Mike's Monkey House!

[New Edom]

To: Minister Herve de Charette
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Minister,

We will be happy to use the greatest discretion in sending you your monkeys. Of course there are places where there are laws that make it difficult for people to find these poor monkeys (who would otherwise be trapped in the jungle full of savage animals and dangerous tribesmen) a good home. You can count on us to do the shipping to your exact specifications.

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[The Shrailleeni Empire]

Honorable Greetings Mike Mallarhyde of the house of monkeys,

I have the honor of representing the Imperial Menagerie of the Royal Palace in the Shrailleeni Empire. It has come to our attention that your establishment provides the finest array of healthy, high-quality, and rare monkeys from around the globe. As part of the Empire's tradition of maintaining the most diverse, educational, and natural artificial habitats for many kinds of animal, we simply must obtain many specimens of monkey to increase the quality of our exhibits.

We would like to inquire if you might be able to provide the services of monkey experts, to ensure that we obtain the best information of the facts, details, and habits of the monkeys in questions and to help construct the best possible monkey habitats. We are also interested in obtaining breeding pairs only. Her Enlightened Majesty will, of course, cover the bill.

Honorably Yours,
Zecharas Serrin
Director, Imperial Menagerie

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!

Nation Name The Enlightened Matriarchy of the Shrailleeni Empire
Person Name (if applicable) Zecharas Serrin
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):

Emperor Tamarin (6)
Common Marmoset (6)
Black Tufted Marmoset (6)
Squirrel Monkey(6)
Capuchin Monkey (6)
Night Monkey (4)
Three Striped Night Monkey(4)
Spider Monkey (4)
Howler Monkey (4)
Woolly Monkey (4)
Green Monkey (6)
Japanese Macaque (4)
Chacma Baboon (6)
Gelada (6)
Mandrill (4)

[New Edom]

To: Zecharas Serrin, Director, Imperial Menagerie
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Director,

I recently hired a large number of monkey experts following a glut of monkeys from Dahamy and Dengali, and so I'd be glad to provide some of them to the Imperial Menagerie! If there's anyone on the planet that loves monkeys more than Mike Mallarhyde, it's these rascals. Seems like Her Majesty is about to have one of the best monkey habitats and displays in the Region! Our team of vets and other monkey experts will be hard at work fulfilling your order, and I'll send one of my associates to make sure that everything is exactly as you need!

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Delmonte]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Delmonte
Person Name (if applicable) Doge Cesare Di Canossa
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): I would like a Monkey Sampler, please. A variety, if you would.

[New Edom]

To: Doge Cesare Di Canossa
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

To His Serenity the Doge

We understand that you wish to receive a sampler of monkeys, and we are glad to provide them. One monkey of each species will be in a good cage, well trained and friendly will be shipped by the best means possible for your pleasure and companionship! And may I say, I love some of the wines your Serenity's country produces, in fact I'm sipping a glass of Giunti Rosa right now and I have to say, mighty fine doesn't even cut it.

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

*bump*

[Placken]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation NamePlacken
Person Name (if applicable)Frederick Albert von Ostbär, Hereditary Duke of Ostbär
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):1 Emperor Tamarin, Gift Wrapped if possible

[New Edom]

To: Frederick Albert von Ostbär, Hereditary Duke of Ostbär
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

To His Grace the Duke

We understand that you wish to receive 1 Emperor Tamarin, Gift Wrapped if possible, and we are glad to provide it. This is one of the best of the small monkeys we have--in fact it's royally amazing! However we can't put it in a gift box, because that's cruel. Instead what we're going to do is put some fancy ribbons and bows on the cage, with a nice cage cover that allows air flow. We don't advise putting a ribbon on the monkey as Tamarins don't like being dressed. It may be small but it's feisty!

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Pasovo-nacoBo]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Pasovo-nacoBo
Person Name (if applicable)uhhhh.... Prince David
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):
One Capuchin Monkey,
I never had a monkey before...

[New Edom]

To: Prince David of Pasovo-NacoBo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Prince David,

We understand that you wish to receive 1 Capuchin Monkey, and we are glad to provide it. We hope it will give you years of fun and companionship, and remember: it's the most popular monkey in movies! Raiders of the Lost Ark, Night at the Museum and many more movies have starred this moneky! Well not THIS monkey, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Pasovo-nacoBo]

(Image)
To: Prince David of Pasovo-NacoBo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Prince David,

We understand that you wish to receive 1 Capuchin Monkey, and we are glad to provide it. We hope it will give you years of fun and companionship, and remember: it's the most popular monkey in movies! Raiders of the Lost Ark, Night at the Museum and many more movies have starred this moneky! Well not THIS monkey, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

---

To:Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House
From: Prince David
Thanks you very much. We truly appreciate your monkey business. If you can, give us a manual for monkeys, they are very interesting animals.

Now I can annoy Princess Claire to death with a monkey.....SWEEET.

Best of wishes towards you monkey business!
Prince David,
Pasovo-nacoBo

[New Edom]

To: Prince David of Pasovo-NacoBo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Prince David,

First of all: monkeys need exercise, so you need a big cage for them, at least as big as the average small house. They should have stuff to climb on, places to hide (not so good you can't find them) they need both light and shade, and they can be kind of dangerous. Imagine dealing with a dog that has five hands and is really smart! We'll send one of our monkey handlers to show you the ropes. Monkeys kind of eat like vegetarians, so they eat nuts, fruit, veggies just like we do. The monkey I'm sending you loves peanut butter and banana sandwiches. You can buy monkey biscuits which we also sell, and can provide you with on a monthly or yearly shipping basis if you like.

We will also include our monkey manual which has dietary information, veterinary information, some background on the monkeys written by a real monkey scientist, and all kinds of other fascinating stuff that even I never knew about monkeys.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Pasovo-nacoBo]

Phone Call From Prince David
Thank you, well, I have to head to bed.

it's far past midnight Where i am... goodnight.

[Monforte]

The Government of Monforte would like to buy, as a present to the Prince 3 Emperor Tamarin monkeys.
Thank you. Victor Langle

[Jat (Ancient)]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
Nation Name: The Rogue Nation of Jat
Person Name: Jarl Johan Bjorn
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): I want a total of 200 monkeys. 100 small ones and 100 large ones including 25 breeding pairs of both. Now I don't care what species these come from but they must be vicious, bloodthirsty, violent beasts, understand?

200 monkeys at 100 a piece comes to 20,000 which I will happily deliver in cash upon delivery.

[New Edom]

To: Victor Langle
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Langle

We understand that you wish to receive 3 Emperor Tamarins and we are glad to provide them. We hope they will give you years of fun and companionship. These are deluxe little monkeys and so we hope you will get along well.

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

To: Jarl Johan Bjorn
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Jarl Johan Bjorn

You said you wanted vicious monkeys, which is an unusual request, and that you want them in breeding pairs, even more so! You know the answer to your request--Capuchins for small and Baboons for big! Put them in pairs rather than in groups and you can bet they'll be bad tempered. We usually have some monkeys that are just plain not happy monkeys. Who knows why? We've sent you all that we have currently, ones that we wouldn't normally sell to anyone. Hope they work out for you.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Sensorland]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name: Sensorland
Person Name (if applicable): Bob Bobbington III
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Squirrel Monkey-10, Spider Monkey-20
I agree to treat th(is)(ese) monkey(s) kindly, feed it(them), and never to abuse it(them). (Sign in red):Bob Bobbington III

There, I even wrote and signed a contract!

[New Edom]

To: Bob Bobbington III
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Bobbington,

Your order for 10 squirrel monkeys and 20 spider monkeys is being shipped out even as this message is sent. You will find that they will make wonderful companions. May you enjoy much enjoyment enjoyably together!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Kense]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name: Kense
Person Name (if applicable): Kenbury's National zoo
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):: 2 mandrills, 6 Japanese macaques and 6 common marmosets

For a total of $ 1400NSD, we want an half of them to be male and an half of them to be female for each species.

[New Edom]

To: Kenbury's National zoo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

To the Chief Official, Kenbury's National zoo

Your order for 2 mandrills, 6 Japanese macaques and 6 common marmosets is being shipped out even as this message is sent. They will make a wonderful display for your zoo. However, we recommend that your macaques should be a group of 1 male and 5 females as they are polygamous and a divided group would fight too much. We hope you enjoy your monkeys. If we have not filled your order to satisfaction polease let us know.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Sensorland]

(Image)
To: Bob Bobbington III
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Bobbington,

Your order for 10 squirrel monkeys and 20 spider monkeys is being shipped out even as this message is sent. You will find that they will make wonderful companions. May you enjoy much enjoyment enjoyably together!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

To: Mike Mallarhyde
From: Bob Bobbington III

Dear Mr. Mallarhyde,

What is your return policy? There was a typo in my order and I need to return ten of the twenty spider monkeys you sent me. So far they have all made wonderful companions as you promised, but like I said, there are too many.

Thank you,
Bob Bobbington III

[New Edom]

To: Bob Bobbington III
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Bobbington,

We'll have to have a look at the monkeys and make sure they are being returned in the same condition they were sent in. Otherwise, we'll be glad to take them back and find somewhere else for them to go.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Sensorland]

(Image)
To: Bob Bobbington III
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Bobbington,

We'll have to have a look at the monkeys and make sure they are being returned in the same condition they were sent in. Otherwise, we'll be glad to take them back and find somewhere else for them to go.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

To: Mike Mallarhyde
From: Bob Bobbington III

Dear Mr. Mallarhyde,

We have treated them very well, and I daresay they are in an even better condition than they were sent in. I hope they will be happy back with you.

Thank you,
Bob Bobbington III

[Ximea]

Yes, we require as many monkeys as you can reasonably provide.
(please fill in the form below: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Ximea
Person Name (if applicable) Director Raymond McMullen, Ximean Bio-Sciences Division
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):
- Green monkey (Chlorocebus sabaeus) 500
- Chacma baboon (Papio ursinus) 500

We are also in need of the following monkeys, which are not listed among your inventory:

- Rhesus macaque (Macaca mulatta)
- Cynomolgus monkey (also known as the crab-eating macaque) (Macaca fascicularis)

If you could provide us with a price estimate, we would be most grateful.