World Cup 98 | RP thread

[Doubeia]

Part 1

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"Fuck off, man!" Creed Lyapunov had missed a shot at training.

"You missed a sitter, man. I think you need to fuck off here," the goalie retorted. Life was not going swimmingly for Creed. Not even a month ago he was kicked out of the Fajar Nike academy, and now he was on thin ice at Red Square.

"Come on Creed, chin up!" his coach shouted at him, calling for him to continue his shooting drill. At that moment, however, Creed was seriously wondering if it was worth it to even pursue a footballing career. His mind was an unconfident mess as he was passed the ball. He shot. Wide.

"Creed," his coach called as he walked over, "You need to have more composure when taking your shots. In a real game, you can't have your mind elsewhere, otherwise defenders are going to take advantage of you. You need to know your next move. Focus on the ball and where you want it to go, baam. Shoot it. Got it?" The coach didn't wait for an answer as he walked away promptly. It didn't take long before yet another ball landed at Creed's foot.

"Okay, Creed," Creed instructed himself mentally, "Just focus, and shoot. Don't. Be. Distra—" He saw the goalie blow a raspberry at him, and it was all over. That goalie was a bully. If he missed the shot, the goalie would yammer on about how Creed was shit. If he missed the shot, the goalie would call all his friends and laugh at his face. If he missed the shot—

He missed the shot. He almost tripped over the ball as it pitifully went wide past the near post. Creed turned away from the goal instantly, knowing what was to come.

"Yeah, come and fucking talk to me with 'I'm the best striker' crap, yeah?" the goalie shouted, "Pussy ass bitch!" Creed refused to acknowledge the comment. He regretted ever making enemies with some of the youth players, but he just couldn't stand them. Bunch of guy teens, fooling around, acting like the biggest lads in town. Throwing gang signs and acting like they're in one when they'd be the first to pussy out when a gang actually confronted them. Creed hated the irony. Did these guys even live up to their tough facade?

Soon after the training ended, Creed was confronted by the goalie's gooners. Well, perhaps ambushed was a better word.

"Still talking shit?" one of them sneered.

"We've got connections, you know?" another added on. Creed turned around.

"Well I can call my dad and uncles. They'll show you and your connections something," he threatened with a lie. In truth, Creed knew neither his dad nor his uncles cared about him, other than when he eventually made it big. They'd probably pretend they were with him all along when in fact they helped him zilch.

"No one cares about your dad and uncles, you hear me?" the goalie menacing sauntered to Creed while cracking his knuckles, "You're outnumbered six to one, and if we call others..." The sentence didn't even need to be completed but Creed knew what was coming. He found himself surrounded by the six as they stared him down in contempt.

"Talk your shit, boy. I've got you on tape," one of the guys held out a recording device. Creed didn't let out a word.

"Scared now?" another taunted.

"I've the right to remain silent," Creed rebutted.

"Going nerd, aren't we?"

"Look Creed, if you aren't going to admit to what you said last week, we're gonna have to teach you a lesson," the goalie browbeat. Creed wouldn't say anything, though. His dignity wouldn't let him.

"Come on, I already said I took back my words," Creed argued.

"Apology?"

"I'm not gonna apologise to you cunts," Creed spat. He received a sharp slap on the face.

"Say that again?" the goalie provoked. Creed didn't even let a syllable out before his other cheek was slapped as well.

"Any more?" Silence ensued. Creed was reeling from the humiliation of being ganged up on and slapped, all while being recorded.

"Just let me fucking go." Creed couldn't help but betray a pleading tone as he looked at the six in pain and annoyance.

"Nuh-uh. You are not. Especially not with what you said just now. Look, I'm going to call my boys now," the goalie mocked as he whipped out his cellphone, "And you're gonna die." He ended his sentence with the most devilish snicker, and his other minions all joined along in laughter. For a moment, Creed's life flashed before his eyes. This was the absolute worst situation to be in. All alone, outnumbered, and about to be pummeled like a punching bag. He had only witness such a scene happen to someone else, but it was horrific enough to scar his memories. He remembered what the poor guy looked like after it had all ended: almost dead, a broken mess, and an unsightly creature. He ended up being blind in one eye and paralysed from the legs down. Was Creed about to follow in his footsteps?

Creed's ear picked up on the beeping of the goalie's celly as he dialed some number. Was he calling those "connections" he had mentioned earlier? It didn't seem safe to even be there anymore. Creed listened to the phone ringing as the goalie awaited a response. It didn't take long for one to come.

"Hey, Andy? Yeah, we got this small bitch over here. He just insulted me and called me a retard—"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yeah, you gotta come settle this man, I—"

Creed took off immediately. He had enough of listening to that conversation and delaying his escape. He shoved past the cronies as he sprinted as fast as he could. He heard laughter behind him, characteristic of a pack of hungry hyenas.

"You better run 'cuz we're gonna catch you!" one of them shouted. The catcalling soon became inaudible as Creed made sure to run as far away as possible.

Creed jay-ran streets. He bumped into myriads of people. He knocked over food carts. He left a trail of mess behind him, but he didn't care. He had a one-track mind, and escape was the name of the song. Slowly, as he ran, the landscape around him changed. It evolved from a middle-class suburb, to rundown industrial buildings, and then some nice, shady foliage and gardens. It didn't take him long before he ended up at the bridge that would lead him to downtown Queensland. It was a place he'd never been to before, and for good reason. The shopping district, financial parks, historical monuments... they were all far too "civilised" and "high-class" for a pleb like him. He had nothing in Doubeia's capital city, other than his good-for-nothing dad and uncles. All they did was deal contrabands and fuck hookers in their home. Hell, Creed had to stay with them, and he probably smelt like weed and love.

Creed was worried that he would be judged, shunned, and shooed from downtown, but he also had a certain curiosity. What was Queensland like for the average person? For the average Doubeinese who had a good income, a comfortable life, and a secure family? Perhaps downtown was a gate into another life, and immediately he couldn't shirk off his inquisitiveness. He took a step on the History Bridge, and made his way into the heart of Doubeia.

Upon crossing the bridge, Creed realised he wasn't in Doubeia anymore. He wasn't in the Doubeia he recognised. The buildings looked not dilapidated but instead well-kept. The streets were bustling with people as shops lined the boulevard he was standing on. He began walking down the boulevard. It was his first window-shopping experience. The products on sale were of a quality he'd never seen before. You were telling him that people casually wore these outfits? If he had them, he'd save them only for the finest of occasions! He continued walking down, observing both the shops and people. Some restaurants looked familiar, but others seemed to come from a different universe. Along the street were numerous cars, all of them sleek and shiny in design. The trees had blossoms that bloomed a pretty pink as the leaves shone green.

Creed walked on, and soon found himself at a traffic crossing. In the middle of the road was a large statue. It looked like a ship and some people. Who were they? Creed was confused, but very impressed. He would find more of these statues around the area as he encroached into the Arts district. There, street art and museums reigned supreme as the architecture was one Creed had never seen. The financial district was chock full of businesspeople going about their busy days as they crowded the many office buildings in the area. Creed, at that point, wished he could be one of them: busy with a real purpose with their lives. What was he doing, meanwhile? Aimlessly wandering around an unfamiliar city?

Creed splurged his entire wallet on food. He bought some of the best, most delectable street food he'd the privilege of ever eating, and strolled around the city like a tourist. In a way, he kind of was one; the conurbation he hailed from might as well be excluded from Queensland. He made his way to the beach. He'd seen beaches in his hometown, but this was a new experience. He could see many people taking a stroll around, and as the sun set, the various bars started to gain traction. He himself walked to a pier and admired the sea view. Creed had dropped out of school years ago, but he remembered what Doubeia looked like on a map, and when he looked into the open water, he knew there was nothing ahead of him. It was a surreal feeling, to realise that he was staring into nothingness. In a way, it was comforting. He wished his life was more laidback like that. Imagine being able to enjoy the sunset while looking into the wide ocean. It'd feel nice, but it simply was a luxury Creed couldn't enjoy.

Creed went around and explored some more of the city. He took a look at the metro stations; he'd never seen metro trains before. He looked at how the bright office lights illuminated the never-sleeping city. It was too bright for his liking, but he could get used to it. As he journeyed on, Creed had been devising a plan in his mind.

One, he would never go back to that god forsaken academy. Not when those goons were still there. Two, he would try to find a job downtown. Three, he would work until he could afford a cheap apartment in the city, and then leave his dad and uncles. He didn't mind giving up football if it meant he could live in what was practically a utopia for him.

Still, all of his thoughts were pure conjecture, and it'd take ages for him to even get close to achieving his goals. For now, he was just a 15-year-old dropout with minimal allowance from his mom who lived in a different city. He felt bad for his mom and sister. He left them at Fajar to pursue football at Queensland. He hoped they would forgive him. However, seeking his mom's forgiveness was the least of worries for Creed as he had to find out how to go home.

Creed didn't have a watch, but judging by how high the moon was up, it was quite late. Creed walked about for a while before realising that he was lost.

He was lost. Lost in a city that he didn't know.

Forget about all his idealistic dreams, he had to find out how to even get home in the first place. He looked at all the people walking about, going about their day — or night. He wished he could be like them, but alas he was a poor, smelly teenage boy. He contemplated asking for directions, but he didn't want them to think of him as a "lowly boy who lived in Queensland's worst suburb". He didn't want to taint their "high-class" status. Miraculously, Creed's walking led him to a bus terminal. Operations seemed closed, and when he took a look at the clock there, he was shocked to learn that it was already 1.30 in the morning. Thankfully, there was someone at the counter.

"Hello, may I ask how much the tickets are to Barrachukville?" He asked in as polite of a tone as he could master.

"Sorry kid, but we don't have night buses. We do have a bus there at 9.30 morning. That'll be 55 gin," the old receptionist replied. Creed counted the money in his wallet. 65 gin, just a little more than enough. Creed thanked the receptionist and contemplated his next move. Creed's burning curiosity asked him to explore more of the city at night, but his rational side advised himself to stay at the terminal until the bus came. Creed's fatigue was building up, so he decided to kill two birds with one stone by sleeping at the terminal. It wasn't as if his dad would care. He was probably doing someone else right then. Creed walked to the berth where his bus would be. There was conveniently a bench there. He laid down on it and slept like a king.

Until he was interrupted.

He was awoken by some lady. She looked around his mom's age.

"Hey, boy, why're you here alone?" she asked in curiosity.

"Waiting for the bus," he politely replied.

"Did you not get home in time?" she asked. He shook his head.

"Oh, poor thing. Well, you're lucky because I've a car I could send you home with," the lady cooed as she pointed to a black car sitting at a distance, "Just tell me where you live, honey."

"Uhh, there's no need," Creed declined as he grew more uncomfortable.

"Aww, it's alright honey, your parents must be worried, aren't they?" Creed wished they were.

"It's okay ma'am. I don't have school tomorrow, and my parents are away right now. I have enough money for the bus anyway," Creed tried to explain himself out of the situation but to no avail. As the conversation continued on, the woman seemed ever insistent on bringing Creed to her home since his parents were out. Why did she want him to follow her so badly? Her persistence started to creep Creed out, and even if she was being genuine, Creed didn't want to wake up dead, so he quickly picked up his things and made a run for it. He didn't hear what the lady was saying, but all he knew was he wasn't going to take the bus back home.

Creed was, once again, wandering around in downtown. It had to be the wee hours of morning at that point; he could see slivers of the sunrise in the sky. Creed paid no heed to the street signs, but miraculously, he ended up at the bridge where he started: History Bridge. He knew the way back from History Bridge, although immediate worries included getting mugged at 4 in the morning. Creed waited the sunrise out before finally starting to make his move back home. As he trundled back, his mind wandered all over the place, but it was especially fixated on that plan he had. He didn't know whether he needed an education to even find a job, but surely desperate shops would accept a 15-year-old with no responsibilities, wouldn't they? He wouldn't bother with football anymore. To him, it was a cul-de-sac. A road that led to nothing. Why go down that path when he could continue straight on the road to happiness and success?

All of Creed's envisioning about his future in downtown Doubeia would end soon, however, when he made it to the doorstep of his trashy house. Even from the front door he could see trash strewn all over the front yard. The distinct cacophony of lovemaking penetrated the walls and into Creed's ear. He took a big breath and sighed as he opened the door to his house.

Creed had never been so desperate to start his plan.

[Grand Exultia]

Well of course now the players start playing for something, don’t know whether they’re playing for pride or that now the pressure is off they can do what we expect of them but we finish our qualifying campaign with an unbeaten pair of matchdays firstly with a home draw against Reçueçn then a dominant victory away to Libesia. Just enough of a performance to lift us into sixth in the group, still no threat to the qualifiers or playoffs being twelve and eleven points off respectively.

Our first game against Reçueçn saw a starting lineup return to a semblance of the original lineup of Elenion, Galadrieth, Steiner, Grosslaufer, Daskruger, Greenfeather, Reichjaeger, Gillyflower, Starkzahn, Vielener and Brambleberry. A noticeable change in the middle of the park as both the Zerynthia double take a well-deserved breather and avoid playing in the dead rubbers. The absence of Thoth-manon is an interesting one, perhaps looking to shore up the defence a bit more with a more defensive minded full back in Galadrieth rather than the near wing back in Thoth-manon, a threat going forward but susceptible to errors at the back. Well Apollinaris’ decisions worked, a stoic defence stood and weathered the Reçueçn assault, firing back sporadically, normally with a long ball brought down by the giant that is Vielener and setting up one the forwards to have a pop and test Firaut but every time they did it was equally met, Firaut making that goal seem remarkably small. A couple of well placed blocks for both Steiner and Grosslaufer showed their rotation did them well as they came back with an invigorated display to combat the Reçueçn forwards with well timed blocks and some rather aggressive challenges just letting them know these defenders meant business. A back and forth exchange endured for the rest of the half, more back than forth for the Exultians as they were pushed backs to the wall but they endured till the half.

Little to change for the second half and rightly so, one of the better performances if we could have just found the back of the net but otherwise a performance that if replicated earlier in the comp would have seen us qualifying I’m sure. Elenion was tested a lot in the second half but was equal to everything, a few close calls that saw them scrambling across the goal to tip round a post or the bar but otherwise nothing too scary. A well earned draw against a much stronger opponent, clearly lifted by the home supporters demonstrates what we can achieve on this multiversal stage, now we just need to make it consistent.

This was immediately followed by a blowout victory traveling to the nation of Libesia, a 4-0 win demonstrated everything the Exultious team has been building towards, solid defensive work limiting opposition forwards to a few chances and then capitalising on mistakes and sustained moments of pressure to find opportunities to take the lead and ultimately canter to victory with some timely finishing. An early finish from Reichjaeger put the visitors in front, a quick attack down the left saw Starkzahn putting pressure on the Libesian fullback, attacking the by-line, faking the cross and cutting back to lay the ball off to the edge of the box and Reichjaeger finished with aplomb to side foot the ball into the near top corner. Momentum remained with the Gyrinxes as they pressed forward looking to establish a dominant lead and of course it was Brambleberry who would demonstrate their killer talent further by clinically bringing down a high ball, stopping it dead, turning round one defender using the outside of their boot, a quick shift to roll the ball between their feet wrong footed the next defender and finished with a rasping effort just inside the keepers far post. 2-0 up and definitely in control of this game their was no way the Exultious players would let this slip and though they didn’t extend the lead further before the half it was some more positive play that was desperately needed and exactly what the supporters had been screaming for.

The second half would see the Exultious players camping in the Libesian half never looking too troubled and allowing the defence to push further and further forward. A tactical substitute saw Thoth-manon replace Galadrieth and with their first play of the game would see Thoth-manon collect a pass from Steiner moving forward into the gap forming as the Libesians tracked the runners and release an unstoppable effort as the ball seemed to swerve one way then the other leaving the keeper helpless. As the game drew to a close it was the recently substituted Nebenfeld that would add the cherry to the Exultious cake that would see the team finish 4-0 victors, in a game of splendid finishes so far Nebenfeld was rather mundane just being in the right place at the right time to guide the ball into the net as it lands at their feet after a corner bounced around with neither team able to get a firm grasp on the ball.

A bittersweet finish, positivity marred by a disappointment at not qualifying. A tall ask for any nation on their debut and one we shouldn’t have thought possible really.

[Mertagne]

CERIDWEN II MISSION UNDERGOES 'CATASTROPHIC FAILURE' DURING FINAL TESTING PHASE
Test launch procedure at Threefriends ends in explosive failure, likely to set mission back years
Threefriends, Harridan, MERTAGNE-- A test launch procedure of the Ceriden II mission has ended in a 'complete catastrophic failure' according to mission control at ARISE, after a failure in the ignition shutdown mechanism caused the ship to enter a 'runaway fuel burn' that resulted in the destruction of the fuel tanks and the main thrust module of the vessel.

The test, one of the final stages of preparation for the illustrious and much-anticipated pan-Anaian mission to the moon, was conducted at Threefriends Space Launch Station in Harridan, Mertagne, and was intended to simulate the final launch procedure to be undergone by the Ceridwen II mission prior to launch. The test was conducted unmanned, as many of the ships systems were able to be triggered remotely by mission control, however the remote failure of the ignition shutdown mechanism before the rocket had been released from the launch gantry caused the rocket to ignite and burn through its entire fuel supply in a matter of seconds, melting the underlying gantry, lighting up the launch ditches and causing a significant explosion which damaged the fuel tanks, the thrust module, and the gantry beyond repair.

Senior sources at ARISE and the subsidiary Mertagnian Space Corps have confirmed that the control module, a Sylestonean national, was unharmed in the incident as they had full autonomy over their own emergency release systems, and was able to safely detach using the helium-powered decoupling mechanism and safely land several hundred metres away from the explosion. The control module has been taken into custody by the Mertagnian authorities for maintenance, repair, and counselling, and is likely to make a full recovery to return to the mission in the future.

The Ceridwen II mission, which was set to launch in the coming weeks and journey to the moon to spend one month assessing the feasibility of using lunar materials to create a permanent pan-Anaian moon base, will now likely be delayed by several years while ARISE rebuild the main rocket and retest the launch procedure. Luckily, the human crew component remained unharmed during the incident, as they were stationed in mission control at the time of the test observing the control of the remote systems. Furthermore, the landing site, for the mission, which sits near the Moon's south pole, will not be in the optimum position for a launch for at least six months, meaning that the mission will likely be delayed until the next applicable launch window.

The Coordinator of the project, Holden Achatus of the Mertagnian Space Corps, has released a statement in which he has said that the incident was 'incredibly unlucky' and that everyone involved with the Ceridwen II mission will 'successfully transfer to working hard on the Ceridwen III, using the lessons learned from the development process of the Ceridwen II to ensure that the ensuing mission is a success'. A 'robust and comprehensive' investigation into the incident is underway by ARISE, and the results are likely to be published in the following weeks. However, given the obvious nature of the failure, it is likely that the investigation will focus on the ignition shutdown mechanism and the remote control systems that were in place at the time of the test, and whether the failure was a result of a mechanical fault or a human error. In the event of the former, it is likely that the failsafe mechanisms will need to be revisited to avoid this incident in the future.

In reaction to this news, the wider internet has been ablaze with conspiracy theories, claiming that the incident was a deliberate act of sabotage by a foreign power, and that frequency that the signal to shut down the ignition mechanism was carried on was deliberately jammed by agents close to the launch site. ARISE has not yet and is unlikely to comment on these rumours, and the Orsonne County Police Department have claimed they saw 'no suspicious activity' in the area prior to and during the test. No foreign power has claimed responsibility for the incident, furthering the belief that it was simply a mechanical failure.

The Ceridwen II's crew, consisting of nationals from Mertagne, Ko-oren, Krytenia, Starblaydia, Cardenao, and Sylestone, will likely reprise their roles in the Ceridwen III mission, and many have expressed their disappointment in the mission failure, considering their rigorous training in preparation for it. It is likely the crew will spend a period of time on leave while a new mission timeline is constructed, and will be heavily involved in overseeing the construction of the Ceridwen III.

It is likely that in addition to the rocket, the Threefriends Space Launch Station will also need to be rebuilt, or another suitable candidate for launch will need to be found. Secondary launch sites in Krytenia, Ko-oren, and the United States of Nova Calania have been identified in the mission parameters, and it is likely that the rocket will be completed before improvements to the Launch Station will be actioned and completed. The Councillor for Science and Innovation, Jack Duque, claims that Mertagne remains 'committed to the funding of scientific advancements even in a tough economic climate', and that the 'Ceridwen III mission would receive the full support of the nation'.

[Sarzonia]

The final whistle sounded as the Sarzonian national football team sulked off the pitch following a 2-0 away loss to Bongo Johnson.

Sarzonoia had a real opportunity to wrest the group title from world No. 1 Valanora with a victory over a team ranked in the 200s after the Vanors were surprisingly held by Jeruselem in their finale.

"We got shafted!" Spencer Wilson fumed, grousing about two scoring opportunities he had that he couldn't cash in on. One scored against the Bongo Johnson goalkeeper, but the Baker Park (loser) linesman signaled offside.

"How was that offside?" manager Caleb Rush snapped, pointing out the video replay that showed Kitt Morgan was millimetres onside, but to no avail.

"Watch it or I'm booking you," the Banijan referee warned.

"Book yourself," Rush snapped back, drawing a yellow card for dissent.

That was a dick move, he thought to himself as he angrily slumped into his seat on the bench. Rush also leapt up protest a non-penalty call when Wilson was taken down in what the referee signaled was just outside the box, although, again, replay seemed to indicate Wilson was in the area, necessitating a penalty instead of the free kick that sailed just over the crossbar.

Regardless of Sarzonian protests, the Stars finished the group stage finale two points behind Valanora for the Group 17 title. But, after the team had 48 hours to cool down and then received word that their attempts to protest the outcome were denied, Rush and the team could finally take stock of the World Cup 98 group stage.

Sarzonia were moving on to the Proper, this time without having to sweat out an additional match to determine which postqualifying tournament they could potentially compete in. This time, they had their ticket punched, and it was simply a matter of staying sharp for whichever venues would host the Stars.

When Rush made himself available for media day, he said he was disappointed that his team weren't able to get the three points that would spell the difference between a group title and runner's up position, but he was generally pleased with the team's performance.

"It was long and hard, but we pulled it off," he said. "It was a pleasure to know we don't have to rise up again."

Rush was asked if he was considering his future after the World Cup, and he gave a quizzical look.

"We're only thinking about the present," he said. "We're not thinking about World Cup 99 or World Cup 100 or even ARC 4. We're thinking about doing what we have to do to get past the Round of 32 and going further than we did last time."

When Rush was informed his team had risen seven spots, from No. 35 to No. 28 after World Cup 98 qualifying, he nodded his approval.

"We still have some unfinished business," he said.

[Katzeburg]

(OOC: RIP to a true creative - Fix their hearts or die.)

The History of the Nervous Kitten, Chapter 14 - TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY

A lot of chapters in this book have been detailing stories about interesting incidents or moments in the history of the Nervous Kitten - but I wanted to dedicate this section to one specific man. He’s a man who ultimately isn’t notable in the grand scheme of things or someone who made a huge contribution to the nation of Katzeburg, but he's someone who, at the very least, the modern history of the Nervous Kitten just wouldn't feel right.

Many patrons of the bar over the last few decades would know of Gus Lynchberg, but to know him well would be to understand the deep molasses of the universe and how they meld together. From the conversations I've had over the years with regular drinkers, Gus was someone you either loved or hated. More mainstream barflies would often get confused by his unusual anecdotes and at times incoherent ramblings, while some absolutely loved the fact that just having a feeling about Gus, good or bad, was the point entirely.

Very few know at what point Gus would call the Nervous Kitten his home - but at some point more than two decades ago it would start to be clocked that this man would burst through the doors every day at the same time, 2.30, and grab a seat at the central bar.

From there he would see where the day takes him - sometimes it would be chatting with the other patrons, sharing stories with an overtly loud tone and a distinct lean towards understanding the grand cosmos before him. Other times he'd just sit there nursing his beer and sketching out images on napkins, some of which have been kept for posterity by the landlord - ranging from simple pictures of rabbits, to a dark, hulking mass without a face which he only described as a friendly chap called Jimbo.

But arguably the favourite days for many of the patrons who came to adore Gus were the days where he would burst in with something happening. A common favourite for many goers was the day Gus came in with five separate dolls in the shape of Katzeburgian kids mascot, Charlie Cat.

“I FOUND THESE WHEN DRIVING PAST A PARK BENCH EARLIER,” Gus proclaimed loudly to the rather uninterested bar.

“THEY SHALL BE MY FRIENDS AND I WILL PROTECT THEM. THEY ARE CALLED GAVIN, CHRIS, DALE, KYLE, AND ANDREW SMITHINGTON THE THIRD.”

But over the next few months, chiding patrons would bring up the five to Gus to see how they were doing - and from initial positivity, Gus would weave a tale of growing distrust and betrayal circulating amongst the dolls.

This would eventually come to a head one day in the pub when the landlord innocently inquired about the dolls and how they were going, only for Gus to firmly and sternly reply, “THEY ARE NO LONGER IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.” and refused to elaborate any further.

Gus was a polarising figure, but one that anyone who would put the effort in to get to know him and his quirks would be deeply rewarded. A fiercely passionate and loyal friend to those by his side, Gus would regularly go out of his way to support causes personal to him, raising more than three million barins for the city's children's hospital over the years through various fundraising days and straight donations.

Those that spent the time engaging with him learnt more about themselves and their place within the world, all while bringing a weird sense of oddity to the mundanity which can take place in a pub like the Nervous Kitten. But all good things would eventually come to an end, and for Gus, his years of drinking at the Nervous Kitten would finally catch up to him.

A passionate fan of the nations football team, Gus would pass away on the day of the sides Campionato Esportiva 39 quarterfinal, a match ultimately lost by Katzeburg. But he wouldn't have wanted it any other way, going out like he often enjoyed to live - staring up at the cosmos with a beer in hand and a ponderance in his mind.

For those now lucky enough to visit the Nervous Kitten, you may spot a little drawing on a napkin of a chap called Jimbo framed and hung above the center bar. There's a small inscription jotted down on it, written by Gus and something he would regularly echo loudly at people who didn't seem to get what he was doing. It simply says, Look at the donut, not the hole.

It's a touching tribute to a man who made so many people feel something, a rare success in an increasingly difficult world.

This chapter is in memoriam to Gus Lynchberg, 58BK - 20AK

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Katzeburg 1 - 2 Huayramarca
Wruck 4’ // Tello 60’, 85’

Possession - 41% // 59%
Shots on Target - 4 // 6
Shots - 9 // 12
Fouls - 22 // 11

1 Whinery, 2 Howland, 3 Knepp, 4 Clarkson, 5 Colbert (Morton 65’), 6 Plank, 7 Spears, 8 Horsfall (Newell 65’), 9 Arkwright, 10 Wruck, 11 Field (Marsh 65’)

Player of the Match - Tello (HUA)

Cardenao 0 - 3 Katzeburg
Wruck 17’, 70’, 83’

Possession - 55% // 45%
Shots on Target - 2 // 11
Shots - 5 // 14
Fouls - 13 // 17

1 Whinery, 2 Howland, 3 Knepp (Herman 65’), 4 Clarkson, 5 Colbert, 6 Plank, 7 Spears, 8 Horsfall (Lynton 65’), 9 Arkwright, 10 Wruck, 11 Field (Coburn 65’)

Player of the Match - Wruck (KAT)

Katzeburg into World Cup playoffs after tense final window

The Blue Cats are 90 minutes from an appearance in their first ever World Cup after the side managed to pick up a vital three points on the final qualification matchday and secure a space in the top three of Group 5.

With a tough pair of games against higher ranked opposition rounding out the Katzeburgian campaign, fans were wary of the campaign sliding off like it did in the final stretch of qualification for World Cup 97, where the side tumbled down the rankings on the final matchdays to end their debut campaign in fifth.

But hopes were raised quickly in their penultimate match against an already qualified Huayramarca, with Drake Wruck opening the scoring in front of a capacity Katzestadt Arena after just four minutes - darting in with the ball from the right flank to slip past Ismael Lobaton and Aidar Armendariz before looping his effort around Juan Mamani and finding the back of the net.

The opening sucker punch did little to dissuade the visitors however, as the world number 21-ranked side would quickly pull themselves in control of the match, dominating possession and coming close to levelling the scores 10 minutes later through striker Bryan Tello, who was pushed through on goal by a cutting pass from Orlando Mina, only to fire his effort over the bar.

Katzeburg would hold their nerve through to the half-time whistle, with fans breathing a sigh of relief that the result might be enough if it stays as is to send the side through. But Huayramarca had other ideas, and came out swinging in the second half.

The side would quickly level the scores through Tello, who was again left unmarked when rubbing up against the Katzeburgian backline, cutting inside past Erik Clarkson and Deena Knepp before rounding an onrushing Ry Whinery with the ball to square things up.

A flurry of subs from manager Becka Haberkorn would try to swing momentum back the way of the hosts, but it would be the visitors who took the last laugh, with Tello again the enemy of Katzeburgians everywhere with the winner five minutes from full-time. The Metropolis Alligators forward was again left wide open after a counter-attack down the right hand flank drew the attention of three of the four members of the Blue Cats defence, allowing Tello to calmly collect a simple cross in from Marcelo Huanca and tap home the ball with all the time in the world.

It was a simple goal to concede, and one which spelt doom for Katzeburgian hopes. A late push to find a dramatic equalizer came agonisingly close in the third minute of stoppage time when Elmer Spears fired a rocket from range, only for Mamani to tip the effort wide of the post and secure all three points for Los Cóndores.

Other results in the group however, went the way of the Blue Cats; with chasing Milchama falling 2-1 away at Abanhfleft (who secured their own passage to the World Cup as an automatic qualifier with the victory) and Omerica picking up a 2-1 win away at New Zhengguo to go level on points with Katzeburg, but four goals behind on differential.

This meant that with a win against Cardenao, Katzeburg were likely to secure the playoff spot - a draw and the side would be having to watch with both eyes the result between Omerica and Eraman, with the Incorrigibles at home and able to slip past the Blue Cats with a win.

But the result never seemed to be in doubt in Cardenao, as Katzeburg came firing out of the gates in the 17th minute through a powerful Wruck header, nodding home a looping cross from Meriel Arkwright to opening the scoring. The hosts never truly got into the match in the opening half, with Katzeburg dominating play in a manner not seen away from the safe confines of Katzestadt Arena.

The side entered the half-time break a goal up, and travelling fans were cautiously optimistic; that optimism would turn to ecstasy in the final half of the qualification campaign, as Wruck would double the side’s lead in the 70th minute - finishing a mad scramble in the box from both sides with a tap past the diving keeper. Wruck would complete his hat-trick, his third for the nation, seven minutes from time from the penalty spot, after Katzeburg was awarded a spot-kick following a harsh challenge on substitute Leith Coburn.

As it turned out, a draw would have been enough, as Omerica failed to win in a dramatic final day at home, falling 4-3 to Eraman and handing the position to Katzeburg who will compete in the playoffs for the first time ever in the nation’s young history.

Their reward is a trip to Yuezhou and a clash with Group 18 3rd placed side Reçueçn, who finished a point off the automatic qualification spots. The 57th-ranked side failed to secure qualification on the final matchday after falling 2-1 to Katzeburg’s Esportivan neighbours Riena, but with the side picking up respectable wins against Ko-oren and Aleirave, early odds favour Les Licornes to book a return to the World Cup for a sixth time.

But Katzeburg manager Becka Haberkorn is optimistic about the side’s chances heading into a do-or-die clash, naming an unchanged squad from the one which secured a playoff position.

“To still be in the mix for a spot at the World Cup is a huge achievement for the nation,” Haberkorn said.

“We’ve pulled up a few stumps and it really was touch and go for a lot of the campaign as to whether we’d be able to meet the standards we set for ourselves, so to secure third and have a shot at a qualification spot is really encouraging. There is no doubt that we are in for a very tough match, Reçueçn are a great side with a lot of pedigree behind them, but we’ve managed to earn a chance at them and we’re going to give it everything we can.

“At the end of the day, this is just our second World Cup cycle and to be so close to a spot really highlights the progress we’ve made to date - if we win, it will be a brilliant moment for the nation. But if we lose - we’ll be back next time hoping to go one better.”

[Commonwealth of Baker Park]

THE OA's ARE HERE!

Live from an undisclosed, secret location somewhere in the Greater Belle Haven Metro area, it's the Overachievers Awards for the World Cup 98 Qualifying Extravaganza Tournament, a bit tardy due to reasons within our control but better left not explained.

Actually, this edition of the OA's has proven to be the most difficult to flesh out of all the previous 18 award presentations due to the randomly imprecise, semi-arbitrary, and convoluted criteria that we here at OA Central may or may not use in determining who gets mentioned; of course it's not completely our fault as the Distinguished and Honorable hosting triumvirate--plus one--in the Xandrian Sea of Rushmore have forced a major reconsideration of the very basic raison d’être for the whole exercise.

Normally, we would be brutally hunting down naming those nations that went above and beyond the call in their campaign to make the World Cup Final field of 32 48 by achieving a place in their final group table that was at least three places above their seeded pot from the qualifying draw; with only eight pots this time and a shocking lack of interference from Margaret, Goddess of Random Mischief, i.e., a frightening display of ordered normalcy that has seen just six nations lower than fourth seed advancing to the pool of 54 potential Finals participants.

Fortunately, as the previously mentioned criteria have never been sorted out rigidly enforced, the crack research staff here at OA HQ can still identify worthy honorees in order to justify the obscene amounts of income we provide to them, so without further adieu let's get to the shout-outs!

Group 1: Vaishnavaria (149)--went into the final two matchdays still with a chance to qualify for the playoffs from their 6th pot place
Group 2: Nova Calania (89)--were unlucky to be unable to hold off top seeded Mertagne as they were one of the top 10 scoring sides in the competition.
Group 3: Cobrio (UR)--returning from a hiatus didn't hold the unranked nation back from challenging the top seeds in one of the so called "Groups of Death".
Group 4: Martian Independent Republic (177)--stayed in the race in a tough group until MD 12 and can hold their collective heads high for their efforts against Tumbra, Chromatika and Darmen.
Group 5: Katzenberg (88)--the highest ranked of those outside the top four seeds that remain alive for a berth via the playoffs
Group 6: Estorvipa & Estorpiva (163)--closed fast to overtake an unlucky Sangti & Filindo Isles for fourth spot.
Group 7: Auprussia (95)--another fifth seed that could make the Finals via the playoff
Group 8: This ended up being the group that held perfectly to the chalk--The 14 Stars and Polar Island States jockeyed back and forth for the playoff berth but in the end 1-8 was exactly as it came out of the draw.
Group 9: Except for Eshialand and Saint Eleanor, the same can be said for this group as above. Saterun overcame a mid tourney blip to secure the playoff spot after Patriotland, Carpathia & Ruthenia and Dhemixia had closed the gap late but that was really the only drama.
Group 10: Yuugria (246) & Calgasia (174)--the only group with two members of the tiny BOF class, both legitimately had a chance for the third place going into the final two rounds of fixtures. Gave a lot of headaches to the established order in this group.
Group 11: Dremotia (200)--the BOF runners-up were let down by their defense, as half of the 35 goals they allowed came in just 4 losses.
Group 12: Busoga Islands (281)--like Cobrio, the Busogans returned to international play after a hiatus and notched the most points of any third placed side. EDIT--whoops! Actually that was Captina's claim!
Group 13: Ralsalin (UR)--held their own over the long haul in a really brutal group
Group 14: Vetrahjart (270) they were only four points back of third place with four to play. Another BOF side to watch in the future.
The Ko-orenite Constellation (123)--Held their nerve against the rest of the group to clinch a playoff spot.
Group 15: HOT-DAMN (110)--Along with the Ko-orenites above, are one of the wildest of wild-cards that can still make the WC 98 field.
Group 16: Like 8 & 9, no lower seed really stands out as having been playing above their station.
Group 17: Bohr (UR)--In reality, they probably deserved to finish ahead of the two nations above them just based on the wild inconsistency of the Belles and Princesses through the tournament.
Group 18: Grand Exultia (161)--the BOF winners didn't embarrass themselves at all and their trophy merits inclusion despite the face that this was another group that really didn't have much going for it except the failure of the second seeds to advance.

That's it for this time, congratulations to the winners and until next time, keep Overachieving!!

[Busoga Islands]

The Lakiska Daily

"A dream chance" - Busoga and Captina Island meet in Qusmo with everything to play for- a berth in the World Cup Finals

QANZ, QUSMO- 14 qualifiers- 7 games at home, 7 games away, each of your 7 opponents twice. And sometimes, that is not enough. In the case of the Busoga Islands, Captina Island, and 16 other 3rd place sides, 14 games was not enough to decide their fate, of whether they'd end up in the World Cup Finals, or whether they'd be booking the next flight to the Cup of Harmony. The Islamic Republic had to scratch and claw their way here. A critical away draw earned, early in the campaign, against Siovanija & Teusland, proved essential to their navigation to the playoff spot in Group 12. Three points in an upset home win against Drawkland, six against Lisander- it's points here and there, that accumulate to give the Islanders this shot. Not to mention, Damukuni didn't exactly cover themselves in glory chasing that 3rd slot either- some tough lossess in the later stages of the campaign. But when Busoga had a chance to clinch it all, against the worst team in the group ,we did so in emphatic fashion- a 4-0 win at home, in front of a raucous home crowd, to go to the Playoff.

We were not supposed to be here. Ranked 281st, in Pot 7 of 8 teams, haven't participate in 10 cycles, while getting last place in the most recent AOCAFs- this first step towards Project Busoga 100 was not supposed to go this will. But when we got a world-class manager to lead the way, uniting purpose, well- good performances lead to good results, and good results lead to great opportunities. And in front of us, lies a tremendous opportunity for this national team- the opportunity of a lifetime. One game, neutral site, off to the World Cup Finals, for the first time ever. Only one team stands in our way- and that, is Captina Island.

A near 75,000 seater stadium might seem a large venue for these two relatively small nations- but the excitement in the match knew no bounds. The Busoga Islands, with a population of just around 12 million people, and Captina Island, an even smaller nation whose population is just over half that- a population of 6.3 million. Of course, in these single-legged playoff matches, with the massive reward of an appearance in the World Cup Finals on the line, there was going to be high amounts of tensions and high intensity- but this match, in particular, there was going to be even more of that than there usually is. The sellout was easy, and thousands of fans from both sides, will travel just to be part of the atmosphere- just to be in Qanz for the greatest moment in their nation's sporting history.

It is unique when both nations in a Playoff have not made the Finals. But what made this particularly interesting, is that both nations have a lot of experience in Qualifying, despite neither having ever played in the Finals. There are only two other playoff matchups that are guaranteed to see a World Cup debutant- Auprussia v. Doubeia, as well as the Ko-orenite Constellation v. HOT-DAMN. But both of those nations, while up and coming with bright futures, are both 'only' in their third cycle of World Cup Qualifying. Captina Island is in their 5th ever World Cup Qualification cycle, while us, in the Busoga Islands, find ourselves in our 9th World Cup Qualification cycle. A combined 14 cycles between us- and 0 appearances in the World Cup Finals.

Because of that, and how close both nations are to tasting glory, fans of both nations are flocking, in huge numbers, to throw a party in Qanz and be part of what could be the most magical night in their nation's footballing history- or, quite possibly, the most painful night in their nation's sporting history. "it's a unique set of circumstances, and of course, both teams will be feeling good." Said a Busogan TV commentator. "Neither going against a superpower- remember, the Busoga Islands could have drawn a nation like Zwangzug, who won the World Cup a few cycles ago, or Baker Park- a regular at the Finals. Instead, one of the few nations smaller than ours, that has also never been to the Finals. That said, we are decided underdogs- Captina Island has the highest point total of any nation to not qualify directly for the World Cup Finals, somehow not earning a top 3 spot in their group, despite earning 30 points across the campaign."

And another Busogan commentator threw out a dose of reality. "That might be true- but Captina Island, and their fans, will be feeling similarly confident. The Busoga Islands are a nation that, theroetically, should be happy to be here. Punching well above their weight. But think about it. The Busoga Islands had some fortunate bounches- Damukuni had some opportunities to catch up in the table, but really, repeatedly stumbled at the crucial moments. The Busogans had the 3rd lowest points total of the Playoff teams- finishing with just 23 points. So probably anybody on the top half would have been happy if they drew the Busoga Islands. Plus, we haven't shown a penchant at winning these big games- we've had a couple of playoff appearances, and yet, never gotten to the Big Dance. So their fans are similarly excited for what should be a mouthwatering matchup."

So we've established- the Busoga Islands, while excited, are underdogs. But the only way to get to the World Cup is to punch upward- that proverbial ceiling stays in its natural state, the only way to get there is to punch through it. How can Emeline Millet, who got us here, navigate this spot to get us to the Finals? "As you can imagine, the Busogans will be playing on the counter." A commentator said. "Man for man, Captina Island probably has more talent- but that was true for the vast majority of Busoga's group, and yet, here we are. There are dangerous players here on the counter, and they can defend, as a unit, quite well. But they've got to give opportunities for Abu Sesay, in particular, to get moving up the pitch, and in space- he's the player on this team with the ability to create, and who will strike fear in the hearts of Captina Island. If we can hold out for some time, if it's still 0-0 at the hour mark... We've got a hell of a chance."

14 games, the ups and downs of Qualifying- it all comes down to this. Winner takes all, loser goes home. Who is off to the Finals? Find out tomorrow night, at 8 PM local, on Matong Sports TV.

[Captina Island]

Captina one step from history with trip to Qusmo
The Captina Company Press Association

(QANZ, QUSMO)--The Captina Company National Football Team sit on the brink of history as they will face the Busoga Islands in the playoffs for the World Cup 98 Finals at Mastad Qastyra here after securing their place with a pair of wins during the last round of group stage fixtures during qualifying.

The Rosso e Oro needed only a draw away against Sajnur in the penultimate match yet they received unexpected help from an unlikely source as Sel Appa defeated Sangti and the Filindo Isles 3-1, the final result being announced while the match in Sajnur was still underway in the first half with no score between the sides. With Sangti & Filindo eliminated by the defeat, Manager Jonas Yarborough made changes to the lineup and the tactics after halftime, both moves becoming instrumental to the eventual 1-0 win that still left Captina with a chance to earn an automatic bid to the Finals if they could win at home against Sel Appa while Farfadillis lost or drew against in Arrosia versus Sajnur.
Both Mytanija and the Farves secured victories on the finalk day, as did TCCNT in the home finale at TCC Sports Ground in Geneva City; a day of celebration was observed on the Monday following the final fixture prior to the draw for the playoffs being announced.

Like Captina, Busoga seek their first ever World Cup berth, an achievement that would certainly rank as one of the most significant in the history of the Arrosian nation since their independence from Banija; Manager Yarborough said it is unfortunate that one nation will have to wait for their debut.
"We made a huge step forward as a nation despite the fact our domestic league is not at the same level as many other nations. We would consider it a fantastic achievement if we made our World Cup debut ahead of a nation like Busoga which has much more talent & resources available to them than we do."

[Darmen]

World Cup Finals Drought: Is This The End Or Do We Riot?

PYATHORA, TIKARIOT - A single match playoff with West Vdara is all that stands between Darmen's ninth appearance in the World Cup finals or its fourteenth qualification campaign in a row ending in failure to reach the multiverse's premier football tournament. Understandably, tensions are high.

In the All Greens camp, the national team is doing its best to about things "business as usual" like, but reports from inside the camp indicate that the team is on edge. Manager Riley Mac Pharlain may be playing things low key with his cool, calm, laid back demeanor, but his players are anything but calm and laid back. Rumors are that vice-captain James January was engaged in a dust up with his fellow Scott City FC teammate Torger Woodward. Mac Pharlain refused to confirm if such a tussle had actually occurred, stating only that, "We'll keep disciplinary matters internal. The last thing we need is for the press to go banana's over some school boy antics."

Outside the camp, Darmeni fans are just as on edge. Nearly every police force in the country has released statements regarding their security arrangements for the night of the playoff match, even if it is being played a Xandrian Sea away. If the match doesn't go Darmen's way, there is certain to be trouble, with even the National Gendarmerie being placed on high alert, with all leave being cancelled for the weekend.

"Even if we win, there is always the chance that the celebrations get out of hand," stated Metropolitan Police Assistant Commissioner Hartley Conner. Conncer also added that the police "are prepared for all situations. The Department of the Interior and the Metropolitan Police & Crime Comissioner's Office have both instructed us that preventing any rioting or violence is to be our primary focus. Football is meant to be fun and win or lose, we'd like for this playoff to go off peacefully."

Even the Darmeni Football Association has felt the need to be proactive, releasing a statement that Mac Pharlain has the full backing of the FA and that, "Regardless of the result in the upcoming playoff match, the DFA has no intention of making a change in our national team coaching staff any time soon. Mr. Mac Pharlain has our full support." Whether the fans will agree with that should Darmen lose remains to be seen.

[Auprussia]

Waking Up

Lorent Cardinaux manager Ruseau Charons woke up to sounds he hasn't heard in years. Kids playing football, running around and imitating what they saw last year in the AFF national tournament. He looked at his wife at asked "When did the kids start getting into football?" and his wife responded: "They said they knew a couple of the players who played in that big tournament or whatever". Ruseau took a cup of hot chocolate and sat on his patio outside. It was cool but not too cold. The wind stood still and as Charons took sips of his hot chocolate he started to realize something: now that most of the country has leagues to follow with the help of the AFF most of the locals can go to games again. Football in Auprussia was slowly but surely building back up from the dredges of Lige PRO and the first two years of this "experiment". Ruseau took the last sip of his chocolate and went to work that day.

Ruseau arrived at Lemordou and started training with his Lorent Cardinaux squad. He overheard a couple of the higher ups being amazed at the uptick of interest in football across the country as well. The manager approached them and asked: "You think we are going to survive this?" The owner Brault Vesterou replied "Survive? I think we're gonna do very well very soon". Rusueau was surprised at the owner's confidence but Brault was not done "If what we have planned with some of the other clubs goes through we will be done with this madness. No more disorganized messes, no more clubs going out of business, and no more of this AFF national nonsense". Ruseau meekly asked "Are you saying-" Brault cuts him off and says "You bet! We're going to finally get out from under but it's going to take some time, I need you to be composed and keep us together while we get this thing off the ground". Ruseau decided not to press any further.

[Zwangzug]

The Kerlagrad Courier

After another qualification campaign filled with the usual assortment of ups and downs, upsets and unsurprising results, fans anxious about the upcoming playoffs are resorting to meaningless vibe-based prediction strategies, so that no matter how disappointing the outcome may be, at least they won't have their egos hurt by making sensible or falsifiable guesses. "I was pretty nervous at the thought of playing fourteen stars, because, like, what if there are fourteen of them?" mused Chelsea Brind-Stoffen, of Canbix. "But then, I think for a while Bears Armed had twelve people and everyone just let them get away with it. Or was that a duodecimal thing?"

"I was excited to learn that our playoff match would be held in the famous Temple of the Crow," said Peter Henle-Groot, of Spenson. "And I was especially excited when I looked up the records and found that Zwangzug defeated Mytanija there in the group stage of World Cup 89, a match that definitely has relevance to the abilities of this team. However, in the very next match, they lost to Valanora, so we're kinda right back at square one."

"I suspect Zwangzug may have a hard time getting acclimated to the Xannerian Sea," fretted Parvati Nehru, of Guariday, before being informed that the Xandrian Sea is a body of water connecting The Kytler Peninsulae, Qusmo, Yuezhou, and Tikariot. "Oh, in that case, they'll probably be fine as long as they don't run their mouths about anything stupid. Which they shouldn't, because with a record like ours, do we look like we can show up in some other country and start spewing hot takes?"

"The Blue Wolves' kits are environmentally sourced from ocean plastics, which is sure to make them feel good about themselves and give them a psychological advantage," said Joaquin McTrant, of 102d. "On the other hand, Zwangzug...wear...well, look, I'm sure they must be wearing kits, there are public nudity laws and stuff."

"As we all know, Zwangzug are dealing with some personality issues caused by the arrival of a new coach," said Helen Poucher-Wales, of Arlington. "Whereas The 14 Stars have Keira Walcott, who's been in her position a while and probably has a better relationship with her teammates. However, she's from Sylestone, a country that has receded from international prominence in recent cycles, so...who knows."

"I understand Gregor Courtenay has been very concerned about the prospect of gambling on results and the potential that has to create perverse incentives," said Benjamin Ness-Rock, of Keppal City. "He will be relieved to know that nothing of value is at stake in these matchups. Both because our economy doesn't really function that way, and also because none of us have a clue what we're talking about."

MD13: Hegesa 39; Fjällstrand 55
MD14: Castello 27, Axl 81; Marcus 15 and 42, Carre 60, Flen-Willis 76

[TJUN-ia]

The Random Rambles of a Jaguar - WC98 Qualifying Edition
with Killian Looker

Welcome back to this Random Ramble and welcome back to World Cup Qualifying action for the Group Stage Finale! Two more games separated us from whatever lay beyond. What was that thing? Well, we were there to try and find out. Everyone knew that if things went the way many expected, we would be forced to play a fifteenth game...but it wasn't set in stone at all. A slim chance of Top 2 and a very real chance of elimination meant that we still had a job to do and one we couldn't screw up at all if we wanted to keep playing on. David Seems and Li Xiu Ying knew what was at stake very well...but could they get us over the line? Can we prove we at least deserve being a Pot 1 team?

The Games
StrayaRoos on the road. Big big game for obvious reasons. Everyone knew that this game would say a lot about our aspirations heading into that final game and this once was certainly close. The first half here was initially looking good, with Stephan Fiedtkou taking the lead in the 13th, but the hosts were a really good football team and they showed that again here as Cruz Kaiplo scored twice to lead 2-1 at the break. Things were not looking good and while Paek Un-hui did level things up, we didn't know what a 2-2 draw would mean. Poafmersia drew as well. 1-1 with Natkr. The gap remained at 2 points.

Then it was finally time to visit the National Stadium in TJUN-ia City, where The Throstles of Baggieland were welcomed as group winners before the real drama began. For us, the aim was simple - equal or better whatever Poafmersia could do against the Emus and we will secure Top 3. That was all we needed to do. To say things were nailbiting was an understatement, especially considering the final day meant all games kicking off at the same time, so everything was just going down at the same time. This game was just chaos, as The Throstles took the lead thanks to a Jeff Richardson brace, we felt we were cooked, then StrayaRoos scored and Diana Sharafutdinov responded with two of her own. The game ended 2-2, the other game ended 1-0 to the Emus and TJUN-ia was confirmed a playoff spot. Holy crap, that was tight.

Reaction
A GD of +14, but yet we still have to play a 15th game. What a rollercoaster of a campaign. It all started so well and then the up and down began...but we just about made it in to that 15th game. We were the Pot 1 team in this group, just about, and maybe we needed a crash back to earth just to wake up and realise what was actually important...but nonetheless, we're here and we have one more game to play.

Up Next...
The draw for this playoff means that, at Melnock House in Tikariot, we shall face #46 Saterun for a spot at the World Cup. The same Saterun we faced at the Finals two years ago. That was the 3-1 that ultimately sealed our progression to the Round of 32...and now, after all this time, we must face Kameron Boyd's Claws once more just to make the dance. Funny how things playout.
Are we favoured to win this single-leg playoff in Eivora? Maybe.
Will we take that for granted? Absolutely not.
This campaign has been nothing short of eventful...so no chance in hell we assume anything.

Hopefully, our clock doesn't strike midnight.
GO JAGS!

---

SCHEDULE (Group 13)
(Stadium Guide can be found here)
MD1: vs Ralsalin (UR) - Estádio do Pacífico, Rio Pacífico W 5-0 (1st)
MD2: @Delitai (105) W 2-0 (1st)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD3: vs Darkmania (153) - Tiankong Stadium, Tiankong W 5-0 (1st)
MD4: vs Poafmersia (67) - Stade de la Victoire, Roi Ville D 0-0 (2nd)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD5: @Natkr (215) L 0-1 (2nd)
MD6: vs StrayaRoos (48) - Beregozera Stadium, Szensky L 2-4 (2nd)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD7: @Baggieland (24) - Dartmouth Hill, Hawthorn L 2-3 (4th)
MD8: @Ralsalin (UR) - Ralsalien Grandmaster Kotarlok Arena, Rinkan W 5-3 (3rd)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD9: vs Delitai (105) - Estadio Universidad Carlandas, Carlandas D 4-4 (3rd)
MD10: @Darkmania (153) W 5-1 (3rd)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD11: @Poafmersia (67) - Libira National Stadium, Fiskadaha City L 0-1 (3rd)
MD12: vs Natkr (215) - Ke Kahua Pāʻani o Pua Aloalo, Kepu Manu W 1-0 (3rd)
--------------------------------Rambles--------------------------------
MD13: @StrayaRoos (48) D 2-2 (3rd)
MD14: vs Baggieland (24) - National Stadium, TJUN-ia City D 2-2 (3rd/6-4-4/22pts/+14GD)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
PO: vs Saterun (46) - Melnock House, Eivora, Tikariot

[Kamijiro]

End of the Line or a New Era?

Palace Intrigue
For the first time in the nation's history, a woman holds the absolute power in Kamijiro. Misaki Sugawara, formerly the Lieutenant Colonel of the Kempeitai, was handed the reins by now ex-Emperor Kaminari as he abdicated the throne. The Emperor's whereabouts are unknown and no solid leads have been found for his location other than the fact he and his aide, Honami Tatsukawa, left the palace via helicopter at around 12:30 A.M. on Tuesday. The helicopter landed at Jirō Island's airport at around 1:15 A.M., two passengers disembarked and then vanished into the dark of the night. From there, it's generally unknown where they could've gone. Some have theorized that they're laying low on Jirō. Others say they've fled for a foreign country, while others suggest they may have been captured by forces from another department.

"Pathetic." Misaki scoffed as she stood at the top of the throne room of the Palace. "He had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and tell me he'd give me the rope. Then he tucked his tail and ran the moment the eyes were off of him. So, so pathetic." Her feelings towards the Emperor aren't exactly uncommon among the residents of Miraisaki. When asked, most people refer to him as a traitor or a coward - or worse, a quitter. Much of the civil war has cooled off since Miraisaki's front lines were pushed back into their own territory and true trench warfare began. The will to fight was dwindling on both sides, especially with the sheer amount of polticial turmoil at the top of Miraisaki. The rest of the main island departments, St. Jerome, Chamonix, New Volendam, Porto de Kamijiro and South St. Jerome, recently began drafting a resolution that would officially declare themselves independent of Miraisaki's grasp, with Jirō Island being the only non-signatory. A fracturing of the Empire was the last thing Misaki wants, but she's running out of options... if Kamijiro were to officially end and the rest of the departments (minus Jirō Island) were to secede, would it be the death knell on Miraisaki's existance? Only time will tell - for now, the joint resolution of the rest of the mainland will be getting voted on by each department's parliaments.

Meanwhile, in South Newlandia, the ex-Emperor, now known as Ichirō Yamada, watches nervously on a television screen. Sure, he may not be the Emperor anymore, but there were his failures and shortcomings playing out on international broadcasting. His aide, formerly Honami Tatsukawa and now Tomoko Ishigawa, plays games on her phone.

"Kaz- I mean, Ichirō, I'm not sure why you care so much about this. It's not your home anymore, it's not your empire."
"Shut up. This is all my fault. I let that fool Kazumori trick me into doing this. I killed the Empire. It's all right here, it's my mistake."
Ichirō runs a hand through his dyed jet black locks nervously.
"I mean, look! They're voting on secession right now!"
"They're what?"
"Voting on secession. The rest of the departments. Their parliaments are meeting today to discuss full secession. Do you know what this would mean?"
"I mean, asides from the obvious 'new country' thing, no. Not really, anyway."
"Miraisaki would starve! There's not enough farming there to feed the cities and there isn't enough industry to build the equipment needed. The whole thing's fucked."
"I see. And you care why, exactly? First of all, even if it was entirely your fault, which it's not, there's nothing you can do. Second of all, that country is no longer your home. If you went back now, you'd be executed immediately. Misaki put a warrant out for your arrest the moment she went on television for the first time."
"This whole thing's fucked." Ichirō repeats out loud once more and then in his head several more times.
"You know what the best thing we can do right now is?"
"What?"
"Wait. Find a country that we can essentially pay to give us citizenship, then truly vanish. Right now, we're still kinda trackable since we're travelling with Kamijiroan passports. I've heard Milchama's pretty chill about giving out passports and citizenship, so long as you can pay up."
"Fuck, I don't wanna do that, either."
"Me either. But what other choice do we have?"

Just then, the results of each vote started rolling on the screen. Ichirō shushes Tomoko and turns the television's volume up. The next few minutes blur together as Ichirō watches each department's results coming in.
"... and now the results from St. Jerome. The for votes have tallied 194... and the against votes have tallied 26. St. Jerome has voted for secession, but every other department involved in the joint agreement must follow suit for it to pass..."

"Chamonix is next... they're expected to vote almost unanimously for this decision. For votes have tallied... 98. Against votes, zero. Abstaining: 2."

"New Volendam... 44-6. Porto de Kamijiro... 49-1. South St. Jerome... 52-50. The measure passes."

Just like that, the rest of Kamijiro had declared independence from Miraisaki's rule.

Back at the Palace, Misaki just shrugged. "Well, did we expect anything different? We'll have to bring them to heel..."

Meanwhile, across the region at Kanzlia, the national team learns the news right before they step out onto the pitch.

"Did you hear?" Kento asked Kyōji in a hushed tone.
"What, that Sōji and Katsu got called a gay couple by the police in Vdara? Yeah, funny isn't it?"
"No, you idiot. Kamijiro just died. Miraisaki and Jirō Island are the only ones left. The rest just voted to secede."
"Wait, WHAT?!" Sōji roared, having eavesdropped on the conversation. "The hell do you mean Kamijiro is dead?! And what do you mean Katsu and I are gay?! He's not even my type! Well, uh, shit, not that any guys are my ty-"
Raiji interrupts. "Not now, please. We have a match to play in... literally fifteen minutes! Please, save this talk for after. We can deal with this later..."
"Nuh-uh!" Both Kento and Kyōji run back to the dressing rooms to look at their phones.
"No fuckin' way." Kyōji spat out. "Those bastards really voted to secede! Holy shit!"
The rest of the team comes back into the dressing room. Ten minutes to game time, nobody from the Kamijiroan envoy is on the pitch.
Raiji begins imploring the team. "Please, please just get out there and play. We're so close to qualifying, we just need a result here."
The team finally walks out, most of them in stunned silence as they line up for kickoff.

The game goes mostly Kanzlia's way for the first half. They head into the halftime break ahead 3-1, looking more and more like punching their tickets to the qualifying rounds at least. A brace from Paulo Tiyan plus a goal from Maurice Bouma had the Kanzlians in the driver's seat. The lone Kamijiro goal came from Haruka Kagawa, who was able to tap in a placed shot to the bottom corner. Raiji's halftime speech wasn't really a speech, more so just a somber resignation to fate.

"Well, guess this is it, huh?" He looked around the room at his team, most of whom sat staring into space. "We're gonna go down, just like this. I'm fired. We go home to a country that doesn't really exist anymore and we all think back to happier times? Is that really what our lot in life is?"

Katsu Fujiwara looked up and just said: "Nah. We're getting a point from this, minimum." Then, he got up and went back out to the pitch by himself without another word. The next 45 minutes would be his last stand.

The second half started out much the same as the first. Kanzlia dominated the ball and Kamijiro were forced to soak up pressure. That changed when Tōshi Kameda latched onto a pass from Akinari Akaminai and booted it up to Sōji Kokubun. Sōji chested it softly towards Haruka Kagawa, who played a nice through ball for Katsu, who made a timely run between the center back pair of Bagheria and Lorenzetti. His shot was an absolute rocket from the edge of the box and it left Robert Zijlstra in no-mans land as it pin-pointed the top right corner. Game on.

Kanzlia once again turned up the pressure. 3-2 looked to be the final score as the clock winded down. The assistant referee indicated a total of seven minutes of added time. Raiji Kagawa called for a high press and everybody to get into the box. Just pure 'fuck it, we need a goal.' Kanzlia couldn't get ahold of the ball as the Lightning peppered Zijlstra with shot after shot, all of which he parried well. With just fifteen seconds left in added time, Kagawa played his final card. He took off his goalkeeper, Jokichi Asumi, and subbed on Kyōji Kirishima for one last chance at a goal from an upcoming corner kick. Katsu delivered an in-swinging cross towards the back-post... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! HEADED HOME BY KYŌJI KIRISHIMA! ALL EQUAL WITH MERE SECONDS LEFT!

It was pure limbs in the away end and the game took more than ten minutes to re-start. Kagawa subbed off Sōji Kokubun in favor of Kai Itakura, the backup goalkeeper. The game re-started and despite Kanzlia trying their best to get one more in before the ref blew for full-time, it was the Lightning headed to the dressing room in euphoria. There were few words spoken, they weren't needed. All they needed now was a win against Yuugria and a draw or win from Flavovespia against Kanzlia and their World Cup dreams stayed afloat.

And then, in front of a sold-out crowd of 6,500, that's exactly what happened. Goals from Tōshi and Sōji in the first half were more than enough to see the Lightning through Yuugria. Back in the dressing room, all eyes were glued to the television as the Flavovespians held onto the narrowest of leads, 3-2, against a Kanzlia side that looked increasingly desparate to score. When no goal came for them, both the locker room and the stands went absolutely ape. All that was left was figuring out who was next. Who they needed to beat in order to get through to the World Cup proper. The answer to that question was found out minutes later. Oberour Ar Moro. These two teams had met before just one time, in the Cup of Harmony. Kamijiro came out on top in that matchup, 4-3. The issue? Every goalscorer from that side was no longer on the Lightning's roster due to the war. It was a Joshua Johnson hat-trick and a Geraldo Coutinho screamer that put the Kamijiroans up for good.

When asked about this, Raiji just said:
"Well, either this is going to be the start of something beautiful, an era in which Kamijiro qualifies for the World Cup proper, or this is the end of the line for me."

[Omerica]

.

[Saterun]

The Claws had gone perfect in their last two games, but it wasn't enough. Losing to Saint Eleanor on MD 12 had confined them to 3rd, and all a late run of form had given them was security in the playoff position. They had picked up the scoring late into the campaign, and had eventually managed 30 goals for. Of these, Caesar Ibañez had accounted for 15, scored in only 14 games. He was one of the leading scorers of qualifying. He had netted four times against Dhemixia in the last match, and although they had already been locked in to 3rd place, the Claws made sure to get a win on the final day. Their defense wasn't exactly reassuring, true, but their offense made up for it on most occasions. They had exactly met expectations, and were now headed to the playoffs.

Facing them in the one-legged tie were TJUN-ia, a team Kameron was familiar with. They had been in Saterun's group for the last World Cup, but now only one of them would make it to this edition's Finals. Kameron's side had lost that previous meeting, and now they were out for revenge. TJUN-ia had been one of the worst 3rd place teams by record, but they only lagged behind the Claws by 4 points in what had ended up being a very close seeding table. This game was dead even. Kameron knew it would probably come down to a moment, a second in which one player could make a difference. That's why it was so important to have his ace up his sleeve in Caesar Ibañez. He couldn't get injured between now in the game. 4 days wasn't usually a long time, but for Kameron it was agonizing, knowing that he could lose that talent in a moment. That's why he made sure to significantly lighten the few training session the squad had in the gap between the final group stage game and the playoff match.

The night before the game, Kameron was up late. He knew he should sleep, but he also wanted to fiddle with his tactics. The brief adjustments he had made before the Eshialand game had made all the difference, so this time he wanted to go even further. Yes, he shouldn't totally mix up the instructions, but he wasn't sure if these current plans would work against the Jaguars. Kameron was also a firm believer in the power of unpredictability, and fully expected to change at least something to throw off the opposition and maybe get an edge. He began first by ridging his back line. This was something at every Saterun manager was familiar with, although it didn't always work. He pushed one if the centerbacks, Matt Saez, up, while he pushed Alfienk back. This created a slight ridge in the back line, and was effective at dealing with heavy attacks. However, quick players could exploit the space, especially since this shape was not very good at catching players offside.

This process would be what would determine the outcome of the game. The opposition coach was doubtlessly also working to break down Kameron's side, and in a match this even the result would be decided by which coach could anticipate more. Of course, once those players walked out onto the field, the game was really in their hands, but Kameron was a firm believer in the power of tactics and playstyle. That's what they paid him for, after all. And here, everything was at stake. The Claws had overcome a slight dip in the middle of the schedule to latch on the 3rd place, and now they were only a step away from making back-to-back finals appearances, something that no Saterun fan could have even dreamed of before Kameron took the reigns.

And there was another issue he had been struggling with. He had absolutely loved his time on the NT, and was so grateful for everything he had achieved, but he had begun to feel the weight of almost 7 years at the job. He knew he would see out this cycle, that was for sure, but after that he didn't know. What he did know was that this had been the best decision he had ever made. He thought he was very similar to Tara Grety, the legendary Saterun Women's NT manager who had retired at the end of the last Jenna Raven Cup, on the eve of her greatest triumph. Kameron's greatest triumph had been claiming the IAC title, so he wouldn't be ending his tenure at its peak, but he still felt like the Claws were riding on a high. After all, they could very well go back-to-back in qualifying, which was still a huge achievement.

These thoughts were still weighing on Kameron's mind as he eventually went to bed. It was 11:00, and he had been fiddling for a couple of hours. At this point, it wouldn't make a difference. The last thing anyone could do was just show up and perform on matchday. For the players, it meant going out there and giving one hell of a performance. For Kameron, it meant keeping calm and being in the clearest state of mind. Additionally, he knew that he was going to have to take risks, and he wanted to be as ready for that as possible. It was possible that Saterun scored 3 in the first 10 minutes and coasted to a win, but Kameron knew that would never happen. If they were to win tomorrow, they were going to have to reach a level higher than they had all qualifying. It was doable, but it would damn sure be hard.

[West Vdara]

Channel 2 Kanaria

"Comrades, rejoice! The Western Vdaran Territories have resoundingly TROUNCED all capitalist opposition and topped the Group of Peace and Socialism by FIFTEEN points! Such a fantastic development in the continued story of this heroic team can only be applauded, even by the most treacherous of capitalist scum. However, there has been a further development - the thievery is off the charts! Here to tell you more is our sports correspondent, Stavros."

"Yes, kalispera comrades! If you look to your screens now, you will see how glorious our victory is!"

Group of Peace and Socialism     Pld    W   D   L    Pts
1 West (and true) Vdara           14   14   0   0    42    
2 Agazul                          14    9   0   5    27
3 Free Republics                  14    6   5   3    23
4 Al Quds                         14    5   6   3    21
5 Brazilico                       14    2   6   6    12
6 Dremotia                        14    1   6   7    9    
7 Spaam                           14    1   4   9    7    
8 West Barack and East Obama      14    0   0  14    0

"So wonderful to see our nation battling with the peak of footballing powers, isn't it? Regrettably, the Treacherous East Vdarans have also topped their group - but let us congratulate the inferior nation on their achievement, as fellow Vdaran peoples themselves. We must always seek to bring each other up, no matter how much they seek our downfall, hijack our airplanes, and woo over our women. Nevertheless, there are far worse things at hand - despite being the clear best nation in the World Cup, evil globalist tournament organisers have elected to hold an exhibition match to 'prove West Vdara's worth', and they pitifully dare to call it a 'play-off'."

"So very awful to hear, Stavros! But tell me, tell the people, who must our glorious heroes of the proletariat face to be able to partake in the World Cup?"

"The filthy big-wig capitalists have selected 'Darmen' to face the best team in the world. Worse, they will not be playing in favourable conditions - instead, in a dockyard in Tikariot! Now, of their political instability we don't know much, but we are almost certain that metal-headedness is conducive to capitalism. Thus, we have no choice but to condemn this nation, which has clearly been selected to unsettle our working-class sportsmen. This will definitely not have such an effect on our players, who will undoubtedly continue to embody the West Vdaran Socialist ethos which courses through the veins of our resilient peoples! We wish our very best to them, our courageous footballers, as they prepare to face the Dastardly Darmen."

"Thank you very much, Stavros. Just what would our people do without your passionate coverage of such important events? In other news, the completion of the Karl Marx Library of Socialism and Socialist Peoples has been completed in the capital city today, as part of a wider=ranged project to expand the University of Oi Palames. Eager students can now study our nation's history and ideals on one of the university's three computers, which connect to West Vdara's very own WestNet - now with five educational websites, and more to come! Furthermore, it was reported to us earlier that an explosion occurred on the sea off the coast of Kanaria, stirring fear in the hearts of many of our peoples. Fear not, comrades! This was a test of our brand new 'Ship-Detonator', and did not cause the sinking of one of our navy's most important battleships. How inspiring! That's everything from us for tonight. Tomorrow's 'World Cup Special Edition' shall broadcast without issue. Thank you all for listening, and goodnight."

The Vdaran Information and Intelligence Bureau had done their bit, and it was now time for the players themselves to step up to the mark. Whether or not they made it past their toughest opponents yet did not matter, though. To the millions of West Vdarans back home, they were the greatest heroes the proletariat could ever have, and essentially World Cup winners - and according to the state broadcasters, they absolutely will be.

[Qusmo]

This is the Playoffs cutoff

[Hapilopper]

DID YOU KNOW?... Before Game 2 of the 1964 World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and New York Yankees, on October 8, 1964, Cardinals catcher (and likely chief morale officer) Bob Uecker borrowed a tuba from a band, went out to the outfield during batting practice and shagged fly balls with the tuba. Uecker was fined $260 for the damage to the tuba, according to an article from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. This RP is dedicated to probably the funniest man in the history of baseball, and certainly one of its greatest ambassadors.

Nathan Ellis Field at Capital Stadium, Hapilopper City
World Cup 98 Qualifying Match 14: Hapilopper v. Of the Godless

Plain and simple, the Hapiloppians had to win this match to make it into the World Cup proper. It didn't matter what anyone else d id, if they won this match, they were in the World Cup without having to worry about a playoff. And in most instances, they'd be sweating the match, freaking out about the implications and losing a lot of sleep over it. But... that wasn't what was going on. If they were playing practically any other team in the group, they would be. If it was Yuezhou again, or Baker Park, Cobrio, Panay Islands, Aphrilia or Al-Tamazgha, they'd be pulling their hair out hoping to get a good result.

But this was different. The Haps were playing Of the Godless, by far the worst team in the group, and one of the worst teams in the entire World Cup qualifiers. Consequently, they felt as if they could let off the gas a little bit. They felt as if they could do their normal job, play the game of Funball, kick ass, score goals and have some fun and they'd qualify for their fourth World Cup Proper. There was no need for anyone to do anything to raise the morale of this team - they were already loose and ready to go.

In the minutes leading up to the match, the Hapiloppians were going through their final run-through before the match, just after a marching band hit the field to play a tune or two. Acting on a goofball impulse, Tim Radomia asked a sousaphone player if he could borrow his instrument. He wanted to see if he could do something silly with it - like try to catch free kicks from across the field. For whatever reason, Stan McLamb was blasting balls from coast-to-coast, just like he had done that day he was in the new SuperStadium. Tim put the sousaphone on, stood in front of goal, and started blaring a tune that may or may not have loosely resembled "Mary Had A Little Lamb."

"What the hell is Radomia doing?" Stan asked about 110 yards away, as he looked over toward assistant coach Ernie Stevenson.

"Hell if I know, just keep doing what you're doing," Ernie replied.

Stan had an idea. He stepped back a few steps, ran toward a ball and kicked it as hard as he could. The ball was perfectly on target as it went skyward, arced downward and toward Tim blaring on the sousaphone.

The sound of the sousaphone being played was rough, to say the very least, as Tim had no idea what he was doing. But when the ball slammed into the sousaphone, finding its mark perfectly, it made quite a satisfying honk as the ball clogged the bell, giving Tim a shockwave that knocked the brass instrument silly and knocking Tim even sillier. The sound of football hitting sousaphone from 110 yards could be heard through the entire stadium, sending the fans at Capital Stadium into a frenzy. Tim had to take the sousaphone off as just about everyone around him bust out laughing - with the notable exception of the sousaphone player.

"I'll pay you for it," Tim told the player. And the next day, that sousaphone player received $550 in cash to buy him a new sousaphone, as well as an apology, where Tim let him know that this was a goofy idea and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

The long-range goal, meanwhile, was a preview of things to come. About 25 minutes into the match, a player from Of the Godless went out of bounds with the ball, giving the Hapiloppians a shot to kick the ball back into the field of play. Keeper Lou Hyde gave the ball to Stan McLamb. Stan spotted Rod Cutt a few yards away and beckoned him over.

"Come here, Cutt," Stan said. "You better pay up!"

"Eh?" Rod asked.

"A bet's a bet," Stan said. "Remember what you told me? Case of beer?"

Rod stood there for a second, then realized what Stan was talking about.

"Oh yeah!" Rod exclaimed.

"Watch this," Stan said.

"GET GOING!" the referee shouted. "KICK THE BALL BACK IN PLAY!"

Stan did just that. He stepped back a few yards, then ran toward the ball and kicked it as hard as he could. The ball sailed towards the air, reached its peak near the second deck, and headed down towards the Of the Godless goal. The crowd's volume level got higher and higher, before erupting into a massive explosion. Stan put his arms up in the air and a huge smile came about his face. He had scored a coast-to-coast goal, from one goal to another. He looked over at Rod and nodded his head.

"I want Snap's Gold Star!" Stan shouted.

Rod gave him a thumbs up and ran back into position. Two days later, Stan found three cases of Snap's Gold Star adjacent to his locker, with a note saying "Deal's a deal, asshole" affixed to them.

It was just a sign of things to come. The Haps took their foot off the gas after taking a 4-0 lead and won 4-2 to put them in their fourth World Cup. But in the last few minutes, it seemed as if the Hapiloppian fans were having a hard time controlling themselves. As the referee indicated three minutes of injury time, some fans started rushing toward the field. On three different occasions, the referee had to stop play as fans had taken to the pitch itself. It was so bad, in fact, that head coach Thom Perkins was compelled to take the PA mic to tell the fans to behave.

"LISTEN! LISTEN! We ain't done yet! The referee has to give the final whistle! Y'all can rush the field when he gives the whistle, but don't do it now!" Stan shouted out.

But eventually, the referee blew that final whistle, and seeing both sidelines and end zones behind goal filled with fans, he ran like hell for the tunnel. So too did the Godless players. Thousands of fans were rushing onto the pitch in sheer delight, as for the fourth time and second time in a row, Hapilopper had qualified for the World Cup Proper!

Standing up in the owner's box, Dom Probst and his family, as well as members of the Stevenson family, including Ernie's wife Wendy, their kids, Drake Stevenson, his wife Taylor and their son Kenny, all watched in awe as the fans stormed the field. A group of fans took both goals as well, ripping them apart. Ten minutes later, two groups of fans paraded the goalposts out of Capital Stadium and toward differing locations. The first group took their goalpost - the north end - toward Hamilton Square, the sentimental center of town. They were greeted by a wilding group of fans, all of whom had watched the match from a giant screen overlooking the square and its fountain. After a brief joyous riot, the goalpost wound up in the fountain, and the party there went on well into the wee hours of the morning - into sunrise. The other group took their goalpost, the south end, towards the West River, where a larger group of fans from the Stadium District ran out and joined them. That goalpost was deposited into the river as thousands of Hapiloppians in the Stadium District partied well into the next morning.

[Gnejs]

Enda Clentin’s Last Dance

Chapter three: The Prophecy

Part two: Fecal Fracas

They don’t take matters of prophecy lightly down at the Unit for Delphic Occurrences. No, Rock knows that’s the truth of it. And that’s really the reason Enda Clentin came to coach The Dandelions for so long. However, it’s also a crucial part of the story of how the 98th World Cup cycle became Enda Clentin’s last as the head coach of the Prosaic Union National Football Team.

Back in the days leading up to the qualifications for the 94th World Cup, an immense amount of work and effort was put into the verification process of the accounts brought home by the traumatized Cracquet Delegation members. Down deep below Pebble Street, all the delegation members spoke of the prophecy, but their tales were often disjointed and full of discrepancies. It required extensive work sifting through it all and trying to identify the important pieces and fit them together. It was hard work, but the good people down at DO didn’t complain; this was what they did. Scrutinizing the tales of every delegation member led them closer and closer to something more definitive and potentially verifiable, but it wasn’t until they started looking more thoroughly into the most deeply traumatized of their subjects that everything finally came together. 

Out of all the delegation members, none had been hit harder by events than Roger Ulvheim, the Principal Officer to the Directorate General of the Department of Non-Aligned Diplomacy at The Ministry of Foreign Affairs. While each and every delegation member was mentally scarred for life and all but unfit for societal reintegration (apart from Thom Öland, who came out of the ordeal strangely rejuvenated, but I digress), Roger Ulvheim was the only one that had plunged into full-fledged madness. There was something beastly about the once so strict and proper man, and he had to be confined to a small holding cell, lest he attack and injure those around him. He did not speak, only moved around on all fours and spent his days snarling at no one in particular and smearing the walls with his own feces. But there’s madness and there’s «madness», as the folks down at the DO used to say, and it soon became clear to them that while Ulvheim did not utter words, that did not mean he wasn’t speaking. Those tasked with observing him soon realized that his shit smearing wasn’t arbitrary nonsense, but rather intricate drawings. When the cryptologists were called in, they could swiftly determine that not only did many of these pictures speak of the prophecy as it had been recounted by other delegation members, but they also added new information and context that would prove crucial to understanding the prophecy and verifying its authenticity. 

I would go as far as to say that Ulvheim’s contributions were pivotal, both in the prophecy being verified as authentic, and in interpreting its meaning. Whatever way you care to look at it, the result of all the DO’s effort was the locating and hiring of Enda Clentin as head coach of The Dandelions, and the subsequent monitoring of the unfolding of Fate, namely Enda Clentin guiding The Dandelions to winning the WC. Let’s be clear, they did not care about football per se, it was getting to watch the unfolding of Fate they were concerned with, and this was of course tied to the department's primary objective of gaining a deeper understanding (of everything).

Now, let’s fast forward to around the time when the 97th World Cup was about to end (at least for The Prosaic Union). Enda Clentin was coaching, The Dandelions were doing so-and-so, The Operation Destiny’s Cup Task Force was monitoring the unfolding of Fate, all the delegation members had been sent back into society (apart from Ulvheim, he was still residing in his holding cell) and everything seemed to be like it was supposed to be. That’s when Killer Bob returned from his extensive dimensional travels and brought news from the strange sentient bubble universe of Wight. The news told about how the cruel conditioning of missing PUFF bureaucrat Sverker Danielsson into believing he was actually Enda Clentin had escalated into a full-blown transformation, where Danielsson had seemingly become Clentin (a strange sentient bubble universe version, but still) and how he was now managing the local team Dandelion Town FC and had just guided them to winning the WC (The Waterloo Cup, but still). This sent shockwaves throughout the department and the DO. What were the implications here? Could it be that Fate had already unfolded? Unmonitored? If so, this was nothing short of gross negligence; an era defining opportunity-floundering that would haunt the DO, the department and the ministry forever. 

Consequently, in light of Killer Bob’s story, it was quickly determined that the DO needed to go back, reexamine their work and look back at every single step that had led them to verifying and interpreting the original Delphic occurrence (this was when the ministry forced the Operation Destiny’s Cup Task Force to keep Enda Clentin on as Dandelion head coach and the seeds of the PUFF Civil War were planted). 

So they got to it, every shred of documentation was pulled up and revisited, every traumatized delegation member was hunted down and brought in for requestioning. They were working with different hypotheses. Either, the prophecy itself had never been a true case of greensight and this whole thing had been an enormous waste of time, or the prophecy was indeed genuine but the DO’s interpretation of it incorrect, meaning that the events in Wight was what had been prophesied all along. The third alternative was, of course, that the prophecy was genuine and the interpretation correct, meaning that they were still very much monitoring the unfolding of Fate (and this whole Wight business was just some freakish coincidence). They’re thorough down at the DO, and they’re not above spending some time to make sure things are done properly, which is what they did. It wasn’t until PUFF had long descended into a devastating civil war, and The Dandelions were just about to wrap up trying to qualify for the 98th World Cup with games against Osterhalten and The Holy Empire, that they finally felt ready to make a decision. 

The rigorosity of the case work, the propriety of the rituals conducted. Everything was flawless, and based on all the evidence the DO could do nothing but re-ascertain that they were indeed dealing with a true case of greensight. To their minds, the question if the prophecy was genuine had been answered, leaving only the question of their interpretation of it. Everything seemed very straightforward, and all agreed the interpretation they had put forth all those years ago was still the most reasonable one. So, they were about ready to lay it all to rest and proclaim that Fate was still unfolding. And that could've been the end of it and seal Enda Clentin’s job security in perpetuity, but due to a most diligent DO Advisor that decided to go over the photographs of Roger Ulvheim’s shit drawings one last time, it all went down differently. 

Upon revisiting Ulvheim’s esoteric scribbles, the diligent Advisor noticed tiny specks of shit in the margins of the drawings dealing with the prophecy. In all the years the ministry cryptologists had studied these drawings, the specks had been deemed non-pertinent; just the kind of excess splash that was something of an occupational hazard when working with feces as a means of communication. But when you looked at all the drawings as a whole, rather than separate communiques, you could see that there was a structure and pattern to the peripheral specks; almost like they were encapsulating the entirety of Ulvheim’s body of work in something vaguely reminiscent of a bubble. 

The diligent Advisor presented his findings to his colleagues and superiors, and it changed everything. Many didn’t want to believe it at first, of course, and it required multiple time consuming meetings and seances with the elders of the Boysenberry Synod, but in the end the DO had no choice but rewrite their conclusion. The prophecy was genuine, but their interpretation had been faulty. Fate had already unfolded, unmonitored, in a strange sentient bubble universe. While there was a deep sense of disappointment and shame weighing on everyone’s shoulders, the people of the DO were professionals and realized that they needed to keep calm and carry on. It was decided that the unit director and her second in command would deliver the message to the Task Force and its affiliated institutions the very next day, which coincidentally was the very last match day of the qualification campaign. This would of course prove to be a crucial part of the story of how the 98th World Cup cycle became Enda Clentin’s last as the head coach of the Prosaic Union National Football Team. 

•••

That night, something strange and bewildering happened down there deep below Pebble Street. At the stroke of 03.00, the security camera started picking up movements in Ulvheim’s cell, and out of a dark corner the former Principal Officer came crawling with a deranged smile on his face. He climbed up on a table and put his face right next to the camera, and then he spoke. For the first time in years, he actually uttered intelligible words. It was a shrill voice tinted with evil, the kind of voice old ladies use when they scream at small dogs to stay away from their coats, and it said:

«When the valleymen drop off the stage, and the voice of the valley man goes silent, when stoic press and layered walls make way for the tulip’s stinging bees, then the forces of old will resurface and reclaim The Rock.»

This strange and bewildering occurrence was actually not crucial to the story of how the 98th World Cup cycle became Enda Clentin’s last as the head coach of the Prosaic Union National Football Team, but it was still pretty weird and warrants mentioning. 

[The 14 Stars]

Starsian Wolves are back again

They had to travel a long bit but now it at last was here the match against Zwangzug which would determine which team was going to the world cup and honestly it was a tough draw they had gotten and everyone was aware.
However the Starsian Wolves had fought the odds before and they wouldnt mind doing it again, today even President Michael Raines was attending who as he said was a soccer fan himself and in his youth had played on an amateur level.
Coach Keira Walcott knew that reaching the world cup would be very good for this new generation but also for the veterans and especially Kira Blade who was playing her last world cup and it could very well be her last game today.
As they got to the stadium it looked really impressive and all, it was grand it was a good venue for a great math they had to admit these hosts knew what they were doing in terms of choosing interesting venues.

In the dressing room coach Keira Walcott cleared her throat, she saw determined faces with the team young and old and it would be one of the toughest matches they had played so far and there was alot at stake.

Walcott: ''Alright team listen up, today Zwangzug is the opponent not really an easy game but i know you all can rise to the challenge.
We have played strong teams before like Chromatika, Cassadaigua heck we even played against my home country all these teams were stronger and we all gave them a good run for their money each time.

Today the following players will be starting, Davis, Saturn, Zaratti, Nightwalker, Weber, Hansen, Corson, Raharinaivo, Phillips, Nuñez and Frazier so no changes the usual starters we bring out the strongest crew.
I expect focus, good communication and most importantly......have fun.....soccer is about the fun even if its work!''


the team would go out on the field, the Starsian fans dominating the stands as always and they would cheer on their team greatly as the players got to their warming up like always but more tension was there for sure.
Starsians also brought fireworks and smoke flares to set off but beside that there wasnt much going south, for alot of players this was a monumental game especially the young players like Frazier, Nuñez and Corson who had not yet played such a big game.
Lina Hansen had been present in the last world cup squad but even she was quite young, Kira Blade on the other hand sat on the bench knewing tonight could be her last international match ever to play.
It was bittersweet but she remembered words of her friend Calvin Princeton, the new generation cannot flourish as we old people dont understand when its truly time to step aside to give them that room to grow.

As the match kicked off the team of Zwangzug showed fierceness and dominance and the Starsian Wolves were pushed into the defense which doesnt happen often because the team is very attacking minded and loves possesion of the ball.
though despite this Zaratti had excellent grasp of the defense and Nightwalker and Weber worked together flawlessly and Zaratti didnt even need to look at Maddie Saturn as she knew the drill and those two veterans knew eachother through and through.
It was probably weird for the Zwangzug team to met more defense then expected but what may frustrate them even more is the fact that they would be not able to break said defense no matter how much they tried, also Emily Davis ofcourse was making great saves a well known goalie in the international scene and the main goalkeeper for the Starsian side for years now.
With no goals from either side they would reach halftime and it was a very clean and high paced game, both teams moved the ball quickly around and there would be little to no reason to make changes.
In the second half there was no much diffrence from the first half honestly, for some reason the teams seemed equally matched but it was also now that the Starsian team played exceptionally good and the team came together as one to stand against the challenge.
In the 77th minute there was one single substitute and it was one met with very loud roars and cheers because Kimora Frazier was subbed off but in her place was now coming on Kira Blade the national pride of the 14 Stars.
Everyone chanted Kira's name as she was subbed in and Kira couldnt help but wave to the crowd as she as an older player still got so much love from the fans and she had not expected that, alot of the people though had grown up with Kira Blade and it was Kira Blade who always had been the consistent factor in Starsian soccer and even now.

90 minutes passed and no real winner was found, extra time meant physical strain, mental strain and everyone getting pushed to the challenge even the Zwangzug team certainly was pushed to their limits in this match.
This wasnt what they had signed for, it was against the odds and the Starsian team had enough chances to win and in the 2nd half of extra time nearly Kira Blade scored but the ball instead did hit the goalpost and went out of play with a goal kick following it.
After 120 minutes of game it was still undecided and that meant that penalties would be determining which team would make it through to the World Cup and which team would have to hope and pray for a Cup of Harmony invitation.

Keira Walcott as coach gathered the Starsian team and said ''Good game so far everyone, you all held up so well....whatever happens next i am proud of you all and no one cant say that we didnt give all we got cause they could see that today.
Penalties will be taken in the following order, Paula Nuñez, Layla Raharinaivo, Elizabeth Phillips, Lina Hansen and Kira Blade you will take them and we will hope for the best to come from out in all honesty.''


As everyone got ready Paula Nuñez took the first penalty and she.......MISSED! the ball went against the goal post and out a horrible mistake but then again she was very young only 22 years....it had been too much for her.
Luckily for her the 1st penalty by Zwangzug was stopped by Emily Davis who agressively punched it out the goal, she would keep her team in the game for now and Davis knew this would be a game for her to decide.
Layla Raharinaivo the experienced midfielder would calmly run up and SCORE the penalty sendin the goalkeeper into the wrong corner, however the next Zwangzug penalty was also a goal unstoppable for Emily Davis.
Elizabeth Phillips was next and she too had been through more then enough and she SCORED her penalty with confidence as the Zwangzug goalie stood nailed to the ground ot sure what had just happened.
Zwangzug also scored the next penalty sending Emily Davis to the wrong side of the goal despite her best efforts, however next up was Lina Hansen and she rammed it into the top corner like it was nothing putting us ahead again.
Then the Zwangzug penalty taker took a run but instead of the goal the shot went high and wide ending up in the upper ring of the stadium never to be found again and this meant one goal was enough to decide the game.

Kira Blade was the last penalty taker, if she scored....it would be over.....then The 14 Stars would go to the world cup and now at 36 years old in her last ever world cup run Kira Blade had the decision at her feet.
She took a calm run and she.......SCORED a very risky panenka but the keeper never expected such risk in the final penalty and it was over the fans ran down everyone ran onto the field, the team, the fans heck even the coaching staff ran onto the field in joy.
Everyone would chant ''Kira, Kira, Kira!'' and she had done it again even at her age Kira Blade one last time had made history for her country by leading her team to World Cup 98 where they would go prove their worth.


It would later come out they were drawn in the so called group of death, an old familiar team in Baggieland but also the nations squornshelan remnant states and the Ko-oren were drawn into their group respectively.
It would be tough but they looked at it this way....if they could beat a team like Zwangzug.....why couldnt they beat these ones? they had always defied expectations and they were set on a continuation of that trend under Keira Walcott as coach.

[Sarzonia]

The stakes weren't anything close to even the World Cup 98 qualifying stage finale, but Caleb Rush was still fuming.

His Sarzonian national football team had just lost 5-4 to Zenic in the grand opening friendly at the new Nicole Lewis Stadium in Woodstock. Granted, it was a post-qualifying friendly and not a World Cup match, but after the team's 2-0 loss to Bongo Johnson, Rush was in no mood for rationalising.

"We didn't support each other in the back. We left our goalkeepers out to dry. We weren't fluid enough defensively, and even though our offence played well, we need to be a lot more consistent out there," Rush said.

When asked what he told the team both at halftime, which saw the two teams level at 3-3, before the match and after the final whistles, Rush said bluntly, "that's between me and the players." Rush became noticeably less abrasive when he was asked about Nicole Lewis Stadium.

"It's a beautiful venue," he said. "I understand it's going to replace Dave Wilson Stadium as the national stadium. I'm sure a lot of people will have mixed emotions about that. I know I do. Dave Wilson Stadium is a historic venue. It's had some important matches held there. All the same, it's exciting to open a brand new venue, especially one that has a roof over it. It's going to be nice to not have to worry about freezing temperatures during the dead of winter."

Rush was asked about his team's performance in the defeat to Zenic after Sarzonia played a 2-2 draw against Saterun prior to World Cup qualifying.

"I just hope we can get results in the matches that count," Rush said. "I don't care if we go 0-for-every friendly if it results in us living up to expectations in the matches that truly mean something."

[Audioslavia]

Carrying the One

Parts [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8]
[9][10][11]
[12][13][14][15][16][17][18]19

---

A few thousand years ago, Audioslavia had a disastrous fourteen minute experiment with a monarchy. Regardless of how meaningless those fourteen minutes were, the very fact that there was a monarchy at all means two things are true forever. First, there will forever be a lineage of descendants of the usurped monarch. Secondly, it will always occur to at least one person in the world that, hey, maybe there should be a king after all, and while there is a person with a claim to said kinghood, there will always be a Restoration movement, no matter how small or disorganised.

In Audioslavia’s case, there’s also a counter-restoration movement, which aims to brutally murder anyone on Audioslavian soil should they hold the title of first in line to the throne

---

“Listen, I don’t know who you are, or what you want, but… I don’t want this, okay? I never wanted to be King” said Fraser, still not daring to turn to face his would-be assassin.
“I mean, you’re not King” said the figure behind him. “It’s a republic."
“You know what I mean. Look.” said Fraser. His mind was racing. He was prepared to say anything, anything, if it meant not dying there and then. “Look I could just scream for the Guards. You’d never get out in time.”
“I’ve got money” said the figure. “Flutter a bit of that down the stair-well - a lot of it, maybe - and I reckon those guards aren’t sprinting up them quite so fast” said the voice.
“Doesn’t matter” said Fraser. “One of them. One them won’t care. Or they’ll just take the money *and* kill you.”
“Why would they kill me?” Said the figure. “I’m just an old man. Besides. I’m not even armed.”

Fraser turned round, slowly. The figure in the doorway was smaller than he’d expected. Hair very thin, whitish grey, arranged into something resembling a messy side-parting. He would have been smartly dressed if he’d turned up looking like this 35 years ago, but it rather looked -and smelled - like he’d spent most of those 35 years wearing these exact clothes.

Fraser narrowed his eyes.

“I recognise you” said Fraser.
“Course you do” said the man. “I’m Jeremy Bloody Jaffacake. If there’s a more recognisable man I don’t know who he is.”
“I don’t get it, if there were a man who were more recognisable than you, you wouldn’t know who it was? That’s…”
“You know what I mean. Look, I’m the funny guy around here, you’re the straight man, you don’t get jokes, you stand there and get exposition bounced off you until you somehow die surprisingly and hilariously, okay?”
“…What?” said Fraser.
“Nevermind” said Jeremy. “Perks of being part of the Fourth Estate, around here” he continued, raising a fist, extending the knuckle of his middle finger just a little further than the other, holding his arm to his left and somehow managing to ‘knock’ on the air. He made it sound like the screen of a CRT television. “Plenty of access to the Fourth Wall” he continued. “I’m not here to kill you, Mr. Farrington. I’m here to interview you”
Fraser Farrington was too tired to deal with this. Of all the questions flooding his mind, only one arriving fully-formed.
“Why sneak into my house?”
“Same reason that Craig tried it” said Jeremy. “Bit of pizzazz. Only he’s clearly a fuckin’ amateur. A posh amateur at that. Sit down” said Jeremy. Fraser, who for a king was quite used to just following orders these days, took up a seat on the swivel chair. Jeremy stayed standing, but ambled further into the room, looking at the drawn curtains that had given the room such an eerie feel.
“Craig’s too posh to have broken in here” said Jeremy, finally. “Eight detached two-up two-downs in a row? And you know they’ll either be empty or have a complement of Guards that are supposed to be outside? Simple.”
“How?” Said Fraser. He didn’t sound like he particularly wanted to know. Jeremy pretended he had his full attention regardless.
“How many windows does this house have?” Asked Jeremy. Fraser shrugged.
“Er, 10?” He guessed.
“Eight” said Jeremy. “All these types of houses, all of the world, they always have eight. Front has three and a door, back has four, and then there’s one at the side. Other side to the side door.”
“A window on the side of the house?” Said Fraser, thinking. “Nah, I’d’ve seen it”
“Yep” said Jeremy. “Bathroom window. Wee one”
Fraser thought. There was, indeed, a window there. His mind had overlooked it.
“Every time you pull up to your house on the drive, you drive past it. Little window that goes to the bathroom under the stairs. If you can jimmy that open, and trust me, anyone can jimmy one open, you can crawl through into the downstairs toilet, make sure the coast is clear, then walk out the toilet and walk out the side door. Then the next house the same. Bathroom window, toilet door, side door, bathroom window, toilet door, side door. You don’t walk up to the front door like a div”
“Fine” said Fraser. “You’re the greatest thief in the world”
“I aint stolen nothing” said Jeremy Jaffacake. A pause. “Okay no that’s a lie I liked that pack of burgundy napkins, those are in my bag”
“And you’re here to interview me?” Said Jeremy. “I mean… I already did an interview with Now Then”
“AI tripe and you know it” said Jeremy. “What you want, what you want is to get your message out there before it’s too late. I’m your guy. I’m the best connected guy in the multiverse. I’ve got feelers in more places than fuckin… than… fuckin Tetsuo from the end of that movie. You know, just like…”
Jeremy did an impression of a large ball sucking things into it. He did it very badly. He looked more like a goldfish sumo wrestler wafting a fart.
“So you’re connected” said Fraser. “So why should…”
“Look, do you not have any dignity?” Said Jeremy. “Every time anyone speaks to you you just… you roll your eyes and you ask whatever the next question should be. Is that something associated with the supposed Royal Family? You just become a tutting vehicle for exposition? A straight man for whoever you’re talking to?”
“I don’t know” said Fraser. “But it sounds like you’re approaching a point, so please continue”
“Okay that time you were just being sarcastic” said Jeremy. “But look. Me and you. We have a connection” said Jeremy. He found himself pausing for Fraser to say ‘oh, how?’ But figured it would be better to press on.
“There’s you, the First in Line” said Jeremy, now waving his arms thoughtfully as he spoke, pacing slowly around the bedroom. “Born with a target on your back that’s only gotten bigger as time has gone on. There’s a million Audioslavians who would just love to kill you. I dare say a few of them must be in Bostopia right now, figuring out a way to deal with your guards. Now you’re here, Audioslavian soil, I have to say, you’re the most killable person in history. Since a great great grandfather of yours or two, anyway”
Jeremy looked around and was delighted to find a small plastic skull. It was a decorative pencil sharpener, in reality, but Jeremy decided he was going to brandish it like it was Yorick and he was a very posh actor.
“And then there’s me. Centuries old” said Jeremy. “Easily the least killable person in the history of the multiverse” he continued. Fraser harrumphed. Jeremy, incredulous, pointed behind Fraser in the direction of Fraser’s laptop.
“Go look it up” said Jeremy. “Who, exactly, is more everlasting, more eternal, more indispensable, than Jeremiah J. Jaffacake? Hmm? I’ve been doing this shit, this narrative shit with too much dialogue and not enough what-the-guy-is-doing-when-he-says-it, for over twenty years now. Twenty years!” Said Jeremy, who at this point was still pacing idly around the darkened room. “Twenty years forum time. Centuries to you” he continued. "Mate, I was in roleplays in World Cup Six. It's me and Tzimisces for the title Most Eternal and that's it. I"m Indispensable."
“And that’s your angle?” Asked Fraser
“I can see it now” said Jeremy Jaffacake. “The big interview. The most killable person in history, interviewed by the least killable person in history”
“Slappable” offered Fraser.
“Oh most definitely” said Jeremy, turning, giving Fraser a wry smile. “But not killable.”
“What’s in it for me”
“What is it that you want?” Said Jeremy. “Peace and quiet, sure, but what about the chance to go back to Audioslavia?” he asked, rhetorically. Fraser looked up.
“With a million people wanting to kill me on general principle?”
“Now, sure” said Jeremy. “But with the right story, with the right public image, we could minimise that. Maybe even… hey. It’s possible. Maybe at the end of your story, there’s a crown. A Kingdom. A Kingdom of Audioslavia.”
“Are you seriously suggesting that if I do an interview with you, you’ll make me sodding King?” Asked Fraser, shaking his head. Fraser stood up. Jeremy gave him a generous smile.
“Of course not” said Jeremy. “I’ll give you the first step, though” he continued. Jeremy turned, grabbed the bottom corner of each of the curtains, and flung them open dramatically, letting the afternoon sunlight beam into the room, onto their faces.
“Exposure!” Said Jeremy.
“Exposure” said Fraser. “You’re going to do the work and you’re going to pay me in exposure”
Jeremy turned to face Fraser once more. He reached into a pocket and reached for a business card.
“The story writes itself” said Jeremy.
“My story doesn’t write itself” said Fraser. “And if it does, my story has a sick sense of humour and a penchant for just throwing me in the shit and seeing what happens” said Fraser. He watched as Jeremy produced a business card from his shirt pocket, holding it in his right hand, as if saluting a superior with it, before moving to offer it to Fraser.
“I was going to emblazon it with world’s least killable person bu..

It made no sound. That’s the thing. They move faster than sound. By the time you hear it, it’s too late. It’s already navigated its entire path. Chamber to Barrell, Barell to Air, Air to Window, Window to the former holder of the title of World’s Least Killable Man.

---

Bulls Back in the Big Time
Drawn with co-hosts Kytler Peninsulae in Group A, Audioslavia look to navigate a path to the knockouts

Though the Bulls finished Qualifying well adrift of rivals Squornshelous, having “avenged” their 0-2 defeat with a one-all draw at the national stadium (not the first time this has happened. World Cup 17 saw the Bulls lose 1-4 to Squornshelous before gaining almost no revenge whatsoever via a second-phase 0-0 tie), the national side find themselves in the World Cup for just the third time since World Cup 90.

Joining the side in Group A are a Host, a H

The side’s record against our three Group A group mates is shaky, and hopefully no barometer at all for how things will go come June. Against [I]The Kytler Peninsulae, the Bulls are 0-0-1, having lost our only encounter with the World Cup 98 hosts in the second Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree invitational tournament before World Cup 66. West Barack and East Obama start out as second favourites to make it out of the group, and will both be new opponents for the Bulls.

The real story for Audioslavia comes in the form of the group’s dark horses. Dark horses for the rest of the world, maybe. The Bulls know all too much about them.

Audioslavia first met Abanhfleft back when we were both in better shape. World Cup 76, opening day, the Bulls, a top-ten team in the world for a decade at that point, swept aside the Revolutionaries by five goals to two on the way to a then-record ninth appearance in the World Cup final. It was, as we now know, to be the side’s last.

Four cycles on, World Cup 80, an altogether rougher-round-the-edges Bulls could only make the World Cup playoffs, where they’d meet Abanhfleft once more. 1-0 winners away, Audioslavia just had to avoid defeat at home in the second leg to continue their run of never having failed to qualify for the World Cup since cycle 62. Abanhfleft were the better team, won out 3-2, and consigned Audioslavia to only a fourth appearance in the Cup of Harmony.

Two meetings in World Cup 90 were both won by the only good Audioslavia team of the entire intervening period. By the time of Audioslavia’s next meeting with the Revolutionaries, the side had long since tumbled out of the public’s eye when it came to the question of world class football teams. The Bulls beat Abanhfleft at home, but lost the second encounter away from home, went on to be defeated by Cardenao a few days later, and somehow fail to qualify for the most qualifiable World Cup in living memory.

Manager Salvador Monterroso must be aware of the situation here, wherein a single win, and keeping the head above fourth place, should turn out to be good enough to make the second stage. If three points are going to come from anywhere, they’re likelier to come from our familiar old foes than they are from Messrs Kytler or Obama, both more than twenty places ahead of the Bulls in the rankings. A win against Abanhfleft, and we’ll have one foot in the knockouts.

That game comes on Matchday Three. In the run up to that showdown, anything we can take from the Hosts with the Most or the Homes with the Drones will be a bonus.

---

Rubio Sanches hit 'enter' on the article before finally allowing himself to turn his attentions to his phone. It had been buzzing like a bee in a bucket-hat for two solid minutes now. As a journalist, you couldn't ignore that. It might be something important.

He looked at the first messages, then the others as they flooded in. Around him, every phone was dinging with the same notification.

[HUElavia]

Let's Go To The World Cup!

HUElavia returns to the World Cup with serious aspirations for a good run in their 1st appearance in the expanded World Cup!

After the acrimonious elimination in the Qualifiers for World Cup 97, there's been a whole 180* change in the fortunes for HUElavia. Getting the Cup of Harmony 85 title to then follow it up with the Independent Associations Championship 22 Title, their 1st and 3rd title respectively, served as a massive momentum boost for the team and the nation. On top of that, a historic Multiversal Super Cup win over SRS would give HUElavia good motivation to do well after beating the defending World Champions in the series. From there, it was a good set of results setting up the team for the Qualifiers, as they were put as a low-ranked Pot 1 team for the two-year qualifying cycle.

HUElavia would have one of it's finest moments in the Qualifiers, going on a romp throughout the Qualifiers. In 14 matches, HUElavia had a staggering record of 12-2-0, finally having an undefeated record for the first time in team history. And this team was rightly justified to have such a record. It turned out to be the best overall record among the participants, having the best overall record. Only an away game at Lacivea and a home game against The 14 Stars proved to be the games where the team dropped points with a 0-0 and 2-2 draw respectively. HUElavia were just two goals away from an entirely perfect qualifiers, but it is what it is. At the end, it was an obligation for Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos to qualify to the World Cup.

Thus, the great run bore good fruits as the team jumped from 20th to 14th in the rankings. Essentially making them a high Pot 2 team for the Group Stage draw. HUElavia was motivated to take on whomever the organizers would draw. HUElavia (14) was put into Group G with the likes of Elmyia (41), Kamijiro (59) and Kelssek (3). A rematch awaits against Kamijiro when they met in the qualifiers some years ago, but the most notable rematch is against Kelssek. HUElavia had last faced them in the Round-of-16 in World Cup 95, where Los Amarillos/Os Amarelos eliminated them in a Penalty Shootout to advance to the Quarter-Finals for the first time in team history, the furthest the team has reached up to now. Coach Casillas was pleased with the draw, stating "We're grateful to be back and we're glad with the group stage draw. They're all respectable opponents that we look forward to taking on. Many of the Yamoto-HUElavians will feel interested in that matchup against Kamijiro, in what can be a nice cultural exchange of sorts. The match against Kelssek is a nice rivalry rematch once more and it's one that a lot of the multiverse will be tuning in for. It's the first time we're taking on Elmyia, so I look forward to that as well. Still, I want this team to be pragmatic and realistic and I want to take it a game at a time. As a famous coach once said, we respect all but fear none. The team, staff and I hope to make this a memorable edition of the World Cup for HUElavians at home and abroad to enjoy." HUElavia will be playing their group stage matches at Tikariot, opening Matchday 1 against Kamijiro at Tovaca at 21h, followed by Kelssek at Cobden at 21h for Matchday 2, closing Matchday 3 against Elmyia at Tovaca once more at 17h.

Most of the main players have returned, with the drops of Di Laura (Pregnancy), Dias and Jacquet (Injury). Thus, Pavlona moves up as the 2nd CB, while Asano and Go, two great young players go as the backups in midfield in their place. The media and the fans have reacted well, praising for the good faith in the players chosen, although some thought that the young talent of Ronaldo Arruda Barbosa should've been called up and possibly pick up minutes and experience. Either way, Coach Casillas gave his praise and confidence in the roster, trusting them and calling them the best that HUElavia has at this moment. There is still some good youth in this roster with strong potential to be tapped into.

Back in HUElavia, fans are buying tickets as well as buying the official sticker album once more, with millions trading stickers in swap meets throughout the country in what has become a popular pastime for HUElavians. Mant=y are buying jerseys and scarves as they hope to support the team in droves. Here's to hoping for a good opening match against Kamijiro and for making a strong statement. HBC, HBC 2, and HBC 3 will be broadcasting the games, while HBC+ will livestream all the matches for those with a paid subscription.

FORCA HUELAVIA! VAMOS HUELAVAI! GO HUELAVIA!

[Ko-oren]

NS World Cup Fantasy Qualification

World Cup 98 Qualifiers in Review! Large image!

[Farfadillis]

In the run-up to the match against Huayramarca, Yuan still felt uneasy about the whole 'Hellscroll' thing. To make a long story short, Tuskoles Yagaras, in his infinite... not necessarily wisdom, but definitely agency, had managed to procure (in fact, design from first principles) a most bizarre artifact using the venom of a species of the much-maligned, but still correctly-maligned, genus of frogs that lives in Farfadillis whose poison literally sends you to Hell. The actual specifics are a bit more nuanced: the poison doesn't send you to Hell (it's unclear, at least), but brainscans of victims have shown that anyone unlucky enough to touch one of these frogs exhibits the exact brain activity of someone being tortured to degrees that are almost impossible to put in concrete terms, while simultaneously being dead in every other respect. From a religious point of view, anyone coming across one of these frogs would think they send you to their version of Hell. Which in the case of most Farf religions is, incidentally, a lot of very bright and horrible fire, completely coincidentally aligned with pop representations of mainstream versions of Hell.

Continuing the digression, because it's important: Tuskoles had managed to isolate enough of the hellpoison, and manipulated it in just the right way (he's a chemist by trade, remember!) to create a scroll that appears to create a literal deal with the devil, of sorts. A toned down version. The scroll can predict the future, to a very limited degree, rather reliably. The problem is one has to apparently adhere to counterintuitive, seemingly non-sensical rituals when manipulating the scroll to avoid a fate worse than death. Tuskoles warned Yuan that coming up with the exact protocol he'd have to use before football matches had come at the cost of "many men, women, and possibly some children, but none of them were good people, don't worry". All of this is to say, the scroll worked, but was dangerous. The question Yuan wanted to use it for, right now, was what Huayramarca's tactics would roughly look like.

The ritual had a certain gravity to it, despite being completely absurd. Specifically, to begin with, he had to let a few eggs splash and bam and splat on the floor. Gravity, done. After that, Yuan donned the kraken gloves. The gloves had, well, kraken texture. That is a bad thing, for the record. Mildly uncomfortable at best. The candles absolutely had to be lavender, Tuskoles insisted, but Yuan could not shake the feeling this was a prank: he absolutely despised lavender. He hated it enough to ignore the various extremely personal whispers in his ears, threatening him, his family and even his favorite soap brand. Tuskoles had assured him that the chanting was "vital for the vibes," so Yuan started screaming something vaguely arcane, to the likely discomfort of the rest of the people staying at the hotel: "Tunicam Retrorsum Indui." He wasn't sure what it meant, but it sounded kinda important, and that’s what mattered. Slowly, he unrolled the scroll, wondering why his shirt felt like a bad fit for the occasion, holding his breath like a man defusing a bomb. He could end up horribly impaired, or worse, if he did not mostly stick to protocol, after all. The ink zigzagged across the page in predictably stupid patterns, before finally settling into whatever this was: "He without a hand will confuse. The girl will try to dominate. Success lies in the mother brothers." The scroll went blank again, and Yuan could make out a whisper from the other end of the room. "You win this time, Yuan," it said. "The shirt thing was really smart," the maybe-demon confessed, "honestly, props," the whisperer said. A faint hiss later, its presence vanished.

Yuan sat there, staring at the now-empty scroll, and thought to himself: “This job is really fucking stupid I fucking hate it.” He decided to text Tuskoles. "The scroll says he without a hand will confuse, and the girl will look to dominate, but success, if it is to come, will lie in the mother brothers' performance." Brief, informative. Tuskoles would be able to make out what he meant from context.

Tuskoles was prompt to respond. "Great to hear! Now you know what to do. Busy now, won't be able to respond for a few days, but do keep me updated. TY." Yuan had never really gotten around to asking whether TY was Tuskoles thanking him or just his initials.

Yuan sighed. Of course the meaning was obvious to Tuskoles. Too obvious. Yuan was left to collect the pieces of the strange puzzle the scroll had left for him. But first, he'd take off the stupid kraken gloves.

Yuan placed the scroll back into its designated hiding place: a crayon case with instructions not to eats its contents very boldly and very heavily highlighted. Insultingly so, even. Anyway, he did it with the care of a non-Farf handling a live grenade, then immediately forgot about it and shoved the case under his chair. Out of sight, out of mind. He decided to go for a short walk. Fifteen-ish minutes, give or take fifteen. He was back in about two minutes. The cleaning service had arrived, and he'd forgotten the FFFF had hired the 'Extra Invasive, Take No Hostages' cleaning option. Sure enough, the scroll was now gone. "Right, of course," Yuan thought to himself. "Reconsider? Please?” he muttered, as if the powers that be might. They didn’t.

The stupid kraken gloves had somehow not been taken, though. He stared at them with intense frustration. They did not stare back. Of course. Stupid gloves.