People didn't like me as much as they should have.
That made me angry.
*FLASHBACK*
I was already crazy. I was already the ruler of a nation with an army that had control of over 150 swiss knives (those spoons are beasty). I had already skipped my meds for that day.
I called the general (and second in command to pretty much everything now, which doesn't count for much) of my great army (motto: 299 strong, because 300 was a sucky movie and it's hard to count to 301) and ordered him to attack.
He was bein' all 'tarded and was like toatally,"But sir, where?"
And I was like,"Where people don't like me!"
"Where's that"
"Here"
"Where?"
"The map"
"Where on the map"
*makes large circles with hands* "This general area"
"That's everywhere sir. That's a bit extreme"
"My approval rating is 10%. That means if I'm sitting at the table with my wife, four kids, parents, and three closest friends, I'm the only one who thinks I'm doing a good job. Desprate times call for desprate measures. And hot choclate."
"Really though?"
*sips at steaming cup*"Really"
"Really?"
"Reeeeeallly"
..............
..............
"I'm not seeing you destroying any general areas yet"
*general walks out. I sip at the cup again... I glance around, lean back in my chair, and begin to sing*"Can't get no, sat-is-fac-TION"
30 minutes later
*General walks in*"Sir, we're done."
"Already?"
"Yeah. Small country, when ya' get down to it"
*An explosion rocks the buildings foundations*
"On second thought, there's one place left, I would suggest leaving the premises at a brisk pace"
*A second explosion goes off, the building begins to lean noticably to the right*
"Let's make that a brisk run then, sir"
*10 minutes later*
"You destroyed it all... I have no country... My reputation is ruined... I forgot my hot choclate..."
"You indicated it all, sir"
"Shut-up"
"I have an idea sir"
"Hmmm?"
"Since I have been asking for a raise for a while, I was wondering if I could have that now?"
"It's not a good time to ask"
"But I'm the only one with control over any military force"
"I have 298 willing warriors for my cause"
"They died"
"What! How?"
"Tragic incident involving a clown, three keyboards, an alligator, and a hamster graveyard. Too much detail to go into right now. But the fact remains that I have the only swiss knife left"
"Woo man, put away those tweezers, we can be reasonable, we can talk!"
"Alright. I need my money in three weeks. Until then I will disapear for no reason as the author of this post has no other reasonable way to get me out of the story currently"
*END FLASHBACK*
So there's the story. I've got three days to unload 30,000 pounds of rubble and assorted citizen chunks. It's going for $.50 a pound.
Help a (mad) man out, please? *Puppy dog face*
*Wimper-wimper*
