World Cup 54: RP thread

[Consortina]

Memos from the desk of Hartmut Wildgrimson

To Ms. Veldt, Analyst
Provide me with detailed information about the strategical preferences of Gregor Tarquin’s last few teams. I have enough video material on Orkjelstad already. Maybe you could dig up something on #40, though. Are they seriously running an underage keeper in their World Cup formation?
PS: Yes, I am still head coach contrary to what may be written in papers right now.
PPS: What exactly is the tiebreaker situation, should we be tied with Andossa and Starblaydia at the end of the interzonal stage? Do you understand the regulations on this part?

To Mr. Borski, Mr. Tungval & Ms. Walters, Personal Protection
I think I heard the phone ring in the lodge today. Just in case we are tracked down, please prepare an alternative hideout to which we can switch quickly. I think I am growing confident that I am not going to be ripped apart by the population of this forsaken country but I might kill the next guy who tries to get an interview.

To Mr. Groth, Lawyer
These are the issues I want you and your colleagues to take a look at, in descending order of urgency.
- Check the articles in the CONSORTINEAN NEWSFLASH, the SPORTSFLASH, the CLOAK & DAGGER, the UNVEILED and the OBSERVER for possible grounds of damage to my reputation and prepare action against the papers should there be substantial grounds. I might provide you with further articles during the next few days.
- How do laws for freedom of press, right for privacy and acts in self-defense compare in both our legislation as well as in Bears Armed? How can I defend myself against aggressive journalism without breaking felony laws?
- Check my contract with the CSD for any infractions I may have committed with my unannounced absence from the team. What are the consequences I can realistically expect? Also, I fear that a few heads in the federation are looking for a loophole to remove me from the job? Are there holes in the contract that can be exploited against me?
- I possess an audio recording of a verbal contract between me and a third party concerning over a sponsorship deal. Is there any chance to use it as judicial evidence in lieu of a written contract?

To Mr. Olegard, Federation Executive
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement for the team and your wishes for us to advance in the World Cup and further represent Consortina to the best of our ability. We all appreciate the hard work you put in not only financing the team but also supporting the coaching staff unconditionally and making sure we can concentrate on training and preparing the players for their toughest matches. To know that you trust us to make the right decisions and refrain from rash and preconceived actions that may destabilize the team and sabotage our chances in the current tournament.
In case you missed the point: If you give one more interview, questioning my status or actually start the ‘investigation’ you announced, *I* am going to pull strings. I am ready to fight this one out and if you force me to leave, I am going to drag your sorry hide with me.

To Mr. Goldstein, Team Captain
Thank you for your kind words. Your performances against Kelssek and Loonaterian were enough of a signal for me to know that you are on my side (if there are ‘sides’ in all of this) but it is encouraging to know that I can count on the support of my team. I regret that the federation and I are burdening you with this conflict and I will try my best to minimize its impact on the team.
Concerning the day after tomorrow: We will play no friendly, indeed. It’s a pity to miss the opportunity but I think we will need another rest day to focus on the task at hand, whether it will be a final or CoH.

To Mr. Haemmelainen, Fitness Coach
Provide me with a prognosis of the fitness and stamina parameters for all players for the next week. Assume that we keep the starting formation and hold small training sessions each rest day. How much rotation will be needed to keep the entire team over 80% in all parameters? How much if we are satisfied with 75%?

To Mr. Xiaowen, Assistant Coach
I am delighted to hear that you chose to stay with us after all. Let me stress once again, that my return is not owed to a negative perception of your job as replacement coach but rather to my realization that it was an error to leave the team in the first place and rectifying it would be more important than your honor or mine. Whether we can continue our cooperation long-term is indeed something we must address but we should concern ourselves with it only after the last game of the Cup. The team deserves it.
Concerning the formation. I am going to keep the one of the Loonaterian match. We don’t have enough time for experiments left anyway.

To Mr. Witt, Ms. Sandhurst, Mr. Kalininchev, Ms. Thurgard, Ms. Welsen and Whomever it may concern
I am NOT giving interviews and I am NOT authorizing you to record, print, screen or show in any way my statements. I WILL take action against anyone publishing articles where I find even a grain of false information or damage of reputation.

To Ms. Bloch, Psychologist
I am sorry that I missed yesterday’s appointment but I was required in the trainings camp and I felt relatively well that day. Nonetheless I would like to continue the anxiety therapy to consolidate the progress that I have made. Apparently, it is expected of an international coach to arrange themselves with such conditions. Who knows what sentient beasts are home to the nation where the finals will be held.

[Tarrentum]

Tarrentum Falcons Sporting News

The Orange and Blue are on the verge of advancing to One Big Island. Against the toughest competition in the Interzonal phases the Falcons have played to a 2-0-2 record. While they are tied with Cafundeu and Akbarabad the Falcons have the upper hand. "We know that we are playing the best and doing good," Head Coach Delphine Italiana stated the post-game press conference after their match against Parsaga. "Sure we've only won two matches but this has been against some of the toughest opponents out there. This team is focused and we are learning from our lossess." This learning was most evident in the team's 1-0 victory over Cafundeu.

While the Cafundelese team came out strong at the beginning of the match, the Falcons were able to keep pace. Eventually the Tarrentians employed their modified flowing attack to perfection. Sandroni wove through the defense and lobbed the ball through the box to a streaking Qund who headed it into the net. This was the only goal that the Falcons needed. The Tarrentian defense tightened in the second half and even though the Cafundelese threw in many of their best offensive substitutions there was no way they could overcome the Orange and Blue.

The game against Parsaga was tightly contested. Although Italiana and Dlartanina made some great defensive substitutions they were unable to stop the Parsagian set pieces. The Parsagian team was able to get a great header in on goal past Tucadi off of a late corner kick. "We were caught sleeping. Sometimes you think that after three corner kicks you've got this in hand but then you realize that you just got beat by one of the best attackers in the game." Treppen Uppenilli was very outspoken in his press conference after Tarrentum's latest loss. "I know that we've got a lot going for us but we can't let our guard down. We can do this, for ourselves and for Tarrentum."

The Falcons need one more win to stay in a qualifying spot in their Interzonal. A Draw would not be the end of their WC 54 run but could very well send the Imperials packing.

[Qazox]

<Meanwhile> Somewhere in the nation of Green wombat...

"But how the hell are you still alive?" Kyle Cartman.

"You are talking about when you killed 'me' in Rejistania in 1880? Simply you didn't. Just the look on your face when I said that is priceless, Kyle." said Abe Simpson. "You killed one of my clones. Oh, you did wind up destroying my cloning facility during the Q-Continuum War. But by then I found out your secret, Kyle, so I didn't need them anymore."

Kyle stood there with an absolute look of shock on his face. Granted the events in Rejistania occured over 100 years ago, and wouldn't be offically released for another 50 years, but to see what many would call his archenemy alive after 110 years would shock anyone.

"Kyle... Kyle...Kyle. Despite your imortallity and intelligence; you are suprisingly stupid somtimes." Simpson said. "But let's not stay outside.. it is rather cold and frankly at my age, I don't like it."

The three men climbed into the back of a hovercar and sped off into the night. As Kyle sat there, Dennis Halpberg and Abe Simpson chatted like old friends, but Kyle barely heard a word as he kept trying to, first figure out how Simpson could have survived the bomb blast, and second the main thing on his mind, how the items would be used. After an hour of driving, the hovercar stopped next to a military hangar and the three men entered the hangar. Within Kyle stared at something that he'd only just seen blue-prints for Project Janus.

"Ah, I see you recognize what is before you Kyle. Yes that is the infamous Project Janus. Oh, I must thank you for collecting the final 4 items we need to complete the project. The plans Halpberg gave you were fakes. As you are a rather curious type, and this I am promising you right now; You will die tonight Kyle, so it don't matter to me if I tell you," Simpson explained.

"First off, without the Shroud of Turin, any living thing transported through the JanusGate would not survive. The piece of the True Cross allows one to accurately target any person that has human DNA, which pretty much means everyone, except merfolk of course. The intelligent atomic particles provides cohesion to any targeted subject that will be transported though the JanusGate. Finally the water from the Enternal Spring allows chronitons to be condensed so the JanusGate can manipulate them. The result being, finally Time Travel will be made possible. But here's the funny thing I learned while working on this Kyle. This is not the first time we have done this. Ever hear of the Noveen Conjuction? No? Appearently in about 25 years, a once in a Ten thousand Year occurance in which all nine planets (ooc: Qazox still contends there are 9 planets) align perfectly and send the Q-Continuum back in time exactly 113 years. Why exactly 113 years? Because 113 years ago, someone accidently created a Temporal inversion while researching time travel."

"I can understand that, but how did this Temporal inversion occur in the first place?" Kyle asked.

"In 1877, a young scientist decided to attempt his hand at solving the EPR paradox, and appearently succeded. But in doing so, a link between that date and the date of the Noveen Conjuction became temporally entangled, so during every occurance of the Noveen Conjuction it restarts the Q Continuum at that exact point in time." Dennis Halpberg answered. "Just what was it that you wrote about for your PhD thesis in Temporal Physics, Kyle? Wasn't it a solution to the EPR Paradox?"

(To be continued...)

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Face Must Win Vs Loonitarian

Mace: Jitterbug

Salis’hava: This is one of my favorites!

Mace: Jitterbug

Kymy: Anything Mace sings is one of your favorites.

Mace: Jitterbug

Jonasei: Who the Hell cares? We lost to Kelssek!

Mace: Jitterbug

Salis’hava: I care.

Emyle: We can see that.

Ciara: We were horrible again. Sorry guys.

Mace: You put the boom-boom into my heart,
You send my soul sky-high when your lovin' starts.

Kymy: Y’all played hard this time. The defense was just superb on Kelssek’s end.

Jonasei: It still sucks ass.

Mace: Jitterbug into my brain,
Goes a-bang-bang-bang ‘til my feet do the same.

Emyle: We just have to get it together and beat Loonitarian and insure that we move on.

Ciara: What about Consortina?

Mace: But something's bugging me,
Something ain't right;
My best friend told me
What you did last night.

Salis’hava: I want to have his baby!

Emyle: What?

Kymy: It doesn’t matter what they do as long as we win our match.

Mace: Left me sleeping
In my bed.
I was dreaming
But I should've been with you instead.

Jonasei: Kelssek could be the one in trouble, they face Star with no points to spare.

Ciara: It would be tough for them to have beaten us and still lose their spot to Consortina

Kymy: That’s the problem each and every one of us faces each time out.

Mace: Wake me up before you go-go,
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.
Wake me up before you go-go,
I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high.

Emyle: Oh Blessed Mother Star!

Kymy: what?

Emyle: Sali just threw her panties on the stage.

Mace: Wake me up before you go-go,
'Cause I'm not planning on goin’ solo.
Wake me up before you go-go,
Take me dancing tonight…
I wanna hit that high...
Yeah, yeah.

Kymy: Ok. Time to go. Grab Sali before she makes a huge mistake.

Salis’hava: I don’t want to go!

Ciara: Too bad. We’re lesving.

Mace: You get the gray skies outta my way,
You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day.
Turned a bright spark into …

[Newmanistan]

Since all the hoopla over the supposed affair had died off, Courtney Keisler began thinking about that original dilemma she was beginning to have as she approached adulthood (16): whether or not she really did want to become a professional baseball player, or to pursue a football career. She had gotten advice from many different people, but in the end those people all just told her to essentially “do what you think is best”. While she appreciated the advice, it also seemed like the easy way for them to get out of having that conversation with her. The time was coming closer now, with many pre-season NBL publications mentioning that she would be a cinch to be the #1 overall draft selection when it came time for the 2102 season. So even though the 2101 season was just about to begin, she knew that because of that, her name would often be mentioned during the season in the form of “where will Courtney go and will so-and-so tank the season in order to get her?” The amount of scouts would increase, and soon they would even approach her to do things such as analyze her character to make sure that she is a safe #1 overall pick. And if you were a general manager with that pick, what would be your top concern with drafting Courtney? Exactly! Whether or not she was actually going to baseball. But before Courtney could answer that question to the NBL personnel she would soon see, she had to be able to answer that question for herself, too.

You see, for all this time, Courtney always seemed to be heading towards baseball. Obviously, her mother was a significant influence, but even without that, she always seemed to place pitching first. Going to these World Cup qualifying games re-kindled that desire to play football, though, because of the challenge that would come of it. The Newmanistanian baseball is the best in the world, and the latest championship silenced anyone from Qazox, or Milchama, or who might still be alive and kicking from the former nation of Az-cz that they could possibly be better then the Rockets. Assuming the baseball coach Christina Sanders already has the roster spot for her (and why wouldn’t she given her friendship with her mother?), Courtney would be joining a team already at the top of the world. Football looked like an intriguing challenge. She could see their passion and team chemistry, from her conversations with Myron Jackson and his girlfriend from the team joining together and wearing their “Why Not?!” T-Shirts in practice. Being the underdog looks fun, she thought. When she played in the Keisler Cup, she was part of a team that quietly resented her but she knew it wasn’t easy for them and understood why. It was tough for her to feel like part of that team, and she wondered what would happen if she was part of the World Baseball Classic 18 team. Even in the reports from (WBC) 17, the media began speculating whose spot in the starting rotation she would take, targeting mainly Brittany Castelli. “Brittany must hate me and she doesn’t even know me,” she started to think. That wouldn’t happen in football. Should she play? She couldn’t ask mom, but maybe she could have her first serious father-daughter conversation with Junior. Over the last couple weeks as the interzonals have progressed, she’s become more comfortable around him, and vice versa.

“Hey Dad, I really need your advice on something.” she asked.

Junior smiled. Those words, they were so wonderful to hear. “Go ahead, sweetheart.”

“I can’t ask Mom because I already know how she will answer. I really want to know what you think I should play and don’t just say football because you were a football or don’t just tell me to do what I think is best because that really doesn’t help me. Seriously, what should I play, baseball or football?”

“Why are you asking me this? What is keeping you from committing to baseball? Honestly, because that’s important in handling this question.”

“Well, football just looks more fun. Whenever I play baseball it’s like ‘well you’re Courtney Keisler, you’re supposed to be good because your mom was’. Whenever I have a good game, no one really cares or it’s because my mom was good, not about me. If I give up three runs or worse it’s like I am an embarrassment to the family name. Then there’s the other kids or people I play with. They will be my friends, but I don’t think they like playing with me because I get all of the attention and I have to admit that I don’t really think that is fair. When I pitch I feel as though I am just doing what is expected of me. It’s fun sometimes but sometimes it isn’t. When I watch the football team, they are having fun. I know I can play football at this level. Nothing is expected of me when I play football, I can just go out there and enjoy it and be myself, not the second coming of Stacey Keisler. Then there’s the team. The baseball team is expected to win every single game that they ever play, while the football team seems like that they can just have more fun.”

“Courtney you make good points. Remember that I have been through everything you are going through now as far as being expected to be good. I felt the same way, your grandfather was a great player and I loved him dearly then just like I do now. But it’s like people just saw my name, like especially from those Atlantian Oceania countries and were like, ‘oh, so they’re essentially going to conveniently extend the career of their star through him’. I hated that. I am a different person but every time I did something good it was like ‘there goes another Jeremy McAllister, scoring for the Rockets again, ho-hum’. I didn’t score the 134 goals my father did but it was like I already did. My 1st goal to some was more like the 135th by a McAllister. Having said all that, playing football was very rewarding to me, but I never had an option of playing another sport. You really could do a second sport. Baseball can be very rewarding to you and you’ll eventually get the respect that you deserve. But if football seems like it will challenge you, and excite you, then I would play football.”

“Football also seems more fun because some of the teams are very strange or different. Like Bears, Elves, or Greek Gods. What’s next? Retired champion racehorses?”

“That was always a fun part of World Cup qualifying, yes. Baseball rosters are always very conventional. And this next teams the Rockets have to play is one of those unusual nations.”

“Yeah I have seen them. That keeper is really odd. Can the Rockets win, don’t they kinda have too?”

“If there’s one thing about Newmanistan in World Cup qualifying, it can never be easy. Their can be 20 scenarios that would see them through and 2 that don’t. And sure enough, it will be one of the two. It’s playing out that way again. As good as it looks, the bounces go the other way. But maybe things are different now.”

“I hope so.”

“So do I, Courtney, so do I.”

[Dorian and Sonya]

Mystical Unicorns To Face 1 More Test

My Queen,

The Mystical Unicorns made some real noise today as the earned a 4-1 victory over Valladares. The win marks our second in a row over very tough competition but somehow it all comes down to our final match against the upstart Candy Apples from Cotdelapoms to officially earn that coveted spot in the World Cup 54 proper stages.

That is a bit of a concern as Cotdelapoms shows great promise and quite honestly reminds me of our own squad in the way that they have placed their selves in such a solid position so quickly. We will have to work hard to ensure that we do not become the victim in this match.

Worst case scenario could see our group end up in a massive 5 way clusterfuck at the end of the final match day. That should benefit us as the only side close on goal differential is The Holy Empire, but the scenarios are too complicated for me to keep up with.

Hopefully there will be great news to send after tomorrow’s results.

Your humble servant,
Khyber

[Akbarabad]

Akbarabad face do or die encounter in last qualifying game.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): A 3-1 defeat to Cafundéu has seen the Tiger Eaters sink to fourth place in the group on goal difference and in serious danger of being eliminated. This defeat follows a humiliating 4-0 loss to qualifiers and group winners Jeruselem and has seen the side squander the opportunity given by wins in the first two matches.

The team now faces Tarrentum in a must win encounter as anything less than win would result in elimination. Both Tarrentum and Cafundéu lead us on goal difference (Cafundéu also now lead in head to head) so we really can't count on sneaking in throu the efforts of others. We have to win to guarantee survival.

With the last World Cup seeing our first failed qualifying campaign since we began qualifying for the Cup back in World Cup 48, another failed attempt would have disastrous consequences for the sport in the country. Not only would there be precipitous decline in the sports mass following but there would also have to be a comprehensive clear out of the current players and there replacement with newer ones. A successful qualification on the other hand, could allow a more orderly transition.

Akbarabad 1-3 Cafundéu
(Rashid Hossain 48") (Lewton 23", Romergleydson 36", 71")

[The Babbage Islands]

Stand by for the announcement of 15 more qualifiers: RP cutoff for the Interzonal Phase in five host nations!

Final Standings

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Adventures in Queer Poco el Mono Ara: the Diary of a Notorious Witch

Holding my torch aloft, I surveyed the apparent tourists from a distance across the sand. I grimaced at their grotesque baseball caps, cargo shorts, and hiking shoes, but I supposed that my recoil was minor compared to that of the local Pocoans, who undoubtedly had to deal with this every day of every year. I thought about sneaking back off into the darkness, but then realized that this was a reasonably good opportunity to bullshit my way into the pyramid so that I could have a look around without technically trespassing.

I sensed that something (or someone) was beckoning me inside King Ahmuktahran's pyramid for a reason I did not know, and I had to make contact with that thing. I treaded through the shadows of the desert and called to the group assembling in the sand outside the gigantic tomb.

"Hark ye! Allow me to join you!"

I should have remembered that old witches appearing out of the darkness of the desert tend to scare the daylights out of unprepared passers-by, for several of the tourists visibly jumped. One even placed both hands over his behind for some reason (and would later excuse himself to run back to his hotel for the restroom).

"Apologies for frightening you..."

"Ah!!! Look, mommy, a witch!"

"D-d-don't worry, honey, it's not a witch, it's just an old lady."

"Actually," I told the mother of the little girl, "she's right, I am a witch. A rather famous one, at that. Baba Yaga is what they call me. I don't suppose I might join in on the pyramid tour?"

The tour guide, who evidently had been about to begin the trip into the interior, looked to be seriously considering telling me no, but when I flashed a handful of mono coins at him, he changed his mind and agreed. After again profusely apologizing for the fright I had caused by creeping out of the shadows of the desert, we began a walk around the perimeter of the pyramid.

"Well folks," the tour guide began, "this is the pyramid of King Ahmuktahran, emperor of Yepes, as you know. The tomb inside it was seals for hundreds upon hundreds of years until British grave robbers opened it in search of the treasure rumored to still be inside. However, as we will talk about once we're inside, none of the raiders made it out of the pyramid.

"Ahmuktahran's body was cleansed in traditional fashion before being laid to rest in his sarcophagus, and that involved the removal of his internal organs, save for his heart, which was left. The organs were then burned on a ceremonial fire. In this specific case, however, the emperor's body wasn't the only thing interred... several servants were buried alive in the tomb."

The tour group and I ducked our heads down in order to enter a small doorway at the opening of a corridor.

"There are several different chambers within the pyramid, three of which remain sealed. They were opened once, when the grave robbers broke in around the nineteenth century. But all three met unspeakable and gruesome ends, which we won't discuss because I don't want to creep anyone out more than they already are," at which point the tour guide uneasily glanced at me. "Anyway, down that corridor is where we would go if we wanted to enter those three sealed chambers where the treasure might be." He pointed down a very dark and very low-ceilinged hallway.

And then I saw the images of the sizzling blood and the pink square flash before my eyes again. So... I was to go into the sealed chambers, was I? My intuition seemed to be telling me so. But why? What was it to me that the spirits of the King and his servants might be down there?

I followed my instinct anyway and cast a surreptitious spell that distracted everyone in the tour group and crept into the side corridor.

The stone walls all around me were oddly hot, but there was no light. I once again summoned the burning torch so that I could see. As I got further, I began to see weird inscriptions on the walls, ones that somehow didn't seem to have been written by humans. Up ahead, there seemed to be a chamber...

The chamber wasn't altogether that big, but at least I could stand up straight. Something wasn't right...

And then I saw them. Gruesome figures, clad in rags, eyes of mortifying orange, half-transparent... the spirits of the king's servants were there in the tiny room, their eyes boring into me and angry expressions on their faces.

Spontaneously, enormous chains sprang forth from the darkness, seemingly out of nowhere! They wrapped themselves around my neck, trying to choke me! The ghosts descended on me, presumably ready to rip me into pieces or disembowel me. Luckily, it takes a lot more than a chain or two to kill me, so eventually I wrestled the bonds free. An ordinary man, however, never would have survived the booby trap.

I cast a spell, and with a incandescent blue flash of light, the servants were cast back into the walls. And so I had survived one chamber. I continued onward and eventually found the next chamber. This one was slightly bigger, and the stone walls were neater and more ornate. But again, I could sense that the spirits were coming...

The ghosts appeared in greater number this time, their orange eyes ever oranger, their tattered clothes even more tattered, their grimaces even more livid. I sensed that another trap was coming and I was right.

This time, it was harder to fight the assault off. A teeming, slithering horde of filthy bugs sprang out of all the cracks in the walls, their pincers all bared like sick little fangs. Immediately I could feel bites on my feet and legs, and though again they wouldn't kill me, I was in pain. The blue flash spell didn't work again, and neither did a stink bomb, and I was honestly on the verge of panic before discovering that a blast of freezing air could immobilize and kill all of the bugs.

I travelled onward. The next portion of corridor was astonishingly long but increasingly ornate with inscriptions and decorations. I finally reached the last chamber.

It dwarfed the size of the other two. The room was the size of a bus, with a massive hulk of a sarcophagus nestled into the end of it. There were no servant ghosts here in this space, but there was a dark, tall figure near the stone coffin with his back turned to me. I had no chance to address him, though, as a tempest of fire suddenly engulfed me. The heat singed my frizzy white hair, melted my fingernails, and scarred my robes, but I could not be permanently harmed. Though I could not stop the flames with any spell I knew, eventually I managed to walk all the way through them and speak to the figure by the sarcophagus.

The King turned around, the same orange eyes but lacking the tattered clothes or the menacing stare. He was a proud man, it was clear. But his grief was obvious... something was wrong.

[Cassadaigua]

Who are the other teams going to the World Cup? Find out soon! RP cutoff time.

Celebration or Sorrow?

[Saugeais]

National Journal
Too little, too late: Saugeais eliminated

It was a bittersweet victory on the final day of interzonal play. Saugeais, having already been eliminated from the group, defeated Rennidan by the score of 1-0. The win marks the only win during the interzonal stages for Saugeais. "It most certainly is frustrating. We play our hardest but we come up short," says manager Benoit Howard. "My best eleven didn't get the job done, and that is a complete letdown. On the eve of Thomas LeBoeuf's retirement, I'm going to put together a massive overhaul of the national squad. Some will stay and some won't. I'm doing this for the good of the team, as said team hasn't been clicking together lately. So I'm going to re-work the roster based on the next few friendlies and find which team will best fit the scheme."

"Well, you know i'm retiring, so what other questions do you have?" said Thomas LeBoeuf, after the Rennidan match. Many questions were asked: where will you settle down at? Will you come back as a Premiere League manager? Etc. "I haven't had any idea what to do. I've put most of my life into the sport that I haven't had time to do anything else. Maybe I will settle down and raise my kids, I don't know. I do know that I would like to step away from the game for a while."

If invited, Saugeais will most likely accept a spot in the Cup of Harmony tournament "on the premise that THAT roster will be very different than the World Cup roster," as eluded to by Howard.

[Bostopia]

Louis hid.

He hid good.

Louis wished there were corners in a lighthouse.

He'd at least then be able to hide, cowering in a corner somewhere.

But, lighthouses didn't have corners – they just had a massive light telling people where not to go.

Louis realised this was actually a good thing – the Aguazul Navy wouldn't come anywhere near the lighthouse, what with all those rocks ships rather do like to avoid. Mind you, the rear-side of the rotating light was a pretty good place to hide. No-one would ever look at that, and even if they did they wouldn't see him.

He turned his head to watch the Aguazul ship pass, on route to goodness knows where, though it was most definately avoiding the lighthouse and a diplomatic crisis in one fell swoop. Or avoiding a lighthouse and him being on the receiving end of a right hook.

The radio crackled into life... "Lighthouse Vlad, have you a sighting of a foreign vessel approaching Bostopian waters?"

Louis climbed down, taking a moment to regain his balance after spinning in a circle for so long.

"Yes, I do."

"Can you identify them?"

Louis let out a hearty laugh. "Yes, I can," he said, barely containing his joviality, "they were definately from Aguazul."

"Ah, good. A friendly nation. The Emperor's in a mood you see and has given orders only to be asked if things can be blown out the water if we really don't like whatever nation you're from."

"You'd have asked if you could blow some Aguazul ship out of the water otherwise?!" Louis asked, incredulous.

"Well, yes. Good thing he burnt his tongue on that roast potato really."

"Urm, yeah, alright."

"Anyway, ta for the update. Much appreciated. Coastal West-North-East out."

Louis poked his head up and pressed his face against the window. The Aguazul ship was almost out of sight now. "Good," he thought, "saves my face for another night."

Then the doorbell went. Louis wasn't expecting that. He didn't know that the lighthouse had a doorbell, let alone know anyone would want to ring it. It worried Louis. It worried him a lot.

[Cafundeu]

FOLHA DA CAPITAL
O jornal no lugar certo na hora certa da notícia

Edição especial de Domingo - Ano 240 - Caderno III - Preço: V$4,00

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FROM CAFUNDÉU TO VALLADARES

A crowded place, much more than a overcrowded students' house, is where I go to meet the ones who I'll be following today. A group of more than fifty supporters, all Cafundelense but fans of different football teams, who are here only to support the Monopolists in the World Cup qualifiers. Together, they managed to make their trip possible, by sharing the price of the bus, of this shelter and of food and transport. As expected, Cafundelenses would do everything to save some money, even if this means becoming allies of their main rivals, football-wise. So here I am, in the middle of this group, taking a look at their living conditions here in Metropolis, while they get prepared to leave the shelter and enter the bus for the stadium, since the match is at four o'clock, only three hours from now. There are a few beds, but much less than the needed to accomodate everyone: blankets on the ground are used by the others to sleep. The lunch is what remained from the several pizzas asked the day before, and they need this energy to support Cafundéu in the crucial game that lies ahead. These people hardly knew each other before the trip: they have different origins and styles, as I could notice by interviewing them.

One is a poor man from the Coast State, a fan of CR Submiria, something visible by the blue shirt of the club he is wearing. Still eating, he comments: "This is my first time abroad, it's interesting to meet a different culture... we don't have to pay for so many things here, but we also cannot charge for things too... it is weird, but I got used after a few days. This has been a good experience, especially because I'm doing this because of my love for the Monopolists." Another, a old fan of Cafundó do Juta, has been in Valladares before: "Not my first time here in Metropolis. I've been here a couple of times, but to watch Cafundó do Juta matches against Metropolis Alligators for the Globe Cup. Usually things went very well for my team when I am here, so let's hope this happens again." A third one is a Central United fan, wanting to see one of his club's players having a good performance against Rejistania: "It is time for Danilinho to finally show his talent in our National Team, I am counting on this to give us the win today." We wait some time for everyone to get ready to leave, and wait for the bus to come.

On our way to the stadium, I could also notice other difficulties of the Cafundelense supporters in Valladares. Most of them do not speak Spanish, much less English. "Dario there speaks Spanish, but he cannot work as a translator for all of us... he helps one time or another, but usually he is busy with other things. We thought that Spanish would be easier to understand as we know Portuguese, but... oh well, they speak too fast for me to understand, and some words are simply too different for me... body language ends being more efficient", said Gustavo, one of the supporters. There is also the food: "The hot dog here doesn't have the same ingredients... well, the basic ones are the same, but the others... it's a very different stadium experience as, after all, food is an important factor during a match", Ivan tells me. And this big but not uniform group goes to the stadium. Few are wearing Cafundéu shirts, most use the shirts of their favourite football clubs, while several others are carrying banners or small flags. "Mine is written: I'm glad that I'm not at home listening to Breno Gavião right now... please shut up, Breno!", comments Hannah.

And so the match begins, and quickly we could notice the difference between this group of fans and the other supporters we followed during the qualifiers. Usually the others are very quiet, only talk to one another, but this group is the incorporation, the true representatives of the average football fan in Cafundéu: shouting everytime, reacting to any refereeing decision, to any pass and even to sliding tackles, successful or not, like if they were decisive moments for the match. When one turns to another, is to discuss a wrong decision of the coach, to criticize him or one player in particular. They all act like if they were specialists in football, and usually one agrees with what the other says, but even when there is a disagreement there hardly is an argument: in the end, they all agree that the coach should change something. At the beginning of the match, things are calm. But when Rejistania scores, tension takes over and the bad words come out, the critics become more intense, and each move promotes extreme reactions. Cafundéu's qualification is at danger with Akbarabad winning, and they are worried that it won't come.

Cafundéu plays more offensive, but it is even more difficult to pierce Rejistania's defence when they are winning. For some minutes, the fans are so nervous that they are unable to speak, waiting quietly for something to happen. And, in the middle of the silence, it comes. Romergleydson attempts a shot from outside the area, the goalkeeper makes a fine save but the ball goes directly to Danilinho. Would that fan be right, would be guarantee Cafundéu's qualification? No, he completely missed the ball, but luckily the defender also did, and Sidmar arrived running to shoot and score. At the moment the ball went to the net, an explosion on the stands: all the supporters jumping at the same time, one hugging another, three of them hugged me at the same time, forgetting all their local rivalries and the difficulties they have passed on their trip to Valladares: they objective there was to see the Monopolists qualifying for the World Cup, and that was what happened. Surely they wouldn't have the money to go and see the World Cup, but they feel themselves a part of Cafundéu's success only for being there to help the team during the interzonals. Our series will continue, with more stories to come for the World Cup!

[Aguazul]

(OOC: And thanks again to Bostopia for coming up with several lines and plot events.)

"And Saavedra rounds Dubois, just got the goalkeeper to beat, and he...scores! Aguazul take the lead!"

"No," Martín hissed, "I don't care how young you are. We have dinged and donged the lighthouse, but we are not going to ditch it."

Slowly, most of his troops back away. Only Columba remained alongside him as the door opened. She was there to translate; thus, the dialogue throughout might be in English or Spanish. Use your own best judgment.

"Hello?" said the man at the door.

"Hello," Columba nervously responded. "Have you seen any dinosaurs?"

"Dinosaurs?" he echoed.

"Yes. Um. Perhaps large ones, like a tank. Or perhaps smaller ones like, um, a bunch of printed fuzzy blurs."

"Ah...no. I have not seen any dinosaurs. Just a ship. And someone was in here hassling the ship on the radio but he ran away just before you got here. Honest."

"Okay," said Columba. "Thanks for your time."

They backed away as she hurriedly translated the short conversation for Martín.

"All right," he sighed. "Just...let's all walk around together, and if I think it's appropriate we'll split into groups. Let me know if you see anything...unusual."

It was Ricardo who first saw something unusual. "Over there, sir!"

Martín glanced over. It was some sort of truck with a window cut out in the front and a menu pasted along either side. "No, actually, we are looking for dinosaurs."

"Right."

"Is that a dinosaur tank?" asked Salamo, fifteen minutes later, as they continued meandering through Olisfeld.

"No," said Martín, "that is a tank tank."

"Right."

And, twenty minutes after that:

"There." It was almost a whisper. Ranemiro didn't tend to whisper a lot. But there it was, slumped on the coast, asleep.

"Looks almost starved," said Martín, his eyes glittering for a moment as if about to take a risk. "Oh well. All the better for us.

Spread out in groups, find as many as you need to drag them on board the ships. There are twelve extra transports besides the Halma; load, er..." He held his arm close to his face and squinted. "91 onto all of the others, if there are that many, and there should be one left to take with us."

Nobody really understood what he meant about the numbers coming out even, but Columba realized perfectly well what it meant when numbers of people didn't come out even. Others slowly settled into a rhythm of dragging the dormant dinosaurs down the beach, but she was left without a group, and besides, she wasn't very strong.

"I think that thing has food," Ricardo grinned, nodding at the unusual item he'd found. "Wanna see what they eat in Bostopia?"

"Sounds like a plan!" Salamo agreed, and he waved Columba along as they climbed in through the back. "I can't cook," he apologetically shrugged, with a glance at her.

Rolling her eyes, Columba flicked the nearest switch on the nearest appliance. The appliance just so happened to be an oven.

The oven just so happened to be full of poutine.

And within minutes, the cheesy vapor was making its way out of the trailer and onto the beach.

And the dinosaur Ranemiro was lugging inhaled deeply, inhaled it again, and came to life.

He blinked. There it was. A real live, not even dormant, velociraptor, claws at the ready, standing inches away from him.

Lily had been right. Fast life, young death, and the last sound he would hear would be

"...and what an abject turnaround as these teenagers have been having the run of the place. Nelson Compfield, as if Bostopia doesn't have enough Somethingfields already, just look at a map! having scored to tie and take the lead, and look at the replay, Gammon just embarrassing Poblano for another goal...

Joaquin's ratataTAtataTAta ratataTAtataTAtata. It was the accompaniment part for "I Don't Actually Want To Conquer Your Homeland" or "Me And My Bong," depending on who they were performing for. Lily loved it. Martín loved it.

The dinosaur, now tapping its claw vigorously in time with Joaquin's frenetic "drumming", seemed to be loving it.

"¿Qué pasa?" Martín demanded.

"Se levantaron," Joaquin unnecessarily explained.

"...Ya lo sé. Pero..."

"Creo," Joaquin ventured, still beating his drumsticks against each other, "que les gusta la música." The other dinosaurs, too, were awake but seemed placated. "Ranemiro, Isaio, regresen al Halma y traigan las guitarras."

They glanced at each other and ran.

By the time they came back, Joaquin had moved to the front of the group, still thwapping away (by then he'd changed over to "Ten Things I Hate About Autocracy"/"Why Marijuana Makes Me Merry"). The dinosaurs were slowly following him, with the others bringing up the rear, guns at the ready.

Nervously, Ranemiro and Isaio joined him for the second verse, and the dinosaurs seemed happier yet, eagerly following towards the lighthouse. Martín had given up on explaining the mathematical intricacies, and just told them to herd the velociraptors onto the boats one boat at a time, putting one in each of the other transports before going back to the first.

"Bien," he nodded, satisfied. "¿...Dónde está la traductora?"

"...Riquelme providing the consolation goal, don't think it'll be enough after that outstanding performance from Bostopia's attack, but we'll see..."

"This is good stuff," said Ricardo, licking his fingers. "What's it called?"

"No idea," said Salamo. "I think it says outside."

"Yeah, but I can't read," Columba protested.

"Eh, whatever. Pass me more gravy."

*

As Ranemiro beckoned the last dinosaur onto the Halma's stern, Martín ventured another knock on the door.

"¿Hola, habla Español?" he ventured.

"Erm. No?"

"No bueno," Martín sighed, and went back to his ship.

[Qazox]

The Road to One Big Island and World Cup 54

SIXTEEN.

It took 16 years, but Qazox is back into the World Cup. It took 16 seconds after the match whistle had blown before Thomas Holtz was covered in CrocAde. 16 just happens to be the number of Tanya Calvin, Qazox' leading scorer in qualifying. Qazox will be one of 16 teams in either Cassadaigua or The Babbage Islands fighting to be one of the 16 teams that will make the knock-out rounds. 16 truly is the sweetest number.

But it could have gone all wrong. A shot here or there that was an inch higher or lower; or a dive the missed by an inch. Kagdazka and Pazhujebu should have won this game and nearly did, coincidently enough in the 16th minute, when a header from Bolov Narozhylenko just sailed over the crossbar in K&P's best chance of the day. Midway through the 2nd half, as the scores from the other matches were posted, the crowd grew quieter, and to this reporter at least, it seemed that Qazox would need a goal to advance, just in case. But just before the final whistle blew, a cheer arose from the Qazoxian side of the stadium as the scoreboard flashed the Churchma-Eastfield Lodge 1-0 scoreline; a scoreline that clinched a World Cup berth for Qazox. Just seconds later the final whistle blew and the entire stadium erupted in a loud roar for both teams, despite the scoreless draw.

Now Qazox only awaits whom they will face in One Big Island. 16 years ago the team crashed out early and underperformed. Now as underdogs, can this team pull off an upset or two and reach the round of 16? One item of note is the 3rd group stage game will be Qazox' 600th game in team history, a milestone reached by few nations.

SCORELINE

QZX  0 0  0
K&P  0 0  0

Scoring:
None

ZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ Cafundeu L 0-4
MD2: v. Daemonheart @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562 W 1-0
MD3: v. Sirain @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500 W 3-2
MD4: BYE
MD5: @ Fellow Citizens W 3-0
MD6: v. Cafundeu @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052 W 2-0
MD7: @ Daemonheart W 4-1
MD8: @ Sirain W 4-1
MD9: BYE
MD10: v. Fellow Citizens @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721 W 3-1
INTERZONAL SCHEDULE:
MD11: Jalanat @ Estadio Victoria, Ambrose W 3-1
MD12: Churchma @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle W 1-0
MD13: Eastfield Lodge @ New World Stadium, Flynn’s Isle W 3-1
MD14: Khytenna @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda L 0-3
MD15: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu @ Estadio de la Esperanza, Minanda D 0-0

[Haginonia]

[quote="Haginonia";p="4651134"]

So Close!

A wave of disappointment went over Haginonia last night as the national football team lost four-nil to Cosumar, narrowly missing out on a maiden world cup birth. Haginonia finished in fourth place on 6 points, equal to that of Cosumar who qualified in third, but only got put in fourth due to the head-to-head rule. This has been a brilliant effort for Haginonia just to get to this point of qualification and many supporters believe that this is the start of big things for Haginonian football.
"We were so close, but at the end of the day we were only just not good enough," said coach Aloizs Sakars, "In terms of the match I think in experience in crunch games and the pressure to win this game to qualify brought our downfall. Our players will gain a lot of experience from this journey and I am sure will come back in the next qualification phase as hungry as ever."

MD1
Arda 2-0 Haginonia (Donovan Field, Mariana, 35,000)

MD2
Haginonia 5-2 Jesselton (Nonsense, Blah-dee-blah, 45,000)

MD3
Haginonia 5-1 Nethertopia (Castle of Night, Brunswick, 60,000)

MD4
Sorthern Northland 2-1 Haginonia (Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla, 105,000)

MD5
Cosumar 4-0 Haginonia (Adam Levy Memorial Stadium, Catherina, 95,000)

Delaclava Interzonal Standings

   Team                    P  W D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Nethertopia             5  4 0  1  14   6  +8  12 Q
 2 Sorthern Northland      5  4 0  1  11   6  +5  12 Q
 3 Cosumar                 5  2 0  3   7   8  -1   6 Q
 4 Haginonia               5  2 0  3  12  12  +0   6
 5 Jesselton               5  1 1  3   5  11  -6   4
 6 Arda                    5  1 1  3   5  11  -6   4

Cosumar got the third spot by virtue of the win over Haginonia.

[Haginonia]

(Image)

So Close!

A wave of disappointment went over Haginonia last night as the national football team lost four-nil to Cosumar, narrowly missing out on a maiden world cup birth. Haginonia finished in fourth place on 6 points, equal to that of Cosumar who qualified in third, but only got put in fourth due to the head-to-head rule. This has been a brilliant effort for Haginonia just to get to this point of qualification and many supporters believe that this is the start of big things for Haginonian football.
"We were so close, but at the end of the day we were only just not good enough," said coach Aloizs Sakars, "In terms of the match I think in experience in crunch games and the pressure to win this game to qualify brought our downfall. Our players will gain a lot of experience from this journey and I am sure will come back in the next qualification phase as hungry as ever."

MD1
Arda 2-0 Haginonia (Donovan Field, Mariana, 35,000)

MD2
Haginonia 5-2 Jesselton (Nonsense, Blah-dee-blah, 45,000)

MD3
Haginonia 5-1 Nethertopia (Castle of Night, Brunswick, 60,000)

MD4
Sorthern Northland 2-1 Haginonia (Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla, 105,000)

MD5
Cosumar 4-0 Haginonia (Adam Levy Memorial Stadium, Catherina, 95,000)

Delaclava Interzonal Standings

   Team                    P  W D  L For  Ag +/- Pts
 1 Nethertopia             5  4 0  1  14   6  +8  12 Q
 2 Sorthern Northland      5  4 0  1  11   6  +5  12 Q
 3 Cosumar                 5  2 0  3   7   8  -1   6 Q
 4 Haginonia               5  2 0  3  12  12  +0   6
 5 Jesselton               5  1 1  3   5  11  -6   4
 6 Arda                    5  1 1  3   5  11  -6   4

Cosumar got the third spot by virtue of the win over Haginonia.

[Consortina]

SPORTSFLASH: Conference for Matchday 5 – Interzonal Group 1

Hello and welcome to today’s broadcast. We will follow the proceedings in interzonal group one where a fierce competition has left no stone unturned and after four rounds, each team has let blood at least once. Pretty much everything is open right now and although one nation or the other might have an edge, nobody can tell for sure what is going to happen:

Starblaydia is leading the group with 9 points. The purple peril looks like they are set to continue since their score guarantees them at least a place in the tiebreakers. And because of their win against Consortina, even this should be no problem. But there is a catch later. Today, Starblaydia face Kelssek who are runner-up with 7 points. For them the route is pretty clear – Win and they are through, draw or loss and they are going to cross their fingers.
Andossa se Mitrin Vega looked like the surprise hit of the group when they demolished Starblaydia and played a marvelous game against Consortina. Two losses have set them back and now qualification is in danger. A win will secure their place in the Cup while a draw will require them to hope for Consortina not winning their match. Andossa face Loonaterian who trail behind with only four points. But even this may suffice. A victory for them, A win for Stayblaydia and a win for Orkjelstad and suddenly they would be tied for third with Kelssek and everything would come down to goal difference. It IS a longshot but they have everything to play for.
The one nation that has nothing to shoot for is Orkjelstad. With a victory they can reach 6 points but Stablaydia, Kelssek and either Loonaterian or Andossa will have at least 7 by the end of this round. So they are out already, which may be a distinct advantage for their opponents, Consortina. The team of Xiaowen Hao needs at least a draw but they will certainly require some luck since their H2H against both Starblayia and Andossa are negative and a tiebreaker against either side would be lost. But what happens in case of a three-way tie? H2H of the ‘internal tournament’ or goal difference? The regulations are not entirely clear and the ambiguity takes a toll on everybody’s nerves. At least this is what we assume from the lack of commentary we were able to extract from the coaching staff.

Kickoff: Well, the games are underway. Time to get practical with this. For now, at least, Stablaydia, Kelssek and Andossa are through.
3. And Consortina begins to mix things up a little. GOAL against Orkjelstad. With an early lead, the Consortinean team pushes itself past Andossa and Kelssek to second place in the group. The early powerplay of the team may reward itelf. Starblaydia, Consortina, Kelssek advance.
17.No, they do not. ANDOSSA scores! Andossa se Mitrin Vega is only out of contention for fourteen minutes before the youthful squad reacts and scores their first goal. This brings them level with Consortina. Both of them would advance right now, together with Starblaydia.
25. And Consortina remove themselves from the pool once again. A horrible blunder in the defense allows Orkjelstad to get three strikers clean through on goal. The resulting 1-1 removes them from the qualifying spots once again. Starblaydia, Andossa, Kelssek are the ones to advance.
40. Things may change soon for the Consortinean team but not by virtue of their own account. No, it looks like a mere matter of time until Stablaydia scores their first against Kelssek. Kelssek is put under quite a lot of pressure by their opponents. One goal against Kelssek would remove them and let Consortina advance.

Halftime: And there is the whistle. On three pitches, Loonaterian, Consortina and Starblaydia push forward to edge in a goal but so far their respective opponents hold their ground well. It may well be that we already saw all the goals this evening is going to offer.

Kickoff for the last interzonal half and WHAT A GOAL! Consortina reclaim the lead with a goal within the first few seconds. Right from the kickoff they storm forwards with three players, cutting through the Orkjelstad defense and delivering the 2-1 after merely 18 seconds. This puts them into the Cup once again, removing Kelssek in the process.
57. Kelssek has a word in this one, though. GOAL against Starblaydia. After weathering their opponents’ assault for a while, Kelssek counterattack and score a crucial goal. Now we have the unclear situation we talked about earlier where three teams are tied for 2-4. H2H tiebreaker would favor Andossa and Stablaydia but are they going to be applied. Goal difference is more in the favor of Consortina and Andossa.
62. Andossa is favored by any tiebreaker and they are about to secure their ticket. GOAL for Andossa se Mitrin Vega. 2-0 for them and judging from how routinely they are playing down the game, I dare to say that at least one finalist is certain.
70. The last few minutes will bring decision for Consortina, Kelssek and Starblaydia. Who is going to advance.
71. Not Consortina, apparently. The defense crumbles once more. Over the right wing comes Orkjelstad’s attack that delivers the equalizer once again: Consortina is out, Andossaa, Kelssek and Starblaydia move on.
75. And it comes even worse for Wildgrimson’s team. 3-2 for Orkjelstad! Beer de Shevin with a clumsy tackle inside the box that concedes a penalty. Orkjelstad don’t waste their chance and score the lead. It won’t help them in the standings but at least you have to give it to them that they are giving a fair challenge despite being out already.
80. This is not really helping Consortina, though. Their play looks apathic and uninspired. At most hey can probably hope for an equalizer and a miraculous win of Starblaydia.
85. There goes part one. Kelssek scores the 2-0. And it certainly is deserved, seeing how the team controlled the game in the last few minutes. Now a genuine miracle is needed.
90(+1). Nope, no miracles here. 4-2 for Orkjelstad. Consortina throw forward everyone and concede another goal to a simple counterattack. It was an unnecessary goal to allow but at this time, they can be forgiven for just trying ANYthing.

Full Time: And there you have it. In the end it was not as close as it looked like for most of the time. Kelssek wins the group, followed by Andossa se Mitrin Vega and Starblaydia.Orkjelstad is 4th after tiebreakers. Consortina and Loonaterian can try to console themselves with the fact that they were the only ones to not lose against the winner of the group. I doubt, it will be much consolation, though.

[Dorian and Sonya]

Unicorns Advance - Ready to Defend Title

My Queen,

Today was an important match with a very good side in the form of Cotdelapoms. It was important in the fact that we needed at least a draw to secure our place in World Cup 54. A loss could have sent us spinning into a 5 way jumble for the group lead - and who knows what could have happened if things were left up to tie-breakers.

Fortunately we will never know as the Mystical Unicorns held a very spirited Candy Apple squad to a 2-2 draw and took the group title by a single point.

It was a very hard fought match as the Candy Apples were determined to steal the three points and make their own bid at qualification. But it was not to be for them as Alura scored the leveling goal with 20 minutes left and the defense kept it that way.

The Unicorns also received some great news following the match as the new KPB rankings were released. Up two more spots to number 4. That is now the official highest ranking in our history. Number 4. Wow! I never thought that would happen.

The draw for World Cup 54 will take place tomorrow and we will be able to see exactly what Margret has in store for us as we try to defend our title.

Your humble servant,
Khyber

[Newmanistan]

(Keisler storyline will resume after the friendly period)

WHY NOT? SUCCESS IN BOSTOPIA? YES SIR!

Bostopia- The history of our great nation never would have suspected that something this successful was about to happen to our World Cup team. After the seven failed attempts at qualifying before we made our first one, coming so painfully close in all but World Cup 41. Even after the Empire first made a World Cup, they had a couple other disappointing flops in qualifying after that. Now this comeback team, after two cycles of not attempting and seeing its ranking plummet, seemed to be doomed from the start, doomed by history. No one really needed to tell our fans that making the World Cup was an impossible dream, and the big Cup being played within our region would be one we could watch, but with no national rooting interest.

It just didn’t all play out that way, and this has been a year in which Newmanistan has truly been living up to its motto of “Making the Impossible, Possible.” It started with the annexation of the former Secristan, now referred to as “Eastern Penthoria”. Then there was the amazing come from behind victory in the World Baseball Classic 17 championship series, down three games to none, and finding a way to win the next four to take that best-of-seven series. And now this. Teams that come from the Baptism of Fire are often told that they are not likely to make the World Cup in their first try and that it will be a painful process, though then we’ll tell them about nations like Bears Armed, Peisandros, or Gordon Bay City that somehow find a way to do it. Newmanistan’s pre-qualifying ranking wasn’t a whole lot better then the teams that just came out of this year’s Baptism of Fire.

Somehow, they found a way. In the zonal stage, one of the key things that occurred that had plagued our previous teams is that we didn’t drop points to teams we should have beaten to a large extent. There was a loss to Hemas, but other then that, the Rockets took two games against the nation they needed to most: Whirl Islands to sneak into that second spot. Making the interzonal was the goal, and the goal seemed to be attained, but then as we saw the field shape up, the imagination and dreams of this team began to rise. The group wasn’t nearly as tough as the interzonal that we saw contested in Newmanistan, or the brutal one in Valladares. The Rockets had seemed to catch a break, that alone something we are not used to happening in this great tournament. The draw with Delaclava set the tone, and this team never stopped playing good football. A second draw, this to Unitopolis meant that it would come down to the last day again, but this time we did just enough. The defensive efforts of the men in back, and certainly not excluding keeper Kyle Perry have been outstanding, and the team from Pays de Horreur was kept off the scoresheet. For a game with no goals, it was an entertaining affair, and not just because of the antics of keeper Orangutan Vernazza over the course of the match. Pays de Horreur had an interesting roster, but one that collapsed under the pressure during the second half. Newmanistan, knowing they could play keep-away with the score still drawn in the final ten minutes, did just that.

When the final whistle blew, tears of jubilation were seen on the faces of Rockets fans that attended the game. Most of them had been through the painful failed qualifications and the even more bitter period of not even attempting to qualify. They weren’t supposed to make the final field of 32, simply on their history alone.

Somehow, they found a way. The Babbage Islands and Cassadaigua will put on a great show, but they will have some regional company. The Rockets have qualified for the World Cup! Say that over and over many times. It sure feels good, doesn’t it?

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Adventures in Queer Poco el Mono Ara: the Diary of a Notorious Witch

Deep in the recesses of the pyramid, I had found King Ahmuktahran. His face was long and gray, and his features were tired. There in his eyes, however, there still burned a passion of some kind; either it was anger or grief, but I could not tell which. He seemed utterly unsurprised at my arrival, which was odd, I thought.

"Baba Yaga, legend of the Slavic world. Protector of time but slayer of children. I knew you would make it here. I was right. My servants' ghosts could not stop you."

"Emperor?"

"Once they called me that," he said with what sounded like abject bitterness. "But now I am but a spirit, only here to protect the treasures that should have been sealed in my tomb forever."

I looked around the large chamber as the flames behind me ceased. There were inscriptions upon the walls all around, some in ancient languages which I understood, but others in a tongue long since lost to all mankind. Detailed hieroglyphs and paintings lined the walls as well, their paint faded but their messages preserved, whatever they were.

"I have foreseen your arrival," said King Ahmuktahran sadly, "and I know what you have come here to do. I will try to stop you; but whether I can defeat you or not I do not know. The future is unclear."

"That is unusual, dear Emperor," I whispered, "for I do not know why I have come here myself. Visions led me here, visions which I recognize but do not understand."

"No?" At least the king seemed surprised at something I had said or done. "Well, no matter. If you manage to defeat me, if I fail to stop you, you will understand what you have come for. Your greed will guide you like the wolf leads his pack," he mused darkly.

"My greed? Dear king, I have no greed. My concerns are of moral nature..."

"That is a lie," he spat irritably. "What of your diet of children, when it costs families their offspring? What of your hermitage in the woods, when your power to do good is wasted on isolation? Is that not greed?"

"I hide myself because of the fear I wreak upon the ordinary," I answered defensively. "Were the plebeians of the world not so ignorant, were they not so fearful, I would not have been cast into life as an outcast. And," I added with vigorous anger, "far be it for you to judge me as a hermit, when here you have waited for any trespasser with your legions of lackeys."

"I am trapped here, forced to guard the riches buried with my corpse in my sarcophagus because the local Pocoans will not. Look at them, leading groups of apathetic tourists through my grave! Wouldn't you stay to guard what is yours?"

"No," I responded hotly. "I would bequeath my possessions to the common good and break the surly bonds of earth, not languish upon it in defense of things that meant nothing to me."

"Easily said by an immortal," answered King Ahmuktahran. "Though my foresight told me you were powerful, it did not tell me you were a fool. Perhaps I have a chance to defeat you after all."

And with those words, the walls of the chamber seemed to shrink, and a great demon rose from within the floor, apparently summoned by the king. Colored all in red and black, horned like a bull, and with the fury of a thousand feeding sharks, the thing came at me with its unspeakable claws bared. I immediately cast a shield spell in the hopes that I could at least keep it at bay for a moment. From my pocket I pulled a rare salve that I use only in emergencies, and I rubbed it upon my skin to protect myself.

The demon broke through my shield and raked its vicious claws across my face. I could feel blood that had never before been spilt drip down from my wrinkled chin. I could feel the poisons seep through my veins. But I was hardly vanquished.

I am capable of a summoning spell or two myself. With a flick of my wrist there descended upon the demon an endless flock of gigantic vultures, pecking and biting it. Though its target was obviously still me, the creature was distracted enough that I was able to cast a spell that I had been developing for some time, but had never used. From the fingers of my hand there at once there burst out a great chain of fiery plasma, so hot and dangerous that it was impossible to look at without burning one's retinas. The chain whipped the demon upon its face and arms, angering it. The beast came upon me with more vigor even as the bright red string of light assaulted it.

But I lowered my arm and focused as I had never before, remembering a sorcery that an elderly African warlock had once told me of. From within the locked chambers of my consciousness I unwrapped a gentleness which I could under no circumstances before had I ever summoned. A great peace fell upon me and upon all in the world which I gazed upon, and it seemed that a gentle snow had suddenly dusted everything in the room. The demon convulsed, unable to withstand the peace that had penetrated whatever soul it had. It collapsed upon the floor dead. The gentle snow fell from nowhere upon its corpse and the now-docile vultures sat upon it, seeming to comfort and caress it now that it had passed on.

Unsure whether the battle was over, however, I unleashed from my eyes a barrage of pitchfork-like objects which hurtled forth and pinned King Ahmuktahran's ghostly body to the wall. He looked back at me forlornly.

"So," he muttered. "My visions were true. You were always destined to defeat me."

I walked cautiously toward him. "It was never my objective to come here and fight you, Emperor. I came here merely out of curiosity, I assure you."

"Yes, well... curiosity shall not be what guides you when you pry back the sealed stone of my sarcophagus."

I turned to look at the great stone coffin, the thousands-years old face of the king carved unmistakably upon it. He was right, I had to see what was inside, but I genuinely had no idea what to expect. With as much strength as I could muster, I lifted the stone lid and gazed down at the sarcophagus' contents.

The skeleton of the king was the least remarkable thing in there. The coffin was laden with sparkling gold chains, finely cut jewels, and perfectly circular pearls, all of which glinted lasciviously at me as I stared down.

"You see?" the still-pinned ancient king said from the corner malevolently. "As I foresaw, your lust for wealth is insatiable. Take it and go. Spend the profits of your plunder on whatever selfish ends you can imagine; I am beaten."

And he was right. The treasure inside was irresistible, surely worth fortunes. Before my eyes flashed the possibilities: my mansion in a paradise, my collection of art, my armies conquering every continent. I could not leave the riches here in this tomb.

"Take them and go, you terrible woman," said the king. "You masquerade as a figure of moral ambivalence, but you are easy to comprehend when your true colors show. You are in fact the evil witch the people of your culture fear you to be."

"I never claimed to be anything but," I spat, reaching down into the sarcophagus and snatching up armfuls of treasure. I shoved what felt like tons of the booty into my magical bag, but even with the sack's powers of self-levitation it felt like I was carrying a dozen cinderblocks. The king only watched me in disgust as I hungrily defaced his grave.

Having at last collected all the riches of the king's coffin, I turned to go, looking back at the old emperor for a moment.

"You may hate me for what I have done, but in the end this shall set you free," I said authentically.

Outside the pyramid, the tour group I had ditched earlier was nowhere to be found, which was good because I had slung over my shoulder immense treasures that surely were the legal property of the Pocoan government. I couldn't possibly stay here with it; eventually the authorities would discover what I had done and come after me. My tenure as the coach of the Federation's national team was over, I reckoned, and I resolved upon the spot to notify the team's captain that I would be absent for our final two interzonal games, and indeed for all future games.

It was a terrible thing for me to do; leave the team with two crucial games still ahead of them, games which would determine whether they went to the World Cup or not. But it was time for me to indeed be selfish, and at last I had in my possession the riches to shake from my existence life as an hermetic witch.

So I snapped a finger and within a minute or two one of my faithful geese came careening out of the desert's darkness with its leg outstretched. I hastily scribbled a note for the captain of the team, Boris Timriz. He would be in charge as a player manager until the KPFA announced a successor to me. The geese took the note in its talons and flew off into the night sky, bound for the resort where the team were now all surely asleep.

I slung the bag of treasure over my shoulder once more and lept atop my broom. Now I was off to new things, whatever they might be...

* * * A week later * * *

I descended from a fluffy white cloud in joy. The broom beneath me seemed lighter than air itself. I even let myself smile a bit. I had made it home.

After a week of lurking about the seediest black-market pawn shops the world could offer, I had finally made it home. The treasure had been worth millions; yet I had spent it all in one place and didn't feel the least bit bad about it.

The white mist broke before my eyes as I descended further and at last saw home: my odd but beloved chicken-legged hut. It had been too long.

But there was something very out of place. Though I could see the ordinary things, things that I would expect to see down around my house, such as my skull-laden fence and my loyal flock of geese, there were unwanted guests standing upon the light snow in my front yard; twenty-three of them.

The players of the national team had gathered outside my hut to greet me as I arrived home. As they saw me landing, they began to clap and cheer.

"Hello," I said awkwardly to them all. I had abandoned them in Queer Poco el Mono Ara and was sure that they had not fully forgiven me. "Vasilisa, I imagine you showed them all the way here," I asked the squad's grinning number thirteen.

"Yes, Babushka," she said with the same kind innocence I had seen in her eyes when she had been been a sixteen-year-old upon my doorstep.

"And Boris, did you get my letter?" I asked the captain.

"I did, Babushka," Timriz said with a grin, his short sandy hair shining in the sun.

"I heard that you managed to make it to the World Cup without me," I offered to the group as a whole, for it was true, the newspapers were abuzz with the news of the Federation's shock qualification and I had read the stories.

"Yes, Babushka," said Charha Chadi with his intense but zealously happy brown eyes. "But we missed you."

"So tell me," I asked with genuine curiosity. "I read the papers and I saw the scores: one nil over Eastfield Lodge and nil nil versus Qazox; what did you change tactically without me around?"

"Not much, to be honest," answered Aquillius Razava. "Boris mainly kept your tactics in terms of second-half aggressiveness. He encouraged us to be a little more cautious in defense, which is probably why we only scored one but never conceded. But then, Boris is a centre half..." he added with a grin.

There was an awkward silence as the twenty three players all stared at me with sheepish grins on their faces. I didn't know what they were doing outside my hut, and wasn't sure if they knew either.

"So," I said, "what brings all of you out here?"

"We came here because we unanimously agreed upon something, Babushka," said Timriz, who I noticed for the first time was the only one of the twenty-three sitting down; the reports of his serious injury were true. "We want you to manage us when we go to the World Cup finals."

"No," I said fervently, "I told you, I'm done. I've resigned. It's time for new things."

"Babushka, look," said Chaya Vuhumkara sternly. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that you have taught us too much to leave now." It was unlike the usually very self-centered striker to offer such praise, and I looked at him in surprise.

"I cannot offer a response to that," I said. "But what I can say is that I have heard what all of you did during the two games I was gone. You battled through, proving that the Federation's team is more than the sum of its parts. You do not need a manager at all. You have yourselves."

I stared at all of them, confused at the pride I felt. I am no teacher. Baba Yaga's role in the universe is at best as a donor; one who helps protagonists in minor ways. But here I was before these twenty three men and women who had accomplished something so unlikely, so astonishing that I was on the verge of tears.

Luckily, Fušia Oujadda did something that she had become notorious in the dressing room for doing: making a very humurous but very off-topic remark.

"Babushka, what do you think of the stuff that Koschei the Deathless said about you after he played in goal for the Holy Empire?" she asked in her usual comedic deadpan.

"Oh, that old fossil," I said with a glimmer in my eye. "He's the most overrated spectre on the face of the earth. All you have to do is find his soul, which is in a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in an iron chest on the island of Buyan, and then he's not so 'Deathless' anymore."

They laughed. But there was still a bittersweet feeling in the air, and I knew I would have to tell them that I was not coming back. They did not know what I had done or what I had done with the money made from the treasure. Nor did I want them to know.

"Look, Babushka," Vasilisa the Beautiful spoke up. "We understand that something happened out there at the pyramid. We don't know what and we don't care what. And we understand your point that we only need ourselves to be successful at the World Cup. Maybe you're right. But all we know is that there was once a time when you were eager to take that seat in the dugout; when you asked me to help you get it. Do you remember?"

I did. I looked back in my memory to the Baptism of Fire that Kagdazka had been involved in as a lone state, before the union with Pazhujebu. I had taken the managerial job during that tournament with Vasilisa's help.

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, remember again. Even if it's just for three games in the group stage, remember again. Because this is the chance of a lifetime. Come back to coach us. Please, Babushka," begged Vasilisa with her usual earnestness.

I paused for a moment. There would be a time to revel in the expenditure of my newfound but ill-begotten fortune soon. There was no rush, however, and the opportunity to manage a World Cup squad, Vasilisa was right, was a chance that came but once in a lifetime.

"Boris," I told the wheelchair-bound captain, "you'll be my assistant for the tournament proper while you recover from your injury. Draw up some charts..."

[The Babbage Islands]

Notice of World Cup 54 Live Draw

The breakdown of qualifying pots for the draw is posted. Pots are based on post-qualifying KPB ranks. Thanks go out to Aguazul for quick help in updating the rankings.

The draw will be live on IRC at 1300 US Central/1900 UTC.

Code: Select all

/server irc.esper.net
/join #nssport

The scorination for MD1 will be on Tuesday morning, February 8. Rounds proceed every other day to conclusion, except that the third place match takes place on the day in between the semifinals and final. The World Cup final scorinates on the morning of Sunday, February 20.

MD1: Tuesday, February 8
MD2: Thursday, February 10
MD3: Saturday, February 12

Second Round: Monday, February 14
Quarterfinals: Wednesday, February 16
Semifinals: Friday, February 18
Third Place Match: Saturday, February 19, at Concord Heights Stadium, Concord Heights, Cassadaigua, scorinated by Cassadaigua
Final: Sunday, February 20, at Whitecliff Stadium, Dover, Cayley, TBI, scorinated by The Babbage Islands

For reference: The Babbage Islands is preseeded into Group A, position 1, and Cassadaigua is preseeded into Group E, position 1.
Groups A-D take place in The Babbage Islands for RP purposes, but are scorinated by Cassadaigua.
Groups E-H take place in Cassadaigua for RP purposes, but are scorinated by The Babbage Islands.

[Cassadaigua]

We've got some post-qualifying friendlies to cutoff, so let's do that now.

Results

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

World's Pawn Shops Flooded with Ancient Pocoan Artifacts

Charhethukha Banechvinu - Priceless treasures of the ancient Monolithian civilization have begun to appear on the global antiques black market. Presumably, they were stolen from one of the pyramids in western Queer Poco el Mono Ara and though investigations have begun in an effort to discover who the thief was, little progress has been made. Experts have told the Herald that the net value of the artifacts is north of 55 million USD, or over 147 million rubliyals. The Pocoan government has yet to speak on the issue, though it is likely that if the grave robber is found to have been a foreign national, a diplomatic row could begin.

Anonymous Donor Gives Millions to Fund for MSMT

Issu Dakeh - The fund which primarily draws its proceeds from the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy international football tournament is this morning 55 million dollars to the richer. An anonymous benefactor has evidently offered up the hefty load of cash in an effort to support the fund's primary goal of cancer research. Officials at the fund have heretofore refused to release any information to the public about the identity of the philanthropist behind the gift, though it is possible that he or she is a citizen of the Federation, which would of course make us here at the Herald extremely proud.

Qualified!

Qichechumadia Zhabi - No one would have dared to predict it, but the Federation is still celebrating: the Purple Sea Urchins (or Wisteria and Green, as they are known over in Kagdazka) are among the 32 teams headed for Cassadaigua and the Babbage Islands for the World Cup 54 finals. A win over Eastfield Lodge on the fourth matchday of the Queer Poco el Mono Ara interzonal was enough to make Kagdazka and Pazhujebu's last game against Qazox purely perfunctory, though their performance against Thomas Holtz's side was impressive, at least defensively speaking. The draw for the finals is forthcoming, scheduled for later today.

Timriz Out, Baba Yaga Back

Qichechumadia Zhabi - After two matches absent from the Federation national team's dugout, Babushka has returned. Her brief disappearance and rumored resignation had been a major topic of discussion as the Urchins closed out the interzonal, but all that is evidently water under the bridge now. Meanwhile, a serious injury to the squad's newly named captain, Boris Timriz, is set to keep the Therakham (formerly Angels) centre half out for the entirety of the finals. He will, however, travel with the team, as Baba Yaga has asked him to be her understudy and assistant. During the finals, Šušan'ikara Ghur will wear the armband in Timriz's stead, just as he did for the old Pazhujeb Islands team long, long ago.

Final Matches Before Departure for Finals Complete

Qichechumadia Zhabi - The Urchins have drawn with Andossa Se Mitrin Vega in Urajbina and beaten Rejistania in KaMaRi in two friendlies. The former was billed as a send-off for the national team, as it was the Federation's last home game before the start of the World Cup tournament proper, while the latter was described by media organizations as more of a tune-up. Amid thunderous applause from the proud home fans for the team's shock entry into football's most prestigious event, the ASMV match saw the Urchins take the lead via a lengthy Vuhumkara cannonball, but the Vegans took the lead shortly after with two goals of their own. Luckily, a second-half penalty was taken with aplomb by Ghur and the resulting draw gave Kagdazka and Pazhujebu a tie for third place in the Publisher's Cup. The Rejistania match was in many ways a less convincing performance despite the better result, as three sendings off (two for the Federation, one for Rejistania) had occurred by the 62nd minute, making the action on the pitch rather chaotic and not particularly elegant. Luckily, there was nothing inelegant about substitute Peregrina Thašighi's 85th minute goal, as she dribbled her way through a thicket of Rejistanian defenders to slot home a beauty and snatch an unlikely nine-man away victory.

[Khytenna]

Khytenna makes World Cup!!!
Khytenna: 2
Testerman 60th
Carmichael 88th

Jalanat: 1
Nakamura 23rd

Reporter John Dark.
Khytenna made history last night, qualifying for there first ever world cup, it was all all thanks to to Firestone making a pass under pressure in the last minutes of the game
It was however Jalanet that got the first goal of the game in the first half, García got a break in to box and chiped it over the keeper, it was going wide but Nakamura was there to head the ball into the net for the first goal, it looked as Khytenna’s Luck was about to run up, the team was disappointed with the goal and seemed to be playing on the back foot for the rest of the half, the half ended 1-0.

Coach Proctor must of given some encouraging words in the break as they came back strong, Thorne smashed the ball at goal and hit the crossbar in the 5 minute of the new half, he showed that Khytenna weren’t going down without a fight. The six islands got the levelling Goal from a corner, Pittenger crossed the ball in to the box, and Testerman rose to head the ball at the left post which bounced in to the goal on the hour, the Khytenna crowd when nuts as goal was scored! Khytenna where back and where looking to be on that plane to the World Cup, and the fans new it. It was however The last goal that sealed there place, Firestone broke from the defense with the ball and charged towards goal with the keeper advancing towards him and Honda hanging of him, he in the last minute passed backwards where a charging Carmichael received the ball and the Goal was wide open he powered the shot home, the Khytennans rose and the nose was thunderous, the players and subs ran on to the pitch and where jumping for joy, Khytenna had done it, and there was no way that Jalanat couldn’t do much to stop that.

When the final whistle when, the score board read out what the crowd new

“Khytenna Qualify for the World Cup 54”

The Celebrations in the middle of the pitch was heart warming, an achievement that the whole country will be happy about!

Kings Cup 1


Khytenna 0-1 Cosumar

For the first Kings cup was a fantastic day for both sides, even thought Khytenna lost and King Blaze had to present the Cosumar the cup, because both sides had qualified for the first time so moral was High and it looked like both sides where having a good time playing and it was stil very competitive and entertaining to watch. The only goal came from Rincon from what was a fantastic free kick in the second half. His majesty King Blaze made a good speech before the presenting the cup, after thanking both sides for a fantastic game he said that “I hope the next time our two great nations meet it will not be the next Kings Cup, but in the World Cup Final” this had a great response for the crowd.