Mike's Monkey House!

[United Islands of the Pacific]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name United Islands of the Pacific
Person Name (if applicable) Zachary Waynam (manager of the Central Pacific City Zoo)
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): 5 Squirrel Monkeys (2 female, 3 male), 5 Emperor Tamarins (3 female, 2 male), 5 Common Marmosets (4 male, 1 female), 5 Black Tuffed Marmosets (2 male, 3 female), and 5 Capuchin monkeys (2 female, 3 male).

Dear Mr. Mallarhyde,

We are buying these monkeys to fill up our small monkey exhibit. After the earthquake, most of our monkeys we had were either injured and had to move to a sanctuary, or ran away in panic. We hope that you consider our purchase so we can once again get our zoo back in stock. P.S. We don't need assistance with the earthquake in our country, we have recovered. The challenge now is getting our zoos, filled, and getting our offices repaired so people can once again work.

Sincerely,
Zachary Waynam
Manager of the Central Pacific City Zoo

[Himiko]

The Holy Empire of Himiko Official Communication
Shrine of Trade
“Two foxes find their bellies never empty when they work together”

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To: Mike's Monkey House!
From: The Shrine of Trade of the Holy Empire of Himiko

Greetings. We have been requested to make a formal purchase of several of your monkies for our Divine Imperial Zoo located in Mikonotani, our capital city. The acquired primates will be under the authority of the zoo and it's Miko and non-miko staff. All primates will be cared for as regulated by the government and treated humanely. Enclosures have been constructed and await occupancy. Attached is our formal request, money will be transferred into the company account when desired.

We request a mix of female and male for each species bought based on what you have available.

Thank you and may fortune find you and your buisness.

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name: The Holy Empire of Himiko
Person Name (if applicable): None, handled by The Shrine of Trade on behalf of the Shrine of Domestic Affairs
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):

6 Black Tufted Marmoset = $600NSD
6 Emperor Tamarin = $600NSD
12 Spider Monkeys = $1200NSD
6 Howler Monkey = $600NSD
6 Woolly Monkey = $600NSD
6 Gelada = $600NSD

Grand Total = $4200 NSD

[Trisolarum]

Salvete!
The Council of Science have been requested by the Academy of Simiology to purchase two simians of each species, one of each gender for scientific purposes. Due to our laws concerning animal treatment, we grant adequate care for the beings.
The payment will be transferred once the simians reached the academy.

Vivatis diu et bene!

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: Pinkamena Diane Pie

Dear Pinkamena Diane Pie

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of one Squirrel Monkey will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice. Get ready for some serious cute!!!

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: Caltrean Central Zoo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, Owner and CEO of Mike's Monkey House
Subject: A Large Order

Dear Adron Buric

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your large shipment of monkeys of assorted sex and species will soon be on their way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkeys you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice. I hope people really have a great time coming to the zoo and seeing our monkeys there.

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: Zachary Waynam (manager of the Central Pacific City Zoo)
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Dear Zachary Waynam (manager of the Central Pacific City Zoo)

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of 5 Squirrel Monkeys (2 female, 3 male), 5 Emperor Tamarins (3 female, 2 male), 5 Common Marmosets (4 male, 1 female), 5 Black Tuffed Marmosets (2 male, 3 female), and 5 Capuchin monkeys (2 female, 3 male). will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice. Sorry to hear about all the monkey and human casualties in your country; we hope this will help restore some joy and fun. Because what could be more fun and joyful than monkeys?

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

To: The Council of Science
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Your shipment of 2 monkeys (male and female) of each of our available species has been carefully inspected by our veterinary staff and is being shipped out to your academy. We hope that you will take good care of our monkeys and that the research you do will be of benefit to humanity and the posterity of science. As Archimedes once said: Let's get this sorted!

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is your first stop for world class first class monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: The Shrine of Trade of the Holy Empire of Himiko
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of a variety of monkey species and sexes will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice. We have apportioned the sexes of the monkeys according to what will work best for them getting along--for example we have sent one Gelada male, and five females. We hope that they will be a wonderful ornament to the Divine Imperial Zoo.

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

To Yohannesia Wildlife Center

I'm really happy to give the personal touch to a big hearty yes to selling you six of all monkey types. Just so you know, most of the monkeys you are getting have a ratio of five females to one male to prevent fighting. I bet those monkeys will be pleased as punch to meet you, and you them! Our team of expert vets and animal handlers will have those monkeys all bundled up for you.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Yohannes
Agency Name (if applicable) Yohannesia Wildlife Sanctuary
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): six of all monkey types

[Radiatia]

Cletus Agney
Chief Operating Officer of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers®
2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

TO:
Mike Mallarhyde
CEO and Owner
Mike's Monkey House
New Edom

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Howdy,

Firstly let me make yer acquaintance. My name is Cletus Agney and I'm the Chief Operating Officer of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® - the best dang rootin' tootin' little ole' fast food restaurant this side of the Great Radiatian Desert.

We heard that y'all got monkeys for sale down in ole' New Edom an we wanna do a purchase.

I do warn ya though, we really likes them there monkeys and we wanna do us a bulk purchase, in the millions so I'd be prepared.

We're gonna be spending $100,000,000 Universal Standard Dollars for the purchase of 1 million spider monkeys - an' we'll be coming back next year to do the same thing.

I gives ya my assurance that them monkeys will all be goin' in our burgers to good homes.

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name The Radiatian Federation (Radiatia)
Person Name (if applicable) Cletus Agney, Chief Operating Officer of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers®
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):

• 200,000 Spider Monkeys
• 200,000 Chacma Baboons
• 200,000 Geladas
• 200,000 Japanese Macaques

I look forward to readin' them squiggles they call words when ya'll return my call.

Your Sincerely,
Cletus Agney
Chief Operating Officer

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

[Landenburg]

Fravardin Gutenzaust is prepared to offer 20,000 Imaginary Funds for a monkey.

[Landenburg]

Nation Name: Landenburg
Person Name: N/A
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): 700 Squirrel Monkeys (350 female, 350 male), 500 Emperor Tamarins (250 female, 250 male), 500 Common Marmosets (250 male, 250 female), 500 Black Tuffed Marmosets (250 male, 250 female), and 700 Capuchin monkeys (350 female, 350 male).

We wish to populate the jungles of Landenburg with your prime apes.
We are prepared to offer 1 million Marxs. (equal to about 10 million USD)

[New Edom]

To:Cletus Agney
Chief Operating Officer of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers®
2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

Dear Mr. Agney,

Well, I am impressed! You are clearly a man of good taste running one of the biggest employers in Radiata, and I am very glad to announce that we are happy to fulfill your order. Looks like I'm going to have to open a few more warehouses just to keep up with this! You'll be happy to know that your company is doing a public service, as there are lots of countries where monkeys are either suffering from the dangers of the wilds or are pests, plaguing farmers and businesses with their pesky ways. I hope that this is the beginning only of a good business relationship.

Even now as I write this, we are filling that order of yours! You have put the "lots" into "lots of monkeys!"

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name The Radiatian Federation (Radiatia)
Person Name (if applicable) Cletus Agney, Chief Operating Officer of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers®
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):

200,000 Spider Monkeys
200,000 Chacma Baboons
200,000 Geladas
200,000 Japanese Macaques

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: The Government of Landenberg
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of a variety of monkey species and sexes will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice.

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Nation Name: Landenburg
Person Name: N/A
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): 700 Squirrel Monkeys (350 female, 350 male), 500 Emperor Tamarins (250 female, 250 male), 500 Common Marmosets (250 male, 250 female), 500 Black Tuffed Marmosets (250 male, 250 female), and 700 Capuchin monkeys (350 female, 350 male).

We wish to populate the jungles of Landenburg with your prime apes.
We are prepared to offer 1 million Marxs. (equal to about 10 million USD)

[New Edom]

Internet Ad: [b]Mike's Monkey House is Now the Fastest Growing Business in New Edom!
Want to know why? Just Click Here!

[Libertatem Insulas]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name The Free Land of Libertatem Insulas
Person Name (if applicable)
Squirell Monkey- 40

[Sardakhar]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Sardakhar
Person Name (if applicable) Josef Yatsis, Head of the Department of Body and Genetic Research, under the Ministry of Education and Science
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Gelada - 30 and Mandrill - 30, for experiments directed on the national advancement of scientific knowledge and awareness. Each monkey priced at 100 NSD, we are prepared to spend 6000 NSD for the purchase of the aforementioned monkeys.

[Mizialand]

Royaume du Mizialand

Ministère des Affaires étrangères

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124 Rue de Elise

5689 AX Heleventia

Mizialand

Tel: +44 900 788

Fax: +44 557 900

Website: www.mdea.mz

Mike Mallarhyde,
CEO and Owner,
Mike's Monkey House

20 December 2012

Dear Madam

Enquiry for Entertaining Monkeys

This missive bears to you the message of Her Highness Sophie Vincent, the reigning monarch of the Kingdom of Mizialand. As you may recognise from our prior correspondence, I am Herve de Charette, Minister of External Affairs of the Kingdom of Mizialand and faithful server of Her Highness.

I would like to enquire on behalf of Her Highness if any of your monkeys are trained in providing entertainment such as juggling or dancing. Her Highness has been really stressful lately and would surely enjoy some live monkey performance which would infact be a great stress buster rather than sitting in front of the idiot box. Please also inform us about the price of the aforesaid monkeys (if available) and the inherent traits or features they posses.

I look forward to your reply. Seasons Greetings and a Merry Christmas!

Yours faithfully,

Hervé de Charette,
Minister of External Affairs

[New Edom]

OOC: Sorry everyone--I don't know how I missed that there were 3 replies in my storefront; I promise to reply today, I honestly didn't see the applications.

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: The Government of Libertatem Insulas
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of Squirrel Monkeys will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice.

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name The Free Land of Libertatem Insulas
Person Name (if applicable)
Squirell Monkey- 40

[New Edom]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!
To: Josef Yatsis, Head of the Department of Body and Genetic Research
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner of Mike's Monkey House

Our team of vets and animal handlers will make sure that your shipment of a Geladas and Mandrills will soon be on his way! Members of our team will prepare shipping and handling and make sure the monkey you have ordered will be safety and soundly delivered to the location of your choice.

Remember, Mike's Monkey House is the first stop for quality monkeys!

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Sardakhar
Person Name (if applicable) Josef Yatsis, Head of the Department of Body and Genetic Research, under the Ministry of Education and Science
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Gelada - 30 and Mandrill - 30, for experiments directed on the national advancement of scientific knowledge and awareness. Each monkey priced at 100 NSD, we are prepared to spend 6000 NSD for the purchase of the aforementioned monkeys.

[New Edom]

(Image)

(Image)

Royaume du Mizialand

Ministère des Affaires étrangères

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124 Rue de Elise

5689 AX Heleventia

Mizialand

Tel: +44 900 788

Fax: +44 557 900

Website: www.mdea.mz

Mike Mallarhyde,
CEO and Owner,
Mike's Monkey House

20 December 2012

Dear Madam

Enquiry for Entertaining Monkeys

This missive bears to you the message of Her Highness Sophie Vincent, the reigning monarch of the Kingdom of Mizialand. As you may recognise from our prior correspondence, I am Herve de Charette, Minister of External Affairs of the Kingdom of Mizialand and faithful server of Her Highness.

I would like to enquire on behalf of Her Highness if any of your monkeys are trained in providing entertainment such as juggling or dancing. Her Highness has been really stressful lately and would surely enjoy some live monkey performance which would infact be a great stress buster rather than sitting in front of the idiot box. Please also inform us about the price of the aforesaid monkeys (if available) and the inherent traits or features they posses.

I look forward to your reply. Seasons Greetings and a Merry Christmas!

Yours faithfully,
(Image)
Hervé de Charette,
Minister of External Affairs

To: Hervé de Charette,
Minister of External Affairs
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Minister,
I hope things are going alright in Mizialand. I'm real sorry to hear about how Her Highness has the blues, but you know, I know one thing that cheers people up--monkeys! And there's one thing that cheers them up even more--performing monkeys! And have we got monkeys that can perform? Why, sure we do! They can juggle, smoke cigarettes, drink whiskey, go on unicycles, bicycles, tricycles and little mini quads for kids! They can pretend to go for a stroll with a hat and cane, play cards, and grind little organs and dance! The best monkeys we have for that are Capuchin Monkeys, you should see how clever those little critters are. What I'd be glad to do is arrange for you to see a performance, and then if you like it and think Her Highness would too, we'd arrange for the sale of the monkeys for 60,000 NSD.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Ryaanistan]

To whom this may concern,

A monkey eh? That's pretty exotic. I am a man of exotic taste! A monkey would be a great thing to have around as an evil little minion. I would like to purchase one for my estate. Here is the application:

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Ryaanistan
Person Name (if applicable) Darren Malson
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Capuchin Monkey- 1

I will name him......Thunder....

Signed,
Darren Malson
Administrator of Third World Arms

[New Edom]

To: Darrell Mason, Administrator of Third World Arms
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Mason,

I am very glad to say that we have enough Capuchin Monkeys in stock to be able to make sure that you have one that will sit on your shoulder, make faces at people who are brought in front of your desk, be a general nuisance to those who get in your way, and be somewhat smarter than your average bodyguard or subordinate!

Expect your monkey shipment soon.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Mizialand]

-Snip-

Royaume du Mizialand

Ministère des Affaires étrangères

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124 Rue de Elise

5689 AX Heleventia

Mizialand

Tel: +44 900 788

Fax: +44 557 900

Website: www.mdea.mz

Mike Mallarhyde,
CEO and Owner,
Mike's Monkey House

15 January 2013

Dear Sir

Re: Re: inquiry for Entertaining Monkeys

Her Highness was really enthralled by the idea of performing monkeys. I am sure that it would really please her and play an important role in reliving Her Highness, acting as a great stress buster. Therefore I would like to place an order of 5 performing monkeys, the details of which are enclosed in the application below.

I request that these monkeys be shipped in special diplomatic containers. If the Animal Rights Associations finds out about these monkeys, they will make my life a living hell. The vessel carrying these monkeys will be spared from normal customs checks. Also, please ensure that the vessel arrives in late night, so that the monkeys can be transferred to the palace in the cover of the night.

The required NSD 300,000 shall be wired to your preferred account or delivered in cash, as you please.

Yours faithfully,

Hervé de Charette,
Minister of External Affairs

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name Mizialand
Person Name (if applicable) Herve de Charette
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Capuchin (5)