Official Public Communique
OF
The New World Oceania
SUBJECT: Condemnation of BergBucks Coffee Inc.
Signatories
William Evorance
Eighth Level Representative of Oceania
Sedowin Werdi
Deputy of Truth, Ministry of Truth
George Intonarl
Minister of Truth, Ministry of Truth
HEREBY recognizing the corporation of "BergBucks Coffee Inc.," which offers to build shops and cafes which sell products such as coffees, brews, teas, lattes, cappuccinos, bagels, cakes, sandwiches, and other hot drinks, in cities across consumer's nations.
ADDRESSING the many health threats associated with drinking coffee, which include but are not limited to:
>Heart disease.
>Increase in bad cholesterol.
>Negative effects in blood vessel tone.
>Irregular heart beats
>Increase in risk to hypertension.
>Increase in risk of Osteoporosis.
>Triggering of heartburn.
>Lack of sleep.
INDICATING that God has commanded not to drink coffee. Doing such is banned from the national religion of The New World Oceania, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, has also spoken against coffee and caffeine, designating the drinking of such as a sin.
IN ACCORDANCE WITH PREVIOUS STATEMENT it should be noted that the snacks offered by Bhastion Brews induce and encourage gluttony, which ultimately kills, rips apart relationships, increases obesity (and therefor dangerous gravitational forces), and dissapoints God. With this noting that those whom commit the deadly sin of gluttony will be forced to eat toads and rats in Hell.
NOTING that the owners of BergBucks Coffee Inc. are very likely to be aware of the many consequences and evils of caffeine, hot drinks, and gluttony-provoking snacks.
INSINUATING that the BergBucks Coffe Inc. logo is indeed sumbliminally discriminating against the elderly.
APPALLED by an utter lack of bullets on lists.
HEREBY CONDEMNS BERGBUCKS COFFEE INC.
It is demanded that BergBucks Coffee Inc. be entirely liquidated, the shops, whose numbers reach well over one thousand (1,000) be deconstructed, at least twenty five percent (25%) of payment be returned to consumer nations, and all civilian consumers be offered free repenting sessions and forgiveness of sins. It is encouraged that other nations, corporations, and organizations offer their signatures in such order to end this treacherous organization. All signatories agree to blockade, speak against, and condemn BergBucks Coffee Inc.
Merci
