline #4 Mapletish 2-2 #5 Arcatea (2-2 AET) (4-3 Pen.)

QF3- @ Mangolanites Stadium, Narcana #2 The Golden Tamarind 4-0 #7 Rouge Pioneers
QF4- @ Calss Flienberg Stadium, Arlnet #3 Iphmopf 0-1 #6 Miley World

Semifinal matchups
SF1- @ Citizens Payed Stadium, Herogeos #1 Nicole Scherzinger v. #4 Mapletish
SF2- @ Republic Stadium, Skyline #2 The Golden Tamarind v. #6 Miley World


Qazox Region--

QF1- @ Estadia Pika, Pika City #1 Euskirribakondara 3-0 #9 Thatius
QF2- @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla #4 Lymantatia 0-1 #5 Megadia

QF3- @ New Bruxen Hotel and Casino Field, New Bruxen #2 The Kytler Peninsulae 0–0 #10 Ipeland (0–0 AET) (4–2 pen.)
QF4- @ Rockport Stadium, Rockport #3 Seunem 0–0 #6 Brendino the 3rd (0–0 AET) (4–3 pen.)

Semifinal matchups
SF1- @ New Bruxen Hotel and Casino Field, New Bruxen #1 Euskirribakondara v. #5 Megadia
SF2- @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg #2 The Kytler Peninsulae v. #3 Seunem

[Arcatea]

Arcatea heartbreaking loss Mapletish in shootout

Skyline, Mangolana- One shot, that is all that kept Arcatea from advancing to the Semi-Finals in the Baptism of Fire. Mapletish comes out on top in penalty shots after being tied 2-2 throughout regular and extra time. The match up between the Ordonez group teams proved to be better then their first matchup as the first game of the tournament. Craig Deal and Ernie Glove scored for Arcatea, giving Deal 7 goals during the BoF.

I'm upset, but I can't be mad. We played great, and kept up with them all the way to the end. The team came out and did everything they were supposed to do, and in the end, we just didn't make enough shots in penalties. I wish Mapletish the best of luck, they are on the top of their game right now. We will be cheering for them against Nicole Scherzinger. As far as where we go next, we aren't sure. We'd like to stay and watch the last few games, but we might head home if Arcatea's bid for the Republic Cup is accepted and play in that. If not, we'll play some friendlies and keep our training going.

-Manager Marvin Glove

I don't have much to say. I scored a goal, and did everything out there to try and win this one. It wasn't in the stars for us, and we are fine with that. Its time to take a little time off, maybe play some friendlies or whatever and get ready to try to qualify for the World Cup.

-Craig Deal

I want it to be known, that i did not crap my shorts after last game, unlike some equipment manager was quoting as saying. I just sweat alot.

-Ernie Glove

[Mapletish]

Mapletish finishes Arcatea in Penalties 4-3 after 2-2 from Normal And Extra Time

Mapletish to face Nicole Scherzinger in the Semi Finals

Mapletish started the match well controlling the passes and preventing Arcatea from getting the ball.Alero Junio pushes the pressure up and mess around with the Arcatea in which Junio finish off an easy shot past the keeper not effortless but with some effort in the 25th minute.Arcatea went up a step further and scores with Craig Deal in the 27th minute as he shoot effortlessly after a wrongly timed tackle from Glena Johnson.Arcatea lead the first half after winning the ball through vigrous yet fair and clean tackles as they surround the play not much of what Manager Patterson might have expected.Arcatea scores with Ernie Glove in the 34th minute to put the pressure onto Mapletish.Steven Johnson was given a chance in the 43rd minute after a cross from Craig Thomas from the flank but he fail to make his shot count.Junio responded to this miss with a mistimed shot as it lands in the keeper's arms.
Halftime:
Mapletish 1 - 2 Arcatea

Arcatea kicked off the second half with exciting passing as they rampage into attack with Patterson switching to a safer option of a 4-5-1 to counter the fast passing and total football by Arcatea who leads to increase their lead but to no avail.A chance came in the 50th minute for Arcatea as Craig Deal chested down the ball and dribble towards the keeper after he nutmegged John Davis but he sees this chance go out of target as Travis Hard get his hands on the ball and tipped it out.Arcatea was awarded a corner but the corner was a waste,Mapletish quickly responded to this good chance and linked up a fast counterattacking football but Craig Thomas was unable to get past the keeper and ended up on the losing end.Mapletish was desperated to get a goal but they couldn't link up the play to break the defences of Arcatea.In the 75th minute,Patterson did a switch in his tatics going for a 2-7-1 formation with strong midfield support to bring the play up.It proved well,as the traditional play get its tempo after the drumming by the fans and the shouts of Patterson.Mapletish got their well deserved equaliser in the 87th minute,on the spot,with Junio equalising,3 minutes before the final whistle in which they maintain the safe equaliser to bring the game to the mindcracking 30 minutes of extra time.
After Normal Time :
Mapletish 2 - 2 Arcatea

Arcatea kicked off the first half of extra time with a bang.The play starts to build up as the already fatigue pledged players continue to play on the fast and attractive attacking football giving the strong 7 man midfield counters of swift yet careless passes and they were unable to get pass the solid midfield defence as predicted by Patterson.Mapletish build up on this in the strong building up of procession in the 100th minute to push the ball up to Arcatea's half to bring them helpless yet confident to bring the ball on.Junio missed a well long shot from the edge of the box in which was a good try after banging two past Arcatea in normal time.Craig Thomas made use of the tired defence to pile up on his never ending supply of stamina outrunning defenders and getting the attack going.Unfortunately,both sides were unable to lead the 1st half of extra time after 15 minutes.
First Half Extra Time :
Mapletish 2 - 2 Arcatea

Mapletish kicked off the second half of extra time with a attacking minded football on the defensive minded Arcatea who looks to bring the game to the penalty spot.Mapletish switched to a traditional 4-3-3 when they have the ball and a 3-2-5 when they are not with the ball to pressure the fatigue pledged opponents.In the 110th minute,Craig Thomas spotted a hole in the goal and he fired a shot which hit the bar causing the bar to crack a little.The play continued despite the crack as the referee thinks that it was not bothering the game.Mapletish piled up pressure in the 117th minute but a miss by Junio put the score to a deadlock.The play was then stuck on the halfway line until the 120th minute and the final extra time whistle.
Second Half Extra Time :
Mapletish 2 -2 Arcatea

Penalty Shootout Commentary
It is now time for the penalty shootout to seperate the two new rivals in the Baptism of Fire 44 Quarter Finals.
Junio comes for the 1st penalty shot and he scores with a well palced shot to the top right hand corner.

Now Arcatea will come up for the penalty.
Ahh a goal from Craig Deal,a nice placed shot to the bottom left hand corner.

Mapletish will be up again with Criag Thomas on the spot.
Criag Thomas has tuck it away.

Arcatea for the penalty.
Wow a goal from Frank Valery,Travis Hard never stands a chance.

The score now is 2-2,and now Steven Johnson looks into the eyes of Mike Wilson and he bangs it straight into Mike's face but Mike tries to save it but it went in.

Now it is Bill Ernie Glove for the penalty for Arcatea,he looks dangerous and he blast it pas the keeper.

John Davis is up for the final penalty for that set,he fakes it to his right and bangs it to the left,a 4-3 now.

Prince Elman is having a hard time here,if he misses Arcatea is off he tucks it away,it is the sudden death.
He steps up but his shot was saved by Traivs Hard,Mapletish through to the Semi-Finals....

Press Conference

Our lads were excellent today but there is still room for improvment.Their hardwork has been rewarded with a win,now Mapletish will look match by match as there should be no mistakes now as we are in the semi finals.Junio has done well here and so is the rest of the team most importantly the defence and the solid midfield defensive strategies by Sir Billy for example.For a win against Arcatea,we will be looking forward to seeing them in the Republic Cup soon and also we will wish them all the best for their Republic Cup host bid in which we will be supporing them.THey gave us a game and a really good game indeed.I thank all the special guests that make their appearance today and also will thank them in advance as they will be supporting the team for the semi-finals and if possible the finals.A lot of improvment as to be done and I'm sure the support from Arcatea's fans and supporters will also boost our performance.Thank You.

[The Kytler Peninsulae]

From the Daily Spark, that infamously downmarket tabloid.

SPOT ON! (EVENTUALLY...)
Soccer side sneak shoot-out success

The Kytler Peninsulae 0-0 Ipeland
[after extra time: The Kytler Peninsulae win 4-2 on penalties]

Frustration turned to joy and relief as The Kytler Peninsulae finally defeated Ipeland to reach the Baptism of Fire regional semi-final.

The boys failed to break down a stubborn Ipeland team - who even had the best chance when Kevin Texan hit the post with a free header in the 53rd minute.

But veteran goalie Kris Joyce made saves from both Texan and David Silverman, while all four Kytlerian penalties went in - setting up an eagerly-awaited clash with Seunem.

----

In the Kytlerian team hotel the next day.

"Did you see this?" asked the manager, Thomas Morgan, to his assistant. "They had the best chance? Upson had a couple of easier headers than that saved by Stainag, and Vandenburgh was one-on-one ten yards out when he put it just wide in extra-time."

"It's the Daily Spark, boss. Why are you reading that thing online anyway? The girls, I take it?"

"Look, it's online. If I was that fussed about the girls I'd just do a search for pornography. Or any old image search for that matter."

"So, Seunem next. They didn't have it easy either."

"Pretty much the same sort of game that we had. To be honest, worse. At least ours had chances at either end and was always scary. Seunem looked terrified and very defensive. They're clearly suffering the side-effects of Verbosita withdrawal."

"What's with this Verb-"

"It makes us talk about being world-beaters, and when you start talking enough about doing something, you can come closer to achieving it."

"Well, if that's all Verbosita does, I don't think it's worth the fuss."

"But look at the Babbageball lot. And the baseball players. They've been given extensive supplies of Verbosita, and they have 100% records even though they have no international experience."

"Anyone can win at Babbageball."

"But someone's got to lose at it, right? We haven't. And surely we need to take heed of what successful teams have been doing?"

"Euskirribakondara haven't been on the Verbosita lately from what I heard, and they were dominant yesterday. I trusted you when I said they might lose that game and weren't that dangerous overall, and look where it's got me! Look where we are! I don't trust you!"

"Thomas, Thomas... if it makes more sense this way, I'll describe it this way. Taking Verbosita brings you closer to Margaret."

Thomas stared at his assistant.

"Can I have some?"

[Brendino the 3rd]

Devastating Loss Comes in Shootout
With the lower seed and lower expectations to win, Brendino the 3rd did everything they had to do in order to hold off a good Seunem, and they did a good job. Unfortunately for the Ferrets, the penalty shootout proved too much for them to handle, losing by a 4-3 margin. Goalkeeper Jayden McKenzie expressed the team's disappointment in an emotional interview:

Sometimes a loss like that is hard to deal with. We stop their offense, we have our own chances to score but we still lose. They never scored on us...yet that shootout was won by one goal...Thats definitely disappointing.

Despite McKenzie's disappointment, he played an astounding game in net, saving all 9 of Seunem's shots on goal. He recorded his 3rd shutout but unfortunately it wasn't enough.

You have to give credit to Seunem, but I think it should be noted we played an excellent game. We came in as the underdogs but we played a solid defensive game, unfortunately George [Stewart] and Joseph [Pratt] couldn't put one in goal but hell, we did pretty well in this tournament towards the end. Now we look forward to the World Cup and the Republic Cup, both of which we hope to improve our performance and make another good run. This time hopefully past the quarterfinals

---Coach Corrin Keiger

This loss ends Brendino the 3rd's bid for a Baptism of Fire title, which has been an impressive run after losing the first two matches of group play.

[The Golden Tamarind]

Tamarindia 4-0 Rouge Pioneers

How could we possibly doubt them? Everyone, it seemed, back home in the land of the golden monkey was pessimistic about the Tamarins' chances. The pressure was getting to them, their form had dipped at the wrong time, Masvidal wasn't scoring, Coach Sampaio was wearing the wrong colour tie. How wrong we all were, as the boys took their biggest swing yet at this competition with a strong performance against the Pioneers and perhaps the result they should've had against the rainbow-coloured team from the minuscule region of GPRO during group play. At the back, Salinas and Moscoso were imperious, giving their keeper Tapia almost nothing to do for the whole ninety minutes except have a little natter with the two Tamarindian supporters behind the goal, superfans Keston Demmin and his friend Alexi of Ateo. Otto Moscoso is surely the favourite to win Tamarindian player of the tournament with his no-nonsense approach, accomplished passing out of defense, and marshalling of the line. His full backs Guillén and Calderón were given licence to overlap with the wingers for most of the game, and the Pioneers had a torrid time defending the flanks, leaving space in the middle for young Hannibal to roam freely and cause chaos with his running from deep. Up front, the first-choice pairing of Masvidal and Sergio Basta worked a treat, Masvidal making his presence felt with his physical game and constant harassment of the poor Pioneer centre-half trio Herbinor, Gurney and Descri; while Basta's movement into spaces and playing off the warhorse Masvidal meant that he, like Hannibal, was impossible to track. At times the Tamarins looked like they had extra men on the field, so often did players find themselves space in which to run.

No shock counter attacks this time, as the Pioneers found it almost impossible to break, with Olavarria sitting in front of the back four breaking down anything promising coming through the centre, and the wingers Candal and de la Cruz happy to track back with their fullback partners to prevent wide runs. Not that they were often called upon to do so, as the usual attacking mentality of the Pioneers was obliterated by Coach Sampaio's 360º passing game, pulling and pushing the rainbow midfielders this way and that as they chased shadows. Masvidal bagged a first half brace for the Tamarins, either side of a tournament first for Rueben Candal cutting in from the wing on a great solo run, exchanging passes in a lightning-fast one-two with Basta before poking home past a stranded Mark Derry. Before that Masvidal and Basta combined neatly to set up Hannibal, looking for his third in three games, but his thumping shot hit the cross bar and came back into play, Basta cleverly pulling down the loose ball to tee up Masvidal, who toe-poked home the opener. Masvidal got his second and the Tamarins third on the stroke of half-time, from a direct free kick: Derry will not want to see the replay as he ought to have scooped up the placed shot with some ease. Early in the second half Sergio Basta got his fourth of the tournament, rising to meet a peach of a cross from Candal, and hammering home a fierce header. After that the Tamarins shut up shop, making three substitutions to rest the legs of key players, and while a fifth goal was not forthcoming, the Pioneers always looked on the back foot and will be disappointed to go home on this showing, when they had done so well during the group stage.

For Tamarindia it's another step along their development path, and while they must not allow complacency to creep in, they will now feel they have dispelled any lingering doubts about their mental strength to compete at this level. It's another group rematch for the Mangolana semi-final, the cheerful fellows of Miley World, who played well against Tamarindia last time out but lost by a single goal, and who are inclined to laugh out loud at the drop of a hat. Speaking of hats, did anyone see that dog show during the half-time interval entertainment? Apparently it is very difficult to train a Qazo Setter to do anything, they are so unruly and single-minded, but to have a whole troop of them perform synchronised stunts with fire rings whilst wearing little sailors caps is a feat not far short of miraculous. Of course, as a nation of dog lovers, we Tamarindo could not help but be impressed and enthralled by the performance, and which of us did not recall the story of our most famous footballing terrier, Billita el Perro of Racing Castro?

#97. Billita el Perro
Racing Castro, 1960s

Such was the notoriety of the little terrier Billita el Perro that in 1967 the Tamarindian collectible sticker-makers Pinunu honoured her with her own sticker as part of the Racing Castro team, where she could often be found 'supporting' her boys and occasionally, when frustrated with a poor showing on the field of play by Los Fidels, would come on to demonstrate how it was done. Billita, or Billy to her friends, was a prize-winning Tamar Spotted Terrier in a country that, with a 99.7% declared militant atheist population, almost venerates dogs to the same degree it curses the hairy river dolphin and invokes the jumping monkey before a venture; so she was already well known in many circles as the offspring of Guiliana el Perro and her mate Tarxan. Having retired from showing by the age of 3, claiming to be far more interested in passing than preening, and in the offside rule than the proper conduct code for the obedience ring rule, Billy showed a remarkable facility for taking part – usually uninvited – in football matches at local parks where she would be taking her owners for a walk. Subsequently she persuaded them to take her to Castro Greyhound Track, not to run with the dogs but to watch Racing, the football club who used to play there before moving to Arena Havana in the 1990s.

Nip & Tuck

As good as she was at football, like many footballers Billita el Perro was not especially good at spectating. She was well known for barking at opposition players, and for howling when Racing, never a great club in the general scheme of things, conceded a goal. She was also known for growling at linesmen if she felt they were performing under par, and to outright shout at them, in a barking sort of way, if they made a judgement call with which she disagreed. And since she was a fierce fan of Racing, she almost always disagreed with anything that did not go their way – she was not famed for her impartiality. While her owners said she was the sweetest, most laid back and affectionate terrier at home, like many it seemed the football brought out the hooligan in her and she was inclined, on occasion, to take the law into her own hands by leading a pitch invasion. The club did try to ban her after one such incident, but Billy being such a famous character, there was a public outcry and she was once more readmitted back into the fold. Various tactics were employed unsuccessfully to manage her behaviour on the terraces, such as a collar and leash, anti-hooligan fencing, and a restraining order to keep her at least five metres from the pitch, but they invariably failed.

On some occasions her one-dog pitch invasions were done to add a little grit to the poor Racing midfield, for she would rush on to take possession of the ball, and dribble it using her snout with remarkable skill whilst growling furiously. Players did not want to tackle her, and if they did, they would often get a nip on the ankle for their efforts. Whilst she did not ever manage to score – her lifelong ambition – she did get three red cards in her career of which she was immensely proud.

Billita el Perro passed away peacefully in 1970, aged 13, a few days after attending a league match between Racing and Cartageñas which ended in a 3-3 draw. By then she was too old to lead pitch invasions and was content to sit in an executive box and comment quietly on the match play with some gentle grumbling. At the next home game a minute's silence was observed in her honour and later that year a bronze statue commissioned of Racing's most famous supporter.

[Megadia]

Megadia are emerging as the shock contenders for the Baptism of Fire title after a 1-0 win against Lymantatia to book their place in the Qazox Region semi-final against first seeds, Euskirribakondara who will most definitely prove to be a resilient and formidable opponent. To celebrate the occasion we have decided to re-enact the match, I mean...battle in medieval style:

The Megadian warriors approached the enemy perimeter cautiously, early on in the first attack but Baron Richard St. John protected his base exceptionally well, cancelling out the unpredictable, Sir Freshwater-Blake who is usually the hero in battles; but today, a different warrior was in the midst of victory, in the shape of Lord Middleton. Who drove his way through the Lymantatia defence, tearing their back-line to pieces and giving Megadia a firm lead in the battle. Lymantatia then decided to retreat, allowing a short break for the Megadian forces.

The battle restarted when Lymantatian archers started firing at the Megadians who replied with a vicious charge at the opposition, there was so little resistance from the opposition that it was technically a massacre, but a lone warrior, Lady Helene Gill ran alone, getting the better of a number of opponents before finally falling dead. Megadia then proceeded to defeat the few remaining Lymantatian fighters with ease, therefore securing the win.

[Belvadaire]

The title sounds more like a Hell bound race, my opinion, no offense, thinking out loud.

[Miley World]

Miley World Daily Mail

Miley World beats Iphmopf and advances to the Mangolana's semi finals!

Miley World continues its way in the BoF by defeating Iphmopf in Mangolana's quarter finals. It was a hard played game again and both teams played well defensively. At the 32nd minute, Iphmopf thought they scored when Will Kingston kicks the ball into the net, but the referree said no goal because Kingston was offside. So the score was still 0-0. Miley World scored at the 79th minute when Connor Downing pass the ball to Ashley Johnstone, he pass the ball back to Downing who passes to Grégory Dedieu. Dedieu shoots and he scores! The score was 1-0 for Miley World and it was the final score.

Boxscore:
79' Grégory Dedieu assisted by Connor Downing (Miley World)

Yellow Cards:
52' Lucas Foreland (Iphmopf)
64' Fabrice Durand (Miley World)

Rematch between Golden Tamarind and Miley World

Miley World only lost 1 game so far in the tournament, and it was in the group phase against Golden Tamarind. Sergio Basta scored midway in the 1st half and that game was interrupted by a nudist in the 2nd half. We Interviewed Grégory Dedieu, here's what he said:

"yo i talked 2 my team mates n were all happy 2 hav dis rematch aginst goldin tamarin we now we can beet dem lol dat game we loss 1-0 wen it was interropted bye the nekkid dude we controlled the ball 53 per cint off the time so it cood hav gon on eother side n we hav 1 off the best gollie off the termanen so we can beet them lol"

Well umm Grégory Dedieu knows how to score, but it's hard to understand him when he talks.

Ross Wallace

It was reported in an Iphmopf newspaper that Tom Simms played alongside Ross Wallace in our 2nd division. This info is correct, Ross Wallace played 4 years wiff the Amsterdam Hamsters in the 2nd division when he was on loan by his current club, Arsenal. A certain foreigner named Tom Simms played 2 years for the Hamsters while Wallace was playing for them.

[Seunem]

“What?”

“…”

“What?”

“Explain to me the thought processes, lad.”

“I… I thought it could be, like, our own raiigar, or ulek, or… the other one. Harrdiharr.”

“This is no laughing matter, lad. The hands on the hips, the swirly hands thing? It ain’t going t’strike fear into the heart of the enemy. Baring yer teggies, maybe. Sticking yer tongue out…”

“Sticking our tongues out…?”

“Ye-ah… Never been too sure about that one meself. Don’t suppose anyone’s brought a war club they could brandish?”

“I’ve got a turkey baster, sir, if it’d help.”

“Yeah, that’s always an opt… Lass, why exactly have you got a…?”

“I tried to bring my hakapik through customs, but they were having none of it.”

“And that, my dear lad Eirik, is the price we pay for living in these times of heightened awareness. When a young man is separated from his hakapik, you know the terrorists have won.”

“Haka! Pik!”

“That’s a bit more like it! Any fear of some thigh slapping?”

“Don’t push it, Mr Taubmann, sir.”

“Right you is, lad, right you is.”

***

“Oh, what?” Samson sighed testily as the squad, heads down, feet shuffling, made their way with a certain reluctance to the hotel’s designated meeting point.

“I didn’t say anything!”

“It wasn’t what you didn’t say, it’s the way you didn’t say it…”

“You’re still brooding. Don’t get me wrong, you do it very well. It’s very modern, touch of the vampires about it. You won, didn’t you? You got what you wanted.”

“Yeah, but… At what cost?” the striker demanded in a dramatic whisper. “Do you feel as flat as I do?”

“Positively pancakian,” Amy nodded. “There’s no fizz. I just feel kinda grey… And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.”

“That’ll be the come-down, I guess…”

“Maybe. Tell me again, did he actually admit it?”

Sam grimaced. “Not in so many words… Or rather, in an awful lot of words, several of which I’d never heard before, until I left more confused than I’d started… But what else could it be, come on? We found the little bottles in the dressing room, I mean you can hardly get mo–”

Um?

“Yeah?”

Did you? I think I must’ve missed that bit.

“Yeah, you were away for a couple of days. Events moved on a-pace.”

Ah, right. Gotcha. I’ll just shut up again, then.

“Please do. But Sam, i–”

Sorry, don’t want to interrupt again, I didn’t miss anything else important, did I?”

“No! Apart from the three-nil drubbing of Zhevalsso-zhevalsso. Sam got another couple of goals, you know…”

“One of them was a penalty…”

You shouldn’t put yourself down so much.

“That’s what I’m always telling him. Are we done now, please? People are starting to notice.”

As you were.

Amy shook her head sadly. “It just feels like we’re fizzling all of a sudden, doesn’t it?”

“That’s not a good fizzling, right?”

“Have you ever known a good fizzling? We should’ve lost that game, fair and square, even if that kid they had between the sticks hadn’t been on fire. If it wasn’t for Eirik we’d be going home right now.”

“Yeah… So? Bredino’re a decent side, we’ve got no God-given right to beat them. A win on pens is still a win.”

“But it doesn’t feel like that, does it? When we were on that… stuff, it felt like we were supposed to win, didn’t it? It did feel like our God-given right! Now it’s just… It’s just like we’re the same old amateurs and…”

“No-marks.”

“…no-marks, right, that we were when we got here! I mean, for heaven’s sake, the Kytlerians’re completely open about it! They’re shameless! And thanks to your bloody conscience it’s going t’be a ninety minute procession while they carve us up like the Christmas turkey!”

“Hey,” said Sam reproachfully, poking her in the shoulder, “I thought we were going through a second phase of détente. C’maan, show me some love.”

Amy laughed. “I’m a nice Candelarian girl, Sammy, I never put out on the second détente. It certainly ain’t you who’ll get the blame, anyway…” she added, trailing off as they reached the doorway where Thomas Merrytent and Paschal waited, leathery arms folded.

“If I might wrench thee apart from your carping…”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Sam found a corner next to George and the Mytanar clique and waited impatiently, trying not to catch the eye of the manager. They’d had Words. Things were different. Once and forever more, he was the player’s man in the manager’s office now.

Thome Devero proved to be the last of the stragglers, shutting the door behind him at Taubmann’s request and leaving the squad locked in the small conference room. There was not, Sam had to acknowledge, a happy atmosphere.

Maybe Amy was right? It was only like vitamins, or a proper training regimen. And without it, the squad seemed sapped of all energy and, even worse, their belief.

Still, he was their captain, just about. There were standards to maintain…

“Oi. Juri.”

“Yeah, mate?” the versatile winger asked without looking up.

“Stick the mobile away, there’s a good boy…”

The Mytanar shrugged noncommittally, but did what he was told. “Just a mate from back home. Plannin’ a right scrap for next Thursday…”

“You’ll be here next Thursday!”

“Yeah, right, right. ‘Course,” said Juri, rolling his eyes. “But just in case, like. Heh… Olympic ain’t gonna know what’s hit them!” He paused. “We-ell… They will a bit, obviously, ‘cause Vlad’s got t’tell ‘em where to turn up. He’s a good sort, furran Olympic…”

“You… arrange these things beforehand…?”

“Yeah, man. You’ve got t’plan ahead, you can’t just hope people’ll turn up if you want it done proper. Oh gawd, and that’s set Georgey-boy off. Anyone got his inhaler?”

As several of the more thoughtful players went over to comfort the fretful forward, the manager appeared to take his cue to stride across the room and clear his throat with a great hacking cough.

“If your dialogue with the electronic device is fullbrot, Mister Juri, and you offer no further thoughts for export?”

“Plenny, mate. Dunno how helpful you’d find ‘em, though…”

“Then gentlemen,” Thomas pronounced with a flourish, turning his attention away from the scowling teenager, “And fair ladies…”

“…‘n’ sexist pricks…”

“…I am old, dear children, but I have not yet released my eyes to make sail on the Styx. I see your fear. Your elation at creeping under the third Brendino has fast dissipated. The men of Kytler are a more scareful a proposition indeed. I feel that too. But you must grasp hope, dear children…”

“‘Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man’.”

“No, Mister Thome, not so. Rejoice in hope. Be patient, it is said, in tribulation. Hope… hope is the egg, dear child, the egg of victory, indeed, hm. Inside, may we find… ah… unexpected…”

“Inside you’ll find some yellow gunky stuff, or else an ickle chicken, unless it’s a Kinder Surprise. And none of that’s going to help us, so why don’t you actually try coaching us, for pity’s sake.”

Harding, Sam thought through gritted mental teeth. The worlds’ most punchable face, but you’re not wrong, are you? Who does this guy think he is? He can’t even do inspirational speeches, for crying out loud…

“I cannot coach you!” Thomas snapped. “The eagle cannot teach the butterfly to soar. My understanding is so far beyond your meagre mental means…”

Sam winced, and shut his eyes. And if that wasn’t the sound of distant gunfire he could hear, then that was definitely rather more than a dozen derisive snorts. One of them, he feared, might even have been his own.

“This is just is stupid,” Harding spat. “Listen, Tommy-boy, and don’t kid yourself. We’ve got this far without you! Completely without you! You might as well not have been here…”

“That’s probably not strictly true,” Amy muttered. This time, Sam couldn’t even be bothered to hush her up.

“…and now you think you can stand up there and crap on about eggs and eagles, and think that’s going t’make us beat Kytler!? We’ve dragged ourselves to the quarter-finals, fine, brilliant, but it doesn’t really change anything, does it? This isn’t a national football team, none of us want to be here…”

“Oh God, here it comes again. Change the bloody record, Harding…”

“You’re just the mouthpiece of the regime, Mister Samson. You’re no better than that old fool up there.”

Sam rose to his feet, fists clenched. Okay, so this probably wasn’t the best way to deal with this, and he could feel Amy and George either side of him tugging insistently at his trousers now, but… What the hell? Might as well get this over with one way or anoth–

“Do be seated, Mister Samson. Our friend and colleague Mister Harding has words that must gush lest they erupt, I do think…”

“You still think you’re representing your nation, Sam? You haven’t got a fucking clue, mate. Not a clue. None of you has, or if you do you’re keeping your mouths shut. You want us to ‘honour the flag’ do you, Tommy? Tell us about the flag then, Thomas. Where did you dredge that up from?”

“I… It flies o’er Briskling Castle, child. Mayhap’st you do not remem–”

“I bet I remember better than you do, you old phoney. If it does, it’s one of about sixty. We don’t have a national flag. And if we do, it certainly ain’t that one! How did you put it together, eh? ‘Cause you certainly didn’t bring it all the way from Cove.”

“It… I recalled the design. Some of the design, yes, certain elements. Others… The word, ah… Improvisation, yes, indeed yes, was required to…”

“You made it,” Harding said flatly. “It’s put together from parts. Anyone can see that, you just raided other people’s SVGs, you little sneak. Bet you didn’t pay any attention to the creative commons license either, did you?”

Thomas stared back at his player blankly. Alongside side, Maxim Frunzorşa opened his mouth to speak, but the manager waved it shut testily. “We have heard quite enough from you this week, I do think! Yes, Mister Harding, my friends… The flag is not, wholly, in its entiritude, legitimate, but…”

“And why we’re playing in red and white, God knows. If we’ve got any national colours at all, it’s probably sky blue, or something. Orange, maybe, I dunno. Definitely not red and white.”

“I… I like red and white,” Thomas supplied as his only answer, his voice down to a husk.

“Oh, will you hark at her! ‘I like red and white’, bloody hell! You think you can base a country on what some daft old codger who probably hasn’t even been back home in a dog’s age likes?”

“A flag doesn’t make a country,” Sam snapped. “We’re still playing fo–”

“You. Don’t. Know. WHAT you’re playing for! You don’t know anything about it! I heard you an’ your bird talking the other day, you think it’s full of bloody elves!”

“That wasn’t… exactly what I said…”

“C’mon, admit it. You still reckon the only reason your parents never talked about it… about ‘home’… was that they were trying to protect you from forbidden knowledge? Typical self-absorbed Candelariasian thinking! They were trying to protect you! But it’s not full of elves, mate, it’s full of shite! We’re all here because it’s full of shite! Because all your parents and grandparents got the hell out while they still could! It’s a hole of a country! You’re born, and you toil, and then you die, and that’s if you’re lucky ‘cause most everyone else is just borned and, and dieded! And no-one’s watching us, don’t even think for a second they are, and no-one ever will, ‘cause they don’t have televisions, mate, and they don’t have radios, and they don’t have electricity!”

“Gosh, sounds so unlike your own, dear, Mytannion. Not exactly a place with much to recommend it either, is it? Shouldn’t you be in a bread queue about now?”

“Luv, it’s got hope. Might not have an awful lot else, but there’s this little think called ‘opportunity’. You get a chance in Mytannion. A chance for a better lot in life. Seunem, ‘your’ country, it hasn’t changed for half a fucking millennia! It doesn’t even have football, you know that, don’t know? Even if they did know we were here, even if they could watch, they wouldn’t care! We might as well be hare coursing or doin’ competitive face paints! That’s true, Tommy, isn’t it? I came, I came here I ‘cause I thought, stupid little sod that I am, that things might’ve changed, just a tad. Change of government or two, the old families dumped into the sea, uprising from Port Town, or something. A bit of the ol’ glasnost. Maybe, maybe even, a bit of football…

“But it hasn’t changed, has it? You’re conning us, Mister Thomas. This is just a vanity trip for you, isn’t it? Seunem doesn’t care about any of us! And it never will! And we shouldn’t care about it! You want to honour your fathers and your fathers’ fathers, Toot? And Amy, and the rest of you? Even you, Sammers? I’ll tell you how you honour ‘em. You leave this place, you pack up your bags, and you go home! ‘Cause your parents, or maybe their parents, d’you know what they did for you? They left. And never looked back. You think they’re proud to see you, really? In this stupid kit, singing that stupid excuse for an anthem, for a shithole of a country you know nothing about!?”

“S’nt evn aprpr anthm…?”

“Oh wake up, Georgey!” Juri sneered. “Listen to the man, he knows what he’s talking about. Should’ve listened to gran and Gheorg and the rest of ‘em… Knew this was going to be a waste of my time… ‘Childs a-born of Seunemi Sands’, yeah, right… We’ve even had to make up the fecking tune…”

Staring down at him, Thomas closed his eyes, cleared his throat once more, and began to sing. It wasn’t what you could call a pleasant voice, Sam thought. And there wasn’t a great grasp of melody there, but…

You couldn’t help but listen. He didn’t know his arse from his tactical elbow, this manager, that was for sure. And he couldn’t do inspirational speeches unless his charges were all drugged up to the eyeballs either. But he could do this. Even Harding seemed cowed, just for a little while.

And Thomas Merrytent and Paschal ploughed on, making verse five scan properly, and lending a certain dignity to the dirty twelfth, and right through to the end of verse fourteen, and then…

“‘Oh, lally-ah, bonny childs a-mine! Launchen ye to the bat-black lands! And clear dreams there of mariners thine! My childs a-born in SeunAAAAmi saaaandss…’”

Kyle Taubmann attempted to lead a chorus of clapping. There were few takers. “There, y’see? We weren’t too far off with the tune neither, was we?”

“It’s a lullaby,” Sten Smackfish and Stuffcoat, sitting across the room from Sam, muttered. “It’s a just a lullaby…”

“Did yer mum used t’sing that to you then, Tommy?” Harding asked, bite rapidly returning to his voice. “We don’t even have an anthem, we’ve got rock-a-by-baby! You still think you’re a national team?”

“He’s right, isn’t it?” said Costin Kennedy and Snade. “We might as well just get out of here. To hell with qualifying…”

“Trust a Virabi to lose interest before the job’s done!”

“Yeah, well I am a Virabi, alright!? I’m not a Seunemi, Sam! Neither are you, neither are any of us, apart from lullaby-boy up there! What did we actually think we were playing at?”

“Football,” Sam insisted desperately. “Look… We’re all here for different reasons. Even if you don’t think you’re a proper Seunemi, well… So what? You’re still getting more attention out here than anyone else from your clubs, aren’t you? Anyone else from your leagues, half of you! Myself very much included! Another two, or three, good performances, and with all the scouts watching here that could be your ticket to a professional club, or a better league, or anything! And don’t we have any professional pride already? Even you, Harding?”

“I’m a miner, not a footballer. That’s my profession in life, Samson…”

“It doesn’t have to be, not if you get enough time onfield to impress the scouts! And if nothing else, we’re supposed to be a team. Even if we’re just a collection of random players who happen to have the same dumb kind of surnames and grannies who were born in the same neck of the woods, well… That’s no worse than being on a club side, is it?”

“On a club soide yeh get paid,” Andrion Customers said.

“Not on an amateur one you don’t! And we’ve got more than one or two amateurs here, and I don’t think you’re no-marks, or, or, just making up the numbers! Juri, Viktor, Fresk, Roberto…”

“¿Sí?”

“You’re the ones we need most of all, now! You don’t play for money, you play to win! And you play because it’s fun, and are the rest of you just going to forget that, because these guys aren’t! They’ll play their hearts out just like they do every week! And alright, maybe… Look, I don’t know. I don’t know Seunem, I’ve never been. Maybe it’s really as bad as Harding says. But for God’s sake, guys, you don’t… you don’t love your mother because she’s the bestest mummy in the whole wide world, not if you’re over four! You love her ‘cause she’s yours…”

“But it isn’t your country!”

“And at worst we don’t care about them, anymore than they care about us, fine! But at best, well… Maybe this could change things. Win the Baptism of Fire, mates, and that could change anything. I know what football can do to a country. Actually… Pretty much all of you do. We’re lucky like that, compared to everyone else here in this tournament. We’ve seen it all before. Think was this might do to Seunem. Maybe not right now, maybe it’ll take ten years, or fifty, but… We could change history.”

“What does it matter? Most of you lot’ve got less Seunemi blood than kidney stones. Ezechias and the gaffer are obviously at least half abbo, and fuck know what Devero thinks he is…”

“And you think that matters, Harding?” Sam hissed. “I knew you were a bastard, but a bigot into the barg–”

“Oh, get over yourself. You’re the one who thinks blood matters! You’re the one who wants us to beat our chests and care for the future of a country most of you have never stepped foot in, just because your nanna happened to be from there!”

Sam slopped back down onto his seat, drained. He had nothing more to give. He wasn’t captain material. He never had been.

“Harding… If you want to go, go. Go because you’re scared of getting a kicking from a side that’s ten times better than us, and who have millions of people behind ‘em. Same with any of the rest of you. But as long as we have eleven men and women, even if they’re amateurs in the best sense of the word… I’m staying. Do the rest of you want to go home? Now? Three games from glory? Three games from changing your career path forever? Three games from the greatest sporting achievement of any of our lives? Three games from dragging the country we’ve wondered about all our lives that little bit further into whatever century you all think we’re in? Really?”

Two dozen players shuffled sheepishly, and found interesting spots on the wall to look at.

“I never wanted to go home anyway,” said Viktor Ribak, eventually. “The longer we can stay out here the better,” he added fervently.

“Anyone else…?”

“You all know we’re staying,” Harding sighed, “Do stop grandstanding. I just hope you know it’s going to be you who’ll have to pick these kids up after the ten-nil. And God help us come qualifying…”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Sooo…” said Tony Finnegan, after a little while longer. “Does anyone want to get to work on formations an’ tha’, or…?”

From the back of the room, the goalkeeping coach coughed. “Time enough for that, lad. So, um… Now we know the proper tune an’ all, and I’ve invested in a harmonica… Georgey-lad, if you’d care t’start us off?”

“Oh, da-aa-aa-aad…”

“Notinfrontoftheothers,lad,yourmother’llhavemegutsforhercurtains… Gowon, lad. He’s got a lovely singing voice, has our Georgey, have I said…?”

***

“Well, that was unexpected,” Sam said later.

“Aye. He could sing a universe into existence, that boy. And it would have one fundamental constant above all others… Beauty. In every atom. In every star.”

“Yeah…”

“Um. Why are we…?”

“Ruffling through the gaffer’s drawers, so to speak? Looking for this,” he said, sliding a sheet of paper across the table towards Amy. She picked it up and ran her eyes across it.

“The… fudge…!?”

“Yup.”

“Roberto, Sten, Viktor, Bogoslav, me, Saoirse, Ezechias, Harding, you, Freskin, Juri… We’re going to get absolutely screwed! It probably will be ten-nil!”

Sam shrugged. “We were likely as not going to get beaten either way, Ames…”

“What about all that shit you were babbling on about half an hour ago!? He’s playing me, for the love of Christ…”

“Shit was all it was. C’mon, you weren’t really buying all that, were you? They have a professional league, they’re still on Verbosita and lord knows what else, they have an entire, actual, real country behind them… At least you and the other amateurs’ll get something out of the experience. I don’t know why he’s still playing me, but I guess some poor sap has to have the armband…”

“And what’re we supposed to do? Just hit and hope, lump it up to the big man? Or the fat man, in this case.”

“Just… Try and pass it to me, give Vandenbergh a kick every time you see him, and, yeah… hope for the best.”

Amy aaargh’d in frustration. “Gods… Alright, fine. Fine. Well, it was kinda fun while it lasted. I’ll go and tell the rest of the suicide squad, shall I? Nice knowing you!”

The left-back made a wholly unsuccessful bid to throw the team sheet at him and flounced away, shutting the door behind her, opening it again, slamming it properly this time, and leaving her footsteps retreating in rattlings down the corridor.

Sam sighed, picking up the piece of paper and replacing it smartly back into Mister Thomas’ folder. And then he returned to his own, private, captain’s hotel room, and watched Kytlerian goals on YouTube for a while, and made a few notes.

***

“Thome? That you?”

“Yeah, Sam. Uhm… I saw Austin a minute ago, he said he wanted a word…? You know I’m not playing, don’t you? Amy said she’d seen the sheet and… Not that I’m not kinda pleased, ‘cause it’d be on Kytlerian telly, obviously, an–”

“Yeah, I know. Shut the door… Mr Dufu.”

[Nicole Scherzinger]

"Turn the bloody channel Isabella!" said Christiana Eberstark, as she was trying to snatch the remote from Isabella Salazar's hands. "No one wants to watch this stupid So You Think You Can Win Five Bucks show. They ask the stupidest questions!"

"No, no, no." said Isabella. "The $4.50 question is up next! Here watch this one and we can change it back to soccer."

She turns up the volume on the television so that the whole hotel room fills up with the sound of the show.

"Alright, welcome back to So You Think You Can Win Five Bucks. We're here with Melissa van Kelsi, who is just about to be asked her next question in her pursuit of FIVE BUCKS!"

The audience applauses, and the host continues.

"Here we go Melissa. I hope you watch some television yourself. Your next question is: The Nicole Scherzinger national team is competing in a tournament called the Baptism of Fire, which is being held abroad. So far, the team has done well. Which of the following teams has Nicole Scherzinger not beat?"

"OH MY GOSH!" shouted Christina. "Turn it up, turn it up!" she said as she ran outside the room to tell other people that there was a question being asked about them on So You Think You Can Win Five Bucks.

"Here are the four teams, Melissa. Which one is not a team that Nicole Scherzinger has beat? Is it A. Mangolana, B. Gyatso-kai, C. Tryienne, or D. Eggy216?"

"Oh gosh, that's a hard one." said Melissa. "I meant to watch some of the Baptism of Fire with my friends last night, but they cancelled due to partying it up too hard the previous day. Then my television caught on fire.."

"Thirty seconds Melissa," interrupted the host.

"Oh shoot. Well I know Tryienne and Gyatso-kai are good soccer teams. We probably played them. But Mangolana? That sounds like a nickname given to a mango. Or a type of lipstick. Uhh well I'm going with Eggy216. That doesn't sound like a nation. Yeah it doesn't. C. Final answer."

"Ohh. Sorry Melissa!" said the host. "It was Mangolana. So you'll walk away with nothing."

"WHAT!" screamed Melissa, fuming. "My television is kaputt, my friends abandoned me, and I need that money!" She proceeds to throw her chair at the host."

"My gosh, this is hilarious!" said Isabella, as she watched the show with many of her teammates who came in. They erupted in laughter after the host got hit by the chair.

"SECURITY!" called the host. "Ow..I can't feel my face. Someone get her down!"

"Alright, alright. Let's change the channel. I heard that soccer is just about to start." said Christiana. "I've had enough of this garbage. This is looking like a scene from the May Ohno show."

"You're such a kill-joy Christiana," said Olivia Ronan. "That was the best game show I've seen in years! Let's watch the next contestant."

A knock at the door came. It was Coach Stacey. She shook her head and sighed.

"Ladies. Seriously? We all know So You Think You Can Win Five Bucks is the dumbest show on the planet. How about you watch these tapes from the match of Mapletish versus Arcatea. Y'all do know that they are our next opponents, right?"

"Uhh..yes m'am, we do." said Olivia.

"Well here, take these tapes." said the coach. "I'll be back later to hear what your thoughts are."

"But we wanted to watch..." started Olivia.

"We'll watch them." interjected Christiana. "Our next game is less than twelve hours from now, and we need to focus."

Christiana inserts the DVD into the system, and presses a few buttons for it to start.

"This high-defintion stuff is great." said Christiana. "Hey, Isabella. Got any food around here? We could make this a movie night if you want. Watch some good soccer and eat some chips and salsa. Yum.."

"Christiana.." said Isabella. "You know we have a whole kitchen of food downstairs. You're now in charge of getting some!"

"Seriously? asked Christiana. "Oh well, free food is good. Be back in a minute."

Christiana leaves, and the whole team laughs as the door closes.

"O.k. guys. We'll fast-forward to the part where they actually score goals in this match. Y'all know what time that is? If Christiana comes back, we'll tell her that she must have been day dreaming if we got this far into watching the game. You know, say that you must have fallen asleep while making popcorn, and so the time flew by! She'll never know."

[Mapletish]

Preview On Nicole Scherzinger And Mapletish

After preparations that have been set up by Patterson over the semi final match against Nicole Scherzinger,our football analyist here will tell you more about the preapared Mapletish pratices.

Despite the special win over Arcatea in the Quarter FInals,Mapletish will look to centralise the attacking and midfield options as this will prove a threat to Nicole Scherzinger when they are on the move.

Mapletish will go on a passing spree to push Nicole Scherzinger out of the Mapletish's half.Nicole Scherzinger looks serious in most of the matches in the Baptism Of Fire and the match against Mapletish will not be an easy for Mapletish alone.John Davis,Steven Johnson,Alero Junio,Craig Thomas will all be the targets on fast counterattacking football and set pieces tricksters as claimed by Patterson during the press conference.

Mapletish's chances of going in to the regional finals might be also counted on by the keeper,Travis Hard.His ability might not be underestimated as his saves in his match against Arcatea earned praises by many.

The defence line will go on a tight postion to stop out all attacking options by Nicole Scherzinger to give Mapletish an advantage to concentrate more on support wing play that might prove efficent.Mapletish will look on going on a 3-5-2,a strong midfield and a mild average defence to provide sufficent wing support to give Mapletish's attack line a boost if needed.

---

Carried On from previous post by Mapletish.

[Qazox]

RP Cutoff is now.

Who will reach the Final Four in Mangolana?

[Qazox]

Winning teams are in BOLD

Mangolana Region--

Semifinal matchups
SF1- @ Citizens Payed Stadium, Herogeos #1 Nicole Scherzinger 0-1 #4 Mapletish
SF2- @ Republic Stadium, Skyline #2 The Golden Tamarind 1-0 #6 Miley World


Qazox Region--

Semifinal matchups
SF1- @ New Bruxen Hotel and Casino Field, New Bruxen #1 Euskirribakondara 4-4 #5 Megadia (5–4 AET)
SF2- @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg #2 The Kytler Peninsulae 1-1 #3 Seunem (1-2 AET)

BoF 44 FINAL FOUR @ Mascona Memorial Stadium, Mascona
FF Game 1-(Qazox final) #1 Euskirribakondara v. #3 Seunem
FF Game 2- (Mangolana final) #2 The Golden Tamarind v. #4 Mapletish

Winners of the FF games will face off in the 44th BoF Championship match; while the 2 losing teams will meet in the 3rd place match.
Both the 3rd place and Championship matches will be played at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City.

[Mapletish]

A win against Nicole Scherzinger books Mapletish a spot to the Final Four Match

Mapletish to face The Golden Tamarind

Citizens Payed Stadium,Herogeos-Nicole Scherzinger was set to kick off the match first under the cool evening atmosphere.Slow yet steady passes were played out in the field.Mapletish was ready to intercept the passes and pose a threat to Nicole Scherzinger as worked out by Patterson.Mapletish was awared a chance in the 2nd minute when Steven Johnson passes the bal on to Craig Thomas who immediately found Junio in the box and Junio failed to convert his chance.Junio was given a second chance in the 4th minute but his mistimed shot sees the ball go out of play,a wasted chance.Mapletish dragged on the play by passing the ball around to aviod getting the yellow card offence was time wasting.In this traditional pass-about that looks like a training session for the Mapletians gave Nicole Scherzinger's players a big headache.Glena Johnson got the ball last in the 10th minute and he did a long pass to the center as met by Alex Timi and he chested it down and pass the ball down to the right flank to Steven Johnson who used the ususal training techinque and darted his way to the opponet's half gave a neat pass to Craig Thomas who tries his luck through a long shot but it went out of target.Mapletish were rewarded with another chance in the 25th minute,with Junio on the target 19 meters away but he misses.Mapletish came in hard but swift on the defences to push Nicole Scherzinger hard on the back to score a goal to ease the pressure of their back,unfortunately they were unable to get a goal in the first half.

With the second half on,Mapletish were on high hopes to put themselves in the lead.In the 47th minute,the accurate passing of Mapletish's players see them reach their opponent's half and a mistimed shot by Craig Thomas meant nothing to Mapletish but Patterson looks calm at the sidelines.The expression on his face looked as if he expected that judging by the angle of the shot.Mapletish didn't seem to be out of energy after all the darting forward runs to the opponent's half and shooting on sight to give Nicole Scherzinger the pressure that will give them nightmares and sleepless nights for their players.In the 52nd minute,the non-stop passing got into the opponent's half giving Mapletish another chance to pile up the pressure but to no avail.But the goal came in the 75th minute when Junio got darting forward with the ball getting past with the stunned midfielders and defenders and finally firing in a shot 10 metres away from the keeper,giving him sweating palms everytime he get near him.Mapletish control the match well and gave him the well thoughtout pressure that might give him a heartattack.In the 87th minute,Mapletish was rewarded with the last chance,Glena Johnson was with the ball,he passed it long to the halfway line to Alex Timi who darted into the opponent's half,passed the ball on to Junio laying in front of the keeper and while he shoots,it was an offside which was an unexpected error for him.

The Press Conference

I think the lads did well and I am proud of them.I am not going to accept any mistakes from now on as we are off into the final fours which has given us the boost for our football already,although we need to improve on our passing and counterattacking to face The Golden Tamarind as they are known to play attractive football and we are considered underdogs for the match.A nice #1,#2,#3,#4 seeds final four match in the respective regional finals and finally the actual finals.We are not going to make mistakes here,if we do we are doom.

Manager Patterson Dellars,Mapletish Manager

---

Making the Save,Lev Yashrin
Behind every great team there's an amazing goalkeeper.Goalkeepers are known for being a little crazy at times,but in lots of ways they are the most improtant players on the playing field.An excellent goalkeeper can be the differnece between a winning,successful and a losing team.The importance of a reliable goalkeeper should never be underestimated.It's not just the ability to rescue a desperate situation with a spilt second of goalkeeping intellgence and brillance but also a goalkeeper who is clam,decisive,and clean in his kicking and handling,it brings the well needed confidence and security to the entire defence.In the mordern game,since the back-pass law was introduced,the goalkeeper has become the last outfield player as well as the last line of defence meaning that the variety of skills and training routines needed to produce and maintain such a crucial all round peformer is huge.The role of goalkeepers is the most specialized role on the field,which is why keeper need to train as much as,if not more than,other players.

Mapletish's legendary goalkeeper Lev Yashrin may not be the most flamboyant pf goalkeepers-you won't see him charging forward for last minute corners or trying to dribble the ball at the edge of his box-but that is exactly why defenders appreciate having him behind them.They know that when a cross comes into the box he'll deal with it;when he needs to come off his line to kick,he'll be there;and when the team is hanging on for a win in the final seconds of a mtach,he'll make gravity defying saves to earn his team the points.
Lev Yashrin started his senior career at Home United.He remained there throughout for the rest of his thick and long career.Throughout a long and successful career,Lev Yashrin achieved and set numerous records.In the 2008-2009 season,he set the Mapletish Premier Leauge record by not conceding a single goal for 1,312 minutes.Along with being the most capped play for the Mapletish National team with 256 caps,he is also the third oldest player to win the Premier League,at 45 years and 156 days old.Individually Lev Yashrin has won several honours,including Best URA Goalkeeper in 1994,2000,2005,2008 and 2010,URA Club Goalkeeper of The Year in 1996,2004 and 2009.

A single club career
Born in Waltionia,Heywood,Lev Yashrin initally began his career at hometown club,Heywood City but during his successful youth career with Heywood City,he was snatched away by Home United in 1981 when he was 16.His first match was against his old club,Heywood City almost 4 months from his transfer to Home United.He was named into the first team in the 25 men squad in the 1981/1982 season being the youngest keeper to achieve this feat at 16 years 200 days.In that season,he letted in 25 goals,but he notched up the most cleansheets in that season alone and a full season to remember.He scored for the first time in his career in also that season as he notched up the Mapletish's Super Leauge Best Goalkeeper of the year award.He saved an important penalty against Tamarind Triangles in that season Mapletish Super Liga League Cup and that was his season to remember.
Despite a successful first full season,he dropped down the pecking order in the 1982/1983 season as he met with the worst injury of his long career as he broke his leg and his calf's muscles pulled,but he made a recovery late in the 1982/1983 season in which he only appeared 10 times in the goal.
In the 1990/1991 season,Lev Yashrin at the age of 25 was at his peak of his career.He made 30 cleansheets in 38 matches.In that season alone,he was most notable to have scored in the second time in his career from a stunning goal kick.In the 1991/1992,Home United made a shift to the Old Football Division One which was renamed to The Mapletish Premier League as founding memebers of the original football league.

The Premier League Years
Lev Yashrin was constant in his 19 years in the Mapletish Premier League.Home United kicked off the first Premier Leauge Match with a 10-0 trashing of Transhire Rovers.Lev Yashrin made a penalty save in that match which was of the finest quality.Thomas Erikisson,one of the top penalty takers of Plastine lined up a shot at the top right hand corner of the goal but the 2.01 metre tall Yashrin tipped it away with his finger tips.He set off into the Premier League well having won all 19 editions with Home United in the Premier League Years with them before he retires.Following a few years later in Titas 1994 URA Tiger Cup,Lev Yashrin hit onto the field taking on his first yellow card of his career as tripped over Thomas Erikisson in the match against Plastine.He made a perfect 37 out of 38 clean sheet record in the 1999/2000 season.Much was anticipated for his 2002 URA Tiger Cup at the age of 37,his agility was still as good as before in which bookmarkers have doubt in.He reached his last peak form in 2008 when he was 43,in which he became an important member of the team when he was most notable as he kept the most clean sheets in the team's victory in the Premier Leauge,League Cup,FA Cup,Golden Cup,URA Champions League,URA Pan-Raian Cup.In which he maintained the same performance due the end of the 2010/2011 season.He played his last international match and his 256th cap against El Minas in the URA Tiger CUp 2010.He went on to play in his testimonial match against Heywood City,his boyhood club in which he scored a hattrick from 1 goal kick and 2 freekicks.He finished of his career with his last farewell to his club fans

---

[The Golden Tamarind]

Tamarindia 1-0 Miley World

The Great Yellow Curtain prevailed in Skyline last night as Tamarindia won it's place in the Baptism of Fire final knockout round, one step from the grand final itself in Qazox city. Its a remarkable achievement for the Tamarins and while the last round was all about the explosive attacking play that floored the Rouge Pioneers, this time Coach Sampaio opted for good hard work, creativity and the simple things done well. Inevitably the Miley scouts had done their homework on Tamarindia and opted for a diamond formation which countered the wide play nicely and with Fabrice Durand in front of a flat back four the Untamed Robots were in much better shape to make a mark on the game than the Pioneers had been. Otto Moscoso, captaining the defence, held his fullbacks in check more often and the cavalier overlapping of the previous day was replaced with a more cautious approach as Ruben Candal and Roman de la Cruz came infield more often searching for space denied them by the Miley fullbacks Garcia and Robinson. With both teams sensing an opportunity for a place in the final four may be just around the corner, there was a palpable sense of caution and the game started slowly – then slowed down. Catatonia and Rigour Mortis were in amongst the spectators having their merry way while out on the field of play tired legs from nearly a fortnight of intense running had slowed to almost a halt.

Miley's manager Paul Evans freshened things up a bit at half time with two substitutions, and the extra freshness brought out the fighting spirit in the Tamarins too, who began to exercise some control over the game, the Untamed Robots back line slowly dropping deeper, a sure sign that the pressure was beginning to tell. In the 71st minute the seemingly inevitable happened as the clever running of Hannibal and Sergio Basta unravelled the Robots defence, and with the centre halves at sixes and sevens chasing the runners, Masvidal dropped into the hole, Candal cut in from the left with the ball at his feet and found the striker with a precision daisy-cutter along the ground; Masvidal took a sublime touch to bring the rocket under control, and slammed home what would prove to be the winner. Keeper Jones could barely have seen it coming. The Tamarins pressed for a second as heads dropped among the Pink and Baby Blues, but it was not to be. One Masvidal moment of magic would suffice.

And so the Tamarins go to Mascona and the BoF semi-finals, where mighty Mapletish await them. There will be no love lost in this line-up when you look at the contrasting history of these nations, with the militant atheist Tamarindia founded by idealists and escaped slaves from the old colonial empires, while fervent Taolist religiosos Mapletish are on the Tamarindian Government's black-list register for continuing to deal in the modern slave trade. Of course the 'Tishues will deny this but the evidence is there for all to see. Beloved leader Doctor Jimmy Sunsine will be cheering on his boys in yellow, but don't expect a warm hand of friendship to be extended to notorious slaver Wiston Walash, despot of Mapletish. Political antithesis aside, this will be a tough game, with the godmodlike Alero Junio one to watch, having scored every goal for the 'Tishues so far. We need big performances from all areas of the field, and everyone will be looking to the spine of the team – Moscoso, Olavarria and Masvidal – to keep a level head, and command the Tamarins to a glorious night at the Mascona Memorial Stadium.

The nation will be glued to their television and radio sets tonight cheering on the free peoples against the 'Tishu slavers, but few will have made it out to Mangolana for the trip, with the nation generally feeling the big wide world is full of notorious backjumpers, cross-biters and thimble riggers, not to mention traffiquers and pie snammers, and therefore not worth bothering with. Comrade-President Sunshine is one of only a handful of Tamarin supporters come out to Mangolana, those others having earned a modicum of fame for their efforts, and some more than others.

#67. Francisco Vasquez García
Bastardos de Almeria

Perhaps in this big wide world they haven't heard of our most famous poet, novelist, rabble-rouser, musician, adventurer, drunk and champion liar, Francisco Vasquez García, who travels all over the world collecting stories and songs, and watching his beloved game of football. Usually, aboard the Grinnish tall ship, Sceálta Explorer: where García mixes it with the hardy sailors of the emerald isle of Scealta Grinn, great friends and allies of Tamarindia. Born and raised of Grinnish migrants, he grew up in the Almeria district of the capital Misión and though a great admirer of football, and having the choice of several top teams to support nearby including the mighty Sparta, beloved of most artists, he has chosen to keep his loyalties with the small city league team with whom he played as a youth – Bastardos de Almeria - way back before the novels, the fame, the drinking, and the songs; but concurrent with the fighting, kicking and swearing. Allegedly quite a good midfield dynamo in his youth, as well as a temperamental creative both on and off the pitch, García was destined not to make it as a footballer in part because of his indiscipline, and mostly because of, well his indiscipline. The life of a roving, fighting, singing, writing artist was much more suited to the troubled teenager than the strictures of the health and fitness regimes, tactical meetings and sporting play of the professional footballer.

The Four-Time Lying Champion (Banned)

It is hard to know what to write about García without this article turning into a novel of epic Suenemi proportion, such are the talents, accomplishments, notorieties, rumours and outright myths of the great man, a hero of the Tamarindo who would perhaps one day be successor-in-waiting to our beloved Comrade-President, if he could only sober up long enough and stop his damned lying for a minute or two. Across our great country and throughout much of the Spanish Ocean region, García's novels are amongst the most read and most loved. Any man woman or child with just the slightest literary pretension will easily quote entire passages from his greatest work, Twenty Eight Penguins of Paris. Or indeed from a corpus of eight novels in the Tamarindo Shambolic tradition, three books of commentary, three of short stories, and two autobiographies that entirely contradict one another. But it is not just his writing of prose of course, for the man is a poetic giant, a songwriter who embodies the spirit of the Tamarindo. And a man who can sing with the voice of a drunken angel, though we of course do not believe in such things.

A nation descended from scoundrels, pirates and idealists, we in the land of the golden monkey embrace and venerate the art of lying, and every year, in the far northern mountain town of Timador, thousands flock to the annual Festival of Liars, Fiesta de los Mentirosos, where the greatest liars of the day come to do battle armed only with the word, the idea, the narrative, and the poker face. Comrade-President Sunshine himself was a one-time champion. It is a testament to his art that Francisco Vasquez García won the competition four times in succession and had to be banned from taking part for fear that no-one could match him. Indeed, he was banned after the first three competitions, and came back for his fourth in such cunning disguise that not a single man woman or child there recognised him, and his lies were so good that the Lying Committee agreed not to take his win away when they found out it was him. In the fifth year, despite the lifetime ban, he came back as himself, with no disguise, and attempted to pass himself off as a lookalike. He got to the semifinal before Comrade-President Sunshine, who always attends the Festival, appealed for him to stand down if he really was García. Even he could not deny the beloved leader.

To add to the confusion, however, García has since denied it was him, and that a lookalike really did enter, and that he – García – was away on The Explorer at the time.

And he has since denied this too, so that now, no-one knows the truth of it, except García himself. And as the greatest liar of the Tamarindo, we will never know the truth, even if he tells us.

#72. Keston Demmin and his good friend Alexi of Ateo
Boca de Pozo & Arsenál Ateo respectively

We could not speak of famous supporters without mentioning Keston Demmin and his friend Alexi of Ateo, the superfans who go wherever the Tamarins go. Although they are often late, often in trouble, and sometimes in the wrong country altogether. Like the time when, after the Amateurs Cup in Johz, they “turned left out of Johz instead of right” on their way to Mangolana for the Beach Cup, and ended up in civil war-torn Darmen, unknowingly running drugs for the Darmenicanian rebel militia. When they made the accidental discovery that the little Holy Pupa statues were full of a highly illegal-looking white powder – Alexi, who is notoriously clumsy, dropped one in a hotel room at the border of the demilitarised zone – they abandoned the statues and made a run for it. Across Rushmore and the Atlantean Oceanic regions they have been pursued by a vengeful Darmenicanian militiaman, known only as Bosch, and their exploits, reported in Keston's blog, Monkey Business, are so famous across Tamarindia that Francisco Vasquez García made a song about them at the recent Draggonnii Inviyatti.

Fiesta y Feria
F.Vasquez García

It seems like forever ago when we packed up our things and sailed off for Johz, a little country in the back of beyond. We've been chased through Darmen, we've been all across Rushmore, we've been down to the purple Starblaydia; and now here we are in a country so far, called Andossa Se Mitrin Vega! Alexi and me are at the Draggonii Inviyatti, staying down by the docks in Millsport - we've got a little room in a house with a view, and the landlady gives comfort, of sorts. There is an old bar nearby with a dingy little snug, they call it the Almeria: and who should we meet there but the poet and drunk, Francisco Vasquez García!

[Mapletish]

Responses to The Golden Tamarind's media report
Extracted from the president's letter to The President of The Golden Tamarind

I think that you are misunderstood about the subject on slave trading.Under the Mapletish Consituition,the country is not allowed to trade slaves and stuff related to it.The recent buying of slaves is to buy the freedom for those slaves and to give them Mapletish citizenship and to be free man and women,and if you think that it will not be a match full of friendship and respect then you are wrong,you would be able to experience the warm and respect from the players in the match,even if your country's players rescues to shake hands before the match,our players would still respect them.If you were to visit Mapletish,you will get to feel the warm and the hospitality of Mapletians.

Extracted from The Onimana Spree

The people from The Golden Tamarind did not know us well enough to think that they make such comments.Mapletians are not what these people thought us to be,we always put respect and friendship at top priority during sports events.

Preview Against The Golden Tamarind
Despite the ourrence in media,Mapletish will look to break into the defenses of The Golden Tamarind through traditional passing and counterattacking of the Mapletish football.
To be continued

[Miley World]

Miley World Daily Mail

Miley World lost again against The Golden Tamarind

Well tonight's game ended again by a score of 1-0 but in favor of Miley World's opponent this time. The only goal of the game came at the 71st minute when Masvidal scored. It's the 2nd tie The Golden Tamarind beats Miley World in the BoF.

Boxscore:
71' Masvidal assisted by Ruben Candal (Golden Tamarind)

Yellow Cards:
34' Zezinho

We interviewed Miley World's captain, Connor Downing after the game:

"Well we're sad because we couldn't go further in the BoF but it was a pretty good tournament for us, when the BoF started nobody knew about the Miley World Untamed Robots, but now our opponents will know that we can compete. Also, I would like to thank Qazox and Mangolana for hosting this tournament, and I would like to say good luck to the remaining teams."

[Seunem]

“Lads! Ladsladsladsladslads, c’mon, gather round!”

“Mister Kyle, I fear indeed that we may not claim ownership of considerable riches of time at this moment, hm…”

“Tubbers, he’s going t’kick off in twenty seconds!”

“I know, I know, but this can’t… Look, seriously, what was all that about, eh? With the touching and the doing? All running your hands across your body and that? People’re watching!”

“I know, sir, sorry sir! I’d been watching too much of the anthems from over in Mangolana, I think! We’ve really got to go, Mr Taubmann!”

“Aye, aye, alright… At least we’ve got the tune right now. And Viktor?”

“Yes, Tubbs?”

“Nice work on the single solitary tear. Verr’ moving.”

“Thankyou,sir!”

“Alright. Give ‘em hell! Remember lad, they’re going t’be frustrated and’ll start hitting it long before too long, so you’re going t’have t’jump with yer man Upson all day long! And do that, alright, don’t get involved with it on the floor! The floor does not exist to you! You are a being of pure floaty, alright? You waft. ‘Cause he’ll skin you a new rug if you try and play actual football with ‘im, but even an amateur can compete in the air… Alright!?”

“YES, sir! Gotta go now, sir!”

“Alright… And Harding, you hearing me over there? If that pretty boy Hassani’s all in one piece an hour from now you ain’t done yer job even half properly! AMY! Kick the bastard, arright! Right ankle! He’s a long way from fully fit yet. Keep running at him an’ all, ‘cause he’ll run out of puff, and if he can’t get all snuggly with his mate Snyder he’ll start running about even more! ¡Roberto! Magenta an ojo hassy fer a… para… large… largos tirris… Keep… Ohwhatever… ¿¡DON’T LET THE BALL INTO THE BACK OF YER NET, ALRIGHT!?”

“Tubbers, they’ve been playing for two minutes…”

“I know, lad, I know… Christ almighty. Poor little lambs’re going t’get absolutely mullered, ain’t they?

***

“Blpmbt?”

“Oh. You’re not dead, then? Some of the boys were taking bets.”

“Bfmmff?”

“I thought maybe a persistent vegetative state… Do keep your lethargic gruntings down, will you? Most everyone else is trying to sleep.”

Oh, thank heavens. I had a proper late Friday night, let me tell you, I’m in no position to juggle all that dialogue and ghastly accents.

“Oh, get a blog. I’ve never known narrators to be this needy. Sam, are you awake, or have you just had a stroke? Only, Austin had you down for stroke, and I’m buggered if I’m paying out unless I’m completely sure. This last month has left me out of pocket enough as it is.”

“I.”

“Good, good start. You’ve established that you have an independent existence, anyway. A sense of self. Tha–”

“I’m on a plane. Almost certainly with an Amy.”

“Hewwo. No suicidal pilot today, I’m afraid. A pity, I rather miss him. Quaver?”

“Salt and vinegar?”

“Prawn cocktail.”

“You, Amy Yvette Goscard-Magdalen, are no friend of mine.”

“‘Yvette’?”

“You look like an Yvette. There’s an essential yvettitude about you, I thought that as soon as we first met. Urrrgh.”

The woman seated to his left emitted her short krabappellian laugh. “You’re not a twenty-eighth as good a flyer as you are a striker, I’ll give you that…”

“Given that I’m far too out of my tree to work out if that’s a compliment or not, I’ll… Actually, maybe I will have that quaver…”

“Too late. Crippies awwl goned. I’ve got Wotsits in m’bag, though…”

“Gosh, you come prepared, don’t you? Now I understand the adolescent weight diaries. On a mildly related note, did I ever properly apologise for failing to remember your backside all those years ago?”

“It’s fine. Totally over it, not even a little bit bitter.”

“I’ll definitely remember little Danny Ortega’s, though…”

“He’ll forever recognise his own arse, I should think, after you handed it to him for a hundred and twenty minutes!”

“Yeah… I did alright yesterday, didn’t I?”

“You did very well, yes. Gowon, have a Wotsit and shut up.”

“Not that the rest of you didn’t do very well as well. Verrry well. Urgh, I have a headache.”

“Go back to sleep, Sam. I’ll wake you where we start ploughing into the wind turbines.”

“But… I’m too exited to sleep!”

“Mm,” said Amy, vaguely.

“What?”

“Nothing… We really were very good, weren’t we?” she added, beaming a genuine smile from tragus to tragus. “You wouldn’t know, obviously, on account of not knowing me from Adam until a fortnight ago, but I don’t think I’ve ever played that well. Never ever ever. And against three right midfielders as well! Even if one was out of position, but still… Granted, Thome really helped a lot, especially when Abramovicz came on, and he started shouting at him from the sidelines and trying to engage him in debate over the role of state intervention in the praxeologyist view of the essential bankruptcy of socialistic paths towards economic expansion or… something, that proper put him off, but they wouldn’t’ve moved him back inside if I hadn’t’ve given him the run-around for those ten minutes, didn’t we retain possession really well, by the way, genuinely dictated things throughout, I thought, wouldn’t want to play Nargle Fargle, whatever his name was, again in a hurry, but don’t suppose I’ll have to, so… it’s that school captain thing, that’s his problem, but once he gets that out of his system he’ll be a proper player that boy, of course it wasn’t just down to all of us, I mean your excellent verbiage before the match properly set everyone off, all that stuff about the Candelarias tearing itself apart after Beatrice and that, and how it should’ve brought everyone together, I mean it was just rehashed rubbish from an old Van Dijk speech, obviously, I voted for her, did you vote for her?, I voted for her, but it was really effective, and then George cried a bit, but that’s just George, but I think everyone was quite moved actually, and even their equaliser couldn’t be helped, not really, although I don’t suppose Roberto’ll keep his place, although he probably deserved it, doesn’t say much that lad but he just gives you a sense of, of, of… thing, you know?, and didn’t really make a mistake at all, well except for when his positioning went a bit awry and Crawley should probably have put it away, didn’t you think, early in the second half wasn’t it?, but he doesn’t have your composure in front of goal, deary me, no, do you think he’ll change the starting eleven much, Mister Thomas I mean, ‘cause I know he only really picked us amateurs and no-marks to prove a point, and Viktor’ll be suspended now and Ezechias picked up a bit of a knock, he’s come up all purple down there, poor thing, should be fit for the final though, if we make the final, of course, but we could make the final now, definitely, because that country I can’t pronounce, they’re not really all that good, and neither are we, granted, and the Tamarindians are so going to win the tournament actually, it’s not even funny, ‘cause they got through, did you hear?, only just, mind, against, I forget, Pixielottopia, whatever it was, and they’ve got Mapletish now, who are so going to win the third-place play-off it’s not even funny, and they won’t have had to do all this travelling we’ve had to do, what berk came up with that fixture list, by the way, but at least we’re playing in our own back yard now, or at least like our own municipal sports facilities or something, and have you seen their squad, by the way, they’ve got more exes than you have, ha!, and they’re deffo the worst of the four, can you imagine us saying that a week or three ago, I don’t know where we’ve got this confidence from, although they did beat Megadia, they’re not bad at all, they’ve got this striker, Austin Freshwater-Blake, who totally sounds like he’s actually one of us, which he could be, ‘cause Megadia are in Rushmore, did you know?, I didn’t know, although actually I think he’s probably the son of the Prime Minister or something, amazing how often that happens, isn’t it?, although wouldn’t he be Blake-Freshwater instead, maybe that’s the way round they have their names, or maybe he’s actually a girl, would that work?, and anyway we can’t keep the same team, realistically, because how can the amateurs possibly play two matches in the space of four days, I mean that’s asking way too much, and aitch… tee… bee!, I just remembered when you dropped your shoulder and powered past dum-dum Duggan, that was so impressive I could’ve applauded, I’ve never really seen anyone… Sam?”

“‘s?”

“Can you pass me my Wotsits back?”

“Yes. Yes, I can.”

Sam sat and stared out of the window for a while. Amy sat and polished off her cheese-coated puffed corn lumps, and then licked her fingers thoughtfully.

“I don’t know about you,” she said slowly after several further minutes, “But I feel odder now that I’m off all that stuff Mister Thomas was sticking into us than I did then… You did have Words, didn’t you?”

“Yes… Of course we did. And we haven’t been having any more jabs, have we?”

“Not… Not that I’ve noticed.”

“Well, there we are then. Didn’t this used to be Euroslavia down there?”

“No.”

“Okay. Fair enough. Soo… You read your Tourist Guide to Mangolana, didn’t you, the, uhm, first time we accidentally came here? What can we expect from Mascona?”

“You’re almost certainly going to get mowed down by a taxi, but it’s okay because they’ll be very nice about it afterwards,” Amy said hollowly. “Sam, are you sure w–”

“Alright, alright, just… Keep your voice down, we don’t want to wake up everyone else, do we?”

“No… No, we don’t.”

No. We don’t. Ugh, dialects.

“Thing is, Ames… We were going to lose. More to the point, you were going to lose, all of you, I mean. Heavily. You were right, y’know? I don’t know what Mister Thomas thought he was playing at, but realistically even the proper first team were going to get squished like bugs. The Kytlerians are good… And, I, y’know… I’m the captain. That means something, I have a certain responsibility, and… I was just watching some YouTubes and things, y’know, things from the Kytlerian league and that, and… I had a thought. A tip-off, actually, kind of, and… Well…”

“‘Well’?”

Sam swallowed. “Well… Thome Devero is actually a Rushmori aboriginal called Tuu Dufu with a history of narcotics trafficking, and he has friends who know… people… and, having known this, and I think, you know, he’s a little worried that the rest of the squad might find out… about the not-being-actually-properly-Seunemi bit, I mean… it was quite easy for me to convince him to, y’know, help us out… a tad… and. You know. Even things up a bit. With some stuff. In your Robinson’s barley water, actually. And it, y’know. It worked. Not entirely sure whaa… ah… Perfectly safe, though, he was quite clear about that. Perfectly safe, perfectly legal, just a tad… Cheaty. But hey, it’s not like that’s not how we got through the group stage, is it? I mean, Mister Thomas had a point, really. And everyone else could do it, if they wanted to. So… Yeah. Worked. You may feel the odd after-effect for a bit, Thome… uh… Tuu, said. Harmless, though. And look, I know… I mean, you wouldn’t’ve been able to win without putting all that effort in, it’s not as though a bunch of drugged-up penguins could’ve won, or anything, it just… Gave you a bit of an extra edge. Don’t suppose you’ve got another pack of Wotsits, have you? Amy, is there any fear of you saying something, at all?”

The left-back yawned, stretched, turned to her side away from the striker, and nestled back into her seat.

“Okay. Well. I’ll just…”

“Go to sleep, Sam.”

“Alright. Um. But look, I jus–”

“Go to sleep. Sam. Quickly. It’s in both our interests, I’ve never killed a sleeping man.”

“I find that very hard to be–”

“Go. To. Sleep.”

“I… Yeah. Yeah. Yeah…”

[Qazox]

All four teams left will be heading to Qazox City for their next game; but which two will be CUTOFF from winning the 44th Baptism of Fire title? Scores up very shortly.

[Qazox]

BoF 44 FINAL FOUR @ Mascona Memorial Stadium, Mascona, Mangolana
FF Game 1-(Qazox final) #1 Euskirribakondara 1-2 #3 Seunem
FF Game 2- (Mangolana final) #2 The Golden Tamarind 2–2 #4 Mapletish (2–2 AET) (4–2 pen.)

BoF 44 Third place match @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City, Qazox (scorinated tomorrow at 12:00pm EDT)
(6-0-2) Mapletish vs. (6-1-1) Euskirribakondara

BoF 44 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City, Qazox (scorinated tomorrow at 10:00pm EDT)
(6-2-0) Seunem vs. (8-1-0) The Golden Tamarind

[Mapletish]

Mapletish off the Mark after Impressive BoF Run

Mapletish lost to the Golden Tamarind on penalties which ended 4-2.Mapletish would be well satisfied with a Third place match after an impressive run in the BoF44,defeating foes Arcatea twice along the way.The Golden Tamarind broke through the defence of Mapletish without using much effort and they opened the scoring in the 10th minute with an impressive free-kick.Another goal in the 15th minute gave The Golden Tamarind a comfortable lead up at 2-0.Travis Hard fell to his knees when he heard the halftime whistle after constantly saving off the shots fired at different angles.Mapletish looked to be out of energy fast fuelled out in the game.

Mapletish kicked off the second half with a different tempo,Junio fired in 2 goals that helped Mapletish equalised in the second half.Junio's goal in the 56th minute was impressive,Alex Timi was held on with the ball when he decides to pass to Steven Johnson,with no choice due to the relatively pressuring defence,he cross the ball over to Junio who tries his luck using his left foot and scores with it.A freekick was awarded in the 65th minute when one of The Golden Tamarind defenders tripped over Craig Thomas just outside the penalty box.Junio stepped up to take the freekick and the only found equaliser.Junio might have gave Mapletish a comfortable 3-2 lead but he was ruled offside in the 75th minute.Mapletish was anxious to get a goal in to give on a comfortable lead,but to no avail as a second attempt by Junio in the 86th minute was again ruled offisde.

A disappointing extra time performance and a devasting penalty shootout pushed Mapletish to the end of their game,and off to the much anticipated Third Place match where they face Euskirribakondara.A well looked upon match.

The Press Conference

I am glad that we lose this,as everyone has hope it to be.Mapletish is well known as the underdogs in the final four,look at Euskirribakondara and The Golden Tamarind and you will know where we are short at.There is still lots to improve on and I am still on the descision whether to take over The Republic Cup that will be starting on Tuesday.Whether or not,I am still very happy with the performance,great counterattacking and the pushing tempo.The third place match will have a strong impact for us,if we make a mistake there,we are doomed.Our opponents are more well known on conrolling the game bit by bit.I wish The Golden Tamarind all the best as they are by rights currently,the strongest in terms of form,look at their records,8 wins and 1 draw.We are nothing as compared to them.Well,I am not disappointed but other in a way,I am glad that the pressure is off.

Manager Patterson

---

The Duper Sub,Andre Leon
Every team has a super sub,someone who scores that well needed goal to earn that team a full three points or to score that equaliser that will give the team an important one point that will make the game.Today we look at Andre Leon before the third place match against Euskirribakondara.When Andre Leon lacks strength and stamina, he more than makes up for with his dribbling ability.By being able to keep the ball under control at his feet while running at speed constantly changing speed and direction,feinting and dummying defenders with subtle movements of his legs and upper body,he is able to make breathtaking surges up the field.Sometimes this skill enables him to beat threee or four opposing players at a time,taking them out of the game in a spilt second and suddenly creating an attacking opportunity from nowhere.
Well,although he has the small sized ability to dribble rounds,he is considered not to be not as prefect as he lacks the stamina that will bring him down as memtioned by Sir Strellas Billy.

He was the son of an engineer,was born in Indoas in the East End of Struggait and was brough up in Nelton in the north of Struggait.He moved to the docklands of Dover,near Heywood,home of Heywood Sports Club,when he was 15,and he gre up supporting Heywood.Leon attended Poinas Udra Primary School in Nelton and started out as a goalkeeper.He then attended Heywood Sports Central High School where he won the inter-schools five-a-side and the inter-year five-a-side competitions.He won the Heywood National Games playing for Heywood Sports Central and was then selected for Mapletish team that went undefeated in the URA Tiger VIctory Shield tournament.In 1966,Leon had unsuccessful trails at Home United and Golden Phoniex.
Heywood
Leon signed a provisional contract with Heywood in May 1967.Heywood manager Denny Stein sent Dalton Fallon to see Leon and his parents at their home;upon hearing that Fallon was at the door,Leon rushed down to the living room.In his first season,Leon was loaned out to West Victorian United for whom he scored 45 goals.During this time he also worked as an apprentice joiner.By the following year,Leon was a full professional and a regular member of the Heywood reserve team that became known as the Daltion Ties due to its having only a few number of future Maplish internationals,including David Iras,Steven Yrain and Andre Leon himself.Leon made his first team competitive debut for Heywood as a substitute in the 1968 Mapletish League Cup quarter final tie against Home United.Leon was in the stands when the Heywood disater occured at the North East rival match in March 1971 when 1176 Phoniex fans were injured.By the 1971-1972 season,Leon had become established in the Heywood first team.He scored his first competitive goal for the club,a free kick,in a 1-8 Mapletish FA Cup defeat to mighty Home United at Heywood Park in August 1971,and that season went on to score 23 league and cup goals in 49 appearances where he started 30 of those as a subsitute.The following season Leon was Heywood's leading scorer,with 41 goals in all competitions.He was made the first Heywood captain that started from the bench in the 1975-1976 season,during which Heywood failed to win a trophy for the first time in 12 years after tein was badly injured in a plane crash and missed out most of the season.On 17 August 1977,after making 320 appearances and scoring 180 goals for Heywood,in which 145 were subsitute appearances,Leon was signed by then HOme United caretaker manager Sir Strellas Billy who took over the club in 1980 for a transfer fee of $450,000.Leon's departure was unpopular with Heywood fans,and when he returned in August 1978 to play in Stein's testimonial,he was booed by a a large contingent of Heywood supporters.
Home United
Leon was signed to replaced Yushir Ion and Home United supporters were initally skeptical that he could perform this task.However,Leon quickly settled into his new club.He made his debut wearing Yushir Ion's famous number nine shirt,on 12 August 1977 in the season opener at Rosfield,in the Community Shield against Moonchester United.He scored his first goal for Home United in his Super League debut a week later on 19 August in a 10-0 hammaring of West Struggaiters,and he scored Home United's second goal in the 5-0 victory over Intra United for the 1977 Mapletish Super League Cup final.By the end of his first season with Home United,Leon played 60 times and scored 20 goals,including the winning goal in the 1978 URA Champions League Final at Nationazle Stadion against Golden Phoniex.
In his second season Leon recorded a personal best of 21 league goals for the club and he was named The Struggiat Writers Footballer of The year.He did not miss a league game for Home United until the 1980-1981 season when he appeared in 34 out of 42 league games and scored only 10 goals as Home United take home the Super League,URA Champions League,Mapletish League Cup and Mapletish FA Cup.He recovered his goal-scoring form the following season,and he was an ever present player in the league once again starting only 5 matches from the bench as he scored 15 league goals as Home Unied retained the title.From 1983 Leon became less proflific as a goalscorer,although he remained a regular player,his chief role was in providing assists to the young and upcoming Francis Lee.
Leon went on to play 21 Super League games in 1985-1986 as Home United brought home their regular throphies run and he scored his only goal of that season in a FA Cup victory over arch rivals Golden Phoniex.On the final day of the season,his goal in a 1-0 away win over gave Home United another title.Leon had a personally better campaign in the 1986-1987 season,scoring 18 goals in 18 league appearances as injuries pulled him out and he requested Sir Strellas Billy to give younger players priority for a first team place.Francis Lee continued to impress goalscoring records and Leon almost went out of the team in 1987 but he formed a partnership with him again but for the 1987-1988 season he played only twice in the league campaign which saw Home United go on to win the Super League.Leon made 15 appearances in Home Unied's 1988-1989 campaign and he made his final league appearance on 5 May 1990 as a subsitiute against Heywood City.At 39,his form was not as good as before but his final goal came in the 7-0 trashing on Newcastle United on 18 April 1987.
Mapletish
Jackson Tommy gave Leon his debut for the Mapletish national side as a substitute in the 1-0 URA'72 qualifier victory over El Minas on 10 November 1972 at Pitt Lane.He scored his first goal for Mapletish a year later on 15 November 1972 in the 2-0 URA Founder's Cup over Termany.In 1976,Leon scored the winning goal for Mapletish at Rosfield against Platine.A year later Leon scored against the same opponents and goalkeeper at King's Stadium in another 2-1 win.
Leon's goal came in the famous 3-2 win over El Minas in the URA Cup.Leon failed to score a goal until 12 November 1986 almost 9 years later at Rosfield in a URA 88 qualifying game against Jh Mapletish which Mapletish won 3-0.Leon's final international goal was on 14 November 1988 in a 3-1 win over Termany in a friendly also at Rosfield.

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[The Golden Tamarind]

Mapletish 2-2 Tamarindia
(aet; 2-4 pens)

An absolute thriller at the Mascona Memorial last night in Mangolana was a treat for the neutral spectator, as the Tamarins emerged victorious in an edgy encounter. For the Tamarindo and 'Tishu supporters, with the game on a knife-edge for 120 minutes, it was a tough night of roller-coaster emotions and see-sawing fortunes, and to complete the fairground analogy, it was the boys in yellow riding the Waltzer all the way to the final in Qazox City, while the whites of Mapletish run off to lose their lunch, sickened by being spun out of contention in the penalty shoot-out. It all seemed so easy for Tamarindia in the opening half, the early pressure leading to a freekick on the edge of the area which Masvidal dispatched with ease. 'Tishu keeper Travis Hard had a slow start to the game which looked to prove costly for the slavers, getting nowhere near Masvidal's free kick, then mishandling a shot from Bernardo Olavarria straight into the path of Sergio Basta who's toe-poke hit the post and went out for a goalkick. A poor kick from Hard lead to more pressure, and from a resulting corner, Hard dropped his catch at Basta's feet and the striker wasn't going to decline a second invitation, putting the Tamarins two up in the first fifteen minutes. Mapletish looked to have wilted under the pressure, and for the rest of the half the Tamarins were knocking on the door, but keeper Hard rallied to make some key saves that ensured his team went in at the break with at least a modicum of hope.

In the second half it was that man Alero Junio, who almost singlehandedly had brought Mapletish to the semi-finals, this time singlehandedly almost rescuing the tie with two second half goals. The man is something of an enigma, however, as for yet another game he spent most of his time roaming in an offside position, and looked altogether confused by the offside rule, poking home two disallowed goals to bring his average up to over a goal per game disallowed. He was booked for the second for playing on after the whistle, claiming not to have heard it: Manager Patterson will need to explain the offside rule to him, and get his hearing tested. Or perhaps not – after all, he scores every single goal for Mapletish: perhaps it's a plan to confuse defences. The Great Yellow Curtain of the Tamarindian defence, stunned into losing a comfortable lead, shut up shop in the closing stages of the game and saw out a tense period of extra time, with penalties looming. Neither side managed to break the deadlock and the game went to a shoot out comfortably won by the team who looked like they had been practising for just such an eventuality. Heartbreak for the 'Tishues in the end who had a good tournament, but try as they might, couldn't adequately mimic the hard work of the Tamarins. Coach Sampaio and his boys proudly march forward to the final of the Baptism of Fire 44.

And there, though the Seunemis might deny it, to meet the clear tournament favourites, the defensively-minded Prancing Cart Horses. It was clear from the start, even from before the announcement of their squad, that here was the descendant of a powerhouse nation and one ready to make up for lost time in the wilderness. Careful mindgaming tactics included a whole PR campaign underplaying their capabilities, but no-one is really surprised to see them come into this final with the first of what is likely to be many trophies on their shopping list. Expect a cagey game with both teams relying on a strong defensive performance, and Tamarins' man of the tournament Otto Moscoso, leader of the defence, will have his work cut out marshalling the team against another enigmatic striker, but this one a player who knows his offside from his onside, Samson.

While the Albecht Turkish striker has commanded a huge amount of media coverage this tournament – pages and pages – the Tamarindian legend-in-his-own-90 minutes Masvidal has hit the headlines back home and broken 33 million hearts by announcing his has signed a three-season pre-contract agreement with Erathori contenders Charzzan. No surprises there – a commanding Baptism of Fire trip was always likely to end with an adventure abroad for the nation's favourite.

#10. Masvidal
Sparta Misión

It has been a quick rise to the top of Tamarindian football for the gifted young man from Tito, the fishing port to the south of the capital, Misión. Or so it would seem to an outside observer. In fact, at twenty-three, he has already been on Sparta's books for ten years, signing junior terms as an outstanding prospect for the best team in the country. At fifteen he made his full debut for Sparta's feeder club Deportivo Misión in Liga Regional, and spent three seasons with them before moving seamlessly into Sparta's first team at 18, where he has been the first name on the team sheet ever since. In the last two seasons he has struck up a devastating partnership with refugee immigrant Nkuru Tiba, the delicate ball skills and gazelle-like running from Tiba a perfect balance to the physically intimidating work-ethic of Masvidal, the warhorse, who really does celebrate scoring by punching team-mates on the upper arm. Really hard. Tiba usually runs away from him during goal celebrations. But it is not just about powerplay, with Masvidal the possessor of a deceptively delicate touch on the ball, and a great ability to read the game. He is a professor who can pack a punch. And often does.

Masvidal has piled up an impressive CV already. Despite missing the nation's first ever international games after being detained in immigration in Johz, he scored the first international goal for Tamarindia on home soil. He was the Primera Liga 1 Player of the Season and Golden Boot winner with 24 goals. Last season he won a champions medal and the Golden Boot again (21 goals), and his impressive medal collection includes as World Indoor Soccer Champions medal - as captain, as well as runners-up medals in the Vegan Draggonnii Inviyatti, the Primera Liga 1, and the domestic Copa del Sol 2. Another medal is in the post – of the Baptism of Fire variety – but not until tonight will we know what it will be cast with – the winner's jubilant gold or the nearly-but-not-quite shade of heartbreak silver.

Dwayne

Although the author of this article will face bruising repercussions for mentioning it, and you the reader should spare a thought for me the next time I am assigned to interview our nation's footballing icon, the facts must be placed in plain sight. Masvidal did used to have a given name. And that name was Dwayne, as the team sheets at Deportivo early in his career will attest to. While the world has known only Masvidal, in Tamarindia we still privately remember when he was Dwayne. All that changed after the mysterious detention in Johz, when, as captain of the under-21s entering their first ever tournament, he was held at the border by Johzian Immigration and missed the entire competition. The incident has never been explained, either by immigration or by the player himself, but when he was released at the end of the tournament, he had dropped the name Dwayne, and insisted on being referred to by his family name alone. In common with his favoured mode of expressing both delight and disdain, Masvidal will punch anyone who uses that name now – double hard. As I will find out next time I meet him.

Interestingly there are a number of seasons in which the collectible football sticker company Pinnunnu published sets where he was, naturally since it was his name, listed as Dwayne Masvidal. The most exciting ones – if you are inclined to get excited by football stickers – were those published at the beginning of the season in which he decided to make the change to simply Masvidal. A run of stickers with his full name – or should we say old name – were printed and released, before Masvidal himself went in person to Pinnunnu and persuaded them to change the labelling. The bulk of that seasons stickers, and all subsequent releases, simply say Masvidal. But the few that got on to the market with his, ahem, old name, are highly collectible. You might pay one week's National Standard Wage for them on the black & red market back home.

Supernatural Player Theory

His name change is not the full extent of Masvidal's eccentricities. As followers of the next World Cup will find out – he plans to publish a serialisation of his thoughts on the matter - the young warhorse has become something of an adherent of the Supernatural Player Theory, arguably a paranoid fatalistic world view, perhaps with futilitarian philosophical overtones, concerning the nature of fate, destiny, and the idea that we are all but pieces and characters imagined by Supernatural Players and used in the playing of games. It is the subject of much debate and study at the Academy of International Relations in Libertad, where the Department for Superstition are nationally reknowned for their studies and rebuttals of the myriad religions of the multiverse. What we know of Masvidal's thinking is limited, for he has not gone public on his ideas, but looking back through interviews and commentary at previous tournaments it is clear that he has doubts about the sovereignty of his own actions, and suspects himself to be an agent of greater forces at work in the multiverse. Like the many icons of the Abrahamic Empire, or David Koresh, or Charles Manson, Jung Myung Seok, the Nuwaubians, and other delusionals. Except, perhaps, more benign in Masvidal's case.

Does he hear voices in his head? He says not.

The High Priest of 'Shana

Perhaps this idea of the Supernatural Player comes from his last visit to Mangolana for the World Indoor Soccer Championships, when, in order to be legally licensed to perform a marriage ceremony between Tamaridian journalist Chandara Sín and Ryevolian footballer Dave Tankles, Masvidal took the ordination of 'Shana, and became a priest in the local religious sect. These are some of his reflections from that time, published in the newspaper La Botela on his return.

I had on my full ceremonial robes as a true priest of the Mangolana Way, which I bought (the priesthood and the robes) for 3000 fangs in a back alley off Rómello Street. That had been interesting: Chu Mango had taken me to get licensed for performing legal marriages – as well as baptisms, eucharists, confessions, confirmations, the rites of death, exorcisms and black belt grading in the Mangolana martial art of Nurrua. In a crypt under the church in the back alley off the road on the strip of the district where sin is the currency, a man explained the spiritual sanctity of the priesthood, took the money off me, tried to barter for a bit more, shared a ritual vodka with a shot of crack cocaine, blessed me, gave me a grubby brown paper bag tied up with string that had been robbed from a beggar's trousers, and announced that I was ordained into the Holy Way.

[Qazox]

Who is taking home the Bronze medal at the 44th Baptism of Fire? Find out... NOW!

Winner is in Bronze

BoF 44 Third place match @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City, Qazox
(6-0-2) Mapletish 2-1 (6-1-1) Euskirribakondara

The BoF championship will be posted later tonight.