Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® [Fast Food]

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 6:34 am

- OVER 4000 HEART ATTACKS CAUSED! -

Contents:
Our Food | Our Story | Franchising Opportunities

Welcome to Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® !

We are Radiatia's Easiest, Greasiest and Sometimes Sleaziest Fast Food Restaurant!

Greasy Joe's is the original and only Fast Food restaurant with it's own healthcare plan!

That's right - would you like health insurance with that?

Not only that, our burgers are the biggest and best tasting you'll ever come across!

Most companies are obsessed with fresh products, but we here at Greasy Joe's have the integrity to know that food has more flavour when it's served slightly after its use-by date!

It just tastes better!

And hey - you can't get much more quintessentially Radiatian than Greasy Joe's®!

Radiatia is physically huge, a land of excesses, sometimes too hot, sometimes too cold.

So too is the food at Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® - physically huge, excessive, sometimes too hot and sometimes too cold!

So embrace your inner Radiatian and grease yourself and your nation with one of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® !

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® is now available in the following countries worldwide:

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 6:35 am

Our Food:

*NEW*

Greasy Joe's® Health Insurance Policy:

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® is the only fast food restaurant ~~dangerous~~ caring enough to offer its own health insurance policy!

Greasy Joe's has done so ever since it was ordered to by the Radiatian Federal government, who were tired of our former customers constantly clogging up and draining the resources of the taxpayer-funded Federal Health Service.

We now have a deal with Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM in which combos come with a voucher for a free check-up! So now you can order twice as many burgers, without worrying about the health consequences!

Of course, don't let simple things like facts fool you - of all the 4000 heart attacks that were legally "caused" by eating Greasy Joe's, not one of those heart attacks occured while the victim was eating our burger! They always came about shortly afterwards, when the victim WASN'T eating a burger!

Therefore, we disagree with these so-called "medical professionals" - we believe that eating our burgers is good for you!
It's NOT eating our burgers that causes heart attacks!
Afterall, statistics do not lie!

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 6:36 am

Our Story:

It all began in state of Skorptsch, right in the very heartland of the Radiatian Federation, with a man named Joseph "Greasy Joe" Bendiks.

_{Joseph "Greasy Joe" Bendiks}

Joe Bendiks lived on the Radiatian Interstate 79 in rural Skorptsch, and made a living throwing dirt at passing cars and then charging people money to have him clean off the dirt that he just threw.

Greasy Joe first discovered his culinary talent one day when he decided to see what would happen if he boiled his own sweat, mixed it with heroin and drank it down.

Later, while serving a jail sentence at a Skorptsch State Penitentiary for possession of illegal substances, Joe learned how to cook burgers. Big, greasy, delicious burgers.

Originally Joe used to cook burgers and distribute them to people free of charge, given that many people in his area were stricken by poverty.

But that was before Joe discovered the miracle of capitalism and made his first business breakthrough - instead of sharing food around for free like they used to under communism, he could take food that would have gone to poor people, and instead give it to paying rich people to make them fat while the others starved!

Before long, Greasy Joe was so rich that he could afford to buy a second shoe and some new strings for his banjo!

Greasy Joe soon made his second great business breakthrough - the more you get paid, the easier your job*. He could flog off his business to franchisees, and get rich while other people work for him!

He sold his first franchise for two turnips, a blade of grass and a really nice hat - oh and 1% of the profits.

Today Greasy Joe Bendiks is one of the richest men in the Radiatian Federation - and there are over 10,000 of his restaurants in Radiatia alone.

Now Greasy Joe (well, actually his hardworking marketing team) is ready to take on the world!

*[OOC: This is actually a bastardisation of a quote from the book "Jennifer Government" by Max Barry]

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 6:37 am

Franchising Opportunities:

Interested in becoming a franchisee? Congratulations, you've struck gold - or should we say, you've stuck grease!

If you're smart, with good business skills, charisma and a cunningness at finding legal loopholes, then we want to hear from you!

The Greasy Joe's® Franchise is a proven business model, and is operated by thousands of local business franchisees such as yourself - people who love profiteering, moral ambiguity, questionable business ethics and GREASE!

You'll receive plenty of training and guidance from our business support teams, who will give you a good "Greasing Up" - after all, here at Greasy Joe's®, grease is more than a product - it's a way of life, and a business model. You need to know how to grease people, as well as products!

Benefits of Being a Franchisee:

It's your own business: We'll give you the tools to make it a success, but ultimately it's your business. You do the work, we get the money, that's how it works.
Personal Satisfaction: As a manager, you will get to feel the true satisfaction that only business managers feel after a hard day of being horrible to employees.
Make a Contribution: We like to listen to what you have to say. We can't guarantee we'll do anything, unless it's a good money-making idea. In which case we'll steal it, give you no credit and you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you made some already-rich people slightly richer.
Personal Growth: Running a Greasy Joe's® Restaurant will see you develop as an individual - and if you eat our products you'll be sure to grow physically too!

Downsides of Being a Franchisee:

We list these for the sake of honesty, transparency and legal reasons:

Legal Repercussions: We take no responsility for any legal trouble you may find yourself in as a result of following our business advice. If asked to testify we will lie, say it was all your idea and fake a breakdown about how you were a horrific monster who used to beat up children
Customer Service: Unfortunately, there is a chance that you will have to deal with the great unwashed. We don't have to do that, as we all live in rich, gated communities that poor people aren't allowed in. But occasionally working class people will come in and you have to talk to them as if they're humans and not the subterranean, sub-human football-watching creatures that they are. Urgh! Unpleasant.
It's Hard Work: Look, the Money-to-Hard-Work ratio could be better. While you are in a FAR better position than those scumbags we call "employees", you do still owe us money. Why? Because we're fat and do nothing. So of COURSE we deserve your money. Oh and because it's our product of course.

What does it take?

Greasy Joe’s® will be your only business. You cannot work anywhere else except at Greasy Joe’s® and you’ve got to be prepared to make an investment of hard work and long hours to reach success.

You will take part of our 10-month "spit and polish", military-style training programme. At Greasy Joe’s® "Spit and Polish" isn't just a discipline - it's also one of our secret ingredients!
You'll need to make a cash investment of at LEAST Z800,000.00 Tsenyens ($1,471,520.00 Universal Standard Dollars). Besides, we don't want poor or middle class people running our franchise. What would poor or middle class people know about running businesses? The mind boggles!
Unwavering loyalty to the brand. Loyalty that borders on religious fanaticism.
Previous successful business experience. Either that or a wife who is attractive and VERY open-minded....

Apply to Become a Franchisee:

Code: Select all: [b]Your Name:[/b] [b]Nation:[/b] [b]Previous Business Experience:[/b] [b]How much money will you be investing in the company?[/b] [b]Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens):[/b] [b]If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be?[/b] (Select One): [ ] The Burgers [ ] Your family

by **Nui-ta** » Thu May 10, 2012 6:57 am

Hello Comrades! I'm a business representative from the Nui-tan state of Yevzar. We has a lot of admiration for you Radiatian types, yes we do.
As a result, please accept this application for a franchise within the state of Yevzar. I'd offer you more opportunities....but Yevzar is the only state in which your unhealthy (but delicious) food meets the health code (because there is no health code!).

Oh....except the Veggie Burger. Even we aren't that crazy, but everything else is game!

Sincerely yours,
Bob Bin.

Your Name: Bob Bin
Nation: Nui-ta
Previous Business Experience: Worked in a lard factory.
How much money will you be investing in the company? 5 million Had (roughly less than a million Tsenyen)
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 1
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[x] The Burgers
[ ] Your family (what family?!)

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 7:13 am

Nui-ta wrote:
Hello Comrades! I'm a business representative from the Nui-tan state of Yevzar. We has a lot of admiration for you Radiatian types, yes we do.
As a result, please accept this application for a franchise within the state of Yevzar. I'd offer you more opportunities....but Yevzar is the only state in which your unhealthy (but delicious) food meets the health code (because there is no health code!).

Oh....except the Veggie Burger. Even we aren't that crazy, but everything else is game!

Sincerely yours,
Bob Bin.

Your Name: Bob Bin
Nation: Nui-ta
Previous Business Experience: Bob Bin.
How much money will you be investing in the company? 5 million Had (roughly less than a million Tsenyen)
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 1
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[x] The Burgers
[ ] Your family (what family?!)

TO: Bob Bin
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Nui-ta.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Great Radiatian Desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Penguinmark** » Thu May 10, 2012 12:57 pm

Your Name: Jan de Hooch
Nation: Penguinmark
Previous Business Experience: Former hotel-owner and fraudster. His most recent Ponzi scheme backfired when his "Worst Hotel in Penguinmark" turned out to attract guests rather than scare them away.
How much money will you be investing in the company? 9.6 million Tsenyens (288 million Kroner)
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 12
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[ ] The Burgers
[x] Your family - I could always sell my daughter to Radiatian Mail Order Brides and use the money to buy more burgers.

Due to laws restricting cannibalism, we will be unable to sell Vegetarian Burgers. However, due to our high pescatarian population, we would like to offer fish burgers [OOC: like MacDonalds Filet-O-Fishes] on the menu as a national speciality.

by **Welsh Cowboy** » Thu May 10, 2012 1:06 pm

Your Name: Jacob Beenad
Nation: Welsh Cowboy
Previous Business Experience: Absolutely none (Inherited all my money from my father)
How much money will you be investing in the company? Z3.2M
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 4
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X ] The Burgers (I don't have a family, except for my stacks of cash
[ ] Your family

Note: We will not be able to sell Vegetarian Burgers, due to laws banning cannibalism in Welsh Cowboy.

by **Retro Lyra** » Thu May 10, 2012 2:42 pm

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC ISLES OF RETRO LYRA

“Boni Amici, Boni Libri, et Conscientia Somnolenta.”

FROM THE DESK OF MOOSE BENEDICK AND BERRY PUNCH
Minister of Wine and Spirits and his Assistant

Filling the Bellies of Lyra for over Five Years!

My dear sir. You have hit the burger holy grail! I would eat one, except for the fact that out Prime Minister would like to introduce a new death plenalty, "Death By Heart Attack". H ehas read over your statstics well and understands that of course the burgers do not cause the heart attack itself, but even so, he wants to order a bunch of your burgers to run testing through our Experiment Bureau. We are requesting not the burgers chains, but the burgers themselves.We are prepared to make a cash investment of 2,00,000.00 dollars.

My assistant Berry Punch would like to add something here:

Mr. Goodwill, the head of our experiment bereau, has an extremly attractive wife who is quite lonely, as her husband is almost always always working. She might be the open minded woman you are looking for...[/i]

That being said, we hope you consider our offer.
Truly yours,
Moose Benedick and Berry Punch

Official Seal of Approval

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 8:23 pm

Penguinmark wrote:
Your Name: Jan de Hooch
Nation: Penguinmark
Previous Business Experience: Former hotel-owner and fraudster. His most recent Ponzi scheme backfired when his "Worst Hotel in Penguinmark" turned out to attract guests rather than scare them away.
How much money will you be investing in the company? 9.6 million Tsenyens (288 million Kroner)
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 12
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[ ] The Burgers
[x] Your family - I could always sell my daughter to Radiatian Mail Order Brides and use the money to buy more burgers.

Due to laws restricting cannibalism, we will be unable to sell Vegetarian Burgers. However, due to our high pescatarian population, we would like to offer fish burgers [OOC: like MacDonalds Filet-O-Fishes] on the menu as a national speciality.

TO: Jan de Hooch
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Penguinmark.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Radiatian desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

We we're all a little bit concerned when ya said you would prefer ya family over a good ol'-fashioned grease burger, but when we showed Greasy Joe yer fish burger recipe, he was so excited he nearly spit!

We have added it to our worldwide menu, so you be proud of yourself.

We'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 8:27 pm

Welsh Cowboy wrote:
Your Name: Jacob Beenad
Nation: Welsh Cowboy
Previous Business Experience: Absolutely none (Inherited all my money from my father)
How much money will you be investing in the company? Z3.2M
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 4
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X ] The Burgers (I don't have a family, except for my stacks of cash
[ ] Your family

Note: We will not be able to sell Vegetarian Burgers, due to laws banning cannibalism in Welsh Cowboy.

TO: Jacob Beenad
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Welsh Cowboy.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Radiatian desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

We have minor concerns over ya lack of business experience, but then we realised that yer rich and love burgers, so hell, you are gonna make a fine franchisee. Also them dang anti-cannibalism laws are getting us down too, given that it's only legal in two states now.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 10, 2012 8:35 pm

Retro Lyra wrote:
(Image)

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC ISLES OF RETRO LYRA

“Boni Amici, Boni Libri, et Conscientia Somnolenta.”

FROM THE DESK OF MOOSE BENEDICK AND BERRY PUNCH
Minister of Wine and Spirits and his Assistant

Filling the Bellies of Lyra for over Five Years!

My dear sir. You have hit the burger holy grail! I would eat one, except for the fact that out Prime Minister would like to introduce a new death plenalty, "Death By Heart Attack". H ehas read over your statstics well and understands that of course the burgers do not cause the heart attack itself, but even so, he wants to order a bunch of your burgers to run testing through our Experiment Bureau. We are requesting not the burgers chains, but the burgers themselves.We are prepared to make a cash investment of 2,00,000.00 dollars.

My assistant Berry Punch would like to add something here:

Mr. Goodwill, the head of our experiment bereau, has an extremly attractive wife who is quite lonely, as her husband is almost always always working. She might be the open minded woman you are looking for...[/i]

That being said, we hope you consider our offer.
Truly yours,
Moose Benedick and Berry Punch
(Image)

(Image)
Official Seal of Approval

TO: Moose Benedict and Berry Punch
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see we caught ya fancy down in ole' Retro Lyra.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Radiatian desert.

So ya actually wanna eat some of our burgers? Well shoot, it ain't every day that ya get people actually ~~dumb enough~~ willing to buy them!

Well we'll be sure to send you a few burgers down. They might get cold and a bit soggy on the way, given the slow mail service, but ya'll can always stick em in a microwave, no one needs to know!

And hey, if Mr. Goodwill has himself a fine wife, then hot diggety damn, I will come down there myself to help ya'll in your experientation.

Well I wish you all the best, an' I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Retro Lyra** » Fri May 11, 2012 4:35 pm

Radiatia wrote:
Retro Lyra wrote:
(Image)

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC ISLES OF RETRO LYRA

“Boni Amici, Boni Libri, et Conscientia Somnolenta.”

FROM THE DESK OF MOOSE BENEDICK AND BERRY PUNCH
Minister of Wine and Spirits and his Assistant

Filling the Bellies of Lyra for over Five Years!

My dear sir. You have hit the burger holy grail! I would eat one, except for the fact that out Prime Minister would like to introduce a new death plenalty, "Death By Heart Attack". H ehas read over your statstics well and understands that of course the burgers do not cause the heart attack itself, but even so, he wants to order a bunch of your burgers to run testing through our Experiment Bureau. We are requesting not the burgers chains, but the burgers themselves.We are prepared to make a cash investment of 2,00,000.00 dollars.

My assistant Berry Punch would like to add something here:

Mr. Goodwill, the head of our experiment bereau, has an extremly attractive wife who is quite lonely, as her husband is almost always always working. She might be the open minded woman you are looking for...[/i]

That being said, we hope you consider our offer.
Truly yours,
Moose Benedick and Berry Punch
(Image)

(Image)
Official Seal of Approval

TO: Moose Benedict and Berry Punch
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see we caught ya fancy down in ole' Retro Lyra.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Radiatian desert.

So ya actually wanna eat some of our burgers? Well shoot, it ain't every day that ya get people actually ~~dumb enough~~ willing to buy them!

Well we'll be sure to send you a few burgers down. They might get cold and a bit soggy on the way, given the slow mail service, but ya'll can always stick em in a microwave, no one needs to know!

And hey, if Mr. Goodwill has himself a fine wife, then hot diggety damn, I will come down there myself to help ya'll in your experientation.

Well I wish you all the best, an' I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC ISLES OF RETRO LYRA

“Boni Amici, Boni Libri, et Conscientia Somnolenta.”

FROM THE DESK OF MOOSE BENEDICK AND BERRY PUNCH
Minister of Wine and Spirits and his Assistant

Filling the Bellies of Lyra for over Five Years!

Get on down here, then! We've all been sleeping with Goodwill's wife anyway. Oh, and the burgers? Killed three of our scientists already, and as you said, nobody noticed that they had been microwaved. AMAZING!

Truly yours,
Moose Benedick and Berry Punch

Official Seal of Approval

by **Soviet Canuckistan** » Fri May 11, 2012 4:38 pm

Your Name:Sergei Simanich
Nation:Soviet Canuckistan
Previous Business Experience:Managing Pony Burger locations
How much money will you be investing in the company?5,000,000,000 NSD
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens):500
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X ] The Burgers
[ ] Your family

by **Former Wellboneland** » Fri May 11, 2012 4:40 pm

Your Name: Grassy Hazel
Nation: Wellboneland
Previous Business Experience: \m/
How much money will you be investing in the company? bout' a million
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 2
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[x] The Burgers (Shucks mom is rich 'nuff to get help herself.)
[ ] Your family

by **Radiatia** » Fri May 11, 2012 8:09 pm

Soviet Canuckistan wrote:
Your Name:Sergei Simanich
Nation:Soviet Canuckistan
Previous Business Experience:Managing Pony Burger locations
How much money will you be investing in the company?5,000,000,000 NSD
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens):500
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X ] The Burgers
[ ] Your family

TO: Sergei Simanich
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Soviet Canuckistan.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Radiatian desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Radiatia** » Fri May 11, 2012 8:10 pm

Former Wellboneland wrote:
Your Name: Grassy Hazel
Nation: Wellboneland
Previous Business Experience: \m/
How much money will you be investing in the company? bout' a million
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 2
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[x] The Burgers (Shucks mom is rich 'nuff to get help herself.)
[ ] Your family

TO: Grassy Hazel
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Wellboneland.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Great Radiatian Desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Twilight is Best Pony** » Fri May 11, 2012 9:51 pm

Your Name: Jeanne Silverman
Nation: Eric-Land
Previous Business Experience: "Uhm, I worked as a telemarketer once...?"
How much money will you be investing in the company?: "My child's college funds, he doesn't need it anyways."
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): "Well I don't know the exchange from dollars to Tsenyens so... just build as many as you can in a 30 mile radius around my house, all Rascal accessible. I'll just use my wealthy father's inheritance."
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X] The Burgers
[] Your family

by **Radiatia** » Sat May 12, 2012 4:43 am

Twilight is Best Pony wrote:
Your Name: Jeanne Silverman
Nation: Eric-Land
Previous Business Experience: "Uhm, I worked as a telemarketer once...?"
How much money will you be investing in the company?: "My child's college funds, he doesn't need it anyways."
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): "Well I don't know the exchange from dollars to Tsenyens so... just build as many as you can in a 30 mile radius around my house, all Rascal accessible. I'll just use my wealthy father's inheritance."
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X] The Burgers
[] Your family

TO: Jeanne Silverman
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Eric-land.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Great Radiatian Desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 12, 2012 12:55 pm

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Greasy Joe Bendiks

Dear Greasy Joe,

You and I are both sensible ~~con~~ business men and I, Doc McPhail of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM want to offer you our service. We are the fast-food of the healthcare branch and I am willing to provide you with a partnership.

We are most certainly able to replace your healthcare plan with our Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM's and that for a much smaller amount than you are currently spending on your customers. You won't have to worry about the costs as we believe in practice and hard work instead of 'degrees' and as such, are able to provide the services that you would previously have to provide for half of the price! All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your customers! And if that doesn't do it, how about lowering the costs of your healthcare plan with 50%?

Our suggestion is using a voucher system with customers spending under a certain amount receiving a voucher for 50% off the price while other customers, those who aren't cheapskates, receive a voucher for a free check-up. That way, you save 50% on what you would normally spend on your healthcare plan next to deflecting all lawsuits, since no one can say that you didn't provide healthcare! Mainly because people who would want to say that have already died at that point, but you get the point.

I am sure that you'll see the magnificence in my offer, which will allow me continue marrying hot, young women and men and you to do whatever you do.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Radiatia** » Sun May 13, 2012 5:36 am

Grittonia wrote:
From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Greasy Joe Bendiks

Dear Greasy Joe,

You and I are both sensible ~~con~~ business men and I, Doc McPhail of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM want to offer you our service. We are the fast-food of the healthcare branch and I am willing to provide you with a partnership.

We are most certainly able to replace your healthcare plan with our Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM's and that for a much smaller amount than you are currently spending on your customers. You won't have to worry about the costs as we believe in practice and hard work instead of 'degrees' and as such, are able to provide the services that you would previously have to provide for half of the price! All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your customers! And if that doesn't do it, how about lowering the costs of your healthcare plan with 50%?

Our suggestion is using a voucher system with customers spending under a certain amount receiving a voucher for 50% off the price while other customers, those who aren't cheapskates, receive a voucher for a free check-up. That way, you save 50% on what you would normally spend on your healthcare plan next to deflecting all lawsuits, since no one can say that you didn't provide healthcare! Mainly because people who would want to say that have already died at that point, but you get the point.

I am sure that you'll see the magnificence in my offer, which will allow me continue marrying hot, young women and men and you to do whatever you do.

(Image)
With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

TO: Doctor Angus McPhail
FROM: Greasy Joe Bendiks

Howdy, partner!

When I first got yer letter, I didn't know what them squiggles all meant because I never learned how to do the book-readin'.

But after my attractive secretary read it to me, well I was so excited I could nearly spit! Yee-haa! It's the best dang rootin' tootin' idea I've done heard since they suggested that I stop drinking me own urine!

Gary the business guy who does all the brain-thoughts for the company said that we should start offering vouchers as part of a combo deal, so that's what we're gonna do!

Well it's been sure nice hearin' from ya, but one of the girls wants me to go suck on her toes so I'd better go before she gets overexcited.

Be sure to hit me up if you're ever in Radiatia!

Yee-haa!
Greasy Joe Bendiks
Founder of Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers®

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Ainin** » Sun May 13, 2012 9:54 am

Your Name: John Garden
Nation: Ainin
Previous Business Experience: VP of Marketing, Bank of Forestin (2000-2008)
How much money will you be investing in the company? 85,000,000 Tsenyens
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 100
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X] The Burgers
[ ] Your family

by **Radiatia** » Sun May 13, 2012 7:28 pm

Ainin wrote:
Your Name: John Garden
Nation: Ainin
Previous Business Experience: VP of Marketing, Bank of Forestin (2000-2008)
How much money will you be investing in the company? 85,000,000 Tsenyens
Number of branches you wish to establish (each branch costs at least 800,000 Tsenyens): 100
If your family was trapped in a burning building, while a pile of slightly mouldy Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® were stored in another burning building, and you could only save one, which would it be? (Select One):
[X] The Burgers
[ ] Your family

TO: John Garden
FROM: Cletus Agney, Franchise Liason Manager

Howdy,

We're glad to see you're interested in opening a franchise down in ole' Ainin.

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers in the best dang rootin' tootin' little old fast food restaurant this side of the Great Radiatian Desert. You're on to a good thing by opening one of our branches, I can tell you.

Well, we'll be sure to send you on our "Spit and Polish" programme, where we'll be teaching ya the secret tricks that make this business better than any other, and then after that you're investment will be sure to translate into profits for us.

And also, if you're lucky, you might see some of the profits too.

Well I wish you all the best, you're on to a good thing and I look forward to ~~leeching off~~ working with ya!

Best wishes,
Cletus Agney
Franchise Liason Manager

2012 Joseph Bendiks Drive
Meganorf, SKORPTSCH
Radiatian Federation

by **Radiatia** » Thu May 17, 2012 10:11 pm

*NEW*

Nui-ta Chili Burger

There's nothing chilly about the Nui-ta Chili burger! It's hotter than a night with a desperate Xerconian hooker!
Made from fresh Nui-ta chili beans, slightly stale burger buns and beef that's been aged longer than I've been alive!
Can you handle the heat? Can you handle the medical costs?

by **Ainin** » Sun May 27, 2012 10:52 am

From: Amanda Holm, Aininian Minister of Health and Social Services
To: Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers Corporation

Hello.
I am Amanda Holm, I am the Aininian Minister of Health and Social Services. Due to over 5,540 complaints in the first day of operation alone of the Aininian branches "Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers", the Food Security Agency, assisted by the Aininian Federal Police Force, raided several of the restaurants and found that questionable methods were used. The branch managers are now facing health code and labour code violations, along with a violation of Section 1.5 of the Counterterrorism Act (It is illegal to produce food or other related products that surely causes bodily harm). Does your corporation have anything to say about this?

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® [Fast Food]

Greasy Joe's Extra Greasy Grease Burgers® [Fast Food]

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