World Bowl XXXVII: Everything Thread

[The Greater Nordics]

The Nordic Football team ended Phase 1 of the World Bowl in 3rd place in the group which was enough to stay in League B. They enter Phase 2 in a Group with Newmanstan, the United States of Devonta and West Phoenicia. These are all teams which the Nordics are all familiar with in other sports. They started this phase with a game against Newmanstan, which they lost 20-17. They played hard and came close to tying it up on a last second field goal from Anders Carlson but it fell short and to the right.

Their next game is against West Phoenicia. This is a nation that we have friendly relations with and it should be a good game. The West Phoenician Empress has expressed a desire to meet with the Nordic Royals and Queen Birgit has accepted that invitation. She also wants the two nations to have diplomatic ties to each other which the EMpress also wants.

[Geektopia]

Geektivities

Geektopia NT carries out first victory against a ranked team

Salutations, I'm Gary Rozensweig, also known as former coach of the Geektopian Men's Soccer Team. I dont want to tell you the irrelevant first, but holy smokes, our last sportscaster got thrown out the bin! After his blatant criticism of our football team, he decides to whine against another sportscast that didnt mention our players in the highlights! How incompetent! I don't know if he's going to dox me, so I can't talk much about it.

Now, the fans were very worried about if the talent in this Geektopian would pop to pressure but they have only strived under it. We have yet to see if this talent will hold after Game 2 but the only thing that's confirmed for the team are their match highlights, let's move forward.

Cassadaigua 15-21 Geektopia

That's the only highlight to look at. There was 1 QUARTER that was missing in action.

[Banija]

OOC: Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 of this storyline

Setting is the Patriarchal Conclave at the Herzegovina Temple

Major Archbishop George Mavuto of Istria, the temporary Chairman of the College of Bishops by right, due to his status as the head of the church's largest diocese, and the Chairman of the conclave, brought the meeting to order. "My fellow shepherds." He began with. "We are here, tasked with picking a future Patriarch of Herzegovina, the new primate of All-Banija, the leader of the universal church. All of us understand why we have been brought here- and the task that God has placed upon us. The 14 men of this conclave, we have been meeting for nearly 3 weeks now. This is, of course, not a terribly long amount of time- we all know that, well back in the beginnings and foundations of this church, conclaves took a long time.

But this is no longer the past. This is a new age, a new era, for this institution. We support Banijan faithful not just in this country, but many migrant neighborhoods who are keeping the faith. That is why we have welcomed our brothers from New Istria, Darmen, and from West Bay, Damukuni. But we need to bring this process to a close. We've voted on so many candidates- and we need to start narrowing down the processes. Let me read to you the results of this morning's vote."

"I myself, received 5 votes. Bishop Duma received 5 votes. Archbishop Guiss received 4 votes. We need to take some decisive action. I believe that it is within the best interests of the church, as a body, that we elect a Patriarch sooner, rather than later. I am going to implore all of you, in your meetings and discussions today, to work hard and try to find a path for this meeting to reach its rightful conclusion." And he stopped. The Major Archbishop smiled, and went back to his seat. Many people were talking among themselves, and he knew one thing- as the likely compromise candidate between the reformist and traditonalist, and somebody who already had backing, the sooner this conclave, the better his own chances were.

HE went to talk to one of his friends and allies, Archbishop Boy Coote of West Bay, Damukuni. It has been years since he'd seen the man- Boy Coote had been in Damukuni for 5 years. The two were very close to each other. The two had went to the major seminary together, Loyola Major Seminary in Busukuma. Yes, Loyola major seminary was part of the same institution as the much larger and more famous University of Loyola-Istria, though of course the Major Seminary was strictly for educating those who were going into religious life- the clergy. Mavuto and Coote graduated from the Major Seminary together 40 years ago.

"George, you're almost there." Said Boy Coote. And that, of course, was clearly true. He was the co-leader in votes. "George, we've gotta do something to get you over the line."

"I know, Coote." Replied the Major Archbishop. "We're almost there. And you know how this will go- we can finally get you back in the country, and back where you belong- the Guardian Council. But of course, we need to figure this out. How do we get this done?" And the two men talked, quietly, in their corner. While they talked, of course, other discussions were going on. What did they not notice? They did not notice Duma and Guiss, begin to talk to each other. They were in another corner of the room. The two boyhood Seminary buddies, who graduated into the clergy together, would they not be in control of events in what was clearly the biggest moment of their lives? Well, it was surely possible that others wielded more influence than this pair...

[Banija]

Woo-ee-ooh.... I look just like Buddy Holly....
Oh-oh! and you're Mary Tyler Moore!
I don't care what they say about us anyways!
I care about cutoffs.

League A

John Nampoza
Pridnestrovia 26–21 Velstrania
Taeshan 26–9 South Covello

John Nampoza                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Pridnestrovia                 2   2  0   39  33  +6
2 Taeshan                       2   1  1   38  22 +16
3 Velstrania                    2   1  1   58  62  −4
4 South Covello                 2   0  2   45  63 −18

Ezekiel Daniachew
New England 6–35 Ko-oren
Drawkland 44–10 Cosumar

Ezekiel Daniachew              Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Ko-oren                       2   1  1   45  19 +26
2 Drawkland                     2   1  1   58  44 +14
3 New England                   2   1  1   40  49  −9
4 Cosumar                       2   1  1   23  54 −31

Kiggwe Mavuto
Free Republics 20–3 Vangaziland
Abanhfleft 30–29 Main Nation Ministry

Kiggwe Mavuto                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Free Republics                2   2  0   53  27 +26
2 Abanhfleft                    2   1  1   54  62  −8
3 Main Nation Ministry          2   1  1   63  40 +23
4 Vangaziland                   2   0  2   13  54 −41

League B

Adama Sowe
Allamunnic States 19–23 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Torisakia 53–37 Northwest Kalactin

Adama Sowe                     Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Torisakia                     2   2  0   87  44 +43
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       2   2  0   62  52 +10
3 Northwest Kalactin            2   0  2   70  92 −22
4 Allamunnic States             2   0  2   26  57 −31

Myles Debaba
Greater Nordics 35–20 West Phoenicia
Newmanistan 39–13 United States of Devonta
'

Myles Debaba                 Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 Newmanistan                 2    2   0    59   30  +29
2 Greater Nordics             2    1   1    52   40  +12
3 West Phoenicia              2    1   1    42   38   +4
4 United States of Devonta    2    0   2    16   61  −45

Dejan Polek
Terre Septentrionale 18–7 Equestrian States
Ranoria 29–25 Banija

Dejan Polek                    Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Terre Septentrionale          2   2  0   32  20 +12
2 Ranoria                       2   1  1   42  39  +3
3 Banija                        2   1  1  101  45 +56
4 Equestrian States             2   0  2   23  94 −71

League C

Ousman Kakay
Bongo Johnson 23–30 Geektopia
Shatla 13–40 Cassadaigua

Ousman Kakay                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Geektopia                     2   2  0   51  38 +13
2 Cassadaigua                   2   1  1   55  34 +21
3 Bongo Johnson                 2   1  1   47  40  +7
4 Shatla                        2   0  2   23  64 −41

Dennis Zervos
Greater Liverpool 20–14 Kandonica
Anthor 48–13 Greater Vakolicci Haven

Dennis Zervos                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Anthor                        2   2  0   77  36 +41
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven       2   1  1   67  62  +5
3 Greater Liverpool             2   1  1   43  43   0
4 Kandonica                     2   0  2   28  74 −46

Martial Odongo
Tornado Queendom 26–24 Xanneria
Amurbia 37–23 Lavize

Martial Odongo                 Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Amurbia                       2   2  0  104  44 +60
2 Tornado Queendom              2   1  1   47  91 −44
3 Xanneria                      2   1  1   34  32  +2
4 Lavize                        2   0  2   29  47 −18

[Ranoria]

Fireworks Under The Dome

Jawara looking across the field, waiting for the first snap

This game certainly wasn’t Isaka Jawara’s first trip to the Karmin-Falce Superdome, and it likely won’t be the last. And as the quarterback led his team out, looking to do better than their embarrassing 1-5 run in phase 1, they saw none other than Derek McNair and his football team staring them down from across the lines.

McNair’s squad had gone 4-2 in the opening stage, but had failed to advance into league A. As such, it was essentially a wash, and they will be looking to drag down Banija, at 1-0, to fight their way to a playoff berth. Should they succeed in that regard, it would mark the first time in their history they’d made it to the tournament.


Derek McNair watching the opening drive from the sidelines

Now of course, as we’ve said before, this isn’t the first time Ranoria and Banija have been competing in a high stakes game. The University of Loyola-Istria Blue Thunder and the Richardson University Governors compete annually in the Rebel’s Cannon Bowl. It is always quite the spectacle, and always a tight game. We’ve seen matchups between Isaka Jawara and John Garrett go, literally, to the last pass of the game on multiple occasions. Besides that, Loyola-Istria and our own Cold Hill Buffalo have faced off in the semifinal twice, splitting those matchups. And Banija’s Northern Moravica Cougars have played against both Richardson and Cold Hill, each in the NSCF championship game, in the last two years, with a win and loss, respectively.

So yes, this won’t be the first time Banijan have been to the Karmin-Falce Superdome, which just a few months ago was flooded with fans of the aforementioned Northern Moravica Cougars, as Cold Hill triumphed in their first ever NSCF Championship game appearance.


Cold Hill QB Deondre Rhine during the NSCF Championship game

But earlier, we mentioned Isaka Jawara, and he would be taking the field here in what would be an electrifying performance.

Once the game began, he was immediately hot. Isaka Jawara is one for the best quarterbacks in the word, and he showed why on the first drive, going 3/3 for 45 yards before running in a ten yard touchdown that would set the tone early. The Serpent Eagles even had the audacity to go for two, a conversion that Jawara also ran in.

Not to be outdone, Derek McNair marched his squad down the field as well, and the game went to 8-8 as the 27 year old passer ripped a touchdown strike to his top receiver, Johnny Farmer.

With the game’s pace set, both sides began a tight contest, one that slowed down considerably until the fourth quarter, but there were plenty of tense moments as Ranoria, on the back of two more touchdown passes, took a 22-8 lead in what looked like a blowout.

Jawara, whom had taken a beating so far, had more in the tank though. Ranoria’s normally putrid pass rush had managed three sacks and nine hits already, holding the dual threat quarterback in check. But once the fourth quarter came around, something seemed to click.

Jawara led two straight scoring drives, lofting a pair of long touchdown passes to get his team back into the game, tying it up at 22-22. When the Banijan defense held strong, the Serpent Eagles even chipped in a field goal with just under two minutes remaining. Ranoria, having just one timeout, looked beaten.


The Serpent Eagles, led by Isaka Jawara, rallied for a fourth quarter comeback, putting up 17 points in 13 minutes

Derek McNair had other plans. One of the most popular players in Ranoria dropped back, and despite pressure, found a way to pick up twelve yards on a scramble and get out of bounds. He followed that up with a quick out to Ricardo Jackson, but dunking and dunking his way down the field just wasn’t going to cut it, as they eventually traveled just twenty seven yards by the time thirty seconds were on the clock.

So when the head coach called another quick out, McNair took things into his own hands.

He audibled and called for motion, isolating speedster Javier Gilmore on the outside. It was pretty clear what he was doing, and they’d tried it before, early in phase one. Gilmore had caught what should have been a game winning touchdown, but failed to get both feet down. And now they were trying again.

Fortunately, Gilmore was still just too damn fast. He burned through the coverage and split the safeties before they could get their hips turned. And this time, when he brought the pass into his chest, he rolled to the ground, making sure he was down.

And of course, the mostly-Ranorian crowd went wild.

The stadium wasn’t sold out by any means, but in the dome it still sounded like a thunder storm, as Banija went four and out to end the game, 29-22, after an exhilarating performance from both sides.

With that, both Ranoria and Banija are at 1-1. And Ranoria, with that win, will take second place in the Dejan Polek group on their path to a playoff berth.

Another plus: Such an exciting game at home will generate more money for the World Bowl team itself, which will lead to bigger payouts for players, and thus a greater incentive for quality players to show up and contend on the biggest stage. This means that, as long as the team keeps performing the way they are, Ranoria could improve to be a contender within a few seasons.

[West Phoenicia]

The West Phoenician War Dancers suffered their first loss and hurdle at the World Bowl XXXVII.
The War Dancers took on The Greater Nordics, from the start of the game they knew it was going to be a challenge. The strong defensive line that had worked every other match crumbled under the Greater Nordics offensive line.

The War Dancers were slow to respond and found themselves behind for the whole game, when the siren sounded they had lost 20-35.

While a team can not usually win every game, most disappointing for the War Dancers was this was the match that Empress Angelique Gryphon-Bush and her contingent had attend to enjoy the match. Media were quick to snap photo of many in the Empresses delegation with looks of disappointment on their faces. Even the War Dancers management staff appeared more uncomfortable with the performance of the team in front of a royal.

It was a huge disappointment to lose in front of a member of the Royal Family. Empress Angelique Gryphon-Bush is on a tour of good will, there was also rumour she was tried to emulate her sister wife and Co- Empress Cleopatra-Olympias Gryphon-Bush by being a patron of a West Phoenician sporting team.

Empress Cleopatra-Olympias Gryphon-Bush has soared among the common class every since she was an active supporter of the West Phoenician Baseball team. Empress Angelique Gryphon-Bush appears to be looking to follow suit to boost her popularity with the common citizen.

The West Phoenician War Dancers will next take on Newmanistan, a rival nation for baseball. With
Newmanistan on top of the grouping it appears that it will be a top match to knock their rival from the top position.

[Velstrania]

Dreadfire-class superdreadnought 'Gods holy light of freedom'

Kasurdien paced the deck, not out of nerves or frustration but leisurely; taking a spot of fresh sea air atop the mighty water beast he called home at this moment in time. The crusader admiral scanned the formation of the moderately large fleet arrayed around him: he knew that no shots were likely to be fired in this mission whether by him or against him, however the responsibility was still a constant presence: these men and women could live or die by his commands. One wrong move by the Crusader Admiral and they could all be taking a very quick dip to see what really did lie at the bottom of the ocean. He smiled as the progress of the fleet ground to a halt, sitting in international waters...no problem to anybody, surely? Of course the presence of the crusaders would be noticed by the main nation ministry but there was nothing in their mere presence to constitute a threat; just a presence in the endless waters. Exactly who ths Kierlaun was was a mystery to the Admiral, a random citizen of Velstrania wouldn't warrant the movement of a crusader fleet around the waters: he must either have connections or a serious amount of intelligence that the Holy Mazhrit didn't want spreading around: either way was bad. Mazhrits in the past had attacked smaller nations over the fact their leaders had defamed their brothers, and this current Mazhrit was not the most stable, whoever Kierlaun was however one thing was certain. He was causing one hell of a lot of problems both for the military and for the foreign affairs people.

Official Communication of the Free and Holy Nation of Velstrania, land of Freedom, abode of peace
Origin: His holiness the most exaulted Mazhrit Oorjin Velstraire, voice of God, protector of the free, bane of the Tyrant, lord-martial of the crusade and Commander-in-chief of Velstrania, its dominions, its church and its forces
Addressee: Main Nation Ministry
Subject: seriously stop
Encryption level: Highest

---

Good morning,
Holding a member of my wifes family hostage is a very bad idea for your continued prosperity, survival and anything you hold dear. Seriously, stop. I am not a man who lets family members rot in foreign jails, and certainly not a man who lacks the resources to make sure he doesn't. Get him out of that prison, now, or face the consequences.
Hoping I have made myself very clear,
- Oorjin

Holmesburg Prison

The very bruised form of Kierlaun, his injuries coming from his regular fights with prison staff, marched in traditional military fashion. The Crusader knight, for that was his title (and pitty on those fools who dared to mock it) turned the corner where other bewildered prisoners were finding their cells newly opened and attempted to track down a guard...he might not break his jaw this time. He'd broken quite a few jaws of late: breaking the jaws of the Tyrant's minions was fun. What he was for however, his lifes purpose, was to break the grasp of the Tyrant himself: was that not what God had made the Velsturman race for? He was supposed to be marching in a line through a liberated city, gun in hand, to the sound of the cheers of the newly liberated: not stuck in this prison...on finding a guard, he turned briskly around and marched up to him.
"Good day!" he called cheerily, "Has your leader finally turned from the Tyrant's teachings and decided to follow the path of freedom? There must be those in your nation who find this turn of events something else than the glorious thing it is: please, give me a gun so I might liberate their minds for them."

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIAN GRIDIRON SUPER LEAGUE
SEASON IV RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. As promised, I bring to you part three of our recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. As always, we have little time to waste on the niceties of introduction when we all know what's going to come next. So why are we still talking about introductions now? Why don't we get started into the actual recapping itself?

MATCHDAY THREE

Novonikolaysk Sharks       7  3  0  7  17
CSKA Tiraspol              7  7  3  7  24

Vladikrav Red Death        3  3  0  7  13
Rheinburg Spartans        10  3  0  7  20

Lake Begorod Revolution    3  3  7  7  20
Kesselburger Kestrels      6  7  0  0  13

Antakya Hawks              0  0  0  0  0
Yeralenko Torpedoes       10  6 10 10  36

Sheriff Tiraspol           0  0  0  0  0
Macaresti Gladiators       3  0  0  7  10

Admiral Novorossiysk       3 10  3 10  26
Dnistrolvovsk Bandits      0  0  6  0  6

Bratsk Dolphins            0  3  7  0  10
Dinamo Bender              7  0  3  3  13

Again and again, where do we start, where do we start? There's a lot that we can talk about here, really. So why not start at the very beginning? Novonikolaysk versus CSKA. The Sharks versus the Army Team. Now it may not look like it but this was actually very much a close-run thing. No kidding. There was a distinct possibility that either team could have won this game had this pass been completed or that play flagged. Real "for want of a nail" stuff. If Cortez Amoroso hadn't been sacked on 4th down and inches from the end zone in the third quarter, the Sharks might have won it. If Yevgeniy Ryzhkov hadn't been flagged for that horse-collar tackle, CSKA would have turned over possession on downs in the second quarter. It's always the little things that make the difference.

On to the next "big" topic of this matchday. As you can see, we've had a fair few shutouts over years, but I guess you can say that there's nothing quite like this game. It's not that you wouldn't expect some shutouts to happen here and there. It's more like the team that did the shutting out and the team that actually got shut out. When you say "shutout" in the context of the PGSL, admit it. The Yeralenko Torpedoes are not the first team that comes to your mind. And they haven't given us lots of good reasons to do that. But this was a rare day in which everyone in the Torpedoes organization was of one mind and one vision, at least on this one particular day. Janusz Kedzierski actually managed to not only find his receivers, but his sneaks and rushes also worked. Now that is not something that I had ever expected to write on this blog ever. This is a truly great, unique and wonderful thing. Let us all treasure this Torpedoes game before we inevitably forget it again thanks to another regrettable performance from the team from Rivymiyitevko Province. God bless their fans; they need His blessings, after all.

There are still a lot of great and juicy games that I would love to talk about here, but given that I only have the time and the space left for one more game, I think I will dedicate said time and space to the Bratsk versus Dinamo game, no matter how much it hurts me to replay those memories yet again. But anyway. After their terrible horrible forgettable Season III, Dinamo Bender now appear to be back in their groove and killing the league once again. Not that their fans expected any better. Heck, even I, a lifelong CSKA fan and the way Dinamo's season went last season, sometimes I was wishing that they wouldn't make it so easy for us to win. And then I remembered where my loyalties lie and I banished those thoughts like they were, well, thots. And you all know how much I love like Kelly Profit. So as always I was hoping for a Dolphins win over the Dinamo but, well, that didn't turn out quite the way it did. It was a real slog for both teams, a total grind. And of course it all had to go down to the final seconds, the final play. And it was exactly those kinds of situations that Yevgeniy Goncharovsky played for. He thrives on the tension, lives on the adrenaline, is addicted to the thrill. Yes, he said all of those himself. Don't believe me? Look it up. In fact, here's a link for all of you curious enough to look. Anyway, long story short, Dinamo won and Bratsk lost. Yevgeniy Goncharovsky scores the game-winning field goal once again, and yet that wouldn't have been possible without the complicity of the game officials Rodion Tarasenko pushing the ball all the way into field goal range. It's a happy day for Dinamo fans and a sad day for the fans of all the other teams all around.

PGSL Table After Matchday Three

   PGSL                     Pld    W   L    PF   PA   PD
 1 Yeralenko Torpedoes        3    3   0    82   33  +49
 2 Dinamo Bender              3    3   0    47   33  +14
 3 Admiral Novorossiysk       3    2   1    65   33  +32
 4 Macaresti Gladiators       3    2   1    46   20  +26
 5 CSKA Tiraspol              3    2   1    75   67   +8
 6 Rheinburg Spartans         3    2   1    72   71   +1
 7 Lake Begorod Revolution    3    2   1    57   59   −2
 8 Kesselburger Kestrels      3    1   2    49   40   +9
 9 Novonikolaysk Sharks       3    1   2    64   69   −5
10 Bratsk Dolphins            3    1   2    46   56  −10
11 Dnistrolvovsk Bandits      3    1   2    26   50  −24
12 Antakya Hawks              3    1   2    31   79  −48
13 Sheriff Tiraspol           3    0   3     7   23  −16
14 Vladikrav Red Death        3    0   3    22   56  −34

And now time for the league table! After three matchdays, I have decided that now would be the perfect time to reintroduce the league table into our recaps. And boy, what a time to do it! As expected, Dinamo Bender are near the top of the table, but wait a minute; what's this? What is this I see? Is this reality or just a fantasy? The Yeralenko Torpedoes are actually on top of the Dinamo! Everyone surely must have been rubbing their eyes furiously when they woke up to see these results up on the news. This was unexpected, completely unexpected. No one thought that the Torpedoes had the team necessary to compete for a playoffs spot, let alone the regular season championship. And yet here we are. Yeralenko and Bender are the only two teams left with unblemished records in Season IV of the PGSL. The latter is as expected, but the first one? Who could have seen that coming?

And that does it for me today for this edition of the recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League. I might put up part four sometime later today, I don't know. But until then, my friends, До свидания.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we earlier. Previously, we talked about Torisakia's 34-7 win over Allamunnic States to open up phase 2 of the tournament. Today we'll be talking about Torisakia's matchday two game that was against Northwest Kalactin.

Oh boy. This game...was not the prettiest. Mostly in terms of defense. I love to see offensive showcases as much as anyone else. But for it to occur against one of the lesser teams in the tournament is not something I was hoping for. Torisakia won but not in great terms. The Ice Birds beat Northwest Kalactin by a score of 53-37, probably the most lopsided score of this entire World Bowl. The first half was pretty much guns to the wall, both teams scoring a combined 60 points. Torisakia scored thee touchdowns in the first quarter alone, two Spady touchdown passes and one Prickett run. The defense was MIA the entire half, so much so that I believe the military planned a rescue operation for them. The Ice Birds have up over 250 yards of offense in just the first half, nearly double of what they allow for an entire game. There's similarities between this performance and Torisakia's performance against Cassadaigua in matchday six of phase 1 where they lost 43-41. However that scoring was spread out evenly over the entire game. This time most of the scoring occurred in the first and second quarters. I'm not entirely sure why of all opponents we play like this against a team that has only won one game the entire tournament. I understand that Northwest Kalactin is in the top 25 internationally in gridiron, but come on. We could have held them to at least 20 less points. Most of the scoring we gave up was due to careless mistakes that could have been easily prevented. Torisakia had a tournament high turnovers with 4, three fumbles and an interception. A sheltered virgin is better at handling balls than that.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Torisakia (2-0)	20	13	10	10	53
Northwest Kalactin (0-2)	14	13	10	0	37

Torisakia scored on every possession they had in the first quarter, the first two being 56 and 41 yard passes from Aaron Spady to Jay Abaroa and Quindel Loris respectively. The third score came on a 5 yard run by Michael Prickett with Matthew DeBerry missing the PAT, which makes it 5 missed PATs for him this tournament because he missed another in the second quarter. The two scores the Ice Birds gave up came way of the running game, with Northwest Kalactin's running back scoring twice from inside the red zone. One thing that really shifted the momentum the Ice Birds' way came late in the second quarter when Cliff Bolden returned a kickoff 103 yards for a touchdown. After trading around field goals in the third, Torisakia scored on a 60 yard pass from Spady to Bolden, one of the four touchdowns he threw for the day. Northwest Kalactin's final score came at around the one minute mark in the third on a short run by their running back. The Torisakia defense would finally shut them down in the fourth and the offense would tack on another touchdown and field goal to come away with the ugly 53-37 victory. Again I don't mind offensive showcases, but when it happens against one of the worst teams in the tournament it really doesn't look good on us. Especially when it happens on our own home turf. I think it's safe to say we won't be playing any more games at Kirk & Hilton Heights any time in the near future.

GAME SUMMARY OF TORISAKIA VS. NORTHWEST KALACTIN

1st QUARTER
11:19 TOR - 56 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
8:43 NWK - 14 yard run by unknown Running Back (unknown Kicker PAT)
5:47 TOR - 56 yard pass from A. Spady to Q. Loris (DeBerry PAT)
1:34 NWK - 6 yard run by unknown Running Back (unknown Kicker PAT)
0:05 TOR - 5 yard run by Michael Prickett (PAT missed)
END OF 1ST Torisakia: 20 Northwest Kalactin: 14

2nd QUARTER
12:46 NWK - 44 yard pass from unknown QB to unknown WR (unknown Kicker PAT)
7:22 TOR - 21 yard run by Michael Prickett (PAT missed)
3:01 NWK - 47 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
2:50 TOR - 103 yard kick return by C. Bolden
0:34 NWK - 42 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
END OF 2ND Torisakia: 33 Northwest Kalactin: 27

3rd QUARTER
9:39 TOR - 32 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
6:49 NWK - 19 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
4:15 TOR - 60 yard pass from A. Spady to C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
1:10 NWK - 10 yard run by unknown Running Back
END OF 3RD Torisakia: 43 Northwest Kalactin: 37

4th QUARTER
13:20 TOR - 24 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (M. DeBerry PAT)
5:57 TOR - 38 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 4TH Torisakia: 53 Northwest Kalactin: 37

Torisakia's next matchup is against the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, the first time on the road for phase 2 and the first game of a three game road trip. Quebec defeated Allamunnic States in a close 23-19 game on matchday two. Quebec is also 2-0 in the group and is one of the better teams participating in the World Bowl. They also have one of the best sports atmospheres in the world which will give way to a huge home field advantage for them. But as I've said before our guys have had a lot of experience playing in some of the toughest arenas in the world and in the country, so I have no doubt in my mind that they'll be prepared for this game. Lets just hope that both the defense and the offense show up for this game instead of one or the other. It makes for a lot less chance of having a heart attack.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Royal Kingdom of Quebec matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups and preview the next matchday. Take care and Rog was found last night lying under a highway in a cardboard box. No one knows how he got there and he's been disoriented ever since he was found.

[Ko-oren]

Back to Square One Plus Twenty-six

It has been a confrontation-laden affair for yFawgaff. The Dragonflies' defence is becoming more stable, but the discussions with his coaches are heating up. yFawgaff was given free reign of the defence, and has chosen a few coaches to manage the line, the LBs, and the secondary, but the ideas about how to utilise them are diverging. Having managed the debate around the starting quarterback, media turn to the defence once again in identifying what unit should bring Ko-oren far this World Bowl.

In the middle of that, you'd almost forget that there is a tournament going on. In the Ezekiel Daniachew group, all four teams are 1-1 and that means we are basically back to square one, except for point differential. On a loss to Cosumar and a win over New England, Ko-oren are first in the group with a +26 point differential - but with a game against Drawkland in hand. Drawkland have demolished Cosumar 44-10 after a lackluster loss to New England (14-34), illustrating that everything can, and will, happen. That puts New England in third, on a huge win to Drawkland but a bigger loss to us - and Cosumar in fourth, having beaten us, then losing to Drawkland. Effectively, it's a big circle of parity on the second matchday. Next up, we have Ko-oren versus Drawkland and New England versus Cosumar - the winners ending up in the top two spots for the time being. More importantly, the PD buffer means that it'll be hard for the Dragonflies to fall to 4th as long as we keep a hypothetical loss to a minimum. Thankfully, that's what we've done all tournament long, apart from a single Cosumar game.

Meanwhile, coach Pinoles, in charge of the defensive line, has asked yFawgaff to be involved more in game planning. Pinoles' main job is to manage a three-man line and keep the offensive line busy. Occasionally, Pinoles ends up with a 2-man line only, with four or five linebackers behind them that Pinoles has no jurisdiction over. The Wolves' coach wants a bigger role in how things are managed, despite how well the understaffed D-line performs. The scheme is taking a toll on the most used lineman, too. Braakjans, the huge nose tackle with the most snaps, defines 'insanity' as running into a centre and a guard at the same time, time and time again, not knowing what his colleagues do and if it's necessary for him to sacrifice his energy like that. Avink has taken over a part of the workload, and third stringer Rushadin is put on the field as well, but the latter shows that he has less to bring to the table. With only a two-man line, there are two defensive tackles on the field - and that has begged the question from the defensive ends whether they will play at all. Karentathen and Binnenpoorte, stalwarts on 4-3 defences, wanted to pad their stats in the sack and tackle for loss departments. Instead, they find themselves sidelined every now and again despite being the number one and number two defensive ends. Sure, they can accept that they are in a 3-4 and they're tasked with different objectives. Giving up playing time entirely while Braakjans and Avink are taking two for the team again and again has rubbed them the wrong way. Backed by the D-line coach, Pinoles, they have tried to change things around a little bit, but yFawgaff is reluctant to change. His eyes are on that prized unit, the linebackers, led by Bourguignon. Not only is Bourguignon in a different division, so less likely to steal strategies, but the linebackers as a whole are far more talented than the linemen. It makes sense that yFawgaff's tactics rely on the LBs - but he needs to keep the line on board.

Bourguignon, as an experienced coach, has much more authority than Pinoles. Things are unlikely to change... but can the nose tackles stay healthy?

Gridiron Football - yeah, that's an old game even in Ko-oren - Episode 3

We could spend the entire time talking about teams, but it's the people that make the teams and the games they play that make them immortal. Speaking about special matches, there's a certain round that keeps making the, er, rounds. The Home Away from Home. In fact, the towns used in the HAFH-round have some sort of connection to gridiron's history on the Dragonfly Archipelago, too. Taking a professional team's home city, add their feeder team locations, and you've got a rough idea what that team's heartland is. I mean, we have the Mayara Destroyers and the Mayara Wolves and you'd think 'well, they're both from the same city, so what?' but you're about to find out that it only looks like that on the surface.

Looking at the 'historical champions' list also suggests something like that. There was the Tireniun Wai, and there were the Bonesteel Destoyers, and these turned into the Mayara teams. So that's a lot of data already. The former team (Tireniun) sounds like it's from the Capital Cities' region - as in, it sounds very Gehrennan Ko-orenite (sounds a lot like the typical Ko-orenite name, like Perstadhaunden and the like). The latter (Bonesteel) sounds very Anglophone, so they're likely from further south, where English is spoken.

Let's put in a few more data points. (Yes, we will get to the Home Away From Home-round, but not just yet.) The Wolves' (that's the Ko-orenite sounding team) associated second division team are the Penstead Ocelots (far western peninsula) and that team is sometimes used as a penal colony ("One more foul like that, and we're sending you to Penstead") but honestly life over there is pretty nice, even if there's nothing to do except for watching hordes of tourists flock in between May and September. The Wolves' development team are the Mayara Mariners - from the same city. Well, that's inconclusive. Still, two out of three clues say that the Wolves have strong ties to the Capital Cities' region.

The Mayara Destroyers sound a little more Anglophone. Their second division team are the Four Cities Kings - wait, that's the opposite of what we expected. Their second division is tied to the Capital Cities' region as well. Their development team, then, are the Rozenvoorde Roses. Wait, that's not from the Anglophone south, that's from the Dutch-speaking (Batavophone?) east. We have three clues and they all say something different. Let me help you and give you the answer: the Destoyers have their roots in different shipping companies operating on the Bay of Ko-oren.

We could repeat this exercise for the 10 remaining teams, we might, but for now, let's turn to the HAFH-round.

[Free Republics]

OOC: ICly, Gossip Magazine is roughly equivalent to the National Enquirer in terms of credibility. This reporter did not visit the Main Nation Ministry and is, in fact, making up quite a bit of this story.

Gossip Magazine

Main Nation Ministry Part II: Jessica Madden's Sordid Affair
by: Etoile Quenneville

Jessica Madden is the most popular musician from the Main Nation Ministry. Formerly just a local name, she made a name for herself internationally at the Games of the XIII Olympiad when she rented out several floors of a 5 star hotel in downtown Republica. During the Olympics, she received an enormous amount of press attention in Republica and quickly made a reputation for herself by performing at the West Phoenician delegation's Garden of Eden club. During the Olympics, her song Reap What You Sow was the #1 public domain song on cTunes as it was ineligible for copyright in the Free Republics due to Madden's foreign origin and her lack of support from a Republican record label.

After the Olympics, Madden returned to the Ministry and has not had anywhere near as high of a profile in the Free Republics. On our recent visit to the Ministry, our paparazi managed to secure a number of photos showing Miss Madden with her new girlfriend. According to a conversation they overheard, her name is Charlie. Yes, the popular singer from the Ministry is a lesbian...

...[pictures here]

Be sure to check back tomorrow for part 2 of my series about the Main Nation Ministry!

Etoile Quenneville is a reporter for Gossip Magazine who focuses on foreign celebrities. A graduate of 11th Street High School in Republica, Etoile was hired straight out of school by Gossip Magazine. She likes cats, partying and using desperate men for free dinner dates.

---

With 11 minutes to go in the 4th quarter against Abanhfleft and a 26 to 24 lead, Dania Sandberg led her team out onto the field from the 2 yard line. An epic drive followed where the Republican offense kept the ball on the ground, grinding out 3 or 4 yards at a time. The minutes slowly disappeared from the clock as the Republican backfield left clouds of dust in their wake. With under a minute to go, Sandberg finally crossed the goal line by running over Abanhfleft's undersized defensive tackle Farrell Watley. Takehiko Susui added the extra point and the Free Republics had clinched a 9 point win.

A few days later, Vangaziland arrived in Yellow Bay for a battle at Podvez. It wasn't much of a battle though as Sandberg threw just 7 passes, completing 3 for 17 yards. Instead, the Republicans simply ran the ball over and over again, piling up a total of 73 running plays and controlling the ball for 46 minutes and 13 seconds. While neither team would be able to score a touchdown, Susui would go 6-for-6 on field goal attempts and Sandra Purvis would secure a safety by sacking the Vangazi quarterback.

With 2 wins secured, Katakin Maier believed her team needed just 1 more victory to secure a playoff spot. With the top 3 teams in the Kiggwe Mavuto group guaranteed a spot in the playoffs, the only way a team could finish 3-3 and miss the playoffs was if the entire group finished in a 4 way tie and Maier did not believe that a likely scenario. Nonetheless, Maier intended for her team to keep the gas on throughout Phase 2 to prepare for the postseason.

Next up for the Republicans was a visit to the Main Nation Ministry. Unhelpfully, Gossip Magazine had recently begun publishing an unflattering series about the Ministry on their web site. While Gossip Magazine was not regarded, to put it mildly, as anything resembling a credible publication and most people assumed all their "stories" were fabrications without significant evidence to the contrary, many within Nicholls Enterprises suspected that the Ministry did not know this. Consul Scarlett Nicholls and her father Senator Emeritus Robert Nicholls ultimately decided it would be unwise to draw attention to these stories just in case the Leader was unaware of them but they were prepared to issue an explanation and official apology to the Ministry if necessary...

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale still undefeated after 8 games!

Wloszczowa, Pomerania - Terre Septentrionale went 6-0 in phase one. Then in the first game of phase two, the Nordiques beat Ranoria 14-13 on the road and the Equestrian States 18-7 at home in Wloszczowa. Ranoria won the coin toss and choose to receive the ball. On their first drive, Ranoria had the ball at Terre Septentrionale's 19 yards line on a 2nd and 8. Derek McNair passed to Ricardo Jackson in the end zone for a touchdown and the score was 7-0 Ranoria. No one scored in the 2nd half and it was still 7-0 Ranoria at the halftime.

Terre Septentrionale's first drive in the 3rd quarter ended with a punt, same for Ranoria. With less than 6 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter, the Reprezentacja Nordycki had the ball at the 27 yards line in Ranoria territory on a 3rd and 5. Haylie Woo made a screen pass to Barkevious Hawkins who catches the ball and runs all the way to the end zone for a touchdown and the game is tied at 7-7. The Northmen took the lead early in the 4th quarter when Montavious McBryde ran into the end zone for a 6 yards rushing touchdown and the score was 14-7 Septentrionaux. With 0:19 and one time out left, Ranoria is at Terre Septentrionale's 24 yards line. 3rd and 10. Derek McNair's pass is incomplete. 4th and 10. Derek McNair passes in the end zone to Javier Gilmore for the touchdown. Everyone tought they tied the game but they have yet to do the conversion. Barry Chlorid comes onto the field for the conversion, but his kick is wide left, no good. It's only six points for Ranoria and the final score is 14-13 Terre Septentrionale!

Ranoria               7   0   0   6  -  13
Terre Septentrionale  0   0   7   7  -  14

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
11:28 - Touchdown by Ricardo Jackson (19 yards pass from Derek McNair). Extra Point by Barry Chlorid.

2ND QUARTER
No score

3RD QUARTER
5:36 - Touchdown by Barkevious Hawkins (27 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra Point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUARTER
13:24 - Touchdown by Montavious McBryde (6 yards run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.
0:19 - Touchdown by Javier Gilmore (24 yards pass from Derek McNair). Extra Point not good.

Equestrian States

Then on matchday two, Terre Septentrionale received the Equestrian States at home at Stadion Skrzypczak in Wloszczowa. Terre Septentrionale won the coin toss but they were stopped at the 43 yards line in Equestrian territory. Hayden Logan's punt was perfect and the ponies started with the ball at their own 1 yard line. On a 1st and 10, Quarterback #1 was sacked by Eldrick McLeod in his own end zone for a safety and the score was 2-0 Northmen. The Equestrian States took the lead in the 2nd quarter when Halfback #1 ran into the end zone for a 7 yards rushing touchdown and it was 7-2 Ponies. Terre Septentrionale answered back on their next drive with a 12 yards passing touchdown by Haylie Woo to Jennifer Killebrew and the score was 9-7 Septentrionaux. It was the score at the halftime.

Midway in the 3rd quarter, Barkevious Hawkins ran to the endzone for a 15 yards rushing touchdown and the Nordiques are leading 16-7. Early in the 4th quarter, the Equestrian States starts with the ball at their own 20 yards line. On a 1st and 10, Quarterback #1 is sacked by Nick Knox for a loss of 13 yards. On a 2nd and 10, Quarterback #1 is sacked in his own end zone by Nehemiah Charles for a safety and the score was 18-7 Terre Septentrionale. This is the final score and the Reprezentacja Nordycki won an 8th game in a row!

Terre Septentrionale  2   7   7   2  -  18
Equestrian States     0   7   0   0  -   7

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
12:18 - Safety by Eldrick McLeod

2ND QUARTER
7:39 - Touchdown by Halfback #1 (7 yards run). Extra point by Kicker #1.
2:50 - Touchdown by Jennifer Killebrew (12 yards pass from Haylie Woo). Extra Point by Crockett Burkhead.

3RD QUARTER
8:49 - Touchdown by Barkevious Hawkins (15 yards run). Extra point by Crockett Burkhead.

4TH QUARTER
14:20 - Safety by Nehemiah Charles

Banija

On matchday three, Terre Septentrionale will travel to a place in Banija called Askatasuna. Banija are ranked 14th but they had a 1-5 record in phase one against the best football teams. So far in phase two they beat the Equestrian States but they lost against Ranoria. It would be surprising to see us winning against Banija and tomorrow we could have a triple tie in Dejan Polek group with three teams with a 2-1 record and the Equestrian States with 0-3.

Logan McPhee,
Terre Septentrionale

[Main Nation Ministry]

Deathrun: All Hell Breaks Loose

"So I found a rock that looked like a small sculpture, I figured that I bring it here to show you-"
"Ughh... Please. Shut up." Brandon said, as he was trying to rest on his bunk bed. For the past several days, he was starting to get used to the prison life, but he was starting to feel annoyed, seeing how he's been in a box with another person for about nearly a week. "Come on, I figured it looked a lot like someone familiar to me. Maybe a celebrity, not that I'm into celebrities, but my daughter is into them. Well, I don't how she feels about me being in prison, though." Hoffman was telling Brandon his life story, which Brandon thought was idiotic, because he didn't even know Hoffman at all or could relate to him. Brandon was planning on drifting off into a nap, until Hoffman noticed something happen in the cell.

The plastic wall of the cell opened up, where Hoffman and Brandon took notice. Hoffman saw that the same thing was happening to all of the other cells in the block. Confused prisoners started to wander out, as some guards attempt to run back to their guard stations, locking themselves in. Though who knew what to do, but were late to get in were forced to deal with the prisoners around them. "Shit.." a guard pulled out an electric baton to make himself a path to cut through to the guard station. Then, the intercoms came on with a message that was the match that lit the fuse. "All inmates. This is an important announcement. The Leader has officially offered to grant you all official validation from all crimes, including murder and/or terrorism, if one is to escape this prison. Several buildings have been constructed to hinder your progress, but escape is possible. Any guards are to not interfere with prisoners escaping, unless provoked. Your freedom is will be rewarding." Silversti said over the intercom, knowing he was going to start a prison riot.

At first, no one took it seriously, until one of the guards tried to attack a prisoner who was literally 8 feet tall. "Get back! All of you get back! Get back at once-" the guard was silenced, after another prisoner managed to jump him from behind, causing them to attempt to swing their weapon at them, only to have it get yanked out of their hands by another prisoner. For Kierlaun, he didn't have a gun, but he knew what this meant. The call for the path of freedom was announced to him on a silver platter. For this moment, it was time for him.

---

At a cell block that was closest to the main gate, those who managed to find where the exit was were confronted by an obstacle that seemed easily plausible. A simple metal door. One of the prisoners attempted to get it open, however it was completely locked. Most of the prisoners were trying to break into the guard station within that cell block, looking for a key that a guard might have. However, some have literally improvised attempting to get the door open by inhuman means. One unfortunate prisoner was picked up by two burly men, where they carried him to the door. "Let go of me, you crazy psycho son of bitches!" he screamed, as they started to use him as a battering ram. The first impact didn't even do anything, yet some other prisoners joined in on the idea that the "battering ram" trick would work. "No! Help!" the prisoner used as a battering ram pleaded, as they gave it another go.

---

"Brandon! We're not staying here! I heard that there is a giant or something in another cell block that can literally crack our heads open!" Hoffman pleaded to Brandon, as he was busy surveying the chaos around him. "Please! Just listen to me! They going to burn this whole place down in the end! We need to escape, like the others!" Brandon heard from Hoffman, where he remembered what Hoffman was trying to tell him in the cell.
"..."
"Brandon?"
"I can be validated from any crime, right?"
"Yeah! But, I just want to escape here, so we don't die!"
"..."
"Brandon? Come on, man! Talk to me!"
"Let's go." Brandon suddenly changed his demeanor, where he nodded towards Hoffman. "Really?" Hoffman asked. "Come on! We need to get out of here!" Brandon demanded.

The two of them managed to find a small medi-bay, where in the same hall at where it was, there was strangely something that the two of them never seen before. "Hoffman, why is there a hall full of swinging wrecking balls the size of cannonballs?" Brandon asked, as prisoners were trying to run through the hall to get to the other side. They watched as a thin prisoner managed to get to the end, but gets his leg clipped by a low swinging ball, which he tries to jump over, that sends him flying a bit. However, he is still shown to be in good condition, despite kneeling in pain before starting to crawl towards the open doors. "Make way! Make way!" a prisoner said to the duo, as they saw a long-haired prisoner in a moving gurney.

"Is this a good idea, Ethan?!" a prisoner said to the one on the gurney. "Just push me and I make it to the other side! I'm an ex-wrestler! They can't kill me!" Ethan said, where he looked hopeful. "Are you sure?" "Just push the gurney!" he demanded, as they give it a good shove as it goes moving down the hall. At first, it looks like he's doing good, until a wresting ball hits him square in the head, while he's laying down. "Aw fuck! He got knocked out cold!" a prisoner at the other end said, as they checked on Ethan. "I'm going for it!" Hoffman yelled, as he started to run down the hall, where even after he gets hit by a wrecking ball on the side of his left body, he gets thrown against the wall, where he proceeds to get up and keep running. "This is crazy.." Brandon thought, as he saw a man with roller skates attempt to take the challenge. "They didn't take away my fucking skates!" he yelled, before a wrecking ball completely struck him. Brandon knew that man was immediately dead, but he needed to get out of here. Then, he had an idea.

"Slow and steady wins the race.." Brandon started to run, but only when he needed to get through the path of a wrecking ball. He was making sure he didn't get hit. Amazingly, a rather seline prisoner started to walk through, where miraculously he didn't get hit once. Before Brandon knew it, he was at the end with Hoffman. "C'mon!"

---

To: Mazhrit Oorjin Velstraire
From: Dorbi Truman, Secretary of Ministry of Foreign Affairs

Dear Mazhrit Oorjin Velstraire,

I understand that you are extremely on-edge due to the situation at hand, however I regret to inform you that prisoner Kierlaun along with several other prisoners are part of an "experiment" within one of our prisons. But the most important thing to explain is that Kierlaun has been found and is in a stable state where he is not majorly injured. I'm currently having our Princess attempt to pull some strings, since the Leader wants the experiment to still continue without any outside inference. If it's possible, we might discuss a possible talk either in Main Nation Ministry or Velstrania. We can immediately explain the situation more to you, though I ask that you do not conduct any harm to any citizen within the nation. Immediately message me, if you receive this. I will make sure that you read this, no matter what.

Sincerely,
Dorbi Truman, Secretary of Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

---

Libel: Poe's Law

At the Foreign Imports, several co-workers have been glad that the magazine of Sporting World hasn't been chugging out what they view in their eyes as "toxic trash". However, a worker discovered a new source has appeared in Free Republics, calling itself Gossip Magazine. The magazine seemed to be an innocent tabloid that you would just use as kindling, but a news story was immediately brought to the Leader's attention when it claimed that a journalist had an interview with the Leader, which of course, isn't true. When it was send to the Leader, he was surprised that some of this information on an article about Main Nation Ministry talked a bit about him.

"Who is Etoile Quenneville? I never met her? And she dares insults our gourmet seafood!? " the Leader asked, as he was reading the article about him. While some of the information was sinisterly true in another aspect, the Leader started to come to a conclusion that this Etoile Quenneville is not as professional as it seems. "They hiring morons for their media! She thinks I'm hot? Disgusting!" the Leader thought, as he checked his locket from his suit pocket to which he sighed, before putting it back. "Strange. Having a part of me that I remember helps a bit with boredom. Nostalgia at it's finest." the Leader thought, as he started to rip up the article.

The day when the next article was released, it was again put to the Leader's attention. However, he saw it differently. "They can't even do Photoshop right! You can even see the white borders they were supposed to erase!" the Leader said, as he was reading the article and looking at the badly edited photos. He can immediately tell that these photos were completely fake. "So... what do you want to do?" a soldier asked him, as the Leader wanted to do some fun with Jessica Madden.

Meanwhile... at the recording studio, Jessica Madden and her bandmates were trying to figure out a perfect tune for a song, when Brenda got a visitor. "Yes?" Brenda asked to a soldier, holding the Gossip Magazine of Jessica Madden. "Some journalist is making libel and the Leader wants to give it to Jessica Madden as a gift..." the soldier said, in pure honesty, knowing that Jessica will start demanding questions about the magazine. When Brenda alerted Gerald of it, Gerald immediately went into fight or flight mode, since Jessica wanted the relationship with Charlie a secret. "Jessica? Can I have a word with you, along with Charlie?"

"Who the fuck does this thot bitch think she is?! I mean, look at her "about me" section! She purposely sleeps with them!" Jessica said, while Charlie checked the pictures. "These girls you're with don't even look like me!" Charlie said, utterly confused and feeling humiliated. "I want to fuck her up...That bitch.." Jessica said, feeling the anger in her body. "Both of you calm down! I can send a letter to Gossip Magazine!"
"Don't."
"What?" Charlie and Gerald said in unison, where Jessica was peeking out to where her band mates were. "You do realize that we can only sue with the pictures. You do realize they somehow knew about this."
"But how did they know that you're dating me?"
"Charlie, I don't know why some hoe in Free Republics knows that we're dating, but we gotta stay hopeful. I'm not letting you get in the crossfire. I want the paparazzi hounding me, not you." Jessica said, though Charlie wanted to reassure her that the magazine isn't being published and send to Main Nation Ministry. After all, the magazine has been denied from being shown in the nation. "Come on, guys. Let's continue." Jessica said, as they continued on with their recording session.

---

To: Etoile Quennville, Gossip Magazine
From: The Ministry of Redacting, Main Nation Ministry

This is addressed to Etoile Quennville,
We have recently acquired two magazine articles from Foreign Imports written by you which states that you were in Main Nation Ministry where you claimed to have an interview with the Leader. However, we have overwhelming evidence that this is not true, as there is no reports that you even set foot in Main Nation Ministry. The Leader is demanding how you managed to obtain information from him, along with knowing information of a national celebrity. You are to present a detailed explanation, or we will forcibly have you cease publications of any more articles about us. While libel is somewhat a medium crime in our nation, the severity of it can be increased, if this is intentional to harass or insult us.

- An operative from the Ministry of Redacting

[Velstrania]

Kierlaun

First step, Kierlaun thought, get a gun. Second step: escape. Optionally, kill any of the tyrants minions you find on your way. The first step was going to be easy with all the confusion, prisoners and some of the less fortunate guards running around like idiots.

One guard had his back to him, trying to hold off a group of prisoners: when the crusader knight attacked, he did so swiftly and gracefully, long limbs wrapping around the guard: breaking the mans neck with the sort of crunch that tells the necks owner that it is the last thing he will hear. The giant took the mans gun, ammo, and ID passes and headed in the direction of the other prisoners.

How Kierlaun acted would probably have surprised most of the prisoners: while the guards were confused, the Velsturman took every opurtunity to coldly dispatch them without a second thought. Being the man with the gun, he quickly gained a little flock of prisoners, as he marched down the corridor on his one man crusade his lungs, spared from much work by his soldiers conditioning and fitness, bellowed out a Velsturman war hymn.

The wrecking ball room however, took Kierlaun by surprise: he wasn't exactly built for an obstacle course...what he was however was fast and graceful. He took a few glancing blows as he weaved and ducked through the balls, using his strength to bat some of them aside by their chains and clearing his passage, keeping close to the floor as he navigated the last few meters, his face in a joyful grin.
"Let's move!" he roared both at the prisoners who had managed to get through the balls and those still making the journey: "Kill as many guards as you can on your way. Leave this leader a trail of blood which will stain his memory forever! The life of the tyrants minions is a life worth ending!"

---

Good morning, Dorbi Truman,

I will not allow citizens of Velstrania to be experimented on by barbarians and tyrants. Whatever your leader wishes, it is the responsibility of Velstrania to extract our citizens from situations where they risk injury at the hands of a foreign force. Velstrania takes the wellbeing of its citizens very seriously, and will hold your leader personally responsible should this particular one die. If you care for your citizens as we do ours, I would advise your next response come with proof that Kierlaun is safe, free, and headed back to Velstrania. Crusader activity in your area may result from failure to comply with this directive.

In other words, do it.
- Oorjin

[Banija]

In honor of the Lion King's release... Take a listen to the new version of Be Prepared for tonight's cutoff.

League A

John Nampoza
South Covello 23–23 Pridnestrovia (23–26 OT)
Velstrania 37–22 Taeshan

John Nampoza                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Pridnestrovia                 3   3  0   65  56  +9
2 Velstrania                    3   2  1   95  84 +11
3 Taeshan                       3   1  2   60  59  +1
4 South Covello                 3   0  3   68  89 −21

Ezekiel Daniachew
Cosumar 41–27 New England
Ko-oren 25–3 Drawkland

Ezekiel Daniachew              Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Cosumar                       3   2  1   64  81 −17
2 Ko-oren                       3   2  1   70  22 +48
3 New England                   3   1  2   67  90 −23
4 Drawkland                     3   1  2   61  69  −8

Kiggwe Mavuto
Main Nation Ministry 34–26 Free Republics
Vangaziland 16–33 Abanhfleft

Kiggwe Mavuto                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry          3   2  1   97  66 +31
2 Free Republics                3   2  1   79  61 +18
3 Abanhfleft                    3   2  1   87  78  +9
4 Vangaziland                   3   0  3   29  87 −58

League B

Adama Sowe
Northwest Kalactin 6–36 Allamunnic States
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 19–22 Torisakia

Adama Sowe                     Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Torisakia                     3   3  0  109  63 +46
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       3   2  1   81  74  +7
3 Allamunnic States             3   1  2   62  63  −1
4 Northwest Kalactin            3   0  3   76 128 −52

Myles Debaba
United States of Devonta 26–20 Greater Nordics
West Phoenicia 26–12 Newmanistan

Myles Debaba                 Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia              3    2   1    68   50  +18
2 Newmanistan                 3    2   1    71   56  +15
3 United States of Devonta    3    1   2    42   81  −39
4 Greater Nordics             3    1   2    72   66   +6

Dejan Polek
Banija 20–3 Terre Septentrionale
Equestrian States 20–33 Ranoria

Dejan Polek                    Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Banija                        3   2  1  121  48 +73
2 Ranoria                       3   2  1   75  59 +16
3 Terre Septentrionale          3   2  1   35  40  −5
4 Equestrian States             3   0  3   43 127 −84

League C

Ousman Kakay
Cassadaigua 16–33 Bongo Johnson
Geektopia 33–14 Shatla

Ousman Kakay                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Geektopia                     3   3  0   84  52 +32
2 Bongo Johnson                 3   2  1   80  56 +24
3 Cassadaigua                   3   1  2   71  67  +4
4 Shatla                        3   0  3   37  97 −60

Dennis Zervos
Greater Vakolicci Haven 36–6 Greater Liverpool
Kandonica 17–37 Anthor

Dennis Zervos                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Anthor                        3   3  0  114  53 +61
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven       3   2  1  103  68 +35
3 Greater Liverpool             3   1  2   49  79 −30
4 Kandonica                     3   0  3   45 111 −66

Martial Odongo
Lavize 17–33 Tornado Queendom
Xanneria 3–13 Amurbia

Martial Odongo                 Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Amurbia                       3   3  0  117  47 +70
2 Tornado Queendom              3   2  1   80 108 −28
3 Xanneria                      3   1  2   37  45  −8
4 Lavize                        3   0  3   46  80 −34

[Trans-Dniesters]

Приднестровская Гридиронная Суперлига
PRIDNESTROVIA AT THE WORLD BOWL
WORLD BOWL XXXVII PHASE 2 RECAP

Hello there, friends, comrades, and fellow fans in gridiron. Once again we take a little break from our recap of Season IV of the Pridnestrovian Gridiron Super League to bring you more coverage of the World Bowl, which has now moved into its Phase 2 where teams once again have to play against each other for a slot in the next stage. Why are we still talking about this when we could be talking about gridiron? Let's jump into this already.

World Bowl XXXVII Phase 2 Special!: League A Matchdays One, Two, and Three

Taeshan            3  6  3  0  12
Pridnestrovia      0  3  3  7  13

Pridnestrovia      7 10  3  6  26
Velstrania         7  0  7  7  21

South Covello      3  7  7  6 0 23
Pridnestrovia      3 10 10  3 3 26 (OT)

Well, as you can see, the first half of Pridnestrovia's Phase 2 campaign in the present World Bowl is all about the story of fine margins and tight games, where the winner and the loser is often dependent on the actions of a single play. And nowhere was that in full display more than against Taeshan, winners of World Bowl XXXIV. Neither particularly offensive nor defensive, Taeshan was perhaps Pridnestrovia's most balanced opponent, if there was even such a thing. Their spread offense made life particularly hard for the Red Army's defense, seeing as our guys didn't like trying to guess because they inevitably end up second-guessing themselves. Despite that, they were able to keep the Fitin' Falcons to 12 points, but on the flip side, Taeshan kept Stan Serban and the Pridnestrovian offense to only 6 points. It looked as if the Red Army was destined to lose their first game of Phase 2. Then with time running out in the fourth quarter, Stan the Man somehow managed to find Filipp Akimov for a 40-yard touchdown despite Stan the Man coming under pressure from his collapsing pocket. Any number of things could have gone wrong in this one particular sequence: Serban could have gotten sacked, the ball could have been intercepted, Akimov could have literally dropped the ball, or he could have gotten control only when he had stepped out of bounds. And yet all of the aforementioned events didn't occur, and all the dominoes fell into place for a last minute Pridnestrovian win over Taeshan. Fascinating how the little things can singlehandedly turn the tide for or against any given person, team, or organization.

Playing against Velstrania was no less difficult. Sure, we had the home advantage, but the Velstranians are a rowdy lot, and they can play good football too. They can dish it out and they can also take it. The best kind of team to play against, if you ask me. It means that you don't have to watch out for too much bullshit, and you can expect the officials to call a fair game. And for the most part it was a clean and fair game; not too much bullshit calls getting called (this officiating crew seemed to love calling for neutral zone infractions though; at least it was called against both sides). This time though, the thrill wasn't with Pridnestrovia; it was with Velstrania attempting the very same comeback that we had pulled off against Taeshan. The Velstranians had a mighty mountain to climb, what with our team's early offensive explosion in the first half, but the fact that the Velstranians mounted the comeback itself is a good thing for us because it keeps our boys sharp and ready and not just sit back and think that they've already won the game without the final whistle being blown. Games have been lost simply because one team got a big lead in the early stages and sat back and watched as the other team clawed their way out of that hole and came back. Let this game be a lesson to everyone: don't just sit back; keep on scoring and scoring. Doesn't matter if the other team thinks you're unsporting; winning is the ultimate objective. A win by 1 point or 50 is a win everyday.

And South Covello... Oh, man, South Covello. Honestly, until now I still have no idea how we managed to get away with winning that game. I tell you, the Red Army had that game in the bag. We really should have won this game in regulation. Two ten-point quarters should have sealed the deal! But this time, South Covello did manage to make the comeback against us. They probably would have won as well if only their kicker hadn't hit the upright in the fourth quarter. I'll tell you what, that was a real close call. It was, as my good friend Dara Keane from Gaelic Gamers would say, a butt-clencher. When I first met Dara during a previous World Bowl, he told me that now that I was a gridiron fan, I was going to have to learn to become a butt clencher if I wanted to survive. Suffice it to say that after four long years, I believe I have now mastered the art of clenching my backside tightly. In fact, I may have learned too well since I have not yet "unclenched" even three days after the South Covello game. We're already close to finding out who's moving on at this stage! But thank God, thank God for our defense. Anatoli Sevyk was a constant nuisance to South Covello during their overtime possession, and Hieronymus Saller made life in the pocket difficult for the South Covello quarterback, never giving him enough time to think about his options and grinding their ground game to a halt. Sure, they did the same to us, but we scored and they didn't, so there.

And that does it for me for this edition of the World Bowl edition of the Unofficial PGSL Blog. Tomorrow we will be back in business with yet another part of the recap of Season IV of the PGSL, where things are beginning to get really exciting. Yeralenko on top of the table, comrades; who would have expected that? Anyway, my friends, as always, until then, До свидания.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we earlier. Previously, we talked about Torisakia's very ugly 53-37 win over Northwest Kalactin on matchday 2 of phase. Today we'll be talking about Torisakia's matchday three game that was against the Royal Kingdom of Quebec.

Keeping in tradition with Torisakia's lack of consistency, this game was the polar opposite of the Northwest Kalactin game. It was a complete defensive showcase. Now it wasn't as much of one as it could have been, but it was definitely much more conservative and boring than I would have liked. It also featured a record number of two point conversions that I've seen in my years of watching this sport. The entire game consisted of back-and-forth scoring, but spread more evenly. Torisakia never lead until the waning moments of the fourth quarter where they only lead by a field goal. This marks the first time all tournament long that that has happened. They've trailer numerous times but never this long in a game and never that late. Regardless the Ice Birds were able to pull out the win on the road. Despite some shaky offense we managed to scrap together some scoring drives when it mattered most. Spady threw three touchdowns including the go-ahead touchdown with under a minute remaining in the fourth on a screen pass to Michael Prickett. The Ice Birds managed 346 yards of total offense despite the defensive bout put up by Quebec.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Royal Kingdom of Quebec (2-1)	8	8	0	3	19
Torisakia (3-0)	7	7	0	8	23

Quebec scored first on a 35 yard touchdown pass in the opening minutes of the game and were able to catch Torisakia off-guard by running a fake PAT to convert for two points and go up 8-0 instead of 7-0. Torisakia would respond quickly after on a 49 yard pass from Aaron Spady to Cliff Bolden but would opt for the extra point instead of trying to tie the game up. The rest of the first quarter was a defensive slugfest with both teams continuously trading three-and-outs. The second quarter would feature the same pattern of scoring but at a later point. Quebec would add to their lead halfway through the quarter on a 55 yard wildcat double reverse flea flicker Statue of Liberty pass that even I had no clue what happened. They would again fake the PAT and convert a two point try by running the exact same 'holder flips ball to running kicker' play they did in the first but to the opposite side. Quebec then led 16-7 which marked the largest deficit that Torisakia had faced all World Bowl long. This didn't stop Spady and the offense as they marched right back down the field and scored on a 38 yard pass to Elias Kuzman. The rest of the quarter would again be a defensive bout and we entered halftime with Quebec leading 16-14.

GAME SUMMARY OF ROYAL KINGDOM OF QUEBEC VS. TORISAKIA

1st QUARTER
12:03 QUE - 35 yard pass from unknown QB to unknown WR (2-pt conversion successful)
11:19 TOR - 49 yard pass from A. Spady to C. Bolden (DeBerry PAT)
END OF 1ST Royal Kingdom of Quebec: 8 Torisakia: 7

2nd QUARTER
7:12 QUE - 55 yard pass from unknown QB to unknown WR (2-pt conversion successful)
5:23 TOR - 39 yard pass from A. Spady to E. Kuzman
END OF 2ND Royal Kingdom of Quebec: 16 Torisakia: 14

3rd QUARTER
No scoring
END OF 3RD Royal Kingdom of Quebec: 16 Torisakia: 14

4th QUARTER
12:58 QUE - 48 yard field goal by unknown Kicker
0:51 TOR - 28 yard pass from A. Spady to M. Prickett
END OF 4TH Royal Kingdom of Quebec: 19 Torisakia: 22

The third quarter was undoubtedly the most boring quarter of football I have ever watched. Neither team got any further than their own 40 yard line and never had a play go for more than 8 yards. It was like watching little kids play their first peewee game except without all the screaming alcoholic parents. Punt after punt after punt. It got so boring in fact that I thought the officials would just call the game there and declare a Quebec victory. But apparently that isn't how it works so they continued to play. Needless to say, the third quarter ended with no one scoring. So we stayed at 16-14 going into the fourth quarter. Quebec finally broke the sluggishness not long into the fourth by way of a 48 yard field goal to go up 19-14. The Ice Birds only needed a touchdown to go ahead, with or without the extra point. However Torisakia did absolutely nothing with the ball for the majority of the quarter. They only passed midfield once and that led to a turnover. It seemed like Quebec would put the game out of reach with around three minutes left when they entered the goal line, but two incompletions, two penalties and a sack pushed them back to the 35 yard line where they would miss a 52 yard field goal that would have put them up by 8, giving the Ice Birds one last opportunity.

And what an opportunity it was. Torisakia would march down the field all the way to the 28 yard line, converting three third downs on the way. The Ice Birds had a 3rd & 5 on the Quebec 28 yard line when they ran a HB Slip Screen to the right side where Spady found Prickett who scampered all the way into the endzone with only 51 seconds remaining. It was the most magical, awesome moment in Torisakia sports history to date, an absolute fact. Torisakia would take a page from Quebec's playbook and go for two, understandably since it would put them up by a field goal and essentially force Quebec to have to tie the game instead of getting a win. But instead of a fake PAT they ran a simple QB Read Option that Spady powered in to get the two points for the Ice Birds. Quebec would try to move the ball far enough down field to try for a field goal but would ultimately throw four straight incomplete passes and turn the ball over on downs with only 4 seconds remaining, securing a Torisakia win. Overall not the best game offensively and it definitely caused a good amount of people heart attacks, but a win is a win and it doesn't matter how you get it as long as you do.

Torisakia moves to 3-0 in the Adama Sowe group and their next matchup is against Allamunnic States whom they played in matchday one of phase 2 and defeated 34-7. This game will be the second of a three game road trip for the Ice Birds, this one being played in Roan-Ottonia at National Stadium in front of 96,000 people. Allamunnic States got their first win of phase 2 last night after defeating Northwest Kalactin 36-6. The biggest issue we'll have for this game is trying to recuperate after such a near victory and trying to stay consistent with our previous performance against Allamunnic States on matchday one, only this time on the road. National Stadium is one of the larger stadiums that the Ice Birds have played in this World Bowl and it will definitely be loud. However considering that all our guys are from Torisakia where it's loud all the time, they should have no troubles. Unless they decide they want to have troubles. Then there will be troubles.

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Allamunnic States matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups and preview the next matchday. Take care and last night Rog was speeding on the highway to impress his friends and swirled out of control and got into a head-on collision with a semi truck that was going 80 MPH killing his friends and leaving him crippled for life. He later snapped back into reality. He did not get into a car crash. He went into a severe state of psychosis due to bath salts and killed his wife and kids and had to be shot by police.

[Banija]

Just 3 games left in League play at World Bowl XXXVII as Dejan Polek group remains too close to call


Banijan players celebrate a touchdown against Terre Septentrionale

ASKATASUNA, AKSUM- We’re halfway through Phase 2 of World Bowl XXXVII, and let’s just say this- we have a full-on fistfight on our hands in the Dejan Polek group for the group’s automatic berth, and the group’s berth to the play-in game. While the Equestrian States, after dropping their first game in Sisonke by 60 points to none other than the Serpent Eagles are, for all intents and purposes, out of the running, there are three teams that are very much in the running for this group’s two, at max, playoff spots. Ranoria, Terre Septentrionale, and Banija are all tied, each having won two games and having lost once, each beating the Equestrian States once and each beating one of each other once, while having lost to one of each other once. If this were League A, of course, everything would be fine. All three would be well on the way for an automatic place in the knockout stages, and while there would certainly be some fights for seeding and such, the stakes wouldn’t be as high, or as desperate.

Before we dive a bit further into what the Dejan Polek group looks like, let us take a look at an analysis on how teams who switched leagues, either promoted or relegated, are fairing. I think the biggest surprise here, so far, is the competitiveness of the League C sides in League B. There were many thoughts that League C sides would struggle to compete in League B, where they’d be playing a pair of mid-tier League B sides, and a relegated side from League A. But, in all three cases, you are finding competitive Phase 1 League C sides. Torisakia is winning their group with a 3-0 record, and since they finished Phase 1 with a 6-0 record, they are the only one of the 36 teams in this tournament who has yet to lose a game. Of course, the highest ranked side they’ve played was 12th ranked Royal Kingdom of Quebec, but still- beating Quebec? The Allamunic States? It’s tough sledding out there for them. Even beyond that, you have West Phoenicia in first in the Myles Debaba group, though it is via a head to head tiebreaker with Newmanistan. And lastly, you have Terre Terre Septentrionale, who are in a 3 way tie for first place in our own group, though they currently lose out entirely on tiebreakers.

Let’s take stock of the relegated League A sides. While we ran the Equestrian States out of the building, we sit 2-1, in that 3 way tie. Newmanistan is currently losing a tiebreaker to West Phoenicia, while the Royal Kingdom of Quebec finds themselves in 2nd place in their group halfway through Phase 2. All three League A sides are fighting for their proverbial lives, and interestingly enough, the latter two are competing mainly against the promoted League C sides for the automatic spot in the knockout stages. While League C sides thrive in League B, this is not true in League A. The trio of promoted League B sides are a combined 1-8 in Phase 2 so far, with New England getting the only win for any of them in Phase 2. The original League A sides are showing their strength, and will probably be favored to earn the League A automatic berths into the knockout stages. And lastly, of course, there is League C. How are the relegated League B sides doing? It’s a mixed bag. -Anthor- is undefeated, but Bongo Johnson finds themselves a game behind Geektopia for first in that group, and Xanneria, with 2 losses, seems virtually out of the running for the League C playoff game already. It will be interesting to take stock of this when the field of 16 in the knockouts are set.

But now, back to business- the Dejan Polek group. As we get to the business end of Phase 2, this much is undoubtedly clear- it’s for all the marbles. This is a fistfight that’s going to last, and that is going to be quite entertaining. And while you have a trio of teams tied right now, the equation of things is relatively simple in this group. Banija will be heavily favored in their trip to (presumably) Canterlot, and while there is no way we’ll beat the Equestrian States by 60, a victory over their regional rivals there will officially eliminate the Equestrian States from World Bowl contention, while putting the Banijans at 3-1 ahead of their two toughest games remaining- vs. Ranoria, and away to Terre Septentrionale. Ranoria must take a flight this week to the unranked Terre Septentrionale side, a squad that has been surprising pundits from around the multiverse with their strong performance in this World Bowl so far. Their first ever appearance in this tournament, a 6-0 record in League C has led to a strong and spirited bid to notch what would certainly be a massive upset, and get out of the Dejan Polek group and to the knockout stages.

The next key game, of course, is Ranoria’s Week 4 trip to Terre Septentrionale. We all know that in the opening matchday of Phase 2, there was a bit of an upset, when Terre Septentrionale beat Ranoria by one, at the Karmin-Falce Superdome. With their World Bowl campaign all of a sudden on the ropes, Ranoria stepped up by delivering a huge blow to the Banijans in Phase 2, a 29-25 victory righting the ship. A visit to the Equestrian States on Matchday 3, of course, put them at 2-1, and means that they are winners of 6 of their last 7 in this tournament, after starting 0-2. If Ranoria beats them(and assuming Banija takes care of business against Equestria), that puts them at one more massive step towards the knockout stages. And if Ranoria can avenge that loss? That sets up a perfect scenario for what will surely be a ratings bonanza. The college sports teams of these two nations are used to frequently meeting with quite a bit on the line. But if Ranoria and Banija both win, then their Matchday 5 battle, at the Stadium of the Restoration, will function essentially as a Dejan Polek group championship game. A win for Ranoria would see them, in all circumstances, then be declared winners of the group with a game left, and they would be able to book flights back to Banija for the knockout stages. If Banija won, then they’d take a huge step towards that goal, though it wouldn’t necessarily be clinched. We’d be in first, but we’d then still have to travel to Terre Septentrionale and win there to wrap things up, which is a task that is far easier said than done. Remember, Banija are 0-4 on the road in this World Bowl so far, and we are having some serious troubles performing away from home. Against a team that has played as well as Terre Septentrionale has so far? There’s no way you could simply pencil that in as a win. Wouldn’t they like nothing better than to knock out the host nation before the country’s hosting duties get started?

It'll be an interesting one. But while we, journalists, can look ahead and theorize, the team cannot afford to do so. They take a trip to the Equestrian States, which has all the makings of a trap game. A struggling opponent in the Equestrian States, a team that we already thoroughly dominated, while playing on the road? The looming game being a massive one against a burgeoning rival that will take place at the Stadium of the Restoration? And, of course, the sporting rivalry that these two nations have that is fueled, primarily, through their association football teams. The Equestrian States, while unlikely, at this point, to make the knockouts, would love nothing more than to spoil the party for the Banijans. Let’s get our focus there, let things play out as they may in Terre Septentrionale, and then prepare for what should be an electric atmosphere in Week 5, when Ranoria get to come back to Busukuma, and Banija can have its chance at revenge.

[Terre Septentrionale]

Terre Septentrionale lost against Banija

Askatasuna, Aksum, Banija - On 2nd phase's matchday 3, Terre Septentrionale made a trip to Banija and received a lesson of football from them. Terre Septentrionale won the coin toss but had to punt after 3 plays. On their first drive, Banija made a 39 yards field goal and the score was 3-0. The Serpent Eagles made another field goal midway in the 2nd quarter but the Nordiques reduced Banija's lead with a 51 yards field goal with 0:28 remaining in the 2nd quarter. The score was 6-3 banija at the halftime.

Banija started with the ball in the 3rd quarter. They were at Terre Septentrionale's 22 yards line with a single back formation when Isaka Jawara passed into the end zone to #13 Joyner McEben for a touchdown. The score was 13-3 Banija. Just before the end of the 3rd quarter, the Reprezentacja Nordycki was at their own 36 yards line when Haylie Woo tried to pass to Jennifer Killebrew but the ball was intercepted by Yonas Azikiwe who returned the ball to the 11 yards line in Terre Septentrionale's territory. On a 3rd and 6, Isaka Jawara made a short pass to Beluchi Okparro who catches the ball and runs to the end zone for a touchdown. The score was 20-3 Serpent Eagles and it was the final score. Banija's defense owned Terre Septentrionale who only had 126 yards in offense. Haylie Woo had a bad night, being intercepted twice and sacked 5 times.

Banija                 3   3  14   0  -  20
Terre Septentrionale   0   3   0   0  -   3

BOXSCORE
1ST QUARTER
11:20 - Field Goal by Chioma Uchie (39 yards)

2ND QUARTER
7:34 - Field Goal by Chioma Uchie (46 yards)
0:28 - Field Goal by Crockett Burkhead (51 yards)

3RD QUARTER
11:42 - Touchdown by Joyner McEben (22 yards pass from Isaka Jawara). Extra point by Chioma Uchie.
2:39 - Touchdown by Beluchi Okparro (5 yards pass from Isaka Jawara). Extra point by Chioma Uchie.

4TH QUARTER
No score

Ranoria

On matchday 4, Terre Septentrionale will receive Ranoria at Zack Murphy Stadium in El Perro, Township of Texas. Texas is the only non LGBT friendly township and they're also against abortion. It's also an English speaking township while most other townships speaks either French or Polish. It will be a very important game for both team because the winner could finish 2nd and the loser will finish 3rd, assuming Banija takes the 1st place. But Banija aren't unbeatable and anything can happen in this group, so let's just say the winner between Terre Septentrionale and Ranoria has a better chance to qualify. If Ranoria wins by more than 1 point, they will get the tie break in case both finish with the same number of points in the standings.

Logan McPhee,
La trbune septentrionale

[Ko-oren]

Upset Win

Politicising the units on the defence and having each unit's coach act as a champion for that line. It was a risky strategy. Actually, it wasn't even a strategy, it was a side-effect to a system that was put in place just before the tournament started. At least nobody takes it personally. Even if coach Bourguignon is at odds with coach Pinoles over whether to have a 3-4, 4-3 or to even allow a 2-4 sometimes, the system works, the defence is as strong as it ever has been and every opponent is at risk of a shutout. The one factor not yet included in this: the players.

Turns out that players do get defensive over the amount of snaps they get. After stellar performances in the domestic league and even the Ko-oren Bowl, the defensive linemen expected to be rewarded in the form of extra time on the field in the World Bowl. The pass rushers have been moved to outside linebacker, the nose tackles have enough to do, but it's the 3-4 defensive ends that are the biggest losers of the strategy. Every single public appearance circles around their incredibly low amount of snaps. Somehow, the interviews aren't dominated by players saying they believe in a system that keeps teams like Drawkland and Cosumar to three points, and New England to six.

Because that is how it is: we are watching a defence that is as dominating as ever, supported by an offence and special teams that are much better than expected. Fewest points allowed out of all League A teams - by 34 points. We have allowed 22 - Pridnestrovia have allowed 56. We have outscored all of our Ezekiel Daniachew group mates. We are, in fact, the only team on a positive point differential in this group. The level of dominance is unheard of and it certainly never happened in the history of the Dragonflies, not even in the World Bowl winning cycle - and still, all we hear about is issues that would likely take this group and actively makes it worse. It's a good thing these issues are being talked about, it's a lot better than the premature celebrations that we've seen in Bowls past, but why implement clunky fronts, stacked boxes, and other problems in a defence that has the secondary as its best feature.

For all the efforts of this team, the point differential statistics, and more: we are 2-1, second in the group, and one game away from fourth. There are a lot of ways to frame this group, and making it seem like we dominate this group is one of them. Another way is to show how everyone can beat anyone, and this group might just have four 3-3 teams at the end. Four wins are enough to make the next round for sure, but that still means that the Dragonflies have to win two more games from the next three. And that's hard. All we've seen so far is excellent play rewarded by an above average position.

Meanwhile, Pridnestrovia are 3-0 in their group and cruising towards the next round, Vangaziland are 0-3 and appear to be the first eliminee from League A (all other teams are 2-1). Everything can happen on paper, but they need to win two more games than any team. Torisakia are a decent bet when it comes to League B nations to get to the playoffs. Hosts Banija are in second place in their League B group, as are Quebec and Newmanistan, and that's a high profile trio that might just miss out on the big show. There is more than enough left to play for, but not much time left.

Gridiron Football - yeah, that's an old game even in Ko-oren - Episode 4

We're finally here. The Home-Away-From-Home-Round, or the HAFH-round. What is it? Why does it exist? How does it work? And just because you can, does that mean you should?

What is it?
The HAFH-round refers to a group of regular-season games in which every team plays a home game at a venue that is not their typical home venue. Instead, they play in a different place, often a smaller town. Often that town used to be their home base. In a sense, it's more home than a home game. In another sense, it's a neutral game. In a third sense, it's a way to drive your opponents nuts by making them drive all the way to some tiny town way out there. In any way, the game is played in a smaller venue ('adds character') in a smaller place that is associated with the team and its fans. These games are played in weeks 3 and 4, and always involve an out-of-division opponent. In all, every single team plays one HAFH-game.

Why does it exist?
Because it is a great way to pay homage to the original place a team is from, while also acknowledging the fans from that area, and making some out-of-division games extra special. It also brings people out to that area, which is often rural, so it's great for local businesses as well. During the broadcast, the region can showcase itself, and the entire thing is a fantastic experience. What's not to love?

How does it work?
In weeks 3 and 4, every single team is given one home game. That means that every team will play two HAFH-games, one as a home team and one as an away team. For a HAFH-game, both teams, some travelling fans (but mostly local fans), the referees, broadcasters, commentators, and more go out to the designated town to enjoy a great night of football.

Why continue the HAFH-round?
Read 'Why does it exist?'. If that can't persuade you, nothing will. Except for visiting the games themselves. Also, the local-ness of the entertainment may cause some nice cringe moments. Failing floodlights, commentators mispronouncing or cleanly forgetting the town's name, camera mishaps, forgotten/misplaced equipment ("I'm sure I put the helmets in this box").

What team plays where?
Western Division:
Mayara Destoyers -> Maethoru, a large city but the only port city doing justice to a team that has evolved from shipping companies
Mayara Wolves -> Gakhithrau, Tuzmanjuth, or Tokponen. All three are towns in rural/inland Mayara province.
Mawryshire Centaurs -> Lawrshoffin or Penstead. Penstead is a lot bigger, but very remote at the same time, so it cancels out.
Eaglebury Emperors -> Tarrashall, which has the Woomera Ground at 7500 'seats' aka places on a hill you can put a blanket on.
Greencaster Godspeed -> Marinwood. It's a bigger place, not as big as Penstead or Maethoru though, but gridiron just isn't a rural sport in the province Greencaster is in, so playing in a smaller town further away from Greencaster wouldn't make sense.
Willowbourne Saints -> Norille, Anarcourt, or Huthwich: to Willowbourne's northeast - because that's out of rugby union-land and well into gridiron-country.

The Western division teams are in very densely populated areas compared to the Eastern division. It wasn't too wild so far, but get this:

Eastern Division:
Noordrug Astronauts -> Lamau, Straudum or Dartha, all three are towns that are 100 km away from Noordrug's native city of Launott - but a 300 km drive at the least.
Aerellen Explosions -> They play in the province of Aerellen, in a city called Aevanna. There is another town called Aerellen which is their HAFH-game town, but only if it hasn't snowed in already. Otherwise, they play at Egevea.
Sterrenwolde Dragonflies -> Tuinderbeek/Ossendal, just to Sterrenwolde's east. They have experimented with really, really far away games but that wasn't in the spirit of the round so those were ditched.
Aminey Caspians -> Soibourg, Biney, and sometimes Amillon. Amillon doesn't count as it has a population of over 300.000, but Soibourg and Biney are perfect for this.
Schemerdrecht 65ers -> Angelwoud, to Schemerdrecht's east and dangerously close to Sterrenwolde (and therefore Dragonflies territory).
Schemerdrecht Admirals -> Helburg or Arboren. Helburg is a short drive from Schemerdrecht and the perfect sized town for this, and the only town that doesn't have a regular team (Laringen is also close but they already have a 2nd division team). Arboren is several hundred kilometres away to the northeast, well inside Explosions territory, but close enough to their feeder team in Serevne - that's far away even for Aerellen standards (further north than the town of Aerellen, too).

[Free Republics]

OOC: ICly, Gossip Magazine is roughly equivalent to the National Enquirer in terms of credibility. This reporter did not visit the Main Nation Ministry and is, in fact, making up quite a bit of this story.

Gossip Magazine

Main Nation Ministry Part III: The Ministry Responds
by: Etoile Quenneville

So I woke up this morning to find the following message from the Main Nation Ministry which was apparently upset by my truthful and accurate description of my visit to their country:

To: Etoile Quennville, Gossip Magazine
From: The Ministry of Redacting, Main Nation Ministry

This is addressed to Etoile Quennville,
We have recently acquired two magazine articles from Foreign Imports written by you which states that you were in Main Nation Ministry where you claimed to have an interview with the Leader. However, we have overwhelming evidence that this is not true, as there is no reports that you even set foot in Main Nation Ministry. The Leader is demanding how you managed to obtain information from him, along with knowing information of a national celebrity. You are to present a detailed explanation, or we will forcibly have you cease publications of any more articles about us. While libel is somewhat a medium crime in our nation, the severity of it can be increased, if this is intentional to harass or insult us.

- An operative from the Ministry of Redacting

Yes, they actually accused me of making up my story! As our readers know, Gossip Magazine reporters do not fabricate stories and our magazine has the finest fact checkers that money can buy. I stand by my prior reporting.

Unfortunately, I was unable to get today's story finished on time due to stress over these empty threats to prosecute me in their kangaroo courts so I will have to delay the next part until tomorrow. Be sure to check back tomorrow for part 4 of my series about the Main Nation Ministry! This will be the exciting conclusion to our series that is sure to cause an international incident. I'd love to tell you more but I believe it is necessary to maintain the element of surprise.

Etoile Quenneville is a reporter for Gossip Magazine who focuses on foreign celebrities. A graduate of 11th Street High School in Republica, Etoile was hired straight out of school by Gossip Magazine. She likes cats, partying and using desperate men for free dinner dates.

---

The game between the Main Nation Ministry and the Free Republics had come down literally to one last play. Dania Sandberg heaved a Hail Mary to the end zone and Dalibor Vladimir was called for pass interference as time expired. This gave the Republicans an untimed down at the 1 yard line, needing a touchdown and a 2 point conversion to send the game to overtime. Katakin Maier dialed up the triple option. Sandberg kept the ball as Makharbi Barsukov rumbled into the end zone, running over Vetle Hopkin to get in. However, Maier headed to the outside where she pitched to Jonas Hetland. Adrian Kyung jumped in front of the option pitch and knocked it backward. Daniil Fereydoun scrambled to the ball and fell on it to secure a 34 to 26 win for the Ministry. Afterwards, Sandberg's decision making was heavily criticized on the various sports talk programs but Katakin Maier defended her quarterback. "Its really difficult to make that kind of decision in that kind of situation and Dania made the right read. 9 times out of 10, Makharbi would have been tackled in the backfield for a loss. Its just really unlucky that he would have scored on this play and didn't get the ball."

---

In Republica, the midterm elections were heating up as Scarlett Nicholls led a rally for the Liberty Party's list outside the New Legislative Building in Republica. The rally was crashed by a number of male students from Barjavel Academy, the school where Sister Polus teaches. The students were wearing "Common Good" hats. As Nicholls started speaking about the dangers of Common Good, the high school students started a "Shut Up Harlot" chant. Scarlett was phased by it and quickly veered off topic as the police escorted them away.

Scarlett Nicholls - This is exactly why it is important for the future of the Free Republics that we defeat the extremists this fall! These teenagers, as you can see, are wearing Barjavel Academy shirts and I think everybody knows which political party's hat they are wearing. I've had more than enough of that Polus woman from Saintland who won't stop inciting mobs to harass me! I will be contacting Barjavel Academy tomorrow and I will ask them if these students reflect the values of their school and whether or not Mary Polus [sic] has conducted herself with the proper decorum that is expected from a teacher and school administrator!

Scarlett then resumed her speech focusing on her accomplishments, her policy agenda and the need to elect Liberty Party candidates and defeat Common Good...

[Banija]

How many versions of the same song can one be prepared to listen to at cutoff during this tournament?

League A

Key
Clinched automatic berth in knockout stages
Clinched berth in Play-in Game

John Nampoza
Pridnestrovia 50–16 Taeshan
Velstrania 20–14 South Covello

John Nampoza                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Pridnestrovia                 4   4  0  115  72 +43
2 Velstrania                    4   3  1  115  98 +17
3 Taeshan                       4   1  3   76 109 −33
4 South Covello                 4   0  4   82 109 −27

Ezekiel Daniachew
New England 20–19 Drawkland
Ko-oren 27–13 Cosumar

Ezekiel Daniachew              Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Ko-oren                       4   3  1   97  35 +62
2 Cosumar                       4   2  2   77 108 −31
3 New England                   4   2  2   87 109 −22
4 Drawkland                     4   1  3   80  89  −9

Kiggwe Mavuto
Free Republics 44–34 Abanhfleft
Vangaziland 16–26 Main Nation Ministry

Kiggwe Mavuto                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Main Nation Ministry          4   3  1  123  82 +41
2 Free Republics                4   3  1  123  95 +28
3 Abanhfleft                    4   2  2  121 122  −1
4 Vangaziland                   4   0  4   45 113 −68

League B

Key
Eliminated from World Bowl XXXVII
Clinched top two spot in Group

Adama Sowe
Allamunnic States 13–24 Torisakia
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 36–17 Northwest Kalactin

Adama Sowe                     Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Torisakia                     4   4  0  133  76 +57
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec       4   3  1  117  91 +26
3 Allamunnic States             4   1  3   75  87 −12
4 Northwest Kalactin            4   0  4   93 164 −71

Myles Debaba
Greater Nordics 32–23 Newmanistan
West Phoenicia 37–24 United States of Devonta

Myles Debaba                 Pld   W   L    PF   PA   PD 
1 West Phoenicia              4    3   1   105   74  +31
2 Greater Nordics             4    2   2   104   89  +15
3 Newmanistan                 4    2   2    94   88   +6
4 United States of Devonta    4    1   3    66  118  −52

Dejan Polek
Terre Septentrionale 23–40 Ranoria
Equestrian States 33–20 Banija

Dejan Polek                    Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Ranoria                       4   3  1  115  82 +33
2 Banija                        4   2  2  141  81 +60
3 Terre Septentrionale          4   2  2   58  80 −22
4 Equestrian States             4   1  3   76 147 −71

League C

Key
Clinched top two spot in Group

Ousman Kakay
Bongo Johnson 19–13 Shatla
Geektopia 56–26 Cassadaigua

Ousman Kakay                   Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Geektopia                     4   4  0  140  78 +62
2 Bongo Johnson                 4   3  1   99  69 +30
3 Cassadaigua                   4   1  3   97 123 −26
4 Shatla                        4   0  4   50 116 −66

Dennis Zervos
Greater Liverpool 32–14 Anthor
Kandonica 19–31 Greater Vakolicci Haven

Dennis Zervos                  Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Anthor                        4   3  1  128  85 +43
2 Greater Vakolicci Haven       4   3  1  134  87 +47
3 Greater Liverpool             4   2  2   81  93 −12
4 Kandonica                     4   0  4   64 142 −78

Martial Odongo
Tornado Queendom 17–26 Amurbia
Xanneria 33–3 Lavize

Martial Odongo                 Pld  W  L   PF  PA  PD 
1 Amurbia                       4   4  0  143  64 +79
2 Tornado Queendom              4   2  2   97 134 −37
3 Xanneria                      4   2  2   70  48 +22
4 Lavize                        4   0  4   49 113 −64

[Geektopia]

Geektivities

Geektopian NT's top 3 matches in Phase 2 and post-game interview w/ G. Sophie

Hey all, I am Gary Rozensweig recording another episode of Geektivities, or your announcement board for everything related to Geektopian sports. In this edition we're going to tackle (mhm) our success in football. Now this week we would've had a lot to say if it weren't for that firee intimidating us at our work. Henceforth, we're firing back on all cylinders now to tell all listeners our favorite football matches, how I keep referring to myself as multiple people, and how Germain Sophie makes me wish I hadn't retired. A bit too personal? Yeah, probably.

3 () vs. Cassadaigua (P2MD4)
The Greens played for their lives in the first phase, but somehow when they were less motivated then ever, they struck the target, creating the most confetti-filled locker room a janitor has to ponder his career over. QB Germaine Sophie was the centre of attention. Nicknamed, the "Chaperone" for his ability to drive through the other team as if they were little kids, he delivered.

2 () vs. Shatla
The pure can of whoop-ass that Shatla endured was enough to put millions of Geektopian butts in seats as TV records were topped from a karaoke recording to a great game of football.

3 () vs. Bongo Johnson
The best ranked national team in Ousman Kakay made us proud to beat them by a mere 7 points as the Green and Whites edged it out to lift their heads to the clouds in terms of morale and readiness. Just before Cringle McBerry dived across the goal line, Germaine Freaking Sophie mauled him to the ground as a mountain lion dragging an antelope through the sierra would.

INTERVIEW AFTER FOURTH CASSADAIGUA MATCH

(): No other players were beside you in your first touchdown for the national team, how did you go on and off between spinning past others grasp to demolishing the Cassadaiguans as a one-man wrecking crew?

Sophie: Well, I've always had this inane talent to recognize peoples weight and height. In fact, I've even had a job as a fair worker guessing height and weights. I guess I just know who to sort out when I ran across the field like I did prior

(): Well I think you've done yourself proud, in fact, theres a celebration in the locker room waiting for you, Sophie.

[Torisakia]

And welcome to another edition of the Sports With Bort blog, I'm your always humble host Bort Stevens. We're continuing our special report on Torisakia's World Bowl 37 campaign that we earlier. Previously, we talked about Torisakia's ultra epic dramatic defensive 22-19 win over Royal Kingdom of Quebec on matchday three of phase 2. Today we'll be talking about Torisakia's matchday four game and their second meeting with Allamunnic States, this time on the road.

Well this game was a bit better than last game. Low scoring but not as much of a defensive slugfest as the Quebec game was. The scoring was spread pretty evenly and the only real boring part of the game was the fourth quarter. but by then both teams were playing conservative and just trying to get out of the game. The offense got back on track with over 350 yards of total offense, two passing touchdowns by Spady, and one rushing touchdown by Michael Prickett. The defense played pretty well too, shutting Allamunnic States out the entire second half and probably would have for the entire game if it weren't for a few offensive turnovers. There's really not much to say about this game other than it was another dominating performance by the Ice Birds after having back-to-back letdown games. When I say "letdown" I don't mean in the term that we lost or anything. What I mean is that in those game we strayed away from our identity. We're a fast paced team with an equal balance of scoring and defense. One or the other was missing in both of the past two games: defense against Northwest Kalactin and offense against Quebec. It's normal for teams to have a bad game or two in the World Bowl but very rarely do they have them back-to-back like that especially if they're one of the better teams in the tournament. Also given that one of those games was against one of the lesser teams this World Bowl, it just kinda disappoints me that we can't be consistent. Consistency is a key to doing well in any international sporting event, not just the World Bowl. If we can't consistently perform, we can't consistently win.

Box Score	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	Final
Allamunnic States (1-3)	3	10	0	0	13
Torisakia (4-0)	7	7	10	0	24

Back to the game now. Allamunnic States had us in the first half, not gonna lie. They played pretty well to keep up with us. Torisakia got on the board first early in the first on a 26 yard pass from Aaron Spady to Quindel Loris. Speaking of Spady, he's now one touchdown pass away from breaking to Torisakia international record for most passing touchdowns in an event with 30. It's hard to believe so much of our scoring has revolved around him and I'm thankful that he hasn't be hampered or injured in any way. Without him who knows how bad we would be. Allamunnic States responded a few minutes later with a 37 yard field goal. Another freak weather event happened last night again and again the names of the scorers for Allamunnic States has been lost and corrupted. Very strange. Anyway, Allamunnic States would take the lead early in the second quarter on a 15 yard run and they would hold this lead for exactly 4 minutes and 36 seconds (yes I counted) until Aaron Spady and company would reclaim the lead by way of a 31 yard bullet to Jay Abaroa. Allamunnic States would tack on a short field goal as time expired in the first half to cut the deficit to 1 at halftime. Little did they know that this would be their last score of the night. Torisakia exploded out of halftime within the first 30 seconds when Michael Prickett took a handoff 51 yards to the endzone untouched. This would be the only score for a good while until Matthew Deberry added on a field goal late in the third quarter. This would be the final score of the game as the entire fourth quarter was garbage time and Torisakia won 24-13

GAME SUMMARY OF ALLAMUNNIC STATES VS. TORISAKIA

1st QUARTER
8:12 TOR - 26 yard pass from A. Spady to Q. Loris (DeBerry PAT)
4:45 ALS - 37 yard field goal by [DATA CORRUPTED]
END OF 1ST Allamunnic States: 3 Torisakia: 7

2nd QUARTER
11:09 ALS - 15 yard run by [DATA CORRUPTED] ([DATA CORRUPTED] PAT)
6:33 TOR - 31 yard pass from A. Spady to J. Abaroa (DeBerry PAT)
0:00 ALS - 25 yard field goal by [DATA CORRUPTED]
END OF 2ND Allamunnic States: 13 Torisakia: 14

3rd QUARTER
14:33 TOR - 51 yard run by M. Prickett (DeBerry PAT)
3:58 TOR - 42 yard field goal by M. DeBerry
END OF 3RD Allamunnic States: 13 Torisakia: 24

4th QUARTER
No scoring
END OF 4TH Allamunnic States: 13 Torisakia: 24

Torisakia now moves to 4-0 in the Adama Sowe group and has clinched a top two spot in the group, meaning that they're guaranteed at least a shot at making the playoffs. Ideally they would want to finish first in the group to automatically qualify. To do this, they would have to win their next match against Northwest Kalactin AND have Quebec lose to Allamunnic States or have Quebec beat Allamunnic States and Torisakia beat Quebec on the final matchday. Realistically the second scenario is more likely. Nothing on Allamunnic States but I believe that Quebec will have no trouble against them. Torisakia could still finish first even if they (Kira forbid) lose against Northwest Kalactin by beating Quebec on the final matchday in which they would own the head-to-head with them. If both Torisakia and Quebec win on matchday five and Quebec beats Torisakia on matchday six, then the Ice Birds could still finish first given that the H2H points differential isn't over 4 points. In other words, as long as we don't lose by more than 4 points. But given how their last meeting went, I think Torisakia will be well prepared, especially at home.

But we have to take it one game at a time. Torisakia's next opponent is Northwest Kalactin on the road in the final game of this three game road trip. The Ice Birds defeated Northwest Kalactin on matchday two by an ugly score of 53-37. Northwest Kalactin is sitting at 0-4 in the Adama Sowe group and has been eliminated from playoff contention. So these next two games are basically just practice. Recently, Northwest Kalactin lost to the Royal Kingdom of Quebec 36-17 on the road. They statistically have the worst defense in this phase of World Bowl 37 in terms of points allowed with 164 total points given up in just four games. For reference they only gave up 162 points in six games in phase 1 of the tournament and one of those games was even a win. But as we've seen before it doesn't matter if they have a defense or not if our own defense doesn't show up to play. This recent game has given a lot of confidence to our guys and I have no doubt in my mind that we'll win this game handidly

Welp, that's all I have for today. I'll be back with another edition of Sports with Bort soon to discuss the Torisakia-Northwest Kalactin matchup as well as take a look at other happenings around the tournament in other groups and preview the next matchday. Take care and I'm being investigated by the TBI for apparently making violent threats towards someone over the Internet.

[Free Republics]

Scarlett Nicholls watched the World Bowl game on WOLF as she waited to begin a press conference. The Free Republics and Abanhfleft met at Olympic Stadium in Baseton before clear skies. It had been an exciting shootout. The Republicans had their way with Abanhfleft's undersized lines, dominating in the trenches, but Harrison Aumann just kept getting back up and making plays to convert on 3rd and long. On the other side of the ball, Makharbi Barsukov saw a heavy workload, carrying the ball 37 times and putting up a total of 264 yards rushing including 3 touchdown runs. Dania Sandberg added 108 yards on 8 rushes and had thrown a total of 3 passes on the day, completing 1 pass to Marianna Szep for a 37 yard touchdown.

In the final minute of the 4th quarter, the Free Republics led 37 to 34 but Abanhfleft was moving down the field. While they had started with a first and goal from the 9, sacks on first and second down by Alex Dale and Pasi Pappila had left the Fleftics with a 3rd and goal from the 25 and brought the Republicans to a total of 13 sacks on the day. On this down, Harrison Aumann dropped back and threw a screen in the direction of Virgilio Evans right as Pappila nailed him with a big hit. Charles McAdam jumped in front of the back and grabbed the ball. The Republican middle linebacker scrambled down the field as several Abanhfleft players gave chase. After breaking a Jeremy Lacazette tackle, McAdam was in the clear thanks to a Hanna Ostrowska chop block on Oren Makkabi that the officials somehow missed. McAdam danced in the end zone to thunderous applause from the partisan crowd in Baseton as Takehiko Susui came on to kick the extra point and secure a 44 to 34 victory for the home team.

Earlier in the day, Scarlett Nicholls had spoken with the chair of the board of Barjavel Academy LLC, Lucas Gottlieb. Mr. Gottlieb had informed Scarlett that he was well aware of Sister Polus's actions and that he had been lobbying the Assembly for years, with no success, for assistance getting out of Sister Polus's contract. Scarlett had asked him to come to the Consul's Mansion for a joint press conference and he'd agreed instantly. The local television networks in Republica all agreed to air it after the World Bowl game as did both WOLF News and RSFBC.

Scarlett Nicholls - Hello everybody, tonight I have called all of you here to speak about the situation involving noted public nuisance Maria Polus's employment with Barjavel Academy. As many of you are probably aware, Maria Polus is a nun from the Church of Saintland who was hired at Barjavel Academy on the recommendation of Reino Kulseth. She is famous around the multiverse for her video series "Sister Polus's Thoughts" in which she presents her extremist view of current events and routinely rants against personal freedom, against secularism, against women's rights and against equal rights for the gay and lesbian communities. During the Republica Olympics, she was responsible for instigating over 9000 frivolous police reports alleging things that are not crimes. The Republica Police Department expended numerous resources investigating her frivolous reports, as they are required to do by law, and ultimately dismissed every single one of them. This interfered with their ability to investigate actual reports of crimes including a serial killer who was running rampant in the West Phoenician Olympic Village and the anti-Olympic terrorist from Amuaplye. Since the Olympics, Sister Polus has regularly engaged in extremist political activism and has regularly sent hecklers to disrupt my speeches.

Man with Latin accent - You lie!

Scarlett Nicholls - See what I'm talking about? Does anybody know what media organization he works for?

A security guard whispered something in Scarlett's ear.

Scarlett Nicholls - I've just been informed that this is Paulus Messienus of the Saintland Press. Paulus, let me remind you that the Free Republics is responsible for most of Saintland's foreign trade. If the government of Saintland wishes to become hostile to us, we can always restrict trade with Saintland. Now, apologize to me.

Paulus Messienus - I apologize, your majesty.

Scarlett Nicholls - Very well. That's much better. Now, to address why Barjavel Academy has not fired and will not be firing Sister Polus, I want to bring out Mr. Lucas Gottlieb, who is the chairman of the board for Barjavel Academy LLC.

Mr. Gottlieb walked onto the stage. He was an elderly man in a black suit and black hat.

Lucas Gottlieb - Thank you, Consul Nicholls. I am the chairman of the board for Barjavel Academy. I oversee all of our locations across the Free Republics. A number of years ago, we hired a teacher named Sister Maria Polus under pressure from Consul Kulseth. Consul Kulseth informed me that I could either hire Sister Polus or he would nationalize us and hire her as the headmistress of our Republica location. I gave in as I had no other chocie and, against my better judgment, hired her to teach Latin. Under the terms of her contract, which was written by Consul Kulseth's personal attorney, she cannot be terminated for any reason. Furthermore, she has the right to ignore our school's policies and run her classroom however she wishes and she may add any courses she wishes. In addition, she has right of first refusal to any opening for a head at any of our schools. This is why she was able to add courses on deportment and religious studies and also why she became the headmistress of our Junior Academy in Republica. Fortunately, Mrs. Belen Abeyta, our headmistress at our senior academy in Republica, has been in good health because Sister Polus has never been able to obtain her position. Now you may be wondering why we have a headmistress instead of a principal at our schools. This is because Barjavel Academy is a boarding school for the best and brightest young men and young ladies in our nation. Unfortunately, many of them are subjected to Sister Polus. After Reino Kulseth's fall from power, we sought to get out of her contract but our attorneys informed us that it is an ironclad contract and only an act of the Legislature can permit us to terminate Sister Polus.

Scarlett Nicholls - Mr. Gottlieb, if I may ask, why has it taken you so long to ask for an act of the Legislature?

Lucas Gottlieb - Consul Nicholls, you are mistaken. We have been lobbying the Legislature for over a decade to pass legislation to help us void this contract and to help other schools throughout the Federation void any similar contracts that Consul Kulseth forced upon them. We have been unsuccessful as the Legislature has repeatedly refused to take up the issue on the grounds that doing so would amount to "breaching" a lawful contract.

Scarlett Nicholls - Well, this is most outrageous, Mr. Gottlieb, and I will do everything in my power to secure relief for you.

At that moment, Consul Kyle Bolton stumbled into the press conference drunk. He was not scheduled to be there but seized the microphone anyways.

Kyle Bolton - You know, Scarlett Baby, you probably shouldn't be lobbying for laws to breach contracts. Its very bad for business to establish the principle that a contract may be broken by legislative means.

Scarlett Nicholls - Kyle, what has gotten into you lately? How many times do I have to turn down your sexual advances and why have you taken a sudden interest in your job?

Kyle Bolton - Well, I um.... um... think you should stop insinuating that I don't care about my job. I'm fully dedicated to running the Free Republics in equal partnership with my hot babe of a junior consul.

A visibly drunk Kyle Bolton continued making sexual advances on Scarlett until his wife Lucia Bolton showed up, furious at her husband. Lucia dragged him out of the press conference on live television and the media would spend the next day discussing the status of Kyle Bolton's marriage while completely ignoring the situation at Barjavel Academy...