Games of the VII Olympiad - RP Thread

[Akbarabad]

A.O.F blasts lowered entry restrictions.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): The Akbarabad Olympic Federation has strongly come out against the lower number of entries allowed for the Emberton Games as compared with with previous Olympics. The limit on entries has been heavily criticized in Akbarabad as designed solely to "nerf" the medal potential of successful countries such as ours. Other potential measures mooted by the hosts, such as limits on star athletes would also have heavily harmed our chances had they not been withdrawn under a storm of international criticism.

"We led the medal table in the previous summer games, but with the new rules that were going to adopted would have completely ruled out a repeat performance," commented new A.O.F head Jafar Ali. " Hell, I don't think we would have bothered to compete if they were. As it is with a smaller delegation that we have been obliged to send due to the lowered entry limits, fans can forget about celebrating the gold medal wins of the previous two games. Only a move back to the traditional rules would allow for the possibility."

The A.O.F seemed to echo the comments of numerous sports fans in Akbarabad who have already dubbed the Emberton Games as the worst one ever, although calls to boycott the Games in protest have so far been ignored. Disappointing results already in the Men's Gymnastics qualifications however don't bode well for the Game's reputation among the general public.

[Carmadin]

"Come on! Aren't those papers filed yet?"

"No, i'm sorry, but, you know, when the language is in complete overhaul, it's difficult to get names compiled and sent"

"Well, if it's not done pronto, we'll have a major issue! I may even be fired!"

"Oh no, what will we do then?"

"I don't know, but it had better involve getting those rosters to the Emberton organizing committee!"

"Okay, okay"

***

Noymee Dehcahnur watched her bosse's back exit the door of her tiny office. When she was satisfied he had gone, she threw the papers containing Carmadin's olympic rosters to the side, and flipped open her laptop. She took a sip of cold coffee, and began to type away on her keyboard.

The Unglamorous look at the Emberton Games- From the offices of the Carmadin NOC

Noymee Dehcahnur

Well, here I am. First post on this new blog i've set up. Right now, I'm supposed to be filing and sending the rosters for the team sports in to the Emberton Organizing Commitee. My department is called an "organizing" department too, but we're anything but. If the EOC is half as organized as we are, at least they'll only need three or four bulldozers to clear out all the papers. Emberton, I feel for you.

But, what I'm supposed to be doing, and what I am doing, are related. That dosen't happen often, according to my boss (and, all right, I'll admit it too). But, I'm supposed to be filing the team sports rosters. My first post here is about the team sports. Dont know if any of you all have been following the updates and everything at www.embertongames.kt, but on that site (follow the link, it's very informative), the group draws have just been announced.

Now, all readers in other nations, you can just start skimming now, becuase i'll be focused on Carmadin in this part. If you're in Carmadin's group for anything, read it, as i'll probably mention you guys once or twice.

So, let's start with the first draw announced- Men's Water Polo.

GROUP TWO
Kelssek
Carmadin
Arcadian Islands
Cotdelapoms
Liventia
Lymantatia

This is going to be an interesting group, as Carmadin, one of the top Water Polo teams, faces off against some of the most seasoned and well-respected sporting nations of the world. Look for Carmadin and Klessek to be duking it out for top of this group and a knockout round berth. Water Polo is loved in Carmadin, and I'll probably be watching some matches myself, even though men in Speedos and baby bonnets aren't my thing.

GROUP SEVEN
Carmadin
Vilita and Turori
Benjamin Mark
Mantwenic
Carpathia and Ruthenia

In women's water polo, maybe that's where Carmadin will be able to pull up some reults. We're the top seed in our group, and if we can hold off the combined delegation of Vilita and Turori, we could move on to the knockout rounds. In fact, as far as I can tell, our women's water polo team looks like a medal contender!


Basketball. Just what is it? Never understood the sport, probably never ever will. So, I can't write about it, can I?
I suppose as a NOC worker, I should be able to understand all the sports, but Basketball and Equestrian just never came to me.

GROUP SEVEN
Ko-oren
Camwood
Carmadin

Even with a group of just three, our men's team looks pretty screwed, to tell you the truth. Ko-oren seems good, but, like I said, I can't tell with this basketball.

GROUP THIRTEEN
Kosovoe
Cafundéu
Carmadin

Even in the women's version of Basketball, we've got some difficulty, though here, I suppose I'd be happy if we were even able to scrape up a win. It certainly looks more possible.
I'm sick and tired of Basketball, already. I'm writing this blog to make me happier, right? If I wanted boring drudgery, I'd be working now, wouldn't I?
Let's go to something I love-Football.

GROUP FIFTEEN
Carmadin
Mantwenic
Lymantatia

Our boys were just eliminated from the World Cup. I hate even typing that. The bright side is, they have a chance for Olympic success, and maybe even a run in the CoH. The first part of that, "Olympic Success", looks to be a possibilty. With just 2 games, and as the top seed in group fifteen, Carmadin has a very good chance of advancing to the knockout rounds, and going far in those as well.

GROUP FOURTEEN
Carmadin
Camwood
Ferkas

In the Women's footy, a team that plays only a game a year (against Darmen in the Copa de Mercury), will try and pull away with success in this 3-team group in Emberton. They certainly have a chance, as the top seed in the group, but will need to watch out for Camwood and seasoned Olympic competitiors Ferkas, though that may not be a challenge. These girls get a "we'll see".

GROUP ONE
Shofercia
Carmadin
Akbarabad
Vilita and Turori

Group One! That's good luck, right?
Wrong.
The Men's handball team sure has their work cut out for them here in the Group stage, facing off against skilled top seeds Shofercia, as well as Akbarabad and the lethal combination of Vilita and Turori. We'd be hard-pressed to advance from this group, but watch nonetheless for some great handball action!

GROUP TWO
Cassadaigua
Cotdelapoms
Carmadin
Icemark
Valanora
Akbarabad

Women's handball looks deceptively easy, as two teams advance from each group. "Great, and we're the third seed. Perfect"
Until you realize that the two above us are Cassadaigua, one of the leading nations for women's sports in the whole world, and Cotdelapoms, home of the world's most elite handball league.
Not so easy after all.

GROUP ELEVEN
Homelands Our
Khabarovsk Krai
Carmadin

I understand it's difficult, and all, but I always crack up whenever I see guys playing field hockey. To me, it'll always be a girl sport. Stereotypical, maybe, but that's just my thought. Probably why our men's team will be crashing out in the first round, as the bottom seed in this group of 3.

GROUP TWO
Ferkas
FSSO
Carmadin

In this group of three, we're still the bottom seed, but I could see Carmadin winning at least one game, right?
Right?

Now to my favorite sport...

GROUP EIGHT
C Dahmehn / L Kteh (CRM)
S Hogan / O Bowen (CPS)
V Maksone / M Iota (VIL)
K o Kainalu / S Long (TBI)
I Traunin / N Stjornan (KOR)

GROUP FIFTEEN
P Daehvó / G Chó (CRM)
M Nyavo / K Bomono (BTN)
N Johansson / H Gregory (CMR)
A Mason / M Hammer (TSP)

Carmadin is so good at beach volleyball, it's incredible. Chaydfahn Dahmehn and Lohjik Kteh are the top seed in group eight for the men's version, and Plohkeet Daehvó and Gón Chó are the top picks in group fifteen. Personally, I love the game for the speed, accuracy, and pace (definetly not Gón Chó's abs.....).

GROUP SIX
S Davis / J George (KRY)
L Dóchur / MJ Kihndur (CRM)
A Sanbutsen / M Kauldelkarrea (EUS)
T Rojas / E Batchelor (DAR)
H Tianfu / S Pifunwe (MZO)

GROUP NINE
R Hart / N Watts (AIS)
P Turcheht / X Jehleht (CRM)
S Hamaguchi / M Dawson (FSC)
K Buckhannon / O Hammel (MAN)
H Morgan / A Dodgson (LEN)

In the women's version, which is much less enjoyable, we have Lestee Dóchur and Mahlehnt jopehtur Kihndur making the pair that all the guys in my department are going crazy over, and I have to say I can't blame them. Lestee Dóchur is only a little bit better-looking than the sexiest supermodel in the multiverse (according to my male colleague, who shall remain nameless).
Anyway, look for the Carmie females to be heating up the beach in more ways than one in Emberton!

GROUP EIGHT
Chenkorya
Gandham Islands
Carmadin
Northern Sunrise Islands
Sargossa

The final team sport is Indoor Volleyball, way less fun to watch than beach, but I suppose more sophisticated (though who wouldn't want to see Gón Chó or Plohkeet Daehvó shirtless?.....).
Anyway, our teams in this event get a collective "meh", as the men's team takes the third out of six seeds in their group. They should win enough games to raise our hopes, then lose so they don't advance.
Story of Carmadin Sports.

GROUP FIVE
Bergnovinaia
Camwood
Vilita & Turori
Carmadin
Chenkorya

Don't expect too much from the women's team, they're really just there to provide puching bags for giants such as Bergnovinaia, springboards to propel the better teams into the knockout rounds.

Well, that's your Emberton team sports preview, I guess.
Now, I have to stop this, and continue slacking off by watching some Women's football and Men's gymnastics qualifiers.
Then, I have to sleep.

See you all soon

-Noymee

[The Kiaser Colonies]

Match Day 1 Success for TKC Women's Football Team


The Kiaser Colonies Women's football team celebrating their 1-0 victory against Wight on day -2 of the Olympic Games in Emberton, Krytenia

The Kiaser Colonies had a great start to their Olympic Games campaign as the women's football team pulled of a 1-0 win against Wight in the only match in group 6 on the first day of competition. With nation wide popularity in the game dropping severely a good result in the Olympics was a must to keep the nation competitive at international level. Thankfully for Christine O'Leary and the rest of the team they got the start they needed. The atmosphere at the match was lacklustre at best with only members of the players family that made the journey to Krytenia attending. The opening minutes of the game were tight and slow paced with both teams laboriously passing their way up the field. Eventually Wight began to get adventurous in their attack and were threatening Nicole Barnett's goal. Mid-way through the half, after several close calls a great saves by Barnett, The Kiaser Colonies also began to push forward and create opportunities of their own. For the remainder of the half both sides continued sparring until the referee called half time.

Neither side made any changes for the start of the second half and the game began where it left off with an end to end game. Although Wightgained control of territory and possession, it was The Kiaser Colonies' Alex Morgan who scored the games only goal just after the hour mark. The Highroyds FC striker ended up with the ball just out side the 18 yard box after a clearing kick from a Wight corner by Kelly O'Hara resulted in Heather O'Reilly receiving the ball just inside the Wight half and facing only 3 defenders with both Amy Rodriguez and Morgan in support. The quick counter was too much for Wight to handle and Morgan was able to finish from 19 yards to put The Kiaser Colonies 1-0 ahead.

Alex Morgan taking the goalscoring shot

Soon after the match was plagued with a spell of heavy rain and both sides ball control and shooting accuracy suffered. Just as well for The Kiaser Colonies as Wight had a collection of good chances themselves but great defence from O'Leary and O'Hara with a few crucial saves from Barnett kept the lead alive until the final whistle. The result puts The Kiaser Colonies on top of group 6 with Bergnovinaia the only team in the group yet to play. The women's next game is against Bergnovinaia in the morning on Day 1 of the Olympics. Tomorrow morning also sees the men's team facing off against Bergnovinaia. Both manager Greg Jackson and captain Jerry Wallaby were unavailable for comment this week but key player Conner Tobin said that confidence in the camp was high and they were optimistic about the teams chances of getting out of the group.

The Kiaser Colonies Medal Tally
Gold: -
Silver: -
Bronze: -

[D Land and Isles]

D LAND AND ISLES OLYMPIC ASSOCIATION

PRESS RELASE

DLIOA ANNOUNCES OLYMPIC OPENING OUTFITS

Designed by Henry Larossa these green uniforms, will represent DLI in the Olympics. The Green

and White color scheme represents the national flag. The outfits will be for purchase at all Nacy's

retailers for 100 drangs that will be donated directly to the DLIOA.

[Maineiacs]

From MSPN--


Olympic competition began today two days before the Opening Ceremonies, and the first of our athletes took the field. Our Women's Soccer team won their first match, defeating Arcadian Islands 3-0. Striker Susan Cole scored the clinching goal in the 76th minute. Men's Gymnastics also got underway, but the news is less encouraging there. Rudolf Lagounov qualified in the vault competition, but the were no other qualifiers on any other apparatus, and we have no qualifiers for the individual all-around nor will our team compete in the team all-around. We will have much more coverage as competition continues here in Ashford, including live coverage of the official Opening Ceremonies here on MSPN's Olympic Update.

[Lymantatia]

Journal-LTN2, June 19, 2012

Lymantatia has won the women's football match against Mapletish. Unfortunately, Lymantatia neither qualified for the team's event nor the individual's events in Male Artistic Gymnastics.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

Live from Emberton, Krytenia, from ITV's built facilities on Emberton , here is the Olympic Games Report with Nekonian anchor Felicia Mittens and street footballer Kamine Nagatono.

Felicia is wearing a normal black dress and Kamine is wearing jeans and a Davencreek Victinis jersey as both of them are behind the news table.

Kamine: Hello, ladies and gentlemen as we give you a new sportive report from the Marills here at Emberton, Krytenia.

Felicia: Nyu... I don't want to speak!

Kamine: Well, what my nekonian friend wants to say is that, sadly, we lost to Vilita and Turori at Women's Football.

Felicia: Nyu! Looks Down.

Kamine: I see you are sad but, let's not forget that there are more matches to come, Felicia. No reason to be upset with one loss.

Felicia: Yes... But who tells it's going to be a win?

Kamine: Heh, you should stop saying that. Our team played decently fine and lost for just one goal. That's good to see, you know. Our team pulling something decent at least.

Felicia: Yes... Well, that's the only important news we have for you at NSI. I'm Felicia Mittens...

Kamine: And I'm Kamine Nagatono! See ya next time!

[Valanora]

Valanora Times
A New Olympics, Same Results?

Despite sending in their largest delegation for any of the Olympic Games, the folks at the VSC are not feeling quite that confident of the delegation's chances of success in Emberton, Krytenia. Initial goals stated by the VSC for the delegation is ten medals, with three of those being gold. Considering some of the class of these athletes that have been sent, it is my opinion that these are quite conservative expectations, no less than fifteen medals and seven goals should be expected for the Vanorian delegation. The aquatic and fencing athletes in particular look to provide the country with ample chances of making the podium and proving that elven athletes are indeed physically superior in some if not many athletic competitions. The team based events though are a bit of a wild card, with many nations having sent strong sides that give the appearance of stregnth and medal chances in just a brief gloss over. Yet there can only be three that do medal in these events (well unless there a ties and even then, it is a bit odd). For now, those at home will be glued to their seats and televisions as the games begin to roll in earnest and root on their countrymen to whatever results await them.

[Ferkas]

Olympic Soccer Stadium.
Emberton, Kyrtenia.

Sir Todd Elray peered out across the field watching his team warm up for their first match of the tournament.

"Cassadaigua." He said the name softly to himself, letting it fall off his tongue. It seemed to carry weight in it, full as it was with promise, hope, and potential. He had spent plenty of time working his way through game footage with the coaches, then passing the information along to the athletes earlier in the week. On top of the training it was all he could do to prepare them for this point, but he still couldn't shake that slight unease.

"Hubaab, loosen up! You look to rigid! Remember, loose is good!"

Elray looked over his shoulder, making eye contact with Charles Herch, an assistant coach, who had made the comment. Elray gave the younger man an easy smile. "Don't worry, he always looks like that warming up. He'll come around when the whistle blows, he always does."

Herch grinned right back at the far older manager. "Oh, I know that. I just wanted it to serve as a reminder to the rest of them as well. Aamir and Abdul look like they are about to throw up from the nerves."

Elray looked back out onto the field, focusing on two of his starting defenders. They did look pretty nervous, the sheer scope of the occasion was probably getting to them. He made a mental note to reassure the two before they took the pitch for the match. He then panned his gaze further down the field, where Head Coach Titus Limpfield was working with Mirsab al-Sanwir, a great all around midfielder, and Ian Ulrich, the teams starting forward. Those two would probably form the core of the offense for the Ferkian side, and thankfully they looked good getting ready. Both were light and agile players, with a quick and precise style of play. Passes seemed to flow between them as if they were somehow bonded mentally.

A tap on Elray's shoulder came right before the teams trainer, Nicholas McLeton, began to speak. "I've just finished up taping Rents ankle, he should be fine to play today. He said it felt a little stiff last night but he couldn't really notice it this morning. I'll check with him again at the half, assuming he will be starting today, right?" All of this was said very matter of factly by the middle aged trainer who wasn't fazed at all by being at the Olympics. And why should he be? No one would blame the teams success or failure on a lowly athletic trainer. Win or lose he had nothing to gain except the paycheck.

"Yes, the plan is to start him." Elray let out a small sigh of relief with the news that he could start the match with his strongest possible midfield. He had been forced to pull Thomas Rent off the field yesterday when the young midfielder rolled out his ankle and dropped to the ground. There had been some time when they weren't sure if he would be ready for the first match, but it seemed that the icing and painkillers had done their job.

"Alright team, bring it in!" Elray called out after looking down at his watch. "You guys look darn good today. This should be fun." He spoke loudly as the players came off the field, gathered their things, and made their way towards the locker room. He followed them in, trailed by the various coaches and members of the support staff. Two reporters were also in the group, having been granted special press passes for the opening game. One reporter, from the Coventry Herald, took the moment to approach the coach.

"So Coach, not too long now until match time, any final comments?"

"No, not really. We are fit, we are ready, and we are excited to be here. Its time for Ferkian football to really shine."

With that the team disappeared into the stadium, taking refuge in a quiet locker room as fans began to pour in above them. When the reentered the pitch it would be to the tune of their national anthem...

[The Babbage Islands]

As the yet-unnamed international "representative" group of community football boosters recovered from the shock of being granted demonstration status by the Emberton organising committee, one question loomed even larger than those of chartering a proper federation and agreeing the ever-pesky code of rules.

"Twenty-three teams," said Brigid Gow, former starting pitcher for both Ruadha and The Babbage Islands in baseball and now a spokeswoman for the new game. "Twenty-three. Nice and prime. No way to do up proper groups with that."

"That's a pain," agreed Dickinson College professor Scott Bloom. The Poets, hosts of the first-ever Community Football Convocation, had been asked to represent The Babbage Islands in Emberton. Professor Bloom was asked by the faculty senate to go along as the school's representative. "Not making life easy for us."

"I have an idea."

All heads turned to the perky blonde owner of the voice. "Karen Hughes of the Junior Women's Sodality of Murray Bridge, Waltzing Matilda. I played in the first Convocation. Listen, the name of the game is community football, right?" Everyone nodded or mumbled encouragement. "So let's go find a team from the community. Here in Emberton. Krytenians love their sport. Surely there are some likely young athletes near by who would like to participate in the Olympic Games, however informally . . ."

Six hours later a Krytenian team was organised, and soon after that the Krytenian authorities ratified the twenty-fourth entry.

(OOC: The draw below will also be posted to the official results thread.)

---

Community Football at the Games of the VII Olympiad

Schedule

Pool Game 1: Afternoon of Day 5 (Mon 2 July)
Pool Game 2: Morning of Day 6 (Tue 3 July)
Pool Game 3: Afternoon of Day 6 (Wed 4 July)
Pool Game 4: Morning of Day 7 (Thu 5 July)
Pool Game 5: Afternoon of Day 7 (Fri 6 July)

Quarterfinals: Afternoon of Day 9 (Tue 10 July)
Semifinals: Morning of Day 10 (Wed 11 July)
Final: Afternoon of Day 10 (Thu 12 July)

Round-by-round pairings to follow.

The Draw

Group One
Camwood
Waltzing Matilda
Darmen
Wight
The Kiaser Colonies
Free South Califas

Group Two
Cotdelapoms
Capitalizt SLANI
Carmadin
The Kytler Peninsulae
Karditan
Northern Sunrise Islands

Group Three
Bears Armed
Liventia
Vilita
Cyborg Holland
The Icemark
Krytenia

Group Four
Tapuroamotu
The Babbage Islands
Megadia
Camerania
North Europa
Civil Citizenry

[Shofercia]

"Alright, we've reached Krytenian Air Space, and it's not too long of a flight from here to the Emberton Airport. Good luck guys, we'll be watching you from the aircraft carrier!" stated the ace Shofercian Fighter Pilot and motioned his wing to salute and terminate the escort. The Shofercian Fighter Wings sped up, turned, painted a beautiful Shofercian Flag in the sky, through which the two Shofercian Passenger Planes had to fly. Most of the athletes were present on the flight, with only eighteen people, out of 333 being absent. The Shofercian Gymnastics and Archery Teams, whose competitions started before the Opening Ceremony, were flown earlier into Emberton, using private charters.

The Shofercians looked at the beautiful capital of Krytenia, looking over the Olympic Venues. It was always helpful to get a bird's eye view just before the competition began.

"Ladies and Gentlemen may I have your attention please! We are about to land at Emberton Airport. Please secure your trays in an upright position..."

-------

"Welcome to Shofercian Olympic Sports - your main Network of Channels for the upcoming Olympics, and I'm your host, Tatiana Borondukova! Joining me today is a very special guest, two time Gold Medal Paralympian, Caitlin Tall, but first, let's take a look at the Shofercian Network, covering the Olympics!

Our Sponsor is the Shofercian Tourism Industry: Great Prices, Wonderful Place, Unforgettable Memories - where else can you get five star service for a two star price? Where else can you ride a solar-powered Jetski, and help the environment? Where else can you ski by day, and surf by night? Or vice versa, if you prefer. Where else do you know that a part of the money you spend, will go to building schools in third world countries? Where else does a sponsor ask the host to make quick announcements, instead of filling up airtime with annoying and needless ads? Shofercian Tourism - it's all here!

As for our coverage - it will be divided into fourteen channels, so you won't miss a single beat! First, we will have six team sports channels, covering Basketball, Football, Field Hockey, Handball, Volleyball and Water Polo. The Volleyball Channel will cover both, Beach Volleyball and Indoor Volleyball. Second, we will have seven individual sports channels, covering Aquatics, except Water Polo; Nimble Sports such as Athletics, Gymnastics, Triathlon and Pentathlon; Hand to Hand Combat Sports such as Boxing, Judo, Taekwondo, and Wrestling; Armed Combat Sports such as Archery, Fencing and Shooting; Boat Water Sports such as Canoeing, Rowing and Sailing; Racquet Sports such as Badminton, Tennis and Table Tennis; and Riding Sports such as Equestrian and Cycling!

Additionally, don't forget about this channel - the Shofercian Olympics Sports News Channel, where we give you sports news from the Olympics, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, two weeks every four years. Speaking of Sports News, let's hear from our special correspondent, Andrei Govoryashiy!"

Andrei: "Thank you Tatiana. The good news is that Ozerov is back, and he will be the commentator for the Football Channel!"
Tatiana: "Nice! He's a legend. So, you want to tell us how our teams did?"
Andrei: "Our team. We only have one team, in Gymnastics, and they qualified! We only have four total teams that we need to worry about: our Men's and Women's Gymnastics Teams, and our Men's and Women's Archery Teams. Our Football Teams are both seeded first, in their respective groups, via random seeding, and thus will not play any games until the Olympic Games start."
Tatiana: "So how did our Gymnastics Team do?"
Andrei: "Fairly well! *knocks on wood* They qualified as a team, and will now face off against Cafundéu, Euskirribakondara, Bruyn, Vekaiyu, Taeshan, Cowardly Pacifists, and Civil Citizenry, and we have quite a few friendly sports rivalries with almost half of those. Shofercia just barely defeated Cafundéu in overall Gold Medal Total at the World Games held in Aeropag, to start off that rivalry. There have been quite a few friendly jokes between athletes from Shofercia and Euskirribakondara, for instance? If a Shofercian just missed the Gold Medal, where's he from? Euskirribakondara."
Tatiana: "So how do you think we will do?"
Andrei: "Well we have finalists in six out of eight events, but competition's tough!"
Tatiana: "What about Football?"
Andrei: "I'm not going to make too many predictions, but I will say that we are favored to win *knock on wood* in both groups, especially in Women's Football!"
Tatiana: "How do you figure?"
Andrei: "I watched the game between Ancharmunn and Akbarabad and I believe we can do better!"
Tatiana: "Alright, thank you Andrei!"
Andrei: "Thank you!"

Tatiana: "And now let's welcome two time Gold Medalist Paralympian, Caitlin Tall!"
Caitlin: "Thank you Tatiana!"
Tatiana: "What's it like, being the most highly decorated Shofercian female athlete?"
Caitlin: "It's really cool. When you say something, people listen to you. That's very unusual for me!"
Tatiana: "Do you think that two time Olympics Gold Medalist, Danny Ivanov, had any influence over the Aquatics Team not being cut? Because I'm seeing a lot less entries this year!"
Caitlin: "Definetely. I think he was the reason that Aquatics wasn't cut, and that some of the other sports faced brutal cuts, especially Athletics."
Tatiana: "What about weightlifting?"
Caitlin: "It's just not Shofercia's sport. I don't want to keep on repeating the sports ministry's line, but it is what it is!"
Tatiana: "What's wrong with the sport's ministry?"
Caitlin: "Personally, I think they're doing a great job, but, with that said, I think they need to spend more money on developmental programs. So far we only have what our schools can offer, which is nice, but not enough."
Tatiana: "Our schools demand two hours of sports from every single student, five days a week!"
Caitlin: "But there's no sports camp on Saturday! I know we're doing well, but I know we can do better. Put me in a four star hotel, instead of a five star hotel with an amazing view, and take that money to create Saturday sports camps."
Tatiana: "Fair enough. Have you tried recommending it to our King?"
Caitlin: *laughs* "Nope. I'm a shy girl!"
Tatiana: "Which is why you're on the show with millions of viewers?"
Caitlin: *laughs* "But I don't see them. I just see this tiny audience, that's like a college classroom, of no more than what, 24 members?"
Tatiana: "So you just don't think about it?"
Caitlin: "Right! I don't. When I'm out there training for Biathlon, I don't think about the millions watching me. If I did, I'd go crazy!"
Tatiana: "So, who's more decorated? You or Danny Ivanov?"
Caitlin: "I shoot and he swims. I think that counts for something!"
Tatiana: *laughs* "Touche!"
Caitlin: "Thank you!"

[Krytenia]

And that snipping sound you hear is Day -1 geting cutoff. Time for the female gymnasts and male footballers to shine (or not).

Please note due to a slight logistical cock-up (bloody Kryties!), Lymantatia were in the Men's Football draw twice. Bruyn (missed from the original draw) have been moved to Group 15 to take the place of the offending extra Lymantatia.

[Zwangzug]

The Bassabook Baritone

Looking at your jazz hands

Take Five: five things to watch at the Emberton Games

1. The outfall of the Johnson affair

We all remember last Olympics, or at least being assured that the aftermath of the Atlanta Johnson case would be delayed to the next Olympics. Well, the next Olympics are here. And it's looking mighty strange for Zwangzug--sure, formally mandating that sporting events be integrated by sex (but segregated by merit) has had zero impact on the baseball league, the Zebras, the cycling circuit, and whatever the heck those college kids get up to. But what people didn't think about is how many events are segregated and as such impractical to compete at. Field hockey? Forget about it. And most relay teams are out as well, though a few stragglers have held on in the 4x400 meter running and 4x100 meter swimming. Look out for the individual women too--there aren't that many, of course, but those that have made it this far might find the rest of the world and their segregated events easy picking.

2. The rise of the little towns

Sure, we go to the Olympics to meet our fellow athletes who speak many languages and practice many different traditions, all coming together in the spirit of good sportsmanship. (Personship, these days?) All well and good. But nothing says they had to be foreigners. Maybe I'm just stuck-in-the-mud, but there seems to be more diversity than ever among Zwangzug's athletes, and something tells me by the end of these games I'll be pining for the days when Algebraic was the biggest translation hurdle.

3. It's the cycling, stupid!

Some things never change. Becky Fith continues the quest for a fourth consecutive gold medal for Zwangzug in the women's team sprint--sure, it's segregated, but Hye Moon and Mariana Pald-Gein look like the equals of anyone on the track. Plus, there's Scott Part and Jamie Robelli trying to defend gold, Rin Suzuki trying to improve on her silver, and a whole host of other contenders. Zwangzug: the best cycling country except for the ones who really like to go on about their cycling skill.

Whoa, okay, apparently we're late with some news. My editor is just going to rewrite this paragraph. Sorry. Nothing personal.

4. The rest of the city

I can't vouch for its bagel supply, but "Emberton" just has a nice ring to it, don't you think? I've promised my colleagues back home to send them pictures of as many anachronistic signs I can find--the names of the province, the local sports teams, and indeed the city itself have changed over time. Think Zwischen without the dourness. And with a flag. With a lion on it.

5. Just go watch some team sports.

You don't need to be following people from Zwangzug around all the time. Seriously. That's just weird. There's association football if you're into that kind of thing. Basketball too. Or water polo, whatever, go look up a sport you've never heard of and try to work out the rules. Or look them up on your web site of choice. Anything! Personally, I think handball is well worth a watch.

[Ferkas]

Olympic Soccer Stadium.
Emberton, Kyrtenia.

Sir Todd Elray didn't jump for joy, nor did he shout, yelp, or otherwise vocalize his joy. His only reaction was a smile as the clock ticked off the final few seconds of stoppage time. Around him the his athletes were coming off the bench, the coaches were actually jumping into the air and exchanging high fives with between themselves and with the athletes. The Ferkian fans were as rowdy as the historically polite and contained nation ever was, meaning that they cheered, applauded, then departed. There wouldn't be any drunk Ferkian football rowdies clogging up the streets of Emberton, that was for sure.

He followed the mass into the locker room, closing the door softly behind him and giving everyone a few moments to situate themselves. Most of the men had grabbed water bottles or sports drinks on there way down, the athletic trainer had been handing them out, and they enjoyed their refreshments as they waited for the manager to speak. Many were eager for him to hurry up and finish so they could celebrate the days win.

"Well gentlemen, we did it. We achieved the first step today. You all played well, and you reflected well upon the Kingdom. But it isn't over yet, that was just the first of many. We still can improve, and we still have to improve. I'll go over more specific points at tomorrows morning team meeting, and we will watch some of the footage."

He stopped for a moment, looking around the room. "The meeting is at 8:45AM. As usually, tardiness will not be accepted."

Again he paused, and several of the men began gathering their belongings to head towards the showers, eager to clean up and depart.

"Wait, I'm not quite done yet."

They stopped moving, and looked back over at him, wondering what else he had to say.

"No partying tonight. Curfew is at 9:45PM. You guys won one game, not the tournament. Vilita and Turori won their match today too, 2-0 over Northern Sunrise Islands, so we aren't even the best in our Group. We lose to them in point differential right now. With that said, I know we can beat them. But now if we become complacent, and not if you guys start acting like idiots. I'm telling you to sacrifice now, so you can have a real reason to party when this is all over."

Most of the men were nodding in agreement, but a few looked rather peeved.

"Am I understood?"

The athletes murmured the understanding and Elray nodded, accepting it.

"9:45 tonight, the coaches and I will be making rounds to check. Then its 8:45 tomorrow morning, ready to review and prepare. We will do a brief morning practice afterwards, then you will have the rest of the day off to relax a bit."

He turned, ready to leave, then stopped for one last comment.

"Really though guys, good job today. You've done your country proud."

And with that he left, eager to get himself a drink and some dinner before his own self imposed curfew.

[Qazox]

THE GAMES OF
THE SEVENTH OLYMPIAD
EMBERTON, KRYTENIA

Schedule of events

Welcome once again to coverage of the NSOlympics here on QBC; I'm Michelle Coten, and joining me today is Gary Cullen. Gary, tommorrow night's the Opening ceremony, which will be carried live on QBC at 4:00pm QST. But just because the Olympics offically start tommorrow, doesn't mean there wasn't any acton today.

Gary: The Men's football team took to the pitch today against FSSo and were beaten 2-0.

Michelle: And the Qazox women's gymnastics team took to the floor today as well.

TODAY'S RESULTS

QAZOX                                                             351.825
Andrea Conpilous (QZX)          16.125  15.750  15.825  14.200    61.900
Sidney Charles (QZX)            14.800  16.275Q 15.375  15.175    61.625
Rene Hemmings (QZX)             13.500  14.300  14.175  15.500    57.475
Dorthea Mine (QZX)              14.900  14.225  14.025  13.850    57.000
DiAndre Mapeka (QZX)            13.725  14.675  14.350  14.250    57.000
Abby Rhodes (QZX)               13.900  14.200  13.825  14.900    56.825

Gary: Andrea Conpilous qualified for the balance beam final; while Sidney Charles qualified for the floor final. And we have a correction from yesterday, as Christopher David qualified for the Men's floor final.

Michelle: That's all for now, see you tommorrow for the Opening Cermonies!

[Benjamin Mark]

HELLENSWORTH LOCAL NEWS

Amesquita - Hello, I'm Zaren Amesquita

Kelly - Hello, I'm Josh Kelly. At Emberton today, the women's gymnastics qualifiers took the stage today. Justine Cook is in Emberton today with the latest, Justine?

Cook - Good Evening, Josh, yes, the women's qualifiers took the stage and it was a nightmare, no contestant qualified today for the next stage of women's gymnastics on this fine day. Here's the results

BENJAMIN MARK 343.200
Candee Dias (BNM) 14.550 14.700 14.250 15.175 58.675
Erin Azeroni (BNM) 14.500 15.000 15.075 14.050 58.625
Julierre Stark (BNM) 14.250 13.625 14.725 14.300 56.900
Brandie Kimberlin (BNM) 14.825 14.350 13.625 13.875 56.675
Erin Williams (BNM) 14.525 13.700 14.225 13.825 56.275
Theresa Ruiz (BNM) 13.650 13.600 14.450 14.350 56.050


Cook - Doesn't like nice, Candee Dias, little known acrobat, did win the highest followed closely by Erin Azeroni. I'm going to show you a recap of this fine qualifying tournament.

(recap is played)

Cook - That's the recap, gymnastics isn't our strong suit, tomorrow's the opening ceremony, with hopefully better results, Brenda Eltride, famed triathlon athlete is the flag-bearer, reporting live in Emberton, Justine Cook, HLN News

[Todd McCloud]

Vekaiyun Gymnasts Shine / Why are Vekaiyun Names Hard to Report?
Reporting for V3 News Services, Rin Slakori

EMBERTON - While Ikrisia Eleseri was impressive during her routines - enough to represent Vekaiyu in the individual all-around event gymnastics round, she couldn't help to notice that each time she took to her routine, her name was spelled wrong.

"It's not a big deal," she commented when a V3 reporter asked if the problem bothered her. "It didn't affect my performance one bit."

Vekaiyuns take pride in their names, both first and last, many of which have histories behind them. Take the five female gymnasts, for instance. Many first names are either slightly changed first names from Vekaiyu's pagan past, names borrowed from common Christian names, or names that are a mash of old and current Unonian languages. "Xa" is divorced from the pagan "Xaligori", while "Yva" is shortened from the pagan name "Yvalimelu". "Ikrisia" is a relatively new name (if roughly six hundred years can be considered as "new") which is a combination of shortened Unonian words to mean "pure in spirit" and "Leina" is another mix to mean "fair upright". "Krisia" in Unonian is meaningless.

Last names are a bit more difficult. Generally, last names can be traced back to when the family came into fruition. For most families, the last few letters of this "house" name identifies their home province. "-eru" tends to be from Provinsk, while "-tre" is believed to originate from Eldura and "-ri" is believed to be from Voliri. However, some names don't really have an identifying province. "-ste", for instance, may come from a large movement of Vekaiyuns from Listonia when the latter state was partitioned.

But Olympic committees don't need to know any of that - they simply need to report their names and be done with it. Still, this has been a frequent occurrence for Vekaiyun athletes, who have historically been able to let things roll off their back and forgive the already busy committee members.

"I just hope it gets fixed is all," Eleseri said, "[it's] just not a big deal."

As Vekaiyu continues to flex its muscle in gymnastics with the men yesterday, the female gymnasts answer their results with an impressive arsenal of their own. Three Vekaiyun athletes qualified for the individual events: Xa Vilaseru for the beam, Ivalsa Noleste had an impressive 16.300 score for the floor which was good enough to qualify for the medal round, and Leina Uverilsetrese will take on the vault to potentially earn a medal for her nation. Yva Kire and Ikrisia Eleseri will work on the individual all-around finalists, and all athletes will compete in the team round.

[Chenkorya]

2011 had been an amazing year for Odysseus Salvai. For a year or two, he had trained for his first, and Chenkorya's first summer Olympics. In july, they were held. It had been one of the best times in his life, not only because of the greatness of the event, but also because the gold medal in the 200m Butterfly event was for him. All his effort had been for this, his effort wasn't wasted.

The weeks after the Olympics had been great too. The press was extremely interested in him, he was suddenly famous and a welcome guest in TV shows. Even Chenkorya's prime minister had invited him and the other medalists for a dinner at his home, and an official homage. After the busy time after the Olympics, he actually immediately wanted to train for the 2012 Olympics. Usually the Chenkoryan Olympic Committee had already selected their entrants (COC selects their entrants instead of letting them qualify) by november, but Odysseus had not heard anything yet at that moment.

In december, at Christmas Eve, there still had not been a single message from the COC for Odysseus, not a phone call, not a text message, not an e-mail. As far as Odysseus knew, there had not been any announcements to the press yet too.

Odysseus was staring into the fireplace of his family's home, the house he had lived in his youth with his parents. He was now there to celebrate the Christmas holidays, together with his parents, sisters and brother, as well as their children. Odysseus wasn't ready for children yet. He was brooding, pondering about the Olympics. Last year, his effort was awarded with a medal, but at the moment it looked like the hope for his second Olympics was gone. The Olympics had been pretty much everything he had thought about at the moment, family was on second place. Actually he didn't even want to go to the whole Christmas happening.

"Odysseus, entree is served." Odysseus was shaken up out of his daydream by his 68 year old mother.

"Huh, what's the problem?" he answered, a little bit confused.

"Nothing, the entree is just served!" His mother was now standing in the living room, looking at Odysseus.

"Ah, of course, okay, I'm coming." He answered, without actually paying attention to what he was saying.

"From your voice I can hear that you're not planning to come in the next five minutes. Come, just come." she said in a friendly way.

He smiled, and he did stand up. He just looked his mother in the eyes and smiled a bit. His mother did not understand a lot of things that were important to him, like his passion for sports, but she did understand a lot of psychological things. She should have become a psychologist, instead of just housewife.

His whole family was sitting around the table, his father on the head of the table, reading his newspapers, while wearing horn-rimmed glasses, and while stroking the old sheep dog, that was probably already begging for the food that wasn't even on the people's plates yet. His sisters were sitting both on a different side of the table, his sister Amelie with her husband, his sister Aphrodite without a husband, since she was divorced an the single mother of two children. He sat down between his mother and his brother Stephan. They toasted their wine glasses, or children's champagne in the children's cases, and they started eating.

Odysseus was quite absent during the whole dinner, everybody had to say everything twice to him. He heard the conversations while staring into his wine, but he didn't realize what they were saying.

"Alyeksander, put away that newspapers. We don't read papers during dinner, especially not during Christmas dinner." Odysseus' mother said.

"Yes of course Mollie, I will, but I was just reading about the Olympics." His father, who had also been a swimmer in his younger years, said.

As always, Odysseus woke up out of his daydream when they started talking about sport, even more if the Olympics were the subject. The family had talked a lot about them after Odysseus' win.

"Olympics?" Odysseus asked.

"Yeah, Olympics. I assume you already know their plans for the next Olympics?"

"Erm, no, I do not!" Odysseus answered, confused and excited at the same time.

"Oh well, I say; read it yourself! It's just a small message."

"Alyeskandr... No newspapers during dinner.." His mother said, annoyed. His sisters giggled.

But Odysseus didn't listen. He saw his father taking out his iPhone.

OLYMPIC COMMITTEE SELECTS ENTRANTS

Yesterday, the Chenkoryan Olympic Committee released on their website, information about the next Olympics in Emberton, Krytenia. They wrote that they wanted to give newcomers a chance, and that's why most of the squad will be different from the previous Olympic squad. Evelyn Kukharyk

"Let me read." His brother said. His brother said, after reading it in five seconds. "So silly to put a name underneath it when it's just two sentences."

"Yeah, indeed..." Odysseus answered absently. "Dad, look at the squad on their site. Is it there?"

"Hrm-hrm. It is." He looked across the edge of his glasses. "What do you want to know?" His mother sighed, she hated talking about sports during dinner. She hated his father using his iPhone during dinner even more.

"Am I in it?"

"Hrm.. what's your name?"

"No jokes, dad. My name's Odysseus Salvai, and I'd like to participate in the 200m Butterfly" He giggled.

"Ah okay, Mr. Salvai." his father laughed. "Ooh, that's a long list... Marina Hajek for diving, she's hot. 200m Butterfly. Tymoteusz Peters."

"Only him?"

"Yes, only him. You're nowhere in the squad. Do you know erm.. Tymoteusz Peters?"

"What the... no, I don't..." He took his napkin and patted away some tears. "Fuck them..."

"Odysseus, it's Christmas Eve..." his mother asked. Her evening was ruined.

[84733842]

Welcome to International Sport's coverage of the Games of the VII Olympiad! As the 13 Scout Promise nations competing under the consolidated Olympic committee prepare to march in the opening ceremonies, competition has already begun in a few sports. While Matimar has not yet taken to the field of sporting battle, we have some news on other fronts.

In football, the women of Green Jello Salad opened play with a 2-1 win over Khabarovsk Krai in Group Three. The Salad Shooters played a possession-oriented match, taking a 2-0 lead on two Lexi Holland goals before the interval and methodically stifling all opposition efforts to get back into the match until one very late rejoinder. On the men's side surprise entrants Ross Island drew with highly-regarded Darmen 1-1 in Group Nine.

The other sport that commenced early rounds of play was artistic gymnastics. Although the men's team from Skoltaro Kosma came up empty in their efforts, the women's squad from Girl Guiding will be well-represented in the individual finals. Madeline Maxwell and Megan Griffin will both compete in the individual all-around final, with Maxwell qualifying fourth and Griffin 19th. They will also ensure a local presence in three of the four apparatus finals. The 15-year-old Maxwell posted a remarkable 16.400 on the unforgiving balance beam to place second, and also stood sixth in the uneven bars. Griffin, the dean of a young squad at 19, finished fourth in the vault after landing a stunning Yurchenko double-full on her second effort to lift her into the final.

For those of you who will be watching the opening ceremony from Emberton, you'll see one group from the entire Scout Promise contingent as it is considered only one entrant under Olympic practice. But each nation will wear distinctive national garb, and behind the traditional banner a line of 13 flags will represent all of the constituent nations. The athletes being honoured as flag bearers are:

• Baden-Powell: Paul Crawford, forward, men's field hockey.
• Checkmate: Max Tal, center, men's basketball.
• Fort Mackinac: Pamela Sweet, women's beach volleyball.
• Girl Guiding: Megan Griffin, women's artistic gymnastics.
• Green Jello Salad: Julie Phelps, women's singles and mixed doubles, tennis.
• Helam: Theodore Stevens, men's keirin, cycling.
• Matimar: Soro Pruma, men's beach volleyball.
• New Deseret: Audrey Hammer, women's singles, tennis.
• Ross Island: Robert Falcon, midfielder, men's football.
• SarahRed-n-BarryBlue: Ron Romney, men's singles and doubles, tennis.
• Skoltaro Kosma: Shòuqū Qiáo, men's artistic gymnastics.
• Vagar: Geir Ingason, men's singles and team, table tennis.
• Waltzing Matilda: Amanda Scott, women's omnium, cycling.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

Live from Emberton, Krytenia, from ITV's built facilities on Emberton , here is the Olympic Games Report with Nekonian anchor Felicia Mittens and street footballer Kamine Nagatono.

Felicia is wearing a normal light pink dress and Kamine is wearing jeans and a Selyne City Athenians jersey as both of them are behind the news table.

Kamine: Welcome, everyone, to the NSI Sportive Report. I'm Kamine Nagatono.

Felicia: And I'm Felicia Mittens!

Kamine: Whoa, Felicia! Why are you so happy?

Felicia: Our Baseball team almost tied up at Baseball! On Group A, we faced the strong team of Liventia and lost by just one point!

Kamine: Nice to see you are embracing Fair Play for a while, huh?

Felicia: Of course! We recieved a bye on the first Matchday of the Men's Tournament! And also, we would like to remind you that ITV is going to broadcast the Opening Cerimony live at 19:00 MTZ (Mardi Time Zone).

Kamine: Neat! I hope they have some cool fireworks!

Felicia: Nyu! And cute mascots around!

Kamine: You're into that a lot, don't you?

Felicia: I'm a Nekonian! They are like family. Well, This is it for our Sportive Report. I'm Felicia Mittens.

Kamine: And I'm Kamine Nagatono, 'till next time.

[Wild Isle]

Tapuroamotu 0-2 Krytenia

Tapuroamotu lost their first game to the hosts, Krytenia.

Narglatch, Roru tells the story of the game through his eyes.

THE GAME THROUGH THE EYES OF A NARGLATCH

Roru was quietly grazing on sweet glatchy-grass in a trough dug by the Tapuroamotueun olympians when he saw a sight that he couldnt belive, twenty or so forigners, to Roru were trooping down from the silent hillside on which the Tapuroamotu camp was placed. Roru was not aware that the olympic games had started, he had checked the countdown sign and it had said -1, one more day. Never mind the sign, here were brightly colored natives of this futuristic country, clearly they were the opponents of the Tapuroamotu. Roru was a curious beast and he slowly followed the fans down into the city, where he saw giant TV's in all different languages, after a minute of searching, Roru found the Tapuroamotueun TV, and it said,

WILD ISLE vs. KRYTENIA
94:47
TPR-0
KRY-2

Crestfallen, Roru walked back to the Tapuroamotu camp, before he could take a step into the Narglatch pen to alert his friends of the news, he heard a giant roar of approval from the city, Roru waited for a while, straining to hear the beat of Tapuroamotueun drums and the war chant of the warriors, but none came Tapuroamotu had lost.

[North Europa]

---

Welcome to live coverage of the results of the first competitions were conducted here in the capital of Emberton VII Olympic Games.Now linked to the John M. Kitley who will convey the results of men's football, baseball and Community Football, John ...

Hallo Ricky and Catherine and good evening to all,

Positives were ladies and gentlemen the results of baseball by the winning of our country with a score of 5-2 on the national team of Sicoutimont. In the other races now Cosumar national team prevailed 7-5 on the national team Camwood. The national team of Karditan suffered a defeat from national team of the Babbage Islands with a score of 3-1. Finally, the national team of Camerania prevailed 7-4 on the national of Ad'ihan.These were the results of Group B and the card is shown below the results of the two groups and the matches of Group A.

Demonstration — Baseball — Matchday 1

Group A
Liventia (LEN) 9–8 Northern Sunrise Islands (NSI)
Carmadin (CRM) 6–5 Geornon (GEO)
West Guiana (WGA) 3–6 Darmen (DAR)
Kytler Peninsulae (KYP) 3–4 Free South Califas (FSC)

Group B
Cosumar (COS) 7–5 Camwood (CMW)
North Europa (NRE) 5–2 Sicoutimont (SCM)
The Babbage Islands (TBI) 3–1 Karditan (KRD)
Camerania (CMR) 7–4 Ad’ihan (ADN)

Reporter: Unfortunately defeat was accepted our national footbal team by a score of 2-1 by the national team of Mapletish. That's all for now back to you Ricky.

Thank you John. These were for today sports news and results good or bad. From the Emberton of Krytenia and Ricky Martin and Catherine Norman ...

Good Night !!!

[Lymantatia]

Journal-LTN2, June 20, 2012
We have good news and bad news. Bad news is Lymantatia never made it to any women's gymnastics competitions. Worse, Lymantatia lost the men's football match against Wight. Worser, in that match, the goalkeeper Jacques DeLamielleure suffered a head injury and is in the hospital. Good news is we got a new goalkeeper who is Marc St. Laurent.

[Shofercia]

Dasha Postova arrived in Kyrtenia huffing and puffing after exiting the crowded airport, and trying to make sense of directions. The vehicles were buzzing by, and everything was a blur. She was one of the few freelance reporters that were trying to make it big, by exposing intriguing stories about huge events, like the Summer Olympic Games. She took out the Shofercian Cell Phone, something that she spent her yearly savings to acquire, and cursed. She just missed the Men's and Women's Gymnastics. Archery was the last pre-Olympic Ceremony event. And she had to haul ass to get there. So much for getting into a reserved hostel room and taking a shower. Dasha sighed again, realizing that she just missed her transportation to archery, and the next one wouldn't arrive until it was too late. She began walking to her hostel room.

The shower was amazing. For some odd reason, water always calmed Dasha down, and let her thing straight. It had a similar effect on most Shofercians, and Shofercia was sometimes referred to as the Land of Rivers. She needed to get a story out on her blog, and she knew it wasn't going to be about Rob Hoodin. Suddenly, Dasha had an idea:

Meeting the Shofercians

Advice on how to Make Friends with the Shofercians for the cheering fans of other countries,

a Blog by Dasha Postova

Shofercians are amazing, but we are very, very, very naughty sports fans. Naughty in a good way. Sure we might throw a few punches, but if you actually need medical aid, we'll stop the fight and help ya out. As the Games of the VII Summer Olympiad begin in Emberton, Krytenia, you might notice thousands of Shofercians crowding into venues, celebrating in bars, and getting those last minute tickets that you just missed. Sorry about that. But not really.

Although the Shofercians can be divided into several classes, it's important to remember that we all have a Paladin as our role model, not Tom Cruise. Closest that Hollywood comes is George Clooney, and he's a bit old school. We're generally religious, but not overly so. We'd be glad to discuss religion, but won't start any of the conversion conversations. We're politically aware, but we don't view the dramatic situation between the Pony Countries and the non Pony Countries as a matter of life and death. Usually we're nice people, and are willing to strike up or engage in conversations. But when our teams are playing, don't you DARE distract us.

We're also very much pro education, and believe that education can never have enough funding. Heck, we spend a third of our GDP on education, and research, so we're very well educated in all aspects of debating culture, but we don't like to brag about it, possibly because we got schooled by our teachers every time we tried bragging in class. About ten percent of us have PhDs, and almost all of us have college degrees, as college is free for everyone in Shofercia.

Similarities aside, there are also numerous differences between the classes. First we have the VIPs: these are the guys and gals renting five star hotels, cause they can afford to and they've honestly earned their salaries, so they'll tend to be a bit older, or much more talented than the rest of us. Not too many VIPs come to the Olympics, because it's expensive, and our VIPs aren't billionaires. We have a law that no one can earn more than a million a year in Shofercia, the rest is just donated to a charity of the earner's choice. Those who don't like it, emigrate, which brings me to the next group, the Expats:

These guys are whiners. They dislike Shofercia, because they couldn't make more than a million a year, and still had to pay 40% taxes on that sum. Crybabies. They settle abroad, and use the skills that they've learned in Shofercia to become millionaires, known for their extravagant spending. For reasons unknown, they are fiercely patriotic when it comes to sports, and make donations to Shofercian Athletics. Some even set up special accounts to own an entire team. They tend to be a bit snobbier than most Shofercians, a lot more commanding, and travel with their staff, whom they treat courteously, but look down upon.

Next up is Shofercia's upper middle class. The teachers, the firefighters, the people who save lives and lead us to a better future. YMCA calls them Village People. They do fundamental jobs, and are well compensation. Doctors and judges are in this class too. If you're lucky, you might see some of the wiser members of the class who are in their 90s. Don't smirk, most Shofercians live to the age of 90. These guys are fiercely patriotic in all aspects, but also know how to take intelligent criticism, enjoy drinking contest, (well the younger generations do, until their 30s,) and generally know how to have a great time.

Right below that is the working class. These guys won their tickets through the lottery, or were given tickets due to their hard work, diligence and perseverance. They deserve the tickets, and are overjoyed. They enjoy pubs, but will never stay up too late if it means missing an event; fortunately they know how to pull all nighters!

And of course there are college students, like yours truly. We are who we are - college students. Overall, just think of Shofercians like you think of your country's residents, but take away the aspects of racism, sexism and notions of superiority, and add a superb education, and a willingness to have fun. Lots and lots of fun. Especially when win the Gold Medal!

[Socialist States Owen]

Opening ceremony approaches in Emberton as footballers win
By Special Emplor Olympic Correspondent Zach Rossley

It's been a quiet start for the FSSO's Olympians in pre-opening ceremony qualifiers, with the only real success coming unsurprisingly in Men's Football.

The action started on the morning of the 5th July with the women's football, as Claire Moribund's side slipped to a 2-0 defeat against Inis na Dun. In the afternoon, the FSSO's Men's artistic gymnast's just missed out in qualifying, with Bob Slusher being particularly unlucky after recording an overall score of 87.375. Success came the next morning though as the men's football team cruised past Qazox, winning 2-0, the goals coming from Nicky Martin and Chad Parsons. In the qualifying rounds for the women's artistic gymnastics no FSSO athletes made it through although they were not far off the leaders. Tomorrow we'll be seeing the FSSO's male an female archers in their ranking rounds where world class archer Harry Luton will be hoping to perform well, alongside highly rated Tim Sprail.

Full schedule for tomorrow in Emberton (7th July)

DAY 0 – MORNING – FRI 27 JULY – Posted Thu 21st June
Archery – Men's ranking round

DAY 0 – AFTERNOON – Posted Thu 21st June
Archery – Women's ranking round

DAY 0 – EVENING – OPENING CEREMONY – Posted Fri 22nd June