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YAG Technologies International [NOW OPEN!]

A meeting place where national storefronts can tout their wares and discuss trade. [In character]
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Ionicus
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Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

YAG Technologies International [NOW OPEN!]

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:59 am

OOC NOTICE: Despite being run by Ionicus, YAG Technologies is headquartered in the Blackhelm Confederacy

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Introduction
Founded in 1976 to provide business computing devices in a rapidly changing world, YAG Technologies International quickly became a staple supplier of electronic
systems for business all around the world. YAG Technologies International's primary market is with business and governmental institutions. We are famous for our
"everything you need and nothing you don't" design philosophy, ensuring maximum productivity in the work place. Indeed, it is the personal philosophy of our founder and CEO, Paul Allen, that many computer systems contain "unnecessary features, bright colorful graphics intended to distract the user away from what's really important - real actual socialization with real actual human beings who aren't damn machines".

Low Cost Guaruntee
YAG Technologies International takes a unique approach to keeping prices well below that of our competitors, while also delivering the same quality as other electronics system providers. Our revolutionary operating system, GOD OS™, has not been changed since 2001 - saving millions in expensive development costs. GOD OS was created to be timeless. In a marketplace full of ever changing and increasingly hard to use operating systems, GOD OS™ stands still - unchanging and eternal. Our expansive manufacturing base is established exclusively in economically deficient nations, thus allowing us to slash manufacturing costs while also providing jobs to the many needy peoples of the world.

Greentronics™ Recycling Initiative
YAG Technologies is committed to preserving the environment. The Greentronic™ Recycling Initiative, originally conceived by our CEO, Paul Allen, features three key aspects of reducing, reusing, and recycling. In the first step, to reduce the amount of waste generated, we forced our engineers to create our systems using thinner sheets of plastic for constructing our computers than they had initially suggested. Not only does this keep prices low, it also reduces the amount of hazardous and toxic petrochemicals used to create the plastic for our computer systems. In the next step, reuse, YAG Technologies International was proud to create our Greentronic™ Collection Program. For a small fee, YAG Technologies International will collect used or unwanted computer systems and place them in one of our Greentronics™ Green Redistribution Centers. Our Greentronics™ Green Redistribution Centers are located in economically deficient areas of the world. Each center comprises of a large dirt pit where old electronic systems are dumped - citizens living near the center are free to take as many computer systems as they like, to re-purpose however they wish! Lastly, in the recycling step, YAG International Technologies is committed to recycling all waste created by our factories. At the end of each month, all waste produced is collected and loaded onto a ship where it will be dumped into the ocean to create artificial reefs. Our waste is recycled as an environmentally friendly habitat for all creatures of the oceans!
Last edited by Ionicus on Tue Feb 04, 2020 10:37 am, edited 5 times in total.
Quality > Quantity
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Ionicus
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Business Solutions Catalog

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:01 am

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Last edited by Ionicus on Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:44 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Ionicus
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Personal Computers Catalog

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:02 am

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Last edited by Ionicus on Tue Nov 26, 2019 11:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Quality > Quantity
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Ionicus
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Ordering Information

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:03 am

To place an order simply fill out the required information below!
Each order comes with a $19.99 shipping and handling fee per item!

Code: Select all
[b]Your name:[/b]
[b]Organization:[/b]
[b]Shipping Address:[/b]

[b]Your Order[/b]
[*] QUANTITY ||| PRODUCT
[*] QUANTITY ||| PRODUCT

[b](Optional) How did you hear about us?[/b]
[b](Optional) Race / Income / Gender of end user? [/b]
Last edited by Ionicus on Sat Aug 04, 2018 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Quality > Quantity
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Ionicus
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Reserved Post

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:04 am

This post reserved for future expansion
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Ionicus
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Reserved Post

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:04 am

This post reserved for future expansion
Quality > Quantity
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Ionicus
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Coming Soon: Colonel Coffee 2.0

Postby Ionicus » Sun Jul 07, 2019 5:41 pm

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Storefront Announcement: Colonel Coffee 2.0 Coming Soon

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Coffee Drinkers of the World,

Tired of getting out of your chair to brew more coffee? Wish your coffee could have a little more kick to it? Well, the answer to your problems is coming soon... Colonel Coffee 2.0

Much like our world famous™ Colonel™ Coffee™ Original™, Colonel Coffee 2.0 gives you the power to remotely brew coffee from your YAG-compatible workstation running Coffee Commander. Colonel Coffee 2.0 is also fully compatible with our AMP BLASTER modules that will BLAST™ methamphetamine right into your coffee.

In addition to having the same beloved features as Colonel Coffee Original, Colonel Coffee 2.0 greatly expands on the platform. New features include:

  • Full support of CC2Sentience.yagexe, YAGTech's highly anticpated (and 100% self aware) artificial intelligence system for coffee machines
  • Illuminated water level meter
  • Dual LCD screens giving you full self-diagnostic reports and the latest news from reelblakkoffeedrinkersonly.yag
  • High performance thermionic valve controlled electrocatalytic reactant denumeration landular fluid capturing device (auto-triggered by photosenstive anti-harmonic transistor)
  • Upgraded military specification compliance, Colonel Coffee 2.0 is fully resistant to EMPs and undetectable by RADAR systems

I know you will enjoy your Colonel Coffee 2.0 as much as I am enjoying mine.

Sincerely,
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[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International
Quality > Quantity
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Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

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Peoples Republic of Joyea
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Posts: 528
Founded: May 04, 2018
Corporate Police State

Postby Peoples Republic of Joyea » Tue Jul 09, 2019 3:21 pm

Your name: QwErTy
Organization: The Soul Crushing Office INC.
Shipping Address: 800 communism street

Your Order
[*] QUANTITY |1|TM mk 4| PRODUCT
[*] QUANTITY |1,000,000|thinkbox 800| PRODUCT
[*] QUANTITY |1,000,000|BAP software kit | PRODUCT
[*] QUANTITY |1,000,000|colonel coffee| PRODUCT

(Optional) How did you hear about us?
(Optional) Race / Income / Gender of end user?
Last edited by Peoples Republic of Joyea on Wed Jul 10, 2019 6:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Joyean Military Industries (Defense Company):
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=485669
Joyeah City International Airport:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=471451
Air Joyea
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=472304

Proud police supporter
Incumbent General Secretary: Joyeah Andreyev
Incumbent Party Chairman: John Goodchild

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Nildwalden
Spokesperson
 
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Founded: Aug 13, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nildwalden » Tue Jul 09, 2019 4:15 pm

Your name: Alexander Andersen
Organization: Zell am See
Shipping Address: Bahnhofstrasse 33 - 1211 Saint Moritz 42.

Your Order
[*] QUANTITY |1|BDSM| PRODUCT
[*] QUANTITY ||| PRODUCT

(Optional) How did you hear about us? A client recommendation while talking about the best way of laundering money in our bank.
(Optional) Race / Income / Gender of end user? Very white / A lot / Male


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To the Authorities of YAG Technologies International
9 July


Greetings,

My name is Alexander Andersen, I am the director of the Office of Public Relations of Zell am See. We are a leading private bank that works with a small but exclusive network of clients around Astyria and from our three major offices in Cologne, Saint Moritz and Princetown. Our ideals and values are based in a strong and stable heritage built during our 82 years of work by transforming and adapting the best of the past to the best of the future, that is what make us a unique choice among other private banks.

With HFF 496 million in assets under management and a very selective group of clients spread around Astyria, we are always looking for new technologies to give the best for our clients. We know YAG Technologies is certainly not the best but the products offered and recommendations from close clients were enough to buy a BDSM to be tested in our office of Princetown.

We hope our institution and YAG can continue working together.

Yours most sincerely,

Alexander Andersen
Office of Public Relations
Zell am See
Last edited by Nildwalden on Tue Jul 09, 2019 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
T H E.....G R A N D.....D U C H Y.....O F.....N I D W A L D E N

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Columbian Union
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Posts: 26
Founded: Apr 19, 2019
Corporate Bordello

Postby Columbian Union » Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:38 am

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Your name: Sanne Sørensen
Organization: Sun Country Airlines
Shipping Address: 1300 Företagscenter Enhet, Eagan, Minnesota MN-0121

Your Order
[*] 1 ||| TM Mark V Mainframe
[*] 60 ||| ThinkBox 800
[*] 60 ||| B.A.P Software Kit
[*] 4 ||| Colonel Coffee Machine

(Optional) How did you hear about us?
(Optional) Race / Income / Gender of end user?
Last edited by Columbian Union on Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
One of the many nations of New Transeurasia.

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Ionicus
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Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ionicus » Sat Jul 13, 2019 5:30 pm

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


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TO: The Most Highly Esteemed QwErTy
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: The Soul Crushing Office INC. Order

Mr. QwErTy,

Wow™! That's a big order! But as always, we are happy to fulfill it! As such, your order (attached below) has been approved. You can expect your products at <<800 communism street>> just as fast as our YAGQualified™ assemblers can put it together. Based on the quantity you can expect your products within <<4.217821781 years>>.

Wishing you all the best!
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[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

NOTICE: Downloading attachments from the provider YAGternet incur a fee of 5.00 USD per 256kb downloaded
ORDER FOR Soul Crushing Office Inc.
[list]
[*] 1x Special Pricing Offer Discount Code: BULK ORDER
[*] |1|TM mk 4| $14,999
[*] |1,000,000|Thinkbox 800| $100,000,000
[*] |1,000,000|B.A.P. software kit | $35,000,000
[*] |1,000,000|Colonel Coffee Original| $28,000,000
===================================================
ORDER TOTAL: $163,014,999

Please make payment via Eastern Union Money Order
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

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Yohannes
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Ex-Nation

Re: YAG Technologies International

Postby Yohannes » Wed Jul 17, 2019 1:23 pm



[ Out-of-character information, hello! Thank you for taking the time to write your in-character post in the Bank of Yohannes thread. Reposted from “The Bank of Yohannes” to return the favour Image ]

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By: Hannah Kühn
16 Jul, 2019 6:30 pm EYT

Per cent change of settlement cash in the last 24 hours
Yohannesian Quertz russling ▲0.01073% I NationStates/Universal Standard Dollar ▼0.00409%

The Bank of Yohannes’ board of directors has agreed to hold discussions with Ionician IT services and software provider YAG Technologies International about a potential supply agreement, as the Nineteen Countries’ oldest bank looks for possible new suppliers and technology solution providers after enjoying sustained overseas branch network and share-price growth in 2018, people close to the bank confirmed.

The early negotiation shows the strong willingness of the Bank of Yohannes’ strategic decision-makers to keep up with the company’s growth outside Yohannes, and executives this week believe that YAG Technologies could be one of the bank’s most reliable logistics providers and suppliers in 2020, the Association of Yohannesian Banks learned. “In 2018 alone the Bank of Yohannes had expanded in at least 50 countries,” said Jörg Kaiser, the chief executive of longtime IT provider Royal Alexandria Products in Data Processing Corporation, which until last year was the only Yohannesian company in the bank’s list of five biggest suppliers. Now it ranks ninth. “There’s no way the bank’s current suppliers in Yohannes could keep up with that kind of growth,” Mr Kaiser said, shaking his head and sighing sadly.

Heightened pressure on the banks from Yohannesian government officials to upgrade decades-old IT systems—and for the bank to explore how it could improve its underperforming procurement systems and outdated architectures—also factored into recent discussions, as the Financial Diary noted recently on the Association of Yohannesian Banks’ Q3 Banking Technology Procurement livestream.

But that is due to change soon.

Two important reasons are forcing this shake-up: the dramatic growth of cybersecurity threats that financial institutions must address; and the rise of digital banking in countries where the bank operates in.

The Bank of Yohannes, active in over 300 countries and World Assembly member states, relies on many foreign IT and software firms so that it can manage cash, finance trade, and fund its branch operations and investment projects outside the Nineteen Countries. The agreement by the Bank of Yohannes’ board of directors to kick-start discussions was earlier reported by The Royal Alexandria Times. A Beltway insider close to the board said the discussion with YAG Technologies is set to be concluded by the end of the September quarter.

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The board of directors is accountable to the bank’s shareholders, who vote for the members of the board. The board of directors is also required under the Bank of Yohannes Reunification Act 1990 to provide an annual accountability document to the Nineteen Countries Government no later than a quarter after the end of every financial year. Although formally the Bank of Yohannes is not registered as a national banking institution because of its modern-day private and multinational attributes, it may very well be considered as one because of the very important national role it has played for the Yohannesian economy since 1990.

“The board chooses, supervises and dismisses senior executives, such as the chief executive, and is indirectly involved in important decision-making process,” said Anette König, a former board member who is also a bank lobbyist. “For instance, a foreign supplier agreement or IT procurement process that would help the bank’s financial operations in many countries outside Yohannes.”

The Bank of Yohannes’ chief executive, Dame Julianna Stefansson, has told major investors and long-standing partners of the bank that multinational supplier agreements are “technically” the responsibility of the chairman. But the “hands-off” group chairman has instead chosen to delegate his authority to the board since 2017. “Sir Matthew Gilligan was widely blamed for the bank’s failures during the bank’s lowest point in its long history, and the three years of decline following the World Assembly Condemnation of Automagfreek financial crisis in 2012,” said Ms König.

The Ministry of Economy, Industry and Trade is willing to give the green light to a multinational supplier and IT procurement agreement between the Bank of Yohannes and YAG Technologies International, while the bank’s Overseas Investment Office answers questions from its foreign investors and high-net-worth clients about YAG Technologies International’s industry reputation and reliability, the Association of Yohannesian Banks learned this morning.

According to the Ionician company’s website, YAG Technologies was founded in 1976 to provide business computing devices in a rapidly changing world, and it quickly became a staple supplier of electronic systems for firms “all around the world.” Headquartered in Astyria, YAG Technologies deals primarily with multinational corporations and government institutions.

“Anybody working in banking and finance and having to deal with software has got to be able to use the latest technology properly,” said Dame Eleanor White, Chairperson of the Group Audit Committee. “They’ve got to be able to prevent the disclosure of personal information, and other types of misuse of information that will invade the privacy of our high-net-worth clients and business partners.”

Senior bank officers close to Dame Eleanor said government officials under the GOP-controlled Parliament in Royal Alexandria believed multinational companies like YAG Technologies have the wherewithal to provide technological solutions to address current and emerging World Assembly banking regulations and national security compliance requirements outside Yohannes.

The Bank of Yohannes is in talks to sign up a number of overseas information technology companies to its International Suppliers Network in the second half of 2019, and plans to have agreements with several major lead logistics providers done by the next financial year.

Bank of Yohannes shares have closed 1.7 per cent lower tonight at $11.80 on the Royal Alexandria Stock Exchange (RASE), as skeptical investors absorb the company’s latest update.

hannah.kühn@ryb.yo Association of Yohannesian Banks


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118 Comments

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Yohannes_First

First we haev Khataiy building Mosques in the Kingdom of Alexandria and Khataiyi Muftis marrying Yohannesian women now we have more agreements with foreign companies coming from a region called Astyria? Sounds Asiatic to me, must eb from the Orient. Disgusting.

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    Feud For Thought

    “building Mosques in the Kingdom of Alexandria … Khataiyi Muftis marrying Yohannesian women” You should go to America—Donald Trump wants you!

    Share ▲107 I ▼29

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    iPost

    Arguably he could also go the Kingdom of Burmecia …………… much cheaper flight and closer to Alexandria … Don’t like the way things are? Then vote for the Opposition. Stop complaining.

    Share ▲72 I ▼25
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Aweebitsick

I haev to work for my money eighthours fivedays a week and we got wanka like Bank of Yohannes Sir Matthew makin $250 per hour not fair I say lock em all up!

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Blimey Weasley

Jesus Christ this comments section

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Ionicus
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ionicus » Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:52 am

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


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TO: Alexander Andersen, Public Relations of Zell am See
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: Zell am See Order

Alexander Andersen,

As the CEO of YAG Tech, I can personally assure you our products are the absolute best, better than anything made in those other countries. Our Banking Data Secure Management software will provide the absolute best service and security to your valuable clients. I have assembled an order that should meet your needs below. As you are an early adopter of this software, we would like to provide a banner for your website to show your customer's how safe and secure your bank is:

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Sincerely,
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[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

NOTICE: Downloading attachments from the provider YAGternet incur a fee of 5.00 USD per 256kb downloaded
ORDER FOR Soul Crushing Office Inc.
[list]
[*] 1x Special Pricing Offer Discount Code: ASTYBOIIII
[*] |2|TM Mark IV Mainframe| $34,000
[*] |20|CA$H THINK 2500 Terminal| $80,000
[*] |1 YEAR|B.A.P. software kit | $80,000
[*] |4|Colonel Coffee 2.0| $50,000
===================================================
ORDER TOTAL: $244,000

Please make payment via Eastern Union Money Order
Last edited by Ionicus on Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
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Nikolia
Diplomat
 
Posts: 897
Founded: Feb 23, 2013
New York Times Democracy

Postby Nikolia » Wed Oct 30, 2019 3:08 pm

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To Mr Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

Greetings,
Ister kolor is Nikolian largest manufacturer of paints, colouring equipment and other materials and is in market in several other Astyrian countries as well. Our products are always marked with excellent grades by our esteemed customers, which is achieved by the highest manufacturing standards in our production facilities. We are constantly upgrading and researching new technologies, materials and techniques to set new standards in painting industry with the help of our Research and Development laboratory.

Our colleagues from the Research and Development department have been recently performing tests using one of your products, namely the Gamer Girl Fluids, which achieved phenomenal results in combination with other materials we use in the manufacturing process.

Thanks to the excellent behaviour of your product in the testing phase, we are happy to announce a new product, a specialised, highly durable paint used for the most challenging environments of high pressure, acidity and radioactivity. This could not be possible without the Gamer Girl Fluids, therefore we request the following agreement to be set:

We request 77,000 litres of Gamer Girl Fluids per month delivered in continuum to our main production facility in Ister, Nikolia.
You can find full details of our request in the attachment to this letter.

Hoping for a long and prosperious cooperation,

Yours sincerely,
Tatjana Karanović
Procurement Director, Ister kolor a.d.

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Your name: Tatjana Karanović
Organization: ister kolor a.d.
Shipping Address: Janka Mitrovića 52, 12-KA-23001, Ister, Kalarija, Nikolia

Your Order
[*] 77,000 litres per month ||| Gamer Girl Fluids

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Ionicus
Diplomat
 
Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ionicus » Tue Nov 05, 2019 4:50 am

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


Image


TO: Tatjana Karanović
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: Ister Kolor Order

Tatjana Karanović,

Wowzers that’s a lot of fluid!™ In order to produce so much of YAG Tech’s premium hydrational supplement and vitality booster, we’re going to need a lot more gamer girls! But don’t worry about our expansion causing prices to go up, because we’ll just pirate more PS2 games for them to play instead of paying the massively overinflated prices for used PS2 discs from GameShop.

As CEO of YAG Tech, I can assure your satisfaction will be guaranteed*.

* - returns not accepted

Wishing you all the best!
Image

[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

SENT FROM MY PROTOTYPE yPAD

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MAIL PRO FOR yOS

THANKS FOR CHOOSING YAG TECH FOR YOUR YAG NEEDS™

NOTICE: Downloading attachments from the provider YAGternet incur a fee of 5.00 USD per 256kb downloaded
ORDER FOR Soul Crushing Office Inc.
[list]
[*] Discount Code: TEST0PERCENTOFF
[*] |370|Gamer Girl Fluids, 55 gallons| $184,630
===================================================
ORDER TOTAL: $184,630 / month

Please make payment via Eastern Union Money Order
Last edited by Ionicus on Tue Nov 05, 2019 4:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

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Servilis
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 419
Founded: May 07, 2017
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Servilis » Tue Nov 05, 2019 5:00 am

TO: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
FROM: Yeoss Myrza Chrysalis, SERVILIS LEADER
SUBJECT: Cease and Desist

Paul Allen,

The Servilisian Envoy Board (SEB) would like to notify you that if any of your shipments are seen coming through Servilisian waters, they will be pillaged and raided.
Reasoning : Your company practices Capitalism.

-Yeoss Myrza Chrysalis

SENT FROM GOVERN_BOARD.exe

GOVERN_BOARD.exe is a classified file for governments to communicate, no download attached.
she/her - they know me as yeoss

The Yeossist Manifesto

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Ionicus
Diplomat
 
Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ionicus » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:27 am

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


Image


TO: Yeoss Myrza Chrysalis
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: Cease and Desist

Yeoss Chrysalis,

Typically, messages with the subject “Cease and Desist” are printed, shredded, and then incinerated in my YAGTech MegaDestructor 9000 (also used by famous New York financier Jeffery Epstein). However, after one of our super tankers, the Exxon Valdez II, was sunk and released 32,000,000 gallons of highly irradiated Gamer Girl Fluids ™ into the territorial waters of some nation I’d never heard of called “Servilis”, I demanded a printout of all correspondence between this nation and YAG Tech.

After my 12:00 PM lunch meeting with the CEO of Racism Inc. at Dorsia’s, I called my top staff members (6 interns, being paid in YAGsperience™ and YAGCoin™), to discuss a possible resolution to this issue. Here is our proposed solution to this issue:

1.) All YAGTech vessels will now be outfitted with a 4x 50 megaton nuclear warheads fitted once the vessel enters international waters and removed right before entering their destination port. The warheads are able to be activated by a remote detonation switch connected to a red button on my office desk. Any provocations to these vessels will result in their detonation causing major ecological and health risks to your nation.

2.) All YAGTech vessels will now switch to using leaded bunker fuel within the territorial waters of your nation. Leaded bunker fuel is perhaps the most polluting petroleum based fuel known to man.

3.) Our ships will be outfitted with a nuclear powered (YAGReax 20MW) radio transmission device (YAGTube) that will overpower all radio and television signals in your nation. On radio frequencies, we will be broadcasting the reading of The Law by Frederic Bastiat read by famous American celebrity Snoop Dogg. Television frequencies will be jammed by a looped broadcast of me, Paul Allen and CEO of YAGTech, snorting cocaine from a solid gold platter inside my Lamborghini Countouch on a yacht which is floating in the rear pool of a much larger yacht* while YAGrosoft Tim says “CAPITALISM IS GOOD” over and over again.

*-some special effects may be used to make this a possibility


If such hostilities cease, we are willing to stop using bunker fuel in our vessels and shut down the mobile broadcasting stations. However, we will not remove the nuclear warheads from our ships in the event of a surprise attack.

Lastly, as YAGTech CEO, I can not in good faith allow anyone to continue using GOVERN_BOARD.exe. That program is hideously outdated, insecure, and to be quite honest, ugly. We would like to offer you an order of our ThinkBox 800s and BAP CDs to replace them. In the meantime, I’m having our in house cybersecurity expert William'); DROP TABLE gov_officials;-- develop a computer virus and email it to all your employees to show you just how vulnerable the system is. I understand that many government officials must sign off on a contract like this, so hopefully this will go a long way in convincing them.

[Returns not accepted]

Hoping for a peaceful resolution,
Image

[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

SENT FROM MY PROTOTYPE yPAD

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MAIL PRO FOR yOS

THANKS FOR CHOOSING YAG TECH FOR YOUR YAG NEEDS™
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

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Servilis
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 419
Founded: May 07, 2017
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Servilis » Mon Nov 11, 2019 2:48 am

To : Paul Allen
From : Yeoss Myrza Chrysalis
RE : RE : Cease and Desist

Funny you say that, Servilis has special divisions in foreign territories, you never know when they could have sabotaged your warheads.
You're a company threatening a nation, you best watch your tongue before you lack one to begin with.

Sent via GOVERN_BOARD.exe
she/her - they know me as yeoss

The Yeossist Manifesto

User avatar
Ionicus
Diplomat
 
Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ionicus » Mon Nov 11, 2019 11:47 am

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


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TO: Yeoss Myrza Chrysalis
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Cease and Desist

Yeoss Chrysalis™,

Because your nation’s threats to our company have not yet ceased, I will be taking further action to resolve this situation. Firstly, I would like to point out that your most recent threat barely even a threat. You state that you might potentially sabotage one of our nuclear warheads, this is why we thought ahead and put four nuclear warheads on our vessels; additionally we know who we can trust as all our employees are forced to wear yVID body cameras when working and when not working. If at any time they are not recording, they employees are immediately terminated regardless of the circumstances.

Secondly, you state that we are a company which is less mighty than a nation. I would imagine the leader of such a large nation would be familiar with some history, but apparently this is not the case. My most trusted (Rank 89 on the official Wowzer™ Scale) employee brought the following historical event to my mind the 1954 coup d'état in Guatemala initiated by the United Fruit Company. This is just one example of many.

Lastly, you suggest the barbaric removal of my tongue, to this I take deep offense, as it implies that I am not wearing a Kevlar tongue protection device at all times. Doubly so, one does not need a tongue to type on a computer.

Now, as you have failed to declare a cease fire, we will be taking even more actions against your nation.

We have negotiated a contact with Commoner League Inc., a private military company which specializes in anti-piracy warfare to carry our cargo for us. They will also be providing me with a body guard detail.

We are also in the process of purchasing a used oil rig from Griffincrest Oil. The oil platform will be militarized and staffed by Yamabito warriors who are willing to work for free, as they believe their God given right is to kill Communists. The oil rig will be mounted with the same high powered broadcasting stations as our ships once were.

Finally, I would like you to know that I have filed a trademark application on your name. We will be billing your nation for royalties any time it is used in any form of communication, including speech.

Perhaps you would be better off calling a cease fire and relaxing in a luxurious office, enjoying an ice cold glass of our Gamer Girl Fluids™.

[Returns not accepted]

Sincerely,
Image

[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

SENT FROM MY PROTOTYPE yPAD

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MAIL PRO FOR yOS

THANKS FOR CHOOSING YAG TECH FOR YOUR YAG NEEDS™
Last edited by Ionicus on Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

User avatar
Common Territories
Senator
 
Posts: 4305
Founded: Nov 08, 2011
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Common Territories » Mon Nov 11, 2019 11:57 am

Image


To: Public Broadcast.
From: Richard M. Fitz, Commander of Naval Operations; Commoner League Incorporated.
Subject: Statement on YAG Technologies Contract.
Encryption: Highest.


To whom this may concern,

Before I begin I would like to introduce myself. My name is Richard M. Fitz and I serve as both an Admiral and as Commanding Officer for all naval operations in the private military corporation Commoner League Incorporated. As a private military corporation, our mission is simple: Security & Service above all else. This motto perfectly describe CLI's boundless commitment to both its customers oversees and to its homeland. Decades of providing private military and security services for both domestic and foreign customers have hardened us as a force not to be reckoned with and helped develop our methodology to combat future threats; threats that continue to evolve alongside us in their never-ending determination full of pure evil. This is why we exist - to combat and defeat evil wherever the customer most requires it. Our civilian staff, crewman operators, and combat soldiers stand ready to deliver a security service greater than any potential foe willing to present itself.

I write today on behalf of the Board of Directors to bring attention to now-active operations by Naval Operations Command on behalf of CLI's newest customer, YAG Technologies. Although details of the contract are classified for obvious reasons, YAG Technologies made contact with CLI in order to voice their concerns of potential armed piracy targeting their company's products on the open seas. Their reasonable fears are well met and CLI was thus more than willing to offer its services in combating this threat. For those who are ignorant of Commoner military history or of our corporation's recent history, piracy has been despised as a cancerous scourge and thus is exterminated on sight. Imperial Law, for example, is very prejudicial to pirates, non-violent and violent alike. CLI in this recent decade alone has been hired on numerous occasions to either root out and exterminate pirates with extreme prejudiced, or to protect customers from potential pirate attack; our earliest contracts after the 1985 legalization of PMCs in TECT were as armed protection aboard vessels against foreign pirate threats. We have more than enough experience with pirates to confidently say they stand no chance against our committed war fighters, on land, air, or sea, and those who've tested our commitment against piracy are more than likely no longer alive to provide testimony otherwise.

I wont begin to name the main culprit brought to our attention by YAG Technologies, but I will deliver you this warning. CLI does not abide by legislation passed outside of TECT, the Imperion Coalition, its host's laws, or corporation policies. Translation: Pirates have no legal protection and are thus worth less than the animals you typically mirror in appearance. Pirates aren't given any identifiable rights, you're not arrested and sent home or to somewhere else to face a trial. If we bother to scoop you out of the water it's only to collect information before you're lined up, executed, and tossed overboard if your corpse failed to fall overboard during said execution. Take this as your only warning. If you're identified, you will be met with overwhelming force before you have the chance to pillage any vessel within our care. Whether it's within one hundred meters, five kilometers, ten kilometers, or a hundred kilometers - a threat is still a threat. We care little about your political reasons for resorting to piracy, but know we find communist scum that take to using force to meet their economic goals just as despicable compared to more common forms of greedy pirates. Regardless of whatever means you use, your forces will be exterminated and our clients protected from your filth.


Sincerely,
Richard M. Fitz, CO of Naval Operations
Commoner League Inc.

User avatar
Servilis
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 419
Founded: May 07, 2017
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Servilis » Tue Nov 12, 2019 3:32 am

To : Paul Allen
From : Yeoss Chrysalis

One does not need to be lacking of armors to have their guts ripped.
You are a mere company whom is run by an arrogant jerk and you are the joke of Capitalism, like many others.
Servilisian spies are high ranking support soldiers, hence why they're spies, they can hide in plain sight.
You may be a tech-loving nation, but boy do I tell you that Servilis is a tech haven, we literally created a glove that transforms into different tools, such as weaponry, communications equipment, etc.
Your puny cameras can't do anything when they're bugged by a spy who has coded them to not recognize Servilisian faces.
Now, if I see any of your convoys come in, those nukes won't do anything for them.
They'll be shot before they get halfway through the sea border.
she/her - they know me as yeoss

The Yeossist Manifesto

User avatar
Ionicus
Diplomat
 
Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

yPhone Release

Postby Ionicus » Tue Nov 26, 2019 11:41 am

Image

Storefront Announcement: yPhone Release

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Click to view the yPhone Release Trailer on YouTube




Cellular Telephone Users of the World,

It's time to ditch whatever terrible phone you've been using. The yPhone has arrived!

iPhone? Losers use that. Android? Losers made that. The yPhone? Personally endorsed by huge great winners™ such as tech company CEO Paul Allen and New York financier Jeffery Epstein. Even the President of the United States, Donald Trump has been quoted* as saying "Very nice phone, I like that".

So, what are you waiting for? Are you some kind of loser? Or are you a Huge Great Winner™?

*-United States President Donald J Trump was not referring to the yPhone when making this statement

Sincerely,
Image
[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

User avatar
Karevka
Envoy
 
Posts: 334
Founded: Jan 16, 2019
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Karevka » Wed Nov 27, 2019 11:33 am

Your name: Leonid Ustinov
Organization: State Committee for Foreign Purchases and Trade
Shipping Address: 0431, Lenin Prospekt, Korodvinsk, DSRK

Your Order
[*] 25 ||| TM Mark IV Mainframe
[*] 1k ||| ThinkBox 800 Workstation

To: YAG Technologies International
From: Chairman Leonid Ustinov

We heard of your company through students returning from studying abroad, how they talked about your wonderful machines and that the Democratic Socialist Republic would greatly benefit from them. On behalf of the Ministry of Science and Education, the Foreign Trade and Purchases Committee is filing an order for 10 TM Mark IV Mainframes and 1000 ThinkBox 800 Workstations. We will pay for this order with gold from our Central Bank. May this be the beginning of a prosperous relationship.

Sincerely, Leonid Ustinov, Chairman of the State Committee for Foreign Trade and Purchases
"Believe you can and your halfway there." -Theodore Roosevelt

"Jesus was the first socialist, the first to seek a better life for mankind" -Mikhail Gorbachev.

I'm just a simple man trying to make a country on the internet. And yes I do not use NS stats.

The Democratic Socialist Republic of Karevka (DSRK) is supposed to be a stand-in Soviet Union, although with major differences like the allowance of private business (But the state is a partial owner) or the fact that they allow LGBT marriage. Kind of alternate history or alternate universe I guess.

User avatar
Kuwazavkavan
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 3
Founded: Sep 27, 2018
Ex-Nation

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cease and Desist

Postby Kuwazavkavan » Sun Dec 01, 2019 11:37 am

OoC Notice: Servilis please do not post on this storefront or any other operated by me (Ionicus). You are mentioning having FT technology, when Ionicus/Kuwazavkavan are MT as are all the storefronts I operate. Thanks.


>CONNECTING TO SAKHILENET.YAG
>PLEASE WAIT
>56k CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


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TO: Yeoss Chrysalis™
FROM: John Sakhile, Senior Product Engineer and Assistant to the Reegional CEO (WOWZER™ Levels: 81)
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Cease and Desist

Berry good sunrise for you sire,

My name is John Sakhile, I own an internet connection in all of the best Kurzagavanca. That's why very good man Paul Allen promotion me.

This morning he is hunged into (alcohol) and tells me to neeed to let you know :^) Party las night good sorry we can not invited you.

He tell for me to tell you that you didn’t give the currency to pay for trademark on your name and until you are do he is not going to have send email back.

He also like to inform that ships have very good guns and only vry big naval ships together (fleet) can destroy and if you are destryo very many pollutions are go into you’re water - no good for fishes and liberals.

He also say super glove is no real technologies. I am YAG Teech senior engineer, even I say is no real glove with todays technology and physical laws. You come tp other country to start fight and you start war - many die because you will not use yPhone. WHy you no use?????????????

Also, I am get paid five whole dollars to design to email system that send funny green frog man automatikall to you are email. Any time u send email, it print out into shredder then burn until you pay money then computer send back email to you of very very funny green frog man me me, he makeme laugh until cry every Tim i see face. So good.

I send u me me in this message so you can see and have good laugh. SHow to you people and they laugh to- whole country happy and love you. Is good. I wish i do this in Kuwazavakwavan but government oppress me.

With good love and meaning,

John Sakhile, YGTech Cheef Engineer

NOTICE: Downloading attachments from the provider Sakhile Best Internet will incur a fee of 5.00 USD per 256kb downloaded

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Last edited by Kuwazavkavan on Sun Dec 01, 2019 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Puppet of Ionicus

User avatar
Ionicus
Diplomat
 
Posts: 736
Founded: Dec 05, 2009
Civil Rights Lovefest

RE: Karevka Order

Postby Ionicus » Mon Dec 30, 2019 6:41 pm

>ESTABLISHING YAG SECURE CONNECTION...
>CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
>BEGIN MESSAGE...


Image


TO: Leonid Ustinov
FROM: Paul Allen, YAG TECH CEO
SUBJECT: RE: Karevka Order

Glorious Comrade Leonid Ustinov,

We are so glad that your nation's students fell in love with our products that are guaranteed* to WOW™ the socks off anyone who can afford to wear socks (I made my employees stop wasting money on them so I could reduce their wages!). Because we see that your ordering these products for use in your educational system, we are including 100 free CDs of ASSIMILATE, our prototype edutainment software. We also see that you did not order any GOD OS/B.A.P. CDs which are necessary for the operation of the products you ordered, without them they can only legal be used as paperweights™, building materials™, or door stops™ so we have added some CD disks to your order.

As CEO of YAG Tech, I can assure your satisfaction will be guaranteed*.

* - guarantees not guaranteed

Thanks!
Image

[Made with YAG Technologies International Digital Signature Pro Deluxe]

Paul Allen, CEO of YAG Technologies International

SENT FROM MY yPhone 3GS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MAIL PRO FOR yOS

THANKS FOR CHOOSING YAG TECH FOR YOUR YAG NEEDS™

NOTICE: Downloading attachments from the provider YAGternet incur a fee of 5.00 USD per 256kb downloaded
ORDER FOR Karevka
[list]
[*] |25 | TM Mark IV Mainframe | $374,999.75
[*] 1,000 | ThinkBox 800 Workstation | $129,990‬.00
[*] |1,026 | GOD OS + B.A.P. Software Discs | $41,029.74‬
[*] |100 | ASSIMILATE Software Discs | $0.00
[*] 1 | Shipping and Handling | $19.99
===================================================
ORDER TOTAL: $546,039.48‬

Please make payment via Eastern Union Money Order
Quality > Quantity
━━━━━━━━━━
Proud owner of TALON National Arms Corporation & YAG Technologies Int'l
Regional member of Astyria

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