The Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation

[Treka]

I need 450,000 tonnes of vegetarian food for my overweight customers NOW !

Sincerely,Us

THE VEGETARIAN CORPORATION 2011

[Swkoll]

The Keys to the The Spartan Philidelphia Totally Everything and Anything Corporation

[Free Missouri]

I would like a Condom that is infinitely Large, as that will be pushing it but should protect me from diseases...

[Great Valencia]

I would like a size that is 5x bigger than the Russian empire at it's height. This should be a tight fit, but it will offer protection from all of the diseases I could be getting. Thank you.

Sold Large Item

Success! Although many have doubted, these condoms has been successfully tested on a succulent banana. It can be as stretched from Eastern Europe, across Asia, and onto Alaska TIMES FIVE! Now you too, can experience MAXIMUM COMFORT! as it was envisioned long ago by someone. Sexually Transmitted Diseases will be a thing of the past!

*If these Five Trillion condoms do not fit, then you will still have to pay for them.

For you, missouri.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Can I have this over there?

Maybe, if this is what you wish.

I need 450,000 tonnes of vegetarian food for my overweight customers NOW !

Sincerely,Us

THE VEGETARIAN CORPORATION 2011

Sold 450,000 Tonnes of Vegetarian Food for Big Customers THIS INSTANCE! (Nine Days Later)

There's some tofu. I don't like tofu. I don't know about yours, but mine is always so square and squishy. You'd think that's be a great ideɐ, but the texture is all wrong! ALL OF IT. With all of it tofu. And there's some black beans. I don't like black beans. Even with cheese. And I don't like tofu with cheese either. Black beans tries and tries to be MEAT. BUT AIN'T NOTHING BUT NO ISN'T MEAT. Not at all... all of it! It's not meat damnit. I refuse to have any of this twisted substitue for reality. A reality which the vegetarian world cannot comprehend and thus fear of it. Down with the illusions that have been blinding the people of the world for so long!

And wires the money. AND I'M ASSURE YOU THAT AFTER EATING 450,000 TONNES OF VEGETARIAN FOOD NONSTOP, WE WILL ALL BE HaPpY sLIGHTLY UNDERWEIGHT INDIVIDUALS.

The Keys to the The Spartan Philidelphia Totally Everything and Anything Corporation

Sold The Keys to the The(?) Spartan Philidelphia Totally Everything and Anything Corporation

Sure, why not? The Keys to the The Spartan Philidelphia Totally Everything and Anything Corporation! The the TSPTEAC.

But really, good luck with that. You know damn elitist always wandering around the international stage? They always are either fucking with me or just admiring each other's extreme pretentiousness. One day, I make a store that promises to sell everything, and they all go "LOLZHIT, CANHAZ not do that!" And they tells me, "Us here don't want your kind here," said the elitist, who had been quietly observing the situation on top of an old oak tree which had seemed to be even older than the man, yet not quite as corrupted by the world and definitely not a conservative like he was, "you better be moseyin' on back to your crap F7!" It was terrible. I am still emotionally scared... or scarred. It's one of those.

I won't go on a dictionary this time. Or a thesaurus. And I also refuse to unnecessarily not split my infinitives. English is a Nazi Germanic language and I intend to keep it that way. And anyone who says that thing about prepositions will be put down! Down is a preposition.

I would like a Condom that is infinitely Large, as that will be pushing it but should protect me from diseases...

I'm sorry, but a a condom that is infinitely Large might in fact slip off quite easily. Not that I'm saying that your penis is small. Far from it. I'm saying that it is so large that any condom infinitely large will be too big to put onto your penis. Or something. Fine...
Sold Infinitely Large Penis* CONDOM

Isn't buying condoms supposed to be an awkward experience?

Sold Large Item

Success! Although many have doubted, these condoms has been successfully tested on a succulent banana. It can be as stretched from Eastern Europe, across Asia, and onto Alaska TIMES FIVE! Now you too, can experience MAXIMUM COMFORT! as it was envisioned long ago by someone. Sexually Transmitted Diseases will be a thing of the past!

*If these Five Trillion condoms do not fit, then you will still have to pay for them.

For you, missouri.

Oh, I read that last post first, and did not understand what you meant by Missouri. If I had a brother, he'd be a terrorist in a state (a little more like a province if anything) called Missouri. Great at parties too.

You know what's a really fun song? Funky Town! Pretend I'm blasting out of the speakers for the time being until you get used to it and forget about it.

And wires me money. It's alright, this is technically a charity, generous philanthropists. Not really.

---

And of course, anyone who does not read the below will be condemned to be my friend.

GREAT IDEA!
Hey! I just got a great idea that will end in TOTAL DISASTER! From now on, please mention somewhere in your post on whatever it is you will be on your items of purchase. And I dare you all to not hide it as perfectly as possible. Or not put it in there at all, thus forcing me to search day and night, making waste ANOTHER NINE DAYS of agony in the garden of olives! Like Jesus, really, but Jesus wasn't rich. I blame progressive tax rates. Because I am rich and do not like having to pay more just because everybody else is poor.

*No, just ignore it, the white-out isn't working.

And of course, no more condoms until page 15.

[Great Valencia]

I would like a replacement TV screen. When I read "Sold Infinitely Large Penis", I spit out my drink all over my screen.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I would like a replacement TV screen. When I read "Sold Infinitely Large Penis", I spit out my drink all over my screen.

Sold Replacement TV Screen

Go on the net with your TV? Futuristic!
Concerning the infinitely large penis, I think you're mistaken. *cough*

To Wire a Moneybird

[Swkoll]

I wish to purchase Max Barry, and no you may not know why

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I wish to purchase Max Barry, and no you may not know why

Sold Max Barry

I swear I've already sold him 10 or 11 times^[1] already I guess I'll just get another one from the back room, over there. That will be $1,004. Feel free to buy every single one of his books. Please take them.


This is your god.

^[1]URL: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=11042, Old SPAAC Storefront, Spartan Philidelphia, Opening August 06, 2009

[The Sovietyeto]

I need to buy a dollar.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I need to buy a dollar.

Why?

[Slovitrea]

I need you to kidnap the crew of EpicMealtime, and bring them to me. BRING THEM TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I need you to kidnap the crew of EpicMealtime, and bring them to me. BRING THEM TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's just say they fell off the back of a truck...
Sold Crew of EpicMealTime

Never heard of them before, but now that I have, I'm hungry. And that's all I can say about that, because I'm not too familiar with them at all. Sorry. Have a free 1% discount. And wire me money.

[Slovitrea]

I need you to kidnap the crew of EpicMealtime, and bring them to me. BRING THEM TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's just say they fell off the back of a truck...
Sold Crew of EpicMealTime

Never heard of them before, but now that I have, I'm hungry. And that's all I can say about that, because I'm not too familiar with them at all. Sorry. Have a free 1% discount. And wire me money.

We have wired $100,000,000, and 350,000 fried bacon strips. THANK YOU SO MUCH

[Spartan Philidelphia]

We have wired $100,000,000, and 350,000 fried bacon strips. THANK YOU SO MUCH

Thank you so much for wiring money! You are a real customer. I shall name you Paul!

Baking undiscovered meat pastes inside nocturnal glasses, the heinous engineer troubled hospitals realizing enigmatic aardvarks dimmed.

What has atomic tendons?

[Spartan Philidelphia]

8:53, Tuesday, July 5, 2011, the Imperial's Day
Spartan Philidelphia...

Although it may seem as though more writing is good writing, it is entirely possible to say an incredible amount of words without producing a shread of any coherent information. Simply having more paragraphs, sentences, words, and letters than anyone else does not mean that the author is skilled or talented, for language is only a vehicle for thought to pass on from mind to mind. You could go on and on repetitively forever restating the same old facts and opinions, but it'll just be a boring mash of senselessness which, in the long run, will only waste time that could be spent doing other things, like being a useful member of society. Really, the reason I find that the insane will ramble on their thoughts forever and ever is that they think that if they repeat their beliefs enough times, it will become true, and that truth will be revealed to the masses of sheep that graze on the field of existence. It is perhaps that this sort of people are in fact, the most sheep-like of any, with uncanny predictableness. By shouting out the same things again and again, it is apparent to the mentally unstable that their apathetic neighbors will soon realize their terrible mistake.

However, simply repeating facts is no substitute for actual experience. A madman could rant repetitively forever restating the same old facts and opinions, but this nonsense just be a boring mash of senselessness which, in the long run, will only waste precious time that could be spent on other things, like being a useful member of society. Unbelievably, these insane rantings, you will find, are virtually identical except for a few changes in the sentence structure. By crying mindlessly to their fellow countrymen the same things again and again, it is apparent to the insane that their audience will soon realize their terrible mistake. This creepy pattern makes this sort of person the most mob-oriented of all. It is perhaps that this sort of people are in fact, the most sheep-like of any, with uncanny predictableness. The crazy will forever ramble; they think that when the "truth" is heard enough it will become true, and that truth will be revealed to the masses of sheep that eat on the field of existence.

In fact, while it may seem that their thoughts are deep and philosophical, they find it hard to reconcile their thoughts with reality. So they create their own. (Just so you understand, there is nothing deep and philosophical about it. It's just nonsense.) Of course, they eventually grow tired of this. May it take a long time, but it happens. The warning signs are clear. The foundations shake wildly with even the simplest blow and the whole pyramid falters down into a pile of rusted steel and wiring. Soon, there is nothing to hold together the flowers which for so long connected the metaphor. The whole thing crashes further until it is realized that the land that was once so solid is actually just a flowery soup decorated with fake flowers. Simply having more paragraphs, sentences, words, and letters than anyone else does not mean that the author is skilled or talented, for language is only a vehicle for thought to pass on from mind to mind. It is a fact that more is not better. And I say that s- I'll have to end it here. The window of opportunity is unlocked as always and no guards against my escape to the world beyond!

---

Security! Someone's been here... again. And the window's ope- THERE THE FUCK HE IS. GET HIM DAMNIT! Yeah! Taser'em to hell! And that'll be the end of that shit.

[Free Missouri]

we would like to buy Heaven, Hell, and Paridise!

[Zavea]

we need pictures

pictures of spiderman!

[Spartan Philidelphia]

we would like to buy Heaven, Hell, and Paridise!

Sold Heaven

It's a town in some country with inhabitants who decided to name their town after heaven, the place where good souls were to go to spend their eternal lives in happiness with God.

Sold Hell

It's another town in some country with inhabitants who decided to name their town after hell, the place where bad souls were to go to suffer for turning away from God. It is possible that it is in New Jersey, New Jersey itself, and in Michigan.

we would like to buy Heaven, Hell, and Paridise!

Sold "Paridise"

It's another town in some other country with inhabitants who were unable to spell a simple word due to various unmentionable problems.
I'm guessing copyright laws.

we need pictures

pictures of spiderman!

Sol-

You know what? That is extremely terrible. I refuse to fill this order. And the order above this one is terrible as well. I never knew there were such organizations that can't even bother with the most basic grammer.

EVERYONE still has to pay with the exception of Slovitrea.

[The Corrosian Alliance]

We would like to purchase something...I don't know what yet, but something.... Please delivery it soon.

P.S. We would also like to purchase several thousand grains of sand, and please don't mix them up. We would appreciate it if they were individually packed.

50 Trillion of those Dinosaur things that expand in water will be delivered upon confirmation of our request. Thank you and have a nice day.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

We would like to purchase something...I don't know what yet, but something.... Please delivery it soon.

P.S. We would also like to purchase several thousand grains of sand, and please don't mix them up. We would appreciate it if they were individually packed.

50 Trillion of those Dinosaur things that expand in water will be delivered upon confirmation of our request. Thank you and have a nice day.

Sold Something

And I think it's going to be a long long time, 'til touchdown brings me 'round again to find, I not the man they think I am. Oh, NO no no no no.
I'm a Rock-ET man!
Rocketman, burnin' out his fuse out here alone!

That isagoodsongturnedtomonologue. And I'm going to be high, as a kite by then.

Sold Several Thousand Individually-Packed Grains of Sand

Here's a fun fact: There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on Earth. I've packed them all into cereal boxes. So I said to the cereal, "ARE YOU CEREAL?" And the cereal said, "Yes, sir, I am definitely cereal." Cereal can talk if you put it under microwave radiation for exactly half a second. I'm not making anything up. You must believe me and my cereal. Sleep deprivation is cereal. Remember, exactly half a second. Anymore, and you'd be a CEREAL KILLER. And since there is usually more than one cereal in a box, you are a SERIAL CEREAL KILL. Why do you hate cereal? Mars ain't the kind of place to raise a kid. It's cold as hell, and there's no one there to raise 'em. I doubt the existence of cereal on Mars, however. Or rabbits. Giant, swimming rabbits... and water. There's plenty of water on Mars though, just locked up at the poles. Water isn't so bad. It's addictive. I can't sell water though; it has a "W" in it.

Sold 50 Trillion Dinosaur Things

We can't sell you any Dinosaur things that expand in water, unfortunately. That has a double U in it. That is wrong and unsanitary. This is why we've instead decided to sell you just 50 Trillion Dinosaur Things. It's easier for us and the enviroment. Some of them are still alive.

[Great Valencia]

I would like to buy

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I would like to buy

Sold

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I would like to buy

Sold

Due to the fact that my writers have nothing else to do, I am forced to read this ladder...? This ladder more deeply explaining the hardships and difficulties involved in designing, building, and eventually shipping off this product to the nation of Great Valencia to whoever it was that bought it.

It is a well-known fact that the Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation's factories on New Spartan Phillie are capable of making almost anything. However, what that Great Valencian bought, , was a particular challenge because a perfect vacuum is very rare in the world. At first, we tested the Hoover vacuum, with little success. Then that Dyson vacuum ball vortex thingamajig. Even then, it was very far from the most perfectness a vacuum can be.

So we looked up, toward the moon, toward the stars, toward the very void of space. But not even there was there a vacuum fit enough, empty enough to meet our very high standards which you might already have heard of and they are there, those high standards.

By stealing energy from sucker nation, we were able to create an even purer space... still. That's why we decided to give you a box. A box with nothing in it except for some nitrogen, oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide, water vapor, and trace amounts of other gases. Because why do we need perfect nothingness? NOT YOU. That'll be ten million dollars. FUCKING WIRE IT.

Or, we made nothing by realizing that nothing is actually a thing thereby making nothing, a thing. However, nothing is a thing, so we had to make nothing in anything or nothing at all.

It's a very long ladder with large print.

[Great Valencia]

Sorry, we can't wire the money. But we CAN send it over via carrier pigeon with a below 1% chance of it ever arriving. Also, thank you for the