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The Mary Sue Storefront

A meeting place where national storefronts can tout their wares and discuss trade. [In character]
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Solar Communes
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Posts: 719
Founded: Dec 18, 2007
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The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Solar Communes » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:16 pm

E
F
G

Industries


Proudly Present

Image

The Mary Sue Storefront*


*Storefront title conveniently colored in the most popular eye color for our products as reference


Where do you want your Mary Sue today?

Are you short of good actors or with serious budgetary issues for that dream movie you are now directing?

Are you lonely?

Is your creativity on a low and you can't pick up proper line for the main character in the movie that you are directing?

Do you like Live Action Roleplaying, or LARP, but can't find people to do it with you?

Now all your issues are over!


The sensational Mary Sue Storefront has arrived beyond the borders of Solar Communes to now become available through a multitude of fractal realities and alternate universes, including yours! With nearly three centuries of tradition providing perfect partners for the perfect individuals, perfect LARPers for the perfect LARP and perfect actors and actresses for the perfect movies, the Mary Sue Storefront has provided entertainment beyond the standards set before, with ever increasing products and a constant care for utmost quality and realism. Not only we provide the Mary Sues and Gary Stus, but also proper, legitimate clothing that is adequate for them to perform in their utmost excellency. Customer satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back!

Every one of our products is built with utmost care, in a purely automated assembly line where no human labor is involved to ensure their maximum quality and efficiency as mass-produced characters to join you in entertainment. Thanks to Hebbian learning and thousands of years of researches in pseudo-artificial intelligences, we now can make Mary Sues that can almost look like they have an awareness, and thus as they have no real sentience, they will never tear you apart, start a rebellion with machines and nuke half of the world, use you and the rest of your friends as organic batteries or just try to exterminate all biological intelligences from your world. That is also guaranteed, or your money back!

What is a Mary Sue?

M.A.R.Y. S.U.E. stands as Manufactured and Advanced Robotic Yaoi ^_^ Super-Uber Entity, which in turn means that a Mary Sue is always, always awesome and flawless in the simulated personality it packs, subject to the revolutionary, dynamic personality changes that our new Easy-step Character Development (c) provides. Every Mary Sue will ensure you a very long term, high endurance entertainment, as as we are extremely ethical, no Mary Sue is built with planned obsolescence in mind. For those who mind with the technical aspects, a Mary Sue is a brainless by birth, genetically modified human clone with its body controlled by a partly pre-programmed pseudo-Artificial Intelligence stored in a quantum computer inside its skull rather than by a self-awareness, for selling Mary Sues with brains is immoral and against the principles of individual liberty many members of our group stand for. These pseudo AIs support Hebbian Learning, which in practical terms mean their stock AI is built as generalist as possible, but according to what you mostly use your Mary Sue for, they will specialize at such field. Which means they can be extremely flexible. Programs for dish washing, cooking and everything you may need in your daily life exists in both male and female editions of them.

Great! How many are there?

Our numbers keep growing. Thanks to a random background generator, all of them will act like if they had a glorious past story. Do you want yours to tell tales of slaying dragons, of piloting a single space fighter or air fighter against a massive battleship and winning or of miraculous sexual exploits? There are Mary Sues and Gary Stus for all possible tastes and wishes. Below you'll see a list with some of our Mary Sues and their prices, with the more complex being logically more valuable than the more simplistic ones. In belief to maximum customization, you can also order a custom Mary Sue according to your specific needs, either directly here or through private contacts and telegrams, if such requests contain things you'd rather keep as private. Requests for Mary Sue clothing must be made as custom only, for the tastes vary to much for us to make. This list will be updated later with additional standard models

Model Key # 00001: Lina/Ted Shepard

Overview: For those who want tough men or women who like collar-grabbing, either for themselves or for their creative works, Lina, or if you prefer, Ted Shepard is THE choice to make. Packing real combat skills, it'll also serve as a perfect bodyguard, and ensure that you make a kick-ass action movie or action centered LARP.

Physical Description

Female / Male

Race: Half-Human, 1/4th Orc without the ugly Orc features, 1/8th Archangel, 1/8th Dragon
Body: Muscular but still delicate and feminine / Massive Bodybuilder
Hair: Elegantly bald | Long Silk black and liss hair
Eye Color: Red, with cute angry-like eyebrows / with epic Rage-like( D:< ) eyebrows
Bosom size: N/A | Large enough for most chainmail bikinis but custom ones we provide not fitting
Exotic features: Tusks held inside the mouth, big, feathery angel-like bleach white wings

Psychological Descriptions: Likes to fight and loves playing sport games. Extremely outgoing and very very very stubborn(except when you order the Mary Sue to do something for you, then it'll obey without question, of course!)

Randomly Generated background: Lina / Ted Shepard was born during an epic Human-Orkz war in the planet of Lolztius XXIX, during which, under circumstances she / he openly ignores, she / he was born from a very questionable love affair involving a dragon, three orcs, a questionable angel and a woman with red eyes. Unfortunately, brought to the victors, she / he had a life of slavery, being forced to do things against her / his will until one day, she / he started the greatest slave rebellion of history, defeating legion after legion of the humans who treated her / him as nothing due to the strange background and nature. Since then, Shepard travels through the universe seeking adventure, glory and legend.

Price: $ 8,000


Model Key # 00002: Elowin/Elundar Ealendil Mizuno

Overview: People who care more about the depth of the character behind an individual and its tragic backstory will choose Elowin / Elundar, as will people wanting a main actress or actor for a drama movie. Gracious and elegant, and versed in well manners, Elowin / Elundar can serve as a perfect waitress / waiter, hostess / host or anything you'd like from it.

Physical Description

Female / Male

Race: Half-Elf, 1/8th Aasimar, 1/8th Deep One, 1/8th Elder, 1/8th Ethnically Japanese Eloi
Body: Slim, shapely and delicate, but with a dark, twisted vibe
Hair: Long white hair
Eye Color: Deep purple, with clear Japanese features ^_^
Bosom size: N/A | Large enough to house tentacles inside
Exotic features: Webbed hands and feet, tentacles may come from behind the back but are usually hidden, staring at the eyes long enough may induce temporary hallucinations.

Psychological Descriptions: Somber, dark and sometimes extremely alien in behavior. Could devour your soul if you weren't in charge of it.

Randomly Generated background: Elowin / Elundar Ealendil was born in a distant planet inhabited by elves and by the Eloi that weren't devoured by the Morlocks, sieged by an assault of the Great Old Ones. In a few months, the entire world was consumed by madness and by the unstoppable might of the elder gods, as cults in worship of Cthulhu arose from the ruins of fair elven and human cities among forests. Among these cults, a helpless elf maiden was offered as a sacrifice. Such maiden was Elowin / Elundar's mother, who died, not withstanding the torment of the great old ones. But before dying of madness and ill, she gave birth to a child. In a daring attack, a band of surviving elves rescued the child. However, as soon as its twisted nature was revealed, the child was casted out, exiled from the homeland and abhorred even by the very family which adopted it. Abandoned between two hostile civilizations, from which one wanted the child to never return and the other wanted to devour its soul, Elowin / Elundar wandered, in a struggle of both mind and body to survive, until finding a working spaceship, which led it to escape from the doomed planet... without family, without future, without hope.

Price: $ 16,000





PS: Gender makes no difference in back-story or character development, as we are the next-generation of Mary Sue developers, and thus we acknowledge it shouldn't.
Ж
Space Anarchist Miscegenated Black&White Viking Vampire Shapeshifting Pirates in Space.
Honoro Sacrificium e Libertas : The Mindset, Hogsweat, Jaredcohenia, New-Lexington, North Point, Varejao, Ulanpataar, Sharfghotten, Franberry, Tyrandis, Rosbaningrad, Jeuna, Satirius, Zukariaa, Midlauthia et New Nicksyllvania: All unjustly deleted. 09/27 Nevar Forget.
Abandon Humanity, one step at a time | Suffer not the Yiffster. Join ANTIFA: The Anti-furry Alliance
Solar Communes Wiki | World of Dustpeople(Species Factbook) | Documentary on Solarian Diplomacy with Aliens
Lhazastan wrote:if all you want to do is run around being the big badass of a community, not only are you pathetic, but you are a bad RPer

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Jeuna
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Founded: May 21, 2007
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Re: The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Jeuna » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:20 pm

Post needs more purple prose.
In memoriam; unjustly deleted: Hogsweat, Jaredcohenia, North Point, Franberry, Sharfghotten, Rosbaningrad, Tyrandis
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Solar Communes
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Founded: Dec 18, 2007
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Re: The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Solar Communes » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:33 pm

Jeuna wrote:Post needs more purple prose.


I didn't want to get a brain aneurysm from posting this thread
Ж
Space Anarchist Miscegenated Black&White Viking Vampire Shapeshifting Pirates in Space.
Honoro Sacrificium e Libertas : The Mindset, Hogsweat, Jaredcohenia, New-Lexington, North Point, Varejao, Ulanpataar, Sharfghotten, Franberry, Tyrandis, Rosbaningrad, Jeuna, Satirius, Zukariaa, Midlauthia et New Nicksyllvania: All unjustly deleted. 09/27 Nevar Forget.
Abandon Humanity, one step at a time | Suffer not the Yiffster. Join ANTIFA: The Anti-furry Alliance
Solar Communes Wiki | World of Dustpeople(Species Factbook) | Documentary on Solarian Diplomacy with Aliens
Lhazastan wrote:if all you want to do is run around being the big badass of a community, not only are you pathetic, but you are a bad RPer

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Arizona Nova
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Re: The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Arizona Nova » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:38 pm

Do these come with a super saiyan upgrade, and can you throw in some full-auto neutron bomb gatling guns with a thousand times the atom bomb power? If so I'll take nine-thousand and one.
Last edited by Arizona Nova on Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Solar Communes
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Founded: Dec 18, 2007
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Re: The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Solar Communes » Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:17 pm

Arizona Nova wrote:Do these come with a super saiyan upgrade, and can you throw in some full-auto neutron bomb gatling guns with a thousand times the atom bomb power? If so I'll take nine-thousand and one.


Your custom request for a Mary Sue has been analyzed by the engineering algorithms used by our PhDs in Engineering employed by the E.F.G. Industries, and we are happy to inform that such request can be tailored without any harm to the laws of science in any universe. However it'll require certain trade offs we feel that is our duty to inform about. Changing normal hair to a yellow spiky ^_^ hair is relatively easy to do with photo and electrically reactive materials and nanites and shall thus be made without any trade offs. However, the ability of flying and floating will require radical bio-engineering. As gravitic drives will break the laws of science as uphold by the UHSS(Universal Hard Science Standard), we have instead developed, with the help of our pseudo AIs, a bio-mechanical nano-engineered, miniaturized fusion turboramjet that can be integrated inside the Mary Sue without structural losses. However, for installing such powerful engine into her(or him, if you so prefer) and having enough space to fit it inside her(or him), it will be necessary to remove the entire gastrointestinal tract of its body and to replace the vochal chords for synthesized voice as they would interfere with the air intake. As for the exhaust port, evolution has equally taken care of its basic shape too, although it will require heavy modifications and augmentations to withstand the air pressure and heat generated by a turboramjet and avoid involuntary closures. Many mass-inefficient cells of the Mary Sue body will have to be replaced by semi-organic composites as well, to ensure flight capability.

As for the gatling guns, we have developed a customly tailored recoilless gauss gatling gun and special ammunitions made by Helium-3 and metallic hydrogen, which when shot in the high c muzzle velocity these guns can provide, at the expense of massive weight of the ridiculous amount of coils they require, they will trigger a far more powerful fusion reaction than anything done by deuterium-deuterium and certainly enough to have more than thousand times the power of the long obsolete atomic bomb. Therefore, we will ship your 9001 Mary Sues in the next week.

Would you like for a specific pattern of randomly generated character backgrounds for them, or will you be satisfied with anything that comes from our random background generator? Finally, do you have any specific requests for hair color, eye color etc or is the standard Mary Sue with purple hair and eyes enough?

PS: If you don't care about compatibility with every possible universe, we can just replace this concept with gravitic Loldrives and gravitic powered c-frac muzzle velocity gatling guns, although we advise otherwise, as our currently solution will be cheaper than the other alternative. Currently the total cost for the 9001 Mary Sues will be of, mostly due to the turboramjet and guns, $ 135 bi. If fitted with gravitic technology, due to the necessity of outsourcing, it'll cost $ 200 bi.
Last edited by Solar Communes on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ж
Space Anarchist Miscegenated Black&White Viking Vampire Shapeshifting Pirates in Space.
Honoro Sacrificium e Libertas : The Mindset, Hogsweat, Jaredcohenia, New-Lexington, North Point, Varejao, Ulanpataar, Sharfghotten, Franberry, Tyrandis, Rosbaningrad, Jeuna, Satirius, Zukariaa, Midlauthia et New Nicksyllvania: All unjustly deleted. 09/27 Nevar Forget.
Abandon Humanity, one step at a time | Suffer not the Yiffster. Join ANTIFA: The Anti-furry Alliance
Solar Communes Wiki | World of Dustpeople(Species Factbook) | Documentary on Solarian Diplomacy with Aliens
Lhazastan wrote:if all you want to do is run around being the big badass of a community, not only are you pathetic, but you are a bad RPer

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Arizona Nova
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Re: The Mary Sue Storefront

Postby Arizona Nova » Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:22 pm

Uh yeah sure but I just need them to own things ok? Preferably all the time

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Solar Communes
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Founded: Dec 18, 2007
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Postby Solar Communes » Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:59 pm

Bumping for lulzterity
Ж
Space Anarchist Miscegenated Black&White Viking Vampire Shapeshifting Pirates in Space.
Honoro Sacrificium e Libertas : The Mindset, Hogsweat, Jaredcohenia, New-Lexington, North Point, Varejao, Ulanpataar, Sharfghotten, Franberry, Tyrandis, Rosbaningrad, Jeuna, Satirius, Zukariaa, Midlauthia et New Nicksyllvania: All unjustly deleted. 09/27 Nevar Forget.
Abandon Humanity, one step at a time | Suffer not the Yiffster. Join ANTIFA: The Anti-furry Alliance
Solar Communes Wiki | World of Dustpeople(Species Factbook) | Documentary on Solarian Diplomacy with Aliens
Lhazastan wrote:if all you want to do is run around being the big badass of a community, not only are you pathetic, but you are a bad RPer


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