Mike's Monkey House!

[New Edom]

To: Director Raymond McMullen, Ximean Bio-Sciences Division
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Director McMullen

We've received your order for the following:

- Green monkey (Chlorocebus sabaeus) 500
- Chacma baboon (Papio ursinus) 500

This will be filled over the next 3 months as we usually don't keep so many monkeys in stock all at once, and when we obtain them they have to be processed for diseases and kept in proper conditions for shipment. However the order will be filled in groups of 50 per week.

As for your other request:
- Rhesus macaque (Macaca mulatta)
- Cynomolgus monkey (also known as the crab-eating macaque) (Macaca fascicularis)

Since these monkeys are not normally part of our order stock the price will be higher: 500 dollars a monkey for sets of 100. At the moment we will be able to obtain 100 of each species. Please let us know if this is satisfactory.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Ximea]

TO: Mike Mallarhyde
CEO and Owner
Mike's Monkey House
FROM: Raymond McMullen
Director
Ximean Bio-Sciences Division
SUBJ: Monkeys

MSG BEGINS:

We find these terms to be acceptable. The cost of each shipment will be wired upon receipt.

MSG ENDS

[Prosorusiya]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
Monkey: Trained Circus (What species would this be?), Number: 12
60000 NSD
Nation Name: Prosorusiya
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s):
1 Dozen Monkeys trained for Circus use, of recommended species or various species as case may be ( I do like the look of the Emperor Tamarins?)

[Toin]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name The Kingdom of Toin
Person Name (if applicable) HM King Esbjorn I
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): 1 Japanese Macaque

[New Edom]

To: HRM HM King Esbjorn I
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Your Majesty

We've received your order for the following:

1 Japanese Macaque.

You have made a great choice. This monkey will be like a new child--if the child was covered in fur and could not talk, that is. We will send a care and instruction manual and the monkey will be shipped with care and have a handler ready to hand the monkey over. Among other things, that is what handlers do.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Pretic Albion]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name: Pretic Albion
Person Name (if applicable): Osbern Harred, Prime Minister and President of Pretic Albion
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Woolley Monkey (1)

[The Federation of Kendor]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name: Kendor
Person Name (if applicable): Westford Center Zoo. Kelly Jason, Director of Westford Center Zoo
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): Spider Monkey - 5, and Squirrel Monkey - 5

[New Edom]

To: The Rt. Hon. Osbern Harred, Prime Minister and President of Pretic Albion
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. President and Prime Minister

We've received your order for the following:

1 Woolly Monkey!

You have made a great choice. This monkey will be a cuddly warm companion on chilly nights, like a kind of sweater that has a tail, hands and makes monkey noises. What could be better than that? A trained handler will accompany your monkey and make sure that he or she (sex according to the big wheel we have in the back) is well cared for, safely shipped and that you get all the instructions and gear that goes with her. Or him.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[New Edom]

To: Westford Center Zoo. Kelly Jason, Director of Westford Center Zoo
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Director Jason

We've received your order for the following:

Spider Monkey - 5, and Squirrel Monkey - 5

You have made a great set of choices here. I can just imagine all the kids going to your zoo and seeing all those monkeys swinging around and jumping around and making faces at them! We are sending a couple of our people who are skilled at handlign these monkeys and will do the transfer of the monkeys to your monkey people at your zoo.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[La Cosa Fedora]

To Mike's Monkey House,

As ardent weaboos (that means connoisseurs of Japanese culture to all you baka gaijin out there), we cannot believe that we have lived our lives without the Japanese macaque! Ownership of one of these kawaii critters is sure to become a status symbol in the coming years among all Gentlesirs of Honor.

It is therefore with urgency that we wish to place our order. Please find our attached order form below. We would be pleased to do first time business on a letter of credit basis. Funds shall be transferred to the reputable international banking institution of your choice, and upon fulfillment of the below order, they will make said moneys available to you.

Should this deal go well, we can look forward to future importations of Japanese macaques into what will surely be a rapidly growing market for this pet.

Sincerely yours in the name of the entire /pol/itburo,

Premier Chris Satoru Fedorov

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Nation Name La Cosa Fedora
Person Name (if applicable) Chris Satoru Fedorov
Monkey Type(s) Including Number of Type(s): 50,000 Japanese macaques

5,000,000 NSD

[New Edom]

To: Premier Chris Satoru Fedorov
From: Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

Dear Mr. Premier,

We've received your order for the following:

50,000 Japanese Macaques

I really appreciate how much love for the Japanese Macaque! They are wonderful monkeys and I personal think that even though I cannot love one kind of monkey more than another, they are among the very best. I hope that your people can be very happy with the monkeys we can provide.

The problem is that there aren't that many Japanese Macaques readily available. Even sending you 500 of these wonderful monkeys will take at least 3 months to procure. However we can promise over a period of a few years to start sending more and more of them to you. If you find this acceptable, please let us know and we will start sending the first group of monkeys as part of a monkey sale agreement. I will gladly arrange to meet with your officials.

Also: I contacted my friend in the government here and he said that he would gladly arrange to have a meeting with some of your officials to have a trade agreement for monkey shipments and business, if you're interested. You can contact the Edomite Foreign Ministry in the link below to do that!


Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde, CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[La Cosa Fedora]

To Mike Mallarhyde of Mike's Monkey House.

We find your terms to be acceptable. As long as you can send one Japanese macaque for me soon. We will certainly want to negotiate with the Edomite government, especially to ensure that quantity of monkeys supplied remains limited to maximize their value as a status symbol.

Perhaps it would be best to enter into some sort of long term contract, where I would use my influence with the organs of the State to grant your corporation a de-facto monopoly on this market. In exchange, you would keep the price at which I purchase Japanese macaques constant, and would collect both a monopoly price and, let's say a 30% tax on all sales within the League of the Six Free Peoples to anyone other than me (or my successor should I meet an untimely demise), which you will voluntarily donate to La Cosa Fedora.

By properly managing supply, we can create the next diamond, our partnership can be the next de Beers cartel. Join forces with me, Mike Mallarhyde, and let us forge the next superprofit!

Sincerely yours,

Chris Satoru Fedorov

[Republica De Gran Chaco]

YES, I WANT TO BUY A MONKEY OR EVEN LOTS OF MONKEYS!
(please fill in the form below as follows: example Monkey Type (s) Baboon – 20) )
Then please add in the price. All shipping and handling covered by our company for first time shipments.
Republica de Gran Chaco
Diego Mendoza
$5000 worth of Howler Monkeys

Dear Mr. Mallarhyde,

I would like to order $5000 worth of your finest and loudest howler monkeys. As this is a very large order I would like to make some requests. First, I would like to be guaranteed that these are all young and loud howler monkeys that are easily agitated. Second, I would also like a batch of mixed gender and of peak reproductive age. Third, since this is a very large bulk order, I would also like to request that several monkeys be thrown in extra.

Thank you,

Diego Mendoza

[New Edom]

Dear Mr. Mendoza:

Thank you for your amazing bulk order of howler monkeys! You're going to love having all these noisy monkeys howling up a storm! If I wanted lots of fine howls I would surely pick the howler monkey.

Right now, we have a deal on red howlers, because there is a serious monkey glut following my daring rescue of thousands of red howlers following developments in Ashab. So if you like red howlers, I can give you 50 of them right away. They're pretty young, and we have a problem with there being only 3 females to each male, so they've been a tad feisty.

There are two schools of thought on feeding howler monkeys. One is that they eat leaves, the other is that they can eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches the same as any other monkey. Up to you since you'll be buying them.

Have a nice day,
Mike Mallarhyde,
CEO and Owner, Mike's Monkey House

[Republica De Gran Chaco]

Dear Mr. Mallarhyde,

Thank you, that sounds perfect. I commend your efforts to worldwide conservation and to preserving the health and happiness of these splendid creatures. Now, is 50 the most you can ship at once, is there a way to squeeze a few more into the cages? If not than shipments of 50 will certainly do. Please be sure to ship the monkeys as soon as possible.

Thank you,

Diego Mendoza